Episode 1000703425274

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:01 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Where's Dr. Drew tonight?

1:25 Drew He is in Detroit, Michigan. Oh, nice.

1:28 Adam That A-hole. When's he coming on the line? You're in Detroit. All right.

1:32 Drew You could have been here with me, remember, by the way. You were supposed to have been here with me.

1:36 It was not, Drew.

1:38 Drew You had the infinite wisdom to say no.

1:40 Adam I say no to many, many, many things, Drew. You say no to nothing. The only thing you say no to is saying no. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Charlie O'Connell is here tonight. He is the new bachelor. Best season yet by far by a wide margin.

2:04 Thanks for having me, guys.

2:06 Adam It is our pleasure. I've been watching the show. As I said before, I knew Charlie was coming on. The show's had a renaissance.

2:14 It's completely different. Just right from the beginning when they asked me to do it, I thought I'm not the stiff in the suit that wants to go around and make it a fairytale. If you want to find love on it, you've got to take away the Cinderella story and be real.

2:29 Adam Is Charlie, by the way, is Jerry O'Connell's brother or vice versa and vice versa. Jerry, great guy. We probably haven't had on the show in a little while, but Charlie and Jerry live together when you're in Los Angeles, right?

2:44 Yeah, for the most part. He lives in the apartment right above me.

2:46 Drew It was funny that they have the same rhythm, meter in their voice.

2:50 We have the same parents, too.

2:52 Drew That's cool.

2:53 Adam And they look remarkably alike without looking like twins. I don't know how that works, but you can clearly see both you and both of you, but you don't look like twins.

3:04 Same genetic pool.

3:05 Adam Yeah, I know, but I mean.

3:07 No, I know what you mean.

3:08 Adam My sister and I look nothing. My sister has hair like Tom Petty and I got like a Brillo head. I don't know, you know, some. Well, how does that work, Drew? Why does some people, some siblings seem to be dead on and others are way, way off?

3:22 Drew They have different fathers.

3:23 Adam Different dads.

3:24 Michael and Latoya look alike.

3:26 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, same surgeon.

3:30 Drew Same surgeon.

3:31 Adam He's only had, you know what? So you can always tell when celebrities are lying because they have to do a little thinking about stuff you'd never have to think about. Like how many, how many nose jobs you had, Michael? One, two, two. You don't know? Drew, how many hernia surgeries have you had?

3:47 Drew One that they did too.

3:49 I had one.

3:50 Adam I had one too. Wow. It's a lot of hernia between the three gents.

3:54 Drew A lot of love.

3:54 Adam What'd they do back in the day, Drew? 500 years ago, everyone just died?

3:59 Drew Well, what happens to some people is your intestines start falling down into your testes. It's a lovely thing. Yeah. You see you get this huge, you got a huge swollen testicle with a bunch of bowel in it.

4:09 Adam Yeah.

4:10 Drew It's lovely.

4:12 Adam I just mean that would the three of us just have eventually died from our hernia problem, either 500 years ago or 300 years ago?

4:20 Drew Either would have kept descending down and just been there with that giant sack between our legs, or it would have incarcerated and killed us.

4:27 I got mine at one.

4:28 Adam Age one?

4:29 Yeah.

4:29 Adam Smart, get out of the way.

4:31 I would have been summoned testy.

4:33 Drew It's a little different.

4:34 Adam Yeah, you would have a sack the size of a hoppity horse. Wait, what were those inflatable things?

4:41 Drew Hippity hop.

4:42 Hippity hop.

4:44 Adam Yeah, but a hippity hop between us legs by the time he got to 35.

4:48 Drew You'd be amazed.

4:49 Adam Jerry, so the new Bachelor, well, first off, it was different right from the beginning. Jerry had to knock off three. I mean, I'm sorry, Charlie. Charlie had to knock off three.

4:59 Five.

5:00 Adam Five.

5:00 I had to take five right off the bat.

5:02 Adam Right off the top.

5:03 Right. Which was weird because I got in there and I wanted to meet them. And basically all I got was two minutes with all of them and I had to decide right from there. And knock it right down to twenty.

5:13 Adam Yeah, but they were giving them like lap dances and showing them their ink and they were getting they were getting they're going crazy. It's getting very sexual now.

5:22 It was wild.

5:23 Adam And and you got really stuck up model chick, which which is good.

5:28 Yeah, I've been getting pats on the back for that one.

5:30 Adam Yeah. Well, here's the here's the thing. Here's what you want. Here's what you're looking for. When you tell me, I'll tell you what's nice. There there are models out there that are sort of technically models, but they're still not attractive women, especially if you're probably a guy like ugly.

5:45 Caller I think she's a pretty girl. She just wasn't my type.

5:47 Adam Not not going to call her ugly. But here's the thing. There's the super spindly sort of euro trashy, you know, a cup kind of bean poly model with the attitude.

5:58 Drew And then there's Claudia Schiffer.

5:59 Adam And then there's Claudia Schiffer. Now you get all the credit of telling a model to take a hike. But the reality is, is you're not that into her anyway. Yeah, I would have told Claudia Schiffer to take a hike.

6:10 Caller I probably wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating cookies. There you go.

6:13 Adam That's what I'm saying. Well, anyway, the point is, is The Bachelor is back with a vengeance. That's what I'm saying. Have the ratings been good?

6:21 Caller I have no idea. I haven't been I haven't been watching the ratings. I've been I've been hanging out with Charlie already.

6:26 Adam Yeah. And and now where are you? You know, the show's wrapped.

6:31 Caller The show's not wrapped. I'm down to two girls. And what happened was at the final rose ceremony or what it would be, I was down to two girls and I didn't feel like I had enough time personally, enough time outside of The Bachelor and live real life. Talking on the phone, seeing if you miss somebody. These are all things that are important in a relationship that we weren't allowed. And so I took it outside the rules of The Bachelor and said that I think I need real time. And now I'm sort of doing, you know, secret getaways with the girls and trying to figure out what's right for all of us. And it might just be Utah.

7:08 Adam Well, you know, the thing that's nice about being Bachelor No. 6, I don't know. What number are you?

7:15 Caller I think it's seven.

7:16 Adam Seven. The good news about that is like Bachelor No. 1, first season of The Bachelor was you got to get married at the end of this thing. No if, ands or buts. That's the game. That's the rules. That's what you got to do. And whether they did it or not, at least that was the expectation. Now, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, it's a little more like, ah, let's see if we can find a match here. Hopefully you guys get married down the road, but it's not as you guys are, someone's going to propose this night.

7:43 Caller Yeah, I mean, I feel like I've been defending every other bachelor and I have to speak up because I'm the next one, so I have to say what the other guys did, but I can't even, I have nothing to do with them. All I can do is tell you about me and my experience this time. And with that, it's like I definitely didn't want to put the pressure on having to get married or anything like that, because that's something for the two of us to figure out, and not the world.

8:05 Adam It's such a diabolical dynamic, Drew, because Charlie is a good looking guy, and he has a lot on the ball, but these women are young and they're attractive, and if you were just in a bar situation, you'd be more than happy if one of them came up and spoke to you. The fact is, there's one of you and X amount of them that's came on.

8:25 Caller It's a good bar. It's a good bar if you can find one for 25 to 1 odds.

8:29 Adam I know. I've been hanging in a gay bar my whole life. Charlie's in the best bar ever and it's just Drew. You know how women are.

8:36 Caller Oh my.

8:36 Adam Just crazy competition.

8:38 Caller Oh, they're living together too. And some of them, I really had to weed out the ones that were trying to win a competition and win a prize or just or make a match with me because I'm not, look, I'm no prize.

8:49 Adam Well, here's the deal.

8:50 Caller You don't have to be.

8:51 Adam Not in the morning. Here's the thing. You just have to be the guy in amongst. You have to be what they're going after. And then they start competing with each other, not even competing for you, just with each other. Or both.

9:06 Caller Well, you gotta weed that out. You gotta weed that out and see who's doing it just to win a competition. It's gonna be tough. I tell you, it's really working out though. I guarantee you, this is gonna be one to surprise a lot of the critics.

9:16 Drew Can I break you in just for a second here? You know, I'm broadcasting from a hotel conference center basically and I'm sitting here in this sort of conference room and all of a sudden the lights eerily started going down. I'm now sitting in a huge, completely pitch black room. Broadcasting. It's weird. It isn't bizarre.

9:32 Adam They just dropped the lights, huh?

9:34 Drew I don't know who, it just eerily slowly went down. Now I'm in a pitch black room now. It's a good time.

9:38 Adam Well, maybe I'll help you focus.

9:40 Drew It helps me listen to you. It sure does. I find nothing else to distract me.

9:43 It's incredible.

9:45 Adam All right, so we're gonna take some phone calls. Got some questions for Charlie. Guy's got a question for Charlie? What the hell? He's from Germany or Florida. Penis enlargement pills. What the hell? Let's get this off the slate. John?

10:00 Hey, what's up, guys?

10:01 Adam You're 20?

10:02 Caller Yeah, how you doing?

10:04 Adam What's up?

10:05 Caller All right, man, well, what's the last three months? I've been taking those Magnum RX pills.

10:09 Drew Whatever that is.

10:10 Caller I'm looking there to get the sh** up.

10:12 Drew To get it up or to get it bigger?

10:14 Caller What's up?

10:15 Drew What's in these pills? Does it say on the bottle what's in them?

10:18 Caller I don't have them on me. I haven't taken them like last week. So, no, I don't know exactly what the ingredients are in them. But I see no improvement and I've actually noticed more like an erection problem.

10:30 Drew Well, probably because you've been focusing on your penis so damn much. There's no pill over the counter you can take that's gonna do a damn thing. In fact, there is nothing for penis enlargement really. Some guys claim that they get a little size change when their testosterone levels go up. So if you get like a new job or you're suddenly a captain of industry, it's interesting, guys that get elected to office, their testosterone levels shoot up. And for most guys, that doesn't mean anything to their external anatomy. So the only thing really can be done, Adam, I'm sorry to say, is a surgery. And the surgeries, they basically cut the tendon that holds the penis to the pubic bone. It lengthens about an inch. And then they basically sew on, it looks like a pop tart around the outside to give it more girth.

11:10 Adam Yeah. Is it, Drew said it looked like a pop tart, but it sure as hell didn't taste like one, did it?

11:17 Drew No, no, way worse.

11:18 Caller Would you get a new job? Is it just that the girl tells you that your penis is bigger?

11:23 Drew Maybe it's that.

11:24 Caller I think it's just that.

11:26 Drew I don't think most guys have that when their testosterone levels go up, in fact, but some guys have claimed that. I've heard that reported. I've never seen that actually substantiated.

11:33 Adam But here's the thing about the penis. And I was like everything.

11:37 Drew Please, pray tell. What is it?

11:38 Adam I'll tell you, I'll tell you.

11:39 Drew Yeah, tell me about the penis.

11:40 Adam It's just about life in general and nature.

11:43 Drew And the penis.

11:44 Adam It's like the penis enlargement without the surgeries, like the boob enlargement without the surgery, doesn't work. Take all the pills you want, use all the suction devices that you want. It's not really going to do anything.

11:56 Drew Except for women, sometimes there can be some breast changes with hormones like the birth control pill.

12:00 Caller You can just take a pop tart in your broth.

12:02 Drew No, no, you can get a cup size change for a birth control pill.

12:07 Adam The thing is, they're good, but they're good days and bad days for the boner. There's some boner days where it's like, whoa, what do we got here? Whose is this?

12:18 Caller So good mornings.

12:20 Adam Yeah, and then there's other days where it's just, it looks different. How does this work, Drew? There are days when you step out of the shower, you get a look at yourself with your shirt off and you go, wow, hey, look at, hey, that's something, looking good. And then there are days, and then the next day you see yourself as like, not so good. What is that? How does that work?

12:41 Drew That's perception.

12:42 Adam No, it's not perception. There are times when you're sort of, you know, you look, you know, your muscles look a little bit larger. Or your skin, your skin looks a little thinner. Yeah.

12:52 Caller Maybe I'm pregnant.

12:55 Adam No, I don't. But I do do that, I do do that you talking to me thing. And I want some of this.

13:01 Caller Sometimes when I'm lotioning myself with baby oil.

13:03 Caller I have combination skin.

