Episode 1000670113519

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:14 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:18 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:21 Adam Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. It's the best of Loveline. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, you stoned teenager.

1:31 Drew And this is the best of the best this week.

1:33 Adam Oh, really?

1:33 Drew This really is, yeah, yeah.

1:34 Adam Yeah, normally, here's how the best goes. Well, we take the best calls from last three or four weeks. Anderson cobbles them together, a little scotch tape and some mucus, and that's the show. But this, we dug deep. We went deep into the archives, five years deep into the archives. Anderson was up until five in the morning not working on this, but that was a coincidence. He was masturbating, masturbating, crying. That was, yeah, that was Saturday. Then Monday, he was up till about about 1030 work on this, but up five before. Yeah. So what a show we got. We got Matthew McConaughey on the show. He's talking about weed. Yeah. And beaten off. We got Laura Prepon and Mila Kunis in here from that 70s show. We got, we got Jane's Addiction, Perry Farrell, we got Foo Fighters in here. Joshua Jackson. What's that?

2:27 Drew Dave Grohl from Foo Fighters.

2:28 Adam Dave Grohl, yeah, from the Foo Fighters. Oh, it's a hell of a show. All right, so let's get started. Without further ado, Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Matthew McConaughey is our guest tonight. Hey Matthew, seriously, I don't know what you can do. I'm sure you're-

2:51 Drew He wants to be in a movie. Is that what you're going to go for?

2:55 Adam I am this nation's greatest untapped resource. I really am. I'm a huge talent, an amazing talent.

3:03 Drew Oh my god.

3:04 Adam Almost a phenom, I think. And I'm really, I'm a 35-year-old prodigy, if that's possible, Drew. And I really, I have something to say.

3:16 Drew And Matthew, when you produce and direct your next film.

3:19 Yes.

3:19 Drew You'll think of him.

3:21 Adam Here's what I'm saying.

3:22 Caller What are you saying?

3:23 Adam I'm saying I'm gonna be on the big screen, I'm gonna be making an impact, and what I'm basically, what I'm saying to you is, I'm giving you a tip on a stock. I'm letting you get in. I'm saying because I like you, I'm gonna let you get in early.

3:37 Caller Just between you and me.

3:38 Adam Just between, I'll get you in on the ground floor now.

3:41 Caller Okay.

3:42 Adam If that's where the smart money's going.

3:44 Drew All right, that being said, let's go on the call.

3:46 Adam Because I know how all this works. You have friends, they're in the industry, all you gotta do is tap someone on the shoulder.

3:52 Drew Is he who produced this film?

3:54 Adam Who did produce it?

3:55 Drew De Laurentiis.

3:56 Adam Oh, there you go. You know Deano, right?

3:58 Caller Yes, I did.

3:58 Adam There, next time he does something, you go, I know a guy with a big eyebrows, he'd be perfect for this role. You see what I'm saying?

4:08 Caller I'm getting everything that's not even being said.

4:10 I hear it.

4:12 Adam Frank?

4:12 Drew He wants to date you.

4:13 Adam Hey, what's up guys? Hey, whatever it takes. Frank, you could do worse, by the way, Matthew, really. I can work on the house and work on the car. Very handy. And listen, we'll sit around and watch sports all goddamn day. It'll be, you know, we'll take turns getting each other beer and then we'll go out to strip joints at night. It'll be the greatest date you ever had in your life. Let me take this moment to kiss your ass for your work in Dazed and Confused. Because, Drew, I don't know if you saw Dazed and Confused.

4:44 Drew It's kind of blurry for me because I couldn't tell whether I was reliving a memory or whether I was actually watching a film.

4:49 Adam Right, yeah, because in 1976 was sort of your wheelhouse. When did you graduate high school?

4:54 Drew 1976.

4:55 Adam Perfect. So these guys were all graduating in 76. And Matthew was perfect because he played the guy who graduated a year or two before who was still hanging out, big fish in the small pond. He'd been working for, I think, the phone company or something for a year or two.

5:12 Caller Keeping up the change in my pocket.

5:14 Adam Just having 10 bucks in your pocket meant you were sort of way, a few rungs up on the ladder. Then you got a ride, you got your own wheels, and all you gotta do is slide down a couple of years. It's a pretty crucial couple of years. I mean, from 25 to 23 is no big deal, but if you're talking about people that are still in high school and you're a couple of years older, you are king of that hill.

5:37 Drew The people he hung out with when he was a senior.

5:39 Adam Right, and he was just, I was watching that movie, I'd never seen you before, I wasn't familiar with your work, but I just said, that guy, that is perfect. Perfect. It was just, you were that dude.

5:54 Caller Thank you, that guy was based on, and my brother still says a very sarcastic thank you to me when I say this, but it was based on who I thought my middle brother was. Oh!

6:05 Drew He's a... That's as compared to what your middle brother thinks he is?

6:08 Caller Exactly. He's seven years older, so there are those times where I know mom and dad were out of town, we had parties, I saw certain things, but you think your older brother is seven feet tall. You think the Concord system in the back of that Z28 is the best sounding system you've ever heard in your life. And you think that your brother there hanging out in the smoking section, again, is the absolute stud of all beings. So I put those images together.

6:30 Adam It's amazing how much mileage you can get out of just being born a year and a half, two years earlier, when someone is 16 and someone is 19, let's say. I mean, you were automatically cool, just by virtue of the fact that you had graduated two years ago and these other guys were still in high school. It was a big, I mean, it doesn't really fly once you get in your 40s, let's say.

6:52 Drew You and I have hit a point, though, where they actually can't believe we survive, like we live. I was in Colorado State on Thursday, and they asked how old I was, and they were like, whoa.

7:03 Caller A little tougher to get away with it.

7:07 Adam Anthony?

7:09 Yeah.

7:09 Adam You're 14?

7:11 Caller Yeah.

7:13 Adam What's up there, Anthony?

7:15 I was like, I was in the shower the other day, and I looked down at my penis, and I found these like little like bumps underneath it, like underneath the penis and all over the scrotum, like kind of goose bumps type of.

7:33 Drew That's a good description of the pearly penile papules, basically. And those are normal. You're hitting that age when these kinds of things start to develop, and I wouldn't worry about it.

7:41 Okay. Thank you.

7:42 Adam All right, Anthony. There you go.

7:45 Drew You've got a satisfied customer.

7:46 Adam Kelly?

7:47 Yeah.

7:47 Adam You're 19. What's up?

7:50 Caller Well, to make a long story short, I've been dating this guy for almost two years, and about a week ago, we were coming home from school, and he got pulled over, and he deals drugs, kind of key to this situation, and he got pulled over, and they found a pound of marijuana in his car. And my question is- We obviously haven't been smoking it anymore, and he got rid of everything, doesn't deal with it anymore, but my question is more for Drew. As far as withdrawal symptoms, his mood swings are just off the wall.

8:24 Drew Yeah, and they will continue that way for quite some time. Be very irritable. It's very similar to coming off opiate, it's heroin. A lot of pain and agitation, a lot of severe feelings of sort of loss and irritability.

8:38 Adam Well, yeah, if someone confiscates a pound of weed, that's a feeling of loss.

8:42 Drew Literally, heroin acts as a feeling like somebody died. That's the feeling, somebody they really loved is taken away for some reason.

8:48 Adam Well, how old is he?

8:50 Caller He'll be 21 in a month.

8:51 Drew And he will not stop, he will typically, people with this history will switch to something else. They won't make it without treatment.

8:57 Adam He must have been smoking for a while though, like he started young.

9:02 Caller We actually didn't smoke it when we first started dating. So we started...

9:07 Adam So he's been smoking weed for a year and a half?

9:10 Caller No, no, no. I'd say probably like six months.

9:13 Adam Really?

9:14 Drew That's all you gotta do, you smoke it up.

9:15 Adam Oh, no.

9:17 Drew I'm telling you.

9:17 Adam Listen.

9:18 Caller And then you think he's gonna go, he's gotta go to something else, you believe? If he wants to, I mean, I know we've only quit for a week, but...

9:23 Drew I'll tell you the history. I mean, I treat marijuana addiction every day. That's probably the most common addiction I see right now.

9:28 Adam That's how I met his wife.

9:31 Drew And most marijuana addicts actually come to me as speed addicts because they switch over to speed as a way of dealing with either the depression that marijuana causes or the marijuana withdrawal. Alcohol also sort of corrects this, so people would gravitate on alcohol.

9:43 Adam Typically, how long have those people been smoking marijuana before they get to you?

9:48 Drew Between three and 20 years.

9:50 Adam Okay, so I'm saying six months. We've never spoken to anyone who's smoked for six months, quit, and had all the associated depression and all that.

10:00 Drew You've never discussed it. No, no, no, he's not describing that. He's describing withdrawal, which means he was smoking heavily for six months and stopped abruptly. You'll get withdrawal. Okay. He's not getting all the other stuff.

10:11 Adam All right, I'll buy that. So what does he need to do?

10:13 Drew MA.

10:14 Adam Does he? What's MA.? He's got to talk to his mom.

10:17 Drew And there are doctors that can treat the withdrawal for him. And it's not a particularly... It's a reasonably easy one to trade.

10:23 Adam Basically, they hook an IV up and circulate bong water through you for about a week until you...

10:30 Drew Benzodiazepines, Neurontin, Clonidine.

10:33 Caller It's gonna get a little easier.

10:35 Adam Why don't you give me some of that stuff, Drew?

10:37 Drew Actually, the problem with the marijuana withdrawal is that the depression gets sometimes worse. And the depression is the big issue. In fact, there's a... Hold on.

10:45 Adam Drew, don't bum me and Matthew out. We smoke a little weed.

10:48 Caller I mean, I just got a question. I mean, where's the will in all this? That's my question. Before we say it's an addiction, before we say it's gotta be treated, I'm just...

10:58 Drew Willpower to...

10:59 Caller Especially at that age, especially at that age, where you got that much incentive to about...

11:03 Drew Doesn't have anything to do with addiction. Because if I just had to convince somebody they needed to stop, that's what I do. The difference between somebody who's addicted and not addicted is when you're addicted, you can't stop even when you want to, no matter how bad you want to. That's what addiction is. And that's what I run, addiction recovery program. And that's what I deal with every day. And people earlier in their disease always can use will. That's why they convince themselves they should be able to use will later too. It's because they, for many, many years, would go, well, use or not use, I could stop if I want to. But when addiction really is entrenched, when you truly are an addict, that's when you can no longer use will.

11:37 Caller Would you say addiction, one definition would be, when it's choosing you and you're not choosing it?

11:42 Drew Yeah, and then, but the problem is, though, that's, I'd say that's severe addiction. The problem with addiction can go from an incipient phase to a severe phase, and I can predict who's going to have the problem with the inability to use their willpower. I can, I can, it's a sort of predictable course with people.

11:57 Adam All right, you're bumming my high. I'm sorry. I got stone off my ass.

12:00 Caller Nice hat.

12:02 Adam I'm wearing my pot hat. Terry?

12:05 Hello?

12:06 Adam You're 20.

12:07 Caller Yeah, I have a question.

12:09 Adam Yeah.

12:09 Caller I'm taking orthotrycycline.

12:12 Right.

12:13 Caller And I took it while I was drinking on Friday night. And then I took my pill like when I usually take it, except because I was drinking, I had too much to drink, I threw up. So, and I don't know how long, and my question is, is how long does it take before the pill is absorbed?

12:31 Drew How long after did you vomit? I'm sorry.

12:33 Caller Probably, I don't know, 30 to 60 minutes after I took it.

12:38 Drew Probably a big difference between 30 and 60 minutes. 30 minutes, it's not absorbed, 60 it might have been.

12:43 Really?

12:44 Drew All right. Did you see the pill?

12:48 Caller No, but I mean.

12:50 Drew When you throw it up, usually you see the pill if you didn't absorb it.

12:52 You would?

12:53 Drew Yeah.

12:53 Well, I don't know.

12:54 Adam I bet she chucked in some hedge staggering out to her boyfriend's house to mean out. What do you think she did? Get a miner's light and go through it?

13:04 Drew Get a strainer?

13:05 Adam Yeah, like a miner's sieve or something, like some old timer down at the creek looking for gold. All right, so what should she do then? Take another one?

13:15 Drew Yeah.

13:16 Adam She should?

13:16 Drew Yeah, or double up the next day.

13:17 Caller Go back to that spot. It may still be there.

13:22 Adam Oh, dog probably laughed it up by now. Frank?

13:26 Yeah, what's up, guys?

13:27 Adam All right, so you're 22. Your girlfriend is a foot fetish.

13:30 Caller Yeah, it's pretty serious.

13:32 She's kind of obsessed with feet. I have a problem though.

13:36 I have a little bit of jocks, or not jocks, athlete's foot.

13:39 Drew Why don't you treat that?

13:40 Caller I'm trying.

13:41 Drew What are you doing?

13:42 Using some Gold Bond.

13:43 Drew Oh, please.

13:44 Caller I don't know how well that's worked.

13:46 Drew Oh my God, Frank is a Loveline caller.

13:48 Adam What do you mean? Don't you dump Gold Bond?

13:51 Drew Gold Bond is like an anesthetic. It's like the healthy itching. It doesn't do anything to the problem.

13:55 Adam It doesn't kill the fungus?

13:56 Caller That's not even the worst part of it.

13:57 Drew Oh no.

13:58 My big toe is like cracking down the middle.

14:01 Caller It's green.

14:02 Drew Green? That's fungus. Yeah, it's bad.

14:06 Adam What a combination. You find the one-foot fetishist in America who's female and she's dating a guy with a Chia foot.

