Episode 1000649451173

9:14 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.

9:39 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Oh, yeah. Get it on, everybody. We're going to get it on.

9:51 Drew And it's filled with glee because he got the finger.

9:54 Adam I got the finger from engineer Chris. One of the reasons I got into radio was to get the finger.

10:01 Drew That moment.

10:01 Adam You're on.

10:02 Drew Just to live that moment night after night.

10:04 Adam You know, whenever you watch a movie and they're in the radio, first off, they don't wear headphones, or as we call them, cans. That's the one thing they never do.

10:11 Drew Oh, is that right?

10:12 Adam Second thing, they always show the VU meters going back and forth.

10:15 Drew No doubt these guys will take a picture of that, too.

10:17 Adam Pow!

10:18 Drew With the cameras in the studio, they'll always have to take pictures of that.

10:21 Adam Oh, yeah. We got some cameras in the studio for celebrity hobbies. Drew's a celebrity?

10:28 Drew Hobby.

10:28 Adam Well, first off, opera not a hobby, you not a celebrity. I don't think it works on any level. You know, it's funny. I've watched celebrity hobby before. What is it on? DIY? I watch all those channels. I love all those do-it-yourself things and Home and Garden and all that crap. But I have seen celebrity hobby and basically, and Drew, I know you haven't, here's what it breaks down. It's either celebrities you've never heard of or ones you have heard of that are just pimping their stuff. Like Sammy Hagar's hobby is cooking with Sammy Hagar tequila. Habo wabo tequila. By the way, your hobby, cooking with tequila, and by the way, how big an alcoholic do you have to be to actually make scrambled eggs with tequila? You just can't take a shot, you've got to dump it in everything you're actually making.

11:18 Drew It's a great precedent. It's nice to promote that. It's good.

11:22 Adam Yeah. So I don't know, Drew, what are you doing?

11:24 Drew This is a musical thing. I think I'm on with Teller, who plays the cello or something.

11:28 Adam Wow, I've heard of him. That's shocking. You know, I'll tell you one one day. So usually the usually on the celebrity hobby things, it's like she was the neighbor's son from the Parkers. Now she makes mobiles. It's like, I don't know. I don't know what she's making. I don't know who she is. I've never seen this person before in my life. And let me tell you something. I'm not I'm not just being a snob. I've wide peripheral vision for celebrities. They have celebrities that I've never heard of or never seen. But I was watching. I was watching one day and and they said, And now next on Celebrity Hobbies. And I turn to my wife and I said, Yeah, this is going to be good. I guarantee you've never seen this person before in your life. The person was Chris Darga, who stays in step with them because no, you don't know who Chris Darga is and nobody else does either. He's a good friend of mine who I worked with for many years and had a construction business with and stuff. It was just ironic that I made the proclamation that hold still, honey, believe me, you've never seen this person.

12:36 Drew Technicality.

12:37 Adam He's eaten at our house 300 times.

12:39 Drew Technicality.

12:39 Caller No one else has ever heard of him.

12:40 Adam No one else has ever heard of Chris Darga. He makes giant dinosaur heads now.

12:45 Caller Out of what?

12:45 Drew Paper mache?

12:46 Adam No, it's incredible. He makes them out of fiberglass and epoxy, injected molding and extruding. It's crazy.

12:56 Drew Ornamentation around the home. He had a triceratops head in your entry hall.

13:00 Adam Let me explain. And this has nothing to do with anything, but I used to be a carpenter and I had a little business and it was me and my buddy Chris Darga who was over at the Groundlings. And he's been in Bruce Almighty and the Hudsucker Proxy and Seinfeld. You would recognize the guy in a second. Punch up Chris Darga, Chris. Come on, buddy. Let's go.

13:20 Drew Bring it down.

13:22 Adam Do I have to tell you? You should have been on that. The point is, is at some point, the guy just starts like Richard Dreyfuss. And Drew, you can come in with the movie name at any given time.

13:35 Drew Goodbye, girl.

13:35 Adam No, like Richard Dreyfuss.

13:37 Caller No.

13:39 Drew I know he's in.

13:40 Caller No.

13:42 Adam Encounters of the third.

13:43 Drew Close Encounters.

13:44 Adam Close Encounters. He just gets inspired and starts going nuts and starts building these like molds and stuff and making from scratch like dinosaurs, like first small figurine size ones. Figures possessed or something. Next thing you know, he's got a Tyrannosaurus rex, a T-Rex head that's like eight feet big and he's selling it for like $20,000. It's weird. He just went nuts. He never mentioned a thing about dinosaurs. He never talked about sculpting. He never talked about anything.

14:11 Drew Quite a business.

14:12 Adam What are you going to do?

14:13 Drew Not a great business. Not a great business? $20,000 for a head?

14:16 Adam That he spent six years on. It's like that experimental spacecraft they put up there. It's like they win the $10 million prize. $25 million. There you go, everybody. You're getting 30 cents back on the dollar. Hey, everyone, Drew punched a mic.

14:35 Drew You might miss that.

14:36 Adam No. When you show this, run it in slow motion, like they do in boxing. Let's get a mic punching analyst in there to say, look at Drew. Look at that form. Dips to the left shoulder, then pow, clips it with an uppercut.

14:49 Drew All right.

14:49 Adam You ready to go here, Drew? What are we missing? What's going on?

14:52 Drew Phone number. We got to get it on.

14:54 Adam We're going to get it on. Bonnie Summerville is in here tomorrow night from NYPD Blue. And then Puddle O. Mudd is in here on Wednesday night. And we're going to get calls from Iraq. They're actually going to call in from Iraq and talk to Puddle Mudd, who was just over in Iraq doing a USO show. Are you ready to go? Sam. You're 16? When does this when does this celebrity hobby air, by the way, Drew? Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Watch for that. What's up, Sam?

15:27 Caller I'm like I'm 16. I'm really sexual and everything. And I just I don't know. I don't like any sex except for anal. Is that weird?

15:35 Adam It's bogus. It's bogus. Bogus.

15:39 Caller No, I'm serious.

15:42 Drew I don't get the bogus. I'll go with you. But I don't get it.

15:44 Adam Is that weird? I don't know.

15:46 Drew Anytime is that weird. It's always bad. You're right. Is that weird? It's always bogus.

15:51 Adam Feel bogus, Sam. Not buying it.

15:53 Caller Not feeling it.

15:54 Adam Not feeling it, sister.

15:57 Drew Well, what is the question? Try to reframe.

15:59 Caller Reframe. The question is, OK, is it like, are you not supposed to do that? I mean, could you like hurt yourself or?

16:05 Drew No, you better come up with a better question than that because obviously you could hurt yourself. Well, you don't have to use your imagination too much to realize you could hurt yourself.

16:12 Adam All right. Do you have a boyfriend? No, no, this just random guys. Yeah. Is there a guy in the room with you right now? Put him on the phone. Hand him the phone.

16:27 Drew He's not in the room. He's on the other line.

16:29 Adam Give him the phone. Go get him. Go get him. Go get him. Like I'm talking to my dog. Get him, get him. Go get it, girl. All right. Well, who are you having anal sex with then?

16:42 Caller Just like friends and guys on the football team type deal. I don't know. I just, I didn't know if that was like not normal or if it's like-

16:50 Adam Well, whose, whose suggestion is the anal sex? Is it your idea or is it they just keep going?

16:57 Caller Oh, it's my idea, usually. It's just, I don't know. It just seems more fun and like enjoyable.

17:03 Adam Hold on a second, same as like- Okay. She has a little serial killer in her. She not this. All right.

17:12 Drew Well, that could be the bogus. It could be.

17:14 Adam The part I'm not feeling her because.

17:16 Drew That's why you get serial killers.

17:17 Adam She's a sort of, I like anal sex and who, oh, whoever, you have a boyfriend? No, not really. It's just got guys on the football team or friends or whoever.

17:25 Drew But even people who behave like that know they're doing things that aren't normal. They know that.

17:32 Adam And the question is.

17:33 Drew Am I normal?

17:34 Adam Am I normal? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you are. Every 16 year old in America is taking up the poop shit. Absolutely.

17:42 Drew With every guy they come in contact with. Sure.

17:44 Adam The football team. Well, other parts, sometimes it's lacrosse teams, you know, if you're going to like a prep school or something like that. Depends on the part of the country you're in. In the New England area, it might be a lacrosse team. Sure. Sam. Where are your parents?

18:00 Caller My parents, my mom's dead and my dad's sleeping.

18:03 Drew What happened to mom?

18:05 Caller What?

18:05 Drew What happened to your mom?

18:07 Caller She was killed in a drive-by in Chicago.

18:09 Adam What? So somebody just shot her? Was she was her car or something?

18:13 Caller She was involved with some people in a gang and she got shot.

18:16 Drew She was involved with a gang? And how about your dad?

18:21 Caller No, my dad is just completely like normal.

18:25 Drew Were they married?

18:26 Adam They ran a preschool.

18:27 Caller They were normal. They were married and then they had gotten divorced and they were living together.

18:32 Drew And she got going with a gang?

18:34 Caller Yeah.

18:35 Adam How did you get caught up in a gang as a mom of 30?

18:38 Caller Well, it was through my brother, but she got caught up in it and she started dating one of the guys that my brother hangs out with.

18:46 Drew All right.

18:47 Adam Now we've got to talk.

18:48 Drew Now it fits together.

18:49 Adam All right, coming together. Coming into focus. Bizarre family.

18:54 Drew Well, bizarre behaviors now. Here we go.

18:56 Adam Sam. You were getting caught up in an anal gang. Do you hear me? Have you ever run with that crowd?

19:04 No.

19:04 Adam You know what color their bandana is?

19:06 No.

19:07 Drew I bet I know.

19:08 Adam Think about it. Of course, you know what color the anal gang bandana is? You know what the colors are?

19:13 No.

19:13 Adam No. Well, it wouldn't be yellow. That's a different gang. Different gang. Sam? Yeah. Okay. So, stop.

19:25 Drew Yes.

19:25 Adam I don't think it's a good thing.

19:26 Drew All this acting out sexually, the need for super higher levels of arousal. That's all a function of the horrible upbringing or the horrible situation in your family when you're growing up. It's a mess. A mess. I'm sure you saw a lot of sort of over stimulating, sort of shattering kinds of things, right? Well, I don't know. Did you see a lot of aggressive violence?

19:49 Adam Listen, who cares? Sam, you're going to need some therapy, baby doll. I'm sorry to say it. It's not your fault, but eventually it's your lot. You know what I mean? I mean, let's talk about this for a second, Drew. You know, people shrug it off, like where we go, look, for what you've been through, for what you've seen, for you've been victimized, your parents, whatever, your family, you're going to need some help. You're going to need some work on this. And people shrug it off, sort of like, come on. And the shrug is sort of half, I don't need to do it in half. That's not my problem. My parents are crazy. Unfortunately, it is the hand you were dealt. And it's really, it's like shrugging off a bad hand and you're just going to insist on staying in the game. No, no, no, no, no. You're going to have to fold. You will have to fold. You have to do something.

20:37 Drew And yet again, once again, whenever it pertains to the central nervous system, i.e. the brain, people have a way of sort of dismissing it as like, well, that's nonsense. On the other hand, if she had two disordered limbs, she couldn't walk on her legs.

20:51 Caller Right.

20:51 Drew She'd be like, oh, I'm going to be a champion and I'm going to make sure that I can walk and run again and I'm going to overcome this.

