Episode 1000670908000

1:27 Adam The best of Loveline. Who do we have on tonight's show, Drew?

1:30 Drew Coldplay, Snoop.

1:32 Oh, wow.

1:33 Drew The famous Jimmy Kimmel, as you all know.

1:34 Oh, yes, he does.

1:35 Adam Jimmy Kimmel.

1:36 Drew Yes, your male lover. Your life partner, excuse you. Eminem, Jim Belushi.

1:40 Wow.

1:41 Drew Big show. Best of the best.

1:42 Adam I belched up a little girl.

1:45 Drew It's just gonna hit you in a second. Jimmy's name comes up and gasp begins.

1:48 Adam That's right, that's right. Come out of my eyes if it has to. All right, so let's get started with a band that I really enjoyed. And these guys are good and they're from England and they're not snobs. They're good guys and I had to explain to them, I think, about some of our customs from our friends south of the border. So enjoy a little Coldplay. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Drew. Jonathan and Chris are both in here tonight from Coldplay. The new album, Rush of Blood to the Head is coming out. No, it's good.

2:18 Best Of It's getting boring.

2:19 Adam It's good. And don't you guys play any weekend gigs?

2:22 Best Of No, because we work in the week.

2:24 Adam Yeah, I got to work this out.

2:26 Best Of We played yesterday, though. That was the weekend. Yeah. Yeah.

2:29 Adam It was.

2:30 Best Of We always work, man.

2:31 Adam Well, yesterday was Monday, wasn't it? What day is it, Drew? All right, John? Yeah. You're 18?

2:36 Caller Hey, what's going on?

2:37 Adam What's up?

2:37 Caller Nothing much. First, I just want to say to the guys in Coldplay, I love the guitar sound you guys get in your albums, man, especially on your new single. I think it's really great. Thanks a lot, man. Thanks. Anyway, Drew, I've been using this cream that I bought in this adult store, kind of as a joke at first, but it numbs the penis, you know what I mean?

2:57 Drew Right.

2:57 Caller So when you're having sex, you can last longer, it's called like Delay Cream.

3:00 Drew Does it work?

3:01 Caller Yeah, it does.

3:03 Drew It's hard for me to believe that, but...

3:04 Adam But maybe it's a placebo effect.

3:07 Drew Maybe. What's in it?

3:08 Oh, no, it works.

3:09 Drew What's in it?

3:11 Caller I can't tell you the active ingredient, but I know it's water-based. It doesn't list the ingredients on here.

3:15 Drew It doesn't list the ingredients. It's probably a xylocaine gel of some type.

3:18 Caller Okay.

3:18 Adam Well, is that legal? I mean, you can buy the xylocaine gel. It means like stuff you put on your tooth.

3:23 Drew Yeah, I mean, there are topical creams you can use now that numb skin up, but the reason I have sort of doubts about it is that it's not just the skin that's stimulated during sex.

3:34 Adam But he's looking for an edge. You know what I mean? He's looking for an extra few minutes. Three or four extra pumps.

3:41 Caller My friend was telling me that it's probably not a good idea since I'm only 18 or that it may even like stunt my penis. I don't know.

3:48 Drew Stunt penis.

3:49 Adam No, your penis was done growing three years ago. I got bad news for it.

3:53 Drew 21 is actually when guys finish.

3:54 Adam But unless my penis did not make a move between 18 and 21.

3:58 Drew John's done. Be that as it may. Unless I know what's in the cream, I can't really tell you whether that's good.

4:04 Adam Well, what if he eats the cream? Wouldn't that work that much better?

4:07 Drew No, I don't think so.

4:08 Adam What about the cream? Is it safe to use with condoms?

4:13 Drew We said it was water-based. So yeah.

4:15 Caller Right.

4:15 Adam All right.

4:15 Drew Are you using it with a condom?

4:17 Caller Yes. Well, it would numb the girl, so I guess I would, you know.

4:20 Drew But maybe the condom is why you're having the delay.

4:26 Caller When I go in there, I honestly can't feel it.

4:31 Best Of It doesn't take away the enjoyment, though.

4:33 Caller Well, yeah, I know, but...

4:35 Adam Chris makes a valid point...

4:36 Caller .pleasuring her, too, you know?

4:37 Drew Yeah. John's take on it. It was so... I'm so... I like this guy.

4:42 Adam And then what if John uses the numbing cream, the chick decides to give him a BJ instead, and then she walked around all day like she went to the dentist? You know, she can't do that.

4:53 That'll be $50.

4:55 Drew Were you not, John, were you not using a condom before you used this cream?

4:59 Caller No, I've... well, I've never had sex without a condom anyway, so...

5:02 That's thanks to your show.

5:04 Drew I'm not sure... Good. I'm not sure if you're answering the question, though.

5:06 Caller Oh, I'm sorry.

5:07 Drew It is... since using the cream, did you start using a condom or have you always been using the cream with the condom?

5:14 Caller No, no, no, no, no. No, I've been... I just started using the cream.

5:17 Drew So you've always been using the condom and you added the cream and it's helped?

5:21 Caller Yeah. All right.

5:21 Drew Okay.

5:22 Caller But, hey, Adam, real quick.

5:23 Drew Yeah.

5:24 Caller I just want to say that I've been a fan of the show since, like, I've been in sixth grade. I just graduated from high school. And I'm actually leaving for Georgetown University in, like, three days.

5:33 Drew Cool.

5:35 Caller So you don't always have stupid callers. And I promise you, once I get into, like, a position of political power, I will fight for you guys and make sure the morning after pill comes with every condom.

5:44 Drew God bless you. John, I was just at Georgetown a couple weeks ago. We were on in Washington, DC as you can see.

5:49 Caller Oh, great. Great.

5:50 Adam I'd also like you to work on the time differential between us and the East Coast.

5:54 Drew When he's in power. When he's in power, yeah.

5:56 Caller I'll be working for you, Adam.

5:58 Adam So it gets dark at noon.

5:59 Drew John could be one of your staffers. Yeah. You're perfect. Yeah.

6:02 Adam You could rub some of that cream on my staff. Thanks, John.

6:05 What song has he listened to in the background?

6:07 Adam I think he was listening to like Mariah Carey or something.

6:11 Best Of I thought it was Joe Crow.

6:12 Drew John?

6:12 Best Of I thought he was in St. Clamposy.

6:14 Drew What's the song playing in the background? Oh, no.

6:16 Caller My dad's a musician. He's recording an album below us. He has a studio in our house.

6:20 Best Of He's not Bob Dylan, is he? I'm sorry? Who is he?

6:23 Drew Who's your father?

6:24 Caller I can tell you all fair, but not on there.

6:26 Why?

6:27 Adam Is it someone we know?

6:28 Caller Not really. If you let me come down to the studio, I'll tell you.

6:31 Best Of Michael Bolton.

6:32 No.

6:33 Adam What's she doing? Is she covering a song down there? Is that original?

6:36 Caller No, it's original.

6:37 Adam Nice. Cool. You got a dad who's got a studio, a musician, you probably still hate him, right?

6:42 Caller No, no, I love my dad.

6:43 Adam Okay, good.

6:44 Drew He's going off to Georgetown.

6:45 Adam All right. Hi, buddy. I'm jealous. Thanks. All right. He's got a penis that works. Found some cream for it to numb it up.

6:53 Best Of Some of these people who are ringing in with problems don't really seem to have problems.

6:56 Drew That's right.

6:57 Adam That's more an endorsement. They're just showing off some of the numbing cream. It was a great endorsement. It's like, hey, I'm in a woman. I don't even know it. Hey, that's great.

7:06 Drew I can't feel anything.

7:07 Best Of Yeah.

7:07 Adam You take a few Quaaludes, you can pass out. Someone can rape you. It's great.

7:14 Drew Yeah.

7:14 Best Of You didn't even know you were there.

7:16 Adam Right. Yeah. You rub some of that on your face. You don't know you're going down on a woman. It's great. It's great stuff, Drew. Jeff?

7:24 Caller Hello.

7:24 You're 31?

7:26 Caller Yeah.

7:26 Adam What's up?

7:27 Caller Hey. Question for everybody, but mainly Dr. Drew. I am a recovering drug addict alcoholic. My sobriety date is June 14th of 1993, and I have ADD.

7:40 Drew So does pretty much every addict.

7:42 Caller Yeah.

7:43 Drew That's part of having addiction. Those genes overlap. And the problem is when you have ADD and addiction, the treatment have to be different.

7:52 Adam Okay.

7:52 Drew Have to be different. Why? Because mostly the people will be advocating the use of stimulants, and addicts absolutely categorically, under no circumstances, should be exposed to stimulants.

8:02 Adam So like if you have ADD, they give you Ritalin, right?

8:05 Drew Or something like that.

8:06 Adam But if you're an addict, they shouldn't give you that Ritalin.

8:08 Drew Not after the age of 18. In fact, before the age of 18, they can, and it works quite well. But something happens during the development of the brain that makes it really quite different after 18. What's ADD? Attention deficit disorder. Oh, okay.

8:19 Adam So, Jeff?

8:20 Caller Yeah.

8:21 Adam So, now the question is what?

8:23 Caller Well, basically, I was prescribed Adderall, which is a pain relief.

8:27 Drew That's a no-no for you.

8:28 Adam Because it's speed?

8:29 Drew It's a speed-like. It's not as bad and doesn't trigger an addiction immediately, but it will kindle your disease. Your disease will resurface biologically by the stimulation caused by that drug.

8:40 Adam Jeff, can I have your Adderall? I mean, what are you going to do? Give it to one of your goofball friends or have it expire in your medicine cabinet? Why don't you send it over here?

8:49 Drew Did you relapse?

8:50 Caller Yeah, I did. I gave it to my wife. Basically, I abused the Adderall. I double dosed. I felt guilty. I gave it to my wife and we flushed it, but I could have made the drug.

8:58 Adam Oh, that breaks my heart.

8:59 Drew You really should. You really should flush drugs. Unfortunately, I'm sure it would be worth your while to take a new sobriety date and take a newcomer check.

9:07 Oh, no. Yeah.

9:09 Adam You got prescribed a little something and now you got to reset the sobriety clock.

9:13 Drew He's not coming to be ashamed of it. Just his biology has been re-triggered.

9:16 Adam He has to pick a new date, though. I mean, he's got like nine years under his belt.

9:22 Drew It's a rigorous program of honesty. If you're really going to be truly honest.

9:25 Adam Yeah. No. That doesn't count.

9:27 Drew It doesn't count, but to be completely honest, that's the way you should do it. But listen, a lot of this happens and always be careful of well-meaning caretakers. Well, Butrin is okay. Clonidine is okay. Certain other antidepressants would be okay, but not the stimulants.

9:43 Caller Okay, I'm on effectsor right now.

9:45 Drew That's fine.

9:46 Caller Is there anything else that you would recommend?

9:48 Drew Well, again, well, Butrin, Well, Butrin, in terms of getting off the speed?

9:53 Caller Well, that or just, I mean, what kind do you take care of myself besides getting enough rest, eating right, having a schedule, any other kind of medication?

10:00 Drew You're talking for about dealing with your ADD?

10:02 Caller For the ADD, yeah.

10:04 Drew I would say if you're having a lot of symptoms, you need to see a psychiatrist who's used to dealing with addicts, so you don't get biologically off track. And it may be time, nine years, ten years, those could be tough years for people in recovery. Maybe it's time to get a therapist and really see what psychologically might be sort of boiling up right now.

10:22 Adam What about NyQuil? Are you allowed to do NyQuil?

10:24 Drew Alcohol. Sorry, Adam.

10:27 Best Of Is it just me or is it...

10:28 Adam No way am I doing that.

10:29 Best Of Is there a lot more problem with, I don't know, John, like depression and people having prescription tablets over here than we have?

10:36 Drew Probably.

10:38 Best Of I've never heard of any of these drugs ever.

10:40 Adam You guys have grown accustomed to your depression. It's part of life. Here we won't accept it.

10:45 Best Of No, but seriously, do you not think it's gone a bit crazy?

