Episode 1000648983248

0:57 Voiceover Online is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Sexually oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:10 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:14 Voiceover Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician. Yeah, everybody. Boston, the band Boston was going to be in here tonight. Which I was looking forward to because I grew up a big Boston fan. But they missed their flight.

1:43 Drew Is it a they or a he?

1:44 Adam It's a he. Well, I think when he goes out on stage, it becomes a they. But maybe in the recording studio it's a he. I don't know the whole thing. I don't know the whole story. But he missed his flight and Boston will not be in the house. So we'll have to get along without Boston. Did you watch the debates?

2:04 Drew No. I did not watch the debates. I was reading about it online and I could not believe I missed them.

2:11 Adam Did you see the debates, buddy?

2:13 Some of it, yes.

2:14 Adam Oh, really?

2:15 Drew What did you learn?

2:15 I'll tell you what he learned.

2:18 Drew What I read, it was the usual platitudes.

2:20 He told me what he learned.

2:21 Adam He actually, Chris just watches the commercials when he watches boring stuff and he learned that Jack has brought back the 99 cent taco, too. That's what he told me. And he, by the way, said he's for it.

2:35 Drew For the taco?

2:36 Adam For the taco.

2:36 Drew He's gonna get his vote.

2:38 Adam That's what he told me. You know what I think? There's all the rules and regulations and all that crap. By the way, first off, it's crazy. If you go back, I was looking at some old footage of old debates. They're on folding chairs with a TV table in between them. There was a time, by the way, when no one knew what to do because TV was new. And so it's like, well, we're having a debate. We're gonna put on TV. Well, hang a sheet up, put a fern there, and to get out some folding chairs.

3:06 Drew It was basically radio. It was radio with pictures.

3:09 Adam It was radio. We could see what the person looked like essentially doing radio. Yeah. There was that. I was looking at the Best of stuff. There was Bernard Shaw when he was doing the commentator or the moderator.

3:23 Drew He was good.

3:25 Adam Oh boy, was he good. First off, he looks like one of the Black Thunderbirds.

3:32 Drew In Captain America, what's the new movie that...

3:35 Adam Mantan Tray's movie. He looks like Super Marionation is what's powering his joints. I swear to Christ, the guy looks like he's made of clay. Black guys don't go south that way too often, but when they do, they crush. His first question, I was watching as best if people forgot about it, I was watching over Kimmel's. His first question to Dukakis, who's against the death penalty, right out of the gate. No hyperbole here, no exaggeration. Mr. Dukakis, if Kitty Dukakis was raped and killed, would you be for that? You gotta work the rape in? Can't you say killed? Talking death penalty. Well, I'm not against it. Oh, he raped her. And by the way, it doesn't always have to be raped and killed. No, it can be killed and raped. That's my thing. That's my order. That's the direction I go. You know, I'm like the Hebrew, you know, I read right to left.

4:39 Drew Yes, yes.

4:40 Adam You know what I'm saying?

4:40 Drew Yes, you must have the cold flesh.

4:42 Adam So that was fantastic. And then, you know, of course, there's all the famous stuff where, you know, Nixon and Kennedy and Nixon didn't want to wear makeup and all this stuff. And Kennedy, one thing I learned about, it looks graceful, Drew, and you do it this way too. And I actually made fun of you for many years because Drew crosses his legs like a chick, which is he places one knee directly on top of the other knee, which is, if you have genitalia, can be difficult.

5:11 Drew Unless you go for the fruit bowl.

5:14 Adam Oh, nice. But don't you have to reach down and pull the horn of plenty up?

5:22 Drew Or it can go...

5:23 Adam It goes in? It goes down? It tucks? Oh, no, Drew. I find it difficult just from a... I'm not that limber, but I have to sort of work a little bit.

5:35 Drew I know. My hips are crazy. Look at this.

5:37 Adam You know what it feels like? Oh, my God.

5:39 Oh, what?

5:41 Adam Oh, my God. Drew's blowing himself. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Drew. I can't believe you showed me that. I got to believe you didn't want me to talk about it on the radio.

5:51 Drew Lacks hips.

5:52 Adam Lacks hips. Yeah. So anyway, Kennedy crosses his legs like a chick or like Drew who crosses like a chick. I think here's what I think they ought to do with these debates. So there are all kinds of rules and regulations.

6:04 Drew Who did the moderating tonight? Larry King or?

6:07 Adam No, Jim. Jim Laird did it. You know, all these things about temperature and lighting and podium height. And by the way, I think it's a slippery slope to let these guys start calling a bunch of shots. You know, I got to see what the questions are. I got to have my own personal temperature. I got to have my own podium height. I got lighting I want to do. Like, no, no. This is debate. You know what I mean? It's like saying, OK, we're going to have a boxing match. We're going to try to find out who the toughest guy. OK, well, no, no, no, not so fast. Here's the size of the ring. Here's I don't want him doing any. No, no, no uppercuts. I'm not good at those. Like, no, no, no. We're trying to figure out who's the toughest. You guys both just come in and let's get in the cage and go at it. I don't want to see who can prepare the best.

6:56 Drew Well, that's why I read I read some of the stuff that was that went on and I thought like I've not heard this before. Really? Not heard any of this? Yeah. All before.

7:03 Adam Yeah. A lot a lot of canned platitudes.

7:06 Drew Yeah.

7:06 Adam So here's what I think they ought to do.

7:09 Drew I think I have a wrestling match.

7:11 Adam I know. No, I know nothing about debate and I never took a speech and debate class.

7:17 Drew Shocking. LA Unified?

7:19 Adam I know. No, I know.

7:21 Drew You're the only one. You're the only one.

7:24 Adam That would have been my argument for everything. But here's the thing. I think they should have, instead of going back and forth about foreign policy and seniors getting medication and that kind of garbage, they just pick a topic like who's the dreamiest.

7:41 Caller Dreamy or bewitched?

7:43 Adam Yeah, who's hotter? Who's hotter, Angelina Jolie or Gwyneth Paltrow? Go. I want to see a guy can make a point. And, you know, not a prepared point, but a point off the cuff. And then, after you go out of row, we switch.

8:00 Drew You have to take the other opinion.

8:01 Adam You've made the big argument for Angelina Jolie.

8:03 Drew It's basically, by the way, how they do it in debating competitions. And it's the kind of thing, yeah.

8:08 Well, it makes sense.

8:10 Adam If you're a great debater, you should be able to argue this side and that side.

8:15 Drew But in today's world, great debaters are funny.

8:19 Adam Oh, really? Yeah. Sense of humor.

8:21 Drew So that doesn't factor into this crew very well.

8:24 Adam No.

8:24 Drew No.

8:25 Adam Not a goddamn joke between the two of them.

8:27 Drew Was there a smile?

8:28 Adam Oh, my God.

8:29 Caller George W got a couple of laughs.

8:30 Adam I've seen more animated jack-o-lanterns. I mean, it's just not a puss, not a crack, not a raised eyebrow.

8:38 Caller George got a couple of laughs.

8:40 Adam Oh, did he?

8:40 Caller Yeah, he got a couple of chuckles.

8:42 Drew So, Anderson, you have an opinion about the debate?

8:44 Caller Yeah, I enjoyed watching it because it's really fun to watch George get, like, stumble, and he'll just get stuck for, like, a good eight count, and he can't think of what to say, and it's uncomfortable, and I get nervous for the guy, but then it starts getting funny again.

8:56 Drew Do you know that people, when they study sociologically, people, if I understand this literature right, they prefer to see somebody stumble and struggle and sort of pull for them than to have somebody who's completely polished?

9:08 Adam Oh, really? But there's gotta be a limit.

9:10 Caller Neither one was polished, and they kept referring to Osama as Saddam and back and forth.

9:14 Adam Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, that was constantly... And then Bush, Bush just goes like, I disagree with my opponent. We pulled our troops out of... Yeah, I mean, just big old gaps. Just big old chunking gaps.

9:36 Drew Sending a seizure or something. Yeah. I wonder if this job is too big for one person.

9:40 Adam Hit them with some smelling salt. Yeah, maybe everyone's brain is swelling inside their skull. Maybe it's a two man job.

9:49 Drew Huh?

9:50 Adam And Drew? Me and you, buddy.

9:52 Drew Bring it on.

9:53 Adam Yeah. Me, you and Chris. Me and engineer Chris.

9:56 Drew Chris can be secretary of state.

10:00 Adam Come on. I nominated you just now. Can you get a little warm up on the job? All right. Let's rock and roll here. So Anderson, who do you think won? And or is it what it always is, which is whoever's voting for Kerry is going to argue why Kerry was so much more impressive and whoever's voting for Bush is going to say, well, OK, the guy's not doesn't have the spit and polish over here, but he's a doer.

10:24 Caller Well, I was I was watching the I think it was NBC and they went to like six undecided people afterwards and asked them who they thought won and they they all said Kerry, all six of them. I think Kerry probably won.

10:37 Adam Probably. Yeah. And I didn't watch the whole thing. And I think it was assumed that he would win.

10:42 Drew But how do you win these debates? By the way, just look better. I think you can just lose.

10:46 Adam Yeah, the other guy loses. The other guy stammers a little too much. That guy looks a little too shifty. It just doesn't look as relaxed as you. You seem to be a little more in command and in control.

10:57 Drew And that's how in the old days, Lincoln Douglas debates, the winner made the best point. They won the argument.

11:04 Adam Yeah, they don't seem. No, this doesn't seem to work that way. Well, the other thing too is, correct me if I'm wrong, nobody really gets to call anyone out on anything. It's like, OK, you have 30 seconds to make your point. You have 90 seconds to make your point. Nobody, you know, what really needs to happen is, you know, Bush needs to go, well, I sent troops to Iraq because I believe they're... What do you mean? You believed. You had no credible evidence that there was weapons of mass destruction over there. That's what you need. You need an argument, essentially. This is a tennis match where a guy gets to take his best shot, then the other guy stops the ball and holds it for a few minutes and then he gets to attempt his best shot. No, you gotta return his volley. Yes? Yes. No. I mean, yes. Carrie?

11:54 Yeah?

11:55 Adam I think you won tonight.

11:57 What?

11:58 Adam You're 21. How'd you like the debate?

12:02 Caller Quite a lot different than the debate that happened earlier, but...

12:05 Adam Oh, Carrie, you're high, baby.

12:09 Caller Sorry. Yeah.

12:11 Adam What do you got going on?

12:12 Caller I think I'm 40 over the phone. I'm just 21. All right.

12:16 Adam Do a lot of drugs?

12:17 Caller No. I've never smoked or anything.

12:21 Adam You never smoked? What about drinking?

12:24 Caller What about what?

12:25 Adam Alcohol.

12:26 Caller No.

12:27 Adam No?

12:27 Caller No, I'm pretty straight as far as that. All right. My question is I have bipolar and I've had quite a bit of sex and I'm not with a single partner. And I was wondering if I'm having sex a lot because of my bipolar or if it's sex addiction, which I don't think it is, or other factors that I have low self-esteem because I do kind of have low self-esteem.

12:59 Drew Alright, so are you manic when you're having all these sexual relationships?

13:03 Caller I'm not sure. Because it's not like I go on a spree and I hunt people down. That very rarely happens, but it has happened.

13:10 Drew Only occasionally. I'll get a bounty. It's Saturday. Ball bounty. And are you a trauma survivor?

13:17 Caller No.

13:18 Drew Okay, so usually sexual addiction is in the setting of trauma survivorship.

