Episode 1000644314246

1:07 Adam Hopefully neither one of us are here because it's the Best Of. And we're all winners when we do the Best Of. We get to stay home. For me, I get to stare at the TiVo and get drunk.

1:19 For Drew, he gets to follow his kids around and live his life vicariously through the eyes of three young, beautiful triplets.

1:27 Adam So, and you guys get the Best Of Loveline. So, without any further ado, here it is.

1:33 The Best Of Loveline.

1:42 Adam ~~~ Guimes ~~~ That's Dr. Drew trying to get my drawstring through my sweatpants.

1:48 Drew What are you doing there?

1:49 Adam It's going to take a while. It's slow going.

1:54 Drew You got to get the hanger out and push it through.

1:56 Adam Oh, I thought you did it with a safety pin or something.

1:58 Drew A hair.

1:59 Adam But can't you inch it a little bit at a time?

2:01 Drew Yeah, I think you got three weeks.

2:03 Adam And I'm going to work on this. So forgive me, I'm going to be distracted for the next show and a half while I attempt to get my drawstring through my sweatpants here. All right, Drew, let's go now. We're at the halfway point. Let's break it down. Let's get a hand in. Break it down. Come on, gather around now. Grab a knee. Your helmet's not a chair, gentlemen. Brian. Oh yeah. Phone screener Brian does a little JV football coaching. He knows how to break it down. All right, let's go. Let's get started now. No, it's not a chair. The helmet is not a chair, gentlemen. They use that term loosely. Come on, ladies. That's right.

2:48 Drew I don't think people are hearing that.

2:50 Adam Oh, people are not hearing that. Brian reminds me that if the helmet hits the ground, your head better be in it because it's not a chair. And by the way, that chair, not a helmet. No one ever tells you that. It's not like you're sitting around in science class and the teacher's like, hey, son, that chair.

3:11 Drew Not a helmet.

3:12 Adam It's not a helmet.

3:12 Drew Nope.

3:13 Adam No, I mean, if they're, you know, it only stands to reason. If they're going to tell you that the helmet's not a chair. All right, let's go. Let's talk to Lynn. Yeah, what's going on?

3:25 Break it down now.

3:26 Drew Let's go. So what happened? You had a young child. How old was the child?

3:33 24 months now.

3:36 Let's go.

3:37 Drew How old was she when she was sick?

3:39 She was nine months.

3:40 Drew And what was the problem?

3:40 Nine months, beginning of life.

3:43 Hospitalized for MRI pneumonia, intubated.

3:51 Drew She had Versed in what?

3:52 Adam She was given some drugs. She's being intubated now.

3:55 Drew Methadone and Versed? Fentanyl and Versed.

3:58 Adam Fentanyl, nine months age. As many months out as she was in. Let's go now.

4:03 Drew She should be fine. I don't know of any evidence that suggests, in fact, even when babies are exposed to methadone in utero, like when they're still in the uterus, or even opiates, I know of no evidence that they're at a risk of opiate addiction later on.

4:15 Okay, so my question is, is there something we're gonna have to worry about later on in life?

4:19 Drew I mean, it's a reasonable thing that people are trying to study these sorts of things, because one of the things that happens from opiates and benzodiazepines, like Versed, is that addict's brains change in response to these drugs. They change in ways that are permanent.

4:32 Adam Incubator's not a chair, gentlemen. It's kind of a bed with a bubble on it.

4:37 Drew But I don't know any evidence that it changes that early in life after limited periods of exposure, so I think you're all right, okay? And by the way, and by the way, is someone, is you or your husband an addict or alcoholic?

4:49 No.

4:49 Drew Okay, so you have to have the gene.

4:52 Well, there's genetic history, but I think we'll be.

4:56 Drew Who's got the history?

4:57 Family members have been alcoholics.

5:02 Adam That's a junkie. All right now.

5:05 Drew And you're not an alcoholic? If you don't have the gene, you can't pass.

5:08 Yeah. All right, all right.

5:11 Adam Break it down. Get a hand in. Hey, Drew. Why would they give the kid the methadone?

5:19 Drew They didn't, fentanyl.

5:21 Adam Fentanyl.

5:21 Drew It's a synthetic opiate.

5:23 Adam What for?

5:24 Drew For the pain of being intubated.

5:26 Adam Now is that what they put the tube down your nose?

5:28 Drew Yeah, or in your mouth.

5:29 Adam In your lung?

5:30 Drew Yeah.

5:30 Adam Try to get the water out of there?

5:32 Try to get the fluid out of your lung?

5:33 Drew No, no, breathe. That's a mechanical, you know, respirator.

5:36 Adam It's painful.

5:37 Drew It's breathing on behalf. If the child can't, well they'll be dead without a respirator. It supports their breathing.

5:42 Adam Yeah, plain God. So.

5:45 Drew It puts you asleep, basically.

5:47 Adam No, this kid had pneumonia.

5:49 Drew MRSA, methicillin-resistant staph aureus. Bad times.

5:52 Adam Real doctor, just a love doctor.

5:54 All right, good orgasm with all 75 previous partners.

6:01 75.

6:02 And?

6:03 Drew Yes. Uncle Frank, 500 women.

6:06 Adam So he says.

6:07 500.

6:07 I think it's more than 600.

6:09 Drew 600.

6:10 Adam And? You're 25? What's up, baby doll?

6:16 Caller Well, I'm having a problem with my current relationship. I've been with this guy for three months and I absolutely love him. I think he's the most wonderful thing in the world.

6:29 And I'm having a problem.

6:33 Caller Everything is great except for our sex life. I've had more than my fair share, I should say, of sexual partners.

6:47 Adam 75, it says here.

6:48 Caller Oh my goodness, yeah, yeah, well, they already told you that.

6:54 Drew Were you sexually addicted or compulsive or something?

6:57 Caller Yeah, I was in therapy for a while for sexual addiction.

7:04 Drew I were to put the puzzle together here, okay? One of the things that starts to happen when people are sexually compulsive is that they, particularly women in my experience, will have a piece of themselves sort of split off, a piece of themselves, they feel sort of bad and sort of dirty. And they can only experience that part of themselves when they're with bad guys in these sort of sexual encounters. And they can function well sexually in those circumstances, but when they're with a good guy, they feel split off from that bad self and are ambivalent and can't really function sexually. They can't be sexual with a good guy. Is that sort of how you're feeling?

7:41 Caller I mean, the men that I've been with in the past, I mean, my father was just astounded that he didn't have any tattoos or piercings or anything.

7:51 Drew So he's not a bad guy. The bad guy is the one you can...

7:53 No, no, he's absolutely not.

7:55 Drew You've got to withhold, you've got to withhold from a good guy. And then you'll eventually start feeling resentful because that bad self won't have a chance to emerge. So you have to find a way to integrate these things and experience the total and with this person. And it also suggests some pretty heavy trauma growing up.

8:14 Caller I mean, I've, I kind of already knew that. When I was young, my dad left and didn't, pretty much didn't know how to be a father or no, or didn't want to be a father basically. But my mom married a man who, who had his own idea of perfection.

8:38 Drew How does that mean?

8:41 Caller Meaning sort of that my mom is very beautiful, as is my sister and myself. We're all very attractive family and, and he was very concerned with sort of having the trophy wife and the trophy daughters. And about a year ago, he decided that he didn't, he told me, he sat my mom down and said, I love you, but I don't want to be married anymore. It went out and got himself a 30 year old girlfriend. Mind you, I'm 25. My sister's 27. And, and sort of has now become this executive playboy, if you will.

9:21 Drew That's not about, yeah, that is nothing with perfection. That is the fact that he does not have relationships with women. They are merely objects for him to sort of act out upon. Yes, he's narcissistic for sure.

9:38 Best Of For sure.

9:40 Drew For sure he's narcissistic.

9:41 Adam Let me get the current story about stepdad running off with his secretary when she's 25. She's already been through 75 Patsy's at this point. We want to know something about when she was nine, but.

9:57 Drew It's just all there.

9:59 Adam Get some therapy.

10:00 Drew She's doing that.

10:01 Adam And stick it out with this guy.

10:02 Drew And understand that that bad self needs to be integrated. You need to present the bad self to your present partner. He will accept it. He'll be fine with it. That bad part of her that feels bad and dirty, she needs to share with her new partner. He'll love it. He'll be fine with it.

10:16 Adam To the tune of 75 guys?

10:18 Drew Not the history, but that part of herself.

10:21 Adam Okay, but.

10:22 Drew The history not necessarily.

10:24 Adam But you're just one more skin of the onion away from the 75 dudes.

10:31 Drew No, no.

10:31 Adam Why don't we start?

10:33 Drew No, no, just that self needs to emerge. It's good.

10:36 Adam It's good.

10:37 Drew It's the self that orgasms. The guy will be happy.

10:39 Adam Does the guy know about all the other guys?

10:41 Caller No, I don't think that's something that he would want to or should know.

10:45 Drew Fine, that's fine.

10:46 Adam That's good. Good, you always lie about that.

10:48 Drew Don't lie, but maybe a little bit of a mystery.

10:51 Caller What do I do about our current sex life though? I mean, when we were together, he would last longer and now he doesn't. And he used to perform oral sex more often and now he just wants to have sex. And I don't really know sort of how to.

11:06 Adam He's just sliding into his comfort zone.

11:08 Drew No, I think it's also his head spinning. He doesn't know what to think here. He's all over the place. Look, and work hard in your therapy. Think about that part of yourself that you feel is dirty and will be rejected by him. Presenting that to him. Present that to him and see what happens. He'll be fine. So it's his problem. He's like, I've got oral sex, something happens. I have sex. Let's just have sex. You know what I mean? He can't seem to get his groove here.

11:37 Best Of I don't, we just, actually, we just talked to him.

11:40 Drew Six is good.

11:40 Best Of Six?

11:42 Adam James?

11:44 Hello?

11:44 Adam You're 18?

11:46 Caller Yes, I am.

11:47 Best Of All right.

11:47 Adam What's up?

11:48 Caller Well, basically my girlfriend and I, I have two other roommates, and whenever she and I have sex, we like them to watch, or we like somebody to watch. And we generally only have sex if there's somebody watching.

12:03 Best Of Mm-hmm.

12:04 Adam And whose idea was this initially?

12:07 Caller Initially it was my idea because my ex and I sort of like to do it in public places where people could see, and I've kind of always wanted to do it where people did see.

12:18 Adam Yeah, well now, hold on a second. What, first off, when you say see, you mean just sitting on the sofa with their legs crossed or do you want them sort of peeking around the corner?

