Episode 1000675680100

6:11 Drew Let's see, that's a compensation for something. What is that? Are you loaded? Do you not sleep? Are you angry? That's a house, house. Look at this. Wait, first of all, look at...

6:20 Adam Yeah.

6:21 Drew Where is that?

6:22 Adam Yeah.

6:22 Drew We are wearing the same Jimmy Eat World sweatshirt.

6:24 Adam Yes, we are.

6:26 Drew That's bizarre.

6:26 Adam It's bizarre. But I've worn mine five out of the last six days, man. No, no, not really. Not here. Very good man. Very good man. Yeah.

6:35 Drew Good man, but who knew we even had these sweatshirts? I just grabbed some on my closet.

6:39 Adam Kismet, brother. Great minds.

6:42 Drew And so let me get the show started.

6:44 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Diction Babish Babylap. Yeah. So I had a big night. Well, what I did was last night went to the Super Bowl of Motocross out in Anaheim.

7:01 Drew Nice, nice.

7:02 Adam Yeah. Keeping it real. Yeah. Got some. You know, it's funny is first off, the white trash world is alive and well. Oh, sure. Living in Anaheim.

7:14 Drew Well, all through our county and riverside.

7:17 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah. People out in California, especially Southern California, we snub our noses at these Wyoming's and Dakota's and these Idaho's and these Iowa's and we think, okay, you white trash, we got a ton of white trash here.

7:30 Drew We sort of, we sort of are part of the market.

7:32 Adam We got to keep, yeah, we may have started the white, we may be the birthplace of the mullet and the lift kit on the pickup truck.

7:39 Drew Because the Iowa, Wyoming, Idaho, you mentioned, has a Western farmer, hardworking, middle America appeal. It's not necessarily white trash. Right. You start bringing in desert and that turns into a burned out, amphetamine addicted trailer park.

7:56 Adam We're going to the lake.

7:57 Drew Smoke. Yeah.

7:58 Adam We're going to the river.

7:59 Drew That converts Americana into...

8:02 Adam We're going to put a lift kit on my jet ski. But that goes more, shut up! I'm saying, shut up! You! Get out! Never saw so many trucks with lift kits on them. And just, mammoth size trucks, you know, you don't really realize how big some of these big, you know, F-350 club cabs with the, you know, it's got a six inch body lift and a nine inch suspension lift and 36 inch fun and mud tires and all that stuff.

8:33 Drew You're now at eight feet.

8:34 Adam You don't realize how big they are until one pulls up next to a Ford Explorer. It's like, well, there's a good size SUV. Uh-uh.

8:42 Drew Dwarfed. You realize when they have to throw a rope ladder out to get out of the car.

8:46 Adam Yeah.

8:46 Drew Okay.

8:47 Adam But the thing that's funny and it's a dude thing. I don't think it's a chick thing. It's a dude thing. We were making the long pilgrimage from Anaheim Stadium. It was all sold out to where we parked the car, you know, down the street 200 miles and across on the other side or whatever. And every guy that was pulling out of the parking lot after watching five hours of hard fought motocross action, pealing out, just guys and I don't care, golf carts, uh, uh, Ugo's, shopping carts, whatever had wheels on it, whatever guy was in, moped, just getting squirrely, laying rubber, everybody just getting crazy. And I thought, this is what guys do. This is what guys do. Like when a guy, it's like it's equivalent to a guy seeing a karate movie and coming out, throwing kicks into the air, equivalent to a bunch of chimpanzees and going, oh, oh, oh, oh, and then spinning out of there into the jungle. Just pumped up.

9:44 Drew That's what it is.

9:45 Adam Just laying rubber, every one of these guys. So, saw a good publicist friend, Cheryl, over there. Jeremy McGrath is back racing, by the way.

9:56 Drew Did you okay?

9:56 Adam Yeah, I think he got like fifth in the main. Did pretty good. I mean, he came out of retirement, but sold out. Got 50,000 people in that place. And then, of course, the time comes, my favorite part, when the little seven and eight-year-olds ride the KTM 50s. That's my moment to get angry at my father. I always just sit there and go, no way would I ever got that bike. No way! Just start getting, I've had a few beers of me by that time. And then I start breaking the stuff down. What about the boots? Would you have gotten the boots? No. What about the leathers? No. The jersey? No. How about your name on it? No. The helmet?

10:34 Drew Gasoline?

10:35 Adam No.

10:35 Drew Are you kidding?

10:36 Adam I'm just looking at these seven year olds, they're just driving around, they're putting around the track. And the thing that's crazy about them is they're up there, they're getting interviewed, kids actually throwing their goggles into the screaming crowd and not holding their hand. His seven year old showboating. Crazy.

10:53 Drew I'm not sure that's good.

10:54 Adam No, probably not. So that was all day, that was all night last night.

10:59 Drew And then Johnny Carson died today.

11:01 Adam I don't care about that.

11:02 Drew Really?

11:03 Adam I'm too tired.

11:03 Drew Did you have any rea... I had a reaction that was very strange. Did you react to his death at all?

11:07 Adam Uh, no. My vibe on him was two thoughts. First thought, never seemed like a likable guy as a human being.

11:18 Drew Yeah.

11:18 Adam It seemed like he did a good job. But for some reason never got the vibe off him like, hey, here's a great guy.

11:24 Drew Well, the silent and the four wives and the kid that killed himself.

11:29 Adam Oh, okay. Don't rub it in, Drew. I was just playing a hunch. You got information. No, I mean, it's one of these things where, here's the thing I like about Johnny Carson, who basically was...

11:41 Drew We all liked him, though...

11:42 Adam .started The Tonight Show for 25 or 30 years. The thing I liked about the guy is he stepped down and he retired. He just retired. He was 65, 66, or 64, whatever it was. And he did that thing that I've been begging Dick Clark to do. Now, God has done it for him, but you have more money than God. You got four years, eight years, six years, I don't know how many, three months. I don't know how much time you have left on the planet. Go ahead, sit down, put your feet in the ocean and watch the sunset.

12:13 Drew I had a strange reaction to it, which was...

12:15 Adam I'm talking to you, Drew.

12:16 Drew You want me to retire now?

12:17 Adam Get out. Out?

12:19 Drew I will, in a good time.

12:20 Adam I don't think... You're going to be one of those weird guys who can't do it. You're going to be one of those guys who can't do it. I'm just saying, if you have a ton of money, and you have ten years left on the planet, travel. Be with your family.

12:35 Drew Absolutely.

12:35 Adam Put your feet in the water, relax.

12:37 Drew I could see I would need to do something stimulating, meaningful, like donate my time.

12:43 Adam Write one of those books no one reads.

12:44 Drew Write a book or go around and travel and donate your time places. But I had a funny reaction to it, which I would not have predicted. I thought to myself, uh-oh, that's it. We're alone. They're gone. We're on our own. To me, that was the final handoff of that generation. He was so omnipresent, you know what I mean? Reagan's gone, Carson's gone. It's like, oh, okay, that's it. Final handoff. Boom. Well, now we got a war going on. We're on our own.

13:05 Adam We're talking about it today at my house with Jeff Ross, who does all the roasts, comedians. A couple of our comedians. And, you know, I was thinking about how TV used to be when Johnny Carson was on. If you did The Tonight Show the next morning, everybody in the world will see it. Yeah, your phones ring off the hook. You're going to the cleaners. The guy behind the counter is giving you a thumbs up. The guy at the market, the paper boy, the pool man. Everyone's like, hey, great. And they always tell these stories, these comedians, you know, like Roseanne Barr. She went and did a set on The Tonight Show in 1986. And Johnny signaled her to come over to sit at the sofa after a set. That was his sign of approval. You did a standup set and then he told you to come on by and sit down for the end of the show. Next day, everything blew up. Phoned, ringing off the hook. That's when we arrived. I did The Tonight Show two times, nothing. Zero. Didn't get one phone call. It's crazy how it used to be. Now, granted, I was probably bad and people felt bad. Yeah. Like, I could tell that the butcher recognized me, but he sort of looked down. It was a tough set. He didn't want to tear the scab off the wound. You know, if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all.

14:17 Drew This is the thing that has made it so good, television. The competition has also diluted out the, you know, overseas watch.

14:24 Adam You could go on the Tonight Show 20 years ago, be a guest on the show, and half the nation would see you.

14:32 Drew At least half.

14:33 Adam And, yeah, I don't know exactly what the numbers were. But, you know, everyone you knew saw him. Now, you could go on the Tonight Show. Me, nothing, nothing, nothing. I go on the Kimmel Show, they know me less. It actually takes away from popularity.

14:50 Drew Didn't want to say anything, but yeah, I think that's happening, yeah.

14:52 Adam Yeah, I'm on right now. Did you know that, Drew?

14:55 Drew Well, I noticed I heard a big sucking sound about it.

14:58 Adam All right. So, the legend passes away, but here's what I want to say about comedians in general. This is pretty much everyone. I would say Johnny Carson was probably this way. I didn't know the man. Well, I know he's a little this way. Certainly, Letterman, tortured, sort of a-holes most of the time. I don't know what it is about comics in general. A, unhappy, B, a-holes, and C, crazy, particular, like crazy, like you do Letterman, 500 guys scared out of their wits telling you what not to do. Everyone's scared to death he's gonna fire him. And I thought, I thought he was a, he's a comedian.

15:41 Drew Yeah, he's supposed to be funny.

15:42 Adam He was supposed to be funny? Look, I know Jerry Lewis wasn't doing a shtick and laughing and wearing a top. I know these guys aren't happy all the time, but they have to be a-holes?

15:52 Drew Yeah, interesting.

15:53 Adam There's so many comics, a-hole. It's like you got your choice between f'd up, a-hole, or f'd up, a-hole. And crazy demanding and angry and weird and a million and one rules. Nobody has more rules than a talk show host. Just make some jokes and have a good time, would you? Yeah, like Letterman, weirdo. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, go do Letterman. His entire staff is scared s-less of him. They're scared to death. Don't do this. It's all I heard was don't do this and don't do that. Which obviously means everyone's scared to death of him. And a guy I work with, Daniel, you know, Daniel, he wouldn't even go up and say hi to him. He was scared.

16:40 Drew Daniel wouldn't? He used to work with him, right?

16:42 Adam Yeah.

16:43 Drew That's on my video, Drew.

16:44 Adam Yeah.

16:45 Drew Yeah. Adam, you kind of scare people, too.

16:47 Adam Yeah. Well, that's good.

16:48 Drew You see? Well, maybe that's the way Letterman looks at it. He looks at his good.

16:52 Adam Oh, my God. First off.

16:54 Drew All right.

16:54 Adam Don't even.

16:55 Drew Hey, I got a quick thing. I'm looking again for Loveline listeners to come on my television show, which is going to be in Discovery Health Channel in the fall, in the spring. We're looking for people that have issues around anal sex, people who are afraid of germs and even fomites, like sex toys, that kind of thing.

17:13 Adam What? People don't know what fomites are.

17:16 Drew The things that carry germs, like a sex toy might. And people who have problems with kissing. Afraid of kissing, weird things about kissing.

17:22 Adam I don't mind kissing. I don't like seeing it in my movies.

17:25 Drew I know. It distracts you.

17:26 Adam You know, my stories.

17:27 Drew Your stories. Your collection of stories.

17:29 Adam I call porn my stories. I don't like when they're making out. And I certainly don't like the savage make out of the time stuff.

17:35 They're like biting each other's lips.

17:37 Adam I'm so sick. Okay. Could, please, you're, oh, could you just bust the nut on her forehead, please? You're sickening me. It's disgusting. Oh.

17:49 Drew Yeah.

17:50 Yeah.

17:50 Drew Yeah.

17:51 All right.

17:51 Drew There you go.

17:52 Adam All right. All right. Johnny Carson. He'll be missed.

17:55 Drew Yeah.

17:55 Yeah.

17:57 Drew Even though half our college don't know who he is. No, but my kids chimed in like, who?

18:01 Adam Now, listen, they weren't he. They were born after he left after Leno took over.

18:06 That's right.

18:07 All right.

18:07 Adam You ready to go?

18:08 Yeah.

18:11 Drew You want to ask him, Chris, Johnny Carson?