13:22 Caller Yeah, that's what I thought.

13:23 Drew Yeah, and you're probably more in the manic range with all this, right?

13:28 Caller And that's what I'm thinking. But I'm not sure because I'm not always manic when I do it. Like sometimes I do it with somebody and I'm not that thrilled about it. It's really weird.

13:39 Adam Yeah. Do you you seeing a psychiatrist?

13:42 Caller Yeah, I'm seeing a psychiatrist right now. And I asked him about it today, actually. And he just was like, well, you're trying to fulfill some empty void.

13:56 Adam I think psychiatrists wear those quarterback wristbands. Now we're looking inside.

14:00 Drew You're a 20 year old bipolar chick acting out sexually.

14:04 Adam You're trying to fill a void. You're blaming, stop blaming your parents.

14:08 Drew Take care of like a robot.

14:11 Adam Yeah. I'd like a little. I like one of those quarterback cheat sheets.

14:14 Drew For life.

14:14 Adam Yeah, just life.

14:15 Drew Algorithm.

14:16 Adam Guy cuts you off. You take a look. Okay, douche bag. Look down at the thing. It's good. You know, there's male, there's female. Right, right. You know what I mean? And then there are ones that work both ways.

14:28 Drew Oh.

14:29 Adam A-hole might be like a unisex one. It's a little more dude. Douche bag's a guy, ironically.

14:35 Drew Strangely.

14:35 Adam Yeah. Eerily. Okay. I don't know what's up with Carrie.

14:40 Drew Carrie, there may be more here than meets the eye. Maybe you have some character logic, some emotional, some character problems in addition to your bipolarity. Because these post-traumatic stress disorder, borderline and bipolar do tend to kind of go together. And people with borderline disorders do act out sexually an awful lot. It's just a way of thinking about it is a means to try to regulate your feelings. As your doctor said, filling the void. Well, it's a way of sort of just trying to feel okay. And sex is something that our culture, people use that way.

15:07 Adam Robert?

15:08 Caller Yeah.

15:08 Adam You're 18? What's up?

15:12 Caller Hello.

15:13 Adam I'm very tired of Robert. Let's talk to Emily. I'll get back with you, Robert. I just don't totally believe him. Emily? You're 21? You have regular sex with your boyfriend, making only orgasm through anal. Uh-huh. Wow. Uh-huh. All righty. And how often do you engage in the anal sex? And that's where you find your orgasm?

15:43 Drew That's the only time? Orally. During oral sex.

15:50 Adam Oh. All right.

15:52 Drew What was God's plan?

15:53 Adam I don't know what God's plan was. Wait, for the anal?

15:56 Drew You only have orgasm with anal sex with this young lady.

15:58 Adam I don't think God had an anal plan.

16:01 Drew He clearly wired her up that way.

16:03 Adam Well, here's the thing about God. Once in a while, one gets away. You know what I mean? You ever see those fishing shows? One shows big net comes up, pulls all the tuna on board. The shark. One goes flopping out. It falls off onto the deck. People aren't paying attention to it. That's the anal fish. Anal fish. That's a great song. All right. Emily, you should have anuses, right?

16:27 Drew Yeah. Well, not anuses.

16:29 Adam I want to get to the bottom of squirrel crap.

16:32 Drew Okay.

16:33 Adam How come we never see squirrel crap?

16:36 Drew Crack? Crack. It gets pellets, right?

16:41 Adam You know what? Nobody knows, my friend.

16:43 Drew Well, here we have squirrels and rabbits in our backyards, and my dogs roll in it.

16:48 Adam They roll.

16:48 Drew They dig their nose into it. In a fecal matter? And then they roll on it.

16:52 Adam That's got to be the rabbit crap, though.

16:55 Drew It's clearly the rabbit crap. And the squirrel wouldn't be mixed in there?

16:57 Adam Here's all I'm saying. I'm just saying this about a squirrel. There are millions of squirrels. I run over five on the way to work every day. I got them all over my property. They're up in the tree all the time.

17:08 Drew No crap on you.

17:09 Adam No, bird crap everywhere.

17:11 Drew Yes.

17:11 Adam Bird crap. I got sunglasses with bird crap on it. I have flatware with bird crap on it. Decorative knives open up the case. It's velvet lines. Big bird turd in there. I got bird crap in saline solution. I have it inside of child proof medication. When I pop open the foil on a piece of Aspergums, bird crap.

17:33 Drew Right there.

17:34 Adam In, inside. Bird crap everywhere. My dog actually has bird crap in it and makes bird crap.

17:42 Drew Because the bird gets the crap.

17:44 Adam It's weird. It craps into my dog. The point is, there's bird crap spread out all over every rock, every windshield, everywhere. Well, there's squirrels everywhere. They're running around the trees all the time. They never stop running. I see them all over. First off, never see a squirrel taking a duke.

17:59 Drew Never.

17:59 Adam Where's the squirrel? The squirrel doesn't duke? What's the squirrel doing? Does it dig a hole and duke?

18:05 Drew Maybe it's kind of a liquid poo.

18:06 Well, that's what I'm thinking.

18:08 Adam But the bird crap is kind of a liquid poo and you see it on your windshield.

18:12 Drew Yeah, but that's like Oreo.

18:13 Adam I got an interesting thought. Maybe the squirrel poo and the bird poo is the same.

18:19 Drew Same thing.

18:19 Adam And what we...

18:20 Drew Aha! But we think it's bird poo.

18:24 Adam Yes. You come down to your car, you see the... You call. Yes.

18:29 Drew You call it.

18:31 Adam And you curse the birds. You say, oh, there must have been a bird on a branch above this, above my car.

18:37 Drew Why are there so many squirrels?

18:38 Adam Would it be the birds sitting there or might it be our friendly neighborhood squirrel that's duking up your windshield? Think about it. But when you ever see a squirrel taking a duke, you see them running all over the place.

18:50 Drew Well, you don't really see birds taking craps either. Not really. You don't notice it because they just sort of...

18:54 Adam Because they don't have to like pump their wing or do anything differently. They just, they just go. They're not like people. Yeah, no guy you would know if he flew by and took a crap in your car, you would be well. You'd see the sports page flapping in the wind, belt jingling around the ankles. I'm just saying, who has seen a squirrel take a duke?

19:15 Drew We're looking for that caller.

19:16 Adam I want, I want to talk to that man or woman tonight.

19:19 Drew Maybe a zoologist or a zookeeper or something like that.

19:21 Adam And yes, they, they are, you know, they're vermin.

19:24 Drew Pet shop owner.

19:25 Adam And all vermin do comes out like pellets pretty much.

19:29 Drew Oh, yeah. Like the rats and the rabbits and stuff.

19:31 Adam Mice, rats, rabbits, all, all the vermin family. Yes. And it all comes out in the same little pellet. Where, where's the squirrel crap?

19:39 Drew Maybe the, maybe the rat crap was squirrel crap. Maybe the things we think of rat crap are actually squirrel crap.

19:45 Adam I know, but then.

19:45 Drew Do you ever see a rat take a crap?

19:47 No, you know, rat, rats.

19:48 Drew I've never seen them do anything, though.

19:50 Adam No, they run in the crap. They do it under the cloak of darkness. All right. Look, somebody tell us if they've seen a squirrel taking a crap and what it looks like. That's all. That's all I want to. And then do they take a whiz? They must. What about all the squirrels in the road when you're driving and they get hit with the lights and they freak out and run? No crap, no whiz. Perfect time. You're going to get run over.

20:15 Drew Crap yourself.

20:15 Adam Time to evacuate. No. Nobody's seen it.

20:20 Drew Speaking of that.

20:20 Adam Emily.

20:21 Drew Thank you, Emily, for triggering that discussion. Yeah.

20:24 I've actually seen a squirrel crap.

20:26 Adam Oh, you have?

20:27 Uh-huh.

20:28 Adam Where?

20:29 I was at school and it was running up the tree and I walked over to it because I was like, oh, it's a cute squirrel. And then just this little brown rat looking pellet dropped out from underneath it and I can only assume that that was it.

20:43 Adam So it dropped a pellet?

20:46 Drew Underneath it.

20:47 Adam So it duked out a pellet like a rabbit?

20:52 Yeah, like a rabbit.

20:53 Drew A cat pellet, is that what you said? Rat pellet. Rat pellet. Okay, Emily, here's the deal. Are you multi-orgasmic?

21:02 Caller Sometimes.

21:04 Drew Just during the anal?

21:06 Caller Well, when I jack off, too.

21:08 Adam Right.

21:09 Drew Do girls jack off?

21:10 Adam I don't know.

21:10 Caller I'm actually very uncomfortable to even say that.

21:12 Adam I get the heebie-jeebies whenever the girls go jack off or they go, the guy was giving me great head. So, he's like, don't call it head. Come on. That's weird now. You know what I mean? Call it something. But I don't like that. I don't like when the chicks do the head.

21:31 Drew We got to analyze this. The jack off thing. I mean, the jacking implies a certain motion, right?

21:36 Adam It really does. If anyone's ever seen a bottle jack, they know there's a jacking.

21:41 Drew There's an up and down movement.

21:43 Adam Or even a scissor jack or even a floor jack.

21:46 Drew And I believe that there's a jack hammer.

21:50 Adam No. All right.

21:52 Drew I believe that's the reference.

21:55 Adam The jack hammer.

21:56 Drew No, the jacking is a... I want to look this up for the break.

21:59 Caller As far as head goes, guys, that used to really piss me off too and I was confused. But then it occurred to me that it's the giver's head that they're talking about, right?

22:11 Adam Not the head of the penis, but the head of the person.

22:14 Caller Right, the head and the crotch.

22:15 Adam Yeah, I know, I know.

22:17 Drew Genius. Diabolical genius.

22:19 Adam Listen, Anderson may be right, even so, it gives me the willies.

22:24 Drew It doesn't... Yeah.

22:25 Adam I don't like to hear about chicks getting head.

22:27 Drew No. It sounds too crass.

22:30 Adam There's something wrong with it.

22:31 Drew Yes.

22:32 Adam Alright, so, point is...

22:34 Drew You know what? That's an area that's sort of already kind of scary and confusing and needs to be approached with great delicacy and caution.

22:42 Adam Yeah.

22:42 Drew Give me head sounds.

22:44 Adam No, it needs something more appetizing like, you gave me a flaunting.

22:48 Drew Yeah.

22:49 Adam Or a pudding lick or something like that. You know what I mean? It's nice when you can... Because, yeah, the head part, it's tough enough territory down there.

22:59 Drew Yeah.

22:59 Adam Okay. Alright.

23:00 Drew But we're not done with her, are we?

23:02 Adam No, we're not. Emily?

23:07 Caller Yeah, I was wondering if that's normal or like, I mean, does that happen to everybody?

23:13 Drew No, it does not happen to everybody. A lot of people don't like it at all. I have found that women that are able to orgasm with anal sex generally are those that are already sort of multi-orgasmic. And for whatever reason, it sounds like you need a lot of stimulation in order to orgasm. And that makes me believe that maybe, again, you might be sort of a trauma survivor. Somebody physically abused you or something growing up, hit you? A lot or just? Not a lot. Well, it might have something to do with that. It might not. Maybe it's just how you're wired. But that tends to be part of the picture.

23:47 Adam Well, good times, though, you know. It takes all kinds. It's a business. Don't kid yourself.

23:52 Drew You're fine.

