Episode 1000702604208

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17 Voiceover With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, but it's actually better than Loveline. It's the best of Loveline.

1:25 Drew It has to be. It's not just better, it's the best.

1:28 Adam Let me ask you this. Seriously, people think these best of shows are cop-out, but seriously, what would you rather do? See a crappy movie you've never seen before, which would be Loveline on a regular night, or see a movie you loved for a second time?

1:43 Drew Listen, with this, there's even a chance that you didn't see it, but heard it was great. Now's your chance.

1:50 Adam Wow. Yeah. Wow.

1:51 Drew See?

1:52 Adam We were talking right before we went to break about profiling and how that's turned into a bad thing. I happen to like profiling. I like all forms of profiling.

2:02 Drew That's what medicine is. It's basically profiling.

2:04 That's what science is. That's what science is. It's noticing certain phenomena are connected with other phenomena. I mean, that's science.

2:12 Drew And your brain makes patterns out of them, and you recognize the patterns when you see them.

2:15 Absolutely.

2:16 Adam And it's all really, as an organism, it's one of our oldest instincts, you know what I mean? It's the profiling between the dog that's wagging its tail and looking friendly, and the dog that looks a little dicey and looks like it might take a piece out of your calf, you know what I mean? That's all you do. Now, does that mean this? Like, it's like, look, you see, first off, you know, there's this whole thing like, profiling has turned into sort of a bad word. I want people to profile. The FBI, they have profilers. When a kid gets abducted, they bring in the profiler. They all just don't start running in different directions. Random. Yeah, randomly. Well, it could be, it could be an Asian woman in her 80s. It could be an American Indian man. Could be an infant. Could be another infant that abducted the infant. No, they know it's a white guy. In the neighborhood. And they know he's in the neighborhood. And they know he had some relationship with the child. And they know he's between 34 and 46 years of age. And he has a family and he has a stable job and blah, blah, blah. They know all these things and that's where they begin looking. And the reason they look there is because 90 percent of the time it's true.

3:29 Well, that's why we had 9-11 was because people were opposed to profile.

3:33 Adam Yes, and now the posties over at the ACLU are like suing Logan Airport because there's profile. And here's the part, here's all I want. I'm just tired of, there's always going to be the ACLU posties complaining about everything, wanting to get the cross off the crest, wanting to do all, you know, they don't want death row inmates to submit DNA samples. They're just, they're just lefty posties that are angry at their gay parents. I understand that. But here's the thing. Let's not cave in to the retarded pussy pressure. When they say, we're accusing you, airport security members of profiling, oh no, we weren't profiling, yeah we weren't profiling you. Shut up. Plus, keep your gay ass from blowing up next time it's on the plane, all right? So shut your pie hole and get back to hating your stepdad and we'll ask you to be in the basement. Would you? Let's take that rage and go ahead, you, yeah, why don't you hang out with your PETA buddies and take that rage as meant for your parents and just steer it at your parents and stop steering it at society. Let us do our job. You do your job, you go functue apartments in west LA, we'll take care of the terrorists. Okay, you wusses? Please.

4:47 Caller Well you know what they say, have you seen the little piggies, it's all political piggies, I mean it has to do with who has political power in the society, if people are courting the Arab American vote, they don't want to do profiling, if they're courting the African American vote, they don't want to do profiling, but profiling has real value, I mean it's, I think it's very, very silly not to use profiling, and it's not aimed at insulting any group, it's just aimed at preventing crime.

5:12 Adam Yeah, and by the way, you know, when it comes to, as the aforementioned child abduction, they don't go looking for Arab guys, they go looking for white guys in a certain age range. We earn that right to be profiled, unfortunately, by having almost exclusively white guys in this age range doing the abductions. That's all it is. You go ahead and do the lion's share of whatever kind of crime you're doing, and you get to the top of that crime's profile list. That's the way it works.

5:47 Caller Can I point out something about profiling and ethnicity? This is kind of interesting. At least I think it might not be. I was host of one of the inaugural balls. There were eight inaugural balls, and I was host to one of them.

6:00 Drew You didn't invite us.

6:01 Caller Well, if I'm host next time when Jeb Bush wins, or Mr. Giuliani wins, I will invite you.

6:07 Drew Giuliani?

6:08 Caller Yeah, I think he'll probably be the candidate. Either he or Jeb Bush.

6:11 Drew And you get behind Giuliani?

6:13 Caller I love him.

6:13 Drew I love him.

6:14 Caller I think he's fabulous.

6:15 Drew But anyway, so how about his buddy with the ball?

6:18 Caller Yeah. What's his name? Sirvix or something like that? Kurt, Kurt, Kurchik or something. Right. I forget his name. Anyway, I went to this ball. Very, very lavish thing. Lots and lots of very, very rich people. People so rich that they make Adam and you look poor.

6:36 Adam I mean, we're literally a millionaire, Ben, but not a multi-millionaire.

6:40 Caller These are billionaires. I mean, we were sitting in a part of the room where it's all billionaires.

6:44 Adam Billionaires, like $10 million.

6:47 Caller I was, all right, all right. So at this party, we notice almost no African Americans. Okay, that's fine. If you have to pay tickets, people are allowed to come. Nobody's discriminating against. We go to the party after that, that was called the Red, White and Blue Heroes Ball, which is all servicemen wounded and maimed in Iraq and Afghanistan. There there are a lot of African Americans, a lot of African Americans who fought and lost their legs or lost their eyesight or lost their ability to move. That's the only party I went to at the inauguration that had a lot of African Americans and that sort of broke my heart.

7:24 Adam Yeah, it would be nice if more white guys got wounded. I agree.

7:28 Caller No, no, I mean, it would be nice.

7:29 Adam Oh, you want the black guys at the rich party. I see.

7:32 Caller No, it would be just nicer if there was some. What I find amazing is that black guys, especially ones who are like now in their 70s or 80s, went off to fight in World War II or Korea or Vietnam, when when they came back, they were very badly mistreated. I spend some Saturdays and Sundays over at the VA Hospital in Westwood.

7:54 Adam Really?

7:54 Caller Yes. I go over there and I bring them presents and treats, and I bring pretty girls to meet them and so forth. And there are a lot of black guys there in that Veterans Hospital who came from small towns in Alabama or Georgia or Mississippi and fought in the Army and were wounded in the Army and still are carrying those wounds. And I think to myself, they left the segregated society and went off and fought for this country and lost their lives, lost their mobility, and it's pretty goddamn impressive. It really, really is. I mean, you really tear up when you see them. Yeah.

8:27 Drew And how do you think we would have improved this situation?

8:29 Caller This situation has improved unbelievably.

8:31 Drew It's improving by itself.

8:32 Caller It's improved incredibly. I mean, look, you guys are young. How old are you, Dr. Drew?

8:36 Drew 46.

8:37 Caller Okay. I'm 60. Adam, you, I guess, would be about 39?

8:40 Adam 40.

8:41 Caller You're 40. Okay. Pretty, pretty close. The, the, the, uh, when I was a child growing up in Washington, DC., not Mississippi, not Alabama, Washington, DC.

8:50 Drew Our nation's capital, by the way.

8:51 Caller Capital of the nation, as I like to say. In the Washington Post, big liberal newspaper, classified ads used to say, help wanted colored, help wanted white. Apartments colored, apartments white. Uh, residential neighborhoods, real estate for sale, colored real estate for sale white. That, they would say, they would say in the ads, if a house, if a neighborhood was restricted against Jews, it would say, convenient to churches. That meant Jews don't bother even looking at the house, you can't buy it. That was in Washington, DC when I was growing up. I'm not that old. It wasn't that long ago. I went to high school, to an elementary school and part of my time in junior high school, racially segregated by law. The society has changed completely. Completely. It's a miracle how it's changed.

9:36 Adam And was it tough being a Jew in that environment?

9:39 Caller It was fairly tough. I mean, I lived in a fairly affluent neighborhood and so that part wasn't bad. But there were kids who would call me an effing Jew and we would have fights. And you know something interesting? Something you and it makes me think of you and Jimmy. This was in junior high in particular and I started lifting weights and got very, very strong and they stopped picking on me. I was about the strongest white guy in the class by ninth grade. Really? And they stopped picking on me. A very, very good lesson. But when I was in like eighth grade, I had a project for one of my classes, pick an occupation and write about why you'd like to be in that occupation. So my father was a super smart guy. I said to him, I think I'd like to work in advertising. Could you help me write a little paper about what it's like in Madison Avenue? He said, well, you're not going to work in advertising. The big agencies don't take Jews. Wow. Okay. So that was 1958. Now they're largely Jewish, largely Italian. I said, all right, well, then I said, I love cars. Maybe I could work at General Motors or Ford. My father was friends with the chairman of General Motors. I said, maybe I can work at General Motors. No, General Motors doesn't take Jews. Well, that was not that long ago. I said, all right, how about, I said, I like banks because it's real clean and neat and it's not dirty. There you go. No, no Jews in the banks. Commercial banks didn't take Jews. Wow. Some investment banks, commercial banks didn't take Jews. Okay, that's totally changed. It's all open to everyone now. It's a miracle now.

11:06 Adam Wow.

11:07 Drew Wow.

11:08 Caller It's a whole different world.

11:09 Adam Yes. You can't not be a banker for your Jewish now, Drew.

11:12 Drew No, no, no.

11:13 Caller You know that?

11:13 Drew Yeah, right. I did know that.

11:14 Caller You could do anything now.

11:15 Adam That's the point.

11:16 Caller Anybody can do anything now.

11:17 Adam Yeah, that's my point. And I know, look, things still exist, some obstacles. I'll tell you the biggest obstacle, really though, whatever color your skin is or whatever your religion is, being ugly, bigger obstacle than anything, being fat, bigger obstacle, and being poor.

11:36 Caller Being poor is an incredible obstacle.

11:39 Adam Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

11:40 Caller It sucks to be poor.

11:41 Adam Yes, and just being, and they've done plenty of tests with this, just being flat out unattractive. I mean, I've said this many times. My friends, single ones, that is, and Ben, would date just about any ethnicity as long as it was a beautiful woman. Who they would not date is a fat chick. So you got a fat white chick versus a beautiful Nubian princess. They're going right after the black chick. They're going after the Asian chick. They're going after the Hispanic chick. They're going, whoever, just not the fat white chick.

12:14 Caller But let's now get down to it. Isn't that a form of profiling? Because is it not true that A, it's just basically unattractive to see somebody who's really grossly obese, but two, that there's something very often wrong with people in the head who are grossly obese. It's not just that they're grossly obese and that's not particularly attractive, but they don't tend to be quite right in the head. Right.

12:37 Drew Well, there is people that are trauma survivors sometimes literally push people away by filling a large space and keeping people at a distance.

12:46 Caller I think that's a very good point.

12:47 Drew And there is a-

12:49 Caller I better put away my piece of pizza now.

12:50 Drew And there are genetic, there are genetic heritages. I mean, really what men are attracted to is health. That's symmetry and the skin coloration and hair. That's all about being attracted to those, collecting those genes. And so somebody who may have a genetic problem with weight would be less attractive to many men.

13:08 Caller Well, the symmetry part, I think, is amazing. I mean, if you see a woman who has regular, perfect symmetrical features, it is such an incredible turn on. I mean, I offer, because you showed me the picture of your wife before we went on the air. I've seen Adam's incredibly beautiful wife a number of times. My wife has perfectly symmetrical features. I mean, men love women with symmetrical features. There has to be something primal in the human brain saying they're going to give us better children.

13:36 Drew Of course. That's what we're looking for. We're looking for fertility and genes.

13:39 Adam Yeah. I'm just looking for a better BJ.

13:42 Drew I know.

13:43 Adam I don't want to reinvent the wheel.

13:45 Drew Yeah. You're just going back to basics.

13:46 Adam Gabby?

13:47 Caller Wait, guys, I hate to interrupt here.

13:49 Adam Yes.

13:49 Caller But apparently we still have large problems with housing discrimination according to our PSA that we play right now.

13:55 Adam Oh, yeah. This is our favorite PSA. Ben, you didn't think the housing discrimination still went on that goes on out there, but listen to this public service announcement they play on this show regularly. Play it, Anderson.

14:10 Hello, may I help you?

14:11 Best Of Hello, can I ask you a few questions about the apartment you have on Park Street? What was your name?

14:15 My name is Juan Hernandez.

14:17 Best Of It's been rented.

14:17 Oh, it's gone?

14:18 Adam Sounded Indian at the beginning.

14:20 Best Of Hello, my name is Sanjay Kumar.

14:21 Caller I'm calling about the apartment on Park Street.

14:24 Best Of It's not available.

14:25 Drew It's not available, but I just saw it in the paper.

14:27 Adam Every day.

14:28 May I help you?

14:29 Best Of Hi, my name is Tyrone Washington. I'm calling about the place to rent on Park Street.

14:34 No longer available.

14:35 Best Of It's not available now. Nope, sorry. Here comes the man.

14:39 Hello?

14:39 Best Of Yes, hello. My name is Graham Wellington. I'm calling about the apartment on Park Street.