12:29 Caller No, basically just sitting like on a chair or anything where we're at the display and they're watching.

12:35 Adam Are they allowed to talk?

12:37 Caller Um, no, generally we just, I'd like them to sit there and shut up basically.

12:41 Adam Because my thing would be like, come on, get a dork in, let's go now, break it down.

12:46 Caller I don't know, that might kill me.

12:49 Best Of Her face is not a chair, gentlemen.

12:53 Adam Yeah, so what's the question?

12:55 Caller Well, I was wondering why, like that's the only time we ever really have sex is when someone's watching. Otherwise it's kind of, you know, boring or just dumb.

13:05 Adam Your girlfriend is okay with this by the way?

13:07 Caller Oh yeah, she's really okay with it. She's actually pretty cool about it.

13:10 Drew Well, here's what it means to me. And again, this can mean a lot of different things, but more often than not, this means that you need high levels of arousal in order to feel sexual. So, opiate addicts, or marijuana addicts even sometimes, when they're off their drug but not in recovery, will do this kind of thing. Physical abuse survivors will do this kind of thing because the arousal standards get kind of burned out. They get sort of diminished by physical abuse and by drugs. And so in order to feel the arousal, you have to have to create these extra situations. And so it's one of those two things.

13:46 Adam Yeah, I don't know, you know, to me, I had roommates who got laid every once in a while.

13:51 Drew Yeah, you'd be the watching one. Yeah, yeah.

13:53 Adam But, you know.

13:55 Drew Would you pee on them?

13:58 Adam You know, only if they didn't perform up to my level.

14:01 Drew And by the way, people who haven't been listening for an hour would wonder where that came from.

14:06 Adam Yeah, they would. Well, that's why you gotta listen to the whole show. Yeah, I'd hear them going at it in the living room every once in a while and just come down the hole and peek my head around the corner. But I'd be uncomfortable, I think, if they just asked me to sit down and just, you know, take notes. It'd be weird. You know, I don't mind the fly on the wall kind of thing, but when you just, you know, hunker down in between the two of them, they're going at it.

14:31 Drew Well, the hunker would be the critical problem in all this, wouldn't it?

14:39 Adam I had a roommate that got a lot of action, you know? What am I going to do? It was one bedroom apartment, you know, 20 years old. We had the Murphy bed where the, it was a sofa that folded out. And by the way, let me say this to anyone who manufactures sofas that fold out into beds because I happened to purchase one a few years back and the only problem with it is the giant steel arched bar that goes through the center of it. That, it's not enough that it just technically folds out in a bed, you have to be able to sleep on the goddamn thing. I mean, some of those fold out sofas, really it's like pieces of metal and stuff that are going through, going through the thing. Plus the sofa's weighs like, weighs as much as like iron side.

15:28 Drew And the mattress is always the size of a wafer.

15:31 Adam Like someone put a tortilla on a bear trap and told you to go to bed. But anyway, the one at my house is comical because it literally has a bowed bar that just goes down the center of the thing with the tortilla thickness mattress over the top. But anyway, yeah, what you end up doing is just pull the mattress, put it on the floor and then OK. But but it took you 45 minutes to unfold the thing. Here's what I'm saying. One of the legs on the fold out sofa that fold down those two legs sort of fold out, go down. Yes, it didn't sit right.

16:05 Drew It was like always, always a good set.

16:07 Adam Yeah. So this guy get a little head of steam going. It was like somebody was taking a mop handle and banging it on the floor.

16:13 Drew They wake you up, let you know it's time.

16:14 Adam The guy underneath us, Al. He always knew what was happening in there. He anyway, he we so, you know, you'd hear that. It's a dinner bell was ringing. Me and the wheeze head out in the hall, see what was going on. Sure. Why not? Remember one time old Al who lived beneath us. It was just one of these creepy, weird dudes that you seem to run into when you're young. And now if you saw him, you just go to the other side of the street. But you're stuck with the weird guy with the weird dog and the windbreaker, sat out there with the beer koozie and the Coors watering the lawn every day. And I like the guy, by the way, who has the 50 cent Coors foam beer koozie that he's had for 22 years. I mean, you could see the guy's fingerprints carved out of the sink. You could barely read what kind of beer it was. It was like a 50 cent item that he ain't parting with. That's a class move. Yeah, this guy, weird dude, weird dude. Anyway, he once showed up one day at the door with a box filled with dildos and butt plugs and crazy stuff. I mean, big novelty stuff with cranks on it, big spade butt shaped butt plugs and a big box is a bounty of butt plugs. And we're like, what's up, Al? And he's like, yeah, neighbor from down the hole moved out and turned out it left all this stuff behind. So I thought you kids might. Yeah. And he's also one of these dudes, too, who would always do this one. Hey, listen, you got a lot of girls, a lot of pretty young girls going up to the apartment. Send one down my way. I was like that one. Send one down. Yeah. Like some super smoking hot 19 year old from Encino. Hey, Tammy. Yeah, I know our 62 year old chain smoking weirdo underneath us just wearing the pomade with. Yeah. Yeah. The blue windbreaker and the mangy dog. That should go down there and F him. Yeah. I told him I'd send you down. Give him some oral, maybe. Weirdo, dude. What's everyone a weirdo for? Kept the hose. He was the manager. He got to be managed, you know, so he probably had his rent cut in half, but he policed the place, you know, and he would just sit around with his skipper and his dog, his dog skipper, and he had his prized possession was the 100 foot hose on the PVC rack that rolled up. You know, he kept that inside of his house, kept it. I want to borrow it one day to hose off the porch. You wouldn't lend it to me. I've been living above the guy for three years like, no, I'll do it.

18:58 Caller Well, it's just go ahead and I'll take it.

19:03 Adam I don't think so. One day, Skipper died.

19:08 Drew His dog died.

19:09 Adam Oh, yeah. And Al had to have a little heart to heart with me. Oh, yeah.

19:14 Drew About Skipper?

19:15 Adam About Skipper.

19:15 Drew Did you kill him?

19:17 Adam I didn't kill Skipper. I want to kill myself ten minutes into Al's, you know, beer fueled. The guy doesn't talk to you for three years and then he's got to open up. I should I should borrow that kind of kill myself.

19:33 Drew You should. That long time ago.

19:34 Adam Weirdo. Oh, my God. He's carrying tucked into his pants all the time. Yeah. So is his patrolling. He'd show it to me. It's really weird, old, weird loner dudes, you know, and his son used to come over and his son like more the windbreaker and had the same glasses like an SNL sketch. You know, like the junior version of him. Yeah. Maureen. I'm having a flashback. Maureen. You're twenty one.

20:04 Caller Yeah.

20:04 Adam What's up?

20:06 Caller Well, you know, in the morning I wake up, I say hi to my husband and my kids and stuff. And all throughout the day I give him subtle hints that, you know, I want to make love to him that night and then, you know, all throughout the day. And then all of a sudden at nine o'clock he's out.

20:26 Drew Is he getting up early in the morning? Is he getting up very early in the morning?

20:30 Caller I do, but he doesn't.

20:31 Adam What time does he get up?

20:35 Drew What time does he get up?

20:37 Caller Seven, seven thirty, sometimes eight o'clock.

20:39 Drew So why is he so tired at nine?

20:42 Caller I don't know.

20:42 Drew No reason. He's not getting drunk or something.

20:45 Adam Hold on. Hold on. Newsflash seven, seven thirty. That's getting up in the morning, by the way. Yeah. I mean, you may not be milking, milking the cows at sunrise, but getting up at seven, seven thirty is I don't consider that's not really sleeping in, is it?

21:02 Drew No, but but it's also not, you know, you still could hang out till ten, eleven o'clock at night.

21:06 Adam Yeah.

21:07 Drew And if I took four naps, Maureen.

21:10 Adam Yeah. So what's wrong with you? You're twenty one. You're calling from Bakersfield. There's got there's trouble.

21:16 Caller There's he's a radio DJ.

21:19 Adam How old's your husband?

21:20 Caller That had to be asked. Forty two.

21:23 Adam Forty two. He was twice your age. And how often does he want sex?

21:29 Caller The thing is, he never asked me.

21:31 Drew Well, because you're always Adam about it. But how often do you think he'd want it? Oh, well, that gives me a very clear answer.

21:41 Adam Maureen just sounds like albino trash, just super white trash. Here's the thing, too, by the way, husbands and wives. One person becomes the chicken and the other becomes the chicken hawk. And that's just how it is. Don't expect the chicken to ask the chicken just sort of on the run from the chicken hawk. It's a strange thing.

22:04 Drew But this is because this is what happened because the one is always good to go. And the other one is stepping up beyond their comfort zone to try to meet up with the chicken hawk.

22:15 Adam But even even that, even just sort of emotionally, psychologically or or or or dynamically, it's just one person becomes the person that wants sex and the other person is the person that sort of puts them off. And then they both get into the role. And the person that wants sex probably wants sex more than they normally would have wanted sex because they're sort of that's the role. And the person that's sort of not wanting sex at a certain point is is turning them away and they don't even know why. It's just like, oh, here you come again. So it's almost they take that role. And I think certainly when the woman becomes the aggressor, this is one thing that happens. I think it happens with women too. So this guy's probably plus he's 42 could be starting to slow it down a little. A man of Drew's exquisite passion couldn't understand that. But at age 42, he's whining in a little, whining it up. And Maureen sounds nutty. Maureen.

23:11 Drew He's not drinking at night and going to bed drunk or something like that? And why don't you go to bed with him since you know he's going to go to bed around nine o'clock. Why don't you get the kids in bed early and plan for that?

23:23 Caller Because I have a lot of work to do after the kids go to bed.

23:27 Drew Yeah.

23:27 Adam How many kids do you have?

23:28 Caller Two.

23:29 Drew Why don't you plan for him going to bed early? You plan with him. You get up extra early and do your work in the morning.

23:38 Adam I'd hate to just go do whatever you want.

23:41 Caller Just don't look comfortable. It sounds impossible because I have a very strange life.

23:47 Adam What's your life?

23:50 Caller I wake up at about 4.30, 5 o'clock in the morning.

23:54 Drew Why?

23:54 Caller Because if the kids are asleep, I can clean the house and get things done. If they're not.

24:00 Drew I thought you had to get stuff done at night.

24:03 Caller Well, that's the thing. After the kids go to sleep, that's when I try to get my work done. But if it's not done then, I have to get up early.

24:10 Drew Why don't you not do it at night and do it in the morning?

24:12 Adam Listen, idiot. You just said you got up at 4.30. It's the only time you could get your stuff done. And then you just went ahead and said, well, you got to get the kids to bed because the only time you can get anything done is at night. So which is it?

