Episode 1000668827009

1:26 Adam That phone number. Wait, one thing they shouldn't forget about, Dr. Drew, still board certified addiction medicine specialist?

1:35 Drew And still enjoying Loveline, never more than a show like this.

1:39 Adam Why, Drew?

1:39 Drew because this is the best of Loveline.

1:41 Adam How so?

1:42 Drew Well, pray tell. We will be out skiing, I imagine.

1:45 Adam We will be.

1:46 Drew I will be, in fact. I'll be in the Sun Valley of Idaho.

1:48 Adam And I'll tell you, I'll be skiing too, if it's on TiVo, because that is my new alternative life.

1:54 Drew Surfing for you.

1:55 Best Of Whatever's on.

1:56 Adam No, no, I don't mean channel surfing. I mean, I will be doing whatever I TiVo.

2:00 Drew That, literally, think about that.

2:02 Best Of No, I've now, think how you do it.

2:03 Adam I have now blurred the lines between life and TiVo. You understand?

2:08 Drew I understand.

2:09 Adam I'll be playing in the Super Bowl this year.

2:11 Drew I see.

2:11 Adam World Series, NASCAR, it never ends.

2:14 Drew I thought it referred to your habits of watching the No. Cinemax.

2:18 Adam As usual, you misunderstand.

2:20 Drew Well, anyway, tonight, beginning with Jay Mohr and Julianne Nicholson.

2:25 Best Of Yeah.

2:25 Drew But Jay Mohr is always a good guest, and it was a pleasure to see him again. And that's how I heard him tonight on The Family Guy, doing a voice of a television executive.

2:32 Best Of All right.

2:33 Adam Let's edit this part out.

2:34 Drew Let's get to it.

2:36 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, Adam Carolla, it's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LME-191. Julianne Nicholson is here tonight. Jay Mohr, seeing other people, is the name of the movie. Jay Mohr is like some 50s character. He sees everyone in the hall. Hey, kid, looking good. What's your name again, kid?

2:52 Best Of That's right, baby.

2:53 Adam Yeah, here's a quarter, looking good. Keep up the good work. Chris, hey, buddy, nice job on the board. Looking good, looking sharp. All right.

2:59 Best Of That's how it goes, man.

3:00 Adam Can you get these shoes polished for me?

3:02 Best Of Hey, now go get your shine box, Chris.

3:05 Adam You want a nip? You want a nip? Yeah, you're good, okay.

3:08 Best Of Hey, hey, hey, lauren, cute kid. You're adorable, keep it up. But that's what, I'm nice to people?

3:13 Adam No, it's good.

3:13 Best Of Everyone thinks I'm a jerk.

3:15 Adam No, no, it just comes across as a disorder, though. It's sincere. Yeah.

3:18 Best Of Now, how does the pain does not come across? Ask lauren right now and ask Chris if they think I'll be, I pat him on the back and you just walk him by for no reason.

3:25 Adam You gave him a cracker, you pat him on the head like Benny Hill would do the little ball.

3:28 Drew What, are you Mexican?

3:29 Best Of Yeah, you got to be nice to them. They'll rise up. You got to be nice to the Mexicans.

3:32 Drew They'll rise up.

3:33 They'll rise up.

3:35 Best Of Yo, dude, that's messed up.

3:36 Adam Scratch themselves and be back for another nap. Don't worry. Now, tell me.

3:40 Oh, my God.

3:41 Adam Yeah, they'll rise up.

3:42 All right, now look. Hold on, Jay.

3:44 Adam I want to talk about your panic disorder because Drew... Yeah, I want to let people know that if the Dr. Drews of the world and the Jay Mohrs of the world can have panic disorder...

3:54 Best Of Then they should buy my book.

3:55 Adam Then they should buy Drew's book.

3:56 Best Of And I'll come back before the book comes out and we can do a whole thing about it.

4:00 Adam What is?

4:01 Best Of As opposed to taking away from the Julianne Nicholson times.

4:03 Adam Give us a panic disorder story. Saturday Night Live.

4:07 Drew You're on SNL.

4:08 Best Of It's irrational. I was not in any sketches for like the fifth week in a row. And I sat in my dressing room. And Roseanne was the host. And I sat and I positioned my chair in my dressing room so that it was directly under the TV that hangs from the ceiling so that if it fell, I would be killed.

4:24 Drew And why was he panicking?

4:26 Best Of No, I was just most depressed ever. And then as I just, after sketch, after sketch, and like the sketches suck, you know, sometimes. Right. And then I just sat there and I thought, I can't catch my breath. And then all of a sudden I thought, oh my God, I can't catch my breath. And I have to crap and throw up. And everything on the inside of me has to be on the inside of me. And then I have, I'm leaving. Like I'm dying. And I ran all the way to the hospital on Second Avenue.

4:51 Adam The thing I find interesting about it is you didn't have a sketch that night.

4:55 Drew He was depressed.

4:56 Adam I understand. But my instinct would be he's doing a sketch at the end of the night and the panic attack kicks in.

5:04 Best Of No, but see that's, I'm in show business. I'm a comic. So that's when everything's working out. That's stimulus response. The stimulus is you hand in a sketch, you're writing.

5:11 Drew But he doesn't have the stuff to focus on. He gets the panic.

5:13 Adam Right.

5:14 Best Of For me, it was all lack of structure.

5:15 Adam It feels like depression. It seems a weird place for a panic to come in.

5:19 Drew My depression was all depression.

5:21 Adam It was.

5:21 Drew Oh, depression is a good cause for panic and generalized anxiety, both. Really?

5:26 Best Of But panic isn't as bad as, panic is the worst thing in the world because it's so irrational, like nothing causes it.

5:31 Adam Right. So your heart just starts, you're dying.

5:34 Best Of You're absolutely dying.

5:36 Drew You can't describe it.

5:37 Best Of Someone's pushing it. If you push in on your Adam's apple, it's like that feeling all the time and you have to crap.

5:43 Drew And then every person somatically feels it differently, but in the brain, it's a discharge. It's completely dysregulated.

5:51 Best Of Of endorphins and adrenaline.

5:52 Drew Imagine you just jumped off the Titanic, middle of the ocean, you're starting to get sucked down.

5:56 Adam Right. That's the feeling.

5:57 Best Of That like I have to fight to get out of this world.

5:59 Drew But you're just sitting there.

6:00 Adam Right.

6:00 Drew That's it. At least you could be physically active.

6:02 Best Of You're just at a movie watching the screen and all of a sudden, the car's on fire and your seatbelt won't come loose.

6:08 Adam Well, I've never had one, but I picture it like kind of like Fred Samford when he would say he's coming later.

6:13 Drew But some people it's that way for me. For me, it felt like I was either having a seizure or going crazy because your mind races out of control. You feel like it's completely...

6:20 Adam So what is the best move? Let's say you can't get to a hospital. Did you actually went to a hospital?

6:25 Best Of I ran to the hospital and I always thought I was going to pass out too, which is weird because you don't pass out when your heart races. You pass when it drops. Yeah.

6:31 Drew People get the feeling they're going to pass out. Well, you can hyperventilate until you pass out.

6:34 Best Of I ran home and my roommate had Valium and I'd never taken Valium before. I called my dad and mom because my mom's a nurse and my dad doesn't know it all. I said, if I take this Valium, what will happen? My dad's like, let me look it up in the PED. What is it called? PDR. The PDR. It says here it cures anxiety.

6:52 Adam It says PED. Go ahead.

6:53 Best Of I was like, gulp. I just sat in the bathtub for a little while in water that unfortunately was not deep enough to drown me.

7:00 Adam I can't believe you called your dad to do some drugs though.

7:04 Best Of No, because I'm a bit of a pillophobe so I didn't want to take something like in case I was allergic to it.

7:09 Adam All right. It's weird. So you called your dad. He said cool.

7:11 Best Of So you took the pallium. I took it and then feeling normal became absolutely euphoric.

7:16 Adam Oh yeah.

7:17 Best Of And one of the chapters of the book is nothing is as beautiful as having things the way they were.

7:22 Adam Yeah.

7:22 Best Of And just being normal and having normal like fear and pissed off-ness, festivity. And then I went back to the show and I was like just absolutely euphoric and I was telling everyone I had a panic attack.

7:32 Adam You went back the next day or that night?

7:33 Best Of No, that night. It was like in the middle of a show. And then Sarah Silverman said, Oh, that's a panic attack. You have to go see my doctor, Noel Taylor. She saved my life. Go ahead. And then I left a message and the doctor called me back and said she could see me first thing Monday. So then I only had to get through Sunday. And then she said you just have a real basic panic disorder. How many panic attacks have you had? I said I had about three.

7:56 Drew But you were depressed too. Did you treat the depression?

7:58 Best Of No, I didn't. I never had depression really.

8:00 Drew You sat on the TV waiting for it to fall on your head.

8:03 Best Of It's this place. But that's appropriate depression. I'm not working at the place. It's situational depression. That's not like I wake up depressed. I'm happy all the time. Julianne Nicholson, best actress of I'm so not.

8:17 Adam Let me ask this. Do people who have more brain cells to rub together, do they have panic attack more so than I do?

8:25 Drew I think it's that we've talked about.

8:27 Adam That's convenient, Jay.

8:29 Drew We talked about the auto-nomic tone you and I have talked about. I think we've got three engines running high, engines running low.

8:36 Adam Right. Yeah. He's got a Coxo 49 engine buzzing in his brain. Yeah, you too.

8:43 Drew You?

8:43 Adam It's not good for anything.

8:44 Drew Right. You?

8:45 Adam I got the engine from the African Queen. Just kind of chugging and smoke bellowing out, barely moving.

8:54 Best Of Julianne Nicholson.

8:55 Adam Stop it.

8:56 Best Of Why?

8:57 I have not had a panic attack.

8:58 Adam You haven't?

8:59 Drew No. You're one of those people.

9:01 Adam Throw it in there.

9:01 Best Of You've had anxiety attacks, though.

9:03 Yeah, big anxiety.

9:04 But never that like pressure.

9:06 Best Of You know, the synonym.

9:06 My heart is going to stop thing.

9:08 Best Of I'm sorry, sweetheart.

9:09 Adam No, that's...

9:10 Best Of I'm done for another ten minutes.

9:11 Adam No, what's the anxiety attack?

9:13 Best Of Anxiety, the synonym is fear. No, anxiety, the synonym in Webster's is care. And in panic, the synonym is fear. So they're like complete opposites by definition. Anxiety is stimulus response. Your boss is yelling at you. And then eventually, if you keep yelling at it, and yelling at you, then one day you're driving to work and you get an anxiety attack. because that's the building where you get yelled at.

9:34 Like right now.

9:36 Best Of Julianne Nicholson.

9:36 I'm not, and my heart's starting to break.

9:38 Best Of Is it really?

9:39 No.

9:40 Best Of Just why can't you be like, you could be like the Rolando Blackman on like the Mavericks and just sit back in the cut. You get a pass, drain your three every once in a while, and you jog back up the court.

9:49 Adam Yeah, why can't you be like Rolando Blackman?

9:50 You know, if I knew who he was, I would try to be like him.

9:53 Best Of Kyle, colored guy.

9:55 Okay, I'll work that.

9:56 Adam You're 19? You're 19. I'm guessing he's not prone to panic attacks.

10:04 Best Of Julianne Nicholson.

10:06 Adam Kyle.

10:07 Drew African Queen.

10:08 Adam What's your question? Yeah.

10:10 Best Of Funky father.

10:12 Adam All right. I'm done with Kyle.

10:13 Drew Yeah, okay.

10:14 Adam I said many years ago we should stop talking to guys on this show.

10:16 Drew Oh, you have said that. You've been right.

10:19 Adam Tiffany? Tiffany?

10:23 Yeah, hi.

10:25 Adam Well, they got a double clutch on that. First one has just been for air.

10:30 Drew Tiffany's 21. What's going on?

10:32 Oh, I have a problem. I'm going out on the limb calling y'all.

10:36 Drew All right, go ahead.

10:38 Around a year and a half ago, they said I had cervical cancer.

10:42 Drew They said it. Did they treat it?

10:43 Yeah, they froze my cervix and they removed all the cancer cells and they said they thought everything was fine, that it shouldn't recur.

10:51 Drew Let me just stop you for a second. Did you have a conization also or just for the cryotherapy?

10:57 I don't remember.

10:58 Drew I think it was just a crowd therapy. There's a study just came out this week that showed that something, we've kind of talked about it a little bit, but most of the cervical cancers, the ones at least that are really meaningful, occur just at the mouth of the cervix. The cervix is like a donut with a hole in the middle of it. And the most of it occurs right in the hole in the middle. And the conization is they cut that out and cut the middle out. And this study just came out that showed that women that have had that procedure have a much, much higher incidence of miscarriage.

11:24 Okay. Well, I've been engaged...

11:26 Best Of She's like, whatever, Drew, let me keep going. That's very Buddhist to cut out the hole.

11:30 Adam Yeah. I was just thinking about adding my creamy filling.

11:33 That's all I could think about when you talked about it.

11:39 But my problem is, is I've been engaged for a year and a half, and I love my fiancé, and I want to pleasure him, and I want to be with him, and all the emotional attachments that come with it. But my problem is, is ever since I've had that surgery, it hurts, and I don't want to talk to him about it. I've gone to doctors, and they said there's no scar tissue, there's nothing, and I'm just doesn't know what to do.

12:01 Hold on a second. Hold on now.

12:02 Drew So you've had recent pap smears, right?

