Episode 1000685207530

0:56 Voiceover Love Line is meant for an adult audience. Love Line may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is Love Line. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:19 Adam Yeah, it's Love Line. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LLV-E-191. Dr. Drew, board-certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Listening to the news today, we've added more cops.

1:36 Drew Oh, really?

1:36 Adam Yeah.

1:37 Drew Is that just to do- Is that for the ride around the meter made things?

1:42 Adam They never really touch on that part, which is I hear more cops, I think more chicken ass tickets in this town. I don't think more safety.

1:49 Drew Right. You don't think they're going to where you want them to go?

1:52 Adam They never do that though. They're always like, we got more cops on the street. Yeah, on the street, handing me out tickets for not having a front license plate. Those kind of cops on the street?

2:02 Drew Yep.

2:02 Adam Yeah. How about we do this? How about we take the cops we do have and get them off the chicken ass detail? How about that one? Let the meter maids hand out? Really? Do we really want the cops pulling people over and handing out no front license plate tickets? We don't leave that to the meter maid? Shouldn't you be tackling perps into a pyramid of cardboard boxes in an alley and then jumping on a car hood? Yeah.

2:26 Drew Like every good cop movie I've ever seen.

2:28 Adam Cops don't jump on car hoods anymore.

2:30 Drew No. Well, they used to slide across them.

2:32 Adam Well, they would slide across them to get in the car.

2:34 Drew Right.

2:35 Adam Anyone knows it can take half hour, 45 minutes to get around the front of your car.

2:39 Drew Sure.

2:39 Adam Much faster just to actually slide across the hood of the car and get to the driver side.

2:44 Drew Right.

2:44 Adam Yeah. In England, if you're a cop, you got to go the other direction because it's on the other side. But a lot of the bad guys getting away, I'm jumping on the hood of the car.

2:54 Drew Speaking of England, read this report of my news release just popped up on my...

2:58 Adam London, England, Report... Reforms needed is only one fifth... Reports reformed... Needed is only one fifth of international aid actually gets to the... Fifth of international aid actually gets to the people who need... Does it just keep adding one word as you scroll across?

3:20 Drew Who need it, yes.

3:22 Adam Who need it. Are you talking about Tsunami?

3:23 Drew Yes, this is what I'm saying.

3:25 Adam You got, you got wavos bigger than the waves that hit the islands.

3:29 Drew I do, and I feel so good about it. You have no idea.

3:32 I feel completely confident about this.

3:33 Adam Let me explain why you have the Asperger's syndrome. I'll tell you why you have the Asperger's syndrome. Because you sat here on the phone and in person and said, you just don't know where that money is going about five times to the guy who donated 15 grand to the Tsunami relief. That's number one. Socially, strange call, I would say. There are other ways to do it, but you just don't know where that money is going. It's a strange, strange call.

3:59 Drew I don't think I brought it up when the people were here. I kept my mouth shut.

4:02 Adam Now you did when the people were here and you did it when they were on the phone as well.

4:05 Drew I did it when they were on the phone.

4:06 Adam Strange, strange call. But number two, and this is how you know Drew doesn't lie. You know what you do in the future, you do that thing where you go, you do what everyone you know would do, which is, my wife gave something. I don't know, we'd have to ask her what she gave. Well, then here's what you do. You get your wife to give 300 bucks and you just say she gave something, whatever. You just give something. You can't sit there and go, I don't know where that money is going in front of the guy who spent his last 15 grand on it.

4:35 Drew Well, he decides where he wants to put it. All right.

4:37 Adam You don't know where that money is going. It feels good. It feels great. Welcome to the show. The other thing though, as I told you, is you give it to the Red Cross. Now, I don't know, look, here's the deal with almost all charities. It's just who the hell knows, but you give it to the Red Cross. If you give it to the Red Cross, you figure that's about the best you can do. And here's the thing. It's one of those things, too, that's just sort of relative. Like, all right, if one quarter of the money actually makes it to it, then for every million, they get 250 grams.

5:10 Drew Oh, no, they need money. Don't get me wrong.

5:11 Adam So we get five million, they get 1.25.

5:14 Drew I'm not saying people shouldn't give. I'm just saying I want to make sure the stuff I really feel strongly about gets covered this year. I'm going to triple down on that.

5:22 Adam All right. Drew's obviously weighing on Drew's mind.

5:25 Drew It's a passionate, passionate, passionate.

5:28 Adam I know you're a passionate man. Let me just bring up two points because you brought it up. Number one, what kind of human being sits here and tries to raise money for the tsunami relief fund or any fund and then mentions, you don't know where that money is going out of the other side of his mouth. Bizarre. You got to check that out.

5:43 Drew I'll give you that. All right.

5:44 Adam That's interesting. There's a part of me that respects it, but it sure is interesting. Number one. Number two, you do have the Red Cross. Number three, as I said, the whole thing about the act of God stuff is we all have our charities, and we all give to our charities, and then once every thousand years, a volcano goes off and you got to kick over to the Volcano Relief Fund, as well as whatever your charities are. Okay. That's all I'm saying.

6:12 Drew Yes.

6:13 Adam Yeah. You done?

6:15 Drew No, but it's all right.

6:16 Adam What do you got?

6:17 Drew Just going to say that it was just getting irritating to me that every PR and anybody wanted to use this for PR. They got tons of money. The money was adequate.

6:27 Adam I agree.

6:27 Drew Then everybody was piling on as a way of beating their chest, and say, look at me, look at me, look what I'm doing. Yeah. Come on, get my hillsides home for the children a fund this year. Let's go do it. Come on, let's build one.

6:39 Adam Yeah, I know, but this is how it always works. AIDS gets more than its fair share.

6:43 Drew I don't like it.

6:44 Adam Breast cancer gets more. I don't.

6:45 Drew That bothers me.

6:46 Adam I don't. I don't like it either. But here's the deal. You were out of town, ironically, making money the night we did the big run over here and you missed out on giving the money. Had you been here and ironically not making other money, you would have had to kick in. I'm sure. Well, it would have been, it would have been a very more uncomfortable, very uncomfortable evening with Lincoln Park in here giving $100,000 and you saying you don't know where that money is going. Probably 750 times. Anyway, there's a part of me that appreciates your candor.

7:20 Drew That's right.

7:20 Adam And then there's a part of me wants to vomit all over your alligator shoes. All right. Interesting. Are you ready?

7:28 Yeah.

7:28 Adam Jason?

7:29 Yeah.

7:30 Adam You're 28?

7:31 Caller Yes.

7:32 Adam What's up?

7:34 Caller Well, I was calling my wife. Just doesn't seem to be much into me going down on her. So.

7:41 Adam Good. You're fine. That's all right. There you go.

7:44 Drew Dodge the bullets.

7:45 Adam That's right. Next.

7:46 Caller Get to the point. Yeah.

7:48 Adam So what?

7:50 Caller So I enjoy going down on her, but I don't know if there's anything that I could possibly do to make her more comfortable with it.

7:59 Drew What's her problem with it? I don't know.

8:01 Caller She seems kind of like uneasy with the whole, like just even when I start to do it, she like seems to tense up and.

8:10 Drew Is she orgasmic during intercourse?

8:12 Caller Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

8:14 Drew Multi orgasmic?

8:14 Adam She's not.

8:16 Caller No, she, yeah, she is. She.

8:18 Adam All right. Here are your reasons.

8:19 Drew She didn't say multi orgasmic, she said.

8:21 Adam Here's your reasons for not enjoying someone going down on you as a woman. As a female. Uncle did something weird to you. Just super self-conscious about yourself.

8:32 Drew And that's sort of, I'm ugly down there. And that, I.

8:35 Adam Yeah. Or ugly in general or smelly or there's certain people that are just uncomfortable in their own skin. They just are.

8:42 Drew I just spent a whole weekend talking to women who start to feel weird about it after babies. They start to feel like that part's not looking right.

8:47 Adam Right. And then they're just the ones that are super orgasmic and horny, and like they just want to cut to the chase.

8:55 Drew Well, it's too intense. It's uncomfortable.

8:57 Adam It's intense. Yes. Okay.

8:59 Drew And that is no way you're going to talk to that person.

9:01 Adam So, you kind of have a hard time with the uncle victim too.

9:05 Drew Really with any of them. Even the one that feels that she looks weird down there, and you say, honey, you're great. I think you're wonderful. She's pissed now. Now she's angry. Like, you don't appreciate how I feel. You don't understand. I don't feel sexy. Now I'm mad at you. We're not doing this.

9:20 Adam Yeah.

9:21 Drew So you can't win on that one either.

9:22 Adam Yeah. I don't know if she's going to get angry at you, but if you put the screws to her, she might. And furthermore, as I said, it doesn't even have to be ugly down there. It can just be, I don't feel attractive in general. So I don't know which one your wife is, but it doesn't matter which one she is. It's going to be tough. You could try sort of plying her with a glass of red wine, lighting a candle, just telling her just to sit back and stare at the ceiling for 10 minutes and to get out of her head a little bit, you know? Which you can do. Now here's the thing too, with everybody and their weird behavior. If you're close to it, you may be a glass of red wine, a nice jacuzzi and romantic little Nat King Cole record away from actually doing a few things. But if you're a million miles away, there's not an ether rag big enough, right?

10:18 Drew Right.

10:19 Adam So if you're one of these people, it's kind of teetering, you just, you know, put the kids to bed early, you know, draw the drapes, light the candle, you could probably pull it off.

10:28 Drew Right. But then again, he's not looking for that. He wants, she wants her to enjoy it completely. And she's not that person.

10:35 Adam Yeah. It's not, it's not, not her. Not into her.

10:38 Drew Not her.

10:39 Adam And go ahead. Fine. Don't take it personally. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Jillian?

10:44 Caller Yeah, that's me. My question is, is my fiance started on Adderall for ADD about four months ago? He's really lost his sex drive since then. And I'm not really a pro about saying that we should go and like treat medications with other medications, but I'm kind of wondering if, is this something like Viagra or something like that that should give him, or is there something else?

11:12 Drew Viagra would be helpful in terms of sort of getting him ready, but it's not going to increase his drive so much. I mean, guys, when they get aroused, we'll get some drive, but that's not going to really check too much for his libido. What is with the Adderall? What are the symptoms? Is it just Adderall he's taken, first of all?

11:28 Caller Yeah, he's just taking Adderall.

11:29 Drew It's only been a short time. Has he been a drug addict ever?

11:32 Caller No.

11:33 Drew Never been an alcoholic or an addict?

11:34 Caller No.

11:36 Very straight arrow.

11:37 Drew All right, and what are the symptoms that he's had trouble with?

11:40 Caller Oh, in a lifetime of school, since he's taken it, he's done really well in school, like completely a turnaround, like from being like a D student to like a BA student. So I feel torn because I don't want him to take it. We're getting married at the end of this month, and I'm concerned about our honeymoon, but then again, it's also helping him out.

12:02 Caller Wow.

12:05 Adam You say he's still a student?

12:07 Caller Yeah.

12:08 Drew How old is he?

12:10 Caller All right.

12:11 Adam Why not let him finish school and get a job and then get married?

12:16 Drew Then get off the outer wall.

12:18 Adam You're going to be in wedding plans. Okay. What are you going to do?

12:21 Caller I don't think there's any problem with him getting up.

12:23 Adam I think Christ, they weren't made when you were 11.

12:25 Drew Of course.

12:25 Adam We didn't have sex with this guy.

12:27 Drew We just have to go.

12:28 Adam Yeah. Are you wearing your mom's wedding dress?

12:33 Drew No.

12:35 Adam Right. But when you want to justify the extreme expense of your wedding dress, you can say to your husband, our daughter will wear it one day, which never ends up happening.

12:44 Drew Which she would never happen.

12:45 Adam Biggest lie propagated by women is, yeah, I don't know. I'm going to spend 2,700 bucks on a dress, but here's the good news. Our daughter is going to wear.

12:54 Drew This is the family investment.

12:55 Adam By the way, best-case scenario, two wearings. That ain't exactly Levi's. First off, for this dress to pay for itself, I'm going to start leasing it out. Yeah.

13:09 Drew By the way, 2,700, cheap wedding dress.

