Episode 1000677930847

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:14 Voiceover This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:21 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, board certified physician.

1:29 Dish-bag-bag-body-body-bow.

1:33 Adam Oh.

1:34 Yeah.

1:35 Drew Hey, but good times.

1:36 Yeah. I got my car tonight.

1:38 Drew Your car that was broken down in the highway last night?

1:40 Adam No. That car was towed. Yeah.

1:44 Drew By you, not by the gas station owner?

1:45 Adam No, no. I had it towed to the dealer. And, you know, the thing about the, well, we're not sure when we're going to be there kind of thing. Guys like, yeah, could be there anywhere in the next hour and called back four minutes later.

1:59 The guy's there.

2:01 Adam I'm still, I'm in my underpants. You know what I mean?

2:05 Drew That's got to be the only thing in life where that could happen.

2:07 Adam Yeah. It just, it happens in that he's there because you're not there. If you've gotten there immediately, it would have been, you know, at least the full hour they said it was going to take. But driving another rig and I got in my car, had the gas gauge on, the light on the gas gauge. We've spoken about this before, but it said, you got 33 miles. I was like, all right, I think I can make it into work at 33. Because once you commit to the freeway in LA., now you're on the freeway.

2:38 Drew As you described last night, if you get off.

2:42 Adam Yeah, you're like the movie Judgment Night. You're going to get off, it's going to be a bad neighborhood in the middle of the night. So here's the thing, once you commit to the freeway, you got to get to where you're going. So, all right, I'm going to commit to the freeway, but it went from 33 down to 28 miles and about 80 feet. You know, that's the other one that makes you freak out a little bit. It's like five miles. That was 85 feet. So then you start driving a little ways longer, you back up to 33. Now, when I'm pulling off the freeway at the radio station, I'm now up to 37.

3:17 Drew And you've driven 20 miles.

3:18 Adam Yeah. That's my point with this device.

3:22 It's actually, you know what it is?

3:24 Adam It's like a compass that doesn't point to the north. It's sort of, it's worse than not having a compass. You'd better off with no gauge and you'll chance it or you won't. When it tells you, oh, you only got 11, up you're back up to 26, it's worse.

3:40 Drew At least you could undershoot and just commit.

3:43 Yeah.

3:43 Drew Go ahead and be conservative and stay there, but you're still going back up and you're getting ballsy.

3:46 Adam You know what else it does? I got this one too. I think it's in the same car.

3:50 It gets down to about 13, then it flat lines. And that's where it freaks you out.

3:54 Cause you buzz along the free walk.

3:55 I got 13, it's like, get the paddles out, get the crash guard. We're flat lining.

4:01 Adam Now, what's this mean now? This is like when that dealer at the blackjack table does the, I'm out, I'm gone. Like, I'm not going to be responsible anymore.

4:09 And I'm like, we had 13 miles, eight feet ago. Why?

4:13 Adam We're now, we're flat.

4:14 Drew Zero?

4:14 Adam Yeah, now I'm freaking.

4:15 Drew And by the way, it doesn't say zero. It just says dot, dot, dot.

4:18 It just flat lines.

4:20 Adam Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. I don't know, I don't know what I would pay. What would you pay, Drew? What would you pay as an extra in a car? If you had a one gallon reserve, one gallon, and it's just one gallon, you knew.

4:35 Drew Some car, Jack Ward's used to have two tanks. Remember that?

4:38 Adam That two, yeah, I think you could fill it from both sides. And maybe they did have two tanks. And trucks would have two tanks. But I mean, just one gallon.

4:45 Drew Yeah, because you wouldn't want two tanks, because you'd take that one all the way down too.

4:48 Adam Yeah, which is, that's the whole thing. You can't have just five gallons or just a separate tank or split.

4:53 Drew No, it's an emergency tank.

4:54 Adam This is one gallon. You're going to get 20 miles with this.

4:59 Drew And it needs to have some, you know, I pay a lot for that. There needs to be some engagement process that's a pain, because you don't want to just be doing that all the time.

5:07 Adam Yeah.

5:07 Drew It's going to be like the space-saving tire.

5:09 Adam No, you have to shove garden hose into the other one and start it like a siphon, like a World War II tank mechanic. Suck and spit it into it. I don't know what it is, but the point is, is when you flip this switch, you now officially have one gallon.

5:24 Except for, it wouldn't work that way for me, because I wouldn't fill the small tank.

5:27 Adam I would have nothing in there.

5:29 No, but the small tank gets filled when you fill the big tank.

5:32 Adam Automatically.

5:33 Then it cuts it off. That's it.

5:34 Adam It's no monkeying around, none of this hypothetical. 33 when I leave the house, 37 when I get here.

5:40 Drew And all that has to happen is you get a light that comes on, and so your tank is engaged.

5:45 Right.

5:46 Adam And that's it.

5:46 Drew The countdown begins.

5:47 That's right.

5:48 Adam And, hatch open! And the thing is, it's none of that, well you're going uphill, you have 35 miles, you're going downhill, you've got 9 miles.

5:57 And, by the way, they can't figure that one out.

6:00 Did 2005, can't figure out that part.

6:03 Adam Hey, the car's on the streets of San Francisco, you got zero mileage, you're going the other direction, you got 800 miles.

6:10 Can't work that little baby out? Nothing?

6:12 Adam Alright, anyway. I'm telling you, worse than not having one.

6:17 Thank you.

6:18 Adam Alright.

6:19 You ready to go? Yeah, we go. Deirdre?

6:22 Yes.

6:24 Deirdre?

6:25 Drew Deirdre?

6:26 Adam Deirdre?

6:28 Deirdre?

6:30 Deirdre? Deirdre.

6:32 There she is.

6:33 There we are. What's your name?

6:35 My name is Deirdre.

6:37 Deirdre.

6:37 Drew Alright.

6:37 Adam What's happening?

6:39 Okay.

6:40 Me and my boyfriend had a discussion last night, and I had mentioned about how I thought that women release solid waste right before they have birth, before they give birth to a baby.

6:52 Drew Releasing solid waste. I mean, like, you take a big can of last night's meals and dump it over the edge of the...

6:58 Solid waste.

7:00 Drew I mean, they crap themselves?

7:02 Well, I mean, right after you're already in labor and everything, when you're laying up with your legs open, fixing to have the baby...

7:09 Drew Well, think about it, Deirdre. There's a bowling ball coming through your vaginal canal. It makes little sense you might squeeze something out there that you didn't intend to.

7:17 Adam How often does that happen? Pretty frequently.

7:20 Drew I think they do a lot. I'm not an obstetrician, but they used to certainly at the county hospitals where I do a fair amount of...

7:26 Adam Evacuation going on before?

7:28 Drew Dual deliveries. No, no.

7:29 Oh, really? Well, they're both black.

7:35 Adam So does it happen?

7:36 Drew Actually, it wasn't... No, no, no. Brown, no.

7:38 Okay. Please.

7:41 Drew Go ahead. I think they do a lot of animating and that kind of clearing things out to just prevent that kind of thing.

7:46 Well, my husband said that for my... I'm 21.

7:49 So 21 years ago, that they gave her an enema for it.

7:52 Drew That's what I just said. They do...

7:54 My sister, she's 16. They did not.

7:57 They just said, we'll just clean it up and then deliver the baby.

8:00 Drew Yeah. It depends on the timing and whatnot and what you want to do. But it's not that big a deal. Look, there's a lot of other stuff flying around at that point. And, you know...

8:08 So it's not a big deal?

8:09 Drew It's not a big deal at all. Yeah.

8:10 Okay. Well, my husband had said that he had watched a movie in middle school about giving birth to a child.

8:16 Drew Unacceptable.

8:17 He never saw anything of it.

8:19 Drew Yeah, I know. They can choose a movie. If they're going to put the cameras on, I think they...

8:23 Yeah, they go...

8:24 Drew Right. They go and deal with that effect.

8:26 Yeah.

8:27 Adam Yeah, they have to sift through the piles and piles of births they have with fecal matter and finally get the one that doesn't have fecal matter in it to show it to the children. I like the way she just skated past that. You know, my sister now, she was six... well, fifteen when she got pregnant. She was sixteen and nothing came out of her, but now my mom...

8:47 Wow.

8:48 Adam Sixteen. Yeah.

8:50 Drew I think she said that, I think it was her mom delivering the sixteen-year-old five years later that didn't do an enema.

8:55 Adam Oh, really?

8:56 Drew I think that was the point.

8:57 Adam Is that it?

8:57 Drew I think.

8:58 She said her phone line's bad.

9:00 Deidre? Yes.

9:01 Drew Was it that when your sister was born, your mom didn't get an enema?

9:05 Right.

9:06 Yeah.

9:06 Drew And it wasn't when your sister... Your sister's not been pregnant?

9:09 Well, yes. My sister actually has been pregnant. She just gave birth three months ago.

9:14 Drew Did she have an enema beforehand?

9:15 I don't know.

9:16 Haven't had that conversation with her yet.

9:19 Adam How old's your sister?

9:20 She... Actually, she just turned seventeen yesterday. Yesterday was the thirtieth.

9:27 Refreshing. Yeah.

9:28 Drew So you had to wait till seventeen.

9:29 So she was fifteen when she was pregnant?

9:32 Uh, no. She was sixteen when she was pregnant.

9:34 Oh.

9:34 Drew Way off.

9:35 Way off.

9:35 Well, wait.

9:36 How old... doesn't she have a kid?

9:38 Yeah.

9:39 She was born in October or November.

9:46 Drew And she just turned seventeen.

9:48 Right.

9:49 She just turned seventeen.

9:50 All right. I can do some math there. She could have been fifteen pregnant.

9:55 Drew Yeah. Oh, yeah.

9:56 Yeah. Or she could have.

9:58 She gave birth at...

9:59 that's right about... Probably in a couple of weeks in that fifteen pill.

10:02 Drew Oh, yeah.

10:03 All right.

10:04 Adam Fantastic.

10:05 Caller Yeah.

10:05 Drew Well, you know, takes all kinds.

10:07 Wade?

10:08 Caller Yeah.

10:09 You're twenty-three.

10:11 Caller How are you doing?

10:12 What's up?

10:13 Caller I got a question for Dr. Drew about fetish. There's something that turns me on in life. It's ruined relationships and I can't seem to get it off my mind.

10:25 Drew And that is?

10:27 Caller Spanking. Spanking.

10:28 Drew How's it ruined the relationships?

10:31 Caller Well, I had a relationship with a girl for almost a year, and she was great. We got along real well the whole time, but when it came down to sex, I was always asking her to do this, and she didn't want to do it.

10:43 Drew She needs, you need her to spank you.

10:45 Caller Right. No, I'm way too big to hit a girl. I couldn't hit a girl.

10:49 Well, you just choke up on the battle, you don't take a full swing. And so, this shoot, because she will stop, right at, right before impact.

10:59 Caller You hold back, it's not right for me. Yeah, it's okay for me.

11:05 Hold on, what, Wade? Yeah.

11:07 Adam Wade, could you hold the baby without crushing it?

11:12 Yeah. Okay then.

11:13 Adam You could probably smack a chick on the ass without putting a hole in it.

11:16 Drew Just shake some of his hands without breaking it?

11:20 Yeah, you're like Herman Munster, you keep pulling stuff up the wall.

11:22 Yeah, yeah, how you doing? Nice to meet you. And it crushes the guy's hand.

11:27 Drew Every time he opens the door, the door comes off in his hand.

11:29 Adam Right, he brushes his teeth, he just pokes a hole in his cheek and then pokes a hole in the other car door.

11:36 Steering wheel comes off in his hand, everything comes off in his hands.

11:39 Exactly.

11:40 Adam And what happened to doors, car doors coming off in the hands of strong guys?

11:44 Remember that move?

11:46 Drew Part of the souffle humor.

11:47 Adam Yeah, and the thing is, it never had to tear it off the hinges either, just the whole door just sort of popped out.

11:55 Drew It would come out, the handle part would come first and then the rest would come.

11:59 Yeah.

12:00 Adam You know the move I missed from old movies and TV shows too is a guy would slam the car door on the used car lot and then the bumpers would fall off, the doors would fall off, and the tires, it was always a little clumsy. It was like, it's not an exact science. It's hard to just loosen those lug nuts enough and have everything serve, you know, so if you think about it, it's hard to take a bumper and hang it so it stays on, but then falls off right when you want it to fall off.

12:25 Drew Very difficult, very difficult.

12:26 Yeah.

12:26 Adam Big humor though.

12:28 Caller Oh, huge.

12:29 Adam Big jokes.

12:30 Yeah, funny stuff.

12:31 Drew That was funny.

12:32 Adam Wade?

12:33 Caller Yeah.

12:34 Adam All right. So you would crush a woman if you attempted to slap her.

12:37 Drew But whether you would or would not, the point is what you like is being smacked yourself.

12:42 Adam On the ass?

12:44 Caller Yeah.

12:45 Drew And that's it?

12:46 Caller Yeah.

12:47 Caller Yeah.

12:47 Caller It's not like a wild thing or anything like that. It's just, I don't know. One of those guys has a big conscience and it just seems to be a big release for me whenever that happens.

12:58 Drew Whatever that means. And when the fact that she wouldn't do this, you had to break the relationship up because she just couldn't come around?