12:04 Yes.

12:05 Drew And recently, there's no recurrence, there's no wart virus, there's nothing like that?

12:09 There's nothing.

12:10 Drew And have you had an ultrasound to see if there's some other problem that might be causing the pain, like endometriosis or something?

12:15 I've been in the hospital for a month and a half. I tried everything.

12:18 Drew You were in the hospital for a month and a half?

12:20 Yeah, because they were running tests. I was in and out for a month and a half.

12:24 Adam She even called Jay's dad at one point when she broke down.

12:26 Drew He doesn't know it all.

12:27 Best Of He knows.

12:28 Drew You weren't in the hospital for a month and a half.

12:30 Adam She's at her wits end, Jay.

12:31 Drew You were in the hospital for a month and a half?

12:34 Well, the first time I was in because my stomach's blown up. And then in and out, I'm doing well.

12:40 Drew All right, Tiffany, wait, wait, wait, wait.

12:42 Best Of Let's get into a tunnel.

12:43 Adam Wait a minute, the phone's gone all funky. Now you think something's up with Tiffany.

12:46 Drew Now we've got to get to the next stuff.

12:47 Adam We do?

12:48 Drew Yeah, yeah.

12:49 Adam We can't just label our nuts and move forward? No.

12:52 Drew You can't, but we're not going to.

12:53 Adam Tiffany?

12:56 Drew Just give me a yes or no. Were you sexually abused growing up?

13:01 Adam No.

13:01 Drew That was a no?

13:02 That was a faint no.

13:03 Adam That was a faint no.

13:03 Best Of No, but the whole thing's, what's going on with this show?

13:06 Drew It's the world's famous K-Rock.

13:08 If it's for our phone, it's hers.

13:10 Best Of Stryker, you can put a chimp behind the board and do what he does.

13:13 Adam Stryker's a pro. There's no doubt about it.

13:16 Best Of And that's his real name.

13:18 Drew She's had extensive evaluation. She's got somatic preoccupations, much like Jay Mohr. And they can't explain it. It's something called dyspareunia, which is pain within our course. It could be a hundred different things. All she can really do is keep going back and try to look for an explanation. I will tell you, though, that when, that nine times out of ten, plus when women have unexplained pelvic pain, it ends up being a sexual abuse history.

13:39 Adam Nate?

13:40 Best Of In the meantime, keep going down on him like you're drowning and his nuts have oxygen.

13:45 Right.

13:47 Adam Yeah.

13:47 Drew Yeah, thank you, Jay Mohr.

13:48 Best Of Well, look, she said she wants to pleasure him.

13:50 Drew Coming out of the movie this week?

13:51 Best Of No, she said, I really want to pleasure him, but it hurts.

13:55 Adam No, and it's true, like women are always like, I don't know what to do.

13:58 Best Of Just put the tip in.

13:59 Adam Yeah, get in, get going.

14:01 Best Of Doesn't he know how to be gentle? He's got to be like a savage and like, you know, do the whole thing every time, get through the whole donut.

14:06 Drew But it's all kinds.

14:08 Adam It does.

14:08 Drew Yeah, okay.

14:10 Adam Nate?

14:10 Drew Yeah.

14:11 Adam Savage. You're 17.

14:14 Caller Yeah, hey, guys, what's up?

14:15 Adam What's happening?

14:16 Drew Hey, what's happening?

14:18 Caller Look, I was calling to ask Drew what the dangers are with an irregular bowel movement.

14:25 Drew What do you mean by that?

14:27 Caller All right, like...

14:29 Best Of Julianne Nicholson?

14:30 Caller Yeah.

14:30 Adam Comes out.

14:31 Drew See other people? Comes out like...

14:33 Adam Comes out. The movie comes out as a singer, but his comes out like a topiary.

14:39 Drew Quentin Hatch?

14:41 Caller From, like, when I was in the sixth grade, up until about a year ago, I used to, like, I wouldn't take it over very much at all, like...

14:48 Adam Hold on, hold on, I'm writing. Slow down. Go ahead. All right, Nate.

14:52 Caller All right, like, once a month.

14:54 Adam Once a month. Once a month.

14:55 Best Of Oh, my God, Elvis!

14:57 Adam Once a month?

14:58 Caller Yeah.

14:58 Drew Not once a month.

14:59 Caller No. Yes, no, it really was. I mean, it was really bad. But my depression has gotten a whole lot better. It's where, like, I do it, like, once every...

15:09 Drew Were you holding your stool intentionally?

15:11 Caller Oh, well, I mean, like, at first, like, I never had the movement or whatever. But then when I did, like, it hurt too much. So I would just stop and be like, screw it, I'll do it later. And it just kind of built up each time.

15:26 Drew You would hurt. Do you have hemorrhoids or something?

15:30 Caller Oh, well, actually, it's weird because only until this past year, when it's actually been getting better, has it started? Have I started getting, like, a hemorrhoid there and stuff?

15:38 Drew Why did it hurt? Is my question.

15:41 Caller What do you mean? because.

15:43 Adam All right, listen, he's.

15:43 Best Of Are you retarded? What do you mean, why does it hurt?

15:45 Adam He doesn't try.

15:47 Best Of No, not you, him.

15:47 Adam Yeah.

15:48 Best Of No, I thought you said, I'm a right splitter.

15:50 Adam I think when he says holding his bowel, too, I mean, I think he actually.

15:54 Drew In his hands.

15:54 Adam Man, he was actually. All right, go see a doctor.

15:56 Drew Here's the deal. You need to take bulk. You need to take stools. Yeah, it could be some sort of.

16:01 Caller Oh, see, three point goal.

16:05 Drew Pretty unusual. I mean, really, the first thing to do is to like that one. Look at my girl in the cut to look at his bowel function.

16:11 Adam Another great old blues singer.

16:14 Drew Colonoscopy. He needs to be on both. He needs to go to school, school softener. You may have some rectal pathology.

16:20 Adam Hording trio.

16:21 Best Of Julianne Nicholson. Baseline 3.

16:24 Caller Go.

16:25 Best Of That's how you do it, girl. Okay. Who needs Sharon Osborne when you got Drew?

16:29 Adam Yeah. All right.

16:31 Best Of Is that a real thing?

16:32 Yes. Yes.

16:33 I've seen x-rays of it.

16:34 Caller It's not.

16:35 Caller Why?

16:36 Was it a friend?

16:37 Caller No.

16:39 Drew The x-rays usually you see from people that are laxative abusers that the bowel becomes atonic and nothing moves and just fills up. That's the x-ray usually you see.

16:47 Best Of I wrestled and we all abused them.

16:49 Drew And there are lots of descriptions of little kids holding their bowel and hoarding.

16:53 Caller It was a young girl who was like 12, 13 years old.

16:56 Drew Yeah. A 7-year-old male to do this is pretty wild. So that's why you got to go on the medical.

17:00 Best Of Did she have a cousin named Susie?

17:02 Adam What are the records?

17:04 Drew I don't know.

17:04 Adam You know, maybe a month. Month seems like a pretty good run.

17:08 Drew The problem is the bowel again can become atonic and stop functioning.

17:11 Adam Right.

17:12 Drew Then they have to remove it. It can be a big mess.

17:14 Adam All right. And by the way, here's some of them.

17:17 Best Of And one. She goes to the line.

17:19 Adam Interested in is I'm very regular. Drew is good for every other day. And that's, see, everyone leads you to believe that if you go, the more you go, the healthier you are.

17:30 Drew No, no, no, it's ridiculous.

17:32 Best Of Should be once a day, no?

17:33 Drew Once a day approximately, yeah.

17:34 Best Of But I go like three times in the morning just because I drink so much coffee.

17:38 Adam Yeah.

17:38 Best Of And if I have like fruit and stuff.

17:40 Adam I just made.

17:41 Best Of You did? Yeah.

17:43 Drew Mr. Hankey.

17:44 Adam Chris, we're going to need you to get a little clean up aisle three here.

17:49 Best Of You people are good with your hands, right?

17:51 Adam Rochelle?

17:52 Caller Yeah?

17:53 Adam What's happening?

17:55 Caller Oh, you can hear me. I'm wondering, I can't orgasm during sex through penetration.

18:01 Drew Yeah, that's very normal. Most women.

18:03 Caller What's that?

18:04 Drew That's most women, Rochelle.

18:05 Caller Most?

18:05 Caller Oh.

18:06 Drew What?

18:07 Caller Well, it's irritating because I can come from oral sex and by myself.

18:11 Caller That's correct.

18:12 Caller I want to come with my boyfriend and I can't.

18:15 Drew It's not going to happen.

18:17 Adam I like the recap, though.

18:19 Caller Yeah, I'll tell you again.

18:22 Drew Yeah. You know, you can masturbate during the act.

18:25 Adam Yeah, it doesn't work for women.

18:26 Caller Yeah, well, we do that. We do do that.

18:28 Caller But it's overwhelming.

18:29 Adam The clit has a panic attack.

18:31 Best Of And then it calls my father.

18:32 Adam And then it calls Jay's dad. When the pink phone starts ringing at the Mohr household, Jay's dad's like, uh-oh.

18:40 Best Of Little man in the Mohr hotline.

18:43 Adam Yeah.

18:43 Best Of What's wrong with self-manipulation during intercourse?

18:46 Adam Yeah, what's wrong? Oh, you're asking me? Women become overwhelmed.

18:50 Best Of I'm asking you, I'm asking her.

18:51 Adam Wait, she tells you the same.

18:52 Best Of Yeah.

18:53 Drew Go ahead.

18:53 Best Of I become overwhelmed.

18:54 Drew No, no, wait, again.

18:55 Best Of I gotta wait that out?

18:56 Drew All right, here's the deal. We were reviewing this an awful lot. Women have a spectrum of sexual response. The significant majority will never have orgasm during intercourse. There's about 23% will have it, generally with intercourse, one time or with oral sex. The other one married only with oral sex. There's about 10% that will have multiple orgasms. Jay's, Jay's wife. Stuff falls out all the time.

19:18 Adam Yeah. You better learn how to fake over that guy on top of you because he'll go nuts on you.

19:23 Best Of How fabulous.

19:26 Adam All right.

19:26 Drew Well, then.

19:27 Adam All right. So you're still ahead of the game at 19, that you're having it orally with your boyfriend.

19:33 Drew And with masturbation, too. That's as many women 18 to 22 don't orgasm at all.

19:37 Best Of Can you masturbate now?

19:39 Caller Now?

19:39 Drew You better go to break. Not right now, Jay. Relax.

19:41 Caller I was like, no way.

19:43 Adam But Rochelle, let me ask.

19:44 Best Of When you work or something?

19:45 Drew You heard this episode. You think it's going on? We got to watch it.

19:48 Best Of She said come five times.

19:49 Adam Let me ask you real quick, Rochelle. If you helped yourself out when your boyfriend was giving you intercourse, do you think you could have an orgasm?

19:58 Caller Yeah, I do. That's the way we normally do it.

20:03 Best Of Welcome to the big leagues, honey. That's how it goes.

20:06 Adam He's Indian. You're having an orgasm, right?

20:08 Best Of Ten seconds.

20:09 Best Of Do you squirt?

20:10 Best Of I relax.

20:11 Best Of What?

20:12 Adam Let's take a break. Jay Mohr is here. Julianne. Is it Julianne? Julianne.

20:17 Best Of Oh, give her a second. Go on.

20:19 Adam I almost said Julianne. That's why. No, thank you. That's right, Julianne. Nicholson is here tonight. We will take ourselves a quick break. When we come back.

20:26 Best Of It's Jack Nicholson's niece.

20:27 Adam Drew? No. Really? No.

20:28 Best Of Will it make it more interesting?

20:30 Drew Yes.

20:30 Adam It could, yeah.

20:31 Best Of Yes.

20:31 Drew We'll come back. I can't believe that. We'll have a great call.

20:33 Adam A great call after this.

20:37 Drew Check out our content provider AOL for Broadband.

20:39 Caller Get a free trial of AOL for Broadband by going to wbuf.com.

20:45 Caller You're locked into Loveline.

20:48 Caller 92.9 WBUF.

21:02 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. It's the best of Loveline. As we continue with Dear, Dear, Dear Friend, who I've only met once.

21:12 Drew Who I was in a movie with.

21:13 Adam Oh, yeah.

21:14 Drew Yeah.

21:15 Adam You sure you should be talking about that?

21:16 Drew Cinematic triumph.

21:17 Adam I wish I already should be talking about that. Name of that movie, of course, is New York Minute. That's about how long it lasted in the theaters. And ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy Andy Richter.

21:31 Caller Hey, everybody.

21:34 Adam I'm Adam Carolla. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dear, dear, new friend, dear friend, new friend, dear friend, Andy Richter.

21:46 Best Of Dear, dear.

21:47 Dear, dear.

21:47 Adam He's a dear friend of mine.

21:48 Dear, dear, dear.

21:49 Adam Andy Richter in the studio tonight. Andy, you know, Andy had a sitcom that only lasted a season or two. Two seasons. Two seasons, yeah.

21:58 It was two seasons, but it was mid-season both seasons, which is sort of like a pat on the back and a punch in the gut at the same time.

22:05 Adam How many episodes of Andy Richter control?

22:07 There are 19, but I think only 15 or 14 aired.

22:13 Adam All right, so it felt to me like a season's worth of shows.

22:16 Oh yeah, it's less than a season's worth.

22:19 Drew Everybody I ever spoke to liked that show.

22:21 Yeah, I know.