10:50 Adam I think like anything there's an abuse side and an over prescribed side. And from what I've learned from sitting here for a number of years, the drugs do work in many applications, but there's always some case of them being prescribed or they shouldn't be prescribed. And then that sort of leads to a discussion and then people want to get away from them. I guess if you just stood back and looked at them overall, they do more good than harm. Would you say that, Drew?

11:20 Drew Overall.

11:21 Adam So if it's if it's seventy five percent good and twenty five percent bad, then I guess it's that way with explosives. It's that way with cars. You know what I mean? Some could argue it's that way with guns or build up of military.

11:38 Drew I mean, it's that way with everything that works. We need relief and gratification. And now that's sort of our culture.

11:47 Best Of I'm not having a go. I'm just it's just it's just because I've never heard of them.

11:50 Adam Yeah, I think I don't know, Drew, do you have those meetings? Do they figure out what's going on around the world with these things? I mean, we got to be the world leader in this stuff, right?

12:00 Drew I've never been in a meeting that discussed that.

12:03 Adam But I wonder who's second? We know the United States is number one and probably by a long shot, I mean by a wide margin, but you think England's number two?

12:13 Drew I don't know.

12:14 Adam Canada?

12:15 Drew I don't know.

12:16 Adam Mexico sounds pretty good. Mexico, you get whatever you want at the corner. It's great. Go get Quaaludes, tequila. Just go get anything over there. I like that society. It's like it's one big it's like one it's a country that's like continuously throwing a bachelor party. It really is.

12:33 Best Of That's true. My best friend met the Buffalo cheerleaders there.

12:38 Adam In Mexico?

12:38 Best Of In Mexico, yeah. And he had and he certainly had a bachelor party.

12:43 Adam Yeah, it's great. It's one big party over there. I mean, I guess you guys got the red light district over there in Europe somewhere. Where is that true?

12:51 Drew Amsterdam.

12:52 Adam Amsterdam. You guys got your Amsterdam. It's no Mexico because you can't get tile. We can get tile and pinatas.

12:58 Best Of What's that?

12:59 Adam Stickers. You guys know what pinatas are?

13:02 Best Of Is it a type of taco?

13:03 Adam Oh, yeah.

13:04 Best Of No, I've got no idea.

13:04 Adam See, this is the problem with England. You guys need pinatas. I'm going to go out there and open a pinata factory.

13:10 Best Of Johnny, you know that.

13:11 Drew Lava lamps and pinatas?

13:12 Adam Pinata is a paper mache, or as you would say, paper mache.

13:19 Best Of Papier mache.

13:20 Adam Papier. Yeah, yeah, that's a good one. Aluminum and paper mache are the two ones these guys go nuts on. Say aluminum.

13:29 Best Of Aluminium.

13:30 Caller Yeah.

13:31 Adam No. Yeah. Yes. Turn it. It's a whole new word for them. And paper mache is not even paper mache. It's papier.

13:41 Drew It's French.

13:42 Best Of Papier mache. That's what it is. Right.

13:44 Adam Yeah, it is that. I know. I know. But it's like, you know what it is?

13:48 Drew And the town where they have that tower is Paris.

13:51 Adam We have to say Paris. Well, you know what America is like? It's like, you know when a band covers a song and then the song gets bigger than the original and then everyone thinks this song was done better?

14:03 Best Of That's what happened with aluminum.

14:05 Adam That's what happened with aluminum. We covered it as Americans and now it's ours.

14:09 Best Of Fair enough, but I used to think it was Arkansas and then someone told me it was Arkansas. So we're guilty of it as well.

14:15 Adam Oh, now that's a new one for me too.

14:16 Drew Well, there's Missouri and Missouri.

14:18 Adam All right, well, let's get back to the pinata discussion.

14:21 Best Of What is a pinata?

14:22 Adam This is a Peppier-Maché donkey. You guys don't have donkeys over there either.

14:28 Best Of No, we do. We have donkey Sanches.

14:29 Adam You guys got donkeys now?

14:30 Best Of Yeah, yeah.

14:31 Adam Oh, things are really looking up over there.

14:34 Drew But they have a hole, there's an empty shell within this Peppier-Maché. Right. It's a vessel.

14:40 Adam It doesn't have to be a donkey.

14:42 Drew Traditionally, it's a burrow, but it could be an animal with four legs.

14:45 Adam Yeah, but it really could be E.T.'s head, whatever your kid likes, you know? And it's hollow, and we fill it with candy, all right? And then, and then we blind, then we hang it from a tree.

14:57 Best Of Oh, you hit it with a stick.

14:58 Adam And we blindfold kids, and we spin them around.

15:00 Best Of Everything you do over here, you hit something with a stick.

15:02 Adam Yeah.

15:03 Best Of It's very simple entertainment.

15:04 Adam Yeah, I know, I know. It seems like, hey, if you want candy, and you have 15 kids, how about just giving them some goddamn candy? They have to beat the crap out of E.T.'s head, and then all dive on it like it's a rugby pile. We have to turn everything into a competition in this country.

15:18 Best Of Oh, absolutely. A fight.

15:19 Adam Yeah. Mexico, I think Mexico invented that, but I think they just invented that to sell it to us, because we like sticks and beating up stuff and tearing stuff over.

15:28 Best Of We go for that, though. We go for that.

15:29 Adam Yeah, it's always great. You know, the good thing about the, the paper, the Pepe Amache.

15:35 Best Of Pepe Amache.

15:36 Adam Yeah, right. Good thing, good thing about the piñata is, is, is there's always one overzealous kid who jumps in a little early before the kid's taken the blindfold off and just catches the tail end of the last swing across the forehead. We have a big problem with that in this country. Big problem.

15:52 Best Of Is there must be some sort of abbreviation of it, like piñata disorder or something? Yeah. Do you ever get called as about that?

15:59 Adam Drew's saying more and more of it.

16:00 Drew Cuda piñata.

16:01 Adam Cuda piñata. Is this a syndrome?

16:04 Drew Yeah, it's right across the forehead.

16:05 Adam CPS.

16:06 Caller Yeah, true.

16:07 Adam Most of your CAT scan victims or people come through there for that, right? Derek?

16:13 Yeah, hello?

16:14 Adam You're 16?

16:15 Caller Yeah.

16:16 Adam Yeah.

16:16 Caller Hey, hey Adam.

16:18 Adam Hey.

16:19 Caller You're just hilarious guy.

16:20 Adam Great.

16:21 Caller Hey, Dr. Drew. What can I say? You're a passionate man. Whatever.

16:25 Adam All right, what's up there, Derek?

16:27 Caller Oh, I want to talk to Coldplay.

16:29 Caller Hey, Chris. Hey, John.

16:29 Best Of See, that's who he really wants to speak to. How's it going, man?

16:33 Caller Good. Um, Chris, I guess you said that this could be your last album coming up.

16:38 Best Of Yeah.

16:39 Caller And what was, what's, I guess why?

16:41 Best Of That's a great question. Well, the thing is, and I don't want to sound all cheesy, but this is the kind of show where you can say things like this, but it's because we suddenly started to really appreciate what we get to do in our lives and we didn't want to start thinking too far ahead and we just want to sort of enjoy everything for the moment. I know it sounds a bit sort of sports science.

17:03 Adam Well, what do you mean by appreciate what you do?

17:05 Best Of Well, I mean as in, sometimes, we went through a period when we first started having some success where we would just let it all pass us by and we just wanted to make a sort of conscious effort to put all our effort into what we were doing now and Not look down the road? Yeah, you know, to make the best record now and so we didn't hold any songs back and we, you know, we haven't sort of, I don't know, Johnny's better at explaining. We got nothing planned for anything in the future. You know, everything's open.

17:33 Drew Taking things one day at a time.

17:34 Best Of It's our way of saying that this is the best possible record we could have made. We haven't sort of saved six songs for all.

17:43 Adam It's a good message because I think we're all guilty of this, which is everyone's looking down the road. What about next year or next season or next album, next show, next contract, next whatever? And you end up living your life to whatever the next landmark is. And then you get to that landmark. And ironically, you're looking ahead to whatever's ahead of that. And you're just saying this is what we're doing.

18:06 Best Of No, and we still do that. But I mean, also the simple fact of it was when I said that was just after we'd finished making the record. And we sort of paint the parallel with childbirth. And when you've given birth to a child, I'm sure most mothers straight away would not be that keen to have another baby.

18:28 Adam Right, but you had to have five kids.

18:31 Best Of And so we-

18:32 Drew In this country, though.

18:33 Adam Right, they have two and a half in England.

18:35 Best Of When we said that, it was right after we'd finished. And the idea of making another record was terrible.

18:41 Adam Hey, Derek?

18:42 Caller Yeah?

18:42 Adam Yeah, but ironically, this approach or mindset may give you more longevity than-

18:49 Best Of I hope so.

18:50 Adam Than people who are constantly talking about what's down the road. Derek, is that a satisfactory answer for you?

18:56 Caller Oh, yeah.

18:56 Drew After waiting a hundred minutes on hold.

18:57 Adam You were on hold for a hundred minutes?

18:59 Caller Was he?

19:00 Drew Yeah.

19:00 Best Of Derek, we salute you.

19:01 Caller Anything you need to take, talk to Coldplay.

19:04 Adam Thanks, Derek.

19:04 Best Of Oh, thanks a lot, man.

19:05 Caller Take care, bye.

19:06 Adam Take care of yourself.

19:07 Best Of See, you've got some great people in your country.

19:09 Adam Yeah.

19:11 Best Of I don't think you should put yourself there.

19:12 Adam That was the one guy. Yeah. Yeah, they're all just Jane Doe to me.

19:16 Caller I don't know, recognize them, isn't it?

19:17 Best Of You have no compassion anymore.

19:18 Drew We have some good calls coming up.

19:19 Adam They're Jane Doe and Joe Bloggs. Those are the callers. You see how much I know about England?

19:24 Caller Yeah.

19:25 Adam I know the Joe Bloggs. And I know the paper mache.

19:27 Caller Fagel.

19:28 Fagel.

19:30 Adam The papier mache in the aluminium. We're going to have to straighten that out. That's going to be one of my things. When I go to England, I'm going to try to get aluminum through.

19:40 Best Of You're going over there with a lot of, you know, you don't want to annoy too many people. You're going over there with time issues and...

19:45 Adam No. I have a very busy agenda over there.

19:49 Best Of Just make some friends first.

19:51 Drew You spell it differently.

19:52 Best Of Aluminium.

19:53 Adam Yeah, they spell it differently.

19:54 Best Of We spell it correctly.

19:55 Adam Yeah, they invented it. We screwed it up.

19:57 Best Of It's like color.

19:58 Adam I've done some research into this, Drew. They invented it and we screwed it up. That's ours.

20:05 Drew That's usually what we do.

20:06 Adam Right. I'm going over there. And I got to talk to you guys during the break because you know what I want to do? I want to go to, when I'm in England, I want to go look at, I want to go to some like car factories and stuff. You guys got like acid bars?

20:16 Best Of Not many left.

20:17 Adam Rolls Royce or anything?

20:18 Drew Bentley.

20:19 Best Of Oh. I think we got, what have we?

20:22 Drew They're all in Tokyo.

20:23 Adam I'm going to Chris's flat. I'm going to crash there and kill some ants. Steal a few gold records and we'll be right back.

20:31 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline. Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

20:40 Adam If the January Playboy is any indication, 2005 is going to be hot, hot, hot. Thanks to Jenny McCarthy's steamy pictorial in the January issue of Playboy. Well, what do you know? It's the best of the best of Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, and let's keep this train a-rollin, what do you say, Drew?

21:12 Drew Oh, we're really, it's really cookin now.

21:14 Adam Yeah, we're now comin into one of our favorite, most consistent guests, Mr. Snoop Dogg, and yes, Drew.

21:20 Drew He was 115 days off pot, and you'll notice he's a little livelier Snoop than usual.

21:25 Adam Yeah.

21:25 Drew And let's paint the picture, though. It wasn't not the case that night that the bishop was sittin in the corner with his diamond-encrusted cane.

