Episode 1000685359548

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:15 Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Adam Yeah, it's a Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, board certified physician and an addiction medicine specialist.

1:32 Drew Yeah.

1:33 Adam What's going on?

1:33 Drew What's happening?

1:34 Adam Get It On. Whew, finally got some rain in this town.

1:37 Yeah.

1:38 Adam Nice. We needed it.

1:41 Drew Don't we? We always need it.

1:42 Adam We needed it.

1:42 Drew Except it was a weird rain tonight. It was a mist. It wasn't a rain. It's almost like insulting. It's like, what? Hey, we used to rain here.

1:49 Adam Yeah, what is this? Yeah, I hate this. Yeah, it's like a pre-com or something.

1:54 Drew Yeah, absolutely.

1:55 Adam Thank you. It'd be horrible, by the way. You know, there's always that a-hole at the office. It's like, yeah, it's raining outside. Man, I could barely get in. Well, yeah, I know. But we needed it. We need it. Yeah. Okay, yes. Water is important to the planet. All I'm saying is 405 was checked out. We needed it. Thanks, Dilweed.

2:18 Drew Much better.

2:18 Adam There we go.

2:19 Drew So Adam, I brought you a hat. After 45 minutes of hat talk last night, I brought you a hat.

2:24 Adam I just thought, we brought it up last night. I'm a baseball hat guy. I wear baseball hats.

2:30 Drew Except strangely, tonight you're not. First night about a- Oh, there you go.

2:32 Adam I got my beanie.

2:33 Drew Okay.

2:34 Adam I wear hats constantly because I have a brillo-y head. I never noticed that.

2:39 Drew Oh, really?

2:40 Adam I never noticed.

2:40 Oh, shocking.

2:41 Adam If you have a brillo head, you must put gel in your hair before you leave the house. Otherwise, you look like Danny Partridge from the 70s. So I don't want to put gel in my head because I only shower a couple of times a week, and your head gets all crunchy and it gets all weird. It's weird.

2:58 Drew Yeah, it's greasy.

2:59 Adam So what I like doing is washing my hair, and then I just put my beanie on, and then I got the weird dried up brillo head, so I got to wear a beanie. I get thousands of free hats. One of the things you get in this business is tote bags and hats. I don't know where you're going with these tote bags, but they're trying to get you the F out of dodge with these things. It's like, here, here, it's kind of a weird, it's a weird message. Here's a tote bag. I'm not going. Take, take the tote bag. Well, I'm not going anywhere.

3:26 Take it.

3:27 Adam Take the hat, the booze, and the tote bag and skedaddle. So they give you a lot of tote bags, and in those tote bags are these hats. And I love a baseball hat, but I love a baseball hat. Not that weird gay 80s golfer hat, that weird Andre Agassi from the late 80s, the kind that have the-

3:46 Drew It's like a tennis hat or something.

3:47 Adam Yeah, they don't-

3:48 Drew There's no forehead.

3:50 Adam Instead of the front of the cap sticking almost straight up, they lean, they look like the hood of a Corvette.

3:56 Drew No, they're in a direct line with the-

3:58 Adam No, no, no, yes.

3:59 Drew Yes, they're in the direct line with the bill.

4:00 Adam Yeah, it's just, boom, arrow down. I mean, look, if you're talking about cheating the wind, this is the hat for you. Drew, put it on.

4:07 Drew That looks like hell.

4:07 Adam Engineer Michel, look how gay.

4:10 Drew How gay can I look?

4:11 Adam Dr. Drew, look.

4:12 Very gay.

4:13 Drew It's called microcephaly.

4:14 It makes your head look really small.

4:16 Drew Pinhead, yeah.

4:17 Adam Yeah, they're horrible, and then they have those horrible flat cloth straps in the back that aren't worth a monkey's ass. And I was just screaming last night, why do they keep making these? Who wears these?

4:28 Drew Who likes these? Well, you put this on. I can understand for a woman, they're okay.

4:32 Adam No.

4:33 Drew They're okay.

4:33 Adam No.

4:34 Drew But for a male, it just doesn't work.

4:35 Adam Yeah. So let's see what Michelle looks like.

4:41 Drew You can buy it, you know what I'm saying?

4:43 Can I make this cheap ass?

4:45 Adam No. Yeah, the weird strap thing. So I was really angry about it and I decided that three-quarters of the hats, I have my closet or these crappy giveaway with the flat hemmed material in the back and the weird hasp in the back, and why can't everyone make normal ones? And then I got exasperated because engineer Chris had never heard of this kind of hat. Well, he had no idea what I was talking about.

5:05 Drew He didn't know what you were talking about. It doesn't mean he's never seen it.

5:08 Adam Okay. All right. Still, bigger insult.

5:11 Paul? Yeah.

5:13 Adam Yeah. It's a huge insult when people do that thing where they go, I probably know what you're talking about. I just don't understand what you're saying. Oh, thank you. I got to go kill myself. Yeah.

5:22 Drew That's good as a communicator.

5:23 Adam Yeah. I don't play the harp. You understand? I use my mouth to play the harp.

5:28 How about that half circle hole in the back?

5:30 Adam Yeah, the half circle hole that Anderson then pointed out.

5:33 Drew Let's see.

5:34 Adam Now, I know what Anderson is talking about, but that ain't it. Okay. Let's go. He's talking about the half circle hole.

5:43 Drew I was talking about the location of the cheap stuff. Yeah.

5:46 Adam Yeah. He's talking about the cutout.

5:47 Drew Don't all hats have something?

5:48 I was talking about the location.

5:51 Adam Now, we're more confused. All right. Let's keep moving.

5:54 Drew Here we go.

5:54 Adam All right. Here we go. Paul?

5:56 Yeah.

5:57 Adam What's up?

5:58 What's up, man?

5:59 Adam What's up?

6:02 Got a relationship question. I recently got back from deployment not too long ago. Throughout my whole military experience, that's all I've been having was booty calls and all that. I can't get past the relationship part. That's what I'm looking for now. I don't know.

6:23 Drew Have you ever had a relationship, a girlfriend?

6:26 Yeah.

6:26 Drew When was the last time you had one?

6:28 Back in high school.

6:30 Drew And how long did that last for?

6:33 Eight months.

6:34 Drew And where are you meeting girls now?

6:36 Bars, you know, whatever.

6:38 Drew Bad idea. But people don't necessarily have a relationship.

6:41 Adam Where were you deployed?

6:43 I was ever in Kuwait. I did two tours over there.

6:47 Adam Is a tour always one year?

6:51 Not really. Like, in a Navy, your deployment is only supposed to be like six months minimum. But it's always not enough being like nine months. And then I left the ship.

7:00 Adam Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. So a tour would be six months?

7:06 Yeah, I guess. I mean, not that long.

7:07 Drew Is a tour and a deployment the same thing?

7:10 Yeah, basically.

7:11 Adam All right. So you, like in Vietnam, a tour was one year.

7:15 Right.

7:15 Drew Maybe the Army has a different thing.

7:17 Adam Well, he said he's in the Navy.

7:18 Drew I know. He's six months in the Navy.

7:19 Adam Oh, I see. In the Navy, it's usually six months. So you were there like 18 months?

7:26 Well, first, I was over there for like seven months. But I kind of switched jobs while I was over there. So they-

7:32 Drew From what to what? Out of curiosity.

7:35 I was a Boatswains mate.

7:37 Adam Drew, everyone's a Boatswains mate. You realize that? Remember I said that? There's nobody in the Navy. Admiral Nimitz is a Boatswains mate. Yeah. No one exactly knows that that is exactly-

7:50 Drew I know what it isn't, though.

7:51 Adam We know what it isn't. That's right. It's one of those process of elimination job.

7:54 Drew It's not a fighter pilot.

7:55 Adam Doesn't work in the engine room.

7:56 Drew Right. Not an engineer.

7:57 Adam It's not the guy in the deck with the flags. Right. So Paul, you were on a ship. What kind of ship?

8:05 I was an amphibious transport dock ship.

8:09 Adam Well, see, this is better than being in the dirt, freaked out every time a car pulls up next year, right?

8:16 Well, yeah, but I was in the dirt the second time I was there. So.

8:19 Adam Oh, what did you transfer into?

8:21 I was a CB the second time around.

8:23 Oh, what's that?

8:24 Adam Construction battalion.

8:25 Oh.

8:26 There we go.

8:27 Adam Fighting CBs. You know what they do?

8:29 Drew Build bridges and stuff?

8:30 Adam Yeah. But they got to fight too.

8:33 Drew Fight their way in to build the stuff.

8:34 Adam Well, let me explain. No, they don't fight their way in, but let's say you're taking over an island in Japanese waters. The CBs, Construction Battalion, they got to come in there and make a landing strip. Then they're trying to make a landing strip, but they're getting shot at. Wow. Now, they didn't overtake the island per se. They may have been involved with the campaign. Well, no, not yet, but the Marines and whoever takes the island.

9:01 Drew I see.

9:02 Adam Then they come in and start working, but there's still some pockets of hostility. See what I'm saying? Yeah. You got a hammer in one hand and a M1 in the other. Nice. That's me.

9:12 Drew That's how you work. That's how you did carpentry, isn't it?

9:14 Adam That's how we work. Yeah. Hammer in one hand and an M1 in the other.

9:18 Drew That's cool.

9:19 Adam Yeah. I mean, could you get any more manly than that? That's more manly than that. What are you doing? Now, I take about three swings of hammer, then I fire a couple of rounds, then I take a few more swings of hammer, then I fire a few more rounds again.

9:33 Drew We'll talk to our manly buddy, Paul.

9:35 All right.

9:35 All right, buddy.

9:37 Adam Paul?

9:38 Yeah.

9:39 Adam What were you guys building?

9:42 We, well, my battalion was over there. They rebuilt like police precincts, schools for the Iraqi children. We also helped build like the longest bridge in CB history. Fun stuff like that.

9:56 Adam That was 12 feet, by the way. They don't have that rich of history, I got to be honest.

10:01 Actually, it was 11 feet, 11 inches.

10:03 Adam All right. Almost 12. I round up. All right. So now, so you did that and that was hostile. Shots being fired?

10:12 Yeah. Shots fired, explosions. Some, like what we thought were chemical attacks, so we had to get in our gear and everything.

10:21 Adam No.

10:22 Drew Nice.

10:23 Adam That would be the world's worst marine or CB with the chemo. In 110 degree heat. Really, it'd be 121 degrees.

10:30 Drew Oh man, would you whine.

10:31 Adam First off, I would have been whining anyway. Then all of a sudden, you hear some siren going off or something and you'd be like, I don't know if this is a drill or not, but we're going to need you to get in the hazmat suit. I'd be like, for the love of Christ. Look, even if it's not, I'll have a little heads up. I mean, I'll see the cloud coming, right?

10:50 Drew You're like, I'd rather go than put this suit on.

10:53 Adam Yeah. The mustard gas not going to be so bad. Drew knows firsthand because once when we were traveling, some kid let off the fire alarm about 4.30 in the morning.

11:02 Drew Oh yeah.

11:04 Adam There was Drew, I could see him through the window of my room.

11:06 Drew There was Adam laughing like a maniac.

11:09 Adam Everyone filed out on the lawn of the hotel and I just sat in my room. I was like, I ain't going out there. It's too late. I thought, here's what I thought. If a push comes to shove, I'm going to throw this chair through this window and I'll jump out. It's two stories. I'll make it. I mean, I'll eff myself up, but I'll make it. But once I decided I will live. You slept. No, I watched you on the lawn in your bathrobe for 15 minutes, and then then went to sleep with a smile on my face. Yeah, nothing better than seeing everybody. You want to sleep good? You want to feel good about yourself? Don't worry about a down comforter. Have everybody in the hotel pile out under the front lawn in the middle of winter at 4.30 in the morning. You watch them through your window. That makes you sleep well. You know what I'm saying, Drew? Think about the relative part of life.

11:55 Drew Yeah. All right, Paul. Gratifying envy, that's cool.

11:58 Adam Yeah, thank you. So you want to meet chicks?

12:02 Well, I mean, it's not hard for me to meet chicks. I mean, I can go up to anybody. It seems like my friends would use me to go up to all these girls and everything. And then it's in the bathroom or something.

