Episode 1000655739129

3:11 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

3:15 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

3:16 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

3:26 Adam That's Dr. Drew.

3:30 Drew Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Dixon-Medley. Well, for the first time in, you know, nine years, Dr. Drew and I have actually made some notes.

3:45 Adam We managed not to talk to each other, though.

3:46 Drew That's the good part.

3:47 Adam We did that, yeah.

3:48 Drew The good part. We avoided that uncomfortable silence. I came in early tonight to get some work done.

3:54 Adam Yeah, sure you did.

3:55 Drew Well, Drew.

3:56 Adam You did come in early, though.

3:57 Drew I came in about 200% earlier than I normally do.

4:00 Adam No, more than that.

4:02 Drew 500%?

4:03 Adam You were 10 minutes early.

4:04 Drew Right.

4:05 Adam That's 10 times your normal.

4:07 Drew Right. Yeah, no, it's about 9 times. Let's be fair.

4:11 Adam 900%.

4:11 Drew The point is, I got in extra early tonight at 9.52. Because I had some work I needed to get done.

4:18 Adam Oh, good.

4:19 Drew And who knows? I may burn the midnight oil tonight. I may be here till 12.01.

4:24 Adam 3? 4?

4:25 Drew Well... Depending when the show ends.

4:28 Adam Don't get carried away.

4:29 Drew We end right on time, maybe 2 or 3. But if we run a few minutes late, yeah, 3 or 4.

4:35 Adam Don't go crazy.

4:36 Drew I got a notepad out. Drew got a little piece of paper out. He's making some scribblings on there. We're talking election.

4:44 Adam Yes. Strangely, I couldn't care.

4:46 Drew I don't care either.

4:48 Adam I have a strange apathy, worse than any apathy I've experienced in the 70s, which was the age of apathy.

4:53 Drew Well, let me... I feel the same way. First off, I'm not buying the hype. This is the most important election ever.

5:00 Adam That's what's making me disturbed.

5:02 Drew But we do this every year, and this is strange. It's the most important Super Bowl ever. It's the most important World Series ever.

5:09 Adam Then it all becomes nothing.

5:11 Drew It's dust in the wind eight months from now. Make it three months.

5:16 Adam But even when they're saying it, it becomes nothing because everything is something in a crisis. Everything is something amazing and never before happened before. You don't at least stop listening. The fourth time, you just go, yeah.

5:27 Drew Here's the problem. When you hype everything and it doesn't really pay off, it becomes like a prizefighter who doesn't really deliver. And you're not going to buy the pay-per-view on the fifth fight because the last four were duds no matter how much you hype them.

5:41 Adam You're not going to do it.

5:42 Drew You're just not going to do it. And this is what this vote or die stuff is. And it's so important. Oh, yeah, it's excruciatingly important that only 100 million people voted last time. And this time 108 million people are going to vote. It's a huge difference, Drew. And idiots, by the way, who weren't going to vote except for Puff Daddy got them to vote. These are the geniuses we need molding the country. But, you know, sorry, so a couple thoughts. One is, why is this the most important election ever? Obviously, it's not. It's no different than any other election. Everyone, oh, everyone's very fervent about it. Oh, are you kidding? What do you mean? What's at stake? What's at stake? I don't know what's at stake, but it's about the same that was at stake four years ago. Oh, it's a different world. Not really.

6:29 Adam Same world. We just didn't know it.

6:30 Drew Yeah, it's the same thing. And issues, hey, everyone, we're relying, guess what, we're relying on fossil fuels from the Middle East. Oh, that's been 35 years old. Oh, trouble in the Middle East. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey, Palestinians having some trouble with the Israelis. Hey, Yasser Arafat, got to get him out of there. Fidel Castro. Boy, his days are numbered. It's a totally different world than it was four, eight, twelve, sixteen years ago, or is it really just about the same and we're putting a new spin on it? That's number one. Yeah, okay, we had 9-11, but there's always been terrorism, especially around the world.

7:11 Adam There's always been a new awareness of it all, that's all.

7:13 Drew Yeah, that's right.

7:13 Adam We've been playing the game.

7:16 Drew So anyway, look, if you want to vote, fine, but don't do the hype. This is the most important one ever. Number one. Number two, I got this theory that the country sort of runs itself or it's not the president that needs to run it. Here's my case. Bush hasn't been in the White House for the last nine months. He's just been out stumping. He's been at like slaughterhouses in Iowa. What's going on back at the White House? How does the country manage to run itself? Maybe it does. Maybe we don't need him in there. Obviously, we don't need him in there. He's not been in there. I'm sure he's made a couple of phone calls and sent a couple of e-mails, if in fact he can e-mail.

7:53 Adam You know what's sort of ironic about that? In the Fahrenheit 9-11, they make such a deal about him not being in the White House at the beginning. But no one ever makes a deal about the fact that each president is not in the White House for nine months out of the four years.

8:06 Drew Right.

8:06 Adam Everyone.

8:07 Drew I know. And here's the thing, too. You essentially spend your last year of your four-year contract not doing your job.

8:15 Adam By the way, even if you're not running, you're stumping for the guy who's running to replace you.

8:19 Drew Well, I'll tell you what I would be doing if I was Bush. I would be saying, hey, second term, no reelection. I'm going to hang in and do my job. Yeah, it's true. You do go out and do a little stumping for the next guy in your party who's trying to enter the Oval Office. But you're not like you do now. I mean, this guy is not essentially checked in. He's not punched in at the White House in a year. Country seems to be fine. Another thing, this whole sort of hype of, oh, my God, if Bush is reelected, we're going to go off the edge of the earth. This is a catastrophe. This is a tragedy. Really? Do you ever notice any difference?

8:53 Adam No.

8:54 Drew I really we had.

8:56 Adam Although a lot of people were saying that when Clinton went in first time around, it took a few years for things to spin out pretty good. Things did spin out pretty, pretty thoroughly.

9:04 Drew I never know. I'll tell you, Reagan was the only guy I ever noticed a difference with. But then there's cyclical changes. Anyway, the world is just one big cyclical change. It's like, whoa, why do we get all the record rainfall this year? Why? Why the record heat two years from now?

9:19 Adam Must be something we did. The volcano god.

9:22 Drew That's right. That's right. Oh, the economy is good. Oh, the economy is bad. Really? I really think it's the cabinet, not the main guy. Sure, he is involved with picking the cabinet, but I don't think anyone would know the difference if you locked them in a room, you didn't give them the USA Today, go about their life. I don't think you know if Kerry or Bush was elected next year. I would defy anyone to do that and I would love to put a gun to their head and say, we get to squeeze the trigger if you're wrong. I don't think any one of these stars that say the world is going to spin off its axis if Bush gets elected to another term would go for that deal.

10:00 Adam I actually think, though, that's the reason I'm so apathetic. I'm sick and tired of people who we shouldn't be listening to who don't know s about s.

10:09 Drew Oh, yes. She's got an idea, everyone. Sure. She's a genius. Of course. Just nothing worse than blowhard celebrities trying to tell you what to do. By the way, celebrities, everyone, less education than the rest of the world and don't really have a trade. And a hundred years ago would just be shoveling ass for a living. Really no...

10:31 Adam Well, then they wouldn't have an opinion. I listen to.

10:35 Drew Right.

10:35 Adam You know what I mean? If they actually had to earn a living.

10:37 Drew Right.

10:38 Adam But I was thinking about this as it pertains to Schwarzenegger, who's actually turned out to be pretty good.

10:43 Drew Listen, I have no problem with Schwarzenegger. I know he's the butt of many jokes. And there's a sort of...

10:47 Adam He's a businessman, though.

10:48 Drew Yeah, I know. And look, here's first off, I can't make fun of a guy's accent that much. To the reason the guy's got an accent is because he speaks another language that I don't speak. It's really hard to do that for me. It's like, yeah, he speaks another language. I don't speak any other languages. I barely speak this one. So I'll give him a little break. Although he could get California down. He doesn't have to do the California.

11:13 Adam Yeah, yeah.

11:14 Drew He really could just sit with a therapist and be like. You can't articulate, you can't articulate yourself any better than that. Put the pencil across your mouth.

11:33 California.

11:37 Drew Yeah. I don't know what that is. It's a little passive aggressive. But the point is, is okay, you got to learn. Okay, here's what you got to learn. You got to learn to pronounce your wife's name, your dog's name, your kid's name, and the state for which you govern over. Those are the only things. And then other than that, do your own thing. You know what I'm saying? All right, Drew, don't look at any of that crap yet. Let's focus. So the point is, is if you want to go out and vote tomorrow, fine. If you don't, that's fine too. You're not going to die. And your vote's not going to, it's going to count for, well, do the math, 125 million people vote. So your vote, yours will be 125 million of that.

12:15 Adam Once again, South Park did a great job with this where they had to vote between a douche bag and a turd sandwich. And Kyle gets, or Stan gets banished from the city for not wanting to vote because he thinks it's retarded. He comes back, realizes he's going to vote. It's an OK thing to do. And they go, I don't know, it's close here. Stan, great thing, good thing you voted. Well, let's see, a turd sandwich, 4,363, douche bag, 87.

12:37 Drew That's right. That's right. All right. So, if you want to vote, fantastic. But you know what? I was thinking to myself, there's a lot of this rhetoric going around where it's like, this is the greatest thing you can do as an American. You go out and vote, it's really, it's not only your duty and your obligation, but it's really about the best thing you can do as American. And I was thinking to myself, OK, I don't know, two thirds of the countries within voting age, and I don't know, three quarters of that two thirds goes out and votes. It's over one hundred million people are going out and voting. And I thought to myself, you know, there's so many things I'd rather those hundred million people do than vote for the country. What if that hundred million people swore never to do a frivolous lawsuit or never to file for a disability when when they felt fine or pledged to stick with their kids and rear them?

13:33 Adam Oh, my God.

13:33 Drew And take care of them, or didn't call the cops when there was no reason to call the cops when they could have just walked over their neighbor's house and told them to turn the stereo down or didn't litter.

13:43 Adam Don't go to the emergency room when you have a cold.

13:45 Drew Right. Or didn't didn't block up the emergency room or get in line, have a flu shot when they were 28 and fine, or just didn't crap out a bunch of kids they couldn't take up. Think of the things those Americans, those 100 plus million Americans could do and actually impact the country and turn to utopia. Here's a better, here's a, I would rather take, if there's 110 million people who are voting, I'd rather just take the 10 million, let them vote, take the 100 million and put them on my plan.

14:13 Adam Have them do something. Yeah, have them do something. Because 10 million will represent, by the way.

14:16 Drew 10 million is a pretty good example. If you just go ahead and picture like the Rose Bowl filled to capacity and then you do that times 100. There's enough people in there. There's enough folks in there, figure it out, right?

14:31 Adam Genius.

14:31 Drew Yeah.

14:32 Adam We have to do this.

14:33 Drew Yeah. Well, if you want to do something, stop crapping out the kids. Stop the frivolous lawsuits. Stop hassling everybody. How about that?

14:40 Adam We need to pay your taxes. We need a catchy phrase for that.

14:43 Drew This is what you can do, by the way, if you love this country. You voting doesn't mean crap, by the way. You go down, you take the day off work, you get a cookie, you get a sticker, you feel real good about yourself. And then you go home, put the finishing touches on your lawsuit. You're suing your eighth casino in as many months. Fantastic. McDonald's. The point is, is take a good look. You want to be a good American? You don't have to vote. Why don't you take care of the kid you haven't seen in eight years? Well, how about that?

15:10 Adam I am so on board with this.

15:11 Drew How about going to work? How about paying your taxes? You want to be a good American? These are things you can do. Don't get divorced.

15:16 Adam Those are the most important things you can do.

