Episode 1000645586907

1:01 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:16 Adam With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Dictionary Medicine Specialist. Oh, yeah.

1:29 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:31 Adam Get it on.

1:31 Drew You're going to break it down already?

1:35 Adam Let's get it on.

1:36 Drew What did you do?

1:37 Adam I'm getting it on. Well, I watched football today. I'll tell you what. You know, I'm just happy the football is on.

1:45 Drew Oh, oh.

1:46 Adam I realized like-

1:47 Drew You're a different person in football season.

1:48 Adam I turned it on, and I went about my business. I didn't sit down and watch it. I didn't watch the early games. I just put on the set, and I went about my house business. Just feel it. And I just knowing that it was in the background.

1:59 Drew Well, you hear it. Just hear it.

2:01 Adam Yeah. You know what it's like? It's like a spritz of Febreze. I don't need to put my face at the end of the bottle. Just a few spritzes, and I'll walk through the room. I'll absorb it.

2:14 Drew However, at this point, it's the sense of the cooling weather, not the actual cooling weather. We've got to get the cool with the background.

2:22 Adam They're playing ball. That's the good news. It's the best highlights ever. Oh, really? You turn on the sports when you get home. Compound fractures and guys cartwheeling. They're going to have to make the field bigger. It's just getting crazy. Guys are getting too fast.

2:41 Drew That's what it looks like to me, too.

2:42 Adam You know what we had to do? We had to do this in racing.

2:47 Drew For car racing?

2:48 Adam For car racing, yeah. NASCAR had to do this. Stock car racing. Formula One had to do this. Restrictor plates and limiters and downforce and aerodynamics and stuff. Size of the engine. You just have to start doing stuff because cars will go 400 miles an hour and people will get killed. We got to start doing that with the black players. We need a black restrictor plate. They're too big. They're too fast. They're too scary. They're too aggressive. Pretty soon, people in the stands are going to start getting hurt when bodies like kickers start getting thrown like four, five rows back. The collisions are getting too powerful. Everything's just too big. We're going to have to make the field bigger or we're going to have to do what we do with NASCAR. Like we find some runner, some guy now. I mean, it used to be if a guy ran a 40 in the fours somewhere, four, seven, four, eight, oh, he had wheels. Now these guys are running four, two.

3:41 Drew And they weigh 280, 265.

3:44 Adam Not 280, but the guys who run four, two, they had 225, 230. We're going to start putting sandbags on them. Yeah. You know what I mean?

3:51 Drew And weight belts, like for skin diving.

3:53 Adam Yeah, well, I'm able to do a fat, well, whatever. You put it where you want. We're just telling you got to add 14 pounds. You strap it to your head, put it around your, put it in a vest, put it in your socks, lead liners in your shoes. Yeah, it's getting too crazy. The defensive lineman used to be these, you know, fat lumbering guys, you know, just these big sort of fire hydrant types that would stop at the middle. Now these guys are, now they're all just arms and thighs, and they're running the quarterbacks down. I mean, they're running them down. Quarterbacks out there running for their lives, they just run the guy down. That guy's 290, just sprinting him down, 6'8, pow. I'm telling you, Drew, just think NASCAR, think restrictor plate in NASCAR, and now think pro football.

4:33 Drew There you go.

4:35 Adam But anyway, just glad it's on. And then someone is watching football. Now, everyone I know is not from LA anymore, because everyone I know is in some way affiliated with show business. Everyone seems to be from Boston, the rest are from either New Jersey, New York, or Chicago. And then you're sprinkled in sort of Indiana Pittsburgh types. Everyone wants to know why there's no team in Los Angeles. The answer is you guys aren't rooting for them. I watch football every week with a bunch of guys. Your team's Pittsburgh, your team is the Patriots, your team's Dallas, your team's the Bears, your team's the Giants, wherever they're from. That's everyone's team. And then the rest of LA are not interested in sports.

5:21 Drew Or soccer.

5:22 Adam Yeah, you got the guys that are interested in sports, and then you got the rest of LA which they don't even... I mean, there's a language barrier. They're not so... Football is... Yeah, you kick the ball. Soccer. Soccer. Yeah, and I realize, you know, we were talking about it last week, LA is just sort of... Like, what percentage of people live in LA have family outside of LA? It's got to be 90%. I mean, it's really 90% of the people that live in LA any holiday that comes around, first off, just sending money, whether it's south of the border, north of the border, just sending money out of town, and then just getting in the car, getting a plane takeoff. As soon as there's a three-day weekend power, the whole town clears out. We can't have a football team. This is no one's town. And by the way, for all the guys I work with, they don't need LA to have a football team. They've been here for 14 years, but they're huge Patriot fans.

6:15 Drew And then they've got SC and UCLA, and that sort of picks up the slack.

6:20 Adam LA by the way, has got to be one of the few towns where you could just, you would just happily walk around in a Patriots or Pittsburgh Steelers jersey and wouldn't get an ounce of grief. There's no possible way you could go out to New England and do that for Rams jersey.

6:34 Drew No, not only that, you'd be announcing which restaurants and bars you frequent, too.

6:37 Adam Right.

6:38 Drew Because that defines certain institutions here.

6:41 Adam Yeah. Yeah, just realize, LA can't have a team because it's not comprised of people. No one's from here anymore.

6:47 Drew It's the melting pot. It really is.

6:49 Adam Yeah. Yeah. It's more the porta potty. Yeah, that's weird. We ought to really change melting pot to porta potty. I think you're right. Remember the United States is the melting pot, but this is the porta pot. All right. Let's get to the phones. Yes, Drew? Yeah. Jim? Yes? You're 21? Yes, I am. All right. What's up?

7:14 Drew Oh, that's good.

7:16 Adam All righty.

7:17 Drew Oh, really?

7:18 Last month...

7:22 Drew Ha! It's comical.

7:25 Adam Right out of the gate. Are you ready to go?

7:27 Drew There we go.

7:28 Adam Ena? You're 18?

7:31 Drew Yes.

7:32 Adam What's up?

7:36 Drew All right. Next caller.

7:42 Adam God forbid I have a drink of water. Once in a blue moon, I try to actually get a sip of water during the show. So I thought, Ena, yeah, you're 18. What's up? And I'll say, what's up? And then I'll reach for my glass and start drinking water. By the way, is there some mechanism that when this thing touches my lips, dead air? Like once in a while, I think, can you have a drink of water? Of course you can have a drink of water. You got Drew sitting here. You've just asked the caller a question. Take a sip of water. Uh oh. Nothing. It's like, can the pilot take a piss? We're 50,000 feet above the ground. The thing's on cruise control and it's on automatic pilot. There's not a cloud in the sky. Can I get up? It's like, I feel like I undo the seatbelt, turn around, start walking. The plane just starts spiraling down, going in the ground. Can't take a piss? Jesus Christ. Come on, Drew, you see the thing. I blame you. I blame Enid.

8:33 Drew Enid's done. Enid had nothing to say.

8:35 Adam Enid, go.

8:36 Yeah. So my story is that I was dating this guy for a year and a half. We were perfectly fine for like six months, and then something just went wrong, and we just started fighting a lot. So we decided to take a break, and so we broke up like two months ago, and we decided just to be together and see how things would go. And we still ended up fighting, nothing changed, so he told me like just a little while ago that he just wanted to be friends, and he lost interest in me. So he then later told me that the truth about that was that he, I told him before that it just seemed to me that every time he would have sex, he'd be upset afterwards, and then we would have sex.

9:22 Drew Nina, what is your question? What is the question?

9:24 I don't know what to do anymore.

9:26 Drew You're done with this guy. You shouldn't even be thinking about him.

9:29 Adam New guy. Next guy.

9:31 Drew That's it. This one's over. I want to be friends is I want to get out of this without hurting your feelings. And then he'll magically disappear. And if you have him around, you'll be fighting and or having sex, neither of which will be pleasant for you.

9:43 Adam Nina. Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. Here we go, Miss Cadence. I want you to listen to what I'm going to do, and I want you to apply the same principle to this guy. You ready? All right. Next caller.

9:54 Drew There we go.

9:55 Adam Sarah. You're 14.

9:58 Caller Yes.

9:59 Adam What's up, baby doll?

10:01 Caller Nothing.

10:02 Adam All right. Go ahead.

10:05 Caller Well, kind of me and this boy are friends with benefits, and I'm wondering like where this is all going because his best friend is...

10:15 Drew Nowhere. Nowhere. You're friends with benefits. He isn't going to take it anywhere. What made you think that friends with benefit ever goes anywhere?

10:22 Adam True.

10:23 Drew No, Sarah. Friends with benefit is a guy telling you this is not going anywhere.

10:28 Adam What's up, baby doll?

10:36 Drew What made you think that friends with benefit ever goes anywhere?

10:45 Caller Well, he said that he wanted to get together with me after he dumped his girlfriend, but you know, he hasn't done that or anything yet, so...

10:50 Adam How long is... How long has he been saying this?

10:53 Caller Since we first started, I...

10:58 Drew Oh, Adam, since they first started.

11:01 Adam Hold on, it's time for loveline recreation.

11:04 Drew So, how long...

11:04 Adam Hold on, hold on, I made my statement. He said he wanted to get together with me as soon as he broke up with his girlfriend.

11:14 Drew Well, how long has he been saying this?

11:17 Adam Ever since we got together.

11:20 Drew When we first got together. All right.

11:25 Adam All right.

11:26 Drew Yeah.

11:26 Adam All right.

11:27 Drew You got that clear? You clear on that? Sarah, how old is this guy? 15.

11:33 Adam And how long has he been saying this?

11:37 Drew Two or three weeks.

11:37 Adam Two or three weeks. All righty then. Now, he has a girlfriend.

11:42 Caller Yes.

11:43 Adam Do you know her?

11:45 Caller Yeah, she's one of my best friends.

11:47 Drew Oh, that's good times.

11:49 Adam And that doesn't seem like the kind of thing you do to a best friend, does it?

11:53 Caller Well, no. I'm her best friend, but she's never been like that close of a friend to me.

12:00 Drew What does that mean?

12:01 Adam I don't know. And by the way, using that criteria, who knows whose best friend I am, who doesn't know I'm their best friend, and vice versa. I could have some celebrity best friends.

12:11 Drew You could have tons of them.

12:12 Adam Me and George Clooney could be like this.

12:14 Drew And he thinks you're his best friend.

12:17 Adam We could be in Europe right now for all I know.

12:20 Drew Oh, Sarah.

12:21 Adam Oh, man. I mean, royalty, dignitaries.

12:25 Drew I think you actually have to know the people for them to think that they're your best friend. You just don't have to think it back. But Sarah.

12:32 Adam I wonder if engineer Chris thinks that about either one of us.

12:34 Drew Are you kidding?

12:35 Adam No.

12:36 Drew I thought Adam was my best friend.

12:41 Adam Now, give me a warm up, kid. Come on, seriously. Sarah.

12:44 Drew Yeah.

12:45 Adam All right. Well, how about you stop having sex with this guy? You're 14.

12:49 Drew Guy's an idiot.

12:51 Adam He's just doing what he can do. Right.

12:54 Drew He's not interested in you as a person. He's just getting away with whatever he can get away with. I'm really concerned about how you have friendships, how you maintain your friendships. That's really scary to me, Sarah.

13:05 But I really care about him.

13:08 Adam You don't care about him? I do. You do?