21:32 Adam Bishop Don Magic One.

21:33 Drew And his chartreuse bowler and suit.

21:36 Adam Yeah. Well, here's what I learned from Bishop Don Magic One. Green is for the money, and gold is for the honey. And that's one of those things. See, when you're a black guy, there's two things you can do. One is, you can wear any hat you want. No one ever says anything. Two, you can talk about that. You can rhyme ridiculous rhymes, and no one goes, what are you talking about? Everyone just goes, that's right. He's right, he's right. Look at the crazy hat. The guy with the crazy hat who's rhyming, he's right. And you get to use a cane, even if your leg's not bad, and it can be encrusted with jewels. Yes, all right. So everyone, please enjoy a little Snoop Dogg. Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, that almost sounded like Dr. Dre. Dr. Drew. That's why he called himself Dr. Drew.

22:26 Drew He's trying to pick it back in on that.

22:28 Caller Snoop Dogg and Dr. Drew was at your door.

22:34 Adam Anderson's going to put that on our card.

22:37 Drew He just immediately reached for the tape.

22:39 Adam Get some mileage out of that drop.

22:40 Caller He wasn't taping that?

22:42 Adam No, he was taping it.

22:43 Caller We got it live on the system, you dig?

22:46 Adam Snoop, well, let's see. I've not seen since I was at the Bishop Don Juan's house.

22:52 Caller Yeah, the Honeycomb Hideout.

22:53 Adam That's what we call it.

22:53 Caller Thank you, sweetheart. I appreciate that, love.

22:57 Adam One of the bigger name pimps in town, not as big as Snoop Dogg, of course, but Bishop Don Juan, quite a dichotomy, lives in a crappy two-bedroom apartment, but has a Rolls Royce parked out front. He's a man who has his priorities. He's a man who has his priorities. He's a man who has his priorities. He's a man who has his priorities. He's a man who has his priorities. He's a man who has his priorities. He's a man who has his priorities. He's a man who has his priorities. He's a man who has his priorities. He's only into you when he's into you.

32:27 Drew He's having sex. That does not mean he's into you.

32:31 Adam When did he drop you? Did he dump you?

32:33 Caller I broke up with him.

32:34 Adam Why?

32:35 Caller Because he's an idiot.

32:36 Drew What did he do?

32:36 Adam Did he cheat?

32:37 Drew He was with another girl, yeah.

32:38 Caller No, actually, he'd be one day, he's like, Oh baby, I miss you. I love you. But the next day, it's like, why am I with you? So I just got fed up with it and I just told him off.

32:48 Drew And just kept having sex with him. So he got exactly what he wanted.

32:52 Adam How about you dump me? Snoop wants to be dumped too. All right, Tracy, look.

32:58 Drew Tracy's high too.

33:00 Adam Are you high? Tracy, you smoke a lot of weed?

33:02 Caller Yeah.

33:03 Drew Yeah, I could hear it.

33:04 Adam You got to do it. Drew can hear the laugh.

33:10 Caller I also have another question.

33:12 Adam Yeah, well, hold on a second. How come the brothers don't get the weed laugh? Only white guys get the weed laugh. Because the brothers know how to control that.

33:20 Caller You know what I'm saying?

33:21 Adam Is that what it is?

33:21 Caller Yeah, weed to us is like, it's a friend of ours. It's not a drug, you know what I'm saying?

33:26 Adam Yeah.

33:27 Caller It's like a friend of ours.

33:29 Adam When we find weed, we find happiness.

33:30 Caller It's like we live in the hippie era, you know? Everything was fun and peaceful. Yeah.

33:36 Drew None of them were drug addicts.

33:37 Adam No, no, but I mean, I'm wondering, Drew. I mean, really, you never hear the weed laugh in a black guy, only in white guys.

33:45 Drew No, that's right.

33:47 Adam What is that?

33:47 Drew I don't know. What is the weed laugh? I don't know what it is. I just hear it.

33:50 But you don't hear that.

33:52 Adam You don't hear that.

33:53 Drew No.

33:54 Adam Snoop doesn't have that.

33:55 Drew Of course not.

33:56 Adam I've had it. Never will. 115 days, but who's counting? Yeah, who's counting?

34:01 Drew Tracy, what's the other question?

34:01 Adam Tracy? Could be less, could be more. I'm guessing it's less.

34:06 Drew What's the other question, Tracy?

34:07 Caller My other question is, how do you know that you're allergic to latex?

34:13 Drew You get an itchy rash if you touch it.

34:16 Caller Really?

34:17 Drew Yeah.

34:18 Caller Because normally whenever I have sex with like condoms or anything, she gets like really, really red and really, really swollen.

34:27 Drew She?

34:28 Adam She, meaning your vagina?

34:30 Caller Yeah.

34:30 Drew The one with the mind. What's her name? The one with the mind that's clearer than hers.

34:33 Adam What's her name, baby?

34:34 Caller What's her name? Violet.

34:36 Caller I know that's why.

34:37 Adam You named her Violet?

34:38 Caller Yeah.

34:39 Adam She's like a, it's like a ship. I guess vaginas are all girls. Ships are all girls. You know what I'm saying?

34:46 Drew It wouldn't be the, it wouldn't be the SS or the HMS.

34:51 Adam Hey, hey, Tracy?

34:55 Drew Yeah.

34:55 Adam All right, baby, find a new guy. I don't trust this old guy.

34:59 Drew It's not necessarily a latex reaction you're describing me. It could be yeast, it could be other infections. So it needs to be checked out.

35:04 Adam Let's talk to Michael, who's 19. Michael?

35:07 Caller Hey, what's up?

35:08 Adam What's up?

35:10 Caller I'm a main fan in the show. What?

35:13 Adam Why's that?

35:14 Caller I'm a main fan in the show. Yeah? Adam, I think you're really cool.

35:19 Adam What kind of condition do you have?

35:22 Caller I'm in wheelchair. I have spinal muscular atrophy.

35:29 Adam Spinal muscular atrophy?

35:31 Drew We'll check. Do you know the other name for that?

35:33 Caller Weirnick Hoffman.

35:34 Drew What is it?

35:35 Caller Weirnick Hoffman. Hold on.

35:44 Drew I thought it was...

35:44 Caller Weirnick Hoffman?

35:46 Drew I thought it was Kugelblur-Wheelander Syndrome.

35:49 Caller No, I'm...

35:50 Drew You're the more severe form. Spinal muscular atrophy is usually a Kugelblur-Wheelander.

35:54 Adam Sure. The guy's...

35:55 Caller Hold on.

35:56 Adam I'm sorry. The guy's operating his wheelchair with a crazy strong. You're busting his chops like a chefer.

36:01 Drew I want to make sure it wasn't somebody just goofing with us.

36:05 Caller All right. Okay, that's good, Doc. I do understand and Doc know the terminology for that. Absolutely. I use the touchpad, but whatever.

36:13 Adam You're the real McCoy.

36:14 Caller I'm the real McCoy.

36:15 Adam Are you in a wheelchair?

36:16 Caller Right now, I'm lying down, but...

36:18 Drew Let me ask...

36:19 Adam Normally, you're in a wheelchair.

36:21 Drew My patients with spinal muscular atrophy, you tell me if this happened to you too, felt that as their disease got worse, their intelligence increased. Did that happen to you?

36:30 Caller Okay.

36:31 Drew Well, that was one of my patients reported that. I have more patients with this, yeah.

36:34 Adam I got more time to read.

36:35 Drew That's interesting.

36:37 Caller Mike? No, I haven't.

36:39 Adam All right, so are you able to work or do anything like that?

36:43 Caller I'm in college right now.

36:45 Adam In where?

36:45 Caller In college.

36:46 Adam College?

36:47 Caller Yeah.

36:48 Adam Okay. You're doing... You're calling from Berkeley. You're going to Berkeley?

36:53 Caller Yeah, I'm going to college. Cool. Yeah.

36:55 Adam Look at this guy.

36:57 Caller All right.

36:58 Adam All right, you should be like Stephen Hawking.

37:00 Caller I sort of film, though.

37:03 Adam What's that?

37:03 Caller I'm a film major.

37:05 Adam Film major.

37:06 Drew Interesting.

37:06 Adam What do you want to do?

37:07 Caller I want to direct.

37:08 Drew Direct? Awesome.

37:10 Adam You want to direct ghetto movies like gang violence movies?

37:14 Caller Whatever. Anything that sounds good.

37:17 Adam Yeah. Do anything. All right. So what's your question, Michael?

37:22 Caller Well, I was listening to your show like a month ago, and Adam, you said that no one wants to cast you in any movie.

37:37 Adam Yeah. No one wants to put me in any movie except for... Yes. I'd like to be in some movies.

37:42 Drew Yeah. What he did mention, Michael, is one of the reasons is that he won't talk to a casting director, he won't go to a casting director, he insists on being called and given instructions where he turns up for a role without reading for it.

37:54 Adam I feel as if they should come to my house and take me to the set.

38:00 Drew He has a reputation for being a pain in the ass.

38:02 Adam Oh, please. Snoop, we've worked together many a time. Did you find me to be a pain in the ass?

38:08 Caller You find a work with him.

38:09 Adam That's right. A complete professional. I come over to Snoop's house, I get baked, and then I start eating. He's a complete professional. Not a professional, but a puff-fessional. There's no problems whatsoever. That's my main main main name. Hey, Michael.

38:23 Caller Yeah.

38:24 Adam Listen, I appreciate your interest. And don't worry, I'll get in the movies. If Snoop has to put me in one of his own himself.

38:31 Caller I want to ask you a question. All right. It might sound a little bit odd, but I wrote my own stream play.

38:43 Adam Right.

38:44 Caller And I think there are two doctors in the film. And I was thinking it would be really cool if you could play one of the doctors.

38:58 Adam One of the what?

38:58 Drew Doctors?

38:59 Adam One of the doctors?

39:00 Caller And like you can play the other, other doctor.

39:03 Adam All right. I'll do it.

39:05 Drew I'm in.

39:06 Adam All right. Hey, listen, what are you going to do? Send me the script?

39:11 Drew Oh yeah. Wait, but then you can't read it, right? Isn't that how that works?

39:13 Adam No, I can't read it. It's illegal to read it and I can't read, which is really the reason I can't read it. All right, but listen, you ever out in the LA area?

39:25 Caller I'm afraid not, no.

39:27 Adam All right, good. Then stop by. No, never out here, huh?

39:31 Caller I think I can come now.

39:33 Adam All right, listen, this is the time of the show and I'm telling you, we gotta get some T-shirts made up because this is the point in the call where I'd go, listen buddy, we're gonna send you out a T-shirt. What do you say? You know what I mean? Like, or like a official Loveline cowbell, Dr. Drew and Adam, a mootastic cowbell or something. We need some swag to hand out so when it gets uncomfortable, in minute four, the calls that aren't going well with the guy in the wheelchair, I can just say, hey, pal, we're gonna send you out with a windbreaker out by the way. Some lovely parting gifts. Yeah. Yeah. Michael, I'm sorry, I guess I can't read the script because then there's all kinds of legalities and stuff, but you're going to Berkeley, you're fine. Just keep on top of that. It's the best of the best of Loveline. We're here with Snoop Dogg and we'll be right back. We are back with the best of the best of Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. And for those of you who did not get an ass full of the Snoop Man in the first segment, here's a second heaping helping. All right, let's talk to Jesse, who's 19. Jesse.

40:48 Caller Hey, how you doing?

40:49 Adam What's up?

40:50 Caller Not much. I was wondering about consensual age. I have a girl who's 19.

40:58 Caller Yeah.

40:58 Caller And a girl who's 17 who really liked me. And I'm wondering if it's legally okay to go out with them and have sex with them and all that.

41:09 Drew You're how old?

41:10 Caller Huh?

41:11 Drew You're how old?

41:12 Caller I'm 19.

41:13 Drew Well, what I've got here for the state of Colorado, which it says you're calling from, 17 is age of consent in your state. You might want to check, this is somewhat old material, ageofconsent.com. In fact, Ann, why don't we get up that site and reprint stuff, get it updated.