13:12 Adam Whatever they pay. It's something, and then you got to pay to store the thing. You put it in a box. It's, oh, come on. What's going on? They pull it out. Yeah, their daughter. I said that's the answer. Our daughter. Our daughter? Where's your mom's wedding dress? Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

13:30 Drew She didn't spend 2,700.

13:32 Adam Yeah.

13:32 Drew It was $400 in their day.

13:34 Adam Yeah, which was 3,100 back in 1951. All right. We got to, all right, so, I don't know. Getting married at 23. Who wants to get married when people are still in school?

13:47 Drew I know. That's always a mistake.

13:49 Adam Do you want to, don't you want the guy to get a job?

13:51 Drew Well, the guys especially, well, the men especially. But not only, women don't think like that, but men sure do. They want to see who they are in the world before they settle in.

13:59 Yeah.

14:00 Drew So anyway, his stuff is a little suspect, unaderal, D student, not a history of addiction, now he's an A student. All rather suspect stuff. Getting married at 23, but here's the deal. If he really does need it to function, then that is the place for Viagra. That's what it was invented for, or Sialis or Levitra. Yes, I agree, it's not a good idea to take a medicine for a medicine, but that may be all you're stuck with here.

14:23 Adam Let's move forward and talk a little iPod Shuffle, because tonight and for the rest of the week, we're going to be giving away one of these iPod Shuffles, and also 20 free songs from iTunes Music Store.

14:36 Drew I've been saying that every night. You missed that.

14:38 Adam Oh, really? Yeah, I did miss that. I also missed, Anne never told me anything about that either. I guess I tune out when you talk. At the beginning of each show, oh, that's now, we're going to tell you what bumper to listen for. Anything that's funny about this stupid promotion is, a bumper is the music that you hear when we come back from commercial break. Well, why don't we just say what to listen for when we come back from commercial break? You're going to have to label it.

15:04 Drew Vertigo by U2.

15:05 Adam Vertigo by U2 is the bumper, which is the music here when we come back. And you just call the 1-800.

15:14 Drew Anderson, now you're going to freak everyone out. They're all going to run the phones. We don't mean now. Later on, as we come out of commercial.

15:21 Adam Yeah. You just call the 1-800-LOVE-191.

15:23 Drew Wow. Anderson's here with a head of steam.

15:26 Adam Well, he was up at camp Jack in the Box for like 10 days. A head of steam?

15:32 I played U2. I didn't even want to. I just wanted to give it a try.

15:35 Adam Yeah.

15:35 Drew I don't know if you can tell.

15:37 Adam Do we have to hear that crappy U2?

15:39 Drew Anyway, when you hear the crappy U2, you dial 1-800-LOVE-191 and the first person to say iPod Shuffle wins the iPod Shuffle and the 20 tunes.

15:47 Adam Here's my dream. My dream is that Bono and Sean Penn leave and just go somewhere and start complaining.

15:55 Drew They move in with the Streisand.

15:57 Adam Streisand, Bono and Sean Penn moved to some island where all they do is complain. That's all I want. I mean, Sean Penn, at least he's here. All he does is complain about the man, but at least he's from here. Bono, not from here. I really would like to just send Bob Seeger to Ireland and just have him do nothing but whine. What's going on around here? You're not doing enough. What about AIDS? What would they do to him? They just hack him into pieces.

16:23 Drew Yes.

16:24 Adam Immediately be killed. Imagine if we just sent one of our pop singers. It's funnier if it's a guy from the 70s. I'd like to send Ted Nugent to Dublin. And all he would do is whine. He'd just complain about what the government's doing and not doing, what they could be doing, polluting, what's going on.

16:41 Drew Let's step back for a second and look at it. First of all, the guys that, you know, I did these personality profiles, I don't know if you're listening or not.

16:46 Adam Why is this guy's visa going to run out? He's been here for 20 years complaining.

16:52 Just move home, would ya?

16:53 Drew But I've been doing these personality profiles. We did them on Rockstars, and they all had very, very serious attachment issues and social trends, addiction profile. So okay, so you can bet that Bono fits that profile, and all these complaining guys, right? That they are antisocial, so they have something happen to them, so they see things being done to them in everything. Somebody in authority cannot possibly have their best interest in mind ever. So they're sort of prone to this kind of complaining.

17:19 Adam Yes, they are. I really think that is an exclusive American trait, though. This is what happens. We have too much time and too much money. I don't think it happens in Africa or almost any other place.

17:33 Drew They went right to that kind of a life. They never had to work their way up. They never had to earn a wage, pay a payroll, pay taxes. So they took care of that for them. So any functioning in society never really happened.

17:45 Adam Well, the number one thing these guys have is no sense of humor, and then the number two thing they have is even less sense of humor about themselves. You can't talk in front of them without them correcting you. You can't make a joke without them thinking it's insensitive.

18:01 Drew This reminds you of the hee shee we had in here. The girl that became a male.

18:06 Adam Yes. So angry.

18:07 Drew Yes.

18:08 Adam Yeah. I know. These are the people that want anarchism and all this kind of nonsense. Just believe me. Go to whatever it is. Go to one of these other countries and give it a shake. Have fun. Just go over there. See how they treat you for a little while. And don't give me that crap.

18:24 Drew But don't go through the tourist. Go to live for a while.

18:26 Adam Go live there. Give it 10 years. And then give us a call. We'll tell you whether we're ready to receive you again. I'm guessing the answer will be no. But look, please just leave. Just quit your whining. Please. I don't know.

18:41 Drew What would they do without a target to whine about? I have really, if things were that bad, they should just go somewhere like...

18:46 Adam There's probably plenty of problems in Ireland. Just go over there and straighten them out, would you? That's all. Just go straighten it out over there. And then when you get your mother island all straightened out and you come over here and help out. Perfect. Okay? Until then, shut your pie hole. Your haggis hole.

19:02 Drew That's good art.

19:02 Adam I know it's Scottish, but you know they have haggis in Ireland.

19:04 Drew Oh, they do? Yeah. Haggis hole, then.

19:07 Adam Lisa? Hi. Yeah. Haggis hole is good.

19:11 Drew It is good.

19:12 Adam Shut your haggis hole. Yeah, it's got what you call alliteration. Sweet. Lisa?

19:19 Hi.

19:20 Adam Sorry, baby doll. What's up?

19:21 Oh, no. That's okay. Thanks for taking my call. I'm 28. My 25-year-old brother, he lives at home. He has paranoid schizophrenia. Yeah. Well, for the past, like, months, I don't know why all this is happening, but I'm sorry, for the past two months, about five or six times, he, we have one computer and it's in the den, and he's been masturbating and not cleaning up after himself.

19:51 Caller Yeah.

19:54 Adam On, where do you have one of those woods lights they use in CSI?

19:59 Drew Or is it piled up somewhere?

20:01 No, it's like tissues all bundled up, and like we've.

20:03 Drew Oh, all right.

20:05 Adam What do they do? Where is the tissue?

20:09 What do you mean?

20:10 Adam Well, you say tissues all bundled up, are they left on the keyboard or on the computer table?

20:15 Yeah, not on the keyboard, on the desk, and on the carpet and stuff.

20:17 Adam Oh, he doesn't throw them away?

20:19 No, that's what I mean, if he doesn't throw them away.

20:22 Drew Well, Lisa, that is something that schizophrenics do. I had one that used to, hold onto your shorts here, used to take his stool, roll it up in a little play-doh, line it up, and leave it for us. Outside of the hospital room, he has those little places where the charts go. He'd pack them in there and line them up for us.

20:40 Caller Yeah, and a lot of it, I really understand to the point that it really doesn't bother me with his dishes and his clothes and stuff. I mean, it really doesn't bother me. But this is just like, I don't know, I just feel like it's really inappropriate.

20:54 Drew But he's schizophrenic, at least, as I'm saying. They take their excrement of whatever it is, and they line it up and leave it.

21:02 Adam How do you know he's not blowing his nose?

21:06 Caller Well, you can just tell.

21:09 Adam Yeah.

21:09 I mean, come on.

21:11 Adam No, listen, I'm trying to give the kid a break.

21:14 Drew Here's the deal. A, make sure his meds are straightened out. B, you shouldn't have to deal with that.

21:21 Adam How do you talk to him about it without shaming him?

21:24 Caller Well, here's the thing. Here's my actual question is I don't want to talk to him about it. I don't want my dad to talk to him about it because I think it might freak him out. So, I want to know if it's too intrusive for me to leave a message for his psychiatrist because I don't even know if my brother, I mean, I don't know what he talks about, you know?

21:39 Drew I would definitely leave a message for the psychiatrist. That is not too intrusive. It's always good. The psychiatrist may not be able to talk to you, but it's always good to leave information. And then secondly, listen, you'll be surprised. In my experience, now again, I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm an internist, but I've dealt with a lot of schizophrenics over the years. They're insolent when you bring this up. They're like, hey, what do you mean?

22:00 Adam Oh, really? Oh, yeah.

22:01 Drew Well, how dare you?

22:03 Adam Okay. So.

22:04 Drew The king was busy.

22:06 Adam You know, my feeling is, first off, avoid being specific. I would just say-

22:11 Drew No, you guys are tiptoeing around.

22:13 Adam No. Well, what about this? No, here's what I'm saying. I show up at the computer, there's a bunch of your Kleenex balled up, and it's a mess.

22:21 Drew Hey, the guy with the stool lined up, little stool balls, I had to go in there and go, hey, cut this s out.

22:26 Adam Yeah, literally. Yeah. But here's the point. There's no mistaking that for fudge mix. My point is, you can give the guy the slight embarrassing benefit of the doubt by saying, your Kleenex is spread out all over the thing. I don't know if you have allergies or what, but how about you go ahead and throw them in the garbage? Maybe that works. If that doesn't work, it's time to come down on him.

22:52 Drew No, you're very literal. That's exactly right. You just go, hey, the Kleenex, that no good.

22:57 Adam You don't have to say, quit beating off on the computer. You can say, your Kleenex is all, make him think that maybe you think he's blowing his nose or something. Now, here's the thing. I was watching, I don't know, like 48 hours or 2020. I watch those new shows all the time. I always watch those shows. They're ridiculous, but I watch them anyway. They did that whole thing where every once in a while, they go investigate a cruise ship. Cruise ships, it's fertile soil for those news magazine shows, because there's always some illegal alien porter who's raping people, or they're dumping garbage out and do international waters. Something is going on. Always something on a cruise ship. A floating hotel though, Drew. They go in there with the woods light, with the purple light. They just find the pentagram and chis on the comforter. It's a disaster. But they go do the whole thing. It's like, we found urine by the front door. They find semen everywhere, they find urine everywhere. But first off, it's not really hard hitting reporting, because if you go through any place at any time, you're going to find some. I guarantee there's something on this microphone right now.

24:12 Drew We should just document what goes on in the chimpanzee cage and see if the same story plays out in the cruise ship.

24:19 Adam I don't know how urine makes it onto the doorknob of the cabin in the cruise ship, but my point is, they do this thing. We like to drive ourselves nuts as human beings where it's like, do you know what's in those hot dogs? We found out. Do you know what's on that comforter at the hotel? We found out. Look, you take electron microscope to your bedspread and you're going to see stuff on there that Dr. Seuss couldn't have drained out.

24:42 Drew That's right.

24:43 Adam That's inside your body. That's on your body. That's everywhere.

24:46 Drew That's nature.

24:47 Adam It's nature. It's called nature. And it's everywhere.

24:49 Drew Big restaurant.

24:50 Adam Yeah. And you want to know where they're semen? Well, first off, in your nut sack. It's in you. That's number one. I know we're totally freaked out about other people's crap, but you know that sort of thing where someone else's urine is poison and mine's liquid gold? Right. How can yours be poison to them then?

25:08 Drew By the way, we're living with this just fine. We're in homeostasis with the semen world we live in.

25:13 Adam Well, that's the whole thing. It's like they do this thing where it's like, there's urine everywhere, there's fecal matter everywhere, there's semen everywhere, there's pubic hairs everywhere. Do you know what's in? Do you know what's in that hot dog?

25:23 Drew We should be dead. I'm dead right now. I'm dying.