13:06 Caller Well, I wouldn't even myself. Towards the end, it was just, I was so insistent and I'm trying to figure out, my main question is what can I do to forget about it, just to get it out of my mind?

13:18 Drew Well, fetishes are sort of hard to undo unless you're going to do some long-term work.

13:22 Adam Yeah. You repeating a mantra of, I will not be aroused by spanking is only going to make it worse. I don't know what to do. Not thinking about it means thinking about it.

13:36 And it's going to happen.

13:37 Drew It's like trying to think about dieting or not eating.

13:39 Yeah.

13:40 Adam And you're going to sort of do it.

13:42 Drew Yeah. And the fact is you don't have a horrible fetish. Fetishes generally take the attention away from the intimacy. They sort of take the focus away from the closeness because in people that have fetishes, the closeness can be sort of overwhelming and scary. And fetish is one way of managing that. And this is sort of a mild fetish you have. So what you have to do is find a partner who's willing to kind of come along with you. I don't say that very often about fetishes.

14:02 You notice that?

14:03 Adam Get a partner.

14:04 Drew Well, just sort of let it ride. You just say, hey, just stop, because it'll spiral, it'll get worse. But I don't think it will with this guy. I don't get that feeling.

14:12 Adam So just ride it out like it's like herpes that burns itself out after five years?

14:18 Drew Or it's something that kind of plateaus as far as it goes. And that's that.

14:23 Let's keep on keeping on.

14:26 Adam Jason masturbates to punishment, feels bad.

14:30 Drew Line two, then.

14:31 Line two, that's our chick. Meg?

14:34 Yes.

14:35 Adam Eighteen?

14:36 Yep.

14:37 What's up baby doll?

14:40 My boyfriend recently kind of let it slip that he has a medical condition. It's something with his lungs and he won't tell me what it is. And I don't know how to get it out of him, but he's really not been himself since he found out. So I really want him to just get it off his chest and tell me.

15:02 Drew Does he have something infectious, do you think?

15:04 I don't think it's anything that will affect me. He said he either has to take some sort of pills or be on oxygen.

15:13 Forever?

15:15 What?

15:16 Drew Forever?

15:17 Yeah.

15:18 Drew Oxygen forever?

15:20 One of the two, yeah. I mean, if he forgets his pills, he needs oxygen immediately.

15:25 Drew Well, this is like a pretty serious lung problem. What the heck? He's not asthmatic?

15:31 Caller No.

15:32 He's 18 and they just found out like last month. There's some people that's on it to be 100% sure that he has it.

15:39 Drew What's his ethnicity?

15:41 I'm sorry?

15:42 Drew What's his ethnicity?

15:44 He's Caucasian.

15:45 Drew There's something called sarcoidosis. It tends to hit African Americans a little more than the Caucasians.

15:49 True. You're judging.

15:50 Drew I know. I'm just profiling. I'm profiling.

15:53 No, you can't profile.

15:54 Drew I know. God forgive me. Sorry.

15:56 Take that back.

15:56 Adam It hits everyone equally all the time.

15:58 Drew As all conditions do, all biology is equal in all people at all times. Always.

16:02 It doesn't.

16:02 Adam It doesn't. Can I check?

16:04 Money, sex, doesn't matter. Nothing.

16:06 Adam Everything's exactly the same.

16:07 Drew In fact, polar bears, same as humans.

16:09 Adam Everything's the same. Exactly the same. Sorry. Go ahead. I apologize for Drew.

16:14 Drew What can we do? We don't know what this is. We don't know either.

16:18 I'm just wondering, like, is there any way that I can get him to open up to me and let me know what the problem is?

16:25 Adam I think as he becomes more comfortable with it, he's gonna do it. How long has it been since he was diagnosed?

16:32 A little over a month.

16:34 Drew Hmm.

16:34 Adam Well, how long have you guys been together?

16:37 About a year.

16:39 Drew You should be telling her.

16:40 Adam Your boyfriend girlfriend?

16:42 Caller Yeah.

16:43 Adam You having sex?

16:44 Caller No.

16:46 Adam Why does he need to share?

16:49 Maybe he's using that.

16:54 Drew Would he say that you're his girlfriend?

16:57 I would think so.

17:01 Drew Do you guys date other people?

17:03 Adam No. Okay. Why aren't you having sex?

17:11 I've chosen to be abstinent till marriage.

17:14 Drew Okay.

17:15 Adam He's chosen not to tell you about his lung condition.

17:18 Touche.

17:19 I'm not holding him to anything. That's just my opinion.

17:21 No, I know.

17:22 Adam Look, he should.

17:23 Drew It sounds very serious. People get bizarre when they get illnesses. They get like primitive man all of a sudden. It's like, oh, people are going to think I'm flawed. There's something wrong with the devil is in me because that's why I'm sick.

17:33 Adam You know what it is? First off, I'll tell you something, especially with chicks. I know if I get some bad news, I don't want to go home and tell my wife because they're like, oh my, oh, oh. Then you start feeling, by the way, chicks and Drew, by the way. I got to get the hernia surgery.

17:51 Oh, man.

17:53 You're going to be down. You will be down for a month.

17:55 Be prepared. Be prepared.

17:58 Oh, my God.

17:59 Adam I mean, people don't want to go through that, so they're like, they just don't want to say anything.

18:02 Drew Well, the other thing, women sometimes don't let you maintain your denial. It's like you're in your own little world with it, and then all of a sudden you hear somebody else react to it. You're like, oh, my God, she's right. It's serious.

18:11 Adam No, there's a host of reasons why you don't want to tell other people and not so many why you do.

18:18 Drew Right, right. But all the other reasons you don't are sort of unhealthy and avoidant and maintain denial.

18:23 Yes, it's true.

18:24 Drew And then the other thing is it's about I think people have sort of primitive thinking about it. Like they really sort of think about how our history of people believe that the reason they got sick was they were evil. Something happened. They did something wrong. They were being punished.

18:39 Adam Right.

18:39 Drew And I still think people kind of tend to think that way. They're a little ashamed of being sad.

18:43 Adam I, you know, I know I don't think it's that they're ashamed or they feel like they're being punished. I just feel like, look, if we don't talk about it, it doesn't really exist. And I don't really want it to exist. Therefore, I'm not going to talk about it.

18:56 You know, I do think that happens.

18:58 Adam I think, I mean, I think everyone sort of has that capacity. Anyway, look, I, you know, he's going through a bad time. Probably you deserve some answers as his girlfriend of one year.

19:12 Drew And it's not as though these sound like trivial symptoms. I mean, this sounds like something very serious.

19:15 Adam No, he needs to, he needs to, you know, sort of open up a little bit. And, and, and look, I think it's okay, even though you feel like he's stricken with something to be a little bit stern and say, look, I'm your, I'm your girlfriend. I'm in love. I want to know.

19:29 Drew What do I shouldn't talk to the parents?

19:31 Jason. Jason.

19:34 Yeah.

19:35 Drew There you go.

19:35 21, what's up?

19:38 Well, whenever I'm like down on myself or something, I'll masturbate to put kind of as a punishment.

19:47 Yeah.

19:48 I never kind of finish off.

19:50 Drew You never torch yourself?

19:52 Wow. That is punishment.

19:55 Drew Seriously? That's what you do?

19:57 Yes. I have cut in the past.

20:00 Drew This kind of thing. It's a deprivation thing. There's certain people are studying this.

20:04 Adam I never intend to finish either, but I get to a certain threshold where it's not going back.

20:09 Drew You think about it afterward. That's when you feel that disgust.

20:12 That's when you wish you had that threshold.

20:15 Yeah. You got it. But now, don't you?

20:17 Adam What happens if you get close?

20:20 Once in a while, I'll get close and it will happen, but not much.

20:24 Yeah. Like 85% of the time.

20:27 Adam It sounds like Jason's like, Oh, you've been a bad boy.

20:30 No, you're not going to have any sadism. All right.

20:35 Well, tomorrow night, when I punish myself, definitely no orgasm.

20:39 Drew Why do they call it self abuse? Remember, you used to call it self abuse?

20:42 Yeah. I prefer fagging off with yourself. Jason?

20:49 Yes.

20:50 All right.

20:50 Adam Well, that's nice. So that's healthy. And you cut on yourself too?

20:56 I have.

20:57 Drew You have eating disorder?

20:59 Yeah.

21:00 Drew Yeah. It all kind of goes together.

21:02 Adam How's the eating disorder going? What's going on with that?

21:06 I don't know. It's hard to motivate myself to eat anything. I kind of get this aspect that I'm just going to get fat. Huge.

21:12 Yeah.

21:13 Adam You just sound a good old depressed too on top of everything.

21:17 Drew And you tend to use dep... you're using deprivation as a way of managing those overwhelming feelings.

21:21 Right.

21:22 Adam Whereas Drew uses sex as a weapon.

21:24 Drew Same thing.

21:25 Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

21:27 Drew And the deprivation, whether it speaks from deny yourself sex or food or cutting, that's all similar kinds of phenomenon. And it really speaks volumes about your inability to regulate your feeling states. And it also speaks a lot to the probability that you had some serious childhood trauma.

21:42 How about a little therapy, buddy boy?

21:43 Drew That stuff needs to be worked out. Yeah.

21:45 Well, that's what I mean.

21:47 What kind of therapy should I be focusing on?

21:49 Drew I mean, I just, I've just played a little individual therapy. Somebody has a, has a experience in the expertise in dealing with childhood trauma. This is all, this is what happens to adults when they've had childhood trauma. This is how it manifests later.

22:02 Yeah.

22:03 Seventeen?

22:04 Yeah.

22:05 Adam What's up?

22:07 I wanted to know the definition for sex addiction.

22:11 Drew Well, I define it as a biological heritage of addiction, so family history of addiction.

22:16 Not sexual, just any kind of addiction.

22:18 Drew That's right. And then any compulsive sexual acts, whether it's masturbation or prostitution, whatever it is, you know, frequenting clubs or having problems, where it has consequences. Behaviors that have consequences in your relationships, your finances, your health, your work or school or your legal status. And yet you continue in spite of those consequences. That's addiction.

22:38 Well, how, like, if you are one, how do you stop?

22:43 Like, is there?

22:44 Drew It's like any other addiction. If you could stop, I suggest you do. But when it's an addiction, it's a biological process that your brain can't.

22:52 Why, what do you, what do you got going? You're 17.

22:55 Yeah. And the thing is, like, I feel really outcasted. I mean, I've been like this ever since I was little. Like, I started masturbating really early. And, and it's been, like, torturous.

23:08 Drew What has been? What?

23:10 I mean, I have to masturbate every single day. God knows how many times a day. And then I need sex, like, all the time. It's always on my mind. It won't let me, like, do anything.

23:21 Adam Well, do you have a boyfriend?

23:23 No.

23:24 Adam He's having sex with strangers?

23:26 No. I have, like, a doing-it person buddy.

23:29 Oh, you do?

23:30 Yeah, I have two.

23:31 He's gonna get angry after Drew talks to you. You have two guys?

23:36 Yeah.

23:37 Adam And we ever abused?

23:39 No.

23:40 Drew Oh, come on.

23:40 No. No?

23:43 Drew No. You weren't in a chaotic home growing up?

23:46 My dad was temperamental, but that was the gist of it.

23:49 Who was temperamental?

23:50 My dad.

23:51 Drew And what did he do?

23:52 He would yell, push a lot, scream. He'd just really, really, really extremely bad temper.

23:59 Drew And what would he do in those states?

24:01 Um, belittle me.

24:04 Drew He was emotionally abusive.

24:05 What else?

24:07 Drew Would he throw things and frighten you? Fearful for your safety?

24:10 Yeah.

24:11 Drew That's abuse. That's trauma.

24:13 Yeah.

24:13 Drew Was he drinking when he did that?

24:14 No.

24:15 Adam Dad just freaking out all the...

24:17 In a whole lot of second.

24:19 Adam I had, I had, my mom was sort of what you'd call unstable growing up. It's freaky for a kid when a parent is sort of unstable and is sort of losing it, a little out of control. Kids feel out of control.

24:34 Drew Well, they feel like their well-being is in jeopardy. They're going to be, they're falling into a pit, right?

24:41 Yeah.

24:41 Adam It's like you're in a plane and the pilot's drunk and he keeps turning around saying, what is that? What is this? What's this style? What's this gauge?

24:48 Like you're like...

24:48 Drew And then it falls asleep.

24:50 Adam It falls asleep again.

24:51 And you're like, what?

24:52 Adam I'm not feeling...

24:53 Drew What do I do? What do I do?

24:55 Adam I'll not be watching the movie. I'm not going to be looking through the Sky Mall. I'm going to go over there and try to give some coffee.

25:01 Drew Nor I'm not going to be attending to my growth and development. I'm not going to be working in school. I'm going to be trying to break this guy patch together. You keep this guy pumped up and here we go.

25:11 Adam All right. Well, look, you're acting out. You're aware you're acting out.

25:16 Drew There may be some other things, too, here. You may be bipolar or they kind of put some rocket fuel behind this.

25:21 But like every other aspect of me is, you know, quite normal. It's just that this... The sex part, it's just overwhelming.

25:31 Yeah. All right.

25:32 Adam Well, maybe it's time if you can't control it to get yourself some help.