14:44 Is that still available?

14:45 Best Of Yes, it is.

14:46 Caller It is?

14:47 Best Of Yes.

14:47 Caller Oh, really?

14:48 Best Of I'd love to make an appointment.

14:49 Drew Housing discrimination is illegal.

14:51 Adam Yeah, it's illegal. Anyone who lives in Los Angeles knows Mexicans can't get a apartment.

14:57 Caller That's hilarious. I live in one of the, well, I mean, I'm sure it's very modest compared to your house, but I live in one of the very nicest parts of Beverly Hills. There's every kind of ethnicity imaginable in my neighborhood.

15:10 Adam Imagine a Mexican or black guy or an Indian trying to live an apartment here in Los Angeles.

15:14 Impossible.

15:16 Drew No way.

15:16 Adam They're forced to live in large manors.

15:20 Drew In the street.

15:20 Adam In the street, I mean. Yes.

15:22 Drew Or in the woods.

15:23 Adam Can't be done.

15:24 Caller I have a house out in Malibu. I mean, it's like a rainbow out there on my street. It's every every kind of color you can imagine.

15:30 Drew The point is that they're trying to rent a space. They're going to rent it to anybody as long as they're not going to destroy it. That's a luck.

15:36 Adam Here's the bottom line. There's a lot of people get a lot of mileage out of basically cultivating this racism thing, which exists, but not to the point that they'd like to make it seem.

15:49 Caller It's a business for them.

15:50 Adam It's a business for them. Then they go ahead, I believe, and run this kind of crap, which just pisses off all the people that are depicted in it and makes them falsely think that we're living in a more racist environment than we actually are.

16:05 Caller I love your saying that because this was my main gripe against Al Gore in 2000, is when he was running, he was whipping up minorities and telling them they were being discriminated against. And when people would say to him, well, give us some concrete specific examples, he would say, oh, it's just in the air. It's so deeply ingrained. You don't need examples. It's just all over. It's in it's in the psyche of the white man. And if you can't see it and can't smell it and touch it, it's not there. It's just not happening. And compare whatever is there compared to what was there a generation or two generations ago is nil.

16:40 Adam And furthermore, hold on, you know, when Kerry gave his concession speech, he did that BS. But don't worry. By the way, I always like this part where you make your concession speech, you just got whooped and your speeches. Don't worry. I'm still on the job. It's like, look, buddy, you lost the game's over. How about hitting the showers and getting out of our face because we're tired of looking at your pie hole. And it's like, don't worry, I'm still on the job. What job, by the way, don't have it. You're out. Senator. Senator. But the point is, it's like as if he's running the country. And he's like, anywhere, there's a farmer that needs help anywhere. And then he does this whole thing. There's a mother who can't get welfare for anywhere. There's a person of color that wonders why they're being treated differently. It's like, really? You got to shake that whole racist snow globe up again, you old F. There's it's not going on. Yeah, it exists. It exists again, again, fat people, poor people, ugly people, short people. There's a form of sort of ism for just about everything. Let's face it, but go out, work hard, make some money, don't screw over anyone, and you'll be fine in the society we have built, by the way. Why do we have to keep whipping that horse?

17:53 Caller Because there's votes in it, and there's votes in stimulating people's paranoia. There are a lot of people who cannot take responsibility for their own failures in life and would like to blame somebody else for it or blame racism for it. I mean, you know, I am the father of a very, very sweet teenage child, and I hear him and his teenage friends talking all the time. It's very easy for them to place blame for things on their parents, place blame for things on the schools. It's not easy for them to accept blame for themselves. That is a, that's a teenager, and that's fine. I mean, he's a wonderful kid, and I love him. But for an adult, the age of Carrie to be doing that is ridiculous.

18:30 Drew The other thing I think, the generations coming up, your kids, your child's age, and my kid's age.

18:34 Caller But your kids are quite a bit younger, I think, than mine.

18:36 Drew They're 12, 13, yeah. But the idea of race, it's almost going away for them. They, well, no, seriously, no, no, no, listen.

18:45 Caller I'm not sure about that.

18:45 Drew But listen, they describe, they don't say this is a that kind of person. They say, well, his skin's, he got kind of brown skin, and he's got kind of curly hair, no, no, Ben.

18:54 Caller I don't think so.

18:56 Drew That's the way my kids and their friends look.

18:57 Caller Your kids are a little different.

18:58 Adam Let them spend a weekend with Uncle Adam. I'll straighten them out.

19:01 Caller Yeah, let them spend a weekend with Tommy Stein and his friends because they really, they notice people's ethnicity very, very easily.

19:08 Adam I do flashcards. I do flashcards with my nephews. That too. I'll give them a quick Mexican flash, black guy. I'll just keep flashing.

19:15 Caller But Tommy doesn't discriminate against them. I mean, he has friends of every ethnicity, but believe me, he notices their ethnicity. He especially notices people from Middle Eastern ethnicity and has very strong feelings about them. Profiling.

19:28 Drew Is that this growing up in this world climate kind of thing?

19:30 Caller No, it's growing up in Beverly Hills. All right.

19:34 Adam Well, there you go. Let me just say one more thing before we get off this topic or whatever calls we might take tonight. The whole part where we have to sort of pay the price or make amends for what our forefathers did in terms of plantations and slaves and whatever. Japanese internment camps and all this kind of stuff. By the way, rounding up the Japanese, putting them somewhere for a couple of years and then letting them go. Not a great thing. Go on the Baton Death March. See which one you'd rather do.

20:06 Caller Or the Rape of Nen King.

20:07 Adam Yeah, there's another good one. The point is, I have two nephews, both born German. I mean, they're fathers from Germany. Should they be held responsible for what went on in World War II?

20:25 Drew Those kids, oh, absolutely.

20:26 Adam Yeah, that's my point.

20:28 Drew Your nephew?

20:30 Adam My wife, both her parents were born in Italy. My family, one or two generations back, were born in Italy. We weren't here. We had no plantations, we had no slaves, we had no land. For Christ's sake, my dad doesn't even have any land. I'm the first guy who has any goddamned land in the Corolla family.

20:48 Drew In this country, yeah.

20:49 Adam Yes, and my wife's parents are from Italy. They're born in Italy. You know, our kid will not have much history on this soil. Just like my nephews. They're German, their fathers are from Germany. Should I blame them for what they did to the Jews?

21:03 Drew We've established that, yes.

21:04 Adam Yeah, I know. Let's just look. We weren't here. Most everyone, look around. Look around Los Angeles. These people weren't here. You know what I mean?

21:13 Caller They could be. But even if their ancestors were there, I mean, it's really just not, there's no sense in blaming a great-great-grandchild or great-great-granddaughter for something done by her ancestors, especially if it was perfectly legal at the time. I mean, slavery was a moral horror show, a horror show, but it was legal. So. Yeah.

21:35 Adam Now look, there's no sense in doing it, but I'm just saying good luck finding, go ask around, see if you can find one of your buddies who's great, great, great, whoever, raised tobacco in Kentucky. It's going to have.

21:46 Caller Well, my wife.

21:47 Adam You can do it.

21:48 Caller My wife.

21:48 Adam I can't do it all. Drew's family are all Pollocks. What's, you don't even know where they were.

21:53 Drew Russians.

21:54 Caller But my wife's family, you could do it.

21:55 Adam All right. Well, they're good. She should take, she should, she should take a good racial beating then. Leave me alone. Gabby?

22:04 Yeah.

22:05 Adam You're 16?

22:06 Caller Yeah.

22:06 Adam What's up?

22:08 Caller I was, actually I have two questions. One was, I was wondering how Ben Stine got started on the whole acting thing from speech writing. And also, I'll get to the other one later.

22:21 Caller Okay. The first answer is, I came out here. I was a screenwriter and a novelist and a producer for a while. And I met a very wonderful man named Michael Chinich, who was a high executive in the casting world. He was a deputy head of production for Universal. He was my friend. He thought I was funny. He put me in a movie called The Wildlife, which was a sequel to Fast Times Ridgemont High. I had a small part, nobody noticed it. Then they put, then he went to work for John Hughes and John Hughes and he put me in Ferris Bueller. I ad-libbed those scenes in Ferris Bueller. They were a huge hit and a very successful movie. And I worked consistently after that.

22:57 Adam So it was really a Ferris Bueller long, Right.

22:59 Caller And it was, and it was all ad-libbed. It was not one word of it was written.

23:03 Adam What, what did they want you to do?

23:05 Caller They wanted me to play a teacher. John, you said, I know you're a teacher at Pepperdine in real life. And would you just teach a class about something that's interesting to you? And he was smart enough to know that even it was my monotone voice, that even if I, it was interesting to me, it would come out sounding boring. So that I taught, did that little speech about the supply side economics and voodoo economics. And I, and when they, when the cast and crew applauded, when I was done, I thought, oh, cause they're so happy to have learned something about economics. And when my father saw it, he was a famous economist, he said, oh my God, you really explained that well. That must be why people like the scene. But anyway, so then I worked on The Wonder Years for three years and then we had the game show and then I concurrently had the talk show and then Star Search. And now I hardly do any acting, but I do a huge amount of public speaking and I love doing it.

23:56 Adam All right. Good question.

23:58 Caller I had a second question.

23:59 Adam Yeah, but she couldn't come up with it. Gabby, did you come up with your second question? Ironic if someone named Gabby couldn't come up with their second question.

24:06 Caller Go ahead. It was actually for you. Back in the day when you would come on as a guest speaker, as Mr. Burcham on Kevin and Bean, you came on one day and you were talking about like all the world religions and you decided to come up with your own called Burchamism.

24:26 Adam I did.

24:27 Caller I was wondering if you remember any of that.

24:31 Adam But thanks.

24:32 Drew Ask him if he remembers anything he said 25 minutes ago.

24:34 Adam No, I don't remember. I don't remember anything I say.

24:37 Caller And I just wanted to mention to Ben Stine that Ferris Bueller's Day Off is my favorite movie of all time, so you rule. You are a god in my mind.

24:45 Caller Well, God bless you. God bless you. Where do you live, Gabby?

24:48 Caller I live in Berkeley, but I used to live in North Hollywood, Van Nuys area.

24:52 Drew Oh, God, I drove through that today. Oh, Adam, I felt so bad for you. Yeah, well, all the Dell Lancashire from Sunland should sue my parents.

25:00 Adam All right, we need to take a break, Gabby. The great Ben Stein, the inspirational Ben Stein in studio tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

25:10 Drew Hello, what is it?

25:22 Adam Yeah, it is the best of Loveline. I'm Adam. That is Dr. Drew. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, no, I actually like these guys. I thought there were somebody else, but I got it now.

25:35 Drew You like Maggie.

25:36 Adam Lost is one of the biggest shows on television. Great looking show too, but a fantastic show. Maggie Grace is the smoking hot blonde who's plays the sister.

25:48 Drew This is the brother Ian Summerholder.

25:49 Adam Of Ian Summerholder who's on the show and they're both on tonight. And I wonder if something's going on between these two.

25:54 Drew Oh, it kind of seemed that way, didn't it?

25:56 Adam Yes.

25:56 Drew A little bit, a little vibe.

25:57 Adam A little taboo love going on with these two. So everyone enjoy from Lost Ian Summerholder and Maggie Grace. Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. Well, that would be Dr. Drew, but he's helping out a listener. Ian Summerholder here tonight, Maggie Grace, both from Lost, Wednesday Nights, ABC. 8 p.m. Best new show on television. And no signs of slowing down. I don't know how far in advance you guys know. Do you what? I know you couldn't talk about it if you did know. But how much do they tell you about plot and not so much? That sort of thing.

26:39 We have enough to go on, but not not so much that would overburden our performances in anyway.

26:43 Adam Do you have some local playa with booze and have you spill it all over the place? You know what I'm saying? I mean, if you knew, you could talk, right?

26:55 Caller They know that we're actors and by virtue of that, we would be compelled to tell people like you.

27:02 Well, they tell me things, just not Ian.

27:04 Adam Right. That's what I feel.

27:05 I mean, they're smart guys.

27:06 Caller You know what's really kind of interesting? I remember on the pilot and they do this sometimes as well. If Maggie needed to know, say A and B, but I didn't, but I needed to know K and F. They would tell us this, these two separate things.

27:18 Really? I knew things about his character that he didn't know.

27:20 Caller Right. And I know things about her that she still doesn't know.

27:23 Adam Interesting.

27:23 But I actually figured them all out on my own.

27:26 Adam But is... I'm pretty sure of it. Do you think they know? How far in advance do you think the writer producers know?

27:33 When they wrote the pilot, they had it brainstormed through, I think, season six.

27:37 Caller Oh, really?

27:37 Obviously, just broad kind of story arcs.

27:41 Caller Kind of broad strokes. I think all the little details sort of fall into place.

27:45 Adam Right. Yeah. Obviously, they don't know every nuance, every twist, every turn. But in terms of the broad strokes and the big picture, they know. Sometimes I wonder, with a lot of shows, if they don't know what... Like, everyone's sitting around going, I wonder what's on the island. I wonder what it is. I wonder what's going on. And I sometimes think, well, maybe they don't know yet.