13:05 Adam What do you want me to do? All right, Drew. No, not perception. There's times, I don't know, maybe it's water retention or something like that. I don't know what it is. Well, you guys don't have that?

13:17 Caller I'm with you, sometimes you feel like a Don Juan and other times you're like, hey, Pee Wee.

13:22 Drew Yeah, yeah, just the better days. Yeah, and that's probably just circulating testosterone levels. Here's something, a kid asked me this at a college the other day. He goes, how come some days you're good to go and you can like get going right again and you're completely into it and you're good for a second round and sometimes it's like one time, good night, that's it. Yeah.

13:39 Caller You know what I mean?

13:40 Drew Yeah, same thing.

13:43 Caller I think it's the same thing.

13:44 Drew It's a primitive biology. We can't wear it out in control of it.

13:47 Adam Okay. All right. Well, it's an interesting topic. It's one that sort of interests me, which is that good days and bad days thing.

13:54 Drew Yes, yes.

13:55 Adam And, you know, I always, for some reason, I always think of boxers and I always think not boxers versus briefs, but boxers to sport. I think about these guys that are 45 and 0 and think, wow, you're able to put together 45 good days. I mean, through training and stuff. But you know what it's like when you go to the gym one day and it's just you can't do anything, you feel like you're running in sand or something.

14:18 Caller It probably also depends on who you're boxing to. You bring home a girl that you're not trying to impress so much, you're getting a win.

14:23 Adam Well, that's true. That's true because you're loose.

14:26 Caller Other girls, like if they're hot and you really want to impress them, sometimes you knock it out real quick and you're like, oh, damn, getting a little cathartic here.

14:33 Adam Maybe we'll find this in an upcoming episode.

14:35 Drew Oh, yeah, I want to hear about this. What happens in these getaways with these two remaining? And do they know you're doing that with both of them?

14:41 Caller No, I've been honest with all of them. No, I'll tell you, I have been. And I've been honest from right from the start because I am looking for a relationship at the end and I don't want them seeing something on TV or hearing something about another girl. So I'm just really trying to keep it completely honest with both of them. So when I do come down to one, we're starting a relationship from honesty.

14:58 Adam All right, so you're banging both of them.

15:00 Drew Right, exactly.

15:01 Adam You know what's awesome though? You can do that.

15:03 Caller I'm being honest.

15:03 Adam You can do that with a woman. A guy is gonna freak out a little more. Women, it just ups the ante. I really do think so. I mean, for a guy, it might be a deal breaker.

15:13 Drew Think of those resentments in about five years. She'll kick your ass for that.

15:16 Adam Are you kidding? She's not gonna be around in five years. Come on, Drew.

15:19 Caller We'll see, we'll see.

15:20 Adam You're right. You're right. You should pray. But yes, that will come back and haunt you.

15:24 Yeah.

15:26 Adam So we got a question here. Orgasm in bed. Boyfriend never wants sex. Well, let's talk to Samantha. I've got Samantha and then we'll go to that one.

15:35 Drew I've got to think of something. I've got to pitch tonight. It's a hard one to pitch. We're looking for a couple who wants coaching or willing to sort of go to a sexual coach on mutual masturbation if it's something they want to do. I don't quite know the...

15:46 Caller Doesn't sound so bad.

15:47 Adam But Drew, make it clear, not for this show.

15:50 Drew Not for this show, for Discovery Health Television.

15:52 Adam So people have been telling me it gets confusing.

15:54 Drew Okay.

15:54 Adam Samantha?

15:56 Yes.

15:57 Adam You're 21? Yes. What's up?

16:00 Caller Well, I've just... My question is basically, like, I never really receive any sexual pleasure as far as orgasms when I'm with a man, like, in sexual situations, like either sex or oral or anything like that. I never get to orgasm.

16:19 Drew Have you ever had a boyfriend?

16:21 Caller Excuse me?

16:23 Adam Vibrator. I'm going with Charlie's vibrator. What about a vibrator?

16:28 Caller That works for me.

16:30 Drew Have you ever brought that into your sessions with the guy?

16:34 Caller No. I usually feel like... I don't know. Like, the guy that I'm with right now asked me what he could do to help me or if I want to do something, like, for example, bring that in. And I feel a little uncomfortable doing that. I don't know.

16:52 Caller Why?

16:55 Caller I don't know.

16:56 Adam All right. Well, it's a hump, pardon the pun, that you can get over pretty easily.

17:01 Drew But by the way, in there...

17:02 Adam Yeah, just bust it out.

17:04 Drew In there might be the reason that she's not having orgasm with her boyfriend, that she can't be open and intimate and vulnerable like that. Well, let him hold it. But the point is she has a ready-made solution and yet, uh-uh, can't do that.

17:17 Adam Well, there's no guarantees this is gonna work with him in the room, because women's vagina does not, their vaginas don't respond to math. You know what I mean? Which is...

17:25 Drew Or logic.

17:26 Adam Or logic. There's no gravity, there's nothing with those vaginas. Can't stand them anymore.

17:32 Drew No laws of nature.

17:33 Adam My penis and the vaginas were like the Hatfields and the McCoys. We're done. We just shoot over the fence at each other's rock salt. But here's what I'm saying. A woman, like there's a lot of women we speak to where, well, I can't have an orgasm with my boyfriend, but I can easily have one with my vibrator. Oh, just bring the vibrator in with the boyfriend. Yeah, tried it 10 times doesn't work. That kind of math would never work for a guy. If it worked for a guy alone and you bring a woman in, it's going to work that much better.

17:59 Caller How about with other guys? Old boyfriend, something like that.

18:02 Drew Well, how about a boyfriend period? Have you ever had a long-term relationship?

18:05 Caller Not really.

18:06 Drew Yeah, that may be the core issue.

18:08 Adam That's what you need. You need to work it out with the one guy.

18:11 Caller Maybe you need cuddling and stuff like that.

18:13 Drew Well, she needs somebody she cares about and can feel comfortable and open with. That's the problem.

18:17 Adam Yeah.

18:17 Caller Right.

18:18 Adam Samantha, you never had a long-term boyfriend?

18:21 Caller No. I mean, the longest is, I don't know, five months or so.

18:27 Adam Here's what you need, Samantha. This is what everyone needs. They need that. It's that first person they take a shower with.

18:34 Caller That first person.

18:35 Adam That first person. Yeah, break it in. Here's that person. It's the first person you take a shower with. It's the first person you walk around naked with in a non-sexual way. Like you're just heading in to get a TV dinner and walk back to the bedroom with your dorks swinging around. And you don't actually, like they could actually walk past you naked. You wouldn't have to jump on them. That's that person. Not that it's a bad thing, but you know what I'm saying. Like it's it's not all about the sex. And then you experiment like a mad scientist with them sexually.

19:04 Caller Go to the bathroom in front of them.

19:05 Adam On them.

19:07 In them.

19:09 Adam You know, that's the whole, that's all the, yes, it's the person, you're sitting on the pot with the door open. It's the person, you're getting in the crazy 69 positions. It's a person where you're busting out the vibrators. It's that person. Once you do that with that person, then you're sort of good.

19:24 Caller Do you only do it in like one spot? Or you just like a bedroom lie down just one way? Or do you guys get freaky?

19:30 Caller No, we've tried it different ways. And I mean, I, I've gotten to the point where I'm almost there, but then-

19:37 Caller Just bust the toy out right there.

19:40 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, listen, Samantha, get, get the one guy, get the toy out. You know, take the pressure off yourself. You're pushing too hard. Yeah. Okay. Here's, here's the thing. I most sort of human things like most things don't really respond to pressure, unfortunately, like being funny doesn't respond to pressure. Singing doesn't really respond to pressure. Doing a puzzle doesn't really respond. Orgasm doesn't. It's weird how many things in life that you'd like to achieve don't really work well when you're, when you're putting some pressure on yourself. Yeah. Speaking in front of a group, you're much worse when there's a bunch of pressure on, taking a driver's test, you're worse. Taking math, that's like, you're almost worse at everything.

20:28 Drew And by the way, it's not, it's not the pressure. It's experiencing the anxiety of the pressure. You know what I'm saying? You could, you could, people, people can live, I mean, like fighter pilots are under pressure, but they just say, ah, whatever, they get right through it.

20:38 Adam Well, they're people, they're people who can deal with it and have better, better, better faculties for it. But most people, especially women, young women, the more they want an orgasm, the harder it's going to be for that.

20:50 Caller I think you got to enjoy getting to it as opposed to just, where is it? Where is it? You know?

20:54 Adam Right. That is a, that is a very good point. Let's take one more call. Let's see, Boyfriend and Sex, Germany or Florida? Let's take a question for Charlie.

21:05 Caller Tony.

21:11 Caller What's up, Barry, Tony?

21:13 Drew Still.

21:14 Adam Well, they don't hold on. They don't have a new pope yet, do they?

21:18 Caller No?

21:19 Adam All right. Until they get a new pope, I can be the vicar of Christ.

21:22 Drew Still the vicar sounds like a new sitcom.

21:25 Adam Still the vicar. Yeah. Let's see. Still the vicar. A successful sportscaster in a big market, New York or LA, had to move back to a small town in Wisconsin to take over the local AM sports radio station. But he still, yeah, sport coats, checkered sport coats. But after the divorce, he had to move back in with his mom. But they call him the vicar.

21:50 Caller But he's got the garage to himself.

21:52 He's got the garage to himself.

21:53 Drew He's still the vicar.

21:54 Adam He's still the vicar. Yeah, in his small town, he's still the vicar. And he always dreams of getting every episode, there's an offer from a big market, like Chicago or Detroit has come calling. They're looking for a guy to fill in on the sports radio, but never ends up happening. Vicar ends, still stays back in his place.

22:10 Drew Well, no wait, no wait, no wait. We need some relationships here. What's his romantic life like? There's got to be some comical, you know, some-

22:16 Adam Okay, here it is. Inexplicably smoking hot 23-year-old news director at the radio station. For some reason, he doesn't see his attractive. That's the biggest piece of BS in any sitcom. You work with this smoking hot blonde chick, except for she wears glasses, so you walk right past her. And you guys are living in Wisconsin?

22:36 Caller Mom, keep it down. I'm on a date.

22:39 Adam Meanwhile, he's going after the sort of, you know, busty, bar trampy types and never any success. And just under his nose is this beautiful, sweet blonde news director that he never-

22:50 Caller She's got a huge cross on him.

22:51 Adam She, of course, she has a crush on the vicar. Then there's the mom. Oh, you ready? There's an older brother. And the older brother-

23:01 Drew The vicar has an older brother.

23:02 Adam He has an older brother. Old football star. He has an older brother. No, here's the twist. Basketball star. And he's so tall, you never see his head.

23:10 Caller You just see his chest.

23:13 Adam And people are speculating, who is this actor? It's just always his chest in the vicar.

23:18 Drew The vicar goes to him for advice all the time.

23:20 Adam Vicar goes to him for advice, but you just see his chest.

23:23 Drew Does he live next door?

23:25 Adam He lives up. He lives upstairs. Upstairs.

23:27 Drew Upstairs. Perfect. Perfect.

23:28 Adam He, too, was divorced and is now coaching the junior college, the Wisconsin female junior college basketball team.

23:36 Drew And he's always giving advice about women.

23:37 Caller Screaming Eagles.

23:38 Drew He knows all about women.

23:39 Adam He's giving advice.

23:39 Caller He's giving advice.

23:40 Adam But even when he's outdoors at the basketball game and stuff, you still never see his head. When all the girls gather around him for some strategy, you just, you still, it cuts off right at the collarbone. Oh, this is good. This is good. Dad passed away.

23:57 Drew What's the arc for the season?

23:59 Adam Arc for the season. Well, the story is told basically in the opening with the song and stuff of his wife throwing him out, him getting fired. Vicar. Vicar. Yeah, it's kind of like it's the same theme. He gets...

24:14 Drew It's the flipper theme. It's the flipper theme.

24:17 Adam Yeah, the beginning.

24:18 Caller They call him Vicar.

24:20 Caller Vicar. Sportscaster.

24:24 Adam So, yeah, the story arc is moves home, lost love or attempts at love with all the wrong women and gonna move out with a buddy of his, but it never works out.

24:37 Drew But he's not the Vicar of, he's not the Vicar of Christ.