14:14 Drew Do you like working boots or something?

14:17 Caller Yeah, working boots.

14:20 Caller I always wear socks whenever we make love.

14:23 Let her go down and suck my toes one time.

14:26 Caller In the dark, of course.

14:27 Drew Did she throw up? Oh my God. Here's what you do. You get some Lottreman AF. You put that on at night. In the morning, after you take your shower, take a hand-held hairdryer and dry between your toes off till it is bone dry. Okay. Try to change your socks regularly and don't leave your feet for long periods of time in those shoes.

14:45 Adam What do you do? You play the role of a cowboy in an all-new review?

14:49 Caller Keep those lights off till you get the cure.

14:51 Caller Yeah, it is bad. I think a piece of hair broke off in her mouth.

14:54 Adam What do you do?

14:55 Caller What do you do? Jesus Christ.

14:57 Adam It's like he's a leper. What a combo.

15:00 Caller One time she did this.

15:02 Caller I can't help it though.

15:03 Adam What do you do for a living?

15:03 Drew Yeah, you can. I just told you how to help.

15:05 Adam What do you do with those boots?

15:06 Drew There are medicines to clear up the toenail too if it's really a problem because at your age it should be able to be treated.

15:10 Adam What do you do with those boots?

15:12 Drew Unless you're diabetic.

15:13 Caller I keep them in the garage.

15:14 Adam No, but what do you do for a living, Goofball?

15:16 Caller What do I do for a living?

15:17 Adam Yeah.

15:18 Caller I'm unemployed.

15:19 Adam You're unemployed?

15:20 Drew What do you wear the boots on?

15:21 Adam Why do you have to put boots on if you're unemployed?

15:24 I do miscellaneous jobs, you know?

15:26 Adam Yeah, I understand.

15:27 Drew Do them in Harajis.

15:29 Adam Put some sandals on.

15:30 Sandals.

15:30 Caller It's gonna air between the toes.

15:32 Adam Gotta air it out, everyone. That's where that fungus, it's not, it's, it's unlike, it's the reason you don't get fungus on the hood of your car, but you get fungus underneath your house, right? I mean, in like damp, moist, dark places. That's where it grows. Same theory, right?

15:48 Drew It likes wet.

15:49 Adam Yes. Thank you. Michael.

15:52 Hey, what's up?

15:53 Adam You're 15.

15:53 Caller Yeah.

15:54 Adam U-571.

15:56 Caller I can't wait to see that movie.

15:58 Drew All right. Good answer.

16:00 Adam So what's up, Michael?

16:02 Caller It happens to be like a couple of days ago, I started masturbating and I got this like extremely sharp pain in the back of my head.

16:10 Drew As you masturbated?

16:11 Caller Yeah.

16:11 Drew Was there?

16:12 Caller As I masturbated and in like at the end.

16:15 Drew Was there any neck stiffness with this?

16:17 Adam Was it your mom hitting you with a rolled up newspaper?

16:20 Drew Rolling pin. Any neck stiffness with this?

16:23 Caller What?

16:24 Drew Did your neck get stiff?

16:25 Caller No.

16:26 Drew Did it go away right away?

16:27 Caller No, it took about like an hour and a half.

16:29 Drew Did you feel confused or change your vision?

16:31 Caller I was extremely dizzy and...

16:34 Drew All right, it is important that you see a doctor about this. Okay. Okay. There can be migraines, but there also can be bleeding into the brain, something called aneurysms. And usually that's described as sort of like a lightning bolt, like the worst headache of one's life, often associated with neck stiffness. But the weakness and confusion and dizziness, that kind of stuff, that is a sign that you must talk to your doctor immediately. If it happens again, talk right away. Otherwise, see him or her tomorrow.

17:01 Adam Probably God punishing him for masturbating, would you say?

17:04 Drew No, it's just one of those things. Don't do this.

17:06 Caller Let this kid sleep tonight.

17:08 Drew Michael, talk to your doctor tomorrow about it, okay?

17:11 Caller Oh, can I make a shout out?

17:12 Adam Yeah, hey Michael, you should make a shout out to a brain surgeon because you may have hemorrhaging.

17:19 Caller What can be the bad things about it? What could happen to me?

17:22 Drew A lot of things. I don't want to freak you out, but you gotta promise me you'll talk to your doctor, okay?

17:26 Adam All right, does he have to tell him he was beaten off?

17:29 Drew No, just tell me, is that a terrible headache associated with dizziness?

17:32 Adam Well, shouldn't he tell him?

17:33 Caller Is this your first time you just started this?

17:34 Adam Well, he said it was his first time, right? Michael?

17:37 Caller Yeah.

17:38 Adam This was your first time?

17:39 Caller Um, yeah. But like, it wasn't like extremely dizziness, it was just a little bit when I started walking.

17:47 Drew That's fine. You just gotta talk to the doctor about it, right? You've got to support him.

17:51 Adam Now, we've had this call before.

17:52 Drew Well, the last one we had was a guy who said he was the worst headache of his life, and he had neck stiffness, and I mean, that is an aneurysm. That guy is sent to the emergency room right then. There's this, you know, maybe nothing. There can be headaches after this kind of thing. But the quality, anything, any vision change, any mental state has changed, any balance change, all that. I mean, this is where the balance centers are, and so if he's dizzy and his headache back there, that's a concern.

18:15 Adam All right. Matthew, when, how old were you when you started at yourself?

18:19 Caller Um, it was 15.

18:21 Adam 15.

18:22 Caller Yeah, got one of those new shower heads, you know, just got the jig, jig, jig, jig, jig, drop soap popped up, it'd be in the right spot. I went, well, that's a nice spot. And I kind of was hung out there for a minute.

18:32 Drew Adam had a toothbrush.

18:33 Adam I had an electric toothbrush. It wasn't even mine. It was my body's. It's like, hey, you beating off? I know. Here, put this on your penis. You'll be beaten off.

18:41 Caller I said, all right.

18:42 Caller We had a thing. My mom wouldn't let us lock the doors, either to the bedroom or the bathroom.

18:47 Drew Oh, really? Oh, mom. What is she thinking? I think I'm going to have a special room set aside.

18:52 Adam Wow.

18:53 Drew With the special padlocks and hoses and drains in the middle of the room.

18:57 Adam I'm going to have a place called the Monkey Cage. You have a big drain in the center of the floor, a hose bib on the side.

19:03 Drew Yeah, absolutely.

19:05 Adam A Guatemalan guy and big rubber waiters coming in and hosing the place down.

19:09 Drew And a VCR or something.

19:11 Adam Waterproof VCR, one of those yellow VCRs with laminated porn everywhere. We're going to take a little break and we'll be back.

19:35 Caller Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

19:37 Call Loveline at 1-800-LOVE-191.

19:40 Caller Live 105, Alternative, San Francisco.

19:56 Adam Well, we got to keep on keeping on, Drew. Yep. You know why?

20:00 Drew Because it's the best of Loveline, and we've kept on, we're not even here.

20:04 Adam Yeah. The best of Loveline?

20:05 Drew The best of best.

20:07 Adam That's right.

20:08 Drew We're digging.

20:09 Adam So let's keep on trucking with Laura Prepon and Mila Kunis. Gotta be in before the show begins. That's it.

20:17 Drew Adam, you've already scared the young ladies, and introduce them, please.

20:20 Unacceptable.

20:21 Adam I'm just looking at the tape on the headphones over there, and Laura wants to know if they fit, if they don't fit. When I realized we don't have headphones, I can't stand this place anymore.

20:32 Caller One size fits all. It's all good.

20:34 Adam Mila Kunis and Laura Prepon are both here from that 70s show. Tuesday. Tuesday's 5, 8 o'clock. Fifth season. Into syndication now. That's where the big money is, right?

20:47 Caller Sure. Yeah. Not as much as you would think, but we're not complaining.

20:51 Adam Now, why isn't it as much as I would think?

20:54 Caller I don't know. A lot of people when they hear about syndication, they're like, dude, you're making so much money. But really, the residuals get less and less as they come.

21:02 Caller It's got three years worth of decent money, and then after, it's about 20 cents an episode.

21:07 Caller But we're not complaining though.

21:08 Caller No, it's nice. It's very nice.

21:10 Adam Yeah. But if you created the show or wrote the show or whatever.

21:16 Caller We get banked.

21:16 Caller You have points in the show and you're like a producer or something.

21:21 Caller We don't get points. Let's just point this out. If you have points in the show like producers do and creators do, that's when the show goes into sedication with points then you're like made for life.

21:30 Adam Right. Mila, lean up on your mic a little bit there.

21:34 Caller Okay.

21:34 Adam Yeah. Now you're on-

21:37 Caller Yeah, every day it's a little scary.

21:42 Adam I'm sure you guys were both recognized quite a bit anyway, but did it go up a lot when instead of spending a half hour-

21:48 Caller Well, the posters are like everywhere, those bizarre posters with Kiss that don't really make sense.

21:53 Caller But they'll wear, yeah, without the roller skates.

21:55 Adam Rock and roll every night.

21:57 Drew But that makes you guys kind of go like this. Does you notice that more people seem to be noticing you or-

22:01 Caller Yeah, now that we're syndicated, I've gotten it a lot.

22:04 Caller Laura notices it. She's like, I just, I don't know.

22:07 Caller Well, people used to look at, in my case, people used to look at me and be like, is that her? But then when they hear me talk-

22:12 Caller No, wait, wait.

22:13 Caller But now it's like right away.

22:13 Caller We were at an angels game, what? When the guy goes up to me and goes, wow, you really look like the girl from the 70s show. And she's like, I mean, literally, this guy was drunk. And then we're both sitting there and these people are taking pictures of us outside drinking water or something. This guy's like, you guys really look like the girls from that 70s show. And he's like, really? You kind of sound like her too. Really? All right, nice meeting you. Bye. I was nice.

22:33 Caller You made it sound like I was mean.

22:34 Caller No, no, no. She was very nice. The guy was just like whacked out, but I'm sorry.

22:37 Adam Yeah, I guess as a woman, you have to worry about all kinds of things. Yeah, guy following you home. I had the exact same thing happen at the Angels game.

22:45 Caller Really? You kind of look like that guy.

22:47 Drew I thought he was a pitcher.

22:47 Adam No, but you know, you know.

22:49 Caller The guy can look like you. Is that the thing in the pamphlet you guys buy? I was like, yeah, I don't know.

22:53 Adam I got, I don't get that guy. I get Adam Carolla. That's the thing that's interesting about not being on a sitcom. The guy said, you look like Adam Carolla. Right, right. I hear it all the time. All right, so that's 70's show. Going strong, fifth season. And now into a syndication. And instead of being on the air half hour a week, you're on two and a half hours a week, right?

23:18 Caller That's right. My grandparents are very happy.

23:20 Drew I think we've had every cast member of your program except the mom.

23:25 Caller I don't know if Debra Jo would want to do Loveline.

23:28 Caller You've had Kurt Wood?

23:30 Caller Yes.

23:31 Caller Yes.

23:31 Drew He was great.

23:32 Caller That I would have loved to listen to.

23:33 Adam Yeah.

23:34 Caller He was excellent.

23:35 Adam Papa 70's show was in here eight months ago.

23:38 Drew I don't think it was that long. He was great.

23:39 Caller I think you guys should get Debra Jo. I think that would be kind of fun. It would be fun. You'd be surprised, but she's kind of feisty.

23:45 Adam Sexy lady?

23:46 Caller Yeah.

23:46 Adam Drew's a passionate man. We could get along great.

23:49 Oh, nice.

23:51 Adam Tom?

23:52 Yes, sir.

23:53 Adam You're 25?

23:54 Caller Yes, sir.

23:55 Adam What's up?

23:56 Caller My mother is an alcoholic. My wife's father is an alcoholic. Between the two of us, my wife and I, we don't split a six pack in a month. What's the probability of our children being alcoholics?

24:10 Drew If you really don't have the gene, which it's hard to say just because you don't drink, it's zero or got to approach zero anyway.

24:18 Adam Are you trying not to drink or is it just something you're not interested in?

24:22 Drew That's the question.

24:23 Caller It's just something I've never really done. I mean, I saw how it affected my mother.

24:27 Drew I understand people see that so they avoid alcohol, but then they smoke pot or they take Vicodin or they do something else.

24:33 Caller I've never touched a drug in my life.

24:35 Drew And how about your wife?

24:37 Caller She used to do a little pot when she was younger, but she hasn't touched it for the past three or four years.

24:42 Drew And nothing currently, nothing any substances, no Xanax, nothing at all. Okay.

24:46 Adam How about a little like gambling or porn addiction or something good like that?

24:51 Caller Well, everybody likes a little porn now and then.

24:53 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah.

24:53 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

24:56 Adam Yeah, number one receiver of oral sex. Three years running now, by the way.

25:00 Caller I wouldn't consider 10 times a day addiction in porn, so.

25:05 Adam What did you say?

25:05 Caller What was that?

25:06 Caller 10 times a week, you watched porn 10 times a day?

25:09 Adam I think he's making a joke. All right, Tom, your kids are gonna be fine.

25:12 Caller Great, I appreciate the help.

25:14 Adam All right, hey, good times. You have any kids yet?

25:16 Caller Not yet, but we're trying. My wife was actually just diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome.

25:22 Drew Good times?

25:23 Adam Yeah.

25:23 Caller So, it's been a little hard.

25:25 Drew Keep her weight down, make sure she exercises. You gotta watch out for diabetes later with that.

25:30 Caller Yeah, she's on, I believe.

25:32 Drew Glucophage.