25:36 But it's so... I'm 17. I tried looking for it, but there's like nothing for 17 year olds.

25:42 Drew Well, you're right, actually, Janet. It's tough for 17. But the Delamo Hospital, if you call the intake people in Redondo, you live in Long Beach?

25:50 Yeah.

25:50 Drew Delamo Treatment Center. Give that intake program a call there. Ask for Francis, okay?

25:55 Really? At the Delamo Hospital.

25:57 Drew Delamo Hospital in Redondo. Really? Let's see if you can help out.

26:00 Can I ask another question?

26:01 Yeah.

26:03 Is it possible that you could never have an orgasm from just intercourse alone without quick action?

26:09 Drew That's most women.

26:11 That's most?

26:12 Yes.

26:13 And so it's totally normal if I'm like that.

26:15 Drew Yes, it is normal. You see how bad our culture is at helping women?

26:20 Yeah.

26:21 Drew Every single one of them cannot have orgasm with intercourse and is wondering what's the matter with them.

26:24 Adam And by the way, thinks it can be pounded out of them.

26:28 Drew Yes. Or if they just find the right spot.

26:30 Adam As a dude, you nail me in the keister a handful of times and it ain't working for me, my strategy is not pound harder.

26:40 Drew Or you put something higher up or with a hook on it or whatever.

26:43 Adam You got to get a C extension, double down on the lube and let's pick up the pace, Beppi.

26:49 Drew But isn't the intriguing thing is there's not a guy on earth that would keep fishing around and go, hey, hey, let's figure this out.

26:55 Beppi, hey, hey, it ain't happening.

26:57 Drew But then you go, let's make some happen.

27:00 Adam Let's work on the stuff that is working. This ain't working.

27:03 Drew And then you tell everybody about it too, by the way.

27:06 Yeah.

27:06 Drew And women don't share with each other.

27:08 No, they don't.

27:09 Adam And then they write these articles in these, you know, Cosmo rags and it's how to have a two hour orgasm. And then everyone else reads it. It's like, where's my two hour orgasm? They think something's wrong with them, but they don't talk to each other because they sort of, women sort of like each other, but they don't trust each other very much, you know? They're sort of like competing, I don't know, they're like attorneys or something in the court room.

27:35 They have to work together, maybe have a little respect for each other.

27:38 Adam Ultimately, they don't trust each other. They're not going to divulge any serious information. They're scared it's going to get used against them later on in the case. Good probability. All right. We'll take a quick break.

27:48 We'll be right back after this.

27:50 Thank you for calling Loveline.

27:52 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

28:02 There, buddy.

28:02 It's Loveline.

28:03 Adam I'm Adam.

28:04 That's Dr. Drew.

28:06 Adam Phone number 1-800-LOVE-E-191. Ben Stein. The Great Ben Stein.

28:13 In Tomorrow Night.

28:14 Adam You know why I say Great Ben Stein, Drew? He's a huge fan of the show.

28:18 Drew Oh, that makes him great.

28:20 Anderson.

28:23 Adam And when I say he's great, guess which one of us he's a bigger fan of?

28:29 Oh, I'm sure he's a better fan of Corolla. Oh, yeah.

28:31 Drew He must be just an adult. Well, it makes him great.

28:33 He's cool at all.

28:34 Adam And he doesn't have to be a good guy. It most certainly makes him a genius.

28:39 Of course.

28:40 Adam Genius?

28:41 Drew Yes.

28:41 Oh, what a brilliant, brilliant man.

28:44 Adam You know how it is. When people recognize my genius, immediately label them genius.

28:49 Drew You recognize theirs. It allows you to see it.

28:52 It allows me. It cuts right through the fog and pow.

28:55 Drew It's sort of a sign.

28:56 Adam Like a beacon in the night. I see their genius. Yeah.

28:59 Drew That's all. It's like a Mensa card or something.

29:01 It's a Mensa card. Yeah. Yeah. You ready to rock?

29:07 That's Drew on Turn Me On, Ben Stein?

29:12 Drew Turn Ben Stein On.

29:13 Turn Ben Stein On.

29:14 Yeah.

29:18 Drew Here's the comedy. Before I did this, he was like, there's always a little posture between me and Ben. And because he fashions himself sort of an opera buff, he anointed me accomplished at that point. You know what you're doing now?

29:30 Adam Well, Ben and Drew, first off, you know, they both, they're both pretty big thinkers. And sometimes there's just not enough room on stage for two, you know, two eggheads, quite frankly. And Ben did the TV show and I think Drew gave Ms. Spare the Rod speech.

29:49 Drew Oh yeah, he didn't like that.

29:50 Adam Ben begged to differ.

29:51 Drew Yeah, I remember that.

29:52 Adam And you know, Ben's not, you know, Ben's, you know, wrote speeches for Nixon, for Christ's sake. He's not a guy that likes to be told, listen. Anything. You're a little over your head in this one, intellectually, I think I know what I'm saying. He doesn't take well to that. Smart, here's the thing, here's the thing. It's like, you know what it is? It's like guys that are good athletes, they think they're good at every sport. You can't tell them.

30:14 Drew And they kind of are.

30:15 Adam They kind of are, they kind of are, but you know, they can't snowboard the first day they go to the mountain, they can't stay off the big jump. And they're just like, nah, screw it, I see that, I see how that works. That's what happens. Ben is like that.

30:28 Drew And probably most of the time, he's right.

30:29 Adam But a genius.

30:30 Drew Genius.

30:30 Adam Genius. And why?

30:32 Drew Because he recognizes your greatness. Well, genius. Your greatness. Your genius, your greatness.

30:38 Thank you.

30:39 Adam Holly?

30:40 Yeah?

30:40 Eighteen?

30:42 Uh, yeah.

30:43 Adam What's up, baby doll?

30:45 Well, my boyfriend is 19 years old and he's become impotent, like out of nowhere.

30:51 Drew Out of nowhere? When did it first happen?

30:55 When did this start happening a couple weeks ago or about a month ago?

30:57 Drew What was the circumstances? What were you guys doing?

31:01 Well, we were just like, you know, we were just messing around and stuff and like, you know, I was like, oh, I was like, well, do you want to have sex? And he was just like.

31:13 Drew Oh yeah, Holly.

31:14 Yeah.

31:16 Drew Oh. Let's picture Holly for a second here. Well, first of all, paint the language you just used.

31:23 Adam Um, they were fooling around.

31:26 Drew She was grabbing for his, you know what?

31:27 She was grabbing for his junk. She said, you want to have sex?

31:30 Adam He was like, I don't think I can get it up. And she said, what the F?

31:36 Drew Okay. Now I'm thinking, uh, Smith College, Holyoke College?

31:40 Adam I don't know if I'm picturing somewhere out of the country.

31:43 Drew Oh yeah, you're right. Yeah, Geneva.

31:44 You're right.

31:45 Adam Finishing school in Geneva.

31:49 Drew And University of Lausanne after that. Yeah, you're right.

31:51 Adam Yeah, I'm thinking Lausanne. And I picture her now with that, you know, sort of, I guess that preppy look with the tennis sweater.

31:59 Drew Yes, the 1940s preppy with the, the petticoat with the collar up here.

32:04 Yeah.

32:04 Drew Yeah.

32:05 Real old fashioned.

32:06 Drew That's right.

32:07 Real old school.

32:08 Yeah.

32:09 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Let's talk to, I'm scared to talk to Holly.

32:13 Holly.

32:14 Yeah.

32:15 Yeah. I know it's difficult for you to control your speech.

32:18 Okay.

32:19 I apologize.

32:19 Drew But in this country, in the United States?

32:21 You can't use the F word on the radio.

32:23 I apologize. And I'm from Sacramento.

32:26 Oh, well, that explains it.

32:27 Adam But you went to finishing school in Geneva, yes?

32:31 Drew No, no, I'm confused now.

32:33 Adam All right. Well, we'll get to the bottom of it another day. So, he's having, what's going on now? Junior college?

32:42 Me?

32:42 Drew Sac State.

32:43 Yeah. Yeah, why?

32:45 Drew Sac State.

32:46 Hold on. Junior college?

32:48 Yeah.

32:49 Hold on. One time during the lecture.

33:21 The New Low for Junior College Students.

33:25 Drew The parents were appreciated, though.

33:27 Yeah.

33:27 Adam I'll tell you, if Junior College isn't a place of sort of subpar learning, how come I can tell when I'm talking to one every time?

33:36 Drew It's amazing.

33:37 Adam It's not like you have to have an accent or anything.

33:40 No, here's how.

33:42 Here's how you know you're talking to someone who goes to Junior College.

33:44 They're rock dumb.

33:45 Not you, Chris. Not you, buddy.

33:48 Drew Yeah, not me.

33:48 Adam Not you, buddy. But all the rest of them, just stumps.

33:53 Just stumps.

33:54 Adam Fantastic.

33:55 Drew That's a holly.

33:58 Adam Let me say it's about Junior College.

33:59 They know they're hacky sack though.

34:01 Adam They know they're they know granola bars, they know hacky sack, they know to lash out against the man.

34:05 Drew Kudo bars.

34:06 Adam They hate their stepparents. But here's here's here's the thing. Everybody is doing them a disservice by pretending like they're students. Oh, but where are you going? I'm going to college. Oh, oh, great. Where are you going? Pierce.

34:24 Caller Oh, okay.

34:25 Adam That's, and you're going to transfer to a four-year.

34:28 Caller Oh, okay.

34:29 That's not it.

34:31 Caller Stop it. Stop it.

34:33 Adam These are D students in high school at best. They never took the SATs. They're not meant for any scholastic anything.

34:40 Hold your ears, Chris.

34:41 Caller They need to either go in the military or get an effing job.

34:44 Drew Or get an apprenticeship sometime. We really do need to bring apprenticeship back more thoroughly, don't you think?

34:50 Yes.

34:50 Drew More systematically.

34:51 Adam Yes, because you know what they're doing right now? It's like someone just threw them in a lake and they're just going to tread water for nine years. That's fantastic.

34:58 Drew If you notice, people from other countries bring their kids along in an apprenticeship situation. I mean, guys work on your house?

35:04 Caller Yeah.

35:05 Drew The kids are 18. They know how to do stuff.

35:07 Caller Listen, I got those Latinos.

35:09 Adam They got their kids and their kids' kids and their kids. I got zygotes working on my house.

35:15 I actually actually put stuff up the mother to give them some work.

35:20 Adam Took like a whole Ikea bookshelf, put up there, spatted out, was all put together.

35:24 Drew Nice.

35:24 Adam And I had to throw the Allen wrench in there too.

35:26 Drew Of course.

35:27 I think she swallowed that.

35:28 Drew Oh, no, no.

35:29 Adam Doesn't work that way.

35:30 Drew No, no.

35:30 Adam The point is, is yeah, you teach your kids, you teach your kids something.

35:34 Caller Yeah.

35:35 Adam My like, my Jose, my electrician brings his little, bring his kid around for like five years.

35:41 Drew Bolo de queso?

35:42 Caller Yeah.

35:42 Adam They just call him Gordo now. So I love about the Mexicans. They cut right to the quick. It's like, look, what's a good nickname for a fat kid?

35:50 Caller How about Fatty? Okay. All right.

35:56 Adam That seems okay.

35:57 Caller Until we think of something better, we'll call the fat kid Fatty. It's awesome.

36:01 Adam The Bolo de queso is the ball of cheese, which I worked with another guy that was known as the ball of cheese.

36:08 Caller This guy was just always gordo.

36:11 Adam And this kid's been around, kid's been around five years now. He's full-blown electrician now.

36:16 Drew Yeah, and he's like 14.

36:18 Caller He's 15, he's 500 pounds. He's a full, no, he's lost some weight.

36:22 He's still got that big cabasa.

36:24 Adam But he is a full-blown electrician. That's what. Or you go to junior college and have fun. Have fun treading water. Pull your fingers out of yours now, buddy.

36:36 Drew Okay, Holly, here's the deal. Is your boyfriend doing drugs?

36:39 Caller No.

36:40 Drew Is he on medication?

36:41 Caller No.

36:42 Drew You sure?

36:44 Caller Very sure.

36:45 Drew Was there anything going on that day? Had he been masturbating or were you in a sort of anxiety provoking?

36:50 Caller Not that I know of.

36:51 Drew Well, certainly he has been, but as far as you know, he wasn't just prior to that.

36:56 Caller No.

36:57 Drew And he's had this problem ever since?

36:59 Caller Pretty much.

37:00 Drew How many times have you guys tried since?

37:02 Caller About four or five.

37:04 Drew I gotta tell you, that's sort of medication, or something medical until proven otherwise.

37:08 Adam What if you gave him oral sex?

37:11 Caller I don't know. I haven't tried it.

37:15 Adam Why not?

37:18 Caller I have issues with that.

37:21 Drew How's the relationship going?

37:23 Caller It's going fine so far.

37:25 Caller What happened?

37:25 Adam You got molested?

37:26 Caller Somebody forced oral sex on you?

37:29 Caller Sort of.

37:30 Drew Sort of?

37:31 Adam Who was that? Who did that?

37:33 Caller Next boyfriend. A while back.

37:36 Drew How old were you?

37:37 Caller Fourteen.

37:39 Caller How old was he?

