Episode 1000680531810

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline. With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:21 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, dishes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Where are you, Drew?

1:34 Drew I'm in Washington, DC.

1:35 Adam Fantastic.

1:36 Drew Our nation's capital.

1:37 Adam What's going on over there?

1:39 Drew I did an interview today for Discovery Health Channel on a guy who broke his penis. What happened? He was having sex with his wife, and he was a missionary, of all things. Slipped out, came back in. They both heard this loud crack, and they both stopped. Like, hey, what the hell is that? He had no pain. He couldn't figure out what the hell is going on. He went in the bathroom, and there his penis looks like a hockey stick. Wow. And then he still, his wife was a nurse, said, oh my God, you got to go to the hospital. He's like, you know how guys are. No, no, no, no, no, no big deal. No, just relax. Then what happens is, you know, there's two cavernous corpus bodies in your penis, and when they rip, all the blood that you deflate, because there's nothing to hold it anymore. You know, it doesn't hold the blood. And then all the blood starts getting into the soft tissue, and so his whole penis started swelling and swelling and swelling, and became this giant black mass. And that's when he decided to go to the hospital.

2:31 Adam You could do worse than a giant black mass in your underpants, Drew. I gotta be honest with you.

2:36 Drew But it wasn't hard, it was like a big mushroom.

2:39 Adam Well, when the guys get really big, they have trouble getting an erection.

2:43 Drew I learned that from porn. But that whole, yeah, I know.

2:46 Adam It's the only thing that helps me sleep at night. The guys have sort of novel size. It gets unwieldy. And then the thing that's funny is they have to use it like a road flare where they whack it against something. It gets hard for a few minutes. They have to actually smack it on something a couple of times, like one of those Pillsbury rolls or something.

3:06 Drew So it pops?

3:07 Adam Yeah, I don't know what happens. But if they pull it out and whack it against something, usually an ass cheek, for a couple of beats, it snaps in the line and they get a few more pumps out of it.

3:18 Drew But then they have to kind of stuff it in because it doesn't go all the way in.

3:20 Adam Yeah, that's the thing too. It's like it can't, it can't, mine won't fold in the middle.

3:26 Drew No.

3:27 Adam You know, I'll never break my penis because it's like trying to break a pencil that's been sharpened several hundred times and there's nothing but a nub. You know what I mean? I don't care, the strongest man in the world can't break that pencil in half.

3:40 Drew Yes.

3:40 Adam It's only an inch long. You know what I'm saying?

3:42 Drew Yes, yes.

3:43 Adam You'll cut yourself before that pencil will break.

3:45 Drew That's right. This guy, Rush Dobby, here's the comedy. He stops by his relative's house and goes, Please watch the dogs in the house. We're going to the hospital. And the guy goes, Why are you going to the hospital? And he goes, Well, I broke my penis. And what would your friends, what would Chris or Ray do if you told them that?

4:01 Adam They would actually you think you think they would laugh, but they wouldn't.

4:05 Drew They would kick you.

4:07 Adam They would kick you in the nuts.

4:08 Drew This guy laughed and then laughed his ass off until the guy whipped out his black penis. He had a black member. Then the guy bent over in pain and started whimpering.

4:20 Adam Well, did he finish with his wife?

4:23 Drew No, that was my question too. Did you try to, if you work at the hospital, did you try to go back? No, no, they both decided it was too weird at that point.

4:30 Adam Okay. And by the way, this is a passionate man because that doesn't just slip out and try to slip back in. That is a world-class pounding he was giving her. I mean, I'm sure you had the cooth to steer clear of the RPM subject, but he must have been going at it hard and heavy in order to do that kind of damage.

4:51 Drew Yes, this was a hydraulic operation. He mentioned that, in fact. Because usually, it's female superior that does that. You know what I'm saying? It's somebody's going at it.

5:00 Adam When you're effing a nun?

5:02 Drew No, not...

5:03 Adam I don't know what that is.

5:04 Drew Not mother superior, but female on top.

5:07 Adam Well, oh, okay. All right, well, you should just say that. All right, so when the woman's on top and she's bouncing up and down and comes down a little bit, a little bit, a little bit out of whack, right? Right, yeah. So he must have just been going to town, in other words. And she's lucky she wasn't hurt. No, I mean, that's... There's nothing, there's no area down there for a woman that isn't sensitive once, you know, once you miss.

5:38 Drew Yeah, right, right.

5:38 Adam You know what I mean?

5:39 Drew Yeah, the penis gave first.

5:41 Adam All right. All right. Yeah, that's a lot of woman. All right. So you're in, you're in DC. Where are you? Where are you broadcasting?

5:49 Drew CBS, Westwood One. Is it sound okay?

5:54 Adam Sounds fine.

5:55 Drew All right.

5:55 Adam Oh, all right. Let's take a call and then I'll do a little saw thing, okay? Sarah?

6:03 Hello?

6:04 Adam Eighteen? What's up?

6:09 Okay. Well, I've been with about four guys total since I lost my virginity. And like every time, like the LCO, I last long whatever. And like every guy get what they like go almost immediately. And like a couple nights ago, I was with who was my first and we kind of got back together. But it's not a relationship or anything like he went before we anything. I'm starting to think maybe it's something to do with me because they're always like, oh, that's never happened to me so fast.

6:40 Adam Yeah. They always say, what could it be to do with you? And if it was, it would all be flattering, right?

6:47 I don't know, because it kind of sucks for me because I get nothing out of it.

6:50 Adam Yeah. You get nothing out of it.

6:54 It's like so quick. It's like it was all fun for you and not for me.

6:59 Adam Do they give you oral sex?

7:02 No, no.

7:04 Adam No. And are they, are you attractive?

7:09 Yeah.

7:10 Adam All right. She's kind of saying, oh, she sounds like I'm talking to Eartha Kitt. Here's the thing, Drew.

7:19 Drew Yes.

7:20 Adam Riddle me this since we're on our Batman metaphors. Super-smoking hot chick, do you think the guys go faster with a super-smoking hot chick versus just a medium chick? You know what I mean? Is there a correlation between how the girl looks?

7:41 Drew I think it depends on the guy. I think some guys get so freaked out or so excited that they can't or that it delays or they lose their erection or something.

7:49 Adam Because a girl, because a woman is so beautiful, it's intimidating.

7:53 Drew Right.

7:54 Adam Right.

7:55 Drew It makes them nervous. The passionate guy, it'll be too quick. It'll be quicker.

8:00 Adam Yeah. That's how you are, right?

8:04 Drew Right.

8:05 Adam I mean, it wouldn't matter how beautiful a woman was.

8:08 Drew No, it's not.

8:09 Adam Liz Taylor from the 50s. Well, I mean, it would just speed you up. You wouldn't be intimidated.

8:14 Drew No, no intimidation. No, no, no, no.

8:15 Adam I mean, for a man of passion, it's like someone bringing a beautiful slice of prime rib and you saying, well, this is too beautiful to consume.

8:23 Drew Right. It's like you're like you're a wine expert and they think, no, no, this was why it can't be. No, no, I can't handle this.

8:29 Adam You would just you would drink that much more, that much faster.

8:31 Drew And you'd appreciate it as the way an expert would.

8:34 Adam Easy, easy. OK. She scared me. Not true. OK. She really wound up. All right. So it's got nothing to do with her. She's a hot chick. She's hooking up with 18 year old guys. They're excited. She got a bad run. That's the other thing, too, everybody. Everything sort of comes out in the wash. But if you're just going to go, it's it's like saying, it's like anybody could flip a coin three times. It could land on heads or tails all three times. And then you could put the coin away and announce every time I flip a coin, it lands on tails. And in your mind, that's the way it would be. But we know that if you kept flipping the coin, it would even out.

9:17 Drew The way of describing that.

9:19 Adam Go ahead.

9:20 Drew Is that random events segregate non-randomly. In fact, one of the ways that you test to see if you're really getting a random sampling, say, is things have to come in series. There has to be a certain number of series.

9:31 Adam Right. You flip a coin a hundred times, it's not going to be heads, tails, heads, tails, heads, tails. There's going to be a bunch of times when it's heads five, six times in a row. And if you've just been, she's been with four guys. So she's flipped the coin four times and it's landed on heads. Maybe she'd have a little more of that. It would work out. OK. But the point is, is she's now announced that every time I flip the coin, this is how it lands. She just needs to hook up with a couple of different guys.

10:00 Drew But every time I hear a young girl talk about this, I wonder if she is expecting to be able to achieve an orgasm with intercourse and blames the fact that she's not on the guys. You see what I'm saying?

10:10 Adam Yeah, there's elements of that. He's not satisfying me or I'm not enjoying myself.

10:15 Drew Right.

10:16 Adam All right. What she needs to do, we don't give this advice to women too much. We give it to guys a lot. Hook up with one person and work it out. Break them in. You lost your virginity, then you bounced around for a few guys. Find one guy, work it out. And that's that person. It's been a while since we had this discussion, but that person, that person you break things in with, that's usually the first person you shower with. Remember that, Drew? Remember taking a shower with a woman for the first time?

10:47 Drew No.

10:47 Adam I know. I know. Back, I don't think they had, did they have showers or you just boiled water?

10:52 Drew It was a bucket you pulled over your head.

10:54 Adam With a rope?

10:56 Drew Yeah, I just pulled the bucket over your head.

10:58 Adam Yeah.

10:58 Drew Right.

10:58 Adam Like the Old West? Yeah. The thing is, is people will have their flings, they'll have their little liaisons and whatnot, but you get that one person, and that's that person you walk around naked with during the day, that's the person you take the shower with. Oftentimes the anal person. It's true. That's where you work it out, that's where you try it out, that's where you really get to work out all the bugs out of your junk. That's the person, and she needs that person. Yes? All right, let me give a little plug to Saw, the DVD. Very scary movie, by the way. It is out on DVD, and what we're going to do, it stars Danny Glover and Kerry Elwes, and many other people who get cut into pieces. We're going to give out one of these to everyone who calls the show and gets on the air, and who is over 18 years of age. So, if you call in tonight, we're going to give you that saw DVD, and then you are entered in a drawing, and I don't know who's going to draw this, but you get to go to Derbyshire, England, and go to the Heavy Metal Concert called Bloodstock. Yeah. Cool. Bunch of fat chicks on their period. It's awesome. Yeah, that's Bloodstock. Yeah. Indigo Girls are going to be there. They're all, there's a Go-Go's reunion. It's going to be awesome. Just, it's only women. And it was tough to time it, Drew, because they only had to have acts that were on, you know, on their period that time of the month. But they got it. That's going to be great. Yeah.

12:35 Drew Okay. If you say so.

