Episode 1000652892985

0:56 Voiceover Online is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:20 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist. All right, Sara Rue in the studio tonight. Good to see you, baby doll. Sara, of course, you know, from Less Than Perfect, ABC 930 on Friday nights. Part of TGIF lineup.

1:42 Sara Rue Yeah, there's the new TGIF this year on ABC.

1:45 Adam I'm telling you, I go way back with the TGIF.

1:49 Sara Rue What do you think of when you think of TGIF?

1:51 Adam I think of Patrick Duffy.

1:54 Drew I think I think it's the teenage witch.

1:57 Sara Rue Oh, see, I think of Belki. Oh, yeah, that's what I think of.

2:03 Adam Cut so deep, though, because that used to be on Friday nights. And I was in my crappy one bedroom apartment with my three roommates. And it would be a Friday night. I was making eight bucks an hour and I had my crappy pickup truck. And I just sit there all alone, just just crying and what was the actor's name?

2:21 Bronson Pinchot.

2:22 Drew And we ended up on Hollywood Squares with him. Remember?

2:25 Adam Oh, yes, we did.

2:26 Drew Isn't that funny?

2:26 Adam I forgot about that.

2:28 Sara Rue Yeah, it's a whole new TGIF now.

2:30 Adam I didn't think of that. I didn't think of that as TGIF back then.

2:34 Sara Rue See, that was the TGIF when I was a little girl.

2:36 Adam But did they advertise it as TGIF or wasn't it? This is what's on Friday night. Like they didn't do the whole here's I remember when step by step got going with that. I used to watch that too.

2:46 Full house.

2:47 Sara Rue It's like it goes back to like beginning full house days.

2:50 Adam And they would say big TGIF promotions back in 1986. You know what I'm saying?

2:57 I mean, yes.

3:00 Adam So I'm just saying, technically you're right. It was Friday night programming. I just didn't, it didn't go by TGIF.

3:06 Sara Rue Maybe not. Maybe you're right.

3:08 Adam Well, the point is, is there's a new TGIF and Sheriff in town. Oh, that's a good one.

3:14 That's a good one. You got, you need me.

3:15 Sara Rue I'm going to take that back to my peeps at ABC and see what they think about that one.

3:19 Adam Please bring that one back. And and and it's and its name is less than perfect. Or his name. No, her name is Sara.

3:27 Drew Okay.

3:28 Adam Wait a minute.

3:28 Drew TGIF and fun.

3:29 Adam Let me see.

3:30 Drew TGIF in good time.

3:31 It'll be a whole range of things.

3:33 Sara Rue It goes against the whole ABC thing. I don't know.

3:36 Drew It's Disney.

3:36 They'll go with it.

3:38 Adam Kids are getting edgy these days. You got to know how to talk to them. I was noticing Sara's Rock the Vote button. And I was I was thinking and I'm I'm I'm down with rock and the vote. But now I'm seeing all these posters that say like vote or die. That's a and it's like 50 cent. And, you know, Justin Timberlake and all of a sudden they look angry. And first off, I think, what are you pussies angry about? Number one, number two, trying to intimidate me into voting like, oh, oh, look at Justin. He looks he looks very somber about the whole political situation. He says vote or die. And I think I don't know if I am I an idiot for being angry at this stuff? No, Sarah, stop me.

4:23 Sara Rue No, I think I don't want you to waste your energy on the voter die. I think they're just trying to get the message across as, you know, as much as they possibly can, especially in this year.

4:32 Adam Oh, here's what I here's I get the feeling. I really do get the feeling that the celebrities don't know what the F is going on. TGIF and what's going on.

4:41 Drew They had extensive training in political science.

4:44 Justin Timberlake. First off, he grew up in Florida.

4:48 Adam So it means he knows nothing. OK, then he spent all his impressionable years over at Mickey's house. And then he was in a boy band. And about one time he banged a chick who was a polypsi major over to junior college.

5:02 Drew Just that's about as close as he got an education was a political science major like three years after the fact. So it's right.

5:08 Adam Right. So OK, so what's he know about voting and why am I being intimidated? And what's he so angry for?

5:14 Sara Rue You should look within yourself. Why are you being intimidated by Justin Timberlake?

5:18 Adam I just see that he's got the puss on. He's looking angry and then 50 cents in a bad mood about the voting. And then everyone's like looking down and got their hands in their pocket and trying to like sort of cool you into voting. I don't want to be cooled into voting.

5:33 Sara Rue Well, are you registered to vote?

5:34 Adam No, no, no, I don't care.

5:37 Look, here's the thing.

5:38 Adam First off, Bush hasn't even been in the White House for a year. He's he's he's out. He's he's on the ranch. Look, here's what's here. Here's what goes on, by the way. First off, what what's why the Democrats and the young Democrats, especially the Hollywood community, they get so melodramatic about the whole thing. So, oh, oh, my God, if Bush wins, I'm going to leave town. I mean, it's going to ruin it. He's just going to ruin. Yeah. You say that every year. Every year a guy comes in and nothing changes. You get a bigger paycheck. You buy a bigger house in Malibu. What's the big deal? Really? And I would I would I would I would take it further. I bet you wouldn't know. I bet you wouldn't know. I bet a lot of these loud mouth Hollywood types would have no idea if there's a Democrat or Republican in the office two years after the election. If we just kept them in a box and somehow shielded them from that actual piece of information. Then you put a gun to their head and they and he said, Who won? Tell us the big difference, smart ass. They never know. And they'd never take that bet.

6:34 Sara Rue You are so angry.

6:36 Adam I am. I am. I'm having to ask for everybody in their their retarded opinions. I don't even think we need a president. I don't. Bush hasn't been in the White House in a year. He's all over the place. You're not doing anything.

6:48 Drew Stumping.

6:48 Adam I don't know who's running things. I get the feeling like it's just up and running.

6:52 Sara Rue Well, that's the point. People want someone in the office who's actually doing something. And I think that's why this year everyone is being so political is because they feel like nothing has been done, maybe.

7:00 Adam Yeah, I know. And there's that fantasy that, you know, Kerry's going to get in there and somehow our lives are going to be different. They're not. It's not going to change a thing. He's not going to do anything. He would have done it by now if he was going to do something. He really would have. What's he going to do? You'll never know. I guarantee you'll never know.

7:16 Sara Rue That's not true. There are so many.

7:18 Oh, it's such a Shangri-La.

7:19 Adam Well, when Clint was in there with Shangri-La, when Carter was in there, all the streets of gold were paved with gold. Please. You don't even know. You can't even tell the difference. You really can't. It's just it's a cyclical thing. There's good. There's good economic times. There's bad economic times. Everyone wants to pin it on the Republicans or the Democrats. Even if a Republican is in office, they go, well, it was that it was a prior Democratic administration that paved the way for. Oh, please. It's just everything sort of cyclical. Just take care of your goddamn family and shut up. That's all I want everyone to go out and vote, do whatever you want. Oh, by the way, do we need we got 150 million people who could are voting age, maybe 200 million people. We can't let five million people settle it. We need all 200 million to do it. Really?

8:06 200 million people got to vote.

8:08 Adam You can't can't let five million people. Do you know what I'm saying?

8:12 Drew Found your fathers were very afraid of that.

8:13 You know, they were. They're scared.

8:15 Drew They did not.

8:15 Adam What do you think, Sara?

8:17 Sara Rue You know what? I think that being an American citizen, you have the right and it's a privilege and you should go vote and you. And if you don't vote, then you can't complain about it.

8:25 Adam I never complain.

8:26 Drew It was actually Andrew Jackson that brought us democracy. A version of it that we know of today.

8:31 Adam Well, what? But what would you be OK with 10 million people voting? We need 80 million people voting.

8:38 Sara Rue No, I think as many people that live here that can get out and vote, I think it's really important because it represents a really huge cross.

8:44 Adam Well, let me ask you this. Let me tell you this. NASCAR. It's the number one TV show. You know what I'm saying? People are idiots. You know what I'm saying? NASCAR number one retards. You understand you want you want all the NASCAR guys voting? You want somebody?

9:02 Sara Rue I have no comment on that.

9:03 Adam You don't want to voting, do you? Think of all drive up and down the street. Look around. See all the people you don't want voting. You see what I mean? One idiot throwing the vote away nullifies yours. One drunken NASCAR fan nullifies yours. You understand that? You're begging the guy to go out and vote. You're going to vote for Kerry. One drunken NASCAR guy is going to be going to be draped in the Confederate flag. He's going to be wearing the Tom. No, Richard Petty wrap around sunglasses and he's going to drag his drunken ass, drunk on grain alcohol, and he's going to cast that vote for Bush. And you're going to be canceled out. Do you want him to vote?

9:41 That's what she does.

9:42 She wants the system to work.

9:43 She wants the system to work.

9:44 Adam There's a lot more dumb people than there are smart people. And those MTV retards. Really?

9:49 You want them voting too?

9:51 Sara Rue I want everybody to get out and vote if they have an opinion. I want everyone to be as informed as they possibly can be and go pull down that lever.

10:00 Adam I don't trust this country. I don't like I don't trust a lot of people. I think the idiots who people watch MTV are idiots and the NASCAR guys are idiots.

10:08 Drew We love our callers, though, and you're not going to talk to them. Oh, yeah, you're not going to think I know. So you want to make sure I'm going to lay down on the phone.

10:17 I'll go to the phones.

10:18 Adam I'll go to the phones.

10:19 There. Pow.

10:20 Adam There you go. Marie. You're 28. Yeah. Drew tried. Drew wanted me to talk more about voting and yell at Sara Rue more. But I said, no, no, I'm going to the phones. How do you like me now?

10:34 Drew I'm disgusted.

10:35 Adam You might keep talking. I'll go to another call.

10:36 All right.

10:38 Drew Don't finish this call first.

10:39 Adam Marie. Oh, yeah. Well, now I'm going to finish with this call. So what do you think of that? Wonderful. Thinks he can fool me. You can't manipulate me.

10:48 Drew I know. I'm sorry. I beg your pardon. That I could even think that way is just a shock. It's just an embarrassment. I'm sorry. I'm ashamed.

10:54 Adam Marie.

10:55 Yes.

10:56 Adam Drew thinks he can move me around. Go ahead.

11:00 My problem is my husband doesn't really want to have sex nearly as often as I do. Not nearly enough.

11:07 Drew And what do you want?

11:10 You know, it's such a long story. You know, when it started out, it was hot and heavy all the time. I kind of expect things to drop off a bit after you know, you start dating. We got married pretty quickly.

11:25 Adam Everyone's got such a rap that you can't ask them a question.

11:28 Drew They've got the story that they've got to have you here.

11:32 Adam My husband, he dropped off. He dropped off.

11:35 Drew How much do you want to have sex?

11:36 Adam I was 1969. My parents came here from Geneva, Switzerland.

11:41 Drew I was a product of normal spontaneous vaginal delivery.

11:44 Adam Marie, how often do you want it a week?

11:48 Ideally, five times.

11:51 Drew What does he want?

11:52 Like once every two weeks.

11:54 Drew Maybe you're kind of pushing him away a little bit. You're a freak.

11:57 Adam Drew, please. Are you freaking him out?

12:01 I don't know what the deal is. And I'm almost always initiating it, too.

12:07 Drew Yeah, but that freaks some guys out. It turns their volume down a little bit.

12:12 Adam Well, here's what can happen. This weird cycle. It actually works the exact same with men as it does with women, which is one becomes the aggressor, usually the guy. The other becomes the one who's saying, I'm not really feeling it right now. And then all of a sudden, you just take on that role. Like, uh-oh, the person's coming down the hall. Uh-oh, guy's wearing a towel. He's kicked his slippers off. Now I gotta avoid. You don't even know what you're avoiding anymore. This could be what he's doing.

12:41 Drew But, Marty, is there anything else we need to know about you and your sex drive? Are you bipolar?

12:46 No, no.

12:47 Drew Were you sexually abused growing up?

12:49 No.

12:50 Drew Okay, so this is just your engine.

12:52 This is how I've always been. I've always just been really horny all the time.

12:57 Drew Okay, and you don't stray or have chaos in your relationships or anything like that.

13:01 Well, a relationship, other than that, is really great, you know.

