Episode 1000680499833

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline, with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:21 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Fund Number 1-800-L-L-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Dictionary Medicine Specialist. Tonight, Sadie Allison is our guest. She's a penis expert.

1:35 Drew Penis genius, as you put it.

1:37 Adam Penis genius. Yeah, sort of rhymes. I gave a little slug line for her Ticklish Pickle. That was your last book, right?

1:46 Caller That was my brand new one.

1:47 Adam Your brand new one, which is still your last one?

1:49 Caller Yes.

1:50 Adam And how many penis related books if you author?

1:54 Caller Just this one, actually.

1:55 Adam Oh, really?

1:56 Caller All the books actually are related to penises in some way, but this one is all about pleasing the man.

2:01 Drew Speaking of penis, what is this thing I'm holding?

2:03 Caller That's the Blushing Kitty Vibrator.

2:05 Drew And it's got, look at this thing on the tip here, Adam. It's got like a counterweight that spins.

2:09 Caller That's the actual motor that makes the vibration.

2:12 Drew How do you turn this thing on?

2:14 Adam We got to put batteries in it.

2:15 Drew Let's go for it or is it? Oh, there she goes.

2:17 Caller Wow.

2:18 Drew Oh my God.

2:18 Caller See, it's the, you got to put the bottom on tight because it's waterproof too.

2:22 Adam Oh really?

2:23 Caller So you squeeze the whole cap on real tight and then the very bottom of the dial at the very base spins.

2:27 Adam Sweet.

2:27 Caller You have to be tricky.

2:28 Adam Yeah, because the rains have really been hittin hard out here and my last vibrator went up and smoked, Drew. I was out, remember when it was really teeming about three weeks ago?

2:37 Drew It got torched?

2:37 Adam Yeah, I was out workin myself out in the yard and just a poof of smoke came out. Yeah.

2:46 Caller What's neat about the, uh, uh-oh.

2:48 Drew The vibrator did that?

2:49 Adam Seemed like it.

2:50 Caller The little motor, Drew, that you were pointing out, that's what actually makes the vibration inside vibrators is it's got an imbalanced piece of metal so when it spins, it's actually offset and that's what makes the vibration.

3:01 Adam Yeah, it's like that ashtray you're making on the potter's wheel that gets a little out of alignment. Yeah, if you shove the whole potter's wheel up, yeah, that's what it would be like. And, you know, when you get a vibrator, let me say this, this is a nice looking vibrator. It's not intimidating. You got to turn it tight, Drew.

3:19 Caller It's tricky.

3:21 Adam Yeah. Nice. Yeah.

3:22 Caller That's actually a really nice vibrator because the motor's at the tip, unlike most of them where they're towards the base. So when you're using this on a woman, we like the strength at the tip on the very tip of some of our body parts.

3:33 Adam Sure.

3:34 Caller Yeah, and it's waterproof so you can take it right in the tub on Valentine's Day.

3:37 Drew Now, notice you put the dura cells in here, Adam.

3:39 Adam Yeah.

3:39 Drew You've warned against that.

3:40 Adam Yeah. I worry about the NiCads when you're using them on the lady there. They go a little nutty. You know what I mean? I like to just get the sort of cheap ones from Hong Kong, you know, with the picture of the cat on them or something. I like when you buy one, Drew. You ever buy a vibrator? They test them out. They will fire them up at the store. They have to.

4:02 Drew They always have a microphone for announcements. They do this kind of thing, too. Oh, yeah.

4:06 Adam No, what it is, is if you go to one of those adult stores, you can buy a vibrator. The guy behind the counter is awesome looking, by the way, has to fire. The guy is like morbidly obese with the fanny pack and the cutoff sweats and the flip-flop.

4:20 Drew It's a DJ for my strip bar?

4:21 Adam Yeah. He has to fire the thing up and let you test it out a little bit because there's no returns on it. And what they don't want you doing is taking the thing home, saying, I put batteries in, never did a thing. What do you want me to do? You know? So they fire it up for you right there and of course no returns. But is there a guy, and I got to believe, I don't know if my mom has a vibrator, but if she did, she would be one of the people who attempted to return it. You know what I mean? Like she would want her $9.95 back.

4:47 Drew She would have to buy one at a garage sale first.

4:49 Adam First she would get one off eBay. No, no. Here's it. First she would get a computer to garage sale.

4:55 Drew Even Sadie objected to that one.

4:57 Caller Yeah.

4:58 Adam Then she would use a computer, the used computer to get it off of eBay. All right, Drew.

5:03 Drew Wait a minute.

5:04 Adam What are you doing? Drew, I'm not going to help you. If you're going to pull stuff out of the bag and talk about it, then you've got to talk about it. I'm not going to clarify it. All right.

5:11 Drew What is this? This is a blue... The Blue Betty. Betty.

5:14 Adam That's the Blue Betty.

5:15 Drew What is it? It's a gelatinous... Well, there it is. It broke out of the container.

5:19 There it is.

5:20 Drew What does it do?

5:21 Caller That is a male self-pleasureizer.

5:24 Really?

5:25 Caller Yeah. There's lots of toys out for men these days that people don't even realize there's many toys for guys and couples, not just the girls. So this particular blue Betty, you lube it up with some slippery kitty lube. And it's very stretchy and there is a tube.

5:39 I don't need it to stretch. It's good.

5:42 Adam I need that to be taken in a little bit.

5:44 Caller Oh, that's so sad.

5:46 Adam Can you cuff it at the bottom?

5:47 Drew Yeah, yeah.

5:47 Adam The drag is going to be dragging.

5:48 Drew That's what this little bolo is for.

5:52 Adam Just put a couple zip ties around it. Get a nice clamp down on it.

5:55 Caller So the reason I have that in the Tickle His Pickle pleasure kit, which is all toys for pleasing your man for Valentine's Day, is not only is it a nice, different sensation for a man than a woman using her hands for manual stimulation. So that's different. But also it's a secret tool for women who have gagging reflexes when they're giving oral love.

6:15 Adam You mean you put this around the guy's joint and that way she doesn't get too low on it? Exactly.

6:20 Drew What's the grammar?

6:21 Caller Very good. Some people just can't. How do you do that? It's a buffer. It's like putting a tie around it.

6:27 Adam I'm a honker device genius. It's like the Liar's Club for pervs.

6:32 Drew Wait, but how does it?

6:32 Adam Where's Dick Gaudier? Go ahead, Drew.

6:35 Drew How does it pleasure guys?

6:36 Adam Well, no, here's how it works. You masturbate with it. Now, this thing feels like a jello that is sort of dried. And it's about four inches long. It's about an inch and a quarter around. It's got a hole in there. You put your peckeroo through there. You get to pull it down a little. In my case, let a little bit hang out at the top. And then, the woman services the top part of the peckeroo, not ever going too low to get the gag reflex.

7:03 Drew Now, I get that it sort of helps her.

7:05 Adam Yeah.

7:05 Drew But how does this...

7:06 Adam It doesn't help you. It helps you in the sense that you're getting a BJ from someone you normally wouldn't get a BJ from.

7:11 Caller That's one way to use it. What's the other one? Or when she's at work or out of town and he's horny, he can use that to masturbate with.

7:18 Adam How about he bangs her sister?

7:20 Caller So you hold onto it and you do this with it.

7:23 Drew I see.

7:24 Adam You don't know how to masturbate? I'm doing hand motions. What kind of math needs to be done for you?

7:29 Drew It doesn't look like it's something that would move. You know what I mean? It looks like it would be too tight.

7:33 Adam You lube it up with a little Hello Kitty. Slippery Kitty lube. A little Slippery Kitty in there. Put a little Slippery Kitty in there. You put your joint through there and you beat yourself dry.

7:45 Drew It just looks too tight like it wouldn't move.

7:47 Adam And then 18 months later you come down with penile cancer.

7:49 Drew I see.

7:51 Adam Smell this thing. It smells like a tire plant. It's not good. So you're gonna give yourself cancer. You're gonna get scrotal cancer from this thing. All right, so you put, put through, and here's the thing.

8:00 Drew It won't move. By the way, look at the tip.

8:02 What do you mean it won't move?

8:03 Adam You put your penis through one end.

8:05 Drew It's not going through that end.

8:07 Adam It looks like a, It's not going through that. I could get through there. Yeah, no, here's the thing. It looks like a muff for your hand warmer for your penis. It's open on both sides.

8:16 Caller We need background music.

8:20 Adam The hole in the middle is only about the size of a small cigar, but it stretches out. Look at this.

8:27 Drew Yeah, I know I see that.

8:28 Adam You can get through there.

8:29 Drew Get in there.

8:29 Adam Get in.

8:30 Drew Here's the deal.

8:31 Adam Quit talking and get in.

8:33 Caller Bathroom break, he's going to go test it out.

8:35 Drew What I don't see is, I can see how you can get the tip in. I don't see how you can get it past this thing.

8:40 Adam So you push on through, you pull the thing down, you don't use the Hello Kitty lube and you just give it a jerksy there. That's a certain, let me say this, Drew, you join in, you tell me what you think. Most women, I would say most women in a certain age range from this part of the world would probably go for a vibrator. Most women. I mean, you throw out the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Amish and that kind of stuff, but most American women would go for a vibrator. Most women who vibrate certainly would go for it. Most guys, and all of them beat off, there's a very small percentage of them that actually use sort of tools and things. You know what I'm saying?

9:26 Drew To apply to the penis, yet their visual systems are elaborate.

9:30 Adam No, that's, no.

9:30 Drew Think about it.

9:31 Adam Oh, hold on, Drew, stop the presses. Yeah, no ass, Sherlock. But the point is, is that interesting? No, it's not interesting and it's not my point. My point is, is of course every guy looks at porno, but guys never use anything really on themselves. There's a handful of sickos, I might call them, who have the sort of fake vaginas and the inflatable women and, you know, cyber-skinned women and stuff like that. And other guys sort of look at that even more sconce than a woman looks at a woman with a vibrator. Wouldn't you say quite a bit more?

10:04 Drew Absolutely, yes. But isn't it interesting though, that women don't look at anything and yet apply a great deal of technology to their genitalia. Men only look at things, a vast array of technology, through a vast array of technology, and don't have anything except their hand touch the data.

10:21 Caller I think some of that has to do with the fact that men, the way their tools work, it's so much easier for them to be aroused and then just stimulate, whereas women, it takes a lot more to get us warmed up to that point.

10:31 Adam Right.

10:31 Caller And a lot of women don't really know how their whole area works that well, and that's kind of the purpose for my books, which are a lot for newcomers and people who have questions that don't have anybody to ask. But it's still amazing how many women use fibers because they're not quite sure how to just stimulate with their hands, which is the base fundamental skills.

10:50 Adam What's this bolo looking device here?

10:53 Caller It's a piece of rubber.

10:54 Caller That's the lasso. It's an adjustable penis ring.

10:59 Adam Nice.

11:00 Caller And they're awesome.

11:01 Adam Yeah, I mean, instead of just that big brass thing that goes around.

11:04 Caller Yeah, see that way. So if you're just starting off, you can get it on and off real easy. So if you ever get uncomfortable, you can take it off quickly. And this, because it's adjustable with that bead and the length is there, it allows you to wear it two different ways. One way to wear it is at the base.

11:18 Adam Western and country? I see.

11:22 Caller One way to wear it is at the base of your erect penis. So you just slide it down your shaft and that retains the blood. So you have longer, stronger, harder erections and great orgasms. The other way to wear it is all the way around down the bottom, under your bouncing boys and up around the top of your shaft. Get the whole package.

11:42 Adam Yeah. I see that every once in a while. Why would why do you want to get the nuts involved?

11:47 Caller Because well, here's the thing is when you do that, and Drew, you can come in here with me is it holds the orgasm back because what you're doing is you're entraping more blood in your penis and your testicles. And so for guys who actually orgasm too quickly, this actually helps keep it because in order for you to climax, your ejaculate has to travel through all the tubes and through your testicles and up through your shaft.

12:13 Drew No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's all the stuff stored in the seminal vesicles. And it comes out right by the prostate. And if you tie that, it still comes out, just goes up in your bladder.

12:22 Caller Well, it breaks through. So like while you're...

12:24 Adam Maybe Drew is the penis genius.

12:26 Caller He's a penis genius too.

12:27 Drew Where's my anatomy book? Chris.

12:29 Adam No, no, no, Chris was beating off to it and took it home. All right. So what else? What else we got? I don't care what else we got. Let's take some calls. We'll get into this stuff.

12:39 Drew What did you announce? Your newest book?

12:41 Caller Yeah, that's this is it. Yeah. Tickle is Pickle, your hands on guide to penis pleasing. It's basically the instruction manual that should come with every man.

12:48 Adam And this is for women or for gay guys?

12:51 Caller It could be either. It's written in my voice. I'm speaking to women, but certainly a gay guy can't benefit from it too.

12:58 Adam Why don't you tell women just to get busy? Still, I drop the attitude and start sucking.

13:02 Caller There's a whole chapter on that.

13:03 Adam Oh, there is.

13:04 Caller There's absolutely a whole chapter, chapter one.

13:06 Adam That's the only one you need to read.

