Episode 1000653273796

0:57 Voiceover Online is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:20 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline. Phone number 1-800-W-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, DigiMed, blah, blah, blah.

1:31 Drew Finally, we're alone to play accordion countdown by ourselves.

1:35 Adam Yeah, I'm not sure that's going to work with engineer Chris at the helm.

1:38 Drew What are you talking about?

1:40 Adam Well, engineer Michelle was the one who loaded up the Ranchero music.

1:44 Drew Yeah, but he originated this whole game, didn't he?

1:48 Adam I'm not sure.

1:48 Drew He wasn't here for it?

1:49 Adam I miss Michelle already. I told Drew, Michelle's the only one I've ever met who's liked this show, has actually worked on this show.

1:56 Drew She's the only one.

1:57 Adam I've never seen anyone smile at anything I've ever said in the nine years I've been here.

2:01 Drew She laughs.

2:02 Adam She actually laughs.

2:02 Drew I was shocked to see that.

2:04 Adam I'm saying even smile.

2:06 Drew That almost sent her out to the hospital.

2:07 You guys are such dicks, really. Brian laughed all the time. He still does laugh in here. And I actually laughed for the first year and a half.

2:15 Adam Yeah.

2:16 And then the laughter stopped. You're going to laugh for me. Occasionally.

2:23 Adam No, no. No, listen. Nothing against you guys. I mean, obviously, you know, you're more evolved or something. You know, it's one of those personal preference things. And we've just been unlucky for the time that I've been here. I've never actually worked with anyone who liked this show. Or at least as far as I can tell.

2:40 Drew Could express it.

2:40 Adam Never saw it. Yeah. But Michelle is all smiling and laughing.

2:45 Drew Maybe she's the one that actually hates the show.

2:47 Adam Oh, overcompensation. Absolutely. In that case, Lauren loves it. All right. Where are we?

2:53 Drew You can talk about.

2:55 Adam Yeah, I got stuff.

2:56 Drew Put your tapes in.

2:58 Adam We got things. We'll get to them.

2:59 Drew Did you get drunk this weekend?

3:00 Adam Take some calls. Did I? A couple, you know.

3:04 Drew How did I know that?

3:05 Adam How did you know it? It was Friday and it was Saturday. That's how you knew it.

3:09 Drew That's what I'm talking about.

3:09 Adam I did my thing. I had my red wine.

3:12 Drew Your medicine.

3:13 Adam My medicine. I ate a little Korean barbecue last night. Oh my God. Can you eat in those places? You ever go to a Korean barbecue place?

3:21 Drew Yeah.

3:21 Adam They, you know, they fire up the hibachi right in your lap.

3:24 Drew Yeah.

3:25 Adam The table just has a nonstop flame going and the woman just keeps dumping stuff in it. And it's always tough when you're dealing, you know, ever Los Angeles is one big language barrier. So you never quite know where you're at. You know, so it's like you and two other guys. And you're like, OK, we got the chicken and we got the pork and we got the beef. Is that enough? Well, do you think we should get more? You want more? No, no. I'm very confused.

3:54 Drew The menu is very complex. Vegetables.

3:58 Adam It's just the three of us. Is that a good? Because, you know, where we're hungry, you want more? We don't need more. But should we get some more? You want shrimp? Yeah. Yeah. We got some shrimp. We got some shrimp. Is that enough? It's good. You want more? I don't know. Backed up a flatbed truck and just covered us in sauteed meats and vegetables. And here's the thing about the Korean barbecue. You can't stop eating it because it's done incrementally. Right.

4:31 Drew Right. It's in stages. But by the time you know you're full, you've had 600 pounds of meat.

4:35 Adam You've eaten three and a half cows. Yeah. But you've done it, you know, one cocktail weenie at a time.

4:40 Drew Right.

4:40 Adam It's just here's a little bit. Oh, that's done. You reach over and eat that. And then you're waiting for them to cook up the next thing. You're just sort of sitting there.

4:47 Drew You're cooking it yourself, right?

4:49 Adam Little each. She's dumping it in. You're monkeying with it. It's unclear whether you can monkey with it or not. But eventually you're on your own.

4:56 Drew And the vegetables primarily kimchi.

4:58 Adam The vegetables just a little, yeah, a little cabbage in there soaked in cat urine. So that's off. And then the vegetables come last, by the way, which is like, well, let's see, I've eaten a sheep, two pigs, a cow and part of a dinosaur. I think I got no I got no room for this tomato here, understand? By the way, I'm only eating stuff that was alive and that made a noise and took a dump. So yeah, cabbage, mushroom, no, just ate and ate and ate and ate and never stopped. Beer just keeps coming. Food just keeps coming. Yeah, recommended.

5:31 Drew That's how you got wasted?

5:32 Adam No, no, that's just that's just that's just that was average. But never just never stopped eating. Just realize you essentially if you took everything that you ate over the course of the two hours of the nonstop grazing, you would fill four full plates.

5:46 Drew You know, just thinking about the the young like the young adult male and how we how tough we are in the overweight people, think about the average overweight, you know, a young male will not only eat a giant meal, will drink about 3000 calories with a beer.

6:00 Adam Yeah.

6:00 Drew And they go on about their next day without thinking about it and then not gain a pound, not gain an ounce.

6:04 Adam Oh, yeah. Oh, no, they'll drink eight cokes a day and then have a six pack when they get home. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, fatty. Yeah. Hey, lazy. Hey, sloppy. Have some pride. Yeah. All right. You ready to rock? There you go. Nick? You know, it's funny. We're we're meeting at one Korean barbecue place except for burnt down, which by the way, you know, there's a bonfire going. It's essentially a, you know, fifty five gallon drum that's been lit on fire. It's like a Rocky movie, you know, just a bunch of bums standing around cooking kimchi on it. I can't imagine there's not a fire every fifteen minutes in one of those oils and things. Yeah. Just dumping stuff, flames are licking up, people drunk.

6:45 Drew Every table's got a Bunsen burner, basically.

6:47 Adam Every every every table's got a stove on it. It's sort of it's Benny Hanna minus the supervision. You're on your own. Right. And it's really it's like giving kids kids the keys to a tank or something. But yeah. Another thing I love about Korea town, once you turn on the Western, you know you're in it because you ain't move. Oh, you know, they make fun of the Japanese and the Chinese Koreans give them a run or not give them a run for the money in the driving department. They ain't good at garden liquor stores. Not great at the drive. Yes. Nick. Hey, Drew came up with a great came up the great invention over Kimmel. Yeah. You know, you know, they put those those plastic owls on top of the roof and I'm trying to keep the pigeons away. Right. Fight a liquor store. Plastic Korean just up there with the gun. You know what I'm saying?

7:43 Drew We have to actually plaster. Could it be blow up?

7:45 Adam I think they apply. I made the same thing. They make the owls out of these.

7:49 Drew Those those reality people like the guys that make the crazy chicks. The crazy girls that are made out of latex.

7:54 Adam Now the fake.

7:55 Drew True.

7:55 Adam You're missing the point. It has to be the exact same thing as the owl, except for it's the Korean guy with the hunting rifle.

8:02 Drew He's just a hollow made out of a plastic.

8:04 Adam Same thing. Exactly. Crudely painted. Just up there. Parapet comes up to his waist. He's just there. Perfect. Now look, I'm not, you know, that's not a slight against those people. Those are proud people. I just say you'd probably make some money putting those on your roof. You know, work for work at your house still. Think about it. Nice people coming up looking for trouble. Uh-uh. They found the wrong place. Nick.

8:29 How you doing?

8:30 Adam What's happening?

8:31 Long time. Listen, my first time caller.

8:33 Adam Great. You're 22. What's up?

8:36 Caller I'm having a little trouble giving my girlfriend the orgasm problem, problem being that she the particular position that she favors happens to be like the most uncomfortable for me. She was like she'll sit on top and instead of going up and down, she'll do like a back and forth grinding motion. And I tend to lose my direction during that.

9:03 Adam So yeah, it's tough.

9:05 Drew It's just because it's uncomfortable.

9:07 Caller It's extremely uncomfortable.

9:09 Drew Does she know that she's maybe doing a little too much or too far with it or?

9:12 Caller Yeah. And the problem is, is once I bring it up, the next time we go for it, she starts getting really self-conscious of it. And then, I mean, she has a lot of trouble getting orgasms anyway.

9:23 Adam But she can have one that way with the clitoral stimulation doing the old.

9:28 Drew Well, God bless her for having figured that out.

9:31 Adam You're a little bit ahead of the game, though. But I understand that that position can be sort of rough on the hunker. But how about a sort of in between that and up and down?

9:44 Caller Well, yeah, no, I've tried that, too. It's really tough. We haven't been able to do that. She's really adamant about the back and forth, unfortunately.

9:54 Adam Hmm. Along with my plastic Korean to put on top of the liquor stores, how about they defended their liquor stores very tenaciously during the riots some years back. I recall. People around the country don't know. How about some sort of belt like what we call the money belt? It's got a little dorsal fin on it. Just a little.

10:15 Drew Well, that's what I was thinking.

10:18 Adam All it is is one of those things you stick on the phone. You know, those foam rubber pads you'd stick on the phone back in the day. Just sort of so you could tuck it under your shoulder. Something like that shaped it just right on right there.

10:28 Drew It needs to be on the pubic bone basically.

10:30 Adam You slide it down a little bit, but you get the picture.

10:34 Drew You have to be like a strap on. Quite literally had to go around the legs, probably.

10:37 Adam And yes, it wouldn't pull up.

10:39 Drew Move.

10:39 Adam Yeah.

10:40 Drew And that's what I'm thinking. Actually, they need to kind of.

10:44 Adam The dorsal dog. Yeah.

10:50 Drew They need to organize something, the two of them. They need they need to kind of really figure this out.

10:55 Adam Yeah. Nick, why don't you try my idea?

10:58 Drew What's going to use?

10:59 Adam Well, like any pioneer, you got to invent. I would start with a strap on. What if you got a strap on and you just ground off the the honker part or you left it flat?

11:13 Drew Maybe.

11:14 Caller Leave the little knob right there.

11:17 Drew Something. Yeah.

11:17 Adam I mean, nothing sharp. But you know what?

11:19 Drew You know these these crazy stores. They got to have something there.

11:23 Adam Oh, yeah.

11:24 Drew They got to have something.

11:25 Adam Now, if you can think of it, they got it. I took a tour of one of those places once where they manufacture that stuff. Crazy. Poor Guatemalan women just sewing pubes on the nads all day. No contacts at all for their work. You know, 55 year old women just like as if they're working in a box shop, you know, or just in any conveyor belt where they're like, you know, putting Barbie heads on.

11:49 Drew I can just see Lucy and Ethel now. Just just just it's a new I Love Lucy episode.

11:54 Adam Down the conveyor belt comes the dong and it's got the cyber flesh on it and you're sewing the pubes on. That's your gig. And then it's off into the finished hopper. Yeah, you got a 10 minute break every two hours and a half hour.

12:08 Drew How much of that stuff sells that there needs to be factories of manufacturing? I'm sure there's not just one.

