Episode 1000702067787

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:01 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:14 Voiceover This is Loveline. With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. There, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1-er. Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Dictionary Manager. Oh yeah.

1:34 Oh yeah.

1:36 Adam I was watching the Robert Blake verdict today. First of all, it's amazing how much mileage you can get out of a show if you're on it in the 70s because there's no other TV shows on. It's like, well, sure, if everyone remembers Barretta, it was a sort of mediocre to crappy show that was on in the 70s when there was two and a half other channels. We had no choice.

1:59 Drew Right. I mean, if you looked at the rundown of what else was up against Barretta in 1972.

2:04 Adam Yeah. Make room for Daddy and Farm Report.

2:08 Drew Right. My Mother in the Car.

2:09 Adam And Gillette Presents, Fire on Ice, you know, ex-Olympic Specialist, Gold Winner.

2:17 Drew Yeah, it's nothing. And really, if they're going to line something up, try to topple it, Bad Ronald.

2:23 Adam Right.

2:23 Drew Something like that.

2:24 Adam And once in a while, they'd have a Let's Rap. It's a forum where a chick's wearing like a koo-fee and she's got a big afro and they're sitting around, there's a fur, it looked like public access. Talking about the mayoral race in Cleveland. Like, there was nothing, there was nothing.

2:38 Drew So that means for the entire country on Thursday night, was it a Thursday night show?

2:42 Adam I don't remember.

2:44 Drew There were, you had three choices. And Barretta was one of them.

2:47 Adam Yeah, well that's the thing. Like I sit around the writers table over at Kimmel and everyone's like, oh, who saw 24 last night? I didn't see 24. You're not watching 24? No, how about the shield? No, I didn't see the shield. You're not watching the shield? You're not watching the shield? And then what about the contender? No, I didn't. Contender's awesome. A new contender. And it's like, I realize, yes, these people are not stupid. These are college-educated guys who write for television for a living. And these are very good shows that they're all very much fans of. It's just there's only so many hours in the day. But there's, I mean, the list, everything from the sort of, like I said, the 24s and the shields on the sir. And then the thousand CSI shows and all these things, these sort of one hour cop drama things. Then you head over and have all these home improvement shows. And then there's all these, there's all these, you know, then you got the apprentice and all this kind of stuff. And then there's all the documentary on Ava Braun and everything, it just keeps going. And then there's sports and it just keeps going and going and going. And I think, and I just, I was just sitting at the table today thinking about Family Affair. I was just saying, what a, what a full-blown, what a bummer that show was. What a full-blown bummer that show was. And I just thought, would a show like that make it 4 or 5 seasons? It wouldn't even exist.

4:10 Drew Are you kidding? The pitch to be laughed out of the room.

4:13 Adam Uncle Bill, today's baseball tryout is at the park. Can you take me?

4:24 Drew Well, Buffy, your Uncle Bill is a busy man. And you know, he has to take care of you.

4:31 I got to go to Taiwan on business show.

4:34 Adam French! Poor kids. They love their Uncle Bill. Tell you what, not traumatized at all. Their parents were burnt alive at a car crash. No problem, sir. Anyway, the point is, I started thinking about all these horrible shows we were forced to watch, all the cartoons, all this. The list goes on and on, but the point is, these shows wouldn't have lasted five minutes.

4:58 Drew Listen, for you and I.

4:59 Adam And hold on a second. The Brady Bunches of the world that everyone whacks is poetic about. It's horrible. Junk. Just so much fluff.

5:07 Drew Oh, not even fluff.

5:08 Adam You know what it's like? It's like saying candy corn is a good food.

5:13 Drew Because you ate it once when you were a kid.

5:14 Adam Because you ate it when you were nine. And you're like, oh, come on, it's good food now.

5:18 Drew I love it. I love that.

5:19 Adam No, it's junk. It sucks. It was horrible. Brady Bunch sucks. You go back and watch Brady Bunch. There's not a laugh. There's not even a smile in it.

5:27 Drew I wish people could appreciate the sort of vantage point that we have, the idea of the pitch of these shows. Somebody has to think of these things, think about it and go in and pitch them to networks that they were going to spend millions of dollars.

5:37 Adam I think they were coked up at the time.

5:40 Drew I got this. Listen, listen, just right over here. I got this great idea. You'll love it.

5:43 Adam Astronaut?

5:44 Drew No, no, well, that show was great. Wasn't the astronauts go back in time? But no.

5:47 Adam No, no, not back in time. Find some bottle on the beach.

5:50 Drew Oh, well, that one, that one.

5:51 Got the genie in it.

5:52 Drew I think we have, I think we have a troupe. Where should we go with this? We do have a troupe. Should we do a, you know, which show should we pick?

6:00 Drew, you gotta pick one.

6:00 Drew I can't think of one to do.

6:01 All right, well, don't start the pitch.

6:03 Let's get a nun that flies.

6:04 Adam Yeah, what's a flying nun?

6:05 Drew Right, a nun, a nun. Just bear with me on this.

6:07 Bear with me on this.

6:08 Adam Please, Drew.

6:09 Drew It's a nun. It's a nun. She has a habit. You know, this funny habit looks like paper airplanes.

6:13 Adam Yeah.

6:13 Drew I bet if she put her head into the wind, a certain way, she'd fly.

6:15 Adam They don't look like paper airplanes.

6:17 Drew Well, just go with me, just go with me.

6:18 Adam She put too much starch in hers.

6:20 Drew Okay, all right, whatever.

6:22 Adam You understand that's what happened to her habit. The habit hangs down around the neck. Hers was starched.

6:28 Drew And that's why it...

6:29 Adam That's why she flew.

6:30 Well, they...

6:33 Adam Michelle, get on that computer thingy and find out why Sally Fields flew in the Flying Nuns. She put too much starch in her habit and actually created an airfoil.

6:43 Drew Okay, I got one for you. You're a lesbian. Bear with me. It's World War II. World War II. A concentration camp. It's hysterical.

6:51 Adam Is this a drama?

6:53 Drew No, no. A comedy. Concentration camp. A group of international soldiers who are being held in a stalag. And then they're at the whim of this fat guard. Hysterical probably. And the guard is under the supervision of this crazy commandant.

7:08 Adam Yeah.

7:09 Drew It'll be great.

7:10 Adam Clink.

7:12 Drew How did that even go down?

7:14 Adam Alright, the point is that none of these shows would have stood a chance in today's market, no doubt about it. But in a way, well, not really. I was going to say it's like comparing yesterday's athletes to today's athletes.

7:25 Drew No, that's not fair. That's worthy.

7:27 Adam No, yeah, that's worthy because they still needed five guys who made the cut for the basketball team. Whereas now there's just so much competition, so many slots, everything's so much better. But here's what I'm saying. Robert Blake trial. Now, Blake, as everyone's still talking about Beretta from the late mid late 70s, crappy show. And again, like I said, there's no equivalent to that. The show's 30 years old. You would not know a guy who was on a show 30 years from now because there are five million shows. He was found not guilty. And seemed to be fairly evident that he was guilty, but he was found not guilty. And it's the same thing they do with all the court stuff. Same thing with OJ. It's like, well, they did not prove beyond a reasonable doubt that he was guilty. The system worked. Yeah, we didn't have any hard evidence. I mean, you take a trial and you get rid of a body or you get rid of a gun or you just don't have any blood spattered on you. You're walking if you have a decent attorney. Oh, people could have heard you talking about killing your wife. People could have had you solicit undercover agents who you thought were hitmen to kill your wife. You can do anything you want. You can take a video of yourself talking about wanting to kill your wife. No hard evidence, no hard. So it's just speculations, no hard evidence, which to me, if you had, the entire courtroom was gathered out on the curb by the restaurant watching them shoot it, watch them shoot the person. Obviously, we wouldn't need the whole system. The whole system is to sift through the evidence, which does not include videotape of the person killing them, oftentimes, and oftentimes, you don't find...

9:05 Drew That wouldn't be admissible if they had that anyway.

9:07 Adam Right, you don't find the person has the other person's guts splattered on them and stuff. You have to do a little, you have to hear some evidence, timelines, where the person was, motive, and that kind of stuff. Now, we can't really convict anyone unless we actually have gunpowder residue on them and the spatters of the person's blood on them. The fact that they wanted to kill them and left the place and were in the same place and there's no new killer and the prints are on whatever, doesn't seem to be anything. But here's all I'm saying, Drew. All I'm saying is, I've been saying for years now, what about the lie detector? What about it?

9:42 Drew What about it?

9:43 Adam What about the lie detector? We've had this lie detector, it works pretty good already. It's probably 95% of the Earth's populace couldn't really effectively pass this if in fact they murdered somebody. All right, maybe 90%. Who knows? Let's put the world's scientists on this. You talked about the functional MRI machine, we talked about the technology. The technology in terms of what we've learned about the brain in the last five to ten years is astronomical. It's through the roof. And people do this thing where it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa there. Hold on, hold on a second Orwell. We can't throw out this tried and trued system. We can't throw out the system that has a bunch of guys in Illinois on the death row. We have to let them all go because a bunch of college students figured out that none of them were guilty.

10:37 Drew And OJ walks.

10:38 Adam OJ and Robert Blake are out. They got a tee off time tomorrow at 730 Riviera. We can't throw this one out. Watch TV. Watch TV on a Friday night. Watch those 2020 shows. You'll see some teenagers been locked up for 10 years. They didn't do anything. Or some poor black guy was drifting through town. I'm taking a good look at our system. We seem to be about a coin toss. If you have money for an attorney and you got enough money to throw at your problem, there's a pretty good chance you're getting out of whatever it is. And conversely, if you're junky and you don't have the money and you get the court appointed whoever and maybe you ain't the right color and maybe you're not in the right place, there's a good chance you're going in. Is our system so perfect that it's beyond reproach? It doesn't seem good at all. I would much rather have the lie detector in place. And they do that like, first off, they do that thing. It's like, how could we ever possibly replace human beings? How about a calculator versus a ninth grader?

11:43 Right, right.

11:45 Adam We got machines to do stuff a lot better than people all the time. This could just be another one. And when you think about the jurors, you look at these people, you know, they always interview them. The chicks got like four different shades of hair and they're like chewing tobacco. And they're like in their fifties and they're wearing out, wearing out like a Budweiser windbreaker and a Dale Earnhardt button. And you're just they're going, I just didn't see. And you think to yourself, would you want this person picking out the restaurant you ate at tonight? Would you want them picking out the movie you rented? How about deciding what you wore that day? How about what music you listen to? Is there anything you would trust this group of people to pick out? How about the frames for your glasses, Drew?

12:26 Drew But the rest of my life, that idea.

12:28 Adam Would you want them picking the frames out for your glasses? You look like you got a Swifty Lazard. Would you want them doing anything? You know what I'm saying?

12:36 Drew No.

12:37 Adam No. Let's just get this piece of technology.

12:41 It already exists.

12:42 Adam It's been around for 40 or 50 years. Let's just put some final touches on it. Get the world's scientists together. In five years, it's done. We've tested it, tested it, and tested it. It's 97% effective. What we got now? 55, 60, 65. What is it?

13:02 Drew We don't even know.

13:03 Adam We don't even know. It doesn't sound so great to me when I look at these things. Boom. Right in and right out. And it's not just murder. Robert Blake, Michael Jackson, whatever. Some guy says he took a slip in a casino. He's suing for damages. We'll find out whether he slipped on purpose or not. Boom. Right up the detector. And it's just the same, just the same as the blood alcohol thing. If you don't take it, all right. If you say you're not going to take it, then it's just you're guilty. That goes down to positive. And by the way, in Capitol Fence ones, where we're going to put you in the chair, if you don't pass, we'll send you through a couple more times and then we'll do a little supplemental whatever.

13:41 Drew Nice.

13:41 Adam But just for most of the stuff, just pass it through. Wouldn't you be satisfied with that?

13:46 Drew Yes.

13:46 Adam And if you had this piece of technology that you knew scientists, that the world's scientists worked on, and it worked, and Robert Blake went through it, it's like, up green light. You'd be like, all right.