13:05 Adam He's wonderful. All right, is he doing drugs or anything?

13:08 No, no, no. He's a straight guy.

13:10 Adam Tired, depressed?

13:11 Drew Yeah, right. Medication?

13:12 Nope, none of it.

13:14 Drew Is he exercising regularly?

13:16 Well, no, I guess not, but he does physical labor, so kind of.

13:22 Sara Rue Maybe he's just tired.

13:24 Adam What's he do for a living?

13:26 He is a general contractor.

13:29 Adam Yeah, that's stressful. That's tiring.

13:31 It is stressful, but I'm supposed to be the anti-stress, you know what I mean? I'm supposed to, like, you know...

13:38 Drew Relieve the stress.

13:39 Adam Exactly. Well, how about you give a nice...

13:42 I've backed off, you know, because for a while I was really pretty pushy about it, and then I realized this was just worsening it, so I totally back off. But if I totally back off, I'm seriously not getting laid at all.

13:57 Adam So what do I do? All right, is anything wrong with you?

14:01 Drew Yeah, I get a little more energy here than just sex drive.

14:05 Adam A little bit.

14:08 Drew Tell us more about yourself. Is there anything else that would sort of be behind your sex drive, you know, sort of creating that intense need?

14:13 I don't think so.

14:17 Adam No, you never got abused, nothing weird.

14:18 Drew No physical abuse, huh?

14:20 No, no, none.

14:21 Adam All right, all right, you just, you got one of those motors. You got one of those motors on you.

14:26 Drew You know, I personally think the guy just has to, you yelled at the women just to hold still. The guy's got to kind of double down here.

14:33 Adam Will you let him, can he watch a little porno?

14:37 Yeah, you know, he's not really into it so much. Like, I'm kind of into porn and I'm like, you know, he's pretty shy about his sexuality anyway. So it's kind of hard to get it out because I've asked him, you know, like, what turns you on, blah, blah, blah, and he's never really very clear about it with me.

14:53 Adam Well, Drew is a man of exquisite passion, can find no common ground with this man. Couldn't hang. Doesn't even, couldn't, you guys have nothing. If you guys, like, were sitting next to each other on a plane, he was like, hi, how you doing, Mac? You'd be like, you couldn't even talk, right? Right.

15:10 Turn his nose up, Adam.

15:12 Adam Turn his sack up. Huh. Yeah. Hopefully, not wanting to make contact with him, like if he handed you the nuts, you would wipe down the container.

15:23 Drew Could be contagious. Look, I think he needs to step up a little bit. I think she'd probably be good with once or twice a week.

15:32 Adam Well, and I don't know how she conveys this to him, though. Sara, how would you convey this to him? Come on, baby doll.

15:39 Sara Rue Yeah, this is awkward since my husband's actually in the studio.

15:43 Drew Let's bring him in here and talk to him about it.

15:46 Sara Rue No. You know, I think that, you know, look, it's always cyclical. I think that your sex life goes crazy and then you sort of have down periods. And I think maybe they're just hitting sort of a down time in their sex life. And maybe if she just...

16:00 Adam Uh-oh, a man of passion has released there.

16:02 Drew That time lasts weeks. It doesn't last years.

16:04 Adam Well, here's the other thing, too. Her cadence, people have a cadence. Her cadence is fast and his cadence is slow. And, you know, abuse, trauma, drug use, morbid obesity and all that stuff aside, that's the cadence. He's twice a month. She's 25 times a month.

16:23 Sara Rue So maybe she needs to figure out a way to take care of herself, right?

16:26 Adam They're going to... It doesn't work for women, though. They need to contact, unfortunately. They're going to need to meet...

16:33 Drew Adam has a personal story.

16:34 Adam They're going to need to meet somewhere about eight times a month, maybe ten times a month.

16:40 Drew I think he could get by with eight easily. Even six to eight.

16:44 Adam He's at two or three. He's at two a month. He needs to get up to around six or eight a month.

16:49 Drew He needs to understand it's important.

16:51 Sara Rue Can I make a crazy suggestion? Maybe she should rent a little motel room. Sometimes it's nice to get out of your bedroom where maybe there's been tension.

17:01 Drew You're thinking like a woman. You're thinking like a woman. A guy is good.

17:05 Sara Rue I think that men relax when they're out of the home and they're sort of away from...

17:09 Drew This isn't a stress thing, I don't think. He'd be having a rectal problem, things like that, if it was really stress about the home.

17:15 Sara Rue Yeah.

17:17 Adam It's true. Plus, if a chick was hot, I'd nail her in Dahmer's apartment. Just bend her over one of those freezers with the heads in it and just go at it. We don't need to go anyplace. We don't need to go anywhere. That's how it is with women though. Women need to bath. You need to be swept away.

17:38 You need a little romance.

17:40 Drew There's all this great F-functional MRI stuff coming out now about how much of the women's brain is used in their sexuality and how the drive centers don't hook in naturally with it. Men, visual, appetite, drive, all happen spontaneously without any other input from any cortical functions.

17:54 Sara Rue Every man.

17:55 Drew Every man. No variation on that.

17:57 Adam Wow, except for Andy Dick.

17:58 Drew Except for Andy Dick. He's destroyed some of those areas.

18:01 Adam That's different.

18:03 Drew Men do not come in a variety. That's the thing about men. There's a little slight subtle variation.

18:10 Adam If we were like one of those cereal variety packs, the mini ones. They'd all be sugar puffs. Yeah, we'd just be sugar puffs. No, because that's a good one. We'd be more total. We'd be total, total, total, total, total.

18:24 Total, total, total, total, total, total.

18:26 Adam And then the plain. Once in a while you get the plain shredded wheat. Nothing on it.

18:31 Drew Yeah, the big one.

18:33 Yeah, that's it.

18:37 Adam That's it. That's what we would be. Women are the variety pack. Man, you got the Wheaties, you got the Fruit Loops.

18:43 Drew And every variety pack is different.

18:44 Adam Everything's in between. That's right. Man, nothing. We don't need the pack. We just get the big box. Go to Price Club, get the big box.

18:52 Sara Rue So then what's the solution for this poor woman?

18:54 Drew This guy needs to, the guy needs to, she needs to express to him that this is, she's not kidding, this is important. And he needs, as a husband, to step it up. He needs to really step it up.

19:02 Adam And he'll probably, he's getting psyched out by it. He'll probably end up enjoying it.

19:08 Drew He has to realize it's important. He has to convey that to him, and he needs to step it up. Not shrink away.

19:13 Adam Alright, let's play a little Germany or Florida.

19:17 Drew Alright, play that Sara with us.

19:18 Adam I don't know if we play that with Sara. This all bizarre stories emanate from either Germany or Florida. The caller is going to tell us the bizarre, sometimes macabre story. And we will then decide, is it Germany or Florida? Joseph?

19:35 Drew Hang on a second, Joseph. Anderson, I have not heard the theme song, any of the theme songs in quite some time.

19:40 Adam Anderson, what about the theme song to Germany or Florida?

19:43 Drew Let me dig her up.

19:46 Adam He's like an old miner.

19:47 Sara Rue He's really on top of it.

19:48 Glad you noticed.

19:50 Adam Now listen, he may be drunk tonight.

19:52 I love how she's playing now.

19:53 Drew Speaking of drunk, you had to go and take a stand, huh?

19:55 Adam No.

19:56 Drew No?

19:56 Adam How dare you?

19:57 Drew A glass of wine? No. He is so offended.

20:01 Adam I did do some heroin. Yeah, I smoked a pot before I came in. How dare you? No, I ate some asparagus. Maybe that's what you're smelling. When we take our whiz, we got a whiz coming in about two and a half minutes.

20:14 Drew Oh, no. I was going with an oxygen mask.

20:16 Adam I mean, this is brutal. This is going to be brutal.

20:19 Drew That's how you got to come in and smell it. You must bear witness. You bear witness. It is something to behold.

20:25 Sara Rue It's such a pleasure coming here.

20:26 Drew The asparagus, pungent asparagus urine that Adam produces after he eats a bushel of asparagus and comes in here to announce, proclaims all.

20:35 Adam Drew loves it. It's like the Horn of Plenty coming out of me. Drew, why do you ask if I'm drunk? You smell it? Smell something?

20:42 Drew Something. No, no, no. It's very subtle. Something. Tired. Maybe.

20:48 Adam No. Took a nap. Skipped my rope. Ate my asparagus. Peed in the sink. Feeling good? All right.

20:55 Drew Not a single beer. No beer and a glass of wine.

20:57 Adam Not one beer, not one glass of wine. You're slipping, Drew. I would tell you. You know, I would. You know what? How dare you, by the way, though, because I never I never drink like, here's the whole thing. I love getting buzzed.

21:11 Drew I know.

21:11 Adam And high and all that stuff. Everything's great. But I don't like getting buzzed and going to work like it.

21:17 Drew No, no, I don't think your buzzed. I don't think your buzzed.

21:20 Did you work out today?

21:21 Adam I did. I skipped my row.

21:22 Maybe it's pouring out of your pores.

21:24 Adam It is pouring out. I am. I am sweating. I am pouring out of my pores. Last night? And did my usual half bottle of wine. Oh, actually box. I'm not drinking a box of wine.

21:34 Drew Your medicine.

21:34 Half box of wine.

21:35 Drew Your medicine, right?

21:36 Adam Yeah.

21:36 That's my medicine.

21:37 Drew Are we going to the...

21:38 Germany of Florida!

21:41 Drew With Andy.

21:42 Adam Is that Andy?

21:43 Drew Yeah.

21:44 Sara Rue Oh, wow. He's so talented.

21:45 Adam He really is.

21:46 Drew How about the song, Anderson?

21:47 Adam Speaking of drugs. Yeah. Let's hear the song. Do you have the song, Anderson?

21:53 I can't remember what I... Germany of Florida!

22:00 Adam It's Germany of Florida!

22:03 Drew Okay, Joseph, now tell us the story.

22:06 Adam Joseph, 17, go ahead.

22:08 All right, a man tried to fight off a repo man with a chainsaw and gasoline bombs before being arrested by police. The 52-year-old man barricaded himself in a single-family house while a repossessor arrived with a two-man police escort. He first drove off the trio by throwing gasoline bombs and a barbecue lighting device at them.

23:01 Drew Sounds German.

23:01 Adam It feels German. That's his very European flair to it. The chainsaw.

23:05 Drew White trash.

23:05 Adam That's an Uncle Sam move.

23:06 Drew Yeah, that's white trash.

23:08 Adam So, see, to me, it's like this. Yeah, my first impulse was Florida. The chainsaw in the repo feels very Floridian.

23:16 Drew Yes, yes. And then the guy in the single family home, I think you said.

23:19 Sara Rue Yeah, that sounds very...

23:20 Adam Moltoff cocktail feels sort of German. It's easy. I'm going Florida.

23:26 Drew I am, too.

23:26 Sara Rue I think so, too.

23:27 Drew Going Florida. Michelle says Germany.

23:29 Adam All right. All right. Engineer Michelle says Germany. Joseph.

23:34 I'm sorry, guys. It's Germany. Oh, good one.

23:37 Drew Well done. We have not missed one in about a week.

23:40 Adam No, I have. I missed one earlier in the week.

23:43 Drew I got it, though.

23:44 Adam You did. Yeah. Yeah, but we're not a team, buddy. It's every...

23:48 Drew You're on your own.

23:49 Adam Yeah, every A-hole firm's self around, versus TGIF and self around here. All right, Sara Rue is in studio tonight, part of the TGIF and funny lineup. I really think you ought to go with that.

24:04 Sara Rue I'm definitely going to talk to someone tomorrow.

24:06 Adam Kids are edgy these days. CBS would definitely go for this bet.

24:11 Sara Rue And that's what I'm going to say when I pitch it at ABC.

24:14 Adam Yeah, ABC back, though. Let me tell you.

24:17 Sara Rue Yeah, they are kicking some butt this year.

24:19 Adam Yeah, I got the Lost and the Death of the Housewives. Lost is so good.

24:23 Sara Rue It's great. It's so good. I'm so excited about Lost.

24:27 Adam Yeah, it's great. It's fun. Everyone's good looking. Where'd all those good? I can't get one good looking chick on a flight. They got like 11 good looks. They like crashed with the rock hats. Where'd they get all the hot chicks?