12:36 Adam That's how it works. All right. Let's talk to Whitney. Whitney's 27. Whitney.

12:43 Hi.

12:44 Adam What's happening?

12:45 My question was, what was the fastest way to figure out if you're gay, straight, or bisexual?

12:53 Drew Well, if you like, if you like having sex with people of the same sex, that would make you gay.

12:58 Adam There's also a water displacement test that we could do on you, but it's, I mean, it's messier. It's more accurate than you having sex with people of the same gender.

13:09 Drew Yeah. You actually throw people, you actually tie them up and throw them in a well with a weight.

13:15 Adam Right.

13:16 Drew If they sink.

13:17 Adam Yeah. Go ahead, Drew. I cut her off just so you could finish your dopey thought.

13:22 Drew It's all right. It's all right.

13:24 Adam All right. Go ahead, Whitney.

13:25 Okay. I've been listening to the show for a long time, but recently for the last three days. And I would just like, you know, I know I respect and value the show. I think that you bring a lot of good advice to the people. And I'm really serious about my question. And I already know, but I haven't been able to contact, like every time I call Hotline with this kind of issue, they're either not there or they're busy. And I'm pretty well aware, you know, about...

13:58 Drew Well, you're not being clear what the issue is. That's why we're being light about it. What is the issue?

14:04 Well, it's just that I've had feelings for men and women, but I can't...

14:10 Drew Were you... How old are you?

14:12 I'm 27.

14:13 Drew Were you sexually abused when you were growing up?

14:15 No.

14:16 Drew Were you physically abused?

14:17 No.

14:18 Drew Have you always had these feelings? Or did they suddenly develop at 27?

14:22 I had a vision when I was, I don't know, 16.

14:29 Drew What do you mean a vision?

14:30 Like I saw myself kissing a girl as I was talking to her. So it was like a dream come true, sort of, or like a fantasy. But it was just really happened as I was talking to her.

14:41 Adam All right. Hey, Whitney, you sound kind of...

14:44 Drew That's a psychiatric problem. That's not a sexual identity issue.

14:48 Adam You sound kind of spacey. What's going on with you?

14:50 I have a little cold right now.

14:52 Drew No, no, no, no, no, no.

14:53 Adam I don't mean your tone. I'm talking about what's coming out of your mouth, not how it's coming out. What's going on? You're into crystals, you're into feng shui, you're into, what's your religion? What's going on?

15:05 Drew If you had a hallucination, that is a major psychiatric symptom.

15:11 Adam She did, she just had a thought, she called it a vision to give it a little extra weight, that's all.

15:18 Yeah, I really saw my, okay, I don't want to.

15:21 Adam All right, who cares? What do you do for a living?

15:24 I do some sales and marketing.

15:27 Adam And what do you, who cares? Are you into Wicca?

15:31 No.

15:32 Adam What are you? What's your religion?

15:36 I'm not religious.

15:37 Adam All right, you just sound a little spacey, a little flighty, you into reincarnation?

15:43 No.

15:45 Adam All right, no beliefs. Okay, I'm just checking, you know, she's, okay, let me just say something. There are these women out there, there are guys out there this way too, but mostly women, they're sort of, they're spacey, they're breathy, and they like Stevie Nicks, you know? Yeah. They're like gypsies and that. Yeah, well, she seems a little confused, a little damaged. She's 27. You should be able to figure this out. But then what about this, Drew? What about just the percentage of people on this planet that don't have never really figured out how to be a human being or how to get along on this planet? They're a little bit confused. They're never quite sure what's going on. Things are sort of done to them. You know what I mean?

16:30 Drew Yeah, right. Those are personality disorders. They can't take responsibility for anything. Or cognitive problems, like developmental problems. Where they can't sort of reason properly.

16:42 Don't you guys want to really... It doesn't sound like you're really wanting to give advice.

16:50 Adam Well, it's hard to give advice to somebody who's 27 and doesn't know if she likes guys or girls. I don't know what to say to that.

16:59 Drew Yeah, and then you've mentioned a hallucination. So we're trying to go down the path to direct you where you might get some more appropriate treatment. Clearly, this isn't a sexual identity issue.

17:08 Adam Yeah, we don't want to waste our breath on that. I mean, that'll solve itself. If you're into girls, go have a relationship with a woman. If you're into guys, have a relationship with a guy.

17:18 Drew But your confusion at 27 is what's troubling. And your complete lack of ability to sort of track and understand and sort of reason about these things, that's what's disturbing us.

17:29 Adam Yeah. All right.

17:30 What would you like to know?

17:32 Drew Are you a Mormon?

17:35 Adam No, not a Mormon.

17:36 I'm not a Mormon. I do have a circle of friends that are religious.

17:43 Adam Well, what do you believe happens to you after you die?

17:49 I don't have any beliefs about that.

17:51 Adam All right. And have you ever been with a woman?

17:54 No.

17:55 Adam No.

17:56 I just have a problem with that. I don't...

17:58 Drew Do you have stable relationships? Do you have stable relationships with men?

18:01 Yeah.

18:02 Drew You do? What's your longest relationship?

18:05 Three, four years.

18:07 Drew And you have one now?

18:09 Yes.

18:10 Drew And so you're just attracted to women?

18:12 Adam Yeah. What's wrong with the relationship you're having now? Is there a problem?

18:18 You could say it's not all that sexual.

18:20 Adam All right. Well, maybe this guy's not floating your boat. Yeah.

18:24 Drew Yeah. But that's what we're talking about. That's why we're in trouble answering your questions. You're being evasive. You could say that it's like, come on, just tell us.

18:32 Adam I don't know, Whitney, you're just a pain in the ass. Here's the thing. Who cares? You're not into the guy you're with. That's fine. That doesn't mean you like the opposite sex. Maybe you just need a guy who's going to flip your cookie. Why don't you look into that?

18:46 Drew You are in the opposite sex, but you need a real relationship. This sounds like a dead end. This one you're in and you need another one to go out.

18:51 Adam Now I'm getting angry, so there must be something going on. Of course. Where's your dad, Whitney?

18:59 My parents are happily married ever after.

19:03 Adam And everything's good with you and Pops?

19:06 Very good.

19:07 Adam Mom treated you right?

19:08 Very good.

19:10 Adam Where do they live?

19:12 In the same area.

19:14 Adam All right. And no problems.

19:16 Drew There's a very strong bogus quality about all this.

19:18 It's not fitting together.

19:20 Adam All right. Well, it should, if it was bogus, it'd be more entertaining because you'd actually have a question. You're 27. How about a little therapy? You can't figure out, you're 27 years of age. Can't figure out whether you like vagina or penis. How about some therapy?

19:34 And you know, it's a therapy therapist. Do they listen to you? They don't give you advice.

19:39 Adam Yeah, I know you keep wanting everyone to tell you what to do, like you're calling the goddamn homework hotline.

19:45 Drew That's not how it works.

19:48 Adam You can't call with these sort of cosmic problems and have somebody solve it over the phone in four minutes.

19:54 Drew That's not what therapy is, ever. That's not how mental health works. That's not how you work.

19:58 Adam Ah, listen, I'll tell you what. You just, you, Whitney, do me a favor. Go through life like one of those remote control vacuums that just wanders around an apartment and every time it bangs into something, it changes direction. And then it goes until it bangs into something else. That's it. Then eventually it runs out of batteries and the dog humps it. That, that, that's, that's your life, everybody. That, that's you. Just, just keep going in a straight line, bump into something, change trajectory and go in a straight line for a little while further until you bump into something else.

20:31 Drew I keep blaming the things you bump into.

20:33 Adam Yeah, and always blame whatever you bump into. I, I, look, here's the thing, everybody, I, I know it sounds, I know it sounds pompous. I don't care. You know me. I know I'm a genius. We do this show. We hear people. We hear voices. Seeing people doesn't help you. Hearing them helps you. We can hear what's in their voice. We can hear how, how things are phrased. We can tell whether they're angry. We can tell whether they're smart, stupid, high, drunk, victims of abuse. It all comes through. Whitney, we both responded to her voice. Did we not, Drew?

21:10 Drew Absolutely.

21:11 Adam There's something going on with her.

21:13 Drew Or we're being put on.

21:15 Adam I don't care.

21:15 Drew That still keeps us a strong current of that.

21:18 Adam She needs, she needs, look, she needs therapy if that's the way she really is. And if that's a bogus call, she needs therapy for coming up with such a boring, bogus call.

21:27 Drew There you go.

21:28 Adam Either way, therapy, therapy, therapy. All right.

21:31 Drew You ready to go here, Drew? Well, she needs some assistance, some, because calling hotlines, calling radio shows is not going to solve her problems.

21:39 Adam All right. That goes for all of you who may call this show for any reason. Lacey? Yeah. She has a question about her ovaries. Say, Jill, Jill.

21:52 Drew Clear question we can handle.

21:53 Adam Jill.

21:54 Hello?

21:56 Adam Wow. I like that name Jill. You don't hear Jill anymore. Where's all the Jill's, Drew?

22:02 Drew I know. They were all around when I was a kid.

22:04 Adam Yeah. I used to remember Jill's too. There's no Jill's anymore. Thank you, Jill. Thank you for being named Jill. Anytime. It's a good solid name. And you know what? It's kind of a Foxy name. And it's a dark haired Foxy name too. It's not a blonde Fox name. It isn't. It's like Jennifer. It's a darker haired name, but it's a good name. What do you look like, Jill? Well, dark haired and Foxy?

22:31 Uh, light brown.

22:33 Adam Yeah, that's what it is. It's not black hair. It's a, you know, you know what Jill is? Jill looks like Lori from the Partridge family. Yeah. Yeah. What do you look like, Jill?

22:45 Uh, brown hair, blue eyes. Yeah.

22:53 Adam What else?

22:55 Um, can I, okay, can I ask my question?

22:59 Adam Are you a big gal?

23:01 Oh, my God, don't do this to me. Can I ask my question, please?

23:04 Adam Are you a big gal?

23:07 I know.

23:08 Adam No? How much do you weigh? How much?

23:12 Drew You're fat.

23:13 Adam Drew, please. How much do you weigh? All right. What's the problem? You're a Mormon.

23:22 Sorry.

23:23 All right.

23:24 Adam Hi, Jill. What's the big deal? I just want to I want to know if my name I got to trust my names. That's all.

23:30 OK.

23:30 Adam Make sure you look like a jail. What's your question?

23:34 OK, so I called a couple of days ago and I guess I was kind of incoherent and you guys decided I was bogus and hung up on me. And so I'm calling back because I still kind of need my question answered. And I wanted to tell you that like the reason that I was like so incoherent is because I'm so overwhelmed and because I love you guys so much. And seriously, you guys occupy this like distant mythical status in my life. And I seriously would never have graduated middle school if I hadn't listened to your show. Hello.