13:57 Drew There you go.

13:57 Adam Well, there you go. Well, we better start. Look, now we have a system where, oh yeah, Blake's going home, O.J.'s going home. You guys gonna look for the killer? No. What about the police? You guys going, no, we're satisfied. But you're satisfied that the guy went home. Yeah, yeah, but we're not looking for anybody.

14:16 Drew He was our man.

14:17 Adam He was our man, and he's at home.

14:21 Really? No, that's it. Yeah.

14:24 Adam You know you have a good lawyer, by the way. Man, do you know you have a good lawyer when you get off for murder. It's like, not guilty. All right, I'm going home. And the cops are like, well, we're done. You got a good lawyer.

14:36 I mean, just think about how good a lawyer you have.

14:38 Drew That was O.J.'s thing.

14:39 Adam I know.

14:40 Drew Even though he initiated a search.

14:42 Adam He's still looking. I know, he's moved to the Florida. He's got him tracked down to the Everglades. No, I'm saying, just close your eyes and think about how good your goddamn lawyer is when you go home and the cops go home, too.

14:56 Drew Yeah.

14:57 Adam Now we're done.

14:58 All right. I have a plot summary for The Flying Nun.

15:00 Adam Thank you.

15:01 Thank you. 1967, the large head gear on the 90 pound sister Brutale of the Covenants. Covenant in San.

15:10 Drew Sister Brutale. I beg your pardon.

15:12 Sorry.

15:13 Adam Yeah.

15:13 Can't read it. Can't read it far away on your new glasses. Puerto Rico.

15:17 Adam Yeah.

15:17 Enables her to fly in any stiff breeze.

15:21 Drew Her gift enables her to aid others. They all have it like that, Adam. They all do.

15:26 Adam Now, I'm telling you, hers had starch in it. The starch used to be a big thing, everybody. I don't know what happened to starch. You used to be able to ask for extra starch. There was tons of comedy about guys who got too much starch in their shirts and walked like the Tin Man. There was a lot of starch humor. Starch.

15:44 Drew The starch would snap.

15:46 Adam The opera singers would snap, would roll up in their face like a blind.

15:49 Drew What the hell? Yeah. All right. Now, Adam, you've been asking for this kind of cult.

15:52 Adam Destiny.

15:53 Drew We aim to please. Destiny's 21.

15:56 Hello.

15:56 Adam Yeah. Big boobs.

15:59 Yeah.

16:00 Adam What's up?

16:01 Well, you guys are wanting somebody to call with big boobs. So here I am.

16:06 Adam She should be on the blank, Jerry.

16:10 Well, here we are.

16:12 Adam Yeah.

16:13 Drew Yodeling.

16:14 Adam Yeah. I didn't I never imagined it would go like this. I thought it would be different. What's up? How big are your boobs?

16:23 Thirty six double D.

16:25 Adam Thirty six double D. How big is the rest of you?

16:29 Um, I'm five five and I weigh one hundred and thirty two.

16:33 Adam Mm hmm. One thirty two specific. I like that.

16:36 Drew Believe it.

16:37 Adam All right. Sound like a knockout. What's going on?

16:41 Nothing. Just listening to your guys show.

16:43 Adam All right.

16:44 Every night.

16:45 Adam Yeah, thank you. You have a boyfriend?

16:47 No.

16:48 Adam Why not? What a waste.

16:50 I got to keep my options open, you know?

16:53 Drew Oh, it's an opportunity cost, Adam. How dare you?

16:55 Adam Yeah. What options? Where are you going? What's going on?

16:58 Oh, well, I work at a massage place right now.

17:04 Drew What does that mean?

17:06 Huh?

17:07 Adam What does that mean? What kind of massage place?

17:09 I do massages.

17:11 Adam Hold on.

17:12 No, nothing like for medical problems or anything. I just work at a massage place.

17:19 Adam Yeah. So it wouldn't be any kind of a medicinal massage.

17:23 Drew You're not a massage therapist.

17:24 Adam Are you licensed?

17:26 No.

17:27 Adam No.

17:27 Drew You just rub people down.

17:29 Adam Yeah. What do you wear when you give these folks a massage?

17:35 Just whatever.

17:37 Adam Hold on a second.

17:39 Drew Let's recap. Works in a massage place. Works in a massage place and there she gives massages and she wears whatever.

17:48 Adam I work in a massage place. You're interviewing me, Drew.

17:53 Drew I'm sorry. Well, what do you do there?

17:55 Adam Give massages.

17:57 Drew What do you wear while you're giving these said massages?

18:00 Adam Just whatever.

18:03 Drew And, uh, I see. Very, very colorful, entertaining picture.

18:08 Adam Yes. You said to call, so I call. Destiny?

18:13 Yeah.

18:15 Adam So you just wear your street clothes?

18:17 Yeah. You can just wear whatever you want. It doesn't really matter.

18:21 Drew Doesn't matter? Why does it matter?

18:23 Adam Well, because they don't have, you know, outfits to massage out of.

18:27 Drew I see. They don't wear the white smocks or anything.

18:29 Adam No. And what what's your specialty? Do a nice shiatsu or deep tissue?

18:36 I don't even know what it is.

18:38 Adam This is a pro.

18:40 Drew Does she want to ask?

18:43 Adam Is there is there any kind of sexual contact involved?

18:46 No.

18:47 Adam No.

18:49 No.

18:49 Adam What? Do you get propositioned?

18:52 Yeah.

18:54 You do.

18:54 Drew Do you ever date these guys?

18:56 No.

18:57 Adam What if what if a guy said, I will give you five hundred dollars, but I need a little little help finishing off?

19:05 Would you help them?

19:06 No, I don't think so.

19:08 Adam No.

19:09 Drew And what kind of place is like in a mini mall? I mean, where is this place?

19:14 No, it's it's a Potosi, Missouri.

19:18 Drew Oh, it's not in mini malls.

19:20 Adam And listen, that's better. I thought she was going to say it's out on Carter Road or something. You know, it's out in Potosi. Let me tell you something about Potosi, Missouri. It's a little out of the way in terms of getting a rubdown, but it's worth the drive for destiny. For now, I'm talking about for us.

19:38 Drew No, no, but I mean to go to see destiny.

19:40 Adam Yes. Yeah. I'm just saying Potosi in general is a good place to get a rubdown. Destiny does great work. Yeah. A lot of people head over the hill to Burke Williams over here on sunset.

19:50 Drew That's a waste of time.

19:51 Adam I'm just saying if you just keep going about another twenty seven hours without stopping, hit Potosi, get yourself a nice fifty minute rubdown in Asana and it's just a short thirty hours back to LA. Destiny.

20:07 Yeah.

20:08 Adam How much you make?

20:10 Eight dollars an hour.

20:11 Drew Eight dollars an hour.

20:13 Adam This is this is sort of really I'm just I'm perplexed. But I'm intrigued.

20:18 Drew I'm intrigued of your carpet cleaning. This is the Missouri answer to that.

20:22 Adam How much now do you get tips?

20:25 Um, no, not usually.

20:28 Adam Wow. I can't. I can't for the life of me. I mean, I know where we come from LA. Where it's like, you know, you get your dog a cuticle push. Well, you're functioning your junk.

20:38 Drew Yeah.

20:39 Adam And some, you know, gay guys are slapping you with a hibiscus leaf. But what the hell is going on over here? Eight dollars an hour.

20:48 No tip.

20:50 Drew What do your customers pay?

20:51 Adam What do they charge for massage?

20:56 Well, usually it's around like 50 bucks for 30 minutes.

21:02 Drew For 30? What? What kind of, what other kinds of massages are going on in this place?

21:10 They say you just, you put like a towel around you and then you do the back and arms and stuff like that.

21:17 Drew You have a towel around you? A towel around you or the customer?

21:20 Adam No, no, the customer one does. Yeah. Yeah. Is this the million dollar baby? No. All right. So listen, Destiny, you got to ask for a raise because if you give someone a massage for half an hour and they're paying a hundred bucks an hour and no half an hour, but I'm saying, yeah, I know they get, they get 50 bucks and you get $4.

21:41 Drew It's not good.

21:42 Adam And no tip. They don't tip you?

21:45 Drew You deserve more. It makes you wonder how, this sounds like a ill-repute type of operation.

21:50 Adam Not licensed. Let me ask you something, Destiny.

21:53 Yeah.

21:55 Adam I'm going to try and ask some questions, see if I can get to the bottom of this. Is there an Asian broad at the counter?

22:00 No.

22:01 Adam No. Did they have one of those lamps that has the fishing string hanging down and the oil dripping down the side with the fake grapes?

22:09 No.

22:10 Adam No.

22:10 Any red velvet anywhere?

22:12 Drew Do they have tanning booths here?

22:13 Yeah, they do have tanning beds.

22:16 Adam Any beads separating any rooms?

22:19 No.

22:21 Drew But are they all under the same ceiling just with dividers?

22:25 Adam No.

22:25 They're different rooms.

22:26 Adam All right. Well, you demand a raise, yes?

22:29 Drew Yes.

22:30 Yeah. I was just doing it because I want to go to be a massage therapist. So then I just went there until I do that.

22:39 Adam All right, baby doll. Well, listen, I don't see why someone who's a five five one thirty two with a double D set needs to work at all. My world will just put you aside and worship you. You know what I love about the people who call this show, it's they're all like they're like game shows. Like, what's my line? Yeah. That's like, what you do involves tools. No, next. Are you are you someone we may have seen on TV before? No. Next question. See what she do true. Did you work in a, do you work outdoors? Sorry. No, we're out of questions. Sorry, flip them all over. It's fun. Makes it fun.

23:23 Drew Takes a while.

23:24 Adam Takes takes like 20 minutes to figure out what people do when they call the show, but it still makes it kind of a game. You know, it's like 20 questions. Yeah. Let me give you guys a forget it.

23:35 Drew What?

23:37 Adam Well, let me let me remember I've said this before, that the best person to do for that 20 questions game is Evil Can Evil.

23:48 Drew I never heard.

23:48 Adam And then they ended up doing it in the in a movie.

23:52 Drew Wow.

23:52 Adam They end up doing Ocean's Eleven.

23:54 Drew Oh, wow.

23:55 Adam Yeah. Yeah. But here's the thing. Many years ago, I discovered that Evil Can Evil was the greatest 20 questions person. 20 questions. You get 20 questions to pick out Einstein.

24:05 Drew Why is he the greatest?

24:06 Adam Well, I'll tell you why, because it goes like this. Is he celebrity? Yes. Is he a movie star? No. Is he television personality? No. Was he on a sitcom?

24:18 No.

24:19 Adam Is he a singer? No. But he's been on TV? Yes. And I would know who he is? Yes.

24:26 Drew Robert Blake.

24:28 Adam And he doesn't sing? No. Does he dance? No. Is he a musician? No.

24:34 Drew Newscaster?

24:34 Adam No. Yeah, you just keep going. It's no, no, no.

24:38 And the person like ice skater?

24:40 Adam No. So hold on. Not an athlete, not a musician, not an actor, not TV, not a writer, not, no, no. And it's like they're going, I know this person. I guarantee you know who it is. And that's how you get evil, can evil, everybody.

24:52 All right.

24:53 Adam Thank you.

24:53 Bravo.

24:54 Adam And they ripped it off in Ocean's 11.

24:56 Drew Bravo.

24:56 Adam Thank you. We'll take ourselves a quick break. Be right back after this. Yeah. Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Go ahead, Drew.

25:23 Drew Hey. I'm looking again for couples tonight who are newly married. We want to, for the television show Discovery Health Channel, if you call in tonight, we'd like to put you on TV discussing sexual relationships early in a marriage. Also looking down, looking for husbands and wives to sit down with me and have sort of a powwow session about questions about marriage and what happens in your sexual relationship. And then finally, one last thing, I'm going to be in here at 9 p.m. Pacific time tomorrow at 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, taking calls on cheating. If you've got trouble getting through, tomorrow night 9 p.m. Pacific time, tomorrow being the, what's the date today? 16th. So tomorrow will be the 17th? Tomorrow will be the 17th. So those of you hearing this tomorrow, it's actually today. St. Patrick's Day. Oh, St. Patrick's Day. I'll be at 9 o'clock instead of partying. I'll be here at 9 o'clock taking calls on cheating.

