Episode 1000702421379

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:01 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:04 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:17 Adam With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, board certified physician and an addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, Louis XIV is going to be in studio. These guys are out of San Diego and they did Kimmel tonight.

1:39 Drew Oh, no kidding.

1:40 Adam Yeah. So you can watch them on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight. Probably about 12-something, your time. They just walked in. We're going to bring them in, I think, after the first break. But maybe we'll go to break just a little bit early. Not to keep the boys waiting too long. All right. So the phone number. It's all we need. Yes. 14th and studio tonight.

2:07 Drew Here we go.

2:07 Adam Take some phone calls and speak to Aaron. It's 26, Aaron.

2:12 Yeah.

2:13 Adam What's up?

2:15 Oh, I just have a question.

2:17 I don't know. I'm wondering about like a guy's libido. If like the older they get, the less interested in sex they are.

2:25 Drew How?

2:26 Adam Oh, yeah. But that's after 50. When do you? Well, as a man of timeless passion, we cannot use your libido nor your sequito as a yardstick to measure man's passion. It's unfair to us mortals.

2:44 Drew Pepito, libido, and sequito. Oh, none of those things apply.

2:47 Adam You will not use either one of the aforementioned three, the libido, the pepito, or the sequito of Dr. Drew's to measure normal man's libido.

2:57 Drew Oh my God.

2:58 Adam You would not use it.

2:59 Drew Yeah, you can't use that. That's right.

3:00 Adam You cannot.

3:01 Drew And yeah, men, around 50 may start dropping off pretty good.

3:05 Adam Sequito, the worst item Taco Bell ever introduced to their menu. No, no, that's not sequito.

3:14 Drew You almost had me.

3:14 Adam Drew gave me a look, sequito.

3:16 Drew I tried everything in Taco Bell.

3:17 Adam It's nutty, it's salty.

3:19 Drew And here's the thing about guys, as their frontal lobe starts decaying with a very advanced stage, then it all comes back on again.

3:26 Adam Oh, yeah, definitely start grabbing nurses. All right, but let's try to figure this out, Drew. Guy hits a plateau at, I mean, guy, you know, kicks into high gear at 15 years old. You know, I mean, it starts coming on. But they're nervous and they're jittery. But by the time they're in their 20s, they haven't worked out. And then it's early 20s straight on through.

3:49 Drew Through early 30s. Doesn't change.

3:51 Adam No, it doesn't change. We're at middle, late 30s. It depends. And also, it's, you know, it's not just the artists must be inspired every once in a while. You get a nice new bowl of fruit to paint.

4:04 Drew It's just like new.

4:05 Adam It's game on. Yeah.

4:06 Drew Yeah. Yeah. That's how you hear the general sort of drive. Just the case from about 38 to 50, probably. Right.

4:13 Adam Depending. And then there's the same, a lot of the same factors. Although Drew's going to disagree with me, but I mean, other factors come to bear, such as, who are you with? How much, how long have you been together? Have they put on 50 pounds? Is there a ton of, is there a bunch of stuff going on?

4:32 Drew Well, yeah, there are things that raise men's libido and things that drive it down. And their testosterone levels tend to follow that pattern. Like, for instance, if he's suddenly erected, elected, erected, elected President of the United States. His sakeeto tends to kick into action. Testosterone goes way up.

4:49 Adam Yeah.

4:50 Drew If, on the other hand, he's down and out and a bunch of kids and has had somebody who doesn't like him for his wife, that can drive things the other direction.

4:57 Adam Well, here's the thing, too. And I think there's two guys are, can be very different in this one regard, which is Drew's a man of exquisite passion and will spread that passion upon anyone who comes into his pubic crosshairs, right? I mean, you could be with the same woman for 50 years, you would still, you have passion. Now, you like to say it's passion for her. I just think it's passion. And whoever's in front of you is going to get some of it.

5:26 Drew I couldn't be with some 50 years. I didn't have passion for him.

5:28 Adam Yeah. Yeah. But you could, you know, I hope your wife's not listening, but you could have passion for many people. And once you have anybody, it's true of anyone and you have that passion. Here's what I'm saying. There's some guys who run out of steam a little bit, but if you dropped off a Fredrisks of Hollywood model in front of them, pow, it's back on again. And then they would taper down with that person too. And then pow again.

5:55 Drew Yes. Which is the Coolidge effect.

5:57 Adam Yeah. Which is, Drew will tell that story in a second, but it's the way many guys are. And it's almost what separates guys from women sometimes. And in a way, the passion straight on through, like you have, Drew, is A, admirable, because guys would just be happier if that way, but they're just not cut out that way. And B, makes for a long-term relationship.

6:19 Drew It's true.

6:19 Adam Whereas the guys that taper down.

6:21 Drew Lose interest.

6:22 Adam Well, it doesn't matter how beautiful, how bucks, and how tall, four years into it, it's time for another one.

6:27 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

6:28 Adam All right. Aaron?

6:29 Drew Good times.

6:30 Adam I don't know which one.

6:31 Drew How old's your husband?

6:33 Adam Your guy is, yeah.

6:34 He's 27.

6:35 Drew Oh, please. He's just hitting his stride now.

6:38 Adam Well, no, he is chronologically or biologically, but how long has he been with you?

6:45 We got together like three years ago, but I've known him for like, sort of like 1996. I've known him.

6:52 Adam I've known him for a long time. What's he good for a month?

6:58 It used to be like, we would do really good. We would, we were really like, intimate, but now...

7:04 Adam I don't know. I listen, listen, I'm pleased with the used to be. All couples act like maniacs at the beginning.

7:10 Drew Yes, exactly.

7:11 Adam I don't care.

7:12 Drew But if we needed it, if we would ask for that.

7:14 Adam We would, and it's like, you go into the doctor and the doctor says...

7:17 Drew Oh, Adam, this happens all the time.

7:19 Adam Yeah, you have cancer and you're like, well, it used to be when I was in my teens, I was quite an athlete. I know, you're 90, you have cancer now. Yes, I was on the rowing team in college. Yes, that was in 1927.

7:32 Drew You can't imagine how people cram extraneous information into their history because to them, they need you to know because they've decided it's important.

7:40 Adam I moved like a gazelle until I got in a motorcycle accident. It's like, yeah, yeah, you used to, you used to.

7:47 Drew My vision was a little blurry before I hit that curb.

7:52 Adam Yeah, you used to. I know, everyone used to do something, but now it ain't working that way. So what are you good for a month now, Erin?

8:00 Like, I have to beg him for like twice.

8:03 Drew Twice a month.

8:04 Adam Twice a month.

8:04 Drew Is he on medication?

8:06 No.

8:07 Adam Is he depressed? Is he pulling? Is he withdrawing?

8:12 He doesn't really, nothing's changed. He's never been like really open or talkative with me.

8:18 Drew Does he have any medical problems?

8:20 Adam No.

8:20 Drew Is he working excessively?

8:23 Um, he just works like four hours, five hours a day.

8:27 Drew Oh.

8:28 Adam Decent gig. What's he do? Engineer this show? Sorry, Chris.

8:34 Drew All right.

8:36 Adam Here's the thing, Aaron. I think sometimes guys drift off in a relationship.

8:43 Drew Whatever it is, a bad sign. Something is wrong.

8:45 Adam No, it is a bad sign, but there are guys who sort of drift off and need to be yanked back in and straightened out a little bit, and you're going to have to do that right now.

8:54 Drew Feel cathartic, Adam.

8:55 Adam I know. No, I know. Yeah. No. No, most guys, a lot of guys will do that. They'll drift off.

9:02 Drew I can see that, yeah. No, I can see that.

9:04 Adam You don't drift off.

9:05 Drew No.

9:05 Adam Plus, your wife's like a border collie running around you. I mean, she's never going to let you get off the path very far. Some wives go to sleep, the guys drift off a little bit, and then four months go by, the chicks are resenting it, the guys sleepwalking through the relationship.

9:21 Drew Yeah.

9:22 Adam All right. Now, what were we talking about, Samara? Samantha? 21?

9:29 Yes.

9:29 Adam What's up?

9:31 Well, I have a problem. I don't know what you'd call it, but I'm like a love addict, I guess. I have to have different men to keep me feeling good about myself, I guess. I'm not really a sex addict because I don't do it for the sex, I do it for the attention.

9:50 Drew Well, most women who are sexually addicted, believe it or not, actually come to sexual addiction through love and intimacy compulsion.

9:56 Yeah.

9:58 Adam I'm not sure if love is a big component.

10:00 Drew Well, they experience it that way, but yeah, of course, it's not real love, but it's the compulsion to be close to somebody and to feel that sense of intimacy, even though it's pseudo intimacy. But Samantha, there's two common ways you get in down that path. One is some sort of significant trauma and abuse in childhood, particularly at the hands of your parents, or the other side of that spectrum where you have eating disorders and people don't respect the boundaries between you and them.

10:30 Yeah.

10:31 Drew Which we got here?

10:33 I was abused by my dad.

10:36 Adam Well, that's it. What did he do to you?

10:38 He beat me and emotionally he abused me.

10:42 Adam Hold on. Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

10:44 Drew And shocking.

10:45 Adam And shocking. All right. How many guys have you been with?

10:49 I counted them up. If I'm not forgetting, then it's like 46.

10:53 Drew I'm not forgetting anybody.

10:54 Adam I think you got to, you know what? I'll say, you should say 45, because you can round down. Once you get into the 40s, you go up. If you're 49, you got to go up to 50. If you're 46, you go down to 45.

11:08 Drew Do you have any problems as a result of this? Do you have the guys who wear condoms? Do you get pregnant?

11:14 Most of the time I have been. I do have, I have gotten myself a couple of STDs.

11:19 Adam All right.

11:20 And they're being treated.

11:22 Drew She got herself a new car too?

11:23 Yeah.

11:24 Drew Got myself a couple of STDs.

11:25 Adam Well, Samantha, let's go now. You're on autopilot. Your dad abused you. You're acting out. How about you get it under control?

11:34 I know I'm trying. It's like I can't even, even when I don't want to go out, I like drag myself out.

11:40 Drew Okay. Dad was an alcoholic too, right?

11:42 I guess I am an alcoholic.

11:43 Yeah.

11:44 Drew And dad was also, right?

11:47 Yeah.

11:48 Drew Yeah. I just, I smell.

11:49 Adam You're getting drunk and making bad decisions.

11:50 Drew No, it's...

11:51 Adam I farted.

11:52 Drew No, it's not even that. Just I smell the alcoholism. So here's the deal, Samantha. You need a 12-step program. If you are serious about changing your life and changing your feelings about yourself and your relations with other people and having more meaningful existence and becoming something that you really feel good about, please get yourself a sponsor, work the steps, and I believe rather quickly by the sounds of you, you may find something substantial for yourself there. Go to AA, go to SA, go to a 12-step program. I mean, you'll be welcomed into AA. That may be all you need. You have to go, you know, as you go along, maybe you'll find you want to go towards the Sex and Love Addicts programs too.

12:28 Adam Oh, they have love in there now.

12:30 Drew Yeah, well, they have SLA, Sex and Love Addiction.

12:32 Adam Now, I thought there was this Simbene's Liberation Army.

12:35 Drew At one time it was.

12:37 Adam Wow.

12:37 Drew That's Patty Hearst was involved with it.

12:38 Adam I know. Chris, give us a quick tutorial on that during the break. But here's the thing.

12:45 Drew Chris, SLA. Simbene's Liberation Army?

12:49 Yeah.

12:50 Drew Who were they?

12:50 Isn't that what, they kidnapped her.

12:53 Adam Yeah.

12:54 They kidnapped her. And she was the heir of some newspaper.

12:57 Adam Yeah.

12:57 Drew Well done.

12:58 Adam Yeah.

12:59 Drew See?

12:59 Adam Yeah.

12:59 Drew You did know. I know.

13:00 Adam All right. Somebody saw the USA Today. Today because.

13:04 Drew Oh, today?

13:04 Adam Well, let's see. It's the 30th anniversary or something.

13:08 Drew Oh, is that right?

13:08 Adam Like yesterday or something like that. Something's going on. Check that out.

13:11 Drew Sure.

