Episode 1000649449646

2:06 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

2:20 Voiceover This is Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

2:29 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist, John McCray and Vince DeFiori here tonight from Cake. Always good to see Cake. As far as I know, this is Cake. I know there's five other guys in the band, but I wouldn't recognize them if they cross me in the street.

2:54 Drew This is our Cake.

2:55 Cake We're the ones that talk about sex with you.

2:57 Adam John and Vince is Cake. Always good to see Cake and a band that's now been around 12 years, if you can believe it. It was formed in 1992, but probably came on to the scene in 1996.

3:15 Drew 96.

3:16 Adam When did you make this?

3:17 Cake We released our first album on our own independent label in 94. Yeah, no, 93, and then it was re-released in 94. In the same stations, it said they didn't like it, started playing it when it was released on a real label.

3:35 Drew Right.

3:36 Cake So then, and then in 96, we released another album. So that actually sort of probably brought us to people's attention for the first time because it was a...

3:45 Adam Going the distance was on it.

3:47 Cake A sports encouragement anthem.

3:49 Adam Yeah. Great song. Here's the thing about Cake too. Nobody doesn't like Cake. There's bands...

3:56 Drew Except you like pie.

3:57 Adam I like pie. But I mean, do you know what I'm saying?

4:00 Drew The band, Peter.

4:01 Adam The band Cake. What I'm saying is there's certain bands that people almost feel guilty about saying they like or that they always spark some debate, but not Cake. Cake's one of those bands people leave you alone.

4:11 We've tried to be under the radar a little bit.

4:13 Drew No, not under the radar either. Just life.

4:15 Adam People know who they are and they like them. And maybe they're not Cake aficionados. Maybe they just know a couple of Cake songs, they like those Cake songs, they let you go. They just leave you alone.

4:26 Cake Well, we've heard some debate on whether we deserve to exist or not, but we're just trying to provide quality service.

4:36 Drew You better exist to a lot of people because they're returning on November 18th and will be at the Universal Amphitheater.

4:41 Adam Yeah, Drew.

4:42 Drew Yeah, I would accept that one.

4:45 Adam Otherwise, they're going to be looking at instruments leaning on chairs up there.

4:49 Caller I'll drop drow.

4:52 Adam I'll do it. I'll drop drow. Don't make me drop drow. So, you know, and Cake, no, no, no, tell me if my impression is wrong of Cake. They're around for a little bit. They seem to take a little break and then they come around again. As opposed to going away, never coming back, or those bands just seem to be perpetually touring and promoting.

5:13 Cake Yeah. We try to just pace ourselves. And also, you know, there's enough music foisting itself at your head every month. And I think just think it's good to take a breath in between. Yeah.

5:27 And it's been five albums in ten years.

5:30 Adam Yeah. Does everyone live up north?

5:36 Yeah, Northern California, Central Valley and the Bay Area.

5:40 Adam I think it's a better life there, Drew.

5:42 Drew So much nicer.

5:43 Adam I think it's better.

5:44 We should be.

5:45 Drew I know Central Valley.

5:46 Central Valley.

5:47 Drew But Bay Area, yes.

5:49 Adam We should get in a cake.

5:51 Drew In fact, why did they settle Southern California? Why wasn't Los Angeles like up north?

5:56 Adam Well, there was a port here. I think we had a deep water port. I think it had to do with the port. I think that's why we're here.

6:03 Cake Good port, lots of sun. You know, you can keep your garage, I guess. Yeah, that and you can keep. Yeah, I guess so. And certainly the aerospace industry was really that brought a lot of people here.

6:16 Drew Lots of space, I guess, lots of flat space.

6:18 Cake And they can keep people working all year long.

6:21 Adam Right.

6:21 Cake Because the weather is good.

6:22 Adam Right. Yeah. Next time we move a little closer to Canada, I agree with Drew.

6:26 Cake With the climate change, though, it's exciting because it's going to get warmer and warmer up north.

6:31 Adam Oh, it is?

6:32 Cake Yeah.

6:33 Drew Yeah, well, it's getting warmer and warmer down here.

6:35 Adam It is.

6:35 Drew That's not so exciting.

6:36 Adam Is there climate change or not? Is there global warming or not? And how does it work? Because now I heard we're in a 10 year like tornado and typhoon and hurricane season that we'll be lucky if it's 10 years. Oh, really?

6:49 Cake Yeah. I mean, because, you know, most 98 percent of scientists that, you know, that I've read say that, yeah, there's such a thing. It's.

7:00 Drew Except a lot of them disagree on what it's caused by. A lot of them say it's natural, normal, part of the normal cycling.

7:06 Adam Let me tell you this. Let me say this. I I'm no meteorologist. I'm no scientist.

7:12 Drew Really?

7:12 Adam I failed high school biology. I don't know if I brought that up before, but here's what I like. Since I was 10, I heard people talking for different reasons and different occasions about towing an iceberg. One day we're going to have to tow an iceberg. Here's how we would cure this. We will tow an iceberg. They were talking about just recently, just a couple of weeks ago, that that's going to stop the hurricane. We'll tow an iceberg. Then, during the droughts that pop up every 10 years, someone talks about towing an iceberg. When are we going to tow an iceberg? We've been kicking around the tow the iceberg idea ever since tugboats and ropes were invented. Yet, no one ever seems to actually tow an iceberg. Can somebody tow a goddamn iceberg? I want to see it.

7:51 Cake I don't believe it's possible.

7:52 Drew You don't think it's possible? They're talking about ice cube by the time they get it down to the Pacific.

7:56 Adam But they used to talk about it all the time. We're going to tow an iceberg.

8:01 Cake It's a Santa Claus thing. They're lying to you.

8:04 Yeah, I think they figured out that the desalination plants were maybe a better option. That's one of the other ideas for that kind of thing.

8:13 Adam Well, maybe you're right.

8:14 Cake Save money on fuel. I mean, I imagine towing an iceberg is pretty expensive.

8:19 Adam I would imagine. I haven't got any estimates. It depends on the size of the starving students' iceberg towing fan line that will do it.

8:28 Caller Then you'd have to take the energy to melt it down, I guess, to make it into usable water.

8:32 Adam God will do that with his x-ray vision up there, which is the sun. But yeah, I don't say we have anything to do with it. And it's guys like you. I mean, it's you naysayers that don't get us our iceberg towed. But I would like a towed iceberg, and I think Drew's with me.

8:47 Cake There's a lot of big icebergs. Actually, they're breaking off from Antarctica. That's the point. That's the perfect opportunity. That are the size of the state of Delaware. I don't think you could pull that one around.

8:55 Adam No, no. You go with a smaller one, but you just tow it down and you make like an amusement park on it for as long as it can last.

9:03 Caller Bring it down here because the day after tomorrow, if you get it before it melts up there and makes the ocean have less salt in it and changes the magnetic pull and the clouds start whipping around and everything.

9:15 Adam I feel like I'm high.

9:16 Cake Let's go to the phone.

9:18 Adam Lynn?

9:20 Hello?

9:20 Adam You're 27?

9:21 Caller Yes. I'm in Seattle. I just had this question about this male friend that I've had for about a year and over the past few months, he has started having really strong feelings for me. I think love feelings and he knows I don't feel the same way, but I remember what Drew was saying about how the guys are always waiting for their opportunity to pounce in the relationship. So I'm kind of wondering, will he ever accept that it's not going to happen between us? And also, how long do you think it takes a guy in his situation, which is that he's twice divorced and has really been through the wringer, to get over feelings of infatuation and maybe love like this?

10:02 Drew Okay, I think you're confusing some of the ways in which the male mind works. When a guy's waiting to pounce, he's waiting to pounce for sex only. When he becomes infatuated, it's much more of a stalker mentality. He's just around and around, and he will not let go.

10:22 Adam Guys at 40 don't pounce anymore, really, they just sort of roll on top of you.

10:26 Drew Yeah, they spring a little bit.

10:27 Adam It's more of a smothering.

10:28 Drew Yeah, smother, they smother. And that's the fact of what's going on here. But why did you get into a situation with this guy, and by the twice divorce and all, it just means he's the kind of guy who would probably get infatuated right away, right out of the marriage.

10:40 Adam Oh, right. And let me say this too, you feeble-minded broads that are listening to the show. You want him to stop liking you in a sexual way or in a love sort of way, fatuation sort of way, and just go into liking you as a friend. When he stops liking you that way, game off. You're not going to be hanging out. So it's like, here's what I want to do. Stop liking me and then we're going to keep hanging out. No way. No, he's gone. Right. All right. So, Lynn. Is there any chance that you might be interested in him physically?

11:12 Caller Actually, I feel horrible because I find him kind of annoying and he thinks of me like his best friend. Like, he's always raving about me. He says, like, I'm the only person he trusts in the whole world.

11:22 Cake No, no, no, no, no.

11:23 Drew He's actually kind of a disturbed guy then.

11:25 Cake Why don't you try picking your nose a lot in front of him?

11:27 Drew No. Listen, whenever anybody says to you, you are the most greatest whatever, fill in the blank, that is ever no one else can compare to you, you're the best ever. That's an idealization and that's somebody who is living in a world where they idealize and de-idealize people and can't accept them as they really are, sort of the gray zone that we actually all live in. And when somebody asks you to, and you need to be idealized by him, you got to set some boundaries with this guy. Just go, look, I'm not that person. You got to be very firm with him. And yes, you may take quite a fall and that may be painful to you, but at least you're being fair to him then.

12:00 Adam So you're saying pick the nose?

12:03 Drew Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

12:05 Adam I just want to cut to the point there. Hey, Lynn, here's the thing too. What's with you that this guy's annoying, you're not attracted to him, you know he's infatuated with you, and you have to keep this thing strung along. And now I'm going to put you on hold because I don't need to hear you. I'll answer for you. Here's the thing, you can do it. Oh, look, if you don't want someone to hang out with you, it's done. If you really don't. And you know, people say, oh, I don't know what to do. He keeps calling and he comes by and whatever. Believe me, if you don't want to spend time with the guy, you can figure it out. You are culpable to some degree.

12:38 Drew You ought to hear her answer. It'll be interesting because she's kind of a person that needs to be idealized, needs to be perfect.

12:43 Adam All right, Lynn.

12:43 Caller I do think of him as a friend and I do like spending time with him to some degree. Also, it's thickens because I tutor him. He's trying to get his GED and we've been tutoring for the past nine or ten months and that's kind of how these feelings have developed.

12:57 Drew So, Lynn, you're really participating with this. Not only are you allowing you a dual relationship to develop here.

13:05 Adam What do you do with a GED at 40, by the way?

13:07 Caller You always say it's useless.

13:09 Adam Enjoy. And 20 years at junior college and then we'll bury you with the GED.

13:14 Drew But it all sounds smacks of somebody who's had a lot of disability, a lot of chaos in his life and you are allowing him to get... What's up with you, Lynn, that you let this guy get below through all these boundaries and not be what you're supposed to be, which is a professional tutoring?

13:27 Caller Well, we keep our boundaries.

13:29 Drew No, you've not kept boundaries. You've not kept boundaries. You've allowed him to develop these feelings.

13:32 Adam All right, Lynn, you a big gal? Big ass on you? No, no.