13:07 Caller It says, let's talk about you. This is kind of a motivational guide for women that says, hey, start giving to your men. Here's what they want. They want to watch some adult videos. A lot of them do, not everybody, but most. They want you to moan. They want to hear you. They want to see you. So get in really nice, sexy positions for them. And maybe wear something. It goes through the whole thing and all the way up to handjobs and oral love and backdoor play. Fantastic. Cross-State Stimulation.

13:33 Adam Have your parents killed themselves now?

13:36 Caller No, they're actually really proud of me.

13:37 Adam No, they're not.

13:38 Caller Oh, yes, they are.

13:39 Adam No. Look, Drew is a doctor. He has a nationally syndicated radio show and his parents aren't proud of him. Am I right, Drew?

13:46 Drew Absolutely.

13:46 Adam Thank you.

13:47 Drew These are the sound of this. This is where all the fluid is. This is where everything is stored just before it's released. All this, all the testes, that's just slowly, slowly bringing it up and putting it in here to be stored in the seminal vesicles. And then when you have an orgasm, it just releases out. And none of this has had anything to do with it. Prostate is where the fluid is made. This is where it's collected. And if you close it off here, it just goes that way. It goes up in the bladder, doesn't affect them.

14:11 Caller Anyway, we'll talk about that. Cause I've seen explosions with it tied off like that. Oh, sure.

14:18 Drew It can come through, but it won't delay it. It won't come through or it will go back. It doesn't do anything to delay it or anything like that. So it can't, it just can't. It's not involved.

14:28 Caller Just a little bit, like it will eventually happen.

14:30 Drew Your testes are not involved in an orgasm at all.

14:33 Caller What about the Tantric technique where you push up straight up under the prostate?

14:37 Drew And that's pushing that...

14:39 Adam You're going underneath, you're going behind.

14:41 Caller That's another one.

14:42 Drew And that's pushing that valve, again, to send the semen back into the bladder, send it directly back to the bladder.

14:46 Caller Yeah, it stops the...

14:47 Drew No, it doesn't stop, it sends it backwards. So you don't see it come out the front, but it sends it back.

14:51 Adam Erica?

14:54 Drew Erica? There it is.

14:59 Adam What's up?

15:00 I am wondering, when I get my, get PMS, I get so mean, and it's just dramatic mode swings. And I'm just wondering if there's anything I can take or change birth control methods to regulate that.

15:17 Drew What's the method you're using now?

15:19 I have an IUD. It's the copper one, so there's no hormones or anything.

15:24 Adam What's the, what method, I mean, what could regulate PMS? A pill?

15:29 Drew A right pill?

15:29 Adam Yeah, just being a pill. What do you think the worst would be? Norplant? Shots?

15:34 Drew You know, there's a pill called Yasmin that's specifically available for this. Really? It's probably not gonna do much. The drug companies have reconfigured Prozac into something called like HappyFam or something. Basically, serotonin reuptake inhibitors will help this as well.

15:51 Adam Can you take that once a month?

15:53 Drew Yeah, they have for that.

15:55 Caller What about the ring? The ring that's...

15:57 Drew The NuvaRing? Yeah, but again, that's higher for the hypergestrogen than that.

16:02 Would I have to get rid of my IUD though to take a hormonal contraceptives?

16:06 Drew You might as well get rid of it if you're going to take hormonal contraceptives. But, Erica, the people that have really severe PMS usually also have chronic mood disturbances. Oh. So, what else is going on?

16:17 Caller Well, I don't think on that moody. I don't think I'm moody otherwise.

16:21 Adam Are you married?

16:22 Caller No, I have a boyfriend, a living boyfriend.

16:24 Drew And you have stable relationships?

16:26 Caller Yeah, we've been together for six years now.

16:30 Adam So, would you do beef crap out of him? Do I?

16:34 Caller No, it's not even him. I get to the point where I just can't stand myself. Like, I just feel just mad, not mad, but I just feel like I could blow up at just about anything.

16:46 Drew It's irritability, and that's depression.

16:47 Caller Yeah, very irritable.

16:48 Drew Yeah, and that's depression. So, that's why the serotonin reuptake drugs have been in the habit. But you'll look into that. Yeah, there are plenty, there's vitamin D, there's calcium, there's other things people have used also, and progesterone is a positive.

16:57 Adam And vitamins are no good.

16:58 Drew But I know they really haven't done much.

16:59 Caller You know what I find is exercising extra a lot during those times to really let the tension and the stress out of your body, because you've got to have some kind of release. So that's what I do, because I, you know.

17:09 Drew That's a good advice.

17:10 Adam Let's get one of those punching bags. You know what there ought to be? You know the guy who gets all padded up at the rape class? That guy to just swing by your house on those days. Here's the thing, you get the calendar, you get all the women. It's like, well, I've got to go see Janet the 27th, 28th, and 29th of the month, and then the 29th or the 31st. That's Cindy, and you just show up.

17:38 Drew Called the PMS Pal.

17:39 Adam Yeah, PMS Pal, and you don't even announce your arrival. I mean, you show up.

17:43 Drew Yeah.

17:43 Adam I mean, you're coming in the kitchen window, and it's just, you guys have at it, like Cato and Clouseau in the Pink Panther episodes. You know what I'm saying?

17:52 Drew Yes, absolutely.

17:53 Adam It's just a piece of crap out of you, kicks you into nuts, and then you go on to the next house. That's really what they need.

17:58 Drew It's quite a service.

17:59 Adam Well, them on a treadmill's not gonna do it. They need to attack a man, is really what they need, right?

18:08 Drew Yes, you're right. It's a great service.

18:09 Adam All right.

18:10 Drew It's gonna change the country.

18:11 Adam Yeah, there should just be a PMS gym, which is... Well, you know how you drop your dog off at like a doggy dude ranch or something, you got to tell you, just drop your old lady off at this place. She beats the crap out of the nice guy in the rape outfit and then comes home. She's got no wind in her sail at all.

18:28 Caller So creative.

18:29 Adam Well, if you think about it, like...

18:30 Caller That'd be a job security business.

18:32 Adam People, you know, aerobacizing in the shallow end of the swimming pool does not blow off any good anger or steam. You just burn a couple of calories. You need a guy to come at you and you start screaming and punching him and yelling like, I hate you, dad, and trying to gouge his eyes out with your fingernails.

18:48 Drew This is a bataka bat theory of a psychodrama.

18:51 Adam Yeah, you just go at some nameless, faceless guy in a hockey outfit, try to kill him for about 20 minutes, and you go home and you just collapse on a heap on the sofa. Guy sits right next to you, and you don't even say a word, you're too tired to even talk. Huh? Yeah, wow. Another great idea. Man, I'm telling you, when something happens, one day something will happen to me, I will be hailed as a genius.

19:15 Drew Oh, whether something happens to you or not.

19:17 Adam Thank you. Christina?

19:19 Drew Yeah.

19:20 Adam You're 19?

19:21 Caller Yes.

19:22 Adam What's up?

19:23 Caller I was just wondering, me and my fiance plan on having a baby in the future. We were just wondering, is there anything that can up the chances of having a girl over a boy?

19:35 Adam Hmm. What about that?

19:36 Drew Yes, there are. You can go see a fertility specialist and they can spin the sperm and spin out the female. The X sperms just give you the Ys and markedly increase the probability of a male.

19:46 Adam Now when they spin them, when they spin them, do the X ones, the X are the girls, right? Ys are the girls. What are the girls? XX and the boys are XY?

19:55 Drew Correct.

19:56 Adam And they weigh, they have different weights to them?

19:59 Drew Yeah, they're different. Yeah, I don't know exactly what the technique is, but it's a centrifuge technique. They move differently through a centrifuge.

20:06 Adam And they move. Well, if it's a centrifuge, it's just really got to be based on sort of weight, doesn't it?

20:11 Drew Yeah, absolutely. Or maybe this is a centrifuge. They can put it in there. There are all kinds of fluids that have gradient kinds of densities to them. So things will move through them at different rates. And so they move the sperm, some certain sperm, through a different rate. And they mostly the X or the Y behind them. What?

20:27 Caller Doesn't that cost them money to do that?

20:29 Drew Yes, I think it's about $600. But that's the only way you can affect that.

20:33 Adam You could do it at home if you got a potter's wheel and some 30 weight.

20:37 Caller What's the percentage of effectiveness of that? Like what are your odds once you go through?

20:41 Drew It's way up. It's like 80% or so, but not 100%.

20:44 Adam That's worth it. The ones that stick to the out, the ones that spin out are the chicks or the guys?

20:50 Drew You're asking me technical stuff. I don't do the procedure.

20:52 Adam I'm not asking you technical stuff, doctor. But the point is, I think I've heard one of them spins out. I think it's the girls that spin out and then you just go collect which one you want.

21:03 Drew Right. They differentiate, they go to different areas and you take which one you want.

21:08 Adam Yeah. Hey man, you can't play God though. That's playing God.

21:12 Drew That's what it is.

21:13 Adam It's playing God. Hey Christina.

21:15 Caller Yeah.

21:16 Drew Because think about it this way.

21:16 Adam Are you prepared to play God?

21:19 Caller No. See, I don't want to do like anything like that.

21:22 Drew Well then leave it alone.

21:23 Adam What do you want to do?

21:24 Caller I want to, is there like any certain position or like...

21:27 Drew No. Christina, you're thinking like primitive man here. You can either do it or not do it.

21:32 Adam You're not being fair to primitive man.

21:33 Drew Yeah. You're thinking like Christina here. Yeah. No. Listen, you can either affect a change or not. And the way you do it is with these certain techniques. And that's that. Listen, I think it's like $600, something like that.

21:46 Adam Is it that? You know that?

21:47 Drew I looked into it once. It was something like that.

21:49 Adam It's kind of reasonable for...

21:51 Drew It's not hugely expensive, not terribly expensive.

21:52 Adam What you get. And by the way, what's cheaper, chick or dude? I'm going with ever cheaper. I mean, I got to believe my sister cost my folks a hell of a lot more than I did. Which wasn't anything anyway, but it was probably, probably would have made that 600 bucks back. Don't read that thing yet, Drew. Hold on a second.

22:08 Drew We were supposed to have done it 10 minutes ago.

22:10 Adam All right, but hold on a second. Christina?

22:12 Yeah.

22:13 Adam Christina?

22:14 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

22:15 Adam Why? What do you want? A girl?

22:18 Caller Yeah, because we had a boy, but I had him premature and he died an hour after I had him.

22:23 Drew Oh my goodness.

22:24 Adam Well, that's a good... Okay. I was gonna say that's a good run, but no, it's probably not. And so why not? But still, now you got a girl? Why? What sense does that make?

22:35 Caller I was kind of afraid of baby boys now.

22:38 Adam Okay.

22:39 Drew Oh, you're fearful that if it's at some... You're gonna treat your son differently as though he's made...

22:43 Adam No, she's just scared they're gonna die.

22:45 Drew Right, but I mean, once you get past the perinatal period, I mean, once you've passed birth, if he survived, are you still gonna treat him as though he were made of porcelain?

22:53 Caller No, I mean, it's just hard for me to be around baby boys now.

22:57 Adam Listen, Christina, you gotta... If you... I understand that. Yeah, get some therapy, Christina. If you appease the volcano god, this will not happen again. You must take the carcass of a lamb and toss it into a volcano.

23:09 Drew And make sure the smoke rises to the gods.

23:11 Adam Right. Listen, Christina, you're 19.

23:13 Caller Yes.

23:14 Adam You cranked out a kid. The kid met a tragic fate. Why don't you guys go ahead and give it a couple of years to, like, the ripe old age of 22 or something before you have a kid. Get a little education.

23:27 Caller We want to wait till after we're married.

23:29 Drew Oh, good. Just do that then. That's all right.

23:30 Adam When are you getting married?

23:32 Caller Possibly either October or April.

23:35 Adam All right. So you're going to have a kid in two months?

23:38 Caller No.

23:39 Adam OK. All right. I'm just saying I smell trouble.

23:44 Drew Yes, Christina, slow it down.

23:45 Adam I smell trouble. You're 19. Give it a break, would you?

23:48 Drew And if you have trouble mourning the loss of this child, you really need to deal with that. Get some help with that.

23:53 Caller See, I don't want to do it like any time soon. I'm just saying, like you guys said, in like in a couple of years or so.

23:59 Adam OK.

23:59 Drew OK, good.

24:01 Adam What's your husband do?

24:02 Caller He's a security guard.

24:04 Adam Oh, that's bad.

24:06 Caller Why is that bad?

24:07 Adam Because he gets $8.50 an hour and he just guards refrigerators all night.

24:12 Caller No, he gets $9.

24:14 Drew Oh, you're way off, Adam, way off.

24:16 Caller How dare you?

24:19 Hey, he likes it though.

24:21 Adam All right, so look, way till he gets a better gig. That's the whole thing. Let me let me tell you something about couples. They argue over money. Man, do you argue when you're poor. It is stressful.

24:32 Drew I thought you were trying to raise a kid.