25:33 Adam Glucophage?

25:34 Caller No, it starts with an A, I believe.

25:36 Drew Not what?

25:37 Adam Oh, wait a second.

25:37 Drew I'm putting them on hold. She's on what? Tom, she's on what?

25:42 Caller Yeah, she, it starts with an A, I believe.

25:46 Caller No, it's something.

25:47 Adam All right.

25:47 Caller Jesus Christ.

25:49 Caller I think I need the dictionary now.

25:50 Adam Who cares what she's on? She's on something, that's the important thing. Oh, I'm gonna raise my kids in a giant habit trail. Like, you know what I'm gonna do? If I have kids, I'm gonna convince them that they have one of those diseases where they can't be in contact with the outside world. The boy in the bubble. Like John Travolta. I'm gonna raise them in a giant habit trail and they'll have one of those balls they can roll around in.

26:15 Caller They can roll around like a hamster, but they can breathe through it. Yeah, no, of course.

26:18 Adam Filter the air.

26:19 Caller It'll make them so much better in life.

26:22 Adam They'll be great.

26:23 Drew No STDs.

26:24 Caller No, they'll be so safe and pure.

26:26 Adam No.

26:27 Caller I'd say they commit suicide by 14.

26:29 Adam No, they can't.

26:30 Caller They'll find a way, they'll plug you in.

26:32 Adam No shoelaces. No, nothing.

26:34 Caller Yeah, they'll pop the bubble and use the bubble as a little wrap around their head.

26:37 Drew They'll roll the bubble out of the freeway or the cliff or something.

26:40 Adam Put a tether on it and a stake in the lawn. Like corkscrew stake in the lawn. You know, it only has about 30 feet of rope on it so they can't get too far. You mean like if lightning hits the corkscrew. I'm going to make it out of an alloy that doesn't transmit electricity.

26:58 Caller Like a little beer fence and a collar and every time they walk in they get a shock.

27:00 Caller Like a little beer fence.

27:01 Adam Whatever it is, a kid will be fine.

27:02 Caller It can work.

27:03 Caller He'll be fine?

27:04 Adam He'll be fine. Take care of that kid. Alright, Clayton at 21.

27:08 Caller Hey, how you doing Adam? How you doing Drew?

27:10 Drew Hey, good.

27:12 Caller Hey, I wanted to ask the girl the question, what were your experiences with getting into acting and what would you recommend for me?

27:22 Drew For Clayton? You've been keeping track of his career of course.

27:25 Caller I thought we were going to help kids with sexual problems.

27:29 Caller Maybe he can have sex with the casting director.

27:30 Caller Yeah, that can work. Go have sex with a big producer. No, I'm kidding.

27:34 Drew Ferdinand, get the hell out of Bakersfield Clayton, right?

27:36 Caller Yeah, where are you from?

27:37 Caller Bakersfield, California. Moved to Los Angeles.

27:39 Adam No, no, no. Do we need Clayton running around here? Really? Is that we need him bringing us our iced tea? No. Stay in Bakersfield.

27:48 Caller No, we're here, here. Seriously, though, keep studying acting. That's my advice. Study it, study it, study it, and then sooner or later it will happen.

27:55 Adam Are you studying acting, Clayton?

27:57 Caller To an extent, it's just I, right now I'm stuck in a body shop job. I just can't get out of that crap. I need to, I don't know, I'm trying to make a future for myself, but there's just no openings up, you know?

28:08 Drew What do you mean make a future?

28:10 Caller I don't know, man. I've been, like, poor my whole life, and it's kind of like I just want to get out of this crap, dude.

28:15 Drew Maybe you can play Adam in the Adam Carolla story.

28:17 Caller So are you acting because you love acting? Are you acting because you think you'll make a lot of money and that's the only reason why you do it? Because it's a lot harder than just that.

28:26 Caller Yeah, yeah, you can't, because you won't probably end up making money when you start. You probably end up being in debt when you start.

28:32 Caller Oh, I understand that completely. I've actually helped on two sets that were actually out here in Bakerville, which is kind of funny, you know? And then I've seen the hard work that goes into it.

28:43 Adam What are you doing at the body shop?

28:46 Caller Right now I'm doing prep sanding and masking and then clean up after they come out of the paint booth.

28:52 Nice.

28:54 Adam You'll do a little wet sand action on that?

28:56 Caller Actually, that's the buffer's job.

28:58 Adam And I put the catalyst from the Bondo on my face once.

29:03 Caller The hardener?

29:04 Adam Yeah, the hardener. 90% benzo-aprox.

29:07 Caller Dude, that stuff is hot, man.

29:09 Adam Yeah, it's good. Works on this.

29:10 Drew It burns a hole in your face.

29:11 Adam Well, it gets rid of the zit. Hey, Clayton, listen. Start doing whatever you can do. You know, go down to see about the theater, the local theater, the classes, all that stuff.

29:22 Caller But do it because you want to.

29:23 Adam Because it's fun.

29:24 Caller Yeah, don't do it to make it fun.

29:25 Caller I mean, there's a lot of conversation. You just have to love doing it because it can, you know.

29:29 Caller And stick with it. I mean, it'll be hard.

29:31 Caller Yeah, just take some classes.

29:33 Adam Right. Don't don't move to LA though.

29:35 Caller Oh, understandable.

29:36 Adam All right, buddy.

29:36 Caller I don't want anyone else.

29:37 Adam Good times.

29:38 Caller You too, brother.

29:39 Caller All right.

29:41 Adam Yeah, you do it because you love it. That's right.

29:45 Drew That's why you do what you do, Adam.

29:47 Adam No, no, listen, I really made a conscious decision. I, carpentry sucked and I didn't get it. Man, I didn't make any money. And I used to listen to like morning radio when I was swinging a hammer. I'd be listening to like Mark and Brian or Rick Dees or something. I'd be like, how much are these homeless getting paid? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? These retards are getting two million dollars a year and I'm getting 25 grand a year. Oh, I got to do this. These guys are horrible. Yeah. Now look at me. Not making that much money. Yeah. Yeah. But if you combine my eight jobs, I'm still getting paid almost as much as Mark or Brian. Believe that. All right. Let's talk to Tiffany who's 18. Tiffany.

30:34 Caller Yeah. Hi, guys. I just had a few questions and comments about that 70 show.

30:39 Caller Okay.

30:40 Caller First, I want to ask Laura if Topher is a good kisser.

30:43 Caller Oh my God.

30:46 Caller Sure. Yeah. Well, we kiss so much. Mila's over here like cracking up. We kiss so much now on the show. We kiss so much on the show that now it's just like not even. We're just like, oh, we have to make out in the scene. All right, let's go. It's not even because we're such good friends that it's just like not even a big deal. That's cool. So we don't really think like this is a good kisser or this isn't a good kisser. We just kind of like we literally make out every week. So it's not even a big deal.

31:14 Adam Do you use your tongues?

31:15 Caller No. He tries to slip it in there. See what I'm saying? No, I'm just joking. But we're very professional and we're like best friends. So it's not even a big deal.

31:26 Caller Does he have a girlfriend?

31:29 Caller What do you think Mila?

31:30 Adam She killed her.

31:32 Caller Yeah. In a jealous rage. No, I don't think he does have a girlfriend right now.

31:37 Adam Does he ever get an erection when he's making out?

31:40 Caller I don't think so. No, cause when you're in front of the cameras with the audience, I think guys are too nervous to get an erection.

31:48 Adam What about porn movies? There's a camera there.

31:50 Caller Well, are there cameras when like a hundred people in the audience watching you?

31:54 Adam You could do one of those games, I guess.

31:56 Drew Well, you said you've been in a room where they're filming those porn movies. There's like 40 guys hanging out.

32:00 Adam Yeah, worse than a hundred guys. There's one guy in cutoffs with duct tape hanging from his belt who's talking. Oh, dude.

32:06 Caller Yeah.

32:08 Adam Ever.

32:09 Caller All right.

32:09 Adam All right, Tiffany. Good times, right? All right. Settle down, you two. You think this is a slumber party? Jesus Christ.

32:18 Caller I just have a few more comments. I just want to let everybody out there listening know that Laura and Mila and like the whole cast are really genuinely nice people. I've met you guys like twice. I saw the like the taping of the show.

32:29 Caller Thank you.

32:30 Caller Yeah. And Mila, you lied to me because I really wanted to meet Topher and he was like driving away. And I asked you if it was him and you're like, no, and it ended up being him.

32:39 Caller I tried to keep his life safe. I don't know. I didn't know, you know, what am I going to do? Go find him.

32:43 Adam Crazy broad following him home. No, you did the right thing.

32:47 Caller You know, I don't know. I apologize for lying to you.

32:50 Drew We have met most of the cast and they are really nice people, right? Fun and nice. Think about it.

32:55 Caller Thank you.

32:55 Adam Yeah.

32:56 Caller Well, if anyone starts getting a big head, we all just like we're like, that's not going to happen and that's not going to fly. So we're all really like keep each other in check. And that's why we still are really close.

33:06 Caller Well, I think it's because everybody started off really young and kind of non.

33:09 Caller Yeah, we didn't really know anything about the business.

33:12 Adam I don't know, though, that starting off young and doing it and you know, you've had success for four or five years now. You could be a holes by now.

33:19 Caller No, no, because we are by now, but we're not. Yeah, I'd like to think that's the point.

33:24 Adam Yeah.

33:24 Drew To compliment.

33:25 Caller Thank you.

33:26 Adam You should be. You should be a hole.

33:29 Caller Thank you. I apologize for not being asked.

33:32 Adam Drew, what keeps you grounded? Just your wretched self-esteem.

33:35 Drew My wretched self-esteem, my family system. No, no.

33:38 Adam Domineering mother.

33:40 Drew And my insanely busy schedule. Life.

33:47 Adam Tell you what keeps me grounded. My position for taking oral. I focus so much on my form.

33:55 Drew Well, knowing that you're the top of the heap, you're the one. Right. You're the one they're gunning for.

34:02 Adam The only way to stay on the top of that heap is to focus 24-7 on it.

34:06 Robert?

34:08 Adam Yeah. You're 20. Yeah.

34:09 Caller What's up?

34:10 Adam What's up?

34:11 Caller Well, it's like this, man.

34:13 Caller My girl's been out of town for five days and getting a little hot and horny, you know what I mean?

34:21 Drew Don't masturbate.

34:23 Caller Yeah.

34:23 Caller So, started experimenting with some different stuff and came across a bottle of her cocoa butter oil. And it seems to have burnt the hell out of the tip of my wing.

34:35 Drew Good times?

34:38 Caller So, I was wondering, you know, what I could do for that. Yeah.

34:41 Adam You know what she, she may have done, my old lady did that. She put a little, little drop of acid in all the creams in the house, including this one. Is this true? Yeah. Yeah. My mom did this, too. Yeah. But that's how my dad died, because she did it to the butter. Oh.

34:57 Drew Accidentally.

34:59 Adam Oh, God.

35:00 Drew She didn't think you actually might eat the butter.

35:01 Adam She found the cube in the room once, and it was still warm.

35:05 Caller Can't the guy put Aloe Vera lotion on it?

35:07 Caller What does some like banana boat or something like that?

35:10 Caller Is it burning?

35:12 Caller It's not burning. It just feels kind of weird. It don't feel right, but it's all wrinkly.

35:16 Caller Don't put any more cocoa butter on it.

35:18 Caller Yeah.

35:19 Adam Yeah.

35:20 Caller Get like some of that gel from like Rite Aid, the anti-burning itching.

35:24 Drew Yeah, you get some Coridate over the counter. That'll take care of it.

35:27 Adam Really? On your penis? Paper up.

35:31 Drew Penis look like a matchstick, but little. It's actually night at that point.

35:34 Caller Lower his advice.

35:36 Caller Yeah. Dip it in theroflu.

35:37 Caller It's only on the tip of it.

35:39 Adam You smoking a lot of weed there, Robert?

35:42 Caller I actually, I just quit.

35:44 Drew Yeah, yesterday.

35:45 Caller This morning.

35:46 Caller A few days, like five days ago.

35:47 Drew Five days ago. Good time.

35:48 Caller Why'd you quit?

35:49 Caller I got to get a drug test at a job.

35:51 Yep.

35:53 Drew That's not quitting. That's putting it on hold.

35:54 Caller Do you usually ask your friends to pee in a cup or something?

35:57 Caller What's that?

35:58 Caller No, nice Laura. Give me some advice.

36:01 Drew I'm not going to steal Tom.

36:02 Caller My voice is bad.

36:02 Caller It's actually, so I think it's pretty legit there.

36:06 Adam Where are you working? Where are you trying to get a gig?

36:09 Caller The post office.

36:10 Adam Really?

36:11 Caller They give drug tests at the post office now?

36:13 Caller Hold on.

36:13 Adam They don't hire white people, do they?

36:16 Caller What's that?

36:17 Drew Las Vegas.

36:18 Adam Oh, in Vegas?

36:19 Caller Yeah, in Vegas.

36:20 Adam I've never seen a white guy behind the counter at the post office, unless it's that sort of just crazy balding red haired guy with the pork chop sideburns, loner guy, super skinny and freaky with the beady eyes.

36:31 Caller Is that what you look like?

36:32 Adam Not now, but about 20 years of working at the post office. That's what it's going to look like. Here's what the post office has, morbidly obese black folk and then crazy skinny Ichabod Crane Irish guy with the pork chops and the bald head.

36:49 Caller Now you're going to get phone calls from people from the post office, that's not what I look like.

36:53 Adam Oh, is that what a black person sounds like? That wasn't an Irish man.