20:57 Adam Right.

20:57 Drew And people applaud that. Yeah.

20:59 Caller Yeah.

20:59 Drew Great.

20:59 Adam Yeah.

21:00 Drew But the same thing is going on with her brain. It's been scrambled.

21:02 Adam You would be better. You would be happier if your child had an anus where your mouth was and a mouth where the anus was.

21:09 Drew Is that a Yiddish curse?

21:12 Adam It really should be. You should have an anus where your mouth is and a mouth where your anus is and have to eat rectally and make number two like your vomit.

21:22 Drew No, no. You're not a good Yiddish. You're right. You should have an anus where your mouth is and a mouth where your anus is and you should have diarrhea.

21:33 Adam Yes, you should. That's what you should have. Yeah, same. Therapy, baby doll. Yeah, somehow. And stop. Stop for a little bit. Get yourself together now. Sorry for your mom and what you've seen, but now you've got to get... She didn't sound stupid.

21:49 Drew She sounded kind of mature, like...

21:53 Adam She sounded like she had been forced to be an adult prematurely through what she'd seen in her experiences.

22:01 Drew You know what would be helpful for her, actually? You don't advise this to women very often, Adam, but a friend. If she has friends to hang out with, that would be helpful to her. People who actually care about her, not participating in all the craziness with her, just spend simple time with her.

22:14 Right.

22:15 Adam Pax.

22:16 Caller Hey.

22:17 Adam Eighteen.

22:18 Caller Yeah, I was just on the Dr. Phil website and I found this link.

22:22 Good Times.

22:23 Caller What's that?

22:24 Drew Good Times.

22:25 Caller Oh yeah. And it has this link to where it says, characteristics of a serial killer, and I was laughing like a madman because first of all, they describe 85% of the male population and second, they describe you, Adam, like almost all of them.

22:42 Adam You might be surprised. Well, not a way to be. What do you got over there, by the way? And most of these things, you know, they do suck you in by having common characteristics and then there's two or three that you're missing, and that's what really defines that population.

22:56 Drew They tend to just, they tend to torture small animals. They tend to smear their feces and play with their poo and stuff.

23:05 Adam Yeah, but I mean, we knocked that off by like 24. 24, 25. 24, 25.

23:12 Drew There is, what else on that list?

23:15 Adam What else?

23:15 Caller They hate their fathers and mothers. They do poorly in school, having trouble holding down jobs, and often work as unskilled laborers.

23:25 Adam Oh, hold on a second.

23:26 Caller I think like a madman.

23:29 Adam Madman. All right, so how many of them are there? There like 12?

23:33 Caller There's 14.

23:35 Adam 14, all right. All right, so, okay, so, okay, I'm not huge fans of my family, I got to say that, and yeah, I did poorly in school, and yeah, a little fecal play now and again.

23:47 Drew All right, keep going.

23:49 Caller They tend to come from markedly unstable families. I think like a madman. Oh, I've got a drop, I'm so.

24:04 Smuggled a lot of weed bags.

24:08 Caller As children, they're abandoned by their fathers and raised by domineering mothers.

24:12 Adam No, no, no, not me. Unless, you know, if you count a mom who locks herself in a room and yells freak out, that is domineering, but I wouldn't.

24:22 Drew No, no way.

24:23 Adam No, because if he wanted to be dominated by my mom, it'd be like, Mom, Mom, you in there?

24:29 Drew Come dominate me.

24:30 Adam You want to come out and dominate, undo the lock on the door, come out, do some dominating. And by the way, why don't you make something to eat? Make some eggs, then dominate, then back in the room for a bond life. OK, there's your schedule. Go ahead, Pax.

24:45 Caller What's that?

24:46 Adam That one's not going to work. That's a no.

24:48 Caller OK, their families have criminal, psychiatric, and alcoholic histories.

24:53 Adam No, no, no, no.

24:56 Drew Alcoholic, huh? Think about your mom's side.

24:58 Adam Yeah, yeah. Anderson got happy with the drops. Go ahead.

25:06 Caller Many serial killers are fascinated with fire starting.

25:11 Adam I like blowing stuff up a lot.

25:13 Drew Your farts.

25:15 Adam I do light a fart now and again.

25:17 Drew Fascinating.

25:18 Caller That's what I was thinking.

25:19 Adam I'll give myself half a check for that one. That's a push. That one's a push.

25:23 Drew I'll call it a fascination.

25:26 Caller They're commonly abused as children, psychologically, physically, and sexually. Often the abuse is by a family member. Psychologically.

25:34 Adam Yeah, but it really really We're stretching now. Yeah.

25:39 Caller And the last one that I can see having any application is from an early age, many are intensely interested in voyeurism, fetishism, and sadomastic pornography.

25:50 Adam Voyeurism. Yeah, the fetish stuff, no. The mass.

25:55 Drew Fetish. That's considered fetishistic.

25:58 Adam Yeah, by pussies.

26:00 Drew By Larry Flint. Remember he sat here and went, oh, you're into the boob fetish.

26:04 Adam You're citing Larry Flint now.

26:06 Drew I thought that was interesting that he was, I never thought about it that way for you, but he has it that way in his publishing archives.

26:15 Adam He needs to go to the filling station to get a boner. You're citing him? How dare you.

26:20 Caller And there's one more. The one for the mad props is they tend to be intelligent with IQs in the bright to normal range.

26:27 Adam Well, I recently took an IQ test and I think I got, what did I get, like an 86? Maybe a 91.

26:36 Thanks Anderson.

26:39 Adam By the way, Anderson, you know in a picture, Anderson must wear one of those quarterback wristbands that they wear in the NFL that have all, you know, rookie quarterbacks where they have all the plays. It's like, heading is list of Corolla's failures. Just a quick cheat sheet.

26:54 Caller There's not a wristband large enough.

26:56 Adam I'm just saying, this is this is just a little cheat sheet, you know. No, I remember 91.

27:02 Drew I remember 91 because it matched the Presidents.

27:04 Adam Okay. Alright, so it matched the Presidents.

27:08 Caller Yeah, they said that George W had a 91. Remember a few years ago that came out?

27:12 Adam No.

27:13 Caller And I thought it was funny that Corolla had the same one.

27:16 Drew But then we took the test randomly and he had like a 104 or something.

27:19 Adam Yeah, I got into three digits.

27:21 Drew I cracked it.

27:22 Adam I cracked three digits. That's when I took the test and just circled answers as fast as I could. Which by the way, which probably means your test needs a little bit of help. Because when I actually study it and take an hour with it, I get a 91. And then when I circle random answers as fast as I can, I do 20% better. Let me get to Pax one more time here. Pax. Yeah. What are the other questions? Forget about the ones that have to do with me, but the other ones on the test.

27:50 Caller More than 60% of serial killers wet the beds beyond the age of 12.

27:54 Adam Uh-oh.

27:55 Drew That is Adam. You didn't know about that, Pax?

27:58 Adam First off, you should have started with that.

28:01 Caller If it didn't say bed and it said ice tray or something.

28:04 Drew No, no, no, no. He has, oh no. Adam has a long history with the bed.

28:08 Adam I don't know if I went past 12.

28:10 Drew You did it in your girlfriend's beds.

28:12 Adam Well, she had it coming.

28:16 Drew That's what your famous story about the...

28:18 Adam No, no, we're talking about bed wetters, not the guy who has the occasional dream he's on the pot and lets loose in the sack.

28:26 Drew Unless you are completely loaded on alcohol.

28:29 Adam No.

28:30 Drew You ain't going to do that after the age of 12 unless you are a bed wetter.

28:33 Adam You're full of crap with this, Drew. And you know what? I have to straighten you out as a doctor every once in a while, which is it is common for guys to occasionally, and I'm saying once a year, maybe once every 18 months, to have a little tinkle in bed, a little screw up. I don't do it anymore, but I will do it and have done it periodically, probably every few years since the time I was 15.

28:57 Drew Well, a little tinkle is different than evacuating a bladder.

29:00 Adam What about number two?

29:02 Drew It's nocturnal.

29:04 Adam Okay, here's what I'm going to say. I, yes, I wetted the bed late in life, but I don't think I made it past 12.

29:12 Caller Yeah, that's about right.

29:14 Adam It's consistently a bed wetter. Keep going. What else is on there?

29:17 Caller High rates of suicide attempts.

29:19 Adam Alright.

29:20 Caller Many serial killers spend time in institutions with children and have a record of early psychiatric problems.

29:27 Adam Mm-hmm.

29:29 Caller Involved in sadistic activity or tormenting small creatures, but I think you said that. Mm-hmm. I think that might be the loss.

29:38 Adam Alright. Well, thanks, Pax. It's enlightening. And yeah, I could probably say yes to nine out of the 14.

29:49 Drew Well, how many do you need to be a runner?

29:52 Adam Mancing at three.

29:55 Drew Pax?

29:55 Caller Yeah.

29:56 Drew How many do you need to be sort of in the running?

29:58 Caller It doesn't say. It just says you may be raising a criminal.

30:03 Adam Well, the whole thing is, on the Dr. Phil special, the kid had like eight. And the guy claims that Dahmer had six or something like that. And by the way, it's easy. It's easy with hindsight to just sort of... But by the way, most kids fall... If you want to make a case for... Most kids will hit an anthill with a magnifying glass or wet their bed or something. And there's a lot of these that can stick.

30:33 Caller So many people fall into most of these.

30:35 Drew But, Max, what happened to that kid that they were talking about on his show? Does he talk about that?

30:40 Caller Oh, I didn't see the show. I just found it online.

30:42 Adam He's on a six-day killing spree.

30:45 Drew Well, it was disastrous what they showed on that show. This kid was profoundly disturbed. The parents were in denial and flipping out simultaneously. And Phil's response was, You need to quit your job and spend more time with this kid. The kid has no problem. It's your relationship that's the problem. The kid's just acting it out.

31:02 Adam You're so jealous of Phil.

31:04 Drew Can you imagine these people are going to lose their insurance resources? This kid will need to be chronically institutionalized. They're going to quit their job.

31:13 Adam I'll tell you. I'll put a contract down on my kid in case he goes haywire. You're a very practical guy. I will treat him like Old Yeller. I will show him Old Yeller. You see what they did to Old Yeller? I'm trying. I'm doing it right now.

31:30 Drew It's going to be a different world for you.

31:33 Adam I'm just saying, if I got a kid that spins out that way, he's going off to Geneva to military school. Shipped right on out. You're gone, daddy gone. And I do believe bad seeds come into this world. Once in a while, you got a good family, you got a brother and sister, everything's fine, you're fine, you never did anything to the kid, you got a bad seed. It happens in nature all the time. And now we have medications, and we have programs, and we have doctors, and we can make a dent in it. But the truly bad seed, mmm, is going to be tough. And that's where we freeze them. And I'm going to tell my kid, look, I'm going to freeze you, until medical technology catches up with you. Or until I get old and don't care.

32:24 Drew Bring it back.

32:25 Adam You're going to be with Ted Williams and Walt Disney. I'll put you right in between them. It'll be awesome. Be like Mount Rushmore, Frozen Heads. Be awesome. And he'll be like, why do you have to cut my head off? Don't ask questions.

32:38 Drew It's the future.

32:40 Adam I'll explain the process to you. Don't tell me about the cryogenics or whatever it's called.

