Episode 1000684550296

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:21 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, board certified physician and an addiction medicine specialist tonight in San Antonio.

1:34 Drew Yes, indeed.

1:35 Adam Well, it's like you're like Matt Lauer. Where's Dr. Drew? We do that competition where callers call in and decide where you're going to be on any given night.

1:46 Drew It's good.

1:47 Adam Remember that with Matt Lauer? He did that a couple years back. He would like except for he'd go to Egypt and stuff. He'd be like and then you'd have to guess where he was.

1:56 Yes.

1:57 Adam Do you, Drew? Do you remember that?

1:58 Drew Yeah, I remember that.

1:59 Adam You do? Yeah. Okay. Because here's the thing, Drew. You're like an alien who's never been to this planet before. But you're trying to infiltrate the people. So I never know if you're saying, oh, yes, yes, and then reporting back to your headquarters, like asking who this Matt Lauer is, or if you actually know. You know what I mean? Usually, you say no if you don't know. But I think sometimes it gets so troubling for you to keep hearing me say, really, you don't remember this or you never heard of that? I'm just starting to think you just go, yeah.

2:32 Drew It's not that it bothers me, it's that it's so disruptive to the show that I figure, yeah, yes, yes, sir, yes, sir, yes, sir.

2:38 Adam Right, yeah. Here's how you know, you know what I, you know the great thing about Drew, though, is Drew can't lie. Would you say that's true?

2:46 Drew I would say that's true.

2:48 Adam Yeah, it's a good quality. Except for if you just say horrible things and you don't care, then it's not, I don't know, I think it takes away from it. But I learned that last week with Dr. Drew and our $15,000 guest. That was awesome, Drew. Awesome.

3:03 Drew That was good, huh?

3:04 Adam It was awesome.

3:05 Drew Actually, now I feel actually sort of empowered by taking that position because I went to this, I just quadrupled down on my giving to the Hillside Home. And I noticed that there were other people there doing the same thing who refused to give a Tsunami, who refused to cave into this pussy stuff about using the Tsunami as an opportunity for PR for people to give charity as opposed to people who genuinely give charity every year. So I feel actually really good about it.

3:34 Adam Good. I like that my favorite part is when the guy plunked down 15 grand, oh, are you lucky? And you're saying you just don't know where that money goes. That was excellent.

3:47 Drew That's right. Anyway, listen, I'm doing a vaginal rejuvenation surgery in the morning and spent the day talking to women who have female orgasmic incontinence. Finally, that topic has been flushed out for me, so to speak.

4:01 Adam Yeah.

4:02 Drew What about it? Well, it's that it's really, it's women who also have commonly sort of their gushing, they have a female ejaculate, but then all of a sudden they'll urinate also. So some of them have both going on. And essentially, everyone I've been talking to so far, and I'm going to talk to some of the gynecologists tomorrow, the urinary incontinence is part of a more global problem with incontinence, usually. That it's they, you know, they've had a baby and they're kind of, they have incontinence when they laugh or sneeze. And then they start having it with orgasm. And there are operations and medication to repair this. And they find it rather troubling. Even though, as I predicted, most of the guys, the husbands, the boyfriends and stuff, they think it's great. They at first.

4:43 Adam No, they don't think it's great.

4:45 Drew No, they do. At first.

4:46 Adam Okay, at first. But these are husbands and boyfriends, not John's and weekend lovers. You know what I'm saying?

4:55 Drew Yeah, I know what you're saying.

4:56 Adam They're in for the long haul. You're right.

4:58 Drew But I went out on the street and talked to a bunch of people. And the guy, to a guy, every single one of them was like, well, is this something I do to them? I make it happen? Oh, I'm on board. I'm on board. And then I say, well, how about if it keeps happening? They're like, oh, again, I get tired of it. But if I can do that, count me in.

5:14 Adam Well, they're on they're on board hypothetically.

5:17 Drew Yeah, yeah.

5:18 Adam You're talking to guys on the street.

5:20 Drew Right. It's like communism on paper. It sounds good. Yeah.

5:22 Adam And listen, guys are scared. Guys don't want to be called squeamish sexually at all.

5:28 Drew Yeah.

5:29 Adam They have a big worry that guys have a problem with that. Really? No, no guy wants to say, oh, sexually.

5:36 Drew Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I think you're right.

5:37 Adam You know, you talk to a guy on the street, put a microphone on his face, ask him, you know, what you think about, you know, orgasmic incontinence or anal sex or anything. It's like, dude, count me out. Cool. I'm in. I'm in. You know, no guy. Now, see, guys, you know, guys really don't want to admit. Well, I think part of the problem is it's a horrible sound.

6:00 Drew What happened?

6:01 Adam Yeah, it's got one of those like satellite hits. Guys barely want to admit that they're, you know, they don't like to watch those channels that have the surgeries and stuff.

6:10 Drew Well, the problem, yeah, they don't like that. They don't like that you, they don't like admitting that you. And then secondly, there are those passionate guys who are just in. And once those guys come around, the rest of them have to be in too.

6:20 Adam Yeah, because you can't have one guy who's like, oh man, you know, after my lady orgasms, I take the sheet and I ring it out and I get every last drop onto my tongue because it's like nectar, the gut. And then you can't have the other guy going, I put a gardening glove on before I throw a digit at one of my girls because it's, you know, there's the cootie factor. Yeah, you don't want to do that. So guys all have to have that, oh yeah, no, I'm down, I'm in. I'm down, I'm in. But the reality is, is half those guys are into it and the other half are lying. And then number two, by the time you get to month four and the relationship and the guys, you know, been hit in the face with enough streams of urine, he would probably like take a little break from it.

7:08 Drew Yes.

7:09 Adam That's all I'm saying.

7:10 Drew Yes, I'm with you. And what an interesting thing happens, here's an interesting thing that was happening, some of these women is they start experiencing discomfort and sort of their esteem goes down. So the guys are like, all right, you know, it's all right, it's not bothering me too much. The women start freaking out, just, you know, this is back to them wearing lingerie because it makes them feel sexy. Peeing on somebody doesn't feel sexy to them and they start dreading sex and start avoiding it and not telling their boyfriends and husbands.

7:37 Adam Mm-hmm, yeah.

7:38 Drew Interesting.

7:38 Adam Yeah, no, I could see that. And by the way, if I, I don't know how I could pee simultaneously with an orgasm, but how about it?

7:47 Drew But if, but if. If you vomit. Number two. How about you vomit? Number two, yes, of course, of course.

7:52 Adam Yeah, if I did the number two thing every time I orgasm, it would slow me down in the bedroom just a little bit. Certainly outside of the marriage, you know, new ladies and all. Yeah. All right. So let's go to phones.

8:09 Drew Let's do.

8:11 Adam Tiffany?

8:12 Yes. Yes.

8:14 Adam What's up?

8:16 I have a so-called boyfriend. I'm not sure what we are anymore. We were in Germany together. We're both military. We have a son together. He went to Iraq. He just came back. I found out Valentine's Day.

8:27 Adam Wow. He can't be older than three or four and he's already serving the country?

8:32 No, my boyfriend.

8:33 Adam That's absolutely amazing. Hold on a second. You want to talk about American. You know, plenty of people, plenty of people that brag. Well, you know, I was in Desert Storm or I've been to Iraq. Yeah, yeah. You went in your late teens, 18, 19, maybe 20, 21. I mean, she's 25. This kid cannot be older than five or six years old.

8:52 Drew She swaddled him in an American flag and sent him off to Iraq.

8:56 Adam Now, I don't think you could handle certain jobs. Maybe ball turret gunner, you know, something where a diminutive size would be to your advantage. That's something I could see. I couldn't see out, you know, you know, just, you know, as a green beret or seal or something like that. You know, Johnny Ground Pounder would be tough. But I imagine they're jobs that are suited nicely for five or six year old, you know, any kind of turret work would be good. Sure, they could be the guy who actually fed the ammunition belt to the guy in the trenches.

9:30 Drew Tunneling, tunneling, underground.

9:32 Adam Tunneling, tunnel rat. Yeah, where they got to send a guy in. Yep, just a 45 and a flashlight in their mouth. Go give. Kids probably a tunnel rat. You're right. Okay. I say ball turret gunner. You say tunnel rat?

9:45 Drew Yes.

9:46 Adam Okay. Tiffany, what's the kid doing over there in Iraq? And by the way, God bless you. God bless you for doing that.

9:53 Drew I am moved. I am beside myself. I'm so delighted with this caller.

9:57 Adam Yeah. While other kids are just wedding themselves and trying to get into the first grade, your kid is defending this country abroad. God bless you. What's he doing over there?

10:07 My son or my boyfriend.

10:09 Adam Said your son was over in Iraq?

10:11 No, my boyfriend.

10:13 Adam He's with your son?

10:14 No.

10:15 Drew What's the weather?

10:17 Adam They're both in Iraq?

10:19 My boyfriend was in Iraq.

10:21 Adam Your boyfriend lives in Iraq?

10:23 He was. He just got back. I found out on Valentine's Day he was back.

10:27 Adam So he's an Iraqi guy?

10:30 No. He's an American.

10:32 Adam Oh, he's just living over there.

10:34 No, he was fighting for our country.

10:36 Adam Okay, he wants to go fight by his son.

10:38 Oh, God.

10:40 Adam I think that's noble. I don't think my dad would ever do that. Well, let's just keep going.

10:47 Anyway, I'm not sure what's going on with us. One, he's not told his family about our son. My mom keeps telling me, oh, well, he's married, he's married, he's married. And I keep telling her, no, no, no. So I want to know if I'm holding on to a dream.

11:05 Adam Let me just cut you off one quick thing.

11:06 Of him coming back to me.

11:07 Adam Hold on, a couple of things, Tiffany. First off, you don't have to give the triple reply to the triple statement, like if your mom goes, he's married, he's married, he's married, you can just go, no, he's not. It seems like it makes sense mathematically to do the same amount of no's as she says he's married, but one still works. Yeah, now what do you mean he's married? He's married, he's married.

11:31 Drew Yeah, well, what does that figure into this?

11:32 He's trying to tell me that maybe he's married because he's hiding his son from his family. His family has no idea that me or his son even exist. Oh boy.

11:44 Drew Where does he live?

11:46 What does he do?

11:47 Drew I mean, how do you guys meet? Where does he live?

11:50 We were in Germany together.

11:52 Drew I see, that's right. I see. Good boy.

11:55 Adam Yeah. It doesn't sound well, first off.

11:57 Our son is only 15 months old.

12:00 Adam Wow. That much more impressive, Drew.

12:03 Drew You said he was three, Adam.

12:05 Adam I thought he was three or four fighting over there. 15 months. This is now Guinness Book of World Record material.

12:13 Drew He's a codecracker too.

12:15 Adam This kid, he's a wind talker. This kid will be a four-star general by the eighth grade easily. That's my prediction. Keep an eye on this kid. All right, so Tiffany.