24:34 Adam Let me let me let me tell you something. My wife comes home. She's like, I got a parking ticket. I'm like, God damn it. Why didn't you get two? We're rich. I tell you, we're rich. But in the past, it would have been like, holy ass, what are you thinking? How many times have I told you?

24:49 Caller I can't believe it.

24:50 Adam Now I'm going to have, you know, it's like everything's a huge deal. Oh, you, oh, you go, oh, you go out to dinner and someone orders a second glass of wine.

24:58 Drew What was that? I know.

24:59 Adam What are you doing?

25:00 Caller You fool.

25:01 Drew Mr. Rothschild.

25:02 Caller You're trying to ruin me.

25:04 Adam All right, Drew, give me your plug out.

25:06 Drew All right, two things. I'm looking again for.

25:09 Adam No, no, no, no. We got this one. Come on.

25:11 Drew For people who are willing to do Masturbation Diaries call and we'll get them off the line. Also for people, everyone that calls in tonight who are 18 years of older, they will get a copy, a DVD of Saw starring Danny Glover and Carrie Elwes. This is again, is a scary and hell film. And those of you that do get your DVDs tonight will qualify for a chance to win a trip to the Heavy Metal Concert in Derbyshire, England. Yeah. The Saw DVD is going on sale Tuesday the 15th.

25:35 Adam All right, so you could go, is it England?

25:37 Drew Derbyshire, England for the Bloodstock Concert.

25:39 Adam Fantastic. All right, Sadie Allison here tonight, Penis Expert, Ticklish Picker, the name of the book. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

25:49 Caller Loveline.

25:50 Caller Okay, wait, wait.

25:52 Caller My hair, my hair.

25:53 Adam We'll be right back. Hello, everybody.

26:08 Caller It's Loveline.

26:09 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er. Sadie Allison is here tonight. She's the penis genius. She's got herself a little book out called Ticklest Pickle. It's got a very clever picture of someone almost blowing a pickle.

26:26 Caller Who is that someone?

26:27 Adam I'm going to go with you.

26:30 Caller Hey.

26:30 Adam Yeah. Save a few bucks, get yourself on a buck.

26:33 Drew Sadie just said something interesting. She said, sometimes I get in bed at night and my boyfriend already has the lasso on his penis, around the testicles and everything. You already have it already. Oh my goodness.

26:43 Adam Yeah.

26:43 Drew Surprise.

26:44 Caller Yeah. It's very cute.

26:45 Drew No, you don't understand guys.

26:46 Adam Sack round up.

26:47 Drew Guys are preparing constantly.

26:49 Caller Yeah. If anybody wants to check out the lasso or Tickle His Pickle, it's on my website, ticklekitty.com.

26:58 Adam Yeah. It's a nice, it's a simple device, but effective like a trebuchet. For your sack. All right. Boyfriend. Say he's an attractive woman, but I think it would be intimidating going out with her health or penis knowledge.

27:14 Caller Everybody says that and I'm really not like that. I'm just a normal girl. As a matter of fact, when I meet new guys, I don't even tell them what I do. When I do start dating someone, I start fresh and I explore together as we would a couple who just knew what we knew. I don't pull out the technology or tricks out of my sleeve yet.

27:33 Adam Now, what's your boyfriend do? Is he an expert on vagina?

27:36 Caller He is now.

27:38 Adam Oh, yeah.

27:40 Caller He does mortgage loans.

27:43 Drew Of course he does.

27:45 Adam Yeah. So, all right. Well, good times. Yeah. It would seem like a lot of pressure. That's all. That's all I'm saying. I like the nap.

27:54 Yeah.

27:55 Adam It's my thing.

27:57 I'm not that kind of guy.

27:57 Adam Who knows what goes on in the old vagina, the old vagina, the old vagina. Crack myself up.

28:05 All right.

28:05 Adam You ready to go here? Yeah. Mystique.

28:11 Hello.

28:12 Adam Hello.

28:13 Caller Hi.

28:13 Adam Hey, you're 20. What's up?

28:17 Caller I was just calling because I have a question about my boyfriend. He comes really fast. Like we can't do anything because he's done. When I rub his back, when we just get into it, he just, when I kiss him. Oof.

28:35 Caller Wow.

28:36 Caller It's getting better, but even sex, it lasts like maybe 10 seconds.

28:44 Caller That's a guy.

28:45 Adam He's getting his diploma. The Dean is like shaking and said, Oh, thanks Dean. Like you get no contact with a human being.

28:53 Drew Think how much money you save at a strip bar.

28:56 Adam Doctor gets down, he's like, I need you to turn your head and come.

29:01 Drew That happens once in a while.

29:02 Adam No way. No way does a guy have an orgasm when you're checking him for hernia.

29:07 Drew I had a friend that was cleaning off the penis to put a catheter in and kapowee.

29:16 Adam From that point forward, I would be wearing like a welding rig. I would just have the mask and leather smock.

29:23 Drew She's a she, yeah.

29:24 Adam Well, I guess you know, shouldn't be cleaning the penis off. What do you do to the penis to prepare for a catheter?

29:33 Drew You put some betadine on there.

29:34 Adam In the inside?

29:34 Drew On the tip, just all over the tip.

29:36 Adam Oh, you did that red stuff?

29:37 Drew Basically, you pull it up, painting it up, and poof.

29:40 Adam Wow. Old guy, young guy?

29:41 Drew Old guy, old guy. Wow.

29:43 Adam More power to him. All right, anyway, Mystique?

29:47 Caller Yeah.

29:47 Adam Yeah, this is going to be trouble.

29:49 Caller Okay.

29:50 Adam I don't know what you can do. It's sort of like saying, you know, my girlfriend is super ticklish. What can I do?

29:57 Drew Right.

29:57 Adam It's like, I don't know. That's just the way she is.

30:00 Drew You focus on oral sex from him to you.

30:02 Caller Yeah, well, I do everything. Well, not really, but-

30:05 Drew No, no, he to you.

30:06 Adam Not him. No, you don't have to do anything to him.

30:08 Caller But him.

30:10 Adam Yeah, you give him the Heimlich. He's going to bust a nut. He needs to focus on satisfying you.

30:15 Drew Yeah, and maybe get him to unload, unburden himself a few times and see if he's-

30:20 Caller Yeah, he's done that.

30:21 Drew Yeah.

30:22 Adam Can't help it. Goes down a tie of shoe. And her result's right on the knee.

30:27 Drew Passionate, passionate.

30:28 Adam Kidding. Yeah. Look, here-

30:33 Drew No, no. You got to work with it.

30:35 Adam Yeah, but-

30:35 Caller Just stay away from the sensitive parts and the things that you know trigger him and do all the other things that you can do together. The hugging, the cuddling, maybe rubbing other parts other than his back. And like they said, definitely have him stimulate you.

30:50 Drew See, for some women, that's no problem, but for others, the intercourse is much more important. I wonder if she's one of those.

30:58 Caller Does he use condoms?

30:59 Drew What?

31:00 Caller Does he wear condoms?

31:01 Caller Do you guys wear condoms? Yeah.

31:02 Drew But for him, just the stimulation where a condom might make a go too. Yeah. But are you orgasm with intercourse or with direct stimulation?

31:09 Caller Intercourse, but I have to.

31:11 Drew Are you multi-orgasmic?

31:13 Caller No.

31:14 Drew No, so you just have orgasm with intercourse?

31:16 Caller Yeah.

31:16 Caller And that's what great dildos are for though. And a lot of guys that have this issue, is he trying to work, here's my question, is he trying to work with you on this?

31:26 Adam Let me say, great dildos sounds like a horrible greeting from another culture.

31:31 Drew Great dildo.

31:32 Adam Well, surprise.

31:33 Caller Great balls of fire.

31:34 Adam Great dildos. Great dildos to you.

31:38 Caller I know, I've never even said it like that. It just came out.

31:41 Adam This is my son. Great dildos to you, young sir.

31:45 Caller But it's true, if he's trying to work on this with you, he should be doing all the things that he can do to help stop him from doing that and spend more time pleasuring you before I guess that point.

31:54 Caller He gets really mad, like, I don't know, he just gets really upset with things.

31:58 Caller He might not be trying, which is probably part of the problem.

32:00 Adam Let me explain something to everybody. Everyone's cut out differently, because God's rich pageantry, you know? I don't know what he was thinking when he made guys who bust a nut, when the wind blows on their forehead, but you can't question it. You can't question it.

32:17 Caller It's all kinds.

32:18 Adam Don't think there's a God, by the way? How did all this get here? Oh yeah, you're right, the guy must have done it. That's right, the guy whipped it up. Drafting board. Yeah, okay. Yeah, okay, retard. But here's my point. If you got a problem, whether it's diabetes or you bust a nut too fast, that's all right. You shouldn't dump the person because of that. If they don't want to work on it, if they're not going to deal with it, that's a good reason to dump them and that's everything. Look, if someone's an alcoholic, you don't need to dump them. They're diabetic, you don't need to dump them. If they're eyesight is bad, you don't need to dump them. But if they won't go the optometrist and they still insist on driving, you can dump them. And that's what this guy has. He has a problem, he can work on it. If he gets angry when you bring it up, now you dump it.

33:00 Caller Now there's an issue.

33:01 Adam And that's fine. And you're free and clear. You're not a good person if you dump a person because they have a problem. You're a better than good person. You're an important person if you dump someone who's not focusing on the problem.

33:13 Drew Then you've done God's work.

33:14 Adam We need you because you're setting boundaries. And these people need this.

33:19 Caller And you deserve to be pleasured as well. One more thing he can do, though, if you do talk to him and he decides to start working on it more with you, is to have him exercise his kegel muscles. You've probably heard that women exercise those for stronger, more control of their orgasms. Well, men can exercise. They have the same muscle. And the more familiar you are with it and the stronger it is as you flex it, and we can all do kegels together right now.

33:44 Drew Adam, are you squeezing?

33:46 Caller Are you ready? That can help him eventually help control his orgasms.

33:52 Adam All right. There you go.

33:53 Drew You know, I'm back to this beehive that you put on your penis.

33:56 Caller The Blue Betty.

33:56 Drew I think what's bothering me is it should be like longer.

33:59 Caller There are longer ones. There's bigger ones. There's ones that go all the way to a full ass.

34:03 Adam All right, Drew.

34:04 Caller So this is-

34:05 Adam Full ass.

34:05 Caller Yeah.

34:06 Adam Quit showing off, by the way, Drew.

34:08 Drew No, I'm just saying. That's what's confusing me about it.

34:10 Adam Let me explain something. This is like the grip on a pair of handlebars on a motorcycle. They don't need to be 12 inches long. They just need to be as big as your hand because that's what's going on. All right?

34:23 Caller However, I see where Drew's going because-

34:25 Adam No, I don't like where he's going. I know where he's going.

34:29 Caller There are longer ones and my boyfriend actually prefers the longer one because while you're using it to do this, there isn't a point where your penis is not being stimulated. Whereas this one, if you have a longer shaft-

34:40 Adam But this thing will stretch out as well, yes?

34:43 Caller Not that much, not in that direction.

34:45 Adam Well, it doesn't. I mean, okay. I got to get a long one is what I'm saying. Do they make them longer?

34:50 Caller I'll send you one. Oh, yeah.

34:52 Adam When I say longer, I don't mean twice that size. I mean, 20 or 30 times that.

34:56 Caller Wow.

34:57 Caller Yeah, no.

34:59 Adam I'm talking about the length of like, let's say a large sedan or maybe a recreational vehicle. Yes, Drew? Absolutely. Absolutely. Even then, there's going to be plenty slopping over the top and bottom. All right. No, it's true. Huge. Jack? Hi. Yeah. The aptly named Jack. You're 23? What's up?

35:20 Caller Yeah, I was wondering, you guys talk mostly to girls who are abused and I know what you say about sexual abuse and how can cause relationship and intimacy problems. But since you also talk a lot about how different men and women are, I was wondering, how are the consequences of abuse different for guys and girls?

35:39 Drew You know, like everything, the environment affects, it's about the genes and the environment interacting. And because men and women are so tremendously different genetically, naturally enough, there is a different consequence from trauma.

35:51 Adam Well, men go out and victimize other people.

35:55 Drew Men become, they externalize things more.

35:57 Adam Women continue to be victimized.

35:59 Drew They internalize it more, right?

36:00 Adam Yeah, so you take a young girl, you sexually molest her, and she'll hook up with somebody who rapes her, she'll continually get raped. It'll be that thing where she gets raped in high school and then she gets it again out of high school and then she goes into stripping or then she hooks up with an abusive guy. And it's really, she ends up just sort of being abused and doesn't pose too much threat to society except when she starts crapping out kids and then those guys abuse those kids and now you got this fresh crop of victims coming in every year. Whereas guys usually, well, A, they can either go gay.

36:37 Drew Well, that's the interesting thing is what this does to sexual identity. For women, it doesn't do so much. In fact, they kind of go more, they become hypersexual or they back and forth.

36:46 Adam They become strippers.

36:47 Drew And the guys, it can have different effects, but the one thing they don't have is sort of a more experimental sexuality. They either become completely gay.

36:56 Adam Right.

36:56 Drew Or they become hypersexual like the girls too. But that whole thing of why there's this, why can't they be more bisexual? Why do they have to go away completely? It's weird.