18:14 Of course, I know who he is. Yeah. Yeah.

18:16 Drew Who is he?

18:17 I watched it. The Tonight Show with my grandparents back in the day.

18:20 Adam Yeah.

18:20 OK.

18:21 Drew You were what? Three, five.

18:22 Adam All right. Now, here's the thing about Chris. Chris isn't that much younger than I am. He just seems that much younger.

18:31 Drew He's a good 10 years younger.

18:32 Adam He's 10 years younger, but seems more like 20 or 45 years. You know what I'm saying? No. OK. Nicole, that's my point. He doesn't know what I'm saying. Nicole, you're 21.

18:45 Caller I am. That's true.

18:47 Adam What's up?

18:49 Caller Well, I started masturbating when I was really young, like five, six years old. And granted, you know, I didn't know exactly what I was doing then. But I did it so much growing up. I was just wondering if that would have any effect on my inability now to have an orgasm during sex.

19:08 Drew No, very... Less than half of women ever have orgasm during sex. Are you able to...? What's that?

19:14 Caller That's the most disheartening statistic I've ever heard.

19:17 Drew What? Why? That's how people are wired.

19:19 Adam It's more like under 20%.

19:22 Drew Well, in Adam's, it's a careful fieldwork. But why don't you masturbate during sex to see if you can do it then? That way.

19:29 Caller Well, I do, and I've never... I've never had a vaginal orgasm. I can always have a cattural orgasm, you know?

19:37 Drew But that's all there is.

19:39 Adam You're breaking my heart.

19:39 Drew That's like a man going, I really need to have a...

19:41 Adam I have a urethral orgasm, but not a testicular orgasm.

19:45 Drew I need to have a scrotal orgasm, not a pineal orgasm.

19:48 Adam Well, I had one scrotal once when I was X-ing pretty hard, but it's normally all a penile orgasm, but never a scrotal. And then two anals. But that's...

20:02 Drew You say that and you got people who want to try that. Then people fantasize, oh, there must be a way to do that.

20:07 Adam An analgasm, I've had a scrotalgasm and a penilegasm.

20:12 Drew There you go. Now, Nicole, the fact you can have an orgasm with a male is a good thing. You can certainly teach him what to do since you know how to do it. And you can probably figure out something to do during intercourse. So there you go.

20:22 Caller Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

20:25 Adam Talk to Cody, who's a pro motocross rider. Cody?

20:31 Yeah.

20:32 Adam What's happening?

20:34 Guest Not a whole lot.

20:35 Adam What kind of motocross, quiet down. What kind of motocross riding? Cody?

20:40 Guest I'm in the National Arena Cross Circuit.

20:44 Adam What CC bike do you ride?

20:47 Guest I ride a CR250F and a 450.

20:52 Adam A 450. Is that a four stroke?

20:56 Yeah.

20:57 Adam Oh, okay. So you're a Honda man?

20:59 Guest Right. I ride for the Parson Limited Tough Racing Team.

21:04 Adam Yeah. And I don't know what's so, well, anyway, I told you I went to the Super Cross race last night. Had a good time. So you're girl, okay, your girlfriend.

21:16 Guest I'm going to be riding the 125E Super Cross Series.

21:19 Adam Well, we'll be looking out for you, Cody. Cool. Okay. So your girlfriend won't put out?

21:27 Guest Well, basically, I've been dating her for about a year and a half. And, you know, she's a super cool girl. I love hanging out with her and everything. We have a lot of fun together. But I mean, we've been dating for like a year and a half. And I've probably had sex with her about 15 times. She's just, she's really not into it a whole lot.

21:45 And it kind of frustrates me a little bit.

21:48 Adam She's 11.

21:49 Drew And how old is she?

21:52 She's 20.

21:53 Guest And I'm 18.

21:54 Adam 20.

21:54 Guest And I mean, with the arena for us and traveling around the United States all the time, I've grown throwing themselves at me all the time.

22:02 Guest It's just...

22:03 Guest Sure.

22:03 Drew Is it possible she's dating other guys than just you?

22:08 Guest I think maybe, but I'm not sure, you know?

22:11 Drew Maybe you guys ought to have a little discussion about what it is you're doing, what it is you'd like to do, sort of square things out a bit.

22:18 Adam A lot of smoke and chicks at the Supercross.

22:21 Drew Really?

22:22 Adam Hot.

22:23 Drew What? Hot. Hot. Would you predict that?

22:27 Adam No, but...

22:30 Drew Not higher?

22:31 Adam Well, you know what I think it is? Here's the phenom, I think. I think. It's like hockey has a lot of hot chick fans because they're little white guys.

22:41 Drew Oh.

22:42 Adam See what I'm saying?

22:44 Adam Well, let's face it. Some hot-looking 18-year-old blonde doesn't want to go out with the Mekimbe Matumbo. You know what I mean?

22:52 Drew I think they do.

22:53 Adam What's that? They do? They do? Some eight-foot-tall black guy from Uganda?

23:01 Drew Maybe not from Uganda, but...

23:02 Adam No, for instance, I'm telling you, would you just listen to me? Hockey has hot chicks in the crowd because hockey players are sort of normal-sized, well-proportioned white guys that the Orange County chicks like.

23:16 Drew Okay, they're sort of like the guys they were after in high school.

23:19 Adam Yeah, they're a little better versions of those guys. Motocross has the same thing. Other sports have your sort of freak of nature things going on, which freak the chicks out.

23:30 Drew I think what that creates is a group that's coming after them even more ferociously, but a smaller group.

23:36 Adam Yeah, well, listen, listen, but believe me, the NBA guys and the NFL guys, they get plenty of pun tang, but their chicks are a little bit different. These are hot Orange County chicks, and I don't know how it works. I don't know what their interest in motocross is. I don't know. I can't figure it out. I have my feeling this one hot chick got into it and the rest just followed her in, and I don't even know what they're doing there anymore, but there's tons of hot chicks. I don't know what it is. I don't know how it works.

24:03 Drew Not paid, not promotional.

24:04 Guest No, no.

24:06 Adam Kimmy?

24:08 Caller Yes.

24:09 Adam You're 18?

24:10 Caller Yes.

24:11 Adam You have that little girl voice. Yes? Yeah.

24:17 Drew What happened?

24:19 Caller Well, like I got pregnant, had an abortion, and now I can't get off.

24:26 Adam Sexual abuse in the past, perhaps?

24:29 Caller No.

24:31 Drew When you were growing up?

24:33 Caller Do what?

24:34 Drew How old were you when you lost your virginity?

24:36 Caller I was 16.

24:40 Drew And no trauma before that, huh?

24:42 Adam That's 16 months. 16 months, almost a year and a half.

24:45 Drew All right. And any medication? Did you take the Depo-Provera shot after the abortion?

24:50 Caller No.

24:51 Drew Are you on a new birth control pill?

24:53 Caller No.

24:55 Drew Why are you so shocked about the Depo shot? That's normally what is done.

25:01 Caller I don't know.

25:02 Drew You sure they didn't try to give you that or did give you that?

25:04 Caller I'm pretty sure they didn't.

25:07 Drew Are you freaked out about having sex now that you've since you've been pregnant?

25:11 Yeah.

25:13 Drew Well, that's enough to make you have trouble orgasming, right?

25:15 Caller Yeah, I guess.

25:17 Adam You have a boyfriend?

25:18 Caller Yes.

25:19 Adam Same guy?

25:21 Caller Yeah.

25:22 Drew Same guy that got you pregnant?

25:24 Caller Yes.

25:24 Drew Has he changed anyway because of the pregnancy?

25:28 Caller Has he changed?

25:30 Drew Sometimes guys get resentful that there was an abortion and they react.

25:34 Caller No, not really.

25:35 Drew How long ago was the abortion?

25:38 Caller How long has it been since?

25:39 Drew Yes.

25:40 Three months?

25:42 Drew Three months. How far into the pregnancy were you?

25:47 Caller About two and a half months, three.

25:50 Drew Have you been depressed since the abortion?

25:52 Caller No.

25:54 Drew All right. Well, you got to sort of calm down. It just sounds like you're freaked out about having sex or maybe not have sex for a while. Make sure it's certainly at birth. What are you using for birth control now?

26:02 Caller I'm not.

26:03 Drew Well, you should be freaked out about having sex then. I'm freaked out that you're having sex.

26:06 Adam Why aren't you using birth control now?

26:10 Caller I'm not sure.

26:13 Adam Well, we could talk to someone to figure that out. We can talk to your manager about it. What? You had an abortion three months ago, right?

26:23 Drew You think that's not going to happen again?

26:26 Caller Hopefully not.

26:28 Drew Well, if you don't.

26:28 Adam Wait, wait, wait. Hopefully.

26:30 Drew How can that not happen if you're not using birth control and you're having sex?

26:33 Caller Protection, I guess.

26:35 Drew What are you using?

26:36 Caller Condoms.

26:37 Drew Alright, that's birth control.

26:39 Adam Yeah, but maybe it's time to get on the pill and then just free yourself up.

26:45 Drew What the hell is that?

26:47 Adam No, I just mean-

26:47 Drew Free yourself up.

26:48 Adam She's- Look, first of all-

26:50 Drew Don't be so uptight, dude.

26:52 Adam Yeah, what are you uptight, baby? Gotta let loose. Let me tell you some of abortion. Abortion is like a bird. You let it fly away and if it returns, it was meant to be-

27:03 Drew Pregnancy is that way, you see.

27:04 Adam Pregnancy is like a bird, daddy.

27:06 Drew You abort it, let it be?

27:07 Adam You abort it, you let it be. You gotta let it go, and if it flies away, then it wasn't meant. I like it when people do that, that retarded, wasn't meant philosophy. Well, I guess it wasn't meant to be.

27:19 Drew No kidding.

27:20 Adam Yeah, everything that doesn't happen wasn't meant to be. It's like, well, the Hindenburg wasn't meant to land. It just wasn't meant to. All right, well, let's close the investigation. It must be nice.

27:33 Drew Yeah.

27:33 Adam It's great. Yeah, I love that. You know who has a lot of that? Good, good old religious folk got a lot of hats.

27:41 Drew God's plan.

27:42 Adam Yeah, 16 year old vegetable. Yeah, well, meant to be, I guess. God had a plan. I'm not sure what, making this guy operate an electronic wheelchair with a straw. I don't know what part of the plan that was, but I'm sure it'll surface one day. Or maybe he'll just get horrible sores and succumb to some sort of infection.

28:02 Drew Nice.

28:03 Adam Yeah. Let me say this.

28:05 Drew Which is what will happen.

28:06 Adam Yes. All right, Drew. Drew, did you see Million Dollar Baby yet?

28:10 Drew No. Good film? I mean, we're seeing. No, I didn't think so.

28:13 Adam I was angry at it.

28:14 Drew No, I was a boy. I was a man. Yeah, I was I was avoiding it because of your anger at it. Yeah.

28:20 Adam Yeah. All right.

28:21 Drew What about that up?

28:22 Adam I was thinking of sores and paralysis. I don't want to give away the strength.

28:27 Drew All right.

28:27 Adam Let's take a break.

28:28 Drew All right. Again, I'm looking for any crazy sexual hangups for television. People want to talk about stuff with having hangups with their partners, whether it's phobias or germ problems or kissing issues. I'm looking for talk to those people.

28:38 Adam All right. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

28:43 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

28:45 Guest Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

29:07 Adam Yeah, Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Chris, what are you wearing a Boston hat for?

29:17 Drew The Bruins.

29:18 Guest Actually, the Bruins, yeah, UCLA.

29:20 Adam Oh, that's UCLA Bruins?

29:21 Guest Yeah.

29:22 Adam Oh, all right, buddy.

29:24 Drew You thought it was the Boston Bruins?

29:26 Adam You know, it's weird because the letter is gold. The B's the same, but it's gold instead of maroon or red colored. And then the cap is sort of Navy, which the cap does not look UCLA.

29:37 Drew The cap looks Bostonian. Yeah. Looks like something you wear in the cold.

29:40 Adam All right. All right. So you're not pulling for the Pats, right?

29:44 Guest He's very excited.

29:45 Adam The Patriots, yeah.