12:28 Drew Your mom's explanation, your sort of deciding that he is married, is actually her attempting to make him into a good guy. Because at least if he's married, that is a reasonable explanation for why he's behaving the way he is.

12:42 Adam That's motivation, yeah.

12:43 Drew Right, as opposed to the fact that he's just an a-hole, a sociopath.

12:47 So am I holding on to a dream that he's going to come back to me?

12:50 Adam Yes.

12:51 Drew I think probably. We don't know. I mean, we don't know. It's a horrible situation, but you need to really get some clarity from him and his family, too. I mean, he has an obligation to you. He has a child with you.

13:01 Well, I mean, he takes care of his money. I mean, he takes care of his son.

13:06 Adam All right.

13:07 How long has it been? We haven't seen each other since July of 03.

13:12 Adam Oh boy. Oh, 03?

13:14 Drew It's the Madame Butterfly here.

13:15 Adam Wow.

13:16 Drew Is his name?

13:18 Adam Never. Yeah. I don't know what that soldier's...

13:21 Drew I screwed myself up.

13:23 Adam Yeah. You're Miss Saigon over there? Are you going to start singing the Miss Saigon stuff?

13:30 No.

13:30 Drew The Puccini.

13:32 Adam Yeah.

13:32 No, I love him. I do. I'd do anything in the world for him.

13:36 Drew Madame Butterfly.

13:38 Adam All right. Sorry. Who am I thinking of? All right. Tiffany. Tiffany. You I know you love him and I know there's this sort of magical thing that people have, which is I want it so badly, therefore it must come to fruition. You wanting him to come back to you badly is like you just really, really wanting a exotic automobile that you're never going to own. Is it Pinkerton? All you're wanting, quiet, all you're wanting is not going to get you the car. You can't do anything about it. It's not it's not like the car is going to come find you because it feels how badly you actually want it. He doesn't care. He's made that clear. He's also made it clear.

14:25 Drew He's gone for nearly two years. Two years out of your life.

14:28 Adam He's also made it clear.

14:28 But it was voluntary duties.

14:30 Adam He's not a good guy. I don't trust this guy. You shouldn't have crapped out a kid with this breed of cat. You made a mistake and now you're going to have to get realistic for not only you but your child.

14:45 I would trade my son in for the world, you know.

14:48 Drew Well, that's the weird part about all this. You made a mistake that it was with him and yet you're blessed with something that you really value.

14:55 Adam Well, you got a 15-month-old fighting machine is what you have. And look.

15:01 I'm hoping he'll take after us.

15:04 Adam Well, I think he's already started if he's over in Iraq. But look, I don't want to digress. You need to take care of your child, take care of yourself and move on.

15:15 So how do I move on?

15:18 Drew Start dating.

15:19 Adam Start dating and take care of your child. And look at this guy is missing an action. Yeah. Or better yet, killed an action. Maybe, I don't mean literally.

15:30 Drew Build the story accordingly.

15:32 Adam But I mean, move ahead.

15:32 What do I do when he calls and he decides to see his son?

15:36 Adam When is he going to do that? When's the last time he's called?

15:39 Well, the last email I got was Valentine's Day.

15:43 Drew It wasn't saying.

15:44 Saying that he was home.

15:46 Drew And?

15:48 That was it. He said that he was getting a phone hooked up and that he was getting a cell phone. Yet, I haven't had a call yet.

15:56 Adam Right.

15:56 Okay.

15:57 Adam Listen, Tiffany, you're not good parent material. You're a mess. Please try not to screw up your kid.

16:03 Drew This guy is an idiot. Yeah, as far as what you should do when this guy calls is exclude him from, change your phone number, exclude him from your life. It's better your child think that he is somebody else.

16:13 Adam Yeah, he's not a good guy.

16:14 Drew Yeah.

16:15 Adam He, you know, a month ago, he tried to call or something. I mean, I don't understand it. This guy has a child. He has a woman. And I don't know what he's doing. You have to move forward. Okay. Here's the thing, everybody.

16:29 Drew By the way, that guy probably has children with other women, that kind of guy.

16:33 Adam There's a decent point. And they're probably fighting in Iraq as we speak as well. Of course. Although they could be older, like four and five years of age. Let me say this. You can't get other people to do the right thing just because it's the right thing. My God. You know what I'm saying? And everyone wants to know why. Why would he do this? Why would he call and then not, you know, contact me again? Why would he not want to see his own child? Why? Why? Why? Why would Hitler round up the Jews? Why? Why? I don't know why. I'll tell you why. There's bad people. There are people out there that aren't great. There's shades of gray. There's people out there that, you know, kill college nursing students and, you know, have sex with their corpses. That's super bad. Not as bad as publicist, but it's getting up there. Then they're just guys who, you know, crap out a kid and they don't see them. They move to Florida. That's bad too. Not as bad. Why? There's bad people. Is everyone surprised by this? Turn the news on. Yeah, yeah. You see, you're watching the news. Somebody blew up an embassy. Somebody shot his wife. Somebody robbed a bank. Yeah, your guy, he's somewhere in between one of these guys.

17:55 Drew You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and the confusing thing about this when you talk to that bad person is they don't feel like a bad person and they have reasons for what they do. And sometimes they're not bad people just doing bad things. You know what I mean? It's confusing for people. And because we've got, because we got through a period of history, by the way.

18:14 Adam Yes, Drew, I don't want to, I don't want to.

18:16 Drew Don't go to the Tsunami thing again. Yeah, yeah. Don't go to the Tsunami thing again.

18:19 Adam No, that's you. I wasn't going to go there, but I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah. No, I'm not going there again. You can just think about that yourself. I am going to say that if you do bad things, you're a bad person. I'm now, I'm now comfortable with that. I don't, I'm not into this, not a bad guy doing bad things. If you do bad things, you're a bad person.

18:39 Drew Good enough. We think about it, we've gone through a period of history where everything was that you can't judge, everything's relative, right? Yeah. So people get confused about these things.

18:48 Adam No, they absolutely do. And there's this sort of thing where, well, you don't know until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Just look, I don't want to get to know everybody. If you do bad things, you're a bad person. And tell proven otherwise. You see, unless you find a cure for cancer, you know, later on in life, in which case you have some redemption. But until until now or until then, you're just another deadbeat dad.

19:14 Drew What do you do with bad people that do good things?

19:18 Adam Like who? Like what?

19:20 Drew I don't know. I just think that there are probably plenty of bad people out there that have done things like found cures for cancer and stuff that are motivated out of pernicious reasons and find something that helps people.

19:29 Adam I don't mind that. I mean, if you really break it down, like most of these philanthropists that end up giving tons of money and then get their names, you know, Andrew Carnegie gets his name all over, you know, music centers and libraries and stuff like that. You know, maybe he only did it so he could have a statue or plaque or his name in front of Carnegie Hall. And by the way, to the idiots on PBS who now have changed his name to Carnegie.

19:56 Drew No.

19:57 Adam Yes. Is it Carnegie Hall now too?

20:01 Drew I actually, I knew his great grandkids. They call him Carnegie.

20:05 Adam I know. How can it be Andrew Carnegie and the guys playing Yo-Yo Maas playing at Carnegie Hall? You got to change that one too. Then you don't watch PBS. You'll get angry, but it's Carnegie. Unless there's another group, unless there's Carnegie and a Carnegie. But look, I don't want to digress. The point is, is if you make millions of dollars, donate it to charity, and the only reason you do it is so they can have a plaque with your name on it in front of the library for the retarded blind midget kids, so be it. All right, let's take care of a little business here, Drew.

20:46 Drew Yes, go ahead, go ahead.

20:47 Adam Was it good? Go ahead.

20:48 Drew No, you're done. I was just thinking about Schindler's List, and they're saying now that really he was motivated at a sinister, much more sinister reasons than the movie even suggested. But good things came of it, you know.

21:00 Adam Well, okay, well, it's Sunday night, it's full moon, we can get heavy, but does anybody, you know, I mean, you can keep distilling this down so that nobody has a positive motivation, even if your motivation is just to feel good about yourself. Well, isn't that sort of, aren't you doing it for you?

21:20 Drew He, you know, George Washington believed that all human motivation boiled down to something he called self-interest, that if it didn't serve your interest as a person, whether it's because of your kids or your family, whatever, whatever is interest to you, then you're, then you're suspect because it has to boil down to the self-interest or it's not real.

21:42 Adam Yeah, I agree for the most part. Sometimes I mean, you know, sometimes it gets, it gets back to you, meaning, meaning you donate to something and you just do it, I don't know, not thinking about it. I don't know if you do it so you look better. Or, you know, the people around you, pressuring you, I don't know how it goes. But yeah, I think you could argue that almost everything comes back to the person. But if you're opening a new wing at the hospital and you're paying for it, then so be it. I don't mind that kind of narcissism. Starting tonight, by the way, the good folks at iPod have given us, endowed us with the power to give out an iPod shuffle every night. One. That's cool. Yes, one every night for the next five nights. And here's how it works. We go to break and when we come back, we come back with a bumper song. Yes, Chris? You know radio. You know bumpers, right?

22:44 Drew Play one.

22:44 Adam Yeah. Can we play one? Dave can.

22:47 Drew Dave can.

22:48 Adam Yeah, yeah, true.

22:51 Drew I was asking a lot.

22:52 Adam You ever think that's gonna happen?

22:53 Drew No, no, I know.

22:54 Adam Have you ever asked for something and it's actually happened on the show?

22:58 Drew No.

22:59 Adam Okay. So when we come back, you will hear some music as we come back. Close your eyes and picture music playing as we come back.

23:09 Drew Right.

23:09 Adam As a matter of fact, engineer Chris, do you think you could do Mr. Brightside by The Killers?

23:17 Drew Yeah.

23:17 Adam You think you could hum it?

23:19 Drew Oh, no, no, no.

23:19 Adam Yeah, I think you could hum it. I think you could hum it.

23:22 Drew He could play it. He could play it.

23:23 Adam No, no. Let's just hum it. Let's just try to hum it. And then we'll come back.

23:27 Drew All right. Wait, wait, wait. Is that the song we got to hear to get the iPod?

23:32 Adam Yes, Drew. You're a genius. Mr. Brightside by The Killers. Go ahead.

23:37 I can't hear you. Come on.

23:39 Adam I'm not asking you to hum it. I'm commanding you to hum it. Now hum.

23:44 Yeah, go, go.

23:45 Adam Yeah, just go.

23:48 There you go.

23:48 Adam Yeah, just keep going.

23:51 La-di-da.

23:51 Adam Keep going.

23:52 Drew Chris, Chris, think of your career in radio, dude.

23:55 Adam Keep going, buddy. Just keep humming. Hum something. Okay, keep going. You got to keep going. Hey, it's Loveline. Keep going. Keep going. Hum Adam. Oh, we have it. Oh, yeah. Good job, Dave. Yeah, play, play, Mr. Brightside. Yeah. So you hear this song and you hear me talking and then you call in and you win yourself one of these iPod shuffles. It's as easy as that, except for when we go to commercial and Ann explains me something I didn't tell you. All right. So you got it. You hear this song when we come back from break and I don't know if it's going to be this break. The point is it's going to happen.