37:40 Caller Twenty-one.

37:42 Caller Nothing before that?

37:44 Caller No.

37:45 Drew That's enough to give us something a little bit of a weird feeling about that one.

37:48 Caller Yeah.

37:48 Adam Well, here's the thing. Oral sex is really one of the cures for this. Or at least it's a test to see if the plumbing is hooked up.

37:59 Drew Right. If there really is an organic problem, a medical problem, he'll still have trouble there.

38:03 Adam At eighteen.

38:06 Drew Well, some guys are either smoking a lot of pot and she doesn't really think about it as him doing drugs or the relationship is going poorly. He's terribly anxious. He's guilty about something. Something's not going right. Even then, though, that shouldn't... They should be able to overcome that. Think about an eighteen-year-old guy.

38:20 Caller Oh, yeah.

38:21 Drew Yeah, it could be a hurricane going on. He could get through it.

38:25 Caller Yeah, yeah.

38:26 Adam I feel bad for engineer Chris now.

38:29 Drew You did work a little bit.

38:30 Adam I was just kidding, bud.

38:30 Drew He's lost in thought. It's all right, man.

38:32 Caller And we're cool.

38:33 Drew He's considering his life here.

38:34 Caller He'll be cool.

38:35 Drew Well, he has a plan, though, Adam.

38:37 Adam So has everyone at junior college.

38:38 Caller Both my parents have graduated and they both went to a junior college, so there you go.

38:43 Drew They graduated from university?

38:44 Caller Yes.

38:44 Caller They did?

38:45 Caller Yeah.

38:45 Adam But went now...

38:46 Drew How old were they when they graduated from university?

38:48 Caller I don't know how old they were.

38:49 Caller They did. Yeah?

38:51 Yeah. All right.

38:52 Caller But you know, they went to junior college out of high school, right? And then they graduated.

38:57 Caller Not really, no.

38:58 Caller No?

38:58 Caller They didn't.

38:59 Caller 29, nobody.

39:01 Caller That's right.

39:01 All right.

39:03 Adam Listen, look, who's a better friend? One that just watches somebody tread water, is run on a never-ending treadmill, you know, with a snack bar.

39:13 Drew Or the one who sees them down there and says, hey, we got it, we got it. While you're treading water, you're going to go down eventually. Let's end this now. Throw a big boulder on it.

39:20 Caller Yeah.

39:20 Drew That's the good friend?

39:21 Adam How about the guy who's got the guts to take a bench vice and throw it in your underpants and bring it right to the bottom of David Jones' locker?

39:28 Caller Yeah? All right.

39:30 Adam Let's take a look. I just worry, buddy. That's all.

39:32 Caller So, okay.

39:34 Caller All right.

39:34 Adam Take a, Drew, I went to junior college. I know what goes on.

39:37 Caller Yeah, you went too, right?

39:38 Drew Yeah.

39:39 Adam Now, I shouldn't say I know what goes on over there. I know what doesn't go on over there.

39:43 Drew Well, see, Chris, he wants to be like you. See, the problem is you're setting a bad standard.

39:48 Adam I got out when I was like, well, let's say, I got out the first time when I was like 19.

39:54 Caller You went back? I went back. What?

39:56 Drew Oh, it's for radio.

39:58 Adam No, I was curious about radio, but they wouldn't let me in.

40:00 Drew Oh, okay, good.

40:01 Adam You had to take a voice and diction class.

40:03 Drew I'll forget that.

40:04 Adam Forget that. But I think I did go back when I was like 22 and took like two classes or something. I actually had a schedule.

40:12 Drew Wow.

40:12 Adam It was crazy.

40:13 Drew Did you even finish those classes?

40:15 Adam I did, but then I fell apart the next semester.

40:18 Caller So Chris, you had a full-time job at the time you had two classes, right?

40:22 Adam Yeah, I did. I had a job. I worked with the born-again gangbanger, Christians at Always Better Closets in Burbank.

40:31 Drew Oh, then?

40:32 Adam And Stalling Closets.

40:33 Drew So carpet cleaning and ditch digging came after that?

40:37 Adam No. That was the break I took from carpentry. Yeah.

40:43 Drew Carpet cleaning.

40:44 Adam I done the carpet cleaning.

40:45 Drew And the ditch digging.

40:46 Adam I done the ditch digging and I done a couple years of carpentry. Maybe more. Maybe like four or five years of carpentry.

40:52 Drew You must have been 25 at that point.

40:53 Adam I could have been 24, 25.

40:55 Drew And then you went back to junior college?

40:58 Adam I'm gonna figure out, I'm gonna figure out my years. I'm gonna figure it out.

41:00 Drew So Chris, the bottom line here is, get a couple more jobs, dead-end jobs. Dead-end, general.

41:06 Caller I don't worry about that.

41:07 Drew And let the college just fall apart.

41:09 Caller Right.

41:10 Drew Just completely, just let go, let it fall.

41:12 Caller Right. And begin your lucrative career in radio.

41:15 Caller Then you gotta talk to Kimmel. She's got about that part.

41:18 Adam All right, we'll take a quick, I can't give it out. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

41:25 Hello, this is your radio.

41:31 Adam You're a dick to a lot of people on the air.

41:51 Caller Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew.

41:55 Adam Phone number, 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Well, I figured out how old I was when I made my return to junior college.

42:03 Drew Okay, I'm ready.

42:04 Adam 23.

42:06 Drew Okay. And at that point, you'd had Chris, listen carefully, take notes. Carb clearing.

42:12 Adam All right, so basically, I got out of high school and I went to play football in junior college.

42:21 Drew So that was the reason, there was a reason there for junior college.

42:25 Adam I got, like, recruited, if that's possible, by the local coach, Chuck. Oh, man, I can't remember his name. He was such a hard-ass. And yeah, I actually got recruited by these little colleges, like Pacific and Marshall. Marshall was smaller back then, and like Lewis and Clark, Cal Poly Pomona, Cal Poly San Luis Obispo.

42:50 Drew These were four-year schools, though.

42:52 Adam Yeah, but they didn't have big football programs.

42:54 Drew But still, you would have been at university.

42:56 Adam I couldn't fill out any paperwork or anything, though, and I didn't have anybody to help me fill out any paper. I didn't know what to do, you know?

43:03 Drew You couldn't follow through with those huge dreams of Cal Poly Pomona or Lewis and Clark.

43:08 Adam Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. Yeah, so anyway, yeah, man, I should think of some of these are Pacific College.

43:15 Caller Yeah, it's University of Pacific, University of Pacific.

43:17 Adam Yeah, the big, yeah, I, oh, UC Davis, that was another school recruited me. But yeah, anyway, so I went to the junior college and then I hurt my back and I just quit. And I went school a little while longer and then I quit.

43:32 Caller That was like 19.

43:33 Drew And then you went back.

43:34 Adam Then I, yeah, then I cleaned carpet. Then I swung a hammer.

43:39 Drew Dug ditches.

43:39 Adam Dug ditches. I swung a hammer. I did that for about three or four years. Then I got a job installing closets and working part-time, but under the table. I was making the big bucks.

43:52 Drew As I remember, you've told one story about that job where you went in and stole the closet in the wrong house.

43:57 Adam Yes, I did. Oh.

43:58 Caller Yes.

43:59 Adam Yes. Yep.

44:00 Drew What did that lady still run?

44:02 Adam She's a Mexican cleaning lady.

44:04 Caller Oh.

44:04 Adam Banged on the door. She like answered the door like, what? I was like, hey, out of the way.

44:09 Caller Walked right in. She's like, huh?

44:10 Drew Where's the closet?

44:11 Adam Where's the closet?

44:12 Caller Oh, no.

44:12 Adam I knew where to go. Went right to the master bedroom.

44:14 Drew Of course. That's where I was going.

44:16 Adam The reason, the reason I stole, installed a closet and some brackets in the bathroom, by the way, but the reason I installed a closet into the wrong, the wrong house is because, you know, it's the same houses have the same address as one street over the one behind it. And I lived on one street and my apartment was on the other. My dad's house was on the other. When I looked at the address, I said, oh, that's my street. And somehow when I said, that's my street, at some point, my street, my old house and my new apartment or whatever it was, I went to the same, the address one street over. And I barged right in and it was a little Mexican maid. She's taking care of an infant. And I walked right in. I told her I had to head to the master bedroom, walked right in the master. Because they told me, go in the master bedroom, do the master bedroom closet and put some hooks up in the bathroom. And then something that is weird, my boss almost never said, he said, you gotta get paid. You gotta get paid. Usually just I would leave the invoice and that's it. They send the money, you know, but he said, pick up the check, which he never said before. So I went to the master bedroom, open the closet door, I was like, oh Christ, these bastards didn't clean the closet out.

45:30 Caller It was packed full of crap. So they start taking everything, throw it on the bed.

45:35 Adam I was angry. It's like, oh man, you know, we tell them, we make these, we, you know, we book these things weeks in advance. People are told they gotta clean the closet out.

45:44 Drew Didn't take a beat and go, is it?

45:46 Adam Nah, once in a while you beat a house where they, no, I committed. Took the whole closet, put the whole closet on the bed, ripped out the old stuff, put in the new stuff, went to the bathroom, put some robe hooks up or something.

45:58 Drew You're putting elaborate shelves and everything in, right?

46:00 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

46:02 Adam And it wasn't the biggest job I ever did, but it was a closet, a master bedroom, you know? And then I told the lady to sign up and need some money. She's like, do you need some money? She's like, okay.

46:14 Caller It's like, por la queso.

46:15 Adam That's all I could say. She said, no, no, no, what? And I said, the money, you gotta pay the money. The invoice, I'm showing the invoice. And she went and said, you know, she went and got a piece of mail that had the address on it. She held it next to the invoice with the same address, but the wrong street name on it. And that's when I realized. And she saw the panic in me and she started running for the phone. I started running for the bedroom to back those screws out and get the hell out of Dodge. So I just backed everything out and hit the road.

46:44 Drew Did you repack the closet?

46:47 Adam I had to demo out the closet.

46:52 Caller I don't know what the hell they found when they got home.

46:56 Adam Yeah, it's got to be a weird one. And I'm sure the maid never really fully explained it correctly.

47:01 Caller All right.

47:02 Drew That's the scene from a movie.

47:03 Caller Way to go, Chris. That could be you one day. Good times. Yeah.

47:08 Adam We'll take a little break. We'll be right back after this. Madam, that's the good doctor, Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Ben Stein in here tomorrow night from Son of the Mask, which is, well, it's been a while. It's been a good 11 years or so since The Mask came out.

48:01 Drew Oh my God, that's right.

48:03 Adam Yeah?

48:03 Drew Wow.

48:04 Adam Jim Carrey, Cameron Diaz.

48:05 Drew Yeah.

48:07 Adam I mean, isn't that movie in 94, 95?

48:11 Drew Yeah, I think you're right.

48:12 Adam Somewhere in there, 10, 11 years, no problem. It's really weird, by the way. If you have TiVo, you have TiVo, you start or even just satellite cable. For some reason with TiVo, you see the year every movie came out, just cruising through the paper channels or the premium channels. Like you see these movies, The Crying Game, I saw it then. I was like, what?

48:43 Drew I don't want to know.

48:43 Adam Was it 85? What the? It's weird.

48:47 Drew What is it, 85?

48:48 Adam I think it was like 92. Some of them are later than you think.

48:52 Drew I feel better.

48:53 Caller Yeah, but then you realize 92 was 13 years ago. Now, you don't feel good anymore, do you?

48:58 Drew Oh, God.

48:58 Adam Now, 13 years ago, engineer Chris was still in junior college.

49:02 Drew Oh, he turned. Oh, he went back. He went back like you went back. But I kind of feel like since 9-11, things like accelerated. Yeah, there's so much going on in the world. It's just hard to even keep track of things.

49:15 Caller Yeah, the mask was 94.

49:17 Caller 94. Look at that, buddy.

49:18 Drew Way off, Adam, way off.

49:20 Adam I said 94.

49:20 I know.

49:22 Adam Fast, though.

49:22 Drew It's good.

49:23 Adam Yeah.

49:23 Drew What happened during your college?

49:24 Caller Yeah.

49:25 Adam Anderson probably found it a couple of minutes before Chris did.

49:29 Caller A couple of seconds before. He's not going to say anything because I was right.

49:32 Caller Anderson was like, what?

49:34 Caller Uh, uh.

49:36 Adam He was right.

49:36 Caller All right.

49:37 Adam I got to sit in my lip.

49:38 Caller All right.

49:39 Caller What are you guys talking about? I have no clue.

49:41 Caller Thanks, buddy.

49:42 Adam Jennifer?

49:43 Caller Yeah.

49:47 Caller What's up?

49:48 Caller Um, like I said before, my boyfriend and I have been going out for about 10 months and he is like, like the first time around, it lasts about five minutes or less when we have sex. And then after that, it's like, it lasts like way too long.

50:09 Drew How long would you like him to last?

50:13 Caller I don't know, more than five minutes, I don't know, like 10, 20 minutes or something.

50:17 Caller Okay, well, then what's too long?

50:19 Drew Right.

50:20 Caller Well, I'll go for more than an hour the second time around. It's like, oh my God.

50:24 Drew Have you, have you told him that you'd like to stop before that?