12:14 Adam No, it's not just one. And it it ain't, you know, 2000 square feet. It's 30,000 square feet, maybe 50. I mean, it is big. It is huge. I don't know. I'm going to I'm going to go ahead and sell like that overseas markets.

12:29 Drew Stuff like that makes my head explode. Were there things that you think the how many?

12:34 Adam Yeah. How many how many people have a novel? Well, actually, I have one.

12:38 Drew Yeah. But you, John, Ron, Jeremy gave you that.

12:40 Adam That's true. But the point is, is how many people go out and buy a dong. And the thing is, is like half of them are probably bought for novelty, for gags, for I hope so, for bachelor parties and things like that. On the other hand, they're 60, 70 bucks. It's starting to get a little expensive now when you're just talking about for a gag. Don't pretend like you don't know.

13:06 Ricky? Yes?

13:07 Adam You're 23?

13:09 Caller Yes.

13:10 Drew What's up?

13:12 Caller I guess I was calling because I had a question.

13:15 Drew All right.

13:18 Caller I was just wondering how I would be able to have a G-Split orgasm because it seems like I'm only being able to have them clitoral.

13:28 Drew Some women, yes. Do you have that during intercourse? Do you have a clitoral orgasm?

13:34 Caller Yes, or other ways too, but...

13:38 Drew But you have it during intercourse?

13:39 Caller Yes, I could if I'm on top.

13:42 Drew Okay, you're way ahead, way ahead.

13:46 Adam We would be insulting our female listeners who never had an orgasm or any woman that's ever been with me if we took time for your question. It's a slap in the face.

13:56 Drew But the fact is that this whole notion that G-spas are way overstated. Yes, there's a slightly different feeling from the inside and yes, sometimes you get it just right, you can stimulate that, but for the most part, some women have those kinds of orgasms and some just don't.

14:09 Adam But it's really as if we were addressing an auditorium of special Olympians and some able-bodied guy stood up and said that, you know, he does, he's doing the 100 meters and he's doing a 9, 9, 9, 4 and he wants to shave a couple of tenths off and we spent 10 minutes with him. Yeah, way ahead of the game. 23 having the orgasm.

14:33 Drew With intercourse? Please.

14:35 Adam Retire.

14:36 Drew Yeah.

14:37 Adam Hang your vagina up. Send it down to Cooperstown.

14:39 Drew It's as good as it gets. And by the way, again, it's the crazy crap in our culture that makes somebody like that think, well, I don't have it right. I got to get it better. Right. Not only do you have it better than the vast majority, I'm sure it's fine. It is. It's fine.

14:55 Adam It is. Well, it was fine.

14:57 Drew I'm sure.

14:58 Adam It was fine until you started looking for another mountain to climb.

15:02 Drew Or reading about it somewhere. It's something elusive that was supposed to be something you could have that's not for you.

15:07 Adam Well, that's what I'm saying. Why constantly put that challenge out there, which is something better for me on the other side. This is fine. You're having the big O. Fantabulous. Stephanie. Stephanie.

15:23 Hello.

15:25 Adam 22. What's up, baby doll?

15:27 I'm seeking a little advice.

15:29 Adam All right. Go ahead.

15:30 So I'm 22 and I'm a virgin. And I'm single and I'm looking, not necessarily looking for anything that's long term or short term or anything. I'm just looking, you know, to date. I'm young. I'm not looking for anything serious or anything.

15:49 Adam Why not something serious? You're 22.

15:53 Caller I'm not out there for strictly a long term relationship.

15:57 Caller I'm just out there to meet people.

15:58 Drew What is your question? You haven't asked us a question yet. What? How can we help?

16:01 Caller So are guys turned off by virgins?

16:04 Drew No, they're freaked out.

16:06 Adam No, they're not.

16:07 Drew Listen, there's two possible ways a guy can react. There are three, but two not so positive. One is, oh my God, I don't want the responsibility for being the first because she's going to have lots of long term with me. A, B, I want to have sex. She's not into that. So you narrow it down a little bit.

16:25 Adam That's the more applicable one.

16:27 Drew No, I understand. And then C would be guys are just fine with it. But it's a you sort of hold on.

16:34 Adam That's not three guys that aren't into it.

16:36 Drew That's two. I said there are three possible reactions.

16:42 Adam So here's my take. I think most guys would find this sort of refreshing in this day and age. They'd also find it a bit of a challenge. And most guys, especially if you didn't hit them over the head with I'm waiting till I get married. If you said they said, why are you a virgin? It's just have met the right guy. That's a challenge. Is that why you're a virgin?

17:04 Caller That's why I'm a virgin because everybody sucks. I mean, the guys that I've dated have just never been something.

17:12 Drew Every single that's that's the gauntlet is down at that point. Yeah. Every guy goes, no, no, no, no. You understand.

17:17 Adam Well, so is there anything wrong with you physically?

17:20 Caller No, there's nothing wrong with me physically. I I'm attractive. I'm smart.

17:27 Caller I have.

17:30 Caller I think I'm a good person.

17:31 Drew Are you going to professional training or something?

17:35 Adam I think I'm a good person doesn't help us at all.

17:37 Caller No, I mean, I'm normal. I really am.

17:41 Caller I'm normal. I have good morals, good values.

17:44 Adam No, no, we don't care about that stuff. How tall are you?

17:46 Caller I mean, how tall are you going to do this to me? I am five three one twenty five.

17:52 Adam Five three one twenty five. I got to do a little radio math, a little bit of radio math. Let's see. Five three one twenty five. What's that? Two times two, Drew? Four. And then one times four?

18:08 Four.

18:09 Adam And then four plus one?

18:12 Drew Five. Five.

18:15 Adam And two times four again is five?

18:17 Drew Two times four is eight. Eight. OK.

18:20 Adam And eight and five is? Thirteen. Let's get back. Where is she?

18:24 Drew Four.

18:25 Adam Stephanie, a four? Two times eight is four?

18:28 Drew She's on four. She's on line four.

18:31 Adam But two times?

18:32 Drew Eight is sixteen.

18:32 Adam Sixteen. I got five one and thirty one thirty seconds. So almost five two and one thirty three.

18:45 Caller No, not at all. It's interesting people think I'm five four. I'm really underestimating the height.

18:55 Adam Well, like I said, you're just a thirty second away from being five two. All right. Have you ever had an orgasm with a guy?

19:04 Drew By yourself?

19:06 Caller No.

19:06 Drew I've never had one.

19:08 Adam Not by yourself either. Why not?

19:11 Do you have night experiences?

19:16 Caller I've never done it. I mean, I mean, no, I've never done it.

19:21 Drew Never done what?

19:22 Caller I've never masturbated.

19:24 Drew And do you have night dreams, sexual dreams at night?

19:27 Caller Yeah, I have.

19:28 Drew And during those, do you have orgasm?

19:32 Caller No.

19:33 Drew No.

19:36 Adam All right. So this isn't a religious thing.

19:39 Caller I mean, I am religious, but it's not based on a religious thing.

19:44 Adam Well, look, okay. Here's the thing. You're attractive. You're educated. You're going places. You have no baggage.

19:53 Drew Don't worry about it. Do not let it factor into your thinking, what the guys react, how they react.

20:00 Adam Yeah. And I mean, look, half of this stuff is sort of right place, right time. I mean, not half of it, but a quarter. Here's my point. Eighty percent of society sort of makes their own luck and guides their own destiny. Ten percent just happen to be places where they just luck out. You know what I mean? There's that guy who has a friend who has like five hot, no, has a sister, has a bunch of hottie friends and they keep coming over for slumber parties. What? You know, dude, I'm going to kill that guy. There's that guy and then there's the bottom of the spectrum. That's me. It goes and cleans carpets with a bunch of illegals and felons and gets no poon tang at all. And then there's sort of everyone else in between. Once in a while, there's a 22 year old that's nothing wrong, just hasn't met the right guy, hasn't been in the right place, a little unlucky. Your luck will change. Don't get hung up on it. Yeah.

20:57 Drew Yeah, great.

21:00 Adam Because you know, especially with guys, but I imagine with girls too, sort of all things equal. It's all about where you are and who you're being exposed to and what's going on.

21:08 Drew Some guys have got some some fuel behind it. Yeah. They're Roman. They're looking all the time. Women may not have that so much. Some some of them.

21:17 Adam You're talking about dreams. Yeah. A dream I had Friday night was, you know, I have the world's worst dreams, by the way. My dreams are made so that I wake up and have my legs and feel feel excited. Because the thing about the thing about good dreams is you're disappointed.

21:36 Drew Right. Right.

21:36 Adam I mean, you think the alarm goes off and it's like, huh? What? Oh, I'm not married to. Oh. And I thought I could fly. Nothing. I'm going to try jumping off the bed. See what I get. Zero. Nothing. Nothing. Oh, well, I'm not in the World Series. You know, these kind of grandiose dreams. It's horribly disappointing. I had a dream and I don't even have dreams that are bad dreams or just boring dreams.

22:00 Yeah.

22:00 Adam Here's my dream. I somehow I'm on vacation and somehow like rent jet skis on like two separate occasions. And the first occasion, it like it gets like rented, the deposit gets put down, but they never get used and they didn't work right in the place. I collected them and they actually painted them and service them and stuff. And then any point in your life, it's your life, your childhood is my life in front of you. It's time to settle up. And I owe the guy like seventy two hundred dollars for the rental of these jet skis. But I never started one up and I never even climbed on one. And one of them got one of them got paid. One of them got painted and like overhauled. And I'm yelling at the guy. I'm supposed to pay you to paint your jet ski jet ski, by the way, I don't even think about jet skis. Nobody thinks about personal watercraft less than I do. I have no idea.

22:56 Drew You've never been on one in your whole life, probably.

22:58 Adam Yeah, twice in 40 years. I've been on a personal watercraft. I didn't even know why I was thinking that it was like it was like seventy two hundred dollars. The guy had like my credit card and he was like he was a shyster and he was like, well, that's just the way it is. And what are you going to do? And I remember arguing with him and we got down to like sixty five hundred dollars. I was supposed to feel happy that he was knocking seven hundred bucks off. Meanwhile, I'd never even put the thing in the water. And it was just one of these technicalities.

23:25 Drew These are the rules.

23:26 Adam These are the rules. And he physically painted the thing while I paid for it and blah, blah, blah. That was my dream.

23:32 Drew You woke up happy, though.

23:33 Adam This went on for a long time. And then I woke up and I thought, oh, I didn't have to pay sixty five hundred dollars for a jet ski rental. Fantabulous. I'm back to my horrible life. But but I'm broken even. Yeah, it's sort of like instead of a massage, we just held your foot over a Bunsen burner. Now we moved it. You know what I mean? Feeling good, right? Feeling good. All right. Because I would argue that moving your foot from over the Bunsen burner feels better than getting the massage.

24:02 Drew Relieving the ceasing the pain is better than.

24:06 Adam Think about it. You should all think about that next time you rent. All right. We'll take ourselves. How about the people that rent furniture? Yeah. You ever see those commercials? It's like, hey, rent the dinette set. Really? Rent? You're renting a dinette? And then the next commercial comes on is the wake up call. And then the next commercial comes on is the collect call. And I just think to myself, who, who, who, who? And then I realized it's the same person.