24:35 Drew Maybe after 11 or whatever.

24:37 Adam Could be well into Rodney on the Rock for all I know. I really have no idea.

24:42 Drew Good times.

24:42 Adam But theoretically, you will hear that and then you will call in and you will get one of these shuffles and I have one. I'm delighted with it. Drew, you have one. You gave it to your kids.

24:52 Drew I didn't give it to my kids. My wife took it from me.

24:55 Adam And gave it to your kids?

24:56 Drew Yeah, the four of them used it. I don't get a chance to use it.

24:59 Adam Oh, Drew, it's got to be tough, buddy. All right, we'll take a little break. Drew in Who Cares? And we'll be right back after this.

25:07 Drew Loveline.

25:08 Okay, wait, wait, my hair.

25:11 Drew My hair.

25:11 We'll be right back.

25:17 Adam Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew in San Antonio tonight.

25:24 Drew And Antonio in our lovely affiliate, 1027Krock.

25:28 Adam God bless them over there. Let me say the one thing producer Anne forgot to tell me. Actually, she did tell me, but the one thing she mentioned I forgot about this iPod thing is when you come on, you have to say iPod shuffle.

25:46 The hell you have to say, Anne?

25:48 Drew No, so when you call in, you have to immediately say iPod shuffle when you hear the killers.

25:53 Adam That's right. That's right. That's how you win.

25:56 Drew And the number you call is the 1-800-LOVE-191.

26:01 Adam That's right. You call in, you say the iPod shuffle line after you hear the killers. All right, Drew, you watch Academy Awards tonight?

26:09 Drew Not one second of it.

26:11 Adam Fantastic, buddy. That's why I can always count on you.

26:15 Drew Do you want me to say yes and not interrupt the flow of the show again or just tell you the truth?

26:19 Adam All right, buddy. Keep telling the truth. Let's talk to Drew. Are you hearing that?

26:28 Drew No, I'm not.

26:28 Adam Yeah, we get this. I've been getting these horrible satellite hits. You know those satellite hits that make it just, your fillings shoot out of your goddamn teeth? Yes. We've gotten, I think that's our fourth in a half hour worth of show. So, according to my calculations, we can look forward to quite a few more of these before the night is true. All right, let's talk to, someone's playing the violin. Vicki?

26:58 Hello.

26:59 Adam You're 19?

27:00 Caller Yes.

27:01 Adam What's up?

27:01 Caller Okay, I have a few different problems which can be called somatiform disorder. I think I heard Drew using that term a few weeks ago. And they are, well, IBS, irritable bowel syndrome, which I get diarrhea a lot, but mainly only when I go out of the house or I'm on a date or something. And then also, I'm studying to be a violinist, and a lot of times I get pain in my arms and my back when I play. And I think that these are not so much physical problems as anxiety issues. And I want to know what kind of doctor to go to because I don't think a psychiatrist could understand like the digestive issues, but like a GI might not know how to deal with the anxiety. So I want to know what you guys think.

27:48 Drew Psychiatrists all the time, yeah, psychiatrists all the time deal with musculoskeletal headache and GI complaints associated with anxiety and mood disturbances. That is what they do. And the interventions that they have are pharmacological for the most part and they actually take care of very nicely these symptoms. I am a big advocate of talking cure also. I mean, see somebody who is a PHD or a PHD or who does intensive therapy to try to figure out why you can't regulate more effectively by yourself. That takes time. In the meantime, the medication might help with these symptoms.

28:23 Caller I have been on Zoloft and it hasn't really been helping, but maybe I should change it.

28:28 Drew Is the psychiatrist that prescribed it?

28:30 Caller Yes.

28:31 Drew All right. Do you officially have a diagnosis of somatiform disorder?

28:34 Caller No, I don't.

28:36 Drew What is your diagnosis? Depression, right?

28:38 Adam Somatiform disorder is a bunch of stuff that happens from, emanates from your head.

28:43 Drew Yeah, it basically means preoccupation with physical symptoms, or in the family of preoccupations of physical symptoms. It's a nonspecific diagnosis, really.

28:52 Adam In layman's terms, it's called a Jew. That's its street name. You call it somatiform, I call it Jew. Yeah. Vicki.

29:03 Caller Yes.

29:04 Adam You gotta be Jewish, because you're playing a violin and you don't sound Asian.

29:11 Caller I'm actually not, but I've been called an honorary Asian because I'm short, too.

29:16 Adam All right. Well, I'm gonna make you an honorary Jew.

29:19 Caller Okay.

29:20 Adam Because you're an honorary. So it's like you got more honorary degrees in Bill Cosby. This is awesome. I had a conversation with my agent about what an a-hole Bill Cosby was, by the way. I don't know the man, but he seems to think he is. And I always agree when everyone thinks, says someone's an a-hole. But you know, that whole part where you go get your honorary degree, where they make you a doctor, always feels weird to me. Like super weird. Like, how about you make me a Super Bowl ring while you're at it?

29:55 Drew Right.

29:56 Adam Like, it seems, it just seems bizarre to go, go travel from college to college, getting doctorate degrees that you didn't earn.

30:04 Drew I'd like some more. I'd like some more of those.

30:07 Adam You should go get some.

30:07 Drew Just add some more degrees. He's fantastic. But listen, Cosby actually did get a PhD though. He was actually at UMass Amherst when I was at Amherst College. All right.

30:15 Adam But then he gets his doctorate from other colleges that he didn't attend to.

30:19 Drew Right. These are his honorary degrees. Yeah.

30:21 Adam Well, that's what I'm saying. I mean, it just, look, I love the idea of having anything. I would like to have the belt buckle that made me the rodeo champion of any given year or Super Bowl ring or any, you know, I mean, wouldn't it be nice to have a ring that says, you know, you played for the 1982 World National Champion Nebraska Cornhuskers? I mean, it'd be awesome except for if you didn't actually, you weren't actually on the team, then it would kind of lose some of its, a little bit of its luster, especially when people asked about it.

30:59 Caller Yes.

31:00 Drew You have the world's greatest and you have a little replaceable plaque in there. Right.

31:04 Adam Yeah. I'm just saying the idea that you get these degrees from these colleges is great except for you didn't actually go to the college.

31:12 Drew Well, but theoretically the degrees are for people who have significant accomplishments that have people that have...

31:19 Adam All right. I'll just give them a plaque then. Don't give them a doctorate.

31:22 Drew We got to get you one of those. We got to get you something.

31:24 Adam I got to get one of those things. Yeah.

31:26 Drew Yeah. It's like what they give the scarecrow and the Wizard of Oz.

31:30 Adam Yeah.

31:30 Drew They got to give you a diploma.

31:32 Adam Get a brain. Vicki? Yeah.

31:35 Drew All right.

31:36 Adam Honorary Asian, honorary Jew. Yeah. Yeah. Go back to the psychiatrist and see what's up. All right?

31:43 Drew Absolutely. Ask for a referral to a therapist.

31:46 Caller Thanks, guys. I really appreciate all I've learned from you guys over the years.

31:50 Adam Thanks, Vicki.

31:51 Caller All right. Have a good night.

31:53 Adam You too. Well, have a good night. We never get that.

31:58 Drew Vicki sounds like this wonderful person. Doesn't anybody get to just be nice and happy?

32:06 No.

32:07 You know what I mean?

32:08 Adam Well, she has to torture herself. Is that what you're saying?

32:12 Drew Well, yeah, but she's truly a nice person, but she can't appreciate it.

32:17 Adam Yeah. Well, nice doesn't count for anything with people, at least to themselves. Nobody gives themselves credit for being nice, and maybe they should. Society doesn't give you much credit for being nice. Society gives you credit for being brilliant, interesting, and deep, or troubled, or thought-provoking, but they don't really give enough credit to nice people. You're right. Nice people make this world a much better place. They're sort of like the pets of the human population. No, no, it's nice. You know, it makes you feel good. You know, you come home, and your dogs are happy to see you.

32:54 Drew I mean, I think there was a time in history where that was really looked upon as the ideal, you know, to be a good person with... They're really talking about nice people.

33:02 Adam Yeah. Being nice is a virtue. More people ought to be nice. It's a great way to be. And it makes people want to hang out with you, too, by the way.

33:15 Drew But nice people carry a burden always. It's sort of a codependency. But isn't it sad that we're set up that way as humans or the way we exist anyway today? Is it if you're nice, other people exploit you, make you feel bad, and you don't get to feel good about yourself?

33:27 Adam Well, most nice people feel like they're taken advantage of. And maybe that's an interesting sort of complexity to being nice, which is maybe they're not so nice.

33:40 Drew Maybe there's an aggression underneath.

33:41 Adam Maybe there's a way of just setting up this self-fulfilling prophecy where, you know, what ends up happening is, is you're the world's nicest person. So every time your friends want to go out to dinner, you say, wherever you want to eat, that's fine. And then you end up eating at a place you don't want to eat at and you get resentful. But you're still the world's nicest person. But you just complain that people are making taking advantage of you all the time.

34:04 Drew Interesting point.

34:05 Adam Yes. So who are you kidding? You nice people. Knock it off. I see right through you like rice paper in front of a Klieg light. Who are you kidding? How dare you? Nice people.

34:18 Drew Rice paper in front of a Klieg light. What?

34:21 Adam Yeah. That's I could see through that.

34:24 Drew I see.

34:25 Adam See what I'm saying?

34:26 Drew I see what you're saying.

34:27 Adam I see right through you.

34:29 Drew I see.

34:29 Adam Like rice paper in front of a Klieg light.

34:32 Drew Just making note of the genius of that reference.

34:35 Adam Thank you. And Drew, please stop me if I've ever said that before.

34:40 Drew Never. That's why I stopped to make note of it. I don't think anybody's ever said that before.

34:44 Adam Thank you. Now, here's the real fun part. We're going to ask engineer Chris if he knows what rice paper or a Klieg light is.

34:52 Caller You're ready?

34:53 Drew No, I'm good.

34:54 Caller You're ready?

34:55 Drew Ready and action.

34:56 Adam Go.

34:58 Drew Yes.

34:59 Adam Klieg light.

35:00 Drew No, I don't know what that is.

35:02 Adam All right. Rice paper.

35:04 Drew No.

35:05 Adam Okay. All right. See, maybe not such a genius reference after all, Drew, or maybe that much more of a genius reference.

35:13 Construction or something?

35:16 Adam With the rice paper, the Klieg light.

35:18 Caller No, the Klieg light.

35:19 Adam The Klieg light are those big lights that go in front of the big movie theaters when they do the Hollywood premieres. Yeah.

35:27 Caller Like a spotlight.

35:28 Adam Like a spotlight. Yeah. Such as tonight at the Academy Awards.