36:59 Caller That was an Irish man.

37:01 Adam Wow, Drew.

37:02 Drew My goodness, I'm insulted.

37:04 Adam Me too.

37:06 Drew I'm shocked at the insensitivity displayed by these young ladies.

37:09 Adam Yeah, I guess so.

37:10 Ladies, ladies, please.

37:13 Caller I was standing up for the post office.

37:15 Adam Such a being that thinks of all black.

37:17 Caller I hate the post office, so whatever.

37:19 Caller I love the post office.

37:21 Drew Goodness.

37:22 Caller No.

37:23 Adam Marianne?

37:23 Drew She really gets injections in her eyeball regularly.

37:26 Caller I do steroid injections.

37:27 Adam In your eyeball?

37:28 Drew Yes, you can show her where they inject it.

37:30 Adam The white stuff.

37:31 Caller It got better because you didn't see it when it was... Show them. This is a month.

37:36 Drew I had to look at this every day at work for like a week. Into the eyeball then.

37:41 Caller It's got...

37:43 Caller This is like a month into it. You get it done. I have to get it next November.

37:46 Drew That must feel off with the needle just going in.

37:47 Caller You know what? It's psychologically disturbing. It's not so much like, ow, it's painful. It's more like you're looking this way, so this eye sees the needle going in. They put so much numbing cream on it, that it's a pressure pain, not a pinching pain, but it's just watching the needle. I mean, listen, if anybody has a problem with anything medically, just go get it checked out, because that's where I learned, oh, it's just not good to let it dry out.

38:07 Adam When we were on the road in Syracuse, I gave Drew a shot in his eyeball.

38:11 Caller Remember that?

38:14 Adam Drew likes a little jizz humor.

38:16 Yeah.

38:17 Adam Remember that?

38:18 Drew Yeah, well, I'll never forget it.

38:19 Yeah, I told you.

38:20 Adam I said, leave the glasses on. I like the old doctor thing. He was like, please.

38:27 Drew I love seeing you enjoy. Yeah, the reception.

38:30 Adam Would you guys like to see my form one more time? I claim that I'm the number one receiver of oral sex in terms of form, that my decor, my etiquette could not be beat.

38:41 Caller But doesn't the girl need to know that you're enjoying it if you just lay there like, whatever? I have, you know, you need to, like, show something. Like, hey, that feels good or, you know.

38:51 Drew At the end, he shows something. That's where I got the shots.

38:55 Caller At the end, he lets out a little girl like, oh, okay.

38:57 Drew No, no. That's it. It's all in what's produced.

39:00 Right. Right. All right.

39:01 Adam You ready? We're ready. Here's my form.

39:03 Drew Action.

39:05 Caller Why, it seems to get better and better every time.

39:07 Caller Because I mean, it's good.

39:08 Drew Wait a minute. You promised you would not show that. Wait a minute.

39:13 Adam It's in the face. Not bad, right? Barely move.

39:16 Caller Nice.

39:16 Adam I don't do a lot of distracting like, yeah, yeah, no, yeah. I'm not a head grabber, not into that.

39:22 Caller You don't punch them in the head.

39:24 Adam No.

39:24 Caller You don't want to do the head grabber.

39:26 Caller That's not cool.

39:26 Adam No. Women don't like that.

39:28 Caller We got to show something.

39:29 Caller No, it's demeaning.

39:30 Caller No, it's demeaning.

39:31 Caller Women find it demeaning.

39:32 Caller Nice sound effects.

39:34 Caller That's right.

39:34 Adam Every once in a while when I think you've lost a little enthusiasm, I throw in, oh yeah.

39:41 Caller That just keeps going.

39:42 Caller That was just so sincere. I love you.

39:44 Caller That was great.

39:47 Caller You see Adam going, oh, yeah.

39:49 Caller Yeah, meanwhile, he's watching the football game. He's like, oh, yeah.

39:52 Caller The angels are on, honey. Turn on.

39:54 Drew Wouldn't be the football game.

39:55 Adam Once in a while, I toss in a-

39:58 Drew But he would be holding the football.

40:00 Caller Yes, exactly.

40:01 Caller Yes.

40:01 All right.

40:02 Adam The good times. We'll be right back after this.

40:05 Loveline, we'll be right back.

40:14 Adam Well, we're back with the folks from That 70s Show, namely Laura Prepon and Mila Kunis.

40:20 Drew Mila talks about her eyeball injections in the show, remember?

40:23 Yeah.

40:24 Adam Although we could have already heard that.

40:26 Drew I was saying, I'm remembering.

40:27 Adam Oh, yeah.

40:28 Drew She was remembering what that was like when she talked about her eyeball.

40:31 Adam Yeah. Getting a shot in her eyeball.

40:33 Drew She's one of our dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friends.

40:35 Adam Dear, dear, dear friend. And coming up a little bit later, we got a little Jane's addiction on the show.

40:41 Drew But right now, the cast of the 70s show.

40:45 Caller Derek?

40:46 Yeah.

40:47 Adam You're 16?

40:49 Caller Yeah, I'm 16.

40:49 Adam What's up?

40:50 Caller I just want to say that you guys are both. I wish everybody in the world was as law school as you two because then the world would be almost perfect. But anyway.

40:59 Caller Almost, but not quite.

41:01 Drew Logical, I think you said.

41:02 Adam Yeah. It came out like law school.

41:03 Caller Not just about. I mean, there's still a few idiots out there. But anyway, my problem is right after I masturbate, like for an hour or two, like any thought of sexual, anything sexual with a girl just disgusts me. And it just grosses me out and I don't know what the deal is.

41:21 Caller Disgusts him?

41:23 Caller Yeah.

41:23 Caller Maybe because you're tired afterwards and you don't want to have to deal with it. I don't know.

41:27 Adam It's like eating. You just eat.

41:28 Caller But he's 16 though.

41:30 Caller You don't want to think about it. I mean, unless he's interested in the opposite sex.

41:34 Caller Yeah, but if he's 16, shouldn't he, when he's done, be like turned on right again five minutes later?

41:38 Adam It seems like it.

41:39 Caller That's what I thought, yeah.

41:40 Drew Are you disgusted with everyone else or disgusted with yourself?

41:45 Caller Disgusted, like I can't think of anything sexual at all with a girl like myself.

41:49 Drew And then you sort of disgust yourself with the ideas of it?

41:53 Caller Yeah, kind of.

41:53 Drew You know what, you mentioned that feeling before.

41:57 Adam Now I disgust myself. Yeah.

42:00 Drew It's sort of a guilt for now.

42:01 Caller After he receives, after he's done.

42:03 Caller He's so professionally received.

42:04 Caller The number one receiver.

42:05 Adam Yeah, you guys want to see my checkbook?

42:08 Caller Yeah, there it is.

42:10 Adam Nice, huh?

42:11 Caller No trouble for me.

42:12 Adam Not at all. That's right, like a corpse. Studies are rocky. Cut a diamond on my forehead. I wouldn't move. Hey, Derek?

42:21 Drew To the other working partner.

42:22 Adam All right. No, couldn't poke a hole in a hole in a bread. Hey, Derek? Yeah. Yeah, who cares? You're fine. You don't like chicks for an hour?

42:37 Good.

42:37 Adam You just beat off and then then that hour comes up and you're ready to beat off again, right?

42:41 Yeah.

42:43 Caller Well, there's nothing psychological.

42:44 Drew No, you're fine.

42:45 Adam Well, if you're if you're vomiting and beating yourself with a slipper or something, that's one thing. Or if you have ambivalent feelings toward women sexually, maybe you're thinking about guys or something. That's all of you molested or something. Is there anything we need to know about?

43:02 Caller Now there's like I was molested when I was younger, but that's it.

43:07 Adam Wait a minute.

43:07 Drew Except for that.

43:08 Adam I'm wondering.

43:09 Drew Bogus?

43:10 Adam Yeah. Who molested you?

43:14 Caller My mom. I remember when I was about seven. Getting my first...

43:19 Adam It's perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

43:21 Drew Your mom did what?

43:22 Caller What did she do? After I had my first erection, I went in. I didn't know what was going on, you know, because I was scared. I thought something was wrong with me. Like most people could do. And one of the men asked her what was wrong, and she freaking felt it. And I was like, I didn't know any better. You know, I was little.

43:40 Drew What did she do?

43:43 Caller She just felt it, and I didn't know any better.

43:46 Drew Well, touching... I mean, that's sort of... I agree, a boundary violation, but she just touched it and went out with a...

43:51 Adam Well, listen, my buddy Chris took a towel and he wound it like a rat's tail, and he snapped his brother Ricky in the nuts with it. And his mom had to rub cream on it, you know? I mean, he whacked it. I mean, snapped it right on the sack. The kid was sick, he was screaming, you know, running around the house. It was great. It was great. We were like 13, but the point is to say, her mom, his mom touched, you know, him. It wasn't...

44:14 Caller But she like touched him or like...

44:15 Caller It wasn't even sex.

44:16 Caller Yeah, I mean, she had to have known what it was going on. And it wasn't like...

44:20 Drew Derek, I got a sense that there was already some disgust in you about sexual organs and girls and mom and stuff like that. I think those feelings are already kind of flying around.

44:31 Caller And there's no way I would have sex now.

44:33 Adam Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second.

44:35 Caller Now, what's wrong with his dad?

44:36 Adam Quiet down, Drew.

44:37 Drew With his dad?

44:39 Adam Would you quiet down and let me speak for a second? Something's wrong with this kid's brain. I don't know if this is bogus. I don't know if he just misinterpreted this. I don't know if there's more that his mom did and he's not letting on. So let me question him for a second. Derrick, what did your mother do besides touch it?

44:58 Caller I went in there. I had been in bed and I popped an erection and I went in there and I said, what's wrong with this? What is wrong with me? She goes, let me see. I pulled down my drawers and she felt it.

45:12 Adam What else? That's it.

45:13 Caller Like rubbed it or like touched it?

45:15 Caller Yeah, like rubbed it.

45:18 Adam He's bogus. This is bogus. First off, no seven-year-old gets a boner and goes, ask what's wrong with this? It makes sense. It sounds like you would do it. Nobody's ever done it. Would you remember it? You got two boys, Drew, they ever run in and ask you what's wrong with their dork? Are you high? Drew snapped the towel at it, right? No, they don't do that. And then he won't come clean with it. She touched it. She touched it. She touched it. You better come up with something. You're scared. You didn't know what's going on. Really? I don't believe you. And would you please tell me what your mom did? Other than touch it, what does that mean? Did she yank on it? Did she put it in her mouth? What did she do?

45:54 Caller No, she just felt it, like, felt it. I mean, that's the saddest part.

45:58 Adam Sexually? In a sexual way? Did she caress it?

46:00 Drew Or felt like she was examining it to see if something was wrong? You came in complaining about something wrong with your penis. She said, feel it. Look what's going on.

46:06 Adam Then what? Then what?

46:08 Caller Yeah, that could be, what Dr. Drew said, that could be, I guess that's what she was doing. I hope that's what she was doing. I hope she wouldn't do anything.

46:14 Caller Did it ever happen again? Or was it like one time?

46:16 Caller Um, no, it was just that one time.

46:19 Adam That's fine. That's not molested by your mother. You walking your little seven-year-old boner into the kitchen and asking her to look at it.

46:26 Drew No, I see.

46:26 Adam Something's wrong with there.

46:27 Drew I know. Disgust is an interesting emotion, okay? Disgust is not something, it's a very, very-

46:32 Adam It's not disgust.

46:32 Caller It's not disgust.

46:34 Drew It's a, I just know it's a very, very powerful emotion. It's not something that usually people experience after it's masturbated. I mean, disgust was flying around for him already. Something happened early on.

46:44 Adam Let me ask this. Is he angry? Is there something up with him? Thumbs up. Like, is his dad beat on him or something? Derek?

46:52 Caller Yeah.

46:52 Adam Are you an angry guy?

46:55 Caller No. The one thing that makes me angry is pregnant chicks at my school. They, like, we used to not have any. And then this year we had 13 and that really pissed me off. I don't know why.

47:04 Drew Now, where's your dad? Where's your dad?

47:05 Caller Okay.

47:05 Adam That's exactly what I was talking about.

47:07 Drew Where's your dad, Derek?

47:08 Caller What's that?

47:09 Drew Where's your dad?

47:10 Caller My dad lives with me. We have a good family life.

47:13 Adam He does.

47:14 Drew And you weren't adopted or anything yourself?

47:16 Caller No.

47:16 Adam Dad never beat on you or anything?

47:19 Caller No.

47:19 Drew No, this is a subtler thing. This is between him and my early...

47:22 Adam There's something weird. Something weird. You have strange feelings toward women, Derek.

47:25 Drew Yes. That's right.

47:27 Adam You're going to be one of these weirdo guys if you don't be too careful. So just relax, would you? Stop. Stop with the impulse. And beat off. Give yourself two hours before you're done being disgusted next time.

47:39 Caller You want to be ashamed of yourself.

47:41 Adam Mila and Laura are both here from That 70s Show Tuesday nights. Fox, at Fox we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:48 Caller All right, guys.

47:49 Caller Here's the deal. Looking to hook up?

47:51 Caller Call the Dateline. Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:53 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:54 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:56 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:57 Caller 1-877-889.

48:00 Caller Date.

48:02 If you need help.

48:04 Caller Call Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

48:12 Adam Hey, everybody. It's the best of the best of Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. And we keep on keeping on with a, now again, another nutty guest.

48:25 Drew How dare you?

48:25 Adam But no nutty all the way to the bank.

48:28 Drew So to speak.