13:36 Caller I'm cute. I know you always ask that.

13:38 Adam All right, you're cute.

13:39 Caller No, it's not so much that. I mean, he...

13:41 Adam All right, I'm done. Look, here's the thing. Just, you don't want a thing with him. Here's... You got to understand, too. You have to treat these guys like stray animals, which is you can't put a little sauce or milk out by the back porch. Oh, I only put it out twice a week. I don't put it out every day. That's enough to keep them around. They have nothing else.

13:59 Cake This has to do with her vanity.

14:01 Drew I think so. It's more than vanity, though. It's... She's got some problems, too. I mean, he's just pushing all of her buttons.

14:07 Adam And they need to be on a diet of air and water in order to get off. They can't get a crumb from you.

14:14 Drew I hate to say it, but she should read my book, Cracked, because I specifically... Well, listen, I was specific... I know you've not read it, but if you had, you'd know it was specifically exploring boundaries in professional relationships.

14:24 Adam Yes. You should read that. Let's... We're going to hear a song from Cake, by the way, a new song, before the break is through. Tim?

14:32 Hey, Adam.

14:34 Adam Seventeen. What's happening? Say hi to Cake.

14:37 Hi, Cake. Hello. First off, Adam, you are God.

14:42 Drew Thanks.

14:42 And, Drew, you're a very passionate man.

14:44 Drew Passionate.

14:47 Okay, so I've been with this girl almost a year now, love her to death. Uh-oh. The thing is, when she first got into high school, which was two years ago, she was like the school slut. And it all kind of culminated with her getting raped at a party, which I guess is kind of the whole thing kind of just bothers me, her past, you know.

15:19 Drew Whoa, whoa, whoa, you jumped around a little bit. She got raped at a party, how did you get involved with this?

15:25 Adam Well, he was the third guy.

15:26 Drew Third guy.

15:27 Adam He tagged it.

15:28 No, I met her last year. I didn't know who she was until, like, I kind of got to know her and she just told me about it.

15:41 Drew And you needed to rescue her from all that? You kind of a rescuing guy?

15:45 Yeah. We kind of both, like, rescued ourselves from the.

15:48 Adam Hold on. Tim. Virgin?

15:50 Until I met her, yeah.

15:53 Drew She's the. Yeah, she's the life preserver.

15:56 Adam Here. Here's. Okay. Here's a very common scenario, which is guys like Tim have not had a lot of experience with women. And the first thing that comes along with.

16:08 Drew Let's hold still for them.

16:09 Adam Hold still for them. They grab onto with both hands. Now, hold on. Quiet. I got to tear you down before I build you up. Actually, I just tear you down. Then Drew builds you up. That's the way we do it. The point is, is you then get very attached to these people and then it becomes a sort of project. Like there's some, you know, used car that you're going to put some primer and some paint on or something or to try to get the stink of the last owner off of them.

16:35 Drew Well, because it's my car now as I found the center, I found an alley.

16:38 Adam You're not going to be able to fix her. And here's the other thing too. I'm sorry she went through whatever she went through. But there's a part of her that was you'll find out if you stay with her long enough that wasn't just a pure victim situation.

16:54 Drew She needs help. She was victimized long before the rape. Long before.

16:58 Yeah.

16:59 Adam Right.

17:00 Just like through listening to you, I know I think I know what's going on. I mean her dad, she totally has a bad relationship with him and I mean this isn't my first experience with a girl. I've had I've had a couple girlfriends before for kind of a long time.

17:17 Adam Yeah. What base did you get to with them?

17:21 Third.

17:21 Drew Third base.

17:23 Yeah.

17:24 Drew What does that mean in 2004? 17 year olds?

17:26 Adam That's an alms. That's an alms. They shot a snuff film. Third used to be for us just to be feeling the crotch outside of the pants. For them, it's they have sex with the corpse in front of the parents and they film it and put it on the internet and they rape them with a parking meter. That's what third base is now.

17:50 Caller That's probably true.

17:51 Adam It is true. Rape with a parking meter.

17:53 Drew Close to true. He did let it slip out. It's oral sex.

17:56 Cake It's great that people feel so much more free now.

17:59 Adam It is great.

18:00 Drew It's liberating. Is it great? Yeah, it's perfect. It's nice. Whatever you're into.

18:04 Adam Hey, man. It's all beautiful.

18:05 Drew You just uptight, Adam.

18:07 Adam I know. The man poisoned me. Tim, if we could tow a goddamn iceberg over here, I think I could chill out a little bit, but the man has poisoned me. Tim? Yeah. All right. Here's the thing. Do not get her pregnant.

18:22 Caller I'm definitely not.

18:24 Adam I'm going to try to get you kind of zen about this. Are you ready? Because I've been through this before back in the day. Every guy does this. Every guy gets a girlfriend when he's 17.

18:33 Drew A project?

18:34 Adam No, no. He obsesses about her past, who she's been with, blah, blah, blah, blah.

18:39 Drew Yeah, but this one's really...

18:41 Adam But I'm just saying, whatever degree, believe me, if she was a virgin but gave her pool man a handy once in the cabana, you'd be angry about it. If you have energy, you have energy about this stuff. Here's all I'm saying.

18:55 Drew I give me some energy, too. I've got energy just thinking about that.

18:57 Adam Do you know what I'm talking about?

18:59 Drew Yes, that's weird. But even if she kissed him...

19:01 Adam No, but guys, this is how guys work.

19:03 Drew Look at the pool man in the handy. It's like a 14-year-old. I'd be flipped out, too.

19:08 Adam Oh, yeah, yeah. No, but okay.

19:10 Drew 14.

19:11 Adam 14. All right. A handful of that diatomaceous earth and pow. Here's the point. Here's what I'm saying. What I'm saying is you're not going to marry her.

19:21 Drew And Chicago's one of the above ground pools.

19:24 Adam You're not going to marry her.

19:25 Drew No.

19:25 Adam You're not going to marry her. So it doesn't matter whether she's been with the zero guys or 5,000 guys, you're not going to marry her. You're not marrying her. You're 17. You'll go off to college. You'll go off to work over at Zoties and that'll be that. Does that still exist?

19:41 Drew I don't think so. But however, however, though. Okay, you want to finish?

19:44 Cake You're ruining this fantasy.

19:46 Adam No, I know, but just.

19:46 Drew Adam's right.

19:47 Adam Be zen about it. Really, just go, look, I'm 17. She's 17. I'm going to college in eight months. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to hang out. I'm going to have a good time. I'm going to enjoy the moment. We're going to break up in a year.

20:00 Cake And I'll be gone and who cares?

20:01 Drew You're asking him to be basically 40 about it.

20:03 Cake Yeah, who does that at that age?

20:05 Drew But here's the other thing. There's a little bit of a twist on it, which is it is an important relationship for him. It will have an impact on him. And it might as well not be a completely negative impact.

20:13 Adam Yeah.

20:14 Drew Adam's right. Kind of be a little more, what's the word I'm looking for? Have a little more equanimity when you approach, a little more ease.

20:22 Adam I'm Ford. I don't know what equanimity means. Look, just try to get outside, get a little distance. Tim?

20:30 Caller Yeah.

20:30 Adam All right. I know we didn't answer your question. It's not going to help. Just don't get her pregnant.

20:35 Caller Yeah. Is there something like, is there something I can do, though, just not to think about this stuff?

20:42 Adam No.

20:43 Caller I mean, I know, I know there's a certain amount that, you know, she wanted it.

20:49 Adam Look, Tim, you can't not ask, you're trying not to obsess on something brings the subject up in your head over and over again. Yeah. And the problem, oh, it's not, I'm just thinking when you're 17 and you have all the hormones and adrenaline and everything just coursing through you.

21:07 Cake This is rough.

21:08 Adam Yeah, it's rough. You get a little bit older, you're like a battery that got left out in a toy too long or something. I could barely get the bunny to clap the cymbals together.

21:19 Cake You're like, oh, she did what? Whatever.

21:23 Adam That's kind of nice.

21:24 Drew A ready bunny.

21:25 Adam It's nice not caring, isn't it?

21:27 Drew Yeah, it is actually.

21:28 Adam It is.

21:29 Drew It is. You can actually use, your brain actually functions again.

21:32 Adam This is why old guys wear jumpsuits, you know, with the belts built in. Screw you. I've got a boner, I'm not wearing any underpants, I'm just, I'm going to the market wearing slippers tomorrow. I don't care.

21:43 Cake It's about comfort. You're going to die soon. I'm not going to be uncomfortable.

21:47 Adam No, it's liberating. It's like life is a job you're going to retire from soon. So screw it. I'm not going to make the 8.30 meeting, take some supplies and tell the boss to blow me. That's what it is, Drew.

22:02 Cake Or the pool man maybe.

22:03 Adam The pool man. Handy from the pool.

22:06 Caller He's got a bundle of issues going on and there's no way that he's going to be able to get through it and let go.

22:11 Drew No. I would say try not to be too uptight about maybe get her some help and so you start to realize that I'm more therapeutic, man. I know it's hard at 17, but I realized that she needed help, she didn't get it in time, she was victimized, something happened to her and you're now getting her help, but you're not the one that's going to fix her and you're not the one that's going to magically go up all this.

22:29 Adam Yes. And don't look at her as broken or damaged.

22:32 Drew Just get her help.

22:33 Adam Just get her fixed.

22:34 Caller We need to really super actively pursue some good hobbies.

22:38 Adam Yeah.

22:39 Drew Yeah.

22:39 Caller Diversions.

22:40 Adam You do need diversions.

22:41 Drew Sports.

22:42 Adam Yeah.

22:42 Drew Sports.

22:43 Adam Sports.

22:44 Drew Sports. That saves young males.

22:46 Adam Absolutely.

22:48 Cake Rock music.

22:49 Adam Rock music.

22:49 Drew Play music on a band you won't remember.

22:51 Cake Be a drummer.

22:52 Adam That's right. Yeah. Work it all out on the skins.

22:55 Cake Become a drummer.

22:56 Adam Frank. You're 23? Yes. Time to play a little Germany or Florida. Here's how the game goes, fellas. All bizarre stories emanate from either Germany or Florida. And I'm not talking about guy backs over his daughter. I'm talking about cuts his toes off and fries him up and eats him. The macabre comes from either Germany or Florida. So he tells us a story and then we guess. Is it Germany or Florida?

23:23 Drew We don't guess. We tell him.

23:24 Adam We tell him. We've got to be 14 for our last 16.

23:29 Drew Easy.

23:29 Adam Easy. Frank.

23:33 Well, first, I just wanted to ask you a question, Adam.

23:36 Adam Yes.

23:38 I was curious if when you were about between 10 and 12 years old, if you made a movie on how to throw the javelin?

23:46 Adam No.

23:47 You didn't?

23:48 Adam No, I did mine on the discus. I did a discus and I did a shot book movie, but I did not do javelin. I did a decathlon and pentathlon one and I also did a steeple chase. Actually, I did every event in the track and field, I did a tutorial on it, never did the javelin.

24:07 Drew No decathlon, no javelin.

24:08 Cake You hate javelin.

24:08 Adam I hate javelin.

24:09 Drew Well, he sucks at it too. Yeah, I'm bad at it. Possibly.

