Episode 1000643552838

8:17 Voiceover Loveline is meant for ndult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

8:24 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

8:36 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. I'm on the phone number 1-800-L-E-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist.

8:46 Drew And it's a new calmer Adam, after the siesta in Mexico.

8:49 Adam I'm back. Aries Spears is here tonight from Best Am Sports Show and, of course, MAD-TV. On since 97, by the way.

9:01 Aries Spears Has it been that long?

9:02 Adam It's been that long since you've been on, and the show's been on since 95, I would say.

9:10 Drew Cancelled eight times.

9:12 Aries Spears Supposedly.

9:13 Drew Every season.

9:13 Adam Every time we would ever talk to anybody from MAD-TV on our show, it would also say, it's getting cancelled. It's not working out.

9:21 Drew This is it.

9:23 Aries Spears It is a little show that could, man.

9:26 Adam It's a weird thing, too, because I think of Aries as a new cast member because it was on a whole 18 months before he got there. But it's like, oh, he's not the original cast member, but he's probably been there now longer than...

9:39 Aries Spears I'm the old guy now.

9:40 Adam You're the old guy.

9:41 Aries Spears I am truly the old guy.

9:42 Adam Yeah. I'm trying to think of who is there now that was there before you got there.

9:49 Aries Spears Nobody. The last hurrah was Deborah Wilson.

9:52 Adam Yeah.

9:53 Aries Spears And she did her last season. That was two years ago.

9:56 Adam Yeah. Deborah was good and weird.

10:00 Aries Spears They didn't make black people like her. She was a different breed.

10:06 Adam Because she had a lot of like sort of moon child. And black chicks don't normally get that. They just go in for the crazy nails. But she would like grab your arm when she talked to you and look you in the eye and start talking about your aura. And then flash you her breasts. She had some energy. I'll keep an eye on that Deborah. See how life treats her over the next couple years.

10:29 Aries Spears She's very exotic.

10:30 Drew Where she surfaces, as they say.

10:31 Adam Yeah. I like to see where she surfaces. I would be very interested if she surfaces at all.

10:38 Aries Spears Let her tell it. It'll be just above your navel.

10:40 Adam Oh, yeah. Now, did you ever ever do anything with her?

10:44 Aries Spears I wish I did. I wish I did. We really had that brother and sister relationship.

10:49 Adam She has that with people she doesn't know.

10:51 Aries Spears Which is what's scary.

10:52 Adam It's heavy.

10:53 Aries Spears She can have that with a homeless person. I know. But a lot of people ask that question, man. And that's my girl. Believe me, I tried a lot. It just didn't go down.

11:02 Drew There we go. That makes sense.

11:04 Adam That's good. Although she is the kind of chick that you realize, by the way, that maybe not the greatest idea at a certain point. Do you know what I mean?

11:15 Aries Spears Well, when you separate the madness of it, she really is a good chick.

11:21 Adam Oh, no. She'd be great to have on your team. It's the madness part I worry about. Oh, you definitely don't want her against you. That's a better way to look at it. You don't want her on the other side of the fence trying to get in. All right. What are we talking about, Drew? Well, we got to, I'll tell you what. We're going to, Aries had himself a CD out and he's going to be playing live. I ain't scared it's the name of the CD. We're going to hear something. Well, it's too filthy for you young kids to hear, even in the safe harbor hour. We got other things.

11:50 Aries Spears We got some things that we can play.

11:53 Adam I OK, I had an odyssey. I was in La Paz, Mexico this morning and got up at now. I don't exaggerate. Unlike my partner, Dr. Drew, over here, I got up. I went to bed at 2A and I got up at 6A because we had a 8A flight out of La Paz and packed our fish up. Tell you about that a little later. Got the airport, got on got on the plane and it was exhausted. Of course, an hour and 45 minute flight back to LAX. About 40 minutes in the flight, lying down on the chair, noticed that we were starting to head down and I thought, oh, we're landing already. You know what, I usually when I doze off, I keep a meticulous count of time, but I must have dozed off for an hour longer and I thought we're in LA already. We land up, we end up landing in like the mainland of Mexico.