48:28 Adam Nutty like a fox.

48:29 Drew Yeah, yeah.

48:30 Adam You know what I'm saying? Perry Farrell. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Steven Perkins is here along with Perry Farrell from Jane's Addiction. And do you get hit on a lot by managers and record wraps and stuff like that?

48:48 Best Of I have a weekly dumping of my CDs where I have my assistant just take all the CDs that are in my pockets and in my ears and in my suitcase and I bring it up to Aaron's Records.

48:59 Caller I was going to say out front, I just got two demos for the next year's Little Palooza Tour.

49:03 Adam Oh really?

49:04 Caller I don't think I...

49:05 Best Of But I listen to them first.

49:06 Adam You do. Well, if you shoot skeet, you can probably incorporate them.

49:10 Caller Yeah, you can shoot them.

49:13 Adam It always pisses me off when you go to the used record place and you see some records, some CD you like and it's like it's nine...

49:19 Best Of It says for Perry.

49:20 Adam Nine dollars.

49:23 Caller Well, it's funny because...

49:24 Adam And then you try to sell yours and they go, we can give you 80 cents or we can give you like a buck ten.

49:30 Caller We'll charge ten.

49:31 Adam Yeah. What is that? I mean, give me half the price you're going to ask for. I mean, like when you bring a used car in, you don't get 10,000 and they sell it for 80,000 dollars. You get 10,000 and they sell it for 13 grand, right?

49:44 Best Of Well, you know what I used to do? I used to autograph the records that I was handing in because I always need the money for junk. I figured if I autographed it, they'd give me more when they did.

49:55 Caller You see a lot of James and Porno records in those used stores because our fans had to trade them in for their drug use.

50:01 Best Of Oh, really?

50:01 Caller So that was the trade-off. They buy the records, they bring them back, it's, you know.

50:05 Adam Yeah, I guess it's sort of like a pawn shop.

50:08 Best Of Exactly.

50:09 Adam Sweet. That's nice.

50:10 Caller Sweet.

50:11 Adam All right.

50:12 Drew Do you feel bad for the people that hand you all the CDs?

50:15 Best Of No, no, no. As a matter of fact, to reiterate, that there's some groups out there that I couldn't fit on the on the bill.

50:23 Drew But I'm sure people give you CDs on the street, probably.

50:26 Best Of Well, they do. Yeah.

50:27 Drew I mean, my responsibility to listen to them.

50:30 Best Of No, no, no, because I was for them. I mean, I don't feel bad for them because I was once a kid doing the exact same thing and I would mail CDs to Iggy Pop and I never heard from him and I still love him. Of course. You know, but because you got to figure, you got to take your, you have to take your time and you have to take your place, you know, and there's a long line.

50:51 Drew So you'd encourage them to keep doing that. Heck yeah. Even though you're going to use them as frisbees and skeet.

50:56 Caller Well, sometimes you do, yeah, you hold on to one or two that you like and you keep, you know.

50:59 Best Of There it is. The deal is this, I do listen to them. I'll throw it on there just because I am interested to see what a cat will sound like. However, there's so many things that a person needs to do to build themself into this business amongst other things like getting a great management in place and paying your dues in clubs and playing for a number of years so people know who you are, recognize you and can spread, you know, a message about hey, you got to check them out. So just trying to, you know, kind of jump the fence, you know, you got to love a kid for trying. What do you got to love a kid for trying?

51:40 Adam All right. Let's take some calls. By the way, Stray's is the name of the new CD. Speaking of giving away all the CDs, I don't see it in here. We supposed to have one?

51:48 Caller Absolutely not. We're not giving it.

51:49 Best Of No.

51:49 Drew Not to us.

51:50 Adam We did that one where we do the Saw Notch in it, so you couldn't possibly sell it. But you know I'm talking about the weird notchy thing?

51:57 Drew It's Saw. Yeah.

51:58 Adam Tina.

52:00 Caller Hi.

52:00 Adam You're 18?

52:01 Caller Yeah.

52:01 Adam What's up?

52:03 Caller Hi.

52:03 Caller I just ended my period. And I feel something like hard inside of me. And I'm not sure if my tampon, because I don't remember. And like I try to take it out and it really, really hurts.

52:16 Caller And like I'm going to go to the gynecologist tomorrow.

52:19 Drew Good.

52:20 Caller I couldn't today, but I was wondering if I can get it stuck inside of me.

52:23 And I cannot feel the string at all.

52:25 Drew Well, believe it or not, there's a bunch of guys sitting around the table here, but the reality is that happens all the time.

52:31 Adam Really?

52:32 Drew And doctors have to fish stuff out. Very common. It's not a big deal.

52:35 Adam But I'm more curious about the part where she doesn't know. She can't remember if it's in there.

52:39 Drew You think you could keep track of that? Think about yourself.

52:41 Adam Have I had something on my ass? I'd know when it was in there.

52:43 Drew If you had to keep track of something.

52:44 Adam I don't have a vagina.

52:45 Drew Some hygiene you were dealing with.

52:46 Best Of I once had a crack pipe up my ass and I forgot about it. Really? And I'll vouch for it. So don't feel too bad, honey. And that's a true story.

52:53 Adam I think I hit off that.

52:57 Drew But there are a couple of things. One is if you get tonight get a fever and or rash, go to emergency room immediately because this kind of thing can predispose to toxic shock syndrome.

53:06 Adam Yeah.

53:07 Drew Number one. Number two, there is kind of a technique for trying to get this out. If you guys are prepared for that.

53:11 Adam I'd like to hear it. I was picturing Perry farting and killing someone with a hash pipe screen.

53:16 Caller I'll vouch for that.

53:18 Adam But it was a crack pipe.

53:19 Best Of It was a crack pipe.

53:20 Adam Pardon me.

53:20 Drew It was shards of glass. What are you talking about? Fire it out.

53:24 Best Of Very dangerous. But let's hear how to get this out.

53:26 Adam Compress air, I'm guessing.

53:28 Drew If you squat down and then sort of reach in with, push down and sort of reach in with your hand, some with maybe with two fingers if you can do that. Sometimes you can kind of scoop out of there. Okay? Give that a shot. And if, you know, don't do anything, if it hurts, lay back, just don't, you're going in tomorrow.

53:44 Adam Can you see? Can you see, you can't, even if, I had a car, I had a car bunkle dangerously close to where Perry stashed his crack pipe and I couldn't see it. You know, like you can't really see it. Yeah, I can't see it. But I did this thing where I put my feet up on this glass mirror, this wardrobe mirror, and then I bounced the flashlight off the glass and into my ass and I could see it perfectly. It's how they got light into the pyramids.

54:12 Drew Danny got a robotic arm and started doing surgery on it.

54:14 Adam It worked. But the point is, can't a woman use my same flashlight mirror technique?

54:21 Drew No.

54:22 Adam Nothing? Can't see up there? I'll try it.

54:25 Drew Good luck. Good luck, Tina.

54:25 Best Of Good luck.

54:26 Adam You want to know what I thought was a cute idea and it could actually work for people like Tina is that the tampon string gets lost or breaks off or gets caught up. It's kind of more, the strings like cotton can get more.

54:37 Drew You had a brilliant idea for this. You've got a new idea.

54:39 Adam Novelty things that you hang off the string, like one of my animal tales was a rat tail. You know what I mean? They totally like freak a guy out.

54:47 Drew Like cat tail.

54:49 Adam Just bizarre, just a decorative like lamp things.

54:51 Best Of I mean, just like a rabbit and cookie thing.

54:54 Caller A rabbit's foot.

54:55 Caller Yeah.

54:55 Best Of You can read while they're down there.

54:57 Adam Or different like maybe.

54:59 Caller Some people can read and drive at the same time.

55:02 Adam Tassel. Graduation tassel. Perhaps if you have a charity like AIDS or something like that, you'll hang their breast cancer, you hang the appropriate ribbon color off there. Peas. Yes, for the Jewish girls. Yeah, this would be great. This is not bad.

55:17 Drew Adam, this is the best idea you've ever had.

55:19 Adam Comes in a gift pack with the rat's tail and the peas and all that stuff. Then you just clip it on to your existing thing. It sets you apart. Women are always looking for a sense of style, individuality. This is how they do it. Start there.

55:32 Drew Yeah. They always claim to have a good sense of humor.

55:34 Adam Right.

55:35 Drew There's a chance to really establish that.

55:37 Adam I'm just thinking, like if you were drunk and the chick got naked and you just saw the rat's tail hanging out, how freaked would you be? Drew, you get one of those for your daughter.

55:46 Caller That is a great way for, you know, well, I guess, prevention of any kind of sexual advance.

55:50 Drew Absolutely. I am giving my daughter these. You're right.

55:54 Daniel?

55:55 Hey.

55:56 Adam You're 15?

55:57 Caller Yeah.

55:57 Adam What's up?

55:59 Caller I just wanted to know what the best way to ask a girl out was.

56:03 Caller What do you think, Perry?

56:05 Adam You have any ideas on this?

56:06 Just do it!

56:07 Adam Just do it?

56:07 Best Of Let's see.

56:08 Caller Well, Perry, they think they ask you out, don't they?

56:11 Best Of Well, they have. Yes, they have. But I will tell you the best approach is, kid, walk up to them as a gentleman and have confidence and have courage because I think that men and women will follow a man with courage. So that's your best bet. That's your best shot.

56:30 Adam Yeah, if you seem sort of skittish, they're going to... Drew, what are you doing? Can't get your mic back on?

56:36 Caller Yeah, he's taking notes on what Perry's given.

56:38 Adam If you seem sort of skittish, they're not going to, they're not going to pay any heed to you. I think I fixed that.

56:44 Caller Confidence.

56:45 Adam Yeah, who are you asking?

56:47 Best Of Courage. What?

56:50 Caller I'm asking the girl.

56:51 Best Of Okay, let's make believe she's here.

56:52 Adam That's right.

56:53 Best Of Let's start off.

56:54 Adam Perry, you be the girl.

56:55 Best Of Okay.

56:56 Adam All right. What's her name?

56:58 Caller Her name is Tasha.

56:59 Adam Tasha.

56:59 Caller Okay.

57:00 Adam All right. Go ahead.

57:01 Caller Okay.

57:02 Adam Where are you? At school, Daniel?

57:04 Caller Yeah.

57:04 Drew When you're going to ask her out, you're going to go to her school.

57:06 Best Of I'm writing on my book and I'm drawing some flowers.

57:08 Drew She's a peachy folder.

57:10 Caller Okay.

57:12 Caller Tasha, I've liked you for a while.

57:14 Drew I want to- No.

57:17 Adam That's the bum rush. Yeah. That's not courage.

57:19 Best Of You know what? I was drawing some flowers. I heard this voice over my shoulder and then there he was. And he just started giving me his love speech.

57:27 Drew Yeah. Don't give her what you're feeling about her. Just-

57:30 Best Of A little humor, too.

57:31 Caller And a little mystery. A little mystery.

57:33 Best Of You know, a lot of guys that aren't that good-looking get girls just on their humor alone. Yeah. So little humor goes a long way.

57:39 Adam Go ahead, Daniel. Try it again.

57:41 Best Of Try tickling her. Tickle her.

57:42 Drew Show her the rat tail.

57:44 Best Of Daniel, give her a little tickle under the arm. So she'll giggle and turn around and look up. And there you are. What are you going to say? Hey, gorgeous. What's going on, right?

57:52 Caller Ha ha. It's going to be straightforward but humorous at the same time. Yeah.

57:57 Best Of But you know what? Make the thing relaxing. Because what you're doing is you're giving this woman, on your word, she's going for a ride through the life of Daniel and she wants to enjoy the ride with you.

58:12 Adam In Daniel's mom's car, by the way.

58:14 Best Of She doesn't want to have a ride that's going to be, you know, compressing her and repressing her. She wants to have a ride that's delightful and fun and titillating.

58:24 Caller In the Lincoln Continental.

58:25 Best Of She's sharing life, the ride of life of Daniel's life. You get it?

58:29 Adam All right, Daniel. Let's try it one more time.

58:31 Caller Take all that and give it your best shot.

58:33 Adam You ready? And action.

58:35 Caller Okay, so I tickle you under the arm.

58:38 Best Of Right.

58:38 Caller And you giggle.

58:39 Best Of That's right.

58:40 Adam Well, hold on.

58:41 Drew Giggle.

58:42 Best Of Daniel, what are you doing?

58:43 Caller Go ahead.

58:45 Drew He's never spoked her before, mind you.

58:47 Adam Drew, shut up. You're bumming Daniel's groove. No, go ahead, Daniel.

58:50 Best Of Hi, Daniel.

58:51 Caller Hey, beautiful. How you doing?

58:53 Best Of Oh, thank you. You are on your way, Daniel.

58:56 Caller Keep going.

58:57 Best Of I like you. I mean, I'm just joining. What are you doing?

59:02 Caller You know, I was just talking to you.

59:04 Best Of Nice. Oh, that's better. Daniel's about three years old. So you think I'm beautiful?

59:07 Caller Yeah, I do.

59:08 Caller I wanted to know if you wanted to be my girlfriend. No, no, no, no, no.

59:12 Drew Daniel, bad move.

59:13 Caller Bad move.

59:15 Drew No, no, you wanted to spend a little time with her.

59:17 Best Of First tell her that you think braces are gorgeous and pigtails too. You're on, you're on, because when you tell a girl she's gorgeous, that's a rating of 80 to start with. So you need 20 more percent of smoothness, relax. It's just like sex, Daniel, when you one day when you'll have it, you never want to rush in and quick finish too quick. It's all about pacing because women are long paced creatures. You got it?

