Episode 1000653273876

0:57 Voiceover Online is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:21 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, board certified physician. Dishes, dishes, book, book, book. Get it on.

1:32 Drew You like this weather, don't you? You're in such a mood.

1:35 Adam I do, except for my house is leaking like a sieve.

1:39 Drew Oh, no, no, no, no.

1:40 Adam I mean, I actually, it becomes comical when water comes through light fixtures.

1:45 Drew Oh.

1:45 Adam You know, but in the kitchen had the light fixture dripping.

1:49 Drew Is it because there's a new roof?

1:52 Adam This wasn't under a roof, this part. It could use some help. But I mean, you know, it's 80 years old. It's leaking. I'm running around. I hate that. Yeah, I hate it too. So that's good times. And then other than that, I'm digging the weather. But it does, I'll tell you, I'll tell you, the home ownership, a good thing. But when the weather gets really funky and gets creeping, gets weird and wind starts blowing hard, it really just starts storming. You start thinking about trees falling over and stuff's leaking and stuff's backing up and whatever.

2:30 Drew Freaks out a bit.

2:32 Adam It's the one time you want to be in an apartment. You know, like you're in an apartment, you got like three roofs over you. Sure, you can smell the cigarette smoke come from the unit next to you. And the guy's banging the bejesus out of hooker and smacking her forehead up against the paper thin wall.

2:46 Drew But it's good times.

2:46 Adam But you do have that, let it rain. Bring it on. Whatever you got. Meteor. Bring a meteor into the building. I don't care. Then we have a house. It's weird. And then you start getting weird with this stuff. What's going on? We got shut sprinklers. I don't want to see sprinklers are on. You know, it's just kind of that kind of crap. Where's the mail? The mail's getting soaked.

3:05 Drew And then something electronic goes awry. We had our satellite go out. We're possessed. What's going on here? Lost communication with the external world. What should we do?

3:16 Adam Yeah, start panicking. Got to get one of those generators. You hook that generator out. You get that thing hooked up, then the power goes out. You become like the Omega Man. And everyone comes to your place.

3:27 Drew I was thinking about that for just anti-terrorist strategy.

3:31 Adam Smart. They'll never do it.

3:33 Drew All right.

3:34 Adam What are we going to do? We're going to take some calls.

3:36 Drew No, no, no calls. Not tonight.

3:38 Adam What do you mean? You're not the boss of me. I'm going to the phones. I'm going to the phones.

3:43 Drew No, no, no, no.

3:45 Adam I'm going to go to the phones. Lydia? Yes. Want to try for another call? Yes.

3:53 Drew No. Wait. How does that work?

3:57 Adam I think that's yes. No, we're sticking with Lydia. We're going to solve her problem. You're 19. What's up?

4:04 Caller I am. I've been dating the same guy for going on about eight months now. And I guess it was about five and a half months ago. It was very early on in our relationship. I found out that I was pregnant.

4:24 Drew Definitely a Vanderbilt graduate.

4:28 Caller And I don't go to community college.

4:35 Adam Not going to community college. Basically going to no college gives you a leg up from an academic standpoint from those who go to community college. That's how bad community college is. You show me a guy. I would sooner hire a guy who just left high school and wandered around for a few years trying to find himself rather than someone who went to community college. You understand?

4:56 Drew I do understand.

4:59 Adam Is that sad or editorial on community college? That's all you need to know. No school better than this.

5:06 Drew Wow.

5:07 Adam That's bad. Lydia? Sorry. Go ahead.

5:11 Caller So we found out that I was pregnant and we ended up deciding that I would have an abortion. It was more so his decision than mine. But I went with it and had all that done and now it's like five and a half months later and we don't have sex at all and that's by his choice.

5:36 Adam Is it freaked out because of the abortion or should I be paying you back?

5:40 Caller Well, no, because he wanted me to have it.

5:44 He says that he's scared.

5:47 Drew No.

5:47 Caller And that he's like traumatized and he says he does not have sexual thoughts, period. He doesn't masturbate, anything.

5:54 Adam Well, we couldn't hang.

5:55 Drew How old is he?

5:56 Caller He's 23.

5:58 Adam That's right, and Drew's sexual prime. Yes, sorry, Drew.

6:04 Drew Oh, I fed me chili tonight, by the way.

6:07 Adam I mean, your wife fed you chili. Would you baby bird? I didn't want to.

6:12 Drew You could work over Adam tonight with this.

6:14 Adam Okay, that's it. The love affair between the two of us is over. Me and your wife, that is. The bloom is off the road. She's getting it next time I see you. Lydia? How long have you been with the guy?

6:26 Caller About eight months now.

6:28 Adam Eight months?

6:30 Drew Six months ago was the abortion?

6:31 Caller About five and a half, actually.

6:34 Drew Whatever his reason, whatever he's given you, it all adds up to him just not being in this relationship. Whether he's traumatized or whether he's not feeling so, whatever it is, he's just, this isn't working. This is not working.

6:48 Adam And this is sort of like missing work after only being there for a week and a half.

6:53 Drew Yeah.

6:54 Adam Look, if a guy's been there a couple years and been solid and steady, you can give him a couple days. He wants a few days off his second week. Maybe it's time to send him down the road. This is a new relationship and this guy's pulling out.

7:07 Drew Yeah, no.

7:07 Adam That's it. Move forward. And by the way, you'll always have this sort of abortion thing between you.

7:15 Drew Even if he's... Honestly, it is the case that the abortion has traumatized him so much that he can't have a sexual thought, which is, by the way, BS. But let's say it were the case, that's not going to get better. This relationship is not strong enough to withstand that.

7:27 Adam Yeah, yeah. Speaking of abortion, it's great watching TV now because all the kooky ad campaigns for all the propositions are coming up. For me, it's basically... I just watch TV, I know nothing about politics. It seems like there's like 16 propositions and 18 of them are about Indian gaming. It's just Indian gaming. And it's always like Chief Wampum feathers up there. And he's like, for years, our people have said... And then some other guy comes up and talks about... Do you want one of those trams running down your street filled with tourists? That's what it's going to be. It's going to be theme park sized casinos on top of your house.

8:06 Drew In every neighborhood.

8:07 Adam In every neighborhood. And there's now so much BS surrounding everything. I have no idea what's going on anymore. There's a great one where the woman's upstairs and she's crying and she's huddling in the corner with her kid. And she's like, I need an officer to come to the house. Someone has broken in. And they're like, sorry. Because of Prop 711, none of them are coming. You're going to be stabbed to death with that.

8:34 Drew They're trying to scare the public into...

8:36 Adam And I have no idea what the proposition is on any of them. It's all Indian gaming. That's all I can tell. They want to build casinos. They want to tax casinos. I have no effing idea what's going on. And I defy you to find me a person who does.

8:51 Drew No, I know.

8:52 Adam And then I don't know why the abortion thing, but Barbara Boxer was up there just talking about, I don't know, even what she is, crazy lesbian who lives in Sacramento. She's there talking about, they have all those women's groups and if, you know, abortion. I always love when that abortion thing gets brought out on it. It gets carted out, gets dusted off and carted out. Every few years, it's like, you let these people in office. You let what? You let the Republicans in office? Hey, Earth to Barbara Boxer. Hey, Bush, Republican, been there for four years. Really? Coat hangers, back alley abortions? And who buys this crap anymore? Like, this stuff's going to happen? We're going to get a Democrat in there? We're going to get a Republican in there? Oh, all of a sudden, abortions. Abortions for people who don't eat abortions. Abortions for men.

9:44 Drew Men will start being abortionists.

9:46 Adam I'm going to stuff an unborn fetus up your urethra, and then we're going to back alley. By the way, do you have to go to the alley? Can't go to the guy's house? And then out comes the coat hanger.

9:57 Drew The house in the back alley.

9:58 Adam Oh, I see. And not the wooden kind of coat hanger. That'd be confusing. And not the one with the little buckle that holds the slacks.

10:04 Drew No, no, no. Not the shoulder padded...

10:08 Adam No, not the padded ones. Not the freely padded ones. Although that's an expensive back alley abortion when you get the one with the pads on it. And not the one that's made out of the hickory or whatever the hell keeps the moths away. Not the cedar one. No, this is the one that comes from the bad fluff and fold. And we tear the paper off it. And then I perform the abortion with the coat hang.

10:33 Drew They always say make sure they open a package before they put anything in it.

10:36 Adam Yeah, wait until we get a Republican in office. Then another Republican. Well, here's the point. Everyone's getting abortion. You know what we're going to do? We're going to actually put a kid inside the unbored fetus that we're boarding with the coat hang. It's going to be an abortion on abortion. It's going to be like those wooden Russian dolls. We're just going to keep cramming kids up, people. And then we're going to the back alley, everybody. And that's where we have the abortion. And by the way, you don't need to put back in front of Allie. Just say Allie.

11:07 Drew We assume it's behind the house. It's bizarre that they'd be using all that imagery now on a day when abortions are induced with a pill. You don't need the procedure anymore. No procedures anymore.

11:20 Adam You get the coat hanger. No, that's the point. We get a Republican in there. They go illegal. We take the pill away. Back alley.

11:28 Drew Pill already is illegal. And they'll go down to Mexico and get the pill.

11:31 Adam And anal abortion. We no longer go in through the vagina. We take a coat hanger. No, not a coat hanger. A shoe tree. We now perform them with shoe trees. We do them anally. And men, female, pregnant or not, in the back alley. And not even the back alley. Behind the back alley.

11:50 Drew We're going deeper into the alley.

11:54 Adam That's right. Anal, shoe tree, male, non-pregnant male, abortions behind the back alley, everybody. Is that what you want? Do you want that? No. And how about a casino?

12:08 Drew In my backyard.

12:09 Adam In your backyard, in your living room?

12:11 Drew Not my living room.

12:12 Adam How would you like to walk out into your kitchen in the morning with your bathrobe on, looking for a cup of coffee and have rows of nickel slot machines? And people from Iowa sitting there in bad shorts and sandals playing them with the flip down things on their glasses. Is that what you want? Okay, then you must be against Prop 71. Yes?

12:33 Drew Yes, yes.

12:34 Adam What about violent home takeover type things where you're raped and then kill the children?

12:41 Drew You for that? No, no, no, no.

12:43 Adam Then you're against Prop 68.

12:45 Drew Okay, now I understand. Thank you.

12:47 Adam And you got to vote for Barbara Boxer, otherwise we get the shoe tree back back alley anal male abortion.

12:53 Drew Thankfully, you've enlightened me. I wouldn't have known who to vote for, how to cast my vote.

12:58 Adam You just don't know. You just never know. You listen to me, Drew, that's how you figure it out. You get a Republican in office, we go right back to the coat hangers days. Oh, sure.

13:07 Drew Iowa's in my living room.

13:08 Adam Yeah, that's right. Nickel Slots. Rob? No, no, your place would just be Nichols.

13:16 Drew Oh, no, no, no.