26:09 Adam Yeah. Let me scream something real quick. Everything reminds me of something that makes me angry. But I don't want to hear these goddamn hangover tips that end with...

26:19 Drew I've got the best one, Adam. I've got the best one.

26:22 Adam What is it, Drew? Pray tell.

26:23 Drew Don't drink too much. Or wait a minute, don't drink at all. No hangover when you do not drink...

26:31 Slow down. Don't consume too much.

26:35 Adam I know. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing worse than that. Each every year. New Year's, but they do on St. Patrick's. Suzy Valdez with hangover tips coming after this. And it's like, all right, what is it? Banana? My ass is going to be good. Put some potassium pills or eat a sack of flour. What's it going to be this time? But it's always like, well, you know, eat a nice meal and lots of fluids for every drink, for every drink you have. Have yourself a glass of water. And again, of course, the best tip of all, moderation. Hold on, by the way, that's not a tip. That's not a tip because it's like it's like when they do that. The only the only sure form of birth control abstinence. That's not a form of birth control. That's what two year olds do that in a crib. You know what I mean? Not the ones who call this show. But that's not a tip. It's not. Yeah, we have some we have some tips on travel safety. How's that go? Stay at home. These are tips. These aren't tips. You telling me not to do the thing that you're going to give me the tip about is not a tip. It's maybe a warning, but it's avoiding. But it's not a tip. Let me tell you, why not get the ultimate gas mileage in your car?

27:55 Drew How do you do that?

27:56 Adam Don't drive the car.

27:57 Drew Oh, that's infinity.

27:58 Adam Yeah.

27:59 Infinity gas mileage.

28:00 Adam Listen, let's just do, let's distill it all the way down. Kill yourself. You want to avoid cancer?

28:08 Drew Avoid everything.

28:09 Adam Kill yourself. Here's a hangover tip. Kill yourself. Do I get better mileage? You never drive again. Kill yourself. Yeah, you a-holes, of course. You don't drink. You're not going to get hung over.

28:20 Drew I think, just to make the logic consistent, just say, don't say kill yourself. I was too active. Say, don't be born.

28:25 Adam Don't be born. There you go. The ultimate hangover tip, never to be born. You should never hear these words passing my lips. Idiots. And by the way, what percentage of time does someone announce they got a nice tip for you that's a never tip? I mean, you know-

28:42 Drew 80%.

28:43 Adam 80 to 90% of the time. Does anyone ever give you a tip where you go, hey, there's something?

28:47 Drew Because guess what?

28:49 Adam There's none. You wouldn't know it.

28:50 Drew You wouldn't know it.

28:51 Adam That's right. That's right. Now, when I tell you to put a little swatch of Velcro on the back of your cell phone that goes up, sliding out of your sweatpants, like grease-lighting.

29:00 Drew All kinds of tips on this show, tips all the time.

29:02 Adam All right, thank you. Thank you very much. Susan?

29:06 Hi.

29:07 Adam You're 18?

29:07 Drew Now, Susan is the caller you took at the very end of last night, I believe.

29:11 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

29:13 First of all, I want to say that last night that Nancy girl didn't sound hot. She sounded like she had a big nose and hairy nipples, not attractive.

29:22 Adam Now, tell that to Drew's scrotum. Drew was very enamored.

29:28 Drew No, Nancy.

29:28 Adam Nancy.

29:30 She was a caller.

29:31 Adam The caller. Wait, who was it? Wait, who's Nancy? Yeah, the son's mainly just, it's all her. It's burning gas. She's like, no, F and Y.

29:44 Drew I don't remember her. What was the call about?

29:46 Adam Nancy was the one who called from Seattle who was 30. Want to know why she couldn't get the good man.

29:51 Drew She wanted a Jewish guy.

29:52 Adam Dropped the F-bomb a couple of times.

29:54 Drew Right.

29:55 Adam Oh, listen.

29:55 When a radio person's lying, saying they're hot.

29:58 Adam Yeah, Harry.

30:00 Drew They're not lying.

30:01 They actually believe in hot.

30:02 Drew You can just tell that they're not.

30:04 Yeah.

30:05 Adam She wouldn't pass my lie detector test, by the way.

30:08 Drew What's going on? It wouldn't work on her.

30:09 Adam No, it wouldn't work on her because she's delusional.

30:12 Drew Right.

30:13 Adam Go ahead, Susan.

30:14 Okay. Well, since I was 15, I haven't been out of a relationship early. I've had like 10 or 15 boyfriends.

30:21 Drew Yeesh.

30:22 And the last relationship I had was, I had an affair with this guy. He's 26. He had a girlfriend and a couple of kids.

30:34 Adam Sounds like a delight.

30:37 It sounds horrible, but we were really, really in love. And now.

30:40 Drew Sure, no, no, Susan, no, you're right.

30:45 I was in love with him.

30:46 Adam Okay, we'll go with that. So now what?

30:49 But now it's over and I'm really depressed and really like can't even go a day without, not without, like I can't function.

30:59 Adam Why is it over?

31:00 Drew Are you stalking him?

31:01 No.

31:03 I mean, sorry, sorry.

31:06 Adam Well, it's funny. I just gave my little tale of woe about Nancy dropping the F-bomb twice. And 28 seconds later, Susan dropped the F-bomb.

31:16 Drew She had to ring in with her version.

31:18 Adam F no. What? Hell no. Not going to cut it?

31:22 Drew I would just know.

31:24 Adam I don't understand that. But hell no, I understand. I don't know why.

31:28 Drew But F no.

31:29 Adam Are you guys still dating? F no. So it's more efficient to say no, really.

31:35 Drew Get on with the call.

31:37 Adam Yeah.

31:39 Drew Well, at least she had the self-awareness to sort of try to backpedal.

31:42 Adam To backtrack by saying fudge 10 minutes later.

31:44 Drew Well, that's what I mean.

31:47 Adam No, I know. Here's the thing. If you do drop the F-bomb or the S-bomb, you may as well just ride it out. You're going back and turning it into fudge or a Shamalama ding-dong doesn't really work.

31:59 Drew In fact, you know, it's kind of interesting. That kind of, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, makes me wonder about which kind of, you know, horrible stuff was directed her way. You know what I mean? As soon as she transgresses, doesn't matter.

32:12 Adam I didn't get that, but go ahead, Susan.

32:15 So I'm wondering if maybe things that have happened to me in the past has caused me to have this.

32:21 Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

32:22 Drew So what happened?

32:23 Adam What happened?

32:24 Like, um, the first guy I ever kissed.

32:27 Drew No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, before that, long before that.

32:30 Adam Kid, dad.

32:32 My mom's in the mental hospital.

32:34 Drew There we go. What did she do before?

32:37 What did she do before?

32:38 Drew What is she in for?

32:39 Um, schizoaffective disorder. I don't really know a lot about it.

32:43 Drew It's pretty heavy. It's a thought disorder, like schizophrenia, though not with all the prominent hallucinations, and it's a character illness. So there's lots of aggression and out-of-count and all kinds of other things.

32:53 Adam No, horrifying for a kid. And what about your dad?

32:57 Um, my dad remarried. I lived with him. And my stepmom wanted me out, so they kicked me out when I turned 18.

33:06 Drew What was your dad like most of the time?

33:10 He was, he was, he was a nice guy. I still have a relationship with him.

33:14 He's just...

33:15 Drew Am I right that, you know, if you... If you said anything bad to your mom, she would really lash out at you?

33:24 Um, I guess, yeah.

33:26 Drew I mean, this sort of...

33:26 Well, we didn't really get along.

33:28 Drew But when you said that F word, and then you were like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That was sort of such a profound reaction.

33:32 Adam Oh, but we have people do that on the show. They just catch themselves.

33:36 I don't want you to hang up on me.

33:37 Adam Yeah. So your dad's an invertebrate like my dad?

33:41 Yeah.

33:42 Drew I don't know what that means.

33:43 Adam Oh, okay.

33:44 Drew It's a palessopod.

33:45 Adam Yeah, palessopod. No, he's got no spine.

33:48 Drew Sled right.

33:50 I want to know how things like that can have a play in how I have relationships now and how to break out of that pattern because it seems almost self-destructive.

33:59 Drew It is self-destructive. It is self-destructive. It's basically one of the prominent features of the pattern that you're in is that people that are, people that are attractive to you are versions of your mom or your dad that were traumatizing to you in childhood. In other words, the things that made your mom sick were things that were horrifying to you as a childhood. That the sense of horror becomes somehow in our brain when we hit puberty, young adulthood. Those horrible things are converted into sources of attraction. And people have theorized many different ways about why that's the case. But I think it's just the fact that our brains do that. And it's thought of as perhaps a way of trying to finish unfinished business. And of course, your sense of who you would ultimately love was your mom or your dad. And naturally enough, that's what love is to you. And so that kind of person is very appealing to you. And to have to finish something that was so horrible and childish and try to make it right, it's very powerful.

34:56 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, listen, you don't sound stupid, Susan. But why did this 26-year-old guy break up with you? Or did you break up with him?

35:08 It's like we hated each other, but we loved each other. We were always fighting.

35:13 Drew All right. All right.

35:13 Adam Listen. Okay.

35:15 Drew He's an idiot. He's got kids. He liked having sex with you.

35:18 Adam Right. And you started getting attached.

35:20 Drew Hated, loved him. And interestingly, again, that sense of horror and hate and all that increases your attachment needs. As humans, we don't run into caves when we get scared. We run to other humans. And so the person you're going to for those attachment needs is the source of the horror. It really intensifies your need to attach to them. So even though you hated him and all this chaos erupted, that made you hold on even tighter to him. That's why I asked about stalking, because it's sort of a setup for a stalking situation.

35:44 Adam Susan, here's what we need to do. Get some therapy. Don't get pregnant for a while. Perhaps dabble a little lesbianism.

35:52 Therapy is too expensive.

35:54 Adam Alright, well do something. No therapy.

35:56 Drew Therapy is too expensive.

35:57 Adam Lesbians are cheap. Find another chick and off come the gauchos. I don't know what they wear. Here's a point. Susan, you can't afford not to go to therapy, little girl. Alright, then let's listen to classical music and take a walk. Just try not to act out. Don't do anything weird yourself and don't get pregnant.

36:20 Drew Another way of looking at this is maybe focus on your education. Don't have any relationships for a few years, so you kind of sort things out. Continuous single relationship, bad relationships since you were 15, stop.

36:31 Adam Alright, let's, uh, Amber?

36:35 Yes.

36:35 Adam 20?

36:36 Yes.

36:37 Adam 26 year old boyfriend won't have sex with you. Dating four months, only kissed twice.

36:43 Yeah.

36:44 Adam And he's 26.

36:46 26.

36:47 Drew You're gay.

36:48 Adam What? Yeah, could be gay. He's not gay. What kind of kissing? With the tongue?

36:54 Yeah. I mean, we kiss a lot, but just with tongue has only been about twice.

36:59 Drew He's gay.

37:00 Adam He's not gay. Now, a lot of, most women can tell by how a guy kisses whether he's a man of passion. Does he kiss well?

37:09 Yeah, he does.

37:11 Drew Does he have any, uh, moral or religious beliefs that make it such that he wouldn't want to be moving along with him?

37:17 Not that I know of.

37:17 And I know his family pretty well. None of them are like that either.

37:20 Drew What does he say when you ask him why things aren't moving along?

37:23 He says he's just not there yet, and it takes him a while to get there.

37:27 Well, that's true. All right.

37:29 Adam Let's, uh, let's try to break this down.

37:32 Drew What's he do for a living?

37:34 Um, he's, he works in a hospital.

37:36 He's an x-ray technician.

37:38 Drew Is he on medication?

37:39 No.

37:40 Sure.

37:43 Drew Does he have any medical problems?

37:44 Not that I know of.

