Episode 1000675817350

5:34 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

5:45 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

5:50 Voiceover This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

5:57 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Here's your phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. All right, let's get to the phones.

6:09 Drew There we go.

6:10 Adam Chris.

6:11 Yeah.

6:12 Adam 28.

6:13 Yep.

6:13 Adam What's up?

6:15 I was just wondering, I am epileptic.

6:18 Drew Yeah.

6:18 And I have a couple of different types of seizures. One of them being just the smaller myoclonic seizures.

6:25 Drew Right.

6:26 And-

6:26 Drew So you sort of suddenly jerk.

6:28 Yeah, well, yeah. But, I mean, I have the grand mal and the absent seizures, too.

6:33 Adam How often do you have the mild ones?

6:36 Those are throughout the day, basically.

6:39 Adam So like every half hour, ten minutes, five minutes?

6:43 Well, you know, they increase when I'm going to have a seizure.

6:48 Drew What's the source of the seizures? Do they know?

6:49 No.

6:50 Drew They have no idea?

6:51 No, it's idiopathic.

6:54 Adam Well, isn't the source of the seizure having epilepsy?

6:59 Drew Wouldn't a seizure come from little tumors and classifications?

7:02 No, there's no.

7:04 Adam But then what's the epileptic part?

7:05 Drew It just means you lose consciousness, you shake. The generalized seizure people sort of consider that epileptiform. It means a certain kind of electrical activity in the brain. Yeah. And so, Chris, what are you taking to control them?

7:19 I'm taking Depakote, Trileptal, and Fowlbital.

7:22 Drew Wow. That's three anti-seizure medicines.

7:26 Yeah.

7:26 Drew Well, all very powerful ones. Alright, so what's the question?

7:29 My question is, when I do have sex with my husband, I jerk, and since the myoclonic seizures increase when, you know, like a day prior to the grand mal seizures, he's always kind of, you know, are you okay?

7:48 Are you okay? Are you okay?

7:50 Drew So you're having myoclonus during sex?

7:53 Yeah.

7:54 Drew But do you have generalized seizures during sex ever?

7:58 Not yet. Which is weird.

8:01 Drew I mean, she'd be sitting there going unconscious and start shaking.

8:04 No. No. I mean, I think he would have told me. No.

8:07 Drew And then otherwise, just the general is just shaking and he scares and restartles and that sort of thing.

8:12 Yeah.

8:12 Drew And what's the question about it?

8:13 Well, the question is, is there anything that I could do to just kind of, I mean, relax the activity before?

8:27 Drew Really, no. Right? Chris?

8:31 Yeah?

8:31 Drew You understand that when you're excited, when you're active, that's when the seizures occur, right?

8:35 Well, not always.

8:37 Drew But they can. And sexual activity is one of the ways you can stimulate these things. There's nothing you really can do other than obviously try to slow your heart rate down, breathe deeply, and perhaps get on more medication.

8:46 Well, I'm on enough.

8:48 Drew Yeah, you're on enough. That's right. So it's just one of those things your husband has to learn to live with, right?

8:54 Okay.

8:54 Adam All right.

8:55 Drew That's it.

8:56 Adam Did you just have a seizure, Chris, or did you just wait?

8:59 No, I was just saying okay, and then I was going to hang up the phone.

9:02 Adam All right. There you go.

9:04 Drew Good times.

9:06 Adam So if you get excited, you have a seizure?

9:08 Drew Yeah, you could. I mean, when you're sort of more...

9:10 Adam If you're sleeping, less likely to have a seizure?

9:14 Drew Yes, except some people have... Because sleep is such a unique state for the brain, some people have more seizures when they sleep. But yes, when the state of the brain is in sort of hate of...

9:22 Adam What's the best time, like hot tubbing?

9:24 Drew Hot tubbing, yeah. Yes.

9:26 Adam Relax.

9:26 Drew Relax time. Exercising? Quiet.

9:28 Adam What's exercising like?

9:31 Drew Most people, probably not a big deal, but it's more quiet time is the best time.

9:34 Adam Jenna?

9:35 Yeah.

9:36 Adam You're 19?

9:37 Caller Correct.

9:38 Adam What's up?

9:40 Caller I bleed after I orgasm.

9:42 Drew Nice. And?

9:47 Caller What's up?

9:48 Guest What's wrong with that?

9:49 Drew Well, not necessarily anything. Do you have orgasm every time you have sex?

9:55 Guest Well, it's not sex.

9:57 Caller It's basically everything exterior.

10:00 Drew But by yourself or with somebody else?

10:02 By myself.

10:04 Drew That's all right. She's or masturbating is she talking about?

10:07 Adam But you say exterior.

10:09 Yeah.

10:10 Adam So what do you use?

10:14 Caller Fingers.

10:17 Drew How dare you?

10:17 Adam Exterior, though, huh?

10:19 Yeah.

10:21 Adam Go interior tonight.

10:23 Guest No, I don't want to.

10:24 Adam No?

10:28 Adam What's the temperature outside with windchill?

10:31 Caller It's cold.

10:32 Adam How cold?

10:33 Caller Pretty cold.

10:35 Adam How goddamn cold is it?

10:37 Caller It's like 15.

10:39 Adam Thank you, Coos. Jesus Christ.

10:42 Drew Anyway, sex can sometimes stimulate bleeding, even if it's just orgasm. We use it as a penetration, but some people is just. Really?

10:48 Adam Do we have to go through the pretty cold part of that?

10:50 Drew I know.

10:50 Adam On the second how cold?

10:52 Drew Pretty cold.

10:53 Adam How cold? Pretty cold.

10:54 Drew Want to ask the follow about her dad?

10:56 Adam No. I don't care. Joanna?

10:59 Drew Yep.

11:00 Adam You're 22?

11:01 Drew Yep.

11:02 Adam What's up?

11:04 Caller I've had a boyfriend for seven months. Two months ago, we moved in together. He had three little girls. One of them is his, two of them are his ex-wives, that he takes care of.

11:17 Drew The mom just dropped him off with him?

11:19 Caller No. Every other weekend, he gets them, but he's trying to get more.

11:24 Drew But they're not his kids.

11:26 Caller One of them is.

11:27 The other two he adopted, because he was a loser for five years.

11:32 The real dad's in jail and a loser.

11:34 Drew How old are the kids?

11:37 Caller Ten, nine, and then four.

11:40 Wow.

11:40 Adam How old is he?

11:43 All right.

11:44 Adam That's nice.

11:45 Drew What does he do for a living?

11:46 Adam By the way, what a boy. Really, it's like buying. I bought a new car. It's got a dead hooker in the trunk. Why don't you just find one that doesn't have a bunch of crap stuffed in the trunk? Yeah.

11:59 Drew There are other cars.

12:00 Adam Just go find one. There's a bunch that doesn't have a dead hooker stuffed in the trunk. Do you need the guy? That's what I feel these people. It's like, well, he's got the three kids and he's got the home arrest bracelet. He's on a methadone maintenance program and he's got the teardrop tattoo. I love him. Why don't you just go find a guy, just sort of free and clear? You know what I mean? I mean, look, everyone's got a skeleton or two. Find a guy who has got a couple of outstanding books at the, what's that place where they keep the books?

12:31 Drew Library.

12:31 Adam Library, that place. That place. All right, Joanna.

12:35 Drew Joanna, what's up?

12:36 Adam Big ass. Yeah.

12:38 Caller He's a good guy. He, like, helps me out with everything. I'm living scot-free at his house right now. He takes care of me and I love it, but, like, I go out and party with my friends and sometimes I just, I don't want to come home because I'd rather stay with my friends and I'd rather live my own life.

12:55 Adam I think you're ready to settle down and start a third family with this guy.

12:58 Drew Yeah, take care of these three kids. She'll be perfect. Another mom. Yeah.

13:01 Oh, my God.

13:03 Drew Drop off another couple of kids with him.

13:04 Adam Yeah, you have a few more kids. There's three families.

13:07 Drew What is in it for him, this relationship, with you, who don't want to be around him?

13:12 Caller I don't know. He, I mean, we get along really good. I'm just really scared of commitment and settling down.

13:19 And I don't know if this is...

13:20 Drew What do you think he sees in you?

13:24 We get along really well.

13:25 Caller We talk all the time.

13:26 Drew Why is he so attracted to you?

13:27 Caller I'm staying here, he's got free in school, can't pay for anything, and I don't want to move back home.

13:33 Drew You're using him.

13:34 Adam I think that's called using him. I know everyone is torn about doing bad things. Like, well, you know, I really didn't want to have to, you know, knock the old lady down and take her purse, but I need the money. Like, okay, you just bounce that, you know, you're in a relationship where you're not too into the guy, but he's paying the utilities, and for now it'll do. And maybe you don't feel the greatest about it, but you don't feel so bad that you're gonna move out and move back home. So fine. Look, don't let the guy get you pregnant.

14:05 Please?

14:07 Caller He's fixed.

14:09 Drew He's fixed?

14:10 Caller Yeah, his ex made him.

14:12 Drew Oh, this one sounds like quite a delight. Where is she now?

14:16 Caller Just across town. She still lives in the same town as us.

14:19 Okay.

14:20 Adam And what does he do for a living?

14:23 Caller He's a manager of a store.

14:27 Drew What kind of store?

14:28 Caller It's a restaurant.

14:30 Oh, boy.

14:32 Drew Do you work at the restaurant?

14:34 Caller No, but I did.

14:36 Adam Yeah. You know, it's so funny when she said no, I was like, that doesn't add up. She had to have, and then I thought she used to work there. Because that's what they do.

14:43 Caller Right.

14:43 Adam They just basically bang the staff. That's how it works. I mean, look, if I was opening a restaurant, that's how it would work. Like, you know, they open these, they do these restaurants and they do this whole thing where it's like, yeah, we don't really pay our waiters and waitresses a livable wage. So you got to go ahead and supplement them. I, you know, you and your old lady came out here, he dropped 120 bucks, going to need another 40. These guys got kids. You know, my whole take is we couldn't just go ahead and take that out at 140. I dropped her at charge me eight bucks mojito. Can't there is nothing there? No profit. There's eight bucks worth of vodka in that mojito. Point is, is you know what I would do if I opened a restaurant? I'd be like, I'd do the same thing. Like when you hire the waiters and waitresses, bartenders like, look, you'll be getting $3.95 an hour, but you'll be walking with a couple hundred bucks cash every night where the tips, same thing with the managers. You're getting $3.95 an hour. You get to bang the bejesus out of the entire staff. We got, did you pass the college on the way in? We got a steady stream. Right from there. Did you notice the hostess? Did you see the greeter? You see? Yeah. Piece of ass. What about the bar back? That's for you. Hey, it's all there for the taking. Boyfriend's back in the hometown. Just bang away. You're in charge of the schedules. You're the magic man. And, you know, if you get a little, you know, get a busboy to tip you out at the end of the thing, well, you know, that's a little scratch. But you'll be getting 395 and all the 19 year old tail you can handle and all the baby back ribs you can bring home. There you go.

16:21 Good deal.

16:22 Adam Most guys, most like 26 year old guys would just go for it. Oh, yeah. Why not?

16:28 All right.

16:31 Guest Yeah.

16:31 Adam You're 19.

16:33 Guest Yes, I am.

16:34 Adam What's up?

16:35 Guest Well, I am very jealous of my boyfriend's past life. And I don't know why, because he's had sex with a lot more people than I have. And how old is he? He's 22.

16:48 Drew And what's one of the numbers differential here?

16:52 Guest I don't really want to say. I'm going to say, is this going to be on the radio? No.

16:58 Drew No, not at all.

17:00 Guest All right. Well, it's about 12 or 13.

17:03 Drew That's him?

17:04 Guest That's him. Me, on the other hand, is like one.

17:08 Adam You're sticking, whore.

17:09 Drew Is that because you want to have more experience and you're sort of envious that he's had that or?

17:15 Guest It's not because I'm envious. It's just because it is like I almost don't feel good enough. Like all those girls had something that I didn't or something. And it just bothers me so much. And I just can't get over it. It's almost ruining our relationship in a way because I'm always bugging him about it and getting on his case. And like, I mean, if he sees one of the girls somewhere, I'm like, oh, you just want to go through her. And like, I just say stupid and I hate it.

