Episode 1000677938064

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:01 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:04 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:09 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:14 Voiceover This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. And tonight we welcome back to the show, dear, dear, dear friend, Ben Stein.

1:37 Drew I am humbled.

1:38 Adam Great to see you, Ben.

1:39 Drew It's great to see you. I listen to you and I travel all the time. I always ask at the desk of the hotel, what station do I get Loveline on? I listen to it and I feel like I'm right there with you two. And I, and of course, by extension with Jimmy. I think of you and Jimmy as basically being married.

1:55 Adam We really are.

1:56 Ben Stein Well, they are, yes. They are what they call life partners.

1:59 Drew I think so.

2:00 Adam Oh, yes.

2:01 Ben Stein Oh, yes.

2:01 Drew I think so.

2:02 Adam One day the state will recognize our love.

2:05 Ben Stein You tried many times now. You almost got it through in California.

2:07 Adam Yeah. Ben, by the way, is, well, now they're showing Win Ben Stein's money back on the game show network. Two hours a day. I do believe.

2:15 Drew Two hours a day.

2:17 Adam Yes.

2:17 Drew Only the ones with Jimmy is the co-host.

2:19 Adam Well, they only want the cream.

2:21 Drew That's right. Well, Jimmy was unbelievably good, although, you know, Sal is unbelievably good and Nancy was great, too.

2:26 Adam That's right. Everyone is great.

2:27 Drew But Jimmy, well, Jimmy is in a class by himself.

2:29 Adam He is.

2:30 Drew Yeah, he is.

2:31 Adam And, you know, the thing that's the thing that's crazy is, is, you know, you think, well, when when did they shoot this? Late 90s, 2000 and change, you know, Jimmy's wearing sweaters that date the show. I mean, Jimmy's wearing a sweater that is 20 years older than the show is. Do you know what I'm saying?

2:48 Drew That was not his fault. That was wardrobe. We did not have the world's best wardrobe.

2:52 Adam I know, but he dressed like Dave Coulier dressed in Too Close for Comfort. Now, what the hell was it? Step by Full House. He's very Coulier-esque from Full House. If that show was shot in 79, this one is 2001.

3:09 Drew I think he was supposed to be sort of looking retro.

3:12 Adam It worked good. And you know, when you...

3:15 Ben Stein Makes a good story now anyway.

3:16 Adam When you sort of barrel chest in, you got a big... There's nothing like a big fluffy sweater to really slim you down.

3:21 Ben Stein Fennec is perfect.

3:22 Adam It's going horizontally.

3:23 Drew Jimmy is very thin now.

3:25 Adam Oh, he's pencil thin.

3:26 Ben Stein Spelt.

3:27 Drew He is.

3:28 Adam Yeah, we fear for him.

3:30 Drew He is. He's like almost anorexic.

3:32 Adam He's going to blow away. I think he has a disorder. Drew, you've got to talk to him. Someone's going to get that boy to eat a hoagie or something. Speaking of that, I'm hoping he's having a Super Bowl party. Drew, I know you're P-whipped and not allowed to do anything that other guys do or with guys at any time, even once a year at the Super Bowl for the love of Christ. So you'll surely not be there. Drew, do you ever think about your life that's an impossibility that you can't go to a guy's house and watch a Super Bowl once a year? That's great. Do you ever think about that?

4:02 Drew Yeah.

4:03 Adam A guy who likes sports? Yeah. A guy who enjoys other human beings? Do you ever think you would paint yourself into that sort of emotional corner where it was almost impossible for once a year for you to go to someone's house, crack a beer and watch a football game with a group of people?

4:19 Drew Well, what would your wife do if you said, honey, I'm going over to Jimmy Kimmel's to watch the Super Bowl?

4:23 Ben Stein She'd go, great, take the boys.

4:25 Drew You're kidding. Wait a minute. That's ridiculous. Why don't you have a full-time live-in help? You're a well-to-do guy.

4:31 Adam He's got people. There's people.

4:34 Ben Stein You've got people.

4:35 Adam Drew won't let himself do it.

4:37 Yeah.

4:37 Ben Stein I don't know if we feel like we spent all our time.

4:39 Drew Is that the sound of being pee-whipped?

4:41 Ben Stein Yes.

4:42 That's very funny.

4:44 Adam That's true. No, I mean, Drew... Boy, Ben's a soft touch. I like that. He's easy. My point is, Drew, you won't let yourself do it. Your wife wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

4:56 Ben Stein No, it's not even her. It's me.

4:58 Adam Yeah. All right. Look into it. Not that we want you there, but Ben, we'll see you there, right?

5:03 Drew Well, if I'm in town, Jimmy... Has Jimmy's house finished, the new one? I mean, he said it's going to be finished January 15th. And I said, of what year?

5:12 Adam Yeah, I don't know. But all I know is, is it doesn't have to be finished. It just has to have food in it and the TVs have to work.

5:20 Drew And we're cool. Do you know how many TVs he has? It's either 17 or 19.

5:24 Ben Stein Oh my God.

5:25 Adam Yeah.

5:26 Ben Stein Wow.

5:26 Drew It's like a sports bar.

5:28 Ben Stein Where's the house?

5:29 Adam It's the same place.

5:30 Ben Stein It's just redid it.

5:31 Adam Yeah, just redid it. Wow. Put in a sports book worth of television sets.

5:36 Ben Stein So it's like Caesar's Palace when you go in there.

5:38 Adam Yeah.

5:39 Drew It's unbelievable. And some are pretty big.

5:41 Adam Yeah. You know what was awesome last year? Last year at his party, they did that thing where they go, look, everyone's picking a square and there's literally, I don't know if you were there last night, last year at Jimmy's, but there was 45, 50 people there and they made the big cousin Sal, you know, as a gambling addiction.

6:00 Drew He's a genius at betting.

6:01 Adam He's a genius, genius, yes. Yeah, no, just like Jimmy's a genius at picking out sweaters. He makes a big box in the grids and you got to just put your initials in it, you know, what quarter, what's the score at the NIH core. So I, as usual, because I live so close to Jimmy's, I just walk over and flip flops and sweatpants and I'm going to get drunk and lose my wallet, so I don't bring my wallet and I don't have any money. And I'm like, I don't have any money. And Jimmy reaches into his pocket, he's like, put 20 on that, 20 on that, and 20 on that. And I just put my initials in like three random boxes and go back to eating and won $1,850. Whoa.

6:38 Yeah, that was awesome.

6:40 Adam The part that, and the part I think Jimmy took offense to is I didn't want to pay him back his $20. I felt, I didn't feel it was right that he asked for his money. Not, you know, not that day. I would have made it up to him in the form of a lunch or something, but I didn't feel it was right.

6:55 Drew Yeah, it's kind of weird, awkward.

6:56 Adam Yeah, so Ben Stein has a movie coming out on February 18th called Son of the Mask, which we figured out is about 11 years after the first mask hit the theater, right?

7:10 Drew I think that's about right.

7:11 Adam 94, I think we figured out, 93, 94. And what's the story? What's your part, first?

7:16 Drew My part is the same part I played in the first one. I played Dr. Newman. Now, this is going to shock you. A Jewish doctor, psychiatrist, Dr. Drew, who is an expert in the masks people wear. And he has now moved from private practice to being the curator of a museum of masks. And the first, I am on screen for about the first seven minutes and I am, something horrible is done to me by the villain of the movie. And I sort of have picked him out as who he is when he was trying to be incognito and he has done something awful to me.

7:55 Oh, all right.

7:56 Adam Drew wears the mask of someone who's not pee-whipped.

7:59 Drew Occasionally.

8:00 Adam But in actuality, he just lived that mask.

8:03 Drew But you know why, that's a big question because I have a lot of friends who are totally controlled by their wives. And my wife doesn't try to control me in any way whatsoever. And in return, she got an 11 karat diamond for Christmas.

8:18 Adam Yeah.

8:20 Drew Well, so that's really wives who are listening to this. That's what you get if you don't try to control your husbands.

8:26 Adam Right. But I mean, I think Ben kind of pushes the envelope. He did.

8:30 Ben Stein He put one over the top. Yeah. Yeah.

8:32 Adam And doing to blow off the hookers in the family room.

8:36 Ben Stein That's why I was 11 karat diamond, not a 4 karat diamond.

8:38 Adam But yeah, it's a Kobe kind of lifestyle he's living, so you have to make it up in jewelry. But I do believe that all the guys I know who are pee whipped sort of blame it on their wife. But the reality is, they feel more comfortable. You know what you're like? You're like a dog who has run out of the house, but when the owners leave, you go back in your crate. That's you. You like it in your crate. You feel more secure in your crate.

9:01 Drew All right, I'm going to say something now, and you're probably going to make fun of me for saying this. That's an incredibly insightful observation. That's incredibly, unbelievably insightful.

9:10 Ben Stein I remember the last time Ben was up here, we had a shoot.

9:12 Adam It gives me a compliment.

9:13 Ben Stein We had a call. We talked to an abused woman. We recognized the abuse in her voice. And we remember this, and you were like, that was the most amazing call I've ever heard.

9:19 Drew Yeah. Some of the calls I've heard when I've been on the road are just beyond belief. The thing that always amazes me is, first of all, it's hard to believe the stories are real like 13, 14 year old girls having affairs with 45 year old men and they're wondering if they're being taken advantage of. But also, when you sort of read them the riot act, they patiently take it and they don't like yell back at you or say stop torturing me. They're incredibly self-lacerating in every way.

9:48 Adam Well, you know what it is, it's, you ever see that old footage of like prison footage of guys being brought to the gallows and they don't seem to struggle at all, like here they are, here's some old footage. This is-

10:01 Ben Stein That's actually a well-documented phenomena, like it's like when the Germans were marching the cities off to the giant graves, people just walk quietly and talk.

10:08 Adam Yeah, it's the same line. Yeah, it's weird.

10:11 Drew What else could they do? I mean, they would be-

10:12 Ben Stein Well, it's the escape when there is no escape, is that you shut down. That's what your brain does when you're being, when you're in assault and you can't escape it, you just walk.

10:20 Drew Well, but wait a second, but I think what the interesting thing here is to start where we started, which is with your wife not letting you go to the Super Bowl party, and now we're into the Nazis marching the Jews off to be killed at Babi Yar. I don't think they're quite the same.

10:35 Adam A decent analogy and a little bit of a stretch, but we got there rather quickly, though, didn't we?

10:40 Drew It didn't take very, very quickly.

10:42 Adam All right. So, Drew, you'll be on a train.

10:46 Ben Stein Here's my thing. This is really what's behind all of it, at least on a conscious level, is I work a lot and I feel guilty when I don't spend my free time with my family.

10:55 Adam Yeah.

10:55 Ben Stein That's Super Bowl. I know. Once a year, that's the retarded part.

10:58 Adam Yeah. I get angry at people who didn't watch the Super Bowl, even if I'm casual, and they weren't going to the party. Just ones who spent the day raking leaves. Yeah.

11:11 Drew Well, I don't think anyone in LA, except Hispanics, rakes leaves in any event. I mean, if you're a good point. I mean, when we were children in the East Coast, those of us who grew up in the East, we would rake leaves. But I don't see any.

11:24 Ben Stein You blow them down.

11:25 Drew Queros, Queros raking leaves.

11:28 Adam Yeah. The gringos lost his connection with the leaf. Yeah. We really have no leaf connection anymore. Dr. Drew, when's the last time you dove into a pile of leaves?

11:36 Ben Stein Oh, decades.

11:37 Adam Yeah. For me, it's been weeks. We don't have leaves. Occasionally, you get hit by power wire. Ben Stein here tonight. We will take some calls. Ben will weigh in. Ben is not only amazingly complimentary, but he's honest as the day is long and doesn't mind talking about almost anything. Strip clubs in Dallas. That's one of the topics he wants to talk about tonight. What about that, Ben?