15:18 Drew Yeah, there you go. Take your kid out to a ball game. There you go. That's what you can do. Don't litter. Get a smog check for your car. Put the catalytic converter back on it.

15:29 Adam We need it. We need it.

15:30 Drew These are things you can do. Well, Drew, you're not coming up with it.

15:33 Adam Civic. Anything I see will sound retarded.

15:35 Drew Yeah. That's good. All right. You got nothing. What else? What do you got, Drew? I got ideas over here.

15:41 Adam I like your ideas. I'm going with them.

15:43 Drew You rarely do. But what do you have? You have anything good?

15:45 Adam I've already shot most of my stuff. Really?

15:47 Drew It was nothing. You brought up a South Park episode.

15:50 Adam That's about it.

15:51 Drew Drew, you took notes for five minutes.

15:53 Adam Nothing good, though.

15:54 Drew All right. Well, let's keep talking for a second. Another big thing is this three strikes business. Everyone's going nuts for the three strikes thing, which is they want to repeal it because there's people in there.

16:06 Adam They want to change it or something.

16:07 Drew The third strike was stealing a donut. I think you and I share the same feeling on this.

16:12 Adam Statistically, if you can't handle it, you got two strikes, you know the third strike's coming and you get the third strike.

16:17 Drew Yeah.

16:17 Adam That's not a mistake. That's not a mistake.

16:18 Drew Well, here's the other thing too. I don't care if you stole, if it's three times you stole three Hershey Kisses. I like the kind of society where somebody says, hey, no more stealing Hershey Kisses. Or else. I just don't. And if you do, hey, we'll cut your head off the third time you do it. How about you just, don't even go in the liquor store. Just keep walking. If you can't stop yourself from doing that, I don't need you out in society. I don't really care what it is. Now I prefer you rape somebody or murder someone for your third strike.

16:48 Adam You wouldn't worry that the victim of the crimes is an unfortunate reason for them.

16:51 Drew Can't stand it. And that's another problem.

16:54 Adam That's a different issue than third strike, though, really. It's not the third strike that's responsible for the victim of the crimes.

16:59 Drew Well, here's the problem is, here's what we do. We take these, first off, we focus on the letter of the law and not the, not through jump in, please, not the spirit of the law, and three strikes is to keep dangerous people out of society, and it ends up a guy's end up selling tabs at a fish concert, and this guy's locked up next to the guy who, you know, killed his wife. That's the problem. And I don't know why we can't discern between the two.

17:42 Adam But it seems impossible. They're getting through that way.

17:45 Drew Yes. Well, here's the other thing, too. As far as crime goes, the job of the cops is really just to carry out the will of the people. Woody Harrelson is growing some hydroponic weed in the basement of his mom's house. Don't give a rat's ass. And no one else does either. So good, done. Heidi Fleiss is getting a Japanese businessman like, don't care. Done. Move forward. Move forward. Uh-oh. Guy's carjacking. Uh-oh. Kid's graffiting a freeway sign and crawling up there. These are things we care about. Let's focus on those. Can't you guys just focus on the stuff we care about? When was the last time we took a vote on pot and dealing drugs? And by the way, does everything just have to have one huge umbrella over it? Does drugs just have to be drugs? Oh, you could be mulling in kilos and kilos of black tar heroin in from Columbia. That same guys, the guys selling the joint at the Grateful Dead concert. It's drugs. It's drugs and they're all bad. Where do we get that, by the way? Can't we just decide what's bad? And there's no shades of gray.

18:53 Adam It's all based on the Harrison Narcotic Act circa 1911.

18:57 Drew Yeah, here...

18:58 Adam 1914, I think it is. And it has all come off of that without changing the fundamental principles.

19:03 Drew Here's the thing we need to do. Here's where we're at now and here's the problem. We need to create some sort of crime menu in order, like, okay...

19:14 Adam Well, I thought that's what the three strikes thing was to modify it so some of the things wouldn't qualify for three strikes.

19:20 Drew It would be nice. It would be nice if it's just like, okay, murder is at the top of the list. And then you got rape and then you start going down into arson and whatever, and then, you know, battery and all kinds of stuff. And then eventually you start getting down into drugs and some sort of, you know, tax evasion or whatever Martha Stewart did that was so horrible. You know, you start getting down to the crimes no one really cares about and that's it. Right now it's like, oh, you got the guy, yeah, you got the guy who tried to set his kid on fire and burn him over 90% of his body, he's doing 13 years and so is the guy selling the acid at the fish concert. They both got 13 years. As a society, that's what we care about? And it's sort of like we have this retarded approach to laws, which is, well, of course society doesn't, but that's the law. What do you mean that's the law? Just do what we care about.

20:13 Adam Yes. Well, strangely enough, the judicial system is busy sort of creating laws in some areas and not listening to stuff we want to do in others. And they're supposed to care at the will of the legislature, which is supposed to be acting on behalf of the people.

20:27 Drew Right. Period. Period. That's it. And it's turned into some sort of crazy thing where it's like, well, everyone knows OJ was guilty, but they didn't prove within a reasonable doubt that so we're going to let, no, no, remember the first part? We know he's guilty? Good enough. Throw him away. That's it. I don't know why we're trying to beat ourselves on technicalities. We have all these crazy mandatory sentences. There's way too many people in the joint for joints and consensual crimes. I don't understand that. By the way, it seemed like something we were closing in on about 30 years ago and we've made almost no headway on it at all. And it's one of the one of the things that Republicans have sort of dropped the ball on. But it seems like everyone has dropped the ball on this. And somehow politicians turn into huge pussies when it comes to drugs. Oh, who? Crime? What? Drugs? Tough. Tough on crime. Tough on crime. Is it drugs or crime? Tough on drugs. Tough on crime drugs. Drugs? Crime. Yeah. But can we have anyone who just thinks logically? Obviously, look, I don't say guys that are bringing drugs in the country should get the Nobel Peace Prizes and pay their cable bill for the next five years. I'm just saying there needs to be a place for them. I don't know where it is. Maybe they're doing a little work. Maybe they're by the side of the road picking up some garbage. It's not in the joint. I don't want to pay for them. I don't want them next. I don't want to make room for these guys so we can get the guy who set the kid on fire in there.

21:58 Adam That's right.

21:59 Drew I don't need that.

22:00 Adam We also have to push him out after three years to make room for more hotheads.

22:04 Drew Right. The guy who set the kid on fire is no different in the eyes of the law. I think it's so easy to figure out, by the way, when you just hear these crimes, it's very easy. As far as the three strikes thing, how come there's no common sense involved? I mean, okay, you stole three tic-tacs. You know, it doesn't apply.

22:22 Adam You know, we don't know. Maybe there is. In reality, maybe there is.

22:25 Drew Well, the whole reason it got put into place is because each judge had their own particular spin on how much time a guy should do. So they started getting these retarded mandatory minimums and then it's like, well, let's see, you got caught with a dime bag of weed. Let's check the mandatory minimum because judges are stupid. We can't trip up 27 years. Well, actually, you can get three quarters of that. You'll be up for parole in 19 and a half years. Fantastic. Yeah, see you later. There you go. You're 20. Yeah, you'll be out when you're 40. Fantastic. And then we just pay for this guy to rot in prison or get his GED or whatever it is.

23:03 Adam And that's why this three strike thing is being reconsidered.

23:05 Drew All right. Well, but it's never as simple as these guys. Now we're going to let rapists out on the street. I don't know what the deal is. And I'm going back to my first thing, which is if you just get involved with the system and can't get out of the system, maybe you should go rot somewhere.

23:20 Adam Yeah.

23:20 Drew Whatever it's for.

23:21 Adam Right. That's right.

23:22 Drew OK, everybody, you're not supposed to be going in and out of the courts all the time. You're just not. You're not supposed to. You get busted once. Once you got to stay on the straight and air, you got to keep your nose clean, as they used to call on the streets or someone will drop a dime on you. You know what I'm saying? I hear you.

23:40 Adam All right.

23:41 Drew Where are we, Drew?

23:42 Adam Time for a break.

23:44 Drew Drew, very articulate.

23:45 Adam Yeah, isn't that good? Lots of great ideas, too.

23:47 Drew Yeah, fantastic. Another episode of South Park and one episode of Family Guy that covered the elections you want to talk about.

23:53 Adam Let's go, buddy. The stuff I was into is too esoteric.

23:56 Drew Too esoteric.

23:57 Adam Spanish-American.

23:57 Drew I know your audience. Yes, Dr. Drew, you're too hip for the room. But break it down, would you? And let me just say one more thing. Break it down. Break it down. This is why everyone hates the Ace Man, but I got to speak. You know, there's this sort of thing where, well, Bush, he wants to give tax breaks to rich people. First off, I hate to say, Drew, and you'll never hear this on any other talk radio because people are scared to tell you what they make because if they tell you they make a lot of money, then somehow you're not going to like them. Everyone can kiss my ass, by the way, and make a lot of money. Of course, I make a lot of money. That's what I do. That's why you do that. I'm in show business. Otherwise, I'd go back to swinging a hammer and have some goddamn dignity, by the way. But here's the thing. I think we're rich.

24:40 Adam We're by his standards, yes.

24:42 Drew By societal standards. When they do that thing where they go, he wants to give rich people a tax break. We're the people he's talking about. Here's the thing. Pay a ton of money in taxes. Have no idea what they're talking about. Loopholes, tax breaks for the rich. Oh, I get to keep all my money. I'm lighting a cigars with $100 bills and I'm going to grow more. I need a gray top hat.

25:05 Adam Or did you pay $600,000 in taxes last year?

25:07 Drew Maybe $700,000.

25:11 Adam You got so much for that.

25:12 Drew Oh, yeah. I'm a rich guy.

25:14 Adam $700,000.

25:16 Drew I did everything. I got my own helicopter. Listen, I'm flying with the Blue Angels tomorrow. I got my own F-14 Tomcat.

25:26 Adam It comes reliably every day. Mailman comes in the morning.

25:29 Drew Listen, I moved my mailbox. It was out on the street because someone stole my mailbox. I had to rip the mailbox off and I put a slot in my gate and said, hey, how about you feed it? No way. It's like, kiss my ass. I'm not getting out of the truck. Really? Nothing? $700,000 club? Nothing? Nothing. So here's the thing. Nothing.

25:48 Adam No, nothing.

25:49 Drew I get nothing. I get zero.

25:50 Adam You get people talking about you're a bad guy. You get your mom looking at you saying, oh, yeah, buddy, why aren't you doing more?

25:56 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Kiss my ass, all you people. How dare you? Oh, he. Oh, yeah, the rich. Oh, please, the rich. I don't even know what they're talking about. Yeah. I'm sure there's incentives for businesses so they don't flee to Canada and Mexico and wherever else and do all this outsourcing. Fine. California's done a nice job of driving most businesses out of the state because they're crazy rules that have to do with, you know, disability and workman's comp and all this stuff with like FEMA and HEPA and Hoopon, OSHA and all this other nonsense. Yeah, of course you move because you can't afford to do business is what they call it in the state. Impossible. Fine. But as far as just, oh, rich guys? Yeah. Yeah. Here's the deal. I pay 700 grand in taxes. School teacher pays seven grand in taxes. Guess who the bad guy is?

26:47 Adam You.

26:47 Drew Ace man. Oh, and all the freebies I get from the government. Oh, my God, they're courting me. They're courting me like, oh, it's like I get a corsage, I get my own mailman, I get my own street cleaner. It's huge, Drew. I have my own school. Or after me. Or do I get the same thing? Engineer Chris over here lives at home. And actually, I get less because at least he's raping the system by taking the one class at the junior, junior college. That's right. Chris, you get more. How much you engineer Chris pay last year? Nine dollars. I didn't pay. OK, no dollars. You pay no dollars. And the reason guys like you don't have to pay is because guys like me are bad.

