Episode 1000677954215

3:46 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

4:03 Voiceover This is Loveline.

4:07 Voiceover With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

4:10 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I haven't thought for a while how much that opening sucks.

4:15 Oh, it's good.

4:15 Adam With the Drew and all the different Loveline.

4:18 Drew Put your nasally drone, rings it through and just carries it.

4:20 Adam Yeah, it's bad. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew. Wham. Board Certified Physician, Dixon's Medicine Specialist. Tonight, we have Against. Good to see you guys. Good to see you. Thanks for having us. Yeah, thanks for having us. The band is from Chicago. Tim and Brandon are here to start. And Joe and Chris are going to come in and do a little round robin action. The band just got back from Australia or New Zealand or both.

4:54 Drew How long were you there for?

4:55 We were there for about...

4:55 Adam Almost 2 weeks.

4:56 Yeah, almost 2 weeks.

4:58 Adam You know, everybody, by the way, every single time we have a guest, somewhere in the first 15 seconds, I hear engineer Anderson, who's always ironically potted way up, yell, turn the gas up, which scares the yes out of everybody.

5:12 I wasn't sure what that was.

5:13 Drew But no one else hears it except us here in the studio, which we appreciate that, Anderson.

5:18 I thought it was some sort of fire drill.

5:20 Adam Right. Make love to that microphone. So, you know, I've never been to Australia. Everyone says you have to go. That's everyone's take when they go.

5:28 I concur. You definitely got to go. That's good times. Yeah.

5:30 Adam Do I have to go to New Zealand?

5:33 New Zealand is more of like the nature aspect of like the beauty of that area. You know what I mean? It's just a beautiful area. But Australia is where it's at. It's kind of like Canada, but with more sun, I think.

5:42 Adam And you have to go because the people or just the size of the place or the Great Barrier Reef, which I would like to see.

5:51 We unfortunately didn't see a lot of like the wildlife and like the, you know, all the great natural areas. But the people there were amazing, you know, so cool, so polite.

5:59 Adam You know what they have at the Great Barrier Reef, Drew? The Giant Clam.

6:03 Drew Yes, they do.

6:04 Adam Clams.

6:05 Drew Huge.

6:06 Adam Trash can size clams. I'm not kidding. Like three, four hundred pounds.

6:10 Drew See, the clam went out of vogue before.

6:11 Adam You guys don't know from Giant Clams.

6:13 Apparently, no.

6:15 Adam You think you eat clams. Clams eat you.

6:18 They eat.

6:19 Drew Divers get caught in them every day. They get their foot caught in them. Or the clam bites them.

6:23 Adam That's what we, every show I watched growing up either, if someone was on land, they ended up in quicksand. And if they went out in the ocean, the giant clam came down on their foot. And then people don't think there is such a thing. There is such a thing as a giant clam.

6:37 We've been grossing a sled.

6:39 Adam Yeah.

6:39 Drew I don't think they have them in fish tanks anymore, bubbling and opening and closing.

6:43 Adam Once in a while, you go to a restaurant, you see the giant clam shell. I always loved the king crab when it's up on the wall.

6:51 Drew Oh, it's huge. You have an eight foot arm span.

6:53 Adam Yeah, but you know what sucks? And then the one that shows up on your plate is the size of the salad, the dinner salad plate. And you're like, hey, look at this. Look at what? I got to sit underneath the king of all crabs and eat this little sand crab.

7:06 Drew Remember the giant clams too.

7:08 Adam You know what they should do? If I had a if you know if I had a seafood restaurant, here, I'd be my thing. The one on the wall, the one on plate always has to be bigger than the one on the wall. We'll put a small one on the wall and then we'll put king crab under it. And then everyone will get a crab and go, look, it's bigger than that one.

7:22 Drew Now, like I said, the sand crab goes on the wall.

7:24 Adam Yeah, sand crab. No, no, no. Pubic lice. The crab. The pubic crab up on the wall. And then I serve the Alaskan king crab. Everyone's looking at the pubic crab one. Oh my God. I'm going to eat the mother of all crabs. That's smart. All right. Write that down. Somebody write that down.

7:43 I got it. I got it.

7:44 Adam All right. You got it? We're going to hear something off of Siren's Song of the Counterculture, name of the CD. I think you guys are going to be at the Henry Fonda Theater out here on February 10th. You ever do the Henry Fonda before?

7:59 Yeah. I put it once last year with Anti-Flag.

8:01 Adam It's a nice little theater. It's on Sunset, right? Is that Hollywood?

8:06 Drew Hollywood, I think. Is that?

8:07 Adam Yeah. We lived there a whole lot.

8:10 We're from Chicago. Yeah.

8:11 Adam It's right in the heart of Hollywood. We'll hear a couple of songs from the band, take some calls, do all that stuff. All right. Anything else we're missing? What's going on? Any questions for us? No.

8:22 We're just stoked to be here, man. You're cool? Yeah.

8:24 Adam You're glad you've heard the show?

8:26 Oh, yeah.

8:26 Adam Good.

8:27 Yeah.

8:27 Adam All right. Well, let's rock. Here it is, everybody. Yeah. Get It On. Break it down. Sarah?

8:37 Yes.

8:37 Adam Sarah, you're 20?

8:39 Caller Yes.

8:40 Adam What's up?

8:42 Caller Well, I have a question. I've known this guy for about three years, and we used to date, and we're kind of thinking about getting back together. And I know that before when we used to date, he said something about that he had warts on his penis. And so that was kind of a factor as far as ever having like intercourse with each other, because I was afraid that maybe if I did, I might get something like that. And I was just wondering about that.

9:14 Drew Have you ever had an abnormal pap smear yourself?

9:17 Yes.

9:18 Drew Okay, so that means you probably already have the warts.

9:21 Well, we never had intercourse.

9:23 Drew No, do you have abnormal, did anybody have intercourse with you?

9:28 Yes.

9:29 Drew Okay, whoever that was.

9:30 Adam Really?

9:31 Drew Warts are very common, Sarah.

9:32 Adam That just means Drew has warts. Every time I hear that, I just picture. I look at a giant wart. I look at you, I see a wart with glasses.

9:39 Drew Speaking.

9:40 Adam Yeah, speaking, but with glasses.

9:42 Drew Thank you.

9:43 Adam See, I work the other angle with my ladies. If you don't have sex with me, you're going to get warts. They're not smart enough to do the math.

9:51 Drew You have to do the blackboard out.

9:52 Adam They just hop right on.

9:54 Drew But Sarah, if you've had abnormal pap smears, you may already have the virus. You may want to check with your doctor about that. Well, that doesn't mean you should necessarily be exposed to another one.

10:01 Adam Every chick has had an abnormal pap smear.

10:04 Caller I've never slept with him is the thing.

10:06 Drew I know, but-

10:07 Adam You could have slept with someone else with warts.

10:08 Drew Yes, warts are exceedingly common. Most of your friends have the wart virus.

10:12 Adam Not most.

10:13 Drew Most?

10:13 Adam Not most. Half, half. You always say this. You're so convinced of this that I want $100 from you. By the way-

10:21 Drew I paid you.

10:22 Adam I know. But getting $100 from-

10:25 Drew I went across the street.

10:26 Adam Dr. Drew is like getting a rope toy away from a pit bull. I mean, it just takes like a bullet and a taser. Even then, even when the dog is dead, you have to get a flat bar and there's a prize. Jaws open. The fact that Drew gave me $100 for not having warts means I am wart-free.

10:44 Drew Yeah, I couldn't prove there were warts. I still know they got to be there. He had a stunt penis put on that day. I know it. That's right.

10:49 Adam I know it. All right.

10:50 Drew All right. But listen, Sarah, you're right that you could easily get the wart virus. Wearing a condom will reduce the risk substantially, but not take it away completely. Just because you probably already have the wart virus doesn't mean you should be exposed to another one necessarily. And some of the wart viruses are associated with cervical cancer, some not so much. But the big issue is to try to protect yourself in any way you can and realize these are very, very, very common.

11:11 Adam Drew, relax. Sarah, how many, she's from Arkansas, she doesn't have warts.

11:15 Caller I'm actually from Iowa.

11:17 Drew Oh, then that's, come on, Anna, I told you.

11:19 Adam Well, first off, no difference, by the way. Arkansas, Iowa.

11:24 Caller It's the same state, isn't it?

11:26 Adam It is. I thought they were just cities in the same great state of Iowa. But wait a minute, how many guys have you been with?

11:34 Caller Maybe about, at the most, I don't know, six.

11:39 Adam Yeah. Now, first off, you know, there's no 20-year-old shit.

11:43 Drew Yeah, what's the number?

11:43 Adam Who's got it rounded down to somewhere between 8 and 11. You know exactly.

11:48 Caller It's around there. I haven't been with a lot of people.

11:50 Drew What's the number?

11:51 Adam Well, it's higher than six. We know that.

11:53 Drew It's got to be seven or eight.

11:54 Caller Which?

11:54 Adam It's probably more in the 10 range.

11:57 It's probably around in 10.

11:58 Caller Yeah. I'm not sure.

12:00 Drew Sarah, stop with the around stuff. How many? You know how many. Just tell us. Just make it a Baker's Dazing.

12:06 Caller No, I really don't.

12:07 Drew All right. Are you orgasmic during intercourse?

12:11 Caller With some people.

12:13 Adam All right. Very evasive. Look, you must be attractive, but over the radio, that doesn't translate, so I'm going to cut you loose. All right. All right. This is what I can always tell good-looking women, because you have to pry every answer out of them, because that's how it works, because people don't go, hey, who do you know at the party? And they go, I don't know. And the guy just will keep standing there. Yeah. Then they'll go, hey, listen, bitch, take a hike. Give me a call on or something, would you? Please walk backwards. I don't want to look at your ass. Please. Guys never do that. The hot chicks, they just stay with it. They stay with them. But over the radio, you can tell they're pain in the ass. But you know, that's how you know they're hot.

12:53 Drew She doesn't get a chance to work her magic on you.

12:55 Adam Yeah.

12:56 Drew Yeah.

12:56 Adam You know what? You know what? If I was going to do it, I may just do this. I may just open up. You don't know what I'm going to do yet. I may open up one of these sex phone lines, right? And instead of having my chicks do that thing where it's like, oh, I'm so hot for you.

13:11 Caller You're going to blow them off.

13:12 Adam Oh, I miss you. Yeah. I'm going to have the ones. You know they're hot because they're horrible at the sex thing, and they're not that interested, really.

13:20 Caller Hello? Whatever.

13:21 Adam Who is this? Yeah, how about you, diddle, you're being fri- I'm not going to do that. Who the hell is this? Man, she must be hot.

13:29 Drew You're not bitchy enough.

13:30 Adam Yeah, but yeah, it's really like-

13:31 Drew Adam, you're not. Really? That's how bad it gets. Even trying, you're not as bad.

13:36 Adam Yeah, but the point is, is they're so hot, and that's how you know they're hot. They provide a horrible sexual service. That's how you know they're hot. You know what I'm saying?

13:50 Drew Yeah.

13:50 Adam Because a truly hot chick would never go, I was just thinking of you. Take your pant. Oh, you're making me like, like super hot chicks don't get hot when guys do stuff like beat off on a sofa.

14:07 Drew I don't see why not.

14:08 Adam Are your sweatpants down around your slippers? Oh, you're making me hot. That's a hot chick.

14:16 Drew Scary enough, no women are turned on by that. I was going to say.

14:19 Adam I know. But none of them are. None of them are. We have a much better chance of finding one that's not hot being turned on by that. I'm just saying that would be good. Very realistic. That's good.

14:30 Caller I'd find that woman in Arkansas. I could. Maybe Iowa.

14:35 Adam I'm going to start this service up.