12:03 Drew Well, when I was in Dallas recently for a speech, the people who put on the speech said, Oh, we're going to take you to dinner at this club. And I said, well, is this going to be a strip club? And he said, yes. And I said, well, I don't know if I want to go to a strip club. I said, all right, well, you know, we'll take you to the part of it where they don't have the stripping. So I said, all right. But by the way, my wife couldn't care less whether I go or not. So I went to it. And in fact, we were in the part, the very exclusive part where the girls with the biggest, most sensational bodies, let us say, were dancing. And it was just fabulous. It was just incredibly fabulous. Yeah. And I mean, I was very, very impressed. And I think Dallas has better clubs of that kind than Vegas.

12:48 Adam Well, it's tough to judge. It's tough to quantify. You know, there's no mathematical theorem for it. It's personal. But I think we could agree if we went into one club and then one or the other, which one scored higher.

13:00 Ben Stein Isn't there sort of a circuit? So you might be hitting one on a good week.

13:02 Adam Yes. Yes.

13:03 Drew But there's the one, the one that we went to in Dallas. If I don't, if I'm not screwing this up in my memory, it was called the Lodge. And it was just incredible. It was just amazing.

13:14 Ben Stein The F word almost came out.

13:15 Drew Did you see that? It was very impressive.

13:18 Adam Ben, you want to know something that I found? It's a fairly recent revelation, something I didn't know that a fair amount of guys I know have an orgasm via a lap dance.

13:30 Drew I have never done that.

13:31 Ben Stein And we found out, a stripper talking to us in this show said that a lot of guys wear condoms to the club. And they don't mess themselves.

13:37 Adam Yeah.

13:38 Drew Wow.

13:38 Adam And now I get it. You know what I mean?

13:41 Drew I mean, what did you think there? You're joking, right?

13:44 Adam Well, no, no, I enjoy, I always enjoyed a lap dance, but you know, a couple of times a year was enough. The guys who went every Friday night, I was like, well, what are you going to tease in yourself? They're not teasing.

13:56 Drew I think that's exactly right.

13:59 Adam There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, whereas for me, I just would keep driving and staring at it from the back with that station wagon, but it never actually got to the gold part. And then it was sort of, as your Levi's wear thin, it sort of wears out. It's like, it's a scare, I've had enough of this rubbing. There's a point where you're begging to go home and take care of yourself. These guys, if they're having an orgasm at the club, you can kind of understand why they're going back Friday night.

14:24 Drew Oh, and they do go back there. When I was at this club in Dallas, the girls seemed to know, except for me and the guys I was with from the convention, they seemed to know just about everybody in the room.

14:34 Adam Really? Yeah, a lot of regulars.

14:36 Drew Yeah.

14:36 Adam All right. And did you get a lap dance?

14:40 Drew I'm not going to say what I got. I'll just say. I'm not going to say what I got. I just say I had a very wonderful visit. And actually, I had a kind of a funny experience.

14:50 Adam Hold on. Let me say something. You saying no lap dances mean you got three. You say I'm not going to say what I got. We're into the high teens, low 20s.

14:58 Ben Stein On the wonderful visit.

14:59 Adam Easily.

15:00 Drew Well.

15:01 Adam Go ahead.

15:01 Drew No, I, this wonderful girl was visiting with me and she said, I said, you're so pretty and so cute. And she said, well, I, she said, I've never been to Los Angeles. I'd love to come visit you in Los Angeles. I said, you're kidding. You really, I mean, you hardly even know me. She said, yes, but I know you're a star. And I said, God, I'm, I'm so, I'm so grateful. And she said, she said, yeah, just I would come visit you any time. Mr. Stiller.

15:27 Adam Oh, I thought you were Jerry Stiller.

15:30 Drew No, she thought I was Ben Stiller. Oh, oh, sorry about that. Someone had told her I was Ben Stiller. That happens to me all the time. People come up to me and say, you're Ben Stiller. Wow.

15:42 Adam I know. Yeah. Well, that was my first thought. And then I did the age math and figured you're closer to Jerry than Ben.

15:48 Drew Well, I'm not sure.

15:49 Ben Stein You're in between Jerry and Ben.

15:50 Drew How old do you think Ben is?

15:52 Adam Older than you.

15:54 Drew No, Ben, Jerry is a lot older, but Ben's got to be 40.

15:58 Adam Could be 40, 42.

15:59 Drew I think he's maybe even older than that.

16:01 Adam He could be 39 to 42.

16:04 Ben Stein Okay.

16:04 Drew And how old do you think Jerry is?

16:05 Ben Stein 75.

16:06 Drew Then I'm closer to Jerry.

16:08 Adam Jerry, yeah, Jerry could be 75, but then Jerry just has that sort of Ernest Borgner sort of perpetual.

16:14 Ben Stein 75 year old.

16:15 Adam Yeah, it's like when he was in the fifth grade, he looked like an old Jew, like an old rabbi. So here's what I was going to say. And this is another interesting thing Ben brings up, which is, well, they could think you were worse guys in Ben Stiller.

16:31 Drew He's an incredible actor.

16:32 Adam But women, we've talked about this before, the allure of celebrity. And one of the allures of celebrity is, for women, there's a safety factor. Like, if you go in and the woman is attracted to you but doesn't know who you are, she doesn't want to leave with you. Who the hell knows what you're going to do?

16:50 Drew It could be Ted Bundy.

16:52 Adam It could be Ted Bundy. Right. If she knows you from TV or wherever, movies, whatever, you're safe. And she feels like she knows you. Whereas with guys, that's a non-factor. It's not like you're going to meet some hot chick at a club, you're going to go back with her, she's going to pull her van over and overpower you and force you to have sex with her.

17:12 Ben Stein As much as you might wish for that.

17:14 Adam Even if that did happen, what could be the worst that could happen? Right. So as a guy, if they recognize you, they don't even have to really be attracted to you. They can just be like, this guy's not going to try to stab me. Or maybe he will and I'll be rich.

17:30 Drew But I think there's part of it is, their lives are so boring and dull. I'll give you...

17:36 Ben Stein So when she came out, how was it? What?

17:39 Drew I'm sorry. She didn't come out. I was in Wichita Falls, Texas the other day, which is a charming place and it's very near Archer City, which is where they filmed the last picture show, one of the best movies ever made. And I met at the Avis counter as beautiful a woman as I've ever seen in my life. Really? It's just unbelievably beautiful, magnificently beautiful. And she was telling me about her life. And it's just not a terribly interesting life. And just the allure of Hollywood or coming to Los Angeles seemed to light up her face. I mean, to us it's second nature, but if you're in, she's in a small suburb of Wichita Falls, it seems very, very exciting.

18:29 Ben Stein See Adam, you complain about my passion.

18:30 Adam Yeah.

18:31 Ben Stein Imagine Ben on MRI scan.

18:33 Adam I was about to say that I think Ben is a passionate, passionate man. I'm very passionate.

18:38 Ben Stein Thinking out of passion's me.

18:39 Adam Yeah.

18:40 Drew I'm very passionate.

18:40 Adam Drew is a passionate man as well. And this is another interesting topic, which is, I don't think, see, here's what I think. I think people think the higher the person's sort of intellect is, the lower their passion is. Absolutely not true. Not true at all, obviously. And the more you are, the closer you are to an animal, the closer you are to passion. I think that's true in just an aggressive standpoint, but not when it comes to the ladies. You know what I mean? Like, a guy who has a very low IQ is much more apt to get no fight with someone and keep kicking them after they're passed out. But he's not more apt to be more passionate than a guy with a high intellect. And I think when they see guys that are sort of buttoned down, they see guys that are smart, professors and lawyers and doctors, they just think, oh, he's not as passionate as the construction worker, or the fireman, or the cop, or whatever. The reality is, Drew is an exquisitely passionate man, and I now see that Ben Stein is as well.

19:43 Drew I'm very passionate. I'm very passionate, especially about my dogs.

19:46 Ben Stein Oh, I met his dogs tonight.

19:48 Drew The dogs are magnificent. The dogs are as wonderful as any creatures on God's earth except my wife, and my son, who's also wonderful.

20:01 Adam Now you see, I go through my life sort of complaining about people and wondering why stuff I have isn't better. I think it's a much better angle, a much better tact to take, like Ben, which is, I have the greatest dogs in the world, I have the greatest wife in the world. See, I go through life going, Ben's got the greatest dog, he's got the greatest wife, I have a worse dog, I have a horrible wife.

20:23 Drew You have one of the most beautiful wives in the world.

20:26 Adam Thank you, thank you.

20:27 Drew I don't, do you have a dog?

20:29 Adam I have a beautiful dog now, too, but not as good as your dog.

20:32 Drew I'm sure your dogs are every bit as beautiful though. You know what happiness is? Happiness is being grateful for what you have, and having an attitude of gratitude instead of an attitude of envy. That's happiness. You have an unbelievable life. You're unbelievably highly paid, very successful, you get to showcase your intellect all the time. Also, all true of Dr. Drew. You're very, very lucky. You've got there eight billion people in the world. How many people do you think get to live like you two? A couple of hundred thousand, a couple of thousand in the whole world.

21:02 Adam I know, we have to kill them. That's my point, so that we can be truly at peace and happy.

21:08 Ben Stein No, no, there will be no envy, though.

21:10 Adam The point is, Ben is a passionate man.

21:13 Drew And a grateful man.

21:14 Adam And a grateful man. And when I say passionate, I don't necessarily just mean about as a dog lover, but Drew, passionate for the ladies, and now for one lucky lady. And Ben, passionate for the ladies, and now one lucky lady as well.

21:29 Drew Well, I'd say more for the dogs, really.

21:32 Okay.

21:34 Drew I mean, I love my wife beyond the possibility of explaining, but the dogs, well, the dogs.

21:42 Adam No, I understand.

21:43 Ben Stein Now we can't even touch.

21:44 Drew No, I mean, I don't have sex with the dogs, but the dogs are a perfect piece.

21:51 Ben Stein Transcendent.

21:52 Drew The perfect moment in my life is in the afternoons sometimes, if I'm in town, my wife and I will take a nap with the dogs.

22:02 Adam Really?

22:02 Drew And we have this beautiful house overlooking our pool in our house, and there we are with the dogs and the wind blowing through the windows. It's just perfection. It's all right there.

22:13 Adam I'm a napping guy. I love to take a nap, but I'm a solo napper.

22:17 Ben Stein You have to masturbate before you nap. That may narrow it down for you.

22:21 Adam No, no, I don't always do that.

22:23 Ben Stein What?

22:24 Adam Yeah, I didn't do it once. I remember that one time I told you I didn't do it.

22:28 Drew Yeah, yeah, I remember that.

22:29 Adam I was 94 quake.

22:31 Drew Remember that?

22:31 Ben Stein Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it.

22:33 Adam The point is I don't mind napping with my wife, but it feels weird. I feel like somebody, it's four in the afternoon and somebody needs to be pacing up and down the hall. I need to nap. Like half of my pleasure of napping is everyone else is up. I like to think I'm the only guy sleeping and there's something that feels sort of good about it, like I'm taking a nap. You guys can all push your pencils or do whatever you got to do, dig your ditches. I'm going to take a nap and when someone else is napping with me, it sort of burst that bubble. Yes.

23:04 Drew But my wife is usually reading and then she takes a nap.

23:07 Adam That's why she's up.

23:08 Drew It's fabulous to do that. All right.

23:10 Adam Well, Ben, we're going to nap sometime.

23:12 Drew Okay.

23:12 Ben Stein We'll take a call before we...

23:13 Adam Let's take a call.

23:14 Drew All right.

23:15 Adam We'll take one call. Amanda?

23:17 Hey.

23:18 Adam You're 21?

23:20 Caller I am 21.

23:20 Adam What's up?

23:22 Caller Well, my boyfriend has a problem getting and maintaining erections.

23:28 Ben Stein How old is he?

23:29 Caller He's 21.

23:30 Ben Stein Oof. Is he on any medication?

23:34 Caller No, he's not. He told me that he has a low testosterone level.

23:39 Ben Stein Huh. Did he have an undescended testy or something when he was growing up?

23:43 Caller I don't think so.

23:45 Ben Stein Why would he have a low testosterone level?

