Episode 1000683695723

1:02 This is Love Line, Love Line, Love Line, Love Line, Love Line, with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

2:04 Guest Great to be here.

2:06 Adam We went to dinner with the lovely couple before we came out here tonight.

2:11 Drew At Corolla's restaurant?

2:12 Adam Yes, while not necessarily stipulated in the deal, we thought it's the least we could do. And I've been thinking about you, Drew, and I've been thinking, oh, if Drew's smart, he would have given some undisclosed amount to the Red Cross by now. But you know, the thing about, know what I love about Drew, I gotta say a couple things about Drew. Drew is brutally honest. I will give him that, and not in a way that tells you you're fat or you got a bad haircut, but he can't lie, which is nice. There's a handful of people that can't lie, and that's a good thing because you always know you're going to get the straight answer. Now, last time we were talking about this, I said I gave three grand, David gave, David Melissa gave 15 grand. What did you give? And Drew said, nothing. And then I said, well, give it to the Red Cross. Now, what'd you give, Drew?

3:03 Drew I'm going to my charity Saturday night and double down.

3:07 Adam Going.

3:07 Drew That's what I said. I'm going to double down the charities that I normally give.

3:10 Adam Nothing. Nothing to Tsunami Relief. Remember that? Drew, didn't cross your mind that they're coming in tonight?

3:15 Drew It did cross my mind.

3:16 Adam You didn't want to cover yourself with just some sort of nominal like 50 bucks?

3:20 Drew You can say- But that's-

3:22 Adam Just so you could say, I gave, I gave, I gave, I don't need to talk about it.

3:25 Drew That's lying.

3:27 Adam Really?

3:27 Drew That's lying.

3:27 All right.

3:29 Adam We should take our hats off to Dr. Drew, everybody. Took a lot of guts not to give anything to the Tsunami Fund. Wow, Drew, brazen, by the way.

3:37 Drew Standing by my principle.

3:38 Adam You're like a serial killer.

3:39 Drew No, I'm going to give to the organizations that I normally support and I'm going to double down on that.

3:43 Adam Don't remember the discussion we had about this?

3:45 Drew Yeah, I went home and had a long talk with my wife. She goes, we're going to give to these ones. We always give to it. So, all right.

3:50 Adam Wow, Drew, uncomfortable.

3:53 Drew But honest.

3:54 Adam Honest, but boy.

3:56 Guest At least he gives.

3:58 Adam Yeah.

3:58 Guest I give every year to these.

3:59 Drew These are things I'm passionate about.

4:01 Adam Yeah.

4:01 I might keep them.

4:02 Adam Yeah.

4:02 Drew There you go. Because I'm sure a lot of the local children are losing stuff to the Tsunami Relief. Exactly. Absolutely.

4:08 Adam David, please do not help this man bail his horrible robo to hell out. Jesus. Red Cross, Drew. All right.

4:19 Drew I'll give $50 to make you happy. The nominal ridiculous PR to the Tsunami. Now, David needs to pay to get here.

4:27 Adam What about David?

4:28 Drew Well, David needs to get on the show here.

4:30 Adam Oh, all right. All right. Drew, I'm just, I got to admire you in a certain way. I mean, in a certain way, you know, in a certain way, I admire it. You know?

4:41 Drew It's good.

4:42 Adam Yeah, I admire it. I really do in a certain way. Certain weird way.

4:46 Drew In a certain way?

4:47 Adam In a certain way.

4:48 Drew I got it.

4:49 Adam Yeah, because I thought for sure, I was thinking about it all week, I thought, oh, Drew's got to come up with something. It's going to have the guy sitting right across, $15,000 man and woman, I should say, sitting, not that that's one person, that's a couple here. All right. Way vows, Drew. Bravo. I want to applaud Drew for that. All right. So what are we talking about? We're going to let these guys talk about anything they want to talk about, by the way. Drew, actually, according to my strategy, you shouldn't be allowed to talk tonight.

5:17 Drew That's up to that.

5:18 Adam If you think about it.

5:19 Drew Unless David appoints me.

5:21 Adam Oh, David, you could anoint Drew your official mouthpiece.

5:25 Drew No, just if he indicates I should speak. Yeah.

5:28 Adam You should really control the show, David. You should decide which calls to take, which calls to drop.

5:33 Guest Well, I think the first thing that we should do is shut your mic off.

5:36 Adam Oh, my God.

5:37 Drew Chris, the man has spoken.

5:39 Adam Chris, shut my mic.

5:40 Drew There we go. That's much, much better. Yeah. What a relief. Peace and quiet. Yes, indeed.

5:46 Adam Let me say back up.

5:46 Drew No, the man has not said back up. You can keep talking, just the mic has got to be.

5:50 Adam I'll say it for me. The threatening to shut my mic was like when I was suspended in high school. Oh, I have to stay home for three days? That's punishment? Fantastic. I will be watching a Get Smart marathon. You guys hit the trig books.

6:04 Drew Nice.

6:05 Adam That is what shutting my mic would do for me.

6:07 Drew Trigonometry.

6:08 Adam Yeah. Well, I said you guys. Oh, yeah. I took basic math.

6:10 Drew Right, right, right.

6:11 Adam Actually, high school math, which is somehow more demeaning. Unless you're in junior high.

6:16 Drew High school arithmetic.

6:17 Adam No, it's high school math. Arithmetic actually.

6:20 Drew That was up the scale.

6:22 Adam I think would have been a step up. The difference between math and arithmetic is, I think, the difference between a dead end and a cul-de-sac.

6:28 Drew Yeah, yeah. Better, better.

6:31 Adam Better to have the arithmetic.

6:32 In high school, I had to take business math, which basically was how to balance a checkbook for.

6:38 Drew Oh, really?

6:38 For an entire semester.

6:40 Adam But at least they gave it a nice euphemism so your self-esteem wasn't crushed, like me, taking high school math. Business math sounds like, well, she's going to be running a Fortune 500 company. Oh, they know. Yeah, that's the whole thing. That stuff doesn't fly in the school you're in. Ironically, it would work nicely if you're in another school somehow. But in your school, everyone knows it's, oh, retard math. Oh, retard math.

7:05 Drew That's what you took.

7:06 Adam Business math.

7:07 Drew Oh, retard math.

7:09 Guest In junior college, they don't disguise the retard math very well because what's the basic class?

7:14 Drew They just call it junior college math.

7:15 Guest Well, the basic entry-level class should be Math 100, right? Well, they've got Math 91, Math 92. When you get below 100, it's definitely retard math.

7:25 Adam Yeah, why not just start it at 100?

7:28 Drew It's junior college.

7:29 Adam I know, but why do they have to kick themselves in their nuts that way? You know?

7:33 Drew You have to expect that in a certain way.

7:34 Guest Math 100 was too hard for some people, so they had to find a simpler class.

7:38 I was one of those people.

7:39 Adam All right. I very well would have been, but I had the dignity to pull myself out of that wretched place. So we're going to take some phone calls tonight. Seth Green is coming in tomorrow night. Unclear, did he donate money to the tsunami relief or is he just going to be on the Family Guy another season?

7:57 Drew We'll find out tomorrow.

7:58 Adam Find out tomorrow night. I arrived from Charlotte early this morning. I have to complain a little bit about flying. I dug into this last week a little bit. I thought maybe things had changed. I was trying to catch a few Zs on the plane as I've been known to do. My regiment is have a Bloody Mary at the NASCAR bar that's in the airport. Charlotte. Yeah, Charlotte. Then hop on the plane, glass of red wine, and then lean the chair back. See if I can catch 40 minutes of unmolested sleep before we hit the turbulence. I was tuning around the stations and hit the classical station on the airline station and thought, oh, it's right in the middle of some nice Bach or something. I thought, oh, this is relaxing. I laid down for about three plucks of a violin string and then the blowhard, then Winchester comes on. That was Pachelbel's, Pachelbel's Canon and D-flat major. Actually getting into the composer, the guy who did the Philharmonic, where it comes out of. A minute 25 and I'm just standing there, just moon-eyed and steam coming out of my ears. I thought, there's not one station that can just play some. Shouldn't there be a sleeping station on the plane? Shouldn't there be one-

9:19 Drew The iPod Shuffle.

9:20 Adam One friend, I don't want to advertise them, but one out of the 14 goddamn station that's on the thing should just have a babbling brook. Just a little water trickling. Because don't most people want to sleep on a plane?

9:35 Drew That is a great note.

9:36 Adam If the plane, if the flight is four hours plus, what percentage of the folks on the plane are going to attempt to catch a few Zs? I would say over 50%. And you're not causing any trouble. You're not asking for booze. You're not hitting the thing with the picture of the chick on it.

9:54 Drew Because airlines don't work like television. They don't have 14 guys giving the notes to the airline executives making the choices.

10:00 Adam But they can't, I gotta figure this out. They have like, they have a Nashville station, a Texas station, a country station. They have all different kinds, they have 15 different types of country stations.

10:13 Drew Sleeping station.

10:14 Adam What are people trying to do on a plane?

10:16 Drew Yeah, you're right.

10:18 Adam They, why not just have one, just, just, it's just that babbling brook. It's just that thing and like Enya's in the back. She's in the back like yelling, go to bed. Yeah, Enya's singing, go to sleep, and there's just a babbling brook. And imagine how fast you would fall asleep if you did get a little of that babbling brook in ya. And then once that fires up, that's a great porn name by the way, babbling brook. Enya. Or Enya. On ya. Yeah, yeah, just, you're not, especially in first class, you're not getting the freebies, you're not eating, you're not bugging people, you're just out. I mean, imagine what a windfall would be for the airline if everyone just passed out, and the stewardess just sort of sat there, watched everyone sleep. Why not? Why not coax them to do it? I don't understand it. I don't understand it. Has this, now here's the question, has this never come up? And you've got to believe there's been 100 airlines that have been going on for 50 years.

11:19 Drew And by the way, is it such a terrible expense to do that? Or does it cost nothing?

11:22 Adam You have 14 other stations.

11:24 Drew But none of that.

11:25 Adam No, this station I'm listening to, you've got to hire Winchester to do the VO. Yeah. No, it's ridiculous.

11:32 Drew Yes.

11:33 Adam Why not? Now, here's the thing. Does somebody pitch this and somebody goes, no, we can't do it, or the pilot will fall asleep and will go ride in the Rocky Mountains.

11:42 Drew Nobody's giving notes.

11:44 Adam Somebody's got to do this. Every airline should have one sleeping station. Six hour flight. Most people are strung out and hung over. Just they want to lean back.

11:55 Drew Why don't you establish your own airline? Have as part of that a key sort of marketing plan of promoters.

12:00 Adam Drew, how long have I been screaming about this?

12:02 Drew A while.

12:03 Adam Yeah. A while. Just tonight. It feels like it's been a year. All right, should we go to the phone?

12:07 Drew Let's do that.

12:08 Adam All right, let's speak to Martin, who's 23. Martin?

12:12 Hey, how's it going?

12:13 Adam Good. What's up?

12:14 Actually, I have a question for Dr. Drew. Recently, I was having sex with a girl and she, well, basically she peed on me. Yeah.

12:25 Drew During intercourse.

12:26 I'm sorry?

12:27 Drew During intercourse.

12:28 During intercourse, yes. And she apparently thought she was having an orgasm as, well, I think she was too. I hope she was. But she didn't know she peed on me at the time.

12:39 Drew Right.

12:40 But due to the smell, I knew for a fact that she did.

12:43 Drew And she was wetness. Nice enthusiasm there.

12:46 I knew it.

12:47 Adam Yeah.

12:48 Holy Christ. Okay.

12:49 Adam Yeah.

12:50 So anyway, and shortly after that, she was a little embarrassed for a couple of days. And we talked about it a couple of times. After that, we were taking a shower and she brought it up to me and she said, she reminded me of it. And she was kind of turned on about it. And she asked me if she wanted, or if I wanted her to do it to me again.

13:11 Drew Huh. It went from interesting to bogus.

13:16 Adam Really?

13:16 No.

13:17 Drew I'll go, I'll go. I'll go without bogus.

13:20 She peed on purpose?