13:17 Adam Yeah, just all night, ching ching, ching ching. Your kids, slave, your daughter forced a cocktail. She's going to bring like watered down drinks out to everybody. Your son would be like a change maker. Maybe the other one, maybe after a few years he works his way up to pit boss. Maybe.

13:36 Drew The utopia.

13:39 Adam No, it's bad. Indian gaming. What's going on? What's going on with gambling? When are we going to make, when are we going to?

13:48 Drew Take a stand?

13:49 Adam One or the other.

13:50 Drew Where are we going?

13:51 Adam Pygals good, black jacks bad, a lotto's good, a dog racing bad, horse racing good, betting on football bad. What's going on?

14:00 Drew Here's what I'm learning from this election. We're betting good if profits from betting pay taxes.

14:05 Adam Right.

14:06 Drew That's it.

14:08 Adam All right. And what's going on with the Indians? They got a lot of money now? Are they fine? Have they solved all their problems?

14:13 Drew They got many, many years of debt to dig out of our soul.

14:17 Adam They do. Of course. Yeah. They owe us, right?

14:20 Drew No, we owe them. Oh, we owe them. Billions, billions.

14:24 Adam We owe them. All right. So, but what do they do with the money? They just build more casinos?

14:29 Drew That's the one that's going to be in my living room.

14:33 Adam Rob?

14:34 Drew Hello.

14:35 Adam You're 24?

14:36 Caller Yes.

14:37 Adam What's up?

14:39 Caller Well, I've been listening to you guys since I was about 16, 17 years old. Right. I really love you guys' show. You guys helped me out a lot through, you know, the years. You know, with questions I had when I was younger and that. I just want to tell you guys I appreciate that. Thanks. But the question I have is, my fiancee, we've been together now for about nine months. And we found out about a month ago that she's pregnant. And we got along really good. The whole time we were together, we spent every minute of the day together. We never did anything apart. She even went to work with me. And now this is the only time we've been apart. And ever since she found out she was pregnant, she's been...

15:15 Adam Hold on a second. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. If you got one of those jobs where you can take your old lady to work with you or pet with you, that's a bad sign. Do you know what I mean?

15:25 Drew Generally speaking, yeah.

15:26 Adam That just means you're watching a pile of lumber.

15:29 Caller No, I do all right with what I do. I make pretty good money.

15:33 Adam What do you do?

15:34 Caller I drive a truck local.

15:36 Adam Oh, okay. So she's...

15:37 Drew I do like to ride the lawn.

15:38 Adam She rides shotgun, right?

15:41 Caller Yeah, she'd ride with me and...

15:42 Drew Oh, okay. That's a little different than going to work, I guess.

15:46 Adam Yeah, I guess.

15:46 Caller All right. I mean, I know truck driving is a glamorous job, but...

15:51 Drew No, no, no. When you say going to work, the image is of going some place to work, rather than riding along with me.

15:57 Adam Yeah, that's different. So here we go.

16:00 Caller I got you. Well, her... Well, ever since we found out, we found out about a month ago, she's doing May. And ever since she found out, she's been just the happiest person in the world about it, but anything that I say or do will set her off in the kind of mood that I just gotta... Gotta kinda stay away from.

16:15 Drew Very wise. Very wise.

16:17 Adam Hormones. Yes, Joe?

16:19 Drew Yes, Adam.

16:19 Adam When do the hormones really kick in? When are they at their worst?

16:23 Drew It depends. And each woman sort of reacts differently. For some, it's that first trimester when they're so nauseated, uncomfortable, and many feel euphoric and very even during the last trimester. Others feel awful and irritable and uncomfortable and last constipated and miserable. So it really depends on the woman. But it's gonna be all over the place. Some of it is the result of irritability and discomfort. Some of it is just pure mood instability from the hormones themselves. A lot of different reasons that women are contending with a lot. And then the guys, the absolute best move, Rob, is just take cover.

16:57 Adam Yeah, just get out of there.

16:59 Drew Do not even think about confronting it. No. Realize she's an incubator. She's entitled to feel bad and just support her. By the way, women get really feel extremely vulnerable. Think about this. Guys don't think about this. Your woman or your wife is pregnant. She has an extra 30 pounds she's carrying around.

17:19 Adam Well, hold on, hold on. If we don't get Boxer in for a 50th term...

17:23 Drew She'd be aborted.

17:24 Adam Absolutely.

17:25 Drew Yeah, she wouldn't have that job. But say it's presumed.

17:26 Adam Absolutely.

17:27 Drew Assuming the barber boxer gets in.

17:29 Adam Shop vac, a team of jack-booted thugs would come in, drag them out to the rear of the back alley, and then it's all about the five-gallon shop vac with the coat hanger. That's right. And again, I don't want to put too fine a point on it, but not the wood, not the cedar one, and not the one with the thing with the slacks.

17:49 Drew Not the padded one.

17:50 Adam No, not the two scrunch, not the two things where you open them and pinch the slacks.

17:55 Drew And not the one with the paper.

17:56 Adam The wood, there's the wood dowel that sort of pops out, you put the slacks. No, no, no. No, no, and not the frilly, yeah, the silky one, with the padding on it that's almost kind of straight that women use for evening gowns, like for the strapped ones. Not that one.

18:13 Drew It scares me that you know what those are for. I was wondering what those are for, but now that you've told me.

18:18 Adam That's what I assume that's what they're for. Not that one, but...

18:21 Drew The metal.

18:23 Adam Yeah, the metal kind, and they take the paper off.

18:26 Drew Well, they tear the paper off just before the procedure.

18:29 Adam Right.

18:29 Drew It's sort of a...

18:30 Adam Right, it's symbolic. Yeah, go ahead.

18:36 Drew Yeah, so...

18:38 Adam That's what's gonna happen.

18:39 Drew So, imagine that you're a woman, and you're carrying right next to 30 pounds, and it's right in the middle, and something happens.

18:46 Adam My Barbara Boxer doesn't get elected.

18:48 Drew If she gets elected, and you don't get the abortion, and like, say, a meteor hits. I mean, think how vulnerable you are, just physically vulnerable. And you've got another life you're responsible for, for the first time in your life. There's so many vulnerabilities, and you're hormonally off, and you know it. And men, the partner, the male partner, really has to become a protector, because they never will feel more vulnerable than, maybe with the baby, they feel equivalently vulnerable. But there's a period there where women really need a partner, whether it's male or female. So.

19:16 Adam So listen, guys, just bite the bullet. Don't argue with them. Just do what they want and stay out of their crosshairs. I want to speak to Christopher over here. Christopher? Yeah. Twenty-two? You're dating a 33-year-old virgin from India? I don't know if that's good or bad. It's certainly weird.

19:42 Drew Weird is generally not good.

19:45 Adam How has she remained a virgin for 33 years?

19:48 Drew Well, Adam, no penis has entered the vagina. You see?

19:52 Adam Yeah.

19:54 Well, like I said, she's from India. India was a subcontinent of British rule. If you can imagine British mentality on over two...

20:05 Drew England, England, they never have sex before 40.

20:08 Adam Ever. Population is almost zero in India.

20:10 Drew No, a boy, George, never had sex with anybody.

20:13 Adam No, but hold on a second. India has what? The second largest population in the world?

20:18 Drew Yes. Yeah.

20:20 Adam There's not one black dude there that's cranking it out. It's not like Lucius is there just inseminating everyone who comes by. There's Indians that are humpin.

20:29 Drew Yeah.

20:30 Adam Believe you or me. Not like we sent an NBA forward over there just to knock everybody up. There is plenty of humpin going on. Christopher? Yeah. Yeah, it must be. It must be behind. I think it's behind China, but it's true. Yes.

20:44 Drew Number two. So what is this BS you're believing, Christopher, about the British rule in the 19th century has everything to do with your girlfriend's virginity now?

20:52 Well, regardless of that, she's a virgin. She never really dated at India.

20:59 Adam By the way, God bless you for abandoning something you've been hanging on to for a long time. I respect that. I do. I do.

21:07 Drew He just realized it was ridiculous. Just let it go.

21:09 Adam I moved on. Sophie's Choice. Here we go.

21:13 So, we were having a little fun and they got a little serious and so she wanted to have sex. We started getting hot and heavy and as I'm trying to get in, it's like hurting her to high heaven and I'm just, I don't like to put people in pain.

21:34 Adam You don't?

21:35 Drew No. One of the rare males that feels that way. Well, you need to know a little more about what's going on with this girl. I hope she's not been a victim of any kind of genital mutilation or something. There's all kinds of stuff.

21:47 Adam If she was, we can't judge.

21:49 Drew Cannot judge.

21:49 Adam Impossible.

21:50 Drew No judgment.

21:51 I know her history. No. She's actually very liberal in her country and she's had like a very, almost American upbringing. It's just that she's never had sex and it's just...

22:04 Adam Well, what about the British colonialism that's going on over there? Wasn't she influenced heavily by that?

22:12 Well, like I said, basically India was part of the Indian or British rule. British Empire figured 200 years of British rule on a group of people is going to rub off a little bit.

22:26 Adam Hey, Christopher, I just came up with a great series for you. We call it Tards on Tape. You just amble on about nothing for hours and hours and I drive my car and laugh like a hyena.

22:40 Drew Christopher...

22:41 Adam Drew, seriously, Tards on Tape?

22:43 Drew You'd buy that series?

22:45 Today's topic, British rule over India.

22:49 The Boer War.

22:51 Adam The one that's salt and dead tea. Anyway, here's another theory. You just go economics, world history, literature. It would never end.

23:04 Drew It would be really funny. You'd actually have to have it be real people telling you pieces of history.

23:09 Adam Each one would have to start with, here's why my girlfriend's a virgin. And then you just...

23:15 Drew That would be one chapter.

23:16 Adam You'd have a topic like that.

23:19 Drew Then you talk on Da Vinci.

23:20 Adam Yeah, that's what it is. But here's why.

23:22 Caller All right.

23:23 Adam Christopher.

23:24 Caller Yeah.

23:25 Adam She's out here in the United States now?

23:28 Drew Yeah. When did she move here? This will be funny.

23:30 Caller She moved here in August.

23:33 Adam And you guys live... Are you living together?

23:35 Caller No. She's a junior... Or not junior, but she's a graduate student here at the college. I am an undergrad.

23:41 Adam All right.

23:42 Drew Well, she's having... Pain with intercourse means a lot of different things. Most commonly is very high levels of anxiety and maybe vaginismus of the muscles around the vagina. And of course, somebody that's maintained the virginity for 33 years is going to have some issues around relinquishing that.

23:57 Adam Yes.

23:57 Drew And so you really need to talk to her a lot more about... This is not about British rule. You say that one more time. How dare you.

24:03 Caller That's the best thing it is.

24:04 Drew That she was traumatized in some way growing up. Maybe somebody did something to her, she saw something. Something happened and she became completely aversive to sex. And so it is highly traumatizing and very anxiety provoking for her to be sexual. And you're going to have to talk this out a bit before you get involved. You're into a project here, Christopher, that is just above what the British actually took on when they took on the colony of India.

24:27 Adam Right. All right. All right. There you go. Tards on tape.