24:13 Adam Thanks, sweet pea.

24:14 Drew That is very kind of you. You're a unicorn.

24:17 Adam Yes, a mystical and you're a pegasus.

24:21 No, no, really, I'm serious.

24:23 Adam Let me say this to about a pegasus.

24:25 Drew It's a fly.

24:26 Adam Well, hold on a second. It's a flying horse, right?

24:29 Drew Yeah.

24:30 Adam Horses crap all the time. Can you imagine? I mean, you know, a pigeon, pigeon size of a coffee mug, right? I mean, pigeons aren't very big. That thing hits your windshield. It's a, it's a catastrophe. Imagine a 1400 pound horse flying around up there, you know, 14,000 feet, big old ass nugget comes flying out. They hit the ground, put a hole in you, take a car out. I mean, you know what I'm saying?

24:59 Drew I mean, you know, and it won't be with a single, a single nugget either. It rains.

25:03 Adam No, no. And it would, it would, it would probably, if it hits you, it would probably dislocate your shoulder, a compound fractures, knocking you down to the ground, busting. I mean, I mean, look, you got to look at, you know, hail and this golf ball size hail falls. It causes millions, you know, punches out windshields, puts holes in roofs. Now imagine a big, big horse apple. You know what I mean? They never cover that when they talk about the Pegasus. And, you know, think about a horse too. Horse would not wait till it lands to crap. Horse would, if I could fly, I would only crap when I was in the air. That would be my policy. Wouldn't it be yours to be yours?

25:46 Drew Horses, horses only crap when they walk and move, so why should it be when they fly? But you know, some...

25:51 Horses would wait.

25:52 Adam Yeah.

25:53 Drew Yeah.

25:53 Adam I'm just saying, I'm saying to you. I'm saying horses will wait all year for a parade so they can crap the entire parade. You know what I mean? So this Pegasus would definitely be crapping on the fly.

26:08 Drew Go ahead, Drew. Myth and poo don't ever seem to go together.

26:11 Adam Yeah. No one covers that. Only we have to kind of show it has the guts to deal with a Pegasus crapping. You know?

26:21 Drew I know.

26:22 Adam It'd be a disaster. And imagine how angry, like, you're angry when your neighbor lets the dog crap on your lawn, right? Imagine if like, I don't know, Zeus or Hercules or whoever, you know, rode a Pegasus is flying around. Also, the Pegasus is just crapping on your cars. Hercules, you know, he flies by. He's like, Mount Olympus! Then it hits your car in your driveway. You'd be like, Hey, Herc, buddy, what are we going to do here? We got to make this right. You know what I'm saying?

26:54 Drew Yes.

26:55 Adam Yeah. They probably have to have some sort of bag that's made for it, for a Pegasus that would catch it. You know, I would imagine like the I don't know who would. I don't know if the FAA would get involved with this.

27:06 Drew Certainly, it would be regulations. We'd all get into it.

27:09 Adam Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, FAA makes sense, you know.

27:13 Drew Yeah.

27:13 Adam All right. Where are we going here, Drew?

27:15 Drew Jill, Jill.

27:16 Adam Well, all right. Can we answer some calls, please? OK, Jill.

27:20 Hey, hold on.

27:21 Adam It was Drew's fault for bringing something up and reminding me of something else. Hold on a second. OK. All right. And the last time he called, he said you were so nervous that we thought you were drunk.

27:34 I was so disoriented.

27:36 Adam All right. Well, you're composed tonight, right?

27:39 Yeah.

27:40 Adam OK. Hold on a second.

27:41 OK.

27:42 Adam All right. Dr. Drew over there in Washington, DC. I'm out here in Los Angeles. Get to the bottom of this whole Pegasus thing, Drew. I'll tell you that right now. We'll come back. We'll speak to Jill after this.

27:56 Thank you for calling Loveline. Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

28:12 Adam Hi there, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, or producer, you can read with me that Jill was a hot chick name, but understated, not snobby, just good looking. All right, Anderson, do you-

28:29 Drew Did you work out the Pegasus poo?

28:31 Adam Oh, Drew, yeah. Your line's crappy, brother, man. Any better now?

28:36 Drew What, a delay or just sounds bad?

28:39 Adam Just sounds bad. Washington, DC is where Dr. Drew is, out making a buck while the Ace man holds down the fort and comes up with gems like Pegasus crap. When we- Yeah, when we left off, we were speaking to Jill who called a few days back and then says, we hung up on her because she was too effed up, but she wasn't effed up, she was just forclempt because she was talking to her great idols, Adam and Drew. Jill?

29:13 Yeah.

29:13 Adam But now you have your composure.

29:15 Uh-huh.

29:16 Adam So go right ahead.

29:18 Okay. So my problem is that there's this guy that I'm involved with and we just started having sex a week ago, but the problem is that he totally can't keep it up, like ever.

29:34 Yeah.

29:35 Drew Like this is what you were calling us about last week?

29:38 Uh-huh.

29:39 It was a couple of days ago.

29:40 Drew And you couldn't spit this out?

29:43 Well, I guess not.

29:44 I don't know.

29:46 Drew Now you seem so nice and clear tonight. That's just, I'm surprised.

29:50 Adam I mean, ironically, I could barely hear you say that, Drew.

29:53 Drew Oh, great.

29:54 Adam All right. Here's the thing. Drew, take a chill pill and let the ace man do the drive in here and see if you can catch him.

30:00 Drew Hold on one second, just I want to make sure you hear me. Do you hear me?

30:03 Adam Yeah, I do hear you. Yeah.

30:04 Drew Is it better?

30:06 Adam It is, but it comes in and out. Why don't you.

30:09 Drew Get it out.

30:10 I'll chill.

30:11 Adam Sing the dreidel song. Would you please? Let's see how it works.

30:14 Drew Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel.

30:15 Adam I'll start it from the beginning. Can you start it from the beginning? Start from the beginning.

30:19 Drew How's the beginning go?

30:20 Adam Come on.

30:22 Drew Chill, chill, chill.

30:23 Adam I had a little dreidel.

30:24 Drew Oh, I made it out of clay. I had a little dreidel. I made it out of clay. And when I tried to spin it.

30:31 Adam What the hell kind of half Jew or you?

30:35 Drew It's a Goy song.

30:37 Adam It is? That's a Jew song. They're singing about a dreidel. It's not a, oh, crouton, crouton, crouton. It's a dreidel, dreidel, dreidel. You know what I'm saying?

30:49 Drew I hear you.

30:50 Adam All right. Crouton is not as popular as it used to be, right? Right. Okay.

30:55 Drew I hate him. All right.

30:56 Adam Quiet down. So here's the thing. This guy has this problem. That's fine. There's not a whole lot we can do to change him. And there's not a whole lot you can do to change him, Jill. What you can do is get him to give you a little oral sex, see if we can coax an orgasm out of you. How about that?

31:16 Caller You mean, I mean, really? There's nothing that can be done?

31:21 Adam Well, the only thing that can be done is that you guys, you know, have a consistent, steady, monogamous relationship. He finds his comfort zone, and you guys sort of see what he's at, minus... Jill, remember when you called the show a few days ago, and you could barely spit out your question because you were so agitated and excited?

31:42 Caller Yeah.

31:43 Adam That's not a good way to sort of judge your question-asking ability, because your nerves were in hyperdrive. This guy is nervous, and it's tough to judge his sexual ability because of this. You have to stay with him long enough for him to sort of settle down, then you can see what you have.

32:03 Caller I see.

32:04 Adam All right. But he can give you a little oral sex, and that might do the trick. Does he do any of that for you?

32:13 Caller Well, it's only been a week, and I'm on my period. No, no.

32:18 Drew Wait, wait, wait a minute. You've only been with him a week?

32:21 Caller We've only been doing it for a week.

32:23 Adam All right. Well, let it settle in, Jill.

32:25 Drew Work it out. Yeah, relax here. And I encourage him to maybe take a bullet out of the chamber before you guys get together, as Adam would say, maybe ejaculate before the action.

32:36 Adam If you really think about it, Drew, the people that are successful with women, job interviews, auditions, whatever it is, I don't know if they're more skilled at the actual job, whether it's acting, computer data entry, or being a better boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever. They're just better and calmer and more composed during the interview process.

33:01 Drew That's right.

33:02 Adam And you show me a guy who can show up on the first date, somebody who interviews well, somebody who auditions well. I'll show you a successful person, and who knows all the people they sent packing just because they didn't put their best foot forward when they only had a chance to take a step or two before you judge them.

33:21 Drew It's true. Anxiety screws everything up.

33:23 Adam Right. So you're getting all freaked out about this guy. You don't know what he can do yet. Give it a couple of weeks. Give it a couple outings. Let him get comfortable in his new vaginal surroundings and then call us back and tell us what he's promised.

33:40 Drew By the way, putting the heat on him like that is not the way to do it. You know what I mean? You can't fix this. You got to do something about this. That's the guy's going to freak out. His penis is going to run away. I forget it. You got to just kind of ease into it.

33:56 Adam Drew, do you really think and I'm really the older I get, the more I just sort of realize you got the hand that was dealt to you. Do you really think you can do anything about much of anything? You know, I mean, here's the deal. Here's what I'm saying. Let me say this.

34:16 Drew Let's just get born and die.

34:18 Adam Well, here's what I'm saying. If you're one of these people that just gets sweats profusely from the armpits, you get big stains under your shirt, you know, when in situations where you're playing basketball or job interviews or whatever, do you think that degree that turns up the body heat index and protects you more when things get, do you think that does anything? If you pit out.

34:41 Drew It does, but if you're, if you really have a bad time.

34:44 Adam It doesn't do anything. You pit out, you pit out. That's it.

34:48 Drew Yeah.

34:49 Adam And it doesn't mean you're bad or nervous. It just means that's you. And is there anything you can do short of going under the knife?

34:56 Drew No.

34:57 Adam You know what I'm saying?

34:58 Drew Yeah.

34:58 Adam And if you, if, if you have a situation with weight that's been there since, you know, your, your third birthday and so on and so forth, unless you're going to start talking about going under the knife or dramatic, dramatic procedures, you just expect, you're going to be fat like your nose is going to be big.

35:14 Drew Well, but here's Adam, nothing, nothing we're going to do. Here's where it gets interesting though. If your personality has been a certain way, is that also going to be like your body type and not really change that much?

35:25 Adam That hopefully I can fix with a steady diet of ridicule when you call this show. But if you're a guy who's nut pops two minutes into the act, are you really going to change? Are you really going to affect that?