24:25 Caller It depends on how early they wake up because, let's see, one is only a year old and he wakes up about, well, 5 o'clock.

24:33 Adam And how much cleaning you got to do? Because I'm picturing more than 1400 square feet.

24:40 Caller It's smaller than that and we have a lot of stuff.

24:43 Best Of Yeah.

24:44 Adam Hold on a second.

24:45 Caller The thing is, I'm very disorganized so I'm having a real hard time getting organized because every second I got to take care of the kids or something's going on.

24:54 Drew And you also sound depressed.

24:55 Best Of Yeah.

24:55 Adam You really sound depressed.

24:56 Drew So you're depressed, you're overwhelmed.

24:58 Caller Oh, I'm very depressed. I haven't, yeah. I haven't had sex in several months.

25:01 Drew No, it's not about the sex. It's not about the sex.

25:05 Caller Oh, I'm sure you get that. It's not about that.

25:09 Drew What?

25:10 Caller I, I, I now know that you get that. I am depressed.

25:15 Adam I don't know. Well, look, Maureen, how about, can you get some therapy or something?

25:18 Drew I can treat your depression, treat it.

25:20 Adam Yeah, because you don't want, you don't want, the kids don't want to be around depressed around me.

25:23 Drew Yeah, that will affect your kids, you being depressed and angry all the while.

25:26 Caller I know, but I can't afford therapy.

25:28 Drew No, not therapy. How about some, you may, you may be a medication candidate. You may need something pretty simple here.

25:33 Adam What's your husband do?

25:36 Caller Well, mostly nothing. I mean, he does little things here and there.

25:41 Caller I don't know what to say.

25:42 Adam Look, all of you idiots, stop cranking out kids with old guys and...

25:47 Drew Mostly nothing. Who supports the family?

25:50 Best Of He's got to get up, I don't know.

25:54 Adam Listen. People are like, they're almost held bent on their life not working out. We got to take a break. But OK. Look, what? I don't know what to do. Then do nothing. Do nothing. All right. I'm going to yell it more. We got to get back.

26:23 Caller Law enforcement is cracking down from coast to coast. No matter where you are, if you drive under the influence, you will be arrested. You drink and drive, you lose.

26:49 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Well, 10 hours and 40 minutes from Los Angeles to De Gaulle in France, and 3,600 miles from New York to Paris, and 2,400 from LA to New York. Seems short, but I buy it. All right, now we settled that.

27:18 Best Of Oh, wait, let's double check it.

27:23 Adam Ah, Kelly works for American Airlines, knows exactly the mileage. Kelly?

27:30 Hi.

27:31 Adam What's happening, Parkey?

27:34 Now, I just got off work.

27:36 Adam Uh-huh, and what do you do for American Airlines?

27:39 Caller I work for reservations.

27:41 Adam Uh-huh, all right, so you know the mileage from Los Angeles to Paris?

27:48 Caller Yeah, I just called to double check it for you.

27:52 Caller Do you want the exact amount?

27:54 Best Of Yeah.

27:56 3,452.

27:58 Best Of Three, four, five, two, which is not from Los Angeles to Paris. To Paris.

28:09 I looked at the wrong thing, I'm sorry.

28:11 Adam That's all right, that's from JFK to Paris. And then what about Los Angeles to JFK? Do you know what that number is?

28:19 Caller I don't know the exact number. I think that's...

28:21 Adam All right. All right. No help. Other than we did, we did shave almost 200 miles off of that one. Then that's actually making a little more sense. Back to the phones we go. I'll speak to Parker, who's 23. Parker? What's up?

28:44 Caller I've got a six-year-old girlfriend that starting to have a little stronger feelings for me than I'm having for her.

28:57 Drew How long have you been dating her?

28:59 Caller A little over a month.

29:02 Drew Maybe it's time to call it quits. Back on out.

29:08 Caller She's a good girl. I like hanging out with her.

29:11 Drew Then why are you calling?

29:13 Adam By the way, I can't believe she got to be some kind of desperate to be into Parker. He must be some good-looking guy.

29:25 Drew It's funny how when you just have the voice, you don't get encumbered by any of that stuff.

29:28 Caller Yeah.

29:29 Caller Oh, my God. She sounds like a 10-watt bulb.

29:32 Drew Parker.

29:33 Caller Yes.

29:35 Adam It says here she has a son. She has a daughter and she's 36 and you're 23.

29:45 Drew And she's moving in.

29:46 Adam Is that a deal breaker for you, the age difference?

29:50 Caller No, not really. Actually, generally, I've dated people, girls that have been like one or two years different from me.

29:57 Drew Parker, be quiet for one second.

29:59 Caller Yeah.

29:59 Drew I want to listen to the Mockingbird.

30:00 Adam It's kind of a bird sanctuary.

30:01 Caller Hang on.

30:04 Best Of That's nice. The birds.

30:05 Caller Yeah, Austin.

30:07 Best Of It's called from Texas.

30:08 Caller Nice.

30:10 Caller There's some birds there.

30:14 Adam So Parker, I don't understand. She's getting serious. You're not that into her or you are into her?

30:22 Caller Well, I'm not into her. I think that she's kind of developing feelings really fast. I don't know if it's just something I should stay away from because she's getting feelings really fast. I'm not saying that I'm not going to develop those feelings.

30:36 Adam Here's the, it's got a bad line. So I'm putting them on hold, but you can hear us. Here's the thing. To me, 23, 36, 17 year old daughter sounds like, I don't know, I just think when you're a 23 year old guy, you should just be a 23 year old guy.

30:56 Drew Right. He's closer to a peer age of the daughter than the mom. The daughter is six years younger, the mom is 13 years older. Right. This is going to be trouble for mom, no matter what. He's kind of not into it. It's kind of like, you know, sort of exploiting her. She's really getting involved fast and he doesn't really care about that. What are you going to do?

31:14 Adam She's in a position where she's 36. She's probably feeling like the clock is ticking a little in terms of getting married a second time or doing whatever. She's, you know, 40s around the corner. And Parker just seems like he's not that into it. And here's the whole thing. When you're 23, you can dick around with a hot 19 or 20 year old. They're made of silly putty. They bounce right back. They got no problem. They don't have a care in the world, these people. When you got the mom that's been through a couple bad relationships, has got a kid or two and is looking a little long in the tooth, you can't screw around with that.

31:54 Drew And by the way, mom was pregnant by 18, so daughter is right about on course now. And Parker could be the one served up for those purposes.

32:02 Adam You cannot monkey with that woman. That's a long-term thing. That's a permanent thing.

32:08 Drew You're going to be dad of a girl who's great.

32:10 Adam Don't do it.

32:11 Drew You're going to be dad of a...

32:13 Adam Look, if this woman is the woman of your dreams and you're very much in love with her, Mazel Tov.

32:18 Drew That's not what he's saying.

32:20 Adam If you sort of got one foot in and one foot out, I'm telling you, pull the other foot out and get going.

32:25 Drew Time with that.

32:26 Adam Jim?

32:28 Hello?

32:29 Adam You're 24.

32:30 Caller Yes.

32:30 Adam What's up?

32:32 Caller I've been married for about a year and a half, and I said we haven't had sex, but actually I haven't had much sex since we've been married. Our sex life was great before we were married.

32:43 Drew What happened?

32:44 Caller I don't know. I think we just got used to each other too much, or we did everything we possibly could.

32:49 What's that mean?

32:52 Drew Before you got married, you did? Or you tried to in order to try to get things rekindled?

32:57 Caller Right.

32:57 Caller So now it's just really dropped off. To the point now ever since probably January, we haven't had much sex at all.

33:05 Adam Well, listen, Drew is a man of exquisite passion. I barely have a pulse, so I should probably take this one.

33:13 Caller Wait a minute.

33:13 Adam I nodded off. Who are we talking to?

33:16 Drew You've put your hearts down.

33:17 Adam Drew, go give me some volume and quiet down. Let me handle this thing. All right. Who do you think has initiated the no sex zone? Do you think it's you or do you think it's her?

33:28 Caller Her.

33:29 Adam She has.

33:30 Drew That's a bad sign.

33:31 Adam And you're good to go, but she isn't.

33:33 Caller Well, when she started, it kind of made me start, you know, dropping off too.

33:39 Adam Right. You've slowed down. It's like, here's what it's like. It's like when you start starving yourself, your metabolism slows down in order to deal with it. Because if you were just, if it was moving like it was, it would just start, you'd start eating your own bones. Yeah. Which, by the way, if Jim could get to his own bone, he would take the edge off. So she did this. And you don't have any, any. And she was hypersexual before. We both were. Ooh.

34:05 Drew What does that mean?

34:05 Adam Well, you're, well, you say, you say, hold on a second, Drew. You say you both were, but that you would be that way now if she was that way again. You're just going along with it.

34:14 Caller No, we both just kind of fell off. And now I think we're to the point where we're OK not having sex.

34:21 Drew There's a ton here. But you've got to ask the right question.

34:24 Adam I will. But a second ago.

34:25 Drew I know he did. I know.

34:26 Adam He said she's the one that stopped having sex. And he keeps going. We've decided.

34:32 Drew This is.

34:32 Adam I don't really buy the we've decided part.

34:34 Drew No, I don't either. But this is all the earmarks of those bipolar qualities and people are sexually compulsive.

34:40 Caller All right.

34:40 Adam Now, does she have any history of abuse?

34:42 Caller Um, there are some possibilities of when she was younger, her stepfather might have molested her a little bit.

34:49 Drew Just a little bit, though.

34:50 Caller From what I hear.

34:52 Adam Sprinkling of sodomy.

34:54 Caller Well, some of the stories he tells me aren't exactly molestation stories, but they're hearsay. Here and there, he touched me here. He may have touched me there.

35:03 Drew Word on the street.

35:04 Adam Creepy stepdad, to say the least. That's enough. Yeah, that's enough. And by the way, just having. We've talked about this a bunch of times, but the idea of you're getting out of the shower and making your way to the bedroom, creepy stepdad lowers his sports page and is leering at you. Just living under the same roof with that a-hole.

35:25 Drew Crazy.

35:25 Adam Imagine that kind of constant pressure. You're a 12 year old girl. How freaky is that got to be? It's like, I know he's probably not going to try to F me, but I know if I let him, he would feel my boobs. How freaky does that have to be? And by the way, how must it shape your opinion of men?

35:46 Drew That's right.

35:48 Caller All right.

35:48 Adam So how about she gets some counseling and perhaps you do too?