23:54 Adam You're fine. That's just you. That's how you are. Stop questioning. I don't know why, listen, women, and there's those crappy magazines that Drew gets angry at you for reading. But everyone wants to question everything regarding their sexuality. However you're wired up, that's how you're wired up. That's you.

24:13 Drew It's like the same as your body weight and body style and all kinds of stuff.

24:17 Adam That's just you. You're cool. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we're going to talk to what Eve, who's attracted to 15, she's 15. She's attracted to 30 and 40 year old guys. No, no, no, I'm just saying, you know what, I'm I'm we talk to these chicks like they're attracted to these guys. And then once we bring them out, it's like, oh, well, I just talked to some guys once. I want them to have, you know, stuff. Eve? You're 15? Have you ever had a what is the oldest person you've ever had a physical encounter with?

24:56 Caller 39.

24:58 Adam 39. That's good. See, Drew? Good radio there. Good. She's about to say no to you. I ask her, Jet Saks, you're ruining the break. We'll take a, although I may have just done it. We'll talk to Eve, 15, had a physical encounter and it's all creepy because the guy's 39. I don't care what base they got to.

25:17 Drew More than two and a half times her age.

25:18 Adam We'll take a quick break. Wait a minute. Yeah. More than two and a half times. We'll be right back after this.

25:25 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

25:27 Caller Call Loveline.

25:28 Drew Call Loveline. Call Loveline.

25:34 Caller Call Loveline. Call Loveline. Call Loveline. Call Loveline. Call Loveline.

25:48 Adam Call Loveline. Call Loveline. Call Loveline. Call Loveline. Call Loveline. Call Loveline.

25:57 Call Loveline.

25:58 Adam Call Loveline. Call Loveline. Call Loveline. Call Loveline. Yeah, buddy, it's the Loveline of Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. But then it was a long time before they were in, before that. And that leaves the impression they haven't seen them in a long time. Yeah. I was talking to, yeah, I think the Cake Chris. Not in the past year. No. I was talking to Junior, Junior Producer, Lauren, during the break about winning the football pool out here at the Mother Station, KROQ.

26:35 Drew Took her skill, skill.

26:36 Adam Yeah, 15 people entered and or was it 30 people that entered. Five bucks a piece, she won 150 bucks. She told me her strategy, which is going online and figuring out which uniforms were the prettiest. And this is why you cannot gamble. You understand everybody? Do you understand that we get, we're mocked this way, actually going online to see what are the prettiest uniforms. And then using strategy like, well, a raven would be darker than a dolphin. So I like the darker team. So I'm taking the ravens.

27:10 Drew She likes the cuter teams.

27:11 Adam And the cuter teams. No, no, she took the ravens.

27:14 Drew She took the ravens over the dolphins?

27:15 Adam I don't even know they're playing.

27:16 Caller Pittsburgh over Miami.

27:17 Drew She liked the uniforms better, they're prettier.

27:19 Caller She picked Pittsburgh because that was just there.

27:20 Drew She said, I think what we're saying here is basically you ought to, when you gamble, use that strategy.

27:25 Adam Or no strategy or her strategy, which is no strategy. It's all a coin toss. That's the thing. Now, the thing that's attractive about gambling is you thinking you know what you're doing and you have some control over it. I mean, that's my favorite part is the whole part where it's like, well, McNabb doesn't play well on turf, okay? And if you take a look back and you get 20-minute explanations about why so-and-so is going to win the game and flip a coin. Let's flip a coin and leave your money. That's all because Lauren's going to win.

28:02 Drew Well, and she knows how to pick the cute uniform.

28:03 Adam There's some sort of law that says that Ditsy's chick in the office has to walk with the money. The more you know about ball, the less if old coach Pop Warner was here, would come in last every single time. It never worked. It's the same with the stock market, by the way. Once in a while, they get an order to pick against some guy down on Wall Street and the order wins. Let's just face it, everybody. I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe kill yourself.

28:33 Drew You can't control your environment.

28:34 Adam That's right. Eve? Fifteen.

28:38 Caller Yeah.

28:39 Adam So you're attracted to older guys?

28:44 Caller They'll be like around 40.

28:47 Adam You've had a physical encounter with a guy who is 39.

28:51 Caller I did with one of them. Yeah, it got to that.

28:54 Drew What does that mean, physical encounter?

29:01 Adam Oral on each other?

29:07 Drew Report that guy to the police. She's in Culver City.

29:12 Adam And by the way, she's not going to do it, but let me say this. I don't know why there's something even creepier and more diabolical about a 39-year-old that performs the oral on the 15-year-old.

29:22 Caller Well, okay. I actually didn't mean to say it. I did oral on him and he kind of, he didn't do oral on me, but he like fingered me and stuff like that.

29:33 Drew I feel much better about it now.

29:34 Caller Much better.

29:35 Adam Sir Walter Roll.

29:35 Drew Yeah, oh my gosh.

29:36 Adam Fantastic. Damn over this weekend. All right. So, and then who was this guy? Where'd you meet him?

29:43 Caller Well, he was a friend of like my stepdad and they kind of met somewhere. And then he started hanging out with me, like kind of just as like an older brother. And my parents knew and it was just like, you know, he'd take me to like, oh, like at the concert or something.

29:57 Drew Oh my gosh.

29:58 Adam I had luck.

29:58 Caller And then we kind of flirted a lot. And then one day we were at his house and we were flirting all the time, but it was always like, oh God, this is forbidden. Are you joking? And then one day he just kind of kissed me and it kind of went from there.

30:10 Drew Is he, what are you doing, drugs with him or something?

30:12 Caller No, not at all. I mean, it was always like, I knew that he felt that way, but I never thought he would actually act on it. And then one day he did, I was like, oh my God. And at first I was like, no, no, no, we can't. Like, what are you, like, we really can't. And he was like, oh, it's fine.

30:26 Drew First of all, it's sort of the beauty of guys.

30:28 Adam Yeah, well, and by the way, listen, parents, you can't let your hot 15 year olds hang out with your 30 something.

30:35 Drew It just proves to me that guys are capable of it. Women should not be surprised by anything men do. Why are you surprised? Is they capable of anything?

30:41 Adam No. All right, and how come you didn't have sex with him?

30:48 Caller Well, I don't know. We just didn't go there. And I kind of ended it.

30:53 Drew Did you stop him from doing that?

30:56 Caller No, he didn't push that at all.

30:58 Drew He just didn't go that way.

30:59 Adam Well, by the way, hold on, let me explain something. The BJ is the great diverter of sexual momentum.

31:05 Drew Oh, absolutely.

31:06 Adam It's like, not for you, Drew, because you're a man of exquisite passion that, the BJ, which is normally like a tank obstacle, like what was on the beaches of Normandy for me, like, I'm gonna give it to you. All right, let's get you back in those jeans. Drop you off, get you back home.

31:29 Drew What do they call those turrets in the beach in Normandy?

31:32 But they have pillbox.

31:33 Adam Yeah, but not Drew. Drew plow right through a BJ, plow right through that BJ and get to the good stuff. A guy, this is what happened though. The guy was diverted by the BJ.

31:46 Drew Well, that may have been the best, that may be what he wants though, too. I mean, some guys just want that.

31:51 Adam Yeah.

31:51 Drew That's where it stops. And this guy, who knows what this guy's into.

31:55 Adam Right, all right.

31:57 Drew All right.

31:58 Adam Yeah. All right. We don't like this guy. He's a criminal. Do you see him anymore?

32:08 Caller And I don't, I don't really know what to do.

32:10 Drew I just, I got an idea. Tell your stepdad.

32:14 Caller Oh, he's out of the picture now.

32:16 Drew Tell your mom.

32:20 Adam Well, she's not going to, how often do you see this guy? How often do you see him?

32:24 Caller Um, maybe once every two weeks.

32:29 Adam Why? He comes over to visit?

32:31 Caller Uh, yeah, he comes over and we just, I mean, nobody thinks that there's anything going on.

32:36 Adam I know. Does he, does he want more physical contact when he comes over?

32:40 Caller Um, sometimes when we go back, yeah, like, he doesn't always push it, but sometimes it doesn't go there at all, and then sometimes it does. Like, it's, it's always different. And I'm kind of scared to tell somebody because I think, you know, I don't know, well, he belongs in jail.

32:55 Adam Here's the thing. He's a criminal and you're a victim. And you've done nothing wrong, even though I know you feel like you're 15 going on 50 and right.

33:06 Drew You feel like you caused this thing to happen, forced into anything.

33:09 Adam You're still in the eyes of the law. You're a child and a minor and you're not copable for this. All right. And, and then, and then secondly, what's, what's the big rush? I mean, is there something?

33:25 Caller Like it's, people say, why don't you just go for guys with your own age? But it's, I'm never attracted.

33:31 Drew Well, but you're asking what set this up?

33:33 Adam I'm right now, I'm saying, oh, okay, that too. But just forget about guys for 10 minutes. Why, why do you have to prove your worth with how men view you? Why not just do something at school and, you know, make some friends?

33:46 Drew Well, I totally agree with that advice. I want to stand back for a minute and play devil's advocate for a second. Well, no, no, it's just for Adam, he was a second. But you know how women and men at that age are motivated differently?

33:56 Adam Yes.

33:56 Drew And women seem to need to get from men some sort of reinforcement and some sort of attention and, you know, sense of themselves in the eyes of the guy.

34:04 Adam Yes.

34:04 Drew A guy is equally as driven, maybe differently driven, but powerfully driven just to have sex with these girls.

34:10 Adam Right.

34:10 Drew Just tell the girl to just, okay, don't be, you know, stay away from guys. The same thing is saying that to a guy at that age, which was like telling them to, you know what I mean, like open them up.

34:19 Adam I know it's a powerful impulse, but I mean, there are women and plenty of them who are able to compartmentalize their lives. Like when they got their studies and they got their family and they got their boyfriend.

34:31 Drew Women are better able to do healthy things than men, just generally.

34:35 Adam They do.

34:36 Drew Once they make the effort at it.

34:37 Adam It's like they're more limber and their mind's a little more limber and they're able, you know, women are the ones who say, by the way, when you're both 16 and you're trying to get it on, on a Sunday night, they're the one who goes, no, I have to study, no, no, you can't come over, you know, yet we.

34:54 Drew But that's the sex part once they already get the attention. They're not interested in that, right, to cut them off from the attention from the male.

35:02 Adam I'm just saying that many women who did not get attention from their daddies, who have absentee fathers, look at all men as their father, society as their father, and their hobby, their vocation, their avocation, their muse, everything is about who's attracted to them. And here's what they do. Their life becomes about going to school and shaking their ass, not shaking a book. Then they go home and they go shopping, then they sit around with their friends and they push their cuticles around, and they try on more clothes, and they try on more makeup, and then they read some magazines and get some tips on sex and how to please your man and how to flatten your abs, and then they go back out and attract more men. And it becomes an entire lifestyle. You have essentially a 15-year-old prostitute living under your roof, which is her entire life revolves around seduction and being attractive to men. Guys don't do that. Guys go play football, then they go get laid, then they go home and work on their model airplane and then they do it all over again. You know what I'm saying?

36:06 Drew Yeah, that's right. I mean, I was thinking about the male chimpanzees who engage in very aggressive physical expressions in front of females.

36:14 Adam Right.

36:15 Drew That's what the guys are doing.