25:26 Adam Look, go to any fast food place. Go follow the travels of the cabbage when it left the field and the tortilla when it left the factory. You'd vomit all over yourself. Now, you can choose to just think about that, in which case, you'll just go insane, or you can just figure, look, this is the way it goes. I haven't gotten sick so far. Just going to keep moving. Yeah?

25:47 Drew Yeah.

25:47 Adam Why is that? What is that impulse? My impulse is the opposite. I don't want to think about it.

25:52 Drew Well, the impulse is to create a headline out of where there is no headline. That's the impulse.

25:57 Adam Yeah.

25:58 Drew That's the constant impulse of news.

25:59 Adam Yeah. There is something disgusting on every sheet in every hotel in this country and in every cabin of every cruise ship. And in your bed, too. Right.

26:10 Drew When it comes to behavior and biology and medicine, everything is a headline. You can make a headline out of anything. Yeah.

26:16 Adam The point is how many people are getting sick from staying at Haldane's.

26:19 Drew Forget it. You get lice, that's it.

26:21 Adam Yeah. You don't get that.

26:22 Drew And they don't make a deal about that.

26:23 Adam And then there is the whole, oh, the toilet seat at the airport.

26:26 Drew Oh, please.

26:27 Adam Does anyone get sick? You know anybody who has gotten sick off that? Anybody? Nothing? No. See? No. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this. Hello.

26:41 Drew This is Love Line.

26:42 1-800-LOVE-191.

26:44 Love Line will be right back.

27:11 Adam Yeah, love line, Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er. What's up? Where are we going?

27:21 Drew We're going to Tony.

27:23 Adam Tony.

27:24 Caller Yes.

27:25 Adam 25.

27:27 Caller Yeah.

27:28 Adam What can we do you for?

27:31 Caller Okay. Well, I just said that the girl talked about how her boyfriend was paranoid schizophrenic.

27:38 Drew Her brother.

27:39 Caller Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. Her brother. That's true. Well, my boyfriend was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic, and I'm pregnant now with his child, and I just don't know how big of a chance the baby will have of developing that.

27:57 Drew You know, there is a familial tendency with that, but it's not highly so. So it's not as though there's a high likelihood of that.

28:04 Caller Okay, and what's the difference between that and a schizoaffective?

28:10 Drew Schizoaffective is schizoid features, meaning sort of flat affect, difficulty expressing emotion, difficulty identifying feelings in other people, and having significant mood disturbances, having difficulty socially and in jobs, having difficulty sort of carrying on with other people. Schizophrenics is where they have frank thought disturbance, where they actually are disconnected from reality at times, delusions of various types, they hear voices, they believe that they're Jesus or they're another person, and they may see things, that sort of thing.

28:45 Adam Yeah. My brother-in-law has that, and the number one feature you can tell is, by the way, where's his baseball hat?

28:53 Drew Sideways?

28:54 Adam Just mashed on. I don't know what it is with crazy, when you're crazy, you can't wear a hat.

29:03 Drew Me just takes it and just mashes it? Yeah.

29:04 Adam I got in this argument with my wife last night about, I was like, we got to get Dave a hat. He's like, what's wrong with this hat? It looks like somebody ran over it, and then the skipper put it on top of his head. Skipper used to take his Gilligan's hat off, smack it with it, and then mash it back on to his head. First off, there's a couple of things. All you a-holes out there who make those baseball hats that are super sleek and streamline in the front, and have sort of the cloth adjustable band in the back, stop it. Nobody wants that crappy hat. No, they're horrible. You know who wears those kind of hats? Well, Dr. Marcel wears those kind of hats.

29:45 Drew Weird, creepy. The little, not very deep ones, real shallow.

29:49 Adam They don't have a front to them. They're not baseball hats. They're sort of painters' caps.

29:53 Drew They're beanies kind of.

29:54 Adam No, they're not beanies.

29:55 Drew They're like yarmulkes almost.

29:57 Adam They have a bill.

29:58 Drew No, I know, I know, but they're, you know.

29:59 Adam No, they look, here's what they are. They're a cheap baseball hat.

30:03 Drew Or they look like women wear stuff like that. Yes.

30:07 Adam Chicks from the 80s would wear that and pull their ponytails or that.

30:10 Drew Right, there you go.

30:10 Adam They're basically, they're a baseball hat except for the back, instead of having the plastic snaps, has a weird cloth thing that never seems to work out, some sort of adjustable feature that's always unsatisfying. It's a locking clip. Yeah, you snap it in. Then the front, instead of coming up and having the team, whatever written on it, is written on it, it goes back like a fastback. It never fits right. It's not deep enough. It sits on your head and doesn't seem to stretch because it's weird, kind of clothy and it's just got, they suck.

30:41 Drew Yeah.

30:42 They suck.

30:43 Adam And they give them every, they must be 20 percent cheaper because every time somebody does a golf tournament or does anything or has one for their company or whatever, they give those hats away.

30:53 Drew Is that the one your brother loves wearing?

30:55 Adam Yeah. He wears one of those except for it's like it was run over by a truck, and then somebody smashed it onto his head. And my thing is, this guy looks insane. If we get him a regular hat and pull it on his head a little, set it there nice. Some people, crazy people wear hats like old people wear hats. Old guys wear hats where it looks like someone just dropped it on their hair. It doesn't actually make contact with their forehead or scalp at all. It just sort of sits, it rests on their head. It's like somebody put a cherry on top of the sundae. It's not actually on their head. It's on it, but it's not around it. Yeah, it's a coaster for their hair. But I swear to, I have a closet full of those horrible cloth, crappy, creepy, weird guy, 80 hat. It's just weird hats. First off, fat guys can't wear them. If you got a big cabasa, you can't wear it. It's made for guys who have a post like James Woods, and it doesn't stay on and it's a disaster. I end up getting angry at the hat. Then you get a big pile of them and you got to throw them away. So here's the thing. Whoever started it, if you got a company, if you got a golf tournament, if you got anything, you're giving away the hat, you want people to wear the hat. Yes, you save 25 percent except for you defeated the purpose because the guy threw it in the trunk of his car and never put it on. Baseball hat should just be a baseball hat. It should just be like, here's what a baseball hat is. It's the one the guys who play baseball wear. Hence the name baseball hat. Not weird, gay fisherman cap.

32:30 Drew But the baseball cap, some of the crappy ones have that interlocking plastic thing with the little knobs that go through the holes.

32:36 Adam Yeah.

32:37 Drew They're a nice baseball cap that's actually stretch in the back.

32:39 Adam Oh yeah. Look, you can step it up to one of the fitting, that nice form-fitting ones and everything, the professional ones. But even the step down for that, which is the plastic nipples going through the hole there, that's fine too. It's just that crappy, weird cloth, gay, 80s sailor retardo cap drives me nuts. You put it on, it doesn't come down far enough, it sort of bottoms out on the top of your head before you get it down your forehead far enough. Who wears those? Who likes those? Who decided we could keep making these? No one says anything.

33:12 Drew I know.

33:13 Adam They suck, those hats.

33:14 Drew I think they are for women. I think that's the problem.

33:16 Adam Well, stop giving them to me then.

33:18 Yeah.

33:20 Caller Chris, do you know what I'm talking?

33:21 Adam Wake up.

33:22 Caller Do you know what I'm talking about? Sure.

33:24 Drew No, you don't.

33:25 Adam No.

33:26 Caller Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? Maybe like a trucker hat? Is that what you're talking about?

33:30 Drew No. No.

33:32 Adam I got it. If I didn't know you, I would kill myself. I would just say, wow.

33:38 Drew Trucker hat is the exact opposite of what he's talking about.

33:41 Oh, OK.

33:42 Adam OK.

33:43 Drew Trucker hat is deep and tall.

33:47 Adam I really I swear, Chris, if you represent just one person who's listening, I'm going to kill myself. I got to kill. True. Remind me.

33:54 Drew Kill yourself.

33:54 Adam Mental note. Kill me. No, no.

33:56 Caller Maybe someone's heard of it.

33:58 I don't know.

33:59 Caller OK.

33:59 Adam All right. You don't know that the idea that there's different kinds of.

34:06 You never.

34:08 Adam How about the cap that has the cloth thing with the little hasp in the back? You know what I'm saying? To adjust it?

34:15 Drew It's a thing that slides through the lid end.

34:19 Caller Yeah.

34:19 Adam Kind of like a cup scout belt.

34:21 OK.

34:21 Caller Yeah.

34:22 Drew No. He's imagining what you're talking about, but he doesn't know what you're talking about.

34:27 Yeah.

34:28 Drew You're imagining it.

34:29 Caller You know what I'm talking about?

34:29 I'm kind of picturing it.

34:30 Drew Kind of picturing it.

34:31 All right.

34:32 Drew Try it.

34:32 Caller Try it.

34:33 Adam I'm back. Greg, I only did 20 minutes on it. I feel like if I would have done 25 or 30, he'd start getting around, start getting a rough sketch.

34:44 Drew You should blame yourself. Stop blaming him.

34:47 Adam There's something I'm doing wrong. Greg?

34:50 Caller Yeah.

34:50 Adam You're 15?

34:51 Caller Yeah.

34:52 Adam What's happening?

34:54 Caller I was wondering if it was okay to have sex with the girl that is pregnant.

35:00 Drew You're 15?

35:01 Adam Yeah.

35:02 Drew How old's the girl?

35:03 Adam I'd like you to get started on this thing around 12 or 13, but you're a late bloomer anyway. Better late than never, right? Let's get going.

35:10 Drew You're not actually planning this. You're just curious.

35:14 Adam Yeah.

35:15 Drew All right. Good.

35:17 Adam Wait a minute. Why are you curious?

35:19 Drew He's 15.

35:20 Caller Because we were wondering like in a couple months or so.

35:26 Drew Oh, you were with a pregnant girl?

35:28 Caller Yes, I am.

35:31 Drew You got her pregnant?

35:32 Caller No, I did not.

35:36 Drew Do you have sex with her currently?

35:39 Caller No.

35:40 Drew Have you ever had sex with her?

35:42 Caller No. We fooled around a little bit.

35:44 Drew And you found out she's pregnant?

35:47 Caller I knew she was pregnant, but we want to know if it's okay to have sex.

35:53 Drew Let's see if Greg understood what kind of hat you're talking about.

35:57 Adam Oh, Chris, get ready. I'll tell you what. Hold on a second. Let me prime Chris.

36:02 Drew Yeah. What's up?

36:03 Adam I'm going to need you to take a highlighter pen, get out your leather man, go ahead and carve the cap into a point, and be prepared to fall on it if this guy knows. If Greg from Ohio, who's trying to mount up a pregnant teenager, and who sounds like he's not from this country.

36:27 Caller Let's do it.

36:28 Adam If he knows about this kind of hat I'm talking about, be prepared to fall on that highlighter pen.

36:34 Drew This might be it.

36:35 Adam Greg? Yeah. Do you know the difference between the baseball cap with the plastic snap adjustment in the back and the ones with the sort of hemmed cloth that threads through the clip? The clip.

36:52 Drew And it's shallow.

36:53 Adam And it's shallow, the cap.

36:56 Caller Yeah.

36:57 Drew No.

36:57 Adam Okay.

36:58 Caller Good.

36:58 Adam Yeah?

36:59 Drew No.

36:59 Caller Yeah.

36:59 Adam No.

37:00 Caller You do?

37:01 Caller Do you?

37:03 Caller Kind of.

37:05 Adam Hold on a second. One of the things I realize people have difficulty with as we grow older and dumber in this society is descriptions.

37:17 Drew They don't listen.

37:18 Adam Well, maybe that's-

37:19 Drew How can they take in a description when they don't hear it?

37:22 Adam Oh, maybe that's what it is. Okay. Because I'm picturing them, like when I'm describing something like this, I'm picturing him picturing, seeing in his mind's eye, a toucan.

37:32 Drew Yeah. Godzilla or something. Yeah.

37:35 Adam Just toucan Sam. Yeah. Like a day glowed colored bird.

37:40 Drew Yes.

37:41 Adam Right?

37:42 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

37:43 Adam Okay.

37:43 Drew That's the thought bubble over his head for sure.

37:45 Adam Right. All right. Greg.

37:47 Caller Yeah.

37:48 Adam Do you have a baseball cap?

37:50 Caller Yeah.

37:51 Adam What's the back of it look like?