37:04 Caller Yeah.

37:04 Drew Why that flip from sexual abuse with males? And we just don't know.

37:08 Adam All right. So, the danger with boys is they go out and sort of screw with other folks.

37:14 Caller Okay. I was also wondering how verbal abuse differs from sexual or physical abuse.

37:21 Drew Well, you're asking questions that haven't been fully worked out. There's a guy named Alan Shore that's working on the neurobiological aspects of trauma. And there's a whole society, International Society of Traumatology now looking at the brain effects of trauma. And so, what a given episode of trauma, repeated episode of trauma does to a given brain is probably highly variable. The important experience is the experience of powerlessness. And when a child has an experience of powerlessness, it affects how their autonomic or the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system wires. And they tend to start using more primitive means of regulating feelings. Just think of it that way.

37:57 Adam And what do we mean by more primitive?

37:58 Drew Well, it's something called dissociation. The kids get into it and they've been traumatized. Where they sort of, they have no, their system, their regulatory systems becomes overwhelmed or shattered in some cases. And the only means they can have to regulate it is to sort of distance themselves from their feelings. They feel sort of out of body or they shut down. And then that becomes the primary means of regulating unpleasant feelings. And that's a very primitive way of approaching life.

38:21 Adam All right, Jack, get some therapy. Good therapy, baby doll. Take care of yourself. Great, thanks. All right, listen, let's go ahead and sock all these junk toys because my eyes are burning.

38:33 Drew Oh, this thing, yeah, okay.

38:34 Adam It's like the DuPont factory in here.

38:37 Drew No, it's this blue one that's doing that too.

38:38 Adam Yeah, I think I have like retinal cancer now from staring at this thing.

38:41 Drew No, no, it is irritating, yeah.

38:43 Adam It's irritating. Come on, give me a headache.

38:45 Caller Oh, oh, the smell.

38:46 Adam Yeah, it smells like a cheap whore in here.

38:50 Caller A lot of toys come out of the packaging like that. Yeah.

38:52 Adam Well, make them smell like a meatball sub or something if they're for a guy.

38:57 Caller So now some of my Strawberry Lust Slippery Kitty Lube.

38:59 Adam Oh, strawberry what?

39:01 Caller Strawberry Lust. That's my signature line of lube that I made.

39:05 Adam Well, that's good.

39:06 Caller Yeah, it's nice because it's not too sweet, too sugary like some of the flavored lubes are.

39:10 Adam Oh, you mean you eat this?

39:11 Caller You can, it's lickable.

39:12 Adam It's lickable.

39:13 Drew Not drinkable.

39:14 Caller No, you don't want to ingest it.

39:15 Adam Well, what if a plane crashed and all we had is a sack of lube?

39:19 Caller Well, I was, I know someone who guzzled it so and he turned out to be okay.

39:23 Adam Really?

39:24 Caller Yeah, go for it.

39:25 Adam I really doubt that.

39:26 Caller But what's nice about this and why it's in the kit is a lot of women, one of the top reasons why women don't like oral sex, smell, taste, and gagging. So if you put a little strawberry lust on it, all of a sudden you have a bag of strawberry for your penis.

39:41 Adam What's the, they don't like the taste, the taste of the penis or the taste of what comes out of it?

39:48 Caller Well, what comes out of it, but I would say more of the smell is from that.

39:52 Drew Oh, you know. Oh, yes.

39:53 Caller That's why there's a whole chapter in my book, Tickle His Pickle, on grooming and shaving him. And it's important if you want your girl to give more oral love that you should be tidied up down there. I'm not saying you should shave the whole thing, but a little trimming would be nice. Maybe a little shaving around the sides.

40:08 Adam Now, I've done a topiary down there. I look like a giraffe. I've made mine look like a giraffe. Yeah, it's Mickey Mouse riding a giraffe. It's awesome. It's up keeps, it's a little time consuming.

40:20 Drew What do you want to do with the test is you pull them up underneath?

40:22 Adam I tuck them in.

40:23 Drew You tuck them in, yeah.

40:24 Adam I tuck them in. Yeah, it's like Edward Scissorhands.

40:26 Drew It'll be right next.

40:26 Adam I'll show you guys if you like this.

40:28 Drew Hey, again, I need somebody who's willing to do a masturbation diary for Discovery Health Channel. Please call in and we'll take your call and look into that.

40:33 Adam Let's take a little break. Sadie, relax. My penis hurts now. It's tired from talking about it. Oh, well, we'll take Sadie Allison here. She's a penis expert.

40:41 Caller No, no, you don't want to see this.

40:43 Adam No more penis talk. Take a break. We'll be right back after this.

40:48 Caller Hello.

40:49 Drew This is Loveline.

41:01 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number one eight hundred LAVE one nine one. Sadie Allison is our guest tonight. Dear, dear friend of the show. Probably been on three other times, I would say.

41:15 Drew Brings gifts every time.

41:16 Adam She does. Brings a nice sack of goodies.

41:19 Drew Would you say, Adam, anyone that brings gifts?

41:21 Adam Usually.

41:22 Drew Welcome on our show. And a dear friend.

41:25 Adam Yeah. Thanks, guys. Got a nice penis lasso. It's got the vibrator.

41:30 Caller The Blue Betty. The Slippery Kitty.

41:32 Adam Slippery Kitty. Tickle His Take. Strawberry Lube.

41:35 Drew Just going to send us big Blue Bettys.

41:37 Caller The Classic Bullet.

41:38 Adam Oh, yeah.

41:38 Caller You need a new one that hasn't been touched, I could tell.

41:41 Drew What?

41:43 Adam Drew, what do you mean?

41:43 Caller The one he was playing with, it's dirty now.

41:46 Adam Oh, it is?

41:46 Caller I'm going to give you a fresh one to take home, because I know you want to try it.

41:50 Adam Well, where's the one? The one he's wasn't that out of his gift bag? So he was the only one who was monkeying with it, right? I don't know. He's fine. He's good. Rub a little Purell on it.

42:03 Drew A little of Superkitty's rubber juice.

42:06 Adam Drew's super horny, but he's super anal too, so he uses Purell's lube on his blue baddie. Disinfectant dial.

42:15 Caller That's a good idea.

42:16 Drew Paroxet, we're talking about it.

42:17 Caller When you're on the road.

42:18 Adam Yeah, why not? Yeah.

42:20 Caller Anti-bacterial.

42:21 Adam I've managed to make it my whole life without ever using any of that disinfectant, whatever.

42:27 Drew Oh, the alcohol-based stuff?

42:29 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah.

42:30 Drew Your wife hasn't done that to you?

42:32 Adam No, no, nobody cares. Nobody cares.

42:34 Drew Wait till you have kids. Wait till you have kids.

42:36 Adam You're talking to a guy.

42:37 Drew Sorry, that stuff will come out all the time.

42:38 Adam I eat stuff weeks after it's been in the fridge. I'm a mess. Dylan, listen, I believe I built up immunity through not getting involved with all the crap that everyone's getting into. I shower every four days. I whizz in the sink. It's fine.

42:52 Drew It's no problem.

42:54 Caller Eww, come on, Adam.

42:55 Adam Well, why not? It's my sink. Whizzing it. Dylan?

42:59 Caller Ace?

43:00 Adam Hey, you're 17.

43:01 Caller What's up? How's it hanging?

43:03 Adam It's going good there, brother man. What's up?

43:05 Caller Drew, man of extreme passion.

43:08 Adam Exquisite extreme passion.

43:11 Caller Guys, thank you for taking my call.

43:13 Adam Thanks, Dave. I mean, go ahead.

43:16 Caller Yeah, I'm having a problem with, well, now my ex-girlfriend who I broke up on Saturday, she says I have a hard time being happy around her, and I just try to make her life easy. I come from a family with a lot of money, and she's on the other side of the road on that one, and I try to make up for what I can, and I end up trying to buy her a lot and expect. In the end, I want sex, but lately, I've been going for me, except the last time was Christmas Eve, when, oh man, you wouldn't believe what I bought her. Tiffany's.

44:00 Drew Hold for a sec, I'm getting a headache.

44:03 Adam I know. This is why guys hate.

44:05 Drew What is that?

44:06 Adam And by the way, this guy, he's gonna get 14 years, he's gonna be a publicist. Is that what that is? No, he's not gay enough to be a publicist.

44:14 Drew But sales?

44:15 Adam Sales, definitely sales. Big rope, gold chain, bracelet, talking everyone's ear off.

44:22 Drew Either he's bogus or does he really not hear how he comes across?

44:26 Adam I don't know. Don't know, don't care. Dylan.

44:30 Caller Yeah.

44:31 Adam All right, so we're not interested in...

44:34 Caller Not bogus, but pro ball player, just to let you know.

44:38 Adam You're 17.

44:40 Caller Yeah, it runs in the blood. My dad was a baseball player.

44:44 Adam All right, buddy. Here's the thing. You sound like a colossal a-hole. I'm sure there's good reason for it. Probably nice looking, athletic, you have some money and all that kind of stuff, but it doesn't come across as very humble.

44:59 Drew Or human.

45:00 Adam Or becoming or anything like that. Or human.

45:02 Drew We can see right through that crap.

45:04 Adam Well, even if they don't know what they're talking about, they sort of feel it. But anyway, I'm not sure what your question is. You buy stuff for your girl.

45:11 Drew She won't have sex with you? Oh my God.

45:13 Adam You had to dump her.

45:14 Caller I'm just like, yeah, I'm trying to make her happy as much as I can, but it just-

45:20 Drew Make you happy. Buying gifts does not equal happy.

45:23 Caller Well, that's not all I do. I mean, I spend amounts of time with her.

45:26 I'm not-

45:28 Drew Talking about yourself?

45:29 Adam I tell them I'm playing pro ball. Yeah. All right, Dylan, here's the thing. I'm going to try to, you know, I know you're a fan of the show and we're going to try to be as kind as we can. That's fine. Being an attractive, athletic guy whose family has money, in a way, is sort of like being a child celebrity. And it works against you. It's hard to blame, you know, Ashley Olson for having a little attitude when, since the age of, you know, zygote, people have been chasing around with cameras. So we're going to cut you a little break. But it seems like you're going down the wrong path here.

46:10 Drew Here's the, if we only have a few seconds and sort of one word of advice would be practice humility.

46:17 Adam Right.

46:18 Drew Humility, assiduous practice of humility, and try to think about other people's feelings.

46:23 Adam Not your own. And here's the thing too, if you have no game, if you're short and you're fat and you can't throw a ball further than 40 feet, go ahead and talk yourself up. That's all you got. That's your last chance.

46:35 Drew And strangely enough, those are the people thinking about everybody else.

46:38 Adam But if you're, there's nothing more attractive, Sadie, back me up, than a good looking guy who's athletic and has his well to do and so on and so forth, who never talks about it. He just goes out humble, humble, humble. And that's the thing, if you're going to be good looking, it speaks for itself. If you're going to be a guy who's got some money in your pocket, who's broad at the shoulder, narrow at the hip and athletic and popular and attractive, be humble. You'll even get before where you were going to be a mountain of Puntang, you will now get the Pike's Peak of Puntang.

47:10 Drew So much more attractive. Yes.

47:12 Adam You'll make yourself that much more. The only way you can knock yourself down a few rungs is to start shooting your mouth off. I play pro ball.

47:20 Drew I just, you know, just, you know. Yeah.

47:22 Adam Yeah. 17. Yeah. I'll see you in the show, buddy. I'll see you in the show. Take a break. We'll be right back after this. Everyone listen to me.

47:31 Caller Hello.

48:02 Adam What's up, buddy?

48:03 Caller It's Loveline.

48:04 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-1-800-LOVE-191. Sadie Allison is here. She'll endure my radio tirade, telling everyone to lick my balls. Tired of everyone getting out of here. I'm going back to TV, so enjoy, everybody. Enjoy the radio while you can. I'm going back to TV where they treat you with a little dignity. A little coffee. I got a little food. People like I think they're working for you. It's great. That's it. F radio. All right. Sadie Allison here. Tickle the pickle. Tickle his pickle. That's what I wanted to say. It's the name of her book that is out as we speak. Drew?

48:47 Drew We are giving away Saw DVDs tonight to everyone that calls. It's over the age of 18. It is also qualifying you for a chance to win a trip to the heavy metal concert called Bloodstock in Derbyshire, England. And this DVD goes on sale on Tuesday the 15th.

49:00 Adam Yeah.

49:01 Caller All right.

49:01 Adam You're ready to roll?

49:02 Drew Yeah.

49:03 Adam Ted?

49:05 Caller Hello?

49:06 Adam 16?

49:07 Caller Yeah. It's actually Ted, but it's all right.

49:10 Drew Ted?

49:10 Caller I got Germany or Florida.

49:12 Adam Is your name T-A-D?

49:14 Caller T-E-D. Ted. I'm on a cell phone. That's probably a... All right. A 34. Germany or Florida.

49:21 Drew Hold on.

49:23 Adam And what do you think I said? I said Mordecai when I came to him.

49:27 Drew Moisha. I heard it. Distinctively.

