Episode 1000645635210

1:00 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:03 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Yeah, thanks for the finger there. Stupid engineer Chris doing a thing where he puts his hand over his mouth like a schoolgirl. Ooh, Drew said the F word. And then he doesn't give me the finger. Come on, buddy, give me the finger. That's what gets a show started. Every time I ever watch a TV show and there's radio on it, they show those dials moving and they show the engineer, pow, with the finger. That's the reason I got in.

1:44 Drew Well, they also have the guy announcing with holding one side. Yeah, gotta hold the one ear.

1:47 Adam I may do the show that way. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm your host, Adam Carolla. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, Dix Madness Specialist. Like to welcome to the show this evening, Face To Face, Trevor Keith, Scott Shiflett, both here from the band. You guys have been here in about five years, I see. How you doing? What can we do you for?

2:11 Um, just great.

2:13 Face To Face Glad to be back.

2:14 Adam Let's go to commercial.

2:15 Face To Face All right.

2:15 Adam See how it works?

2:16 Drew No, first for Travagan Weather first.

2:17 Adam Oh, now we got a break for Travagan. It's 837, 37 after 8, that's 23 away from the top of the hour at 9 o'clock straight up. Travagan Weather, slow and go on the 405. Look out for brake lights. Yeah. Yeah, trouble in the Middle East. All right.

2:31 Face To Face Well, we followed the free beer signs.

2:33 Adam It's back to a face to face superset. Speaking of traffic, I saw they had the amber alert on the way here.

2:40 Drew On every sign.

2:41 Adam Yes.

2:42 Drew Every sign.

2:43 Adam And it slowed the freeway down about 22 percent. And I thought I had mixed feelings.

2:50 Drew Except for the A-holes that nearly came to a stop to read it that I almost ran into.

2:53 Adam Well, you got.

2:54 Drew That's a little different than the slow.

2:56 Adam You got to look at it this way. Look at it this way. I don't read very well. I read at a ninth grade level, I would say. You know, it's weird, though. When I was in the first grade, I was reading at like a zygote level. Like I was always behind. Even when I started, I was four or five grades. So when I was in first grade, I was reading at a retard level. I was like a mongoloid reading level. I don't know how. Like, my first day of school.

3:24 Face To Face Oh, it looks like the phone lines have lit up.

3:26 Adam Hey, we got to get to the phones. So people in Los Angeles, they did this, just did this test where the survey where people are like 53% of Los Angelinos are functionally illiterate or people employed. Did you guys see this thing that was on just I can't really illiterate.

3:44 Face To Face I didn't read it.

3:45 Adam I just heard about it. Somebody friend told a friend kind of thing was all over the news last week. And I thought, well, if you can't read very well, you're going past a sign with 15 or 20 words on it, you're going 75. You got to slow down. Like I use the Tivo to read the subtitles when I'm watching something on TV and I watch CNN and the ticker goes by in the bottom. I take the Tivo and I slow it down so I can read it. So people must slow down to read the amber alert that's on the freeway.

4:11 Drew Oh, they do.

4:12 Adam Oh, they do.

4:12 Drew Oh, yes.

4:13 Adam Yeah, they lock them up. All right. Face to face. Let's talk to you guys. The band is got themselves a tour, which is going to be at the House of Blues in Anaheim, except for the 14th is sold out. What is that? Tomorrow? Tomorrow? Yeah, tomorrow night. Tomorrow. Tomorrow sold out. Wednesday, you can go to. That's the tickets available Thursday. You can go to and then the rest of the shows are sold out. Oh, because then now we're coming into the weekend.

4:42 Face To Face Just phone. Trevor will put you on the list.

4:44 Adam Yeah. The point is, is if you want to go see Face to Face, you got to go to, you got to go get your tickets for tomorrow and the next day because after that.

4:51 Face To Face Wednesday and Thursday.

4:52 Adam Can you go to shows that are sold out and get in anyway? I mean, can you scalp tickets or can you just bum rush the guy at the door or something?

5:00 Face To Face Just ask Pete. He's a sucker for stray people.

5:04 If you hang out by the bus and look sad enough, maybe, I don't know. I guess sometimes you can.

5:08 Adam The Face to Face bus. Yeah. Yeah, I, not just any bus.

5:11 Or the opening act.

5:12 Adam Right, right.

5:14 Does it really matter?

5:14 Adam You know the guy I always want to be, the guy who says, announces we're going to the ball game, especially like playoffs, like baseball. And you're like, what? We don't have, ah, we'll grab them out. I like that guy. It's not me, but I like that guy. You know, the guy who just boldly announces we're going. Yeah, it's the seventh game of the World Series. Well, we don't have, we'll get them down at the ballpark. Who do you know? Come on. That's it.

5:36 That's it.

5:36 Adam Like the friend from the movie. Like, oh, who is this guy?

5:39 And you can pay a hundred bucks a ticket for a $15 ticket.

5:42 Adam It'll always, yeah. Oh, you got to pay. You got to pay. But I just like the moxie of that guy. I would never do that. Even if I had the tickets, I would say, no, this is not going to work out. Let's just stay home and watch it on TV. Let's hear a Face To Face song. That's what I want to do. All right. Yeah?

5:57 Drew Yeah.

5:58 Adam They got an album that's coming out, a Best Of album that's coming out in a few months. And I thought we'd just hear an oldie but a goodie off that album. Chris, what's happening, buddy?

6:09 Drew You ready?

6:10 Adam Feeling good? You ready?

6:11 Drew Is Adam your friend?

6:12 Adam Yeah.

6:13 Drew Your best friend?

6:14 Face To Face Yeah, you pick a track.

6:15 Adam All right, bud. I already picked it. The first one is called Disconnected. In studio tonight, Scott and Trevor here. Hey, hey. Woo. I was just thinking with those amber alerts, Drew. Yeah. These are the freeway signs when kids are missing. The lettering is amber colored.

9:57 Drew It is sort of, yeah.

9:58 Adam Yeah, it's very confusing. And like I said, the girl who originally got the thing started is named Amber. But now when I hear amber, it's a color. So it's like red alert or code blue or it's confusing.

10:09 Face To Face It's like a SIG alert.

10:11 Adam Yeah. I hate to say it, but the kid should have been named Shelly or something. You know what I mean?

10:16 Drew Yeah, Shelly alert. Mary alert.

10:17 Adam It's confusing now that it's amber. But anyway, everyone in LA, because they can't read, have to stop on the freeway.

10:24 Face To Face Maybe people keep turning amber in.

10:26 Drew The ultimate irony is that they'll be serious. There'll be accidents. Lanes will be closed. That won't appear on the freeway.

10:32 Face To Face Thank you, Amber.

10:33 Adam A thousand deaths. Patrick?

10:35 Yeah?

10:36 Adam You're a...

10:37 Longtime listener, first time caller.

10:39 Adam Okay, buddy. Are you a virgin? Yes.

10:42 Um, actually, no.

10:43 Adam No?

10:46 Um, when my girl and I, like, when I'm giving her oral, she's able to have, like, multiple orgasms, and, I don't know, like, up to about 20. And I was just wondering, I mean, like, is... How many can a girl normally have?

11:00 Adam Well, first off, 20 seems a little light, bro.

11:03 Drew Patrick, here's the deal. There are definitely women out there that have multiple orgasms, but those ones tend not to like oral sex. They tend to have multiple orgasms from intercourse.

11:15 Caller Busted.

11:16 Adam Cold busted.

11:18 Face To Face So, basically, you're just jealous because you want 20 orgasms per oral sex.

11:21 Drew It's unusual that it's... It's unusual for 20 from oral sex. It's much more common for her not to like oral sex, but I have 20 or 30 from intercourse.

11:32 Adam Oh.

11:35 Caller I wasn't sure what's like...

11:37 Drew Liar!

11:37 Face To Face Liar whore! Liar whore!

11:39 Caller You know it!

11:39 Adam Liar, Patrick.

11:42 Caller I'm not lying. I'm serious. What's like the high... What's the high number for a girl then? What's the high number?

11:50 Adam Let's check the Guinness Book here, Drew. It's 122, set by your sister in 1997.

11:58 Drew The deal is about 10% of women have multiple orgasms. It's a picture of her.

12:01 Adam It's not bad.

12:02 Drew Over half never have orgasm with intercourse and only have one or maybe two with oral sex. And then there's some certain percentages that are sort of in between that.

12:11 Adam Thanks, you guys. All right, buddy. Glad we cleared that up for you. Thank you. All right.

12:17 Face To Face It'll come in handy when he meets a girl.

12:19 Adam Yeah. One day when he actually just stops having sex with his pool raft and actually meets a flesh and blood woman. I mean, let me ask you guys this. Remember those days, Drew? Come on, don't put the puss on. Come on, buddy. Remember those days before you'd been with a woman and it was always like, oh, man, what's a booby feel like? What's everything feel like? What would it feel like? A mouth, a penis?

12:42 Face To Face Yeah, remember those days.

12:44 Adam What would all this feel like? Didn't it all feel like pretty much exactly how you thought it would feel? Was there any surprises? You know what I mean? I mean, it was good. Drew, you're a man of exquisite passion. You enjoyed it. But were there any surprises?

12:58 Drew A, we all experience touching flesh, you know, with our parents, things, intimate contact with people.

13:06 Adam That is weird.

13:08 Face To Face What do you have to go there?

13:09 Drew I'm just saying. And we are all wired for all these experiences. We are wired for these experiences ahead of time, and so they're, you know what I mean?

13:18 Adam They're not like... Yeah, I know, I know. Okay, stop crapping on my point.

13:23 Drew No, no, it's okay. Your point is... I'm supporting your point.

13:25 Adam No, you're not.

13:26 Drew But I'm supporting it in a negative way.

13:27 Adam You're supporting it by dropping your pants, spreading your cheeks, and letting a steaming flop right on it.

13:34 Drew But it was good.

13:35 Adam No, here's the point. Like, you sit around, I remember being like 12 years old, like, what does a boob feel like? And then everything just sort of felt like exactly what you thought it would feel like.

13:46 Caller Was that what you accept, the fake boobs?

13:48 Adam Yeah.

13:48 I remember preoccupied.

13:50 Drew Wasn't kissing the first thing kids preoccupied about what that's going to feel like.

13:53 Adam Yeah, except for, you don't really wonder what that's going to feel like as much as the boob and the oral sex and stuff.

13:58 Drew Well, it's interesting. I think in my youth, that's more where my head was at. Now, naturally enough, in yours, you've gone on to an illustrious...

14:05 Face To Face Yeah, what will a conversation with Nietzsche feel like?

14:07 Drew Well, no, Adam, you've gone on to an illustrious career with breasts. You've developed that into quite an undertaking.

14:14 Adam Well, what do you mean? You didn't wonder what kissing was like.

14:17 Drew I don't remember worrying...

14:18 Adam You wondered how to kiss, but it wasn't really about the sensation, it was about screwing it up. You didn't know if you could breathe, you didn't want to bite anybody.

14:26 Face To Face You fumbled through the kiss to get to the breast, really. Right.

14:29 Adam Yeah. That's just a hurdle you have to get to before you get to the bra. And Drew, you probably had braces or something, right?

14:35 Drew I'm sure.

14:37 Adam No. No retainer? What did you have? Did you have braces?

14:40 Drew Earlier.

14:40 Adam Glasses and braces? Headset? You ever wear the headset?

14:43 Drew Good times.

14:47 Adam How much crap could they put on your head? What else would you have? Have you got chopsticks sticking out of your nostrils or like a tiparillo shoved in your ear? What else do your parents have hanging out of your head? Head gear. All right. All right. Here's my point. Everything feels about like it would feel. Like the boob feels like what the boob would feel like. I imagine if you ever went skydiving, that feels like what you think skydiving would feel. I think bungee jumping would feel like. I think surfing a 30-foot wave would feel like what you think it feels like. Doesn't mean it wouldn't be a thrill. Riding a motorcycle feels like what you think it feels like. I think you kind of know in a weird way. Therefore, we should do nothing.