41:28 Adam They have ageofconsent.com.

41:30 Yep.

41:31 Adam And that's it. You just check it, figure out what it is for the state you're in and that's it.

41:35 Caller Yeah.

41:36 Adam And that never varies within the state, does it?

41:38 Drew No.

41:39 Adam It's a state-wide thing.

41:40 Caller The same age, no matter where you're at.

41:42 So I thought 18 was legal.

41:43 Drew And each state is different.

41:45 Caller Oh, says?

41:46 Drew Yeah.

41:46 Adam Yeah. See, what I always say sounds dumb. We ought to just decide on one, like one age for the draft, one age to drink, one age to buy cigarettes. Why not one age to get laid?

41:57 Caller Yeah, 18 would sound like a cool number.

42:00 Adam Because you live in Hawaii or Arkansas, I don't know where the low ones are.

42:04 Drew Snoop's back on Sesame Street. That's it. Boom, he's on.

42:08 Adam This is his bit. He's going to explain the age of consent.

42:10 Drew That's 18, baby.

42:12 Adam That's a good thing.

42:13 Drew That's a way I can complain about that.

42:14 Adam A kid's got to learn how to count. Why not count to the age of consent with Snoop Dogg?

42:19 Can you count?

42:22 Adam All right, Jesse, it seems like you're okay, but get on that internet and find out for sure.

42:27 Caller All right, thank you.

42:29 Adam Don't get anyone pregnant. Give them a couple of months. Wait till their birthday before you really give it to them, Jess.

42:34 Caller No problem, I will. Adam, I want to say you're a god and thank you so much for all the knowledge that you give to everybody.

42:39 Adam Thank you, Jesse.

42:41 Caller Thanks to Dr. Drew and to Snoop Dogg. What's up, man?

42:44 Caller Ain't no man. I got to do it.

42:46 Adam Take care, Jesse.

42:47 Drew I don't want to answer like that.

42:48 Adam See, listen. See, Snoop has good answers.

42:51 Drew Yeah, they demand I got to do it.

42:52 Adam People say, hey, Adam, I think you're god. I go, hey, gee, thanks a lot there, pal. Snoop's like, hey, you got to do it? All right. When are they going to do that Starsky and Hutch movie? Do you know?

43:07 Caller We're supposed to be shooting in March, April, and May.

43:11 Adam Yeah, that was made. Who was that? Antonio Vargas?

43:14 Caller Antonio Vargas, David Soul.

43:18 Adam And Paul Glazer. Paul Michael Glazer.

43:22 Best Of He had a middle name, yeah.

43:24 Adam I got it. Jeff?

43:25 Caller Yeah.

43:25 Adam You're 30?

43:26 Caller Yes, I am.

43:27 Adam What's up?

43:28 Caller Well, I've got a question for all you guys. Well, first, have you seen the movie Bowling for Columbine?

43:34 Adam No, I haven't seen it yet. I heard it was good.

43:37 Caller Yeah, it's awesome. It's basically a documentary where Michael Moore investigates the prevalence of violence in American culture.

43:46 Caller Right.

43:47 Caller And he goes through the typical arguments about because guns are so widely available here in America, whereas in England, they don't have guns so they don't have murders. Right. But then he looks at Canada and Canada, you know, they have millions of guns for all their, in all their households and yet they don't have many, you know, gun murders that are going on.

44:10 Caller Yeah.

44:11 Adam Well, let me say this, because we got to go to break. We do a lot of this, you know, like we do that thing where like they have no, almost no breast cancer in Japan, so we should start eating this and then in Greenland, they have this, but they don't have that, and then here we have this, but we don't have that. It's just starting to turn out that certain places, they have this and they don't have that, and we should just accept it. Doesn't always have to do with diet or climate or guns in the household. Certain cultures, all cultures are a little bit different, and it's not the fact that there is stuff available, it's the fact that that's what the culture chooses to use. Do you know what I'm saying?

44:47 Caller Yeah.

44:47 Drew Let's continue this discussion. It's interesting.

44:49 Adam All right, Snoop Dogg here tonight.

44:51 Caller Yeah.

44:51 Adam We will, yes, you see people should say to Snoop, Snoop, look at you, you got six pack abs, you have five percent body fat. How do you do it? Snoop would say, well, in my culture, we drink orange soda, we'd fried catfish and we'd be riding feverishly. Okay, we got to do that. Well, we wouldn't want to do that, would we? We'd work for us.

45:11 Caller Drink an occasional 40 ounces of some holding.

45:13 Adam Yeah, before you go to bed.

45:15 Yeah, right before.

45:16 Adam We'll be back. And you know it's a good show when one Jimmy Kimmel enters the studio. Dear, Dear, Harry Gassy.

46:08 Drew Then Harry and Gassy talks about his love of shaving, moving his hair, which is almost a bizarre obsession with him. And then I was his doctor for a brief period and discovered that he has a urethral stricture, which he translates into a small P-hole. I like the way he uses the clinical terms.

46:25 Caller Nice. Sure. Yeah.

46:27 Adam All right. So everyone enjoy Jimmy Kimmel. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That's Dr. Drew.

46:37 Drew Hey, Jimmy. Ever heard Adam's theme song?

46:40 I have, but I love it if you want to play it again.

46:42 Adam Yeah, this is it. This is it right here. This is a song that plays as I enter the trendy bar with my leather jacket slung over my shoulder. Well, I guess when you sing in slow motion.

46:53 Drew When you go to the strip club tonight.

46:55 Adam Yeah, chicks checking me out, wearing your boots. Yeah, this is my song. Yeah. You can picture me like going in slow motion.

47:03 Drew And Jimmy, here's what they see. Here's what the chicks see.

47:07 Caller I can't even picture Adam out. Never mind in boots.

47:12 Adam Let me tell you something about what is going on in this room, Drew.

47:17 Drew And you're still, you didn't take a break?

47:18 Caller It's a night in heaven.

47:20 Adam He partially just let one fly during my theme song. And how dare you break wind during my theme song?

47:26 Caller Well, that's my theme song.

47:28 Adam This is understand this is like running out on the field during the national anthem. You understand what a slap in the face that is, Kimmel? And number two, Drew, two thoughts. One is whatever I've done to you in the past, my worst night, put two zeros behind that because that's what Jimmy is doing tonight. Number one, number two, about number two, this studio here is really equivalent to Tupperware. I mean, I'm still smelling Jimmy's first fart. You understand? I mean, I just opened the dorm, was hit with a wave of gas like the backdraft ride at Universal.

48:13 Drew Here's the comedy, though, is that you'll be able to identify Jimmy's fart like some sort of special bottle of wine that is a certain year and certain chateau.

48:21 Adam Yeah, it's assertive without being pushy.

48:23 Drew Yeah, that's the number one fart.

48:25 Adam Yeah, oh my god, this is so, so bad.

48:26 Caller Enjoy the bouquet.

48:27 Adam Swirl it around, it's so bad. You realize I won't be able to bring these clothes onto the carry-on on the airplane in four days. They're still gonna be that bad.

48:35 Best Of You have to burn them.

48:36 Adam Yeah, all right, Drew, find the next caller.

48:39 Drew Bing, 21, yeah.

48:40 Caller Yeah, Bing, that's me.

48:42 Drew Yeah.

48:42 Caller Yeah, I wanted to talk to Jimmy about having trouble aiming.

48:47 Caller Yeah, it's not aiming, it's my penis is defective. It doesn't work like normal penises do.

48:53 Caller Oh really?

48:54 Drew Excuse me, it's penii.

48:55 Caller Yeah, no, no, it's not penii.

48:57 Caller Like normal penii do, and there's nothing I can do about it.

49:02 Caller Yeah, there's nothing I can do about mine either. I have two holes in it, it splits off into a Y.

49:06 Drew Isn't that nice?

49:07 Caller Hmm, I had that once, yeah, they had to, why do you have two holes in it? Is, like, is it healed in the middle of the one hole?

49:15 Caller Well, what happened was I was born with it. I think my mom had gonorrhea or something when she was pregnant with me.

49:20 Caller Really?

49:21 Caller She was a slut. But anyway.

49:22 Drew Well, Bing's a barrel of laughs.

49:24 Caller Yeah, Bing's a barrel of laughs. Anyway.

49:26 Adam Bing, you ought to do greeting cards. So your mom's a slut, you have two holes in your penis, and now what?

49:33 Caller I have a real tough time aiming, and I was just telling Jimmy that, you know, I feel where he's coming from, all that good stuff.

49:40 Drew It's a septate urethra. So one of them doesn't dead end, they're just a septum right down the middle, right?

49:45 Caller Right, right.

49:46 Drew So septate urethra.

49:47 Caller That happened to me and I had to have it sliced open, and that's what you should do.

49:51 Drew You had the dual action?

49:53 Caller I had the dual action, it comes out of both, yeah.

49:55 Caller First I had a very small urethra, as you know. Then they made it bigger, but while it was healing, the middle part healed up, and so then I wound up having two holes, oh boy, which was no good. Then they had to cut it open again, and now I have one hole, but there's no accuracy whatsoever, and it's completely unpredictable.

50:14 Adam And his balls are above his penis. That's right, they're on top, he wears them like a hat. Yeah, it's a mess down there.

50:21 Caller When I was like 12 years old, my mom told me that she was gonna have me go to the doctor and he was gonna take a knife to my penis, and I was scared, I cried for days, because I thought the doctor was gonna come near me with a knife.

50:31 Drew Me too.

50:33 Adam Hey Drew, will you get rid of Bing, please?

50:35 Drew Well, I don't know of any evidence that gonorrhea in the mom has anything to do with this septic urethra.

50:41 Adam And Kimmel, if you'd start urinating in the sink like moi, I have you.

50:45 Caller I have started that. Yeah, I have started.

50:49 Adam I knew you'd come around. Oh no. Another fart?

50:52 Caller Yeah, I farted again.

50:53 Drew God.

50:55 Adam Yeah.

50:55 Drew Mike is 15.

50:57 Adam Yeah.

50:58 Drew What's up, Mike?

50:59 Adam Hi.

51:07 Caller You got to have a little of this.

51:10 Oh, oh, oh, oh, man.

51:14 Caller Yep.

51:15 Adam Wow.

51:16 Caller It's all natural.

51:19 Adam You're not on the juice?

51:20 Drew What is that in Corolla? What is that?

51:23 Adam Give me my hammer.

51:23 Drew Let's see if he hits himself over the head. No.

51:25 Adam You know why? Because I'm bothered by the fact that there's a fart floating around the room somewhere and it's going to sneak up on me. I'd rather confront it.

51:34 Drew And you won't get the full effect. Yeah.

51:37 Adam I'm one of those guys. If I think there's an intruder in the house, I run downstairs with a bat. I don't hide under the bed and call 911. That's the way I approach life. It's not for everybody, but it works for me.

51:47 Drew All right, Mike, you give 110%. That's right. What's up, Mike?

51:52 Okay.

51:53 Caller Whenever I shave, I get like monstrous amounts of zits pop up.

51:56 Drew Monstrous amounts?

51:57 Yeah.

51:57 Drew And when you don't shave?

51:59 What?

51:59 Drew When you don't shave, there's no problem.

52:02 Well, after I shave, they'll then go away eventually. But if I shave again, they pop up.

52:07 Caller I can help you with this, actually. I know a lot about shaving, actually. What kind of razor do you use?

52:12 Drew Why do you know a lot about shaving?

52:14 Caller I just do. It's something I've really experimented with and studied.

52:18 Drew Why?

52:19 Caller Drew, do you remember? Didn't I give you one of those hot lather dispensers?

52:22 Drew Yes.

52:23 Caller Yeah, because I'm really involved with shaving.

52:26 Adam He gave it to me.

52:27 Caller What kind of a razor are you using?

52:28 Drew That's right. Adam passed the one you gave to him onto me.

52:31 A Gillette kind.