32:45 Drew Do they cut their heads off for that?

32:46 Adam I don't know. It seems like they do. I think they're trying to say freezer space. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Dr. Drew in the hizzy. Bonnie Somerville in here tomorrow night from NYPD Bloom and Puddle of Mud. Calls from Iraq from the soldiers in Iraq. The ground pounders in Iraq, Drew. Coming on Wednesday. There's two soldiers on hold.

33:10 Drew Now?

33:11 Caller Maybe we should put them on like when we come back because I think they got the dates mixed up.

33:15 Adam Really?

33:15 Drew We'll take them.

33:16 Adam What line are they on?

33:17 Drew 7 and 8.

33:18 Adam 7 and 8? Let me just say hi to them. Hold on buddy. Hello?

33:23 Guest Yeah?

33:24 Adam Hello? Are you in Iraq?

33:26 Guest It's the both of us.

33:27 Adam It's both of you. Are both of you in Iraq? Okay, what do you do? What's your name?

33:37 Guest I'm a personal specialist and she's an IMO. IMO? Yeah, what's your information management? Ah, okay.

33:47 Adam Hold on a second. Could you get any more boring than that, by the way? Really? That's like talking to a Kelly girl. I want to talk to someone who's actually taking fire.

33:57 Drew No, come on.

33:58 Adam Alright, hold on a second.

33:59 Drew Hold on.

34:00 Adam Hello? Hello? What's going on? Oh, same people? Hold on a second. Hold on a second.

34:10 Drew They're in Huntington Beach. Pretend to be in Iraq.

34:14 Adam Alright, look, we're going to talk to someone, allegedly, in Iraq. They'd have to be. No, chicks would never know information officer and all that kind of stuff.

34:23 Drew Good point.

34:23 Adam Never know. They can barely know World War II. Hitler, huh?

34:28 Drew They sound like the fourth hero.

34:30 Adam Well, they're young. They could be 18, 19 years old. Oh, yeah. That's the tragedy of war. Alright, we'll take a quick break. When we come back, we'll talk direct after this. On phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-R. That's military talk.

35:06 Drew Let's go talk to the military.

35:08 Adam All right. Now, allegedly, Maria is in Iraq.

35:12 Drew Allegedly.

35:13 Adam And I believe her because she's a-

35:15 Drew ILO.

35:15 Adam She's a chick, and she knew something about war. Maria? Yeah. What part of Iraq are you in?

35:29 Drew Tikrit.

35:30 Adam Did you say Tikrit or Secured? What did you say?

35:34 Guest Do what?

35:35 Adam Are you in Tikrit? Tikrit, oh Tikrit, okay.

35:39 Guest Yeah, Tikrit. A lot of people say it different ways.

35:43 Adam How do the Iraqis pronounce it or don't we care?

35:48 Guest I don't know, I don't talk to them people too much. I don't know how they pronounce it. I don't get along with those people too well, so.

35:55 Adam You're an ambassador, okay? And now what do you do? What time do you get up in the morning?

36:04 Guest Ooh, sometimes 5.45, six o'clock, 6.30.

36:10 Adam And you eat. And how, how, what? We eat, we don't eat. Oh, you don't eat?

36:17 Guest Well, we eat, but it's not until like about 8.30, 8.39.

36:22 Adam So you get up and you, you get up and go to work.

36:25 Guest We do physical training. We do physical training.

36:29 Adam Right. What, what time is it over there right now?

36:33 Guest It's about 8.35 maybe in the morning.

36:37 Adam 8.35 in the morning. So it was about a, we were discussing about 11 hours difference or something like that.

36:42 Guest It's about a nine. Are you on East Coast or West Coast?

36:46 Adam We're on the West Coast. Yeah, so it's 8.35 in the morning over there.

36:51 Drew Where are you from?

36:55 Adam Texas. And it's Tuesday, 8.35 in the morning over there. Correct? Yep. And so what's your assessment? And by the way, do you have a question? Do you have a Loveline question? No, you don't have too much top relationships on here. When do you get to head back to the United States?

37:22 Guest I'm not going back to the States. I head back to Germany in about February, March mainframe, somewhere around there.

37:30 Adam And do you fear for your safety where you're at now?

37:34 Guest Oh, yes. Especially after last night.

37:37 Drew What happened last night?

37:38 Guest Every day.

37:39 Drew Oh, that explosion last night?

37:40 Guest Oh, well, yeah, like right here. So it's pretty bad.

37:45 Adam It was pretty scary. What happened last night?

37:51 Guest Well, it was kind of, they were doing some barric maintenance and hit off a mortar off and it came right by our building about a hundred meters away.

38:09 Adam So you don't feel safe where you are, but are you going outside of the perimeter? Or do you have to go out on patrol or anything?

38:17 Guest We go out the perimeter and stuff, but we don't go out on patrols or anything like that. Actually, this Bob isn't too bad about, you know, it was actually, I'm not going to say it was completely safe, and I'm not saying that it was just, we didn't get as much action as other Bobs did, but lately, ever since we, you know, all this stuff, we've just been, had a lot of things going on, and it's just like, things have been getting worse day by day, and it's just kind of scary, and things are getting really bad here.

38:46 Drew Just to set this up again, this is Maria from Texas, but calling from Iraq, she's a what kind of officer? IMO? Information officer?

38:54 Adam Yeah, what's your...

38:55 Guest I'm a human resources specialist.

38:58 Drew Human resources specialist, which is why she needs to be in the middle of the hostel.

39:01 Adam Yeah, what do you do over there? What do we need you for?

39:03 Guest What do I, what do you need us for?

39:07 Adam Yeah, what do we need, the human resources specialist?

39:10 Guest Oh, we do like promotions, we do, it's just stuff like basically paperwork, dealing with all the soldiers, you know, making sure all their, they're squared away, promotions, ID cards, all that good stuff. Mainly paperwork, so.

39:25 Adam Seems like you can do that from your house. I would argue I could do that from my house in Odessa.

39:33 Guest Maria.

39:34 Adam Oh, I mean, Maria, sorry. Thanks for calling. It was semi enlightening. How hot is it? Is it hot there now? What's the climate like?

39:46 Guest It is pretty, it's pretty damn hot.

39:49 Adam Pretty hot.

39:52 Guest Yeah, winter's coming, so it gets kind of chilly in the morning, but it's still hot during the day.

39:57 Adam Anderson wants to know who you're voting for, that's a good question. Yeah, alright. I guess. Alright, well God bless you, you're doing the Lord's work over there.

40:13 Drew Somebody's work.

40:14 Adam Someone's work over there. Yeah. I, uh, whew.

40:19 Drew Who though?

40:20 Adam Oh man.

40:22 Drew No, not the right. I could feel the tension, you know what I mean?

40:25 Adam It's got a shock beam over there. Oh. Yeah. Kind of, uh.

40:29 Drew But I mean, does it get worse in Tikrit? That's the, for Fallujah and Tikrit, and that's it. That's the bad part of stuff.

40:35 Adam I don't know if it got worse in Tikrit, you know, two years ago. No, the only thing that's worse than Tikrit is Tikrit now. It's first and second in the S category.

40:48 Drew Back to Loveline.

40:49 Adam Back to Loveline.

40:50 Drew We're going to talk to Rebecca, another Iraqi soldier, after a Loveline call.

40:58 Adam All right. Karen.

41:01 Guest Karen? Hello?

41:03 Adam Yes.

41:03 Guest Uh-oh. Hi.

41:04 Adam You're 20. You're 22. What's up?

41:07 Caller I have a problem.

41:08 Guest It's like my fiance, he says he can like go without sex and there's been times when I want to have sex and he doesn't.

41:21 Adam My fiance says he can go without sex and there are times when we want.

41:29 Drew When I don't want to go without.

41:30 Adam There are times when I don't want to go without sex. There are other times when he thinks about sex. Maybe he's just freaked out over you hitting sex that hard three or four underline like six times. If you're reading this, you're reading a transcript of this sex would just be in italics and underline. Karen?

41:58 Adam So, all right. How long have you been with your boyfriend?

42:02 Guest Five months.

42:04 Drew Is he your first boyfriend?

42:09 Guest I do.

42:23 Drew I could hear it the moment she opened her mouth.

42:26 Adam Pressured speech? More? Do you have anything more than the manic depression?

42:31 Guest Uh-uh.

42:33 Drew I mean, you've been in and out of hospitals a lot.

42:36 Guest I have been before, yeah.

42:37 Drew Yeah.

42:38 Adam Wow, Drew picked right up on that. And your boyfriend, now what's he do?

42:45 Guest He's also a telemarketer for a different company than I am.

42:49 Adam Mm-hmm. And are you guys able to make a living?

42:52 Guest Yeah, we are.

42:54 Adam And you don't say sex on the phone when you talk to these people, do you?

43:00 Drew No.

43:00 Adam No.

43:01 Drew Is he on medication, your boyfriend?

43:03 Guest He has never taken a pill in his life. He doesn't like doctors, so if he can go without it, he won't go to a doctor.

43:12 Drew And are you, when you get manic, is that when you want sex more than him?

43:16 Guest It's not most. I have like mood swings, so it's like when I'm in the mood and he's like, honey, I'm just not in the mood. I get pissed that I get up and leave.

43:28 Adam Do you have any children, Karen?

43:30 Guest No.

43:33 Adam Very good. And are you using protection?

43:35 Guest Oh, yes.

43:37 Drew Well, that's good.

43:38 Adam And are you guys living together?

43:41 Drew You are. Well, something.

43:43 Adam And you're living together pretty quickly after meeting each other. You've only been going out for five months, right?

43:51 Drew How'd you guys meet?

43:54 Guest At work.

43:55 Adam Work.

43:56 Guest Yeah.

43:57 Adam So you're both doing the telemarketing thing? Yeah. What's, what are you living in Boise, Idaho, yes? What's rent on a one bedroom or two bedroom apartment over there where you're at?

44:10 Guest We have a studio apartment that's $3.50 a month.

44:13 Adam Oh, wow. In Los Angeles, they would consider that paying you to live there. You paying $3.50 is considered free. Studio. By the way, you're living in Boise. Splurge a little. Yeah, I'm saying, get yourself something with a kitchen.

44:32 Drew Well, Karen, you guys have kind of a complex situation, right? You've got bipolar illness, you're on medication, you've had previous hospitalizations and institutional issues. You become hypersexual perhaps from your bipolar condition. You don't have a borderline personality disorder or something like that as well?

44:48 I do have mood swings, though.

44:50 Drew But how about character problems, borderline, anything like that?

44:54 Guest I wouldn't say that. You'd have to ask Cam.

44:56 Drew No, no. The point is that you may have some other things going on besides your bipolar condition that make it very difficult for you to sort of be in a relationship and have intimacy and not be sort of consumed with chaos in a relationship. He either may be freaked out about that or maybe he's got other problems you don't know about yet. Whatever it is, you're a complex couple and his sort of having a lower sex drive than you is probably just a little tiny piece of the story here.

45:20 Adam Complex is a nice kind of word.

45:24 Drew What's that?

45:24 Adam All right, so Karen, you realize that you have some issues. He has some issues. Do you love the guy?

45:30 Guest I would do anything for him.

45:33 Adam Well, why don't you not chew his head off if he doesn't want to have sex? And just to see if you guys can get along.

45:42 Drew Just kind of read, just compromise.

45:44 Adam Yeah.