28:04 Caller Well, you know, we definitely don't know that much. And we're only a couple... We're about four episodes ahead of what's airing. Which is, I guess, a significant amount, but you want more. For every resolve, there are five more questions, and that sort of makes it crazy.

28:19 Adam So how many more do you have to do before... Are you still in season one? Because I'm getting the seasons broken up now.

28:27 Caller We shoot through April.

28:28 Beginning of April.

28:29 Caller Oh, really?

28:30 Adam And how many episodes will that be in total? Wow, that is a lot.

28:33 Big two-hour finale.

28:34 Caller Is she okay, Drew? Dr. Drew.

28:36 Adam Everything cool, buddy?

28:37 Drew It is cool.

28:38 Adam Take care of business? Let me smell your finger. That's disgusting, Drew. I can't believe you would hold it out to me. Come on, let's try to help the kids. Lily?

28:48 Yeah?

28:49 Adam You're 17?

28:51 First, I'd like to say, Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew, I love you guys. You guys are like superheroes. Thank you.

28:58 Adam Thank you. You know, we raised $7,500 for the Sumatra relief stuff.

29:03 Drew Now, the superhero and the salvage diving, I keep going back to the Soviet sub cartoon.

29:09 Adam Oh, yeah. I haven't figured any of this stuff out yet. Drew, don't confuse everyone. Lily?

29:14 Yeah?

29:15 Adam Sorry. Thanks for the compliment. Now, go ahead.

29:17 Okay. Well, I'm 17. I'm not a lesbian or anything, but for some reason, I'm like attracted to gay guys and like cross dressers. Because I live out in the Bay Area, and there's like tons of them, right?

29:28 Drew You're a lesbian.

29:29 True place. For some reason, like their personalities, everything about them, like I'm attracted to them. I don't know. For some reason, I'm attracted to them, and it's really confusing.

29:39 Drew Gay males? Yeah. Well, gay males are a superior version of the male, would you say, generally? Yeah.

29:45 Adam The only part they're missing is the part where they're attracted to your genitalia. They vomit if they see you naked, but other than that, it's great. Good listeners into what you're into, lots of recycling. Those people recycle, you know? What utopia we would be living in if everyone was gay? No street crime, nothing but recycling, manicured lawns. You ever see that gay? You see the stretch of Boys Town on Santa Monica Boulevard there?

30:11 That's so nice. It's beautiful.

30:12 Adam They're this close to carpeting the place. It's like, there's nothing. I swear to God, you throw a piece of gum on the ground, you're tackled by the gay patrol. Drew, you ever been tackled by the gay patrol? No, it's not good.

30:24 I'm parking tickets.

30:26 Adam Here's what basically happened is Santa Monica runs from like East LA to the ocean, essentially, and there's one nice strip of it, and that's the gay park. There's three blocks of just pristine, I mean, the thing looks like some sort of five star resort. They're going to open like a driving range and a golf course.

30:46 Caller And what's so excruciating painful is that all the guys are as beautiful as the landscape.

30:51 I mean, they're all beautiful.

30:52 Adam All they do is exfoliate. That's all they do. Gay guys shine. They shine. They just, they loofah, they scrub themselves down the bone.

31:00 Drew I think Grace can relate to Lily's question a little bit, though, here.

31:03 Adam Yeah. No, yeah. I mean, it must be frustrating.

31:07 Caller I do live in Los Angeles, and yes, I mean a lot of very attractive. Sorry, correction.

31:11 Adam Yeah, now you're in Hawaii. But when you are back home in Los Angeles, you see that beautiful man, shaved, tanned, six-pack abs.

31:20 Caller The grooming is stunning. And also, you know, you might find they're sometimes more sensitive to your needs.

31:25 Well-read.

31:26 Caller Very well-read.

31:27 Adam Well-read, great sense of humor.

31:28 Caller But occasionally, you run into a guy you may think has every appearance of being gay and isn't, in fact, straight.

31:35 Adam Really?

31:36 Caller No. Yeah. Really? It can happen. So maybe, maybe you'll meet one of those.

31:39 Adam Yeah, but then he turns out to be gay. And then it gets weird because he had sex with him. And it's like, oh, my God. You see what I'm saying?

31:46 Caller Yeah.

31:47 Drew You're freaking, freaking me out now.

31:48 Adam All right. Maybe this is happening. But this is an interesting point, which is as guys, we like lesbians, lipstick lesbians, but they don't really exist just in porn where they get two straight chicks, get them high and tell them to go at each other for 500 bucks. They're not truly lesbians. They're true lesbians. They're the chicks who work at the feed store, they work at the kennel, they work around animals.

32:10 Caller And they don't give you the time of day.

32:11 Adam Yeah. Well, they're angry. They don't like you, but they're butch and they're stocky and they got that buzz cut and they're into black powder rifles and stuff like that and you don't need them. So it's not torture because you go, well, look at the hefty chick in the dungarees wearing the burlap shirt with the butch cut and no makeup. I don't need, I don't need any of that. That's not a waste, but you women, you see the guy who's 6'2, looking like Lucky Vanos, the scrub, winking, winking, with his cheeks are winking at you and he's recycling with his shirt off and you're like, no, I don't like recycling. Oh my God, this guy's, oh, he's got a puppy. Look at the puppy. They do, you know what they do? They're effing with women. Think about a guy, here's all I do. All I do is sit ups and walk a puppy down a pristine street. That's it with my shirt off and exfoliate. And I like read Oscar Wilde. I want nothing to do with you, honey. Think about it.

33:08 Drew It's like you're effing with women, like you're tantalizing them.

33:11 Adam You're screwing with them, right?

33:12 Drew Yeah.

33:13 Adam Right.

33:13 Drew Yeah.

33:13 Adam All right. And you got time and you're crying and you want you want a little two seater and a smart cocktail. You know, you're taking a me day every couple of days, just going to the beach and reading some more. Right.

33:27 Caller And there's that forbidden fruit appeal.

33:28 Adam Oh, my God. You could just turn him out. Just turn him around.

33:33 Drew That's the plan.

33:35 Caller Women do love to change men. There's a big challenge.

33:38 Adam And then here's the real tantalizing part. You're super hot. There's all these slobs that are going after you all the time. And this guy wants nothing to do with you. It's like he finds you grotesque.

33:49 Drew That's uninteresting.

33:50 Not interesting.

33:52 Adam No, he'll vomit if you touch him.

33:54 Drew Touch him.

33:54 Adam He'll vomit.

33:56 Caller My gay male friends are very physically.

33:58 Adam They don't say anything. But if you ever touch them in a sexual way, they would just project self on it.

34:03 Caller I don't know any guys not attracted to Maggie.

34:05 Adam They're gay guys.

34:06 Caller Even the gay guys.

34:08 Adam They're nice. They're like, all right.

34:12 Drew They appreciate, but not attracted.

34:14 Caller They're good at taking care of me and going shopping.

34:18 Adam Yeah. But I mean, man, just talk about the project that would be the ultimate project.

34:24 Caller Isn't there someone on the phone that...

34:26 Drew Yeah, that's what I'm saying again. Lily? Lily, here's the only thing I've noticed on the side what we've been discussing, which is that gay men can be just very...

34:34 Caller My mom has the same problem.

34:36 Drew All right, hold on. Listen, Lily, aside from the fact that gay men are just appealing in many, many ways, the one thing that I have noticed, the only pattern I have seen with women that hang around with people that are transsexual or gay, and this may or may not be you, it's not been a strong pattern I've seen, but occasionally they are raised with the idea that they should have been the other sex. The dad's always going, I wish you had been a little boy, I wish you had been a little boy.

35:00 Adam Interesting.

35:00 Drew Did you get anything like that when you were growing up?

35:02 Caller No, my mom was always happy I was a girl.

35:05 Drew Where was your dad?

35:07 Caller My dad was in Mexico. I never knew him.

35:10 Adam And you say you're second generation fag hag?

35:16 Caller No, it's just my mom was like, my mom's attracted to like gay people too and like transgender and stuff. Alright, alright.

35:24 Adam The dad knows maybe grandma was too.

35:27 Caller Way back in the day.

35:29 Caller But it's just weird because I am too and it's like.

35:32 Adam Alright, well you know what this means.

35:34 Drew What happened to your dad by the way? What happened to your dad?

35:37 Caller My dad, he left, or my mom left him when I was a baby. Why? I guess because my mom was, or my dad was abusive towards my mom.

35:46 Adam Anything that ends up in Mexico is always bad. Canada is a push. South of France means he started his own successful winery or something. That's alright, but if it ends in Mexico, that's a bad sign. Don't delve, Drew. Got it. Lily? Yeah? Here's what it means to me. It means you can't handle intimacy because any guy you're interested in doesn't really have the mathematical chance of being interested in you that way. It's a way of saving yourself. Your dad left, your dad broke your heart, your dad was a horrible guy. You're scared to get close and intimate with a guy, so you just go after guys that are either gay or they're other, you know, you're the close cousin of the one who goes after guys that are in prison. You can't handle an intimate relationship.

36:31 Drew It makes sure that you're not going to be involved with these guys.

36:33 Adam Yeah. And they're guys who just date strippers. It's sort of the same thing, although their logic I understand. Lily?

36:41 Best Of Yeah.

36:42 Adam So you gotta look into this. And don't just make the announcement, I like gays.

36:47 Drew No, by the way, you may look into it, she may be just one relationship away from this going away.

36:51 Adam Yeah, maybe.

36:52 Drew She was 17.

36:52 Adam You just need a good, you need the right guy.

36:55 Caller So like, how would I go about doing, like looking for the right guy?

36:59 Drew Just being open to the possibility of a relationship, that's all you gotta be. You gotta be willing to be close to somebody who's not unable to be close to you.

37:08 Adam And don't stand around with your arms folded. It means you're not available. In gay bars. In gay bars, yeah. Don't do that. Just go places where there's straight guys who like you and try not to be angry.

37:19 Caller Okay.

37:19 Adam Are you gothy? You're dressing black?

37:22 Caller No, I'm not a goth. I dress weird, but it's kind of normal.

37:26 Adam Well, don't dress weird. You're freaking everyone out.

37:28 Caller Oh, weird can be good.

37:29 Adam Yeah. It's good on you. It's not good on Lily. Lily, get some regular nail polish. You're wearing black stuff or is there like a...

37:36 Caller Green.

37:37 Adam Unicorns painted on there or anything ridiculous?

37:40 Caller I don't know. I just like the regular girls out in the Bay Area.

37:43 Adam Okay. All right. Well, good. Now hang out with some regular guys and you'll be fine.

37:47 Caller Okay. You guys are my hero and you guys rock and I love you guys to death.

37:52 Adam Thanks, Lily. Bye, Lily. Call us back when you get that new boyfriend.

37:55 Caller Okay. Adam Corolla, are you single?

37:58 Drew No.

37:59 Caller No?

37:59 Drew Well, you have that list for 18-year-olds. She's coming up on 18.

38:03 Adam I did say that I would and I agreed when my wife agreed with this, that if you were a virgin until you're 18, I could turn you out. Are you a virgin, Lily?

38:15 Caller Yeah.

38:16 Adam When's your 18th birthday?

38:18 Caller November 15th.

38:20 Drew You have a date open then?

38:21 Adam I'll put you on the list.

38:22 Drew Okay. Yeah.

38:22 Caller I'll be on the list?

38:23 Drew Yeah.

38:24 Adam I'll put you on the list. I can't guarantee I can get you on your birthday.

38:28 Caller Okay. Then everything's cool. I love you. You guys rock.

38:31 Adam Okay. I'll see you probably the 19th or 20th.

38:34 Caller Then it's a date.

38:36 Adam All right. Make your moms out of house and chill some champagne.

38:41 Caller All right.

38:42 Drew Hey, it's 18 at 21.

38:44 Adam Oh, but no, for me.

38:44 Drew That's for you. Oh, yeah. You're Madison again.

38:46 Adam You're Madison. Well, I like to take the edge off. So, you know, obviously I've been traveling.

38:51 Caller Teaching about safe sex and how to drink responsibly all in one swoop.

38:54 Adam That's right. That's right.

38:56 Caller Admirable pursuit.

38:57 Adam Thank you. Thank you.

38:58 Drew I love, you remind me of something.

38:59 Adam Maggie, what's your birthday, by the way?

39:01 Caller September 21st.

39:02 Adam Okay. That I can make, actually, the same day. Yes, Drew?

39:07 Drew And how parents always talk, just reminded me how they talk about, well, we're gonna teach our kids how to drink responsibly. I think like, is there any of your illegal acts you want to teach your kids how to do responsibly?

39:15 Adam Oh, they got it.

39:16 Drew It's illegal. It's illegal. Wherever they do it, it's illegal. Okay, some other illegal acts we'd like to, you want to give them some responsible illegal measures. Speeding, pot, anything else?

39:25 Adam Yeah, they're cooking up a H. You don't want to get air in the syringe or anything, call it an embolism, right?