14:38 All right.

14:39 Adam Chelsea?

14:40 Caller Yes. Hello, everybody. What's up? I just had a real quick question about birth control. Is it okay to still take it after the expiration date?

14:50 Drew No. That's why there is an expiration date.

14:53 Caller That's what I thought, but he just expired.

14:57 Drew It's one thing if you're trying to deal with a sinus infection and you're taking some tetracycline or something like that, like Zistromax, but this is something that she's got. It has to be as effective as ever. If there's any chance of there being less effectiveness.

15:14 Adam Yeah, but that chance is going to come in two or three weeks.

15:17 Drew You know what I mean?

15:19 Adam Well, look here, okay, let me just say something. This horrible litigious society we're now living in that's run by the pussy lawyers and the ACLU, it's got everyone so freaked out, I don't know who to believe anymore. When something says it's expired, I figure, well, that can't expire on the day. They say it's gonna expire, otherwise they'd be liable for it. They have to go a month earlier. So I actually tack on a month, any expiration dates I see, right?

15:47 Drew Reasonable.

15:47 Adam Yeah, I mean, maybe it's two months. Birth control pill that says you can't take it after the 1st of January is probably good for three months. Maybe it's lessened by 2% and that's enough to get you into trouble.

16:01 Drew Yeah, right, that's exactly right.

16:03 Adam But 2%, you should know it.

16:05 Drew Right, something that's 99.98% effective and you dropped that down to 97.

16:10 Adam Yeah.

16:11 Drew Now you're talking about thousands of babies.

16:12 Adam Yeah, but if you're in Vegas, you'll take those odds.

16:14 Drew In a pitch, yeah, of course.

16:15 Adam Yeah. No, I'm just saying, you know what I'm saying?

16:18 Drew That's what you're saying.

16:19 Adam All right. What stuff's bad? Because I take everything after the day.

16:23 Drew I've seen some horrible reactions to even Tylenol, believe it or not.

16:26 Adam Really?

16:26 Drew Yeah.

16:26 Adam Yeah, but those are light weights.

16:28 Drew Yeah.

16:29 Adam Those aren't me.

16:30 Drew Penicillins.

16:31 Adam I take those. Penicillins, really?

16:33 Drew Tetracyclines.

16:33 Adam I got stuff. Once in a while, I clean out my medicine cabinet by actually eating everything in there. That's a good way to do it.

16:41 Drew Why do you do that? A little cocktail.

16:43 Adam I do that. So I'm like, honey, I'm going to start in the pantry and I'll make my way to the medicine cabinet. I clean out everything in the pantry, I'm just dumping it in my face and then I go to the medicine cabinet, take everything in the medicine cabinet.

16:53 Drew It's not going to be wasteful.

16:54 Adam Oh, man. I ate some Vagisil from 1989 last week. Horrible.

17:01 Drew It tastes like bad margarine.

17:04 Adam I should probably just start throwing some of it out. You buy it, you eat it.

17:08 Drew I have triplets and when we had babies and diapers everywhere, I brushed my teeth with Desitin. Delightful.

17:14 Caller Delightful.

17:16 Adam I'd like to just put a story together, Coffee Table Book of Weird Things.

17:21 Drew Did you brush your teeth with?

17:22 Adam I do celebrities. Weird stuff celebrities have ingested because I brushed my teeth with some sort of vaginal cream in my sister's purse once.

17:31 Caller Nice.

17:31 Adam Well, my sister. Well, let me tell you about the Corollas. We didn't live an extravagant lifestyle. We didn't have two tubes of toothpaste in the entire goddamn house. There was one. And my sister decided she was going to bring it with her like to school or something and brush her teeth after lunch. Now that I think about it, she's probably smoking cigarettes or something and was going to make out with her adult-age boyfriend at the time and wanted to freshen up. So I said, well, where's the toothpaste? And she said, it's in my purse. And I just reached in a purse and pulled out the first thing that came in a tube that was in there and I just happily brushed away.

18:08 Drew How'd it taste?

18:09 Adam Tastes bad.

18:10 Drew Yeah.

18:11 Adam Yeah. My buddy Ray wiped his face with a Tux medicated hemorrhoid pad once thinking it was one of those clear cell pads.

18:21 Drew That's beauty secrets, you know.

18:23 Adam And Jimmy Kimmel wiped his ass.

18:25 Drew That's a good one.

18:26 Adam Yeah, that's an awesome one. His wife was leaving around those, I don't know, like moist towelette. No, but first you had left around these moist towelette things on top of the toilet that you, I guess you used it, you know. Jimmy's pretty messy.

18:42 Drew He had to finish all that hair and stuff.

18:44 Adam Number two is, you know, it's a rough outing for him many times. So he doesn't have time to, you know, take a full bath after each number two. So he was using the moist towelette, I guess, and then went down to the downstairs bathroom after getting used to the moist towelette and reached for something he thought was the moist towelette, which was sitting on the toilet. The turnout was one of those pine-salt and pregnant Mr. Clean. You know, now with Clorox bleach, just wipe his ass with a bunch of pine and bleach and ammonia and just, that's painful.

19:16 Drew Loo off the toilet.

19:17 Adam Yeah. That's good. All right. That's good time. But that's how you learn.

19:21 Yeah.

19:22 Adam That's how you learn. Yeah. Andy?

19:25 Yes. How you doing, guys?

19:26 Adam You're 26?

19:27 Caller Yeah.

19:28 Adam What's up?

19:29 Caller I really originally had a question. I was going to call me and my wife been married for seven years and I still go pretty quick like when we first met.

19:37 Adam Yeah. That's you. That's your rhythm.

19:41 Drew How fast are you? How many minutes?

19:44 Caller I don't know. It's like usually about, how do I say, five.

19:47 Drew Yeah. That's you.

19:47 Caller Five, six minutes.

19:50 Drew That's you.

19:52 Caller But then, and then what got me to call today, though, I just, why are you poking fun at the military? I thought you liked the military.

19:58 Drew Are you in the military?

19:59 Caller Yeah, I'm in the Air Force.

20:01 Adam I like what the military does. Don't get me wrong.

20:07 Caller Yeah, I know. That's what I, because I hear you. I listen to you every night. That's what I say too. I like your guys' show. Thanks. I listen to it every night when I come home from work.

20:14 Drew Where are you calling from?

20:15 Caller In Ohio.

20:16 Drew Where?

20:17 Caller At Wright-Patterson. It's near Dayton.

20:20 Adam Anderson Air Force Base, right?

20:22 Drew Oh, right.

20:23 Adam Look, here's what I say about... This is the enlisted guys, not the officers.

20:28 Drew Well, tell them. All right.

20:30 Adam Well, I'm going to tell them.

20:30 Drew Okay.

20:31 Adam I'm looking at you, Drew. You don't have to look at the screen.

20:33 Drew No, but he wasn't really...

20:35 Adam Andy, you there? Yeah, I'm here. Okay. Let me explain my feelings about this. Guys who go out of high school and go into the military are usually bad students for the most part. And they go in there because they're not college-bound. And usually it's not something that's all that noble. Most of the time, it's just, look, my options aren't very good. They're junior college, which is the coward's way. And then there's working for my uncle's sofa factory. And I don't want to do that. I can go in here and learn something, do a little travel. That's fine. I don't think most people join the military because they're that patriotic or they're that brave, although there are a fair amount of those people. Most of them join because there were crappy students in high school and they don't have any alternatives. That's most.

21:21 Caller Yeah, that's most. I've been in for eight years about and yeah, there's a lot of dirtbags, but there's a lot of people that do still join because they have real deep roots in America.

21:32 Drew Do you think that population is increasing or decreasing now with the war?

21:38 Caller Well, I've noticed myself since September 11th that a lot more people, their reason for joining is to help their country.

21:44 Adam Well, September 11th did for the military, like what Top Gun did for the Air Force. That's a recruiting campaign, a tragic one.

21:54 Caller That's the reason somebody would say they would join. You wouldn't ever say, I joined because I'm a crappy student. You'll say, I joined because I'm a patriotic.

22:01 Drew We talked to them.

22:02 Caller Oh yeah, I do admit that.

22:04 Drew They joined because they had nowhere else to go.

22:05 Adam Well, look, here's my point. Here's where it's going to turn happy here, Andy. What, are you in the Air Force? Yeah, I'm in the Air Force. Yeah, because I don't want to be strafed tonight. I'm going to be beaten off to Cinemax.

22:18 Drew In fact, you've got a few actions you'd like to take on some of our callers, as I recall.

22:21 Adam Yeah, I'm going to have to call in some strikes if you don't mind. Here's the deal, I pay a lot in taxes. I don't want a whole air campaign, but a couple of strikes now and again, just as a little something back for guys paying the kind of taxes I'm paying. That'd be nice, wouldn't it? I'm not talking about bunker busters or anything. I just say get one of those A10 warthogs with the spent uranium gatling guns and just pump a couple of hundred rounds in some select neighbors. What a gig. All right. So here's all I'm saying. The coward's way and the lazy man's ways, they go to junior college. Here's what I mean. If you're a crappy student, you should either, your choices after high school are military or junior college or stepdad sofa pretty much, right?

23:08 Caller The ones who go- You know what, you can break it down a little bit more, though? Instead of military in general, they can lean towards the other services.

23:14 Adam Yeah, army. Yeah, army.

23:16 You got another question, Wendell?

23:17 Caller Bring it on!

23:17 Caller Hurry up! Get out of my face right now!

23:21 Caller Push, push, push you nasty thing!

23:23 Caller We want to puke!

23:25 Adam Yeah, that was during the delivery of their second child. But, no, here's what I'm saying, yeah.

23:31 Drew Boot camp, get on the show.

23:33 Adam Here's what I'm saying. You go to junior college, what do you do? You learn to hate the man, you learn to hate the country, you kick the hacky sack, and you smoke weed and eat, and you get fat, and you do nothing. You go to the military, some black guy picks up a trash can at 6 AM and bangs a wooden spoon in it. You get up, you do some pushups, you climb a rope, they forge you into a man.

23:52 Caller And that's what we need.

23:54 Adam That's what we need. And you know, people don't realize the reason you're a horrible student in high school is because you're lazy and you're weak and you're not assertive and you're not applying yourself. You need to get your ass kicked. I mean, especially guys. Think about all the guys you know. You know, you got the friends with the sons, they're fat, they're lazy, they don't look up when you walk in a room that's glued to the TV set. Those guys need an ass kicking. Don't guys need a little ass kicking?

24:24 Drew Not only do they need an ass kicking, I think young males benefit by putting themselves on the line on behalf of their peers. You know what I mean? To put their body in harm's way to benefit a group of other men that they like. Yeah. I think that really makes me proud.

24:38 Adam Or camaraderie.

24:38 Drew It's a crumb hardship. I watched it when my kids were playing tackle football, all their peers suddenly looked you in the eye more and were more, you know, more direct and more.

24:46 Adam Yeah. We had a whole nation of pussies. That's all. So I'm saying, either go to college or go to the military, but don't go to junior college.

24:54 Drew Did you get a weird email from David Alan Greer tonight?

24:57 Adam No, but I don't look at my email.

24:59 Drew Okay.

25:00 Adam All right.

25:00 Drew He was upset with our conversation last night.

25:02 Adam To do with what?

25:03 Drew Ben Stein and we were talking.

25:05 Adam Oh, Ben was bashing on the black man?

25:07 Drew Well, no, no, we were talking about how good the country was, I think.

25:10 Adam Oh, and he didn't like that?

25:12 Drew And he said, you know, a couple of 40-old white guys up there.

25:14 Adam Oh, all right. Well, it's David. Sorry, buddy. You decide which Porsche you're going to roll in and come on down and do the show. I know it's got to be rough.