23:47 Caller I think that was just an estimate that he gave me. I think that was just like his diagnosis, his personal diagnosis. But I know that he's never been…

23:58 Ben Stein Does he have normal body hair, normal musculature, that sort of thing?

24:01 Caller Yeah.

24:02 Ben Stein I'll tell you a rather common problem that people don't think about is prolactin secreting tumors. They're relatively common. They can profoundly lower the testosterone level in males. Somebody his age really has erectile problems primarily in terms of getting started. It makes you think medical or medication or substances.

24:19 Adam Yeah, 21 year old guys.

24:21 Drew Well, I would like to... may I offer a comment?

24:23 Sure.

24:24 Drew I think we should ask her what she does to stimulate him and whether she is doing adequately sophisticated and caring work to stimulate him to do this. Because except for the most savage beasts, I don't think men can be expected to get erections without being stimulated. So what is she doing? What is her part in this drama?

24:44 Adam Dr. Drew is a man of passion, begs to differ.

24:47 Ben Stein Ben, just talking about the Avis person.

24:50 Adam Right. Gave Dr. Drew a little rise. Amanda, are you doing things for him?

24:57 Caller Definitely. The reason I called is because I didn't know if there was something like out that something special I could be doing.

25:05 Adam Okay. Here's the thing. I agree with Drew. Twenty-one year old guys, when a woman is naked in the room, they're in and it's that time of the night, shouldn't have any difficulty in the erectile department.

25:17 Ben Stein It's one thing if they start having sex and lose the erection or have difficulty with penetration that happens when people are anxious and have interpersonal issues, and even then some medical issues come, but they have initially unable to get an erection.

25:29 Drew Well, I used to say to a person very close to me who had, now, I hope this isn't going to...

25:37 Ben Stein This won't go on the radio, don't worry.

25:39 Drew That there is no such thing as a problem of this guy that cannot be solved by a sufficiently, what shall I say?

25:49 Adam Skilled?

25:49 Drew Skilled, thank you, skilled woman.

25:53 Adam Yes, professional woman or just anyone?

25:56 Drew No, no, any woman who has sufficient motivation and concentration. Now, I would like to ask, see, I would go back to this woman, I would say, well, are you fully concentrating on helping him get an erection?

26:09 Ben Stein I will let you do that, but let me make one point, that there's some studies just came out showing that sexual dysfunction is oftentimes a presenting symptom of more serious medical problems. People, before they have a heart attack, usually have difficulty with the rectal function.

26:22 Drew Before, it's pain in my heart.

26:26 Ben Stein You know he's not having a heart trial dysfunction. In 21 year olds, endocrinological problems, like prolactin tumor.

26:30 Adam You can't get a boner, 21, you're praying you have a heart attack. Lord, take me, you're like Fred Sanford.

26:37 Ben Stein But the point is, people don't think about these things, they gotta think about it, because they need to be intervened sometimes. Anyway, so let's see what Amanda's role in this is.

26:44 Adam Well, listen, I love to agree with Ben, he's a genius and everything, but the guy has a 21 year old penis, Ben, you're thinking like a 55 year old penis.

26:53 Drew I'm 60.

26:53 Adam A 60 year old, I know, but you're thinking like a 55 year old penis, a deducted five for your penis.

27:00 Drew I thought you said 65.

27:01 Adam Scrotum's youthful appearance. All I'm saying, the thing that's funny about the sack, the thing I love about the sack, as someone pointed out to me, I was saying the other night, first off, no difference in Leonardo DiCaprio or Brad Pitt's sack versus a salty sea captain's sack. Both, all three as attractive as the next. So that's nice to know that no matter how beautiful a man is, his sack has nothing on yours, number one. But number two, it's so bad, it doesn't even get worse with time. Right.

27:36 Ben Stein It can't be made worse.

27:37 Adam 65 year old sack, no different than a 15 year old sack. It's, they're all disaster. A few more gray pubes.

27:43 Drew Mary, you know what they remind me of? You know what they remind me of? I was listening to you once about a year ago and you were talking, some guy was on the air with you, talking about going down on a woman and you said, it's a train wreck down there. And I think, I laughed so hard, I think I had to pull off the PCH to keep from crashing.

28:03 Adam We should get, thank you. We should get, women get credit for doing that to us. We don't get nearly the credit I think we deserve. For doing it to them.

28:13 Ben Stein For all sex.

28:14 Adam Yes, yes.

28:15 Ben Stein You don't think?

28:16 Adam Well, they like it and they sometimes will complain if we do or they don't, but we don't seem, the guys don't get any credit for it. I mean, it's a sexual act and therefore it's covered under this umbrella of you love sex.

28:28 Ben Stein Right, right, right.

28:29 Adam Well, we do love sex, but it's like saying, you love food. You don't love all, you don't love giblets.

28:35 Ben Stein Well, Adam went down this, he went down this, yes, absolutely. He went down this path once before. He goes, look, which would you rather do? Would you rather eat a churro or an abalone?

28:44 Adam Yeah.

28:44 Ben Stein You get more credit for your face in the abalone than eating the churro, right?

28:49 Yeah.

28:49 Caller I'm saying, give the guy credit for eating the churro right out of this, eating the abalone right out of the shell.

28:55 Stuck on a finger or stuck on an open wound. Thank you.

28:59 Adam That's right.

29:00 That's you, Corolla. That's what you said.

29:01 Adam Yeah. Thank you. Ben Stein here, everyone. Son of the Mass, bring the kids, everybody. It's coming out on the 18th of February. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

29:16 Caller With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

29:30 Adam There, buddy, it's Loveline, Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. The great mine of Ben Stein here tonight. Soon to be seen in Son of the Mask, out on February 18th. Our dear friend Jamie Kennedy is also in that.

29:48 Ben Stein Did you work with Jamie?

29:50 Drew No. I worked with the, I'm sorry, I'm eating a piece of pizza. I worked with Alan Cumming, the villain.

29:56 Adam And he was, gave, he treated Ben rudely in the beginning of the movie. We can't give too much.

30:02 Drew He does what he's very mean to me. Very mean.

30:06 Adam Ben, Ben is always active in politics and always has been certainly probably less active now than he was when he was writing speeches for Nixon and Ford. And I know we always seem to get into this, but we don't have too many people that know too much about anything, really, on this show. So I'm always...

30:25 Drew Well, you do know a hell of a lot.

30:27 Adam Well, we have instincts, but we don't actually have information unless it's about woodworking or heart disease.

30:34 Drew Or medicine, a trivial subject like medicine.

30:37 Adam Sawing wood or bones, we're fine at, but other stuff like politics, we just have our instincts. But what is your take on Iraq? We always talk about it. What do you think? What do you think the plan is? Do you think the elections went well?

30:52 Drew I want to say first of all, I am asked all the time because I live and work in Hollywood, what do I think about the fact that all the stars like Sean Penn and Susan Sarandon and Robert Redford are on the other side of the fence politically for me and for Mr. Bush? What do I think about that, especially about the Iraq War? I always say those people are not real stars. A man is not a star if he gets paid $20 million to read lines in front of a camera that somebody else has written. The real stars are the guys in the First Air Cavalry Division in Baghdad and the Marines and Fallujah who risk their lives, lose their lives sometimes to fight the terrorists. Those are the real stars and they're amazing stars. So that's one thing. They're real, real stars. They light up the night. Second thing, I am friends with this wonderful guy from the First Air Cav Second Battalion, Seventh Brigade. He tells me that some of the Iraqi National Guard are the bravest guys he's ever seen in his life. They're amazingly capable. They'll stand up toe to toe against the terrorists and shoot it out with them, even when the Americans are diving for cover. And he says many of them are inspiringly brave, well-behaving, clever guys. Some are terrible derelicts. But he says there are enough of them who are good guys that he thinks they're going to be able to put something together. He's there every day going out on patrol, every day dodging IEDs and rocket-propelled grenades and cyber fire. If he thinks that there's hope, I think there must be some hope.

32:22 Adam And you think it was the right thing?

32:25 Drew You know, I don't know. I don't know. Turns out Saddam Hussein was not as bad a threat as we thought. But you know, Mr. Bush said something very smart about it. He said Saddam Hussein was the most dangerous man in the world and the most dangerous place in the world. So probably better that he's gone. And I think the fact, look, Iraq had a higher voter turnout with people threatening to kill the voters than we have with Puff P. Diddy begging people to vote.

32:55 Adam Yeah, begging, threatening.

32:57 Ben Stein Yeah, he's going to kill them if they don't.

32:59 Drew No, he was begging them to vote. So I think there's some deep current of human nature that wants democracy. And I think the president is going to turn out to have done the right thing here.

33:08 Adam Yeah, and I don't think it's going to be that much. You know, sometimes you just go back and think about something like the Berlin Wall and you think, man, that went on until like, I don't know, 89 or whatever.

33:18 Drew We never thought it would come down.

33:20 Adam I know.

33:21 Drew We never thought it would come down.

33:22 Adam You never thought it would come down. But when you go back and look at it, that it was up for 40 something years, you you think, what the hell was it doing up, you know, a wall, literally a wall with guard station on it going through the center of a city. I mean, ridiculous at that. Then of course, the second went down immediately. Nobody, nobody from west went east. Everyone from east went west and then everything turned out fine. I mean, you look back on these things historically and you realize that it's just a better way to, a better government, a democracy.

33:49 Drew There is something about democracy that's very close to people's heart. People don't like being pushed around.

33:54 Ben Stein What a church will say, it's the worst form of government, except for all the rest.

33:57 Drew Right, exactly.

33:58 Adam Yeah. Listen, you know, every time this country thinks, every time everyone thinks this country is a bully, I'm like, listen, if we were a bully, we would have just blown Cuba out of the water as soon as Russia fell off, fell out of the game. I mean, I still would like to just go throw Fidel into the ocean. But the fact that they're giving us a surus for 50 years and now their big brother has been thrown out of the high school and there's no one to protect them anymore, meaning the Soviet Union. And we just sort of let him ride things out over there. It means of course we're ambivalent.

34:29 Drew We're ambivalent, we're not bullies. It's like what Colin Bell said. We fought two world wars to protect the West and to save democracy. And all we asked for was enough space to bury our dead. I mean, that's no other country in the world has ever done anything like that.

34:41 Adam Well, here's the bottom line. All you a-holes out there who talk smack about your beloved country, first off, just do the math in terms of where do people flee? They flee to this country, number one. Number two, if you were in a war and you became a prisoner of war, who would like to be your captors? Japan?

34:59 Drew World War II?

35:00 Adam How about Japan? How about your... Oh, they do think they're great. They care about the elderly over there. They have the medicine. They have the holistic medicine. You want those guys? They'll put you in a diaper, give you three grains of rice and beat the crap out of you while you build some bridge to nowhere. Just think about the countries you would like to be captured by. Because by the way, that's how you judge a country. Not how they treat their elite, the rich, or even their citizens. How do they treat people they don't have to treat well? Every other country, you get turned into a drone ant. They just work you until they die. They don't bother wasting any food or medical help on you. They just work you. You fall over. You die. They roll you off the side of the road. And they put the next guy in your place. That's it. This country is pretty decent to people we capture. Yeah, sure, we toss them in a pyramid every once in a while. But that's essentially, that's fraternity hazing business. The stuff other countries do is about beheading, working to death, torturing and killing.

35:57 Drew Well, when we captured the German prisoners in World War II, we brought them to America and they were, they lived better than they lived in Germany. I mean, they were living unbelievably well. Many of them came back here after the war.

36:06 Adam I'm just saying, you want to, you want, you think we're a bad country, who do you want to get captured by in a war? And who do you want to lose to in a war? Think about that. Yeah, think about if Germany or Japan, Italy and these countries have ever done any battle, imagine if they just had won. You think we'd all, you'd keep your house, keep your name, keep your flag, huh?

36:26 Drew Drew and I would be dead.

36:27 Adam Keep your language.

36:28 Ben Stein People of different ethnicities would be in big trouble.