45:45 Drew You'll love it. The more you guys can freak out a little bit when you come at them too aggressively about sex.

45:48 Right.

45:50 Adam Living in a studio in Boise, Idaho.

45:52 Drew I didn't know the head studio was in Boise.

45:54 Adam I thought, like, I fantasize, like, you renting in Boise, smallest we have is a nine bedroom.

46:02 Smallest.

46:03 Adam It's a four-bedroom. It's nine bedrooms, it's got 11 bathrooms, and it's 3,700 square feet. That's the smallest.

46:12 Drew Well, maybe that's what you call a studio.

46:15 Adam Maybe it is. All right. Well, good times, everybody. Our Iraqi connection has dropped off, so we'll pick that up again on Wednesday when Puddle of Mud is in here because they did a little USO action. We'll take ourselves a little break, and when we come back, a tantalizing Germany or Florida – hold on, Drew, don't go anywhere yet. Jordan?

46:39 Oh, hey.

46:40 Adam You're 16?

46:41 Caller Yeah, I'm 16.

46:44 Adam What is – you have a Germany or Florida for us?

46:46 Caller Oh, yeah.

46:47 Adam Go ahead.

46:48 Caller All right. This is – I'm not quite sure how long ago – it's about two or three months ago. This guy calls in to his local radio station, requests his favorite song. He then calls back about an hour later, still hasn't heard it, asks DJ why he has not heard it. DJ tells him not the kind of song he wants to play right then, then hangs up on the guy. The guy calls back a total of 17 times, still can't get a song played, calls in an 18th time, tells him if he doesn't play, he's going to blow the place up, waits about 15 minutes, then walks down to the station with a handgun, and then was apprehended by police, and that's pretty much what happened.

47:23 Adam Alright, hold on a second. We'll decide whether that was Germany, Drew I know you've probably already made a decision, don't do it.

47:32 Drew Or Florida?

47:32 Adam Don't share it.

47:33 Drew Or Culver City.

47:35 Adam After this.

47:38 Caller 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1.

47:45 Loveline is brought to you by Sprint PCS with ReadyLink.

47:48 Caller Let's you link up with your friends fast, walkie-talkie style.

48:03 Adam Yeah, everybody, Loveline. Get it on. Whoo, get it on.

48:09 Drew Renegade.

48:10 Adam Yeah. What's that? Hey, that's Drew, everybody. He doesn't know. I'm Adam. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. All right, when we left off, we're speaking to Jordan. Jordan 16. Jordan has a Germany or Florida for us. Jordan said that a guy called in a radio station kept making a request for a song. The guy would not adhere to his request and then said he was heading over there to shoot the place up and a cop said.

48:39 Drew Blow it up.

48:39 Adam And they said, blow it up, but they caught him heading over there with a gun. Now, he said blow it up, but they caught him with a gun.

48:44 Drew Now, here's the way this goes. First of all, making threats to a radio station is a pretty American thing to do.

48:51 Adam I'd say so.

48:54 Drew The hacking around, walking around with a gun, American, people calling 911 for the police for all kinds of things, American. Radio discharge, you pick up the phone, impossible. Yeah. Not in this country.

49:06 Adam Could have been a small market.

49:08 Drew And, no small Florida market. Taking requests.

49:14 Adam I'm going with Florida on this one.

49:16 Drew I'll go with you.

49:17 Adam Jordan.

49:18 Caller Yeah.

49:19 Adam We're going Florida.

49:20 Caller Bingo.

49:22 Adam Yeah, thank you, buddy. All right, Drew, we're unstoppable.

49:26 Drew Unstoppable.

49:26 Adam We are a Germany or Florida juggernaut.

49:28 Drew A machine. We've got 20. 20.

49:32 Adam A juggernaut sounds like some sort of great.

49:34 Drew Who's keeping score?

49:35 Adam No one's keeping score. God keeps score, Drew. That's who keeps score. Look, we really, I really mean we've screwed up one in the last 15 or 16. All right, Gina. 21. What's up, Babydoll?

49:57 Caller I've known this guy for three years. He's normally like a pretty nice guy.

50:03 Adam Florida.

50:04 Caller And he got dumped, so my friend set me up with him, like, hey, just go out with him. So I did. And everything was going fine. And then we kind of fooled around and then.

50:17 Adam Mm-hmm. Yeah.

50:18 Caller Thanks for yelling at me.

50:20 Adam Not sorry.

50:20 Caller And then like.

50:21 Adam Let's see if that's a late night cake. Go ahead. So you fooled around with him.

50:25 Caller And then two days later, he dumped me.

50:27 Drew Mm-hmm.

50:28 Caller And then, blah, blah, blah, he goes out with this another girl and he ends up fooling around with her and apparently everybody's supposed to know about it except for me because.

50:39 Drew Mm-hmm. Well, look. Supposed to about this another girl?

50:42 Adam You had a couple of dates with him and you fooled around and he dumped you. All right.

50:46 Drew I don't understand what the other girl has to do with it.

50:48 Adam Well, it doesn't matter. Get over it. You chalk it up to experience. Move forward.

50:51 Caller He keeps like hitting on me still and making comments.

50:56 Adam Well, do not fall for it again.

50:58 Drew He's in a hole. Stay away. Did he actually dump you or did he just start seeing other people?

51:03 Caller He was like, he dumped me.

51:06 Drew He told you.

51:07 Adam Okay.

51:08 Caller Yeah.

51:08 Drew That's it.

51:09 Adam That's all right.

51:10 Drew He's a colossal a-hole. He wants to see if he can have sex with you even though you're not having a relationship.

51:14 Adam Yeah. Find someone who'll treat you right. Didn't have to call him with that.

51:23 Drew Have a good time.

51:25 Adam That's not a question really. Guys will do what they can do.

51:30 Drew But women are confused by that. He seems to like me.

51:34 Adam Yeah.

51:34 Drew He's attracted to me.

51:35 Adam Why would he have sex with me? He didn't like me.

51:37 Drew Oh, ladies, please. Oh my God.

51:41 Adam Drew is a man of passion and a man of supreme passion who spread that passion like so much margarine on anyone who came into his passion crosshair. Anyone who crossed his passion path got creamed with his passion. A rich, frothy, spreadable tub of passion. That was Drew. And even Drew, Drew is a conscientious man. I mean, Conscientious passion. He's passionate first, conscientious second. Yes? Yes. And you know, Drew, you know what a man is capable of.

52:21 Maria?

52:23 Adam Hello? 24?

52:26 Caller This is her husband.

52:29 All right.

52:31 Adam All right. Wow, it's got that compressing.

52:34 Drew The restricted.

52:35 Adam What do you call that?

52:36 Drew Constricted affect.

52:37 Adam Constricted affect. Cool, cool, cool. What's going on there? Oh, what's your name?

52:42 Caller My name is Tyler.

52:44 Adam All right, Tyler. What's up, buddy boy?

52:46 Caller Well, she was just wondering when she could start smoking pot or eating brownies. Well, we had a newborn a couple weeks ago. We don't get high all the time, but you're Mormon? For a while, she's breastfeeding and...

53:03 Drew Well, she can't do it while she's breastfeeding.

53:06 Caller Okay, what are she pumps first?

53:08 Drew It'll stay in there for quite some time. No, you cannot. Yeah, a week maybe.

53:13 Adam Really?

53:13 Drew Do not do it while she's breastfeeding.

53:15 Adam More so in the breast because of the fatty tissue?

53:17 Drew Exactly.

53:18 Adam You have more...

53:19 Drew Concentrates in the fat.

53:20 Adam More pot in your breast than in your forehead, right?

53:23 Drew Well, probably.

53:24 Adam Thank you. I'm a genius. I mean, what the hell's his name?

53:29 Drew Tyler.

53:30 Adam Tyler, yeah. Tyler, what do you do for a living?

53:35 Caller I'm a grad student and a preschool teacher.

53:40 Adam Your voice sounds strange and affected.

53:43 Caller Does it?

53:44 Adam Any explanation for that? Maybe just nervous or something?

53:47 Caller Yeah, a little nervous and a little taken back. I wasn't, I was expecting to wake up and give her the phone, but.

53:54 Adam All right, so you're a smart guy. She's a smart girl. What does she do besides being a mom?

54:00 Caller She's a phlebotomist and she goes to school.

54:03 Adam Hmm, what's a phlebotomist, dude?

54:05 Drew Draws blood. She's gonna have a problem if she gets caught at the hospital. She should really, I mean, pot'll stay in her system for at least three days. This is gonna be a problem for her. Is she, and by the way, if you're a smoking pot enough that you're endangering your child, endangering your job, that's not a casual user.

54:22 Adam Phlebotomist is someone who operates a flow bee?

54:24 Drew Phlebotomist.

54:25 Adam Phlebotomist.

54:26 Drew P-H, phlebotomist.

54:28 Adam Phlebotomist, not flow.

54:30 Drew No, flow, P-H-L-E.

54:31 Adam Phlebotomist. And they draw blood. What's the origin of that word?

54:38 Drew I think flea.

54:39 Adam And that's all you do?

54:40 Drew It's inflammation of the vein, so flea must be vein.

54:43 Adam You're not just a nurse? Are you a nurse?

54:46 Drew They're phlebotomy teams and stuff.

54:48 Adam Really? What do they do?

54:49 Drew Ground draw blood. Hospital.

54:53 Adam Why are they drawing blood?

54:54 Drew Because it's just so much blood drawn from a hospital to keep the testing we need. People are having blood drawn every hour sometimes.

55:00 Adam So they're lower than a nurse. Yeah. They don't need a lot of training. But decent gig, right? It's fricking people all day long, those PO'd. Oh, all right. We're gonna take a little break. We'll be right back after this.

55:14 Caller All right, guys, bottom line. Here's the deal. Sick of wasting time with the wrong person. One call is all you need to make.

55:21 Caller Call the Dateline.

55:23 Caller 877-889-DATE.

55:29 Caller Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

55:30 Caller 1-800-LOVE-1-N-1.

55:34 Caller We'll be right back.

55:54 Adam Yeah, oh yeah. Groot digs this song. I do? No, but you're popping your head, though. Hey, Bonnie Summerville in Here Tomorrow Night from NYPD Blue, and then Puddle Mud in Here on Wednesday, Dave DeVarro in Next Week, and it's back to the phones we go. Michelle.

56:21 Caller Yes.

56:22 Adam Twenty-two.

56:23 Caller Yes.

56:24 Adam What's up, baby doll? What can we do you for?

56:27 Caller Well, I just had a question.

56:29 Caller We found out that my husband has hepatitis C. So I just wanted to know if we should have kids or what we should do.

56:38 Drew Well, hold on. Is he a drug user at one time?

56:41 Caller No. He has hemophilia. So he has to give himself shots with factor.

56:47 Drew Are you worried about having kids in terms of vertical transmission to the kids or in terms of his survivability?

56:53 Caller Well, both, basically, because I don't know.

57:00 Drew It can be. There's actually a debate about whether it can be, but I am absolutely convinced that it can be. I've seen a few cases where there's absolutely no other way I can imagine it had been transmitted. It's a retrovirus. It's very much like HIV in terms of how the virus behaves. So it makes sense that it would be sexually transmitted. But it's not an easy one to get. It's a difficult one to get.

57:19 Caller Okay.

57:20 Drew And you either have it or you don't. So you need to be tested, right?

57:22 Caller Yeah.