12:12 Adam Funky.

12:14 They throw their game down.

12:15 Adam I want to say the Crucial Block. I don't know if you could say C Block. I don't know if you can say C Ring. C Block just sounds like a bad prison.

12:30 Drew Movie.

12:31 Adam Where are you at? C Block. Oh, man, that's rough. What you do?

12:37 Drew So he's got C Block.

12:38 Adam I'm over at C Ring.

12:41 That's brutal.

12:42 Drew While in the John.

12:44 Adam No, no, no.

12:45 Drew Yeah. He went to the bathroom and they-

12:46 Adam Yeah. He's just saying he's so good-looking and so charismatic that he'll draw the ladies in and then go to the bathroom. His buddies will jump in. All right. I'm starting to think Paul's a D head. For you're about to see blocking. All right. Look, Paul, you're back. You got a world of experience under your belt. Don't go to the bars. I agree with Drew.

13:18 Drew Have the friends set you up.

13:21 Adam Just get going in your life. I mean, look, it sounds trite, but do what you want to do, whatever your work is, whatever your passions are. What is your work now?

13:29 What is it?

13:29 Drew What are you going to do?

13:31 What's that?

13:31 Drew What are you going to do for work now?

13:34 I work in construction right now.

13:36 Drew Oh, how does he meet women that way?

13:38 Adam You don't meet women in that. The only chick you see in construction is the fat Mexican chick who works on the roach coach. They start falling in love with her.

13:49 Drew You mean the food wagon?

13:50 Adam Marisol was mine. I got an erection every time they honked that horn. Yeah, you do. That's the hottest chick you'll see. That will be the only and the hottest chick you'll see in construction is the husky Mexican chick working in the roach coach.

14:08 Drew So what does he do? He lives in Pittsburgh. They don't have Mexicans there.

14:10 Adam They don't? I gotta get out. I mean, oh, Paul?

14:15 Yeah.

14:16 Adam You don't have Mexicans there?

14:17 Not really.

14:18 Adam Who does the construction work? Who does all the masonry work?

14:25 I don't know. I do concrete.

14:28 Adam Oh, that's masonry work, though, isn't it?

14:31 Well, I'm not really laying block or brick. It's sidewalks, pads, bases for the buildings and stuff.

14:38 Adam Yeah. Still consider that. That's a mason. You're being the mason's union if you're in the union, right? If.

14:43 I'm not in the union.

14:45 Adam Right, right. But you're mason. I'm telling you. Point is, all right, all right.

14:50 Drew Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't go there.

14:54 Adam Who does all the masonry work? I couldn't tell you. I do concrete work. Yeah, that's masonry. Okay. I thought he's going to say, I do the home theater systems in the house. I do the air filtration. No, he's a mason. All right. Michelle, look at Mason. I got white guys over there. All right. I would find that distracting. I like my Latin brethren. You know why? They're not chatty. They mind their business. They go to work. You know what I mean? Don't talk to you about all the chicks they could have nailed and all the C blocking. Yeah. All right. Paul's a little bit of a D head. Yes. But we're glad he served the country and all that stuff.

15:34 Drew He just needs to settle down.

15:35 Adam He's still full of his crap a little. He's 23.

15:37 Drew Yeah. He's 23. Relax. Spend a little time.

15:39 Adam Stop treating women like they're souvenirs. Yeah. Just go find one you like who treat her like a human being and send her goats.

15:47 Drew Maybe you want to focus on your career a little bit and figure out what it is you do want to do. Something that you actually know what you are.

15:52 Adam Got to get in that union. Jenny, it's great doing foundation work in January in Pittsburgh.

15:59 Drew I was going to say, which would be worse, being one of those CB units or?

16:03 Adam The Pittsburgh gates, of course. Jenny?

16:06 Yes.

16:07 Adam You're 20?

16:08 Caller Yes.

16:08 Adam What's up, baby?

16:11 Caller Well, my ex-boyfriend, I've been still sleeping with him off and on. Every time we do something, it always hurts.

16:21 Drew More because you're nervous and anxious. You're having sex with a guy that you know isn't interested in.

16:28 Caller My baby's daddy.

16:29 Drew Yeah, but he's not interested in- Yeah, that changes everything.

16:32 Adam Well, if he's sired a child, then he's going to be there long-term. As you know from listening to the show, there's nobody who calls in that doesn't have a father, loving father.

16:42 Drew There's no child left behind.

16:45 Adam No, none should be left behind. Okay. So, these are babies, yeah?

16:51 Caller I gave him up for adoption.

16:53 Oh, you did?

16:54 Adam Yeah.

16:56 Drew Jenny.

16:56 Adam Can send you out of Windbreaker, baby.

16:58 Drew Statue in Oklahoma City in your honor.

17:00 Adam That's right.

17:03 Drew No.

17:03 Adam Okay. Jenny.

17:04 Caller Yes.

17:05 Adam So, do you have one of those open adoptions?

17:08 Caller Yes, I do.

17:10 No?

17:11 Adam I think she said no.

17:13 Drew We're being facetious, but all seriousness, you were to be congratulated for giving that child a chance when you're not ready to be a mom. That's fantastic. Now, so you have nothing keeping you with this guy. So even though you guys had a child together, there's no child that you're rearing together. He is merely having sex with you. He doesn't care about you. He's not interested in you. And you on some level must know that, make you nervous. And that gives you a little bit of muscle spasm down there, makes it hurt.

17:37 Caller Okay.

17:37 Adam Or it's cause you got raped when you were nine.

17:40 Caller Well. Actually, I have gotten raped before, but I was 17.

17:45 Drew Well, that usually means some sexual abuse before that.

17:49 Caller I got molested growing up by my grandpa.

17:52 Drew There we go.

17:53 Adam How old were you?

17:53 Drew It completes the cycle.

17:55 Caller I was around seven. When it started.

17:57 Drew I can hear the seven-year-old.

17:58 Adam When I went with nine. Well, there you go, baby.

18:02 Caller Thank you.

18:02 All right.

18:03 Drew Wait, wait, wait.

18:04 Whoa, whoa.

18:04 Adam You gotta get some help with that.

18:05 Drew You were sexually abused. You've been rendered a victim of that. That's why somebody took advantage of you when you were an adolescent. Now, you found a nice abandoning, neglectful a-hole to try to long for. And he's not there. It's not him. You've got to have a real relationship. Now, whether you could handle a real relationship or not remains to be seen. And if you can't, you need some help with that.

18:25 Caller Well, actually, I got into a serious relationship where we were talking about getting married and everything. And I got scared.

18:32 Drew And that's what I'm saying.

18:34 I'm not making any reason to kind of...

18:36 Drew Right. You sabotage. That's what I'm saying, Jenny. When you've been abused like you have, you will find reasons to sabotage a real relationship. The fact that you're able to have one is nice, that you could even get in. But now you've got to figure out a way to stay.

18:47 Okay.

18:48 Adam All right.

18:49 Drew You've got to go back and have sex with the guy who doesn't care about you.

18:51 Adam And listen, everybody, you know, you always do that. Oh, you can't, you always put words in their mouth. They call, they want to know about their boyfriend. And then you're like, you were molested. And they're like, no, I wasn't. And then you're like, yes, you were. And then they're like, OK, could I ask my question? Kiss my ass, all you people. When people get this vaginismus stuff or this clamp down action, it's because something happened and doesn't say anything on the screen about her and her grandpa or any of this rape, anything. We just can tell.

19:20 Drew Yeah.

19:20 Adam And she needs to address that. You guys want us to talk about why she's clamping down on the thing. That is not the problem. And it can be cured by her working on this aspect of it.

19:34 Drew Now, even though we know we're right here, I should say she also should see a gynecologist, get a PAPS here and make sure they're not something anatomical or infectious going on.

19:42 Adam Grandpa raping you at seven and eight will do it. Hold on a second, Drew. I'm angry now. So she's got to get some therapy.

19:49 Drew Yeah.

19:50 Adam Let me say this. I was driving in tonight and you know how I go ballistic on these big, expensive freeway signs we have, big electronic billboard freeway signs.

20:00 Drew That's saying, that's give us useful, tons of useful information every night.

20:03 Adam Yeah. Well now, ironically, all they do is slow traffic down because they give those Amber Alerts. And half those Amber Alerts, well, I wouldn't say half. I'll make it three-quarters of those Amber Alerts is drunken dad going over and collecting daughter to spend a night at his apartment after a little blowout with the ex-old lady.

20:23 Drew Absolutely.

20:23 Adam We got to stop the traffic. I'm fine with the Amber Alert thing. Kid goes missing, fire up the sign. Good idea. Let everyone know to look out in this case for a Honda with a broken rear window. That's fine. Those signs were not put there for that. They were there to alert you as to the traffic conditions, which ironically they never do as was the case on last night or the night before when I was driving home and my off ramp was completely shut off and I had to be diverted to get off the freeway and so on and so forth. Why can't they tell you that the off ramp that clearly that the westbound 101 from the 110 is closed?

21:02 Drew Clearly, they can tell you. Obviously, they can tell you. They'd rather taunt you with information about freeways in the next county. They'd rather tell you about the DeVore Pass, the El Toro Y. Just in case you're going to be on the road for an hour and a half, you might want to plan ahead.

21:18 Adam Here's the thing. I know Ernst and I are going to be complaining, but you understand we spent millions of dollars, millions for these big high-falutin electronic.

21:28 Drew Just for the 84 Olympics.

21:29 Adam Freeway signs. Yes, but they've put many up since then.

21:32 Drew Yeah, you're right.

21:32 Adam They are black as the back of the goddamn moon every effing night except for if some kid gets abducted, in which case they fire up immediately. And by the way, this stuff didn't happen two weeks ago. It happened that evening. Right. Pow. Immediately. Lit up. Good. That's a good use for them. The original use was to tell me that the off ramp is closed and I'll not be getting off the 110 and I'll be diverted into downtown LA at 1 a.m. where I can get off and get on some surface streets and circle around when I could have easily just got off on an off ramp earlier and cut across the way I would have wanted to go. But no, they don't fire up the signs for that. Who and when is my question? You guys and here, let me ask you this, Drew. Is it some rogue team of road workers that have set out on their own to deal with this ramp on 12 midnight on Monday night? Come on, buddy, we're going to take care of that ramp. Shouldn't we alert the boss? No way, Stooley. We're going. We need an explosives expert. We need a knife thrower. We need a computer hacker and a beautiful face woman to. Yeah.

22:42 Drew What's Fopky Jensen doing?

22:43 Adam Yeah, we got to get her. No, you guys have scheduled this a month in advance.

22:47 Caller How about you tell the guys to work the thing?

22:49 Adam Tell the guy that works the sign. I passed eight of the good damn signs on the way to the, on the way to the off ramp that's closed so I can't get on my freeway. Nobody wants to fire the sign up.

23:01 Drew Nobody. I think the ultimate irony, though, is that-

23:03 Adam But Drew, is there anything under the sun? Could you think of a reason?

23:08 Drew Let's think about it. It's probably Caltrans that operates the sign. So they're guys out on the road doing construction. That's for what they will not fire it up for. No.

23:15 Adam This town is just one pack of just Mongoloid retards. I don't know who's running it or who's in charge or who's in- What are they doing? All right. But serious priority on stopping people with no front license plate. No other infraction but no front license plate. That? Job one, baby. Job f-ing one.

23:40 Drew Parking tickets, job one.

23:41 Adam Parking tickets, job one. Pulling over motorists with no front license plate. Job two and alerting people as the conditions on the freeway. I would say it's job 500, but they don't do it at all. So I don't know if it even gets the word job in front of it, unless you put blow in front of that. Idiots. Who runs things in this town? Is there anybody? Who's in charge? What goes on? I've talked to the cops about it. I'm like, what's going on? Why don't you turn the sign on? We don't know who does that. Nobody knows. I'm going to pack my car full of explosives and drive right. That's where you're going to find me, Drew. Well, here's what happens. I'm going to get diverted off the freeway in the middle of the night after passing 10 of these signs, it didn't tell me anything about it. Then I load the car up with dynamite and I just drive it right into one of the signs. Now I'm going in the sign. It'll be gone, but it won't matter, just be one less amber alert.