29:46 Guest Oh, no. Well, I'm in a pool and I just picked out of a hat. So, yeah, I'm for the Patriots.

29:52 Guest You're in a pool?

29:53 Guest A neighborhood, like, pool, yeah.

29:55 Adam I thought he physically meant he was thrown into a pool.

29:58 Guest For the play-offs, yeah.

29:59 Adam For the play-off?

29:59 Guest Yeah. So I picked the Falcons and I picked the Patriots and Falcons obviously left today.

30:06 Adam Neighborhood pool?

30:07 Guest Yeah.

30:08 Drew Quaint.

30:08 Adam That's like some kind of Verizon commercial. Bus pulls up, the whole neighborhood gathers around.

30:13 Drew Did you pick anybody?

30:14 Adam What neighborhood? What goes on in your neighborhood that you guys talk to each other?

30:18 Guest We just watched football. Yeah. That's all.

30:20 Adam The neighborhood?

30:21 Guest Yeah.

30:23 Adam Really?

30:23 Guest Yeah.

30:24 Drew I enjoyed watching that. Hold on.

30:26 Adam I'd like to learn more about his clear ways.

30:28 Drew That New England game with every breath you're seeing, you know, when they're out there, 20 to go through.

30:33 Guest Yeah, it was pretty cool.

30:34 Adam The neighborhood.

30:35 Guest Yeah.

30:36 Adam Wow. So you and your neighbors get together and watch football?

30:38 Guest That's correct. What age group? Oh, they're like 22.

30:43 Drew People in their 20s?

30:44 Guest Yeah.

30:44 Drew All guys?

30:45 Guest Yeah.

30:45 Drew People you've grown up with?

30:46 Guest Yeah.

30:47 Drew How long have you been doing this?

30:50 Guest Couple years now, I guess, that we've had pools.

30:52 Drew They all live with their parents?

30:56 Guest They're all over 21, yes.

30:58 Adam They all live with the folks.

30:59 Guest Hey, it's hard to get out of the house, man.

31:02 Adam No kidding. Your mom's been trying to get you out for 10 years. It's hard. Butter you up, get a running start at the door.

31:09 Drew The hard is the property costs and stuff.

31:11 Adam Yeah. Getting out is easy. It's staying out.

31:13 Drew Surviving out, yeah.

31:14 Adam Yeah.

31:15 Drew Be crapping a cob corn tin.

31:17 Adam Yeah.

31:17 Drew Like Mr. Corolla did.

31:18 Adam Yeah. No, it's not that hard. Look, here's what you need. I'll tell you what your problem is. You don't have a bitchy step mom. I had the advantage. I had the distinct advantage.

31:29 Drew Here's more than bitching. You were miserable under your step family.

31:33 Adam Well, here's what I had and I thank them every day. I really thank my family every day for helping me along. I had a deadly combination, effective combination, I should say. And anyone who thinks I'm putting my family down, please, this is a compliment. I had a bitchy step mom and a puss for a dad. Just pure pussy.

31:54 Drew I can't imagine why anyone would consider that a step mom.

31:56 Adam Just a timeless puss of a dad. So he just basically sat there like Jim Backus' character in Rebel Without a Cause, just sitting there whimpering, while my step mom tossed me out of the garage.

32:10 Drew Tossed you into the garage, was preparing the soil, tilling the soil at that point.

32:14 Adam Yes, and then it was time to harvest her seed by tossing me out of the garage. But that's all right.

32:21 Drew So really what we've learned from this is make your kids miserable and give them a step down. Don't try to get them right out to the street, because that's too much of a shock. But put them outside, like a dog, like you're training a dog.

32:34 Adam See if you can do away with insulation on the walls for a year or so and get them out of there.

32:39 Drew Plumbing.

32:40 Adam Plumbing, yeah.

32:40 Drew Plumbing, inflation. And then they're ready to go after that.

32:42 Adam No, seriously.

32:43 Drew How much worse can it get?

32:44 Adam Seriously, if I had a mom that cooked for me, that liked me, that took care of me a little bit.

32:51 Drew You'd still be home.

32:52 Adam I'd be 780 pounds and I'd just be sitting at home eating it. And I would be ringing a bell, which meant I needed a new mutton chop. I mean, like turkey leg.

33:05 Drew Diaper change.

33:06 Adam I don't take a diaper change. No, seriously, if you lived at my house, you would have been out of the house 10 years ago.

33:12 Guest It's easy. I was living in the garage.

33:14 Adam Pussy dad and a bitchy step mom and pow, you're gone.

33:17 Drew No, is your brother out?

33:19 Guest No, my brother's still in.

33:21 Drew Your brother's a manager.

33:22 Adam Your mom's not.

33:22 Guest My brother's a manager, too, at Starbucks, yeah.

33:24 Adam Yeah, he's a manager. You gotta get up. How about I, you can't really get-

33:29 Guest I'm trying to convince my friends to get out, too.

33:30 Drew With together. Yeah, that's how you do it.

33:33 Guest I wouldn't mind.

33:33 Adam You can't get a bitchy step mom unless you're, ooh, can your mom go lesbian? I don't mean that in a disrespectful way.

33:39 Drew Was she lesbian?

33:40 Adam No.

33:40 Guest Oh, God, no.

33:42 Adam But no, here's the point. You need, then, an abusive, alcoholic step dad. Guy come in there, drunk, sexually abusive, hear him creak at the floorboards, creaking as he's coming up the hall. You crying, holding a comforter over your head. He's drunk. You can hear he's drunk here in the belt. Him fumbling for the belt. And then just a silhouette in the door. Boy, you know the thing. You do that, you're out of the house. You're immediately out of the house. You just get one of your buddies from the neighborhood. Here's what you do. You get a one bedroom. You get a one bedroom in a semi-crappy neighborhood. It's 500 bucks a month. It's 250 each. That's all.

34:22 Guest Maybe downtown or Hollywood, I guess.

34:24 Adam Yeah. You just get out. Cheap. You get a one bedroom. You put two guys in one bedroom.

34:28 Guest He's trying to get some friends to go to.

34:29 Adam All right. Or you get three guys in like a two-bedroom. You get more guys than you have bedrooms, and that's how you do it.

34:34 Drew Plus, they're all going to PCC, they can live in a hamper or something.

34:37 Adam Yeah. Stacey? Yeah. Hello? Yeah. And I didn't mean that to come across as disrespectful to my friends, I hope.

34:48 Drew The spineless puss comments? No. Why would people consider that to come down?

34:53 Adam Stacey?

34:54 Caller Yes.

34:55 Adam You're 19?

34:56 Caller Yes.

34:56 Adam What's up?

34:58 Caller I had a question about my birth control. I was on it, I've been on it for about two years, and for the past two years I've started it all up on a Friday night. And well, a couple months ago I ended up not being able to pick up my prescription for a while, so I ended up starting it on a Monday night. And I've been so used to starting it on a Friday night that this month when I picked it up, I started it a couple days earlier, I started it last Friday. And so I was wondering, should I just start it early and just continue with my pills or should I wait?

35:25 Drew What peck, what kind of pill is it?

35:28 Caller Just a birth control pill, I don't know, it's a tri-fasol?

35:31 Drew Yeah, just stay on it. That's fine.

35:33 Caller Just stay on it.

35:34 Drew Just stay with it, don't worry about it.

35:35 Caller Alright, thank you.

35:37 Adam Alright, good times. Speak to Candy. Candy?

35:43 Caller Yes?

35:43 Adam 26?

35:44 Drew Excuse me a second, Candy, where does Candy fit on the Cammie, Tammy, Brittany, Brandy scale?

35:51 Adam Candy's tough because it's short for Candice, I guess. Whereas Cammie...

35:58 Drew Is Cammie.

35:59 Adam Is Cammie. And Tammy, maybe Tamara? I don't know, that's kind of Tammy, too. Candy's fine. It can go either way. Usually bad direction, but I have no strong feelings on it. Go ahead, Candy. What do you look like?

36:14 Um, blonde.

36:20 Adam What else?

36:22 Um, I'm nice-looking. I know what you're probably thinking. Okay. Well, anyway, here's my question. I'm just curious, um, what are the chances of, like, getting AIDS, like, if you swallow during royal sex?

36:39 Drew Getting AIDS?

36:40 Yes. Like, contracting.

36:42 Drew Well, let's think about that. How would we come up with that number?

36:46 Adam What number?

36:47 Drew Well, she wants to know what's the percent? What's the chance? What's the number? What's the risk factor?

36:51 Adam Well, let me say this first about AIDS.

36:55 Drew Yeah.

36:55 Adam Equal opportunity killer, okay? AIDS doesn't care if you're black, if you're white, Jewish, rich or poor, okay? Are you listening?

37:07 Drew African.

37:08 Adam It doesn't care.

37:08 Drew American.

37:09 Adam AIDS doesn't care what kind of car you drive. It doesn't care who your daddy is. It doesn't care if you're one of the elite of society or a hobo on the street, you understand? It's an equal opportunity killer. And I'll tell you this, too, about AIDS. Redheaded kid never been with a partner, 16 years old, having a consensual, monogamous sex with his redheaded girlfriend in Missouri. Just as great a chance of contracting AIDS as a guy manning a glory hole.

37:50 Drew Shooting heroin.

37:51 Adam Shooting heroin in Haiti. Just as much. It doesn't, no, it doesn't, I don't care. Gay sex, straight sex, shooting up, any part of the world, does not matter. Just the same, Drew, do you know that?

38:06 Drew Same risk.

38:07 Adam Same risk.

38:08 Drew Every time you have sex.

38:09 Adam Every time, same risk, everybody, all the time, except for mostly only the gays get it. And a lot of the crappy countries around here. Other than that, exactly the same.

38:22 Drew So every time you or I, with our wives, have monogamous. I put, we're not, that's it.

38:27 Adam I don't have sex because of this, Drew. I just have sex with Drew's wife. Because Drew's a doctor.

38:34 Drew And I certify that she's a doctor.

38:36 Adam The point is, you gotta wear a condom every time. I don't care if your partner has never been with anyone and you've never been with anyone and no one does IV drugs and no one's traveled out of the country. I don't care. You wear a condom each and every time because it's exactly the same for everybody all the time. Except for mostly gay people get it. But it's the same.

39:00 Drew And IV drug users.

39:01 Adam And IV drug users. But it's the same. You understand? Equal opportunity.

39:08 Drew Yes.

39:09 Adam Yeah. Let's all just close our eyes, by the way, and think of all the thousands of straight friends we've lost over the years to AIDS. There was that kid who got that transfusion in Missouri. Did hear about him on TV. I wouldn't count him as a friend. I'd seen him on Oprah and felt like I got to know him a little bit, but still not what I would call a close friend.

39:37 Drew Kids that get it from their mothers.

39:39 Adam Yeah. Let's just think about all the dozens of straight people we know are now on the ground. Carson, I don't know what he...

39:46 Drew Probably AIDS.

39:47 Adam Probably. Well, the point is...

39:48 Drew Because everybody.

39:49 Adam Yeah. It's equal. It's equal. Just think about that, everybody. Think about all your straight buddies in the ground. All right? All right. All right. Look, I don't want to explain myself, but I just can't stand all the advertising. I can't stand having everyone pound home that everything's the same and everything's equal. Everyone's got an equal chance. And, you know, secondhand smoke is a first rate killer and everything's the same. No, it's not. Listen, gays, knock it off. That should have been the AIDS thing. And you junkies, knock it off.

40:22 Drew Right. That's there you go. It's risk.

40:24 Adam Now we're at Hey Africa, knock it off. It's what it is. We need to include everybody all the time and everything. It's stupid. Well, what what about sickle cell? What about that? Well, I should be worried. No, no, it's not going to affect me. What about having ovarian cancer for me, too, Drew? When we just include everyone and everything. Idiots. It's just, you know, especially when you're attacking a problem medically. You know, I mean, if it's just some problem where, you know, you want everyone to feel good about themselves, fine. Just say, you know, everyone can be president, everyone can be an astronaut, fine. You want to just blow that smoke up people's ass, that's fine. But when you're talking about something you're trying to control, why don't you focus on the people that are spreading it?