57:23 Drew And if you don't have it.

57:25 Caller What was that?

57:26 Drew And if you don't have it, the kids aren't going to get it from household contact. So you don't have to worry about it.

57:31 Caller Okay.

57:31 Drew So yeah, it's fine to have kids. Now, he needs to be treated. There's about a 30 percent cure rate or so with certain, it depends on the selection of the kind of virus, that sort of thing, how the virus is behaving. But he definitely should go for cure.

57:43 Adam Haven't you checked to see if you have hep C?

57:47 Caller I haven't yet, because we just recently found out that he does. So I haven't checked yet to see if I do.

57:54 Adam Well, they got to get a phlebotomist to draw low blood, see how it works better.

57:59 Drew Do you, is he going to get treated?

58:03 Caller Yeah, he is. Well, we're still finding out a bunch of information about it, because I mean, he goes to get his blood checked often, since he is a hemophiliac, so because he's a severe hemophiliac, so he gets his blood tested often, and we knew that he might have it, but I guess when he got checked a little while ago, they said that he might have it, but they want to check again, so they just recently checked again and said that he for sure does have it.

58:30 Drew Did they see his liver test becoming abnormal? Is that why they looked around?

58:36 Caller I'm not sure.

58:38 Drew They're not abnormal, they often won't even treat people with hepatitis C, but as soon as the transaminases, so to speak, become active, start elevating, then they use something called pedulated interferon and sometimes rabavirin with that. That's pretty good.

58:49 Adam Yeah.

58:50 Drew You feel like hell for not six months. You feel like you have the flu for six months. Can you imagine that?

58:53 Adam No. I got to tell you, well, I don't know, six months ago when I was vomiting.

59:00 Drew Yeah, six months ago when you were vomiting.

59:02 Adam I was brutalized, horrible.

59:06 Caller Oh, yeah.

59:06 Drew The time you guys called, your wife was going to call the hospital.

59:09 Adam I had like 24-hour fluids. I want to kill myself.

59:13 Drew You actually got sick for a change.

59:15 Caller Yeah.

59:15 Adam It's nice. I was humbled.

59:17 Drew It was a good time. I was humbled.

59:19 Adam Yeah, Drew, hemophiliac.

59:21 Drew Yes.

59:22 Adam You don't clot, like platelet problems or something?

59:26 Drew No, it's not the platelets. It's the factors in the blood that result in a clot formation.

59:30 Adam And do hemophiliac, now everyone seems to think, well, hemophiliac, if he gets cut, he'll just continue to bleed. But why do you need to get all the transfusions and things?

59:39 Drew It's more about bleeding internally and bleeding into joints, things like that.

59:44 Adam You're absorbing your own blood and it needs to be put back into you? I mean, you have an internal blood leak, in other words?

59:54 Drew The blood can damage things. It can bleed into joints and damage hell out of them.

59:58 Adam But why is he getting the-

1:00:01 Drew He's getting the factor. He's getting the factor that his body doesn't manufacture. It's just a concentrate of a factor.

1:00:07 Adam Oh, is that what she said is-

1:00:09 Drew And that comes from pooled sources and it can be-

1:00:14 Adam So he's not getting blood put into him. He's getting-

1:00:16 Drew Well, he may have had episodes of bleeding too.

1:00:18 Adam He's getting into the component.

1:00:20 Drew These days, they have genetically engineered stuff. Michelle? Did he get the Hep C from transfusions or from- Factor. Tainted factor.

1:00:30 Adam All right, factor. Yeah, so it's not like you get a cut on your hand, you never stop bleeding. I mean, that's the popular man.

1:00:39 Drew Some versions of it, but it can be difficult for them to stop bleeding. Yeah, it's not like they just pour out.

1:00:43 Adam Right, all right. All right, because that, you just don't cut yourself, and if you do, put a tourniquet on.

1:00:49 Drew But the more you bleed into your brain and things, there are horrible things gonna happen.

1:00:52 Adam Good times. All right, let's talk to Will, who's 21. Will?

1:00:57 Caller Yeah, hi.

1:00:58 Adam What's going on?

1:01:00 Caller Not too much, I'll see you later. I got some problems here. I've been seeing this girl explicitly for about two weeks. We've been kind of dating on and off for like three or four months now. But the problem is like, we go out on dates and stuff like that, like I pay for everything, and she never offers to pay for anything at all, like movies, tickets, gas, I mean, anything. And I'm-

1:01:26 Drew Oh my God.

1:01:27 Adam This is an outrage. I will demand-

1:01:30 Drew How about his clothing?

1:01:33 Adam Well, I don't say that she should buy him pants, but a shirt would be nice.

1:01:38 Drew Socks, underwear?

1:01:39 Adam Undergarments, sure, sure. You know, maybe a vest.

1:01:42 Drew How about his eyewear? Does he wear glasses or something?

1:01:45 Adam A prescription or gas?

1:01:47 Drew It's hysterical.

1:01:49 Adam Chipping in for gas?

1:01:50 Drew Times have changed. We cannot judge.

1:01:53 Adam We cannot judge. Will? Yeah. Yeah, she should be paying for gas. And not only-

1:01:59 Drew And car maintenance too.

1:02:00 Adam Not only gas, yeah, maintenance. As my mother once explained to me many, many years ago, when I finally did the goddamn math on the mileage, which was I wanted to ride from North Hollywood to Van Nuys, which is about three miles as the crow flies. And she was explaining, oh, did my parents get mileage out of that gas crunch of, you know, 1977 or whenever the hell that oil- The first one, yes. Margo thing, oh, talk about mileage. Forget about it. I mean, it was like all of a sudden, you know, the gas went from-

1:02:33 Drew 32 cents.

1:02:33 Adam No, no, yeah, whatever. It was 50 cents a gallon, it went up to 80 cents a gallon. Oh, forget about it. We had to push the car around now. Yeah, yeah, we got a donkey to pull the car.

1:02:48 Drew Get up tomorrow morning and wait in the gas line.

1:02:49 Adam Yeah, and so as my mother explained to me when I told her, look, Van Nuys, three miles, you drive a VW Squareback, you get 30 miles a gallon there and back. Six miles, that's less than a quarter gallon, which it's about 18 cents. She said, yes, but every time you start the car up, it costs money. And I thought, I gotta kill myself. I have to kill myself. How did I get born into these people?

1:03:18 Drew Oh my, I got a little bit of that too.

1:03:20 Adam All right, Drew got a ton of that.

1:03:21 Drew I remember being about driving across town.

1:03:24 Adam Oh yeah.

1:03:25 Drew Two miles across, across Pasadena. And again, the talk about the maintenance in the car.

1:03:32 Adam I swear to Christ, I get in my car and just drive in circles around the block because I can. My parents had me convinced that getting in the car and rolling to the end of the street was something you had to plan months in advance. You might as well go to the summit of Everest during the winter. That's what it'd be like. And we're talking one small valley city to a neighboring small valley city. If you want to start talking about going over the hill or into a Simi Valley or Santa Monica or something. Oh, it's like you needed permits, checkpoints, visas. Oh, forget it, you had to get shots. Are you kidding?

1:04:09 Caller Jesus Christ.

1:04:11 Adam All right, so the point is, yeah, well, it's not only gas, but it is oil. There's friction. When you start the car up, that's the dangerous time. That's when you got metal on metal bearing friction there. And then again, you know, if you've got, if you have a lease, you're getting a new lease mileage there. And wear and tear on the upholstery, dashboard, carpeting, things like that. And door hinges open and close.

1:04:37 Drew Meals, movies, clothing, she should be paying for all that.

1:04:40 Adam Yeah, well, at least going in halfsies.

1:04:42 Caller Yeah, but anyway, I'm just starting to think like the whole relationship is based on like her living off of me.

1:04:51 Drew Is this the first time you've dated somebody?

1:04:53 Adam Hold on a second. Where do you guys go to eat?

1:04:57 Caller Pretty expensive places. She likes to eat at pretty expensive places.

1:05:01 Drew Such as?

1:05:02 Caller Sushi and restaurants.

1:05:04 Adam That'll set you back. Yeah. And do you get any sex from her?

1:05:10 Guest Yeah, occasionally.

1:05:13 Caller Not real often, but occasionally.

1:05:15 Adam Well, wait a second, wait a second.

1:05:17 Drew What's not real often?

1:05:19 Caller Yeah, once every two weeks.

1:05:22 Adam All right. Are you into her?

1:05:23 Caller Yeah, she's really cool. We have like real similar personalities. But it's-

1:05:29 Adam All right, let me, like, let me. Oh, that's a shame. You better hope she's hot. Here's the thing, Will. Okay, here's what it is. You will and should continue to pay for things. That's, call me old fashioned. That's how it goes.

1:05:43 Drew That's dating. A woman has the option to belly up right now.

1:05:45 Adam You get sex, she gets dynamite in a California roll. And what's that dynamite?

1:05:52 Drew What's that? What is it?

1:05:53 Adam Sushi. You know, that's dynamite log or whatever.

1:05:56 Drew I don't know what that is. I know what California roll is.

1:06:00 Adam Thanks, buddy. She gets that, you get sex, everyone's happy. It sounds to me like you're not sure where she stands though and you might want to ask her, look, are we boyfriend and girlfriend? Are we just dating?

1:06:11 Drew Isn't kind of a little bit of a paranoid thought that she's just using me for money when she's engaged in the traditional cultural behavior of dating.

1:06:19 Adam Dating and having sex, yeah. Will? Yeah. Yeah, how old is she? All right, she doesn't have any money. What do you do?

1:06:29 Caller I've got a couple things going on. I've got a computer business.

1:06:32 Adam All right, all right, you're rolling it, clover. Just take her, pay for her, have sex with her and talk to her, I don't know what's going on. Talk to her. I rarely say that.

1:06:43 Drew I know, it's hard for you.

1:06:45 Adam I could remember going out on dates though and having them cost money and hurting a little bit.

1:06:51 Drew Oh yeah, but you didn't think, you weren't outraged that the woman didn't belly up.

1:06:56 Adam No.

1:06:56 Drew You were just sort of, oh.

1:06:58 Adam Yeah, I remember it stinging a little, especially no sex afterward. That was extra rough. You were passionate, man, you didn't have that.

1:07:06 Drew No, yes I did.

1:07:07 Adam I had a horrible situation in that I hated my job. I hated it and it was like physically, it was almost borderline abusive. Like, you know, just sort of digging and hauling trash and stuff like that, you know.

1:07:21 Drew Guys, here we go. Did we not take ourselves back into that horrible feeling state? This feels awfully familiar. What were we talking about last week? Something that made us feel awful.

1:07:29 Adam I don't know what it was.

1:07:29 Drew Talking about the 70s or something.

1:07:31 Adam I felt, I hated my job and I got paid like seven, eight, nine bucks, whatever, I moved up. But point is, is I would torture myself by converting everything into an hour of work. And when your hour of work is, your hour of work, what I did wasn't, you're at your desk, you're talking on the phone. It's sort of, when you work in an office, things sort of bleed into other things. There's personal bleeds into work. Like what it is is you're typing away, you're doing your thing, and then the phone rings. Hey, it's your wife. You start talking to her for 10 minutes. You work, hey, hey, little business. You pay the phone bill and then they hang up. Then it's back to typing it.

1:08:06 Drew But when you're underneath a house. With its coffee can.