35:43 Drew Again, my thing is you got to learn how to work with it. He's got to figure it out for himself. He needs to figure out when to start, how many bullets take out of the chamber, how to get the oral thing going so he doesn't use up his time in the intercourse. You know what I mean? That's his timing, now work with it.

36:02 Adam Right, all right. I'm just saying the more I look around, the more I realize things, I don't think when you orgasm is all that much different than the color of your eyes. I really don't.

36:17 Drew Oh no, I agree. I have a theory that some of it's wired in early in life. I think it's how your autonomic nervous system gets sort of set up. Right. Once it's set up, that's it.

36:26 Adam Oh, I agree. And there's just a certain amount of people that do that. And there's a certain amount of people that stink, by the way. And everyone wants to tell them to take a shower, stop eating spicy foods. They just think that's them. There's it's like, you know, you get it's like getting angry. The guy who has hair on his back or angry, the guy who goes bald at twenty four. Sorry, Brian. You know what I'm saying? I mean, what do you do? That's him. Right. All right.

36:53 Thank you.

36:54 Adam All right.

36:55 All right.

36:57 Adam Let's see. Here's here's an idiot with a dumb question. Tim. Yeah.

37:03 Caller What's up, man?

37:04 Adam What's going on?

37:06 Caller Oh, another much better. And I just had a question I had to ask, man, because it just popped into my head. Why? Why do fat girls have better head than skinny girls?

37:18 Drew Well, I think I think in generally when people are making up for a disability, they'll go the extra mile.

37:27 Adam Yeah. And this is I mean, yeah, I think whatever that is, whatever it is, there's a little bit of an urban myth here because they're here's the thing about women. I I find I think I don't think. All right. What do you what do you think of this, Drew? I don't I think women, I think beautiful women perform as valiantly as unattractive women do in the sack. It's harder to get them in the sack. That's the part. That's the part we don't talk about.

38:01 Drew Here's the other part.

38:02 Adam Yes.

38:02 Drew There's another there's a corollary to that. It's harder to get them into you. You know what I mean? They got it. There needs to be some enthusiasm there. Or else you're like, huh? Why?

38:11 Adam Yeah, but here's what I'm saying from my limited sexual experience. Women usually, and it's the same with men, good looking, attractive or unattractive men, usually when people go into the bedroom, they try to perform, not necessarily for the partner, more for themselves. You know what I mean? You want this person walking away thinking, wow, this guy's a winner or this chick's, she rocked my world, right? I mean, it's one of those things where it's a sort of a win-win thing. You want to do your damnedest, so this person walks away thinking of you as a stud, and you walk away thinking of her as a champion sexually. Nobody wants to send anyone away going, wow, where the hell did Drew learn to aff, Wally Thorpe School of Trucking? Well, that sucked. I got to get on the internet right away. I got to warn people before they're victimized by this guy. This is a disaster. You know what I mean? Now, who do you do it for? Do you do it for you? Do you do it for them? It's just one of these win-win things. You kind of do it for both of you. You disagree?

39:20 Drew Maybe at the very beginning, you're trying to impress. Oh, yeah.

39:23 Adam Oh, yeah. Now I don't care.

39:27 Drew Why?

39:28 Adam Now?

39:28 Drew Who are you kidding?

39:30 Adam No, no. Here's I just I don't even have sex with my wife. I just tip over on her. I just I you know what I do? I go to I go to the foot of the bed. I stand on the ottoman at the foot of the bed. And I just stand there until I fall asleep. And then I just fall on top of her. It's how it works.

39:48 Drew And then what does she do?

39:50 Adam Well, I don't know. I'm asleep. Whatever happens happens after that, I'm passed out. And sometimes it could take me a couple of hours to fall asleep. You know, stand there drinking a glass of red wine. Yeah, it's tough.

40:04 Drew I can't think of that. Imagine you lying on top of her with all that noise you make.

40:08 Adam Yeah, it's awesome. It's awesome. Now here, listen, Drew, here's what I'm saying. Attractive women, you've been with many attractive women. I don't think they're, and you've been with more than your fair share of dogs. I know that as well. They don't perform any differently. It's the difficulty of getting the hot one into the sack with you. That's the challenge. Once you get them in the sack, they perform because they have, they have egos. Yeah, they're into it.

40:37 Drew Also, they're into it. Yeah, they're there.

40:39 Adam Yeah, I don't mean the whole, I don't mean, I don't want to turn the whole thing into an ego or, you know, oh, you're going to fill out a report card and drop it in the suggestion box on the way out of the bedroom. I just mean they're there because they're into you. They want to have a good time and they're into it too. And I would, I would take it a step further and say that attractive people, especially hot chicks, oftentimes a little more comfortable with what they look like in the buff. Yes?

41:03 Drew Sure. Yes.

41:04 Adam All right, buddy. You scared your, scared your wife's listening? All right. We'll take a, yeah, we're cool, buddy. Oh, no.

41:13 Drew All right. Cool.

41:14 Adam No, but here's the deal. Easier to get a BJ from an ugly chick than it is from a hot chick. Not better, easier. That's how it breaks down. Thank you. We'll take, Michelle, all right? That's right. All right. See what you can do to help me out, would you? All right. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

41:34 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

41:50 Adam Yeah, Loveline, Adam. That's Dr. Drew in Washington, DC. Hi, Drew. I did some soul searching during the break. I was talking to producer Anne and engineer's Michelle. And I really did. Dig when I'm, pick up what I'm putting down. Would you for a second?

42:08 Drew Dig your vibe. I'll dig your vibe.

42:09 Adam Yeah. And I want our last trash caller to dig, dig on this scene too. Super smoking hot Victoria's Secret model, right? That's one chick. That's one chick. Yeah. We'll call her Jill. The other chick, just a local bar trash, got herself a gut and a couple of stretch marks and one eyebrow, right? All right. We'll call her either Crystal or Cammie or Tammy. Okay. All right. Now you pick up the chick, the bar chick, the chick that's just slutting around the bar, you pick her up, you buy her a couple of beers and you bring her home to the apartment that night and have your way with her, right? The super smoking hot model chick, you got to take on a few dates. Maybe you take her like on one of those, we're going to San Francisco for the day for lunch kind of things with a little wine tasting. You got to buy some flowers. You got to do her right.

43:07 Drew By the way, by the way, that's not even going to happen to you. That's what you wish would happen.

43:12 Adam Yeah.

43:12 Drew You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? But the point is you're not even going to get that far.

43:16 Adam Well, would you quiet down and stop crapping on my theory like a Pegasus for a second? What I'm saying is, is if you want to get these two women in bed, here's what's going to happen. And yet, no, you don't get to go bang Victoria's Secret models all day. I'm just saying to you, Drew, for the sake of the experiment, let's say they both end up in the sack. You get the one, the one you pick up, you spend 10 minutes and 10 bucks, you get her back to your apartment, and you get her in the sack, right? The other one takes multiple dates, a little work, some four-star dining, right? But at the end of your two-week or one-month courtship or fifth date or whatever it is, you end up in the sack with her too.

44:03 Drew All right?

44:04 Adam Sexually, she's just as good as the chick you scraped up from the bar, maybe better. It just took more work to get her there. You see what I'm saying? So saying that the...

44:16 Drew I'm digging your vibe.

44:18 Adam Thank you. Saying that the unattractive women are better in bed sexually is untrue. They're easier to get there. That's what it's about. You with me or do you disagree?

44:31 Drew I'm digging your vibe. Just profound. The profundity of the information is overwhelming.

44:34 Adam I would take it a step farther and say the hot chick probably better in the sack. It just takes three weeks and 1500 bucks to get her there.

44:41 Drew There you go.

44:42 Adam Yeah. Now my thing is...

44:44 Drew Here's the thing.

44:45 Adam I pay the 1500 up front. Here you go. Let's go tonight. Yes, Drew. Go ahead.

44:51 Drew I'm just saying the really emotional part in all that, though, is that the chances of you actually converting slim even after committing all the time and money.

45:01 Adam Yeah, but that's not my point. The question is...

45:04 Drew I know. I know. I know. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Yeah.

45:05 Adam Okay. Yeah, I know. You're down in commas. I dig your negative vibe, dude.

45:10 Drew Yeah.

45:11 Adam Okay. Here's the thing. My thing is, is if they're both in the sack, which one is better? And I say even the hotter chick is better. It just took more work and more money to get her that far. Thank you.

45:24 Caller There you go.

45:25 Adam All right. Let's move forward. Ron?

45:27 Caller Yeah.

45:28 Adam 25?

45:29 Caller Yep. From Oklahoma, man.

45:32 Adam Hey.

45:33 Caller Drunk? This is a question for you. My wife and I have been married for about three years now. And I found out about seven months ago that she was bisexual. And she brought in a woman into a relationship, which to me that was okay. For any of you guys is okay. But now, because of her being bisexual, wanting another girlfriend in a relationship, I'm having second thoughts.

46:02 Drew Second thoughts about your wife or second thoughts?

46:04 Caller Second thoughts about my wife bringing another girl into a relationship. It's like destroying, it feels like destroying my marriage.

46:12 Drew Yeah, we only talk to people that get horrible consequences from this. It's the rare couple that can do this and not eventually break up. And it sounds like in her case, I mean, it's three years into a marriage. Do you have kids?

46:26 Adam Hold on. I don't think it's a second thought for Ron. I think it's a first thought. I think he had no thoughts. Then he had one about this bisexual wife he married. But I don't think saying a second thought would suggest there was a thought already in there.

46:44 Drew Know what I'm saying? And yes, whenever you bring another person into a relationship, you're diminishing the intimacy, you're creating the potential for chaos, there are feelings that emerge that you never anticipate, bad times.

46:56 Adam Well, Ron, hold on, we gotta go to break, but our guess is this wife of yours is chaotic and may have suffered some abuse and so on and so forth. We have some sagely advice to give you. Can you hang on?

47:08 Caller Yeah, I can do that.

47:09 Adam Alright, buddy. Hold on. Drink another long neck while you're waiting. Just hang on. He's drunk. Alright, we'll take a quick break, be right back with Ron as Bisexual Wife after this.

47:22 Alright, guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:27 One call is all you need to make.

47:28 Call the Dateline.

47:29 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:32 Drew Call the Dateline.

47:35 1-900-CALL-LOVE-1-9-1.

47:59 Adam Yeah, Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Dr. Drew in Washington, DC. Jen Schreft is, I guess it's Schreft is gonna be here tomorrow from the Bachelorette, hot blonde. Drew, what's the weather like in DC.?

48:19 Drew It's about 48 and kind of ice raining.

48:26 Adam Ice cold rain. When are you coming back?

48:31 Drew Saturday.

48:33 Adam Saturday?