24:38 Drew And they all survived.

24:39 Adam Oh, the hot chicks survived, the ugly chicks. They all went. And here's the other thing. I've seen this. You know, you know what happened? I'm coming on to something here, Sara. I believe that there's certain conventions that happen in movies and someone does it early and then other movies just do it because they saw it in other movies and becomes acceptable. Hence the washed up on the beach thing. Like sometime in the 50s, there was a movie where a guy fell overboard during a horrible storm in the middle of the ocean. And then they cut to daylight and him on the beach, you know, tide wash up. He's face down too, which is funny. He does this. What happened? Must have passed out miles at sea. Yeah. Oh, there was 70 foot swells.

25:22 Drew Seventy foot swells, freezing cold water.

25:24 Adam Yeah. Hyperthermia must have knocked you out. No life raft, no life vests. You passed out and then he woke up on the sand. That's what happens. Meanwhile, guys are dying in kiddie pools all over the place. Right. OK. So that they did that in a movie like 50 years ago. And now when you make a movie, it's acceptable to have a guy pass out in the middle of the ocean.

25:46 And wash up.

25:47 Adam And wash up there. So, in movies now, in the movie Alive, about the soccer team and the Andes, that was a spectacular plane crash scene where the tail blew off the plane and it was wide open. And it's like.

26:02 Drew That's convention now.

26:03 Adam They're just flying the plane like, oh my God, look, oh wow, ho, ho, what is this? No tail. Well, we better, we better put this bird down because I'll tell you what, we got no tail, no tail.

26:16 Sara Rue I need to crap all over this ramp, but that was a true story.

26:19 Adam Yeah, but the plane didn't crash by the tail, the whole tail section blowing off. Something happened with the, you know, vertical wing spar or something and it crash landed. But in, in, in, in a lot and lost, it's the same things like pow, whole tail gone. Wow, look at that. We better put the plane down. When the tail blows off a plane, the plane just starts spiraling. I mean, it cartwheels immediately. The back end just fly out and you would just immediately cartwheel down. There's no, there's no, hey, we're missing the, we're, we're missing the rudder.

26:51 We're missing the tail.

26:53 Adam They're missing the horizontal stabilizer. Now, okay, let's, let's start thinking about it. Let's, let's put it down. We might make LaGuardia. No, no, let's put it down.

27:00 Drew Let's put it down.

27:01 Adam It says a very dangerous message. And here's what I don't like. It makes other, it makes other pilots seem bad. You know what I mean?

27:09 Drew You guys can't land the plane without the back.

27:10 Adam Guys over in New Jersey. Oh, look, you all you did. You didn't even lose your whole tail section. You just lost the vertical part and you went right into the Long Island. Wow. Must have been a bad pilot. Yeah, I saw loss. That whole half the plane was gone and landed. Just fine. Well, Sara Rue here. Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

27:27 Sara Rue Loveline.

27:30 My hair, my hair.

27:31 Sara Rue We'll be right back.

27:49 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Sara Rue in the studio tonight. She's angry at me for my tirade about voting earlier.

28:02 Sara Rue Yeah, so I gave him my rock the vote button, and it looks so cute on you.

28:06 Adam I just, I've had an ass full of voting and AIDS. Just go, just stop pretending, and just go let somebody handle it, and let's just go, let's move forward with our lives.

28:17 Sara Rue I like that positive outlook you have.

28:19 Adam Oh, I just, you know, I got to hear Paris Hilton talking about how important it is to vote. And of course, none of them voted in the last election, but they're all goddamn experts this year.

28:29 Sara Rue Because last election, they were all like 14.

28:31 Adam It didn't matter. Yeah, that's right. She's probably only done like three or four stag films at that by then. She didn't have the body of work behind her. Really, Paris Hilton, everybody. We've got to find out who she's voting for. That's it. I bet her dog tells her to vote, but like Tinkerbell, Tinkerbell probably probably going to command her to kill at some point. Yeah, it should be awesome. All right, everybody. Loveline, Sara Rue here, part of the TGIF and Funny Friday Night Lineup.

29:00 Sara Rue Very good.

29:01 Adam On ABC 930.

29:03 Sara Rue Yeah, we're the last show. So we're sort of the more adult show of the line up.

29:07 Adam Hence the F in part.

29:09 Sara Rue That's right.

29:10 Adam I do. Yeah, I do miss bosom buddies. Thank Christ, Drew, when you and I went out to do Dawson's Creek in North Carolina.

29:18 Drew Yeah.

29:19 Adam And we're coming with the three hour time difference. We were coming home from the radio show about three thirty.

29:24 Drew Yeah.

29:25 Adam Every night.

29:26 Drew Yes.

29:26 Adam Guess what came on at four in my horrible cabin.

29:29 Drew That's great. You had plenty to amuse yourself.

29:31 Adam I would sit there and watch bosom buddies in this basically this this bed and breakfast we're staying in that had a floor that was at it was listing to starboard about 70 degrees. Like just before the Titanic actually broke in half and went. That's what basically what it what it was. I was I would brush my teeth. The water I would pour water would I see it go to the side.

29:56 Drew Did you have the construction guys outside that I had?

29:58 Adam Yeah. But the point is, is I got to catch up on my bosom buddies.

30:03 Sara Rue Well, thank goodness for that.

30:05 Adam Yeah, they were mercifully playing it at 4 a.m. in North Carolina somewhere. I don't even know what the hell it was on Turner or something. But and then and then ahead to Step by Step, which I always watch with Suzanne Somers and Patrick Duffy. And now the legacy continues.

30:23 Sara Rue Wow, I am so honored to be put in that grouping. That is that's crazy.

30:28 Adam You could do a lot worse in Balky or Patrick. I'll tell you that right now.

30:32 Sara Rue Thanks.

30:33 Adam Also, my third season. Yeah. Yeah, just where the where the time go.

30:38 Sara Rue I know we just shot our 50th episode the other week. It's very exciting.

30:43 Adam And now I mean, you always used to say you got to make it to third. I'd make it to 100 for syndication, but they'll syndicate it now at 50. Oh, nice.

30:50 Sara Rue You're cool.

30:51 Adam Oh, yeah.

30:52 Sara Rue Oh, good to know.

30:53 Adam Yeah. Oh, you listen, you could shoot like three and a half episodes and FX would run the hell out of it. They did like that J. Moore show action. He shot like five episodes. They just ran. Really? Let's rock.

31:05 Let's go.

31:05 Adam Let's rock the vote. What do you say?

31:07 Let's not.

31:07 Adam Let me. I was going to.

31:09 Drew I'm sorry.

31:09 Adam I want to talk about parking for a minute, Drew, but.

31:13 Drew Yes, let's talk about that. Oh, I'm dying to hear about parking.

31:16 Adam Are you? Because I'm going to. Now, you know what?

31:19 Drew I want to hear about parking.

31:19 Adam No, I'm going to go to the phones. I'm going to go to the phones. I had an experience parking that I want to talk about, but I think I'm going to the phones. Yeah.

31:28 Drew No, no, no.

31:28 Adam I'm going to talk about parking.

31:29 Drew Yes, yes. No, yes. Yes.

31:31 Talk about parking.

31:33 Adam Well, guess what? Back to the phones. Trista? You're 27? Yep. You see, I'm a rebel, Trista. When the man, hence Dr. Drew over here, wants me to talk about parking, I go to the phones.

31:48 Drew All right.

31:48 Adam See what I'm saying? I always beat him. Beat him at his own game.

31:52 Drew What's up there?

31:54 Well, I have the opposite problem of a caller that you just had where he has a sex drive that's stronger than her husband. My husband has an immense sex drive and I have zero.

32:07 Adam Zero?

32:07 And I don't know what to do about it.

32:10 Adam But I don't want to go over the exact same answer because it really works male to female.

32:14 Drew Well, but she meant...

32:16 Adam Unless there's some abuse or something that we need to know about.

32:20 Not on my side. How do you say that?

32:29 Drew It's a low dose birth control. It can. Yeah. Some women, that really shuts them down. So you need to maybe get a pill that has some more estrogen in it. So you absolutely need to look at that. Is there anything else we need to know about your history? Is there anything that would be driving your sex drive down? Have you had a child recently or you're depressed on any other medication?

32:48 No, I've been on medication for depression in the past, but I'm not currently. I don't feel depressed in other aspects of my life.

32:57 Drew All right. Well, sometimes the SSRIs shut people down sexually and it keeps going after they come off them. That can happen sometimes.

33:04 Adam Why don't you just hold still and let him hump you a little bit? It sounds insane. It used to be-

33:10 It sounds like I'm working right now, but I'd like to enjoy it.

33:13 Adam Well, it'd be nice, but you know what? Here's the thing, here's, okay, here's, I got a theory about life.

33:19 Drew We're going to have to go call the call.

33:21 Adam I can't get on hold. Hey, Trista, I can't put you on hold, so don't talk. Oh, all right, so here's the thing. Somewhere in this country, somewhere around the 60s, maybe the early 70s, somebody decided that no one had to do anything they didn't want to do, like it had to feel good, otherwise you didn't have to do it. No one could make you do anything you want to do. And if anyone ever told you to do something you don't want to do it, you can't do it. You can't do it. And it's a horrible message to send. Life is really about just doing a whole bunch of stuff you don't want to do and then little bits and pieces of stuff you really want to do. You know what I mean? You work 50 weeks out of the year and then you take two weeks in Maui. That's basically life. You got to have sex with your husband. You do. And if you don't want to do it, TS. TGIF and TS. And BFF and D. That's what I got to say about that. Now it'd be nice if you could enjoy it and you don't want to feel like the guy's raping you, but I really do believe that sex is a lot like exercise and that there's times you just don't want to do it. You just feel it almost hurts just to sit up and then you start moving and you start sweating and the joints get a little moved and before you know it, you're gone.

34:39 Drew But as horrible activities go, it's amongst the best.

34:41 Adam That's right.

34:42 Drew Right away.

34:42 Adam That's right.

34:43 Drew And secondly, you sort of have a responsibility to one another. It's part of one another's biological needs and you're trying to create a safe environment, a healthy, a mutual, a loving environment, but this is one of those things where you feed each other, you know, you're feeding each other food.

34:58 Adam Yeah, meanwhile he's finishing in her hair.

35:00 That's what I'm talking about.

35:04 Adam I just want to drill some holes in your healthy environment thing.

35:09 All I'm all I'm saying here, you insinuate that's unhealthy. I'm sorry. How dare you?

35:13 Adam Sorry. Yeah. Drew, Drew, healthy heaping of balsam for all his candy stripers.

35:21 Yeah.

35:22 Adam I've decided that balsam is the shampoo equivalent to nougat, you know, what nougat is to candy bars. Balsam is the same. No one knows what it is, but they kind of would like it. It looks good when it's on the label. Nougat. I'll try this one. Oh, it's got some balsam.

35:37 I wouldn't mind balsam in the candy bar.

35:39 Drew Nougat in the shampoo?

35:40 Adam I'd be fine with that, too. Yeah.

35:43 Drew Good.

35:43 Adam Now with balsam.

35:46 Drew Pro with nougat.

35:47 Adam Here's what I'm saying. It's okay. You don't have to feel like you're being raped or it feels horrible. On the other hand, you don't have to do it 12 times a week.

35:57 Drew Right. Right. And we didn't find out with anything up with him if he's bipolar again. He could be an abuse survivor.

36:03 Adam She can adjust her birth control pill.

36:05 Drew Yeah. Just the pill. And then there may be something up with him. His drive may be too high and he needs to deal with that.

36:10 Adam All right. Let me say this. I don't know. Maybe, you know, we got to do something about parking in this godforsaken city. And maybe we got to get like Ralph Nader or Judd McElvain, the troubleshooter or something. But I was, I was, oh, I went and did a voiceover for the Family Guy.

36:27 Drew Oh, what did you do?

36:28 Adam I did like death, but I did like three syllables. But, but it was, I sat there across from Mila Kunis and, and Macaulay Culkin. Those two are apparently an item.

36:38 Drew Yeah.

36:39 Adam And for years, I had no idea.

36:40 Drew They were at the party we were at together.

