Episode 1000662848488

0:05 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:09 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

0:12 Voiceover Sexually oriented content.

0:15 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

0:18 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

0:19 Voiceover This is Loveline.

0:25 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

0:27 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. And tonight we have the host. I was going to say cast, but the host and cast of Extra. Dayna Devon and Mark McGrath, both here. Good evening. Nice to see you. We've never met, have we?

0:50 Guest No, we haven't. I've met Drew. I mean, doctor. The doctor. The doctor is in. But I've not met you.

0:57 Adam Where did you meet Dr. Drew?

0:59 Guest He was at Extra.

1:00 Drew Remember? He's an alumni. What about a blank? I did some work over there.

1:03 Guest Which is interesting, actually.

1:04 Adam Yeah.

1:04 Guest Because as I was coming here today, I got a lot of messages about how you were actually not a fan of Extra.

1:10 Adam Aha. That's very true.

1:13 Drew I'm not a fan of those kinds of television.

1:16 Adam Those genres.

1:18 Guest Right. And also, Adam, if I might, that you weren't actually a fan of the spelling of my name.

1:24 Adam Wow.

1:24 Guest We're just going to start right off, aren't we?

1:27 Drew Good for you. As a journalist.

1:28 Adam Well, let's get into that for a second.

1:30 Guest Right.

1:31 Adam The ridiculous Dayna, D-A-Y-N-A. I know. But you can change it. You should change it because here's the thing. First off, everyone has to take a hiccup before it comes out of their mouth if they're reading it. Right.

1:44 Drew What name is that?

1:45 Adam Dayna?

1:46 Drew There's just a heartbeat before you screw it up.

1:53 Adam And then the other part is, I find it passive aggressive by appearance. It's an attack. It's not passive. It's just aggressive. Yeah. Is there someone in the family who spells it?

2:06 Guest No. No. I don't know why they did it actually. It's really annoying because of that, what you just said, Danya, Donya, Dineshia, whatever. Nobody ever gets it right. And it's really very simple. Dayna.

2:19 Adam Yeah. Well, no, it's spelled like I would have spelled it in the third grade. Well, I want to say third grade. Yesterday. Let's make it the eleventh grade. I'm not good at these things. Mark McGrath. I watch your show, by the way.

2:34 Guest It's your guilty pleasure.

2:36 Adam You heard that. And I don't mean guilty pleasure like, oh, I like to mainline a little heroin every once in a while.

2:43 Drew That's your usual guilty pleasure.

2:45 Adam I just I want to see, you know, Julius twins and you know, the names. Oh, yeah. Go ahead.

2:51 What do you think about the names?

2:55 Adam I'll tell you what's funny.

2:56 Speaking of mainlining heroin.

2:58 Adam Here's the reason why I know one of their names is Phineas and the other's name is like Hazel. Madge Hazel. Right. OK. I have a nephew named Finn, and I think his name is Phineas, but I'm not. I've always been scared to ask my sister. It's one of the things where you know when you meet someone at the party and then there's a window closes where you can't ask again what it is. When they're relatives, you really can't pipe up. He's between three and 19. I think I'm either going to give him a big wheel or a Corvette this year. I'm not sure.

3:33 Caller Finn drives a Corvette for sure.

3:34 Adam Finn is probably, I think he's five, he's five. His name is Finn, and my sister's all artsy fartsy and everything, but we're at Kimmel all day today with the writers. First topic at the writers' table is, look at these crazy names that Julie Roberts gave her kids. Oh, Finn, what an ass-kicking he's going to get. I'm like, Adam, ridiculous. I'm just sitting there waiting for someone to pipe up, but no one seems to have known. Then I don't know whether to say anything or not. They're all laughing, and he's going to be gay, and what kind of ridiculous parent would name their kid. Talk about precocious. She should be sued. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I don't know.

4:16 Guest You know, Phineas is a classic name. What is it, The Catcher in the Rye?

4:19 Caller You're asking me? How did I know?

4:20 Guest Well, you actually are very well-read.

4:22 Caller Judy Blume.

4:22 Guest Isn't it from The Catcher in the Rye or something? Wasn't there Phineas?

4:24 Caller No, there is some.

4:26 Guest It's kind of a classic name, but Hazel, I'm losing.

4:29 Adam Is it Hazel?

4:30 Guest It's right on the heels of Apple, which I'm still not okay with.

4:33 Caller Well, I'm so anti when parents try to make themselves look cool and name their kids something. Give the kid a chance. Hard enough.

4:39 Adam Yeah, I agree.

4:41 Caller I agree.

4:41 Adam Like, Drew, you're just Drew, right? What was your real first name?

4:45 Drew David Drew.

4:46 Adam David. See, name your kid David.

4:47 Caller That's like a soap star's name.

4:48 Adam Let the chips fall where they may. Just call him David. He's going to sink or swim with David. We're not going to help it. He's not doing anything with David. And by the way, David's, I don't care. Look, we're not going to talk that much. I'm going to call him Boy.

5:06 Guest Adam, do you have kids?

5:08 Adam No, I don't. I'm trying.

5:09 Drew Oh, we're waiting for that moment. Oh, that's a problem. What's the problem?

5:13 Adam Yeah. But I've been working on it. I don't know.

5:16 Guest I think it's Tidy Whitey.

5:18 Adam It's Tidy Whitey. I've been thinking about names like, you know, because you got to factor in the last name. They don't factor in the last name. You got Corolla. What about Clutch Corolla?

5:28 Caller It's a poor name.

5:30 Adam Clutch is a strong name. Toyota.

5:31 Caller Clutch is cool.

5:33 Drew Cargo Corolla.

5:34 Adam Clutch is Corolla. Ace Corolla. Deuce Corolla is nice.

5:38 Drew What, the Deuce?

5:39 Adam Yeah. All right. So extra, let's see, 730, right?

5:43 Guest Or seven.

5:43 Drew Seven, yes.

5:44 Adam Or seven. All right. So wait, when does Pat O'Brien come on?

5:48 Guest He's on a different thing now, because remember, he moved over to The Insider.

5:51 Adam I know, but he moved over, but then he's still somewhere else. What's going on with him? By the way, I want half as much Pat O'Brien, not twice as much Pat O'Brien. I like him, and I want half as much of him. Someone should have said, no, no, you misunderstood, Pat, we wanted less. We had an ass full of you six months ago. We were looking to reel it in just a little bit. We were looking to expand. Yeah, who decided he could franchise this way? We didn't like the first doughnut shop he was running. They can't open another one. What is he on, five channels now?

6:24 Guest He's on one, actually, but he's just really prominent.

6:28 Adam Well, someone needs to tell him to slow down a little.

6:31 Hey, old man, slow down.

6:32 Caller You're telling him now.

6:34 Adam Wait a minute, Sugar Ray needs another lead singer, don't they?

6:36 Caller Yeah, he plays keyboards.

6:39 Adam Oh, you know how he does a 20-minute segment on it every night.

6:43 Caller Hey, look, a piano. No way, Brad Garrett, there's a piano in your house.

6:50 Adam Yeah, I don't like that show. Screw that show, Extras. Extras is a show I watch. 7 o'clock, and it's doing well, right? Does it matter? Can they ever take them away? I mean, can it go? Especially now that there's four.

7:03 Guest There's four now, yeah. There's four, so you only, you figure there's a pie, there's only so much to go around. You never know when it's going to stop. But right now, I mean, we have an insatiable, as a society, appetite for entertainment. If you look at like, Us Weekly didn't used to be an entertainment magazine. Remember?

7:20 Adam What was it?

7:21 Guest It was kind of like a... Yeah, it was kind of like a World News Tonight slash Life magazine.

7:27 Adam Remember that?

7:28 Guest That wasn't too long ago.

7:29 Adam And they start making the...

7:31 Drew And then now we have InStyle.

7:33 Guest No one was interested. What was the other one? There's InStyle. Star. Star, but there's another one. Anyway, there's a ton of them. These were just recent, like in the last three year, magazines.

7:43 Adam And, Drew, are you here now?

7:46 Guest InTouch, thank you.

7:46 Caller Excuse her.

7:48 Adam So, what's the schedule? Oh, by the way, though, now, Extra's 11th season, 11th season, because I remember they were sort of the new kid on the block. I mean, Entertainment Tonight was the perennial one. Extra feels like a, not brand new, but, well, they came around after 11th year.

8:05 Guest I remember that, too.

8:06 Adam Now, what were you doing when they hit?

8:07 Guest I was in college.

8:09 Adam Who was the, that's a good answer, by the way. It's bad when, you know, you'd say, like, I was just playing catch with my grandson and I got the call 11 years ago. You were in college. Good. That's right. Where did you go to college?

8:23 Guest I went to the illustrious Texas Tech University.

8:26 Adam Go Red Raiders. Yeah. Red Raiders. A great name, because.

8:30 Caller Bobby Knight.

8:30 Adam Raiders alone would have been enough.

8:31 Guest Not really known for their academic achievements, though. Let's just be honest.

8:34 Adam Yeah, but that's all. Are we a journalism major?

8:37 Guest No. No.

8:38 Caller What was your major?

8:39 Guest It was English, which is frightening.

8:41 Adam Hold on. We're hearing a crazy echo.

8:43 Drew I can throw my voice. I think Dayna's doing it.

8:46 Adam Oh, really?

8:47 Drew Yeah, the devil's speaking through her. There's some crazy...

8:49 Guest The devil's speaking through her.

8:52 Drew Did you hear that? It's a crazy echo sometimes.

8:54 Adam Yeah, I do hear a crazy echo.

8:55 Guest I thought it was you guys.

8:57 Adam Engineer Chris has snapped in action.

8:58 Drew I noticed he hopped out of here.

9:00 Adam He's taking a leak.

9:01 Guest I mean, it was a blur. Seriously, I could barely see him.

9:04 Drew He's animated.

9:05 I noticed it, but he was calling me on air, and he was trying to whisper in the corner, and I said, dude, leave the room and call me.

9:09 Drew And that's what we were hearing? No.

9:11 Apparently, he's got a problem.

9:13 Adam He was calling him on the air.

9:15 Drew I wonder if we were picking up his voice talking to you.

9:17 Adam No, we're hearing an echo. True.

9:20 Guest When I was telling people today that I was coming on this, I should probably not hit my microphone with my fist.

9:24 Drew No. That's part of the show.

9:27 Guest When I was telling people, I was coming to the show, so many people are so excited about the show. I had no idea, because I'm usually in bed by now.

9:33 Adam The same guy ratted me and Drew out, by the way, was one of the excited ones.

9:37 Guest I have his number, actually, Adam Bernstein. He's so excited about this. He listens every night before he goes, you know, it's 10 o'clock is my bedtime.

9:43 Drew He had a little critique of the various games we play.

9:45 Guest Yeah, I have a message to play for you if we can get it.

9:48 Drew Anderson, were you able to get that?

9:50 Adam He likes or he doesn't like.

9:53 Guest He used to like something joke game or joke or something, Dr. Drew's jokes or something. Is that right?

9:58 Drew Well, back on television.

9:59 Adam Oh, yeah, that's right.

10:00 Guest He liked that, but he does not like a new game.

10:02 Drew He doesn't like the Ranchero Castle.

10:04 Guest He does not like Ranchero.

10:06 Adam All right, well, now we're going to have to play it. You guys are going to love Ace's Mexican Ranchero recording Countdown, by the way, and I predict it may even weave its way into action. And Mark was on location in England, by the way. No, wait, yes. Yes, that was last week.

10:25 Caller Yeah, it was two weeks ago. Yeah, two weeks ago. It was two weeks ago, right? Yeah, I am. I'm still on.

10:32 Adam Yeah, that's cool.

10:33 Guest He's hanging out with Shania Twain.

10:35 Adam In England. Oh, is she doing a play? What's going on?

10:37 Caller No, no. Actually, I interviewed Kristen Slater who's doing a play of her. He's doing One Who Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, doing the Jack Nicholson role.

10:44 Guest Maybe I was Phineas.

10:46 Adam Maybe, yeah.

10:46 Caller I don't know who I'm talking to anymore.

10:48 Drew Phineas Fogg.

10:49 Adam Yes.

10:49 Drew Round the world in 80 days, right?

10:55 Caller He's the doctor.

10:56 Adam Yeah, huge Jackie Chan fan.

10:59 Drew That's why I learned the name.

11:00 Adam All right, so what are we doing?

11:02 Drew We're going to take some calls and then we'll play a Ranchero countdown. Okay.

11:04 Adam We've got to wait for Chris to get back. Brandy? What's up?

11:11 Drew Oh, not much.

11:12 Adam All right. All right. All right.

11:15 Drew Here we go, Brandy. Break it down. Come on.

11:18 Adam Here we go. Get a hand in. Here we go now. Let's go now.

11:23 All right. Well, I've got this guy that I like and I've been interested in him for a couple of years. We've been friends and we've just recently started hanging out and getting to know each other and, you know, I've decided that-

11:40 Drew Brandy, Brandy, Brandy, Brandy. What's the question? What is the question?