1:08:09 Adam Digging with a coffee can, Drew. It's all, it's all horrible. So everything-

1:08:13 Drew Well, at least it was 96, 97 degrees at the time.

1:08:17 Adam Got some shade down there.

1:08:18 Drew And you had tons of eyewear, protective eye gear, proper clothing.

1:08:23 Adam Great conversation with folks from Guatemala and Salvador and Mexico. And here's the deal. So I would take everything and say, okay, you want to order an appetizer. All right. That Bloomin Onion. 45 minutes, 695. I'm getting 8.50 an hour minus taxes. Okay, that's an hour. It's gonna have, and everything was just, you know, that's two hours. Ooh, glass of wine. Uh-oh. Oh, that was, that's when it broke. Afternoon. Start getting in that wine. That's an afternoon's work. Oh, and just, it was devastating. And then if it wasn't great, oh, so I would just drive home trying to belch up what I ate to save, if I get like 50 cents back on my money. All right, let's talk to David over here, Drew. Yeah. David? 23?

1:09:13 Guest Yep.

1:09:15 Adam What's up?

1:09:19 Caller Well, I'm calling cause I have a problem. I'm a compulsive, I think a compulsive masturbator. And I want to know if you guys knew how to cut that loose.

1:09:32 Adam Well, we'll see if you're compulsive or not. Chris, get on the Dr. Phil website. See if we can find that. You ever wipe yourself with a curtain or drape? That's one. Do you have to put the picture of your mom down on the nightstand so you can focus? That's another. Are you good? You ever pulled off a hat trick without a severe calf cramp? That's-

1:09:58 Drew In 35 minutes, we'll ask.

1:10:00 Adam Yeah, that's another one. Dave, what are you good for? What are you good for a day?

1:10:06 Caller Pulled out four times a day.

1:10:08 Adam Four times a day.

1:10:08 Drew Are you doing anything that costs money or that having consequence, you know what I mean, with the behavior? No. So it's just something you just do, you don't do it publicly, no other-

1:10:20 Caller I have a wife and child, but she's great and everything's perfect. It's just, I just don't get enough, I think. I've been doing this since I was like 13, 14 years old. Yeah.

1:10:31 Drew And you are having a normal relationship with your wife.

1:10:34 Caller Of course.

1:10:35 Drew And are you completely unable to control this behavior?

1:10:38 Caller I just, I feel like I can't. It's just I get this sudden urge and I just do it.

1:10:46 Drew And you're just by yourself, you don't do anything risk-taking with it or anything of that sort? No. It's just a compulsive thing that kinda bothers you, wish you could control, but it's not an addiction and having any consequence from it.

1:10:59 Adam Yeah, but I understand when there are things that you feel like you'd like to control, but you can't, it makes you feel out of control. So why don't you try cutting it down to twice a day? You could do that. I think you could do that.

1:11:12 Drew Is it using internet or something like that or anything that you can kinda control?

1:11:16 Adam Also, I'm gonna check with them in a second.

1:11:19 Drew I'm going to National Council on Sexual Addiction Compulsivity, I'll bring lots of good information back, but I can't think of it.

1:11:23 Adam Fantastic, yeah. Make sure and bring brochures.

1:11:26 Drew Yeah. David.

1:11:28 Adam Yeah. Are you on the internet doing this?

1:11:33 Caller Sometimes.

1:11:34 Drew But it's not as though as any of the other access or any other stimulants that you're using, nothing else going on here?

1:11:40 Caller No, just pictures. And then I keep them basically in my head and I remember them.

1:11:46 Drew And you're not manic depressive, anything of that sort?

1:11:49 Caller No, I don't think so.

1:11:51 Drew It's just this mess. Maybe you just am. It's a little bit excessive.

1:11:56 Adam Well, let me say this too. 24 year old guy, 23 year old guy, he's married, he has a kid, feels a little caged in. This is a way for a guy to assert himself in a bizarre way.

1:12:06 Drew Yeah, to have a little me time?

1:12:08 Adam It's me time. It really is. And we haven't talked about this in a long time, which is guys are sort of domesticated. They're not really, they're born into the wild and they would like to do what we all, the rock star life essentially, but they get domesticated, essentially broken and contained. And then they're forced to sort of do their thing. It's easier for guys 35 to do that than a guy's 22.

1:12:37 Drew Oh yeah.

1:12:38 Adam And I think sometimes, and stop me if I'm wrong, but a lot of couples get married and they don't have a lot of money and they live in confined quarters. So you physically don't have the space. And people don't make enough of this, you know, when they're like, oh, well, you're in love, you're in love. When you're living on top of-

1:12:57 Drew For a male who's used to being physically active, maybe outdoors.

1:13:01 Adam You become like a, you know, a panther in a zoo, just pacing the cage.

1:13:05 Drew And what do the monkeys do when they're containing cages?

1:13:07 Adam Fee, see, party.

1:13:10 Drew Fee, see, throw and masturbating.

1:13:12 Adam And masturbating. Right, so what you do with a guy is you sort of prematurely domesticate him.

1:13:19 Drew No, you're right, absolutely.

1:13:20 Adam And now, now he's living in very confined space with a child, with a woman. And now he wants to sort of claim some of his own life back, even if it's just an imaginary life. He's gonna get on the internet, he's gonna have a little fantasy, he's gonna masturbate, maybe even, true, head butted the mic that time, wow. He's gonna create a little fantasy life for himself. And it's equivalent to the guy who's in prison putting a little picture that he pulled out of the Life Magazine of a Jamaican tropical stream, you know? And it's just a little glimpse of the outside world. Now, when the warden comes in and rips the picture off and throws it away, now you got an angry prisoner. Now someone's gonna put a shiv in someone out in the yard. As a woman, who's a warden, you guys have to realize, especially you got a 22 year old guy, back off, let him beat off. Oh, we'll write that down.

1:14:14 Drew That's gonna be the new slogan.

1:14:15 Adam Give a little room.

1:14:16 Drew Back off so he can beat off.

1:14:17 Adam Give him a little room. Do not put the screws to him. What ends up happening is the guy gets the screws put to him, starts feeling kind of pressured and cornered, even if he's not, then goes outside the house. Then next thing you know, he's at a bachelor party, he's on top of some chicks, somebody rats him out, and the relationship's over.

1:14:36 Drew Don't get so cathartic with it. But yeah.

1:14:39 Adam No.

1:14:41 Drew It may be something, you're absolutely right, and it may be something sort of sociobiological, maybe something that happens to the male human when you put him in a confined situation.

1:14:50 Adam Yeah.

1:14:51 Drew He just starts masturbating more. It's just a behavior that emerges from the biology of containment.

1:14:55 Adam You start.

1:14:56 Drew I know it's an explanation you've given that's good, but it may be something just more matter of fact.

1:15:00 Adam Well, it's like masturbation becomes a metaphor for carving out quality time with your junk. It is like, I could remember living in like little apartments with chicks, like what she get home from work? Okay, I could get one. Well, maybe two. She can be home in eight minutes.

1:15:20 Drew You can argue that it's a way of, some masturbation is sort of an aggressive act too. It's a way of just going, it's just marring for now.

1:15:28 Adam Well, when I did it indoor or a sock drawer, I think that.

1:15:31 Drew How many times?

1:15:32 Adam Retrospect. The socks all came out one piece. It was one, the shape of the drawer. Like a, you know, like frozen peas. I get it.

1:15:42 Drew Yeah, no big block. More like, more like creme of spinach.

1:15:46 Adam Cauliflower, we just put a fork in it. She actually put a fork in it and lifted the whole thing out at once. It was a soxical. Yeah, that was aggressive. That was aggressive. We had to, we had to, we had to soak it and we had to soak it in salt and baking soda and warm water just to break it up. I used a mop handle to break it up. I actually broke the mop handle trying to pry it. I should have soaked it a little longer.

1:16:13 Drew In retrospect, that was from Titanic.

1:16:15 Adam That was aggressive. I think that was aggressive. But other than that, basically just trying to carve a little me time.

1:16:21 Drew You know what I'm saying? Of course.

1:16:24 Adam We will, you know what?

1:16:28 Drew What? I'm afraid. What?

1:16:30 Adam I was thinking about this the other day. For some reason, I don't even know how I had it, but for some reason I had the Playboy channel. I must have had like cable and it must have done some sort of thing where you get the Playboy channel.

1:16:44 Drew In recently or when you're on your own.

1:16:46 Adam This is living in North Hollywood.

1:16:47 Drew Years ago.

1:16:47 Adam In a crappy apartment, yeah. Stripper.

1:16:49 Drew Well, that was sort of the first sort of version of cable. You get the Playboy channel.

1:16:53 Adam You get the Playboy channel. And I had the cable. And I remember sort of looking and saying they were advertising some show that I really wanted to see. And I wanted big top. Yeah, it was big top. I wanted to tape it. I wanted to tape it.

1:17:12 Drew VCR.

1:17:12 Adam But I was so lame that I couldn't figure out how to program the VCR. And I actually, here's what's happened in my life. I spent 20 years trying to figure out how to program the VCR. And then TiVo just came in and I just had, but I never actually learned.

1:17:25 Drew I'm not sure.

1:17:26 Adam Or anyone.

1:17:27 Drew I'm not sure there's a human that actually learned that.

1:17:29 Adam Okay, good. I actually had my buddy, John, come around to break into my apartment. I told him, look, me and the gal pal are gonna be out to dinner Friday. We're gonna leave at eight. The show starts at nine. I need you to come in and physically record this.

1:17:48 Drew Did you choose him because you know he'd be appreciative of this particular topic?

1:17:52 Adam I think he was just in the neighborhood and I knew he wouldn't sing, you know what I'm saying?

1:17:57 Caller Yeah, it wouldn't rat you.

1:17:59 Adam Yeah.

1:17:59 Drew Did he just pull it off?

1:18:01 Adam Still have the tape.

1:18:02 Drew What was it?

1:18:03 Adam It was the Playboy Summer Games from like Daytona Beach, but the big jugs, it's awesome, still have it.

1:18:13 Drew So no sex, just prancing.

1:18:15 Adam Just prancing, oh, oh, please. Playboy didn't have sex back in the day. All Playboy would do is, you know, 15 years ago, would just rerun their stupid Playboy videos and calendar shoots and stuff like that. Playboy, the TV station was Playboy the magazine. It's just the chicks moved. Now it's all hardcore. I don't know. I'd like to harken back to more innocent time.

1:18:43 Drew Yes, yeah.

1:18:45 Adam We'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:18:53 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:18:55 Adam Hey everybody, it's Adam.

1:18:56 Drew And I'm Dr. Drew.

1:18:57 Adam Here to talk about Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

1:18:59 Drew Yes sir.

1:19:00 Adam You spray that on, you give stink the Axe. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew and I just talking about the love of TiVo over nice lukewarm urination section. Yeah, good, good wisdom.

1:19:25 Drew My favorite thing about Adam is you've ever noticed when I walk out, I take the stall in, I'm taking the train. You notice how when I walk out of the stall, you get that shiver thing.

1:19:33 Adam I get the shiver. That's because I hear footsteps. I hear it coming up behind me. I'm like a small whiteout. I'm forced to go over the middle.

1:19:43 Drew What is that?

1:19:44 Adam I feel that strong. I don't feel that strong safety. I get the shiver thing when I take the whiz every once in a while.

1:19:50 Drew But when I walk out, when I walk behind you, it's like, ugh.