24:39 Adam No, no, he's just, he's the Vicar. He's just sports. He's the Vicar. He's the Vicar. He's, yeah, it's like one of those things where they go, ah, AM 690, all sports with the Vicar. People say, and he comes on, he does this thing. Yeah. Yeah.

24:56 Drew There needs to be something more tragic though.

24:58 Caller And here's the other thing.

24:59 Here's the other thing that's living at home.

25:01 Adam Here's the other thing that's really phony about it. He has huge A-list sports celebrities that are in the studio all the time because that's the way Hollywood works. You have the Rowley, these guys wouldn't be in Wisconsin and going to some crappy little AM station, but he has all these big name guys. Hey, Nolan Ryan, hey, Vicar, they'll know him. It's kind of like when Don Drysdale would go by the Brady House. Hey, anything for you, Mike.

25:25 Caller It's like, what?

25:27 Caller You're an architect in a sort of crappy town.

25:30 Caller All right, where are we?

25:32 Adam Charlie O'Connell will see her tonight. Yeah, the Vicar of Sex. He is the Bachelor, everybody, on 9 o'clock ABC Monday night.

25:42 Drew Soon to be seen as the Vicar, though.

25:43 Adam Yeah, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Charlie's taken the show and he just sculpted it with his own two hands. This would have been it, too, if not, if had Charlie not intervened and got this show back on its feet. Let's take ourselves a little break. Be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, man. That's Dr. Drew in Detroit.

26:20 Drew Detroit.

26:21 Adam Yes. And we got Charlie O'Connell here tonight. Charlie is The Bachelor. Monday nights.

26:29 Drew Dr. Drew in the hissy.

26:31 Adam Yeah, he's The Bachelor. I'm the vicar. Drew is in the hissy.

26:35 Drew Are you a Mormon?

26:39 Caller How's the room? Still dark?

26:40 Drew No, I fixed it. I fixed it. It's great.

26:42 Adam Good man. Good job. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Let me just say something before we get started. As you know, I've had my problems with the garbage man over the years, Drew. Because I got to go. My garbage man shows up at 6-0-8, maybe 6-12. And then, you know, you got the three trucks, you got the recycling truck, you got the shrub and leaves truck, and then you got the garbage truck. And it's just a parade of those, neem, neem, neem.

27:13 Caller Tip of my Christmas.

27:15 Adam It's all the back, all the backing up stuff. All the, you know when they throw it in reverse?

27:20 Caller Yeah, I got you, I got you.

27:21 Adam It's just non-stop. And I don't, I'd say three quarters.

27:25 Caller Once a week, once a week.

27:26 Adam Once a week, but it's at 6-30 in the morning.

27:28 Drew I thought your new house was far enough off the street that it wasn't a big issue anymore.

27:31 Adam No, no.

27:32 Caller Do you tip of my Christmas?

27:33 Adam No, no, I should tip of them.

27:34 Caller I think you gotta tip them and throw them a little something in a note saying, hey guys, cut out the back it up so much, please try.

27:40 Adam I don't know that they can help it because they can help it.

27:43 Caller They don't do it to the people that tip them.

27:45 Adam Really? Uh-uh. Just named it Charlie. You tipped Charlie?

27:49 Caller Yeah.

27:50 Adam You do?

27:50 Caller Yeah, mailman, garbage man, whatever it is. They all get Christmas gifts.

27:55 Adam And what about, what do you give them, bottle of booze?

27:57 Caller No, I give them a little card with whatever in it.

27:59 Adam With some money?

28:00 Caller Yeah.

28:00 Adam How much?

28:01 Caller How much is the money?

28:02 Drew How much gets the backing up to stop?

28:04 Caller I have no idea. You'd have to negotiate that with him. That sounds like a little more. It sounds like pent up anger.

28:09 Adam Does everybody have a garbage man that shows up at 730? Is there a place on the planet where they show up at noon or one?

28:15 Caller Mine's late. They show up late for me.

28:17 Adam When? First off, it's not for you. It's not like they're going to show up for me. Charlie's a late sleeper. He was banging some strange women last night. I'm sure he's drunk. We're supposed to come by at 745. Let's come by at noon. Come on, let's take a long lunch.

28:30 Caller Maybe I was out with him drinking.

28:31 Adam Charlie gave us $8 a year before. Let's not wake him up. It's not for you. They're on a schedule. But there's some neighborhoods where obviously they come at one in the afternoon.

28:44 Caller You've got to figure out where to move to.

28:46 Adam I got to go to that place. I have to go to that. This morning was just neee, neee, neee. I just thought, so a handful of kids get ran over every year. So what? Just let them back over a few kids and we could all rest. And I realize how horrible that sounds, Drew, but I know you're with me. I know you're with me. Because what about, what toll does it exact on society that just, that there's a child proof camp on everything?

29:13 Caller The garbage truck doesn't make enough noise.

29:15 Adam Well, it does make enough noise without the beep. I agree with you. And the other thing about the beep is they ain't moving three quarters of the time. It's just the beep is going. The guy's got it in reverse, but he's sort of waiting something out.

29:28 Drew I think the point you're making is that we're diluting the genetic health of our society. Is that what you're saying? That we're not allowing Darwin's forces to do that?

29:38 Adam No, we're not. Let me say something. Remember that guy who came in here with the wild boys, the guy who manned the shark hunter, the crazy guy with the puka shells who would jump on sharks and stuff? Remember he told us during the this guy was an animal expert.

29:54 Caller I know who you're talking about, I think.

29:56 Adam Yeah, where it's like a banana hammock, and dives on mako sharks, and chicks love it. He told us, I think during the commercial, he said, you know, alligators used to eat a lot more people, and what ended up happening was, is over the years, hundreds of years, the ones that came into the village to eat the Indians would get killed and their genes didn't get passed on. So now most of them are sort of docile, because all the ones, the genes, are the ones who thought it would be a good idea to get out of the swamp and go up and eat a few kids, got stabbed with a stick, and that's basically how life works. Those kids should be getting backed over, that's what I'm saying, and not passing the horrible, retarded seed onto the next generation. That's what I'm saying. Meanwhile, I'm gonna kill myself and never be able to pass my genius seed on because of the infernal, meep, meep, meep, meep. Can we do, how about three meeps, and then it stops, and if your kid doesn't get out of the goddamn way by then, we back over them. And how many kids really do get backed over that we all have to pay for it, we all have to suffer, and I'm not just talking about this, I'm talking about cigarette lighters that you can't light because they got a reset button on them and a weird metal band on them and things you can't, you can't get off and just everything in general.

31:11 Caller You should be able to grab the aspirin. Those bottles confuse me.

31:14 Adam Right, you know what I think, I think there should be an adult store, and not just with pornography. But I mean, I know they have an adult store. No.

31:24 Caller But one that you could buy aspirin at too.

31:25 Adam You get to buy cigarette lighters. Yeah, you get to buy cigarette lighters you can light, not if they're like reset them all the time. And you could buy your own risk. You could buy some Tylenol where you just had a regular cap on it, you have to line stuff up. Yeah.

31:38 Drew I'm in. You in? Yeah.

31:40 Adam All right. All right. What about those beep things? What can we do about that, Drew?

31:44 Drew I'm not sure we get to anything.

31:45 Adam How about this? How about this? It only beeps when the truck is rolling backwards, it's not when it's just in reverse.

31:51 Drew There you go.

31:52 Adam That would be a nice step.

31:53 Caller Can't the guy on the back just go beep, beep, beep?

31:55 Adam They don't have the guy on the back anymore.

31:57 Caller Can't he just be like, hey, buddy, watch out.

31:59 Adam There's no guy on the back anymore.

32:00 Drew There's only one guy running the truck down, it's all mechanical arms.

32:03 Caller Yeah. They got one guy in a jeep and one guy in the truck is what they got on my block.

32:07 Adam Oh, really?

32:08 Caller Yeah, so the jeep guy just drives up and grabs the little dumpster. That comes and picks up my dumpster for me. The guy that gets the jeep personally for me.

32:15 Adam He's in Beverly Hills. He's in Beverly Hills. Yeah, they come down that alley in the back. Sure, there's like you have like a grand marshal.

32:22 Caller They have they have quiet music playing to help you sleep with like the waves.

32:26 Adam Yeah.

32:26 Caller They sort of do like an ocean in the thing when it backs up and goes whoosh.

32:31 Adam He hears Yanni when the guy throws it in a reverse.

32:34 Caller They soothe you when it goes backwards at that time in the morning.

32:37 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, he pops in a reverse and Charlie hears Enya pumping out of the back of the guy's thing. He's wearing spats and a little baby. Don't say it comes at one in the afternoon. Oh, true. Now more angry.

32:52 Drew Let's take a call.

32:53 Adam True. When is your car where you kill yourself?

32:55 Drew When is your garbage man comes in the afternoon?

32:57 Caller No.

32:58 Drew Yeah, he does.

33:00 Adam Yeah.

33:01 Drew Yeah.

33:01 Caller Yeah.

33:03 Adam OK, let me just say one more thing. And then we're going to the phone. I missed the goddamn garbage man this morning because he came at 730 and I didn't get the cans out there. It's the other thing too. If he comes in the afternoon, you can.

33:14 Caller You got another week?

33:16 Adam No, no, I'm full. I'm full. Well, yeah, yeah, no, he's not. I got a whole week. No, I'm going to have we're going to have rats. It's going to be like a garbage barge at my house. Huge vermin infestation, Drew.

33:28 Drew Nice.

33:29 Adam Oh, in the afternoon, Drew, are you serious?

33:33 Caller I'll call my guys. See if you can stop by your place.

33:35 Adam See if you swing just the escort GIO to pick me up. What the hell is this? Niana. What the hell's your name?

33:44 Charlie O’Connell Niana.

33:45 Adam Niana. Niana. What a life.

33:48 Charlie O’Connell What the? It sounds like Diana with an N.

33:50 Adam Yeah, now more angry because it sounds like a common name. Does it mean anything?

33:55 Charlie O’Connell Yeah, it means beautiful eyes and Sanskrit.

33:58 Adam Oh, I hate your parents so much. Do you have a nationality?

34:05 Most people say it's true.

34:07 Adam Do you have a nationality?

34:09 Charlie O’Connell I'm Caucasian. I just grew up in an interesting hippie, hippie, hippie narcissistic parents.

34:20 Adam Fantastic.

34:21 Caller They're probably garbage.

34:22 Adam Yeah. Yeah. We thought they were smart, but couldn't figure out how to make any money.

34:27 Drew Or name their kids.

34:29 Adam Thank you, Drew.

34:30 Drew You're more on that.

34:31 Charlie O’Connell Hey, you got to give me props for it, though. It's a pretty cool name.

34:34 Adam Now it's obnoxious. Just change it, Diana, but go ahead.

34:39 Charlie O’Connell I don't I just be Ashley while you're at it.

34:42 Adam Well, look, OK, but here, Ashley, what's your question? Hold on. I'm not done with her now. Charlie wants to do the show. Poor guy came in there and thought he was going to do a radio show. I'm tired of everyone trying to be an individual by the tats they get or by the name they're given. You do that through your actions and through your accomplishments.

35:03 Drew Yes.

35:04 Adam All right. Now, what junior college are you going to?

35:07 Charlie O’Connell I go to Maricopa.

35:09 Drew Junior college.

35:10 Adam There you go.

35:10 Charlie O’Connell San Diego.

35:11 Adam Is that a junior college? Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Beautiful eyes, small brain. Go ahead.

35:17 Charlie O’Connell Hey.

35:18 Adam All right. Well, listen, I'm just saying you get here. Ah, let me say this. All right. I got a theory now. You give your kid a very unique name. It's like, oh, yes. Means Nubian warrior and all that kind of stuff. They coast. You name your kid Charlie. He's got to hustle.

35:32 Drew Yeah.

35:33 Adam You know what I mean? You got to get out of that.

35:34 Drew I'm so unique. I'm so unique. I'm so beautiful.

35:35 Caller Nubian warrior. Right.

35:37 Adam Right.

35:37 Caller I like Nubian warrior. I'm in on that.

35:39 Adam If my name was like Tatanka, I'd still be living at home.

35:42 Caller Being a white guy, I think Nubian warrior might kind of throw it in there. You might have to really go for it.

35:47 Adam It would be nice. But I'm saying I would still be living in my folks garage.