35:53 Drew You have some abuse too, right?

35:56 Caller Not that I can recall, no. OK. I grew up in a pretty good family.

35:59 Adam Well, she has something going on with her. And have you ever been with a guy?

36:06 Caller No, not at all.

36:08 Adam Never? Can she get some therapy? You guys are, you know, newly married. How about you? You're going to work on a little bit. Yeah. And here's the thing, everybody.

36:18 Drew It's not going to get better from here.

36:20 Adam Got to draw a metaphor here. Everything worth having takes a little upkeep and a little maintenance. You want a nice house. You got to get the gardener. You got to paint the place every so often. You got to exterminate the, you know, you got to get rid of the termites. A nice car. You got to put a coat of wax on. You got to change the oil. There's, there's upkeep. Everything worth having in life has a certain upkeep aspect to it.

36:43 Drew It's a commitment.

36:44 Adam A boat. Whatever. Whatever it is you want, boat, car, house, you name your thing. I'm going to, hobby, sport, whatever, there's going to be some work involved with keeping it running right. Whatever. Relationship, no different. If you're lucky, you get a nice reliable, uh, Camry that doesn't really take too much. Even the Camry, you got to drop off over at the Jiffy Lube every once in a while and change the oil and rotate the tire. Okay?

37:12 Best Of Little something.

37:13 Adam 20 or four year old, new relationship or newlywed, put a little in, put a coat of paint on it. Yes?

37:20 Drew With you.

37:22 Adam Let's uh, Sneak's Beer. Who's been on hold the longest, Drew? Mary? Yeah.

37:28 Best Of Let's talk to Mary.

37:29 Adam Mary or 23?

37:36 Drew Mary who's sleeping.

37:36 Best Of Mary who's sleeping.

37:42 Drew Wow. Boy, that's, that is, she needs to, we need to wake her up and get a sleep study done. She needs a CPAP.

37:47 Adam What's a CPAP?

37:48 Drew The thing to make her breathe during the night, just sleep apnea.

37:50 Adam Sounds like a big gap. Sounds hot. I mean, so what will the beast eat her and fell asleep on the sofa? If I was like thinking about robbing the house, I heard that coming from under the front door. I just I'd go to the next town. Like there's a troll or bear or something.

38:16 Drew I fell asleep in there like under the stairs of the monsters.

38:27 Adam By the way, they have all these things, these theft deterrent things, dogs barking and sirens and stuff. How about just the sound of 500 pound biker drunk and knotted off on the sofa? You can picture a guy in a leather-

38:41 Drew If you can really create that sound, yeah.

38:43 Adam Picture a guy in a leather vest with a sawed-off shotgun in his lap and a beer in his hand and he just dozed off. You'd go to the next house, right?

38:51 Drew Yeah, of course.

38:53 Best Of All right, let's check with Mary one more time.

38:58 Adam She's been on hold for 76 minutes. Probably fell asleep about the time I started with Chief Thunderberry.

39:07 Drew Chief Thunderberry, yeah, that would probably be it.

39:10 Best Of She saw him long.

39:11 Adam So you don't hear the ladies snore too often.

39:14 Drew Not with that kind of nice, deep, rich sound.

39:17 Adam Yeah, it doesn't suggest petite. Now, now, if she has the �phone up around her face, it probably means that the receiver, the ear part, is ive never near her ear. Right?

39:33 Drew Should we try to wake her up?

39:34 Best Of Let me try.

39:35 Drew Then why are we not hearing her now?

39:38 Best Of It's a good question. I've run out of ideas. Stopped snoring.

40:01 Adam It seems like it caused a little movement. Let's take a break. We'll get back with Mary. It sort of, it shut her up. As somebody who's the world's lightest sleeper, I'm constantly amazed at those who can nod off in the upright position with phones of theirs and stuff. She must have heard her, obviously heard her name on some level. She heard something or she wouldn't have stopped, right? All right. Thanks for that commitment, Drew. We'll get back with Mary and then you and me and us all after this. And we move forward with the show, Drew, yes?

41:03 Drew Yes. Well, we're sort of moving forward. We're going to go back to Sarah and move forward.

41:08 Adam Yes. Now, Sarah's 20. Doesn't get along with her stepmom.

41:11 Drew Junior college.

41:13 Adam Maybe junior, junior college. Is there a one-year college that's like an annex of a junior college?

41:22 Drew Junior, junior, junior, junior.

41:23 Best Of Some trailer.

41:24 Drew Junior, junior, junior college.

41:27 Adam A trailer that's up on pier blocks like out in the parking lot of the junior college. Sarah.

41:34 Drew Yeah.

41:35 Adam All right.

41:35 Drew So you were six years old.

41:37 Adam Well, look, I didn't want to get into this anymore. I don't like your stepmom, but I understand why she doesn't like you as well. So here's the thing. Here's the deal. Are you living at home?

41:49 Caller No, I'm not.

41:50 Adam Well, then there's really, really nothing to worry about with your stepmom.

41:54 Caller Well, no, it's just like whenever I call my dad's house, he wants me to acknowledge her and I don't acknowledge her at all. And I don't think I deserve, I don't think I have to do that.

42:04 Drew And you harken it all back. You, it's all that is, is a hard feelings you have about her yelling at you about something kind of goofy when you were six years old.

42:14 Caller Well, she, she used to, she used to kick me and my sister's ass. Okay. And then before we left for the weekend to go back to my mom's house, we would have to kiss her.

42:28 Adam With your tongue?

42:30 Caller No.

42:30 Drew Do you have a lot of piercing, Sarah?

42:33 Caller I don't know.

42:34 Adam All right, Sarah, I'm sorry you have an evil stepmother. I do believe she's a bad person.

42:42 Drew I understand you don't want to acknowledge her. That's fine.

42:44 Adam And you can not acknowledge her. And if your dad can't respect or acknowledge that, then you may have to cut him off for a little bit too.

42:52 Caller But here's your- I already cut him off for like two years.

42:55 Caller I didn't talk to him and my sisters did the same thing.

42:58 Drew How'd that go? Would that work okay for you?

43:01 Caller Not really.

43:02 Adam All right. Well, now let's talk about you now. A, let's turn down the goddamn radio. B, what is going on? You're going to junior college. That's a disaster. What else?

43:12 Caller Actually, it's not, it's going really good.

43:15 Drew How do you pay for that?

43:17 Caller Financial aid and grants.

43:19 Drew And you pay for your living that way too? I mean, your living arrangements?

43:22 Caller Actually, I work full time too.

43:25 Drew What kind of work do you do?

43:27 Caller Right now, I'm a floor technician.

43:29 Drew Right now?

43:31 Adam Floor technician?

43:32 Caller Yeah.

43:33 Adam What does that mean? It means you're running a waxer, right? You're buffing floors?

43:40 Caller Yeah.

43:41 Adam Really? Are you using one of those buffers? Oh, and not interesting to you that I knew the equipment that you were using?

43:51 Kind of.

43:52 Adam All right, so you're using one of those circular buffers, like in commercial buildings?

43:58 Yeah.

43:58 Drew Well, sometimes they're big old, like little machines.

44:01 Adam And you're, are you working at night?

44:05 Caller Yeah, actually, I'm at work right now.

44:10 Adam Ooh, it doesn't bother anybody that I know when they work and what equipment they use.

44:16 Drew What's what they do? How dare you? Of course.

44:18 Adam Yes, cause they think I'm like a kazoo.

44:20 Drew No, no.

44:21 Adam And I'm on their shoulders.

44:22 Drew Right, they think everybody knows what they do. Cause it's what they do.

44:27 Best Of Right.

44:27 Drew So therefore you should know.

44:29 Best Of Right. Right.

44:34 Drew But this grandiose, what happens when you've been physically abused? You gotta be, as I've said before, you've asked me to bring up my patients that have been sexually or physically abused feel like a piece of ass around which the whole world revolves.

44:48 Best Of Right.

44:48 Drew And that's what you're dealing with.

44:50 Adam Okay, Sarah, everybody. Let me just take a moment and give you some words to live by. You owe nothing to your parents if they weren't good parents. You owe everything to them if they were great parents. And then it's whatever's in between. I mean, quite honestly, if your parents were a four and a half or a five on the parenting scale, and you gotta be honest, you gotta stand back and look at it, then you can be a four or a five on the child.

45:17 Drew It can be your assessment of it too.

45:20 Adam It can be.

45:20 Drew Not what they tell you they were.

45:21 Adam No, my, listen, my parents know that by their own admission, they were like, three, three and a quarter. Now I give them about a two and a half.

45:30 Drew We'll pay back.

45:31 Adam Everyone's happy. I got a little interest for all the therapy I'm going through. And there you go. If your stepmom was a one or a minus one, then that's what she gets. Your dad was a three, you give her a three. That's what he has. He doesn't have a daughter, he has a three. It's about a third of a daughter. Fine. Work hard, get your crap together, and punish them by being successful. Not by getting high and having to move back in in the garage.

45:55 Drew Good times.

45:56 Adam All right, we'll be back after this.

45:58 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

46:03 Best Of One call is all you need to make.

46:04 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

46:08 Caller Call the Dateline.

46:52 Adam Hey everybody, Love Line. I'm Adam. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. All right, let's speak to Sasha, who's 14.

47:06 Best Of Sounds a little depressed.

47:08 Drew Well, she has to write a paper. Yeah, she wrote a paper tonight, and she's waiting for us to get to her.

47:13 Adam Yeesh. What do you have to do with those oral reports? Do you get to bring up, like, three by five cards?

47:24 Caller Well, no, we just have to report to the class what we found out about the topic.

47:30 Drew Have you checked it out on the web?

47:32 Caller Yeah, I tried, but it's, like, not applicable to the topic that we're doing right now.

47:37 Drew That's a very complex question.

47:39 Adam I know you have to report to the class, but do you get to bring up three by five cards?

47:44 Caller No.

47:45 Adam No cheat sheet? No nothing?

47:47 Caller Well, we can bring, like, research, but we have to just talk to the class about it.

47:52 Drew Extemporaneously. Without notes, without written material.

47:55 Adam No, no, I know, I know you got to, yeah, right, anyway, I don't know why, I don't know why by talking to people.

48:02 Drew So what have you discovered so far?

48:04 Caller Well, just the general dictionary definition of love.

48:07 Drew Yeah.

48:08 Caller But not, like, applicable to...

48:10 Drew Sasha, this is actually...

48:11 Adam Why isn't it applicable?