22:21 Adam Yeah, thank you. Well, it's one of those, you know, here's what it would be the equivalent to. It would be the equivalent to you going up to the plate against Pedro Astacio or some fast baller. Hit one that just missed a foul, went to the bleachers, would have been a grand slam, fouling a few off, taking a few, and eventually striking out after very courageous at bat. And you can hold your head up, walk back to the dugout.

22:48 Caller Right.

22:48 Adam And as a matter of fact, probably score some points. I mean, it was almost too ambitious. It was almost too good for the public, too good. A little too hip.

22:59 Caller No, it was, I don't see, I personally, I mean, if the show had been on and had been left on in a fair way, I would be more than willing to go, you know what, people just didn't really want to see it. But it was constantly being dicked around and like, you know, moved from one spot to another and taken off the air for a month and then put back on for three weeks, showing twice, twice a week and then taking off for two weeks and then put back on another night.

23:29 Adam Right.

23:30 Caller And it just, there's no way to build any kind of viewership like that and, you know, and I had, I mean, to me what was evidence of the show being mishandled was, like you said, everybody seemed to really like it. I mean, I'm not saying like it was the greatest thing ever, but it was a pretty good show.

23:46 Adam What are they going to tell you?

23:47 Caller I know, that's true. That's true, because a lot of people, when they meet me, they think I'm retarded. Yeah. So they, just from the way I look.

23:55 Adam That's it.

23:55 Caller And they...

23:56 Caller I'm retarded.

23:58 Caller I'm retarded, see? But, no, but while it was on in the second season, I had people, a number of people say, when's your show coming back on? And it had been on for like two months.

24:11 Caller Right.

24:12 Caller And then I had not as many, but yet a few people say, while the show was still in the air in the second season, man, I'm so mad that your show got canceled. Yeah. It's like a hot knife in your guts, you know?

24:26 Caller Right.

24:28 Caller It's not canceled.

24:29 Adam Steering knife.

24:31 Caller So, but now I'm back with Fox.

24:32 Adam Well, you saw...

24:33 Caller because there's been some management change.

24:35 Adam You're not bitter, that's the important thing.

24:37 Caller I am a little bitter. I'm mad. That's right. No, I am a little bitter. Wouldn't you be bitter?

24:42 Adam I would be.

24:42 Caller Come on.

24:42 Adam Yes, yes.

24:43 Caller Yeah, I bet you.

24:44 Adam No, you know what? I would be outraged. I would be outraged.

24:47 Drew I'm just finding it ironic that the people that are as mad as hell and aren't going to take it anymore, the people are actually on TV.

24:52 Adam Yeah.

24:53 Drew They're not yelling at the television hierarchy. Right. Not at the public.

24:56 Caller But no. It's like, well, the public, what can you do? You know.

25:01 Adam Very fickle.

25:02 Caller Yeah. I'll throw my pearls before those swine as long as I can till the day I die.

25:07 Adam The point is, is Andy Richter is a survivor and he lands on his feet, this kid.

25:11 Caller That's right.

25:12 Adam He's got another shot on Fox that cleaned the little house over there. And he's back and smelling the rust. That's right.

25:18 Caller And I've been to rehab, so they're letting me back on.

25:21 Adam That's right. He's cleaning up.

25:22 Caller More pills.

25:23 Adam All right. I don't believe Andy's ever. Andy, have you ever thrown up because of alcohol? Oh, yeah. Oh, good. All right. Now we can hang.

25:33 Drew I was thinking you were still in a little bit of the yummy phase, weren't you?

25:38 Adam Yeah, I was.

25:38 Caller What do you mean, yummy?

25:40 Adam I got this theory. They're adults. Okay, here's it. There are adults, and I worked with many of them over here at the Mother Station for a number of years, the morning show, namely Kevin and Bean.

25:52 Caller Yeah.

25:53 Adam And then their old producer, Frank, and a whole bunch of guys. And for instance, at 5.30 in the morning, I was the only one drinking a cup of coffee. They were drinking hot chocolate or Mountain Dew or something like that. And then we'd go, one time we all went to Seattle, and we went out to a nice fish joint. We're in the micro-brew capital of the world, and they're ordering frescoes and sprites, and I'm the only one getting the micro-brew kind of thing.

26:18 Caller And probably ordering burgers at the awesome fish place. Right. Right. Real cheese.

26:23 Adam Right. Real cheese. And then I realized, okay, everybody, every child is born into the yummy phase. I mean, every kid, kids don't like beer, they don't like cigars, they don't like whiskey, they don't like Poon Tang, they don't... Although, we're not sure, because I'm going to figure... I'm going to get the bottom of it if I like it. But the point is, is they don't like these things because they don't really taste good. I mean, a beer does not taste good. It tastes like a beer. Right. And so if they have their choice, well, they're not going to eat a smoked salmon and caviar and a cigar. They're going to... You're going to eat a grilled cheese with a lot of ketchup on it. Lucky Charms. And Mr. Pibb. And once in a while, you meet an adult who still seems to be trapped in the yummy fags. Absolutely. Now, somewhere along the line, like in your teens, peer pressure sets in. You're forced to drink the Mickey's Big Mouth in the park until you puke with your buddies or suck up a Winston cigarette or something. You learn this sort of... You learn these things. Now, I don't think they ever really taste good, like whiskey and even like red wine and stuff. If it doesn't taste good, it just tastes like red wine, it tastes like whiskey, a woman tastes like a woman. These are... You learn to appreciate them. The guys in the yummy phase, they get trapped in it, they take it to the grave.

27:41 Caller But I also think... Is that not you? No, that is not me at all. No, I... I have very grown up taste. He's got it. I mean, the other way. They're sort of like... So grown up, it's kind of creepy.

27:53 Caller Yeah.

27:54 Caller The muskier the better. You know what I'm saying?

27:56 Caller You guys could have.

27:57 Adam Your baby don't shower.

27:59 Caller No, no.

28:00 Adam I know. You just got back...

28:01 Caller Baby don't shower. In fact, die.

28:07 Adam Wait a minute. Go to spinning class, then die.

28:09 Caller Yeah.

28:10 Adam And then we'll talk.

28:10 Caller And then we'll talk in a week. Yeah. You get in my trunk and then we'll talk. No. Oh, come on. You started it. That's how you're the guys. This is how I always love that. I knew you were one of the other. I knew everybody was like, hey, come on, let's, you know, let's walk down here. All right, you want to walk down here? Let's walk down here, damn it. No, I... But I actually do think, though, that the taste buds evolve. I agree with you.

28:33 Caller I think it's actually more logical.

28:34 Caller Yeah, I think that the taste buds do evolve so that, like...

28:36 Drew I think they actually kind of burn out a little bit. That the whatever it is... I think we are programmed to want fatty and sweet food.

28:41 Caller Right.

28:41 Drew because we need the calories to grow. And as we mature, those mechanisms, deteriorate, go away, change, alter, configure to something more discriminating.

28:49 Caller Yeah. Or just something like you appreciate sour and bitter. And you know, like there's something sort of chemical and structural that goes on.

28:57 Drew I actually don't think you learn that so much as it's sort of part of maturing biologically.

29:01 Caller If you raised people to adulthood on an island and only gave them kid food and then brought them back to society, those adults would like coffee pretty quickly.

29:12 Drew I agree.

29:12 Caller Most of those. And there was ones that liked that yummy crap, would like that yummy crap. You know what I mean?

29:18 Adam So you're saying, but from, so you crave the fats, you crave the starches, you crave the sugars when you're young, everybody needs it. And then later on, it shuts off. You start turning on like whiskey and hooker nipple. That stuff like the dead hooker nipple.

29:34 Caller My older brother is a total, like my older brother, Hooker jerky. You know, when his, cause he's like had, he's had health problems. He's three years older than me.

29:43 Drew What's he got?

29:44 Caller He's just had like, he had like gallbladder issues and stuff. And so like what the way he's adjusted himself, like his diet, he's overweight, but he's also, he's a gigantic person. He's like six foot five and he's a really big man. But the way he's adjusted is that like he'll only get three candy bars a day, you know. And I like, I honestly, I cannot remember the last time. It's been probably 20 years since I bought a candy bar. Yeah.

30:12 Drew Stolen many, but you know.

30:13 Adam Yes.

30:13 Caller No, but I mean like, you know, after Halloween, there'll like the, you know, there'll be the minis around and I might have one. It's not like I would be above it, but never would I like go to the gas station.

30:24 Drew And he's a big movie star.

30:25 Adam Yeah.

30:26 Caller And get a.

30:26 Drew He can't be.

30:27 Adam Hey. And all.

30:28 Caller He can't be what?

30:28 Adam Eating candy? No, I know what you're saying.

30:31 Caller I go to the gas station. I hang out at the gas station all the time.

30:34 Adam You got to smoke some pot. You smoke some pot.

30:36 Caller I have to?

30:37 Adam Yeah.

30:38 Caller Now? All right.

30:39 Adam Well, wait for the pot.

30:40 Caller No, I, you know, no, I, I, yeah.

30:43 Adam Sure.

30:43 Caller Sure.

30:44 Adam No.

30:44 Drew I've come all the way around with Andy. Andy's, every fraternity house has an Andy.

30:48 Caller Yeah. No, I see that. See that people think they put me in the frat thing, but.

30:53 Adam No.

30:53 Caller Oh, no. No, no, no.

30:55 Adam What you doing? What you doing?

30:56 Caller The frat houses are loaded with.

30:59 Best Of What?

30:59 Caller Can I say dicks?

31:01 Best Of Yeah.

31:01 Caller Okay.

31:02 Adam I think.

31:02 Caller Dicks. Yeah.

31:03 Adam You don't like that.

31:04 Caller I do not like that. I do not like.

31:07 Drew Would you? Could you?

31:08 Adam Yeah.

31:08 Caller I actually was. It's actually sort of like probably my darkest secret. There's the homo stuff. But then the other darkest secret is no, is I was a member of a fraternity.

31:20 Caller You were?

31:22 Caller I started out at University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana. Yeah. I went and I joined a fraternity because I was from a small town and I thought, well, if I want to have a social life and U of I is like, chokingly Greek, you know, like, yeah, it's like one of the at the time it was like a fairly academic school too.

31:42 Caller It's a pretty good school.

31:42 Caller Yeah. That's I mean, that's I went there because it was cheap and I had pretty good grades and I couldn't afford Northwestern and and I so I thought I'll join if we've seen Northern Illinois State.

31:53 Adam Yeah.

31:54 Caller Northern Illinois. It's just no Northern Northern Illinois and DeKalb.

31:57 Adam Yeah. We've been there twice.

31:58 Caller That's part of this. Yeah. That's part of the day. I don't think you have to go back. Was it Cindy Crawford days? You know, she's from Barbwire.

32:05 Drew Yeah.

32:06 Adam I had to I had to point out much of the dismay of the large crowd that yes, Cindy Crawford may have been born here, but she got her ass out as soon as she could walk. I mean, she she took off immediately.

32:19 Drew That's all you have to know because the town sort of ejected her.

32:22 Adam Yeah. Well, the thing is, is it shouldn't be where you're born. Anyone can be born anywhere. It's where it's where you end up. And she was smart enough at 13 to hit Milan and get the hell out of there and never been back.

32:34 Caller I'm hitting Milan.

32:35 Adam I'm taking my mole and getting out.

32:37 Caller I joined a fraternity because I thought that's the only way to party. And I quickly realized it was a mistake. Yes. because there were... It was very much like what I feel like is happening in this country. because I sort of ended up hanging with the Stoners. And the Stoners were really kind of cool. But they couldn't be bothered to like... Have a life? No, to hold offices of power within the house. So it was all these other like guys that when you made fun of the fact that it was like some sort of... All the, you know, the rituals and stuff were just like crypto-fascist BS from some like goofy Baptist from 112 years ago and said like no, this is really... That's stupid, all that stuff. And they get really mad at you. That's, that's, you know, it was sort of like... But those guys were the only ones who would run for office. So they would set the rules. I know. Yeah, well, they're all, they're all, you know, apologizing for photos and videos.

33:35 Adam Yeah, you can... Those guys haven't had shows canceled on Fox. No way.

33:39 Caller What does that mean?

33:40 Adam No, I'm just...

33:41 Caller You're just fishing. You're just fishing. You don't even know what that is.

33:45 Adam No, it was a subtle... It was bad. I shouldn't have said anything.

33:50 Best Of I'm lashing out. I'm sorry.

33:52 Drew He's never had a show on Fox. A little canceled.

33:54 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

33:56 Adam All right. Now, let's get back to the phones. But let me say this. You feel this way sort of about politicians like this sort of Dan Quayles and even the George Bushes and many others in office. You get the feeling, you know, when they were 19 they were that stupid fraternity guy who was, you know, making everyone go by the pledge book and all that kind of stuff. Didn't seem to be very creative, didn't seem to be very smart, but yet seemed to sort of power forward despite their own inadequacies emotionally and intellectually. All right. Amanda?

34:28 Drew Amanda feels much better now.

34:29 Adam Thank you. Oh, you know what I wanted to mention before Drew coming off is DeKalb also invented barbed wire.

34:34 Drew Yeah.

34:34 Adam That's a big claim to fame, which again.

34:37 Drew They have a museum there.

34:38 Adam I had to point it out to them that that was no big kicks either. Wire and barbs both existed. You guys just put them together.

34:45 Caller Barbs. Yeah, but the barb industry was really struggling until they finally put it with wire. Oh, there's barbs all over the place here.