13:21 Drew Yeah, she didn't pee on purpose. It was orgasmic incontinence. And then she turned that around and said, now I'm going to do it on purpose.

13:26 Adam Well, maybe she meant in the shower.

13:28 Well, no, while we were in the shower, she, we were talking about it and...

13:32 Adam Yeah. I remember that part from 10 seconds ago. But she talking about urinating on you.

13:38 She wanted to do it to me again because apparently afterwards, like she found out that I was...

13:43 Adam I know again. I know again, but not in the shower.

13:47 Drew Yeah, but afterwards...

13:48 Basically, she wanted to do it again. She wanted to pee on me again.

13:50 I know she can't.

13:52 Adam He can't make the distinction between the shower and in her car. Even though I said, well, maybe she wanted to pee on you in the shower. Yeah, we were talking about it in the shower, but she said she wanted to do it again. Yeah, maybe she meant in the shower. Yeah, that's right. She said again. Yeah, I know, but maybe you want to do it actually in the shower. That's right. She wanted to do it again. Can't make that distinction. I know it wasn't in the shower. I know that's not what she's talking about, but can't he just appease me a little bit and just go, no, she didn't mean in the shower. She meant in the sink. Can't do it? Impossible?

14:22 Drew Impossible.

14:23 Adam Martin, do you not know what I'm talking about when I said maybe she wants to do it to you in the shower?

14:28 Drew All right.

14:28 I'm sorry. Okay.

14:29 Adam Okay.

14:30 Well, she wanted to do it again regardless, whether it be in the shower or not.

14:34 Drew All right. Is it that she wants to have another orgasm of such intensity that she pees and she had felt good to her, or did you react to it in some way that she wanted to do it for you again?

14:49 I'm thinking she wanted to do it because it turned her on afterwards after she did it.

14:54 Drew What turned her on?

14:56 Maybe the fact that I was trying to convey to her that it was okay, like I was trying to make her feel not embarrassed about the fact that she did it.

15:05 Drew No.

15:05 Adam You went overboard.

15:06 Drew Maybe she's just reading it now thinking that's what you want.

15:09 Adam Okay.

15:09 Drew All right. Here's the deal.

15:10 Adam You want baby, it was cool, it was a turn on, I dug it, I never had it before and now she's now, this is like a bad sitcom. Three's company goes scat, which is now she thinks, now she's saying to her friends, I don't want to do it but he's almost forcing me to urinate on him. I guess it's his thing. I don't want to lose him. So I feel like I have to pee on him. Yeah.

15:34 Well, the first time she asked me in the shower, I also told her that I was a little uncomfortable doing that. And she was very persistent about it.

15:44 Drew All right. Let me ask a couple of questions. Is she had any kids?

15:47 No. No kids.

15:48 Drew Does she have incontinence during the day when she laughs or sneezes?

15:52 As far as I know, I don't think so.

15:54 Drew Okay. And she ever done this before with anybody else?

15:56 She says she hasn't. All right.

15:58 Drew And so now there's no problem. So what is the...

16:02 Adam I don't know. I'm with Martin. I believe you, Martin.

16:06 Drew What's the question?

16:07 My question is, is that normal? Like, I mean, is that normal?

16:11 Adam It's not a question.

16:11 Drew It's not a question, Martin. See?

16:13 Adam Yeah. All right. Martin, bogus? Come on, buddy.

16:16 It's really not bogus. I promise it's not bogus.

16:17 Drew Well, there's some version of you. This is a friend of yours problem or something.

16:21 No, no. It really happened to me. I'm just curious. Like, she was quite persistent after the fact, after it happened, about like wanting to do it to me again. And I'm...

16:30 Adam All right. You're not into it?

16:33 No, not at all.

16:33 Drew And I think it's... Yeah, I think that'll put a stop to it. I don't think she's into it either. I think she just sort of was tantalized by it. And the way you reacted, you know, was sort of confusing to her.

16:43 Dr. Drew, can she control it?

16:45 Drew It's called female orgasmic incontinence.

16:47 So, I mean, if it's going to happen, it's going to happen.

16:49 Drew Well, it may never happen again. That may have been just a one-time thing for her. We'll see. But they seem to be going down the path of volitional urination. Like, you want me to pee on you? Here we go. So, mm-hmm. Kind of a non-question.

17:02 If you do that, do it in the shower.

17:03 Drew Yeah, back to the shower again. But I know, but she wanted to ask me... I mean, she asked me if I could do it again. No.

17:08 Adam Yeah. It's awesome. Maybe she wanted to pee on you in the shower. No, she wanted to do it again. I know. Maybe she wanted to do it in the shower. No, she wanted to do it again. I say, I've said it many times, I will put our callers up against any other radio show's callers in a stupidity competition. We will win hands down. That's national or local.

17:30 Guest For the record, I listened to the show, but I've never called it.

17:34 Adam You've never called it?

17:35 Guest Right.

17:36 Adam But we did speak to you on the phone one time.

17:39 Drew Technically.

17:40 Adam After you made your generous $15,000 pledge. I could do the math through and figure out how much more he gave than you did. It wouldn't take.

17:49 Guest I think that's infinity.

17:50 Adam Wouldn't take much. Thank you.

17:51 Drew You wouldn't need the junior college math or even the high school math for that.

17:55 Adam Meg, wave us. Siza, Texas. Meg, 21. What's up?

18:01 Hi.

18:03 Hey, how's it going? I'm fine.

18:04 I'm just surprised.

18:06 Yes, I have a question about orgasm.

18:09 Mm-hmm. Okay.

18:12 I can only get one when I'm on top of my boyfriend or when I'm masturbating and I don't understand why.

18:21 Drew Because you're able to sort of find the spot that causes that to happen and be in control of that. You're way ahead of your peers. The fact that you can't have an orgasm at all during intercourse and especially at your age, that's unusual, it's good.

18:38 It's a little disconcerting though because it makes me feel a little less intimate towards my partner.

18:44 Drew Why?

18:46 Because he can't give one to me. I've never had an orgasm given to me by a guy.

18:52 Adam You just said you were on top during sex, didn't you?

18:55 Drew Most women do not have an orgasm during intercourse at all, okay? Most women. Now the fact that you're, especially at your age, mid-twenties is when women sort of gain that capacity, but most still never do.

19:07 Adam Didn't you say you could have one if you're on top of the guy?

19:09 Drew Yeah, but he's saying that he's got to deliver it to her, that she's able to do it sort of like upon her own, using him.

19:15 Adam Yeah.

19:16 Drew But for him to deliver it to her, to make her have one.

19:19 Adam Oh, cry me a river. Jesus Christ. You had nothing else to complain about? Your life is so perfect that he's not the UPS guy packing an orgasm. You see a brown van pull up in front of your vagina. Please, you're having an orgasm while you're on top of your man. During intercourse. How far ahead of the game you are? You're sickening me. You know what it's like? I feel like a fat chick when a thin chick talks about having to lose five pounds. I just want to strangle her. Take your mighty girth and just pummel her into the ground. So noxious when chicks who weigh 118 pounds are like, yeah, over the holidays, I really porked up. I'm 5'10, I really should be about 110 and I'm about 118. It's just you want to strangle people to do that. It's like these people go, well, I have an addiction to chocolate. Really? I'm struggling with the bottle. You're addicted. You're eating Hershey's. I got the needle, I'm chasing the dragon, you're chasing Hershey's kisses. Really? That's a problem? Yeah, that's my addiction. Shut up. You're addiction. I don't like that. I don't like people do that. I'm angry.

20:32 Drew You're Mr. Excitement.

20:33 Adam I'm Mr. Excitement. That's right. Dax?

20:37 Hey.

20:38 Adam You're 17?

20:39 Caller Yes.

20:40 Adam Dax the chick?

20:42 Caller Yes.

20:43 Actually, my name is Dead Z. I called in a few weeks ago. You weren't there. You were broke down on the highway.

20:48 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah. I threw a belt on the Mini Cooper.

20:52 Drew Oh, the blind collar. Yes.

20:54 Adam Oh, I may have heard this except for I was, oh no, wait a minute. You know what I heard? I heard a horrible foreign guy saying, no, cannot leave car. No, that's $10. $10. Oh God. You guys are from Seattle. God help you if you need anything from a gas station in Southern California other than a Snickers bar. Oh, that. Even that's basically anal rape. But look, if you went to a gas station in Southern California and said, look, Habib, here's $100. Could I have a gas? No, cannot. Not that thick. No. That's everybody. Every goddamn guy who works at a gas station here in Southern California, first off, colossal a-hole. I don't know who runs these things and who franchises these things. I mean, I see the commercials. I know I'm going on on a tangent here, but I see these Union 76 commercials. I got redheaded Murph out there. I want to check the dipstick. You want me to check the tranny fluid too while I got the hood open? Really? Never seen that guy. All I got is super evil, stink-eye foreigner guy. Just knock and knock, talk, no, put the money in the drawer. No, that cannot. Car broke down at the gas station. It's like, is the mechanic here? No, it's not. Okay. Well, my car doesn't run. I just want to leave it here. No, you cannot have to move. Well, it doesn't run. No, you cannot believe there. It's in the gas station. Well, when's the mechanic coming? He comes tomorrow. Okay. So I got to leave it here and then he can look at it. It's $10. It's $10. I'm broken down. I'm not going to the nightclub. You idiot. It's $10. Really, the punishment we take for living in Southern California, and it's not like you fill up once a year. Every goddamn week, you have to go get punished by these A-holes. My question is, who's franchising these places? What about Chevron? What about Union 76?

22:56 Drew Why isn't there some quality control?

22:57 Adam Why is there anyone saying, no, you can't verbally abuse the customers? I mean, oh, man, oh, I'm going to buy a McDonald's, and here's what I'm going to do. First off, new menu, chimichangas. That's it. And secondly, everyone that comes in, I yell at them.

23:10 Drew Yes.

23:11 Adam Would that work?

23:12 Drew Yes.

23:12 Adam Could you do that?

23:13 Drew No.

23:14 Adam What goes on with gas stations?

23:16 Drew You're right.

23:16 Adam How does, you know, Unical? How do they do it? How does Chevron do it? I mean, I've seen your crappy commercials. Everyone's wearing a bow tie and can't get your windshield fast enough, but you come out to Los Angeles and you get yelled at by foreigners.

23:30 Drew You're right.

23:30 Adam How does that work? Can somebody do something about it?

23:33 Drew Great question.

23:34 Adam All right.

23:35 Drew Great question.

23:36 Adam These are all very provocative questions I raise. Jesus, you guys are from Seattle. Don't ever come, don't ever move out here.

23:43 Drew They come here all the time. They see bands down here.

23:45 Adam Yeah, all right. You come down for a weekend, you catch a band, but you don't get the ass kicked out of you by the guys at the gas station over and over and talking through the sliding box. He's standing behind six inches of Lexan. You got your head stuffed into a box. No, no, no, no, no, that's the milky, no, Snickers, no, fun, fun, fun, fun size, fun size, fun size. Okay, that'll do, that'll do, that'll do. Then he won't drop it in. You have a Jag parked out there. He's not going to drop the 59 cent Snickers bar in there until you drop the $5 in there because you know, that's my thing. I pull the Jag up to the 76 station. I get Habib to drop in the Snickers and then I head for the Mexican border.

24:26 Drew Mexican border.

24:27 Adam Mexican border. Police chased me all the way to the border. Helicopters gone. It's like a video game. It's awesome. Yeah, they couldn't even give you just a quiet dignity of just dropping the bar in there.

24:38 Drew No, no.

24:38 Adam All right. A-holes. A-holes. A-holes.

24:44 Drew A-in-hole. I didn't realize how angry I was with the franchises. You're right. That's where you should put the place in the blank.

24:49 Adam What's Unicount doing? What are those retards doing? Turning a blind eye to all the idiots they franchise their gas stations to and Chevron and all of them. Thank you. Yes. Could you imagine any other business running this way?

25:00 Drew No.

25:00 Adam With a franchise like this?

25:02 Drew Imagine the McDonald's equivalent to that.

25:05 Adam Just think about what you'd be getting.

25:07 Drew This is the cable companies syndrome. We have to buy gas.

25:12 Adam Yeah.

25:12 Drew We have no alternative. Yeah.