13:12 Adam And not of her arraignment or her, she did prison time or something like that. Listen, we went to the burnt out hideout in Watts when I was a kid. Checked it out.

13:24 Drew You and your parents or you was in high school? No, no.

13:26 Adam Listen, my parents didn't do anything.

13:27 Drew You and your buddies just went and checked it out?

13:29 Adam No, I wasn't in high school. I was in the third grade or something.

13:33 Drew You mean the school took you?

13:34 Adam Oh, went to that hippie school.

13:36 Drew Oh, of course.

13:37 Adam The teachers wanted to check it out.

13:38 Drew They want to show you what the man did to somebody.

13:40 Adam No, no. They wanted to check it out. They wanted to check it out themselves. You know, here's the thing. When you go to a hippie school, the teachers just want to do their own thing most of the time.

13:51 Drew Well, when you're hippie, other people don't really exist.

13:53 Adam Not really, no. So, what you do is you just, you label everything a learning experience and you hit the road. Like, hey, we're gonna go score a dime bag. We got the kids here. Well, let them learn about commerce on the street. You know, you just go. You know, that's what you do. You want to go check it out, you just go check it out. Yeah, those are my two field trips as a child. I went to the Symbionese Liberation Front's burnt out Watts headquarters where they shot it out with the LAPD and then they all burned to the ground. And then about four years later, I went to the L'Arie's taco seasoning plant in Eagle Rock.

14:34 Drew Those are very, very important moments in a young man's life.

14:38 Adam So you ought to see the look on my face when Drew's wife hits me up for money because the girls are going to Paris this year for a figure skating competition. I'm like, are you kind? Yeah, they're going to.

14:49 Drew And then an hour lecture ensues.

14:53 Adam I still have the taco seasoning, the sample they gave me. The tears start pouring down. It's very uncomfortable. Yeah. All right. Where are we? Drew, I want to talk to Tabitha.

15:03 Drew All right, go ahead.

15:04 Adam 33. Tabitha? You're 33?

15:09 Caller Yeah.

15:10 Adam What's the matter? I'm very depressed.

15:12 Drew What's up here?

15:13 Caller I had moved to LA and I had some rough times and making ends meet. So, you know those ads in the LA Weekly where they say, you can make like a couple of grand a week dancing?

15:28 Drew Adam has done that several times.

15:29 Caller Sure. And you have the driver and all that.

15:32 Adam Oh, you go to parties and dance?

15:35 Oh, yeah.

15:36 Caller But it turned out that I went to a hotel and they were doing a sting.

15:43 Adam And then they're doing a what?

15:45 Drew Sting.

15:46 Adam Oh, sting.

15:47 Caller Undercover.

15:47 Adam I see.

15:48 Caller And the cop wouldn't let me, I didn't know he was a cop, but the guy wouldn't let me out of the room and he was blocking the door and I was really scared and he tried to like get me to do something with him, but I wouldn't. And when I tried to leave, they arrested me and they booked me for prostitution. And so I'm just wondering, like, don't laugh, but if I ever strive to like get in the business or was trying and if I got an agent, I mean down the line, let's say, or maybe I have an agent, down the line, if they find out or if they do a background check for whatever, is my life over?

16:28 Adam No.

16:30 Drew People have done all kinds of things.

16:31 Adam Be an actress?

16:33 Caller Yeah.

16:34 Adam It helps to have a rap sheet as an actress.

16:37 Caller Because I know executives will run the other way. I know there was a TV show that I was supposed to be on.

16:43 Adam You're delusional, Tamatha.

16:44 What?

16:45 Adam Let me explain something. Nobody gives a rat's ass in this town about anything except for what you look like and are you good and that's about it. Everybody gets into this stuff with the, you know, this is sort of the...

16:56 Drew It's not even are you good. Do other people think you're good?

16:58 Adam Do the adult, yeah. Here's the thing. This is the adult version of the teacher didn't like me so he gave me a bad grade. Your teacher doesn't... No, you know, your 14-year-old gives you that line of crap.

17:10 Drew Because you were thinking that they took off from... They discharged you from that potential television show because of this?

17:17 Caller Well, you know how they take your driver's license number and they want to get, you know, they want to find out more about you.

17:24 Drew Oh, no, no, no, that's not what they do.

17:26 Adam They only do that for tax. They're running a background check on you. No way.

17:32 Drew If you were going to host a network primetime show...

17:35 Adam They're going to do the Oscars or something.

17:37 Drew Somebody would look into something, but not until then.

17:41 Adam You as an extra in the cafe scene of Jake in Progress. They're not running a background check on you. You're delusional.

17:52 Caller Basically, let's say, I'm just saying, if I was to get a break and I was to make it in something, a decent part, what not, is my life over? Like, I was doing so...

18:03 Drew We've said no. We've said no.

18:05 Adam Secondly, I swear I know this sounds convenient, but don't look at it as get a break.

18:11 Caller Or like, do you think if a guy finds out, like a guy I'm dating, he won't want nothing to do with me, like...

18:16 Drew Adam dated a stripper.

18:17 Caller Did you do prostit... Like, I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life.

18:19 Adam I Lexus Nexus'd her before I started banging her.

18:23 Drew Did you, were you a prostitute?

18:26 Caller No, no, I had like... I was like down and out, like I have nobody to turn to, like...

18:30 Adam Yeah, look, all right, something's wrong with you, Tabitha. I don't know what's going on with you, but you just... It's like if a...

18:36 Drew Perseverant.

18:37 Adam Yeah, if a deer could talk, this is what it would sound like, what happened? It says here you're 33. You don't have a little better handle on life at 33, everything's still so...

18:49 Drew Mysterious and confusing.

18:50 Adam Dramatic, mysterious and confusing. What's going on?

18:54 Caller You know, it's not that it's confusing, it's like I thought about this like last week, I was trying to call you guys.

19:00 Adam Okay, you got to do better than us.

19:02 Caller I just was so worried because I started thinking maybe my life is over because I have it on my record.

19:06 Adam All right, now look, I'm going to give you some choices. You are, are you high? Are you drunk? Is there any substance you're on? Did you ever have a brain injury? Or is there's just something going on emotionally that has stunted your growth?

19:21 Caller You mean like, am I high right now? I don't get, I don't get, I don't take drugs.

19:26 Adam You don't take drugs, you gotta start taking drugs. That way you have an excuse at least. Okay, here's a junior college, any junior college in your background?

19:35 Caller Yeah.

19:36 Drew Yeah, of course.

19:37 Adam Hold on a second.

19:38 Hold on.

19:38 Drew I'm shocked.

19:41 Oh, good Lord.

19:42 I'm coming, Wayzee.

19:45 Adam Oh my God, shocking.

19:48 Drew Look, she just needs to get a life.

19:49 Adam All right.

19:49 Drew Tabitha needs a life.

19:50 Adam Tabitha.

19:51 Drew Yeah. You need friends, you need a relationship.

19:53 Adam You need friends, you need female friends. You need a life. Yes.

19:56 Drew Yes, you need a life. And I'm not sure this is the best town to find one, by the way.

20:01 Adam And the whole actress thing, what would have happened by now if it was going to happen? Don't waste your time and everyone else's time.

20:08 Caller Okay.

20:08 Adam Get a career.

20:09 Caller Can I just say that Dr. Drew is like really hot. Like he's like a really hot guy and he's smart and he's incredibly sexy.

20:15 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I'm hotter than people know and Drew's dumber than people know. So I figure that puts us about the same level again. You know what I'm saying?

20:26 Caller Right.

20:27 Adam Okay, baby. I'm sad enough for her.

20:29 Drew I feel bad for her.

20:30 Caller I really do.

20:32 Adam I do too because it's like some people go through life like a ship with no rudder. They're just cast out into the sea and the tide just sort of drags them around. Once in a while, they hit the Gulf Stream and they sail along in this nice weather, and then they get thrown into the rocks.

20:49 Drew Right. Unfortunately, that sort of empty, unstructured life is just a representation of what's going on inside.

20:56 Adam That's right.

20:57 Drew And that's really the problem. She needs something on the outside that helps her on the inside. The outside needs to be structured, needs to be stable, need to have, you know, you need to have an eight, nine to five job, you need to have regular friends you hang out with, you need to have a stable relationship. This job, the road is just bad for her. It's just bad for you, it's bad for her.

21:15 Adam She may need to find a Jehovah or some Nepal relation like that.

21:19 Drew Well, she would be a great candidate. She would be a victim for one of these cults.

21:23 Adam Yeah, I'm looking to start a cult.

21:25 Drew Oh, imagine what they would do with her.

21:27 Adam Oh, yeah, put her on a stick and have a sex with her for the rest, about a year and then eventually she died and then just one more year sex and then they get rid of her. That's how it works. Louis XIV is here tonight. Yes, Drew. No, we're going to take a break because the band is here and we'll bring them in a little early, but what do you want to do?

21:46 Drew I want to tease the next call and comment about it. The next caller is Ben, whose wife has completely lost her libido after having a baby, and I am looking for callers like that to put on television. I'm sure we'll talk to Ben about this too. I'm also looking for people who have fears of pregnancy. Men get bizarre fears that the baby's going to see them having sex or they're going to poke them in the head or whatever, the weird stuff that guys have.

22:07 Adam I mean, when they're pregnant.

22:09 Drew The fears around having sex while pregnant and then horror stories of disruption of sex life after delivery.

22:16 Adam Well, we run this, all the public service announcements we run on this show are ridiculous and quasi-retarded. And one day, I will meet the guy who does the airplane safety turbulence, wear your seatbelt one, I will find the company, I'll make it my life's work to find this guy. But most of the ones, now that one is uber retarded. But we do have, we do have ones that are just sort of mildly retarded. One is the don't drink when you're pregnant. And it does do that thing where it says, this is the sound of what your baby hears when you're drinking. Yeah, except for then the baby hears the ice falling into the tumbler and the Crown Royal going in. I'm not sure the... So I'm saying if the baby can hear you pouring a highball...

23:04 Drew Well, certainly having sex is going to be where...

23:05 Adam Certainly getting pounded by the old man is going to show up on the baby's radar, yes?

23:09 Drew Yeah, well by their logic, absolutely.

23:11 Adam Oh, well I listen to the PSAs.

23:13 Drew Yes, yes.

23:13 Adam All right, Drew?

23:14 Drew Yes.

23:15 Adam Idiots.

23:16 Drew Where are those people?

23:17 Adam I want to talk to those PSA idiots.

23:19 Drew At 8.30 tomorrow night Pacific Time, 8.30 the... What's today? 22nd, 23rd. At 23rd, 8.30, taking calls on drugs. This will be at 8.30 Pacific Time, 11.30 Eastern. Drugs that have ruined people's sex lives. Like illicit drugs, ecstasy, that kind of thing.

23:33 Caller All right.

23:33 Adam We'll take a little break. Louis XIV here tonight. We'll be right back after this. Wow.

23:38 Caller Where do you keep your wallet?

23:39 Adam My hip. Up your ass, you mutt! Hey, everybody, it's the Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Jason Hill and Brian Karzik, both here tonight.

24:06 Louis XIV Hello.

24:06 Adam Hello, Louis XIV. Hello.

24:08 Louis XIV Thanks for having us.

24:10 Adam The band is on Kimmel tonight, so you definitely want to watch that. And also, we'll hear something off the new CD. So you guys, you know, I'm jealous because the band formed in 2003. Wow.

24:26 Louis XIV We grew up together, though. The two of us grew up together since we were little kids.

24:29 Drew And everyone thinks they're from England.

24:30 Louis XIV No.

24:31 Drew People think that.

24:32 Louis XIV Well, they do think that.

24:33 Caller Yeah.

24:33 Adam Yeah. But they're from San Diego. But you were influenced by British bands?

24:38 Louis XIV Well, in the same way, probably, that Mick Jagger was influenced by, you know, American blues singers.

24:43 Caller Yeah.

24:43 Louis XIV You know, I mean, we're influenced just as much by American bands, I think.

24:47 Adam Oh, you are?

24:48 Caller Yeah.

24:48 Louis XIV You know, old blues guys like Son House and Blind Millie McTell. And I don't know.

