Episode 1000680590154

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:18 Voiceover With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:21 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LLV-E-191, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist, Drew, in Washington. I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Drew. I'll announce it when you're in studio. I'll announce it.

1:41 Drew For a change, just to make sure that those are something different.

1:43 Adam Right. Until I announce Drew is actually in studio, just assume me somewhere else. It's easier. Where is Dr. Drew? Jennifer Schefft is here tonight. She is the bachelor. Hello. How's her mic? Is that good? Can we hear her? Hello. Turn her up. You know what I love about this radio show? Every single night, we have a guest and every single night after the guest says the first three syllables, engineer Anderson says, turn them up. Tomorrow night, well, we don't do a show tomorrow night, but if we did and we had a guest after the first three syllables, turn it up, would be Anderson's decree and that's a beauty radio. Beauty radio is if everyone did things the first time, then everyone would be getting paid more and it wouldn't be such a hell hole to return to on a nightly basis, but that's not the way radio works.

2:39 Jen Schefft Good to know.

2:40 Adam Jennifer is in, now you're down to three guys, right?

2:44 Jen Schefft Down to three guys, yep.

2:45 Adam Monday night's nine o'clock by the way on ABC and Jennifer was the one who made it to the end with Firestone and then that thing blew up. You guys were technically engaged?

2:58 Jen Schefft Like how you say technically. Yeah, we were engaged, but I mean it was, we weren't really, we were together for almost a year, but we weren't at the stage where we were planning a wedding.

3:07 Adam Is he a sociopath?

3:09 Jen Schefft No, he's not a sociopath. No, he's a good guy.

3:12 What's wrong?

3:13 Jen Schefft Nothing.

3:14 Adam Nothing's wrong with him?

3:14 Jen Schefft Nothing's wrong with him.

3:16 Drew She started with, I can't say.

3:17 Adam Yeah.

3:18 Jen Schefft No, I can't. I can't.

3:19 Adam Something's wrong.

3:20 Jen Schefft Nothing's wrong with him.

3:22 Adam I don't trust that guy.

3:24 Jen Schefft Yeah. Why don't you trust him?

3:27 Jen Schefft All right.

3:27 Adam He's sort of. Well, he's got a lot of money. He's good looking. So already that's two strikes. Two strikes against him. I don't know. There's some people that seem like human beings and other people that seem like they're inhabiting the bodies of human beings and trying to fit in with the other Earthlings. And that's what it seems like. And it's especially bad with guys. Because they just try to act like guys. It just seems like something's up with that guy.

3:53 Jen Schefft He, you know, he's a nice guy. That's all I'll say. I mean, I don't have anything bad or scandalous or something like that.

3:59 Adam All right. But you're all right.

4:00 Jen Schefft I'm all right. I'm doing well.

4:01 Adam You're right. And you got three guys left.

4:03 Jen Schefft Three guys left. It's the big.

4:05 Adam What is it? Did you ever think, by the way, and I obviously have feelings for all three of them, which we grow up being sort of hand fed. This thing where it's like you have a soulmate out there. And once you find that soulmate, it'll be right. You could probably be in to any one of the three guys pretty easily, couldn't you?

4:23 Jen Schefft Well, they're all really great guys. But I mean, at the end, you do know, I mean, when else hadn't done in life and in love? I mean, there is supposed to be one person.

4:33 Drew You know how attraction works. You know what I mean? Well, it's not about the appearances of somebody or sort of the pedigree. It's about that thing in us, whatever our leftover pathology is, we're drawn.

4:48 Adam Yeah.

4:48 Jen Schefft That's very true. All three of these guys are really great guys, but doesn't mean that they're all great for me. It is that chemistry thing.

4:59 Adam Yeah. Which is more true for women probably than it is for men.

5:03 Jen Schefft Because men, three women, great.

5:06 Adam I just mean you really realize you could have been with many different people and possibly been happy with many different people. I don't know that there's one soul mate out there.

5:16 Drew No, I don't think that's true.

5:18 Jen Schefft I mean, I agree with you. I don't think that there's one person out there for you.

5:22 Adam I don't know why. They start you early with the Disney movies and stuff trying to drive that point home.

5:28 Jen Schefft Then when you get to a certain age, you just realize what a great fantasy, but it's not true.

5:34 Adam Would have been nice.

5:34 Jen Schefft Would have been nice.

5:35 Adam Yeah.

5:36 Drew I'm not even sure it's a great fantasy. It's limiting.

5:38 Adam Well, it's great for a chick.

5:40 Jen Schefft Well, it's great when you're 21 and 22 and you're out of college and you can't wait to live happily ever after and then you're closer to 30 and you're single and you're thinking, OK, you know, plus you got to figure out for every like one guy who actually is a prince and lives in a castle, there has to be at least five guys who drive like a rusted out.

6:02 Adam Maybe ten.

6:02 Jen Schefft Yeah, I don't know.

6:04 Adam I don't know.

6:04 Jen Schefft I don't know.

6:05 Adam I don't believe the prince ratio is that bad. I say for every one prince, there's probably five commoners.

6:11 Jen Schefft OK.

6:12 Adam Yeah.

6:12 Jen Schefft There's somebody. There's some in the middle, though, there, too.

6:15 Adam Yeah. I just mean you're the chances of you getting the guy with the slipper and the coach and the fairy tale.

6:22 Jen Schefft Pretty slim.

6:23 Adam Yeah. Let's face it.

6:23 Jen Schefft Let's say there's one perfect person or there's a few perfect people out there for you, not necessarily perfect people. But there's that one person, a couple of people that could be right for you.

6:32 Adam Yeah. I tell my wife there's a she's in a group. It's a Baker's dozen basically that could die. And a sweetie, by the way, look at the populous of the earth. That's not bad. That's not bad. And believe me, I'm being generous. I could easily round that up to thirty five or forty in North America alone. But the point is, is she made the cut. You know what I'm saying? There's no shame in that.

6:57 Jen Schefft No.

6:58 Adam What, Drew?

6:59 Drew She's lucky.

7:00 Adam She's lucky. That's right.

7:01 Jen Schefft Very lucky.

7:05 Adam Yeah, Jen, I called you Jen. I didn't mean to shorten it out, but.

7:09 Jen Schefft No, you can call me Jen. Everybody calls me Jen.

7:11 Adam I don't. I don't. I don't think. I'm probably not your type.

7:14 Jen Schefft Why would you say that?

7:15 Adam If you knew the real me, you'd be into me. But I just think you're one of those. You're one of those people that you're. I'm not so strong on paper. I guess is what I'm saying.

7:26 Jen Schefft Why would you say that?

7:27 Adam Well, I don't have a good pedigree.

7:29 Jen Schefft I think you do.

7:31 Adam I think you're I'm crafty, but that doesn't translate on the paper. And, you know, I have some good radio show. Well, that's true. That's true.

7:40 Jen Schefft But a lot of girls might like that.

7:42 Adam It's possible. It's possible. Thank you for your for your charity. I appreciate that. You see, you're digging deep. Look at that. Look at that sweatshirt. That's it's only got one mustard stain on it. I wish I had one of those. Yeah, it's a good look at that zipper that goes top to bottom stem to stern.

7:59 Look at that there.

8:00 Adam It's not one of those V neck types. No, that's for sure. Built in hood, my friend. Drawstring barely frayed. All right. Monday night's nine o'clock ABC. And then the big we've got the big Valentine's Day coming up this this Monday. You guys are going to exotic locations.

8:18 Jen Schefft Exotic locations.

8:18 Adam Where do you go? Do you go somewhere exotic with each?

8:21 Jen Schefft Yes. So I go to Bermuda and I go to to Fusky Island, which is right off of Hilton Head Island. Or not Hilton Island, but off of Hilton Head and then Cape Cod.

8:32 Adam Wow. And where do you where do you start from? Do you start from out here or?

8:41 Jen Schefft I went to I went to Bermuda, then to South Carolina and then up to Cape Cod.

8:47 Adam And you know, the guy's like, I can't imagine what it does. I mean, you were in their position basically a year or so ago. I mean, you know, have this romantic weekend. Everything's great. Everything's lovey dovey. And that's like, I got a split, but I'm not going back to work.

9:03 Jen Schefft I'm going to meet.

9:04 Adam I'm going on another date.

9:06 Jen Schefft Yes.

9:06 Adam It's just got to.

9:07 Jen Schefft Yeah, it's definitely weird. But I think the guys, I mean, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's weird for me too, because, you know, you go home from a date and usually like, I mean, I'm a girl. I like to call my friends like, can you believe he said this? Or what do you think he meant when he said that? Now it's like, oh, wait, I have to switch. And now I have to talk to somebody else. Like, it's tough.

9:25 Adam Is there there must be a feeling like that you have to you have to we take you have to shake off the last date, don't you? It's like you walk away from this date. Oh, so manic. I'm having feelings. I'm having very serious feelings for this person. All of a sudden, now I'm at a new date with a new person. There's still some residual feelings from the last date.

9:46 Jen Schefft It's hard. It's hard to switch gears like that. But then it also, I mean, sometimes it's not switching gears. The date showed me like, okay, I really like this person or maybe I'm glad I spent this much time because now I know for sure that it's not going to work.

10:01 Adam So, brutal.

10:02 Drew I learned last summer that Cape Cod is the miniature golf and go-kart capital of the world.

10:08 Jen Schefft Oh, I didn't see any of that.

10:09 Adam You guys go on karting. It's going to be awesome.

10:12 Jen Schefft It was like, it was November. I mean, it was cold, it was cold. So we went to a lighthouse, I think. Yeah, that's what you do when it's cold. We were by the water, but it was chilly.

10:26 Drew The Chatham Bar, Chatham Inn? Yes.

10:30 Adam Now, all these guys are on their best behavior, obviously, and they're trying to impress, but sometimes women like a bad boy. That's true.

10:38 Jen Schefft Well, the mysterious ones are definitely more intriguing because you're trying to get to know them. Yeah. The ones that come on really strong are kind of freaked me out.

10:47 Adam No, no. I would, you know.

10:48 Jen Schefft Yeah, playing hard to get definitely works.

10:51 Adam I'd play. You'd be like, all right, well, we got 18 hours. And I'd be like, yeah, run along, babe. I'll watch some Tivo. You're like, what?

10:57 Jen Schefft Why don't you like me?

10:59 Adam Yeah. And then I'd give you this one to freak you out. I go, yeah, next, the next guy, the next guy you're going out with. I talked to him. He's pretty lonely. Why don't you give him a little something? Come on. Give him a little something. You'd be going crazy, right? I would command you to have sex with the next bachelor.

11:15 Jen Schefft Just like that.

11:16 Adam It would work. It would.

11:18 Jen Schefft I agree.

11:19 Adam Awesome. What about that guy who cried? Did he freak you out?

11:23 Jen Schefft You look freaked out.

11:24 Adam Yeah.

11:25 Jen Schefft It was kind of scary. I mean, not scary, but one minute he's crying, and I didn't really know how the tears started. I just saw them streaming down his face. Then all of a sudden, he just kissed me out of nowhere. So it was really uncomfortable.

11:39 Adam The weird, I'm trying to figure this out because I've screwed this up a couple of times in my own life over the years, but the emotional, tear-fueled bum rush never works on women. It freaks them out and they get turned off.

11:53 Jen Schefft I mean, I think most women like when men cry. You just got to save that for a little bit later in the relationship.

12:01 Adam But they want crying when you guys rent Old Yeller. They don't want crying and freaking out because you've not answered their phone calls or you're seeing a friend.

12:13 Jen Schefft You don't want them to act too much like a woman.

12:15 Jen Schefft You want them to be a man.