24:31 Drew They actually have to be real people telling you a piece of history.

24:34 Adam And everyone's going to just start off with, this is why my girlfriend's a virgin. Yeah. I would buy it. I would subscribe to that series.

24:43 Drew Oh, we've got to start collecting it tonight.

24:44 Adam We'll take a little break. When we come back, Nuva Ring conversation, Dad Left Mom in 37 years, hit high from being around someone who smokes coke. Nice math. Listen, it's a grab bag. We'll talk to everyone after this. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Kerry always in here tomorrow night. He is from the new movie Saw, which I did not see, but I heard was good. Yes?

25:41 Drew Yes.

25:42 Adam And then Jimmy Eat World is gonna be in here. Yeah, that's my song. Band playing my theme song. You know what I mean? Moving in slow motion. Every set of eyes in the place on me. Know what I mean?

25:55 Drew I know what you mean.

25:56 Adam Leather pants, sack working up a funk. Looking good. All right, where are we, Drew?

26:03 Drew Take a line one.

26:04 Adam Let me say this. Let me say this.

26:05 Drew Don't take this call. Hold on, hold on.

26:07 Adam Let me, I gotta give some plugs here. First off, David Alan Greer called my home message machine and left a very entertaining and long-winded message that we will pull up and play at some point in the near future. I'd like to play a little Germany or Florida, by the way.

26:24 Drew It's been a while. We've been so busy with the Accordion Countdown.

26:27 Adam So busy with Ace's Mexican Accordion Countdown that we forgot about what got us here.

26:33 Drew Yes, our roots.

26:34 Adam Our roots. Our roots, which are seven weeks old.

26:38 Drew Well, it's a tradition.

26:39 Adam Germany or Florida. And also, I would be remiss if I did not bring up my beloved Crank Yankers on tonight. Comedy Central, everybody. Crank Yank, new season, by the way. And, thank you, thank you, Michelle.

26:52 Drew DVD out.

26:53 Adam And a DVD out. And also, tomorrow night, another series on Comedy Central, Drawn Together, after South Park, one of Drew's favorite shows, new series launching tomorrow night. So, that's where I'll be. You ready to rock here, Drew? Oh, and guess where I'm gonna be at 5.15 this morning?

27:14 Drew Flying somewhere.

27:15 Adam Howard Stern. Oh. So brutal.

27:18 Caller So brutal. Brutal. Brutal.

27:22 Adam You know, especially when you do the New York math.

27:25 Drew Yeah, I know.

27:26 Adam If you do, because I go to bed at 2 a.m. And people are always like, oh, you gotta get up at five. Yeah, they should just suggest I go to bed halfway home. Yeah, when you get the 10 to the 110, you start going to bed. Yeah, like I'm gonna walk in the front door, just collapse in the entry hall. No, I go to bed at two. I drink two and a half glasses of wine. And I watch some Sports Center and I go to bed. And that's it. And if I gotta get up at five, add 20 minutes to it.

27:55 Drew Of lying there going, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

27:56 Adam Yeah, like this sucks, this sucks. But if you do the New York math, so you go to bed at 2 a.m. to do a morning show out here, it's the equivalent to going to bed at 5 a.m. to do a morning show in New York. And you're on it like eight o'clock their time. But it's like you do an 8 a.m. show and go to bed at five. Brutal, but cool. And I'll give that drawn together a little plug. And then Kevin and Bean out here at the Mother Station.

28:26 Drew Four drawn together? Tomorrow?

28:28 Adam Little plugsy. Nothing wrong with that. Emily, it's a good show. Emily? Yeah, Entertainment.

28:35 Drew Hi Emily.

28:36 Adam Entertainment Weekly gave it an F.

28:39 Drew Oh, that's good.

28:39 Adam It's good, yeah. Entertainment Weekly, I think that's the publication that really enjoyed the new Man Show. Is the new Man Show coming back for another season, Drew?

28:49 Drew Of course, it's been backed by Entertainment Weekly.

28:51 Adam Oh no, it's not.

28:53 Caller What a shock.

28:55 Adam What a shocking surprise that one of the critics was wrong. I love the new Man Show so much. I wonder what happened to it.

29:02 Caller Man, hmm.

29:04 Adam Wow, hmm, I remember that big fat homo shilling. What the hell is his name? Tom Shales. Yeah, remember how much he hated the Man Show? Yeah, remember how long it went on after he hated it? Man, this guy, I guess they don't wield as much power. Someone at Comedy Central should have went into Entertainment Weekly and found out that they liked the new Man Show. Maybe that would have done it. Maybe they didn't know. Maybe there's some confusion. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure they'll come around as soon as they find out that the pencil pushing idiots over there at Entertainment Weekly like the new Man Show better than the old Man Show. Shocking that it wouldn't come back. Go figure, Drew. Just go figure. I can't believe it only made it one year. Can you believe it? I thought it would be perennial dynasty. And according to those idiots at Entertainment Weekly, it was so much better. How could it have not gone up?

29:53 Drew At least twice as long.

29:54 Adam Well, do the math.

29:55 Drew Yeah.

29:56 Adam Hmm. I'm always surprised.

29:59 Drew That's one of those random events.

30:00 Adam Yeah, just no figuring. Emily?

30:04 Yes.

30:05 Adam What's up?

30:07 Well, I'm calling because, first of all, I love you guys. I'm so glad I moved down here so I can listen to you guys. But my parents have been married for almost 33 years. They've been together for 37.

30:22 Caller Mm-hmm.

30:25 And my dad just left my mom for another woman.

30:31 Caller Mm-hmm.

30:32 Yeah, he's a professional. Anyways, my mom, you know, of course, was beside herself and going crazy and I went to high school.

30:40 Drew By the way, the only way that math works for me is if you had been carrying on with that woman for about 15 years.

30:45 Adam Ooh, being with mom for 37 years.

30:49 Drew And then leaving suddenly in his late 50s or 60s.

30:54 He got a new car. He got his ear pierced.

30:56 Drew No, no, he was dating her for a while before this. It's the only way that makes sense to me.

31:01 Adam By the way, hold on a second. Old dudes with the hoop, like Ed Bradley and Harrison Ford, creepy. Just weird.

31:09 Drew You can do that if you're gay.

31:10 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're gay and do whatever you want. Wear a zebra, no pants, it's fine. It's encouraged, do whatever you want. Listen, if you're black or you're gay, you can get away with whatever you want. Ed Bradley does kind of pull it off, although I don't approve of it, but it's because he's a journalist that kind of screws things up a little bit. If he was just doing anything else and just an older black dude, he'd be fine. But when Harrison Ford comes out there with that hoop, it's creepy. It's weird. And you're not getting any, all it can do is hurt.

31:43 Drew Yeah.

31:43 Adam It can't help. It's impossible. It's not like anyone's gonna be more attracted to you. It can only bring on ridicule.

31:49 Drew For comedic effect, let's just see what the guy did for living. Line one.

31:54 Adam He was part of the cast of 60 Minutes. Emily?

31:57 Yes.

31:58 Adam What'd your dad do for a living?

32:00 He just retired and he was a cigarette salesman.

32:05 Adam How does that work?

32:07 Well, he went to stores all over and sold them a specific brand of cigarettes. And he did it for 23 years.

32:15 Adam Yeah.

32:16 Drew He was definitely carrying on before this.

32:19 Yeah, he was a traveling salesman. And just in this last week, this is all, so much stuff has come forward that he's done this before.

32:29 Drew Oh yeah, of course.

32:31 I guess he tried to keep it for me since I was young and stuff.

32:34 Drew Right, okay. So now it's starting to come into focus.

32:36 Adam All right, you freaked out. Fine.

32:38 Right.

32:39 Adam All right, you're 21.

32:41 Drew Your mom should have gotten out of here a long time ago.

32:43 Adam Yeah, at a certain point, in somewhere around 21, you realize your parents were idiots and you try to wash your hands of them and then move forward and hopefully humiliate them.

32:53 Drew Adam's done a marvelous job of that.

32:55 Adam Well, they don't listen to the show, so.

32:57 Drew But what you said has been humiliating, though. They may not experience the humiliation, but you manage to humiliate.

33:04 Adam I do what I can.

33:06 Drew So what's the question for us?

33:07 So, obviously my mom's going crazy and crying and I'm more being the mom right now, helping her out and stuff and it's getting to be a little much. But anyways, the woman, the new girlfriend, has called and apologized and said she was really sorry. She didn't know my dad was married. And now my mom called me tonight to tell me that she wants to share my dad. And she told...

33:36 Drew Emily, but that's what she's been doing all along. This is nothing new. This is, imagine what her dad must have been like, my God. And she said she's-

33:45 Caller She's air your dad?

33:46 Drew Well, that's what she's been doing. This guy's been carrying on on the road for 30 years. And she's effectively been sharing them all this time. What she's devastated about now is that he's actually leaving when the reality is she's never had a relationship with him in the first place. This is just ridiculous. You gotta get your mom a therapist. You really do. She needs to, we need to regrow her spine. Oh, huh? The rain.

34:09 Adam All right, well, look, first off, she's calling from Moorpark. I don't think they have therapists there. They have taxidermists, but they don't have therapists. You could speak to a taxidermist.

34:18 Drew Why does he need to build a spine?

34:19 Caller About your problems.

34:20 Adam He's just sitting there sorting glass eyes, and you're like, I gotta get in touch with my inner child. He's like, yeah, all right. You wanna hand me that for mannohide? He's wearing a coonskin hat. Well, yeah, I don't think you can't, there's no therapists in Moorpark.

34:36 Drew There must be, but mom needs to really help her. They run them right out. Dad is a colossal. Here's the bigger issue, Emily. You need to make, really we gotta get Emily some help because you need to make sure you don't become attracted to guys like your dad.

34:48 Adam I was thinking, by the way, when she was saying that her dad was selling cigarettes and we're talking about all these out here in California, getting hit with all these propositions to vote on in five or six days. One of the big ones I remember is a younger person, must have been 18 or 19, was this proposition to add like 50 cents to a pack of cigarettes. And I remember the anti-commercials against the proposition, which is, here's what's going to happen. You add the 50 cents to the pack of smokes, what happens? Gang members start loading up vans, going to Nevada, buying this stuff by the case, selling it at a discount, because, of course, in Nevada, it's not taxed.

35:28 Drew Society unravels.

35:30 Adam And then it's a guy, and then it's this guy, and it's this guy, he's, it's always the same guy, by the way, he plays a criminal. It's, he's a white guy, but he hasn't shaved. So he didn't, he's white, he hasn't shaved for a couple of days, he's good-looking, but he's a little disheveled, because he's an actor. He's sort of, sort of got a little cast in 90210 to him. He's got a little Luke Perry to him, but not quite. And he hasn't shaved for a couple of days. And I remember him, he was standing in front of a big van. And he says, you know, that van carries a lot of smokes, and that money buys a lot of these. And he lifts his sweatshirt up, and he's got a piece stuffed in his shorts. And I thought, yeah, that's what's gonna happen. Yeah, that's how you fund the gangs. Like, you're going into the 7-Eleven, and the guy's like, hey, what's up? What, you going in for smokes? Yeah, what do you smoke? You look like a cool man. No, I'm a more above. Come here, come to the van. It's parked down the street. Now what am I gonna say? Yeah, I know I'm going out to the van. Yeah, right. Yeah, it was just, I'm sure they, and by the way, the crazy unlikely retarded scenarios that they claim are gonna happen when this prop gets passed or doesn't, people need to be held accountable.