35:51 Drew Now, what's your question?

35:52 Adam Now, I got rid of her.

35:53 Drew No, you did not. All right.

35:56 Adam She's back. Jesus, it's when you care. Go ahead, Niana.

36:01 Drew I feel out of control. I don't have control of the board there.

36:03 Adam Maybe it's right by the studio. You can see what it looks like. It's awesome. It's fabric on the wall. We've got a lesbian behind the desk. It's awesome. What's going on? All right, go ahead, Niana.

36:19 Caller Sorry for Drew.

36:21 Charlie O’Connell He is very unsexually motivated.

36:26 Adam Fiance.

36:30 Charlie O’Connell And I was just wondering if that's normal because I've always been fairly sexually motivated.

36:38 Drew Well, let's explore that a little bit as he's smoking pot.

36:39 Caller Are you attacking him?

36:42 Adam You going after him?

36:42 Caller Are you jumping his bones? Or are you just like, hey, you're in the mood?

36:46 Drew Is he smoking a lot of pot?

36:48 Charlie O’Connell No, not a lot. He actually stopped smoking about a month ago, but...

36:53 Drew All right, well, that's... Listen, it sounds to me like somebody who likes pot more than he likes anything else. Because that's... Listen, the fact that he stopped smoking pot, things will get worse for six months. He'll get depressed. Absolutely. He'll get depressed. He won't sleep. And he will have real difficulty functioning. I'm not saying he shouldn't stop. I'm saying he needs treatment. And that he needs to be monitored by somebody who really can coach him and help him understand what's going on biologically.

37:18 Adam Wow, hold on one minute.

37:19 Caller You need to hold out the pot. I'll have him do it for you. And then you can let him smoke.

37:24 Charlie O’Connell Like once a week and...

37:26 Adam Yeah.

37:27 Drew Really once a week?

37:29 Adam Well, how old is he? How old is he?

37:31 Charlie O’Connell He's 28.

37:33 Drew He only smoked once a week?

37:35 Charlie O’Connell About that, yeah.

37:36 Drew Except for the other days of the week?

37:38 Caller I'm not buying that.

37:39 Adam Yeah, I'm not either. Well, how long did he smoke weed for?

37:42 Drew Somebody who smokes once a week doesn't have to stop smoking pot.

37:45 Adam You know what I mean?

37:45 Drew Oh, true. You know what I mean?

37:47 Adam Yeah, no, I know.

37:48 Charlie O’Connell He actually stopped smoking because of the same problem. I presented it to him because I have heard that pot does reduce sexual drive and it has been where you're trying to have sex once a week and he go grab the pipe.

38:04 Caller Yeah, it doesn't make sense. The whole story is not adding up.

38:08 Adam All right. Wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on. I'm putting her on hold for a second. Let's all just get on the same page here. Smoking pot for young for guys under 30. Yeah, it's usually not going to kill their drive.

38:21 Drew I know unless unless they're smoking every day. They can't if they smoke every day.

38:24 Adam They can smoke a ton of weed. But most guys I know smoke pot are just as horny as the guys that don't smoke pot. Maybe more so.

38:33 Caller Yeah, hot girls smoking pot with her.

38:35 Adam She's 10 years younger than he is. Obviously, there's something going. He's 28. She's 18.

38:41 Caller He might be humping other girls.

38:44 Adam No, because guys who hump other girls still continue to hump those at home.

38:48 Caller I guess so.

38:50 Adam But I'm just wondering if he is not that into her and is one of these guys. Some guys have a lot of trouble.

38:58 Caller Breaking it off.

38:58 Adam Breaking it off. And so they just get in this sort of holding pattern and they just sort of coast. And it's not even that they're not sexually attracted or want to have sex, but they don't want to bond anymore with someone they're getting to date.

39:09 Caller They're trying to break it off. And if you have sex, it doesn't matter.

39:12 Adam You renew.

39:12 Caller It's a good one.

39:13 Drew And also ask and see if he's on any medication or anything. We haven't asked that yet.

39:16 Adam All right, Nia, Niana, how long have you two been together?

39:21 Charlie O’Connell We have been together for 19 months now, but I knew him previous to that for a year.

39:27 Drew Do you think was your teacher or something?

39:30 Charlie O’Connell He is. Yes. He's going to school to be a teacher. And he works at an elementary school. He's an assistant teacher.

39:38 Adam Do you guys think that do you think maybe somewhere that in your heart of hearts that he's sort of coasting to a stop?

39:46 Charlie O’Connell No, not at all.

39:48 Drew Is he on a medication?

39:49 Charlie O’Connell No. He has asthma, but I don't think that his medication would have anything to do with it.

39:55 Drew The beta-2 agonist, the albuterol, can work against you quite a bit. Really? Yeah. Now listen, but he was your teacher?

40:03 Charlie O’Connell No, he wasn't. I graduated at high school when I was 15, and I started JC, and I met him my first semester there.

40:11 Drew As a student? He was another student?

40:13 Charlie O’Connell Yeah, he was in one of my classes, and we studied and became pretty good friends. And because of the age difference, we didn't really make our relationship anything more.

40:23 Adam Let me just say this.

40:25 Caller He's hanging out with a 15-year-old.

40:27 Adam Leaving high school.

40:28 Caller Come on, he sounds like a weirdo.

40:30 Adam Leaving high school early to go to junior college is like leaving a top football sports program, like leaving Oklahoma early to go play arena football. What are you doing? I understand, hey, if the Rams or the Patriots are going to pick you up, by all means, forgo your junior and senior year over at Oklahoma. But if you're just going to go play for the intruders on the carpet over there in the arena league, what are you doing?

41:01 Caller It sounds like he's trying to grow up fast. And I don't think we're not getting the full story here.

41:05 Drew Yeah, I agree with Charlie. We got to go to break. We got to go to break.

41:09 Adam All right, Drew, don't get weird. What do you get weird?

41:11 Caller Turn those lights back off.

41:12 Adam Get the lights off and mellow out.

41:14 Drew I'm getting weird. Anderson told me we've got to be on time with these breaks. Apparently, we're in trouble. We're already five minutes off this one.

41:21 Adam We're in trouble or you're in trouble?

41:23 Drew I'm sharing it with you. You're in trouble.

41:25 Caller I'm not worried about trouble.

41:25 Adam No, I'm not in trouble. I'll tell you why. Because I am the loose, irreverent, say anything wild man of radio, and you're the button down doctor, and you should have controlled me.

41:37 Drew You blew up by putting my name in the mix because now he's going to be defiant.

41:41 Caller On the break, should we turn off the lights in here?

41:43 Adam Anderson, you're the one who's passive aggressive, remember? Not me.

41:46 Drew I'm not.

41:47 Caller I looked that up.

41:49 Adam Do you hear that?

41:50 Drew He was reporting to us. Forget it, Anderson. I didn't say anything.

41:54 Caller Actually, I've been told that I'm supposed to just go to break without you even throwing it to break.

41:57 Caller Go ahead, smart guy. Do your thing then.

42:01 Do it, Anderson.

42:02 Caller You don't scare us over here.

42:09 Caller Love Line is brought to you by the May issue of Playboy. Who are the best players in baseball today? Who will win the World Series? When you've got America's hottest desperate housewives and you taste the Victoria, does it even matter? Find all this and more in the May Playboy on newsstands now.

42:30 Adam Hey everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam in Southern California. That's Dr. Drew in Detroit, Michigan. What's up, David?

42:38 Drew Yeah, Vickie.

42:39 Adam Yeah, what's happening?

42:40 Drew I was saying there's a car museum at the bottom of my hotel. You would love this.

42:43 Adam Oh, really?

42:44 Drew Oh, my God, it's incredible.

42:46 Adam I'm going to get into it, but be quiet. I got to redo the show here. Charlie O'Connell is here tonight from The Bachelor. Drew, don't yample at the very beginning when I'm trying to do this thing.

42:56 Caller He's trying to say Charlie. Don't cut him off.

42:58 Drew I know. I beg your pardon. My deepest apologies.

43:02 Adam Monday Nights. No, that's Drew Sting. We're giving the web address out for the band. It's in there. It's like, oh, no, no, no. It's like, don't let me get to the last one.

43:11 Caller 9 p.m. And then he does this.

43:13 Adam He gets mad.

43:14 Caller Now he's just coming back.

43:15 Adam Drew, all you got to do is hang back, buddy. Just let me get the top done. And then we'll start in. Monday Nights, 9 o'clock on ABC. And like I said, I was a fan the first season or so. So I lost touch with The Bachelor. Now I'm back. Because it's a new show. It's a new man. It's a new day. And it's much better than it was. Charlie want to take a phone call here.

43:41 Caller I'm just curious on this one, Drew.

43:42 Adam Yeah.

43:43 Caller It might be a quick answer.

43:44 Adam Amy?

43:45 Caller Yes.

43:46 Adam 28?

43:47 Caller Yes, I'm 28.

43:48 Adam What's up?

43:49 Caller Well, my boyfriend, when he orgasms, there's like chunks in his semen.

43:56 Drew So it's like tapioca pudding, right? Tapioca pudding syndrome. Yeah, that is actually normal for some guys. If he's sort of evacuating that system regularly, it will be less like that. If it sits around for a little while, he'll get the tapioca pudding consistency.

44:13 Caller So it has sex more often and it'll go away?

44:16 Drew Yeah. It won't go away, but it will get less.

44:21 Adam If I eat a lot of flour, it'll come out in one piece.

44:24 Drew And gelatin. Gelatin.

44:26 Adam Yeah, gelatin and flour, and then I'll just make a pinch pot out of it and use it for an ashtray. Oh, come on. That's awesome. Well, it's a lot nicer. Otherwise, it can be messy.

44:37 Caller It's good for sticking notes on the fridge.

44:39 Caller Oh, yeah.

44:40 Adam Mom, home late.

44:42 Caller Don't wait up.

44:45 Adam Dishes and wash are dirty. Yeah, it's awesome.

44:50 Drew All right.

44:51 Adam So Drew doesn't mean anything.

44:52 Drew Doesn't mean anything.

44:53 Adam All right. Chris, female, obsessed with porn. Chris, who? What's up?

45:05 Hi, Charlie.

45:05 How are you?

45:06 Caller Hey, how's the porn?

45:09 Excuse me, I'm six.

45:12 I'm sorry, I need you to cuss on the phone.

45:14 I have a question for Dr. Drew.

45:16 Drew Yeah.

45:16 Adam Hold on a second. Did she cuss?

45:18 Drew Yes, she said, I feel like s.

45:20 Adam Oh, she did.

45:21 Caller All right. All right.

45:23 Adam All right, Chris, what kind of porn do you watch?

45:29 I have become obsessed with like porn. Like, I will like, like, like, guys, you're a liar whore, a liar whore, and you know it.

45:40 Drew No, I don't think so.

45:42 Caller No, but let's figure out what kind of porn. Is it threesomes? Is it the big schlong? And what do we got?

45:47 No, okay, it's just like, just porn in general.

45:50 Caller Girl, girl?

45:52 Whatever, whatever.

45:54 Adam No preference.

45:55 Caller What's your favorite?

45:55 Adam No preference.

45:57 It's not, it's, I'm like obsessed with sex, and I just. Oh.

46:02 Adam All right, but hold on.

46:03 Caller But you've been watching so much. What kind of sex?

46:06 Adam I know, Charlie's with me. Like, look, if you're renting, if you're renting one, and on the cover was a clown on one of them, and another one was like a black chick on top of a zebra, and the next one was just a nice blonde girl with another blonde girl, and then a guy and a girl. What would you go for? You just go for standard stuff?

46:28 Just your regular guy, girl sex, like boring stuff.

46:33 Drew Let's do some good radio here, and let's tease this across the break.

46:37 Adam All right. And Charlie was only going to stay for the first hour.

46:43 Drew Well, he wants to hear the answer to this one.

46:44 Adam All right. So you stay for one more break?

46:47 Caller Yeah, I'm fine to stay.

46:47 Caller Yeah, he's good.

46:48 Adam He's in great shape. Charlie O'Connell's here tonight from The Bachelor. He's going to stay with us for one more big, fat, juicy, long break. We'll get back with Chris and the porn obsession and all that after this.

47:00 Caller All right, guys.