15:30 Drew Yeah, since you already know.

15:31 Adam Let's go home and watch TV.

15:32 Face To Face That's a very Zen approach of you.

15:34 Adam Yeah. And by the way, we know where this radio show is going.

15:37 Drew We know what it feels like to do the show. People know what it feels like to listen to it.

15:41 Caller Let's stop right here.

15:42 Adam Let's pack it in. Let's pack it in.

15:44 Drew I know what it feels like to sleep.

15:46 Face To Face Yeah. Oh, that's good.

15:47 That's good.

15:50 Adam Sharon? You're 21? What's up?

15:55 Caller Well, my girlfriend, on her vagina lips, on the outer lips, she's got these freckles and there's probably about 15 of them and I was just wondering if I should maybe urge her to go see a doctor to maybe check them out in case they might be like cancerous melanoma. And so I was just wondering if I could maybe get your opinion as to what you thought.

16:16 Adam Is this your girlfriend or a friend of yours?

16:19 Caller Yes, my partner. Yes.

16:20 Drew Partner.

16:21 Adam Oh, really?

16:22 Drew Life partner.

16:23 Adam And you counted the freckles on her vulva.

16:27 Drew Yes.

16:29 Adam Is she a redheaded girl?

16:31 Caller No. Not at all.

16:34 Drew Does she have freckles anywhere else?

16:37 Caller No. No, not really. I mean, she's got a couple on her face and I told her she should probably get those looked at as well. But they're not tiny shaped really. I've just noticed a couple of them.

16:45 Adam Oh, this happened to me once. Did the freckles move?

16:48 Caller No, they didn't move. It's light. But, I mean, I looked at it probably six months ago.

16:51 Adam No, they just start crawling around and then they start itching. It turns out it's something else.

16:55 Caller Twice as many now.

16:56 Face To Face Are they an abnormal incident? Have they always been there? Do they change shape or anything?

17:01 Caller That's what I was just saying. She, about six months ago, she probably had half as many as she has now.

17:06 Drew Well, and for those two things. First of all, melanomas are usually rarely multiple and they are multiple. They're irregular borders with the classic being a scalloped edge. They usually are very, very dark with other colors like blue or white within them.

17:23 Adam All right. So melanoma is a skin cancer.

17:25 Drew Yeah. That's not what she has.

17:26 Adam And they're not, they're not, irregular border means it's not like someone stuck. A hard candy to you.

17:34 Drew It's a diffused border.

17:35 Caller Yeah. They're just regular little freckles.

17:37 Drew No, we're not talking.

17:38 Adam Shut up, Dr. Lesbo. Trying to figure this out here. So they're like a scallop. They're like sharp around the edges. Draw a picture of one.

17:45 Drew They would be, they would be irregular. It's snake-like, serpigenous, and then something like a bite. And then there could be a bite out of there.

17:51 Adam It's like the world's wimpiest swordsman, serpigenous, of Woosville.

17:56 Drew But then there's diffuseness. Like it sort of blends into the. Skin.

18:04 Adam Try a different laundry detergent if they stick around and see that.

18:07 Drew The story that I want Sharon to hear is your story about the crabs. Because it's very illustrative.

18:14 Adam I never had crabs.

18:15 Drew Oh yeah. Well, somebody had them.

18:17 Adam My friend had them.

18:18 Drew Oh, your friend. Well, tell Sharon about your friend.

18:21 Adam Why?

18:22 Drew Because maybe that's what this is.

18:23 Adam These aren't crabs.

18:25 Drew You thought it was freckles or your friend thought it was freckles?

18:27 Adam Nobody thought it was freckles, you Dr. Tartow.

18:30 Drew You started out with telling her that. You thought you had freckles and then they multiplied.

18:33 Adam I was kidding around, you idiot. Jesus Christ, you have zero sense of humor.

18:37 Face To Face Where are these freckles again?

18:38 Adam Since you had freckles, I said, where are they moving?

18:40 Drew I have had patients tell me that they were having freckles and I go down and it's crabs.

18:45 Adam Hold on a second.

18:46 Drew I swear to God.

18:46 Adam No, first off, you haven't.

18:48 Drew I swear, as God is my witness.

18:51 Adam First off, you're an atheist.

18:53 Drew No, I know exactly, I can remember the room I examined this guy in, he wanted me to look at these. He called them like warts.

18:58 Adam This is one of your junky patients who was just sprung out of methadone.

19:01 Drew They're the Loveline caller.

19:03 Adam All right. Now look, first, no one thinks a crab is a freckle unless you're high as a kite.

19:08 Drew They do.

19:09 Face To Face It's an itchy freckle.

19:10 Drew They're tiny little look like.

19:12 Adam No, look, all right, but let me just say this, just so everyone can hear the show and understand what I'm up against comedically here. I was making a joke, she said her girlfriend had freckles on her vagina, I said, are they moving? That's a joke, like they're crabs. Drew misinterpreted that and said, are they sliding around? And then now thinks I was serious when I said I had that.

19:33 Drew I was serious because I've had people present that way.

19:36 Adam You had one guy who was high as a kite. Yes?

19:40 Drew And this is a Loveline caller.

19:42 Adam She's not high. Sharon? You see, by the way, I can cut through Drew's crap quick. One guy high. Sharon? You're a drug addict? Do you take drugs?

19:56 Caller No, not at all.

19:59 Adam And you would know if these things were critters, right? All right. And so what about it, Drew? What could it be then?

20:07 Drew Freckles.

20:08 Adam Freckles. Don't worry about it.

20:10 Drew Obviously, if you have any questions, have a go look at a dermatologist or any regular doctor, frankly. It's impossible for me to interpret what people are talking about when they talk about skin.

20:19 Adam Well, it says there's freckles on the cooch. All right.

20:22 Drew I have not had any satisfaction with a Loveline caller describing a skin lesion ever.

20:27 Adam She said it looked like freckles on the vagina. It says they're multiplying. Maybe she's spending time in the sun.

20:34 No, that's what I asked her.

20:35 Caller I mean, like tanning both. She said, I mean, she's been in like one of the standing upright ones, and she hasn't been in it enough to even.

20:43 Face To Face You're talking labia or outside area. What are we talking here?

20:46 Adam I think we're talking outside.

20:47 Caller You know, right where the hair grows. So it would be right, you know, on the outer lips there.

20:52 Adam Hey, Sharon.

20:52 Face To Face Could be acne. Tell her to change her underwear.

20:56 Adam Here's a better question. Why are you so involved with your girlfriend's vagina? I mean, you know, you said she had some freckles on her face. She should have that looked at. What is she, 20? She's fine. No, she's actually 30.

21:09 Caller Ooh.

21:09 Adam All right. Better young. Still young. The point is, why are you obsessed with this?

21:15 Caller I wouldn't really call it obsession. I just like to look at the stuff I'm going to go dive into.

21:20 All right.

21:22 Face To Face I think that's the answer you were looking for.

21:23 Adam Yeah. Are you good looking?

21:26 Caller I'm all right.

21:28 Adam She's Asian?

21:29 Caller Yes.

21:30 Adam Has her parents killed themselves yet? No? They will. And what do you do?

21:37 Face To Face What do I do?

21:40 Adam Junior college?

21:42 Face To Face Really?

21:43 Adam Something under junior college? Is there something between junior college and high school that I don't know about? All right, Sharon. All right. Good times. Don't worry about it, baby. You're 21. This thing ain't going to last anyway. Enjoy.

21:56 Drew All right. Well, the lesbian relationships can go on.

21:59 Adam That's true.

21:59 Drew They get tight.

22:00 Adam Yeah. They can just settle into like a comfortable groove. They become like an old couple, right?

22:05 Drew Mm-hmm.

22:06 Face To Face No pun intended.

22:09 Adam Yes. A nice comfortable crease. Yes, Drew?

22:12 Drew Yes, Adam.

22:12 Adam I had a patient who...

22:14 Drew I did...

22:15 Adam .but he was high.

22:17 Drew He was high at the time, but he was an addict.

22:19 Adam He was seeing things.

22:20 Drew No, no. Oh, no, no. You would not have known there's anything wrong with the guy.

22:24 Adam I wouldn't have?

22:25 Drew Mm-hmm.

22:26 Adam Do I know the guy?

22:27 Drew Mm-hmm.

22:27 Adam Was it me?

22:28 Drew No. Well, I thought it was you. That story sounds so familiar to me.

22:31 Adam When the... Now, where was this guy's cramps?

22:34 Drew On his inner thighs.

22:35 Adam On his inner thighs.

22:36 Drew He wanted me to look at these... I think he thought they were warts. He said, I'm having warts. These things, these little knots are developing. I was expecting to see warts.

22:44 Adam What do you go down there with? A jeweler's loop? What do you go down there when you have the exam? Do you have a magnifying glass? What do you do?

22:50 Drew I like to see them with electron microscope for those big hairy things.

22:53 Adam Yeah. Let's take ourselves a little bit of a break here. Scott and Trevor from Face To Face here tonight. We'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

23:07 Thank you for calling Loveline.

23:08 Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

23:40 Adam 1-800-LOV-191 Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-E-E-1-9-1. Face to Face here tonight, Trevor and Scott represent the band. Going to be at the House of Blues in Anaheim for the next six, seven nights. Most of them sold out, but can still get tickets for tomorrow night. No, Wednesday night and Thursday night's show. Speaking of shows, Crank Anchors on tomorrow night, everybody. The show's got a day delay, so I'd like to plug my beloved Crank Anchors on Comedy Central. I think I'm on tonight's episode or tomorrow night's episode. Depending on when you hear the show. Tuesday, Drew, that's good. That clarified it. Yeah, buddy. PhD, everybody. Then tomorrow night, Nicky Ziering is going to be in here from National Lampoon movie coming out. Kevin Nealon, funny man, Kevin Nealon. Kevin Nealon, quietly one of the funnier guys you're ever going to want to meet.

24:45 Drew Yeah.

24:45 Adam Never catch a guy trying too hard, but exquisitely funny.

24:48 Drew And on SNL forever.

24:50 Adam Yeah. Well, hasn't been on for 10 years.

24:52 Drew But he had been on forever.

24:53 Adam Had been on for like a season and a half.

24:55 Drew Seems like he's still on.

24:57 Adam Seems that funny. Yes. Yes. Very fun. Had the pleasure of working with him on Crank Yankers. And then after that, James Tony. James lights out Tony. Boxer got himself a couple of crowns. And I think he's like 68 and 4 or something. Beat Holyfield. Beats everybody, actually. One of the most entertaining guys to watch in the ring. Slick. Slick and crazy. He'll be in here Thursday night. All right. Angelica. Hello. You're 21? Engineer Chris. Pull James Tony's record. Let me see the guys. He's fun. All right. Go ahead, Angelica.

25:40 Caller My question is an addiction that I pretty much know that I have that kind of sucks. I got addicted to Vicodin when I got my gallbladder removed in March of this year. And it's not like a downer for me. It's like a upper.

25:57 Drew Right. Like all addicts. If we're downer, you couldn't continue to function with it.

26:01 Adam Yeah. What's your gallbladder do, Drew? Do you need it? What's going on with that?

26:06 Drew It's all stores bile and it squirts them out when you need it.

26:09 Adam What do you need bile for?

26:10 Drew Fat absorption.

26:11 Adam You need bile for fat absorption?

26:13 Face To Face In-laws.