17:39 Drew Yes, she does.

17:40 Adam It's ironic that she used the S word to describe the stupid thing she says.

17:44 Yeah.

17:46 Adam I'm wondering. This is usually territory that's staked out by men.

17:51 Drew Yes.

17:52 Adam Thank your lucky stars. It's not the other way around. And you with the 13, him with the 1, because that makes for even a worse relationship.

17:58 Drew Yes, he will not let go.

17:59 Adam I'm wondering if this coos has a extra shot of testosterone in her.

18:06 Drew Could be.

18:06 Adam Maybe she's like one of...

18:07 Drew There's such a thing.

18:08 Adam She's got like big calves, a cleft in her chin, a little blonde mustache. Maybe she's got that extra...

18:15 Drew Or does she just need to find a reason to carry some chaos? Or both?

18:19 That's...

18:21 Adam I'd say the...

18:21 Drew A little bit of both, right?

18:23 Adam Yeah, a little bit.

18:24 Drew I was thinking, why does she focus it here if she didn't have the testosterone?

18:27 Adam Yeah. I think it would be the... Let's see. Is it the latter?

18:30 Drew Yeah.

18:31 Adam That's the one you said?

18:32 Drew Yeah.

18:33 Adam Brittany?

18:34 Guest You're talking about me?

18:36 Adam Against all good instincts, I'm coming back to you on the radio. You got one of those chick mustaches? Oh, gosh.

18:45 Guest No. No, no, no, no. No, I'm not an ugly girl at all.

18:49 Drew No, we're not saying ugly. We're just saying.

18:51 Adam Not ugly. You got some testosterone. You were getting a fight with, you were getting a fist fight with another girl?

18:58 Guest No, never.

19:00 Adam You play any team sports?

19:02 Drew Oh, good question.

19:03 I used to.

19:04 Guest In high school, I got more into music, but no. When I was in junior high, I was playing a lot of sports. But I don't have a mustache, volleyball, basketball.

19:15 Drew Basketball?

19:16 Softball?

19:19 Guest No, I wasn't in softball in high school.

19:21 Okay.

19:23 All right.

19:24 Adam Well, in that case, where's your dad?

19:27 Caller He's at home.

19:28 Drew You have a decent relationship with him?

19:31 Guest Yeah, I have a good relationship with him.

19:32 Him and my mom.

19:33 Guest They're like two of my best friends.

19:35 Drew Have you always had a good relationship with them?

19:36 Mm-hmm.

19:38 Adam All right. So this is you just trying to wedge a thorn into the paw of the relationship.

19:45 Drew Is he your first or your second partner?

19:49 He's my second.

19:50 Drew How'd the first one go?

19:53 It was bad.

19:54 Guest It was just somebody I was just talking to for a couple months or so, but it was just a fling basically.

20:01 Drew So this is the first one when you've really been involved with the guy?

20:05 Guest Yeah. He's my first love, my everything.

20:07 Drew And you feel just threatened by these other girls, right?

20:10 Guest Yeah. I am.

20:11 I mean, like, I'm...

20:13 Adam Just get over it. Just get over it.

20:14 Drew Get over it or you're going to ruin this relationship.

20:16 Adam I know.

20:17 Guest I know. We've been going through a year and a half, and I'm just, I'm killing it. And I just want to know what I need to do.

20:23 Drew Stop it.

20:23 Adam Stop doing things.

20:24 Drew You're going to ruin the relationship. If you know that, that must be then what you want to do because you're doing it. If you don't want to do it, stop it. And it's all about you're feeling threatened and not good enough. And that is something women do. They compare themselves against everybody all the time while they're women. Your boyfriend's not doing that. He's interested in you.

20:42 Adam Yeah. Theoretically. Amy?

20:44 Drew And look at other people, but that's different.

20:47 Adam Amy, you're 21.

20:48 Guest Yes.

20:49 Adam What's up?

20:50 Guest Well, you guys wanted to kind of hear about people of dull situations with their sex life. Mine's kind of turned into dull. Basically, when I met my boyfriend three years ago, I was the aggressive one. He was a virgin. And I guess I kind of had a girl's dream. I got to make him the way I wanted him to. Teach him the tricks I wanted him to know.

21:10 Drew And we don't know that to be any girl's dream, by the way.

21:13 Guest Yeah. It's my dream.

21:14 Drew That's something a girl's nightmare.

21:16 Adam Teach him the sexual tricks you want him to know.

21:19 Yeah, exactly.

21:21 Drew Most women sort of feel that the whole thing is spoiled if he doesn't magically know those things.

21:25 Adam All right. Go ahead.

21:28 Guest And anyway, everything was great until about two and a half years ago when it just took a dramatic turn and I really didn't want to be touched. I really didn't want to be kissed. Sex is painful now for me. And he, you know, he's not aggressive about it, but I mean, I understand where he's coming from. He wants to have sex, but for me, it's just not there anymore. And I don't know, I love the guy that died, but. All right, all right.

21:53 Drew It last only for six months then? The actual, the sexual interest lasted for only six months?

22:00 Guest Oh no, two and a half years, it was great. And then the past six months, it's just kind of been on and off. You know, I mean, I'm not aggressive towards it. I haven't asked them or approached them about it once.

22:10 Drew Are you on medication?

22:12 Caller Um, no, I'm not.

22:13 Guest I take birth control, but that's not it.

22:15 Drew When did you start the birth control?

22:17 Guest Um, I've done birth control since we've been together.

22:20 Drew Now you haven't changed the type?

22:21 Guest Um, I was on tri-cycline and now I'm on tri-cycline low.

22:26 Drew Maybe the low has done it, because sometimes the lower dose estrogen sort of, the progesterone in it kind of overwhelms you and can shut you down a little bit.

22:33 Guest Okay, and that's only been like that for about a month, so.

22:36 Drew And you've only been in that pack for a month?

22:38 Guest Yeah.

22:39 Drew Alright, so that wouldn't be it. Are you, uh, you may be done with this relationship?

22:44 Guest No, not at all. I, this is the guy I want to be with for the rest of my life, absolutely.

22:50 Drew Well, why do you think, then, is there something change with him?

22:53 Guest No, I, I just don't know. I, all of a sudden, I was just turned off by sex.

22:59 Drew Did you, were you sexually abused?

23:00 Guest I didn't want anything to do with it.

23:02 Drew Were you sexually abused growing up?

23:04 Guest Um, when I was younger, but I got therapy for it, and it was nothing.

23:09 Drew Therapy's not quite stuck yet. Because what, what happens when, when you don't, when people have been sexually abused, one of the things that happens, they sort of get split off internally. They feel like they're, the sexual part of them is sort of a bad part of themselves. And when they can, there's some, with somebody they really don't care about or even a bad person, they can kind of act out that bad part of themselves. If they start getting genuinely intimate with someone, oh my goodness, that bad part has to hide out because it feels vulnerable and, you know, sort of not up to the job of being intimate with someone else might be found out, might scare the person away. So you really have to get more therapy, you really don't have an integrated sense of yourself. You have this split off bad self that now has gone into hiding and that's gone with, what has gone with that is all your sexuality. You see? And now that you actually are intimate, I believe you, I believe that you really do feel intimate with this guy, but a very common symptom when people who have been sexually abused, even physically abused, that happens is when they get actually close with somebody, they shut down sexually.

24:07 Guest Wow. I see. And that just shocked me because it was so constant for so long where, you know, I just wanted it and wanted it and wanted it.

24:15 Adam All right.

24:15 Guest One day it turned off though.

24:17 Drew Well, that's kind of the bipolar quality that some people get after they've been sexually abused.

24:22 Adam Who abused you?

24:24 Guest My cousins.

24:25 Drew Cousins. Nice.

24:27 Guest Two of them. Yes.

24:28 Adam All right. Where are they now? Publicists? How are they doing?

24:33 Guest One of the, as some call him, a street pharmacist, and the other is just working at a gas station.

24:43 All right.

24:44 Adam Good times.

24:45 Drew Back to therapist.

24:46 Yeah.

24:47 Drew The only other way to deal with that is sometimes that is all part of sexual addiction when people get sort of sexual compulsed and then shut down. Sometimes essay will help with this sort of thing if she feels she is sexually addicted also.

24:58 Adam Yeah. She... That whole training in part raised a red flag.

25:03 Drew But again, that's treating him like an object. Once he became a person she was actually close to. She was like, I'm not interested.

25:11 Yeah. Yes.

25:14 Adam What's up?

25:16 What my question is, is basically I can't give my husband head. I have a really bad gag reflex. Every time I try to, I start gagging. I've managed to get past the point where I can actually put things in my mouth now. I mean, like I can put a pen in my mouth and not have a problem. I can kind of deep throat a little bit with like a banana. But when it comes to giving him head, I can't.

25:43 Drew Wait a minute. How can you deep throat a banana and call yourself easy to gag?

25:50 I don't know. And that's why I don't understand is I can deep throat with a banana. But when it comes to being with him, I can't do it.

25:57 Drew We've got to be crazy.

25:58 Adam Imagine a gardener's out there and see her in the kitchen. It's like going down, like chugging a banana. What the hell is going on in there?

26:06 Drew Oh my god.

26:07 Adam All right. So, hey, you have kids?

26:10 I do.

26:12 Drew With him?

26:13 I have one with him.

26:16 Adam And one with anyone else?

26:18 Yes, with my ex-husband.

26:21 Drew Did you have that problem with him, too?

26:24 I did part a lot of the time, unless he got me super drunk and I didn't have a problem.

26:29 Adam That gag reflex lightens up a little.

26:32 It's gotten a lot better than what it used to be. It used to be I couldn't even stick my finger in, or if I went to go hold something with my teeth, I'd start to gag.

26:39 Drew How do you eat?

26:41 It was really hard. But it's gotten a lot easier.

26:43 Drew You couldn't put a fork in your mouth?

26:44 No, because I'd start gagging.

26:46 Drew Did something traumatic happen to you with people holding up?

26:48 Well, when I was a kid, I was... Yeah, well, when I was a little kid and I was seven, I was sodomized, but I don't see how that would have anything to do.

26:56 Drew How could that possibly anything to do with this? Adam, how dare you?

26:59 Adam Zero connection. We're talking more like a plumbing accident, something like that, somewhere on the house, something with a space heater. Nothing? No, a space heater. A Christmas tree caught on fire. That's what I'm talking about.

27:10 Drew Yeah, yeah, destroy it out.

27:12 Adam Yeah, yeah, when Drew says trauma, he doesn't mean sodomy at the hands of your father, cousin or uncle or something like that. He's talking about not getting something you wanted for a birthday.

27:25 That's trauma, how dare you? My husband now has never asked me to do it. He's never asked me to give him a hand. He's never pushed me to do anything.

27:34 Drew So he's not interested. You've got to pass on that. That's good.

27:40 Adam We would be part and waste shortly after the honeymoon.

27:44 Drew Can you talk with her? Is it okay?

27:46 Adam It's tough. I have to picture the little girl being abused in order to talk to her without, otherwise I fly into a rage. What happened to you when you were a little kid?

28:00 I don't even know how graphic I can get it. It was pretty bad.

28:03 Drew Who was it?

28:04 What was it? It was my uncle. He was 14, or excuse me, 16. And it was, it basically started on my seventh birthday and ended on my eighth birthday. Where from, just regular.

28:17 Adam Two ladies dropping the S-bomb in as many minutes. It is a full moon night.

28:25 Drew I gotta talk to her some more though.

28:28 Adam Yeah, Anderson's still rebooting from the last S-bomb that was dropped. Oh, yeah. You know what I love about, you know what I love about this retarded semi-religious society we live in, run by the SCC. You know, it's like, what happens? He defecated in my ear. He raped me with a mop handle and used actually a cordless wet-dry type vacuum on me. And then the S word comes in and everyone freaks out. Oh my God. Now you've crossed the line. You use the SH word. What are you thinking? Right. First off, what kind of show do you think this is? There are children listening. There are young people listening. He after after you wax on about ritualistic abuse and defecating in one's mouth. You drop the S bomb. Oh my God. Hey, are you kidding? We could get fined. Yes. No, no one else. Do you have to be atheist to see the strange juxtaposition and logic with that logic or whatever you want to call it? The lack of logic in that. Does does anybody notice that?