48:12 Drew There's a book called The General Theory of Love that's about 200 pages that goes through a systematic discussion of what the brain mechanisms are possibly, probably, related to this phenomenon, a general theory of love. And there are... Yes, they've terribly... Listen, first of all, all the literature, all the world's literature is packed with discussions about, at least the sort of romantic literature about what this thing is, an exploration, the philosophical explorations. The reality is now they're zeroing in on certain brain mechanisms. Really? And there are functional MRI scans, and there's differences in terms of how men and women experience these things. It's experiences at different phases of life, different, the different kinds of relationships, different depending on your history of your close relationships and whether you've been traumatized. So it's a terribly, terribly complex topic. But I would think the web would be a source for this, at least for the MRI, sort of, you know, look up the cingulate gyrus in the brain. That's one of the areas where these, and the anus.

49:08 Best Of What's it called?

49:09 Drew The cingulate gyrus and the orbital frontal system.

49:12 Best Of I don't think I got either one of those.

49:13 Drew These are where these sort of attachment phenomenon occur, and attachment is thought to be a critical issue in the love experience.

49:18 Best Of Boring!

49:19 Drew Yeah, it's actually very, it can be very boring if you really break it down to what the brain's doing.

49:23 Adam Oh no, it already is boring. Hey, uh, Sasha.

49:28 Best Of Hold on.

49:28 Adam Yeah, this Sasha, I bet she's cute because she's already becoming a pain in the ass.

49:34 Drew Well, here's the deal. Did you look on the web? No, not applicable. What have you got so far? Well, open the dictionary.

49:40 Best Of Hey, Sasha.

49:41 Adam I don't like your attitude.

49:43 Best Of Why? It just bothers me.

49:47 Caller I don't think I'm going to answer this question. All right.

49:51 Drew How dare you?

49:52 Best Of I don't like her.

49:52 Drew Even the chief would answer it.

49:53 Best Of No, she's snotty.

49:58 Adam Everything was sort of like... She was one of these... There's these people out there. You get halfway into your thing and they start shutting it down. You know, you start going, well, and they just start going... They have two modes. Either they misunderstand or they just sort of don't listen or they just sort of...

50:17 Drew Dismiss.

50:18 Adam Dismiss all the time.

50:19 Best Of Yeah.

50:19 Adam And all your ideas are stupid.

50:21 Drew Yeah.

50:21 Adam Well, have you tried...

50:22 Best Of I don't know if you've tried that.

50:24 Adam Well, did you look... They don't have anything. Well, good luck. But here's the thing. Sasha called the show looking for answers about love. Instead, I think she learned very important answers about attitude. Ah. That's what she needed. All right. And we don't have a good answer anyway.

50:43 Drew I can't remember several references.

50:45 Adam Yeah, but I don't know what she's supposed to do with that.

50:50 Drew What are we supposed to do with the question?

50:51 Adam What is she supposed to do in front of her class?

50:54 Drew She's got to go to the Web and actually do some research. Actually do it. And start with the general theory of love. Maybe there's a synopsis of the book online.

51:02 Caller Wait, hold on a second. Whoa. I'm going to ask a question.

51:06 Best Of Sasha, you still there?

51:07 Caller Yeah.

51:08 Adam What's your family situation like?

51:11 Caller Just a regular family.

51:14 Best Of Everything cool?

51:15 Caller Yeah.

51:16 Adam Dad's home.

51:17 Best Of He loves you?

51:17 Caller Mm-hmm.

51:19 Best Of And mom's good too?

51:21 Caller Yeah.

51:23 Adam What's your dad do for a living?

51:25 Caller He's a computer program person for Microsoft.

51:31 Adam And your mom, what's she do?

51:32 Caller Oh, well, she's a computer person too, but she doesn't work.

51:35 Adam Nice.

51:36 Caller Well, she can't really work. We're illegal.

51:39 Caller Well, it's illegal for her to work.

51:40 Drew Why?

51:42 Caller Well, we're from Russia, so we just moved here like three years ago, so she doesn't have the right visa to have a right to work.

51:49 Adam How was Russia?

51:51 Caller What?

51:51 Adam How was Russia?

51:52 Caller It was cold.

51:54 Best Of It was cold.

51:55 Caller It was good.

51:55 Adam It's good? Russia's good?

51:57 Caller Yeah.

51:58 Best Of Why'd you move?

52:00 Caller Because my dad got a job here and it was better than the job there.

52:03 Drew Are you upset that you had to leave?

52:05 Caller Well, I guess.

52:07 Caller I guess, but it was like three years ago, so I don't really remember much.

52:11 Drew But you were 11 then. Most of your childhood was there. You should remember a ton.

52:16 Caller Well, I remember a lot of stuff, but not really enough to have a very big emotional attachment to it.

52:24 Drew Wait, wait, whoa, whoa. You couldn't have a bigger emotional attachment. Those are when emotional attachments are very terribly intense.

52:31 Adam At 11.

52:32 Drew 11 and under, of course. Those are the most powerful imprints on your brain during those years.

52:40 Caller Well, but I was like a lonely kid when I was in Russia, but when I moved here, I got lots of friends.

52:46 Adam Well, why do you like Russia better, though?

52:49 Caller Well, because that's just like my homeland. You just like it better than the one you have now, I guess.

52:57 Adam I know, but you didn't have any friends over there, and your dad had a crappy job.

53:00 Caller Well, not crappy, and not, like, not no friends at all. I had friends. I have more friends here because people are friendlier.

53:10 Adam Are they? And by the way, she doesn't really have any accent. Shouldn't you have some accent?

53:16 Drew If you picked up English three years ago?

53:18 Caller Well, I was learning English since I was looking first grade in Russia.

53:22 Adam That's smart.

53:23 Caller So here it just got more fluent.

53:25 Adam I see. And, and, you think people are friendlier here than they are in Russia?

53:31 Caller Well, it's like you walk down the street and people are smiling at you. I don't see a reason for people to smile. And in Russia, people don't smile at you randomly.

53:40 Drew Where, what part of Russia were you living in?

53:42 Caller What?

53:42 Drew What part of Russia were you living in?

53:43 Caller It's like right in the middle where Europe and Asia meet. It's like the city is called Yekaterinburg.

53:52 Adam Oh, now Drew's been there. He went there on a sex story he was telling me about during the break. Hold on a second, Sasha. Sasha's smart, but she's angry. And that's what I think I sensed the first time around.

54:06 Drew But it's almost a, it's like it's something out of a Woody Allen film or something. Like she's some sort of character out of it. Like people should not smile. It's like, what's the smile for? Why are you smiling?

54:21 Adam She's going to vent a ray that stops people from smiling.

54:24 Caller All right, let's see.

54:27 Adam Sasha?

54:28 Caller Yeah?

54:29 Adam You sound angry.

54:30 Caller No, I don't. I'm just tired. I have to wake up at 5.30 to get to work.

54:35 Adam And there's not many 14-year-olds that talk about, you know, why people are smiling and how they don't smile.

54:40 Caller Well, it's just scary when you're walking down the street and people just look, randomly smile at you. It's not something you'd expect, usually.

54:48 Adam Well, I mean, you've been here for long enough to probably get used to it, right?

54:52 Caller Well, I guess, but... Well, I went back during the summer and I kind of got very acquainted with everything.

55:01 Adam So if you had it your way, would you be living in Russia?

55:03 Caller Actually, I would be living in Amsterdam.

55:07 Adam Really?

55:08 Caller Yeah, because I think that would be cool.

55:10 Drew Have you ever been there?

55:13 Caller Like, if we had to...

55:15 Drew Have you ever been there?

55:17 Caller What?

55:17 Drew Where's the... I don't know.

55:19 Caller The phone cut off. We could have moved here or Holland.

55:22 Adam All right, listen, let me give you some sage advice and forget about this. By the way, in this country, I'm looked at as a deity. I'm a bit of a god. So maybe you hadn't heard of me in Russia, but I'm huge over here stateside.

55:35 Drew Adam Nostrovya.

55:37 Adam That's right. So you know.

55:43 Drew Yeah.

55:43 Adam So listen, here's the thing, Sasha. You're super smart. I bet you're cute. You got a lot going for you. But sometimes being smart doesn't mean being happy. As a matter of fact, smart is not the friend of happiness. Often times it turns on happy and beats the crap out of it. Because smart looks at happy and says, you think you're happy? Where'd you get that haircut? And look at you. You're 10 pounds overweight. And you know, you got some friends, but you don't got that many. And they ain't that smart. And they ain't that happy. And actually, you know, happy don't feel too good about himself. Right. That's what smart does to happy. You know, let me tell you.

56:22 Drew That's why that was not the eighth dwarf. Or they kicked him off the set.

56:26 Adam Smart and happy?

56:27 Drew Because he would have kicked happy's ass. And would have upset the balance of the whole thing.

56:31 Adam Sasha is real long on smart and kind of short on happy. And ultimately, whereas the smart people walk around passing judgment and letting everyone know how much smarter they are than everyone, ultimately jokes on them because they went through a life without any happiness. So, eh.

56:51 Drew I think you're giving a very, very important message to the American youth, which is don't be smart.

56:55 Adam That's right. And don't crack, don't crack wise. No, there's, it's, it's one thing to accumulate knowledge. That's fine. That's an important thing. You should go out and experience and learn as much as you can. But when you put the, when you put a bigger emphasis on smart than you do on happy, people need to focus on happy. If people are smiling, you should smile back. It's a better, it's a better life.

57:23 Drew You know what, so qué interesting that ĺ the whole notion of love for Sasha is something terribly mysterious and confusing. It's like, what could they possibly mean?

57:32 Adam I looked in the dictionary Sasha's smart and a little bit angry. Icy cold and drum and icy cold colder than the Russian front that they used to threaten I'm threatened to send Colonel Clink to all the time. Colder than a-

57:50 Drew Siberian winter.

57:51 Adam I was going to say a Siberian parking block. All right, so here's the point. Oh, you can't tell or not. It's never going to work. I just don't know what to do. What do you do with Sasha? Center space camp?

58:03 Drew Get more friends.

58:04 Adam More friends. Get some friends and get some goofy friends.

58:11 Caller You know, he was writing the music for that new band or whatever and that they had pretty good.

58:16 Drew I knew, I knew an S or an F was going to fly out of there. I just know it.

58:21 Adam God forbid we put one of the Loveline callers on the air for more than four words without them knowing it. The S, the S-bomb gets dropped.

58:32 Drew I thought it'd be the F-bomb first. I was convinced that was coming any second.

58:35 Adam Well, I'm sure we missed out on six F-bombs and three S's in the time and maybe an N word in the time we put her on hold. All right, but that's not her fault. So we're not going to punish her. We're going to go back to her, Drew.