50:29 Caller Well, yeah, we usually do, because we both kind of get tired of it, you know?

50:33 Drew Yeah, he's not going to have another orgasm. He's doing that because he thinks it's impressing you and you like it.

50:37 Adam Oh, is he not having a second orgasm?

50:41 Caller Sometimes, most of the time, no. If we get tired, we'll really stop.

50:45 Drew Yeah, but, Jenner, he's doing that for you. So if he wants to know-

50:48 Caller Why did he come so quickly the first time?

50:50 Drew Because that's him. That's normal. Five minutes about, you know, a little, little in the fast side, but it's okay.

50:57 Adam Well, first off, it's a lifetime to a man of passion, like passing through. Of course. Five minutes. He spent five minutes under ice, in a lake in Minnesota. I mean, that's what that five minutes feels like for Dr. Drew.

51:09 Drew What's that?

51:10 Adam Passionate.

51:11 Drew By the way, the clock starts ticking at the moment to set your sights. Oh, yeah.

51:17 Caller Yeah, no, yeah.

51:17 Drew Not the actual intercourse part.

51:19 Caller No, I dare you.

51:20 Caller Up the path, there was bachelor pad is when he set that clock.

51:24 Adam Turn that, turn that sand, sandglass over.

51:27 Caller Pow.

51:27 Adam I was going to say hourglass, but no way, no way.

51:31 Caller All right, sorry. What's that, Jennifer?

51:33 Caller He, like, after we're done, like, the first time around, he's always talking about, you know, he's no good because he doesn't last long enough and all this other stuff. And I'm just like, well, what can we do to make it last long or the first time, you know?

51:47 Drew He can masturbate just beforehand, so you'll really be getting him round two.

51:53 Caller Yeah, that's true.

51:55 Drew That's what he needs to do, basically.

51:56 Adam Well, that's about it.

51:57 Drew But Jennifer, you guys have very strange ideas about this. His rhythm is the five minutes. That's him. Yours is 20 minutes. You need to figure out a way to make it work for both of you. And it's not going to be that he's suddenly going to change his rhythm any more than you're going to change yours. Why can't you go in five minutes? You're not going to do that. That's not how it works for you.

52:17 Adam You know, as human beings, we really, I don't know, it's got to be a 500 billion, gazillion dollar industry every year changing whatever.

52:31 Drew Really intrinsic qualities.

52:33 Caller Yeah, here's-

52:34 Drew Things that just are about you.

52:35 Adam Here's the thing. Guys have their clock. Some guys go in 10 seconds, some guys go in 10 minutes, some guys go in 10 hours.

52:43 Caller That's it.

52:45 Adam We would like the guys who go in 10 hours to write a book. They should no sooner write a book than the guy goes in 10 minutes or the guy goes in 10 seconds.

52:52 Drew Nor then Christie Brinkley should write a book about how to be her.

52:55 Adam Right.

52:55 Caller You know what it's like?

52:56 Adam It's like some people can taco their tongue. You just roll it up. Other guys can't do it. Should the guy taco his tongue write a book on how to taco his tongue? You just can do it. Some people can do it. Some people can have one eyeball looking one way and an eyeball. They just can't. They can roll their R's. They can do accents. They can do dialects. Some people are fat. Some people are skinny. Some people have a big nose. Some people have a small nose. Some people get horrible diseases for no reason. Others are fine into their 90s. The guy who's in 90s, oh, he drank and he smoked. Oh, how does this work? What did the environment do to the guy who died prematurely? Must be something. Always looking for an answer. The answer is a certain amount of people do this. A certain amount of people do that. Yeah, if the guy's working in the shipbuilding industry and he's spraying as best as 12 hours a day, that's something. But that part where it's like, he was too close to the power lines growing up. You know, this kind of nonsense. He worried too much. You know, all this nuts, all people wanna do.

53:59 Drew We're way more resilient than that. And by the way, how free of any of that were we in nature? Stress and affections and things.

54:07 Adam No, it's just certain people have horrible diseases and they get horrible things happen to them. Certain people go gray when they're 25. Certain guys lose their, start losing their hair at 22, 23. Other guys, they got a thick black head of hair in their sixties.

54:22 Caller Should they be writing books?

54:24 Adam Is there something they've done? And people love to do that. Well, you know what it is.

54:28 Caller I get up every morning, I drink myself a big glass of buttermilk.

54:32 Adam Oh, that's fantastic.

54:33 Drew That's it. There we go.

54:35 Adam Yeah, it's like the guys who have the big muscular calves. What is it?

54:38 Caller Oh, well, you know what?

54:40 Caller I take the stairs.

54:41 Adam Everyone else takes the elevator. Oh, that's wicked. This huge bodybuilder type calf.

54:46 Caller Yeah. Yeah, I take the stairs.

54:49 Caller Really?

54:50 Adam You can see tennis players have skinny calves. They've been playing them in a pro circuit for 13 years. They got nothing.

54:55 Caller Right. Really?

54:56 Adam You go up to the second floor via the fire stairs. And you can do that for nine months.

55:00 Caller I forget there's two big balls.

55:01 Right.

55:02 Adam I don't mean balls, but you know what I'm saying.

55:03 Drew Caps.

55:04 Caller Yeah. That's how it got there.

55:05 Yeah.

55:05 Adam That's all we do. That's all we do. And then we want to basically then what we want to do is the guy's got the big calves, he's got to write a book. The guy at the big nose, he needs to be punished.

55:15 Caller Right.

55:17 Adam Hey, Baldy with the schnoz.

55:18 Caller Yeah.

55:19 Adam Let's make fun of you. You, a hot chick, run straight yourself a book. We're going to learn how to be hot.

55:26 Drew Now, in these two couples' case, this couple, they need to learn how to manage their differences in a way that's satisfying for both of them.

55:34 Caller Yeah.

55:34 Drew Not change their differences, manage them.

55:37 Caller Right.

55:37 Drew It's a little different.

55:38 Adam And the reason I bring this up is because she thinks, Jennifer thinks, I believe that was her name.

55:44 Drew I can't remember. She shot herself long ago in this conversation.

55:47 Adam Jennifer, of course about to too. Jennifer thinks because she lives in our crappy society, well, what can he do? What can we do? What can we do?

55:55 Caller Yeah.

55:56 Adam There's a cure for everything. There's a pill for everything. There's a book for everything. There's a video for everything. Now, and then you start blaming the person.

56:02 Drew Right. That she's angry and resentful with him. Why is he only five minutes?

56:07 Adam I don't think you should blame a guy bussing nut at five minutes any more than you should blame a guy for being short or having small calves or having skinny calves or big studs.

56:19 Caller What were they thinking?

56:21 Drew What were they thinking?

56:23 Adam What weren't they thinking?

56:24 Drew And why did the FCC get on that?

56:26 Caller They did eventually.

56:27 Drew Did they?

56:28 Caller It disappeared after a few weeks.

56:30 Drew I think just because they slunk away in shame having realized what they'd created.

56:34 Caller Yeah. They did it to get the young buyers, I think.

56:37 Drew No. I don't think they had any idea what they were doing.

56:39 Caller Well, then who wrote it? Of course they did, Drew.

56:41 Drew I bet they didn't.

56:43 Caller Well, the old guys that approved it had no idea.

56:45 Drew Yeah. The old guys that approved it really didn't understand what they were doing.

56:47 Caller But the people that wrote it knew.

56:48 Drew Maybe. Yeah. They were laughing their ass off.

56:50 Adam Oh, is that Corn Nuts?

56:51 Drew I think so.

57:00 Caller No, it was worse than that, though. They'd say like go behind closed door, lock the door and bust a nut. I mean, we got like details.

57:07 Drew But when it first came up, people are looking at each other like, What? Are they kidding? It's a joke.

57:12 Adam I didn't even really notice. All I knew is I needed to snack and beat off. I need some salty snack.

57:19 Caller And man, I got to go at it myself. I'd just be driving my car, think of it.

57:24 Drew Prove positive whatever it does. Subliminal.

57:27 Caller It works.

57:27 Adam It's powerful.

57:28 Caller Yeah.

57:29 Adam Yeah. There's this new McDonald's commercial I just saw today where the guys got the brothers talking about the Big Mac saying, I'd hit that. It basically means I'd screw that.

57:41 Caller Yeah.

57:41 Adam I don't think the executives quite knew what that one was either.

57:45 Drew Anyway, so he needs to maybe master it beforehand or she needs to relax and communicate more with him about what she needed. Because guys think that a girl needs to go all night, that it's going to be great. The longer I go, the better.

57:55 Caller Right.

57:55 Drew No, you've got your rhythm. You have, after a certain period of time, it's out only. Then they get angry and resentful like, are you done yet?

58:03 Adam They usually fake an orgasm to get you off. Penny?

58:07 Hey there.

58:08 Adam Hey 17, what's up?

58:11 I'm finding that about 20 minutes after I have sex where I come really hard, I'm getting excessively wet and I wondered what that could be.

58:20 Drew 20 minutes later, all of a sudden you get something coming out?

58:22 Yeah, well 20 minutes is a rough estimate, sometimes it's 10, but usually a good while afterwards.

58:31 Drew Do you have a female ejaculation do you think?

58:34 I've been guessing that I have, but I wondered why it was not happening at the time of.

58:41 Drew See, I'm wondering if it is happening at the time of and just some more comes just down later, it works its way down.

58:46 Caller You think that's possible?

58:47 Drew Yeah, yeah, sure.

58:48 Caller All righty.

58:49 Drew It's just like any other discharge, it's you have some secretions and they eventually work their way out. It does not come out with force necessarily.

58:56 Caller Yeah.

58:57 Adam It's probably just the remnants of your last orgasm.

59:00 Drew Right.

59:01 I see.

59:03 Caller Way ahead of the game.

59:04 Caller 17, honey, yeah.

59:05 Caller You got a boyfriend?

59:07 Yes, I do.

59:07 Drew Multi-orgasmic.

59:09 Adam Are you multi-orgasmic?

59:10 Caller Yes, I am.

59:12 Caller Wow.

59:13 Caller Oh, you got to write a book.

59:15 Caller Yeah.

59:16 Caller Drew knew it.

59:18 Adam It's right. All right. So there you go. You're the one who has the multiple orgasms where every chick I've been with is the one that doesn't have any.

59:26 Drew She's been hoarding them. Yeah.

59:29 Adam Bogarting the O's. You owe me some orgasms, baby. You don't know what you've done to my self-esteem.

59:35 Caller Yeah. I'll send those over.

59:38 Caller Please, please do.

59:40 Adam Yeah, do one of those envelopes. And by the way, let me say this.

59:43 Caller Wow.

59:44 Adam Penny.

59:45 Caller Who names your kid Penny anymore?

59:48 Drew Like a Pee-bee Herman cartoon.

59:50 Caller Yeah. All right.

59:52 Adam Let me say this about sending stuff. I don't know if you've noticed this. There's two things that are driving me nuts with getting crap in the mail. There's the packing peanuts where you pop the thing open, and then the stuff just goes blowing out of the thing, goes blowing like down the driveway, and you can't. And then there's this other one. There's this envelope that seems to be filled.

1:00:12 Drew Oh, with sawdust.

1:00:14 Caller Yeah.

1:00:15 Drew Oh.

1:00:15 Caller Now, you know what that...

1:00:17 Drew No matter how you open it, it's just like asbestos flying all over the room.

1:00:21 Caller Right.

1:00:22 Adam That is an envelope that is filled with like fiber.

1:00:27 Drew Yeah.

1:00:28 Adam And it's... I'll think of the name of it in a second. But it's like insulation. Yes. And you tear it open, it just goes flying everywhere. And it's like, really?

1:00:39 Drew But even when you use scissors, it'll still...

1:00:42 Adam Who's playing with this?

1:00:43 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:00:43 Adam By the way, once you give me a break and just send some anthrax over in a regular envelope, I'll be much nicer than this mess.

1:00:52 Caller Sure.

1:00:53 Adam I really...

1:00:53 Caller More honest.

1:00:54 Adam Just send a regular mineral envelope with some anthrax in it.

1:00:56 Caller It'll be fantastic.

1:00:57 Adam At least not one of those goddamn envelopes that just sheds everywhere when you crack it open.

1:01:02 Drew It's more merciful, too.

1:01:04 Adam It's a quicker, more dignified death, other than the one of you down on your knees cleaning up that crap.

1:01:09 Drew And inhaling the fiber.

1:01:11 Yeah.

1:01:12 Caller Yeah.

1:01:13 Adam Celluloid.

1:01:14 Drew Stacey, is that what it's called?

1:01:15 Caller Yeah.

1:01:17 Drew Stacey's 19. Stacey, stop listening to that radio.

1:01:19 Adam It's basically news... Cellulose, I should say. It's basically a newspaper pulp.

1:01:26 Caller Celluloid is film.

1:01:27 Adam Cellulose is that newspaper pulp.

1:01:30 Caller Stacey? Yes. Wait a minute.

1:01:32 Adam Why is celluloid...

1:01:34 Caller Look up cellulose.

1:01:35 Drew Cellulose is a plant fiber. Celluloid is a plastic. The film.

1:01:39 Caller Yeah.

1:01:41 Adam What's the cellu part?

1:01:42 Caller The cell?