12:43 Drew Did they announce what's going on?

12:45 Adam No, they never announce anything. Oh, if they do, it's in some crazy language you can't understand, Drew. It's all Mexican over there. The point is, is six hour, six hour.

12:54 Drew For what?

12:55 Adam Layover, a mechanical difficulty. And let me tell you this about...

12:59 Drew What airline?

13:00 Adam Aero...

13:01 Drew Mexico?

13:01 Adam Aero California. Oh, let me tell you something. First off, they fly, they fly DC-9s circa 1969, 19th to 1972. I mean, it's weird. It's weird when you get on a plane and a plane is busted up.

13:21 Drew I've seen them. They have the big black engines.

13:24 Adam Yeah, yeah. Like, it's one thing like when you get on a bus and the bus is kind of crappy or you hop a cab and the cab is kind of crappy. We're all used to that. Anyone who travels, especially if you go south of the border or something, you jump in some crappy van. All right, here's five bucks. Get me down to Revolution Street. But when the plane has... You know what I mean? When the plane looks like it's had much better days than this. You know what I mean? There's hydraulic fluid leaking over here. There's a little cramp. It's dirty. By the way, in the cockpit, they have the regular cockpit windows, and then they have that one that's up high sometimes so they can see. Broken. No. Had the funny pages newspaper taped to it for shade. The penny saver stuffed up there so the guy wouldn't get his bald head. The guy was flying the plane, looked like just some sort of comedy Mexican villain. Crazy shades and a huge handlebar mustache. It was crazy. Here's another thing I noticed too, as we were taking off out of LAX, a friend of mine pointed, look up the hall, look up the aisle there, looked up door to the cockpit, swinging wide open, just come on up. I really could have just Bob Barker at the end of the thing yelling, coming up. Literally the door swinging wide open. I'm looking at the back of the pilot through the entire takeoff. And same with On The Way Home too, just swinging wide open. I don't know if it doesn't close, it's broken.

14:57 Aries Spears At this point, I tend to care less about the quality of playing more than I do the quality of passenger.

15:04 Adam You know what I mean? I'm with you. I'm with you on that. But first off, really what it is, it's a one-two punch. It's like, look, this plane is going to be taken over by terrorists. The good news is, I don't think we're going to make it to our target. I think we have a mechanical failure before we get to the Smithsonian.

15:23 Drew Hang on a second, you turned up Adam.

15:24 Adam Oh, you turned me up.

15:25 Drew Adam's way too loud.

15:26 Adam Oh, there you go.

15:27 Drew The guy in the yellow.

15:28 Adam There we go.

15:29 Drew There we go. He's on it.

15:30 Adam Oh, Aries is on it.

15:31 Drew He needs to be more, a lot more heat on him. It's all the way up.

15:35 Aries Spears Any closer, it'd be a porno scene.

15:38 Adam I think, wait, now I'm down.

15:41 Drew That's good.

15:42 Adam Come on, buddy.

15:43 Drew More down on Adam.

15:45 Aries Spears Are these technical difficulties airing? Are people hearing this?

15:49 Adam This ain't TV. We don't have to worry about. Now we gotta be up a little more.

15:53 Drew There we are.

15:55 Adam That's alright. I never thought I'd miss engineer Chris. Boy, that ain't easy to do. Where is he?

16:03 Drew Where's Chris? That's where he went to Vegas. Staying at a friend's timeshare.

16:08 Adam Ten bucks an hour. He goes to Vegas.

16:10 Drew He's gotta escape his parents somehow.

16:11 Adam All I'm saying is mechanical failure once we landed in the middle of I don't know where.

16:17 Drew Was it a rocky landing or anything?

16:18 Adam No, landing was fine. Disconcerting looking at the back of the camper.

16:24 Drew Where did you land?