36:42 Adam Oh, I don't know. I got.

36:43 Drew You sat, you spent the whole evening with them.

36:44 Adam I drank like almost two boxes of wine.

36:50 Drew But how about the, the operation he's got there now?

36:53 Adam Yeah.

36:53 Drew Crazy.

36:54 Adam People playing ping pong and having a good time. But anyway, it's really the Family Guy thing, very, very impressive. But I did the parking thing and I parked in the wrong lot. And they gave me, they gave me the validation on my thing, but it was for the wrong lot. So when I pulled into the thing, the guy was like peeling stickers off and what have you. But anyway, here's what happened. The guy said, what time did you get here? I said, four o'clock. He said, OK, after about 10 minutes of fumbling and trying to figure and peeling things out, it was five oh two and he's like, all right, well, it's every 20 minutes and you're into the next 20 minutes. Like, yeah, but I was here five minutes before you were fumbling. You just killed six minutes. I got into the next pay period because you were you're playing grab ass for the last five minutes. Well, you're in the next pay period. And by the way, the idea that these guys have are vested with no authority at all. It's just, hey, you're into the next pay. There's nothing I can do. That's what Mr. Clark says that, by the way, we dreamt up. And where else does this exist that you just get into the next pay period? And even though you're a minute into the next pay period, you're into the next pay period. And that's another that's another 20 minutes. It's 250 every year. It just feels like a vehicular rape. It really does. Attorneys do that, too. Who decided you could do this, by the way? I mean, I understand if you call a guy out to the house, he drives a van up the hill and he comes in for five minutes, you pay him for an hour, he drove up the hill. But you're in there for one, you know, one hour and two minutes, then you just pay for one hour and two minutes worth of the next hour. It's just everything's and there's no rounding down, by the way. It's not it's not, oh, we're on the happy side of 20 minutes. Now I don't pay you for the extra eight. I've been here. No, you just pay the extra even if we kill the. Who decided this was illegal? It must be illegal. Do you know what I'm saying? What can we do about it? How can we take our parking lot?

38:56 Drew Well, you can vote.

38:58 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

38:59 Drew That'll make all the difference.

39:00 Adam Yeah, Bush and Kerry are going to be right on top of that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Those guys, that's there. They'll be their number one thing. Break it down. You got to get it on. I'll tell you what right now. Oh, and you know what I want it. So here's what I here's what I want everyone to do. I want everyone just to sit there and use up their extra 18 minutes. You know, I want them to go, oh, OK, so what are you saying I owe for the next pair? Yeah, you got to pay. Fine. Here you go. All right. I'm hanging. I'm looking like, oh, I got 17 minutes and 45 seconds.

39:30 I'm using it up.

39:31 Adam I'm burning it right here, Pancho. What do you think about that? Or give me my goddamn two bucks back.

39:36 The guy went into the next pay period.

39:40 Adam I didn't even do it. He was just fumbled for four minutes. That's rape, Drew. Nothing short of rape.

39:46 Drew That's what I was thinking. That is a violent crime and not a sexual crime.

39:50 Adam That's what rape is. It's violence, but you come. But it's violent.

39:55 Drew But it's not a sexual crime.

39:56 Adam But you come at the end. But it's violent. Here's my point. My point is rape or die. That's what Puff Daddy says. That's what I'm doing. Sara, what's happening, baby doll? Are you cool?

40:10 Sara Rue Whatever you say.

40:11 Adam T-G-I-F.

40:12 Hey, quick question before we go to break, Corolla, where's your car parked right now?

40:16 Adam Cars parked in the handicapped zone.

40:20 Drew Why?

40:22 It's just kind of funny that he's in the handicapped zone right now.

40:25 Drew Well, if Culver City PD shows up, it won't be so funny.

40:28 Adam Yeah. We got a lot of handicapped parking over here and there's nobody handicapping works here. So why not?

40:33 Drew It's locked. It's a locked lot.

40:35 It's locked.

40:35 Drew All right.

40:38 Adam Are you cool, Anderson?

40:40 Yeah, I just wanted to know.

40:42 Adam How do you know I park in the handicapped zone?

40:43 Because I cruise over sometimes.

40:45 Check it out.

40:46 Drew What? Through the commercial break?

40:47 Adam Yeah, I zip down there.

40:48 Drew Speaking of which, we are having mega computer problems here.

40:51 Adam Oh, we are?

40:51 Drew We cannot get a cause.

40:52 We're having late to break problems, too.

40:56 Adam I'm fired up tonight. I don't need I don't need your stinking callers. Sara Rue in tonight. Less than perfect, everyone. TGIF and Friday Night Show. And we'll be right back after this.

41:08 Loveline. We'll be right back. Oh yeah. Get it on everybody.

41:22 Adam Get it on.

41:22 Freak out.

41:23 Adam Get it on. Saru here tonight. Yeah.

41:30 Sara Rue Do you want me to call?

41:31 Adam We're having a little.

41:32 Sara Rue Or pretend to call?

41:33 Adam Please.

41:33 Sara Rue Okay. Ready?

41:34 Adam Well, you know what? You know what I'd like out of you, Sara Rue? TGIF, everybody.

41:40 Sara Rue Uh-huh.

41:41 Adam Friday Nights, everybody. 9.30, ABC.

41:43 Sara Rue What would you like out of me?

41:45 Adam I'll tell you what I'd like out of you. Drew is on the horn with the computer nerd right now. So that's him in the background. Drew, why don't you turn your back around?

41:53 What's your... Jesus Christ. He's off now.

41:56 Adam Is Commissioner Gordon over there?

41:57 Turn around.

41:59 Adam Here's what I'd like out of you, Sara Rue.

42:01 Sara Rue Oh, bring it.

42:02 Adam Why don't we take a call from Sara, but let's take a call from like a 15-year-old Sara Rue. You know what I mean? Maybe 16.

42:10 Drew She's going to call us. She's going to call us.

42:13 Adam We don't have callers.

42:14 Sara Rue Right.

42:15 Adam But we got like a 15-year-old Sara Rue.

42:16 Sara Rue It's really me at 15.

42:17 Adam It's you at 15. I mean, the Sara Rue now, you're married, you're successful, everything's working, you know, you're firing on all cylinders.

42:25 Drew She's getting her implicit fuse going. I should check her in through live.

42:27 At 15, you're probably a mess.

42:28 Adam Have you had problems?

42:30 Drew You see her getting ready?

42:33 Do the ring.

42:34 Adam Ring. Hello. Hello.

42:37 Hello.

42:38 Drew Sara, you're 15.

42:39 Adam Hello. Sara, 15, calling from New York.

42:41 Sara Rue Yeah.

42:45 Adam Get over it, baby. What's going on? What's your question?

42:49 Drew Complaints random.

42:51 Sara Rue I was just, well, first I just want to see how much I love you guys. And like I listen to you every. Night.

42:57 Adam Thanks.

42:57 Sara Rue Totally. Totally, totally, totally, totally. Well, I was just wondering, like I kind of have a hard time in school talking to boys because there's this guy that I like, but I don't know what to say to him to get him to notice me.

43:14 Adam What kind of school do you go to?

43:16 Sara Rue I go to like a public performing arts school, but the problem is like either you're.

43:21 Adam Hold on. Like one of those fame schools?

43:23 Sara Rue Yeah, sort of like that, sort of like that. But the problem with my school.

43:27 Adam Was it hard to get in?

43:28 Sara Rue Well, here's the thing, either you're really like want to be an actor or a singer, and then they also call it Last Chance High because they also took in all these guys who are kind of brutal and didn't really have anywhere else to go. So they just threw them in with the artsy kids.

43:43 Drew Is this guy one of those guys?

43:45 Sara Rue Yeah.

43:46 Adam He's a rebel.

43:47 Sara Rue He's a bad boy. So what should I do to get him to...

43:51 Adam You see that movie Fame? Yeah. The black guy who could really dance.

43:55 Sara Rue Yeah. They never dance on tables in my school.

43:57 Drew I more think of them as warriors. I'm thinking she's after one of those guys.

44:00 Adam So you want a bad boy. But you're not one of the Last Chance students. You were a good student.

44:05 Sara Rue I'm a good student. I'm a straight A student.

44:06 Adam And what do you do? Do you sing? You play the cello? The sitar?

44:11 Sara Rue I would like to learn how to play the sitar, but I sing and I act and you know...

44:16 Drew You do Broadway?

44:17 Adam Do something from Annie. Do The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow or something from Fiddler on the Roof. Come on, you ready?

44:28 Drew The sun, the sun, the little girl.

44:30 Adam Do Sunrise Sunset for us, please.

44:32 No, no.

44:34 Sara Rue But how can I get him to notice me? Do we have callers yet? Because I don't feel like...

44:37 Adam No, you're doing good. You know what? Stay in it. You're there. Stay there.

44:43 Sara Rue So give me some advice.

44:45 Drew Well... Do you have any classes with this guy?

44:47 Sara Rue Uh-huh. I have homeroom with him and I have drama with him.

44:51 Drew So you're doing some... Can you get a way to do a production with him, like practice scenes and that sort of thing?

44:55 Sara Rue Oh, I could try that.

44:56 Drew I mean, is he... Is he actually takes... I mean, does he do schoolwork or does he just avoid the whole thing since he's a bad guy?

45:02 Sara Rue He kind of avoids the whole thing, but he's very tall.

45:05 Adam Oh, but you know, again, I'm only basing it on seeing the movie fame a few times, but you guys got to partner up, right?

45:13 Drew For two scenes.

45:13 Adam Smart. Yeah. Yeah.

45:14 Drew So she could go to visit him at his house.

45:17 Adam Where does he live? Is he on the wrong side of the tracks?

45:20 Sara Rue I don't know. He's never invited me over.

45:22 Drew No, no. No idea where he comes from?

45:24 Sara Rue No.

45:25 Drew To take a train in?

45:26 Sara Rue Yeah. Well, everybody takes a train. It's New York. You know what I'm saying?

45:30 Adam All right. Yeah. We say partner up. Go ahead and make the first move, by the way. He can accept that. Yeah.

45:36 Sara Rue It's okay.

45:37 Drew How old is he?

45:38 Sara Rue 15.

45:38 Adam 15?

45:39 Drew Absolutely. The guys are flattered. They love that.

45:42 Adam And guys, guys are frozen at 15. Guys can't move. Oh, they're locked.

45:47 Drew How about the bad guys? Your buddy, Chris was, well, he wasn't a bad guy, but he wasn't so frozen.

45:51 Adam No, but he, he was good looking and had a big schvanz and got laid all the time. Yeah. But, but here's, here's the thing. A guy at 15, no, here's the thing, 95% of 15 year old males are frozen. You go up, you break his eyes.

46:07 Drew That's right.

46:07 Adam He breaks your hymen. It all works out. Yes, Drew?

46:10 Drew Yes. All right. Do you want to send back to test?

46:13 Adam That sounds like a good plan.

46:13 Sara Rue Can I go back to 25? Yay.

46:16 Adam Now let's go back to like 1999. I don't, I'm not ready to make the jump. I'll get the bends. Give me 20. Yeah. That's great. Sara Rue, everyone. Fantastic. Well, what do we need callers for? Unfortunately, Sara's staying for only the first hour because she has a 5 a.m. call time tomorrow.

46:33 Sara Rue I know.

46:33 Adam Yeah. Like Andy Dick's going to be there five.

46:35 Sara Rue I know. It's always a waste of my time to get there on time.

46:38 Drew Is he supposed to be there five?

46:39 Sara Rue No, it's actually I have to be.

46:42 Adam That's me raping Andy Dick.

46:44 Drew That's amazing. He will not be there five.

46:46 Sara Rue No, he won't be there five.

46:46 Adam Well, he will. He will if he's up at four-third. I mean, if he doesn't go to bed by four.

46:52 All right.

46:53 Adam Sara Rue, everyone.

46:53 Sara Rue At this point.

46:55 Adam TGIF on Friday, 930 ABC, Friday nights. God bless you, Sara.

47:00 Sara Rue Thank you guys for having me.

47:03 Adam Come back anytime. Thanks. And we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. We'll be right back after this. Yay, Loveline, everybody. Just sat here and listened to Drew like every 10 seconds. Anderson.

48:03 Drew Anderson.