41:11 Drew Well, the problem is, it makes it, you need to change people's behavior in order to control it. If you overstate your case, they ain't going to listen to you. Their thinking is, we are going to make such a big deal out of this that people will be fearful and will control themselves and they will stop smoking cigarettes, supposed to going, that's just white noise, I'm never listening to any of that crap. The second hand, I was thinking about the second hand smoke thing. What do people that are smoking breathe? They have an oxygen tank?

41:36 Adam Yeah. It goes into a bag and then you crap it out once a week. So you don't get second hand smoke?

41:41 Drew You don't get second hand smoke?

41:41 Adam That's dangerous.

41:42 Drew What are they breathing?

41:44 Adam I don't know, Drew. All I'm saying is, thank God, after the, like I said, everyone knows a heterosexual person that was taken by AIDS. Candy?

41:56 Yes.

41:57 Drew All right. So you gotta ask yourself, what's the risk that you're gonna have sex with somebody or oral sex with somebody that has the virus?

42:04 Okay, no, I totally understand that. That's, that's why I'm gonna call you to do that.

42:08 Drew If you, if you have sex, if you have sex or oral sex with somebody with the virus, yes, then you can catch this disease rather readily. Not easily. You'd have to have sex several times with them. Do you have a partner that has HIV?

42:22 No, no, no. I was just curious, like, because I wasn't sure, like I know, you know, how you get it, but I wasn't sure, like by swallowing it, like with your stomach acid and all that.

42:33 Drew No, it goes through the esophagus. It penetrates the esophagus.

42:37 Okay.

42:37 Drew The mouth, it's not good in the mouth, unless the mouth has sores, it can, it's not, it killed in the stomach, but the esophagus can get it. And you're more likely to get other STDs. You can get gonorrhea and chlamydia and.

42:48 Adam They're all first rate killers.

42:50 Drew But they all can be, they can be equally contracted orally as genitally.

42:55 Adam All right. Let's take a breakthrough.

42:57 Drew There we go.

42:57 Adam Well, when we come back, why does she lose interest in guys when they like each other?

43:03 Drew When she likes guys. She's like, yeah, yeah.

43:04 Adam Our math?

43:05 Drew Our.

43:07 Adam That's that's scintillating to the crowd at home.

43:09 Guest Oh, she's been on hold for an hour. I don't want to miss this.

43:12 Adam Bisexual girlfriend suggested a threesome. On hold for two minutes and 40 seconds. Yeah. It's a horrible society we're living in. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

43:24 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline.

43:25 Caller Your call will be answered in the order.

43:27 Caller It seems interesting.

43:44 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LE-VE-191. All right, buddy.

43:51 Drew You ready to rock?

43:53 Adam Speak to Chad. Chad's 22. Chad?

43:59 Guest Hello?

44:00 Adam Hello, Chad.

44:01 Hey, hey, I'm on my cell phone, so I can't hear you too well.

44:06 Adam All right, Chad.

44:09 Drew Chad the bogus caller?

44:10 Adam Yeah. Okay, maybe we should just, you know, this is like a first date where you answered the door and I wasn't into you and you sized me up and you weren't attracted to me. Why go to dinner? Why have the uncomfortable forced conversation? Maybe we should just stop. Just say our goodbyes right now.

44:33 Drew I think so.

44:34 Adam Okay.

44:35 Drew I think so. A, his name is Chad, which was weak. Sounds made up.

44:41 Adam But even if it's not, the bogosity factor on the Chad calls is through the roof. He's got a bisexual girlfriend and wants a threesome. He wants to know what to do. I was like that one. Yeah. From a guy from Santa Cruz named Chad who's 22, wants to know if he should go forward with this.

44:57 Drew And the girl's already bisexual?

44:59 Adam Yeah. All right, everybody. You ready to keep rocking? Plus, he had a bad phone.

45:03 Drew Yes. So take the call I asked you to take.

45:05 Adam That would be nice. That would really turn a chick on.

45:08 Drew What's that?

45:09 Adam If you have, Chris, if you have a blind date.

45:12 Drew Yeah. Look at his hat.

45:14 Adam Maybe I'll set you up. Oh, now I got the UCLA hat on.

45:17 Drew You flipped it around.

45:18 Adam All right, here's what I need you to do. Next blind date. If the chick is too hot and she like answers the door and she's just smoking hot, you realize I'm over my head. I'm out of my league.

45:29 Drew The number's not matching.

45:31 Adam Yeah, she's too hot. This is not going to work out for me. You go for a crazy, it's like crazy Hail Mary type move where you go, you know, I can see you're an attractive woman. Uh, not my type, not my type. I won't be honest with you because I don't want to waste your time. And I'm not saying you're unattractive. I'm just saying, I wonder if I could be attracted to you. And I just want to maybe save ourselves some time right here conversation right now. Yeah, yeah. I could save some money. And she'd be like, and save some money. And she'd be like, yeah. And she'd be like, what's wrong with me? And you'd be like, hard to put my finger on. Just not my type, you know? And she's like, all other guys are into me. And you'd be like, yeah, I don't know. And she'd be like, well, why don't we just go out and we'll talk and you'd be like, well, I don't know, I don't know. And she'd be like, okay, let me give you a BJ right now.

46:36 Drew We'll see how it works.

46:37 Adam We'll see how it works. And you'd be like, well, you could start sucking, but I don't know. That's how you got to play it.

46:46 Drew All right.

46:47 Adam Then you just stand there at the door. You got your TGIF gift certificate. You're just looking at while she's at performing aural while her elderly mother's in the kitchen.

46:57 Drew Crying.

46:57 Adam Crying. Powerless to do anything because she's confined to a wheelchair.

47:02 Drew This girl's got a mission now.

47:03 Adam She's got a mission. Wow. That would probably work on a hot chick.

47:07 Drew Okay. All right.

47:08 Adam We'll try that next time. Okay.

47:10 Drew They're not getting rid of Chad, by the way. You notice that?

47:12 Adam Oh, really?

47:13 Caller What should we study?

47:14 Adam Michelle?

47:16 Caller Hi.

47:16 Drew I want to hear a conversation.

47:17 Adam Well, too late. I shouted her name out. What's up, baby doll?

47:21 Caller Um, I was just wondering because whenever I like a guy and I find out that he likes me back, I, like, lose interest for some reason.

47:32 Drew Yeah. That's sort of the...

47:34 Adam Yeah...

47:34 Drew .to some men and women are very much into the forbidden fruit, the thing that... It's the old Woody Allen saying that... Yeah, Chris, you think he's into that, too? Oh, just like the... just like the Hail Mary...

47:47 Adam Yeah...

47:48 Drew .sort of move that Adam's suggesting for Chris here. But it's like Woody Allen says, that he would never be a member of a club. This is actually from Groucho Marx who originally said, it would never be a member of a club that would have him as a member.

47:59 Adam Yeah.

48:00 Drew And that's kind of what that is, Michelle. And at 16 to 20, I actually think it's a good thing when you feel that way because it kind of protects you from getting too involved in relationships. If you're still doing that at 19...

48:10 Adam Yeah, but then they find some guy that's not interested and they go and kill themselves over.

48:15 Drew Just be not interested in everybody. That's fine.

48:17 Adam Yeah, that's why in my strategy, the young Chris was very important.

48:21 Drew Yes, yes. You hear that, Michelle?

48:23 Caller Well, is there any way that I can avoid it? Like, should I just like, if I'm starting a relationship with someone that I lose interest in, should I like just stay in it?

48:33 Adam Well, look, first off, you're 16, so who the hell, who knows and who cares?

48:38 Drew Well, is there a reason that you would have difficulty with intimacy? Did you lose somebody growing up or? No. Is it difficult for you to be intimate with someone? It's painful?

48:49 Caller No.

48:51 Adam Then you just have that chick thing. Well, see, maybe you've not met any guy that's flipped your flapjack. What the hell that is. You know what I mean?

49:01 Caller Well, because when I like start talking to them, I do feel like that and I get really like, I really like them, but just right when I find out they like me, I like stop.

49:11 Drew Well, usually that means you're fearful of intimacy.

49:14 Adam Well, stop it.

49:15 Caller Yeah.

49:16 Drew Well, I would, it sounds like you're not ready for relationships, but it is reasonable for you to try to hang into relationships a little while if it's a guy that seems reasonable and nice. If it's a guy that really you're chasing all the time, that is not going to be a good relationship. So be careful of this. Know this about yourself, that you have to be in the chase all the time, but don't select, don't develop relationships where you're constantly in the chase. Carrie Bradshaw on Sex & The City, that's her thing. And she's never going to get married, never going to have a long-term relationship.

49:48 Adam What about big?

49:49 Drew That's never going to happen.

49:52 Adam Realize those are fictitious characters, Drew.

49:54 Drew They were well portrayed in terms of how, unfortunately the problem is they weren't discussed as sick women, which they were. But they were well characterized in the show.

50:03 Adam I know I liked Sex & The City and took my lumps over at the Kimmel office for expressing it, but what the hell?

50:10 Drew That was a good show. What drove me crazy though, that somebody like that Samantha character was like, oh, a liberated woman enjoying her sexuality. No, a sex addicted, trauma surviving, miserable, wretched creature.

50:22 Adam Yeah, well of course.

50:23 Drew Who could never have a relationship.

50:25 Adam Well, but isn't it that way with everyone and everything? I mean, aren't all those war heroes just alcoholics? Aren't all these captains of industry just sort of maniacal, sort of sociopaths, you know? I mean, when you just break in, we just learned Johnny Carson had four wives.

50:44 Drew I think that is, therein lies the nature of myth, I think.

50:48 Adam Yeah.

50:48 Drew That we like to explain things in ways that are digestible to us.

50:52 Adam Well, and also, the people that have the drive to, you know, have the biggest talk show in the world for 25 years, aren't guys that, A, are particularly kind to their gardener and third wife, and B, you know, the thrill-seeking people of the world, oftentimes like a little booze and like to beat on their old lady a little bit. I mean, I'm not saying that's cars, but what I'm saying is, is these people we hold up.

51:20 Drew Oftentimes.

51:21 Adam Oftentimes. That's what gets them there. There it is. That's why I'm where I'm at, Drew.

51:26 Drew But you know what, why don't we make, there are those that are- Yes, that's why you're there. But there are those guys out there that are good people, are nice, why don't we hold them out as different than the rest? It's not fair to the ones that actually are decent humans.

51:37 Adam Well, that's what I'm trying to do. We'll take a quick break, be right back after this.

51:43 All right, guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

51:48 Drew One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline.

51:51 Caller 877-889-DATE.

51:53 Drew Call the Dateline.

51:55 1-800-CALL-UP-LINE.

51:56 Caller LOVE-191.

52:20 Adam Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

52:24 Drew Adam the Angry.

52:26 Adam Wouldn't you be, Drew?

52:27 Drew No.

52:28 Adam No?

52:30 Drew Nah, my self-esteem's too low.

52:32 Adam Okay. Twice a week, I gotta read some copy, and the copy is written so poorly that it completely needs to be rewritten, but it's grammatically F'd up most of the time.

52:42 Drew Well, I mean, just the grammar would be bad enough. It doesn't make sense. It's horrible, just prosaically, it's awful.

52:51 Adam Here's what I'm supposed to read, everyone, and I'll record it and fix it up and do it, but here's what it is. You won't even know what the product is, but here's the beginning page, and it's a fat paragraph. It's half a page of dialogue. You know, Drew, this show is about love, and it is my only hope in life that our audience has some love in their life.

53:16 Drew That's the opening volley. That's the opening that's going to smash through.

53:21 Adam Yeah, and it is my only hope in life. It's almost difficult to say it. It's like running through tires to put on the ground. You know, Drew, this show is about love, and it is my only hope in life that our audience has some love in their life. And by love, I mean sex, which sometimes means adult DVDs. Yeah, that is so strong.

53:44 Guest What's that first line that says the show is all about love?

53:47 Drew Yeah, me and Loveline, I think.

53:49 Guest It should be switched to all about Adam, I think. First of all.

53:51 Adam Remember I was talking to you during the hall?

53:53 Guest Yeah, you were.

53:53 Adam Remember I said, everyone calls me an a-hole, but if this was TV, Anderson would have got fired 100 years ago. Remember that? Didn't I just get done saying that?