58:50 Best Of Why is it not her fault? It's not her fault because she didn't know she was on the air. Oh, yeah.

58:56 Drew Paige?

58:57 Caller I don't even know. I can't even.

58:59 Drew It's going to happen again. Paige.

59:02 Best Of I don't want her to do it again.

59:03 Caller Oh, come on. When do you think that you'll get to talk to her next or? I wouldn't push it if he wants to. He's totally disregarding you. And you guys have had this really.

59:28 Adam I feel another F for an S coming.

59:30 Drew I got it.

59:31 Adam Are you cool?

59:32 Drew You got it?

59:32 Adam What's the over under on the S?

59:35 Drew No, the F.

59:36 Adam Or the F?

59:36 Drew You should have given love advice. That was good.

59:40 Adam You should have given love advice. No, minutes.

59:42 Drew How many seconds, I mean?

59:43 Adam How many seconds?

59:44 Drew 30 seconds.

59:45 Adam 30? I'm going under. You're going over. Are you ready? No F or S.

59:50 Caller I still have to do like all the paperwork and all the notes.

59:55 Adam That was quick. Four seconds into it.

59:58 Drew Are you kidding?

1:00:01 Adam Let me explain something, Drew. 30 seconds, a lifetime to someone who has profanity flying from their mouth constantly.

1:00:10 Drew Well, I didn't know that S and F were commas and periods for her.

1:00:14 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:00:15 Drew It just, yeah.

1:00:15 Adam Man, when you said 30, I immediately, I mean, Chris, your witness, I went under. I said go under.

1:00:21 Drew Fast, fast.

1:00:21 Caller Yeah.

1:00:22 Adam Oh, no. And that was, that was a little, I would have put it more at about 16, 17 seconds, but that was literally four and a half seconds. Now Anderson, did you?

1:00:34 Drew Double down. Did you get that?

1:00:35 Best Of I got it.

1:00:35 Adam We're cool, yeah. No real time, too.

1:00:38 Drew Now this time we'll go 20 seconds. 20 seconds to F.

1:00:40 Best Of Unless she does two in a row, then give me a break.

1:00:42 Adam Okay. Well, I'll nipper on the first one. So I don't know.

1:00:48 Drew We still haven't got a single F out, so I'm gambling on F.

1:00:51 Adam I'm just going profanity that we got to cut. What's your over under?

1:00:55 Drew 15.

1:00:56 Caller 15?

1:00:57 Drew I think that was a lucky move, that last one.

1:01:00 Caller 15?

1:01:00 Drew All right.

1:01:01 Adam I'm going over.

1:01:02 Drew What's what I want to do, too?

1:01:05 Caller Like, and he's like, yeah, there are things that I also want to do for you. Yeah. Like, what? You're the one that, you know, want to do. Like, that's what guys do. It's so annoying. Like, that's what guys do.

1:01:28 Adam Yeah. The f-word came about 21 seconds into it, although it was only her third word. Her friend was doing most of the talking. Yeah. So, it was hard to figure out where to start the clock there because, you know, her friend was talking the whole time.

1:01:53 Caller That's tough.

1:01:53 Adam Yeah. That's tough.

1:01:55 Caller All right.

1:01:56 Adam Anderson, did you get that?

1:01:58 Caller We're good.

1:01:58 Caller Let's do more.

1:01:59 Adam And what is that? Now, what are the people at home hearing?

1:02:02 Caller They're just hearing like a second of dead.

1:02:04 Drew They hear this. They know what's being said. They miss the word.

1:02:07 Adam Okay.

1:02:08 Drew Do you make a sound or something where the word goes?

1:02:09 Caller I've been asking for a sound over here for a long time, but I just have dead air.

1:02:13 Adam Well, that sound would be, that's extravagant, right? For a radio show?

1:02:19 Caller I wanted this.

1:02:20 Adam All right.

1:02:23 Caller Let's get back.

1:02:23 Drew Let's make another sound. Let's make another bed.

1:02:26 Best Of All right.

1:02:27 Adam Now this is any kind of profanity. Any kind of profanity.

1:02:31 Drew I think we go for a duel. A duel.

1:02:34 Adam We can't. We can't.

1:02:35 Drew Yes, we can.

1:02:36 Caller If her friend is talking, as soon as she starts talking, I'll play the clock ticking and we'll know. Look.

1:02:42 Adam Here's my point, Drew.

1:02:43 Drew Dual juxtaposed profanity.

1:02:45 Best Of Now.

1:02:45 Drew 30 seconds.

1:02:46 Best Of No.

1:02:47 Adam I got to put them on hold the second I hear the first one. And Anderson's got to dump it.

1:02:52 Best Of I can put them on hold.

1:02:54 Adam Well, here's the point. It's getting confusing, Drew. I say S word.

1:02:59 Best Of All right.

1:03:00 Adam I say S word in 12 seconds. You going under or over?

1:03:07 Drew Over. You're going over. Of her talking.

1:03:08 Adam Of her talking.

1:03:10 Drew Yes.

1:03:11 Adam 12 seconds.

1:03:12 Caller Over.

1:03:12 Adam Going over. I'm going. So 12 is a push.

1:03:17 Caller Wrong button.

1:03:18 Adam Wrong button.

1:03:18 Best Of All right.

1:03:19 Adam I'm going to I'm going to push the button when the clock gets to straight up at 11 17.

1:03:25 Best Of All right.

1:03:25 Drew That's.

1:03:27 Best Of Yeah.

1:03:28 Drew 23. 24. Yeah.

1:03:29 Best Of Here we go.

1:03:29 Drew For two minutes. My friend's not there.

1:03:37 Caller Hello.

1:03:38 Adam Oh, you guys stop talking.

1:03:40 Caller Oh, no.

1:03:43 Adam Oh, we had a great thing going with you two.

1:03:45 Caller Oh, wow.

1:03:46 Adam That was huge.

1:03:47 Drew Well, you know, Dr. Page, we noticed a certain meter and quality to your speech, and we'd ask you to refrain from using some of the great embellishment of speech that colors your language every about fifth word while you're on the air.

1:04:02 Adam Oh, that's all right. Where'd you go to finishing school?

1:04:05 Drew The place I sent my daughter.

1:04:07 Adam Nice prep place to send the kids. That's all right. Now, how did it happen that we could hear you, but you couldn't hear us?

1:04:16 Caller You know, that's really bizarre. I was kind of thinking the same thing. I'm totally embarrassed right now.

1:04:24 Drew She was lost in conversation.

1:04:27 Adam We heard you first giving out some very sage advice.

1:04:31 Drew Effing advice.

1:04:32 Adam Effing advice, and a little essing advice to your friend, too.

1:04:35 Drew Essing advice.

1:04:35 Caller That was the most random thing. Like, I just had an old friend, like, stop by, and it was absolutely crazy, and I was like, you know, I finally got through. By the way, sorry.

1:04:49 Drew We found out how guys are. We actually thought you were right.

1:04:52 Caller Oh, really?

1:04:53 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:04:55 Caller Oh, thank you.

1:04:56 Caller Maybe I'll change my major.

1:04:58 Adam What is your major now, Paige? Swearing?

1:05:01 Drew Elocution.

1:05:08 Adam When I think, when I hear fashion, I think skinny chick, big nose.

1:05:12 Caller Yeah?

1:05:12 Drew Yeah.

1:05:12 Adam That's what I think.

1:05:15 Caller I don't know. I don't, I don't think I'm really skinny, but that's probably just a girl thing to say. You know, thank you, Adam. I do have a big nose.

1:05:24 Adam Yeah. Well, how tall are you?

1:05:27 Caller I'm five.

1:05:29 Drew Ooh, dude, Paige. Didn't we just ask for the, to hold the, hold the color down? Rhetoric, not elocution, rhetoric. That's what she majors in.

1:05:40 Adam Now, wait a minute, Drew. Now I'm confused. Now I'm not. Was she insulted?

1:05:47 Drew By the question?

1:05:48 Adam By the question or?

1:05:48 Drew No, she was just using a comma.

1:05:52 Adam Yeah, but the effing, I said, how much, how tall are you? And she said, I'm effing.

1:05:58 Drew I'm, I'm let's see, comma.

1:06:01 Adam Yeah. What did that, but she, she sound like an articulate, I know, no, I know, I know you're laughing, but I mean, once she was aware she was on the air, she, she can only hold together for so long.

1:06:12 Drew Please come on.

1:06:13 Adam Well, it's true. It had been a whole 36 seconds. We could have dropped the f-bomb. All right, Paige, you got to hang on a second because we're going to have to.

1:06:22 Drew I'm enticed.

1:06:23 Adam Really?

1:06:23 Drew Let's just finish it up.

1:06:24 Caller All right.

1:06:26 Adam Paige.

1:06:27 Drew How tall are you?

1:06:32 Adam What's she talking about now? Paige, how tall are you?

1:06:41 Caller All right.

1:06:42 Adam And you got a big schnoz, right?

1:06:46 Caller All right.

1:06:47 Adam I'm scared whenever she starts talking that she's going to let the F-bomb fly. All I said was chicks that are designers, I got skinny. I didn't say tall. Just skinny with a big schnoz.

1:06:59 Drew 510, 130 is pretty thin.

1:07:01 Adam 137.

1:07:02 Caller Yeah. No, no.

1:07:02 Adam It's thin. She's got a big schnoz.

1:07:04 Best Of That's all I'm saying.

1:07:06 Adam That's what I picture.

1:07:07 Best Of All right.

1:07:09 Adam Paige.

1:07:10 Drew So, Paige, what's your question?

1:07:12 Caller Well, I was basically, I'm curious to see if I masturbate a lot. Well, you know, like some days I do, like every other day, I probably don't. But when I do, I do it like four or five times. I don't touch myself, though I use a vibrator. I've never had an orgasm during sex. So, I want to know basically, ever since I lost my virginity at a very young age, and it wasn't the best experience, of course.

1:07:47 Drew How old were you?

1:07:49 Caller I was 13.

1:07:51 Adam How old was the guy?

1:07:53 Caller 15.

1:07:53 Adam Were you just one of these girls that grew up too fast?

1:07:57 Caller It was my brother's best friend. He's been a friend of the family for several years. We'd grown up together. He was really cool and always made my brother be nice to me.

1:08:08 Adam Are your parents professionals, like attorneys or doctors or something?

1:08:14 Caller No comments on that.

1:08:16 Drew Why not?

1:08:16 Caller Because, I have, no.

1:08:22 Drew Were your parents drug addicts or something to be ashamed of?