25:23 Drew So basically next time we step out of line with David, step on it. Shut up.

25:30 Adam I think syphilis is eating his brain. I really think he's going insane. He may be going insane. Last few times I've seen him, he scared me.

25:38 I like a girl with a big butt with fruit in the middle.

25:41 Caller It's juicy, it's sweet, cuz it's fruit and in the middle.

25:45 Adam Yeah.

25:45 Drew It's scarier than that, huh?

25:46 Adam All right. Let's hear a song.

25:49 Drew Yeah.

25:49 Adam Can we hear a song for Against? Yeah, we got a couple of minutes. Come on, Anderson. We're doing fine. Two minutes late for nothing. Where are we going?

25:58 Drew We're just coming back. And by the way, we're between two and five anyway.

26:00 Adam It's a good point. All right. Michelle, how are you feeling? Feeling good? You got the first song queued up? Yeah, it's called Give It All. Against in the studio tonight, Tim and Brandon in the studio, then Chris and Joe are going to come through here. We will take ourselves a quick little break. We'll be right back after this. We'll be right back.

29:16 Caller Please hold.

29:41 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Tim McElrath is here tonight, along with Brandon Barnes.

29:47 Caller I can't believe you pronounced that right.

29:49 Adam Thank you.

29:49 Caller That's the first person that's pronounced that right in about six months.

29:51 Adam Really? Well, cherish it, because I'm now screwing the next 11 up. Against, in studio tonight, we'll hear something else off of Siren's Song of the Counterculture. Did you fart, Drew? Are you trying to get a look at the screen?

30:05 Drew No, no. All right. You'll know. That's a fart move.

30:08 Adam That's true.

30:09 Drew An aggressive fart move.

30:10 Adam That's right. The folks down at Arrow will know too if Drew breaks wind.

30:14 Drew If I so care, yes.

30:16 Adam All right. Where was we? 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1, unwritten law in here tomorrow night. I don't think they've been in here for a while, have they?

30:25 Drew About a year, I bet. Maybe more. I've got a T-shirt of theirs sitting on my counter.

30:29 Adam Really? Well, the point is, it hasn't moved in a year and a half. Yeah, but it's not in your car.

30:33 Drew No.

30:33 Adam So that's how you know it's over a year.

30:36 Drew Yeah.

30:36 Adam Because the T-shirt will stay in your car. It'll stay in a trunk indefinitely.

30:41 Drew Indefinitely. Right. Yeah, it's like mummified back there.

30:44 Adam What's the impulse to even throw it in the trunk? You can't ride with the T-shirt on the passenger seat. You know what I mean? Once it gets in the trunk, it's not getting into the house.

30:52 Drew You know what it is? It's like, I should take this thing inside. I should take it inside. Then all of a sudden, you're carting four people around somewhere, now it's in the trunk. You just make it space. Boom. That's the end of it.

31:00 Adam You know what you need? You need guys to work on your house. Because you've got guys who work on your house, you then immediately hand over all the T-shirts, the knapsacks, the swag, and the hats, and then they all show up wearing entire ensembles that were built by Mr. Blackwell over here. Sometimes you forget about, you see some college you lectured at, or some band that was in here that never to be heard of again. Yeah. All right. A lot of them don't speak English. You get that 50 and Foxy T-shirt and put it on them, or Gas Crass or Ass. Nobody rides for free. Yeah. I gave my maid's husband a masturbation. It's not a crime shirt. You wore it to work. They made them turn it inside out. You know what I mean?

31:53 It's rude. It's cool.

31:54 Adam I didn't tell the guy to wear it. That's Casual Friday kind of wear.

32:00 Drew If you're people that don't speak English, don't give them obscene things.

32:04 Adam Well, he's a high-powered attorney. I thought he would have known.

32:09 Drew You're right.

32:10 Caller That's the uniform over there.

32:11 Adam I'm just saying, if I was working in Mexico and I got a nice fitting T-shirt which said something on it, I didn't know, I didn't care. I'd just wear it out.

32:18 Drew Yeah.

32:18 Adam Yeah. That may happen. My career could take a turn. Natalia? What's up, baby doll? You're 17.

32:30 Rise Against Yeah.

32:31 Caller I have a question.

32:34 Rise Against I don't get my period every month. I get it like three times, four times a year. And you know how girls, when they don't get their period, they're just like.

32:45 Drew Oh boy, I didn't hear any of that.

32:47 Yeah.

32:48 Caller Huh?

32:49 Adam By the way, all period talk sounds like that to me. I can be riding with my wife in the car and she goes, you know, sometimes you have spiny, my brain just starts shutting stuff out. So I can't tell if that's actually me or that was the phone line.

33:07 Drew I'm not sure.

33:07 Adam Soon I will just hear the sound of air passing over a wing. Until the period talk is done. Yeah? That's what it's going to sound like. Natalia? You there?

33:24 Yeah. All right.

33:26 Adam Is something up with you? Were you battered or abused?

33:32 Drew You definitely have that sound to your voice.

33:35 Rise Against I'm getting over a cold.

33:37 Drew Yeah. No, that's not what we're talking about.

33:39 Adam No.

33:39 Drew Go ahead.

33:40 Adam No. Is everything okay at the home? Any problems?

33:44 Rise Against No, everything's fine.

33:47 Adam Something's going on. What happened? Where's your dad?

33:50 Rise Against Can we have the room?

33:53 Adam And that's your biological father?

33:56 Rise Against No.

33:56 Drew Oh, shocking.

33:58 Adam There we go. See, on other shows, you wouldn't have to ask, where's your dad? They say in the next room. You wouldn't have to keep pursuing, see? On this show, we realize you must keep going. This is an interrogation more than it is a conversation.

34:13 Drew It's pulling a tooth.

34:14 Adam So, where's your real dad?

34:17 Caller I've never met my real dad.

34:19 Drew How old were you when he left?

34:23 Rise Against Before I was born, like my dad now, like he was in the emergency room when I was born and everything.

34:29 Adam He was?

34:30 Drew You were born in the emergency room?

34:32 Rise Against I mean, like, you know, the grandparents were the mom, you know?

34:36 Adam Yeah, he was the janitor. Later hooked up with mom. So this guy's been around since before you were born?

34:46 Rise Against Yeah.

34:47 Adam Wow.

34:48 Drew Who was dad?

34:50 Caller I have no idea.

34:51 Drew She never talks about him?

34:53 Adam No. Your dad, I don't want to call him stepdad. Well, you should get a better name than stepdad if you're around before the kid was actually born. Do you know what I mean?

35:03 Drew Dread.

35:06 Caller Dread. I don't know if that's a better name.

35:08 Adam Yeah, it sounds like you should wear a cape. Dread. Dread is coming to the bridge. All hands on deck.

35:16 Caller Dread.

35:17 Adam Super Dread. All right, so he was, Dread is a good guy.

35:22 Caller Yes.

35:23 Adam All right, everything's fine, mom's good?

35:26 Caller My mom died.

35:29 Drew Oh, by the way.

35:30 Adam Before you were born?

35:31 Rise Against Now, it'll be six years on the 20th.

35:34 Adam I was taking a stab. It's six years before you're born or?

35:38 Rise Against No, after.

35:39 Drew After you were born.

35:40 Caller I'm sorry. I was 11 years old.

35:43 Adam Okay.

35:43 Drew I'm sorry.

35:45 Adam I'm not obstetric. I can't even pronounce it. Obstetrician.

35:49 Drew What did she die of?

35:50 Rise Against She had cancer and has fine.

35:54 Drew Well, that may be the kind of trauma we're hearing here.

35:57 Caller Yeah.

35:58 Adam I mean, mom dying at 11 is horrible.

36:00 Drew It's pretty heavy.

36:01 Caller Yeah.

36:02 Adam Then so, Drad just raised you by himself?

36:06 Rise Against Yeah.

36:07 Drew That's why she has no one to ask about her period questions. Then of course, when she asked her dad, he heard the, that's all he did.

36:12 Adam He hears the wind. Yeah. All right.

36:16 Drew So what's the question?

36:16 Caller So go ahead.

36:18 Rise Against I just want to know like, what, like, I don't know how to put this like, I don't know if I'd be pregnant or not, because I don't get my period every month, and like I've already gone through like the symptoms, and I went to go check, and like they said I wasn't, so I'm not really sure.

36:35 Drew A couple of questions. Why don't you use birth control?

36:38 Rise Against The birth control, I have problems with them, like the patch made my eyes like all black, and I was hyperventilating and stuff.

36:46 Drew Okay, but you've got to have to use condoms. What do you do to protect yourself?

36:49 Rise Against Yeah, we use condoms sometimes.

36:51 Drew Sometimes. Sometimes? The rest of the time you just get pregnant. And then, yeah, you can't tell when you're pregnant when you don't have regular periods. You have to keep getting tested or use fastidious and meticulous birth control. Are you heavy?

37:06 Caller Uh-huh.

37:08 Drew How much do you weigh?

37:09 Rise Against Oh, I weigh 150.

37:11 Drew No. Okay. Sometimes that can give you irregular periods. Do you have polycystic ovaries?

37:16 Rise Against No, I don't think so.

37:17 Drew Okay.

37:18 Adam How tall are you?

37:19 Five, six.

37:21 Adam And so you have a boyfriend? How old is he?

37:26 Caller 18.

37:28 All right.

37:28 Adam Is he a good guy?

37:30 Caller Yeah.

37:31 Okay.

37:31 Drew Use better birth control so you don't have to be so anxious about being pregnant, okay?

37:35 Rise Against Okay.

37:36 Caller All right.

37:36 Adam All right, baby doll.

37:38 Caller Take care.

37:39 Rise Against Thank you.

37:40 Adam All right. Yeah, we were hearing something in her voice. I think it was that mom died.

37:45 Drew I would have picked 11, yeah. 11 is what you sounded like.

37:48 Adam Well, you know, we're not psychics. We're actually better in psychics because those guys are phony. It's a bunch of gay guys who mislead straight women out of their money. That's basically what's... Why are they all gay, Drew? Do you have to have something in your ass in order to tap and other people's psyche?

38:05 Drew Rasputin wasn't gay. That was his whole thing.

38:08 Adam Really?

38:08 Drew That's all he did.

38:09 Adam All he did was nail chicks.

38:10 Drew Yes.

38:11 Adam I would argue that was compensation.

38:13 Drew Oh, it could be.

38:14 Adam For feelings. He had homosexual feelings, so he just decided he had to hump every chick he saw.

38:18 Drew Rasputin, Mesmer, the same thing.

38:21 Adam Mesmer? Is that Mesmer, Nail a lot of chicks?

38:24 Drew Mesmerize. He would mesmerize them and then...

38:26 Adam Here's the thing. Your first order of business, if you have any kind of psychic power at all, is to nail chicks in the second to get money. You know what I mean? As a guy...

38:36 Drew No, wait. That's guy's motivation under all circumstances. So why not here, too?

38:40 Adam Use your powers. You say to a guy, hey, if you could turn invisible, what would you do? It's going to the locker room, right?

38:48 Drew Women's locker room.

38:49 Adam Women's locker room, right.

38:50 Drew And next?

38:52 Adam But I'm just saying, if you said to a chick, you can be invisible, what are you going to do? She's like, you should probably watch TV. They don't have, they're not ambitious that way.

39:01 Drew No, think about it, guys, first thing would go in the women's locker room.

39:04 Adam Go in the women's locker room.

39:04 Drew Number two?

39:05 Adam Women's locker room.

39:06 Drew Three?

39:06 Adam Women's locker room. Women's locker room is the top 19.

39:09 Drew And 20?

39:10 Adam 20 invisible. Is there another place chicks get naked besides the locker room? Yeah.

39:18 Drew Then the bank.