47:01 Drew Here's the deal. Look in the hookup. Call the Dateline.

47:03 Caller Stick a waste in time with the wrong person.

47:05 Caller Call the Dateline. One call is all you need to make.

47:08 Call the Dateline.

47:09 Caller 1-877-889.

47:14 Caller If you need help, call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:36 Adam Right there, buddy. It is Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew in Detroit. Charlie O'Connell is here tonight. He is The Bachelor, 9 o'clock ABC Monday nights. Just talking a little fencing with Charlie, the gay blade.

47:50 Caller That's what they called him.

47:52 Adam That's what they called him in high school. Charlie's a fencing champion, Drew.

47:56 Caller Wow.

47:57 Adam You must have done, and I always was interested in it. Seemed like a cool sport. I would have loved to have done it, but I'm from North Hollywood, and we didn't have hockey or anything.

48:06 Caller I wanted to be a ninja growing up, but the closest thing I found was fencing.

48:10 Adam It sounds, captain of the 95, 96.

48:14 Caller I was captain of the NYU fencing team.

48:17 Adam NCAA championship in gold medal in 96.

48:21 Caller That was the team that made that. I didn't make the gold medal all by myself.

48:25 Adam Yeah, but you're just not being so modest. Drew, please.

48:29 Caller I've included it.

48:29 Adam Drew, do you ever do any fencing and that stuff?

48:32 Drew Very little bit.

48:33 Adam Really?

48:34 Drew We actually took a fencing class at college.

48:37 Adam You took a fencing class in college?

48:38 Caller Yeah.

48:40 Caller How did you like it?

48:41 Drew It was all right. The beginning stuff is tedious. It wasn't quite as fun as I thought it would be.

48:46 Caller It's definitely boring in the beginning if you're just learning how to advance and retreat. There's nothing fun about that.

48:50 Adam I did some fencing when I was younger too. I put up cyclone fencing. I did dog-eared redwood fencing.

48:56 Caller That's tough, the redwood.

48:58 Adam Yeah, it can be tough.

49:00 Caller Tidious too. Tidious too.

49:03 Adam I did a lot of fencing, but never with a coil.

49:06 Caller Just tedious.

49:06 Adam Yeah. How do you say un-guard? Do you have a certain way of doing it?

49:11 Caller There's un-guard. There's also pre-aller.

49:14 Adam Oh, really?

49:14 Caller Yeah.

49:15 Adam Drew, what's that mean?

49:16 Drew After going.

49:17 Adam After going.

49:18 Caller Is that what it means?

49:19 Caller I don't know.

49:19 Caller I never knew. It just meant...

49:21 Adam Time to party?

49:22 Caller Time to get busy. Time to get busy. First time threw me off, but I didn't forget it.

49:27 Adam We are able to do that move where they have the candelabra and the candles are all lit and you go and someone goes, you missed and then all the candles fall down?

49:37 Caller Definitely had a few drinks and tried it, but basically all I've done is knock over the opera and start a fire.

49:42 Adam Nice. All right. When we left off, we were speaking to female Chris who's obsessed with porn.

49:49 Caller I hope she knows what she wants now.

49:51 Caller Well, I'll tell you.

49:52 Caller She had a little while. I hope she knows what she's still there.

49:54 Adam This is the, how dare you? This is the difference between men and women, which is women can actually love porn and not have a preference whereas a guy, if he's into porn, has a very specific preference. Chris?

50:08 Caller I'm right here.

50:09 Adam Okay. So you're obsessed with porn. How much porn do you watch on a daily basis? You watch some every day?

50:16 Caller Well, if I can, yeah, I will. And I, okay, here's a brief synopsis. I'm thinking this has a lot to do with it. I was never like this before, but I got divorced. And during the duration that I was married, I'm not kidding you, I was married for two years. I had sex with my husband like maybe 10 times. And in that time, I would like constantly ask him like, well, what's wrong?

50:43 Caller Is it me?

50:44 Caller Should we go to a counselor? And he never, he was like, no, no, it's me. I mean, he would, it sucked, we ended up getting divorced. I ended up, I remember like the day I got pregnant, I got pregnant, I had a baby. It even got worse from there. Like he didn't touch me after the baby was born.

50:59 Adam He never had sex with you and you got pregnant?

51:01 Caller No, I said we had like sex like maybe 10 times.

51:04 Caller Do you watch porn with toys?

51:07 Caller Of our marriage.

51:08 Adam All right, so wait, you're single now, you have a child.

51:12 Caller Right, and after the baby was almost about one, he was cheating on me, I found out. So that's why.

51:19 Adam The kid was cheating, your husband was cheating?

51:22 Caller Right.

51:23 Adam All right.

51:23 Caller And then he separated and I swear to God after he separated and I went through obviously a hard time, I like became obsessed with like just like sex and like I had.

51:34 Caller Do you just watch it or do you play with yourself when you do it?

51:37 Caller All of the above and you know what, I feel really bad about it and I don't like, I don't wanna do that and I just.

51:46 Drew Well, the usual cycle of sexual abuse and sexual addiction compulsion is the more guilty, ashamed and bad you feel, the more it makes you wanna do it as a way of trying to remove yourself from those feelings.

51:56 Caller I swear to God, like I've tried to stop doing it and I cannot and I just feel it makes me feel so bad about myself and it makes me even feel worse because I have to drop the kid off during the exchange, you know, the visitation time and I have to see the girl all the time and I think to myself, if you're gonna cheat on somebody, go 10 steps up, dude, not 10 steps down because I'm a pretty good looking girl and I cannot figure it out and it just makes it even worse.

52:20 Adam All right, hold on, Nutshell. First off, please take this kid, put it in an air cannon and face it toward Mecca so it has a chance at a good life. Please, with the crazy, effed up young moms everywhere with all their baggage screwing their kids up, it drives me nuts. I pray it's a girl so she can be a stripper instead of a carjack, me in 15 years as a guy. The dude is going to end up just smacking on his old lady, at least a chick will get in a porn or something. But here's the thing, what is it with you goofball women who have to judge the looks of the next woman your guy's with? And by the way, if the next chick is 10 times uglier than you, that just means you have a horrible personality. Look at it that way.

53:06 Caller Oh, that's rough.

53:07 Caller Well, do the math. Well, I'm with you for that.

53:10 Adam The new chick's a three and you're an eight and a half? It must be a colossal bitch.

53:15 Caller This one sounds like an obsessor.

53:17 Adam She sounds like a pain in the ass. Chris?

53:21 Caller Well, thanks a lot, Adam. That was cool.

53:23 Adam Well, look, I mean, if she's ugly, she must have a great personality.

53:28 Caller Why don't you stop obsessing and move on? You know, you like porn? Porn's fine. I don't think that's the problem.

53:34 Drew The problem is you're obsessing on a chubby chick.

53:36 Caller I get back to the porn, like, what is the deal? Well, I stop trying to stop doing that, and I feel really bad about it.

53:44 Drew Here's the deal. I have a sense, based on this way you're telling me this story, is that it's sort of a, what we call, really kind of a form of a post-traumatic stress disorder, that somehow this abandonment by him re-triggered something. And the triggering has caused you to use sex as a way of trying to regulate your feelings and manage all this. And in the course of it, you become either addicted or at least compulsive about it. So what was it? Did your father leave your mom and cheat or something? Is this a re-enactment of something that re-triggered?

54:16 Caller They were divorced when I was two. I was fine. Like, confidence lies and whatnot.

54:22 Drew No, no, no. But this is triggered. This is some early trauma has resurfaced. Something that happened to you, whether it was sexual abuse or seeing some sexual material or abandonment or something, somebody cheating, something early.

54:37 Caller I think that's what it is, is that once he did that, it just made me feel really bad.

54:41 Caller But he found somebody else. Clue in.

54:43 Adam She doesn't know what you're talking about.

54:46 Drew Yeah, she doesn't hear me even.

54:47 Adam Let me deal with Chris.

54:49 Drew Can you talk the language, yes?

54:51 Adam I speak fluent TARD, yes.

54:53 Drew Okay, okay.

54:54 Adam But I have a bunch of TARD burlitz tapes in my car. Chris, here's the thing, I've been hard on you, I'm gonna be a good boy now. Unfortunately, you're 20, you have a ton of problems, and you have a child. You need to focus on getting your life together and being a good mother to this child so they don't get effed up like you got effed up. You gotta get some therapy, because you got a ball of angst and hurt and anger and whatever else going on inside of you. As far as your ex-husband goes, he only gave it to you once every other month. Good riddance.

55:29 Drew Let him be with the ugly chick.

55:31 Adam Move forward.

55:33 Drew I agree with you, Adam. Isn't it a coincidence that she and her husband break up when her child is just about two also? It's gotta be over the same kind of thing. It has got to be, just cause it's such a...

55:48 Adam I'm sure it is, but I don't think we're gonna get to it. So Chris, you need to be sane on your child's behalf, okay? As far as the masturbation goes, give it to yourself right now. If you wanna masturbate, do it. Stop judging.

56:01 Caller Until somebody else gives it to you. I mean, you need someone else to give it to you, and you need to stop dwelling on the guy and the girl being ugly or whatever. Find a new guy for you.

56:10 Adam And that super white trashy gene of focusing on the appearance of the new chick is completely adolescent and ridiculous. You gotta move on.

56:18 Caller You guys were saying, like, find a guy for me, like, I'm not gonna have every time, you know, like, I'm not gonna bring people around my child, but I'm not gonna do that.

56:26 Drew All right, call the time. I'm good. What, what, what?

56:29 Adam Oh, she's not gonna bring creepy guys around her child, which is clue number two or three.

56:33 Drew Right, because that's what happened to her, of course.

56:35 Adam Something.

56:36 Drew Right.

56:37 Adam Chris, really, what happened? Creepy guy, stepdad, bad boyfriend?

56:42 Caller No, I swear to God, no.

56:43 Adam Okay, all right, listen.

56:45 Drew Chage, call, ask your mom. We'll find out your dad left after he cheated. So anyway, call-

56:49 Caller My dad left because he was, my mom divorced him because he was an abusive alcoholic. I didn't see it. I went to middle.

56:54 Adam There you go.

56:56 Drew By the way, you did see it, and you saw it at a critical time in your development. That is that it has a profound effect on your brain development, seeing that stuff go down. Call DeLamo Hospital in Torrance. A guy named John Seeley there deals with exactly what you've got. DeLamo Hospital in Torrance, yes.

57:10 Adam All right. Chris, do it on behalf of your kid, would you? Just take care of yourself. And, you know, I mean, here's the thing. Chris has major issues. Everyone. This is why you don't have a kid at 18 or 19. You're not prepared, in the best case scenario, to take care of the kid. But if you have some serious issues, then it's a train wreck. I mean, then you have a kid that you're doing damage to. It is child abuse.

57:40 Caller It's not your life anymore. It's both of you.

57:43 Adam Right. And the thing is, is, Drew, you know enough to know that it is child abuse for somebody who was abused, who never got any treatment for it, who's not prepared or fit to raise a child, to try to raise a child. You don't have to be beating them. You don't have to be sexually abusing them. You just have to be an unfit, you just have to be an unfit parent.

58:05 Drew It's just a pattern. Right. I wouldn't use a strong word like unfit. I think Charlie's got the more of the kind of-

58:09 Caller It's like the alligators.

58:11 Drew Well, it's that trauma is transmitted intergenerationally. Generation to generation, the trauma goes on. I was just thinking about Tom Arnold. He was telling me he's never been able to be in a relationship longer than the interval of time that passed between his birth and his mother's leaving, which was like four years. So he goes in a relationship for four years and then he just has to sabotage it at four years. And then, interestingly, at four years of age is when his mom took off.

58:35 Adam He hasn't been able to keep a job for longer than 18 months either.

58:38 Drew Different issue.

58:39 Adam Okay. Here's the thing. Drew and I were talking about this the other night on one of our intimate cell phone conversations on the ride home. Because let me tell you something, people. Although this show is now basically just turned into me telling stories about my garbage man and old high school football.

58:56 Drew And new television ideas.

58:57 Adam Football is a great story. It is. The real work of the show takes place when Drew and I speak on our cell phones on the ride home. That's when the real work exploration happens. And we pretty much decided that almost everyone we knew took the path of their parents in terms of relationships. The folks that didn't get divorced, like Drew's parents never got divorced. And for Drew, divorce is not an option.