24:37 Drew On a happier note, iPod Shuffle. We're giving one away again tonight. 23 tunes from iTunes. If you hear the song Numb Encore by Linkin Park and Jay-Z, which I promise will be played as a bumper coming out of commercial in the next hour or so, the 1-800-LOVE-191, it'll be the first person to say iPod Shuffle and you win.

24:57 Adam Fantabulous.

24:58 Drew Let's go to break.

24:58 Adam All right. We'll be back after this. Yeah, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er. Here we go.

25:39 Drew Stay with the calls.

25:40 Adam Focus. All right.

25:41 Drew Break it down.

25:42 Adam All right.

25:45 Caller Yeah.

25:46 Adam Sixteen?

25:47 Caller Yeah.

25:48 Adam Boyfriend's a virgin?

25:50 Caller Yeah.

25:51 Adam You're experienced?

25:52 Caller Yes, I am.

25:53 Drew What does that mean?

25:55 Caller That means that I've had a lot of sexual encounters in the past.

26:00 Drew With one guy? Multiple guys?

26:02 Caller Multiple guys.

26:03 Drew How many guys?

26:04 Caller About eight.

26:06 Drew Sixteen?

26:08 Adam She said eight. Come on, Drew.

26:10 Drew But what's all the... What's the hurry?

26:15 Caller Well, I'm having problems with like, yeah, I just really want to just have him get down my pants. But I don't know. I don't want to like take his virginity and make him regret it. Because I kind of regret losing mine, so I feel bad.

26:27 Drew There is not a male on earth that regrets losing his virginity. So that's not the deal here.

26:32 Adam I regret it didn't happen a little earlier.

26:34 Drew Right. The males do not get that experience.

26:36 Adam Eleven-year-old guys are pissed they had to wait that long.

26:39 Drew Right, right. So now you may not want the responsibility of the sort of attachment he gets to you. That certainly can happen sometimes where guys get really attached. And that could be problematic.

26:51 Adam Yeah, the virgin guys get clingy.

26:54 Caller Well, my past relationships are really bad and I haven't had...

26:58 Drew So what's going on? Why all these partners? Why all these bad relationships?

27:02 Caller Well, each guy that I get with says that they're going to treat me right, or I just like this guy, but I know he's not going to treat me right and he even admits it, but I...

27:11 Drew So why are you attracted to A-holes?

27:14 Caller I don't know. I just grew up with them, so...

27:18 Drew Well, we think you grew up before high school with them, like in your family.

27:22 Caller Yeah.

27:23 Drew Your dad was an A-hole, right?

27:25 Caller Yeah.

27:26 Drew What did he do to you?

27:28 Caller He didn't really do anything. He just... I don't know. He tells me all this stuff, like he's really rude and tells me you can't do this, and he'll threaten me instead of explain why.

27:39 Drew Well, just explain to him that now that he's indoctrinated you in that fashion, you find idiots and jerks incredibly attractive.

27:46 Caller And he hasn't really been in my life that much. When I was little, I'd see him for an hour every weekend, if likely.

27:53 Adam All right.

27:54 Drew Well, you strike me, Amanda, as an excellent candidate for treatment. I gotta tell you this, because you're... The ones that really trauma survivors give us that hostility feeling, I don't get that from Amanda. So that means if she could just form a stable attachment to a therapist, there's hope for her that you might then also find nice guys, reasonable guys.

28:13 Caller My last therapist, I was a nympho, so I really don't like him.

28:18 Adam All right. Well, that's that.

28:19 Caller Yeah.

28:20 Adam Well, there's nothing you can do then.

28:22 Caller Well, I just want to know how long I should wait until we have sex.

28:26 Adam Like three days.

28:27 Caller Three days?

28:29 Adam Three days.

28:30 Caller Okay. We've been going out for about two days.

28:33 Adam I know, but three days, but I didn't get to finish. That's after May 1st.

28:40 Okay.

28:41 Adam All right. So that would be the 4th of May? Okay, 4th of May.

28:45 Drew Now, here's the deal, Maddie.

28:47 Adam She doesn't like her shrink. She called her a nympho. Just everyone, just forget it and don't do anything. I like when people have bad run-ins with the shrink and that's it.

29:02 Drew Well, you're bad running. You're just telling her she's sexually compulsive, which she is.

29:07 Adam I'm sure you used the term nympho.

29:08 Drew Right, because there's that word. Please get her back on here. We've got to work a little bit. Amanda.

29:14 Caller Yeah.

29:15 Drew The term nympho doesn't mean anything. So what did your therapist actually say to you?

29:18 Caller She said that I have sex too much and that I use it to, like, because I blame my father and stuff. And she says that I just have sex all the time for no apparent reason.

29:28 Drew That's true. Yeah, so your therapist knew what she was talking about. So yeah, I used her telling you what's really going on in your life as a reason to abandon her. Now, maybe maybe she didn't show skill in terms of exposing you to this stuff a little more and more tolerable doses. You know, maybe she should have been a little jet. But the fact is she's right. And if you don't do something about this, you're going to be I mean, this can be bad times for you, Amanda.

29:55 Yeah, you're smart.

29:56 Caller I haven't had sex for four months.

29:58 Drew Oh, well, that's different. Then go right ahead. Then you're missing the whole point.

30:02 Adam Yeah, like just stick with the virgin guy. And then make sure you sabotage it a little bit later. Okay. Get him out of there.

30:10 Drew That's what you'll do.

30:11 Adam Make sure you let him know how many guys you're with.

30:13 Caller Oh, he knows. He knows everything.

30:15 Drew Dr. Nettie.

30:15 Caller He told me he doesn't want to have sex until I feel I'm ready. But the problem is, I don't feel he's ready.

30:20 Adam Yeah.

30:20 Drew Well, whatever.

30:22 Adam Hey, Amanda, how about you just give guys breaks? How about you take a little break from guys in general?

30:28 Caller I've been doing that for four months and it's so long.

30:31 Adam How about you study and make friends or something?

30:35 Drew Do something productive for you.

30:36 Adam All right. Look, let me explain what's wrong with all you nutty broads out there. You don't like women. You don't have friends. So men just become your opiate. That's it. Daddy abuses you a little bit. Daddy doesn't pay attention to you. And now everyone has to pay attention to you. And you become some sort of cup with no bottom on it. Just you can't take, you'll never be filled up.

31:02 Drew You only feel good when the penis is in you and that's it.

31:05 Adam That's right.

31:06 Drew Otherwise, you feel empty.

31:07 Adam Now, I don't even know if it's that part. It's the part where the guy wants to put his penis in you that feels so good. And then it's off to the next stooge and you sabotage. And then once in a while, somebody like Drew tells you, you get a little therapy and you mock it. And so eventually, you just get pregnant, you get walked out on, you get a kid, and then you pass that screwed up gene to the kid, and you have the kid up, and so it goes.

31:30 Drew Or you get to have a nice daughter, and you now married an a-hole guy, so she can be acted upon by your a-hole husband.

31:36 Adam Yeah.

31:37 Drew And repeat the cycle.

31:38 Adam It's perfect. So here's what I'm saying, everyone. Don't even try. Just keep doing what you're doing. That's all I'm saying. Tiffany? Yeah? Hold on a second. I was saying, I was yelling at my friend, the wheeze, yesterday that, you know, everyone you know that's worth an ass has changed in some way, shape or form. It's, it's, it's, as a human being, it's really the greatest gift.

32:01 Drew Were you telling the wheeze to change?

32:03 Adam I was telling him the friends we have that aren't doing so well are the ones that have changed the least. And as human beings, really the one thing that really separates you from the animal world is the change part.

32:17 Drew The growth.

32:18 Caller The growth part.

32:19 Adam Yeah. Otters don't need to grow, polar bears don't need to grow, and even if they needed to, they couldn't really do anything about it. They just can't. They're, they're so locked into their biology that they just can't, instinctual biology, they just can't, they got to hibernate during this time and they got to forge for berries during that time and they got to hump during this time. And then they got to fight and then they die. And that's about it. As a human, you have all the biology too, but you get the part where you get to go, no, I'm not gonna make this mistake again. Right. And you could actually not do it. Right. Nobody, or seemingly nobody wants to take advantage of that, what I think is an incredible opportunity, they just want to sweep it under and just go back to, basically once you're just a salmon at a certain point.

33:05 Drew Yeah, they just want to feel good in the moment. Just need to feel better now.

33:09 Adam Yeah. You're no different than an animal at that point. People take advantage of the fact that you can metamorphosize. You can do anything you want. Probably not going to do it, but theoretically, you can. You can treat your life like a gin rummy hand, discarding the cards that don't work and collecting the ones that do. That's how you got to treat it. You're looking at your cards and you go, don't need this one, do need that one. Eventually, you get a killer hand going. Nobody starts off that way, rarely get it dealt to you. Get, what do you got? Nine, 12 cards? How many cards do you have in gin? Is it 12? Well, let's just say. They deal out like the whole deck, I think. The point is, you got 12 cards, seven of them are going to suck. That's how it works. You start kicking them out. You people don't want to kick them out. You hang on to them and defend them. I need the Three of Spades. Really? Doesn't look like it. I'm hanging on to it.

34:12 Drew Reminds me of my dad.

34:13 Adam Yeah. Then when I tell you to discard it, you get angry and grab it even tighter and defend it.

34:16 Drew You know what you're talking about.

34:17 Adam Right.

34:18 Drew I'm leaving.

34:18 Adam Listen, you're human beings. You're not animals. We can change. We can get better. Yes?

34:23 Drew Yeah. Just getting them to do the change.

34:26 Adam All right.

34:26 Drew Oh man. Sustaining the change.

34:29 Adam I'll tell you, when I'm home tonight, drinking my red wine and beaten off in the sink, I'm going to be thinking about how pathetic you guys are.

34:35 Drew Now, speaking of pathetic, you've sort of broadened out your sink experience there.

34:40 Adam Oh, being off?

34:41 Drew It's peeing in the sink. We got up to speed with that last night, but now you're beat off. You're going to start crapping in the sink.

34:47 Adam Start.

34:48 Drew Oh, dude.

34:50 Caller Oh, no.

34:51 Adam Yeah. You should see the aero bathroom.

34:54 Caller Oh, yeah.

34:54 Adam Oh, yeah. Left a nice present for Uncle Joe. Nice. In there, yeah. No, no. No, I don't. This sink is not attached. It's a sink I carry around. I have a, you know, like the soda vendors at the ballgame. I actually have a sink that just traps onto my waist with a shoulder harness and I should walk around with it.

35:14 Drew Behind you?

35:14 Adam No, no. It's in front of me.

35:15 Drew Oh, the sink for you to pee and beat off in, I see.

35:17 Adam Yeah. Yeah. It's not attached to anything.

35:18 Drew Where's the drain go? Just down.

35:21 Adam I'm not sure. Just down.

35:23 Drew Another drain.

35:24 Adam Just it vents out of my slippers. The point is, it's a mobile sink. It's about 70 pounds. It's porcelain. Yeah. You ready to roll here, Drew? Here we go. Let's take some calls. Let's go, buddy. Let's go. Let's break it down. Tiffany?

35:37 Yeah.

35:38 Adam What's happening?

35:40 Well, I'm dating this guy in the army, and I've dated him for about two months. But I've only spent like a toll of two weeks with him, and he wants to get married, and I'm considering it, but everybody told me it's a bad idea.

35:54 Drew Wait, how old is he? You've been together with him for two weeks?

35:58 No. I've seen him a total of two weeks. I've been with him for like two months.

36:02 Drew Yeah. Do not get married if you're seeing somebody for two weeks. That's ridiculous.

36:05 Adam Especially if he's in the military.

36:07 Get on your knees, scumbag.

36:09 Drew Military or not. Spend a little time finding who he is.

36:11 Caller True.

36:11 Adam I know you don't like to make fun of the military guys, but listen, you don't know these guys and they don't know you, and they go away for a year and then they come back. You don't recognize them.

36:26 Caller Right.