36:16 Adam Yeah. All right. So Eve has to... Eve, no more with this guy. That's it with him. Okay. And you really should turn the guy in. But I'll leave that up to you because I know it's a tougher decision than I can make for you on the radio.

36:33 Drew And take some time, like Adam's saying, just no guys.

36:36 Adam You're smart, Eve. I can hear that you're mature. And you're smart. You're not a dummy. Why don't you focus on school a little bit, focus on your friends a little bit.

36:47 Drew Lots of older guys at college.

36:48 Adam Oh, Professors Galore. And then, then...

36:51 Caller Adam, I just want to let you know what you're saying about the dad thing. I can totally relate to that. It's like everyone's dad kind of thing, but some of them are more sexual. It's kind of weird.

37:02 Drew Well, you know what's interesting is the one that would be most abandoning would be the most sexual to you, because those things that are highly traumatic in childhood or terrorizing become the sources of attraction in adulthood or adolescence.

37:16 Adam Let's talk to Melissa's 23, Melissa.

37:20 Hi.

37:21 Adam What's up, baby doll?

37:22 Caller I have a question about soma.

37:25 Drew Soma?

37:25 Mm-hmm.

37:26 Caller You talked about this last night.

37:28 Caller Is that the muscle relaxer?

37:29 Drew Yeah. What's that?

37:31 Yeah, the muscle relaxer?

37:32 Drew Yeah.

37:33 I wanted to know if there were any serious long-term effects if I use them recreationally.

37:38 Drew It causes pretty bad addiction. We've been seeing a lot more of that lately, and the withdrawal from soma is horrendous. Oh, really? Yeah. It's converted to a medication that used to be called Miltown or Meprobamate, and that's done, converted by a liver into that. So basically, you're taking the Miltown. And the withdrawal causes intense agitation, sleeplessness, and a disorder in your limbs where you want to like punch and move all the time. It's extremely uncomfortable. It lasts about two weeks. I've had very few people actually make it completely through that withdrawal.

38:10 Adam So don't take the soma unless you need it. But look, Drew, please, you chime in and tell me your story. I'll tell you mine. I don't think I took a prescription drug before the age of 33.

38:24 Drew Maybe.

38:25 Adam That's that. Maybe you.

38:27 Drew Yeah.

38:27 Adam That ain't me.

38:28 Drew Yeah.

38:28 Adam I probably should have several times. I just had no health insurance and whatever. You just rode out the storm. You get, you know, horse kicks in the forehead. You have a festering lesion and you just sort of dump baking soda on it and ride it out. You'd be amazed, by the way, what you can ride out.

38:46 Drew Oh, yeah.

38:46 Adam You know, you think to yourself, oh, how did people survive in the past? Oh, they just rode stuff out. And eventually the body sort of took over and or didn't ride down or they didn't survive. But I've managed to make it through, you know, 30 years of life without taking so much as an aspirin.

39:03 Drew You're a heavyweight, though.

39:03 Adam I am a heavyweight. But all I'm saying is, is I'm just wondering if it's if it's become OK for for, you know, here's the thing. In my day, 19 year olds didn't take anything unless there were some they had some serious problem.

39:21 Drew There wasn't just a battery of I still, by the way, I still have that orientation, which is you don't take a developing person to expose them to chemicals. I'm not talking about drugs. I'm talking about pharmaceutical, anything you do, anything you can not to not to develop it because they're developing and they're yes, there's all kinds of things that can go wrong. I mean, the consequences of a mistake are huge.

39:41 Adam Right. Slow down, everybody. You get yourself a six pack of Mickey's and go to the park.

39:48 Drew I don't know about the Mickey's, but go to the park. Go to the park.

39:51 Adam Yeah. Mickey's stuff. And everyone sit home in a dark room and read by candlelight. Oh, yeah. All right. We'll take ourselves a quick break. When we come back, folks don't approve her six year old boyfriend.

40:05 Drew Get back to Robert.

40:06 Adam Robert. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to check in with the congenial Robert who's in line two. Just check in with him. Robert. Yeah, buddy. Mr. Personality, when we come back. Loveline! I'm Adam Nance. 1-800-LOVE-191. Let me tell you, what a nice feeling, Drew. That was a great feeling. My oven doesn't work.

40:57 Drew That's a great feeling.

40:58 Adam No, I'll tell you what a great feeling is. A great feeling is it's an oven that's, it's a Viking oven. It's expensive. It's way more than everything combined that my family's ever bought. It's less than this oven.

41:12 Drew Way more than the cars.

41:13 Adam Everything combined for life. Food, everything. Okay, here's my point. Bought the thing a year ago. Make it 13 months ago. Had it sit around in the box in my house while I was building it for a year. Then install the thing, work once. Now it doesn't work. Call the company. Guess what? Guess how long the warranty was?

41:36 Drew 12 months.

41:36 Adam It was a year. Yeah. Oh, you bought it in 2003 in August. Yeah, it sat in the box unopened for that time. And then we put it in and it didn't work. Well, warranty's expired. Oh, that's a nice feeling, isn't it? Oh, that's great. Well, you can pay a guy to come out and fix it. There's only a year long warranty. Oh, fantastic. Robert?

41:59 Yeah, I'm here.

42:00 Adam Takes all kinds. All right, buddy. So you want to know, is it okay to watch porn with your girlfriend?

42:05 Well, no, the thing is, is they're like, I watch it, but she don't like me watching it. It's kind of bothers her. I don't know why this does. Like, what the hell, you know? She says she likes it too, but like, I can't watch it because I watch other girls and they turn me on, you know? And she kind of, she don't like the thought of other girls turning me on. It's funny how people turn me on.

42:24 Drew That bothers her. Do you mind her being turned on by the guys in the porn?

42:28 Well, yeah, a little bit. I mean, she says she likes it, but she doesn't watch it that much, you know?

42:33 Drew I think women like watching other women enjoying themselves in the porn more than any other aspect of the porn. It's like the way they'll read the magazines and stuff, too. Ooh, I like seeing them in the spas and enjoying themselves.

42:44 Caller Because I don't think anyone can sit down and watch gay porn. And anyone can watch nothing important, but not gay porn. You know what I mean? Because hardly anyone can watch.

42:52 Drew Speaking of Sir Walter Raleigh.

42:55 Adam Hey, Robert.

42:55 Caller Yeah.

42:56 Adam I'm gonna take a, you work in some sort of warehouse and some proximity of a forklift?

43:03 Caller No.

43:04 Adam What do you do, junior college?

43:06 Caller Well, right now, yeah, I'm going to some burritos.

43:10 Adam Junior college?

43:12 Caller I'm a freshman right now.

43:15 Adam Right now.

43:15 Drew And then next year, when you say right now, you'll be a sophomore.

43:18 Adam No, I'm gonna be a freshman next year. And then you can blow the calendar pages ahead to 2035, freshman. All right there, buddy.

43:28 Drew How many classes?

43:31 Adam How many classes you taking?

43:32 Caller Right now I'm taking like two.

43:33 Two?

43:34 Adam Two.

43:35 Caller Yeah.

43:35 Adam You double the engineer Chris's workload. Okay, listen, Robert. Don't get her pregnant.

43:43 Caller Please. No, no, no.

43:46 Drew Not right now.

43:47 Adam What are you doing? What are you doing to prevent that?

43:49 Caller Well, you see, she wants me to marry, I'm like, all right, we're going to marry, you know, I don't mind.

43:54 Drew No sex? Good.

43:56 Adam No sex.

43:56 Drew Just porn.

43:57 Caller Terrible, terrible.

43:59 Adam Yeah.

44:03 Drew It's gonna go kill somebody.

44:04 Adam He's pent up.

44:05 Caller I have to like go on a catch, be serious.

44:07 Drew This is how men get the motivation to go build a bridge or something.

44:10 Adam This is it.

44:10 Drew So we've lost the edge because of this. Because sex has become too easy for us.

44:14 Adam Yeah, we used to have pyramids and hanging gardens and Machu Picchu and all that kind of stuff. It's all pent up sexual energy. Now that you can just go rent the DVD porn or buy little Spectrevision, no more building. That's it. Here's how it works with guys. Guys are like, you know what? We can tunnel through the bed of the river and come up. All right. I'm not gonna take a nap. I'm gonna relax. I'll think about tunneling tomorrow. Okay, yeah, those were guys who weren't getting laid. Guys who get laid don't build them. They don't build stuff.

44:54 Drew That's our point.

44:55 Adam They do other stuff. It's just stuff that helps get them laid more, but they don't build. All right, so Robert Junior College, shocking. Okay, I'm glad she's not letting you have sex with her, but she's gonna start and then you can't get her pregnant. As far as the porno goes, she doesn't need to know everything.

45:11 Drew Right, it's very, I wouldn't get into watching it with her if it bothers her that you get aroused by this. It's normal that you masturbate, get aroused. Women often don't understand that's a different experience for you than your sexuality with her. It's very, kind of, women's brains don't work like that, so it's hard for them to relate and understand. Shauna?

45:30 Yes.

45:30 Adam Nineteen.

45:31 I'm so happy to be talking to you.

45:33 Adam We're delighted to have you on the show this evening, Shauna. What's your question?

45:37 I don't have hundreds, but you were just talking about a few minutes ago.

45:42 What is the deal with young girls and older women and is it really going on?

45:46 Drew Young girls with older women, older men?

45:50 I mean older men, I'm sorry.

45:52 Adam That's alright.

45:54 Something else on my mind, obviously.

45:56 Adam Alright.

45:57 But I'm 19 and my husband will be 35 in November. And we got married in February.

46:05 Adam Oh, February.

46:07 Drew I didn't know that. It's spicy.

46:09 Adam I'll send you out something. Send her one of them big wooden salad bowls.

46:13 Drew Big tongs, big wooden tongs.

46:15 Adam Huge novelty, wooden tongs. What the hell you got? I would beat the person that gave me that with the tongs and then put the bowl on their head and whack it with a hammer.

46:23 Caller Nobody gave me one of those.

46:25 Adam Okay, good. So yes, you married an older man and what about it?

46:30 Well, I thought it would be great.

46:32 The love of my life, my best friend, buy me everything, give me everything.

46:37 Drew Buy me everything, give me everything. How does she translate from my best friend to buy me everything?

46:41 Adam Yeah, well, my best friend, all I do is buy and give. That's why he's my best friend. You're not going anywhere. Buy and give, give and buy. All right, let's take a, Shana's like a throwback wife. You know what I mean? Yes. Buy me this and get me that, or maybe she's just from another part of the world where that stuff's not fun.

47:00 Drew Interesting, interesting.

47:01 Adam Take a quick break. We'll get back with Shana and her 35-year-old husband after this.

47:05 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

47:12 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

47:20 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:53 Adam Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Cake coming in here Sunday. Nice belch. All right. Had some serious asparagus whiz tonight.

48:10 Drew Oh, I did too. Awesome. I thought that was me.

48:13 Adam Oh, really? Because it's funny, because it's the first time you haven't complained about my asparagus whiz, and I was like, what's up with Dr. Drew?

48:19 Drew I definitely smelled it. I thought I was responsible for it, though. So what am I going to complain about?

48:23 Adam I had that little internal monologue with myself when it's like, Drew always complains about my asparagus whiz. Hmm. Wonder if she's looking at other guys' asparagus whiz. And Drew, you stood right behind me at the urinal. He said nothing.

48:39 Drew Didn't I talk to you for a while?