59:24 Drew My wife's parents never got divorced either. That's not something that ever comes up for us. It's not even on the screen. It's not even possible.

59:30 Adam Okay, easy. Don't protest too much.

59:32 Caller True turn the lights back on.

59:33 Adam A lot of people don't think the reason it's not an option for Drew is because he never gets balls back from his wife.

59:39 Drew That's one of the reasons.

59:40 Adam Just buried in a mason jar somewhere and there's a map written on the back of a IHOP placemat and she'll never give it back to him. But it's really because his parents never got divorced and her parents never got divorced. It's not an option.

59:55 Caller Monkey see monkey do.

59:56 Adam That's right. How dare you call Drew's wife a monkey?

1:00:00 Caller I don't mean it like that. My parents aren't divorced either.

1:00:04 Adam The point is most of the people's parents aren't divorced. They get married. It's not really an option that they get divorced. And then there's other people I know who seem to be getting divorced right about the same age their parents were when they got divorced magically. So it obviously makes an impact. And it's something that people don't really look at too much. But let me say, let me tell you this, kiddies, if you're marrying somebody some years from now, and you find out that person was married three times before, or their mom was married six times or something like that. If you talk to someone and they say, yeah, my dad was married three times. My mom was married four times. Dad lives in Florida. Mom lives in Arizona. What do you give? What do you give? Drew, over on the relationship, three and a half years?

1:00:49 Drew At max.

1:00:50 Adam Marriage?

1:00:51 Caller Even with it, it can still be a functional relationship if you're divorced, I think.

1:00:55 Adam Oh yeah, but I'm just saying, show me someone whose mom-

1:00:57 Caller It just doesn't have to be hatred.

1:00:59 Adam Show me someone whose mom or dad got divorced multiple times. You marry that person, you're getting divorced. You gotta think about this, Charlie.

1:01:06 Drew Why are you talking about Daniel like that? How dare you? All right.

1:01:12 Adam Now Drew, you want to say Daniel is, or you just want to bring up random people's names?

1:01:16 Drew It's Adam's- how do you want to- he's your producer.

1:01:19 Adam All right.

1:01:20 Drew And he had a mom that- I don't want to give a whole lot to this person.

1:01:23 Adam All right, buddy. Tony?

1:01:25 Caller Yo. Yes.

1:01:29 Adam What's up?

1:01:30 Caller What's up, Vicka?

1:01:31 Adam Yeah, Vicka Christ.

1:01:32 Caller What's going on?

1:01:34 Caller I actually- I called the- I told the screen that I had a question for Charlie, but that was pretty much a lie.

1:01:41 Caller Tony, you don't want to talk to me?

1:01:43 Caller No, you seem to be pretty good at it.

1:01:45 Caller Yeah.

1:01:46 Adam If I had more energy, I'd hang up on you, but go ahead.

1:01:49 Caller All right, Tony. What do you got? What do you got, not for me?

1:01:52 Caller Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Adam's been talking about how he's the best at receiving oral.

1:01:57 Adam Yeah.

1:01:57 Caller And I'd like to challenge that.

1:01:58 Adam Oh, really? Bring it on. Bring it.

1:02:01 Caller All right. You want me to do a little theater of the mind?

1:02:04 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. A little what? Well, here's the thing.

1:02:07 Drew Adam doesn't even need to.

1:02:08 Caller Someone better fill me in on this thing, because I'm a little confused. So, Tony, take it easy on this one.

1:02:13 Adam I will straighten you out.

1:02:14 Caller Easy on my ears, buddy.

1:02:15 Adam First off, I don't want any theater of the mind. I want puppetry of the penis. All right. Number one. By the way, that's Art. Bunch of numbnuts playing with their Johnson out on stage. Here's the thing. A lot of guys brag about how much they can please a woman, how good they are on a woman. For me, I like to brag that I receive the best. Nobody receives oral like the Ace man. Tony over here thinks he can receive better than me. I don't think a man has been born that can receive oral better than me.

1:02:49 Caller Does he talk dirty? What do you talk dirty on it? What do you like? You just got to tell him they do it good or you just or you just don't take it?

1:02:56 Drew Listen, give him a load Adam. Give him a shot.

1:02:59 Adam Well, first off, ask the Colonel what his 12 herbs and spices are. He's not going to tell you.

1:03:05 Caller That's the man.

1:03:07 Drew All right.

1:03:08 Caller That's enough for me. I got it.

1:03:09 Adam All right. Go ahead. Tony, let's hear how you can receive oral.

1:03:16 Caller Okay. First, I like to, I started out, I put the hand on top of her head. Just do a little light correcting.

1:03:23 Drew This is already no good. This is no good.

1:03:24 Caller It's already average.

1:03:25 Drew It's bad. It's bad.

1:03:26 Caller It's already average.

1:03:27 Adam Let's hear what you sound like.

1:03:28 Drew Wait, Adam, you got to show Charlie what you do so he understands the context of this discussion.

1:03:32 Caller I don't think he's ever done it for a guy. It'd be kind of good.

1:03:34 Caller He's not donkey punching, is he?

1:03:36 Adam It's weird. Let me hear, Drew, would you shut your trap? Tony, let's hear what you sound like. Let me just hear what it sounds like.

1:03:44 Caller Hmm, oh yeah, that's nice. That was that. No.

1:03:48 Caller That's awful. I just heard it and I could be like, mm, God darn, sugar daddy, Mr. Long, girl. You got it going on. Come on.

1:04:00 Adam Tony, you sound like you're reading a teleprompter.

1:04:02 Caller Tony, what, did you write this on a piece of paper or do you tape it to her forehead when you read it?

1:04:07 Adam Yeah, you put a post-it on her.

1:04:08 Caller Or at least the way we used to do the fridge magnet.

1:04:11 Adam Yeah, that's right, mountain technique.

1:04:13 Caller All right, fine, I brought my B game, but I have another question.

1:04:19 Caller I wish it was your C or D game.

1:04:20 Adam Let's go, give it one more try.

1:04:24 Caller It's just gonna rag on me.

1:04:26 Adam Now go ahead, one more try, here we go. And action, yeah.

1:04:30 Caller Oh yeah, just like that.

1:04:33 Drew I hope your mom's listening.

1:04:35 Caller All right, look.

1:04:36 Caller Just like that? No, you gotta tell her to correct it. Knock it in there, donkey punchers.

1:04:41 Caller I'm talking to three dudes right now, come on.

1:04:42 Adam All right, marginally better than his first pass, but.

1:04:46 Caller Little better, a little better.

1:04:47 Adam Yeah, not great. Let's talk to George Hamm.

1:04:51 Drew You must show Charlie, you must show him.

1:04:53 Adam I'm not showing. Drew, would you shut up?

1:04:56 Caller How many times I've told you you're not doing this?

1:04:57 Caller Just because your room is dark over there, don't be trying to tell us what we need to do here.

1:05:01 Yeah.

1:05:02 Caller All right.

1:05:04 Adam Georgeann.

1:05:05 Hi.

1:05:06 Caller Hey, Georgeann.

1:05:07 Adam Hey. What's happening? You're 16.

1:05:09 Caller Yes.

1:05:10 Caller Oh, sorry, Georgeann.

1:05:11 Caller I have a question for Charlie.

1:05:13 Adam Here he is.

1:05:14 Caller You are an extremely handsome man, and I just want to know why you had to resort to a TV show to find love.

1:05:19 Caller It's not about resorting, Georgeann. It's about thousands of people applied for it, and it was an opportunity to ching ching or whatever. I mean, it was an opportunity to have thousands of girls apply for it, and the producers got to know me. And then after that, there's 25, and after that it's up to me to knock down which girls are what and figure out what's right for me. And I can tell you that you can honestly find love in this situation. People are doing it on the internet. People are doing it by mail order, and it works.

1:05:50 Adam Yeah, mail order.

1:05:51 Caller Whatever it is. And this one actually it can happen.

1:05:53 Adam Well, what are your aspirations in terms of performing or television or that sort of thing? I mean, what do you want to, when this is all over, would you like to be in front of the camera? Would you like to do a sitcom? Would you like to do features?

1:06:07 Caller I don't know. I've done features. I've done sitcoms. I've done all that. It's not it's honestly this was not about that. This was an opportunity that when it came to me, my brother and one of the producers was a friend of my brother. They said, what do you think about being the next bachelor? And your brother, well, my brother and him, this is what do you think about being the next bachelor to me?

1:06:25 Adam Right.

1:06:25 Caller And after getting that, I slept on it. I heard it in the morning and I was like, this sounds kind of crazy. But the thing is, is that I think I would have wondered my whole life.

1:06:36 Adam Right.

1:06:37 Caller If I didn't take the opportunity. It's a fantastic opportunity to meet a girl.

1:06:41 Adam Yeah. No.

1:06:42 Caller It's a fantastic opportunity to meet 25 and then narrow it down from there.

1:06:45 Adam And here's the thing too. Drew, back me up here. I feel like this question gets asked more and more, especially with these reality TV shows. Like, why were you?

1:06:58 Caller I feel like I have to defend the other guys.

1:07:00 Adam Here's what people don't realize. There's shades of gray in life. There's probably 60 percent of you that wanted to do this and 40 percent of you that thought, what the hell am I getting myself into?

1:07:11 Caller Because I got to defend these questions that are just.

1:07:14 Adam No, no, people act like you were born wanting to be The Bachelor. If you, if somebody came up to almost anyone listening to the show and said, you want to go on Survivor, you want to be The Bachelor, you want to be the female on The Bachelor, whatever, 90 percent of the people would go, yeah, sure, I'll go for it. Yeah, it doesn't make them a bad person.

1:07:34 Caller It's pretty much the same thing. And like, like you're good looking. Why do you have to be ugly to be The Bachelor? Why do you have to, you know?

1:07:41 Adam It would be funny.

1:07:42 Caller Well, they've done it, or whatever it is, I'm telling you that this thing was something that I came out, and the reason why I got changed is because when I said I was gonna do it, I'm gonna do it to try to find a girl.

1:07:53 Adam Right.

1:07:53 Caller And I'm not doing it in a fairytale land, and at the end of this thing, the only thing that could make it destructive is if it, if I flim flammed the girls and made it like a fairytale world.

1:08:03 Adam What did, did you learn anything? Was there, did you walk, you know, you walk away with some message? Is there something that you, if you change?

1:08:11 Caller I haven't walked away yet, and I can tell you that you're definitely gonna be surprised at the ending because I truly am, I've got two great girls, and I plan on sticking with one of them, and that's why I took time after the show to try to really figure it out because I want it to last.

1:08:24 Adam Does it sort of make you, yeah.

1:08:26 Drew I was saying, any life lessons you learned from this process?

1:08:29 Caller Life lessons, no. I mean, I think I really knew the ones beforehand going into it where like girls, just looking for girls that went on it for the right reason, or went on it for the wrong reason.

1:08:38 Drew Let me ask you this, Charlie, are the two that you're with now, the two that you were sort of initially thought, oh, those are the ones when you first met them?

1:08:46 Adam Interesting.

1:08:48 Drew I think guys are that way, by the way.

1:08:54 Caller You gotta wait and see. I think because right where we are in the thing, I don't want to give away what's what.

1:08:59 Adam Let me ask you this without trying to corny you, because I do think it's a really interesting question. Obviously, you see 25 women and you have almost immediate feelings based on whatever chemistry looks, whatever.

1:09:12 Caller And the first two minutes are just personality.

1:09:14 Adam Did that go away as the show progressed or more advanced?

1:09:19 Caller With some yes and with some no. There's some girls that I really dug on the first two minutes that then it flips around and you're like, the girl just has a good two minutes. You can have a good two minutes at a bar with anybody and then realize that it's the wrong, you know, you can have a good two minutes and you can also have a nervous two minutes because you gotta realize that you're on TV and these girls, they're nervous.

1:09:41 Drew I wanna follow on.

1:09:42 Caller You got two minutes, you're...

1:09:43 Drew Yes, follow on one sense. And you may not be able to answer this one, but was there anybody, sometimes you have a real strong oh my god with somebody, then you have anything like that in the first few minutes.