1:01:46 Drew I'll look it up.

1:01:46 Caller You don't want to think about the Latin prefix and stuff.

1:01:49 Caller Yeah.

1:01:50 Adam Stacey?

1:01:51 Caller Yes.

1:01:52 Caller You're 19?

1:01:53 Caller Yes.

1:01:54 Caller What's up?

1:01:55 Drew You know what I think cellulose is? Cellulose is linear like boxcars of plant cells.

1:02:01 Caller All right.

1:02:01 Drew That's a group of fibers.

1:02:02 Caller Yeah.

1:02:02 Drew And celluloid is like that in a long strip.

1:02:05 Caller Ah.

1:02:06 Caller It makes sense.

1:02:09 Drew Oid is sort of like. Ish. Ish. Cellulose ish.

1:02:14 Caller Sorry. Stacey, go ahead.

1:02:16 Caller OK. So I go to a Christian university. And I have two roommates. And I just started there this year. And I'm finding myself to be really attracted to them. And this is like a huge problem. Because I have like all my family is Christian.

1:02:34 Caller So I don't know what to do because it's really unacceptable.

1:02:39 Drew Are you lesbian?

1:02:41 Caller Um, I would say bisexual.

1:02:47 Caller Hold on.

1:02:48 Adam I hear people yapping.

1:02:50 Caller No way. Go tell them this.

1:02:52 Caller Now first I heard that.

1:02:53 Drew Yeah, the giggling.

1:02:54 Caller The little peep.

1:02:55 Adam This has got to be bogus, right?

1:02:57 Caller Yeah, but let's see it through.

1:03:00 Caller As bogus calls go.

1:03:01 Drew Yes.

1:03:02 Caller It's a solid one.

1:03:03 Caller Yeah. Stacey?

1:03:05 Caller Yes.

1:03:06 Caller Are your roommates attractive?

1:03:09 Caller Yeah, like it's really hard because it will change in front of me and all this stuff. And we kind of joker.

1:03:14 Drew Hold on a second, Stacey. You know, this is the one they picked to put up for this. I mean, you can tell she's the Stacey. Stacey will do it. She'll carry it on.

1:03:22 Adam Theater major.

1:03:23 Caller Yeah.

1:03:25 Caller So, your roommates, what do they look like?

1:03:27 Caller Well, there's one, Jennifer, and she's like really tall and blonde.

1:03:31 Caller Oh, yeah. Jennifer.

1:03:31 Drew Do you want to use her last name, too, so you can really...

1:03:33 Caller Yeah. Jennifer's what?

1:03:35 Adam She's tall?

1:03:36 Caller She's tall and blonde, surfer type girl.

1:03:39 Adam What cup size are we talking about?

1:03:42 Caller Oh, like C.

1:03:43 Adam C cup. All right.

1:03:44 Caller Big C.

1:03:46 Adam Big C.

1:03:47 Drew See, the provo at Pepperdiner, Mount St. Mary, is going to be angry tomorrow.

1:03:49 Adam And then who's the other one?

1:03:52 Caller My other roommate's Allison.

1:03:54 Caller Allison.

1:03:55 Drew Of course.

1:03:56 Caller What's she look like?

1:03:57 Caller She's kind of more athletic, like shorter girl.

1:04:00 Caller She plays softball.

1:04:02 Drew Uh-oh.

1:04:04 Adam You may find a home there.

1:04:08 Caller Yeah. Is she lesbian?

1:04:10 Caller Is she what?

1:04:11 Adam Is she lesbian?

1:04:12 Caller No, I don't know.

1:04:14 Caller Neither of them are lesbian.

1:04:16 Adam Which one do you like more?

1:04:19 Caller Oh, gosh.

1:04:20 Drew You know, you notice where the bogus call starts breaking down.

1:04:22 Caller Yeah, they just...

1:04:23 Drew They can't sustain it. It's like, why not lesbian? How dare you? How dare you impugn my roommates like that?

1:04:29 Caller Yeah.

1:04:30 Adam Yeah, go ahead, Stacey.

1:04:31 Caller You're into which one?

1:04:32 Caller Probably Jen.

1:04:34 Caller Yeah, Jennifer's hot.

1:04:36 Adam She's got the pink C cup. Well, now, you're a Christian?

1:04:43 Caller Yeah. Well, am I Christian?

1:04:46 Caller Yeah.

1:04:47 Caller Um, not really. My family is.

1:04:50 Adam So you don't care?

1:04:51 Drew You a Mormon?

1:04:52 Caller No.

1:04:53 Caller Okay.

1:04:54 Adam So why don't you, why don't you just go for it?

1:04:57 Caller Why don't I go for it?

1:04:58 Caller Yeah.

1:05:00 Caller Because I don't, they wouldn't like, they wouldn't be into that.

1:05:04 Drew Why don't you just hand the phone over to them since they're sitting there anyway?

1:05:06 Caller Yeah.

1:05:07 Drew Because we'll talk to them.

1:05:07 Caller Let me talk to the hot one.

1:05:09 Caller Oh no, they're really not with me.

1:05:11 Drew Well, just hand her over.

1:05:12 Adam Whoever's in the room.

1:05:14 Drew Hand the phone along.

1:05:14 Caller You want to talk to one of my roommates?

1:05:15 Drew Sure.

1:05:16 Adam Yeah.

1:05:16 Caller Are you about that?

1:05:18 Drew Yeah, we're positive.

1:05:18 Caller Okay, hold on. Hello?

1:05:22 Caller Hello?

1:05:22 Drew It's Jennifer or softball player?

1:05:24 Caller Allison.

1:05:25 Drew Allison.

1:05:25 Caller This is Jen.

1:05:27 Caller Jen.

1:05:28 Drew Jen, of course.

1:05:29 Adam C-Cup Plus?

1:05:31 Caller Yeah.

1:05:32 Adam That's nice.

1:05:33 Caller Are you into Stacey at all?

1:05:37 Caller Stacey's pretty hot. She's a nice ass.

1:05:38 Caller Really?

1:05:39 Caller Well, she's a softball player.

1:05:41 Caller She plays softball.

1:05:42 Drew She plays softball.

1:05:43 Caller She plays softball, too?

1:05:45 Caller Huh?

1:05:46 Adam Does she play softball, too?

1:05:48 Caller Yeah.

1:05:49 Drew Jen's got a little junior college going here, doesn't she?

1:05:52 Caller Jen, what happened? You know, the dean?

1:05:55 Adam How'd you get into this college?

1:05:57 Caller Um, well, I got them a financial aid, so I went.

1:06:03 Drew They offered you financial aid because you're a sport, a athlete or something?

1:06:06 Caller C-Cup.

1:06:07 Caller Yeah, and I was a valedictorian in my high school.

1:06:10 Caller Oh, really?

1:06:11 Drew Where'd you grow up?

1:06:13 Caller Mexico.

1:06:13 Palmdale.

1:06:14 Adam Palmdale.

1:06:15 Drew Oh, same thing.

1:06:16 Caller All right.

1:06:17 Adam Anyone who just finished high school in Palmdale is a valedictorian.

1:06:21 Caller All right. All right.

1:06:23 Adam So, Jen? Now, is Stacey... We know this is sort of a bogus fall.

1:06:29 Drew Sort of bogus.

1:06:29 Caller Well, they're completely bogus.

1:06:31 Caller Don't ruin it for me.

1:06:32 Adam There still could be some interest with the two of you, Ryan.

1:06:36 Caller Well, yeah, I guess so.

1:06:37 I mean, I've made out with girls before, but...

1:06:40 Caller You have.

1:06:40 Caller My roommates are hot.

1:06:42 Adam Well, look, here's the thing. If you guys want to cut through the lesbian haze...

1:06:47 Drew She's made up with girls to impress guys.

1:06:49 Caller Yeah.

1:06:49 Drew That's one of those things.

1:06:50 Adam We'll cut through the lesbian haze. You have a couple of wine coolers.

1:06:54 Drew Is that the lesbian haze cutter?

1:06:56 Adam They're not going to make it through otherwise.

1:06:58 Drew I see.

1:06:58 Adam You don't have to do this at noon on a Sunday. You know what I mean? You got to have a couple of boozes.

1:07:03 Caller I see. I'm just telling you how it is.

1:07:06 Adam Chris, you find that cellulose?

1:07:09 Caller Yeah.

1:07:10 Caller Plant fiber?

1:07:12 Caller Let me see.

1:07:14 Caller It's coming.

1:07:16 Drew You look up dictionary.com. Cellulose. What's it say?

1:07:19 Caller It's a complex carbohydrate that is composed of glucose units. It forms the main...

1:07:28 Drew Core of the cell wall...

1:07:30 Caller .constituent of the cell wall.

1:07:31 Caller Yeah.

1:07:31 Drew The cell wall. The cellulose is the cell wall of the plant.

1:07:35 Caller Yeah.

1:07:37 Adam When they blow...

1:07:37 Drew Celluloid must be something similar for the material.

1:07:39 Adam When they blow that fiber, when they blow that insulation into your house, that cellulose, it's newspaper.

1:07:46 Caller It's the ground of newspaper.

1:07:48 Drew Which is what cellulose is, which is plant. It's a tree.

1:07:51 Adam Alright. So we're all learning something. That's the point.

1:07:55 Drew So six.

1:07:56 Caller Alright. You want to go to line six?

1:07:58 Adam You can't believe in two weeks after quitting...

1:08:01 Caller Quitting...

1:08:03 Adam Let's take a break.

1:08:03 Caller Alright.

1:08:04 Adam Let's take a break. We'll take a little break. Ben Stein in studio tomorrow night. And we'll be right back after this.

1:08:12 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:08:30 Adam Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline, Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-R. All right, back to the phones, we go. Samantha, 22, what's up?

1:08:48 Caller I know I've done some research online, and I've tried to talk to my urologist, but he won't talk to me without actually seeing my boyfriend.

1:08:54 Drew All right, you're a urologist, why do you have a urologist?

1:08:57 Caller You're 22.

1:08:57 Caller I have interstitial cystitis.

1:08:59 Caller Oh boy.

1:09:00 Caller I have endometriosis. I'm just a bunch of medical problems.

1:09:04 Drew Yeah.

1:09:05 Adam I like the idea, the thought of him not talking to her.

1:09:08 Drew Yeah, that tells you something.

1:09:10 Adam I think my boyfriend is epi-dynamite.

1:09:13 Drew Oh no.

1:09:16 Adam Is it contagious? Well, can you just tell me if I can continue to have?

1:09:25 Caller I just like to not talk.

1:09:26 Adam She's nuts because she has that interstitial cystitis or whatever the hell it is.

1:09:31 Drew Well, and endometriosis.

1:09:33 Caller Uh-oh.

1:09:34 Adam Abuse. That means abuse.

1:09:36 Caller Samantha, what happened?

1:09:38 Caller There was no abuse.

1:09:39 Caller I just, I've, I've always, I've been sick.

1:09:41 Caller I've had a buttload of medical problems.

1:09:44 Drew So what do you got? What's the problem?

1:09:46 Caller Um, I've got migraines. I've got TMJ. I had colon cancer and I've got endometriosis.

1:09:53 Drew Hold on a second. What do you mean you had colon cancer?

1:09:56 Caller I had, there was a, I had a malignant tumor.

1:09:59 Caller And I actually, that was another question I want to ask you. Um, I had a right hemicolectomy.

1:10:04 Drew Wow.

1:10:04 Caller And it took out about a foot of my colon. I was just wondering, this is kind of strange. Um, I want to try anal sex, but I don't know if I'm allowed to.

1:10:13 Drew Samantha, you are an enigma wrapped up in a puzzle.

1:10:16 Caller Yeah.

1:10:18 Drew Uh, okay. Having the hemicolectomy.

1:10:20 Adam That's going to be tough, uh, tough for the doctors, Dr. Drew, when you have to inform your patient, they may never, uh, pack fudge again.

1:10:28 Drew Well, that's, that's, that's usually where I start.

1:10:30 Adam As a doctor.

1:10:31 Drew I just, you know, whatever kind of fudge packer you can.

1:10:33 Caller Give it a straight dope, doc, I can take it.

1:10:35 Drew Uh, first of all, you'll have to leave the union. No more union fudge packing for you. Uh, real freelance. Uh, we'll talk. Uh, this, the hemicolectomy and for, well, here's what I find most confusing. First of all, you realize colon cancer at your age is exceedingly rare. I know. How did they, how did you present with that? What was your presenting symptoms?

1:10:58 Caller Um, well, I had a laparoscopy in August of 2002 to confirm the diagnosis of a neutralizer.

1:11:04 Drew How did you in, oh yeah, okay.

1:11:06 Caller And then he, um, it was laparoscopal pain. He said that my appendix was incredibly inflamed, so he took it out.

1:11:11 Drew Right.

1:11:12 Caller And then they found an appendiceal carcinoid completely.

1:11:15 Drew That's not, that's not, that's not colon cancer. That's carcinoid.

1:11:18 Caller Yeah. And then, but they, they said they were like, you know, we left a piece in there and it's grown.

1:11:22 Drew Yeah, that's carcinoid. Samantha, Samantha, do not tell people you had colon cancer. You had carcinoid.

1:11:26 Caller What's that?