36:47 Drew Yes, it should be some legal action.

36:50 Adam Yeah, remember you said, remember I saw your commercials. Remember you said what was gonna happen if this thing passed? Well, it's been two years. Any problem with gang members that are bringing vans full of cigarettes over the Nevada border? No, all right, now shut your face. You now lose privilege as a yak.

37:09 Drew That's the same a-hole that's yapping about the second-hand smoke, same guy.

37:12 Adam Yeah, here's the thing, you gotta be able to back up what you're saying, say whatever you want, but keep in mind, it's dangerous when you use hysteria as a way of trying to shape people's opinions. Well, not only that, but you really have no idea who to vote for, because the people that are for, yeah, people that are for Prop 71 seem to be against invasion, robberies, and single moms being raped in their bedroom in front of their children, and so do people that are against Prop 71. So, which is it? I have no idea, and I don't really know that anybody does. You know what someone ought to say? Someone ought to go, look, we're for this, our opponents are against it, they make a couple of valid points. I gotta be honest, it's not black and white, it's gray. It's about 60-40, and we're the 60. What do you say?

38:02 Drew And by the way, where we need laws, we got them.

38:05 Adam Right, all right, what do you mean?

38:07 Drew There should be something holding people accountable. The legal system, there should be forces in place that make people speak the truth.

38:14 Adam Thank you, Drew. Are you lying?

38:16 Drew Sometimes.

38:17 Adam Okay, you ready to rock? We gotta take a break.

38:19 Drew I'm lying.

38:20 Adam We gotta take a break.

38:20 Drew I'm lying.

38:23 Adam We'll be right back after this.

38:53 Drew Hey, it's Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Trying to figure out how to get David Alan Greer's message off of Adam's answering machine.

39:07 Adam All right, we're almost there. We'll get it next time. We're feeling good.

39:11 Drew Michelle's so positive.

39:12 Adam I know. She's great. She's a breath of sunshine. Let me tell you something, after engineer Chris, you just take a hat rack smeared with a fecal matter and it would be a step in the right direction.

39:26 Drew Mr. Hankey?

39:27 Adam You understand? Just, you just take a duke, you wipe it on a hat rack and we set it there, we put a scarf around it. Be better. It'd be better. Be a step in the right direction.

39:40 Drew That's all right, I'm used to it, whatever.

39:44 Adam Where is Chris? He can't hear me.

39:46 Drew He's here. He's here? He was wandering around here earlier this evening.

39:49 Caller He did one shift, but we traded shifts because he wants to do Jimmy World.

39:53 Adam Yeah, yeah. All right, Tara?

39:58 Caller Yes.

39:59 Adam 24?

40:00 Caller Yes, I am.

40:01 Adam What's up?

40:03 Caller Well, I started Birth Control about four months ago and I'd like to not take the pill every day because I think I would forget or something. So I'm using the NuvaRing. And like all the information in the pamphlets I get says that because the product is relatively new, like all the side effects and pros and cons that are listed for me, it says that my side effects and whatever are probably going to be like oral contraceptives. So I'm wondering if there's like new information out or if I should-

40:43 Drew Yes, the new information is that everything is turning out as it should. These things are great.

40:47 Adam And what is your-

40:48 Drew What are you worried about?

40:48 Adam What's the-

40:50 Drew What is she worried about?

40:51 Adam She's fine. What's the new for ring, Drew?

40:53 Drew It's already put it. Inside.

40:55 Adam Up there?

40:56 Drew Mm-hmm. It releases hormone slowly, but I'm curious what she's worried about.

40:59 Adam She's just, you know.

41:01 Drew What are you worried about, Tara?

41:03 Caller I'm not really worried about anything. I just, I heard earlier you said that there were like all these new found benefits associated with taking oral contraceptives.

41:11 Drew Absolutely. Well, hormonal contraceptives of which the new ring is one.

41:14 Yeah.

41:14 Adam You get the same thing.

41:16 Drew Absolutely. I mean, it's possible there could be a slight difference because it's absorbed slightly differently, but it's going to be very similar. That's for sure.

41:21 Yeah.

41:22 Caller I'm sort of also kind of, I want to have the lowest amount of hormones possible. I'm a singer and I'm afraid of, you know.

41:30 Adam What do you sing? In a band?

41:33 Caller No, classical music like opera.

41:35 Drew Opera.

41:36 Adam Opera. What do you got?

41:42 Drew What do you do?

41:43 Adam What do you got? What are chicks? They got the, they got the altos and sopranos.

41:47 Drew What roles do you enjoy singing most?

41:50 Adam I'm not a soprano.

41:51 Drew So you sing Edzuchena or something? Wait, yes.

41:53 Adam What are women?

41:54 Drew You can sing Edzuchena?

41:56 Adam I can? That's a tough one.

42:01 Drew I don't know. Let me think of another.

42:02 Adam How about, how about, how about you sing the Taboo 2 theme song but in opera? It'd be like.

42:09 Caller Not right now.

42:12 Drew Jane has a great art where she goes insane because somebody's, well, it's a long story.

42:17 Adam Now what are the female singing range roles things? Are they, they differ from the guys? What are the women? What are the women? Now what do the guys have? Basically.

42:34 Drew Bass, yeah, and baritone.

42:36 Adam Baritone. Basically. And what do women have?

42:43 Drew And there's some called caloratura, soprano.

42:45 Adam Soprano or mezzo. What's the mezzo?

42:47 Drew It's the low.

42:48 Adam That's the low. Oh, so you're the mezzo.

42:50 Caller Right, and there are some throughout those, but there's a blurry line there.

42:53 Adam That's basically Italian for fat chick.

42:55 Drew No.

42:56 Adam Yeah, I hear mezzo, I hear fat.

42:59 Drew Mezzo, mesomorph.

43:01 Adam I think mezzo. I think Mondo ass. That's what I think of it. That's me.

43:10 Drew Mezzoes are all the evil, the evil chicks.

43:11 Adam Do a little singing for us. What do you got?

43:14 Caller No, it's like one in the morning here.

43:15 Caller Yeah, well, you have to.

43:16 Adam I don't know, Drew, would you shut up and stop doing bad radio for 10 seconds of your life? Give us a little something or I'm gonna hang up on you.

43:25 Caller I'm gonna have to say good night then.

43:27 Drew It's like a real poem.

43:28 Adam Everyone's a performer. All these great performers of callers shouldn't ever want to open their trap.

43:33 Drew Let me just, Retar, let's just say something. That hormones, yes, can change your vocal cord function, but it's not necessarily estrogen. It can be the progesterone, too. And sometimes going the very low route may expose you to the progesterone that can thicken your cords. Your mezzo may be okay, but the fact is you're gonna have to kind of fool around with the dose of whatever it is you're taking to find something that doesn't affect your vocal cords.

43:55 Caller He's got it all, yes he does. He knows how to please in every detail. He can do more than you'd ever imagine and do it with style. He does it with me. Oh yes, he does.

44:17 Adam They could really be done. We could make an opera out of Tabloid too. Way to hear David Allen Grier singing on my phone.

44:24 Drew I want to hear this.

44:25 Adam We got to get that. Alicia?

44:28 Yeah.

44:29 Adam 24?

44:30 Yes.

44:31 Adam What's up?

44:32 Drew Throwing a bowling pin?

44:33 Caller Well, I guess part of it is I feel like I'm beating a guy who's way too old for me.

44:40 Drew Well, there you go. That's the next question.

44:47 Caller It's not that I feel like he doesn't look, he doesn't act. He has a kid.

44:53 Drew Well, let's just reenact here. I feel like I'm dating a guy who's too old for me. Well, I don't feel like I am because he doesn't look old.

45:01 Adam Right. Yeah, well, which is it? And he has a kid?

45:05 Drew And I understand, what is it you want from us to say, oh, no, no, no, however you're feeling, ignore that.

45:10 Adam Well, it's an advice show, Drew. So quiet down.

45:13 Drew No, but she's saying she feels uncomfortable with it. And so I'm not gonna, we're not gonna undermine that.

45:17 Adam How dare you attack our callers. I attack our callers.

45:20 Drew I'm trying not to attack her. I'm trying to just sort of expose her a little bit.

45:23 Adam Well, okay. And he has two kids. Where's their mother? You'll be having sex with him in a few short months. Don't worry. Believe me, believe me.

45:43 Drew I read the book.

45:43 Adam So here's the thing. Is this guy want to get married? Do you want to get married? What direction?

45:49 Drew Do you want to have two step kids?

45:51 Caller I don't.

45:51 Drew You ready for two step kids?

45:53 Adam He wants to get married.

45:55 Caller Yeah, he's definitely, I mean, he was married for 13 years. And high school sweetheart had a kid when they're in high school.

46:05 Drew Alicia, let's add the score up. You're uncomfortable. You don't, you're not the same place in your life as he is. You don't sound particularly enthusiastic about taking on two step kids. Come on.

46:16 Adam Especially a 14 year old.

46:18 Drew What are you doing here?

46:19 Adam I mean, you're walking in, kids, you know, beating off and shooting heroin at the same time. You do that.

46:25 Drew That's a trick.

46:26 Adam You do that. Not, you know, and you're not my mom. You know, 14 year old male screwball daddy, dad was raising when he was 18. Are you kidding me? That's a pain in the ass.

46:41 All right, get out of there.

46:43 Adam All right, quick break. We'll be right back after this.

46:46 Here it is. Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

46:49 Tons of lame people and no decent prospect.

46:52 Call the Dateline.

46:53 Call the Dateline.

46:53 Caller Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE. Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready.

47:18 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, on number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Cary Elwes in here tomorrow night from the new movie Saw. Also, oh, we got Anthony Kiedis coming in here, and Andy Dick, oh, Christ.

47:37 Drew David Alan Greer.

47:37 Adam And Dag coming in here. Speaking of Dag, David Alan Greer, as you know, I know him by my main man. He called in, as you know, he has a background in musical theater. He called in, left a very theatrical message. By the way, he left a message on my home phone machine, not thinking I was gonna play it on the radio, by the way. He's just legitimately nuts. So let's, now I finally was able to pluck it off there, and engineer Michelle was able to put it down on a CD. You have it there? All right, let's give a listen. And he left this today about one o'clock.

48:35 Caller It's good, actually. I would love to be on your radio show. Thank you.

49:03 Adam See, it's powerful. Can I tell you how much more entertaining that is than my mom going first talking? Pick up. I got the message center, but I still get to pick up. Are you there? Pick up. It's impossible for me to hear you once the machine is picked up. I don't have a machine. Pick up. And then a little confusion. Your sister is coming over on Saturday about, well, she said two. It might be as late as 2.30.