27:26 Adam Because you're a bad guy.

27:27 Drew I pay for 500 people, but I'm a bad guy. Oh, I'm a horrible guy. And Bush, he's my man because it's free. Oh, imagine if Bush wasn't in there. Oh, imagine how much I'd be paying and how little I'd be getting. I'd be paying a million dollars and be getting corn holed by firemen. Really? Seven hundred grand and zero? You could do worse, I could do worse than what I'm doing. Fantastic. Kiss my ass, by the way. And I don't even use anything. I don't use the schools. I don't even use.

27:56 Adam Nothing. Nothing.

27:57 Drew I don't use anything.

27:58 Adam The roads.

27:59 Drew I use the roads. I don't use the places that have the books.

28:02 Adam I don't want to bother you with that.

28:04 Drew What is that? What is that?

28:05 Adam Library.

28:06 Drew What?

28:06 Adam Library.

28:07 Drew Library. I don't go into those places. I don't do anything. Just stay home and hope to die. That's it. Chris, what did you pay again last year? Nothing. There you go. There you go.

28:18 Adam He uses the roads, too, though.

28:19 Drew Oh, same roads. Same car. Get a parking ticket. Same thing. You ready? Let's take a break.

28:25 Adam Let's take a break. I'll take a break.

28:27 Drew We'll be right back after this.

28:30 Who's this? Hey, everybody.

28:48 Drew Dr. Drew rocking the vote tonight.

28:51 Adam Oh, yeah.

28:51 Drew Yeah, I got a piece of paper that said South Park on it. Yeah. Whoo. Get paid the same. I hope we do. Yeah. I think my finger's crossed. Oh, Christ. All right, everybody. What's going on?

29:06 Adam We're breaking it down.

29:07 Drew Let's break it down. Let's go.

29:08 Adam We're just talking about how this Rock the Vote thing is somewhat hypocritical in that you have to rock the vote, but you have to vote for Kerry.

29:14 Drew Yeah.

29:14 Adam Or else you can't. You have to be ashamed if you vote.

29:17 Drew You can vote or die or rock the vote, but for Kerry.

29:20 Adam Vote our way.

29:22 Drew Vote for Bush. You got to kind of be quiet, especially in this town. I'm sure there are towns where you don't have to, but Los Angeles, especially if you're in the entertainment world.

29:31 Adam You have to whole rock the vote thing, or vote or die thing is all about that.

29:33 Drew Yeah. It's a thinly veiled vote Democrat thing.

29:36 Adam But again, they are shaming people that actually vote differently. It's very, very strange.

29:42 Drew Yeah. And all right. I don't want to. I'm done.

29:47 Adam I'm done. The nice thing about us, we don't have any strong feelings either way.

29:50 Drew No. Listen. Bush seems a little bit like a deer in the headlights, although the guy flew F-102s or 104s or whatever he flew. So he's not at retard. By the way, those planes back then didn't fly themselves. And he's not an idiot. You just can't fly those planes and be an idiot. Right. You probably can't get to where he got in life and be an idiot. On the other hand, I wouldn't call him impressive. Cary, I have no idea what he does. And I certainly wouldn't call him... I'm not blown away by the guy by any stretch of the imagination. He's got a plan. He's keeping it to himself. And oh, and by the way, all you Cary fanatics out there, it'll be great in two years. It'll be utopian.

30:29 Adam Utopian.

30:29 Drew Everyone. The colored man will be on top where he belongs. All poor people will be rich. Rich people will be paying for everyone. Utopia. It'll be great. Crime will be gone. Fantastic. The terrorist, and by the way, the rest of the country is going to respect us. The rest of the world, I should say, is going to respect us. That's the way it is. That's the way terrorists work, by the way. Once they find out you're good people, they leave you alone. You just sniff the glove. They're like dogs. They sniff the glove. They realize you're okay. They stop barking. That's what terrorists want.

30:57 Adam Of course.

30:57 Drew Yeah. They love weakness, by the way.

30:59 Adam Yes.

30:59 Drew They love it when they're laid back.

31:00 Adam They respond to that.

31:01 Drew Respect them. They want respect. All they want is respect. They leave you alone. That's what they want. Please. Especially in the Middle East. That's all they want. You know what their motto is? Live and let live. They want to go about their ways. They have rich culture and beating the crap out of women and oppressing people.

31:20 Adam But they kisarasa ra.

31:22 Drew Genital mutilation. That's their thing. I don't care you.

31:26 Adam You sound like you might be judging.

31:28 Drew They just want to be left alone. That's all right. Yeah, that's fine. They don't fight, by the way. You leave them alone. There's no fighting going on.

31:34 Adam By the way, we would like nothing better. That's what we were doing, was leaving them alone.

31:37 Drew That's the problem.

31:38 Adam Yeah. That's what we were doing.

31:40 Drew We'll leave them alone, Drew. That's all. We won't have any more trouble from those people. Just respect them and leave them alone. We've got to respect their culture. That's all. Can't judge. Cannot judge. Impossible. Jillian?

31:52 Yes?

31:53 Drew Fantastic.

31:53 Adam What's up?

31:55 I was wondering how you can say that this election isn't important when you are the people that hear from everyone, my aides that have problems with unprotected sex. The president has vowed to only support abstinence only programs.

32:13 Adam You know what? These people are going to be around whether the government funnels money into it or not. It's very hard from our perspective to see a big difference. I'm sure if you work for Planned Parenthood, you feel differently. And of course, we are very much in favor of abstinence, but abstinence only education where you're not allowed to talk about any other alternatives than abstinence, of course, don't work. Even the people that back abstinence only sort of backpedal from that in terms of how they present their case. Yeah, I'm not happy about that at all.

32:43 Drew Yeah. But look, here's the thing. There's this sort of thing where if we get a Republican in office, women are going to lose the rights over their reproductive systems, you know, back alley abortions, look out. We got a Republican in office. Where's the back alley abortions? Things just don't change that much. That's all. You go to Planned Parenthood, you get an abortion. There's a Republican in office. How does that work? There's this idea that there's some sort of here. Here's the seed that the other party plants. There's a that here's what's going to do. We let a Democrat in office. He's going to take away your guns. That's what the Republicans say, take away your guns. He's going to take your guns, come on for your guns. All right. Well, Clinton was in there for four years, eight years. I mean, sorry, eight years. He didn't see no one. He wants guns. Want to give himself a BJ, want to relax a little, try to avoid his wife, do his thing, maybe a little travel. Not interested in your guns. OK. Eight years, everyone's still got their guns. Bush gets in there. That's it for reproductive rights. That's it. Women back alley abortions. Well, doesn't seem to happen either. Rally is no one really does anything anymore. You know, the borders, what goes on with the borders? I don't even know who to vote for. If illegal immigration was your number one concern, who do you vote for, the Democrat or Republican? They're both tough on everything except for they do nothing. But this is big. This is important. Tomorrow, most important election ever. Yeah, we'll see. See if you notice the difference.

34:14 Adam I do wonder about the social programs, though, I got to tell you. Like what Jillian was just talking about, that is the area where I do see some troubling trends.

34:22 Drew The Republicans are retards with that sort of stuff. They're just idiots. You know, look, there's AIDS is being spread around like a wildfire in, you know, 1986 and they don't want to give clean needles to junkies. They're stupid. And then basically, but then the Democrats want to just give money to the welfare moms that are crapping out the kids that are infected with the AIDS and keep them sustained. They're both idiots. At the end of the day, they're both idiots. Yes, they're both idiots, but at the end of the day, I would rather vote for the guy who doesn't give out the clean needles, because at least that's nothing. It's ill. You want to...

35:01 Adam It's not pushing things in the wrong direction.

35:03 Drew You want to blow junkies? That's your prerogative.

35:05 Adam Right.

35:07 Drew You know what I'm saying?

35:08 Adam Yeah.

35:09 Drew No, Drew, I'm saying to you. You want to blow a junkie?

35:12 Adam Right now?

35:12 Drew Yeah. It's your prerogative.

35:14 Adam Jeff? Not right now.

35:16 Drew I know. In the morning after pills, something we've been wanting to get along.

35:19 Adam But you know that even no matter how the government gets behind that, we're still going to be fighting. In fact, they'll even get worse, I bet you.

35:25 Drew By the way, Clinton was in office for eight years when the whole thing got started and did zero.

35:32 Adam That's when you met with waters. What's her name?

35:35 Drew Maxine Waters?

35:36 Adam That was during Clinton administration.

35:37 Drew Yeah. Actually, Aunt Esther is who it was. Yeah.

35:40 Adam And there was nothing being done about that.

35:42 Drew Of course not. Don't think that... Listen, Democrats don't love everyone like you think they do. Here's the thing, you think, oh, Republicans hate everyone. They just love money. Democrats love everyone. They don't do anything for anyone either. They want to look like it. Yeah, sure. I saw Maxine Waters. She's a nutty old bat. Doesn't know anything. She's just eyes spinning around like pinwheels.

36:03 Adam What'd you call her? Aunt Esther.

36:05 Drew Aunt Esther. From Sanford, son. No idea what the morning after pill was. Yeah, her constituency couldn't use it. Tell me the science was still out on it. Of course. She's talked out her ass. That's all these people do. They don't know anything. They just want you to go away. Don't do anything. They just sit around. Please. Jeff?

36:27 Yeah.

36:28 Drew You're 22?

36:29 Caller Yeah.

36:30 Drew What's happening?

36:32 Caller Well, I got a little mature fetish. Yeah.

36:34 Adam What does that mean?

36:35 Drew Hold on, though. Speaking of Maxi-1, everyone's got to vote for Barbara Boxer or otherwise back alley abortions.

36:40 Adam Of course.

36:41 Drew Right in. Of course. Coat hangers.

36:43 Adam Only back alleys.

36:44 Drew Pregnant or not, male and female. If you don't have a bun in the oven, we'll stuff one in you and they'll tear it out with a coat hanger in the back alley, by the way.

36:52 Adam In a day with the abortions with medication.

36:53 Drew Yeah, no, no, back alley. Back alley. Coat hangers. Barbara Boxer. Otherwise, back alley abortions. You want back alley abortions? All right. You don't? You don't want them?

37:02 Adam No, it sounds quite, actually. You vote.

37:04 Drew It sounds like a bed and breakfast. Where are you staying? We're going to have a Carmel and then we're going off to wine country. Where are you staying? Back alley abortions? Oh, no, that's nice. We're there. They have the real high beds.

37:14 Adam It's like a vineyard up there, back alley abortions.

37:16 Drew All right, Jeff. Yeah, women are going to lose control of their uterus. Yeah, they're going to have control of it anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead, Jeff.

37:29 Caller Ever since the beginning of college, I sort of started to get this little mature fetish.

37:33 Adam What does that mean?

37:34 Drew Yeah, what does that mean?

37:35 Caller I kind of like women, you know, a little older, like 30s, 40s, something like that.

37:39 Drew You know, good hooligan.

37:42 Caller Yeah.

37:43 Drew Maybe get Maxine Watt or St. Barbara Boxer, and then you knock them up, they don't get reelected, and it's back alley abortion. Yeah. Go ahead. Sorry.

37:54 Caller All right. Well, here's my question. First part is, Dr. Drew, I know I've heard you say on previous shows that you don't really know where a fetish is formed, but...

38:02 Adam Not in any sort of descriptive biology.

38:06 Drew We've now narrowed it down to the state of Florida, though. We're not sure what city it's in.

38:11 Adam Sometimes Germany. But, yeah, there is not fully understood how this evolves.