48:04 Caller It's really hard to hear.

48:05 Drew When the mics are off, guys, I can't hear a thing you're saying. Mics are on. They weren't on though.

48:10 Adam It's probably best overall. Probably best. Big picture. Oh, yeah. Definitely best. All right. Sara Rue has left the studio tonight. We're having a little technical difficulty tonight. Drew, I'm going to need you to be a 13-year-old Sara Rue for this next call. Is that cool?

48:27 Drew That's all right.

48:28 I can do it.

48:29 Adam Can you go there?

48:30 Oh, yeah. All right.

48:34 Adam TGIF, yada, yada, yada. So we're having computer problems. We had computer problems. It's been about five days. The crack staff here at KROC has not seen fit to fix it yet. We did, somebody kicked it. It worked temporarily and now it's down again. And all the tech guys in radio.

48:54 Drew Well, don't worry. They said it's not their problem. It's Westwood One's.

48:58 Adam Is there a breed that is more put upon than the tech guys in radio? You're like, hey, the mic's on fire. Five pagers. Got to drag all those pagers over here. And first they start with the accusatory stuff. What'd you do? What'd you do? Yeah, I made a bowel movement on it. Was that cool? We had a keger in here. What'd you do? You know, I got a crossbow, don't you? What'd you do? I like that. That's the first one. And the second one is it. All right. Come on. Stand aside. Let the master, the master who never fixes anything, never gets laid and it makes no money. Let the master.

49:42 It's like Nick Burns, the computer guy.

49:44 Adam It really is that guy. It really is that guy. Except for, you got to add 80 pounds, remove some hair, plus a ponytail. And you're in. He didn't use enough pagers. Add a few pagers. You got to add some pagers. I like the guys who actually have the holsters for the pager. And they'll have, they'll have like the hip, they'll have the hip one. They'll have the one, the chest one. They'll have, they have the little pager that goes in the sock. You know, like a good FBI undercover guy, guys, deep cover, keep a knife. Keep a knife down there. A little, a little single shot derringer, a pager down there. So then they, then they, then they're angry. Then they, first thing they do is they try the first two things you did.

50:26 Drew Well, then they tell you.

50:27 Adam They get insulting about, did you, did you reboot? Did you turn on?

50:29 Drew No, no. Then they're like, you need to reboot it. And then they're like, right.

50:33 Adam I did that. I did that. And you didn't, you didn't try, you didn't hit control out, delete. Yeah, I did that one. Okay. Okay. Now out of the way. Now they're angry. They can put up on and it's never a good time. Never a good time. All right. So we're going to get this baby fixed.

50:50 Drew It was not their problem.

50:51 Adam Not their problem.

50:52 It doesn't fall in their jurisdiction.

50:54 Drew Yeah, it's Westwood One's problem.

50:55 If the show all originated from one place, we wouldn't have problems like this.

50:58 Drew Yeah.

50:59 Adam Well, if that place wasn't a flaming dump of a studio, we would have been there. But as it turns out, it was five square feet and it was built by a drunken retard who should have his hands cut off.

51:13 Drew Sure. That'd be taking a step back.

51:14 I'm talking about taking a step forward.

51:16 Drew But here we go. Should we move back? Should we move back there? No, that'd be a step back.

51:19 Adam Yeah, we should take a step forward.

51:21 Drew What would that be?

51:22 Adam I don't know. Where is our step forward, Anderson? Where should we go?

51:25 Sara Rue Bring the entire show together over there, perhaps.

51:27 But that's that's all.

51:28 Adam That's fine with me. You want to come over here? Maybe.

51:31 Come on down.

51:32 Smell.

51:36 Yeah, who can miss out? I miss Anderson.

51:38 Adam Boy, do I miss him. I miss him like the like the carbuncle I had when I was 19.

51:43 You called me the other night drunk talking about how much you miss me.

51:45 Don't lie.

51:45 Drew Go to line five.

51:47 Caller Line five?

51:49 Drew Dan, he's 17.

51:50 Adam Yeah, Dan.

51:51 Caller I'm on here.

51:52 Drew Yes, you are. What's up?

51:54 Caller Real quick, before I ask my question, I just wanted to reminisce in the old times when Adam, you talk about like the old funny things they would have on like 70s TV and stuff.

52:05 Adam Yeah.

52:06 Sara Rue Yeah.

52:06 Adam And how those were the days.

52:08 Drew Got something for us?

52:09 Adam And, oh, well, hold on a second. Put them on hold. You know what I was thinking about? This isn't 70s TV. This is just something that used to be around that is not around anymore. The giant clam.

52:23 Drew Oh, they were the big, they were the hugest thing.

52:24 Caller Huge clams.

52:26 Drew But people, they'd sell them. Ash trays were giant clams.

52:28 Adam No, but they were once the size of salad bowls. Giant clams were big and in movies, divers would go down and get their foot caught.

52:38 Drew They get eaten by them.

52:39 Adam No, not eaten, held down, trapped by the giant clam.

52:43 Drew The giant clam would always just sit there and open and shut its mouth.

52:46 Adam It would shut the second the divers foot got stuck into it. Yeah, and there are giant clams still, aren't there?

52:52 Drew I guess. We don't see them anymore.

52:54 Adam People, Michelle, you didn't know there were giant clams. Michelle's a lesbian. I think she thinks this is going down a bad road here. I'm talking about an actual giant clam. You know what I'm talking about.

53:05 Drew They were huge. You couldn't care if they were so big.

53:07 Adam Yeah, they were three foot across. It was a trash can. Where are those? I miss them. They're not around anymore.

53:12 Drew They'd be in front of every apartment building.

53:14 Adam They'd be hanging out.

53:15 Drew They'd make fountains out of them.

53:16 Adam What's wrong? People put like a light in them, make a fixture or something out of it.

53:19 Drew They're endangered.

53:20 Adam Are they endangered so we can't harvest them anymore? Smoking, ashing into abalone shells. We used to really use the bounty of nature.

53:29 Drew Yes.

53:29 Adam We really used to. Turtle shells. What's up with that? Hey, find me engineer Michelle. Find a giant clam on there. Find a good picture one.

53:39 Drew I had lots of eyes. Remember the million eyes along it?

53:42 Adam No, I don't remember that.

53:42 Drew That was the big thing.

53:44 Adam Those are scallops. That's not a clam.

53:47 Drew I think the clam had the eyes too.

53:48 Adam And what are the eyes on a clam?

53:53 Drew I think that was sort of one of the cartoon like qualities of the whole thing.

53:57 Adam I'm talking serious giant clams, a bunch of eyes. You're talking mascots. I'm talking about actual sea life. Dan?

54:05 Caller You guys remember how I'm like wild parties on like old TV shows, like the crazy party animal guy would have like a lampshade on his head?

54:13 Adam Yeah.

54:13 Caller I really like that.

54:15 Adam Yeah. Yeah. You're 17. Should I hang up on Dan? No. Go ahead, Dan.

54:19 Caller So yeah, one of my good buddies, he's been doing acid for a while and he gets like vials of it. And like instead of eating or whatever, he like puts it on his junk and he says like it's twice as intense and like-

54:35 Adam Now you can hang up on him.

54:37 Caller No.

54:37 Adam Can you absorb acid, Drew?

54:39 Drew Yes. You can absorb it through any mucosal surface.

54:42 Adam What about putting it on your junk?

54:43 Drew You can put it- he's putting in the urethra basically.

54:45 Adam He's putting it down in the urethra?

54:47 Sara Rue Yeah.

54:47 Adam He's pouring it down?

54:49 Drew You think so? I think so.

54:51 Adam Get Dan back, Anderson. I can't believe he's pouring it down the urethra.

54:57 Drew Probably get a little bit through the skin, I suppose. But yeah.

55:01 Adam What's pouring it down the urethra going to do?

55:03 Drew Well, it's a mucosal surface.

55:04 Adam Are you going to get high? Why not just put it in your mouth?

55:08 Drew Yeah. That's the point.

55:09 Adam What if you put it on your eye?

55:11 Drew Probably, yeah. Drop it in the eye, sure.

55:13 Adam Give me the mucosal surfaces.

55:15 Drew You got your mouth, your anus, your vagina, your eye, your nose, right?

55:20 Adam Eurythra, no ear.

55:22 Drew Not really the ear.

55:24 Adam That's about it, right?

55:25 Drew Anus.

55:26 Adam He said anus. Now you go, I like the anus. That's a joke. Okay. So Drew, you go. I go, what are the mucosal surfaces?

55:35 Drew The nose, the anus, the vagina, the anus.

55:37 Adam You said anus twice. I like the anus. There you go. Anderson, who are we going to go to next here, Drew? Let's talk to a chick.

55:45 Yeah, we got a go. She's 17.

55:49 Adam What's the name?

55:50 Drew Aiko.

55:51 Aiko.

55:52 Adam Aiko.

55:53 Yeah, Aiko.

55:54 Adam How do you spell it? What's up? Named after a whale. What's up?

56:03 Um, well, I have this girlfriend. I've been dating her for a year now, and she seems to be like, I don't know, interested in sex. And so I want to come down on her, but she's never had sex with a woman before. So I don't know if I should come on to her first, or if I should let her go ahead and start.

56:24 Adam I just, I don't know why, Drew, but when I hear EIKO. I think of that bingo song. Drew, where are you, by the way?

56:34 Drew The bingo song?

56:36 Adam Yeah. Like, you know, there was a farmer had a dog and bingo was, yeah, but she's a lesbian. So I was like, there was a lesbo had a girl and EIKO was her name, L-E-S-B-O, L-E-S-B-O, and EIKO was her name.

56:55 Caller Yeah, that's good.

56:57 Adam Thank you. So you have a girlfriend.

57:00 Drew Use that mind for good, will you, please?

57:01 Adam She wants you, you want to go down on her? She doesn't want you to go down on her?

57:09 Well, she's never had sex with a woman before.

57:12 Drew Are you sure this is your girlfriend? Maybe she's just your friend.

57:14 Adam Why does she get to be your girlfriend? You're a lesbian, right?

57:17 Well, I'm her first girlfriend.

57:18 Drew And she knows, she thinks of you as her girlfriend.

57:23 Well, yeah, we kiss and hug and everything. I take her out on dates.

57:28 Adam How old is she?

57:29 She's 16.

57:32 Adam All right. She could be confused. She could be manipulating her.

57:37 Drew I wouldn't force her into anything.

57:40 Adam Is she 16? Is she OK? But how come you haven't taken it further?

57:47 Well, you know, I really, really care about her and I don't want to scare her or anything because this is all new to her.

57:53 Adam Yeah, but you're making out. She's your girlfriend, right? You don't want to slide a hand up the sweater?

58:02 Yeah, of course. But I don't want to scare her.

58:05 Adam Yeah, but here's what I'm saying. When you start making out with somebody and you're interested in them physically, you usually just sort of move forward slowly, cautiously, but move forward, especially when you're really into that person, until they give you some body language or a little something, little subtle something to stop you. The fact that you're just sort of kissing and hugging and going out leads me to believe that you don't think she would be receptive to that.

58:32 Caller I'm pretty much, I don't know, I want to take it slow with her and I want to make sure it's okay with her.

58:39 Adam No, I know, but I think there's a part of you in the back of your mind that thinks she's not lesbian.

58:43 She's not ready for that.

58:45 Adam Not is she not ready for your love, she may not be ready for a woman.

58:49 Caller You think?

58:51 Adam I don't know. Get rid of Aiko. Drew, get Sara Rue back in there.

58:56 Drew Just Aiko, just try to be more open to discuss this with her, find out really what she expects from this relationship.

59:01 Adam She's couching it as I want to take it slow.

59:04 Drew No, it's not that. It's she's afraid to say anything because she's afraid she'll wake up to the fact that this girlfriend isn't her girlfriend.

59:10 Adam Everyone knows what it's like to start kissing someone, you're just not getting it back. Right. You ain't getting it back. That's when the aether rag comes out.

59:21 Drew That's the name of your new book, isn't it?

59:23 Adam Yeah, aether rag.

59:24 Drew Ain't getting it back.

59:25 Adam Ain't getting it back. Boy, that's when you ain't getting it back, you've had nothing worse than kissing an apple. Nothing, nothing back. All right, where are we going, Drew?