59:47 Adam Yeah. Daniel, everything's fine with your form except for the part where you want to go steady, be the girlfriend too early, or telling you how you've been feeling about her for a long time. You just, you got to pretend like here's what you have to do. I'm putting them on hold. He can still hear us. Yes. When you ask a girl out, they don't want to know that you've been thinking about it for the last month and a half. They want you to think that you've been walking down the hall thinking about something else. You spotted them and decided to ask them out. Spontaneous. So when you hit them with all that stored up energy, like I've been staring at you in my homeroom for six years, and I've already beat off to you 17,000 times.

1:00:25 Caller This doesn't hold water.

1:00:26 Adam Then you just hit them with the bum rush and it freaks them out. You got to go that, oh, hey, by the way, I sort of never noticed you before, but I'm good.

1:00:34 Drew It's the Persian cat thing again.

1:00:36 Best Of And Daniel, you know, all those things that you want to tell her, you can tell her with your eyes, but not with your mouth. So you can look at her right in the eye and say, you know, I want to have been going out with you for six years. But then what you can say is, how you doing, gorgeous?

1:00:51 Caller And don't forget the eyebrows.

1:00:53 Adam Yeah, you got to move them.

1:00:54 Caller Use the brows.

1:00:54 Adam Use them frantically.

1:00:55 Best Of Yeah, because you'll then, because you don't want to go to get into it too quick because she might shut you down and it'll hurt your feelings. Check her out, see her reactions, you know, then you'll have a much better gauge if she wants to go out with you.

1:01:08 Adam Yeah, there we go.

1:01:09 Caller Good luck with you and Daniel and Tasha.

1:01:11 Adam Brandi, I like, what I used to do in high schools, I would, you know how, you know, whenever you bend over your sunglasses, fall out of your chest pocket there, I would just put a huge sack of cocaine in a hundred dollar bills with a tight-up and a twist tie and I would just bend over and just have that stuff fall out.

1:01:28 Caller The high school days, yeah.

1:01:29 Adam Yeah, that's what I do.

1:01:32 Caller That was good.

1:01:32 Adam Brandi, oh, they love, well, this is the 80s, you know. Brandi, Brandi, you're 19. What's up?

1:01:40 Caller Yeah, I had a question about sex.

1:01:44 Adam Sex?

1:01:45 Caller All right, this is the place.

1:01:46 Caller That's right. Okay, well, I have a boyfriend and recently we've been trying a new position. Well, actually, I've only slept with them once, but in the night I slept with them. We tried a new position and I got on top of them. And every time I like straddle them or well, I was straddling them, but every time I like stroke them and went down, it was like I felt a popping.

1:02:15 Drew You broke his penis.

1:02:16 Adam That was his penis popping?

1:02:19 Caller No, because we tried another position after and it still worked, so it wasn't broke.

1:02:25 Best Of Is it a popping from moisture or is it a popping from an internal cracking?

1:02:33 Caller It was like a cracking, but it was up in my abdomen.

1:02:36 Drew Oh, there's two possibilities.

1:02:38 Adam Was it coming from him or coming from you?

1:02:40 Drew Or could you tell? You sure?

1:02:42 Caller Yeah, it was inside my body and like he couldn't feel it, he couldn't hear it or anything and it didn't hurt me, but it was just kind of weird and uncomfortable.

1:02:51 Drew Well, you probably just were flipping your uterus or hitting the round ligament. That's nothing. You also can crack his penis. There's a ligament there that holds the penis up that will crack. Adam, you can do that.

1:03:02 Adam I can do that, but not multiple times.

1:03:05 Caller You're double cracking joining the penis.

1:03:08 Adam Those days are behind me, but I can get the one in in the morning sometimes. If I push it down hard enough at that morning wood, it's usually when I'm trying to launch a ball of tube socks toward the hamper. It's a little game I play. But it will get one good crack. You guys know what I mean? One good crack.

1:03:24 Drew Where's that do-yo-yo-ing sound from Madison?

1:03:26 Adam But not multiple cracks. Where is it? She's just, she's just, what's she doing? Flipping her uterus?

1:03:31 Caller Yeah, she held it up there.

1:03:32 Drew There, that's the one.

1:03:33 Caller Well, it could be.

1:03:35 Drew I gotta put the pictures up.

1:03:36 Caller Is it tilted? Or, I heard that before.

1:03:38 Adam The tilted uterus. Drew's gonna pick, he'll pull out the, yeah.

1:03:41 Caller He's taking out the anatomy book.

1:03:42 Adam Yeah, I don't wanna see it by the way, Joe.

1:03:44 Drew I know, Adam, it's very delicate sensibility.

1:03:47 Adam Randy, that's never happened to you before?

1:03:49 Drew So, here we go, guys. Hold on, gentlemen, hold on a second. So, when she's going in here and it hits this and it kind of flips, it'll flip, it'll move. So, it hits, flips, hits, flips.

1:03:59 Best Of Okay.

1:04:00 Drew Sort of straightens it out.

1:04:00 Caller So, the position you're in is letting your body open up to the point where it flips your breast.

1:04:04 Best Of Does it hurt? Is it hurting you? Are you discouraged?

1:04:09 Caller No, I'm not.

1:04:09 Best Of Oh, cool, there you go.

1:04:10 Caller It's weird, you know, it's like I didn't know if I was just like gonna burst or.

1:04:14 Drew No, no, you're not gonna break.

1:04:15 Best Of Why don't you put on loud music?

1:04:17 Caller Yeah.

1:04:17 Caller Yeah, and then you won't hear it anymore. It's fine.

1:04:19 Adam It's fine.

1:04:21 Caller Be careful. I suggest be careful in that position.

1:04:24 Best Of I would too.

1:04:24 Caller But continue having sex with the boy.

1:04:26 Best Of Are you a dainty gal? Are you a small gal?

1:04:29 Caller Yeah.

1:04:30 Caller I've got small hips and that and well, he was actually very large.

1:04:35 Caller Very, very large.

1:04:37 Drew Well, there it is. What's nice about that? Oh, a woman getting hurt by a penis. Nice.

1:04:44 Adam It's just it's funner to watch heavyweights fight than flyweights. You know, it's just something more exciting about that haymaker. You know, I don't know. I just I wish that I could do some damage to my penis.

1:04:54 Drew I see. Right.

1:04:55 Adam I guess I could take out like I could detach a retina or something if I got a running start. But, you know, I like these these stories where the women say, you know, the guy's penis essentially became like a crowbar, you know, like really doing. It's a weapon, you know.

1:05:09 Caller It's like a spinning top, a whip.

1:05:10 Adam My fantasy for my penis would be, you know, once when I see the porn movie where the guy's got a full handful at the base and still plenty enough to use, you know, he's sort of at that at that point, it becomes an instrument. You know what I mean? As opposed to sort of obscuring it with your hand, where you really can grab onto it and sort of aim it.

1:05:29 Caller Few of us have a weapon in our hands.

1:05:30 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:05:31 Caller There was a time in the early days of me and Perry when we just wore towels for about a year as the whole band. And we always got to notice or check if we were, like you said, holding and crowbarring and double-jointed and all that.

1:05:45 Adam So you got a pretty good idea.

1:05:46 Caller We got to know each other. Yeah.

1:05:47 Adam Yeah. A lot of people think this is gay, but I could definitely recognize my best friends by their penis. I mean, if they stuck them through a hole in the piece of plywood and line them all up.

1:05:58 Drew Like they did for you during many encounters.

1:06:01 Adam True. How dare you? I could go run around and put names to each penis, and I think I could get them right. Yeah. Nice.

1:06:08 Drew Yeah. Would you sort of, would you post it on either?

1:06:10 Adam True, it goes by taste.

1:06:11 Drew Hang it, hang it.

1:06:12 Adam How dare you? Yeah, I would hang it on the erect penis. I think we'd just use velcro and put it over the penis. But we could possibly hang it on the penis.

1:06:18 Caller Maybe it's time for the next question.

1:06:19 Adam Not gay. Not gay, right?

1:06:21 Drew We gotta take a break. He's gay.

1:06:23 Adam No, that's super straight.

1:06:24 Drew Yeah, ultra straight. Ultra straight. Comes around the other side, becomes gay eventually.

1:06:28 Adam So comfortable with my heterosexuality that I could actually announce that. He can blow a guy and swallow. That's how comfortable I am. That's good. All right. Jane's Addiction in the studio tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. 1-800-LOVE-191 Loveline will be right back. Well, what do you know? It's the best of the best of the best of the best of Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, and we're back with...

1:07:02 Drew One of our favorite bands.

1:07:04 Adam Yeah, hey, this is a great live band. Foo Fighters. Yeah.

1:07:07 Drew Dave Grohl specifically, whose girlfriend lived across the street from you.

1:07:11 Adam Sort of, yes.

1:07:11 Drew And as I recall, nearby in your neighborhood, as I recall, you...

1:07:14 Adam No, his sister lived across the street from me.

1:07:16 Drew And his, as you called, floozy girlfriend was flopping there or something, yes?

1:07:20 Adam Well, yes, Mr. Alliteration. She, here's what happened. I, well, I don't want, I don't, I, I, should I explain the whole story or not?

1:07:29 Drew No, if you tell it, you tell it. It comes up.

1:07:31 Adam All right, all right. So just listen and see if you can hear me squirming. Loveline, Fast-Growing Outlaw Radio, North America. Drew, this close to dropping Trout.

1:07:45 Drew No, you're wild, man.

1:07:47 Adam I'll drop Trout.

1:07:48 Drew This guy's wild. I'm telling you.

1:07:49 Adam I'll do anything, man. I'm out of control, man.

1:07:51 Caller What happened? Way to who and what?

1:07:53 Adam David Crispo, they're foo fighters, man. These kids can rock, man. These guys are hot, hot, hot. They're the good friends of mine, too.

1:08:01 Caller Very good friends.

1:08:02 Adam We're gonna party Friday night, boy. I may drop Trout Friday night. Look out. I'll do it, Drew. Tell him I'll do it. All right.

1:08:11 Drew I can't even go with you.

1:08:12 Adam We're trying to simulate a little radio every once in a while on this show.

1:08:15 Caller It's like Midwest morning radio.

1:08:17 Adam Pretty much. Well, yeah, who decided that stuff was good at 6.45, too? Like you're pissed at the world. You got snot in your eyes and you got some guy going, Drop Trout. What's that, Drew?

1:08:31 Drew The cowbell.

1:08:32 Adam Oh, my cowbell. Yeah. I'll dust that off a little later in the show. Foo Fighters here tonight. Chris and Dave. We got to play another Foo Fighters song. The producer, Ann, yelled at me during the year.

1:08:43 Caller Oh, you got in trouble. I've been trying to book this band for eight years.

1:08:51 Caller Whatever.

1:08:54 Adam We don't always play two songs for every band that comes in here, do we?

1:08:57 Caller Yeah, I'm like, we're going to come back anyway.

1:08:59 Adam Yeah, they're not coming back.

1:09:00 Caller Exactly. Don't worry about it. It's Dave.

1:09:01 Adam Dave thought the show was 20 minutes. He found out it was two hours.

1:09:05 Caller That's it. I still got a bone to pick with you, my friend.

1:09:08 Adam Oh, yeah. I don't know what it is.

1:09:09 Caller Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, here's the deal. Acoustic Christmas, 2001, 2002.

1:09:19 Adam Yeah. I don't remember what it was.

1:09:21 Caller Played the Acoustic Christmas. Was there with my girlfriend, Jordan. Afterwards, went back to my sister's house, where I was staying at the time.

1:09:36 Adam Tired from rocking the house, right? Tired, when you blow the lid off a joint, you get tired, you gotta get some rest.

1:09:43 Caller I go get some rest.

1:09:45 Drew I'm not in the valley anywhere, though.

1:09:46 Adam Keep going, Dave, keep going, buddy.

1:09:48 Caller It's not far from Adam's party house? That's the party house.

1:09:52 Adam That's the party house.

1:09:53 Drew No one lives there.

1:09:54 Caller Exactly.

1:09:55 Adam Sister lives next door to the party house.

1:09:57 Caller So, the next morning, Adam comes by, good neighbor, knocks on the door, and Jordan answers the door.

1:10:06 Adam That's right. Lovely fiance.

1:10:08 Caller I think maybe I was gone.

1:10:11 Adam I think you were asleep.

1:10:12 Caller Was I asleep?

1:10:12 Adam Yes.

1:10:13 Caller Sister was gone. Yeah. It was no big whoop. And then about two weeks later, our drummer Taylor was on the show, and my girlfriend and I, Jordan, were excited to hear Taylor on Loveline. And you mentioned that you came over to the house.

1:10:31 Adam Came by the house.

1:10:32 Caller And some floozy opened the door. Floozy. That was the word you... I mean, my girlfriend and I were listening at the time.

1:10:41 Adam That must have been very hurtful.

1:10:42 Caller It was pretty bad. It was bad. Like, I was thinking of ways to get back at you for that.

1:10:49 Adam Well, okay. First off, I was bringing over a basket.

1:10:53 Drew Of what?

1:10:54 Adam Of a fruit. A fruit basket over here.

1:10:56 Caller Did you really have a fruit basket?

1:10:57 Adam No, I didn't have a fruit basket.

1:10:59 Caller You totally did not.

1:11:00 Adam I want to probably borrow some money or something.

1:11:02 Caller I think you were offering, like, carpentry to my sister or something like that.

1:11:06 Adam Yes. Yes. Dave's sister said she just bought a house. It was next door. She had some stuff she wanted done on it. And I told her I'd come by and take a look-see around the following morning.