49:29 Adam I said Ted. It's actually Ted.

49:34 Caller Oh.

49:36 Adam I thought it was... Okay. It says Samuel up here. Yeah. Ted. All right, Ted. Go ahead, buddy. All right.

49:43 Caller A 34-year-old firefighter is facing animal cruelty charges for allegedly biting the head off a pet parrot during a party early yesterday morning.

49:50 Drew A pet what?

49:51 Caller Allegedly biting the head off a pet parrot.

49:54 Adam Parrot.

49:54 Drew Parrots.

49:55 Adam Okay.

49:56 Caller Good.

49:56 Adam I hate birds.

49:58 Caller The suspect told police that he was drinking and could not remember the details of the incident. He has apologized. According to police report, the firefighter was shooting pool with the late parrot's owner and other partygoers at about 1 a.m. He grabbed the bird, a female Quaker parrot named Isabelle from the owner's shoulder, put the bird's head in his mouth and decapitated it. He then spit out the parrot's head and toss the bird's corpse across the room, bouncing up a wall and hitting the floor.

50:24 Drew That's punk. That's punk.

50:26 Caller That's cruel.

50:27 Drew Well, now listen, let's figure this out.

50:28 Adam You don't have to get to the hitting the floor part. We didn't fit floating in space. Suspended in space. Weightless.

50:37 Drew Here's the playing pool.

50:38 Adam Playing pool.

50:39 Drew Name is Elizabeth, not Freulein. Isabelle.

50:42 Adam Isabelle. Yeah, not Freulein. From Germany's name, Freulein. Yeah.

50:48 Drew It's a firefighter was playing pool. Yeah. But on the other hand, he wasn't arrested for animal cruelty.

50:54 Adam Well, wasn't he charged with animal cruelty?

50:57 Caller Yeah, charged with animal cruelty.

50:58 Drew That's Florida. Even though I want to say Germany.

51:02 Adam I hate birds. So, you know, I look at this guy as a hero, by the way.

51:07 Drew I had to close up, though.

51:08 Adam Yeah. I'm going Florida on this one.

51:10 Drew Me too.

51:11 Adam Sadie, Florida or Germany? What do you think? Florida.

51:14 Drew Florida. Oh, that was it. Ted just gave us the answer.

51:17 Adam Well, anyway, Sadie.

51:18 Caller I was just going to say Florida.

51:19 Adam I was just going to say Florida.

51:20 Caller But why do you hate birds is what I was actually wondering.

51:22 Adam I'll tell you why I hate birds. They're stupid, they're angry, they're mean, they bite everybody, they crap everywhere, they make a big mess, and they let out these blood curdling screams in the middle of no, and it's just for no good reason. And here's, let me just say this. Let me finish about birds here.

51:37 Drew Do you think they're related to the dinosaurs?

51:39 Adam I don't know. I think they're meaner dinosaurs. I feel like people don't real, like there's a lot of things that people don't like. And then there's like, oh, people can't stand roaches. Like they hate cockroaches, you know. Oh, I'll kill them with a slipper as fast as I see them. But cockroach never bit you.

51:56 Drew Right.

51:56 Adam You know what I mean? Never really did anything to you.

51:59 Drew Yeah.

51:59 Adam And it's not even, it's not like you open your refrigerator. Oh, there's cockroaches eating. Your dog has eaten more crap than cockroaches have. I mean, your dog gets up on the counter, pulls the sandwich off.

52:09 Drew Absolutely.

52:10 Adam I mean, cockroaches are horrible because they're unattractive. And people get into that stuff where it's like, the fecal matter can pollute.

52:17 Drew No, no, no.

52:18 Adam Who ever knows cockroach crap ever hurt anybody?

52:21 Drew No, right?

52:21 Adam No. Cockroach really does nothing. It just symbolizes filth. It's like if you got cockroaches, then there's dirt, then you don't want to be associated with that. But here's the reality. People hate cockroaches and yet they love birds. And the reality is a bird, there's no one I know hasn't been bit by a bird. You know, you try to get the thing where the parrot's in the cage and you put your hand in there to try to get the parrot. First thing it does is go at you with the beak. That's number one. Number two, even the parent's owner can't put the hand in without the bird going for its finger trying to lop it off with its big beak. And then they make these horrible sounds. They crap everywhere. They really don't do anything. And all they do is eat and crap and try to bite you after you take care of them for ten years. There's really nothing you can do for them. And then second the cage opens, they try to get away. The second it opens out of there, which by the way, good riddance. What kind of pet are they? They don't protect your home. They don't get your slippers. They're not happy when you come home. They're just a pain in the ass. They're worthless. The only thing they're good for is for scuzzy guys to take down to the Venice Boardwalk to try to get laid with. Put the big macaw on your shoulder. Hopefully a couple of coeds will come up to you and you can bag them in your van later on. That's about it. They're creepy. The birds are creepy. The people who like birds are creepy. Show me a guy who loves his bird. I'll show you a guy I can't hang out with.

53:48 Drew It's always the same guy too, isn't it? It's his ponytail guy.

53:52 Adam It's creepy ponytail. I got the bird because they took away my ferret weirdo. That guy or just old queen, old gay guy too. Listen, I wish pirates had had them, but that just seems to be a wives tale. That's something that's a mythology. I never actually see pirates with the birds. They don't do anything and we've decided somehow that we like them. Now, the one bird that actually does something is the pigeon.

54:19 Drew Oh yeah, we hate them.

54:21 Adam We hate pigeons, but the one thing they're actually social, they're calm and we've used them in four wars. They carry messages from the front lines back to headquarters. They actually do something. There's one bird that actually does something, we can't stand them. The rest are just a waste. Now don't get me wrong, a nice bird of prey, well that's just like a lion.

54:41 Drew Right. A lion is not going to do anything.

54:43 Adam It's all inspiring. It's not supposed to be, it's not supposed to be your buddy. You put it on a flag.

54:47 Drew Yeah.

54:48 Adam You know what I mean?

54:48 Drew Yeah.

54:49 Adam And then once in a while, you got the guys that are falconers who are into falconry and they take them down to the airport and they chase away all the birds that get sucked up into the jet inlets. That's fine. That I like.

55:00 Drew Yeah.

55:01 Adam But that's all right. But your basic, just a cockatiel or macaw or parrot or any of these nuisances, they make tons of noise, pain in the ass. Screw birds. I'm done with you birds. Do you have a bird?

55:13 Caller No.

55:14 Adam Good.

55:15 Caller And if I did, I may not have said that right now.

55:17 Adam They're horrible.

55:17 Caller No. No birds for me.

55:19 Drew I'm still lost in thought about the cockroach.

55:21 Adam Name me an animal meaner than the bird, by the way.

55:24 Drew Meaner?

55:24 Adam Well, like put it this way, if you got a cat that got into like a Blue Jays nest, cat can't go outside your house for another 40 years.

55:31 Drew Right.

55:32 Adam Blue Jays dive bombing it, birds going at each other, make tons of noise, they crap on everything. Screw them. Screw you birds.

55:41 Drew But a cockroach, I wonder what the evolutionary heritage of that is. Well, of us freaking out of a car. I think it's something to do with the fact that if we're immobilized, they're moving in.

55:51 Adam I'll tell you this thing.

55:52 Drew They're going to crawl into wounds, they're going to crawl up our ass and they will.

55:55 Adam No, I got one up me now. Are you kidding?

55:57 Drew Oh, nice.

55:57 Adam I took a leak, three came out my urethra.

55:59 Drew You sure that wasn't one of Sadie's toys?

56:02 Adam No, the roach. Here's the thing too with animals. The better looking they are, the better we like them. If they're unattractive, like we love...

56:12 Drew Is the reason we think they're better looking is some evolutionary heritage of ours.

56:16 Adam I don't know.

56:16 Drew We've evolved in a way that they appeal to us because of how we've evolved with them.

56:20 Adam I don't know. All I know is we love the giant koala because they're the best looking... The giant panda. The giant panda is the best looking animal in the world. All it does is sit there and eat. Just eats, doesn't even know he are, and would attack you if he got too close to it.

56:33 Drew It's a raccoon.

56:34 Adam It's just a giant raccoon that just eats bamboo all day long. Just sits there and eats bamboo.

56:39 Drew A raccoon is a nice animal. We like them too.

56:41 Adam We're going to borrow them from a Chinese zoo.

56:42 Drew It's a raccoon who would take your face off in three seconds.

56:47 Adam You know why we like the giant pandas? Because they sit when they eat. They sit on their ass with their feet up.

56:52 Caller They're not trying to eat you.

56:53 Adam And everyone goes, wow, look at them. But if you got next to them in their precious bamboo, they would eat you.

56:57 Drew They'd swat you.

56:58 Adam All right. And here's what I say. I say we keep one. There's always on loan. Oh, yeah. Singapore, you know, screw you guys.

57:06 Drew We're keeping it. Let's just call them Sam. None of this Ling Ling and Chu Chu.

57:10 Caller Chu Chu, you're Larry.

57:12 Adam Ling Ling, you're Ted. You guys in China, TS. You want nine tenths of the law. You want your bears back? Come get them. I didn't think so. Get your face out of here.

57:23 We're keeping them.

57:24 Adam And they're like, we're going to keep your moose. And we're like, I don't care. We got plenty of them.

57:28 Drew Why don't they ever have moose in zoos?

57:31 Adam I don't know. Maybe they do.

57:33 Drew You ever see one in a zoo?

57:34 Adam I don't see any moose or meeses or mooseye in zoos. What's wrong with a moose in a zoo?

57:40 Drew They're interesting animals, right?

57:42 Adam Well, I mean, if they got elephants and they got zebras and stuff.

57:45 Drew I'd rather look at a moose.

57:46 Adam I would prefer looking at a moose too. I don't know. Maybe we can't. Maybe we got to get some kind of deal going with Canada where we get a moose. Yeah, we got an LA zoo with no moose in it.

57:56 Drew How dare they?

57:57 Adam Let's get a moose over there.

57:58 Caller It's a good idea.

57:59 Drew Sadie?

58:00 Adam Heck yeah.

58:00 Drew PSA, please.

58:01 Adam Tyler?

58:02 Yeah.

58:03 Adam You're 19?

58:04 Caller Yes.

58:05 Adam What's up?

58:06 Caller I was wondering if you can transmit herpes through a pipe or something.

58:11 Drew Oh, Spicoli. Ooh wee, Tyler.

58:14 Adam You smoke a lot of weed, dude.

58:15 Drew You smoke a lot of weed. We can barely muster a laugh.

58:20 Adam Yeah.

58:21 Drew Oh, Tyler, Tyler.

58:22 Adam Why? One of your buddies who's been hitting off your pipe has herpes?

58:26 Caller No, no, no. I smoked with my friend, and I was at his house, and he was having an outbreak.

58:32 Drew On his lips?

58:32 Caller Yes.

58:34 Drew Yes, you can transmit it that way.

58:36 Adam Let's do a little recap. One of your buddies who's hit off your pipe has herpes?

58:41 Caller No, no, no. No, no, no.

58:43 Adam My friend is having an outbreak, and I was over at his house, Toga, now. Yeah.

58:49 Drew Oh, yeah.

58:49 Adam Is that exactly what I said? Totally different.

58:51 Drew Adam, totally different.

58:52 Adam No, no, no, no, no, no, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, exactly what happened.

59:01 Caller Yes. Yeah. Yeah, confirmation.

59:02 Drew I can't even stone it up as much as him. Yeah. Tyler, yes, you certainly can get it that way. The fluids, the sore is highly contagious, and if it touches something and then goes over to you, a particular mucosal surface, like your mouth or your eye, something like that. Yeah. Within a couple minutes of him being on it, on the pipe, that is, yeah, he could transmit it over to you, but you probably already have oral herpes. Most people already have that.

59:28 Adam Really?

59:28 Drew Yeah, most people have cold sores.

59:30 Adam Well.

59:30 Drew See, I'm over here right now.

59:32 Adam You do? Well, I mean, most adults don't have a, they get a breakout every eight years or something.

59:39 Caller Like 80% of people.

59:40 Drew Yeah, have oral herpes.

59:41 Adam Well, I mean, having a lesion on your lip every nine years, is that? That's herpes. Well, that's not what he's talking about, though. That's not the kind of herpes he means. He means having frequent breakouts. Not every, you know, four Olympic seasons.

1:00:01 Drew You can't predict which kind you're going to get, how it's going to affect you.

1:00:04 Adam I know, but look, everybody, everybody, you know, every kid gets a cold sore.

1:00:08 Drew And when they're younger.

1:00:09 Adam And they all have oral herpes? Yes. Okay, so everyone has oral herpes.

1:00:12 Drew 80%, yeah.

1:00:13 Adam Alright, so then just go bury yourself in an infected oral pie and just, because you already have it, you already have it, you already have it.

1:00:20 Drew There's different varibut for the most part, you already have it. That's why people aren't being transmitted all over the place. They already have it. This guy, that's why he's not going to catch it. Even though he's got an outbreak.

1:00:28 Adam His buddy had an outbreak and I bet you his buddy will have another outbreak in eight months.