39:18 Adam Oh, yeah. That's steal money. That's right. All right. I'm sorry. Yeah. Number one, through 19, women's locker room. And number 20 is go to the bank and look for nude chicks.

39:30 Drew That's what I mean.

39:31 Adam Yeah. Eventually, you're going to need money.

39:34 Drew When you have free reign on your priorities, it's very difficult.

39:36 Adam Yeah. It'd be great. Chicks would be like the women's locker room and just say, look at that box of triscuits just floating in the air, one being pulled out every so often. It crumbs falling to the ground.

39:50 Drew Turning into a bowl.

39:51 Caller Turning into a bowl.

39:54 Adam Turning into an orb that just needs to be floating in space. Wait a minute. I swear I heard a beer crack.

40:03 Drew All right.

40:04 Adam I don't even think women do. I don't think they have that.

40:07 Drew No.

40:07 Adam If you could.

40:07 Drew They don't have that looking gene. They don't have that.

40:10 Adam Yeah, they don't. And that's why I never trust the gay guys. By the way, when they do that, they go like, hey, man, must be great. You're gay, you get to go to a locker room and check out dudes. Oh, please don't flatter yourselves. Like, come on, dude. And they're like, no, we don't do that. We always do it because they know they'll freak us out. But you're not turned on by the male form. What about the 70 metric tons of porn you have in your apartment? How about that? New dudes, yeah? No? Why are you spending so much time at the gym, by the way? I mean, it's nonstop gym action if you're gay. Imagine the incentive, by the way.

40:50 Drew You get the gym and the workout.

40:52 Adam Yeah. I mean, there's all- Everyone feels like- First off, no gay guy is a home gym. No new dudes. I think they all get the membership to the gym. But think about this, like, think about, like, this is like, I should go to the gym, I should work out. She's so tired out. You get to look at new chicks.

41:13 Drew No. You can walk around the locker room with the women.

41:16 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

41:17 Drew There you go.

41:18 Adam You'd be in, right?

41:18 Drew Join up.

41:20 Adam You'd be there every day, right? Wouldn't you? True. How many times a day?

41:27 Drew I do split workouts.

41:28 Adam Yeah. All right. Yeah. 10 to noon I work. I work cardio. Two to four I work lower body. And then midnight to 2 a.m. That's when I work back and delts.

41:45 Drew They'd have to put a drinking fountain in the locker room.

41:47 Adam Yeah. You just be in there.

41:49 Drew In and out.

41:50 Caller Oh.

41:51 Adam Into the tubs, into the saunas.

41:53 Drew All right.

41:54 Caller All right.

41:54 Drew Let's take a break.

41:55 Adam It'd just be great if we were gay. That's all.

41:57 Caller Tomorrow morning so many listeners, they're going to re-evaluate their sexuality.

42:01 Drew It's our gay.

42:01 Caller You're right. There's a lot of incentives to be gay.

42:04 Adam Oh, better life.

42:05 Caller We'd torn a man with seven dudes in a van. Our life would be a lot easier.

42:08 Adam It'd be great. It'd be great. Yeah.

42:10 Drew Oh, my God. Imagine that. Imagine seven young males in a van. The stench and the fluids.

42:17 Caller We have a bed in the back too.

42:18 Drew They were gay. Humanity.

42:20 Caller I think he likes it actually. He likes it.

42:23 Adam If they were gay, the driver would hit like the wiper spray and semen would go all over the windshield. There would be that kind of debauchery going on in that van. You know what I'm saying? It'd be great to be gay. Let's focus on being gay. All right. Against in studio tonight. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

42:43 You were hamburger meat.

43:15 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Funimum, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Rise Against in studio tonight, Tim and Brandon in studio, Joe and Chris. Going to come in here and a couple of you will hear something else off of Siren's Song of the Counterculture. And back to the phones we go. Yes?

43:35 Caller Yes.

43:36 Adam Yes. Olivia?

43:37 Rise Against Yeah. Yes, I am.

43:40 Caller What's up?

43:42 Rise Against Well, when I was young, my dad used to beat my mom before they divorced when I was two. And he's also beat my brother.

43:48 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy. They beat your brother too?

43:52 Rise Against Yes.

43:53 Caller All right.

43:54 Rise Against He's not from this country and it's allowed over there. So he went with them.

43:59 Adam Oh, hold on.

44:00 Drew I got to guess. We cannot judge.

44:01 Adam We can't judge. I got to-

44:03 Drew Must be Norway. Yes, yes, Norway. I was thinking that.

44:05 Adam Norway. Yeah, it's got to be Norway. It's got to be Norway. It's got to be Norway. Olivia, Norway. We're going Norway.

44:12 Rise Against No, it's Iran.

44:13 Adam Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

44:14 Caller No way.

44:16 Adam Well, whatever it is, we can't judge. I'm confused. Drew, I felt like you were close to judging.

44:19 Drew No, no. Of course not. We can't judge. I can't. It's impossible.

44:21 Adam Cultures are only different. None better, none worse.

44:24 Drew It's just different.

44:25 Adam Some kill people with rocks, others shoot their wives for adultery. No judging.

44:31 Drew No judging.

44:31 Adam Everything's the same.

44:32 Drew Some seal a vagina closed.

44:33 Adam Hey, we're just as bad as they are. Worse.

44:35 Drew Worse.

44:35 Adam You're right.

44:35 Drew Have you learned that?

44:36 Adam Right, right. Because they don't judge. I mean, we don't. We shouldn't judge. Go ahead, Olivia.

44:41 Rise Against Anyway, recently, for the past week, I have thought about him sexually. And it's only when I get high. And when I'm not high, I think it's gross. And I don't know what to do about it.

44:52 Drew High on pot?

44:53 Adam Are you talking about your dad?

44:56 Rise Against Yeah, on pot.

44:57 Drew And who are we talking about here? You get sexual thoughts about... On pot?

44:59 Adam On pop?

45:00 Caller Yes.

45:02 Drew You want to hop on pot when you're high on pot?

45:05 Adam Great book.

45:06 Rise Against I think she said her brother.

45:07 Drew Oh, your brother?

45:08 Adam Is it your brother or your dad that you think about?

45:10 Rise Against It's my dad. And it's very violent.

45:12 Drew You're a lesbian.

45:13 Adam All right. Wow.

45:15 Drew All right. Well, here's the deal. When you have been exposed to violence in childhood...

45:18 Adam She got a little high. I know sometimes I'll have a few Mickey's big mouths. I'll see my mom and I'll be like, eh, you know, for an older woman, just holding up, you know.

45:28 Drew And we never were that close.

45:30 Adam It's not, you know.

45:33 Rise Against Well, we're not that close either.

45:34 Drew I know.

45:35 Adam That's what I'm saying. It's not, you know, it's different if he took you to the game every weekend and put you on shoulders and everything. But if he's like, I haven't seen him that much.

45:44 Drew There's something about trauma in childhood that it wires in a source of attraction in young adulthood. And usually it plays out in such a way as to make you attracted to people who are capable of the kind of violence that your dad perpetrated. But obviously behind that is really kind of attraction, of course, to him. You're on drugs, sort of all bets are off. Well, all kinds of sort of wiring can re-expose itself.

46:06 Adam I've been effed up before many times, as you know, never enough to look at my dad that way.

46:11 Drew No, it's your mom. Off of the sex one.

46:13 Adam Oh, yeah.

46:14 Drew Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And so anyway.

46:16 Adam You want some too or there's enough to go around.

46:20 Rise Against I had another question as well. My boyfriend started watching porno at a very young age.

46:26 Drew How old?

46:27 Rise Against And he's continued to do it.

46:29 Adam Nine months.

46:29 Drew How old was he? How old was he?

46:32 Adam 22 weeks.

46:34 Rise Against No, he was about 13 or 14.

46:36 Drew And he continues until today?

46:38 Rise Against Yeah, he does. I told him, I think he should not allow.

46:40 Adam It should burn out in about 90 years. 90 to 110 years, she'll burn out.

46:45 Rise Against Well, he's 27.

46:48 Drew That's 74 years. 74 years.

46:50 Adam Yeah, about 74 years. I prorate.

46:54 Rise Against I told him to kind of chill out a little bit.

46:56 Drew No way.

46:57 Rise Against He oftentimes can't come during sex in me. He has to physically jack himself off.

47:02 Drew Yeesh. How often is he with his pornography?

47:06 Rise Against I'm sorry?

47:08 Adam How often does he see his pornography?

47:12 Rise Against Lately, I think it's only been once a week, but it used to be three or four times a week.

47:18 Drew Is his ability to have an orgasm improved?

47:21 Rise Against Not really.

47:22 Adam How do you know it's once a week?

47:24 Rise Against Because I ask him.

47:27 Adam Go ahead and put a couple of zeros behind that one. Well, look, I think you need to talk to him about intimacy.

47:36 Drew Does he wear a condom?

47:38 Rise Against Yeah, I was on birth control and I'm not now, but yeah, he does.

47:41 Drew So he has to take the condom off?

47:42 Rise Against Lately we haven't been doing it because his mom just died and he's really messed up in his head, but that's how it's been for a while. We've been together for a year.

47:49 Drew But he managed to see Jack off still, of course. The condom, does he have to take it off and then work on himself?

47:56 Rise Against Yeah, we'll have sex with the condom on and then when he comes to the point where he just says I can't do it like this anymore, then he'll take it off and jack off.

48:04 Drew Okay, well, he may be about the condom.

48:05 Adam That may be more condom, yeah.

48:06 Drew Try different types of condoms.

48:08 Adam Okay. All right. Hey, do they have condoms? I was thinking with the different cultures and stuff, like one with like a turban at the end and one with like a-

48:16 Drew There's kosher condoms.

48:17 Adam Koofy at the end. Really? Sure. But I'm talking about hats like a fez at the end. That would be the reservoir, like a fez. Wherever country you're from, you would have the hat of your country at the end of your condom.

48:31 Drew That's a great idea.

48:32 Adam I think it's better.

48:33 Drew Great. Thank God there's no longer the first World War Kaiser helmets. I mean, what are you going to do?

48:40 Adam Some Prussian jumps on you and pokes a hole right through your back. Drew's right. Drew's right. You know what? It takes a very big man to admit when Drew's right. And I'm doing it right now.

48:52 Caller Drew is right.

48:53 Drew Thank God. So yeah.

48:55 Caller I would like to raise the Volos, the Vikings.

48:59 Drew No, no, no. No.

49:01 Adam No.

49:02 Drew See, that's the point. That's the way we've evolved beyond that now. Thank God.

49:05 Adam Yeah. Oh, Yamakas. That's an easy one. All right. Let me say this. I would like, has anyone done a study between cultures? And I know it's nearly impossible to judge, but cultures that beat the crap out of kids routinely and then violent cultures?

49:22 Drew Oh, yeah.

49:22 Adam I'm sure they've done that math. How about they go ahead and spread that around a little bit?

49:28 Drew I know.

49:28 Adam You know that word? You know, if you really think about it, we're trying to make the world a nice, it's a big playground. Everyone's in it now. It used to be all separated. Hey, they can't mess with us because there's an ocean between us and them, or to land expanse, or some mountains. But now, we're all in one big huge sandbox. It'd be nice to get people to lay off the kids a little bit, and then they'll be able to play nice with our kids.

49:55 Drew Guarantee. If you look at the terrorists and those guys, you can see a hellacious childhood. Really? Every single one.

50:00 Adam Well, but do not judge. Impossible to judge.

50:03 Drew I'm not judging. I'm just saying.

50:04 Adam All right. Tim and Brandon are going to rotate out of here, and Joe and Chris are going to rotate in here from Against. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. We did a little changing of the guard here for Against. Joe Principe is here. Uh-oh.

51:20 Caller Here we go, let's see if we can get mine right or not.