1:11:16 Caller Oh. Yeah.

1:11:17 Drew You were offering services.

1:11:19 Adam Yeah. But now I didn't realize that Jordan at the time was your girlfriend. Oh, yes. And I thought it was like one of those rock star things, you know? You bring home a beautiful blonde woman in every town you're in. So I was a little confused. It was a compliment. I thought, you know, this is what you do when you're on the road.

1:11:38 Drew You should hear her calls my wife.

1:11:39 Adam But, well, she deserves it. Oh, yeah, but but floozy to me was like a term of endearment, you know, like like darling.

1:11:48 Caller Sure about that.

1:11:49 Drew Lovely.

1:11:49 Caller You sure? Well, you'll wonder why it took two years to get us in the studio.

1:11:54 Adam It was like it, you know, it, you know, first off, I, you know, radio, you have to be you have to choose your words. You know what I'm saying? You have to paint a picture for people.

1:12:04 Caller Evidently.

1:12:05 Drew Sorry. Sorry. He's really pissed. You got to be careful.

1:12:08 Adam I got to wait, right? You got me?

1:12:09 Drew I got you.

1:12:10 Caller Well, then the other night at the Jimmy Kimmel Show.

1:12:12 Adam Right.

1:12:12 Caller Right. We see each other.

1:12:14 Adam That's right.

1:12:15 Caller And, uh.

1:12:16 Drew And Jordan was there.

1:12:17 Caller But you brought it up.

1:12:19 Drew He's actually, I'll get his back on this. He has mentioned how badly he felt about this. On more than one occasion.

1:12:26 Caller And, but then, but see, then you, you said like, it's okay. You can insult my wife.

1:12:30 Drew Which she did.

1:12:31 Adam Right.

1:12:31 Caller And I said, you know, but I don't hate women as you do.

1:12:36 Drew Well, it's, it's not that. It's like, it's like how a little kid deals with it. If you hurt him, you go, here, hit me, hit me now.

1:12:42 Adam Well, hit my wife. Come on, Drew.

1:12:45 Caller So did you, did you apologize to Jordan? Did you?

1:12:48 Adam Yeah. I'm pretty sure I did.

1:12:50 Caller You might want to do that now. Cause I know she's listening.

1:12:52 Adam Is she listening?

1:12:53 Caller She's a public apology.

1:12:54 Adam You stinking whore.

1:12:55 Drew A chance to finally put this to rest.

1:12:57 Caller Watch it, Mr. Addison, whatever the hell your name is.

1:12:59 Drew Anderson. Let's put this to rest once and for all. Gentlemen, let's put this to rest.

1:13:04 Adam No, come on.

1:13:06 Caller No, screw the Foo-Finder stuff.

1:13:09 Drew There we go. Adam, this is it. Let's put this to rest.

1:13:11 Adam Jordan, this is Adam Carolla coming to you from Radioland. I'm sorry, sweetness. I did not mean to insult you that way. And if it came across as offensive or insulting, and I feel bad that this has to be done on Passover, you know? But I truly do apologize.

1:13:31 Drew You wanted to save it for Yom Kippur.

1:13:33 Adam I'll see you at the concert Friday night. And again, if you want to attack my wife, little cat fight, winner take all kind of thing, that would be, I would find it appropriate. Again, look forward to seeing you. And bring me some brisket. That's very nice.

1:13:51 Drew And you didn't mean to suggest that your fiancée, Dave, would bring home a floozy.

1:13:56 Adam No.

1:13:56 Drew Even if it weren't somebody that he knew, you wouldn't ever imply that he would be the kind of person that would do that.

1:14:01 Adam This was all just a horrible, horrible misunderstanding.

1:14:05 Drew And it was you being flipping with Taylor here and just goofing around.

1:14:07 Adam I was just screwing around with Taylor. You know, he's like a young rock and roll kid. I was trying to speak in language he could understand. Also, I was heading over there to give a carpentry assessment of your sister's house. That was very nice. I got some credit there.

1:14:22 Drew But you can still do that, you know.

1:14:24 Adam I can. I'm scared to go over there, though. Where is your sister?

1:14:27 Caller She's water under the bridge.

1:14:28 Adam Is she home?

1:14:29 Caller She is, but she's got a 9-to-5 job, so you've got to get there after.

1:14:32 Adam We'll talk, because I'll go over there, give the place a good eyeball, and I'll maybe throw an estimate her way. All right. That's all behind us now. That's the good news.

1:14:41 Caller That was very sweet.

1:14:42 Adam Thank you.

1:14:42 Caller Thank you.

1:14:43 Adam No, thank you, Dave.

1:14:44 Caller No, really.

1:14:45 Adam Thanks a lot, though.

1:14:47 Caller Okay.

1:14:48 Adam Is this Maeve?

1:14:50 Yeah.

1:14:50 Adam You're 30?

1:14:51 Caller Uh-huh.

1:14:52 Caller What's up?

1:14:52 Drew Is Maeve short for something?

1:14:53 Caller No, that's it, Maeve.

1:14:55 Caller What's up?

1:14:56 Caller Two questions, two-part question. One is, what do you guys really think about going down a woman? And two, being in between relationships right now and, of course, being at my sexual peak, going without orgasms during the week, that's not really an option. So I masturbate all the time. And so what I'm curious about for the doctor is that if I do, if I'm that active, would my sensitivity need something more, more intense than a man can offer, you know, later on?

1:15:24 Drew Are you using a vibrator?

1:15:26 Caller Sometimes, yeah.

1:15:27 Drew Are you using something that could desensitize you?

1:15:30 Caller Well, that's what I'm curious about.

1:15:32 Drew Yeah. Are you using something that could desensitize you?

1:15:33 Caller You're not using like a meat tenderizer or anything like that.

1:15:36 Drew Are you noticing a lack of-

1:15:37 Caller I need to try that next. I don't know.

1:15:38 Drew Are you noticing that you're becoming desensitized?

1:15:41 Caller Well, I don't know, but, well, it's intense. It's good.

1:15:46 Drew Are you noticing-

1:15:47 Caller It's more intense than a man.

1:15:48 Adam Maverick is nuts.

1:15:49 Drew Yeah.

1:15:49 Adam You're a little nutty, right?

1:15:51 Caller I don't think I'm nutty. I don't know.

1:15:53 Adam Yeah? I think you are. So you're between relationships right now?

1:15:59 Caller Why is that?

1:16:00 Caller Because I just got out of a really long term relationship.

1:16:04 Adam All right. And are you dating now?

1:16:07 Caller No, not yet. Not ready.

1:16:08 Adam Not ready? Okay.

1:16:10 Drew You're fat.

1:16:11 Adam Drew, please.

1:16:12 Drew That's not a crazy plan.

1:16:14 Adam Okay.

1:16:14 Drew Wait a little time.

1:16:15 Adam All right.

1:16:16 Drew Listen, you're fine. It's not like you're going to use up all your orgasms or desensitize yourself. And you can always bring these techniques in with your boyfriend, right?

1:16:24 Caller Yeah, I suppose I could.

1:16:25 Drew Yeah, there you go.

1:16:26 Caller All right.

1:16:27 Caller And so what do you guys think? Seems a little salty to me. What do you guys really think about going down, though?

1:16:31 Caller It's great. Nothing wrong with that.

1:16:33 Adam Did she say salty?

1:16:35 Caller Yeah.

1:16:35 Drew Are you lesbian?

1:16:36 Caller No, I'm not lesbian.

1:16:37 Drew Well, you're asking what a guy...

1:16:39 Caller Yeah. Yeah, I want to know, because the taste doesn't seem terribly appealing to me.

1:16:43 Adam Well, listen, you're not going down there because you're hungry. You're going down there because you want a blowjob. I mean, because it feels good for the lady.

1:16:50 Caller Whatever.

1:16:52 Adam We all have our different motivations. All right. Yeah, it's fine. We don't have to... Look, guys put stuff in their mouths all the time that don't exactly taste good, you know, cigars and certain...

1:17:05 Drew Cheeses and ports and things.

1:17:06 Adam Yeah, there's stuff. Let me explain something. When you get older, you start putting stuff in your mouth that doesn't taste good, but it is good. You know what I mean? The cigar doesn't taste good. Cigarettes don't taste good.

1:17:19 Drew But it's so bad, it's good.

1:17:20 Adam Yeah. There's certain, certain liquors that aren't so great. And malt liquor doesn't taste great. Coney, everything tastes like hell, but you learn to enjoy. You learn to appreciate it.

1:17:30 Caller Cheeses and ports.

1:17:34 Adam Sounds like a, like a new dog food. Cheeses and ports.

1:17:38 Caller Cheeses and ports.

1:17:40 Adam Maeve was nuts, though. All right, let's keep moving forward here. I don't want to, is Rosa wants to ask?

1:17:46 Caller Just take it.

1:17:47 Adam Rosa.

1:17:47 Caller Hi, Adam.

1:17:48 Adam Hi.

1:17:49 Caller Hi, I saw the show tonight, and you said something about the Raft Girl, you know, the Raft Box.

1:17:56 Adam Yeah, the Dawson's Creek thing.

1:17:57 Caller Yeah, and I heard you talking about it on the radio like a while ago. And I wanted to know like how much of the show, how much of what you said did you write?

1:18:04 Adam Well, we didn't really write anything, but we made up a lot of it along the way.

1:18:08 Drew Whatever they would tolerate.

1:18:10 Adam Oh, they would tolerate most of it.

1:18:11 Drew No, no, but I mean, we were constantly trying to get off the script and they go down on certain things and go back, go back, go back.

1:18:17 Adam Yeah, but not much. They seemed kind of happy.

1:18:20 Drew Yeah, they were pretty open to Adam moving around.

1:18:22 Caller Yeah.

1:18:23 Adam Most of the stuff. The stuff you liked, I did, and the stuff you didn't like, they wrote.

1:18:27 Caller All right? All right, thank you.

1:18:28 Caller All right. Real fast. Derek?

1:18:32 Caller Yeah.

1:18:33 Adam You're 19?

1:18:33 Caller Yeah.

1:18:34 Adam What's up?

1:18:35 Caller A friend of mine, it was embarrassing for him. He was wearing tight jeans. I live in Alaska, by the way. He was wearing really tight jeans, and he frostbite at the end of his dork.

1:18:45 Caller Nice.

1:18:47 Caller He wants me to ask you guys what would be the effects of that because he says it's numb, and whenever he gets it up, it hurts and stuff.

1:18:55 Drew Oh, my goodness. Yeah, it could be a chronic problem of pain with erections and difficulty having orgasm and difficulty hypersensitivity.

1:19:01 Adam What happens if your toe gets frostbitten? You got cut it off, right?

1:19:04 Drew Yeah, you probably sloughed a little bit of the tip there, I'm sure.

1:19:08 Adam Really?

1:19:08 Drew Yeah, but the real problem is you damage the nerves, and the nerves can then become over-sensitive and painful.

1:19:14 Adam How does he know he had frostbite on his penis?

1:19:17 Drew Big black spot there on the tip.

1:19:19 Caller He said it was discolored and he has no feeling in it anymore.

1:19:21 Adam Did he go to the doctor?

1:19:23 Caller No. And that's from wearing tight pants in the snow?

1:19:25 Drew In Alaska?

1:19:27 Caller He had tight jeans on and it was really, really cold one day, and he just, I don't know, he was just too close to the edge of the jeans.

1:19:33 Drew Froze his dork to his jeans.

1:19:35 Adam Really? Like licking a flagpole?

1:19:37 Drew There you go.

1:19:38 Caller Oh, by the way, I want to say to the food fires, you guys frickin rock.

1:19:43 Drew It's the only on Loveline you get compliments after.

1:19:46 Adam Oh, by the way.

1:19:48 Drew Yeah, and that for the dork frostbite.

1:19:50 Caller It'll last you anytime.

1:19:52 Caller Well, not if our dicks are going to get frozen to our tight jeans.

1:19:55 Adam Yeah, and these guys wear nothing but tight jeans.

1:19:58 Caller I'm sure you're sparring my friend now.

1:20:00 Caller Yeah, we'll make it up there soon.

1:20:02 Caller Okay, cool.

1:20:03 Caller All right, Derek.

1:20:04 Drew Good times.

1:20:05 Adam I don't know if he was really concerned about his friend or the food fires. All right, we'll take a little break. Food fires here. We'll be right back after this.

1:20:13 Caller If you need help, call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:20:20 Adam Well, that was uncomfortable. Thank, holy Christ, that's over.

1:20:24 Drew He got a little mad. He got a little heated, too, if you recall.

1:20:26 Adam Yeah, passionate man, Dave Grohl.

1:20:28 Caller Oh, yes.

1:20:30 Adam All right, and also coming up, we have Joshua Jackson. Oh, yeah, Joshua Jackson.

1:20:36 Drew We were in North Carolina.

1:20:37 Adam That's right. We were doing Dawson's Creek.

1:20:39 Drew You were pissed.

1:20:41 Adam Well, you know why? Because we were, because of the time difference, we're having to do the show till like 3 a.m. Yeah. And then we're having these early 830 calls in which we did nothing for the first two hours. And I was cranky.

1:20:53 Drew Right. So we broke broadcast 3 a.m. And what I want you all to remember is that after this particular broadcast that night with Joshua, he actually was directing us on the movie on the show. Did a good job. Adam had a like 6 a.m. pickup who didn't show up.

1:21:06 Adam Oh, that one.

1:21:07 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:21:07 Adam Yeah.

1:21:08 Drew Another one.