37:54 Caller It doesn't have. It's just like a back of the baseball hat.

37:59 Drew Okay. You got that on? It's just like the back.

38:01 Adam All right. I see.

38:02 Drew Toucan Sam.

38:03 Adam What is your-

38:04 Drew Really, it's like Homer thinking.

38:06 Adam Toucan Sam.

38:07 Drew Then the toucan starts, then he thinks Froot Loops.

38:11 Adam Greg, what? Now, is this your girlfriend you want to have sex with?

38:16 Caller She was talking about it, but she wants to know, will it hurt the baby if we do?

38:22 Drew Yeah, Greg, don't-

38:23 Adam Greg, I asked you a question. Is this your girlfriend?

38:26 Caller Yes.

38:27 Drew How long have you been dating her? How long have you been seeing her?

38:29 Caller Two months.

38:31 Adam Two months.

38:31 Drew How did you meet her?

38:34 Adam At a church camp.

38:36 Drew Church camp.

38:37 Caller Yeah.

38:39 Adam Church and camp, two horrible words that don't belong together.

38:42 Drew And pregnancy? All three of those together?

38:44 Adam Greg, church camp. All right.

38:47 Drew Pregnant church camp.

38:48 Adam And who's the guy who got her pregnant?

38:54 Caller I don't. He left.

38:56 He left.

38:58 Drew Now you have a clearer picture of who we're talking about here.

39:01 Adam Oh, yeah. I think I know this dude.

39:02 Caller Yeah.

39:03 Drew He left.

39:04 Adam I see. That's the guy.

39:05 Caller I don't know his name.

39:07 Drew Oh, his name was Phyllis.

39:08 Adam Yeah, because if you told me his name was Kurt, it would be no idea who it was. Yeah. So you want to say her old boyfriend, perhaps?

39:15 Caller Huh?

39:16 Drew Oh, geez.

39:18 Adam Our phone just cut off.

39:19 Drew Completely cut off.

39:20 Adam Okay.

39:22 Wait, you guys didn't hear that?

39:24 Drew No.

39:24 What'd he say? He said, uh-huh. It was good. You guys missed that, damn it.

39:31 Adam Well, we missed it because our phone line dropped down. All right. Here's the thing.

39:35 Drew Anderson got ahead of his team. How dare he say he not have had it? So we like it Anderson, by the way.

39:39 I don't know. I was on the road all day. I have no steam.

39:42 Drew You're just in high gear. It's good. Yeah.

39:46 Adam Don't make him self-conscious.

39:47 Drew No.

39:47 I don't know what you're talking about. I really don't. I played like two drops all night.

39:50 Drew It's all good.

39:51 Adam Yeah, he is.

39:52 He's good.

39:53 Drew Huh?

39:54 Adam He's laid back. Seriously? He's been going drop crazy or anything.

39:59 Drew No, not drop crazy, but he's energetic. He's on top of things.

40:02 I'm listening to the show.

40:04 Drew Yeah, right. That's what I'm saying.

40:06 Adam Anderson, you know the kind of hats I'm talking about?

40:10 The kinds that they give away for free all the time. Yeah. A lot of the time, if they're of higher quality, they'll have a little metal clip at the back.

40:17 Drew I always thought that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, that's what he's talking about.

40:19 Adam It's a piece of hemmed material.

40:21 No, there's ones that are even worse, where they have scrunchy material that holds it together. It bunches up. It's like elastic.

40:28 Drew Well, those are the fancy ones.

40:29 Those are the fitted ones. No, there's like the hole too, the half-circle hole.

40:33 Drew Well.

40:35 You know what I'm talking about.

40:37 Caller Half-circle hole.

40:38 Yeah, like the half-circle hole where the clip goes, where the elastic goes. No, never mind.

40:45 Drew Okay.

40:46 The half-circle hole, come on.

40:47 Drew But here's the deal. I actually believe those hats, the shallow ones, are more expensive. No, they're not. They're sort of fashion statement.

40:54 Adam No, they're not.

40:54 Drew They're always very nice material.

40:56 Adam No.

40:57 Drew Yes, they are.

40:57 Adam They wouldn't give them out at every tournament and in every gift bag if they were more expensive.

41:04 Drew You don't, they're not being given out at Cap Day at Dodger Stadium.

41:09 Adam No.

41:09 Drew They're being given out when you're participating with Hollywood Squares.

41:13 Adam Yeah.

41:13 Drew They're trying to impress.

41:15 Adam No. I know.

41:17 Drew MSNBC gave me one for this is what they give their Air Staff.

41:22 Adam Look, all I'm saying is, I don't know if it's a gay or a chick. I don't know who picks those things out, but somebody. When are we going to stop the madness with those caps?

41:33 Drew They're not meant for men.

41:35 Adam No.

41:36 Drew I think they might be a little more expensive.

41:37 Adam No more. Chris is getting impressed.

41:42 Caller You ever see the hats that have got the cloth behind it? I guess.

41:48 Drew I'll bring it in tomorrow night.

41:53 Adam They're ubiquitous. They're everywhere.

41:57 Drew It's a good time.

41:59 Adam Okay.

41:59 Good time, man.

42:00 Adam All right. Let's take a break.

42:02 Half circle hole.

42:04 Adam Half circle hole. I know what he's talking about, the half circle hole too.

42:08 Drew I think he means where it slips through the-

42:11 In the back.

42:11 Drew Yeah, we got you. That's not what we're talking about, though.

42:14 Well, no, but that's what connects it together. I got to talk to you guys about The Simpsons when we come back.

42:18 Adam All right. We'll be right back after this. Yeah, it's Loveline. Oh my god, that's Dr. Griff. Chris, engineer Chris, so flustered by our cap talk during the break in my...

43:01 Drew This is living proof that we can talk about anything.

43:03 Adam My verbal attack on him. I was like, Chris, please tell me you know that cap.

43:08 Drew And he did, I said. The Game of Wight Dodger Stadium, that's the elastic back cap.

43:13 Adam Yes, no, it's not that hat. It's got a weird flat, it's flat. It's, the adjustment, all right, you know the ones that have the plastic snaps in the back?

43:22 Drew Yes.

43:23 Adam This doesn't have that. Instead of that plastic, it has cloth.

43:27 Drew All right.

43:29 Adam It looks the same, except for remove the plastic and put the cloth there with a little.

43:34 Drew A clip that flips open and locks down.

43:36 Adam I know everyone.

43:38 Drew You, oh, whoa.

43:41 Adam I just dropped the F-bomb. I really think people are F-ing with me. I think this is all a part of an elaborate ruse to gaslight me and get me to kill myself. That's what you guys are trying to do.

43:51 Drew Your nervous system is wired different than most. Right. Just remember that.

43:55 Adam All right, all right.

43:56 Drew Not everyone's brain works the way yours does. Therefore.

44:00 Adam Okay, all right, all right.

44:01 Drew Therefore, it's possible to get through life and not know what that hat is.

44:04 Adam All I'm saying is is.

44:06 Drew Thank God I knew what it was. Or I'd be eating ass from you tonight.

44:08 Adam Well, Drew, that, okay. Here's the point. You pull that hat on, it bottoms out on the top of your forehead.

44:15 Drew I hate them.

44:16 Adam All right, stop making them. Everybody. Yeah, all hat manufacturers, stop it.

44:20 Drew Well, unless or make for women only hats.

44:23 Adam Yeah.

44:24 Drew Or they really are.

44:24 Adam Or dudes from the 80s. Go ahead, Mike.

44:28 Hello?

44:29 Adam All right.

44:30 Drew What's up, Mike?

44:30 No, can we talk about The Simpsons real quick?

44:32 Adam Oh, okay. Anderson wants to talk about The Simpsons.

44:34 Mike, Mike sounded like a delight, but I was beside myself with excitement when I was watching The Simpsons a couple of weeks, and apparently you guys never talked about it on air, when they did a caricature of Huel Hauser. Oh, really?

44:46 Drew No kidding.

44:46 And you guys, you didn't hear about it.

44:48 Drew We didn't know about it.

44:48 He fell off the turnip truck, because Bart had run out of People to Fool in the town, and this guy sounded just like Huel and acted like Huel, and he was very excited about everything, and Bart let him on some. I had a few drinks, so I can't remember exactly how it turned out, but it was great.

45:04 Adam Thanks, Anderson. Yeah. Huel Hauser for those who aren't from the LA area, or for Dr. Drew who was born and bred here and had no idea who the guy who was on TV for 30 years was. Oh, sandwich in between the guy doesn't know anything about hats and the guy doesn't know anything about PBS. Is one of the, well, supposed to be evidently a nice guy, but is slow or blowhard is you're going to find on television. Oh boy.

45:30 Caller Yeah.

45:31 Adam And he does one of these-

45:32 Caller This is wonderful.

45:35 Adam He does one of these sort of, you know, one on the town kind of thing. And he's on public television, and so you can never fire him. And it's awesome. And he just goes to places where they make tortillas and a chorizo and stuff like that. And he just stands there and bores the people. People actually are bored by their own product when he's done with them. So what goes on here? Yeah. He will. This is where we, this is the loading dock. This is the loading dock. Yeah. And what goes on here? This is where we load the tortillas. This is where, it's really like you're talking to someone who's 100 yards away and four years old.

46:17 Drew Right.

46:18 Adam It's awesome. And then every third one, he goes and sees a lighthouse.

46:22 Drew Yes.

46:23 Adam Yeah. But did a really cool show about a whole underground.

46:27 Drew Railroad.

46:28 Adam Railroad.

46:29 Drew In Los Angeles, right?

46:30 Adam Crazy.

46:31 Drew Yeah.

46:31 Adam Talking of a subway that was in downtown LA. Huge underground thing that's still there.

46:38 Drew They were going to build a subway down there or they had a subway?

46:40 Adam They had a subway down there and they said like 2 million people used to go through this every week.

46:45 Drew What?

46:46 Adam Like nutty, crazy, crazy cuckoo nutty.

46:48 Drew In Los Angeles?

46:49 Adam In Los Angeles. Downtown.

46:51 Drew Yeah. Is it too dangerous with earthquakes now or what's the deal?

46:54 Adam They, you know, once they stopped all the rail lines, all the tire manufacturers bought out all the rail lines and cemented over everything. LA is a weird, weird town. Had a big rail system. Grant. Had everything going in the 30s and 40s and stuff and then just got all shut down by the tire and oil companies. And they just started putting freeways in everywhere.

47:15 Caller Wow.

47:16 Adam Now we got a lot of smog and we're out. All right. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

47:21 Caller All right, guys. Here's the deal. Looking to hook up?

47:23 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:24 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:26 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:27 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:28 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:30 Caller 1-877-889-DATE. If you need help, call Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

48:10 Adam Yeah. Love line, man. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. Who won that iPod? Rosie Camacho.

48:20 Drew Yeah. From Bakersfield.

48:22 Adam She needs something to listen to in Bakersfield.

48:25 Drew To raise her spirits.

48:27 Adam Yeah.

48:28 Drew We should have thought of that when we were promoting this thing and said, this will raise your spirits for those of you who live in assholes like Bakersfield. Yeah, it's all right.

48:35 Adam Yeah. Look, I know people maybe get tired of us making fun of Bakersfield, or Riverside, or something like that. Feel free to move.

48:44 Drew We're not making fun. We're just stating facts.

48:47 Adam Well, you don't want to confuse it with San Francisco or Seattle. It's Bakersfield, everybody. Yeah. Listen, I come from one of those places. I just moved.

48:58 Drew Is it just me or do you have a sense that Seattle doesn't get its proper props nationally? I mean, down here in LA., we all look at like, oh, it's great. We love up there. But, you know, it's not on everyone's radar screen across the way it should be. It's such an amazing town.

49:14 Adam Yeah, I'm I'm I'm here.

49:15 Drew You know what I mean?

49:16 Adam Yeah. Well, I think if you're from the East Coast, you you talk about the Hamptons and places, places like that.

49:26 Drew I'm not even sure they could really distinguish between Portland and Seattle.

49:30 Adam Oh, yeah. Well, that's possible. Although the sort of movies like Sleepless, there was a there was a sort of push.

49:37 Drew There was a time there. Yeah.