37:45 Adam All right. Let's give a few possible scenario, scenarios. Uh, number one, gay, two gay, three gay, four gay, five gay, six gay, seven gay, eight gay, nine gay. Yeah. I don't have to keep going, but it goes into one.

37:57 Drew Many, many, many. Yeah.

38:00 Adam And, uh, one.

38:00 Well, he's been married and he's been divorced for about a year. And I didn't know if maybe that had something to do with it.

38:06 Adam No, no. I'll tell you what it is. There could be, there could be a sexual proclivity thing.

38:12 Drew Wait a second. Before you, let's just address this one thing.

38:14 Adam He was married before?

38:15 Drew Yeah. I mean, is there a scenario that a man can encounter a traumatic experience an adult male can have as a result of being sexual to the woman that would call him off sexuality?

38:27 Adam Yeah.

38:28 Drew If she exploded, if she caught on fire.

38:30 Adam No.

38:31 Drew Is there anything that could happen that would not have him?

38:33 Adam Women think of guys like they think of themselves. Like, he had a pretty tough outing with a gal about six months ago. That means he's going to now it's vengeance. It's vengeance banging time. Now you get now you're going to feel the brunt of his anger absolutely via his penis.

38:50 Is there anything?

38:51 Adam Is there anything?

38:52 Drew Now a moron runs through the wall while they're having sex.

38:56 Adam Your passion is starting to bleed through.

38:58 Drew But think about it. Can you can you even come up with a scenario that would call a guy off the hunt?

39:03 Adam Guys, if they have a traumatic relationship, are more eager to have sex with the next person they encounter. Unless the next person they counter is a couple, you know, four or five, four or five notches down from where they came from. And it's they're not really that into it.

39:22 Drew Then here's. Yeah, they shouldn't be dating that person.

39:25 Adam Yeah, but what happens is, what can happen is you're with someone, the love of your life, someone you're very attracted to and what have you.

39:34 Drew Watch out. Deep breath.

39:38 Adam What happens is, is that thing comes undone, you end up sliding down a few notches in your mind or maybe in reality's eyes, too.

39:46 Drew You're just desperate.

39:48 Adam Yeah, you're looking for a port in a storm. You hook up with somebody, your heart and mind is still with this other person. And the new person is a good four and a half when the when eight and a half went walking out the door. That now that's a scenario where the guy is kind of like, and the guy realizes ain't going to be around for long. That is set the hook.

40:08 Drew Right. That is a guy. I don't want to deal with the fact that I'm attached to this person. I don't want to be attached.

40:13 Adam I don't want to. Yes.

40:14 Drew They feel like I don't want her attached to me. I feel guilty.

40:17 Adam And it's like I'm going to rob. I'm going to rob a liquor store, but I won't use a gun in case I get caught. It won't be any big deal. It's like I'm not going to set the hook. I'll be in a relationship. We can go as long as we want. We can see as many movies as we like and eat as much Chinese takeout as we like. As long as I don't screw you, we're cool. No complaints. You can't convict me in any court in the light.

40:40 Drew That though, you're not seeing that guy every night. That guy's kind of around.

40:43 Adam So you got that guy, then you got confused sexuality guy, and then you got guy who is banging around and just has a conscience. Now, not really conscience, but what I mean is there's something going on in the sexual department with somebody else. He could even have venereal disease or something like that. You're just really not getting the straight story.

41:03 Drew That's another guy. That guy ain't coming over every night. He's going to show up once every week or two.

41:08 Adam Amber, which guy could this guy be?

41:11 Well, I don't think it's the gay thing.

41:13 Adam All right. I'll go with that.

41:15 Keep going.

41:17 I really don't know.

41:18 I mean, Are you attractive?

41:21 Yes. And actually the whole thing about her being better, that's not it at all because she's not attractive at all. And I know I look better than she does.

41:33 Adam All right. Then what about, did she break his heart? Did she cheat on him with her best friend? And yeah, Drew's probably right. But is he really pining for her? Is he longing for her?

41:44 Drew Or is he still seeing her?

41:46 Adam Is he still seeing her? Is it possible he's seeing her or somebody else?

41:53 It's possible.

41:54 Drew That's what this is.

41:55 Adam Then this could be it.

41:56 Drew And he could be a decent guy who just doesn't want to set a hook on you when he knows he's still partially in with this old one.

42:05 Adam Either way, we could speculate for another 15 minutes. No, that's what we're going to speculate for another 15 minutes.

42:14 He could be...

42:17 Adam You need to talk to him and figure it out. But here's the thing. You need an answer. All you broads, you do this all the time. It's like, he beats me and then he cries and then he makes on my chest. Well, did you ask him to stop? No. Well, did you ask him why he did? No. Feel free to ask. Or, no, here's what happens. I asked him what he's say. He wouldn't tell me.

42:39 Drew He was tired.

42:40 Adam He said he was tired. Yeah. No. You need an answer.

42:43 Drew Hey, now that, the reason you guys don't ask the questions is you know what the answer is and you're scared of it.

42:49 Adam That's a good point.

42:49 Drew So come on.

42:50 Adam All right. Ask and no answer is not an answer. And you have to not be afraid to hear what the answer might be.

42:57 Drew This guy has got to be still with that girl.

42:59 Adam Thank you.

43:00 Drew And by the way, this relationship is going on for months and months and doesn't progress for no reason. Uh-uh. Stop trying to make a reason, try to figure out why it happens. Go to the source.

43:09 All right.

43:10 Adam We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

43:13 This is your radio.

43:15 Loveline will be right back.

43:36 Adam Yeah, tell you what, gotta get it on. Ain't no choice but to get it on.

43:40 Drew Hey, I'm still looking for newlywed couples who are willing to talk to me about their sexual relationships and how husbands and wives sit down in a group and talk about it.

43:47 Adam Yeah.

43:48 Loveline.

43:48 Adam Yeah.

43:49 Kim. Yes.

43:51 Adam 20.

43:52 Yes.

43:53 Adam 30-year-old boyfriend has bad coke problem.

43:56 Very bad.

43:57 Adam How much coke is he doing a week, let's say?

44:00 Oh, he can go on coke benches for three days straight.

44:03 Drew That's an average binge. He's probably smoking cocaine then.

44:06 Adam Yeah.

44:06 He knows he snorts it.

44:08 Drew Really? Yeah.

44:09 He snorts it.

44:09 Drew You sure he's not smoking it?

44:11 Not that I know of.

44:12 Drew No, he's smoking it. Three day binges are smoking it.

44:14 Adam What's a gram cost these days?

44:16 To be honest, I don't know.

44:18 Adam Here it's cheap. It's like 30, 40 bucks a gram.

44:21 Drew He's smoking crack.

44:22 Adam I guarantee it. I got to get in a coke. It's cheap.

44:24 Drew What's your question?

44:25 Adam It used to be expensive.

44:26 Every time I bring up the fact that I want him to quit, he throws the hugest fit and gets all mad at me.

44:31 Drew He's a drug addict. He's not going to stop because you want him to stop.

44:35 I know, but...

44:37 Adam How long have you two been together?

44:38 Two years.

44:39 Drew Why are you with another drug addict?

44:41 I love him.

44:43 Drew Didn't she catch the nuance of that question?

44:45 Adam Yeah.

44:45 I'm sorry, what?

44:46 Adam Have you... Is your dad a drug addict?

44:49 No, nobody in my family is.

44:50 Drew But you've never been with another?

44:52 No. My mom used to be an alcoholic, but not anymore.

44:54 Adam Oh, okay. That was then when you're a kid in a sponge and absorbing everything, but not anymore.

44:59 To be honest, I never really knew she was.

45:02 Drew You knew.

45:03 Adam You feel it.

45:04 Drew I asked why you were involved with another addict or alcoholic.

45:08 I don't know. I didn't know at the time he was doing it when we first started.

45:11 Drew You're not answering my question.

45:12 Adam Well, you're being cryptic, Drew.

45:14 Drew Have you been involved with other addicts or alcoholics?

45:16 No, no, no, no.

45:17 Drew Never?

45:17 Never.

45:18 Adam All right. It's just 20, give or take. All righty. So here's the thing that I always hear Drew say over and over. You can basically just lay it down. Either he gets help or you split.

45:31 That's it.

45:32 Drew That's all you can do.

45:33 I've done that a couple of times.

45:34 All right.

45:34 Adam Well, that's time to split. You didn't split though.

45:37 No, I didn't.

45:37 Adam You lay down the law, but you didn't enforce it.

45:41 Drew The only thing that will get him to stop is cumulative loss and or a belief that he's going to die if he continues.

45:46 Yeah.

45:47 Drew That's it. It's not going to stop because of you.

45:49 Adam What's he do? Does he sell something?

45:51 No, he's a lawyer.

45:52 Adam Lawyer. Look out. All right. Is he? We're doing him a great service by how about you help him out by to wear the bar?

46:01 Drew A lot of places you could report him.

46:03 Adam Really?

46:03 Drew Getting him caught.

46:04 Adam Well, how do you report it?

46:06 What do you mean?

46:07 Adam What do you do? You call the cops?

46:08 Drew Call the cops, yeah.

46:10 Adam What are they going to do? They're going to do anything. I don't even know. Look, I tried calling 911 a few months ago.

46:16 It was just something I put on.

46:17 Adam It was busy for like 20 minutes and I said, screw it. I don't know what you can call the cops for anything anymore.

46:22 Drew Kim, there's an organization called the Other Bar in Los Angeles. Look up the Other Bar and they can maybe get a recovering attorney to come talk to them.

46:31 Adam Really?

46:31 Drew Yeah, it's called the Other Bar.

46:32 Adam Well, so this is attorneys helping other attorneys?

46:35 Drew Yeah.

46:37 Adam Is there a group where publicists kill publicists?

46:40 Drew Yeah, I got to give that one off the air. I can't disclose.

46:43 Adam Let's check that out. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

46:49 Hello, this is your radio.

46:52 Love Line will be right back.

47:01 Adam Yeah, loveline to Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er. All right, let's rock.

47:11 Here we go.

47:12 Adam Back to the phones we go. Aaron.

47:15 Caller Hey, what's up, Adam?

47:17 Adam How's it going?

47:19 Caller Pretty good. Man, I just got to say I love your show, Adam. You're the man. You're the man, Adam. Drew, lots of love. My question, I just pierced my lip half an hour ago. I read a lot of things online about it. It might be shifting. I didn't find anything good on how to clean it out and stuff. What could happen to it if it gets infected and stuff?

47:42 Drew I think it's infected. You get a nice staff or a strap and it heads on over towards your head and you can die. That's a good deal.

47:49 That's awesome.

47:51 Drew More flesh eating bacteria, you get a fasciitis and it will advance in a couple minutes.

47:55 Adam That never seems to happen though. What do you do? Do you have something going through your lip right now?

47:59 Drew Necrotizing fasciitis.

48:00 Caller No, no. What I did was I took a, Adam, you're familiar with these, I took a finishing needle or finishing my finishing nail.

48:10 Adam Yeah.

48:10 Caller And I started that out.

48:12 Adam Let's call it finished nails. What size?

48:16 Caller Ah, crap, it was a half inch. It wasn't too big. It was sort of small. And I took a sewing needle and I started that through and then I just pushed the pin through, or the rings down.

48:28 Drew How do you figure infections start, Adam?

48:31 Adam Infection fairy?

48:33 Drew What do you think happens that makes an infection?

48:34 Caller What Adam said.

48:36 Adam Yeah. All right.

48:37 Drew Well, infections occur when a body part is pierced and the external world gets in.

48:43 Adam That's what happens.

48:44 Drew Bacteria gets in the tissue as a result of being open to the outside world. And that's what's going to happen here. That's just what's going to happen. It's going to be awful.

48:53 Adam Well, is it going to have to happen or might it happen?

48:57 Drew I think it's probably going to happen.

48:58 Adam Why? Because he used a finish now?

49:00 Drew Yeah, he used a knitting needle to...

49:02 Adam Well, what if he soaks it in alcohol?

49:05 Drew Zero.

49:05 Adam Zero?

49:06 Drew Zero.