36:30 Adam Yeah, well, Drew's half Jew, he'd be half dead. I just glitched down the middle.

36:35 Drew There's already half.

36:35 Ben Stein Chris, Chris.

36:37 Adam Chris, yeah. Chris, I think they'd take pity on him.

36:41 Ben Stein He's got some Italian in him, so I guess.

36:43 Adam Yeah, I think they'd, they'd, they'd use that.

36:45 Drew One drop of Jewish blood, you're dead.

36:47 Adam One drop? All right. Me, because of my voice and respect I have in the community, they would use for propaganda. I would just be up there speaking German, screaming, I want to get in line.

36:56 Ben Stein You'd be a loud speaker.

36:57 Adam Yeah. I'd be driving around.

36:59 Ben Stein Hey, everybody listen to me.

37:01 Adam I'd be driving a VW Thing with a big loud speaker on it. You know, like, get in line and pay attention. Kara?

37:09 Caller Yes?

37:09 Adam You're 23?

37:11 Caller Yes.

37:11 Adam What's up?

37:13 Caller Recently, I've been having sexual dreams about women. Yeah. And I'm straight and I'm in a happy relationship and I don't really understand why.

37:24 Ben Stein Anything else changing? Any new birth control pills or anything funny going on?

37:27 Caller Nope.

37:28 Ben Stein And have you ever had feelings towards women before?

37:32 Caller I've made out with girls and...

37:34 Ben Stein Was that to impress guys? A lot of girls do that these days.

37:37 Caller Uh, no. This was like in high school. I was experimenting.

37:42 Ben Stein So you weren't trying to impress guys. You were interested in girls.

37:46 Drew Why do you say you're straight?

37:47 Caller Huh?

37:48 Adam Well, you've made out with girls.

37:50 Ben Stein You've declared you're major though.

37:52 Caller I've never like gone south of the border.

37:55 Ben Stein Were you sexually abused growing up? No. Any experimentation with kids of other girls or kids your own age when you were a little kid?

38:01 Caller No.

38:02 Adam It's, Drew, it's, I mean, once in a while, I know, yeah. Me and one of my buddies would have to make out to turn a chick on.

38:09 Drew What? I don't believe that.

38:11 Adam Yeah, turns out, turns out later. It's a two-way street, man. It works the same way. Our sexuality is no different than theirs.

38:19 Ben Stein Think about how our brains are. We just went through a whole litany of discussion about a girl doing this, right? Okay, and then Adam suggested he might have done it. I was like, oh my God, impossible.

38:27 Drew Because of course, it's a turn on to have two girls make out. It's not a turn on to have two guys make out. But I mean, that's totally different.

38:33 Ben Stein You need to talk to him about the porn, going through the porn story and coming upon the gay pornography.

38:38 Adam Well, that's an interesting thing.

38:39 Drew All right, talk to me about that.

38:40 Adam Here's another theory I have. Controversial, yes, but I think you'll agree with me, which is, you know, everyone, and again, we all hate these Hollywood lefty types who basically try to convince everyone that, you know, the only difference between men and women is like this indoctrination, that the man gives the boy a truck and a gun and he gives the girl a dolly and forces us into our gender differences and all this kind of BS. And the fact that guys sort of have this aversion to gay pornography, I mean, like, when you see graphic gay erotica, you have to avert your gaze. You have to put your hand over your face and sort of turn, is it like when you're flipping through and you see, you're flipping through the stations, you get the TLC and Hugh Downs is getting a knee replacement. The guy's got the cold chisel out. It's like, you're like, oh, oh no, no. That means that kind of thing. It's like, I can't look at this. And I was saying to Drew a couple of things. One is, there really should be more gay bashing going on considering the visceral reaction that most men have to gay sex. You know what I mean? I shouldn't say we need more of it.

39:51 Ben Stein But it's amazing, it's nice that there isn't more of it.

39:54 Adam Yes, if you took 100 heterosexual guys, showed them graphic depictions of gay pornography, every one of them would have to sort of turn away or say like, I'm going to vomit. The fact that half of one of those guys actually goes out and smacks somebody is a low percentage for a bunch of guys who are going to vomit.

40:12 Ben Stein I'll tell you more about this.

40:14 Drew That's another very true.

40:15 Ben Stein Off the air. I'm doing this Discovery Health Show and it's about sexual behaviors and whatnot. I went down to Emory and we were studying functional MRIs of men versus women looking at erotic material. And obviously the differences in the brain response are profoundly different. But one of the things they show you, I actually did it myself, got in the scanner. And one of the things they show you is male erotica too. And your brain-

40:35 Adam What did they show you by the way?

40:37 Ben Stein Showed you just guys chubbed up standing there, you know, looking kind of-

40:40 Drew What does chubbed up mean?

40:41 Ben Stein With erections.

40:43 Adam But not doing it for each other.

40:44 Ben Stein Not actually doing anything, no. But interestingly, my brain and this other guy's brain who was in the scanner with, that subsequently showed threat. Threat and then rage. Rage and threat areas. Isn't that interesting?

40:56 Adam Raging boner or just raging anger?

40:57 Ben Stein Just raging.

40:58 Drew But I think that has to do-

40:59 Ben Stein I thought isn't that interesting? You're threatened by its novelty, threat, and then anger.

41:03 Drew But that has to do-

41:04 Ben Stein And I wasn't even aware that I had that reaction.

41:06 Drew I think that has to do partly with fear of one's own feelings.

41:11 Ben Stein You know, I looked at it, I thought-

41:13 Adam Hold on, let it in, Drew.

41:14 Ben Stein No, I'm letting- Let me think here. I examine myself, I watch very carefully what happened to me during the scan, and I got sort of like, oh jeez, get back to the girls again. Come on, come on, come on.

41:24 Drew I agree, but there's- I think, first of all, your point is very shrewd, but something is going on because I find the idea of a guy putting his thing in another guy's anus horrifying. But I know some, my best friend is gay, and he's an unbelievably fine human being. So I have to believe that there's some unbelievably fine human beings who do that. Well, of course. Because he's an unbelievably fine human being.

41:52 Ben Stein We're talking about primitive biological response that males have.

41:56 Adam I am saying when you see depictions of it, and guys, by the way, guys who enjoy, you know, if there's a film, if it's news at 11 where the guy who was on the motorcycle was getting chased by the sheriff's car, went off the overpass and collided with a semi-truck, guys will watch that and play it back five times with the TiVo. Those same guys seeing a couple of guys engaging in lanal sex have to put their hand up in front of that thing.

42:23 Ben Stein I think, though, there are two other phenomenons sexually that people respond to, men, with the same exact kind of a feeling. One, imagine your parents having sex.

42:33 Drew Oh, that's very deep.

42:36 Ben Stein And two, close, but not quite as intense, but very elderly having sex.

42:41 Adam Yeah.

42:42 Drew Wait a minute.

42:43 Ben Stein I'm just, I don't probably get it. I'm saying people, I mean, or maybe, I think the best depiction is the parents having sex. That's the one that is the closest to that same kind of feeling, isn't it?

42:56 Drew Well, what did Freud say about this, Doctor?

42:59 Ben Stein Well, we can talk about it. We have to take a break right now.

43:00 Drew The greater the wish, the greater the taboo.

43:05 Adam All right, Adam, we're going to take a break here.

43:06 Ben Stein Let's get going, dude.

43:07 Adam All right, we'll take a break.

43:08 Ben Stein No, I mean, seriously, we're going to have to relax a bit here.

43:11 Drew Let's go ahead and take a break.

43:12 Adam Ben Stein.

43:13 Ben Stein We've got to do something during the break.

43:14 Adam Ben Stein. Drew's got to relieve a little pressure. Ben Stein here tonight, the mask, son of the mask, the Mask 2 is going to be out on the 18th of February. We'll take a quick break, be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Ben Stein here tonight. Got a little movie called Son of the Mask, which is out on February 18th, starring our good friend Jamie Kennedy. And we're just talking during the break. A little more politics while Ben ate some pizza. We're going to the phone call, Stro.

44:06 Ben Stein We have two minutes for Germany or Florida.

44:08 Adam Oh, really?

44:09 Ben Stein Yes.

44:09 Adam Oh, okay, let's do that. Let's do that. Dante? How's it going? Going good. It's time to play Germany or Florida. All bizarre stories emanate from either Germany or Florida. You tell us a story and then we guess. Is it Germany or Florida?

44:24 Caller Go ahead, Dante.

44:36 Adam Wow, that sucked. Go ahead, Dante.

44:39 Caller That was sweet.

44:41 Drew All right.

44:42 Caller A romantic night of love set a bed on fire and sent two teenagers to a hospital for treatment of burns and smoke inhalation. A 16-year-old girl took advantage of her mother's being out of town to invite her 18-year-old boyfriend to the family apartment. To enhance the atmosphere, the girl turned out the bedroom lights and placed lighted candles around her bed. As the evening progressed, the bed linens caught fire and the lovers' attempts to stamp out the flames only fanned them. Hurrying to carry a burning downfield duvet to the balcony off the living room, the naked teens managed not only to burn themselves, but also to drop bits of burning feathers and fabric on the hallway and living room furniture along the way, igniting more small fires. The mother arrived to find her bandaged daughter in a hospital and the apartment damaged by fire, smoke and water.

45:27 Ben Stein Germany or Florida?

45:28 Drew I'm going to guess Germany.

45:29 Ben Stein I'm thinking Germany too and I can't really tell why. Apartment?

45:32 Adam Florida, I don't have any real down. It's all that.

45:35 Ben Stein No down. Down is Germany.

45:36 Drew No down and also the fact that I think in Europe an awful lot of apartments have balconies.

45:41 Ben Stein Balcony, good. And then Florida is a balcony city, but America, you can't leave your 16 year old home alone.

45:46 Adam Hey, look, their comforters are all polyester and they don't know what a duvet is. A duvet covers it. A duvet is a racial slur.

45:55 Ben Stein And what Floridian has candles?

45:57 Drew Oh no, they have those scented candles.

45:59 Ben Stein In Florida?

46:00 Adam Yeah, because it smells.

46:02 Drew It sounds German.

46:03 Adam Typhoons blow the power wires down.

46:04 Ben Stein Oh, you're right.

46:06 Adam We're going to Germany. Everyone's going to Germany.

46:08 Drew We're all going.

46:08 Ben Stein I think we should go to Florida just to be different.

46:10 Adam Go to Florida. Does this story make it from Germany or maybe with the internet everything makes it because nothing leaves, we just go there.

46:17 Ben Stein Well, because people look for Germany or Florida on our behalf.

46:19 Adam All right.

46:20 Ben Stein I'll go Florida.

46:20 Adam Ben's going is beloved Germany. I'm going Germany. Well, by the way, I got a theory about giving them another bombing too, by the way. And I'm going to Germany as well. Drew's going Florida. Dante, is it Germany or Florida?

46:35 Caller It is Germany.

46:38 Adam Oh, well done. And you know, thank you, Dante, you'll get nothing. You know, the thing that's weird about Germany or Florida is a couple of teenagers getting it on, a candle starts a fire. All three of us agree it was Germany. Drew was a big enough man to raise the stakes a little and go Florida. That's good radio, Drew. But the point is, is why Germany and how come things have their own sort of flavor and isn't that what makes everyone, doesn't it make what human beings a little different than robots?

47:04 Ben Stein And you're profiling on them again. You're profiling.

47:06 Drew How dare you.

47:08 Ben Stein How dare you.

47:09 Drew Profiling works.

47:10 Adam How dare you.

47:11 Ben Stein How dare you.

47:11 Drew You're sensed.

47:12 Adam Yeah. Well, I'm always talking about profiling when we come back. All right, Ben Stein here tonight will take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

47:19 No, not the right. All right, guys, here's the deal.

47:23 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:26 Ben Stein One call is all you need to make.

47:28 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:29 Ben Stein 877-889-DATE.

47:58 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er. Ben Stein, our guest tonight. Son of the Mask. Ben always, oh, if you want to just talk to someone, Ben is one of the best guys to talk to.

48:16 Drew Well, God bless you.