26:14 Adam Really? Just give them a little squirt like a squid? I'd like to skew bile at my enemies. You know what I mean? I mean, farting is good, but let's face it, bile, little bile in the eye. That would be awesome. Yeah. And by the way, after a couple of shots of the bile in the eye, you command the complete respect of the room. Oh, Mr. Corolla, looking good. If you lost weight, we have your table ready. Just pow. A couple of shots of bile. And then after a while, all you got to do is give that I'm going to shoot some bile pose. I'm feeling bilious. I'm feeling bilious. Oh, so bilious. Yeah. What do you do with that? So it shoots a little bile out. And then what?

26:53 Drew You can just have stuff drain out. It doesn't have to be squirted out by that bladder. And so you don't have to have that.

26:59 Adam And what's the definition of bile? Just a stomach muck? What exactly? Where do you get?

27:06 Drew It's produced by the liver. It makes you, if it backs up behind the liver, it's what turns you yellow.

27:10 Adam Oh, the bile.

27:10 Drew It's byproducts of hemoglobin metabolism.

27:13 Adam Oh, real doctor or just a love doctor? All right. All right. So you don't need it? No, you don't have the bladder.

27:20 Drew You need bile needs to come out. You need to free it.

27:22 Adam Did we used to need it? What's the theory?

27:24 Drew It probably makes your fat absorption and your nutritional absorption more efficient.

27:29 Adam So it was better back in the day when we're.

27:31 Drew It's still good to have it.

27:32 Adam It's still good to have.

27:32 Drew It would have been a day when we would eat only occasionally. We'd have to get every calorie we could out of the meal.

27:36 Adam Right.

27:37 Drew Yeah.

27:37 Adam Well, maybe this is an argument, by the way, for people who put on too much weight.

27:42 Drew No, doesn't seem to do.

27:43 Adam Doesn't work that way. I like to try it anyway. Angelica. OK, so you got you got addicted to opiates and hooked on that.

27:51 Drew OK, I want to know why would it be an upper instead of like a downer for like other people that like take it once because one of the things about being an addict is the drug has to make you feel good and if you are someone that has a preponderance of what's called the mu receptor in your brain, which is what is part of the genetic makeup of people who get addiction. Opiates and alcohol tend to be uppers, not not. They don't make you go to sleep like they do everybody else. They make you want to go to work, do things and go to war, go to work. I was going to say. But it makes you feel as though everything is okay and you can function better than ever and of course then it spirals out of control and it's the most serious addiction you can possibly get.

28:29 Adam You mean the opiate one?

28:31 Drew Opiates, yeah.

28:31 Caller The withdrawals, like how would I get myself off of it would be like?

28:36 Drew You have to go be treated. You need to be in a hospital.

28:38 Caller So it would have to be detox. You couldn't like wing yourself off of it.

28:41 Drew Once you get off it, you'll go right back on, guaranteed.

28:44 Adam I don't think it's winged off it by the way, it's winged.

28:46 Drew Yeah, there's no such thing as somebody who just leaves opiates behind if they're actually addicted. Yeah.

28:52 Adam How many have you taken a day?

28:54 Caller Well, I was up to like seven to eight and then now I'm down to three.

28:58 Drew That's pretty good.

28:59 Adam You're up at seven and eight.

29:02 Caller Yeah, like every, like twice a day.

29:04 Drew Oh, 16 a day.

29:06 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

29:08 Adam By the way, when someone says like how many times you beat off a day and I go twice, but five times a day.

29:15 Drew Every four hours.

29:16 Adam Go ahead and just combine those numbers and that'll be our final answer. How many meals do you eat? I eat one every 10 minutes. So about 400 meals. All right. Well, interesting way of saying that's seven or eight. Oh, that's not bad. Three times a day. Oh, that's 24. All right, baby doll. So where do you, how many all total do you take a day now?

29:39 Caller Now three.

29:41 Drew Total? Not six, three. That's pretty good.

29:45 Face To Face Do you pop at morning, noon, and night or are these all at once?

29:48 Caller It's all at once.

29:49 Drew Are you doing something else to deal with the withdrawals? Are you taking Xanax or Valium or Pot?

29:53 Caller How do you know?

29:54 Drew Because that's the only way you could be doing this.

29:56 Caller Yeah, it's a Xanax, but then they gave me Valium.

29:59 Drew Yeah, but now you're going to get it strung out on those.

30:01 Caller Yeah.

30:01 Adam Who gave you Valium?

30:03 Caller The doctor.

30:05 Drew This is such a common thing.

30:07 Adam Really, why?

30:09 Drew Because it will counteract the withdrawal, but they get strung out on that.

30:11 Adam Yeah, but are you just supposed to be prescribing other drugs?

30:14 Drew Doctors don't understand addiction.

30:16 Adam They don't.

30:17 Drew They really don't. They just don't. Yeah, so you go and say, I'm having withdrawal. They go, oh, here, I'll help you with this. And you give them the right medicine, but it really doesn't understand what this woman needs.

30:25 Adam I thought if you went to a doctor and said you were having withdrawal, they're like, oh, well, you've got to get treatment.

30:29 Drew Well, they should know.

30:30 Adam They should say that.

30:31 Caller They should know.

30:31 Adam They should prescribe more drugs.

30:32 Caller They told me to go to detox, but I have two kids, and I already get anxiety attacks as it is regarding leaving my kids behind.

30:39 Drew Angelica, you've got to go. Well, listen, nothing is more important to your kids than a mom who is sober. Because you being loaded all the time has a profound impact on their development.

30:49 Adam I bet that would be.

30:50 Drew That would be a good substitute for mom.

30:52 Face To Face Not to mention, you sound pretty rational and lucid at this point, and some people I've known that have gotten tremendously strung out on stuff like this get really bad off. So, as long as you have this sort of comprehension of your circumstances, seek treatment because it gets a lot harder the more strung out you become.

31:11 Adam Come on, mom. Where's dad, by the way?

31:14 Caller My dad?

31:16 Adam No, not your dad.

31:19 Drew There are two dads.

31:21 Caller Yeah.

31:22 Adam There's two dads.

31:22 Drew Magically knew that, too.

31:24 Adam I would have guessed three.

31:26 Face To Face Three dads for two kids.

31:27 Adam Yeah, we have that on the show a lot of the time.

31:28 Drew It was kind of like a cat. Yeah, they don't know. They think multiple. They don't know. Angelica, listen, you just go get treatment. Do not pass go. Just go. You're going to spend some time somewhere.

31:43 Adam Anyone talk to you about not crapping out any more kids, by the way? Oh, I'm done.

31:48 Drew All right, listen.

31:49 Adam I know you are, but let me talk to your vagina.

31:52 Drew Listen, you're in Mission Viejo. Hoag has a good program. There's a place called Sober by the Sea over there right across the street. Go.

31:59 Adam Catch of the day on the menu. There's a lot of fresh salt there. Nice. I could go for that. What's that called?

32:05 Drew Sober by the Sea.

32:06 Adam Sober by the Sea.

32:07 Drew I'm sending you, dude. Don't tempt me. I know where I'm going to send you when the time comes.

32:11 Adam Yeah, Sober by the Sea. Corolla up there, got his feet up, enjoying a nice cuticle push and a salt rub. Going to get one of those shaves with the hot towel. I could go for that. You know what I want? I want a nice barber shave. I've never had that. You know, with the belt and the straight edge and the hot towel, I just got the cigar sticking out of the towel.

32:34 Face To Face Somehow I always felt those guys were going to cut your throat. It's been an earthquake.

32:38 Adam I tell you, you get whacked. Yeah, that's what happens is the guys come in from the rival gang and they come in and they look at the barber and the barber quietly backs out the back door and you start talking smack about the rival gang, unbeknownst to you. The towel's over your head and they whack you right there. That's where they find you. Wouldn't it be nice still getting a nice shave with the hot lather? Oh, yeah. Dusting you, doing all that talkey, dusty stuff. Gotta get in. See, you know what someone should open? Someone should open a barber shop, Adam. No, quiet down. Throwback barber shops. A chain.

33:16 Drew Retro barber shop.

33:19 Adam It's got the barber pole out front. It's got, you know, the combs and everything are in the blue liquid. It's got like a Playboy from 1958 out there. It's got everything's old. The guys, guys weren't, you know, all the barbers look like Floyd from Mayberry. You know, they got the hair, the pomade.

33:36 Face To Face I got that haircut on tour. I had to shave my head.

33:39 Adam Oh, you got that bad haircut.

33:41 Caller I seek out barber shops like that, actually. It's a great one in Denver called The Uppercut.

33:45 Adam That's a good one. The guys, you know, they just got the straight edge and the belt.

33:48 Caller But they still use the straight razor on the back of your neck.

33:51 Adam Yeah.

33:51 Caller You know, to trim that part.

33:53 Adam The hot lather machine. And not the plastic thing that you drop the shaving canister into that heats it, but the machine. It's like a cast aluminum thing that you actually add a little water and there's like a piece of soap at the bottom.

34:07 Caller Same combs for everybody, just soaked in barbersol all day long.

34:10 Adam Right. That's really just a blue dye in it, by the way. And they just get that hot lather, get it going. That's scraping along the... Then start dusting it. Whip you around with the towel.

34:26 Face To Face You don't really feel like somebody when you get that kind of treatment, huh?

34:29 Adam Man. Trevor's had that. You gotta do that. But if there was a chain, like if there was a chain like Fantastic Sams or Supercuts or something.

34:39 Caller Fantastic Floyds?

34:39 Adam But it was just Fantastic Floyds.

34:41 Caller There it is. Let's do it.

34:44 Drew Floyd the Barber.

34:45 Caller We should start it up.

34:46 Adam The motto is 1950s Barbary.

34:52 Drew Stop with your head.

34:55 Adam Barbary.

34:56 Drew Barbary.

34:56 Caller You call it the Barbary Coast.

34:57 Adam 1985 prices. You know what I mean? It's not quite that cheap, but it's still pretty good. Yeah? Yeah. Oh yeah. That's good. All right. Playing old time music in there.

35:08 Face To Face I could in the shave two pence.

35:10 Adam Everyone walks out looking like Ricky Nelson.

35:13 Drew But here's the deal. Here's the trick. You've got to upgrade it to 2004 standards, so it's got to be plasma screens with football games playing and stuff. But it's all in the mirrors. All in the mirrors. Just like behind you up top.

35:22 Adam No. I say the plasma screens are showing like 50s movies. It's totally retro. It's like one of those old diners. You don't know where, you don't know what time you're in. Music is playing, the whole thing. David? Yeah. Black guys shining shoes. Oh yeah, there's racism. Sure. Whatever it was in the 50s. You know what I'm saying? And if there was racism where we open a chain like Selma, Alabama, 1955, we don't cut black men's hair. It's so... I'm just saying it's that authentic.

35:54 Drew That's two drink and fountains.

35:55 Adam I'm just saying it's a commitment to that kind of authenticity. That's all I'm saying.

36:00 Drew So much for that idea.

36:01 Adam All right. Besides, these guys can't cut a fro anyway. If you really think about it, they don't know what they're doing.

36:07 Face To Face All right.

36:08 Adam All right. All right. So we took a turn.

36:10 Face To Face Can't cut that kind of here.

36:11 Adam David?

36:12 Yeah.

36:13 Adam You're 25?

36:14 Caller Yeah. Before I start, there's a place in Yucca Valley called King Arthur's and they do that.

36:19 Drew King Arthur's.

36:20 Adam Got to head out to Yucca Valley next time I need a trip.

36:23 Drew It's worth the drive. All right. Dave, what's up?

36:26 Caller Well, I've been with my girlfriend for about three months and with her, she's the only girl that I've had this problem with. I can't seem to get it up.

36:34 Adam Three months? Three months of no boners?