11:45 Caller Well, basically, I'm really interested in this guy and I want to, you know, sleep with him and all that kind of stuff, but I don't know how to let him know that I want to do that without making myself sound like a total fag.

11:57 Drew There are going to be two approaches to this. First of all, we're going to let Dayna approach this and then we're going to tell you the actuality of your situation.

12:03 Guest Well, okay, I'm so glad you let me handle this because I just read the book, He's Just Not That Into You. If he wanted to sleep with you, he'd be sleeping with you.

12:11 Drew Correct.

12:11 Guest Guys don't care about a friendship. They are not ever keeping it in their pants because they want to save a friendship.

12:18 Drew If he was actually interested in this with you, it would be like trying to hold back a freight train.

12:24 Guest Yeah.

12:24 Drew That's it.

12:24 Guest I completely agree.

12:25 Drew Otherwise, you can't turn a guy into that guy.

12:29 Guest What?

12:29 Drew He's either in or out. It's not even a debate. By the way, how did Dayna know that? She's the best. She's cracked the code.

12:34 Adam She's a red raider. In between beer bongs and pay raids, she cracked a book.

12:39 Guest Mark said to me the other day, it was the greatest thing. He said, you know what the difference is between women and men? I was like, no, what? He said, if a woman's not into a guy, she could care less. It doesn't matter what he does, if he's trying to cool, whatever. She could care less. But even if a guy's not into a girl, he still wants to see a naked part of her. If a boob accidentally comes out, he still wants to see naked boob or whatever.

13:00 Caller Stay in the obvious.

13:01 Guest But women will just turn away from it.

13:05 Adam I will lay down some sack every once in a while at the workplace, because I will wear like a dolphin short, a running type short with no underpants. This is summer, fall and sometimes spring, but rarely winter unless it's a warm winter like we're having.

13:24 Caller Casual Friday.

13:25 Guest I'm glad to know you're being aerated.

13:26 Adam I will aerate and women, I've seen women where the vomit came out of their nostrils. They put their hand over their mouth and it comes shooting out of their nostrils. And I fear if they plug their nose, it will come out of their ears, or maybe their eyes.

13:40 Guest And then there's a real medical situation.

13:42 Adam Women are grossed out. Like if there was a guy, the ugliest chick in the office, if a little nipple was hanging out on the side of the bra, it would draw a crowd, whereas women would be grossed out.

13:51 Drew The biggest example of that though is a woman who's already been with a guy. They dated for a while, they slept together, and she comes to her sense and goes, oh, this isn't working, and then looks back and when she talks to her friends about having been with that guy, she's like, huh! She shudders. It's a physical fringing. The guy would come around and run another round, come around.

14:10 Adam I've induced the shiver a few times. What was I thinking? Oh, there's no loofah big enough to clean it.

14:17 Caller Then a couple of years later, you're like, where's that number?

14:20 Adam Take that rape bath they do in the movie. I just cry and I want to crawl out of my skin and send it out.

14:27 Drew Brandi, there's really unfortunately nothing you can do. The only thing you can do here is if you make your wish to be known, he will sleep with you, but it will not be a relationship. He will not be coming back. And if he is in, he'd already be in, so to speak.

14:43 Caller We've talked about it. We've actually even agreed that we want to be friends with benefits and all that kind of stuff.

14:47 Drew Yeah, but Brandi, friends with benefit for a guy, I'm telling you.

14:50 Caller You cash that in immediately.

14:52 Drew That will never go anywhere else than friends with benefit. And if that's okay with you, fine. But I'm picking up that you're into this guy. And I don't think you ought to... Brandi, be honest with yourself. For crying out loud, be honest. Don't do that to yourself.

15:06 Caller If that's all he wants it to be, then that's fine. He wants it all.

15:08 Drew That's not fine.

15:09 Guest He wants a friend, a sleeping buddy, you know.

15:11 Drew And that's it. And that's not all you want it to be. And you're taking that because that's all you're gonna get. And that's really setting yourself short.

15:17 Adam When did this, I was just thinking about in our society, look, if he wants to see other people, then that's fine. Or if that's all he just wants to hump on, that's fine.

15:26 Drew When did women decide they're gonna take that as, why is that okay?

15:30 Guest People always say that, but it never works.

15:31 Drew But they settle for that. Women do that all the time. It drives me insane.

15:35 Adam Dayna doesn't settle. Of course, you don't settle for that. No. You don't look like Dayna's settle for anything. You don't settle.

15:42 Guest I don't think dating even really works in our society because generally people go out with somebody like three times and they maybe sleep with them. Isn't that about what you think is probably three dates and they're sleeping together? And so you can't.

15:53 Adam But if they order.

15:54 Caller The 50s maybe.

15:57 Guest I'm saying at the latest.

15:58 Caller Geez.

15:59 Guest Right?

15:59 Adam Well, if they order the surf and turf.

16:02 Guest The surf and turf, yeah.

16:04 Adam Yeah, it depends what you get.

16:05 Guest You are funny.

16:06 Adam You just wanna get a dinner salad, I'll give you five. But if you're going surf and turf, I gotta get something.

16:11 Guest So you can't really be dating, like you know how people are like, oh I'm just dating around. Well you can't be really dating three dates with this guy and then dating three dates with this guy because then you're sleeping with everyone. So you can't do that. So it doesn't really work anymore.

16:22 Drew But you know what, the reality is there should be more dating. There should be dating as a procedure of assessment. Just so you figure out what the hell you want, who you want, how do you live with your next. I know, Bark, you can't wait past the first handshake. But the fact is.

16:40 Caller We've all been there. Well, let's wrap it up and have some fun.

16:42 Adam It's an interesting point, which is if dating is made for a society that doesn't sleep together for a few months. If everyone's gonna hop on, get Mark's bus with him, or I should say now dressing room with him after 10 minutes.

16:57 Drew Office is an office now.

16:58 Adam Yeah, he gives her some Mike and Ikes. That's enough to lure her back to the dressing room. That's fine. All I'm saying is you can't date because then everyone's just spreading venereal disease at this point.

17:12 Drew But I think, though, if women who have all the power.

17:16 Guest Yeah, they are the gatekeepers.

17:18 Drew If they would just put the brakes on a little bit and just ask for some sort of procedural assessment, even five dates, because you may not go to that fifth date before you sleep. Four dates is plenty to know that you wanna go on to date somebody else. Then you could date. Right. It's the fact that it's three that's really the problem, isn't it?

17:37 Guest It is.

17:37 Drew It's really the problem.

17:38 Guest That's the number.

17:39 Drew It's one to three, yeah.

17:40 Caller All right, three's the panic.

17:41 Adam Well, Drew, now that we're married, let's get it checked out.

17:44 Caller The woman's panicking, the guy's panicking. He's like, what's going on here?

17:46 Drew Yeah, no one's gonna screw it up for the rest of the side. That's the kids. Sure, of course.

17:48 Caller You need a Starbucks card to punch. All right.

17:51 Drew One more call and then it's on Ranchero.

17:52 Adam All right, we'll talk to Maria. Hey, Chris, how you doing there with the Ranchero music? Feeling good?

17:58 Drew Pretty good, man.

17:58 Adam Pretty good? Yeah. Maria? 22? What's up?

18:06 Caller Well, I know females can have multiple orgasms. I was wondering how likely it is that males do it.

18:14 Drew Men do not actually have multiple orgasms. Once they go, well, once they go into refractory, you can have two sort of little peaks.

18:20 Caller I've never had more than one.

18:21 Drew Yeah, but once you go into refractory, that's why it's called refractory. That means you can't. That just means bummer. By definition, you can't. You know, guys can have this sort of, kind of a bi, you know, sort of a dual peak thing in one, but it's really one. It's really one.

18:35 Caller Who are these liars, Dr. Drew, out there?

18:37 Drew Oh, like Sting, who's telling us that you can Yeah, nine hours of tantric BS.

18:40 Oh, what is that?

18:42 Drew It's all BS. It's delaying ejaculation for nine hours.

18:45 Caller Who wants that anyway? That sounds like work to me.

18:48 Adam By the way.

18:50 Guest It would just be exhausting.

18:51 Caller You know, I've already worked eight hours. I don't want to, you know.

18:55 Adam Sting, you've been married since Zumblata and Nimblata, whatever that, you know.

19:01 Caller Atlantis de Amor.

19:02 Adam You've been on the same chip for 20 years. How about rolling it back to seven hours? Really? Your kids have to sit outside the room and listen to that for nine hours straight. I got a question for daddy. Don't knock, let him finish. Calendar pages blowing by.

19:21 Drew My math homework.

19:22 Guest You know, once you hear this stuff about people, though, like, I listen to his music now and I'm like, ugh, that's all I can think about. Thank you, that's good. And there's rumors, and I don't know if these are substantiated, that they go to some sex clubs and he's out naked having sex with someone right in front of Trudy, you know?

19:37 Drew That's hell.

19:37 Caller Rock and roll, baby.

19:38 Guest All I hear is, in his music, is thinking of him in a sex club, you know?

19:43 Caller Fields of Gold has a different meaning now, doesn't it?

19:44 Guest It totally does.

19:47 Caller Go ahead, go ahead, you're gonna do it.

19:48 Drew No, I'm just saying, I don't see a big difference between that behavior and the other one. It's all sort of compulsive sexual acting out and stuff.

19:57 Adam So the guys, I mean, the guys' version, what's the closest the guy will come to a multiple orgasm?

20:04 Drew There's two versions. One is they can have like a double peak in one, but it's really just one, just kind of ah. That's like a stall, right? It's like, yeah. Yes, yes, and then they'll be like.

20:13 Adam You see that in the porn movies, everyone.

20:15 Drew Yes, yes, they can do that.

20:16 Adam Little rogue rope comes out, it's like giant ropes.

20:19 Drew And if you're 18.

20:20 Adam No, I'm just saying, it's just like, that's it, oh, there's another one, oh, yeah.

20:24 Caller And then they're done, they open their eyes again, it's like, oh!

20:27 Drew And if you're 18, sometimes your refractory period is like 12 minutes as opposed to.

20:31 Caller Or a whole year.

20:34 Drew Refractory?

20:36 Guest Three days.

20:36 Adam Well, I'm going on month three.

20:37 Drew Month three. Okay, that's good. It's like a lunar calendar.

20:42 Caller Have you ever heard of something where it's like a delayed stall and there's a non-ejaculation?

20:47 Drew And then refractory.

20:48 Caller Yeah, and then you're just bummed because then your load's like locked in like the plumbing.

20:51 Drew You know, it actually is an induced refractory state.

20:54 Caller I don't know what that is, am I saying that?

20:55 Drew You're refractory, now you can't have an orgasm.

20:57 Caller Yeah, and like, it's almost like blocked.

20:59 Drew It's blocked, you're in refractory without actually having ejaculation.

21:02 Caller How do you alleviate that?

21:04 Drew Time.

21:04 Guest Is that the blue thing?

21:05 Caller Oh, I don't get that.

21:06 Drew No, no, that's different. The blue thing is different.

21:07 Caller The blue thing is different.

21:08 Adam Ranchero music, we gotta quickly get to ranchero music. But Mark's not talking about a retrograde ejaculation.

21:14 Drew No, he's talking about one that sort of almost happens and then does it and then you're refractory.

21:18 Caller And then you're bummed and then you're stuck. You know what a dog's like? It's just stuck in that and you have to pour sugar on it?

21:23 Drew Right.

21:25 Guest I got such a visual there, yeah.

21:26 Caller It's true, it's coming to my house.

21:29 Drew Well, explain to these guys what we're doing.

21:30 Adam All right, I'm gonna, I just wanna make sure Chris is cool. I've learned from doing many years in the construction field here in Los Angeles that the ranchero music is the drum. It's the beat of the drum that drives this city. The ranchero music and nothing more annoying by the way, but the accordion seems to be the backbone of the ranchero music.

21:49 Caller It's the turntables, if you will.

21:50 Adam And then I started to realize, I don't think I've ever heard ranchero music without a blaring, obnoxious accordion in the middle of it. And then I started playing this game at the office over at JKL, where we just turn it on and see how long it takes for we hear accordion, and that turned into an Ace's Ranchero Accordion. So Drew, why don't you get things started tonight and tell us what you think.

22:14 Drew Four seconds.

22:15 Adam Four seconds. Now, this is a random ranchero song. Engineer Chris is gonna turn it up, not at the beginning, but just in a random spot of a random ranchero song. Drew says four seconds.

22:26 Drew What's the record?

22:27 Adam Well, once in a blue moon, there's no accordion. No.

22:31 Drew Yeah, so I know, shocking, we're blown away.

22:33 Adam Oftentimes it's immediate.

22:35 Drew Usually, man, immediate to three is the average, but sometimes it goes to eight to 12.

22:38 Guest And then there's the refractory.

22:39 Drew There's the refractory.

22:40 Caller And you're stuck, right. What's the name of the group here? Cause I'm kind of, you know, you're in a show.

22:45 Adam Dayna, what do you have?

22:46 Guest I'm gonna go two.

22:48 Adam All right, two seconds.

22:49 Guest That seems like safe.

22:50 Adam Mark?