1:09:54 Caller I had it with a few girls that I was like, this girl I definitely think could last because just from the first day I was like, I'm really attracted to this girl, this girl's really great and you can definitely have that. But after getting to know them and spending more time, then it comes down to, I mean, do I want a pretty girl? Yeah, I want a girl that I find attractive. And then after that, it's all personality and it's all making me, I'm a big laugh guy. I think even on your bad day, you should be able to have a giggle about it. Just don't take life so seriously, that's how I am.

1:10:28 Adam We need to, by the way, take a break.

1:10:32 Drew Don't be so serious, Adam.

1:10:35 Adam I know, I got to start having a laugh.

1:10:37 Caller Now you're the one throwing breaks in.

1:10:39 Adam Charlie, I know, always running late. Charlie was nice enough to stay an extra 24 minutes with us and we do appreciate it. The Bachelor is Monday nights, nine o'clock on ABC, Charlie O'Connell. Tell your brother to come in here, by the way.

1:10:56 Caller Absolutely.

1:10:57 Adam Bring his hot girlfriend. Nice to meet you, by the way.

1:11:00 Caller All right. Nice meeting you guys.

1:11:01 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew in Detroit Motor City tonight. Tomorrow night, the killers are going to be in the studio. We'll say good night to Charlie O'Connell. And Drew, something that engineer Michelle brought to my attention. Remember at the end of the night, last night, I said the Dr. Doolittle, the animal, the push me, pull me?

1:11:42 Drew I said push me, pull you.

1:11:44 Adam And you said it's push me, pull you?

1:11:46 Drew Is that wrong?

1:11:48 Adam What do you think, baby?

1:11:49 Drew I could have sworn it was push and pull you. Michelle, how do you know that's not that?

1:11:53 Caller Because I just looked it up.

1:11:54 Adam She got on the internet.

1:11:56 Drew Push me, push me, pull me? You're a lesbian. I would bet. I would almost. Drew, you're very sure of yourself. I'm usually wrong, but I'm rarely this sure of myself.

1:12:14 Adam Usually? Usually?

1:12:15 Drew No, I'm usually wrong.

1:12:16 Adam Usually?

1:12:18 Drew Always wrong, but I'm rarely this sure of myself.

1:12:20 Adam That's true. And here's the thing about Drew, and to be fair to Drew, Drew, when he is, when he is in the room, and he's in the room, and he's in the room, when he is in his field of expertise, he has an incredibly high batting average, as soon as he steps out of it, he turns-

1:12:36 Drew One micron.

1:12:37 Adam One micron, he really turns into like a junior college student who suffered blunt force head trauma. Zero understanding of anything. But he does pull one out of his ass every once in a while.

1:12:52 Drew And, and usually because I know I'm that brain-injured JC student, I'll back down real easily.

1:12:58 Adam Yeah, but this is one Drew can stand on.

1:13:01 Drew Yeah, I'm not backing down.

1:13:01 Adam He's not backing down. Wow. So I thought it was, and Dr. Doolittle is a little more in your, in your wheelhouse of mine, because I never really saw the original movie. Now for a lot of people, they don't know that. I think there was one, I don't know, 1960 or something, there was original Dr. Doolittle. And then, of course, Eddie Murphy made, made it later. But I don't think they had to push me, pull whatever. And the more recent Eddie Murphy version of the Dr. Doolittle. So you got to go way back. I'm not even sure I even saw that one with like, I don't know, Richard Chamberlain or something. I can figure out who that was. Who was that?

1:13:44 Drew From, from Rex Harrison.

1:13:46 Adam Rex Harrison.

1:13:48 Drew Yes.

1:13:48 Adam Yeah.

1:13:49 Drew So anyway, I'm going to have to go rent the video and I know exactly where in the film it is. In fact, toward the end.

1:13:55 Adam All right. So now also, I thought it looked like a llama.

1:13:59 Drew And yeah, it was a llama.

1:14:01 Adam Michelle says it's a donkey.

1:14:03 Drew So that's no, no, no, no, no, no. Then it's the wrong animal. It was a two headed llama.

1:14:07 Adam That's what I thought.

1:14:08 Caller It says right here, two headed donkey.

1:14:11 Drew I'm just telling you, I guarantee you that. I'm absolutely a thousand percent sure of it. Passion.

1:14:17 Adam You hear the passion coming through.

1:14:18 Drew So you've got the wrong, you've got the wrong animal. It's a problem.

1:14:20 Caller Well, I'm reading it from the fairy tale book.

1:14:23 Drew I understand. But in the, in the, the film, look up the film with Rex Harrison. That's what we're talking about.

1:14:29 Adam I think they got rid of the donkey because it had a drinking problem and they just put a two headed llama in there.

1:14:36 Drew All right.

1:14:36 Adam I was a little confused about the donkey too, but it's also interesting that it is called the Push Me Pull Me in the original thing. Get on there. Straighten that out.

1:14:45 Drew Look up Push Me Pull You. Look up Push Me Pull You and reference the film.

1:14:51 Caller Let me tell you something.

1:14:53 Adam I spent 10 minutes with engineer Chris on that after the show last night. It was a disaster.

1:14:58 Drew Oh no.

1:15:00 Adam Melanie?

1:15:02 Charlie O’Connell Hello.

1:15:03 Adam You're 18? You're questioning your sexuality? You're the right place.

1:15:10 Drew You're a lesbian.

1:15:11 Adam Please.

1:15:11 Caller Well, I don't know yet.

1:15:13 Adam All right.

1:15:14 Caller Let's go ahead.

1:15:15 Charlie O’Connell Something happened to me when I was between the ages of five and eight for about three years. I don't know how related this is. But I had a best friend and our friendship started out and we we would like look at my dad's porno magazines and stuff. And then like we started like acting stuff out with each other.

1:15:43 Drew There you go. Nothing to do with it. Nothing. I have nothing.

1:15:46 Adam Well, what what got her started? Do you know what kind of started back then?

1:15:52 Drew No, no. Come on. This stuff always has something to do with it.

1:15:55 Adam And what do you mean, the porn?

1:15:56 Drew No, no. Well, the early sexualization and then the confusion with the boundary violations with the peer or with the adult. I know it's not as traumatizing with it when it's a peer.

1:16:06 Adam No, it's not. But what motivated her when she was eight?

1:16:10 Drew Why don't the what motivated her was the friend had been sexually abused by somebody and was, you know, violating all the boundaries. That's that's what happened.

1:16:18 Adam She didn't say her friend pushed it along.

1:16:21 Drew That's what happened.

1:16:22 Adam Well, Drew, you refuse to accept that kids do a lot of like this kind of this kind of stuff.

1:16:30 Drew They do a lot of sort of a fishing around, but they don't go sexual. They don't they aren't acting towards intercourse.

1:16:38 Adam Well, they they're fishing around would be considered sexual if it was two adults. You know what I'm saying?

1:16:44 Drew Yeah.

1:16:44 Adam I mean, they're getting naked and they're looking at each other's parts and stuff.

1:16:47 Drew Yeah, but there's no sense of what purpose or direction or drive is what I'm saying.

1:16:52 Adam Unless somebody is. You know what I think it is? I think they're I think it's minus all the it's like it's sort of like sitting in the car never starting it up. But they're simul they know what they're doing, but there's no there's no fuel behind it because there's no hormones and there's no there's no testosterone and there's no you know you're in the body of a child. I think they understand this almost in a weird way the sexual part of it. They certainly understand that if an adult came down the hall they would throw the jump under the covers and not be seen. I mean they understand that they're doing something wrong and they understand there's a sexual nature to it. But at eight what the hell you're going to do? I mean you don't have any drive.

1:17:38 Drew But if they start actually engaging in oral sex or having intercourse then you've got something weird going on, something that's somebody else induced in one of those kids.

1:17:47 Adam Most likely. Melanie?

1:17:49 Charlie O’Connell Yeah.

1:17:51 Adam Who drove this sexual escapade along?

1:17:55 Charlie O’Connell Well, she was three years older than me. Uh-oh.

1:17:59 Adam Yeah. We're getting somewhere.

1:18:00 Charlie O’Connell Well, we were just really close friends and I was a really sexual little kid so I...

1:18:09 Drew What does that mean? What does that mean?

1:18:11 Adam Who's creepy?

1:18:12 Charlie O’Connell I don't know. I was just kind of sexual. I don't really know how to put it.

1:18:17 Adam All right. But listen, Melanie, and maybe you can't answer this, but I asked who sort of drove it. You know, when she came over, who said, let's go look at the magazines? You or was it her? You know, who said, let's get naked and jump in the pool? Was it you or was it her? Who drove it?

1:18:34 Charlie O’Connell Initially, it was her. But then I would say the same thing.

1:18:38 Drew Yeah, once she broke it open, violated all the boundaries.

1:18:41 Adam Do you think she was sexually abused?

1:18:44 Caller Actually, yeah, a few years ago, they're okay.

1:18:48 Drew Okay, Adam, we apologize to me now?

1:18:50 Adam No.

1:18:51 Charlie O’Connell Her uncle, like a wood raper and he...

1:18:53 Adam Yeah.

1:18:54 Drew Adam, will you apologize to me now?

1:18:56 Adam I will, but listen, hold on a second. First off, I thought she was a peer. The second I found out she was three years older, that's another situation.

1:19:03 Drew That's a peer, that one was six, one was nine?

1:19:06 Adam No, no, one was, oh, I thought she started it, went from like eight to 11 or something like that. Three years is a pretty healthy difference when you're a kid.

1:19:17 Drew Well, when you're 10.

1:19:18 Adam I mean, that's three grades.

1:19:19 Drew Yeah.

1:19:20 Adam Yeah, it's pretty big when you're six too, even six. How old did you get? What were your ages?

1:19:27 Charlie O’Connell I met her when I was five and then we stayed friends for a long time, but kind of got involved in that kind of stuff for about three years.

1:19:35 Caller So five to eight.

1:19:36 Drew Five to eight, Adam. Come on. Of course it was because she was sexually abused by her uncle. Of course that's what happened.

1:19:43 Adam Now, yeah, now she's three years older than her. I thought they're both five year olds when she started telling the story.

1:19:47 Drew Even if they were both five year olds, this is the story. This is always the story of an adult sexually abusing a child who then comes on to another child. That's how that works.

1:19:56 Caller Well, it depends what they're doing though, Drew.

1:19:59 Adam She didn't make it clear what she was doing. She said, I was five, I had a peer, we looked at dirty magazines, and we fooled around. I said that doesn't necessarily mean sexual abuse. Now, if she's putting a wooden spoon up her and she's three years older, then it definitely means it. I'm just saying to you, you don't have to jump to it immediately. Yeah, this is certainly unfolding that way. And now, you're right. So what did you guys do together?

1:20:28 Caller Oh, we would just...

1:20:29 Charlie O’Connell One would pretend to be the boy, and the other was the girl, and we would kiss, and dry hump each other, but we didn't fake anything inside one another.

1:20:39 Adam But you would be naked? Yes? Oh, okay. All right, so it sounds like there was something going on, but it wasn't as severe, let's say, as some of the stuff we've heard over the years. Still, boundary this and boundary that.

1:20:57 Drew Enough to really confuse, to scramble your sexual identity.

1:21:00 Adam But not enough, I don't believe, to do it if you had no capacity to be with a woman, let's say.

1:21:09 Drew I will tell you for sure, every time, I see this stuff all the time, all the time when those kinds of violation results in, not necessarily, I mean, she's not saying, I'm a lesbian, I love women. She's saying, I'm confused, I see that all the time.

1:21:23 Adam It's enough to get that start, it's enough to get you going down that road.

1:21:26 Drew Right, exactly.

1:21:28 Charlie O’Connell Because I think women are really beautiful and I'd like to touch some of them, but when I think about-

1:21:36 Caller Who cares?

1:21:37 Adam Well, wait a minute, Anderson, she may be hot. We care.

1:21:42 Caller But don't all women want to touch women?

1:21:44 Adam I mean, no.

1:21:45 Charlie O’Connell I don't really want to take it any further than that.

1:21:48 Caller I mean, okay.

1:21:49 Adam Well, you must be attractive, obviously, or you wouldn't be sharing this with us. Are you good looking?

1:21:55 Charlie O’Connell Yeah, I'm pretty good looking.