59:36 Drew Let's go to line three, Isabel.

59:38 Adam You like my bingo Lesbo song though, right?

59:41 Drew It's beautiful.

59:41 Adam Solid. Where are we going?

59:43 Drew Line three.

59:43 Adam Line three. Isabella or Isabel? You're 18?

59:48 Caller Yes.

59:49 Adam What's up?

59:50 Caller Hi, well, I had a friend with benefits. We just never really had sex or anything.

59:59 Drew Well, hang on.

1:00:00 Adam Do you have oral sex?

1:00:02 Caller Yeah.

1:00:04 Drew All right.

1:00:04 Adam Interesting twist.

1:00:05 Drew Friends with benefits. And?

1:00:10 Caller Hello?

1:00:11 Drew Is your dad there? Somebody walk in?

1:00:14 Caller And well, I'm-

1:00:16 Adam Is your dad around?

1:00:17 Drew Somebody walk in?

1:00:19 Adam You can pretend like you're calling the homework hotline, by the way. You had a real pressing trig problem. Drew, you could probably fake your way through that. I don't think, I think the dad would suss me out immediately, especially with my F and stuff, and my finger blast and stuff.

1:00:34 Drew Yeah, and the TGIF would go as well.

1:00:36 Adam It would seem inappropriate for the homework hotline.

1:00:37 Drew I'll talk to you about the quadratic equations.

1:00:39 Adam Yeah, there you go. What was that? Go ahead, Isabel.

1:00:46 Caller Well, we're in the same band together. He's my lead singer and lead guitarist, and I'm his drummer.

1:00:51 Drew And it was a Friends of Benefits, and?

1:00:54 Caller And I ended up getting attached.

1:00:57 Drew As always happens with, that's not Friends of Benefits. Don't kid yourself.

1:01:01 Adam No, I know. That's how it started, and she rationalized it. And she was attached, but she was always in.

1:01:06 Drew Always into him, yes.

1:01:08 Adam All right.

1:01:09 Caller So now, I'm thinking, should I just ask him for another chance? Because he just cut it off with me. He was like, you know what, you're getting too attached. But it was like such a shock. And I'm like, what do I do now?

1:01:20 Drew Why would that be a shock? He's a Friend of Benefits. That's what he signed up for. And guys don't go from friends to not to lovers. The guy doesn't make that transition typically.

1:01:30 Adam No.

1:01:31 Drew They don't do that. If the guy was in you to begin with, the guy was saying, hey, hey, slow down. It's not the guy that's going to be transitioned into a love relationship.

1:01:43 Adam What's the name of the band, by the way?

1:01:45 Drew Optic Fire.

1:01:46 Adam Optic Fire? That's horrible.

1:01:50 Drew In your name.

1:01:50 Adam You guys must be good. That would be my angle, like this smuckish campaign. Hey, with a name like Optic Fire, you've got to be good. That's how confident we are, everybody. You have yourself a crappy name. That's how good we are. Optic Fire. And what kind of music do you guys play?

1:02:06 Caller We play alternative rock.

1:02:08 Adam Oh, really? All right. And you do original stuff?

1:02:11 Caller Original stuff, yes.

1:02:13 Adam Do you cover anybody?

1:02:14 Caller Days of the New and Incubus.

1:02:17 Adam Oh, okay.

1:02:18 Caller Yeah.

1:02:19 Adam We've had those guys on the show.

1:02:20 Drew Days of the New?

1:02:21 Caller Yeah.

1:02:21 Adam I'm not sure if we had them.

1:02:22 That one I never heard of.

1:02:24 Adam All right. Here's the point. This is not going to work because you are into him. You've always been into him. He's rationalized. He's rationalized. He's rationalized. Here's what ends up happening.

1:02:35 Drew The fact that you had sex with him doesn't mean he has any feelings. That you're rationalizing that he's having this experience. He must be having the same emotional experience you're having. No, he's not. He's not.

1:02:43 Adam Right. And here's what happens. The women are interested in the guy. The guy's not interested in the woman. The woman makes the guy an offer he can't refuse. Which is, how about a BJ twice a week? Oh, alright. The guy, for his part, he's being naive about it too. But it's hard to pass up the BJ. He says, now, you do know the terms and conditions of the lease.

1:03:03 Drew They're just friends.

1:03:04 Adam You're just leasing the sack.

1:03:05 Drew Just friends.

1:03:05 Adam You ain't buying it. And they're like, oh yeah, and then magically three weeks into it, there's feelings, there's tears. It's never gonna work. And you drumming for Optic Fire, well, he's fronting Optic Fire or OF as I call them.

1:03:22 Drew Oh yeah.

1:03:22 Adam Yeah.

1:03:23 Drew Just leave it off. That'd be good.

1:03:24 Adam Yeah. It's not gonna work. You're gonna be angry. Yeah. It's not gonna work. You're gonna be back there drumming and he's gonna be up front strumming and you're gonna be bumming.

1:03:36 Caller And the thing is, I turned into Nipsey Russell at some point.

1:03:42 Adam Yeah, it's gonna be tough. So that's it. He's done. And you know, you know, the only thing that will really rectify this whole situation is if you find another guy.

1:03:50 Drew You said rectify.

1:03:51 Adam I know. That's the only thing.

1:03:58 Drew There will be many others.

1:03:59 Adam All right. If you're really into the band, then you'll be a professional and you'll be a little trooper and you won't pout and you'll show up for band practice and you'll do your job and that'll be it. But if you can't handle it, you got to move on.

1:04:13 Caller But the thing is, also his friends are my really good friends. So what do I do about that?

1:04:18 Adam It's always uncomfortable. It's always sticky. It's never free and clear. There's always mutual friends. You're in the same class. You're in the same school. You're in the same band.

1:04:28 Caller It's been all this time together developing these friendships.

1:04:30 Adam That's it. You have to push through. Everybody on the planet goes through it.

1:04:35 Drew This kind of thing.

1:04:37 Adam All right. All right. Just suck it up. It makes you the person you eventually will become. Yes? It does. You need these experiences.

1:04:46 Drew I was at a conference. It was this sex addiction conference and this guy was giving me a little presentation. He said, you know, how many people have betrayed or been betrayed? And everyone in the room. Everyone. Every single person has either betrayed and or been betrayed. On some level, at some time, at some point in their life, if they're over 25.

1:05:04 Adam I had the same, I had the same same guy, except for he said, Bukakied and you've been Bukakied? I raised both hands.

1:05:12 Drew You've been, you've done it on both sides.

1:05:14 Adam I've been on both sides.

1:05:15 Drew That's disgusting.

1:05:16 Adam Both hands.

1:05:17 Drew That is rude.

1:05:18 Adam Business and and winning.

1:05:21 Drew You need to rectify that.

1:05:22 Adam I'm going to rectify it immediately. Every. Yeah. Well, is there a person who doesn't who hasn't dumped or been dumped or hasn't been screwed over or there's someone else over and it's in the nature of the sort of the hitting and the colliding that young people do. Yeah.

1:05:38 Drew They come together. They break apart. They come together. They're just sort of colliding in space. And somebody that the stars don't align every time they collide.

1:05:45 Caller Yeah.

1:05:45 Adam And oftentimes when you sort of check your book, you think, well, I never dumped anyone or either. And then you start scratching a little and you know, yeah, all right. I guess maybe I have.

1:05:56 Caller Yeah.

1:06:02 Drew We can go to break early.

1:06:04 Adam It's only as we break. We break late every single night.

1:06:08 Drew All right. I just want to go to break.

1:06:10 Adam I usually break like five minutes later.

1:06:12 Drew You want to go to that break clean bathroom. You were thinking about that for that.

1:06:15 Adam I've been storing up some asparagus for you.

1:06:18 Drew Let's go.

1:06:19 Adam Here's what I want you to do. Sparrow is I want you to blow your nose right now. Clean it out. And I want you to cleanse your your palate bronchial palate with just a little bit of mint.

1:06:34 Drew Some sherbert.

1:06:35 Adam You ready?

1:06:35 Drew Let's go.

1:06:36 Adam Because I got some I got some spare ways.

1:06:37 Drew I'm really excited.

1:06:38 Adam I will take a quick break. Right back after this. Drew. What are women most attracted to?

1:06:49 Confident guys.

1:06:50 Adam That's right. You can't buy that confidence. At least you couldn't until now.

1:06:54 Drew What do we got?

1:06:54 Adam You got Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

1:06:56 Drew Oh my God.

1:06:57 Adam Spray that on. It's like slathering on the confidence. Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Cll number 1-800-L-E-E-1-9-1.

1:07:27 Drew It's Dr. Haley on line four. She's been on a hole in my face for 80 minutes.

1:07:31 Adam Gave Drew a nice shot of a spare.

1:07:34 Drew Oh, my God. It was, it was shattering.

1:07:38 Adam And you're a doctor.

1:07:40 Drew I was sort of agitated. I like had to get out.

1:07:43 Adam Drew started screaming inside the bathroom.

1:07:46 Drew And Adam was holding his hand over his head in the universal champion move.

1:07:52 Adam Yes. To the victors go the spoils. Yeah. And you know what? You know what I did too is not only that I eat a whole bunch of asparagus, but I didn't overcook it. I poached it. You know what I mean?

1:08:05 Drew That was sensational. I've never, ever.

1:08:08 Adam And, and, and then, then you know what I did? You know what I did? I did a multi-vite to on top of it, which gave it some power.

1:08:16 Drew A little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little fruit equality, a little, a little blackberry and, and acidity there.

1:08:24 Adam It was assertive without being pushy. It was pushy. It had a little punch. It was a little punch. But the, you know, I feel, I feel like the multi-vite really just sort of was the, was the catalyst that set it off.

1:08:38 Yes.

1:08:38 Adam You know what I'm saying? Right.

1:08:39 A little, made it full, a little full.

1:08:41 Adam And it looked great. It looked great.

1:08:44 Drew I noticed the room. I thought, I thought you'd turn on some more lights or something.

1:08:47 Adam Yeah. It was glowing.

1:08:48 Drew Oh my God.

1:08:48 Adam It was like Caltrans orange in there. Awesome. Yeah. I want to head back in there. I bet it's still in there.

1:08:55 Drew It's still, it's, Michelle, I, I, you should behold this. You should have been there. You should go back and check it out. It's really amazing.

1:09:00 Adam Awesome.

1:09:01 Drew I couldn't stay too long with it though. It was a little too awesome.

1:09:03 Adam It was overwhelming.

1:09:04 Drew Yes.

1:09:04 Adam Who are we talking to?

1:09:06 Drew Haley.

1:09:07 Adam Haley.

1:09:07 Sara Rue Haley.

1:09:07 Drew 14.

1:09:08 Adam Haley, what's up baby doll?

1:09:12 Caller Like two years ago when I was 12, I was molested by my best friend.

1:09:17 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:09:20 Drew How were you molested? Like touching wise or would she actually have sex with you?

1:09:23 Caller I was spending the night at her house and I had fallen asleep. And the next thing I remember was her touching me. And I woke up and she's the same age as me and everything. And it was, it was really pretty, pretty traumatizing.

1:09:39 So, yeah.

1:09:42 Caller So, but now I'm in a relationship with somebody and we've been going out for a month and a half. And I really, really like this guy. I mean, I'm just, I'm really in love with him. And he's really sweet and everything. He's romantic. He's wanting to take everything slow. But the problem is I'm having a really hard time getting close to him.

1:10:02 Adam Well, wait a second, that shouldn't be because of this incident. I mean, it's other things and it can be accumulation of things. And this could be one of the things, but it's not just this.

1:10:16 Drew And it's curious that you would freeze when your friend is sort of touching you like that.

1:10:22 Adam Did you freeze?

1:10:27 Drew But why not just fight her off?

1:10:31 Caller I would move and she kind of thought that I was awake, so she'd stop. But then, you know, she kind of still figured I was still asleep, so she'd try and do it again.

1:10:40 Adam Did she get her hands down your jammies?

1:10:44 Caller Yeah.

1:10:45 Drew Yeah. A simple cut it out would have stopped it.

1:10:47 Adam Yeah.

1:10:47 Drew Why did that?