29:54 Why do you?

29:55 Adam It makes me feel insane. Yeah, it makes me feel like I've just landed on some planet of a quasi religious retards and I'm just observing them. I just need a notepad, right? I don't even want to get involved.

30:09 Drew Don't explain it. Just.

30:10 Adam Yeah, I don't want to get involved. I don't want to upset anything. I just want to take notes and go back to planet sanity. With you, what, tards with your arcs and your Red Seas and your S bombs. What the hell is going on?

30:23 Drew Meantime, Corey is getting crapped on and peed on as a child.

30:26 Adam Yeah. But now, but then later on, she's horny. Oh, she likes it.

30:31 Drew Yeah. So it's a stripper.

30:32 Adam Yeah. Yeah. All right. Hang on there.

30:35 Drew We'll get back to her.

30:36 Adam Yeah.

30:37 Drew Do not hang up on Corey.

30:39 Adam Don't hang up on Corey.

30:40 Drew Yeah.

30:40 Adam All right. And is speaking of fecal matter in the mouth, she got to rinse it out with a little soap and we'll take quick break. We'll be right back after this. Love Line. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-ER. Let's talk to Corey. The last time we talked to Corey, we had to put her on hold. She's 29. She has a little problem with a gag reflex, a little situation with her cousin when she was a young.

31:27 Drew It's so funny, by the way. She's so focused on this gag reflex and nothing comes up about the fact that her cousin sexually abused her from age seven to eight, defecated on her, urinated on her, sodomized her. No connection between that.

31:41 Adam Put dates in her.

31:42 Drew No connection between that and your gag response with the penile.

31:45 Adam Yeah.

31:46 Drew No.

31:47 Adam Yeah. No.

31:47 Drew Yeah.

31:48 Adam No.

31:48 Drew What?

31:49 Adam Too big a stretch. Yeah. You just go to church and work things out. Yeah. That's all. You just pray on this stuff. It's fine. And by the way, God, he's got a plan. Don't question it. Those you win the lottery don't don't question God and those you get defecated in the mouth. Obviously, there's a plan. Not everyone can play quarterback. You know what I mean? There needs to be a couple of guards and centers alignment. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

32:16 Drew Well, Cory's been chosen for her job.

32:18 Caller Yeah.

32:19 Adam Cory?

32:20 Yes.

32:21 Adam All part of the grand master scheme. Here's all I'm saying.

32:25 Caller In all reality, I actually went through 13 years worth of counseling and my cousin was put into prison for 15 years.

32:33 Adam Good.

32:33 Drew Excellent.

32:34 Adam Because everything happens for a reason.

32:36 Drew Yeah.

32:37 Adam And what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right Drew?

32:40 Drew Absolutely.

32:41 Caller I understand. I just, I mean, I really didn't think it had anything to do with that because I have gone through all that counseling.

32:46 Adam What did your cousin go to prison for?

32:48 Caller For, I wasn't the only one that he was raping and things like that.

32:53 Adam That's just stellar parenting on that.

32:57 Drew Leave you with that monster.

32:59 Adam Well, whoever's parenting him too.

33:01 Caller His mother is legally insane.

33:04 Drew Yeah, clearly. Who knows what she did to him.

33:06 Adam So he's in the joint now.

33:08 Caller No, he actually just barely got out.

33:10 Adam No.

33:11 Drew Oh my God.

33:12 Caller What's he looking for? Yeah, which me and there's about seven, eight others of us that weren't happy about it. We tried to present it.

33:19 Drew That does not sound like a rehabilitatable condition.

33:23 Adam Hey, he's on the mend, Drew.

33:25 Drew That is a pit bull with a biting problem.

33:28 Caller Yeah.

33:28 Adam Yeah. And let me just say this. We got 280 million people give or take in this country. We can't burn a few. Nothing to spare. Everyone's precious. Everyone's the same. Everything is so precious. So goddamn precious. This guy got to save everyone. Everyone's contributing. We got what? Really? That sacred, that precious can't burn a few. No extra 280 something million people can't admit there may be a couple of bad seeds in there.

34:01 Drew Even if there were, it would be a slippery slope. It would start burning. That's right.

34:06 Adam You find the guys.

34:06 Drew Stadiums for the people.

34:07 Adam Yeah. You find, right? Next thing you know, you got Logan's Run and Soylent Green.

34:11 Drew That's where that starts.

34:12 Adam On your hands. You're right. You're right. That's right. You put Manson down. And the next thing you know, Jack Booted Dugs marching in your house. And they're judged jury and executioner. They're deciding. Hey, they saw you.

34:25 Drew What's to stop that from happening?

34:26 Adam They saw your kids steal some penny candy. They're going to put him down.

34:29 Drew And you for being the parent.

34:31 Adam That's right. And there's nothing anyone could do to stop it.

34:34 Drew All because you threw open that door.

34:36 Adam Slippery, slow. Yeah. Here, you know what I like? Here's according to the slippery slope people. We can do nothing then. We can never do anything. We can do zero because everything is sort of the...

34:47 Drew The starting point.

34:48 Adam Everything's the starting point to a slippery slope.

34:50 Drew If you move past the starting point. There's no movement. You can't go anywhere.

34:52 Adam No, there'll be no kind of profiling at all. No kind of physician assisted suicide. And there's no anything. We can't do anything because we can't have gun regulations or anything. We can't have a guy grow marijuana plant. We can't have marijuana for medical use. We can't do anything because it's just the opening to every kind of slippery slope. That's it.

35:14 Drew That's it.

35:15 Adam There you go. We'll do nothing.

35:17 Drew But Cory, I think you ought to think in terms of every, any and all weird things that happen to you in life, in terms of weird hang ups. Somehow, I think the odds are pretty good that it's attached to all that horrible stuff.

35:29 Caller So...

35:30 Drew God bless you for having so much treatment.

35:33 Caller I mean, I've never wanted to do this before.

35:35 Drew Well, here's some of the things that are not... Some of these things are sort of fixed. Some of the things are in you.

35:40 Adam Yeah. I mean, look, you got backed over by a pickup truck. Had to get over it. Yeah. You walk with a limp. That's all. You make the best of it.

35:49 Caller So basically, if you do what I got and enjoy it...

35:52 Drew Yes. Your husband doesn't want to blow a job. He's not beating on you about it. He's not interested. You're somehow hell bent on doing this, even though it's so traumatic for you. And to me, that always smacks of somebody looking to relive a little of that trauma. Because then when he participates with you, you can freak out and get angry with him.

36:10 Caller No, I've never gotten angry at him. I've gotten mad at myself, but I've tried not to let it show to him.

36:16 Drew All right. Well, wherever that ends up spilling out, it's going to go somewhere. Just leave it behind.

36:22 Adam You can keep going with the therapy, by the way. It's not going to hurt. You won't do any damage. By the way, it's not like niacin. You can't do too much of it. Sometimes you take supplements and it seems like a good thing, but once in a while you take a little too much of the niacin, you start burning up and then you've overdone it. Next thing you know, you've got diarrhea. Therapy, not like that.

36:43 Drew Don't ever get diarrhea from therapy.

36:45 Adam Not really.

36:46 Drew You can flush sometimes, but no dumping.

36:49 Adam You will. Yeah, actually, my therapist had to flip the cushion on his sofa last week, but it did come out of me. The point is it doesn't matter. It's not like you're going to get too much therapy and ruin it. You'll be fine. Get a little more. Jeremy?

37:05 Yes.

37:05 Adam You're 20?

37:06 Caller Yes.

37:07 Adam What's up?

37:08 Caller Oh, my girlfriend is pregnant. I was wondering when it was time to cut off sex. She's got about a month left.

37:14 Drew Some people do it right up to the end. If she's getting any preterm labor or any risk to the pregnancy, bleeding, that sort of thing, you definitely want to talk to your obstetrician about it.

37:23 Caller Okay.

37:24 Drew Why? What's happening?

37:26 Caller Nothing. Just wondering when it was time to cut it off.

37:29 Drew Do you like having sex with her while she's pregnant?

37:32 Caller It's okay.

37:33 Drew It's okay. He'll take whatever. It's the beauty of man, huh?

37:36 Adam It's gushy. Whatever. It feels gushy on my thing. And then the stuff comes out. So, you know. What do you mean? He's like a bear. He's distilled it down to... Well, no, I don't like it, but I got a hump every two days. I'm 20. Like, also it's like, I'm not going to let a good vagina rot in the bedroom.

38:05 Drew But never rot, just get away.

38:06 Adam Yeah. It's just, it's sitting there.

38:07 Drew Yeah.

38:08 Adam It's, you know, it's the same. It's the way I feel about leftovers. I'm just eating it. I swear to Christ, I ate Chinese. I actually did the math as I was eating it last Friday night, two weeks, two weeks, the Chinese food was sitting in the fridge.

38:28 Drew Oh.

38:29 Adam Two weeks.

38:30 Drew You ate it.

38:30 Adam I mean, and I, there's no exaggeration. It was two weeks ago, my wife brought home some Chinese.

38:35 Drew How did it taste?

38:36 Adam It wasn't even mine. It was hers. I went and did something. And then two weeks later, there it is. Well, hey, here's my thing. If it doesn't taste bad, I'm eating it.

38:43 Drew Chinese food looks pretty elaborate in terms of preparation.

38:46 Adam Yeah.

38:46 Drew Don't you think they keep it for like two, three weeks anyway, just to heat it up on the microwave?

38:49 Adam That makes it a month old. Yeah.

38:50 Drew That's what I'm saying.

38:52 Adam Yeah. I don't know. All I know is a few sprinkles of tap water, a paper plate thrown over the top and pow in the microwave. And and it is it springs back to life. It's like it's like you've re-animated the cashew chicken.

39:08 Drew Found some in some Sumerian tombs.

39:10 Adam Yeah. Still good. Yeah. The paleontologist actually just hit it with a flashlight and then ate it. Yeah. Two weeks and literally a millionaire in two week old Chinese food.

39:22 Drew And? Good. Fine.

39:24 Adam I'm here. The point is, is because of my horrible upbringing, I can't toss food.

39:31 Drew Yeah.

39:31 Adam I can't do it. Now, my wife, who had a mom who cooked, her thing is like, I'm not eating Chinese. Oh, it's either throw it out. Or leftovers is like, I ate that last night.

39:43 Drew Yeah.

39:43 Adam I'm not eating it tonight. My thing is like, I'll eat it every night until it's gone.

39:48 Drew Why do they keep it, people like that? I don't make them bring it home even.

39:51 Adam I she had it ordered in, I think, and just ordered too much.

39:56 Drew They just don't know what to do with it.

39:57 Adam And then just sits there like there's no way.

39:59 Drew They had a plan for tomorrow morning.

40:01 Adam Here's the thing about people, people that grew up with folks cooking for them. They're not going to eat the same meal twice in a row. That's number one.

40:10 Drew So here's even if they think they are.

40:12 Adam Yeah. Oh, they'd like to think they were the kind of person that did.

40:15 Drew I'm going to eat the leftovers tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes around.

40:18 Adam Not going to do it.

40:18 Drew No, I'm not going to eat that last night.

40:20 Adam Here's the catch 22. They're not going to eat the same thing two nights in a row. So that's out. Then when the second or third night rolls around, it's now too old. You see that's been in there for a few days. I ain't eaten that. So therefore leftovers sort of mathematically eliminated from your diet.

40:37 Drew Yeah.

40:38 Adam Now, the thing about me is you made a thing of lasagna the size of Montana. I would just eat through until it was gone because there's no way I'm chucking half of Montana worth a lasagna.

40:52 Drew I got a huge dose of that in me.

40:54 Adam Ironically. Well, that's just cheap.

40:57 Drew Yeah. Women tend to have less that. It's like, ew, it's moldy.