12:16 Adam It freaks you out. You know what it is? I think when a guy is crying... See, I think when a guy cries when you guys watch an old movie, he's very sensitive, he's open, he touches feelings. When he's crying in the midst of the relationship, you feel out of control.

12:34 Jen Schefft I'm the one who should be crying. Why are you crying? I can't help you.

12:37 Adam I think for women, it's sort of like you feel like your kid and you're in a school bus and the bus driver keeps yelling, I don't know where I'm going. What do I do? What do I do? Which is a guess.

12:47 Drew What's this wheel thing?

12:48 Adam What's this big wheel? And the kids start getting freaked out. Like, oh, you know, I think that freaks a woman out.

12:54 Jen Schefft No, I totally agree.

12:55 Adam So you got to cry, but you got to cry at the right time. And it can't have anything over the right thing to do with the two of you, really.

13:01 Jen Schefft Right.

13:02 Adam That's good. I would work a cry in.

13:06 Jen Schefft You would?

13:06 Adam I would. The right kind of cry.

13:09 Jen Schefft In your whole little scheme?

13:10 Adam I would cry. You know what I do? I would shed a tear for the children. That'd be one of those things. I would just do one of those things. Like I just.

13:17 Jen Schefft When you were talking about, like, what, how?

13:20 Adam You would come home and say, I would send you out because I would say, I need to watch TV. And I would just tell you, look, here, here's some wham, some walking around money. And you go hit an oyster bar or something, sweet pea. I'm going to watch El Tivo and you'd be angry, but you'd be intrigued. And then when you came back, you'd see single tear rolling down at just at the end of this UNICEF commercial, like where the guy with the beard pleads for money.

13:41 Jen Schefft You can time it.

13:42 Adam And you'd be like, wow, this guy, there's something, something so deep here, so important.

13:46 Jen Schefft I have to find out what that is too. Yeah.

13:48 Drew You see the case he's building here? He's going to command you to have sex with the next guy. He's going to cry for the children. He's building a case.

13:58 Jen Schefft Yeah.

13:59 Jen Schefft It might work.

14:01 Jen Schefft It might work.

14:01 Adam Yeah. All right. All right. And then the wind breaking begins.

14:07 Jen Schefft And that's when it really gets a drink.

14:08 Drew And the Dutch oven thing is very impressive.

14:10 Adam Oh my gosh. Blowing gas. What a confident man. I am so intrigued with this.

14:17 Jen Schefft He must really be comfortable with me.

14:19 Talk about.

14:19 Drew The sweet smell of success.

14:21 Adam What a powerful, confident man. Yeah.

14:26 All right.

14:27 Adam Michelle?

14:27 Yeah.

14:28 Adam You're 23?

14:29 Caller Yeah.

14:30 Adam Yeah, you know, it's always funny. Whenever Drew travels, I always just take the call that the sticker he left on the, he picks out, he picks his calls by putting these little Post-It stickers on the screen. And the one he left on here three days ago is the one I assume we should be talking to because it was just a remnant of Drew's last appearance here. So should we talk to Michelle? 30-year-old boyfriend is a virgin. All right, that's good. Michelle?

14:56 Caller Yes.

14:56 Caller What's up?

14:58 Caller I have a boyfriend and he's a little bit older. And I think he's a virgin. He says he's been with a couple of people, but every time we try to do something, his erection doesn't last long.

15:12 Drew He's gay.

15:14 Adam That doesn't make him a virgin.

15:17 Caller What I've heard has only been, I don't see how it's possible that he could have.

15:22 Caller Why?

15:24 Caller Because it doesn't last long at all. I'm talking-

15:27 Drew Yeah, with you, with you. You're fat.

15:31 Adam Drew, pull it out.

15:33 Jen Schefft No, I didn't say that.

15:34 Drew I didn't say that.

15:35 Jen Schefft By the way-

15:35 Drew Jen, that's Anderson.

15:37 Adam I would work that in, and it's our day too. I'd be like, yeah, you look a little hippie in those shorts. Yeah. If we hook up, and that's a big if. Don't get excited. I'm going to need you to drop just a couple around the waist. I would punctuate it with a huge fart.

15:58 Jen Schefft You got me.

15:59 Caller Yeah.

16:00 Drew You'd be so intrigued. Does he ejaculate?

16:04 Caller Hold on.

16:05 Adam Quiet down, Drew. You'd be on the phone with your friends.

16:06 Jen Schefft You'd be like, there's just one guy. I can't figure him out.

16:12 Drew What does he mean when he farts?

16:14 Jen Schefft He begs me to have sex with the other bachelor.

16:17 Drew What does that mean?

16:19 Jen Schefft Yeah.

16:20 Adam Yeah. It wasn't well, no, it wasn't it wasn't an angry fart. It wasn't a horny fart. It was just she's so hard to read. Even as far as I can't read. Michelle.

16:31 Caller Yes.

16:32 Adam All right, sorry there baby.

16:33 That's fine.

16:33 Drew Now, does he lose his erection after ejaculates or before? After ejaculates.

16:38 Caller Yes.

16:39 Drew So he's just quick on the draw?

16:41 Yes, yes.

16:42 Drew All right, that has nothing to do with anything. That's just him. He could have a thousand partners and still be that way. There's nothing to do with virginity or not.

16:50 Caller And there's nothing to help him stay a little bit longer?

16:56 Drew No, it's not about staying hard. It's about him ejaculating. Once a guy ejaculates, they lose their erection period. Yeah. I mean, so old. What about your 18-year-olds?

17:04 Adam I'm going on a limb here. Michelle.

17:05 Drew Yeah.

17:07 Adam Pre-med? No. You're going to college?

17:11 Caller No.

17:11 Drew PhD in biology.

17:13 Adam What are you doing? What's going on with you?

17:15 Caller Nothing.

17:16 Adam Okay. What's up? Did you have this 30-old boyfriend and you just, you have this sort of wild speculation? You don't seem to have any idea who he is or what kind of person he is? What's going on? Where's your dad? What happened to you?

17:32 Caller My dad? He died.

17:34 Drew How old were you?

17:36 Caller 18.

17:37 Adam What happened?

17:39 Caller Medical problems.

17:41 Drew Addiction?

17:42 Caller No.

17:43 Adam What happened?

17:47 Caller I'd rather not talk about it.

17:50 Adam I'm going to hang up on you then, alright? I have to.

17:52 Drew We need to know what's going on.

17:54 Adam Something's going on with Michelle. Something's up with you.

17:57 Caller You can hear her voice.

17:59 Caller What happened? He had vasculitis and it was, I think that's what it was called, and the muscle was eating his legs and he gained a lot of weight fluid-wise and because he didn't do anything, he gained a lot of weight.

18:15 Drew Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Again, vasculitis with lower extremity skin breakdown, smacks of something called cryoglobulinemia, which is a complication of chronic hepatitis.

18:28 Caller I think he also had that.

18:30 Drew Drug user. Yeah. He's a drug user. Exactly. That's where you got the hepatitis, right? He never do drugs, huh?

18:36 Caller No. I mean, maybe in high school. I'm not sure, but when I was alive, no.

18:40 Drew All right.

18:41 Adam And he was good to you?

18:42 Caller Yeah.

18:43 Drew All right.

18:43 Adam Good dad.

18:44 Caller Yeah.

18:45 Adam Great. No drinking, no smacking, no molesting.

18:48 Caller Well, he drank, but he stopped that when we were really young.

18:52 Drew So he's a heavy drinker then. All right.

18:54 Adam And mom?

18:57 Caller My mom and me are really good friends.

19:00 Adam All right.

19:01 Drew All right.

19:02 Adam Michelle, it just seems like you need to have a real relationship with this guy and stop speculating. Like he must be a virgin because he has an orgasm too quickly.

19:13 Drew Yeah. Talk with him for God's sakes.

19:15 Caller That's what I'm doing now. He's like really shy.

19:18 Adam He's shy. Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend?

19:23 Caller Yes.

19:23 Drew All right.

19:24 Adam Well, act like it then, would you? Let's go ahead and talk to him. If he doesn't want to talk back, then dump him.

19:31 Drew There's a lot of things you can do. He can wear a condom during sex. He can ejaculate beforehand. You guys can go at it repeatedly, multiple episodes together. There's all kinds of things can be done, but you have to work. He has to work with you on it. I mean, we sort of said this the other night, Adam, is that people don't, it's not that they, if somebody has a problem, that's no big deal. You commit yourself to the relationship, but if they aren't willing to work on it, then that's it.

19:51 Adam Right.

19:52 Right.

19:53 Adam Yeah. I would be such a mystery to you, Jennifer. You'd be like, who is this guy?

19:59 Jen Schefft And it'd be cool, too, because I'd have to call this show to figure you out.

20:04 Adam You wouldn't even know my name. That whole thing. I would be Mr. X. You'd have no idea.

20:09 Jen Schefft What's your name again? Not yet.

20:11 Adam You know what? I'm not ready. It's too soon. And you'd be like, please, please, I'm begging you. You know what? I've been burned before. I gave someone my first name once and I got burned. I'm just not ready. I'm not ready to give my first name again. And you'd be going out of your mind. I would. Be awesome. You are right. Yeah. So intriguing. Let's see. Let's see.

20:37 Drew Talk to them.

20:38 Adam Yeah. Talk to what?

20:40 Drew Line one.

20:41 Adam No. Let's see.

20:43 Drew Don't talk to line one. Do not talk to line one.

20:45 Adam Well, this time I'm really not going to do it, idiot. Kathy?

20:50 No, actually, it's Cassie.

20:52 Adam Cassie?

20:53 Caller Cassie, yes. All right. So, actually, I didn't really get to tell him what I was calling about, like all of it, but I'm 21 and I'll just go ahead and get it all out right now. I had a baby when I was 17 and her father and I got married like two years ago and that only lasted like a couple of months because he's just a typical 20-year-old. And I have like the last couple of months, like whenever we would have sex, it's just like I wasn't enjoying it, like I didn't want to.

21:34 Drew Right. Your relationship was falling apart.

21:36 Caller Yeah.

21:37 Caller All right.

21:39 Caller And like we've been separated for a year now and like nine, let's see, this was about four months ago. I go to college and I met a guy that was in one of my classes with me and he was like my study partner. And we became friends. And I mean, like after going out a few times, we hooked up and it was like the same. Like I just, you know, I just wasn't into it. And I don't know if it's because.

22:10 Drew All right.

22:11 Adam You had sex with him?

22:13 Caller Yeah.

22:13 Drew Yeah. Were you into him?

22:15 Caller Yeah. I mean, I really like him. He's still like my really good friend. I mean, that.

22:20 Drew Yeah.

22:20 Caller I think maybe we just jumped into it too soon.

22:23 Drew Good.

22:23 Caller Good.

22:23 Drew Maybe he is just a friend. Yeah.

22:25 Adam Yeah.

22:26 Drew Yeah.

22:27 Caller But I just, I just, I'm scared that, I don't know, am I done with sex? Like, if they had a baby too.

22:35 Adam No. Listen, you had the baby that slows things down. He had a bad relationship.

22:40 Drew Right. That slows it down further.

22:42 Adam Yeah. You just need a right guy. Did he give you any oral sex?

22:45 Caller Yeah.

22:46 Adam All right. See, that'd be, that'd be- Jen's freeing around. My thanks, Jennifer.

22:49 Caller Yeah. I didn't even, I don't know. I didn't even enjoy that. It was just, I mean-

22:54 Wow. Wow.

22:56 Caller It was just really weird.

22:57 Drew That speaks volumes.

22:58 Wow.

22:58 Caller Because I thought, I don't know, I mean, all my friends talk about sex and they're just like, oh, it's so great. And I just, I don't feel like that whenever I have sex.