48:40 Adam And talked, and I was like, what? Drew's not said anything about the asparagus. You ate asparagus and canceled out. It's like farting at the same time. You don't know whose fart you're smelling.

48:49 Drew It's even worse because it smells exactly the same in all cases. Asparagus is a scary, excuse me, medicine P is asparagus P.

48:57 Adam You know what I did tonight too, which again, it doesn't, I don't believe it helps to smell, but visually, from a presentational standpoint, it's strong. I took a multivitamin and ate the asparagus. You really want to-

49:09 Drew Chartreuse.

49:10 Adam Yes, you want to give yourself a treat for the senses. Have yourself a nice bushel of asparagus. Then go ahead and eat a multivitamin and let it brew by an hour or so later. Just sit back and drink it in. Well, it's crazy. It's really just like you just whizz in a little lemonade mix with orange juice and it hit with a black light. And it smells effervescent. All right, you ready to rock here, Drew?

49:38 Drew Yeah.

49:38 Adam Samantha.

49:39 Drew I'd rather talk about old strong ammonia pee for a while.

49:42 Adam We lost our last caller who was having sex with them. They're all one big call to me, Drew.

49:48 Drew I gotta be honest. He was the 35 year old husband, 19 year old.

49:52 Adam Oh yeah, she was buying.

49:52 Drew And we didn't really get the question.

49:54 Adam He was buying her things. Yeah, yeah. But now she's getting bored. He's not buying her stuff.

49:58 Drew We didn't get the question, though. So, what happened?

49:59 Adam All right, Samantha, sticking with our theme tonight. Samantha's 17, having sex with her 56 year old boss. Hello? Hello.

50:12 Caller How are you guys?

50:13 Adam We're doing good. 56 year old boss.

50:16 Yes.

50:17 Drew How could that be? How does that work?

50:22 Caller He can't really buy me whatever I want.

50:24 Drew He's a man who buys you whatever you want.

50:26 Adam Is that what she said?

50:29 Drew And that becomes a reason to have sex with an old guy?

50:34 Caller Well, he's a luch 56.

50:37 Drew Oh, well then, why didn't you say so?

50:39 Adam Yeah, he looks 61. All right, no, I mean, look, you can do that. They're handsome men that are 56, look at Drew. But having sex with him, are you attracted to him or are you attracted to him buying you stuff or both?

50:57 Caller Both, but he has a girlfriend, they've been together for five years, and they haven't had sex for a while.

51:03 Drew Yeah, so he tells you. Right.

51:05 Caller No, it's true, it's true, I believe him.

51:08 Drew How do you, of course, why wouldn't you believe a guy that's a criminal?

51:12 Adam Are you in love with him?

51:14 Caller I might do this guy's four times her age, but. I don't know now, you know, I love him as a person, but I don't know if I'm in love with him. Like, I wanna get married to him, cause I'm gonna live comfortably.

51:26 Drew Yeah, that will never happen. Yeah. That will not happen, Samantha.

51:32 Adam Does he have gray pubes?

51:34 Caller No, they're nice.

51:36 Adam Grecian. I use beard coloring on mine.

51:42 Drew Merck and Grecian?

51:44 Adam Merck and Grecian formula. I use Just For Men, Just For Men's Sack. The new, if you look at the, you look at the cup first, you think you're looking at a beard.

51:54 Drew Peter, it says Just For The Man's Sack.

51:56 Adam Just For The Man's Sack, yeah. Just For Men, that's right. You know, you can always tell there's beard coloring commercials, cause there's like a hot chick at a bar, and a guy who comes up is prematurely gray, cause the guy's like 38, he has a full white beard, looks like the album cover from Kansas, you know? And it's like, huh, why's that guy's beard so white and chalky looking? It's like, I use beard color. Oh, oh, it's one of those commercials. Whenever you can guess what the commercial's for before it is, bad production, by the way. By the way, then he puts a little dinosaur's beard, same hot chick into him now. That's chicks. Chicks, you change your beard color, chicks all over you, yeah?

52:34 Drew Once again, if you sort of put it in a man's perspective, what would make a man switch from off to on?

52:40 Adam Something like that. Samantha. What, so do you work for him?

52:45 Drew Yeah, I'm his secretary.

52:48 Adam What kind of a-

52:49 Drew Is he on the radio? You don't, you don't, you didn't get new personal assistant?

52:53 Adam Not me, is it? How many, how often do you have sex?

53:00 Drew What kind of business is this guy in?

53:02 Caller It's a limousine company.

53:04 Adam Oh, that's great. You know, it's, you know, it's a class move. The guy who has the limousine company, the parks, the six limousines at his house. Yeah. They're all littered all over the street and up the driveway. I don't, I don't. Yeah, I know. They still, they still sometimes, the guys who own the companies have the, have the limos parked there. I don't know what it is about the transportation business, Drew. I don't know what it is about the guys who drive the pickup trucks, the town cars, the limo guys. What is it about limo car, guys who have limo companies that just makes them the scum of the earth?

53:36 Drew What is that?

53:36 Adam There's something about transportation. And let me just say this for a second. When was it decided that all things transportation had to just be the lowest common denominator human beings involved with this? The guys who work at the parking garage, the guys who do the valet parking, the guys at the car wash, the guys at the limo, the limo drivers, the dispatchers, the tow truck guys, everyone in the tow truck.

54:00 Drew Taxi cab drivers.

54:01 Adam Taxi cab guys. Everyone in the tow truck industry is a criminal who's on the take. And, oh, and then forget about the impound lot. That's essentially-

54:12 Drew Or the junk yards.

54:13 Adam Oh, junk yards, the pick apart places, the pick your part places. The guys just sell the alarms and the stereos for the car, the tinting places, the body places. Who decided that all things automobile had to just be run by sort of corrupt foreigners? Of angry, vengeful, spiteful foreigners. And then the white guys are angry too. Who decided this? Every guy used car lots, everything, everything car.

54:44 Drew Except 1% of the guys are like ultra respectable professionals with a British accent. 1% Right, 1% is crazy professional.

54:54 Adam You don't see them out here.

54:55 Drew And wearing white jumpsuits with a tie, the guys you see in Britain.

54:58 Adam Everything, oh yeah, but everything that has to do with an automobile in Southern California. Every gas station is What is that? Owned by some horrible human being who's angry at the world. What is that? And by the way, it's all a different kind of thing. The guys who own the gas stations are just angry. Just give everyone the stink eye through the four inches of Lexan. The limo guys, that's a different, that's a dicey guy. He's a fast talking Salesman Reeks of smells, reeks of aquavelva wears a little too much guy, a little too much, yeah, a little too much jewelry. Ugh. What is it? What is it with that guy? Used car guys are bad, car salesmen are normal.

55:40 Drew All men are bad. That's what it boils down to.

55:42 Adam All men who are attracted to automobiles are. I include myself.

55:46 Drew But we gotta say we're attracted to automobiles.

55:48 Adam I know, but we want nothing to do with selling them, fixing them, parking them or towing them. And the towing guys.

55:54 Drew The parking guys aren't so bad.

55:56 Adam The parking guys are bad because they slide the goddamn seat up into the dashboard. I got to get a running start to get into my car. I had to grease myself with lard, take my strip down to my underpants and dive into my car because the seat is actually pressed against the steering wheel. I have to wedge myself in with a shoe horn to slide the seat back. And don't get me going on those valet guys and the guys at the car wash. And do they make a valet guy over five five? Does one exist? I would love to see like Vlady Devox just pull up one day, just seven footer, hand him the keys. Take the seat slide all the way back through the back of the, past the differential, right out past the back bumper. I got no problem getting to a car with the seats all the way back like that.

56:39 They slide the seat all the way up.

56:41 Drew You can't get in.

56:42 You can't get in and listen all you valet retards out there. If you get my car and you slide the seat all the way in the front, slide it back.

56:50 Drew But it's so difficult now you have to push that number one button that resets the whole thing for you.

56:54 Adam I know, but believe me, this is my, this is the Crimea River Corolla stuff. Oh, first class, you got complaints about the valet? Yeah, cause I paid for it.

57:03 Oh, you got complaints about the valet?

57:05 Adam No, I can't, I drive a small sports car, I can't physically get into the car with the seat all the way up.

57:12 Drew If people were disabusing you for talking about this valet thing, it's gotta be your friends who don't like cars, or your questionably sexually oriented guys who don't like cars, because anybody else can relate strongly to what you're talking about.

57:25 Adam Let me explain the rule, let me explain the first rule of doing FM talk radio or any kind of radio. Don't let anyone think you ever have a penny. Constantly cry poor, that's all you do, or any kind of talk show.

57:37 Drew Because they can relate.

57:38 Adam Yeah, if your letterman say this thing's too expensive even though you make $30 million a year, that's all you gotta do. And don't tell anyone you fly first class, don't tell anyone you drive a nice car, because the audience will hate you if they realize you're being compensated for what you do. Kiss my ass. Samantha? Sorry baby doll.

58:00 Drew So this 56 year old guy, what?

58:03 Caller It's okay, you got to go sometime.

58:04 Adam Yeah, he owns a limo company.

58:08 Drew How do you think your dad would feel about this?

58:12 Caller You know, that's really weird because I was having this conversation with one of my guy friends and he was telling me like, oh, think about how the dad would feel. But I don't think, I don't care.

58:25 Drew You don't think he would care?

58:27 Caller No, I don't think he would care.

58:29 Drew So he's, your dad's an idiot, right?

58:32 Caller Well, no, my dad's a smart man, but you know, I'm a woman, he can't really tell me what to do, I'm about to be 18, so he can't really tell me, like, he doesn't have a say in it.

58:44 Drew Yeah, but whether or not he comes down on you about it is different than him not caring. Yeah, of course. I'm devastated by this, where did I go wrong?

58:50 Adam How would your dad feel about this? And her answer is, I'm gonna be 18 soon.

58:53 Drew Yeah, he can't tell me.

58:54 Adam I'm a woman.

58:55 Drew Right, which by the way, tells me a lot about her relationship with her dad. Yeah. He can't tell me what to do because he used to try to smack the crap out of me to get me to do what I didn't want to do.

59:03 Adam What's your nationality?

59:05 Caller I'm Hispanic.

59:06 Adam All right, and is your dad around?

59:09 Caller Yeah, he's pretty much around.

59:12 Adam Pretty much, and it doesn't sound like you're a huge fan of your father.

59:17 Caller No, nothing. I go to school, I work.

59:22 Adam All right, and does this guy run-

59:24 Drew Whatever, by the way, you just had to ask. The answer would have been no, no.

59:26 Adam I know. Does this guy run his limo company out of his house?

59:30 Caller No, his office is in Beverly Hills.

59:34 Drew Hey, engineer Chris was impressed. Look at that, got a rise out of him. So does he have one of those big Hummer limousines?

59:42 Caller Yeah, we have everything.

59:44 Adam You're not prepared, obviously, to stop having sex with this criminal. So I don't know what we're going to tell you. I can tell you this.

59:52 Caller Why would you say he's a criminal?

59:55 Drew Because he's more than three years your senior and he's having sex with you.

59:58 Adam You're a minor and he's 56.

59:59 Drew It's against the law.

1:00:01 Caller Well, I'm going to be in February.

1:00:03 Drew Yeah, well, 16-year-olds are going to be 18 in two years. It doesn't matter.

1:00:07 Adam Newborns will be 18 in 18 years.