1:21:57 Adam I'll tell you why, because ugly chicks are like, nobody gives a rat's ass about them thinking about other women every once in a while. It's like, yeah, all right, fatty, would you come on freshen up my drink, would you? Empty the ashtray? I mean, look, it's sad, it's sad, but true. Okay, you're hot, you got tampered with when you were young, you're scrambled just a little bit, doesn't sound like you're a lesbian, sounds like you have some sexual feelings toward women, do whatever you want, but how about maybe a little therapy for the scrambling that went on? You're not going to correct it through experimenting with women.

1:22:36 Drew No, no, no, no.

1:22:37 Adam I think people think it's going to come into focus if they try it. It's really, it's not like a food that you're wondering about.

1:22:45 Drew Right, not at all.

1:22:46 Adam You know, if it's a dish, it's pretty easy to figure out. You just go, yeah, I've never had Thai food before. And then you go to a Thai food restaurant and when you leave, you go, all right, either I'm into this or I'm not, but it's all in very sharp focus now.

1:23:00 Drew No, you might go, maybe that wasn't the right restaurant, I'll try one more time. No, out, not me.

1:23:04 Adam Yeah, you wouldn't even do that. I think you'd just do it and say screw it or you'd be into it. But the point is, is with sex, it just tends to make things even more confusing. Yeah, that's right. Get some therapy and maybe this will come into focus. And if not, do your thing, don't get pregnant. And you don't have to declare a major, you're 18, who cares?

1:23:26 Drew Have a good time.

1:23:27 Adam Uh-oh, I've got a Dr. Doolittle answer here before we go to break.

1:23:30 Charlie O’Connell I found it too on the internet.

1:23:32 Caller Yeah.

1:23:33 Adam 15.

1:23:34 Caller Yeah.

1:23:35 Adam What do you know about Dr. Doolittle?

1:23:37 Caller The, the, it's Push Me Pull You. Thank you.

1:23:40 Drew Vindication.

1:23:42 Adam Well, not total vindication because it's in the original stories, Push Me Pull Me. But Drew was talking about the movie. I will give him that.

1:23:49 Caller In the 1967 movie, it's Push Me Pull You.

1:23:51 Drew Thank you.

1:23:52 Caller Correct. It's Push Me Pull You in the 1957 movie.

1:23:56 Drew And it's a llama. And it's a llama. Thank you.

1:23:59 Adam Well, hold on. What's with the thank you and the llama? I told you it was a llama last night.

1:24:05 Drew Well, then you should stop referencing the donkey's name.

1:24:09 Adam I did. How dare you? Engineer Michelle pulled the thing up on her own without any prompting from the ace man or the vicar of Christ. She pulled it up on her own, stopped me from wronging now and said, and said, I'm looking at the original story of Dr. Doolittle and it's called Push Me Pull Me and it's a donkey. And when she said it's a donkey, I said, wait a minute, donkey, it's a llama. And that's, that's when you came on the line. So, you know, my hands are clean here. I'm going to call, I'm going to say this Drew.

1:24:43 Drew It's a push.

1:24:45 Adam Well, obviously you got your answer from somewhere and I got my answer from somewhere. Mine was from the story. Yours is from the movie. I'm giving this one to Dr. Drew. The llama is a push, but I was thinking of the movie when I said that. And therefore, Dr. Drew, correct everyone. Please, everyone take a moment. Remember where they were when Dr. Drew was right.

1:25:05 Drew When I stood by something I actually knew.

1:25:07 Adam Saver. That's right. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:25:14 Caller Hello, what is it?

1:25:25 Adam Yeah, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew in Detroit. Now, Drew, you're in a hotel with a bunch of cool cars.

1:25:33 Drew Oh, it's amazing. It's a hotel like the Westin in Los Angeles, the big cylindrical thing with the window, where the very bottom floor is just-

1:25:41 Adam I thought that was the Bonaventure.

1:25:43 Drew Bonaventure, the Westin Bonaventure. There's a huge car museum, and they switched the cars out apparently, they were all regulated. Now down there's all these old Cadillacs, and just very cool, it's amazing.

1:25:53 Adam Motor City, everybody. That's where it all started, they love their cars over there.

1:25:57 Drew Oh, and the conventions, everyone here is about cars, everything, it's weird.

1:26:02 Adam I know, LA, nobody drives more cars, but seems to care less about them.

1:26:08 Drew You know what it is, I never really realized every person in this town is doing business around the automobile, everybody. They're having conventions, they're having business, it's all about the car.

1:26:20 Adam Well, let it go, they're mountain self. What are you supposed to have? No, look, I told them, Drew, you're doing an upfront for Discovery Channels. I told them I'd do New York and LA, and that's what I'm sticking with. Drew, over there in Detroit, we're out here in Los Angeles, The Killers in here tomorrow night, we're excited about that. Get back to the phone, speak to Krista, who's 16. Krista? What's happening?

1:26:47 Caller Hi, how are you tonight?

1:26:49 Adam Good. What's going on?

1:26:51 Caller Um, I have a question. Um, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half almost. And, uh, we are sexually active, and it seems like I have the inability to achieve or sustain an orgasm. And I was just wondering, is it because I'm not, like, emotionally feeling or I'm thinking too much?

1:27:19 Adam Well, look, here's the thing. At 16, all bets are off. All bets are off.

1:27:23 Drew Yeah.

1:27:24 Adam You're wiring may not... You may never come online, by the way, but at 16, you're just not gonna do it, or at least most people aren't gonna do it. So, so don't freak out about that.

1:27:38 Caller I was just wondering, because I was born with a thyroid problem.

1:27:41 Drew What kind?

1:27:42 Caller Um, I was low on my thyroid, and I'm currently taking...

1:27:47 Drew That won't affect anything, really. It really won't. As long as you didn't go so long with it undetected that it had neurological effects, which these days essentially never happens. Hmm.

1:27:57 Adam They, they detect that. I mean, now, were you, were you overweight as a child or a baby?

1:28:02 Caller Um, I was, I wasn't overweight. I was chubby until my ninth grade year.

1:28:10 Drew What you don't know, Adam, is that the term cretin was really describing children that grew up without thyroid. They turned into cretins.

1:28:18 Adam Oh, really?

1:28:18 Drew Cretinism, yeah.

1:28:19 Adam You know, it's funny in, in England, they call them cretins.

1:28:23 Drew Ooh.

1:28:23 Adam Yeah.

1:28:24 Drew How do you know that?

1:28:25 Adam I had a stripper girlfriend that was from England.

1:28:27 Drew Oh, that's right. That's right.

1:28:28 Adam She would call me cretin. I was like, all right, is that a compliment? Oh, you mean cretin?

1:28:33 Drew You're a cretin? Call you a cretin. Oh, my God.

1:28:39 Adam Well, what are you going to do? You can mispronounce stuff, so can I.

1:28:42 Drew And that goes on the radio. That's interesting.

1:28:44 Adam Well, I didn't say.

1:28:45 Drew What are you going to do? What are you going to do?

1:28:47 Adam Yeah, I mean, look, you can't say the S word, but you could say Shazad or something, right? I mean, hell, it's a big Jewish telethon. All right, so Krista. Where the hell were we?

1:29:01 Caller I was trying to figure out what could get on the radio.

1:29:04 Drew Just that she's worried too much about this. You're worrying way too much about this.

1:29:09 Caller No, I was just curious. Like, I haven't learned much of what my thyroid problem told just about now. And doesn't like thyroid gland, like, does it tell me about producing hormones?

1:29:21 Drew Yeah, forget it. Forget about the thyroid. It's not an issue for you.

1:29:24 Adam Just here's the part. I'll tell you my favorite part about doing the show. Thyroid, thyroid problem, were you overweight as a child? No, no, I was chubby until I was in the 9th grade.

1:29:36 Drew And then just to follow on that, I tell her that these days that's never an issue. They replace the thyroid immediately. Okay, well, I was wondering if my thyroid problem, okay, right, right.

1:29:47 Adam Krista, you were overweight as a child though, right?

1:29:52 Caller Not too much overweight.

1:29:54 Adam But chubby.

1:29:56 Caller Chubby, not overweight.

1:29:58 Adam Not overweight, chubby, right. You were fat, not overweight.

1:30:03 Caller Yeah.

1:30:05 Adam Yeah, you were the right weight. You were just chubby. It's like all those people you see walking around. They're six foot, they're 140 pounds, not overweight, but chubby. Drew, is there a big difference between chubby and overweight? I didn't say morbidly obese, right?

1:30:20 Drew Like chubby to me seems even like really overweight.

1:30:23 Adam Overweight to me means, well, maybe he's big boned. You know what I'm saying?

1:30:28 Drew Chubby means you're really outside, where you're above the way you should be. Chubby means you're way over the way you should be.

1:30:34 Adam Chubby is sort of, yeah, you might as well just call yourself roly poly.

1:30:39 Drew Right.

1:30:39 Adam And Drew, they did one of those things, by the way, where they did that, they removed the 800 pound guy from his house in like Long Island or something today. You know, where they're coming in with the crane. They gotta use the harness they used at the aquarium to move sea life from like tank to tank.

1:30:59 Drew Oh my God.

1:30:59 Adam And they gotta use the stake bed truck and everything. The worst part is they gotta blow out the front door every time. And I just start thinking a couple of things. Always the news reporters are always like this. They're always telling the same stories. Like, well, he was average weight once upon time, but over the last 15 years, he's, oh yeah, shocking. Of course, he put weight on over a period of time. Here's my thing. When I get to 500 pounds, I move out to the garage. A nice big door, about a 12 foot door. You can back it up, back the steak bed up with dignity and roll me right onto it. No blowing out. You know, I'll tell you the worst part about blowing out the front door. It's not the part where you have to blow out the front door. It's the part where the entire neighborhood has to gather because the truck and the film crews, the flatbeds, and the guy fires up the jaws of life and starts pulling the front door jam off the hinges. And now the entire neighborhood is out on the street. And there also seems to be this rule that guys who get up to 800 pounds, somehow nobody works in that neighborhood. Everyone is just spilled out on the front lawn. They're holding a diet coke and they're watching the festivities.

1:32:07 Drew What is that?

1:32:09 Caller I don't know.

1:32:10 Adam You never see the guy, you never see the truck with the sling on it and the steak bed pull up to some place in Beverly Hills. It's always that same row house in New Jersey where all the roofs are connected. And you can only tell it's a different house because they change roofing every 20 feet. And everyone has to pour out and it turns into a block party.

1:32:34 Caller Hey, look, Jules is being moved again. Hustle out and bring the video camera. This is going to be humiliating.

1:32:44 Adam Poor guys out there. And I don't know what it costs, but I mean, there's a steak bed, there's like forklifts, there's half the fire department. I mean, it literally has to be, you know, a hundred grand just to get the guy to the hospital. But they blow out the front door, you know, there's going to be a piece of plywood on it for the next four years too. And it'll be like, what happened? What happened? Drunk driver lost control.

1:33:12 Caller No, we moved my husband.

1:33:14 Drew Moved him out.

1:33:15 Caller Had to move him out.

1:33:20 Adam Why'd they have to cut a hole in it?

1:33:21 Caller 800 pounds?

1:33:25 Adam This is uncomfortable. We're going to take ourselves a little bit of a break. We'll be right back after this. Well, that's the show. Went by quickly, so it must have been a good show. Yes, Drew?

1:34:07 Drew Must have been.

1:34:08 Adam Drew is over in Detroit, and is gonna be in Chicago, I believe.

1:34:13 Drew No, no, I gotta be in Detroit again tomorrow.

1:34:15 Adam Oh, I thought you were in Chicago doing the upfronts.

1:34:17 Drew No, that was yesterday. I missed that. Dr. Drew in the hizzy.

1:34:22 Adam Are you doing the upfronts?

1:34:23 Drew Yeah.

1:34:25 Caller Tomorrow?

1:34:25 Drew Yep.

1:34:26 Caller Oh, okay.

1:34:27 Adam You're doing the Detroit upfronts. And you never did do the Chicago.

1:34:31 Drew No, I had to go to Kansas State yesterday and so I missed that one.

1:34:34 Adam Huh? Good times.

1:34:36 Drew Yeah.

1:34:36 Adam All right. We'll be back tomorrow night with the Killers in studio. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:45 Caller God darn. Sugar Daddy, Mr. Long Girl, you got it going on.

1:34:53 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005