36:38 Caller Well, like while we're kissing, whatever, you know, I can, but once it comes down to it, I don't know if I just get nervous, but I can't get my hair.

36:46 Drew Are you on any medication?

36:48 Caller I'm not on any medication.

36:49 Drew Are you doing drugs or alcohol?

36:51 Caller I do not do drugs. I drink a little, but I don't do drugs.

36:53 Drew All right.

36:53 Face To Face Her sister's hot, isn't she?

36:56 Drew And do you really like this girl? You're completely freaked out about her?

36:59 Caller You know, you sort of... She's the hottest girl I've been with.

37:02 Drew Yeah, yeah.

37:02 Adam He's just freaked out. So have you ever had... Have you never had sex with her?

37:09 Caller Oh, no. We have. But it's just I don't get fully rekt, so it usually...

37:12 Drew That fold-over effect that you were talking about last night.

37:15 Adam No. That bad thing where you're just trying to stuff... Trying to stuff that springs back into the toffee can.

37:25 Face To Face I think you're psyching yourself out. I think you need to drink a couple beers and put on some pornography. Everything will be just fine.

37:33 Drew You do seem to be overly anxious about all this. And you're right. You are scared. And anxiety does not... It works against sexual functioning more than anything else. Just cool out.

37:45 Adam Yeah. But you can't just yell at someone to cool out.

37:49 Drew What are we going to do? I don't know.

37:51 Adam Do you give her oral sex?

37:53 Caller No, I don't.

37:55 Adam Really? Why not?

37:57 Caller I don't know. Then I get disappointed.

38:03 Drew Well, she's not disappointed if you start with oral sex.

38:04 Adam How about a little oral sex, though?

38:09 Caller We usually just start off with sex, and then...

38:13 Drew David, don't be so combative.

38:16 Adam I know. By the way, the world's dumbest scholar is just like, do you do any oral sex? Well, we usually just start off, yeah. Well, why don't you do... Yeah, we just normally start off... It's like a personal trainer going, well, do you stretch out before you work out? I go right into thrust squats. Yeah, I know, but you should be stretching out. Yeah, I go right into the military press. I know. The person is telling you, you should be doing this. He just keeps powering...

38:40 Face To Face Don't go straight for the conquest. Make some sweet love to her. I'm sure she would appreciate it.

38:46 Adam And by the way, this guy is like trying to take a pipe cleaner and push it through a piece of plywood. This guy doesn't get the tools going here. He should be the one who's performing the oral sex. He wants to go right for the thing he's not doing.

39:03 Drew But not only that, he's fixedated the idea that she's disappointed by not getting sex because he would be disappointed. She's disappointed because he's not getting an erection, so she feels it must be because of her. If he just went ahead with the oral sex, the whole thing would be...

39:17 Face To Face David, self-defeating spiral.

39:19 Adam How about some oral sex?

39:20 Caller All right, I'll try that next time.

39:22 Drew Start with that. Yeah.

39:25 Face To Face Run the alphabet.

39:25 Adam And do it. Don't just do it until you run out of air. You've got to take a breath. All right. It's not... He's not like quite a lover. He's disappointed. What do you want us to do? To strap some tongue depressors to your penis and wrap it with duct tape so you could have sex with her?

39:43 Drew You could go talk to the doctor. But he could get on Viagra or something like that.

39:47 Adam Get on Viagra, but give her a good 15 minutes of oral sex. She'll enjoy that.

39:52 Face To Face You know, even masturbate.

39:53 Drew David, David, just because you don't.

39:55 Adam David, are you retarded? What's wrong with you? Give her oral sex.

39:59 Caller I know, I guess. I've never really been interested in doing it, but I guess I'm going to have to.

40:03 Drew Listen, she will not have an orgasm with intercourse anyway.

40:05 Adam He sounds like a marvelous lover.

40:07 Drew Do you understand that?

40:08 Caller Yeah. I've never had this problem before, though.

40:11 Adam I know, but look, David, would you listen to me? First off, what do you do for a living?

40:16 Caller Actually, I buff floors.

40:18 Adam You buff floors. I buff floors. All right. All right. And me, I'm literally a millionaire. So who are you going to listen to?

40:25 Caller I'm listening to you.

40:27 Adam The guy with the floor buffer or the guy with the house and the hills? I'm literally a millionaire. Literally.

40:34 Face To Face Here, I'll go out on a limb. The floor buffing chemicals have rendered him impotent.

40:38 Drew No. No. All right. No.

40:40 Adam No. But it's definitely...

40:41 Drew So he's still going to fall out of the direct.

40:43 Adam But it's definitely melted away his frontal lobe.

40:45 Caller I'm going to try to buff that floor up to a shine.

40:47 Adam Listen to me, floor buffer. To process. All right. I used to clean carpets, by the way. We're arch enemies, by the way. The floor buffers. With carpet lawn versus to buffer. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Linoleum guy versus to shag. Oh, yeah. It's like when the Army and the Navy played Joe. You think they would be friends. Uh-uh.

41:03 Drew No, no.

41:04 Adam Bitter rivals.

41:05 Drew Of course.

41:06 Adam So David.

41:07 Drew Frater side.

41:08 Adam Cops and firemen. Give her oral sex. All right. Nice, loving, rhythmic, slow, easy.

41:14 Drew Not what you want. Not what you would like. Forget about what you want.

41:17 Adam Surprise her with some lovely oral sex, all right?

41:23 Drew You never do it. You waste your time.

41:25 Adam This is why this guy's horrible. See, look, he's thinking like a guy.

41:29 Drew Yes.

41:29 Adam He's so fixated on his penis. It's all about him and his penis.

41:32 Drew Right.

41:33 Adam Then it's about disappointing her and not coming through.

41:35 Drew But it's all about intercourse and having an orgasm, and that's all it is for a guy.

41:37 Adam Give her a nice arm. All right. Face to Face here tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

41:46 Caller Call a line 100-LOVE-1-I-1.

41:50 Can you get addicted to ash?

41:51 Caller Or it's when I pee. That's pretty accurate.

42:19 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Oh.

42:26 Drew Uh-oh. You know what?

42:27 Adam My cup is leaking, Drew.

42:29 Drew That's what that is.

42:30 Caller You got the trick cup.

42:30 Adam My wallet is soaking wet now. Trevor and Scott here tonight from Face To Face.

42:36 Drew Hey.

42:37 Caller Hey.

42:40 Adam They're going to be at the House of Blues in Anaheim tomorrow, and all the way through Sunday, Monday. I got to do the math.

42:50 Caller Anaheim for three, and then Hollywood for another three.

42:54 Adam Oh, yes. There's Anaheim House of Blues for three, right, and then the House of Blues in Los Angeles. Those are all sold out, but there are tickets available for Wednesday and Thursday night show at the House of Blues in Anaheim. That's what I want to say. I have a question for the band right here from Jason. He's 31. Jason?

43:15 Caller Yeah. Good evening, Adam. Good evening, Drew.

43:16 Adam Good evening.

43:18 Caller Yeah, I just had a question for the guys from Face To Face. They did a cover of the theme song for the cartoon, Floyd the Barber, for the Saturday morning cartoon project. That was quite a few years ago. What I was curious about, I just wanted to ask them, is where they dug up the lyrics for the theme for Popeye. I used to watch it as a kid and I never saw those lyrics. Just curious about what it was like to work on that.

43:40 Adam Did you say Popeye?

43:44 Caller It was a cover of the Popeye theme song on that.

43:46 Adam Well, but wait a minute. It's some Popeye the Sailor Man. What's how's the rest go?

43:53 Caller Yeah, it's a good question.

43:54 Caller Popeye the Sailor Man, Popeye the Sailor Man.

43:58 Adam Oh, what is it? Do you guys know the lyrics?

44:00 Face To Face It goes, taking care of business every day.

44:05 Caller Twelve year career and all anyone can remember is a Popeye cover we did. This is why we're throwing in the towel.

44:11 Adam I was, we're actually, where did you find the lyrics?

44:16 Caller The internet.

44:16 Adam The internet.

44:17 Caller Where does anybody find anything?

44:18 Adam Jason. You know that magical box you use to look at porn? You can also look up lyrics to songs.

44:26 Caller Yeah, okay. I just wonder if they, if I've never ever heard lyrics that theme song. Is that your real voice? Where they got them from.

44:31 Face To Face This is a put on, isn't it?

44:33 Adam He's Canadian.

44:35 Caller No, it's dead serious.

44:36 Adam All right, Jason. Thanks. I was, it was Popeye's 75th anniversary, by the way, like on Friday. And I was starting to think about the original pitch for Popeye, the cartoon, like, yeah, he's a sailor. He, okay, keep going, Bert, I'm listening. Huge forearms. Okay. Smokes a pipe. All right. Eats spinach. Yeah.

44:59 Drew Kids will love that. It makes them eat the right food.

45:01 Adam Got a spindly girlfriend named Olive Oil.

45:04 Face To Face Wasn't he a wartime creation to help push surplus spinach?

45:09 Adam It makes sense.

45:10 Drew That would fit.

45:10 Adam And what happens when he eats his spinach? He gets super strong. Even the canned stuff? Yeah. How does he open the can? Only the canned stuff. He uses his pipe. Okay, Bob, I'm going to need to take a couple days off and really think about what we're trying to do here at ACME Comics.

45:25 Caller It's easily one of the most depressing cartoons ever on television.

45:28 Adam I remember being eight and thinking, I'm going to kill myself.

45:32 Caller The story behind that is we were approached to do a CD that was all Saturday morning cartoons.

45:47 Adam A baby with no parents. Sweet Pea. Sweet Pea was an orphan child. Then there was Brutus.

45:53 Caller Bluto.

45:54 Adam Bluto. Clearly.

45:55 Caller Bluto and then Brutus.

45:56 Caller Really?

45:57 Adam There's Bluto and Brutus. Both leather fags.

46:00 Drew Same guys though, right? It looked like the same guys.

46:02 Face To Face Pretty much.

46:03 Adam Yeah, I mean he was pursuing olive oil, but he had all this pent up anger and sexuality towards Popeye.

46:09 Face To Face He was only ever pursuing her as far as he could get in a fight with greased up Popeye.

46:12 Adam Right, yeah. He really is. He's a beard. He everything but chaps this guy. And then.

46:17 Face To Face Wimpy?

46:19 Adam Wimpy. Who was this guy who just wanted hamburgers, who never really did anything or contributed to the plot or the story. His whole thing was like he would gladly pay you on Tuesday for a hamburger today. Like, how high was the person that came up with Popeye and how did it ever catch on? How starved were we for entertainment back then?

46:38 Face To Face It sure made those hamburgers look delicious.

46:40 Adam Yeah, Wimpy would just keep it. He was sort of a Stan Laurel type or, you know, he would just kill Roy almost. Yeah, he would just he would play with his tie. And then there was the Jeep. The Jeep. The Jeep was this sort of like mythical half dog thing.

47:00 Drew No, Jeep was like a like a invisible, like a microcephalic, wasn't it? Didn't had a big long nose and a weird no head, basically.

47:07 Adam He looked like a dog with a with a weird drunken nose, and he could walk through walls. But no one seemed to be friends with each other. It was the whole thing was a kooky hodgepodge.

47:17 Caller I went along with the weird characters like Alice the Goon.

47:22 Drew Alice the Goon was a microcephalic retard. That's what they look like.

47:27 Adam Oh, really?

47:27 Drew It's called Pierre Robin Center. That's what they look like.

47:30 Adam Really?

47:31 Drew Yeah.

47:31 Adam Microcephalic?

47:32 Drew Yeah.

47:32 Adam What does that mean?

47:33 Drew No brain, basically.

47:35 Face To Face Is that what pinheads are?

47:37 Adam Wow. All I knew is I was depressed after watching this.