23:08 Adam Yeah. Well, it's been a while.

23:09 Drew Are you on medication?

23:10 Caller Yeah.

23:11 Drew Are you on birth control pill or something?

23:12 Caller No.

23:13 Drew Nothing. No medicine.

23:15 Caller No, nothing. I take some vitamins, but.

23:18 Adam So what you need to do is just focus on your school, focus on your kid, find a relationship, you'll be fine. I know it says Pollyanna-ish. Jennifer, over here, baby.

23:30 Jen Schefft Yes, hi.

23:30 Adam What do you think? You have any thoughts on this?

23:32 Jen Schefft No, I just think that obviously she hasn't met the right person. I mean, if you, I think she likes him, but it's just obviously the attraction isn't there.

23:41 Adam If this was a 21-year-old male, we'd say there's a problem going on here. This person is attractive, you're attracted to them, you had sex, you didn't enjoy it, you're depressed, something's going on. But for a woman, sometimes there's all the reasons.

23:55 Jen Schefft I think for women, it's not about the act, it's about who you're with and how they make you feel and if you're comfortable and it's the person, it's not.

24:05 Drew The mystery?

24:06 Adam Yeah, the mystery.

24:06 Jen Schefft The mystery.

24:07 Adam Mr. X.

24:08 Jen Schefft Right, Mr. X.

24:09 Adam Yeah. And then I start, you know what I do?

24:12 Jen Schefft Maybe this guy just isn't mysterious enough.

24:14 Adam I do that thing where I go like, Mr. X, I'll blindfold you. And then we'd trial you a bath, give you a oil massage, yeah.

24:24 Jen Schefft And then...

24:25 Adam Yeah. Give you a massage.

24:26 Jen Schefft You would.

24:26 Adam Yeah, that's what Mr. X would do.

24:27 Jen Schefft But I wouldn't even know your...

24:29 Jen Schefft Still wouldn't know your name.

24:29 Adam You wouldn't know my name, and you wouldn't even know we did it.

24:37 Jen Schefft How would I not know that?

24:38 Adam Roofies. I probably wouldn't talk about that part of my plan, Drew.

24:43 Jen Schefft Okay.

24:44 Adam But yeah, very mysterious.

24:46 Drew Even without the roofies, she may not know.

24:48 Adam That's true. It has happened before. Yeah, Velvet Blindfold.

24:53 Caller Oh, yeah.

24:54 Adam All right. We got to take ourselves a little break. By the way, Jennifer is going to be on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight. And that is well tonight. And you can see how to go.

25:06 Jen Schefft It went really well. It was very fun.

25:08 Adam Yeah.

25:08 Jen Schefft Luke Perry was on who was Dylan. Yeah. That was very exciting for me.

25:13 Adam I know that I sort of would adapt my character, Mr. X, around Dylan. Yeah.

25:19 Jen Schefft He was quiet, mysterious, loner, troubled, troubled.

25:23 Adam Yeah. And there would always be something in my past that I wouldn't let you know about. But I was running from my past.

25:30 Jen Schefft And I would just want to help you.

25:31 Adam Yeah.

25:32 Jen Schefft I want to make it OK.

25:33 Adam You just that's all you just want to make it better. And it'd be like, you just want me to open up. It's like I can't open up. And then and then I get angry and punch something good. Would you have the sideburns of the sideburns? And I do do things, my hair constantly. I'd be like, I'd just be in anguish all the time. Just like, and you'd be like, Mr. X, just open up. And I'd be like, damn it, I'd punch the refrigerator.

26:01 Caller You don't understand.

26:04 Jen Schefft And I would love it.

26:05 Adam Yeah. Just just running from my past. Not and not jogging from my past and not. Yeah, not not sort of, you know, moving in the general opposite direction. I passed full blown sprint from my past. A dark past that I can't even talk about. The the imagination just reels.

26:27 Caller Oh, what could it be?

26:28 Adam What could it be? It's it's intriguing. I'll tell you that. All right, Drew is in, Drew is in DC. Jennifer and I are out here. I'm going to give a little plug to the Saw DVD, which is out February 15th. So when is that? Tuesday? That's Tuesday. That's this Tuesday. It's stars Danny Glover and Cary Elwes. And it's, what about it, Drew?

26:55 Drew It's a scary movie. And if you took you 20 seconds to come up with that. And if you are, well, there's a damn delay here. And if you are, if you get through tonight, you're over 18, you get a DVD, you're placed in a drawing to go to England, to be in the blood stock.

27:12 Adam That's right. Blood stock. You go to England, you go see blood stock. It's in Derbyshire, England, and we'll put you in the hat for that. All right. So that is Saw. That is out on DVD in about five days. And we'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this.

27:31 Loveline, we'll be right back.

27:44 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew. Not in the studio tonight. Jennifer Schefft is our guest tonight. She is The Bachelorette, ABC, nine o'clock on Monday nights. And this Monday, Big Valentine's special, three exotic locales. Yeah.

28:08 Jen Schefft Very exotic.

28:09 Adam You know what I know? I think my move would be, you know, besides not telling you my name or anything, be like, all right, Adam, I mean, Drake or whatever your name is, you know, be like, Mr. X, you've made it to the final three. Now, I'm taking Todd to Bermuda. We're going to Florida. Then I'm taking Larry to San Francisco. I'd be like, yeah, you kids run along. I'm going to hold down the fort. And you're like, what?

28:40 Jen Schefft You wouldn't even take a vacation with me?

28:41 Adam I'm like, listen, it's cool. Go take those mopeds for a spin around the block. You're ready to saddle up to a Harley. We can talk.

28:50 Jen Schefft I think that would really think this would work.

28:52 Adam It worked like, listen, I'm going to be back here. You know what I do? I can't leave town for more than two days because of my horse. Because they love chicks go nuts for horses. And you're like, you have a horse. And I'd be like, I've said too much. I ride from my past, a gallop from my past. I think it's like, yeah, I have to feed her. She's sick. I got her from the horse, horse rescue.

29:19 Jen Schefft I got the horse from another tier, another tier, one tier.

29:23 Adam And then I do this thing. If I ever get my hands on the guy who did that to my horse.

29:31 Caller So defensive.

29:32 Adam And then I and I was like, don't look at me. And you're like, it's incredible. Yeah, I actually I wouldn't even get a healthy horse. I went to the pound to get one with three legs.

29:43 Jen Schefft But I don't know that.

29:45 Adam No, you don't know. All you know is my horse is damaged. It's lame.

29:48 Jen Schefft Just like you.

29:49 Adam And I can't go out of town for three days because I have to I have to feed it. I have to feed it with a I use. I put an apple in my mouth and I feed it like, you know, like that's it because I'm the only one he'll trust. You know what I'm saying?

30:02 Jen Schefft That's really cute.

30:03 Adam Yeah. And you're like, so I'm like run ahead with your boy. I guess I got to stay stateside here. I got to take care of this horse.

30:12 Jen Schefft Okay.

30:12 Jen Schefft I would really respect you for that.

30:14 Jen Schefft Yeah.

30:14 Adam You'd be all be awesome. All right. Let's take a question for Drew Bart.

30:21 Jen Schefft Yes.

30:22 Adam You're 21.

30:23 Caller Yes.

30:24 Adam Are you a virgin?

30:26 Caller No.

30:27 Adam Really? Almost a virgin?

30:31 Caller Not even close.

30:32 Adam All right. What's up?

30:35 Caller I've been with a girlfriend of mine for quite some time now. We've had sex in various positions and I have trouble giving her an orgasm when I'm on top. The only time she ever orgasms is in a very specific position and she doesn't enjoy doing it that much.

30:53 Adam You're breaking my heart.

30:55 Drew I know. The fact that she got an orgasm at all within her course, she's way ahead of the curve.

30:59 Adam I know. Come on.

31:01 Caller Well, I mean, it is a little troubling because I love when I can do that for her.

31:07 Adam So yeah, well, you can do it for her when she's in, you know, reverse cowgirl or whatever or whatever, though that laugh makes me think I may have nailed it.

31:17 Caller It's just a funny name.

31:19 Adam Speaking of reverse cowgirl, I announce to you that I don't believe horses are for riding or for dragging farm implements, you know what I mean? They're just as smart, just as loyal as any dog I've ever had. And then I tell you, I have a sea turtle that I rescued too that I have to take care of. It only has one flipper. Yeah.

31:42 Jen Schefft Do you cry over the sea turtle as well?

31:45 Adam I'm over it. It's been a while and you know what? I cleaned it up from an oil spill and we really bought it. Bart?

31:52 Caller Yes.

31:53 Adam All right. What position is that by the way?

31:56 Caller It's sitting up on a couch or various seated positions.

32:02 Why did you like that?

32:03 Drew What does it make?

32:05 I'm sorry?

32:06 Drew What's so problematic about the position for her?

32:10 Caller She doesn't think it's so much fair that she can only have any orgasm in that position and no matter what else we're doing.

32:20 Drew How about most of the women that can't have an orgasm in the intercourse at all, which is most women? That's ridiculous. The fact that she's even able to do that is ahead of everyone. That's great.

32:29 Caller I see your point, but I'm not sure she would.

32:32 Adam All right.

32:33 Drew Is she there?

32:35 Adam She can't be there, can she? Her, by the way, she's 20. She's having orgasms through intercourse. She's just having it in a prescribed position or a predetermined position.

32:48 Drew She's whining about it.

32:49 Adam It's really, it's like a kid in high school complaining that they're only driving a BMW and they could be driving a Maybach or a Ferrari.

32:57 Jen Schefft Yeah, I think she should just be happy with what she's...

33:00 Adam I got a moped, I'm pushing a shopping cart. Please. Yes.

33:04 Jen Schefft Yeah, I think she should just be happy with what she's got.

33:06 Adam That's right. Oh, yeah.

33:08 Jen Schefft Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

33:12 Drew Keep the mystery going. Keep the mystery at it.

33:14 Adam Yeah, I mean, well, I've never met a woman that has an orgasm in every position.

33:20 Drew Bart.

33:20 Jen Schefft But they don't know because you're such a mystery.

33:23 Adam I'm X. Yeah, Mr. X. Bart?

33:27 Caller Yes.

33:27 Adam Is she there?

33:30 Caller No, actually, we're in a long...

33:31 Adam All right, all right, all right, you're breaking my heart. Something's up with Bart. What's up with Bart?

33:36 Drew I don't know.

33:37 Adam Nerdy, weird? I don't know. Drew, what'd you do?

33:41 Drew What'd I do?

33:42 Adam You did a college lecture tonight?

33:44 Drew University of Maryland. I revisited.

33:46 Adam I thought you were out there doing something else.

33:49 Drew I was, but I did University of Maryland tonight.

33:51 Adam All right.

33:52 Drew I had a bunch of things to do. I had a lot of stuff to do when I was out here.

33:57 Caller Okay. All right.

33:59 Adam I guess we're lucky to have you. It was good.

34:02 Drew Remember University of Maryland? Yeah, I was vomiting last time I was there.

34:08 Adam Casey?

34:09 Yeah.

34:09 Adam You're 18? What's up?

34:12 Caller Okay.

34:12 Caller Well, I've organized in the few times before, but only on top. I was having sex with my boyfriend one time, and I wasn't on top, actually he was. While we were actually having sex, I urinated and I didn't think that was possible. And I didn't know what was wrong or...

34:32 Drew Were you having an orgasm when you urinated?

34:34 Caller Yeah.

34:36 Drew Yeah, that's a theme. Orgasmic incontinence, that's called. You're sure it was urination and not ejaculation?

34:41 Caller Positive.

34:43 Drew Okay. Well, that happens.

34:45 Caller I didn't know that was possible though. Oh yeah.