48:35 Drew Then I gotta go to another penis surgery. They have me, Discovery Health has me running around. By the way, we're distilling people for masturbation diaries. Yeah. Hey guys, I'm sorry, Drew, I'm gonna turn you off for a second.

48:47 Caller This sounds crazy, but just scream in your mic when I'm turning you off, all right?

48:51 Drew Scream into it.

48:52 Adam I'm taking my headphones off in case anything gets true. And listen, you're going to have to coach Drew on the screaming because I guarantee his stream.

49:02 Drew It was like, no, no, it's good. It was a Dickey. It was a Dickey Barrett kind of scream.

49:10 Caller And he sounds better now, right?

49:13 Adam I think he does better.

49:14 Drew It's like he blew out the pipes or something.

49:16 Caller It's very strange.

49:17 Adam All right, Anderson, what do you know?

49:19 Drew Nothing.

49:20 Adam OK, that's what I figured.

49:22 Drew But still, the Pegasus, does he have a colostomy bag or is there a Pegasus poo bag? Or how does it work?

49:28 Adam I think it's one of those bucket diaper things that they use on the horses that drag you through Central Park.

49:35 Drew But can you fly with that thing on?

49:37 Adam I think you can fly with the poop bag once it gets full. I think it's going to wait way down the tail end of the Pegasus, and it's going to fly much like a plane looks when it's taking off. The tail section is going to be lower. The whole thing about the Pegasus is the wings do 95% of the work, but the legs still sort of move too. The reason I figured the legs move too is because they would, you know, they'd film the horse trotting and then they would just, you know, green screen out the ground and put the wings on it. And so that's why the legs had to move, because let me tell you something. If I flew, there'd be no leg movement. I'd be trying, I would look like a cripple that was lifted out of his chair and lowered into a pool. You know what I mean? I would just be dangling there. There'd be no leg movement. Just dangling and, dangling and defecating. That would be me if I could fly.

50:37 Drew All these.

50:38 Adam All these. Dangling and defecating. All right, now where were we? We were talking to Ron.

50:48 Drew Ron, we keep bringing up Jill every night, but every call.

50:52 Adam Ron has a bisexual wife, Ron.

50:55 Caller Yeah, yeah.

50:56 Adam Been married for a few years?

50:58 Caller Yeah, about three years.

51:02 Adam So what are you going to, here's the thing. Does she have any history of abuse?

51:06 Caller She does. I mean, it's from her mother, mainly. What happened was that her mom locked, I don't know how her mom done it, but locked her and her sister in a bathroom for three days until the grandparents found them in there.

51:20 Drew Yeah, that's bad.

51:21 Adam Three days?

51:22 Drew That's bad. That is bad. Now, forget the trauma of that episode. That was her mom. That's the kind of person she's dealing with.

51:30 Caller And the sad part of this is because we're in so much hot water with DHS here in Oklahoma, because the county that I live in has been wanting my kids for the longest time. And when I found out about it, I had Amber's stepdad come and get both of the kids. So they both, which is her mom and her stepdad, has custody of my kids. And every day we worry about our child's safety. But the judge... What are we gonna do? Well, we're trying to get the money to get the attorney so we can have this all turn around.

52:04 Drew Wait a minute, your wife is the one they're trying to get them away from. Sure, right? She's the one that's endangering them. I mean, she had all that horrible abuse and now she does not care.

52:14 Caller When we had the kids with us, I mean, there was no signs of abuse whatsoever.

52:19 Drew Then why did the DHS want them back?

52:22 Caller Well, because all because of what I believe in and what I do. They said that my kids do not need to grow up in that environment.

52:31 Drew What is that? What do you believe in?

52:33 Adam Hold on, hold on. I'm wicking?

52:36 Drew He's wicking?

52:37 Adam I'm going on a limb here. I'm going to guess.

52:41 Drew Oh, yeah, there you go.

52:43 Adam I'm going to say... Yeah, well, definitely a Jew. There's definitely, I mean, come on. He's from Oklahoma. His wife wants the threesomes. Kids were taken away by Child Protective Services. I mean, this has Jew written all over it. And mom's, his old lady's named Amber. I mean, come on. I'm going to guess that he's either a... I'm going to guess that he's a certified... What's it called when the guy... He's a notary public. That's what I'm going with. I'm guessing he's a notary public. What do you think he does, Drew?

53:25 Drew Can you hear me? I think he... He said he's Wiccan. He's in the clergy.

53:30 Adam Did he say Wiccan?

53:32 Drew I think he said that the Child Protective Services didn't want them reared around the things he believed in and the kind of environment they were maintaining. Then I said, what do you believe in? He said, I'm Wiccan.

53:43 Adam What's DHS?

53:45 Drew Department of Health Services? Yeah.

53:48 Adam Uh-uh. Oh man. All right. Let's see.

53:53 Caller Department of Human Services.

53:55 Adam Department of Human Services. What are you into, Ron?

53:58 Caller I'm in Wicca. That's what I believe in. And I believe in like nature, the goddess, and you know, stuff like that, you know, like any other wicked would believe in, you know? And I mean, it's just like, but on the subject about my wife, though, like five months ago, I gave her an ultimatum. I say, all right, you can go with a girl, but I'm getting a divorce. You don't want to get a divorce, then stay with me and be with me for the rest of, you know, eternal life. But yet she still pops up wanting to bring a girl in the relationship, bringing a girl in the relationship. And I've been telling her, hey, remember that ultimatum I gave you a while back, you know?

54:41 Drew Hey, Oz.

54:43 Caller Hey, Oz. It's like, the kids and her, I feel like your marriage is going nowhere.

54:52 Adam Ron, what? How many kids do you have?

54:55 Caller I have two.

54:57 Adam OK. Please, could you two tards not crap out any more kids for the sake of humanity?

55:03 Caller I can't have any more.

55:04 Adam Fantabulous. That is the best news I've heard all night.

55:09 Drew It'd be parents in the settle down with the chaos.

55:12 Adam And you're giving the kids where you gave them to her mother, the one that locked her in the bathroom for three days?

55:19 Caller We had no choice.

55:20 Adam Sure. Well, yeah, you had a choice. You could have been decent goddamn parents in the first place, you idiots. You had no choice.

55:28 Caller We were.

55:29 Adam I mean, yeah, yeah, you guys were perfect. You're so perfect that child protective services were coming to collect your kids.

55:35 Caller No one's perfect in life.

55:38 Adam Yeah. But first off, you're a million miles away from using the word perfect. Okay. Perfect is a parent that doesn't send her kid to the greatest private school. You're a million miles away from perfect. You shouldn't use perfect when you're talking about rearing your kids. You have a choice between crap and crappier when it comes to rearing your kids. Be honest with yourself, Ron. Please. Nobody's perfect.

56:07 Drew Well, DHS is after my kids all the time.

56:08 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Wait, you delusional?

56:11 Caller I'm not delusional. I mean, I'm telling you upfront what's going on and everything.

56:15 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you made it. Yeah. You act like what you did is the DHS got some spy photos of your kid using the dinner fork to eat a salad. Who are you? You're horrible parents, the two of you idiots. That's why you had to give the way the way the kids to the abusive mom.

56:35 Caller I mean, there's more to it than what?

56:37 Drew No doubt.

56:38 Adam No, I'm sure. I'm sure. But please don't use the word perfect.

56:42 Caller Oh, I'm not using the word perfect. I mean, I'm not saying I'm a good father at all. I mean, you know.

56:47 Adam Now we're, now there we go. Now we're getting a little closer to the truth.

56:51 Caller Hell, man, for the past, what, two years, I've been like, well, it's too much, excuse my language.

56:56 Adam All right, hold on a sec.

56:58 Drew I knew the S-POP was coming. I knew it.

57:00 Adam Well, I can't believe, first off, that's a record for not hearing the S-POP.

57:04 Drew Yeah, yeah.

57:06 Adam You know, I love people, just the sort of wild delusion. Like, I don't mind an F-UP who realizes he's an F-UP. It's the one that's in such deep denial. The ones who are just steeped in denial. Like, well, you know, I'm not saying I'm perfect. You know, everyone's entitled to make a mistake. Like, they give you things that are very reasonable. Like, don't you believe that people should get a second chance? Yeah, people should get a second chance if they get a DUI when they're 17. If they kill their family with a steak knife, no, I don't believe in second chances. They try to corny you into this stuff like, well, now, are you perfect? I'm not. Was your fa- Is Jack- No, no one's perfect. Your kids are in danger of being taken away by the state.

57:55 Drew But, you know, that's even more than denial. That's a total lack of judgment where you can't really see the difference between what you're doing and what a perfect parent is to me. It's just a small distance.

58:05 Adam Well, you didn't claim to be perfect. You know, none of us are perfect. You understand?

58:11 Drew I got that.

58:11 Adam Yeah. Yeah. He's just into drinking and wicking, and he's got a swinging wife, and, you know, it's fantastic. Not perfect. Not perfect for the children.

58:20 Drew Mind you.

58:21 Adam Mind you. Please. Ron.

58:25 Caller Yeah.

58:26 Adam All right. So what do you do for a living?

58:29 Caller I was working on construction.

58:31 Adam All right. Perfect. That is the perfect part. So here's the thing. You're now the kids are being raised by the abusive woman who abused your, who made basically your wife into the mess that she is today. Right. And this is how life works. People like your wife crap out kids, and then people like you and your crappy wife attempt to raise these kids, and then it's up to us as a society to band together, pool our finances and contain everybody. Build prisons, open rehabs, get welfare and food stamps. We all have to get together to clean up the mess known as your life. Now what you can do, Ron, is drop your retarded wic and crap, get a job, fight to keep it, tell your bitchy wife to settle down and get some therapy, not crap out any more kids, get these kids back and start focusing on doing the right thing. And if you don't know what to do, watch TV.

59:32 Drew Or get some help.

59:33 Adam Okay?

59:33 Drew Social Services is lining up to get into your house.

59:36 Adam Yeah, and don't tell me you don't know what to do. Social Services doesn't like you praying to someone with a pointy hat and it's stirring a cauldron all day with a high of newt in it, then knock it off. Once you drop your retarded belief and raise your stupid kids, stop being so selfish. How about that? Social Service doesn't like, they don't like your lifestyle? Why don't you drop your lifestyle then? Once you drop that stupid religion, put on, comb your hair, shave your three-day-old beard, put that beard down and get a good gig and raise your family like a man. What do you have to say to that?

1:00:22 Caller That's well point, but you know.

1:00:26 Adam What?

1:00:27 Caller That's a well put point, but you know. Thank you. You're welcome.

1:00:32 Adam All right, obviously, look, you know, really, the kids should just stay where they are then.