49:39 Drew We talk an awful lot in the show about abused and beaten children. What must it be like to be abused and beaten older adults? Not older abuse so much.

49:48 Adam No, it's a slow death.

49:49 Drew Parental abuse.

49:51 Adam Yeah, just out of it.

49:52 Drew Just humiliate the public.

49:54 Adam My dad left a long-winded message on my machine where he had thought he was calling somebody he worked with. It wasn't even me. I think Christ didn't say my pain in the ass son or something like that. Here's one of the, I'll tell you one of the cornerstones to being old, which is ignoring the outgoing message. It's like the outgoing message, beep, hi, this is Sharon and Sam, leave a message at the beep, beep, Tommy, Tommy, is that you son? Anyway, I'm getting a prostate surgery. You didn't hear the part where they had a different name? Nothing? And by the way, you don't know mine? Sound familiar to you at all? Like the number you've called quite a few times? I'm just going to pile ahead with a long-winded message to somebody else. Yeah, that's the one. I love that one. I love the one where people are confused. They're a little confused, but not enough to slow them down. I'm calling a guy named Ernie who lives alone, and I got an outgoing message from a chick named Michelle. I'm still piling forward. I couldn't have misstyled. I couldn't be confused. This has to be Ernie's home. There's a chick named Michelle on the outgoing message. I'll just go ahead and leave the message. Don't just hang up and call right back. Probably get the one you recognize.

51:20 Drew I have that problem all the time. I hang up, I dial back, and then I say, I'm not sure if this is your machine or not, but if this is, I leave the message.

51:27 Adam Then it's weird. Then there's the people who you haven't called before who aren't on the machine, who put their wives on the machine, and they do that ambiguous, we're not home, and you're like, all right, now I've never called this dude before. I don't know if he's married or not. She said, we're not home. She didn't say the guy's name. Then your message has got your number on it and call back, and it's full of details, so now it's kind of weird. You feel like, well, I'm leaving my number with somebody, and maybe they'll recognize my name or voice or something. Yeah? There should be some standard something. You have to get the initials in of the people. It is just something, something, something tantamount to a driver's license or something. Now, it's like, well, you can't go, well, I don't choose to put my weight on there. No, no, there's certain, or you can't have a phone machine. I got to have something. I don't want the gag one. And by the way, the gag, hello? Oh, hi. That one, that thing was, you know, the one where it pretends to pick it up. First off, that gag was around six years before the phone machine was invented somehow, just waiting to be hatched. And the people that have done that after 1992 should all just be taken out and buried in a mass grave, not shot and buried in a mass grave, buried into the mass grave. And there's just nothing worse, especially if it ever catches you. You're getting angry. First message is the irate part about you calling them a-holes about the outgoing message and then on business. So we're still on for lunch. Drew, right?

52:59 Drew Absolutely.

53:05 Adam Right there. Have you?

53:07 Drew We've never sampled Anderson's answering machine.

53:09 Adam I'm sure it's a disaster.

53:10 Drew It is a scary thing.

53:12 Adam Have you called it? You have?

53:14 Drew Anderson? You put them out for us? It changes like every two weeks. What are you talking? Which one are you talking about? Oh, the last couple of scary ones I've heard.

53:21 Adam Oh, really? Really outgoing?

53:24 Drew Usually some crazy music.

53:25 Adam Uh-huh. Oh, I forgot about that. People used to put some music behind them.

53:29 Drew And then Anderson effed up.

53:33 Caller No, no, I always leave those when I'm not.

53:35 I mean, it's rare.

53:37 Drew It's rare that I leave them when I'm scared of them.

53:39 Adam Why do you not, though? That's the question.

53:42 You'd like the one that's on the right now, Corolla.

53:43 Adam I probably would. Maybe we'll give it away. If you can pod it up, I'm all ears.

53:53 All right. Mm-hmm.

53:57 Drew It's going to ring four or five, really.

53:59 Adam Four or five. All right, because we are going to play Ranchero, Mexican, Accordion, Countdown tonight, too. Also looking for Germany or Florida.

54:07 Drew We need Germany or Florida. Come on, guys.

54:11 Adam Anderson's outgoing message.

54:17 Drew It's Verizon. What do you want?

54:19 Adam Oh, the cell phone. That's you, that's you, right? No, that's good. And you know what, it's nice. It's like, you're an engineer, and you're taking your craft, and you're spreading it into your personal life.

54:49 Drew That is not one of your typical messages at all.

54:51 Caller No, but that's the whole point, is they're never typical of me.

54:54 Drew They are typical. You as a vampire or some weird, like, monstrous.

54:57 I've been doing crazy ones ever since I had, like, my own line when I was, like, 12 years old.

55:02 It's theater, man, it's theater.

55:04 Adam Yeah, no, that's right.

55:04 People expect something when they call.

55:06 And when they call you, they expect boring.

55:11 Caller Please leave a message.

55:13 Adam All right, listen, I've only had it for 12 years.

55:17 Drew By the way, when Adam answers, what you get is the message machine from Adam as full.

55:21 Adam Oh, it's a cell phone, yeah. Well, I don't want people leaving messages. All right, ready to rock, Andrew? Ready to go? Ready to rock?

55:28 Drew No, I don't want to, no more calls.

55:30 Adam No more calls.

55:30 Drew No more calls.

55:31 Adam What? You don't think I can take calls? You're done? You're done? You're done? Well, guess what? Guess who isn't done taking calls in the studio? That's right, moi. All right, and I'm going right to the phones, like it or not. You're not the boss of me, Drew.

55:42 Drew We're having a season.

55:44 Adam Sunny? You're 27? What's up? Yeah.

55:58 Drew Well, people that do a lot of speed do get sores all over the place, primarily on their face and their upper extremities from picking. It's called Picker's Syndrome.

56:09 Adam Okay, it's not the drug that causes the lesion or whatever, it's just you're high on the drug.

56:15 Drew And you start believing you have a bug in your skin or some glass or hair, and you start picking and you're picking, pick, pick, pick. In your vagina. But nearby. Yeah, and so you pick it until you got a sore. And that's how that works.

56:33 Adam All right, how about you stop smoking meth?

56:35 Drew I don't smoke it. Stop doing meth, however you're doing it. It causes a severe disruption in your brain chemistry.

56:41 Adam Yeah, I thought you were smoking it. Oh, you're snorting it.

56:45 Drew You'll start thinking about people around you, start thinking about your family, worrying about them all the time. You'll be able to work, you'll have memory problems and mood disturbances.

56:53 Caller Yeah, it is kind of breaking up anyway right now.

56:57 Drew Here's the deal, it will not stop without treatment. I know. I know it seems like you've stopped your own speed. No problem. You will not stop that drug or at least you'll switch to something else if you do not participate in some form of drug.

57:07 Adam Drew, how much you, how much you slide into a blowhard motivational drug speaker? I could tell you that it was all going to go away tomorrow, but I'd be lying to you. I like that. I like that. I could tell you some good stuff, but I would be like, do we really need that part? How about just, it's not going to go away. I could blow sunshine up your ass, kids, but I'm not going to, it would be very easy for me. Yeah. Yeah. And let me tell you something. Once you start chasing that dragon, you never stop. I give it all, March 22nd, 1987, there, starts tossing the dates around. That's why I did my first line of nose candy, all right? And once it took hold, nothing was important to me, kids, job, cars, nothing. I had a successful, magically, they're always successful, but you always think of yourself, really? Fat guy with the big calves and the salt and pepper ponytail. How successful were you? I had a successful, I ran my own business, I ran my own gymnasium, was a successful businessman. I had two beautiful kids who adored me. You're always thinking of yourself, really? Yeah. I'd like to talk to your daughters. I'm sure they were nuts about you, big fat blowhard with your stupid mustache.

58:23 Caller You remember when I came to your school, Corolla?

58:27 Adam We had a few people come to our school.

58:29 Caller We had a guy named Rick Toma, I think, that came to ours.

58:32 Adam He was crazy.

58:33 Does that name sound familiar?

58:34 Adam Yeah, I think they made a 70s detective series after him or something. We got a couple of those guys at our school. I could tell you everything was going to work out. Hey, I thought I could control it. I liked that one too. I had the world by the tail. At the beginning, nothing better. But eventually, I didn't care about anything. All right, all right, all right, please. Just tell people to stop doing drugs, would you?

59:01 Caller And I lost it all.

59:02 Adam Yeah, that scared strain. I like the blowhard guy. I like the guy. I also like the blowhard guy, asks himself, interviews himself. Is your trouble in the Middle East? Yes, yes, you betcha. You betcha, you betcha. Does something need to be done over there, some form of military action? Yeah, sure it does. Does that mean we need to scorch the earth over there and kill every man and woman? No, of course not.

59:25 Drew This is the Bob Evans School of Self-Interview. Did I give him hell? You bet I did.

59:32 Adam Am I blowhard? That damn right, damn right, damn right. People think I'm an a-hole? Yes, of course you do. Of course you do. Yeah, any guy interviews himself is a bad guy. I don't like that guy. And by the way, it's no fair interviewing yourself. You only ask yourself questions you know the answer to. No one ever interviews himself and goes like, what's the square root of 128? Uh, uh, I don't know. I had to do a scratch pad. You know, you never ask yourself crazy questions you can't answer. Go ahead. Speaking Hungarian. Oh, jeez, I don't know that one either. They just ask themselves stupid questions. And by the way, date guys, that's the blowhard date guy. They talk about April 14th, 1989, my wife left me. You know, they just keep talking. I lost my arm. That's when my car, right? My car. You got all the dates. How? When's the date you stop yapping? When's that date? I'm going to circle it on my calendar. When's the date you shut up? All right. We get it. You had a problem with drugs. Now you're over it. Now shut up and go somewhere. Would you? Big calves, big calves in the all-terrain boots, big forearms, big calves in the all-terrain boots. You know what I mean? They're not hiking boots.

1:00:50 Drew Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:00:51 Adam They're not hiking boots.

1:00:51 Drew The Merrells kind of thing.

1:00:53 Adam Yeah, they give you a little, but they give you a little extra lift because he's a short guy. It's not a hiking boot, but it's not a tennis shoe either.

1:00:59 Drew Quasi-orange.

1:01:00 Adam Ponytail.

1:01:01 Drew Yeah, ponytail.

1:01:01 Adam Oh, he's explaining. I was real hip with the lady. Oh, the lady's doing. I've had them all. I travel the world. Really? I'm sizing you up. Really? I don't know. Were you in a band? No. Okay. Then you weren't getting laid. Here we go. I had all kinds of. Oh, by the way, how is this? Hey, you know, say I hung out with rock stars and royalty. We had it all. We were jet set. It becomes it becomes like they're just bragging again, right? How good was your crappy life when you're and by the way, why don't you just stick with the drugs in if you're doing everything was going so great? Is this Lauren?

1:01:35 Drew Yeah.

1:01:36 Caller Lauren. Oh, whatever.