1:19:52 Adam Yeah, it's like thinking about, it's like having the hiccups and trying to think about not hiccuping and it just triggers one.

1:19:59 Drew You know what that is? That is years and years of your friends pouncing on you when you're in the middle of a whiz. You know, you're f'd up friends.

1:20:07 Adam Now, what is that?

1:20:08 Drew It's jumping on you.

1:20:09 Adam I think that thing is just.

1:20:10 Drew Pushing you into the train, right?

1:20:12 Adam I think it's to shake the whiz loose.

1:20:15 Drew No, but I mean, I think the reason you get the shudder.

1:20:17 Adam The shudder is to shake the last couple drops out of the urethra. That's my theory. That's why God does that. It's God shaking your dingling. Eva?

1:20:28 Caller Yes.

1:20:29 Adam You're 26?

1:20:30 Caller Uh-huh.

1:20:31 Adam You're dating a 40 year old married boss?

1:20:34 Caller Yes.

1:20:35 Adam He wants anal?

1:20:37 Caller Yes.

1:20:38 Adam Wow. Got a strong sense of entitlement in this cat. Gonna eat my employees and I want anal.

1:20:45 Drew How dare he? The temerity of this man. He is Jajune. Do you think that he can get away with that sort of nonsense?

1:20:55 Adam Jajune is getting... Is he married?

1:21:00 Caller Yes.

1:21:01 Drew What kind of work?

1:21:02 Caller I'm sorry?

1:21:03 Drew What kind of place is this that he's the boss of?

1:21:06 Caller I'm an attorney.

1:21:07 Adam Attorney, did you say?

1:21:08 Caller Yes.

1:21:10 Drew Yeah, and you're an employee?

1:21:12 Caller No, I'm an attorney as well.

1:21:14 Drew You're on the same level?

1:21:16 Caller No, he's my supervisor.

1:21:19 Drew So isn't there a conflict there?

1:21:22 Caller Well, we work in the same place, so now there's no conflict. I mean, I'm not a client, neither is he.

1:21:27 Drew No, but there's an authority issue here. He's an AS.

1:21:30 Caller Oh, yeah, definitely. I'm a subordinate.

1:21:32 Drew Right, and just because you're attorneys, you're bigger than the law? That doesn't apply to you guys? That's an issue.

1:21:39 Caller It is an issue, I agree.

1:21:41 Drew That's a huge issue, and then what about the marriage?

1:21:44 Caller That's an issue.

1:21:46 Drew We have never talked to a woman with dating a married guy where the guy, in spite of him talking how miserable he is, how horrible his wife is, where the guy ever leaves his wife.

1:21:56 Caller Oh, and he's never told me that his wife is in the road, or he's married.

1:21:59 Adam And by the way, look, if your wife lets you hit 26-year-old workmates in the keister or doesn't know about it, you don't have to go anywhere. I mean, Drew, think about it. You'd never have to leave your wife if, you know.

1:22:15 Drew She's on board with it?

1:22:18 Adam Well, forget about being on board. I shouldn't even said that. Just doesn't know. I mean, you're saying you're married, you have a house. Look, let's face it, a lot of guys don't want to get divorced just for the money. Yeah, financially, they don't want to, they love their kids. They love their wife, maybe, whatever. The wife's a little long in the tooth. The romance is gone. You know, the kids are hassling everybody. Yeah, and I don't want to get in that story again. But the point is, is I think they do have this worked out in certain parts of Europe, which is, you get a little something on the side and you get a mistress and you get to stay a little bit, and you go home and you're happy.

1:22:58 Drew We don't have that in this country.

1:22:59 Adam No, we don't, but I would like to work on it.

1:23:02 Drew No, it's not a good thing.

1:23:04 Adam Yeah. No, no. Drew's right.

1:23:06 Drew Avis, what can we do for you? What exactly do you have in mind tonight?

1:23:09 Adam Well, wait a minute. You passed the bar, you're a full-fledged attorney.

1:23:14 Caller Correct.

1:23:15 Adam And only 26, doing well for yourself.

1:23:19 Drew What kind of law do you like to practice?

1:23:21 Caller Criminal defense.

1:23:22 Adam Nice. And so you started having an affair with this guy.

1:23:28 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:23:28 Adam How long has that been going on?

1:23:29 Caller Since July, so just a few months.

1:23:33 Adam And how did he weave the anal into the conversation, into the pillow talk?

1:23:40 Caller Well, it's something that he's told me that he enjoys.

1:23:45 Adam Well, I think just by virtue of being an attorney, you enjoy screwing people in the ass. I mean, I think that comes with the territory. Drew, seriously, I'm not kidding. There's a lot of reaming going on with this guy.

1:23:57 Drew Is he also criminal defense? So it's not so much reaming.

1:24:04 Adam And this feels, we don't trust this guy. I don't like him. He's cheating on his wife. He's an attorney.

1:24:14 Drew He's in an authority position and he's abusing that position.

1:24:18 Adam And as an attorney, by the way, should know better than anybody what the liabilities of the consequences could possibly be.

1:24:25 Drew Right?

1:24:28 Adam I mean, you could probably, you know, bring some sort of sexual harassment lawsuit against him.

1:24:34 Caller Probably.

1:24:36 Adam Yes?

1:24:38 Caller Well, it's been pretty consensual, so.

1:24:40 Adam Yeah, I know, but even so.

1:24:42 Drew When there's an authority imbalance like that, the consensuality doesn't matter so much, does it?

1:24:48 Adam I would imagine it's not a strong case, but there's still a case. And by the way, win, lose, or draw, it could be very ugly for him.

1:24:57 Drew Eve, are you a victim?

1:24:58 Caller I'm sorry?

1:24:59 Drew Are you a victim, childhood victim of some sort?

1:25:02 Caller No.

1:25:02 Drew Nothing?

1:25:03 Caller No, nothing at all.

1:25:04 Drew So how do you perceive this relationship? It's just something that?

1:25:11 Caller I'm absolutely in love with him.

1:25:13 Adam Oh, really?

1:25:16 Caller I never thought I was ever gonna have an affair with a married man. I'm not very experienced. I've only dated one guy in my whole life.

1:25:24 Adam I know, you're a good student.

1:25:25 Drew Yeah, well what happened with that relationship?

1:25:28 Caller We were together for about five years and it ended recently in April.

1:25:33 Adam All right, so-

1:25:33 Drew 21 to 26 and before that, early 20 to 25, before that no relationships, huh?

1:25:38 Caller No.

1:25:39 Adam All right, Eva, here's the thing. He has no intention of leaving his wife.

1:25:45 Caller Well, it's just something that it's not, something that we really discussed and I don't expect him to and he loves his wife dearly.

1:25:57 Drew So what do you want to get out of this? What's in this for you?

1:26:00 Adam He loves his wife dearly and loves Eva rearly. Yeah, yeah, whoa.

1:26:06 Drew High five.

1:26:07 Adam A rare high five from Dr. Drew. Second high five. Well, as Eva, I know it sort of feels good in the attention and it's hard when you're working with someone and you're infatuated and attracted and so on and so forth.

1:26:18 Drew And you've just broken up from a five year relationship.

1:26:20 Adam Yeah, this is going nowhere. And this is gonna be a sort of a slow death. And this is a limb that needs to be amputated and you can't stay, your thing is like, how am I gonna get by without my leg? And it's like, you're gonna get gangrene and you're gonna die.

1:26:37 Drew You may want to get out of that work environment. I would suggest, if you possibly can.

1:26:41 Adam You're smart. You can tell him this has to end. I have, sure I have feelings for you. And if you change your mind.

1:26:49 Drew Or if you leave your wife.

1:26:51 Adam And that's what I'm talking about. Then we can wait a few months and give me a call. But you and your wife, I gotta move on. It's best for you, Eva, you're smart.

1:27:01 Drew I would say it's best for everybody. Although God knows this guy will do this to somebody else.

1:27:07 Adam You guys are a way bus and no anal naturally. Let me tell you, guys got attorneys, got male attorneys, any attorneys, huge way bus. Screwing around with my wife, banging an underling over at work, like some anal.

1:27:27 Drew At some time they start thinking that nothing matters. Everything's relative.

1:27:32 Adam Yeah, well, that's what ends up happening with their profession, which is it's not really about right or wrong or guilty or innocent. It's just we'll just collect this evidence and we'll see if we can get people off on a technicality.

1:27:46 Drew Nothing matters.

1:27:46 Adam Or it doesn't really matter if silicone breast implants don't actually damage anybody. There's money to be made. And I hear people argue that all the time and it drives me nuts. It's sort of like, well, look, we all know the guy did X, Y or Z, but they didn't prove beyond a reasonable doubt that, OK, but if we all know the guy's guilty and then ultimately not enough, you know, we really need and we need in this country, Drew. We have to start focusing on the spirit of the law. Oh, my. Not the letter of the law. Oh, my. And it's not only the attorney's fault, although I'd like to blame it on them. It's everyone's fault. And when I say everyone, I mean, everyone but me and Drew, possibly engineer Chris.

1:28:32 Drew What do you mean for taking the system and abusing it?

1:28:34 Adam Well, here's what we do. What we do is we, you know, there's the four way stop sign in the middle of the desert and you roll through it and you get the ticket because technically you didn't come to a stop. But of course, the spirit of the law is trying for you not to t bone another car. And the reality is there was zero safety was a zero factor and therefore you shouldn't get the ticket. But then it's like, oh, no, no, no, no, you didn't come to a complete stop or you rolled through this at four in the morning or you turn left and there was no traffic coming. All this nonsense. And then that just bleeds into the courts. The cops get it started with the technical BS chicken ass ticket that had everything to do with the letter of the law and nothing to do with the spirit of the law. I mean, you make these rules so X, Y and Z doesn't happen and then we all just start spinning out. It's like I took that that flight that time and then the stupid hatch was open on the overhead luggage thing and we couldn't take the plane off. Oh, I was at my best.

1:29:34 Drew Oh, my God.

1:29:34 Adam And I said, there's nothing in.

1:29:36 Drew They took so glad I was not on that plane.

1:29:39 Adam Oh, it was uncomfortable. They took it. I had a couple of bloody marriage. I was sitting in first class and running late, handsome picking me up from the airport. Why aren't we going? Well, because the latch is screwed up on the overhead compartment in the door, which has a sort of pneumatic spring loaded opener is now going open. We shut it and then it starts slowly opening again. Well, what's wrong? Why aren't we leaving? Well, FAA regulations say you can't take the plane off unless the thing is securely shut. Well, well, let's empty it out. Oh, no, there's nothing in it. Well, then let's take off. Oh, no, you can't do it. If it's open. Yes, a junk doesn't fall on people's head, sir, please sit down, sit. It's only the reason it can't be open is so my camera case does not conk old old old Betty on the head over there and cause some hematoma. I think I said hematoma. It's all good. It's all good.

1:30:39 Drew I was gonna let it go.

1:30:42 Adam I got I got hematoma and manitoba. Okay. The point is, is this is this is lawyers. This is letter of the law. Yeah. The spirit of the laws. Look, we got to make sure these are close and no one gets hit on the head with the falling object.

1:30:56 Drew One of the purposes of laws to make us do the right thing to do the good. But the good guys just work around the good guys have become the bad guys.

1:31:05 Adam Yes.

1:31:05 Drew And now it's all about making the bad making the good guys bad. That's what the laws for.