24:34 Drew Same person.

24:35 Adam Rent the dinette set.

24:36 Drew Is that the same guy buying the dildos that are being manufactured?

24:40 Adam No. Different dude. Different dude. Although producer Anne, by the way, when I remember a couple of years back when I was screaming going, who, you see these, these 800 wake up calls or 900 wake up calls like these commercials, they run in the middle of the night, Bob Johnson was going to get a big promotion, but he forgot to wake up. It's like, so you call this number and they give you a wake up call. And I think to myself, who, who doesn't have an alarm clock? And then it's like, well, people travel. Well, are you camping? I mean, you go to a hotel, you get it. That's why you go to a hotel. And I remember it was right in the middle of this rant and producer Anne goes, I've done it a few times. I was like, what? What do you mean? Why? You know, that's stuff to do and trust the alarm. Really? So we do know somebody.

25:32 Drew Wow, so the case was an earthquake or a power outage or something?

25:34 Adam I don't know. But the commercial is great because Bob Johnson was, it's all over the news. Bob Johnson was supposed to get a big promotion. And by the way, is that how it works? You've been with the company for 22 years. You're about to make partner, but you show up late. Sorry, Bob. Yeah, we're passing you over.

25:49 Drew The only excuse was your death.

25:53 Adam We're going to take a quick break. Look at that. Look at engineer Chris.

25:57 Drew He's laughing.

25:57 Adam Bring him back. Laughing inside. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

26:04 Thank you for calling Loveline.

26:05 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

26:21 Adam Loveline.

26:22 Drew Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

26:28 Adam She's talking to producer Anne about getting that phone call. She's actually renting a dinette set down.

26:36 Drew Renting a phone to make calls.

26:38 Adam Renting an alarm clock. Listen, everyone, please. I haven't given one of my How to Live speeches in a while, but please go out and get yourself one of those little digital timers.

26:48 Drew Egg timers.

26:49 Adam Yeah, they call them egg timers. I call them kitchen timers. I don't want to confuse people. Not shaped like an egg. They're not springs.

26:56 Drew It's a digital timer.

26:57 Adam You don't twist it and have it go tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Just that little thing just takes a triple A battery and you just tick, tick, tick. You do it for three hours. Those nights when you can only sleep for two hours or three hours, you pop the thing. But here's the other thing. Naps. I've said it a million times. People have to nap. Oftentimes they want to nap, but they're always scared they're going to doze off for too long. They're going to wake up.

27:21 Drew Or they don't go to sleep because they think about not waking up on time.

27:26 Adam Here's my point. Here's my point. People, they got to do something. They come home from a long day of work. They're heading out that night. They want to catch a 25 minute nap. But they don't want to set the alarm because the alarm is set for 7:15 a.m. They're not going to set it for 5.30 in the afternoon. So they just lie there and they go, well, I'll just sort of doze with one eye open and I'll keep opening. You know what it's like, Drew. You always keep popping up, looking, looking, looking, looking, get the little egg timer, set that digital thing, tick, set it for 20, 25 minutes, an hour, boom, go out with impunity. See what I'm saying? Ten bucks. Put it on your nightstand. Travel with it. Fantastic.

28:10 Drew I agree.

28:11 Adam All right. Know what I did tonight, Drew?

28:15 Drew No.

28:15 Adam Besides utilizing my egg timer.

28:17 Drew What?

28:17 Adam I got tired. I started realizing that most things, most things in my house, like radios and remote controls and things like that, you had to stare at them for 20 minutes to find the power button.

28:31 Drew Yes.

28:31 Adam Like Jimmy got me this stereo thing that sounds real good and everything. But the power button is the same goddamn button as the other 36 buttons that are on the face of the thing and they're all black.

28:42 Drew Right.

28:42 Adam You have to stare at it for 20 minutes. I went and got some of the old ladies nail polish, ruby red, shook it up and I walked around the house. They start putting red on every single power, every remote, the TiVo, ever since those Tard's TiVo and I love TiVo, but I got to call a Tard a Tard. They moved the stupid power button, which used to be on the upper left. They moved it 28 buttons down and 36 to the left. Do you know what I'm talking about? The old TiVo had the power in the upper left.

29:11 Drew It used to be an hourglass TiVo, now it's like an octagon.

29:14 Adam The power to turn the TV on was at the top left of the TiVo thing.

29:20 Drew When it was an hourglass thing, but now it's a different shape. Now it's like a...

29:24 Adam Well, whatever it is, instead of the top left, they put the power button. Oh, well, sure, it's where all power buttons should be. It's 14 down and fourth from the left or the right.

29:39 Drew Or whatever.

29:39 Adam And it's the smallest button that's on the thing. And you have to stare at it for 20 minutes. I'd like that. My dream is to go to these boards and just, hey, TiVo guys, what are you doing? Who thought of this? It was upper left for five years where every power button is on every remote. You moved it down, lower than the middle, down to almost the bottom, but still in amongst the cluster of buttons that are almost exactly the same. And so now you can't find it. Fantastic. Oh, great. You put a, you put a hummingbird's beak worth of green on it, which doesn't read it all when you're in your den and the lights or anything, but on Klieg mode. All right. So walk around, get the, get the thing, put the red on everything. That's what I do.

30:30 Drew Now polish good for something.

30:31 Adam I got to write a book. Drew, you got to do that now.

30:38 Drew Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea.

30:39 Adam I'm telling you.

30:40 Drew Do it. I can see that.

30:41 Adam No one else you need to do. Look at a cell phone.

30:43 Drew Oh yeah. I like that.

30:44 Adam He's a Velcro right on the back. How many times that that sleek cell phone come flying out of your sweatpants when you get out of the car. Jump out. So we slide now. It always popping out.

30:54 Drew It's going into the gutter.

30:55 Adam Going into the gutter. Listen to that kitty.

30:58 Drew Nice.

30:59 Adam Yeah. That's the cell phone right there. Rock. Here we go. Speak to Lola. Lola.

31:07 Caller Hi.

31:07 Adam You're 23.

31:09 Caller Yeah. I want to tell you guys about a sex toy just like the one you were talking about.

31:13 Caller The shark.

31:14 Caller The girl having the problem. There's these things that the guy can strap on and they're right where the woman needs it. You know, where her clit is and they vibrate.

31:25 Adam Oh, they vibrate.

31:26 Caller Yeah, and they come in little animal shapes and there's even a dolphin shaped one.

31:31 Adam By the way, I don't like when they start doing that. Like, hey, it's 2K and Sam. Yeah, let's put them up my ass. I like that cereal. I don't feel comfortable with this.

31:43 Drew I like dolphins. They're little animals. What do you think?

31:50 Adam No, it should be the shape of a streamlined Bonneville racer. It's all function, all form and all function. I don't want anything slick. I don't want any dress up. I don't want any pinstripe. I don't want any cute names.

32:08 Drew Well, ask Lola how she responds to the little animals. Are they good, bad? Lola?

32:13 Caller The animals are a little bit creepy.

32:15 Drew Creepy?

32:17 Caller But they also come in other shapes.

32:22 Drew Such as what?

32:23 Adam Your parents.

32:25 Drew What are the shapes?

32:27 Caller Just like random shapes like ovals. There's even kind of like triangle shaped ones that could look kind of dorsal finish.

32:34 Adam So you would strap them on and how far would they protrude from like your belly or my belly if I was wearing it with you?

32:43 Caller Just like a little nub.

32:44 Adam A little nub.

32:45 Caller It would hurt the girl but they definitely work.

32:52 Adam See, I'm picturing this thing needs to be not too high, maybe stick out about half an inch, maybe three-quarters of an inch, but a little bit longer. You know, have a little landing strip on it.

33:03 Caller Yeah, kind of.

33:05 Caller It's actually like a ring that goes around the guy's penis.

33:09 Drew That's interesting. It's just something that slips down with something on top.

33:15 Caller You can go to any sex shop and get these.

33:19 Adam It's not bad. It's not what I'm talking about exactly. That's something different. Not bad. But she just said like a strap on. I don't think she meant a traditional strap on. Lola, are you talking about two different things?

33:34 Caller No, it's not like a penis.

33:37 Caller You put it on the guy's penis.

33:38 Drew Yeah, yeah, we get that. But there's Adam.

33:41 Adam Hold on a second.

33:41 Drew Not the girl's penis?

33:42 Adam Put on the guy's penis. Oh, touche.

33:45 Drew Shocking.

33:46 Adam So the guy.

33:47 Drew Yeah, guy's penis.

33:48 Adam Alright. And then what about the guy's vagina? How's he going to rub that on his penis?

33:54 Caller You got me there.

33:55 Adam Okay. So you set a strap on, but this isn't really strap on. It's more of a ring.

34:02 Caller But they also come in other ones where the girl can strap it on. And it's like a little harness. She puts it around her legs. But those things don't work as good because it can't really hold it there. It doesn't have too much pressure.

34:13 Drew Well, but Adam's talking about something the guy straps on.

34:16 Caller Yeah. That's the ring one that goes around the penis.

34:20 Adam That's not a strap on.

34:22 Drew Adam is inventing something that the guy straps on. Not rings.

34:27 Adam You understand? I'm wearing a wedding ring right now. I don't consider it strapped on. Did you understand? True. Your glasses.

34:35 Drew Strapped on.

34:36 Adam Strapped on?

34:37 Drew I only think of it that way.

34:41 Adam All right, Lola. Thanks for the help, baby doll.

34:43 Drew No problem.

34:45 Adam Strapped on. Strapped on?

34:48 Drew Well, she lists the point is that she had the problem and she solved it with the little ring.

34:52 Adam Yeah.

34:52 Drew So there you go.

34:53 Adam Yeah. I think there's a sort of a weird I don't know. There's it's a stigma. It's like training wheels on a bike. If you got to go to the vibrator.

35:06 Drew People feel like that.

35:09 Adam A real, real man could finish a job.

35:11 Drew But who thinks that the male or the female or both of them?

35:14 Adam Maybe both. I think chicks are a little more freaked out by it than guys are like. Yeah, I think guys are that most guys are that way. Some guys can be a little.

35:23 Drew Yeah.

35:24 Adam You know what I mean?

35:24 Drew Any of the saved guys work. Generally, they're about it.

35:28 Adam Yeah, because we're pragmatist.

35:31 Drew And lazy.

35:31 Adam And lazy. Who else? Are we going to... Nathan? Yeah. 18? What's up?

35:43 Well, I was just kind of curious. Is it normal for a girl to like the vibrator and you at the same time?

35:51 Drew That's what we were just talking about.

35:52 Adam Could be, sure.

35:54 Drew Or that Lola like that.

35:55 Yeah, it just... I find it kind of weird because like sometimes it's like I don't think she actually likes me for me. You know?

36:03 Drew And like I've been with her So this is the guy, Adam, you were referring to that gets weirded out by this stuff.

36:08 Adam This is bogus.