1:01:39 Adam Yeah, that's what I like. That's what I like. What's up, baby doll?

1:01:45 Caller Well, see, like I have a crush on my 25 year old science teacher and like, I don't know. I just don't I'm just need some reassurance of my mental health here because.

1:01:57 Drew Are you are you obsessing about him? Are you? Losing sleep and writing his name on your shoes and all that stuff.

1:02:06 Adam I could tell you to have a sexual encounter with him, but I'd be lying to you.

1:02:10 Drew Your PC folders, your. Yeah. Well, you're kind of an obsessional person.

1:02:17 Adam Is it healthy to have a crush on an older teacher? Sure. Is it something that most school girls go through? Of course.

1:02:23 Drew I have one. You bet. You're sweet ass.

1:02:26 Adam You bet. You bet. Yeah. It was a male.

1:02:28 Caller He was 69.

1:02:30 Drew That's right.

1:02:31 Adam Pulled Benoit balls out of him in his slide room.

1:02:34 Drew November 13th.

1:02:35 Caller November 13th.

1:02:37 Adam Yeah. Lauren. Or Loran. How do you spell your name? How do you spell your name?

1:02:45 Caller L-A-R-E-N.

1:02:47 Adam Yeah.

1:02:48 Drew So you're kind of obsessive compulsive, right? Already that's kind of you. I mean, you do good at school, right?

1:02:54 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:02:54 Drew And you're very, very diligent about things. You're very, your room's real neat and tidy.

1:02:58 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:02:58 Caller No, no. I'm a real messy person, actually.

1:03:02 Drew Real mess. Oh, really? But is it structured in your mind? Genius. Is it structured? Is it a bit of a real chaos in the room?

1:03:06 Caller Oh, shush.

1:03:07 Caller Not most of the time, because my mom, like, hounds me about it, so I do keep it clean and clean.

1:03:12 Drew There's a certain, some OCD people are actually sort of, uh, rat. Pack rats. Pack rats.

1:03:19 Caller I could tell you were speaking English, but I'd be lying to you.

1:03:24 Drew And then, then also, how's your social life? You have, you have good friends?

1:03:29 Caller Yeah.

1:03:30 Drew How are things at home with your parents?

1:03:32 Caller They're not the best. Why? Like, like together, I mean, they're like fighting a lot, but I don't know.

1:03:38 Yeah.

1:03:39 Drew And are you depressed?

1:03:41 Caller Me?

1:03:41 Yeah.

1:03:42 Caller Uh, I was a couple years ago. I was like really like suicidal a couple years ago, but.

1:03:48 Drew Anything like that coming back now?

1:03:49 Caller I don't think so.

1:03:53 Drew Here's the basic beats on this. One is, yes, it's normal to have obsessions about all kinds of males, all kinds of romantic, potential romantic partners, not to act on it, but to have obsessions about it and think about it. It's even okay to have that with a teacher. The problem is that we're, if you start having other symptoms where you can't function, you have trouble sleeping, or you're anxious, and you're obsessing in ways that are maybe peculiar thoughts.

1:04:16 Adam How about homoerotic blowhard?

1:04:18 Drew Hang on a second. But be that as it may, the way to control all that is to try to maintain very close relationship with friends. That's one thing that will really help you have friends.

1:04:25 Adam I'm in the gym and I see another man naked in the shower. Do I check him out? Of course I do.

1:04:30 Drew Every man does.

1:04:31 Adam Does that make me gay? Of course not. Does the constant blowing of strangers however make me gay? And being at the losing end of the glory hole? Yes, of course it does. Sure I am.

1:04:40 Drew Well, it depends on how you look at it.

1:04:42 Adam I've got hepatitis right now.

1:04:43 Drew But having friends, having outside hobbies, having ways to sort of nourish yourself in ways will help reduce some of these symptoms. So just think about that. Don't worry so much about it. Is this normal or not? Take care of yourself. That's more important.

1:04:54 Mm-hmm.

1:04:56 Drew Let's do a little countdown.

1:04:58 Adam Should we do Ace's Mexican, Accordion, Ranchero countdown?

1:05:03 Drew The screeners have not delivered a single Germany or Florida to us in spite of us begging for an hour and a half.

1:05:08 Adam That's all right.

1:05:09 Drew So let's do a countdown.

1:05:12 Adam Well, Anderson, Drew, do you have any idea?

1:05:15 Drew Are you going to do it or is Michelle?

1:05:16 Adam Oh, my pipelines.

1:05:17 Caller They're not playing Ranchero.

1:05:19 Drew So Michelle's going to do it. All right. Michelle's going to do it.

1:05:22 Adam She's got to get right now. Don't play anything yet. Let's do a little.

1:05:27 Drew Michelle's got the tricky music. You know, sometimes she really, she really screws with it.

1:05:31 Adam The question is in Ace's Ranchero, Accordion Countdown, how long before we hear the accordion? And we're popping in random songs at random times.

1:05:41 Drew And because Michelle's music is a little trickier, I'm going to go for a long shot and say 20 seconds.

1:05:44 Adam 20 seconds?

1:05:46 Drew 20 seconds.

1:05:47 Adam 20 seconds?

1:05:49 Drew I mean, I'm going for it.

1:05:50 Adam All right. I'm going two seconds. All right, hold on a second. Hold on. I'm going to wait till the clock gets to 10. I'm going to cue you. Ready? Two, one, go.

1:06:10 Drew Had you scared for me?

1:06:11 Adam A lifetime. Six and a half seconds.

1:06:14 Drew Wow.

1:06:15 Adam A lifetime.

1:06:16 Drew You were holding your breath there for a second.

1:06:18 Adam I was scared.

1:06:19 Drew It was like, what is this? No immediate accordion music? Oh my God.

1:06:23 Adam Let's hear a little more of the song though. I was enjoying that one because that was such a departure from what they normally do. Now, I do speak a little Spanish.

1:06:37 Caller Please, please.

1:06:39 Adam Well, I'm going to translate for you. But that was some great accordion work there. He's a young man. He sings about being a young man. He sings about lamenting that he's in the world's crappiest band and wants to kill himself. And he says with those goddamn trumpets don't stop in the back of his head. He's going to just take a sprinkler key and ram it through his rib cage.

1:07:05 Drew Who knew that was coming?

1:07:06 Adam Now, now, now he says, seriously, if you don't stop that goddamn trumpet music, I'm going to kill myself. Now here, here, here, here, here he prays for his father who was in a ranchero band who killed himself. And, and I took the accordion player with him.

1:07:24 Drew Oh, I knew he was talking about the accordion there.

1:07:25 Adam But he sings here. Unfortunately, it wasn't this guy.

1:07:30 Caller Hey, guys, I had to check in the pipeline that I got.

1:07:34 Caller No, no way.

1:07:35 Adam Yeah, go ahead. But by the way, like you're going to be able to tell the difference.

1:07:38 Drew Let's switch over.

1:07:40 Adam Let's hear.

1:07:40 Drew That's the comedy. The show's going down.

1:07:43 Adam And by the way, it is all one song. That's the point.

1:08:03 Drew Oh, there's a part about the Sprinkler Key again. Yeah.

1:08:06 Caller Her voice is just a little lower.

1:08:08 Adam Yeah. He sings about killing himself here because he's in this band. He begs someone in the audience to shoot him or one of the techs in the recording studio. He says if he hears another second of this music, he's going to implode. Of course. No more, please. I beg of you. And by the way, you know, we whenever we go to these lands unknown and we try to get these dictators to come out of the palaces and we pump over like we pump hard rock over, like we pump in like scorpion and stuff, start pumping the ranchero. These people come out and they'll come out talking to weapons of mass destruction, muttering, muttering, but screaming, ears bleeding, but ready to cooperate. Yes. And because you could pump in the hard rock, but you may just find an evil dictators actually into that kind of music. This, no way. No chance. Impossible. Impossible. Donkey kill itself. It sat next to speaker long enough. You ready to rock?

1:09:22 Drew No, I think we're taking a break.

1:09:24 Adam Taking a break.

1:09:24 Drew Yeah.

1:09:25 Adam All right. Well, Drew, I won that round of a ranchero countdown.

1:09:28 Drew I gave you a little run for your money.

1:09:30 Adam You did because you went 20 seconds. You went long and that was, we've got to go to almost seven. It was almost seven. All right. We'll take a little break. When we come back, use this camera.

1:09:39 Drew I want to get Germany or Florida. We're not going to take a call until they stand up with Germany. Untrue.

1:09:44 Adam I got to help the kids. When we come back, we're going to speak to Tyler. He uses a camera phone to take pictures of a random girl's skirts, fetish. Yes. All that. After this.

1:09:57 Caller So get your problems ready.

1:10:06 Adam Into the billion?

1:10:08 Caller Everything. Hair plugs.

1:10:11 Adam All they need is a max deodorant body scrub. Yeah. Oh yeah.

1:10:18 Caller Hell yeah. Yeah.

1:10:23 Adam Get it on. Got to get it on.

1:10:26 Caller Get it on.

1:10:30 Adam The ace man of the helm.

1:10:34 Drew To my left.

1:10:35 To my right. To my left. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:10:39 Adam Hi, buddy boy. Time to get back to the phones. We got to speak to, well, we got Tyler up here. He's taking pictures.

1:10:45 Drew Tyler and then Jennifer and then Andy. Let's go real quick.

1:10:47 Adam No, no. Yeah. No, no. We got to Germany or Florida.

1:10:50 Drew Want to do that first?

1:10:51 Adam Well, let's just dispatch Tyler because you know he's going to be a jackass. Tyler?

1:10:55 Hello? Hello?

1:10:58 Adam You're 16. What's up?

1:11:00 I got a question for Dr. Drew. I don't know. Recently, I've kind of had like an obsession with like voyeurism. It's been like really bothering me, but like, I don't know, it's kind of like exciting to me to like check out girls like when they don't know.

1:11:17 Drew Yeah. Okay.

1:11:18 Adam Bogus.

1:11:19 Caller No, no. I promise you this is not.

1:11:21 Adam Well, look, is there a 16 year old guy on the planet that doesn't like have a fantasy about seeing the girl's shower room?

1:11:28 Drew Is that what you mean? That kind of thing? Or is there something more going on?

1:11:31 Caller Yeah, sort of. But it's like, I don't know. It's more like an, I don't know how you say it, like an obsession almost.

1:11:39 Adam You have a girlfriend?

1:11:41 Caller Not right now, I don't.

1:11:42 Drew Not right now. This is the equivalent to right now or in the Arby's. Tyler, listen.

1:11:46 Adam It's like asking a penguin whether you have a Lear jet. No, not, what now? A Lear? No, no.

1:11:53 Drew You said Gulfstream? Gulfstream?

1:11:55 Adam Gulfstream? No.

1:11:56 Drew Right now?

1:11:57 Adam No, currently, if you ask me this time next week, I may give you another answer, but right now, no.

1:12:04 Drew Tyler, are you doing anything as a result of these impulses?

1:12:07 Caller What's that?