48:17 Adam Well, he's got, you know, thinking about nice about Benny is that great intellect, which is fun too, but he doesn't judge. Does not judge. You know what I mean?

48:24 Drew Well, you know what they say, no too much to argue or to judge.

48:27 Adam Yeah. And the thing about Ben is he's like that older, he's not your older brother, he's your older brother's friend. He's cool, but he's a good student. He's got it all. Well, God bless you.

48:42 Drew I don't really, but God bless you. I'm the one who brings the pot.

48:47 Adam Yeah, maybe writes a term paper for you. Gives you a big mouth.

48:50 Ben Stein He's not afraid to profile either.

48:53 Drew I used to have these two girls from USC who worked for us. They would be messengers and so forth for my wife and me. And I would write their term papers for them.

49:01 Ben Stein What?

49:01 Drew They would, it was just hilarious. Yeah. All the time. Still very close friends. One of them married a really, really successful real estate developer. And she lives like a queen down in Balboa.

49:13 Adam Yeah, she didn't need those term papers. There you go. Yeah. Ben, Ben, you know, guy was writing speeches for Nixon and Ford. Be a pretty good guy to go ahead and put your term paper for you.

49:26 Turn a couple of phrases for you.

49:28 Adam We were, we were talking right before we went to break about profiling and how that's turned into a bad thing. I happen to like profiling. I like all forms of profiling.

49:38 Ben Stein Listen, that's what medicine is. It's basically profiling.

49:40 Drew That's what science is. That's what science is, is noticing certain phenomena. Are connected with other phenomena. I mean, that's science.

49:48 Ben Stein And your brain makes patterns out of them and you recognize the patterns when you see them.

49:51 Drew Absolutely, absolutely.

49:52 Adam And it's all really, as an organism, it's one of our oldest instincts. Yes. You know what I mean? It's the profiling between the dog that's wagging its tail and looking friendly and the dog that looks a little dicey and looks like it might take a piece out of your calf. You know what I mean? That's all you do. Now, does that mean this, like, it's like, look, you see, first off, you know, there's this whole thing like profiling has turned into sort of a bad word. I want people to profile. The FBI, they have profilers. When a kid gets abducted, they bring in the profiler. They all just don't start running in different directions.

50:30 Ben Stein Random.

50:31 Adam Yeah, randomly. Well, it could be, it could be an Asian woman in her 80s. It could be an American Indian man.

50:37 Ben Stein Could be an infant.

50:38 Adam Could be another infant that abducted the infant. No, they know it's a white guy.

50:43 Ben Stein And in the neighborhood.

50:44 Adam And they know he's in the neighborhood. And they know he had some relationship with the child. And they know he's between 34 and 46 years of age. And he has a family and he has a stable job and blah, blah, blah. They know all these things and that's where they begin looking. And the reason they look there is because 90 percent of the time it's true.

51:05 Drew Yeah. Well, that's why we had 9-11 was because people were opposed to profiling.

51:09 Adam Yes. And now the posties over at the ACLU are like suing Logan Airport because there's profiling. And here's the part. Here's all I want. I'm just tired. There's always going to be the ACLU posties complaining about everything, wanting to get the cross off the crest, want to do all, you know, they don't want to throw inmates, submit DNA samples. They're just lefty posties that are angry at their gay parents. I understand that. But here's the thing. Let's not cave in to the retarded pussy pressure.

51:40 Ben Stein The rest of us.

51:41 Adam When they say, we're accusing you airport security members of profiling, oh no, we weren't profiling. Yeah, we weren't profiling you. Keep your gay ass from blowing up next time it's on the plane, all right? So shut your pie hole and get back to hating your stepdad and molesting you in the basement. Would you? Let's take that rage and go ahead. You, yeah, why don't you hang out with your PETA buddies and take that rage that rage is meant for your parents and just steer it at your parents and stop steering it at society. Let us do our job. You do your job. You go Feng Shui apartments in West LA. We'll take care of the terrorists. Okay, you wusses? Please go get in your goddamn hybrids and head off to your, take a me day, would you? Let us handle the profiling. And yes, it is profiling. And believe me, that's what we do and that's what we should be doing. And making people scared to profile, police people profile. And I don't care what, I don't, and by the way, why is it okay? Why is it, oh, FBI profiler who's going to try to find an abducted child? Oh, that's good, that's good profiling. You profiling terrorists at the airport. Oh no, that's bad profiling. No, that's just, it's all profiling.

52:53 Drew Well, you know what they say. Have you seen the little piggies? It's all political piggies. I mean, it has to do with who has political power in the society. If people are courting the Arab American vote, they don't want to do profiling. If they're courting the African American vote, they don't want to do profiling. But profiling has real value. I mean, I think it's very, very silly not to use profiling, and it's not aimed at insulting any group. It's just aimed at preventing crime.

53:18 Adam Yeah, and by the way, you know, when it comes to, as the aforementioned child abduction, they don't go looking for Arab guys. They go looking for white guys in a certain age range. We earn that right to be profiled, unfortunately, by having almost exclusively white guys in this age range doing the abductions. That's all it is. You go ahead and do the lion's share of whatever kind of crime you're doing and you get to the top of that crime's profile list. That's the way it works.

53:52 Drew Can I point out something about profiling ethnicity? This is kind of interesting. At least I think it might not be. I was host of one of the inaugural balls. There were eight inaugural balls. And I was host to one of them.

54:04 Ben Stein You didn't invite us.

54:05 Drew Well, if I'm host next time when Jeb Bush wins or Mr. Giuliani wins, I will invite you.

54:11 Ben Stein Giuliani?

54:12 Drew Yeah, I think he'll probably be the candidate. Either he or Jeb Bush.

54:14 Ben Stein And you get behind Giuliani?

54:16 Drew I love him.

54:17 Ben Stein I love him.

54:17 Drew I think he's fabulous. But anyway.

54:19 Ben Stein So how about his buddy with the ball?

54:21 Drew Yeah. What's his name? Servix or something like that? Kurt?

54:25 Adam Kurt?

54:25 Drew Kurtzik or something? I forget his name. Anyway, I went to this ball, very, very lavish thing, lots and lots of very, very rich people. People so rich that they make Adam and you look poor, Drew.

54:38 Adam I mean, I'm literally a millionaire, Ben, but not a multi-millionaire.

54:42 Drew Yes, these are billionaires. I mean, we were sitting in a part of the room where it's all billionaires.

54:46 Adam Billionaires, it's like $10 million.

54:49 Drew I was, all right, all right. So at this party, we notice almost no African Americans. Okay, that's fine. If you have to pay tickets, people are allowed to come. Nobody's discriminated against. We go to the party after that that was called the Red, White, and Blue Heroes Ball, which is all servicemen wounded and maimed in Iraq and Afghanistan. There, there are a lot of African Americans. A lot of African Americans who fought and lost their legs or lost their eyesight or lost their ability to move. That's the only party I went to at the inauguration that had a lot of African Americans. And that sort of broke my heart.

55:24 Adam Yeah, it would be nice if more white guys got wounded. I agree.

55:28 Drew No, no, I mean, it would be not.

55:30 Adam Black guys at the rich party, I see.

55:32 Drew I know, it would be just nicer if there was some. What I find amazing is that black guys, especially ones who are like now in their 70s or 80s, went off to fight in World War II or Korea or Vietnam when when they came back, they were very badly mistreated. I spend some Saturdays and Sundays over at the VA hospital in Westwood. Really? Yes, I go over there and I bring them presents and treats and I bring pretty girls to meet them and so forth. And there are a lot of black guys there in that Veterans Hospital who came from small towns in Alabama or Georgia or Mississippi and fought in the Army and were wounded in the Army and still are carrying those wounds. And I think to myself they left the segregated society and went off and fought for this country and lost their lives, lost their mobility. And it's pretty goddamn impressive. It really really is. I mean you really tear up when you see them.

56:25 Ben Stein How do you think we would have improved this situation?

56:27 Drew This situation has improved unbelievably.

56:29 Ben Stein It's improving by itself.

56:30 Drew It's improved incredibly. I mean look, you guys are young. How old are you, Dr. Drew? Okay, I'm sixty. Adam, you I guess would be about thirty-nine?

56:38 Adam Forty.

56:38 Drew You're forty, okay. Pretty close. When I was a child growing up in Washington, DC., not Mississippi, not Alabama, Washington, DC.,

56:47 Ben Stein our nation's capital, by the way.

56:48 Drew Capital of the nation, as I like to say. In the Washington Post, big liberal newspaper, Glass Fight ads used to say, help wanted colored, help wanted white. Apartments colored, apartments white. Residential neighborhoods, real estate for sale, colored real estate for sale white. They would say in the ads, if a neighbor was restricted against Jews, they would say, convenient to churches. That meant Jews don't bother even looking at the house, you can't buy it. That was in Washington, DC when I was growing up. I'm not that old. It wasn't that long ago. I went to high school, to an elementary school, and part of my time in junior high school, racially segregated by law. The society has changed completely, completely. It's a miracle how it's changed.

57:32 Adam And was it tough being a Jew in that environment?

57:34 Drew It was fairly tough. I mean, I was... I lived in a fairly affluent neighborhood, and so that part wasn't bad. But there were kids who would call me an effing Jew, and we would have fights. And you know, something interesting, something you and makes me think of you and Jimmy. And this was in junior high in particular, and I started lifting weights and got very, very strong, and they stopped picking on me. I was about the strongest white guy in the class by ninth grade.

57:59 Adam Really?

58:00 Drew And they stopped picking on me. A very, very good lesson. But when I was in like eighth grade, I had a project for one of my classes, pick an occupation and write about why you'd like to be in that occupation. So my father was a super smart guy. I said to him, I think I'd like to work in advertising, could you help me write a little paper about what it's like in Madison Avenue? He said, well, you're not going to work in advertising. The big agencies don't take Jews. Wow. Okay, so that was 1958. Now they're largely Jewish, largely Italian. I said, all right, well, all right. Then I said, I love cars. Maybe I could work at General Motors or Ford. My father was friends with the chairman of General Motors. I said, maybe I could work at General Motors. No, General Motors doesn't take Jews. Well, that was not that long ago. I said, all right, how about, I said, I like banks because it's real clean and neat and it's not dirty. No, no, no Jews in the banks. Commercial, commercial banks didn't take Jews. Wow. Some investment banks and commercial banks didn't take Jews. Okay, that's totally changed. It's all open to everyone now. It's a miracle now.

59:02 Adam Wow.

59:03 Drew Wow. It's a whole different world.

59:04 Adam Yes. You can't not be a banker if you're Jewish now.

59:08 Ben Stein No, no, no.

59:08 Drew You know that?

59:09 Adam Yeah, right.

59:10 Ben Stein I did know that.

59:10 Drew You can do anything now. Anybody can do anything now.

59:13 Adam Yeah, that's my point. And I know, look, things still exist, some obstacles. I'll tell you the biggest obstacle, really, though, whatever color your skin is or whatever your religion is, being ugly, bigger obstacle than anything, being fat, bigger obstacle, and being poor.

59:32 Drew Being poor is an incredible obstacle.

59:34 Adam Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

59:35 Drew It sucks to be poor.

59:37 Adam Yes, and just being, and they've done plenty of tests with this, just being flat out unattractive. I mean, I've said this many times. My friends, single ones, that is, and Ben, would date just about any ethnicity as long as it was a beautiful woman. Who they would not date is a fat chick. So you got a fat white chick versus a beautiful Nubian princess. They're going right after the black chick. They're going after the Asian chick. They're going after the Hispanic. They're going, whoever, just not the fat white chick.

1:00:10 Drew But let's not get down to it. Isn't that a form of profiling? Because is it not true that A, it's just basically unattractive to see somebody as really grossly obese, but two, that there's something very often wrong with people in the head who are grossly obese. It's not just that they're grossly obese and that's not particularly attractive, but they don't tend to be quite right in the head.

1:00:33 Adam Right.

1:00:33 Ben Stein Well, there is people that are trauma survivors sometimes literally push people away by filling a large space and keeping people at a distance.