24:12 Adam World class at the hammer throw, but not the javelin. It's a totally different motion. Well, thanks, Frank. I get that ass all the time.

24:20 Okay, Cake, you guys are awesome too. Love you guys.

24:23 Cake We're not into javelin either.

24:26 Adam In 1978, did you guys make an album called Rocks and it had diamonds on the front or is that Aerosmith? Frank?

24:37 Yes.

24:37 Adam All right, go ahead. Hold on a second. You saw a movie with a guy who looked like me that was throwing a javelin when he was 11?

24:44 Yes. Well, it was a movie on how to instruct little kids and there's a little boy who looked very much like you and it was filmed in Los Angeles around the time I think you would have been about that age.

24:56 Cake We need to get that footage.

24:57 Adam Yeah, I'd like to see that.

24:59 Caller That would have been great if that was actually you.

25:01 Adam It would have been nice if it was me, but here's how you know it's not me. Because I was 11, I didn't drive, my parents would have had to take me somewhere other, you know, past our front lawn and that was out of the question. It's the same rule I use with people when they say, oh, did you have battleship? Did you have operation? I say, did it take batteries? Stratego. Stratego. Does it take batteries? Well, yeah, then I didn't have it. Now I did. Now just use that rule of thumb and that's how you know. If it involved taking your child somewhere and enrolling them or getting film, it didn't do it. If the film camera was in a crappy house in North Hollywood and I was throwing a javelin into a box spring that was in an alley, then it could have been me. But the javelin wouldn't have been a javelin, it would have been a mop handle that I carved into a point with some duct tape on it. All right, Frank, sorry. Go ahead. Germany or Florida?

25:49 Caller So, a student fed ten teachers a cake laced with hashish.

25:53 Drew Say it again?

25:56 Caller Students fed ten teachers a cake laced with hashish.

26:00 Drew Sent ten teachers?

26:02 Adam Yeah, a cake laced with hashish.

26:04 Drew To ten teachers, okay.

26:06 Caller Yeah, some of the teachers went to the hospital for nausea, but the principal predicts the student will avoid expulsion because he's apologized for the prank.

26:14 Adam Hmm, hmm, hmm, hold on, we gotta take a break.

26:17 Drew All right, we'll think about it.

26:19 Adam Hashish has a very international flavor to it.

26:22 Drew The forgiveness is not very Floridian.

26:24 Adam No, no, no, no.

26:25 Cake The Germans are in to hash.

26:27 Adam And Germans are in to hash.

26:28 Cake Well, eh.

26:28 Drew These are the kind of clothes that the term would answer.

26:31 Adam Yeah, Vince may go the other direction, we don't know. Cake in studio tonight, we'll take a quick break, we'll come back, we'll finish the Germany of Florida, and then we'll hear a song from Cake off the New Island Pressure Jeep. All that, after this.

26:44 Dude, you got issues.

26:47 1-800-LOVE-191.

26:50 Loveline is brought to you by the new.

26:53 Drew Red Sox want them too. All these Boston guys are going to go insane.

27:09 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Cake in studio tonight. And then Bonnie Summerville from NYPD Blue is in here and also Puddle of Mud calling in from, oh no, they're coming in and then we're getting calls from Iraq on Wednesday because Puddle of Mud was out there doing like a USO thing and we're actually going to kind of hook up a line with, we're not talking to US soldiers, we're talking mostly Al Qaeda.

27:40 Drew Oh that'll be nice.

27:41 Adam No, not the right. Oh yeah. It's going to be like me going, well so you're female and you gave your man a hand, he should have his hands cut off. That's all. That's every answer is going to be. But let me tell you something about those people. We cannot judge.

28:00 Drew No judge.

28:00 Adam We cannot judge. It's impossible to judge.

28:02 Drew Anti-culture is a beautiful thing.

28:04 Adam It's all beautiful and there's only difference.

28:06 Drew It's all relative.

28:07 Adam There's no better, there's no worse.

28:08 Drew So you, where you're sitting, you think there's a difference, but we cannot judge.

28:11 Cake What about clitorectomies?

28:14 Drew How dare you? How dare you?

28:15 Adam Now if I do one, hold on.

28:16 Cake Two million, two million per year.

28:18 Drew Hang on.

28:18 Cake Two million.

28:19 Drew If Whitey does it.

28:20 Adam On one chick? Here's the point. If I did it, it's a crime. But if someone from a different land did it, then it's a cultural thing and I, as a white person, cannot judge.

28:31 Cake Well, at least you have running water. Only 35% of the world has running water. Just live it up and shut up.

28:38 Adam No, I'm not judging.

28:39 Cake You can't get in there.

28:41 Adam Listen, things are only different. There's no better and there's no worse. You understand?

28:46 Drew Can't judge.

28:47 Adam You cannot judge. Impossible to judge.

28:49 Drew Cladrectomies? Whatever.

28:51 Adam It's a cultural thing.

28:52 Cake If it feels good, do it.

28:53 Drew Cut their arms off? Whatever. Human sacrifice? How dare you?

28:57 Adam Cannot judge. Cannot judge.

28:59 Well, I think that we have to.

29:02 Cake Why?

29:02 Drew Why can't judge? Can't judge?

29:03 Cake I think we do have to find some way of.

29:06 Drew Why?

29:07 Adam No, we can't. It's not that we don't want to judge. We want to. It's impossible. You cannot judge.

29:13 Cake Well, I was just thinking with the whole Islam versus Christianity thing, everybody just has to take a big, deep breath. I think you're right. I know you're joking, but don't judge. You know what, there are a lot of really moderate Muslim people, in fact, most of them. Think of how many virulent born-again Christians or crazy people there are.

29:36 Drew You know that orthodoxy and fundamentalism, extremism, only exist in like five countries on earth. It's a rare thing. It doesn't exist in any polytheistic cultures.

29:47 Adam Can't we?

29:48 Cake There you go. It's a binary system. When it becomes like one or the other, you just go to the other one.

29:56 Adam It'd be nice, although I always say I want the guys that are orthodox and religious fanatics, I want it to be deemed as a medical or mental disorder. I wish we would not have so much reverence toward people that are flogging themselves and facing Mecca 30 times a day. And the same with the born again guys that are laying their hands on you and healing you and the Jews with the beards dragging on the ground. I got a five year old kid with the payoffs and a fake beard stuck to him and a shaved head. He's getting his ass kicked at school every day. No, nothing wrong. No electricity on Saturday. Not child abuse, huh? No, no mental disorder. You got a god damn box strapped to your head and you're praying on your knees. You can't even have a job because you're praying so much. You're banging your wife through a sheet. You're fine. Oh, no, no. Oh, no. That's beautiful. Hey, man. Oh, no. I respect that. No, get the folding chair. Go up to the mountain. Wait for the rapture. That's fine. No, that's fine. No, no. No, you're stable. No, you should raise eight kids. Oh, you named them after the apostles. Fantastic. Have another brood. That's fantastic. How come no one pipes up and goes, hey, nuts job? You're nuts. The guy thinks he's Napoleon who's getting chased with a butterfly net? I'd rather hang out with him. At least he knows he's nuts. You think you're right.

31:12 Cake At least he's not trying to convert you.

31:14 Adam Yes. He knows. I mean, he's the only Napoleon. He doesn't want you to be Napoleon, too. He's smart that way. We can't have an army full of generals.

31:24 Drew Some of the crazy behavior, though, is out of reverence to historical cultural standards.

31:30 Adam Yeah.

31:30 Drew It's just sort of paying tribute.

31:32 Adam Let's just stop. Let's stop pretending like... Here's what I'd like us to do as a society and as a culture. Let's stop pretending like we believe them, number one, and they're whatever. They're nutty-ass ideology is, and two, let's stop having so much goddamn respect for them.

31:47 Cake Well, it's tough in the United States, though, because we're... Our culture, we're descendants of religious zealots and freaks that couldn't deal with the color gray that was in Europe, and they wanted a binary system, and they wanted good and evil. We're, I think, in some ways, genetically connected to that inclination, and we take that, I think, into other whatever other aspects of our lives. I mean, you know...

32:08 Adam I'd say the pool has been watered down sufficiently by now. 2004, we can start calling these people what they are and tell them to kiss our ass and move on. That's all I'm saying. I'm saying, if you don't believe the guy's religion, stop pretending like you do. Oh, you're going to piss him off? Who cares?

32:27 Cake But it's kind of fundamental to who we are as Americans, is that kind of freakiness.

32:32 Adam Yeah. Well, I'm done. Well, and all this stuff and, you know, that all these, these, please, oh no, we have to be this, we have to show that reverence. Everyone kiss my ass. Just shut your face with all your crappy religion, would you please? Just go, go to your crappy house. Oh, but look how God's blessed you, by the way. Look all the work Allah's doing for you. Fantastic. Go to your dirt floored crap hole and sit on it and go pray and shut your effing pie hole. Let me get to work. Jesus Christ. Frank, I know it's ironic, but I know I got to take the edge off. I'm just so tired of it. I'm just tired of sitting by. I'm an atheist. I got to sit there. Thanks. I need a cold one. I got to sit back and pretend like everyone's right. No, I don't want to say anything. What? What?

33:15 Drew We have to have toleration. We have to have to.

33:17 Adam I'm not doing. I'm not doing. Look, look at my non-religion as a religion, by the way. I'm not shoving it up your focus, am I? Shut up. Idiots.

33:29 Caller Fundamentalism of any kind.

33:32 Adam Orthodoxy. I hate them all.

33:34 Drew Orthodoxy.

33:35 Adam I hate them all.

33:35 Drew When you can't bear any other points of view.

33:39 Caller Yeah, not a lot of flexibility with the intelligence.

33:41 Adam By the way, you want to talk about being myopic or racist or whatever. How about, oh, you got to believe what I believe or you're going to hell. I mean, you're looking at me and saying, oh, I'm not being flexible. What about you? You've alienated 99% of the Earth's population because they don't believe in your crappy religion and in your mind, they're all going to some fiery pit.

34:04 Caller There are still the fundamentalists who believe that but have a lot of restraint not to tell you you're going to hell.

34:09 Cake But they're so superior. They act so superior. I don't like being around them.

34:13 Caller It's a step in the right direction. It is.

34:15 Adam Yeah, just I'm with Vincent. Just shut up. Please shut up about your crappy religion, which by the way, you don't really believe in, or you wouldn't be talking my ear off about it.

34:23 Drew But some of it is just ritual to sort of pay tribute to people who have fought for a religious tradition over many, many centuries.

34:29 Adam Just go do it and shut up.

34:30 Drew OK, shut up.

34:31 Adam That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. Shut up with it. No one wants to hear your nonsense anymore. And that goes for all of you. That's all of them. All of them. We don't respect it. We all laugh at it behind anyone who's not your religion obviously thinks you're wrong. If they thought you're right, they'd join you in your crappy ranks, but they're not doing it. So obviously, they don't really respect it. Thank you, Frank.

34:52 Drew All right, Frank. So Germany or Florida? We're going Germany?

34:55 Cake I think everybody thinks Germany.

34:56 Caller Yeah. Well, I, you know, you guys are probably right, but I was thinking it's hash. You're thinking it's probably more European, but maybe it was just a very small amount of hash in Florida.