39:31 Drew You gotta teach it responsibly.

39:32 Adam Yeah, hit it with the gauze. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. Drew, don't freak your kids out, by the way. You're gonna give them an eating disorder. You know what I mean?

39:41 What?

39:42 Adam The booze and the studying and everything. So let them be kids, you know what I mean? They're gonna have like a Mickey's Big Mouth at the park when they're 15 or 16. Come on, let them be kids.

39:54 Drew I'm so intense already, they pick up on that. I'm busy telling them to calm down. Oh, you are?

39:59 Adam Yeah, but you're gonna freak on them. What if you find a roach? What if you find a joint roach in like one of the map sacks at 15, 16?

40:09 Caller Show them how to inhale responsibly.

40:11 Adam What do you do with that?

40:13 Drew Here's the thing, I immediately get help.

40:15 Adam You would get help?

40:16 Drew Immediately.

40:16 Adam You would get help?

40:17 Drew I get assistance. But then I think to myself, huh, what if that's the right thing to do or just start setting limits and boundaries everywhere, and help.

40:23 Adam Do you think it would freak them out if you got help? Why don't you help them? That's what you do.

40:27 Drew Because I'm the dad.

40:28 Caller Oh, it's way too close to the future.

40:30 Drew Too close?

40:30 Adam Yeah.

40:30 Caller I'll help them. Yeah. Can you imagine if your dad was a therapist?

40:34 Adam My dad's a therapist, actually.

40:37 Caller Look what will happen.

40:38 Drew Say no more. Say no more.

40:39 Caller Well, wouldn't you resent him for approaching upon?

40:43 Adam We don't talk. No, it would be weird. It's weird. I agree. But on the other hand, it's weird having some fat bald guy come in with a ponytail and start talking big calves and sandals, start talking about sobriety. Don't hire that low-hard sober guy. December 26, 1971, took my first sip of single malt scotch. I didn't care what it took at that point, beautiful family, loving kids.

41:07 Caller I give it all away.

41:09 Adam It all went up my nose. There's nothing more important to me than the truck. April 15, 1984, that's when the house caught on fire. Fell asleep with a tiparilla.

41:20 Caller Been coming to meetings for 20 years, been sober for two hours.

41:23 Adam Two years. But you know what? Tomorrow, tonight, later on tonight, I could go off at any time. I like that one. He's like, I've been sober for 126 years, but tomorrow, no guarantees. I got a pretty good feeling. You can't lift your arm anymore. I don't think you're going to be drinking.

41:40 Drew On the other hand, I've seen some.

41:41 Adam Really? What is it about sober guys that turns them into blowhards?

41:47 Drew Those usually aren't very sober guys.

41:49 Adam Oh really?

41:49 Drew Yeah.

41:50 Adam Not? They're not sober guys?

41:51 Drew The blowhard narcissist convincing everyone of their sobriety. Not usually that sober. I can promise you this.

41:58 Adam I like that.

41:59 Drew All that massaging their sobriety may help keep them sober, but that's not true sobriety.

42:03 Adam I like when they do this one. It'd be easy for me to come up here and lie to you, but I'm not going to do it. Really? Could you please lie or just leave? Or how about you lie and leave? Leave and lie. All the way out to the parking lot. Just telling fables. Please go. You know the guy I like? I was thinking about today? The blowhard traffic school instructor. When you get in a car accident, there's two collisions. First one is car with the other car. The second collision. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's your head hitting the street.

42:33 Yeah, yeah.

42:33 Adam Right. Two collisions.

42:34 Got it.

42:35 Adam You know the person that said the same goddamn story a million times? You just want to stop them in the middle and just do it. You want to hit them with a dart-dipping curare in their neck and just have them fall over. Yeah.

42:47 Caller Drew, you do that.

42:49 Adam People, you could drive without seat belts and you might make it to the store tomorrow, but I promise you that it will fall over. Ian Summerholder is here tonight along with Maggie Grace from Lost 8PM ABC, Wednesday Nights. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

43:09 Hello, this is your radio.

43:12 Loveline will be ready.

43:32 Adam Hey, hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, fun number 1-800-W-N-N. All right, now, when we left off, we were going to speak with Theo. Now, Mira called up, wanted to know about taking the birth control. Drew's been on the internet.

43:44 Drew It's looking good, but I want to confirm it before I give her the definite go-ahead.

43:47 Adam So, Mira's going to stand hold. We'll talk to Theo, who is the author and artist behind the fabulous-

43:55 Drew Composer, please.

43:56 Adam Germany, sorry.

43:57 Drew Author. I don't know. How dare you?

43:58 Adam Well, you wrote the words down. Germany or Florida theme. Sing it live for us. I really do enjoy the original theme.

44:06 Caller I will do that.

44:07 Best Of Things are sick and twisted from too much sun and Nazis. Sex, meth and death fetishes.

44:12 Caller Both of them have got these. Guaranteed not the Borya, Germany or Florida.

44:16 Adam Solid.

44:17 Drew He sings that with a smile.

44:18 Adam Yeah.

44:19 Drew Definitely smiling when he sings that.

44:21 Adam Now, you say you have a new theme.

44:22 Caller Well, see, I didn't hear my old theme for like the last two nights.

44:25 Caller I was like, oh, they must have really gotten tired of it at this point, so I have to come up with another one.

44:29 Drew Sorry, Theo, sorry.

44:31 Adam La-dee-dah. Temporamental artist. All right, Theo, well, let's hear the new one. We'll see.

44:37 Caller I'm hoping it does get us last.

44:39 Drew Now we know we can bait Theo for new material. Whatever we just withhold his songs for a couple days, he'll show up with some new stuff.

44:45 Best Of You know, y'all can take my number whenever you're having a lull night or whatever. Just give me a call. I'm awake and I'm here. I never know, man.

44:51 Drew Where in Virginia are you calling from?

44:53 Best Of I'm in Richmond.

44:54 Drew Richmond.

44:55 Adam All right, let's hear the new theme. You know what?

44:57 Caller His phone is so horrible, though. I don't know if I'll ever use this to you. You have another here.

45:03 Drew We're going to review it anyway. Hold on one second.

45:04 Caller Here we go.

45:05 Drew Oh, Anderson. I don't want to hear the disgust talking to himself about this.

45:14 Adam All right.

45:15 Drew Yeah, that's better.

45:17 Caller It's not better at all. But OK, go ahead.

45:18 Adam It's marginally better. Go ahead.

45:20 Drew Clear.

45:21 Best Of Floridians are crazy.

45:23 Caller It seems Germans are, too.

45:24 Best Of When it comes to FWBS, there's nothing they won't do. So ask away. It's time to play. Don't say I didn't warn you. It's Adam Corolla's favorite game. Germany or Florida.

45:33 Drew I like the words. I didn't get the tune. I didn't hear the tune.

45:36 Adam It didn't sink in until about the one third.

45:39 Drew What is the tune?

45:40 Caller I don't really have one.

45:41 Adam I just kind of want to try one more time. And this time, I want you to have fun with it.

45:47 Caller All right.

45:47 Drew But think of an actual song that you're sinking it up to.

45:50 Adam Got it. Go ahead.

45:51 Best Of All right. Floridians are crazy. It seems Germans are too.

45:55 Caller When it comes to FBS, there's nothing they won't do. So ask away.

45:59 Best Of It's time to play. Don't say I didn't mourn ya. It's Adam Corolla's favorite game. Germany or Florida.

46:05 Adam All right.

46:06 Drew Who are the old fractured flickers?

46:08 Adam Now hang on there, Theo.

46:09 Drew I realize. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da. It sounds like it should. You should sync it up to that.

46:14 Adam The lyrics are strong in number two. Very strong.

46:16 Drew Very strong.

46:17 Adam The first one, and maybe we're just used to it.

46:19 Drew No, I would like him to work on the second one. The lyrics are great. Sync it up to a song. Okay. And I would, what? To this one?

46:30 Adam It's close. It could work.

46:32 Drew It's up to Theo, but I really think that Fractured Flickers, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, he's not gonna find that one.

46:39 Adam No one knows what you're talking about. All right.

46:42 Drew This one?

46:42 Adam Let's, yeah, that's my theme. Patricia, how dare you?

46:48 Hello?

46:49 Adam You're 19.

46:50 Caller I am 19.

46:51 Hold on.

46:51 Caller My friend's in the other room and she wants to hear too.

46:53 Caller Can I go tell her?

46:54 Adam Yeah, but now we're running up against the break here.

46:57 Drew Well, hang on. After you go to commercials, then you're in.

47:01 Adam All right.

47:01 Drew Let's just go to commercials. Let's go and talk to her.

47:04 Adam Lesbo girlfriend gets very wet during orgasm. Jennifer?

47:10 Yes.

47:11 Adam You're 27?

47:12 Caller Yes, I am.

47:13 Adam You have a lesbian girlfriend?

47:15 Caller Yes, I do.

47:16 Adam And you're both smoking hot?

47:19 Caller Well, I guess that's a matter of opinion, but we have hot sex, so is that good enough?

47:24 Adam Hold on a second. Now they're bad. Now they're very unattractive. But that's all right. Hold on. We're going to talk to Jennifer about her lesbian relationship, and then we'll get back with Patricia. She's got a 17-year-old virgin boyfriend who won't have sex with her. She's 19. That's a twist. We'll be right back after this. It's the best of Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

48:16 Drew And coming up next is one of our best best.

48:19 Adam A guy we really enjoy from a little show called Arrested Development. Five Emmys, maybe you've heard of him. Will Arnett. There, buddy. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Will Arnett is here tonight from Arrested Development. Sunday nights, 830. Fox. Five Emmys. Count them, Drew.

48:45 Drew One, two.

48:46 Adam I mean, you know.

48:47 Drew Oh, five.

48:48 Adam Count them. Five Emmys.

48:49 Drew Wow.

48:50 Caller Yeah.

48:51 Adam Cleaned up at the Emmys. I mean, it was.

48:54 Drew The darling of the Emmys.

48:55 Adam The darling of the Emmys. I mean, certainly in the comedy department, I don't think anything did better than Arrested Development.

49:00 Drew They got all the awards. How could they do better?

49:02 Adam That's right. Count them, Drew. Five.

49:04 Wow.

49:07 Adam Will is not only in Arrested Development, but is the voice of, let me see, GMC, right?

49:15 Yeah.

49:16 Adam Not more than you want, but still gonna pay for it.

49:19 Drew Do you do anything for Fox?

49:21 No, I don't. Sadly, I don't. They have not called me.

49:24 Adam Do you want to check your brain again?

49:25 Drew The reason I was gonna ask is you brought this up and you told me I was wrong, and I am, of course, wrong. But there's somebody that sounds like you doing the OC. Yes.

49:34 I like what he, I like to imitate that guy.

49:36 Drew Okay. Because he does like the OC.

49:38 Yeah. This week on an all new the OC. Because he kind of goes, oh, like he's like from Maryland.

49:45 Drew But he's from Huntington Beach all of a sudden. Yeah.

49:48 Adam I do me a favor, do this one. Someone's killing this week on Vegas. Someone's killing show girls and Dan wants to know why.

49:59 This week on an all new Vegas, someone is killing show girls and Dan wants to know why.

50:08 Adam Yeah. There you go. That was as much entertainer as I had from age 11 to 19. I was at just senior. I didn't even watch Vegas. I just watched them promo Vegas. And I was like, wow, this guy's got a car in his phone. And then I realized a car, I mean a phone in his car.

50:29 That's the T-Bird?

50:30 Adam Yeah, I had the T-Bird. Yeah. I was like, oh my God, there's no wire on his phone.

50:33 Did he have a phone? There were a couple of people had those phones.

50:36 Adam He had a phone in his car. I think I think Vegas was the first. And I was thinking, I was looking at my my life and I was thinking, Corolla, we barely have a toaster oven. Like it's a timeshare toaster. And we get it on Monday and Wednesday and Thursday. Yeah. No, we had to share. No. Well, we actually kept one toaster oven. Yeah.

50:55 All right.

50:56 Adam So we'll and we'll also marry to Amy Poehler from Saturday Night Live, by the way, who's super funny and very talented and good looking too. You know, you don't normally get the good looking and the funny and the funny. Yeah. But Amy Poehler is very attractive and and very talented.

51:14 She got she got hugged last night by Bono. I don't know if anybody saw that.

51:18 Adam Oh, I think I do. Are you pissed?

51:20 Well, I'm pissed. I mean, mm hmm.

51:24 Drew Yes, he is. Yeah, he is. But does it?

51:26 Adam Yeah.

51:27 Drew Here's a plane in the morning.

51:28 Adam I had this great I I can't stand Bono, by the way, because he's always at some summit meeting or he's out here on the Capitol steps or he thinks he's running this country. He wants to know what's going on with this country. You know, so I thought first off, you're not from here, Bono or Bono or whatever you call yourself. There's a couple of things I think about. I think about you two. One is you got Bono and then you got the Edge and then you got Larry What's His Name. And I think how sad is it when you're Larry sandwiched in between the Edge and Bono and Bono on the Edge, and I'm Larry, you sound like an idiot, right? All right. But then I think I was thinking, look, go back to your crappy Ireland and get things straightened out over there. Don't worry about us. We're doing fine. No, no, he's over here doing his thing. And I thought, how would he like it if we did that to him? And then I thought, we sent Bob Seeger over to Ireland to straighten things out. And Bob just goes, hey Bono, yeah, I'm heading over to Ireland. I'm going to talk to the Congress or whatever you guys have on there.