49:38 Adam They had these they had these movies that were coming out in the late 80s and early 90s that had a lot of Seattle stuff, a lot of grunge stuff, a lot of all that Nirvana stuff and everything. So I had a push about 10, 12 years ago, but it's sort of calmed down.

49:55 Drew It's just not on the radar screen. Portland, too, by the way, doesn't get the props it should.

49:59 Adam Dan?

50:01 Hey, what's going on, guys?

50:02 Adam You're 22?

50:03 Caller Yeah, thanks for taking my call. Sure. First, I just want to say I'm from New York, and Seattle is incredible, really. It doesn't even compare to here, and definitely people on the East Coast know about it.

50:13 Drew I mean, the Cascades are just amazing, amazing territory.

50:17 Caller It's great.

50:17 Adam Yeah, I agree, and I definitely think it's a part. I mean, Oregon, that whole coastline is incredible.

50:25 Drew The Cascades come right up to the coast. It's just, oh my God, we're near out in the distance.

50:30 Adam What's happening, Dan?

50:31 Caller Well, I've been considering getting a vasectomy done, but I'm a pretty young guy still, and I'm just wondering if there's a minimum age doctors usually go with for that.

50:42 Adam What do you got? Sorry, but what do you got going on? You're in a relationship?

50:46 Caller Well, I am, but that's a lame answer. I mean, being in a relationship at 22, who knows what's going to happen with it.

50:52 Drew Thank you.

50:52 Caller Yeah. I've listened to you guys enough.

50:55 Adam Well, here's the thing. Doctors don't want to do it unless he had three or four kids at that age.

51:00 Drew Well, yeah. We had an engineer that worked in the show for a while that had it done when he was about mid-20s, wasn't he?

51:05 Adam Mike?

51:05 Drew Mike, yeah. So it's possible to get it done. You're going to have a hard time finding a surgeon to do so. I mean, there's so many other things you can do. I would try to persuade you otherwise. Yeah.

51:17 Adam I don't understand why you would want to undergo that procedure if, I don't know.

51:21 Caller I wonder as Drew, putting it on ice, does it have an indefinite shelf life with that?

51:29 Drew I don't know. In terms of storing your sperm, I believe it's quite long that you can hold it, but it's not perfect. It's not as though you can necessarily rely on that for a fertile sperm.

51:42 Adam Yeah. Plus then.

51:44 Drew I mean, it's good, but it's not as reliable. I don't know what the data is on that.

51:47 Adam You don't make your payments. They take it right out to the incinerator. Yeah. It's tougher on them, right?

51:53 Caller Oh, Adam, I started peeing in the sink last month.

51:58 Adam Nice.

51:58 Caller I can't stop. It's great. It changed my life, really.

52:01 Adam It changed your life. It's addicting.

52:04 Drew Are you in Manhattan?

52:05 Caller No, no. I'm out on Long Island going to school.

52:07 Adam Really, I hate to say it, everyone's disgusted by it. I whizz in the sink. Once you get started on it, it's really hard.

52:16 Drew Hasn't your wife really just had an ass full of that?

52:18 Adam She can't stand it. But I bring home the bacon. She fries it up in the pan, I whizz in the sink.

52:25 Drew I remember a couple of years ago when you had the temerity to point out to her that you bring home the bacon and she brings home the Baco's.

52:35 Adam Well, my wife was like, I work too. It's like, yeah, but you don't make any money. Well, I work just as I said, listen, I bring home the bacon, you bring home the Baco's. Now, you go get in the kitchen and make it be, I'm going to whizz in the sink.

52:48 Drew Oh my God.

52:49 Adam I'm telling you, you know why I do it?

52:52 Drew Why you do it?

52:52 Caller Why?

52:54 Adam I was going to say something. I'm a weird guy. I'm weird. All right. That's what it boils down to. No. Dan, first off, liberating. Secondly, think how much water you save. Oh, good call. Yeah, save a lot of water. Secondly, ever since Drew told me that urine was sterile, it's been game on. Secondly, it doesn't splatter everywhere. Whizzing in the toilet is a mess. Get all over the side of the thing. Makes a hell of a racket too. You don't realize how much noise, taking a leak makes, they do it about 4.30 in the morning. Old ladies asleep, you head into the bathroom.

53:32 Drew It's like you're dropping marbles into the toilet.

53:35 Adam Yeah, it's really acoustically. That, oh, airs an invention, acoustic toilet. Just cuts down on sound, 50 percent.

53:45 Drew And splash. If we could do splash and sound.

53:47 Adam Splash would be nice, but just that sound of whether it's that or whether you're firmly planted for number two, that crazy, echoey, but no worse, ironically, acoustically, no worse room in the house to break wind in than the bathroom. Tile everywhere. You just can't do worse than ceramic glazed tile and chrome bath fixtures. I mean, the whole place, it's like breaking wind in a bass drum.

54:16 Drew But hang on a second. Let's think this through for a second. What's the logic of the male having to stand four feet over a bowl of water and pee into it, and expect that it's going to stay there?

54:30 Adam No, it's got to go.

54:31 Drew It's got to splash out. It's gravity.

54:34 Adam Okay, let's forget.

54:35 Drew What are we going to do here?

54:35 Adam Yeah.

54:37 Drew Why aren't we creating things like sinks for men?

54:40 Adam Ta-ha. Well, here's the thing. If you, instead of-

54:44 Drew Your wife complains about it.

54:45 Adam Instead of it coming out of your penis, let's just say your task was four or five times a day, we give you a sports squirt bottle.

54:54 Drew And from waist height.

54:56 Adam You've got to hold it waist-height, and sometimes, you know, groggy, fell asleep drunk, it's now 4.30 in the morning, the light's off.

55:02 Drew And with a good force, you've got to squeeze it fully.

55:04 Adam Good force and a little mandate, like it's time to go. And then God knows what's leftover in the neck of the thing. Little semen from the night before, little crusties, my case fecal matter.

55:19 Drew And some of those sports bottles have a whoopee quality to them, a whoopee attachment, where it's split and go off in every direction.

55:26 Adam All right, now your job is to stand over the toilet, make sure every drop gets in there, nothing splatters up on the bowl or around the thing.

55:33 Drew What are we thinking?

55:34 Adam It's not going to work.

55:36 Drew Why haven't this evolved? Every man in the world is dealing with this, and no one's gone, hey, let's raise this up three feet.

55:42 Adam And it has a novelty sound with it. It's like you can tell clearly what's going on.

55:50 Drew Waking up your wife, your wife's mad, you woke her up, and there's pee everywhere.

55:54 Adam You can hear when you miss, and if there's not just direct urine everywhere, there's at least a spray of urine, and they miss the urine.

56:03 Drew That's if you don't miss.

56:04 Adam That's if you don't miss. That's the best-case scenario. That's right.

56:07 Drew That is ridiculous. Nobody's given any thought to that? That's gotta change before the hats change.

56:13 Adam There's a urinal. Urinals are nice. Urinals are satisfying. Look, here's the thing with houses. They could put a urinal in the bathroom, it ain't no thing, and I have, and it works. And the other thing is, why yeah, go ahead and make a queue from the public facilities, put a urinal in there, it's nice. And then, you don't get the old lady complaining, aha, the seat is always down.

56:36 Drew Seat's always down.

56:37 Adam You only use it for number two.

56:38 Drew You're not spraying, and she's not listening to it splash in the middle of the night.

56:41 Adam It's an interesting fact, or an interesting point, which is you'll never get that seat argument up or down ever again if you put a urinal in, because always number one in the urinal, number two in the commode.

56:52 Drew And, let's take this one step further.

56:54 Adam Yes.

56:55 Drew A way to really accomplish the same thing, save water, and not have to add anything to the construction, go in the sink.

57:04 Caller Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.

57:07 Adam I feel like it's my birthday.

57:08 Drew Vindication.

57:09 Adam Vindication. Vindication. That'd be a good name. What's your name? Vindication. That's Italian. Vindication.

57:20 Caller That's nice.

57:21 Adam All right. Thank you, Drew. Thank you. And I got to remember to move my toothbrush once in a while.

57:25 Drew Yeah. Oh, yeah. Of course.

57:27 Adam Katie?

57:27 Drew We should have pee attachments. Yes. There should be like little landing, sort of things to guide you in and keep you in place.

57:34 Adam Yeah. It's like when the planes refuel in flight.

57:38 Drew Right.

57:39 Adam Katie?

57:39 Caller Yeah. Hi. Thanks for taking my call.

57:41 Adam Thanks for calling. What's up?

57:43 Caller You're 18.

57:44 Caller I just want to ask Dr. Drew if you can get pregnant from pre-semen?

57:49 Drew Yes.

57:50 Caller You could?

57:51 Drew Yes. So that's why when somebody wants to put his penis in you, you say no, because just even putting it inside can cause a pregnancy.

57:59 Adam Yeah. I say put it in the sink, not in the womb.

58:02 Drew Yes. That's a new campaign. Thank you. And not that it's as likely necessarily as if he actually ejaculates, but it's still a possibility. And some men produce pre-com with lots of sperm and some not so much, and some don't produce any pre-com, but you can't tell what you got going. So if you have any intercourse that's unprotected, meaning no condom, you get the morning after pill.

58:23 Caller Oh, because I haven't gotten my periods since like January. So I'm kind of worried. Yeah.

58:30 Drew Well, how about getting a pregnancy test?

58:32 Caller Yeah. Because my periods are irregular. Like sometimes I won't get them for like a month.

58:38 Drew I know. And you may just be, yeah. And you, are you overweight?

58:42 Caller No. Uh-uh. No. Well, I kind of been putting on a little bit of weight, though.

58:46 Drew Do you have cystic ovaries, polycystic ovarian disease?

58:48 Caller Uh-uh. Not that I know of.

58:50 Caller Yeah.

58:53 Drew Good times. It's probably, you get a pregnancy test, see the doctor, it's probably just the usual irregular periods that you have.

59:01 Caller Yeah.

59:02 Adam I was just, I don't know why, but I was thinking about the public service announcements. You know, the horrible ones we play on this. I got a second show.

59:09 Drew Yes, I do.

59:09 Adam But I was thinking of the one, you know, the one I hate is the airplane safety one.

59:13 Drew Yes.

59:13 Adam I hate all that. But then I started thinking about the, I have that stupid Smokey the Bear song in my head. Smokey says only you. And I thought, how many thousands and thousands of times we heard something about campfires? And then I thought, who's camping? Who's starting a fire in the woods? What's going on?

59:32 Drew That most people do that?

59:33 Adam 80 percent of the listeners will be camping this weekend. Yeah. Sure.

59:37 Drew Not just camping, but starting fires. Starting cotton pamphires.

59:40 Adam Yeah. And I thought to myself, is it some sort of prerequisite for the public service stuff, that it has to be this inane crap that doesn't seem to affect anybody?

59:49 Caller Yeah.

59:50 Adam Do you know what I mean? They got the one about the renting apartments, where Juan Hernandez tries to rent it, and then Kizzee of My Ass tries to rent one, and then the white guy tries to rent one, they rent it to him.

1:00:04 Caller Right.

1:00:05 Adam Yeah. I like that one too because it just gets everyone angry.

1:00:08 Drew Yeah. Then I get angry at this Smokey the Bear thing when they make a huge deal out of, wherever did you come up with Smokey the Bear? Yeah. It's Smokey Bear. I just think of one response to that. Felix the Cat.

1:00:21 Adam That's right.

1:00:22 Drew That's it.

1:00:23 Adam Wonderful, wonderful cat.

1:00:24 Drew It's possible for an animal to be called something the something.

1:00:27 Adam Yeah. Ask Chris if he knows of Felix the Cat.

1:00:30 Drew Felix the Cat, Chris? Definitely. Can you sing the song?

1:00:33 No, but I've seen the cartoon.

1:00:35 Caller Okay.

1:00:35 Drew No.

1:00:36 Adam You have?

1:00:36 Drew Yeah, I have.

1:00:37 Adam Name one other character in it.

1:00:39 Caller I can't.

1:00:41 Drew It's an old one.

1:00:42 Caller Yeah.

1:00:42 Drew It's an old cartoon.

1:00:43 Caller Okay.

1:00:43 Drew We'll sing it for you.