35:06 Cake No, you can't get hash in Florida. Florida is uptight.

35:10 Caller Maybe an uncle just got back and smuggled some in from Amsterdam or something, but just a smidgen. Maybe it wasn't even hash. Maybe it was like a little bit of dried dog poo and he said it was hash and then the suggestion just made the teachers nauseous. It was like a placebo effect of nauseousness. Once they were told by the principal that there may have been some hash in there.

35:33 Adam Just to reset, it is Germany or Florida and so we know what we're talking about and Frank over here says some kids bake some cakes for their teachers and put hash in it. Teachers got sick.

35:43 Caller It was one kid, right?

35:44 Drew One kid.

35:45 Adam And they've forgiven. They've forgiven.

35:47 Drew Forgiven him.

35:48 Cake People aren't forgiven in Florida. They wouldn't forgive him.

35:50 Adam We're all going to Florida except for Vince.

35:52 Drew I mean Germany.

35:53 Caller No, you're going to Germany. I'll say Florida.

35:55 Adam Florida.

35:55 Caller Yeah.

35:55 Adam All right. Frank? Frank?

35:57 Caller Yes.

35:58 Adam Germany or Florida?

36:00 Caller It's Germany.

36:01 Adam Yeah.

36:03 Cake Hash and forgiveness does not exist in the state of Florida.

36:07 Adam That's right. And forgiveness. Yeah. And certainly not together.

36:12 Cake No.

36:12 Adam Oh, no. I mean, you might find a little forgiveness if you looked around long enough somewhere around the panhandle. And hash, maybe if you had some friends that were international travelers and keistered a balloon of heroin or hash or something that could bring it back to you, but not together. Now that was Germany. And the point, now here's how Germany and Florida is played. We all felt German very seconds into the question, yes?

36:36 Drew Yes, the hash and the forgiveness. Now we're going to hear a cake song.

36:39 Adam Oh, we are.

36:40 Cake Speaking of hash and forgiveness.

36:41 Adam Hash and forgiveness would be a good name for the sixth album. Pressure Chief, name of the new CD. It is out October 5th. That is Tuesday, yes? Yes. And, this one is called No Phone. Yeah. Cake, everybody. Pressure Chief, name of the new CD out Tuesday. Sounding like vintage cake, if you ask me. Great song. Real fast before we go to break here. Dave?

40:55 Yeah, how's it going, guys?

40:57 Adam Good, Dave. You're 24. What's up?

40:59 Caller Hey, I just saw you on the cover of the new Grass Motorsports with your dad from this month.

41:04 Drew Grass Motorsports?

41:06 Adam I think it's called Grass Roots.

41:09 Caller That's awesome. I'm in a 510 Owners Club and me and all the other guys were talking about you a couple of months ago. One of you still had your Datsun.

41:16 Adam Yes, I do.

41:17 Caller And I tried to call in and your phone screener wouldn't let me ask you about it.

41:21 Adam Yeah. Yeah, thanks, buddy. Well, we really just take any personal calls, I don't have anything to do with anything, but yeah, I have a old Datsun 510.

41:31 Drew Is that what you're on with?

41:32 Adam Yeah, but here's the whole thing, everybody. There's a group for everything that exists.

41:36 Drew Everything.

41:37 Adam If you have like a dwarf tabby, there's a cat group for that.

41:41 Drew And a magazine for it.

41:42 Adam And a magazine for it. If you have a 510 Datsun 1971, there's a group for that. And here's the whole thing. I have a few of those things. I don't want to go to the club meeting, though, you know, I just I happen to like it. And then, you know what else I like? Like my wife, I like Beaten Off, Dimension Beaten Off. I like going home, I like work on my house. I like Jimmy. I like the show. I like Drew. I like a bunch of things, you understand? That's what that's what we got to get through to these people. And same with the religious people, whether in the 510 Club or the Jesus 10 Club. Understand that that's a good thing and a healthy outlet and all that kind of good stuff. But you don't have to walk around with the windbreaker and hat on all the time.

42:25 Cake Did you just say Jesus 10 Club?

42:27 Adam Yeah.

42:27 Cake Which club is that?

42:29 Adam I don't know.

42:31 Cake One of those clubs.

42:32 Adam I would like to be a member of all clubs and then spread out accordingly. And that's what everyone needs to do. But thank you, Dave. I'm glad you're an enthusiast. I am too, but I'm an enthusiast about many things. I'm an enthusiast about enthusiasm, Drew. That's what I'm enthusiastic about.

42:46 Drew You'd be on the model airplane.

42:49 Adam I like the model airplanes. All right. Cake in studio tonight. We'll take a quick break.

43:01 We'll be right back after this.

43:03 Loveline is brought to you by the new movie, Alphys. Three, two, one, go.

43:12 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. John McCray here tonight. Vincent Spaceman.

43:22 Caller That was a difficult analogy, you have to admit.

43:27 Adam It wasn't spot on. I've had better analogies than the one I made during the commercial break to Vincent about a framed car versus a unibody car. But you had to think the egg was the unibody.

43:40 Drew Got it. I got it with that.

43:42 Adam Frames like the chicken bone with the flesh on it being the body. Okay, here's the thing, everyone. Cars all used to have frames like metal rails and stuff that ran down the middle and they get bent and stuff like that. And then the body would sit on top of the frame like a big steel ladder with wheels on it and then they'd lower the body on top of it. And then they started making, the Japanese started making unibody cars and European cars. Unibody is one big, no frame anymore. Just the fenders and the undercarriage and everything, the roof, that was the frame of the car. That's what kept it together.

44:17 Caller And then you have to put the doors on it and the trunk and all that.

44:20 Adam That's right. That's right.

44:22 Cake It's like an eggshell.

44:23 Adam It's like an eggshell that you put a trunk on. All right. We're good.

44:26 Drew Like a carton.

44:28 Adam All right. We're ready?

44:29 Drew Yeah.

44:29 Adam We're ready to rock?

44:30 Drew Let's go.

44:30 Adam Let's talk to Lily, who's 16, Lily. What's up?

44:37 Caller I am like the hugest fan of you guys. I listen to you guys like religiously.

44:42 Drew Thanks. Excellent.

44:48 Caller Okay, my question is, I'm like a nympho, and I'm like 16, and I was wondering what I do about that.

44:58 Drew Are you a trauma survivor, were you sexually abused growing up, that kind of thing?

45:01 Caller Well, I was like just raped.

45:04 Drew Just recently?

45:05 Caller Yeah, like during the summer.

45:07 Drew Well, usually when a 15 or 16-year-old is raped, does something happen before that, like long ago, like when you were 6 or 8?

45:14 Caller What?

45:15 Drew Anything happen when you were a lot younger? Alright, so it was physical abuse. How did you end up in a group home?

45:22 Adam You were in a group home?

45:23 Caller Yeah.

45:24 Adam Oh, did she say that? Oh, you just read that. True.

45:28 Drew I can't tell her that I read it or she said it.

45:30 Adam Good.

45:30 Drew How did you end up in a group home?

45:32 Caller My mom kicked me out when I was 13.

45:35 Adam Alright, so your mom was abusive, and now you're acting out.

45:37 Drew Yeah, and dad was God knows where. Are you bipolar?

45:41 Caller My mom is. I'm not sure if I am.

45:43 Drew Alright, so you might have inherited that, and that can make people very hypersexual, and you're a trauma survivor. That can make people hypersexual.

45:48 Adam Who raped you?

45:50 Caller I don't know. I was drunk, and I passed out and woke up naked.

45:55 Drew Alright, so you're a 16-year-old and you're using alcohol to the point that you're having horrible, horrible consequences. So I would advise you go focus on your alcoholism, because in the process of that 12-step recovery, you will discover a lot of things that will help you with the sexual compulsions as well. So it's time for you to go to some 12-step meetings and start talking to people. Do you see a therapist or a doctor or something there?

46:16 Caller I have a doctor and I go to a drug rehab program, but it's not for drinking, it's for like drug abuse.

46:24 Drew Alright, well you're doing other things besides the alcohol, but you're still drinking. You need to go to your 12-step meetings, you need to get the sponsor, and you need to work the steps. It's all part of it. It's all part of the same thing.

46:40 Adam You're addicted to anything that has a thrill involved with it.

46:43 Drew When you've been traumatized, you can't regulate the duration and intensity of your feeling states, and so you feel kind of overwhelmed and awful all the time, and the only thing that makes you feel okay are these sort of drug-like experiences, or as Adam says, thrills, so sex will give you that, and alcohol will give you that, and drugs will give you that. And then once you do these things, they trigger a biology where you can't stop doing those things. So all that needs to be dealt with in 12-step, okay? All right, but Lily.

47:05 Caller Yeah?

47:06 Adam You're smart. You like the show. You got that going for you.

47:10 Caller Yes, I listen to you guys religiously.

47:12 Adam Thanks, baby doll.

47:13 Caller Adam Crowley, you're like my hero.

47:16 Adam Thank you.

47:16 Caller And Dr. Drew, you rock.

47:17 Adam Thank you.

47:18 Drew So Adam's going to tell you what to do. Since he's your hero, you will follow his every word.

47:22 Caller Yes, I will.

47:23 Adam Okay, so do what Drew tells you to do.

47:25 Drew So you're going to go to meetings.

47:27 Adam Right.

47:27 Drew Get a sponsor, work the steps. Very simple and free, okay?

47:31 Adam You're smart and you don't have to act out. And I'm sorry you got a bad hand dealt to you, but you know, you can get past it. You're smart enough. Life's going to be a little more work for you, that's all, for a while. All right. All right, baby doll. Loving you, baby.

47:49 Drew Get that bipolar checked out.

47:51 Cake I read somewhere that people that eat a lot of candy when they're a kid have higher incidence of alcoholism later in life.

48:01 Adam Interesting. All right, hold on a second. Drew's going to beg to differ, I'm sure, but we haven't talked about this before.

48:09 Cake I was just in Canada. It was in the Canadian newspapers, so I can't vouch for it.

48:13 Adam Well, let's talk about what may be behind that and Drew can scoff while we're taking a leak while you guys are still in here turning the break.

48:20 Drew You're going to leak with us?

48:22 Adam No, no, then you can't scoff.

48:23 Drew Oh, that's right.

48:24 Adam All right, you'll be scoffing along, remember? Cake here tonight. We're going to take a quick break. Be right back.

48:28 Check.

48:50 This hour brought you apart by axe.

49:21 Caller Get it on, yeah.

49:52 Adam Yeah! People are doing it. Gotta get it on. Getting it on, Drew. Tell you, man, gotta get it on. Cake's getting it on. John McCrae and Vincent DeFiori here tonight from Cake. Gotta get it on. Getting it on. It is a pleasure to be here.

49:54 Really?

49:54 Adam Yeah, I'm enjoying myself.

49:55 Good.

49:55 Adam Yeah, we're getting it on. How many times you guys have been on the show? Three, four? Four, right? There's probably four. I'd say four.

49:56 Yeah.

49:56 Adam It's a long, strange trip. Yeah, it's, and you know, the thing about us and Cake is we've spread them out nicely. I mean, it's really like we went camping and we had four granola bars and we didn't eat them all in the car on the way out to the campsite. We had one day one, we had one day two. We're spreading Cake out.