54:01 Guest I was just making a little joke, man.

54:02 Adam Come on. I know, I know. But I'm saying, Johnny Carson, he wouldn't have gone for that. You wouldn't have thought it was funny.

54:08 Guest Letterman wouldn't have gone for it.

54:10 Adam Oh, man. That's my new hypothetical. How fast would Letterman have fired Anderson? Would he have made it into the building before he was fired? I could see him going through a revolving door and just spinning back out and being shot out just by some sort of dismissal force that Letterman put around the building. All right, buddy.

54:29 Drew All right. I got to plug something real quick. I'm looking for people for my television program with crazy hangups about their sex, whether it's phobias or difficulty kissing. Also, we're looking for a couple who has sort of gotten dull in bed, who are interested in sort of finding a way to spice things up a little bit and what their problem has been, why they've run out of steam.

54:47 Adam All right. You're ready to rock?

54:48 Drew I am indeed.

54:49 Adam Funny I was just talking about Anderson, huh?

54:51 Drew It was well done.

54:52 Guest Thank you.

54:53 Adam Justin?

54:54 Guest Yeah.

54:55 Adam 24?

54:56 Guest Yep, 24 years old.

54:57 Adam What's up?

54:59 Drew By the way, I wouldn't have agreed to you with you that a hundred times, but tonight?

55:02 Adam Yeah.

55:03 Drew Tonight it would have happened.

55:04 Adam That's right.

55:04 Guest What's that?

55:05 Drew Sorry, Justin. What's up?

55:06 Guest No, I was just wondering.

55:07 Drew I'm just joking, too, Anderson.

55:09 Guest Me and my wife have been married since 99. A few years after, we started having a few three-ways with other women.

55:17 Adam Healthy.

55:18 Drew Yeah, well, it was.

55:20 Guest It was.

55:21 Drew It was, huh?

55:22 Guest Yeah.

55:22 Drew So you got married at 18. Married at 18.

55:24 Guest Yeah, 18.

55:24 Drew How old was she?

55:26 Guest 17.

55:27 Drew Oof. Why the three-ways?

55:31 Guest Well, I guess she says nothing's ever enough for me. So. I kind of talked her into it. You know, I started off slow with, you know, talking about other women and then, you know, trying to move her into the Pornos and, you know, then got her like another girl.

55:46 Drew Managers are diabolical, aren't they? Yeah. I'm sure you had a little war room set up, too.

55:51 Adam And by the way, she says, you know, you're humping strange women and she's acting like you're having a third helping of stew. Oh, boy, I'll tell you, he eats like a lumberjack this one. Nothing's ever enough for this boy.

56:04 Really?

56:06 Guest You're on top of women. Well, the third one we had, well, third one we had, she, I guess I was taking too much time on the other girl and she got up and it was just horrible. She started yelling and going off and flipping out. You know what I mean?

56:19 Adam No, I know. They can be tough that way.

56:20 Drew That never happens in threesomes, never.

56:23 Adam That's why you have to incorporate a fourth woman. Take care of her.

56:27 Guest Yeah.

56:28 Adam All right.

56:28 Guest I was just kind of wondering if, I mean, it's like, I don't know. I mean, I love my wife, but it's like, she just can't, I guess, sexually satisfy me.

56:36 Adam No, no, she's not. You're a lot of man.

56:39 Guest Well, yeah. I mean, but it's like, it's always, the thing is, it's always available to me. We have a good sex life, but I just can't, can't stop from going out and trying to get other partners.

56:49 Drew Yeah, you shouldn't be married. You should not be married.

56:51 Adam Thank God you got married at 17 and 18.

56:53 Drew Yeah, do you have kids?

56:55 Guest No, we don't have any kids.

56:56 Drew Oh, God bless you. God bless you. God bless you.

56:58 Adam Now, now what's happened? She's got some kind of scarring on her tubes or something. Why haven't you two idiots cranked out 14 kids by now?

57:06 Guest I don't know. I smoked marijuana. Maybe I could have something to do with it.

57:09 Drew She must have screwed up tubes.

57:10 Adam She has something wrong with her. You don't use birth control, do you?

57:13 Guest Yeah, she uses birth control all the time.

57:15 Drew Oh, God bless her.

57:16 Adam Is she on the pill?

57:17 Guest Yeah, she's on the pill. She was on a shot for a while.

57:20 Drew Good times.

57:20 Adam Who, who decides she should be on the shot, the state or her?

57:24 Caller Her.

57:25 Adam Really?

57:25 Guest She was on a shot, she was on a shot when she was like 14.

57:30 Adam Nice. Yeah. I'm picturing it as more of like a catch and release program, you know, where they just go gobble up. Chicks are missing front teeth and tag them with this thing.

57:42 Drew Idaho is a very progressive state.

57:44 Adam Let them go.

57:44 Drew They get away with a lot up there.

57:46 Adam Listen, when I'm in charge, look out. Something's up.

57:51 Drew With him?

57:52 Adam Well, no, of course, something's up with him.

57:53 Drew But with her, too, of course. Well, look, she hooked up with him.

57:57 Adam Yeah. Was she a survivor of abuse?

58:02 Guest Yeah, she was molested by her father in charge. All right.

58:05 Well, now, shocking!

58:09 Adam I'm on the floor.

58:09 Drew I'm getting you up.

58:10 Adam Thank God the mic came down with me. Help me up. Help me up.

58:13 Drew It's just shocking.

58:14 Guest I'm trying to see.

58:16 Adam Oh, amazing. Well, the abuse continues now.

58:18 Guest Yes, exactly.

58:19 Adam Fantastic.

58:19 Guest No, that's not true.

58:21 Drew No, that is true, Justin. Because I understand you don't intend to be abusive, but-

58:25 Adam Oh, what a saint. How dare you? Justin is a saint.

58:27 Drew But here's the deal.

58:29 Adam It's like the abuse baton was handed from stepfather to Justin. And he carried it like the Olympic torch.

58:36 Drew In Justin's defense, women that have been sexually abused like that oftentimes are attracted back to those abusive situations. They don't understand that's what is attracting them. That it's actually a reenactment of the trauma. When the trauma is reenacted, in reality, when it finally gets through, they freak out. So you've just been re-traumatized.

58:53 Adam That's fantastic. And it's great.

58:55 Drew And you go to 24-year-old Scrooge. How does he know that?

58:57 Adam He doesn't know anything. And she, who was just basically destroyed by her stepfather, now just falls under the heading of horny.

59:07 Drew Right.

59:07 Adam She's now horny.

59:08 Drew Yeah, she's just in a sex. What's the big deal?

59:10 Adam It was a nine-year-old girl who was just as terrified and horrified by her horrible stepfather, really should be like in deep, deep therapy. But now, hey, she's horny. Yeah. Yeah. She likes it all the time.

59:24 Drew That's the way our society looks on it.

59:25 Adam Yeah. Why can't she just be horny? You threatened by that?

59:28 Drew How dare you, Adam? How dare you?

59:30 Adam Yeah. Justin?

59:31 Yeah. All right.

59:32 Adam So here's what I need you guys to do. I need you not to have kids. Please, dear God, don't have kids. Can you do that for a while?

59:43 Guest Well, I'm not going to. I don't plan on having kids anytime soon.

59:46 Drew That's good.

59:46 Adam I know you don't, but is she staying on her shot or pill or any?

59:50 Guest Yeah, she's staying on the pill. Well, I just wonder, why would you think we should not have kids, I mean?

59:55 Drew Well, she's a trauma survivor.

59:56 Adam She's a trauma survivor.

59:57 Drew She's reenacting the traumas. You're participating in this. It's going to make for real chaos. I know you love your wife, but...

1:00:04 Guest What do you mean? She's going to be a drama queen down the road or...

1:00:06 Drew No, not down the road. You're already well into it. And again, she's not going to be able to really be steadily available for a child.

1:00:14 Adam She's going to screw those kids up and you're going to help.

1:00:17 Drew The trauma gets passed on intergenerationally, Justin, and you've got to get a lot of help to make sure that doesn't happen. And you guys are not going down the path of health with the free, some sort of stuff. And really, your thing is you shouldn't have been married. You want to have sex with lots of different girls. That's 24-year-old impulse, fine. But now you're married. Thank God you don't have a kid. You gotta really think about whether you want to stay married.

1:00:39 Adam Yeah, does she have any brothers or sisters?

1:00:41 Guest Yeah, she's got two brothers.

1:00:44 Adam How are they doing?

1:00:45 Guest They're doing, one of them, like they're doing good. They all have different fathers.

1:00:50 Adam Oh, good times. Yeah. Listen, and what do you do? Something around metal? Me?

1:00:57 Guest No, I'm in college.

1:00:59 Adam Yeah.

1:01:00 Guest I go to college.

1:01:01 Drew Boise State?

1:01:02 Guest Yeah, I'm going to Boise State.

1:01:04 Adam What are you studying?

1:01:06 Guest Management right now.

1:01:07 Drew Management? Restaurant management?

1:01:10 Guest Huh? They have like entrepreneur management. I was thinking about switching in to criminal justice. So, you know.

1:01:18 Adam No, no, you got a great cop man. You'd be a perfect cop.

1:01:22 Drew Yeah.

1:01:23 Guest Well, yeah, because they say the best criminals make the best cops, so.

1:01:26 Adam Absolutely. Yeah. And I'll tell you what else makes good cops, thrill seekers, alcoholics.

1:01:32 Drew But Justin, Justin, I think, means well. Do you know what I mean? He just doesn't get it.

1:01:36 Adam He's not a horrible guy. He's 20 or he was, you know, he got married when he was 18. He had a raging boner. He had a wife that was an abuse victim, so she's sort of pliable.

1:01:46 Drew And was into sex and.

1:01:47 Adam Yeah, yeah, let's go get this checked. No, that's the whole point. You can't break this stuff down. You can't make any sense of it until you're in your 30s, really, and that's why you shouldn't have any kids. Look, if she should get some therapy for abuse, you should stay in school and you guys become more monogamous if you can and start, you know, start your family in six years. All right. There you go. You ready to go here, Drew?

1:02:13 Yeah.

1:02:15 Adam Shauna. 23.

1:02:19 Caller Hello, yes.

1:02:21 Adam Shauna. Yes.

1:02:22 Caller What's up? I've been an obese my whole entire life and my problem is major. I love food. I don't have a problem with exercising, but I love food and I was wondering if they're ever going to come out with anything that'll do something to like the taste buds or something.

1:02:41 Caller So maybe.

1:02:43 Drew Really, you're not buying the right videos. And following the right special diets. And getting the right exercise program because everyone knows if you take Jane Fonda's videos or Suzanne Summer's videos.

1:02:55 Adam No.

1:02:55 Drew Or follow a macrobiotic diet.

1:02:57 Adam Listen, Heidi Klum just came out with a book.

1:03:00 Drew Well, if you want to look like Heidi Klum, you just do what she tells you to do.

1:03:02 Adam You got to read that book. Yeah. Yeah.

1:03:05 Caller It just works, right?

1:03:07 Drew Yeah, of course, of course.

1:03:08 Adam Yeah, she's got first-time wings.

1:03:10 Drew Or you can follow Dr. Phil's mentality and just choose not to eat. If you would choose that way, things would be worked out for you.

1:03:17 Adam But let me tell you something, too. I've learned from all the supermodels, Shana, if you feel sexy, then you are sexy. All 526 pounds of you. And stretch marks, pock marks, double chins. Men will be magically attracted to all 500 pounds of you as long as you feel sexy. It's what's inside. It's what a woman feels like. I love it. Yeah. Yeah, right, Hottie. Here's what I got to say to all the supermodels. Shut up and take your pants off, bitch. Get down in your underpants and shut up. Please shut your pie hole. Take your heroin, get in your underpants and start making and being. Shake that ass. Let me take a picture of you and beat off.

1:04:00 Caller Now shut up.

1:04:02 Adam Jesus Christ.

1:04:04 Guest You gotta feel beautiful.

1:04:06 Adam It's what a woman, I'll tell you what's sexy is when a woman feels sexy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is coming from all six foot three, your blonde ass, please. Just spare us all your retarded model platitudes. Just shut up.