22:50 Caller I'm gonna go eight. Feelin zany. We gotta have a bridge or something, you know.

22:55 Adam All right, I'm going immediate.

22:58 Drew Perfect.

22:58 Adam All right, let's.

22:59 Caller I'm gonna lose, aren't I?

23:00 Adam We got four, two, three.

23:02 Caller I'm out.

23:02 Adam Immediate. All right, you ready there, Rancher and Chris? Hold on now.

23:05 Four, three, two, one, go.

23:14 Guest You know, it is a wonder Adam Bernstein did not like this game.

23:17 Adam It's a great game.

23:18 Guest It's a great game.

23:19 Adam It's a great game, Adam. Jews love Ranchero music. That's been proven time and time again. Right. I mean, every lawyer's office, every dentist's office, Ranchero music, blaring.

23:30 Drew A lot of high education in the Jewish community. And nothing says New England in the winter like this music.

23:34 Caller Totally.

23:34 Adam No, I mean, Drew, you think of your college days back.

23:37 Drew I think of colleges, there's snow, 20 below zero.

23:39 Guest I see a lot of the Hasidic Jews over in my area, and this is the music they have.

23:43 Caller I think surfing, you know? I think surfing. By the way, the accordion hasn't stopped. Yeah, not only is it not, it's a plan, yeah.

23:50 Adam We'll play it again, don't worry.

23:52 Drew See, this is Ranchero music. That's some of that stuff that you play laszlo with.

23:55 Adam Well, we hear Cookie Song every once in a while, but here's the thing with Ranchero music, it has an incredible range, about the range of a daisy air rifle.

24:06 Caller A lot of dynamics, too. What's the listener response to your game here?

24:10 Drew Well, Adam's not a fan.

24:12 Guest Adam's not a fan. He called me tonight.

24:14 Caller It's personal, it's kind of a personal game.

24:16 Adam Yeah, it is.

24:17 Caller I think there's maybe two people thoroughly enjoying this.

24:20 Adam We're maybe excluding it. Well, I think we'll hear from some fans out there. The point is, there's a proud silent majority that listens to the show. Yes, Drew?

24:31 Drew Well, Dayna has not yet been exposed to Germany or Florida.

24:34 Adam Oh, we're gonna play Germany or Florida.

24:36 Guest Oh, that's, he talked about that. I've got it, yeah, he talked about Germany and Florida.

24:39 Adam All right, so we'll play that later tonight as well.

24:41 Guest And I was like, what is he doing? Reading a CNN headline? I didn't understand that part of the message, but now, yeah, I need to hear that.

24:46 Adam Well, we're gonna shed light on everything before the night is true. Dayna Devon here tonight. Also Mark McGrath from Extra, NBC, seven o'clock. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. You guys, you hear me?

25:06 Caller Yeah, I can hear you, dude.

25:07 It sounds a lot better, dude.

25:10 Caller Yeah, I mean, whatever you did, you fixed it.

25:12 I did nothing. Oh, well. Tell her that I can hook it up and she just needs to guide me through the-

25:19 Drew I'm sorry, did you get ahold of that voicemail?

25:21 Yeah, but I couldn't find the right one. But I'll try it again. Okay, all right. All right.

25:27 Drew Yeah, she just said they talk about Loveline throughout the whole message.

25:31 That's all she's told me.

25:32 Drew What's the guy's name, Adam?

25:33 Adam Burstein.

25:34 All right, thank you for the follow-up.

25:37 Adam Here with her from Extra, NBC, seven o'clock, best guilty pleasure on television, Drew.

25:43 Caller Yes, indeed.

25:44 Adam Drew can't stand the show.

25:45 I'm a big fan.

25:46 Drew No, no, not this show.

25:46 Adam Huge fan. Oh, please.

25:48 Guest But Drew, you were going to actually work for Extra at one point, or you did?

25:51 Drew I did some stuff for a little while.

25:53 Adam What? What happened?

25:55 Drew I'm actually, no, I just, I don't have any talent for it, but I'm interested. It makes two of us. Yeah, I'll alert you. I'm disturbed at the sort of the way celebrity is massaged, you know what I mean? Rather than try to dig in, who are these people? I make some, why do they need to do this? Why do they have this craziness? As opposed to, well, they're engaged in this craziness because they're trying to affect something in their career or to affect some other celebrities thinking about it. No, no, no. These are people with real serious disturbances of the psyche.

26:24 Adam You're saying Renell Zellweger has problems with her name is?

26:29 Drew Yeah. I'm saying the people that have chaos in their relationships, as you well know.

26:32 Adam All right, but here's the thing, you can't turn the celebrities into people. If you turn them into people, then you have no more show and no one cares what they ate or what their dog's name is.

26:40 Guest Well, and generally speaking, the audience that you're appealing to doesn't necessarily want to get into the deep, deep. They like, they grew up on video games and they like fast and furious and we've actually tried to slow our show down and try and get a little bit deeper, but sometimes you just, you fight that a little bit. You have a short attention span theater, you know?

26:59 Adam All right, Drew, please.

27:01 Caller You don't want to see the wizard behind the curtain, man.

27:03 Adam That's right.

27:03 Caller You know, keep the curtain closed. You know, Wizard of Oz, baby.

27:07 Guest It's really supposed to be just fun, you know what I mean?

27:09 Caller I know. It is.

27:10 Adam How about it, Drew?

27:11 Caller Yeah.

27:11 Adam How about some fun?

27:12 Drew All right, you're right. I'm too heavy.

27:15 Caller This is illogical.

27:16 Drew I'm with it. I'm with it.

27:17 Caller I'm with it.

27:19 Drew I don't not like Extra. That's not it at all because it's like the happiest staff on earth, you know what I mean?

27:26 Caller It certainly is.

27:27 Drew It's a very happy place.

27:29 Adam It's like a big room there where you go, oh, yeah, the purple one, Mark, to like sit down with Liv Tyler and ask when she was molested and start crying and stuff like that.

27:37 Drew That's what I want.

27:38 Caller That's me. Investigative journalism.

27:40 Guest I like that personally. Like, I like those parts of an interview more than I like anything else. But it just doesn't work in this format. There has to be a branch off if we're going to do that. You know what I mean?

27:49 Drew You mean like a Barbara Walters style?

27:51 Guest Yeah, there has to be like you have to have a separate kind of environment for that because it's not working like that. But you can touch on it, but you just kind of like walk around it, skip around it, then you move on. You know, you can't get real deep.

28:03 Drew Skip, skip.

28:03 Guest Yeah.

28:04 Adam How long, by the way, Billy Bush, pussy by the way, Mark. I don't trust that kid. Drew doesn't even know who he is, do you, Drew? You wouldn't recognize him if you were standing in the street and walked right, bumped right in here, would you?

28:16 Guest No.

28:16 Adam You would.

28:17 Guest You would.

28:18 Adam No, doesn't know the kid. No.

28:20 Guest He's the nephew of Bush?

28:22 Adam Don't even know.

28:22 Drew And what happened?

28:24 Guest He's co-host of Access Hollywood. Actually, I think he's really nice.

28:27 Adam No, but no one likes him. He rubs everyone the wrong way. Guys hate him and chicks are creeped out by him.

28:34 Guest Really?

28:34 Adam Yeah. That's what I would say. Never met anyone that had a good vibe. I'll be kissing his ass once he ends Wednesday. Billy, great job. Hey, give me some sugar. Mark, just stay with the band. Yeah, no, I agree.

28:47 Caller Mark guy is creepy, isn't he?

28:49 Guest I don't think you're creepy. Mark actually was one of the first people that we ever had.

28:52 Caller Thanks for standing up, by the way, because I wasn't even asking you, like, for real.

28:55 Guest No, I'm not asking you. I was going to tell you, though, because Mark is one of the first people that we had that came on the show that didn't offend one or the other. Like, gay men love Mark, straight men love Mark, and gay and straight women love Mark. There's nobody he offends.

29:07 Caller And I love them all.

29:08 Guest You know what I mean? Right.

29:10 Caller I do offend them.

29:10 Drew Until he actually starts loving them all, then it gets a little nasty.

29:13 Guest Yeah, yeah.

29:14 Caller Second date, you know.

29:17 Guest Could you wait till the third week? You know?

29:19 Caller Punch my card.

29:20 Adam Let's take ourselves some phone calls. Drew, watch the show, really.

29:24 Caller She's TiVo, Drew. You got that.

29:26 Drew Got it.

29:27 Adam Ashley?

29:28 Yes.

29:29 Adam You're 24? What's up?

29:32 Caller Well, I just have a question. Ever since I had my first kid about four years ago, I've been really uncomfortable. Actually, it turns me off really bad whenever my husband touches me. Down in my genitals or goes down on me or anything.

29:45 Guest Is it painful or just uncomfortable?

29:47 Caller It just turns me off. It disgusts me.

29:50 Drew Disgusts.

29:50 Adam How about in sex? Same thing?

29:55 Caller And then I had our second kid and I breastfed him. And ever since I breastfed, I don't like my nipples being touched.

30:03 Adam It's just going to run out of parts soon. It's going to feel like just get a Q-tip and poker or something across the room.

30:08 Drew Any problem with the kids holding their hand?

30:10 Guest It sounds psychological though.

30:12 Drew Well, I'm trying to evaluate whether this is sort of post-traumatic stress of some type or if this is some sort of biological reaction. Any way I could figure out a biological medical reason for this, and I can't come up with one. So the next question is, did you have some sort of trauma growing up? Were you sexually abused or something? Um, somewhat.

30:31 Adam Well, that's it. What happened?

30:34 Guest But why do you think the kids have to—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you.

30:37 Drew Because they trigger it. When people have post-traumatic stress, something's got to sort of reawaken it. And so the idea of something coming out of her and all the intimacy with the child reavokes all this creature stuff.

30:47 Adam Plus, she was a kid when she was abused or molested or whatever it was.

30:51 Drew Ashley.

30:52 Guest Did your husband know that, that you had some sexual abuse?

30:55 Drew Yes.

30:56 Adam And who did this to you? Family member?

30:59 Caller Stepfather.

31:00 Adam Stepfather. How old were you?

31:03 Caller It started when I was like seven. And ended when I was, I think I was 13.

31:08 Guest What about counseling? Did you ever get any counseling?

31:11 Caller I got some, but it just didn't seem to help at all.

31:14 Guest I think you guys probably need marital counseling, don't you?

31:17 Caller Everything else is fine. I mean, you know, he's okay with it, but every once in a while he slips up and tries to do something or he gets a little bit frustrated and tries to go down there and it just grosses me out.

31:26 Drew Well, but Ashley, these things don't exist in a relationship.

31:28 Adam By the way, I think these are terms I could agree to in a relationship.

31:30 Caller Yeah, no kidding. Most guys would be stoked on that.

31:32 Adam There'll be no oral sex. Done and done.

31:34 Caller Darn. Tonight was your night, honey.

31:38 Drew I could make it.

31:39 Caller Not everybody's flowerful.

31:41 Drew I'm fine. I'm a man here.

31:44 Adam What do you mean you're fine with it?

31:45 Guest But you'll just tolerate it. You're not into it. You just tolerate it.

31:48 Caller You seek it out?

31:49 Drew I don't seek it out, but I'm happy to oblige.

31:52 Adam You do what you gotta do.

31:54 Guest A little more than that.

31:55 Caller Doctor stirrups in the house.

31:57 Drew Adam had a great way of... Mark? Me? Yeah.

32:00 Caller If there's grass in the valley.

32:03 Drew Adam had a great way of thinking about this. Just looking at it as if you were an anthropologist from Mars. You're Martian and landed, and you're trying to learn about what oral sex is. Go ahead.

32:11 Adam Well, I was saying this. Women say, oh, forget about what you guys do. What about what we have to do? Comparing the two orals. I said, look, forget about what your sexual proclivity is. You're from another planet. You come down here. You want to bury your face on a churro or an abalone? Nine out of ten Martians goes churro.

32:34 Caller Nine out of ten Martians.

32:38 Adam I mean, just those are your two choices. Where are you going? Cinnamon-y, sugary, still hot.

32:47 Caller Or?

32:47 Drew Or. I'm sort of, you know, I'm an adventure scientist. I like that stuff.

32:55 Adam Yes. Yes.

32:56 Drew So I'll go for the Dionysian.

32:59 Adam Yes. Yes. I feel like, well, first off, Mark, you're single, right?

33:03 Caller Yes.

33:03 Adam You're single?

33:04 Caller Yes.

33:04 Adam Okay. So you cannot ask. Well, what I mean is, as a single guy, you can't be yacking on the radio that you're not, that's not your cup of tea because it wants to work its out.

33:15 Caller It's an act of reciprocity, isn't it? I mean, it's, you know what I mean? For a guy, at least. I mean, I know all the guys dig it, but you know, it's not.

33:20 Drew There are guys that are really into it.

33:22 Caller Oh yeah, but psychotically into it.

33:24 Adam You don't want to be with that guy, by the way. That's the weirdo dude.

33:26 Caller Yeah, that's the guy that stares at you.

33:28 Guest That's the guy that I was working in the mall and he would go, we'd find him back in the lingerie section, the place he would be in to the underwear and he would go, pfff.