51:22 Adam Chris.

51:23 Caller Come on.

51:24 You can do it.

51:25 Caller Think of a car. Chasse.

51:26 Adam Chasse.

51:27 Caller There you go.

51:27 Adam Chasse.

51:28 Caller Not too bad.

51:28 Adam Yeah, I just wanna say, wow, there's some crazy last names in this band.

51:32 Caller What is up?

51:33 Adam Get Brandon Barnes back in here. And by the way, nobody goes by Sweet Pea or, you know, Master F or anything. You know what I mean? That you guys need some names.

51:42 Caller Oh, we all got nicknames actually.

51:43 Adam You're in a band. Yeah.

51:44 Oh, he's got a nickname.

51:47 Adam Yeah. I don't think cars have chassies anymore, by the way. Yeah. The chassis was the frame.

51:54 Drew That all sat on.

51:54 It's all duct tape now.

51:56 Adam It's all unibody. That's who I need to bring in, like Larry Unibody. Get him in here. All right, where were we? We're gonna play a song. We're gonna have a good old time. I can guarantee you that. Yeah. Let's break it down.

52:09 I'm psyched.

52:10 Caller Very excited.

52:11 Chris, are you psyched?

52:12 Caller I am very, very excited.

52:12 Adam You pumped, Chris?

52:13 Caller Hell yeah.

52:14 Adam This is gonna be great.

52:15 Drew What's Chris' nickname? Okay.

52:17 Skippy.

52:18 Drew Skippy.

52:19 Adam Skippy, really? Joe, you got a nickname?

52:22 Caller Not really.

52:23 Adam You know, here's the thing about a nickname. It's embarrassing to give yourself a nickname, but after you work it for a while and you meet new people, they won't know you gave it to yourself. Mine is Adam Huge Penis. It's a little bumpy at work, and sometimes around ladies and things like that, but it works. Drew, do you have anything? You don't have male friends.

52:47 Drew Right. So I don't get the nickname. Rhino Schlong, no.

52:50 Adam Yeah. Everybody, like all guys, if you take guys and they hang around each other long enough, they'll just nickname or they'll even do the last name. They'll just call it by the last name.

53:01 Drew Routine. And then D-bags, the other, just.

53:04 Adam Yeah. If you have a one syllable last name especially, you'll get the last name. All right, you ready?

53:11 Drew Yeah.

53:13 Adam Jessica?

53:14 Caller Yep.

53:15 Adam What's up? How old are you?

53:16 Caller I'm 14.

53:17 Adam All right. What's going on?

53:19 Caller First of all, I want to say, Drew, you're a passionate, passionate man. You've got passion seeping out of your pores.

53:25 Drew Thank you, Jessica, for noticing.

53:26 Caller 14.

53:27 Drew No problem. He does. What's up?

53:30 Caller Adam, sorry, you're a genius and Against. I heard one of your songs the other day. You're amazing.

53:35 Caller Well, thanks.

53:37 Drew Jessica, you shall go far.

53:38 Adam Yeah.

53:39 Caller Thank you.

53:40 Adam Let me just say this. I want to touch on that point Drew just brought up. Everyone's so scared about being called a kiss ass or brown noser. There's a reason you do it. It gets you places. Brown nosing, that's your ticket to the top. And look, it's not that, it's not, you know, people, people, they think they deduct points for a kiss ass. Oh, contrary. They like it. They don't know you're kissing ass. When you tell them their hair looks good or if you lost weight, they're narcissistic so they think you mean it. So go ahead and kiss a little ass. I mean, we like Jessica a lot better than we did before she started kissing ass. We love her. We love you. All right, we're all ears. Go ahead.

54:22 Caller Yeah, I'm 14 and I'm like, I'm really interested in guys who are older than me.

54:27 Adam And I don't know why.

54:29 Drew Well, 14-year-olds often are that way. Are you actually doing anything with that attraction?

54:34 Caller Well, I dated someone who was 21.

54:38 Drew You understand that he's in a hole. So the problem is not that you're attracted to him, but that he's, when you're 21, and think about one of your peers dating a 14-year-old, you will vomit. Not that someone should vomit because they're dating you, but because it's just completely out of line.

54:56 Adam Did you have sex with him?

54:57 Caller No, I'm still a virgin.

54:58 Drew Yeah.

54:59 Adam All right. What did you do with him? Did you do something with him?

55:02 Caller We made out, felt up, that's about it.

55:07 Adam Sort of weirder. You know, like we hear about these guys that like they're 21, they're dating a 14-year-old, and they didn't have sex, but they're sort of making out.

55:17 Drew I know Adam in any kind of intimate physical encounter, kissing is terribly disturbing to you.

55:24 Adam Come on, buddy.

55:25 Drew Sorry, sorry. So especially in this situation, we just, ugh.

55:28 Adam No, I just mean, it's, you know, I can put a label on it if you're having sex with a minor. The idea that you guys are just sort of, you're like making out with her, like you're 14 too, is somehow weirder. Yeah, it's pathetic.

55:44 Drew All right, Jessica, anything you want to tell us about your family of origin?

55:48 Caller No, we're like a perfect family.

55:51 Drew Do they know you're dating these guys?

55:52 Caller No. No.

55:53 Adam All right. Why did you break up with this guy?

55:56 Caller Because he was, sorry, I'm so sorry. He was having sex with a 28-year-old.

56:03 Drew How dare he?

56:04 Adam Yeah. All right. So he's a bad guy.

56:08 Caller Yeah.

56:08 Adam Yeah. That's what you find when you're 14 and you date him.

56:11 Drew The F-bomb at 14.

56:12 Adam Well, she stumbled over the F-bomb.

56:15 Drew But I'm saying that that was just like.

56:17 Adam It got dropped, but it didn't detonate.

56:19 Drew No, I know. But I mean, it just came out so naturally. It's just like, huh, 14. You describe what your boyfriend was doing as that.

56:26 Adam All right. Yeah, that's true because it's growing or whatever. Obviously, she's angry about it. So Jessica.

56:32 Caller Yeah.

56:33 Adam Why don't you focus on a nice, like, you know, 15 year old and hopefully find one who's angry and broodish and all that kind of stuff. And he seems older.

56:43 Caller Well, I did.

56:44 Rise Against I tried, but what happened?

56:46 Caller He had a girlfriend.

56:48 Adam He had a girlfriend.

56:49 Drew How about just cool it? Jessica, what's the hurry? You're cool out. Are you fighting with your mom or something?

56:53 Caller No.

56:55 Drew Just cool down, relax. You're 14, lots of time. Take it easy. Focus on your studies. Go away to college. Lots of guys.

57:00 Adam All right. What do you do when your daughter is just sort of hell bent on humiliating you by sewing her oats on the sofa with some old guy?

57:09 Drew Why do you think I put those wall chains up in the basement?

57:13 Adam That's for her.

57:14 Caller Of course.

57:16 Adam I thought that was for the boy.

57:17 Drew Well, then we leave with those good on. Those are temporary for the flogging.

57:20 Adam Yeah. What do you do? Like if you tell them, look, no having sex, that's just going to get them to do it. You show them weird propaganda films from the 50s. They're like, how do you slow them down? You know what I'm saying? It's got to be something. I'm not talking about talking to them. I'm talking about something in their food.

57:38 Drew Oh, no.

57:39 Adam It's got to be something you can put in their food.

57:40 Drew First, I have her evaluate it like something's wrong.

57:43 Adam If what?

57:44 Drew If somebody's functional behavior like that, I would like to show them before our family, like, hey, we got to get this checked out. Something's not right here.

57:49 Adam Right. All right.

57:50 Drew Whatever we got to do, whatever it depends what the problem is.

57:52 Adam All right.

57:53 Drew Try to fix it and then start creating police state.

58:00 Adam How does that work? Like an ankle arrest bracelet, bars on the windows, that kind of stuff?

58:05 Drew Sure.

58:06 Adam Yeah? What do you do? Maybe you realize you can't do anything. You put them on birth control.

58:12 Drew Sometimes you can't, you do that and you start taking stuff away from them.

58:16 Adam All right. What if there was a pill that would slow that down without them knowing it? Would you give it to your daughter?

58:21 Drew Of course.

58:22 Adam Okay. All right. That's what I like. He's a man. He has a lot of integrity about not having integrity. You know what I mean? A lot of people wouldn't have answered that honestly. Renee?

58:33 Rise Against Yes.

58:34 Adam You're 18?

58:35 Rise Against Absolutely.

58:36 Adam What's up?

58:38 Rise Against Well, for the past couple of weeks, my boyfriend and I have been having arguments or fights every day, and it's been putting a big strain on our relationship. And it's been about me getting really mad over little things that he says that I take offensively. And it's like, I know that there are some things that it's okay for me to get mad about, but how can I not get so mad?

59:08 Drew What did you have to tell us specifically what happened?

59:15 Rise Against Well, he likes to talk about how he doesn't like my religion, right? Because I'm Catholic and he's always talking about how the Catholics are dogmatic and hypocritical. And I try to let it go a lot of the time, but it still gets to me, you know?

59:31 Drew And you get very... What's he got?

59:33 Adam He got anything going?

59:35 Caller He's not Jewish.

59:36 Adam A Jewish guy would be so happy if he was getting laid by a nice goyim that he'd never open his tramp.

59:43 Drew And you get violently angry with him over this?

59:45 Rise Against No, not really violently. It's just to the point where I'll just get really irritated and just almost yell at him.

59:54 Drew Why doesn't he avoid that territory? It's sort of weird that he...

59:57 Adam Almost, you know, guys are stupid. What's his crappy religion? Does he have one or is he an atheist?

1:00:04 Caller He's kind of agnostic.

1:00:08 Rise Against He's claimed to be Protestant, but I've heard to explain to him that's not really... I think of it as, you know...

1:00:16 Adam All right. Well, look, maybe this is a fundamental difference that can't be overcome. Are you guys deeply in love or are you just sort of there because you're there?

1:00:26 Drew I understand. Your question is, is it okay for me to get mad at my boyfriend when he does awful things to me? Yes, it's fine. Get mad at him. That's all right.

1:00:33 Adam But young people argue a ton.

1:00:35 Drew Over all kinds of things.

1:00:36 Adam Over nothing.

1:00:37 Rise Against Yeah.

1:00:38 Drew They have lots of energy.

1:00:39 Caller Yeah.

1:00:41 Caller It's weird.

1:00:42 Rise Against It's like we're not...

1:00:43 Caller It fluctuates.

1:00:44 Rise Against It's like sometimes we're really deeply in love and we talk about running off somewhere. Or I'll talk about running off somewhere and he'll be all practical about it and say, Oh, we got to wait.

1:00:54 Caller We got to wait.

1:00:55 Rise Against And...

1:00:56 Drew How old is he?

1:00:57 Rise Against Huh?

1:00:57 Drew How old is he?

1:00:58 Rise Against Oh, he's 19.

1:01:00 Adam All right. I'm labeling this a non-question. We've got junkies who are on fire.

1:01:06 Caller That's right.

1:01:07 Adam This says junkie on fire. He's been on a hole for 86 minutes, this poor guy. So he's probably out by now. Unless he really layered his clothing. But you know what I'm saying? Like, you argue. I don't know why everyone argues so much when they're 18 or 19. You just have more...

1:01:25 Drew More aggression.

1:01:26 Adam Well, yeah, but you also... I feel like when you're younger, you have a fresh charge on your batteries, number one. And then you're not so mired in work and family and children and, you know, mortgage payments and stuff like that.

1:01:42 Drew There's nothing else to just attract your attention. So you keep obsessing and focusing on it.

1:01:46 Adam So here you are, you have a full battery and nothing really to use it on.

1:01:52 Drew And a high level of antigens, a lot of stuff that causes aggression floating around your blood.