35:33 Drew Hollywood and Thailand.

35:34 Adam You could see those things.

35:35 Drew Did you have to drive through all that traffic? Oh my God.

35:38 Adam It seemed to break up by the time I hit the road or something. There was a fair amount of it. I guess the Oscars ended kind of early by Oscar, you know, standards tonight. I think it ended at like 844, something like that I'd noted, which is I guess about a three hour and 15 minute ceremony, which is nice. I didn't see the opening act and I only saw bits and pieces of it, but getting hit hard by these satellite flares, it's true. It's really, it's mind-boggling.

36:15 Drew You know what, I'm kind of hearing them way off in the distance, it's sort of a crackly sound. You've had like three in the last three minutes, right?

36:23 Adam What's that?

36:24 Drew You've had like three in the last three minutes.

36:26 Adam Yes. Yes, it's painful. But I'm a pro, so I'll continue. So anyway, I guess the show was a pretty good show and Million Dollar Baby seemed to walk away with most of the accolades. Did you see that, Drew?

36:40 Drew No, I did. I heard about it.

36:41 Adam I thought you saw that.

36:43 Drew I heard it got four. Did it get best picture?

36:45 Adam I guess it got best picture, best supporting actor, best actress, and best spit buckets, a new boxing-oriented one. Now, I don't know. Yeah, maybe Clint Eastwood would want it. I'll tell you, you will probably be disappointed when you see this movie. It is not best picture material in my mind at all. One of the main, listen, hold your ears if, well, Drew, you don't care. But if you haven't seen it, hold your ears. But one of the things, I would argue that it can't be best picture for this one flaw. Just going to hit again. At the end of the fight, the hero gets to, has a big boxing match. And the other girl, I'm trying not to give away too much, basically ends the fight by fouling her out. As she's walking back to her corner, the other chick just comes up behind her and whacks her in the head and hurts her, okay? They give, throughout the rest of the movie, there's another half hour worth of movie, they keep referring to her as being so close to winning the belt, but she didn't win the fight, she never won the fight. The reality is, is you win the fight if somebody comes up behind you and hits you in the head while you're walking back to your corner after the bell rings. They give you win the fight if you can't continue. That's Evander Holyfield got knocked out of the Olympics because he hit a guy from like Sweden a second after the bell rang and knocked him out and they gave the guy the victory because he got hit after the bell rang.

38:31 Drew And by the way, it wasn't like he chased him back to the corner, he just swung late.

38:35 Adam They were trading in the middle of the ring and he hit him a beat after the bell rang and still the guy got the victory. If you're boxing and you know the bell rings and you turn around and start walking back to your corner and the guy comes flying up behind you and hits you with his elbow and you can't continue, guess who wins the fight?

38:53 Drew That's right.

38:54 Adam Yeah, they don't give it to the guy who punched you in the back of the head. That was a huge screw-up on their part.

39:04 Drew I'm going more Torium. I refuse to see the film because of that. That will distract me beyond belief.

39:09 Adam And they kept going back to this, you know, after the thing they kept going back with like her comically ridiculous, her cartoon family going, well, baby, you lost the fight. Now, don't forget, you lost, you know. And it was like, no, you would have won the fight. And somebody should have somebody on set or somebody read the script or something should have just got on the Internet for 10 seconds. Obviously, this is a bunch of them Hollywood Quimby types who don't know anything about sports and stuff. Some any any normal guy would have raised his hand and went, wait a minute. The other chick fouled her. She would have won the fight. Or or let's do the math. Did the other chick win because she attacked her after the bell rang? You know what I'm saying? See, you don't have to see it, Drew.

39:56 Drew I'm not going to.

39:57 Adam You're fine.

39:58 Drew I'm on Corolla moratorium.

39:59 Adam Thank you. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

40:04 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

40:07 Loveline will be right back.

40:17 Adam There, buddy, it's Loveline.

40:19 Drew I'm Adam.

40:19 Adam That's Dr. Drew in Corpus Christi.

40:24 Drew San Antonio.

40:25 Adam San Antonio. Oh, same. It's all one big Spanish surname.

40:30 Drew You know, this is really a pretty town, though. I gotta tell you something. It's amazing. Really, I would come back here. It's beautiful.

40:36 Adam You would. All right. Why don't you stay?

40:39 Drew Well, cause then I'd take S from you every night.

40:41 Adam I mean, you don't have to come back. You just stay. Hey, relocate San Antonio. Where's the Alamo, Drew?

40:49 Drew San Antonio.

40:50 Adam Yeah. Move into that Alamo. Rent yourself a car. I bet the guys who all died at the Alamo are excited that now it's a crappy car rental place. I'm sure. Probably just that they had in mind. All right, Drew, on the phone. And this could be a disaster, but it could also prove to be interesting. We were just, I was just complaining about Million Dollar Baby, which cleaned up at the Oscars tonight, by the way. On the phone is Gannon, who's 33, and claims that his dad wrote Million Dollar Baby. They can explain it to us, but the guy who wrote Million Dollar Baby is not that old. I didn't, I didn't think. Gannon?

41:33 Yes, sir.

41:34 Adam Your dad wrote Million Dollar Baby?

41:37 Yeah, my dad's name is Jerry Boyd. He wrote, I don't know if his name is FX. Toole. He actually wrote the story about four years ago. And Paul Haggis is the one who wrote the screenplay, but my dad was the author of the original story.

41:50 Adam Oh really? Did he get any money out of it?

41:53 A little bit, but he passed away two and a half years ago. So we haven't really gotten anything either. It's kind of one of those things, but hopefully someday we will.

42:01 Adam Well, we must have been excited about it cleaning up at the Oscars tonight.

42:05 Absolutely. Absolutely. We're ecstatic, jumping for joy.

42:08 Adam So what did you think about? Well, you can explain the whole foul out thing to me. So your dad, so what did your dad write?

42:20 He wrote a book called Ropeburn, Stories from the Corner. It was a collection of six short stories, and that was published in about 2000. And from that, Paul Haggis and Al Reddy, Al Reddy was one of the producers, Paul Haggis was the screenwriter. He took two of dad's stories and merged them into one story. And that became the screenplay that Clint Eastwood shot and made into the movie.

42:47 Adam Okay. Now, how, so can you explain what my problem with the movie, which was the foul out part at the end?

42:56 Yeah, absolutely. It's kind of funny. When you mentioned Evander Holyfield, to put it in perspective, when I was much younger, I actually was at that fight with my dad at the, I think it was at the Sports Arena in LA.

43:07 Adam Yes, it was.

43:08 84. Yeah, we were actually at that fight and saw that happen. And it was one of the strangest things I've ever experienced. And it was one of the most surreal experiences. And then to hear you talk about it was kind of funny. But from reading the book and knowing the book pretty well, and yet having Paul Haggis make sort of a translation almost of it, my take on it was that it happened. In the movie, it made it come across like it was about the third round. And there were two things that happened. One of them was the way that it looked, the referee, they kind of made the referee look like kind of dumb and didn't really see anything happen. So that was part of it, which kind of almost reckons back to the WWF or something when the rest don't see things. But on top of that, from what I remember, a championship fight, if there's a disqualification, the champion, I believe, retains her belt unless she's beaten. And a lot of times, a fight that's disqualified early in a fight doesn't count towards that. So that was the thing.

44:13 Adam Well, I mean, but that's for like an accidental headbutt where there's a bad cut and they can't continue, and it's before the third round or they haven't done three rounds, like before the fourth round. So here's the rule, as far as I know. This is Loveline at its best, which is if these guys are fighting for the championship belt and they accidentally butt heads and one guy gets a cut, you know, the size of one of the Klitschko brothers forehead cuts and can't continue the fight, then it's a draw. I mean, it's a non, it essentially the fight didn't happen and whoever had the belt going in continues it. If it happens after they have three or four rounds in the bag, in the bag, then they go to the scorecards. All right. Let's see who was ahead. And it sort of makes sense. It's like, all right, we fought enough to decide if there's a winner or loser. But if the bell rings at the end of the second round, I'm walking back to my to my corner and you hit me in the head with a snow shovel, I think that would disqualify you and I would probably get the title. But if the ref doesn't see it, is what you're saying, and he just thinks I have a dent in my head, the shape of a snow shovel, and somehow passed out on my way back to the corner, mysteriously, I see what you're saying. So maybe use some artistic license and it could still work. But I still hope your dad didn't ride in the cartoonish family, who yelled at her for buying them a house.

45:45 Caller Well, you know, it's kind of funny for me. I'd say read the book because it was a great read. You know, every author's family is going to say that. But it wasn't the same way now. It was close. There were certain parts of it, but it was more fleshed out in the book. But that's one of the things, you know, you take a story, you put it on film, and there's only so much they can put on film in two hours. Wow.

46:06 Drew Do you write too?

46:07 Caller No, no, no, no. I don't, I wish that I had my father's talent in that sense, but my dad struggled for, he was 70 when he passed away, he was 72, pardon me, and he had written since he was about 18, and he didn't have anything published until he was 70. So he was a bit of a glutton for punishment, but my dad was actually, he worked the corner, he was a corner man, he was a trainer, that's what he did. So all the stuff about the book really comes from fight guys. When you read the stories, the one thing that Paul Haggis has kept saying is you really got the stink of the gym when you read the story. And I would say to anyone who has any interest in boxing to read them, the Quick Reads, it's only about a 300 page book, it's got six stories. And it really does justice to boxing.

46:59 Adam What's it called, Gannon?

47:01 Caller It's actually just been re-jacketed, it's called Million Dollar Baby, Stories From the Corner. You can find it at any bookstore across the country. They re-jacketed it so it looks, the poster from the movie is on the cover of the book.

47:13 Adam Right, smart, right.

47:14 Drew I'm gonna read the book and not watch the movie.

47:16 Adam Ready to go to break. Thanks for calling, Gannon, running up against the break here. His dad was like Ernest Hemingway. It's awesome. I'm gonna kick my dad in the nuts. All right, we'll take a quick break, be right back after this.

47:31 Caller Alright, guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:36 Drew One call's all you need to make.

47:38 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:39 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:41 Call the Dateline.

47:43 Caller Oh yeah! Everybody now! UGH! UGH!

47:49 Love Line will be right back.

48:02 Adam Yeah, everybody. Get it on, that's what I'm talking about. Gotta get it on. Can't not have to, got to get it on. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-ER. Tried to watch at Academy Awards tonight with my wife and a bunch of our friends she invited over, and chicks can't stop picking other chicks apart. So it's impossible to watch. So you just, you're just sitting there there, and all of a sudden, you know, Meryl Streep comes on, it's like, oh my god, she got fat. She got fat. And then the stupid chick argument stuff starts. She's not fat. That's the widescreen. It is not the widescreen. Widescreen doesn't make you wider. I'm not saying, it's like, oh, like Christ.

48:56 Drew I still run out of the room screaming.