36:10 No, I'm being serious. I mean, I've been with my girl for three years and I love her to death, you know? I plan on marrying her and everything, but it just kind of freaks me out sometimes.

36:21 Drew Why?

36:22 It just, I don't know, it's like she wants me to be bigger, you know? Instead of being, you know, I'm like average size, like six and a half.

36:31 Adam Did she say she wants you to be bigger?

36:33 Drew Those were her words?

36:34 Yeah. I don't know, I...

36:38 Adam Yeah, but she, no, let me put in context. She's saying like, be a big man and see my chick movie with me.

36:46 I don't know, it's like, I don't know if there's something.

36:48 Adam Hold on.

36:49 Drew Either bogus.

36:51 Adam It's smelling bogus or just sort of dumb and disjointed.

36:55 Drew What do you think? I can't tell you. I know that going back is going to be a mistake.

37:04 Adam Well, here we go. Nathan? Okay, been with her for three years, plan on marrying her. Alright, couple of things. You're 18. Right. You're from Fresno.

37:14 Drew Sorry.

37:15 Adam Sorry. I really didn't know what a horrible place Fresno was until recently, by the way. But my condolences for living in Fresno.

37:21 Drew There's some nice vast lakes up there, some nice areas up there.

37:24 Adam Here's the thing. You shouldn't be even considering anything that starts with an M. Much less marriage at this point. Because you got a lot of feelings in you. Let me explain something. Alright, hold on. This is what I want to tell everybody. As a guy, here's what you're like. Here's what you're like. You're like, okay, take a skillet and you're frying sausage in it all morning long. Big iron skillet, right? And then you're done and you hit it with water. Put it in the sink. You touch it, you still burn your finger. That's what guys are when they're 19. They think they're going to be hit with water. Like, oh, get married, get married. You'll cool right down. Wait a few minutes, put your hand on it, you'll still burn it. It's still hot. It's still hot.

38:19 Drew They need to actually cool down.

38:21 Adam Still hot. You're not cool down until you're 32.

38:24 Drew You get 28. It's fresh now.

38:27 Adam Okay, 14. 28. By the time I got married, I was like a skillet left out. I'd been lost camping up in the mountains. My hand was frozen bare, pissed on it. It was a disaster, all rusted out. Yeah, that's the whole thing. You think you're going to hit yourself to water. No. You're still hot the second you move the water.

38:51 Drew And you also think this is the only girl ever and this is the one. 18.

38:56 Adam Too much energy at 18. You're thinking about stuff like a vibrator. But believe me, all that goes away as you get older. That's why you get married when you're older.

39:05 Drew I really was rare to find a woman who says something like you're not big enough. Unless you are sort of abnormally small.

39:13 Adam If you're average, she's saying that you've been with her since she was 15, by the way. I don't know what she's seen. You're hearing that. That means your skill is still too high. Thanks, Drew. Drew still got a George Foreman cooker in his pants, by the way. He's got that grill right in his pants. Passionate, passionate man.

39:31 Drew You're not the first to refer to it that way.

39:36 Adam Hey, engineer Chris, maybe get some of Drew's drippings during the break.

39:40 Drew Nice.

39:41 Adam Big fan. Huge fan. Huge fan.

39:44 Drew Let's play. Let's play.

39:45 Adam Huge fan.

39:46 Drew Let's play accordion.

39:47 Adam Huge fan.

39:48 Drew Come on.

39:48 Adam Huge fan. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

39:53 1-800-LOVE-191 Drew.

39:58 Adam Guess how many terrific sense acts deodorant body spray comes in? No, more.

40:06 Drew Nine.

40:09 Adam Anyway, seven's a nut, right?

40:11 Drew Seven's great. Yeah.

40:16 Adam Hey, everybody.

40:17 Loveline. Yeah.

40:22 Adam Get it on. Gotta get it on. Freak out. Get it on. Get it on and freak out, everybody. Freak out. Get it on. Ready to rock, Drew?

40:35 Drew Yeah, let's go to calls.

40:36 Adam What do you say, buddy?

40:36 Drew Let's go to calls. Let's take some calls.

40:38 Adam Let's take some calls. Let's go to calls.

40:40 Drew Let's go to calls.

40:41 Adam Let's take some calls. Here we go. Yeah.

40:45 Drew Derek?

40:46 Yeah.

40:47 Adam Nineteen.

40:48 That's right.

40:49 Adam Freak out. Get it on.

40:51 Drew Go to calls. What's up, Derek?

40:54 My question is, I'm wondering about my sexuality. I have been homosexual most of my life and I'm starting to wonder if I'm supposed to be liking girls.

41:07 Drew You're gay. You're wondering if you're supposed to be liking girls.

41:11 Adam Been gay your whole life.

41:13 Drew You're gay.

41:14 Adam True place.

41:14 Drew What do you mean?

41:15 Well, I don't know. I like these older guys like late thirties, early forties.

41:21 Drew Hang on one second, Derek. He opened his mouth and I thought it's bogus. He opened his mouth and I thought it's bogus. But let's keep going with them. I just want to register that complaint. Derek?

41:33 I like these older guys. none of them really seem to like me. They don't want some 19 year old kid. They want guys their age.

41:46 Drew What self-respecting older male would like a young?

41:48 Adam Especially gay guys. They can't stand the young. They want more virile. And as you get older, let me tell you how the gay community works. A rich, affluent, gay, 50-something year old male. He wants a nice guy in his 70s. Maybe late 60s.

42:02 Drew Heterosexual, same thing. It applies to all males. Yeah. Derek, what's the question?

42:09 It seems like the only people who want to find love with me are girls my age.

42:16 Drew Find love.

42:18 Well, I'm looking for love and I can't seem to find it with the people who I'm attracted to.

42:28 Adam I'm sorry, Bogus, baby. Sorry, buddy. You set the Bogus off the meter on the Bogus bogatometer.

42:44 But it's just not. I'm really confused about this.

42:51 Drew Let's go with it. As usual, they take an topic that you can't abandon.

42:57 Adam They don't want to kill themselves.

42:59 My friends are gay and they all kind of wonder about me. Sometimes they'll say like, oh, here's this. Even though I'll deep through dildos and what not in front of them.

43:11 Drew Derek, nice try, buddy.

43:13 I'm not joking. We do it.

43:15 Drew Yeah. I can tell you're not joking the way you laugh about it. Yeah.

43:18 Adam Now you got a deep throat of dildo. You're going to be gay.

43:22 Drew When you smoke a lot of pot too, Derek, I guess it takes its own mind to dig up something like this.

43:27 Adam All right. Listen, Derek, here's my only point. When we bust you people on your bogus calls, you have to come clean. That's how the games play.

43:37 Drew I knew the second you.

43:40 Adam It's like Marco Polo.

43:42 Drew Yeah.

43:42 Adam It's you have to you have to keep your eyes closed game. Otherwise, if you don't rely on the one person who's running around, you know, swimming around the pool to keep their eyes closed, it's no good.

43:53 Drew It's not a game.

43:55 Adam It's not a game.

43:56 Drew It's cheating. It's just it's not. It's nothing.

43:58 Adam Well, the game is the person can't see you. And if the person can see you, that's right. And then to the to the person who is I know we're going off on a tangent here, but to the person who is it, who's opening their eyes. What's that say about you that you couldn't find people in the pool with your eyes open? Well, that's quite a skill. You parlay that into millions. Fantabulous. All right. Let's talk to Betty, who's 22, Betty.

44:29 Yeah.

44:30 Adam Yeah. What's going on?

44:31 I have a serious question for the doctor.

44:35 Drew What's up?

44:36 I have a prolapse bladder.

44:38 Drew You have a prolapse bladder or a cystoseal?

44:40 Well, no, I had it fixed once.

44:43 Drew You've had a couple of babies, right?

44:45 Yeah, I had a couple of babies and everything inside kind of fell and they gave me a hysterectomy and they pulled my bladder.

44:52 Drew People don't appreciate normal problems of females. One of the things that happens is, first of all, you tear the rectum and the perineum very often when they're in first layer. Secondly, the whole area stretches out and so the rectum and the bladder can fall through the vagina. No!

45:06 Caller Yeah, it was bad.

45:07 Everything happened. They fixed everything.

45:10 Drew And the uterus can fall down into the vagina, too.

45:12 That's what happened.

45:14 Drew It's good times. It's a good time. Betty, God bless you. Yeah.

45:17 Adam And hold on a second. They really... We need the dads in there? During the delivery? Six-foot sub comes out of your wife's couch and you're like, yeah, it's a good thing that I'm here. Fantastic. I'll be humping that when? Let me check.

45:31 Drew When the rectum and the bladder of the vagina falls.

45:34 Adam Monday to 2015. Please, we really need to be there to witness a carnage. Do we need to do that? Is that what we need to see? Hey, I'm getting some prostate surgery, sweetie.

45:48 Drew The great news is we'll video the whole thing. Get the video. They can appreciate it.

45:53 Adam I like to see my rectum. Yeah, there you go. There you go. Fantastic. It looks like a hippo giving birth at the zoo. Fantastic.

46:04 Drew So Betty, you had the cistacean repaired, right? And what do they want to do? They want to do a bladder sling on you or something?

46:10 They fixed it already, but it fell again. My question is, I had sex the other night and I started bleeding, so I don't have periods anymore and I want to know what's up with that and should I go back to the doctor?

46:20 Drew How long ago is your hysterectomy? Yeah. Definitely go back. I don't know. You know, bleeding post-hysterectomy, did they leave any cervix behind?

46:33 Caller No.

46:33 Everything's gone but my ovaries.

46:36 Drew Don't know where the bleeding would have been from. It's vaginal bleeding?

46:39 Caller I guess.

46:40 I don't know.

46:40 Drew You wonder if the cuff got torn or something. The left behind there got stretched. If the bladder needs re-repair, it's not at all in common for the bladder to need re-re-repair. So yes, get back.

46:51 Adam What's up? Is the dad still around?

46:54 Actually, I just left him.

46:57 Adam Same dad for both kitties?

46:59 Yes.

46:59 Adam All right. Well, that's fantastic. No more kids. Find a guy who's not abusive, please.

47:05 Drew She had a kid. Her uterus is gone.

47:06 Adam Good.

47:06 Drew Perfect.

47:07 Adam Good. Take care. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

47:18 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:20 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Adam.

47:21 Drew And I'm Dr. Drew.

47:22 Adam Here to talk about Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

47:25 Drew Yes, sir.

47:26 Adam You spray that on, you give stink the axe. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Kerry Elwes is gonna be in here on Wednesday. Great actor, always wanted to meet him. And then I started thinking, maybe he's done this show. I think I have met him.

48:05 Drew Probably.

48:06 Adam Jimmy World is gonna be in here on Thursday. They've been in here. Kerry Elwes. Hmm.

48:20 Drew They play your song.

48:21 Adam That's right. Boots, jacket slung over the shoulder. Lower in the shades. Wearing the smoke shades. Hot chicks at the bar. Bouncing. Bouncing in slow motion. Tight jeans. Shirt tucked in. Muscles bulging.

48:40 Drew Every girl turns in love. And sees the following.