1:01:58 Adam Yeah.

1:01:58 Drew Both men and women.

1:01:59 Adam Right. So that makes it volatile. You get a little older. You get to the point where we're at, where you're just waiting to die.

1:02:06 Caller Yeah. You can't wait.

1:02:08 Adam That's going to be huge.

1:02:10 Caller It's going to be great.

1:02:12 Adam Mason? Mason?

1:02:15 Caller There he is.

1:02:16 Adam You're 16?

1:02:17 Caller Yeah.

1:02:19 Adam Mason's one of those names where you name your son Mason, you're rolling the dice.

1:02:24 Drew Yeah.

1:02:24 Adam You really, that's a ballsy roll there. It could go great, but it could go terribly bad too.

1:02:31 Drew Yeah.

1:02:32 Adam It's a good chance it's going south.

1:02:33 Drew What's the, when it goes great, what's the scientist?

1:02:36 Adam Mason.

1:02:37 Drew I don't know, maybe a great orator or something.

1:02:39 Adam Yes, great orator.

1:02:41 Drew Yeah. Just like Perry Mason.

1:02:44 Adam No, I think that's his last name.

1:02:46 Drew I know, but still it makes you think of that.

1:02:47 Adam Why don't you think of Mason Jar, it's right in the beginning. No, I don't know. Mason is just, you can go south on him.

1:02:54 Drew It also sounds like a snowboarding pothead also.

1:02:57 Adam Yeah, it's a ballsy role Mason is.

1:03:00 Caller Oh, actually, no. I'm sorry, my name is Nathan, N-A-T-H-A-N.

1:03:04 Drew Oh, that makes it all different.

1:03:06 Adam Oh, all right. Thank God I did 20 minutes on the Mason. Let me tell you about Nathan.

1:03:12 Drew All right.

1:03:14 Adam Go ahead, Nathan.

1:03:15 Caller Okay. Well, I have a question for Drew.

1:03:17 Adam Just so everyone knows we're not saying that, it says Mason on the screen. Go ahead.

1:03:22 Caller Well, I mean, recently I've gotten really interested in the science of addiction. And since my dad's a doctor, I've been talking to him. I go to medical school. And I was looking at pre-med, and I was wondering, I mean, would you suggest any certain majors while you're doing your pre-med to get you ready for that?

1:03:39 Drew Yes, I would avoid the sciences. Unless you're gonna go to a science program like Caltech or MIT where the sciences are so spectacular.

1:03:49 Adam Why would you avoid the sciences?

1:03:51 Drew Because it's your last chance to get a liberal education, and you should take philosophy and political science and history and really round out your education. You'll just repeat all the sciences. You'll get tons of sciences in the pre-med program anyway, and you're gonna repeat half of it in medical school as well.

1:04:04 Adam There's nothing you can get out of the way, check off the list?

1:04:07 Drew No, they require a bunch of stuff.

1:04:09 Adam Well, how about this strategy of getting good at something or knowing something before you go in to learn it to give you that edge? That was my thing.

1:04:18 Drew No, you mean first doing training in something else?

1:04:20 Adam When I was cleaning carpets at 19, that was my thing. I would get there, I would grab some of the wands in the back of the van, get the feel for them early. Then when we actually got to the Colony Kitchen or the Tony Romas to do the carpet, I would be the lead wand man. That's me, the extra preparation.

1:04:39 Drew That's philosophy for life, of course.

1:04:41 Adam Yeah, that was me.

1:04:42 Drew Lead wand.

1:04:43 Adam Lead wand, and then ironically, wand would be on second wand. Yeah, yeah. But what about learning something? What if you had trouble? What if you weren't good in statistics or something like that? Should you take it? You prepare yourself for these classes that are coming up.

1:05:00 Drew Yeah, but you got to get a good grade. You can't really see any bad grades. Oh, I see. All right. Then the real question is, what do you do for your specialty training if you want to go to addiction? Do you do psychiatry or medicine? That's a tougher question. You'll have to see depending on what you like when you get into training.

1:05:17 Adam All right there, Mason. I mean, Nathan. It's hard not to call him what his name is on the screen.

1:05:23 Drew And the other thing, Nathan, is just you've got to go to the best college possible.

1:05:26 Adam All right. Don't let your dad freak you out.

1:05:29 Drew Because that determines what medical school and whether you go to medical school.

1:05:34 Adam What are you looking at, buddy? What college is you looking at?

1:05:38 Caller Either A&M or OSU right now.

1:05:40 Drew OOC?

1:05:41 Adam OSU. Yeah.

1:05:43 That's what he said.

1:05:44 Adam Yeah. Oklahoma State, I think.

1:05:47 Drew You've got to look at schools that people put on their academic CVs.

1:05:51 Adam Try to find schools where at the beginning of a football game, a longhorned cow doesn't go running out on the field. Right. I mean, yeah.

1:06:01 Drew A guy in a gladiator outfit, that's more what you're looking for.

1:06:04 Adam Yeah. You're looking for a guy in a powdered wig with a gavel. You want a couple of guys wrangling at a longhorned steer.

1:06:12 Drew How about a tree?

1:06:13 Adam Tree would be nice. You mean like Stanford? Listen, I got to straighten that Stanford out because they were called Stanford Cardinal, but Cardinal the Color, I think was their name.

1:06:26 Drew Correct.

1:06:27 Adam Not Cardinal the Bird, not Cardinal over there at the Vatican, just Cardinal the Color. Because it's hard to represent a color in the form of a mascot, unless it's offensive, unless it's offensive. You go with the tree. By the way, difficult to get around in a tree outfit, by the way.

1:06:46 Drew Have you seen that tree run around?

1:06:47 Adam I have seen the tree run around.

1:06:49 Caller It's pathetic.

1:06:51 Adam Yeah. If you're high, it'll freak you out because it'll stand still for a while. I see it start doing jumping jacks after they score a touchdown. It's pretty freaky if you smoke out Saturday morning like I do. I'm just saying, think long and hard before you go the mascot route, and if you're just a color, then you have no mascot or you know what it is? Whatever Crayola is closest to your school colors out there in that field. You do a crossover deal with the Crayola people.

1:07:19 Drew So a big crowd come out.

1:07:20 Adam Yeah. Yeah. They pay you. We got a question for the band. Adam? Hey. You're 19?

1:07:28 Caller 18.

1:07:29 Adam You're 18.

1:07:31 Caller Yeah. I have a question for Against actually.

1:07:33 Adam Here they are.

1:07:35 Caller All right. Yeah. I've been a big fan of you guys for like years. First show I ever went to was you guys, you rock. And I was wondering.

1:07:41 Adam He's going way back to 2003, by the way.

1:07:45 Caller Years. So I was wondering, do you guys like see a big difference between like, you know, nowadays with the kids that, you know, they know like your old CDs, like, you know, the unraveling and revolutions per minute, as opposed to the kids who have just started listening to you now?

1:08:05 Caller Well, I think the audience that's listening to the most current record is a lot broader. You know, I think the core fans always have the unraveling. So you kind of know the kids that have always been with you the whole time. But that audience is kind of, like I said, I don't know, a little narrow. The unraveling isn't really the most popular record.

1:08:28 Caller Yeah, you get about ten kids in the crowd that are saying, play the unraveling, please, please. And then everybody else is saying tracks off a new record left and right.

1:08:37 Adam Yeah, but this doesn't come up very much anymore, that whole sellout thing and then the original, then we were here first kind of thing. You know what I mean? Especially when you're young, you feel like, I was into the band, you know, six years ago, and now everyone else is into the band, and they need to realize I was here first. Right.

1:08:55 Drew And now that everyone else is into it, it's been tainted. Yeah.

1:08:59 Adam Well, if I'm not being recognized for being here first.

1:09:01 Drew Right. Right. Right.

1:09:02 Adam I'm hardcore. It's like, you know, me when I, you know, how I discovered Denise Richards in Starship Troopers.

1:09:08 Drew Yes.

1:09:09 Adam Yeah, I.

1:09:10 Drew No, I know. I know you should have your way with her because of that.

1:09:13 Adam Well, I'm not saying she has to have sex with me, but I'm saying I was on to her early.

1:09:17 Drew You mentioned the BJ though.

1:09:18 Adam No, I said she was hot, and that was like 98, 97.

1:09:23 Drew I remember that.

1:09:24 Adam And everyone's like, who? And I was like, dude, take my word. And they're like, I don't know what you're talking about. And now, they're all like, hey, she's hot. And I'm like, hello.

1:09:34 Caller Well, who actually saw that movie though? That's a thing. Well, I did. I did too.

1:09:39 Adam All right. And did you make that proclamation about Denise Richards?

1:09:42 Caller I was about 17 at the time, but I was pretty psyched about it. Yeah.

1:09:45 Adam Yeah, you thought she was hot, but I thought she was hotter.

1:09:48 Drew Yeah.

1:09:48 Adam And that's why I'm sort of in front of you. Yeah, I'm just...

1:09:51 Drew You did come back and talk about what a horrible movie, but there's this chick in it. You made a big, you made a proclamation.

1:09:58 Adam That's what I'm saying.

1:09:59 Drew You put a flag in the ground right then.

1:10:02 Adam That's right.

1:10:02 Drew I remember that.

1:10:03 Adam And now like Charlie Sheen is slobbering all over what rightfully is mine.

1:10:10 Drew It's tainted, I told you.

1:10:11 Adam It's you know what I'm saying? In the olden days, if you saw a movie with a hot chick on it, if this is like you go back to like 1700s, I mean we would have been dueling me and Charlie Sheen right now, because I would consider this a slap in the face.

1:10:29 Caller You need to arm wrestle or something like that.

1:10:32 Adam Something needs to be done. Yeah. And you'll back me up.

1:10:35 Drew Absolutely. I'll be your second. Right.

1:10:37 Adam All right. No, I just mean I need you to testify when I'm explaining to everyone how hot I thought she was when I saw the movie.

1:10:44 Drew You put your flag in the ground. Right.

1:10:45 Adam Right. OK. There you go. All right.

1:10:48 Drew John.

1:10:48 Adam John.

1:10:49 Drew Yep. Hi.

1:10:50 Adam 27.

1:10:51 Caller That's right.

1:10:52 Caller Yeah.

1:10:54 Drew What's going on?

1:10:55 Caller I'm dating this girl that I had actually dated when I was in high school and we saw each other off in Andrean College. And I just sort of got back with her about five months ago. And it's like accelerated because we've had a history. So it's getting pretty serious. But she had been considerably more promiscuous than I had been when we were younger. And it's just starting to become sort of an issue. Just like mainly with me. And I'm trying to see if I can get myself over it.

1:11:24 Drew What is it you have to get over?

1:11:25 Adam Well, you know.

1:11:27 Caller Well, it's just not like, you know, like I'm sure Adam will agree with me. It's not that cool when you find out, you know, how many people your girl has been with essentially.

1:11:33 Drew How did you find that out exactly?

1:11:35 Caller Oh, we've talked about it.

1:11:36 Adam You did well prying.

1:11:37 Drew Why did you, why did you pry?

1:11:39 Adam How many guys do this?

1:11:40 Caller Well, actually, no, I had, I had always said, you know, I was the don't ask, don't tell. I was like, look, I, you know, I don't really, I'm not that interested. But she had, she had brought it up with me and she had just started out with me.

1:11:52 Drew Well, she blurted it out. It's just, it's a sabotage thing.

1:11:54 Caller It's true. Well, it's sort of cryptic. You know, she starts talking about it and then I was like, oh, if you want to be on that road, let's do it.

1:11:59 Drew How many? What's the number?

1:12:01 Caller She said she's been with between 50 and 100 guys, but she's probably closer to 50. She did a lot of coke when she was in college.