34:55 Adam Yeah, but the people that got in on the ground floor of the barb industry are laughing pretty good now, Andy.

35:01 Drew Where do you think barbie came from?

35:03 Caller Yeah.

35:05 Drew Now, Mr. Smart.

35:05 Adam Amanda?

35:06 Uh-huh.

35:07 Adam You're 22?

35:08 Caller Yeah.

35:09 Adam What's up?

35:11 Caller Okay, so I have a little bit of a problem. I kind of have gotten in trouble sleeping around with different people. I had a boyfriend for about three years, a while ago. More recently, I dated a guy for a couple of months, and we're still friends. We still talk. We kind of broke it off while he's getting divorced. And his problem is that he thinks that because that was my past, that if we were to get back together, he thinks I'll keep, you know, Let me get this straight.

35:46 Drew He was somebody you were cheating with?

35:49 Caller No. Well, he was already getting, he was in the process of getting a divorce when I met him.

35:54 Drew No, I understand that he was cheating, but were you also cheating?

35:57 Caller No.

35:58 Adam You never cheated on him?

36:00 Caller Not on him.

36:01 Drew Well, you never used him to cheat on someone else?

36:04 Caller Yeah. When we met, like he asked me all kinds of questions about my past and had a really big interest in everyone that I had, you know, been with. He wanted to know, which is understandable. I mean, I think it's both ways.

36:15 Drew It is, but it isn't. We generally believe that people shouldn't freak each other out with that. On the other hand, from your standpoint, you should understand unless you do some significant work on yourself, history does predict future.

36:27 Adam Oh, absolutely.

36:28 Caller Well, and then the thing is, this is what happened. He knew that when I was first talking to him before we were officially dating, I was kind of seeing someone else at the same time. And it bothered him.

36:40 Drew That's what I'm saying. He expects that you will do to him what you have done to other boyfriends.

36:45 Adam Yeah, and what he did to you.

36:48 Drew You should expect the same thing because he cheated on somebody, too.

36:50 Adam Sort of.

36:52 Caller Yeah, the thing with his wife, he never loved her.

36:55 Drew All right, I will say that. They all say that when they get divorced.

36:58 Caller Yeah, I don't know. And that's what he tells me now. But it was really his suggestion. He told me, well, you need to call Dr. Drew and figure out what the heck is wrong with you.

37:05 Adam Okay, well, hold on. Hold on. How many times have you done this?

37:10 Caller Well, okay, so I dated a guy for three years and he was the first person I slept with. Since then, I've slept with seven other people.

37:17 Adam I know, but I'm asking you how many times you cheated on one of them.

37:21 Caller I haven't. Like, I cheated on my boyfriend of three years, once, and then that's it.

37:26 Caller This guy is making you feel bad.

37:28 Adam Yeah, yeah.

37:29 Drew Hold on. Let's clarify even further. Is that cheating episode, was that at the end of that relationship?

37:36 Caller Well, it's a little more complicated than that. I knew he was going to be leaving. He had to do this church religious mission thing. And so, I knew a long time before he was going to be leaving. And I think that was hard for me to handle. I don't know for sure. It was toward the end of the three years.

37:53 Adam All right. All right. So, here's what's going on. The guy is an older guy. She's 22. He's doing a little mind control thing on her. I don't like this guy that much. I like the idea that he said to talk to Dr. Drew.

38:07 Drew You like that, huh?

38:08 Best Of For some reason.

38:10 Drew That's what you like about it best.

38:11 Caller That's the only thing he's got going for.

38:12 Drew But. Even that's kind of manipulative. because he knows you that you'd respond possibly to that.

38:17 Adam Maybe I'm playing into his hand.

38:19 Drew Exactly.

38:19 Adam Amanda, how old is this guy?

38:21 Caller He's actually going to be 23.

38:24 Adam So he's a young guy and his marriage didn't last very long.

38:28 Caller Well, yeah. And like I said, like he married the woman he married. It was because of like.

38:33 Drew All right. I don't care.

38:34 Adam Look, here's what it is. This guy's 23. When you're 23, you ask all those horrible questions. You become some sort of some sort of true or stenographer of this person's past. And they want to know everything. And then as soon as you collect all that information, you then start using it against them. And you end up confusing the person because it's like it's done in a way where I just don't want that to happen to me. And it's all BS.

38:58 Drew He's got a lot even that it's really it's just that male bravado. It's just the testosterone is making them angry that this is territory where other males have been.

39:06 Caller You were retri- you were cheating on him before you even knew it.

39:10 Drew That is the effective.

39:11 Caller Yeah.

39:12 Drew It's this affect state there and it's all BS.

39:14 Adam Right. So here's what I think women by the way, because this happens to almost every young woman when she hooks up with a 19 or 22 year old guy or something. Here's the tack they should take not only for them but for the guys. because you have to treat guys like you're treating a pet or a child. They need boundaries. They need to be contained. And the pet needs to go in the crate otherwise it's going to run all over the house. Crap everywhere. Crap everywhere. Same with the kid by the way. Do they have crates for them? No. Okay. because otherwise you can't transport them, can you?

39:42 Drew No. They've got to be in a box. They're called boxes for kids.

39:45 Adam So here's the thing. I go and punch holes in the top of the ice jar.

39:48 Drew They come with a hole.

39:48 Adam Oh, okay. So here's the thing. You need to say to them, look, I'm not a virgin, neither are you, I love you, you love me, let's move forward. I have no diseases and I have no problems.

40:01 Drew Right, even clearer than this, look, I haven't done anything unusual for somebody my age, I've had other relationships, you can count on me to be monogamous, this one, that's my intention, nobody's perfect, let's get on with it.

40:12 Caller Yeah, but first, you need to tell yourself you haven't done anything wrong. because I think he's-

40:16 Drew Even he's happened, some people have.

40:18 Caller Yeah, but no, but I mean, what, yeah, but you know what? Life is, you know, people do a lot of stuff, and you probably, I'm assuming you never killed anybody, or that, you know, that you were never cruel to anybody. Right. But, you know, stuff happens, and if this guy is making you feel bad, and first of all, I don't like the fact that he's snooping around.

40:41 Drew We're more worried about him, yeah. We're more worried about him than we're worried about her.

40:44 Caller Yeah, yeah.

40:44 Drew Although we're completely capitulating to the fact that he referred her to us.

40:48 Caller Right.

40:49 Caller No, but I do think, too, that if he's making you feel bad about what does not sound to me, like from the little bit of information, does not sound like you have anything to feel bad about whatsoever.

41:04 Drew We agree.

41:05 Caller That next time this happens, say, get out.

41:11 Adam Andy just showed a coast into a sound.

41:15 Caller I don't know. I realize it's hard to help myself out.

41:18 Adam It's late. It's Sunday night.

41:20 Caller Come on.

41:21 Drew Father's Day.

41:21 Adam Let's go. New York Minute. Let me jump in.

41:23 Drew Everybody go see it.

41:24 Adam Let me get a little time. It's 722.22 after 7 o'clock. Andy Richter in studio tonight. Coasting to a stop. New York Minute coming up. Coasting to a stop. Not a bad name for a sitcom.

41:35 Caller Coasting to a stop.

41:36 Drew Yeah.

41:36 Caller That really sounds like something.

41:38 Drew Yeah.

41:39 Adam You want to see that. You want to check that out.

41:41 Caller Something called Inertia. Check it out.

41:43 Drew Amanda, I hope that helped out. But it's not, it's, your boyfriend is right. You are freaking out a little bit, but we are also concerned about him.

41:48 Adam Too much talk about him.

41:49 Caller He's being a jerk.

41:50 Adam It's Loveline. We're here with Andy Richter and we'll be right back after this. Here we go, Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. He's Andy Richter. We're back. All right, let me just check in with Anthony before we go to break. Anthony?

42:11 Caller Hey, how you guys doing?

42:12 Drew That's Weather and Arcadia, Anthony. You're in the four-year-olds?

42:14 Caller You're 20.

42:15 Adam Yeah, 25.

42:16 Caller Hi.

42:17 Caller Yeah, my question is for Drew. I've become a compulsive eater over the years, after my teenage years, after high school. What I pretty much do is, I'll like watch what I'm eating during the day, but then at night I'll go out on a binge, I'll go to a fast food joint, you know, just eat burgers and fries and...

42:38 Adam All right, hold on a second. Hold on, hold on. We gotta take a break. We gotta go. Drew's gonna go rape the candy machine, ironically, during the break. Let me just say this, it just struck me, you know, everyone's always talking about fast food and what it's doing to the kids and everyone's getting obese and everything.

42:55 Caller No, I am. I'm always talking about it.

42:57 Adam The thing they don't talk about and aren't really thought about is fast food, the drive-thru is open till midnight or 2 o'clock everywhere now, which is really adding a whole new wrinkle to this stuff because, you know, back in the day, the place would close at 8 o'clock or 9 o'clock, maybe the late night one stayed open at 10, but there's no more of that sitting around feeling the urges at 1.30 in the morning and hitting the drive-thru. You know, knowing it's out there, knowing you're four, three, four bucks away from something that's open till 2 a.m. and it's around the corner, that's extra.

43:32 Drew Well, and it's good.

43:34 Caller But a severe dand in the 7-Eleven Bean Burrito business.

43:37 Drew And as we've been hearing since our childhood, Adam, 60 million children go to bed hungry in our country every night.

43:44 Adam That's right.

43:45 Drew Hunger is a huge problem. We've been hearing nothing but that and second-hand smoke since we were 12.

43:49 Adam Right. Yeah. Which is it? Yeah. Well, they're hungry and morbidly obese at the same time.

43:53 Caller And smoking.

43:54 Adam And smoking. Actually, there's a smoker blowing second-hand smoke at them. We're going to take a quick break. Andy Richter here tonight. We'll maybe talk to. No, he's got a second win. He was close in a little bit.

44:06 Caller He's back.

44:07 Adam He's a dear friend.

44:08 Caller I didn't have anything more to say.

44:09 Adam That's all right.

44:10 Caller I just realized I don't care about anyone's problems but my own. I know it's a problem when a show like this, but you had me come back.

44:18 Adam No, we did.

44:19 Caller Or come in the first place.

44:21 Adam Andy clearly didn't want to come tonight. I was surprised to see him here, quite honestly. I really was. When I came through the door at 9.50, 8.30.

44:31 Caller Except when I forget.

44:32 Adam That's right. All right.

44:33 Caller Dear, dear friend, Andy, are you there?

44:35 Adam No, and you know what? We got to go break. I'd like to at least attempt to hang out with you a little bit. Just not now, not for a few years. Right. But just because you're on my short list of cool people to hang out with. You know, like I was saying, yeah, me and Rick there, we bowl a little bit. We should play some cards. Yeah, yeah. It's cool.

44:56 Caller We went to Splash, got a tub.

44:58 Adam You're very, very high. You have regarded very highly in the industry. Oh, thank you. You're a cool guy. For the hangout. Yeah, for the hangout factor. All right, we'll take a quick break. And can you introduce me to Odenkirk, too, by the way?

45:09 Caller Do you want to meet him?

45:10 Adam He's on my list. Cool guy. I've seen him with Richter and Odenkirk, me and him. We're just kicking around some ideas.

45:17 Caller Wow, I didn't realize I'd be dropping.

45:19 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. And now, our favorite gal pal, the one who has a...

45:45 Drew Spontaneous orgasms when she sits on cold surfaces.

45:48 Adam Yeah, I think you may be stepping on her orgasm, Drew.

45:51 Drew So to speak.

45:52 Adam Yeah, because it's coming.

45:54 Best Of So to speak.

45:55 Adam Nicole Richie, everyone. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Nicole Richie is here tonight. The Simple Life 2 Road Trip. All right. The Simple Life. Now, so here's what goes on. This year, they take it on the road, which is actually a good idea because last time, you had to stay in that sort of farmhouse. And there are all sorts of hijinks, but on the road, it's endless. Yes?

46:24 Caller Well, the first season, Paris and I are both busybodies and we get very antsy. And the fact that not only do we have to stay in Arkansas the whole time, but we had to stay with that family and we had all these rules and these curfews and stuff like that. I mean, there were points where during the day, they just wouldn't let us go to the mall just because they just wanted us to sit there or whatever.

46:46 Adam Well, just because they're paying you.

46:48 Caller Well, you know, I mean, they're just like...

46:49 Drew Is this the family or the producers?

46:50 Caller No, the family was like, you guys just need to spend family time.

46:54 Caller Oh, really? You can cool out here.

46:56 Drew Just sit down and spend time with the family.

46:58 Caller Yeah, they really did. And I mean, I was 21, Paris is 22 and...

47:03 Adam Yeah, that ship has sailed a long time ago. They should have got in on you guys when you were 11 and 12 years old. Now, forget about it. How do you undo that? I mean, I mean, it's just it's it's a it's an interesting question, which is, is if you're a child and the child is used to certain lifestyle, some call it a privilege, some call it a little a little reckless at times, maybe a little irresponsible, well, whatever it is, the kid is the captain of his own ship. The kid does not doesn't say what do you want me to do tonight, dad, or when's my curfew? The kid does. Once that kid does that, it's really hard to reel them back in.

47:43 Caller Well, they're 14 and 15 and still growing, and that's fine. But I mean, we're adults and I haven't just had that kind of authority since I was 11 years old. So that that was a little bit of a problem. And it wasn't planned or anything.

47:57 Drew She's confirming your point.

47:58 Caller So yeah, exactly.