24:53 Adam There's a number of them, you know, I like when one of the old blues guys dies and you see the ad in the newspaper. Were you an offspring of Willie the Hitman Johnson? And it's like, he had 89 kids. We've only been able to find 43 of them. Come claim it. Claim it. There's a drum kit that could be yours if you just go. And everyone's like, everyone's always like, I was a great guy. It's like, he had 89 kids. I didn't know 80 of them. All right. So, well, like, who'd you listen to growing up?

25:28 Louis XIV A lot of different bands. I've always liked T-Rex and David Bowie and stuff as far as the English. But I've always liked Beach Boys, Beatles.

25:36 Louis XIV Lots of stuff. I mean, you go through different phases.

25:38 Louis XIV Huey, Lewis, and the news.

25:40 Louis XIV Well, I like the news solo stuff without Huey.

25:43 Louis XIV Just the news, the news on their own or powerhouses.

25:46 Adam You may be, you may be...

25:47 Louis XIV Michael Bolton.

25:48 Adam You may have your tongue in your cheek, but you just left... If you said that in front of Jimmy Kimmel, he would tan your hide.

25:54 Drew Oh, that's right.

25:55 Adam Huey Lewis.

25:55 Drew Yeah, he loves him.

25:56 Adam Huge fan.

25:57 Louis XIV I saw the big framed picture of him in the background.

25:59 Adam Oh yeah. Not a drop of irony in it either. Just Huey Lewis, Steve Garvey, and Huey Lewis are the two guys that Jimmy would have sex with beside, beside moi. So we're going to hear something off the CD. The guys are going to be playing at the, well, the Troubadour's.

26:16 Louis XIV Troubadour's Smart Night. Yeah.

26:17 Adam Is that sold out?

26:18 Louis XIV Yeah.

26:19 Adam Well, then that's that. I've not seen you guys perform, but I see you bring a little glam to it. Do you, is there more than just a little eye shadow? Do you do, is there some stage theatrics?

26:32 Louis XIV No, we just rock, you know.

26:34 Adam I mean, that's all you need. I'm just asking.

26:36 Louis XIV I mean, we rock in like a Bon Scott ACDC sort of way. Not so much a poison glam way, I suppose. Yeah.

26:44 Adam Oh, I'll tell you. I turned on the TV last night and saw one of those, you know, VH1, Weird 80s things or something. I had some, I think it was a Motley Crue video from like, you know, 87. I may forget. Oh, you forget. You forget. Like, you're watching this going out of your mind, like what, what, what? No one said anything. It's crazy. Crazy that no one said anything.

27:10 Louis XIV It's a vicious reminder.

27:11 Adam Yeah. Now let's not. Oh, yeah. And by the way, the CD reminds me, like back in the day, bands used to put hot chicks on the cover of their CDs. And you would almost look forward to it. Like when the Ohio players would come out with a CD.

27:28 Drew Back before video, before internet, Adam, that's all you had to masturbate to. Yeah.

27:32 Adam It was something. Yeah, it was that or the raft box over at the Big Five with the chick on the bikini floating on said raft and said, but it was hard to get that into the bathroom. It was hard to get that in. Yeah. Especially if you're beating off and you pull the cord. I think just went on it. Went up like a Zodiac. But yeah, the thing about Louis XIV is they put a hot chick on their on their album. And I've been staring at it the entire time. It's beautiful ass.

27:59 Louis XIV Yeah, it's beautiful.

28:01 Adam Yeah. How did you find her?

28:02 Louis XIV She's half German, half Thai from Mississippi. So she has an accent.

28:06 Adam Wow.

28:07 Louis XIV Great combination. We just did. We found her. And that's my writing on her back. I actually got to write on her back. And it's great. Yeah. We figured, I didn't want to look at us on our own record cover.

28:20 Adam Right.

28:21 Louis XIV I wanted to look at something. The whole record is very sexual and about girls.

28:26 Adam Right.

28:27 Louis XIV You know, so why have us on the cover?

28:30 Adam Yeah. Now, how much now? I see you have about one half to one third ass crack showing not yourselves, but on the beautiful German Thai woman from Mississippi.

28:42 Louis XIV Yes.

28:43 Adam Did the label give you any source about that?

28:45 Louis XIV Well, at first, when we said this is what we're going to do, you know, the art department and this and that, they all said, oh, no, of course not. You know, and so, you know, a couple of days later, as I've said, I thought it was assumed this is what we're going to do, because we said it. Right. You know, they said, no, no, you can't do this. I just called up the chairman of the company. I said, you know, Roxy Music had nudity on Atlantic way back when. Why can't we? And within a minute and a half, he goes, you know what? You're right. All right. Let's do it.

29:13 Adam And did they know? Did they have the picture or they just have the concept?

29:16 Louis XIV No, it was just the concept. And I just said, I want this is what we want to do. And they were really cool, man. You know, Atlantic Records is a really cool label. I mean, because they allowed us to do everything like that.

29:27 Adam We we once when we're doing the man show, we got in this argument with the executives at Comedy Central, which is how much ass crack can you show?

29:37 Drew Because those of a guy, though, yeah.

29:39 Adam No, no, guys or girls. You can show as you can show a plumber bending over fixing a sink and show, you know, inch and a half of ass crack. And that's funny. But if the pants are down, you know, past the equator or prime meridian or whatever, where the halfway point is on the ass, then it's offensive. So we said, how much ass crack can you show? Because you can't show bare ass, but you can show plumber's crack, how much? And they thought about it for a while and they said, three quarter ass crack. And so we came out with three quarter ass crack shorts that I eventually had to get into, which is disgusting. But I love it. See, when you take sort of bizarre nonsense rules and you force people to actually put a number to them.

30:24 Drew It shows it up for how ridiculous it is.

30:26 Adam Yeah, it gets ridiculous. Because, you know, boob. For obvious reasons, obviously. Obviously. Obviously, yeah. Yeah, if you said, oh, that chicken had great, just huge bozos.

30:39 Drew Canned jugs, whatever.

30:40 Adam Yeah, bra salamis and stuff like he's saying what. But you say the key word, obviously that's offensive. Yeah, you do the math, of course.

30:48 Drew All right.

30:49 Adam So where are we?

30:50 Drew Taking calls.

30:51 Adam We're taking calls and then we'll hear a Louis XIV call. Anna, I mean, Song, go ahead.

30:58 Right. I just wanted to ask if my boyfriend and I have anal sex, well, we've been thinking about it for a little while and my biggest thing is because it's my butt that's going to take the beating, if there's any way to minimize the pain.

31:14 Drew Why would you contemplate doing something that you anticipate being truly painful?

31:20 I don't know, I've always just like stuff that I've heard about, I just, I don't know, assume it.

31:25 Drew But some women find it appealing, they either doesn't hurt them or it feels good. And the people for whom it really hurts.

31:31 Adam But she doesn't know.

31:32 Drew She's pretty much seems to know.

31:35 Adam Well, I mean, some people feel that way with tattoos or piercings or things of that nature.

31:40 Drew They don't hurt?

31:42 Adam No, they do hurt, but they're attracted and want to try them. Or it's a challenge. There's like some people want to do a triathlon.

31:49 Drew But why, when it comes to sex?

31:50 Adam That's what they should tack this on to the end of the Iron Man.

31:53 Drew Oh, sure.

31:54 Adam Cornhole. Say 2.6 miles swim, a marathon, 108 mile bike ride, and then a good fudge packet.

32:03 Drew Seven and a half inch cornhole.

32:04 Adam The good news is there's a guy handing you a gatorade while you're a fudge volunteer. Yeah. All right. So Anna wants to try it. So let her try it.

32:13 Drew I'm not I'm not telling her not to. I'm just saying, you know, how's your husband play something that's pleasing to you?

32:19 Adam How's your husband doing in the girth department?

32:23 You know, that's your boyfriend.

32:27 What do you mean? Like way side?

32:30 Drew Yeah, that's what I mean.

32:31 Adam Yeah, because I'm going to buy him some Dockers this year. I want to know, is he 34, 36?

32:38 Drew In seam.

32:39 Adam In seam? How does he dress? To his left or to his right? No, is his penis, is it wide? Is it thin?

32:47 Oh, it's about seven. It's pretty average from what I've seen so far.

32:52 Drew It's average is five and a half.

32:54 Adam Yeah, I think it's more like five and three.

32:56 Drew Average is five and a half.

32:58 Adam It's seven, it's average, you know, nothing special. Yeah, okay, does it, is it's not a can of corn, in other words?

33:08 No.

33:08 Adam Okay. What do you do for a living?

33:13 Oh, I'm a student.

33:14 Adam Student?

33:15 Yeah, student.

33:17 Drew Full-time student.

33:17 Adam Full-time. Junior college?

33:21 Actually, no, college, university.

33:24 Adam Really? Northridge?

33:26 Yeah.

33:27 Adam Shocking. Yeah. The reason I knew that. It's really it should really just say, you know, welcome home, junior college students. It's a four year, two year college is really what that's what should be called. It should be called that. George Sturegood had a I think he his band was like a four man trio or something. It called it. And this that's what Northridge is. How do I know my mom went there?

33:52 Drew Oh, yeah.

33:53 Adam Forever.

33:53 Drew She still goes there, doesn't she?

33:55 Adam Yeah.

33:55 Yeah. Yeah.

33:56 Drew It's like junior college. You never leave.

33:57 Adam Here's the here's the admittance requirements in Northridge. You have to actually just walk in. It's a requirement. It's physically. You have to admit. You have to actually just show up.

34:06 Drew But Anna, if you want sort of tips and techniques and stuff. We've had Tristan Tremino on here a bunch of times. She sort of makes a career out of that.

34:13 Adam Yeah.

34:13 Drew And they look her up on the web.

34:15 Adam Hey, you use some lube. What about a hot bath?

34:18 Drew Remember, she had a whole thing about graduated plugs and things.

34:21 Adam You want to. Should you dilate yourself? How would you dilate?

34:25 Drew How much you going to dilate with them?

34:26 Adam Well, you hit yourself with a hair dryer down there.

34:28 Drew It falls out of your rectum.

34:30 Adam I'm just asking.

34:31 Drew I'm just saying.

34:33 Adam No, I'm saying if I sat if I jumped into a cold kiddie pool, you would have difficulty penetrating me. But you hit me with like one of those paint stripper hot air blowers. I'll open right up like that arch in that Utah National Park there.

34:52 Drew Is this an invitation?

34:53 Adam No, I'm just saying. Hot bath?

34:58 Drew I couldn't hurt.

35:00 Adam Okay. All right. So, I'm just thinking about it.

35:04 Drew I'm just saying.

35:05 Adam We should hear Louis XIV.

35:07 Drew Okay. I'm still looking for people with fears of pregnancy and people with a job or change their sex drive after delivery of a baby for television.

35:15 Adam Drop or change is what you're saying.

35:17 Louis XIV Yeah.

35:17 Louis XIV It's a change. Okay.

35:18 Adam All right. What song are we playing, by the way?

35:20 Louis XIV Which is a great segue into a Louis XIV song.

35:24 Adam Yeah. Oh, here we go. Is this the first song we're playing? Ah. Okay. This is a little something from Louis XIV. This is called Finding Out True Love is Blind.

39:09 Drew Because of the triumph.

39:10 Adam Hey, everybody, Louis XIV in tonight, Best Little Secrets are Kept is the name of the CD. Going to be on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight and at the Troubadour tomorrow night. We'll take a quick break. We'll be back with Jason and Brian right after this. I'm Adam Corolla, the literal millionaire. Dr. Drew is over there on paper, I guess, literally a millionaire. Proud to sell a few things.

40:12 Drew Yeah.

40:12 Adam Louis XIV, soon to be millionaires here, Jason Ryan, both here representing the band on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight. I find myself wearing my Jimmy Kimmel Live hat.

40:25 Louis XIV I just noticed that.

40:27 Louis XIV I wear that a lot.

40:28 Drew And then the Jimmy Eat World shirt.

40:30 Adam Well, I wear the Jimmy Eat World sweat jacket because I'm a swag guy and I have it, usually it's unzipped about three-quarters of the way, so it just says Jimmy and it says World at the end. And people think that I'm just an obsessed Jimmy Kimmel fan. It's two different Jimmies.

40:46 Drew Well, you're his sometimes lover, sometimes-

40:47 Adam I'm wearing my Jimmy Fallon underpants, by the way.