33:35 Caller Usually has a mustache.

33:36 Drew That's even different.

33:37 Guest Usually has a mustache and drives a van. I want to taste you.

33:40 Caller By the river.

33:41 Adam I need to taste you. Yeah, that guy. Yeah, watch out for that guy.

33:45 Guest That is, I did not really realize. Flavor saving?

33:47 Adam No, no.

33:47 Guest I mean, I knew there were a small part of the population that probably didn't live away.

33:50 Drew You have to use your imagination for that one to know the guys might have a little...

33:54 Adam No. You're misleading her. Here's the thing. Most guys... Here's the thing about guys. We're much more flexible. We can take a punch in the stomach from one of our buddies. We can eat a sandwich that fell on the ground. You know what I mean? We just... We'll do whatever we have to do. We don't have strong feelings about it, but we're not dying to do it after year one of the relationship. We'll do it. Right. I mean, there's a weird thing. It's like... How do you explain to someone... It's like saying someone is not smart, but that doesn't make them dumb. You know what I mean? Not to say we love it doesn't mean we hate it. It just means a gray area there. Yeah, we're ready to do it.

34:31 Drew Well, the guys grow up with no idea what that is for a woman. Guys grow up with a sense that a vagina is just an inside out penis. Right. And therefore, having sex would be perfectly suitable for a woman. The idea that it being different is something that comes much, much later.

34:46 Caller I never know what I'm doing either.

34:47 Drew It goes without saying.

34:49 Caller Right. Well, I'm trying to be the candidate here, Dr. Drew. I'm going to need a kick to the nuts from you.

34:55 Drew I dare you, girl. Wait, wait, wait. Where's my anatomy book? Get the Chris anatomy book.

35:00 Caller I learned from Sam Kinnison. He said do the alphabet with your tongue. You know what I mean?

35:04 Guest You told me that on the set.

35:06 Caller I know. I don't know.

35:08 Guest But isn't there something sexy about it? If you're really into someone, like you're almost ingesting them. I mean, I guess you could be actually are ingesting them, but you know what I mean?

35:18 Adam Red Raider.

35:18 Drew That's how it happens down there in Texas.

35:22 Adam What does happen?

35:23 Guest You warranted the anatomy book.

35:25 Caller The Red Raider.

35:28 Adam You're so into them, you want to consume them.

35:29 Guest Yes.

35:30 Adam There's passion.

35:31 Guest But I guess that goes into the first year thing that you were just saying.

35:36 Drew That's all the action.

35:37 Adam You give your husband a pass tomorrow night, he'll be cool with it.

35:39 Drew Perineum.

35:40 Caller All right, there it is.

35:41 Caller What about digital manipulation?

35:42 Guest You know, my husband is a doctor and he didn't do well in the gynecology part. He failed it, actually.

35:47 Adam I'm sure he gave him a C-minus.

35:49 Drew Very proud that you're bringing that up tonight.

35:50 Guest He likes it when I do that.

35:52 Adam All right, Drew, do this off the air. All right. It's a visual thing. The point is, guys, here's the thing. Guys need to know that they should put a stronger emphasis on this than they actually do. Nobody talks about it. Everyone's talking about sex and humping and screwing and banging and all that good stuff. They never talk about it.

36:11 Drew What if the songs aren't about this part?

36:14 Caller Nothing rhymes with Cunning Lungus.

36:15 Caller Right.

36:19 Adam What rhymes with abalone?

36:21 Caller Right. Right.

36:22 Adam If you think about it.

36:22 Caller Right.

36:24 Caller But hey, there's never good communication. I've never had good communication in that sense because it's kind of awkward. You know what I'm saying?

36:29 Adam Right.

36:29 Caller Like I've never had like a girl go, oh, that feels great. That does. And like guide me through this, even with like girlfriends and stuff, you know? Right. So I think there's like a communication problem. Somebody help me.

36:37 Drew But then this is again what we were talking about earlier with women settling for things and not asserting. They settle on that. Men are happy to oblige if women just go, hey, hey, try this.

36:46 Caller Tell them what I'm doing.

36:48 Drew Men are fine.

36:48 Adam Most of the notes would be burn less calories. Reel it in a little.

36:54 Caller Try a salad.

36:55 Guest Well, actually, you know what? I think even this is not even so much an issue for women. If there was just more, it's like when you first go out, you're kissing for hours. You're kissing for so long that you've got razor burn from the guy and your lips are sore the next day and you're like, you know what I'm saying? Then as soon as you get married, there's not that much kissing anymore. You don't even really like full mouth kiss anymore, you know, or at least-

37:16 Caller It's a chore.

37:17 Guest It is, it's like there's a lot of stuff going on in a human's mouth and you just kind of get like, and as much as you don't want someone in yours is you don't want to be in theirs, but you know what I mean?

37:25 Adam I know.

37:26 Guest But if you even just had kissing, you wouldn't even have to do that stuff as much.

37:30 Drew Wait, wait, I said that, here's what all the guys heard.

37:32 Guest Really?

37:32 Drew Yeah, you didn't hear what she said. That we just heard wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. She said, she said, if you kiss, you don't have to do this so much.

37:39 Guest Foreplay. In other words, slow, like, you know, take your time and then that's not even so much as an issue. Don't you think?

37:47 Drew It's hard even to process that.

37:49 Guest Do you don't think so?

37:50 Drew No, you're probably right. It's just how far men and women are apart.

37:53 Guest Yeah.

37:53 Caller It's just so exciting to get ready to it, though. Who has time for that?

37:56 Drew Yeah, but this is the point. This is all the communication, right? They need this other part.

38:01 Caller The emotional. We just need the physical.

38:03 Guest It's not emotional, actually. I mean, it is.

38:05 Caller It is.

38:05 Guest But it's physical. It's actually preparing a woman.

38:08 Caller Well, first off, preparation was never my strong point.

38:12 Drew No, it's like, yeah, it's Thanksgiving.

38:14 Adam Now, you know, my wife and I are at the point where all we do is low five real fast before we hop in a bit. Low five, low five. Okay, that's good. I'm in. I'm in. I'm done.

38:25 All right.

38:27 Adam What's going on? Turn extra on, sweetie. Well done. Yeah. Here's the problem. Here's what women don't know, Dayna. Here's what's in it for us. I'll tell you what's in it. There's not a lot in marriage for guys. Now, Drew piped on. I know your wife's listening. But guys instinctively, sort of what's in it for us, this is what's in it for us.

38:47 Guest Sex.

38:47 Adam We can have sex.

38:48 Guest But guaranteed.

38:48 Adam Minus all the cuddling and the making out and all. This is where guys go to.

38:53 Caller But it's not guaranteed, though.

38:55 Drew That's guaranteed, though. It's the compensation.

38:58 Adam Right. As a guy, as an 18-year-old guy, what's in it for you, marriage-wise? I mean, even if you're gonna get married in 10 years, well, you get to get laid when you want. It's like, it's living in the house. There's an ATM in the house.

39:11 Caller Yeah, and it's free, you don't need a car.

39:14 Adam No lines, don't get in a car.

39:16 Caller It ain't free.

39:17 Guest But 18 is about youth.

39:18 Adam Right, right. Yeah, well, there's no surcharge. Right, yeah. It might be about 50, but the bank manager's embezzling is what you don't know. He's taking hundreds of thousands of dollars.

39:28 Caller Someone else might use the ATM, too.

39:29 Adam Right, that's the point, but it's in the house, and the sex minus all the dating and the hand holding and the kissing and the cuddling and all, we narrow it. See, here's the whole thing. This is what we've always wanted. It took eight dates and a bunch of meals and a few plays and everything to get this. We whittle it down to where we want it to be, which is lo-fi pow. This is the direction we've been heading. Look at it as a giant pyramid that we've been heading toward this. Quick intercourse, the whole, since maybe junior year of high school, this is where we've been heading. We're there now. You guys, you got the kids, you got the ring, you got the SUV, we get the quick thing. Everyone dies, everyone's happy. Right. Let's take a break. There it is.

40:11 Drew That's it, everybody.

40:12 Adam Well, Dayna Devon here tonight, and you know what? We shed some light on each other's hearts. We did. That's what I like about it.

40:19 Drew These two are getting closer. It's like a retreat for them.

40:22 Guest Well, actually, we've already discussed 90% of this, which is frightening. We do it with microphones on, on the set. The entire staff, they're popping in tapes in the back and Mark's talking about, what was it?

40:32 Caller Ewer.

40:33 Adam Yeah.

40:34 Drew Ewer?

40:34 Adam Better, better than our...

40:35 Caller Uteral.

40:35 Adam Our, our taped, our taped mics ones were like, the producers are idiots, I'm going to kill these guys, what am I doing here? That's the part they were listening to.

40:44 Drew Oh, the Loveline...

40:45 Adam Yeah, they would have probably enjoyed if we just had a sexual discourse. All right, we'll take a quick break, we'll be right back after this.

40:52 Caller 1-800-L-L-V-E-1-9-1.

40:55 Adam Loveline will be right back. From Extra, also Dayna Devon, tonight, 7 o'clock on NBC Extra, favorite guilty pleasure on TV. And not because it's bad. What's that? Because it's good. Because it's good. Drew, please.

41:19 Guest You don't like that game.

41:21 Guest This is my message.

41:22 Drew This is her friend. Okay. What else? Is that it? I got the whole thing.

41:28 Guest Yeah. Can we hear it? This is Adam.

41:29 Drew This is Dayna's friend.

41:31 Guest Adam, it's 5.50. I'm going to try and make this short. I'm going to go over a few things again. First, Drew doesn't like the show. It's his guilty pleasure. Adam doesn't like the Y in your name. And also, you might want to mention to them that they should bring back the Dr. Drew joke counter because he doesn't make the jokes. Very funny thing they used to do on the TV show. And then also, the new game, Ace's Ranchero Countdown.

42:00 Caller According.

42:01 Guest You don't like that game.

42:02 Caller How dare you.

42:03 Guest It's putting words in your mouth. And the Florida, Germany, Florida. I'll try and come up with one even. You can shock them by giving them a good Germany or Florida or requesting that they play it. Now, if you want to give me a call back, it's 818.

42:19 Guest Isn't he great?

42:20 Caller He's a fan.

42:21 Guest Oh, my God. You would not believe how many people know about this show and were telling me stuff to say. Oh, it was so funny.

42:27 Drew It's quasi-insulting the way Dayna says that.

42:29 Caller Isn't that?

42:30 Guest Well, honest to God, I'm in bed.

42:32 Adam She just asked me what I did during the day. I wonder if I'm still swinging a hammer.

42:36 Guest What does he do during the day? I could tell by his response that it was a really dumb thing to ask.

42:44 Adam No, we were talking a little construction and Dayna wanted to know if I had my day job still. But no, I don't. I gave it up many years ago.

42:52 Guest What does he do?

42:54 Drew He writes for Jimmy Kimmel Live.

42:56 Guest Why did you tell me that?

42:57 Drew He has a couple of his own shows.

42:58 Adam Well, no, I'm a first off.

43:00 Drew He likes to toot his own horn.

43:02 Caller Because construction sounds so much sexier.

43:03 Guest I was kind of into you when you were talking about floating the floor.

43:06 Adam Yeah.

43:08 Caller Shirt off.

43:08 Guest I was into that. That's right.

43:09 Adam Greased up.

43:10 Caller Coach, coach.

43:15 Adam We need to make...

43:16 Guest Take another break.

43:17 Adam Actually, we want to play.

43:18 Guest But didn't we just take one? I don't want to go yet.

43:21 Adam And by the way, let me just say this. All the years I worked construction, they did have the lunch truck, the roach coach, pull up and they would honk the horn. The song's La Cucaracha.

43:29 Caller La Cucaracha, yeah.

43:29 Adam You want the cockroach? We'll open into the breakfast burrito. Get it? Shouldn't we separate the cockroach from the food just a little bit?

43:37 Caller Let's be honest though, that food is good.

43:39 Adam It is.

43:39 Caller It's dynamite food.

43:41 Adam It is. And it takes over your soul and rings it like a bar rag. You'll do that thing where you'll go, okay, this time, you know what, I'm going to get the old play and the orange. Yeah, no. I'm going to get a crystal light and I'm going to get an orange and that's it. And then you start smelling.

43:56 Caller You smell.

43:56 Guest No, no, no. It's not good. It's not good. Mark, no.

44:00 Caller It's good stuff.

44:01 Guest I can't let you go down this aisle.

44:02 Adam Do you know, by the way, breakfast burrito.

44:05 Guest You cannot be eating off that truck at work, Mark.

44:07 Adam It's good.

44:07 Caller It's the best. The parts are written in your order.

44:09 Guest I felt a fly, half of a fly in there. And I could not, Dr. Drew, psychologically, I was really impaired for a long time. Of course, I didn't lose any weight. I probably gained five pounds. I mean, it's not good. And everything tastes the same. See, that's where this is a woman, man thing. It's all the same grease. So whatever's in it, it all tastes the same. It doesn't matter if it's chicken or refried beans. It tastes the same.