34:47 Drew Yeah.

34:48 Caller Okay.

34:49 Adam Yeah.

34:49 Drew That's okay.

34:50 Adam The guy...

34:51 Drew Was your boyfriend okay?

34:52 Caller Huh?

34:53 Drew Was your boyfriend okay with it?

34:54 Caller Yeah, he was completely fine with it. We just kind of didn't know that what was going on or if it was, I don't know, if something was wrong that it happened or I don't know.

35:03 Drew I think guys are kind of impressed with themselves when they produce anything. Don't you think, Adam?

35:07 Adam Yeah. Although I draw the line at duty, you know.

35:13 Drew That's not sounding very mysterious anymore.

35:15 Adam I just mean, in a way it's a compliment if you really break it down. It's sort of like if you're assassinated, it's kind of a compliment because it means you've risen to some position of power or something. But it's still, it's kind of backhanded. That's the way I feel about the duty. Yeah. Yeah. And I wouldn't talk about that. I wouldn't talk about that as Mr. X. I would just tell you, I would tell you to go along with your boy toys to Bermuda, have fun in the sun on the beach. I got to go to the shelter. I got to work with the damaged animals that have rescued. And you know, I got to feed the horse with my mouth and the apple.

35:56 Jen Schefft What about the turtle?

35:57 Adam Feed him the same way, but I use kelp. Put kelp in my mouth. And he is so old, he has no teeth. So I have to chew the food and regurgitate it into his mouth.

36:10 Jen Schefft Yeah. Lucky turtle.

36:12 Adam Well, he was damaged by the tanker accident. I'm still cleaning parts of it. The shell has many cracks and crevices. Yeah. All right.

36:23 Jen Schefft Poor guy.

36:24 Adam Yeah. But you're getting, it's mysterious now. It is.

36:27 Jen Schefft I really need to find out more.

36:29 Adam You're getting hot. And then here's the other thing. One morning, you wake up and you look out your window. It's early, there's still mist and dew on the grass. You see me doing Tai Chi, slow movements. Tai Chi, just out in the field. Horse, the three legged horse. It's in the background.

36:50 Jen Schefft Where's the turtle?

36:51 Adam Turtle's there, but you can't be seen cause the grass is too high. I'm doing the Tai Chi and you hear the flute music.

36:58 Caller You know what I'm saying?

36:59 Adam You're hearing the flute, the recorder.

37:02 Jen Schefft It's recorder.

37:03 Jen Schefft That's mysterious, that's mysterious.

37:05 Jen Schefft Yeah.

37:05 Adam And you're like, wow.

37:05 Jen Schefft Tai Chi is mysterious.

37:06 Adam Wow.

37:07 Caller Wow.

37:08 Jen Schefft He has so many levels, so many layers.

37:12 Adam And then, you know what's cool? We go out on one date and I break into a crazy accent and a crazy language.

37:20 Caller You know what I mean?

37:20 Adam Like we go out for Vietnamese food and the guy comes by and he's like, and I'm like, no, no, no. And you're like, oh my God, he speaks Cantonese. And I don't want to talk about it. You know what I'm saying?

37:35 Jen Schefft Like I say, oh my gosh, where did you learn Cantonese?

37:41 Adam Let's just move forward.

37:43 Jen Schefft Something from your past?

37:44 Adam I can't live in the past. I'm running from it.

37:46 Jen Schefft Remember?

37:47 Jen Schefft Galloping from it.

37:48 Adam That's right. On the three-legged horse. Jennifer Schefft is here tonight. She is the Bachelorette on Monday nights, nine o'clock ABC. We're going to take a quick break. Be right back after this.

38:02 Loveline.

38:03 Okay, wait, wait.

38:05 My hair, my hair.

38:07 We'll be right back.

38:21 Adam Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline of Adam. That's Dr. Drew in God knows where. Jennifer Schefft is here tonight. She is The Bachelorette, nine o'clock ABC, Monday night. Big Valentine's show, big exotic locale, Valentine's show coming up this Monday. Is it, by the time you were done with the process, were you done? I mean, did you think, all right, I've had an ass full of this. I don't need any more of this.

38:48 Jen Schefft Yeah, I don't need to do the show ever again. Yeah.

38:52 Adam I'm done.

38:52 Jen Schefft Twice now. I don't think.

38:54 Adam But this is much more intrusive, being.

38:57 Jen Schefft Yes, it's a lot more being the one doing the choosing versus being chosen.

39:03 Adam Harder, right?

39:03 Jen Schefft It is much harder. And I think I don't think that I, I think I realized it, but not, I didn't realize the extent.

39:10 Adam Anybody you feel like, I mean, you know, may have been the one that got away?

39:15 Jen Schefft No, I think I was always pretty confident in my decisions.

39:18 Adam You knew?

39:19 Jen Schefft Yeah, I knew. I knew. I think I know pretty quickly whether or not it's going to work or not. So, no, no regrets. No regrets.

39:28 Adam Tell you what I would do, Mr. X would do, I would bring, I would bring a rose to the ceremony.

39:35 Jen Schefft Put it on yourself?

39:36 Adam I'd just bring an extra one. No, I'd do the thing where you came over to give me the rose. I'd give it a good five count before I did anything. I'd just be like, and then the single tear.

39:46 Jen Schefft I don't know.

39:47 Adam Single tear from my velvet Zorro mask. I always liked that too. It's like in the movies where the really good looking, strapping guys just wearing that stick on mask, like who is he? Who could he be? It turns out he's our faithful gardener over here, but it's like, who could he be?

40:06 Jen Schefft I think you could still tell with the mask.

40:09 Jen Schefft I don't think it's that big of a disguise.

40:11 Adam If Jimmy showed up with a Zorro mask at my house, I'd be like, Jimmy, why are you wearing that lame Zorro mask? I wouldn't be like, who is this intruder? Who is this masked man?

40:22 Jen Schefft I know. I agree.

40:23 Adam It's easy to figure out.

40:25 Jen Schefft It's very strange.

40:26 Adam Plus, you could tell if the guy was hot too. You see his chin, you see his mouth, you see his shoulders, his ass. That's right. Please.

40:34 Jen Schefft Yeah. It's not that fooling anybody.

40:36 Adam I wouldn't go. I'd go with a full sheet. You know what I mean over me? Not the Zorro mask. You know what I mean?

40:43 Jen Schefft From the beginning?

40:45 Adam Yeah.

40:46 Drew Are you like a ghost?

40:47 Jen Schefft Like from the beginning of the whole thing, you would never...

40:49 Adam I would do this. You know what I would do to you a lot? I would go, it's not about looks for me. And then I would do this one too. Every once in a while, when you try to talk, I would go, shh, shh, don't speak, shh. I would do the shush. I would shush you every once in a while.

41:04 Jen Schefft Would you give me a reason why I couldn't speak?

41:07 Caller No, shh.

41:07 Adam No. I mean now.

41:09 Caller Quiet.

41:10 Adam See how that would work?

41:13 Caller Okay. Drew?

41:16 Drew Yeah, be quiet.

41:18 Caller I want you to be quiet too.

41:21 Caller All right.

41:22 Adam Let me talk.

41:23 Caller Let me talk to Beth.

41:24 Adam Don't laugh. Don't laugh, my precious.

41:26 Caller Beth?

41:27 Caller Hi.

41:28 Caller Shh. Don't speak.

41:32 Caller I love the show, guys. It's great.

41:34 Adam Thank you, but you're ruining it by speaking.

41:37 Caller Shh.

41:40 Adam I have a damaged sea turtle and a three-legged horse. Those are my children. Those are my family. Forget about the past. This is the future. You understand? I ride that sea turtle away from my past. Frankly, at a slower speed than I'd like, not at a great clip because it's missing a flipper. We end up going in a big circle.

42:05 Caller It's tough.

42:07 Adam All right, Beth. Now I command you to speak.

42:10 Caller All right.

42:10 Caller Two questions.

42:11 Adam All right.

42:12 Caller First one's regarding my boyfriend's penis. He's 24. And we've been having sex for about five months now. And I don't know, for some reason, it doesn't work sometimes.

42:26 Drew What happens?

42:28 Caller We'll be having sex, like, in the middle of it. And his penis just goes limp. I would say, on average, like, he'll go through periods of time. Like, it won't work for a week straight. And then we'll be fine for, like, a month.

42:44 Drew How long into it before he loses the erection?

42:48 Caller Um, I would say about ten minutes.

42:51 Drew Is he, uh, he doesn't ejaculate?

42:54 Caller No.

42:55 Drew Is he wearing a condom?

42:57 Caller Yes.

42:59 Drew Does the condom bug him?

43:01 Caller He says sometimes, but we're using a different brand now.

43:04 Caller He says it's okay.

43:05 Drew He's got medication?

43:08 Caller Not that I know of.

43:10 Adam Why don't you get on some birth control?

43:13 Caller Actually, my GP took me off of it.

43:17 Drew Why?

43:19 Caller She said it might be raising my blood pressure. I'm not on it right now.

43:24 Adam Really? High blood pressure?

43:28 Caller Yeah.

43:30 Drew Are you overweight?

43:32 Caller No.

43:34 Drew High blood pressure, that's what it is.

43:35 Adam We never heard of the pill with the blood pressure thing, do we?

43:39 Drew I guess it's been reported, but that's a pretty rare thing. All right.

43:43 Adam Maybe he might need himself a little workup. Summs up. When you're a 24-year-old guy and that plumbing isn't working or it's working sort of sporadically, that means something.

43:56 Drew It can. I just wonder if they're just going at it too long and he just loses erection. And he's wearing a condom, but he's always got some...

44:03 Adam Ten minutes.

44:04 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

44:06 Caller No, no, yeah.

44:08 Drew All right.

44:09 Adam Well, what about it? What should he do?

44:11 Drew I know I agree with you. He does need a biological look. I agree. But beyond that, it's sort of... What does he say the reason is?

44:20 Caller He comes up with different reasons all the time. He definitely said, it's not me because I've been worried that it has been.

44:26 Drew How often are you having sex?

44:28 Caller Excuse me?

44:30 Drew How often are you having sex?

44:31 Caller How often? I would say every day.

44:32 Drew Yeah.

44:33 Once a day.

44:34 Drew And is he also masturbating?

44:37 Yeah, if we skip a day.

44:40 Drew Maybe back off a little bit. Give a couple days to sort of get a little head of steam going. I think that problem will go away.

44:49 Adam I'll tell you the one thing I do reveal to you, that I come from tremendous wealth and they're trying to buy my love.

44:57 Jen Schefft And you can't be bought.

45:00 Jen Schefft I can not be bought, that's the whole thing.

45:03 Adam I'm not for sale. And I told my, you know, and I knew when my father learned of the life that I chose, I would be written out of the will.

45:13 Jen Schefft But is this the past you're supposed to be keeping secret from me?

45:16 Adam Part of the past. I let little glimpses.

45:18 Jen Schefft Little glimpses here and there.

45:19 Adam Yeah. So it's one of those things where it's very, you see, the whole money part is intriguing because you know, I come from tons of money, yet I'm too proud to ever talk about it or claim it. But in a few years, there might be a payday when the old man keels over, you know? So it's intriguing to you. You know what I mean?

45:38 Jen Schefft Right. Because you're not affected by the money, but...

45:42 Adam Right. Right. And yes, you're right. I cannot be bought by my past. I'm running from, you know...

45:49 Jen Schefft Because you are your own person.

45:51 Adam That's right. That's right.

45:53 Jen Schefft With a turtle, a sea turtle, and a horse.

45:56 Adam That's right. One missing one flipper and the whole...

45:59 Jen Schefft How did you get a horse and a turtle both missing links?