40:50 Drew Sometimes lover, sometimes life partner.

40:51 Adam I'm a fan and I'm not scared to kiss a little ass every once in a while. When I show up at work wearing the Jimmy Kimmel live hat every day, it's noted.

41:02 Drew People are jealous.

41:03 Adam People know.

41:03 Drew They know what you're up to.

41:04 Adam No, I know. Let me tell you kids a little tip about ass kissing. Not a bad thing.

41:10 Drew Not bad. Literally, in that what he's saying is he wants his ass kissed.

41:16 Louis XIV You see what I'm saying?

41:17 Drew He's encouraging that. So both for you guys too, I'm sure.

41:20 Adam No, we used to, we used to, Chris, a little ass kissing.

41:24 Louis XIV Adam, you're so cool and handsome tonight. You're just looking good.

41:28 Adam We used to do the man show. There was some guy that would go like, some guy would say, looking good, boss, when I'd be heading up the stairs. And everyone would be like, he's just kissing your ass. I'd be like, that's better. I like that.

41:42 Drew Right.

41:42 That's for Mr. Corolla.

41:43 Adam Yeah. Am I right?

41:45 Am I right?

41:45 Drew I agree.

41:45 Louis XIV I completely agree.

41:46 Adam Chris, Ken, am I right?

41:48 Louis XIV Yes.

41:48 Drew Yes, sir, Mr. Corolla. Yes. Yes, Hefe. Yes, Hefe.

41:52 Adam Hefe. Yeah, Hefe. That's what they call me around my head.

41:54 But how do you know if they're lying or not? You gotta know where you're at.

41:56 Drew It doesn't matter.

41:58 What if you got snot coming out of your nose and you're on your way to the stage and you want someone to say, hey, boss, not looking so hot?

42:03 Drew No, boss, come here, buddy. Come here, buddy.

42:05 Adam I had an engineer, Anderson. Yeah.

42:10 Drew He's another building. Far, far away.

42:12 Adam Oh, boy, nobody could get more out of that last conversation than you, Anderson. That was aimed at you, buddy. See what happens. Shut up, Anderson. Just shut up and do the buttons, would you, please? And that's when we're getting along.

42:27 Drew And it's just call him half a for now. It'll put you to the moose.

42:31 Adam I like his snot scenario, though. You make a good point. Shut up and do the buttons. Pre?

42:38 Yeah, hey.

42:39 Adam You're 20?

42:39 Drew Yeah, hey.

42:40 Yes.

42:41 Adam What's up?

42:42 Um, I was actually...

42:43 Drew Oh, hang on a second, Pre. We have not heard from the Chief Thunderbird quite some time. Just think about it. When he's a gynecologist? She greeted you with Yahe.

42:53 Adam Oh, OK. All right. She's got a piercing question. All right. Go ahead, Pre.

42:59 I was just wondering about the chances of losing all feeling over there, and I've heard a lot of rumors about that. Is that true or?

43:07 Drew That is true. That is true. I've heard of that.

43:09 Adam Your clitoris?

43:10 Drew Yes. I've heard of it being overly sensitive for a while and then shutting down afterwards. And I don't know what the percentage is. I don't know that anybody's ever studied that, but I've definitely heard about that.

43:19 Louis XIV How does that happen?

43:20 Drew It would be really interesting. If you take a foreign body and cram it through a...

43:23 Adam You get a piercing.

43:24 Louis XIV Yeah, shoving a needle. Oh, we're talking about piercing. You missed that part. OK.

43:27 Drew Yeah.

43:27 Louis XIV I think you should not do it anymore.

43:29 So would it be something to get one?

43:30 Would it be like, is it something to worry about?

43:33 Drew Say that again. What was the question?

43:35 Well, is it something to actually worry about right now?

43:37 Adam Yes.

43:38 Drew How could it not?

43:39 Adam Why?

43:39 Drew How could it not be? Pre, it happens. It happens to a lot of women. How could it not be something to worry about?

43:44 Adam Well, here's the thing. It's it's I don't think it's at epidemic levels in this country. But the point is, is things could possibly go wrong in in an area of your body that's sort of a tantamount to monkeying with your eyesight.

43:57 Louis XIV Yeah.

43:58 Adam You know, it's going to be a long life.

44:00 Louis XIV You're why would you do it in the first place? It's not attractive. It looks horrible.

44:04 Louis XIV And you might lose all sensitivity in another reason.

44:08 Louis XIV Yeah, absolutely no reason to do it.

44:09 Adam I'll tell you, if it brought you up from a six to a nine, I could see rolling those dice.

44:16 Drew There's no functional reason for it. In other words, it's not as though it accomplishes something in the eyes of other people. Right. It's not as though it really I mean, rarely is it truly enhanced sexual functioning. And it can be a problem for sexual.

44:29 Adam Well, let's just put it this way. If you're not really into sex, this isn't going to get you there. And if you're digging it, well, then you're digging it already. And as far as the guys go, we don't know you have one until the legs are kimbo and the panties are hanging off the lamp anyway. So the deal is done.

44:46 Drew And by the way, for the most part, people that feel compelled to do this are people that have trauma histories.

44:52 Louis XIV I mean, but the last thing you want to do is feel some cold metal when you go down in girls' pants, right? Yeah, I mean, that's the last thing I want to think of.

45:00 Adam Right. Well, actually, penis is the last thing.

45:02 Drew I'd like to think of that.

45:04 Louis XIV The number two, then, of course.

45:06 Adam The second to last is cold metal.

45:09 Drew Yeah, the last thing is the penis, yes. Yeah, yeah. I'd rather encounter like a dragon or something.

45:15 Adam Yeah, you'd rather be bitten than be bitten. Just a snapping turtle.

45:18 Drew Yeah, the penis would be much worse.

45:21 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Apri?

45:25 Caller Yeah.

45:26 Adam What's up? Were you ever abused?

45:29 Caller Um, not really, no.

45:31 Drew Physical abuse is usually physical abuse. No one ever hit you?

45:34 No, no one ever hit me.

45:35 Adam All right, good, then you don't need a piercing.

45:36 Drew Then don't do this. You have control over yourself. You can choose not to do it.

45:41 Louis XIV Yeah, don't do it.

45:41 Adam You're fine.

45:42 Louis XIV Please don't.

45:44 Adam Listen, the crazy tats and the crazy piercings on women, it does not, all it says to guys is that you're F-ed up. Yes, that's all this.

45:55 Drew It says open for business, good to go.

45:57 Adam Open for business.

45:58 Drew And then watch out.

46:00 Adam Yeah, and then, yeah, run. Yeah, fun lay, and then she's going to try to stab you. You're going to get that weird, weird psycho stuff going on. Even that sort of small of the back stripper, sort of Rorschach test that this, everyone seems to be putting on their sacred. It's a weird thing that looks like-

46:18 Drew Do your friends have those?

46:18 Louis XIV Oh, yeah, sorry.

46:20 Louis XIV No, go ahead, please, keep going.

46:23 Adam Here's what it reminds me of. It reminds me of like when you were a kid, you'd take some construction paper and you'd fold it in half, then you'd open it and you'd put some ink or something in and you'd fold it in half and pull it apart. It looked like a butterfly that had been eaten by a bear and crapped out. It's that look. And again, a beautiful woman. I'm looking at these women in the next room.

46:43 Drew It would mess this up.

46:44 Louis XIV Yeah, it would mess that up.

46:46 Adam We're looking at the album cover. And yes, the women I'm looking at in the other room are beautiful women. There's, oh, don't f with yourself and you're beautiful.

46:54 Louis XIV I agree.

46:55 Louis XIV I 100% agree.

46:57 Adam I will say this. What is that actress, Keira Knightley, who was in Pirates of the Caribbean or whatever, she's a beautiful, beautiful woman. I saw her on the cover of some Vogue or whatever magazine. Hair all chopped off. I mean, short spike. Now it's black. It was blonde and down to her waist when she did the Pirates of the Caribbean. Chopped off and black. Nope, beautiful woman, screwed herself up. You beautiful women, you're like, you know what, you're like amazing paintings. Walk away. You can't, while it's drying, you can't get in there and try to do touch-ups. Eventually you start screwing things up and then you got a Picasso. It's a disaster. Yes? To walk away. Yes?

47:39 Drew Run.

47:40 Adam Run! All right, I'm gonna go look at those tats now. Take a quick break. Louis XIV here. We'll be right back after this. Hey everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam.

48:08 Louis XIV That's Dr. Drew.

48:10 Adam Jason and Brian here tonight from Louis XIV. Name them. Best little secrets are kept and yestera.

48:16 Drew I was going to say thank you for those of you who are calling to discuss fears of pregnancy and no sex drives after delivering a baby. But this is for a show I'm doing for Discovery Health Channel, a television show. So when you call, realize we're going to be interviewing you and trying to get Sean TV to talk about fears you have about pregnancy or having sex during pregnancy and or some drop or change in your sex drive after you delivered a baby. And then finally, I'll be in here tomorrow night at 830 Pacific Time talking about drugs that have screwed up your sex drive.

48:42 Adam We were talking amongst ourselves about what women should do and shouldn't do as far as helping the guys out. And I know in terms of making guys attracted to you mean. Well here's the thing ladies. I know you hide behind that sort of veneer of BS, which everything is done for yourself. You buy the panties.

49:03 Drew No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

49:04 Adam For you, you do it for you.

49:05 Drew They actually do. They actually feel that way.

49:07 Adam I think they've talked themselves into it.

49:09 Drew Because I've talked to those women lately, and then they get angry when their partners don't empathize with that. You don't understand me. I have to feel pretty in order to be sexual.

49:19 Adam Drew, this isn't about you.

49:20 Drew No, this isn't about me. I don't care if you have to feel pretty. I don't have to.

49:26 Adam By the way, that's not the Drew I know on the road.

49:28 Drew Don't worry. I'll be back.

49:30 Adam The point is women say one thing and do something else. The rap, whether it's true or not, and I do believe they've talked themselves into it a little bit, but the rap is, I buy the lingerie for me. I buy it so I feel beautiful. If you want to get back at me, you say, this isn't about you, Adam. You get to throw the joke right back on me. See? Windows shut and painted closed now. But you're saying that's the rap, but then they spend hours in front of the mirror before they go out to the club and they get vindictive. No, they go at it with other women and they do the lipo and they do the collagen injection. And they...

50:10 Drew To compete.

50:11 Adam Okay, to compete for what? For what?

50:15 Drew For males.

50:16 Adam With other women for males. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, what you're saying is...

50:20 Drew Remember Jenny McCarthy said, she was here and she said, the thing when her spread came out in play, but her only concern was, will other women think I look fat?

50:28 Adam Right.

50:28 That's her only concern.

50:30 Adam No, I know. And you know, but here's my point. It's sort of like saying, we're on the Olympics. We're not going for the gold. We're trying to beat each other. Right. But the reality is, is we're going for the gold and we're beating each other. That's what women are doing. And women do a lot of, they waste quite a bit of time. And especially effing up their hair. And they go a little nutty with the makeup. Oh, here's the big waste of time.

50:54 Drew And the nails.

50:55 Adam Fingernails. Tell that to the black mamas. I got unicorns and the 3D and sparkly rainbow tape and everything like ass is big as a Winnebago. But hey, I see that-

51:05 Drew Holograms over each of the nails.

51:07 Adam Yeah. Let's see. What sign are you? Gemini. I see a painted on your index finger there. I'm in. I'm going to ignore that metric tongue worth a caboose you're dragging behind you. But I see those three tone airbrushed fingernails. I'm in. Yeah. Guys aren't into that. And I feel compelled to tell women even though magically they don't care about what guys think, although they spend a lot of time caring about what guys think. I feel compelled every once in a while to tell them what we care about, what we don't care about.

51:34 Drew Here we go. What do we care about?

51:35 Adam Fingernails out.

51:36 Drew What do we care about? We got the out. What's the in?

51:39 Adam Guys, I think like longer hair in general. When you get it chopped off, we got problems.

51:46 Drew Although that's got to be sort of age appropriate. You know, I don't like, I don't like.

51:49 Adam Yeah, you know, I don't want one of my mom's friends coming in looking like Charo. So it's always a disaster. But yeah, but yeah. Well, yeah. But here's what I know.