13:12 Drew I'm not hearing anything, are you?

13:14 Adam All right. But what about your friend? I mean, you know.

13:18 Drew Is there anybody you care about other than him?

13:20 Caller Well, I mean, there's other guys who want to date me, but...

13:24 Drew No, I mean, any girlfriends you have.

13:26 Caller Any girlfriends? Actually, me, him, and her, we're going to have a threesome one. But I kind of chickened out.

13:36 Drew Okay, Adam asked the question.

13:37 Adam Where's your dad?

13:39 Caller My dad, two miles away from me, but he doesn't have anything to do with me.

13:45 Adam It's two miles down, though.

13:47 Drew It sure is.

13:47 Adam It's actually, he's in the ground.

13:49 Drew He's in the seventh circle of hell somewhere.

13:51 Adam He doesn't want anything to do with you? Yeah, and now you want everything to do with every guy. Sarah?

13:58 Drew Yeah?

14:00 Adam I gave this speech last week and you're prime candidate for it.

14:04 Drew But by the way, before you do that, before dad left, I'm sure he left an imprint, a footprint.

14:09 Adam Did your dad abuse you in any way? My mom.

14:13 Drew What's she do?

14:15 Adam Well, listen, all dad really has to do is just abandon.

14:18 Drew Yeah, but he can really.

14:19 Adam Yeah? Yeah. Who's a drug addict?

14:24 Caller My whole family's been into that kind of stuff.

14:27 Adam All right.

14:28 Caller All right.

14:28 Adam Well, listen, you. Okay, yeah, except for you, but you're 14 and you're off to a nice start.

14:34 Drew You found another way to act that all out.

14:36 Adam Well, don't worry, that part will be coming, too.

14:38 Drew Maybe not. She may not have that. I don't get that gene from her. I don't get the feeling from her.

14:42 Adam I got high hopes for that kid.

14:43 Drew I get the carnage.

14:44 Adam Sarah, please, you're going to be pregnant at 15 and then just be like the rest of your idiot family. Don't you want better for yourself? Get up, go to college somewhere, have a good life. You know those TV shows you watch where like Heather Locklear is running the airport and some other hot chicks and attorney? Don't you want to be like that? You do, right? All right. Well, quit worrying about the kissing potion and start getting your grades up. You do?

15:14 Drew Yeah. Well, they're not going to stay that way with the way you're behaving.

15:17 Adam She just means she's high when she looks at her report card. Okay, okay. Listen, Sarah, you understand I'm a genius, right? That's a resounding yes. Here's what you need to do. Forget about this guy. Don't worry about guys so much. I know your dad left you. He banned you. And now there's major, major issues around guys. That's where all the pressure comes from. Give yourself a break with that. Focus on your friends. Get some female friends. Do stuff in school and then go off to college somewhere. Please don't get pregnant. Friends are where you do care about somebody.

15:51 Drew You're going to be able to get married. You're going to be able to get married. You're going to be able to get married. You're going to be able to get married.

16:01 Adam You're going to be able to get married. You're going to be able to get married. You're going to be able to get married. You're going to be able to get married. You're going to be able to get married. You're going to be able to get married. What's going on? I said, Well, Kilbourne's gone, and he's on after Letterman, and they've been talking to me about maybe replacing him. And he said, So you still stay with Jimmy though, right? No. Now I would actually do another show. Oh, really? Yeah, it's on after Letterman. So what time is that? It's at 1230 at night. That could have been his next question. So he said, I said, well, it's on at 1230 at night. He went, wow, middle of the night. Yeah, dad. By the way, there's only several million guys on the planet like to get that slot. It's like I'm doing graveyard. I'm doing overnights.

17:28 Drew A factory.

17:30 Adam And no, I'll give them credit. Like, let's just say a small.

17:49 Drew You're.

17:59 Adam By the way, I know in his mind, the assumption was you'd actually be broadcasting at 1230 at night. Oh, no. In his mind. He did work that one out. When did you film it? He worked, I know he understands that concept because the week I was co-hosting on Kimmel, we were eating lunch at two in the afternoon and I said, well, tonight's my last night of co-hosting. It's Friday. Have you caught any of the week up until now? No, no, I didn't catch it. Have you seen the show before? I've been on for eight months at this point. No, Kimmel's show had been on for about eight months. He had not seen it.

18:26 Drew When was it I ran into him over there? I was about a year I guess.

18:28 Adam He had not seen it. Yeah, that was because it was 9-11. And then he said, so what time's the show tape? About two o'clock? I said, Dad, it's 2-0-3 right now. We're at the spaghetti factory. They're not taping. No. It's called Jimmy Kimmel Live. And back then it was live too, by the way. Show business. It's in my blood. All right, let's get to the phone.

18:57 Drew Here we go.

18:57 Adam Now, a lot of people would say, well, how can you say these things about your father, surely as a radio?

19:02 Drew No. He's never heard this show.

19:04 Adam I don't know. He may have. He may have. Jess?

19:08 Yeah?

19:09 Adam You're 19? What's up?

19:12 Caller Well, like, my boyfriend and I, when we used to have sex, it used to last, like, a really long time, like, an hour maybe. And now it's just, like, not even five minutes, and I don't know what it is.

19:27 Drew Would he have more than one occasion to orgasm during that hour? Just one time?

19:35 Caller If that.

19:37 Drew So, he'd have trouble having an orgasm?

19:39 Caller Well, yeah. I have, well, if he's only going to be having sex with me for, like, five minutes, it's not going to do it for me.

19:51 Drew Shall we do a reenactment?

19:53 Adam Our callers are so goddamn dumb, I can't even track them for proper reenactment. I know. It's really, it's just like be watching a Japanese game show and say, just say what they said over the last five minutes. Like, I don't speak that language. I don't know what they were saying.

20:10 Drew You used to speak fluent TARD.

20:12 Adam Oh, I used to speak, well, I spoke young TARD. And I spoke teenage TARD. And now I speak young adult TARD. And Jess, she's teenage TARD. Jess?

20:26 Drew I'll ask the question again. During that hour, would he have more than one orgasm? No. Would he have one?

20:35 Adam And does he have one during the new five minute regime?

20:41 Drew Yes. Were you using condoms or anything different then?

20:45 Caller We were for a while, but then I got on birth control and it still lasted a long time.

20:51 Drew What does he say the issue is? Or does he even aware that there's a problem?

20:55 Caller Well, he knows that he's not lasting as long, but he doesn't know what the problem would be. I mean, could it be the antidepressants he's on? But even after he started taking them, I mean, there was no problem.

21:07 Drew No, he probably was on an antidepressant before there was suppressing his ejaculation and now he's changed medicines maybe to one that isn't so, it's more likely to bring out his natural rhythm.

21:18 Caller Well, he's still taking them, the same ones too.

21:27 Drew It's interesting, I don't know the pot...

21:28 Adam I don't know, I'm getting a bogus vibe to this whole thing.

21:30 Drew Yeah, there's a little bit of that.

21:31 Adam I don't believe you, Jess.

21:35 Drew Why are you laughing so much then?

21:37 Adam Yeah. All right. Look, I don't know what, all right. Yeah, there's plenty of chemicals he's putting in his body that have something to do with this. There's also...

21:51 Drew I've never seen Pod reverse the delayed ejaculation from an antidepressant.

21:55 Adam Jess, sorry. Jess, are you one of the first girls he's been with? The first girl. I got that vibe. How old is he? 21? Wow. You know what's weird? I got the strong vibe that she was the first girl. Here's what it is. He's worked his rhythm out.

22:17 Drew Yeah.

22:18 Adam I mean, he couldn't do it. He'd only get one off in an hour because he was spazzing. He doesn't, I mean, he's a 21-year-old guy who'd never been with a woman, so he hadn't worked it out, and now he's worked it out.

22:30 Drew Now he's comfortable. He's in his own. This is his normal pace.

22:35 Adam Yeah, minus all the newness and the anxiety and the shortness of breath. Yeah.

22:39 Drew So they got to do the usual thing, is he has to ejaculate beforehand or maybe try more than once together.

22:43 Adam Does he give you oral sex?

22:46 Caller I don't like oral sex.

22:48 Adam Do you have a sister? How about your mom? Let's see. I'll do the math. Even better, actually, that he doesn't like oral.

23:01 Drew Yeah, but.

23:04 Adam Listen, how long have you been with him?

23:08 Caller Two and a half years.

23:09 Adam Whoa. Whoa.

23:12 Drew All right.

23:12 Adam Are you guys in love?

23:13 Caller I'm in love with him, but I don't know if he's in love with me anymore.

23:18 Drew Why?

23:18 Caller Because we've been having a lot of fights and he keeps telling me that he wants to take a break and I don't know.

23:26 Drew That may be why in five minutes he may be just sort of getting it over with and not putting out his best effort.

23:31 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

23:33 Drew Yeah.

23:35 Adam Yeah. I mean, a new vag sweeps clean.

23:38 Drew Not for a new peni in this case.

23:40 Adam Well, for him.

23:41 Drew For him, yes.

23:44 Adam Yeah. I mean, by the way, the performance. Oh my God. What guys do? I mean, imagine, especially these guys, they've been married for 25 years and all of a sudden they break up and they get their trophy wife or they start dating their secretary or something. Oh my God, it goes from like, I can't perform oral and I can only do it while I'm sitting up with the pillow on my back watching television to Marathon 69. It's amazing what guys can do properly motivated.

24:18 Drew Right.

24:19 Adam And he's two and a half years in. He got in when he was 18 or 19. It was his first chick. He's telling her he's coming to the end. Yeah, we may be at the end.

24:31 Drew As a matter of fact, he's past the end.

24:33 Adam I would bet you this has gone on eight months longer.

24:36 Drew No, no, this is long past the end. He's been very clear. I went out, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. She's clinging to him. It's not good for her or him.

24:41 Adam Yeah, and he's just coasting.

24:43 Drew Well, I'm just trying not to hurt her and not to ever freak out.

24:46 Adam Yeah, but it's also like-

24:47 Drew By the way, the guy's a marijuana addict and he's like, ah, whatever, let's have that pot.

24:50 Adam Yeah, and it's like, well, I don't have to impress her, so I'm a bad lie. Who cares?

24:54 Drew No, no, but not even that. It's like, as long as I'm high, as long as I'm smoking pot, she'll tire eventually.

24:58 Adam Okay, guys who smoke a lot of weed can be in a perpetual holding pattern, by the way.

25:02 Drew Right, they don't sweat anything.

25:04 Adam No.

25:04 Drew Yeah.

25:05 Adam Kind of nice. All right, we'll take a quick break. When we come back, Drew. Had an abortion, the guy's upset, she's seeing someone new.

25:13 Drew Want to do that?

25:14 Adam All right. All right, all that after this.

25:17 Loveline.

25:23 Drew Loveline is brought to you by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.

25:27 Law enforcement is cracking down from coast to coast.

25:29 No matter where you are, if you drive under the influence, you will be arrested. You drink and drive, you lose.

25:51 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. All right, well, we had a mild summer, but now it's kicking us in the nuts.

26:04 Drew In Los Angeles, yes.

26:06 Adam Yeah.

26:06 Drew Horribly.