1:10:48 Caller The problem is that I was in her house with her and her family. And when I very first woke up, the first thing that I realized was, okay, this is what's happening. If I do anything, I don't want to be like, you know, I don't want her to, you know, like, you know, don't say anything or else I'll hurt you or something like that. And so…

1:11:10 Drew Well, that's what we're talking about. That's not a normal thought. That's not a normal thought at all.

1:11:14 Adam You can be freaked out. You can freeze. You can be off your…

1:11:17 Caller You know, and I…

1:11:18 Drew To expect violence out of her means you…

1:11:20 Caller I went into, like, shock right afterwards. I mean, when I…

1:11:23 Adam So, what's up? Something's going on, then.

1:11:26 Drew So, had you been…

1:11:26 Adam Something before that?

1:11:28 Caller No, nothing's ever been… I mean, nothing sexually wrong has ever happened to me.

1:11:33 Drew No, no, no. No one ever hit you or anything growing up?

1:11:36 Caller Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

1:11:37 Drew Where did you learn to expect violence from somebody in a setting of exploitation?

1:11:42 Caller Okay. There's a little bit more to her. It's kind of a little bit… It's a little longer, but when we were friends, she had kind of almost controlled me. I was a new girl. I had just moved there, and she was like the first friend that I started becoming friends with. And, like, I told her a lot of things, and she'd go around, like…

1:12:06 Drew Well, what are those things that are so shaming?

1:12:09 Caller Well, like, I had done stupid things before. Like…

1:12:11 Drew Like what?

1:12:12 Caller Just dumb things, like with… I had done something with other girls before, and, you know, just kind of, like, exploring or whatever. I had kissed another girl before.

1:12:21 Adam Before the age of 12, or at the age of 12.

1:12:24 Caller And… but she'd go around spreading rumors about me.

1:12:27 Adam All right, all right. All right, but hold on. Hold on a second.

1:12:30 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:12:30 Drew There's way more here than you're willing to admit.

1:12:32 Adam There seems like there's more here. Is your family together?

1:12:35 Caller Yes. Oh, yes. My parents are very… they're together. They've been together my entire life. All right. I have three little brothers. Everything's cool.

1:12:42 Drew Your brothers never did anything to you?

1:12:43 Caller Uh-uh. They're younger than me. Everything's fine.

1:12:48 Adam All right.

1:12:49 Caller All right.

1:12:50 Adam Here's the…

1:12:50 Drew At 14, you're not supposed to be automatically able to become intimate with a male. You know what I'm saying? You're saying you're taking it slow. You're finding it difficult. Of course it's difficult.

1:12:59 Adam He produces.

1:13:00 Drew In fact, at 14, you really shouldn't be able to be intimate. Your brain can't really handle that.

1:13:05 Caller I hear about my friends, they've kissed people before, but it just seems I feel so scared around them.

1:13:13 Drew It's good, Hailey. Fine. Go with that. You're protecting yourself appropriately.

1:13:20 Adam You can't kiss the guy?

1:13:21 Caller I could have some sort of guard built up because of what happened.

1:13:24 Drew No.

1:13:25 Adam Here's the thing. You're putting all your eggs in one molestation basket and that's not it. It's an accumulation of events that have happened in your life. We're not going to get to all of them tonight.

1:13:39 Drew Whatever they were, they set you up to have a freeze reaction in the setting of this sort of exploitation.

1:13:45 Adam But if that's the way you insist on thinking, well, this is a different guy. It's a different sex. And why don't you drop it just a little bit?

1:13:54 Drew But at 14, you'll get through it. You'll get through it. Take it slow.

1:13:59 Adam Where are we going, Drew?

1:13:59 Drew How about to Melissa on line three?

1:14:02 Adam Line three, Melissa, who's 15. Melissa? What's up, baby doll?

1:14:13 Caller You're engaged at 15?

1:14:16 Drew You're engaged at 15?

1:14:20 Adam I got to send you out something.

1:14:22 Drew Help. Where are you?

1:14:24 Adam Where are you registered? At the kid's gap?

1:14:28 Drew Oshkosh.

1:14:29 Adam Oshkosh. Oshkosh.

1:14:29 Sara Rue Oshkosh.

1:14:31 Adam Natsaberry Farm. Where are you guys registered? I'll send you out something. Stanfield. You're in Stanfield? And what do you want me to get you? Like a learner's permit or a cover for your moped or something? What do you get at 15? You know, when you get married. Toaster oven seems dangerous.

1:14:50 Drew Yeah. They might burn themselves.

1:14:53 Adam I'll get you like a...

1:14:54 Drew No cooking, no knives.

1:14:55 Adam No cases of pop tarts.

1:14:57 Drew Pop... there you go. That's thinking.

1:15:00 Adam Yeah.

1:15:00 Drew How old is the guy?

1:15:01 Adam Stratego game. What's up? How old is he?

1:15:07 Caller He is four months older than I am.

1:15:08 Drew Oh, please. Are you emancipated minor? Do you live in a foster home or something?

1:15:13 Caller No. Right now, I'm living with my mom, but we like have to wait for until we're 18 because she's not going to let me do anything.

1:15:22 Drew Good.

1:15:23 Adam Yeah.

1:15:24 Drew Thank God you have a parent.

1:15:25 Adam Yeah. I don't know.

1:15:28 Caller I don't know. I don't know.

1:15:31 Drew Shocking.

1:15:31 Adam Does your mom know?

1:15:33 Caller No. They got divorced when I was like five and.

1:15:40 Adam All right. And so what's the question? I don't think you're moving fast enough. I think you probably should have started a family by now. A couple puns in the oven. When I was 15, I'd, well, first of all, I'd kicked heroin for the second time.

1:16:03 Drew And once you passed the zygote phase, you're an old man.

1:16:05 Adam The triplets were born, I think. I think I was 15 when the, I know I had, I know I had Matthew, but I'm not sure if the triplets were born.

1:16:13 Drew You were high the whole time.

1:16:14 Adam I was, I was, I was pretty high. I'd been fired and rehired from the same factory job at least a half dozen times. And I buried my family. They weren't dead. I just decided to bury them.

1:16:27 That's rough.

1:16:28 Drew You're 17.

1:16:29 Adam I said, dad, I've seen enough. And he's like, son, I'm fine. I'm 54. I'm a great guy. Now I've got to bury it. Getting a grave. Yeah. All right, baby doll. Obviously. Look, if here's the question, let's break down. Here's the real question. If you're, if you, if you're aware you're white trash, are you white trash? It's, it's, it's like if a four, if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, does it make any noise? If you, if you know you're stupid, are you still stupid? You know what I'm saying?

1:16:57 Drew It's a different kind.

1:16:58 Adam You're asking all the right questions, Melissa. Here's the, here's the goal. You want to, you know, make believe like you're engaged and make all the other students in your school sick? Fine. They're going to make fun of you. You guys do that thing where you walk down the halls with your hands in each other, other's pockets.

1:17:17 Drew Well, right now.

1:17:18 Adam What's he doing?

1:17:19 Drew The state of Washington?

1:17:21 Caller He's living with his dad.

1:17:24 Drew How long has he been gone?

1:17:27 Caller He's been gone for a little over two months now.

1:17:33 Adam How did you guys, did he buy you a ring?

1:17:37 Caller I'm not going to want him.

1:17:39 Drew Good.

1:17:41 Caller Because he doesn't have very much money to start out with.

1:17:45 Drew As a 15-year-old, he can't afford a wedding ring?

1:17:47 Caller Wow.

1:17:48 Drew What kind of 15-year-old is this?

1:17:50 Adam First off, the rule is three months' salary, which would be $9 for him.

1:17:56 Caller Yeah.

1:17:57 Adam So whatever he makes on his paper, right? All right. Well, look, Anderson, put her on hold. I'm deeming this a non-question.

1:18:05 Drew Yeah. At least she's trying to think her way into something healthy here.

1:18:09 Adam Look, everyone.

1:18:10 Drew Or is that bad news?

1:18:11 Adam Do whatever you want. Just don't get pregnant. Don't get locked in. That's the thing. That's when you sign the contract with the drop of blood. When the kid comes out, make all the mistakes you want, make all the promises you want, do whatever you want. Don't get pregnant. That's when it becomes real. Now, hold on a second, because I want to talk about the giant clams.

1:18:32 Drew Oh, OK.

1:18:33 Adam Because Michelle, engineer Michelle, found the giant clams on the computer and a four foot, five hundred pounds. That's a giant clam.

1:18:45 Drew Here's the deal. How do they get those up out of the water? This is they were so universally available in Southern California anyway.

1:18:52 Caller Yeah.

1:18:54 Drew Who dredged all those things up?

1:18:55 Adam All I can think of is Mexicans. That's all I can. That's the first answer. Whenever someone says who, I think Mexicans.

1:19:03 Drew Well, what's the what's the distribution of the giant clams? Where are they?

1:19:06 Adam Because I think they must be in like Baja or something.

1:19:08 Caller They're saying that it's on the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.

1:19:12 Adam I knew it. Mexicans down under. That's right. Yeah, really. Great Barrier Reef.

1:19:20 Drew Yeah, it's a ship in the United States.

1:19:21 Adam They must be an endangered species or something now, right?

1:19:25 Drew Yeah.

1:19:25 Adam See, we used to first off, the whole world used to be like Japan and that we could just get whatever we wanted whenever we wanted it.

1:19:33 Drew In terms of killing.

1:19:34 Adam Yeah, you want you. Oh, you want to stuffed spider monkey to put on your car antenna? I get you one of those. What you want? You want a big turtle? First off, everything in nature was an ashtray in the 70s. You just you just what are you ashing in? A baboon skull. Oh, that's nice. Oh, that abalone. Oh, the shell of the tortoise shell is nice. That makes a nice. Oh, that's nice. Up on the wall, we've just got stuff and hang it everywhere. All the bearskin rugs and everything. And then someone figured out it was a bad thing. So everyone stops except for the Japanese still do it. But we decided to stop, you know, and, you know, wailing, killing dolphins. We just figured, look, if it's moving and it's not us, it's fair game. It just it's a dolphin. We didn't make a draw great distinctions, by the way, between like a mahi mahi tuna and a dolphin. It just looked at both in the ocean. They both got a dorsal fin. Let's get them. Game on. Kind of miss those times, Joe. Simpler times, simpler times. Simpler times. Simpler times. Oh, well, but here's here's what I was thinking about. I was in Mexico fighting a 50 pound Dorado. Yeah. Beautiful. 50 50 plus. Wow. Majestic, beautiful creature. And I thought about all the all the homos in LA who, you know, they they won't eat chicken, but they'll eat like fish. And they don't eat beef, but, you know, they draw their line and they have that retarded line that only the far left has, which is just convenient, retarded line. That's more based on what their idiot friends think than what what truth would or what they sort of feel at a primitive level. Yeah. Here's the thing.

1:21:16 Drew The chickens are cute.

1:21:17 Adam They will eat swordfish, but they'll not eat chicken. And they'll not eat beef. And when you pull up one of these creatures, they're majestic. Chicken, nothing. Chicken is a roach compared to a swordfish, compared to a big bluefin or yellowfin tuna, compared to one of these Dorados. And just on the just on the whatever scale you use to measure your your nature's majesty, this will kick the ass of, by the way, a cow and especially a chicken. So those of you who don't eat chickens for political reasons, but eat your weight in a swordfish, shark and tuna every every day. There you go, genius. Thank you very much. And by the way, you wonder why people don't listen to you? You wonder why everyone thinks you're an a-hole? Take a look at your policies. Yes, Drew. Random. Let's start eating the giant clam. Awesome. I mean, 400 pounds. And that's that's just a regular that's just an average size giant clam. That's not even a giant giant clam. That's a medium giant clam.

1:22:24 Drew And imagine all the divers they ate to get that big to grab the clothes on the foot of the diver and they can't get out.

1:22:29 Caller Well, they just open their mouth.

1:22:30 Drew Bubbles come out and they close open and close. And one of those times a guy swung by a foot gets caught.

1:22:35 Caller Boom.

1:22:35 Adam All right.

1:22:36 Caller Well, good.

1:22:37 Caller Sticky places have something called giant clam.

1:22:39 You should try that.

1:22:40 Adam Oh, really? Yeah.