38:18 Drew Right.

38:19 Caller Well, the second and more important part of my question is, I've been dating this girl basically since high school. We took about a year break in between, but we've been together a long time. But just tonight, the reason I'm calling is, I logged on to a dating service and sent out about 30 or 40 emails to women in the area who are older asking if they'd like to fulfill my fantasy. And my question is, I mean, I don't really know what to do, you know. I like my girlfriend. I love her, you know, but…

38:52 Drew Sure. It's apparent.

38:54 Caller You can't really do anything about that.

38:56 Adam Yeah. Maybe it's time to… maybe it's just time to break up with your girlfriend.

38:59 Caller Yeah.

38:59 Drew Let's start with that. I'd say so. Go ahead.

39:02 Adam You've already betrayed her rather seriously.

39:04 Drew You're doing the mass mailing on the internet. I know you're deeply in love.

39:09 Adam Of course. How dare you?

39:11 Drew Deep love.

39:12 Adam Deep, deep.

39:13 Drew Deep love.

39:14 Adam So, A, break up with a girlfriend. B, don't follow through on this plan to just troll for somebody, anybody out there over the age of 30. God only knows what you'll get involved with. And then, kind of look in, these kinds of behaviors don't exist in a vacuum. This is not just, I'm into mature fetish. This is, sounds like sexual compulsion, really. It's like you're going to go out and just find anybody over the web, right?

39:38 Drew Right.

39:39 Adam That's prostitution, basically.

39:41 Drew Alright, good times. Let me just say this one more time, not to put too fine a point in, but I don't even know, what does Maxine Waters do out here? Do you think she knows? You know what state or city she represents? She's a congresswoman, I don't even know what she does. Here's my point, she's a democrat, she's a crazy democrat. She is as, you know, left as you go. Left of, you know, brown. Super left. Yeah, I saw her on Politically Incorrect, I was doing Politically Incorrect about three years ago. I brought up The Morning After Pills, she hadn't heard of it, not interested in it. So, again, just not to put too fine a point on it, but don't think, oh, well, this is something that the Republicans are trying to squelch, but the Democrats, Maxine Wallace didn't even heard of it, does nothing for it. Zero. OK, she's interested in reparations. They're interested in this.

40:31 Adam They're interested in the flow of money. That's right.

40:33 Drew We got to get more money funneled into the inner city. I got to get a park put up and I got to put my name put on it. That's what they're not interested in actually doing anything. They're actually going to do anything for anybody. They're interested in giving money to people in the short term. I got to get someone $1,200.

40:48 Adam And again, by the way, when has any government funded, particularly federally funded work done anything for anybody around here?

40:54 Drew I don't know. Look, here's the deal, everybody, with your crappy, in Canada, they have, just go to work, would you? What are you going to do? Just sit around? What the government's not doing for you? Oh my God, no, they should be giving, health care should be a right for, no, it's not. It's not a right. Look, the guy who invented, the company that builds PET scans and CAT scans, those are multi-million dollar pieces of equipment. We should just go get it from them for free. Hey, give us that. No, no, give us. Give us. Yeah. Oh, but there's 200 grand worth of titanium and computer part. Give us. Give us.

41:28 Adam And billions of research. Oh, well, shh, shh, shh.

41:32 Drew Listen.

41:32 Adam It's for the good of humanity.

41:33 Drew My cat has a tumor. Give me that. It's free. It's all free. No, no. It's not free. If it were free, it wouldn't exist. Aha. That's the thing. All the medicines, all the AZT, all the PET scans and the CAT scans, all this crazy technology, it wouldn't be here because no one would develop it because no one would develop these drugs and there'd be no money for R&D. You understand? So, your plan doesn't work because your plan would not have a future for this equipment. No one would do it.

42:04 Adam For the history of medicine.

42:05 Drew You'd be the company that says, hey, listen, I got an idea for magnetic resonant frequency. Forget it. Because as soon as we finish it, some hippies are going to take it. No, no. Everything costs money. You want something, you got to pay for it. Now, here's the job. Go to work. Get some money. Get yourself some good healthcare. That's what you need to focus on. That's what everyone needs. Don't sit around and worry about what everyone else is doing. Go to work. Make some money and quit your whining. And then pay for stuff. And then do whatever you want. You want the best of healthcare? Go ahead. Pay for it. Fantastic. You want to build a fence around your house, hire a security guard? Go ahead. You want a car with 700 airbags? Go ahead. That's it. Make money. Then do it. And shut up. Quit complaining. Make me sick. Chris, how much are you paying taxes last year? Nothing. Okay, good. All right. Well, I'll get Maxine Waters on the horn. Maybe she can give you something. Let's take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

43:05 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

43:17 Drew That's Dr. Drew rocking the vote. Drew's angry, boy. He's a doctor. He ain't getting paid. Yeah. Hey, hey, baby. It's a right for everyone, everyone on the planet. Every single person should have guys who went to college for 20 years, give them freebies. Yeah. How about lawyers?

43:39 Adam They should work for free, too.

43:40 Drew They should work for free?

43:41 Adam Oh, no, wait a minute, that's different.

43:42 Drew Oh, no, they just rate big businesses, yeah.

43:45 Adam And the patient-doctor privilege relationship, that should be at the liberty of the attorneys, but the attorney-client relationship, that's sacrosanct.

43:53 Drew Yeah, sure.

43:53 Adam That we can't have on.

43:54 Drew Right, right. Yeah, what about the attorneys? Shouldn't everyone have the right to a legal representation? I want to file another frivolous lawsuit. Tell you what I'm going to do. I want to file a frivolous lawsuit. I'm going to get an attorney and I'll go see the doctor. He can work on me for free and the attorney can get 10%.

44:12 Adam Here's what I want to do.

44:13 Drew Let's make it 50%.

44:14 Adam I want to run on a platform of a legal care system similar to Medicare. Government run, control prices.

44:22 Drew That's right.

44:22 Adam See how that goes down.

44:24 Drew Yeah, see how John Edwards likes that, by the way. Guys made billions of dollars as a trial attorney. That's fantastic. That's right. Oh, you can only sue the cigarette companies for a couple, $1,500. Yeah, there you go.

44:36 Adam No, no, no, you can, as much as you want, but your hourly wait rate will be controlled.

44:40 Drew It's controlled.

44:40 Adam Determined.

44:41 Drew What do you get, 18 bucks an hour, 20 bucks an hour?

44:44 Adam We'll give them 60 bucks an hour. Before expenses.

44:48 Drew Now, Drew, everyone has a right. That's a right. Janice, you have the right to the best, by the way. Not just medical care, the best medical care. Yeah, in Canada, in Canada, yeah, that's why they come over here, huh? Oh, exactly. Where everyone comes here to get worked on, yeah. Yeah. Because we are the best. Yeah, we're the best. Thank you, thank you, because everyone's right. And listen, here's the thing, everybody, here's what I'm saying. If you don't feel like working, if you don't feel like putting anything into the system, if you don't feel like paying taxes, you don't feel like doing anything, that's fine. You have a right to the best medical care the world can provide in this United States, that's right. And what if everyone thought that way? Where's the money come from? What do you do, Drew, who pays you?

45:34 Adam How about who does the system, who actually gives the care?

45:38 Drew Drew, don't argue, you have the right in Canada to take care of everyone. Janice?

45:42 Adam Yes.

45:43 Drew Go ahead, baby doll, you got a Germany or Florida for us?

45:45 Caller I do indeed. This one is entitled, Something You Don't See Every Day. I don't know why they titled it that, but anyway. Police detained.

45:55 Adam We never had a title for a Germany or Florida.

45:57 No, but I like it, I like it.

45:59 Adam Now, whoever calls it should endeavor to create a title for us.

46:02 Drew It's never gonna work.

46:03 Caller Go ahead. So, you know, police detained a naked 25-year-old woman and her 23-year-old partner who were engaged in sexual intercourse on the pavement in the middle of a busy shopping district, police said Saturday. The couple was spotted by pedestrians late Friday morning having intercourse. Pedestrians in the town of 40,000 called police, but the couple initially ignored police orders to stop. The naked couple continued their passion-filled activity on the cold asphalt, a police spokesman said. They finally followed police instructions to stop on the third warning. The spokesman said that...

46:39 Drew You get hit with that bean bag, you lose your boner.

46:42 Adam How about the nightstick in the ass?

46:43 Caller This is a $125 fine.

46:46 Adam Not in the ass, on the ass.

46:48 Drew I see. Okay, sorry, $125 what?

46:50 Caller $125 fine each for disturbing the peace.

46:55 Drew All right, hold on a second.

46:57 Adam There's a number of clues in this one.

46:59 Drew A, asphalt.

47:00 Adam Cold asphalt.

47:02 Drew Well.

47:02 Adam Cold asphalt.

47:03 Drew Yeah, but that's like saying filthy ground. Anytime you say it, you'd say it. Unless it was hot.

47:11 Adam Cold asphalt?

47:11 Drew I don't think, here's the whole thing.

47:13 Adam It was morning, though.

47:13 Drew I don't like asphalt. I don't think Germany goes for asphalt.

47:17 Adam I think it goes for asphalt.

47:19 Drew I think I go for concrete. I think it's concrete. I have a little black top.

47:23 Adam Yeah, a little black top.

47:24 Drew I gotta look into it. The point is the not stopping, when the cops are there, this means you're exquisitely high.

47:31 Adam Yeah, drugs are high. So that's Florida. Town of 40,000.

47:37 Drew Never know, never know.

47:39 Adam The kind of naked exhibition is in those sounds German.

47:43 Drew Sounds German.

47:44 Adam Yeah.

47:44 Drew What do you think? You go German. I think you're thinking German.

47:47 Adam No, I'm going Florida.

47:48 Drew Go German, go German. You're thinking German.

47:50 Adam You go German.

47:51 Drew You go German.

47:52 Adam All right, Germany.

47:54 Drew All right, I'm going Florida.

47:55 Adam It's Florida.

47:56 Drew Shush up. Oh, wait a minute. Where is she?

47:58 Adam For two.

47:59 Drew Janice, okay. You got Germany, you got Florida. Go ahead, Janice.

48:02 Caller Well, I have to say, Drew, you're right. It is Germany.

48:07 Drew Yeah. Start trusting my gut.

48:11 Adam Just what Adam says, I'm gonna do.

48:13 Drew Yeah. All right, there you go. Hey, Janice.

48:17 Adam Yes.

48:18 Drew Thank you for calling, by the way.

48:20 Adam You're welcome.

48:21 Drew All right. Good time, sir. Baby, it all will send you on a home version of the game. And, yeah, windbreaker, 25 Janice. You don't see too many Janices at 25. Yeah, perfect. All right, let's take a break. What's your opinion on the stem cell research? That's a good question for the doc, stem cell. After this. What are women most attracted to?

48:49 Adam Confident guys.

48:50 Drew That's right. You can't buy that confidence. At least you couldn't until now.

48:53 Adam What do we got?

48:54 Drew You got Axe deodorant body spray.

48:56 Adam Oh my God.

48:57 Drew To spray that on, it's like slathering on the confidence. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Big election show, Drew.

49:26 Adam Oh yeah.

49:26 Drew Got a lot of thoughts on the elections. It's got a whole South Park episode I'd like to recite. Now let me say this, yes.

49:33 Adam You say.

49:34 Drew Okay, here's what I want to say. Here's the guy I would vote for. First off, does anyone say anything, is there anyone close to dynamic that could actually get to the point where you could actually cast a vote for them? Does anyone say anything, I don't even know. I've heard Kerry talk for a thousand hours. I don't even know what he's talking about. We are renewed faith in America. We're looking forward to hope. Hope is on the way. Oh, wait, well, on the way? Hope is what you get to, you can have hope all the time, by the way, spring's eternal, you know? You don't, hope isn't on the way. The solution is on the way. You get the hope.