1:00:40 Caller Yeah, they're raised by the grandfather more than their grandmother because grandmother runs off and, you know, messes around with another guy behind her husband's back.

1:00:51 Adam Yeah.

1:00:52 Caller Yeah.

1:00:52 Adam Hey, hey, Ron, it must be great to know that there's actually a handful of people that are worse people than you are out there. That's fantastic.

1:00:59 Drew Circle of life continues, too.

1:01:01 Adam Yeah, it's great. It's like, hey, I'm the world's worst, dad, but oh, here's someone who's even marginally worse than me. They can raise the kids and then I can judge them.

1:01:11 Caller I mean, don't get me wrong, the grandfather has tried everything he could and has powers to do.

1:01:17 Adam All right, Ron. Look, here's the fact, you can't have any more kids, that's fine. Hopefully, your kids will just go gay and won't reproduce. The chick will become a stripper. Hopefully, the guy will just get caught early and thrown into jail, and then we'll sort of dodge a bullet. You do what you want. Sleep like a baby, brother. Have that threesome. Live it up. Why not? Your kids are gone.

1:01:38 Caller Okay, I have tried that once. I did not like it. Any man that thinks I am a liar on that part, no, I do not like threesomes.

1:01:48 Adam You can't call yourself a man anymore, Ron. You have two kids that you're not raising. That's not a man. You're not a man. You're just someone who takes up air, takes up space and craps in the ocean. Just go eat something, would you? And just settle in, crack another beer. Just do whatever you got to do to get by. Go ask your Wiccan goddess about not raising your kids. Go find that one. Find the passage in that Wiccan cookbook you got over there that says it's okay not to raise your family. And then read that and you'll feel better, all right? But whatever you do, Ron, Ron, whatever you do, don't change. That's the important thing. What you got going right now, that's perfect. You have two kids who have been taken away from you. You have a crazy half lesbian wife and a crappy dead end job. Don't change, brother. That's my point. Don't change one iota and never stop blaming everyone but yourself. All right, Ron? Promise me you'll do that. All right. Thank you, brother. That's all I can hope for. That's all you want out of life. Isn't it true?

1:02:54 Okay.

1:02:55 Adam And here's the thing, too. As far as I don't blame guys like Ron. Ron's an idiot. Ron, I'm sure, grew up with a possum for a mom and a cider jug for a dad. Ron is as dumb as the day is long, and he hooks up miraculously enough with a woman who's a victim of abuse and I'm sure is as dumb as a mop handle, and then cranks out a couple of kids and we can let the cycle of abuse begin all over again. I'm not mad at Ron. What are you going to do? That's what society is full of, Ron. What about the government? What about the people in power? Are they not interested in this topic at all? Are they not interested in what's going to happen to these two kids? They don't realize the impact socially and financially that these kids are going to have. They don't realize that it's Ron's son that's going to end up putting a knife in their son, that it's Ron's daughter that's going to end up crapping out more kids that are raising an abusive environment. They don't realize that this is all our problems, that every goddamn problem they complain about, and it's always the same thing, and whatever it is, every problem, it's like, hey, listen, don't, don't, if you want to kill yourself, don't park your car in the commuter train tracks. That's, that's his son. Hey, when you're changing your car oil, don't just unscrew the pan bolt and dump it into the drain there. It ends up in the, into the sewer. It ends up in the ocean. Who do you think that is?

1:04:25 Drew Yeah.

1:04:26 Adam Hey, methamphetamines, not, not the roads of success. Hey, we need, we need, we need this work camp. We need juvenile detention centers. We need prisons. We need rehabs. We need, we need food stamps. We need welfare. Who's all these people? Drew's kids? Is that where it's going? Hey, you better lock your door at night. Why? Because one of Drew's kids is out on a rampage. Hey, you better, don't leave your purse on your car seat. No, they'll bust the window and take that. Who's that? Drew's kids? Who's going to do that? Who's going to do it?

1:05:03 Drew Who?

1:05:04 Adam Of course. Of course, this is who's going to do it. Of course. It's not their fault now. They're for, they're victims. It will be their fault in about 10, 12 years and we'll lock them up. And they'll hopefully spit out a few kids before they go in the joint. And we spent a few million bucks processing them as they go in and out. Parole officers, stenographers, judges, court appointed attorneys, the whole system, even the building it takes place in. Think about it everybody. Nobody's interested. Bush got a plan for social welfare reform. He's got a plan for social security reform. He's got some ideas on some tariffs and some taxes. It's never this. It's never this. It's everything but this. And then every once in a while, they shout out some ism like, no child should be left behind. What does that mean? Right. Wait, left behind? What do you mean? No, these kids shouldn't have been born. These victims shouldn't be mating. Of course, that's what every problem goes back to. Please, once in a while, you get some, you know, Jewish publicist that has a few too many cosmopolitan's and hops her SUV on the curb and runs out, runs over a few people. That, that, that is few and far between. It's the Ron's of the world we got to focus on and it's their offspring. How come no one brings it up? How come no one wants to do anything about it?

1:06:37 Drew It's weird, isn't it?

1:06:39 Adam It's, it's, it's sort of, it's like the silence is deafening. It's bizarre that it never gets brought up. Politicians don't even sort of allude to it. It's just sort of, we need better kids. We need, we need better schools. We need, we need, we need welfare reform. Nobody, and they do this. They work on the, they work on the part that's, of course, BS. No child should be left behind. No child should be, these ones are locked in their bathroom. How are you going to find them? What do you mean left behind? They're not out of the house. They're drinking toilet water and eating Crest, which still tastes better than those little hearts, Drew.

1:07:18 Drew They do, I'm sure of it.

1:07:20 Adam Little Valentine's hearts with the little things on it that you can't read. Yeah, but the point, the point, I didn't mean to disturb you, Drew, but bring up the kind of imagery. The point is, what do you mean they're not going to be left behind? Of course they're going to be left behind. There could be millions of kids left behind. Yeah, and I know as a politician, you do that BS where you go, no child should. Yeah, none of them should. It's just most of them are and you're not going to do anything about it. Obviously, there's not enough schools, there's not enough prisons, there's not enough counselors to ever address this problem. The only way it can be addressed is let's have the tards quit spitting out the tards. Nobody wants to talk about that. Oh, no. Now, we got to get a little tsunami relief going and then we want to talk about gay marriage till everyone's blue in the face. What about gay marriage? Yeah, that's important. Drew, that gay marriage, it really affects you, doesn't it? Huge, huge, huge. Yeah, forget about Ron coming in through your kitchen window, hopped up on a speed looking to grab something. That doesn't affect you, but the gay marriage paramount. That's huge. Oh, my God. Talk about impact. That's huge. That's all.

1:08:35 Drew It's something I'm deeply concerned about, too. You know what I mean? I care very much which way it goes.

1:08:41 Adam Yes. We should talk about gay marriage and then physician-assisted suicide. That's another big one.

1:08:48 Caller Yeah.

1:08:49 Adam We'll talk about all that stuff.

1:08:50 Drew These things take much to bay because they're all slippery slopes.

1:08:53 Adam Very, very slippery and very impactful. Yeah, we should all talk about that until we're blue in the face, but no one will ever talk about what the real problem is, which is these kids.

1:09:03 Caller All right.

1:09:04 Adam Feeling good, everybody?

1:09:05 Caller Yeah.

1:09:06 Adam All right. Ron is a delight.

1:09:09 Caller I know.

1:09:10 Adam A delight in those kids.

1:09:11 Drew We spent 20 minutes on him.

1:09:13 Adam When do we start hating his kids?

1:09:15 Drew I don't know.

1:09:15 Adam You can't hate them now. They're, you know, four and five.

1:09:18 Drew They're abuse survivors now.

1:09:20 Adam Yeah, but soon, soon they go from victim to victimizer. And what do you think? Hey, you know, conservative estimate on what Ron's kids run us. Million and a half each.

1:09:33 Drew Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

1:09:34 Adam In and out of the joint, cranking out kids, welfare. Hey, I bet Ron's son cranks out a few kids with a few different ladies still. How about that?

1:09:44 Drew That would be great.

1:09:45 Adam Yeah.

1:09:46 Drew Awesome.

1:09:47 Adam Awesome.

1:09:47 Caller All right.

1:09:48 Adam Let's go to Canada, everybody. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:09:53 Caller Hello, is this your radio?

1:09:56 Love Line will be right back.

1:10:15 Adam Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Dr. Drew in Washington, DC tonight. Yeah.

1:10:25 Drew Yup.

1:10:26 Adam All right.

1:10:26 Drew Yup.

1:10:27 Adam Phone number. It's a good radio, Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er, Jen Sheft in here tomorrow night. She is the bachelorette. And let's just shift gears here. Tonight, everyone who calls this show and gets on the air, who's 18 years of age or over, gets themselves a Saw DVD, Danny Glover, Carrie Elwes, a fantastically scary DVD. And we will not only give you that DVD, we will be entered to qualify for a trip to England. Derbyshire, Derbyshire, Derbyshire, England, where you get to go to a big heavy metal concert called Bloodstock. And yeah, you get that Saw out on DVD. That's February 15th is when it comes out on DVD. What is that? Middle of next week, early Tuesday of next week. That's when it comes out. All right, Drew?

1:11:27 Drew Yeah.

1:11:28 Adam All right, you ready to go?

1:11:29 Drew Yeah.

1:11:31 Adam Okay, let's talk to, poor Lacey. You know, we were going to take her for like the second call of the night, I didn't want to talk to her. She's been on hold for 107 minutes.

1:11:44 Drew Adam, you're cruel, brutal.

1:11:46 Adam I'm going to blame that on you. Lacey? Yeah. Hey, it's Adam.

1:11:51 Hello.

1:11:52 Adam Yeah, sorry about, you know, what Drew did. But you're 19. Go ahead.

1:11:58 Caller Yeah, for about a year, I've been having pain in my ovary, I suspect. And I've had ultrasounds and doctors and nothing.

1:12:10 Drew Well, it's not your ovary. There's nothing going on with your ovary, right?

1:12:13 Caller Um, I guess.

1:12:14 Drew I'm not sure. Where's the pain?

1:12:16 Caller Um, it's like directly. I mean, I could feel it.

1:12:18 Drew Where?

1:12:20 Adam Um, where's the pain? Where's the pain? I can feel it.

1:12:25 Drew It's directly where I can feel it.

1:12:27 Adam Wow. Well, now that we know exactly where the pain is.

1:12:31 Caller It's, um, in my stomach, like, where it is, because I've had a baby and everything, so.

1:12:39 Adam All right.

1:12:39 Caller I know where all the stuff is.

1:12:41 Adam You know where the stuff is.

1:12:42 Caller Yeah.