52:25 Drew The Protesters and the Catholic.

52:26 Adam I'm going to get people together. I'm going to protest. I'm going to be angry about what's going on.

52:30 But you know what? They ought to send the nudes with them, too.

52:33 Drew I was thinking Ted Nugent. That's what I was thinking.

52:35 Adam Well, Ted Nugent, that's the muscle.

52:38 Drew Yeah, that's a rifle. Ted Nugent is a shotgun.

52:40 Adam Ted is, see, here's the thing. You keep Ted. You keep Ted in your hip pocket because it's like, listen, if Bob Seeger's not working out, I will call Ted Nugent.

52:49 Caller You understand?

52:50 Adam He'll take an ATV tireless and he'll have a crossbow with him.

52:54 Caller He'll wait the six weeks to have it shipped there, too. It'll be a slow boat.

52:57 Drew A crossbow. Did you see that NBA fight the other night?

53:00 Adam Yes.

53:01 Drew It was huge. And I thought to myself, you know, if, first of all, the Major League Baseball has a long and rich history of things flying out of the stands and only built in battalions, the only guy I've ever seen fly into the stands.

53:11 Adam Right.

53:12 Drew I mean, the reality is even if somebody shot with a crossbow out of the stands, they should like hail security and get the guy arrested. You don't jump into the stand.

53:19 Adam I agree.

53:20 Drew Who's paying your bills, guys?

53:22 Adam Drew, you're thinking like a white guy, number one. I mean, to be honest.

53:28 Drew Referencing baseball and all that.

53:29 Adam Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah. I'm just saying, look, these athletes are like beaked up thoroughbreds. You know, they they know. I just mean, you ever see like a, you know, horse that pulls a plow? That's you, Drew.

53:43 Best Of Yeah.

53:45 Drew A mule that pulls a train.

53:47 Adam Yeah. This.

53:49 Drew Whatever.

53:49 Best Of Well, whatever you do on the weekend.

53:50 Caller You know, I think that it's me.

53:52 Adam I'm just saying a bird could land on you and your fur would just do that. We wouldn't do it. These guys are like thoroughbreds. You try to get them into the gate, you know, their blood's coming out of their nostrils. And so there's veins coming out of the stuff. You agitate those guys, white or black, whatever they are, they're coming after you.

54:07 Caller That's their thing. And if they don't perform exactly like you want, then everybody freaks out like, well, what, you know. But you do have to ask the question, would Michael Jordan have done it like a great player? Would Larry Bird have done it? No.

54:19 Drew Magic. No.

54:20 Caller Magic have done it? No. No, Chamberlain.

54:23 Adam Chamberlain would have.

54:24 Drew Chamberlain.

54:25 Caller Yeah, he probably would have. Well, he would have hit a couple of women on the way and then he would have got to it.

54:30 Adam It's clearly wrong, but these guys, one of the things that makes athletes great is shutting everything off and sort of like reacting. It's sort of like the great boxers, you know, they're not looking around. They don't really even know where they are. They just tunnel vision on what's in front of them. And when these guys just react, their reaction time is 10 times faster than ours. They get hit with a beer. It's like, I'm killing. I don't think they even know where they are. And I'm not defending them.

55:00 Drew Yeah, I'm not sure I'd call that a trait that's like Hale.

55:03 Adam Well, look, here's all I'm saying. I'm not defending our test or whoever went into the stands. On the other hand, don't throw beer on somebody if you don't want to get your ass kicked. That's number one. I don't believe it's sort of like the zoo where there's a gorilla that could take your arms off, but there's a cage in between and we're going to torment it. No, there's just a small fence, so don't go torment them.

55:27 Caller It's a fold-up table. Right.

55:29 Drew Granted, there's a horrible behavior on both sides. Yeah.

55:33 Caller And it really goes to the heart. I mean, without getting into it, I don't have the time for it, but it is, and it's going to sound so liberal, which is really all it means is free liberal, which is hilarious that it's become a four-letter word, but the idea that that sort of display on Friday night is really such a manifestation of where we're at. It really is. And if anybody thinks that it's not, then they're wrong, because the whole idea of my respect, you disrespected me and trash talk and all those things that are now such a big part of our vernacular, that are just ridiculous notions and they're all about pride and misdirected anger and all this sort of junk.

56:16 Drew It's all about aggression.

56:16 Adam Yeah, it's ridiculous, but on both sides, and then fans coming down to square off with it.

56:24 Caller That was hilarious.

56:25 Adam Like that wouldn't have happened 20 years ago either. I mean, forget about the athlete going up there. I don't think the fan would have walked down and tried to square up with the guy.

56:34 Caller People used to wear suits and wear hats and go to games.

56:36 Adam And there was a sort of there's there's no, you know, it's all it's like I always think about flying. Guys would have like an ascot and a blue blazer. Now I got a guy cut off sweats and a boner. One flip flop. That's what Southwest will get you. Guy's wearing a stocking.

56:54 Drew The tank top.

56:55 Adam Yeah, he's got, he's got, he's, he's wearing a woman's stocking over his head.

56:59 Drew That's the other one you're wearing right now. We're not flying though.

57:01 Adam I'm not exposing myself to hundreds of people. Yeah, guy's just sitting there. He's wearing the, he's wearing the tank top. No pockets?

57:09 Caller What do you do?

57:09 Adam Just carrying your ID around? Like, don't you, what do you do with your keys when you travel? Like, what is that?

57:15 Caller He doesn't have any stuff. He doesn't have any stuff.

57:18 Adam Where is he going in the loose, and by the way.

57:22 Caller Albuquerque.

57:23 Adam I don't mind a tank top, but the one where the bottom of the armpit goes down lower than your hip, that ain't a tank top. It's barely a poncho. Yeah, that's what Tyson wears into the ring. Just a towel with a hole in it. I don't need to be seeing stretch marks around your liver while I'm trying to eat my peanuts.

57:42 Drew Makes for a great bouquet, though.

57:44 Adam Yeah, this is all, this is where it all started in airline travel, and then, and now it's moved its way to the arena. But yeah, no one's right, everyone's wrong. But all I'm saying is, if you're a guy who, you gotta understand too, these guys were the big men on campus. I mean, they don't have anybody come, no one came up to them when they were 17, 6'6, 265, yeah, and started to pick on them. No one ever told these guys, no, you're sitting there, all of a sudden, you get hit in the back of the head with a beer. You just turn around. That's it, it's game on, it's a switch that's thrown.

58:19 Drew Speaking of game on, let's take some calls.

58:21 Adam All right, Kitty?

58:24 Caller Yeah, hi.

58:25 Adam 21?

58:26 Caller Yeah.

58:27 Drew Don't hang up on her, Adam, don't.

58:28 Adam What's happening?

58:29 Drew I mean, do hang up on her, please, put her on hold.

58:30 Adam Oh yeah, oh yeah? Well, maybe we'll just talk to her.

58:33 Drew Excellent, I mean, horrible, I'm angry, I hate it.

58:36 Adam See, I got a brain too, buddy. Kitty?

58:40 Caller What'd I do?

58:41 Adam You're 21, no, we just had a bad connection, so I put my finger over the button there.

58:45 Caller What's up?

58:47 Caller My boyfriend is twice my age, and we've been dating for about six months, and we haven't done anything but kiss, and I was wondering if there's kind of a delicate way I could ask him why we're not having sex.

58:58 Adam Twice your age, so he's 42?

59:00 Caller Yeah.

59:01 Caller Well, I know what it is. Either herpes or gay.

59:05 Drew Or married.

59:07 Caller Oh.

59:07 Caller No, not married.

59:09 Caller Divorced, not gay, staunch Republican, staunch Catholic, he's from Texas.

59:14 Drew Take in Kitty for a second. Then we've got the little something here.

59:19 Adam What's going on with you? I like the herpes or gay part, which is gonna be a new show we're gonna try to work at.

59:24 Drew Herpes or gay.

59:25 Adam Here, do the VO for it, it's time to play Herpes. Your host, Adam Corolla, there we go. Ladies and gentlemen.

59:33 Caller Ladies and gentlemen, your host, Adam Corolla, for an all-new week of Herpes or Gay.

59:40 Caller Thank you.

59:42 Adam Thank you, Will. Thank you, great job. Hey, you guys, give yourselves a hand.

59:45 Caller Give yourselves a hand, fantastic.

59:47 Adam We all know how the game is played. Yeah, that'd be a good game. You could be the announcer, you'd be my, my, my Rod, Rod, Rod Rowdy, Rowdy, Rod, Rod, Roddy, Rod. Who was the, who was the, who was the announcer? No, uh, oh no, the price is right for all those.

1:00:08 Caller Oh, he just passed away.

1:00:09 Drew I can't remember his name.

1:00:10 Adam I thought it was like Rod, Roddy.

1:00:12 Drew Oh, Rod, something, look it up.

1:00:14 Caller I'll do it.

1:00:15 Adam All right, you're in. Kitty?

1:00:17 Caller Yeah.

1:00:18 Adam All right, you're going to get a big fat check in the mail every week when this thing goes to syndication.

1:00:24 Drew What do you do for a living, Kitty?

1:00:26 Caller I'm an actress. I'm unemployed right now.

1:00:29 Drew And what's the nature of your relationship with your boyfriend? How did you meet him? That kind of thing?

1:00:33 Caller We were in a play together.

1:00:37 Drew Would he? What?

1:00:39 Caller Go ahead, sorry.

1:00:40 Drew Would he call you his girlfriend? What he thinks of about this relationship?

1:00:43 Caller Yeah, he's called me his girlfriend.

1:00:45 Drew And have you brought up why there's been no sex with him?

1:00:48 Caller No, I just don't know how to put it.

1:00:51 Drew Here's how you put it. In the past, when I've had boyfriends, we had sex.

1:00:56 Caller Yeah.

1:00:56 Adam That's it. And weaving another penis into the mix, though.

1:01:00 Drew Or just saying, I've always thought when I had a boyfriend, it meant we were having sex.

1:01:04 Caller But that's the thing.

1:01:04 Caller I've never actually had a boyfriend because I've only dated girls up to this point.

1:01:09 Drew See what I'm saying? Yeah. I felt it right at the beginning.

1:01:12 Adam That's right. All right. So, Kitty, something's going on with your sexual satellite dish, too.

1:01:19 Drew I got the hostility thing.

1:01:20 Adam Gang rape, man. When were you molested?

1:01:23 Caller I was eight.

1:01:24 Drew Eight.

1:01:24 Adam OK. That's going to be another game we're going to work on.

1:01:27 Drew When were you molested?

1:01:28 Adam Yeah. When were you molested?

1:01:30 Drew Time to play. When were you molested?

1:01:33 Adam When did your dad rape you?

1:01:36 Caller No.

1:01:36 Adam No, it wasn't my dad. You got that, wasn't your dad? Who was it?

1:01:40 Caller It was my best friend's dad.

1:01:42 Drew Oh, nice. That's a nice twist.

1:01:44 Adam That's a, part of this could be horrifying. I mean, your dad doing it to you is like sort of deeply disturbing, but your friend's dad is sort of frightening at the same time.

1:01:55 Drew That's all it is.

1:01:56 Adam All right. So what are we going to do? How about a little therapy, Kitty?

1:02:01 Drew Well, no, wait, Kitty, bring it up with your boyfriend. If there's something, you know, you know, you have a history of.

1:02:06 Adam I wonder if he thinks she's his girlfriend.

1:02:09 Drew Well, I wonder if he's gay as gay or herpes.

1:02:12 Adam Well, you met him on the stage.

1:02:15 Drew Yeah, he's a lesbian.

1:02:16 Adam Unless he had a play, what play were you doing?

1:02:18 Caller Yeah.

1:02:19 Caller Sorry, I couldn't hear that.

1:02:20 What?

1:02:20 Caller Sorry, what play were you doing?

1:02:22 Caller Um, it was our town, I think.

1:02:25 Adam Gay. Gay.

1:02:27 He's not gay.

1:02:29 Adam Look, if he was on stage and didn't have a roll of duct tape on his belt and was working on something, he's actually in the play.

1:02:36 No, no, no, he was in the crew.

1:02:39 Drew Oh, crew.

1:02:41 Adam Oh, wow. Then it doesn't matter what the production is. Unless it's our town.

1:02:44 Drew What made you leave women for this guy?

1:02:47 Caller I don't know.

1:02:48 Caller I mean, it was, I didn't plan on it.

1:02:51 Caller It just kind of happened.