52:33 Caller OK. That's the problem. This Gillette razor is the greatest razor in history, but it's a little too good for certain people because they're not really zits. They're ingrown hairs. They look like zits and they turn into zits, but you're getting too close to shave. What you have to do is, a lot of black people have this problem, actually.

52:51 Adam You have to stay with your family and raise your goddamn children.

52:55 Caller Besides that, though, there's a product, and you go into the black beauty supply stores, it's always funny to go in there, first of all, and it's a whole new world, but they have something called 10 Skin.

53:07 Adam You know what it's called?

53:08 Caller Yeah, that's what it's called. It takes months to apply it to really get it to work, but once you've applied it for months, yeah, it's good, but once you've applied it for months, your skin gets conditioned to a point where you can shave and not have a problem.

53:22 Drew So you use it like a shaving cream?

53:24 Caller It's more like a lotion.

53:25 Drew But you use it when you shave or do you use it?

53:27 Adam After you shave.

53:28 Caller After you shave, yeah. Huh.

53:30 Adam Hey, is this, is Mike still there? He is talking about his face, isn't he? I just want to make sure.

53:36 Caller Mike, did you get all that? You know what to do?

53:38 Caller Yeah, kind of. I don't think we have some black beauty store here.

53:42 Caller Where are you?

53:42 Caller Just Utah.

53:43 Adam Selma.

53:44 Caller Yeah. Oh, no, you definitely don't. Call Carl Malone. He can help you. No, I would go on online, then. Look for Tend, T-E-N-D, Skin.

53:55 Adam And here's the other thing, young Mike. You can use Oxy-Ten, too. You can just lather that on afterwards. The infected area. Yeah. After you're done shaving, that'll knock stuff down pretty good, too.

54:07 Drew Hey, Jimmy, what about you think about the Kiehl's Cream?

54:10 Caller I like it. I like it. Yeah, it's nice stuff. Yeah, I'm on to the whole spread-on cream that comes in the jar now. I have a whole process that I go through. I take a shower, I put this pre-shave oil onto my face. Well, in the shower, I'll put conditioner from hair conditioner on my face just to soften it up a little.

54:28 Drew Oh, my God.

54:29 Caller I put the pre-shave oil on.

54:30 Drew Before you masturbate or after?

54:31 Caller No, I don't masturbate in the shower.

54:33 Drew Oh, wait a minute. Adam, please.

54:35 Adam No, that's his cousin Sal.

54:36 Caller That's his cousin Sal, yeah.

54:38 Drew Wait a minute, didn't you leave a present for Adam in the shower one time?

54:41 Caller Well, every once in a while, but this is not... Yeah, yeah.

54:44 Adam We might as well get into that.

54:45 Caller I actually fired that from sitting on the toilet into the shower, to be fair to me.

54:50 Adam It was actually land based.

54:53 Drew No way. No, you're standing over the tub?

54:55 Adam All right. We got to tell this story, but I want Jimmy to finish his shaving thing first.

55:00 Caller Yeah, I got an elotion and not an oil, pre-shave oil, which I put on my face. It's really just like oil, it looks like olive oil. Then there's a shaving cream that I cover my face with. Then I shave. I use the Gilletta Sensor XL. Actually, I think they have a step up now. And then I'll put on some, if there's any blood spots, I put on the Stiptic Pencil, and then I have a aftershave lotion.

55:25 Adam You know what's funny? It's like he's Rula Lenska when it comes to his facial care, and then he blows a big fart and fans it at me with a peachy folder. And it's really an interesting dichotomy.

55:37 Caller Look at me right now. I look like Vlad Dvojt.

55:41 Adam He hasn't shaved in three days.

55:42 Drew Yeah.

55:43 Caller Such a process. It takes hours.

55:45 Adam All right.

55:45 Drew This is Josh. 30.

55:47 Caller Yeah. It's me, Josh.

55:48 Caller Yeah.

55:49 Drew Good.

55:49 Caller Hey.

55:49 Caller I just wanted to say first off that it's a really, it's a real privilege and honor to be able to talk to both Adam and Jimmy at the same time.

55:57 Drew Really?

55:57 Caller Thanks. If only you could smell me.

55:59 Drew Huh.

56:00 Caller And one thing, Jimmy, really quick, after the shaving and everything is over with, you know, your prep work and all that, don't forget a fresh man pond.

56:09 Yeah. Yeah.

56:10 Caller A man pond is nice.

56:11 Caller A man pond is very important.

56:12 Caller That was a commercial parody that we did on The Man Show, which was a, it was just a big, big, they always sound so bad when you describe them, but it basically was just a tampon for the ass.

56:25 Drew Nice. I like the Masculot personally.

56:28 Caller Masculot, that's a good term.

56:30 Adam That's a, that was a detergent that's specially formulated to remove protein stains.

56:36 Drew Male protein stains.

56:38 Adam Yeah.

56:38 Drew Yeah, of course.

56:39 Adam All right, Josh, what's up buddy?

56:40 Caller I'm having a problem with being able to get away from my girlfriend. She sleeps with other guys on occasion and it makes me jealous as anything and I can't seem to get away from her because I'm thinking about in the back of my mind the guy she's with and she's getting banged while I'm not around and it drives me crazy and yet I can't for some reason get away from her because I enjoy the sex when and if I'm getting it and I don't know how to walk away from it.

57:11 Drew Is she your first girlfriend?

57:13 Caller She's my first long-term serious relationship.

57:16 Drew Are you afraid you're not going to get sex anywhere else if you let this one go?

57:22 Caller I guess so.

57:23 Drew Is there something wrong with you?

57:24 Caller I guess I could go that way to be completely honest.

57:25 Drew Is there something wrong with you? Is there something about you we should know?

57:27 Caller There's nothing wrong with me. I've just, you know, maybe it's just a self-esteem thing. I'm sure it is.

57:34 Adam Well, why is this your only girlfriend at age 30?

57:38 Caller Oh, I've been with her for seven years.

57:40 Adam All right.

57:40 Drew That's true.

57:42 Adam All right. She's troubled, though.

57:43 Caller And the whole time she's been sleeping with other guys?

57:45 Caller I've been finding out this actually from her father, which, you know, she lives in a trailer and I live in an apartment. And it's funny, I know. But he tells me that occasionally, you know, guys are over there for the weekend and stuff like that. And then when I ask her about it, you know, of course, it's not true, you know, according to her.

58:08 Drew But maybe she's sort of telling you something. Maybe she really needs to get out of this and doesn't know how to do it either. And so she kind of acts out as opposed to being more honest about her desire to end this relationship.

58:19 Adam Well, wait a minute, how old is she?

58:21 Caller She's 12.

58:22 Drew She's 12.

58:22 Caller Younger than I am.

58:23 Drew 30.

58:25 Adam Okay, just say 30 wise. Okay, so I hate doing the math for everybody. She's 30 and she's still living in a trailer with her dad?

58:34 Caller No, she doesn't live with her dad, but they live in the same court. It's a Springer thing, you know what I mean?

58:40 Drew Yeah.

58:40 Adam Oh really, so she, the dad sees guys coming in and out of her trailer.

58:47 Caller Exactly.

58:47 Drew What's her dad do, just out of curiosity?

58:49 Caller He's an electrician.

58:51 Adam Well what do you think, he was a CEO of Fortune 500 Corporation, he just chose to live in a trailer? Drew, use your head. Alright, look, break up with her.

59:02 Drew Yeah, I'm afraid so.

59:02 Adam You have to do this.

59:04 Caller What do I do to get my mind off of it, to get over the jealousy?

59:07 Caller Get another girl.

59:08 Adam You gotta hang yourself and beat off.

59:10 Drew But he won't get another girl, Jimmy, that's the problem. He's going to go out there with that desperation on him.

59:17 Caller You know what you gotta do? This is a good plan. Be serious with me. I am going to be very serious with you. Ask three girls a day out. Make it your commitment. Make it, just say to yourself, I'm going to ask, every day I'm going to ask three girls to go out with me. It's going to work out eventually.

59:34 Caller And that's what I'm saying.

59:35 Adam That's what I'm saying.

59:35 Caller Keeping me occupied, I'm doing something more positive, right?

59:38 Caller Well listen, when you get another girl, you're going to forget all about this one.

59:41 Adam Absolutely.

59:42 Caller No question about it.

59:43 Drew Suzy, 43.

59:45 Hi guys, thank you so much for everything you do for teenagers. You're required listening in our house in the evening before the kids go to bed.

59:53 Drew See?

59:54 Adam Thank you.

59:54 Drew Thank you, Suzy.

59:55 Caller Where do you see crank anchors?

59:57 Adam Yeah, 10.30 Sunday night.

59:58 You know what, Adam, we don't have TV. I'm sorry to say that. I yanked the TV.

1:00:04 Caller Nice.

1:00:04 Caller What?

1:00:05 We don't have TV.

1:00:06 Caller Good.

1:00:06 Adam That's child abuse.

1:00:08 Caller You yanked the TV.

1:00:10 Well, the kids came home and all they did was sit in front of road rules and stupid stuff on MTV. Loveline? I cut the cable and I ordered the paper. Now they actually sometimes accidentally open the paper and start to read. So, it's been a good thing.

1:00:28 Adam Let me tell you what happened. A tornado hit the trailer park and pulled the cable right out of the side of the double wide, right? Be honest, Susie.

1:00:37 No, Adam, I swear.

1:00:39 Drew What else up, Susie?

1:00:40 That's exactly what happened.

1:00:41 Drew All right. What's up?

1:00:42 So anyway, Adam, I just like to know, I'm very curious. How did you propose? You blew me off in the lightning round.

1:00:48 Adam Oh, this is you. Listen, here's what happened. All right. I got engaged and then I broke up for a year. Then my girlfriend, once we got back together, she kept bothering me to get married.

1:01:06 Drew Very romantic. I hope she's listening.

1:01:10 Adam Well, listen, here, quite frankly, here's my thing. I'm getting married. Isn't that enough? I mean, that's the way I look at it. Do you know what I'm saying?

1:01:21 Caller He's not kidding at all.

1:01:22 Adam It's like when you're a kid, it's like your dad is driving you to Disneyland. Does he have to put on the chauffeur's cap or can he just have his dignity? Yeah. That's all I'm saying. Just give me my dignity. That's all.

1:01:35 Drew So it wasn't really a proposal. It was a capitulation.

1:01:41 Adam Maybe. She kept bothering me about... So I said, look, we'll get married. Stop bothering me. And she said, well, you haven't engaged. We're not engaged. You don't have to be. We don't have to be. We just set a marriage date and it's taken care of. I did the math. And she said, anyway, she kept bothering me. So finally she was wearing her engagement ring, but it was on her other hand.

1:02:05 Drew You actually got her a ring, but would she go buy it herself?

1:02:08 Adam No, it was her old ring.

1:02:09 Drew Oh, my God. For the last. Yeah.

1:02:11 Adam For the last one, she moved it to the other hand.

1:02:13 Drew OK.

1:02:14 Adam And so I pulled it off the other hand and put it on the other hand while we were watching the tough man on FX.

1:02:23 Drew Very romantic.

1:02:25 Adam Was it a battle bots? No, it was prime. I know where it was. It was Friday night. I think I was watching a tough man competition. I got down on one knee, but I beat the count and I was back up. Oh, no, I was just saying I don't go for all that. I'm trying to set a tone. All right. Who do we got next?

1:02:45 Drew We're going to talk to Derek. He is 17. Derek.

1:02:49 Adam Derek.

1:02:49 Caller Hello.

1:02:50 Drew Hey, what's up?

1:02:51 Caller Hey, I'm on.

1:02:52 Drew Yeah.

1:02:52 Yeah.

1:02:53 Caller All right.

1:02:54 Drew I don't believe I'm ready for whatever it is.

1:02:55 Yeah.

1:02:55 Drew Me neither.

1:02:56 Caller No, no, no. I'm serious. This is true. Hello.

1:03:00 Drew Yeah, we're here.

1:03:01 Caller OK. Well, it's just, you know, sometimes I feel like the desire to be of the opposite sex.