36:27 Adam You don't have any. You sent a few emails back and forth and built the dream. A camouflage dream, Drew. Heavy. Yeah. Where are you escaping? What are you looking to get away from?

36:40 Caller I don't know.

36:41 Drew What's going on in your home? What's going on in your home that you want to get out of there so fast?

36:45 I'm actually living on my own.

36:48 Drew How's that going? How's that going?

36:52 Stressful.

36:53 Drew Why?

36:54 But I always have. I don't know. But I just got a relationship too with a guy for three years.

36:59 Drew Just got out of the relationship?

37:01 Yeah. I met this guy. I met him when I was dating the other guy.

37:04 Drew How do you support yourself?

37:06 I have a job.

37:08 Drew Adam, make note.

37:09 Adam Oh, really?

37:10 Drew Supports herself with a job.

37:11 Oh, I walk door to door.

37:14 Adam She walks door to door. I support myself, Drew, by making those paper footballs and flicking them through guys who are holding their fingers up like goalposts.

37:25 Drew Yeah, you would never-

37:26 Adam She has a job.

37:26 Drew You never stoop to a job.

37:27 Adam She has a job?

37:28 Drew That's weird.

37:30 Adam How do you support yourself with a job? Tiffany?

37:34 Yeah.

37:34 Adam Tell us more about this job thing you have.

37:37 It's a water softener and I get water samples from people's houses and I make pretty good money.

37:42 Adam No. Go door to door. They give you the water. You say, this is hard water, this is a high calcium thing.

37:50 Drew You put a little chemical in it that pulls the minerals out.

37:54 Adam Then you talk about how the wash will come out better, how they're showered. It really, it makes things work like your shampoo hasn't been working. It gets activated. Yeah, Tiffany, have you ever sampled anyone's water when it checks out? I'm going to keep going.

38:12 Wait, what?

38:13 Adam Have you ever sampled anyone's water and had it check out and try to sell them anything?

38:19 I don't sample the water. I take the water and then we have Repset do it. I just take the water and then I leave. I get their number and we call them back. I get a sample at the house and it meets all of the city standard, but the water can only be better.

38:33 Adam Yeah.

38:34 Drew The water can always be better.

38:36 Adam Okay.

38:37 Drew All right.

38:37 Adam Well, look, you got a decent job. You have female friends? No, not really. I don't like girls. I know. I was talking about this earlier. You girls need friends.

38:48 Drew You do. You have to learn to love.

38:49 I don't know how every guy has friends in his two-face. You can't trust them. I trust guys a lot more.

38:54 Adam Yeah.

38:55 Drew You got to learn to accept women with their flaws.

38:58 I do accept them and then they stab you in the back.

39:01 Drew Yeah. Accept them with their flaws and try to sustain friendships through adversity.

39:06 Adam Look, everybody, especially those, I speak for myself here who aren't particularly close with their family. Your friends, man, that's everything. Everything.

39:18 Drew Everything. You build a self based on relationships. That's how that happens. If you don't have a close infant family system, you have to develop intimate relationships in order to build the systems in your brain for regulating emotions.

39:30 Adam Drew's not a friend guy. But Drew's weird. Drew likes people. He just doesn't have any friends. It's strange. It's weird. But now, on the other hand, your family's a pain in the ass, but they're close, intrusively close, cheaply intrusively close. But the point is, you're a weird batch because you have a family that's like intact and is sort of present, but a little intrusive. So you went outside the house, and you had friends, but you don't really have friends in a traditional male sense. You have, there's like couples you go out to eat with, and you have acquaintances and stuff like that, but you don't really have buddies, even though you had buddies growing up, but maybe they weren't buddies like the kind of-

40:17 Drew Oh, they were.

40:17 Adam Thick as Steve's buddies.

40:19 Drew Not the way you were, but kind of, yeah, were.

40:21 Adam To me, your family wasn't effed up enough to send you out into the streets.

40:26 Drew Right.

40:26 Adam It really like a hookup, because when you have broken, effed up families, guys just band together. They become like a team.

40:32 Drew There's another thing.

40:33 Adam That's where gangs come in.

40:33 Drew You know what some of this too is that you stick with whoever you were with, circa 16 to 22, those are your male buddies, and those are the guys you go to. Those are your go-to guys.

40:44 Adam Right.

40:45 Drew Mine are all over the country. I get to see them once every 10 years or something. When we're together, it is like that.

40:51 Adam No.

40:51 Drew Yes.

40:52 Adam No.

40:52 Drew Oh, yeah.

40:53 Adam No, Drew.

40:53 Drew Yeah.

40:54 Adam No.

40:54 Drew I had a guy call me. I hadn't seen him like 12 years the other day. I was like, whoop, whoop, boom, right back.

40:57 Adam No.

40:58 Drew Yes.

40:59 Adam No, I haven't. I talked to him.

41:00 Drew No, you didn't.

41:01 Adam He said he just felt bad for you. And he was in town and he found out about it, so he had to call him.

41:07 Drew Oh, they're all intellectuals and writers and stuff, too.

41:09 Adam Yeah, a lot of beard scratchers and mock turtle necks, saying indubitably. All right. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this. Yeah, it's the love line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-er. Genevieve Gorder is an attractive last name, is coming in from TLC's Town Hall. They've been plugging the hell out of this show. She's like redoing an entire town. Wow. Saw a commercial for it tonight. Cool. Yeah, from the Learning Channel. Although they got rid of the- I was meeting with some TLC guys yesterday. They're like, it's TLC now. It's not the Learning Channel. We got the learning out of there because it's a bummer. People hear about, oh man, what? Learn? Freak out. Now, it's like hearing liver. Maybe the L stands for liver now.

42:44 Drew Nice.

42:45 Adam Yeah. I think it's like Lucifer now it stands for. But learning, Lucifer would be more popular than learning.

42:51 Drew Yeah.

42:51 Adam People are like, hey, I want to sit down and learn. Forget you.

42:56 Drew But the Lucifer channel, I mean.

42:58 Caller Yeah.

42:59 Adam I would watch that. Yeah. We got all devil themed. We got like Damnation Alley and a devil dog hound from hell and a devil's triangle.

43:13 Drew Bad Ronald.

43:14 Adam Well, he didn't have the devil. No, but you could show the exorcist.

43:19 Drew Yeah.

43:19 Adam You know what I'm saying? Devil used to be huge in the 70s, you guys. He's gone now. He doesn't really pop up too much anymore, but he was really popular. He had his own stretch of ocean. Is that popular? I mean-

43:32 Drew Ocean, TV series.

43:34 Adam Yeah.

43:35 Caller Movies.

43:35 Adam He was awesome. He was basically land-based, but he was amphibious because he would head out to Bermuda to the devil's triangle.

43:43 Drew And suck down airplanes.

43:45 Adam Well, sucking down airplanes, ships.

43:48 Caller Yeah.

43:48 Drew That's what it felt like.

43:49 Adam Yeah. How many- Growing up in the 70s, Drew, how many times did you see this shot, the compass spinning around? Weird Dutch camera with the compass spinning around?

44:02 Drew Yes.

44:02 Adam That always meant you were in the devil's triangle. Compass, just spinning like a dreidel. Yeah. Devil's triangle. Yeah. By the way, compass spinning around, does that mean you have to actually plow the plane into the water?

44:15 Drew Immediately.

44:16 Adam That's how it works?

44:17 Drew Yeah.

44:17 Adam So if you're in an airplane and the compass starts spinning, they just push the yoke straight down and just plow right into the ocean. Okay. All right. First off, that was considered an incredible special effect in the 70s too. We got a compass that spins around. Amazing. That's scary stuff. Compass spinning around when they take the camera and they Dutch it, they turn it a little sideways.

44:40 Drew I need to see a picture of a plane over the stretch of ocean.

44:43 Adam Yeah. A plane over the stretch of ocean, compass spinning around, Dutch the camera. Yeah. That's how you know the person dies when their head hits the rock after they fall too, when the camera duches, when the camera leans to one side. That's how you would know the person died. As opposed to hop up and go, man, that hurt. That means you're dead. When you're lying on the ground, they turn the camera sideways. There you go. That's dead. That's how you know. Ryan?

45:10 Yeah.

45:10 Adam You're 18?

45:11 Caller Yes, sir.

45:12 Adam What's up?

45:14 Caller My girlfriend, I try to get her to go down on me, but every time I do, she says she doesn't like the taste of my penis. But I'm a really clean guy, but I don't understand how it could taste bad. I thought it was just normal.

45:27 Drew You mean the skin or what comes out of it?

45:30 Caller She doesn't like the taste of it.

45:32 Drew She just doesn't like to have little sex.

45:34 Adam Yeah.

45:35 Caller No, she said she doesn't mind just the taste. I don't know, is there something I can do?

45:41 Adam This is probably bogus because this is really-

45:44 Drew Not a question.

45:45 Adam Sort of a non, is there something I can do?

45:48 Caller Really?

45:50 Adam Yeah. Here's what you can do. Take a piece of Duke, work it like they're putting pine tar on a bat, and then roll it in sprinkles.

46:00 Caller Well, she said it also might be because- There you go.

46:03 Adam Thanks. Listen, nice bogus question, Dilweed.

46:07 Caller Hey, I love you, Adam.

46:08 Adam Thanks, buddy. All right. Here's how you know it's a bogus question. I just want to know what to do. Yeah. I want to know what to do.

46:16 Drew What do I do?

46:17 Adam What do I do? She doesn't like the taste of my penis. Help. What do I do? Well, you could wash your penis. I'm sure you thought of that.

46:26 Drew But then rubbing in Duke, maybe you didn't think about that. That's the Corolla method, Duke in sprinkles.

46:31 Adam Well, what I do.

46:32 Drew Is you roll in Duke?

46:33 Adam No, what I do is I've actually carved a opening into my bed. I put one of those long, clear barber containers.

46:43 Drew The blue thing. The blue barberside.

46:45 Adam I sleep with the junk in that.

46:47 Drew The barberside, sure.

46:48 Adam In the barberside.

46:49 Drew Who doesn't?

46:49 Adam Sleep on my belly. I tuck the junk into the thing. If you climb under the bed, it looks bigger. It's like when they take a squid and they put it in formaldehyde.

46:59 Drew Sure, it looks good.

47:00 Adam It's big.

47:01 Drew That's nice.

47:01 Adam Yeah, it's nice. So it looks average. I just tuck the sack in there too.

47:07 Drew Why not?

47:08 Adam That's how I sleep.

47:09 Drew That's good.

47:10 Adam Yeah. During the winter, I'll warm it a little bit.

47:12 Drew It prevents wrinkles.

47:14 Adam Oh, yeah. Supple, supple.

47:16 Drew Your dartos tunic has far fewer wrinkles in it.

47:18 Adam No. My sack looks like a handball.

47:21 Drew Yeah, it's nice.

47:24 Adam Yours looks like a turkey's neck.

47:26 Drew Oh, yeah. How did you? Dennis, Dennis.

47:30 Adam Dennis who?

47:31 Drew I'm just thinking of the actor that played Little Big Man. Remember his face when he was the beginning of the film?

47:35 Adam Oh, Dustin Hoffman?

47:36 Drew Dustin Hoffman, yeah.

47:37 Caller Yeah.

47:38 Adam Looks like Dustin Hoffman's face from Little Big Man.

47:40 Caller Yeah.

47:41 Adam There you go, Drew. All right. We'll take a little break. We'll be right back after this. Yeah. What's up, y'all? It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Fun number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Let's get right back to the phones and speak to Sylvia, who's 21. Sylvia?

48:52 Caller Hi.

48:53 Adam Hey, what's up?

48:54 Caller Well, I have some questions for you guys. I thought that you might be able to help me. Basically, I got into a situation where I was modeling with an agency in Canada, and what they do with models that are starting out, I don't know if you've heard of it, the agency is called Next. It's on par with Ford or one of those agencies.

49:22 Adam I know all the Canadian modeling agencies.

49:24 Caller You do?

49:25 Drew Okay.

49:25 Caller So anyway, I was living in a modeling apartment that was in a separate apartment below the agency director's house. And so basically, a lot of my experiences while I was there included this guy being pretty much stoned all the time, and he would try and get me stoned all the time and offer me alcohol. And I had a boyfriend that was actually friends with him, and he would say things to me, like once he said to me, I would be doing you right now if you didn't have a, Matthew wasn't your boyfriend.