41:02 Adam Cut it off.

41:03 Drew Yeah. So what? It tastes good.

41:05 Adam No, I know. That's like, the cheese is covered with hair. Well, then we have to cut through this to the core.

41:11 Drew Through the good part.

41:12 Adam And I pull out a tic tac size piece out of a wheel of cheese that weighs 80 pounds, the size of a space saver, spare.

41:18 Drew You still end up nibbling on moldy stuff.

41:20 Adam And I end up, eventually I get to the moldy stuff, but I eat it from the inside, back toward the mold. So I don't get to the mold.

41:26 Drew Right.

41:26 Adam And then it starts smelling like someone farted on my head. I stop. That's how it works.

41:32 Drew I've always got the thing of what do you think penicillin is?

41:34 Adam Yeah. Oh, a chick. Yeah. Yeah.

41:36 Drew They love that.

41:36 Adam Chicks don't, they don't, they don't, they don't go for that. Yeah. My wife doesn't go for that at all. And I don't think I, partly because they don't have to. You show me, by the way, show me a finicky kid or a finicky adult. I'll show you someone who had a lot of choices, a lot of catering going on. You physically, here's the deal. Watch the show, Survivor. When, after three weeks of eating grubs and crappy, you know, eating grubs and whatever washes up on the beach. And then he comes around and says, Yeah, I got some fried chicken. Nobody says, I don't like fried chicken. I don't eat. Well, I like cheese, but I don't like it when it's fried. Everyone's like, F it, I'm digging in.

42:18 Drew Whatever it is, yeah.

42:18 Adam Whatever it is. That's it. You have, you have.

42:21 Drew That's why they get by with the crappy products. We have some Lay's potato chips, some Fritos.

42:26 Adam They're eating the bag. They're licking the bag. Like a goat got to it. And that's the whole thing. You have 20 prima donnas, 20 pains in the ass, 20, I'm sure everyone was taken care of and everyone goes to the restaurant and there's a pain in the ass and all that. Put them on an island, take away their food for three weeks, and then probes could crap into a Dixie cup and they'd be fighting over it. That's the way it goes. Now, when you grow up with a mom who smokes weed and doesn't come out of her room, that's the way you are.

42:57 Drew That's the way life is. You're the fertile child right there.

42:59 Adam That's it. You're hungry. And all the people that have the kids are like, he won't eat. He never, all he wants is fish sticks. He'll not eat. Give him a couple days. He'll come around. He'll be eating that cabbage. Just get him hungry. Think about the people on that island. There's nothing you put in front of them after three weeks that they're not diving on. Absolutely. Nobody ever says like, they don't even come close. Like, well, I was hoping for ribs, but burgers will be hot dogs. Whatever. Start shoving it in.

43:29 Drew Well, then they're shoving the grubs and stuff in too. Yeah. They'll go for that. No problem.

43:34 Adam Yeah. That's all you got to do. You can break your kids, everybody. Oh, yeah. You can break them. Let's take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

43:48 Adam Please hold. Yeah, Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er. Let's talk to Rachel, who's 18. Rachel?

44:10 Caller Yeah.

44:11 Adam What's up?

44:13 Caller I have a boyfriend who I'm starting to get kind of serious with, and he doesn't know about my extensive sexual past. And it's kind of beyond, it's not necessarily the fact that it's so extensive, but the experiences that I've had, I'm afraid to tell him, because if I do, then maybe by some chance he'll feel inadequate.

44:36 Drew Like, give us an example of what you're talking about.

44:38 Adam Experiences. What does that mean?

44:41 Caller Like, well, I have had sex with quite a few guys, and just things that I've done with them might be out of his league or not necessarily things that he's comfortable with.

44:52 Drew You're going to have to tell us what you're talking about.

44:54 Adam Like, what things?

44:56 Caller Um, saying, having three thumbs or, um, I actually had been videotaped by a guy before.

45:05 Drew So what's going on as a teenager? You're acting out like that.

45:08 Caller Um, I'm trying to have a rocky childhood, but...

45:11 Drew What happened?

45:13 Caller Um, I was abused and raped by people in my family.

45:18 Drew Not just a person, but people.

45:20 Adam Hold on. Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

45:23 Drew Well, so far tonight, I haven't heard of any families where that doesn't happen, strangely enough.

45:26 Adam Hey, but Rachel, Rachel, it's, uh, that has nothing to do with it. You're just a horny little lass, man. Yeah.

45:33 Drew Of course.

45:33 Adam It's all...

45:35 Drew You're horny.

45:35 Caller Is that wrong?

45:37 Drew No, you're not just horny. Usually, it's where that comes from. When people are sexually abused, they become preoccupied about sex and reenact the trauma in various ways.

45:45 Adam All right. Now, you got to...

45:46 Caller This boyfriend is different, and that's what I like, is that I used to think that sex would make me feel comfortable. It made me feel needed or important, and then now I found this guy...

45:57 Drew Hang on. Stop. Stop for a second. You don't give me the victim feeling, and you seem to be pretty insightful about this stuff. Have you had some treatment or something?

46:06 Adam Yes, I have.

46:06 Drew All right. It's working.

46:08 Adam Yeah.

46:08 Drew Okay. It's working. So here's the deal. Don't worry about your past. You had a period of time where you were really sort of emotionally ill, and you had some behaviors associated with that. And naturally enough, it's a natural outcome of the history of what happened to you. Less history, more mystery is what Adam says. I agree with that. He doesn't need to know about it.

46:31 Caller He's going to find out. I mean, he's already mentioned a name of a guy that I have had sex with who he was friends with, who he was very good friends with. And I'm afraid that if he finds that out on his own accord, then I'm kind of screwed.

46:44 Drew Not necessarily.

46:45 Adam First off, who cares what kind of car he drives? Secondly, you got a little laugh out of Chris on that one.

46:51 Drew A smile.

46:52 Adam Very rare.

46:53 Drew A nod too.

46:55 Adam That's like Johnny calling you over to the stats. Yeah, that's good. Chris gives you a nod.

47:00 Drew A nod of approval. Yeah.

47:02 Adam Thanks, buddy. I'm going to remember this. Here's... We got to get a bobble head of Chris so I can see him nodding on my dashboard. Hey, Rachel, please listen to me before you after this thing up. You ready?

47:16 I'm listening.

47:18 Adam I need you to tell him that you need to lie to him, all right?

47:26 But I can't.

47:28 Adam Sure you can.

47:28 Caller He knows. He will know.

47:30 Adam Right. Well, first off, what's he going to do? Interview everyone in town?

47:35 Caller No, but I mean, if he ends up being friends with this person again, then they're for sure. I mean, you say, oh, I mean, come on. When you were in high school, did you say, oh, well, you did it back. Oh, I have sex with her in the back of my car. Not that I have sex.

47:49 Drew You know, you guys, guys are a little more sometimes a little more.

47:54 Adam It depends.

47:55 Drew Yeah. If you really know, if they know he's really into you, they might kind of.

47:58 Adam They might think he could kick their ass.

48:00 Drew Right. They might not say.

48:02 Adam Are you guys seniors in high school?

48:05 Caller No, we've graduated.

48:07 Drew So you're not going to wait a minute.

48:09 Adam Wait a minute. What month are we in? You're graduating.

48:12 Drew Graduated 17.

48:14 Adam You already. You already graduated.

48:17 Caller Yes.

48:18 Adam OK, so he's not in high school. Neither are you.

48:21 Caller No, he's older than me.

48:23 Adam OK, you're bringing up the high school scenario, but why don't you bring up Vietnam? You know, people talk in these hot Asian countries.

48:32 Drew The VFW meeting halls.

48:34 Adam You're you're you're not in high school, right?

48:37 Caller But they do work in the same area.

48:41 Adam You work in this. Oh, yeah, that goes gossip, gossip, and, you know, mechanic, mechanic. Yeah. OK, listen, Rachel, you're hell bent on destroying this relationship.

48:54 Drew Yeah, you seem to be.

48:55 Adam And that's what you're going to do. Now, listen to me. You just tell him you just tell him you just deny it just now.

49:04 Drew I don't know that. That's right. I just would just stay out of it. Just not listen to what. Yeah, I care about you. Whatever. I'm sure you had stuff in high school. Whatever. Right now, I'm committed. I have no problem staying committed. I'm moving forward in my life. Whatever. You know, people don't. By the way, when you hit the workforce, people aren't harkening back to high school very often.

49:21 Adam Yeah.

49:21 Drew They're preoccupied.

49:23 Adam Rachel, just don't sabotage it. That's where you're heading.

49:26 Drew Because you feel so guilty and ashamed, you want to sort of come out with that to try to feel better with it. And reality, what it's going to do is sabotage the relationship.

49:34 Adam Let me explain. Let me explain how guys are about past partners. You think, well, they're not going to believe, you know, I was with 25 guys, you're not going to believe I wasn't with any. People believe what they want to believe. For guys, it's past partners. For girls, it's bad haircuts. You come in with the world's crappiest haircut. What do you think? It looks great. That's all you need to say. They're on their way. Whistling. That's it. You don't have to straighten anybody out. Guys are about that way with the past partners.

50:03 Drew And by the way, if he's really into you and he's older, he's in his mid-20s maybe, he'll let go of some of this stuff.

50:10 Adam You hit him with a bunch of details, a little video tape, and he's gone.

50:15 Drew Yeah, he's gone.

50:16 Adam And before he leaves, he's going to take it out on you for about six months, and then he's gone.

50:20 Drew Yeah.

50:21 Adam And then he makes a video with you, and then he's gone.

50:23 Drew And then he shows that around. All right.

50:25 Adam Don't bother. Don't do it. Just don't do it.

50:27 Drew Don't need to.

50:27 Adam Hey, look, it's a good idea to lie to him. You know, lying is not always the worst thing. Like, look, if somebody got into a horrible car wreck and their kid was ejected from the car and impaled on some rebar, and they were lying clean to life, you know, the bottom of the ravine and every bone in their body was broken, they weren't going to make up the hill, and they were like, How's little Timmy? Did he make it? I'll be, he's fine. He's not a scratch.

50:58 Drew He's, he's home. Sometimes, when it's appropriate.

51:01 Adam Now, I just do that move where I close your eyelids, and then you go, I'm not dead, I'm just a glistening, close the eyelids. Come on, I'm dead. Did that hand move? You know that hand move where I wave a wand over your head and your eyes?

51:12 Drew Eyes magically shut?

51:14 Adam No, you gotta be dead for that.

51:15 Drew By the way, have you ever tried to do that with that person?

51:17 Adam No, all the time.

51:18 Drew Eyelids do not want to, it's like trying to put silly putty down.

51:22 Adam You gotta pin them down. You gotta use a toothpick, like when you're holding together an hors d'oeuvre. Wrapped around some jicama. Yeah, you gotta stick it through there. Yeah. Okay. Take a quick break. Oh, look, the love affair with Chris is over now.

51:37 Drew No, he's, he gave a little, a little mop. All right.

51:40 Adam Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

51:43 All right, guys.

51:44 Caller Here's the deal.

51:45 You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

51:48 Drew One call is all you need to make.

51:50 Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

51:53 Drew Call the Dateline.

52:11 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Let's talk to Ashley. She's 23. Ashley?

52:23 Caller Hi.

52:24 Adam What's up?

52:27 Caller Well, I don't know what to say. I just wanted advice from Drew, or one of you guys. What you guys think I, you know, if you guys could give me advice.

52:36 Drew Well, here we go.

52:37 Caller My boyfriend and I, well, I live with him. And ever since his brother's moved in from, I guess, New York, I don't know, I've had problems like dealing with, like dealing with him being here, his brother being here. He's giving more attention to, like, his brother. I mean, he talks to his brother in ways that, you know, like, that he doesn't talk to me.

53:00 Drew Put her on hold for a second. Just one second, Ashley, one second. You get in the, is it coming to focus for you at all, just how she makes you feel?