51:58 Drew Longer hair is more feminine, more attractive.

51:59 Adam Well, you get to a certain age, you get off our list. So, you know, go ahead and shave your head. We don't give a rat's ass to do whatever you want. Well, let's be realistic. I'm just saying it's a young woman's game. That's all I'm saying.

52:11 Drew Older women are great.

52:12 Adam They're fantastic.

52:13 Drew No, I don't mean older.

52:15 Adam I see all those magazines, but, yeah, no, older women are fantabulous, but we don't care what you do when you get a little older. Do your own thing. All right. No, we don't want someone with you look crazy when you're 55 and you have the waist length, blonde hair. Your hair should be sort of appropriate. Yeah. I'm fine with that.

52:33 Drew Generally, the longer the more sexual.

52:35 Adam Yeah, I'm talking about what a 25 year old woman should be doing, not, you know, post-menopausal Sandy Duncan.

52:42 Drew What else? All right.

52:43 Adam Longish hair. Longish hair. Good. All right. Take it easy on the makeup, the sort of Barbie doll makeup, the collagen and the sort of where you start looking like a mannequin.

52:54 Drew Don't fetishize yourself. Right. Yeah.

52:57 Adam Yeah. Yeah. There's, there's people, there's a lot of, see, you think that guys are into Pam Anderson. Those are stupid guys who wear those greasy bang from the Midwest, the fat blockhead guys with the greasy bangs and the super tight chokers that turns their head red, makes their, makes them look from like a 10-gallon head to a 15-gallon head. Those idiots are the guys who like that.

53:18 Drew Yeah.

53:18 Adam They like a woman. And look, I wouldn't, I wouldn't kick her out of bed. But most guys like a woman that's a little softer around the edge.

53:27 Drew I completely agree. All right.

53:28 What else?

53:29 Adam Well, first off, you guys can join in and go ahead and say what you like.

53:33 Drew They're, they're into symmetry. Guys. Probably more than anything else.

53:38 Adam Yes. We don't need one, you know, we don't need the crazy boobs sticking. I do, but most guys don't need the crazy boobs that arrive 10 minutes before you do and zero ass. We like a well proportioned woman.

53:50 Caller Right.

53:51 Adam We don't need the workout crazy woman. I don't need to see veins in your stomach. You know, I don't need the big veins in the shoulders and in the stomach. I know you guys sort of appreciate that. Women sort of appreciate that on other women. More of a respect. Like, oh, I'll spend nine hours in the gym. That's crazy. And she doesn't... lives off of creatine and...

54:10 Louis XIV Yeah, you want a woman to be soft.

54:12 Adam Yeah, absolutely.

54:13 Louis XIV Soft and...

54:14 Adam Yeah, I like to see a bell... I like to see a belly button. It's got a little depth to it.

54:18 Louis XIV Yeah, I agree.

54:19 Adam That's a crazy weird outie with the 12-pack in the veins, you know, freaked out.

54:24 Louis XIV You can't taint the parts of your body that a man appreciates the most. The breasts, stomach, face, legs, ass. Don't put rings in or, you know, permanent things on them.

54:37 Adam Yeah, don't draw on them. Don't put holes in them.

54:40 Louis XIV The lip ring, though, it's just... Whoever invented that, you should be sure. I can't stand it.

54:47 Adam Now, the lip ring is distracting and painful looking. It reminds me of just a trout.

54:52 Louis XIV You don't want to get this fat. A trout.

54:56 Adam No, I think of past competitions when I see that. It's a disaster. I think that lip ring is going to get caught on my C ring, and we're going to have to go to the hospital. We'll have to be airlifted into the hospital that way. Very embarrassing. All over the tabloids. All right, the other thing, and I know we touched on it with the long hair, but don't F with the hair too much, because when you keep F-ing with it over and over, it just sort of starts falling apart.

55:22 Drew No, no, not too big, not too short, not too dyed.

55:25 Adam You figure out what's a good look for you and kind of stick with it. Don't dye it back and bleach it out and do all that. It ends up looking sort of sunblasted and dried out and screwed up. We like it to sort of hang there, not stand there.

55:37 Drew What about lingerie and that kind of thing?

55:40 Adam Fine, but all guys, and here's the sad truth about guys, we'd much rather have the ass on the Louis XIV elm cover, which is a beautiful one, by the way, packed into our underpants.

55:54 Louis XIV Yeah, I agree.

55:56 Adam Than a badass in the world's greatest lingerie. Yes, sad but true. So there's not really a whole lot. You're not going to... bells and whistles aren't really going to cut it. You want to make some inroads. How about a back rub? Go ahead and change the oil in the van. Come on, get busy.

56:15 Drew I think what women don't realize also is that men like it when you're aroused, when the woman is aroused by being with the man.

56:21 Adam Right.

56:21 Drew The enthusiasm. That's like, oh, who?

56:23 Louis XIV Yeah, that'll work every time.

56:25 Adam Yeah, so if you're a good solid five in the looks department, go ahead and step it up in terms of the enthusiasm in the bedroom. That's nice. And let's see, the real shocking things, like the ones that have the piercing blue contact lenses and stuff, you know, the more you start, you start looking like a guy. Here's a guy's biggest concern. We're going to get drunk and get hooked up with a hee-shee, like a transvestite. So the closer you look to that, the more frightened we are.

56:53 Drew I think the theme behind that is, it's all the makeup and whatever, the costume is going to be somebody different than who I think I'm hooking up with.

57:02 Adam Yeah.

57:02 Drew Right. It's something lurking beneath.

57:04 Adam Oh, yeah.

57:05 Drew That's scary.

57:06 Adam Right. What are you covering? What are you compensating for? Is it a snapping turtle?

57:09 Drew Is it a penis? Is it a vagina? What's it?

57:10 Adam Right. What am I going to? What am I going to grab? A snapping turtle.

57:13 Drew All right.

57:15 Adam So less is more. Right.

57:18 Louis XIV Yeah. Yeah.

57:18 Drew Generally. Yeah.

57:19 Adam Generally less is more. And here's the here's the last one. Do not try to in the same.

57:25 Drew By the way, not nothing.

57:26 Adam Not nothing. Just less is more. Yeah. We don't need we like we like you to smell nice. We don't need to be clubbed over the head with your perfume and that kind of stuff. You know, don't don't don't don't hit us with all cylinders. The other thing is is figure out your shape, figure out your strengths and your weaknesses, and don't try to transform yourself into something you're not. You're not going to be one of the Barbie twins if that's not what you look like. You know, and when you try to shove yourself into that mold, it ends up being a disaster. We want to see the best version of you we can see. Yes. Yes. All right. All right. Now you call in and judge.

58:00 Louis XIV No, we'll give out a picture and we'll judge you. Right.

58:05 Drew That might say Germany or Florida, Germany or Florida.

58:08 Adam This game is sweeping the nation. It is it's it's the biggest game no one's ever heard of. It's all bizarre stories emanate from either Germany or Florida. The people call in, they tell us the story, and then we guess, is it Germany?

58:22 Drew No, we tell them we tell them in Florida.

58:25 Adam And then oftentimes we're wrong. Is it Germany or Florida? Go ahead, Lisa.

58:29 Hi. All right.

58:31 Adam Yeah.

58:31 Caller A middle school golf coach was arrested after hanging from the ceiling in the school gymnasium and watching a 20 year old female gym teacher and two students undressed in the girls locker room and shower area. When the gym teacher spotted him climbing down from the ceiling, she asked what he was doing. He claimed he was planning to scare them by throwing a basketball down on them. But she noticed that he was not carrying a basketball at the time. According to police, he had had an unobstructed view of her office, her private bathroom, and could see the girls' locker room and shower area by peeking through holes in the air vents. He has been charged with three voyeurism crimes and suspended without pay. Ironically, the suspect was a replacement for a teacher who was fired last year for asking a 16-year-old for oral sex.

59:13 Louis XIV Oh, Florida.

59:15 Drew Yeah, that part put it back in Florida.

59:18 Adam At least he asked.

59:20 Drew Yeah, you don't assume.

59:22 Adam Who says chivalry is dead?

59:24 Drew Of course, in Florida, it's alive and well.

59:26 Adam Felt like Florida.

59:27 Drew Felt Germany with the voyeurism, though.

59:28 Adam Voyeurism?

59:29 Louis XIV Basketball big in Germany?

59:31 Drew Oh, good point.

59:32 Adam They do. There are quite a few guys in the NBA these days that are coming out of that part of the world.

59:37 Drew But the last bit just slammed it into Florida.

59:40 Adam Yeah, I think we all felt Florida. Although, yeah, voyeurism, Germany, Florida just should be raping.

59:46 Drew Yeah, well.

59:47 Adam Voyeurism in Florida is what you see on your way to rape.

59:51 Drew Right.

59:51 Adam It's like just like a rhino charging a jeep, what that looks like before they actually crash in.

59:56 Drew That's what voyeurism is. And also in Florida, the serial nature of this, where you can't hire someone who doesn't do this. That doesn't feel.

1:00:03 Adam That feels like Florida.

1:00:04 Drew All right.

1:00:04 Adam We all go in Florida. I feel Florida. I'm going to Florida.

1:00:07 Drew All right.

1:00:07 Adam We feel Florida, Lisa.

1:00:09 Louis XIV You guys are right. It's Florida.

1:00:10 Louis XIV Yeah. Thank you.

1:00:13 Adam That's why Drew corrected me when I said we guess. He said, no, we tell them. That is Florida, everybody. Fantabulous. I don't know. Look, I know this sounds horrible, but a bunch of hot 16 year olds running around in those tight shorts.

1:00:26 Louis XIV It's got to be tempting.

1:00:27 Adam Working up a sweat and then you just.

1:00:29 Louis XIV I can be a teacher, I don't think.

1:00:31 Adam Hit the showers, ladies. I'll be right back. You're just pacing around, staring at that big clock on the scoreboard. Yeah. Yeah. Mm hmm.

1:00:40 Mm hmm.

1:00:41 Adam All right. Christina.

1:00:44 Yeah. Hi.

1:00:45 Drew Oh, boy.

1:00:46 Adam Oh, you know, 19 little girl voice sounds three.

1:00:50 What's going on?

1:00:51 Drew Oh, Christina. What happened?

1:00:53 Adam Well, wait a minute. Maybe she's just small in stature.

1:00:55 Drew No, no.

1:00:56 Adam Christina, do the alphabet song for us.

1:00:59 Drew A, B, C, D.

1:01:03 Adam Please do it for us.

1:01:05 A, B, C, D, C, F, C.

1:01:09 Louis XIV I love it. Yeah.

1:01:10 Adam It's good.

1:01:11 Drew OK, Christina, what happened?

1:01:12 Adam The other one we say. Oh, more. Say more. More jello, please. With a.

1:01:17 More jello, please.

1:01:19 Adam Yeah. Now say one.

1:01:20 Louis XIV That's adorable.

1:01:21 Adam Say one. Say one.

1:01:23 Drew Anderson takes it to some weird, weird place.

1:01:25 Adam All right. Just just for Anderson. I want to ride the pony, daddy.

1:01:30 I want to ride the pony, daddy.

1:01:33 Adam Yeah.

1:01:34 Drew Now do it with a 20 year old.

1:01:35 Adam Do it with some enthusiasm. Do it with some enthusiasm. And action.

1:01:40 I want to ride the pony, daddy.

1:01:42 Adam Oh, yeah. That's a 19 year old person. Oh, that's great.

1:01:47 Drew So what happened when you were three?

1:01:49 Nothing.

1:01:50 Louis XIV Oh, please.

1:01:53 Drew What? Nothing what?

1:01:53 I knew I was in trouble.

1:01:55 Adam No, no sexual abuse at any age.

1:01:59 No, the only thing was my dad was drunk when I was young, but that was it.

1:02:04 Drew Well, he was drunk a lot of the time when you were young?

1:02:06 Yeah, yeah, but he's sober now.

1:02:09 Drew How old was he when you got, how old were you when he got sober?

1:02:12 Um, ten, eleven.

1:02:16 Drew I would venture, Christina, something happened during some of his drunken phase.

1:02:21 You think like, like kicking holes in things, but that's it.