1:11:27 Drew It's a, it's a common tumor in, that's curable in the appendix. In fact, some people believe that most serious episodes of appendicitis are caused by carcinoid.

1:11:36 Caller Carcinoid?

1:11:36 Drew Carcinoid is just a tumor in the appendix. It's not a big deal. That's not colon cancer, okay?

1:11:41 Caller Okay, cause they made like, they were like, we have to do this or you can die.

1:11:44 Drew Yes, they do have to do, yes, they do have to do it. It can get out of control. It can be a serious issue if it goes completely untreated, but that's not adenocarcinoma of the colon. It's something totally, totally different.

1:11:54 Caller Yeah.

1:11:54 Adam You don't get, chicks don't get that at 20.

1:11:56 Drew No, they do not get that, and all of the syndromes you have really are in the sort of psycho-physiologic realm, the TMJ, the fibromyalgia, the interstitial cystitis, I mean these are real things, but they have a, they tend to happen in people that have trauma histories, I'll tell you that.

1:12:12 Caller What's up Samantha, anything?

1:12:14 Caller No, my dad is in prison as of late.

1:12:19 Drew Prison for what?

1:12:19 Caller Just anything, just burglary.

1:12:22 Drew Oh, just that.

1:12:22 Caller I mean he didn't kill anyone, he didn't kill my mom.

1:12:24 Drew No, I mean most dads are in jail for a drug.

1:12:26 Adam Yeah, my dad did a stint in Rolland, actually.

1:12:30 Caller But no, I mean, I didn't know what he was going to do.

1:12:32 Drew He wanted some of that bayfront property on San Quentin, and he didn't know what way to get that.

1:12:36 Caller He was in the joint, he was in the joint for a while.

1:12:38 Adam How long was your dad in the joint for?

1:12:42 Caller On and off until I was four, and then he went away for 15 years.

1:12:46 Adam On and off. Petty thievery, obviously.

1:12:49 Drew Recurrent burglaries?

1:12:51 Caller Yes.

1:12:52 Drew Drug addict? He's a drug addict.

1:12:56 Caller Both my parents were.

1:13:00 Drew That is a highly traumatic family system, and that's where a lot of the stuff comes from that you're dealing with. So I do suggest you deal with the underlying issues here, which are being a child of an addict.

1:13:10 Caller I don't have any insurance anymore because no one will cover me.

1:13:13 Drew Yeah, but you don't have medical problems.

1:13:15 Adam No one will cover you because you're nuts.

1:13:17 Drew Yeah, these are more in the realm of what are called somatoform disorders. I don't want to have 1,000 phone calls from people with interstitial cystitis. I get the real thing. Yes, I understand it is. But I'm talking to Samantha, her case. Nobody else's. I don't want to hear from anybody else. For Samantha, this is clearly a trauma issue. And you have some medical problems sprinkled around here and there. And God knows the stress, the trauma may have caused some medical problems.

1:13:41 Adam I explain.

1:13:41 Drew But the epididymitis.

1:13:42 Adam Explain, Drew.

1:13:43 Drew What?

1:13:44 Adam I just mean, you know, you know and we know that when someone has suffered trauma because they have one or more, it's usually more, of these sort of diseases or tr- or, or, or-

1:13:58 Drew Syndrome. Syndrome.

1:13:59 Adam Syndrome.

1:13:59 Drew Syndrome. They're not diseases.

1:14:00 Adam They don't seem to strike people that grew up in healthy, normal families.

1:14:04 Drew And they tend to overstate their disorders. You know, I have colon cancer. But now I know she was traumatized by the intrusions that had me. She had a part of her colon taken out for carcinoid. A whole different thing. A whole different thing. But states it up front is I've got colon cancer. And I've got this, and this, and this, and this. And none of those things add up to much of anything.

1:14:22 Adam What are the main ones you look for?

1:14:23 Caller You look for the fibromyalgia, right?

1:14:25 Drew Fibromyalgia, which is to me more often than not a sleep disorder. That, and that it's very serious, and it's a very painful and serious condition, but predominantly it's a sleep disturbance.

1:14:33 Caller Here's what it is.

1:14:34 Drew Common in trauma survivors.

1:14:36 Adam It was Epstein-Barr virus at one time.

1:14:38 Drew It was originally Neurostenium.

1:14:40 Caller Oh, really?

1:14:41 Drew Then it became chronic fatigue.

1:14:42 Caller Great movie, by the way.

1:14:44 Drew Then it became chronic fatigue syndrome.

1:14:45 Caller I thought it was Epstein-Barr, then chronic fatigue.

1:14:47 Adam You're right. I know, because I think my mom had some of these.

1:14:49 Drew Right. Then now it's a fibromyalgia. Right. It's had the same syndrome, different names.

1:14:54 Caller Let me explain what it's called, depression.

1:14:56 Drew Depression is usually a part of it. Anti-depressants, strangely enough, are the only thing that have been effective against it.

1:15:02 Adam When you're depressed, it's hard to get out of bed.

1:15:04 Drew Well, your sleep is profoundly disturbed, and when your sleep is that disturbed, you hurt when you wake up.

1:15:08 Adam Yeah, and when you're going to a horrible job and you're in a horrible relationship and everything is horrible, you just don't want to get out of bed in the morning.

1:15:14 Drew You had that. You kind of had that, right?

1:15:15 Caller Yeah. I didn't want to get out of bed.

1:15:17 Drew But you had the back pain and the aches and the misery.

1:15:19 Caller Yeah.

1:15:21 Drew The dread, low back pain is part of this.

1:15:23 Caller Problem with my urethral lining.

1:15:25 Adam You know, it was always upper back for me, by the way. But well, here's the thing. I slept on a futon. I had too many head collisions playing football. And then I was doing construction all day. So but that makes with being depressed.

1:15:42 Drew But TMJ goes along with it and chronic pelvic, unexplained pelvic pain, unexplained urinary symptoms, all these things, irritable bowel syndrome. They all are in that spectrum. Not that they aren't all significant symptoms unto themselves.

1:15:54 Adam No, but if you saw, if you're talking to someone who had four or five of these things.

1:15:58 Drew You go, and you give you a certain feeling as Samantha does.

1:16:00 Adam Say, what about the abuse?

1:16:01 Drew That's right. Filled that in for us. So the Epididymitis anyway, is an inflammation of his urethral tract and his urogenital tract that settles in the Epididymus. It can be bacterial, can be just inflammatory. It is usually not contagious, though there is a chlamydia and gonococcal, gonorrhea form of this, but more often than not, it is not something contagious. Okay?

1:16:21 Caller Okay, but his doctor has given him antibiotics before and it always comes back?

1:16:25 Drew Yeah, it does tend to recur.

1:16:27 Caller Okay, and also I read that it can cause infertility.

1:16:30 Drew Yeah, yeah, I mean, recurring episodes, but it's a very common syndrome and doesn't usually cause a fertility issue.

1:16:37 Caller Have we spoken to you before?

1:16:39 Caller No, well I called last night, but I didn't get through. I was waiting on the phone.

1:16:42 Drew That's why I saw her call.

1:16:44 Adam Okay, listen, Samantha, get some help for your drug addict parents and what they put you through, would you?

1:16:49 Caller Okay.

1:16:49 Adam Please, stop bothering the doctors.

1:16:52 Drew That's why the urologist won't talk to you anymore.

1:16:54 Caller Yeah, that's why he's not talking to you.

1:16:56 Drew Doctors get scared when they don't know how to handle, you know, the complaints keep coming and coming and coming and there's not a real medical reason for it. And a healthy person, 22-year-old healthy person, and they just kind of push back a little bit as opposed to really going at what the primary issue is.

1:17:11 Caller Everything was fine growing up except for dad's in the joint, mom's in the drug addicts.

1:17:14 Drew Like everybody, both drug addicts, but you know what, oh, I didn't tell you that?

1:17:18 Caller Yeah.

1:17:18 Drew I neglected that part? Well, whose parents aren't?

1:17:22 Adam Yeah, I'll tell you, the joint's lucky my dad didn't go there, would have taken over.

1:17:26 Drew Yeah.

1:17:27 Adam Taken over.

1:17:28 Drew Well, yeah.

1:17:29 Caller Yeah, he got the-

1:17:30 Drew It'd be a quieter place though.

1:17:32 Adam He got the Mexican Mafia, he got the White Aryans, and then he got the Nappers.

1:17:36 Caller Dad would have-

1:17:37 Drew He would have organized that.

1:17:38 Caller Would have had a nap in. Yeah.

1:17:40 Drew They would have all joined that. It would have been cool.

1:17:42 Caller Want to protest against the food? Let's lie down and close our eyes.

1:17:49 Adam Yeah.

1:17:51 Caller Shana?

1:17:52 Caller Hi.

1:17:53 Caller You're 23?

1:17:54 Caller Yes.

1:17:55 Caller What's up?

1:17:56 Caller Well, about a month and a half ago, I stopped taking my DepaShot, where I was supposed to go get another shot, and I kind of missed it because school was ending in Christmas time, and all of a sudden at the beginning of January, my period started and wouldn't stop for about two weeks.

1:18:13 Caller Yeah.

1:18:13 Caller Extremely heavy.

1:18:14 Not even normal, and I'm normally a very heavy period.

1:18:17 Drew Well, when was the last time you had a period?

1:18:19 Adam No, Ken.

1:18:20 Caller We know that.

1:18:21 Drew When was the last time you had a period before that?

1:18:23 Caller About a year ago.

1:18:25 Caller All right.

1:18:25 Drew So you may have had some endometrial buildup, and now it's coming out.

1:18:29 I just started it again about three days ago.

1:18:33 Drew The period again or the shot again?

1:18:34 The period again.

1:18:35 Drew Yeah, you're bleeding. Listen, when you're on the shot, all bets are off. All bets are off with the period when you're on that depot shot. You bleed for three months, six months.

1:18:43 Caller What?

1:18:43 Caller Oh, go ahead.

1:18:45 Drew So you bleed for the first three months, sometimes the first six months, and when you stop, you can bleed. Yeah, it's very... Menstrual irregularities are terribly, terribly common with that shot.

1:18:53 Caller When are they going to work that out?

1:18:55 Drew Well, it's always going to be that way.

1:18:56 Caller It is.

1:18:57 Yeah.

1:18:58 Caller Got that to look forward to.

1:19:00 Drew Nice, huh?

1:19:00 Adam Yeah, and where are the breakthroughs coming? Got the patch, got the pill?

1:19:05 Drew Well, I think I'm kind of excited about the patch and the rings, the NuvaRing and the EvraPatch, because when you take birth control pills, the first thing it does... When you put something in your stomach, the first thing it does is go into your liver. So the liver sees this massive dose of hormones, and the liver can respond to that in funny ways. It first of all can get inflamed, but it can also change the level of circulating hormones. There's something called sex hormone binding globulin, which is...

1:19:28 Caller There's some of that in my hamper.

1:19:30 Drew Well, I'm sure it's quite plentiful in your hamper, and it binds testosterone very tightly. And so...

1:19:37 Caller Also tube socks.

1:19:38 Drew So it binds tube socks to...

1:19:40 Caller Well, spot welds them.

1:19:43 Drew It does.

1:19:43 Adam That is so true.

1:19:45 Drew Well, sometimes that won't even work. And so testosterone is what helps drive... Everyone's sex drive obviously, but especially women, if they don't have adequate levels of circulating testosterone, they can really have a drop in their libido. And so by raising sex hormone-binding lobium, they can drop free testosterone. So we have a lot of our callers kind of complain about this and that with their orgasmic function and their sexual libido. And I think the transdermal in the ring is a good potential solution to that.

1:20:11 Caller And how long does that last?

1:20:13 Drew Well, the patches are weak and the ring is a month.

1:20:17 Adam The ring that put the ring up, yeah, right?

1:20:19 Drew Show me that again. Where does it go?

1:20:20 Caller Pow! Oh, okay. Yeah.

1:20:22 Drew That's good.

1:20:23 Caller Roxanne?

1:20:24 Yes.

1:20:25 Caller You're 24? Calling from Anchorage, huh?

1:20:30 Yep, I'm calling from Anchorage.

1:20:32 Caller It's been a long time you get through.

1:20:33 Caller Yeah.

1:20:34 Adam Sounds like you're far away. You have a boyfriend that's 46?

1:20:39 Yes, I do.

1:20:40 Adam God bless him.

1:20:41 We've been together about six months now. And a friend of mine told me that one man is in his late 30s or early 40s that there's more of a chance when you have children that they will have like some type of mental disorder, like psycholarity or...

1:21:02 Drew That the children will?

1:21:04 Yeah, like if I want to have children, like I've been just the one who has children. And it kind of just worried me. I didn't know if this was just something that she had heard, you know, offhand, you know, I wasn't sure if there was any truth to this.

1:21:19 Drew Well, there's certainly issues with older women and increased difficulties with birth defects of various types. I'm not a great person to ask this one out, but I'm not off the top of my head aware of anything.

1:21:30 Adam I never hear anything.

1:21:31 Drew Not significant issues. Plenty of older guys having kids.

1:21:34 Adam Yeah.

1:21:34 Drew And really, for men, it's sort of a digital issue. Either that sperm can cause a conception or it can't. And if it's healthy enough to do it, usually it's...