53:09 Adam There's something, I mean, something not right. I don't have a specific picture, but she, he talks to his brother like he should be telling me, like, come here, monkey nipples, come here, sweetie. Come here, brother of mine. Blood of my own blood, blood. Come here, come here, bro. Give me a brotherly hug. Come on, give it up. Don't keep your mouth closed. Give me a little kiss.

53:34 Drew Come on. Come on, buddy.

53:37 Adam Yeah, we're tight. We're tight, man. How does he talk to his brother?

53:42 Caller That's sure exactly what you're saying. I have for some reason, Drew, I want to know why I feel jealous. I feel like angry. I mean, not just the way he talks to like his brother, but like, you know, conversation wise, the way I see him talking to his coworkers and his friends. Like, you know, like he starts conversations with them. He shares things with them. He can't share that with me and it frustrates me. All right, hold on a second.

54:06 Adam We gotta talk more about Ashley Mannerback. Let me tell you something. I'll tell you the syndrome I see. This is what happens. She is a damaged goods and a ball buster. And then the thing is, is why can't, what, what, why don't you, why don't you open up to me? I don't open up to you because you bust balls.

54:26 Drew It's scary. It's scary to open up to her.

54:28 Adam People, you know, listen, everybody, you create the world you live in. Your own little world, that's the one you live in. You people that are like, how come no one ever tells me anything? Why? Because you freak out every time the smallest thing goes wrong and it becomes a way of avoiding. It's blackmail. It's a blackmail. It's like, don't tell me anything I don't want to hear. Otherwise I'll go berserk. Well, here's the answer to that.

54:52 Drew You don't hear anything.

54:53 Adam You don't hear anything. You find out later and guess what? Guess who's wounded. Oh my God, why didn't you tell me? We can't tell you things. Remember, you freak out every time. We did tell you things once upon a time. You freaked every time.

55:05 Drew You learn.

55:06 Adam Now we're not telling you anymore. These are the same people like, why wasn't I invited to the party? I'm outraged. Everyone was invited but me. Let's break that. Once you really think about that sentence for a minute.

55:17 Drew You have to show people some pretty good aggression for them to start hiding.

55:22 Adam Yes.

55:22 Drew You have to see the aggression.

55:24 Adam All right. Ashley, you're intense. You're too intense for him. You're such a ball breaker that he doesn't want to tell you anything.

55:32 Drew Who's afraid to?

55:33 Caller I don't freak out. I am the most patient person. I am very understanding. I give him all my time. I would drop anything for him.

55:45 Drew Ashley, you're freaking me out right now. You're scaring me.

55:48 Caller I'm having so much problem. That's why.

55:49 Drew I know. But if this is anything like your day in, day out persona, we're freaking out just talking on the phone.

55:57 Caller I understand that.

55:59 I understand.

56:00 Caller I'm very depressed. I'm very lonely. Tonight, I don't know, it's one of those little things. He said he was going to, I guess, meet me at his apartment at 7. But I guess he didn't show up. He said he promised. Instead, he told me he was going to go out with his brother for three hours, meet me at 7. He waited here until 8, 10. He didn't show up. I've been here till 11.

56:22 Drew All right. So are we getting you just-

56:23 Caller I've done a lot of crazy things just to chase him around because for some reason, I do want to be with him. I want to be with him like all the time.

56:29 Drew Give me an example of one of the crazy things you've done.

56:32 Caller Like today, I drove all around town where I think he would be, where he would take his brother because he said he was going to go hang out. There comes trust. I don't trust him.

56:45 Drew What did you do?

56:45 Adam You canvassed the Los Angeles area.

56:48 Drew What did you do?

56:49 Caller I just drove around like downtown area. I drove around two different cities around that area.

56:55 Drew Hold on a second.

56:56 Adam I'm just picturing her talking to Huggy Bear. Hey Rooster, come here. You seem to white cat. My memory is not so good. And then you like peel off 20. She hands him the guy's wearing like a purple fedora and he's got a couple of bitches he just turned out. And he's like, yeah, listen, word on the street, something bad blew in from Burbank just a couple of hours ago. They're hanging out at a honky tonk called Joe's, but you didn't hear it from me. And then he flips another joint like, you just, you're going to cruise. LA is 500 square miles by the way.

57:34 Caller Right.

57:35 Adam That's if they're outside.

57:36 Drew Yeah.

57:37 Adam If you got to actually stop and go into every, every bar, every movie.

57:40 Drew Makes you wonder if the boyfriend does a little drugs and drinking.

57:44 Adam He's hanging out.

57:45 Drew Because that's the kind of hangout thing.

57:47 Adam Yeah. Ashley, what's this guy do?

57:50 Caller What does he do? Military.

57:51 Drew For living.

57:52 Adam What's that?

57:53 Caller Military.

57:54 Adam Military. All right. And how did you figure you could just get in your car and find him?

58:00 Caller He doesn't really go to a lot of places. I know the usual places he likes to go to a lot. I mean, me and him used to go there. He doesn't know a lot of places.

58:07 Drew What does he do in these places?

58:10 Caller A drink, maybe, a talk. I don't know what he does, but I just don't, I don't, for some reason, Drew, is there something that's wrong with me? Because is there a disorder? Is there like, what is wrong with me? Why am I torturing myself? Why am I depressed and thinking about him when I could do other things? What is wrong with me?

58:27 Drew This kind of chaos, well, you would need a lot more assessment, Ashley, but the chaos you're feeling right now is a lot of things. It can be a personality disorder. If you had a chaotic family upbringing and a lot of abandonment, neglect or abuse, you get something called a borderline personality disorder and borderlines get these kinds of relationships all the time. You might be an alcoholic or drug addict and this may be part of your alcoholism acting out that you're using buddies and you're just sort of escalating together and he's going on and doing his alcoholic thing and not really worried about you and it's possibly that. You could be bipolar, you're getting kind of manic now on us and freaking out and it's hypomanic as a lot of things can cause this sort of thing. But you need a little help with what's going on, it seems to me.

59:09 Adam It could be Italian or Mexican. That'll cause it too. What are you? One of those troubled ones?

59:17 Caller What?

59:19 Adam Ashley?

59:20 Caller Yes?

59:20 Adam What are you?

59:21 Caller You know what, Drew? I've been having those symptoms for a couple years now. I've been researching it and you know what, I've went into a health clinic and I'm trying to get an appointment in the next two weeks to try to get like a free diagnosis or evaluation of bipolar.

59:38 Adam Hey Ashley, what's your nationality?

59:42 Caller I kind of want to keep that to myself.

59:45 Drew I guess you will.

59:46 Adam By the way, here's the thing, you want a good way for me to hang up on you, just keep saying, Drew, Drew, Drew, Drew or couch things, Drew or other guy, Drew or whoever, Drew, Drew, Drew, just answer my goddamn questions and stop every question with Drew. I understand you think he's a smart one.

1:00:04 Drew But he has to go back to you.

1:00:06 Adam No, I do. I'm angry now. Ashley.

1:00:09 Caller Sorry.

1:00:09 Adam Drew can help you, but you got to tell me your nationality.

1:00:16 Caller What does it do though?

1:00:21 Adam I'm going to wear one more shot.

1:00:23 Drew One more? Okay.

1:00:24 Adam I didn't really need to know before.

1:00:25 Drew I know.

1:00:26 Adam I need to know now.

1:00:26 Drew I know.

1:00:27 Adam You understand?

1:00:28 Drew I understand.

1:00:29 Adam Ashley. I'm going to hang up on you for good if you don't tell me your nationality right now. Asian?

1:00:37 Drew Yeah. And were your parents?

1:00:39 Adam Angry boy.

1:00:40 Drew Yeah.

1:00:41 Adam What's up?

1:00:41 Drew If you want to look something up, look up borderline personality disorder. Yeah. Yeah, you may want to sort of look into that.

1:00:47 Adam Let me tell you about Asian, by the way.

1:00:49 Caller I'm actually looking to bipolar, seriously.

1:00:51 Drew Yeah, you got some bipolar qualities, but I deal with the what I call cluster B personality disorders all the time.

1:00:56 Adam I got the cluster F part at work.

1:00:59 Drew And people with that kind of personality disorder sort of project their feelings into the world. Yeah. And I get a real specific feeling from borderlines, and I'm kind of getting that feeling from you.

1:01:09 Adam Let me tell you about Asian too. It usually doesn't veer off course. When it does, it goes hard.

1:01:14 Hard.

1:01:15 Adam You may be veering hard. And Ashley, you got to get a life going for yourself. And instead of this guy being your life, this guy, this military guy with his JO brother in from out of town. Really?

1:01:29 Drew What would your parents say?

1:01:31 Adam Yeah. I think she's practicing the cello right now. They're going nuts. And by the way, it says, had the cops called on her today.

1:01:40 Drew Is that true?

1:01:41 Caller Yes.

1:01:42 Drew That's kind of a weird borderline thing.

1:01:43 Adam Why did he call the cops on you?

1:01:44 Caller You know, me and him had a stupid argument. He wanted me to get out of the apartment. He wanted me to take out all my stuff. I have my own apartment, but I've been staying here every day. I don't know why, but I just want to be with him like every day. I feel like abandon, like if I'm not with him for like an hour.

1:01:59 Drew Well, just that was the word I was going to bring out. The borderlines have profound abandonment issues.

1:02:03 Adam All right, Ashley, get yourself some therapy, please.

1:02:05 Caller I think I need it, honestly.

1:02:07 Drew All right, we agree, completely.

1:02:09 Adam We're with you on that one.

1:02:10 Drew Mood stabilizers can help sometimes.

1:02:11 Adam It's fine.

1:02:12 Caller I need medication or something.

1:02:14 Drew Yes, you probably do.

1:02:15 Guest I just need it.

1:02:16 Drew Yes, yes I am.

1:02:18 Adam Get some therapy.

1:02:20 Caller I've been like so mentally unstable at work. Like it's so hard for me to work.

1:02:23 Drew What kind of work do you do?

1:02:25 Caller I do computers. I work for an original company with Cisco, an affiliated company with them, but it's been hard.

1:02:32 Adam It's starting to work out a little bit now. Now it's coming into focus. Listen, Ashley, why put this kind of pressure on yourself? Just get a little therapy. Everything's going to be fine.

1:02:41 Drew People's craziness really comes out in their inner personal lives. And you see it's coming out here. And it's really not about him and you. It's about you. It's about what's going on internally.

1:02:50 Adam By the way, look, I hate to say it. I mean, everyone gets mad at me when I say this, but look, most military guys are losers. The cause is noble, but they're losers.

1:03:01 Drew He could be a general or something. Who knows?

1:03:05 Adam General Jackoff is having a VO press with his idiot brother from New York in downtown LA.

1:03:12 Why do you think she's so secretive with her nationality, but she had no problem telling you exactly what she did.

1:03:16 Drew Shame, shame, shame, shame.

1:03:17 But exactly what she did and exactly where she works.

1:03:20 Drew I know.

1:03:21 Adam I don't know why she had to work at the Cisco.

1:03:23 Drew That's all that borderline stuff.

1:03:24 Adam Yeah. Well, listen, you know what? You know we end up doing a lot, end up as a society trying to figure out nuts all day long. It's just like, this guy had a family and a beautiful wife and beautiful kids and he ends it all this way. What was he thinking? That's all we do.

1:03:40 Drew Then you get eight people in the neighborhood being interviewed and say, he was the nicest guy. So I'm picking his paper up every morning. I love it.

1:03:47 Adam Listen, every community, every block party, he was barbecuing and it's always what, what, what? Well, let me tell you what nuts is. You don't need a reason when you're nuts. That's what nuts is.

1:03:56 Drew I want you to think about Ashley with an attorney. No. You see?

1:03:59 Adam Suing, yes. Suing, suing the sun for shining.

1:04:03 Drew That's what these guys do. Yeah. System was designed.

1:04:06 Adam How long before someone sues the sun? They get a little skin cancer? Going after the sun. I'm going after the fiery orb in the sky.

1:04:14 Drew Raw?

1:04:16 Adam I'm in red. Class action. Everyone has got a moles going after them. All right. Then you got Will.

1:04:23 Drew The German here in Florida? Or Will.

1:04:25 Adam A little dose for a friend born. I want to get rid of this guy, this John over here.