26:07 Adam Yeah. And what I don't like about the heat is the wildlife springs to life. Spring to ants just start going crazy. Like everything starts going crazy. Everything hits the streets. And people start hanging out and going nuts. And I got ants, got like crazy ants. I had ants in my microwave tonight. And, you know, there's a certain, there's certain places they're supposed to be like ant free. Like it's nothing holy kind of thing, you know? And microwave ants in the microwave. I don't know how you get in to the microwave. If you're an ant, that goddamn thing is sealed. And then I decided, well, I was going to heat some Indian food up. And I thought, man, screw them. I'm just turning the thing on. Didn't seem to have any effect on them at all.

26:53 Drew Really? That's interesting.

26:55 Adam Yeah. Doesn't seem to bother them. I don't think there's enough of them to be bothered by the microwaves.

27:01 Drew The last ant siege we had, I found them going into my freezer.

27:05 Adam Really?

27:05 Drew And going in a pyramid of them. Going in freezing and freezing.

27:09 Adam Crazy. In the freezer?

27:11 Drew Freezer.

27:12 Adam What are we going to do with these ants? We got to do something with these ants. What's up? What do they want? Someone's got to negotiate with these ants.

27:19 Drew I thought we built our house on some sort of ant burial ground or something. Some sort of, you know, sacred territory. They clearly intent on moving us out.

27:26 Adam It's just, there seems to be no possible way to eradicate ants and there's no space that they cannot permeate.

27:34 Drew Strange that ours have been under control this summer. First time.

27:37 Adam I have ants in my liver. They've gotten that far into me. They're in places where there's no food. I'm watching TV, it's crawling on my head, you know. What's going on? We gotta do something with these ants. And you know, when you're flying in the, like when you're in the airplane, and here's the whole thing. No one wants to spray poison everywhere and dump poison everywhere. It never really seems to work. And then you start spraying it, start spraying the crap everywhere and you're spraying it all, you know, it's in the kitchen, it's all over the food and the glasses and everything, the animals get into it. So here's the whole thing. Then you fly and you start looking through that SkyMall catalog. And there they have like ultrasonic stuff and you take this thing and you plug it in and it shows a picture. It's a drawing of like roaches and termites and gophers just sprinting away from the sound. Sound is illustrated by making these sort of half circles that get bigger and emanate from one spot, but they're hauling ass the other direction. Can't we work something out? I mean, I guess the deal is if you can handle a minute in the microwave next to Adam's Indian food, there's really nothing where it's gonna run off a couple of AAA batteries that you're gonna hang around your neck that's gonna work. There's not enough nervous system in these beasts to work, but can't someone come up with some kind of ultrasonic something that just makes them go the other direction?

29:05 Drew You know, they have these things now that are used for humans. They're gonna use the shields to repel people like the way we use tear gas.

29:13 Adam Really?

29:13 Drew Yeah, they have them. It literally burns you when you come up too close.

29:16 Adam Really?

29:17 Drew But I can't imagine.

29:18 Adam Maybe that'll work. Yeah. Huh? Yeah.

29:21 Drew Just spray that across your arm.

29:23 Adam Wait a minute. I think when George Clinton came in here, the godfather of funk, I think he had that.

29:30 Drew No, that was just him.

29:31 Adam Oh, that was just BO?

29:33 Drew Yeah.

29:34 Adam Interesting. So that wasn't some sort of invisible force field that repels people?

29:38 Drew Well, yes.

29:39 Adam Yes.

29:40 Drew But not of the same type I'm talking about.

29:42 Adam How do we know he wasn't working with the military and he just never said anything? You can't talk about those kinds of experiments.

29:48 Drew Indeed, it could be sort of shrouded in the- Yeah, just sort of make it seem like it's BO.

29:53 Adam It is true because I did get close to him. My eyes started tearing up. I had to turn. I had to avert my gaze.

29:59 Drew A 90-degree head aversion. It's good.

30:02 Adam I had to duck and cover. All right. Now, let's work on that with the ants. I just want something I can plug. Man, how much would you pay, Drew? Just something you plug in and no mice, no ants, no roaches, no spiders, just spiders everywhere. Spiders going nuts.

30:18 Drew Oh, your new house could be good.

30:19 Adam They're all over the place. They're all over.

30:23 Drew Your house is going to look like the set of Haunted Mansion in a couple months.

30:26 Adam Everyone gives that speech. Oh, the spiders, they eat the bad- What? What? They do nothing. All they do is sit on my ceiling and give me the stink eyes. They have like 70 eyes and they'll give me the stink eye. Go eat something. What do you eat, by the way? Once in a while, they go outside and they get a moth or something, but what's inside the house that they're noshing on? No? What do they eat inside the house?

30:52 Drew Nothing that I've seen.

30:55 Adam I gotta work on that thing, Drew.

30:58 Yeah.

30:59 Adam You're 18?

31:00 Caller Yes, I am.

31:01 Adam You had an abortion? All right. Now you're with a new guy.

31:06 Caller Well, it's kind of a strange story. I slept with this guy. It was my first time ever sleeping with anybody. Well, obviously I had an abortion. And now I started kind of seeing this other guy. And I'm like, I'm not going to sleep with him.

31:34 Drew Wait a second. Either CT is really healthy or really screwed up. I can't quite decide yet.

31:39 Adam I'm gonna go screw it up just a little bit.

31:41 Drew Well, here's the deal. You managed to maintain your virginity till 18. You slept with some guy you genuinely like, but you know you're not gonna have a relationship with.

31:50 Adam He doesn't. He doesn't want.

31:51 Drew He doesn't reciprocate, and you're being realistic about that, right? You're supposed to have another boyfriend if that's what you want.

31:59 Caller That's not weird at all. Like, I love these guys to death, and I don't want to, like, disrespect them in any way or...

32:05 Drew No, they will experience relief when you have a boyfriend.

32:10 Adam What do you mean you love these guys?

32:12 Caller No, I mean, like, they're... Like, I love who they are, and I love them as people, and I love being friends with them and hanging out with them. The guy...

32:19 Drew The guy... Is it a pan or something?

32:21 Adam The guy who had sex with you, you mean?

32:22 Caller Yeah, and all of his friends. Like, we all, like, started hanging out, I guess.

32:26 Drew Yeah, but you getting a boyfriend is going to be a relief to him.

32:29 Caller Are you sure? Like, it's not at all weird or, like, slutty at all?

32:32 Drew Only if he wants to keep having sex with you.

32:35 Caller Which is not at all, like...

32:36 Drew No, so he's going to be relieved. He's going to know you're kind of in, and he's going to be relieved when you actually have a boyfriend.

32:41 Adam Why doesn't... Does he have a girlfriend?

32:43 Caller Oh, he's, like, sleeping with other people, I know.

32:46 Adam All right. And why not you? He doesn't want to sleep with you anymore?

32:50 Caller Oh, I don't... We don't want to sleep with each other. It's more like a friend thing now.

32:55 Drew Now let me answer the question. No, he doesn't want to sleep with her anymore.

32:57 Adam He doesn't.

32:58 Drew No.

32:58 Caller But neither do I, so it's a mutual thing.

33:00 Drew Is he in a band or something?

33:02 Adam What's up?

33:04 Drew Is he in a band or something?

33:07 Caller He's just one of those really rad people. They're pretty rad.

33:13 Adam Here's the problem, CT. You're into this guy still.

33:18 Drew Big time.

33:19 Caller More like a friend thing.

33:21 Drew No, stop. Who do you think you're talking to here?

33:24 Adam No, you're into him.

33:35 Drew Well, not obviously. Not friends. Not if I'm just a friend of his. You wouldn't treat a friend obviously like that. It's not obvious at all if you're just a friend.

33:42 Adam You're in love with the guy. No, no. But look, no, no, no. Yes, it is. Who are you kidding?

33:52 Caller Why would you say that, Lilik?

33:55 Adam Well, we read it on you. That's why.

33:58 Drew It's okay. It's all right. Whatever. It's all right. But you need to move on and have a real relationship.

34:04 Caller But it's like, okay, though. It won't come off as like weird or anything, right?

34:07 Drew What do you care? This guy doesn't care.

34:09 Adam Here's the problem. Drew, go back to that place where you worried so much about what someone who doesn't care cares about. You know what I mean? And that's what it is. It's like, oh, you want, you know, like, oh, dread, dread, dread, dread.

34:31 Drew And it adds, add a sex relationship into that.

34:35 Adam Oh, the humanity. Now, here, here's the thing. You are pining for this person in a way. Yeah.

34:43 Drew I'm not as bad as some yet, but yes, you can be realistic and pine. Yes.

34:47 Adam I mean, you can be completely realistic and understand that this person does, you know, it's unrequited love. He's not interested or her or whoever's not interested in you in the way you're interested in them and still have deep feelings for them. It's hard to shut those things down.

35:01 Drew I think for the most part, women deal better with that than men. They convince themselves out of it in some more flexible way.

35:08 Adam Right.

35:08 Drew Man, it's just the ridges.

35:10 Adam Yeah.

35:11 Drew It becomes like an obsessional.

35:13 Adam It's getting cathartic now, Drew. Please stop. You're scaring Chris. Chris, yes?

35:17 Drew He wasn't listening.

35:18 Adam He wasn't listening.

35:20 Drew Adam, your friend, yes or no?

35:22 Adam Yes.

35:23 Drew All right.

35:24 Adam Here's...

35:24 Drew Adam, is Chris your friend?

35:25 Adam I don't know if Chris is. I hear... Okay, buddy. Come on. Give me a warm-up. So, okay. You have feelings. They don't reciprocate the feelings. And then you're worried about how they're going to feel about you doing stuff because in the back of your mind, there's this... It's like, ah, you got a lottery ticket chance. And you're not going to throw the lottery ticket away before they call the numbers. Even though we're saying to you, it's one in a billion, throw it away and move on.

35:51 Drew Not only that, but there is a little bit of a perceptual distortion, which is, I'm thinking so much about this guy. He's everything. I must... Something must come... I must figure on his radar too.

36:05 Adam No, because every goddamn movie that's on talks about destiny and about things that were meant to be and love at first sight and soulmates and all that nonsense, it makes you think you can want it bad enough for the two of you.

36:22 Caller No.

36:23 Adam No.

36:24 Caller No.

36:24 Adam No. Believe me, there's some...

36:27 Drew Now it's getting cathartic for you.

36:30 Adam There's somebody out there that feels that way about the CT.

36:34 Drew Sure, but she ain't interested.

36:36 Adam Ain't interested.

36:37 Drew That's the comedy of... That is, what was God thinking about? He arranged all the relationships like that, and he made the motivational priorities of men and women at their most different during primary productive years.

36:51 Adam Well, we're going to find out one day, Drew.

36:54 Drew We are? Oh, when we meet up with them?

36:57 Adam We ascend to heaven. Doreen? You're 21?

37:03 Drew Where's she going?

37:05 Adam What's up?

37:07 Well, I've been taking Vicodin for about the last year or so, and recently in the last six months, I realized that my sex drive is just about zero.

37:16 Drew Opiates will do that. They just take it away.

37:18 Adam Really?

37:19 Drew They also can screw with your period, too. You can lose your periods and stuff. You have that happening yet?

37:22 Yeah, actually, there's the last couple weeks. That's funny.

37:26 Drew Well, you've stepped up the dosing. What are you taking, about 20 a day or so?

37:32 A little less than that.

37:33 Drew Yeah, so you're up there and that, you know, there you go.

37:36 Adam How the hell, Drew tells me he has patients that take 100 Vicodin a day.