46:04 Adam I was part of the Sea Shepherd program where we take animals that have been damaged by, you know, big oil companies. And I volunteer my time. And I just took a shine into this sea turtle. I was missing a flipper. It was covered with crude oil. I used to go there every week and I cleaned it with a Q-tip and some nail polish remover. It took over a year to do it. Yeah. Yeah. But you know who the lucky one was? Me. Yeah. A lot of people think the turtle was the lucky one. And the horse, I just got it at the pound. People don't know you can get horses.

46:42 I didn't know you could get a horse at the pound.

46:44 Adam They don't know. They don't know. But I would never go to one of those horse mills. I don't believe in that when there's plenty of horses that need a home. No, I'll tell you where I got the horse. I was driving on a country road and I saw an evil cowboy abusing him, like just smacking him and whipping him.

47:03 Jen Schefft I got more tears.

47:04 Adam I went right over the fence and punched a guy. Just clocked.

47:07 Drew Was he a cowboy clown?

47:08 Adam No, he wasn't a rodeo clown.

47:11 Drew No, but I mean, I thought maybe an evil clown cowboy.

47:14 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. He was. He had he had like a barrel. He was wearing a barrel with suspenders. He had huge shoes. And I got a bunch of grease makeup on me when I punched him out. But it was worth it for the horse. Yeah. All right. Jennifer thinks she's leaving, but she got one more break in her. That's what I realized. Do you have one more break in your baby doll?

47:38 Jen Schefft I do. I do.

47:39 Adam I love you. Jennifer Schefft is here. She is The Bachelorette. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

47:55 Drew Call the Dateline.

47:57 1-800-CALL-LA-FINE.

47:58 Caller LOVE-191.

48:00 Call, call.

48:01 Call-la-fine.

48:18 Adam Yeah, it's Love Line. That's what I'm saying. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. Yeah. Jennifer Schaft here tonight. She is The Bachelorette, Monday night, 9 o'clock, ABC. Big Valentine special coming up on Monday. Three exotic locales, three men, so-called men, not the X-Men.

48:45 Drew And one Mr. X.

48:46 Adam One Mr. X. And then, so that's this Monday. And it's going to get narrowed down to two at the end of this Monday, Valentine's Day.

48:56 Jen Schefft Yes.

48:56 Adam Now we're at two. And then what?

48:59 Jen Schefft And then there is the Reunion Show, which is the men tell all show where they get 23 guys, not the final two, but the 23. Other men get together and talk about the show and me and the stuff that they did. And then the final show is on February 28th. It's the finale.

49:19 Adam And that is then, yeah, the Reunion Show then. So it's two weeks from Monday.

49:24 Jen Schefft This is the finale.

49:26 Adam And are there now to see if guys did this for the most part or when guys do this, I imagine they just sort of keep the most attractive women, provided they're not just crazy psycho bitches. You know what I mean? They just go from least attractive to most attractive. And that's who makes the cut. But I imagine as a woman, there are some guys you cut that may have physically been more attractive than some of the other guys.

49:53 Jen Schefft That is very true. Because, I mean, somebody could be really great looking, but then you talk to them for a minute and you just can't even carry on a conversation. So, so, yeah, I definitely agree that. But I think the three men that I have remaining are very good looking.

50:07 Jen Schefft Yes.

50:07 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

50:08 Jen Schefft Yeah.

50:09 Adam Yeah.

50:09 Jen Schefft Especially Mr. X.

50:11 Drew Well, you know, Mr. X transcends appearance.

50:14 Adam That's right. He's a deity. Mr. X is like, you know, the reason. Yeah. You know, I explained to you that the reason I spend so much time with the sea turtle and with my three-legged horse is because I feel sometimes like everyone wants something from me. You know what I mean?

50:36 Jen Schefft Everyone's pulling me.

50:37 Adam But they're pulling me in so many different directions. You know, my dad, he wants me to come. He wants me to work at the firm. Because, you know, I do have a law degree. I will let that go. I do.

50:48 Jen Schefft And I'm a doctor.

50:51 Adam I'm a physician. I'm a cardiologist. I'm 40.

50:55 Jen Schefft Okay.

50:55 Adam Yeah. I'm a cardiologist. I'm successful. Renowned. But I walked away. I walked away.

51:02 Jen Schefft You can't be bought.

51:03 Adam You don't need it. Yeah, I can't be bought. So my dad wants me to go to the firm, but that's my whole thing. I'm not a, you know, I'm not a tie guy. I can't, I'm not a button down world. I like wearing a collar, but I like rolling up my sleeves. That gets you going. That's intriguing. I'm going to work with my hands. At the end of the day, I got to look in the mirror. You know what I'm saying?

51:23 Drew Oh, and then think of all, all you could, you could show her about home improvement.

51:27 Adam No, my God. Yes. Oh, yes.

51:29 Drew She's into that. I know.

51:30 Adam Are you into home improvement?

51:31 Jen Schefft I am.

51:31 Adam Oh, really?

51:32 Drew I'll tell you.

51:33 Jen Schefft Yes.

51:34 Drew You're in, dude.

51:35 Adam Oh, boy.

51:35 Jen Schefft Oof.

51:36 Drew Boy, that's it.

51:37 Jen Schefft Inching your way up.

51:38 Adam Shirts off, tool bags on, muscles glistening in the sun. You just, you're waken every morning by the noise of a hammer. Just, what is that? What's he up to now? He's up on the roof.

51:51 Caller Yeah, don't tell him.

51:53 Adam And I could even do it from the roof. You know, I could shush you from like 30 feet. You're like, what are you doing?

51:59 Caller Shush, shush, shush.

52:03 Adam You're like, huh?

52:05 Caller Shush, shush, don't talk.

52:07 Adam And you're like, what?

52:09 Caller You're like, shut up.

52:13 Adam And I'm up on the roof. Here's it, here's it. It alternates. Every morning, here's it. You're woken one morning by the sound of a hammer striking a nail. Next morning, it's the smell of Canadian bacon coming from the kitchen. Oh, something I whipped up. Yeah, that's what Mr. X does.

52:32 Jen Schefft That's great.

52:33 Put the gas again.

52:34 Adam I love that.

52:35 Jen Schefft I love that.

52:37 Caller Sarah?

52:39 Yeah?

52:40 Adam You're 19?

52:41 Caller Yes, I am.

52:43 Adam But I don't eat meat myself.

52:44 Jen Schefft Because of the animals.

52:46 Adam Yeah, because of Barney the Turtle. Jericho, my three-legged horse.

52:56 Jen Schefft Now I know his name. What's the Turtle's name?

52:58 Adam Barney.

52:59 Jen Schefft Barney. OK.

53:00 Adam Jericho is the horse. And I haven't told anybody. Nobody knows that. Don't talk.

53:05 Jen Schefft Oh, be quiet.

53:07 Adam Don't even say be quiet. No talk. Sarah?

53:11 Caller Yeah.

53:11 Adam You're 19?

53:13 Caller Yes, I am.

53:14 Adam What's up?

53:17 Caller Well, I'm dating a guy who's a little bit older than me. And we've only been dating for like seven months now. And I really am in love with him. And he's in love with me and whatever.

53:31 Caller All that good stuff.

53:32 Caller And I want to have sex with him. And he is not a virgin, but I am. And he doesn't want to have sex with me yet because I'm not really sure why. Because well, basically someday in the future, distant future, mind you, he wants to marry me. And he'd like me to be a virgin when he marries me. But I don't really want that.

53:57 Adam Is he a religious guy?

53:58 Caller No, no, not at all. Actually, he's just...

54:01 Adam All right, hold on, hold on. We got to talk about him behind your back. Listen, when you're religious and you have these kinds of beliefs, that just means you're sort of quasi-retarded and sort of stupid and believe in the fairy tale stuff. And that's fine. But at least you have an excuse. When you're this kind of guy minus the religion, now it's creepy. Now you're just controlling, it's vengali type. It's weird, right?

54:25 Drew Well, it makes me wonder if he's really that into her. Sometimes when a guy is not willing to sort of step up to take the virginity, sometimes it means, I don't want to be that guy. I'm not really into her. I don't want to take that responsibility. I don't want her to get too attached to me. But then he gives the BS on the other side of that Mr. X. He gives you this business about, oh, well, I want to wait till you get married. Oh, that's just cool if in fact he's not that into her.

54:51 Adam Mm. Sarah?

54:56 Caller Yeah.

54:58 Adam Do you think he may possibly just be using this as an excuse not to have to create that bond with you?

55:06 Caller No, I don't think that.

55:08 Adam You don't? He's truly in love.

55:10 Caller I believe so, yes.

55:13 Adam What have you guys done physically?

55:17 Caller Basically, everything but sex, but the thing is that, like, he feels really, really horrible because I can give him an orgasm and he can't give me one, because I've never had one, and I don't enjoy masturbating and I don't enjoy oral sex, getting oral sex.

55:36 Adam Oh, you don't? Do you have a sister? Yeah.

55:42 Caller And so, and he wants to give me oral sex because he wants me to be satisfied, but I don't really enjoy it, and so.

55:50 Adam Well, wait a minute. You don't enjoy it because you're uncomfortable or you don't enjoy it because, you know, it's like it tickles or you're sensitive or something?

55:58 Jen Schefft Right.

55:59 Caller I think it mostly has to do with uncomfortable.

56:02 Drew Or like it's too intimate, you know, if you can't relax?

56:06 Caller Yeah, kind of.

56:08 Jen Schefft But then how can you have sex with him if you can't, you know, that's intimate as well?

56:14 Caller I mean, yeah, but. But it's just something about oral sex that just really bothers me somehow.

56:23 Adam All right. Something's something's going on. And by the way, my velvet Zoro mask, that's the only thing that comes off for oral sex.

56:32 Yeah.

56:32 Adam When you see the velvet, when you see me reached on time, that's the the XTC train is leaving the station.

56:38 Yeah.

56:39 Adam Yeah. Yeah, it is. No, it is. No, it is. Sarah, anything we need to know about something weird, somebody do something to you out of control, molestation, any, any of that stuff?

56:55 Caller Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't really remember most of my childhood. But I do remember when I was like five or six, my older brother and sister showed me a lesbian porno and they had me take pornographic pictures of them. But I was most positive that I was never touched or never sexually abused physically.

57:15 Drew That needn't be. I mean, that's strange.

57:19 Adam Yeah. Well, it also speaks of the family that you're living in the same room.

57:26 Caller That was my first stepfather. So him and his family is out of the picture now. That was just for a short period of time when my mom was married to him.

57:36 Adam This is creepy stepdad and stepkids?

57:40 Caller Yeah, kind of.

57:41 Adam All right. That's kind of weird.

57:42 Caller They're gone now.

57:44 Adam I know they're gone now, but it's like saying the fire that burned 80% of my body is out now. Yeah. It's like, yeah, you still got scars all over you though.

57:53 Drew Absolutely.

57:54 Adam I don't know what, I mean, I don't know what else went on, but it seems like there's something going on with you, Sarah. All right, so here's the thing. We believe you when you say this guy loves you, you got some intimacy issues, you guys are nowhere near ready to get married. I think you guys, if you're 19 and he's, I don't know, how old is he?

58:18 Caller He's 20.

58:20 Adam How old, goofball?

58:22 Caller 22.

58:23 Adam All right. You can't say 20s. Yeah, I know. Thank you for that 10-year span, you retard. All right, just grow up and talk to him, would you? In his 20s, how dare you? Everyone wonders why I hate them. Yeah, the mask, just for the oral. And then it's right back on. And you never get a look at me, because your eyes roll the back of your head, back arch, you're staring, you're actually staring at the headboard, inverted, even though you're on your back, you know, it's like, yeah, all the way back like that. And then, and then immediately, you know, once you regain your composure, and that's left for a little while, it's back on. It's back on.