48:51 Adam You know I had that dream about renting the jet skis. Freak out. All right, what? Who? Did you talk to Charlene?

49:08 Drew No, no. New Charlene. Really?

49:10 Adam We just got out of a woman's vagina. We got to crawl back in.

49:13 Drew This is where I'm such a good time there.

49:14 Adam No, we weren't.

49:15 Drew All right, take the next one.

49:17 Adam This, Karen?

49:18 Drew Yeah.

49:18 Adam All right. Karen?

49:21 Caller Yeah.

49:22 Adam 21?

49:23 Caller Yeah, hi.

49:24 Adam Hey.

49:26 Caller Every time I have sex with my boyfriend, I cry.

49:31 Drew Has it always been that way?

49:33 Caller No.

49:35 Drew When did it start?

49:38 Caller Probably a couple months after we started having sex and we've been dating for about two years now.

49:44 Drew Do you want to give us any clues here as to what it might be about?

49:47 Caller I don't know. That's, I mean.

49:49 Adam Tears of joy or are they tears because it's physically difficult?

49:54 Caller It's not about it hurting or anything like that. It's kind of weird. The first time it happened, we were just like normal and then just all of a sudden I started crying.

50:05 Adam It's an emotional thing.

50:06 Caller Yeah.

50:07 Drew Is there anything we should know about you?

50:09 Caller Not that I can think of.

50:11 Drew So no abuse, no abandonment, no major losses. You haven't been depressed lately.

50:18 Adam Where's your dad?

50:21 Caller He's sort of, my parents are divorced, but I see him a couple of times a year.

50:26 Drew Why are they divorced?

50:28 Caller Why?

50:29 Drew Why?

50:32 Caller They always fought. They never got along.

50:33 Drew With that why question.

50:34 Adam They always fought.

50:35 Drew Yeah, they fought because there was violence in the home?

50:40 Caller My mom's kind of controlling.

50:42 Adam Where did your dad move to?

50:44 Caller About an hour away.

50:46 Drew Why did he always see you three times a year then?

50:50 Caller He has a new family now. He has remarried and has a three-year-old daughter that he adopted.

50:55 Adam Adopted because she was the child of the woman he married?

51:01 Caller No, they adopted her from China.

51:03 Adam Oh really?

51:04 Caller Yeah. Wow.

51:06 Adam What's her name? Does she got a kooky name?

51:09 Caller Well, her middle name is her Chinese name and I don't know how to pronounce it.

51:17 Adam I was like that, that's gotta be nice. I got something for you. Don't know how to pronounce it. All right. All right.

51:32 Drew All right, Karen, there's a couple of reasons.

51:34 Adam All right, but how old were you when dad moved out?

51:38 Drew 12.

51:39 Adam 12.

51:39 Drew That's pretty rough.

51:40 Adam And he moved an hour away. And was he around for a few more years?

51:46 Caller Yeah, I used to see him usually like every weekend until I was like 15 and then I sort of chose, I was too interested in hanging out with my friends and other people.

51:56 Drew Now here's the deal, Karen, there's a couple of reasons that this happens. One is that it's sort of a normal release, sort of just sort of a very emotional experience and as part of that, women sometimes will cry. Secondly, there can be some abuse issues that the whole experience of being sexual can sort of evoke all these sort of near flashback or even explicitly flashback kinds of experiences. And finally, some women sometimes when they're in that sort of emotional connection with somebody feel not just vulnerable, but maybe like they don't love that person anymore. Like it's not matching up to what it's, suddenly you realize there's a disconnect between what you're supposed to be feeling, what you're actually feeling. And that's at that moment you realize, this isn't really, this isn't what I wanted to be.

52:39 Adam How long she been with this guy?

52:40 Drew Two or three years.

52:41 Adam Karen, two or three years?

52:43 Caller Two years, yeah, two years, two and a half years.

52:45 Drew So one of the things I wonder is whether this relationship is over and you're feeling that sort of disconnect with the sexual act.

52:52 Caller That's possible. So there you go.

52:55 Adam Just the idea that you would entertain that notion means it's maybe coasting to a stop because...

53:01 Drew You really feel it at that moment.

53:02 Adam Even when you feel sort of halfway there, people are usually pretty defensive. Oh no, we're deeply in love.

53:07 Drew Yeah, I mean this could be either you feel kind of gross or exploited or just that emptiness. It's not about that. Or just there are many ways you can feel about it, but when you're not in love with somebody and you're in this very, very intimate moment, it just feels disconnected.

53:20 Adam So you guys have been together since you were 18?

53:22 Caller I was 19 turning 20, didn't he? He's two and a half years younger than me. He was actually a virgin when we started dating.

53:33 Drew Well, be that as it may, this thing may be coasting to a halt.

53:36 Adam Thanks. All right, so Karen, maybe you're done, huh?

53:41 Caller Possibly, I guess.

53:42 Drew Give that some thought.

53:43 Adam Possibly. And boy, if I get, I'm like a cop who pulls a drifter in and says, hey, did you kill this guy? And I go, maybe. That's guilty.

53:53 Drew Yeah.

53:54 Adam I get a possibly out of a chick for two and a half years.

53:57 Drew Oh yeah.

53:58 Adam That's what I'm working that baby. That baby is done.

54:02 Drew Yeah, we're used to the very defensive, but I love him, but you don't understand. You don't understand.

54:06 Adam Yeah, or the, but we've been together for two and a half years.

54:11 Drew I couldn't, I can't imagine. I was, he's the guy I want to marry. Yeah, I understand. That's your fantasy about this relationship, but the fact is, no.

54:22 Adam Oh, he's going to be, uh-oh, he's clingy.

54:24 Drew Oh yeah.

54:25 Adam Oh, he's clinging. Karen, are you there?

54:28 Caller Yeah.

54:29 Adam Is he a clingy guy?

54:31 Caller Um, kind of, that's what, like I've talked, there's definitely issues in the relationship. He's not very emotionally available. And so like I've talked to him before and sort of been like, you know, you need to work on this. It's been like long enough that, you know.

54:46 Adam You want, you want emotion, break up with him.

54:48 Drew Yeah. Magically he'll be in his best behavior, but that's not how he'll be.

54:52 Adam No, he'll be, he'll be clingy.

54:54 Drew Yeah.

54:55 Adam He'll be clingy cause you're his first.

54:57 Caller Yeah.

54:58 Adam He's a mess. What's he do?

55:00 Caller We're both in college.

55:02 Drew Where is he in school?

55:05 Adam Yeah.

55:05 Drew I'm going to be speaking. You and I spoke there when I was vomiting all night.

55:08 Adam Oh really? Terrapins, yes?

55:10 Drew Yes. I'm going to be speaking there again in like February or something.

55:14 Adam Yeah, Drew, you still owe me for that.

55:16 Drew Yeah. I laid there and just moaned.

55:18 Adam Basically, Drew had some sort of, speaking of sick. Drew had some sort of food poisoning or. He was sick. Let me tell you this, by the way, Drew, I just got into this with a guy who worked for me. Oh. Yeah. Sweet. Sweet ass nectar. Wow. Wow. Wow. Sweet smelling. Drew's got. Drew's wearing a button up. He's got no shields. You never come in without shields. You and Drew.

56:05 Drew Yeah.

56:07 Adam Coming in here wearing the button up shirt and not having a collar and not having the ability, the crew neck collar, not having the ability to raise the shields over the nose. It's like a cop going out on duty without his gun.

56:20 Drew It's like you're asking for trouble.

56:22 Adam You're asking for trouble. You're asking for trouble.

56:25 Drew Yeah, I hope you can't hear me because I'm outside.

56:28 Adam All right. Let's go. You're a doctor now. You've done much. We've worked on cadavers for Christ's sake. You've done worse.

56:34 Drew For Christ's sake, it's right.

56:37 Adam Wow, pow. Out of nowhere.

56:39 Drew You aimed that one too.

56:41 Adam I did. I threw that one at you. I did. All right. You're right. What were we saying, Drew? Boyfriend, sex. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Clingy. Oh, yeah. Drew vomiting.

56:55 Drew Oh yeah, Maryland.

56:55 Adam Yeah, we drove from Philadelphia. Now let's try to figure out how this went. We went to Philadelphia to do a gig.

57:04 Drew At Penn.

57:05 Adam At Penn. And then we're going to drive from Philly to Maryland, right? And I was going to meet you down in the lobby, the hotel, and you were going to go down there and get some sandwiches or something.

57:20 Drew Something was going to happen that morning.

57:22 Adam Or maybe the driver.

57:24 Drew The driver was going to bring the cheese steaks.

57:26 Adam He was going to bring the cheese steaks. And we got into the car and Drew had been vomiting all morning.

57:29 Drew All night.

57:30 Adam All night and all morning. He was in no shape. And then sick all the way, three hour drive while you guys had a two hour discussion about food. We never stopped talking about food. Drew yelled at us. And then, to say the least, and then and then we did the University of Maryland and Drew was sick as a dog.

57:51 Drew He was laid there. He was just probably a mannequin. I carried the show.

57:55 Adam I carried the show. Renee, you're 23? What's up?

58:01 Caller When I masturbate, when I'm going to come, a lot of fluid sprays out of me.

58:07 Drew Good times.

58:07 Caller I'm wondering if that's female ejaculation, if that's real, what it's about, what it's about.

58:11 Drew That's what that's about. That's what, that's good.

58:13 Caller What is, where does that come from? Like, why do females have that?

58:17 Drew I'm kind of embarrassed about it. Sometimes it's urine. Sometimes it's a fluid from the various glands in and around the vagina. But the fact is, what's fascinating about this is that every woman that does this has this sort of embarrassment, there's something wrong with me, and they won't let their partners talk about it, they're ashamed of it. You what?

58:35 Caller I can't really come when I'm with my boyfriend because I'm weird about it.

58:40 Drew Guys like this. This is what they're getting.

58:43 Adam Well, wait a second. Now, you know, is this during oral sex or could you do this during intercourse?

58:51 Caller Well, I won't, I cannot come during oral sex because of the fear of it spraying on his face.

58:56 Adam Right.

58:56 Drew That's thank you.

58:58 Caller And when we're having sex, I still can't really climax all the way, like we have to have sex and then I'll lay next to him and masturbate so I can come.

59:05 Caller Mm-hmm.

59:06 Caller Because it's great.

59:07 Adam So, all right, so this is, you see, Drew, you always just sort of sweep this under the carpet or you, you cast it aside. It's like, oh, please, guys, please, guys are into this.

59:17 Drew Not into it, but they like the...

59:19 Adam I could understand a woman being very self-conscious about this.

59:23 Caller Right, she wants me to do it, but it's still embarrassing even like it's weird about it.

59:28 Adam All right, well, at least you're 10 miles further down the road than you would be if he never even knew about it and you're worried that he's going to be freaked out. So that's a good thing. Maybe it's going to take a glass of wine or something for you to loosen up your inhibitions just a little bit.

59:45 Caller But it's normal?

59:46 Drew Yeah, it's extra normal. It means you really function normally.