37:41 Drew I had one take 100. My average, by the time Doreen gets to me, she'll be taking 30 to 50.

37:46 Adam 30 to 50. And what do you fit now?

37:48 Drew She's at 20.

37:48 Adam 15 or 18?

37:50 Drew She's at 20.

37:51 Adam What are you at, Doreen? Huh? What did you say? How many do you take a day?

37:57 Depends on the milligrams. If they're, you know, 500, it takes about 10 to 15.

38:02 Adam Mm-hmm. How do you get them?

38:06 On the street. I have a source.

38:09 Adam And where?

38:10 Drew I have a score.

38:12 I said I have a source.

38:13 Drew A source.

38:13 Adam Oh, you have a source. Yes. Drew, how, by the way, hold on a second. How does this work with the drug companies? I mean, speak candidly, please. I don't know what percentage of Vicodin are given to people that don't really need Vicodin. I mean, a lot through prescription and then just when you have, you know, like let's put it this way. You create a product. That product is going to go to a person after they have an ankle surgery or dental or orthosurgery or something like that. And they're going to take, a guy like me, I take four a year for whatever, various whatever. Someone like this is eating 30 a day or 25 a day or 50 a day, every day. I mean, you get a few of these drug garbage disposals going and the product, I mean, think how much product is being moved, you know? Obviously, they're aware of it. Are they aware of it like cigarette companies are aware of what they do? So they put the do not smoke on the package and then just happily sell them away to the?

39:17 Drew Yeah, they are not involved in what happens with their product. They're just involved in distributing it as the market demands.

39:24 Adam If all illegal consumption of something like Vicodin went away?

39:28 Drew Probably 20 percent, maybe 30 percent.

39:31 Adam 30 percent, but that translates into millions of dollars, right?

39:34 Drew It may be nice if they would contribute to the treatment process or something.

39:40 Adam They can't control it any better than what they're doing? I don't understand. It goes to pharmacies? Does it get stolen from pharmacies?

39:48 Drew It gets internationally and a web company, a website.

39:52 Adam Obviously, they could control that, couldn't they?

39:55 Drew It's hard. It's very hard. I can't keep drugs off my chemical dependency unit.

40:00 Adam Really?

40:01 Drew It's impossible. Got any samples for me?

40:03 Adam What do you got in the sample department?

40:04 Drew Well, thank you for at least asking for samples, not just asking me to score for you.

40:07 Adam Score some samples, dude. Well, I say samples. I mean like 30 samples of five and they should be free.

40:13 Drew That's why you only take four if I can prescribe a year. The rest of the time it's just samples.

40:17 Adam No, all I'm saying is you're Pfizer or Upjohn or whoever makes, who makes Pfizer?

40:25 Drew I think it's like Pharmasear. I don't want to say it because I don't know who did it, but somebody like not a usual company.

40:30 Adam Okay, they make them. They make millions of tablets a year. They're allocated this going, obviously they can't just start throwing them around.

40:37 Drew But Adam, you know in the rest of the world.

40:39 Adam No, okay, the rest of the world.

40:41 Drew But so they get them, they ship them over here. You don't need prescriptions in a lot of parts of the world.

40:45 Adam All right. I just can't believe they couldn't control. If they controlled it, it would mean shipping half the product.

40:54 Drew How about them not worrying so much about controlling, just contributing to the treatment process? Because the addicts will find the drug. Listen, I'd rather think vicariously than shoot stuff.

41:05 Adam All right. Well, it's just the idea that people are taking 40, 50 a day. Where are you getting all this? It's a pharmaceutical. I don't know. I just I'm naïve. I thought you had to go to a doctor or a pharmacist.

41:18 Drew Well, they do. You say the right. Doctors are being threatened with legal action, not just lawsuits, criminal action, if they don't prescribe enough pain pills.

41:25 Adam Really?

41:25 Drew That's crazy.

41:27 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this. Oh, yeah, get it on.

42:01 Drew Yeah.

42:02 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline. That's my partner, Dr. Drew. You ready to hop back on the phones and help America?

42:14 Drew Here we go.

42:15 Adam All right.

42:15 Drew Break it down.

42:16 Adam Let's break it down. All right. Here we go. Kendall on line five. What's happening, baby doll? Twenty-five years of age.

42:26 Yes. Well, I'm having some problems in my relationships and it's been going on for quite a long time. And I'm wondering if it could be related to a personality disorder.

42:37 Drew Interesting question.

42:39 Well, basically, I date two types of men. I'm a student and I've dated men that are my age and in college. And those relationships never work out because I tend to be extremely demanding and overbearing and they run away screaming relatively quickly. And I never really care about them or enjoy the relationship very much. And then, I'm sorry. And then I date older men, 40 to 45 and fall madly in love with them. And of course, the feelings are not reciprocated. They're just in a different place in their life. And I don't know what's causing it or what is...

43:18 Adam That different place, by the way, is called not being in junior college.

43:23 Yeah. Not junior college, actually. I'm mastering at UCLA. So anyway, these guys are all very successful and intelligent, but the relationships are just completely dysfunctional.

43:35 Drew Well, so you either abandon or set yourself up for abandonment.

43:41 I was abandoned by my father.

43:43 Drew So you're reenacting that trauma and character disorders for which abandonment is a core issue. Yes, or the things, what I call Cluster B personality disorders, like borderline personality disorder. One thing about borderlines is their relationships are overly intense and can't be really maintained. Intimacy is an extremely dangerous place for you. A lot of chaos in your relationships and a lot of difficulty sustaining relationships.

44:09 Adam That's Cluster B. I think I have a Cluster F.

44:13 Drew Yes, you do. You have a rare, rare form of Cluster F.

44:17 Adam Everything seems to be a Cluster F with me.

44:19 Drew Yes, it does.

44:19 It's amazing.

44:20 Adam Hey, Kendall?

44:22 Yes.

44:23 Drew How about a little treatment there?

44:24 Adam Focus on a little therapy.

44:26 Drew How about that? Because you're locked into this reenactment trauma stuff where you're either-

44:32 I've tried therapy. I've gone to two therapists. One I ended up dating and the other one-

44:37 Drew That's a bad sign. What a dog. That is a bad sign. That's not only not having gone to therapy, that's making things worse. The other, if you stayed with for less than eight years, you didn't go. This is not something that's going to go away quickly.

44:52 Adam Yeah. I was just trying to think these poor guys that are dating her in college. College guys just have nothing to offer. I'm trying to think of what college guys have to offer. I thought really good-looking college guys will be fine. And then you're sort of crazy, atypical personality guys. The guys have started a business and are sort of successful and still going to college. These guys are DJing at some club or something like that. But your general college guy, you just got nothing.

45:25 Drew Nothing. Yeah.

45:26 Adam You got nothing. I mean, I was just sort of thinking about being 21, 22, just not even going to college, just driving a piece of ass.

45:34 Drew And boy, you've got more not going to college.

45:36 Adam No.

45:37 Drew Because at least you've got some life experience.

45:38 Adam How dare you? No, I'll tell you why you don't. Because in college, at least there's chicks. Maybe that went nothing to do with you. But just through proximity, you're going to get something. You know, your 21 year old guy swinging a hammer, cleaning a carpet. You just work with a bunch of guys from Guatemala. Now you're nothing. And you go out to some bar on the weekend and it's like, yeah, that's your piece of ass pickup truck. Oh, how many roommates do you have? What about dental insurance? You don't know. You got nothing. There's nothing you're bringing. It's horrible. Yeah. This is why I'm mad at Dr. Phil's kid.

46:13 Drew Oh, yeah. You must hate him.

46:15 Adam Driving a Ferrari. Remember when he told us, I said, what kind of car? He told me what kind of car he drove in college. 355 Ferrari. I almost strangled the guy. Yeah. Writing books. Writing books with the same title as dad's book is, but just replacing adult with teen. Really? Now he's hosting a TV show. Drew seething. Seething.

46:41 Drew Not seething.

46:42 Adam Beside himself.

46:43 Drew Actually, I feel kind of sorry for him.

46:44 Adam Yeah. All that boom tang in the Ferraris. Chris, could you imagine driving a Ferrari, having chicks up the wazoo and money coming out of your ears?

46:54 Drew Actually, I can't imagine.

46:56 Adam You can?

46:57 Drew But talking about stuff you really don't know what you're talking about and trying to represent yourself.

47:00 Adam Oh, yeah. It's got to be difficult.

47:02 Drew Hey, listen, let me tell you something. I'm going to finish with Kendall because we've got to go to break, but the deal is do not go to a therapist you're attracted to or you like. It's going to be an unpleasant, uncomfortable experience for you. And that's what needs to be worked through.

47:12 Adam Yeah. Yeah. That's yeah. All right. Should we take a break?

47:17 Drew Yeah.

47:18 Adam When we come back, Drew, speak to Rachel.

47:20 Drew Diane.

47:20 Adam Diane. Diane. Diane. Ah, boyfriend of five years has no sex drive. It's on testosterone.

47:27 Drew Good times.

47:27 Adam All that after this.

47:29 Drew Alright guys, here's the deal.

47:31 Caller You looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:35 One call is all you need to make.

47:36 Drew Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

47:53 Experience the Axe Effect.

48:15 Adam Experience the Axe Effect. The Love Between The Hosts Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. All right, there, Drew, what's up, buddy?

48:23 Drew What's up, Adam? Break it down.

48:24 Adam We need to get it on.

48:25 Drew Here we go.

48:26 Adam Gotta get it on.

48:27 Drew Let's get it on.

48:27 Adam Got to get it on now. All right, all right, let's go. Let's break it down. I like a nice home improvement question tonight. How about it? Who's got a home improvement question? And listen, phone screener Brian, I don't want any chicken ass calls about wax buildup or anything. I want a goddamn home improvement question.

48:46 Drew Like how to put a room on or something?

48:49 Adam Yeah, how to put a room on.

48:50 Drew Yeah, that's a good one. I have a question. I have a question. I have a hillside there. If I were going to try to create a pad, like a dirt, you know what I mean? Like another level there.

49:01 Adam What do I look like, Bob Vila? I want you to get a contract. All right, here we go.

49:06 Drew Good advice.

49:07 Adam Diane? Drew's been hypothetically building on his hillside for five years now. Diane, I keep telling him, just go ahead and do it, but he won't do it.

49:16 Drew No, I'm reconsidering. I'm just gonna put dirt down there, the retaining wall.

49:19 Adam It's cost money. That's the problem.

49:21 Drew Wouldn't that be better than the deck?

49:23 Adam I'll tell you the problem with Drew is his things cost money, so he can't move. He's paralyzed. He wants to do stuff and then he realizes, oh, what do you mean? Material labor, that costs money? Oh, wow.

49:34 Drew Forget it.

49:34 Adam Forget it. Go ahead, Diane.

49:38 Caller I wanted to ask the doctor about testosterone constantly working out, taking a bunch of supplements, how it affects the sex drive, and the attitude.

49:48 Drew It makes them irritable, labile, like up and down.

49:54 Adam Labile means up and down?

49:55 Drew Yeah, eventually depressed, and eventually shuts the sex drive down completely.

50:01 Caller Oh, completely.

50:02 Drew But first it turns it all up, and then it shuts it down.

50:05 Adam Well, that's steroids, or that's testosterone, or-

50:08 Drew Testosterone is an androgenic male steroid.

50:12 Adam Yes.