1:00:45 Caller Felix the Cat, the wonderful, wonderful cat.

1:00:48 Adam Whenever he gets in a fix, he reaches into his bag of tricks. Felix the Cat, the wonderful, wonderful cat.

1:00:54 Caller You laugh so hard, your sides will ache. Your heart will go pitter-patter. Watching Felix, the wonderful cat.

1:01:01 Caller Rock bottom, Professor, Master Cylinder.

1:01:05 Drew What was the octopus guy with the star on his chin?

1:01:11 Adam I don't remember the octopus.

1:01:12 Drew The poindexter.

1:01:13 Adam Yeah. Natalie?

1:01:15 Caller Yes.

1:01:16 Adam What's happening? 21.

1:01:18 Caller Okay.

1:01:20 I used to smoke a lot of weed, and I actually quit in August. And I just noticed that I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating on school. Like, I got better grades and I was smoking weed than now.

1:01:36 Drew Well, it's very common for there to be significant depressions for about six months after you stop smoking pot.

1:01:41 Caller Oh, really?

1:01:42 Drew Oh, absolutely. And withdrawal symptoms and sleep disturbances, and it really goes for quite a while. It's a rather profound withdrawal. You're not taking anything else or doing anything else to compensate for that?

1:01:53 Caller No, not at all.

1:01:53 I mean, I quit because I am pre-med. So, and I'm an IV technician, so I get randoms and stuff like that.

1:02:04 Drew All right. And now, are you going to a program? You're in recovery of any type?

1:02:08 Oh, God, no. No, I just quit.

1:02:10 Drew Well, it's going to resurface again. That's in the nature of the-

1:02:13 Adam Why didn't you do it that long?

1:02:15 Drew How long did you do it for?

1:02:18 Since I was about a senior in high school.

1:02:20 Drew So, four years of heavy pot?

1:02:22 Adam Heavy pot?

1:02:24 Drew She said a lot, a lot of pot.

1:02:25 Not a lot. I guess like once, twice a day.

1:02:29 Drew Yeah, it's a lot of pot. It will resurface. This is going to come back. This is a chronic condition. It's a recurrent condition. So, the substance use, it may not be with pot, but it's going to be with something. So, you are going to need to, it's very unusual that this would stay remitted spontaneously like this.

1:02:47 Well, I mean, I just made it, it wasn't so much that, like I don't think it will resurface because I have a lot of just like issues with it because...

1:02:58 Drew Natalie, I'm not saying it's necessarily going to be the pot, but in some substance, your drive systems have been conditioned to this and they're going to direct you inadvertently. Is there alcoholism in your family?

1:03:09 No. I mean, I don't drink a lot and I don't... I smoke cigarettes.

1:03:13 Drew What's your ethnic background?

1:03:15 Pardon?

1:03:15 Drew Where are your ancestors from?

1:03:17 I'm Caucasian.

1:03:19 Drew Where are your ancestors from?

1:03:21 Adam Caucasia. Come on, Drew. No.

1:03:24 Caller From like Ireland.

1:03:27 Drew Ireland. Okay. So that's the gene.

1:03:29 Adam You know, it's funny.

1:03:32 Drew No, she did not say Iowa.

1:03:33 Adam I think she's going to say Ireland. I think she's going to say Iowa. Where are your ancestors from, Natalie?

1:03:43 Ireland and Italy.

1:03:46 Adam All right. Thank you.

1:03:47 Drew Look in the Irish side of the family. I think you'll see some outcalls in there.

1:03:50 Adam You know, it's funny. Drew used to say, what's your nationality?

1:03:55 Drew I know. I stopped saying that.

1:03:56 Adam They would say Caucasian. So Drew decided to modify it and say, where are your ancestors from? And they would now say, I'm Caucasian, which didn't really answer the question. But still, it's your fault for actually trying to get something out of somebody.

1:04:12 Drew But Natalie, you put a little twist on it, which is we say your ancestors from they'll say like South Dakota.

1:04:17 Caller That's yeah.

1:04:19 Adam All right. Caucasian.

1:04:21 Drew Anyway, now it is a you have to take my word for this. It may not be relevant to you now, but let these words be heard sometime in your lifespan as a chronic recurrent condition. It will surface again. You're going to need some management of that.

1:04:33 Adam She's having trouble concentrating. Brandon?

1:04:36 Caller Yes.

1:04:37 Adam 25?

1:04:39 Caller Yes.

1:04:39 Adam What's up?

1:04:41 Caller Well, I have a little story with my girlfriend. We broke up in June of 2004, and I went crazy a little bit. We were together for about three years then, and then we all of a sudden stopped dating, and I went crazy sexually, you know? I slept with about five or six girls over the course of the summer time, and then I moved to LA, and I got out here, and I was thinking that I don't really want to spend the rest of my life by myself. I love my girlfriend now, and so.

1:05:24 Drew Yeah, I agree.

1:05:26 Caller All right.

1:05:27 Caller All right.

1:05:28 Caller I decided to, you know, ask her to move out here, and she agreed, and when I went home for Christmas, she came back with me.

1:05:40 Drew Where's home?

1:05:42 Adam Blowhardville?

1:05:43 Drew Where's home?

1:05:45 Caller Home is Gulf Coast, Southern Alabama.

1:05:48 Adam All right. So then you told her about these girls you slept with and she got angry?

1:05:53 Caller Sure. Yes.

1:05:54 Adam Okay. Well, how old is she?

1:05:57 Caller She's 28.

1:06:00 Drew Have you guys rekindled the relationship or not?

1:06:03 Caller Rekindled meaning like we-

1:06:06 Drew Are you an item again or because she-

1:06:08 Adam Oh, yes. And who broke up with whom?

1:06:14 Caller She broke up with me.

1:06:15 Adam She broke up with you.

1:06:16 Drew Why?

1:06:17 Adam He was banging on one of her friends. Yeah. Why?

1:06:21 Caller I remain faithful to her while we were always together. And she accused me of being unfaithful while we were faithful, while we were faithfully together with each other. And I just, you know, I said, listen, if you really believe that, you know, I've been cheating on you-

1:06:39 Drew Did her dad cheat?

1:06:41 Caller Her, she's adopted. So there may be some, you know, deep-seated emotional problems with- All right. Attachments and stuff.

1:06:52 Drew Yeah. Right.

1:06:53 Adam It's done. Forget it. It's over. Don't bother with it.

1:06:57 Drew It seems like, well, I don't know. It's just, it's struggling with a lot here.

1:07:00 Adam It ain't gonna work.

1:07:01 Drew It seems like she's decided it's not gonna work, and it's gonna make it a self-fulfilling prophecy in some fashion.

1:07:05 Adam Relationship shouldn't be like pushing a rock up a hill. And that's what this is. And she's 28. She should be over this by now. She's not. She broke up with you. Maybe there was a little payback element with you making sure she found out about all your conquests after you've broken up. That's your business. I don't think you two are very good together, and she is adopted, which means there's issues.

1:07:32 Drew How old was she when she was adopted?

1:07:34 Adam Four years old.

1:07:36 Drew Yeah. So there you go.

1:07:37 Adam That's mega.

1:07:38 Drew Yeah.

1:07:39 Adam That's mega. Here's the whole thing. I'm trying to think. Adopted at birth, better, obviously emotionally, then at two, then at three, then at four, is horrible. Eventually, it's probably better. Then there's some bell curve where it starts going down the other side. We get adopted. Look, at 13, I would have loved to have been adopted.

1:08:00 Drew Right, right.

1:08:02 Caller Yeah.

1:08:03 Adam Nice work. Point is, being adopted at four is, that's some serious ass right there.

1:08:12 Drew Yeah.

1:08:12 Adam You just, do you know why? Do you know the circumstances?

1:08:17 Caller Her parents were dead beat and so she was adopted by a distant relative.

1:08:21 Adam All right.

1:08:22 Drew Dead beats meaning complete drug addicts?

1:08:24 Adam Alcoholic drug addicts.

1:08:25 Caller Yeah, probably alcoholic drug addicts neglecting him. I mean, she had other siblings, but they were scattered as well.

1:08:32 Adam All right. Let me tell you something, Brandon. This is a full-time gig dating someone like this.

1:08:38 Drew Yeah, you're white washing that story too. It's, yeah, they dead beat that. These are drug addicts and who knows what went on in that house when she was under four.

1:08:45 Adam Right. Okay. Brandon, forget it. You broke up once. There was a reason. She's 28. She's not going to let you go on what she did. And look, she's a troublemaker in a relationship. I'm sorry. It's because we're a troubled past. Look, everybody, I know you want to live in this sort of fantasy where people just understand what they do and then stop doing it, not without years and years of therapy. And even then, it's a slow death to put these kinds of things in your rearview mirror. What happened to her was abuse. And when you get adopted at four, it's not because your folks didn't pay a few bills.

1:09:24 Drew Right.

1:09:24 Adam It's because there's wholesale.

1:09:26 Drew Or because you're running around unsupervised in the backyard.

1:09:28 Adam Yeah. No, this is crazy drug addict. God knows what kind of abuse went on. And even if there was zero abuse, it's talk about trauma.

1:09:36 Drew Yeah.

1:09:37 Adam Taking a four-year-old, taking away from mom. And what kind of mom lets a four-year-old go to Aunt Sally's house and get raised for the rest of her life? This is a disaster. Brandon's not equipped to deal with it at 25. And that's it. Move on. And look everybody, just go find someone who's not a project. You can handle these projects. It's really, doing this is like, okay, here's what I'm saying. Everything's a pet analogy. See, the pets are cars. Here's the thing. As a 25-year-old guy, you can have a dog, but you can't have a Bengal tiger. Right. A, it'll maul you.

1:10:14 Drew Right.

1:10:14 Adam B, it eats a zebra meat. You don't have the money. C. You don't have the axe.

1:10:19 Drew Yeah, C, not good for the tiger.

1:10:20 Adam Not good for the tiger, but you just don't have the resources to deal with it.

1:10:24 Drew With the tiger needs, right.

1:10:26 Adam Right. And it's going to be-

1:10:27 Drew You got to eat Siegfried and Roy.

1:10:28 Adam It'll eat you.

1:10:29 Drew Yeah.

1:10:30 Adam It'll eff you up.

1:10:31 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:10:31 Adam Yeah. You can handle a nice lab, but leave the Bengal Tiger to Siegfried and Roy and Mike Tyson.

1:10:38 Drew Yeah.

1:10:39 Adam Then weirdo guys used to play Tarzan in movies in Mexico.

1:10:42 Drew Did you see that one that got loose here locally?

1:10:44 Adam Yes.

1:10:44 Drew In California. What?

1:10:48 Adam I don't know how that works. All I know is, well, they had to shoot it.

1:10:52 Drew I know it was bizarre also.

1:10:54 Adam Yeah. I don't know how that. I don't know how you have to. Yeah.

1:10:57 Drew Well, you have to?

1:10:57 Adam Why? I don't know. I always feel like when you have to shoot an animal, you just want to and so you make it that way. But I don't know whose tiger it was.

1:11:11 Drew Nobody knew apparently. How can you not know whose tiger is loose in Los Angeles?

1:11:17 Adam I don't know. But the crazier thing is the guys who ride the ostriches. How's that ostrich hold you up?

1:11:22 Drew I know.

1:11:23 Adam I figure sitting on an ostrich would be like sitting on one of those pink flamingos on your front lawn. One of those plastic ones. You just fall right over. The stick would break and just go down in a heap. The guys race ostriches.

1:11:35 Drew How's that work?

1:11:36 Adam I don't know how that works. First off, I don't know there's a bird that you can climb on. Think about that. You're saddling up. Yeah, climb on the bird. Yeah, saddle up. Here we go.

1:11:47 Drew We're going to race. Just think for a second just about the fact that that's a bird.

1:11:51 Adam Think about the fact that you're climbing on a bird, and then the bird is running 25 miles an hour where you're on its back.

1:11:56 Drew And then look at those dinosaurs with the long necks down. Look at that bird. Similarity?

1:12:00 Caller Yeah.

1:12:01 Adam I'm just saying. You see a horse and you go, all right, there you go. You see a donkey and you go, all right, there you go. You see an ostrich like, look, he's either going to be riding me or pecking me to death. I'm not going to be riding him. That's not an option. Right. Okay. Let's take a break. We'll be right back after this. That's what I'm talking about. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191er.