1:00:42 Drew I think that's a very good point.

1:00:43 Ben Stein And there is a-

1:00:44 Drew I better put away my piece of pizza now.

1:00:46 Ben Stein And there are genetic, there are genetic heritages. I mean, really what men are attracted to is health. That's symmetry and the skin coloration and hair. That's all about being attracted to those, collecting those genes. And so somebody who may have a genetic problem with weight would be less attractive to many men.

1:01:03 Drew Well, the symmetry part I think is amazing. I mean, if you see a woman who has regular, perfect symmetrical features, it is such an incredible turn on. I mean, I offer, because you showed me the picture of your wife before we went on the air. I've seen Adam's incredibly beautiful wife a number of times. My wife has perfectly symmetrical features. I mean, men love women with symmetrical features. There has to be something primal in the human brain saying they're going to give us better children.

1:01:31 Ben Stein Of course. That's what we're looking for. We're looking for fertility and genes.

1:01:34 Caller Yeah.

1:01:36 Adam I'm just looking for a better BJ.

1:01:37 Ben Stein I know.

1:01:39 Adam I don't want to reinvent the wheel.

1:01:40 Ben Stein Yeah. You're going to affect the basics.

1:01:42 Adam Gabby.

1:01:43 Caller Wait guys, I hate to interrupt here.

1:01:44 Adam Yes.

1:01:45 Caller But apparently we still have like large problems with housing discrimination according to our PSA that we play every night.

1:01:51 Adam Oh yeah. This is our favorite PSA. Ben, you didn't think the kind of housing discrimination still went on that goes on out there. But listen to this public service announcement they play on this show regularly. Play it Anderson.

1:02:05 Caller Hello, may I help you?

1:02:07 Caller Hello, can I ask a few questions about the apartment you have on Park Street?

1:02:10 Ben Stein What was your name?

1:02:11 My name is Juan Hernandez.

1:02:12 Ben Stein It's been rented.

1:02:13 Drew Oh, it's gone?

1:02:14 Adam Sounded Indian at the beginning.

1:02:15 Caller Hello, my name is Sanjay Kumar.

1:02:17 Drew I am calling about the apartment on Park Street.

1:02:19 Ben Stein It's not available.

1:02:20 Caller It's not available, but I just saw it in the paper.

1:02:23 Adam Every day.

1:02:24 Caller May I help you?

1:02:25 My name is Tyrone Washington.

1:02:27 Drew I'm calling about a place to rent on Park Street.

1:02:29 Caller No longer available.

1:02:30 Caller It's not available now.

1:02:31 Caller Can't rent an apartment. Okay. Here comes the man.

1:02:34 Caller Hello?

1:02:35 Caller Yes, hello. My name is Graham Wellington. I'm calling about the apartment on Park Street.

1:02:40 Adam Is that still available?

1:02:41 Ben Stein Yes, it is.

1:02:42 Caller Oh, it is?

1:02:42 Ben Stein Yes.

1:02:43 Caller Oh, really? I'd love to make an appointment.

1:02:45 Ben Stein Housing discrimination is illegal.

1:02:47 Adam Yeah, it's illegal. Anyone who lives in Los Angeles knows Mexicans can't get a apartment.

1:02:53 Drew That's hilarious. I live in one of the, well, I mean, I'm sure it's very modest compared to your house, but I live in one of the very nicest parts of Beverly Hills. There's every kind of ethnicity imaginable in my neighborhood.

1:03:05 Adam Imagine a Mexican or a black guy or an Indian trying to live in an apartment here in Los Angeles.

1:03:10 Ben Stein Impossible.

1:03:12 Adam They're forced to live in large manors.

1:03:15 Ben Stein In the street.

1:03:16 Adam In the street, I mean. Yes.

1:03:17 Ben Stein Or in the woods.

1:03:18 Adam Can't be done.

1:03:19 Ben Stein In the desert.

1:03:20 Drew I have a house out in Malibu. I mean, it's like a rainbow out there on my street. It's every kind of color you can imagine.

1:03:26 Ben Stein But the point is that if they're trying to rent a space, they're going to rent it to anybody as long as they're not going to destroy it.

1:03:30 Adam That's a lot. Here's the bottom line. There's a lot of people get a lot of mileage out of basically cultivating this racism thing, which exists, but not to the point that they'd like to make it seem. It's a business for them. It's a business for them and then they go ahead, I believe, and run this kind of crap, which just pisses off all the people that are depicted in it and makes them falsely think that we're living in a more racist environment than we actually are.

1:04:00 Drew I love your saying that because this was my main gripe against Al Gore in 2000, is when he was running, he was whipping up minorities and telling them they were being discriminated against, and when people would say to him, well, give us some concrete specific examples, he would say, oh, it's just in the air. It's so deeply ingrained. You don't need examples. It's just all over. It's in the psyche of the white man. And if you can't see it and can't smell it and touch it, it's not there. It's just not happening. And whatever is there compared to what was there a generation or two generations ago is nil.

1:04:35 Ben Stein My kids.

1:04:35 Adam And furthermore, hold on, when Kerry gave his concession speech, he did that BS. But don't worry. By the way, I always like this part where you make your concession speech, you just got whooped and your speeches, don't worry, I'm still on the job. It's like, look, buddy, you lost the game's over. How about hitting the showers and getting out of our face because we're tired of looking at your pie hole? It's like, don't worry, I'm still on the job. What job, by the way, don't have it.

1:05:02 Ben Stein You're out.

1:05:03 Adam Senator. But the point is, it's like as if he's running the country and he's like, anywhere there's a farmer that needs help, anywhere. And then he does this whole thing. There's a mother who can't get welfare for anywhere. There's a person of color that wonders why they're being treated differently. It's like, really? You got to shake that whole racist snow globe up again, you old F. It's not going on. Yeah, it exists. It exists again, again. Fat people, poor people, ugly people, short people. There's a form of sort of ism for just about everything. Let's face it, but go out, work hard, make some money, don't screw over anyone and you'll be fine in the society we have built, by the way. Why do we have to keep whipping that horse?

1:05:49 Drew Because there's votes in it and there's votes in stimulating people's paranoia. And there are a lot of people who cannot take responsibility for their own failures in life and would like to blame somebody else for it or blame racism for it. I mean, you know, I am the father of a very, very sweet teenage child and I hear him and his teenage friends talking all the time. It's very easy for them to place blame for things on their parents, place blame for things on the schools. It's not easy for them to accept blame for themselves. That is a, that's a teenager and that's fine. I mean, he's a wonderful kid and I love him. But for an adult, the age of Carrie to be doing that is ridiculous.

1:06:25 Ben Stein The other thing I think, the generations coming up, your kids, your child's age and my kid's age.

1:06:30 Drew But your kids are quite a bit younger.

1:06:31 Ben Stein They're 12, 13. But the idea of race, it's almost going away for them. They will know. Seriously. No, no, no, listen.

1:06:40 Drew I'm not sure about that.

1:06:41 Ben Stein But listen, they describe, they don't say this is that kind of person. They say, well, his skin's got kind of brown skin, and he's got kind of curly hair. Ben.

1:06:50 Drew I don't think so.

1:06:51 Ben Stein That's the way my kids and everybody.

1:06:53 Drew Your kids are a little different.

1:06:54 Adam Let them spend a weekend with Uncle Adam. I'll straighten them out.

1:06:57 Drew Let them spend a weekend with Tommy Stein and his friends because they really, they notice people's ethnicity very, very.

1:07:04 Adam I do flashcards. I do flashcards with my nephews.

1:07:07 Drew That too.

1:07:07 Adam I'll give them a quick Mexican flash, black guy. I'll just keep flashing.

1:07:11 Drew But Tommy doesn't discriminate against them. I mean, he has friends of every ethnicity, but believe me, he notices their ethnicity. He especially notices people from Middle Eastern ethnicity and has very strong feelings about them. Profiling.

1:07:23 Ben Stein Is that growing up in this world climate kind of thing?

1:07:26 Drew No, it's growing up in Beverly Hills. All right.

1:07:30 Adam Well, there you go. Let me just say one more thing before we get off this topic. Go back to whatever calls we might take tonight. The whole part where we have to sort of pay the price or make amends for what our forefathers did in terms of plantations and slaves and whatever. Japanese internment camps and all this kind of stuff. By the way, rounding up the Japanese, putting them somewhere for a couple of years and then letting them go. Not a great thing. Go on the Baton Death March. See which one you'd rather do.

1:08:02 Drew Or the Rape of Nen King.

1:08:03 Adam Yeah, there's another good one. The point is, I have two nephews, both born, both German. I mean, their father's from Germany. Should they be held responsible for what went on in World War II?

1:08:21 Ben Stein Those kids? Oh, absolutely.

1:08:22 Adam Yeah, that's my point.

1:08:24 Ben Stein Your nephews?

1:08:24 Adam Oh, yeah. My wife, both her parents were born in Italy. My family, one or two generations back, were born in Italy. We weren't here. We had no plantations, we had no slaves, we had no land. For Christ's sake, my dad doesn't even have any land. I'm the first guy who has any goddamn land in the Corolla family.

1:08:43 Ben Stein In this country, yeah.

1:08:44 Adam Yes, and my wife's parents are from Italy. They're born in Italy. Our kid will not have much history on this soil. Just like my nephews, they're German. Their father's from Germany. Should I blame them for what they did to the Jews?

1:08:59 Ben Stein We've established that, yes.

1:09:00 Adam Yeah, I know. Let's just look. We weren't here. Most everyone, look around. Look around Los Angeles. These people weren't here. You know what I mean?

1:09:08 Drew They could be right. Even if their ancestors were there, I mean, it's really just not, there's no sense in blaming a great, great grandchild or great, great granddaughter for something done by her, by her ancestors, especially if it was perfectly legal at the time. I mean, slavery was a moral horror show, a horror show, but it was legal. So, yeah.

1:09:31 Adam Now look, there's no, no sense in doing it, but I'm just saying good luck finding. Go ask around. See if you can find one of your buddies who's great, great, great, whoever, raised tobacco in Kentucky. You're just going to have, you can do it. I can't do it all. Drew's family are all Polox and what's, you don't even know where they were.

1:09:49 Ben Stein Russians.

1:09:49 Drew But my wife's family, you could do it.

1:09:51 Adam All right. Well, they're good. She should take, she should, she should, she should take a good racial beating then. Leave me alone. Gabby?

1:10:00 Caller Yeah.

1:10:00 Adam You're 16?

1:10:01 Caller Yeah.

1:10:02 Adam What's up?

1:10:04 Caller I was, actually I have two questions. One was, I was wondering how Ben Stein got started on the whole acting thing from speech writing. And also, I'll get to the other one later.

1:10:16 Drew Okay. The first answer is I came out here. I was a screenwriter and a novelist and a producer for a while. And I met a very wonderful man named Michael Chinich, who was a high executive in the casting world. He was a deputy head of production for Universal. He was my friend. He thought I was funny. He put me in a movie called The Wildlife, which was a sequel to Fast Times Ridgemont High. I had a small part, nobody noticed it. Then he went to work for John Hughes. And John Hughes, and he put me in Ferris Bueller. I ad-libbed those scenes in Ferris Bueller. They were a huge hit and a very successful movie. And I worked consistently after that.

1:10:53 Adam So it was really a Ferris Bueller launching pad.

1:10:56 Drew And it was all ad-libbed. It was not one word if it was written.

1:10:59 Adam What did they want you to do?

1:11:00 Drew They wanted me to play a teacher. John, you said, I know you're a teacher at Pepperdine in real life. And would you just teach a class about something that's interesting to you? And he was smart enough to know that even with my monotone voice, that even if it was interesting to me, it would come out sounding boring. So that I did that little speech about the supply side economics and voodoo economics. And when the cast and crew applauded when I was done, I thought, oh, cause they're so happy to have learned something about economics. My father saw it, he was a famous economist. He said, oh my god, you really explained that well. That must be why people like the scene. But anyway, so then I worked on The Wonder Years for three years. And then we had the game show and then I concurrently had the talk show. And then Star Search. And now I hardly do any acting, but I do a huge amount of public speaking. I love doing it.