49:07 Adam Good, because I never do that. Everyone always says, hey, don't lance that zit with that thing that fell off the ground.

49:13 Drew When you're lancing something that's already loaded with bacteria and you're, again, you're trying to stay within the abscess, not get into the surrounding tissue. That's a little different.

49:20 Adam I actually use fecal matters to pin cushion those. That bad?

49:24 Drew Yeah, I'm not sure it's the greatest solution.

49:26 Adam I don't let my pins just roll around in my bathroom drawer. I will use a clump of fecal matter and have them all stuck into it so I can get the different gauges, different sizes.

49:33 Drew Quite a statement.

49:35 Adam Yeah, I have to replay.

49:36 Drew I got to say, though, and you only use little pens with little balls on the top too, right? Yeah.

49:40 Adam The fecal matter will dry up every couple of weeks, so I have to replace it with a fresh fecal.

49:44 Drew It's hard to get the hard to push the nails through, the pins through that, right?

49:48 Adam As it gets older, yeah.

49:49 Plus it cracks off.

49:51 Adam Yeah, it's unappealing to the eye.

49:53 Drew It loses its nose. It's a role model.

49:55 Adam Yes, bouquet, yeah. No, I'll go ahead and drop a fresh duty in there every 10 to 15 days, depending on the weather. You know, when it's been cool and moist, dookie will last a little longer, but during the summer months, oh no, once a week. Once a week.

50:12 Drew Who are we talking to?

50:13 Adam I don't know, but the point is, is if I lance it, if I got an ingrown hair or zit or something, and I hit it with a pin, no big deal.

50:24 Drew An ingrown hair that you hit with a pin. Again, you can stir up infection that way. You can.

50:28 Adam But I am within a infected area already.

50:32 Drew If you're just dropping into a cavity, yes, you're within the cavity.

50:35 Adam So, okay, this is interesting to me. So why, okay, so if you have a zit, let's just say you got a zit, you just take a pin and you drop it into that pore. That that zit is forming in.

50:46 Drew If you can stay in the outside world, you should be pretty good.

50:48 Adam Or the inside world.

50:50 Drew But let me have a think.

50:51 Adam Stay within that one infected pore.

50:53 Drew Yes, the pore, you know, this is the pore.

50:55 Adam Yeah.

50:56 Drew This is the outside world here.

50:57 Adam It's destroying what looks like a vase, a vase.

50:59 Drew Yeah, right, you're fine.

50:59 Adam You drop it right in. Now, if you get outside, now why? Why can't you infect what's already infected? Is that what's going on?

51:07 Drew Because the infection is out here. The infection is out here and you can stir it up and make the infection sort of keep breeding, get worse, but just by increasing the inflammation. But if all you're doing is releasing this.

51:19 Adam Yeah, but if you're bringing bacteria in to the pore.

51:23 Drew This is already an infected area.

51:24 Adam All right, so if you take a part of your body.

51:28 Drew And it's the outside world too.

51:31 Adam What's the outside world?

51:32 Drew The inside of the pore.

51:33 Adam Now that it's opened up or in general?

51:35 Drew In general, it's the outside world.

51:36 Adam All right, so, but if you push something through, you're going from the outside to the inside. Now why is rubbing alcohol no good? Or not effective at all?

51:48 Drew Not worth a damn. It's not as...

51:50 Adam Better than nothing. Why do they rub you down with it after you get a shot?

51:53 Drew It's better than your stool infected stool...

51:56 Adam Not dare you...

51:57 Drew .feces covered pen.

51:58 Adam That's really better ideas.

51:59 Drew Yeah, but it's really not... You can't rely upon it to sterilize it.

52:03 Adam All right, you're saying you can't rely upon it, but still if you had your choice and someone was going to put something in there...

52:08 Drew Somebody is with one of your dookie pens or an alcohol sterilized knitting needle.

52:12 Adam You go alcohol.

52:14 Drew Yeah.

52:14 Adam Okay. You know, I wonder, you know, the people that have the fortitude to pierce themselves, there's a part of me that respects it and goes, well, I could never do that. That person's got something and then there's a part where I think, oh, they're incredibly f'd up.

52:29 It's both.

52:31 Adam It's usually incredibly f'd up.

52:32 Oh, of course.

52:33 Adam But still, they can hold their hand steady and push a spear through them. Yeah, give them a little something. Marie?

52:42 Hi.

52:43 Adam You're 20?

52:44 Yeah.

52:45 Adam What's up?

52:47 I've been dating this guy for a year and a half and we've been going off and on a lot. And he says he doesn't want to be with me, but he won't tell me that he doesn't love me and doesn't want anything with me. He kind of won't.

53:00 Wait, he does want to be with you?

53:01 Drew He just keeps sleeping with you.

53:02 Adam He does want to be with you?

53:05 He says that he does and he says that he does and it's off and on.

53:08 Drew Hang on. He says that he wants to break up, but he keeps sleeping with you. Is that a more accurate way of saying it?

53:14 Yeah. He keeps.

53:15 Drew All right. He wanted to break up and him sleeping with you are two entirely separate topics.

53:21 You understand? He apologizes and says, I want to be with you. I want to marry you one day. All this stuff is confusing me.

53:29 Adam Yeah. Well, then he then he has sex on you, right?

53:32 Right.

53:33 Drew And then he wants to take off again.

53:34 Yeah. Not necessarily right away.

53:38 Adam Like I said, he goes for a double shot.

53:40 Drew Yeah. I mean, it's a couple hours before he splits out.

53:43 Adam I just refractory period.

53:44 Drew Oh, yeah.

53:45 Adam It's back.

53:46 Drew Okay.

53:47 Adam All right. We don't like this guy. We don't trust this guy. What's he do for a living?

53:52 He runs a company.

53:56 Drew Get a vivid picture.

53:57 Adam What kind of company?

53:59 Computer.

54:01 Computer parts.

54:02 Yeah. Computer parts.

54:03 Adam Computer parts. He makes a good living?

54:08 He does okay for himself.

54:11 Adam Where did you meet him? Did you work for him?

54:13 I actually applied for a job and then he hired me and then agreed when I started dating that I wouldn't work for him anymore. So, I never really got that.

54:21 Drew It's sort of an interesting, you never actually worked for him?

54:26 Adam She applied for a job. He hired her.

54:28 Drew Yeah. I mean, how about I worked for a while.

54:31 Adam What did you do? Work with this guy? No, not at all. What happened was, is I underwent a, well, I filled out an application and went back on a few callbacks. Eventually, I was hired on under his, he was my immediate supervisor and he began banging me when I keep the vending machines.

54:49 Drew Then I agreed to quit.

54:50 Adam Then I went ahead and quit and he kept banging me. But no, I didn't meet him at work. No, that's what you're saying. It's interesting.

54:57 Drew Wow. I like when she's going back to the hiring process.

54:59 Adam I'm going to say, well-

55:03 Drew Not just hired, the job application process.

55:05 Adam When I left high school in 1999, my counselor told me that I had a capacity for doing computer and clerical work. At that point in time, I went ahead and filled out an application for said computer parts company.

55:20 Drew A few applications, a few companies.

55:22 Adam Yeah.

55:23 You worked for him. Marie.

55:27 I haven't worked for him, actually.

55:30 Adam How did you two meet?

55:32 I went in for an interview and I was supposed to start, but before I did, I actually met with him one-on-one and then agreed that I wouldn't work for him and I haven't.

55:41 Drew He picked you up in the interview process.

55:44 Right.

55:45 Drew He's a lovely guy.

55:46 Even creepier, really. Yeah, it's weird.

55:48 Drew Yeah.

55:49 Adam All right. Let's see. He's 27. Yeah, I don't like this guy.

55:55 Drew You just get out of this, Marie.

55:55 Adam He's 27. You're 20. He's not really into it.

55:59 Drew This is what you call a dysfunctional relationship. Get out. You've got to put a complete moratorium on this guy. Cut him off. You've changed your phone number if you have to. And every time you lay your eyes on this guy or have a phone conversation with him, know that the clock starts ticking again on your getting over this.

56:14 Adam And you never ended up getting the job, huh?

56:18 Marie? Marie?

56:22 Drew What the hell?

56:23 Adam I don't know. Did she hang up? Sometimes our phones are screwing. We can't hear people. Marie?

56:32 Caller No, she hung up.

56:35 Adam I think you basically told her a bunch of stuff she didn't really want to hear.

56:37 Drew I guess.

56:38 Adam And people don't respond well to that. Is that Cheri?

56:42 Yeah.

56:43 Adam Cheri?

56:44 Yeah.

56:45 Adam Fifteen?

56:46 Yeah.

56:47 Adam What's up?

56:48 Well, I just wanted to know if a girl lose her virginity to a guy right now, does she get attached to a guy?

56:56 Drew You mean as a young person, if you're having sex with somebody, does that make you more attached than maybe you're prepared to be?

57:02 Adam Yeah. We're going to go with yes.

57:04 Drew The answer is yes.

57:05 Adam Hey, does it 25 and 28 and 32?

57:08 Drew It really does it at 15, 16, 17. Oh yeah. You're not really sort of developmentally prepared or biologically.

57:15 Adam It's like everything.

57:16 Drew Yeah, there's more of an impact.

57:17 Adam The difference between 25 and 15, it's the same with everything.

57:21 Drew As with 15 and five, if something horrible happens, you have five.

57:23 Adam Yeah, you lose a parent at five, you lose a parent at 15, you lose a parent at 25.

57:28 Drew All different.

57:29 Adam All different.

57:30 Okay.

57:31 Adam Why, what do you got going?

57:34 I'm just scared to let go.

57:36 Adam Of your hymen?

57:39 Drew Of the guy that took your hymen?

57:40 Adam Who do you want to let go of?

57:42 Well, I don't want to let go of my boyfriend.

57:47 Adam Are you going to have to let go of him if you don't have sex with him?

57:50 Well, he's graduating.

57:53 Adam Oh, he is?

57:54 Yeah.

57:55 Drew Where's he going to go?

57:58 Adam Really? He's going to go there and sell watches to co-eds, right? What's he doing there? He's going to college there? Asian kid? No, I'm really confused. He's a good student? Alright, he's going away to UCLA. You're in the ninth grade?

58:26 No, tenth.

58:28 Adam Tenth?

58:29 Yeah.

58:29 Adam You're fifteen. He's going to college.

58:32 Drew He's seventeen.

58:33 Adam Is he seventeen?

58:34 Yeah.

58:35 Adam When's he going to be eighteen?

58:37 Um, on January. Well, yeah, next year.

58:43 Adam Okay, so he turned seventeen just a few months ago.

58:46 Yeah.

58:47 Caller Okay.

58:48 Adam It helps. But now he's not going away to college for another four or five months, right?

58:54 Yeah.

58:54 Drew Does he want to break up in the meantime?

58:57 Um, yeah. Well, I won't let go, but I'm scared of.

59:00 Drew Is he wanting to break up now?

59:02 Um, no.

59:05 Drew Well, you understand why we're confused.

59:08 Adam Do you think he will break up with you if you don't have sex with him?

59:11 Drew Oh, they're already having sex.

59:13 Adam Oh, are they already having sex?

59:14 Drew Yeah.

59:15 Yeah.

59:15 Adam Are you already having sex?

59:17 Yeah.

59:18 Adam Oh, I thought you were asking if you should or not.

59:20 Drew No, she's saying I'm too attached, but I need to let go because he's going away. But then he's not going away and he doesn't want to break up. So why are you breaking up?

59:27 Adam Yeah, he's not leaving town, really.

59:30 Drew Is it to break up this over attachment you've got? You don't want the attachment to go any further?

59:35 Well, I don't want to be too attached.

59:38 Where's daddy?

59:40 Oh, I don't live with him.

59:43 Drew I can't believe that.

59:44 Adam What happened to him? Where is he?

59:46 Well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't really care about him.

59:50 Drew You don't really care about him. Yeah, so this is what you really do care about. You gotta sabotage this thing.

59:54 Adam Yeah. Now we're getting to it.