25:13 Adam Yeah. Yeah. We'll say thank you when we come up with an alternative fuel source. Until then, it's F you. Pump your own gas and drop the five in before we drop the snicker bar in. That's all. All right. Let's take a break. What? She did accidentally pee on boyfriend during sex. Lied on purpose.

25:30 Drew Lied and said she did it on purpose.

25:32 Adam Oh.

25:32 Drew So it's a follow on to that other call. Sophia?

25:35 Adam Sophia?

25:36 Caller Yeah.

25:37 Drew That's right. That's what happened.

25:40 Caller Well, the thing was is like when I heard it, I was just like, it reminded me of what I did because like, I don't know. I don't know if it's because he had like a big penis or something like that. But I would actually pee on him. It would leave like a puddle on the bed.

25:53 Drew All right. Hold on. Hold on. All right. We're going to talk more about this.

25:56 Adam Then we got poor Dax who made the mistake of reminding me of something.

25:59 Drew Yes. Of anything. Of something. She said she was blind and you went nuts.

26:03 Adam Yeah. Oh, she's blind. Yeah. All right. Melissa and David are both here tonight. They very generously gave $15,000 to the Tsunami Relief Fund that we were doing some weeks back and have earned themselves the right and privilege to come on the show tonight and watch me yell at foreigners for a whole two hours.

26:22 Drew And franchisees.

26:24 Adam And franchisees, yes. Just imagine the McDonald's equivalent to those eight holes with that. What would that menu be like? What would the bathroom?

26:32 Drew Well, the bathroom wouldn't work.

26:35 Adam You wouldn't be able to use it.

26:36 Drew It would be condemned.

26:37 Adam Yeah. You understand you can't use the bathroom in any Southern California gas station. All been out of order for nine years. They don't want you.

26:45 Drew Everyone.

26:46 Adam Yeah. They're not out of order. They just don't want you using them because there's nothing in it for them. You just leave a little tinkle behind and use a paper towel. Of course, that doesn't put money in the pocket. All right, Drew. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

27:09 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Playboy. Why put Paris Hilton and the 25 Sexy Stars in the same issue along with our annual music poll and Debbie Gibson's pictorial? After three months of winter, we figured you could use some thawing out. March Playboy on new stands now.

27:23 Drew Hey, Loveline fans. Be sure to listen all next week as we will be giving out the new iPod Shuffle every night. And certificates for you to download 20 songs from iTunes. And here's how it's going to work. Every night we will be playing random iTunes artists coming out of the breaks. And at the beginning of the show, Adam and I will read the iPod Shuffle artists and song of the night. When you hear that song, be the first to call in, mention the iPod Shuffle and you will win. I got to tell you, I'm actually very excited about this. These iPod Shuffle are cool. My kids are dying for one of these. Well, now I've got one and I love it. Guarantee they don't turn right on road.

28:10 Adam Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend Seth Green in here tomorrow night, David Roos in here tonight, along with his beautiful wife, Melissa. We went out, had some dinner with the loving couple this evening because they were generous enough to donate $15,000 to the Tsunami Relief Fund. And for that, they've earned the right and the privilege to come hang out here at Loveline tonight. And also Tom Burbine is going to be in here who actually, actually David matched Tom's and David and Melissa matched Tom's generous $15,000 offering. So that's two. That's 30 grand and should go a long way over there. All right, we ready, Drew?

29:03 Drew Here we go. Yeah, back to Sophia.

29:07 Adam Sophia.

29:08 Yeah.

29:09 Adam So you're 18 and you whizzed on a guy.

29:15 Drew During orgasm?

29:16 Two, actually. Two guys.

29:18 Adam Two guys. Wow. Double teamed.

29:21 Drew You sure it's whizzed?

29:23 Caller Same time? No, no, no. No, two different guys.

29:26 Adam I call it a DP. Yeah. All right. Two different times.

29:32 Drew You're sure it's you whizzed and didn't have an ejaculation?

29:35 Caller No.

29:37 Drew How are you sure?

29:38 Adam I know.

29:39 Caller I would have known.

29:42 Drew How do you know?

29:42 Caller What do you mean?

29:43 Caller She doesn't know what I'm talking about.

29:46 Adam No, I know. Drew, sweetie, hold on. I should speak fluent time. Okay, go ahead. Sophia, this is Adam speaking, sweetie. Hi. Hi, sweetie. Big Bad Drew, this Big Bad college degree has gone out to freshen up his coffee. So it's just me and you, right? All right. What Drew was asking in his computer talk, his crazy master cylinder talk is, you think you made a wee-wee during the Big O, and what Drew was asking is maybe it was an actual orgasmic fluid coming out of you. Maybe it wasn't urine.

30:27 Caller It smelled like it.

30:28 Adam It smelled like it?

30:29 Caller Uh-huh.

30:30 Adam All right. That's good. And most things that, does everything that comes out of that area smell like whiz?

30:37 Caller No.

30:38 Drew No. Not exactly.

30:39 Adam So you checked it out and you figured out definitively it was urine?

30:44 It was.

30:45 Adam Okay. And this happened two times?

30:48 Caller Two times. Well, I mean, two different guys, but more than one time.

30:54 Drew So is it every time you have an orgasm with intercourse you get this?

30:57 Caller With this one, with the first, no, with the second guy, yeah. All right.

31:01 Well, it's okay.

31:03 Caller One of them has a small penis and the other one has a big penis. And one of the big penises, it happens all the time. But one of the small penises, it happens once in a while.

31:10 Adam Wow.

31:11 Drew Finish in school, where'd you say?

31:12 Adam Really? Geneva, I believe.

31:14 Drew Okay.

31:15 Adam Hey, Sophia.

31:16 Caller Huh?

31:17 Adam Well, she has a Sophia, which is a sort of hoity-toity name, but then she's calling from Fresno.

31:23 Oh, yeah. Oof.

31:25 Caller I don't know why people know me.

31:27 Adam Quite a, and smoking a little weed, too, I might add. Stoner laugh. Yes?

31:33 Caller Sometimes not a lot.

31:34 Adam Okay. And quite a variety of penis you're ingesting.

31:39 Caller No, no, that's not it. It's just one guy that he's always there, and there's another guy, or there's other guys.

31:46 Adam The guy with the big...

31:47 Drew Are you really 18?

31:50 Caller Yes.

31:50 Drew You sound 15.

31:50 Adam Which guy's flighty, the guy with the big penis?

31:53 Caller We mean flighty.

31:54 Adam Well, one guy's always there and the other guy's not.

31:57 Caller The small penis is always the there guy.

32:00 Drew Yeah. Perfect.

32:01 Adam Yeah.

32:01 Drew Of course. Melissa, how dare you?

32:03 Adam Yeah. Always like, leave it to our callers to flip anything. Like, which guy's flighty? Which guy's not there, the guy with the big penis? No, the guy with the small penis is the one who's always there.

32:18 Drew Yeah. It's another opportunity to say no. You got to start every answer with no, Adam. Come on.

32:22 Adam Which proves my theory. You have a big dork, you must ramble. Yeah, that's a good song. Rambling schlong. Yeah, you got to ramble. You have a small penis, you don't ramble. Right. It's almost zero rambling. Ironically, easier to ramble. Just not so much in the pants. Let's face it. You get right on that Harley, you get on that horse. Small penis is really meant, actually, strangely enough, vagina meant for rambling in terms of in terms of ease of movement.

32:53 Drew Efficiency of, yes, yes, yes.

32:54 Adam Yeah.

32:54 Drew Packing ease.

32:55 Adam Packing ease. Not only do you, you can actually take things in it.

33:00 Drew Aerodynamic, yes.

33:01 Adam Yeah, I mean, that's, yeah.

33:03 Drew Yeah.

33:04 Adam Yeah, no. That's a fanny pack.

33:06 Drew It's a purse, yeah.

33:06 Adam Yeah, yeah. But the thing about rambling is guys with a big penis have to ramble, guys with small penis they gotta lay down stakes, wherever they are. Yeah. You know what I mean?

33:18 Drew But it's not wherever they lay their hat is their home. They're just gotta sit up at home.

33:22 Adam Yeah, they're just staying at home. Yeah. I wonder if there's a big penis, small penis thing. I mean, I mean, you know.

33:31 Drew With the orgasmic incontinence or with the rambling?

33:34 Adam No. Well, with the rambling. Okay, let's look at it this way. So much of a guy's sort of worth or whatever is attached to his genitalia.

33:43 Drew Well, we're doing, these guys are doing all these penis enlargements now. We ought to study them and see if they start rambling.

33:48 Adam I'm just saying if you took, let's say you take, you take penises five and under. Those guys much more apt to be married under the age of 23. You know what I mean?

34:00 Drew I don't know.

34:01 Adam I'm making this up. And then once you get above like eight, well, you're like, that's NBA stuff. You know what I mean? I mean, you're banging a different chick in every town you go to. Is there more cheating? I mean, think about it this way. If you have a really nice car, you're much more apt to take it out and show it to people more often. You know what I mean? If you have a world class penis, aren't you more apt to sort of share it? Here's what I'm saying. Guys with really good physiques, shirts off all the time. They're at the ballpark. I see guys at the airport with their shirts off. Shirts off. It's 63 degrees or at a funeral. Boom. Shirt off. They can't go outdoors without the shirt coming off.

34:46 Drew Hatch open.

34:47 Adam If you think about it, how uncomfortable are you at a ballgame in a T-shirt? No, that's too confining. I got to get the shirt off. I'm sitting here. I'm eating a corn dog. I can't do it with this Hanes extra large on. Shirts got to come off. Shirts, it's way too hot. It's into the 70s. Shirts are always off.

35:06 Drew Right.

35:06 Adam So, maybe the shirt off thing, which is a guy thing, maybe there's underpants off if you have a big penis.

35:14 Drew Maybe.

35:15 Adam Maybe that's a reason to marry a guy if you're a woman with a little less endowed.

35:23 Drew Oh, so they don't ramble.

35:24 Adam Not rambling.

35:25 Drew Good point.

35:26 Adam Cannot ramble with that thimble you have in your underpants. No rambling.

35:31 Drew Pinky penile.

35:32 Adam Yeah. You could ramble. You could try rambling, but they laugh at you and you have to ramble home.

35:36 Drew Yeah.

35:37 Adam With what's left your penis between your legs.

35:39 Drew Yeah.

35:39 Adam Which ironically can't even put between your legs.

35:41 Drew But ironically, it's easier.

35:43 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rambling. Big penis and rambling, man. Dax?

35:49 Hey Adam.

35:50 Adam You're 17. Thanks. What's up?

35:53 Caller I'm curious if the new medication that I'm on for sleep is going to affect my sex life. If you're wondering why I have a weird voice, it's because I have a really bad cold right now.

36:02 Adam All right.

36:02 Drew First thing on our mind. What's the medication?

36:04 Adam Well, I was. She has a weird voice. Go ahead.

36:07 Caller Amitriptyline.

36:09 Drew Amitriptyline? Nah, it shouldn't. It shouldn't. That's an old-fashioned medicine. What are they? It's a weird one. Yeah. But if they're going to sleep medicine, now they ought to use Seroquel or Trazodone. Those are the two we really use for sleep these days.

36:22 Adam You should give me some of that.

36:23 Drew Yeah. You like the harder course stuff.

36:25 Adam Oh, that's not it. Yes.

36:27 Drew Serozone is one that I use most often with people having real serious sleep problems.

36:32 Caller I don't know why.

36:33 Drew I'll put you apart. I said Serozone, Seroquel.

36:36 Caller It's in a very low dosage. I think it's like 10 milligram.

36:39 Drew That's tiny. But still, amitriptyline is an old-fashioned sleep medicine. That's been passed up a long time ago.

36:45 Adam Is it no good?

36:46 Drew It's okay. You can try it, but there are better things out there.

36:48 Adam Maybe they're just trying to clear out the stock right.

36:50 Drew I think it's the cheaper medicine being tried first.

36:52 Adam Yeah.

36:53 Drew She's in Canada.

36:54 Adam Oh, you're in Canada? Yeah. In Canada, they have health care for all of their citizens. Okay?

37:01 Caller Don't get me started on our health care.