1:04:22 Drew But Shauna, here's the deal.

1:04:22 Adam Writing books.

1:04:24 Drew There is a future for you. There are two hormones, one called leptin and the other called.

1:04:28 Adam What about feeling sexy, Drew? It's not going to be good. How much do you weigh, Shauna?

1:04:34 Caller I weigh 270.

1:04:36 Adam 270. But if you felt sexy, guys would see 120 pounds. Hotty, smoking, six foot hot, blonde chick. You understand?

1:04:46 Caller Naked, right?

1:04:47 Adam And by the way, hold on a second. As a guy, we want hot chicks that feel ugly so we can pounce. Self-esteem is low enough to maybe get a handy on the first date. You know what I mean? Here's what I don't want. I don't want chunky chick that feels sexy. I want hot chick with low self-esteem.

1:05:06 Drew You know what?

1:05:08 Adam I want hot chick that...

1:05:09 Drew But not just you. I think you're right. That's guys. That is men.

1:05:13 Adam Hot chick whose mom convinced them they're ugly and fat.

1:05:17 Drew Yeah.

1:05:17 Adam Yeah. And I just swoop in. That's what we want.

1:05:21 Drew That's guys. That is absolutely what guys do.

1:05:23 Adam Right.

1:05:24 Drew We... So women convince themselves because they're attracted to guys with confidence no matter what they look like.

1:05:29 Adam Right.

1:05:30 Drew That therefore men are attracted to women with confidence and feel good about themselves too. That is not true.

1:05:34 Adam We want a...

1:05:35 Drew That's not true.

1:05:36 Adam We want a Ferrari that's convinced it's a K-car, not a Pacer that thinks it's a Maserati.

1:05:45 Drew Give them the...

1:05:46 Adam Yes, Drew.

1:05:46 Drew Yes, you're right. I'm sorry. But now that I've given them the thing...

1:05:49 Adam It's been almost 10 minutes since I've worked the car analogy into the show.

1:05:52 Drew I appreciate that. But give them the lion waiting in the brush analogy too.

1:05:55 Adam Oh, we want to injured. Yes.

1:05:57 Drew Well, the guy, the women, the injured guy, they have a meeting, no good. Stay away. She doesn't want them, we don't want them. Forget it.

1:06:05 Adam No, we want injured prey.

1:06:07 Drew And we pounce.

1:06:08 Adam Yeah. We're almost buzzards. Sexual buzzards.

1:06:12 Drew It's a little closer to sort of cats of prey than buzzards. Because we don't want them dead. Although some, yeah, you're right.

1:06:18 Guest Chris. No. Don't bring me into this.

1:06:24 Adam We're talking about cats or cars. You know what I'd love to do? I'd love to, I'd love to, if someone should just interview Chris after every show and ask him what it was about, he'd be like, Adam talked about cars and Drew talked about cats. I think they're big cats. I don't think they're like tabbies. Every day. Every day.

1:06:43 Drew Yes. Alright, Shana, here's the future for you. There is a hormone called ghrelin and a hormone called leptin that are responsible, or at least partly responsible, for appetite and how we feel hungry and when we feel hungry and what we feel like when we eat. And there will be blockers for those hormones in the next five to ten years. In the meantime, you have to feel sexy for these things to work.

1:07:04 Caller But you don't have a herniatech in there.

1:07:06 Drew Well, no, you won't. You're still in your twenties. But there is also the, that's why the gastric bypass procedures are so popular right now, is because you can't really adjust that biology any other way. And so they do it by changing the mechanics of how the food gets through your stomach. So there you go.

1:07:24 Adam Now the other thing I've learned from supermodels is none of them wanted to be a model.

1:07:29 Drew No, they were all convinced to do a contest by their screw-off friends, who all wanted to be models.

1:07:35 Adam Yeah, there must be just some sort of horrible model publicist that just feeds them that crap. Let's see, how did you... Hey, Tyra, how did you get into modeling? Well, I took a good long look in the mirror when I was 15. Saw I was about six foot of just hot jugs and beautiful pouty lips and thought I could turn it into a bot. No. Let's see. Friend of yours wanted to be a model, dragged you along.

1:08:05 Drew No, no.

1:08:06 Adam Better, better. Signed you up for a modeling competition. Unbeknownst to you.

1:08:13 Drew And by the way, she needed a ride.

1:08:15 Adam Yeah. And dragged. No, no, they don't really explain that part. Just somebody signed you up. Like if someone cast me in a gay porn film, I would have had to go, where are you going? Out to Chatsworth. What happened? Stupid. Jimmy cast me in another gay flick. I think this is a snuff film. I gotta go. I just hope I don't get AIDS or shot this time. Yeah, that's what we do.

1:08:40 Drew So you just, you don't want to model. The story is so sensational, no one asks the question, if you don't want to model, why did you go? Who cares if your friend signed you up?

1:08:48 Adam And then the other part too is how you were pre-med.

1:08:53 Drew Oh, all of them.

1:08:54 Adam You dropped out of the 9th grade to go to France to basically blow Arab guys into nose candy for five years. You're pre-med in the 9th grade? How's that work?

1:09:05 Drew I remember that one, was it Robin Givens? Went to medical school? She's in medical school?

1:09:09 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:09:09 Drew No, not even close.

1:09:10 Adam Yeah, it's called the UCLA Extension. It's a bungalow on wheels. It's not even on campus, please, everybody.

1:09:18 Drew When I had will to live, I was so insulted by that stuff.

1:09:23 Guest Shana?

1:09:24 Caller Yeah.

1:09:25 Adam Drew, more bitter than I am. Stupid models. Long legs.

1:09:30 Caller Adam, you're awesome.

1:09:32 Adam Yeah. Yeah, listen. I am the fat person's best friend. I really am.

1:09:38 Caller Not exactly.

1:09:40 Drew No, because he appreciates the ostracism and the discrimination for people who are overweight, being much more than just about any other group.

1:09:49 Adam No, look.

1:09:50 Caller One thing I do have to say is I've never been single since I was 16. No.

1:09:54 Drew Oh, that's nice.

1:09:55 Adam Nice black boyfriend or?

1:09:57 Caller No.

1:09:58 Adam White guys, huh? I'll tell you one thing. I'll tell you one thing that's happened, I think, I've noticed, is I believe that human beings have, each and every one of us has a certain amount of vitriol in our heart toward people that are different. That's just the way it goes. But we're wired? It just kind of wired that way. You're one nationality and you're watching two guys box. You just, you pull for your nationality, your color, your religion, whatever it is. If he's from your hometown, you're just sort of wired that way. And I think there's a certain amount of racism in everybody. I don't even really mean that in a bad way necessarily. It's just, that's the way sort of humans are. And a lot of that got, we had to shut up about a lot of it. No more Pollock jokes. No more black jokes. No more Mexican jokes. No more Italian jokes. No more any jokes of anything.

1:10:53 Drew Just like other crappy impulses we have, it's good to contain them.

1:10:55 Adam I agree. What ended up happening is all that got steered into fat people. That's my belief. Over the last few years, everything has become politically incorrect. Fatty, still open season on Fatty. No way.

1:11:09 Drew And by the way, I think it's open season on the sort of mentally ill. I mean, that all reality TV is, for the most part, is making fun of people that are sick.

1:11:16 Adam Well, they don't classify them as sick. They don't get into trouble. But I'm just saying, it's not a good time. Listen, was it good time to be fat like in the 20s, or even in the Roman era and stuff? It's like people first off hated other nationalities more than they hated fat people.

1:11:33 Drew Well, fat at one time was considered opulent.

1:11:34 Adam And then it was just considered robust. Yeah. Look at that rich girl.

1:11:37 Drew Right.

1:11:37 Adam They'll just thought you're rich.

1:11:39 Drew Look at her.

1:11:39 Adam Yeah. Now it's bad times. Now you're getting all the energy everyone has for everyone else. And they're dumping it right into your fat ass. Horrible. Also, there's not that much you can do about it when you've been fat your whole life. You're just one of those people.

1:11:52 Drew It's your genetics.

1:11:52 Adam It's your genetics.

1:11:53 Drew That's why Shaw is appropriate looking for biological solutions. And there will be some forthcoming in the next few years.

1:11:58 Adam But she also says she can't control her eating.

1:12:01 Drew But there are some people that really can't.

1:12:03 Adam Yeah. But here's the other thing too. And show me a 19-year-old guy who can control his eating. I mean, I know guy. I mean, when I was growing up, and now, are you kidding? Like, especially males. Males just, they just go to, you know, they eat at Jack of the Box. They eat in and out. They eat breakfast cereal. They eat sugary breakfast cereal. I mean, they eat all the wrong things. You never see some 19-year-old guy shucking a carrot. I'm making myself a salad. You want some beets? Are you kidding me? They just go and they go out to dinner. They order the greasiest, biggest, and then the dessert and the fries with everything, and everything's smothered in ketchup, barbecue sauce, everything's fried. I mean, this is what 19-year-olds do. This is what 20-year-olds do, especially males. There's ones that are just bone-skinny. I mean, that's it. I mean, you see, you see, guys, what's the last time you saw a fat guy drinkin a regular Coke? Fat guys drink diet Cokes, and this bone-skinny guys drink regular Cokes. That's, they just eat crap. They just, they just, they just-

1:13:11 Drew That's just their genes.

1:13:12 Adam Dr. Bruce is like, you ever see Dr. Bruce?

1:13:16 Drew Yes, I've seen him.

1:13:17 Adam Do you know who I'm talking about?

1:13:18 Drew I know who you're talking about, yes.

1:13:19 Adam Dr. Bruce looks like someone put a skull on a moth panel. It's basically what he's built like.

1:13:26 Drew Nick of Budcrane.

1:13:27 Adam Dr. Bruce is the only guy I know who puts 16 sugar packets in his coffee.

1:13:34 Drew Yes, would never touch Splenda.

1:13:36 Adam And if you saw an overweight guy doing what Dr. Bruce does, you'd be like, you pig. Would you have some self-esteem? You're out of control. There needs to be an intervention. Look at you, you big fat blimp. Look at you, you disgust me. No, the skinny guys eat like pigs. They just don't get fat. That's it. It's just genetics. Who, by the way, looks any different than what they ever were and what they looked like in the past, what they looked like yesterday or a year earlier? Who's ever done anything? Yeah, you exercise, you try to eat right, but you get your shape. That's about it. Why do we got to beat the crap out of the fat ones?

1:14:13 Drew I'm with you.

1:14:13 Adam All right.

1:14:14 Drew Take a break.

1:14:15 Adam Let's take a break. Damn models. But I love them. You know what I mean?

1:14:21 Drew You said you take pictures and beat off them.

1:14:24 Adam Oh, no. I just, I don't take the pictures.

1:14:27 Drew You told them to hold still so the pictures can be taken so you can beat them.

1:14:30 Adam Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought you said I took the pictures.

1:14:32 Drew No, no, I know. No, I know you don't.

1:14:33 Adam No, I don't.

1:14:34 Drew Because you'd be too busy.

1:14:35 Adam Yeah, too busy. No tripod, steady enough for that.

1:14:39 Drew Yeah.

1:14:39 Adam Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:14:43 Caller I'm kind of like chunky.

1:15:05 Adam Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. And nobody has this kind of selection of the hottest adult DVDs than hushdvd.com. Really? Than?

1:15:21 Drew Wait, let's read this again. And nobody has this kind of selection of the hottest adult DVDs than hushdvd.com. That is the worst sentence ever written.

1:15:30 Adam I know. And they gotta get close. They gotta get close to what they want me to say.

1:15:34 Drew Close to English.

1:15:35 Adam They gotta get to English. Yeah, maybe it's a company that's based in Korea. So.

1:15:39 Guest Hey, hey, hey.

1:15:40 Drew Okay, go ahead. A quick plug here again. I'm still looking for my television program, Discovery Health Channel. A couple whose sex life has gotten dull and interested in trying to find ways to get it back to the way it was. And also sexual phobias. Crazy sexual hangups, like difficulty kissing, or difficulty of feeling of germs, or the lights out, or anal sex, whatever.

1:16:00 Adam I don't mind germs, because I can't see them. You know what I mean?