50:07 Drew So what's with your parents if they send you off to this white slave camp?

50:12 Caller Well, when I was 18, I went to New York to find a modeling agency, and I hooked up with my boyfriend and I went to Canada.

50:22 Drew What's with your parents if they send you away to a white slave camp?

50:24 Adam She was 18. She went to go on her own. She wanted to go to pursue modeling in New York.

50:29 Caller Yeah.

50:30 Drew Yeah, but what with exquisitely poor judgment, what's going on?

50:34 Caller I was in Australia and my parents had been separated since I was one and a half and my mother did make a bad choice and she knows that. But it-

50:49 Drew Hold on a second. She brought in a predator into the house?

50:52 Adam No.

50:52 Drew No, no, no.

50:53 Adam I think it's the modeling part.

50:55 Caller What? I'm American. I moved to Canada to do that when I was-

51:01 Drew What's your mom's bad choice?

51:04 Caller Well, that she just let me move to another country.

51:06 Drew I see. So you think you wish she had contained some of your enthusiasm a little bit, huh?

51:11 Caller Well, she kind of knew that I was really unhappy and that I wasn't being treated very well.

51:20 Drew Sylvia, you need to go back to school. You can't even, like, track.

51:23 Adam I'm sort of following her, but as I'm picturing, her is very hot, so I'm more forgiving. Okay, hold on a second. Drew, she's a model. What do you want?

51:33 Drew I want her to go back to school and become a human. By the way, the modeling part, if she really were that talented, she wouldn't have been making all these crazy decisions and getting exploited like that.

51:46 Adam Well, first, let me say a few things, Drew. Modeling is hard work.

51:49 Drew Yes.

51:50 Adam That's number one. Number two, it's about how you feel inside. Okay. It's not about.

51:57 Drew Number three, she was a tomboy.

51:59 Adam Yes, she was a tomboy.

52:00 Drew She never intended to be a model. Never. So I put up for a contest.

52:03 Adam Yes. That's the thing. It's not about what you look like on the outside. It's about the real models, the real supermodels. It's about what's on the inside. It's about what they exude. They exude sexuality. No, they don't exude sexuality. Guys want to F them because they're hot. That's different than exuding sexuality.

52:22 Drew It's like your car exuding sexuality, right?

52:25 Caller Yes.

52:29 Adam Here's the thing too. You don't need to exude sexuality when you got the nice features. You just don't. That is it. I don't care what you exude. You could exude just an orange push up out of your ass. I wouldn't care what you exuded. Just hold still and let me F you.

52:48 Drew Well, that's why guys are so interested in the pictures. There's nothing being exuded in those pictures.

52:51 Adam Just the form.

52:52 Drew Oh, no.

52:52 Adam Contrary.

52:53 Drew Just the form.

52:53 Adam Look at her eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Through the heroin haze, you can see her exuding her sexuality. I love that. It's like anything, but just admit they're hot and leave it at that. Oh, it's got to be how she's so expressive with her eyes. It's got to be how the camera loves her and she loves the camera. It's got to be how she lights up when the camera's in front of her. She exudes sensuality. She looks hot in a bathing suit. Guys, look at the pictures and beat off. Don't turn into more than that.

53:26 Drew It's very simple with that, isn't it? Yes. Very simple.

53:29 Caller Yes.

53:31 Adam Yes, it is. It's exactly what it's like. Yeah, that Corvette exudes sexuality.

53:36 Caller No, it looks good.

53:37 Drew It's the inside of a Corvette.

53:38 Adam I would like to drive it. That's how it works with guys. That looks nice. I wish I would like it to be mine. I would like to get into it. I would like to drive it around and I want to leave it at my garage and I don't want other guys messing with it. That's the way I feel about that good looking car. Now, the Vega wagon, I don't care if Chanel No. 5 comes out of the exhaust pipe. I ain't interested. I don't like the way that one looks. Exuding sexuality. See, what we do is modeling is just a mindless cosmic roll of the dice. Some chicks happen to be piping hot at 15 and 16, so they get to go to Europe and they get to dance around and make a ton of money. For some reason, calling it a sort of roll of the dice, meaning, you know, Cindy Crawford's parents got together, created some sort of incredible batch that created this. You know what I'm saying? That's it. All of them. Giselle, all of them. The one who broke her hip in the tsunami and everything. They're just smoking hot. That's all. We can't accept the whole sort of cosmic roll of the dice part and the part. They don't like the fact that it has nothing to do with them. So they start attributing all these things to them. Well, I exude sexuality. I'm very sensual and the camera loves me. You look good in underpants. That's it. They don't do that with guy models, by the way. Guy models, it's easy. It's like he's got a cleft in his chin that could hold a taco. He's got six pack abs and tight ass. What do you want?

55:11 Drew Bring it on.

55:12 Adam Yeah. This is no guy that exudes sexuality. He looks great with his shirt off. Done. We don't have to make excuses. Chick somehow it's bad. So if you just admitted you're good looking and people want to take pictures of you in your underpants, that somehow would be a very shallow existence. So we have to attribute all these things. So then once in a while, we'll send you to Washington. You speak to the Senate about the rainforest. Awesome. Then we start giving you stuff to talk about.

55:41 Yeah.

55:42 Adam Stupid models. Sylvia?

55:45 Caller Yeah.

55:46 Adam Okay. So you exude sensuality. Yeah?

55:50 Drew It's a while to bed.

55:51 Caller I think that you guys are absolutely right. And I think that what is what disturbs me is that a lot of young girls do, they are naive and it's just, yeah, it's the-

56:07 Drew Well, that's my point Sylvia. I blame the parents because you are naive because you're 17 or whatever you were when you get sucked into this thing. And it really is up to the big people who are responsible for you to help shape you and guide you and not become explained.

56:20 Caller Well, that makes me feel better because I kind of felt like a long time like, wow.

56:24 Adam Oh, hold on with the S word. And it sounds like a delight though, but here's the thing. What are you going to say, your dad's never been on the scene, you're 17, you're hot, your 18th birthday rolls around, you're going to New York to model. You think momma is going to stop you from her apartment and her crappy job?

56:43 Drew Well, that's the unfortunate part about being a single parent, whether it's just momma or just dad, it is a hard battle one on one. You got to have two on one.

56:52 Adam Right.

56:52 Drew You can't be in a zone or man to man. You got to have a double team. Got to be double teaming.

56:58 Adam Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah.

56:59 Drew Because otherwise the kids will run rough shot over you. There's a guy that does study. I blank out his name right now, but he does studies of.

57:06 Adam Like anybody would know.

57:08 Drew Yeah. It's got university. I think it's Wisconsin. He does attachment stuff and he studies. He said, what's the one thing you would give these women, single moms, he said, just a supportive partner. That's the one thing they need in order to do their job.

57:20 Adam Sylvia.

57:22 Caller Yeah.

57:22 Adam Don't use the S word on the air, please.

57:25 Caller I won't do it again.

57:27 Adam Okay.

57:27 Drew Or the F word or the C word.

57:29 Adam All right. Let me try to get to the bottom of this. You go to New York to model, you end up going to Canada to model.

57:35 Drew Yeah.

57:35 Adam They put you in one of those modeling apartments. Sometimes have tons of chicks in them. That's crazy. Anyway, then all the agents want to get in there. All right. There's a guy who's involved with the modeling agency, who's sort of a stoner, who makes rude comments and comes on to you.

57:53 Caller Yeah.

57:53 Adam All right. But so what?

57:54 Caller There's a lot of other sketchy things that I had noticed the longer that I stayed there between-

57:59 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, you go to Canada to model. You're going to get some dicey guys who want to sleep with you. But then what? All right. But what's the big deal? I mean, it's not a pleasant experience, but it's not going to ruin your life, is it?

58:13 Caller No. I think that that helped me to decide that that's not what I wanted to do.

58:21 Adam You don't want to model?

58:22 Drew Go to school. Go to school.

58:24 Adam Well, and why didn't you go to school?

58:26 Drew To develop. Figure out what you want to do.

58:28 Caller I mean, I actually, I have done that in between. I went to a good school in between.

58:34 Drew Where did you go?

58:36 Caller Chapman University. It's a film school. It's on, like, they're competing with USC right now. They're going to have the largest.

58:44 Drew You're talking about Down in Orange County by Disneyland? Yeah.

58:46 Caller They're going to have the largest backlog of any film school in the country.

58:50 Drew Sylvia's working all the time at Filament.

58:51 Caller Working on it, yeah.

58:53 Adam All right. All right, baby doll. And what's up now? You're working? No more modeling?

58:57 Caller No. I'm actually a storyboard artist now. I've been lucky. I got a job doing that, so.

59:04 Adam Good.

59:04 Drew That sounds cool.

59:05 Adam Good. And by the way, don't sell yourself short. It's not luck because you're hot. You went in there and it was like, who you want to hire? The chick with the big dumper, or the hot chick to do the storyboards? Hire the hot chick.

59:18 Drew Well, it could be a liability too.

59:20 Adam Look, that's hot chicks?

59:22 Caller Yeah.

59:23 Adam Let me say, I tell you, I watch these news magazines every Friday night.

59:28 Drew What the hell's the matter with you?

59:30 Adam That's my night to sit home and watch news magazines.

59:32 Drew That's your toys.

59:33 Adam That's my toy. Tommy Foo all of a sudden. So here's the thing. They do these tests, obviously. And again, they run out of material every once in a while. They do these tests and that's every second show. They've run out of stuff to talk about. Scott Peterson has cooled off. So instead of interviewing Scott Peterson's dog using a psychic, they do these things where they do these sort of no-duh tests. Like hey, it turns out two glasses of red wine a day turns out to be good for you. And a little caffeine. Yeah, thanks, A-holes. They do this one. They take the ugly chick and they have a breakdown by the side of the road and they have all these people just drive by. And then they have the hot chick breakdown by the side of the road and they have everyone stop and try to help them. Then they have the ugly chick go in and try the interview for the job and they have the hot chick go in and try the interview to the job and they do the same with guys. It works the same with guys.

1:00:24 Drew Oh, it does work the same? Guys, they have a sort of a threshold where guys start to do worse the better they look.

1:00:29 Adam No, we don't. We do not.

1:00:34 Drew How dare you?

1:00:34 Adam How dare you say we do because we do not? Literally, a beautiful millionaire. My point is, my point is, is good looking guys, good looking women.

1:00:47 Drew Have it easier.

1:00:49 Adam Well, you're attracted to them, aren't you? In a way that's bigger than any form, bigger than hiring some for a job.

1:00:57 Drew Yeah.

1:00:59 Adam Why shouldn't fall under that umbrella?

1:01:01 Drew Yeah.

1:01:01 Adam I mean, if you want to F them, and you want to sire their kids, would it be okay if they worked at your photo man?

1:01:09 Caller Right.

1:01:09 Drew You want to be around them.

1:01:11 Caller Yeah.

1:01:11 Adam That's really nothing compared to all the other things you'd like to do to them.

1:01:14 Caller Right.

1:01:15 Drew Right.

1:01:15 Adam Or four of them.

1:01:16 Drew Right.

1:01:16 Adam Okay. Makes sense, right? Listen, I'm not going to kid anybody. I know why I'm here, clearly. The point is, is I know it. Right. I appreciate it. I work at it. I didn't just get this way. You don't just wake up in the morning and look like this. Right.

1:01:37 Drew You just put some work in there.

1:01:38 Adam You got a regiment, of course. You got to work at it. I don't, you know, I can't help. I'm not going to make myself ugly. I'm not going to take a soldering iron to my face.

1:01:50 Drew Although you thought about it.

1:01:51 Adam So I can even the playing field. I realize I got this radio gig because of my, you know, matinee idol type looks.

1:01:58 Drew It's a God given gift and that you're not going to screw with that.

1:02:00 Adam I have to come in here and prove it every night. But obviously, the cash register, yeah.

1:02:06 Drew That got you in the door.

1:02:07 Adam That got me in the door. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you. Okay? I like when people say okay a lot. Okay? Okay? You hear me? Michelle, obviously you see what's going on here.