37:03 Drew But the problem is they use the medicines that are worth pennies.

37:06 Adam Yeah, of course. I'm just tired of these bleeding-hard blowhards in this country. It was used in Canada as some sort of shining example of government. Of course it's not.

37:14 Caller It's really not, and anybody who says it is should go die.

37:17 Caller But in Canada, but, but, but, but, but, but, shut up.

37:21 Adam Just move to that place, you idiots, and stop talking about it then. Move to your beloved fill in the blank. In Europe, they take care of their go, then move, Jack Hole. Quit whining about it. Sorry, I'm yelling at my own family.

37:35 Caller I love your track for original On The Fly comedy.

37:39 Adam Thank you. I got some more coming because I was on the road.

37:42 Drew Been rambling.

37:43 Adam I've been rambling. Here's what I did. Speaking of sleep, I've been talking about this to people and just going insane along with my how come I got to bring up the classical station or the Babbling Brook station on the airplane so people can sleep. Speaking of sleep, this Cerakwill reminded me of it. Pillows in hotel rooms. You got your choice between jumbo and then super extra large.

38:13 Caller Yes.

38:14 Adam Nothing thin.

38:16 Caller No.

38:16 Adam People at their home, you usually have a couple extra large pillows on the bed for like watching TV or reading or something. But when you go to bed, you throw the big, the novelty size pillow off the bed, and you get a slightly, kind of a thinner pillow that you usually sleep on, especially if you sleep on your stomach. If you sleep on your stomach, you can't sleep on a pillow that's the height of a curb.

38:40 Drew You know what though, in the very high quality hotels, that curb height pillow compresses like a cloud.

38:47 Adam Yes.

38:48 Drew And every other hotel tries to fake you out that you're going to get that, and it said you get cardboard.

38:53 Adam Right. That's right. So yes, if you're staying in the four seasons in Milan, you get the one that has the goose down and that one compresses, in which case if you sleep on your face, you suffocate, but it's still, it's a sweet, sweet death. It's a sweet, sweet way to meet your maker. The other ones, and when I say the other ones, it's all of them, have jumbo and then super jumbo, and it's really, they're like Starbucks. They got the Grande, the Super Grande, and the Vente Super Grande. It's like it's big, bigger, and biggest. And if you say, look, I sleep on my stomach, and it's like I fell asleep on the street, my head's propped up on the curb. Yes, that's right.

39:29 Guest Do you make a thin one?

39:31 Adam And they're like, no. Yeah, you go to the room service of the maid's like, hey, do you have something that's communion wafer thick so I can fall the eff asleep? They're like, no, no, we got super jumbo one. And so you end up trying to mash it down, but it's too high. Everyone I speak to who sleeps on their stomach says the same thing. Yeah, they're too fat. I packed my own pillow.

39:52 Drew You did?

39:52 Adam I did.

39:53 Drew You I can't sleep. You have sunk to a new low.

39:56 Adam Do you sleep on your belly?

39:58 Drew Sometimes.

39:59 Adam Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah.

40:00 Drew I'm a little more versatile.

40:01 Adam David, Melissa, how do you guys sleep? On your back, on your belly?

40:07 Caller I don't sleep on my back or my side.

40:09 Adam Your belly or side?

40:09 Drew David's belly.

40:10 Guest I'm on my side.

40:12 Drew Would you ever stoop to the point of bringing your own pillow? Do you bring stuffed animals too?

40:17 Adam Wait a minute, J-Off, I have no choice but to pack my pillow because I sleep on my stomach and these goddamn pillows are as high as a Chevy fender and I'm propped up, I'm bent the wrong way.

40:32 Drew Does the pillow have a name?

40:34 Adam My pillow?

40:35 Drew Yeah.

40:36 Adam The one I sleep on, yes. It's known as-

40:38 Drew Mr. Humpy?

40:40 Adam Yeah, true. This is very fascinating for the listeners. He who pays nothing to drowning Sumatran, it dares to attack me and my pillow packing, unlike you and your fudge packing. But here's the point, the pillows are so big, I can't sleep on my stomach. My head is bent back in the other direction. Why not just put the big one and then put a small one or put a medium one on the bed? Everyone I talk to goes, Yeah, yeah, why don't they have that?

41:08 Drew You only get one by the way.

41:10 Adam You just need the one or just put it in the closet, in the hall, like let somebody go get it if they want to.

41:14 Drew They're going to have the crappy pillows.

41:16 Adam Yeah. I really think this is one of those, it looks better when you put the spread over it. Of course.

41:22 Drew They're just faking it out.

41:23 Guest Yes, of course.

41:24 Drew All right, we got to take a break.

41:26 Adam Weird pillow thing. Yeah, tough.

41:29 Guest Pack your pillow.

41:30 Drew Wow.

41:30 Adam I have to. They don't have it.

41:34 Drew Pack your medicine too.

41:35 Adam Sleeping? Oh, yeah. Are we talking about booze?

41:38 Drew Yeah.

41:39 Adam No. And by the way, two hotels, no minibar. Yeah. I had to make my own grain alcohol. I had to make alcohol rice that I fished out. Somebody actually took their room service thing and put it out there. It's teriyaki. I had to actually distilled it.

41:55 Drew Nice.

41:57 Adam Yeah, it was awesome. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. David and Melissa here. They gave $15,000 to the Tsunami Relief Fund. We'll be right back after this.

42:11 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

42:13 Caller Loveline will be right back.

42:38 Adam Hey, buddy, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Drew, David, Melissa Roos in here tonight. They gave $15,000 to the very important Tsunami Relief Fund. And therefore, they bought themselves the right to hang out with us for an evening. And we did eat dinner with them. And we'll also eat dinner with Tom Burbine when he comes in here from Cambridge or wherever the hell he's coming from.

43:07 Guest Adam, Drew, speaking of donating money, I want to float an idea, see what you guys think. The last presidential election, who knows how many, probably a couple of billion dollars was spent by the two main candidates going from city to city and they were probably chasing what, one-half, one percent of a vote. That really makes a difference.

43:31 Adam Yeah. Meanwhile, Bush is supposed to be on the clock.

43:34 Guest Oh, exactly.

43:35 Adam He hasn't been working as last.

43:36 Guest Is that a part-time job he has? How does he find time?

43:39 Adam Well, in between the whistle stops, he runs the country. Really, is there any gig where we could afford a guy to take a year off and go do some glad handing with some guys over at the Foster's factory, pretending like he likes people in hairnets?

43:54 Drew Yeah.

43:55 Adam Jesus Christ. Yeah, well, sorry, keep going.

43:57 Guest So we got a couple billion dollars that was spent, probably went to the advertisers on Madison Avenue, the gas companies, the Secret Service guys protecting him at every speech. Seems like a much better use of the money if we're going to spend it anyway. Why don't they, why doesn't the candidate every week say, I'm going to donate five million dollars to whatever charity he chooses? He could make a point by picking a charity that's really important to him. People would tune in hoping it's going to be their charity.

44:32 Adam Yeah, I know it all, you know, it's one of these things where you just bang your head against the wall saying, why don't they just do this? Why don't they just do this? What are we doing? And yet it just sort of continues like it has its own horrible momentum. I said at the beginning of the election, one of the guys ought to say, look, I'm not going to waste billions of dollars traveling around the country. I'm going to work on an orphanage in the middle of the country. I'll put these billions, it's going to take up a hundred acres. So I'll be here working on this and he'll be out campaigning. And he'd get great coverage.

45:08 Drew Here's what you do.

45:08 Adam And probably people will do it.

45:10 Drew You create a reality TV show, so you want to be the president. You get product placements to build the war chest for the campaign. And the money that you get from donations, that's what you give to the charities and the war chest you spend on your campaign.

45:24 Caller Yeah.

45:26 Caller Who wants to be the president?

45:27 Drew Who wants to be the president?

45:28 Adam That's heavy, dude. And I like the idea that somehow the UAW or GM making a huge contributions to the presidential election has nothing to do with them not raising the gas mileage standards the next year. Yeah. There's zero collection.

45:48 Drew Zero connection.

45:49 Adam Yeah. That's what big business does. They just give away money.

45:52 Drew For no purpose.

45:52 Adam For no purpose. Nothing in it for them. That's the essence of big business. It's handing away millions of dollars over one campaign to the next. They're expecting nothing in return. There's nothing flawed about that system. Nobody sees that. People bring it up every once in a while, but it's like, no, there'll be no problem there. I see no problem there. Doesn't seem to be any conflict of interest. I'm just tired of everyone with the vote and everything. Just let people go to libraries, read something about the candidate and vote based on what they've learned about it. I can't take the advertising anymore. The idea that the guy with more money is going to win oftentimes, especially in local elections, is that democracy? It really seems or maybe it's the ultimate democracy. Capitalism. It just seems like we should, it just seems like, yes, it's capitalism. It just seems like we ought to just do away with that. I know we ought to reform it. No, we ought to do the tax. We ought to do that flat tax thing. We ought to just do everything. This whole country-

46:49 Drew We ought to do things that make sense, but no, that's a slippery slope.

46:52 Adam Yes. Okay, here's what we need to do.

46:54 Drew You should take a break, too, but that's a slippery slope.

46:55 Adam Here's what we need to do. The whole country, we need to shake it like an Etch-A-Sketch. The founding fathers had a good idea 230 years ago, and now it's spun out of control a little bit. They didn't figure out for assault weapons, and they didn't figure out for billions of dollars being spent on campaigns, and the internet. All these things they didn't figure out. Let's just shake it and start with a fresh sheet of paper, yes? And then I'll be doing the drafting. I'll be the John Hancock.

47:27 Drew Jefferson. Just be the Jefferson.

47:28 Adam I'll be the Jefferson. Yeah, I'll be Jefferson.

47:32 Caller Wheezy!

47:34 Adam That one?

47:35 Drew Yeah, that's the one.

47:35 Adam Okay. All right. We'll take a-

47:37 Drew His wife just died recently.

47:39 Adam I don't want a sitcom has to do with running of the country, but I'll go along with you. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

47:47 Caller Here it is. Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

47:50 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

47:52 Caller Call the Dateline. Call the Dateline.

47:54 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:55 Caller 1-877-889-DATE. Love Line will be right back. So get your problems ready. Ready. This hour brought to you in part by Axe. Experience the Axe Effect.

48:36 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

48:37 Caller I'm Adam.

48:38 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Seth Green in Tomorrow Night. Dear, dear friend Seth Green. David Roos is here tonight, along with Melissa Roos. They both donated together, because they is a couple. $15,000 to the Tsunami Relief Fund, and thus...

48:59 Drew Listener Loveline.

49:00 Adam Thus, yes.

49:02 Guest But not a caller.

49:03 Drew Not a caller.

49:04 Adam Not a caller, but a listener, and they're here with us tonight, enjoying their payday.

49:09 Drew I got to read a little business here, speaking of payday. Loveline, next week we're giving away iPod shuffles. At the beginning of each show, listen for details, and we'll tell you what to do to win one.

49:17 Adam Yeah. Can't get those.

49:19 Drew I know.

49:19 Adam Cannot get those in the store. That's what I hear.

49:23 Drew And I have to reread a promo for it, because I said it's as big as a stick of gum, not a pack of gum.

49:28 Adam Yeah. I had to redo a thing. By the way, this is just what they had in mine. I'm sure. I had to redo one of the stupid commercials, because I said it holds 240 songs, and up to 240 songs. Oh, who cares?

49:45 Drew Well, you can't do the math to yourself.

49:47 Adam Yeah.

49:47 Drew If it's only 240, no less?

49:50 Adam Yeah. No, you have to do exactly two. Lawyers, and ad guys, and Madison Avenue guys, and commercial guys, I can't stand them anymore. I've had an ass full of every idiot in this country. At least, I like an idiot who's just wearing a wind-up beanie so I know where I stand. These guys with their $400 German frames and their stupid blazers claiming to be smart, and they're actually just as stupid as the guy at the gas station, that's the worst part. That's the obnoxious part. Please, would you people just find something to do? Would everybody find something to do? Would you get busy with something and leave me alone? Just get busy. Everybody get busy. Come on, break it down now. I don't know what it is with the A-hole neighbors that are ratting everybody out. I don't know what it is with the guy who is working the door, does that, I can't let you out of the theater, I can't let you back. I just got to shut the lights off on the car. I can't let you back. You can see the car, I can't let you back.