1:02:52 Drew Yeah. I just got horrible. Imagine somebody that she was really attracted to. She's got all these issues with men, super attracted to this guy, guys want to have sex. What is up with this guy? All right. Let's just go and talk to him. We don't have enough information as you give you anything useful except to say you just need to talk with him. The fact that you won't talk with him is sort of bizarre. It's of course you would talk to him about something like this. You feel, go ahead and feel justified bringing it up.

1:03:16 Adam Now I'm going nuts with the announcer for the prizes, right?

1:03:18 Drew There was J.

1:03:19 Caller Rod Roddy.

1:03:20 Drew Rod Roddy. Yes.

1:03:21 Adam All right. Well, I said it three times.

1:03:23 Drew So none of us, neither of us had heard of it. Yeah.

1:03:27 Adam All right. Anderson, you could jump in, too, buddy.

1:03:28 Caller You know, I felt bad because I said Roddy Ryder Piper. I was completely on the wrong track. I thought you were talking about something else. So I looked it up for you, buddy.

1:03:34 Caller Oh, OK.

1:03:35 Adam Rod Roddy. It just sounds wrong.

1:03:37 Caller Yeah.

1:03:38 Drew And like we what was it going on in the parents' head?

1:03:41 Caller Looks great on Tombstone, though.

1:03:43 Adam Yeah. Fantastic.

1:03:45 Caller It's totally made up. It's totally made up.

1:03:46 Adam Must be made up. Although it doesn't. It's not good enough to be made up. Do you know what I mean?

1:03:51 Drew He's on the tombstone.

1:03:53 Caller He's an announcer.

1:03:54 Adam We'll have to go. We'll go find his grave. Chris, go to Rod Roddy's grave during the next commercial and and bury yourself. Now, go find out what's not here.

1:04:03 Drew So it looks like somebody should have outside of the haunted mansion.

1:04:05 Adam I don't trust you. So take a piece of paper and a pencil and stencils the gravestone and then bring it back to me.

1:04:13 Caller OK.

1:04:13 Adam All right. Or take a picture of it with your camera phone. But I want a current newspaper where the date is displayed next to it. All right.

1:04:21 Caller All right.

1:04:21 Adam Do that during the break. Giselle.

1:04:23 Caller Hello.

1:04:24 Adam You're 18.

1:04:25 Caller Yeah.

1:04:26 Adam What's up?

1:04:28 Caller I wanted to know why my boyfriend would lose his erection while we're having sex. And it's only in certain positions also.

1:04:35 Drew What's the position?

1:04:37 Adam What was that doggy?

1:04:39 Caller No. Usually when I would go on top, he would lose it.

1:04:41 Drew How dare you?

1:04:42 Adam Well, sometimes you get a little whiff of ass. And it's like, oh, man, it can be rough. You're like, oh, my God, I'm banging a human.

1:04:52 Drew But once again, doesn't that somewhat function based on who you're with? I mean, if it was somebody, you know, it was Claudia Schiffer, something like you like a little ass.

1:05:06 Adam Yeah. Oh, no. Claudia Schiffer. It's like the next morning, like, could you please crap on my waffle? Thank you. Thank you. OK. That's fantastic. That's it. That's all I guess. I guess I'll spread it out. You know, now it's just a waffle because the divots eat it up pretty good. But no, no, no, that's what you got. That's what you got.

1:05:26 Caller You know, they go for that. They go for that in Germany. Yeah, that was Germany. Yeah, they go for that.

1:05:31 Caller Giselle?

1:05:32 Caller Yeah.

1:05:33 Adam Yeah, no, it's really, it's really-

1:05:35 Drew But that's the thing, the beauty of man is what I'm saying. I mean, man, like they have certain times they're very sensitive. Other times it's like they saw their arm off and they're like, whatever.

1:05:42 Adam Hot chick can get away with more.

1:05:45 Drew Or anything.

1:05:46 Adam Or anything. Right.

1:05:48 Drew Which is not fair, but the way it is.

1:05:49 Adam Scary chick, yeah, she belches and it's a deal breaker.

1:05:53 Drew It breaks his concentration.

1:05:54 Adam Yeah, hot chicks just, just more fuel thrown in his fire.

1:05:58 Drew Now listen, sad but true.

1:05:59 Adam Sad but true. Giselle?

1:06:01 Caller Yes.

1:06:02 Adam Are you a hot chick?

1:06:04 Caller You could say that.

1:06:05 Adam You could. You ever crap on his waffles?

1:06:08 Caller No, I don't crap on his waffles.

1:06:10 Adam Well, then you're not that hot.

1:06:11 Caller It's not a euphemism, by the way.

1:06:12 Adam I gotta be honest.

1:06:14 Caller I gotta be honest.

1:06:14 Adam Because when you're smoking, no, no, yeah.

1:06:17 Oh, God.

1:06:18 Adam Yeah, no.

1:06:19 Caller Listen, it's not me.

1:06:20 Drew Well, haven't you haven't you said to your friends when you're going to have to she's a waffle crapper.

1:06:24 Best Of Yeah.

1:06:25 Drew Yeah.

1:06:30 Caller Oh, man.

1:06:31 Adam You see Quincy Jones with those two waffle crappers on his arm when he came to the awards. Oh, they were smoking.

1:06:39 Caller Oh, Mom and Dad, I can't wait till you meet her. I bring her home for Thanksgiving. She's a real waffle crapper.

1:06:44 Best Of Your mother was a waffle crapper at one time, too.

1:06:48 Adam I met her at a sock hop in 1961. I said to my buddy, I said that is a waffle crapper. I could see it from across the gym.

1:06:57 Caller And sure enough, yeah, it's even good in German, waffle crapper, waffle crapping time is over.

1:07:10 Adam Yeah. Well, that's the whole thing. You marry her because she's a waffle crapper. And then, but then her personality starts coming through and she gets a little older and she gets a little long in the tooth and next thing you know, you got your secretary crapping on your waffle.

1:07:29 Caller You got a trophy waffle crapper now.

1:07:31 Drew My man, you complain to your secretary too. My wife used to be such a waffle crapper.

1:07:34 Best Of She was a waffle crapper.

1:07:37 Drew She let herself go.

1:07:41 Best Of Yep.

1:07:42 Adam Trophy waffle crapper.

1:07:46 Caller America's next waffle crapper. You have judges.

1:07:53 Adam Yeah, it just sounds like, right.

1:07:54 Caller Who wants to be a waffle crapper?

1:07:56 Adam Right. You got, you got, what's his name?

1:07:59 Caller Lorenzo Lum.

1:08:00 Adam Lorenzo Lum's got his laser pointer. She's a waffle crapper.

1:08:05 Drew I just saw him.

1:08:06 Adam Trophy waffle crapper.

1:08:07 Caller On the street?

1:08:08 Adam You know, you know, he's been with some waffle crappers.

1:08:12 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:08:13 Adam Champion waffle crapper. Yeah. Legendary waffle crapper go-getter. Yeah, sure. Waffle crapper just sounds like, it sounds like a horrible German name.

1:08:26 Caller It does. Leslie Waffle Crapper.

1:08:30 Adam Also sounds like a like a World War II aircraft manufacturer. The Waffle Crapper Company. And later made coffee pots.

1:08:38 Caller I remember when I heard the Waffle Crapper coming over my village. They started to bomb us.

1:08:47 Adam All right.

1:08:48 Caller All right.

1:08:50 Drew The Waffle Crapper was a legion in the air force. It wasn't the plane. It was a group.

1:08:54 Adam They manufactured. They were sued for atrocities because they used slave labor. In their forging plants.

1:09:00 Drew Pleased to be the Waffle Crapper. All right.

1:09:04 Adam Now they make chainsaws and crock pots.

1:09:06 Caller All right.

1:09:07 Best Of Let's take a break.

1:09:09 Drew Do you want to finish with yourself? We'll get back with yourself.

1:09:11 Adam Let's get her.

1:09:12 Caller Look what she did to us.

1:09:13 Drew Look what she did to us, too.

1:09:14 Adam Let's focus. We got to break it down. We got to get a hand in it.

1:09:17 Drew Grab a beer.

1:09:18 Adam Let's go. Will got us punchy. All right. Will Arnett in here from Arrested Development, 8.30 Sunday night. We'll take a quick break.

1:09:26 Best Of We'll be right back after this.

1:09:46 Adam Well, it is the best of Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. And next up, a dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend who I knew long before I got in the show business, believe it or not. Yeah, best lay I had in the 80s. Oh, really? Mm-hmm, Kathy Griffin. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, disillusioned, disgruntled friend, disgusted, Kathy Griffin in studio tonight.

1:10:20 Best Of I'm emotionally dismembered.

1:10:22 Adam Allegedly, name of the new DVD.

1:10:25 Best Of Yeah.

1:10:25 Drew Buy her a DVD, make her feel better.

1:10:26 Best Of Thank you.

1:10:27 Adam I was, Drew and I just made one of our many trips to the bathroom.

1:10:32 Best Of Do you ever go in there and just talk? Because you can't pee that much, right?

1:10:35 Adam I actually went in and just talked.

1:10:36 Drew We were certainly talking. Yeah, you did this.

1:10:38 Adam I stood behind Drew.

1:10:39 Best Of Well, what did you do?

1:10:39 Drew Watch him? Wait, he stood behind me. He farted.

1:10:41 Adam What if something happened?

1:10:43 Drew Wait, wait, wait.

1:10:45 Best Of Isn't this show supposed to help people?

1:10:47 Drew Wait a minute. What did you do? Be fair. What did you do?

1:10:49 Adam I stood behind Drew. I spoke to him while he urinated. And by the way, don't ever turn your back on me, Drew.

1:10:56 Drew You farted.

1:10:58 Adam I, I, I, I, I simulated farts with my.

1:11:01 Drew No, and then you lived.

1:11:02 Adam And then I, and then I did blow an actual fart, which is unusual.

1:11:05 Drew With the leg lifted.

1:11:06 Adam Well, I don't want to chance anything. I want to, I want to aid its escape.

1:11:11 Drew And we talked.

1:11:12 Adam Then I took a half a step toward the toilet and saw that it was a day glow yellow, and then launched into a jag about what is going on with society and guys not flushing the toilet, and people can't flip the cap down on the ketchup container.

1:11:27 Best Of Did you flush the toilet?

1:11:29 Drew No.

1:11:29 Best Of Why?

1:11:30 Drew Cause I was too busy listening to him. I was trying to get away from the fart. Well, it was the latrine. I used the latrine, not the toilet.

1:11:36 Adam Yeah, he used the urinal, and that has an automatic flusher, which is now served to confuse people, because I think they think everything's an automatic flusher. But here's all I'm saying. I see a lot of this now, where you walk into the kitchen, and the microwave door's open. The person didn't have the decency to shut it. The ketchup is all crusty, the mustard's all crusty, because they didn't flip the cap down on it.

1:11:58 Drew The coffee mug with the quarter inch of coffee sitting in it.

1:12:02 Adam Everything is filled. You go to the bathroom, go to the airport or something. It's just urinal after urinal filled with urine. People don't have the dignity to flush it. What is it? Is it a big F for you and everyone? Have we become that?

1:12:12 Best Of Well, girls' restrooms are the worst, because girls have this crazy, ridiculous irrational fear that if you sit on a toilet seat, you're going to get hurt.

1:12:21 Drew Women have way more preoccupation.

1:12:22 Best Of And they pee on the toilet seat.

1:12:24 Drew They stand up over it.

1:12:25 Best Of Every time I go to the public restroom, I have to stand there and clean it for like five minutes. They hover over it, right? Yeah, I don't hover. I sit right on it.

1:12:30 Drew They do a hovering thing.

1:12:31 Adam Wow.

1:12:32 Best Of Oh, I don't want it splattering all over my thighs.

1:12:34 Drew Women have way more energy about the bacteria thing, way more.

1:12:38 Adam So women actually urinate on the toilet seat.

1:12:42 Best Of On the toilet seat.

1:12:44 Adam No, I know, but I find it interesting that women's number one complaint with men at the home is having the seat down and getting wee wee on the seat. But if you go to the public place.

1:12:53 Best Of It's disgusting.

1:12:54 Adam Really?

1:12:55 Best Of Yeah, it's gross.

1:12:56 Adam Unless you're into that kind of thing.

1:12:58 Best Of And I am not.

1:12:59 Adam Oh, well, speak for yourself. Pardon moi. So you then don't hover. You have to wipe off the yarn.

1:13:06 Best Of And I get a bunch of Kleenex and I wipe it all, wipe it down, and then I just sit down like a normal person. But I like to make a comment. No, I don't need that. I like to make a comment like some old lady will get out and then I'll look at the toilet seat and I'll splatter and I'll go, Oh, I guess I'll just clean up after your pee.

1:13:21 Drew Yeah, you say that.

1:13:21 Best Of Oh, yeah. I've never once had a person acknowledge it. I've never had a woman say, I'm sorry or shut out.

1:13:28 Drew Oh, here at the airport, they have a nice thing where the toilet changes its own plastic thing.

1:13:34 Adam Yeah.

1:13:35 Best Of That's pretty sweet.