47:41 Caller It was a very depressing cartoon.

47:42 Adam Yeah.

47:42 Caller But a great video game in the 80s arcade era video games.

47:46 Drew Let's go kill ourselves.

47:47 Caller Let's go.

47:48 Adam I really want to do it. Engineer Chris, pull up some Popeye. It's crazy. The Jeep. The Seahag. What the hell is going on? Yes. All right. Let's take a quick break. We'll be right back. All right, guys.

48:02 Face To Face Here's the deal. You're looking to hook up?

48:04 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

48:06 Face To Face One call is all you need to make.

48:08 Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

48:11 Face To Face Call the Dateline.

48:12 Drew 1-800-HOLLA-LINE.

48:55 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LLV-E-191. Dr. Drew, Board Certified. Face to Face in the studio tonight. Band's gonna be at House of Blues in Anaheim for three big dates starting tomorrow, and then off to the House of Blues out here on the world famous Sunset Strip. All right, we're just having a angry walk down memory lane, talking about all the horrible, horrible cartoons we had to watch as kids. It just flat out sucked.

49:29 Face To Face Wally Gator.

49:33 Adam I would like to find Hannah and Barbera and who else, Sid and Marty Croft and just put them in the ground. Listen, old man, you guys sucked. And by the way, they made millions off of just junk, just horrible junky cartoons. Everyone waxes poetic about this stuff, but go back and look at this crap. Just pure crap and no choice. It's all we had. Just sitting there and watching. Even my beloved Speed Racer isn't standing to test the time.

50:03 Drew Isn't there one more duel, a couple of writers that did the animatronic kind of thing. They do like Spratty the Snowman.

50:12 Adam Oh yeah, that was the best we could do, by the way. It's just waiting for Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer to show up.

50:20 Drew Who did that?

50:21 Adam I don't know, but if your kids watch that, they would attack the TV screen angrily.

50:25 Caller It gives you a bad homesick feeling to watch those shows.

50:28 Adam Yeah.

50:30 Face To Face Yeah, your name is Drew P.

50:32 Drew He was funny.

50:37 Caller Bugs Bunny was always a cut above, though.

50:38 Adam Yeah, that was a cut above.

50:39 Face To Face Daffy's good, Daffy's good.

50:41 Adam Then there was Full Warner. Jabberjaw, remember that? He was a shark, he was a great white shark. It was like a wuss.

50:49 Caller Plastic Man.

50:50 Adam Yeah, all that stuff was horrible.

50:51 Caller Harlem Globetrotters.

50:52 Adam Grape Ape, it was an ape that was purple and all it would say is, Grape Ape, Grape Ape. That's the lead, that's the lead. You're gonna build several episodes around this thing that just says, Grape Ape.

51:06 Face To Face I only liked the beginning of George of the Jungle with the black and white footage of the airplane going through the barn and the trains colliding.

51:12 Adam Yeah, that was a good theme song, good theme. But I did like Tom Slick.

51:16 Drew That was J Ward though.

51:17 Adam Yeah, J Ward was good.

51:18 Caller Those were good cartoons.

51:19 Adam Bullwinkle, all that stuff. Yeah, he was a little higher than the other guys and a little better imagination.

51:25 Face To Face What, Lidsville? HR Puffin stuff?

51:27 Caller Any Sid and Marty Croft stuff.

51:28 Adam This must have been just high as kites, just creating all that crap. Yeah, Sigmund and the Sea Monster. That was great. Go back, by the way, go back and catch one of those on like Nick at Night or something one of these days. It's horrible. It's unwatchable.

51:43 Drew Oh, I try to get my kids to watch a few minutes of it just to show them.

51:45 Adam No, impossible.

51:46 Drew No way.

51:47 Adam Erin?

51:48 Caller Yeah. I've been dating this guy for a while, like, I don't know, four weeks. And recently, like in the past couple of weeks, he keeps telling me that I look and remind him of his sister, who in turn reminds him of his mother. And I've like tried to say something about it without being like flat out shut the hay up, you know?

52:12 Drew Why don't you say that it freaks you out and it's weird. I mean, without being aggressive about it, you can say, hey, that seems funny to me. What are you trying to tell me?

52:23 Caller Yeah, like, I don't know. Like, I've kind of done that and he just sort of avoids it.

52:28 Caller He's just like, no, it's not a bad thing.

52:30 Caller And I'm just like, well, it's kind of weird.

52:31 Face To Face He's trying to steer the relationship into Friendsville. You're just not picking up on it.

52:35 Caller Oh, that could be.

52:37 Adam Didn't Sid Marty Croft produce that?

52:39 Drew Friendsville, yeah, yeah.

52:40 Adam With the flute. And by the way, the most creative thing they could do is just name stuff after what it was. Like, well, it's Grape Ape and it's Freddie the Flute. What else? What do you are? Your guitar? How about Gary? Brilliant! Really? Just that's it? Just alliteration? That's all we had? That's it. What's that about? Hair bear, hair bear, hair bear bunch, hair bear, hair bear bunch. You're writing this down? Ted, this is gold.

53:17 Drew Banana splits.

53:18 Adam Banana splits. Banana splits. Yeah. Like, hair bear. What's that about? Well, the bears have hair, big hair.

53:27 Face To Face Sigmund, the sea monster.

53:29 Adam Alliteration. That's all they had. That's all they had. We should sue them. I'd like to kick those old ass right in the nuts. I want my childhood back, old man. Just backhand him, you brittle sack of bone. Give it back. Oh, that house you got? I want that.

53:46 Drew That's the envy part. I knew that was coming.

53:48 Face To Face The blood of our childhood.

53:49 Adam The blood of my childhood. I can never get that back. Damaged goods now. Because of your junk. All right. Really, couldn't we have just stared at an anthill and hit ourselves with a frying pan in the head? Wouldn't it have been more entertaining?

54:01 Drew Way better.

54:01 Adam All right. Where the hell is she? I'm all fired up now. Erin, three. Erin? Yes? All right. Tell him to stop. Tell him it's weird.

54:11 Drew That's it. And ask him to interpret it. Please tell you what he means by that. What exactly is he saying? And by the way, if you look like his sister, fine. Shut up.

54:21 Caller Yeah.

54:22 Face To Face Are you frugal like mom or sexy like mom?

54:25 Adam Yeah. Which is...

54:26 Caller Well, see, I don't know. At first, I thought maybe he's trying to break it off with me, but then I realized he's not that smart, though. He's really not that smart. He wouldn't think to do something like that.

54:38 Face To Face Four weeks. You haven't vested much time into him. Dump and move on.

54:42 Caller Okay.

54:43 Face To Face There's a lot of other guys out there who you don't remind them of, their mother.

54:47 Caller I just thought it was a little Freudian, you know?

54:49 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. All right. You're not in love with him. No. All right. Cut your losses then. The hoodoo guru. Gee, what rhymes with guru? Bob, that's not a word. Well, we'll just call them that. All right. Next. What do we have to do next? Oh, that's it. Hoodoo guru. Yeah. Not a bad band, though. Remember the hoodoo gurus?

55:11 Face To Face Kind of. No?

55:13 Caller I can't think of a song, but I know the name.

55:15 Adam Oh, got some.

55:16 Caller I know the name.

55:16 Adam Had a few hits.

55:17 Drew I'm obsessing about my house right now. My wife just called me and said our dog got sprayed by skunks.

55:21 Caller Yeah.

55:22 Adam Oh.

55:23 Caller Yeah.

55:23 Adam That's bad times, by the way. That is not. That doesn't come out. You got to put the dog down. No. You got to have the kids do it. Have the kids put the dog down. Yeah. Make them a man. Give them the kind of childhood we had with those crappy cartoons by having to kill their dog. Drew, what are you going to do?

55:38 Drew I don't know.

55:39 Adam You got to do something. No. She doesn't know what to do.

55:44 Drew Well, she cleaned them all up.

55:45 Adam She did?

55:46 Drew Yeah, yeah.

55:46 Adam But it still smells?

55:47 Drew Yeah.

55:48 Adam Well, look, here's all anyone knows about skunks. But somebody call us and tell us what to do with the skunk, which is they know the tomato juice thing from the episode of The Partridge Family, where they got sprayed with the tomato juice.

56:01 Drew Was it Partridge Family or Brady Bunch?

56:02 Adam It was Partridge Family. Yeah? You guys remember that episode?

56:06 Caller I think so.

56:06 Adam That's the only reason I know tomato juice. Everything I know is just from TV.

56:09 Caller Well, I've seen it on TV somewhere. I don't know.

56:11 Adam It was an episode of The Partridge Family where they got a skunk crawled into the bus and they had to take baths in tomato juice. All right. So that's what everyone knows. But I don't know if that actually works or not. It's probably better or nothing, but on the other hand, that's a lot of tomato juice.

56:27 Face To Face I think you need to nuke the site from orbit just to be sure.

56:30 Adam You're going to have to shave the dog, Drew.

56:33 Drew Nice. Tonight?

56:33 Adam You have to do something. Put them in the tub and put some like...

56:36 Drew I was saying, if you ever smelled this, that, if you ever, I think, oh my God.

56:40 Adam Your wife?

56:41 Drew She's like, we have skunks. We have skunks for years, but I guess it really is different when it's close up.

56:45 Adam Here's the thing. When a skunk sprays up in the hill and you're driving your car, I mean, you smell skunks on the freeway.

56:51 Drew Right.

56:52 Adam If you're driving through LA and a skunk sprayed on the hill, you will smell it driving a car going 80 miles an hour. So if it's essentially in your home, it's going to be bad times. And what can we do about this?

57:04 Drew I don't know. There must be people that-

57:06 Adam Somebody phone in and tell us what to do about the skunk spray.

57:09 Drew They're geniuses. We love our callers.

57:12 Adam All right. They're going to help tonight, Drew. And we broadcast a lot of rural areas where they have these sort of homespun remedies. Loretta? You're 18?

57:25 Caller I'm 18.

57:26 Adam How do you get skunk smell out?

57:30 Caller I don't know.

57:30 Adam All right.

57:31 Caller I've never had a skunk on me before.

57:33 Drew Fair enough.

57:34 Adam What's up?

57:36 Caller Well, I was diagnosed with something called vaginismus. Should I explain what that is?

57:41 Drew No. We know what that is.

57:42 Adam Drew, explain what that is.

57:43 Drew It's where the vaginal muscles constrict and you can't get anything in there.

57:47 Adam Yeah. It's like a venous flytrap.

57:50 Drew Literally.

57:51 Caller Oh, I was told that it's when you experience panic and physical pain when you try to insert something into your vagina.

58:01 Drew And then it causes the muscles to spasm. Actually, there's some theory that it's not even necessarily anxiety-driven, there could even be sort of a spinal reflex that gets put in place. Yeah.

58:14 Adam Yeah. Well, was it brought on by anything? Trauma? Do you have any trauma?

58:19 Caller I don't. Well, one time, see, the whole thing is that I've been trying to use tampons for quite a while. And in eighth grade, when I probably wasn't too developed, I tried to use one and I got it caught in there, or at least I thought I did. And so I got really nervous and I panicked and I couldn't take it out, so I thought maybe that would be the cause, but I'm not sure.

58:39 Drew No, the reason that you panicked and freaked out is due to something much earlier.

58:45 Adam Anything?

58:46 Caller I don't think so.

58:48 Caller I mean, I don't remember anything.

58:51 Face To Face Weird uncles lurking around in the shadows. Nothing.

58:54 Caller No, no, weird uncles.

58:55 Drew All right, so what are you doing about it? Are you still a virgin?