1:11:52 Adam All right. Good question.

1:11:53 Drew She had a second question.

1:11:54 Adam Yeah, but she couldn't come up with it. Gabby, did you come up with your second question? Ironic if someone named Gabby couldn't come up with her second question.

1:12:01 Caller Go ahead.

1:12:03 Caller It was actually for you. Back in the day, when you would come on as a guest speaker, as Mr. Birchham on Kevin and Bean, you came on one day and you were talking about like all the world religions and you decided to come up with your own called Birchhamism.

1:12:22 Adam I did.

1:12:23 Caller I was wondering if you remember any of that.

1:12:25 Adam No. But thanks.

1:12:28 Ben Stein Ask him if he remembers anything you said 25 minutes ago.

1:12:30 Adam No, I don't remember anything I said.

1:12:32 Caller I just want to mention to Ben Stein that Thursday Off is my favorite movie of all time. So you rule. You are a god in my mind.

1:12:41 Drew Well, God bless you. God bless you. Where do you live, Gabby?

1:12:43 Caller I live in Berkeley, but I used to live in North Hollywood, Van Nuys area.

1:12:48 Ben Stein I drove through that today. Oh, Adam, I felt so bad for you.

1:12:51 Adam Yeah.

1:12:52 Ben Stein I drove all the way to LA from Sunland.

1:12:54 Adam I should sue my parents.

1:12:55 Ben Stein All right.

1:12:56 Adam We need to take a break.

1:12:57 Drew Thank you, Gabby.

1:12:57 Adam The great Ben Stein, the inspirational Ben Stein in the studio tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:13:05 Hello. This is Loveline.

1:13:18 Adam Hey, buddy, it's the Love Line, man. That's Dr. Drew Benstein. The great mind of Benstein is in here tonight. Son of the Mask, name of his latest movie, which is coming out February 18th. Ben, how many movies have you done? Do you know?

1:13:34 Drew About maybe 20.

1:13:36 Adam That's nice.

1:13:37 Drew Maybe 25. And I've been in a lot of movies, but nobody asked me much to be in movies anymore. It kind of hurts my feelings, but there it is.

1:13:44 Adam Do they, and it seems, you know, it's not like you're a, you know, blonde starlet or something.

1:13:50 Drew No, but I think I'm a character part, though. They shouldn't be able to use to be a teacher or a lawyer. That's what I'm saying.

1:13:56 Adam I'm saying, you don't, you know, you don't hit 40 and the phone stops ringing. You should just, we should work well past the grave. Past the grave, I say.

1:14:04 Drew I get it. I get it.

1:14:05 Adam From and past.

1:14:06 Drew I get it. I think I should be working all the time. I do work all the time giving speeches, but I think I should be acting all the time. And I think my agents are very culpable in this respect.

1:14:14 Ben Stein Where do you give speeches?

1:14:16 Adam I give speeches to his agents about acting.

1:14:19 Drew Last week I spoke in Wichita Falls, Midwestern University, which is a university in Wichita Falls.

1:14:25 Ben Stein So you do the college circuit?

1:14:26 Drew I partly that, and then also to a fundraiser for a drug and alcoholism center in Naples, Florida, called the David Lawrence Center. Incredibly, unbelievably great, great place. I spent a lot of time at it. I loved it. Nice.

1:14:39 Ben Stein Florida's got a lot of good programs, a lot of good programs.

1:14:42 Drew I love Naples. Have you ever been to Naples?

1:14:44 Ben Stein I've heard of it. It's fabulous.

1:14:45 Drew Have you ever been there, Adam?

1:14:46 Adam Naples, Florida?

1:14:47 Drew Yes.

1:14:48 Adam No.

1:14:48 Drew It's really nice.

1:14:49 Adam See, the way I said that is if I'd been to Naples, Italy.

1:14:52 Ben Stein You mean Naples?

1:14:53 Adam Naples, Florida. No, have not been.

1:14:55 Ben Stein Naples, Italy?

1:14:56 Adam No.

1:14:57 Ben Stein Okay.

1:14:57 Adam I've been. Anyplace with Naples, anything?

1:15:00 Ben Stein No.

1:15:00 Adam Not been there. But now you go out and do the, now who do you speak to when you do the college, or in what topic do you speak on?

1:15:08 Drew I usually speak about, I think I'm catching your cough, by the way, Dr. Drew.

1:15:12 Ben Stein I shouldn't be contagious.

1:15:14 Adam Sure.

1:15:15 Drew Anyway, I speak about why we should be grateful to be Americans.

1:15:19 Adam Nice.

1:15:19 Drew I speak about how to ruin your life. I wrote a book inspired by certain teenagers and I know quite well, called How to Ruin Your Life. And I talk about that. And I talk about how to find yourself and how to avoid addiction. And how to bring yourself out in life so that you're a happy, grateful, hard-working person.

1:15:40 Ben Stein Ben actually read my book, Adam. Oh, really?

1:15:42 Drew I read it and reviewed it.

1:15:43 Ben Stein You wrote a book.

1:15:44 Drew I wrote a kind review of it. And I wrote a book. I'll tell you what I talked to. I talked to a lot of business groups. And what I like to talk about these days is if you watch the news, life in America is unreliably bleak, racist, exploitation, gender discrimination, everything bad, the rich screwing the poor. If you watch the commercials, everything's great. Right. And I think the commercials have it right. Life in America is effing great. It's absolutely great. And it's incredibly great. Day by day life on the street in America, at least on my street, is unbelievably great.

1:16:20 Ben Stein Beverly Hills have been great.

1:16:21 Drew It's really, really great.

1:16:22 Ben Stein Right.

1:16:23 Drew Well, life, look, I didn't always live in Beverly Hills. I did not always live in Beverly Hills. And I lived in a very modest part of Hollywood for quite a long time. And it was great there, too. And life in America is just great.

1:16:35 Ben Stein It's just great. Well, it seems like, we, Adam, I talk about this all the time. We sort of were adolescents in the 70s. And we, in as adolescents, you really absorb what's going on in a society. And that seemed like an awful time to be young and be-

1:16:47 Drew But what about that? But wait a minute. Wait a minute. But that's when the wonder years was going on, was in the early 70s. Those people were very happy.

1:16:54 Adam Yeah, come on.

1:16:55 Ben Stein Yeah, but-

1:16:56 Drew So come on. Which is real and which is not.

1:16:59 Ben Stein The commercials are real, not the sitcoms.

1:17:02 Adam Here's what I want to say. And look, if you're going to be miserable, you're going to be miserable, rich or poor, black or white.

1:17:08 Drew Boy, are you right.

1:17:10 Adam You are so right. I'll tell you, Ben's point of being grateful, people that are grateful are happier people. You don't think about that part as being a component to happiness. It's a huge component to being happy, is to be grateful and to appreciate your health, your job, your family, whatever. But I said to Drew the last few nights driving home, never a better time to be poor than right now in this country.

1:17:34 Drew You're not kidding. Poor in this country is rich compared to anywhere else in the world.

1:17:38 Adam And go to Circuit City, go to the Price Club, see what you can pick a 27-inch flat screen Sony TV out. I don't mean plasma. I just mean the regular flat box TV, 27-inch, $189. Get the DVD player for $39. We'll get the surround sound for another $185.

1:18:00 Ben Stein $800 or something. But the minimum wage was $165 an hour.

1:18:04 Drew In America, more than 50% of the families are classified as poor have two cars. There are almost no families in America that do not have at least two-color TVs. There are almost no families in America that do not have air conditioning. There are almost no families in America that do not have indoor plumbing. That's pretty amazing. That is an incredible change from even when I was a child, there used to be an African-American neighborhood behind our junior high school. It was just incredible slums, just unbelievable misery. That doesn't exist anymore. I mean, that's just not there.

1:18:37 Adam No, I mean, you're poor now, but you have central air and a DVD player and surround sound and two cars.

1:18:44 Drew Exactly.

1:18:45 Adam All right. How bad can it be? Drew, if that's poor, sign me up. Sign me up. All right. Let's keep rocking here.

1:18:54 Caller Let's keep rocking.

1:18:55 Drew Keep on rocking in the free world, keep on rocking in the free world.

1:19:00 Adam A hundred and fifteen minute on hold, Amanda, who's twenty one. Amanda?

1:19:06 Caller Yes, I...

1:19:07 Ben Stein Sorry, sorry, man, you called at night when Adam decided not to take any calls.

1:19:10 Adam Well, Ben stimulates me.

1:19:12 Caller No, no, that's okay. I'm dealing with this.

1:19:14 Adam I'm dealing with this foot right now.

1:19:16 Ben Stein Yeah, he's working on it.

1:19:17 Caller Go ahead. Well, the reason I'm calling is because my boyfriend of almost four years has a pretty bad gambling problem. And it's kind of off and on. And he kind of comes to me when he's ready to be done with it for a while, when he's kind of taking a bad hit and he's asked me many times, you know, to be there to support him and help him through it and everything. And this actually just happened again recently. I want to know what I can do to help keep him away from that. Nothing.

1:19:48 Ben Stein Nothing she can do.

1:19:50 Drew Ah, very good, very good.

1:19:52 Ben Stein He has to want to get better. You can refer him to places where he can get help, but you can't change him. It's not going to be about you lassoing him and tying him up, sticking him in the closet. That is not going to change his behavior. There are wonderful 12-step meetings out there. You can go to a codependency meeting. And in fact, in my experience, the one thing that seems to have the most significant impact on the identified person turning things around or becoming willing to do change, to engage in a process, is you going to a 12-step meeting, working a codependency program, getting a sponsor, and actually working on your own issues. So you don't dance with him and don't sort of engage in this procedure where he goes out and does his thing and you try to control it. That is a dance that will never be successful.

1:20:33 Adam I have, I don't know a lot about gambling. I've learned from our government that gambling is evil, but lottery, that's fine. That's perfectly fine because that's the ultimate gambling. It's the gambling and it's purest expression. There's nobody can win and there's no chances of anything and there's zero strategy. I also know that 21 is evil, but Pygow Poker, for instance, that's fine.

1:20:58 Ben Stein And the slot machines? Bad.

1:21:00 Adam Well, betting on, you can't bet on basketball, but betting on horses, that's fine. Football?

1:21:06 Ben Stein No.

1:21:07 Adam No, that's bad.

1:21:08 Ben Stein Horses?

1:21:08 Adam For obvious reasons. Horses, yes. That's a very consistent, positive message to send.

1:21:14 Ben Stein Logical?

1:21:15 Adam Logical and consistent message. Of course, of course. The lottery, please. When I see, and only poor people buy lottery tickets.

1:21:24 Drew Oh, that's not true, Adam. I see a lot of well-to-do people buying lottery tickets.

1:21:28 Adam A handful. For them, it's just...

1:21:31 Ben Stein Gave her the change.

1:21:32 Adam Yeah, they're just losing change. For poor people, it's a viable way out in their mind. And by the way, think about the horrible message that the lottery sends to all the nations poor who play it every week, which is, you got no shot unless you can line up this nine digit number. Forget about hard work, forget about school, forget about where, you ain't going anywhere. You got one shot. It's one in, you know, 50 million, but you got one shot to get out of this hell hole known as a life. That's what the lottery says.

1:22:04 Drew Wait a minute, I don't think it says hell hole known as a life.

1:22:07 Adam Listen, I would love to see some numbers on who plays the lottery consistently. I guarantee it's people living under the poverty line. And it's, it's, it's a, I think the lottery is a horrible message that the government sends to its people.

1:22:22 Ben Stein But Amanda, let me get back to the gambler.

1:22:23 Adam I don't care.

1:22:23 Ben Stein Gambler's anonymous is where he goes. He may well be addicted to other substances. That's commonly an issue with gamblers if he wants to perhaps work on his alcoholism or other issues. I usually think that's a better way to go personally unless gambling is the pure issue with him. He's never been addicted to other substances.