1:13:35 Adam Not had the chance to test that out. I'm going to build up something nice and head to Chicago and see what I can get done. I like the people that make their own sort of MacGyver-esque makeshift ass gasket out of toilet paper and then just leave it there like some sort of off right here. Oh, should I use it or perhaps I should carefully flip it over and use the other side. Listen, you idiot. You made an ass gasket. You took a dump. Now flush it. Jesus Christ. Why don't you just come over and rub some fecal matter on my car rear view mirror while you're at it. You whizzed up the thing. Just flush it. Just flush. That's all. Put the cap back on the goddamn ketchup, shut the microwave and flush the effing toilet. That's all. All right.

1:14:17 Drew Dump the coffee.

1:14:18 Adam All right. No, I'm not saying even toothpaste. You know why? Because I'm talking workplace, other people. Well, you would do what you want at home, drive your spouse crazy, do whatever you want, drive your roommate nuts. But when you're out using the kitchen at the job or you're using the airport bathroom.

1:14:32 Best Of Do you and Lynette have separate bathrooms?

1:14:34 Drew Oh yeah.

1:14:34 Best Of Yeah, that's key. That is key.

1:14:36 Drew That's good for marriage hygiene.

1:14:37 Best Of Yeah.

1:14:37 Drew Marriage success. Yeah.

1:14:39 Best Of Yeah.

1:14:40 Adam Cause I whizz in the sink.

1:14:42 Drew Yeah. That's my thing.

1:14:43 Adam That's my thing.

1:14:44 Drew Hey Cathy, relax. Deep breathing. Deep breathing.

1:14:46 Adam Drew told me it was sterile.

1:14:47 Drew Deep breathing.

1:14:48 Adam And once I found that out.

1:14:50 Drew You're in a sterile. Look at how he uses it.

1:14:51 Adam I used to whiz in the sink before.

1:14:53 Best Of Why would you whiz in the sink? Why?

1:14:56 Adam Well, first off, I like to look at myself when I whiz and there's usually, you know, and I'm a multitasker. I will oftentimes shave and whiz in the sink.

1:15:04 Best Of No, you can't.

1:15:05 Drew It's the height of the counter that allures him. Yeah.

1:15:08 Adam I'm a rangy and it feels good.

1:15:11 Best Of Gross.

1:15:12 Adam And it's really it.

1:15:13 Best Of Wait a minute, wait a minute.

1:15:14 Adam There's a certain freedom to it.

1:15:15 Best Of What if your wife was going to like say, oh, I need to wash out this tank top before I wear it tonight. I'll just wash out in the sink real fast. Which is where you pee.

1:15:22 Adam I would I would I would give it a sulfur tie dye. Yeah. Yeah.

1:15:29 Best Of Drew.

1:15:30 Adam Yeah.

1:15:30 Best Of Do something.

1:15:31 Adam Let me let me tell you this. I used to whiz in the sink before Drew told me urine was sterile. And now that I found out it's sterile, I don't even move my toothbrush.

1:15:39 Best Of OK, do not come to my party.

1:15:41 Adam I'm coming over.

1:15:42 Best Of No.

1:15:42 Adam I'm coming Thursday.

1:15:43 Best Of You're disinvited.

1:15:44 Adam I'm going to drink a pony keg. And I'm coming over.

1:15:47 Best Of Oh, God.

1:15:48 Adam Drew, no whiz in between now and Cassie's party. I'm going to break it in.

1:15:53 Best Of I'm going to christen it granite. It's going to be a little drop. I'm going to go. He doesn't. He's very good.

1:15:57 Drew He doesn't.

1:15:58 Best Of Oh, come on.

1:15:58 Adam I'm like William Tell.

1:15:59 Best Of What if they did one of those dateline, you know, lights where they have the.

1:16:03 Drew Oh, yeah. He'd be pristine. Pristine. No, it'd be just the bowl.

1:16:07 Best Of So gross.

1:16:08 Adam If I see stone fill up there, I'm not going to do it.

1:16:10 Best Of My father who adores you knew this about you. Here we go.

1:16:13 Drew Thank you.

1:16:13 Adam Well, it's high time they found out.

1:16:15 Drew What's the real you?

1:16:17 Adam Kevin.

1:16:18 Best Of Yeah.

1:16:19 Adam You're 25.

1:16:20 Best Of Yes, I am.

1:16:21 Adam You have a real life German air Florida.

1:16:24 Best Of Personally viewed.

1:16:25 Adam What's up?

1:16:26 Best Of All right. Driving down the street, nine-year-old kid on the side of the road at a trailer park, been over pants around his ankles, dog licking his butt.

1:16:36 Adam Wow. Yeah.

1:16:37 Best Of Florida.

1:16:38 Adam Well, it's Florida. You got the trailer park in there.

1:16:41 Best Of Is that the final answer?

1:16:43 Adam Yes.

1:16:44 Best Of No, Germany.

1:16:45 Adam Wow.

1:16:46 Drew Oh my God.

1:16:46 Best Of You guys are 0 for 2.

1:16:47 Caller Wow.

1:16:48 Adam We've never been 0 for 2. Trailer park in Germany.

1:16:52 Best Of Jiffy's.

1:16:53 Caller Oh, interesting.

1:16:55 Adam Thank you, Kevin. We'll send you out nothing. Here's a hypothetical I thought of today. Has a trailer.

1:17:01 Drew Wait a minute.

1:17:02 Adam What?

1:17:02 Drew Go ahead.

1:17:03 Adam Has a trailer ever burnt down because a Menorah tipped over? Now think about it. Okay. Give yourself a few beats.

1:17:11 Best Of Cause at first you think no, and then you think, hmm, a lot of old Jews in Florida. They can't all be wealthy.

1:17:18 Drew I want to explore.

1:17:19 Adam First, I'm going to need your answer.

1:17:21 Drew No, never never have I can't.

1:17:23 Adam Menorah trailer fire course. One time.

1:17:25 Drew Yeah, that's good. Kevin, Kevin.

1:17:27 Best Of Yeah.

1:17:28 Drew You were actually in Germany.

1:17:30 Best Of Yeah, I was in the military.

1:17:31 Adam All right. Now, see, now it makes sense. One of our callers in Europe. What?

1:17:35 Drew Yeah.

1:17:35 Adam In the military. And all snaps into focus. All right.

1:17:38 Drew Frankfurt or somewhere.

1:17:39 Best Of Where were you? It was in a town called Friedberg.

1:17:43 Drew Friedberg. Yes, that's a big. I actually was actually asked to come speak there.

1:17:47 Adam Friedberg?

1:17:48 Drew Yeah. Really? It's one of the oldest medieval towns in Germany, apparently.

1:17:51 Adam I think they were trying to lure you in there because they found out you're half Jewish and they want to kill you.

1:17:56 Drew Yeah.

1:17:56 Adam They'll oftentimes do that.

1:17:57 Drew I know.

1:17:58 Best Of Or they wanted a dog to lick your butt.

1:17:59 Adam Yeah, you'll get that very cryptic.

1:18:00 Drew Either way.

1:18:01 Adam Yeah, come on down. Come on down. We want to hear what you have to say. And then they string you up. Oh, yes.

1:18:05 Drew I wonder why they set up in Friedberg. What the hell's going on in Friedberg?

1:18:08 Adam Who cares? You ready to roll?

1:18:09 Drew Let's go.

1:18:09 Adam All right. Question for Kathy on line five. Sam?

1:18:16 Yeah, I'm here.

1:18:17 Adam You're 24?

1:18:18 Caller Yeah.

1:18:19 Adam What's up?

1:18:20 Caller Well, I have a question actually that, hey, Kathy, how's it going? Okay. I had a question for both of you guys. I just got out of college a little while ago. I'm really into writing and comedy. And I wanted to know just kind of like how you guys got that first initial step into the business.

1:18:36 Adam Go ahead, Kathy.

1:18:37 Best Of We never get a question like this. It's always my father just gave it to me up the butt again and he's in the final stages of AIDS. This is a very lighthearted, I'm just thrilled.

1:18:47 Adam Go ahead.

1:18:48 Best Of It's true.

1:18:48 Adam It's nothing but fathers in the butt. Go ahead.

1:18:51 Best Of I would say that-

1:18:53 Drew In Chlamydia by breast milk.

1:18:54 Adam How did you get started? Were you in Chicago?

1:18:56 Best Of I was in Chicago. I did my first commercial when I was 18 and I was in high school. And then I moved to Los Angeles and I joined the Groundlings. I did that for a long time and I guess-

1:19:04 Drew I don't know this about you. Did you always want to be comedy?

1:19:07 Best Of Since I was five years old. Oh, and I would say pursue it as much as you love it, but you really have to love it. If you're like on the fence or not sure, sometimes you get discouraged, it's not for you. You have to love it at any cost.

1:19:22 Caller And be able to make sacrifices for it.

1:19:24 Best Of You have to do nothing but make sacrifices for it.

1:19:27 Drew Adam hates comedy.

1:19:28 Adam Well, that's true.

1:19:29 Drew What went wrong?

1:19:30 Adam I love money. That's the beauty of it.

1:19:33 Best Of Well, don't act like it's a really easy way to make money. Oh, comedy is an easy buck.

1:19:37 Adam No, it's not. But if you can do it, you might as well do it and get paid instead of swinging a hammer. You can yell that and work with a bunch of racists who call their children the kid. Sam?

1:19:48 Caller Yeah.

1:19:49 Adam What do you want to do? You want to write?

1:19:51 Caller Yeah. Specifically, I do want to write. I've always been kind of into kind of the behind the scenes aspect rather than being on camera. But I really like to create a side.

1:19:59 Best Of Well, that's smart. All right. Well, you're already ahead of the game.

1:20:02 Adam You need to, if you want to write, you need to write. You just write something every day. And get involved with some like, you know, improv troupe and write a bunch of sketches for them and do it that way. Have people do your material.

1:20:15 Best Of Isn't there stuff online you can just write and there's like websites where people just write stuff and...

1:20:18 Caller Yeah, you can publish pretty much anything you want.

1:20:21 Adam It also seems like a pretty good time. I know it wasn't that long ago, but when Kathy and I met, we probably met over at the Groundlings 15 years ago or so now, and there weren't that many outlets. Like, there was this whole thing where the cable was kind of just getting going. There wasn't all these reality shows. There certainly just, there wasn't 350 stations with 1,500 shows, 1,000 which you've never even heard of. It was just like, if you're funny, you're either sitcom material or you're not. And if you're not, well, have fun playing a cruise ship for the rest of your life. There's no place for you on TV. There was all this Bravo and TNN and Spike and Comedy Central. You know, think about what Comedy Central's offered. It's offered people who they wouldn't let on TV, guys like myself, maybe people like that. They've given a place for us to go. Some people that aren't necessarily...

1:21:15 Best Of Sam, what city do you live in?

1:21:16 Adam I'll put them on there.

1:21:17 Drew San Francisco.

1:21:18 Adam San Francisco.

1:21:19 Best Of I would say you have to live in LA or New York to really be a professional.

1:21:22 Adam All right, so go to New York. Please don't come to LA. I don't want to get behind you at a red light when you're not turning right.

1:21:27 Best Of Oh yeah, there's a lot of writing jobs in New York.

1:21:28 Adam Yeah, go to New York.

1:21:30 Caller Adam, I think that the work you did on the Family Guy is hilarious.

1:21:33 Adam Well thank you. It was easy. They just told me what to say. All right, you ready to rock? Anyway, no excuses. No quick fixes. You just do it because you like to do it and if it works out, it works out. In any business. Just focus and do it. Have we ever heard a shortcut in this business?

1:21:55 Drew No. Or even a plan or a sort of.

1:21:58 Adam Yeah, especially in comedy or writing or some people just do it.

1:22:01 Drew But we hear the same thing from the musicians, talk to people who want to be musicians. We hear the same thing for every single creative endeavor. It's always about just, yeah, something you really got to do. You better just do it and do a lot of it and see what happens.

1:22:13 Adam All right. Let's take ourselves a little break. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend, Kathy Griffin here. We'll take a break. Name of the new DVD, by the way, allegedly hot, hot, hot. The Gays Love It. We'll be right back after this.

1:22:27 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

1:22:30 Caller Radio, Loveline will be ready.

1:22:50 Caller Hey, everybody, Loveline.

1:22:52 Adam I'm Adam.

1:22:53 Caller That's Drew.

1:22:56 Adam Drew has a son who's got a little illness, a little word about... Son is mine.

1:23:02 Caller Yeah.

1:23:04 Adam Man, I'm worried about eating more of these smoked almonds.

1:23:06 Drew You know, it hasn't helped me back from that.

1:23:09 Adam Yeah. You know, I was thinking... You know, it's nothing worse than... I remember being sick when I was a kid. Nothing worse than living in a dump and getting sick. Sitting around watching a bad black and white Zenith TV.

1:23:24 Drew Right. It makes the visual, the environment sort of reproduces how you're feeling. Or amplifies it, you know.

1:23:32 Adam Well, the whole thing is, is that if you live in a crappy house, your whole life is outside the house. Then you get locked out. Oh.

1:23:41 Drew Yeah.