1:03:11 Drew Tell me more. What do you mean?

1:03:13 Caller Well, sometimes I feel like turned off by behavior of like other guys and like, I don't know, maybe my history was like my dad and my stepdad hasn't been so good.

1:03:26 Drew But they've been physically abusive to you.

1:03:29 Caller Oh, yeah. My stepdad was. And my dad, he just kind of he left really early and I don't hear from him much.

1:03:36 Drew So understand, maybe it's that you really are trying to get back in touch with that male element that was so abandoning to you. Maybe it's that you need to be really so close that you actually want to, you know what I mean?

1:03:49 Adam Well, wait a minute. Are you saying that you're having homosexual thoughts?

1:03:53 Caller No, I don't think I'm a homosexual. I just think that.

1:03:56 Drew But if you were a woman, would you have sex with a male?

1:03:59 Caller No, I don't think so.

1:04:01 Adam Wait a minute, Drew. What kind of question is that? I'd have sex with a male if I was a woman.

1:04:06 Drew No, many, many, many male to female transsexuals become women. Oh, no.

1:04:11 Oh, no.

1:04:12 Caller Adam firing back.

1:04:14 Adam Little salvo coming Jimmy's way.

1:04:18 Drew Many male to female transsexuals do that in order to be lesbians.

1:04:23 Adam Yeah, but does he want to be a transsexual?

1:04:26 Caller No, no, I would never like want to take it to that level. But no, no, no, that's not the point. I'm just saying I just I just have these thoughts and you know, I get confused and, you know, you know what the safest thing to do?

1:04:40 Drew Do you want to dress like what?

1:04:42 Caller You should be a magician.

1:04:44 Adam Yeah, that's a way of not declaring your your sex.

1:04:47 Caller Yeah, put you in a limbo and it's good career training.

1:04:50 Adam All right. But wait a minute. Let me try to get to the bottom of Derek's problem. And by the way, Derek, when I'm in charge, it's going to be either Derek or Dirk. One of those names is going to be eliminated. There will not be both.

1:05:02 Caller OK.

1:05:03 Caller OK.

1:05:03 Caller That's my name.

1:05:05 Adam You you are attracted to females. Yes.

1:05:10 Caller Yes.

1:05:11 Caller Right.

1:05:11 Adam Do you have a girlfriend?

1:05:14 Caller No, I don't. All right.

1:05:16 Adam But you hate that you hate that you're not you're not attracted to men. No, but you don't like men.

1:05:23 Caller Not not really. I don't like. No, I don't like you.

1:05:26 Adam Do you have any male friends?

1:05:29 Caller The few who are nice to me, but for the most part, no.

1:05:32 Caller So much smell of there's a smell of a fart give you a boner.

1:05:37 Caller No, no.

1:05:38 Drew Well, we guess we can't talk to them.

1:05:40 Caller What?

1:05:40 Drew Nothing. But the the deal is that you're so unhappy with man, you don't even want to be one.

1:05:48 Caller Oh, yeah, I just I feel that, you know, just listening, even listening to your show, I mean, you know, all those guys out there, they just seem like such screw ups and stuff. And you know what they do in the relationships and and what I hear at school and makes me sick sometimes. You know what I mean? All right.

1:06:07 Adam But you don't you don't have any plan to do anything about it.

1:06:10 Caller No.

1:06:11 Adam OK, Drew, put him on hold. All right. Just he's confused. He had a bad upbringing. Little therapy. He's not gay. Thank God he's not gay. I don't know. And he might be gay, possibly gay, probably gay. I'm sure he's gay. Derek, you're definitely gay. You're currently inside a man doesn't like farts. He doesn't like farts. He may be gay like Anderson. All right. So look, just take it slow. You don't have to make a declaration to your sexual proclivity at this stage. Don't cut your penis off and get a little therapy for stepdaddy who beat you. Drew, let's get one more in before we go to Brian.

1:06:50 Drew If you're gay, wouldn't you like to smell of ass, Adam?

1:06:53 Adam Yeah, it's interesting, but it doesn't it doesn't work that way.

1:06:56 Drew I'm so anti-gay, I can't even smell it because I've got puke.

1:06:59 Adam Oh, you can't smell you can't smell ass?

1:07:02 Best Of No, if I do, it just makes me so nauseated because I know where it's coming from.

1:07:05 Adam Yeah, you would you would be in real bad shape in the studio right now.

1:07:09 Best Of I wouldn't be in the studio, I'd be gone.

1:07:11 Adam You would be you would be heaving like Jimmy on a fishing boat.

1:07:15 Drew Yeah, Anderson is outraged and offended, Adam. Sorry, buddy. It's your puerile behavior. We got to go to break.

1:07:21 Adam Okay, it is Loveline.

1:07:23 Caller Yeah.

1:07:24 Adam I'm Adam, that is Dr. Drew.

1:07:25 Drew We'll be right back after this.

1:07:30 Adam Yay!

1:07:31 Caller Yay!

1:07:31 Thanks for calling Loveline.

1:07:32 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

1:07:39 Drew Thanks to Jenny McCarthy and her steamy pictorial, January will no longer officially be known as the coldest month of the year. The January issue of Playboy is on newsstands now.

1:07:50 Caller Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:08:08 Adam Hey, yo, it's Loveline. The best of the best of the best of Loveline. And how can you argue with that? Coldplay, Snoop Dogg, Jimmy Kimmel, Eminem?

1:08:17 Drew Now Jim Belushi.

1:08:18 Adam Jim Belushi and Jim, who did a movie with Tupac Shakur.

1:08:23 Drew All right.

1:08:24 Adam Yeah, we talked to him about the late, great Tupac. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that is Dr. Drew.

1:08:34 I wish I had the other ones, because they were a little more solid.

1:08:38 Adam Jim is talking about his ladies during the commercial break. Jim Belushi is our guest tonight.

1:08:44 Ladies. I like the way you say ladies.

1:08:46 Adam Well, I mean, over the years. Over the years. Kim?

1:08:49 Caller Yes. Yeah.

1:08:52 Adam You sound like Mr. Mooney from the, what the hell show was that? Oh, no. Mr. Mooney is from the Lucio Ball Show. Mrs. Carmichael.

1:09:09 Mrs. Carmichael.

1:09:11 Caller He's been doing a little party.

1:09:13 Adam All right, baby.

1:09:14 Caller There we go. But I do want to say hi to Drew and Adam. But my call is for Jim.

1:09:22 Yes.

1:09:23 Caller Hi, Jim. It's an honor to talk to you. How do you do? I'm doing great. I just want to say I love your television show.

1:09:32 Thank you.

1:09:33 Caller I'm so glad it's picked up again.

1:09:35 Thank you.

1:09:35 Caller You deserve it. And I just have a question about a movie you did with Tupac.

1:09:43 Yes.

1:09:44 Caller It's called Gang Related.

1:09:45 Yeah. Great. Great movie.

1:09:46 Caller Yes, it was. And I would like to know what it was like working with Tupac.

1:09:54 Well, Tupac, you know, he had that whole gangster rap thing going for him. But, you know, he had a really great, great allure. I mean, illusion about who he was. But on the set, he was a solid, professional actor, and we got along really great. And we, he was, he was a musician. And I'm a bit of a musician. And we actually did some verbal jazz together, is what I consider. We, we improvised a lot of scenes together. We never talked about what we're going to do. Sometimes I'll be up in a scene, you know, being a little louder, and he would kind of come underneath it like a rhythm guitar. And then the next take, he would kind of take the lead and I would come underneath. And we just had this great kind of chemistry and connection together.

1:10:45 Adam What year was that movie?

1:10:48 Caller Was that 95?

1:10:49 Yeah, I think 95.

1:10:50 Adam Sounds about right.

1:10:51 Caller I think so.

1:10:52 Yeah, it was a great experience working with him. And unfortunately, you know, with his death, we won't see any more because I thought he would develop it to quite a strong.

1:11:02 Caller I thought he could have too. He would have come a long way.

1:11:05 I loved him.

1:11:06 Caller His legend will live on.

1:11:08 And we had a funny thing because he brought him some Frank Sinatra CDs. He never listened to Frank Sinatra.

1:11:18 Drew Never heard him?

1:11:18 Oh, man, he loved Frank Sinatra.

1:11:20 Caller Really?

1:11:21 Oh, God. He wanted it. We were trying to figure out a rap version of Fly Me to the Moon. But he finally, you know, after about three days of like us screwing with it on the set, you know, trying to figure out a rap version, he goes, you know what? That melody that he sings is so beautiful. There's no way that note should change. So at least I brought him a little jazz, too.

1:11:45 Adam Hey, Kim. Thanks, baby.

1:11:47 Caller Well, can I have a comment for you, Adam? Can I ask you, please?

1:11:52 Adam All right, go ahead.

1:11:53 Caller Okay, last night I was listening and you were saying that all blondes over 40 are just ragged out and I didn't say that.

1:12:03 Drew Didn't say that.

1:12:04 Caller But I want to tell you that I am a hot 42 year old.

1:12:07 Adam Right.

1:12:08 Caller I bet I am hot, hot, hot.

1:12:10 Adam Yeah, you're hot because you're drunk, drunk, drunk. I'd be flaccid, flaccid, flaccid if you were with me. I guarantee you that.

1:12:18 Caller I have two children, no stretch marks. I'm five foot eight, 130 pounds.

1:12:23 Adam Yeah, you got that weird hair and some funky teeth.

1:12:26 Caller No, I have Farrah Fawcett hair. I am still called Farrah Fawcett. Right, right.

1:12:30 Drew You're fat.

1:12:31 Adam Farrah Fawcett circa 1977, right?

1:12:34 Caller I don't look like Farrah. I'm better looking than Farrah.

1:12:36 Drew You're being abusive now.

1:12:37 Adam Okay, all right.

1:12:38 Drew Give her her props.

1:12:39 Caller I just want you to know that not all 40-year-old women are over the hill.

1:12:42 Drew Thank you for standing up for yourself.

1:12:44 Adam No, I did not say that. All right. Listen.

1:12:47 Drew Why don't you say what you said?

1:12:48 Adam Here's what I said. I said that blonde women have a prime that probably is more of a prime than any other nationality. It trumps any nationality. But here's how it works. It's interesting how it works to me. And life is very even this way.

1:13:08 Drew Jim's already cracking up. He hasn't heard your point yet.

1:13:11 Adam Here's what I'm saying. Black women, Chinese women, Mexican women, they never have the prime that the blonde has. There's nothing hotter than a 19-year-old blonde with the blue eyes and the blonde hair and the legs and the whole thing. That's not a racial thing. It's a fact. Every nationality in the world is attracted to a leggy 19-year-old blonde. But the candle that burns bright burns a little shorter. Now the black woman can still look completely hot well into her 40s and 50s. She has a longer prime. If it was a graph, the blonde would fall off much faster than the nationalities that never hit that peak.

1:13:55 Caller Unbelievable with the time you spend thinking of these things.

1:13:58 Adam I do.

1:13:59 Caller I spend a lot of time. This is that North Hollywood thing you were talking about earlier, right?

1:14:04 Drew More explicitly, if the area under the curve would be greater for the black woman. Yeah.

1:14:09 Adam And Asian and Hispanic and I think all the way down the line, which is the higher your peak in your prime, the shorter it is.

1:14:20 Drew Do you think that's a skin issue, that our skin wrinkles and stuff when you're fairer?

1:14:25 Adam I think that's part of it. I haven't really exactly broken it down.

1:14:29 Caller Yeah, you gotta go to that level now because...

1:14:32 Adam But I'm real. I'm gonna work on it.

1:14:34 Caller Let's go to the science part of it now.

1:14:36 Adam Yes, it's melanin, right? Is that what the skin color is? Yeah, that could be it. The more of that, the longer your prime, but the less height you get. Lower the peak, that's right. All right, let's...

1:14:52 Drew We're gonna take three Jim calls.

1:14:54 Adam All right. We're starting off with...

1:14:57 Drew A Jim selection, yeah.