59:04 Drew It's like, how about when you're receiving Mr. X?

59:07 Adam I leave it on for receiving, and that's, that's where I really shine. Drew, tell her, tell her.

59:13 Drew He's world-class receiving oral sex, like no one, like no one else. There's no one that receives, like Mr. X, nobody.

59:21 Adam A lot of guys, a lot of guys brag about what they can do to a lady. What about what I'll let a lady do to me? You know what I'm saying?

59:28 Drew Oh, yes.

59:29 Jen Schefft That takes, that takes a certain thing.

59:31 Jen Schefft And we know it is one lucky woman.

59:32 Adam Yeah.

59:32 Jen Schefft Or a number of women, right?

59:34 Adam Could be, could be.

59:36 Drew He'll never let you know.

59:38 Adam Yeah. You never know. But you'll feel like you're the first and the only. I'll tell you that right now. But seriously, a lot of guys brag like, oh boy, I'll rock your world. I'll do things so you never, forget about that. My thing is like, I will let you do things to me that you've never done to a man before. And nobody receives like I do. Nobody.

59:59 Jen Schefft Show her. Show her Mr. Hark.

1:00:00 Adam Just give her a glimpse. It's just shot like might be super good.

1:00:03 Jen Schefft Give her a taste.

1:00:05 Adam Yeah.

1:00:06 Caller Oh my God.

1:00:08 Jen Schefft You've got me.

1:00:09 Adam Yeah. Every once in a while I'll do a, oh yeah.

1:00:13 Drew Now think of Jericho. Jen, think of Jericho.

1:00:18 Adam Think of my horse with three legs.

1:00:20 Jen Schefft Barney.

1:00:21 Adam Barney. Still got a little of that 30 weight crude on him. Yeah.

1:00:27 Jen Schefft This is what will come off.

1:00:28 Adam Wow. No. And I think that's sort of, that's sort of life. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like those memories I'm running from. No, no amount of turpentine could ever scrub those memories away.

1:00:39 Caller No way.

1:00:39 Adam Wow.

1:00:40 Drew Like Barney's shell.

1:00:42 Adam Like Barney's shell. Still going to have a little, little faint oil residue on there.

1:00:46 Caller You're kind of like the turtle with the hard shell.

1:00:49 Adam Hard exterior, gooey soft inside, nougatty inside.

1:00:53 Drew And no amount of turpentine will clean it up.

1:00:55 Adam That's right. Wow. Yeah. It's deep. Powerful. Have a, Jen?

1:00:59 Caller Yeah.

1:01:00 Adam You're 19?

1:01:02 Caller Yes, I am.

1:01:03 Adam What's up, baby doll? Sorry for keeping you on hold for 98 minutes.

1:01:07 Caller Yeah. Well, you're just lucky that my phone does turn off at like 7 o'clock at night.

1:01:12 Adam Oh, really? You got, what do you got? Cell phone?

1:01:15 Caller Unlimited nights at like 7.

1:01:17 Adam Oh, all right. What's your question?

1:01:20 Caller Okay. Well, my boyfriend was doing math during the last part. Well, not the last part, but he was doing math and the sex is awesome. He went to rehab and when he got out, we hooked up again and he just wasn't as hard and he didn't go as long. Is that just because of the jug and so is there anything else that he can take?

1:01:45 Drew Is he on medication now?

1:01:48 Caller Maybe something like bipolar disorder, but not really.

1:01:52 Drew Well, that's a very powerful medicine.

1:01:55 Adam I mean, it's pretty.

1:01:56 Drew Yeah. Those are very powerful medicines and when people come off methamphetamine, they can be depressed. He's bipolar, he's on bipolar meds that can affect erectile function and the libido. So he needs to get things stabilized. He needs to talk to his doctor about the medication.

1:02:08 Adam Your concern is touching, though, by the way.

1:02:10 Drew Yeah, yeah. Your priorities are in all the right places.

1:02:13 Adam It's refreshing. You know, you know, Drew, Jennifer, just when you look at this world and you say, what are young people thinking? What are we leaving this to? What are they going to inherit? And then someone like Jen calls in and says, my boyfriends is dork, is limp, because he's off the trucker's speed. And it really snaps it back into focus. And you really, really realize there's a lot of good, there's a lot of good out there.

1:02:41 Jen Schefft There's a lot of good people out there.

1:02:42 Adam You know, we only hear from the troubled ones, but then someone like Jen calls up. It's like, yeah, he ain't giving to me right, because he's fresh out of rehab.

1:02:53 Drew Jen, are you doing speed two or something?

1:02:55 Caller What was that?

1:02:56 Drew Are you doing drugs too?

1:02:58 Caller No, I was done as soon as he was done. I was like, oh, no way.

1:03:03 Drew You know the speed damages brain, right?

1:03:06 Caller Yeah.

1:03:07 Drew Yeah, it causes brain damage, it causes destruction of mood center, memory problems. It's a very dangerous drug. Let's support his recovery, okay?

1:03:15 Caller Okay.

1:03:16 Adam All right there, sweetie. It doesn't seem like you're in this for the long haul.

1:03:22 Caller Oh, he was in rehab for like eight months. He just now got out and I'm still planning a trip to go visit him.

1:03:30 Adam Okay.

1:03:30 Caller Like I love him regardless, you know, but you know, is there anything to help out?

1:03:36 Drew Well, it's the best. Yes, you can go to Al-Anon.

1:03:38 Adam Yeah, all right.

1:03:40 Drew You will help him by going to a codependency recovery program.

1:03:43 Adam All right, I don't think she's gonna do that. Jen, he lives in a different state. Where is he?

1:03:50 Caller He is in California now.

1:03:53 Adam And you're in Colorado?

1:03:56 Caller For now.

1:03:57 Adam For now. And are you planning on moving to California?

1:04:01 Caller Yeah, actually.

1:04:03 Adam Please, really? Can't he just come out to Colorado? I got one more idiot who doesn't know it's legal to turn right on a red when the intersection is clear. I got one more you idiots out here. I got to sit behind.

1:04:16 Caller Yeah.

1:04:17 Adam All right. Please promise me. Here's the thing. Anybody coming to California, especially Los Angeles, would you please promise me you'll shake your ass when you get behind the goddamn wheel of your car? I'm so tired of you guys dragging your asses all over this goddamn town. Hey, look, look, it's a Bill Cosby star on the walk. Go, go!

1:04:37 Caller I'm going to work.

1:04:39 Adam I live here. I hate it. Please move, people. That's what I'd like. Let's put people in the driving simulator and see if they can pick up the pace just a little bit before we let them into this city of ours. Because I've realized this city is made up of the a-holes and the ass-draggers from across the country and across the world. Like, here's the deal. You gotta be, you have to be super narcissistic and you have to drag your ass or we won't let you into our town. That's really what, that seems to be the edict that has been passed down. And then you get on the road and everyone is like, it's because here's what it is. It's a combination of, I'm gonna drive really slow cause I'm a wuss mixed with, I didn't grow up here so I'm not sure where I'm going, mixed with none of you exist. There's no, I don't even know why this car is a rear view mirror. What's this here for? I guess I can do my nails. I can fix my hair with it. But nobody seems to acknowledge anyone else's existence in this town. So it's like all day long there's people like, oh yeah, I'm supposed to turn left here. I'm in the right lane. I'm just gonna wedge myself halfway across the intersection, come to stop. And all you invisible people, you can just wait because I screwed up. I was supposed to turn left here and I thought I was going right. But since I can't circle around the block because I F'ed up, you guys can all wait because I'm the head A-hole from the town I'm from. You see? This is the kind of, and by the way, you know what Los Angeles is treated like? I just realized it's treated like a bathroom in an airport, which is, this ain't my city. This ain't my bathroom. I'm going to take a dump. I ain't going to flush the toilet. I could take a whiz in the sink and then I'm on a plane and I'm out of here. LA, and it's all Los Angeles is, you know it around the Superbowl is like, oh, everyone's a Pats fan. Oh, man, big Pats fan, big Pittsburgh fan, big Philly fan. Everyone's a big fan of everywhere except for the place they live. And all they want to talk about is the town they're from. And if they were in their beloved town, they would never think about throwing that burger wrapper on the ground or driving like that or doing anything. But this isn't their town. But the problem is, is they've been here for 14 years and they're never going to leave.

1:07:06 Jen Schefft But it's not that you have to worry about it.

1:07:08 Adam Oh, oh, please, people, could we drive in this town?

1:07:13 Caller Could we move?

1:07:16 Adam I drive. I work. I work in Hollywood. I got to go vine. I got to go vine every day. And it's like the signal's changing. There's two idiots and they're both going 28 miles an hour. And I'm like, let's go. Let's go. And by the way, you two know each other that you can just drive right next to each other. And is it what about this? You're going back to Chicago. Good. There's a town.

1:07:39 Jen Schefft That's it.

1:07:40 Adam Go there. People drive. People honk a horn when you don't move.

1:07:44 Jen Schefft Absolutely.

1:07:44 Adam Nobody honks in this city. Nobody drives. And when is the last time you drove next to a car with nothing but hundreds of yards of open real estate in front of you and you're just puttering along next to it like what do you guys think you're driving the pace car at the Indy 500? Get the hell out of the way. What is that thing where you have to leave the 200 foot buffer zone between you and the rear bumper of the car in front of you during rush hour traffic?

1:08:13 Jen Schefft I have no idea. I would be very upset by that, too. You would. I would. I would hate that.

1:08:18 Adam People in LA., horrible people, right?

1:08:20 Jen Schefft Yeah.

1:08:21 Adam Horrible drivers. A weird mixed grab bag of effed up ethnicities who can't drive, mixed with the head a-holes from the rest of the country. So here's what we get. All right. Here's what we have. We have the top 5 percent of a-holes from the rest of the country and sometimes the world. We have the whacked out ethnicities that were actually riding like llamas and mules and things. Only moments. Like the people that came here took a donkey to the airport, you understand? And then flew here. But their last thing they're on were like a donkey or an emu or something. They don't even know what the hell to do with a car. Now they're uninsured and they're freaked out and they don't have papers so they don't want to get pulled over or anything. And they're just completely out of it. I mean, have you seen more space cases than LA.? Just people that were just gone, just out of it. They have no idea when you're behind them. You get on the freeway.

1:09:19 Jen Schefft I have to admit that I probably am really one of those awful drivers in LA though because I can't, I don't know where I'm going.

1:09:26 Caller Don't talk.

1:09:28 Adam Yeah. You know, that's what it is too.

1:09:30 Jen Schefft No, no, I have to, I'm one of those people that you hate.

1:09:33 Adam Nobody knows.

1:09:33 Drew But I think, I think you're probably aware of what somebody's driving behind you and what somebody's driving behind you.

1:09:37 Jen Schefft I don't stay, I don't drive directly next to someone and...

1:09:42 Adam How about you're on the freeway and it's at night and you're going 46 miles an hour and then left lane.

1:09:47 Jen Schefft Yeah, I wouldn't do that either.

1:09:48 Adam And you got some guy with the Xenon headlights who's four feet behind you and it doesn't register. Now, now I'm going to go 46 on the fast lane. You would move over, right?

1:09:57 Jen Schefft I would move over, yes. I wouldn't be driving 46 though either.

1:10:00 Adam That's right. You would be moving, right?

1:10:02 Jen Schefft I would be moving. Okay, I guess I'm not that. All right.

1:10:04 Adam How about we reestablish that fast lane?

1:10:06 Jen Schefft Okay.

1:10:07 Adam How about we get that going, huh?

1:10:09 Jen Schefft I'm into that.