1:22:41 Caller But it's not actually giant clam, but they call it giant clam.

1:22:43 Drew And what is it?

1:22:44 It's good. You pretend that it's geoduck or geoduck.

1:22:47 Drew But what is it if it's not giant clam?

1:22:48 Caller It's geoduck clam.

1:22:50 Caller The clams are like rocks.

1:22:53 Drew They eat through rocks.

1:22:54 Adam Yeah.

1:22:54 Caller Crazy clams. They eat like an inch of rock a year, but they taste great.

1:22:58 And I like to pretend that they are giant clams whenever I go to a sushi place.

1:23:01 Adam They're mineral eaters, Drew. I'll take a, I don't know. We'll take a quick break. We'll find out a lot about Anderson and we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:23:14 Sara Rue Yes.

1:23:44 Adam Freak out. Get it on. Freak out. Get it on, everybody. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hey, everybody, Loveline, man. Oh, Jeremy on Line 2 has been on hold for... Yeesh. Yeah, 98 minutes. Let's talk to him. Jeremy? You know what I'm glad A-hole guys don't do anymore? What up? What up? Remember that one? Remember that what up?

1:24:17 Drew There's still a lot of how you're doing in New York.

1:24:19 Adam Yeah, but that what up thing got dropped about five years ago.

1:24:23 Drew Thankfully, you're right.

1:24:23 Adam What's up, dude? Yeah.

1:24:29 Nice.

1:24:29 Adam What up, dude?

1:24:30 I love you, Adam.

1:24:31 Adam Thanks, bro.

1:24:34 I've been dating a girl that actually works for me, but we knew each other for five months before we started dating.

1:24:41 Drew What kind of work?

1:24:44 I own a pizza shop and she's one of my bitches.

1:24:51 Adam What a, oh, calling for Michigan. Known throughout the world for the pizza. Oh, yeah. That's the pizza state, Michigan. Look, here's the thing. Let me explain to you a couple of things, Jeremy. I'm not interested in your relationship problems. I do not want you to sell thick crust pizza. That's not right. Don't sell it. Thin crust.

1:25:10 Drew It's bread.

1:25:11 Adam Yeah, it's sourdough bread with ketchup on it. I want thin crust. Do you understand me?

1:25:17 Does it have to be crispy or?

1:25:20 Drew Regular crust.

1:25:21 Adam No. In bigs, you taco it, you fold it in half, slide it into your mouth. You don't get burnt by the cheese. All right. Would you do me that favor, please?

1:25:30 I will.

1:25:30 Drew So Jeremy, you own the shop. Is the woman, is this girl a girl? Is she underage?

1:25:36 Yeah, she's 17.

1:25:38 Drew So are you looking to go to jail or what are you doing here?

1:25:41 Her dad's great with it.

1:25:44 Adam Her dad's great with it.

1:25:45 Drew Things better not go south. He won't be so great with it.

1:25:50 Adam He's getting the free.

1:25:52 Drew He may own the shop. Potentially sexual harassment.

1:25:55 Adam He's deep in pezones.

1:25:56 Drew And potential rape.

1:25:59 Adam Well, I don't know what statutory laws are in Michigan. Drew's going to look it up.

1:26:06 I think it's 16 or 13.

1:26:09 Adam Well, look, here's the thing, Jeremy. You're 26. Who died and left you that pizza shack?

1:26:16 Caller My uncle helped me out.

1:26:18 Adam Okay, shocking. How did I know that? Right. You should not be dating an employee A number one, but a 17 year old B number two. You're 26. You're a nice 24 year old.

1:26:32 Caller There was a lot of spark though.

1:26:35 Adam There's a lot of spark where?

1:26:36 Drew It is 16.

1:26:38 Adam You're cool. There's not a lot of spark where?

1:26:40 Caller There was a lot of spark between us.

1:26:42 Adam All right. Well, okay. You're having sex, right?

1:26:47 Caller Here and there, yeah.

1:26:48 Adam Here and there?

1:26:49 Drew And it's sexual harassment too.

1:26:50 Adam Here and there means in the kitchen and in the bathroom.

1:26:53 Caller No.

1:26:54 Adam All right. Look, are you serious about her?

1:26:58 Caller Yeah. She's the best person I've ever found in my life.

1:27:03 Adam All right. Hang up on him Anderson. Well, then fine. She's legal. I couldn't figure out what Jeremy was up to. I don't know if it was bogus or he's just an a-hole or... Well, not an intentional a-hole, just one of those dude guys. Right. Would have. So...

1:27:20 Drew That's how you know he shouldn't own the pizza shop on his own merit.

1:27:23 Adam Yeah. Nothing worse than a guy with an entrepreneurial spirit. So here's the thing. It's legal. Her dad's cool with it. Fine. Spiritually, not the world's greatest move. On the other hand, hey, if you're in love and you're treating her right, so be it.

1:27:40 Drew Then she needs to not be your employee anymore. Because with that power imbalance, you're going to get your ass in a sling.

1:27:44 Adam Yeah. She needs to go over to like Papa John's or maybe Little Caesar's. By the way, let me just say this about pizza places and anybody sells a product. You don't make me want your product more when you offer like eight more of your product. Like Little Caesar do that. Good. Get any medium with three toppings for two dollars and get five more mediums with eight toppings. It's like, did they do that with Mercedes? Like I bought a Wonder Mop off the TV years ago. And it's like, hey, act now. We'll throw in another one. Well, and then I'm paying twice as much. It seems like I'd rather pay half as much to do that. First off, how many? What do I need a mop for the car? Right. I like to keep mop in the glove box.

1:28:31 Drew I know you have all those houses, homes, homes.

1:28:34 Adam Yes, I own multiple homes. I just think I'd like to pay $12 for the one pizza, and when you throw in the second one, it makes me question the integrity of the first one. Yes?

1:28:47 Drew Yes.

1:28:48 Adam Here's how pizza should be, kiddies. Let me just explain this first off. It needs to be thin crust.

1:28:53 Drew Of course.

1:28:53 Adam Not that horrible doughy crust. You know who likes thick crust pizza?

1:28:57 Drew Retarded people.

1:28:58 Adam And kids. Kids love that doughy. They just, oh, it's all, it's all starchy and carby and doughy. Thin crust pizza is pizza, everybody. Now, don't argue with me on going to Chicago and get some beautiful deep dish pizza. You're the same a-holes who argue with the cake and the pie, where I go, look, if you're going to order, if you're going to order something, order a pie. It's a much safer bet, much better than cake. Well, if you go down to Fairfax and you go to, there's a Benes Bakery call over there and for $172 in your right toe, they have a German chocolate. OK, yeah, OK, that cake's good.

1:29:36 Caller You're not getting that cake.

1:29:38 Adam So shut up.

1:29:39 Drew You're getting a sheet cake.

1:29:40 Adam Yeah, no sheet. If you're going to go and talk about Chicago deep dish pizza, fine. That's great pizza. I've had it. It's a good time. That ain't what that's not what's showing up. Right. What's showing up is the in between the deep dish and the thin, the sort of medium to thick. It's about five eighths of an inch thick, maybe three quarters and it sucks. Get the thin crust. Let's talk toppings now, Drew. What do you like on there?

1:30:05 Drew Mushrooms.

1:30:06 Adam Mushroom.

1:30:06 Drew Pepperoni.

1:30:08 Adam Pepperoni. Interesting. Interesting. Let me say this about pepperoni. And I'm turning the corner a little bit. And I want people to know I'm fair minded. I'm not one of these guys who clings like a pit bull to one of my points. I claimed a few years back that people order too much pepperoni. My theory.

1:30:28 Drew They're better topics.

1:30:30 Adam Yes. Here's my theory. I have a lot of argument from the Kimmel staff, by the way. These are guys who enjoy arguing, by the way.

1:30:37 Drew Evidently.

1:30:38 Adam These are like 35 year old guys who just love to argue about everything. Mostly. Here's the thing. I say that people throw parties like, oh, I'm having a bunch of guys over going to play some cards.

1:30:49 Drew Cheese and pepperoni.

1:30:50 Adam I'm going five cheese and five pepperoni. And I'm always like, well, why don't you get a mushroom? Get a pepperoni.

1:30:55 Drew Yeah.

1:30:56 Adam Get two pepperoni. But then get a mushroom, get a black olive, spread it around a little bit.

1:31:01 Drew Olives good together.

1:31:02 Adam Mushroom, olives good together. Get. Oh, I'm killing it. Shows over, by the way.

1:31:07 Drew We got two minutes on pizza here.

1:31:09 Adam Relax. It's over. I got at least 10 minutes of pizza time.

1:31:12 Drew I like John on five, though. He's good.

1:31:13 Adam The other screw, John. Here's the other thing. Knowing it's a nice one. Sausage and onion.

1:31:19 Drew Yeah, that's a little rough on the rough on the ass.

1:31:22 Adam All I'm saying is, is that all I'm saying is, is don't go five pepperoni, five, nothing against the pepperoni. Actually, OK, that I take a lot of service for enjoying that every once in a while. That's not not a purest really, but a good pizza.

1:31:36 Drew You get a hankering for that mushroom and that's got to have.

1:31:40 Adam So you're with me. Pepperoni good, but you don't need five over way over done. I believe that this country eats like each each person eats 70 pounds of extra pepperoni that they didn't really want every year. No, no, every year. You look at you got your choice. See, you got your choice between the cheese and the pepperoni. And you're like, that'd be nice that an olive to see the pepperoni. Yeah. Right.

1:32:05 Drew You're right.

1:32:05 Adam When it got on you. Here's the question.

1:32:07 Drew We got our pizza now. Here's the question.

1:32:09 Adam Here's the question. Would you order a pepperoni if you're just having a pizza sent to your house? Just for you?

1:32:15 Drew For me?

1:32:16 Adam Just for you?

1:32:17 Drew Not if I give it a thought. You might reflexively order it. But if I thought for a second, wait a minute.

1:32:23 Adam What do you want? You're ordering a pizza. That's right. Good man.

1:32:26 Caller Good man.

1:32:27 Adam Good man. Good boy.

1:32:29 Drew But I'm so used to buying cheese and pepperoni.

1:32:31 Adam We do for your kids. Don't get them going on that. And by the way, we're not kids.

1:32:35 Drew Yeah, you're right.

1:32:36 Adam We're adults with evolved tastes. We want pineapple on our pizza and Canadian bacon and cheese injected into the crust. That's what I like to say. We take crust. We've now put cheese on top of the pizza, in the pizza, in the back crust. We're now actually going to inject it into you rectally. We're actually this is called the rectal bomb. You sit on this and you actually ingest cheese rectally while you shove cheese in your face. All right, let's see.

1:33:03 Caller He's Bob.

1:33:04 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:33:08 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:13 Adam One call is all you need to make.

1:33:15 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

1:33:20 Caller 1-800-CALL-UP-LINE.

1:33:34 Caller Yeah, well, that's it.

1:33:36 Adam That's the show, everybody. That's the week. I want to thank Sara Rue coming in. She's part of the Friday Night ABC TGIFFFNF lineup. God bless her, 930. I'm going to be hosting Best Am Sports Show tomorrow. Check that out. Good times over there. I want to thank engineer Michelle for doing a fantastic job, actually audibly laughing at things I said during the week. Took a little. Unacceptable.

1:34:08 Drew That's why we're reacting.

1:34:09 Adam Amazing. I know. It's incredible. And usually I just look at engineer Chris's. His eyes are going around like pinwheels over there and he's looking behind him. When I look at him, he looks behind him like there's someone standing behind him. I want to thank producer Ann for doing a spectacular job all week. And of course, Junior. No, only only six. Oh, she's she's she's up from 128 juniors to six. She's doing such a wonderful job. Junior, Lauren, phone screener, phone screener. Who's the phone screener? Brian, Brian. Oh, Brian and Ziggy. All right. Hey, Brian, Ziggy. Good job. So until next time. Oh, engineer Anderson forgot about my loved one Anderson. This is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. What are the mucosal surfaces?

1:35:00 Drew The nose, the anus, the vagina, the anus.

1:35:02 Adam You said anus twice.

1:35:04 Drew I like the anus.

1:35:05 Adam There you go.

1:35:11 Caller The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, October 14, 2004