1:02:20 Caller Oh, I see it.

1:02:22 Adam I mean, if you're interested in the fellas, this fella would be at the top of the list, right?

1:02:28 Caller Yeah, of course.

1:02:29 Adam All right.

1:02:30 Drew You can't appreciate a good guy. You just sort of understand.

1:02:32 Caller Well, I understand.

1:02:34 Drew Yes. Yes.

1:02:35 Adam Yeah. And I could turn you out by the way.

1:02:37 Drew You're lesbian.

1:02:38 Adam I could bring you back. There's no doubt in my mind. I just tell you, your lady better hope I don't ever set my sights on you.

1:02:45 Drew What makes a good looking girl for you?

1:02:47 Adam Oh, that's interesting. What are you into?

1:02:53 Caller I mean, just like the normal person, I guess. Well, no.

1:02:56 Adam No?

1:02:56 Drew See, we're males and so that what's normal for us would not be normal.

1:03:00 Caller A beautiful, I think.

1:03:01 Drew So who's somebody?

1:03:02 Caller Anjali Jolie.

1:03:04 Adam Yeah. Dig her.

1:03:05 Caller All right. Charlize Theron.

1:03:07 Adam All right. You want to ask. I could still turn you around. But no, she's-

1:03:13 Drew You like the jugs like Adam does?

1:03:14 Adam She's a dude.

1:03:15 Caller No, I don't look at that. I look more at the face and the body.

1:03:19 Adam Yeah.

1:03:19 Drew Well, that's the body.

1:03:20 Caller Well, I don't stare at it.

1:03:21 Adam She's not a big jug guy.

1:03:22 Caller Not a big jug guy.

1:03:23 Adam But, you know-

1:03:24 Drew But Angelina.

1:03:25 Adam She's got a nice rack and I'm down with her and I'm down with Charlize. I mean, these are good calls.

1:03:31 Drew I'm saying. What is it that she looks at?

1:03:33 Adam I wonder-

1:03:34 Drew Guys will break down parts and things. They'll laser into different areas.

1:03:39 Caller Girls will do that too.

1:03:41 Drew On girls?

1:03:41 Caller Yeah.

1:03:42 Drew Do they do that on guys too?

1:03:43 Caller Definitely. I have a lot of straight girlfriends that just say, Oh yeah, I like his butt or I like his chest. Yeah, but they're like, Okay, what's for dinner? I mean, there's no desire attached to that, no drive.

1:03:53 Adam Well, I don't-

1:03:54 Caller No, there is. I have a straight girlfriend who loves the male anatomy.

1:04:01 Drew The phallus.

1:04:02 Caller Yes. She's just obsessed with it.

1:04:04 Drew She was abused.

1:04:04 Adam Don't bring her around here by the way. Here's what I'm saying, Drew.

1:04:09 Drew We got to talk to her by the way. Bring her in here.

1:04:11 Adam I also wonder, in the lesbian community, if a portion of the community is just attracted to women like we're attracted to women, and then there's a portion of the community that wants the dude she's, you know what I mean? The butch.

1:04:28 Drew Oh.

1:04:28 Adam You know what I mean? They're not looking for a beautiful woman. They're looking for a lesbian in a lumberjack kind of way. Yeah? Yeah. They're like to be almost the dude.

1:04:40 Caller Yeah.

1:04:40 Drew What about this thing I heard that is sort of a secret in the lesbian community that sort of not talked about that very frequently lesbian couples cease having sex after about six months?

1:04:50 Caller I think that's a myth. That's just like the whole married thing.

1:04:53 Drew No, no. I've talked to a lot of couples where they just sort of, without the penis, without the drive there, they're just sort of, hmm.

1:04:58 Adam The guy's not pushing it along.

1:04:59 Drew Right.

1:05:00 Caller Well, like a married couple, doesn't the sex die after?

1:05:04 Adam Not for the passionate Pinsky's.

1:05:05 Caller For the, exactly. Well, I've actually been.

1:05:07 Adam The mini series coming to Fox. The passionate Pinsky. Three parter. Should have been four. So much passion.

1:05:18 Drew Four modes flying all over the screen.

1:05:19 Adam That's right. Yeah. What'd you say is flying? Four modes.

1:05:23 Caller There's so much passion in this room.

1:05:25 Adam Well, look, that's the point. We don't want to digress. I'm hot. You want me. Drew's passionate. Let's get back to the phone.

1:05:34 Drew There we go.

1:05:34 Adam That's what I'm saying.

1:05:35 Drew Done.

1:05:35 Adam Justin?

1:05:37 Yeah.

1:05:37 Adam You're 23?

1:05:39 Caller Yeah.

1:05:40 Adam What's going on?

1:05:41 Caller Well, I had a question about, I heard Drew say a couple of times that you shouldn't spank your kids because it'll make them develop weird or something. So I was wondering if you could recommend a book or maybe just tell me how-

1:05:56 Drew How old are your kids?

1:05:58 Caller She's just turning two.

1:06:00 Drew Time out for toddlers. What time out? Time out for toddlers, it's called. Time out for toddlers? It's indisputable that physically abusing your kids is harmful. It will stop the behaviors briefly and will create more truancy long-term, indisputable. It's absolutely not open for discussion anymore. Now, should you never strike your kids? That's disputable because sometimes you need a behavior to stop now, like they're running in front of traffic or something.

1:06:29 Adam Yeah, say like the kid gets you a warm beer.

1:06:32 Drew Then you whack him. Wow.

1:06:34 Adam Yeah.

1:06:34 Caller Well, she's just gotten into where she's been, because my wife babysits, she's just gotten into where she's been like biting a lot, like the other little girl my wife babysits.

1:06:43 Drew By the way, normal behavior.

1:06:44 Adam Biting?

1:06:45 Drew My kids, when they were two, had huge bite marks all over their face and forehead.

1:06:50 Adam They would bite each other.

1:06:51 Drew Oh yeah, crazy, they'd grab each other by the head and pull their face in.

1:06:54 Adam Yeah, I guess you do biting when you're...

1:06:55 Drew One and a half, one and a half is normal biting.

1:06:57 Caller All right, all right.

1:06:58 Adam Well, read that timeout for toddlers.

1:07:01 Caller All right, great, thanks.

1:07:02 Drew Okay.

1:07:03 Adam All right, there you go.

1:07:04 Drew Good times.

1:07:06 Adam I gotta write a book for kids.

1:07:08 Drew Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:07:09 Adam I gotta do that.

1:07:10 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:07:11 Adam Billy?

1:07:11 Drew That's what it's gonna be called.

1:07:13 Adam Well, you know my kid's book, Chemos Skinny Calves.

1:07:18 Drew K-I-M-O?

1:07:19 Adam Yeah, chemo.

1:07:21 Drew He lives in the islands.

1:07:22 Adam He's a Samoan guy.

1:07:22 Drew He lives in the islands, but he's got skinny calves.

1:07:25 Adam He's a huge Samoan guy. He's a big Samoan guy.

1:07:28 Drew But got skinny calves.

1:07:29 Adam Pencil thin calves.

1:07:30 Drew Now, don't tell me the plot just yet, but does it end up that everyone wants to have skinny calves? Everyone has skinny calves?

1:07:37 Adam No, no.

1:07:38 Drew Does he get huge calves?

1:07:40 Adam No, he has. No, his calves remain. You can't really change your calves that much. Whatever shape they are, big or small, that's about the shape. Kimo, skinny calves, as they call them, they make fun of him. He's in this Samoan village. I don't know where Samoa is or American Samoa. I always think it's Hawaii.

1:08:00 Drew What if there are villages there?

1:08:01 Adam I don't know how it goes. I'm not sure where it is. But the point is, is he's there and they all have big calves. His name is Kimo. His dad, of course, his brother has to be a big warrior and a big champion at whatever sport they play with.

1:08:15 Drew Kimo, the small calf Samoan.

1:08:17 Adam It's got a little Rudolph thing. Everyone's saying he has skinny calves and they make fun of him. And he's an outcast.

1:08:24 Drew And then one foggy Christmas Eve.

1:08:26 Adam They send him packing. They send him out of the Samoan village because his calves are too skinny.

1:08:31 Drew Why reinvent the wheel? Let's just do another Rudolph. Perfect.

1:08:34 Adam No, this is nothing like that.

1:08:35 Drew Oh, sure.

1:08:36 Adam And they send him, they send him out. Well, he had a red nose and this guy's Samoan and he has no calves.

1:08:41 Drew Okay, got it.

1:08:42 Adam Okay, one guy, one is a deer, okay?

1:08:46 Drew This is a dude.

1:08:47 Adam One's a Laplander that has a Christmas bulb for a nose. This guy's a Samoan guy with skinny calves.

1:08:54 Drew He's sent packing.

1:08:55 Adam Sent packing, has to leave town and he's out on his own. And then what happens is the keys to the town fall through a sewer grate and they can't get to them. And no one's arms are long enough to reach them.

1:09:11 Drew And their calves can't fit through the grate.

1:09:12 Adam They're too big.

1:09:13 Drew Too huge.

1:09:13 Adam They're huge, but not Kimo. Kimo's a skinny calf, well they call him Kimo, skinny calves. He's able to reach his foot through the sewer grate, grab the keys with his toes.

1:09:23 Caller Keys to the city.

1:09:25 Adam To the city. He's able to unlock the city and open it back up again. And he becomes a hero.

1:09:32 Drew Something missing.

1:09:34 Adam No, that's nothing missing. That's the story.

1:09:36 Drew He needs to be a jolly mayor.

1:09:39 Adam Yeah, his dad's a big, his dad, you know, his dad. His dad is the village elder.

1:09:46 Drew It's a Kimo with your legs so thin.

1:09:48 Adam No, no, no. It's not like Rudolph. It's a totally different thing.

1:09:52 Drew I see how different it is.

1:09:53 Adam It's a totally different thing. Well, that's the whole thing about all these crappy children's stories. It's all the same crap. It's never, hey, this kid's really just and really popular and all the chicks love him and he's a great champion on the sports. No, no, he's the outcast. He's the black sheep.

1:10:09 Drew He goes to all the misfits.

1:10:10 Adam Then instead of going and killing himself like he normally would do, he comes back and he's the hero.

1:10:15 Drew When he put a little modern twist in it, he becomes a cutter, starts cutting on himself.

1:10:19 Adam Well, they do tribal-type tats.

1:10:23 Drew He goes a little crazy with it.

1:10:24 Adam He does the tribal tats.

1:10:26 Drew He starts cutting, bleeds a little excessively.

1:10:27 Adam Well, they do that cut because they keloid those people. So they do that thing where they scar. They do the scar thing.

1:10:35 Drew Keemo, the skinny calf, keloid-forming cutter.

1:10:39 Adam I think that's worry. But we can work it out. But the point is, beautifully illustrated. I don't illustrate it.

1:10:45 Drew No, no.

1:10:46 Adam But they draw the guys with their shirts off and it's like Hawaiian skirts and then he's got the skinny calf. Nice. Okay. It's a keemo skinny calf. It's done. It's done, right? All right. We'll take ourselves a little break right back after this.

1:11:02 Hello, this is your radio. Loveline will be right back.

1:11:44 Adam Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Oh, Drew.

1:11:48 Caller Oh, Adam.

1:11:48 Adam Somebody's been on hold for 114 minutes. I'm going to let it get to 15.

1:11:54 Caller Yeah.

1:11:55 Adam I mean, you know, you don't want to say I was on hold for 114 minutes, people are like, let the baby have his bottle. But if you say 115, people are like, oh, holy Christ.

1:12:06 Drew Let it go to 15.

1:12:08 Adam Where is he?

1:12:08 Drew Three.

1:12:09 Adam All right. Now, do I hit the hold thing or just punch it?

1:12:13 Drew Just punch it.

1:12:13 Adam Seven, eight, nine.

1:12:16 Drew 115.

1:12:17 Adam Pow.

1:12:19 Caller Leo.

1:12:23 Adam Oh, baby doll, 115 minutes. Yeah, it's been a little while. Sorry. What's going on?

1:12:31 I'm the father of three.