1:12:09 Adam All right. So she did a lot of blow. Here's the point. Drew did a hell of a lot of blow in college too. He didn't rack up those kind of numbers.

1:12:20 Drew Not quite.

1:12:21 Adam Not until he got the high-grade stuff in medical college, he really start racking those kind of numbers.

1:12:25 Drew I just switched over.

1:12:27 Adam Oh, but you switched to the pharmaceutical-grade coke, right? Anyway, I thought that's what I said.

1:12:34 Drew Well, I should have switched over from cocaine to sex.

1:12:39 Adam Oh, I see.

1:12:41 Drew All right.

1:12:41 Adam So John, okay, we have a couple of thoughts on this. Sure. When I say we, I mean only me. Now, why do we do this? Why do guys get upset about it? Well, some of it is pride and the reasons we get upset about it, but then like everything in nature, there's sort of reasons like in the past, well, she may have a disease.

1:13:04 Drew Right. You need to know it to assess your risk and assess the capability of having a stable relationship. He has found something out here that he's completely ignoring, by the way.

1:13:14 Adam The Coke part?

1:13:15 Drew She's a drug addict.

1:13:16 Caller Well, that's no big deal there.

1:13:17 Adam She's a little blowing.

1:13:20 Drew What he's describing is somebody with drug addiction that may be in remission right now, but it's going to be an issue.

1:13:26 Adam Well, also, John sounds like a pretty straight arrow, and her saying, I did the Coke, was a kind of a way to soften the impact of the record numbers of guys she slept with.

1:13:39 Drew But the point is, whatever it is, it's saying something about her, and it's saying, there's something going on. Something going on there. It's not that she had a lot of partners, it's that she was acting out and was doing drugs.

1:13:50 Adam That's the point. Most things that we think are just sort of social taboos or something.

1:13:57 Drew Have a biological basis to them, almost all.

1:14:00 Adam Almost all of them, if you scratch beneath them, you can find a reason why nature didn't want you to marry the person that was with 500 people. They're probably packing something. Or why should they stop with you?

1:14:14 Drew Right. And by the way, her blurting it out was more of the chaos.

1:14:19 Adam Yeah, it seems like an attempt at sabotage.

1:14:22 Drew What does she do for a living?

1:14:25 Adam John?

1:14:26 Drew Yeah.

1:14:26 Adam All right.

1:14:27 Drew So what does she do for a living?

1:14:29 Caller Well, she's going back to school now, actually.

1:14:31 Drew Yeah. What does she do for a living?

1:14:33 Caller She must get more blow.

1:14:35 Caller She was a research scientist. She's going to be a nurse now.

1:14:38 Adam Drew, did I say nurse?

1:14:39 Drew Yes.

1:14:39 Adam You see the word? I wrote the word nurse down. Yes. Thank you.

1:14:44 Drew Yeah.

1:14:44 Caller Well, I mean, and she has had family problems. I mean, I've known her for a long time and her family was kind of screwed up and just like super religious and that was totally enacting out. She knows that and she would tell me all that, that she was screwed up as a kid and she acted out.

1:14:57 Adam All right.

1:14:57 Drew Well, John, you're not just screwed up as a kid and then get over it.

1:15:02 Caller Yeah.

1:15:02 Drew I've been trying to get her to go to therapy. Yeah. I need a little treatment. All right.

1:15:06 Caller All right.

1:15:06 Adam So John, here's the thing. Don't get engaged yet.

1:15:11 Caller Yeah.

1:15:12 Adam Slow it down a little. Don't let it eat away at you like, oh, she's been with twice as many guys or girls or whatever. Forget about that part. Look at it from a pure health standpoint. Not physical health, but emotional health. Emotional health.

1:15:24 Drew Right. Right.

1:15:25 Adam Do you want to engage in a long-term relationship with someone who's had some drug problems, who comes from some chaos, who's done a fair amount of acting out? Let's wait till her snow globe settles completely, and you know where she's at before you guys start crapping out kids.

1:15:39 Drew And the sexual history is about compulsive acting out. It's not about somebody who's horny and going to somehow stray or can't be trusted. This is a syndrome she was in, and that's the question.

1:15:54 Adam She's going back to college. Yeah, man, I smelled nurse all over her. Something's up. All right.

1:16:01 Drew I got that away from him.

1:16:03 Adam Yeah, he's got stuff going on too. Just take it nice and slow.

1:16:08 Drew It's all right.

1:16:09 Adam But here's the other thing too. We got to take a break. But when you come from this kind of chaos, let's face it, you're damaged goods. Let's face it. You're screwed.

1:16:19 Drew You're just dead. Dead in the water. No relationship for you, no life, no meaningful existence. Just to pack it in.

1:16:27 Adam No, no. Here's what you can do. When you come from a lot of chaos, as a guy, you can overcompensate and still become successful and do things and all kinds of stuff. You'll always be living in your private, tormented hell, but you can be rich and people can think you're happy. Women can be successful too. But in relationships, it's tough for both of them, unless they've really done the work and even if they've done the work, they may not be settled until their late 30s, early 40s.

1:16:54 Drew Go read Bill Clinton's biography.

1:16:56 Adam Oh, really?

1:16:56 Drew This is that story.

1:16:57 Adam All right. Who is he? He's the Godfather of funk, right? Who is that dude? All right. Is he saying he discovered Denise Richards because he didn't?

1:17:08 Drew I bet he's trying.

1:17:09 Adam I swear to God, I don't know who this dude is, but I'll kick his ass. It sure as I'll kick Sheen's ass. I discovered her. All right. Let's take ourselves a little break. Against in studio tonight. We'll be right back after this.

1:17:21 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Loveline will be right back.

1:18:00 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Joe, and Chris in the studio tonight. Who's in tomorrow? Unwritten Law tomorrow night, everyone. Against in studio tonight. We will hear a little something else off of Siren's Song of the Counterculture. Take one call, hear a song. Yes?

1:18:19 Drew Two Quickies.

1:18:20 Adam Two Quickies?

1:18:20 Caller Yeah.

1:18:21 Caller Here we go.

1:18:23 Drew Burn them.

1:18:24 Adam Demetria?

1:18:26 Caller Yes.

1:18:26 Adam What's up? You're 22.

1:18:30 Caller I was trying a different method of protection against sex, and I tried something called VCF.

1:18:36 Drew Protection against sex is like a pepper spray or something?

1:18:41 Caller I like the opposite. Yeah, you know. Peppa Mace. No. Instead of condoms, and it's called VCF, and it's a film. You place inside the female, and it's supposed to have a spermicide in it.

1:18:54 Drew Yeah, spermicides really don't work, okay?

1:18:57 Adam Oh, really?

1:18:59 Drew Not to any degree of reliability.

1:19:01 Adam Is it a film like one of those breath mints that dissolves on your tongue kind of films?

1:19:07 Caller Yeah, it's a film like that.

1:19:09 Adam Is it shaped like a fish? Does it move?

1:19:12 Caller Yeah, different color. No, it's a square of two by two film, and you fold it and you stick it as close to the cervix as you can.

1:19:19 Adam It's like rolling a cigarette in your vagina. It's a chow chow. Hold on a second. I know we're trying to make it rain, but what is it? You know the guys who roll a doobie, and it's like they'll be rolling that doobie. You roll that doobie brata, and the guy will be like rolling the doobie, and then he'll do this one, the tongue along the, you just stick in the tongue and drag it along the top part. Then he does the other move where he actually takes the entire doobie, puts it in his mouth and sucks it off, like, all right, do you want to spark it up? He's like, yeah, I'm going to have to hit that with a hair dryer and a moist towelette, and I'm going to have to run that through the centrifuge over here. Like this is it, right in front. Why don't you shove it up your nose, by the way? Wouldn't that do it? Or wherever. Yeah, in the ass. Like you have to, the whole thing, you actually put it all inside. I got to smoke your bad breath. No, use a sponge, come on. I know it's not cool. I know it's not street, but you already got done licking the entire thing. Now you go, you're going to do that move? Drew, invent something where the guy doesn't have to put the old doobie in his mouth.

1:20:26 Drew Spray bottle.

1:20:26 Adam Something, yeah.

1:20:28 Drew What were we talking about?

1:20:30 Adam What was her problem?

1:20:30 Drew Her spermicide. Demetria. Yeah. Condoms.

1:20:35 Caller Yes.

1:20:37 Drew If you don't use condoms, you've got to use the pill or something like that, some kind of hormonal.

1:20:42 Caller Well, we had sex on it and now it's, my boyfriend, he's burning really bad.

1:20:47 Drew How long ago was the sex?

1:20:49 Caller We just finished 20 minutes ago.

1:20:51 Drew I would take the morning after pill if I were you. For sure.

1:20:55 Adam Well, now the question is about the boyfriend.

1:20:57 Drew He's got burning? Yeah.

1:20:59 Caller It hurts really bad and he can't even touch it. It's just shooting pain.

1:21:04 Drew The skin hurts bad or it hurts where he pees?

1:21:08 Caller Yeah. Does it hurt? Exactly. He's in the room with me. Okay. Where does it? It's in the head. It feels like there's something in him.

1:21:17 Drew Right. It's the urethra is irritated. You can get urethritis from this stuff. When he wait till he pees, he's going to enjoy that.

1:21:23 Adam Yeah. But it might not be from this stuff. Probably just be the world class banging he gave you minus the condom.

1:21:28 Drew Could be that. Could be an STD. Maybe he had a little vaginal infection or something he's picked up. But he probably is going to need to see somebody tomorrow. He keeps having lots of fluids tonight. And if he's still burning with peeing tonight.

1:21:39 Adam Why lots of fluids? To flush?

1:21:40 Drew Flush it out.

1:21:41 Adam Just keep the urine going?

1:21:42 Drew Which is miserable. When you really get that urethritis going, it feels like you're peeing fire.

1:21:47 Adam Is a lot of fluid going through the urethra going to flush it out or help it?

1:21:52 Drew Perhaps help it.

1:21:53 Adam Really?

1:21:53 Drew Perhaps.

1:21:54 Adam And when you say fluid, just water?

1:21:55 Drew Well, if it's a chemical reaction just from the spermicide, then yeah, the fluid, the water.

1:22:01 Caller Okay.

1:22:02 Drew And you want water because you want stuff that's going to go through. You don't want stuff that's going to accumulate like gatorade. You want water.

1:22:07 Adam Gatorade will hang out? And what about like soda, coffee or something?

1:22:12 Drew Coffee is good because it's a diuretic. But coffee will irritate the urethra though, so you don't want to do that. It's water.

1:22:18 Caller Water, water, water.

1:22:19 Drew Good questions.

1:22:20 Adam Yeah. Benjamin?

1:22:22 Caller Yes.

1:22:23 Adam You're 18?

1:22:24 Caller Yes.

1:22:24 Adam What's up?

1:22:25 Drew You don't drink beer either. Beer is bad for the urethra.

1:22:27 Adam Too late. Go ahead, Benjamin.

1:22:29 Caller Okay. We're both 18, and we were discussing the other night whether we should have sex or whether we should wait until we're older to have sex, and I was just wondering, does it depend on the male or does it depend on the age of the female, whether she has an orgasm or not? Because I know I'm going to have an orgasm when we have a sex.

1:22:58 Drew You can count on that.

1:22:59 Caller Yeah, I can count on that, but I want to know if she will.

1:23:03 Drew Well, does she masturbate?

1:23:05 Caller No.

1:23:07 Drew Has she ever had an orgasm?

1:23:09 Caller I don't know.

1:23:10 Drew All right. She's probably not going to have one, and she's certainly not going to have one with the intercourse. That's unusual for that to happen, especially at 18, especially first time.