1:14:59 Adam Angel? You're 16? What's up? Oh, Jim has picked these calls.

1:15:04 Drew Well, no, this Jim has picked and or their calls for him.

1:15:06 Adam All right.

1:15:07 Caller I feel special now. I have two questions actually. Since I've been with my boyfriend, which has been about three months, I've been giving him like excessive hand jobs just in the most random places, whether, you know, parents are there or not. And...

1:15:18 Drew Who?

1:15:19 Best Of Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1:15:20 Drew Parents present?

1:15:21 Caller Yeah, well, they're not aware of what's going on, like in the back of the car when they're driving.

1:15:25 Wow.

1:15:26 Caller Under blankets in the living room.

1:15:28 Drew I'm willing to bet the parents know something's going on.

1:15:31 Caller Oh, they know we're sexually active, but they don't know what's going on at the time.

1:15:34 Drew No, I'm willing to bet. I mean, there's just pheromones, really, for God's sakes. You know what I mean? Parents are not born yesterday.

1:15:41 Caller Yeah.

1:15:42 Drew Unless it's the back of a trailer or something.

1:15:44 Caller It's been with a bagel.

1:15:47 Caller No. But I used to be a total self-conscious person, just hated sex, everything about it. And, I mean, I just can't stop now. Whether he finishes, he'll finish and I'll just keep going. I mean, I've done it like four times in a row before, and I'm wondering if there'd be something like psychologically wrong with me, why I can't stop.

1:16:04 Adam Hold on a second.

1:16:05 Drew Slow down. It doesn't turn you on?

1:16:07 Caller No, not at all.

1:16:08 Adam Well, hold on a second. We gotta get to that. But I wanna broach the four times in a row thing. Does that mean you just go, he goes four times in a row?

1:16:18 Caller Well, yeah, it was at his grandma's house and we'd go and he'd finish and I'd wait a few minutes and I'd just go again.

1:16:24 Caller Sounds like you guys are having kind of young fun.

1:16:29 Drew But she's not aroused by it.

1:16:30 Adam Do you do anything? Do you have sex with him?

1:16:35 Caller Yeah, but I can never, like I have a problem with orgasm.

1:16:38 Drew What is the fun in this for you? What do you get out of it?

1:16:41 Caller I don't know. That's the problem.

1:16:43 Adam What's in it for him? I mean, you're having sex. He's getting four handies in a row.

1:16:49 Caller I don't know.

1:16:50 Caller This guy's a star.

1:16:51 Adam And where's grandma during this?

1:16:53 Caller Just in a different room.

1:16:55 Adam You know how scared she is of her grandma? She's still alive.

1:16:59 Caller She's still alive.

1:17:01 Adam Is she going to roll in a number like three and a half or something?

1:17:04 Caller They have before. We've been walking them, but we kind of move. They never say anything about it. They know they never say anything.

1:17:12 Drew How old is he? Wow.

1:17:14 Adam And what does he have? Does he have hippie parents or are they drunk or what's up?

1:17:19 Caller No. They're actually really strict about it. Because we just recently told them we were having sex and they just kind of like...

1:17:25 Drew No more in the car.

1:17:26 Adam That's it.

1:17:27 Caller Not in the back of the car.

1:17:28 Adam Not until I get it Scotch guarded, for Christ's sake.

1:17:30 Caller And not four times in a row, it's going to hurt.

1:17:34 Drew You can't give a break in between.

1:17:35 Caller Yeah, a little longer break, 15 minutes.

1:17:38 Caller Well, even when I'm on the phone...

1:17:39 Adam You got the Thomas Guide all screwed up. Page 295 is stuck all the way through 427. That's all the San Fernando Valley.

1:17:49 Caller Well, even when I'm on the phone with him, I'll purposely turn him on and then try to get him off on the phone.

1:17:56 Drew And that does nothing for you, does it give you a sense of power, control?

1:17:59 Caller No, not really, I mean...

1:18:00 Caller Does it make you feel powerful to be able to have that kind of effect on somebody else?

1:18:05 Caller I actually think it's funny. I mean, I don't know why, but I think it's funny.

1:18:09 Caller Okay.

1:18:10 Adam Anything we need to know about in your past?

1:18:13 Caller No, not really. I mean, I used to, a cousin used to like touch me when I was like eight or nine, but I don't... It wasn't for like a long period of time.

1:18:23 Adam Well, how many times did it happen?

1:18:25 Caller I'd say probably five or six.

1:18:28 Adam Yeah, anytime though we talk to someone who has a lot of sexual energy, especially young girl and especially one who's doing a lot of sex or performing a lot, but doesn't seem to get anything out of it, we got to believe it's being driven by some energy from the past. You know what we're saying, Angel?

1:18:46 Caller Yeah.

1:18:47 Adam So, I mean, you're calling because this is an issue, feels a little strange to you.

1:18:52 Caller Yeah.

1:18:52 Adam Maybe you should examine this a little more closely. I mean, it's definitely something going on.

1:18:57 Drew Now, are you sleeping normally?

1:19:00 Caller Well, I have been depressed, major, I've been diagnosed with major depression, so, I mean, it's off and on.

1:19:05 Drew Well, listen, maybe this isn't unipolar depression, maybe it's bipolar depression.

1:19:10 Caller Actually, my sister, my older sister has that.

1:19:13 Drew Yeah, I think you might have it too. Just the pressured speech and the manic sexual acting out and the dyskinaldus stuff has a high manic quality to it. And so, are you on antidepressants now?

1:19:28 Caller No, not anymore. I was on it when I was cutting, but she said I stopped cutting that I didn't need to be on it.

1:19:34 Drew You're a cutter?

1:19:35 Caller I was.

1:19:35 Drew All right. So, really, this suggests, you know, cutting is sort of a borderline thing, that there's a lot of character. Are you a borderline too?

1:19:43 Caller No, not that I know of.

1:19:44 Drew Okay. So, there's a bunch of stuff going on here, Angel. Make sure you're careful by a psychiatrist, not just a primary care doctor.

1:19:50 Adam Okay. Yeah. You didn't talk about it. If I tried to go for number four, my balls would turn inside out at this age.

1:20:00 Caller At this age, yeah.

1:20:01 Drew Yeah, at 17 you'd be fine though.

1:20:02 Caller 15, 17, four would have been just a morning wake up call.

1:20:07 Adam Come out of my urethra. I'd have to stuff them back into my urethra. That's just number two pencil to get my balls back in.

1:20:14 Drew She'd have to come out and go.

1:20:15 Adam Yeah, well, it's just to blow it back down. Now, you don't understand. Blow job. No, no, no, no. You must understand, Sweet Pea. I want you to blow. I gotta get my balls back in place. Oh my God, four. Sitting down with dad in the front seat. Probably listening to like Perry Como, too, I mean.

1:20:34 Drew Fly me to the moon.

1:20:37 Adam I mean, imagine. I mean, that's what you can do at 15, everybody. Let's talk to Seth, who has a question for Jim. Seth?

1:20:45 Caller Yeah.

1:20:46 Adam Hey.

1:20:47 Caller Hey, Adam. Hey, Drew.

1:20:48 Caller Love the show.

1:20:49 Adam Thanks.

1:20:49 Caller Thank you.

1:20:50 Caller I just want to do a compliment, Jim, on his work in the animated series, Gargoyles.

1:20:57 Adam The one that was on, was that on Fox?

1:21:00 Caller Yeah, it was on Fox or Toon Disney, depending on where you lived.

1:21:03 Caller Yeah, Fang.

1:21:04 Adam Is that?

1:21:05 Caller Yeah, I played Fang.

1:21:06 Adam Is that still on? I know it was a couple of years old.

1:21:09 Caller I don't know.

1:21:09 Caller I was five, six years old.

1:21:10 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:21:10 Caller It was back in, it started back in 94.

1:21:13 Caller Yeah, in 94.

1:21:13 Caller In 97, and you can still catch reruns on an occasional Disney channel now and again.

1:21:19 Caller Oh, gee, I haven't gotten any residuals. Boy, thanks for bringing that up. I'm going to have to chase down those checks.

1:21:26 Adam Yeah, I don't know if they do, I don't know, I don't think they do residuals on cartoons.

1:21:30 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:21:31 Adam They do?

1:21:31 Caller Sure, they do.

1:21:32 Adam I'm getting after too, because I did Buzz Lightyear, the cartoon, and they air those all the time. I never get any money out of that. Really?

1:21:41 Caller No, yeah, I mean, they'll buy you out for 10 runs, but after that, you know, you need to... Have you changed your address at all?

1:21:50 Adam No.

1:21:50 Caller Because you could call SAG and they have a box of checks there that aren't claimed.

1:21:55 Adam Well, I like to go down and get some of those.

1:21:57 Caller Oh, yeah, honestly, God, they do. I check it every four or five years.

1:22:01 Adam You do? You just call them up and give them your name, say you got anything with my name on it over there?

1:22:06 Caller Basically.

1:22:07 Wow.

1:22:08 Adam Wow.

1:22:09 Caller After I was saying...

1:22:10 Drew They can find you to send you the ballots. Why don't they...

1:22:13 Caller Well, sometimes when you go through different address changes, the companies...

1:22:16 Adam I'm going to try that. I'm going to call them up Monday. Hey, I'm Jim Belushi. What do you got? You don't recognize the gargoyle voice?

1:22:24 Drew Oh, wait a minute, Donald Schwarzenegger.

1:22:27 Adam I'll be over. Yeah, just get them all, put them in a manila envelope, and I'll send my assistant Adam to come pick them up. Nappy headed guy with the big teeth. You'll know. No questions, just give it to him. Alright, let's take a break. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. Not just Loveline, the best of the best of Loveline. And next guy is a big, big, big star who came into Loveline Studios a couple of years back, had a chance to go visit him in his Michigan studio to do a little Crank Yankers not too long ago. Please welcome Eminem.

1:23:31 Caller Hello, hello, hello.

1:23:33 Adam It is Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Forget about the fax number. Eminem is our guest tonight. Are you working with Dr. Dre this time around?

1:23:46 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:23:47 Adam And you're recording it out here in Los Angeles?

1:23:49 Caller Yeah. I mean, I work with Dre on the last one, but Dre only produced three cuts and he pretty much executive produced the whole last album, but this album, Dre is more involved.

1:24:00 Adam And he sort of signed you, discovered you in a way?

1:24:05 Caller Yeah. Discovered me, I guess you could say. I was getting in a lot of rap contests and winning a lot of rap competitions or whatever. And he had just heard a tape, like a tape we had pressed up called the Slim Shady EP, as opposed to the LP that's out now.

1:24:21 Adam Right.

1:24:22 Caller You know, it was like six songs and three of the songs made it to the LP, but three of them didn't. And Dre just heard it and he liked it.

1:24:30 Adam I was reading in, I guess it was an LA. Times article on you that he heard you rapping on an LA station.

1:24:38 Caller That's what had happened. I mean, that's how he knew I was in town. You know what I'm saying? He didn't, I don't think he knew really how to get in touch with me or whatever.

1:24:46 Adam Right. So he knew you were in LA if you're on a local station and then he contacted you. Was he a hero of yours? I mean, was it really cool that Dr. Dre found you?

1:24:56 Caller At one time, Dre was. I mean, especially with NWA, you know, the whole, that whole NWA era, whatever. And just as a producer, you know, Dre was like, kind of like an idol to me, you know what I'm saying? Somebody who, you know, as I started growing up and rapping and getting good at it, you know, I always said, you know, if I ever got with Dre, it'd be over. You know what I'm saying?

1:25:18 Adam So I mean, like five years ago, if I would have asked you if there's one guy you could have to produce you.

1:25:23 Caller I would have said Dre. I would have said Dre seven years ago.

1:25:26 Adam Right. So that's good then, right?

1:25:28 Caller Yeah, it is good. It's kind of ironic.

1:25:30 Adam Right. I mean, ironic good. All right. We're going to take some calls. You know how the show goes? We talk to screwed up people and we make fun of them. And then Drew gives them good advice. Wow.