1:08:25 Caller No, but regardless, I don't know.

1:08:30 Adam What's she so flighty for? And what's with their no comment line?

1:08:35 Drew Well, you have a rule about that, don't you?

1:08:37 Adam Oh, yeah. My rule is, is when I hear no comment from one of the callers, later on that night, I go home, I beat off and I drink red wine.

1:08:49 Drew Thus. Well, wait a minute. That happens every night.

1:08:51 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

1:08:52 Drew But we don't hear no comment every night.

1:08:57 Adam But I'm just playing it safe. You understand?

1:08:59 Drew Okay.

1:09:00 Adam Just.

1:09:00 Drew Yeah.

1:09:00 Adam Because I'll get home and I'll be like, wait a minute. Did I hear no comment? I'm going to pour some wine and pull my junk out. You're going to cover myself. You don't know. You could get burned.

1:09:10 Drew Don't cover yourself.

1:09:12 Adam Paige. All right. So here's the thing. What did your parents do?

1:09:18 Drew What kind of people were they?

1:09:21 Caller I don't like my dad. I don't speak with my dad. What?

1:09:24 Adam Was he a professional?

1:09:27 Caller He has like ADHD, so he had like seven jobs a year.

1:09:32 Drew Well, I just hear bipolar when you say that.

1:09:35 Caller Yeah, that too. I don't know who he is, so I speak with him.

1:09:41 Adam So did he not make any money?

1:09:43 Caller No. He made good money. He just lived a whole life that we never knew about.

1:09:48 Adam Are there any doctors or lawyers in your family?

1:09:53 Caller One doctor.

1:09:55 Best Of Who? I ask if your mom and dad are doctors or lawyers. All right, who cares?

1:10:03 Adam I don't know. I know what's going on. I know her.

1:10:05 Best Of I mean, I know.

1:10:06 Adam I can feel her.

1:10:07 Drew Tell me.

1:10:08 Adam Just got the money, got the attitude, angry, smart again, not happy.

1:10:14 Drew Was she angry by just being abandoned?

1:10:15 Adam And grown up early.

1:10:21 Drew Had to raise herself kind of thing.

1:10:23 Adam Yeah.

1:10:24 Drew Parentalized early.

1:10:24 Adam That's right. I would say that too. Money, but you can't buy, can't buy the love kind of thing. Dad all over the place, mom professional.

1:10:33 Drew It's a very cold family life. Very cold.

1:10:35 Best Of Yeah.

1:10:36 Adam And so you grow up smart, you kind of grow up fast and a little angry. So she's like smart, little angry.

1:10:42 Drew Was that less than zero?

1:10:43 Best Of Yeah, that's her.

1:10:46 Adam All right. We're taking a break. Paige, I don't care.

1:10:48 Drew It's been a very interesting night, hasn't it?

1:10:50 Adam You got your vibrator. God bless you.

1:10:52 Drew For Adam's birthday, it's been an interesting night. Adam's going to Europe tomorrow?

1:10:56 Adam No.

1:10:56 Best Of Next day?

1:10:57 Adam Yeah, next day.

1:10:59 Best Of Yeah. All right.

1:11:00 Drew Good times.

1:11:01 Best Of We'll be back for this.

1:11:31 Adam It's Loveline. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. All right, Alana is 22. Fiance likes porn. She wants to watch with him. He wants to do it alone.

1:11:45 Best Of Alana? All right.

1:11:49 Drew Been dating for two years. What were your relationships like before him?

1:11:56 Caller Dated a lot of older guys, I guess.

1:11:58 Drew How old is he, this guy?

1:12:01 Caller He's 27.

1:12:04 Drew We were sort of hit with the little girl voice when you started talking to us at the very beginning.

1:12:08 Caller I know a lot of people always mistake me on the phone. They always ask me, well, is your mom home?

1:12:13 Drew Yeah, there's a reason for that, though.

1:12:15 Adam Yeah, but her voice cleared up a little bit. A little bit.

1:12:18 Drew So some treatment in there, maybe?

1:12:20 Adam Any sexual abuse in your past?

1:12:22 Caller No, well, there was this thing with this when I was 15, with this guy that was 30, but I had therapy and stuff for that.

1:12:35 Drew That's why the clear up part, that's what I said.

1:12:37 Adam Interesting. What happened?

1:12:39 Caller Well, when I was 15, I was working one of my first jobs as a grocery bagger. Pretty much that's the only job that 15-year-olds can get. And there was a guy that worked there who was 30. And it just started out as kind of like flirting and stuff. And then eventually we ended up having this. I basically lost my virginity to him and what not.

1:13:05 Drew What do you mean basically lost your virginity?

1:13:07 Caller Well, I lost my virginity to him and had a weird nine-month relationship. And then I broke it off and then I started feeling really weird about it. And I started dating this one guy a couple of months after I broke it off with the older guy. And he's the one guy kind of, you know, I opened up to him and he got me to go to the rape crisis. And I did a whole police report on him.

1:13:28 But that's what happened.

1:13:29 Caller Good job.

1:13:30 Adam That's nice. And did the guy get weird, the 30-year-old guy, when you broke it off with him?

1:13:35 Caller Well, I mean, of course, you know, when you're 15, there's all that drama like, oh, you know, I really love this person, but you have no idea what love is when you're 15. And so there is all that kind of drama. But he got over it, and I ended up finding out with the police department that he had something like this similar, like this happened with him and a 12-year-old that they couldn't have given enough evidence to prove it.

1:13:58 Adam 12-year-old.

1:14:00 Caller So he was obviously a predator, and I just don't pray to that.

1:14:04 Drew And nothing happened to you before that sort of set you up to be a victim?

1:14:08 Caller No, that's the only thing.

1:14:10 Adam Nothing before that, huh?

1:14:12 Caller No, I'm being real with you guys. I watch your show, and I wouldn't try and hide something.

1:14:17 Drew We're just checking. There were times we wouldn't believe that, and there were times we would.

1:14:24 Adam How do you get along with your dad?

1:14:28 Caller No. My parents went through a divorce last summer after about 20 years together, and he wanted me to pick sides, and I refused to, and so he kind of has shut me out of his life now.

1:14:45 Drew Okay, so what is the question?

1:14:47 Caller Well, the question is, my fiance, he likes to, you know, with this new internet age and everything, downloading is really convenient, and he downloads, I mean, I'm not kidding, like 900 or 1,000 videos of porn, and some of it's really offensive, like we're talking freaky, weird stuff that I wouldn't even mention. Just think of whatever the grossest thing you could think of and times that by 100.

1:15:15 Drew Well, here's my other kids involved with this.

1:15:18 Caller No, no, no, thank God, no, no. I would be running away screaming at ouselves what the hell is going on.

1:15:23 Adam Yeah, she wouldn't do that. All right, so he's downloading all this sort of deviant porn. And sharing that with you at least. Well, not sharing the actual porn, but at least the knowledge that he's downloading the porn with you.

1:15:39 Caller Well, no, I kind of, since we share a computer, he didn't really try to hide it. And I found it and was like, you know, I approached him. I said, well, is this the kind of stuff that you're interested in? And he was like, well, no, I'm just curious. Like, I just know. And I asked him, well, you know, some of it's really offensive. Why don't you just delete it when you see how disgusting it is? He's like, well, I don't know. He just kind of avoids the whole conversation. Well, like weird insertion stuff and weird, like, like ten guys with one girl, you know, fill every hole.

1:16:16 Adam OK, I just want to know where the guy stood.

1:16:19 Drew Strangely, you could hang with this guy, but couldn't hang with the guy that was up during the oral session.

1:16:23 Adam We could hang. Look, here's the thing. Guys feel a little weird about the porn thing. And it's sort of like when their dad says, like, come on, son, I'll take you to a strip joint. It's kind of like, I want to go to a strip club. I like you, dad. We can go to a ball game. But this feels weird because this is this is kind of my own thing.

1:16:49 Drew It's an intrusion.

1:16:50 Adam Yeah. And so do not try to get involved with him and his his his hobbies. But but here's the thing. By all means, you can you can set some limits and you can tell him the way certain things make you feel. And you know, you're very even keeled about this stuff. Most are our callers and listeners would not be spinning about this.

1:17:12 Drew And you sounded very appropriate. You call this disgusting and inappropriate. And then so be it. It is. Just ask him to kind of keep it.

1:17:19 Adam Here's the other thing, too. You're 22.

1:17:25 Drew Is it time for that?

1:17:27 Adam Take it. Slow it down just a little bit. No need to get married. And by the way, all this stuff is a misdemeanor before you get married. It becomes a felony later on when you start having kids and you get locked in. And the guys mincing around in your underpants, you know, you come home early from work one day, he's wearing your underpants. He's telling you, he's just curious. You know what I mean? Here's what it is. Men and women, this courtship stuff, this is a test drive that's got to go on over a few years. Yeah. Or you got to be older, in which case you got to know a little more about how the car works. Because you don't want to get a lemon six months into it. And a lot of stuff doesn't present itself for a while. You know what I'm saying? Right. And for a lot of people, when you get married at 19 or 20 or 21, they're just beginning to get into their ass at 20, 21. It's not hit its stride. For some people doesn't hit their stride until it's like 26, 27. It's like they're not busy growing and effing up. You want to know that all the eff up is out of them before it's time to actually put them in action.

1:18:36 Drew Males especially.

1:18:37 Adam Yeah. Males especially. Males still got plenty of energy left. They'll still be spinning off in a certain direction. You may just caught them at the very beginning of the spin cycle. Yeah, yeah. Emily, oops.

1:18:50 Caller No.

1:18:51 Adam Oh, Alana, I think I hung up on Emily by...

1:18:54 Drew Emily, are you there?

1:18:55 Caller Yeah.

1:18:57 Adam What's happening? How old are you?

1:18:59 Caller I'm 23.

1:19:01 Adam What's up?

1:19:02 Caller Well, I actually called last week about the chances of getting pregnant if you take the pill continuously.

1:19:07 Caller Yeah.

1:19:08 Caller Remember?

1:19:09 Caller Yep.

1:19:09 Adam Yeah.

1:19:09 Caller Anyway, so that weekend was not the first time that I slept with this guy. But then that particular weekend, he voluntarily packed a bag and drove down to hang out with me. And he stayed Friday night and Saturday night and left on Mother's Day.

1:19:27 Adam He voluntarily did that, huh? Are you sure it's not part of, you know, some sort of proclamation from the state where he had a work off certain amount of community hours or something? It was a community service thing. That's happened to me.