1:12:35 Caller Leo?

1:12:37 Caller Hello?

1:12:38 Adam You're the father of three?

1:12:40 Right. Three kids. They're my wife's previous marriage.

1:12:49 Adam Hello.

1:12:50 Drew Did you adopt them?

1:12:52 No. No. The father still got the...

1:12:56 Drew You said you're the father of three. How long have you considered yourself their father?

1:13:00 Two years.

1:13:02 Drew Two years. How old are they?

1:13:04 Seven, five, and three.

1:13:06 Drew So they wouldn't so much consider you their father, would they?

1:13:09 Well, we have a really good relationship. The oldest one, she wonders about her father. He's in prison, and she's having some issues about why he did what he did.

1:13:28 Drew What he did?

1:13:31 Beating on women and drugs.

1:13:35 Adam All right. Yeah.

1:13:38 As he's been writing letters to me and my wife about taking the kids up there to see him. Being as young as they are, I was thinking that might be not just a good idea to take them to that kind of environment.

1:13:53 Adam All right, Leo. Well, let's figure out a few things. You're married to her, right?

1:13:58 Caller Apparently, yeah.

1:14:00 Drew Practically, is that what you said?

1:14:03 No, yes.

1:14:05 Drew Yes, I'm married.

1:14:07 Adam Did you say her name was Brandy?

1:14:09 No, Amanda.

1:14:11 Caller Oh.

1:14:12 Adam So you are married to her?

1:14:14 Right.

1:14:15 Adam How long have you guys been married? Is it two years?

1:14:17 Two years.

1:14:18 Adam Two years. Okay. You think of the children as your own, which is great. So I have a few questions. When does this guy get out of the joint?

1:14:28 Eight years.

1:14:30 Adam Eight years. And does your wife, now we worry that she is chaotic.

1:14:40 Drew Right. That she would choose to be with a guy like that.

1:14:41 Adam She would choose to be with a guy like this. Let's us know. Yes?

1:14:46 You know, she's had a rough life between her mother being a little off and then the abusive relationship. But she's really turned out pretty stable.

1:14:59 Drew So here's my base.

1:15:00 Adam She turned out pretty stable, but she had three kids with a criminal.

1:15:04 Right.

1:15:06 Adam Okay.

1:15:06 Drew So. Is she doing drugs too?

1:15:09 What's that?

1:15:10 Drew Is she doing drugs?

1:15:11 See? No, no.

1:15:13 Drew Did she used to?

1:15:14 No. No, she never has. She's smoked a little bit of pot.

1:15:19 Adam Okay. Now, she is. So first off, we worry and now she's a little older. How old is she?

1:15:28 Caller Seven.

1:15:30 Drew When you say she smoked a little bit of pot, you mean like once a month kind of thing?

1:15:33 Well, maybe a handful in her lifetime.

1:15:37 Drew Okay. So nothing.

1:15:38 Adam Here's the thing, Leo. We just hope that she's done acting out, that she's calmed down in becoming a mother and not pursuing this chaotic lifestyle that her past would set a trajectory that her past would set her on.

1:15:54 Caller Right.

1:15:55 Adam In you being the world's nicest guy, sometimes-

1:15:59 Drew Gets swept away by all this.

1:16:00 Adam They can test you a little bit.

1:16:01 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:16:02 Adam Is she doing any of that?

1:16:04 Caller No. Not at all.

1:16:06 Adam No testing. All right. That's good. So I feel like when you go into the joint, you sort of relinquish your rights as a dad.

1:16:15 Caller Yeah.

1:16:15 Adam That's me.

1:16:15 Drew Well, on the other hand, let me say this, that the children, because they tend to blame themselves and assume they've done something that makes the father stay away, for them to actually see that dad is being restrained somewhere, it's not because of them, this is who he is, it could have a positive impact rather than being mysterious or them feeling responsible for it.

1:16:36 Adam They seem too young to go to the joint.

1:16:38 Drew Well, the seven-year-old, though, I was thinking in particular, it's a girl to say, hey, this is your dad, your dad's an addict, it's a bad disease that made him do these things. He loves you, he can't come visit you, here's why. Look at the intensity of the circumstances he's in, otherwise he'd come visit you.

1:16:53 Adam Yeah. This is all based on the dad not breaking down and screaming weird things at her too. Yeah, yeah. Your mother put me here! You know what I mean?

1:17:06 Caller I've been asked her if she wants to go, she knows where he's at, she was having some issues about why he went and why he made the decisions to go there.

1:17:16 Drew Decision to go to jail? The decision to go to jail? What are you talking about?

1:17:21 Adam No, he's just a little nervous. Listen Leo, here's how I think you should approach it. I agree with my almost gay partner, Drew, when I say that your kids, especially the oldest one, should understand that daddy's over here because he had a disease, and that was he was addicted to drugs, and this is what happens to you. You do things that you wouldn't normally do, has nothing to do with you, has everything to do with this disease, and now really for his own safety, they've collected him and they put him somewhere where he can't do drugs, and after a while he won't want to do drugs anymore, and he'll get better, and then they'll let him out again.

1:18:04 Drew And in the meantime, he would have been visiting you if he could have, but he can't, he's stuck here.

1:18:08 Caller Right, yeah, that's what I've been telling her.

1:18:11 Adam There you go, and just look, keep, you know, obviously the kids are going to have feelings about this. I still don't totally trust his wife. I don't know about that. You have three kids with essentially hell's angel, and then all of a sudden, some guy, you know, four years your junior comes waltzing in the world's nicest guy and everything's hunky door again. I'm waiting for her to make her move.

1:18:35 Yeah.

1:18:37 Adam Weird acting out, weird something. Keep an eye on her. All right. Shocking that she came from some abuse.

1:18:44 Drew No way. How could that work?

1:18:46 Adam I don't know. I don't know. It's mysterious. Yeah. No one can ever know. Random. It's all random. No one ever knows. Now, we only know things that are just pure mechanical science stuff. That's all. We know that stuff. If your dad had a male pattern baldness, you might have it too. Outside of that, emotionally, sociologically, we don't know anything. We don't know anything about that. We certainly couldn't head off any of the stuff at the past. Couldn't stop these people from cramping out whole broods with criminals. No, we're not going to stop that. I wonder what percentage of guys in the joint have kids as opposed to the percentage outside of the joint that have kids. It's probably alarming.

1:19:25 Drew Much higher.

1:19:25 Adam Yeah. It's right up there with the amount of guys in the joint that are Big Jesus fans. Yeah. Another alarming rate. Point is, is your average, like here's how I would lay it out. Let's just take your average 23-year-old guy. Your average 23-year-old guy outside of the joint has 0.65 kids.

1:19:53 Caller If that, yeah.

1:19:55 Adam Well, I don't know because I'm going around the country and I'm thinking about all these 23-year-olds that have two, three kids.

1:20:01 Drew All right. All right.

1:20:02 Adam We talked it.

1:20:02 Drew All right. 0.65. All right.

1:20:04 Adam Not around here.

1:20:04 Drew You're right. I was thinking about yes kids or no kids, but you're right. The kids that have yes kids.

1:20:07 Adam No, but all we got is gays and actors out here.

1:20:10 Drew But you're right. It's more than one oftentimes. That's what skews it up. Yes.

1:20:13 Adam Okay. More than one skews it up.

1:20:15 Drew Yeah. 0.65, right?

1:20:16 Adam Right. In the joint? In the joint, it's got- Yeah. I didn't know. It might be like 0.13 or something.

1:20:23 Drew Oh, really? Right. You're right.

1:20:24 Adam Take 20. First off, 23-year-old guys in the joint have been out on their own doing their thing since 15.

1:20:30 Drew Right. You're right.

1:20:31 Adam That's 23.

1:20:32 Drew They're old men. I was measuring it in the scale of one.

1:20:35 Adam They didn't go into prison after college.

1:20:37 Drew Yeah.

1:20:37 Caller You're right.

1:20:39 Adam They were doing their thing, banging chicks.

1:20:42 Drew Rambling. Rambling.

1:20:43 Adam Rambling. On top of different assorted women from 15.

1:20:46 Drew Rolling down the river.

1:20:48 Adam Not using condoms. These guys were on top. These guys may have three kids from three chicks at 2021. I would love to know that staggeringly disappointing fact. Disappointing fact. Yeah.

1:21:02 Drew What would you say? Average... How would you look that up?

1:21:06 Adam I have no...

1:21:06 Drew Prison population, numbers of children.

1:21:12 Adam I would just be curious what...

1:21:13 Drew No, no.

1:21:14 Adam What the average 23-year-old has, male, has in this country as far as a kid. Forget about the joint for a minute. First, you'd have to figure this one out.

1:21:27 Drew Average number of children per 23-year-old, something like that.

1:21:31 Adam Come on. You figure it out. By the way, that was engineer Chris Sanders. Head would just explode right now. He would be wiping your glasses. You feel like wiping brain matter off of your glass. You can still run the board with no head, but it's just boom.

1:21:46 Drew Probability of fatherhood for 23-year-old, for prison population. Probability of fatherhood for 23-year-old.

1:21:51 Adam Michelle looked that up. We're going to take ourselves a little break.

1:21:53 Caller Yeah.

1:21:56 Adam One hundred minutes. Hold on a second. Billy?

1:21:59 Caller Yeah.

1:22:00 Drew By the way, you went to him like three times and put him back on hold.

1:22:03 Adam I don't remember that. Billy?

1:22:05 Caller Yeah.

1:22:06 Adam You never met your out-of-state girlfriend?

1:22:08 Caller Yeah.

1:22:09 Adam You want to know if you should go visit her?

1:22:11 Caller Yeah. She wanted me to come up there. And hers, she said when I get up there, she was wanting me to stay for a little while. And she said about a month after, she said, we might consider marriage.

1:22:26 Drew Where is up there? Where does she live?

1:22:27 Caller Is he hut? She lives in Texas.

1:22:31 Drew Up there.

1:22:31 Adam Down there. You're calling from England?

1:22:34 Caller No.

1:22:35 Adam No.

1:22:37 Caller Oklahoma.

1:22:38 Adam Wow. You just when you think you know something.

1:22:40 Drew And how did you meet her?

1:22:45 Caller She's one of my friends, ex-girlfriend.

1:22:48 Drew How did you meet?

1:22:50 Caller He met her on the Internet. He met her on the Internet.

1:22:54 Drew So she was his girlfriend across the Internet and they never met either?

1:22:59 Caller Yeah.

1:23:00 Drew And then you stepped in, never having met her.

1:23:02 Caller Well, I stepped in, I was talking to her as a friend over the phone still.

1:23:09 Drew And you guys have no one's ever met this girl?

1:23:11 Caller No. She came out and told me that she loved me.

1:23:15 Drew You met her?

1:23:16 Caller No. She came out over the phone and told me that she loved me.

1:23:19 Drew How old is she?

1:23:20 Adam Over the friend.

1:23:20 Drew How old is she?

1:23:21 Caller She's 20.

1:23:23 Adam Wow. All right. Better yet, how much does she weigh? Because first the met the dude in Oklahoma, bam, there's 50 pounds. Had the thing with the friend. Now you're up at 225, 230, then fell in love with a sight unseen. Okay. Just hang on there, Billy. We got to take a break. Try to get to the bottom of this semi-retarded fantasy you're living in after this.

1:23:53 Love Line.

1:23:54 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:23:56 Love Line will be right back.

1:24:23 Adam Yeah, Love Line, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Let's get back to phones. Finish with Billy? Finish with Billy.

1:24:32 Caller Yeah.

1:24:33 Adam All right, Billy. You have a girlfriend. You're in Oklahoma.

1:24:39 Drew Have you ever had a face-to-face girlfriend?

1:24:42 Caller Yes, I have.

1:24:42 Drew In your life?

1:24:43 Caller Yes.

1:24:44 Drew How long were you with her?

1:24:46 Caller I was engaged for two years.

1:24:49 Drew And what happened with that?

1:24:53 Caller She went off and cheated on me and...

1:24:56 Adam She up and cheated?

1:24:57 Caller Yeah.

1:24:58 Drew That's banjo. And how long ago was that?

1:25:03 Caller It's been about a year now.