1:25:40 Caller I don't know how to make fun of screwed up people. Oh, it's really new at this.

1:25:43 Adam Just stick with me. Sarah?

1:25:44 Yeah.

1:25:45 Drew So Sarah's got the bisexual roommate.

1:25:47 Adam Right.

1:25:47 Drew The boyfriend that wants to...

1:25:48 Adam You're 18, your roommate's bisexual.

1:25:51 Caller Yeah.

1:25:51 Adam And your boyfriend wants to have a threesome.

1:25:53 Caller Yeah.

1:25:54 Adam How long has he been your boyfriend?

1:25:56 Caller Only like a month.

1:25:57 Drew How old is he?

1:25:58 Caller He's 21.

1:25:59 Drew What do you think this says about him?

1:26:02 Caller I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I don't really know him that well, so...

1:26:07 Drew Well, now you know something new about him.

1:26:08 Adam Yeah. Well, he's, he wants to take advantage of the situation. How serious are you two?

1:26:17 Caller I mean, we're pretty serious.

1:26:18 Caller I mean, we don't see other people, you know, so I don't know. I don't know.

1:26:24 Adam And are you bisexual?

1:26:27 Caller No. No, not at all.

1:26:29 Adam And what does your roommate think about this?

1:26:31 Caller Well, she's kind of like, she can't believe she's like, I can't believe you've never thought about it. Well, I mean, she's into it too.

1:26:39 Caller Oh boy. Yeah. Yeah.

1:26:41 Adam Those two are going to get you drunk. I guarantee they're making plans to get you drunk as we speak. They're at the liquor store right now. And that's how it's going to work. You guys are going to get drunk, then you're going to do it.

1:26:56 Drew No, no, no. It could work.

1:26:58 Adam It could work that way.

1:26:59 Drew Now, how about maybe you think twice about who this guy is and what his feelings are about you and what his level of commitment is to this relationship?

1:27:06 Adam Well, maybe...

1:27:08 Drew Which is nil, zero.

1:27:09 Adam All right, so why not have the threesome? That's a good argument for the threesome, right?

1:27:12 Drew For him, she doesn't want to have one. That's not even in her thinking.

1:27:17 Caller Why don't you just try it and if you don't like it, then come be with me.

1:27:23 Adam That's my plan for the future, too, by the way, Eminem, so be ready.

1:27:28 Drew What is he going to try, though?

1:27:28 Adam I've been trying to have a threesome for 19 years now, but as soon as I have one, if I don't like it, and the good news for you, Eminem, I think I'm going to enjoy it. That's what you should book on.

1:27:38 Caller That's the good news for me?

1:27:39 Adam Right, because if I don't enjoy it...

1:27:41 Drew He's coming to you.

1:27:42 Adam I'm coming to you. All right, Sarah?

1:27:44 Caller Yeah.

1:27:44 Adam All right, don't do anything you don't want to do then.

1:27:47 Caller Oh, but, okay.

1:27:49 Drew Things are not what they seem.

1:27:50 Adam But what?

1:27:51 Caller I don't think, because, I don't know, I don't want him to...

1:27:53 Caller She wants to do it. Listen to it.

1:27:55 Drew No, no, she wants to make him happy and keep him around and this kind of BS. Come on.

1:28:02 Adam Do you want to do it, Sarah?

1:28:04 Caller No, not really.

1:28:05 Drew But you wish he didn't want to do it, but you want to keep him happy, right? Yeah.

1:28:10 Adam All right.

1:28:10 Drew It's all the wrong reasons, all the wrong impulses.

1:28:13 Adam Drew, I'll explain something to Eminem about my partner Drew. He will not rest until women stop making men happy.

1:28:20 Drew Yeah.

1:28:20 Adam That is his goal in life. He wants to eliminate threesomes, oral sex, cooking. What else do you want to knock off the list?

1:28:29 Drew Only if men are equally focused on making women happy in that exchange. You know what I'm saying?

1:28:35 Adam Yeah, but men do other things to make women happy.

1:28:38 Caller Oh, that's so sweet.

1:28:39 Adam His wife's listening. Kelly? Oh, man. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

1:28:43 What?

1:28:44 Drew You got two.

1:28:44 Adam What's she doing there? I'm pressing two.

1:28:46 Drew Oh.

1:28:46 All right.

1:28:47 Adam You got another call there, Drew? Like it matters which one you pick, right? Hussein?

1:28:52 Yeah?

1:28:53 Adam You're 16?

1:28:55 Caller Yeah.

1:28:55 Adam What's going on?

1:28:56 Caller First of all, I just want to say you guys really kick ass.

1:29:00 Adam Thanks.

1:29:00 Caller I really like your show. You know, you guys helping people. And Eminem, I have great love for your music. And me and Haleo's all the way behind you supporting you, man.

1:29:10 Caller Thank you. Thank you.

1:29:13 Caller I know you guys might be disappointed, but I totally made up the call just to say Eminem is really tight.

1:29:18 Drew That's actually good because that's the kind of call we're actually looking for right then.

1:29:21 Caller That's actually the best call of the night. And I didn't even listen to the rest of the night, but that's the best call.

1:29:26 Caller All right, man.

1:29:27 Caller I just really want to say it's tight. Can I get my address to you over commercial or something? Because I really want your signature for a new CD.

1:29:37 Adam Okay.

1:29:37 Caller All right, thanks, man.

1:29:39 Adam All right, we'll put you on hold.

1:29:40 Drew Somebody will take it in a minute.

1:29:41 Adam Lisa, we're going to put line one on hold, and Eminem is going to sign his CD and then send it back to him. Jessica?

1:29:50 Caller Yeah.

1:29:50 Adam You're 15?

1:29:51 Caller Yeah.

1:29:52 Adam You want to give your boyfriend a good hand job?

1:29:55 Caller Yeah, I need some tips.

1:29:56 Adam You need tips?

1:29:57 Caller Yeah.

1:29:59 Adam And because you've never done this before?

1:30:03 Caller No, I'm like new at this.

1:30:05 Adam Why are you going to do it for him?

1:30:06 Caller Well, because I want to and it's because he wants to, obviously.

1:30:12 Adam And you discussed it with him?

1:30:14 Caller What?

1:30:15 Adam Did you have this conversation with him?

1:30:18 Caller Sort of.

1:30:19 Drew Is he pushing you for more than that or is that? That's just where he's...

1:30:22 Adam Just wants a hand job.

1:30:24 Caller Yo, this girl's only 15 years old.

1:30:28 Caller Yeah.

1:30:28 Caller No, no, no, see, see, I like, I've kind of brought it up a little bit.

1:30:32 Adam You brought it up?

1:30:33 Caller Yeah.

1:30:34 Adam The hand job?

1:30:35 Caller Yeah. Right.

1:30:37 Adam Okay. You know, I don't know what happens. There's a certain, like, when's the last time you got a hand job, Drew, like 1971?

1:30:45 Drew Oh, gee, let me check my calendar.

1:30:47 Adam Yeah, go check your hand job calendar out.

1:30:49 Drew What's the question you ever asked me?

1:30:51 Adam Well, no, it isn't.

1:30:53 Drew Yeah, you've asked me over and over again.

1:30:54 Adam Eminem, when's the last time you got a hand job?

1:30:56 Caller Last night.

1:30:57 Adam Last night? Really?

1:31:00 Caller Yes, it was.

1:31:00 Adam Really? Do you enjoy hand jobs?

1:31:04 Caller It's cool. It's cool.

1:31:06 Adam But don't you think, how old are you?

1:31:08 Caller Huh?

1:31:08 Adam Are you 25?

1:31:09 Caller 25.

1:31:10 Caller Have you?

1:31:10 Caller The whole, the whole, I don't know, the whole condom thing doesn't really work for me. You know what I'm saying? So I just don't use them.

1:31:20 Adam So that's a very positive message you're putting forth to the kids.

1:31:23 Caller Nah, nah, nah. It just, it, it, it, it, it, it.

1:31:26 Drew He just, he just has mutual masturbation.

1:31:27 Adam It goes with the hand job. Right. See, my...

1:31:30 Caller I didn't say somebody else gave me one.

1:31:32 Adam My, oh, I understand. Yeah. I was gonna say, because a hand job, someone else at the helm of my penis does not work for me. Because my penis is so used to my own hand that it's like a lock that cannot work with another key.

1:31:46 Drew Well, it's never really, well, it's never really without it.

1:31:49 Adam Right. I mean, my, my...

1:31:50 Drew In fact, how would you, how would that person sort of slip themselves in?

1:31:54 Adam Their hand would have to be the exact same size as my hand in order to fall into the slots that I've worn into my penis over the years.

1:32:01 Drew And they'd have to trick your hand out of position.

1:32:03 Adam Yeah, my hand would never, would never be tricked out of position. Jessica? I've never been with a woman. All right. Here's, here are my hand job tips. Eminem, you jump in if you have anything you want to add. Don't worry about the base so much, the foundation of the Eiffel Tower. Try to stay up around the, the, you know, the lookout, the observatory at the top there.

1:32:28 Caller The mushroom restaurant.

1:32:29 Adam Right. Go to, go to where the restaurant is, not the elevator, not where the elevator is down at the bottom there, not where, not where you park. All right. So we'll focus on that. Try to get a little rhythm going, meaning try to be consistent. Don't be jumping, jumping all over the place. Try to keep a little consistency. If you really want to freak them out, just go and spit right on your hand, right before you do it, just to let them know you mean business. And if you like, you could put your thumb in his ass, but that's just an option. And don't do that. No, don't do that. You're 15, 15 years old.

1:33:06 Drew But well, that's your friend, I was serious.

1:33:08 Adam All right.

1:33:08 Caller I'm saying don't do that period. Not a girl did that. If a girl did that to me, we'd have problems.

1:33:13 Adam The thumb?

1:33:13 Caller Yeah, the whole thumb thing is not working for me.

1:33:16 Adam No, I don't like it either, but you know, some 15 year old guys enjoy nice thumbing.

1:33:21 Caller And get go, go in your bathroom and get your mother's baby oil. Mothers always had baby oil, all right?

1:33:28 Caller Okay. Yeah.

1:33:30 Adam And any of that lubriderm or nivea or any of that stuff will work too, all right?

1:33:34 Caller Okay. Oh boy.

1:33:35 Adam And let's see, put a lot of perfume on so he can close his eyes and think he's in a whorehouse and just be consistent, all right?

1:33:47 Caller Thank you so much.

1:33:48 Adam All right. But, you know, just as a disclaimer, if you don't want to do it, don't do it.

1:33:52 Caller Oh, no.

1:33:52 Adam I understand. As long as you do it. And don't be so rough with the guy.

1:33:56 Caller Okay.

1:33:56 Adam I won't rip it off. Take it easy. Be soothing.

1:34:00 Caller Okay.

1:34:00 Adam All right. There you go. Okay. Well, this is quite a job I have.

1:34:05 Drew Yes. I helped another minion.

1:34:07 Adam I'm 35 years old. I sit here until a 15-year-old said he would jerk off.

1:34:12 Drew And when we get into that material, it's just pleasing and makes me proud.

1:34:16 Adam Let's take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back with the best of the best of the best of Loveline after this.

1:34:24 Caller All right, guys.

1:34:24 Caller Here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:34:29 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:34:30 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:31 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:34:33 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:34:35 1-800-CALL-LA-BINE.

1:34:47 Adam Well, what do you know? And listen to that music, Drew, do you know what that band is?

1:34:53 Drew Coldplay?

1:34:53 Adam Yeah. I'm quick, I'm quick. Lightning, woo, white lightning. Yes, that is Coldplay, and I wanna thank them for coming in, even though they had no choice tonight. Snoop Dogg, Jimmy Kimmel, of course, dear, dear, dear friend, Jimmy Kimmel, Eminem, Jim Belushi, and of course, Dr. Drew. And last of all, I'd like to thank me, and then me again. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew and the best of the best of Loveline, saying mahalo.

1:35:25 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:35:29 Adam The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or the station.

1:35:37 Caller The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:35:39 Caller Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, December 27, 2004