47:59 Adam Someone, yeah, the farmer John needed to get to you when you were wearing jammies with the flaps on it.

48:05 Drew And I think you probably could change somebody if you hung on to them until their libido started falling at about 42.

48:10 Adam Yeah, no, no, what happens is people then change later. They find Jesus Christ or they OD or they have a couple divorces or whatever it is.

48:19 Drew You see that way later.

48:21 Adam So if you don't, so here's a moral of the story, parents. You gotta catch your kid between like zero and maybe 12. You don't catch them between zero and 12. Then you got from 12 to maybe 42. And then somewhere around 42, they start slowing down a little. It's a tough 30 years sometimes in between. It's a tough, it's a big window.

48:41 Drew Could be.

48:42 Adam Tough, tough parenting. Alright, so leaving Miami, heading to Beverly Hills, in Winnebago.

48:52 Drew Not Winnebago.

48:52 Caller And Airstream.

48:54 Adam Oh Airstream, oh yeah, old school.

48:55 Drew Yeah.

48:55 Adam That's right, that's right. And how many stop, is each episode a stop or each stop an episode or there's multi stops?

49:04 Caller I don't know how they do the actual episodes.

49:06 Drew I think that dog crapped somewhere.

49:08 Caller What?

49:09 Drew I think so.

49:10 Caller She farts a lot so she could have just farted. Or it could have been me.

49:15 Adam Nichol brought her, I may have queefed actually. Nichol brought her dog in. Drew smells number two.

49:21 Caller Unacceptable.

49:22 Adam Now I'm freaking out.

49:23 Best Of Come on buddy.

49:25 Drew Chris, you over there?

49:26 Adam I'm not smelling either. Chris, what do you got?

49:28 Drew What did you do to him, Chris?

49:29 Adam Nothing. Chris. Scared the S out of him. Leave the poor dog alone. What's the dog's name? Honey Child. Honey Child. Don't mind the big scary man who only gets $10 an hour and lives at home. Like the way I seamlessly weave that into almost every conversation. You didn't even see it.

49:44 Drew Even in the choc-tah, you got that in there.

49:48 Adam All right, Drew, stop obsessing with the dog. So, okay, Nicole and Paris leave Miami. 12 episodes? How many episodes?

50:03 Caller I think it is 12. It's either 10 or 12.

50:06 Adam And the climactic episode is you landing in Beverly Hills.

50:11 Caller Yes.

50:12 Adam And how long did it take to shoot the thing?

50:14 Caller Six weeks.

50:16 Adam Is it a long six weeks or is it a fun six weeks?

50:18 Caller It was fun. It definitely was long. There's no, because we're in an airstream, there's no unpacking and stuff like that. And it was just really cramped because it was Paris, me, our two dogs, and also obviously the audience doesn't see this, but there's a camera guy, there's a sound guy, and we're in like the smallest, smallest space.

50:37 Adam Let me just give this observation on the lap dogs. You guys are getting an early jump on those lap dogs because historically it was only like Jean Jean and Ava Gabor.

50:47 Drew 65 plus.

50:48 Adam Here's how lap dogs are supposed to work. After a good 65 years of living, you decide this dog is the most important thing in your life. It's usually after multiple divorces and then eventually you get in a fistfight because they won't let you bring it on the airplane. But by then you're into the your late 60s.

51:06 Drew Although it's been a new member. We had Deborah Harry bring her. Were you here when you tried to bring her dog up?

51:10 Adam No.

51:11 Caller They didn't let her bring her dog?

51:12 Drew It was in the old building. I guess you weren't here.

51:14 Adam They didn't want to let the dog in?

51:16 Drew Yeah, there was a fistfight.

51:17 Adam Oh really? Yeah, well this is what happens. What happens is is you get attached to the lap dog. The lap dog just becomes, it's like your belly button or your nostril.

51:25 Caller Exactly. But she flies with me. She can fly.

51:31 Adam What about the person next to you though? Like what if someone's allergic to dogs? How come I can't get any goddamn peanuts on a southwest flight because some pussy called in and said their kid would go into anaphylactic shock shock by opening some peanuts. You're going to fly with your dog?

51:43 Caller I think the rule is that they're under 10 pounds.

51:46 Caller Yeah, whatever.

51:47 Caller If you're allergic, then you sit in another seat.

51:50 Drew We agree with you, by the way.

51:51 Adam Yeah.

51:51 Drew Well, hold on.

51:52 Adam Let me have a sidebar with Drew. Not about the dog. I don't want to keep the goddamn dog at home.

51:59 Drew Take responsibility for your allergies, is what you're saying. I'm fine with that.

52:04 Caller Take an allergy pill.

52:05 Adam I'm fine with that.

52:05 Caller Sit in another seat.

52:07 Adam Yeah. Okay. But you can't fly with a dog. You have to fly first class? Can you fly business class with a dog?

52:14 Caller I don't know about that. Never try. But I feel like you can.

52:16 Drew Never flown business class.

52:17 Caller I've flown business class, but I haven't flown business class with a dog.

52:21 Adam I know maybe I'm dwelling on this too much. And then maybe there's certain things in life that confuse me. But the idea that you can't bring your toenail clippers on board and you can't be trusted with an actual fork. You get a spork, but you're bringing your dog with you.

52:35 Drew This could be a terrorist tool.

52:37 Adam Yeah, the dog could be packed full of TNT. Who knows?

52:40 Caller No, no, no, no. You bring a medical slip with you, saying this dog is certified to fly, carry it in a purse.

52:49 Caller You have to.

52:51 Adam Carry the dog in a purse?

52:53 Caller You have to carry the dog in a purse. I mean, some people have a dog carrier, but most people don't fly it.

52:58 Adam Something flexible, though?

52:59 Caller Something, yeah. And for landing and takeoff, they have to be under your seat. And then I just, she's, I mean, the thing about lap dogs is if they're with their moms, they're just going to sleep. So it's not like they're barking or running around or anything.

53:15 Adam It makes perfect sense except for the part where they tell you, like, if you lit up a cigarette in the head, you would be, it would stop the plane and arrest you. But Nichol's got her dog out.

53:28 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems rangy.

53:32 Adam It really, it really is. It's like, not sure what you can and can't do on the plane anymore. All right. It's weird. And the whole thing with, like, airports and planes in general is just like, if you got to ask, the answer is no. Right. It's just no. You just can't do it. You can't do anything. That's why the dog thing seems funny because they don't let you do anything. But let me tell you this. I didn't want to get into, but, you know, we just got back from Europe a week ago, and it was a, you know, huge hassle. So you wouldn't do anything, change anything or move anything or whatever. I mean, everything's a disaster. All right. All right. Dog on a, once the dog starts farting, he said the dog's gassy.

54:12 Caller She does fart a lot.

54:12 Adam Well, what if?

54:13 Caller But I mean, there's people that fart all the time on planes.

54:18 Adam People, people have way, you know, it's a decent point. It's a decent point. But people, well, well, here's the thing, though. You have to encounter people on the plane. You don't necessarily have to encounter the dog. And people would excuse themselves, perhaps. Drew, if you had gas.

54:35 Caller Yeah.

54:35 Adam And you're sitting at the, you would go to the bathroom and do that cheek spreader move that you do, right?

54:40 Caller Then you'd excuse yourself. If I farted on a plane, I wouldn't turn to the person next to me and be like, excuse me, I farted. I would, I would lie or get up or go to the bathroom.

54:48 Adam That's what I mean. You would, you would excuse yourself to the bathroom. I don't mean you would make up an excuse after you blew wind on the guy next to you. I mean, you would excuse yourself to the bathroom. That's what I meant. All right. Let's, Honey Child.

55:02 Caller Honey Child.

55:04 Adam Shannon.

55:05 Drew Yeah. Shannon, we spoke to you last night. I remember her dad had just died.

55:09 Caller I'm sorry.

55:10 Adam Twenty.

55:10 Caller Thank you. Thanks guys for talking to me again. It's really nice.

55:14 Drew How are you doing today?

55:17 Caller I don't know. I'm numb. It's easier to be in denial today.

55:23 Caller How do you die if you don't mind my asking?

55:26 Caller He died of cancer. He was given six months to live like four months ago.

55:32 Drew We actually spoke to her back then.

55:34 Adam How close were you guys?

55:37 Caller We were really, really close.

55:39 Drew Where's your mom?

55:40 Caller My mom's around. My parents were divorced, but they were really close as well. I moved back home with my mom and he actually moved in with me and my mom.

55:49 Drew Do you have any siblings?

55:51 Caller Yes, a brother and a sister, both older.

55:53 Drew Are they helping you at all?

55:56 Caller Yeah, my sister, yeah, my brother's kind of just handling it in a really different way or he just jokes a lot. I don't know.

56:05 Adam So, Drew, what do you do?

56:07 Drew Well, the problem, Shannon, is you still aren't even really opening to the idea that he's gone.

56:13 Adam No.

56:13 Drew Really? That's what she said last night.

56:15 Adam Well, that's why I'm saying really because it's horrible radio to do that.

56:18 Drew I see.

56:19 Adam You see what I'm saying? No one was listening last night at 12 and then again tonight. That'd be two days in a row. You know, we have an every other day policy.

56:26 Drew It's not horrible to explain exactly what that little exchange was about.

56:29 Adam Yeah. You want to listen. Here's the deal. You can listen Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday, or you can go the Monday, Wednesday route.

56:37 Drew It's, yeah.

56:38 Adam Yeah. That's how we break it up.

56:39 Drew It's like a show.

56:40 Adam Otherwise, we got too many people listening. What the hell is the dog doing with its tongue? What is that?

56:48 Drew Panting.

56:48 Adam Yeah, but it flattened out like a diving board. It stuck right out. He did that on purpose. That was an attack. You see him giving a stink eye, Drew?

56:58 Drew He's got a stinky eye. All right. Go ahead, Drew. So Shannon, really the first order of business is really letting yourself come to terms with this. And the only way that's going to happen is with the support of other people. Do you have enough support?

57:12 Caller I'm sorry. I can't hear you. What did you just say?

57:14 Drew Do you have other people to support you?

57:17 Caller I do, but I've just been kind of pushing them away.

57:20 Drew How about the hospital? Any of the organizations?

57:23 Caller Well, I mean, he was in a hospice program, and I don't know what they called today, but I didn't talk to them, and they just kind of wanted to...

57:30 Drew There are grief... There are usually bereavement groups through hospice you can go and evolve with. And you will find you're resisting it because you don't want to come to terms with it. And that's natural enough. All of the avoidance and resistance is all the fact that you want to stay in this place where you can sort of magically believe he's going to return or that he hasn't really gone. That's not a healthy place to be. That is a place that will become very depressing rather quickly and potentially pathological. So go to a bereavement group, get friends around you, just slowly kind of let it in bit by bit as you can tolerate it.

58:03 Adam Let me ask you this. How much of... We have this sort of theory that you recover from emotional trauma, sort of like you recover from physical trauma, which is, you know, guys do that thing where they go, oh man, if he wasn't in such great physical shape, he never would have survived that motorcycle accident. You know, it's just that he was in phenomenal shape. You know what I mean? So you're in good shape going into the accident. It helps you recover after the trauma.

58:31 Drew There's definitely something to that with mental issues too, emotional issues.

58:36 Adam Right? I mean, anybody is going to have a grief in a period of mourning after the loss of a loved one. But if you're depressed already, you may go into a serious tailspin, right?

58:49 Drew Or if you have some conflicted issues about that or some unfinished business, yeah, it can really become very acute.

58:55 Adam All right. Let's talk to Mark over here who's 16.

59:00 Caller Hello?

59:01 Caller What's...

59:02 Adam Bogus.

59:04 Caller Bogus?

59:05 Adam Yeah, besides a bogus call already. How? I don't know.

59:09 Caller It was just the way you said hello. It was funny.

59:11 Adam The way you said hello.

59:14 Caller Sorry, I was on speakerphone.

59:16 Adam Liar, liar whore, liar whore. You know it. What's your question, Mark?

59:22 Caller Well, I heard you talking about SEGNAL., like that thing on your uncircumcised penis a long while ago.

59:28 Adam Sure.

59:29 Caller And I just, I just like I had it and I just don't know how can I get rid of it?

59:35 Drew You've got some debris.

59:36 Adam Compressed air.

59:38 Drew What do you think?

59:38 Adam What do you think?

59:39 Drew Scrub things out and keep it dry.

59:40 Caller Are you European?

59:43 Caller Yeah.

59:43 Caller How did you know?

59:44 Caller because most people that are uncircumcised are European. I hope so because I don't understand the American that's uncircumcised.

59:52 Caller Yeah.

59:52 Adam Yeah.

59:53 Caller So you're European. So you can't get circumcised.

59:56 Adam Oh, he's not European.

59:57 Caller Yeah, you're not European.

59:58 Adam I heard you on the phone.

59:59 Caller You're like, hello.

1:00:00 Best Of Yeah.

1:00:00 Adam Mark's from Van Nuys.

1:00:02 Caller Why are you, why aren't you circumcised?

1:00:05 Best Of Huh?

1:00:05 Drew Why aren't you circumcised?

1:00:07 Caller He's born in Hungary and then I moved to America.

1:00:10 Adam Where in Hungary?

1:00:10 Best Of Uh-uh.

1:00:11 Caller Budapest.

1:00:12 Adam No, you weren't.

1:00:13 Drew And they listen. He grew up like Mark would not know the name Budapest.

1:00:16 Caller Let's see if he's been born there.

1:00:18 Adam It's a pretty decent point.