1:00:32 Drew Well, here's the thing about the frequency of outbreaks. As you, as you, time passes since your initial infection, the frequency goes down to years. And that's why kids get them very frequently because they get exposed when they're young. As they get growing to adulthood, they stop having them.

1:00:46 Adam Alright, and then they, then they share a pipe and they get it, they get it going again.

1:00:49 Drew Not usually.

1:00:50 Adam Please. Tyler?

1:00:52 Caller Yeah.

1:00:53 Adam Alright, you don't have it. You're fine.

1:00:55 Caller Alright.

1:00:56 Adam Alright. And stop smoking so much weed.

1:00:59 Caller Okay.

1:01:00 Drew Yeah. I know.

1:01:01 Adam I got no plan for it.

1:01:02 Drew But here's what's going to happen. The weed is not going to have the same effect as time goes along and you're going to start smoking a lot more to try to get it back and then you're going to need help because you will slide into a pretty heavy depression at that point. Don't switch to other drugs. Get some help at that point.

1:01:14 Adam Okay. All right. Good times. Let's speak to a chlamydia question. It's been a while. Jessica?

1:01:22 Caller Hello.

1:01:23 Adam You're 20?

1:01:24 Caller Yeah.

1:01:24 Adam What's up?

1:01:25 Caller Well, basically, I was wondering if I haven't had a period for about six to eight months, could that be a serious situation? I've had chlamydia in the past and then I got it again. It relapsed somehow and then I went on to birth control to try to get my period back and it came back but has very, very bad effects from the birth control.

1:01:49 Caller What happened?

1:01:51 Caller I started freaking out. I felt depressed all the time and then it was just up and down, up and down. My face was perfect and then I broke out horribly. I gained so much weight and it tore me apart totally. I had to get off of it and I haven't been able to for the past four or five months gotten a period yet.

1:02:16 Drew How much do you weigh?

1:02:17 Caller I weigh about 110.

1:02:20 Drew Do you have an eating disorder?

1:02:22 Caller No.

1:02:23 Drew Are you underweight?

1:02:24 Caller No. I'm only 5'7, I'm 20.

1:02:27 Drew 5'7, 110 is tiny. Yeah.

1:02:30 Caller I am tiny but I've always had a tiny frame.

1:02:33 Drew Well, one of the things about having an eating disorder is being in denial about it. And if you're underweight, that may be the reason you're not having your period. Being overweight can cause a delay in the cycling and sort of a static estrogen level that never allows cycling. And being underweight can shut you down as well.

1:02:51 Caller I've always been small though.

1:02:53 Drew Being overly athletic can shut you down. But there are many, many other reasons that you need a workup for that.

1:02:59 Adam Well, go get a workup.

1:03:00 Drew But it sounds like, I mean, 110, 5'7, and the first thing I think of would be a weight issue.

1:03:04 Caller I weigh more than that and I'm much shorter, I'll tell you. I'm 5'10, I'm 115.

1:03:08 Drew 5'2, 115, Sadie, and she looks normal, completely put together. So 5'7.

1:03:13 Adam Easy, tiger.

1:03:14 Caller Easy, tiger, we have to get that blue flu around your junk.

1:03:18 Caller I'm eating.

1:03:20 Adam All right, listen, you gotta get a fast metabolism. Go get a workup.

1:03:23 Drew Yeah, absolutely. It could be a thyroid problem. Maybe that's why your weight's down. It could be a lot of different things. It could be ovarian cyst, usually not underweight, but sometimes polycystic ovarian disease. There's a lot of different reasons women can get this problem. It's something called a hypothalamic pituitary access dysfunction where you just aren't cycling. And that can have a multiple, multiplicity of causes.

1:03:41 Adam So, entertainment tonight, I think it was like Ashley Olson out on the, it's Fashion Week. Oh my God. Normally, you know, the Access Hollywood and entertainment tonight, insider, normally, I don't actually vomit when I watch a show, but I feel myself bringing up bile. And I have to just, I can walk over the sink and spit it out or sometimes just swallow it. But during Fashion Week, forget about it.

1:04:04 Drew You've just straight up vomit.

1:04:06 Adam Just, just savage gay guys running around, chicks, you know, strung out on heroin, everyone just a huge charm bracelet of ass kissing, just a giant circle of everyone just kissing everyone's ass. And it's just a disaster. But-

1:04:25 Drew So Ashley?

1:04:26 Adam Ashley Olsen was like attending. All the big celebrities got to go out to Fashion Week in New York. I don't know what goes on, but the point is, is she looked emaciated.

1:04:38 Drew Even Mary Kate?

1:04:39 Adam Was that Mary Kate? I don't know.

1:04:40 Drew Ashley, they are so tiny.

1:04:43 Adam No, no, but this one was drawn and sunken. And whatever the problem was, it ain't gone. I mean, sunken eyes, dark circles.

1:04:54 Drew Yeah, so sad.

1:04:55 Adam Crazy spindly looking. I mean, something's going on. And you know, well, what causes the eating disorder? Well, controlling parents.

1:05:04 Drew Yeah? Yeah, it's one of them. A trauma, another addiction.

1:05:07 Adam Trauma, controlling. I mean, whatever. You get showbiz parents. It's usually, and you gotta have show business parents. You're gonna be in showbiz your entire life.

1:05:15 Drew They are the nicest girls you ever wanna meet. They really are. They get, it's almost savage the way they go after them.

1:05:21 Adam Yeah, but let me say this. They didn't go after them. I just saw them, and it was like, it was very easy to tell, just like before when there was a prom. But here's the thing, Drew. You perpetuate this whole thing by, someone has an eating disorder, and you go, they're so nice. They're so nice. You're shaming them. It's not, it's like if someone had cancer, you wouldn't go, oh, but they're nice. They're nice.

1:05:42 Drew No, it's similar to what you were saying earlier this evening about just because somebody is dysfunctional, you don't leave them. You don't reject them. You don't attack them because they have a problem.

1:05:50 Adam I know, but you just focus on them being nice instead of if it was any other problem, you would focus on the problem.

1:05:56 Drew But it feels to me, and you're correct if I'm wrong on this, that we still have sort of a primitive man mentality when it comes to people with illness. They become like, oh, they must be evil. There must be something wrong with them. Let's all stare and shun.

1:06:08 Adam We, no, we have a primitive man approach to problems that are brought on to yourself. I don't think we have that. Yes, we don't have that toward cancer. We did have it toward AIDS because there's the packing of the fudge. Let's not discount that. Well, there is that. Yeah, there is that. We shouldn't judge, but we can't judge, but sometimes weaker people do.

1:06:33 Drew Just join the union.

1:06:34 Adam We do it with people that are morbidly obese. We do it with people that are morbidly underweight.

1:06:40 Drew Well, I just think we do it with mental health. I think they become the new freak show of our society.

1:06:44 Adam Yes, because we say, look, if you would just eat something or look, if you would just quit eating if you had the strength, if you had the fortitude, we would leave you alone. Whereas somebody who has a hair lip or cleft palate or born with three ears, we don't mess with them too much, at least not when they're in the room. Be some three-year chokes as they leave. But the point is we won't monkey with those people too much because that's a sort of God did that to you as opposed to you doing it to. We look at you, we look at it as you doing it to.

1:07:12 Drew It's free will, it's free will.

1:07:14 Adam But I think the other thing we respond to in the case of celebrities is denial. The media denies it, they deny it, everyone denies it. And they say, oh, she's exhausted, oh, she needs to relax, she needs to... And it turns out...

1:07:28 Drew That's inexcusable, I think, when they do that.

1:07:30 Adam Well, it happens every time. And then what happens is people start poking around, they get some answers, and then they go on the attack and they start going, it's not exhaustion, it's just bulimia. And then that's when it starts, and then everyone says, well, why is everyone pointing the finger? Well, you weren't forthright. You come out and say whatever it is, people tend to leave you alone a little more.

1:07:49 Drew That's true.

1:07:50 Caller All right.

1:07:51 Adam And Drew, so you shouldn't be saying, oh, they're nice.

1:07:54 Drew I'm just feeling the attacking part and not linking it to history.

1:07:58 Adam All right. Let's take a break.

1:08:00 Drew Yeah.

1:08:00 Adam Should we take a break?

1:08:01 Drew Yeah.

1:08:02 Adam Wait a minute, we have some penis questions from Kyle. When we come back, let's see, Kyle?

1:08:07 Caller Hey, what's up, guys?

1:08:08 Adam You have penis-related questions?

1:08:10 Caller Yeah, that's right.

1:08:11 Adam Nineteen?

1:08:12 Caller Yeah.

1:08:14 Adam What's one of them?

1:08:16 Caller Well, I talked to the screener and he told me only to ask the second one. So, what is he?

1:08:22 Drew Just for that, ask the first one.

1:08:23 Adam Now, I'm hanging up on him. I'm putting him on hold. It's just sort of retarded semi. It's sort of angry, it's sort of anti-social, that part where you got to go, screener told me to do it, but I never, how about you just ask the goddamn second one, if that's what the screener told you to do? Have to hear the part where the screener, and then it seems like we're steering the show. Yeah, just ask the second one. Or, ask for it.

1:08:48 Drew Ask the first one. Yeah, go ahead.

1:08:50 Adam Or ask anyone, just ask it.

1:08:52 Drew I don't know what the first one was.

1:08:53 Adam Oh, who cares? Let's take a break. Kyle's over there in Oakland, Sadie Allison here tonight. Penis expert. Oh yeah. We'll take a quick break, we'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Lovelineman, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Sadie Allison in here tonight. She's a penis expert and a vagina expert. Let's be fair to the ladies. She's got a little book out called Tickle His Pickle, and she's got herself a website. Pow! ticklekitty.com And you can get everything over there. You got your lotions, you got your nutsack glasses, you got everything.

1:09:49 Caller Tickle His Pickle pleasure kit Valentine's Day. I've been telling everybody, instead of giving chocolate and flowers, give the gift of pleasure and try some new things in the bedroom.

1:09:58 Adam Does anyone ever even give chocolate anymore? I just think that's some sort of carryover from 1954.

1:10:05 Drew From 1890, really?

1:10:07 Adam Well, maybe Ricky Ricardo got Lucille Ball that in an episode, but not since then.

1:10:12 Drew Why replace by flowers?

1:10:15 Adam I don't know. At least, the chocolate's going to be gone in a day, but at least it went in you.

1:10:21 Drew You experience something, yeah.

1:10:21 Adam It ends up in the garbage, and it's really, flowers are sort of chocolate that you have to throw away in a couple of days. Like, here's the thing, I got some chocolate, take the lid off, display it nicely on the living room table. Just look at it, smell it, touch it if you like.

1:10:36 Caller I don't like getting chocolate.

1:10:37 Adam Three days with chocolate.

1:10:38 Drew You do like it or don't like it?

1:10:39 Caller No, I don't.

1:10:39 Drew Okay.

1:10:40 Caller Because I think there's much more original gifts you can get for someone if you put some thought into it.

1:10:46 Adam I swear I don't know anybody who's ever gotten anyone chocolate.

1:10:52 Drew It almost sounds quaint though.

1:10:53 Adam It does sound quaint and maybe it's something that goes on in the middle of the country or maybe it's just one of these sort of, I don't know, not quite a wives tale, but almost one of these things just got lumped in on Valentine's Day. I don't know that it ever happened. Well, have you ever bought, I mean, the last 20 years, have you ever bought anyone chocolate for Valentine's Day?

1:11:14 Drew No, kids do it.

1:11:15 Adam Kids buy their mom some chocolate.

1:11:17 Drew Or kids buy each other chocolate and they give them little cards.

1:11:20 Adam Yeah, they give her Hershey's Kiss and whatever.

1:11:22 Drew Or little chocolate hearts and things. All right.

1:11:25 Adam You know what are horrible? The little hearts with the little sayings on it that just taste like dried toothpaste.

1:11:31 Caller Yeah, they used to be good when we were in high school.

1:11:33 Drew They're the same. They've always been the same.

1:11:35 Adam No, they didn't used to be good. It was nice if you liked somebody and they gave you that Be My Valentine thing. But other than that, it's like somebody just took a crest and stuffed it in a mold shaped like a heart and it dried out in the sun. Horrible, chalky, weird pink colors.

1:11:50 Drew You can't read the sun either.

1:11:51 Adam You try to look at it and you get tired of it and you eat it and it tastes like hell.

1:11:54 Drew And by the way, yeah, it's 2005. Really? Can't approve of that a little bit?

1:11:58 Adam There seems like...

1:11:59 Caller They're still around, but believe it or not, when I used to eat those, I could find the difference between the fresh packs where you can actually chew them and they're slightly chewy and then they fall apart versus the ones that are too hard and all you can do is suck on it.

1:12:10 Adam Well, the good ones taste like someone took chalk, took eraser dust, mixed it with toothpaste, and the bad ones are just pure eraser dust. Alright, let's take a question from the lovely Kyle.

1:12:23 Drew You're going to take Kyle now? He's the one that's going.

1:12:25 Adam I've turned the corner with Kyle. Go ahead, Kyle.

1:12:28 Caller Alright, Adam, I apologize for what we talked earlier.

1:12:32 Adam That's alright.