1:12:43 Drew But where, describe to me, just so I understand what you're talking about.

1:12:46 Caller On the lower left.

1:12:50 Drew All right. There's a lot of other things there on the lower left side besides your ovaries. Yeah. So you got colon and sigmoid colon. You can get diverticuli and constipation. All kinds of these cause discomfort down there. Your tubes are down there, too. They can get inflamed and infected. The uterus, they're coming into mitriosis. A lot of different things. So, okay, so you have some pain there. That needs to be further worked out. It's something you should be worried about.

1:13:11 Caller Okay, it's like a stabbing pain. Like it's been going on all day. It almost makes me fall over. Like how's that work?

1:13:18 Drew At what point in the cycle are you here?

1:13:20 Caller I actually haven't had a period since May. Cause it's depo.

1:13:25 Drew You need to finish the work up here. You need to figure out what's going on. The bigger issue is why you're not having the period.

1:13:31 I'm on depo.

1:13:32 Drew Well, that's why you're not having the period.

1:13:34 Adam Where's, how old's your youngin?

1:13:37 Caller She is almost two.

1:13:39 Adam Almost two, wow.

1:13:40 Yeah.

1:13:40 Adam Pregnant, like 16, 17. What about any dad around?

1:13:46 Caller Yeah. Not right now, but yeah, he's...

1:13:49 Adam Sure. Yeah. Where's he at?

1:13:53 Caller He's at work.

1:13:54 Adam Oh, he's at work?

1:13:55 Drew Sure.

1:13:55 Adam He works at night and you work during the day?

1:13:58 Caller Yeah.

1:13:59 Adam All right.

1:13:59 Drew Who takes care of the kid?

1:14:01 Caller I'm going to daycare.

1:14:04 Daycare she's going to?

1:14:06 Adam Okay. And you guys gonna get married?

1:14:09 I don't know.

1:14:11 Drew Adam, that's a commitment. How dare you? A child's one thing, but marriage, that's a commitment.

1:14:16 Adam He doesn't want to...

1:14:17 Caller He doesn't get along that well, so...

1:14:19 Adam Yeah. Here's the whole thing. I don't know any 19 year old couple who... Okay. Here's what I want to say. So you got to go to the doctor.

1:14:27 Drew Yeah. I'm waiting to keep going. And he probably needs to get off that depro and get on something else.

1:14:31 Yeah.

1:14:33 Drew Yeah.

1:14:33 Adam Go ahead.

1:14:33 Drew Not supposed to be on there more than five years anyway.

1:14:36 Adam 19 year old, she's 19. Has she been on it since 14?

1:14:40 Drew Probably been on it since her pregnancy.

1:14:42 Adam All right. Well, that might be two years or so. She wouldn't have gotten on it until after she gave birth, right?

1:14:49 Drew Right. No, right. That's two years, but you want to save it.

1:14:52 Adam Okay. Oh, you mean all you get is five years total?

1:14:56 Drew Yep.

1:14:57 Adam So if I was on depo, you know, six months here and then a year later, I was on it for six months again, that would add up to a year.

1:15:03 Drew They're just saying not more. Yeah, they're saying not more than five years.

1:15:06 Adam Combined.

1:15:07 Drew So they've not been explicit about whether continuous or combined, but they're just saying five years now.

1:15:12 Adam Seems weird though. It seems, I know I'm hanging on this, but I mean.

1:15:16 Drew It does seem like it'll be worse. It's worse continuously, but it's about cumulative bone loss is the problem. And that's, you know, it's a time issue.

1:15:25 Adam Here's the thing with the 19 year olds and kids and relationships. 19 year old couples don't really get along that well after about six months anyway. It's just the nature of being 19. And that's 19 if you're both in college and you got money and you're tailgating and things are cool and all you have to do, your first class is at noon. Even those couples don't get along that well. She's living a sorority, he's in a fraternity. Those couples don't get along that well. You take 19 year old couples, now you put a kid into the mix. Someone's got to work a graveyard shift. Someone's got to work the early morning shift. You're living together in a crappy apartment. How long before you guys don't get along so well?

1:16:08 Drew 11 minutes.

1:16:10 Adam Yeah, that's outside. It's more like nine minutes. That's why you can't crap out kids when you're 17. You can't take that kind of stress. You're not built for it.

1:16:22 Drew By the way, don't you think that we're talking about some other people? We would be in that same soup. You and I.

1:16:29 Adam Absolutely.

1:16:29 Drew Yeah, I mean, a human at 19, including ourselves, not meant for it.

1:16:34 Adam No, no, and I'm gifted. I'm special.

1:16:38 Drew We are genius.

1:16:40 Adam Literally, oh no, wait a minute. Yes, I'm a genius who's now literally a millionaire. And even I couldn't take the rigors of this test. You know what I mean? Yeah. Okay. And here's the other thing too. Here's why, here's another reason why you argue a lot at 19 and you're miserable.

1:16:58 Caller You're, you're hap-

1:17:00 Adam Drew, the difference between, could you imagine you and your wife and your triplets and you're all living in a small, crappy apartment and the kids are all sharing the same room and you have no space and you don't have your own office or anything and there's one TV and there's one DVD player and if you want to watch something at night, too bad because the kids want to watch something else and the old lady wants to watch something else and there's no money and you're eating macaroni and cheese and the old lady's freaking out on you because the electric bill didn't get paid in time and now you got to go pay it in person, you can't send it in, they've sent a note, they're gonna shut the thing. That's where they are. I mean, how miserable would you be?

1:17:46 Drew How much would you be arguing? The argument and the abuse, that's where it all starts.

1:17:51 Adam Yes, you need money, you need space, you need room, you need money to pay for the kids' braces, you need room as a guy, you got to go upstairs, you have to have your own spankatorium upstairs. You need that.

1:18:11 Drew Am I right? Yeah, you need it.

1:18:14 Adam Alright, let's talk to Dustin from Woodland Hills. 24, Dustin?

1:18:21 Adam.

1:18:22 Adam Been on hold for two minutes, but you disagree with me, so I put you on immediately.

1:18:26 Awesome, well I just had to say, I had to call and I heard your conversation with Ron, the Wiccan, which, you know, he's not gonna win any Parent of the Year awards anytime soon, I'm sure. But the reason I had a little problem with you is because I always agree with you most of the time, I think 99% is probably the first time I've ever gone, oh my god, I can't believe Adam said that. And my problem was that you kind of chastised him for being a Wiccan, and I just think that I'm not a Wiccan myself, but freedom of religion is a great thing.

1:18:57 Adam Well I know, because you're not fat and you're not a lesbian.

1:19:00 No, either or both.

1:19:00 Adam But go ahead, that's how I knew you weren't a Wiccan, you're male, you weren't obese and you weren't a chick. You weren't a lesbian.

1:19:07 That's where my problem lies, is that the reason I kind of felt strongly about that was because I've met a few Wiccans in my day, didn't know they were Wiccans when I met them. And when I found out I was caught in my own little kind of dilemma of judging and thinking what's wrong with these people. So I've done some reading and kind of found out it's not like a horrible riding on broomstick kind of thing.

1:19:30 Adam No, I know. Look, whenever the Wiccan religion is described to me, it's about the earth, it's about taking care of the earth. It ends up, it's basically, yeah, it's called recycling. If you make recycling into a religion, it would be the Wiccan religion. I don't care anything about anyone. Look, here's the thing. People that, you know, born-again Christians are nuts, Hasidic Jews are nuts, the Muslims are nuts, they're all idiots. I mean, let's face it.

1:20:06 Caller I feel a lot better now that you've cleared that up.

1:20:08 Adam Oh, of course. They're all just weak idiots.

1:20:11 Caller Because of all you're not hitting one religious faith.

1:20:13 Adam No. Look, I yelled at Ron because, okay, here's what's going on. First off, the Child Protective Services weren't coming down on him because of his religion. They're coming down on him because they had a family of possum living in a fold-out sofa in a trailer that they lived in with the kids. And the kids were eating top ramen for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and bathing in a horse trough in the back. That's why they're coming down on him. Obviously, if Child Protective Services took kids away for every time somebody had a religious belief, they'd be sued right out of existence.

1:20:51 Caller Yes, exactly.

1:20:54 Drew But I think what you're saying, though, also is that when religious orientations, which I guarantee you are not endorsed by any kind of organized operation, begin to interfere with the functioning of the family and create dangerous environments for people in a healthy environment, then cut it out.

1:21:11 Adam I was putting it, thank you, I was putting it in, I was, I knew that wasn't what was going on, but I didn't want to argue with Ron because all these people, first thing stupid people do is they do anything not to change. So their whole thing is like, yeah, well, my boss fired me. Well, why did he fire me? No reason. What do you mean no reason? He's got it out for me. Like you hear these stories, you just realize this is an idiot. Obviously you did something wrong. I do the work of five guys and he fired me because he's jealous. Like, yeah, yeah, that's what he does. That's how he runs a business. He gets a guy that does the work of five people and he S-cans him. All good CEOs do this, by the way. All Fortune 500 companies run the same way. Now, of course they weren't doing it because idiot Ron was into the Wiccan religion. I knew that. I wasn't going to be able to talk him out of it and that's why I yelled at him. If that's why your kids can't come into your house, then why don't you drop it, prioritize and focus on your kids? Right. Put your Wiccan religion aside, even though I knew that's why it wasn't the reason. Put it aside and focus on your kids for 10 minutes. That's all. All right, Dustin. And listen, people get offended with my religious talk. I'm offended with your retarded religious talk. Who cares? And should we? I'm done having respect with everybody and their stupid ideas. Just shut up, everybody. Put your crosses in your shirts, take your yarmulkes off, put them in your ass and just shut up. Tired of hearing about your stupid fairy tales. Please, you're ruining the world. Course. All right, where are we, Drew? I'm angry now.

1:22:54 Drew You got his team.

1:22:55 Caller Yeah.

1:22:56 Adam Dustin over here, the wiccan man. Dustin, are you good now?

1:23:01 Caller I'm very good. Can I just thank Drew for something really quick?

1:23:05 Adam Go ahead.

1:23:06 Caller Drew, I want to just thank you for how pro 12-step fellowship you are, and I think you do a great service to your listeners.

1:23:13 Drew Well, appreciate that.

1:23:14 Adam All right, everybody, here's a deal. Here's your religion. Get a job, fight to keep it. Don't screw with anybody and then leave your retarded beliefs at home when you go to work, would you? All right. Hey, but Drew.

1:23:26 Drew Hey.

1:23:27 Adam You know how you know there's a God.

1:23:29 Drew How's that?

1:23:30 Adam Who could have created all this?

1:23:32 Drew That's right.

1:23:32 Adam Who could have created Ron?