1:02:26 Drew So scaring the crap out of you.

1:02:27 No, like abuse or anything.

1:02:28 Adam Climbers or walls.

1:02:29 Drew Scaring the crap out of you, basically. Terrorizing you a little bit, right?

1:02:32 Yeah. Yeah, it scared me.

1:02:34 Drew And did you ever go out into the neighborhood or were you ever victimized by anybody, you know, where you ever, did other kids play doctor with you, this sort of thing?

1:02:42 Um, I had an incident where a guy got in my boot in high school when I was a kid.

1:02:47 Drew No, no, no, no, no, no.

1:02:49 Adam That one's a good three or four. Well, hold on a second.

1:02:51 Drew It'd be hard to remember. She's so, sounds so little.

1:02:54 Adam I know, I know this, this sounds like, you know, a candidate for sexual abuse, but her dad was an alcoholic and he was rageful.

1:03:02 Drew There was a lot of terror. I get it, but here's the thing. This is so classic for what we are accustomed to hearing with sexual abuse is that, is that when there's terror in the home, those kids become great victims by babysitters and neighbors, that kind of thing.

1:03:15 True. I listen to you guys all the time.

1:03:17 Adam Okay. Well, all right. But I'm just hearing victim. I'm not necessarily a victim, but anyway. So how are you stature wise? I'm five feet tall. Five feet tall.

1:03:31 Yeah. Yeah. And I weigh 120. I just lost a bunch of weight. I used to be a big girl.

1:03:38 Adam Oh yeah. Listen, here's the thing.

1:03:40 Drew Once again, another thing for the sexual.

1:03:41 Adam If you're wide load, you got to either change your voice or lose weight because you can't.

1:03:46 Drew Tiny.

1:03:47 Adam You can't have that voice. That's like Mike Tyson. Yeah. Get over here, buddy. I'll kick your ass. Give a good ass kick. And I hang this phone up, put a smack down on your ass and the Tyson shows up. But anyway, anyway. So what's the question? What's going on?

1:04:02 Okay. My boyfriend and I, we have sex a lot.

1:04:07 Drew And how long have you been with your boyfriend? Hang on. How long have you been with him?

1:04:10 Three months.

1:04:11 Drew And how old is he?

1:04:13 He's 19, two.

1:04:15 Drew All right. Go ahead. And?

1:04:17 He was diagnosed with epilepsy and he takes medication for that and for sleeping. And there are times when we do it and he can't bust. And I was wondering.

1:04:30 Louis XIV I've never heard it called bust.

1:04:31 Adam Wow. All right. And could that be his medication or is that epilepsy?

1:04:37 I don't know, because sometimes he says he can't bust. It's when the night before he'll take his sleeping medication. But other than that, when he just takes his seizure medicine, I like it doesn't happen or anything.

1:04:51 Adam Yeah. I'll tell you, if I couldn't bust, just work that I want to ride the pony daddy line in.

1:04:56 Louis XIV Yeah, that would work anytime.

1:04:58 Adam I'd be like, here's what it would be like.

1:05:01 Other than the little voice, I'm the manliest chick you know. I love beer, I love football, anything like that.

1:05:09 Drew Sure, sure. Whatever.

1:05:11 Adam All right. I'm not trying to think if that's a good thing or not.

1:05:15 Drew Yeah.

1:05:15 Adam All right, so listen here, Pixie Stick. I don't know what the answer to this is. It's probably a good thing. What are you using for protection?

1:05:26 Condoms and birth control.

1:05:28 Drew All right.

1:05:28 Adam Use them both?

1:05:29 Drew Yeah.

1:05:29 Adam Are you going to go to school? What are you doing?

1:05:32 I go to community college.

1:05:35 Adam Oh, sweetie, remember, junior college, not community college. Community college makes it okay. Junior college, yeah, is right.

1:05:43 Louis XIV It's better than not going to school, right?

1:05:46 Drew Not according to Adam.

1:05:47 Adam Not if you get a job. No, it's better than sitting home and just lighting off fireworks, yeah. But not really anything, you know. If you're working, it's better to have a job.

1:05:58 Louis XIV So is she, are you worried that, you know, that has a problem with something?

1:06:02 Drew You've already answered your own question. You said he takes a certain medicine, then he can't have an organ. There you go. That's a common thing.

1:06:08 I didn't know if it was just one or the other.

1:06:11 Drew No, it's the medicine. I think it's a very good bet that it's the medicine. You, so it looks like a rose, smells like a rose. All right.

1:06:17 Adam Don't...

1:06:19 Drew Quacks like a duck, sounds like a...

1:06:20 Adam Yeah, smells more like bleach, actually. So enjoy this guy, don't get pregnant, and you're still in junior college in five years. I want you to give us a call so I can yell at you. All right. Talk to you while Eugene, he's got a question for the band. Eugene, 26?

1:06:37 Caller Yeah.

1:06:38 Adam What's up?

1:06:38 Louis XIV How are you?

1:06:39 Caller I want to ride the pony.

1:06:41 Louis XIV Brian's over here.

1:06:43 Caller What's up? Two quick questions. First one is, I heard on MTV that Louis XIV thinks that they are the greatest band ever, which I will say, they are a seriously kick ass band. However, I was just wanting to know what their take on it.

1:07:01 Louis XIV We did not say that actually. We said that we were our own favorite band, which I believe is a different thing. I don't think we're the greatest band ever. I just think that we're a very good band that we happen to like. I don't think everybody else will agree to that, but we like our music. What can we say?

1:07:21 Caller Fantastic. That's good to know. But seriously, you guys are awesome. Looking forward to the Jimmy Campbell Show tonight.

1:07:27 Louis XIV Thank you.

1:07:28 Caller Awesome. Then the second one is, it's more of a broad question. I was wanting to know if you guys, if this is more towards Dr. Drew, what is it Chode?

1:07:39 Drew Chode, as I understand, is basically the perineum. It says Adam, Adam, you have a way of describing that area.

1:07:45 Adam No, I look at that as Spanish slang for penis. Yeah.

1:07:50 Drew But I think sometimes it means that, and sometimes it is as you call Anisburg and Scrotumville.

1:07:56 Adam Yeah. Well, here's the thing about the Chode. It's whatever it means to you.

1:08:04 Louis XIV Where does that term come from?

1:08:06 Drew It's Hispanic. It's out there.

1:08:08 Adam I think Choda, they should call me that in junior high, so I'm assuming.

1:08:12 Drew You've looked into it, yeah.

1:08:14 Adam I'm assuming they weren't talking about my perineum.

1:08:16 Drew Yeah.

1:08:17 Adam Yeah. Engineer Chris, what do you know, buddy? You're half Mexican.

1:08:20 Dude, I don't know.

1:08:21 Adam Anything?

1:08:22 Drew All right, by perineum, we mean the part between the gentle and the nice.

1:08:26 Oh yeah, I got that, but I don't know the Spanish.

1:08:28 Adam Yeah. Well, put it, get on the Google there. See what you can find out.

1:08:33 Drew After you look up Natalie Portman's education.

1:08:34 Oh, I got that.

1:08:35 Drew Okay, good.

1:08:36 Yeah, she's going to Harvard or she already went.

1:08:38 Adam All right, there you go, Drew. Drew was talking smack about Natalie Portman that turned the break. But here's the thing about Drew is Drew is so married to the college system that if somebody says they're going to an Ivy League, then Drew's sort of screwed because.

1:08:54 Drew I'm in, I've received everything I've said.

1:08:56 Adam Yeah, I can't be stupid and go to an Ivy League school. All right, where are we?

1:09:00 Drew We're taking a break.

1:09:01 Adam Yeah, one more.

1:09:01 Drew Yeah, a break.

1:09:02 Adam All right, wait a minute.

1:09:03 Drew We have to hear a song in the next section.

1:09:04 Adam Oh, Cokie has giant boobs. Cokie?

1:09:08 Drew Or Cokie?

1:09:09 Louis XIV Cokie Roberts?

1:09:09 Adam Cokie, it's a C.

1:09:11 Drew It's Cokie.

1:09:12 Adam Cokie. Yeah, what's up? You're 13, you have giant boobs.

1:09:16 Caller Yeah.

1:09:17 Adam What size you coming in at?

1:09:19 Caller D36. Bonesy, bonesy.

1:09:21 Louis XIV Jesse, you'll grow into them. Do not touch them.

1:09:24 Caller Okay.

1:09:25 Louis XIV Yeah, what do you want to get rid of them?

1:09:28 Adam You have back problems?

1:09:29 Caller I just, what did you say?

1:09:31 Adam You have back problems?

1:09:33 Caller Oh, kind of. I'm not bad or anything. I weigh like 102. I'm like 5'4.

1:09:38 Drew What's your question?

1:09:39 Caller I just want to know when I'm older, are they going to be like cute?

1:09:44 Drew Could be. It's hard to know.

1:09:46 Adam How tall are you?

1:09:47 Caller I'm 5'4.

1:09:48 Louis XIV 5'4, 102.

1:09:50 Adam Hold on a second, though.

1:09:51 Louis XIV You want to get her number? Is that what you're trying to do?

1:09:53 Adam No, she's 13.

1:09:55 Louis XIV She's 13.

1:09:55 Drew Adam's confused by the 36.

1:09:56 Adam It's not like she's 14.

1:09:57 Drew You're confused by the 36 part.

1:09:59 Adam I'm confused by the... Yes, when you're 5'4, 102, you can have a D cup, but you shouldn't have a 36-inch back. Although, once in a while, you'll go a little higher in the number to make up when you should go up in a cup. That's good. Cokie? Why 36 is sort of the number of someone who's got a little bigger back than 100 pounds. Yes?

1:10:28 Caller Oh, I don't know. It's certain types of bras. I'm always a D, though. A D 34, a D 36.

1:10:33 Adam All right.

1:10:33 Drew 34. 34 sometimes.

1:10:35 Adam Okay. Are guys hassling you, making fun of you?

1:10:39 Caller They're always like, oh, yeah, flash me, flash me, and stuff like that. They're always picking on me, or always trying to grab me.

1:10:47 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I pull you right out of public school and just start raising you in the basement. You're homeschooling?

1:10:54 Caller Oh, smart.

1:10:54 Adam Smart.

1:10:55 Caller I have problems at school. Why?

1:10:57 Adam What's going on?

1:10:58 Caller Well, I would just like a lie and stuff like that. I just cause trouble and stuff like that.

1:11:04 Adam Well, what does that mean? Start fires or argue with teachers?

1:11:08 Caller My parents like sneak out.

1:11:11 Drew Not go to school.

1:11:12 Adam You would cut, cut school?

1:11:13 Louis XIV Sneak out to meet with guys and stuff?

1:11:15 Adam Who would you meet? What would you do when you snuck out?

1:11:18 Caller I wouldn't do anything bad. I would like sneak out and not tell my parents and they get all like, yeah.

1:11:23 Adam Sneak out of, sneak out of school?

1:11:24 Drew What's your ethnicity at night, right?

1:11:27 Adam Your ethnicity?

1:11:29 Caller Oh, I'm white and like just white.

1:11:31 Drew OK.

1:11:31 Adam All right. And what was the deal? So you would cut class?

1:11:34 Caller Well, we're like Mormon.

1:11:37 Adam Oh, wow. And so I understand the part where you would sneak out. You sneak out of your house or sneak out of school?

1:11:45 Caller Out of my house.

1:11:47 Adam So they pulled you out of school?

1:11:49 Caller Oh, yeah. And then I'm going back next year.

1:11:52 Drew That's right. A lot of missing. Yeah.

1:11:54 Adam Yeah. Yeah. You just sneak out of the house.

1:11:56 Drew All right.

1:11:56 Adam Are your parents, are they normal? They sort of religious nuts?

1:12:01 Caller Not so much.

1:12:02 Drew Are you a Mormon?

1:12:03 Caller Yeah.

1:12:05 Adam I love that drop.

1:12:06 Drew All right.

1:12:07 Adam So, Koki, here's the deal. You're way too young to do anything about this.

1:12:11 Drew Yes.

1:12:11 Adam You can consult with a plastic surgeon or somebody like that. No, not now. Not now. Eventually.