1:00:10 Drew The fact is you are not in a condition. The law is there to protect you because people your age become exploited by guys like this. This guy, in your fantasy, you're going to marry this guy. Never going to happen. And God forbid if you ever were to marry a criminal like this, it would be a very bad experience.

1:00:26 Adam You know, you women don't realize how emotionally flawed a 56-year-old guy has sex with a 17-year-old is. And not to mention he's cheating on his girlfriend. And then worst of all, he owns a limo company. And again, find me a guy who is involved with limousines, it's not just a scumbag. Find me the guy. All right. I hope, you know what? I hope I take one of these guys' limos and I barf in it.

1:00:54 Drew And you do that all the time.

1:00:56 Adam Let me say this about you. Anyone listening who's got a limo company, when did it become a law that the stereo that is up above your head in the console could only be the push button variety?

1:01:08 Drew Right.

1:01:09 Adam So you get in and it's always like, turn the stereo on. All right. You hit, first off, you hit 35 buttons. Nothing happens. Eventually, you hit the one that pops the face off and thing lands in your margarita.

1:01:20 I, what, do you need the one that the face comes off on?

1:01:24 Drew Well, some of it so I might rip it off.

1:01:26 Good. Good riddance.

1:01:28 Adam Yeah. I swear to Christ, every single limo ride works out like this. Turn some music on. All right. I put my finger up and punch around aimlessly at the 157 buttons that are all exactly the same size. None of them are lit and none of them are marked or would denote the power in any way. Then I start turning things and grabbing things. Nothing. Then you turn it on and it's always some horrible music that's way too loud. Now you can't turn it down because there's no knob. Right.

1:01:58 There's more buttons.

1:01:59 Drew Right. With arrows, directionals.

1:02:01 Adam I would like to find the guy who decided to replace the volume knob on a car stereo with a volume button and put my fist up his anus.

1:02:11 I really would.

1:02:12 Adam And then carry him around like he's on a stick for the world to see. Yes. And then I would throw him, I would go down the Okefenokee Swamp in Florida and I would throw him to the gators. That's where I would go. That's how committed I am to taking this man off the earth. So, you're sitting there and you're pushing all the buttons and again the faceplate pops off and lands on your lap. I like to make some rules. When I'm in charge, stereo, first off, stereos and limos will be where you can actually operate them. Not six feet above your head. You won't have to get on a guy's shoulders to try to find it and it's always dark, by the way. And even if you turn all the lights on in the stereo, it's a limo, it's a weird cove up there that's perpetually black. It's a black hole. Time, space, everything disappears. And now you put your hand in there, your hand is gone.

1:02:59 Drew It turns into a skull.

1:03:01 Adam It's a wormhole. It's in a Jurassic period. Your disembodied hand just floating around in Jurassic period and you pull it back, it makes a sound as you pull it back. The point is, is you just turn, there's nothing to turn. It's just push, push, push, people yelling, turn it down. I can't find, pops off again.

1:03:19 Drew It's a horrible feeling just to even think about it.

1:03:21 You know what I'm talking about, right?

1:03:23 Adam Has it ever had one with a knob?

1:03:25 Drew Never.

1:03:25 Adam What is that?

1:03:26 Drew Never, never. Never one with a face that you can read, that light, or with lettering that you can read, or an on button that says on.

1:03:34 Adam Yes. Yes. Yes.

1:03:36 Drew Or a radio button that says radio.

1:03:37 Adam How about just a lit button that's round, and how about we start putting them in the same place everywhere? Stereos, remotes, everything. Let's come up with a place to put it and make it that way.

1:03:46 Drew Wasn't there a universal Geneva Connexion that tuning knob on the left, volume thing on the right, vice versa?

1:03:56 Adam Here's what it is. I need a knob. I need a knob.

1:04:00 Drew Here's the good news. You get a knob, it will have a minus sign in front of the volume control that will let you know how loud the thing is.

1:04:05 Adam Here's the other. Now we're on stereos. Let me just say this. Let me just explain something, kiddies. If you ever get a nice stereo, it doesn't go 0 to 10 on the volume. It goes minus 37 decibels. It's like comfortable listening. And then for me to really crank it up and break some windows in the house, minus 2. It's a Brody knob that just keeps turning and turning and turning and you never know where you are. And by the way, if you get into the plus on my stereo, if you get in like plus 5, cops are showing up. They're repelling down on helicopters and night vision stuff. I mean, yes, yes, stuff starts, the chandelier falls from the ceiling at plus 5.

1:04:47 Caller So, somehow, minus 64.

1:04:50 Adam Oh, yeah, makes sense. Sure, you would listen. You would watch a football game and say minus 64. And then if you're throwing a party, well, you're up at minus 28 to minus 21 range.

1:05:00 Caller Oh, sure. That makes perfect sense. No, you just don't want to go 0 to 10.

1:05:06 Adam I can't figure out that 9 is blaring and 3 is sort of easy listening. And let me say this too, as long as I'm on steroids and no one else can figure this out. And I swear somebody, somebody back me up on this. How come the more expensive the stereo, the receiver unit, you could have a $4,000 unit that had, you know, 7 million watts and surround sound and powered all the different speakers and stuff. The worst, the reception, zero reception on it. Can't think about it. Cannot get, I only listen to KROQ, but once in a while I like to check out Stern in the morning. Cannot get Kalus X out here. AM's F-ed up. No, here's the thing. You get an $8 radio with paint spattered on it.

1:05:47 Drew You get everything.

1:05:48 Adam From the gay thrift store and everything comes in perfectly. You get a $4,000 unit, nothing will come in. Nothing but static. Sure.

1:05:57 Caller And go out and buy an antenna. Good luck.

1:05:59 Adam Have fun. I'm on my third antenna.

1:06:01 Caller Nothing. Doesn't work.

1:06:03 Adam Can't be done. You gotta hook up the cable. Every goddamn stereo guy I talk to, I go, what's the deal?

1:06:08 Caller This cost $4,000. The other one cost $8. How come the $8 one works fine?

1:06:13 Adam How come the clock radio one up there? Never have an answer. Somebody give me an answer. And then here's the only answer. They can never come up with an answer. But I swear to you, if you get a digital clock radio for $6 at the thrift store and put it right next door, right next to the $4,000 Moran super unit, the stereo night and day, the $6 one kicks its ass AM, FM, all the way up and down the dial every time. And you can hook up antennas, you can put antennas on the roof, you get nothing. And then here's what you want to know. The only answer I've ever heard, the only answer is, well, there's all the other electrical equipment in there. Well, there's a VCR that's not on. There's a DVD player.

1:06:58 Drew By the way, you put your little $6 radio right by all the electrical equipment, don't you? Yes.

1:07:03 Adam What about the stereo in your car? You got a goddamn internal combustion engine burning 18 inches in front of it with defrosters going and windshield wipers going and dome lights on. How come that stereo works? That stereo's not even plugged in anything, is attached to a huge hunk of tin with a thing that's burning diesel fuel in front of it.

1:07:20 Drew Maybe that's the trick.

1:07:21 Adam No problem.

1:07:21 Drew Get yourself a car stereo and run it through your big system.

1:07:24 Adam Can't get stereo reception going on year nine. Year nine, if a guy who loves listening to talk radio cannot come in, does not work, no antennas work, four grand worth of stereo. Oh, but don't worry. The volume goes down to minus 96 decibels and up to plus 31 decibels. Minus. Do we need minus?

1:07:48 Caller Am I listening to minus sound?

1:07:50 Adam Do I owe sound?

1:07:52 Caller Is that what's going on? I actually owe?

1:07:54 Adam I owe audible sound? That's what's going on. Yes. Oh, yes, sure, anyone would know. Easy, comfortable living at minus 13.

1:08:02 Drew I hate that.

1:08:03 Adam Yes. It's made to annoy and I think it's one of those things that's done that they do because it's like, oh, well, it's four grand. It can't be the same. To make it cool.

1:08:11 Drew Well, you've got to be an audiophile. You must be a connoisseur of the sound.

1:08:15 Adam You never know where you are. You turn the thing on, it just says plus two. You have no idea where you are. Let's go. Let's simplify. Let's break it down, everybody. Let's go. I'm going nuts with the stereo thing. I like to listen to myself when I get home. I can't do it. Perception is too bad. I have to just talk to myself. I put a five-gown bucket on my head and I just keep talking.

1:08:39 Drew Oh, that must be it.

1:08:40 Adam I just put a bucket on my head and I just talk. Sometimes I use a trash can. Metal trash go in my head and others go, oh, just so I can hear me because I can't hear me on the radio.

1:08:48 Drew Your wife must be such a happy woman.

1:08:50 Caller Yeah.

1:08:51 Drew Yeah.

1:08:51 Adam I buy her stuff. We're going to take a break. We'll be right back after this.

1:08:57 Yes.

1:09:02 Caller Please hold. Loveline is brought to you by the new movie Alfie, starring Jude Law in theaters everywhere October 22nd.

1:09:23 Adam Kimberly.

1:09:24 Hey, guys.

1:09:24 Adam Seventeen.

1:09:26 Actually, I'll be up front with you. I fibbed to your condescending prick of a call screener.

1:09:32 Drew Unacceptable.

1:09:36 Adam Hold on a second. Pardon me.

1:09:38 Drew I'm intrigued.

1:09:39 Adam I'm intrigued in a bored way. I'm intrigued in a I'm gonna get the F out of here in 34 minutes kind of way. We should set a precedent about not letting people on who do this and she's so angry.

1:09:56 Drew But isn't that interesting? What does she expect our response to be when she comes on attacking?

1:10:00 Adam All right. Where's your dad? What did he do to you?

1:10:03 Nothing. He's a good guy. I'm not angry and I'm not really angry at him. I guess he doesn't want any mundane phone calls. No. Come on.

1:10:16 Adam All right. Well, ask your stupid question.

1:10:18 Come on. Okay, Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew. Are you near sighted or far sighted?

1:10:26 Drew Near sighted.

1:10:27 Okay. I've been to two eye doctor specialists, and one told me I had a herpes deal in my eye causing me these horrible infections in just one eye. And the other one told me it was ulcers. Is it related? Is the ulcer causing the herpes virus?

1:10:46 Drew That's the same thing. Herpes causes ulcers, and recurrent ulcers in one eye is often herpes.

1:10:51 And why in just one eye? I don't get it.

1:10:54 Drew Because that's where the infection occurred. And then- Like why just on my penis? That's where it occurs.

1:11:00 Adam Please leave your penis out of this.

1:11:02 I've worn contacts since I was like 15 and I'm 33 now.

1:11:07 Drew Oh, shut up.

1:11:08 Come on. I passed for 17. He let me through.

1:11:11 Adam That doesn't mean you don't look like you're 45.

1:11:14 Caller You want to know how I did that?

1:11:16 Drew How old are you?

1:11:17 Adam Give us the voice.

1:11:18 Caller She's 33.

1:11:19 Adam Give us your 17-year-old voice.

1:11:21 Caller Watch.

1:11:22 Caller It's like I said, I go hi and you kind of up talk like that.

1:11:27 Caller Uh-huh. You have to plug a nostril.

1:11:30 Adam Hold on, baby. Keep going. You're 17?

1:11:34 Caller Yeah.

1:11:34 Adam When are you going to be 18?

1:11:37 Caller I'm 18 now.

1:11:40 Adam Oh, you mean you're just about to turn 18?

1:11:43 Caller Yeah.

1:11:45 Adam You been all the way?

1:11:46 Caller Dude, you know you're turned on.