50:13 Caller Testosterone that he's ordering, I don't think it's steroids.

50:17 Drew Testosterone is a steroid.

50:19 Adam It is. And it's just the same as any other steroid?

50:22 Drew Any other steroid, just a very powerful steroid.

50:25 Adam Carries the same weight, same baggage.

50:27 Drew Some have a little more androgenic effects, some have a little more anabolic effects, but testosterone-

50:32 Adam What's the difference between androgenic and anabolic?

50:34 Drew Anabolic is male, anabolic is build up, androgenic is male.

50:38 Adam Androgenic, so one is to build up, the other is from a male.

50:43 Drew Right, make more masculine.

50:45 Adam Right.

50:46 Drew And they both-

50:46 Adam Aren't they all the same?

50:47 Drew They're these little, you know, I don't know how they decide which mix they want to get in there, but obviously androgenic will build muscle, but some of them build mass in addition to muscle, you know?

50:57 Adam Right, all right. Diane?

50:59 Drew But it's all gonna give him strokes and heart attacks and liver disease, and kidney disease.

51:03 Adam And by the way, you know, people, women constantly, or men or whoever, constantly women complain about, oh, look at her, she's got the boob job. She's got, what about the guys that are on the juice for us poor guys when we hit the beach? These guys got veins coming out of their calves and foreheads and stuff.

51:22 Drew Yeah, just look around those. How many of those guys that were Mr. Olympias and things, Arnold may be an exception, they don't seem to be around at 50 and 60. A lot of them just vanish.

51:32 Adam Or they just get that scary gay thing going.

51:35 Drew No, they don't. They're all leathery.

51:37 Adam No, that's AIDS. That's AIDS. Yeah, and by the way, go to the gym. You got guys in there that would have won Mr. Olympia in like 1965.

51:47 Drew Oh yeah, without steroids.

51:48 Adam These guys are clerks. No, not without steroids.

51:53 Drew Oh, with it they would have killed, yeah.

51:54 Adam No, no, no, listen to me. Here's my point is, I said go to the gym today. You see guys who would have won Mr. Olympia in 1965.

52:03 Drew What I'm saying, amongst those guys, even those who aren't taking the juice could have taken it down. Those with the juice, forget it.

52:09 Adam No, I'm just saying it's the juice. These guys are incredible.

52:12 Drew Yeah, forget it.

52:13 Adam Yeah, yeah, so what about us? That's our fake boobs.

52:16 Drew I know, except our stuff actually kills you.

52:19 Adam Yeah, well, we're not on the, but when it comes to attracting the opposite sex, we should get some credit for not being on the juice.

52:26 Drew Yeah, that's what you're saying.

52:26 Adam See what I'm saying?

52:29 Drew Yeah, we should be held up as a higher form.

52:31 Adam Yeah, we're all all natural, ladies. Yeah, I didn't just get these love handles. You know, it's just born with love handles. You gotta work at it.

52:41 Drew Work them out, yeah.

52:41 Adam Yeah, Rachel? You're 18? What's happening? You know what's weird? Steroids never really helped boxing that much. The guys on the juice doesn't really do anything for them. I don't know what it is. There's too much rhythm involved with it or too much speed or too much something. It's just no one has really figured it out right.

53:07 Drew Or maybe the guys that really do the juice aren't into the boxing.

53:11 Adam No, no, I think they're looking for an edge in a competitive arena. It just doesn't seem to do them.

53:19 Drew Certainly helps in baseball, football.

53:21 Adam Yeah, and maybe it would one day in boxing, but it just doesn't seem to do it. I mean, you know, the last guy who got tossed out for being on the juice, I can't remember his name, but he lost a couple of years ago to De La Hoya. He got knocked out by De La Hoya. Then he got suspended for a year for being on the juice. So you look great. You get knocked out by the guys not on the juice.

53:51 Caller Yeah.

53:54 Adam What's up?

53:55 Caller Um, I have a question. I recently, I've been having sex with my boyfriend for probably three months or something. Mm-hmm. And recently, it's starting to hurt me. Mm-hmm.

54:09 Drew Where?

54:09 Caller Like, it feels like I've gotten tighter.

54:11 Adam Mm-hmm.

54:13 Drew Is there pain just at the initiation of sex, or?

54:16 Caller Yes, it feels like the first time I've had sex every time we have sex.

54:22 Drew Huh. And then does it loosen up after a while? That could be good, huh?

54:26 Caller Then it's fine.

54:27 Drew Then it's fine. So it's right at the beginning, and then you're okay.

54:30 Caller Uh-huh.

54:31 Adam Mm-hmm.

54:32 Drew Well, that is usually, as much as anything, that tends to be an anxiety symptom, a muscular contraction that causes that.

54:39 Adam Well, it's either that or lubrication, right?

54:41 Drew Lubrication has something to do with it sometimes. Is that a problem? What do you think she's thinking?

54:49 Adam I think she's thinking like a good multi-grade from so far apart. I mean, are you as moist as you normally are or were these days?

54:59 Caller I'm the same. What I was thinking originally, because we've talked about it, and he said originally, at the beginning, he was still nervous because it was his first time with anyone. So he wasn't fully hard the first month or so, but then recently he started getting harder when we were doing it.

55:21 Drew No way. No way.

55:23 Adam Wait a minute. And by the way, I imagine when you're not fully erect, and you're trying to have sex.

55:29 Drew Yeah, it doesn't work.

55:30 Adam You ever have the drawstring pull out of your sweatpants and try to fish it back through? That's kind of what that... It's the same motions, like a horrible... It's like a bad dream. It's like running insane, trying to fish your penis through that small opening. It's bending. You can only get a little bit in at a time. Use your fingers like stuff.

55:50 Drew It's a bad...

55:52 Adam It's bad when you're loading a vagina with your penis. Like, I just gotta...

55:57 Drew Packing.

55:57 Adam Yeah, you're packing. Like you're a magician who's getting set up.

56:01 Drew You're putting those handkerchiefs into the cap.

56:03 Adam The one that keeps pulling out? Yeah, just filling it into my sleeve.

56:07 Drew There you go.

56:08 Adam Yeah, that's a bad sign. That is bad.

56:11 Drew It's just bad times. Again, cathartic Adam. I felt it. I felt your pain.

56:16 Adam Bad times.

56:17 Drew It never happened to me, but I felt your pain.

56:19 Adam Yeah, especially when you start, I would start with the middle of the penis. Stuff it in, taco it, fold it in half, shove it in. And I would use like, yeah, once in a while I'd use like one of those shoe horses with the shoe horns with the horse's head on it.

56:37 Drew You'd use the horse's head?

56:38 Adam Yeah, the horse's head.

56:39 Yeah, of course.

56:40 Adam I'd hold the bamboo part.

56:42 Drew Well, you'd have one of your friends do it at a distance.

56:44 Adam Yeah, you'd be back a few feet. Do we have any answer for Rachel over here?

56:50 Drew Rachel, is there anything else going on? Are you nervous? Is the relationship going okay? Yeah, it's fine. You want any medication? Anything else changed?

56:57 Caller No, nothing.

56:58 Drew Nothing has changed for you?

57:00 Caller No.

57:01 Drew And how long have you been having this discomfort? Let's assume it's going to go away.

57:08 Adam Okay, how about you use some lubrication?

57:12 Caller We are.

57:13 Adam You are?

57:14 Drew Yeah.

57:14 Adam You is?

57:15 Caller We're using lubricated condoms and I am completely wet.

57:21 Adam Hmm. That's nice. Yes, Drew?

57:24 Drew What's up? Have you changed condom brands or anything like that?

57:30 Adam Hmm. Is he giving you sufficient foreplay? Yes.

57:36 Drew That's going to be fine.

57:38 Adam You'll be fine. Yeah. It's all going to come out in the wash. Yeah, no problems. Yeah?

57:42 Drew Yeah, good times.

57:43 Adam Let's get it on. We've got to get it on. Let's break it down. Let's get it on. Anna?

57:48 Caller Yes?

57:48 Adam You're 20?

57:49 Caller Uh-huh.

57:50 Adam What's up?

57:52 Caller I'm taking ortho-tri-shyclin-low birth pills and I ran out and I need to start a new packet tomorrow. And I want to know if it made a difference if I started taking Bethigen instead.

58:02 Drew Which one?

58:05 Caller The first ones, I got prescribed by a doctor and the second ones are my sister's.

58:10 Does it matter if I take your...

58:12 Drew I'd have to go look up Bethigen. I mean, which one? What's your first pill? Your current pill?

58:16 Caller Ortho-tri-shyclin-low.

58:18 Drew Well, this does not sound like a tri-cyclic pill you're switching over to, so...

58:22 Adam Yeah, because it has try in there.

58:24 Drew Yeah, I would say try something. Bethigen is probably a low dose, just a monocyclic pill. I gotta look it up to tell you exactly what it is.

58:31 Adam Yeah, that's a hemorrhoid cream.

58:32 Drew No, I don't think so. But, no, yes, it would make a big difference, so don't do that. Do not take other people's medication, even birth control pills. And by the way, how hard is it to call a doctor and get a prescription tomorrow?

58:47 Adam I was going to say, you shouldn't take other people's meds unless it has that picture of the martini glass tilted over and then the bar is dry. That means no drinking and then that means game on.

58:57 Drew Yeah.

58:57 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the sleepy one too. I'm attracted like the two labels I like are the no boozing one and then the sleepy eyed one. Oh, oh, that guy's falling asleep. That could be me. I could be falling asleep. I gotta get on.

59:13 Drew Can't have that. But Anna, why can't you call a doctor in the morning and get a prescription? I gotta ask her. Come on.

59:18 Adam All right.

59:19 Drew I gotta know what the problem is with that. Anna, why can't you call a doctor and get a prescription first thing in the morning? Okay. Why couldn't you do that?

59:26 Caller Well, because I don't have money to go get it in hers, because she's pregnant now, so they're free. And I was just going to start taking hers tomorrow.

59:33 Drew Well, then check with your doctor and see if they mind that. And maybe they'll have samples for you at the doctor's office and give them to you for free.

59:38 Adam Wait, your sister's pregnant now?

59:40 Caller Yeah. So she's not taking them anymore.

59:42 Adam Oh. Oh, the pills did a great job for her. And-

59:46 Caller That was planned.

59:47 Adam Oh, okay.

59:48 She had these extra.

59:49 Adam How old is she?

59:50 Caller She's 25.

59:53 Adam And okay. Yeah. Listen, everybody. We got to. You're worth it. You got to go see the doctor.

1:00:01 Drew Or just listen. Ask him for samples. Doctors will have free-

1:00:05 Adam Will they?

1:00:05 Drew Yes.

1:00:06 Adam But then everyone goes in for samples and you get screwed.

1:00:09 Drew And then or ask if he or she minds you switching to this desigen. I doubt they'll have you do that. And then this planned parenthood.

1:00:17 Adam Let's go back to the phones. Speak to Anna, who's 21. Anna?

1:00:22 Drew Hello.

1:00:23 Adam What's happening, baby girl?

1:00:24 I was just wondering, can you have a relationship without being physical or sexually attracted to a person?

1:00:33 Adam Yeah.

1:00:33 Drew Well, no.

1:00:34 Adam I'm having one with someone I don't know right now.

1:00:36 Drew Well, Chris.

1:00:37 Adam Oh, yeah. Engineer Chris.