1:12:18 Drew And realize that guys are just pigs and don't pay attention to how they treat you. And girls are going to treat you differently, too.

1:12:24 Caller Yeah, that's another reason I got it. Because the girls hated me. They called me slut and a whore.

1:12:28 Drew Well, they're jealous. Ridiculous. Bizarre, isn't it? It's bizarre.

1:12:31 Adam Well, why were they calling me slut and whore?

1:12:33 Caller Well, I didn't do anything bad.

1:12:35 Drew Because I actually looked.

1:12:36 Caller Give BJs or anything like that.

1:12:38 Adam I know. But here's the thing, too. I find kids are sort of cruel but predictable. And they usually don't just call you slut and whore just because they do it. And then there are people that sort of sail through life making friends and not getting in any trouble. No one hassles them. And then there's the people just my teacher hates me. Everyone always makes fun of me. And I always want to, and as sad as it is, I say, what are they doing to bring that on themselves?

1:13:03 Louis XIV You figure the guys are probably giving her attention. So the girls are jealous. And so that's why she's the slut.

1:13:08 Drew But still to go over the top with the slut and whore. Either they're not doing that. She sort of feels like they're looking at her that way. Or she is aggressive or obnoxious.

1:13:16 Louis XIV She's probably given into the attention, I bet.

1:13:18 Adam I just remember, I remember my high school days. I would, as many years ago, I would pull up my raccoon coat, my Stutz bear cat, 22 skidoo. You remember that back then, Drew.

1:13:29 Drew The raccoon hat was that long ago.

1:13:31 Adam 20s. No, it's coon skin. Yeah, no, this is the raccoon coat. I'm talking from the 20s. Yeah. Fred McMurray.

1:13:37 Drew With a little banner.

1:13:38 Adam Flubber stuff, yeah. But here's the point. Usually, 95% of the time, you can make it through school without drawing the attention, negative attention of your peers, if you navigate correctly. The ones that's sort of drawn out seem to bring it out, and in a way, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and then you got a Columbine situation on your hands. Right. There are ways to do it, and blaming everyone else is not really the way to do it. Figure out what you got to do.

1:14:11 Drew Everything in life.

1:14:12 Adam Even if they're bad people, figure out a way to navigate.

1:14:15 Drew I'm still looking for fears of sex during pregnancy, and people whose sex life has changed by pregnancy and delivery.

1:14:20 Adam True. I thought we had a break.

1:14:21 Drew Now we got a break.

1:14:22 Adam All right, hey listen, and Koki, call me...

1:14:26 Drew Five years.

1:14:26 Adam Call me an hour before you turn 18. I was going to say on your 18th birthday, but I figure it's going to take me an hour to shower and drive. So I want to get there right at midnight.

1:14:35 Drew All right.

1:14:36 Adam Well, and how's the law work? Do they look at when you were born or is it strike of midnight?

1:14:40 Drew Or is it when you're conceived? Well, I don't know, Adam, I'd save you nine months.

1:14:47 Adam Yeah, I need a note. I'm going to need a note. Okay.

1:14:49 Drew All right.

1:14:50 Adam You may be subpoenaed to just remember. You guys too, by the way.

1:14:54 Drew You witnesses.

1:14:54 Adam Yeah. Chris, you're cool. We'll take a quick break. I don't need to who's Adam. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:15:04 Louis XIV Hello.

1:15:05 This is your radio.

1:15:07 Louis XIV Loveline will be right back.

1:15:35 Adam Well, I knew too. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline of Adam. That's Dr. Drew. We got Jason and Brian here tonight from Louie the Vortine.

1:15:44 Louis XIV Hello.

1:15:44 Adam Gonna hear another song from the guys. The fellas will be performing tonight on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Well, I've been sitting here for a few years. I've not found anything that engineer Chris knew, but I do know now what his wheelhouse is.

1:16:03 Drew He's in love with Natalie Portman.

1:16:04 Adam Yeah, I really like her. If the topic is stuff he beats off to, he is a goddamn expert. He just rattled off every movie Natalie Portman did.

1:16:12 Drew Don Lors, Garden State.

1:16:14 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:16:14 Drew All right, well, we know. Let's get her in here. And come on.

1:16:17 Adam Yep. All stored up in the hard drive upstairs and then hard drive downstairs. That's where it's stored. Yeah.

1:16:26 Real quick.

1:16:26 Drew Let's talk to Celia.

1:16:28 Adam It's stored in the NARD drive.

1:16:31 Yeah.

1:16:32 Adam Yeah. Stored in Chris's NARD drive. All right. Oh, yes. We have a little. We're going to hear Louis XIV song, but we had a little Chode definition. Celia?

1:16:44 Yeah. Hi.

1:16:45 Adam What's up? You're 17.

1:16:47 Caller Yeah. You guys are pretty creative with what you thought a Chode was.

1:16:50 Adam You know the real definition. And by the way, you're 17, you're a chick and you're calling from San Francisco. So I've braced myself for a disappointment. And I'm not going to believe anything that comes out of your mouth. But go ahead.

1:17:02 Caller OK, a Chode is a dick that's wider than it's long.

1:17:06 Louis XIV That's believable. It's definitely I think.

1:17:09 Drew Yeah, that makes sense. However, I think the the generic use of the word found far greater meaning.

1:17:16 Adam Just the penis. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't think it's the taint area. It's the penis. And it's the Chode short for Choda. Did you learn that in finishing school, Celia?

1:17:26 Caller Yeah.

1:17:27 Adam All right. All right, baby doll. Thank you. And I'm sorry for ever doubting you.

1:17:32 Caller All right.

1:17:33 Adam All right. Bye. Folks are in a hurry. Yeah. So I got to do a hole. I got a whole national radio run tomorrow morning. I get off the air. Save my voice.

1:17:42 Drew Talk about Chodes.

1:17:43 Adam Yeah. Let's I got other stations to call. Do a little Chode clarification on. I got NPR. I'm going to be doing a Chode. And then the Chode seminar and the Chode lecture series.

1:17:52 Drew All Things Chode.

1:17:53 Adam All Things Chode. You've seen the show. Spun that off into another series where the maids, the maid from All Things Chode got her own show. So it turned into quite a lifestyle.

1:18:03 Drew Chode talk.

1:18:04 Adam Chode talk. Then there's the apparel, scarves. Yeah. Let's hear a song.

1:18:10 Drew Yes, please.

1:18:10 Adam Should we do that?

1:18:11 Drew Chode wear.

1:18:12 Adam What do we? Oh, we got the got another song.

1:18:15 Drew Yes, it is.

1:18:15 Adam Boy, someone's on top of their game here. I'm guessing that's a I mean, I should say junior producer, Lauren. Yeah. Here's a little something from Louis XIV called God Killed The Queen. Yeah, see the band knows. Band clued us in on when the song was going to end.

1:20:29 Louis XIV That's like a segue that's about to come up.

1:20:31 Adam So Chris argued with him, of course.

1:20:33 Drew Of course.

1:20:33 Adam The band, they were there. You guys were in the recording studio.

1:20:36 Drew Let's keep rolling.

1:20:37 Adam What's that, Drew? What do you want to do?

1:20:38 Drew I want to take some calls.

1:20:39 Adam You want to go look up some more Portman information?

1:20:41 Drew No, no.

1:20:41 Adam You don't need a computer. You got to enjoy Chris over here.

1:20:44 I'm looking for some pictures of him.

1:20:46 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:20:47 Drew Some of his picture.

1:20:48 Adam You'll just boot up the NARD Drive and you'll get whatever you need on it. All right. Let's keep going. Sarah?

1:20:56 Caller Hi, guys.

1:20:56 Adam 20.

1:20:57 Caller Hi.

1:20:57 Adam Yeah. What's up?

1:20:59 Caller All right. Well, I'm 20 years old and I'm not really interested in having sex with guys at all. I'm interested in guys in, you know, I'm not a lesbian or anything like that. That's definitely not the case. But I think it may be because of the fact that the very first guy that I was with, I was with, I was 16 until I was about 18.

1:21:24 Drew You're a lesbian. True. Please keep going.

1:21:26 Caller It was pretty unspectacular in the bedroom.

1:21:29 Drew Like, what does that mean? What did he do that was so unpleasant?

1:21:32 Caller He was just boring. That's about all. It wasn't anything completely unpleasant. It was just boring.

1:21:38 Adam All right, so that doesn't, shouldn't do it. But what's...

1:21:41 Drew It also doesn't focus what the problem was. I mean, he just was not responsive to you, was too quick, what was...

1:21:46 Adam She's angry at man.

1:21:47 Caller He was pretty inexperienced too.

1:21:49 Drew So what did he do?

1:21:51 Louis XIV At 16, how much experience can you possibly have?

1:21:55 Adam Yeah.

1:21:56 Caller Well, it was pretty much, he would just kind of do what he had to do for himself and then that was kind of it.

1:22:01 Adam All right, hold on a second.

1:22:02 Louis XIV You're explaining most guys, though.

1:22:03 Louis XIV I thought that's how you do it. Isn't that exactly it?

1:22:07 Louis XIV Yeah.

1:22:08 Adam No, it's, yeah.

1:22:09 Louis XIV What do I know?

1:22:09 Adam It's an episode of Survivor. You just do what you got to do. It's not to get voted off, that's all. I don't, Sarah's got issues with guys.

1:22:18 Caller I don't know.

1:22:19 Adam I'm getting that. What's up, Sarah? Where's your dad?

1:22:23 Caller My dad and I have a very good relationship.

1:22:26 Adam Ah-ha!

1:22:28 Caller Really? A creepy good relationship.

1:22:30 Drew Creepy good?

1:22:31 Caller No, not a creepy good relationship.

1:22:33 Drew Not a creepy good. Just a good, all right.

1:22:34 Caller Honestly, when I was about 10, maybe 11 years old, I found out that he was a recovering spectatic.

1:22:44 Drew Ah, interesting.

1:22:45 Louis XIV Yeah, we're getting somewhere.

1:22:46 Caller Completely, he's in recovery now and he is absolutely not on that path. I mean, he's a wonderful person.

1:22:53 Adam All right, yeah, I know he's a great guy. Everyone's great.

1:22:55 Caller I admire my dad to no end. I think he's one of the most amazing people I've ever met.

1:22:59 Adam All right. Now, I see now you're overdoing it.

1:23:02 Caller No, I really-

1:23:03 Adam Why? What's so amazing about him?

1:23:05 Louis XIV Besides that he's listening right now.

1:23:07 Adam Right.

1:23:08 Caller No, definitely not listening. He's very giving to other people. He's very compassionate and understanding.

1:23:13 Adam Gave him all cramps.

1:23:15 Caller Sex addict.

1:23:17 Caller He's just overall an amazing person.

1:23:21 Adam All right. How did you find out at 10 he was a sex addict?

1:23:25 Drew Good question.

1:23:26 Caller My sister told me when you're on vacation one night and I was very upset about it and I confronted him about it and he confessed to me at that point. And like we kind of had a family conference type thing.

1:23:40 Louis XIV So he was cheating on your mom.

1:23:42 Adam Was he cheating on your mom?

1:23:44 Caller He had before, but at that point that behavior had stopped.

1:23:49 Drew Yeah, hold on a second.

1:23:50 Adam Hold on. She's all up in her head. Look, when you're 10, you find out your dad's a sex addict and he's cheating on your mom with multiple partners. You're freaked out about men. You should be angry at your dad. And now you're all up in your head. He's the greatest. He's warm. Nobody's kinder than my dad at the time. But you're not allowing yourself to feel what your dad did. And I can see it in your attitudes toward men. I can't. I'm getting it. I'm getting it.

1:24:18 Drew I don't want to dissuade you from the path. And I'm going to. Yes, I will.

1:24:22 Adam Then be quiet.

1:24:23 Drew Okay.

1:24:23 Adam Go ahead, Sarah.

1:24:25 Caller When he was doing these things, though, I was completely unaware of what was going on because I was too young. But by the time I found out, that behavior had completely stopped. So I never got a chance to feel any anger toward things that I realized were going on.

1:24:40 Adam Yeah, all right. She had no feelings about it. It was just like, yeah, it used to be on the Pro Bowlers Tour, and now it's retired. Same thing.