59:57 Drew No, stay with this guy. He's fine.

59:58 Adam Yeah, we like him. He's going to UCLA. Where's your dad? Where is he?

1:00:03 He's in Torrance.

1:00:04 Adam Oh, there you go. And you don't see him very often?

1:00:07 No, yeah, we do.

1:00:08 Adam And you just don't like him?

1:00:10 Yeah.

1:00:11 Adam Okay, why don't you like him?

1:00:13 I don't know. I just, I've never liked him.

1:00:17 Adam All righty then. We'll say, listen, in three years when you get to junior college, say hi to engineer Chris.

1:00:25 All right?

1:00:27 Adam All right.

1:00:28 Drew Stay with the guy, please.

1:00:29 Adam Stay with him. Yeah, I want everyone when they're, you know, now they're in the ninth, tenth, eleventh grade, but they're heading for JC. They'll be there in two, three years. Just make sure you pull engineer Chris aside and say, hey, three years ago I was in the ninth grade. I remember us talking at A-Hole Adam. He said to say hi to you. Still taking it. Same math class. Oh, okay.

1:00:48 Drew Amazing.

1:00:49 Adam Fantastic. What are you, 33?

1:00:50 34.

1:00:51 Adam 34, okay.

1:00:52 Drew Mazel Tov.

1:00:53 Okay. Yeah.

1:00:54 Adam No one knows what Mazel Tov means in junior college. They don't have Jews there, Drew.

1:00:58 Drew That's right. You know what? Forgot.

1:01:00 Adam They would, except for the problem with the Jewish parents killing themselves. In the end, the government had to go to junior college. They had to cut them off.

1:01:06 Drew Yeah.

1:01:06 Adam No more Jews. Even if a Jew wanted to get in, they wouldn't let them in.

1:01:10 Drew It's a health issue.

1:01:11 Adam Now here's how you can. You have to get a certificate that says both your parents are dead already. Then they'll let you in.

1:01:16 Drew Really?

1:01:16 Adam Yeah. If you have one that's alive, they'll kill them.

1:01:19 Drew Rabbi won't kill himself then?

1:01:21 Adam They'll make attempts on their lives, but often not fall through, you know. It cries for help, like lighting their beard on fire. It's how a rabbi kills himself. Or protests or war.

1:01:31 Drew It's good.

1:01:34 Adam Or it means he's eating fondue.

1:01:35 Drew Nice.

1:01:36 Adam That's great. It's an awesome religion. Just let me just say this. Driving out looking at some houses on Sunday, driving down the Fairfax area there, saw the Hasidim taking the kids for a walk. You see the nine-year-olds with the black Derby and the Peos and the black Duster on. Not child abuse, not a cult. Really? And then I said, you know, people in the car were arguing with me that that's not child abuse. You just indoctrinate your kid into some Fakakta religion that is an old nonsense. And then they get picked on all the time at schools. You have to pull them out of school. They have to send them to a special school that can only be surrounded by their own people. And then they spend their whole lives, you know, not being able to plug their washing machine in on a Saturday. That's not abuse. And everyone's like, well, that's a religion. I said, OK, let me ask you guys a question. What would you rather, your dad occasionally get drunk and beat on you or you go into his sedum, huh? Which one is it? Yeah. You're goddamn right you wish your dad would beat on you. Begging your dad to beat up, beat your ass every month and a half rather than go into these retarded religions that people drag their kids into. Of course, it would be the best day of your life. You get to play little league, you get to have your friends at school, you get to go to proms, you get to go to dates, you don't have to be home schooled, you get to play video games. On a Saturday everybody, you get to turn a light bulb on, awesome. And then here's the trade off. Once every three months, your dad comes home, he had a blowout at work, he's drunk, he's been drinking, he starts smacking on you, screaming for you to put away the toys. Yeah, or the lifestyle, grow that payos out, get the beard going, wear the black derby in the middle of summer. What do you go for, Drew?

1:03:32 Drew Yeah. Can I get a beat on?

1:03:33 Adam Of course. I was just saying, everyone, please, enough respect with the religion. Nutty cult religions, all of them. Stop it. All I'm saying is, let's stop pretending like we care and respect it. Most of these things are ridiculous. If people want to do what they want to do, let them do what they want to do. Just shut up about it and let's stop being so tolerant.

1:03:58 Drew Well, be tolerant, but don't be dishonest.

1:04:01 Adam Yeah, the Jews and the Arabs are blowing each other up over there. We can't judge. It's all good. It's all good. You know what they're doing? I mean, who are we? We can't judge. I mean, it's fine. I mean, we respect it. It's good. It's a good thing. It's fantastic. Okay, what day is it, Drew? Wednesday, Wednesday, 17th. Well, weekend's coming up. It'll be over.

1:04:25 Drew Sure.

1:04:25 Adam It'll be over. No problems. Yeah. Trouble in the Middle East?

1:04:29 Drew No.

1:04:29 Adam No. Yeah. It'll be over by Friday. Friday or Saturday. Latest.

1:04:34 Drew Just a little trouble.

1:04:36 Adam Latest. Latest. It's going to blow right over. Yeah. No, no. Let's not judge. Everything's beautiful. Everyone's right. Everyone's a genius. I'll most respect for all you and your nut job religions. It's fantastic with you. And by the way, you're all right. Everyone of you is right. You're all going to wherever place you're going to and praying to wherever you're going to. It's all right. Everything's right. Everyone's a winner. Fantastic. Samantha?

1:05:00 Yeah?

1:05:01 Adam Oh, you would take that drunken dad being the crap out of you once a month any day over going into one of these retarded religions. And I don't care if it's, you know, if it's the Judaism or it's the shakers or quakers or it's just look, what's a cult? What's a cult? Somebody define a cult.

1:05:21 Drew But that's one guy to get laid.

1:05:23 Adam That's true. Samantha, this is a whole bunch of guys. None of them get laid. That's the difference. Go ahead, Samantha.

1:05:31 I was going to ask Drew if there was this thing as an addiction to like sex and porn.

1:05:39 Drew Absolutely. It's one of the most common or rapidly growing populations right now, is Internet porn addiction. Is that you?

1:05:47 I don't know. I've been wondering that.

1:05:50 Adam Well, what do you got?

1:05:51 Drew I think with women, women usually get into sexual addictions through love and intimacy addictions. So if you're going to be a porn addict, it's usually going into chat rooms and sort of having sex conversations.

1:06:01 Adam What's love and intimacy addictions?

1:06:03 Drew It's really having the closeness and the relationship part bleeding into the sexual compulsions. So you enter in through chat rooms and that sort of thing. And then it kind of goes down the path into the more explicit sexuality.

1:06:19 Adam So you want the intimacy, you want the connection.

1:06:23 Drew That's the door through which you enter.

1:06:26 Adam Mine's the back door.

1:06:27 Drew I know.

1:06:27 Adam Yeah.

1:06:28 Drew I know. I know.

1:06:29 Adam That's my internet site.

1:06:30 Drew I know.

1:06:31 Adam Back door. All right, Samantha. So what are you doing?

1:06:35 Well, like, I don't know. I just feel like I'm addicted to porn or something like that. I'll rent them off the TV and record them all the time, all kinds of stuff.

1:06:44 Adam What's your preference?

1:06:46 Everything.

1:06:48 Drew Were you exposed to a lot of these things when you were a kid growing up?

1:06:50 Adam Can your preference be everything? What's your favorite food?

1:06:53 Drew Everything.

1:06:54 Adam Okay.

1:06:55 What's your favorite team?

1:06:56 Adam All of them?

1:06:57 Drew All of them. Everything. I love everything.

1:06:58 Adam Samantha, you like everything.

1:06:59 Drew Were you exposed to a lot of porn growing up?

1:07:02 No.

1:07:03 Drew No. Were you sexually abused growing up?

1:07:05 No.

1:07:07 Adam Sounds disappointed.

1:07:08 Drew And do you spend a lot of time and energy with the porn?

1:07:12 Yeah. I mean, I like watch it all the time. And I'm married and I'm more into it than my husband. I figured a guy would be more into it than a girl.

1:07:21 Drew They tend to be. What do you mean you watch it all the time? What does that mean?

1:07:24 Like, I don't know, like every night I just want to put one in and I watch them. I don't know.

1:07:30 Drew For how long?

1:07:32 Till the whole movie's over. I got like three of them on a tape.

1:07:36 Drew Same three?

1:07:38 No, I have a whole bunch of them.

1:07:40 Adam Yeah, share the wealth, baby.

1:07:42 Drew She sounds exactly like our caller earlier in the night.

1:07:45 Adam Yes, she sounds exactly like the million dollar baby.

1:07:48 Drew Yeah.

1:07:49 Adam They're Missouri chicks. Hot. Yeah.

1:07:53 Drew Is that where she's from, the million dollar baby?

1:07:55 Adam I don't know, but obviously, Hilary Swank was going after that voice.

1:07:59 Drew Yeah.

1:08:00 Adam No, that's hot. Missouri, I pictured like just a raft lashed together with the wreaths.

1:08:06 Drew I saw a bunch of porn on it.

1:08:08 Adam Yeah, just pushing off.

1:08:10 I'm from Missouri.

1:08:12 Adam You're from Missouri?

1:08:13 Drew Imagine that.

1:08:13 Adam Oh, okay. I had you from Orange County. Okay, Missouri. Well, there you go. Well, now it's all making sense. Let me ask this. Are you masturbating? No.

1:08:26 Drew When you look at these things?

1:08:28 No, I'm married, so I use my husband.

1:08:31 Drew So you use it as a way of getting sexually active with your husband?

1:08:36 I don't have to, no, but I don't know. I always want to watch them and then-

1:08:41 Drew How long have you been doing this for?

1:08:42 Adam I know, but-

1:08:43 Drew How long have you been doing this for?

1:08:46 About four years.

1:08:49 Adam Now, here's what I'm saying. You want to sit there and watch an entire porno movie, which some of those scenes can be as long as 17 minutes, Drew.

1:08:58 Drew Wow.

1:08:59 Adam Yeah, for a big budget one.

1:09:01 Drew Wow.

1:09:01 Adam Now, you want to watch an entire movie beginning to end, but not necessarily engage in any physical contact. Just sit there and watch it all the way through?

1:09:12 Well, no. Every time I watch it, I do something. I have to. I can just sit there and watch it.

1:09:18 Drew You do it with your husband.

1:09:19 Adam Do you masturbate?

1:09:22 I have before, but usually my husband's here.

1:09:25 Adam And he does something to you?

1:09:27 Yeah.

1:09:28 Adam But then do you have an orgasm?

1:09:30 Yeah.

1:09:31 Adam And then can you move on and, you know?

1:09:32 Drew Or do you keep watching?

1:09:35 Well, no, I just move on, but then, like, later on that day, I'll watch it again. I'll watch one again.

1:09:42 Adam Mm-hmm. Do you have kids?

1:09:44 I have one.

1:09:45 Adam All right. That's about half too many. I was going to say one too many, but I'm breaking it in half. Yeah, she could have a half. Yeah, like two arms and part of a forehead and one eye.

1:09:55 Drew She's not as bad as our colors.

1:09:56 Adam No, she's not. She's not. All right, Samantha, this is... Drew, stop me if you disagree. Some people are colossally effed up because of the horrible abuse they've suffered in the past, and some people have, like, sort of chemical imbalances and that sort of thing, and some people have addiction problems. Samantha is sort of... Her obsession is fueling her obsession. She's sort of declared that this is something I'm into and now obsesses with it, and it's sort of like... It's like when you get a cut or something and you keep messing with it, and you're not a cutter.

1:10:36 Drew Yeah, it reminds me of like an Afghan, a dog that gets a cut and the dog keeps chewing on it. You can't get it to stop.

1:10:42 Adam It's like something got it started, something happened, and now you've sort of spiraled into it a little bit.

1:10:50 Drew She's not been sexually abused, she probably was physically abused, so there's gotta be some trauma there, but it's not the usual situation for sexual addiction. It's not having consequences, it's just sort of a bothersome habit. Literally, it's like a habit for her.