1:11:48 Adam Come on, baby. Don't ruin it. I'm going to hang up on you if you don't do that. You're fast.

1:11:54 Caller I do. And that's why I called Drew because I respect that he has a wealth of knowledge in any area. And your call screener guy said, oh, he doesn't know about that.

1:12:05 Adam Yeah. Well, look, he didn't want to talk to any oldies with a herpy in the eye. I know.

1:12:09 Caller But it's like, how do you get there?

1:12:12 Drew By the way, Kimberly, the recurrent herpes is a serious thing. You're going to need a corneal transplant and all kinds of things.

1:12:18 Caller Oh, I didn't mean to say that.

1:12:19 Drew Well, that about does it. Yeah. But you do need to get this taken care of. And there are medication to suppress the recurrent herpes. There we go. Let's regroup.

1:12:30 Adam That was worth it. It was worth it.

1:12:33 Drew Cherry, you didn't finish, though.

1:12:37 Adam Oh, I wanted some more dirty talk. Jerry, you're 20. All right. Are you confused?

1:13:02 Caller I didn't even plan anything. We weren't even, I was just barely learning his looks and his smiles and his, you know what I mean?

1:13:12 Adam No, no. What are we talking to? Talking to us? Yeah. What's going on there baby doll? Hold off on your question for a second. Let's time out on the question. How are you doing? Are you working?

1:13:32 Drew What kind of work do you do?

1:13:35 Caller Call center work.

1:13:36 Drew Call center.

1:13:37 Caller Yeah.

1:13:38 Adam What does that mean?

1:13:40 Caller That means I work in a big huge room. It's like a box. And then they fit all these other cubicles, which are boxes. And then they sit these people in front of the boxes, which we use to talk to other people. They're doing other things in their lives.

1:13:59 Drew So let me get this straight. You're in a huge box and there are all these smaller boxes within the huge box and you sit in front of a box that you speak into sometimes referred to as a telephone. Fascinating.

1:14:11 Adam And the huge box is on a block, which is sort of box-like. And then the world is a box.

1:14:19 Drew One time they thought it sort of may have had a cube-like structure.

1:14:22 Adam It is of sorts. A box doesn't necessarily have to have squared sides. I imagine you could have a hat box that was round.

1:14:30 Caller Sure. All right.

1:14:32 Adam Jerry. Jerry, what kind of selling do you do?

1:14:41 Caller I don't sell anything.

1:14:42 Caller I'm customer service, so I get all these things.

1:14:46 Caller Along with activations, which is-

1:14:49 Adam Uh-huh.

1:14:50 Drew Credit card.

1:14:52 Caller No. No, I don't deal with money. I don't want to deal with that. I didn't want to sell anything because I don't like that. I don't want to push people. It's not okay.

1:14:59 Adam What kind of company do you work for?

1:15:05 Drew Um, it's Outsource. Outsource? That explains a lot.

1:15:07 Adam Oh, I see.

1:15:08 Drew Again, Cheri, you said activating. Activating credit cards?

1:15:13 Caller And it's insane how to think. Oliver, this is what I think about every day. I'm like, okay, my call center takes...

1:15:19 Drew Let her go for a while, all right.

1:15:24 Adam Tell us more. Should we see?

1:15:33 Drew Yeah.

1:15:36 Adam Wow, she's no good at this game. Cheri?

1:15:39 Caller Okay, are you moody me? What's going on?

1:15:42 Adam See, you're crazy, but you're not nuts.

1:15:44 Caller Well, smart.

1:15:45 Adam Yeah, you're smart. Okay, now listen to me. So you started off by saying you met a guy.

1:15:54 Caller Yeah, but he like, okay, he's all like, we're all talking and we're getting to know each other. Everything's going fine. And then I'm all, I don't hear from him for a while. And so then I take it easy and I like, he's got drama in his life and all this going on.

1:16:07 Adam Is that the S word again?

1:16:10 Drew Yes, I think it's a different color though. I think our last color sounded like, remember the one with the baby voice?

1:16:14 Adam Yeah.

1:16:14 Drew That was the S one too, S-bomb.

1:16:16 Adam This is an, I know, I know, but it's two S-bombed callers in a row, right?

1:16:19 Drew Yes.

1:16:20 Adam Although she kind of nicked her S-bomb a little bit. She nipped it a little at the end.

1:16:26 Drew You pull up short a little bit, but it was still.

1:16:27 Adam I don't think intentionally.

1:16:28 Drew No, it just sort of, she chops all her words.

1:16:32 Adam Cherry sounds nutty, not stupid nutty.

1:16:35 Drew Smart and bipolar nutty.

1:16:36 Adam Smart and bipolar nutty. She's bipolar calling from Portland. So I don't know, Cherry, don't worry about this guy. He's out of there.

1:16:48 Drew He's done, yeah.

1:16:48 Adam He's done.

1:16:49 Drew Trying to figure out why is, you might as well figure out why the weather is the way it is today. There's no way you're going to figure it out. What you got to know is that he's gone. That's it.

1:16:59 Adam Right.

1:17:00 Drew All right.

1:17:00 Adam And we got to move on with our lives here. Eddie?

1:17:03 Guest Yes, sir.

1:17:04 Adam You're 25.

1:17:05 Guest Yes, sir.

1:17:06 Adam What's up, buddy boy?

1:17:09 Guest Ah, I was just wondering, you know, I like to watch my wife have sex with other guys.

1:17:16 Adam Me too.

1:17:17 Drew Perfectly normal, perfectly natural.

1:17:19 Adam And how does this work? Do they know you're watching?

1:17:23 Guest Oh, yeah, I'm in the room.

1:17:24 Caller You're in the room, all right.

1:17:26 Adam So I'd be freaked out if I was the other guy. I would think it would be a trap.

1:17:30 Drew You're going to get a shiv, a pickaxe in your back or something.

1:17:34 Adam Maybe worse than the shiv, the fleshy shiv in the backside. Yeah, so where do you meet, where do you find these guys?

1:17:47 Guest Pretty much over the internet. Mm-hmm.

1:17:49 Adam Over the internet.

1:17:50 Drew Can you stick a note?

1:17:51 Adam Mm-hmm. And then you meet the guy and then he comes back, comes over to your house?

1:17:57 Guest Oh, no. No, we usually meet for drinks or something. And if my wife likes them, we'll go from there.

1:18:04 Adam How many times have you done this?

1:18:06 Guest Three times.

1:18:07 Drew What determines whether she likes him?

1:18:11 Guest If she likes him, she decides that she wants to sleep with him or not.

1:18:16 Drew Oh, OK. What decides if she likes him? She decides if she likes him.

1:18:20 Adam That's right.

1:18:20 Drew All right.

1:18:22 Adam And what does she do? Does she like stomp on your foot once if she likes a guy and stomp on your boot twice if it's time to leave?

1:18:35 Guest She's just like, if she likes him or if she wants to go with it, she'll just kind of tug at her at her left ear and if she don't, she'll just tug at her right.

1:18:47 Drew No way. No way.

1:18:50 Adam Like Carol Burnett in a three-way. Yeah.

1:18:54 Guest I mean.

1:18:54 Adam Oh, no. Hold on. Hold on a second.

1:18:56 Drew No way.

1:18:57 Guest All right.

1:18:58 Adam Now hold on. He's calling from Bakersfield.

1:19:01 Drew Yeah. So anything's possible.

1:19:02 Adam Anything's possible. Number one. Number two, one would have to work out some sort of code.

1:19:09 Drew Wait. Wait, they meet a guy on an Internet who's interested in a threesome. They bring him over. They go out.

1:19:15 Adam They have a drink.

1:19:15 Drew Are they going to violate his sensibilities if they decide not to go through with it?

1:19:20 Adam Listen, the people are very sensitive in that community, Drew. And all you got is your ego and your junk when you take it out. And you're wearing your heart on your sleeve.

1:19:31 Drew Your heart on.

1:19:32 Adam You're wearing your heart on your sleeve.

1:19:34 Drew Your heart.

1:19:34 Adam And you're wearing your boner like a dorsal fin. And these guys don't take rejection very nicely. Some of them could get violent.

1:19:42 Drew Alright, so they need some sort of high sign, alright.

1:19:43 Adam Alright, so they do the sign and that sign, here's what that sign means. And then they probably go into this, you know, one more drink. You know what, actually, I'm not feeling that great. We should, we'll try to do it again. We'll give you a buzz. We got your number. It's like anything I would imagine.

1:19:56 Drew But why did they just get right into that? Why do they need the high sign? I don't know.

1:20:00 Adam Eddie. Because she's got to let him know. Now, why now you say right ear is a go and left ears abort?

1:20:09 Guest No, the right ear is abort. The left ear is go.

1:20:14 Adam All right. So he's not lying. And when it's abort, what do you do?

1:20:20 Guest We usually just like like you were saying, just usually tell him, you know, you know what? I'll make my phone ring and just act like we got a phone call. We got to leave.

1:20:32 Adam You make your cell phone ring?

1:20:33 Guest Yes, sir. I'll just set the alarm and my alarm sounds like it's ringing.

1:20:39 Adam And your phone, your phone, you're going to love that. It's like it's a big buyer, big Asian Asian Asian client calling from from Manila. We got it. We got to talk business. There's a container ship. This is huge. You got it.

1:20:54 Drew Really?

1:20:55 Adam You live in a trailer. You're wearing flip flops.

1:20:58 Drew And by the way, couldn't you just set the alarm no matter who it is or just let the alarm ring and ignore it if you're not if you're into the guy.

1:21:05 Adam All right. So Eddie, so now how many guys has she done this with? Three, three, three. Okay. And how many guys you turned away, by the way? Two guys.

1:21:18 Guest Yeah.

1:21:19 Adam Now, could you tell there was something wrong with those guys?

1:21:22 Guest No, just they're either too obnoxious or they're not even saying the word, you know, when we're having a drink or something. We usually want some of that, you know, open-minded or, you know. Right.

1:21:35 Adam And is your wife attractive?

1:21:37 Guest Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Very.

1:21:39 Adam It's got to be good for them. And what do you do for a living, Eddie?

1:21:43 Guest I'm a truck driver.

1:21:45 Adam All right. And I was going to say, we're worried your wife is cheating on you on those long hauls, but you're worried she's getting laid without you watching. And what do you do? You masturbate?

1:21:58 Guest No, I usually just watch.

1:22:00 Adam You just watch?

1:22:01 Drew And that's a normal thing that feels good, huh?

1:22:03 Adam And then wait a minute. And then when they're done, what do you do? I mean, what's in it for you? You're not even masturbating.

1:22:10 Guest I mean, after everything, you know, we have sex and I don't know.

1:22:15 Caller Yeah.

1:22:17 Adam I mean, that's what I'm trying to figure out.

1:22:18 Drew What are you trying to figure out?

1:22:19 Adam Well, wait a minute. Wait a second. Any rules, by the way? You know, no, no. What are the rules?

1:22:27 Guest My wife, no anal sex and no, my wife won't give any oral sex to them.

1:22:32 Drew No oral. Too intimate, Adam.

1:22:33 Adam No anal.

1:22:33 Drew Come on, come on now.

1:22:34 Adam And take it easy on the high fives.

1:22:37 Guest Yeah.

1:22:37 Adam Yeah, I guess a little obnoxious. Hey, brother.

1:22:39 Drew No jumping during the high five.

1:22:40 Guest Yeah.