16:25 Adam We landed in the middle of Mexico somewhere. I don't even know where. And then mechanical failure, no other flights going out. And now it's time to kill six hours in an airport that really is like the size of a locker room. You know, just horrible food. The good news about Mexico is that they realize you need to drink in order to survive in their country. They're like, look, we're not going to kid you. This is a crappy country. You're going to need to be drunk to tolerate this. The good news is the beer is going to be cheap, the bars are going to be open, and if you need to take it out in the street, by all means. You know what I mean? We bought beer at a liquor store, Aries. We all pulled up into this little dump in La Paz, just dogs running around, cinder block, you know, whole thing, and we bought a whole bunch of beer, and the guy said, which one are you driving? And my buddy Tony said, I'm driving. He said, oh, okay, here, give me that. Takes a beer can, takes a Coke can shell and snaps it over a staccati can and hands it to him. There you go. You'll be behind the wheel.

17:27 Aries Spears You gotta improvise, man.

17:30 Adam We, I love that. Yeah, so evidently you cannot actually hold the beer while you're driving, but certainly you can do the Coke. I brought a few of those home if you need them. Oh, caught a 50 pound Dorado. It's crazy. Enough about me in Mexico. I feel, see, poor Aries, he shows up on the night I come back after four days with a ass full of stories.

17:55 Aries Spears Please don't, man.

17:56 Adam Yeah, so today, I gotta apologize, I got up at 6 a.m.

18:00 Aries Spears As did I.

18:01 Adam Oh, you did?

18:01 Aries Spears Yeah, I had to be at work at 730 so I'm in Rosita, so I gotta fight that hour long traffic.

18:07 Adam Oh, you had to be at Manned TV this morning?

18:12 Aries Spears Two hours, no, I had to do two hours of prosthetics to be Bill Cosby. So, you know, we gotta be on camera at 9. So, I gotta get in the chair at 730.

18:22 Adam Oh, brutal.

18:23 Aries Spears Yeah.

18:24 Adam Alright. You know, think about, I did Manned TV with Jimmy at one point.

18:28 Aries Spears Very funny, too.

18:29 Adam Oh, thanks, buddy.

18:30 Aries Spears Very funny.

18:31 Adam Manned TV gets some, not me and Jimmy, but they get some actually decent celebrities on that show.

18:37 Aries Spears Especially musically. You know, we've had everybody from Nelly to Nelly Furtado to Jay-Z and you know, Kathy Bates, Shaquille O'Neal, Halle Berry.

18:46 Adam Yeah, it's really weird. Like Kathy Bates and Halle Berry are popping up on Manned TV. Not that they shouldn't.

18:52 Aries Spears Susan Sarandon.

18:53 Adam Susan Sarandon. It's just it's weird. You see names on that show.

18:57 Drew I think everybody likes to participate in things that are good.

19:00 Aries Spears Thank you.

19:01 Adam What's Aries doing here then?

19:03 Aries Spears I don't do that.

19:04 Adam Not all the time.

19:05 Aries Spears There's a lot of wisdom on these mics, man.

19:07 Adam Alright, let's spread some of that wisdom. Let's go. Let's break it down now. Here we go. Brittany? You're 18? What's happening? Let me tell you another thing. I'll tell you another thing I love about Mexico.

19:22 Aries Spears You can get 18-year-olds?

19:23 Adam So laid back. 18 is considered an old maid over there. You know what I love about there? Landing in Mexico, going through customs, when they let you through the customs in the airport, they have this random thing where you press this button and if a red light lights up, you get pulled out and they check you. It's just a random spin of the wheel. They're going to stop every X amount of people that come through there. First guy in my group presses it, it's green. The guy goes, go through. Second guy presses it, it turns red. He looks at him for a minute and goes, go through. I come up and press it, it does nothing. He looks at me for a beat and goes, go through. So I'm trying to think, what possible scenario would they pull you out? The green you go through, the red you go through and the nothing. There's only three possible options to the pressing of the button.