1:19:44 Caller But I just said, you know, come down and hang out. And he ended up, I mean, he was like, OK, I'm going to pack a bag and come down. And that surprised me, you know.

1:19:54 Drew Why does that surprise you?

1:19:56 Caller I don't know. I just, I was like, whoa, he wants to come and hang out with me.

1:20:01 Drew That's like, you know, I've got shepherds at home. It's like saying, hey, guys, come over here and hang out with these rib bones here. Just hang out, hang out. And I'm gonna be surprised when they come running.

1:20:11 Adam Yeah, guys, guys pack the bag. They, you know, give a good loofah to the under sack area.

1:20:18 Drew You should have asked him to like swim to wherever you are. He'd be there.

1:20:21 Adam Especially young guys.

1:20:29 Drew Since that weekend? We need to give this young lady a primer on the mail.

1:20:36 Caller Yeah.

1:20:36 Drew She's very confused about how they work. No, no, no. It's quiet.

1:20:42 Caller Shh, shh, shh.

1:20:43 Drew Adam, please help her, help her.

1:20:45 Adam This is...

1:20:46 Drew You have to understand that males' brains work terribly differently than yours. Their motivational priorities, different. Different. To share an intimate weekend means zero. To many men under the influence of testosterone, it means sex. And when the sex ends, the weekend ends, and they go about their business. Yes. And that's it. It's a very specifically, oftentimes, physical experience, or even just visual.

1:21:16 Adam Yeah.

1:21:17 Drew And it doesn't mean he doesn't like you, it doesn't mean he doesn't... He's appreciative.

1:21:21 Adam Yeah. No, it doesn't mean he didn't enjoy himself as much as you enjoyed yourself for that weekend. It just means it doesn't mean to him what it meant to you.

1:21:28 Drew Different experience, different experience.

1:21:32 Caller But the weekend before, I would have thought that I wouldn't hear from him again after that because that was like the first time that I slept with him. And so then now, after he just comes down, I mean, it just surprises me that he would come...

1:21:47 Drew Why did you think you wouldn't hear from him after the first time?

1:21:50 Caller I don't know, because I just think that seems like something that would be more likely to happen, not...

1:21:54 Drew Why was the weekend different than the first time?

1:21:59 Caller Because that was way more like a booty call.

1:22:03 Drew The first time was?

1:22:04 Caller Yeah.

1:22:06 Drew Well, it was just a longer one for the weekend.

1:22:11 Adam Look, everybody. You know, here's the thing. You cannot just deconstruct the course of events that took place in your short relationship. Well, you're trying to force it into something that it wasn't. Yeah, I go, well, why would she say this and then do that? You know, she meant this. Why did she say that? And plus, she said to me or he said, now, why would he call? I never called.

1:22:40 Drew The facts are the facts.

1:22:42 Adam The facts are the facts.

1:22:43 Drew Just look at the actions.

1:22:44 Adam It's like, it's like, it's really, it's like combing over Princess Di's accident, you know? I mean, you can do it a thousand times. You know, if he hadn't been drinking, if she had left the hotel just moments later, if the paparazzi hadn't changed, do whatever you want. Do it a thousand times.

1:23:02 Drew Doesn't change the outcome.

1:23:03 Adam She's still in the coffin. That's what this is. And now, if you can learn from it.

1:23:08 Drew There you go.

1:23:09 Adam If we can prevent further accidents from happening, fine. And that's what we should be doing.

1:23:16 Drew That's what we're trying to do.

1:23:17 Adam But not trying to figure out why he's not calling. He's not calling because he's not interested.

1:23:22 Drew We're not saying that all men are this way. We're not saying that men are bad because they're this way, even when this is the way they behave. But there's a motivational set of motivational priorities in play that are different than yours. They just make the brain operate differently.

1:23:35 Adam And it's not that there's anything necessarily wrong with you.

1:23:40 Drew No, with her. No, no.

1:23:41 Adam At all.

1:23:41 Drew No, no.

1:23:42 Adam I mean, this is the other thing that women look at. What I do. Which is, if a woman found a guy that she was attracted to, that she wanted to have sex with, that she really liked, and then somehow had to fling with him over the weekend and dump them, they would think, well, something's wrong with this guy.

1:23:59 Best Of I found out something horrible.

1:24:00 Adam I found out something. We don't find out anything horrible. Once in a while, a little smelly foo-foo or something like that. We don't find anything out. It's just we're 23. We're moving on. You know what we found out? We found out we had a good time. We also found out we could do this again with somebody else this time. Maybe more than one person. You know what I'm saying? Got a little power. Now we're moving on.

1:24:22 Drew That's what guys are into.

1:24:23 Adam That's it. And women, it's like, oh, they must have. Why would you?

1:24:28 Drew How could it?

1:24:29 Adam Nothing wrong with you.

1:24:30 Drew Maybe he didn't really. No, he really did. He had the experience you thought he had. And it meant something different.

1:24:39 Caller Good times. We'll take a quick break.

1:24:40 Adam We'll be right back. Just heard phone screener Brian telling someone never to call again. That's a good thing. I like that. That's what's my son. All right, phone number. I give that 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. over there, Adam Carolla over here. And it's time to go back to the phones.

1:25:30 Best Of We'll speak to Elizabeth.

1:25:33 Adam Elizabeth?

1:25:34 Caller Hello?

1:25:35 Best Of 22?

1:25:36 Adam 22?

1:25:37 Caller Yeah.

1:25:38 Adam Mm-hmm. What's up?

1:25:43 Caller When I'm about to orgasm, I feel like I can't breathe, like I'm suffocating.

1:25:50 Adam Drew? Yeah. I think maybe Chief Thunder Bear.

1:25:57 Drew He's very good with this sort of thing.

1:25:58 Adam He's a, I think he's a pulmonary specialist.

1:26:01 Drew Well, he's a gynecologist.

1:26:03 Adam Gynecologist, he's a psychologist.

1:26:06 Drew Ear, nose, and throat experience too.

1:26:08 Adam He does do ear, nose, and throat. And what probably-

1:26:11 Drew He's a shaman, he's a man of great wisdom.

1:26:14 Adam Yeah, well, he has some specialties too. And I think the ear, nose, and throat may come in here. Also as a sleep specialist as well.

1:26:21 Drew Oh, he does, good, good, good. I didn't know about that training, but that's excellent. He's an amazing gentleman, amazing.

1:26:26 Adam Yeah, so I'm gonna bring-

1:26:27 Drew His command of language is fabulous.

1:26:29 Adam I'm gonna bring him in. I'm gonna need you.

1:26:31 Drew Chris, he's still mad to you from last night. He wants more coffee. Come on, this time. Please, really, Chris, don't embarrass us. Not tonight.

1:26:45 Adam You want a fire, but he can't fire you cuz they are not paying.

1:26:53 Drew What's your question?

1:26:58 Caller When I'm about to orgasm, I feel like I can't get enough oxygen, like I'm suffocating.

1:27:27 Drew Yes, you can.

1:27:27 Caller I'm trying to breathe, like I can't get enough oxygen.

1:27:32 Adam What the heck are you?

1:27:34 Drew What prevents you from breathing?

1:27:35 Caller I don't know. I feel like I can't get enough oxygen.

1:27:42 Drew Are you hyperventilating? Why?

1:27:46 Caller I don't know.

1:27:48 Drew Easy, chief, easy, easy. More coffee. Chris, Chris, Chris, go, go, go, go. Come on, Chris, come on. Look, this guy carries on every night. This guy's graced us with his presence. He's been good enough to come in here with his wide ranging expertise. Yes, yes. Please don't embarrass us like this, okay? I'm sorry, don't worry. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. He'll get coffee. He wants it. He wants a rum in the coffee, too.

1:28:17 Adam You know why?

1:28:18 Drew Yeah, I know. Firewater.

1:28:20 Adam Yes, yes, yes, yes.

1:28:34 Drew Okay, and he's also这个 gathering the spirits, and is sort of like 一個德靈 Qo Moscou Ha Boeth 콩. You have one boyfriend?

1:28:56 Caller Yeah.

1:28:57 Drew And how long have you been having sex with him?

1:28:59 Caller Just like a month or so.

1:29:05 Drew Are you nervous? Are you nervous? Are you nervous?

1:29:10 Caller No, I'm not. I've had other long-term relationships, and it always happens, and I can't, like, I get so worn out that I can't, like, I want them to stop because I feel like I can't get enough oxygen, and I get, like, He understands that.

1:29:31 Drew Chief understands about the oxygen. Are you having sex, or is it during oral sex?

1:29:37 Caller It's during oral sex.

1:29:45 Drew Chief, no, Chief, he's confusing, I understand, he's confusing you giving oral sex, you receiving oral sex, and he wants to be sure that it's not that you can't breathe because you have something, yeah, you got something occluding your airway. He's confused, the Chief is confused. He's basically saying, who doesn't get a little short of breath when you're, especially early on when you're in your sexual relationship, when you're not sort of used to being sexually active, you can get nervous and get uptight and you got to learn to, you got to literally breathe. And breathe and attune to the spirits.

1:30:37 Best Of Of the world.

1:30:39 Caller Yeah.

1:30:42 Drew Coffee, Chris. And the fire water.

1:30:48 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:30:49 Drew Brandy.

1:30:49 Caller Brandy.

1:30:54 Drew I may have to talk to you a little bit more off the earth. So Elizabeth, hang on, please. Would you like to take another call?

1:31:04 Best Of I'm back.

1:31:06 Drew Oh, whoa, Adam. Where did the Chief go?

1:31:08 Adam Chief just says that. Well, first off, Chief, you just hear the wind chimes and the dream chaser blowing, dream catcher blowing around and he's gone.

1:31:18 Drew I see. He sees a spirit himself.

1:31:20 Adam Oh, it's much like spirit is elusive as a spirit.

1:31:24 Best Of Who are we going to talk to?

1:31:28 Drew Didn't help Elizabeth very much, but he was good. I'm going to talk to her off the air.

1:31:32 Adam Hurt commercial.

1:31:33 Drew No, we're going to break.

1:31:35 Best Of To do a report on class. Hold on a second.

1:31:38 Adam Sasha? You're doing a report in class?

1:31:42 Caller Yeah.

1:31:49 Drew Well, the chief might, if not Adam and I, when we come back after this.

1:31:55 Best Of Here it is.

1:31:57 Caller Here it is.

1:31:57 Caller Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:32:00 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline.

1:32:12 Caller So get your problems ready. This hour brought to you in part by Axe. Experience the Axe Effect.

1:32:42 Adam Well, there you go. Two fabulous hours of the best of Loveline.

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Sunday, September 5, 2004