1:00:39 Drew He, though, is having a physical relationship with Adam, strangely enough.

1:00:41 Adam Yeah.

1:00:42 Drew But, Anna, forget the theory. We don't want to discuss any more theories tonight.

1:00:48 Adam Yeah.

1:00:48 Drew What's happening with you?

1:00:50 Well, okay, I've been dating this guy for two and a half years.

1:00:53 Caller And when we first started dating, I, like, he kind of gave me the ultimate, like, good friend to me, you know?

1:01:01 He kind of gave me the ultimate on either we date or we're never going to see each other again. So I was like, I can't let him go. So I started dating him and stuff and we had fun. And last week I went on vacation and I cheated on him to a guy that I thought was attracted. And like since I came back, I told him, you know, and he was mad at first and then he forgave me. And like it makes me feel horrible, you know, because he still wants to work things out and I'm just like.

1:01:28 Adam Hold on. Hold on a second.

1:01:29 Drew You're done. You're done. You're done.

1:01:30 Adam She never started.

1:01:31 Drew Yeah. Just get the end of it.

1:01:34 Adam When you say you cheated, what do you mean? Did you have sex?

1:01:37 No. It was pretty close, but no.

1:01:39 Adam What, did you have oral sex?

1:01:41 Caller Yeah.

1:01:41 Adam Why did you tell your boyfriend?

1:01:45 Caller I thought we were supposed to be honest with each other.

1:01:50 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sure.

1:01:52 Adam You're such a saint. Yeah. You know, you got to, let's just look at honesty for a second and let's just look at this sort of righteous thing that everyone has. You're such a righteous person. You're such an honest person, such a forthright person that you'll go ahead and blow a guy in Cancun and then come back and tell your boyfriend all about it. If you were such an honest person, you wouldn't be blowing the guy. It's not the same person.

1:02:20 Drew And really, by the way, wouldn't the honest move to be to come back and immediately break up with your boyfriend to go, look, this relationship is not working. To be honest with you, I can't go on. That's honest.

1:02:29 Adam I'm going to take it a step further. You're actually bad, bad, and bad, which is here's the way people look at it, which is, well, I did a bad thing by having oral with this stranger on vacation, but I then did a good thing by being honest with my with my partner. So it's a wash. It's a push. No, here's what it is. You did a bad thing by blowing the stranger. You did another bad thing by have then going in spilling the details to your partner. And then thirdly, you're walking around with your head held high, claiming you're a righteous person, which is actually a third bad thing. It just it's like Clinton, you know. Yeah, he gets sucked off by a junior secretary and then has a he's so proud.

1:03:16 Drew What did he get now? I missed that part in the CBS in the evening news.

1:03:21 Adam Yeah, he rapes an intern with a Havana and then goes in meets with his has meets with the spiritual folks. It goes to church and they work it out. Yeah, right. Please. Like I said, the guy who's actually spiritual or the person that actually cares doesn't do the raping with the cigar in the first place.

1:03:44 Drew Right. Or if he does take some serious action immediately.

1:03:48 Adam Now you have you have cheater and sociopath whereas before he just had cheater. See what I'm saying?

1:03:57 Drew Let's refine this even further. Sometimes, people don't realize how unhappy they are or how trapped or whatever their relationship isn't working and when they cheat, that should be their message. That things absolutely categorically are not working. If you are married, you get immediately get help. If you are not married, you immediately break up.

1:04:18 Adam When a chick cheats, especially. When a chick cheats, that's it. Guy, a little bit of a biological mandate, especially younger guys. Guy goes on vacation, starts boozing, gets caught up in the moment. He can cheat. By the way, that guy is coming home with a big bouquet of flowers. I got you the macadamia nuts dipped in chocolate and a lion of ukulele.

1:04:42 Drew Can I cook you dinner?

1:04:44 Adam You went to Mexico. No, I went by Hawaii to grab you some junk too. Yeah, here you go. Then he shuts his lips. You'll know he cheated because he talks too much.

1:04:53 Drew He's doubling down on everything.

1:04:55 Adam What did you do?

1:04:55 Drew Not much.

1:04:56 Adam Nothing. He starts blaming one of his friends.

1:05:00 Drew I know that's Stu. He's such an idiot.

1:05:03 Adam Stu said when to go out. I said, we got to get an early start. I was longboarding most of the time. Then there's a lot of sports center. There's a cable. I watch TV from inside the hotel room.

1:05:15 Drew Again, ladies, it's not the guy that's distant or having trouble orgasming that's going to be the cheater.

1:05:21 Adam No.

1:05:21 Drew Right? It's the guy that's doubling down on everything and talking too much.

1:05:24 Adam Right.

1:05:25 Drew That's the guy.

1:05:28 Adam That's the guy. I would love to get some data on guys who come home from a business trip or from a vacation without their significant other, wife, girlfriend, whoever, who bring fairly lavish gifts. I'll tell you, it takes a guy with brass wavos the size of Texas to go out, bang a few strippers and come home with nothing.

1:05:59 Drew That would be a rare guy.

1:06:01 Adam Well, I picked you up a Smirnoff bottle at the duty free place at LAX, but as you know, I'm a Smirnoff fan.

1:06:07 Drew But that's why we as guys don't trust the guys that they're lavish with this guy. What is he up to? He's up to something.

1:06:16 Adam All right. So I'm going to yell at Anna a little more. Anna?

1:06:18 Caller Uh-huh. All right.

1:06:20 Adam So you're done with this guy. You never really were into him.

1:06:24 Caller But why can't I just let go? That's what I'm like. I don't know if there's more because I told him, we should break up, you know?

1:06:34 Drew Because here's the deal. Here's the deal. You've only been abandoned in your life. You've only been let go. You've never had done the letting go and that's too painful to put somebody else in that position. In other words, being broken up with is painful to you, therefore, you wouldn't put somebody else in that position. You know what I'm saying? Therefore, you can't bring it upon yourself to do it, so you're going to do all these horrible things to sort of make it happen.

1:06:58 Adam Right. And the problem with this guy is he's, you know, he has a slinky first spine and he won't do it and that turns you off even more.

1:07:07 Drew And so you get more angry, more resentful and do more awful things.

1:07:10 Adam Right.

1:07:11 Drew Make sense?

1:07:12 Caller I don't know. Like I wouldn't, you see, but the thing is, is that I don't, he said like, you know what, it's going to hurt me. I don't want to be with you anymore.

1:07:23 Adam All right. Just like break up. I'm sorry.

1:07:26 Drew She didn't hear a word we said.

1:07:28 Adam Nah, well, the line's banned. So is her brain. But here's the whole thing, Drew, you know, there's this like detox thing that a lot of the drug, you know, a lot of people don't want to get off whatever they're addicted to because of that whole detoxing thing, that whole coming down. I mean, they're all freaked out about that period of time where, you know, they're having to, you know, go without. And then a few years ago, someone was floating this thing where we'll give you some drugs, we'll put you to sleep, essentially, we'll put you in this sort of suspended state.

1:07:59 Drew But that people have the misconception that will cure their addiction.

1:08:01 Adam Few weeks will go by your body will somehow or four days will go by your body will lose its dependency on these and then you wake up, you feel good. We need this for breaking up with people.

1:08:12 Drew We need to rapid human detox, rapid, right, rapid relationship detox.

1:08:17 Adam We just pump you full of sedatives. We give you like a morphine drip and we play. We play a surf movies on some sort of overhead.

1:08:28 Drew No, no, I know it's going to work. You get an amytal, which is truth serum, and then you bring in the significant other.

1:08:36 Adam Wasn't sodium pentothal that used to be the true serum? Yeah, it was really amytal. What would happen if I took an amytal?

1:08:42 Drew God only knows. Oh, the things that we might find out. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. They'll be buried in your house for Christ's sake.

1:08:49 Adam Does it just make you sloppy? Is it like a quailude?

1:08:51 Drew Yeah, it's like a quailude.

1:08:52 Adam You just get, you're cute.

1:08:53 Drew That kind of stupid?

1:08:59 Adam You call it the truth serum, but it's just because you drink too much, you're sort of stupid, you start talking about stuff you shouldn't.

1:09:06 Drew Basically.

1:09:07 Adam I'm going to get one of those.

1:09:08 Drew And it's not considered a great technique anymore.

1:09:11 Adam Yeah, really? But you get a nice buzz? I want you to grant me one of those.

1:09:16 Drew It's IV.

1:09:17 Adam What? IV? Okay, give me the back. I'll administer it on the ride home. Okay. So what was I saying, Drew? Oh yeah, this would be good, detox, because Anna's 21. She's in the middle of one of these crappy relationships that 21-year-olds get into where it goes on for too long and no one's got the balls to break up and they can't do it, everyone feels like crap. These guys just need to go under for a week and wake up with this person cleansed from their body.

1:09:41 Drew That's great.

1:09:42 Adam All right. Worried about being seductive with boyfriend that sex sucks, why too much? What is this?

1:09:50 Drew Melanie.

1:09:51 Adam What is this call?

1:09:52 Drew I don't quite get it, but.

1:09:54 Adam Melanie?

1:09:55 Yeah.

1:09:56 Adam You're 18?

1:09:57 Caller Yeah.

1:09:58 Adam What's up?

1:09:59 Caller Okay, you guys aren't understanding what I was trying to tell the guy earlier. Pretty much my boyfriend and I have just been having sex for a couple of months. When it started, I was into it because it was built up the anticipation of it. The first month was fun, but now it's kind of turned into, I guess, the best way for me to explain it is, for me, a theatrical act. All I'm worried about is making sure he's turned on and...

1:10:28 Drew So you're done. You're either done with this guy or you've got some intimacy problems. Those are your two options.

1:10:35 Caller Okay.

1:10:36 Adam Well, maybe both. Well, are you not turned on by him anymore?

1:10:43 Caller I guess not completely.

1:10:44 Drew How come?

1:10:48 Caller I don't know, I guess I'm having some things, just feeling like he's not going anywhere in life and I guess it started off... The relationship kind of started off that I was really enjoying the attention I was getting and now it's just kind of like I don't really need your attention anymore.

1:11:03 Drew You want a real relationship.

1:11:05 Adam Perfect. Well, he's a loser, right?

1:11:08 Caller Yeah.

1:11:09 Adam What's he do?

1:11:10 Caller Nothing.

1:11:11 Drew Nothing.

1:11:11 Adam How old is he? Nothing.

1:11:13 Caller 20.

1:11:15 Adam Guys, it's such a horrible no man's land when you're 20. Drew, you're complaining. You were in college. You're not in college. You just bounce. Like, here's your big plan. Yeah, I know a guy at the video store who's going to let me fill out an application. Like, oh, chick get wet hearing about that. Some stupid plan about nothing. It's always somebody you know, some friend of somebody, your dad's buddy owns a construction outfit. He might be able to.

1:11:40 Drew Yeah.

1:11:41 Adam Yeah, it's like, I don't do anything for a change. No money, no juice. No, you got, you know, women love a little juice. You got no juice when you're 20. Now, see, what you had at 20 is hypothetical juice.

1:11:55 Drew No, I had no juice.

1:11:56 Adam No, no, you had juice. I'm going to college.

1:11:58 Caller I'm going to be a physician like my daddy.

1:12:00 Drew Yeah, that's, that's nerd juice.

1:12:02 Adam You had nerd juice.

1:12:03 Drew Negative juice.