1:23:18 Adam Going with the low expectations, and then if you get anything, it'll be a mitzvah, as the first people call it. Benjamin, you're calling from Linwood, you're Jewish, right? No.

1:23:33 Caller Huh.

1:23:33 Drew Benjamin.

1:23:34 Adam Man. Dude, I'm black. Oh, you're black.

1:23:37 Caller Yeah.

1:23:38 Adam Wow.

1:23:39 Drew Jewish.

1:23:40 Adam Yeah. Oh, you're black guy, a virgin at 18?

1:23:44 Caller Yeah.

1:23:45 Adam What's up? Come on.

1:23:47 Caller I have morals.

1:23:48 Adam Yeah. That's what I like.

1:23:50 Drew Way to go, Benjamin. All right. How long have you been with your girlfriend?

1:23:53 Caller Huh?

1:23:54 Drew How long have you been with your girlfriend?

1:23:57 Caller Like three years now.

1:24:00 Drew Awesome. Good job.

1:24:01 Adam Is it your morals or does she have morals?

1:24:04 Caller I have morals. She tells me about her, so yeah, she does.

1:24:08 Adam All right. So you guys get right in half sec. So look, here's the thing. Let me give you some tips. It's usually the brothers that give the Ace man the tips, but in this case, we're going to turn the tables. Lots of oral sex.

1:24:23 Drew When the time comes.

1:24:24 Adam Yeah. When the time comes.

1:24:26 Drew That you do to her, not she to you.

1:24:28 Caller Yeah.

1:24:29 Adam Oh, wait a minute. Oh my God. Oh, it's my face red. Yeah. All right. So, give her lots of nice oral sex, and then nice and slow. Here's the whole thing. She ain't you.

1:24:43 Drew Slow and easy.

1:24:44 Adam Here's the thing. You think, well, I'll just do to them what would feel best to me. I will do them like I wish they would do me. That's not the way it works.

1:24:54 Drew No.

1:24:55 Adam I haven't given the speech in a while, Drew. Can't and dog.

1:24:58 Drew Oh, it's a good one.

1:24:59 Adam Can and a dog.

1:25:00 Drew Yes, the difference between a male and a female.

1:25:02 Adam That's the difference between a cat and a dog. If you think about how you treat a dog when you're giving a dog a little love, roll it over, grab it, pull its ears. I take my dog's just tick those ears, yank them as hard as I can.

1:25:13 Drew Tail's going crazy.

1:25:15 Adam Put it over the dog's eyes, start smacking them in the belly, a lot of smacking around, grabbing the paws and running in the air and all that stuff. Beat the crap out of my dog.

1:25:25 Drew Tail's just going crazy.

1:25:26 Adam Tail's smacking around, knocking books off and stuff. Not my wife's books, I don't know the books. But the point is, I'm working that dog. You know what it is? It's like steer roping. I come in the house and get the dog in a headlock, I roll it down, I tie it up and I do the time thing. My wife's got the stopwatch. But the cat. New record, Monday night, by the way. Yeah. The cat, what do you do? You can't go bounding after that cat. You sit down, you put the hand out, let the cat come to you, let it get a little curious. Don't go running after it. You'll freak it out. Sit down. Let the cat come to you. Then when the cat comes to you, the cat will kind of let you know what it likes.

1:26:03 Drew Where it wants the pressure.

1:26:04 Adam Yeah. Just take the little rhythmic, rhythmic light, rhythmic move. Don't shift gears all over the place. Cat needs consistency.

1:26:11 Drew See where the cat pushes up.

1:26:12 Adam Cat will push up a little when it finds something it likes. Your job is to sort of do as little movement as possible, but apply the pressure.

1:26:20 Drew And to respond to the direction.

1:26:23 Adam The direction that the cat is pushing you.

1:26:25 Drew No fast movements, no sudden changes. The cat is going on top of the refrigerator if you move too quickly.

1:26:32 Adam Yeah, freak out. Now, here's the problem. A guy is a dog. So, a guy is thinking, like a dog, I'm going to give her what I would like.

1:26:40 Drew Why do you think when a dog comes around, what does the cat do?

1:26:42 Adam Run. Right. That's right. Slow it down.

1:26:46 Drew Let's do a song.

1:26:47 Adam Let's do a song. All right. Let's do a song.

1:26:51 Drew Just meditate on the profundity of what you've just said.

1:26:55 Adam Listen, I will be recognized for my genius.

1:26:58 Drew No doubt.

1:26:59 Adam If I have to force everyone to recognize me for my genius, I will be recognized. You understand? Against in studio tonight. We've got a second song, keep it up there, Michelle. This is called Swing Life Away. Yeah, Against, everybody. I like that song. Very acoustic. Chris playing the guitar in that one.

1:30:34 Caller Actually, Tim blessed us with his talents in that song. Wow.

1:30:38 Adam That's humiliating for me. Tim's not still in here. Oh, well. We'll take a little break. I'm going to recover and we'll be right back after this. Wait.

1:30:53 Caller My hair.

1:30:54 Adam We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Unwritten Law is in here tomorrow night, Against in here tonight. Chris and Joe representing, and we'll take ourselves a call. What do you say?

1:31:41 Rise Against There we go.

1:31:42 Adam Ready to go? Maria?

1:31:45 Rise Against Yeah.

1:31:46 Adam You're 15?

1:31:47 Rise Against No, I'm 16.

1:31:49 Adam 16?

1:31:49 Rise Against Yeah.

1:31:50 Drew What's up?

1:31:51 Rise Against I went on birth control for myself mostly, but when I was with my boyfriend or whatever, I was listening for five months. We broke up three weeks ago, and I'm still on it.

1:32:04 Drew Wait, now hold on a second. Why did you go on the pill in the first place?

1:32:08 Rise Against For safety, obviously.

1:32:10 Drew Yeah, but you said you did it for yourself. What did that mean?

1:32:12 Rise Against Well, I went to Planned Parenthood, and I didn't want my parents to know, I didn't want to go through my parents.

1:32:19 Drew You went on it for contraception. You didn't go on it to regulate your period.

1:32:22 Caller I understand.

1:32:23 Adam I know it was confusing, but I speak it.

1:32:25 Drew I just want to make sure of that. Okay, go ahead.

1:32:29 Rise Against I went and I got all blood tests, and I did all the STD tests and all that stuff, because I think it wasn't my first shit ever. Outstanding. I don't have anything else.

1:32:38 Adam Excelsior. I'm just trying to put it in her language.

1:32:44 Drew I appreciate it.

1:32:45 Adam Go ahead.

1:32:46 Caller Is it healthy to be on birth control when you're only 16?

1:32:48 Drew Is it healthy what?

1:32:49 Rise Against Is it healthy to be on birth control when you're only 16?

1:32:52 Drew Yes, it's fine. It's much healthier than being pregnant.

1:32:55 Rise Against Yeah. I haven't been able to ask my parents or anything, but we broke up for, I don't know why, but we broke up and I loved him, I guess.

1:33:12 Caller You know how you say you date your dad?

1:33:14 Rise Against Yeah. Hello. Yeah. Well, he wasn't anything like my parents and stuff, but my family life sucks. He was the only person I hung out with, and I just hung out with him the most, and he just dropped me off the face of the earth and stuff. So I tried to turn to my friends and stuff, and my parents asked me all the time what I'm doing.

1:33:38 Adam Listen, you're a miserable teenager. Yeah. So is everyone who listens to the show and calls the show. Join the club.

1:33:47 Drew What's horrible going on at home? You said it's miserable at home.

1:33:50 Rise Against My family, they're like-

1:33:52 Adam Dad constantly using Morse code.

1:33:55 Rise Against No. The radio is crazy because I'm on my cell phone. So, but my stepdad, like, I'm the only one in the house. My mom had like an affair with this guy and she had me. And so I'm like the brown eyed kid in the house and I don't want to like fit with everybody else. So all the pressure is put on me to like be better than myself.

1:34:14 Adam All right. Listen, I'm going to cheer you up not by saying your life's not that bad, but just by saying every teenager has a horrible life. Everyone feels uncomfortable and out of place and pressure. And here's what you need to know. You need to know. Here's what all 15, 16, 17-year-olds need to know. The two years or year and a half or whatever it is from now to the time. It's time for you to leave the nest kind of thing, get a job, go to college. You look at that as an eternity. Yeah. It's not short. It goes by quickly. And what you do-

1:34:46 Drew Work on that.

1:34:47 Adam Yeah. What you-

1:34:47 Rise Against I bought my own car. I have a job. Good.

1:34:49 Adam Good. Good.

1:34:51 Caller Work on the college part.

1:34:53 Adam English Lit major. Whatever you do in this next year and a half is really going to pave the way for you getting out of the house, you doing whatever. If you're not happy in your house, you have a job, you know how to save money, you know how to work hard. Now, the next move is starting to think about just focusing on school, work, saving more money. Say, look, if your stepdad's a pain in the ass or your mom gives you the stink eye, you just stay. When you get around 15, 16, you can stay off the radar. You really can. You just come in, eat dinner, go to your room, watch a little TV, rub one out, and then, rub one out? And then pow. You're back to school the next day, and then you play in the volleyball team and all that kind of crap. Just you hang with your friends. It's tough, but there's nothing you can do.

1:35:41 Caller Yeah?

1:35:42 Drew Yeah.

1:35:43 Adam The worst thing you can do is just sort of confront everything, get in everyone's grill, start getting sassy with everyone. Then they start coming down on you, and then you're screwed.

1:35:52 Caller Yeah?

1:35:53 Drew Real quick one here.

1:35:54 Adam Jeff? Yeah.

1:35:55 Drew From Hollywood.

1:35:56 Adam Jeff, 20, Hollywood. What's up?

1:35:59 Caller Oh, hi. I was calling because my girlfriend, like two weeks ago went to San Francisco, and she met up with a friend of hers, and she comes back telling me, you know, my friend wants to have like a threesome. So, I'm thinking it's a girl. Right. She tells me it's a guy, and I'm just like, what makes her think I would go through with this, you know?

1:36:24 Adam Well, I don't think she probably thought you would. She's probably just saying, we'd like to break up.

1:36:31 Drew Have you been pounding on her for quite a while about having a threesome with another girl? Well, we talked about it, about what a girl, yeah, but Jeff, have you been at her about it, like constantly bugging her about it?

1:36:43 Caller Sometimes, not all the time.

1:36:44 Drew All right, well, here you go.

1:36:45 Adam Yeah.

1:36:46 Drew Payback time.

1:36:46 Adam It's a bitch. That's probably what she's doing. It's either A, B, or all of the above.

1:36:53 Drew None of it's good.

1:36:54 Adam Which is, A, I just like to break up with you by bringing up something crazy and getting you to break up with me.

1:37:00 Drew B.

1:37:01 Adam B, this little payback.

1:37:03 Drew And I like to break up.

1:37:04 Adam Quit Ryan with me. Or C, yeah, I'd like to break up Ann's payback and screw you.

1:37:08 Drew Or C, she's actually into this and is going to sabotage the relationship anyway.

1:37:11 Adam All right. Either way, it's not good. Don't get her pregnant. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Well, that's the show, everybody. I'm going to give that one a seven and a half, maybe seven point like seven or seven or nine.

1:38:13 Drew Yeah.

1:38:14 Adam That's a good show.

1:38:17 Caller Yeah. Was that Chris?

1:38:20 Adam Against, I want to thank Tim, Joe, Brandon and Chris for coming in there. Siren's Song of the Counterculture. Remember that and buy it. Thanks, guys. Thank you. Thank you very much. Unwritten Law in here tomorrow night. Until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. Are your sweatpants down around your slippers? You're making me hot.

1:38:44 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:38:48 Caller The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station.

1:38:56 Caller The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:38:59 Caller Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, February 2, 2005