59:50 Adam It's normal in 15% of women.

59:54 Drew Yeah, and in certain risks, maybe 1% or 2% all the time. Right. 10%, 12% some of the time can do this. Right.

1:00:02 Caller Sometimes it's like a large, I'm talking like I put towels down when I'm out.

1:00:07 Drew But guys like to see the product of their labor, you know what I'm saying? Evidence that they've accomplished something.

1:00:13 Adam Yeah, but it's just, it's...

1:00:15 Drew You always said they would tire eventually. That's fine, I agree with that.

1:00:18 Adam Well, the tough part is she could have the orgasm with the oral sex, except for...

1:00:25 Caller Yeah, my body like holds itself back.

1:00:27 Drew You could put it down there, a towel or something.

1:00:30 Adam Yeah, I don't...

1:00:31 Caller Can you imagine having all this whatever come spray in your face?

1:00:36 Adam Yeah, well, let's look at it this way. Guys are the pioneers of the... And we're gonna finish on the chick's forehead.

1:00:45 Drew And they don't seem too ashamed and likely to hold back from that.

1:00:49 Adam You know what I mean?

1:00:50 Drew It's like, oh, it can kind of freak me out. Oh, I can't do that. Hey, René, take a dose of that from the guys, you know?

1:00:56 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Look, if he's in, if he's up for it, let him give it a shot. He ain't gonna kill him.

1:01:02 Drew Plus he can maneuver around a little bit.

1:01:08 Adam Where would it hit you? If you were giving oral sex to a woman and she had this kind of orgasm, where would it get you? Same collar that won't save you from another one of my farts.

1:01:19 Drew I can't believe we're having this discussion.

1:01:20 Adam Where would it, where would it? If you were up top, where you should be.

1:01:24 Drew It should be.

1:01:24 Adam It's gonna get down low in the mouth. It's gonna get you in the mouth, but in the chin and in the mouth?

1:01:31 Drew Right. But not in the eyes? No, no. It's not like a cobra. Right.

1:01:37 Adam That's what I'm thinking. Deadly cobra.

1:01:40 Drew Or camel.

1:01:41 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Animals that spit. Yeah, cobra shoot that venom right in your eye. Good times. Brittany. What? Who is that? Who is that, Brittany?

1:01:56 Caller My ex-boyfriend.

1:01:58 Adam Why is he on the other line?

1:02:01 Caller Because... We call her up and then we come talking to you guys all of a sudden.

1:02:09 Adam Three-way.

1:02:13 Drew Hold on.

1:02:13 Adam Why are you talking to your ex-boyfriend? You're still friends? Who wants to get back together?

1:02:22 Drew No. It's about...

1:02:23 Caller They're equal, you know.

1:02:24 Drew They're still having sex with that old man.

1:02:26 Adam You're still having sex?

1:02:28 Drew That's why he calls and that's why she wants to get back together. He's having sex.

1:02:36 Caller All right.

1:02:36 Adam Brittany? On hold for 80 minutes. She got to talk on air for 49 seconds. You know what's funny? Drew looked at that call an hour and... She's been on hold for 80 minutes, but that's an hour and 20. But yeah, really you looked at about an hour and 16 minutes ago and you said what the hell's this call? What do I want this call for? And I said, don't worry about it, Drew. So what? Drew said, I don't want to talk to this call. And I said, well, it may be a good one. I was wrong. But you know what? It takes a big...

1:03:16 Drew Big man.

1:03:17 Adam Big, big man to admit when he's wrong. A huge man. Mammoth, mammoth man.

1:03:22 Drew At least 300 pounds.

1:03:23 Adam Kind of man that you build a shrine to.

1:03:24 Drew Have you seen that show The Biggest Loser?

1:03:27 Adam Have not seen it yet.

1:03:28 Drew It's actually good.

1:03:28 Adam That's what I hear.

1:03:30 Drew Yeah. I'm shocked at that. I thought it was going to be the most exploitative abortion, but they actually come off sort of teaching.

1:03:39 Adam Really?

1:03:39 Drew Teaching about what people should eat and shouldn't eat and what real exercise is about. Alright.

1:03:45 Adam When's that on? I don't know. Alright. Fantastic. You ready to rock?

1:03:51 Drew Yeah.

1:03:52 Adam Speak to, oh by the way that call, we never said what that call was. What was it Drew?

1:03:58 Drew Do you want to know if you could get tumors from cell phones and this is something that has been tossed around as a possibility for a long, long time and there really is no evidence that anything like that actually occurs. I mean think about it. Think how many people in the world use cell phones. Seen a epidemic of brain tumors or?

1:04:16 Adam No.

1:04:16 Drew Anybody know anybody with brain? You know what I mean? It's the same as it's always been in spite of worldwide use of cell phones. Well.

1:04:23 Adam What about second hand smoke though? You don't know anybody.

1:04:26 Drew First-rate killer.

1:04:27 You know, Drew.

1:04:27 Adam Who's actually died of that, but it's 55,000 people died last year in this country alone because of it.

1:04:32 Drew Or maybe not.

1:04:33 Adam Or maybe not. Yes.

1:04:35 I've been thinking about the tumor thing too though because something just came out from like Sweden or Switzerland or something. Something recent came out. I wasn't really listening, but it was all over the news like 40 years ago.

1:04:46 Drew Look, the data comes out periodically and the fact is there really isn't anything substantive. They've been studying the hell out of it.

1:04:51 Adam Hold on.

1:04:52 Can you imagine what would happen though? How strange and kind of cool that would be if everyone that had a home would start to die?

1:04:57 Adam I'd like to offer a quick rebuttal.

1:05:03 Drew Get it rebuttal.

1:05:05 Adam Hey, Andrew, you should be in here. Sweet.

1:05:18 Drew Testing. There we go. I'm across the room now.

1:05:20 Adam Get those shields up.

1:05:26 Drew Over here.

1:05:26 Adam It's got a fruity, nutty, oaky flavor to it. It's assertive without being pushy. Nice. Oh, man.

1:05:37 Drew Prime form.

1:05:38 Adam Thank you. I don't even know where that came from. That's nice.

1:05:42 Drew Unfortunately, I think I have a suspicion where it came from. Yeah.

1:05:49 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:05:49 Drew It's over here.

1:05:50 Adam Yeah, it's over.

1:05:51 Drew Sweet.

1:05:54 Adam Anderson, getting back to your idea of everybody getting with the cell phone getting a tumor. It would be funny. It would be bizarre because who was even close to a mover and a shaker, anybody who did anything with their lives, the whole life would, the whole world would be inherited by just sort of like Bums and the Corolla family. I guarantee the Corollas would be around. I guarantee you that. Yeah. I just, I had to tell my mom today that I saw a DVD player at Radio Shack for $39. It is now, you understand? Another $20 and she'll be able to get a used one. Yeah. This close. This close. All right. Oh, Drew, Drew firing back. It's on. Oh, it's on. And I'll tell you, everyone loses. You know why? Because this is mutually assured annihilation. You understand? Armageddon. Chris is going to be the first to go. We're going to take a breakthrough. We've got to get out of here. And I got my shields. I got my shields here. All right. We're going to take a break. We'll be right back after this.

1:07:13 All right, guys.

1:07:13 Adam Here's the deal.

1:07:14 Caller Looking to hook up?

1:07:15 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:07:16 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:07:18 Call the Dateline.

1:07:19 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:07:20 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:07:44 Adam Get it on.

1:07:45 Caller Gotta get it on.

1:07:47 Adam Freak out. Tell you, that fart moved nowhere.

1:07:53 Drew No, it's still here.

1:07:54 Adam Yeah, we walked, we were out in the hall.

1:07:56 Drew It moved our asses out of the room.

1:07:58 Adam We moved out. Chris moved out.

1:07:59 Drew Chris, we found him in the closet.

1:08:01 Adam Shivering. Like a deer, like an orphaned baby deer. Had to coax him back into the, and back headed.

1:08:09 Drew I didn't wanna come back in.

1:08:10 Adam The trail of popcorn was the only thing that got him back into the studio. And then we walked in and Drew and I had the same reaction. We walked in and was like, oh yeah, nice work. Wait a minute. Drew said, nice work. Hold on. What's going on?

1:08:23 Drew We were greeted by something putrid.

1:08:25 Adam Nothing worse than thinking you're enjoying. It's almost gay. It's like your nose went gay. You're enjoying someone else's ass, but you think it's your own. And you're like, wow, hey. And then Drew's like, wait, that's me. And I'm like, and then, then, then you got to get a, then you start campaigning for your ass. Oh no, that's clearly my fart. Clearly I have, I have a signature bouquet. That's my fart. If I ever said, look, I think I know my farts. I'm enjoying one of them now. Drew arguing for his ass. It's tough. I think it's safe to say that it's both of ours. And there's no winner in that game.

1:09:06 Drew I think you got chocolate in my peanut butter.

1:09:08 Adam That's right. Drew, I'm not sure if that was intentional, but it was funny. All right, let's talk to Christopher's 21. Christopher?

1:09:21 Caller Hey.

1:09:22 Adam Yeah.

1:09:23 Caller I had a question for Dr. Drew.

1:09:25 Drew What's going on?

1:09:27 Caller I will, I listen to you guys a lot. So I just wanted to say good job on the show, but I noticed that Drew always knows when someone smokes a lot of pot by the way they laugh. And I was hoping you could tell me how you know that.

1:09:41 Drew It's a very, you need to be a regular user for this to happen, like a daily user. And it seems to occur probably when you've been using at least six months and your laugh sort of strangely disappears.

1:09:54 Adam It starts off, but then goes away.

1:09:56 Drew It becomes like, Yeah.

1:09:59 Caller Really?

1:10:01 Drew It's a very strange, but very characteristic laugh that strangely enough, people smoke a lot of podcast. And in general, We're never wrong about that.

1:10:06 Adam You're more apt to laugh.

1:10:08 Drew Right. It's a very strange, there's a certain quality of the voice too, and then certain kind of slowness to the cognition.

1:10:14 Adam Yeah.

1:10:15 Drew It would sort of close us in, and then you hear that laugh and you know that's what you got.

1:10:19 Adam Yeah, it's signature. It's also what happens when you spend more than, let's say 12 hours a week in the ocean.

1:10:26 Drew Surfing, yeah, I was thinking that too. But then, But they go together though.

1:10:28 Adam That is if you smoke tons of weed and surf. So it's hard to tell which came first.

1:10:32 Caller Oh, all right, man, cool.

1:10:34 Drew All right.

1:10:35 Caller All right, guys.

1:10:35 Drew Listen for it, you'll see, you'll hear it. Try it at home.

1:10:39 Adam Not it.

1:10:40 Drew No, no, no, I mean when he listens along with us.

1:10:41 Adam Yeah, I know, but I'm just saying he laughed but he didn't do a good stoner laugh.

1:10:45 Drew No, no, no.

1:10:45 Caller No, I actually, I've been smoking every day for about like three years, man.

1:10:49 Drew You've got the voice quality. Yeah, but you don't have the laugh. So we wouldn't have picked it up in you.