1:12:04 Adam No, no, you look at it that way, but you were, you had potential for juice. You were building a stairway to juice heaven.

1:12:14 Drew Believe me, that, all right, we'll talk up there.

1:12:17 Adam We have a conversation about this. All right, it's going to get sad. We got to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:12:24 Dude, you got issues. 800-LOVE-191.

1:12:52 Adam Hey, yo, Loveline.

1:12:54 Yeah.

1:12:56 Adam Get my stool under me.

1:12:58 Drew I beg your pardon?

1:13:01 Adam No one thought about naming a stool. A stool is something you sit on, and it's all very ass-related.

1:13:08 Drew Yeah.

1:13:09 Adam Is that how it goes? Any connection? I don't know.

1:13:12 Drew I don't think so. I don't think so.

1:13:14 Adam Here we go. 1-800-LOVE-191. Let's talk to Rhiannon, who's very horny. What's happening, Rhiannon?

1:13:25 I have a severe problem with like always wanting to have sex and definitely trying to have sex. And I don't have time to do that. And I have HPD, which makes it kind of inconvenient to be having sex all the time.

1:13:42 Adam You got the warts and you're thinking constantly about sex.

1:13:47 All the time.

1:13:48 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

1:13:50 Not anymore.

1:13:51 Drew What happened with that?

1:13:54 Oh, I met a girl while he was out of town and had a threesome with her and a guy. And I told him about it after the fact. Like a week later, they met and they fell in love and left me. That was in like April.

1:14:09 Adam The girl you had the threesome with?

1:14:11 Drew With the guy, with your boyfriend?

1:14:14 Yeah. Well, I had hooked up with her and a guy while my boyfriend was out of town. And I introduced her to my boyfriend. And my boyfriend and her fell in love and left me. It was very sad.

1:14:25 Adam You kind of deserve it. Hey, Rhiannon, you sound nuts.

1:14:29 Thanks.

1:14:30 Adam Yeah.

1:14:31 That's great.

1:14:32 Adam Well, I talk to a lot of people every night. I always can tell when someone is nuts. And you sound nutty.

1:14:38 Drew Are you bipolar?

1:14:40 I don't think so.

1:14:41 Drew Has that ever been discussed with you?

1:14:45 I got tested when I was in like 10th grade, and they decided that the diagnosis was that I was severely depressed at the time, I think, was the diagnosis.

1:14:58 Drew And are you an abuse survivor?

1:15:00 Yes.

1:15:01 Adam What happened?

1:15:05 Which time?

1:15:06 Drew What's the first time?

1:15:07 Adam What got it started? Well, the very beginning was being named Rhiannon.

1:15:11 Drew Yeah, well that was with abuse, and the spelling too.

1:15:14 Adam The first blow struck.

1:15:15 Drew Then it spelled it in some kind of weird way.

1:15:17 Adam Is that like that Fleetwood Mac song? It is?

1:15:21 Yes.

1:15:22 Adam I thought that was Rhiannon. It's Rhiannon?

1:15:26 Yes.

1:15:27 Adam Hold on a second.

1:15:28 Drew This is where the hippie parents got the name.

1:15:30 Adam Yeah, I'm sure of it. Well, I brought it up, Jacko.

1:15:33 Drew Yeah, I know.

1:15:33 Adam But what I'm saying is when you listen to that Fleetwood Mac song, it's Rhiannon. They don't say Rhiannon.

1:15:42 Drew But you're saying if you look at the back of the album, you can see it written in the back.

1:15:46 Adam Oh, I'm sure it's spelled that way. You don't hear them saying none. Oh, shut up. Brian yelled, they do in my ear. Someone go to The Arrow, go get that song. They don't say Rhiannon. All right. No one knows what I'm talking about. Okay. They say Rhiannon.

1:16:04 Drew What was the first abuse situation?

1:16:06 I was seven. And what happened? I had a boy who was 12 teaching another boy how to have sex.

1:16:14 Adam On you?

1:16:15 Yes.

1:16:15 Drew Oh, that's good times. That's great.

1:16:17 Adam Well, then who abused you? The guy who was instructing the class or the guy who was actually?

1:16:24 Drew And what was going on at home at that time?

1:16:28 Adam Smoking weed, listening to Fleetwood Mac.

1:16:30 At that particular time, it was a New Year's Eve party with like, like my aunt and uncle had decided to babysit for all the rest of their, like.

1:16:40 Drew No, I mean, what kind of home situation did you live in?

1:16:43 What kind of home situation? I have my mom and my dad that raised me and then my biological father who I found out I had when I was eight.

1:16:53 Adam All right. All right. So anyway.

1:16:55 I have a home life story and I was in college, just graduated, excited.

1:17:00 Adam All right. Listen. Ran on. You're smart. You got plenty of IQ, but you got abused and you're spinning a little bit. So how about a little therapy?

1:17:10 Drew Or some psychiatric care too. I mean, you may be bipolar. You're definitely an abuse survivor. That's going to affect. You're a sex addict now, it sounds like, or at least sexually compulsed. And sexual addiction is, you know, from a definitional standpoint, is about the consequences. It is not a cool thing. It makes you do things, lose relationships, have consequences that are not great. Go see somebody who knows how to treat that. That's what you got to do. You got to do that because this is going to continue to progress, which is another feature of sexual addiction. It gets worse.

1:17:43 Adam But good times.

1:17:44 Drew Yeah, but good times, huh?

1:17:45 Adam You're smart. Get a little therapy. Yeah. Take care of yourself.

1:17:49 Drew All right.

1:17:50 All right.

1:17:51 Adam Well, here's the deal, everybody. Feel free to fix yourself. Go ahead. Fix yourself. I mean, do what it's going to take. You got a car that's not running right? Don't just stare at it. Go take it to somebody who knows more than you do. Get it running. And do it for you, by the way. Do all this for you.

1:18:11 Drew Yes. It's not for the man.

1:18:13 Adam I got to give everyone a speech here.

1:18:14 Drew It's not for the man.

1:18:15 Adam It's you. You are, look at yourself as some laptop that you travel with. Everywhere you go, that's what you got. That's all you got. That's, I don't care if you're in Tokyo. I don't care if you're in Geneva. I don't care if you're on the plane or in the airport. That's all. That laptop. That's all. That's all you got. Don't you want to load that with information?

1:18:36 Drew Keep it running, right?

1:18:37 Adam Don't you want it not to have a virus? Don't you want it to be as many gigabytes as humanly possible? Is that what you, that's all you got. That's all you got is your brain. And then everything else, by the way, you straighten that part out and that's it. You can have good relationships. You can make money. Whatever it is you're into. What's your thing? You want to start a business? What are you into? You into music? Whatever you're into, get your head right. Then you get to go do it. I don't know why anyone would fight that. Why is there a stigma in our society against getting your computer, let's not call the brain, let's not even call it an emotion. Emotional well-being and stuff like that. Let's just call the computer. And let's face it, that's all your brain is. It's essentially a computer and the guys who are a little smarter got a little better computer. That's all. Just like a lot of folks. I know got that Tandy one from Radio Shack.

1:19:35 Drew Yes, you can put the software into the less powerful one and make it work quite nicely.

1:19:39 Adam It's flesh colored.

1:19:40 Drew Oh yeah.

1:19:40 Adam You know that one?

1:19:41 Drew That's nice.

1:19:42 Adam Wasn't that creepy by the way? Who decided? All the computers had to be like weird flesh colored, beiges and stuff like what? I'm going to do this thing or I'm trying to do a spreadsheet. What the hell? The point is that's all you got. That's your computer. So why wouldn't you get that computer? Why not download some software and all of a sudden, oh man, you can play chess, you can speak foreign languages, you can spell. Why not? Why not just get that as powerful as you can? And then once your computer gets power, then you just go through your life computing and being successful. What's wrong with that? Is there's a stigma to that? And by the way, all we ever talk about is we look up at everyone who betters themselves, but you got to be doing pushups or you have to be donating your time to the homeless. You can never therapy, oh, please, what's wrong, Pusso?

1:20:32 Drew That's touchy feely.

1:20:33 Adam Yeah, that's weird. No, no, yes, you better yourself go, you climb the mountain, you always say he's got one arm, he's climbed K2, oh, my God. Yeah, but by the way, these people are all just basically alcoholics. That's what these people are. These thrill seekers are the people you see on Oprah and all that stuff, they're really just reckless alcoholics.

1:20:52 Drew Yeah, they're gratifying that same biology.

1:20:55 Adam Right.

1:20:55 Drew The one that got them the motorcycle in the first place, motorcycle accident.

1:20:58 Adam Right, the reason they lost their arm. Yeah, that's it. So, get the computer right and then go conquer the world.

1:21:04 Drew Yeah, you're right.

1:21:05 Adam Thank you.

1:21:06 Drew Here's the thing, I'm going to go one step further with this, is that the process, and this is what people freeze to be black, is an interpersonal process.

1:21:14 Adam Therapy.

1:21:14 Drew Yeah, it's about what makes us different than a computer, in other words, why isn't a computer an intelligent being? Why doesn't it have a soul? It's that part that gets worked out, it's that part that makes us uniquely human that gets worked out in therapy, which makes the computer work properly, by the way. He makes the computer useful. Right?

1:21:38 Adam Hey, Chris. Yeah, you're over at junior college, so don't think computer, think chicken playing tic-tac-toe. When you picture what's in the brain, what's in the skull of the people you're working with, picture that chicken at the county fair that beats you at tic-tac-toe, in a form of a crude computer. Yes, but when you're looking at people's thought bubble, don't picture computer. Picture that chicken.

1:22:03 Drew Got it.

1:22:04 Adam I don't want him to get pumped up. You know what I mean?

1:22:07 Drew Yeah, I'm not sure he knows what you're talking about.

1:22:08 Adam You've never heard of the chicken that plays tic-tac-toe? Sure.

1:22:13 Drew No, I see.

1:22:13 Adam Ironically, his chicken right now is going, no.

1:22:19 Drew Never learned that.

1:22:20 Adam The chicken in Chris's skull scratches the foot once, that's no. No, you haven't heard of me. Let's move on. All right, let's move on. Let's keep it going.

1:22:29 Drew Take it down.

1:22:30 Adam We got to get it on. Let's get it on, buddy. All right, Michelle? You're 18? What's up?

1:22:40 Caller Okay, I recently broke up with, well, not really my boyfriend because he didn't want to be considered my boyfriend, but he was 25 and he was my first. Now, I, okay, I think I'm still very available for him and the relationship is pretty much a booty call type deal. And he really doesn't talk to me much more and I always try to contact him and I'm just wondering why. I mean.

1:23:09 Adam I'm hanging up or putting her on hold A because her phone line is banned, B because this is all we've talked about tonight. Like, forget it. He ain't interested. It's a booty call. Friends with benefits walk away.

1:23:20 Drew He just realized that even though you have all these crazy intense feelings, he has none. Zero. And it's hard to get that through your head when you're feeling the way you feel.

1:23:26 Adam All right.

1:23:27 Drew He has none. All right.

1:23:29 Adam Phone screener Brian. If I get another one of these dizzy chicks wanting to know why the unrequited love from the older male who just wants to have sex with me and how come he doesn't share the same feelings I do, I'm going to shove my wallet in my mouth and choke myself. See this wallet, Drew? I'll do it.

1:23:44 Drew Oh, what is that thing? You think my wallet is gay.