59:00 Caller Yeah, so, well, my main question is, yeah, I'm still a virgin, but my main concern is that I want to solve the problem sort of like so that I can either masturbate or use a tampon, but like the only advice that I've been able to find online is about like, you know, for sex and like how to please your partner and stuff, and that kind of pisses me off because I like to be able to solve it for myself, so I was wondering what kind of, like, Well, hold on a second.

59:25 Adam To masturbate, you don't really need to assert anything.

59:30 Drew Right.

59:31 Caller Right, I know. I just like to try that because I think that would be interesting, and like I want to like explore new parts, I guess, but.

59:36 Adam Sure.

59:37 Drew You know, if you listen, if you're able to sort of do that, maybe things will kind of loosen up and open up on their own.

59:44 Adam It must be weird, by the way, you're 18 and there's a part of you you've never been into. It's like living in a house for 18 years, like never been in that room, not been in there. What? What? There's a new car in the garage? Well, new from 1987. It's not new anymore. It's been in there for 18 years. Yeah. Like, how does that work? I think I must add my hand on my junket six months.

1:00:07 Drew Oh, yeah, you did.

1:00:08 Adam Yeah. And then it was like, how much, how much, what's the.

1:00:11 Drew PSI.

1:00:12 Adam What's the tensile strength of it? How much can it lift? What can I do? What can I do with it? It's smacking around. I got to launch a roll of tube socks with a boner. I mean, putting it, putting it through, you know, like, like a Consumer Reports kind of test. A chimp with the Samsonite.

1:00:28 Face To Face Perhaps she's unusually small down there.

1:00:30 Adam She may be. And she also has this vaginismus.

1:00:34 Drew But it's been said in the.

1:00:35 Adam One that just, can they, can they name stuff that doesn't make you sound drunk when you're trying to pronounce it? What do you got, vaginismus?

1:00:43 Drew She doesn't have the usual. She doesn't sound like she has the usual anxiety and sort of fear of that part of her body that most people seem to have.

1:00:51 Adam She just seems to have it.

1:00:52 Drew She just has it, which makes it think that it's more of a reflexive thing at this point.

1:00:55 Adam Well, let's talk about this because there are certain things, especially with women, but they're, they're from doing the show, we've learned that there are people that are born gay and then there are people that are molested and they become gay. And we talked to them both. We don't pass judgment. We hate them both. But we, no, we don't pass judgment. But we do understand that that's how it works. And with the vaginismus thing, that's how it works, too. There are those who get it because they were assaulted or molested when they were younger. And now they have all this anxiety around that area. And then once in a while, sounds like someone who has a legitimate medical problem.

1:01:31 Drew Just them. Yeah.

1:01:32 Adam Right.

1:01:34 Drew And I know that one of the ways they treat this, or occasionally they will, is use sort of graduated acrylic little devices that open you up slowly.

1:01:42 Face To Face Like one of those shoe stretchers.

1:01:43 Drew Exactly. Precisely. And she's already interested in sort of exploring. She will figure this out. I bet you. Yeah.

1:01:50 Adam By the way, that shoe stretcher that my grandpa had, he used to put his shoes ranked up there in my top five of toys, which means bad childhood. Like, hey, it's the shoe. Look at me. I'm walking. Hey, it's Invisible Man. Is there a spring load in here? Oh, ours.

1:02:05 Drew It's a shoe tree.

1:02:06 Adam What, the tree?

1:02:07 Drew It's a shoe tree.

1:02:07 Adam No, it's not a shoe tree.

1:02:09 Drew Anybody? It's called a shoe tree.

1:02:11 Adam Is it called a shoe tree?

1:02:12 Drew Yes.

1:02:12 Adam The stretcher thing that you stuff in there?

1:02:14 Drew Because it looks like a little Christmas tree.

1:02:16 Adam I thought the tree is where you stored the shoes.

1:02:18 Drew Help me, anybody.

1:02:19 Adam Anybody?

1:02:20 Face To Face I wouldn't know for sure.

1:02:21 Caller Don't know.

1:02:21 Adam You got to work that out.

1:02:22 Drew When they call about the skunk, tell me about the shoe tree.

1:02:25 Caller We need skunk and shoe tree.

1:02:27 Adam Anderson says it's shoe tree. Now we're back down to 50-50 again. Hey, engineer Chris, shoe tree. Get on there, buddy.

1:02:34 Drew Give us a picture of one.

1:02:35 Adam Yeah, give me a picture. That's a shoe tree. I thought we assumed that a shoe tree is where you...

1:02:40 Drew Hung your shoes.

1:02:41 Adam Yeah, you know, they have those racks that are sure to be put on.

1:02:44 Drew It's a rack.

1:02:45 Adam Oh, is it a shoe tree because it's wood? Or because it grows and stretches?

1:02:49 Drew I don't know.

1:02:51 Adam Anyway, good times with those things, huh? Yeah. That, boy, if anyone now, we weren't...

1:02:56 Drew If you had a Popeye, you had the ideal childhood.

1:02:57 Adam We weren't rich enough for the shoe buffer thing.

1:02:59 Face To Face That and avoiding landmines probably made your childhood a lot of fun, huh?

1:03:02 Adam Yeah, it was great in Cambodia. Casey? You're 17?

1:03:09 Caller Yep.

1:03:09 Adam What's up, baby doll?

1:03:11 Caller Well, I've been listening to the show for about a year, and in that time, I've kind of developed an interest in what Dr. Drew does, so I kind of wanted to do a different thing.

1:03:21 Adam Stepping on my jokes? Is that what you want to make your living doing?

1:03:25 Caller Addiction medicine.

1:03:26 Adam Oh, the other thing he does.

1:03:29 Caller That thing. Well, I know that you have to go to college and then medical school, but I'm not sure how to do the addiction part of it, and I just kind of care for what he needs to do.

1:03:40 Drew The most, if you really want to practice addiction medicine, the two routes to that is, first, you do either an internal medicine or a psychiatric residency, and then you do a fellowship in addiction medicine.

1:03:53 Face To Face Or six bucks tops of honeycombs.

1:03:55 Drew So that's about five years or so after medical school. Okay. And it's an interesting field. It's really interesting, I think. It's the window into how the human mind works at a time when it's probably, to my estimation, the biggest health problem of our day.

1:04:13 Caller Really?

1:04:13 Drew Something great.

1:04:14 Adam Casey?

1:04:15 Drew We need more of you.

1:04:16 Adam How are your grades?

1:04:18 Caller I just graduated from high school, and I graduated with like a 3.1, so I guess not great, but okay.

1:04:24 Adam What is that, a B? A little above a B, right? Now we talk to people, by the way, who say they had like a 4.3 and stuff. I'm almost like, what? Is that like 110%? Can we just make 4 the ceiling? And by the way, now my 1.3 or whatever I had...

1:04:40 Drew Really bad.

1:04:41 Adam Yeah, it's getting worse by the day because everyone's getting toward 5 now. You know, my 1.3 when everyone was at a 3.6 is like, now everyone's like at a 4.5. What the hell? Like extra credit. Hey, you get beyond today. How do you do that? All right. Anyway, are you going to college?

1:04:57 Caller Yeah, I'm going to do community college for a while. All right, baby doll.

1:05:04 Adam You got to... You focus on being a hairstylist or something. This addiction medicine is too long a road for you. I know. I want to be an astronaut. Here's the thing. It's a long road if you go directly into a four-year university. The fact that you're going into junior college, by the way, is a bad sign. You don't make it out, by the way. It's a roach motel for bad students.

1:05:28 Drew The thing about medical school is they take people from the top institution and the top of their classes kind of thing.

1:05:34 Adam Let's get realistic.

1:05:35 Drew You got to really nail those next few years. You got to nail them.

1:05:38 Adam Let's start lowering our expectation level. You'd be like a bartender or you could die.

1:05:47 Caller No, I'm going to be a doctor, dang it.

1:05:48 Adam Drive one of those.

1:05:49 Face To Face She could manage a band.

1:05:50 Drew But nail these next few cases. Where are you calling from? Portland?

1:05:54 Caller Oregon.

1:05:55 Drew Where?

1:05:57 Caller A little town, Pendleton, Oregon. It's in eastern Oregon.

1:06:00 Drew Get over to University of Oregon.

1:06:02 Adam Why aren't you going to a four year university?

1:06:05 Caller Because I don't have enough money to go right.

1:06:15 Adam Yeah, but is it financial aid?

1:06:16 Drew You've got to put everything on the line for the transcripts. You've got to nail the numbers. You've got to nail them.

1:06:20 Adam You're going to transfer from a junior college?

1:06:23 Caller I want to go to New York maybe or Boston University or something.

1:06:28 Adam Well, how about you go to Atlantis and become the king? I mean, a more realistic plan. You get married to a guy who's got a few nickels to rub together, right?

1:06:39 Drew Oh, you're awful.

1:06:40 Face To Face She can always get a communicable disease.

1:06:42 Adam Oh, she read Drew's book.

1:06:44 Drew That's what got her in.

1:06:46 Adam All right. I'm saying my mom joined LA. Valley Junior College in like 1965 with the thought to transfer. Still sending me flyers to the choir practice over there, by the way.

1:06:58 Drew In case you just get the grades, get in your original order, get the best possible grades you can.

1:07:05 Adam Let me try to figure this out. Drew, you try to help me. Statistically, everybody, everybody jump in here. What do you think the percentage of, and I'm going to exclude the Asian cultures, because they're a little smarter breed than us, and they come here and they're down a step, but pow!

1:07:25 Face To Face They can live underground for months.

1:07:27 Adam They bounce back, yeah, they're cave dwellers. The point is, is they come out, white girls, white chicks, all right, who go to a junior college out of high school, percentage of them that get a four-year degree.

1:07:44 Drew Fifty percent?

1:07:45 Adam Fifty? Fifty percent? Fifty percent of people that go into a four-year university out of high school don't get a degree.

1:07:52 Drew That's a good point. The ones that go into a junior college first, with the intent to go to a four-year?

1:07:58 Adam Yeah, with the intent. They make the announcement when they're leaving.

1:08:02 Drew Proclamation.

1:08:03 Adam Proclamation. Here he, here he. I will be at a real college after I go to junior college for a couple of years. I'll be transferring. I didn't do too well in the grade department.

1:08:11 Face To Face Seven percent.

1:08:12 Adam Yeah, it's lower. It's not 30 percent. It's really probably 25 percent. Now the percentage of those people that go on to get advanced degrees and then go on to become doctors.

1:08:24 Drew Listen, I noticed that there was pretty high. No, the ones that actually went to the four years and really kicked some serious A.

1:08:29 Adam You think an Asian again.

1:08:31 Drew Okay.

1:08:33 Adam I got to call my wife.

1:08:34 Drew We excluded that. I got to call my wife. We have two dog remedies here. Skunk remedies. I want to hear them.

1:08:39 Adam Be prepared. Be prepared to be underwhelmed. Amy?

1:08:42 Drew Yes? All right.

1:08:44 Adam You're 28? How do you get rid of that skunk smell on a dog?

1:08:48 Drew We're in the house. Apparently the dog is doing better. It's the house that's a mess.

1:08:54 Caller Well, my potion is something to put on the dog.

1:08:58 Adam What is it?

1:08:59 Caller It's kind of long. It's a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.

1:09:02 Adam All right.

1:09:03 Caller Quarter cup baking soda. A teaspoon of dish soap.

1:09:08 Adam Uh-huh.

1:09:09 Caller A teaspoon of vanilla. Yes.

1:09:12 Adam Get high and eat that dog.

1:09:14 Caller Yeah.

1:09:16 Face To Face Pounds of ammonia and sawdust.

1:09:18 Adam That's good. Yeah.

1:09:20 Caller That's it? Well, mix all the ingredients, and then you rub it all over the dog and let it sit for 15 to 20 minutes.

1:09:28 Adam Then you hose it off? And then rinse it off.