1:13:02 Drew Chris, you've seen this hat with a piece of cloth locking through?

1:13:06 Yes.

1:13:07 Drew Yeah, the shell, okay.

1:13:09 Adam Yeah, not cloth in the back, but the piece of cloth, the band of cloth, to adjust it.

1:13:15 Drew The band cloth that's sort of seamed, it's got like sewn over.

1:13:18 Caller It adjusts it.

1:13:20 It's coming together now.

1:13:21 Adam Is it?

1:13:21 Yes.

1:13:21 Adam All right, all right. Let's talk to Mark who's 14.

1:13:27 Caller Mark?

1:13:28 Caller Yeah.

1:13:29 Adam What's up?

1:13:30 Caller Hey, first of all, thanks for taking my call.

1:13:34 Adam Thanks for calling, Mark.

1:13:36 Caller Yeah. And here's something that I heard. You know how you said earlier about a pee in the sink and you said you keep your toothbrush away?

1:13:44 Adam Try to keep my toothbrush out of there. Yeah.

1:13:46 Caller Yeah. I heard that like back in ancient Egyptian days they use urine for mouthwash. That's right.

1:13:53 Drew Interesting. Makes sense.

1:13:54 Caller Anyway, back to my question. So your crank anchors love line, that was pretty good. And I was wondering if you guys are going to do it again.

1:14:03 Adam I'm going to guess no because I don't think we're doing any more crank anchors. That may be the end of crank anchors. I don't know if we got the official word or not. I'm a little out of the loop.

1:14:16 Drew Is this guy too busy or they don't want anymore?

1:14:19 Adam I think it's basically, basically.

1:14:22 Drew Time for change.

1:14:23 Adam Well, if I can, you know me, I don't know anything. Here's my take on crank anchors. It's an expensive show that gets decent ratings, but not great ratings and has a nice core following and people dig the show. It's a nice boutique type show to have on your network, but it's not cheap and it doesn't get great ratings. It's not one of these things where it's like, you're going to make a ton of money on. So I don't think we're doing more crank anchors. But my feeling, as was my feeling with The Man Show, even Love Line, the TV show, though not quite, is you do a hundred or something, and you come out of the box set, and you move on your next project. I think it's weird, not weird, I mean, it's a nice way to make a nice living, but creatively, it's fun just to keep moving, and inventing, and doing other projects, and you don't want to cut off in the knees, you don't want to do 13, and haven't pulled the plug. Maybe do 75 or 100, seems like come out of the box set, and you move on to the next thing. Yeah?

1:15:30 Drew Fair enough.

1:15:30 Adam All right. I wonder how many we've done. Stephanie?

1:15:34 Hello.

1:15:35 Adam You're 18?

1:15:36 Caller Yes.

1:15:37 Adam What's up?

1:15:38 Caller Oh my gosh. My boyfriend, Ryan, called in last night and proposed.

1:15:44 Adam I remember that.

1:15:45 Caller Yeah. And I just wanted to say yes.

1:15:48 Adam Oh, you're calling in to say yes.

1:15:51 Caller Yeah. I already told him yes, but you know.

1:15:53 Adam It's awesome.

1:15:55 Drew Really? You'll get married at 18?

1:15:56 Caller No, I'm not getting married now.

1:15:58 Adam No, they get married at 19. What do you do, Stephanie?

1:16:04 Caller Well, I'm gonna go to college first. I'm not exactly sure what I want to do yet, but probably I'm going to go into psychology, something around that.

1:16:13 Adam What kind of college are you going into?

1:16:15 Caller I'm going to start off with junior college. I'm just going to start off with that.

1:16:19 Adam Oh, yeah. Everyone's just going to start off. It's just like, look, everyone's, I just want to do a little heroin on the weekend.

1:16:28 Drew Just start off a little.

1:16:28 Adam Just check it out.

1:16:29 Drew Just smoking it. Just smoking it.

1:16:30 Adam Yeah, just in social situations and parties. I would never do it alone.

1:16:34 Drew No, I would never shoot it.

1:16:35 Adam I would never shoot it. Smoke it, maybe do a little bump, maybe a little rail, but I would never, ever shoot heroin. And then three years later, the guy's basically in a dumpster turning tricks. Yeah, that's Stephanie. Look, everyone who enters junior college is doing it for, it's temporary.

1:16:54 Drew Declares.

1:16:55 Adam Yeah, they're gonna transfer. Don't bother. You gotta get a job, Stephanie. You're getting married now.

1:17:01 Caller Well, yeah, I'm not gonna get married right away, but.

1:17:04 Adam But you're gonna get married in a year, though, right?

1:17:06 Caller Yeah. Well, no, not even a year.

1:17:08 Caller I'm not even sure when, you know, when it feels right. Yeah, but I'm too young now.

1:17:13 Drew Why the proposal? Why is that necessary?

1:17:14 Caller I.

1:17:16 Drew The declaration.

1:17:18 Caller I guess it's just something that came up. We've been together for a while.

1:17:21 Caller Yeah.

1:17:22 Adam Well, look, you're in love with Brian, right?

1:17:25 Caller Brian.

1:17:25 Adam Brian. That's what I meant. You're in love with Brian, right?

1:17:29 Caller Yeah.

1:17:30 Adam All right. Good.

1:17:31 Drew Good times.

1:17:32 Adam Tell us, call us and tell us where you're registered.

1:17:34 Caller Well, I kind of have another question.

1:17:36 Adam Oh, okay. You should be able to register like the Snack Shack at the Junior College.

1:17:41 Drew Sure.

1:17:42 Adam I put me down for a granola.

1:17:44 Drew Bookstore.

1:17:45 Adam Yeah. It's your granola bar and a peachy folder.

1:17:48 Drew Do you need help with your calculus textbooks? We can put in for that.

1:17:51 Adam Yeah. I don't think they have calculus at Junior College.

1:17:53 Drew That's right.

1:17:54 Adam They have math and Junior College math.

1:17:56 Caller Right.

1:17:57 Adam Go ahead, Stephanie.

1:17:58 Caller Okay.

1:17:59 Caller Well, my brother just had kid with his wife last November. And she, I don't know, she's seeking therapy for whatever. When she was 15, she got raped. I would hardly consider it rape, but she did and she's taking Ritalin now. And when she got pregnant-

1:18:19 Adam Hold on a second. I'm interested in that little side comment whether you don't consider what happened to your brother's wife is a rape, even though she calls it rape. It's interesting that you would say that. Why do you say that?

1:18:35 Caller Because when she explained the situation to me, she pretty much just told me that what had happened is that she had somewhat of a boyfriend and she invited him over to her house. And he was one year older. I think he was 15 or 16. I'm not sure. And they started fooling around. And she said that without her consent, they had sex, but, you know. Who calls it rape?

1:19:00 Drew She didn't actually sign papers.

1:19:02 Adam Are you angry at her at all?

1:19:04 Caller I am kind of angry because she, the doctor told me to stay off Ritalin when she was pregnant and she did for like three months and then she continued to take it.

1:19:13 Drew That's drug addict. That's a drug addict move.

1:19:16 Adam Oh, it is?

1:19:16 Drew Oh, yeah. If the doctor says stop and you don't stop and you endanger somebody else, that's a consequence.

1:19:22 Adam Ritalin is basically speed.

1:19:24 Drew Yeah.

1:19:25 Adam Stephanie, where's your brother live? Riverside as well?

1:19:28 Caller No, he lives in New York.

1:19:30 Adam He lives in New York.

1:19:31 Drew Let's add the score up. She was so-called raped, which was some sort of sexual assault at 15, which means high probability of sexual assault earlier as a child. She's prone to addiction to the extreme point of using stimulants during pregnancy.

1:19:46 Adam Well, that's really good. What's your brother do for a living?

1:19:49 Caller He's in the military.

1:19:51 Caller All right.

1:19:52 Adam What's he doing in New York?

1:19:54 Caller He's stationed there.

1:19:56 Adam But he's from Riverside and he met her in Riverside?

1:20:01 Caller She's from close to Mesa, I think. Yeah, somewhere in Orange County, but I'm not sure exactly where they met.

1:20:07 Adam All right. Well, I don't know what you're going to do about this.

1:20:11 Caller Well, I just want to know if that could have any kind of effects on the child.

1:20:15 Drew Sure. That's why I told her to stop.

1:20:17 Adam But how bad, Drew? Well, what would you rather your wife do when she's pregnant, drink or riddling?

1:20:24 Drew Probably drink. Oh, really? Mild drinking, yeah.

1:20:27 Adam Mild drinking.

1:20:27 Drew Mild drinking and we're getting back in the same.

1:20:31 Adam What, more than two glasses of wine a night kind of thing?

1:20:34 Drew Yeah.

1:20:35 Adam Yeah.

1:20:35 Drew That'd be a problem.

1:20:36 Adam Yeah. Well, here's how you know drinking is not a problem. Everyone did it for 2,000 years and then somebody decided 30 years ago it was killing everybody. I don't know any, you know, everyone's mom's smoke and drank. And now your kid's basically going to come out as a, it's just basically it's going to be like just spit out some tomato soup that the kid's going to look like. It's going to look like a rag soaked in tomato soup. If you smoke and drink. You got to ask yourself with all the stuff like, all this stuff's a first rate killer.

1:21:10 Drew It's not a first rate killer. It creates a neurocognitive change. It's brain changes.

1:21:14 Adam Yeah, except for everyone did it in the 50s and 60s.

1:21:17 Drew Take a look around right now. Yeah.

1:21:21 Adam Okay. No, the, he's looking at Chris, but he's looking at something else for me. Yeah, those people are 40 and 50 years old and a lot of them are doing okay. I think we're worse now since we told people to quit drinking.

1:21:33 Drew In a way.

1:21:34 Adam Well, let's put it this way. You want to match the people whose moms are pregnant with them in the 50s versus ones who are pregnant in the 90s and 2000s? You know what I'm saying?

1:21:44 Drew In terms of alcohol?

1:21:46 Adam I'm saying one of them didn't drink and didn't smoke, and we got a whole batch of tarts.

1:21:49 Drew Right. Right.

1:21:50 Adam Right. The other ones drank and smoked like chimneys, and they seem to do, the kids seem to be doing okay.

1:21:55 Drew Yeah.

1:21:56 Adam That's all I'm saying. All right. Let's do a public service campaign, getting people to smoke and drink again.

1:22:01 Drew There you go.

1:22:02 Adam I don't know what Stephanie's going to do with her white trash brother and her stupid wife.

1:22:07 Drew Nothing she can do. She can do.

1:22:08 Adam All right. You can get the hell out of Riverside. Stop dreaming about transferring from Junior College. By the way, Junior College in Riverside is- That is-

1:22:20 Drew Quicksand.

1:22:21 Adam Well, yeah. It's basically the punchline of a joke when you put a curse on somebody. You leave me, you'll be attending Junior College in Riverside.

1:22:33 Drew Right. No.

1:22:34 Adam Yeah. It's what your agent yells at you when you're walking out of his office, telling him to F himself. It really just sounds like the punchline to some horrible joke or curse.

1:22:44 Drew Yes. Something that Larry Tate would say.

1:22:46 Adam Yeah. Let's not go to Junior College, everybody. Here's the reason. You're not college material. Fine. Get a job. Be realistic. I'm going to get married at 19. I'm going to go to Junior College. What else? What are you guys going to do? Settle in the Keebler Tree? Any other retarded fantasies you want to fulfill? Yeah. Let's all just close our eyes and picture how getting married at 19 and going to Junior College at Riverside is going to turn out. Yeah. Perfect. Don't get married for a long time. Get a job fight to keep it. Yes, Drew?

1:23:22 Drew Yes, sir.

1:23:23 Adam All right. Let's take a break. We'll be right back after this. Yeah, love line, Adam.

1:23:57 Caller That's Dr. Drew. Phone number.

1:24:00 Adam I freaked about that phone number. Let's keep on keeping on, Drew.

1:24:04 Drew Let's do.

1:24:05 Adam Eileen?

1:24:06 Caller Yeah.

1:24:08 Caller Yeah.

1:24:09 Adam What's going on?