1:31:09 Adam Let me let me tell you. I sat there and so I said, OK, so we got to get it shut and shut. Go get some duct tape and put a piece of duct tape on if it needs to be shut. Sir, please sit down. And I said, Look, let's just go. What are we doing here? I mean, come on. That's not going to do anything. It's empty.

1:31:26 Caller What's air?

1:31:27 Adam Is air going to fall out?

1:31:29 Caller Air?

1:31:29 Adam What? Is there some air stuck in there that's going to land on someone's head? Let's go. Let's get it going. And that's by the way, that's what we need in this life. This is why I turn left at every one of those chicken ass red arrows when the when the signal is green. I see the earth curving in the distance. I'm not buying into it. I'm turning. I'm taking the plane off. We need people that we need a groundswell of this. And this is what we need. And we need people. We need to take our country back. You're right. And I said, put some duct tape on it and let's go. And she was like, I was like, I was a federal marshals. And by the way, this is pre-9-11. If it was post-9-11, I would have been dragged off the plane as a maniac. Of course, everyone else is just sitting there with their thumbs up their ass because they're too chicken ass to say anything. Okay, it may have been the booze talking. But I said, let's go. Let's do it. Let's go. What are we doing here? This is costing money. Let's go. I got someone meeting me at the airport. Let's go, sir. So maintenance guy comes in, makes three or four trips, takes a few passes with the screwdriver, goes back and forth. Of course, yeah, but an hour and 40 minutes later, pulls out the duct tape. Oh, that was great. But then, of course, I had my, you know, then I had my day in the sun with the stewardess, but then it was it was payback time from Chicago. I've been ignored or abused for the rest of that flight because I brought the duct tape on and I've been burned. Yeah. And she was she was like a wounded, wounded the entire flight. All I'm saying is, is let's focus on a spirit, spirit of the law, and let's move forward with our lives and let's let's all decide, let's all decide when it's OK to turn left. I think we can decide. We decided at the last signal that didn't have the goddamn arrow. Can we decide this? We decide to take the airplane off. We can do all this.

1:33:22 Drew There's all kinds of things you cannot decide to do unless you are in France.

1:33:26 Adam That's right.

1:33:26 Drew Then you can do it all.

1:33:27 Adam That's right.

1:33:28 Drew You can be an adult.

1:33:28 Adam You're in Europe. You get to walk around with a beer in your hand.

1:33:31 Drew A glass. A glass. Imagine. And a cigarette. In the open air.

1:33:37 Adam Oh, I know. And I can't believe that people aren't just finishing off their Heineken's and throwing them into an open crowd. No, we have to cover everything with padding. Adults have to drink everything out of plastic cups. Every lighter has to have a childproof thing on it. And that goddamn childproof thing. I mean, it's like I find myself fits. Drew, try to light a lighter, by the way. You just sit in there and you're like holding and some. First off, if we're going to childproof something, can't we just do it one way? Do we have to have as many different devices for lighters as there are lighters? It's like there's nothing worse. Someone gives you their lighter and it's like up, up. And then the guy's going, no, no, you got to pull out the choke on this one and then twist it half a click to the left. And then you had to put a set of chopsticks up your ass. And that's the one this one likes. Oh, yeah, because mine, I just got the one with the big band on it that doesn't really let you turn the flint at all.

1:34:34 Drew Oh, no.

1:34:35 Adam Oh, you tried it once. Yeah, I'm trying to get.

1:34:37 Drew No, no, you got to grab the chopstick.

1:34:38 Adam You got to reset it. You got to reset after after each try. You're just sitting there wearing the skin off of my thumb like a retard going, what are we doing? Arguing with every bottle. And really, it's it because a handful of idiots every year burn their trailer down because a handful of kids that aren't watching something about this.

1:34:58 Drew So the medication Vioxx was just taken off the market. So great medication, great medication. Ten cases out of 10,000 may be associated with heart. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

1:35:07 Adam Yeah.

1:35:08 Drew The thousands of people are helped by it. We got to take it off the market. We got to relabel it.

1:35:12 Adam Here's the next time you're just sitting in your house and you're hearing that me, me, me, me. Because a garbage truck has put it in reverse and I want to run over the kids and you're struggling with your lighter and you're trying to get your aspirin open. Drew, how much money do guys spend trying to get chicks? Um, uh, into the billions? Cars, everything.

1:35:45 Drew Everything.

1:35:46 Adam Hair plugs? All they need is a max deodorant body spray. Hey everybody, Love Line. Drew's song, yeah?

1:36:11 Drew There we go.

1:36:13 Adam That's the one.

1:36:14 Caller Isn't this a great song?

1:36:16 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:36:19 Drew Yeah, a little bit, right.

1:36:21 Caller If you like this, you'd love The Cure. As far as music.

1:36:24 Drew I remember The Cure. It sounds just like The Cure, though. Yeah, The Cure was in here a few times back in the day.

1:36:30 Adam Yeah.

1:36:31 Caller This sounds, this is The Cure.

1:36:32 Drew Yes, very much so.

1:36:33 Adam Drew, I would like you to make a list of the bands that have been in here.

1:36:37 Drew If I have to forget, I wouldn't know that they had actually been here.

1:36:41 Adam And should pull those.

1:36:42 Drew And show me a picture of Jennifer Lopez in here with us.

1:36:45 Adam Oh, really? Wow. And you've had like Kaja, Goo Goo, and all sorts of crazy. I mean, those.

1:36:51 Drew Spriti Politi.

1:36:52 Adam Were those 80s bands.

1:36:54 Drew Catherine Wheel.

1:36:55 Adam Were they now kind of thing? They've all been through.

1:36:58 Drew They're making dinosaur heads out of weird materials.

1:37:02 Adam All right. We'll call back to nothing. Ray.

1:37:06 Caller Yes.

1:37:07 Adam 20.

1:37:08 Caller Yeah.

1:37:09 Adam Gay sex addict. You cheat on your boyfriend?

1:37:15 Caller Yeah.

1:37:17 Adam How old is he?

1:37:18 Caller He's in his 30s.

1:37:21 Drew How long have you been with him for? How long have you been with him?

1:37:27 Caller For like a year and a half.

1:37:29 Drew And you cheat regularly? How often?

1:37:34 Caller I would say it can be up to like two or three times a week. It's kind of crazy.

1:37:42 Adam Two or three times a week. I guess you can do that if you guys. Where do you cheat? I'm beside doing the ass.

1:37:49 Caller I just meet people. I just see people like a coffee shop or just like at a club or something.

1:37:57 Adam Wait a minute, you have to go to a gay coffee shop or a gay club?

1:38:04 Caller Yeah, I kind of.

1:38:06 Drew He just knows where to hang out.

1:38:07 Adam All right, you know where to hang out. You know, in a way, I guess if you're gay, you kind of become like drug addicts where you just you got to go to the places where the stuff is. Sure. Yeah, I know that sounds horrible, but what I mean is is look, you want to get some sex and you can't be wasting your time in some Starbucks where there's no no gays. I mean, you got to go to where the action is. Yeah, right.

1:38:32 Drew Well, the deal is right. Were you sexually abused growing up?

1:38:36 Caller Um, no, no.

1:38:38 Drew Really?

1:38:39 Adam Sounds disappointed.

1:38:42 Drew You weren't really?

1:38:43 Caller No.

1:38:44 Adam All right. And when you when you cheat with these guys, oral or more?

1:38:50 Caller More.

1:38:52 Caller Isn't that more than often?

1:38:54 Adam Which which end are you on?

1:38:57 Caller I'm usually receiving.

1:38:58 Adam Receiving.

1:39:00 Drew Catcher.

1:39:01 Adam Is that more like more? Yes, we know, Drew. More likely to get a disease. Yes, Drew?

1:39:06 Drew Yes, Adam. Yeah. Condoms. Yes.

1:39:09 Caller Yes.

1:39:10 Drew And how old were you when you first started having sex?

1:39:16 Caller Like 17.

1:39:18 Drew It's hard to get sexual addiction without first either being addicted to something else or having sexual abuse. So which is it?

1:39:28 Caller I'm not sure. I know that it's just like an insatiable hunger that I have. I don't.

1:39:35 Adam Adam Lassanus Syndrome. Drew, let me say this. Hold on, Ray. I'm going to defend you. As a guy, you have an appetite.

1:39:42 Drew No, I get you.

1:39:43 Adam I would argue that gays may even have a more prodigious appetite. So, you're gay, you're 20, and you want to get it on three times a week.

1:39:51 Drew Well, then you should break up with his boyfriend and go do that.

1:39:53 Adam That's what you should do. Is he a sugar daddy?

1:39:57 Caller No, but we've kind of developed a really great relationship.

1:40:00 Adam All right. Well, then stop getting cornholed by strangers.

1:40:04 Drew Yeah, it's a great way to treat the guy you really love.

1:40:08 Caller That's the problem I have, though.

1:40:11 Adam Well, look.

1:40:11 Drew Well, then go to SA. Because then you're an addict in general. You've been addicted to something else first and or you've been sexually abused or both. And this has to be dealt with. And if you don't remember it, you don't can't, you know, can't put it all together. Fine. But you've got to process this material because it's having a consequence, having an effect on your life.

1:40:28 Adam Tyler. He and girlfriend are both virgins. She won't have sex. Dating for a year. She religious? Sort of.

1:40:40 Caller Not to an extent, you know, too much, but yes.

1:40:43 Drew Cyprus. How religious can she be?

1:40:44 Caller Yeah.

1:40:44 Adam Does she want to wait until she's married?

1:40:47 Caller You know, she says that, but to a point when we talk about it, it seems more like she's afraid of getting pregnant.

1:40:54 Drew All right.

1:40:54 Adam So she's freaked out because her mom got pregnant early or she has a sister.

1:40:57 Caller No, actually, her mom didn't get pregnant with her until she was 30.

1:41:01 Adam With her until she was 30, but she has a sister who's in her 60s.

1:41:05 Caller No, no, no. She's an only child.

1:41:07 Adam Oh, really? In her 30s? Well, then maybe mom was just all over her. Nailed that at home. All right. Look, Tyler, you cannot put the screws to her. Pardon the pun. You'll freak her out. She'll recoil. Just play casual.

1:41:23 Drew We've got to be more honest about what her goals are. We should declare her major here.

1:41:28 Adam Because you can use birth control if that's a cause. But on the other hand, don't come at her with your junk swing and wind. Pretend like you don't want it either for about 10 seconds and then jump on her. We'll be back.

1:41:43 Caller Here's the deal.

1:41:43 Caller You're looking to hook up?

1:41:45 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:41:47 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:41:48 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

1:41:52 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:41:55 Caller Love 191.

1:42:11 Adam Bonnie Somerville in here tomorrow night, the new hottie lead from NYPD Blue, and then Puddle of Mud in here on Wednesday the 6th, and we're gonna get some calls from Iraq, and they were just there doing a little USO action, so we'll talk to them all about that. I will be interested in Iraq and finding out how that went. So.

1:42:31 Drew That same night, people should be tuning in to see Adam on CBS, huh?

1:42:34 Adam That's right.

1:42:35 Drew 12.30.

1:42:36 Adam That's right, a little late late show action. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew, saying, mahalo.

1:42:42 Caller Mad man.

1:42:46 Drew Loveline.

1:42:49 Caller The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, October 4, 2004