50:08 Adam Hope should be here.

50:09 Drew Hope's here, hope's everywhere. You're in the joint, you have hope. You're not hoping for hope. Hope on the way means you're hoping for hope.

50:17 Adam Because hope, if you don't have hope, you don't have your dreams. And Adam, if you don't have dreams.

50:21 Drew I don't even know what they're talking about. Restore. Here's the guy I would vote for. The guy I would vote for is the guy that got up there and said, look, we live in a pretty damn good country. And it's better than all the other ones, but there's plenty of room for improvement. And by the way, let's look at the competition. By the way, Mexico, Iraq, give me a break. Special Olympics of countries, by the way. All right, but we can't compare ourselves to these other crappy countries. We can do a lot better. We can do a lot better than what we got. And here's what I've looked around, been around for like 50 years. Here's what I've seen. There's about three to 8% of the citizens of this country effing it up for everybody. Here's my plan. We're gonna stamp out those five to 10% of society, and then it's gonna be utopia.

51:03 Adam Not stamp out, but just not listen to them. Just stamp out, support them, give them what they need, but not let them control everybody else.

51:08 Drew We're gonna, yeah, whatever. We don't care what they have to say, but no, I mean stamp out. I'm talking about the multiple frivolous lawsuit broad, you know, the crazy, you know, the guy's not paying his taxes or he's not taking his kids or the mom with 19 kids, she's on welfare, she keeps crapping out the kids. We're gonna focus on these people. You guys who want to blow a little reefer, roll through a four way stop, pay your taxes. We won't, we'll stay. You mind your own beeswax, we'll mind ours. Here's the deal, small percentage of people around the world, your Benny Ladinson company, will be going after them. Small percentage of the welfare moms with the 20 kids, or the serial killers, or the pedophiles, very small percentage, by the way, will be going after them, okay? That's our plan. And it's not gonna affect you guys. You wanna drink beer out of a glass bottle at a ball game? Fine, you wanna throw it out on the field? The guy who throws it out on the field is gonna get arrested. Not the guy who sold him the beer bottle. He doesn't get arrested, he's just a beer vendor. The guy who chucks it out on the field and whacks a ball girl in the head, he goes to jail. We all don't have to drink beer out of a plastic bottle like we're idiots because one guy one year chucked a bottle out there. That's what we're gonna do. That's what we're gonna, we're gonna, but we're coming down hard on the A-hole who's effing it up for everyone else. We're not gonna tolerate it. That's it. It's like we're on a big lifeboat. Someone wants to hog all the provisions and then take a leak on the bread. No, no, he's getting thrown in the ocean. That's what it is. It's a huge lifeboat. We gotta survive. We only have enough provisions for X amount of time, whatever. Everyone's got a row. They have to take their turn fishing. They have to take their turn tending to the needed. And then we got one guy who says, no, no, I'm eating everything. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, no, eat your ration. No, no, I don't want my ration. I'm eating more. Oh, no, well, you got to fish, too. No, I'm not fishing. No, I'm not tending to the sick. No, I'm going to eat everyone else's ration. And I'm going to take a leak in the canteen. That's what I'm going to do. That guy gets tossed in the ocean. That's it. And anyone else? Any other questions? No, no, I didn't think so. Sit down. That's the society I want to live in. And people are like, well, what if he can't stop? I don't care then. Oh, but what if there's problems that he had? His parents didn't love him, so he has to whiz him in the canteen? Toss him in the ocean.

53:38 Adam We can, no, we can support and take care of guys at that, but we can't let them determine how the rest of the boat's going to function.

53:45 Drew Yeah, okay. So now, here's the thing. Everyone has to have a special cap on their canteen because the one guy, and we got to fight with it every time we want to.

53:53 Adam We'd be fine with that. It's a group of guys on the boat, they're going to make it your responsibility that anything this guy does is your problem. Your problem, your fault. You don't have the right cap on the canteen. That's why he peed in it. It's your fault. We're going to sue you. We're going to throw you off the boat.

54:09 Drew Yes.

54:09 Adam We're throwing you off the boat. You don't have the right cap on your own canteen.

54:11 Drew I agree with you, but I, as a guy who whizzes and sinks, by the way, not canteens, am tired of struggling with my cap.

54:20 Adam I'm just saying, those guys, they're going to make sure that you put that cap on or else go after you.

54:24 Drew I want them tossed in the ocean, too. And oh, we got to go after Kevorkian. We got to go after Woody Harrelson.

54:32 Adam And it just, please, did you see the 2020 couple nights ago about the prostitution ring run by the mother and her daughter and granddaughter?

54:40 Drew I wish I'd seen it.

54:41 Adam Yeah. And again, well, that judge had the good sense to go, doesn't the FBI have better things to do than to break this up? It takes you a year to break this up, chase and spend millions of dollars.

54:51 Drew Please, please, please, please. That's the other thing, which is here's the whole thing. It's all about homeland security. It's all about safety. And whether that threat comes from within or from without, whatever it is, someone wants to physically do anything to you, they're in trouble. Guy wants to grow a pot plant, his window box, I don't care. That's it. That's how it works.

55:12 Adam It's kind of like we need a new sort of priority, standard, yeah, a new, because I think people would basically agree. That's the whole thing.

55:22 Drew Who would not agree with, we want a guy who might do physical violence to you, put behind the bar, put behind bars. A guy wants to grow a pot plant in his yard. We don't care so much about him. Who's going to argue with that? Guy wants to visit a prostitute, don't care as much about him. I'm not saying it's a good thing. I'm not saying society should turn to a bunch of johns and prostitutes. I'm only saying in terms of focusing, let's focus on the guy who's planning the carjacking. Let's focus on the terrorist. Let's not put all the resources into the mon-pa prostitution ring. Let's focus on getting some guys who speak the language and we can start busting some of these terrorists. That's all. Let's just focus on that. Who's going to argue with that? Why does someone have to pipe up? And why when someone pipes up do we have to listen? Just tell them to shut up.

56:11 Adam That's the part that's missing.

56:13 Drew Oh, you idiots. And believe me, I've had a job here for years. I get a letter from every pussy across the country. I got GLAAD. Write me letters. I got the Scientologist writing. I got GLAAD. Oh, you got GLAAD. I got Scientologist. Every group there is that represents every minority group in the world has written me, like, just shut up. Don't care. And by the way, you tell them to shut up, guess what? They go away. You reply and you apologize. You get another letter because that's all they're interested in doing. That's right. Please, everyone, stop writing letters. Stop with the lawsuits. Stop complaining. Just go to work and take care of your kids and shut up.

56:50 Adam Only you should be complaining.

56:52 Drew Yeah.

56:53 Adam Everyone else stop.

56:53 Drew I'm a professional.

56:54 Adam Complainer.

56:56 Drew Chris, how much you paying taxes last year, buddy? Nothing. Let's do multiple choice. Nothing, 50 cents or one dollar? Nothing.

57:07 Adam Wait, no, wait, no. That would be fair. He's paid some sales taxes.

57:10 Drew Oh, sales taxes.

57:11 Adam Some gasoline taxes. Of course. Where else might he pay some taxes?

57:17 Drew That's it.

57:18 Adam All right.

57:19 Drew Are you ready to rock?

57:19 Adam Here we go.

57:20 Drew Where are we going? Let's break it down. Let's break it down.

57:24 Adam Josh.

57:26 Drew Hello. Twenty-two. What's up?

57:28 First off, I just wanted to say I've been listening to you guys since like eighth grade. You rock when Adam, you wanted to create your own town called Boothville.

57:37 Drew Yeah.

57:38 Adam When he was, when he declared himself philosopher warrior.

57:41 Drew I'm thinking about moving back to Boothville. I got some acreage in Plentywood, Montana.

57:48 Adam I'll come over.

57:48 I'll handle anything you need.

57:51 Drew Thank you. What's up, Josh?

57:53 You guys are talking about abortion rights and all that stuff with the different candidates. But I wanted to know what you guys thought about stem cell research as far as the different parties go.

58:06 Drew Yeah. Well, it's turned into quite a political hotbed, this hot topic, this stem cell research. I don't think it's as cut and dry as everyone says. No, it isn't. Drew, you're the doctor. But here's the thing. I got to talk. I think, first off, it's promising. It's interesting. It should definitely be looked into. We shouldn't let religion just sort of get in and I don't like Bush and all this Bible thumping and all this kind of stuff. On the other hand, we don't need the state or the government funding it, per se. I believe there might be money in it and we should let companies look into it.

58:43 Adam But the question is, what do you do with embryonic tissue that is sort of leftover? We haven't decided what to do with it. Does that mean every fertilized... I mean, Ann's got a bunch of fertilized eggs sitting over at the fertility office.

58:55 Drew I know. Actually-

58:57 Adam 15 of them or something.

58:58 Drew Well, she's down to 11 now. I ate four of them. She put them in the fridge over at 93.1, during the mini kitchen over there. She didn't mark them. You got to write your name. You got to use a Sharpie and write your name on it. I thought they-

59:11 Adam I know she was a little edgy, but I didn't know why.

59:14 Drew I ate them.

59:16 Adam But the fact is that there's a lot of leftover embryos from fertility treatment, and then no one has decided what to do with them. Is it going to be philosophically the case that we will have to turn every one of those into a human? Is that what we're saying?

59:28 Drew What do you mean turn them into a human?

59:29 Adam And that's what the argument is, that we have to, we can't destroy them. Oh, I see. We have to let them.

59:33 Drew That's what the rights argument is.

59:35 Adam Right. And or if these things are going to never become a human, because the argument is if there's a potential life, we have an obligation to protect them.

59:44 Drew You can't play God.

59:45 Adam You can't play God. But it's a good argument.

59:48 Drew I know, but listen, these are the same, these guys' grandparents were arguing that lung and heart transplants gave you the soul of somebody else in the fifties and sixties.

1:00:00 Adam It has some of that same quality to these discussions. But the fact is we need to decide what to do with these embryos. They're probably not going to become humans. If they're not going to become humans, that tissue could be put to great use in research. But the cells are going to be available from other countries. So why can't we at least just do the research here? Does that make us immoral for you cells that other people are using?

1:00:23 My point is why is it that it's not at all possible with even cells from other places, not necessarily in our country?

1:00:31 Adam Right. I'm with you.

1:00:34 Drew Here's the thing, though. I don't think it's the panacea like, oh, well, Christopher Reeves would be alive today.

1:00:41 Adam No way.

1:00:42 Drew Well, I think people make it too easy on themselves, which is this is going to cure paralysis.

1:00:48 Adam The research is being done all over the world. This is not the only country where the research can be done. It's being done everywhere, and it's not going anywhere. It's really not going anywhere. It may get somewhere eventually, but...

1:00:57 Drew It would be nice to pursue it, and it would be nice. By the way, and I think you're the same as I am, which is, listen, your own personal beliefs are fine, your own religion, your own god, whoever you got, but you shut up when it comes to society. You're pragmatic, and you move forward scientifically, and it's like not sending a rocket to outer space, because we're offend God, you know.

1:01:22 Adam But this is a philosophical discussion that's not religiously based.

1:01:26 Drew It is.

1:01:26 Adam If you can use these embryos.

1:01:28 Drew All those against it are religious.

1:01:30 Adam But hang on, if you could use these embryos for however you please, then you could argue in favor of abortive medication.

1:01:37 Drew Slippery slop.

1:01:38 Adam Well, it's totally consistent, it's not slippery slop, you'd have to say, well, it's okay then to let a fertilized egg not implant, which is not what the morning after pill does, by the way. It's not how it works. And so for me, I kind of want to protect that territory because I don't want that morning after pill to be attacked on yet another front. You know what I mean?