1:12:07 Drew Are you doing anything as a result of these impulses? Are you doing anything behaviorally? Are you acting out in any way that is dangerous or anything?

1:12:17 Caller No, no, I'm not.

1:12:19 Adam All right, good. His line's bad, so I'm cutting him off. So Sierra's using his camera to take pictures of a chick's skirts.

1:12:26 Drew That's not okay. No, no. Go ahead and stop. If you can't stop, then it is a problem.

1:12:31 Adam Here's the thing, too. No excuse for that in this day and age. There's just gobs and gobs of porn on the internet. And by the way, guys just filming their girlfriends and putting it right up on the internet.

1:12:40 Drew But he likes the danger and the sort of whole... Some of these guys get aroused by the possibility...

1:12:45 Adam How about the danger your stepmom walking in when you're beating off in front of the computer in the family room? How about that danger?

1:12:50 Drew They get off on the of putting themselves in that position of looking at somebody and them catching them while looking at them. That's what causes them to be aroused. It's not just the picture like you. Oh, I became a sobby.

1:13:05 Adam My Indian name was Pragmasack. Very pragmatic scrotum. I didn't need I didn't need the frills. There's that one too. All right, you ready? I'm very pragmatic. I just, you know, I want to see you naked. I don't need that thrill of any.

1:13:23 Drew By the way, that thrill, oh. What if you're caught, Robin?

1:13:29 Adam What if the parachute doesn't open? I don't need any of that.

1:13:33 Drew This is an act of aggression.

1:13:36 Adam Well, speaking of thrill, Germany or Florida, this is exciting. 16?

1:13:44 Yeah.

1:13:45 Adam What's up?

1:13:46 I got Germany or Florida.

1:13:47 Adam Alright, we're all ears.

1:13:50 So this guy, he was 20. He was hit in the leg with pieces of a bullet that he had fired at the exhaust pipe of his car. Apparently, while he was repairing the car, he discovered he needed to bore a hole in the tailpipe. When he couldn't find the drill, he used a tool and tried to shoot a hole in it with his gun. Germany or Florida?

1:14:11 Adam I don't know. But I know what he said. He tried to make a hole in his tailpipe.

1:14:16 Caller With a gun.

1:14:18 Adam Yeah, a German would have not only a drill, but probably a lathe.

1:14:24 Drew With specialized measurement.

1:14:26 Adam Nobody machines. They would have dies and cutters, probably some sort of CNC machine. No way.

1:14:35 Drew If this is not Florida, it's one of the better Germany or Florida we've ever had. It's so characteristic Florida. It smacks so much of Florida. It gives us nothing Germanic. So, we're both going Florida.

1:14:49 That's Florida.

1:14:51 Adam Yes. Thank you for your honesty, Andy.

1:14:56 I miss it when he doesn't sing it.

1:15:05 Adam I like that one. I have better Germany or Florida. Eric? 29. What's going on, my brother?

1:15:13 Caller I got a Germany or Florida for you. I didn't know you already had one lined up.

1:15:16 Adam Yours is going to be better.

1:15:19 Caller I guarantee. Two 15-year-old boys were taken into custody after throwing a puppy from a highway overpass onto a speeding car below. After being questioned by authorities.

1:15:29 Drew Wait a minute.

1:15:30 Adam Was that your dog?

1:15:31 Caller No, that's my buddy I work with.

1:15:34 Adam He just did the puppy thing.

1:15:38 Drew The timing was exquisite.

1:15:40 Caller He said it sounded like a dog.

1:15:44 Adam He threw the puppy off the overpass, hit a car.

1:15:47 Caller Okay, onto a speeding car below. After being questioned by authorities, the boys said that the puppy was possessed by evil spirits.

1:16:00 Drew My gut tells me Germany.

1:16:01 Adam Yeah, it's tough. You just think everything's Florida, everything bad Florida, but...

1:16:06 Drew It's a little bit creative. It's creative. Speeding car.

1:16:11 Adam Cars don't make it over 25 here. They get the shakes.

1:16:17 Drew Two guys throw it. That's a one white trash move with the puppy.

1:16:22 Adam I don't know. That's neither here nor there.

1:16:24 Drew Two guys.

1:16:26 Adam What about the overpass part? Does Autobahn even have overpasses?

1:16:31 Drew I've never seen it. Yes, I think it does. They're not very freaky.

1:16:34 Caller There's highways in Germany besides the Autobahn.

1:16:37 Drew Speeding, though.

1:16:38 Caller I suspect. I don't know for sure. Two guys.

1:16:40 Drew He's tipping his hand for it. Two guys in Florida would be a gang.

1:16:46 Adam Big gang.

1:16:46 Drew Big gang activity.

1:16:48 Adam So we're going to Germany? We're going to Germany, Eric.

1:16:51 Caller Excellent. You guys wanted Bonn, Germany. Adam. I've been waiting for you to bring out your cranberry sauce. I made that last year and it kicked ass.

1:17:04 Adam Really? Thank you. Thank you, Eric. And you guys just bought another ten years of me doing that. That's all it took. All the hate letters. Program director talking to me. Can opener. The enemy of Thanksgiving is that is what kryptonite is to Superman. That's what the can opener is to Thanksgiving, Drew.

1:17:23 Drew Yes, it is indeed.

1:17:25 Adam Now, I'm not going to give the recipe out.

1:17:27 Drew Give them a sort of thumbnail of what they can expect.

1:17:32 Adam Here's all I'm saying, everybody. It is not okay to open a can of cranberries after cooking seven...

1:17:39 Drew What do they call it? Cranberry sauce, right? True.

1:17:43 Adam Opening a can of cranberries is enough.

1:17:47 Drew What you don't like is not the can of cranberries. You don't like the sauce with the can left indented in the gelatinous goo.

1:17:53 Adam Thank you, but no. No cans containing cranberries shall be opened during Thanksgiving. Yes, the stuff that comes out like dog food from the 70s is worse.

1:18:07 Drew You cut the cranberries into slices.

1:18:09 Adam Bad. But opening cans is unacceptable during Thanksgiving. That's the essence of Thanksgiving. What do you think, the Pilgrims brought the Indians a can opener? Please. You don't open cans and people don't. They don't open a can of turkey, a can of stuffing, a can of green beans. That's the one day you slave away, you make a big fresh, handmade meal, fresh meal, and then at the end of it, people open the can and they dump the can out onto the thing, and I'm saying it's unacceptable.

1:18:40 Caller Do you think those pilgrims bought their frozen turkey from the market?

1:18:43 Adam Alright, pat yourself down, would you Anderson? And let me finish my jag. Here's my point. Yeah, I know. Touche. Here's what I'm saying. Please, work on another outgoing message, would you? Here's what I'm saying. How dare you, by the way, interrupt my jag with your retardism. Here's what I'm saying.

1:19:05 Drew I'm listening. I'm all ears.

1:19:07 Adam It's so easy to do it yourself. Open the sack, throw it in the thing, put the sugar in. I now bring it with me.

1:19:14 Drew Let's say it's 50% more difficult. A thousand times better.

1:19:18 Adam A thousand times better.

1:19:19 Drew Come on.

1:19:20 Adam Oh, put a little zest of lemon in there. It's warm.

1:19:23 Drew I like putting little walnuts in there.

1:19:24 Adam Says you care. Says you care.

1:19:27 Drew Says you're not a retard.

1:19:29 Adam And it's nothing. It's a zero. You open the sack of cranberries, put it in the saucepan.

1:19:34 Drew Full water.

1:19:34 Adam Listen. Are you listening, Michelle?

1:19:36 Drew Carefully. You've never witnessed this, have you?

1:19:39 Adam You put it in a cup. I think it's two cups or a cup of water, half cup, three-quarters cup of sugar.

1:19:45 Drew Put the lid over.

1:19:46 Adam Done. Eight minutes, medium, done. Done and done and delightful. Now I'm a snob and if I'm going over to like my Aunt Pat's house.

1:19:56 Drew You bring your own.

1:19:57 Adam Actually, I said house. I mean apartment. I will bring my own and she gives me the stink eye. Like what's going on? She pulls out the gelatinous thing that's serrated with the shape of the can. Throws that crap out of the table. Ha ha. I pull the cranberry sauce on. She's like what? Not good enough? Listen. We're in a different tax bracket. You know what I'm saying? I expect a little something else out of life. That's all.

1:20:21 Drew I gotta go to one of these.

1:20:22 Adam It's very uncomfortable. It's very uncomfortable. It's alright. The booze makes it all go away.

1:20:29 Drew I gotta go to Corolla Thanksgiving.

1:20:31 Adam That's great when I get drunk and start yelling at my dad. Well, it was one year I bought my friend's dad a TV set.

1:20:40 Drew Yeah, I remember that.

1:20:41 Adam And I was mad and, you know, it was uncomfortable.

1:20:44 Drew And what did you tell your dad?

1:20:45 Adam Told me he should have bought him a TV set because I ate over this guy's house 500 times.

1:20:48 Drew What did he say?

1:20:50 Adam He's like a big sponge. What are you going to say? He's got nothing. Alright.

1:20:55 Drew Does he laugh? Does he smile?

1:20:56 Adam No.

1:20:56 Drew Hide his head?

1:20:57 Adam Uncomfortable.

1:20:58 Drew Just lets you rant.

1:20:59 Adam Once in a while my sister gets a little drunk and screams, You didn't want to teach us to read? It was okay. We didn't know how to read. Oh, very uncomfortable.

1:21:07 Drew It's high comedy though too.

1:21:08 Adam It's uncomfortable though.

1:21:09 Drew I have to.

1:21:11 Adam Don't go when my sister gets a buzz and wants to know why we never learned to read.

1:21:16 Drew It's the best.

1:21:16 Adam Uncomfortable.

1:21:18 Drew What does he say? What do they say?

1:21:19 Adam They got nothing. What do you mean? They got nothing. They got nothing. Different time.

1:21:24 Drew Robert, do they say that? Different time?

1:21:27 Adam No. They got nothing. It just, it just, right out the storm. Robert?

1:21:32 Yeah.

1:21:32 Adam You're 18? You're gay?

1:21:35 Caller Yeah.

1:21:36 Adam You're virgin?

1:21:37 Caller Yeah.

1:21:37 Drew Good time.

1:21:38 Adam The, so you're behind and is intact? Yes.

1:21:43 Caller I guess you could say that.

1:21:44 Adam Alright. How, how, what have you done with a guy?

1:21:48 Caller Um, not much really. I've only known I was gay for about like three weeks now.

1:21:53 Adam Oh!

1:21:54 Drew I understand that. How did it, how did it come, come into focus suddenly three weeks ago?

1:21:59 Caller Um, you know, I really couldn't tell you. Just like one day I was just like, you know, I'm looking at guys more than girls.

1:22:06 Drew You just, you sort of let it in. Just like, oh my god, this is really me. Not good for you. So what's the question?

1:22:14 Caller Um, I've been told by people that having sexual intercourse with another man will... you'll get, like, more STDs than you will if you have sex with a woman.