1:16:05 Drew Therefore they can't hurt you.

1:16:09 Rachel? Yeah.

1:16:10 Adam 24?

1:16:11 24 for Rene Del Rey.

1:16:14 Adam What's up baby doll?

1:16:15 Okay, so basically I have been with my boyfriend now for six months. I've been like sexually active for about five or six years. I have been on the devil shot for about four years. I don't get wet. I have to use lip or can.

1:16:32 Drew And that's the not getting wet problem has been since you've been taking the shot?

1:16:35 Caller Um, I think since before.

1:16:38 Drew Because the not getting wet is a very common side effect of the shot.

1:16:42 But I think it's been since before.

1:16:43 Drew Well, it's going to get worse with the shot. Also you've been on the shot for four years and they really are suggesting people not stay on it more than five. Really? Because it can cause bone demineralization, bone softening of the bones.

1:16:54 Okay.

1:16:56 Adam Yeah.

1:16:57 Besides that, I don't think I've ever had an orgasm. And every time I've had sex, I fake it. Yeah.

1:17:04 Adam That's a good woman.

1:17:06 And tonight, actually, when I called you, I was on my way home from my boyfriend's house and I faked it again. So I'm thinking that either I'm doing something wrong or the guys I'm meeting are. Maybe I just need a little bit more.

1:17:18 Adam How do you know when it's time to fake it?

1:17:21 When nothing's happening. You know, it feels good, but I'm just like, oh, okay, well.

1:17:25 Adam Yeah, I know. But you're like, yeah, we're 20 minutes in and Desperate Housewives is on in 10 minutes. Time to fake it?

1:17:31 Yeah, so.

1:17:32 Drew Just when your mind starts wandering or what?

1:17:35 Caller Basically.

1:17:37 Like I like what's going on, but it's not, you know, I'm not hitting the plateau.

1:17:42 Adam How many orgasms would you say you faked over the years?

1:17:45 Oh God, I think probably every single one.

1:17:48 Adam Like every time I had inner horses, hundreds of thousands, millions of fake orgasms. Could you fill the Grand Canyon with your fake orgasms? Yeah, that's a yes. That's a definite yes. Yeah. So I don't know, but you could pave a road from here to New York City with her fake orgasms.

1:18:08 Drew Rachel, you're 24. It's time to figure out what an orgasm is.

1:18:11 Caller I don't even know what it is. And I don't want to ask my friends, obviously.

1:18:15 Drew Why not?

1:18:16 Adam Well, get off the depot.

1:18:18 Caller Because then I'll know I'm not having one and I don't really, you know.

1:18:22 Adam Okay, listen, here's the thing. Let's talk damage control, real world damage control. I don't believe in this thing where you just go drop a bomb on your boyfriend and go, I was faking and I always did fake. No, no, no. He'll kill himself. I think what you need to do is, you got to get a new form of birth control. What, do you wait for the shot to wear off?

1:18:43 Drew You wait for the shot to wear off and you want to get on.

1:18:45 Adam Can you flush it out with Gatorade?

1:18:46 Drew Probably want to get on one of the patch or the ring, something like that. I was interviewing an endocrinologist the other day and he was telling me that sex hormone binding globulin goes up when you take the pill and that tends to bind circulating testosterone. So particularly as you get older, that can drop your sex drive a little bit.

1:19:01 Adam I was talking to an El Salvadorian guy, Stucco.

1:19:03 Drew Yeah. Was he talking about sex?

1:19:06 Adam He was talking about binding globulins.

1:19:07 Drew Oh, really? Interesting.

1:19:09 Adam Yeah. Hey, Rachel. Yeah. So what you need to do, though, is probably stop faking them with your boyfriend. Tell him, you just tell him something's changing, a shift or something.

1:19:20 Drew Maybe it's the shot.

1:19:21 Caller I don't know if something's wrong.

1:19:22 Adam He needs to do a little oral love on you.

1:19:25 Caller Well, he does. And I still don't, like, at all.

1:19:28 Drew But you got to direct him a little bit. Give him a little more feedback.

1:19:31 Adam Yeah. Maybe you could get a vibrator and try to work it out.

1:19:35 Caller I have, and I get it from that and not from my boyfriend.

1:19:38 Drew You do get an orgasm with a vibrator.

1:19:40 Caller I get what? From my vibrator, but not from my boyfriend.

1:19:43 Guest Yeah.

1:19:45 Adam Hold on a second. So we said, you need to get a vibrator. And she said, I do.

1:19:51 Drew I get it from a vibrator. But she meant I get lubricated.

1:19:55 Adam Lubricated. So she's on lubrication. We're on orgasm.

1:19:59 Drew Yeah.

1:20:00 Adam Rachel.

1:20:01 Caller Yeah.

1:20:01 Adam So no orgasm with the vibrator.

1:20:04 Caller I don't think so.

1:20:06 Drew How long do you work at that?

1:20:07 Caller What was that?

1:20:08 Drew Do you work at that for a while with your boyfriend or by yourself?

1:20:12 Caller I do by myself actually. And I mean, I get wet, but I don't think I've ever had an orgasm. So I don't even know what I'm looking for basically.

1:20:24 Drew What about it Drew?

1:20:24 Caller I'm supposed to go to my gyno actually on Wednesday. So I guess I can ask him, but.

1:20:28 Drew You should talk to him about it. You should get off the depot shot. You should be on a pill or a system of birth control that can maybe enhance sexuality. Tough nut. Then you got to work with your boyfriend. You got to sort of just again as Adam said, just say I don't know what the problem is. I've lost it, but we got to work on this together.

1:20:44 Adam What about someone like this poppin a Viagra? What about it?

1:20:48 Drew Viagra doesn't do anything to orgasm or desire for women.

1:20:52 Caller Well, it's weird because when we're involved in intercourse and I say harder or something, that's when it seems like I'm almost getting there and then he stops. It's almost like he doesn't want to do it that way or whatever. He's all soft and I'm like, oh God.

1:21:11 Drew So he orgasms and then loses the erection?

1:21:14 Adam No, he just changes gears when she wants it harder.

1:21:16 Drew No, he said she goes soft.

1:21:19 Caller No, no, no, what I mean is he goes back to how he was.

1:21:22 Drew Well, you got to make it clear. Then you fake it so he knows you're going to fake it. You got to make it clear to him.

1:21:25 Adam Yeah.

1:21:26 Drew You got to be much, much clearer with him.

1:21:27 Caller Okay. I don't think he knows, so I mean, because he hasn't said anything.

1:21:30 Drew Of course he doesn't know because you've let him to believe you function differently than you do.

1:21:34 Adam He's got to give you a good pounding within the inch of your life. If I was a couple of years younger, I'd be over there. Oh yeah.

1:21:42 Caller Okay.

1:21:43 Drew Yeah. She's like, yeah, sure.

1:21:45 Adam Yeah.

1:21:46 Drew Yeah.

1:21:47 Adam Yeah. Go right over there.

1:21:47 Drew That's right. You sure would.

1:21:49 Adam Let me introduce you to my second, Chris. He's going to warm you up. Then I'll come in for the kill. You know what I'm saying?

1:21:58 Drew I hear you.

1:21:59 Adam Yeah. Not on her or on Chris.

1:22:01 Drew Oh, I see.

1:22:01 Adam Finish him off.

1:22:02 Drew Nice.

1:22:03 Adam Why not? Are you ready to go?

1:22:05 Drew Yeah. I've got a bar first, but yeah. Please do.

1:22:10 Adam Gina?

1:22:11 Caller Yeah.

1:22:14 Caller Yeah.

1:22:16 Adam Calling from Alaska.

1:22:19 Caller Pretty far up here.

1:22:22 Adam What do you do in Alaska?

1:22:25 Caller Snowboard. Hang out.

1:22:28 Drew That's what her parents do. Yeah.

1:22:30 Adam What do your parents do?

1:22:33 Caller They work.

1:22:34 Drew Okay. They work in Alaska. That's what they do.

1:22:38 Adam Hold on. I'm writing.

1:22:39 Caller Work.

1:22:41 Adam All right. Well, now it's snapped into focus. Yeah. All right. I can picture the family now.

1:22:48 Drew She hangs out. Her parents work.

1:22:51 Adam Hoo-wee. Boy, too much information. I don't need to know all the intricacies of your intimate life with the work and then the hanging out. All right. So I'm going to write a book on Gina, but you move ahead with the questioning.

1:23:05 Drew Go ahead.

1:23:07 Caller Okay. I have a friend who I'm really close with, and she's a lesbian, but I didn't know about it until recently. And she just told me, and she always hits on me, kisses me, and cuddles up with me. And when she stays the night, she sleeps in my room and whatever. But sometimes I don't know how to handle it, but then other times I kind of like it. I'm like, you know how I can like decipher the meaning or try to understand what to do about it?

1:23:37 Drew Have you told her you're not a lesbian?

1:23:40 Caller Yes, no. I have a boyfriend.

1:23:43 Drew Can you tell her?

1:23:44 Adam What, what, what was the boyfriend?

1:23:45 Drew Jean has a boyfriend.

1:23:47 Adam You have a boyfriend?

1:23:48 Caller Yes.

1:23:49 Adam Okay.

1:23:50 Drew Can you just tell her clearly, you're a good friend, but I'm just not gonna do it that way. It makes me uncomfortable. It's a boundary violation, which doesn't respect your physical boundaries. And if she can't.

1:24:01 Caller Sometimes I kind of, it's, sometimes it seems like I'm on and don't exactly tell her that I don't like it, because sometimes it's not, but I don't like it, you know?

1:24:12 Adam Yeah, yeah. Look, most 17-year-old chicks, oh, women of all ages, they like attention. And it's now expanded into females, dude. Just show me some affection, show me some attention. It's weird that it's now sort of spilled into the female populace, female on female. It seems like everyone's sort of flexible sexually.

1:24:33 Drew Now screwed up men are, and there you go.

1:24:35 Adam Yeah. So, but Gina, is everything okay with you? Were you ever abused or anything like that?

1:24:43 Caller I'd rather not get into that.

1:24:45 Drew Well, that changes. I'll take that as a big no. Never abused.

1:24:49 Adam We'll keep moving.

1:24:49 Drew That changes everything, Gina. That makes you somebody who will have difficulty maintaining boundaries, ambivalence about-

1:24:56 Caller Yeah, but I don't know if that was a yes or a no. It was just I'd rather not discuss it.

1:25:01 Drew Yeah, well, no one with a no answers the question that way. So it's a yes. So the fact is that having been the victim of any kind of abuse like that makes boundary maintenance difficult for you. It's difficult for you not to be violated because you've been a victim. It's easy to become a victim again to be attracted to the situation.

1:25:19 Adam True, she didn't say.

1:25:20 Drew I know. Just if someone had been abused, though, let's talk about that. Yeah. And it'll make it also sometimes people have ambivalence about their sexual orientation. They're not really clear, straight or gay when they've been sexually abused. So this is that kind of situation, Gina, and it's treachery for you.

1:25:34 Adam Well, Ben, let's try to find out who didn't abuse Gina. Was it like your dad, stepdad, neighbor? Who didn't abuse you?

1:25:44 Caller No one didn't.

1:25:46 Adam Oh, everyone abused you.

1:25:47 Caller No, I did not discuss that.

1:25:51 Adam But you got to get some therapy.

1:25:53 Drew Yeah, it's a critical, critical piece of your story.

1:25:56 Adam Have you gotten some therapy for your non-abuse?

1:26:00 Caller Sure. I'll say that I have, hypothetically.

1:26:03 Drew Yeah, Gina, this is critical to your well-being and your emotional health. And why you wouldn't, why you can dismiss that, I think that doesn't have a huge, huge impact on your current relationships is unfortunate.

1:26:16 Adam What's your dad do for a living besides work?

1:26:20 Caller Actually, my dad passed away about eight, nine years ago.

1:26:24 Drew Do you have a stepdad?

1:26:27 Caller I don't live with my family.

1:26:30 Adam What do you live with?

1:26:31 Caller I live with some friends.

1:26:33 Caller Their family kind of adopted me.

1:26:35 Adam When did you move out of your place?