1:21:08 Adam Yeah, it was awesome. Then I called the cab. Then the cab showed up when the person showed up late. And I had to pay the cab driver because we call cab at 530 in the morning. The guy shows up. What are you going to do? You got to give him 20 bucks, right? All right. Oh, Drew, don't take me back to that place. So please, everyone from the best of the best of the best of Loveline, enjoy little Joshua Jackson. Everybody is Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew out here in North Carolina. It's the Dawson Creek Week. Josh Jackson is our guest tonight of Dawson's Creek. And he moved from in front of the camera to behind the camera, actually next to the camera for his directorial debut this week with us. And we were tickled pink. We had a delightful time with Josh. And then we went to work. Total pro. So Mazel Tov, as you say in Canada.

1:22:06 Drew Here's Alexis, 17.

1:22:08 Adam Alexis?

1:22:09 Hey.

1:22:10 Drew Also from the Pacific Northwest.

1:22:12 Excellent. Where are you from, Alexis?

1:22:13 Caller Portland, Oregon.

1:22:14 Portland? Yeah. What a beautiful city. The Bridge City. Isn't that what they call Portland?

1:22:18 Caller What?

1:22:19 The Bridge City? Because all the bridge is in and out. Sorry.

1:22:21 Caller I'll let that go.

1:22:22 Anyway.

1:22:22 Caller Sure. Why not? I just wanted to say that I was like really obsessed with you in eighth grade and...

1:22:28 With me?

1:22:29 Caller Yeah. Season three was like really awesome and I watched pretty hardcore with some of my friends.

1:22:36 I think that's a thank you, but then I'm guessing that... Something to follow. Yeah.

1:22:40 Caller I don't know. I just... I got a life and stopped watching the show, but...

1:22:43 Yeah. I was about to say I knew there was a punchline in here somewhere.

1:22:46 Adam And a life.

1:22:47 Well, let me thank you. Three years ago, self.

1:22:51 Caller No, the show was really awesome. If I still had time, I'd watch it, but you know.

1:22:56 Drew Well, now Josh is creating the show.

1:22:58 Exactly. And it's brilliant.

1:22:59 Adam That's right.

1:23:00 Caller Wait. I also had a question.

1:23:03 Caller Good times.

1:23:08 Adam Let me say about Alexis. She said she got a life. It sounds like she grew boobs, really, and now she's in the driver's seat, right? You're a good-looking girl, Alexis.

1:23:19 Caller Bonesy, bonesy.

1:23:21 Caller Yes. I'm all right. I have a boyfriend, so you know, I can change it.

1:23:24 Adam You sound hot. You sound like someone who knows. They got a commodity.

1:23:29 Let's separate the two things. You're hot, but the boyfriend thing doesn't make you hot. So two things going together. But anyway, that's pet peeve.

1:23:36 Caller Yeah. So my mom read my journal a few weeks ago, and she lied about it to me, and I confronted her because I found out about it.

1:23:45 Drew How did you find out about it?

1:23:47 Hold on a second. Just for my own ego here. You got time to write in the journal, but not watch an hour of television every week? Thanks, Alexis.

1:23:53 Adam She got a life. Okay. So how did you catch her?

1:23:57 Caller Well, I kind of figured she was doing it, so there's like a clasp on it, so I set it up in a way that I would remember it. So I came back the next day and everything was totally messed up. I just figured out and I confronted her and she was like, well, yeah, but you know, you've been pushing me to do it and like all this stuff. And so I don't really know what to do.

1:24:19 Adam Well, what was in the journal? Anything incriminating?

1:24:23 Caller Pretty much everything that I've ever done with my boyfriend, who I've been going out with for like a year and a half. So that's everything.

1:24:31 Drew What is that impulse?

1:24:32 Adam Dear Diary, not enamored with Josh Jackson anymore. Got a life. No longer watch Dawson's Crane.

1:24:43 My fall from grace has been a hard one. Hey, how open is your relationship with your mom?

1:24:48 Caller Well, not very. Now it's, I guess it's a little bit more open, but only because she forced it to be.

1:24:56 Adam Is your dad not around?

1:24:57 Caller No, he's around all the time. I have a way better relationship with him than my mom.

1:25:04 Adam Alexis, Alexis sounds like a little bit of a ball buster. Yeah. Have you been told that before?

1:25:11 Caller Not really, no.

1:25:13 Adam Yeah. Well, I'm telling you now. Other people have been too scared to tell you, but she's a little bit of a ball buster, because if you think about it, well, first, the whole like, I got a life thing at the beginning of the call, and then secondly, like I went and confronted mom, like most people would say, they would get on the defensive. I'm on the dog house. Oh, Christ, mom read my entry when I went to the prom and man, whatever. So you sound like, almost like I, you have some anger toward your mom. I mean, not only from this, but just in general. Would you say that's accurate?

1:25:45 Caller Well, I don't know, maybe, just, this is kind of the thing that really set me off, though. I was just so ridiculously pissed that I had to tell her, because I couldn't really, just let her get away with that. But I don't, I haven't had many more.

1:26:00 You could have been boiling up before that. This was the straw that broke the camel's back, right?

1:26:04 Drew Yeah, but that whole, that whole line of reasoning, I couldn't let my mother get away with something. That's not typical 17-year-old thinking.

1:26:11 Caller I should send you to my mom's house for a week. We could fix all this.

1:26:14 Adam What was the worst thing that you think she may have read in there?

1:26:18 Caller Definitely, there were like various entries about like sex and stuff and like drug usage and just basically everything.

1:26:29 Drew And by the way, I don't think any of us are condoning what your mom did. I think your sort of written private expressions to yourself should be kept private. But she's trying to do the parenting job. You have been sort of out of control, it sounds like. She can't seem to set limits with you. You're setting limits with her. There's sort of a role reversal of some type going on here.

1:26:51 Adam Well, here's the point. And first off, see, women, they're not smart enough for this stuff, but a guy, if he found out that mom was reading the diary, would have put in some damage control.

1:27:02 Caller Help the old lady across the street today, put in, I love my mom.

1:27:04 Adam Found Jesus on the way to school, realized that I had some indiscretions in the past, but that's behind me now that I have the relationship with Jesus Christ. And then the third one would say, F you, Mom, in big letters.

1:27:19 Drew But I get the real sense that she kind of wanted mom to see this stuff. Set it up, booby trap it, let it happen, let it rest, enforce the compensation.

1:27:26 Adam But here's the thing. There's some energy between you and mom. It's sort of a push in the sense that she invaded your privacy. On the other hand, you did some drugs and had some sex. So let's just call this one even. And it sounds like you're almost at this stage, you're 17, you're a senior in high school.

1:27:47 Caller Right?

1:27:49 Adam You're what? You're a junior. That's a little different. I know you're not planning on going off to college anytime soon, I guess.

1:27:57 Caller Well, I mean, in a year, but I guess it's not that soon.

1:28:01 Adam How about you do this with your mom? How about you say, look, you found some stuff in there you weren't too happy about and I'll give you that. I wasn't too happy about you invading my privacy. I'll make you a deal. How about I'll stop doing that stuff you didn't like, you stop reading my diary, and let's try to get along for another year and a half before I go to college.

1:28:24 Caller Yeah. Just to clear it up, like drug thing is like weed three times, so it's not out of control.

1:28:30 Adam All right. Your mom's a little intrusive, but ultimately, she doesn't have it in for you.

1:28:37 Drew Right.

1:28:37 Adam I mean, I think this is the message that needs to be sent to a lot of these kids, that the parent is trying to protect their kid. And maybe this isn't the best way to go about it, but it's sort of...

1:28:48 Drew It's all she could do.

1:28:49 Adam They're worried, yeah. So that's the way she showed it.

1:28:53 Drew Christy, 19.

1:28:54 Caller Yeah.

1:28:54 Adam Oh, that Alexa sound like a bitch. God damn.

1:28:58 Drew Christy.

1:28:59 Caller Hello.

1:29:00 Drew Yeah, what's going on?

1:29:01 Caller Yeah, my boyfriend just had appendicitis, and he had to get his appendix taken out.

1:29:07 Caller And he says now that like he can't get horny.

1:29:13 Drew Well, when was he in surgery? Yesterday?

1:29:16 Caller No, it was like a month or two ago.

1:29:19 Drew Two months ago?

1:29:20 Caller Yeah.

1:29:21 Caller I don't know if he's lying to me or-

1:29:23 Drew Is he still on medication?

1:29:25 Caller No.

1:29:26 Drew No meds.

1:29:27 Caller But he has been smoking a lot of weed lately.

1:29:30 Drew Well, that'll cut it out. I mean, that'll knock his sex drive way down.

1:29:34 Adam And he was hot and horny before the appendicitis?

1:29:37 Caller Yeah.

1:29:39 Drew It doesn't make sense. There's nothing about the appendicitis at two months that should be really bugging him. I mean, yeah, it could go for six weeks or so, I suppose. But two months seems- was it complicated? Was he in the hospital for a long time? Did he rupture his appendix?

1:29:52 Caller No, he was in the hospital for like three days. And there's a pretty nasty scar, but-

1:29:57 Caller I was about to say, maybe he's just a little- I have friends- you know, you get surgery and you're just a little sketchy about all touching for a while afterwards.

1:30:03 Drew Yeah, but in two months, it's a pretty long time for a 19-year-old. But the pot and all may be what's doing it more than the surgery.

1:30:09 Adam Yeah, that would probably- why don't you see if you can cut back on that and see what it does for him.

1:30:14 Drew Exactly. Joanne, 17.

1:30:16 Caller Yeah, hi.

1:30:17 Caller Hi, Adam. Hi, Drew.

1:30:18 Drew Hey. Joanne.

1:30:19 Caller Hey, my question is for Joshua Jackson.

1:30:23 Caller Well, first I want to say that, you know, I've seen him in a lot of his movies and everything, and I just wanted to say that Pacey, his role for Pacey fits perfectly.

1:30:31 Caller And my question, well, I actually have two questions.

1:30:34 Caller My first one is, what kept you on the show for so long?

1:30:37 Caller A contract. A contract. Yeah. It's a job. You're contracted for as long, for generally six to seven years. So I'm here honoring the contract.

1:30:50 Caller So you wouldn't really do it if it wasn't for the contract?

1:30:53 Caller No, no, no. When I got this job, I was 18 years old, unemployed and broke. So he put me in that situation again and told me that six years later I'd be here. I would absolutely jump at this opportunity. I'm just saying that the reason I've stuck with it for so long is because the contract is what it is and you honor the show and you honor the fact that I signed a peace favor that said I would be here for this long.

1:31:16 Adam Well, there's that sort of part where, and this happens with everyone's career, I mean, hopefully, where it doesn't happen with ours yet, but there's that part where they're doing you a favor by putting you on the air and that goes on for a couple of seasons and then there's this sort of part where you're doing them a favor by staying on the air and to me that six-year mark is probably right about you guys are square now.

1:31:44 Caller Yeah, they go hand in hand, absolutely. I couldn't agree more. And there's also the Catch-22. I think a lot of people get into it. You know, this show when it first came out was a pretty big sensation and Kenny was on the cover of Rolling Stone and blah blah blah. And people forget really quickly that the Catch-22 is they're only talking, you know, the only reason that the interest is there is because of the show. So when people want to leave and jump off and go and do other things, I think they're really forgetting what it is that got them there in the first place. Right. So that's why I'm still here.

1:32:14 Drew This is Chris 18.

1:32:16 Caller Yeah. I was wondering, you know, I just listened to that chick who was mad because her mom read her diary. And I was just, you know, I don't get what girl's obsession with keeping a diary is. Do you have any clue?

1:32:30 Adam It's really, it's like a criminal videotaping is crime. It's retarded.

1:32:35 Caller Yeah. I don't think any guy gets this. We need a female in the audience to explain this.

1:32:39 Adam Well, if you're going to write a book one day, I mean, if you're, you know, if you're Anne Frank or something, you know, if you're just a smoking weed in Portland and banging your teenage boyfriend, no need to document that. We've got a pretty good idea. That's what you're up to. I mean, if you know, if you're trapped on some desert island or you're running from the Nazis, keep a diary by all means. I mean, the world needs to share this experience. But you just sort of sitting home, you want, you know, here's a guy's diary. We just close our eyes and start beating off thinking about someone we nailed in high school.

1:33:11 Drew Close your eyes.

1:33:13 Adam I close one eye. The other one I keep on my penis. I don't trust it. I don't want it to hop in my mouth like it did one time. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. It did it once.

1:33:23 Caller Where was that today when the improv? Where was that?

1:33:26 Adam I don't know.

1:33:27 Caller I didn't give the proper leading question.

1:33:28 Adam You got my B material. Oh, we're hearing some static.

1:33:32 Drew Let's take commercial break.

1:33:33 Caller Do you guys have a Twitter B in there?

1:33:35 Adam Yeah, let's do that. Josh Jackson here from Dawson's Creek, and we'll be right back after this.

1:33:41 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

1:33:43 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:46 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:48 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:49 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:34:19 Adam Wow, thank God this is over earth to Drew. It's the best of the best of the best of Loveline, but of course the best part of Loveline is when it ends. Yes, Drew?

1:34:28 Drew No, no, the best part is when we actually, when this is airing because we're not here.

1:34:34 Adam That's right.

1:34:34 Drew That's the best part.

1:34:35 Caller All right.

1:34:35 Adam So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew, saying mahalo.

1:34:42 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:34:44 Caller Loveline.

1:34:47 Caller The things expressed in the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station.

1:34:54 Caller The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:34:56 Caller Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, December 26, 2004