1:22:39 Adam And gambling will ruin you.

1:22:42 Ben Stein Just the way heroin can. Just the way heroin can.

1:22:44 Adam Oh, faster.

1:22:45 Drew I have some friends who are compulsive gamblers who have lost so much. It's just unbelievable.

1:22:50 Adam Yeah. And talk about ruining relationships and all that great stuff you do when it's drugs, you know, selling the jewelry, breaking in your parents' house, except for in this case, you actually have guys showing up to your house and threatening you too.

1:23:03 Drew And you have guys taking your house.

1:23:05 Adam Yeah. I was just watching like Real Sports at Brian Gumbel's show, and they had a story about a guy who was gambling, addicted to gambling, and he had the greatest losing story ever, which was he took a baseball game, he took a Mets playoff game, and he took the over, the over-under was like eight runs, eight runs to be scored in this game, and if eight or more runs cross the plate combined in this game, or one team just scores ten, who cares, he wins his 25 grand, if not, he loses. Okay. Now it's 3-3, it's in the 15th inning, the bases are loaded, now he's got six runs, he needs eight to win his 25 grand, the bases are loaded. Now, if the guy hits a double or single or anything, one run crosses the plate, but the game's over. So that's only seven. The only thing that can save him is a home run.

1:24:07 Ben Stein Grand slam, yeah.

1:24:08 Adam Is a grand slam. So, bases loaded, 15th inning, he's got to get eight runs to win 25,000 bucks, the guy at the plate hammers a grand slam. He goes out of his mind, he's celebrating. The guy, as he's running down the first baseline, gets mobbed by his teammates. Never turns the corner to go to second. They only count the one run that came in from third. What? Yes. The grand slam doesn't count. He never rounded the bases. It was a playoff game and they mobbed him. The one run's good enough for the win, that rumps just call the win, and everyone just sort of piles in. And that's it. So his book, now he scored seven runs, not eight.

1:24:50 Ben Stein Oh my gosh.

1:24:52 Adam And they're like, hey, pay up. Somebody paid on the under. You know what I mean? Someone wants to, we got to pay the guy who bet the under on this game. Imagine that.

1:25:00 Ben Stein That's crazy. That's a good reason not to gamble right there.

1:25:03 Drew You know, I don't think I'm going to be a gambling addict. Just your saying that is giving me a cold. Yeah, me too.

1:25:08 Adam I mean, imagine, you see the guy hits the grand slam, you're running around the house like a maniac celebrating. You run back into the room, they show the scoreboard, it's four to three. And you're screaming, what's going on? What, where's that? Where's the other runs? Imagine that.

1:25:24 Drew I don't like it.

1:25:25 Adam All right, yeah, makes me nervous. All right, Ben Stein here tonight. We'll take a quick break. Son of the Mask gonna be out on February 18th in theaters near you. We'll take a quick break, be right back after this.

1:25:39 Love line will be right back.

1:25:40 Caller So get your problems ready, ready, ready.

1:26:00 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew over there. Ben Stein. Money, his friend's calling.

1:26:10 Drew No, you're the rich one. You and Dr. Drew and Jimmy are the rich ones. I am the poor cousin.

1:26:15 Adam I'm I'm literally a millionaire. How did it work, by the way, with Ben Stein's money? If you did not on the rare occasion that you didn't win. And that was very rare.

1:26:25 Drew No, no, it was about 25 percent of the time. All right, I'm maybe 10 percent.

1:26:30 Adam I'm calling that rare. What would you walk away with?

1:26:34 Drew In the first season, almost nothing, like maybe $1500, but by the end of it, maybe $4000.

1:26:42 Adam So you got something, but you could double your salary by winning at the end.

1:26:47 Drew Yes, that's a good incentive.

1:26:48 Adam And how much, do you know how much they gave away over the four seasons?

1:26:52 Drew Over a million dollars.

1:26:53 Ben Stein Wow, wow.

1:26:54 Adam And that's five?

1:26:55 Drew No, there are six seasons.

1:26:58 Adam Six seasons, but it was five grand at a time, right?

1:27:00 Drew Right, and we made a total of about 900 shows.

1:27:04 Ben Stein Oh my God.

1:27:05 Drew And so it was well over a million dollars. Wow.

1:27:10 Adam Yeah, oh yeah. You ready to go here, Drew? Brett?

1:27:14 Yeah.

1:27:15 Adam You're 18? Yep. You want to be a speechwriter?

1:27:21 Caller Kind of. I kind of want to do what you're doing, but you know, kind of be a talk show radio guy.

1:27:28 Ben Stein I can see where a Gabby talker like Brett would be interested in that sort of profession.

1:27:33 Adam I can't believe no one's gobbled you up yet.

1:27:36 Ben Stein Or maybe an auctioneer. An auctioneer would be another thing you could consider.

1:27:39 Adam What things do you like to talk about, Brett?

1:27:42 Caller Pretty much, like, I actually don't know everything you guys said. I quit.

1:27:47 Caller You gotta let him and Brett and Chris do a segment.

1:27:49 Adam Yeah.

1:27:51 Caller Yeah, me and my roommate were actually just kind of discussing everything you guys were discussing. Going back and forth and it's something we could do, you know.

1:28:01 Drew Where are you in school?

1:28:02 Caller Oh my God. I'm actually not going to school right now.

1:28:06 Ben Stein Well, right now. Right now is a sort of a clue.

1:28:10 Adam Right now is always a bad sign.

1:28:11 Ben Stein Yeah.

1:28:12 Caller Kind of like what you guys were talking about yesterday. I'm going to go to a junior college.

1:28:16 Adam Oh boy.

1:28:17 Caller Take some telecom classes.

1:28:18 Adam That is a waste of time. Why do you say that? Junior college. That is a waste. I went to junior college. Look, here's the thing. If you were a decent student, you and the faculty of your high school would have figured it out by about 16 or 17.

1:28:37 Caller I was a student of a college.

1:28:40 Adam Here's why you're not a good student. You don't like to study. No. Reading comprehension skills may not be great. Math skills may not be great. All these things put together create a big ball of bad studentry and that is you. So why keep this charade going any longer than it should?

1:28:59 Drew Well, what does he do? What does he do, Adam?

1:29:01 Adam He goes to work. He learns how to do something. You know, Junior College, it would be essentially, you know what it is? It's like, I do really think this is why everyone loves sports. But not love sports is attracted, intrinsically attracted to sports because it cuts the fat. I don't care if your dad owns the team, you don't get to play. Doesn't matter what, it really doesn't matter who you know, how rich you are or anything. If you're not good enough to play, you got to go home. And I think people really love knowing that everybody on that field is better than you are. Whereas junior college, it's got the word college in it, yet doesn't matter how bad your grades are. You can stay there for a thousand years, no one cares. And so it gives people an excuse. It's like, I'm going to college, I'm going to college, but they're not college material.

1:29:56 Drew But one of my son's very closest friends went to Santa Monica College, which is a junior college. And now he's pre-med, and he's a junior at UCLA. He's getting super good grades, and he's going to be a doctor. And he's a-

1:30:08 Adam What's his ethnicity? I may make an excuse for him.

1:30:11 Drew Jewish.

1:30:12 Adam Jewish? Oh, Jewish at junior college. His parents, did they go-

1:30:15 Drew Well, he was admitted to UC Santa Cruz, but his parents did not want him going far away from home.

1:30:21 Adam Oh, well, because he'd gotten into trouble.

1:30:23 Drew No, no, he's a good kid. He's an incredibly good kid. He's the very, very good influence on our son.

1:30:28 Adam All right, well, once in a while, there's the rare Jew that sort of gets loses his way and leaves the flock and wanders into junior college. He quickly gets out and corrects, corrects his course. But not for most. It's just it's basically a whirlpool that just leads into some sort of abyss that they never can get out of.

1:30:49 Ben Stein I think this one call has been a hold for 127 minutes.

1:30:52 Adam What a wonderful person. 100 hours in it. 100 minutes in an hour. Sure.

1:31:00 Ben Stein Ben, she's from your favorite state. She's from Texas.

1:31:02 Adam Hour 27 minutes. Okay, go ahead, Lacey.

1:31:05 Ben Stein Oh, she's awake.

1:31:07 Adam What's happening?

1:31:08 Oh, um.

1:31:10 Ben Stein Gotta wake up there. Wake up.

1:31:14 Adam Call before the show started.

1:31:15 Talk to Ben Stein.

1:31:18 Drew What's your name?

1:31:20 Uh, Lacey.

1:31:21 Drew Where are you from, Lacey?

1:31:23 Texas.

1:31:24 Drew Where?

1:31:25 Caller Where?

1:31:26 Drew Where in Texas?

1:31:29 Adam Where in Texas?

1:31:29 Caller I don't know if I want to say. I'm afraid somebody will figure out the way.

1:31:32 Adam Let me ask you this. Are you one of the ladies that didn't give Ben Stein a laugh dance the other week when he was out there?

1:31:40 Caller No.

1:31:42 Adam So you did give Ben Stein.

1:31:45 Drew Are you in Archer City?

1:31:47 Caller No.

1:31:48 Drew Are you anywhere near Wichita Falls?

1:31:51 Caller No.

1:31:52 Drew Okay.

1:31:52 Adam All right, Lacey. Do you have a question for Ben?

1:31:57 Caller Well, I guess I still just have what I called in with.

1:32:01 Drew All right.

1:32:01 Adam Go ahead.

1:32:03 Caller Okay. Well, it just seems to me that it's kind of like, I don't know if it's me or...

1:32:12 Ben Stein You're fat.

1:32:13 Adam Drew, please, go ahead.

1:32:16 Ben Stein We have 30 seconds, Lacey, in the show.

1:32:17 Adam Skinny chicks don't stand hold for 127 minutes.

1:32:20 Drew Okay, come on, Lacey, spit it out. What is it?

1:32:23 Caller Oh.

1:32:25 Ben Stein 25 seconds.

1:32:27 Caller Oh, now I don't know.

1:32:29 Ben Stein 20 seconds.

1:32:32 Adam 18 seconds. Uh, 15 seconds.

1:32:42 Drew And Lacey, why did you call?

1:32:44 Ben Stein Why did you wait for two hours if you weren't gonna talk?

1:32:46 Drew Because she wanted to say how much she likes me.

1:32:48 Adam I think she... Drew, you broke her.

1:32:53 Ben Stein There you go.

1:32:54 Adam You broke her spirit.

1:32:55 Ben Stein Sorry about that.

1:32:56 Adam She called and she stayed on hold for two hours and seven minutes, and then when she called, she was so tapped out that she couldn't go one round.

1:33:04 Drew Well, I think she'd been, maybe she'd been smoking.

1:33:06 Adam She, she, well, and, but to be fair, where she is, it's like eight in the morning.

1:33:11 Drew No, no, no. It's three in the morning.

1:33:13 Ben Stein It's two in the morning.

1:33:14 Adam Whatever it is. We'll take a quick break. Because Texas has like 15 time zones, doesn't it? Ben Stein here tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Ah man, where does the time go?

1:34:09 Ben Stein It was fun.

1:34:09 Adam Yeah. Ben Stein, come back more often.

1:34:13 Drew I love being here. I'll be honored to come back more often.

1:34:15 Adam Son of the Mask, everyone. February 18th, out in theaters. All right.

1:34:20 Ben Stein You gotta bring the guy, the, was it an officer from Iraq?

1:34:24 Adam Yeah.

1:34:24 Drew Oh, yeah, Corporal Quinones.

1:34:26 Adam Yeah.

1:34:27 Drew Might bring him back very soon.

1:34:28 Adam Air Cavalry drives a half track. We'll take a 22-hour extended break. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, One, mahalo.

1:34:37 Ben Stein And two, close but not quite as intense, but very elderly having sex.

1:34:41 Adam Yeah.

1:34:41 Drew Those are those- Wait a minute.

1:34:43 Ben Stein Very elderly. I'm just, I don't probably- How dare you attack men.

1:34:48 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:34:52 Caller The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:35:02 Adam Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, February 1, 2005