1:23:34 Drew The rational plan here.

1:23:35 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I always loved that one. Like, geez, I don't know. I don't see any existence of God. Oh yeah. Who put the universe there? Oh, oh yeah. Yeah. That's right. Oh, in the ocean. How do you think that got there? Smarty pants. If someone didn't put it there. Yeah. Now it's all making sense. Right, Drew?

1:23:57 Drew Of course.

1:23:58 Adam Yeah. He couldn't, couldn't have got Mount Fuji there without someone sticking it there.

1:24:02 Drew You know, there was a philosopher in the 17th century, 18th century who said, well, if it's infinitely powerful and infinitely perfect God, how do you know it isn't just some wayward God that was a reject, this was his reject universe. You know what I mean?

1:24:14 Adam Could have been, yeah.

1:24:15 Drew Right. This is just somebody, this is a big mistake he made.

1:24:18 Adam Earth could have been some crappy outpost he was assigned to because he was punished for being such an f-up in the deity world. Is that true?

1:24:25 Drew Yes.

1:24:26 Adam All right. But anyway, we're all his creatures. He's got a plan for everybody. And again, how could the ocean have gotten there or the solar system been put there if not for somebody putting it there? It all makes sense, especially if you're a scientist. Yes?

1:24:40 Drew Of course.

1:24:41 Caller Yeah.

1:24:41 Adam Had to be put there.

1:24:43 Caller All right.

1:24:43 Adam Well, I mean, a guy put it there, obviously.

1:24:45 Drew Yeah. An intelligent being.

1:24:47 Adam He set everything up. Yeah. Yeah. He's the guy who, you know, put the rings around Saturn and made the moon out of cheese. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. And that's Dr. Drew, out in Washington, D.C.

1:25:25 Drew Yeah.

1:25:26 Caller Yeah.

1:25:28 Drew Why?

1:25:29 Adam Got up early this morning. Oh, yeah? Nothing more painful, by the way. Yeah. Is there?

1:25:36 Drew Yeah, you're right. And it stays with you all day, too. It's the gift that keeps on giving, one of the many.

1:25:41 Adam Yeah, I mean, I mean, you know, yeah, there's toothaches and headaches and stuff like that, but just in general, in terms of things you don't want to do, in terms of things you haven't really gotten past. I mean, think about all those things, Drew. You've used to loathe these things, but now you've adjusted, you've overcome, you've got a little therapy, you're better now, you're all right, but getting up really early still sucks no matter what.

1:26:07 Drew That's true.

1:26:08 Adam And yeah, that's what happened. You know, I went to bed at like two o'clock, I got up at like seven this morning and my eyes hurt the whole day.

1:26:17 Drew Right, yes.

1:26:18 Adam Here's the deal, your eyes hurt, your head has a little bit of ringing in it, you're about 80% effective, you're just miserable.

1:26:26 Drew Yeah.

1:26:27 Adam Like it's like somebody just put a seed in your shoe and you just sort of walked around all day feeling it. Like you could still work and stuff, but it's not gonna be a good day. And all you wanna do is get the hell out of there.

1:26:41 Drew Yeah.

1:26:42 Adam All right. Should he spank his kids? Let's talk. Someone's been on hold for 65 minutes. Kelly.

1:26:50 Hey, how are you?

1:26:51 Adam 17. What's going on? I like you immediately.

1:26:54 Caller Really? Why is that?

1:26:56 Adam Because you're loose and you're like, hey, how are you? How you doing?

1:27:00 Well, because we had a busy night, so it's a little bad for you guys. Dealing with Ron and Lincoln and things like that.

1:27:05 Adam So difficult. What's up?

1:27:08 I've noticed that I've started to bleed a little bit after sex or after I masturbate. It's not a lot of blood, but it is noticeable. I was wondering if you knew anything.

1:27:17 Drew Are you on the pill?

1:27:19 Yes, I am.

1:27:19 Drew That's a common thing when people are on the pill.

1:27:21 Really?

1:27:22 Drew Yeah.

1:27:24 Okay, so.

1:27:25 Drew No, it doesn't mean anything. You've been on it a long time?

1:27:28 Yeah, I have.

1:27:29 Drew And you didn't used to get this?

1:27:31 No, it's always happened. Ever since the first time, I mean, I thought it was normal the first couple of times, obviously, but it's been two years.

1:27:38 Drew Two years that you've been on the pill and having the bleeding? Yes. Yeah, it basically means you have some unstable lining of the uterus and the birth control pill is a good way to get that. And some women, even when they're not on the pill, will get this just with sex and or sexual activity.

1:27:53 Adam Why do you have the pill so long? 15? Hold on. 15, you have a boyfriend?

1:28:00 No, not right now.

1:28:02 Drew But two years on the pill?

1:28:03 Yes.

1:28:04 Drew How come?

1:28:06 Offer on relationships that helps stabilize my period, things like that.

1:28:12 Adam All right, sweetie pea. You going to college?

1:28:15 Yes, definitely.

1:28:16 Adam Where?

1:28:17 Caller Well, I'm looking up in San Francisco at the California Institute of Culinary Arts.

1:28:22 Adam Nice. That's good. Get up there and rattle them pots and pans. I believe all broads should go to cooking school. That's me. Cooking in school.

1:28:31 Drew I hear Michelle laughing in the background there.

1:28:34 Adam Well, she's with me. That's why. Listen, I got to tell you, I've had a ass full of women. Here's the thing. Women decided like 30 years ago, it was passe for them to learn how to cook or sew or do any of these domestic things. That would be fine if they put something in its place, like making a ton of money or something. They never replaced it with anything. They just announced, it's like a farmer going, we were agrarian culture and, is that right Drew? Agrarian. Yeah. We're coming out of the fields now, and we're moving into the house to watch TV. No, you got to go into the office. That's where you got to go. Women are like, no more of this cooking, no more of this sewing. Yeah, no, no more. Yeah, but you got to do something else, right? No, just no more cooking and sewing. That's what my wife said. And I was like, I'm not going to do that. Yeah, but now you got to do something else though, right? No.

1:29:34 Drew She worked, come on.

1:29:35 Adam Oh, please. How dare you? Somebody got her cooking classes. I was like, oh, thank Christ. You got cooking classes. And then she announced me the other night. I say to her like every couple of weeks, how about that cooking class? You're going to take that cooking class? And she goes, no, but I'm seriously considering taking a hip hop class.

1:29:59 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:30:00 Adam That's a lot of good. That's going to do to buy your shoes.

1:30:04 Drew That's good.

1:30:05 Adam Yeah, it's great. It's great. It's awesome. It's awesome. All right. What were you yapping about, Drew?

1:30:11 Drew About what? I don't know.

1:30:12 Adam I don't know. What were you talking about?

1:30:14 Drew When?

1:30:15 Adam Cooking? Sewing? Yeah. All right. Where are we? I'm going down here. Someone's been on hold for 61 minutes. Let's see. Wait a minute. I screwed that up. Hold on. Susie?

1:30:28 Hello?

1:30:29 Adam You're 23?

1:30:31 Caller Yes.

1:30:31 Adam What's up?

1:30:33 Caller Well, Dr. Drew, a couple of weeks ago, you made a comment to somebody who endured many years of abuse and she was in a stable relationship. You made a comment to her that a lot of times, when you find the right person, it can cause you to shut down if it interacts with things that happen in your past.

1:30:54 Drew It's not quite yet, but keep going.

1:30:57 Caller I'm sorry. It was a couple of weeks ago. It just started making me think about things in my past, and I'm wondering if I should pursue therapy for them, and I'm not really sure how to do so.

1:31:09 Drew If you were a trauma survivor, it affects how your brain is configured, and it will affect how you experience relationships, how you maintain relationships, how you grow and develop and regulate, and there's absolutely no reason in the world that you shouldn't have that treated if it's affecting you. It just doesn't make any sense to me. It's so bizarre in our culture. If you'd broken your leg when you were a kid and you needed a few years of physical therapy, you'd get it. You'd be running on it. And by the way, people would be applauding your great commitment that you go out and work out every day on your leg and you make sure that you're going to overcome that problem and you're going to get back up on skis again and whatever. The same thing is true with our brain. And somehow because it's our brain, no, no, no. Sorry, we'll have none of that.

1:31:56 Adam Well, what would Bush do?

1:32:01 Drew He'd go to 12-step meetings. And that's good.

1:32:03 Adam Yeah. Yeah. What would Dr. Phil tell you to do?

1:32:06 Drew Oh, he'd say just decide to change. You just got to decide to change.

1:32:10 Adam You got to get up. You got to dust yourself off. You got to take a long look in the mirror and you got to decide to change. I can't change for you. And all the people wishing you'd change around you aren't going to make you change. There's only one person that can change Susie's life. And that person's name is Susie.

1:32:32 Drew Oh, really?

1:32:34 Adam Idiots. What is that? Who decided it was okay to just be just, everyone's just a big ass blowhard now. I was like, please. You want to lose weight, you're going to have to burn more calories. And you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you.

1:32:51 Drew The fact is, once you do decide you want to change, that's great. Now you got to go do the work and get the help. That's just the moment of change is the moment we decide to start getting better. Now spend the next few years getting better. Go ahead, Susie. It takes, takes some time, but go ahead. Any, a general therapist will help you with this. Should somebody well trained, somebody with a PhD or a PsyD or an LCSW. What state are you calling from?

1:33:12 Adam She's in Portland, Oregon.

1:33:13 Drew Portland, Oregon. Probably want a PsyD or a PhD.

1:33:17 Adam You, you want to lose weight. Now I can't exercise for you. Okay.

1:33:24 Drew Really? No, you can't.

1:33:25 Adam Hold on, hold on. Slow down, slow down, slow down because I was led to believe that you could exercise for me but only on the treadmill, not the stair stepper. That's not correct then. No, right.

1:33:37 Drew That's right.

1:33:38 Adam No, no, I, I'm not going to be there to get you out of bed every morning and tell you to jog. I'm not going to be there when you have to decide where to have that second piece of pie or to have a piece of fruit for dessert. I, oh, hold on, slow down, slow down. Not going to be in my bedroom in the morning. Cannot, did you say can exercise for me? I'm confused. All right, let's take a break. We'll be right back after this.

1:34:24 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:34:38 Adam Well, that's a show. Jen Shepp in here tomorrow night. She is the Bachelorette. Good looking blonde, Drew. Too bad you don't miss her. That's your wheelhouse, brother. Well, it'll be all me and Jen making sweet, sweet music in here in a mere 22 hours. So, Drew, try not to talk. Until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew's saying, Mahalo. Would you quiet down and stop cramping on my theory like a Pegasus?

1:35:09 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, February 9, 2005