20:08 Drew Guess what?

20:09 Adam You're going through. But you know what, and God bless Mexico for this, they look at you, they see a bunch of blue eyed guys with coolers and wearing stupid fishing stuff shirts and they go, these guys are going to spend some money. They don't have to pull them out and pat them down. They're not smuggling any kilos.

20:27 Aries Spears Were they only brothers in Mexico during this?

20:30 Adam No, no brothers in Mexico.

20:32 Aries Spears I'd have been curious to know if they got stopped by the light.

20:35 Adam Yeah, they could have been. Yeah, I got a feeling they may have been. There's no brothers in Mexico. No brothers in Mexico.

20:42 Drew Why would they, they wouldn't stop. No, Aries is right.

20:47 Aries Spears We get it everywhere we go.

20:48 Adam Aries is right. No, no. They try to hold the brother man down over there. Brittany?

20:53 Yes.

20:54 Adam Alright, you're 18. What's up?

20:56 Caller Well, my boyfriend is really intimidated by the fact that I like porn.

21:01 Drew What do you mean you like it?

21:03 Caller Well, I mean, I'm not like obsessed with it or anything, but we have talked about watching it together and we're renting a hotel this weekend and I mentioned maybe having it and he was like, what, I'm not good enough for you?

21:16 Drew No way. There's not a guy on earth that says that.

21:19 Caller I've never met that guy. He's 24 years old and I'm 18. And he is like very protective. He doesn't like me to look at other people and he just feels like really inferior to everything else that I like.

21:34 Aries Spears What is it about the porn that you're gravitated towards?

21:38 Caller Well, I mean it's just-

21:40 Aries Spears I mean what do you find most interesting about it? Cause that's what he might be intimidated by.

21:45 Caller I guess and I just talked to him about it and I just explained, you know, it's just other people having sex. It's not us, you know. It's different.

21:54 Drew And that's what I like about other people. Do you watch it and masturbate to it alone?

22:01 Caller I don't do it like a lot.

22:02 Aries Spears That's pretty normal.

22:03 Drew Yeah, no, but women don't generally do that unless they're with somebody that will include this, you know, with a relationship. No, women don't masturbate to porn.

22:13 Aries Spears But don't you feel like most guys would get excited to an extent about, hey, you know, she masturbates to porn? If you find yourself getting excited by the shots to the face, then he might feel a little intimidated.

22:25 Drew I just have not met the guy that you know.

22:27 Adam I'll tell you what guys get freaked out about. When women take control of their sexuality, they get a little weird. At first, it sounds great.

22:34 Drew Which guy is that, though?

22:35 Adam Well, here's what I'm saying. Most guys like it on a casual dating basis, like this chick's freaky, she wants to watch porn, she wants to do this, she wants to do that. Once they turn into a girlfriend and the girlfriend starts sort of calling the shots or pushing it along, saying, I want to do this or I want that, sometimes guys get a little freaked out by that. I don't know why. But somehow the person...

22:56 Drew Who is that guy though? Who is the thing? Can you identify who that guy is?

22:59 Adam I would say it is any guy that has a sort of moderate to conservative sex drive. Not necessarily drive, but sensibility.

23:08 Aries Spears But that being said, if the guy is 24 and she's 18 and he's figuring she's pretty young and maybe inexperienced, if she's really excited and into certain things about porn, like shots to the face, where does it go from there?

23:21 Adam Aries obsessed on the shots to the face.

23:24 Aries Spears No, but I mean, seriously, if she gets, that's why I want to know what aspect of porn does she like?

23:29 Drew She said I just like seeing other people have sex.

23:30 Adam She didn't really say that.

23:31 Aries Spears No, she really didn't.

23:32 Adam That's why I'm trying to find out what is it you like about it. She described porn. By the way, it's like you saying, what kind of cars do you like? The metal ones.

23:41 Drew Alright, you ask her. Women are not as explicit about this as men are.