1:23:47 Adam It's a shiny wallet. You know why? Yes. Come on, Wiseacre. No more of these scooby calls. Well, look at that black American Express car. I want some big jug calls. Look at that, Drew.

1:23:57 Drew Crazy.

1:23:58 Adam Yeah. That's black, buddy. Should we take a break? All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:24:05 Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:24:11 Adam Guess how many terrific sense acts, deodorant, body spray comes in?

1:24:15 Drew I bet six.

1:24:16 Adam No, it's more. No, more.

1:24:19 Drew Nine.

1:24:19 Adam No, seven. I think I screwed that up. Anyway, seven's a nut, right?

1:24:23 Drew Seven's great.

1:24:24 Adam Yeah. Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. I'm going to get back to the phones and play a little something called Germany or Florida. Yeah. There's a theme song that accompanies that, but the engineer Anderson has been here two of the last two months of the show. That's right. Engineer Dave does not have that tape accessible. John?

1:25:13 Caller Yes, I'm here.

1:25:14 Adam You're 24?

1:25:15 Caller You got it.

1:25:16 Adam Time to play Germany or Florida. Go ahead.

1:25:18 Caller Hey, first I wanted to say I think you guys are great. Dr. Drew, you're a real mensch, and Adam, you've got a lot of seho.

1:25:26 Adam Thank you.

1:25:27 Caller Yeah. Hey, would you like some Yiddish curses?

1:25:29 Adam Yeah, I would. Hold on a second. Hold on. Engineer Chris, I'm going to fire up that chicken that plays tic-tac-toe. Do you know what mensch means?

1:25:41 Drew No.

1:25:41 Adam Uh-uh.

1:25:42 Drew Here's the thing.

1:25:44 Adam What about uber-mensch? What about, let me tell you something, John, you can help me out here. Here, a lot of YID talk, as Drew will call it, a lot of the stuff sounds bad and it's good, like mensch. When you call someone a mensch, it sounds like he's a leech, he's a pariah. This guy's a mensch. He's a mensch to society. But mensch is a good thing. And then oftentimes, there's bad things that are actually good. See, the Jews whack that whole thing out. Now, let's try to figure out a couple of the things in Yiddish. Is this is Yiddish? Yeah. That are good, that sound bad. All right, mensch is at the top of the list. There's three of them that sound like crap and they're actually good.

1:26:35 Caller Yeah, well, they sound good to me though.

1:26:38 Drew So he's been so used to hearing them as good.

1:26:41 Adam Mensch, well, first off, nothing in that language, nothing's graceful or pretty. It's about as good as the-

1:26:47 Caller Wait till you get to the curses. They're pretty great.

1:26:49 Drew All right, give us one, come on.

1:26:50 Adam Give me some.

1:26:51 Caller Okay, the first one is, bis hundertundzwanzig, kun alle däne zäne solle röisfall noch einher, und in der Zahn zaste krieg in a Zahn wehtoch.

1:27:01 Adam Now what does that mean?

1:27:02 Drew Toch and einher.

1:27:03 Adam Yeah, so that's an ass and anus.

1:27:07 Caller It's not tuchus. It's a pain. Well, it starts off by saying you should live to be 120, which is the usual long life greeting on someone's birthday. So the full saying, actually this is the fuller version, Adam, of one of the curses you love to say. So it goes you should live to be 120 and all of your teeth should fall out except for one and in that one you should get a toothache.

1:27:32 Adam Yeah, you should get, I love that kind of you should. I like how your head should grow in the ground like an onion.

1:27:40 Caller Yeah, that's the standard. Oh, and it's...

1:27:49 Adam Yeah, give us a couple other good ones in English.

1:27:53 Caller In English, okay. Yeah. You should be like a lamp, hang all day, burn all night and extinguish in the morning.

1:28:01 Adam Nice.

1:28:02 Caller Yeah, I'm trying to be clever.

1:28:05 Drew Give us a good one, another one.

1:28:06 Adam One more.

1:28:07 Caller Oh, I'm out. That's all for curses I've got.

1:28:09 Drew Isn't there one about your teeth fly out and hair growing in?

1:28:12 Adam Well, he did that one.

1:28:13 Drew No, he said he did.

1:28:13 Adam Almost did.

1:28:14 Caller Of the first one.

1:28:16 Adam All right, John, give us the Germany or Florida.

1:28:18 Caller Okay. Let's see.

1:28:20 Drew Let me just stop for one second. Adam, the one thing you missed about the Yiddish humor is that it's humor and then the curse.

1:28:27 Caller Right.

1:28:27 Drew It's like, yeah, your teeth should fall out and hair should grow in where it was.

1:28:30 Caller It's all the distant turns that make it clever.

1:28:33 Adam Yeah. All right.

1:28:35 Caller Okay, Germany and Florida.

1:28:36 Drew Yeah.

1:28:37 Caller Let's see, authorities say a man was shot while trying to shoot seven puppies and he was shot by one of the dogs. The man was holding two of the shepherd mix's puppies when one of them wiggled and pulled its paw on the trigger of the man's gun, making it discharge.

1:28:58 Adam Well, you hear shepherd mix in the wonder, but of course-

1:29:01 Drew Shooting puppies sounds kind of-

1:29:04 Adam That sounds Floridian to me. On the other hand, it's, you know, I'm going to Florida, we're going to Florida, John.

1:29:15 Caller You guys once again are on the money, Pensacola, Florida.

1:29:18 Adam Thank you very much.

1:29:20 Caller My pleasure.

1:29:21 Adam Thanks for calling, John. You know, it's no wonder God is punishing Florida with all these hurricanes, by the way. And Drew, we are, we got to be, we got to be 10 for our last 12, easy, on the German Air, Florida.

1:29:34 Drew Yeah, we've been doing really well.

1:29:36 Adam Yeah, and, you know, I hate to blow, I hate to blow smoke up my own, but these have been sort of, it could go either way. It's got a German Shepherd, puppies, he's shooting them with a gun.

1:29:48 Drew Yeah, didn't give us a lot of color.

1:29:51 Adam Yeah, no later hose in, worked in, or taking out to an orange orchard, anything that would connote either place. Yeah? You going three?

1:30:05 Drew Let's try it.

1:30:06 Adam All right. Caller? Didn't I hit that, Drew? What are you doing? Try six then. All right, let's go six. Liliana?

1:30:15 Caller Yeah.

1:30:16 Adam You're 21? What's up?

1:30:19 Caller My question is, I don't want to have sex, but I can't say no.

1:30:27 Adam With who? Anybody? You don't have a boyfriend?

1:30:32 Caller Yeah, I have a boyfriend. Well, he's kind of my boyfriend.

1:30:36 Drew And you have sex with other people?

1:30:38 Caller Well, we're not together, yeah, because we break up off and on all the time.

1:30:44 Adam And he knows you're having sex with these other people?

1:30:46 Caller Yeah.

1:30:47 Adam And he gets back together with you?

1:30:49 Caller Yeah, because I'm honest with him. I don't lie about it.

1:30:53 Adam Oh, I see. Well, you're honest.

1:30:54 Drew Yeah. So that makes it good.

1:30:56 Caller It's my background that really messes me up, I think.

1:30:59 Drew What's the background?

1:31:00 Caller Well, I've been raped three times by different people.

1:31:04 Drew Yeah. Well, here's the deal. You notice how different Liliana is than, say, that last caller we had who was wanting to have sex all the time. Liliana is saying, it keeps happening, but I don't want to do this. I keep getting in situations where it's brought on and I freeze, and then it happens to me and I can't find my way out.

1:31:22 Caller Yeah.

1:31:23 Drew So that's, and she's, lo and behold, been raped three times, and I bet the first time was when she was like six.

1:31:28 Adam I'm going eight. Oh, right in between. Who raped you when you were seven?

1:31:35 Caller I don't remember, but they caught him, like him.

1:31:38 Adam Oh, really?

1:31:38 Caller I had to go to court for it, and he just admitted doing it, but he said I wanted it.

1:31:44 Drew Oh, six, oh my God. I hope they just shot the guy right there in the spot.

1:31:49 Caller And then the second time, it was from seven to 15 by my older brother.

1:31:55 Adam Older biological brother, huh?

1:31:57 Caller Yeah.

1:31:58 Drew All right, so you have an intense.

1:32:00 Adam Full brother, same parents, same mom and dad?

1:32:03 Caller Same mom, different dad.

1:32:05 Adam Yeah. Why do we show that, by the way? Not that it makes a huge difference.

1:32:12 Caller And the last time was on New Year's of 2000.

1:32:15 Adam All right. People have different ways of bringing in the New Year.

1:32:19 Drew You're going to find yourself attracted to and in situations where you are victimized all the time. And you're not going to be able to come to your own defense once you're in those situations. You've got to take care of this. You need treatment, okay?

1:32:30 Adam All right.

1:32:31 Drew Let's go quickly.

1:32:32 Adam Vanessa. You're 25. What's happening, drunk girl?

1:32:42 Caller I'm not drunk. I wanted to make a comment about the girl that called in earlier about her cheating on her boyfriend when she was on vacation. I think I was right that you bagged on her for being, oh, girl, she's such a saint. Well, at least she told her boyfriend what had happened. And then you said something to the fact that it's okay for guys to cheat, but it's not No, no, no, no, Vanessa.

1:33:12 Drew We didn't say anything of the kind.

1:33:14 Adam No. I said when women cheat, it's usually payback for something that the guy is doing or isn't doing or it's a way to break up with the person because women don't have as strong a mandate biologically.

1:33:31 Drew Guys cheat because of the mandate, but in either case...

1:33:33 Adam Especially a 21-year-old guy out somewhere on spring vacation, he's going to do something, he's going to shut up when he gets home.

1:33:38 Drew But in either case, it's a horrible thing to do and you're not being an honest person when you come home or exonerated from what you've done. You should be honest that you've done something destructive and end the relationship immediately or end it before you get in that situation where you're acting like that. You're not somehow...

1:33:55 Adam We put way too big an emphasis on honesty and there's way too much applauding going on for people to do that.

1:34:03 Drew No, no. Honesty excuses whatever you've done.

1:34:08 Adam It's not even that. It's... Yeah, I mean it is. It somehow lightens the burden like, look, what they did was wrong, but they were man enough to... Yeah, most of the time it's because they got caught or for any reason other than altruistic reasons, but go ahead, Vanessa.

1:34:25 Caller Well, no, I totally agree with what you're saying there. I just didn't know what...

1:34:31 Drew What we said.

1:34:31 Caller by saying that it was more of, okay, well...

1:34:35 Adam All right.

1:34:36 Drew We didn't say the things you thought we said.

1:34:38 Adam Have another wine cooler and relax. We're going to take a break. We'll be right back.

1:34:42 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me, so what's up? So I was like you and I used to think that these datelines were totally cheesy.

1:34:48 Drew Why can't I meet anybody?

1:34:49 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell? So I called the dateline and actually met a cool guy.

1:34:53 Caller I called the dateline and I hooked up with some cool people.

1:34:55 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:34:57 Drew 877-889-DATE.

1:35:00 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:35:05 Caller This hour brought to you in part by Axe. Experience the Axe Effect.

1:35:30 Adam Well, that's the show, kiddies. Thanks for tuning in. We will be back tomorrow night. Same time, same bat station. Face to face in here tomorrow night. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:35:45 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:35:49 Adam The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, September 12, 2004