50:11 Drew And we've enjoyed the granola bars more that way.

50:14 Adam You do? You do, you get a hankering farm. Whereas if you just, you know, Suit the wire. Pile drove them out in the first hour.

50:20 Caller You're saying that we can't come back next week?

50:23 Adam Thank you, Vince. Because that was uncomfortable. And I'm glad you read through that.

50:26 Caller Next month?

50:27 Adam No.

50:28 Caller I want to talk about that iceberg thing a little bit more.

50:30 Adam We gotta tow that iceberg. I would, you know what I just like, here's what I'd like to do. I would like to spread it out. And you know, when news gets slow, stuff just gets picked up on the wire, goes like a flapjacks, right? I'm just saying, I want to be known as the guy who's gonna tow the iceberg.

50:47 Cake Well, you're gonna be it.

50:48 Adam Adam Carolla, towing the iceberg.

50:50 Caller You might be saving the earth by doing that.

50:52 Cake And there's plenty of huge icebergs out there, as long as you can get a boat that's big enough to pull.

50:57 Adam Right. And I'd like it to be shrouded in mystery. They're gonna go, why are you towing? I got my reasons. That's my answer. Don't worry about it. You'll know soon enough. Oh yes, soon enough. And I repeat and then I wring my hands.

51:09 Drew I laugh like a maniac.

51:10 Adam I laugh like a maniac. Yeah, I'm just saying someone needs to tow an iceberg. Someone's been talking about it for a million years and no one has ever done it.

51:18 Cake We'll do a concert from the top of your iceberg. We'll do like a webcast or something like that.

51:25 Adam That would be awesome. Huge. That would be awesome.

51:27 Cake We'd have to wear those little gloves with the fingers, you can get your fingers through.

51:32 Adam Yes, you could play the guitar.

51:33 Drew It's like Russian peasants.

51:34 Cake Yeah.

51:35 Adam Yeah. All right, we'll take a question for the band, by the way. Aaron?

51:41 Hey, what up?

51:42 Adam What up, big Cake fan?

51:44 Yo, Cake, Cake. Wow, this is crazy.

51:48 Cake Yeah, that's what people say.

51:49 Caller Aaron has a question for us? Mm-hmm.

51:52 Yeah, no offense, Dr. Drew and Adam. Oh.

51:56 Caller We'll handle this.

51:57 Adam They'll take it, go ahead.

51:59 I'm just an ultimate Cake fan, and I guess I kinda, I don't know, it's just a weird thing to be a fan of a band called Cake.

52:06 Cake Yeah, it's humiliating, isn't it?

52:08 Drew I think for Aaron, you've insulted everyone in the room.

52:10 Caller Yeah.

52:11 Drew So why don't you get on with your question.

52:12 Caller You don't have to tell anyone about it.

52:16 Anyway, now I'm trying to get to the show on Tuesday, and the second I heard about it, went to go buy them on the internet, couldn't do it.

52:25 Adam At the Roxy. You tell them about it at the Roxy?

52:27 Drew Tomorrow?

52:29 Adam Tuesday.

52:29 Drew Tuesday. Yeah.

52:30 Caller I was hoping he'd ask how I was able to let go of some of my hangups and stuff like that.

52:35 Cake Yeah, but he didn't. So you want to still get you into the show for free?

52:40 Drew I love when people want to beg for a favor. They open with a bunch of insults. No offense, you guys, but I don't have any place for you. Cake, it's weird to be a fan of a band called Cake. I don't know what would possess me to do that, but anyway.

52:53 Adam I think there's a certain sort of 18-year-old male Tourette's that happens when you're trying to pay a compliment.

52:59 Cake Yeah, we're not pissed.

53:00 Adam They're cool. So Aaron. Are you trying to kiss some ass and see if you can get some tickets?

53:05 Yeah, I know Cake has good taste. I mean, I'll ban nakedly on the stage. I'm down for anything.

53:10 Drew Because you like the band.

53:12 Yes, exactly.

53:13 Drew He hadn't quite come out and even said that yet.

53:15 Adam Glad you like the band.

53:16 Oh, by the way, I love the band. I love you and Adam as well.

53:19 Adam Aren't you guys, thank you. Are you gonna be a little post-ass kiss, which is nice. Like he's actually gonna turn the clock back and kiss him in the time machine. He's redeemed himself.

53:31 Hey, Adam, I've been a fan for years, by the way.

53:33 Adam Thanks, buddy.

53:34 Caller Thanks.

53:35 Adam Are you guys doing the Late Late Show on Tuesday, by the way?

53:38 Cake I think so.

53:39 Adam Before the Roxy thing?

53:41 Cake I think we might be. I think they've really got our schedule chock full of excitement.

53:46 Drew Are you doing it Tuesday?

53:46 Adam No, I'm not. I'm hosting on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday this week for the love of Christ. But so, Aaron, you can watch them Tuesday when I'll not be there hosting.

53:56 Caller Actually, I have tickets for the other guy, Jay Leno, but I can't do it because I'm at work.

54:04 Adam OK, but, oh, oh, Cake's going to be doing the Tonight Show, you mean, on Monday?

54:09 Drew Yeah, tomorrow.

54:10 Adam Uh-huh. So tomorrow, oh, you can't go. All right, I'll tell you what you can do, because, look, Cake's not going to give you tickets to the Roxy.

54:18 Drew They don't like you that much. No, it's just they can't.

54:20 Adam Yeah. And what are they going to do, show us your hairy nipples? I mean, you're a dude. You can't get an OK concert. But you can on November 18th go to the Universal Amphitheater. And see Cake. That's a good radio.

54:35 Drew Good radio.

54:36 Adam And here's the thing.

54:37 Drew You get a drop trial.

54:38 Adam You get those tickets tomorrow.

54:41 Cake Yeah, get them now, because it's going to sell out.

54:43 Adam It's going to sell out. So you get them tomorrow and you get good seats. And then you're already in the Amphitheater.

54:47 Drew For the Amphitheater?

54:48 Adam They're on sale.

54:50 Drew We'll log on. Get it right now.

54:52 Adam Darren. Darren. You're 18. I mean, you're 14. Yeah, I am. Hold on. I don't know if I like that kid's attitude.

55:03 Drew I think he was asleep. He's 14.

55:05 Adam Oh, he was? He's been on hold for 62 minutes. All right. Darren.

55:10 Yeah.

55:10 Adam Were you asleep?

55:13 I'm laying it down with the lights out.

55:15 Drew Real quick.

55:16 Real quick.

55:16 Drew What's the deal?

55:18 I have a question for Cake. I was wondering if you guys remember or remember a girl named Allegra Alessandri. I think she went to school with you and knew one of you guys.

55:29 Cake I think she was in my class a long time ago. Why do you ask?

55:34 Yeah. She's one of my teachers and she mentioned you guys when we first went into our class when school started.

55:39 Cake Well, she shouldn't be using our name to try to get points teaching, but tell her I said hello if you talk to her.

55:48 Adam Well, then why can't she use the phone?

55:50 Cake I'm just joking around. She's great. Was she a good teacher? Did she do a good job?

55:55 Adam Yeah.

55:57 Cake Isn't she great? I think she's great.

55:58 Adam Well, is she teaching at the same school she went to high school in?

56:01 Drew John doesn't remember where she is.

56:04 Adam John doesn't know. John said he thinks he got to third base with us. He did say that to me during the break, coincidentally.

56:11 Cake No.

56:13 Adam What does she teach, Darren?

56:16 She teaches actually a lot of classes. We have a block schedule at our school. So she teaches.

56:23 Adam Boring. She teaches a lot of classes. What's a block schedule?

56:26 Drew He was getting to it. It means you go through a series of classes in one block. And then you go to another teacher for another block.

56:33 Adam You go to one class? Oh, and you take like English, math and science?

56:36 Drew Probably English and history or something. Let's see.

56:38 Adam Oh, really? Darren?

56:41 Yeah.

56:41 Adam I'm intrigued now. How's the block schedule work?

56:45 It's really good. We have one class for, I think, a month and then we switch and then, yeah, it's really good.

56:51 Drew And she teaches what classes?

56:55 English. I mean everything.

56:58 Drew All right.

56:59 Adam Is he high or?

57:00 Drew He's 14.

57:01 Adam He just teaches everything. Yeah. You know, back in my day you had a topic that you taught and then there was driver's ed. Like driver's ed was the wild card one. The guy, you could teach biology and teach driver's ed. You could teach PE and teach driver's ed. PE and driver's ed were a good one. Good mixture. Yeah. The same guy. Yeah, I don't know. Some teachers were dedicated. The people that like taught history seem to just teach history, but the PE coaches and the sex ed would always teach driver's ed and vice versa. Yeah. Failed driver's ed, by the way. Mm-hmm.

57:35 Drew Mark of distinction.

57:36 Adam Failed driver's ed, everybody.

57:38 Cake And now you've got a Datsun 510.

57:42 Adam And I'm, you know, literally a millionaire.

57:44 Drew And you raced in the Toyota Grand Prix. Think about that.

57:46 Adam Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Excellent driver. Just failed driver's ed. I taught traffic school later on in life. Remember that? Oh. Oh, true.

57:55 Caller What does it matter? Was it health in driver's ed that you had? Was it the health part that really brought you down?

58:00 Adam No. Just straight driver's ed.

58:03 Drew It is the infinite wisdom of the LA. Unified Schistom that I see just glaring forth here, right?

58:08 Adam Oh.

58:09 Drew The infinite.

58:10 Adam So brutal.

58:10 Drew Yeah.

58:11 Adam Warehousing. Actually, I would have been better off if they physically just took me to a warehouse. At least I could have learned to drive a goddamn forklift. I would have known something about stocking pallets and stuff like that. If it was physically warehoused in a warehouse. I got warehoused in a school. It was no good.

58:27 Drew You'd be speaking Spanish now.

58:28 Adam Oh, my God. I'd know when the lunch truck was coming. It would be a good life. I'd be in a union right now. Amy. I may be in a union. Really? We're in a radio union. We are. Is it really a union when they force you to join it? And then every once in a while, they give you like these newsletters. Hey, we're having an election. It's like, hey, I didn't want to be in this crappy union.

58:54 Cake Yeah, we get those newsletters too.

58:56 Adam Yeah, that'd be good. So once you send some newsletters to the guys at Guantanamo Bay, hey, we're, we're having an election. Now that you guys are here, you should, no, they don't want to be, we don't want to be here. You understand? We were forced here. You forced us to come here. And you pretend like we're all, we're part of the democratic process now. The SAG and AFDRA, they all do the same thing. It's like, hey, basically we blackmail you and then we force you to be here. And oh, by the way, if you say anything bad about the union, everyone's going to freak out. Jason Alexander is going to throw a hissy fit. You know, more of his hair is going to pop out and everyone's going to freak. And then everyone's going to explain to you how lucky you are to be forced into this union. And then furthermore, we're having elections and you need to participate.

59:36 Drew Remember when you started mouthing off about the commercial?