1:09:30 Drew Thank you.

1:09:31 Adam Well, that's solid. Have you done this?

1:09:33 Caller I have.

1:09:34 Caller You what?

1:09:35 Caller I had two dogs that got sprayed by a skunk, and it was the most sickening, nauseating smell. It's like chemical. It just burns.

1:09:46 Face To Face Now, did you invent that concoction or?

1:09:48 Caller I actually got it from my vet.

1:09:50 Adam Oh. Oh.

1:09:52 Drew Good. Thank you, Amy.

1:09:53 Adam Thanks, Amy.

1:09:53 Drew You bet.

1:09:55 Adam Actual useful information.

1:09:57 Drew So it's prox.

1:09:57 Adam I like the vanilla.

1:09:58 Drew I know.

1:09:59 Adam Vanilla is nice.

1:10:00 Drew Well, one more. This is another one. George on four.

1:10:02 Adam All right. Let's see. George?

1:10:04 Hey, what up?

1:10:06 Adam 24. What's up?

1:10:07 Not much. One of my friends, they brought their dog over to my house, and it was chasing skunks, and ended up killing one of them, and got sprayed at the same time.

1:10:15 Caller Thanks for the detail.

1:10:17 We used dish washing detergent in order to clean it off.

1:10:21 Adam Just dish washing stuff.

1:10:23 Yeah, and then someone else recommended the tomato juice, but that would be a little bit better on the dog's fur, but dish washing detergent works fine. We got it off the dog completely, except the dog's nose.

1:10:35 Adam All right.

1:10:37 Drew Thank you.

1:10:37 Adam Thanks, George. How about the house?

1:10:39 Face To Face It probably has lower expectations of cleanliness, though. 24, living with five other guys, pizza boxes all over the floor.

1:10:46 Drew Dead skunk out front.

1:10:47 Adam Yeah, the bar's pretty low.

1:10:49 Drew All right, I'm calling home.

1:10:51 Adam Okay. Hold on a second, Drew. I don't know how you get rid of the stuff in the house.

1:10:55 Drew I know.

1:10:56 Adam I don't know if you do get rid of the stuff in the house.

1:10:58 Caller Did the skunk get into the house?

1:11:00 Drew No, I think the dog came running.

1:11:01 Caller The dog brought it.

1:11:02 Adam But you know what the dog did? The dog did that weird shoulder thing where its hind legs are still in the pads of the feet, but the shoulders collapsed into the carpet. It's like a car with the front wheels taking off and it's just pushing forward, just plowing forward.

1:11:18 Face To Face If you're anything like me, just get a new house.

1:11:20 Adam You get a new house, Drew. It's time. It's time. We'll face face here tonight and hear another song from the boys. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Trevor Scott here tonight from face to face. Engineer Anderson sounds like Burgess Meredith in Rocky IV. Holy Christ. Anderson, talk on the air for a second, so we can let America hear that voice here. The velvety tongue.

1:12:26 Caller How we feel?

1:12:27 Adam Well, we're not feeling that good after hearing you. What happened, buddy? What's going on?

1:12:32 Caller I was at the Steelers game on Sunday.

1:12:36 Caller Steelers, Raiders, and I...

1:12:38 Caller I let the Raiders fans know how I felt.

1:12:40 Adam A lot of yelling. A lot of yelling.

1:12:42 Drew Did you get the fight?

1:12:43 Caller No, no.

1:12:44 There was much more of us than there was of them, so we were...

1:12:47 Adam How's Hines Field, by the way? Is it nice?

1:12:50 Caller I miss the Ashtray.

1:12:51 I miss Three Rivers. I like it, you know.

1:12:53 Drew I remember Three Rivers brand new.

1:12:55 Adam Yeah.

1:12:55 Drew 1973.

1:12:56 Adam That's a bad sign, by the way, when, like, you remember when you're going, like, the Houston Astrodome, the most advanced structure ever built. It's like, this, now you're watching it, it's like, this, it's antiquated, it's rat-infested, it's an eyesore, it's gotta be, it's a blight on the community, it's gotta be bulldozed. We gotta blow it up. You're like, what?

1:13:18 Drew I thought it was brand new.

1:13:19 Adam Isn't it brand new? It's brand new, isn't it? I'm always wondering, by the way, how these domes, like the Seattle Kingdom and stuff, first off, it's a structure that has seven million cubic yards of reinforced concrete in it. A, how do you take it down? Well, you blow it up. But B, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna level this place, we're gonna make a parking lot where it was, then in the parking lot that's next to it now, we're gonna build another one. What size is this gonna be? Oh, same size. What about the field? Same base. You don't want to fix this one up? How much is this new place gonna cost? Well, it's gonna cost 500 million bucks just to take down the old one.

1:14:04 Face To Face Some towns build new stuff like that, and then the town essentially goes bust, so they continue holding games in the old one, because it cost too much of the city's money to fire up the new one.

1:14:13 Adam I never can figure out, like, wait a minute, first off, how was something built that was state-of-the-art 22 years ago is now unusable, yet it still works? Well, it doesn't have luxury boxes. All right, well, let's just use up a few seats and put some luxury boxes in. No, no, that's it.

1:14:32 Drew 100 years old is still the greatest place to see a football game.

1:14:36 Adam Yeah, the Golden Gate Bridge. That's 70 years old.

1:14:39 Face To Face Chunks of concrete are falling off Yankee Stadium, and they're still keeping that around.

1:14:44 Adam I never believe it. And like the Coliseum out here in Los Angeles, they sunk like 15, 20 million into that like 8 or 10 years ago. They totally redid it.

1:14:56 Drew You couldn't play that.

1:14:57 Adam Couldn't play a game there. The hole's 100,000? No, that can't be. Well, I understand why I can't play there.

1:15:03 Drew Let's hear a song.

1:15:04 Adam No, I want answers, Drew. Okay, let's hear a song. It is nice when they have to explode stuff. It's nice when you have to take down stuff you built not to come down.

1:15:14 Face To Face Didn't the one place in Seattle start falling apart and taking a few people with it?

1:15:18 Adam There was a couple of tiles or something that fell off the roof, but still, all the concrete, all the steel, all the bathrooms, 500 urinals and stuff, all the wheelchair ramps and stuff, doesn't seem like you just put a coat of paint on it.

1:15:33 Drew You would think.

1:15:34 Adam Maybe that skunk got in there, Drew. You're going to have to dynamite your place, you know? Take it down.

1:15:40 Drew Somebody is going to tell me how to get rid of the smell in the house.

1:15:43 Adam Oh, really? What song are we going to hear, Drew? Oh, I don't want to lie down. You queued up there, Chris? All right, here we go, Face to Face. Yeah, everybody, Face to Face, Trevor Scott, here. Gonna beat the House of Blues, Anaheim, tomorrow, and then the next two days after that, and then out here on the Sunset Strip for three fabulous nights. All right, we were, Drew's got a little problem, he's got a little skunk problem inside the house now.

1:19:22 Drew Wanna take that first?

1:19:23 Adam We're just talking about cat whiz.

1:19:26 Drew We've had quite a colorful conversation.

1:19:28 Adam You should really, anytime you start feeling sorry for yourself with the skunk smell, you should start thinking about that cat whiz.

1:19:34 Drew Well, that's what brought it up. I was thinking, finally we'll get rid of the cat pee smell anyway.

1:19:38 Adam Oh, cat piss is, I know we're not supposed to say that, but it is so vile. It is so rank. Danny? What's happening?

1:19:53 Caller I mean, my boyfriend just joined the Navy last year, and he got, they put him in boot camp in Chicago.

1:20:05 Caller Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

1:20:07 Caller Yeah, and he's getting shipped to Iraq in November. And lately when I call him, he tells me that he doesn't want me to worry about him, that he's gonna be gone, and he doesn't know if he's coming back in August.

1:20:20 Adam I'll be watching you. Well, the Iraq has quite a powerful Navy. Oh, yes. Yeah, very powerful. Yeah, you know, you never really think about it. I'm sure someone who knows more than I do about this could tell me how dangerous it was. But, you know, what you don't want to be is, you know, you don't want to be fighting street to street and Fallujah and having car bombs and stuff going off. But Navy doesn't sound like such a bad gig in Iraq. I'm sure there's things that could happen to you, but in general, I think you, what kind of ship is he on? You don't know what kind of ship?

1:21:01 Face To Face It sounds like, to me, like he's trying to get laid.

1:21:05 Adam I don't know.

1:21:06 Face To Face I may not be coming back.

1:21:08 Adam There's a thriving sex industry, tourism sex industry over there. No, no, nobody gets laid over there. That's the one thing.

1:21:18 Face To Face He's trying to get laid now.

1:21:20 Adam Hey, hey, well, wait a second.

1:21:22 Caller Well, he's nowhere near me right now.

1:21:24 Adam Does he know what kind of ship he's on?

1:21:27 Caller I haven't asked him. He explains this stuff to me, but I don't understand all the military terms.

1:21:32 Adam Yeah, I know.

1:21:33 Drew Aircraft carrier.

1:21:34 Adam Aircraft carrier. Let's break down aircraft carrier. Well, it's a carrier. It carries things and it carries other boats, cars. Is it a ferry? You know what I love? I like to do a game show called Hot Chicks in War Trivia. It would be awesome. Just sparkling looking 22 year old models and you'd go, Hitler, what country was he in charge of? Spain, Egypt. I'm sorry, Bob. Us? United States? No, I'm sorry. Mussolini. It would just go on and on. There's nothing better in talking chicks.

1:22:22 Face To Face How long did the 100 year war go on?

1:22:24 Adam 500 years. Hitler, Spain. It's always good. Danny? All I'm saying is, your boyfriend has been assigned to a ship? I understand, but he has a ship. He's been assigned to a ship.

1:22:48 Caller He didn't tell me what ship, but yeah, he's said he's been.

1:22:51 Face To Face What exactly is the question? This one seems to have eluded me.

1:22:55 Caller Oh, I'm just wondering if he's trying to break up with me or lie to me about something.

1:23:02 Adam Why? He's in the service and there's a war going on, so he's shipping out.

1:23:07 Caller Well, I understand that, but he's just, I don't know, he's talking weird, different than he usually does.

1:23:13 Face To Face Oh, he's using that weird talk on you.

1:23:16 Yeah, what's he doing?

1:23:17 Drew What's he saying?

1:23:18 Caller I mean, like, normally he calls me all the time, and now it's just we don't even talk once a week unless I call him.

1:23:24 Adam All right.

1:23:25 Drew Well, that's it.

1:23:26 Adam You're 17, he's 19, he's in Chicago, you're in Arizona, he's going a billion miles away.

1:23:33 Drew And you said he may not even come back in the summer, right, next year?

1:23:36 Caller No, he was supposed to be back for two weeks leave in November and then go to Iraq.

1:23:41 Adam All right.

1:23:42 Drew And then who knows when he'll come?

1:23:43 Adam Yeah.

1:23:45 Drew You should, I mean, if he is, it'd be wonderful if you could hang in if he's asking to hang in, but it sounds like he's pushing away.

1:23:50 Adam No, no, it wouldn't even be wonderful. She's 17. And by the way, just from her voice, her name is Danny and her knowledge of war.

1:23:57 Drew For him, on his behalf, it would be nice if she could support him and hang in, but he's not interested.

1:24:02 Adam No, no. By the way, how long is this 17-year-old Danny, who has no knowledge of naval vessels, going to go without a guy's attention? I mean, she's in Arizona, she could be sitting there chewing her gum, six weeks are going to go by, there's going to be some cute neighbor kids going to come by, and then it's going to be it. You know what waiting for someone for six months or eight months is like when you're 17?

1:24:22 Drew It's impossible.