48:58 Adam No, I had the dignity to, I took out the fireplace poker in front of everyone. I stood in front of the TV and I fell on it. Like a Japanese general. It went right through me. And they kept going. Adam looks fat falling on the fireplace poker. One of them commented, that's the last thing I heard before I just saw black. It was sort of flat line. Then I hovered over my body and heard them talking. They just wouldn't stop. Yeah. It's nonstop. It's either crazy praise. Oh my God, she's so beautiful. Where did she get that necklace? What's that necklace cost? It was either that or she's fat. I hate her. It's like every woman needed to be commented upon. Guys don't do that. Guys can watch something and not go, Oh, there's Tom Selleck. Oh my God, he shaved his mustache. He looks 10 years older with that mustache. You know what I mean? You're allowed to have a guy enter the room and go, a guy enter the TV and talk and then leave without making a bunch of comments about him and his physicality and what he looks like. Yeah. Yes. William H. Macy has really gone gray.

50:17 Drew Oh, their only comment, they don't limit it just to the women.

50:20 Adam No, no, no, no, no. It's all, it's all chicks. But could you imagine guys?

50:25 Drew Yeah.

50:25 Adam That's what I'm saying. Can this commenting on guys?

50:28 Drew Yes. No, not even.

50:30 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Brad Pitt, you know, he's not that good. Yo, look at Dustin Hoffman said work done. You know what I mean? Like, huh. And now you get five or six of them in a room. You can't you can't watch anything. It's mission control. You know what I mean? Yeah. You thought you were just going to go watch the shuttle take off from Cape Canaveral. And next thing you know, you just got 30 guys in a room like I'm sure it's true.

51:01 Caller It's not just a check.

51:03 Adam Go, go, go. Check, check, negative, check, check, back up. That's right. That's green for that's countdown in five, four, check. That's all it is. Just five. It's mission control for dingbats. Five dingbats watching the TV. I can't hear myself think. Oh my. I had to go upstairs and take a nap, which I may have done anyway. Like, oh, and I just realized-

51:27 Drew Did they watch the pre-show too?

51:29 Adam I don't know. I was actually at the hardware store at that point trying to salvage what was left of my dignity. The Burbank Orchard Hardware Supply is really hopping during the, about Sunday night during the Academy Awards. You really get, it is dead in that joint. All right, you ready to rock here, Drew?

51:53 Drew Here we go.

51:54 Adam Let's appendix first. Nice. Vince? Yes. What's up?

52:02 Caller How's it going, Adam?

52:03 Adam Good.

52:04 Caller All right. Well, I wanted this kind of, for Dr. Drew, I was EMT up in Alaska and I had a appendix rupture and it was the fourth rupture. And when they pulled out my appendix, they found a lump in there, came back from pathology as colon cancer. And they said, because of the, I guess the bacteria in the appendix had basically sat in my colon and caused colon cancer.

52:28 Drew Colon cancer or carcinoid? Colon cancer.

52:33 Caller Yeah.

52:34 Drew Wow. Did they, had it penetrated the wall? Or was it localized?

52:39 Caller It was stage two. It penetrated the wall into the periodical fat. And then, but it hadn't reached the major blood vessels yet. And then on Thanksgiving, I had a hippo colectomy done. And then. Yeah.

52:52 Drew Hemicolectomy.

52:53 Caller Right. Yeah. Yeah.

52:56 Adam That's one of the best engines Chrysler ever built.

52:59 Drew Hemicolectomy. Hemicolectomy. They take the part of the colon that goes from the small bowel to the liver, anatomically, called the ascending colon.

53:07 Caller Right. But right now, they've got me on stuff called brand name is XELODA.

53:16 Drew Yeah.

53:17 Caller And then I guess it's called.

53:19 Drew You take it for a few days out of every few, every couple of weeks, right?

53:22 Caller Right. It's two weeks on, one week off. But now, they want to start me on the start date IV chemo, one day treatment.

53:30 Drew Get it. Go as aggressive as you can. Well, it depends what they're going to give you, but go as aggressive as you can. I mean, what you're taking is an awfully mild form of chemo, but the more aggressive stuff, the more poisonous stuff, if they need you to take it, take it. You've got to go as aggressive as possible.

53:47 Caller Right. Okay. And then the other thing, too, is I noticed, I've never heard of it, they said I wasn't going to lose my hair, but my hairline's kind of receding. Is that normal or?

53:57 Drew You know, when people lose hair from chemo, it's because anything rapid growing, any rapidly growing tissue, hair, skin, colon, just sloughs off, just stops. And that's why people get diarrhea and they get hair loss. In this case, the frontal hair loss, I don't know what that would be due to.

54:14 Adam So anything that's rapidly growing, like your fingernails?

54:20 Drew Yeah, all the gets affected. It gets affected. That's the whole idea with the tumor. Because the tumors are rapidly growing and that's what gets, you know, things that are rapidly growing get affected by chemo.

54:33 Adam Do your fingernails fall out ever? They just like grow more slowly.

54:37 Drew They grow, I think, slowly and strangely.

54:39 Caller I've been biting them off, so.

54:42 Adam How was doing the EMT work in Alaska?

54:46 Caller It was pretty interesting. I worked in Palmer, and we only get paid from the time on call, the time we're off call, and it's $7.50 an hour. And now I'm living here with my dad trying to get on with American Medical Response when I'm done with chemo, so.

55:00 Drew Wow. But what is with you having had four ruptures that didn't result, and none of which, except the last, resulting in an operation? Did they just miss it?

55:09 Caller Well, no. When I was in Korea, in the Army, I went to one-to-one for appendicitis, and the doctor said, Well, we know you have appendicitis. Everything says you have appendicitis, but I think you're constipated. I think you have mono. I ended up spending two days in the hospital with 104 fever, and then they sent me home. Then I had another rupture and I figured, well, I'm not going to go to sick hall for it, because they're just going to send me home again. Then in 2002, on Halloween, a doctor in Simi Valley told me, he said, Well, you have appendicitis. What do you want to do about it? I said, Well, I'm with the VA, and I don't know who's going to pay for it. And he said, Well, since you don't know who's going to pay for it, I can't operate. And then the fourth one told my doctor about it, and he said, I don't care who's going to pay for it, I'm taking it out right now. So. Right.

55:55 Adam Yeah. That's how Drew would have been. I mean, the first doctor, not the second. Yeah.

56:01 Caller My doctor up in the last one, Dr. Cohen, he's been really great. He's been really helpful with me. And then he said contact an attorney, though.

56:08 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, look, you got to take care of yourself. I know it sounds trite, but I mean, at this point, it's a serious situation, but it can't, that can be OK.

56:19 Drew They may have got to just nick a time, but you got to be as aggressive as possible.

56:23 Adam Yeah. I was talking to this kid today, by the way, who told me he was being home schooled. And this one of the Chattie Cathy's that came by one of the kids, he said that he was, I said, why'd you drop out of regular school? I said, the teacher hated him. I started to take a breath like, and he told me the story. And you don't have kids ever believe it or not, but they start with like, she didn't like my penmanship. So when I would hand in papers, she would just look at me and tear them up and throw them right in the garbage can, right in front of me. It's like, yeah, I'm sure it's exactly how it goes. But you know, that's the kid's sense of it. But you always wonder, do they ever believe it exactly? And then more importantly, do they expect you to believe it?

57:15 Drew Well, and now that the parents have to co-sign that crap in order for it to be perpetuated. I mean, my kids come up with that stuff every once in a while and we just laugh at them, like, cut it out, please. And the whole family gangs up. Yeah, they go, are you kidding? Are you kidding? And you know, but if a family went, really? I'm gonna have a talk with that teacher, then you're done. Then it's tough.

57:35 Adam Well, yeah, you got that family. It says, they're just jealous.

57:38 Drew Yeah.

57:39 Adam It's like, yeah, jealous of your horrible penmanship and bad grammar. All right, let's keep on keeping on here, Drew. Allergic to condoms. Yeah, 87 minutes. Yeah. What do you say? Mary?

57:53 Caller Yeah.

57:54 Adam 21?

57:55 Caller Yep.

57:56 What's up, baby doll?

57:58 Caller Hey, thank you guys for taking my call. I listen to you every single night. It's a great way to start my evening.

58:03 Adam Thank you. You say start. Yeah. Do you work at third shift or something?

58:09 Caller Yeah. I work nights.

58:12 Adam What do you do? All night attorney?

58:15 Caller No. I'm in the military.

58:18 Adam On the military?

58:19 Caller Yeah.

58:20 Adam You don't hear about people in this man's army working all night.

58:25 Caller Well, we got or I'm doing base security.

58:28 Caller So.

58:29 Adam Oh, I see. Are you an MP?

58:31 Caller Yeah.

58:32 Caller Hmm.

58:33 Drew Good times.

58:34 Adam Yeah. So you're just what base you you're looking at?

58:40 Caller I can't say. I'm not supposed to be on my cell phone right now.

58:43 Adam Oh, OK. You drive around in a jeep or you're on patrol?

58:47 Caller Yeah, I'm on patrol.

58:49 Adam Cool. Do you have one of those white helmets?

58:52 Caller Oh, hell no.

58:53 Drew Yeah, see, on your on your on your sleeve, give us arm bands as MP.

58:58 Caller No, we have we have badges on our camis.

59:01 Adam Nice. And then when you're done with that, you go into law enforcement, right?

59:06 Caller Maybe.

59:07 Adam All right.

59:09 Caller Anyways, I have like I've been taking orthotri-cyclin for four months now.

59:16 Drew And I think we just take a beat for a second. Just one second. I'm sorry to interrupt you. But this is irony strike me on multiple levels with this call. One is that that a group of military personnel who is highly structured lives need to be policed by people who eventually police criminals. That's kind of weird, isn't it?

59:37 Adam Well, it's not all about policing their own, though. It's also about security around the base.

59:44 Caller A lot of it is because like what patrol deals with is like we've got people from all walks of life in the military, I mean, like low income families. And is that interesting?

59:57 Drew I think that is fascinating. A, never mind.

59:59 Adam Well, wait a minute. Hold on, Drew. I don't I don't mean to cut you off at the A hole, but not I've always said that military people are basically, you know, this is your high school dropouts.

1:00:13 Drew Yeah, but they're in a highly structured life. You know, they're they're they're held, you know, they're they're contained and they still be placed.

1:00:21 Caller They still need a place that the high structure leaves a lot of stress in the home. We wouldn't believe how many domestics we have to deal with.

1:00:28 Drew So, oh yeah, all right, so there you go.

1:00:32 Adam I'm not surprised at all.

1:00:34 Drew All right. And that this should be a young lady doing this.

1:00:38 Adam That's interesting.

1:00:39 Drew Interesting. And then number three, so about my birth control pill. Yeah. It's so, I mean, it's just ironic.

1:00:46 Adam We're living in the 90s. You better, you better come to grips with that, buddy. Go ahead, Mary.

1:00:52 Drew So, orthotricyclin.