1:12:33 Caller Did not mean to anger you.

1:12:34 Adam Takes a big, big man to apologize to big, big man. Go ahead, brother.

1:12:39 Caller I was wondering what is the average penis length?

1:12:43 Drew Five and a half inches, roughly.

1:12:45 Caller Five and a half.

1:12:45 Drew Depending on what ethnicity is you included in.

1:12:48 Adam Drew, please.

1:12:49 Drew Slipper slope. Slipper slope. There's no difference. It's profiling. It's penis profiling. How dare you?

1:12:54 Adam No difference. Hey, Sadie, what have you learned? What do you got?

1:12:59 Caller What Drew said, but I've also learned that there is a difference between ethnicities, mainly between black and white.

1:13:06 Adam How dare you?

1:13:08 Drew Did you hear this? I'm offended.

1:13:09 Adam There's no difference in any group or ethnicity about anything, ever, ever, never.

1:13:15 Drew How dare you? It's a profiling otherwise.

1:13:16 Adam I'll tell you why. Because if you start going down that road, then you start going down the Judgment Highway.

1:13:20 Drew It's a slippery slope, Adam. You start thinking that black has a larger phallus. You can't do it. Then you're going to start thinking that Asians are worse drivers. Syrians drive planes into buildings.

1:13:30 Caller They're ahead of the San Francisco.

1:13:33 Adam How dare you? No. Never. Never. Go ahead, Kyle.

1:13:38 Drew So yes, we agree with that.

1:13:40 Adam Well, listen, here's the thing with the brother man. Folks in warmer climates stands to reason they have just longer appendages. They have longer arms or the ax are longer.

1:13:51 Drew You dissipate heat better the more your surface area to volume. And the longer you are, the better that ratio. You notice how you get towards Alaska and people start looking like spheres.

1:14:02 Caller Right.

1:14:02 Drew That's optimizing in the other direction. That's retaining heat because the surface area is less relative to volume.

1:14:07 Caller Right.

1:14:08 Adam So you have two guys, they both weigh 200 pounds. One of them grows up in Sahara, Africa, and that guy is going to be 6'6, and he's going to look like an NBA player because the parts, fingers, penises, everything.

1:14:24 Drew Penises, everything.

1:14:25 Adam Sack dragon on the ground.

1:14:26 Drew Everything.

1:14:28 Adam Anything to dissipate heat. You have a 200 pound guy grows up in Antarctica.

1:14:33 Drew Bowling ball.

1:14:34 Adam Bowling ball. He's going to be 5'1. He's going to be the size of his cheeks.

1:14:38 Drew A plenty.

1:14:39 Adam A plenty.

1:14:40 Caller That's really interesting.

1:14:41 Adam He's going to keep his heat in, right?

1:14:42 Drew That's right.

1:14:43 Adam But don't expect much downstairs either.

1:14:45 Drew That's got to be inside too. That's why he dissipated heat.

1:14:48 Adam That's right.

1:14:49 Drew What do you think the cremasteric response is all about?

1:14:52 Adam Yep. Sack going right up into that igloo. Alright. So there you go. There you go. Kyle?

1:15:00 Caller Yep.

1:15:01 Adam Any other dork related questions?

1:15:04 Caller You know, that's it. Thanks.

1:15:06 Drew Genius. Well done.

1:15:08 Adam It seems like they haven't done one of those studies in a little while with the penis length.

1:15:12 Drew I haven't seen one published in a little while. I'm sure they're out there once in a while. Yeah.

1:15:15 Caller I haven't seen one either.

1:15:16 Drew Because you know why? Because it might be a slippery slope to send people down and they wouldn't want to do that.

1:15:20 Adam No. You cannot judge.

1:15:21 Drew It might urge profiling.

1:15:23 Adam You can't judge. It's impossible to judge. No. No. Like I said, profiling is a bad, bad, bad thing. And, you know, really, here's what I really, here's what I hope. I hope that these ACLU homos, I hope their kids get abducted. And then the FBI guy comes by and says, well, there'll be no profiling. We're just going after everyone. We're going after older Asian women. We're going after, we're going after gay guys and straight guys. We're going after the Arab guys.

1:15:55 Drew We're starting in the nursing homes.

1:15:56 Adam We're starting in the nursing homes. We're going to work our way to the kindergartens. To kindergartens. Now we'll not, we can't. We can't.

1:16:03 Drew It's impossible.

1:16:03 Adam Now you.

1:16:04 Drew In fact, can we even limit it to human beings? Because that's what a profiler is.

1:16:07 Adam Now we're going outside the species. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. That's what I hope. That'd be very, now you learn a very valuable lesson on profiling, now don't you idiots. Dairy. Oh, I would love that. I would love that. Now we don't know where to start. We don't know where to look. Of course.

1:16:26 Caller Yes.

1:16:27 Adam 27?

1:16:28 Caller Yeah.

1:16:29 Adam What's up? What's so, what are you so angry about? What do we do? Bother you?

1:16:33 Caller What are you doing?

1:16:35 Adam All right. Well, then why don't you, why don't you wipe that smirk off your puss? Okay. You're glad to be here. I am.

1:16:42 Drew All right, here we go.

1:16:43 Adam All right. What's wrong with everyone? Maybe I'm angry tonight. No, but it's like, Kelly, yeah, you're 27, you're on the air. All right. All right. You sound, you sound angered. She did a little bit.

1:16:56 Drew Yeah, let's do that character from a little later on.

1:16:58 Adam Drop your attitude, sweetie pea.

1:17:01 Caller Sorry, I'm driving. That's probably why.

1:17:03 Drew All right. What's going on?

1:17:04 Caller Well, I have a hemorrhoid related question. I actually, I had them and I didn't even know it. I went to a pap smear and I, the lady told me, oh, yeah, it looks like you have a hemorrhoid here. So I was really amazed. I didn't even know what it was or anything. So then-

1:17:22 Drew Do you have a large, this is going to be an out of left field question, but you may or may not know what I'm talking about. Do you have a large torula in your mouth? A large bump on the roof of your mouth?

1:17:35 Caller On the roof of my mouth?

1:17:36 Adam Yeah.

1:17:36 Drew Hold on.

1:17:37 Adam She doesn't know what a hemorrhoid is.

1:17:38 Drew She doesn't know what a torula is. I just thought I'd ask. She's talking like-

1:17:43 Adam She's 27, by the way. I didn't know what a hemorrhoid is. He said I had a hemorrhoid. I didn't know what a hemorrhoid was. Really? Not aware of what one was? 27. That's a good life, by the way. You make it to 27, never heard of a hemorrhoid.

1:18:00 Caller I think she may have meant she didn't know she had them until now.

1:18:03 Adam Well, there was that too, yeah. All right, so Kelly.

1:18:06 Caller It was about, yes.

1:18:08 Drew So you don't have a big bump in the roof of your mouth, the hard palate?

1:18:14 Caller No.

1:18:14 Drew Okay, you talk like you have one.

1:18:16 Adam Okay. That's a compliment.

1:18:19 Drew You're talking like somebody has a structural problem in your mouth. Okay, go ahead.

1:18:21 Adam It's like when my dentist asked me if I chewed tobacco. Thanks, buddy. I like the follow up too. I like when a guy, no, no, I don't. Really? No tobacco? Yeah, I dip. I dip every day. You know that retarded follow up, yeah, yeah, I chew a ton of tobacco. I forgot all about it.

1:18:40 Drew You got to remember, he's used to talking to people like our callers.

1:18:42 Adam Yeah, maybe that's true.

1:18:44 Drew He's not cutting you slack because you're Ace Corolla. You're just a guy sitting in the chair.

1:18:47 Adam I'm just a guy sitting there saying, no, I don't chew tobacco.

1:18:50 Drew Just saying, look, you know what it is? It's a guy saying no to an authority figure's questioning.

1:18:55 Adam I know.

1:18:55 Drew And he gets used to asking that question five times.

1:18:57 Adam I know, but he asked me yes or no, you know, asked me do you or don't you? And I said no. All right. Sorry, Kelly, go ahead.

1:19:04 Caller That's okay.

1:19:05 Caller I it was a few years ago that that happened. And then I had since then, I've had a baby boy. He's down too. And it got worse.

1:19:16 Adam And now it is worse. It got worse.

1:19:19 Caller Yeah. It got bigger. Yeah.

1:19:21 Caller I have a girlfriend whose hemorrhoids got worse as she had more kids.

1:19:23 Drew Well, pretty much everybody has hemorrhoids when you have babies. That's a common thing.

1:19:27 Caller So my question was, and did you think men are like totally turned off? They're going to be like, whoa, what's that?

1:19:36 Adam I'm not. I'm not sure that they should even spot it under normal conditions.

1:19:44 Caller She's got it pretty bad, though.

1:19:45 Drew So if you're so you have the whole you have the the flower there, right? You have the flower looking apparatus coming out of your eye.

1:19:51 Caller I'm not. No, it's not. It's probably like the size of a large kidney bean or something like that.

1:19:58 Drew So you have like a thumb sticking out of your anus.

1:20:02 Caller I guess so.

1:20:03 Drew Yeah. So you have a single hemorrhoid, not a whole bunch of them.

1:20:05 Caller Uh-huh. Right.

1:20:06 Drew I don't think guys are going to...

1:20:07 Adam Can they repair that? They may try to aff it.

1:20:09 Drew No. It's like trying to pop it with his penis.

1:20:13 Adam What's this? Is this one of these he-she dudes? What the... All right. I'm going down on it.

1:20:19 Drew No, that actually sounds like minimal hemorrhoids, frankly, Kelly. People that really have it have a whole like apparatus flowering out there.

1:20:26 Adam Now, what do you do with this? Do you...

1:20:28 Drew Nothing. You keep hemorrhoid cream on it when it flares, you hot bath, you do not...

1:20:32 Adam You don't try to get it back up there?

1:20:33 Drew Yeah, you can push it up if it's uncomfortable, but you don't want to operate it. That operation is miserable. It didn't come back anyway.

1:20:40 Adam Hey, Kelly?

1:20:41 Caller Yeah?

1:20:42 Adam Do you have a boyfriend or husband? Where's the father, the child?

1:20:46 Caller Well, I did, but we recently... We split up. All right.

1:20:49 Adam The kid made it to a year and a half. It's a pretty good run.

1:20:53 Drew Guys, it's not going to break their stride very much, I don't think, Kelly. You can relax about it.

1:20:58 Adam Try to stay in flattering positions.

1:21:00 Caller Right.

1:21:02 Adam That's a good one. Thank you. And listen, you...

1:21:05 Drew That's a strategy for life, by the way.

1:21:08 Adam When you're giving them oral, they're not going to see anything but the top of your head, you know what I'm saying? They've got a little incentive. Well...

1:21:15 Caller You should get a copy of Tickle His Pickle and learn 50 new techniques.

1:21:19 Adam 50?

1:21:20 Caller Yeah, 50 with 100 drawings to guide you through. This is the one I was going to show you on shaving.

1:21:25 Adam Who drew those, by the way?

1:21:26 Caller Steve Lee in San Francisco.

1:21:28 Adam Wow, he's quite gifted.

1:21:30 Caller He's great. He did the illustrations for all three of my books. He had a really good team.

1:21:34 Adam He also did Hop on Pop. Redfish, bluefish. He draws a lovely penis. Yes, yes.

1:21:42 Caller It's pretty funny when we go through the creative process. We've gotten better at it. Now we take digital pictures.

1:21:48 Adam Oh, you do?

1:21:49 Caller Of penises. Well, dildos in my hand, in my mouth. So, and then he would look at the camera and just sketch them out. And then my creative director, when there's pictures of a guy and a girl in here, I was actually the model in these.

1:22:03 Drew Now we're going to look at this.

1:22:05 Adam All right. Now, let me get something straight. I saw that the NAD shaving section, it actually looks like somebody just takes a razor and shaves your ballsack, right?

1:22:19 Caller Yeah.

1:22:19 Adam Do you got to draw that though? You can't just say take a razor and shave your ballsack?

1:22:23 Caller No, because a lot of people don't know exactly how to do things. And that's why this book is so detailed. But how do you shave your balls?

1:22:29 Adam You're just going to stab yourself with the wrong side of the razor or something?

1:22:34 Caller There's a technique to doing it right.

1:22:36 Adam Just get back to the ballsack.

1:22:37 Drew You left the seminal vesicles where the semen is actually stored. Off of your mirror.

1:22:43 Adam Please, don't critique. I'm critiquing. Go back to the ball shaving drawing. It's a guy holding a pick under a sack.

1:22:51 Drew Is it Mach 3?

1:22:53 Adam Yeah.

1:22:54 Caller You can either stretch the skin down. Because the scrotum, the skin is so loose and stretchy, how do you get a clean shave?

1:23:01 Adam By the way, this guy's got a boner. Do you need to have a boner to shave your balls?

1:23:06 Caller No.

1:23:08 Adam I don't know if I could maintain an erection if I was shaving my balls. And where's the shave cream? Do you put shave cream on there?

1:23:14 Caller You can use cream. You can use soap. There's shaving creams for men.

1:23:18 Adam Down there?