1:11:02 Adam Yeah, and she's labeling it as an addiction when maybe it really is an addiction, although it's becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy and she's making it an addiction.

1:11:10 Drew And really, and so what, they use this as a marital aid, big deal.

1:11:13 Adam All right, Samantha.

1:11:14 Drew Yeah.

1:11:15 Adam We've labeled you as not as effed up as you've labeled yourself. So we would like you...

1:11:22 Drew You have difficulty containing your impulses, clearly, and you're a little obsessional.

1:11:26 Adam We would like you to...

1:11:28 Drew Be busy.

1:11:29 Adam Take some control over your life, focus on your marriage and focus on your child and whatever your hobbies are and whatever else you have, making your home, doing your work, whatever you do.

1:11:40 Drew Go ahead and watch your porn at night with your husband. That's fine.

1:11:43 Adam Yeah, but let's limit it to three nights a week.

1:11:46 Drew No, no, no. Limit it to until you orgasm and then you go to bed.

1:11:49 Adam Then you shut it off.

1:11:49 Drew Then you shut it off.

1:11:50 Adam Right.

1:11:50 Drew That's all. Just cut it down a little bit here.

1:11:52 All right.

1:11:53 Okay.

1:11:54 Adam It's all right. Ratchet it in just a little.

1:11:56 You're all right.

1:11:58 Okay.

1:11:58 Adam All right, baby doll.

1:11:59 Drew Although I definitely want her for my television program to talk about marital couples.

1:12:03 Adam Because you got to tell people they're sane.

1:12:06 Drew Yeah.

1:12:06 Adam That's just a lot of porn.

1:12:08 Drew All right. Again, I'm still looking for newlyweds and husbands and wives to sit down with me on television and talk about their experiences.

1:12:14 Caller We're all in.

1:12:15 Adam All right. Take a little break. Be right back after this.

1:12:33 Yeah, Loveline!

1:12:36 Adam Adam, that's Dr. Drew, one of our 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er.

1:12:41 Drew And I need you married couples to get off your butts and call in here. We got a whole bunch of newlyweds, but no husbands and wives. Just want to sit down and talk about what it's like, what the sexual relationship becomes like after you've been married a little while. Is it changed? Is it not? What's it like? What's your stressors? And then we're going to have for the Discovery Health Channel. And I'll be taking calls tomorrow night, the 17th that we decided, Michelle, that is, starting at 830 Pacific Standard Time, to talk about cheating before the before the actual love line calls heat up.

1:13:09 Adam So this is part of me that says, what the hell is he doing talking about another show on our show? And there's part of me that says, he's talking, who cares? I'll just tune out. Keep talking. What time is it? I gotta get out of here.

1:13:24 Drew You're so appreciative when I talk.

1:13:26 Adam I am. It's like, yeah.

1:13:27 Drew That's good.

1:13:30 Adam The, yeah, I mean, I long, you know, the people, people I don't think understand something, which is, like, I watch American, I know I understand a lot of things, but I watch American Idol.

1:13:42 Drew Yeah.

1:13:43 Adam And, you know, the difference between what Paula Abdul does, or any of the judges do, but especially Paula Abdul, because she doesn't really say anything, and what, like, Ryan Seacrest has to do is mountainous. And people don't really, it's like, oh, they all star in the show. As a matter of fact, we like him better than we like him.

1:14:00 Drew No.

1:14:01 Adam You know, when you're Ryan Seacrest, and he's an easy guy to make fun of, he does a good job.

1:14:07 Drew He's been in the play.

1:14:09 Adam Yeah. First off, you got to remember the name of 12 people. And then you have to sort of recap and you have to do, we're taking the vote and here's what's happening. And you guys phoned in and here's the phone number.

1:14:20 Drew There's a conversation going on, the rhythm, what are we going in, what are we going out.

1:14:23 Adam Yeah, Paul Abdul's like, I think you did good. And then Simon jumps in.

1:14:28 Yeah.

1:14:30 Adam I mean, a long sentence for her is, You got it, honey. Yeah, no, a long winded one for her is, this song started off slow, but you got into it. And so I liked it. That's about it. And that's only every 10 minutes they just come to her and no one complains and there's nothing to do. You just sit there. TV sucks most of the time because there's some teleprompter, some car, and you're always worried. Did I give the phone number out? Did I get the guy's name right? Who's, wait, who's staying? Who's to my right? Who's to my left? What's going on? Nothing better than judging. Nothing. Yeah. I mean, the greatest gig of my life was at New Star Search. I just sat there between like Reba McIntyre and Ben Stein. I was like, yeah, they're like, could you keep it to eight or ten seconds? I was like, how about I do three seconds? Still give me ten grand, right? It was good. Not great, but good. All right. By the way, genius. Guy's a genius. Needs his own show. Nothing better. I want a job where I judge. So here's what I was thinking about. I don't know why, but I polished off a box of Girl Scout cookies today. People.

1:15:45 Well, a lot of arguments.

1:15:46 Drew OK.

1:15:46 Well, I like them.

1:15:48 Drew No, Savannah's.

1:15:49 Adam No, no.

1:15:51 Yeah.

1:15:51 Keep going.

1:15:52 Adam Keep going.

1:15:52 Thank you.

1:15:52 Drew That's the Savannah's.

1:15:53 Adam No, no, it's Tagalong.

1:15:55 Yes.

1:15:55 Drew They're called.

1:15:56 Shut up.

1:15:57 Adam Thanks, sweetie. Tagalong's much better.

1:16:00 Drew Used to be called the Savannah's, right?

1:16:01 Adam I don't know. Maybe back in the day. Here's my point. There is and I did go to a car dealership once that just had the trefoils, trefoils or whatever. It's just it's white shortbread, just regular cookie. Sugar. And I thought I remember I was just sitting there like a way where they want some Girl Scout cookies. Oh, yeah. Great. When you get the peanut butter or the mint. I got these. What is that? That's the white ones. Those are the ones who are just lard and sugar.

1:16:28 Yeah.

1:16:29 Adam I got a box of Girl Scout cookies and I thought, well, why would you or you know, now I'm getting angry and upset. Why would you get those? I just, you know, got a box of Girl Scout cookies. But you don't want to get the peanut butter ones or the mint ones or how about the Samoans?

1:16:44 Drew Yeah, the coconut and chocolate ones.

1:16:46 Adam I realize a lot of people are just more animal than human being. Like, you know, for dog, you know, raccoon breaks in your cabin. It's not going for the tagalongs. It's going for the box. It doesn't matter what's in the box. See what I'm saying?

1:16:59 Drew He's going for the first box.

1:17:00 Adam First box. Only box. First box. Doesn't matter. Yeah. And I realize a lot of people are just like... The guy was sort of confused. He was like, I got Girl Scout cookies. You want them or not? I was like, those are the... Who?

1:17:15 Drew I know.

1:17:16 Adam How low does your self-esteem have to be that you just get the plain sort of vanilla lardy ones that taste like shortbread really like anything you could get anywhere? Why would you do it? Now, Drew, not you. Not a man of passion.

1:17:30 Drew No.

1:17:31 Adam No.

1:17:31 Drew We're going for the thin mince.

1:17:33 Adam Yeah. Thin mince is... thin mince solid.

1:17:36 Drew Yeah.

1:17:36 Adam Solid.

1:17:37 Drew Frozen thin mince.

1:17:38 Adam Solid. Solid. But the Tagalongs. Oh, yeah. That's got the peanut butter and the chard. That is rock solid. That's Sears type of solid.

1:17:47 Drew Oh, those are those things with the little lumps with peanut butter.

1:17:50 Adam Yeah. Bite through the chocolate.

1:17:52 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:17:53 Adam Yeah. You got to dig through the chocolate to get to the peanut butter.

1:17:57 Drew Yeah.

1:17:57 Adam Hard to argue with that.

1:17:58 Drew I got to get some of that.

1:17:59 Adam Megan?

1:17:59 Caller Shut up, damn it!

1:18:02 Drew Megan?

1:18:03 Adam Megan?

1:18:03 Caller Yes. Yes, I'm here.

1:18:05 Adam Twenty-one.

1:18:06 Drew Speaking of Orange County, Megan, this is what somebody sounds like from Orange County as opposed to Missouri.

1:18:09 Adam You're not from Missouri? What's up?

1:18:11 Caller No, not from Missouri. Adam, I loved your comments early about our system. I fully agree with you.

1:18:17 Adam Our system? What system?

1:18:20 Caller You're talking about our, oh God.

1:18:23 Adam Oh, judicial system.

1:18:25 Caller My system is a lie detector test.

1:18:26 Drew Oh, at the beginning of the show, yes.

1:18:28 Adam Yes, who wouldn't agree with my lie detector?

1:18:29 Drew Was it this show or the last show?

1:18:31 Adam Feels like it was a few shows ago. But yeah, the system we have has Blake and OJ playing golf together. Why not get my lie detector in place? Yeah. And let me say this, now you got me fired up, but my lie detector, which we could work on, work out and be very easy, all the guys who were, by the way, all the people that were supposed to, you know, have their cases reviewed and, you know, brought out and all that stuff, or going out on parole, whatever. We would pass everyone through everything. But here's the thing. My lie detector does not know what color you are.

1:19:06 Drew Right.

1:19:06 Adam It doesn't know your economic background. It doesn't care.

1:19:11 Drew I think that's what people don't like.

1:19:13 Adam It doesn't need anything. It doesn't know about your sexual proclivity.

1:19:17 Drew What they're worried about is being discriminated against. But really the motivation for not doing something like this is they're afraid of not being able to be an exception.

1:19:25 Adam Right. It doesn't matter if you look like Pierce Brosnan or an ogre. It doesn't know. It doesn't care. It doesn't know. You could be black as coal with 300 gold teeth and a FDLAPD tattoo on your forehead. And either you pass it or you don't.

1:19:44 Drew Nice.

1:19:45 Adam Solid, huh?

1:19:46 Drew Yeah.

1:19:47 Adam Please. And they call me a racist. Megan.

1:19:51 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

1:19:53 Adam Twenty one.

1:19:53 Drew There you go.

1:19:54 Caller Okay. I have been with my boyfriend for about nine months. We have a great relationship, friends for years. And we're really happy. Talked about marriage might happen. Not right now. But I have been having these dreams every night. I'll wake up, go back to bed, have another one about sex. I have sex with people, even girls I know sometimes in my dreams, guys I know sometimes, sometimes it's people.

1:20:20 Drew Every night.

1:20:21 Caller Like I saw online at Starbucks that morning.

1:20:23 Drew Well, now you know what it's like to be a male. That's what males do all the time.

1:20:26 Adam Yeah.

1:20:27 Caller I kind of like it, but on the other hand, it's scary me because I'm wondering, even because he's laying in bed with me and I wake up and go, almost like he can.

1:20:37 Adam She just dropped that F bomber, S bomb.

1:20:40 Drew S bomb. Again, on one hand, I'm sort of complimented that they feel comfortable enough to just drop the S and the F word in the middle of a conversation.

1:20:53 Adam It's like how your old lady feels when you drop your first gas bomb in front of her. Yeah.

1:20:59 Drew He's comfortable.

1:21:00 Adam This means it's for real.

1:21:01 Drew He's comfortable. He's into me.

1:21:03 Adam This is long-term now.

1:21:05 Drew Then on the other hand, she wants to retch.

1:21:07 Adam He just blew a biscuit. We can start looking at rings tomorrow. I want to vomit on him. Yeah, you really should think that way, ladies. When he cocks that leg up and lets one fly, that means it's time to start looking at wedding dresses.

1:21:20 Drew Particularly when it makes the truck horns. Pulled down with the arms.

1:21:25 Adam Yeah. Megan dropped the S bomb, so we got to hold her off for a second. Drew, let me ask you this. If, as a guy, you have these crazy sexual dreams all the time, it means nothing.

1:21:37 Drew It means nothing.

1:21:38 Adam And we usually tell people, ah, don't worry about your dreams. It's just, you know, that's what they're there for. But as a woman who's having these types of dreams that we normally would almost reserve for males, occasionally a woman, but if a woman's having them constantly, does this mean more than it does for a male? If her male would mean nothing.