1:00:54 Caller I'm on orthotricyclin and I've been using the same type of condoms, probably, you know, for as long as I can remember. And I think the tricyclin is giving me an allergic reaction. The, like, it just, it kind of burns, like the spermicide burns and like the area can be inflamed after.

1:01:13 Drew Okay, hold on. Why, if you're on birth control, are you using condoms?

1:01:18 Caller Cause my husband and I really don't want to have a baby right now.

1:01:22 Drew Wow. That's overkill.

1:01:23 Adam Yeah, the military for that kind of thing.

1:01:25 Drew I am not saying that people on birth control shouldn't use condoms because if they're having multiple partners or they're not a monogamous relationship, obviously that's a reason to use a condom. But if you're in a monogamous relationship, birth control pill and condom, that is overkill. Okay, but that being said, it's possible that the pill is causing some, what we call vaginal atrophy, that there may be a relative estrogen deficiency down there and that may be what the irritation is being caused by. So it really isn't an allergic reaction so much as just a dryness and irritation down there. Okay. All right, so you need to talk to your doctor about maybe something that can be done about that. And then, yeah.

1:02:03 Adam Yeah, go ahead, finish off with her.

1:02:05 Drew I'm just saying, and then maybe try some different kinds of condoms. I know you've been using the same one for a long time, but try something different.

1:02:11 Adam Let me say this, Drew.

1:02:14 Drew Say this, Adam.

1:02:15 Adam I just stumbled on to something I think is going to be very profound and very heavy. So, Chris, you can take your headphones off. Because, you know, it's nothing worse than when you're laying out something that's super heavy and you're staring at your engineer and you look like you're at the aquarium and you're staring at a giant sea bass. Just giving you that look. I don't know even know what you are. You think the bass even knows what you are? Okay, here's my point.

1:02:43 Drew I think the bass knows more than Chris does about you.

1:02:45 Adam Are you ready? Are you ready? How dare you? Oh, wait a minute. That's an assault. Yeah, it's an attack on me. Are you ready to get heavy here? Is everyone ready to get heavy for a minute? Think about this. Think about it is 2005, right? Yeah. I say we can do whatever we want until 2020. And here's where I say this. Here's where I say this. Historically, maybe 215, but historically, you know, you hear about the 90s and hear about the 80s and hear about the 50s. I mean, think about the last century. You had like, well, the 20s, those are your, you got your roaring 20s and then you got your 30s. You hear about the big boom, industrial boom.

1:03:31 Drew And then you hear about the aughts.

1:03:33 Adam You don't hear about the teens. I mean, you don't hear about the aughts. You don't hear people going, oh man, the crazy tens.

1:03:43 Drew You know what they say, though, at the turn of the century.

1:03:48 Adam Yeah, I'm just, even then, you don't hear too much talk about it. You definitely hear a lot about, you hear a lot about 40s. Oh man, it was World War II. You hear a lot of 50s. Hey, it's the Sock Hop and all those groups you never heard of. Then you hear the 60s. It's like the Man and the Sitar and then the 70s. You hear about 80s, cocaine and Miami Five. You hear about everything. You never hear about, oh man, 1908, 1910. You just never hear about it. I don't think people really start paying attention in the first 15 to 20 years of the decade.

1:04:27 Drew Well, more importantly, there's no aphorism with which to refer to it.

1:04:31 Adam Yeah, you can't call it anything. That's the real thing. Like people go, hey buddy, we're not living in the 70s, but you can't do that. Hey buddy, we're not living in the 2005s.

1:04:42 Drew The zeros.

1:04:43 Adam We're not living in the zeros with the five at the end of it. Yeah, it doesn't work. Here's my point, have at it. We can all do as we please.

1:04:53 Drew It's going under the radar. It's going under the radar.

1:04:56 Adam We'll not be judged.

1:04:56 Drew We'll never hear about it.

1:04:58 Adam This is like one of those classes where you don't get a grade. You just get a pass. All we got to do is show up a couple of days. We'll be fine. So I'm saying now, you start, and I wonder if it'll be the same in this decade where it's like, I keep saying decade. What am I talking about?

1:05:16 Drew What are you talking about?

1:05:17 Adam No, I don't mean this decade. Yeah, I don't mean this decade. I mean a hundred years.

1:05:22 Drew A century.

1:05:23 Adam Brain fart. This century. Sorry. Yeah, in this century, I wonder if it'll be a lot of, I mean, it's weird. It's going to be weird now, but when a hundred years from now, is there still going to be just mostly people focusing on the 70s and the 80s? You know what I mean?

1:05:40 Drew Yeah.

1:05:40 Adam The 50s. It's just that turn thing. People don't remember that much. In 2005, it's like, anyone know anything that went on in 1905?

1:05:51 Drew It's going to be about the 20th century.

1:05:54 Adam All I'm saying is, you hear 40s, you hear 50s, you hear 70s, you don't hear 05s. Let's just do as we please. Let's burn this mother down. We'll not be judged. That's all I'm saying. Heavy, huh, man?

1:06:08 Drew Oh, man. Dude, you are heavy.

1:06:10 Adam That is some heavy ass. Marie?

1:06:13 Yeah.

1:06:14 Adam You're 24?

1:06:16 Caller That's right.

1:06:17 Adam What's up, sweetness?

1:06:19 Caller Okay. I've been going out with this guy for, since like November of 2004.

1:06:28 Adam So, no one's going to remember that.

1:06:30 Caller I know, right?

1:06:31 Adam Yeah.

1:06:32 Caller But I've been going out with him for, you know, I guess a few months or whatever, but he's been saying like, whenever we're like intimate or whatever, he'll say, well, you know, we're going to need to have sex or whatever because we'll be doing oral. And he'll say, I can't like orgasm from that. So I want us to have sex. So I was like, yeah. So I was like, OK, fine, whatever. But I want us to use condoms on, to use protection. And he's like, well, I can't orgasm if I have a condom on. And I'm like, OK. So I'm like, well, as long as I trusted him and everything. So I'm like, OK, fine. Just, you know, I'm not trying to get pregnant or anything. So just, you know, pull out when you have to.

1:07:20 Drew No, pull out doesn't work. Pull out does not.

1:07:22 Adam Well, let her finish the story.

1:07:24 Caller No, you're right. I learned that the hard way, actually.

1:07:26 Drew But even if he does pull out, it doesn't work. They have some emissions before they ejaculate that's very high in sperm. So he leaks a little bit beforehand. So even if he had pulled out prior to ejaculation, you should be using the morning after pill.

1:07:41 Caller You're exactly right, Dr. because this is what happened. Yeah, this time he didn't even pull out. He just like stayed. And I was like, dude, what the hell did you do? So I did have to take the morning after.

1:07:55 Adam And what did he say? I mean, he never pulled out, huh?

1:07:59 Caller No, and I turned around and I'm looking like, what did you do? And he's like, oh, oops. And I'm like, oops, what the freak? You know, so.

1:08:08 Caller Yeah, whoo, whoo.

1:08:10 Drew Scared me there for a second.

1:08:11 Adam No, I heard it. I'm cool. Yeah.

1:08:13 Caller So I was, I mean, I was, I was saying also, so I was like, you know, well, what am I going to do? And because, you know, I was like, I'm not trying to be pregnant right now. I got a lot of stuff I'm trying to do. And I get to use.

1:08:24 Drew Good for you. You take the morning after pill?

1:08:26 Caller Yes, I did.

1:08:27 Drew Good girl.

1:08:28 Caller And it worked everything fine. It all worked out.

1:08:30 Drew Well done.

1:08:32 Adam Yeah.

1:08:33 Drew Beautiful.

1:08:33 Hey.

1:08:35 Adam Nice work. We salute and applaud you.

1:08:38 Caller Thank you.

1:08:39 Adam Actually, Drew applauds you while I salute you.

1:08:42 Caller Thank you. Go ahead.

1:08:44 Drew But your question.

1:08:45 Caller Yes, my question is, is, you know, is he just like, kind of pull the wool over my eyes by saying that guys, you know, him in particular can't, you know, can't have an orgasm if he's wearing a condom? Like, can that really be true?

1:08:59 Drew It can be true, but guys don't, there are some guys that don't like how a condom feels or it affects their ability to have an orgasm or more frequently it affects their ability to sustain an erection. And there's a very simple equation here. They don't wear a condom, they don't have sex. That's it, period. You're in control here. You are in control. So you set the standards. He's got to follow it or ain't nothing going to happen. That's it. Believe me, he will wear a condom.

1:09:23 Adam Yeah. You know the one I haven't heard for a while, which was always just sort of stupid, like where they go like, it's like wearing a raincoat in a shower.

1:09:32 Drew Yeah.

1:09:33 Adam And that's one of those stupid dude-isms that seems to catch on. I mean, it's like, if I thought of that, I would have labeled it a good solid four and a half and then moved on.

1:09:43 Drew But you know what, I think that came around like the late seventies and then we believed nonsensical aphorisms like crazy. We attached ourselves to them. Yeah, that's it. That's reality.

1:09:54 Adam Yeah. Well, first off, it serves a purpose unlike wearing the raincoat in the shower. But from a sensation standpoint, it's a little better than that. But yeah, especially if you compare it to the alternative, which is usually not getting laid. That's what the alternative has to be. See, you ladies have to make the alternative to wearing a condom, not having sex without a condom, but not getting laid.

1:10:21 Drew Right.

1:10:21 Adam If that's the alternative, then it's a raincoat in the shower at any time.

1:10:26 Drew It's a raincoat on.

1:10:28 Adam That's right. Dog can't smell his own ass. You think it was the same dude who did that one?

1:10:37 Drew Probably the same kind of dude.

1:10:40 Adam My dog not only can smell his own ass, but can smell every dog's ass, including his own ass.

1:10:47 Drew And at 10,000 times the intensity. Oh, I've got a video I was going to give you about dogs sniffing cancer.

1:10:54 Adam Oh yeah, sure. Yeah, it's happening. Came on. I took my dog for a walk today and it was just, I had to drag it. It was like, it just wanted to sniff every, it can't stop smelling stuff. It's after, eventually I just dragged the dog on his back. Sparks coming out of it. Well, actually I wasn't walking. I had the leash hooked up to the bumper of my car, but I don't get over 15 miles an hour.

1:11:24 Drew Mustn't that be a satisfying life to be able to just have these glorious experiences by sticking your nose into people's ass?

1:11:30 Adam Yeah, it's just a nonstop sniffing. And then when the dog locks it, you know, the dog's got all four paws on deck and it's got the good lean going. And I got the two paws on terra firma and I got the lean going the opposite way. I'm lean, I'm at 45 degrees at this point. Like if the leash snaps, I'm going to break my pelvis. The dog only weighs 45 pounds, but the dog is leaning so hard.

1:11:59 Drew I thought the dog was going to be trained before you got it.