1:22:25 Drew If you are the receptive partner, the catcher in anal intercourse, that's a better way, a more efficient way to transmit sexually transmitted diseases. And gay males do tend to have at least the ones that are sexually active and they tend to have more partners contract more diseases and then transmit it very effectively through anal intercourse.

1:22:45 Adam You want to be the pitcher, not the catcher, but what you really don't want to be, what I did for a while was bullpen catcher. I mean that's really bad.

1:22:53 Drew That's tough.

1:22:54 Adam Yeah. I mean that's all the disease of the catcher but none of the glory.

1:22:58 Drew What?

1:22:59 Adam You don't bat, you just catch. You just catch and there's a new guy coming in warming up all the time.

1:23:04 Drew Oh, I see.

1:23:05 Adam You know, the skipper goes to the arm, makes all of a sudden, new guy comes in who's wearing just a sleeve on one of the arms. By the way, is the pitcher, go ahead and put the whole windbreaker on. More trouble just to drag it over one arm?

1:23:19 Drew I thought the boss had an ice pack on his arm the moment the game was over.

1:23:24 Adam Oh yeah.

1:23:25 Drew It's amazing.

1:23:26 Adam All right. So bullpen catcher bad, catcher not as bad, but still bad. But still bad. And pitcher, that's where it's at.

1:23:32 Drew That's good times. All right.

1:23:34 Adam So Robert, yes, it could happen that way.

1:23:36 Drew And we, most game men don't have anal inter, are you looking forward to anal intercourse? Is that something that arouses you?

1:23:42 Caller Yeah, a little.

1:23:43 Drew Because most game men actually have oral sex with each other. It tends to be the sort of standard bearer.

1:23:51 Adam side of the anal intercourse are you looking forward to being on?

1:23:56 Caller Probably the receiver, or not the receiver, the giver.

1:24:00 Drew Pitcher.

1:24:01 Adam Smart. Do we see yourself as a starter or like middle reliever?

1:24:09 Drew Kind of condoms, Robert. Condoms.

1:24:11 Adam That's what I need when I'm catching and they go to Gagne. All of a sudden comes running out. He's angry. He's greased up, working his sweats, glass punching his man. Oh Christ, this is going to be bad. It's going to be a tough one. Guys coming with the hard heat.

1:24:28 Caller Over fast, though.

1:24:29 Adam Coming with the heat.

1:24:32 Caller That would just suck though, right?

1:24:34 Adam Gagne running out there, maybe John Rocker just running at your ass.

1:24:38 Caller Just running.

1:24:39 Adam Angry. Fire it up.

1:24:41 Drew Yeah.

1:24:43 Alright.

1:24:43 Adam You ready to take a break here, Drew?

1:24:44 I am.

1:24:45 Drew No, I'm not. I'm not.

1:24:46 Oh yeah?

1:24:47 Drew I am not. I don't ever want to take a break again.

1:24:49 Adam Well guess who's ready for a break?

1:24:51 Drew You're not.

1:24:52 Adam The Ace Man.

1:24:52 Drew You're not.

1:24:55 Adam Oh, I'm not? Yes, I am. Yes, I am. I'm ready for a break. There's.

1:25:14 Caller Hey everybody, it's Loveline.

1:25:15 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

1:25:17 Drew I'll spare you. Look what I'm doing. Who's your friend?

1:25:20 Adam Drew stinks, man. Drew ate chili tonight. He's blowing egg belch over here.

1:25:26 Drew Adam's whining like a little little baby boy.

1:25:29 Adam Let me tell you something. More egregious than the ass gas is the belch. When you get a shot of someone's belch every once in a while, it's...

1:25:37 Drew Yeah, the definite vomit.

1:25:40 Adam It's weird. You know what it is? It's unnerving. Whereas the gas is something you sort of grow up used to or something.

1:25:48 Drew It's kind of a challenge to the gas.

1:25:52 Adam It's the devil you know. You know what I mean? Whereas the Belch, that just goes against the Geneva Convention. It's bad, it's weird. And guys will hit you with it once in a while.

1:26:02 Drew There's so much variation.

1:26:03 Adam Yeah, yeah, and salacity. Yeah, that's bad times. And it's not BO and it's not fart and it's not sack and it's not that smelly head thing.

1:26:13 Drew It's in the vomit range.

1:26:14 Adam Yeah, it's egregious.

1:26:16 Drew There's nothing fun about that. No, so knock it off.

1:26:18 Adam Jason?

1:26:21 Yeah.

1:26:22 Adam You're 20?

1:26:23 Caller Yeah, that's right.

1:26:26 Adam Oh, you're here defending Ranchero music?

1:26:29 Caller Yeah, I actually am. I'm a long time listener. I'm a student at LMU. I just think that...

1:26:38 Adam Loyola Marymount University?

1:26:40 Caller You bansy!

1:26:41 Adam Alright, yes.

1:26:43 Caller No, but I just have a lot of friends that listen to it.

1:26:47 Drew Really? In college?

1:26:48 Adam No.

1:26:51 Caller No, really, yeah.

1:26:52 Drew In college.

1:26:53 Adam Hold on, get a little bed going underneath it.

1:26:58 Caller But just...

1:26:59 Adam You have a lot of college friends that listen to this?

1:27:01 Caller Yeah, I've actually gone to a concert before. I mean, I can't say it's my favorite type of music, but they sold out Dodger Stadium for a big event, Ranchero event in Los Angeles. I mean, it has a pretty big following. I think there's a couple radio stations dedicated to it.

1:27:16 Adam I know, but it does... Hitler had a pretty big following and it didn't make it right. You know what I'm saying? It was still bad. It was still evil.

1:27:24 Caller I don't think it's bad or evil.

1:27:26 Adam Well, okay, maybe evil.

1:27:29 Caller It's just...

1:27:30 Adam It's horrible music. It's painfully bad. I don't care where you're from.

1:27:35 Caller Another person's trash. Maybe another person's fine.

1:27:40 Adam Yeah, treasure, but this ain't it. This is bad to everybody.

1:27:43 Drew Every culture, and you cannot judge...

1:27:46 Adam It's impossible to judge.

1:27:47 Drew A lot of cultures have music that if you're not raised with it, it strikes your ear strangely. Or irritatingly. You think about some of the Indian music, some of the Eastern music and stuff.

1:27:57 Adam Nah, I can usually find some redeeming quality in almost all of that stuff.

1:28:03 Caller There's some redeeming quality you can find in Ranchero music.

1:28:07 Drew I imagine Western music must sound irritating and weird to people too. American Western music.

1:28:12 Adam Now, it's bad. It's just not, this is painful bad. It forces you to leave wherever it is. It's good. It drives people out of the room. You can't seriously like this garbage, can you, Jason?

1:28:27 Caller I mean, I've listened to it. I can't say I love the stuff.

1:28:31 Adam You listen to it as playing on the lunch truck. But you don't listen to it in your dorm room, do you?

1:28:37 Caller I can't say listen to it in the dorm room. It's not too bad though. I mean, I'm not even, you know, Mexican.

1:28:43 Adam I could see if I was loaded. Like I was completely blasted out of my mind. I could probably do with a song and a half.

1:28:50 Drew Couldn't it set a tone? Let's say you're in Cabo and you're in a restaurant.

1:28:55 Adam No, it's still obnoxious.

1:28:56 Caller tortilla chips, tacos, that type of thing.

1:28:59 Drew Listen, by the way, we love Mexican food. Both you and I, right?

1:29:05 Adam Drew, stop kissing Mexican eggs. I'm just thinking here. Listen, they're my brothers, but I'm just saying, as a brother, I gotta call spade a spade here. This is horrible. Food, great. This, bad. That's all. And then I could do some on not bad with the taxis, too.

1:29:26 Drew Bad taxis. They have a new Orange County called Laguna Beach. Have you seen this thing on MTV?

1:29:33 Adam The real Orange County?

1:29:34 Drew Yes, it's crazy. I kind of grew up in Laguna Beach. It's a really wild scene.

1:29:38 Adam You grew up listening to Ranchero?

1:29:39 Drew It made me think about Cabo and Ranchero music. Mexican food.

1:29:43 Adam Listen, they got stuff that you listen to when you're in Mexico that is a little different than this. That is enjoyable and it captures the ambiance of your environment. This ain't it. This sucks. It's important to say that. Here's what I'm saying.

1:29:59 Drew Are these American Mexicans?

1:30:03 Adam Here's what I'm saying. You go over to the Middle East. They do a little over to Africa. They rip the young girls that clits out with the machete.

1:30:12 Caller Wrong.

1:30:14 Drew Regardless.

1:30:15 Adam Ranchero music?

1:30:16 Caller Wrong.

1:30:17 Adam You gotta make a call every once in a while. Not as bad, but almost. Just wrong. That's all. It's okay. Focus on the good part. It's like, look, when your kid brings home a report card and he's got a bunch of A's and then there's a D. What are you supposed to do? Not bring it up? You love the kid. You encourage him. Say well he's doing in their class. Go ahead and point out the D, though. This is the D. Or the F. Christina?

1:30:44 Yes.

1:30:44 Adam You're 20?

1:30:46 Caller I'm 20.

1:30:47 Caller What's up?

1:30:48 Caller It'll be a year ago, November 9th.

1:30:50 Caller I was in a car accident.

1:30:52 Caller Me and my boyfriend.

1:30:53 Caller I was paralyzed and he didn't make it. What I'm wondering is, I read a lot of books on spinal cord injuries.

1:31:22 Drew Well, for women, to some extent. It's your autonomic nervous system that's actually caused the orgasm.

1:31:26 Adam What happened with the car accident?

1:31:29 Caller Well, I was a tweaker.

1:31:33 Drew You were a tweaker?

1:31:36 Caller Crystal mass, sorry. I was out for about four days and my boyfriend came back from Mexico and was pissed and sorry.

1:31:46 Adam He didn't hear too much of that Ranchero music. It's going nuts over there, right?

1:31:50 Drew What level are you in spinal injury?

1:31:53 Caller L1.

1:31:54 Drew L1, okay. Lumbar spine.

1:31:57 Adam Good or bad? As far as paralysis goes, it's good, right? All right, so your boyfriend was angry. You got behind the wheel.

1:32:10 Caller Well, he gave me a downer so I could sleep.

1:32:13 Caller And I fell asleep driving.

1:32:16 Adam And where was he?

1:32:17 Caller He was the passenger.

1:32:20 Drew Do you want me to pick this up tomorrow night? Christine, can we talk to you again tomorrow night?

1:32:24 Caller Yeah, you want me to call you tomorrow night?

1:32:26 Drew We'll call you. We'll call you.

1:32:29 Adam We've got to take a break. And there's much more here to talk about. Drew wasted the segment talking about Ranchero music. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:32:39 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

1:33:19 Adam Yeah, well, that's it, y'all. That's the show. Carrie Elway's in here tomorrow night from Saw, the new horror movie. And then Jimmy World on Thursday night. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Give us a little something or I'm gonna hang up on you.

1:33:39 Caller I'm gonna have to say good night then.

1:33:46 Caller The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, October 26, 2004