59:38 Adam Oh, never got more crap in my life. You know, the big argument with the union was, well, first off, they would say stuff like, oh, yeah, Adam, you do commercial. So where are you? Listen, here's how commercial works. They offer me money. If it's not enough money, I don't do it. If it seems like, and then I tell them how much I want, and that seems like too much, and then we meet somewhere, and then I do it. It has nothing to do with the unions, number one. But number two, the unions' big argument is, is some of these actors, they only work a couple days out of the year. How are they supposed to support their family for not paying them 50 grand a shot? You know, it's like, how about they get a goddamn job? What do you mean? That's a great gig. Hey, Drew, I want to do radio twice a year. Perfect. How am I supposed to support my family?

1:00:27 Drew Call the union.

1:00:27 Adam I want more money. That's it. I have to squeeze in my yearly earnings into two trips to the station now because I only work twice a year.

1:00:35 Drew Because you said so.

1:00:36 Adam Yeah. You only work twice because it's acting, because you're in a Mountain Dew commercial and you're not doing anything. You need to be overcompensated for nothing. You're not doing anything. Shut your pie hole and get back to work. Go get me. You know what you need to do? Go get me my burger for the fries get cold. Hot to it. Macho now. Please. You're unions. And everyone freaked out because it was during the whole big strike and I was like who cares. You want to be a commercial. First off too, you can't threaten somebody when anyone can do your job like commercial actors. Any, anybody can be a commercial actor. You just got to look. Half the time there's, no, seven eighths of the time there's not dialogue. There really isn't. You're just sitting there eating, eating out of a bucket of chicken. Please. These people only work. These people have to get a job. That's not a job. You going on auditions and getting one out of every 350 is not a job. Yeah, your family should be pissed. Get a job.

1:01:34 Cake I see Adam having a pretty decent career in politics. He could become a demagogue or something.

1:01:40 Adam Start yelling at everybody.

1:01:41 Drew Well, he wants to be a philosopher king.

1:01:44 Caller Yeah.

1:01:45 Cake Who doesn't?

1:01:45 Caller They only work two days out of the year.

1:01:50 Adam All the rich actors are whining about it all the time. They got tons of money and they're whining.

1:01:55 Caller You know, we make a ton of money. I make 150,000 episode, but this guy only works.

1:02:00 Adam Yeah, he doesn't. It's not a job, by the way. It's like complaining that the circus has passed you by or I didn't make it into the NBA or I'm not a professional rock musician. Who am I going to complain to about this? Nobody gets to do this. Of course, when you have a job that requires no talent and you get residuals up the wazoo and you don't have a speaking role, of course, everyone wants to do your job. And of course, anyone can do your job. You have to create an elaborate union to keep other people out. Let's open it up. Let everyone give it a shot. How about that? Extortion. You do two commercials. They just take your checks from you. You do everything. They just extort money from you.

1:02:41 Cake I'll vote for you.

1:02:41 Adam Thank you.

1:02:42 Cake As union president.

1:02:45 Adam It's legal, by the way, that you have to join something. Really break that one down for a second. It's like, yeah, I'd like to do a radio show and get paid. We're getting involved. I don't want to be involved with you. No, no, no. We're getting involved. Don't worry. We'll give you some good dental. I'd rather pay for the dental myself and then save the money that I'm paying. No, no, no. You'll do it our way or you won't work. That's a democratic way, everybody. Oh, no. Be thankful. We're having an election. A chick from the little house in the prairies running for treasurer this year. I got to vote for her. Oh, pressure. Oh, God bless you. I got to get down to the rally.

1:03:19 Cake Don't you want to talk about sex, Adam?

1:03:21 Adam Yeah, you're right.

1:03:22 Drew I'm busy.

1:03:25 Adam I'm busy. That's a great idea. Amy?

1:03:28 Yeah.

1:03:29 Adam Twenty four?

1:03:31 I am.

1:03:31 Adam What's up?

1:03:33 I was calling actually about my uncle who has decided that it's a good idea to take showers with his two preteen children.

1:03:41 Drew How old are they?

1:03:42 Um, one's twelve. He's a boy. And the other is eight.

1:03:46 Caller Boy and girl.

1:03:50 A girl.

1:03:50 Drew Where's mom with all this? Auntie.

1:03:56 Sorry, what was that?

1:03:57 Drew Where's your aunt with all this?

1:03:59 They're separated. She lost custody of them and he is currently trying to get custody of them.

1:04:05 Adam To lose custody of your kids to a guy who wants to shower with them. It's like you have to try to blow one of them up with an M-80 or something, right? You have to actually have to film you putting an M-80 up the ass of your kid.

1:04:18 Drew What's wrong with your aunt?

1:04:19 She is into drugs and all sorts of crazy stuff.

1:04:24 Drew And dad, uncle must be also.

1:04:28 He's not into drugs, but he has some emotional problems.

1:04:31 Drew Evidently. Well, is there anybody supervising the contact with the kids?

1:04:36 Well, he is currently living with his mother.

1:04:39 Adam The showering uncle?

1:04:43 Yes. So she's the one who's brought this pretty much to the entire family's attention.

1:04:49 Drew Great. Well, then it's time to do something about it.

1:04:51 Adam Well, what happens when she says, his mother says, hey, you know, maybe you shouldn't be taking a shower with the kids?

1:04:57 He just basically says that it's what they've been doing their entire lives and that she's just a pervert.

1:05:06 Drew Well, you know, it's an interesting point that you hate to have government involving themselves in these relationships. This guy's doing something that may be essentially innocent, but I will tell you the fact is it has a potential and significant adverse effect on the kids. So as such might not be a bad idea to sort of put him on notice that somebody's going to find out about this if he doesn't keep better boundaries in the home. That's it. And then if he doesn't, it's probably a sign of more serious stuff and you might as well get the authorities involved. If he can't adjust, if he was unwilling to adjust, it means something.

1:05:45 Adam Amy, it's time for you to start getting out of that family. Yeah. Start constructing an elaborate ruse about being royalty and whatever country you're from and all that kind of stuff because you're way past this family. This is a horrible group.

1:06:00 Drew You done with school?

1:06:02 No, I'm still in school.

1:06:03 Drew Where?

1:06:04 Adam Uh-uh. Junior college?

1:06:07 Drew Oh, 24.

1:06:08 Adam Oh, baby.

1:06:10 I had a baby, so.

1:06:11 Adam Uh-uh. Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

1:06:16 Drew And what's the plan? Are you going to go to university or?

1:06:22 Adam That's good. That's what you got to do. You go to nursing school.

1:06:26 Drew Get an RN, okay?

1:06:28 Adam All right. That's the only as, the only acceptable students in junior college are nursing students and folks that come from other countries that just are trying to get their sort of bearings straight. White people who aren't involved with nursing should not be allowed at junior college. You understand?

1:06:43 Drew Especially the males.

1:06:44 Adam They go there. It's a graveyard for white people who don't want to study. That's just mothballing. They just, they just, they just mothball people over there. What year are you in? I'm in year 21. Where's the hacky? Two year program.

1:06:59 Drew Great. Where's the hacky sack?

1:07:00 Adam Yeah. I'd like to go down to LA. Valley College, find out the average age of the student over there.

1:07:04 Drew Some of the people might still be there that you saw many years ago.

1:07:07 Adam I probably, when I was on academic probation over there probably.

1:07:11 Drew Same name, same list.

1:07:12 Adam I think my mom's still going there.

1:07:14 Drew Yeah, but she's a scholar there. Emeritus.

1:07:17 Caller Drew, what do you think is the cutoff age for taking a bath or showers with your children?

1:07:23 Drew It's a really interesting question. I think people could debate the point. I don't know what the absolute age is.

1:07:31 Caller It's a judgment call. It depends on...

1:07:33 Drew I think after you get over six.

1:07:35 Adam Six.

1:07:36 Caller I was thinking six.

1:07:37 Adam I think you want to err young. You know what I mean?

1:07:40 Cake I was thinking five.

1:07:41 Caller Five. Five, yeah.

1:07:45 Adam It seems about right.

1:07:46 Drew You don't want to be uptight around kids or shaming, but you want to have boundaries. You want to understand where their body begins, where yours begins, where parents behave, where kids behave.

1:07:56 Caller And when they're starting to be aware of things and all that.

1:08:00 Drew Even at any point, you might want to maintain a boundary and not ever do this.

1:08:03 Cake I mean some people could argue that that shouldn't be the case. Give them the feeling that nudity is scary and weird.

1:08:10 Drew That's the point. You don't want to do that at the same time. Shame.

1:08:12 Adam I agree.

1:08:12 Drew That's the point.

1:08:13 Caller You're saying at the right time, you've got to give them the feeling that nudity is scary.

1:08:16 Cake At the right time, you've got to give them the idea that nudity is scary.

1:08:18 Adam Yeah, of course. I whiz in the shower, so I worry about a five year old.

1:08:23 Drew Yeah, drinking that in.

1:08:24 Adam Detach retina.

1:08:26 Drew It is sterile.

1:08:27 Adam It's what I keep telling myself, but my wife really, she would beg to differ. She really would.

1:08:33 Cake Tell your wife that the Prime Minister of India used to drink a glass of his own urine every day, lived to be like 89 years old. The Greeks used to do it.

1:08:43 Adam Oh, hold on, I'm writing. I'm writing this down.

1:08:46 Cake Tell your wife not to worry about it.

1:08:48 Adam You know John from Cake? Sorta. Well, in regards to urine, it's going to be great. The Prime Minister of India, I'm going to screw it up though somehow. The Prime Minister of India used to eat his own poo. He'd make a pinch pot out of his own poo and then fill it with urine and then eat it.

1:09:08 Drew What were they trying to do with that? What was their purpose?

1:09:10 Cake It's actually a really old therapy.

1:09:13 Drew For what?

1:09:15 Cake Well, it was supposed to be sort of like an elixir. That's the way the Greeks saw it. There's a lot of people that, you know, I've never done it and I don't think I ever could.

1:09:27 Drew What was it supposed to do? What was the? Because it's just a bunch of urea. That's all it is.

1:09:32 Cake Well, they think that gives you a second chance at your vitamins or something like that or your antibodies.

1:09:39 Adam They weren't, you know, they were primitive. I mean, they weren't primitive, but it was a long time ago. Then, you know, then they have access.

1:09:46 Drew They knew better than we didn't need modern medicine. We screwed everything up since then.

1:09:50 Cake Come on, this wasn't very long ago. This was in India, like in the last, you know.

1:09:54 Adam Well, like in India, they're taking a crap in the street over there. I mean, we can't make a cows running wild or duking in the street. Please, we can't go to them for anything. Although the Indian food is tasty. I got to say that. We'll take a little break. Cake is in the studio tonight. We got a nice lesbian question coming up. Told mom she's freaked. I don't know how to take it well. Oh, Krista's. Let me talk to her for a second. Krista?

1:10:19 Yeah.

1:10:20 Adam You're 15?

1:10:21 Caller Yeah.

1:10:21 Adam You're lesbian?

1:10:23 Caller Yeah.

1:10:23 Adam Not bisexual, lesbian. And you told your mom?

1:10:28 Caller Yeah.

1:10:28 Adam Shrewd. Hold on. Smart. Always good to make the sexual proclamations in front of your parents when you got another three, four years under the roof with them. Smart. I remember when I came in and announced to the world I beat off. Remember that? Thanksgiving. Well, they didn't hear you the first two times. Yeah. I had to do a thing where I tapped my glass on the silver.