1:01:56 Drew Yeah.

1:01:56 Adam So I don't know.

1:01:57 Drew All right. Well, look, you're obviously a man of science, but first a man of passion. Passionate man. Not about science, ironically, but about broads. All right. Chris, nothing in taxes, not yet.

1:02:10 Adam Right. Sales tax, though. At least a buck and a half in sales tax.

1:02:16 Drew Yeah, when he bought the How to Cheat the Government book.

1:02:18 Adam Wait, you got a note to access, yeah.

1:02:20 Drew You're in Iraq?

1:02:21 Adam Yeah.

1:02:21 Drew All right, we'll go to Christine. All right, so stem cell, we're for it. Don't think you should be fundamentally opposed to it. On the other hand, not like Christopher Reeves would have popped out of his wheelchair and started dancing like the creepy Magic Mountain guy because of this. Don't kid yourselves. Many, many years off.

1:02:40 Adam I hear that to women, by the way.

1:02:41 Drew But we need, we need to, oh, really? Scarier. We need to move forward at all scientific endeavors and that whole slippery slope thing, we'll cross that slippery slope when we get to it. Christine, you're 21.

1:02:54 Caller Yep.

1:02:54 Drew What's up?

1:02:57 Caller Well, the situation is on Friday, my boyfriend had sex and the condom broke. So the next morning, I went to take the morning after pill, but I'd never have to, I've never had to do that before and I didn't, I actually don't really know much about it. And I'm wondering, you know, is it a hundred percent effective? And if it's not, how soon can I take a pregnancy test?

1:03:18 Adam That's about, it's about 90%, 80, between 80 and 90% in the time range in which you took it. So it's pretty good. Where were you on your cycle?

1:03:27 Caller Well, see, that's the kind of other thing I was worried about. I think my period was late and I was wondering maybe if I was pregnant already, because I know condoms aren't 100% effective.

1:03:39 Adam Well, you can go ahead and take a pregnancy test now and take it again in a week.

1:03:42 Drew So you'd been using the condoms before this?

1:03:45 Adam Yeah.

1:03:45 Caller Yeah, of course.

1:03:47 Adam If they don't break and they don't slip off, and he usually puts it on properly, they're very good.

1:03:53 Drew I use repurposed ones from a gay bar.

1:03:56 Adam That's not so good. Yeah. Repurposing condoms, not a great plan.

1:03:59 Drew Well, you save money where you can.

1:04:01 Adam You got to do what you got to do, but I wouldn't go for that plan. But Christine, you did exactly the right thing. This is in the past how the condom would fail. You rip it and do it during your ovulation phase and that'd be that. But now you can prevent the ovulation from occurring with the morning after pill. All right.

1:04:18 Drew Well, good times.

1:04:19 Adam Good times, huh?

1:04:20 Drew Yeah. Then again, you don't have to hear it from us. Maxine Waters is exalting the virtues of it. You ready to go? Let's go. Let's rock. Sherry? 26? Yeah.

1:04:32 Hi.

1:04:32 Drew What's up, baby doll?

1:04:34 I have a couple of questions. I have actually some questions for Drew, by the way. You guys are wonderful. I've been listening to you guys for so many years now.

1:04:44 Drew Thank you.

1:04:45 This is the first time I've called in, so I'm kind of nervous.

1:04:49 Drew Don't be. You're fine.

1:04:51 Adam You live in San Francisco. You got nothing to worry about. Beautiful over there.

1:04:55 Drew Beautiful. You got that part.

1:04:56 Nice part.

1:05:01 Adam I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home.

1:05:03 Drew The BART.

1:05:04 Adam Taking from the airport.

1:05:05 It's actually, they just finished that last year.

1:05:10 Adam Except I ate on the train, I realized as I went back, there was no food anywhere. I wonder why people were staring at me.

1:05:16 Caller Oh, really?

1:05:17 Drew BART is the Bay Area.

1:05:20 Adam Rapid Transit.

1:05:20 Drew Rapid Transit, yeah. I would have argued for the Frisco area rapid transit myself. I would have been great just to be in on that meeting.

1:05:32 Adam Just San Francisco area rapid transit.

1:05:35 Drew Frisco.

1:05:36 Adam The S-FART would be good.

1:05:37 Drew S-FART would be nice. S-FART would be nice.

1:05:39 Adam S-FART.

1:05:41 Drew Yeah, believe me, I'm sure they started with San Francisco. Oh, what about the Frisco? Herb, can you do the math, please? Everyone else? Okay, we'll give you 10 minutes. All right, good. Now we're back to Bay. I would ride the FART. All right, so anyway, you're in the Bay area and your question is? Actually, it's for Drew. By the way, it took Drew 20 minutes to get to- Frisco area, rampant, I got it. I saw you spinning for a while.

1:06:08 Adam For a couple of beats.

1:06:09 Drew Yeah, a couple of beats. Lifetime. Go ahead, Sherry. Sorry.

1:06:13 That's okay. I have a question regarding counseling. I'm I've been doing counseling for depression and some other things.

1:06:24 Adam What are the things?

1:06:26 A whole slew of things. My husband cheated on me with somebody from the Midwest. Yeah, it was great.

1:06:37 Adam Somebody he knew from college or something? How did he meet someone from the Midwest?

1:06:41 We are part of a theater organization that we travel places. We're both national and international coordinators for it. He traveled to the Midwest and met up with this person.

1:06:56 Adam So during one of his travels, he cheated?

1:06:59 Drew Yeah. It's got to be quite a slap in the face from a gal from the Bay Area to him. He was from the middle of the country. All right, so this is your ex-husband?

1:07:10 Caller No.

1:07:10 Drew Still together?

1:07:12 Caller We are still together.

1:07:13 Drew But angry.

1:07:15 I'm very angry.

1:07:16 Drew Was this a one-time thing, the cheating?

1:07:19 This happened twice. Once when he went home to Baltimore and had my daughter with him. And once when he went to the Midwest.

1:07:28 Adam All right, so what's the question?

1:07:31 I obviously I'm depressed.

1:07:34 Adam Yeah, I gotta ask more questions before you go on. Your daughter is not his daughter?

1:07:39 Oh, no, it is his daughter.

1:07:41 Adam And how old were you when you guys got married?

1:07:45 We got married three years ago. She's two.

1:07:47 Adam Okay, so go ahead. Your question?

1:07:49 No problem. Is it normal for a counselor after talking to you for 20 minutes to basically say, you need to be on drugs? I, that, this person, one of the...

1:08:02 Adam Yes, it does. Think about how long, if a psychiatrist...

1:08:05 Drew To have normal should be more like five or 10 minutes.

1:08:07 Adam Yeah, if a psychiatrist were to see you, he or she would evaluate you for about 10 minutes and then make that decision, make a diagnostic decision. That's how you're trained. The therapist may not be right, you have to see a doctor, but the therapist should know very quickly whether or not they need psychiatric consultation.

1:08:24 Drew Yeah, and by the way, I don't know, you have to be on drugs, as I'm sure not what they said. But obviously it's a slap in the face.

1:08:34 His words were, I recommend that you get on this medication and I'm uncomfortable with medication. I never think that's an answer.

1:08:43 Drew All right, well, don't do it. But be prepared to be depressed.

1:08:47 Adam It's not an answer, but if you are having difficulty functioning or you're thinking about harming yourself, it has the potential to save life.

1:08:53 Drew Well, also too, it's like you ask the question by being depressed. It's not like the guy kicked in your front door and said, you know, I'm going to force this medication down your throat. You've had depression for a while, so you wanted to seek an answer for it.

1:09:09 Adam Sherry, here's the good news. All the literature shows clearly that the best outcomes are with medication and therapy. And if you're serious enough depressed that somebody's willing to risk putting you on medication and you made criteria in relatively short order, that means you need to be on medication, all probability for your safety and your ability to keep functioning.

1:09:30 Drew I'll tell you what, Sherry, what's wrong? Why don't you give it a try? Maybe it'll work for you.

1:09:35 I'm willing to. I just, that just seems wrong. I don't know. I've...

1:09:39 Drew All right, well, don't do it.

1:09:40 Adam Well, anyway, stay with the therapy is important. The two work together. And the medicine will not... You won't have to stay up for a long time if you do your work in therapy. The fact that you stayed with a guy that's cheated twice and that you married a guy that cheats that quickly in spite of having a kid, I mean, there's something really going on here, Sherry. You got to look into it.

1:09:56 Drew Yeah, there's issues. And also, I was sitting around with a bunch of guys eating dinner last night. Everyone's on Lipitor.

1:10:03 Adam Oh, really?

1:10:04 Drew Yeah, everyone's got high cholesterol. Yeah, my age, yeah.

1:10:08 Adam Crazy.

1:10:09 Drew I was announced, by the way, when everyone tells me how high their cholesterol is. I know it's shocking. All they do is eat red meat and they don't exercise. It's shocking. But, you know, Drew says I can eat when I want. I always boldly announce that. But here's the thing. Everyone could get off the drug if they would just eat salads and do tons of exercise. The problem is they don't do that. No, they like carne asada and they like TiVo. So they choose to take the Lipitor and maybe balance their diet a little bit and get some moderate exercise.

1:10:39 Adam Or, by the way, the same guy, you can give him a year or two to lose the weight and get the exercise going and then take him off the Lipitor. In the meantime, he's obviated the danger by taking the medicine. Taking some risk with the medicine, admittedly. I'm not saying medicines are great.

1:10:53 Drew No free lunches in nature.

1:10:55 Adam None. But Lipitor in particular, I've had to take all my patients off Lipitor.

1:10:59 Drew Really?

1:10:59 Adam Because of the muscle aching and stuff they get.

1:11:02 Drew They get like out of their period. But let me say this about people. Now, this is what people do with things to lower their cholesterol. They make a trade-off. I would say the same in many ways. Quiet. Quite. For Drew as nodding and agreeing at the same time. Yeah, with some of these drugs. You want to go to therapy full-time. You want to quit your stressful job. You want to move away from your husband. You want to start doing a couple hours of tantric sex and yoga every morning. Yeah, you probably wouldn't need this drug. The problem is you're not going to do that. You're staying with your husband. You're staying with your hectic job. You're living in the city. You're doing the thing. So you got to take the drug. Do it with some therapy. But yeah, you don't need to if you just moved out to a dude ranch in Santa Lotus position. But you're not going to do that. Just like the guy eating the Lipitor is not going to start eating greens. Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

1:11:58 Adam Agreed.

1:11:59 Drew We got to take a break. Jill, 30. What's up?

1:12:05 I've been listening to your show for years and I love you guys a lot. But I have to comment on your voter apathy tonight. I think that a lot of young people listen to your show. And this is the eve of the presidential election. It's a very important election. And I just, you know, the media is a powerful tool. You guys have your opinions and I understand that. But I mean, you know, Adam, you said our vote doesn't mean crap. I just can't agree with that.

1:12:35 Adam No, you said there's more important things you wish people could do.

1:12:37 Drew More important things you can do.

1:12:38 I agree that there are important things out there. But I mean, you know, a lot of young people don't vote. And I think they're one of the more important parts of the society that can vote.

1:12:47 Drew Not really. Not really. No, you don't know Ace when you're 19. You just don't. When you're 19, you don't know anything.

1:12:55 Caller Well, you do know something. You can learn something.

1:12:57 Drew Listen, I wouldn't want anyone who's 19 flying an airplane. I wouldn't want them running the country. I wouldn't want them taking care of my taxes. You find a thing you want a 19-year-old doing. Besides going to junior college playing hacky sack.