1:24:47 Caller Well, it's kind of like trying to imagine what it would be like living in the 1500s. You don't know what it's like.

1:24:54 Adam Yeah, except for the 1500s were nine months ago, and the king was banging around on the queen, and you were living in the castle. And you know it too, whether someone tells you or not when you're that age.

1:25:08 Caller No, I know it to be true. He's told me that it happened.

1:25:11 Adam All right. So sex addict, what does that mean?

1:25:17 Caller He, I guess, he had cheated on my mom a couple of times with prostitutes.

1:25:22 Drew Yeah, it's a prostitute thing.

1:25:23 Adam Yeah, a couple hundred, figure a couple hundred, by the way, if you're going to go with the addict label.

1:25:27 Drew Yeah.

1:25:28 Adam Because other than that, you're just a dude who travels.

1:25:30 Caller I don't know how many it was, but-

1:25:32 Adam All right. And what's he do for a living?

1:25:35 Caller My dad is a chemical engineer.

1:25:38 Adam Chemical engineer?

1:25:39 Louis XIV Well, he gets freaky with the prostitutes.

1:25:41 Caller I like that.

1:25:41 Adam Yeah. Get out the Bunsen burner and the graduated cylinder.

1:25:45 Drew The irony, he's got the pen.

1:25:47 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:25:48 Drew Pocket protector.

1:25:49 Adam Bottle glasses.

1:25:51 Caller He's a very educated person, so it's not like my family is definitely not white.

1:25:55 Adam No, I know.

1:25:56 Drew But he's in recovery and he's a spiritual person.

1:25:59 Adam I'm going to leave him alone now. So you had a bad time with your first guy.

1:26:04 Drew By the way, she stuck with the guy for years in spite of it not being particularly sensational.

1:26:08 Caller All right. Here's the other thing. I stayed with him too long and by the time the relationship ended, he gained a lot of weight and I know this is very, it's very superficial.

1:26:20 Adam But go ahead.

1:26:21 Caller Right. There you go. Superficial. Thank you. But he gained a lot of weight and I lost interest in him physically.

1:26:27 Drew Sarah, you need to find out. You're super attracted to it. Just go for it. Yeah. Whether you have a relationship with him or not.

1:26:33 Caller I can't seem to find guys.

1:26:34 Drew Why not? Why?

1:26:36 Caller I don't know. I guess I'm just too picky.

1:26:39 Drew No. Wrong. You go ahead and be picky and present yourself to someone that you'll be fine. Where you condoms, birth control.

1:26:44 Adam What do you do? Do you work? Do you go to school?

1:26:47 Caller I go to school full-time.

1:26:49 Drew UCLA? Where do you go?

1:26:50 Adam Regular college, right?

1:26:52 Drew UCLA.

1:26:53 Adam Yeah. See?

1:26:54 Drew I just picked that.

1:26:55 Adam I know you did. She's calling from Los Angeles and we know she didn't go to junior college and like I said, Northridge.

1:27:01 Drew You will not have trouble at UCLA.

1:27:03 Adam You did the math. But you could have given Drew his props when he told you the name of the school you went to.

1:27:08 Caller That is pretty impressive.

1:27:09 Drew Thank you, Sarah. Thank you.

1:27:10 Caller I thank you for the respect. So thank you.

1:27:13 Drew Well done.

1:27:13 Adam So listen, by the way, people always say, oh, you don't think I know the difference between a junior college kid and a UCLA kid, even one I don't really like and one I'm making fun of and one whose dad I'm picking on and stuff. I hear the difference in the voice, everybody. It's quite obvious. But here's the thing. Drew's not going along with me on this one because I discovered it.

1:27:34 Drew You can't be right.

1:27:35 Adam You cannot be. I'm telling you, dad, sex addict, everything's cool. You got issues with guys.

1:27:42 Drew I'll tell you why it's a little different. It's a sex addict in recovery. And that's something you rarely come across. I can't characterize for you what the impact of that's going to be on a kid. It's going to be something. And I agree with you. There's something here. I just don't know what it is.

1:27:55 Adam I'm saying I got issues and some anger and some distrust.

1:28:01 Drew Yeah, distrust. I'll give you that. Distrust of men.

1:28:05 Louis XIV She seemed like she was overly trying to say that he was this and that and great.

1:28:10 Drew She needs to have some fun. You guys, fun. She needs to go have some fun with the guys.

1:28:14 Adam I have some dates.

1:28:15 Drew Go date, have a good time.

1:28:16 Adam Don't examine, you're all up in your head. But on the other hand, so far up in your head that you're sort of glossing over the past and there's some issues that are affecting the present. You're smart, look at them.

1:28:27 Drew Nominal though, not a big deal.

1:28:28 Adam No, no.

1:28:30 Drew I disagree with that. I think just life will deal with this one.

1:28:35 Adam She's smart and she'll be fine, but I don't know. Maybe you're right. Well, look, a little therapy couldn't hurt.

1:28:42 Drew Couldn't hurt.

1:28:42 Adam All right, we'll take a quick break. Be right back after this. Oh, really?

1:29:04 Drew Wow. I got to hear about that.

1:29:07 Adam I don't know.

1:29:08 This is for the drive home.

1:29:09 Adam Yeah. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Jason Bryan here tonight from Louis XIV. And let me tell you something, when I look at Louis XIV, I see a Louise X1V. That's what I see. I mean, really, I'm that stupid. I have to really work it not to see Louise X1V. You're no Natalie Portman. No, I am not Natalie Portman. I wish I was. I'd go home and take pictures of myself nude and put them on the Internet. And then I would see them. Oh, wait a minute. I'd sell them to Chris. And Chris, let me tell you something. What? 10 bucks an hour? Yeah, it would be about five years, about five years at work before you even saw a nipple. We would work it out. I'd come into her mom's house and torture you with my ass.

1:30:02 Caller It would be awesome.

1:30:03 Adam Yeah, it would be awesome. Yeah, I'd probably let him have sex with me and just hope somewhere in the middle I wouldn't change back.

1:30:10 Drew To Adam?

1:30:10 Adam Yeah. That would be horrible for me, but worse for Chris. Yeah. Yeah, I'd let you do me. I would.

1:30:20 Great.

1:30:20 Adam Yeah, I try not to talk.

1:30:22 I want to be the pony daddy.

1:30:25 Yeah, great hefe.

1:30:26 Adam Yeah, you put in a Star Wars. Everyone buzzed about the new Star Wars, by the way.

1:30:31 Louis XIV Yeah, you know it's just junk.

1:30:33 Adam I have to yell at all the nerds in the office. They're like, oh man, counting down the days till the new. I'm like, you said that for the last three, they're all blue. Why is it? Oh no, this one.

1:30:43 This one's going to be good.

1:30:44 Adam Yeah. Oh no.

1:30:45 Louis XIV There's no way.

1:30:45 Adam Darth Maul and Anika Skywalker now. No, this is a pre-pre-prequel. This is when it's like, you nerds buy into this line of crap every two and a half years. This one's going to suck just like the, oh no. Oh no, not this one. It's sort of that thing. It's that sort of, guy's the fan of the perpetual 500 team, but this year's the year they're taking it. They're going all the way, going to the Super Bowl. Why do people have to do that? In Star Wars, the first one was good for its time. The next one was not as good, and then they started coasting downhill from there, right?

1:31:22 Louis XIV Yeah, I think, yeah.

1:31:23 Drew All right, let's take a look. We have no time.

1:31:24 Adam The last two or three were unwatchable.

1:31:26 Drew Enough Star Wars.

1:31:27 Adam All right. Listen, you had to bring up the whole Portman thing.

1:31:30 Drew Yeah, you're right.

1:31:31 Mm-hmm.

1:31:32 Caller Yeah.

1:31:34 Adam Karen?

1:31:35 Caller Yeah?

1:31:35 Adam 24? Mm-hmm, why do you end up with guys who like rough sex?

1:31:42 Caller Yeah, you're right. I was taken advantage of when I was 16. I was with a guy who was 22. And we messed around, but I told him, oh, I don't really want to have sex. I want to wait. And he was like, oh, yeah, sure. Okay, yeah, that's fine. And then basically drugged my drink and took me upstairs and made me red pony.

1:32:04 Adam How do you know he had drugged your drink?

1:32:08 Caller Because my memory kind of lapses in and out of that night.

1:32:11 Drew Yeah, maybe he was drinking a lot.

1:32:13 Adam Maybe he was just drinking.

1:32:14 Caller No, I didn't. I had one drink.

1:32:16 Adam Oh, he went from I didn't drink to I had one drink. Yeah, did the guy pour it for you?

1:32:23 Caller I think so, yeah.

1:32:24 Adam You get a little heavy handed when you pour in the young lady drink sometimes, like the smear, the smear of a balsa and then eye dropper of orange juice into it. All right, Karen, anything before that growing up?

1:32:42 Caller No, no. Good family. No problems with the parents.

1:32:47 Adam Do you like ladies?

1:32:50 Caller Not really.

1:32:51 Hmm.

1:32:52 Adam Hmm.

1:32:53 Hmm.

1:32:54 Adam Not at all or a little bit?

1:32:56 Caller On occasion, yeah, but not that is not my preference.

1:32:59 Adam Drew's lesbian spidey sense was tingly.

1:33:02 Caller Oh, no.

1:33:04 Adam No. But yet on occasion, you're with a woman. What is that? And not enough is made of that in today's societies. Oh, you just, you go down on a chick every other month. Oh, I see. You're not a lesbian though. Back in the day, that made you a full blown lesbian. You're being with a handful of chicks now and again.

1:33:23 Drew Yeah, people are certainly more flexible with it these days, but there's something up, Karen. I'm not sure what it is, but...

1:33:27 Adam All right. So here's the thing. Yeah, well, Drew was talking too much about Portman. Here's the thing. A little rough trade is fine, but if it's, you know, the guy's breaking a bottle and stabbing you, I would have asked.

1:33:40 Drew And if it's a bad guy who treats you crappy also, it's part of a more general abusive strategy or presentation. Yeah, I'd look into this.

1:33:47 Adam All right. Abusive strategy.

1:33:49 Drew Abusive person.

1:33:50 Adam Good name for the next.

1:33:51 Louis XIV What is rough sex? Like rough sex isn't just having it hard or you like getting punched?

1:33:55 Drew We'll have to talk about it during the break.

1:33:56 Louis XIV It forces anal in a less aggressive way.

1:33:58 Adam Yeah.

1:33:58 Drew I think it's more of that stuff.

1:33:59 Adam I think it's crossing the line, otherwise you're not calling the shot.

1:34:02 Drew It's going to push her in the lesbian direction.

1:34:04 Adam Right.

1:34:04 Drew She's going to end up in Lesboville.

1:34:05 Louis XIV What is she saying is the problem. She just is wondering why she's with...

1:34:09 Drew Yes, why she finds guys in the show.

1:34:11 Adam She has a more overall problem though, which is...

1:34:12 Drew She finds abusive guys. Yeah.

1:34:14 Adam All right. We'll take a break. We'll be right back after this.

1:34:18 Louis XIV All right, guys.

1:34:18 Caller Here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:34:23 Louis XIV One call is all you need to make.

1:34:24 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:34:25 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:34:35 Adam Yeah. That's the show, everybody. Let me thank Louis XIV.

1:34:40 Louis XIV Thank you for having us.

1:34:41 Louis XIV Thanks.

1:34:41 Louis XIV Thank you very much.

1:34:42 Adam Nice to meet you guys.

1:34:44 Louis XIV You too.

1:34:44 Adam Come back anytime.

1:34:46 Louis XIV Love to.

1:34:46 Louis XIV Well, how about tomorrow?

1:34:48 Adam Yeah.

1:34:49 Louis XIV What do you do tomorrow?

1:34:50 Louis XIV We'll be here all week.

1:34:51 Adam Pepper is in here tomorrow. Yeah, from Police Woman. We're going to look into Pepper. It's banned. Oh, it's banned. Yeah. No, I'm into Pepper. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. Go out and get the CD. It's called The Best Little Secrets Are Kept and watch them tonight on Jimmy Kimmel Live. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:16 Drew I have to feel pretty in order to be sexual.

1:35:20 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:35:24 Louis XIV The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Tuesday, March 22, 2005