1:00:19 Drew He's not located in Hungary either.

1:00:20 Adam He does seem squirrely though.

1:00:22 Drew In Budapest. All right.

1:00:23 Adam Speak some Hungarian to me.

1:00:27 Best Of I have to say it right.

1:00:28 Adam What do you want to say?

1:00:29 Caller Szokzára tetel.

1:00:31 Adam What?

1:00:32 Best Of That means I like you a lot or something.

1:00:34 Adam All right.

1:00:36 Caller And I have one more question.

1:00:38 Adam What do you eat? You eat Hungarian food?

1:00:41 Caller No, I hate it. It tastes like crap actually.

1:00:43 Adam What? I like Hungarian food.

1:00:45 Drew You don't like paprika?

1:00:46 Caller It's paprika.

1:00:48 Adam They don't say paprika there. You don't say paprika, do you?

1:00:51 Caller No, they say paprika.

1:00:52 Adam That's right. It's a hop.

1:00:53 Drew Oh, she is right.

1:00:54 Caller The only thing I like about Hungary is a lot of the hot chicks there, but...

1:00:57 Adam Alright, Mark, we now believe you.

1:00:58 Drew I think this dog just farted on Nicole.

1:01:00 Adam Good. Teach her a lesson. Mark.

1:01:04 Caller Yeah?

1:01:04 Adam Okay. Keep things clean and keep them dry.

1:01:08 Caller And get circumcised. Girls don't like uncircumcised. Really?

1:01:11 Best Of Yeah.

1:01:12 Adam Whatever.

1:01:13 Best Of Alright.

1:01:14 Adam Alright. Or go back to your beloved Hungary and get yourself a nice hot Hungarian chick. Sure. Alright. Alright. Listen. I know he's Hungarian now. I believe him. because you're right. Him actually naming a country and then naming a capital of a country is way out of the range of one of our callers who didn't actually live there. You know, and I think about this all the time. Like, somebody could say, where are you from? And you could easily name a country and you could easily name a city in that country or you could make up a name that we never heard of because obviously we don't know every city that's in Hungary. We probably know two, you know. So yet way too tall in order for anyone who calls this show.

1:01:58 Drew Or got fit to plan a name in a country.

1:02:01 Adam That's right.

1:02:02 Caller I think he's telling the truth.

1:02:03 Adam Oh, he is.

1:02:03 Caller because he's uncircumcised.

1:02:05 Drew He is.

1:02:06 Adam And he wouldn't have chosen Hungary. All right. So here's the thing, dry, that's the part. That's the other thing. People don't realize the stuff needs to kind of dry out.

1:02:22 Drew Oh yeah. Yeast loves wet.

1:02:24 Adam Yeah, but everything. I mean you get jock itch.

1:02:27 Drew That's fungus.

1:02:27 Adam You got whatever it is. You got to get air down there.

1:02:29 Drew Those things are fungus. The feet, fungus.

1:02:32 Adam What about like when you get a cut and you get a cut on your finger.

1:02:37 Drew The drying helps it heal.

1:02:38 Adam Yeah, that's what I tell people. I mean you got to clean it out and you got to protect it, but like when you go to bed at night, shouldn't you take the band-aid off and let's get some air on it?

1:02:47 Drew I have a problem with nurses with wound care where they always want to put ointment on everything that's open.

1:02:51 Best Of It just keeps going.

1:02:52 Drew Yeah, keep it going for weeks. You got to let it dry out.

1:02:55 Adam Absolutely. All right, let's, all right, so clean the dung and hang it on the line or throw it in the dryer and put on a tumble.

1:03:06 Drew Or a hand-held dryer will do it. What? Hand-held dryer.

1:03:10 Adam Uh-oh. It's 16. You're going to start beating off if you do that.

1:03:13 Drew Put it in the dryer?

1:03:14 Adam Yeah.

1:03:15 Drew He'll electrocute himself first. He'll burn himself.

1:03:18 Adam No, I just mean it's going to remind you.

1:03:19 Drew Oh, I see.

1:03:20 Adam You know what I mean? As a six-year-old dude, how long could you be alone with your junk before you run like, hey, wait a minute, I got an idea. That's why as a guy, you can't, you can't, as a guy, can you take a bath before the age of 30 without beating off? You can't do it. You know, you know why? because you, you go like, I'm just going to take a bath. I think I'll take a bath. It'd be nice to take a bath. And then you just lie down in the bath. You go, this relax. You're like, oh, there's my dick.

1:03:44 Caller Huh.

1:03:47 Adam You know, I'm going to light a can. I'll go, look at this kind of buoyant. And I'd say, I'm beating off. Wait a minute, don't, wait a minute. I'm done with the water. Ah, screw it. I'm just beating off. I mean, right? How much time can you spend alone with your penis before it's time to beat off? You got to have some jeans on. Shower's fine. You're doing, you know, shit. You're busy. You're busy. You know, your hands are moving.

1:04:10 Drew It's an interesting indictment on your psychology that you have to be busy or you begin masturbating immediately, especially if you're alone with your penis.

1:04:17 Adam Well, that's why I keep the pen in my left hand.

1:04:19 Drew Yeah.

1:04:20 Adam because the second I put it down, the hand just slides right onto the console.

1:04:24 Drew All right.

1:04:25 Adam Who are we talking to? Bridget?

1:04:26 Drew Yeah.

1:04:27 Adam Bridget.

1:04:28 Caller Hi.

1:04:29 Adam You're 23?

1:04:30 Caller Yes.

1:04:31 Adam What's up?

1:04:34 Caller I haven't had my period in almost 10 months now, and I've been having some symptoms of menopause, like night sweats and hot flashes and no sex drive whatsoever. And I'm just wondering if it's possible for me to go through menopause at my age?

1:04:55 Drew No. It's possible to have a varied function problems, but it's not menopause.

1:05:00 Adam You're 23.

1:05:02 Drew You could have pituitary tumors, you could have thyroid conditions, all kinds of stuff that can go wrong, but it's not menopause. See, why haven't you gone to see the doctor? It's been 10 months.

1:05:12 Caller I had a bad experience my first time to the doctor for...

1:05:17 Adam Hold on a second. This has got to be an abuse survivor. Something. Whenever you hear that bad excuse, I mean bad experience, excuse thing, it's always weird.

1:05:30 Drew And then holding off for months and months, which has a medical problem.

1:05:34 Best Of Yeah.

1:05:35 Adam Bridget sounds brittle. Bridget.

1:05:37 Caller Yeah.

1:05:38 Adam You sound way older than 23.

1:05:41 Caller Do I?

1:05:42 Adam Yeah, which really usually means you saw too much too early.

1:05:46 Caller Right.

1:05:47 Adam Were you forced to grow up early?

1:05:49 Caller Yeah.

1:05:50 Drew What happened?

1:05:51 Adam Bad family?

1:05:53 Caller Yeah, they're kind of... Oh, sorry.

1:05:56 Adam It's a yes word.

1:05:57 Caller Yeah, sorry.

1:05:58 Adam All right. Anderson will clean that up. But is your alcoholism?

1:06:03 Caller Yeah, my mom's an alcoholic and...

1:06:06 Adam You had to take care of her?

1:06:08 Caller That's... Well, and I've been raising my younger siblings since I was eight.

1:06:12 Drew Yeah. So understand, though...

1:06:13 Adam See, that's old. See, you're eight, you're raising somebody instead of...

1:06:16 Drew You're parentalized.

1:06:17 Adam Instead of screwing yourself.

1:06:18 Drew Yeah, parentalized. Screwing around.

1:06:19 Adam Yeah, that's what I... But any abuse other than that?

1:06:24 Caller Well, I was raped when I was 14. And...

1:06:29 Drew That usually means there's some sexual abuse before that, though.

1:06:32 Caller Right.

1:06:32 Drew What happened before that?

1:06:35 Caller My step-grandfather did.

1:06:37 Drew So every interaction you have with a male is going to feel like somebody trying to rape you. And look, the doctor is just trying to do their job. You need to get in there and get this taken care of. Yeah. Get it taken care of. If you're having a variant failure, you can end up with bone disease, all kinds of infertility problems. If this is a pituitary tumor, it can get out of hand. There's a lot of things that can go on here. Let's go ahead and get this taken care of, all right?

1:06:58 Caller Okay.

1:06:58 Adam All right. How about a boatload of therapy for all the horrible abuse you've gone through?

1:07:03 Caller Yeah, yeah, I'm doing that.

1:07:04 Adam You are?

1:07:05 Caller I'm doing that.

1:07:05 Caller Yeah, it's good, though.

1:07:07 Caller I've had my relationship. I've got a great relationship, and it was here on the 1st of June. So.

1:07:16 Caller Was what?

1:07:18 Caller I've been with the man that I met. Two years.

1:07:21 Adam How many years?

1:07:21 Caller Two years.

1:07:22 Caller Six.

1:07:23 Adam Six years.

1:07:24 Drew Six years.

1:07:25 Caller Yep, on the 1st of June.

1:07:26 Drew How old is he?

1:07:28 Caller He's 47.

1:07:29 Drew 47.

1:07:30 Caller Oh.

1:07:31 Caller I know. I know.

1:07:33 Best Of That's all right.

1:07:35 Caller You're an old spirit.

1:07:37 Caller That's exactly the way I feel.

1:07:38 Adam Wait a minute.

1:07:39 Drew Hold on.

1:07:40 Adam Let's do some very uncomfortable math.

1:07:42 Caller He was 40.

1:07:43 Drew She was 17.

1:07:45 Caller Twenty-three years. Yeah. Well, I'll be 24 in July. So I met him right before I turned 18.

1:07:52 Adam And he was 40 or 39.

1:07:54 Caller So.

1:07:55 Adam Yeah.

1:07:56 Caller Yeah.

1:07:57 Drew Yeah.

1:07:57 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:07:59 Adam Yeah.

1:08:00 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:08:00 Adam That's a guy. That's a guy I don't want to hang out with.

1:08:04 Caller No. No, he's a really...

1:08:04 Adam Although I don't even like being around myself. Yeah. Yeah, he's a great guy.

1:08:09 Caller Yeah, he is a great guy.

1:08:11 Drew Yeah, sure. Yeah, he's a great guy. Except for the pedophilia.

1:08:13 Adam No, he's great. He's fantastic.

1:08:15 Drew Don't have children with him.

1:08:17 Caller He doesn't want to have children.

1:08:19 Drew Thank God.

1:08:19 Caller He doesn't want to have children and doesn't want to get married. So he thinks that he's holding me back.

1:08:24 Drew Good.

1:08:25 Adam Break up with him.

1:08:27 Caller No.

1:08:28 Adam Yeah, he's a bad guy.

1:08:29 Caller I'm in love with him.

1:08:30 Drew Then again, Bridget shouldn't have kids with him.

1:08:31 Adam All right. Good. Yeah, don't have kids. Just look, stay with him and stay with him.

1:08:35 Drew That's all right. Actually, I should believe Bridget's doing some work.

1:08:38 Caller I do.

1:08:38 Adam Do your work, baby doll.

1:08:40 Caller I will.

1:08:41 Adam I hope your step-grandfather's dead and died in a horrible way.

1:08:44 Caller Yeah, he is. Actually, he died about eight years ago and I was pretty happy. But I don't know, I've talked about it a lot in therapy and I've let it go.

1:08:54 Adam Good.

1:08:54 Caller As much as I can.

1:08:56 Drew You take yourself to hear yourself medically. It's called oligomentary or amenorrhea. It needs to be evaluated. It's not menopause.

1:09:01 Adam All right. Listen, everybody, you see what your voice will give away? It's all in the voice.

1:09:09 Drew How you make us feel.

1:09:10 Adam Yes. Yes, immediately.

1:09:13 Drew Here's a because the interesting I read. I actually read Super Bowl Boyfriend and in therapy.

1:09:21 Adam And I read sort of no childhood.

1:09:26 Drew Yeah.

1:09:28 Caller Marco, please.

1:09:31 Adam The screen says 23 no sex drive, night sweats, hot flashes, menopause. That's in question, Mark. Doesn't there's no abuse. There's no anything in there. And people always want to they're always like, why do you guys? Why do you say? What do you make everyone abuse? We don't make her abuse. Her step grandfather made her abuse. And her alcoholic mom made her abuse. We're just trying to get to it.

1:09:56 Drew She just made us feel it.

1:09:57 Adam She made us feel it. And when she made that crack about not wanting, you know, having a bad experience at the doctor, then I knew...

1:10:03 Drew And sounding like a Vietnam nurse from Six Tours of Duty.

1:10:06 Adam Yes, she's 23 for Christ's sake. Alright, same age as Nicole Richie.

1:10:11 Drew No.

1:10:11 Adam 24?

1:10:12 Caller I'm 22.

1:10:14 Drew How dare you? How dare you?

1:10:17 Adam Alright, Nicole Richie here tonight. We'll take a quick break from The Simple Life, and we'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Orlando Jones. Hey, now. Here tonight. All right. When we left our screen in Nicole, Nicole's, I'm just gonna pop in to see when that smoke alarm chirps again. We're obsessing on her smoke alarm and neglecting her very important question, but quickly on the smoke alarm one more time. I was saying to Orlando during the break, I said, could you imagine if you're designing that putter on hold?

1:11:05 Drew We lose the time for that.