1:10:10 Adam How about we get the town moving? How about that?

1:10:12 Jen Schefft How do we do that?

1:10:14 Adam I want to know how we... Oh, I got plans. You're not going to be able to hear it because you have to leave.

1:10:18 Jen Schefft I have to go.

1:10:18 Adam But you can get in your car.

1:10:20 Jen Schefft I'll get in my car and turn on the radio.

1:10:21 Adam Turn on the radio and you can drive. People in this town, they drive like those robot vacuum cleaners. They just keep going, bump into something and then they change direction. So you can try to find your way back to the hotel and you can hear my answer about this.

1:10:38 Drew You've been fascinated by those robots lately, Adam.

1:10:40 Adam I really am. I really want to get one of those.

1:10:43 Drew You don't have one?

1:10:44 Adam No, I don't have one because I know they don't work. Oh, they do work. They don't. Do you have one of those?

1:10:50 Drew I mean, they're not great. Yeah, they're not great, but they'll keep things clean.

1:10:53 Adam Here's my feeling with that robot vacuum cleaner. It starts off okay, everything's going good, and then I come home one night, it's on top of my wife. Oh, you know what I mean?

1:11:04 Drew That does happen, yeah.

1:11:05 Adam Yeah, artificial intelligence, it's taken over. You know what I mean? Yeah?

1:11:11 Drew Yeah.

1:11:11 Caller Okay. Sure. All right.

1:11:13 Adam All right. You know the key to those things not taking over? I've seen enough movies with the robot-y kind of things taking over. When you build them, you can't make them look like they have a face at all. You can't put the two red lights, so it looks like their eyes when they light up and it looks like they're staring at you. Yeah, don't do it that way. That's the mistake people make when these things sort of get smart and try to get you is they end up looking like a face. They have the red things for the eyes. Yeah, you don't want to do that.

1:11:43 Jen Schefft What do you do?

1:11:44 Adam Make it look like a turtle. That's what you should do.

1:11:47 Jen Schefft Yes.

1:11:47 Jen Schefft Yeah.

1:11:48 Jen Schefft And that's a great idea.

1:11:49 Adam Yeah. Barney and...

1:11:51 Jen Schefft Jericho.

1:11:52 Adam Jericho.

1:11:52 Caller That's right.

1:11:54 Adam I know the horse's name is just hard to talk about. That's all. He has one. He's missing a leg. But you know what? When I get him shooed, I get full price. Full price. I was like, what?

1:12:10 Jen Schefft I never even thought of that.

1:12:11 Adam You know, it's only got three shoes. I'm like, I'm sorry.

1:12:14 Jen Schefft You should get at least a 25% discount.

1:12:16 Adam That's what I'm saying. But you know what? It's not about money. Not with Jericho.

1:12:20 Jen Schefft No, you can't be bought either.

1:12:21 Jen Schefft Not with Jericho.

1:12:22 Adam I can't. He can't either. That's right. All right, Jennifer, God bless you. You stayed an extra break. The Bachelorette, I should say Monday nights on ABC. Got the big Valentine special coming up at nine o'clock this Monday. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:12:55 Caller Yeah!

1:12:57 Adam Get it on!

1:12:59 Drew Yeah, break it down.

1:13:01 Adam Break it down and get it on. It's Loveline, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Let me have a little Saw plug here. DVD, the Saw DVD. Scary, scary stuff coming out on the 15th of February. And let me just tell you this, Drew, every puzzle has its pieces. You aware of that?

1:13:25 Drew Are you being Mr. X again?

1:13:26 Adam No, I'm just telling you, that's the deal. That's the thing with Saw. Every puzzle has its pieces. This is a scary, scary movie. And I'll tell you what, if you're 18 and you get on this program, you will not only win yourself this Saw DVD, but you will go ahead and qualify to go to England, to blood stock. Yeah, you may never come out. You may never come back. Yeah, I'll just, I'll just notify Next of Kin after you go to blood stock. They'll bury you. They'll bury you in England. Never come back to American soil. But you'll be rocked. That's the whole thing. Kyle? You're 15?

1:14:12 Caller Yep.

1:14:13 Adam What's up, buddy?

1:14:14 I got Germany or Florida.

1:14:16 Adam Fantabulous. Go ahead.

1:14:19 Caller I'm a drunken man who walks into a flea market and buys a hand grenade.

1:14:22 Caller When he gets home, he argues with his friends whether it's real or not. So he pulls the plug and throws it out the window.

1:14:29 Jen Schefft It explodes and no one's hurt.

1:14:33 Adam He's drunk.

1:14:33 Drew That sounds German.

1:14:34 Adam It sounds German, too.

1:14:36 Yeah.

1:14:37 Drew Where could you buy a loaded grenade in this country that somebody wouldn't absolutely freak out about it, you know?

1:14:42 Adam Well, you know, it's a lot of stuff, a lot of surplus stuff. Stuff flies under the radar. And the Germans, they got those grenades. They're on a stick.

1:14:53 Drew Yes.

1:14:53 Adam They throw them like a stick. They chuck them like an ice cream cone, you know? Yeah. It's kind of cool. We just got the grenade. Well, you know, ours is just a regular fragment style. All right. Germany. Germany. You're going to Germany. I'm going to Germany, too.

1:15:08 All right.

1:15:09 Adam Germany, Kyle.

1:15:11 Caller Yep.

1:15:12 Caller Yeah.

1:15:13 Adam Thanks, buddy. 82 minutes on hold for that.

1:15:16 Caller Yeah.

1:15:17 Adam Thanks, brother man.

1:15:19 Caller Okay.

1:15:19 Adam All right. Take care of yourself.

1:15:21 Caller Wow.

1:15:22 Adam Drew, we're on a roll.

1:15:24 Drew Yeah, we're doing well.

1:15:26 Adam Yeah, we got out of the blocks. You know, we got out of the gate a little rough.

1:15:33 Drew A little screech. A little downturns here and there.

1:15:36 Adam A little hitch in our giddy up, but now we're back. And I would venture to say stronger than ever.

1:15:43 Drew We've not done any Ranchero count that a while either.

1:15:48 Adam Engineer Michelle is the one responsible for bringing in the beautiful, fantastic Ranchero music. She's going to her little mobile DJ booth and pulling herself out some Ranchero music. Yeah, we'll get that queued up. I'm going to take one call. And then it's time for Ace's Mexican Ranchero accordion countdown. Lance?

1:16:14 Caller Yup. Yes.

1:16:17 Adam What's up?

1:16:19 Caller Well, I'm interested in getting a vasectomy. And I heard that I might have a hard time getting a doctor to give me one.

1:16:30 Drew You're kind of young to get it. What's the urgency?

1:16:33 Caller Well, I am not interested in having kids. And I'm having a lot of problems with condoms.

1:16:44 Drew Well, you know, a lot of things can change as you sort of mature in age. You're twenty-two. It's hard to make a life commitment, you know, to commit yourself to never having kids at twenty-two. Adam was committed thoroughly to being an astronaut pirate.

1:16:57 Caller I know.

1:16:58 Drew By fifteen.

1:16:59 Adam Yeah, yeah. Hold on. Pirate astronaut.

1:17:02 Drew Pirate astronaut, I beg your pardon.

1:17:04 Adam You're right.

1:17:04 Drew You're right.

1:17:05 Adam Yeah.

1:17:06 Drew You're right. Well, what are you going to do? Yeah.

1:17:09 Adam I'm still clinging to it. Well, look, here's the thing. I don't understand why doctors won't perform this if, you know, you say, and I know they won't, but I just don't understand it. You know, my whole thing would be like, look, I don't want kids. Give me the piece of paper. I'll sign the piece of paper. And that's what's that's what the problem with this country is, is people say, look, I'd like to do something. The person says, OK, well, I'm not going to do it until you sign this piece of paper that states you have agreed to the procedure. You then sign that piece of paper. And then later on, when you change your mind, you get to sue the doctor anyway. Right. Well, what's the piece of paper for? I don't understand how this country works. I mean, you want to do something, sign the piece of paper saying this is what you want to do and you won't sue him if you change your mind, then he does the procedure. Done and done. And the other thing is, can't you take some of your sperm and freeze it or store it or do something with it?

1:18:12 Drew Yeah. But that's not a sure thing. But I'm sure there's there ways to preserve stuff. Yeah. Also, there was like a sperm bank does it.

1:18:20 Adam The procedure is reversible. Oftentimes, do they have a procedure that is just more reversible than other forms of procedures? They do.

1:18:30 Drew But they're also. Yeah. But they tend to be less reliable also.

1:18:33 Adam Right.

1:18:34 Drew So.

1:18:34 Adam Right. I would just. Yeah. I would. I don't know. Then you got the sperm freeze thing and then they charge you. Right. You have to charge like it's like a locker at the airport. Yeah.

1:18:49 Caller Well, we got that freezing place here in Scottsdale where Ted Williams head is.

1:18:55 Drew Really?

1:18:56 Adam All right. We'll go down there, say hi to Ted and beat off. Perhaps you can use him as motivation.

1:19:03 Drew Oh my God.

1:19:05 Caller What if in eight or 10 years if I want to reverse it, what's the likelihood?

1:19:10 Drew Not that likely. That would not count on that. No.

1:19:13 Adam Really?

1:19:14 Drew It's not something you can count on. You can try, but it's not something you should count on.

1:19:19 Adam We should count on it, but it's still likely they could do it.

1:19:24 Drew There's no completely reversible procedure as far as I know.

1:19:27 Adam All right. Well, look, it merits more investigation. If you even have to ask the question, well, what if in eight or ten years, maybe you're not a good candidate for the procedure?

1:19:37 Drew Then they'd say don't do it. Exactly.

1:19:39 Adam But I would look into storing it in Ted Williams' head. Or I'm not sure what his plan was with that. I wasn't listening. The point is, I would go ahead and try to store some of that, and then go ahead and get the procedure. Drew.

1:19:56 Caller Yeah.

1:19:57 Adam What about just a freezer you have at your house? I know it sounds cockamamie, but, eh?

1:20:03 Drew No, it's got to be liquid nitrogen.

1:20:05 Adam Liquid nitrogen?

1:20:06 Drew Yeah, very cold. Yeah, yeah. All right.

1:20:10 Adam Engineer Michelle, what do you got?

1:20:12 Drew We're all ready.

1:20:13 Adam You got some range-over music?

1:20:14 Drew Oh yeah, we're all ready.

1:20:15 Adam All right, Drew. We'll just play amongst ourselves. Maybe I'll bring somebody on and see if they want to play along with us. John, I got Meredith. Meredith sounds like a delight. Meredith?

1:20:27 Caller Hello.

1:20:28 Adam Hello, Meredith. Hi. Hi, this is a rare treat indeed for you because you've been invited to play along in Ace's Mexican Ranchero accordion countdown, okay?

1:20:41 Caller Well, I'm honored.

1:20:42 Adam I figured you would be.

1:20:43 Drew She sounds very excited.

1:20:45 Adam You tell us how many seconds until we hear the accordion music after engineers Michelle fires up the random Ranchero song in a random spot of the song.

1:20:57 Caller I'm going to go with two seconds.

1:20:59 Adam Two seconds. Shrewd. Shrewd. Savvy.

1:21:03 Caller I know my Ranchero music, you know.

1:21:04 Adam No kidding. And, Drew, what do I got for you?

1:21:08 Drew Two seconds.

1:21:09 Adam She said two seconds, you idiot.

1:21:11 Drew Oh, she said two, I thought she said three. Three seconds.

1:21:13 Adam Three seconds. That's a puss move, by the way, going one second more than the chick.

1:21:19 Drew It's good. It's going to be all right. Four seconds.

1:21:22 Adam No, no.