1:21:43 Adam Yeah, so it's a problem that takes care of itself because if it's a bad load, it's not going to work.

1:21:49 Drew So to speak, yeah.

1:21:51 Adam It's not just going to have a bad seed and have a bad kid.

1:21:54 Drew Right, the seed never gets there.

1:21:55 Adam Doesn't work.

1:21:56 Caller Right.

1:21:57 Adam It's not mobile.

1:21:58 Caller Right.

1:21:58 Adam Yeah.

1:22:00 Caller All right. Chris, you ever check your sperm out, buddy?

1:22:04 Caller Of course.

1:22:05 Caller I have.

1:22:05 Drew What do you do?

1:22:06 Caller It's pretty good.

1:22:06 Drew Are you looking at a microphone, a microscope?

1:22:09 Caller I'm just kidding.

1:22:10 Drew Did a little sperm with Chris's head on it, like Homer?

1:22:12 Caller You want Drew to take a look at it?

1:22:14 Caller Okay.

1:22:14 Caller Because you got problems to hit him nowhere but in the glasses.

1:22:17 Drew That's all I can say.

1:22:18 Caller Yeah.

1:22:19 Caller Let's take a look.

1:22:20 Caller He doesn't want that crowd to catch him on the forehead or something.

1:22:24 Drew It was really cool in that MRI the other day when they suspend your sperm.

1:22:30 Adam They suspend your sperm?

1:22:31 Drew Because they show you those pictures.

1:22:34 Adam What do you mean? How do they do the MRI? They do it on a nut sack?

1:22:37 Drew In my head, remember the brain MRI?

1:22:39 Adam Yeah.

1:22:40 Drew As I mentioned, I was watching pictures of pornography and things during the MRI. I was seeing how your brain lights up. And then inevitably there's sperm? Sure.

1:22:49 Adam What do you mean there's sperm?

1:22:50 Drew I'm kidding.

1:22:50 Caller Oh, okay.

1:22:51 Adam Oh, Drew.

1:22:52 Caller I don't know when you're kidding.

1:22:54 Adam Drew kids once every nine years.

1:22:55 Caller I'm supposed to know when he's kidding?

1:22:59 Adam I know there's sperm in your head. Maybe there is.

1:23:02 Drew It's good times.

1:23:03 Adam All right.

1:23:04 Caller I learned that you're...

1:23:05 Caller Chris.

1:23:06 Drew Junior College. Hey, it's right, son.

1:23:09 Adam We'll give the secret handshake.

1:23:12 Caller You know the Junior College Secret Handshake?

1:23:14 Adam No. It's... you just miss hands, but you just...

1:23:18 Caller you try to shake, but you just kind of... you kind of screw it up.

1:23:21 Adam Got it.

1:23:21 Caller All right.

1:23:21 Adam We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:23:26 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:23:45 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew Benstein, the genius, the genius Benstein in here tomorrow night.

1:23:55 Drew You know what? In spite of the kind of posturing he used to sort of do in my direction, so to speak, I always really liked him.

1:24:03 Adam Yeah.

1:24:03 Drew I think he's a great talent, a great guy, an interesting guy, you know?

1:24:07 Adam Definitely interesting.

1:24:08 Drew One of a kind. There's only one Benstein.

1:24:11 Adam Yeah. Yeah, if you think about it, there really is only one Benstein, and it takes a true genius, especially to recognize genius. And that's his real genius.

1:24:23 Drew As you shall find out tomorrow.

1:24:24 Adam I hope so. Tim?

1:24:28 Caller Tim.

1:24:29 Caller Yeah. Yes.

1:24:33 Caller What's up?

1:24:34 Caller Well, last time my girlfriend went on our period, she... Well, I kind of brought up the idea of having sex during that time, and she was really just about having sex. And I don't have a problem with it personally, but she brought up the issue that there might be health risks. Is there such a thing for either of us?

1:24:59 Drew Well, not... I mean, if she had some blood-borne infection like HIV or hepatitis C or hepatitis B, yeah, that could be an issue for you. And for her, if you had some sexually-transmitted disease to give her, it's more likely to get higher in her genital tract and cause more serious problems like pelvic inflammatory disease. But if both of you have nothing, then it's really not a big deal.

1:25:21 Caller Yeah.

1:25:22 Adam So, it's like... I think people seem to think you're more susceptible or vulnerable to get things, but if there's nothing being passed around, then there's nothing to get.

1:25:33 Drew Yeah. And again, I think it's sort of primitive man-like.

1:25:35 Caller Yeah.

1:25:35 Drew It's like, ooh, something's blood coming from her. She must... She's tainted. She's the... The devil's visiting. You know, it's just...

1:25:40 Caller Drew, you're a man of passion.

1:25:43 Adam You're exquisite man of passion, and a period is not a deal-breaker for you.

1:25:48 Caller See, for me... I completely agree with Adam.

1:25:52 Adam Let me explain. To me, a period is just that. It's a period. It's a break. And end of sentence. For Drew, it's barely a comma.

1:26:00 Caller Yeah.

1:26:01 Adam A period is really not even a period.

1:26:02 Caller It's not...

1:26:03 Drew Semicolon.

1:26:04 Adam It's a semicolon.

1:26:04 Drew It's called a semicolon.

1:26:05 Adam Speaking of colon, he'll get her there if the flow is bad enough.

1:26:08 Drew Semi-colon.

1:26:09 Caller Semi-colon.

1:26:12 Caller Yeah. Yep.

1:26:15 Adam I stay away from the period period. And for Drew...

1:26:19 Drew Semicolon.

1:26:20 Caller Yeah.

1:26:21 Adam You know, it's like, you know what it is for you? A period for you is like, it's like you ordered a burger with no mayo and no pickles, but they came on it anyway.

1:26:30 Caller Yeah.

1:26:31 Drew And I'm hungry.

1:26:31 Caller I'm hungry. Yeah.

1:26:32 Adam I'm eating it.

1:26:33 Drew Oh yeah.

1:26:34 Adam Give me that.

1:26:34 Caller You're not ruining it.

1:26:36 Adam No, it's fine.

1:26:37 Drew A little unpleasant.

1:26:38 Adam Not the way you would have preferred it.

1:26:39 Drew Especially if you're eating while you're trying to drive, it can be kind of...

1:26:42 Adam Yeah, it's rough. But I mean, it's still a, you ain't tossing it. You're hungry.

1:26:49 Caller I can't do it.

1:26:51 Adam 70% of the food I've gotten, I've gotten has not been the way I wanted it. This is the difference between guys and girls. Women have just sent it back because they're never really that hungry.

1:26:59 Drew Any of that food, do you not enjoy any of that? None of it?

1:27:03 Caller No, just eat it.

1:27:04 Drew You enjoyed it?

1:27:05 Caller Yeah. You ready?

1:27:09 Adam Danielle?

1:27:10 Caller Yes.

1:27:10 Adam Oh, I mean Danielle?

1:27:11 Caller Yeah.

1:27:12 Caller You're 20?

1:27:13 Caller Yes.

1:27:14 Adam What's up?

1:27:16 Caller My boyfriend and I were messing around the other day, and when we were in the process, I was funneling his genitals, and I realized that he has three testicles.

1:27:30 Caller Really?

1:27:31 Caller Yeah.

1:27:31 Drew No, he doesn't.

1:27:32 Adam Probably not.

1:27:33 Drew No.

1:27:34 Caller Well, one of them is normal, and the other one, it looks normal, but when you feel it, it's like two smaller ones.

1:27:43 Drew Is it two smaller ones, or is it one similar to the other one, and then a small one on top?

1:27:49 Caller That's like what it, well, there's definitely three feeling ones. I don't know. It's still.

1:27:56 Drew Well, usually the feeling of a smooth, trying to think of a delicate way of saying this, of two smooth balls within the sac, one of those is some sort of a cyst, either spermatosil or varicoseal, they're very common, or sometimes it's the epidermis you're feeling. You can also have a hernia sac that can come down there and feel like another testicle, but that's it. That's usually what it is. If it's rock-like or pebble-y feeling, that's cancer.

1:28:26 Caller Well, it doesn't feel like that. It feels like three normal ones, both two are smaller, and I'm just kind of concerned. I thought maybe-

1:28:33 Caller Well, why don't you tell me, she'd maybe go see the doctor.

1:28:36 Drew See the doctor again, it's a cyst, cystosil, varicoseal, spermatosil.

1:28:42 Adam Kalani.

1:28:43 Drew Kalani?

1:28:44 Adam Kalani.

1:28:46 Caller Yeah.

1:28:46 It's Hawaiian.

1:28:48 Caller Kalani.

1:28:49 Yeah, my uncle's Hawaiian, and I'm like kind of named after him. I want to know-

1:28:54 Drew Hang on a sec, hold on a sec, hold on a sec. It's Kalani?

1:28:57 It's Kalani, Kalani.

1:28:58 Drew Kalani, all right.

1:29:00 Caller K-L-A-N-I. Yeah, I want to know, I'm turning 21 about 15 days. I want to know what the best thing is to do when I turn 21, first thing.

1:29:09 Adam First thing, do you have big calves?

1:29:12 Caller Say again?

1:29:13 Adam Do you have big calf muscles?

1:29:15 Caller Yeah, actually I do. Oh, another thing is too, whenever I take a dump, my penis gets hard. Is that, there's something wrong with that?

1:29:24 Drew When you take a dump?

1:29:26 Caller Yeah.

1:29:26 Caller You're just enjoying yourself. All right. All right. Trying to keep it out of the water.

1:29:32 Drew No, it's the, it doesn't have that problem. Oh, okay. It's the prostate being stimulated and the lymphatic's being sort of extracted.

1:29:39 Adam Do you not have, how big's the penis?

1:29:42 Caller Not too big?

1:29:43 Caller No, it's about, it's about seven, but it's pretty thick.

1:29:46 Caller Hey, Adam, think of all the things the Hawaiians have, have invented over the years.

1:29:51 Caller Yeah.

1:29:52 Caller What a contribution.

1:29:54 Adam Well, they made those bras out of coconuts.

1:29:58 Caller I got one more question.

1:30:00 Caller Hold on. Hold on.

1:30:01 Drew That has changed the world.

1:30:03 Caller Yeah. Yeah. In the ukulele. Go ahead.

1:30:06 Caller Yeah. Is it true that if I drink a whole bottle of Robo-Tussin, I'll get really messed up?

1:30:11 Drew Yeah. You can cause, there's some evidence that there can be brain injury from that kind of thing. And what you get is sort of a PCP slash special K type high.

1:30:21 Adam Yeah. Maybe not the best.

1:30:23 Drew Not a good idea.

1:30:24 Adam Move for you. But he wants to know how to celebrate his 21st birthday. Here's the whole thing about as a guy celebrating your 21st birthday.

1:30:33 Drew It's always a disappointment, right?

1:30:35 Adam I remember my 21st birthday and I'm falling asleep on a box spring in an alley outside of a party.

1:30:41 Drew Barfing?

1:30:43 Adam I barfed later. Later on in the night, I got dumped off at my buddy, the Weez's house. The Weez just got himself a new BMW. I used one, but a nice one. And I said, Weez, please give me a ride home. I'm sick, and I'm going to heave. And he said, OK, but first we're going on a mall haul and run.

1:31:09 Drew And with knowing that you were going to barf?

1:31:12 Caller He wanted to go on a mall haul and run.

1:31:14 Drew Oh, a new car with a guy who wants to vomit.

1:31:16 Adam He was a maniac on a mall haul. And the car was like lowered with wide tires and stuff. So I was just hanging my head out the window the whole time. He was going nuts on a mall haul. And then he dropped me off, and I had to be at work the following day, just green and digging ditches. It was a good day. So here's what you don't want to do. You don't want to peak too fast. You don't want to chug like a 12-pack at 8 o'clock. You know what I mean? Back off a little.

1:31:45 Drew But wouldn't, if you don't have a girlfriend and you're just hanging a bunch of guys...

1:31:49 Adam Get someone else to drive.

1:31:50 Drew Wouldn't the best thing to do be to have it not all be one night? Like you go somewhere for a couple days.

1:31:55 Adam Eh, you can't do that. You don't have money, your friends don't have your money. Go to a strip club because your friends will get you a couple of lap dances and they'll pull you up on stage. And they'll give you like a paddling and stuff. It's awesome.

1:32:07 Drew So you won't forget that.

1:32:08 Caller Yeah.

1:32:08 Adam And then they'll buy you a strip, they'll buy you beers, they'll buy you strip dances. And just don't peek too soon.

1:32:14 Caller You'll be vomiting by 9.45 at night.

1:32:16 Adam Alright, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:32:20 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal.

1:32:22 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:32:25 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:32:27 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

1:32:30 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:32:33 Caller LOVE-191.

1:32:41 Caller Hey everybody.

1:32:42 Adam Well, that's the show.

1:32:44 Caller Finishing on time for a change.

1:32:45 Drew Amazing.

1:32:46 Adam Ben Stein, the great genius, the genius known as Ben Stein.

1:32:50 Drew The genius who appreciates genius.

1:32:52 Adam Well, let's take one and know one. He's going to be in here tomorrow night, so we'll talk to him. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:33:02 Drew First of all, you'll have to leave the union. No more union fudge packing for you.

1:33:22 Caller Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, January 31, 2005