1:11:06 Adam I got it. Imagine if you're the company, your first alert or Coleman or the company that is actually manufacturing or you're part of the board that decides the criteria for manufacturing and things. Well, here's the deal. It's got three years battery life, it has to have such and such a decibel siren and such and such other criteria. What if the battery is going low? Well, it's got to be 110 decibel chirp that goes off in no more than 40 second intervals and people must have been going, oh, that'll send people running to the liquor store to get batteries. I mean, this would be impossible to ignore.

1:11:44 Drew In fact, we could get into liability from causing people emotional distress.

1:11:49 Adam Yeah, it's essentially like someone pulling a diesel truck horn every 30 seconds in your bedroom. I mean, there's no, they, but here's the thing. It's like when, it's like when they're breeding roach spray and they said, this stuff will kill a rhino, but then a few generations later, roaches started driving on this stuff. We've outbred humans for this. Do you understand? We're now, now we've bred a human that is not bothered by the 120 decibel chirp that goes off every 30 seconds.

1:12:19 Caller It proves my theory that like if it happens long enough, Americans can get used to anything. Remember when the homeless was like a problem? All of a sudden, that's no longer a problem. We didn't worry about that. There's a homeless guy who's outside my office, and every day I talk to him like he lives somewhere. I'm like, hey, how are you doing? How are you doing?

1:12:35 Drew The problem is for 10 years, we were arguing that homeless people were just regular people that ran out of money.

1:12:40 Adam I was always the same ramp.

1:12:42 Caller Exactly.

1:12:43 Adam This guy was a work for a defense contractor. He was a mental urges.

1:12:49 Caller No, no, no.

1:12:50 Drew That guy does not exist.

1:12:51 Adam That's not what I'm saying. We were doing the ramp where this guy, he has a family, he had a great job, he was working for Northrop until they closed the factory and then all of a sudden, he smells of Boone's farm and he defecates in his pants. No, no. These are drug addicts.

1:13:09 Drew And people with very serious mental disorders.

1:13:13 Adam Yeah, these are guys who got laid off over at Grumman Northrop. You know what I'm saying?

1:13:17 Drew Yeah, so those people find a way back to work.

1:13:20 Adam By the way, why must we do that as a society? And I know that's mostly the left wing that does that kind of crap. This guy's a hardworking family man. After 30 strong years of working for GM, he gets laid off. Pow, he's in the street. And by the way, you got a gig for 30 years? And you get fired on a Monday and a Wednesday? You're living out of your car? That's called projecting. You're not doing a good job of financial management?

1:13:47 Drew It's again the BS of the press. They don't ask the right questions. They believe whatever's on the surface, and then they project that on the satellites. And that's the story.

1:13:56 Adam People who are on the street are drug addicts, or they have mental disorders, or both. And I don't know what percentage of them are factory guys that have been laid off or good, God-fearing family men. I'm going way less than 1%.

1:14:09 Caller I don't know what factory there is in Beverly Hills, but I know it's a lot of home this dude is hanging out.

1:14:13 Adam Yeah, well the weather's got good climate out here.

1:14:15 Caller Exactly, I'm not mad.

1:14:17 Adam All right, so Nicole, yeah, I gotta figure out this question. So Nicole, you got high.

1:14:23 Caller Yeah.

1:14:23 Drew What do you mean got high? I mean smoke pot?

1:14:25 Caller We were smoking chronic.

1:14:26 Adam Smoking chronic, I don't know.

1:14:27 Caller I'm not confused with ebionic.

1:14:29 Adam All right, and you gave an oral to your girl roommate?

1:14:33 Caller Yes. Well, because like she was telling me that she misses this guy who did it so good and whatnot. And she was like, you should leave because I'm gonna, you know, please myself. And I was like, I was gonna say something and she was like, what are you gonna say? I was like, let me know if you need help. And she's like, all right, go yell at the kids and then come back and then maybe-

1:14:55 Drew Yell at the kids? Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Go what?

1:15:00 Caller She has two kids. They're like my godkids.

1:15:03 Drew Oh, okay.

1:15:04 Caller Oh, rock on. By the way, my girlfriend's out of town. I'm getting ready to go please myself.

1:15:08 Drew Yeah.

1:15:09 Caller They better hope nothing happens.

1:15:11 Adam They better hope nothing happens to her.

1:15:13 Caller They don't know anything.

1:15:14 Drew Reiterate that, Adam.

1:15:15 Adam I said they better hope nothing happens to her. And by the way, a whole new generation of people immune to the smoke detector chirp. These kids are living in the house?

1:15:25 Caller We're in an apartment.

1:15:26 Adam They're living in an apartment with you? Yeah. By the way, the kids were, hold on a second. We are breeding, that's what I'm talking about. We're breeding generations of, you know when this is going to happen, here's the thing. Companies now who manufacture smoke detectors, low battery, a big scissor arm with a boxing glove. I'm going to whack you on the head. because the chirp, you think these kids are going to mind the chirp? These kids aren't going to be able to go to bed without the chirp. You understand? Like with these guys in their 30s, they're going to have a smoke detector with a low battery on their nightstand.

1:16:00 Drew They're going to have smoke detector machines instead of the wave machines.

1:16:04 Caller The relaxation sounds. The sounds of the ocean, the rainforest and a smoke detector.

1:16:09 Drew We've got to think about it. Alright. Again.

1:16:11 Adam Nicole.

1:16:12 Drew We're never going to get Nicole's face. I know. Nicole.

1:16:14 Adam Hold on a second. Okay. Hold on. This is by the way albino white trash activity that's going on here. But this is scary stuff.

1:16:22 Drew Scary, scary.

1:16:22 Adam Two kids, huh?

1:16:24 Caller Yeah.

1:16:25 Adam Okay. Hold on.

1:16:26 Caller They're young.

1:16:27 Adam Oh, okay. Well, they're...

1:16:28 Drew Oh, that's much better. Much better, Nicole.

1:16:30 Adam They'll be fine. Alright. Hold on a second. And by the way, smoke detector is there to detect smoke so your kids don't burn in a...

1:16:38 Drew Yes. Thank you.

1:16:39 Adam Okay. Orlando Jones here tonight. He's both amused and disgusted. We will take a quick break. We'll get right back with Nicole for another hour or so. And then it's going to go into Rodney Show. She's going to talk. All right. Right after this. Hey ho, Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

1:17:11 Drew Yahey.

1:17:11 Adam Or as you know around the hospital, Dr. Half Jew. Orlando Jones, dear, dear, dear friend, is, no, actually...

1:17:21 Drew Dear friend.

1:17:22 Adam Angry black man, but smart.

1:17:24 Drew Yeah.

1:17:24 Adam And funny. And thought-provoking. Yeah.

1:17:28 Best Of Yeah.

1:17:30 Adam Anyway.

1:17:30 Drew Not that angry, by the way.

1:17:31 Adam No. He kind of reminds me of, if Dave and Alan Greer were black, I think they would have the same, they would share some of the same sensibilities. Yes, Drew?

1:17:39 Drew Yes. After David kicks your ass, I agree.

1:17:41 Adam That's right. Orlando Jones, everyone.

1:17:47 Best Of Here, buddy. It's Loveline. Is that me or the mic? I'm Adam Carolla.

1:17:52 Adam That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Orlando Jones in studio tonight.

1:17:59 Caller Holla at you, boy.

1:18:00 Adam Orlando can be found on Father of the Pride, Tuesday nights, NBC, 9 o'clock. And now it's time to play a little something we call Germany or Florida. Jackie? Hey. Year 14? Yes. What's up? Wait, wait, wait.

1:18:16 Drew Explain to Orlando how this works.

1:18:17 Adam I forgot, I forgot. I'm sorry. I'm walking away. The, yes, Germany or Florida, all bizarre stories, all the macabre, all the occult, all the people cut their toes off, frying it up and eating it.

1:18:30 Drew Violence.

1:18:30 Adam Comes from either Germany or Florida. Gotcha. So we hear the story and then we guess, is it Germany or Florida? Gotcha.

1:18:37 Drew Okay.

1:18:37 Best Of All right.

1:18:38 Adam Go ahead, Jackie.

1:18:40 Caller Okay. An actress was taken to the hospital after a man injured her breast while trying to cut open her bra with a chainsaw during rehearsal for a show. It was the worst moment of my life. I thought I was going to die. The woman who was also a former porn star told a newspaper. The chainsaw operator said she was lying down during the rehearsal and suddenly bent forward just as he was applying the saw to her bra.

1:19:01 Adam All right. So this is like an act, like a, like a sideshow act. We're going to take the...

1:19:05 Drew She's got to be huge. Otherwise the chainsaw would actually cut her sternum.

1:19:09 Adam Hit her sternum, right.

1:19:10 Drew So she's got to be like service top. So weird, weird.

1:19:13 Adam Big gal, big gal.

1:19:15 Drew She was a...

1:19:16 Adam Felt Florida to me. I felt Florida for the girl.

1:19:18 Drew She was in porn, so I...

1:19:20 Adam I go to Germany. You go to Germany? Drew, what are you saying?

1:19:26 Drew I can't figure it out. Does Germany have weird sideshow, porn?

1:19:28 Caller Yeah, well, I can see Germany having a weird side show.

1:19:30 Drew Florida doesn't have weird shows like that, do they?

1:19:32 Adam I think they do, yeah.

1:19:33 Drew Do they?

1:19:34 Adam I think they do.

1:19:35 Drew I cannot decide.

1:19:35 Caller You know, I'm just not into fat porn, so I have to hope that it was German.

1:19:39 Best Of Why do you think she's fat?

1:19:40 Caller because she's big, you didn't cut her sternum, I figure she had a big chin.

1:19:42 Drew No, but maybe it was a silicone type, you know, make-a-style silicone.

1:19:46 Adam All right, but don't try to talk Orlando out of his guy answer.

1:19:49 Drew No, I'm just trying to reason this through here.

1:19:50 Adam I'm going Florida, Orlando's going Germany.

1:19:52 Drew I'm going Florida.

1:19:53 Adam I'm going Germany. It's ironic that Orlando would go Germany and Adam would go Florida. We need some guy named Helmut who goes Florida here just to sort of equal out the irony. All right, so what do you got, Drew?

1:20:06 Drew Florida.

1:20:07 Adam Florida. Stop being such a puss and going with me all the time.

1:20:10 Drew You're always right. Let's have a go at it.

1:20:12 Adam All right, all right.

1:20:13 Drew I'm just going with the odds.

1:20:14 Adam All right, Jackie. Drew and I are Florida. Orlando is Germany. Go ahead.

1:20:19 Caller Adam and Drew, you guys are both wrong. It's Germany.

1:20:22 Caller Oh, we have not been wrong a long time.

1:20:25 Adam You're wrong twice by saying C when she just says Adam and Drew. Do you understand how bad your instincts are? You see, you're wrong.

1:20:34 Caller Horrible.

1:20:35 Caller I tell you, smell Germany.

1:20:36 Adam Wow.

1:20:37 Caller I work with Six Feet of Roy, man.

1:20:39 Adam Orlando Jones knows.

1:20:40 Drew It makes sense in retrospect. In this country, you couldn't get away with dangerous stuff like that.

1:20:44 Adam No, yes, you could.

1:20:46 Drew Chainsaw, get close to somebody's body with it, legal liabilities and blah, blah, blah.

1:20:51 Adam No, no, no, no. You can do crazy circus acts. It's like a circus thing. You can do that. I thought about that, but they do like knife throwing and stuff like that.

1:21:00 Drew Yeah, from the clowns crawling in that little car.

1:21:02 Caller Yeah, what happened to the lady with the mustache, you know what I mean?

1:21:05 Adam She's got the bra on and she's getting a chainsaw.

1:21:07 Caller Oh, she upgraded that. Okay, well hey, hats off to her.

1:21:10 Drew Let's take another one. Let's do it again. One more time. Yeah, let's do another one.

1:21:12 Caller I like that.

1:21:13 Adam All right, Casey?

1:21:14 Caller Yes?

1:21:15 Adam 28, go ahead.

1:21:17 Caller Hi, really quickly, I just want to say I'm a really big fan. Last time I called in, I was 18 and I'm 28 now, so that's how long I've been listening. Wow.

1:21:27 Adam Drew was like 55.

1:21:29 Caller Yeah. Okay. Emergency medical technicians summoned to the home of a grossly overweight woman and had the usual problems with removing her inadequate stretcher and doorways too small. But there was a much more serious concern for the one 480 pound woman. She had not budged from her couch in several years, and its covering had become grafted onto her skin, requiring her to be transported while on the couch to the hospital. The couch had to later be surgically removed.

1:22:02 Drew Yeah, I've seen cases like that, the hurt of the hospital, where the springs get embedded in the back and you find animals living in them.

1:22:08 Adam No, I mean, I had that when I was effing a bean bag in high school, but it was different.

1:22:12 Drew It didn't get embedded in your prostate?

1:22:15 Adam Well, it wasn't all just... It was messy.

1:22:19 Drew You made a cement...

1:22:21 Adam We had to soak it off.

1:22:22 Drew I see.

1:22:23 Adam It was very uncomfortable. I don't know why my stepmother had to preside over the whole thing. How embarrassing. Very uncomfortable.

1:22:29 Drew Florida. EMT. Yeah. I don't think EMT goes Germany to me.

1:22:34 Adam You mean they don't call it EMT?

1:22:35 Drew I don't think they call it EMT.

1:22:37 Adam Maybe they would translate it that way.

1:22:38 Drew Maybe they would.

1:22:39 Adam All right.

1:22:40 Drew I've heard of these things going on in the US.