1:23:20 Caller There's one on my website. It's called Sensa Shave.

1:23:22 Adam It's better than just an edge?

1:23:25 Caller It's your preference. Like for myself, I just use soap. I don't like shaving cream.

1:23:29 Adam Specially formulated for the sack?

1:23:31 Caller Uh-huh. For the men's area. Yeah. Check it out. ticklekitty.com.

1:23:36 Adam All right. I'm just going to use some edge. Thank you.

1:23:38 Caller As long as you're doing something. All right.

1:23:40 Adam And do you shave? I mean, is there a razor you can use where you leave a little on there? You know what I mean? Like, you don't want to get all the way down, do you?

1:23:47 Caller Yeah. You don't want pricklies. Either shave or you don't because then you're gonna have half-weight pokes.

1:23:53 Adam You're gonna have pricklies, you know, four days, aren't you? I mean, if you shave your sack.

1:23:57 Drew Yeah.

1:23:57 Caller And then you tidy it up again.

1:23:58 Drew Shave every day.

1:24:00 Adam Listen, I can barely shave.

1:24:01 Caller Do you shave every day?

1:24:01 Drew No.

1:24:02 Caller True?

1:24:02 Drew Well, here, my face. I'm not my testes.

1:24:04 Caller No.

1:24:05 Adam Come on, Drew.

1:24:06 Caller Do you groom yourself?

1:24:08 Drew Yes.

1:24:08 Adam You do.

1:24:10 Drew I'm looking at Lauren doing jumping jacks over there.

1:24:13 Adam Do you do a little sack?

1:24:13 Drew Just saying yes.

1:24:14 Adam You put a little sack there?

1:24:15 Caller I'm trying to find out if you trim your hair.

1:24:16 Drew No sack.

1:24:18 Adam Now, but Drew's like one of those dogs bred for people with allergies. He doesn't have any hair on him.

1:24:23 Drew The cat and the evil hat.

1:24:25 Adam You can go with dog.

1:24:26 Drew The dog?

1:24:27 Adam Yeah. Or cat.

1:24:28 Caller I encourage all guys to at least trim because what the hair does is it retains your sweat and your odors.

1:24:34 Adam I know. But what about your chicks?

1:24:36 Caller You're a two way street.

1:24:38 Adam But aren't you guys hardcore? I mean, what about pheromones? What about our essence, man?

1:24:43 Caller We still got that. That's still around.

1:24:45 Adam You don't need that?

1:24:46 Caller Not from your pubic hair.

1:24:48 Adam I'll tell you, I had a revealing yet embarrassing conversation with some co-workers yesterday about junk versus the trunk. And what? Well, I told them my sack can work it up better than the back end. You know what I'm saying?

1:25:04 Drew Or funk.

1:25:04 Adam I get more funk going front side than backside. Now, I mean, of course, if you buried your face in my ass, you'd get something. But I mean, in terms of range, I got more range in the front side.

1:25:16 Drew Yeah, I think there's more places for bacteria to grow.

1:25:20 Adam Yeah, you go to the gym, you put those cycling shorts on and hit the treadmill for 20 minutes.

1:25:25 Drew But the bacteria grow in creases and things. And you got a lot of creases in the tether. You got the Sherwood Forest in the back there.

1:25:30 Adam Yeah. Yeah, it's tough. I got to groom. I got to start grooming. All right. Take a little break.

1:25:38 Drew I think you're gonna have to be shearing.

1:25:39 Adam I'm gonna start shearing and then grooming. I got to shave. And then you got to shave your sack every three days?

1:25:44 Caller You don't have to shave at all. You can just trim your hair and just keep it tidy if you want.

1:25:47 Adam Trimming's tough down there though.

1:25:49 Drew It might slip. It could be an earthquake.

1:25:52 Adam You don't know. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:26:01 Drew We'll be right back.

1:26:02 Caller Please hold.

1:26:16 Adam Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline. That's Dr. Drew, Sadie Allison in here tonight.

1:26:22 Caller She's good radio.

1:26:23 Adam She's a wave. Yeah. Drew must have coached her in the break. She got the Tickles Pickle book out there. We'll take a question for her regarding the aforementioned shaving. Sunny.

1:26:40 Caller Yes.

1:26:41 Adam 19, what's up?

1:26:43 Caller Well, I like shaving all the way, but I can't do it every day and I don't like the little prickly. I try to do it and my pores will start to bleed. It's very unpleasant and I was just wondering if there's something else that Sadie might suggest that would be better.

1:27:00 Caller Yeah. First, I would try different products, whatever you're using to shave, if it's soap or creams, start trying some different ones. Also, what I find is if you're having a lot of inner course after you shave, that's when you get more bumps because there's all that friction going on. So if you change-

1:27:17 Adam Now with the Ace man, I don't hit the sides. I go right through nothing but net.

1:27:22 Caller So I find changing the position to maybe-

1:27:24 Drew Swish.

1:27:24 Adam Swish.

1:27:25 Caller Doggy style or if you're on top, then there's less friction on your pubic area so that your little bumps can heal before you shave next.

1:27:32 Caller Well, I'm not actually getting any bumps.

1:27:35 Drew What are you getting?

1:27:37 Caller I'm just, my pores are literally, they start to bleed.

1:27:40 Drew You're shaving too close.

1:27:42 Caller Yeah, try a different razor.

1:27:43 Caller Yeah, I don't know.

1:27:43 Adam Sonny, how about you leave your crotch alone for let's say- I don't know. Yeah, five, ten minutes. Can you do that? And by the way, that completely bald, just sort of little girl hunk down there, sort of creepy for sane guys. A handful of guys, it turns them on, but for most guys, you must just play the odds.

1:28:02 Caller Like a little landing strip or something.

1:28:04 Adam A little something down there, but this sort of shaved, yeah, this 11-year-old girl is creepy. Well, would you agree with that, Drew?

1:28:15 Drew Oh, absolutely.

1:28:16 Adam That's a little- Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things where it's sort of after our time, they didn't really do that when we were in high school and stuff. And maybe we're just dating ourselves, but the full bald beef down there is weird.

1:28:29 Caller But were you ever down there with an 11-year-old girl when you were 11?

1:28:34 Adam Mainly just 69-ing. I mean, no, you know, actual intercourse.

1:28:37 Drew But how would you even have a recollection?

1:28:38 Caller Because there is no-

1:28:39 Drew And what are you getting at? That it's new. You don't have anything to compare it to, other than what you might imagine it would be like. No, if you had a sister or something and it was like, You didn't see your sister naked?

1:28:52 Adam I've seen Drew's sister naked.

1:28:53 Drew When you were a little kid or something?

1:28:56 Adam No, look, here's the reality. If you've seen, look, if you, let's see, I'm trying to think of a, what is that record cover? Canned Heat or Ten Years After? What is the one with the naked chick on it that looks like Robert Plant? I'll work it out. Drew will never come up with anything. I think it is Blind Faith. The point is, look, you don't have to be a pedophile to have seen people, women or boys, depictions or pictures of them in the nude even if it's just drawings in various stages of life. That's just the way it is. You don't really get through your life without seeing a picture or two of some kid running on the beach in a nudist camp or something.

1:29:41 Drew And I think, by the way, people, man, they're psychologically able to make a lot of those impulses and sort of feelings that young kids have about having or not having penises. But most of that is in response to seeing their peers. Who else are they seeing?

1:29:54 Adam Nathan?

1:29:55 Caller Yeah. How's it going? Yeah. My big question is probably for Dr. Drew. I've been having sex for quite a while, but for the last few girls I've been with, I haven't been able to orgasm at all. And I'm just bringing it on my own.

1:30:10 Drew You can't with orgasm, with the intercourse?

1:30:13 Caller Yeah.

1:30:13 Drew How about with oral sex?

1:30:15 Adam Nope.

1:30:16 Caller Not that either.

1:30:17 Drew And so you have to sort of manually stimulate yourself?

1:30:19 Caller Yeah, usually that's what goes on with myself.

1:30:24 Adam Well, how do you do when you're alone? Does that work okay?

1:30:28 Caller Yeah, I do pretty good.

1:30:30 Caller I think I'm a follow of yours, Adam.

1:30:33 Drew So you're daily at yourself, once a day?

1:30:36 Caller Yeah, definitely.

1:30:37 Drew And how long does it take you when you're alone?

1:30:41 Caller I can kind of go at my own pace. Like it doesn't really matter. I could probably five to 15 minutes.

1:30:47 Drew What's your best?

1:30:49 Caller My best, like shortest amount.

1:30:51 Drew Yeah.

1:30:52 Caller Probably like two minutes.

1:30:53 Drew Okay, so you can do two minutes by yourself?

1:30:55 Caller Yeah, easy.

1:30:56 Drew Yeah.

1:30:56 Adam You can't do it. You're getting too used to yourself. A woman is sort of bizarre and unusual.

1:31:03 Drew As you often say, it's good, but it's not the real thing.

1:31:06 Adam A woman?

1:31:07 Drew Yeah.

1:31:07 Adam Yeah. Oh, yeah.

1:31:08 Caller What I have found works with that. If a guy is masturbating that frequently, you can squeeze a lot harder than a vagina can feel, and you can go a lot faster than you can when you're having sex. So you're probably conditioning your body to respond to you more than you're used to a vagina now. So you might want to lay off masturbating. See if that helps.

1:31:26 Adam Well, here's the other thing, too. Guys go at it in one position, and it's not the position. It's not them on top. You know, if you think about it, they're just lying on their back or they're beating off in the shower. Then all of a sudden, they're on top of a woman, and they're in sort of a push-up position, and that's not the position they're used to going in. Nathan?

1:31:45 Caller Yeah?

1:31:46 Adam You're going to have to, what position you beat off in?

1:31:51 Caller Usually I'm standing.

1:31:53 Adam All right, but you're never standing with a woman?

1:31:56 Caller No, I mean, the thing is, when I'm with somebody, I just started dating somebody, and I'm not beating off when she's around, you know?

1:32:04 Adam Yeah, but here's the thing. You need to beat off in a few different positions. If you could work that out, here's the thing.

1:32:16 Drew Increase your range.

1:32:17 Adam Yeah.

1:32:18 Drew And slow it down.

1:32:19 Adam You're doing the shower thing right now. If you do lying your back thing, if you can do the sitting on the pot thing, if you can do standing over the sink thing, if you can do it the step mom's jewelry box thing. Oh my God. I've spoken too much. If you can get, you show me a guy who can handle himself behind the wheel, in the shower, on the pot, in the bed, I'll show you guys going to be able to achieve something with a lady. Yes?

1:32:48 Drew Yes.

1:32:49 Adam Yes. I really do think that shower is deadly. I don't know what the FBI crime statistics are and guys buying it in the shower each year, but you lose your, you get the calf cramp, the leg locks up.

1:33:04 Drew Oh, you're going over.

1:33:05 Adam Next thing you know, impaled on the soap dish, that thing sticking out of the thing.

1:33:09 Drew Right in the chest wall.

1:33:10 Adam By the way, as far as the shower goes, could the tub be made any slicker? Could the thing sticking out of the wall be any sharper?

1:33:17 Drew Right.

1:33:18 Adam You know what I mean? Like the handle has four sharp prongs on it, like most of us.

1:33:23 Drew It's like a spear gun.

1:33:24 Adam Yeah. Well, you can get here with the part that's sticking out, and then the soap dish is this thing that's embedded in the wall. It's got another sharp handle on it. The whole thing is sort of meant to kill old people. It's a killing chamber for old people.

1:33:37 Drew And then there's a nice ledge in the back, so if you go backwards, your head can smack right against that.

1:33:42 Adam Yeah.

1:33:42 Drew You won't be sure not to slide without it.

1:33:44 Adam Right. And here's the thing. The tub will be sloped at a weird angle. Each edge will be curved like a cyclorama and will be spraying a cascade of water on it while you just stand there and eventually whack your head on something. All right.

1:33:58 Caller Wow, you guys are deep.

1:33:59 Adam It's tough.

1:34:00 Drew I'm still looking for masturbation and iris subjects. Keep calling and we got to go to break.

1:34:03 Adam We'll be back after this.

1:34:20 Caller If you need help, call Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:34:38 Adam Well, that's it, everybody. I want to thank Sadie Allison for coming in here tonight. She's going to give her web address out, web address out, that is, as soon as I give a quick plug to her Tickle His Pickle book. Fantastic. I read it. I loved it. Go ahead, Sadie.

1:34:54 Caller Oh, thank you. Tickle His Pickle, your hands-on guide to penis pleasing, is available at ticklekitty.com, as well as all the products you heard us talking about tonight, the Blue Betty, the Slippery Kitty Lube, the Pleasure Kits, there's all kinds of great stuff, and I even have free sex tips for everybody that's free. Just go to the home page to ticklekitty.com and download it and have a great Valentine's Day.

1:35:17 Adam Drew's angry because I didn't read Cracked, but I read Tickle His Pickle 11 times.

1:35:21 Drew Yeah, that's insulting and disturbing.

1:35:24 Adam Well, it's an easy read. We'll take ourselves a quick break, and until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:35:32 Caller Drew, you can come in here with me.

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Tuesday, February 8, 2005