1:10:49 Caller And then you had three years to gut it out after that?

1:10:52 Adam I had to gut it out for three years. Yeah. But you have to. You have to declare a major.

1:10:57 Drew His grandmother in Florida goes, Adam's going to talk about masturbating again.

1:11:00 Adam Shh. Dr. Drew is here. Cake is here. We'll take a quick break. We'll come back with Krista, 15 Lesbo, after this.

1:11:13 Caller And you get addicted to aspirin.

1:11:18 Loveline is brought to you by the new movie Alfie starring Jude Law in theaters everywhere October 22nd.

1:11:24 Adam Adam Carolla for Axe. Hey, everybody, Loveline and I, man. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Vincent DeFure is here tonight, along with John McCrae from Cake. And the CD is called Pressure Chief. We will, oh no, wait. Wait, did we hear our second song? No, we didn't, did we?

1:11:52 Drew Let's do that.

1:11:53 Adam Well, we gotta take a call.

1:11:55 Drew Then we're gonna hear it. Then the song.

1:11:56 Adam That's right. Krista.

1:11:58 Drew Yeah, I wonder about the lesbian.

1:11:59 Adam 15. 15. So, you told your mom you're a lesbian.

1:12:05 Caller Yeah.

1:12:05 Adam Why?

1:12:07 Caller Well, I kind of felt like I had to. Why? Well, she really, really wants me to go out with this guy down the street. And, well, I'm not into guys anymore. And so.

1:12:21 Drew Hang on, we'll give you, it's an interesting situation where the mom's pushing.

1:12:25 Adam Did they really? You know, I thought this out of, you know, movie short 50s.

1:12:29 Caller Well, I went out with the guy in the past.

1:12:31 Drew Same guy?

1:12:32 Caller No.

1:12:34 Adam Same guy? You went out with the guy who your mom's pushing for?

1:12:39 Caller And now, and then we broke up and my mom still likes him or wants me to go out with him.

1:12:44 Adam Your mom must be a single mom.

1:12:46 Caller No, but she's been divorced and remarried.

1:12:50 Adam So you have a stepfather?

1:12:52 Caller Yeah.

1:12:53 Adam How do you do with him? How do you like him?

1:12:57 Caller I don't.

1:12:58 Adam You don't? What if there's a woman alive that likes your stepfather? My sister hated my stepdad and the guy never spoke one word to anybody ever. I never heard the guy talk.

1:13:08 Drew Certainly not if the stepdad shows up in the late child, early teen years and no, no, no.

1:13:13 Adam Yeah.

1:13:14 Drew Crystal, I'm just picking up a little bit of pot, Krista, no? Smoke a little pot?

1:13:19 Adam Me?

1:13:20 Drew Yeah. No.

1:13:23 Adam No?

1:13:23 Caller Never even tried it, actually.

1:13:25 Adam Really?

1:13:25 Drew I thought I heard that pot there.

1:13:26 Adam It was Squaresville, baby. Hey, so, so Krista, so you told your mom because she was pressuring you to get back together with your old boyfriend who she liked, but you don't.

1:13:37 Drew And you blurted out, I'm gay.

1:13:39 Caller Well, I didn't blurt it out, but yeah.

1:13:42 Adam You told her, yeah. And have you been with a woman?

1:13:46 Caller I'm about to be, I'm gonna ask her out on Wednesday.

1:13:49 Drew Well, here's the deal. You've been brutalized by your stepdad and a great way to get back at him.

1:13:53 Adam Well, how do you know she's been brutalized? Was your stepdad abusive?

1:13:57 Caller No.

1:13:58 Drew Why do you hate him so much?

1:14:05 Cake Well, smart aleck's not that big of a crime. Yeah, maybe.

1:14:08 Drew I always use words like brutal, but it's been, your mom has brought something very unpleasant into your life and a great way to get back at her is just to give her something right between the eyes about your sexual orientation or something that normal 15 year olds don't talk to their parents about.

1:14:19 Adam No, obviously there's an agenda here, whether you're aware of it or not. We have not, and this shows, in the nine years that I've been on this show, I've never spoken to someone under 20 who decided it was a good idea. I'll make it under 22, who decided it was a good idea to clue their parents in on their sexuality, didn't have a little bit of an ax to grind with them. A little bit. Or a major ax to grind, which is look, you drive dad out, whether dad left or not, whatever, that's the perception. You bring in this world class a-hole, and now it's payback time. Oh, you want me to date the neighbor kid? I'm a lesbian. And here's the funny thing is, 85% of the time they announce they're a lesbian, they haven't even gone down on a chick yet.

1:15:03 Drew They've not been with a woman yet. They're planning to be a lesbian.

1:15:05 Adam We're all lesbians by using their lesbian yardstick.

1:15:09 Drew Right.

1:15:09 Adam Well, I gotta get one of those.

1:15:11 Drew A lesbian yardstick? What would that look like?

1:15:13 Adam I don't know, it's like flannel. It's maybe a little longer in a yard. Maybe it's like a meter. I think it's a little bigger. I don't know. I have to work on that. It's probably metric on the other side. You know, you flip it over. I think so. Yeah, I don't know. And I think it's got one of those metal edges on it for drawing a straight line. For sure. Yeah, straight edge. Yeah, for sure. For sure. And a hole in it so you can hang it in your garage.

1:15:42 Cake That's what's happening. What's the problem here, though, really?

1:15:44 Adam I don't know.

1:15:45 Cake Is her mom upset or something?

1:15:47 Adam Yeah, and her mom's upset now. She wants to know what to do.

1:15:49 Caller All right.

1:15:49 Cake There's nothing to do.

1:15:51 Adam Krista, build a time machine. Go back to the time when you weren't trying to piss her off.

1:15:55 Caller You need, well, see, okay. The thing is that she asked me to go to homecoming with her.

1:16:02 Drew This new girl.

1:16:03 Adam The new girl?

1:16:04 Caller Yes.

1:16:06 Drew As a couple.

1:16:06 Caller And so I couldn't tell my, well, this guy was gonna ask me to homecoming and I didn't tell him no because I don't want to go with the guy to homecoming. And then she asked me and I said, okay. And my mom goes, so he going to homecoming with.

1:16:22 Adam Well, just so you're going with a friend of yours.

1:16:24 Drew Or you could go with the guy and then hook up with your girlfriend.

1:16:26 Adam No, you don't. Look, first, I, you know, high school at 15, you don't need dates to everything. You can go with your friend.

1:16:33 Cake Well, she's already told her mom, so.

1:16:36 Adam So your mom's PO'd. What are you gonna do? Unfortunately, you gotta live under that roof for a few more years with her. Yeah. All right. Well, there you go. I don't know if there's anything you can do.

1:16:47 Drew If you are, one of the reasons we're not sort of zeroing in on her sexual orientation is she's not really clear what she is. She was dating guys, now she's girls. Very common.

1:16:54 Adam Sure, she's into girls.

1:16:56 Drew And now she's into girls, but maybe not for long. If you really are lesbian, then you might want to take advantage. I mean, lesbian, gay and lesbians, youth support groups in your community, they're usually around. But I'm not clear that you are that. You seem to be just sort of all over the place right now. And just sort of, it's okay to be all over the place, but don't sort of commit yourself just because you got to make your parents angry. Or just because, except that was an a-hole. Just kind of stay open to what the possibilities are when you declare a major crime.

1:17:22 Adam Here's the whole thing, Chris, that too. You're never really going to get the lesbian horse back into the barn. It's out. It's out and with another lesbian horse. But what I'm saying is, I'd like to see that.

1:17:36 Drew Is that like a lesbian yardstick or unicorns or their horses?

1:17:39 Adam Raping the other lesbian horse with a lesbian yardstick. But here's the thing, Chris, here's what you can do. Get your grades good, go off to college, and don't give the stink eye to your stepdad when he asks you to pass the pork chops. And that's about it. I mean, people want to, and she's not going to do it because she's PO and whatever, but people want to undo stuff and you can't really undo stuff, but what you can do is from this day forward kind of thing. Like, your boss could bust you and see you trying to steal a copier and get pissed off or whatever. And it's like, how do I undo it? Well, you can't undo it. You could be a great employee for the next year though. That would certainly help. People tend to forget about stuff like that when you bring home a report card with a bunch of A's on it. A lot of stuff goes away.

1:18:25 Caller They can just sidestep this issue for a while. There's so many other things aside from sexuality when you're 15 years old.

1:18:32 Adam Yeah. Don't discuss the sexuality anymore. Stop giving the stepdad the stink eye and get the grades up.

1:18:38 Cake Are you into sports?

1:18:41 Adam Well, she's kind of a lesbian. Christina?

1:18:44 Cake Maybe get really into sports and sell sports or?

1:18:47 Adam Not into sports?

1:18:49 Caller Yeah.

1:18:49 Adam You're not a lesbian. You're not in sports. You've never been with a chick. Come on.

1:18:53 Caller Kind of a lesbian.

1:18:55 Caller Maybe it's really important to her, but she doesn't need to have it be an issue with her mother right now. And her mother is probably willing to forget that she even said anything.

1:19:03 Adam Have a talk with your mom. How about talking to your mom and just telling her, look, how you resent. Give your mom a chance to give her side of the story. She'll tell you what an a-hole biological dad was. Yes. She'll realize it wasn't all her fault. Fifteen-year-old girls when daddy's gone and stepdad forget about it. My sister walked around with a puss on from like 12 to 37. Just a perpetual puss on like couldn't stand dad, couldn't stand. I mean, rightfully so. Everyone is an idiot.

1:19:32 Drew But I mean, you sort of picked up after 37 on her behalf.

1:19:35 Adam Yeah, no, I got the puss on. Yeah, I got carried the puss on torch. But the point is, is a 15-year-old chick's angry at mom, disaster. You know, stepdad's thing is like, look, I didn't rape you. I never done nothing to you. I bought you a bike when you're five. Now I got to get the stink eye all day. It's a horrible situation. Everyone's just angry at everybody. Have a talk with your mom. See what you can do. Here's the thing about women, too. And I'm getting a warning here, guys. Women's sexuality is like, it was like that Arabian Nights cartoon back then. Size of a lesbian. You know, it can take on any shape. Like us, like as a guy, we can't threaten you with anything.

1:20:18 Caller Well, I'm going to my room and I'm beating off.

1:20:20 Adam I'm thinking about chicks. But a woman can go like, oh, you screw with me? All right. I'm going lesbian. Size of a lesbian. They just go lesbian. Oh, they'll whatever. I'm bi. I'm bi. Size of a bisexual. I'm into whatever. Oh, I'll go pull a train in the locker room. Size of a slut. I'll do whatever I have to do so don't F with a chick. Like you got a teenage daughter. Don't F with her. It's like a teenage chick will be like, oh, what are you, you're a little bit racist, you don't like black guys. Lucius, come here. I'll just have sex with the first black guy I ever met. Whatever. Don't F with me. Guys, we have no power.

1:21:02 Drew Maybe this is why men are so fearful of women's sexuality. They perceive this power. Historically, men have been very fearful of women's sexuality.