44:29 Drew And I told you, we had one of these in my high school.

44:31 Adam Oh, really?

44:32 Drew Right. You've been, every time I bring that up, you're surprised.

44:34 Adam I know.

44:35 Drew I'm never shocked by that. And I got disgusted with it.

44:38 Adam Really? Yeah. You know, the lunch truck would pull up on the campus, and you would just order like you would on a construction site.

44:44 Guest Wouldn't it be a big line?

44:46 Drew It didn't, yeah, but it was one of those ones that just, the things, flaps go up, and there's nobody cooking. It's just free for all. Yeah, you put it in the microwave kind of thing.

44:52 Caller It's funny, they pull up and they've got like a D rating, and you still just chow down right there. You're like, give me 10 LOs.

44:57 Guest With Mexican restaurants, though, that's an encouragement for you.

45:00 Caller The margaritas are good.

45:02 Guest It's considered a passing grade, yeah.

45:08 Caller This is a bit we did on Lemonade and Brownies.

45:14 Drew Sugar Ray.

45:16 Adam Boy, Anderson. Guy's always up there with his old lady, too, doing the cooking.

45:27 Caller I'll have you know that was a track on our first record, Lemonade and Brownies.

45:30 Adam Wow.

45:31 Caller Yeah, we had 11 songs. That was one of them. We counted that as a song. That was called the drive-by.

45:36 Adam Engineer Anderson digging deep.

45:39 Caller We like that. Yeah.

45:41 Adam All right, Dayna, Mark and Mark here tonight for Maxxer at 7 o'clock. NBC will take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. 1-800-LOVE-191. 1-800-LOVE-191. Come on, Drew, come on, buddy, here we go. Yeah.

46:24 Three, two, one, go.

46:26 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. We're back, phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1, Mark McGrath here tonight, Dayna Devon here tonight from Extra, Extra 7 O'Clock NBC, yes.

46:35 Drew Nice working with hosts.

46:37 Adam It is.

46:37 Drew Because they, whoosh.

46:39 Adam How fast does first hour go by?

46:41 Drew Not only that.

46:42 Guest I was just saying, I walked in and I go, oh my God, that flew.

46:45 Drew Now that the show starts, they know they're supposed to be sitting here in front of the mic ready to go. They're ready for business. Even with a millisecond of spare.

46:51 Caller Remember I used to not come to the mic, gotta be drinking a beer in the kitchen?

46:54 Drew I do remember that.

46:54 Caller The good old days.

46:57 Adam What is the schedule, by the way, over there? I know it varies, you're doing red carpet stuff or Mark's going to England and talking up a play, but normally, day in and day out, what is the schedule?

47:10 Guest Well, I get there about eight and depending on the...

47:13 Caller Dayna, you've never gotten there at eight, ever.

47:15 Guest Yeah.

47:16 Caller You get there super early. Dayna was the hardest working person in show business.

47:19 Drew What time did she get there?

47:20 Guest If there was a normal day.

47:22 Caller Five thirty.

47:22 Guest No, no, no, 445 on an early, yeah.

47:25 Caller Stay in there, she goes.

47:26 Guest No, like, tomorrow's a 445, but that's because there's two days a week that's really early.

47:31 Adam You're taping at 445.

47:33 Guest No, that's for hair and makeup. I mean, it takes a village to get me ready.

47:38 Caller So we'll be taping tomorrow at seven.

47:40 Guest Seven o'clock.

47:41 Drew She's not complaining tonight.

47:42 Caller We're doing two shows.

47:43 Adam Okay, let me get this straight. I always thought that the shows, that these shows tape an hour or so before they went to air.

47:51 Guest Kind of, yeah, yeah, cause we start at like 1130. The show has to be fed out completely done by 130. So we start dabbling in it at like 1130. Really, we get serious about noon. And then as things come in, you tape them. And then it has to be completely done and fed out at 130. And people take it directly off the satellite at 130.

48:08 Caller It's on different times, like back East, sometimes on four New Orleans and stuff like that.

48:12 Adam Okay, so everything has to be done and in the can by one o'clock.

48:15 Caller Right.

48:15 Adam And so the day starts on an average day.

48:19 Guest Average day, 730 probably for me.

48:22 Adam And what time for you, Mark?

48:23 Caller I get there about eight o'clock.

48:24 Adam About eight o'clock. And now you start-

48:26 Caller Isn't that funny?

48:28 Guest Why are you laughing?

48:29 Caller Cause they know me.

48:30 Adam Yeah.

48:31 Guest I know, it's very cute.

48:31 Caller I have a commute now. I have a commute.

48:33 Guest And he's real excited. Like he comes in and he's almost got his like little backpack and lunch. Like he's real cute about it. Like he's always chipper.

48:41 Drew It's probably a relief on some level. You know, it's good to have structure.

48:44 Caller It's good to have a little structure. Or it is, you know, cause I've had a good time in the band and still continue to, but you know, it's to have structure and get back in the day to day and get into reality. It's humbling to say the least. You know, but it's good to get back into that. Cause you can get caught out there, Dr. Drew, as you know, you can get stuck in a moment. You can't get out of his bono, said well.

49:02 Guest He was so funny. Cause one time you and your manager were going to go out and they were, Mark was heading out to meet him out and he called and he was like, I can't, I can't go. I'm too tired. I can't go. So Mark went home and his manager went out to like all hours of the night. And then the next day calls him and he's like, wow, isn't this role reversal?

49:18 Caller Yeah, he was hungover. Yeah. I was at work chipper and he was hungover.

49:21 Adam And hair and makeup at the beginning, are you work, are you working, is there a teleprompter? You guys working on copy that's going into the teleprompter? Someone's giving you a script and you're saying, let's tweak this and do that.

49:32 Guest A lot of times in the morning, we get a stack of papers about two inches thick. And that's all of the entertainment headlines from around the world. Some of them real, some of them fake, you know, fake like the tabloids in the UK, not always. Yeah, so you read through all that. So just when you do radio stuff and somebody asks you about Liza Minnelli's X something, you know, you kind of know what you're talking about. So like a lot of the morning is reading the trades, reading, you know, kind of refreshing. And then as the stuff starts going in at like 11, 10 30, we start reading, we used to have a table read, it was great, we'd go through the whole show and get our shtick together.

50:04 Adam Get our shtick together. And you can do a few takes on something, right?

50:10 Guest Oh yeah, yeah, until it gets really near the satellite.

50:13 Caller Dayna can do one take all the time, I need to do like three or four.

50:16 Adam And well, you guys have a good chemistry, by the way, for a new couple, if I can call you that.

50:25 Guest I really like him. I mean, like, it's so funny because people go, okay, they go, okay, seriously, seriously, tell us. He's so easy, he's so funny, like, when he was starting, like, he'd go, will you help me out with this? And he never would, he was not, he does not have one diva bone in his body. Like, if he thinks he didn't do it well, he's too even, he will not even ask to do it again.

50:45 Drew Yeah, I have to say, I've never heard, nobody's ever got Mark, oh, fuck.

50:49 Guest Never.

50:49 Drew No, but no one ever does, that's not him.

50:51 Guest Yeah.

50:52 Adam No, no, Mark's a really nice guy, and I start to wonder, like, I think a lot of people feel like, well, if you have this much success, or you look this good, or you nail this many chicks, or you sell this many records. Nail. Here's what I think people think. I think people, everyone starts off in the same place, in this sort of niceness meter, and then the more records you sell, and the more groupies you nail, or the bigger your paycheck is, or the nicer car you drive, the worse you get. Untrue, there's some people are nice, and some people are a-holes, and there's a-holes who make minimum wage, and there's nice guys who make $5 million a year.

51:23 Drew A friend of mine, very wisely, said that money and success just makes you more of whatever you are.

51:27 Guest It just emphasizes everything. It puts a microscope up. But you know, when he first started, we did these promos, and they brought in all these extras and these whatever, and literally, I was so shocked, because I knew Mark was a rock star, but I didn't realize people's effect when he would even look, he would look at them, and they'd get that jittery, you know, like he full on had groupies.

51:48 Adam Then they brought the ladies in and look out. Where's Dayna Devon? Yeah, she thought I swung a hammer. What'd you do, drive a Zamboni or what have you? What'd you do, Ken, before you got here? Wow, they really had a cattle call. Well, life exists outside of your home, Dayna. I know, it's frightening.

52:12 Guest It's really refreshing.

52:13 Adam It's frightening and refreshing. They make a great deodorant. Great combination. And it, yes. All right, Drew, stop you from pitting out in those sweatshirts. All right, so everything's working out, right? Frightening, refreshing, fun, all right. And the day is basically done at one o'clock? Well, now it's time for a meeting.

52:41 Guest It could be a fitting. And fittings can take fricking hours. And you sit there and like, you get caught up in pants.

52:48 Adam But here's how my fittings work. Are these pants? Yeah, those are good. Don't you want to try them on? Are they, what are they, 34, 34? Yeah, they're good. Just bring a belt and prepare to let them out if we have to, but yeah. So yeah, then you have to go down to the red carpet or something. You're going out on assignment.

53:03 Guest Yeah, or there's a junket, or there's a screening, or there's a something. There's usually something going on in the afternoon.

53:07 Caller Yeah, they told me that the job was like nine to two. And I was like, I'm great. And you know, I'll show up every day and I'll really get a home run. Now, it's a little different than that.

53:14 Adam Yeah. Yeah, cause then you're going up to talk to Jada Pinkett. And she's giving you the stink eye on the red carpet. The Cineplex.

53:21 Caller Entertainment news happens all the time.

53:23 Adam That's right. And you're there when it happens.

53:25 Caller We're there when it happens.

53:26 Adam And you know, they don't give these guys very much credit, but it's got to be a tough gig, that red carpet job, by the way. First off, Drew, can you imagine you being the spotter for someone at the red carpet? I did. Imagine you being the spotter. Imagine if it was like a sitcom and the guy did the spotting actually fell off and you actually had to take his place and you're in the guy's IFB and you're like, oh man, it's that, the chick from the, oh man.

53:50 Guest We do that, we do that.

53:51 Adam There must be nothing, that's all, it would be one succession of, I would know like, okay, that's Ray Romano. That other man would be like, that's the dude that, Adam, that's your sister, that's right, I knew it. I knew her, her name is Laura, Lauren. Yes, she's got that kid, he's either 4 or 19. Phineas, Phineas.

54:09 Drew Phineas, Phineas. Phineas Fogg, not Phineas Fogg we found out, it's Phineas Fogg.

54:12 Adam Phineas, Phineas. I would be one big, oh, I know, and so you gotta have a spotter, right?

54:18 Drew Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

54:19 Adam And who's spotting?

54:20 Guest Well, usually you have a producer with you. It's funny, because even if you get really versed in TV, then you'll go and you'll do a movie one, like I remember I was doing a lot of movie junkets for a long time and I would be totally into the movies and then I would start doing some TV stuff and I'd be like, oh, you know what I mean? And you felt like you were complete, and that's hard, and then you add in music and you're like really screwed, and then you add in country music and then you're really screwed.

54:42 Caller I mean, there's shows that are huge on TV that you don't know a single cast member in.

54:46 Adam That's right. That's all, like all the CSIs, I've never seen any of the CSIs. Without a Traces and all those, yeah. They're huge, you know, get them all confused. I'll tell you, Spodder, I want a gay guy. Oh yeah. Like I'm making a friend in prison, I want a black guy, but Spodder, I go gay guy. You know what I mean? There's certain people for certain jobs, you want a gay guy.

55:05 Drew Certain types.

55:05 Adam You want him up in the tower with the binoculars.

55:07 Caller Indeed.

55:08 Adam He's gonna tell you who they are and how much weight they put on.

55:10 Guest Exactly.

55:11 Caller And if they're wearing is cool.

55:12 Adam Yeah, what they're wearing. That's right.

55:14 Guest They can give you six degrees of separation. They can tell you they worked with directors so and so and they have that in common. I mean, they can tell you everything.

55:20 Adam That's what I want. Gay spotter. Yeah. All right. You ready to rock here? You know what would be a good job, by the way? Tell me. I was, I don't know if we talked about this, Drew. The guy who does the spotting at the cheerleading competition.

55:33 Drew Yes, this guy's a stand behind.

55:34 Adam That's my gig. That's the gig I want. Here's your job. You, yeah, see these 14 year olds? Yeah, they're making a pyramid. I need you to get underneath them and look up. And by the way, if you look down, you're fired. I need you to stand behind them and just stare up.

55:50 Caller I think the gay spotter's got those jobs, too.

55:52 Adam Oh, maybe that's it. Maybe you have to be gay. Maybe they put like a tumescence monitor on you. And you just put the cigar ban around your dork and they show you slideshow for 13 year olds. And if nothing happens, all right, you're in. Get in there.

56:05 Guest You know, usually with most of those yell leaders, it's not an issue. Trust me, it's not an issue.

56:11 Drew No, I'm talking about the spotter guy. The big guys stand behind.

56:14 Adam At the competition.

56:15 Drew At the competition. The safety guy.

56:17 Guest The person that actually has their hand up there.

56:19 Adam No, no, no, what is that?