1:10:54 Adam The voice, here's the voice. You gotta sound like Ty Pennington from the Home Improvement Show. That's the stoner voice.

1:11:02 Drew It's true.

1:11:03 Adam It's a sort of, it's a perpetual teenage voice. But then you gotta have the laugh on top of it.

1:11:08 Drew For us to identify. It doesn't mean Christopher's not smoking a lot of pot.

1:11:11 Adam No. Don't want to take that away from him.

1:11:13 Drew Of course not.

1:11:14 Adam Tina?

1:11:15 Caller Yep.

1:11:16 Adam 21?

1:11:17 Caller Yes.

1:11:18 Adam What's up?

1:11:20 Caller I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half and I was sexually molested and raped when I was younger. And our relationship is really good. He's actually been, he's my third boyfriend and he treats me really, really well. And the thing is that we're sexually active and there's times where I just random, it's really random where I feel that, I feel like he's molesting me, that I feel dirty and I feel that I'm in this really uncomfortable situation. And the thing is that I really love him. I want him to be, I don't want to feel that way. You know, it's when you-

1:11:55 Drew But you're having flashbacks, Tina, and so you maybe need to deal with that a little bit, that something needs treatment.

1:12:01 Adam What, when were you molested?

1:12:03 Caller Well, I was actually molested when I was really young by, we had a neighbor and he used to babysit us. And I think I was around five. And then I got molested again by my stepbrother and then by my cousin, Tina. And then I got raped when I was in high school by my friend.

1:12:24 Drew Yeah, we hear a lot of that.

1:12:28 Adam Was that rape with your, here's, here's.

1:12:31 Drew It's always hard to tell whether it's experience or rape.

1:12:33 Adam What happened with your friend just out of curiosity in high school?

1:12:37 Caller Well, basically he was having girlfriend problems. And so me being a friend went to his house and I went to talk to him about it. And he, I guess he drank before I went over. And then he started going on about, oh, you know, if I could get a girl like you. And then he started touching me, making me feel uncomfortable. And basically one thing led to another where I couldn't really leave because he was so much stronger than I was. And I couldn't really do anything.

1:13:03 Adam Where's parents home?

1:13:05 Caller No, no, they weren't. They were out in Taiwan or something.

1:13:10 Adam They were in Taiwan?

1:13:12 Caller Yeah.

1:13:13 Adam So they were local?

1:13:15 Caller No.

1:13:15 Adam Oh, I see. And you couldn't have left?

1:13:20 Caller Pardon?

1:13:21 Adam You couldn't have gotten out of the house?

1:13:23 Caller No, because basically what happened was that he just really, he pinned me down before I had a chance to even really react fast enough. I was just, I was telling him, no, I know, you know, and then he just pinned me down.

1:13:34 Adam Did you call the cops? No, I understand. I like it's that, you know, you got made into a victim early by your horrible family and your crappy neighbor and all that, and then you just get victimized over and over again.

1:13:53 Drew And it's really hard to know in these situations, whether it's, you know, overt victimization or just the experience of victimization, whatever it is, it's not good. It's not good.

1:14:02 Adam Right.

1:14:02 Drew And it needs a lot of treatment, Tina. And now you're experiencing-

1:14:07 Adam Therapy.

1:14:08 Drew You get some individual therapy. The people, somebody who has experienced treating trauma survivors, the fact is you're having flashbacks, you're gonna, finally you found a relationship that is stable and available for intimacy and you can't tolerate that.

1:14:19 Adam And by the way, that sounds horrible, but Tina from Riverside, your chance of being molested or raped, about 80%-

1:14:28 Drew Just the-

1:14:28 Adam Just being born with the name Tina.

1:14:30 Drew In Riverside.

1:14:31 Adam In Riverside. Yeah. I imagine just a translucent, albino, white trash family. Yes?

1:14:39 Drew Yes.

1:14:41 Adam Yeah? No?

1:14:44 Drew With the abuse of, the sexually abusive step-brother and cousin?

1:14:48 Adam What's going on with your family?

1:14:50 Caller I'm actually, I'm actually a Chinese.

1:14:52 Adam Whoa.

1:14:54 Caller Yeah, what happened with that? My mom, my mom actually, she's a single parent cause my dad died when I was six months old and-

1:15:01 Adam Oh, he died?

1:15:02 Caller Yeah. What happened? He got in a really bad car accident.

1:15:07 Adam Hold on a second. You know, I'm a strong believer in stereotypes, especially when they're negative. And I was like, a single Asian mother? Asian dads don't knock people up and hit the road. Now, oh, make, snap into focus. Made sense. Not living in Florida. Bought it in the Daihatsu. Know what I'm saying? Now, I'm such a crazy stereotype guy that I like, huh, single Asian mom. Pow, dead. Dead, okay. Now I'm cool. That makes sense. All right, keep going, Tina. But Riverside.

1:15:46 Caller Well, actually, I only go to, I actually, my boyfriend lives in Riverside and I'm actually from the Bay Area.

1:15:54 Adam Boom, pow, straighten out again. I'm two for two. All right. And-

1:16:01 Drew You have a boyfriend in Riverside. He goes to UC Riverside.

1:16:04 Adam It, no.

1:16:05 Drew He lives in Riverside.

1:16:06 Adam That doesn't matter. She's Asian.

1:16:09 Drew His parents are Taiwan.

1:16:11 Adam I did it. I'm still, I'm focusing on her. I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. But from the Bay Area, dad bought it in the car crash.

1:16:18 Drew Yeah, it's all focused. But I bet, what do you wanna bet? He goes to UC Riverside.

1:16:22 Adam Tina. What's he doing in, in Riverside?

1:16:26 Caller He goes to school at UCR.

1:16:30 Adam Drew, Asian stereotype number three in sharp relief. Fantastic. All right. So studious, good students.

1:16:41 Drew It's a good science school. You serve perfect. Is he studying science? Him.

1:16:48 Caller No, he's studying for psychology. He wants to be a law student.

1:16:51 Drew Law student.

1:16:52 Adam All right. All right. It's all working out. It's all working out for us. You're a mess. But for us, in terms of stereotype, it's really working out.

1:17:00 Drew Satisfaction.

1:17:01 Adam Very satisfying. So Tina, you need to get some therapy because of what you've been through.

1:17:08 Drew You're experiencing flashbacks. It's gonna be difficult to have intimacy with anybody. You're gonna constantly sort of separate out that part of yourself that is sexual. You're gonna have trouble feeling sexual with somebody you genuinely care about. You're gonna have a tendency to seek out as destructive and abusive guys in order to attach to that part of yourself that is the sexual part that you associate with being dirty and a victim. And the guy that you actually do care about and you actually are in love with, strangely enough, you're gonna be able to be sexual with him. When you are, you're gonna feel dirty and sort of out of place and that, right? So you gotta bring those, that has to be all integrated back into a whole. And boy, if you really care about this guy, you're getting to some therapy.

1:17:42 Adam Yeah, for you and for him. There you go.

1:17:45 Drew There you go.

1:17:45 Adam All right, whew.

1:17:48 Drew That was bullet there, yeah.

1:17:50 Adam Alan? 19. You like to be punched and beat up during sex.

1:17:58 Caller I don't just like to be punched and beat up. I like to be choked and it like creeps a lot of people out.

1:18:03 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:18:05 Caller Yeah.

1:18:05 Drew This reminds me of the guy that stole the head.

1:18:08 Adam Yeah, now, do you like to be choked? You like being with girls or with guys?

1:18:12 Caller Well, I'm not attracted to guys, but for some reason I enjoy anal stimulation, so I go ahead and like let guys do me.

1:18:20 Adam Yep, same with Drew. Yeah.

1:18:26 Caller I don't like to look at guys.

1:18:27 Adam No, not sexually, not sexually.

1:18:30 Drew No, just.

1:18:30 Adam Not unless you happen to see a mirror when one of them's cornhole in there.

1:18:34 Drew That's not a sexual act. You just.

1:18:37 Adam That's a violent act.

1:18:38 Drew It's a violent act.

1:18:40 Adam Where you come?

1:18:41 Drew He does, yeah.

1:18:43 Adam Okay, Trevor, if this is a real call, I mean, Alan, sorry. Alan, if this is a real call, this sounds like a disaster.

1:18:52 Caller Oh, it's definitely real.

1:18:55 Adam Yeah, I can hear it in your voice.

1:18:57 Drew This is sexual and physical abuse.

1:18:59 Adam You're not attracted to guys, yet you engage in anal sex.

1:19:04 Drew When you're with girls, you like them to choke you and beat the crap out of you.

1:19:07 Adam Right, so were you beat up as a child? And the guys too. Were you beat up as a child?

1:19:12 Caller No, I used to fight with my dad all the time from probably about the time I was five.

1:19:18 Drew No, not fight, your dad would beat the crap out of you. How much of a fight can a five-year-old have with an adult man?

1:19:23 Adam I could have kicked my dad's ass when I was six and a half, seven.

1:19:26 Drew Well, strangely, your dad wouldn't have challenged you.

1:19:28 Adam No, no, he was too smart.

1:19:30 Drew And then when...

1:19:31 Adam You don't want a first grader just putting an ass full of an adult.

1:19:33 Drew When did the sexual abuse start?

1:19:36 Caller I can't really... There was none per se of sexual abuse. I don't know.

1:19:42 Drew Well, whatever happened that's not per se.

1:19:45 Caller I know I had an overly demanding and overly bearing mother and I do seek dominant women.

1:19:51 Adam And when you say you and your dad would fight, I mean, would your dad beat on you pretty good?

1:19:56 Caller Oh, he'd bust me up, man.

1:19:59 Adam Yeah. That's what you... This is what that creates.

1:20:02 Caller Blood everywhere, man. My nose just gushed blood like crazy.

1:20:06 Drew Did somebody finally arrest your dad?

1:20:08 Caller No, I just, I finally beat the crap out of him last year. Smart. And I thought I always wanted to. But when I did, I finally, I just like lost it and cried.

1:20:21 Adam Yeah, that's good. It's kind of like a boy named Sue. It's like a Johnny Cash song. Hey, Alan? So you sound like you're a mess.

1:20:30 Caller I like to be duct taped and paddled too. I neglected to mention that.

1:20:34 Adam Hold on a second.

1:20:38 Drew It has a bogus quality. And yet, there's something creepy about it at the same time. I wonder this one is rare circumstances where he sort of is that guy and is effing with us.

1:20:52 Adam Oh, therefore he knows that guy. He knows the character. Yes.

1:20:58 Drew That and he just wants to sort of be defiant to us.

1:21:04 Adam Alan? We're not sure if this is bogus or not. Better fair share tonight. How about this?

1:21:14 Drew You creep me out.

1:21:15 Adam How about a little therapy for the abuse of past that you've lived?

1:21:20 Caller Yeah. Yeah. I've been thinking about that.

1:21:22 Adam I think that's a good idea. Here's the thing, y'all. A couple of things. You have impulses to do things that you probably know aren't healthy. Well, what's healthy? Well, what's healthy is there's a sort of societal norm.

1:21:35 Drew No, no. Don't even use words like norm.