1:23:42 Adam Oh.

1:23:43 Caller Oh.

1:23:46 Adam Mitch.

1:23:48 Yeah.

1:23:49 Drew Hey Mitch.

1:23:49 Adam You're 20?

1:23:50 Caller Yeah.

1:23:51 Adam What's up?

1:23:52 Caller I was hoping you guys could settle an argument for me. All right.

1:23:56 Caller Can you spread herpes from the lips to the genitals?

1:23:59 Drew Absolutely.

1:24:00 Caller Thank you very much.

1:24:01 Drew That's how it got there.

1:24:02 Caller Yeah.

1:24:03 Drew All right. I was reading an article recently that was strongly urging blood testing for diagnosis of herpes. And I thought, well, that's fine for herpes too, which is about 60% of the genital herpes. But what about that other 40% that's herpes type 1, which basically everyone has been exposed to. So if you test everybody to the antibody to that, everyone's going to look like they have that. So I don't know. I still think it's kind of a clinical diagnosis when someone gets sores in their genital what they've got.

1:24:30 Adam But people don't normally, I mean, you can spread herpes from the mouth down to the genitals.

1:24:38 Caller Easily.

1:24:39 Adam Easily.

1:24:41 Drew If it's the right kind of virus, yeah.

1:24:43 Adam Right.

1:24:43 Drew If you have an outbreak, yeah.

1:24:45 Adam But you don't know if you have the right type.

1:24:47 Drew Right, that's right.

1:24:47 Adam But not all types. Most of viruses that are on people's faces don't seem to be the ones that get to the-

1:24:55 Drew I think you're right.

1:24:56 Adam Crotch. But anyway, it's still doable. I mean, you're sort of both right in the sense that, in the sense that just because you got something on your lip doesn't mean it's going to land on the inside of her hip.

1:25:09 Caller Hey, write that down, Drew.

1:25:11 Drew You're funny, man.

1:25:11 Adam But it also- Don't drop trowel. I'm this close to dropping trowel.

1:25:16 Drew But if you have something on your mouth or upper lip, wherever, you should not have oral sex because it could potentially transmit it.

1:25:24 Adam That's right, Dr. Drew. Jennifer?

1:25:27 Caller Yeah?

1:25:28 Adam You're 17?

1:25:29 Caller Yeah.

1:25:29 Adam What's up?

1:25:30 Caller Okay.

1:25:31 Caller So I've had boyfriends before and I, you know, whatever.

1:25:34 Caller It's like, there's no problem.

1:25:35 Caller I'm like some ugly chick who like doesn't get guys. But with all my relationships, I've always like, you know, been pledging the guy or whatever, because I'm, I'm really, really, really scared for like, like I'm a virgin too. Like I'm just scared for guys to like go down on me or like put their hands down. I'm sick of this weird fear I have. Like I don't know why I have it.

1:25:55 Adam Can you, can you stop playing the saxophone? What's going on?

1:26:00 Best Of I'm not playing the saxophone.

1:26:01 Adam What's that saxophone I hear back there?

1:26:03 Best Of It's not a saxophone.

1:26:04 Caller I don't even know what you're talking about. It's music.

1:26:05 Drew Well, that's what we're talking about.

1:26:07 Caller Okay, let me turn it off.

1:26:11 Drew It's Blue-Easter Colt.

1:26:12 Adam Who is that in the background?

1:26:13 Caller It's, it's, it's just Air, Air, the band Air.

1:26:18 Adam It's band Air?

1:26:19 Caller No, it's not.

1:26:21 Adam What kind of band, what band is that?

1:26:22 Caller I don't know, Adam, you're so hilarious.

1:26:24 Drew Which band is that, Jennifer?

1:26:25 Adam What goddamn band is it?

1:26:28 Caller Air, Air.

1:26:30 Adam It's called Air?

1:26:31 Caller It's called Air.

1:26:32 Caller It's called, the song's called Playground Love.

1:26:34 Adam Does it, does it have a saxophone?

1:26:36 Caller It does have a saxophone.

1:26:38 Adam Then maybe that was a saxophone.

1:26:40 Caller Maybe, I was just, I don't know, I was just, I don't know.

1:26:42 Drew Here we go. So Jennifer has weird feelings.

1:26:44 Adam I just get mad at everyone at their immediate shutdown and denial of everything. It's like saxophone. What? No, no. That's music. That's not a saxophone.

1:26:54 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:26:56 Adam So you listen to air too, huh?

1:26:59 Caller Okay. No, I don't. It's just on my computer. I'm just playing it.

1:27:02 Adam Because, you know, I call them supply. I don't call them air, but that's it. But I can groove to that band. I'm finally glad that someone else is into the supply.

1:27:12 Caller Air supply.

1:27:13 Adam As much as I am. I didn't think they would reach down into the younger generations, but evidently they have.

1:27:18 Drew It's eternal. It crosses all generational boundaries.

1:27:21 Adam But you call them air, huh?

1:27:25 Drew Jennifer, does anybody touch you down there conjure up any particular images or problems?

1:27:31 Caller No. I don't have any problems. I think maybe it's even self-conscious about it. I'm with a guy right now and I don't know what to do because I don't particularly even like going down on guys. I mean, whatever. It's cool. I'll give a guy a head, whatever. Sure.

1:27:49 Caller I just don't-

1:27:49 Adam You got to do what you got to do.

1:27:50 Caller Yeah, exactly.

1:27:51 Drew Well, you slow down a little bit. You may be just not prepared, not in the right situation, not in the right relationship and just don't feel obliged to have to do these things just because everyone's doing them.

1:27:59 Adam Jennifer, you sound a little anxious in general.

1:28:01 Drew But be that as it may.

1:28:02 Caller I'm not anxious in general, Adam.

1:28:05 Caller How dare you? How dare you?

1:28:09 Drew Okay, listen, Jennifer, I think it's a nice protective mechanism you have in place from perhaps preventing you from doing things you aren't ready to do yet. So just relax. Just listen to your- These are good instincts. These are not bad ones. Don't force yourself to do things you're not ready to do.

1:28:24 Caller Okay.

1:28:24 Drew It's a common time. All right?

1:28:26 Adam Everything good? Feel good about yourself?

1:28:29 Caller Yeah.

1:28:29 Drew Yeah. In fact, that's why this is the way it is. There's an interesting-

1:28:33 Caller That's what I think.

1:28:34 Caller That's what I think, too.

1:28:36 Drew There's an interesting thing out there where girls with low self-esteem are quick to have sex. Guys with high self-esteem have lots of sex.

1:28:44 Caller Whenever I listen to you guys talk to people, you always ask about their family life, and I have the best relationship with my parents. I have the best relationship with my dad. No one's ever done anything bad to me or anything.

1:28:52 Drew Yeah. You're protecting yourself. That's good. You're taking care of yourself.

1:28:55 Adam But Drew, what was your point?

1:28:57 Caller The point was retarded.

1:28:59 Drew No. My point was she has high self-esteem. That's why she's not having sex. Girls with low self-esteem have a lot of sex.

1:29:04 Adam Oh, I know. But she's-

1:29:05 Drew And the converse is true with males. Guys with high self-esteem, a lot of sex. Low self-esteem.

1:29:08 Adam Listen out BJs, like Mexican putting menus on-

1:29:12 Drew She didn't say that.

1:29:13 Adam In mailboxes.

1:29:13 Drew She's in relationships, and in those relationships, she'll go ahead and do that. 17.

1:29:19 Adam Ay! My drunken friend, Dave, called me, left a series of drunken messages.

1:29:28 Drew Dave, the guy working on it, the big guy?

1:29:30 Adam Yeah, big guy.

1:29:31 Drew Cavs.

1:29:32 Adam Big everything. Used to work for me.

1:29:35 Drew Oh, he doesn't work for you anymore?

1:29:37 Adam No, he's a little too much of a criminal.

1:29:39 Drew I thought he was a recovering person.

1:29:42 Adam Not recovering, no.

1:29:43 Drew No, clearly not.

1:29:44 Adam No, no. He used to, anyway, he called me. He called me, left a long drunken message on my phone machine Saturday night, and he was laughing because he works at Union Construction. And he said, on the, he was like all, he was all loaded, and he said, on the Porta Pani, he said, he went in there, and it said, Mexican Space Shuttle. And he started laughing like a mad man.

1:30:11 Drew Oh my God.

1:30:12 Adam And then hung up.

1:30:13 Drew Oh my, why did he save that one for you?

1:30:17 Adam I don't know. You know, I love good racers humor.

1:30:20 Drew Mexican Space Shuttle.

1:30:23 Adam It's good. He was also the guy who informed me that, when he had the seat liners, you know, those, ask gaskets as they call them at the commercial buildings and in the airports and stuff at the toilets, he saw the sign that had an arrow pointing to it and said, free cowboy hats. I always liked that too. Mexican Space Shuttle.

1:30:47 Drew Did he call you a drunken stupor?

1:30:48 Adam They called back. Here's the problem with the drunken guy phone calls. It's never one. You get the second message. Okay, dude, don't tell. You get that, okay, I'm drunk. I got about four of them, but I always enjoy them. Amber?

1:31:04 Caller Yeah.

1:31:04 Adam Especially when you're dealing out that kind of top-notch entertainment. Yeah. What's up there, Amber?

1:31:10 Caller Well, I have trouble climaxing with intercourse, but with masturbation and oral sex. I was just wondering if there's anything wrong with me.

1:31:19 Drew No, you represent most women.

1:31:22 Caller Okay.

1:31:22 Drew Most women do what you do.

1:31:24 Caller Okay. I was also wondering if there's any kind of like, because I've seen like there's like creams at like sex shops to like increase it or like help it or whatever. I was kind of wondering if those actually work.

1:31:36 Drew You probably will feel something, but I don't think it would change your basic mechanism.

1:31:39 Adam But if you think they're going to work, well, you know how women are.

1:31:43 Drew But it's still going to be primarily this for you. It's going to be unusual for you to have orgasm.

1:31:48 Caller I mean, is it going to be like this the rest of my life, or as I get older, is it?

1:31:52 Adam That slot is going to start loosening up and paying off.

1:31:55 Drew It's going to get, in about 10 years, get a little easier, and we might sort of get a little handle on it, so to speak. But it's going to basically be the same thing. This is most women do not have orgasm during intercourse. They only do it during oral sex.

1:32:08 Adam Amen.

1:32:09 Caller Okay, thank you.

1:32:10 Drew Okay.

1:32:10 Adam Lengthy, arduous, tedious oral sex. How long does it take you to have orgasm with the oral sex?

1:32:20 Caller Probably about, it's anywhere from 15 to an hour.

1:32:26 Drew Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

1:32:27 Adam I've been down that road, brother.

1:32:29 Caller Yeah.

1:32:30 Adam Many, many times. It's a lonely, lonely road.

1:32:31 Drew Maybe you're looking at some vibrators or something like that to kind of.

1:32:34 Caller Yeah, I mean, like I can achieve it when like masturbation and stuff, just like with intercourse, it doesn't happen.

1:32:42 Drew Yeah, but still 15 to 30 an hour of oral sex is dangerous.

1:32:45 Caller Yeah.

1:32:46 Adam Man, I get TMJ. Oh, here's the thing, too. Amber's probably one of these chicks who probably squeezes one off every once in a while. And it's like, no, with the guy getting the oral, squeezes the one off in like nine minutes.

1:33:00 Drew Yeah.

1:33:00 Adam So the guy's feeling pretty good about himself. But the next one comes at minute 41. You know, the next session, the guy's like, what's going on? I know we've passed the point where we had one last time.

1:33:12 Drew Randomly reinforced behaviors cannot be extinguished, meaning he'll go back to the well for that nine minutes.

1:33:18 Adam I know, but it starts to wreak havoc on your mind when you realize, Jesus Christ, I've just listened to seven Led Zeppelin songs and nothing.

1:33:29 Drew All right. There we go.

1:33:30 Adam We're going to take a break. We'll be back. Well, that's the show. That's the week. Thank you all for tuning in. I want to give a little tip of the hat to those who made it possible. Number one on the list, Engineer Anderson.

1:34:10 Drew Put this whole thing together.

1:34:11 Adam Put the whole week together. Number two, three and four, Engineer Anderson.

1:34:14 Drew Did Chris help too? No. No, no. Chris just lent his voice to the drops.

1:34:19 Adam Yeah, that's... Well, actually, we'll listen to it, and if it comes out good, we'll know that Chris had a hand in it, because a man is synonymous with excellence.

1:34:26 Drew And quality.

1:34:27 Adam I'm gonna give Chris a little shout out anyway, Engineer Chris, for doing a... Actually, here's my shout out. Give me some coffee. All right. Engineer Chris, doing a great job all week long. I wanna thank Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior Producer, Lauren, and of course, Senior Producer, Ann, for doing a fantabulous job, and... Oh, Brian, for possibly screening some calls, so that where the hell was he? It was the best of. So, until next time, I'm Adam Crawford, Dr. Drew is saying, Mahala.

1:34:59 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:35:13 Caller Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, March 31, 2005