1:04:31 Drew How long Will's been on hold? 87 minutes.

1:04:33 Adam John?

1:04:34 Caller Yeah.

1:04:35 Adam You're born colorblind?

1:04:37 Caller Yeah, I am. I'm in flight school right now and I can see colors fine, but they're telling me I can't fly at nighttime. I don't know if there's any way you can cure it or anything like that.

1:04:50 Drew No, it's a specific deficiency of cones in your retina, cone cells. And yeah, there's nothing really to be done about that. I mean, you aren't seeing, they've tested you and you don't see normally at night?

1:05:02 Caller Yeah, I mean, I've already done a whole bunch of night landings, so I can see the lights fine, but they have me look in a little book with circles and numbers in it, and I can't see the numbers in the circles.

1:05:13 Drew It's your red, green, colorblind, probably.

1:05:15 Adam The numbers in circles are colors?

1:05:17 Drew No, what they are is, I have this, I have this.

1:05:20 Adam What is this?

1:05:21 Drew It's a book with these, a lot of little, it's a circle, and in there are all these other red and green little, like different, like bubbles of different size, it looks like, and when you look at it at a distance, you'll see a number will emerge, like a number in red will show up amongst the green, like number seven.

1:05:35 Adam How are you supposed to beat off to that?

1:05:36 Drew And if you're colorblind, like a four will show up instead of a seven.

1:05:40 Adam Oh, really?

1:05:40 Drew Yeah. And so I was in biology class in ninth grade and the teacher's going, and you know, everyone here can see a number, what is it? I go 13, the whole room just starts erupting with laughter. Like they're going hysterical. What? 13? That's a seven. Seven, what? Well, how about this number? A four. Ah, what's going on?

1:05:56 Adam You think you're looking at a four.

1:05:57 Drew That's what you see when you have red, green colorblindness. I didn't know I was colorblind until that class.

1:06:02 Adam I'm not colorblind, colorblind, but I like to think of myself as colorblind, you know, when it comes to nationalities and culture.

1:06:09 Drew I've always thought of you that way.

1:06:10 Adam Yeah.

1:06:11 Drew Yeah. You never see.

1:06:12 Adam No, no, no, I don't know. I don't know. I don't care.

1:06:16 Drew What racist nationalized Chris, for instance, Chris, Chris.

1:06:19 Adam He got a little wet back in him. That's all I know. There is a Jewish could be a little little kike. Well, I don't know. I'm colorblind.

1:06:28 Drew Yeah, of course.

1:06:28 Adam I don't know. A little guinea.

1:06:30 Drew Yeah.

1:06:31 Adam I don't know.

1:06:32 Drew What's that, John?

1:06:33 Caller Is this something that gets worse like as I get older? I think it will work.

1:06:36 Drew Well, maybe not. Everyone gets a little more night issues as you get older. But colorblindness is associated with night problems. And vitamin A, they say, may help this somewhat. But I really don't see any studies that significantly helps.

1:06:47 Caller All right.

1:06:47 Adam Listen, John.

1:06:49 Caller Yeah.

1:06:50 Adam You're going to have to move to the ball turret. You understand what I'm saying?

1:06:54 Caller Doesn't it seem ridiculous though that because I can't see colors, it means I can't fly at night when I can see the colors flying anyway?

1:07:02 Drew No, no, no. It means you have a specific deficiency. Even though it seems to you... Listen, I didn't know I was colorblind until I looked at a book like that and never started laughing at me. You think you're seeing colors, but you're not perceiving things normally in the normal spectrum.

1:07:15 Adam I'll say this for airplanes, too. There's many different colors on many of the different switches and gauges and things in the cockpit, aren't there?

1:07:22 Drew Yeah, but you can see the color. It's the lights in the dark, particularly the light, light colors. You can't see it. But it just means that you're going to have some night vision problems, too. That's what it means.

1:07:30 Adam What kind of aircraft were you looking to fly?

1:07:34 Caller It's a Cessna 172. It's just a small little single engine.

1:07:37 Drew It seems weird they wouldn't let him fly that.

1:07:38 Adam Is this a military thing?

1:07:40 Caller No, it's just I quit my job and I wanted to do something fun. So...

1:07:45 Drew Quit your job?

1:07:46 Adam Oh, you wanted to do something fun?

1:07:47 Drew Quit your job and started paying somebody else to train you? How does that work?

1:07:51 Caller What's that?

1:07:53 Adam How much did you make enough money that you can just quit and go to flight school?

1:07:58 Caller Yeah, well, I was saving up for a house and I decided I've always wanted to do flight school and so I decided that I'm still young, why not do something fun?

1:08:05 Adam I thought, I mean, I know the military has pretty astringent ordinances as far, or regulations involving this kind of thing. And that's what we thought you were talking about, but private flight school, they train Arabs how to just take off commercial aircraft.

1:08:24 Drew Yes, I'm surprised.

1:08:28 Adam Really, that's been a great pitch. And by the way, if you're a terrorist, how brash are you, by the way? So let me get this straight, Hamid, Abu, Nassad, Karzai, How's it going? How's it going? You would like to learn to just take the commercial aircraft off. If yes, that is all.

1:08:53 Drew It's been my dream.

1:08:55 Adam It is dream. Yeah, well, and no matter how much fuel you have, eventually you're going to have to... No, not necessarily.

1:09:01 Drew Not all right.

1:09:02 Adam Not all right. Yeah, well, and if you at least want to know how to put the gear down, no, it slows me down. You understand there's no in-flight refueling for commercial aircraft. Don't worry. Just give manual and take off. The thing I love, and this is really, this is the beauty of the government. Like some guys like, wow, this seems fishy. We had to pick up the blower and call Bethesda and see if we can get a couple of answers on this. And here's where you slippery, slow pussies come into play. Government so freaked out about doing anything. Like, well, how about we go grab the guy's computer and take a little look, see what's on. We can't do that. ACLU will sue us into the Stone Age. No, no, we can't move.

1:09:45 Drew You got Ashley in the ACLU coming after you. That's what's in the issue.

1:09:50 Adam Yeah. So, and everyone thinks that's a great thing. That's a great thing. That's a great thing. They have the guy, they have his computer, they could look into the computer and blow the lid off the whole thing a few months before the planes go into the towers, but not enough probable cause to open the computer.

1:10:09 Drew We would be worse.

1:10:10 Adam Yeah, we're worse.

1:10:11 Drew We're worse than the people that we're trying to keep out.

1:10:14 Adam We took the guy's Mac laptop and popped the disc and took a look at it and gave it back to him because there was nothing on it. That would make us worse than the people that had folks commonly. Oh yeah.

1:10:27 Drew Well, it puts us in the same.

1:10:29 Adam Yeah, same. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They killed people with rocks cause they showed a little ankle and no problem there. Yeah, yeah, no, same, same. Oh no, actually worse. Makes us worse.

1:10:39 Drew Yeah, I don't know how we're saying we're saying we're one thing, we're worse.

1:10:42 Adam Yeah, we're just as bad or worse. Oh, no, they're good. We're bad. Yeah, that's how it goes. All right. There you go. But if you're an angel, thank your ACLU for that.

1:10:49 Drew You're an angry, angry Ashley. You can take that anger. Oh, yeah.

1:10:52 Adam We can take that right to the ACLU line up to the city. Will.

1:10:59 Caller Yes.

1:10:59 Adam You're 22.

1:11:01 Caller Exactly.

1:11:02 Adam What's up? What's up?

1:11:03 Caller Man, I got a lot of problems.

1:11:05 Adam Great. Go ahead.

1:11:06 Caller All right. Well, sorry, can I give you a little bit of history?

1:11:10 Adam Sure.

1:11:10 Caller Do you have time for it?

1:11:12 Adam Sure. We're up for it. We're up for about 30 seconds of it.

1:11:15 Caller Oh, crap.

1:11:16 Caller OK.

1:11:17 Caller Well, when I was about second grade, I tried to commit suicide, did my parents' arguments, they get divorced, yada, yada, yada.

1:11:26 Adam Second grade?

1:11:27 Drew Hold on. Slow down. You're eight years old. You try to kill yourself.

1:11:32 Caller Second grade.

1:11:33 Drew What did you do?

1:11:35 Caller You know, Western Tie?

1:11:37 Adam Western Tie, like a bolo?

1:11:39 Caller Yeah.

1:11:40 Caller And try to sit down on a doorknob.

1:11:42 Adam Try to hang yourself on a door? You know, you're young, by the way, when you're trying to hang yourself on a doorknob.

1:11:49 Drew A little scorpion on a bolo.

1:11:51 Caller That's what happened. I mean, children's hospital in Arkansas. I've been there for about 30 days.

1:11:58 Adam It really sounds like a Jeff Fox worthy bit.

1:12:15 Caller Well.

1:12:16 Caller Yes.

1:12:17 Adam Sorry, brother.

1:12:18 Caller That's awful.

1:12:18 Adam Yeah. Your parents argued so much you tried to hang yourself.

1:12:21 Caller Right.

1:12:22 Adam But it didn't work, right?

1:12:24 Caller Well, right. Well, they kind of, you know, stopped me. I mean, they put me in the middle of their arguments all the time. Verbal, physical, yadda yadda yadda. Horrible. I was my dad's favorite, my mom's favorite, and the middle child at that. So I kind of got screwed.

1:12:40 Drew All right. What's the question now?

1:12:41 Caller Okay. I've been long for relationship in the past two years, engaged, joined the Corps, just reservists, came back. Urah. Exactly. Simplified. And my ex-brother is screwing my friend up, all right? Yeah. And so I've been kind of friends with this girl for about nine months now. And I've never had like a two-girl, three-some before. And she finally breaks down, brings her friend over here, and we'll sleep together. Then we'll sleep together five days after that. And like there's just kind of a weird relationship developing. And like I have feelings towards her a little bit. I don't understand that, you know?

1:13:23 Drew The new one, the third girl you're getting involved with.

1:13:27 Caller No, no, no. The girl that I originally became friends with is the one that I'm kind of...

1:13:33 Adam Alright, the one that got... Okay. Okay, listen. Well, your fiance is gone. She's long gone.

1:13:39 Caller Oh, sure.

1:13:40 Adam You don't have any kids, right?

1:13:43 Caller No, I don't think I can have kids.

1:13:45 Adam You don't think? I think you can.

1:13:46 Drew Yes, yes. I've seen my crystal ball many, many kids.

1:13:50 Adam Yeah. Listen, any guy who tried to hang himself with a rodeo tie and pronounces vagina, vagina, can have kids. Believe you or me. So, this pullout technique of yours, just because you dodged a few bullets... Look, it's like being... It's like you're a Marine and it's like you're saying, I don't think I can be killed.

1:14:11 Drew Right.

1:14:11 Adam Because I was a Marine, I saw a little action, I'm still here.

1:14:13 Drew That's exactly right.

1:14:14 Adam You got lucky is what you got. Motivate. That's right.

1:14:19 Drew All right.

1:14:19 Adam Well, don't get anyone pregnant. Just take back all that stuff I said about the military a few minutes ago.

1:14:26 Drew Yeah. I can see why.

1:14:27 Adam Cream and a crab. Now look, here's what the military is. You go into the military, here's what it is. You go into military when you have too much pride for junior college.

1:14:39 Drew My fantasy about guys like Will is that when he's in the Marines, he's completely together and then it carries on in the life.

1:14:45 Adam It'd be nice. It'd be nice.

1:14:47 Drew Doesn't work like that?

1:14:48 Adam Look, here's the thing. Here's what I want to say about the military. It molds people.

1:14:53 Drew Yeah, I think.

1:14:54 Adam Where is, where?

1:14:56 Drew Junior college languishes.

1:14:57 Adam No, they get mold on them.

1:14:59 Drew Yeah, yeah, they actually grow mold.

1:15:00 Adam One actually molds and the other actually grows mold.

1:15:03 Drew Yes.

1:15:04 Adam One of them-

1:15:05 Drew Lichen starts first.

1:15:06 Adam Right.

1:15:07 Drew And then spores.