1:22:42 Adam We're all going Florida. Although 480, I don't believe morbidly obese in Florida. I believe they would call that fit. Yes.

1:22:50 Caller Oh, you're right.

1:22:51 Adam All right. We're going Florida, Casey.

1:22:54 Caller Unanimously Florida?

1:22:56 Caller Wait.

1:22:56 Drew Last answer?

1:22:57 Adam Yes.

1:22:58 Drew Final answer.

1:22:59 Adam I get so nervous.

1:23:00 Caller Would you like any lifelines, anyone?

1:23:03 Adam No. Florida.

1:23:04 Caller Okay. So you're one for one now this evening. It is Florida.

1:23:07 Drew There we go.

1:23:08 Adam All right. Well, I'm one for two actually. And so it's true.

1:23:12 Drew Yeah. No, one, one, one, one win, one loss.

1:23:16 Adam Yeah, I know. But you would call it one for one.

1:23:18 Caller One for two.

1:23:19 Caller One for two.

1:23:20 Adam One for one would be.

1:23:20 Caller You're one and one, I should say.

1:23:22 Caller That's right. I'm two and one.

1:23:23 Adam There you go. That's right. Thanks. Yeah. Orlando. Don't ever forget that.

1:23:27 Caller Yeah, yeah. Make that clear.

1:23:28 Best Of Um, but, uh, all right.

1:23:32 Caller I want to talk to Nicole. Yes, please.

1:23:34 Best Of Okay.

1:23:35 Adam Some hot lesbian action going up here.

1:23:38 Caller Ooh.

1:23:38 Adam Nicole?

1:23:39 Caller Yeah.

1:23:40 Drew You're 19?

1:23:41 Caller Uh, what?

1:23:42 Adam What's up?

1:23:43 Drew My son's baseball team played a Santa Marga- Santa Margarita team today.

1:23:47 Adam I'm not going to explain that, Drew. You're going to have to explain.

1:23:49 Drew Santa Margarita is where Nicole's calling from. It's part of Orange County, which is-

1:23:52 Best Of There you go.

1:23:53 Caller Yeah, it's really something.

1:23:54 Drew Behind the orange curtain.

1:23:55 Adam You just have to explain that one part, why you're bringing it up.

1:23:58 Best Of Yeah. Okay.

1:23:59 Adam It's all right.

1:24:00 Best Of Maybe in your 2050 year of radio, you'll figure that out. 30.

1:24:04 Adam Nichol?

1:24:04 Caller Yeah.

1:24:05 Adam You're 19. You're calling from Santa Margarita.

1:24:08 Caller Yes. Okay. What happened was-

1:24:11 Drew Oh, wait a minute, Nichol.

1:24:13 Best Of I got it.

1:24:14 Caller First of all, is what happened was-

1:24:16 Drew Hold on a second. Did you hear that?

1:24:17 Best Of Oh, yeah.

1:24:18 Drew You heard that? Yeah.

1:24:19 Caller Okay.

1:24:19 Drew Let's give that another 20 seconds or so.

1:24:23 Best Of No, I got it.

1:24:24 Adam I timed it at 35 or 36, so that means it will be coming in about a minute. Seven.

1:24:32 Caller Here we go.

1:24:33 Best Of Wow. Seven. No, we got a few seconds.

1:24:35 Drew We got six seconds.

1:24:36 Best Of Three, two, one, go.

1:24:45 Drew Maybe it's the 35 second thing.

1:24:48 Best Of There it is.

1:24:49 Drew All right.

1:24:49 Adam So that was 13. All right.

1:24:51 Best Of Hold on.

1:24:52 Adam I got to I got to I got to pace this now. One went off at 36. The other one off at 113. So that's 47.

1:25:01 Drew Yeah.

1:25:02 Adam Is that 47?

1:25:03 Drew I got to listen to the map.

1:25:04 Adam Yeah, that's 47.

1:25:05 Drew That's 47.

1:25:06 Adam OK, so 47 on to 113. Then is.

1:25:12 Drew But you stop the clock.

1:25:14 Caller Oh, oh, oh, oh.

1:25:16 Best Of Well, wait a minute.

1:25:16 Adam Now this one will work.

1:25:17 Best Of I'm looking at the wrong one. Oh, man.

1:25:21 Adam We're all over the place now.

1:25:22 Drew But Nicole, yeah, we're going to have to reset. There it is.

1:25:26 Best Of OK, there it is.

1:25:27 Drew It was twenty two.

1:25:28 Best Of OK.

1:25:29 Drew Twenty two.

1:25:29 Best Of So it'll be twenty two.

1:25:31 Adam All right.

1:25:31 Drew Seventeen next time. I have thirty six.

1:25:34 Adam One off at the no. No, this is a longer one. This is a longer one. This one's forty seven seconds. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying this thing.

1:25:44 Drew Supposed to be 109.

1:25:45 Adam This thing should be 109. We're just looking at the clock here and trying to pace. That's her smoke alarm, by the way.

1:25:52 Drew That's right.

1:25:53 Caller I heard it.

1:25:53 Adam That's her low battery. Now get closer to it. What are you going to call?

1:25:57 Caller Everybody thinks it's a bird.

1:25:59 Drew Yeah, well.

1:26:00 Adam Those are your stone friends.

1:26:01 Drew Yeah, what kind of people are you visiting? Oh, yeah, it was again. That came early that time.

1:26:05 Adam Yeah, well, no, they don't change.

1:26:06 Best Of Uh-oh.

1:26:08 Adam No, no, there's not two of them. You don't have two of them going on. She was at 22. No, we're at 38. We're at 38. They're always between 33 and, like, 40, right?

1:26:18 Best Of All right.

1:26:19 Adam Let's just wait till the next one. This one would write it too. This one's got to go at 238.

1:26:25 Best Of All right. Let's see if we can count this down.

1:26:27 Adam You there, Nicole?

1:26:28 Caller Yeah.

1:26:29 Adam Are you right underneath your smoke detector?

1:26:31 Caller Yeah, it's right there.

1:26:33 Best Of All right.

1:26:33 Drew But don't talk.

1:26:36 Caller Five, four, three, two.

1:26:40 Caller It just went off.

1:26:41 Caller Second off.

1:26:42 Adam Yeah, we heard it.

1:26:42 Drew We know it just went off. All right.

1:26:43 Best Of Now, here's where the comedy comes. Here's where the...

1:26:45 Adam Now, hold on a second, Nicole. Now, here's where the comedy comes. I'm telling you, Orlando, people live in these houses. The smoke detector is not in the entry hall.

1:26:56 Drew It's probably in her bedroom.

1:26:56 Adam Or the foyer. It is in the master bedroom or in their bedroom, oftentimes. And the average amount of time the thing has been going off is several months.

1:27:08 Drew Three to six months.

1:27:09 Adam Yeah. Now, this thing is over your bed.

1:27:14 Drew Chirping.

1:27:15 Adam It's chirping so audibly that I don't really even need these headphones to hear it. I think if she opened her window, she's in Orange County with a nice offshore breeze, we could hear it. And it is going on month number five this way. And I've said to Drew many times, this would drive a reptile insane. Do you understand? If you had a pet snake, it would go nuts. It would eventually just stand up and call her the C-word and then yell, I'm going insane, you see. How about getting a goddamn effing nine battery, you see. Don't make me slink to the 7-Eleven and get it myself, you see. Do you realize that? I claim more animal than person if you can sleep in that room.

1:28:05 Drew Yes, yes. On the other hand, the case I've made for you, Adam, the skill that you don't have is that unique ability to screen one's environment. That takes an amazing amount of skill.

1:28:16 Adam But it's an interesting thing that it resides on both ends of the human spectrum. The yogis who found such enlightenment that they could actually light themselves on fire and see no pain.

1:28:29 Drew She's getting closer to that.

1:28:30 Adam And then the borderline junior college tards that call this show, both at the spectrum of them not noticing anything.

1:28:36 Caller You know what that is?

1:28:38 Drew That's the amygdala. The amygdala can be pre-wired.

1:28:41 Adam Nicole could walk on flaming sand.

1:28:45 Drew The amygdala screens things out of your nervous system. It screens out for novelty in the environment. So if you're not able to appreciate novelty, well, you won't hear that beep every few minutes because there's no difference in the beep and the non-beep. So there you go.

1:28:58 Caller Wow.

1:28:58 Adam Wow, Nicole. Nicole. Yeah.

1:29:00 Caller Impressed.

1:29:00 Adam How long has that thing been chirping?

1:29:03 Caller Well, I mean, like when I first moved in here, it was, it does that, but I just, I don't even notice it anymore because my dad's did that too.

1:29:13 Best Of Oh, by the way, hold on. Oh.

1:29:20 Adam So her dad's did.

1:29:22 Caller You don't hear Pandora's Boxes?

1:29:23 Best Of No, no.

1:29:24 Drew She was born into a house with a chirping smoke detector. She moved into this house with a smoking smoke detector. Yeah, yeah. Therefore, in 19 years.

1:29:32 Adam No, we call those legacies. She's a prodigy.

1:29:37 Drew Oh my God.

1:29:38 Adam She's a tardigy.

1:29:39 Caller If you meet another guy who has a smoking, beeping smoke detector, marry him right there.

1:29:43 Drew Did you get all that information?

1:29:45 Adam Well, first off.

1:29:45 Drew Let's find out when she moved in.

1:29:47 Adam This is the coup d'etat because this hasn't been going on for six weeks.

1:29:53 Drew No.

1:29:54 Adam This was happening when she moved in.

1:29:56 Drew Yes.

1:29:56 Adam And has not been corrected. And by the way, this is another thing I've learned from now living with a woman. There's something about women which is if they can't reach it, it ain't getting done. I mean, they stick their hand up and as high as they can get their hand, that's where it is. There's no concept of getting. Here's why they don't do the smoke detector, because they can't reach the ceiling. Women do not have the ladder concept at all. Guys, nothing but ladders. Half the guys over 50 die from falling off the ladder. No woman ever dies from falling off the ladder. Whenever you talk about one of your dad's friends, well, what happened? He seemed so clean in the gutters. Yeah, when he landed on us, he's a vet. Well, I've heard. I got a friend. Guy landed and then like rolled into the pool. They found him. Oh, guys die on ladders every day. No woman has ever died on a ladder ever, ever.

1:30:49 Drew Yeah, you're right.

1:30:50 Adam What do they have women firemen? What do they do? Did you sit in a truck?

1:30:54 Drew At 50, they stop.

1:30:55 Adam They can't get it. They can't get above the ladder. No chick will ever go up and get anything off the ceiling. Nicole. Yeah. And by the way, they could they could see a spider size of a tarantula just crawling around, see they just sit there and watch it. They can't do anything. It's a guy's job. Got to go up there and get it. All right.

1:31:12 Drew Nicole, how long have you been living in that house or that apartment?

1:31:16 Caller For about three, three or four weeks, about a month.

1:31:19 Adam Three or four weeks. And the thing was chirping when you moved in.

1:31:22 Caller Yeah. I asked my roommate to get it fixed, but she just didn't.

1:31:26 Adam She. She.

1:31:27 Best Of That's not a lot.

1:31:29 Caller Get it fixed.

1:31:30 Best Of Right.

1:31:30 Drew You understand it doesn't need to be fixed.

1:31:32 Best Of It's not broken.

1:31:32 Drew It's working fine.

1:31:33 Caller It's replaced the battery.

1:31:35 Adam The fact that you can hear it means it's working. It's letting you know.

1:31:38 Drew It's telling you the battery's low.

1:31:40 Caller I don't even want it, though, because I smoke in my room and there's no point. It doesn't go off when I smoke.

1:31:45 Best Of Yeah. Right.

1:31:46 Drew Battery's low.

1:31:46 Adam But it's made not to go off for stuff like cigarette smoke, you understand. Otherwise, it'd just be going off all the time. And by the way, Nicole, do you want it going off when you smoke?

1:31:55 Drew Every time we ask a question, we get an explanation.

1:31:59 Best Of Yeah.

1:31:59 Adam How about you get a 9-volt battery and replace it?

1:32:02 Caller That's crazy. Then you got to get a ladder.

1:32:04 Best Of No, no, no.

1:32:04 Caller Leave it like it is. Let it be.

1:32:06 Caller I can do this in the whole entertainment center. Don't need a ladder.

1:32:10 Best Of What?

1:32:10 Adam Oh, you can step on the entertainment center?

1:32:12 Caller Yeah.

1:32:13 Caller Don't need a ladder.

1:32:14 Caller That's true. Just balance off the TV.

1:32:16 Adam All right.

1:32:17 Drew And what am I supposed to do with that information?

1:32:18 Adam I don't know.

1:32:18 Drew I don't think we're making that.

1:32:19 Adam Nicole, we got to take a little break. All right. I'll tell you what we're going to do. We're going to break the second the thing chirps again.

1:32:26 Best Of All right?

1:32:26 Drew And then we're actually going to return for your question.

1:32:29 Best Of Yeah.

1:32:29 Adam because it's a hot lesbian question.

1:32:32 Best Of Yeah.

1:32:32 Adam All right.

1:32:33 Caller Is it your room, man? Don't answer. Hold that thought.

1:32:36 Best Of We're going to break.

1:32:37 Adam You ready, Chris?

1:32:38 Best Of When you hear the chirp, Orlando Jones in tonight.

1:32:41 Drew I want to hear a very lively outro. Hold on, Nicole.

1:32:50 Caller There it is.

1:32:51 Caller There it goes.

1:32:54 Caller We're out. We're not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, December 19, 2004