1:12:01 Adam Now, the dog is good. The dog does not do its business in the house and it doesn't chew anything up, but walking the dog is like trying to land a marlin on a, it's like pulling up a world class trophy fish every step of the way. It's like I need a fighting chair. I need to belt myself in and just start tugging. It's really, it's like you're having a tug of war with the dog. It's like a sled team go in the opposite direction. You really realize that four wheel drive works. Nice low center of gravity and all four paws on the ground. Dog just rooting, just pulling. Sniffs everything. Start sniffing my ass at a certain point.

1:12:51 Drew Of course.

1:12:52 Adam But it was awesome because we could really make time.

1:12:56 Drew You just ran.

1:12:57 Adam I just ran and the dog dog took its snout and wedged it between my cheeks and I ran home. It was awesome. Let the neighbors talk. That's what I said. We'll take a quick break. Drew out there in Corpus Christi or Fort Lauderdale.

1:13:13 Drew San Antonio.

1:13:14 Adam San Antonio. And we'll be right back after this.

1:13:18 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline.

1:13:19 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

1:13:28 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Playboy. It girl, bad girl, sexy girl. Paris Hilton is it. Front and center in the March Playboy featuring the 25 sexiest celebrities, our annual music poll, and Debbie Gibson all grown up. Playboy on newsstands now.

1:13:45 Caller Loveline, Loveline, with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:13:52 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew in San Antonio at our new affiliate.

1:14:00 Drew Yeah.

1:14:00 Adam God bless K-Rock out there. We will hop back to the phones.

1:14:07 Drew Isn't that a nice song I'm hearing?

1:14:09 Adam It does sound familiar, yes.

1:14:11 Drew It seems like one we may have.

1:14:13 Adam I think that's a lot like the one Chris was humming earlier in the evening.

1:14:18 Drew Oh yeah, it did sound like this, huh?

1:14:20 Adam Yeah, yeah, it's exactly like it. All right, let's get to the phones and talk to you while poor Kevin has been on hold for 94 minutes. Kevin?

1:14:32 Caller Yeah.

1:14:32 Adam 21?

1:14:34 Caller Yes sir.

1:14:35 Adam What's up?

1:14:36 Caller You know, on the phone, you can't hear the callers talking. Just, I don't know if you guys knew that or not.

1:14:42 Adam No, I didn't know that. Well, maybe that's just because I don't take any calls. Oh yeah.

1:14:49 Drew That could be.

1:14:50 Adam I don't think you can hear them on the radio either. That's why you've been on hold for 94 minutes. Yeah. But, oh, so you can't hear any of the callers when you're on hold. You just hear us yapping.

1:15:03 Caller Yeah, well, I heard the first two girls that you had, and then after that, there wasn't the last two or three people, you can't hear them at all.

1:15:09 Adam I don't think, yeah, I don't think it normally works that way, but I think we've had some technical difficulties tonight, and we've tried changing some things around, so possibly that was the outcome of it.

1:15:19 Drew This is Kevin, right?

1:15:20 Adam Yeah, this is Kevin.

1:15:22 Drew Kevin, are you, did you smoke a lot of pot at one time of your life?

1:15:25 Caller Oh yeah. Yeah.

1:15:28 Drew Yeah, are you, and you're off it now, huh?

1:15:30 Caller Well yeah, that's actually kind of what my question was.

1:15:34 Drew Adam, Adam?

1:15:35 Caller Hmm?

1:15:36 Drew It's not, I don't have a computer in front of me.

1:15:39 Adam No, he doesn't.

1:15:39 Drew I heard a couple words.

1:15:41 Adam No, no.

1:15:41 Drew I knew immediately this is a former, not an active current, but former pot smoker.

1:15:45 Adam No, I told Drew during the break, he was not a current pot smoker.

1:15:50 Drew No, he didn't. I heard him, I heard his thinking, I heard the quality of his voice, and I knew immediately what this was.

1:15:56 Adam He's 21, he sounds like he's 51.

1:15:59 Drew Yeah, but he's got the remnants of the pot laugh.

1:16:02 Adam Yeah.

1:16:03 Drew He's actually, there's actually a laugh coming through the pot laugh.

1:16:07 Adam What's happening, Kevin?

1:16:09 Drew You hear that? Do you see it? You hear that?

1:16:11 Adam No, that just sounds like the pot laugh to me.

1:16:12 Drew No, no, no, because there was enough volume there to actually be called a laugh.

1:16:16 Caller Oh, that's true.

1:16:17 Drew Pot laugh would be much more...

1:16:19 Caller Well, that's true. That I'm getting through the pot laugh.

1:16:22 Drew That's right. So what's that? So what's the question?

1:16:25 Caller Well, my question is, I have a son now. He's a year and a half old, and I have him with this girl. And I was, you know, a few years ago, I was selling a lot of drugs and I was into a lot of stuff. And I went to jail for a while. And I'm out now and I'm working all the time and I'm getting my tattoos removed. And I'm really trying to, you know, get in school and go places in my life. And this girl is, I think that because now that I'm trying to be somewhat successful, that she's like totally not into me anymore. You know, and she says, well, I'm not living with her right now, but she says she wants to move in with me. You know, as we can take care of the kid, but she don't want to sleep with me. And I'm like, well, you know, that's not going to work. And not only that, she got, ever since she had my son, she got real fat. I can't get her, I can't get her to do anything.

1:17:16 Drew But Kevin, you know how it is, when somebody is sort of not well emotionally, they cling on to and attach themselves to other people who are not well. It's just in the nature of things. And now that you've begun growing and healing, that leaves her feeling abandoned, that she's certainly not going to look at her own stuff and come along with you and grow, she instead would rather the relationship just kind of become distant and fall apart. And that's unfortunate, but that's what happens when people get into recovery and get well from their addictions, is the other people either come along for the ride and get better too, or they kind of drift off.

1:17:50 Adam But, you know.

1:17:51 Caller Well, see, the problem is I would like to be around my son and be an active part of his life, you know.

1:17:58 Drew Yeah, but you can be an active part of his life without being in an active relationship with his mom. You can still have a cordial relationship with her and stay very active in his life, but just share time with her. Don't try to have a romantic relationship.

1:18:09 Adam You guys aren't married, is that correct?

1:18:12 Caller No, we're not married.

1:18:13 Adam All right. Kevin is speaking like a true man when he says, she's fat and I don't like to look at her, but she's not moving in unless we can get it on.

1:18:27 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:18:29 Adam That's a guy, right? I mean, a chick wouldn't do that. A chick would be like, I'm not physically attracted to him, so if he moves in, we're not going to get it on. Think about that as a male. Male seems like she's really packed on the weight since she crapped out the kid and I'm turned off to her physically. But if she thinks she's moving in to my apartment without doubling down on the intercourse, forget it. Is that all you know about guys?

1:18:58 Drew That's it. I swear to God. It's so funny, you know, for the...

1:19:02 Adam He doesn't like her as a person. He doesn't like her physically, but she's still not moving in unless he can pork her four times a week.

1:19:11 Drew You know, I swear to God, I've been doing all this stuff on the road.

1:19:13 Adam Is there a female equivalent to that?

1:19:15 Drew No, there isn't. That's the point. I've been learning more and more about the differences between men and women. I'm amazed. We did these masturbation diaries with this couple that sort of documented how they masturbate. And the girl was like, well, today, I'm feeling good about my body. And so I think maybe, maybe I'll get to it. I lit some candles and I'm planning to pour myself a glass of wine. And then later in the day, you see her going, ah, you know, I got stressed out by the kids, maybe tomorrow. And the dude is like, hey, I saw some TV, so I squeezed one off. I was driving in the car and I saw a girl in a bikini, so I squeezed one off. And it's so different.

1:19:47 Adam Yeah. No, no. We're, I mean, we're right. They're wrong.

1:19:52 Drew That's all.

1:19:53 Adam Kevin?

1:19:54 Caller Yes. All right.

1:19:55 Adam Let me explain something. I'll just, you know, I'm no doctor. I'll just put it in layman's terms. You've made a lot of mistakes. And now you've seen the errors of your ways. You don't want to go back in the joint. And you're working hard to straighten your life out.

1:20:10 Drew Enjoy.

1:20:10 Adam Unfortunately, this chick is a remnant of the old Kevin, the one with the tat on the neck and the one who's dealing the drugs.

1:20:18 Right.

1:20:19 Adam Now, let me just say something to everybody. This is why you can't have kids, because you changed, you moved on. Now you got the old chick and the link between the old Kevin and the new Kevin, her representing the old Kevin, you representing the new Kevin is the child. That's the bridge. And you have to walk back to the old Kevin all the time. If the kid's not there, you break clean and it's nothing but new Kevin time.

1:20:50 Drew Yeah.

1:20:50 Caller Yeah.

1:20:51 Drew Right. Kevin, can we take a beat and give Adam a little kudo here? Do you have a tat on your neck?

1:20:57 Caller No, I don't, but I have all of my arms and chest and back and stuff.

1:21:02 Adam All right. That's the only place you don't have it.

1:21:05 Caller Yeah.

1:21:05 Adam Thanks. Thanks for the try though, Drew. Here's the point. You need to take care of your kid. And I agree with Drew. If this girl is well, first off, you break up with her. I guarantee she has another kid with another guy within 18 months.

1:21:20 Drew Oh, absolutely.

1:21:22 Caller Yeah.

1:21:23 Adam I'm already seeing. Does she have any other kids?

1:21:26 Caller No. No.

1:21:27 Adam How old is she?

1:21:28 Caller She's 19.

1:21:30 Adam Oh, she's 19? Yeah. Give her 10 more minutes.

1:21:33 Drew And the trauma survivor, all that weight she has.

1:21:36 Adam I'm sure she... Does she know where her dad is?

1:21:41 Caller Yeah, they don't get along or anything. Well, her dad's a big alcoholic and I think they've talked to each other for years.

1:21:47 Drew But you gotta understand, she needs to be with the alcoholic unless she gets her codependency treated. The fact that you're in recovery, you're not using it anymore, that's no good for her.

1:21:55 Caller Yeah, I do understand that.

1:21:57 Adam And here's the problem, Kevin. As the mother of your child, and unfortunately more important than you, I'm just being upfront with you, in the life of your child, mother more important than father, you're gonna want somebody who ain't driving drunk.

1:22:14 Caller Yeah.

1:22:15 Adam And ain't hooking up with guys, and I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about Uncle Fester who shows up in three years, who's an alcoholic and got himself a tat including the neck. You know what I'm saying?

1:22:30 Caller Yeah.

1:22:31 Adam You see that's what you gotta do now, you gotta protect your kid from her bad decision making. Yeah. And so.

1:22:38 Caller That's the problem, that's what I'm trying to, I'm trying to, I don't know, implement her and my son into my life maybe, you know. And I mean I really, I mean I'm not in the position now, but maybe in like a year I would like to just have custody of him, you know. Right. But you know that's not gonna happen, you know.

1:22:54 Drew Right.