56:20 Guest He's the yell leader.

56:21 Adam And by the way, what about the parents that are in the stands? Like, that's my little 15 year old. Look at her, she's a sophomore. She made it to the head cheerleading. Yeah, yeah, Miss Johnson, this guy's got his palm up her.

56:35 Caller Yeah, this fisting part of the exercise.

56:38 Adam It's all right, it's all right. Hey, Bob, make her do the We Got the Spirit, Yes We Do one. It's just her mouth. Yeah, I mean, it's like, look at her. We're so proud. He's got his hand up her.

56:57 Guest She's 15.

57:00 Adam What is that? By the way, oh, it's just his palm. Worse, I'd rather get an index finger in her.

57:06 Caller Seriously, a palm?

57:09 Adam Who decided that was cool, though, by the way? All right, I got a new cheer. What is it, 1953? Here's a cheer. Ladies, hop up on the guy's palm. Not your knee. Get the vagina on the palm. Great, guys, one hand up there. Let's go now. No, no spotters. Yeah, legs, no, legs are kimbo. What? Who signed off on that? Is that OK?

57:31 Guest Get the vagina on the palm.

57:33 Adam How come nobody's saying anything? By the way, if there was a hot cheerleader, I would be walking around with my hand in a plastic bag. Just like, hey, guys, you want some? Go across the buck.

57:44 Caller Now, Dana was a cheerleader, I'll have you know.

57:46 Adam Just rubber band around a plastic bag all day in school. Who wants some?

57:50 Guest You are hilarious.

57:52 Adam That's really a cheerleader.

57:53 Guest Did you get that? I think you can let the construction job go and really do this.

57:58 Adam I'm going to let the daytime gig go. To hammer down.

58:00 Guest You know what I'm saying?

58:01 Drew You could write or produce your own palm.

58:04 Guest You could do something with this.

58:05 Adam Thanks, baby.

58:06 Guest No, we didn't have guys. We held each other, and that's really sad, because I was really skinny when I was a freshman. So I was at the top of the pyramid, and then I gained some weight when I hit puberty. And then I was at the fricking bottom of the pyramid, and that sucks.

58:21 Caller The foundation.

58:23 Adam That's the equivalent, like the chick fat equivalent, sorry, is the bottom of the pyramid, and the guy fat is the anchor on the tug of war.

58:31 Caller Yeah.

58:31 Adam Bert, no, we need to, no, no, no.

58:33 Caller With the loop around him, he always gets pulled in the mud. That guy's.

58:35 Adam No, the most important job, okay, we're gonna need you, it's sort of the equivalent to little league when we're gonna need you behind the plate. Right, right, right. Fat kid. There's a couple of fat guy jobs. End of the rope, the guy whose rope ties around.

58:49 Caller Catcher, yeah, catcher for sure.

58:50 Adam Catcher, catcher fat kid job, and when the rope ties around your waist and you're at the anchor.

58:55 Caller Goalie in soccer.

58:56 Adam Bottom of the pyramid, yeah.

58:57 Caller Bottom of the pyramid, exactly. And wrestling.

59:00 Adam James?

59:01 Drew Cannibals.

59:02 Adam Your, I don't know if that's official gig though.

59:05 Drew Yeah, but that's.

59:05 Adam Where's the tug of, where the anchor.

59:07 Drew That's where they distinguish themselves anyway.

59:09 Adam James?

59:10 Caller Yes.

59:11 Adam What's happening?

59:12 Caller Oh, big fan of the show. Adam, you're hilarious.

59:15 Adam Great.

59:15 Caller You can make a joke at my expense when I hang up.

59:19 Adam Well, I would if we had a clear connection, but go ahead.

59:24 Caller I've had some pain pretty much as far as I can remember to remember in my colon or my rectum, I don't know what it is. It's almost like a cramp or a contraction. It doesn't happen that often, maybe about once every two or three weeks. Sometimes it's like debilitating, like I have to lay down or sit down because it lasts a few minutes.

59:43 Drew Is there anything that you do that precipitates that? Is it after any activity or?

59:48 Caller Not that I've noticed, but in the last two months I took a more physical job and I've noticed it.

59:54 Adam It says here that you have a job as a fisherman.

59:58 Caller Yeah, I work on a crab boat in the Bering Sea.

1:00:00 Adam Wow.

1:00:01 Drew In the Bering Sea?

1:00:02 Caller Yeah, I just got back.

1:00:04 Adam How long do you guys go out for?

1:00:07 Caller Well, the crab season this year, the king crab was only three and a half days, but then we do other different types of crab for, you know, up to three weeks around at the sea at a time.

1:00:16 Adam King crab, pulling up king crab, that is exciting.

1:00:19 Guest I love them. Don't you love king crab?

1:00:24 Adam Yeah, I don't think you'd love them if, you know, there was, you know, Gale Force winds, and your beard was frosted into it.

1:00:30 Guest Are you kidding? I was like about to die in my house.

1:00:32 Caller Perfect storm type stuff.

1:00:33 Adam Yeah, right. But how big are the king crab? Because there's nothing like a big crab. There's just nothing cooler. Like, once you go to that restaurant, there's a guy holding it up.

1:00:45 Caller In their living still?

1:00:46 Adam Yeah, how big is it?

1:00:48 Caller Before we process it, they can get up to about two feet.

1:00:52 Drew Oh my gosh. And this guy pulls into Fisherman's War for this stuff.

1:00:54 Caller That's in San Francisco.

1:00:55 Adam Oh, that's manhole cover size.

1:00:58 Guest Could he have a hernia?

1:00:59 Caller We pull into Dutch Harbor, Alaska.

1:01:01 Guest Do you want me to just shut up, Drew?

1:01:02 Drew No, no.

1:01:03 Guest Do you want to go, like, look?

1:01:04 Drew I'm glad you're bringing it back on track. He's describing something called Proctalgia Fugax, which is caused by a lot of different things. And James, how come you're calling a radio show and not going to see a doctor about this? It could be anything.

1:01:17 Caller It hasn't been that frequent.

1:01:21 Drew I understand, but it is a sign of many, many different things. Anything from a hemorrhoid to a pararyctal abscess to even tumors and prostate problems.

1:01:33 Guest I have.

1:01:34 Drew That's good.

1:01:35 Caller What happened?

1:01:36 Guest They hurt. I had to have a colonoscopy.

1:01:39 Drew I've had a colonoscopy. It's fine.

1:01:41 Guest Yeah, no. Yeah, it's not. And I've had two, because I had pre-polyps.

1:01:45 Adam Pre-polyps or what, Drew?

1:01:47 Drew They're hyperplastic polyps.

1:01:49 Guest They're pre-cancerous, right?

1:01:50 Drew Well, they're pre-pre-cancerous. Yeah, but it's still good to get them out, because they would have potentially become something some day.

1:01:54 Guest I didn't want mushrooms growing in there.

1:01:56 Drew Not just mushrooms. You have colon cancer. You die. I mean, it's really important to get these things done every five years. Have you done it? No, I haven't done it.

1:02:05 Caller I've never done one. What age?

1:02:06 Guest I got a video.

1:02:07 Caller 40?

1:02:08 Guest I did.

1:02:11 Caller I know where it's going.

1:02:12 Drew It depends what's going on in your family. If you have a lot of family history of colon cancer, you can start at 40. But 50 is where you're supposed to start. 50 every five years after 50. But Adam had a particularly adventuresome perianal experience.

1:02:25 Guest Could you tell us, Adam, about that?

1:02:27 Adam I didn't know the dude's name was Perry. I had what I call a carbuncle near the rectal area.

1:02:36 Guest What's a carbuncle?

1:02:38 Drew Abscess.

1:02:40 Adam It hurt. It's not any.

1:02:42 Guest What was it? What's the pineal? Pineal.

1:02:45 Drew Pogtowels or Fugax? Phineas Fugax.

1:02:48 Guest Pineal, pineal.

1:02:50 Drew Pineal cyst? Yeah. Pilonidal cyst.

1:02:52 Guest Was that it?

1:02:53 Drew No, that's up above. That's up here. This is the actual right near the target.

1:02:59 Caller The fun center?

1:02:59 Drew Bullseye.

1:03:01 Adam If it was a building, it'd be the chimney. You're like out in the tomato garden. I'm in the chimney.

1:03:10 Caller You understand?

1:03:10 Drew Right.

1:03:11 Adam Smart Bob.

1:03:12 Guest So you got that. You got that.

1:03:14 Adam Well, listen, I don't have these high pollutant diapers.

1:03:18 Guest How did you rectify that?

1:03:19 Caller Get it?

1:03:20 Adam Yeah, I'll tell you. First thing is, it's hard to get a good look at that area.

1:03:25 Caller Yeah, no kidding.

1:03:26 Guest Hand mirrors don't.

1:03:27 Adam Well, no. It's a start. You do what you can. First off, it's a tough area to get friends to investigate. It's not like when you get ingrown hair in the back. The barber. I just got that shave from the bar. What do I got cooking back there? That you can do. The anus, the chimney, it's a difficult place for people to give a... They don't want to go down there and kick the tires. And by the way, what really? One of my idiot friends from North Hollywood would come up with if they saw something down there.

1:03:56 Caller Oh, god.

1:03:56 Adam So I had a friend who convinced me it was a hemorrhoid and it wasn't. And then went out and dropped eight bucks on the Prep H and rubbed that on there for a week and nothing happened. And here's the problem with anything to do with the anus, no sympathy from society at all. I'm saying to people, look, I got a situation. I can barely walk here and barely get out of bed. What's the problem here, OK? My asshole. Yeah, I'm dying. I know, it's great. Doc says I got about four weeks. Listen, I'm giving away the truck. You want it? It's a stick. My dad doesn't drive a stick. I said goodbye to little Pheniel and, uh.

1:04:44 Caller Yeah, right.

1:04:45 Adam Little Pheniel. Yeah.

1:04:46 Caller It's not the heart.

1:04:47 Adam People laughing. Laughing literally their ass off at your ass problem. But I couldn't go into work. I, you know, this was some years ago.

1:04:56 Guest When you called in, what did you say?

1:04:58 Adam When I called into work? I told them ass problems. And here's why. The same reason why women should play the tampon card. Yeah, because there's no follow up to the ass. Or the period thing. Linear. Yeah, no, it's just, yeah. And so I thought, anyway, eventually the thing blew. Now here's how I got to look at it.

1:05:22 Caller What do you mean?

1:05:23 Drew Well, he did surgery on it.

1:05:25 Caller He popped it like it's it?

1:05:29 Adam I actually got a pin into, I lanced one of them.

1:05:34 Caller Personal lancing?

1:05:35 Adam I did a personal lancing.

1:05:36 Caller Sir Lancelot?

1:05:37 Adam I lanced one that was...

1:05:39 Guest There were more than one?

1:05:41 Adam No, no, here's the thing. I had one at 19 and one at 29.

1:05:45 Caller Same spot?

1:05:47 Adam You know, it's hard to tell. First off, there's a lot...

1:05:50 Guest Are you cleaning that area sufficiently?

1:05:53 Adam Here's...

1:05:53 Guest It doesn't sound like it.

1:05:56 Drew With all that hair down there.

1:05:58 Adam I know. Let me say this. First off, it's hard to tell if it's the same spot because A, it's been 10 years and B, the mirror flips things around. Everyone, try to hold the mirror behind your head and you're trying to pat something down and your hand's going the wrong direction. Hit yourself in the face. What's going on? All right, so it's hard to tell. And the map had been lost many years before. But I assume it was the same area, the same side. And the point is I was looking at the mirror and the way I was able to get to it is I had a full length closet door sliding mirror and I was able to sort of prop my legs up on the thing. And I had to bounce a flashlight off of the mirror. It's the same way they say that the Egyptians got light to the center of the pyramid. A series of mirrors that reflected the light.

1:06:46 Drew The image is so spectacular.

1:06:53 Adam It blew, well first off you'd assume I was just trying to blow myself. I can think of no other explanation. I don't know what he was doing with the flashlight. We pray to Christ he was just trying to blow himself. Either way we got to get the security deposit back and we got to get out of here. I was living with Ralph Garman by the way. He's doing the morning show on K-Rock here by the way.

1:07:17 Drew And a movie star now.

1:07:18 Adam And a movie star. So he could have walked in. But as I was shining light on maybe just a little heat created from the flashlight. Softened it up.

1:07:28 Caller Pow!

1:07:29 Adam The thing blew.

1:07:29 Caller Release.

1:07:31 Caller Just release.

1:07:32 Guest I wouldn't want to be that washcloth.

1:07:33 Drew Washcloth. The mirror.

1:07:36 Adam No. How dare you, Drew. Point is I got up. I was in humongous pain for a week. The pain was immediately gone. Drew, how does that work by the way? It's under pressure. And then I did the scene from Tommy where he could see. Yeah. I'm running down the street in flares with no shirt on. Cut to me on top of a mountain. Cut to me on top of a Ferris wheel. Cut to me running on a boardwalk. I'm just all, I'm every place, everywhere. On the top of the Eiffel Tower. On the top of that thing in Rio de Janeiro with the big priest on the hill. I'm everywhere all the time, it's like a Phil Collins video. Jimmy and I celebrated by going out and eating Mexican. I'll never forget. This is ten years ago, by the way, still working at K-Rack. I got on the phone with them saying we're going to El Torito. I'm buying, we are celebrating. That is hilarious. That was my anal adventure.