50:49 Caller Really?

50:51 Adam What is going on? Who has this kind of time? I used to teach traffic school. I've told this story before. When I taught traffic school, they were always like, it's like 460 minutes of actual instruction. They used to tell me, if the person shows up 10 minutes late to class, then they have to spend 10 minutes at lunch in order to make that 10 minutes up because they need 480 minutes of actual instruction time, whatever the hell it was. And if they show up 15 minutes late, then they have to stay in during the first break. And if they're 20 minutes late, you have to send them home because people would roll in two and a half hours late. Sit down. Well, I was, eh, eh, sit down, sit down. Let's just keep going. Where is that guy? Why isn't everyone that way? My thing was who cares? What do I care? Roll in five hours late. I don't care. What is that? Who is that? What can we do with these people? How can we get rid of them? Do you realize it's just 5% A-holes ruining it for everybody?

51:54 Drew The letter writers.

51:56 Adam Oh, I gotta write a letter. I gotta make sure this guy doesn't come back. Uh-oh, there's a party going on that I didn't get invited to. I must call the police and have, I'm gonna call, oh, I'm gonna get a restraining order in my neighbor because I don't like him and he's gonna get one on me first. I'm gonna do it to him first in a preemptive strike. What's going on with everybody? Why don't you idiots just mind your own goddamn beeswax? Just get along. I've never called the cops. I've never sued anybody. How did I make it to 40 without suing anyone or ever calling the cops? Can we all just do that? You just get busy and leave me alone. Thank you. Thank you very much. Drew?

52:36 Drew We'll leave you alone.

52:36 Adam All right.

52:38 Caller Melissa?

52:39 Adam David? Thoughts? You're gonna leave me alone? Leave you alone.

52:43 Caller All right.

52:45 Adam You know that guy? That guy won't let you out and come back. I just got to run out. I got to come back.

52:51 Caller It's the only power he has.

52:53 Adam I know it's the only power he has.

52:54 Caller Minimum wage. Minimum wage worker.

52:56 Adam Right.

52:57 Drew Yeah. How dare you? That's the only sense of purpose he has. You're stripping of that.

53:02 Adam No, I can't let you do that. No, I can't. Oh. You know, it was weird. I was at the airport in Charlotte today and I got pulled out of line. I got the weird random, which I seem to get. I'm not exaggerating. One every four times I go through the thing, I get yanked out of line, take the shoes off, take the belt off, put the hands out. Guys got to swab the bag down for traces of TNT and all that kind of stuff. And my problem is, is I had a brother doing it to me. And he was like, yeah, I know this is a waste of time. Yeah, I know. And I kept wanting to say, I know we got a profile. We got a profile. That's what we got to do. We got to start profiling because they don't have to pull every old lady. You know, I got Sandy Duncan behind me getting an anal probe. And it's like, yeah, we got to start profiling. But the guy was black. And I felt weird saying profile to the brother man.

53:56 Drew So you're racist, that's what you're saying.

53:58 Adam Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm a racist. Right. But what I'm saying is, is let's stop pulling Whitey out of the line and Blacky for that matter. Let's work on, you know, the dude who works at the gas station and give a little, let's do a little profiling, you know, so I can get on the plane. And I didn't want to say anything to him because, you know, I think profile is a bad word to those folks. But I kept wanting to, and I was like, yeah, we ought to just focus on certain people.

54:24 Drew We're doing it like this too?

54:25 Adam I was doing it, yeah. I was like, what up? Yeah, man. Yeah.

54:28 Drew You're doing it in rap?

54:29 Adam Yeah. And I gave him the hug. I gave him the weird handshake hug thing, you know. And then I went backside and I did that, you know, lo-fi thing.

54:37 Drew Yeah, nice.

54:37 Adam Yeah. Then I asked if he played basketball and if so, could he rap about it? You know, that's, that's what I asked when I went to see brothers. Amber?

54:47 Guest Yes.

54:47 Adam 23?

54:48 Guest Yes, I am.

54:50 Adam What's up?

54:51 Guest Okay. I'm the blind chick that you hung up on last Sunday of last week because I said I had a crush on Drew. I sincerely apologize for my faux pas.

55:03 Adam On shoes or on Drew?

55:06 Drew On me.

55:07 Adam Drew's only half Jew though.

55:09 Guest That's fine.

55:10 Adam Okay.

55:11 Drew And what's your question tonight?

55:12 Adam You know what? Half of him is Jewish. It's the half that didn't give the tsunami relief.

55:18 Guest What's the other half?

55:20 Adam Yeah. What's the other half?

55:22 Drew Cherokee.

55:22 Adam Yeah. That's what gives him his tenacity.

55:25 Drew No.

55:25 Adam Yeah. Hey, go ahead, Amber.

55:28 Guest Well.

55:29 Adam Oh, hold on. I didn't hang up on you last week.

55:32 Guest Yeah. Well, you put me in hold and then Brian took my information so he could give me the saw CD and then he hung up on me.

55:43 Adam All right. Well, and now you're you're blind.

55:45 Guest Yes, I am.

55:47 Adam And you're completely blind.

55:48 Guest Yes, I am. Due to a car accident, I was in 117.

55:52 Drew Yeah. Remember that.

55:54 Adam Yeah. The other.

55:56 Drew Somebody else died.

55:57 Adam One kid died. One person wasn't injured.

56:00 Guest No, two people weren't injured.

56:03 Adam Two people weren't injured. One person was. And you got the blind thing. Yeah. Throne clear.

56:07 Guest There were six people in the car. Four of us were not wearing seat belts. The two who were were fine. There were two minor injuries, two major injuries. One of us died.

56:17 Adam Yeah. That whole wear the seat belt thing always seems like a good plan. But then once in a while you hear that throne clear the wreckage and they make it. And you know, then it's a throne clear.

56:26 Drew Yeah. I like that.

56:27 Adam They should call it throne clear. They just call it ejected onto the asphalt. Throne clear. Throne clear acts like, you know, some big hand of God.

56:35 Drew Yeah.

56:36 Adam Move them over.

56:37 Drew It just means a cardinal roll over you. It's all right.

56:40 Adam All right. So go ahead, Amber.

56:41 Guest Well, I would like to know if you can catch a herpes C by having unprotected sex.

56:49 Drew Hepatitis C?

56:50 Guest I'm sorry. That's right. Hepatitis C. My bad.

56:52 Drew Yes, you can.

56:53 Guest I thought so. I just wanted to make sure.

56:55 Drew Now, there are those that would dispute that, but I am totally convinced that you can. I've seen cases where there is really no other option. It's a virus very similar to HIV. It makes perfect sense. It would be transmitted that way. Most doctors would agree that it is. I think certainly for safety sake, you want to assume that it is.

57:13 Guest Yes, I agree. And can you also catch it by oral sex as well?

57:18 Drew Just think in terms of HIV, AIDS virus. Okay. That's certainly a possibility, but much less likely.

57:23 Guest Okay.

57:25 Adam What do you got going, Amber?

57:27 Drew What are you planning? And by the way, somebody that has hepatitis C is obviously also at risk for AIDS and hepatitis B. You better make sure you get your hepatitis B vaccine before you're with somebody like that.

57:36 Guest Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've already gotten all that, but I'm not positive.

57:41 Adam Why don't you find a nice guy who's not Karen the Hap or the Hiv?

57:45 Guest Well, see, I'm pretty isolated because of my injuries in the accident. My feet were affected as well. I don't know how. I don't know why they didn't even hit the pavement. My head did, but I went to a podiatrist and he said something about the soft tissue being damaged. And the only way to affect that is to get some kind of shoe inserts, but there's no way to completely get rid of it.

58:17 Adam Well, wait a second. Do you get around now okay?

58:20 Guest Yeah, I get around fine, but I can't stand on my feet for more than 20 minutes to a half an hour before they just go into excruciating pain.

58:30 Drew So you'll plantar fasciitis?

58:33 Guest Mm-hmm.

58:35 Adam Okay, well, so, and you're blind?

58:37 Guest Yes.

58:38 Caller And because of this, you can only go out with guys who have...

58:41 Drew IV drug problems?

58:43 Guest No, my father was an alcoholic, and that's why I'm attracted to people of this nature.

58:51 Drew Well said, Amber.

58:52 Guest But thankfully, I don't go out with alcoholics. I'm a little bit more healthier than that, where I only go out with people...

59:01 Drew Heroinite. Heroinite junkies, yeah...

59:03 Guest .that are in some kind of recovery.

59:05 Drew Oh, good for you. All right. Fair enough.

59:08 Guest I'm not that bad.

59:10 Drew You notice how pleased we are when people just spell out their pathology?

59:14 Adam Yeah, it's refreshing.

59:15 Drew Yeah, we're like, my dad was an alcoholic, so I'm attracted to alcoholics. Oh, really? Oh, cheers. Cheers, mate.

59:19 Adam There you go.

59:20 Drew So anyway...

59:20 Adam Mazel Tov. Hey, Amber. Now, how do you know if you're attracted to a guy? Can you do that thing where you run your hand on his face?

59:31 Guest No, that's just a silly myth. That's just... Looks, physical looks mean absolutely nothing to me. I mean, I don't even remember what I look like.

59:42 Drew What you look like.

59:42 Adam No, you don't.

59:43 Guest No, I, no, I, I, there is no picture of my face in my memory. It's just completely gone. It is very, I get a vague image of people who are close to me, like in my family, but that's distinct.

59:58 Drew So it's more how somebody makes you feel.

1:00:01 Guest Not only that, but I'm attracted to the voice.

1:00:05 Drew Interesting.

1:00:06 Guest Yeah. They have an attractive voice. That's what I like.

1:00:09 Adam But is it just the attractive tone or is it their-

1:00:14 Drew Quality and the quality.

1:00:17 Guest Well, it's a little bit of both. I'm attracted to people who are obviously intelligent. Like myself, I can't deal with the dummies of the world. I was dating this one guy whose voice is very attractive to me, but he was just stupid. I'm going like, no, this ain't going to work. So sorry. Apparently, well, this is his word. Who knows if that's actually true or not. He said he was very attractive and girls are attracted to him all the time, whatever that means.

1:00:46 Drew I love that guy.

1:00:47 Adam Yeah. You know what I would do? I would, if we dated, what I would do is I would, I would set up situations where I would be modest. I would play it like modest.

1:00:58 Drew And then run into people.

1:00:59 Adam Yeah. No, and I would because blind people have super hearing. So I'd set up things for like, yeah, let's go to the mall and it'd be like, you know, she'd say, what do you look like? And I'm like, yeah, you know, my mom thinks I'm cute, but I don't know. I did all right. But I would play it off. But I would always add just a little provocative colonel, you know, just a little something for them to think about. Leave the door open just a little bit.

1:01:26 Drew Then at the mall.

1:01:26 Adam You get one of those things, you're like, are you attractive? I don't think of it. I haven't got any complaints. You know, just a little something. Then at the mall, I would work it out where I'd set shills up.

1:01:36 Drew You'd pay your sister's friends.

1:01:37 Adam Pay my sister's friends, right. And then we'd pass by them and I'd just make sure they were like, did you check out his ass? Oh my God. What's that stick pusher doing with that piece of ass? I don't know what they're called these days. But you know what I'm saying?

1:01:55 Drew Visually challenged.

1:01:56 Adam Yeah. Every once in a while, we'd just hear, like swooning, hearing them collapse. You fainted. Get some water. Yeah. Be like that kind of thing. Yeah. And then that would be perfect because then they wouldn't ask. They would just know. That would be awesome. I'm going to do that. Write that down.

1:02:15 Drew I thought my sons when they were like eight making plans for how cool they could create a little fantasy world for themselves.

1:02:20 Adam Just write that down, wouldn't you?

1:02:21 Drew And we'll have dinosaurs and it'll be so cool.

1:02:24 Adam I didn't say dinosaurs yet. Not yet. But if I was with a blind woman, I would convince her that I owned a dinosaur.

1:02:32 Drew Sure. Why not? Where would you stop with all this?