1:24:23 Adam Impossible.

1:24:24 Face To Face Besides, he meant to call you, but he lost his phone and his buddy's phone wouldn't charge, but then the ship shipped out and, you know, a bunch of other stuff happened.

1:24:32 Adam That's right. So, so Danny, you don't know if he's on a battleship or a laundry ship, for instance? Do you do you know what he? Well, I think he remember he said he talked about it, but you didn't listen.

1:24:48 Face To Face Is he in the service? Is it a gay cruise ship?

1:24:51 Adam Is in the Navy? What's he do? Do you know what he does on the ship? I don't know.

1:24:55 Caller He's a corpsman.

1:24:56 Adam Oh, okay. All right. That's like a, that's like a I saw the Corps.

1:25:00 Caller He keeps the Corps going.

1:25:04 Caller I don't know what that means, but something to do with how.

1:25:06 Drew Anything to do with fields, I don't like.

1:25:08 Adam That's bad. Yeah. Because field, field means you hit land and you start dragging, start dragging Marines out of busted up bunkers and stuff, yeah?

1:25:16 Caller All right.

1:25:17 Adam Anyway, baby, you're 17. You're going to high school?

1:25:20 Caller College.

1:25:21 Adam You're going to college?

1:25:22 Drew Where are you going to school?

1:25:23 Caller I'm going to Australia Mountain.

1:25:27 Adam Right. Please, use, use junior. The stigma is better. It helps keep people moving through us. You say community. People, the people think they can stay there forever. I think junior. All right. And then you're off to what? NAU. All right. All right, baby. Northern Arizona. Right. Break up with this guy. That's it. He's already broken up with you. All right. That's all right. That's all right. Find a nice guy college. He's not going anywhere. You owe it to yourself. I know you feel sad, but this guy's in Chicago. He's going to Iraq. He doesn't call anymore.

1:26:03 Face To Face There's four or five guys buzzing around her right now.

1:26:05 Adam Oh, my God. Junior college. Well, the one thing I got to say about junior college, because there's no actual academics going on, plenty of free social time for the kids. I mean, especially the guys at junior college, a bunch of 19 year old guys just hanging out looking to score. Are you kidding? They got all the time in the world. They're all living at home. They're not studying or anything. They got two classes a month. First class starts at 2 p.m. goes to 2.45. Sorry, Chris.

1:26:32 Face To Face Well, guys at that age, if they don't call once every couple days, they understand.

1:26:38 Adam They ain't into it. Yeah, you're right. Chris, how many classes do you have at the JC by the way? One? You have one math class, right? And that starts at noon?

1:26:48 Drew 12.30.

1:26:56 Adam 12.30. You got to get up at what time? 11?

1:27:00 Drew 10.30.

1:27:01 Caller Well, I'm here late, so.

1:27:03 Adam Come on, stop picking on Chris. Let's get back to the phone.

1:27:06 Drew He's your best friend.

1:27:07 Adam That's good. Ian?

1:27:08 Drew No, we got to take a break.

1:27:09 Adam We got to take a break. You have a way for Drew to get the skunk smell out of his house?

1:27:14 Yeah.

1:27:15 Adam What is it? Real quick.

1:27:18 I've got an air purifier that's not actually widely advertised on the market that I'd be willing to drop by the KROQ studio and let Drew borrow for a couple of days.

1:27:27 Adam What's so good about this thing?

1:27:30 It ionizes all the stink. I use it to get my dog out of the carpet.

1:27:36 Adam Really? It works.

1:27:38 Yeah, it works, dude.

1:27:40 Adam All right. All right. Hold on a second. This is interesting because I never see these things never seem to work, but there's this whole new generation of them now that they're like used in the Pentagon after 9-11.

1:27:52 Caller One tiny unit cleans 10,000 square feet. Right.

1:27:55 Adam And then they pull this one, indoor air pollution, 1,000 times. So you could water ski behind a bus. It is not what you're breathing when you're sitting on your sofa.

1:28:07 Caller I heard a good one today. If the purifier is not purifying the air, you and your family are with your own body. Your own ass. It's a horrifying thing.

1:28:16 Adam Don't trust fads and gimmicks. Like this one? All right. All right. Drew, maybe one of those. It's like a thunderstorm just took place inside your house. You get one of those cars at the mall. I'm gonna look into this.

1:28:31 Face To Face It sounds horrible, but when he gets home tonight, he'll be starting to think, it could work.

1:28:35 Drew I'll try to get Ian's phone number, Ian.

1:28:38 Adam I like the personal air purification systems that you buy in the Sky Mall. It's just a battery thing to wear around your neck. Oh yeah. It actually cleans the stuff that goes right up your nose. Oh. Nice. Let's take a quick break. Face to Face here tonight. We'll be right back after this. Hey everybody, it's the Love Line of Adam. And it's Dr. Drew. Yeah, Face To Face here tonight. Going to- Hey, hey, hey. Jump on to the phones, and someone's got a way to get rid of it. Drew's dog attacked a skunk, and then got sprayed.

1:29:47 Drew And then ran in the house.

1:29:48 Adam And then ran in the house.

1:29:50 Drew Dragged his face in the ground.

1:29:51 Adam Now, I say the dog and the kids need to be put down. Why? As an example to the other dog.

1:29:58 Drew Oh, I see.

1:29:59 Adam You see what I'm saying? Yeah, I get you. And Drew says the dog can be cleaned up. It has been cleaned up.

1:30:05 Drew Apparently.

1:30:05 Adam The wife cleaned it up?

1:30:06 Drew Yeah.

1:30:07 Adam And then, then what?

1:30:09 Drew Then the house, she says.

1:30:12 Adam So we have some home remedies.

1:30:13 Face To Face Perhaps you need to get a new wife.

1:30:15 Adam Yeah, new wife, new dog.

1:30:19 And? Yeah.

1:30:20 Adam You're 19?

1:30:21 Caller Yeah.

1:30:22 Adam What's up?

1:30:23 Caller Not much, dude. I just got an air purifier that Drew can use.

1:30:26 Adam Oh, that's right. That's right. Now, where did you get this thing?

1:30:30 Caller You know what? I actually got it from a friend of mine who had one and he sold one to me. And it's been working for me for like the last three years.

1:30:39 Adam Uh-huh. And does it have filters or anything in it?

1:30:43 Caller No, it's actually got two little glass plates with a metal mesh on it. And electricity flows through those. And it's got a little fan on it and blows whatever it blows out into the air and it just cleans everything up.

1:30:56 Face To Face Now is it from a reputable company or has your buddy built it in a garage?

1:31:00 Caller No, it's actually from a reputable company. And I actually sell them myself too.

1:31:05 Face To Face Ah, pyramid scam. I see where this is going.

1:31:08 Adam Now what if I farted into this thing? What would it do?

1:31:13 Caller It would clear it up. And it actually...

1:31:15 Adam Oh, then I'm not interested. I was looking for something to intensify my ass smell. Listen, I don't do the hand cup and walk toward the face because I don't like the smell. I don't know. No, I want, you know what I want? I want a device that puts a couple zeros behind whatever comes out of my ass. You know what I mean? I drop an eight, I want an 800.

1:31:37 Drew It's a turbo, turbo charger.

1:31:39 Adam That's right. That's what it is. Same two liter engine, but instead of 140 horsepower, we got 210.

1:31:45 Drew Hobo power.

1:31:46 Adam Hobo power. Yeah, that's the measurement of stink we worked out many years ago.

1:31:50 Drew Excellent.

1:31:51 Adam All right. Not interested in killing smell. Jackie? You're 19?

1:31:57 Caller Yeah.

1:31:58 Adam What's up?

1:31:59 Caller Well, I'm barely like start talking to this guy. It's been like a week and him, his roommate and me and him are working at the same job.

1:32:11 Adam Go ahead, yes.

1:32:12 Caller For some reason, I am having these sex dreams about his roommate and he's not attracting me. I just, for some reason, and every time I look at him at work, it's like I can't stop thinking about the damn dreams.

1:32:23 Adam Well, let me say this. I think a woman, like guys have weird dreams all the time of killing, being killed, having sex with a skull, you know, all that good stuff. Well, I have crazy dreams.

1:32:36 Face To Face Yeah, I have those dreams nightly too.

1:32:39 Adam And I wake up and don't really think anything of them other than why can't I get a better night's sleep? But I don't think, oh, I gotta act on this. I tend to think, because if we weren't attracted to a woman, if we had a dream where having sex would just be a nightmare.

1:32:53 Drew Yeah.

1:32:53 Adam You know what I mean? But we wouldn't look at her any different. Women are, I think they put more stock in this stuff. I think if a woman dreams about a guy a little bit, she may convince herself she's interested. Converted, yeah. Yeah, and maybe she is. Jackie? Is it freak out when you see him now?

1:33:10 Caller I mean, I told him about it and he laughed at a joke, but it's something and I'm kind of like, and then he kind of threw it back at me, like, oh, I had dreams about you too, but I don't know.

1:33:19 Drew Yeah, no, no.

1:33:20 Adam By the way, now if he rapes you, nothing's gonna hold up in court now, you understand? I mean, you've opened a horrible window here. He's now gonna act on this. Are you ready for that? No, you're asking for it. You told him you had a dream. Well, so you wanna be with him, right?

1:33:35 Caller Well, I actually told the guy I was talking to, too, and he was like, oh, whatever. But I thought he would be mad if I told him, and he was excited.

1:33:43 Drew He is mad. He didn't tell you he was mad.

1:33:45 Face To Face That's usually what oh whatever means.

1:33:47 Adam Yeah. What's up with you that you need this sort of competition and chaos?

1:33:52 Caller It's the guy I'm talking to, he's a real sweetheart, and I'm gonna see like with the outgoing, loud kind of guy, and that's how it's related.

1:33:59 Drew Yeah, we get it, Jeff.

1:34:00 Adam You got a nice guy, and he's not a bad boy, so you gotta stir things up. So you're done with him.

1:34:04 Drew Yeah.

1:34:05 Adam Is your dad an a-hole?

1:34:06 Drew No. No, yes.

1:34:07 Adam Come on, you don't even know him.

1:34:10 Face To Face This is basic psychology. Any warts, any lesions we could go over?

1:34:17 Adam All right. Listen, fellas, when a woman you work with says, oh, by the way, I had a naughty dream about you, look out.

1:34:23 Drew That's a big green light.

1:34:24 Adam Yeah, it's not the fact that she had the naughty dream, it's that she thought it would be a good idea to tell you.

1:34:28 Face To Face On a Freudian level, it might have been about paying the phone bill, but you know, if it's-

1:34:31 Adam Reality is, she told you and that means green light.

1:34:36 Drew And by F off to the guy that she was supposed to be talking to, the nice guy.

1:34:41 Adam We'll take a quick break, we'll be right back.

1:34:58 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:35:01 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back. This hour brought to you in part by Axe. Experience the Axe Effect.

1:35:38 Caller Yeah, everybody.

1:35:39 Adam All right, gotta get it on. Face to face, everybody. God bless you guys. See you in another four and a half years or so.

1:35:46 Drew Yeah, too long, guys.

1:35:48 Adam Good time.

1:35:49 Face To Face When reuniting the band comes not gonna happen either.

1:35:52 Adam Have we lost our edge or are we still cool?

1:35:54 Face To Face No, you guys are incredible.

1:35:55 Adam Still sharp, yes?

1:35:57 Caller Yeah. Better now than ever.

1:35:58 Caller Yeah.

1:36:00 Drew Bring these guys back tomorrow.

1:36:01 Caller All right.

1:36:02 Adam So until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. That's it, he's already broken up with you.

1:36:09 Caller Aw, man.

1:36:12 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:36:24 Adam The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:36:26 Face To Face Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, September 13, 2004