1:08:35 Guest And not a moment too soon we wrapped that up.

1:08:37 Adam Anal adventures, I know. You got the anal ball rolling. Yeah, I did.

1:08:42 Drew When we get back, we've got your buddy Adam, whose message we sent you a few minutes ago.

1:08:48 Adam Interesting.

1:08:49 Caller We have him?

1:08:50 Adam We got to play some Germany or Florida, by the way.

1:08:53 Guest He told me that he was going to help me out with the Germany and Florida thing, so maybe he might want to play.

1:08:58 Adam And also James, who is like a...

1:09:00 Drew You're going to need to see a doctor, by the way.

1:09:02 Adam Gordon Smith, we talked to him like ten minutes ago.

1:09:04 Drew It could be, sometimes, urological problems, like prostate infections, prostatitis does this, sometimes it's perianal record. You've got to get this checked out, James.

1:09:13 Guest This poor guy is still on the phone? After all this? Oh, God love him.

1:09:18 Adam James, all right, buddy, you're doing the Lord's work by stripping the ocean that way. All right, buddy, you go to the doctor. All right, that's enough. We've got to take a break. Drew brought up the anus story. What are you going to do? We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:09:38 Guest Ace's Ranchero countdown, no good. You don't like that game.

1:10:11 Adam It's raining. Hey everybody, it's the Love Line of Adam and... That's Dr. Drew. That is Dayna Devon over there. I'm Adam Carolla. Mark McGrath just entered the studio. Extra Extras, seven o'clock on NBC.

1:10:25 Guest That's gonna throw you, isn't it?

1:10:28 Adam Yeah. In LA.

1:10:29 Drew Check your local listings.

1:10:30 Guest Exactly.

1:10:31 Adam Sorry, that's right. And to me, it feels maybe just from living in LA that if one of those shows came on before seven, it would feel weird. Like that's all those, it's all seven and 730, right? LA's just, shows that started at seven, shows that started at 730, it's sort of always been that way, right?

1:10:49 Guest That's right. I have more people sometimes recognize me by my voice than by my face because I think they're cooking dinner or they turn it on and they're doing stuff and they listen to it, they don't really watch it.

1:10:58 Adam It's interesting.

1:10:59 Guest Yeah.

1:10:59 Adam Yeah, I never thought about it.

1:11:00 Guest But don't people recognize you guys by your voice?

1:11:03 Adam Yeah, but this is the radio.

1:11:07 Drew Good point, that's a good point.

1:11:09 Guest I'll give you that one.

1:11:10 Adam No, I know. That's strange. I mean, it's like asking a blind guy, do you sometimes you hear noises and you think, yeah, yeah, I got no eyes.

1:11:18 Caller Yeah, eyes none.

1:11:19 Adam Corro pecked them out when I was hunting coyote. Remember that? Yeah, sorry I had to bring that up again.

1:11:25 Caller Oh my God, that's funny.

1:11:26 Adam No, you know, I know what you're saying. We actually, Drew, we should get more of that.

1:11:30 Drew You would think so, would you?

1:11:32 Adam How come we don't get more of that?

1:11:33 Drew I don't know.

1:11:35 Adam I'll tell you why. I don't know what your excuse is. The show was on TV, on MTV for long enough, I think that people can put a face behind the voice. And also-

1:11:44 Guest Well, that's what I meant, by the way. Mr. Crow pecked out my eyes.

1:11:49 Drew You would think you'd get something like it, the fast food once in a while or something.

1:11:53 Adam Yeah, I think we've both been on TV enough to probably, I don't know, it doesn't happen nearly as much as you would think it would. Yes, Drew? Let's speak to Adam.

1:12:06 Drew There's nothing unique about your voice either. Except for that nasally groan, I guess.

1:12:11 Adam Let's talk to Adam. Adam is 20. Adam is, Dayna says, well, she didn't say, but I did the math, a lackey over at Extra. Hey, buddy, we need your racist pile of tapes.

1:12:25 Guest Hi, Adam. I got moved to the, hey, Dayna, hey, Mark, hey, guys. I got moved to the sister show, Celebrity Justice, but still in the same building.

1:12:35 Adam All right.

1:12:35 Drew Across the street, isn't it?

1:12:37 Guest Adam, you've called in here a bunch of times, and this is the first time getting on the air.

1:12:41 Guest Yeah, well, I used to call when I was young and make up stories, and they used to always bust me, so.

1:12:46 Caller Now, they're good at that.

1:12:49 Guest I'll admit it.

1:12:50 Adam Adam, we heard your not-so-flattering message on Dayna's cell phone, explaining that you weren't a fan of Ace's Mexican Ranchero Accordion Countdown.

1:13:00 Guest Ace's Ranchero Countdown, no good. You don't like that game.

1:13:04 Adam You don't like that game.

1:13:07 Guest Here's the deal, Adam.

1:13:09 Adam Hold on, before we keep going, is there anything else Dayna hasn't seen or heard of that she doesn't like that you could pull her in on? As a 20-year-old goomper. By the way, I got busted down to the Celebrity Justice Show, which is just one step from a full-blown S-canning.

1:13:28 Guest Yeah, do your local listings, all right?

1:13:31 Drew Adam, how do we do the Joke Tote? Is that what we used to call that?

1:13:35 Adam Yeah.

1:13:35 Drew How do we do that without a visual?

1:13:37 Adam Yeah, you're thinking of the TV show with the Drew's Joke Tote board, right?

1:13:41 Guest Yeah, keep track, let us know. Let us just say, of course, you don't have a visual, it's radio, but just let us know, keep track, it's funny.

1:13:53 Adam No, Drew, you would be zero for jokes, but you stepped on so many of mine, I'm gonna actually deduct a few from yours, all right? You're gonna go to break right in the middle of my beautiful rants? All right, so Adam.

1:14:06 Guest No, hey Adam, I gotta say this though, the show's only two hours long, you don't need to kill time with that Ace's Ranchero countdown.

1:14:15 Adam Well, it's ironic that you bring that up.

1:14:19 Caller Unless you have a Germany or Florida for us.

1:14:21 Adam Do you have a Germany or Florida, Adam?

1:14:23 Guest I actually do, yeah, I got it.

1:14:26 Adam Yeah.

1:14:28 Guest See, I told you Adam was good.

1:14:30 Adam All right, so we're gonna play a little Germany or Florida then, hold on Adam. What about that theme song that one day Sugar Reckon sampled?

1:14:37 Guest You scribbled my name on your paper, hold that up.

1:14:39 Caller Hold it up, hold it up.

1:14:42 Guest You scribbled my name, you scribbled my name with a Y, with a Y.

1:14:48 Drew You put it on your shoes.

1:14:50 Guest Hi, everyone.

1:14:52 Adam Hey, Adam.

1:14:53 Guest Yeah, yeah.

1:14:53 Adam All right, go ahead. Give us your Germany or Florida. So, I know by the way how the game is played is we hear the crazy story and then we guess, is it Germany or Florida? Because all bizarre stories either emanate from either Germany or Florida.

1:15:07 Guest Go ahead, Adam. Things are sick and twisted from two men, son and Nazis, sex, meth and death fetishes, both of them have got these. Guaranteed not to Boria, Germany or Florida.

1:15:17 Adam Yeah, well, I guess that guarantees out the window.

1:15:23 Guest A man 55 years old was arrested for fraud and theft, for a sham marriage to a comatose woman and for subsequent purchases of almost $20,000 on her credit cards. According to the police detective, this man said the woman's dog told him that the woman would want him to use her credit cards and live a better life after she died. Germany or Florida?

1:15:47 Drew That's a good one.

1:15:47 Adam So the guy wed a woman who was in a coma.

1:15:51 Guest Yep.

1:15:51 Adam Is that it?

1:15:52 Drew And her dog? Is that what you said?

1:15:56 Guest The woman's dog told him that she would want him to use her credit cards to live a better life after she died.

1:16:03 Guest That's so Florida.

1:16:07 Caller Old lady in a coma is Florida.

1:16:08 Guest You know what? In Germany, they go mushroom hunting and get poison to death. That's the kind of Germany stories you get.

1:16:13 Drew They knock off their old people, too.

1:16:15 Adam Yeah, that's a good point. All right, Adam. Anyone want to go Germany just to make it interesting?

1:16:20 Caller I'm real Florida.

1:16:22 Adam Everyone's going Florida, Adam. Go ahead.

1:16:24 Guest Everyone's going Florida. Oh, I'm blown away. Everyone's right.

1:16:30 Adam And that's how you play Germany or Florida. How beautiful. Yes, now, now, because we're going to complete the trilogy. Yeah. Well, it's not really the trilogy. It's just pretty much the tag team with the Aces, Mexican, Ranchero, recording, Countdown.

1:16:47 Guest They're going to rub it in. You're going to have to play.

1:16:49 Adam Yeah, you're going to have to play along. You have to play along. I'd rather.

1:16:52 Guest Apparently, you don't understand what they're explaining to me off the air, Adam, is that you don't understand the true charm of Aces, Mexican, Riviera.

1:17:00 Caller Riviera recording.

1:17:02 Guest Yes, because you are not actually playing.

1:17:05 Adam Will you load that into the teleprompter so we can get it right?

1:17:10 Guest The involvement is actually part of the charm, Adam.

1:17:13 Adam Yes, that's right.

1:17:14 Guest All right. I played from home when you guys did the last one.

1:17:17 Guest And I told you he was a fan. He played from home.

1:17:19 Adam How did you do?

1:17:20 Guest How cute is that?

1:17:21 Guest I guess I didn't really play. I just kept my fingers crossed for Dayna or Mark. And look how cute little Adam is.

1:17:28 Adam Wow, except for the ace man won that one, didn't he?

1:17:31 Drew Here we go, Adam. Make a bet.

1:17:33 Adam Let's see. You know how the game is played. How long until the recording music chimes in? Chris, you're ready. We'll start with Adam at home first. Go ahead, Adam.

1:17:43 Guest All right, I'm out to go. I think this might be a long one. I'm going to go nine seconds.

1:17:48 Adam Nine seconds.

1:17:49 Drew By the way, for some of the hates this whole procedure, he was like, he sure plays it a lot. So I was like, let me give this some thought.

1:17:55 Adam Yeah, here's how I'm going to differentiate between the two Adams. I'm going to put a little frowny face by Adam. Okay, you see the frowny face there, Drew? All right, nine seconds. I'm going three seconds.

1:18:11 Guest I'm going beginning. Oh, immediate. I'm taking your old.

1:18:14 Adam Immediate, all right.

1:18:15 Guest That worked for you.

1:18:17 Caller I'll say five seconds.

1:18:19 Adam Five seconds. Five seconds, Mark has five. All right, Drew has two. Now, you're right in amongst between me and Dayna with the immediate and the two. There could be some controversy, Drew. One, okay, one. You go one second. This is right, one. Interesting.

1:18:34 Guest Closest without being over, though.

1:18:35 Adam Mark, no, no, no being over. Just closest. Mark is five seconds, Drew is one, Dayna's immediate. I'm three and Adam with the frowny face is nine seconds. Yes?

1:18:47 Drew Yes. All right.

1:18:48 Caller Chris, you ready though?

1:18:50 Drew Five, four, three, two, one. Go.

1:19:11 Adam And by the way, he was pinched in between the two Adams at nine seconds and three seconds.

1:19:16 Guest I thought Adam was gonna pull it out on his first Mexican Riviera taco enchilada.

1:19:24 Caller The horns will throw you too. The horns give a little faux accordion sound.

1:19:27 Guest Yeah, I got confused.

1:19:28 Adam Yeah, it's tough.

1:19:29 Caller Break game.

1:19:30 Drew See, I don't like this. This is the stuff I don't like.

1:19:32 Adam You don't like this stuff here?

1:19:33 Drew This music.

1:19:34 Guest Hey everyone, I got a confession to make though, real quick.

1:19:36 Adam Yeah, yes.

1:19:37 Guest I actually hate the show, but I just. I like it so I could get Dayna's number when I go back to Clarkson, Michigan, get drunk.

1:19:52 Adam All right, I got rid of him, he's crossed the line.

1:19:57 Caller Who's getting publishing on that?

1:19:59 Guest Grant Carroll Countdown, no good, you don't like that game?

1:20:04 Adam By the way, God bless Dayna Devon, by the way, is this giving this guy a cell phone number, like Drew.

1:20:11 Drew The stalker.

1:20:11 Adam Yeah, listen, engineer Chris doesn't know my last name. If he's out in the parking lot, when I pull out a lot, no, I'll turn left. I don't want him to know which direction I head home.

1:20:26 Guest His enthusiasm was contagious. I'm serious. I mean, like, yeah, yeah, I just had herpes.