1:21:57 Drew If it's a shift, if it's a change, it makes me think about something biological going on, medication, ovarian cysts.

1:22:04 Adam What about just an attitudinal shift, though?

1:22:07 No, I don't think so.

1:22:08 Adam Thinking about other guys, been friends for a long time, now all of a sudden marriage has come up, feeling hemmed in a little bit.

1:22:14 Drew I don't think so, she's thinking about men and women, and it's just pure sexual.

1:22:17 Adam Megan?

1:22:18 Caller Yes.

1:22:19 Drew Any new medication, birth control pills?

1:22:22 Caller I got off the shot about six months ago, and now I'm on the lowest birth control pill that you can have.

1:22:29 Drew Maybe that's it.

1:22:34 Adam You're talking about marriage with this guy?

1:22:37 Caller Yeah, we've talked about it, and I'm happy with it. I mean, we won't do it for a few years. I'm still young, so we won't do it for a while.

1:22:43 Adam You've been with him for how long? You said nine? You've been friends with him for a long time?

1:22:47 Caller Yeah, for a couple of years, so we're close. We really know each other well.

1:22:52 Drew Before you dropped the S-bomb, you said you'd wake up next to him and what?

1:22:57 Caller I would think, oh no, almost like I felt guilty for having the dream.

1:23:03 Drew No, tell him about him. He'll let you know how unguilty you should feel.

1:23:06 Adam Are you thoroughly attracted to him?

1:23:09 Caller Yes, I love him. Our sex life hasn't been that great lately.

1:23:14 Adam I said thoroughly attracted, not did you love him?

1:23:17 Caller Yes, I'm thoroughly attracted to him.

1:23:19 Adam What's wrong with the sex life?

1:23:23 Caller He's normally stressed out with work. I'm trying to do work in school full-time, so I think I honestly I don't care.

1:23:32 Adam That's fine.

1:23:33 Drew Again, another thing that it makes me think bipolar patients can do this when they get more manicky. They'll start having crazy dreams like this. Birth control pills, medication can do this. Pregnancy can do this.

1:23:44 Adam Also people can hit little patches and it builds on the last one. You're thinking as you're going to bed, wow, the night before I had this crazy, sexy dream. I wonder if that's gonna, and then that just leads, carries you into the next night.

1:23:57 Drew And they've clearly not been very attentive to one another.

1:23:59 Adam April?

1:24:00 Yes.

1:24:01 Adam 26?

1:24:02 Yes, I'm 26 years old.

1:24:04 Adam What's up?

1:24:06 I've been friends with this guy for like 10 years. I met him when he was a freshman in high school and I was a sophomore. And now I'm 26, he's 25, and we've both got out of pretty rocky relationships just recently. And we started having a friends with benefits relationship. And for some reason, I have this feeling in my heart that he might be the one.

1:24:37 Drew Wow. Well, you know, that does it then.

1:24:40 Adam Well, you got to feel it. You got to write a song first. First you need to write a song.

1:24:45 Drew Oh, some poetry.

1:24:46 It's fabulous in bed.

1:24:48 Adam Okay. Well, there I'm gonna...

1:24:49 I've never been more comfortable with a guy.

1:24:51 Adam Put a check by that box.

1:24:53 Drew Here's the problem, April. He's your friend. He's not your lover.

1:24:56 Adam She has a feeling in her heart.

1:24:57 Drew Yeah. Well, there you go.

1:24:58 Well, we're friends with benefits.

1:25:00 Drew Yeah. I understand. But the reason you're not further along is cause he doesn't have the feeling in his heart.

1:25:05 Not yet.

1:25:06 Drew No.

1:25:07 I mean, we dated twice in high school and it ended badly. And it's been a very, very long time since Stevie even considered it.

1:25:16 Adam And he's not even considering a relationship.

1:25:19 Drew He's not even considering a relationship. Stay with that thought.

1:25:21 Adam Not since we've considered it. Since he's considered it. You've thought about it many times.

1:25:27 Yes.

1:25:29 Drew He's not going to do it.

1:25:30 Adam Hi. Look, it's awesome to turn the... I wish I could do the we thing too with everything. We're deciding whether I get the job.

1:25:40 Drew You and the boss are going to decide whether to get a new raise. We are going to decide, I get the raise.

1:25:43 Adam Yeah, that supermodel and I are deciding whether I get a BJ from her. We're doing all the soul searching, put our minds together.

1:25:52 Drew I think you're grandiose and disordered, that kind of thinking is. You're going to make the decision. Your decision making bleeds into the other person's brain and makes it on their behalf too.

1:26:01 Adam Yeah. Brad Pitt and I are deciding whether we're going out dirt bike riding this weekend.

1:26:08 Drew We're excited.

1:26:09 Adam We're giving us some thought. I'm still on the fence. Brad's pretty gung ho. Yeah.

1:26:14 We we we or he he he or me me me.

1:26:18 Adam Wow. Heavy. That was heavy.

1:26:24 April. Yes.

1:26:26 Adam It was so heavy that the engineers, Michelle, her head, her cans came flying off her habits. She almost flew, fell off her stool.

1:26:34 All right.

1:26:35 Adam Look, I'm worried. And this is why the friends with benefits thing, which has been sort of friends with benefits is almost like, oh, yeah, I got a got a female trapped inside a male's body. It's somehow been accepted in the last 10 years.

1:26:50 Drew Benefit is a catastrophe.

1:26:52 Adam It doesn't work for the chicks.

1:26:53 Drew Listen, even for some of the guys, sometimes it look, it looks great on paper. I was at the University of Maryland. I said, yeah, friends with benefits looks great on paper, right? We're friends. We love each other and we have sex. No big deal. Communism looks good on paper.

1:27:05 Adam Right.

1:27:05 Drew It's the same principle.

1:27:06 Adam Doesn't work.

1:27:07 Drew Doesn't work with humans.

1:27:09 Adam Yeah.

1:27:09 So do you think I should give them an ultimatum or?

1:27:14 Adam I think, I think, and I don't think there's anything wrong with putting, here's what, I don't think there's anything wrong with not putting the screws to the person, but saying, I have feelings for you that are getting a little past the Friends with Benefits label. I need to know if you're having those feelings for me, because if you're not, I need to move on because this is becoming uncomfortable. And that's fine. And he has to be able to answer it.

1:27:42 Drew Don't put the screws to him so he can't answer it honestly.

1:27:45 Adam Right.

1:27:45 Drew You got to put it very general. Give him a chance. Give him plenty of space to answer honestly and then accept what he says.

1:27:50 Adam And don't get don't buy into that. Well, let me pump on it. It's going to pump you for a while and think about it. I'll do some soul searching while I'm on top of you.

1:28:00 Let me pump on it.

1:28:02 Adam That's a good way to go. I like to pump on it for a while.

1:28:06 Yeah. Yeah.

1:28:07 Adam Because sometimes, you know, things get a lot clearer after a good pumping. You know, that's the way I am. All right.

1:28:13 Drew And at the end? What's your answer now, honey?

1:28:19 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:28:20 Adam Let's take a... Let me hear David Alan Greer.

1:28:23 Drew Yes. Yes.

1:28:24 Adam I just want to hear what David Alan Greer sexually sounds like, Anderson.

1:28:28 Drew He doesn't like people looking at him.

1:28:30 Adam Yeah, he doesn't like people looking at him.

1:28:50 That's what it's like.

1:28:53 Adam It's always funny. All right, let's take a break.

1:28:56 We'll be right back after this.

1:28:58 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:29:01 Adam Loveline will be right back. Yeah, Loveline, a man who is Dr. Drew. Drew, how about we keep a rockin?

1:29:17 Drew Let's rock, here we go.

1:29:18 Adam I want to talk to Lucy, so we don't hold too long. Lucy?

1:29:22 Yeah.

1:29:22 Adam Sixteen?

1:29:23 Yeah.

1:29:24 Adam You use meth every day?

1:29:27 Yeah.

1:29:28 Adam Hmm, that seems bad.

1:29:29 Drew That's probably, in terms of addictive drugs, it's one of the ones we worry about the most these days. It causes something called excitotoxicity, where the chemicals that the brain uses to communicate amongst cells.

1:29:43 Adam I think you lost them.

1:29:44 Drew Let's just say they get loose inside the cell and turn it into free radicals and destroy the cells as a result of amphetamine use. So you get brain destruction. So this is a really serious problem.

1:29:55 Adam Lucy.

1:29:55 Yeah?

1:29:56 Adam How long have you been doing meth?

1:29:58 For like a year and a half.

1:30:00 Adam A year and a half? You're only 16.

1:30:04 Yeah.

1:30:05 Adam Well, let me just say this, Lucy. You know, I'm an atheist and I don't care, so I can speak freely. This is, and I don't mind people that do drugs, and we'll do the occasional drug myself now. And again, meth is the worst of all the drugs, in my humble opinion. It really is bad. And you don't hear me making a big deal if some guys smoking weed or drinking a beer. Or even, I don't even feel this strongly about coke or heroin. Meth is horrible and it is ugly. And things, I mean, people physically, it's sort of ugly spiritually and physically ugly. And you need to get yourself some help because it's just going to be...

1:30:52 Drew Bad times.

1:30:52 Adam Just bad times. The next few years are going to be a mess.

1:30:56 Drew And he's not saying switch to another drug either, because that's not the only other way you can deal with this. Hold on, that's what I'm saying.

1:31:01 Adam No, you need to get some help, Lucy. Is there anyone you can talk to?

1:31:06 Well, my friends wanted to put me in rehab. That's where you need to go. But like I told them, I was an addict and all this stuff.

1:31:14 Drew That's where you need to go.

1:31:15 Adam Talk to your friends. Find your smartest friend and talk to her about it.

1:31:21 Drew Have them take you to places. It's not for punishments you go into treatment. It's to help you get better.

1:31:25 Adam No, no, speed is horrible. Let me just address Lily real quick. Lily? 21, yes. You don't like me making fun of junior college people.

1:31:35 No, I'm so like, I get so, me and my friend both here, we always get, we listen to you guys and we get so pissed off when you bag on junior colleges because the thing is, is that, hello?

1:31:45 Yeah. Yeah.

1:31:46 Okay.

1:31:47 Oh, he said I can't say what I said, but I think I can because you guys are still talking to me. But anyways, I went to a junior college and so did he and we're both at the University of Davis, California now.

1:31:58 Drew University of Davis.

1:31:59 Yes, and we're both really good students.

1:32:02 Adam All right. That's called UC Davis.

1:32:05 Drew It is, University of California Davis. She said University of Davis.

1:32:07 Yes, University of California Davis.

1:32:08 Drew Oh, okay.

1:32:09 The thing is the school is what you make it and no matter what school you go to, it's totally what you make it and junior colleges are not bad. They're total funnel schools and they give people a chance to make it.

1:32:20 Adam Yeah, they funnel you to hell, into an abyss where you never graduate. They funnel.

1:32:25 Drew By the way, school is not just what you make it. It's your competition and your faculty. Otherwise, there would be no difference among schools.

1:32:32 Adam Dr. Drew, it's what you make it. Everything is what you make it. If you make prison into Neverland, it's fine.

1:32:40 Drew That's what you make it.

1:32:41 Adam Here's what I want to say very quickly. Yeah, there are a handful of people that go there, study hard, and then transfer. That's the minority. Then there's engineer Chris and the majority were in the thirties and they actually need this. They need their bubble burst so they can move out and go do something. You go to a junior college because you're a bad student in high school, and the four months you took off for summer usually don't transform you into the world's greatest student. That's all I'm saying. Be realistic. Join the military.

1:33:11 Drew Yeah, find some training, some odd job training, some other work.

1:33:14 Adam Tough love. I do it for you guys, kiddies. We'll take a quick break. Be right back. Well, that's it, everyone. I want to thank you very much for tuning in tonight. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:33:54 Loveline.

1:33:56 The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station.

1:34:04 Adam The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold.

1:34:07 Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, March 16, 2005