1:13:09 Caller You stand behind the morning after pill. I mean, if everybody, you know, a lot of people who listen to your show agree with you. I agree with you. So, I mean, if people listen to your show, you know, I think those are people that I want to have out there voting because they're actually going to think, you know, and it's, I mean, we are in a democracy. We need to be able to vote, and our vote is important.

1:13:28 Drew And if you listen, I'm great. Quiet down. I agree that people should vote. I'm fine with that.

1:13:33 Adam We're not telling people not to vote. That's for sure.

1:13:36 Drew I don't understand why this is the most important election ever.

1:13:40 Adam We're just trying to tone down the rhetoric that's out there.

1:13:44 Caller For example, okay, there's a bunch of guys that are on the Supreme Court and they're about ready to retire. One of them just had some kind of heart problem, the head of the William Reinkwist or whatever. Okay. Yeah. So whoever's going to replace them, whoever's going to be next, is going to be replacing that guy. And it's already pretty close, 50-50, between Democrats and Republicans. So, you know, say the carry gets in there. Well, carry is going to put somebody in the Supreme Court who's going to be, you know, have at least be more liberal or be more Democratic.

1:14:15 Drew He's going to be the guy who says that the guy's on death row for killing eight people doesn't have to submit DNA samples so we can clear a bunch of other cases off the books. I don't want that guy in there.

1:14:25 Caller So the thing is, it's like we're really close to, you know...

1:14:28 Adam Yeah, so you say...

1:14:29 Drew I don't necessarily want that guy in there.

1:14:31 Adam The problem is, Jill, you're... you may be encouraging a lot of people to vote and they vote for Bush.

1:14:37 Caller Well, you know what, that's okay, too, because, you know, we need to have more people vote.

1:14:42 Drew Now, we don't need, what, 100 million people, not enough? We need more?

1:14:45 Caller Yeah, because, I mean, there's already a small amount of people who vote.

1:14:49 Drew No, not really. 100 million people is a large group, any way you slice it.

1:14:54 Caller If more people voted, then we wouldn't have so many problems as many problems with this country. There are other countries where people don't have the right where the government...

1:15:09 Adam Philosophically, they should exercise their right.

1:15:11 Drew By the way, we can't judge those other countries because it's a cultural thing, and who are we to judge? But, by the way, okay, here's all I'm saying.

1:15:22 Caller They're going to overturn it if we get...

1:15:23 Drew Yeah, that's right. I know. Back-alley abortions. We're moments away from back-alley abortions. We've been moments away from back-alley abortions for 35 years.

1:15:32 Caller Well, if those people out there aren't standing up for the morning after pill, for example, then it could happen.

1:15:37 Drew Yeah, I wish I could agree, but it's not that easy.

1:15:42 Caller You kind of agree, though.

1:15:43 Drew Listen, I'm all for the morning after pill, and I'm part Republican and part Democrat. I don't really like either one of them, to tell you the truth. Bush, Kerry, I don't care which one of them. I don't like either one of them, per se. And I'm not going to buy into the hysteria that the country's going to go off the edge of the Earth if Bush gets another term. I'm just not. We'll take ourselves a little break. How about we focus on young people not cheating on tests? It would be a better society if they didn't cheat in college. That's a problem. How about that? Would you rather have them vote, or would you rather have a 19-year-old vote?

1:16:20 Adam Here's my question. How can they tell the outcomes of election through taking a sample of a couple thousand people if every vote counts? You know what I mean?

1:16:29 Drew Everyone close their eyes and answer the question, what do you want a 19-year-old doing? Do you want him flying your plane? Do you want him representing you in court?

1:16:38 Adam Look at the clock, guys.

1:16:39 Drew We've got to take a break. We'll be back after this. Talking election tonight. I was talking to Drew in the hallway.

1:17:06 Adam About Halloween?

1:17:07 Drew About Halloween. I want to talk about that for a second. I couldn't get to it last night with that crazy psychic in here stealing all my chi. So we'll talk tonight about it. First off, so I brought up last night. You were hamburger meat. Didn't get to much of it. But this idea of bringing the kids candy into the hospital to have it x-rayed. A few thoughts on x-raying candy. One, sounds like a myth. Don't know what actually happened. But when I was a kid, they would do that. They would go, local hospitals will x-ray. You can bring your candy in the x-ray. And I always thought, boy, that's going to be hell for the guy who just got in a horrible motorcycle accident.

1:17:46 Adam He was waiting for the candy to be x-rayed?

1:17:48 Drew What's going on? I got a femur sticking out of my thigh. Yeah, kids got a Snickers, a Mars, an AbaZav. I got a fish. AbaZav is getting a mammogram, actually. And by the way, talk about freaking the kids out. No, no, no. Don't eat that. People are trying to poison you.

1:18:04 Adam People are trying to kill you. Do not take fruit because they found razor blades.

1:18:10 Drew Candy apples.

1:18:10 Adam Razor blades and apples. That was the big thing.

1:18:13 Drew And by the way, let's examine the strategy of putting a razor blade and a candy apple. By the way, what percentage of houses are giving out candy apples? 80%? Do you just come home with a huge sack of candy apples?

1:18:27 Adam And you have no idea who would have given you the apple with the razor blades. I figured that out.

1:18:31 Drew How long does it take the cops to do the razor blade math? They're not dropping them from a crop duster. They're handing them out. Oh, you got a razor blade?

1:18:41 Adam Yeah. Urban myth. It never even happened.

1:18:45 Drew I don't think so.

1:18:46 Adam But my parents were, it was going to happen to us.

1:18:49 Drew You got to get the candy x-rayed. But I was thinking, talk about freaking a kid out. Just don't eat. No, no, no. We're going to get an x-rayed. We're going to x-ray the candy, which means now you're eating a radiated candy. Well, a kid, no, he was fine. He died of Hodgkin's just eight months later.

1:19:07 Adam Candy was clean. He had never been a razor.

1:19:11 Drew He had already died.

1:19:13 Adam How many people know somebody who got their tongue cut on a razor because it was in food given to them by somebody else? Anybody? One in a million? One hundred million? One in two hundred million?

1:19:24 Drew No. And I just thought, just emotionally, what does that do to your kids? There's people out there who want to kill you, Timmy. That's what they're doing. And so we got to check everything. And you know, when you get your Easter basket, we're getting an explosive sniffing dog to check that out. And by the way... It may be a bomb. It may be a bomb.

1:19:43 Adam By the way, where are you going trick-or-treating? In your neighborhood?

1:19:46 Drew No.

1:19:46 Adam Or at the airport or something?

1:19:47 Drew No, you're going to Beirut.

1:19:48 Adam You're going in your neighborhood?

1:19:49 Drew You're going in your neighborhood. Yeah, but there's that nice old lady at the end of the street.

1:19:53 Adam She puts razor blades in the candy.

1:19:55 Drew Well, we don't know if she does it. She didn't say she didn't. Did she say she didn't put razor blades?

1:20:01 Adam She always looked nasty when she drove out of the driveway. Yeah.

1:20:03 Drew Let me ask you something. Let's just say you did. First off, let's say you're able to get a razor blade into an apple without being detected. I don't know how you do it. I think you have to grow the apple around the razor blade. You take the young seedling. This is what maniacs do. They take that old lady. There's an apple tree in her backyard. She gets a young seedling. I've seen this. She used to work in a liquor store. They would do this. That's how they would grow pears in these bottles for these liqueurs. They would actually put the bottle under the little sapling there. The thing would grow. The bud would grow inside the bottle. That's awesome. I've got to buy some of that. Anyway, that's how they build ships and bottles. They grow the ship inside the bottle. My medicine. So, what you do, you take the little apple bud and you put the razor blade on it. You do it such a way where the apple grows around it and engulfs it. By the way, do you swallow the razor blade then when you're eating? I mean, there's a pretty good chance.

1:20:55 Adam We'll ask some of the people who did this.

1:20:56 Drew Because there's millions of them, isn't there? You're probably not going to get the business side of the razor. But even if you did, there's a good chance you might get a little abrasion on your lip or something. It's not going to ingest it, are you? No. Swallow it. You eat them whole? What are you, like a wild pig? You're nine. You take a little parakeet bites. You don't even get to the center part of an apple when you're a kid. By the way, you just lick the caramel nuts off it and you toss it.

1:21:24 Adam Yeah.

1:21:25 Drew Yeah. Ready to rock here, Drew?

1:21:27 Adam Here we go.

1:21:31 Drew All right.

1:21:31 Adam Yeah.

1:21:32 Drew Oh, so here's what I found out when I was doing a little research for Kimmel last week. So I said to my boy, my boy, he's 32, I said, I said, look, I said, ab-ba-zab, I said, what's that? Ooh. I said, ab-ba-zab, it's, it's, it's, you know, it's got the...

1:21:52 Adam Don't tell me it doesn't exist.

1:21:54 Drew It's got the taffy, it's got the peanut butter in it. Yeah, it's perfect. He said...

1:21:57 Adam Delicious.

1:21:58 Drew He said, no, no, I never, never heard of that one.

1:22:00 Adam Got the yellow and white wrapper?

1:22:01 Drew The yellow one, it looks like a checkered cab. I said, I ate one today, by the way. You forgot how good an ab-ba-zab was.

1:22:07 Adam I thought you were going to tell me they weren't around.

1:22:09 Drew You forgot how good they were. So I said, anyway, I said, oh, guys, 32, I said, help me write some stuff. I said, no, I don't know what ab-ba-zab is, never heard of it.

1:22:19 Adam Oh, my God.

1:22:20 Drew I said, wow, that's weird. I just thought everyone, I thought it was like Snickers bar, like everyone knows a Clark bar, everyone knows what it is. Peanut butter cup. No, never heard of it. I said, wow, that's weird. So I go to Kimmel and I'm sitting at the table with all the writers and these guys, a lot of them are Ivy League guys.

1:22:39 Adam Yeah.

1:22:40 Drew Not emotionally. Emotionally they're 11.

1:22:43 Adam I've seen them.

1:22:44 Drew But from an educational standpoint, very educated guys and they're comedy writers. These guys know exactly who you're talking about all the time and whatever you're talking about. You want to talk about late night commercials, you want to bring up a Hannah Shigula's name. They know she's a Hungarian actress, you know, they just, that's what they do. As a comedy writer, you know everything. I said, Abba Zabba, less than half the table knew what Abba Zabba was. Average age, 42.

1:23:12 Adam Bring them in and make them all eat them?

1:23:14 Drew No, someone brought it in later and let me eat them. But the point is, is then I started thinking, well, what is this? Is this a regional thing? Now there are people from New York who knew what it was, but it wasn't, so is it not that popular?

1:23:30 Adam No, it's never been a big seller. But it's always been around.

1:23:34 Drew Well, first up, let's look at it this way, Drew. You know what it is.

1:23:37 Adam I know what it is.

1:23:38 Drew By the way, if I told any of these people at the table that Dr. Drew knew, something would have been...

1:23:42 Adam They'd be ashamed.

1:23:44 Drew No, no. They would fall on a sharpened stick and they would take the Abba Zabba, they would carve it into a point and it would just fall on. I should have done it. Dr. Drew knows something. Yeah. Hey, a reference? You guys don't know. You kill yourself.

1:23:57 Adam Abba Zabba liked them when I was growing up.

1:24:00 Drew Yeah.

1:24:02 Adam Always thought, what the hell's with this name? Who, who, what, who, what?

1:24:07 Drew Is it a regional thing?

1:24:08 Adam No. It's all over the place. All over the place.

1:24:10 Drew Why don't all these super smart people know Abba Zabba?

1:24:14 Adam I don't think anybody eats them. It's a strange, first of all, no advertising, no marketing.

1:24:18 Drew Again, you know what they are.