1:24:11 Caller I was just wondering, I've had a few relationships, and it always ended up like, in the beginning, I would find things to break it off and find a reason not to be with him anymore. And then it would kind of go back and forth for a while. And then after everything was settled, later on, I was always the one getting hurt. And I was wondering if the reason why I do that has to do anything with past events, my family.

1:24:42 Drew What happened?

1:24:44 Caller Well, when I was in high school, my father passed away from suicide.

1:24:53 Drew Oh, was he alcoholic?

1:24:55 Caller No, like he drank sometimes, but he wasn't like, it really never affected, like he never got into the family or anything like that.

1:25:03 Drew Did he have a long history of depression?

1:25:06 Caller I'm not sure. I think it was just like things with his business. Like before, like he had a business and he got hurt through it, like somebody stabbed him.

1:25:17 Drew Stabbed him? Physically stabbed him?

1:25:19 Caller Yeah. He had a spleen.

1:25:21 Adam Hold on a second. Someone has a spleen, but it's weird. Like he got hurt through his business. I think, all right, this guy made some bad investments or got sued by employers. Got stabbed. It's weird to use business. Wow. He owned a store?

1:25:41 Caller Yeah.

1:25:42 Drew Like a liquor store?

1:25:43 Caller Kind of like that, yeah.

1:25:46 Adam Somebody stabbed him?

1:25:47 Caller Yeah. Like they were trying to take something and then it was kind of in a bad area and he like went after them and then they just kind of like and that's when it happened. I don't really know that I was younger when that happened, but.

1:26:00 Adam Right.

1:26:01 Caller And then he started to do this.

1:26:02 Adam Pearl Harbor. I don't know what to think about that.

1:26:03 Caller And I think it gave him a little like more problems to it. So I'm not really sure the reason why.

1:26:10 Adam All right. Well, you were like in the 10th grade when he killed himself?

1:26:15 Caller Yeah, around there.

1:26:16 Adam Yeah. Well, that's devastating.

1:26:18 Drew It's devastating, but that usually doesn't wire you up in a way as to create abandonment in your relationships. It can, but it doesn't usually.

1:26:27 Caller Okay. I mean, because I don't know. Like, I mean, I'm-

1:26:32 Drew It may be that just that loss you still haven't dealt with, and you're still afraid of closeness, and so you sort of sabotage relationships. That's possible.

1:26:41 Caller I mean, I'm not a bad kid. I don't do drugs. I don't go out and party all the time. I'm actually attending a really good school right now, and I don't know, it's just-

1:26:52 Adam Right now. That makes me nervous. What school are you going to?

1:26:56 Caller UCLA. Uh-huh.

1:26:58 Adam That's good. Are you Asian?

1:27:01 Caller Yeah.

1:27:02 Adam All right. Well, that explains UCLA.

1:27:04 Drew And the liquor store.

1:27:06 Adam And the liquor store. Yeah. And maybe even the suicide. All right. So maybe you're up in your head too much, Eileen.

1:27:14 Drew Well, go ahead and try to have a good relationship. And maybe you're- part of it, look, part of it being 19 to 20, there's lots of drama and maltreatment of 19 to 20-year-olds of one another.

1:27:24 Adam Yeah.

1:27:25 Drew And so maybe you're sabotaging things because you don't want to get close, maybe that's adaptive. Maybe you're being attracted to guys that are abandoning as a way of keeping things apart. Find a guy that's not quite so exciting, try to hang in with the relationship and see if you can deal with this.

1:27:39 Caller The thing was like this-

1:27:41 Adam I don't mean to sound racist in any way, but are you sure your name isn't Irene, and your folks just weren't mispronouncing it this whole time?

1:27:49 Drew That does not sound racist at all.

1:27:50 Adam Well, I'm just saying, you know what I mean? Irene could easily become Eileen with a little accent, you know?

1:27:57 Drew Yeah.

1:27:57 Caller Okay. Okay.

1:27:59 Adam I'm just saying-

1:27:59 Drew Just saying. You may want-

1:28:00 Caller I'm just saying.

1:28:01 Adam You know why?

1:28:02 Drew You're excused for just saying.

1:28:03 Adam No, I'm just saying.

1:28:04 Caller I'm looking out.

1:28:05 Adam That's it. You just want to check your birth certificate.

1:28:08 Drew So Eileen, what are you saying?

1:28:10 Adam I think it's Irene.

1:28:11 Caller Irene.

1:28:13 Caller I'm pretty sure it's Irene, but the last guy I was with, one of the best guys I've ever found. He's not a total jackass. He's not one of those guys who just go around-

1:28:24 Drew Yeah, but you sabotaged it, right?

1:28:29 Caller In the beginning, I found things that I just- I don't know.

1:28:34 Adam All right.

1:28:34 Drew Go ahead and stop, Eileen.

1:28:36 Adam You can stop. Here's a couple of things. You're smart, but you're female and you're 19, and you've been through a little trauma. Yeah. So you're going to make mistakes.

1:28:46 Drew Yes.

1:28:47 Adam You're smart enough to overcome these things. Don't get all up in your head and be so hard on yourself.

1:28:51 Drew Yes.

1:28:52 Adam You're doing what every 19-year-old girl does.

1:28:54 Drew Right. Some of it's adaptive, so you don't get involved with somebody while you're going to school.

1:28:59 Adam Right.

1:28:59 Drew You hook up, you go to school.

1:29:01 Adam It's fantastic. So listen, stop beating yourself up.

1:29:06 Drew You're fine. Calm down. Maybe another boyfriend, but gently, slowly.

1:29:11 Adam Yeah. It'll work its way out.

1:29:13 Drew You're supposed to date a bunch of college. Yeah.

1:29:15 Adam Who the hell wants anything long-term until you're out of college and in your early 20s anyway? In a pharmacy school. What are you planning on doing?

1:29:26 Caller Well, right now, maybe psycho-bio or something like that.

1:29:29 Adam Yeah.

1:29:31 Drew It's heavy duty. And then what?

1:29:35 Caller I should have done this in the beginning to go to nursing school, but maybe go to a two-year program.

1:29:40 Adam You're too good for nursing school, baby. That's for the junior college folks.

1:29:45 Drew Yeah.

1:29:45 Adam You're going to be a full-fledged doctor.

1:29:47 Caller But then go back and work my way up to get my master's and my PhD or whatever.

1:29:52 Adam All right. You focus on school and your friends. How about your friends?

1:29:57 Caller Putting in my own.

1:29:58 Drew People who care about you.

1:29:59 Adam Have fun with your friends.

1:30:00 Drew Yeah. People are close to you.

1:30:01 Adam Yeah. And then date. And then you get into something after you graduate. Let's talk to wrong line. Okay. Let's talk to Bernice, who's 16.

1:30:12 Caller Yes.

1:30:13 Drew What's up?

1:30:14 Caller Hi. I've recently had this thing with a teacher. And I haven't seen him since this one occurrence that happened about five months ago.

1:30:30 Adam What happened?

1:30:34 Caller Well, he asked me to meet him outside around four o'clock in the morning.

1:30:42 Caller Yes.

1:30:43 Adam How do you meet someone outside at four in the morning? He asked you during school hours to meet me later that night?

1:30:51 Caller Me and school night.

1:30:53 Adam What did he do? Call you at home or did you talk to him in class?

1:30:57 Caller He sent me an e-mail.

1:30:58 Drew All right.

1:30:59 Adam All right.

1:31:00 Caller Yeah. And I thought that was kind of weird, but I went anyway. And what happened is we both got drunk, but I think he slipped something in my drink.

1:31:19 Drew Why?

1:31:23 Caller Because I've been diagnosed as alcoholic for about six months now.

1:31:30 Drew Right. You would tend to black out rather easily than it's part of the disease.

1:31:35 Caller No, I don't.

1:31:36 Drew Well, you did that time. Well, I did that time.

1:31:38 Caller That's what I'm saying right now.

1:31:39 Adam So you went out. What were you drinking?

1:31:42 Caller Excuse me?

1:31:43 Adam What were you drinking?

1:31:44 Caller Jack Daniels.

1:31:45 Drew All right, look, you're an alcoholic drinking hard liquor. It doesn't matter what the pharmacological agent was. It was sufficient to render you either unconscious or at least blacked out. You don't have to say there was something else slipped in. The whole circumstance is bizarre, the fact that you followed him out at four in the morning. Let's go ahead and report this to the people at school, right?

1:32:08 Caller That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

1:32:10 Adam Well, did you have sex with him?

1:32:14 Caller I don't remember most of the night. I woke up around noon the next morning in his car.

1:32:21 Adam In his car?

1:32:23 Drew You've got to report this.

1:32:23 Adam Well, hold on a second.

1:32:25 Caller I don't want to report this. That's why I'm talking to you.

1:32:27 Adam Okay. All right. Well, hold on a second. He picked you up at 4 a.m. You guys went somewhere.

1:32:33 Caller Yeah.

1:32:34 Adam Where did you go?

1:32:36 Caller We basically just drove around for a while.

1:32:38 Caller And then I live in the gutter, so there's these hills around here.

1:32:46 Caller So we parked.

1:32:46 Caller Yeah.

1:32:47 Adam Parked up there, drank, and you woke up in his car at noon.

1:32:52 Caller Yes.

1:32:53 Adam Where was he?

1:32:55 Caller He was driving to, we were in Burbank.

1:33:01 Drew He was driving in the car when you woke up? Yeah. He wasn't going to school or something?

1:33:05 Caller No.

1:33:06 Caller I already knew.

1:33:07 Caller There was no way I was going to school by then.

1:33:10 Adam No. Isn't he a teacher at the school?

1:33:13 Caller Yeah. He was my film teacher. I know how it sounds.

1:33:16 Adam No, no. But where was he going? Doesn't he have to teach at school?

1:33:21 Caller Yeah. It was all, I guess, he called in a substitute that day or something.

1:33:29 Adam So he didn't go to school and you're driving his car, and when you woke up, what did he say?

1:33:36 Caller Even when I was conscious at the time, I couldn't really grasp anything that was going on because I was still so-

1:33:44 Adam And then eventually he dropped you off at home?

1:33:47 Caller No.

1:33:48 Caller I didn't want to drop me off at home. I was scared out of my wits to be at home, so I asked him to drop me off at my friend's house. So I stayed there for a few days.

1:33:59 Drew Did you tell anybody about this?

1:34:01 Caller Nobody.

1:34:03 Drew Oh my goodness.

1:34:04 Adam Did your parents find it? Where did your parents think you were?

1:34:09 Caller My parents basically thought that I'd run away.

1:34:15 Adam Okay. Well, listen, Bernice, first off, no more drinking. It's going to get you into trouble. Number two, the guys are criminal. If you have a counselor at school, you won't get into trouble. It's not your fault.

1:34:28 Drew You're a minor.

1:34:29 Adam Go to your counselor and just talk to your counselor.

1:34:32 Drew He is really going to take advantage of many other people. You're not going to be the only one. And this is not somebody who likes you or cares about you. This is a criminal.

1:34:40 Adam All right.

1:34:40 Drew Please report this. Please.

1:34:42 Adam Just talk to your counselor.

1:34:43 Drew And anybody that knows Bernice.

1:34:44 Adam Don't even look at it as reporting it. Just go talk to your counselor. Just go sit down and talk to them about what went on. Don't even think in terms of reporting erratic.

1:34:52 Drew Or to your parents.

1:34:53 Adam Just sit down with your counselor and have a chat. That's all. Tell them what you told us. All right. We'll be back. It's Love Line. Engineer Chris, by the way, is a-

1:35:53 Drew Coy.

1:35:54 Adam He does not do, we're starting the show anymore, he just does the finger. Yeah, thanks, buddy. Chris, I know it sounds like I'm picking on you tonight, but if I'm not near the microphone-

1:36:06 Drew And waxing on about cars.

1:36:08 Adam And I'm flapping my arms around, I'm possibly using the F word. Give me the wave, like, hey, 10 seconds. All right, bud. Well, we're going to end the show on that. That's good. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:36:23 Caller When I went home for Christmas, she came back with me.

1:36:26 Drew Where's home?

1:36:28 Adam Blowhardville.

1:36:31 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Tuesday, March 1, 2005