1:22:41 Adam You can do the, you do the standing and leaning one. You can do the, you do the standing and leaning one. You can do the, you do the standing and leaning one. You can do the, you do the standing and leaning one.

1:22:57 Guest Yeah.

1:22:58 Adam And now, is there any finishing rules? I would have a whole catalog of finishing rules. Stay away from the hair, stay away from the comforter. I'm going to, I'm going to provide you with a graduated cylinder. You'll, you have to fill that and then put a rubber band with some cellophane over it.

1:23:14 Drew And how do you prevent pregnancy and AIDS and STDs with these people you meet off the internet?

1:23:18 Adam Ah, they're clean.

1:23:19 Guest No, it's, there's, there's, there's a condom.

1:23:22 Adam Always a condom.

1:23:23 Guest Always a condom.

1:23:24 Adam Always a condom. All right, now, Drew, you're standing up. Yeah. Be prepared to hit the floor. Do you have children? Yes. Oh. Oh. Yeah. How many?

1:23:38 Guest Two.

1:23:39 Adam Two. And, and don't you think that somehow, in some way, on some level, this is going to end up affecting them? I'm not talking about them seeing what's going on, just the mommy and daddy that think this is a great plan.

1:23:54 Guest I mean, that's, that's, that's what I don't know what to do because I mean...

1:23:58 Drew You can cut it out. You can just cut doing it. You can stop.

1:24:00 Adam You need to stop.

1:24:00 Drew It's fine. Just stop.

1:24:02 Guest Right.

1:24:04 Adam Let me explain something, Eddie.

1:24:06 Guest Yup.

1:24:06 Adam Uh, not, not so fast, Eddie. A sportscaster used to be out here. Here's the deal. When it comes to your sexual proclivities, people think that whatever God blessed you or cursed you with, that's the direction you have to go. It's like, look, I like, I like killing show girls and, uh, humping them in a shallow grave in the desert. And, uh, what are you going to do? That's my fish. And, and we-

1:24:33 Drew A little too cathartic.

1:24:34 Adam A little too close.

1:24:35 Drew You may be reviewing too much.

1:24:36 Adam Hey, you know what I'm saying? The point is, is, and we live in a society that just basically says like, well, if you're in a chicks, you're in a chicks, you're in a dudes, you're in a dudes, you're in a chicks, you're in a dudes at the same time. As if you have no control over it. Look, we control everything. There's times when we feel like stealing or being unfair or robbing or killing or, you know, you're driving your car and you think, I want to just smash into this guy. No, no, no. You don't do it.

1:24:59 Drew Let's even take a little more subtly and look at eating. You could eat Oreos all day long. And the more Oreos you ate, the more likely you'd want Oreos. The more you'd be into it. You just, this is what I like, Oreos. Or you could stand back and enjoy some of the more subtle experiences that you eat. So the other more nourishing and diverse experiences that ultimately, if you hold off on the Oreos, much more satisfying.

1:25:23 Adam Yes.

1:25:23 Drew Much more satisfying. But when you're in those Oreo binges, nothing like an Oreo.

1:25:28 Adam Now, you're talking about when he brings home a black dude? Sometimes our metaphors get screwed up and I don't know if you're actually talking about eating.

1:25:36 Drew No, no. I was pretty clear, wasn't I?

1:25:38 Adam I thought you were. I thought Chris was confused, though. He thought you were talking about cookies. And then the double stuff takes on a whole new meaning with the black guy. That's a totally different thing now, Drew. Okay.

1:25:51 Drew He said no, ain't he?

1:25:53 Adam Feel free to not indulge your sexual whammy.

1:25:59 Drew Yes, or whatever.

1:26:00 Adam You have two kids. You're trying to have a relationship. Not healthy.

1:26:05 Drew It destabilizes relationships.

1:26:06 Adam And not only, oh, well, the two uptight guys with the radio show, no, no. No, not healthy any way you slice it from any culture or any expert, I don't care how liberal you are. Not healthy.

1:26:17 Drew We're not judging you for doing it.

1:26:19 Adam No, fine.

1:26:19 Drew We're trying to, we're worrying about the stability of your family.

1:26:21 Adam Whatever. Focus on your kids. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:26:27 Caller Dude, you got issues.

1:26:30 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191 Loveline is brought to you by the new movie Alphys.

1:27:00 Adam Back to the phones. Kate coming in here on Sunday. Robert.

1:27:06 Caller Yes.

1:27:06 Adam You're 30.

1:27:07 Caller Yes, sir.

1:27:08 Adam Your dad owns a strip club.

1:27:10 Caller Exactly. Well, father-in-law, actually.

1:27:13 Drew Father-in-law? Your wife's dad?

1:27:15 Caller My wife's dad, yes.

1:27:33 Adam Trying to get the Asian clientele in there.

1:27:36 Drew Sure. Sure.

1:27:38 Caller Actually, Adam, real quick, you'd appreciate this. A couple months ago, I had dinner with Minka, one of your favorite gals, I believe.

1:27:48 Adam Yeah. She's a delight. Number one Asian big boob queen.

1:27:51 Drew Number one.

1:27:54 Caller I like Anderson.

1:27:55 Adam Just play the one of her attempting to say number one Asian big boob queen.

1:28:01 Drew Number one Asian big boob queen.

1:28:06 Caller Don't play tennis no more.

1:28:09 Adam She's actually Korean, I think. Here's the thing about porn. They don't got time for all the different Asian cultures.

1:28:16 Drew No subtles.

1:28:18 Adam No. Plus, when Ron Jeremy pulls out his mooshu pork and drops a load of duck sauce on there, it's lost. Do you understand if it's Korean? You know what I'm saying? It's got a stick, so she's Japanese.

1:28:35 Drew Chinese with the mooshu pork.

1:28:36 Adam That's right.

1:28:37 Drew Later on, it's the Fuji.

1:28:38 Adam Later on, because she's Mount Fuji's and the other one. Then I think she's like the dragon queen. Okay, let me explain something about stupid people. I'm one of them. We don't really know the difference between Japanese and Chinese.

1:28:51 Drew But you've heard of Fuji, and you've heard of mooshu pork.

1:28:54 Adam Right, but that's just, everything's just sort of Japanese. It's just Japanese. It's easier. Mixing in all the other stuff doesn't work.

1:29:02 Drew All right, so Robert, I'm intrigued by Robert. You're married to a woman whose dad owns strip bars.

1:29:06 Caller Yes.

1:29:07 Drew What does your wife do?

1:29:09 Caller My wife actually, she's a stay at home mom now, but she did work in the entertainment industry, but now she's at home with our child.

1:29:18 Drew And what do you do?

1:29:19 Caller I'm a television editor.

1:29:22 Adam How much, how many strip clubs does the guy own?

1:29:25 Caller Just one up in Humboldt County, up in Eureka.

1:29:29 Adam Beautiful out there. And why did you have a dinner with Menka?

1:29:37 Caller It was, he goes down to the conventions in Vegas, you know, like the, I don't know which particular one this was either AVN or-

1:29:49 Drew Were you in Vegas with them?

1:29:50 Caller Yeah, we drove out there. We're here in LA, so we just drove out there and visited them and went to, you know, a nice little Italian restaurant.

1:30:00 Adam They had a nice nosh with Menka.

1:30:02 Drew Was there a little husband there, the little guy?

1:30:06 Caller Or was he? Yeah, he was there.

1:30:08 Drew He had leukemia or something.

1:30:10 Adam He had something, yeah.

1:30:13 Caller He doesn't look like he's in great shape, but he was, you know, along for the ride. And my father-in-law's wife, I guess you would say, is actually, she's in the same magazine that Menka's in from time to time.

1:30:31 Adam Proposite Gal, huh?

1:30:33 Caller That's score, yeah, score magazine.

1:30:36 Adam Big boobs.

1:30:36 Drew And what's your question?

1:30:37 Caller Anyways, she's about, she's 22 years old and she's had four brass jobs.

1:30:45 Drew Nice.

1:30:46 Caller And she's actually up to a 34 triple F right now.

1:30:50 Adam Your wife?

1:30:51 Drew No, no, her Menka. His father-in-law's wife.

1:30:56 Caller Yes, exactly.

1:30:57 Adam Yeah, she's 22.

1:30:58 Caller Yes. All right. And anyways, my big concern is every time she gets a boob job, she comes down here and she ends up draining on our couch essentially for a few days. And it's a little disheartening to see you know, her in the shape she's in. You know, I'm sure it's only a few days, but you know.

1:31:23 Drew What's your question?

1:31:23 Caller Anyway, sorry, the point is, is it over-

1:31:26 Adam You're lucky I love big boobs. I would have hung up on you a long time ago.

1:31:30 Drew What's the question?

1:31:30 Caller Sorry, over the long term, what is gonna be the effect or the risk that this is gonna have on your body?

1:31:37 Adam Well, man has been studying this since the dawn of civilization.

1:31:40 Drew Yes, yes, many, many of the Egyptian tombs were discovered with the hieroglyphics.

1:31:43 Adam You like the hieroglyphics, you see that? No, who the hell knows? Nobody knows.

1:31:46 Drew Well, Robert, look, she's going under the knife. That's already a risk. There are many different complications of the implants themselves in terms of scarring and movement, that sort of thing. I've noticed that people that seem to have lots and lots of these plastic procedures tend to be...

1:32:00 Adam Nutty.

1:32:01 Drew Well, yes, but tend to be addicts too. And they start connecting the dots to get more opiates.

1:32:07 Adam Who the hell, by the way, first off, I can't believe your wife lets this giant jugged 22-year-old camp on your sofa for two weeks.

1:32:18 Caller Yeah, it, you know, I guess...

1:32:20 Adam Why, why? Why not just, you mean she comes out here, she comes out to Los Angeles to get the surgery and then can't make it back to Humboldt?

1:32:28 Caller Yeah, well, you know, you gotta recoup for a couple days.

1:32:31 Adam Oh man, and you must stick out like a sore thumb in this thing.

1:32:35 Caller Anywhere we...

1:32:36 Adam Chicks in Humboldt, forget about boob jobs, they don't even shave their pits over there. It's a bunch of angry lesbians with the pits that they're dragging on the ground wearing the Birkenstocks, being a little busty broad with the fake eyelashes and the kissing potion comes rolling into town, jugs rubbing on the steering wheel. Yeah.

1:32:55 Drew Anyway, so there are risks. What do you got to do? She's a wild marriage of this old man.

1:33:02 Adam We'll be right back after this.

1:33:04 Caller All right guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:10 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:11 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE. Call the Dateline. 1-800-CALL-GOT-LINE.

1:33:18 Caller Love, 191.

1:33:26 Adam Well, that's the show everybody. Cake in here Sunday night. I want to thank a big office football pool winner. Junior, Junior. Junior, Lucky, Junior, Junior, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Junior, Lucky, Lucky, Junior, Producer Lauren for doing a great job all week long. I want to thank Junior, Junior, no, Minor, Junior in studio. No, no, no, no, he's, he's in the, he's hard to call this kid over here. Junior, Junior College. Engineer Chris over here at KROQ doing a wonderful job. I want to thank Engineer Anderson, the magic fingered one, the Liberace of the Potentiometers there, Drew, doing a great job all week long. And I want to thank producer and so, oh, and Brian, phone screener, and Ziggy, the phone screener. So, until next time, this Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Anal Fish. It's a great song.

1:34:57 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:35:01 Adam The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Thursday, September 30, 2004