1:24:20 Adam I ate them.

1:24:21 Drew This is just, this is really just to break it down.

1:24:23 Adam You know, some things just happen as a matter of coincidence.

1:24:26 Drew Uh-oh. Engineer Chris, now you're from out here.

1:24:28 Adam Yes.

1:24:29 Drew Yes. Abba Zabba?

1:24:30 Adam Yes. You know what one is? You had one. You had one. Like back in the day when I was in baseball and stuff.

1:24:36 Drew You know what they are?

1:24:37 Yeah.

1:24:37 Drew Okay.

1:24:37 Definitely.

1:24:38 Drew Oh, by the way. Once I... Now, by the way, this is the one-two punch. Here's what's going to be at the writer's table tomorrow with Kimmel. Bad news for those of you who don't know what Abba Zabba is. Not only is Dr. Drew the man who's never heard of anything, know what it is and know it well. Engineer Chris, oh dear lord. Oh dear lord. And the people just having to putting pistols in their mouths, reaching, taking their shoes off to get to the shotgun trigger just blowing a lot of pow, pow, pow. It should be carnage, just the heads blowing every direction. Wow, that's going to be brutal, wait till I drop that bomb on.

1:25:12 Adam Patrick, I used to use them to get my teeth out on my head. Oh yeah, that's great. See, they're hard. I wonder if some people don't like them or they're not as chocolate candy. Everything's chocolate.

1:25:25 Drew Stop making excuses. We all know the Abba Zabba well.

1:25:31 Adam I think it's a rarely consumed candy though. It needs to be, listen, we need to go on a campaign.

1:25:36 Drew None of us own an Ikea, but we know the car. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm thinking it's a regional thing now. Maybe they don't have it in the middle of the country or the East Coast. We don't have squirrel nut zippers out here.

1:25:50 Adam Yes, that's true.

1:25:51 Drew Which I hear are good. I just got the word nut and squirrel and zipper in it. It makes me want some. All right, well, everyone, do yourselves a favor, dig into that Abba Zabba. Ate one today, enjoyed the hell out of it. No, the F out of it.

1:26:06 Adam As long as we're selling things, by the way, please buy my book and paperback if you haven't read it. It cracked. I really put a lot into that. I'm thinking I'm going to come up with another one, similar.

1:26:16 Drew Keep it to yourself. Yeah.

1:26:19 Hello, Adam and Drew.

1:26:20 Drew What's happening?

1:26:21 How are you? Calling from New York.

1:26:23 Drew New York, do you know the Abba Zabba?

1:26:26 Never heard of the Abba Zabba.

1:26:27 Adam Ooh.

1:26:28 Drew See, Drew? Maybe, maybe.

1:26:30 Caller Haven't heard of it there either.

1:26:32 Drew Say again?

1:26:32 Adam You lived in the West.

1:26:33 Drew I lived in the West.

1:26:34 Caller And I haven't heard of it there either.

1:26:36 Drew All right, Drew, see, I'm thinking regional.

1:26:38 Adam Yeah, you could be right.

1:26:39 Drew Now, think of it like you and engineer Chris know something. A guy went to Brown, he grew up in Massachusetts, doesn't know.

1:26:45 Adam The evidence is accumulating. Yeah, you're right. That's the evidence, right?

1:26:49 Drew You two know something. Together.

1:26:51 Adam So there's got to be an explanation.

1:26:54 Drew There has to be an explanation.

1:26:55 Adam Right. All right.

1:26:56 Drew Thank you. And Anderson, as much as I'd like to throw you in on that list, it's not you.

1:27:00 Adam Anderson knows stuff, yeah.

1:27:02 Drew Yeah, we have problems in different fields, Anderson, but not this one. Thank you.

1:27:07 Adam So what's up, Dan?

1:27:08 Caller Well, my question is, you know, just regarding your election conversation, and I'm sort of praying. I'm a little nervous talking to you guys, because I'm a huge fan.

1:27:17 Drew Please don't be, thank you.

1:27:19 Caller I'm praying that my smoke detector doesn't go off, but...

1:27:21 Adam Ooh, that would be bad. He doesn't know what the Abba Zabba is and his smoke detector trips.

1:27:27 Drew Reginald, go ahead.

1:27:28 Caller Not good. My question is, I guess one of the things that has swayed me towards voting for Kerry on this upcoming election is just looking at George Bush and him sort of being a poster child for the loony sort of right-wing Christian born-again movement. As it makes me extraordinarily uncomfortable, I'm an atheist, but I have a dad who's sort of a recent born-again Christian and he raised us with zero religious influence whatsoever.

1:28:03 Drew He found Jesus like in his 40s or 50s?

1:28:06 Caller Yeah, he found Jesus pretty late. I look at that, I deal with that every week and then I just sort of like, oh, what's happened? My world's falling apart, but just look at Bush and his...

1:28:20 Drew Well, all right, let's hold on a second. We got to take a break. No, let's not. But let's just say this. I'm an atheist. I don't mind someone with faith. I'll go back to an airplane pilot. I don't mind my airplane pilot being a man of faith. I don't have a problem with that. I don't mind those who have a faith. I really don't.

1:28:44 Adam No, the decisions may help people.

1:28:46 Drew I don't like when it starts bleeding into your personal faith prevents you from doing something with stem cell or with morning after pills. That's when we have a problem because now your personal faith has really kind of become.

1:29:13 Adam My faith by proxy in a certain sense, or at least aspect of your faith, credit, and my...

1:29:18 Drew But on the other hand, every president claims to be a man of great faith. It's just with guys like Clinton, they're clearly lying and receiving BJs. So they're sort of hypocrites, which in a way, at least I believe Bush in his faith, Clinton's just a kissin ass, he goes to the all-black church, he tries to suck up a little bit.

1:29:37 Adam I think Bush may be a recovering guy.

1:29:39 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:29:40 Adam But I mean, actually in the program.

1:29:41 Drew Okay. Well, here's my point. I'm not as bothered by it as maybe some people are, and no one's a bigger atheist than me. As long as he can sort of keep it out of, and people might argue, well, he can't. But so far...

1:29:57 Adam Well, if he's a recovering guy, the faith associated with recovery tends to be very personal abstract. It's not an organized religious faith.

1:30:05 Drew I would say keep it to yourself and be pragmatic in your assessments. All right. We'll take a quick break, but I can understand why that's a turnoff. We'll be right back after this. It's Adam.

1:30:24 Adam And I'm Dr. Drew.

1:30:25 Drew Here to talk about Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

1:30:27 Adam Yes, sir.

1:30:28 Drew You spray that on, you give stink the axe. Hey, everybody.

1:30:44 Adam It's Loveline.

1:30:48 Drew Big hunk vs. bit of honey vs. Drew, a passionate man about more than women, evidently Taffy's passionate. He just said very summarily that a bit of honey needed to go away.

1:31:03 Adam No room. You know, passion implies sort of energy around appetites. Yeah.

1:31:08 Drew Yeah, no room in Drew's life for bit of honey, yes? I gotta say this too. I had a bit of honey today. I had, you know, just a silver.

1:31:20 Adam Yeah, they're broken.

1:31:22 Drew Doesn't hold a candle to the Abba's Abba.

1:31:24 Adam Nothing.

1:31:25 Drew Abba's Abba, delicious.

1:31:27 Adam Where'd the name come from Chris? Please, figure that out.

1:31:29 Drew Get on that internet there. All right, here's my prediction. 10 minutes goes by, Chris goes, I found it. Then we go, what? And they go, Abba's Abba's the name.

1:31:38 Adam The name came up in 1937.

1:31:41 Drew Yeah, what, where is it? Where was it? Where was it originated?

1:31:44 Caller There's no official site.

1:31:45 Adam Two B's.

1:31:45 Drew When did it get started?

1:31:47 Adam Two B's?

1:31:47 Drew It's coming, you'll find it. Here we go.

1:31:50 Adam Here we are.

1:31:50 Drew Brian.

1:31:52 Caller Yeah.

1:31:52 Drew 20?

1:31:53 Caller Yep. And by the way, I've heard of an Abba's Abba.

1:31:56 Drew You're from Texas.

1:31:57 Caller I am.

1:31:58 Drew All right, brother, what's up?

1:32:02 Caller I'm having some issues with my sexuality. I consider myself straight, but I'm not too sure.

1:32:12 Drew By the way, always a bad sign when you make that announcement.

1:32:19 Adam Yeah, I've decided, yeah. Myself images that of a straight man.

1:32:23 Drew Yeah, straight guys don't really make proclamations about their sexuality. They're too busy trying to get laid.

1:32:28 Adam Or masturbate.

1:32:30 Drew Ooh, good. Go ahead, Brian.

1:32:34 Caller Well, I tend to enjoy the company and the relationship more of a male companion. But like when it comes to just like raw sexual instinct, I mean, I want, I enjoy Vaseline and course a whole lot.

1:32:51 Adam So what has caused your sort of orientation compass to begin spinning?

1:33:00 Caller I'm not quite sure.

1:33:01 Adam I've dated and been sexually abused. Were you sexually abused growing up or something? Were you sexually abused growing up?

1:33:08 Caller No, not at all.

1:33:09 Adam No inappropriate touching by male or anything of that sort or male peer even, another person your own age? What happened?

1:33:19 Caller Possibly. I mean, nothing that I didn't consider messing around.

1:33:24 Adam Well, messing around is what causes some of these orientation problems in critical periods in development.

1:33:30 Drew There is a 20 year old, let me say this, guys, first off, guys like hanging out with guys more because we're guys, they're guys. It's better to hang out with guys. Look, let's face it, you wanna have sex with a woman and then hang out with a guy. Sometimes at 20, that kind of stuff gets skewed a little bit. It gets a little blurry. And I'm not saying you think about having sex with guys, but you can really have close relationships in guys you envy or idolize. Young boys, they look at Tom Brady, they look at athletes, they look at Shaquille O'Neal or Kobe Bryant. It's a little stronger than hey, he's my buddy.

1:34:14 Adam Right, right.

1:34:16 Drew But that's supposed to start going away.

1:34:18 Adam It should go away in the later teens.

1:34:21 Drew Later teens, and Brian's saying, all right, there's a little confusion, he's hanging on to his. Fine, I wouldn't beat myself up about it, I wouldn't question myself too much about it. On the other hand, don't shut it off if that's the direction you're going.

1:34:34 Adam But you should have some confusion if you were traumatized growing up, and child on child sexual abuse does tend to cause a good deal of confusion. It's not shattering like an adult doing that to you, but it can be problematic.

1:34:47 Drew All right, Engineer Chris, Abba Zabba?

1:34:50 Adam There's just some websites where you can buy it.

1:34:54 Drew We gotta purchase that. All right, let's take a little break. We're just gonna get to the bottom of the Abba Zabba controversy all day after this.

1:35:01 Caller All right, guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

1:35:05 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:35:07 Caller One call's all you need to make.

1:35:08 Adam Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

1:35:15 Caller Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. 1-800-LOVE-1-N-1. Bow wow wow.

1:35:23 Caller This hour brought you a part by Axe.

1:35:25 Adam Experience the Axe Effect.

1:35:37 Drew Well, if we were stoned, we would have eaten a computer by now. Drew's been on some sort of novelty candy website, looking at all the stuff we grew up with.

1:35:45 Adam And yet no history of Ava's Ava.

1:35:47 Drew Can't find the history of it.

1:35:49 Adam The source of the name.

1:35:51 Drew All right, well, we'll be sure not to bring that to you tomorrow. How about that?

1:35:54 Adam We'll forget about that.

1:35:55 Drew All right, so until next time, this Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew is saying, mahalo.

1:36:14 Drew The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, November 1, 2004