1:21:22 Drew It's going to be right around there.

1:21:24 Adam Let the baby have his bottle. You do three seconds. The man is going to do six. Yeah, I'm feeling it. All right. Ready?

1:21:33 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:21:34 Adam And five, four, three, two, one.

1:21:44 Drew There, three.

1:21:46 Adam It was two and a half or three?

1:21:48 Drew Three, three.

1:21:50 Adam I'm telling you, I'm telling you, it was between two and three. Wait, don't ruin the song by talking over it, Drew. Turn it up a little bit, Sean.

1:22:00 Drew You're right, quiet, quiet.

1:22:01 Adam Yeah, it's on its high. It never gets old. It's such beautiful, melodic music. And you know what it is, it's really... I don't know what he's saying, but... Any wonder this country has no space program. Four years after we got ourselves the ground. Any wonder. Anyone. This music rots your brain. You listen to this, you listen to this in like 45 minutes, you can't tie your shoes. It's made to annoy. This is what you would play, like, here's what I was like, turn this down, I'm going to poke my eyes.

1:22:51 Caller And destroy.

1:22:52 Adam Here's the thing. Here's what it is. Right. If you were in a competition with somebody and you were both forced to take a IQ test or an SAT or an LSAT or something, and you could choose one particular brand of music to play that you hope would hurt, damage their chances to score higher than you, wouldn't it be this? Would there be any question? No. No. All right. I'm saying someone's got to pump a little classical into that country and see if we can get them on their feet. Go ahead, Meredith. Okay.

1:23:28 Caller So you're ready for my question then?

1:23:30 Adam Yes.

1:23:32 Caller So my question is...

1:23:34 Adam And by the way, I'm calling that a tie. I'm sorry, but I was looking at the clock and that was between two and three seconds.

1:23:41 Caller I think you should round down. I mean, that's just my opinion.

1:23:44 Drew You got to remember, I was picking two or three.

1:23:47 Adam Well, Drew's argument is he couldn't take two. He would have gladly taken two numbers. All right. Go ahead, Meredith.

1:23:57 Caller Okay. So basically, my question is that I had an experience where I was sexually assaulted about a year ago and I am away at school. So I was back home at Christmas and I finally told my parents about it and they were like, one of the first things they said was, you know, maybe you should tell your younger sisters about this, like it might teach them something. And they were 13 and 15. And other than the fact that I was kind of like, okay, you could hug me or something. But I just, I didn't really know how I felt about that. And I said, well, you can tell them, but I just didn't really know first of all. I mean, I'm sure it was-

1:24:44 Adam All right, hold on, hold on, hold on. What happened? Well, possibly rightfully so.

1:24:52 Drew Yeah, yeah, but then resentful on top of that. That's like, I'm not going to tell my sisters who I'm already jealous of.

1:24:58 Adam Well, wait a minute. I could see that being traumatizing.

1:25:03 Drew Well, traumatizing. It's not what she was hoping for, certainly.

1:25:07 Adam True, true.

1:25:08 Caller Shh, shh, don't talk, don't talk, okay?

1:25:12 Adam Just look the way you look, but don't talk. All right, Meredith, what happened with the sexual assault? What were the circumstances surrounding it?

1:25:21 Caller Well, actually, I get this feeling it's not a very normal thing, but I work at a place where there are a lot of regulars and someone new started coming around and then started waiting for me after work and showed up. So it was a stranger basically.

1:25:42 Adam So you work at a restaurant or bar or something like that?

1:25:46 Caller Actually, I don't work there anymore. I worked at a newsstand.

1:25:52 Adam You worked at a newsstand? All right.

1:25:54 Drew Where this happened?

1:25:56 Adam What happened? Pardon?

1:26:00 Caller Well, I already said, I don't know, I kind of have problems with the rape word. I don't know why, just because maybe it makes it more real or something, but basically that's what happened.

1:26:11 Adam So he waited for you to get off of work at the newsstand?

1:26:16 Drew And then when he held you at a weapon or something?

1:26:19 Caller No. Well, basically, I mean, he kind of just started like, at first, you know, he seemed normal, but I guess maybe I didn't use very good judgment. And then, I don't know, I'd sort of be like walking the direction of home, and then I'd have to go really long routes because I'd be like, okay, well, yeah, I'm going to go home now. But basically, he just, I don't know, and I guess he just kept following me, and he figured out where I lived because I don't live too far from where I just walked home. And then, he showed up one day, like I got out of the shower, and he was in my room. And I was the only one in my house.

1:26:59 Adam You like rent a house at school?

1:27:02 Caller Yeah.

1:27:02 Adam So you got out of the shower and he's there?

1:27:05 Caller Yeah.

1:27:06 Adam And then what?

1:27:08 Caller And then, I was like, well, what are you doing here? And I asked him to leave. And I said, this is really weird, and you're freaking me out, and I'd really like you to leave.

1:27:21 Caller And he wouldn't leave.

1:27:22 Caller And then, he basically forced himself on me.

1:27:26 Drew Oh my God.

1:27:27 Adam And what time of day was this?

1:27:30 Caller It was night, actually. So, I mean, I'd even had like a couple friends over earlier, and then they left. And I was like, man, I wish they hadn't left. But I don't know, maybe that means he was waiting for them to leave. I don't know.

1:27:45 Adam Do you live alone?

1:27:47 Caller No, I don't, actually. I have a couple housemates, but they were all home for Thanksgiving.

1:27:53 Adam Oh, they were out of town. So, all right. So the guy didn't have a weapon, but he forced himself on you.

1:28:00 Caller Yeah.

1:28:01 Adam And did you scream and all that stuff?

1:28:04 Caller Yeah. I mean, at first, I was just like, this is not happening, you know? And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know? And then, and I was, I started screaming at him. I mean, which was kind of the best I could do. I mean, I'm not very strong. I think that was probably the worst part was I thought until then I could defend myself.

1:28:26 Adam Well, so did you, did you report him to the police?

1:28:30 Caller No, actually, and that was kind of, I know, okay. So the people I worked with, I said, look, like if this guy comes by, you know, he's been kind of freaking me out. And so if you don't mind, just keep an eye on Tom, please don't come here and stuff. And so everybody at work kind of had my back, but I, I did it. And, and that's kind of why I'm like, well, I don't know if that's a great lesson to teach my sisters, but.

1:29:00 Drew All right. So, so the whole thing has been sort of, let's call it mismanaged for lack of a better way of putting it. Your parents didn't respond in a very empathic way. You didn't report it to get a forensic examination. You weren't referred for treatments. You've had no way of dealing with this.

1:29:15 Adam Did you break into your house?

1:29:18 Caller Well, no, because I didn't, I mean, I didn't have locked the front door. My friends had been over and then I'm like, okay, I'm going to go to bed. And then they left and I got a shard.

1:29:28 Drew Really?

1:29:29 Caller I don't know. I didn't have my front door locked.

1:29:32 Adam Okay, hold on a second.

1:29:33 Drew But listen, get, get, get.

1:29:35 Adam We got to take a break. Yeah, something's up.

1:29:39 Drew All right, all right.

1:29:39 Adam I mean, you know, this is rape, no doubt about it, but.

1:29:42 Drew Oh yeah.

1:29:44 Adam You know, listen, you got a weirdo guy following you around for the several days or weeks or whatever. Don't just send your friends out the front door and hit the shower. I mean, you got to lock the door, right?

1:29:57 Drew Yeah, you think.

1:29:59 Adam Something's up, a little bit up. Yeah.

1:30:02 Drew We'll see.

1:30:03 Adam Take a quick break. Be right back.

1:30:05 Caller Dude, you got issues.

1:30:20 Caller Yeah.

1:30:22 Adam Tell you what, man. Say you what? All right. Get it on.

1:30:31 Drew All right, Mr. Axe. Here we go.

1:30:33 Adam Yeah. Got my, my turtle and my horse.

1:30:39 Drew Jericho.

1:30:40 Adam Jericho. It's just, you know, it's, it's so, you know, yeah, Jericho. I got to write that down.

1:30:49 Drew I think she's Indian. I think she's Indian.

1:30:52 Adam Let me tell you something about, yeah, the bat. Yeah. She started, she, let me tell you, she had her arms crossed. She was like, you better prove it, you know.

1:31:03 Drew You did. You built your case. You built your case. You started slow. You started chipping away at that ice.

1:31:08 Adam Oh, man.

1:31:08 Drew Man, you're a genius. It was art. It was artistry.

1:31:12 Adam Yeah. Did you learn something from the master?

1:31:14 Drew I did. I was taking notes. I swear to God, it was, it was, I just worked hard.

1:31:19 Adam Virtuoso performance.

1:31:21 Drew Yes, it was.

1:31:22 Adam Yeah. And I didn't even get into the home improvement stuff.

1:31:27 Drew You hinted at it, though.

1:31:28 Adam I hinted at it, but if I started to, you know, really get into it, she just, I was scared she was going to ruin the stools she was on.

1:31:38 Drew And you didn't even show her your feet.

1:31:40 Adam No.

1:31:41 Caller Attractive feet.

1:31:43 Adam Good looking. Very good looking feet. Not that anyone cares, but chicks like, like a decent looking ped. All right. Meredith? Oh yeah. That's right. So, all right. You got to get some counseling. There's something going on. And obviously you got to get some help for the rape, but then there seems like there's other things going on. Either way, for what you've been through, you need to talk to somebody about it.

1:32:12 Drew Yeah, absolutely. And your family's clearly not helping. And, you know, they've sort of made it worse. So what I was saying at the beginning was, it certainly wasn't the empathic response we were looking for. And then on top of that, they sort of dug it in further by saying, well, tell your sisters about it. You know, really, we're going to worry about them when I'm in need? I mean, that's a horrible thing.

1:32:31 Adam Yeah, it sounds like they were. I imagine friends, family, loved ones and stuff, sometimes the reaction to somebody who's a victim of a crime, oh, excuse me, survivor, survivor, not a victim.

1:32:47 Drew Well, actually, a violent crime.

1:32:49 Adam Victim of a, yeah, all right, no, I just mean, you're victim of a drive-by shooting, but a rape, you're not a victim, you're a survivor. I forgot, you idiots. The point is, I imagine there's a part of me that would want to say to my son, daughter, wife, whatever, why didn't you lock the door? Like, there would be a part that would be like, come here, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for what happened, but there would definitely be a part of me, it's like, you're not locking the door? You got this weirdo falling around for a week and you're just gonna go hop in the shower, you think you're making a horror movie? Like, wouldn't there be that aspect, Drew?

1:33:27 Drew Yes, yes, you wonder if she has been a victim in the past that she's being such a good victim in the present.

1:33:33 Adam Well, the world may never know because we have to take another break.

1:33:37 Caller Dude, it's cool.

1:33:38 Adam We'll be right back after this.

1:33:57 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:34:11 Drew There you go.

1:34:12 Adam There you go. Bye. Don't talk. I want to thank Jennifer Schefft for coming out here. ABC Bachelor, Monday night, nine o'clock. I want to thank phone screener Brian for doing a fantastic job all week. Engineer Chris. I miss that man child, Chris. He's proudly safely at home in his mom's house, studying for junior college test he'll never take. But God bless him. I want to thank engineer Michelle, always on the ball. Always on the ball. Smile for everyone. What a pro. What a pro. Speaking of pros, how about producer Ann and junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, producer Lauren doing a great job. And of course, the magic fingered ones, the master of the potentiometers, engineer Anderson and of course, Dr. Drew. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for the aforementioned Dr. Drew saying mahalo. I have a damaged sea turtle, a three legged horse. Those are my children. Those are my family.

1:35:18 Caller This has been Loveline. Loveline, the opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, February 10, 2005