1:25:05 Drew So you were 17 to 19 and then you started hanging out on the web and sort of losing yourself in the cyber world, huh?

1:25:13 Caller Well, I had a couple of girlfriends since then, but...

1:25:16 Drew Face-to-face?

1:25:17 Caller Yes.

1:25:18 Adam I don't understand what the attraction is then. If you're 20 and you've been with women and you certainly are capable of...

1:25:27 Drew What's so great about this one?...

1:25:28 Adam getting a woman, why this fantasy one?

1:25:33 Caller I don't know. She's just a nice person. So far, I've noticed.

1:25:37 Drew Have you ever seen her pictures of her?

1:25:38 Adam Nice... Hold on. Are you in prison? This is what you do when you're in prison. A nice person?

1:25:46 Drew Are you wheelchair bound or something?

1:25:49 Caller Well, like y'all was talking about a while ago, y'all was talking about her being a little bit overweight. A little bit. I look at what the personality is. I'm sorry.

1:25:59 Drew All right. We don't be apologizing for that, but go ahead, Adam.

1:26:02 Adam Is she a big gal?

1:26:05 Caller She's a little bit, not much.

1:26:07 Caller Okay. All right.

1:26:11 Adam Not much?

1:26:12 Caller No, I'd say maybe 190.

1:26:15 Adam Oh. All right.

1:26:18 Drew That's all?

1:26:19 Adam Five, three. All right, Billy. Well, that's no problem. We're only at, so you've seen pictures of her?

1:26:27 Caller Yes.

1:26:29 Adam When do you think you two can meet up in the flesh?

1:26:33 Caller She's wanting to do it the 17th.

1:26:35 Adam Seventeenth. Okay.

1:26:37 Drew All right. All right.

1:26:38 Caller Well, go ahead. Go ahead.

1:26:39 Drew Meet up. Find out what you got here. But don't get lost in the fantasy that you're completely tangled up in now.

1:26:47 Adam In Billy, Anderson yelled something.

1:26:49 Drew I don't know what, though. He just screamed it. St. Patrick's Day.

1:26:52 Adam You're going out St. Patrick's Day?

1:26:54 Drew That's good.

1:26:54 Adam Here's the thing, Billy. When you meet up, just make sure it's in a safe, well-lit, well-populated area. Yeah. Gal this big just take you down. Yeah. For sex on him is nothing. You just have to go down on her for as long until she want to let you up. It's simple as that.

1:27:15 Drew Many men have been suffocated.

1:27:15 Adam Yeah. I'm telling you. That's why my dad went that way. All right, Billy. I don't even know what he, Billy. I don't know. Every third call on the show is like, yeah, welcome, Lillian. Okay. Yeah. What can we do for that? Taylors. Goddamn French fries. Taylors. She lives in Oklahoma. I'm listening to Texas Panning. We're going to meet in Odessa. She's, I wouldn't call her big, but picture of a child who would weigh 10 pounds.

1:28:00 Drew I saw Friday Night Lights on a flight the other night. He is so good.

1:28:04 Caller You got to say, banana.

1:28:07 Adam I take a banana to her.

1:28:09 Caller Isn't he good?

1:28:11 Adam We're going to have sex in the smoking cage at the airport in Odessa. That horny one.

1:28:18 Drew Then I hit her with a shovel.

1:28:20 Adam Here's my sling blade. Again, it's like you had a bunch of girlfriends. She's got a 190-pounder. By the way, 190 pounds on the Internet. Yeah.

1:28:38 Drew That was her junior high school way and ways.

1:28:42 Adam Yeah, that was birth. That's the doctors. That's the hospital waiter at 190.

1:28:47 Caller Yeah.

1:28:50 Adam Let me tell you about the- I mean, there's ups and extras. Ups and extras. All right, anyway.

1:28:56 Drew All right, let's go.

1:28:56 Adam I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on.

1:28:58 Drew Let's have a look at Bob Thornton for a second.

1:29:00 Adam Yeah.

1:29:00 Drew I really am becoming a huge fan of his.

1:29:02 Adam He's a great actor.

1:29:03 Drew Great actor.

1:29:04 Caller Wow.

1:29:05 Adam He's a great actor.

1:29:07 Drew I even liked him in Alamo. It made that film worthwhile to me.

1:29:10 Caller Yeah.

1:29:12 Adam No, I mean, you take Alamo, you take Friday Night Lights, you take Bad Santa.

1:29:17 Drew Sling Blade.

1:29:18 Adam You take Sling Blade, you take all the man who wasn't there. I can't think of his other movies, but you just keep going and you realize, but first off, it hasn't been that long.

1:29:30 Drew Sling Blade is where it started.

1:29:32 Adam I know. You go back and you see these pictures of the guy in these crappy sitcoms from 1992.

1:29:42 Drew I didn't know what was the end.

1:29:44 Adam He was funny. He's chubby and has a beard and a full head of hair, and it's funny. It doesn't look like him. He's trying to some Angellian project or something that's on UPN. It's ridiculous, but you realize this guy's not been at it that long. I mean, take a look at his resume over just the last five years. Incredible amount of interesting work.

1:30:09 Caller Yeah?

1:30:10 All right.

1:30:11 Drew I'm a fan.

1:30:12 No.

1:30:12 Adam I know. You did New York Minute, and I voiced Claymated Viking.

1:30:20 Drew Look at the bodywork that we've made.

1:30:23 Adam Yeah. I got to play death on the family guy.

1:30:27 Drew I can play myself.

1:30:28 Adam Natalie?

1:30:29 Caller Yeah.

1:30:30 Adam When you're 28?

1:30:31 Caller Yeah.

1:30:32 Adam I know. Drew's a horrible actor except for when he's playing himself and then he's just bad.

1:30:38 Drew Well, then I'm okay and then here's what I get. Oh, playing yourself, that's the hardest thing. You can play yourself. Oh, that's what actors really have trouble with.

1:30:46 Adam Yeah.

1:30:46 Drew Oh, I guess I must be a good actor then.

1:30:48 Adam Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know. Because, you know, Richard the, I don't know, who would you be, Richard the, who am I trying to think of?

1:30:57 Drew Richard the Third.

1:30:58 Adam Richard the Third.

1:30:59 Caller Yeah.

1:30:59 Adam Natalie?

1:31:00 Yes.

1:31:01 Adam Sorry, baby doll.

1:31:02 Caller Go ahead.

1:31:02 Adam You're 28.

1:31:03 Caller Oh, good. Yeah. Well, okay. Here's my situation. I've been married and done the whole, you know, been in love, blah, blah, blah. Oh, I'm sorry.

1:31:13 Drew Yeah, Natalie, through waiting on hold for half an hour, eight words into her question, and yes, mom.

1:31:20 Adam Be fair. It may have been nine. Yasmin? Uh-oh, Yasmin may fall asleep. She may hold for 82 minutes. Yeah, chicks can't stay up.

1:31:30 Drew If somebody named Yasmin is 14, you're not going to hear her breathing.

1:31:33 Adam No, she's a petite little flower. Yasmin? She compulsively shoplifts.

1:31:41 Drew That's a pretty bad sign at 14.

1:31:43 Adam When does it become a problem? You should stop that by 14. All kids do a little shoplifting, though, right?

1:31:49 Drew Yeah, but the compulsive shopping is a bad sign. Let's take Natalie. Come on.

1:31:53 Adam Jeff?

1:31:54 Caller Yeah, what's up?

1:31:55 Adam 22, uses pot and booze each day.

1:31:58 Caller Yeah, and when I have nothing to do, I just, like, smoke joints.

1:32:02 Caller And I'm, like, wondering do I need to get a hobby?

1:32:05 Caller And my mom has actually been smoking for, like, 30 years.

1:32:09 Caller And that's one of the reasons why I stopped talking to her.

1:32:12 Caller And my girlfriend thinks that I'm antisocial now.

1:32:15 Drew Well, whatever. You're addicted. And you got to deal with that or not. It's up to you.

1:32:18 Adam Well, how about you stop and see how it goes?

1:32:22 Caller But, you know, when you go to a party, it's okay once in a while, right?

1:32:25 Drew Yeah, he's not going to stop.

1:32:27 Adam So when you go to a party, how about you smoke?

1:32:31 Caller You know, one or two. Yeah.

1:32:33 Adam Well, go ahead. Look, here's the thing, everybody. Yeah, just quiet down and listen to the Ace man here. Do whatever you want as long as it doesn't become a problem. But if it becomes a problem, then you can't do it anymore.

1:32:46 Drew By the way, still do whatever you want. It's fine. It's a free country. But if your life is going poorly, you're having consequences, you'd like to change. There's some things that can be done to change it because this is a process. This is a biological evolving disorder that will have multiple consequences as time goes along. If that's okay with you, if it's more important to get high, that's up to you. That's entirely up to you.

1:33:08 Adam I don't know if people can do this, but I love drinking my red wine. Sometimes at 8.30 at night, I think, go for a nice glass of red wine.

1:33:16 Drew It's getting earlier now. Oh, dude.

1:33:18 Adam Yeah, but then I think, no, I don't do that. Because then you start doing that, then you got to stop. See, because you start getting into it, you got to stop.

1:33:26 Drew It's a threshold disease, right?

1:33:27 Adam You keep it at that point where it's not really affecting anything, then you get to do it, then you get to keep doing it.

1:33:32 Drew But if you pass that threshold, how?

1:33:34 Adam Don't do it. I know you can't tell that people have the addiction gene.

1:33:38 Drew Jeff's already gone.

1:33:40 Adam Probably. Natalie?

1:33:42 Caller Yeah.

1:33:43 Adam All right. So 28, should she hide her friends with benefits from guys she likes?

1:33:50 Drew So you're screwing a guy that you're friends with, why would you even consider telling that to a guy that you want to have a relationship with?

1:33:56 Caller No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not considering having a relationship with him, but I don't want to start sleeping with him and then him freaking out that when my friends of benefits does show up.

1:34:10 Drew Oh, Natalie, we need more than two seconds with you.

1:34:13 Adam You've got trouble.

1:34:14 Drew Yeah, this is bad news.

1:34:15 Adam 28? You need therapy. Where's your dad?

1:34:18 Caller I don't need therapy.

1:34:20 Drew All right, that's fine. We got to go.

1:34:21 Adam You're fine then.

1:34:22 Drew You'll land on your feet.

1:34:23 Adam Enjoy.

1:34:23 Drew Tell him. He won't forget.

1:34:24 Adam Tell everyone everything. Yeah. Give your dad a big kiss from me. If you ever see him again. I will take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:34:34 Caller All right, guys. Here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:34:39 Adam One call is all you need to make.

1:34:41 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE. Call the Dateline.

1:34:46 1-800-CALL-UP-LINE, LOVE-191, CALL-CALL, CALL-UP-LINE.

1:35:13 Adam That's a show, everybody. All right. What are you going to do?

1:35:17 Drew Genevieve Gordner.

1:35:18 Adam How many people have kids on the inside versus the outside?

1:35:22 Drew Hold on a second. Noe Hernandez, Davis, California, 20, won the shuffle tonight, the iPod shuffle.

1:35:27 Adam Yeah, BFD.

1:35:28 Drew There you go. And how many in the inside have kids?

1:35:31 Caller I actually didn't find a number.

1:35:35 Adam All right.

1:35:36 Caller My first failed conquest.

1:35:38 Adam Yeah. See, you and Chris in the soup line tomorrow. Huh? Yeah. Trying to get soup in a line. It's a line where you get soup. This is what we call it, the soup line. Okay. If they had a chili line, I'd get in it, but I've kind of wait for soup. And maybe a nice beef barley thing, but not any of that miso stuff. No, no. Okay. Let's take a break. That'd be my thing. I'm going to get in the soup line, but you got to tell me what kind of soup. If it's a minestrone or something, then count me in. But if it's some of this namby-pamby, brothy stuff or this crappy LA faggity, oh, it's butternut squash with a little- No, I don't go for that. No. I'd say what kind of soup is in this line. Okay. Take a quick break for about 22 hours. We'll be right back after this. Literally a beautiful millionaire.

1:36:26 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:36:29 Loveline, the opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, March 2, 2005