1:02:35 Adam Just keep going.

1:02:36 Guest Being blind is never a good thing for anyone, but it'd be terribly tough for the man because we're so visual. I would think I would still need someone to describe to me what the girl looks like and do you think she's cute?

1:02:50 Drew You wouldn't really care about that they thought so, but they'd have to describe somebody amazing to you.

1:02:56 Adam No, no. You would care that they thought so.

1:02:58 Drew But it's not like a woman who the acid test is, do you think he's hot? It's more that, tell me how attractive she is.

1:03:06 Adam But I sort of disagree because I feel like if you're blind in a way you've almost pulled yourself out of the race and now you're just walking around with someone who you hope is attractive to America as you stroll down the lane. You know what I'm saying? I mean just bear with me. In a way I think it would be almost a relief because it's almost like too much as a guy. It's overwhelming, you're constantly looking and comparing and thinking, look at her, look at her, look at her. I mean it's almost, it's a distraction. It's a sort of a mild curse to say the least. So if you're blind, all of a sudden you're completely out of that life and you're sort of at peace to compose or do whatever the hell, drive, whatever your passion is. The point is, at this point you'd have to pick a chick that was like everyone thought was attractive, so everyone wasn't going, what the hell happened here? You know what I mean?

1:04:06 Guest I'd still want all my friends to lie to me and tell me she's gorgeous.

1:04:09 Drew That's the point.

1:04:09 Adam Yeah, yeah, I would too. And then if she was like ugly, people think she's taking advantage of you. Good.

1:04:17 Drew Sympathy.

1:04:18 Adam Oh really? From who though?

1:04:20 Guest Well, she's rich.

1:04:21 Adam Crystal.

1:04:22 Hi.

1:04:23 Adam You're 15? What's up?

1:04:26 Caller Well, my teacher told me that women are created to give birth on all fours, and I don't know if that was true or not.

1:04:35 Drew How many babies has your teacher delivered?

1:04:37 Caller None.

1:04:38 Drew Yeah. You gotta consider the source a little bit.

1:04:41 Adam When do you go to one of those hippie schools?

1:04:43 Caller Yeah, I go to an alternative school in Seattle.

1:04:46 Drew And what is she basing her theory on?

1:04:49 Caller I don't know.

1:04:50 Adam Whalers. Huh?

1:04:52 Drew Yeah. There are birthing chairs. There are people that say you should be more upright when you deliver.

1:04:57 Adam And then they have the ones in the tub and stuff.

1:05:00 Drew Yeah, there's different ways to do it, but pretty clearly sort of more an upright partially seated position is about the best way to go.

1:05:08 Adam Now hold on a second.

1:05:09 Drew And by the way, I'll remind you that one out of five women would die in childbirth through human history. So however we're configured, it was not a perfect plan.

1:05:18 Adam Alternative school, huh?

1:05:20 Caller Yeah.

1:05:21 Adam Well, what went horribly wrong in your life?

1:05:24 Caller Nothing. I just chose to go there.

1:05:26 Drew No.

1:05:27 Adam Yeah. Well, all right, hold on. Let me explain alternative school again. Speaking of euphemisms, it's really just a loser hippie dropout school, which is-

1:05:38 Drew Isn't you choose to go there as opposed to going to some sort of juvenile hall?

1:05:41 Adam No. Well, it's really as opposed to nothing. But it's like, if you give the kid a choice, it's like, look, you want to call your teacher, Mr. So-and-so, or you want to call him Stan?

1:05:52 Drew I see.

1:05:52 Adam You want to be able to smoke on campus, or do you want to have to walk all the way down to the Circle K?

1:05:57 Drew I see.

1:05:58 Adam What time you want to show up? 10-ish? Cool. Alternative school, that's your place. That's for you. It's just warehousing for hippies.

1:06:07 Drew We need an alternative country. Yeah. Alternative land.

1:06:10 Adam Yeah, it's awesome. Nobody ever studies, there's no homework, you show up when you want, you leave at noon, you call a teacher by first name, you blow a butt, and then it's off to the head shop. Yeah, it's awesome. It's a great life. It's really, it's like, we don't want to challenge ourselves or these kids to actually do anything, but we don't want to say they're dropouts. So, they can just go to alternative school, we'll just kind of warehouse them with like-minded idiots, and they can learn how to make a bong for three years, and then we'll unleash them on an innocent world. Crystal? Am I about right with that?

1:06:44 Caller Yeah, but I'm not one of them. I'm actually an A student and I have like a 3.6 GPA, and I'm actually in advanced classes.

1:06:56 Adam How do you go to alternative school and go to college from there?

1:06:58 Drew Oh, I heard something. I heard a smoke detector. Okay, Crystal.

1:07:02 Adam Wait, what about college?

1:07:03 Caller I'm not planning to go there.

1:07:05 Drew Why?

1:07:06 Caller Because I just don't want to.

1:07:08 Drew Too smart.

1:07:09 Adam Yeah. See, it always comes full circles. I'm actually an A student. I'm on Dean's List.

1:07:14 Caller I got 3.8.

1:07:15 Adam All that stuff and what about college? I'm not gonna.

1:07:17 Drew Yeah, not for that.

1:07:18 Adam All right, now hold on.

1:07:19 Drew That's for losers.

1:07:20 Caller I was gonna go to grade school.

1:07:21 Adam Smart. I like you better now. Head toward the smoke detector and don't talk.

1:07:27 Drew You see it?

1:07:30 Caller Yeah, it's coming.

1:07:32 Drew Go towards it.

1:07:33 Caller You think my smoke detector is beeping?

1:07:36 Drew Yes.

1:07:37 Caller No, it's my clock.

1:07:38 Adam Oh, man.

1:07:40 Caller I have the non-digital one and yeah.

1:07:42 Adam Yeah, it's would have gone by now. All right, so what do you do in alternative school?

1:07:49 Drew By the way, I think we've had the country reload their batteries in the smoke detector.

1:07:53 Adam Yeah, they're not going off anymore. Hey, Crystal, how many kids are in your class?

1:08:00 Caller It depends on which class.

1:08:02 Adam Well, I mean in your 10th grade, your 9th grade alternative school class.

1:08:09 Caller No, there's no classes like that. We have regular classes. Because language arts, math. Yeah, right.

1:08:15 Drew In your grade.

1:08:16 Adam In your grade. How many kids are in your grade?

1:08:18 Caller It's a mixed grade, and there's like seven 9th graders.

1:08:22 Drew Seven?

1:08:23 Caller Yeah. Because we're all mixed, 10th, 11th, 12th.

1:08:26 Drew I didn't realize alternative schools were like tiny.

1:08:30 Adam It's not a school, it's a corral.

1:08:31 Drew Wow.

1:08:32 Adam It's a pen. That's where they just keep kids. They slop them every couple of hours. It's just a pen where you smoke for a while, and then you get out and you get a job at a video store.

1:08:43 Drew Wow.

1:08:43 Adam That's all it is. My sister went to Amelia Earhart over here at North Hollywood High. They rope off a little corner of the high school, and you blow butts and complain about the man for a few hours, and then you head out again.

1:08:57 Drew Wow.

1:08:58 Adam It's school you can handle for people who can't handle school. See, it's like, look, we'll bring the mountain to Mohammed.

1:09:06 Drew Not being able to handle school means not being able to handle work.

1:09:10 Adam Yeah. Well, how much school can you handle a day? Six hours? Please. How about two hours with a butt break in the middle? How many days a week? Yeah, that's basically what it is. And then they just curtail it so it fits your lazy lifestyle. Crystal? All right. So what do you want to learn? What trade do you want to learn?

1:09:31 Caller I'm actually going to become a nurse.

1:09:34 Adam Oh, good. Yeah, it's too bad. You just can't get going on that now.

1:09:37 Caller Yeah, they actually have a program called Running Start, where they start you off as an intern, with an internship, and then you end up working at that place.

1:09:46 Adam Oh, good. All right.

1:09:47 Caller Good.

1:09:47 Adam That's what you got to do then. Getting a nursing. By the way, nursing, not a bad gig. I mean, a horrible gig, but good bread, right?

1:09:56 Drew Yeah, not bad.

1:09:57 Adam I mean, I hear people making 100 grand a year doing nursing.

1:10:00 Drew Wow.

1:10:01 Adam Yeah.

1:10:01 Drew That's amazing.

1:10:02 Adam No, I do. They're in demand, evidently. I mean, you could do worse, right?

1:10:08 Drew Yeah, you could be a doctor.

1:10:09 Adam You could be a doctor. Yeah.

1:10:11 Drew Like significantly less.

1:10:12 Adam Yeah. As a doctor, you will have to learn to work in a nurse's world. You'll go to school for a few years, do a little this and that, next thing you know, pow, making your own schedule.

1:10:25 Drew Crazy.

1:10:25 Adam Wearing those funky beige shoes with no laces. That's the weirdest thing about the nurse shoe. So creepy. With a white wedge, short of sole, but it's not flat, but it's not a wedge.

1:10:38 Drew It's a white earth shoe.

1:10:39 Adam It's earthy and it's white. Remember the earth shoe? Yeah, yeah. Horrible. What is it with nursing shoes? Couldn't wear some high tops? You gotta wear the creepiest shoe ever. It's sort of half grandma, half orthopedic shoe.

1:10:53 Drew It looks orthopedic, yeah. It looks like you painted it with a white shoe polish. You know, the mess up with the sponge on the tip of the shoe polish, the white.

1:11:00 Adam Yeah, there's something unnerving about it. What is that, Drew? I gotta design some nice nursing shoes.

1:11:08 Drew Yeah, another genius idea.

1:11:10 Adam Yeah, I'm gonna make a move. You know what, when I get home tonight, This is it? Yeah, I hit the drawing board.

1:11:16 Drew Stick it out of the internet and see what you got.

1:11:17 Adam Well, you know, I was at a bowling alley in North Carolina yesterday and I realized that during league night, they actually make decent bowling shoes now.

1:11:26 Drew Yeah.

1:11:26 Adam They look like shoes.

1:11:27 Drew Right.

1:11:27 Adam You know, for years, that weird sort of looked like the Partridge Family bus.

1:11:30 Drew Right.

1:11:31 Adam It looks like you stepped into a Partridge bus.

1:11:33 Drew Right.

1:11:34 Adam Some sort of weird novelty shoe.

1:11:36 Drew Clown shoe. Yeah. Yeah.

1:11:37 Adam Clown shoe. And now they make just decent. It took them 50 years, but someone eventually said, why humiliate people just because they like the ball makes up decent. They got to do that for nursing shoes.

1:11:48 Drew There you go.

1:11:49 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Everyone had their own stuff. When I was a kid, I grew up like, if you had your own ball, you're on the tour.

1:11:57 Drew Yeah, of course.

1:11:57 Adam There's no way. Or it was bequeathed to you from some rich uncle that was on the tour. But nobody owned their own bowling ball who just did it on weekends. It's crazy. Is stuff cheaper now or is it just my loser family?

1:12:13 Drew I think people have more stuff.

1:12:15 Adam Yeah, they have stuff.

1:12:16 Caller Yeah.

1:12:17 Adam Like if you bowl now, you got your own bowling shoes.

1:12:19 Caller Yeah.

1:12:22 Adam If you ride dirt bikes, you don't wear jeans and a football helmet, you just have some leathers and a motorcycle helmet.

1:12:28 Drew Right.

1:12:28 Adam Like you have the stuff, the people have the uniform.

1:12:31 Drew I remember when buying ski stuff was a big deal. Oh, yeah. You couldn't do it. You couldn't go skiing because you couldn't afford the equipment or afford the clothes.

1:12:40 Adam Yeah.

1:12:40 Drew Now people are like, oh yeah.

1:12:43 Adam But you did it, right?

1:12:44 Drew Skiing?

1:12:45 Adam Yeah.

1:12:45 Drew Oh, barely. I mean barely.

1:12:47 Adam Well, you won. How many times would you win?

1:12:49 Drew When I was a kid?

1:12:50 Adam Well, but before 18. Let's say before.

1:12:52 Drew Before 18? Twice.

1:12:53 Adam Twice. And then before and then after that. Yeah, quit whining. Five times. Quit whining.