1:20:31 Adam Yeah, yeah, fantastic. Yeah. All right. He's a bright kid. Too bad he had to go to celebrity justice. Let's hope he's not featured in one of the stocking cases. That's all I'm saying one day. Ironically, he used to work here. Yeah. All right, let's take a little break, Drew, shall we do it? Fair enough. Mark McGrath here tonight. Dayna Devon here from X-Drag. It's 7 o'clock. Everyone at NBC will take a quick break. Be right back after this. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Em. That's Dr. Drew. Fund number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Dayna here tonight, Mark here tonight, our new friends from... Actually, Dayna's a new friend, Mark's an old friend. Seven o'clock, at least out here, check your local listings on NBC. All right, let's hop back to the phone, so we'll speak to Jessica, who's just 13. Jessica? Jessica, by the way, on hold for 107 minutes. Yep. Drew's so busy telling fanny stories. He had no time for young Jessica. What's up, Jessica?

1:22:01 Caller Oh, cause when I was around six, I was molested by my neighbor.

1:22:06 Adam You were molested by your neighbor? Yeah.

1:22:08 Drew Molested, meaning he had sex with you? What did she do?

1:22:13 Caller She was like touching me.

1:22:16 Adam All right, was she your age or older?

1:22:18 Caller No, actually she was around 12.

1:22:21 Drew At the time?

1:22:22 Adam At the time. And you were?

1:22:26 Drew And what's the question?

1:22:28 Caller Well, I was just wanting to know that, do you think this would affect my relationship with guys, like when I'm older?

1:22:35 Drew Not necessarily. It's funny, these things, there's different thresholds for these sorts of experiences being traumatizing or becoming traumatizing. Some people are very troubled by these things. Others really barely make note of it.

1:22:47 Adam Crappy dad will probably do more in the negative department than the chick who lived next door.

1:22:53 Drew And that's very much to the point, which is that the fact that you were a good victim for somebody who's a victimizer says almost more about you than the fact that you were victimized.

1:23:02 Adam But most six-year-olds, with a 12-year-old, are gonna sort of feel ashamed and be quiet.

1:23:08 Drew Correct, but still the victimizers can just know who the at-risk kids are. Jessica. Was there already stuff going on in your house at that point?

1:23:17 Adam Wait, how's your dad? Let me talk to her, Drew. Yes. Your dad's all right. And is he living with the family?

1:23:26 Caller Yeah.

1:23:27 Adam And is he an alcoholic?

1:23:30 Caller No.

1:23:31 Adam And what does he do? Is he do anything with a forklift?

1:23:35 Caller He's a carpenter.

1:23:37 Caller Oh, that's bad.

1:23:39 Adam That's bad.

1:23:39 Caller All right, all right, racist, alcoholic.

1:23:45 Adam Don't get me wrong, I love these guys.

1:23:46 Caller Worked with them all. You were one of them.

1:23:49 Adam And so he's a carpenter and him and your mother get along okay and he's never been verbally abusive or any loves you very much.

1:23:58 Caller He's not verbally abusive or anything. He's cool.

1:24:00 Adam All right, so he's good. You love him, he loves you. Really? It's not a ringing endorsement for dad. Do you love your dad?

1:24:10 Caller Well, we don't get along like a lot, but like, you know.

1:24:12 Drew What kind of, what kind of problems you have with him?

1:24:16 Caller Like, we don't understand each other yet.

1:24:21 Drew Well, whatever that means.

1:24:23 Adam All right, well, that's a teenage girl thing. But I mean, he was, he's, does he provide, is he good?

1:24:31 Caller But the thing that worried me is that when I told my mom, cause I told my mom, right?

1:24:35 Adam Yeah.

1:24:41 Drew Well, it's important because it's important to you, but it's not necessarily shattering.

1:24:46 Adam Here's the thing, Jessica, you don't want to go through life looking for reasons why you can't have a relationship, you can't have a career, you can't have an education.

1:24:55 Drew Especially to focus on a single thing when it just doesn't say that the single thing is enough. If you're having those kinds of troubles, there's a more global or we call them a chronic problem going on with your development.

1:25:05 Adam I wonder if there's some sort of street cred like a young black kid will get where he has been shot and he grew up in the south side and all those guys, especially later on, you need your street cred as a white guy is getting molested. I think it's like, oh really? You think you're tough? I have both grandpas, same time. It was like a parachute of scrotum landing on me. Two guys, average age 78, both going at me. Scrotum parachute, next year to realm.

1:25:38 Guest Adam, I thought you brought up a good point though that although it's sad and completely unfortunate that this happened, you gotta kind of put it past you and not let this be an excuse for something that you fall back on and make excuses for and that you were a victim. You know what, it sucks it happened, but you gotta go on, you gotta pick yourself up by your bootstraps.

1:25:55 Drew There's some victimization that changes your brain. Your brain will just not function normally ever again, or at least not until some treatment goes into effect. But this does not sound like that kind of a shattering trauma. So it is the kind of thing that she should be able to sort of volitionally have some influence over and get over, like you guys were saying.

1:26:12 Adam Right, and it seems like society, or at least the people we speak to, can be broken up into two halves. One is the ones who need help and are ignoring it. They were ritualistically abused, and they're saying, well, that was three years ago, and it's not affecting me now, although I'm cutting on myself with a syringe, by the way, that I'm about to inject myself with. But that doesn't matter to me. And then they're the ones who are making something out of something that doesn't, you know. 13, yeah, it's sort of, you have to do one or the other, it almost feels like. You need to focus, her home life does, sounds a little less than great, but focus on your school, focus on your friends. When home life isn't good, have buddies, have friends. Go do something, and then go off to college somewhere, and then get on the radio and start paying them back. That's right.

1:26:58 Drew Stable relationships outside the home, particularly with adults, very helpful.

1:27:01 Adam All right, let's, let's spin on hold the longest, Drew. Right here, talk to Erin. Erin, 24? What's up? What's going on?

1:27:14 Drew Hello.

1:27:16 Adam Hello, what's your question?

1:27:19 Caller I have a question. When I have sex and I don't come, it's fun, I like it, but when I do come and I actually, it kind of itches myself.

1:27:32 Drew What is this accent?

1:27:33 Caller My, when I come, it itches me.

1:27:37 Adam I see, okay. They ever, they ever.

1:27:40 Drew Not somebody else. It itches her.

1:27:42 Caller Right.

1:27:43 Drew It itches her.

1:27:43 Guest Right, it itches you where?

1:27:47 Caller If he comes, his ejaculation does not itch me. If I come myself.

1:27:52 Adam Hold on, get the steno pad.

1:27:53 Guest It itches you where though? Inside your body or outside your body? Like where?

1:27:59 Caller Both.

1:28:00 Adam Inside and outside. Right, it itches.

1:28:07 Drew When you say come, are you talking about something coming out of you or just an orgasm?

1:28:11 Caller Myself, when I have an orgasm, it physically itches me down there.

1:28:15 Adam Well, sweater comes flying out of it. I've seen it before, Drew. It's great during cold weather, but summer, it's a bitch during the summer. It's a buzz kill. Well, Erin. Are you from anywhere or is this just the valley talking? Are you from a country other than this one? Okay, hold on a second. Drew, I grew up in the valley. This is, you know. Yeah, I don't come down myself and it itched.

1:28:50 Drew It's just in me.

1:28:52 Adam And it tasted salty.

1:28:55 Guest But I'm actually curious about this itching.

1:28:57 Drew Well, I'm not sure. I understand what she's describing.

1:29:00 Adam I'm gonna put together hypotheses here, which is she doesn't always have an orgasm.

1:29:04 Drew Correct. I got that.

1:29:06 Adam Those are shorter sessions. When she does have an orgasm, it's a prolonged session.

1:29:10 Drew So she just feels irritated afterwards.

1:29:11 Adam Irritation.

1:29:13 Guest Oh, yeah.

1:29:14 Drew It's not just itching, Aaron, it's irritation, right?

1:29:17 Caller Aaron.

1:29:19 Caller Yeah.

1:29:19 Adam Aaron, yes.

1:29:20 Caller It physically itches.

1:29:23 Guest It doesn't like hurt, it itches.

1:29:26 Caller Right, like I mean, I don't wanna scratch it, it itches.

1:29:28 Adam Right, right.

1:29:29 Caller It doesn't feel like an irritation, like it's rubbing where it's almost raw.

1:29:33 Drew How long you had this for?

1:29:38 Caller It doesn't happen every time. I've noticed it over probably the past about six months or so.

1:29:48 Adam All right.

1:29:50 Guest I was gonna ask you, I was gonna ask you if she has some kind of infection that.

1:29:54 Drew Well, yeah, that's the one thing, whether it's-

1:29:55 Guest Because if you don't cure, and I hate, men die when you say the word yeast infection. Because if you have like a yeast infection and you don't really treat it completely, can it kind of hang around?

1:30:07 Drew It can smolder around, and it can be difficult to get rid of them. And some women have chronic, recurrent yeast infection. There is now a pill you can take that tends to be very good at eradicating these things, but some women need a prolonged base treatment.

1:30:20 Adam I'm putting Erin on hold because I don't.

1:30:22 Drew All we can say is that she's not tracking really.

1:30:25 Adam Is that what it is?

1:30:25 Drew Is something, but all we can say is that that suggests irritation. And we've all sort of picked up on that, whether it's because of a yeast infection or other sort of vaginitis or from excessive activity, whatever. The itching thing, the irritation is usually from some sort of inflammation of the lining. Why it is associated with your, having had an orgasm is difficult to understand. The important thing, though, for you is to go get a pelvic exam, get checked, make sure there's not something medical causing this. There isn't, it's not real life, there's anything you can do to stop this, I'm afraid.

1:30:54 Adam Itching, and by the way, I've had more coherent conversations with thawed cavemen. They were screaming at the sun, calling it a burning ball. I was trying to get them to focus, but eventually I found some common ground. I think it's like a language barrier here that I'm not sure we can ever overcome. By the way, itching on the inside, I could only imagine, it's like, is it the equivalent of wearing a cast and trying to get the coat hanger in there, put a chopstick down there?

1:31:28 Guest Coat hanger up there, generally bad. I mean, I'm not a doctor.

1:31:31 Drew Right.

1:31:32 Guest Generally coat hanger bad.

1:31:34 Adam Even those padded ones with a little bow on them?

1:31:37 Guest Oh, that's a dry cleaner, like the fancy dry cleaner.

1:31:39 Drew Yeah, the really padded ones for the-

1:31:41 Guest You can even get potpourri in there. Yeah, right. Those are okay, probably, right?

1:31:45 Drew Those are good for the vagina.

1:31:47 Adam Honey, you smell like cedar down, don't ask. Yeah.

1:31:51 Guest Well, they can have like rose scent.

1:31:52 Adam Yeah.

1:31:53 Guest You know, like-

1:31:53 Caller Yeah, actually, I've talked to my doctor about it and I've been tested for everything. I don't physically-

1:31:58 Adam Okay, Erin, here's my question. What is the difference between the times you have the orgasm and the times you don't have the orgasm?

1:32:07 Drew In terms of the activity. The interaction.

1:32:09 Adam Yes.

1:32:09 Caller The only thing that I can place it with, maybe, is shaving with a razor. I don't know if it's fresh when I shave, if I itch.

1:32:21 Guest But if you're itching inside-

1:32:22 Adam Hold on, didn't we ask what the difference though- Foreplay.

1:32:26 Guest Erin, here's a note about foreplay.

1:32:27 Adam Yeah, is the session longer when you have the orgasm?

1:32:30 Drew Or are you having orgasm only with oral sex, or only with the intercourse, or what?

1:32:34 Caller Just physically, anytime I have a full-on orgasm, whether-

1:32:38 Caller Full-on, full-on, full-on, dude, belly.

1:32:42 Adam Erin, here's the thing.

1:32:44 Caller What are we talking about?

1:32:45 Adam You're lucky we don't care, because that's what I'm gonna say to you. So otherwise it would drive myself insane. I was trying to figure out- She only has the itching with the orgasm. She decided-

1:32:55 Guest I think you're not gonna find out.

1:32:56 Adam No, no, no. And you know what?

1:32:57 Guest I think it's who shot-

1:32:58 Drew It's the best left unsaid. It's like talking to a primitive man.

1:33:03 Adam Dude, we'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:33:06 Guest Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

1:33:23 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:29 Drew This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

1:33:31 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

1:33:52 Adam God bless you, sweetie pea. And Mark McGrath, always a dear, dear friend. Always good to see you. Mark, great, doing a great job on the show. Thank you. Instant chemistry.

1:34:02 Caller Thanks for having us, man. I appreciate it. It's always been good to me.

1:34:04 Adam Our pleasure. Extra, everyone, check local listings, NBC, every day. And weekends, too. There's a weekend show, right? You guys come back anytime you like.

1:34:18 Caller Yeah, two hours. So quick.

1:34:20 Drew We got a free night.

1:34:21 Adam Hey, we're ready. So until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew, saying mahalo.

1:34:26 Guest Ace's Ranchero Countdown, no good. You don't like that game.

1:34:31 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:34:36 Adam Opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station.

1:34:42 Caller Sponsors or the station.

1:34:43 Adam The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, November 29, 2004