1:26:38 Caller A couple months ago.

1:26:41 Adam What happened to your dad?

1:26:44 Caller Long story. He kind of, I don't know, he was really heavy in the drugs and stuff, but he had cancer and the doctor says that he probably killed himself. He overdosed on drugs, but they think it was kind of on purpose.

1:26:59 Drew Okay, we get it.

1:27:00 Adam Alright, so everything is crappy.

1:27:03 Caller What was so crappy?

1:27:04 Adam Well, we had a horrible childhood.

1:27:08 Caller No, there are some parts that are good.

1:27:10 Adam Yeah, you could probably condense that into a weekend over your 17 years.

1:27:15 Drew That's good that you can look at your childhood that way. Yeah, I'm glad you can. Don't dismiss the rest of it. Forgiveness is an important thing, but don't pretend it didn't happen. Don't dismiss it.

1:27:26 Adam All right, all right, so listen, don't get pregnant.

1:27:30 Caller No, that is not my agenda.

1:27:32 Drew That could solve it.

1:27:32 Adam It's never on anybody's agenda, but yet, it seems to happen. So do that and get some help. I'm just laughing because I'm picturing her going to the therapist in Alaska. And he's basically running bare.

1:27:55 Drew You know what I mean?

1:27:59 Adam He's like, stop blame parents. You in shame spiral. Get on, seal skin. We throw you up in air. I'm like, what the hell is going on? There's gotta be an Alaskan therapist.

1:28:15 Drew Well, what city is she in?

1:28:16 Adam Oh, it's all just one big snow globe to me. Gina?

1:28:21 Caller Yeah?

1:28:22 Adam Where are you?

1:28:22 Drew What city?

1:28:23 Adam Where are you in Alaska?

1:28:25 Caller Where am I in Alaska?

1:28:28 Drew Are you in... Gina, first of all... Hold on. No, no, no, no. Let me just ask her if she's in Alaska.

1:28:34 Adam I'm done. Listen, I got... I'm tired.

1:28:37 Drew I just... Ladies and gentlemen, just watch the interaction. The victim evoking abuse from the abuser.

1:28:44 Adam That was what just happened. I only started abusing her after five and a half minutes.

1:28:48 Drew I understand, but that's what she does. She works it until she gets it.

1:28:51 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I feel sorry for them, but I also want them to never talk to me again because...

1:28:57 Drew I'm not saying it wasn't evoked. It was evoked.

1:29:00 Adam No, but it's just that what do your parents do?

1:29:02 Drew Work?

1:29:03 Adam Where are you from? I didn't know what her answer was with that. Like, here's the deal. I don't want to make every goddamn question a trip to the dentist. Just please, kids, spit them out. If we ask you what city you're calling from, just go ahead and tell us what city. That's all. All right?

1:29:20 Drew I'm with you. Take a break.

1:29:21 Adam Meanwhile, horrible, junky dad's in the ground. Crazy life. She's going to be acting out all over the place.

1:29:28 Drew She's very angry.

1:29:29 Adam All right. But please, just don't have... That's all I ask. You realize we can still have a utopia if the genus of the world, for their sake. Now, you think this is a selfish thing. Well, I don't want kids to stab my kids. I won't have to pay the welfare. I don't have to pay for the incarceration of her boys and the rehab and everything. All true, but also for genus' sake. You don't have kids, you can do a little therapy, do a little college, free yourself up, change your life. And then you spit out the little ones in your later 20s and early 30s after you hit the smooth C. That's true. Perfect. All right. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this. Ready to rock here, buddy?

1:30:41 Drew Let's go. Let's rock.

1:30:42 Adam Let's rock. Ready to rock?

1:30:43 Drew Ready to rock.

1:30:44 Adam You want to rock?

1:30:45 Drew Let's rock.

1:30:46 Adam Wendy?

1:30:47 Caller Yes.

1:30:48 Adam 28?

1:30:49 Caller Yes.

1:30:50 Drew What's up?

1:30:50 Adam You think you have an orgasm each time you have sex?

1:30:53 Caller Yes.

1:30:54 Adam All right. That's good.

1:30:57 Guest Oh, boy.

1:31:00 Adam That's Yulazer.

1:31:01 Guest Now, this is wonderful.

1:31:04 Adam That's him coked up too, by the way. You ought to see him when he's had a beer.

1:31:08 Drew What's your question? Wendy? What's your question?

1:31:15 Caller The question was, am I actually having an orgasm? I mean, how does a woman actually know?

1:31:22 Adam Well, it is grand. By the way, I just like the fact that Yul bores the people he's interviewing about their product. How long has your family been cooking, tripe and putting it in a can? It's called menudo, Hugh. Menudo. Yeah, menudo. Menudo. Yeah, menudo. 120 years. 128 years. 128 years. It's like, by the way, this is what public broadcasting is. You can stay on the air for 500. Huel Houser's been on the air for 500 years.

1:32:22 Drew No competition.

1:32:24 Adam This is where we ship the menudo. Where you ship the menudo. Yeah, that's what I just said, Huel. The menudo shipping port.

1:32:37 Guest Yeah.

1:32:38 Adam And this is where it's shipped. That's right, Huel.

1:32:41 Guest And how long?

1:32:42 Adam Okay.

1:32:43 Drew I want to go back to Wendy's orgasm.

1:32:44 Adam I can't.

1:32:46 Drew Your imitation of Huel bores me.

1:32:49 Guest But here's where he gets really excited about stairs, Drew, just real quick.

1:32:52 Adam You and your brother would run up and down the stairs.

1:32:54 Caller Now, was that allowed?

1:32:56 Caller Well, they were up partying.

1:32:57 Drew We were playing on the stairs, so.

1:32:59 Adam These would be great stairs for children to run up and down.

1:33:01 Drew They were. That is wonderful.

1:33:06 Adam It is grand.

1:33:08 Drew So, Wendy. Yes. Okay. You think you have an orgasm, right? Yes. There is a contraction, a release, you get a little euphoric. Yes? Yes. Why don't you just call it good? Yeah. Many women, not most, but many do have an orgasm each time they have sex. About 10% have multiple orgasms, like dozens when they have sex. There are some that have orgasm just with oral sex and some that have it with intercourse reliably sometimes, some not reliably and some have lots of them every time. It's all over the map with women and once whatever you are is what you are, it's not as though you can move from the multi-multi-orgasm to the suddenly being someone who can only have orgasm with oral sex or vice versa. You're not going to suddenly become multi-orgasmic, just doesn't happen.

1:33:56 Adam You know what I'd love? I'd love someone just to screw with a Huel Hauser and just say, how long has your family been creating tortillas in the San Fernando Valley? Two days, Huel. Two days.

1:34:10 Guest Amazing.

1:34:12 Adam Yeah, he would still do it. I'm sure whatever number you said.

1:34:15 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:34:16 Adam We started earlier today about noon. He would still do it. He would still go and say, noon?

1:34:22 Caller Tuesday? Noon?

1:34:23 Drew 1130.

1:34:25 Guest But noon.

1:34:26 Adam Nick?

1:34:27 Caller Hi. I'm a first time caller and I grew up on you guys. I love you both.

1:34:34 Guest All right.

1:34:35 Adam What's happening?

1:34:36 Caller You're like my Sesame Street. Well, anyway. You guys were my Sesame Street.

1:34:41 Drew You're gay.

1:34:43 Caller Well, I'm really 18 and my real question was, I was diagnosed with general herpes and I just, you know, it's kind of a hard thing to take.

1:34:56 Drew 18, yeah it is. But you wear a condom, you make sure you don't have frequent outbreaks, make sure you don't have any contact when you're having an outbreak. If you have frequent outbreaks, take the medication, it's over acts, famvira, that sort of thing.

1:35:08 Adam Yeah, they got good stuff there.

1:35:09 Drew To reduce the frequent outbreaks and reduce the viral shedding and be honest with your partners and move on.

1:35:16 Adam Yeah, you probably hook up with someone that's got it anyway.

1:35:19 Drew That's correct.

1:35:20 Adam Let's talk, someone's been on hold for a while. Jennifer?

1:35:23 Drew Hello?

1:35:24 Adam Why do you get easily, what word is that?

1:35:27 Drew Obsessed, obsessed, supposed to be obsessed.

1:35:29 Adam Okay, with, I thought it was obsessed but then it read weird. With guys you date, self-destructive, huh?

1:35:37 Drew It's clinginess, Jennifer, it's a cling.

1:35:40 Caller Yeah, I'm very clingy and it actually kind of drives me crazy. I don't know what to do. Can't find a boyfriend because of it.

1:35:49 Adam All right, well, let me say this, Jennifer, and I'm not a female but I do have high levels of circulating estrogen so I feel like I can speak as a female. You need to get your life going in every other aspect of your life and this makes this issue much, much lesser.

1:36:10 Drew I know this would be great advice for a male. I'm not totally clear it is for a woman.

1:36:13 Adam I think it would be for anyone who's clingy. It's not as good for a woman. It's not as good and therapy and whatever's all fine but you take control of your life in that you start working out, you eat right, you focus on your career. Whether, you know, if you're getting to the next level of whatever job you have, if it means some training or whatever. You basically focus on every facet of your life other than the relationship part and you get your life so good that people want to join it, not you trying to latch on to them like a barnacle and save me, save me. See what I'm saying?

1:36:51 Caller Yeah, I know what you're saying. By the way, I love you guys. I've been listening to you guys for over 10 years.

1:36:56 Adam Thanks. What's going on with your life? Do you work?

1:36:59 Caller Yeah, I work and I actually work out. I eat right. I've lost over a hundred pounds in the past two years.

1:37:06 Adam Yeah.

1:37:07 Caller Uh-oh. Yeah.

1:37:09 Adam A hundred pounds! That's what you'll do.

1:37:12 Drew Yeah, that kind of weight. When I see big, big fluctuations in weight, I think trauma because the weight kind of kept people away at one point and now the weight comes down and so you can have relationships but now it's confusing and depressing and clingy.

1:37:25 Caller Well, I'm still overweight. I'm still trying to lose weight. I'm just going slowly so...

1:37:30 Adam Well, here's the thing. First off, God bless you lost a hundred pounds. You should be congratulated. That is no small feat. Secondly, keep going in that direction. Thirdly, and this for guys, this is for girls. Make your life as attractive as it can be. Have your bird house be so beautiful that every every robin flying by wants to stop there. Set that bird free and if it doesn't come back.

1:37:57 Drew But not just for attracting people, also just so you actually have esteem and enjoy your life.

1:38:03 Adam Let me say one thing. Drew, I know what you're doing, but you know once in a while they do this thing where they go, that skier took a tumble 80 feet off a snow bank and if he wasn't in such phenomenal shape, it would have killed him. They always do that thing. Emotionally, that's what you need to be in relationships. Everything is so good. You're so strong. Everything is so positive.

1:38:22 Drew If you fall off a cliff.

1:38:22 Adam The guy dumps you, you don't kill yourself.

1:38:24 Drew Good point.

1:38:25 Adam Thank you.

1:38:26 Drew We are still looking for people who's, couples whose sex life has sort of grown dull. We are screening for that on 1-800-LOVE-191 for the television program. Also people with phobias and sexual hangups, kissing, toys, germs.

1:38:38 Adam Yuck.

1:38:38 Drew We'll talk to you.

1:38:39 Adam Alright, take a quick break. We're right back after this. Yeah, well, that's the show. Thanks for listening, and we promise to be back at our regular time at tomorrow night. Do what? Delight all you. Not that it was a different time tonight. It doesn't have to be.

1:39:26 Drew Well, usually when people say we'll be back at our regular time, it's because we were not at our regular time tonight. But we'll be back at our regular time anyway.

1:39:32 Adam It's implied, but technically I'm correct.

1:39:34 Drew We're back at our regular time.

1:39:36 Adam That's right. So until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. Here's what I got to say to all the supermodels. Shut up and take your pants off, bitch. Get down in your underpants and shut up. Please shut your pie hole, take your heroin, get in your underpants and start making and being. Shake that ass. Let me take a picture of you and beat off.

1:39:59 Caller Now shut up.

1:40:02 Guest This has been Loveline.

1:40:06 Adam The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, January 23, 2005