1:15:08 Adam Spores start forming. Yeah. No, that's the difference. I mean, here's, that's all you need to know. You talk to these guys, they interview these guys that are over in Iraq, right? And these guys are like 21, 22 years old, and they're together, and they're disciplined, and they're focused, and they sound great. They really do. And you realize these guys were the losers that were in your junior high and high school class. They weren't going to college, they didn't have any family that was going to do anything. They went into the military because-

1:15:40 Drew Guys like that.

1:15:41 Adam Well, that's few and far between, Pat Tillman. But you go into the military because you ain't got anything else going, and they mold you.

1:15:49 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:15:50 Adam They just mold you. Gettin up at six in the morning.

1:15:54 Drew Good for you.

1:15:55 Adam Black guy with a wooden spoon in a trash can every morning.

1:15:59 Get up, ladies!

1:16:01 Adam Ladies, all the everyone ladies.

1:16:04 Drew It's nice.

1:16:04 Adam Yeah, tellin everyone not to eyeball them, tellin them to address them in a clear and present tone. That's the voice they use to cunt drug money out of their liberal parents. And he starts eyeballing everyone and getting in everyone's face.

1:16:16 Drew Well, like, we have the guys from that show.

1:16:18 Adam Yeah.

1:16:19 Drew What was that show called?

1:16:20 Adam Five years ago.

1:16:21 Drew Yeah, but here's how they talk to their recruits.

1:16:23 Adam Yeah. You got that Anderson? I heard a noise. You got another question, weirdo?

1:16:28 Hurry up! Get out of my face right now! Push! Push!

1:16:34 Adam We want to puke! That was when, Drew, remember you guys were in the bathroom? You were trying to do a number two?

1:16:41 Drew Yeah.

1:16:41 Adam I stood over there.

1:16:41 Drew They helped me. Yeah, it was good.

1:16:43 Adam Yeah. It was great. Yeah, boot camp.

1:16:45 Drew That's the show.

1:16:46 Adam Point is, is you take these slack-jawed, crappy student junior college material and they go in here and they get molded.

1:16:54 Drew Yeah.

1:16:54 Adam Or you go to junior college, you start smoking reefer, you start hating the man, you hate your stepdad, and you camp at your house and get fat for about eight years. For eventually, they just sell it out from under you and you crash on someone's sofa. That's it. That's a good point. That's it. That's what I'm saying, Drew. Junior college students, military guys, both at about the same point as seniors in high school.

1:17:18 Drew Be molded or grow mold?

1:17:20 Adam Be molded or get molded.

1:17:21 Drew That should be the brain's new-

1:17:23 Adam That's it.

1:17:23 Drew Growl and cry.

1:17:24 Adam Go to junior college, drop a few tabs of acid and learn to hate the man or get out there and do some push-ups at sunrise and be molded. Thank you. I love a crisis, pussies. Junior college guys make me sick. All right. Let's take a little break, Drew.

1:17:39 Drew All right. Will, calm down. Will, use condoms.

1:17:41 Adam Use condoms. We'll be right back after this.

1:17:47 Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:17:50 We'll be right back.

1:18:02 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-E-E-1-9-1. Let's hop to the phones. We got a little Germany or Florida. John's been on hold for 99 minutes and 28 seconds.

1:18:17 Drew We'll make it even hotter, shall we?

1:18:19 Adam Yeah, I'm gonna do that.

1:18:21 Caller Yeah.

1:18:21 Caller Things are sick and twisted. From humans, sun, and Nazis.

1:18:25 Caller Sex, meth, and death fetishes. Both of them have got these. Guaranteed not to bore ya, Germany or Florida.

1:18:32 Adam Now he's been on hold for 99 minutes and 49 seconds.

1:18:37 Caller Things are sick and twisted. From too much sun and Nazis.

1:18:41 Caller Sex, meth, and death fetishes. Both of them have got these. Guaranteed not to bore ya, Germany or Florida.

1:18:48 Drew There we are, right on 100.

1:18:49 Adam Yeah, 100 minutes. Look at that. Look at all those digits.

1:18:53 Caller Well done.

1:18:53 Drew All those zeros.

1:18:54 Adam Yeah.

1:18:55 Drew Looks like your bank account, Adam.

1:18:57 Adam No, man. Yeah, I had another couple thousand zeros. That's my bank account. Chris's bank account too, except for there's no whole number. It's just 100 zeros.

1:19:07 Drew All the empty z's.

1:19:08 Adam I don't even know why they put all the, I don't know why they go that deep with the zeros.

1:19:11 Caller That's good.

1:19:12 Drew We gotta fill space.

1:19:12 Adam 300 digits, all zeros.

1:19:14 Caller Oh, okay.

1:19:18 Drew We have a virtual Chris too. It's good.

1:19:20 Adam Yeah.

1:19:20 I didn't know that you could do that.

1:19:22 Caller Oh yeah.

1:19:24 Drew I'm used to it.

1:19:24 Adam Whatever. Yeah. John.

1:19:27 Hey Adam, Drew, what's up?

1:19:29 Adam Hey, you're 17. What's going on, brother man?

1:19:31 Caller Hey, I have a journey in Florida and I also have a question if that's okay.

1:19:34 Adam All right.

1:19:35 Drew Question first.

1:19:36 Adam Question first.

1:19:36 Caller Question first. Okay. I'm concerned that my friend is becoming an alcoholic and a quick little story.

1:19:44 Adam We, well, hold on. When you say friend, you mean penis, right?

1:19:49 Drew Penis becoming alcohol.

1:19:51 Caller She's a real person.

1:19:52 Drew She, she.

1:19:53 Caller Oh my goodness.

1:19:56 Caller She was at a party and her parents found out about that and whatever. She was grounded.

1:20:03 Caller A week later, she is back at it.

1:20:05 Caller She's getting drunk, passing out, throwing up. And I know Drew says it's like continued use or whatever in the face of consequence. So would you define her as a, I'm sorry.

1:20:18 Drew Is there a family history of alcoholism?

1:20:21 Caller I really couldn't tell you.

1:20:24 Drew If you think you see that, if you know, you, you suspect that mom or dad is an alcoholic, then yes, I would think very strongly about this as being the beginning stages of alcoholism.

1:20:35 Caller Well, I kind of know the parents. I mean, I don't know, they seem like nice people, but that doesn't really mean anything, I guess.

1:20:42 Drew No, it doesn't.

1:20:43 Adam Well, John, here's the thing, you can express your concern for her. That's about it. There's really nothing you can do.

1:20:50 Drew Just tell her you think it's a problem. She ought to think about getting help. Don't you see what this is doing? And keep sort of, you know, you're reflecting that back to her, but that's about it.

1:20:57 Adam Do you have a crush on her?

1:21:00 Caller Uh, no.

1:21:00 Caller Oh, no?

1:21:01 Caller She's not my other boyfriend.

1:21:01 Caller We're just friends.

1:21:02 Adam Really?

1:21:03 Drew Uh, no, no, no. Come on. You can see through that, can't you?

1:21:06 Adam John, John, you're a virgin?

1:21:08 Caller Uh, yeah.

1:21:10 Drew Shit.

1:21:12 Adam Here's how I know you're a virgin. Guys don't stay on hold for a hundred minutes who are getting laid.

1:21:17 Drew We're Germany or Florida. To ask about a girl that they're not involved in.

1:21:19 Adam Yeah, let me tell you, uh, let me tell you, like here's how, here's how guys that get laid at 17 are like first like, hello, loveline. Yeah, I got Germany, Florida.

1:21:29 Caller Hold on a second.

1:21:31 Caller Okay.

1:21:33 Adam One with that, two minutes, shine this noise.

1:21:37 Caller I got to get wood.

1:21:38 Adam That's, that's it. That's it. Hey baby, come here. Start talking.

1:21:42 Caller I got to hang up the phone.

1:21:43 Adam Yeah. That, that's how it works when you're getting laid. But John, endless. All right, buddy.

1:21:49 Drew Let's hear the Germany or Florida.

1:21:50 Adam Germany or Florida for us.

1:21:51 Drew We've got to, you got to pop them up here.

1:21:53 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:21:55 Drew That's not him.

1:21:56 Adam Yeah. Go ahead, Johnny.

1:21:58 Caller All right. A woman fell to her death while trying to do a handstand on the railing of a second floor hotel balcony. Officials said.

1:22:05 Drew Oh, my God.

1:22:05 Caller The woman. I'm sorry?

1:22:07 Drew Oh, my God.

1:22:08 Adam Yeah. I feel bad.

1:22:10 Caller The woman, 23, died Sunday. While attempting a handstand, she toppled over and dropped to the hotel patio, according to the sheriff's department. Just before she fell, she had called out to a friend. Watch to see what I can still do, a police report said. Foul play is not believed to be involved.

1:22:25 Caller Germany or Florida.

1:22:27 Guest Oh.

1:22:29 Drew Well, acrobats come from Europe.

1:22:31 Adam That's true. This is more of a drunken junior cheerleader. You know, this is this is a this is a juiced up.

1:22:39 Drew And by the way, it's still a good chance somebody heaved her out the balcony.

1:22:42 Adam No, no, this should just happen anywhere. This is this. This had a few drinks and showing off and pal. This could be Florida or Florida. I'm going Florida. Yeah, Florida.

1:22:55 Caller It is Florida.

1:22:57 Adam Yeah, 100 minutes on hold for that.

1:23:00 Drew We did it.

1:23:01 Adam Looking good, brother. We're back on top.

1:23:03 Drew Yeah, I was going to say, you restored us.

1:23:05 Adam Bringing our A game. I want to talk to Coy over here. OK, because he was just talking about what I was talking about. Coy.

1:23:11 Caller Hey.

1:23:13 Adam What's up?

1:23:14 Caller I want to be a police officer, but I don't know if I want to go to TVCC and get my fellowships in criminal justice or if I want to go to the military and do MP work.

1:23:24 Adam You got to do one of those things. You can't just go to the police academy.

1:23:31 Caller Well, for the Boise Police Department, you have to have 64 credits to apply. In college, they don't specify what.

1:23:38 Adam Tell them you're like one-tenth the Eric Coy or something. They'll let you in.

1:23:42 Drew What if you go to be MP in military? Is that then you can make a lateral move to the community?

1:23:48 Caller I think so.

1:23:49 Drew Well, you better look into that.

1:23:51 Adam Look, here's what... You know what? I know this sounds like I'm eating my words here, but you can take some criminal justice classes over at the junior college and then go be a cop.

1:24:03 Drew Yeah.

1:24:03 Adam I'm fine with that.

1:24:04 Drew Well, that's what he... Oh, I see what you mean. Because it's like going to nursing school.

1:24:07 Adam Yeah, that's something. As long... Here's the guys I don't want going to junior college. You guys are just continuing their non-education. And by the way, you're continuing your education. What do you mean continuing?

1:24:18 Drew You don't want somebody to study liberal arts.

1:24:19 Adam You've been doing for the last six years. You've been doing Jack, number one, and smoking reefer and complaining about the man. It's not continuing your education. Are you kidding? You want to be a nurse? You want to be a cop? Maybe a fire science class? That's fine. Something clear. If it's not working out for a year or so, get out into the military.

1:24:37 Drew Perfect.

1:24:38 Adam Let me say this. I've been thinking a lot about caps lately because I'm now, I'm now, unlike Dillinger now, I'm on the most wanted list. I started by just turning left through left turn arrows. And that was my subtle act of defiance.

1:24:59 Drew And then you entered the slippery slope. Now you're just blowing through red lights wherever you see them.

1:25:03 Adam I'm going through everything now. I now go through everything.

1:25:07 Drew Railroad tracks, whatever.

1:25:08 Adam Here's the point. I haven't given the pep talk in a while to all the folks listening, especially out here in Southern California, which is, all right, I'm scared I'm going to go ballistic every time I bring it up, but this town is one big effing cluster effing F, okay? That's what it is, especially around the traffic times. And you realize, and they're always talking, what are we going to do? We're going to put a second story on the freeway? Are we going to do another subway, which is a billion dollars a foot if you tunnel under the city, and you have to start buying property and tearing down houses? What do we do? Too many people.