1:21:09 Adam And they should be. I mean, it's really the same as if a chick busts her man cheating and wants vengeance, wants payback, can do it that afternoon.

1:21:20 Drew It's more like bewitched.

1:21:23 Adam They got the sparkless guy, the poor man, gardener, whatever. It can be paid back.

1:21:28 Cake It's always had to be a service worker.

1:21:30 Drew That's the most available.

1:21:31 Adam No. Whoever's coming to the house.

1:21:32 Drew The quickest available.

1:21:33 Adam I was going to say mailman, but you know, pit helmet and the knee socks. I'm not so sure.

1:21:37 Drew Usually women these days.

1:21:38 Adam Yeah, and a lot of women be on that. Whatever it takes, they'll pay you back. Don't screw with your teenage daughter. That's the moral of the story.

1:21:47 Cake It almost shows something else though that the sexuality is maybe of secondary concern.

1:21:55 Adam For women, I just think it's not nearly as carved into their concrete as it is for us. We just couldn't do it and they certainly can. Alright, let's hear a cake song. Can we hear a cake song? Please. Off the new Pressure Chief CD, cute up there, Chris. This one is called Wheels.

1:22:16 Wheels.

1:25:40 Adam Cake in Studio. Alright, nothing better than Cake. Smart guys, about the same age, and haven't been totally destroyed by drugs, so we can actually talk about things that happened before last week. The new CD is called Pressure Chief. We'll take a quick break. I'll be back with John and Vincent after this.

1:26:01 Thank you for calling Loveline.

1:26:03 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

1:26:06 2800-LOVE-191.

1:26:15 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Forget about that phone number. Later in the week, Bonnie Somerville, new star of NYPD Blue, is going to be in here, and then Puddle the Muddle will be in here, and we will be taking calls from Iraq. And I think it's like, it'll be like 11 a.m. in the morning, the following day or something. I don't know. It'll be a much different time than it is now, and we'll actually be taking calls from Iraq. I'll have a little faith that's going to work out.

1:26:44 Cake Are people having sex in Iraq right now?

1:26:47 Drew We're going to find out.

1:26:48 Adam No. I'm going with no.

1:26:50 Drew I'm going with yes.

1:26:51 Adam I think they're having, who? Who's having sex?

1:26:55 Drew No, the people.

1:26:56 Adam Yeah, but they only have their own to choose from.

1:27:00 Drew But let me tell you. You think they're mixing with the Iraqis?

1:27:01 Adam Well, let me tell you something. Back in the day, you know, World War II, probably the heyday, you know, you go to France, you go to England, you go to Germany, you get yourself some nice local tale. You know what I'm saying? Here, it's tough because you got to choose the enlisted chicks. I got to be honest. I went to high school, I saw a few of them.

1:27:21 Caller They're in Saddam's palace with his great porn collection.

1:27:25 Adam Oh, really?

1:27:25 Cake I think that's what I heard.

1:27:27 Drew We have a good porn collection?

1:27:29 Caller I'm making that up.

1:27:30 Adam I would imagine you could afford something better and better. That's what I'm saying. All right, I've become a snob now. I got DVD on porn. I can't go back anymore. I can't go back to NAMPCR.

1:27:41 Cake In World War II, the average American soldier, this is the greatest generation, right? The average American soldier over in Europe in World War II had sex with 25 women per year.

1:27:53 Adam Really?

1:27:54 Cake Just average. So there are dudes that were like...

1:27:56 Adam Really? How do you know this?

1:27:58 Cake This is the greatest generation.

1:27:59 Drew How did they record that?

1:28:00 Caller Is that in the Tom Brokaw book?

1:28:02 Drew I'm so proud of that.

1:28:02 Cake How do you know that? Oh, it's just a statistic. The Almanac? I read this somewhere. I read it.

1:28:09 Drew That seems like a hard thing to document.

1:28:13 Cake They counted. Yeah, they did interviews with the greatest generation.

1:28:18 Drew Yeah.

1:28:19 Cake All right.

1:28:20 Drew You mean the guys that survived that are here now, they had to look back and talk about it?

1:28:23 Cake Yeah, apparently.

1:28:24 Adam Yeah. Well, I mean, Andy Rooney was quite the c*** that banged the bejesus out of just about everyone in Germany back in the mid-40s.

1:28:35 Cake The phrase that the English had was overfed, over sex and over here. They were pissed.

1:28:40 Adam Yeah.

1:28:41 Cake They were pissed. Leave our women alone.

1:28:43 Adam Cry me a river, Lyme. I'm trying to do less save your ass. Ryan? You want to know where the band Cake got their name? Yeah.

1:28:53 Caller I had a couple of questions.

1:28:55 Adam They don't like that. Bands don't like it when you ask them where they got their name.

1:28:58 Caller One's for you, Adam.

1:28:59 Adam All right. Go ahead.

1:29:01 Cake Where'd you get your name?

1:29:05 Caller Oh, good. Yeah.

1:29:07 Caller All right.

1:29:09 Caller First of all, I wanted to know if they like pie or cake better.

1:29:12 Adam What do you guys like?

1:29:16 Cake We, we use the word cake, thinking that it means a verb, not a noun. So it's not even about baked goods.

1:29:23 Drew To cake.

1:29:23 Cake For us. Yeah. Like mud on your shoe, d*** on your pant leg.

1:29:28 Drew Oh, I'm sure the S word is what you can use.

1:29:30 Adam Oh, so that means like things would be, makeup would be, Tammy Faye Baker's makeup would be caked on. Yeah. Interesting.

1:29:37 Cake We weren't thinking about bakeries.

1:29:41 Adam And is that true? Really?

1:29:42 Cake I actually don't like cake.

1:29:45 Adam I find pie far superior.

1:29:47 Cake I mean, too. Not into it.

1:29:49 Adam Let me say this. Let me say this. All you naysayers. And look, I hate it when you retards trying to make a point because it's the same point everyone makes when they're doing this. Like you go, look, here's what I say. I say, take, take an equal pine and equal cake. People like the pie better. Like you got, you got a $7 pie and you got a $7 cake. Everyone wants the pie. And they go, yeah, but what about one of those really nice German chocolate cakes that's like $50 and it's got the raspberry layers and then your pie is just one of those ones you get out of the, the, the bakery thrift shop over, over at the store. Yeah. Yeah. Of course that one's better.

1:30:29 Cake I'll spend $27 on the pie and then, right.

1:30:33 Adam No, this is, this people make their, they make their argument. I don't know who teaches people. I mean, they go like this, like we go, like you go, look, look, all things being equal. I think a kid should have a mother and a father. I think that that would suit the child the best as a society. Oh, so you're, you're saying you, instead of a rich, loving gay couple, they, you think they'd be better off with an alcoholic, a verbally abusive, a sodomizing, a white slavery, a devil worshiping, heterosexual couple. Is that what you're, no, that's not, not what I said at all. That's what you said when you were trying to make your retarded exaggerated point. Same with the cake thing, which is cake. Here's the deal. Here's all you need to know about the difference between cake and pie. We haven't gotten into this in a long time, Drew. I insist on pies at my birthday celebrations. Drew, you know, played your cards right. You'd be invited to one of them.

1:31:27 Drew And I've seen it. I've seen the aftermath with the pie tins licked clean.

1:31:31 Adam Let me tell you something about pie. You have to shoo people away from the pie table. When I put the pies out, it's always like someone starts hovering around. Not yet. Not yet with the pie. Cake. Here's what happens with cake. First off, it's a birthday cake. How old are we, everybody? I'm 40 years old now. I still get that crappy white sheet cake that people make where they take the pink lettering and they write it on top with the sugar frosting. And it's like, I don't want this crap. At least pull out some lemon cake or something. If you're going to do something, maybe a carrot cake. Who the hell? I went to a party four days ago with Kimbell. Someone had a birthday party. Somebody whipped up a cake. What was it? White cake, sheet cake, white frosting, sheet cake. Yeah. And sheet is not, it's more the Spanish pronunciation of sheet, not sheet like is in any sheet music. You know what I'm saying? That's where it got its name. Yes. Yes. Like no sheet cake. That's my policy. The thing is, it's horrible, lard filled crap.

1:32:30 Cake And everybody just eats their ice cream and then they, you know what I mean?

1:32:34 Drew That's what I did. That cake is sold to them.

1:32:36 Cake That's my childhood memory is eating some of the ice cream, but not being able to finish the cake.

1:32:40 Adam Maybe putting a finger into the frosting. Yeah, here's how it works. And this is all you need to know about cake and pie. The pie, you put it out, it gets devoured. It's like a piranhas jumping on it. The cake, you got that poor broad is in charge of distribution. She takes the plastic, she takes the little plastic serving plates and she walks around and she bothers people at the party. Here you go. Take the thing. I'm good. I'm good. I'm doing the carb thing. I'm doing the Ankin thing. I'm just going to set it down on the arm of the sofa. I'm going to walk. I'll just set it down here. I'll walk away if you want. And then later on, someone puts a cigarette out and you've got to go collect it. And that's cake, everyone. Pie, devoured. By the way, you don't see half eaten pieces of pie at a party. You see the half eaten cake. Oh, just the finger, the frosting out, the guy just picked the raspberry out of the center. He just ate around the whatever. Pie, it's not like, oh, there's half a piece. You never, close your eyes. You don't know what half a piece of pie looks like.

1:33:35 Caller Yeah, pie is like food. Cake is like a decoration.

1:33:40 Adam That's right.

1:33:41 Caller With a shell to keep it together so you can pick it up.

1:33:45 Adam I'm so glad we're on the same, ironically, on the same page here.

1:33:50 Drew Ironically, a band called Cake is on the same page as you.

1:34:01 Adam I was so, you know, Dickie from the Boston said these guys are in the pie tasters from and I was like, I was praying that that band would break because I love the idea there's a band called the pie.

1:34:11 Caller And they'd be like, we're talking about the mathematics symbol.

1:34:15 Adam It disappoints me. All right, we're gonna take a little break. Cake is here tonight. There's Dickie. Take a quick break. Be right back. All right, guys.

1:34:25 Here's the deal.

1:34:27 Stick a waste in time with the wrong person. Call the Dateline.

1:34:30 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:34:32 1-877-889.

1:34:40 Call Loveline.

1:34:56 Adam All right, that's it. Where did the show go?

1:35:00 Drew Good times.

1:35:01 Adam I'll tell you, so bearable with Cake, you know? Usually come in here, it's a chore, staring at Drew all night, giving each other a stink eye. But now?

1:35:09 Drew To sail through.

1:35:09 Adam Cake comes in, sail right through. God bless you, Vincent.

1:35:13 Drew And happy with the discussion about pie, Adam.

1:35:15 Adam Yeah.

1:35:16 Drew It really been good to you tonight.

1:35:17 Adam Pressure Chief, naming the new CD out on Tuesday. It is consistently strong, just like everything that comes out of cake. Alright, and catch them over at the Universal Amphitheater on the 18th of November. Tonight's show coming up for Monday. And then all over the place. So keep your eyes open for Cake, guys. Always a pleasure.

1:35:40 Caller Thank you. It's fabulous to be here.

1:35:42 Adam Until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:47 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station.

1:35:59 The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, October 3, 2004