1:12:59 Drew But I won one set of skis the entire time. Seven years.

1:13:02 Adam You own your skis though.

1:13:03 Drew You can't.

1:13:04 Adam Yeah, no. Now everyone just goes out and buys everything.

1:13:06 Drew Every year they're buying stuff.

1:13:08 Adam Oh really? Oh, crazy stuff. You own a set of skis and bindings and boots and everything? All right, all right. Cry me a river.

1:13:15 Drew But at the point it was a big deal.

1:13:16 Adam I had a football with no threads. It was like Charlie Brown. All right, with nappy hair. Let's take a little break, Drew. I'm tired of your whining. David and Melissa here. David and Melissa both got together and put up 15 grand toward our wonderful Tsunami Relief Fund doing the Lord's work. We'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:13:42 Caller Loveline. Okay.

1:13:43 Caller Wait.

1:13:45 Caller My hair.

1:13:45 Guest My hair. We'll be right back.

1:13:48 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Playboy. It Girl, Bad Girl, Sexy Girl. Paris Hilton is it, front and center in the March Playboy. Featuring the 25 sexiest celebrities, our annual music poll, and Debbie Gibson, all grown up. Playboy on Newsstands now.

1:14:03 Drew Hey, Dr. Drew here from Loveline. And I got to tell you, this is something I'm rather excited about. You've heard me talk about this before, but this iPod shuffle thing is something I'm actually excited about. It's a little piece of equipment, this little thing that's smaller than a pack of gum, and it starts at only $99 and can hold up to 240 songs. 12-hour battery life. I don't want to sound to gush too much about this, but it kind of changed your life. If you travel a lot, like Adam and me, this is a godsend to be able just to zone out, to go to iTunes, collect songs that are sort of exactly what you want to be hearing while you're traveling, just put the earphones in and just forget about everything. It shuffles the songs for you, and the only problem I have with the iPod is I don't get to keep my iPod. Every time I bring an iPod home, either my kid steals it or my wife steals it. Last note to me was, I'll take care of this. I'll set it up for you. I've not seen it since. So to the extent that I have used it, it's been a wonderful thing, but I may need one every few weeks because God knows I'll start handing them out to their friends. Check it out. It's really something.

1:15:16 Adam Yeah, Loveline, everybody. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. David and Melissa, both here tonight representing. They went ahead and won our little auction for the Tsunami Relief we had a couple weeks back. And for that, they've earned the right to come hang out with us in studio tonight. Seth Green will be in here. Dear, dear friend and sweetheart of a guy who I see every time I go over and see the Seth McFarlane over at Family Guy. Seth Green is over there.

1:15:52 Drew No, no kidding.

1:15:53 Adam Always friendlies can be. So he is going to come in here tomorrow night. All right, I'm going to speak to Joe. Who do I speak to?

1:16:01 Drew Joe.

1:16:02 Adam Joe?

1:16:03 Guest How are you?

1:16:04 Adam Joe, you're 22.

1:16:06 Guest That's right. I had a question for Dr. Drew. I had heard about the new strains of HIV, AIDS going around in, I think, New York. And someone who sometimes participates with anonymous sex partners receiving oral sex from gay men in video stores.

1:16:30 Drew Video stores?

1:16:33 Guest Yeah, it's a weird...

1:16:34 Adam Oh, yeah. Both, yeah.

1:16:36 Drew That's what that's become now?

1:16:37 Guest Yeah, you guys are familiar with that, Adam. I mean, maybe not firsthand, but you probably heard of that before.

1:16:44 Adam Well, I mean, hold on a second. Imagine if you took straight guys and straight chicks, and you put them... I mean, and the chicks had the minds of men, and you brought them to an arcade where they watch pornography and just put them back to back.

1:17:04 Drew Oh, my God.

1:17:04 Adam There's a little thin curtain, a little Kodak photo booth separating you two, and you both have my brain or the brain of Drew, the passionate, passionate, passionate. It's just a game on, right? Just getting it on, right?

1:17:18 Drew Yes. That's why the world will unravel.

1:17:20 Adam Right. You have to put a floor drain in and just put a hose there, but just like, you can't even mop that up.

1:17:25 Drew And they need some IVs and stuff.

1:17:27 Adam You guys sit down on fluids. You guys collapse. Yeah. You'd be cleaning up like they clean the monkey cage. Yeah. Now, this is what you got to game in, everybody. You got Drew in charge of seeing if he's going to F Drew. You understand? Imagine that. Game on.

1:17:49 Drew Disgusting.

1:17:50 Adam Yeah. We don't even need to flip the coin. Everyone's kicking off and receiving.

1:17:54 Drew Nice.

1:17:54 Adam Yeah. All right. We're talking to Joe.

1:17:56 Guest Yeah.

1:17:57 Adam All right, Joe. Now, is it a gay video store?

1:18:02 Guest Yeah. I'm going to say. Safe to say that, yeah.

1:18:06 Adam And you go there.

1:18:07 Drew Are you gay?

1:18:08 Guest See, that's the thing. I was even going to ask you that. By your own definition, I would guess yes.

1:18:14 Drew No, no. There is a new category called men who have sex with men and is not gay. Yeah, that was amazing. Non-gay men who have sex with men.

1:18:25 Adam No.

1:18:26 Drew Yes, that is the category.

1:18:27 Guest Do they have sex with women also?

1:18:29 Drew They also have sex with women and they are not sort of adopting a whole gay lifestyle or relationships that are gay. They just have sex with men once in a while.

1:18:37 Guest I would never watch TV and say, oh wow, what a hot guy. I mean, I'm way under girls, but like you guys were talking about a minute ago, it's a place where you can go and inside of five minutes get a beanie.

1:18:50 Drew See, just the men are more convenient, more competent.

1:18:54 Adam Well, what are you, in prison? You like a pepion over here? You should find yourself a chick.

1:19:01 Guest That's some good advice, Adam. But anyway, my question was about-

1:19:05 Adam Wait a minute. I want to know how it works. You go to the video plays. Every guy in the back who's feeding tokens into the arcade thing. And by the way, you got to know something's up. All these guys have VCRs at home. Why the hell you got to hit the road to go see a porn film? But anyone back there is good to go, right?

1:19:29 Drew Yeah.

1:19:30 Guest It's disgusting out of it.

1:19:31 Drew Yeah.

1:19:31 Guest And you kind of stand around and maybe you make some eye contact, signal with that eyebrow maybe. Hey, you want to go?

1:19:40 Adam Hey, well, whatever. And how do you know who is given and who is getting?

1:19:46 Guest See, that's the thing. I think, at least with me, I'm an average looking person. I walk in there. If I see someone, you kind of just figure out after a while someone who is there to give and someone who is there to get and someone who is there to get. I'm just looking for someone who has that look, like the more effeminate, more creepy kind of look a lot of times.

1:20:10 Adam Well, I thought you're looking to receive.

1:20:13 Guest That's right.

1:20:14 Drew That's what he means, I think.

1:20:15 Guest Yeah. Oh. I did.

1:20:17 Adam Okay.

1:20:17 Guest Received. Sorry.

1:20:19 Adam All right. That's nice.

1:20:23 Drew Do you ever go beyond oral sex in these institutions?

1:20:26 Guest I have before, but that's with a condom.

1:20:28 Drew With a condom. That's you draw the line.

1:20:30 Adam Right. What do you do? Do you step into his booth? Yeah.

1:20:34 Drew It's a re-eufemism or something, right?

1:20:36 Caller Yeah.

1:20:38 Adam Okay.

1:20:39 Guest Yeah. There's a booth. You walk in there. It's got a transparent door. You don't lock the door. You leave it unlocked and the person follows you in. Put in the buck and you go to town.

1:20:56 Adam Yeah. Do they have rolls of paper towels or anything?

1:21:00 Guest Actually, I just discovered this. They do have a bathroom in there.

1:21:05 Adam A what?

1:21:06 Guest A bathroom. Before I go to the back section, I go to the bathroom, get some towels, put them in my pocket and then head back to the back.

1:21:16 Drew Yeah.

1:21:17 Adam It's awesome.

1:21:17 Guest Very dignified. Yeah.

1:21:19 Drew Yeah. Indeed.

1:21:21 Caller It's like a great time.

1:21:23 Guest I went to that finishing school you're always talking about.

1:21:25 Drew Yes. Indeed.

1:21:26 Adam Let me tell you something. As far as the floor goes there, you know, peanut shells or sawdust, too good. I'd have gravel down. I wouldn't even have a floor. Oh, yeah.

1:21:35 Drew Just a sieve.

1:21:36 Adam No, you'd just be outdoors.

1:21:38 Drew Yeah.

1:21:38 Caller It'd just be dirt.

1:21:40 Adam Yeah. It'd be like you're at the circus.

1:21:42 Caller It's like cheese grater, you know?

1:21:44 Adam Yes. Everything falls through.

1:21:46 Drew Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like a bird cage. Yeah. Right. Yes. Bird cage.

1:21:50 Adam But where is it lying?

1:21:51 Drew In a big sort of funnel. A funnel that just takes it outside. You've hosed that down. Aluminum funnel.

1:21:59 Adam Eight stories.

1:22:00 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:22:01 Adam All right.

1:22:02 Drew Just so it doesn't fill up. Oh, you lost him.

1:22:04 Adam I just put him on hold.

1:22:06 Drew Joe's there.

1:22:07 Adam Okay. All right. All right, Joe. Right. So what about the new aids? I haven't heard about them.

1:22:14 Drew There is not a new aids. As usual, the press is making headlines out of the mundane, which is that any infecting agents will eventually become resistant to our treatments. People are worried about methicillin-resistant staph aureus. We're worried about resistant gonorrhea. As you use an antibiotic or an antiviral agent long enough, the organisms will figure out how to alternate genetic machinery in such a way as to get around these things. That's what we got going now, that the HIV is some of them, which we've been anticipating. It's just that it just suddenly occurred for the first time in an urban center, are resistant to our usual treatments, and they will come up with ways to manage that.

1:22:54 Guest And as a last question, as a receiver, how likely am I to get the virus?

1:23:04 Drew I don't know. There's no answer for that. It's possible.

1:23:07 Adam Well, listen, hold on, Joe, Joe.

1:23:10 Drew On the sort of rampage that you're on.

1:23:12 Adam No, no. Well, yeah. But let me explain, Joe. I've seen the AIDS public service announcements. And here's what I've learned. Whether you want to smoke some chode at the local gay pit, or you're just in a monogamous relationship. Married for 30 years. Living in Kentucky, we all have the exact same chance of getting it. It's exactly the same. I mean, this is what I've learned. This is what I've learned. It's equal opportunity. It's an infection. It will infect everyone. And we all have the same chance. Exactly the same as the next guy. I mean, that's what I've learned. I just know this from watching TV and listening to celebrities open their fat traps about it, that we all have the same. So you could be manning the glory hole at the gay video mart, and it's exactly the same as someone in a monogamous relationship.

1:24:09 Drew As one of the gold girls.

1:24:10 Adam Exactly, Drew. How dare you? And to do anything other than that would be to judge.

1:24:16 Drew And to profile.

1:24:17 Adam And to profile. And we cannot do that. It's impossible. And as you know, everyone you know who's died of AIDS is heterosexual.

1:24:26 Drew Everyone.

1:24:27 Adam Almost everyone.

1:24:28 Drew Over 60.

1:24:29 Adam Equal amount. Right down the middle. Gay and straight monogamous couples.

1:24:33 Drew Not equally. Gay only represents about 68% of the population. It's only about 68%.

1:24:38 Adam 68% of the people who've died of AIDS. So Drew brings up a valid point. If less than 10% of the populace is gay, then it must be less than 10% of the populace who've died of AIDS must be gay. Drew, that's a very valid point. Very good point. Or? Or is it all of them? Is it all of them? Except for one kid in Idaho gets a bad blood transfusion, a couple hemophiliacs or something. Of course it is. Of course. Of course. Of course. Everyone close your eyes. See girl, your heterosexual friends have died of AIDS. Think about it. All the big celebrities. Think about it. Think about it. Nothing coming to mind. Interesting. Or are they all gay? But we can't say anything about that. No. So we do these stupid PSAs where blowhard celebrities tell everyone, everyone's got the same shot. Everyone's got the same shot. And of course you stop listening. Because it doesn't ring true.