1:22:55 Adam No, no, but, well, look on the good news, she may just, you know, get so freaked out on heroin that eventually you can raise your child, but you know, that's a best case scenario. Here's the thing, you know, I mean that's the other thing too, she's 19, where the hell is she going in life? I mean what, you know, here's what I would love to happen, I would love for guys like Kevin to be able to break through to chicks like this, tell them they need to go to some al-anon, tell them, you know, on behalf of our child, forget about me and you. Let's work, let's work on being sane and let's work on having a good relationship for the kids' sake, you know what I mean?

1:23:38 Drew Yeah.

1:23:39 Adam Oh, the fact, the fact Drew, that these people can crank out kids, I know it just sounds so trite with the, oh you need a license to shoot deer or fish, but you don't, you know, I know that it's been said a thousand times, but we know this chick like the back of our hand.

1:23:57 Drew Yep, I know it is.

1:23:58 Adam Just 19, dad's an alcoholic, dad.

1:24:01 Drew She's tatted up, overweight now, trauma survivor, driving out herself.

1:24:05 Adam Right, dad did lots of abusing, drank some booze, and then he did some booze and abusing.

1:24:11 Drew Boozing and abusing, yeah.

1:24:13 Adam And then he hit the road.

1:24:15 Drew He's rambling.

1:24:16 Adam This mom is going to bring, and then Kevin will clean up, so she's not interested in Kevin anymore. But she'll bring a picture of the next boyfriend who comes over to sleep over.

1:24:28 Drew Oh yeah, please. Please, oh yeah.

1:24:31 Adam Yeah, yeah, it's going to be-

1:24:33 Drew Abusing, abusing and abusing, rambling man.

1:24:36 Adam Right, and as a society, not interested in that connection whatsoever.

1:24:41 Drew No.

1:24:42 Adam No interest. Zero, no interest. We have, listen everybody, we have something that's better than a crystal ball. It's actual science. It's easy to do. We can predict. It's not a, it's not a guy schnauzer who knows when an earthquake's going to hit Yuma. It's actual scientific data, easy to figure out. We know where she's heading. We can head her off at the pass.

1:25:08 Drew Or not.

1:25:08 Adam Pretty easy to do as a society. Not interested? No, no, just want to hear.

1:25:15 Drew How dare you?

1:25:15 Adam When you hear Bush spew out platitudes like no child left behind. Really? Okay. Well, I don't even know what that means. Do you know what that means?

1:25:30 Drew No.

1:25:31 Adam How come, does this guy's, you know, I don't mind Bush, but do you think he knows anything about any of this stuff?

1:25:41 Drew Um, you know, I think he does, but I think he's.

1:25:44 Adam Does he have to pretend like he doesn't know?

1:25:46 Drew I think is that like the rest of me has to pretend like he doesn't know. Yes.

1:25:50 Adam That's that's my question is like, are politicians that stupid and ill informed that they don't realize the kind of stuff we see every night and talk about every night and the easy fixes and changes or I shouldn't say easy, but the ways you could make effective change in this country. And don't talk about it intentionally or they just, or they just, they just keep in quiet.

1:26:16 Drew They keep it quiet.

1:26:17 Adam Okay.

1:26:19 Drew I think it's just a more palatable thing to put it on the on the religious, the clergy. Right. I mean, that's something that people can understand. And if the clergy is in any way sophisticated, they'll send it back to mental health.

1:26:32 Adam Right. All right. But although I did talk to Maxine Waters and she is clinically insane. She just, you know, you know, when you see crazy homeless people?

1:26:44 Drew Yeah.

1:26:45 Adam That's what she reminded me. You know, you know, when the crazy guy comes down the sidewalk, you just look in his eyes and go, oh my God, even a 5000 yard stare and you look down, you don't want to establish eye contact. He's going to stab you with his number two pencil in the neck. That's Maxine Waters over here representing. Where does she represent? California?

1:27:06 Drew Somewhere in LA.

1:27:07 Adam Yeah, she's excellent. She looks clearly, clinically insane. It's awesome.

1:27:11 Drew Nice.

1:27:11 Adam Doesn't know anything. It's awesome. Awesome.

1:27:14 Drew All right.

1:27:15 Adam We'll take ourselves a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:27:19 Hello. This is your radio.

1:27:21 Adam Radio.

1:27:22 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:27:37 Adam Yeah, you know who won the iPod Shuffle Drill?

1:27:42 Drew Who?

1:27:43 Adam Jaime Azcarraga.

1:27:45 Drew Oh, wow, old Jaime.

1:27:47 Adam The old Jaime, 26 from Los Angeles.

1:27:51 Drew Speaking of the old Jaime, I'm gonna do a Hymen reconstruction tomorrow.

1:27:55 Adam Are you? Yeah. You know, I've been wanting to get my B Hymen put back together for a while now.

1:28:01 Drew And after I get the technique down tomorrow, as we say in medicine, it's see one, do one, teach one. So I'm gonna do one. So I'll be able to restore the B Hymen for you when I get home.

1:28:12 Adam Mm-hmm. See one, do one, teach one. Really? That fast, huh?

1:28:17 Drew Yeah. Listen, this stuff is nice. Many surgical procedures are pretty easy.

1:28:22 Adam So yeah, and this one sounds almost like a Finnish carpentry gig more than it does an actual doctor's gig. It just seems like, you know, certain, you know, there's certain things where you involve opening people up and getting ribs spreaders and stuff. And then there's other things that almost just seem like you're working on a piece of furniture.

1:28:43 Drew Right.

1:28:44 Adam Yeah.

1:28:45 Drew I'm so specialized. Yeah.

1:28:47 Adam Who are you doing the Hymen reconstruction for? And what's the reason?

1:28:52 Drew I will meet her in the morning and figure that all out. I talked to one today that had been through it for orgasmic incontinence and he got a Hymen reconstruction. The orgasmic incontinence repair worked. And then the Hymen, I was like, what? She was, oh yeah, I wasn't a virgin when I got married. So I want to give him my virginity. And I'm like, what? What? And I, yeah, I know. And men are just totally confused by this. Like what? What? I'm fine with, what do you, what, what?

1:29:19 Adam Yeah.

1:29:19 Oh well.

1:29:20 Adam He wants to, here's the, let me explain ladies, what's in it for us on the giving you our, you know, giving us your virginity. It's the part where you haven't been porked by countless guys before us that we're attracted to. Not the part where we pierce a membrane of skin that's in your vagina.

1:29:40 Drew It's the territory issue. We don't like other people having been on our territory. That's it. That's the whole thing.

1:29:46 Adam Yeah. You know what this is like? This is like, it's like you coming in 45th in a race, but the person saying we're, we got another ribbon. We're going to string across. You get to break it. Yeah. Oh yeah. Well, see a thousand people entered the marathon. You came in in the mid 800s, but don't worry. We're going to take another piece of ribbon and string it across for you. It's like, it doesn't feel that good. I want to come in first. No, no, we got another piece of ribbon.

1:30:17 Drew And guys, by the way, guys, impulse for this, nobody on my territory thing has a biological heritage to it. The one is, you just want your genes to transmit. The other thing is if another guy's been there, you could get an STD and die. So there are reasons to, you know, these impulses, they're not necessarily good impulses anymore, but they're there. No, they have nothing to do with the membrane.

1:30:39 Adam Yeah, well, what it is, these impulses are sort of vestiges of the past and they had a context or they made sense at a certain point. And it's the same thing when you start talking about, you know, gallbladders or tailbones or something, you know? I mean, these are things that still remain long after they're necessary.

1:30:59 Drew Right, right.

1:31:01 Adam And I would say physically, you know, there are many traits that many animals have. I mean, you know, physical things that their ancestors had that they needed because they didn't eat food that came out of a can, for instance. And this is one of those psychological, sociological vestiges that lingers on pretty much after its useful days have gone.

1:31:26 Drew The problem is, it is so powerful, it still affects how men feel about things. But it's something you need to know if you're thinking about giving somebody your re-virgin.

1:31:35 Adam Right.

1:31:36 Drew Re-virgination, you're going to be a virginator. That doesn't mean anything to the guy.

1:31:40 Adam No, but it is an interesting thing, like when you see, you know, your dog, your domesticated dog rubbing on the foots, you know, the footstool and somebody says, well, they put their scent on whatever. It's like, yeah, but there's no other dogs. You know, they're not living in a pack. There's nobody here but the maid and my wife, you know? Yeah, yeah, but they do it anyway.

1:32:04 Caller Right.

1:32:04 Adam That's how we all are, right?

1:32:06 Caller Right, right.

1:32:07 Drew Thank you.

1:32:08 Adam Oh, sad, isn't it?

1:32:10 Drew Yes, in a way.

1:32:10 Adam Wouldn't it be nice just to get rid of this stuff when we haven't needed it for 100 years?

1:32:15 Drew Speaking of these impulses, they have this thing here called the River Walk. It's just this line of old buildings along a sort of a manmade river. I thought to myself, and it's spectacular. And I think to myself, what is it about being around water that just makes everything better?

1:32:29 Adam Yeah, I don't know, but there's something, I hate to sound corny and feng shui, but it's got to be that womb. It's got to be you floating in that tub of salt water for around nine months that just brings you back to the ocean all the time. It's just so attractive in a weird, visceral level. All right, Drew, well, we successfully taking no call.

1:32:55 Drew That's it? We can't take one?

1:32:57 Adam No, but we got heavy, I'll tell you that.

1:32:59 Drew That's a very heavy show tonight, very heavy.

1:33:00 Adam You got damn right, we got heavy. Julie?

1:33:03 Yes, hi.

1:33:04 Adam Julie's been on hold for 93 minutes.

1:33:06 Drew Adam, how dare you let that happen?

1:33:08 Adam I can't help it, I had to get heavy. Now we're out of time. Boyfriend's dad is marrying her mom. Oh, she's still dating boyfriend wrong. Listen, you're out of the house, right?

1:33:20 Yeah.

1:33:21 Adam All right. Weird, but you're out of the house.

1:33:24 Yeah.

1:33:24 Drew The weird part is going to be when your relationship doesn't work out. That's when the weirdness will ensue.

1:33:29 Adam Right. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back. Well, that's the show, everybody.

1:33:57 Drew Not just any show, but a heavy show.

1:33:59 Adam Yeah. We did get heavy tonight. Heavy. Heavy. Full moon heavy. Sunday night heavy.

1:34:05 Drew Little boxy talk. What?

1:34:07 Adam Yeah. You'll be in town tomorrow night?

1:34:10 Drew Yes, I will.

1:34:11 Adam All right. Just for fun, even if you come in, why don't we set you up in like the entry hall?

1:34:16 Drew Just in just another studio, doesn't that be the hall? Just, you know, even the studio where I can see you. It'd be all right.

1:34:20 Adam Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do that. We can wave.

1:34:23 Drew All right.

1:34:24 Adam All right. We'll take a little extendo break and until next time, this is Adam Crawford, Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:32 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, February 27, 2005