1:25:50 Caller I'll tell you one goddamn thing we could do. We could pick it up.

1:25:54 Adam We could pick it up. And every time I drive there, I did this today. It's like, it's 6.15, I'm coming home from the office, I'm going up a major, I'm going up like Vine. It's just packed.

1:26:05 Caller There's one jack-off who's driving 23 miles an hour. It's nothing but 200 yards of space in front of the chick.

1:26:13 Adam People piled up behind him. I was able to maneuver my way around. That person, it's that person.

1:26:18 Caller Another person drives it.

1:26:20 Adam Sort of, they're thinking about making the signal, but they're not sure if they want you to get through, so they seem to sort of slow down at the very end and then just creep across.

1:26:27 Drew It's out of it now.

1:26:28 Adam Also the A-holes that won't turn right on the red, even though it's completely clear.

1:26:33 Drew You know what drives me crazy? The guys that won't pull into the intersection for the left turn when you're waiting to turn left?

1:26:37 Adam Just hang it out, just hang it out, hang it out to the left lane, even though there's a turn lane. These guys, how about some tickets for these guys? And by the way, where's the campaign? Here's the campaign we hear. Slow it down.

1:26:51 Caller Slow it down! Slow it down?

1:26:56 Adam Why don't you tell the guy in the wheelchair to quit? Knock off the skipping and clicking your heels together. Slow it down, we're not going anywhere. That's the point. What do you mean slow it down?

1:27:08 Caller Slow down from what?

1:27:09 Drew From what to what, exactly.

1:27:10 Caller By the way, we start slowing down. I'm scared.

1:27:12 Drew Go backwards.

1:27:13 Caller The world, the earth will start revolving the opposite way. We'll be in the goddamn stone age. Slow what down, you retard?

1:27:22 Adam I like the pronunciation on retard there.

1:27:25 Drew That's good.

1:27:25 Caller Retard. Retard.

1:27:26 Adam It's like a French name.

1:27:27 Caller What is your name? Claude Retard.

1:27:30 Adam All right.

1:27:31 Drew Well, Monsieur Retard.

1:27:33 Caller It is incredible.

1:27:34 Adam And here's the thing. This city, without one new road being paved, without one penny being spent, could speed up 25 percent if the A-holes that were clogging everything up and not turning. How about just a little campaign?

1:27:51 Caller Turn right on the red. LA is filled with people.

1:27:57 Adam It is. It is. It is the work. L.A.'s motto should be just, you know, New York, bring us your tired, bring us your poor, bring us your crappy drivers from all around the world and the country to come over here and who, by the way, everywhere they're from. Evidently Los Angeles is the only major city we're turning right on a red when it's clear is legal. Evidently there's no place anyone comes from where they can they can do this and after 30 years of not doing it they can't seem to do it here either. How about a little awareness campaign? How about we back off just a little bit on the laptop security over at the airport? How about those PSAs or the secondhand smoke or all the other exquisitely important things that we do nothing but talk about in this crappy city and start teaching people that it's legal to turn right on a red? How about it? How about we get a little bit of a moment?

1:28:48 Drew By the way, all I have to do is get a few tickets. Instead of focusing on trapping the guys turn a left into the no left turn.

1:28:54 Adam Oh yeah, oh yeah. See, right now the tickets go, the guys are actually trying to make a little time. They're punished. So everyone's scared at S-list because LAPD is essentially Gestapo. Really, I mean, that's the way people look at them. They have ticket riding parties and that's what they do. Let's get them focused on people that are holding things up. People that are trying to move along. Yeah, they still make their money, but somehow they can't hide behind that, it's a safety thing. They hide behind that safety thing. Oh yeah, we got to put the cameras up at the intersections. It's a safety thing. Pussy's hiding behind that. How dare you? And let me tell you this, why then? So, here's the deal, and listen, all you complacent lemmings out there, would you please take something, form it into a spine and rise up with me?

1:29:40 Caller I'm asking you to rise up.

1:29:42 Adam I turn left on every single goddamn right, every single left turn arrow that turns red. I blow right through it. I don't even slow down anymore. If the signal is green and the left turn arrow is red and there's no cars coming, I turn left like an adult, like a right-thinking adult who's mature and able to make decisions. But by the way, I don't run off the road. I don't plow into school buses. When I come home and I go into the garage, I stop when I get close to the end of the garage. No way. I don't floor it and fly into the end of the garage. Not anymore. I am able to do this just like I'm able to turn left because I'm an adult. I'm an adult about it. And I just ask that everyone do this. And if everyone did it, we'd all be fine. And I've been doing it for what, four years? Not one ticket. And you know why you don't get a ticket?

1:30:32 Drew Because they can't tell.

1:30:33 Adam They don't know. And I realize here's what cops do. They, I broke it down the other day. 80% of tickets given are intentional. Like we're going up the hill. This is when I used to live up.

1:30:46 Drew We're going to aim at people and get tickets.

1:30:47 Adam I used to live up in Beachwood Canyon. This is what they would do. It's like, here's the deal. Well, it's 8.45 in the morning. We're going halfway up Beachwood Canyon. We're going to park our car, our motorcycle cop. We're going to park deep in some apartment driveway where we can't be seen from the street. We'll sit there at the radar gunner. We'll wait for secretaries to roll through four-way stops when there's no actual danger presented. And then we'll give the chicken-ass ticket to the chick who's trying to pay your goddamn salary via the taxes. She's being raped from her. We'll hold her up. She'll be a half hour late for work. We'll give her a ticket. And by the way, never enough personnel. Oh no, 911. Line's busy. No, no, we can't get an officer over to your house. No, no, he's too busy writing chicken-ass tickets. All right, that guy, see, so cops write those tickets. This is my point. They go up there and they go, we're gonna write some tickets. That's what we're gonna do. Take a ride in par, we're gonna go hassle. We're gonna go hassle the populace, essentially. And that's what they do. And they just sit there, and you can't talk your way out of that because they're there to write you a ticket. The other 20% of the tickets, I figured out, are just guys just driving around, sort of like, they're like tigers out in the Serengeti, looking for something moving, looking for something in the bushes, something shaking around.

1:31:56 Drew That's the Highway Patrol.

1:31:57 Adam Yeah, these are the guys, these guys are looking for speeders, and these are guys looking for guys blowing through reds and just swerving and being erratic and stuff like that.

1:32:04 Drew It's only Highway Patrol does that.

1:32:06 Adam When you, you'll see some of the sheriff guys out on the street, some of the LAPD, oh, and Burbank, I mean, Rape Bank, excuse me. They do nothing but write chicken ass tickets. Yeah, they're so busy writing chicken ass jaywalking tickets, it's amazing they ever get down to anything with wheels on it, but once in a while, they make time to write a chicken ass ticket for an automobile, but yeah, when they're not busy raping their public, who's actually on foot, which is nice, there you go. Yeah, let's get people back in their cars, Rape Bank. There you go, Burbank, get them back in the cars. God forbid they should cross the street, you idiots. All right, so here's the thing. I realize you start, you just start turning, turning left through those arrows. They don't, they don't notice that. They're not around, they got to be behind you. Otherwise, here's the thing, it doesn't jump out at them, because the signal's green.

1:32:50 Drew They can't see it.

1:32:50 Caller They can't see it. So look in your rear view.

1:32:53 Adam If you don't see a cop, just turn left.

1:32:54 Drew You could probably do it if the cop were sitting at the intersection facing you, because they wouldn't know.

1:32:59 Adam I have done 25,000 now, every day, every day, every day, every day. And I now go through piles of cars that are lined up, the lemmings. All I do, it's all I do when I laugh like an idiot. Please give me a ticket. And why do we put up with this? What is going on in this city? And how come nobody notices? Everyone's just sitting there waiting for the thing to cycle, rotting, just sitting there rotting, waiting to get t-boned by a drunk driver, a carjacked by a crip or blood.

1:33:28 Caller And you're just waiting.

1:33:28 Adam There's no traffic coming and you don't want to time these things.

1:33:33 Caller People, and people are like virtually retarded. I bring it up all the time. I say to people all the time, what are we doing with these arrows?

1:33:40 Adam And they're like, well, those are there to alleviate traffic. That's the green arrow.

1:33:46 Caller Why does it turn red? Uh, are you sure they, are you, what do you got sawdust in your head? Are you high? You don't notice this? You're not bothered by it?

1:33:57 Adam Uh, no, no. All right. Let's, as a city, here's what we deal with. We got to get people to quit smoking on the beach and then we'll deal with the devastating gridlock that is a city that costs billions of dollars a year by building lost work and productivity. That's when we'll get to that. Fantastic. All right, Drew, I'm going to go run through some red arrows and come back. We'll be back after this. Yeah, this is Loveline, Amanda, that's Dr. Drew. All right, well, that felt good. Got that off my chest. Ariel?

1:34:46 Yes?

1:34:47 Adam 17?

1:34:48 Yeah, hi.

1:34:48 Drew What's up?

1:34:49 I was just wondering about, I'm just about to start a new low dose birth control.

1:34:53 Drew Yep.

1:34:54 And I was wondering, how effective are they in?

1:34:57 Drew Just as effective as the other, really, they are.

1:34:59 Really? Oh, okay.

1:35:00 Drew But there's a little more, some people got a little more side effects to the progesterone. We talked a bit earlier tonight who had maybe a little decreased sex drive, that kind of thing. But they are very effective. Less of the nausea, less of the blow, less of the weight gain.

1:35:12 Adam Feel free to use that. Serene?

1:35:15 Yes.

1:35:16 Adam You're 21?

1:35:17 Caller Yes, I am.

1:35:18 Adam What's up?

1:35:20 Caller I have been taking Vicodin for the last two years, every day. And I'm just wondering what the best way is to stop without going to rehab.

1:35:30 Drew There is no way. No, no. If you're going to stop, if you're going to get into recovery, I will not treat opiate addiction without an inpatient hospitalization. It's a very difficult biology, very difficult to treat. Now, there are people out there that will use methadone and methadone tapers and or methadone replacement. And there's a medicine called buprenorphine.

1:35:52 Adam What's methadone? I mean, you're replacing it with methadone. Yeah.

1:35:55 Drew And there's buprenorphine, which is also a taper or replacement type intervention. I have just seen nothing but trouble with both those. So in my, from my way of looking at it, you got to go, you got to bite the bullet. You have a severe illness here. It's opiate addiction that needs to be dealt with.

1:36:10 Caller Is there any kind of like, I mean, doesn't rehab cost money? Isn't it like thousands of dollars? Hold on.

1:36:17 Caller You can't afford not to go to rehab.

1:36:20 Drew Do you have insurance?

1:36:21 Caller You know, I mean, when you're a food server, you don't exactly have thousands of dollars at once to pay to go. You know what I mean?

1:36:27 Drew Do you have insurance?

1:36:29 Caller Yeah, I have Kaiser.

1:36:31 Drew Kaiser has a very developed program for treatment of addiction. Just go to Kaiser.

1:36:35 Adam You said Kaiser like a Hasidic rabbi.

1:36:37 Drew And how are you forwarding the Vicodin?

1:36:40 Caller Day by day.

1:36:42 Adam All right.

1:36:42 Drew Well, that's, you could put that money into treatment.

1:36:44 Adam I'll tell you, waiters, waitresses, bartenders, great drug gig because you're, you know, here's the thing about being into drugs, like you need cash. You need 50 bucks a day cash. As a waiter, you know, you're swinging a hammer. You're getting a paycheck at the end of the week. You know, it's just no good.

1:37:03 Drew It's easy to hide that cash.

1:37:04 Adam You just get the cash. You just get it every day. It's in your hand. Just boom. And probably you're working with guys, everyone doing drugs. Or you could, right, have sex or get drugs. I got a job at a restaurant. Take a quick break. Be right back after this. Oh, yeah. We'll take a little extendo break, but we'll be back tomorrow night. Same bad time, same bad station. Until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahala. Come here, monkey nipples.

1:38:05 Caller Come here, sweetie. This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station.

1:38:20 Adam The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, January 24, 2005