1:21:36 Adam All right. I don't like doing it. But look, here's the thing.

1:21:39 Drew There's a spectrum of what most people do because that's what most humans normally do.

1:21:45 Adam And let's just put it this way. Geese fly south for the winter. And if you're heading north, you look into it. You look into it. You could freeze.

1:21:55 Drew You're right. That is not natural for the goose.

1:21:58 Adam That's right. And I'm not telling you not to go north because I don't like you.

1:22:02 Drew Enjoy. Go north. But if you do, you might freeze your asshole.

1:22:04 Adam I'm telling you, you're going to starve and freeze. Yeah.

1:22:07 Drew For your own good.

1:22:08 Adam Right.

1:22:09 Drew Not that society cares about. All the other geese flying south could give a rat's ass.

1:22:12 Adam No.

1:22:13 Drew The geese is a perfect example because the one flying north is going, look at all them flying south. Oh, they're going the man's way. You know what I mean?

1:22:21 Adam Right.

1:22:21 Drew And they don't care about me and they're running into me trying to get in the way of my flying north. No, no. They're flying south. They don't give a rat's ass about you flying north.

1:22:29 Adam No, we don't. And by the way, the only time we do really give a rat's ass is when you start getting in our crap, like we wake up and you're naked in our yard or you're trying to rape our son or you...

1:22:41 Drew Stay with the goose thing. You're crapping on our lawn.

1:22:44 Adam I'm sorry. That's what I meant. Yeah. You're crapping on our lawn.

1:22:46 Drew You're running into us in mid-flight because we're trying to go south. You're going north.

1:22:49 Adam That's right. That's when we care. That's when we care. So and by the way, guys like Alan, there's no reason why you have to be a slave to your past this way.

1:22:58 Mm-hmm.

1:22:59 Adam And a horrible dad, that's fine. You don't have to go out, make a life of reenactment for another 60 years and then die.

1:23:05 Drew Well, let's put it this way. If you don't get help, you have to. You will. It's in your brain. It's in the wiring. It's in the circuitry of your brain. You have to if you don't get some help with it.

1:23:15 Adam All right. Let's fly north to the commode.

1:23:18 Drew South, please.

1:23:19 Adam South, south to the commode. We'll be right back after this.

1:23:23 Caller 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1.

1:23:50 Adam Hey, yo, Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Get it on and freak out. Yeah. Woo, doggy. I know you want to take this call, Drew, but look at this call. Stepdad just died. She's happy. He was abusive. Yeah.

1:24:08 Drew Let's share and celebrate on her behalf.

1:24:10 Adam Yeah, let's dance on his grave.

1:24:13 Caller Yeah?

1:24:14 Adam Stepdad is how old when he died?

1:24:16 Caller Is he dying? I'm not quite sure. My mom had been divorced from him for a while.

1:24:24 Drew Give us a guess. 60s, 70s, 50s?

1:24:27 Caller No, not even. Ooh, late 40s.

1:24:31 Drew What did he die of?

1:24:33 Caller Well, he was a extreme alcoholic and drug addict.

1:24:38 Drew Good times.

1:24:39 Caller They found him face down dead in the house that we built.

1:24:46 Adam Your mom had divorced him and he sexually abused you? No, no.

1:24:50 Caller It was physical, emotional, mental abuse, gun to the head at age 10.

1:24:56 Drew What's with your mom bringing that guy in the house?

1:25:01 Caller Actually, he wasn't like that when he married her. My mom and my dad got divorced when I was like five.

1:25:10 Drew Let me guess, because your dad was an alcoholic?

1:25:13 Caller My real dad? No, my real dad was a cheater.

1:25:17 Caller Not a drinker though?

1:25:19 Caller No, not a drinker. Actually, my real dad is really cool. We have a really good relationship going now. But most of my life, I really didn't talk to my dad much. He wasn't in my life very much.

1:25:30 Adam Don't let him off the hook so easily either, by the way.

1:25:33 Caller Oh, trust me, I haven't. I mean, I've made him work for this relationship.

1:25:38 Adam Yeah, good. Then on around like five to 25, and then they got cosign on a centra, and all of a sudden, they're back.

1:25:45 Drew Well, by the way, what has changed in his life that he's suddenly so available for a relationship?

1:25:50 Caller I think he just realized he's getting old and his parents died.

1:25:55 Adam Please say she sobered up.

1:25:57 Drew I was going to say, he just smacked her with an alcoholic and recovered. I just said he's just smacks of an addict and alcoholic in recovery. He's now available for a relationship.

1:26:11 Caller Yeah. Well, my real dad, yeah, I don't know what his deal is. He didn't really, I guess, didn't really care about his kids much growing up. But my stepdad, my stepdad, my mom's married to now.

1:26:26 Adam That's great. So the abusive guy's dead. Good. Great. Good. And it's liberating. And let me say this, when bad people die, it's a good thing. Well, you know, let me tell you, let me, let me explain. If you don't think that's a good thing, let me explain something. Imagine the utopia we would be living in of all people all over the world. If automatically every very bad person just died, wouldn't be great.

1:26:58 Drew Your sense of a bad person. How dare you?

1:27:01 Adam Poor engineer Chris would have to step over us to get out the door. But other than that, it would be utopia. And look, I'm not talking about cheat, cheated on their taxes. I'm just talking about God's version of a bad person that needs to die. Someone who is going to take someone else's life or take someone else's dignity or their childhood or what have you. I'd be fine with that and it'd be awesome. And then guess what? Everyone go to bed, leave your doors open tonight. Fantastic. Leave the keys in the ignition of the car. Wouldn't it be great? Hey, hey, all that billions of dollars of junk they got at the airport and the lines. Everyone waits for hours. We're gone. Pack it up, move it out. Hey, no one's going to do anything on a plane. We're fine. Wouldn't it be nice? Imagine that.

1:27:51 Drew All right.

1:27:52 Adam You ready to rock here, Drew?

1:27:54 Drew Yeah, I'm just thinking I have mixed feelings about it because I know some of the… it's such a strange thing because…

1:27:59 Adam TS.

1:27:59 Drew Well, I know, but Amy's stepdad was an addict with a bad disease.

1:28:03 Adam BFD.

1:28:04 Drew A lot of these victimizers were victims themselves. It's that crazy line. You wish that… here's what I wish. I wish we had a way to step in for these people's conditions before they acted out on other people. That's what I would wish. And once they do act out, then it's back in Adam's court. Two…

1:28:25 Adam yeah. Doug?

1:28:28 Yes, hello. Yes, Adam, you're a genius, Drew, you're a passionate, okay. I have major problems with my urine stream. It goes, you know, left and right. It used to go straight down, you know…

1:28:42 Drew Do you have a split in your stream or do you have sort of a wiper spray?

1:28:47 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's kind of web, like, yeah, yeah, kind of web. Yeah.

1:28:54 Adam Hey, Doug?

1:28:55 Yeah.

1:28:55 Drew Did he answer my question?

1:28:57 Adam He said kind of web.

1:28:59 Drew Web?

1:28:59 Adam Web.

1:28:59 I'm sorry, I thought you said…

1:29:02 Adam That's all right.

1:29:02 Drew Is it a split stream? Is it a split stream, too, like a forked tongue and a snake split?

1:29:07 Yeah, yeah, yeah, lots of times it's split.

1:29:09 Drew Okay, split stream. All right, go ahead.

1:29:12 Adam Hey, Doug?

1:29:12 Yeah.

1:29:13 Adam Do you have any…let's get off the urine for just one second. Do you have any other problems? Sounds like you may have some other problems.

1:29:23 No.

1:29:24 Drew Are you on a medication?

1:29:27 Just kidding. No, no medication, nothing like that.

1:29:30 Adam Wow, that scared me.

1:29:32 Drew That did scare me, too.

1:29:33 Adam Doug, what do you do for a living?

1:29:36 Oh, I'm a self-employed artist.

1:29:39 Caller Uh-oh.

1:29:41 No, no uh-oh, it's all good.

1:29:43 Adam What do you work in?

1:29:44 What do you mean, what do I work in?

1:29:46 Drew What kind of materials do you work in?

1:29:47 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, oil paint and, you know, drawing, but mainly oil paint.

1:29:51 Adam What do you do? What kind of stuff do you draw?

1:29:54 Well, I have my own original art and then I have my commissions, which are, you know, specific things that people want and then your dog's playing poker on film. On top of that, I have, you know, graphic design on my computer.

1:30:13 Adam And you're doing it. I think that was Anderson. All right. So you're doing okay.

1:30:20 Yeah, it's all right. I mean, not as good as I want to be doing, you know, you know, so artists, I'm always trying to get better.

1:30:27 Drew Back to the urine. Does it hurt when you pee? Do you feel an urgency? An urgency to pee?

1:30:33 Adam Let Anderson answer. Ask a few no questions, Drew. Go ahead.

1:30:37 Drew Do you feel an urgency to pee? No. And have you ever had any prostate problems?

1:30:45 Caller No, no.

1:30:47 Caller No, no.

1:30:49 Drew Any sexually transmitted diseases? No, no. Doug? No. And have you had any new sexual partners lately?

1:30:59 Machine gun, no.

1:31:00 Drew No. So the split stream and the wiper stream all that is a sign of inflammation of the urethra.

1:31:08 Right, right. I know. One of those, one of the like the particles that I see floating up kind of north away.

1:31:16 Adam All right. Hold on.

1:31:17 Whoo.

1:31:18 Adam Hold on a little. Hold on a second there, Cosmo.

1:31:20 Drew We were going north.

1:31:22 Adam Anderson, I'm going to ask him some hypothetical questions. All right. No. Have you ever broken a number two pencil off in your urethra? When you urinate, do you find that one stream hits a magazine rack while the other hits a decorative soap dish? Do you have a unusually large penis? Have you ever not been with a guy? That was a trick question.

1:32:03 Drew You had to think about it for a second.

1:32:04 Adam I had to think about that one. Do you think the Cardinals are going to win the series? No.

1:32:25 Drew Doug, here's the deal. It could be an infection, prostate, urethral infection. You do need to see a doctor about this. Even things like urethral stones, bladder stones, prostate stones can cause it.

1:32:35 You know what? The jar that I actually collected the particles in was actually the size of a mason jar.

1:32:47 Drew Well done.

1:32:48 Adam Hey, there was a song called the, by the Human Beans back in the 60s.

1:33:45 This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

1:33:47 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

1:34:04 Drew Oh, let's get out of here.

1:34:06 Adam Well, I got to get back to you. Yeah. Yeah. Fan me, baby. That's true.

1:34:17 Drew Feverishly. Yeah. Keep this cloud away from me.

1:34:21 Adam Desperate.

1:34:22 Drew All right. Let's get out of here.

1:34:23 Adam All right. Let's get out of here. I want to thank everyone.

1:34:29 Drew And good night, everybody.

1:34:30 Adam Till next time, Adam Carolla, Dr. Drew Sam, mahalo. So you sound like you're a mess.

1:34:36 Caller I like to be duct taped and paddled, too. I neglected to mention that.

1:34:42 Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, October 24, 2004