1:25:38 Guest I, I, I, it, it, it.

1:25:41 Adam Drew, I don't know what percent of the populace of this country who've died of AIDS have been gay. But how many more times is it over the populace that's actually gay in this country? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's 90% gay and 5% of the populace. Please, how dare these idiots. Just tell us the truth, that's all. Let's go ahead and say it. Why do they have to do this? Why do we do that? It's insulting, isn't it? Everything's the same, everything's always the same. Anybody?

1:26:12 Drew What about Africa, Adam?

1:26:14 Adam Oh, over there? Well, it's our fault. We, we did something. Some, there's some reason why, something we've done wrong. Do we import AIDS to Africa? It's our fault. They won't use condoms. What, what, what are we doing to get them to spread AIDS over there? Or better yet, what are we not doing to stop it? We're doing something wrong. Why don't some of them talk to them, tell them to quit raping each other? Wouldn't that be nice? No, can't do that. It's all the same. Everything's the same. The guy who blows up the next airplane could just, could be a red haired guy, could be female, could be an Asian female. Next guy to die of AIDS, just celibate, celibate elderly female. We don't know. Everything's the same. That's all. That's all. By the way, let's just keep going. No difference between motorcycles and SUVs in terms of safety. You go on the road, you take the same chance. Everything's the same. There's no difference anything anymore. No jobs are the same. Lumberjack, CPA, same thing.

1:27:11 Drew Everything's the same. Everything's the same. Slippery slope.

1:27:14 Adam Slippery slope. Everything's the same. There's no difference between anything. Everyone can get aids. Everyone can do any. Yes. Right. Fine. We can all get aids. Everyone has aids. That's why we all have aids.

1:27:23 Drew Must.

1:27:24 Adam There we go. We must all have aids because anyone can get it. Drew, I know you're in a monogamous relationship, but you have the same chance of this guy has.

1:27:31 Drew Sure.

1:27:31 Adam Of course.

1:27:32 Drew Of course.

1:27:33 Adam Of course. And by the way, could be blowing up a plane tomorrow. You don't know.

1:27:38 Drew Me, of course.

1:27:39 Adam Of course.

1:27:39 Drew Of course.

1:27:40 Adam All right. All right.

1:27:41 Drew That's why we need to pull out a line regularly.

1:27:43 Adam Yeah. That's great. All right. So more PSAs telling us that everyone can get everything. That's the important thing.

1:27:48 Drew Yes.

1:27:49 Adam And then of course, the rest of us all dying of secondhand smoke because just close your eyes. Hey, I want everyone to do this. Close your eyes and picture all the white terrorists, all the straight guys with AIDS, and all the dozens of close friends you've known who've died of secondhand smoke over the years. Oh man. Wow. Could fill a stadium. Yeah. Wow. That's heavy. That really gets the point home, doesn't it? Yeah. Okay. I'm disgusted all of you. Let's take a break.

1:28:19 Guest We'll be back.

1:28:20 Guest Thank you for calling Loveline.

1:28:22 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

1:28:25 Guest Call Loveline.

1:28:27 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:28:50 Adam Yeah, buddy. Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Dave and Melissa here tonight. They went ahead and made a very generous donation to the Tsunami Relief Fund, and therefore, they've earned the opportunity to come hang out with us tonight. Here comes Dave after a monumental bowel move, I'm guessing, because he was in the head for quite some time. Dave and Melissa and Drew and myself went out to a lovely nosh before we came in here tonight, got a little talking in, and now the party continues right into the studio and into Mike, who's 23. Mike?

1:29:32 Caller Yes.

1:29:33 Adam What's up?

1:29:34 Caller Hey, how are you doing? First of all, thanks for taking my call. I listen to you guys every night. You guys are both geniuses.

1:29:39 Adam Thank you for calling.

1:29:42 Caller My concern is I'm sexually compulsive, and I have been for as long as I remember, but it's sort of been snowballing and getting worse and worse.

1:29:51 Drew Okay.

1:29:53 Caller A little scared I'm going to do something I'm going to regret.

1:29:56 Drew Like what?

1:29:59 Caller I don't know. I'm getting, you know, pushing the envelope with females as far as like a little forceful. I also like to look at pictures of some younger girls sometimes.

1:30:13 Adam How old?

1:30:18 Caller 12, 13.

1:30:21 Adam Can't judge. Impossible to judge.

1:30:24 Caller Judge all you want. I do.

1:30:26 Adam Oh, okay. So, so.

1:30:31 Drew Well, here's the deal.

1:30:32 Adam I'm looking at 12 year old.

1:30:34 Caller Well, let me tell you, I was at the Meadows in Arizona.

1:30:37 Drew Oh, good. It's a good program.

1:30:39 Caller Except, you know, when we finished it, I got kicked out, actually.

1:30:42 Drew Why?

1:30:43 Caller For having sex.

1:30:45 Adam Fabulous. Who'd you have sex with? Another, another inmate?

1:30:49 Caller Yeah, inmate.

1:30:49 Guest Yeah.

1:30:51 Adam Yeah. Well, I mean, it's tough because the pickings are easy.

1:30:53 Caller You know what I mean?

1:30:54 Drew Other compulsive.

1:30:55 Adam Yeah.

1:30:56 Drew Yeah.

1:30:58 Adam How did you get busted for having sex?

1:31:01 Caller I don't know if someone went to their counselor and told them. I don't know if it was just suspicion.

1:31:06 Adam Somebody ran it.

1:31:07 Drew Yeah. It happens all the time. It was Patrick Carnes there when you were there? Yes. He's moved.

1:31:13 Caller You only got like a half hour session with him though the whole time. All right. He made you buy all his books, but he only saw you for like a half hour.

1:31:20 Adam Yeah. That's how Drew is. Hey, Mike.

1:31:23 Caller I did buy your book. It was very good.

1:31:25 Drew Thank you, Mike.

1:31:26 Adam Mike, it seems like you're aware that you have a problem. You're also aware that you're losing a grip on yourself.

1:31:35 Drew Are you going to SA?

1:31:37 Caller No, I'm not.

1:31:38 Adam How about just starting there?

1:31:41 Caller I was in there when I was at the Meadows and everything. I don't know how much of it is like addiction. I don't know if I was abused. My mom was sexually abused by her brother when she was growing up. He had cystic fibrosis.

1:31:55 Drew Well, something happened to you too for sure.

1:31:57 Caller Well, I read that drama of the gifted child that you're always mentioning. A lot of that seemed to ring true for me.

1:32:04 Adam Mike, you're all up in your head. Why don't you just do a little essay and then stop doing what you're doing? You're a smart guy.

1:32:11 Drew Are you addicted to some of the chemical too?

1:32:14 Caller Well, I went to Hazelden initially for weed, but I wasn't really addicted. I was just self-medicating more than anything.

1:32:21 Drew Yeah. All addiction starts with self-medication. The addiction part is when you can't stop.

1:32:27 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:32:28 Drew That's when you need treatment. So Mike, you're in denial.

1:32:29 Adam SA ain't going to hurt you.

1:32:30 Drew Yeah. Mike, you're in massive denial. You've been through two of the best programs in the country. You've still not embraced any real recovery of any kind. Come on, let's go. You're going to hurt somebody or yourself if you don't take this seriously soon.

1:32:45 Adam Chip?

1:32:46 Caller Yeah.

1:32:47 Adam You're 20?

1:32:49 Caller No.

1:32:50 Adam Why do we hate Chip?

1:32:52 Drew I'm just looking at the question.

1:32:54 Adam Oh, okay. You fantasize about younger girls?

1:32:58 Caller Girls and guys.

1:33:00 Adam All right. Now you got range. How old?

1:33:05 Caller Six to 14.

1:33:06 Adam Yikes. Again? Again, range.

1:33:10 Caller You know what I mean?

1:33:11 Adam I wish I had that kind of range.

1:33:13 Drew So Chip, you were sexually abused?

1:33:14 Adam I'm stuck at 19 and a half.

1:33:15 Drew Also?

1:33:15 Adam Busty.

1:33:17 Caller That's my knowledge.

1:33:18 Drew It sounds like that. That's what creates that kind of impulse.

1:33:21 Adam And that voice.

1:33:22 Caller I've been quiet in the family, and it doesn't sound like it, but you never know.

1:33:27 Adam All right, Chip. Let's just go on a sort of damage control here, which is it's really hard, I think, to talk people out of their fantasies, but it's easier to talk them out of actually acting on it. I mean, you realize it'd be wrong.

1:33:44 Caller Oh, yeah. I'd never act on it. Okay. I think it's like after I'm done, it's out of my head.

1:33:51 Adam Yeah.

1:33:52 Caller It disgusts me. I hate that part.

1:33:53 Drew Until six hours later.

1:33:55 Adam I mean, I'm the same way. Yeah. Never again, I announce triumphantly. Finger points toward the heavens.

1:34:01 Drew As God is my witness.

1:34:02 Adam As God is my witness. Never again. Never again. Yep. There it goes. All right. So, Chip, you need a girl.

1:34:12 Caller Well, I had one.

1:34:14 Adam Oh, all right. Well, check that off the list. Now, you can go to your grave happy.

1:34:19 Caller I never got into it at all. It wasn't like my thing.

1:34:23 Adam The ladies?

1:34:24 Caller Yeah, and the guy is not my thing. It's just like I'm not interested at all.

1:34:29 Adam Nothing's your thing.

1:34:30 Drew He's interested in young ones.

1:34:32 Adam You mean you're interested in young ones?

1:34:33 Caller Yeah.

1:34:34 Drew Chip, you gotta get some.

1:34:36 Caller At the moment, but that's all I'm ever thinking. And then it's done.

1:34:40 Drew You need some treatment there, Chip.

1:34:41 Adam How about a little treatment?

1:34:43 Caller Yeah, I'm in therapy. I'm not discussing with my therapist.

1:34:47 Drew You need to talk about it absolutely, Chip. It is bizarre that you wouldn't talk about it with your therapist. That's precisely the material that needs to be discussed.

1:34:55 Adam And go ahead and water it down a little bit, work into it, but bring it up, for Christ's sake.

1:34:59 Drew The things you are ashamed of, the things that have affect attached to them, that's the stuff you bring up with your therapist.

1:35:06 Caller Force yourself.

1:35:07 Adam You can talk about not giving it to the tsunami relief, when you see the shrink.

1:35:12 Caller The thing about having a therapist is that they are there to listen to you and to be and sort of unjudging and carrying resource.

1:35:24 Adam Who cares if they judge? Yeah. No, I agree.

1:35:27 Caller I mean, that's the point. That's the point. It's somebody to listen to you and somebody who is trained. So let it rip. Tell your therapist what's going on. It's not going to do you or anybody else any good if you don't.

1:35:41 Adam No, especially whatever 9-year-old you end up on top of. All right, we're going to take ourselves a last little break. We'll be right back after this.

1:35:50 Caller All right, guys.

1:35:50 Caller Bottom line, here's the deal.

1:35:52 Caller Looking to hook up. Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:35:55 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:35:56 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:35:57 Caller The Dateline.

1:35:58 Drew 877-889-DATE.

1:36:03 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. This hour brought you apart by Axe.

1:36:13 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

1:36:35 Adam Well, that's the show. Was it everything you dreamed of and more?

1:36:41 Caller And more.

1:36:42 Drew Wasn't worth $15,000, I would be fair.

1:36:44 Adam That's not the point though. I mean, think about, well, Drew, nobody gives to charity like Drew. And what do you get in return?

1:36:52 Drew The pleasure.

1:36:52 Adam You get a little tax write-off, but you don't actually go get to do anything.

1:36:56 Drew That's true.

1:36:57 Adam This is not only the satisfaction of giving $15,000 to a worthy cause, but you get to listen to the Ace man, and Dr. Half Jew.

1:37:08 Drew Nice.

1:37:08 Adam Yeah, go out and eat a little dinner. David, Melissa, God bless you doing the Lord's work. It was a treat meeting both of you. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:37:24 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, February 23, 2005