23:45 Adam Oh, sure they are. She didn't give us, she just gives it very vague. Look, she said what porn was.

23:52 Aries Spears There's a lot of aspects to porn.

23:53 Adam That's right. Brittany?

23:55 Caller Yes.

23:56 Adam Drew, you shut up. What the, is there any specific part of porn you like? Any type of porn, for instance?

24:04 Caller Um, I mean, I like it kind of graphic.

24:08 Aries Spears See, shots to the face.

24:11 Caller No, I mean, just normal things, you know.

24:15 Aries Spears But what's normal? Cause a lot of stuff you see in porn isn't normal in sexual behavior. Like, for instance, you know, if I'm married, I want my wife to be freaky, but you know, if I know I can give her shots to the face, it's not the same.

24:29 Adam Yeah.

24:31 Drew Brittany, Brittany, so you just, as you said earlier, you just like seeing other people having sex. Right. Right.

24:36 Adam Oh, shut up, Drew. No, Aries asked a good question and she basically just, she just reiterated what pornography is, which is people having sex, and you watch it. She didn't give a specific answer. You're saying, I'm saying it's not satisfactory on this show.

24:53 Aries Spears He's pulling out notes.

24:54 Adam No, he won't get anything out of it. Believe me, there's nothing in there that's a penny saver from 1974. He pulls it, tries to pull it out every ten minutes and nothing comes out of it.

25:02 Aries Spears Men and women differ in what is this word?

25:06 Adam Brittany.

25:07 Drew No, listen, this is important.

25:09 Adam Hold on, how dare you try to get a brother to say amygdala?

25:13 Drew This is an article about how profoundly different the men and women response in their brain is to pornography.

25:19 Adam Ultimately, what is that saying?

25:22 Drew What it's saying is that women don't focus in on specific visual things at all.

25:27 Aries Spears Women are dirtier than men.

25:29 Adam Now, Drew reads, and by the way, what are you holding up, Drew? I'm not going to do the radio show for you.

25:34 Drew An article from Nature Neuroscience about how the functional MRI scans showing how profoundly different the male and the female neurological response to sexual stimuli.

25:45 Adam This one likes porn.

25:46 Drew But when they like it, their brain looks at it differently, responds to it differently, there's no drive attached to it. It's a whole different biological event.

25:54 Adam Then there's plenty that have I'm not saying they don't like it or are aroused by it.

25:58 Drew Even when they do like it, they look at it in a different way.

26:00 Adam I know, but here's someone I'm going to ask, Brittany.

26:03 Caller Yeah.

26:04 Adam She's still on. I swear to God. I'm going to strangle everyone tonight. Brittany. Is she there?

26:10 Drew There we are. Brittany.

26:13 Adam I'm going to ask you a question. If you say it doesn't matter, I'm coming out to Minnesota on Arrow, California. Three stops later. I'm going to have a piece of the plane land on your house as we fly over. Now listen to me. I got three porn movies. One of them is Taboo Chocolate Love. That's the hot blonde chick. Is he making this up? No, I got these ones with the well-hung black man. The other is the Where the Boys Aren't series. It's just a lesbian. It's just a chick lezzin off. All right? And the other is just straight, you know, guy-chick sex. Which one? Which?

26:57 Caller Well, I'm the first one and the second one, you know, I am turned on by black men. Uh-oh.

27:06 Aries Spears Is your boyfriend white? Is he white? Okay, that's the start.

27:11 Caller That's the start.

27:16 Adam Yeah, what I'm saying is, is if you have your choice, if you're looking at some pornos that you might rent or buy or take home, you'll find one that seems to suit your personal species, right?

27:28 Caller It's nothing too kinky or like, you know, I just like to watch people have sex and if there's a person in it, it's a lot better, you know?

27:36 Aries Spears Okay, that being said, let me ask you, is your boyfriend, is he well hung? Is he hung better than the brothers you're looking at? Now, if you're sitting with a man and you are more aroused by what you see on TV than the man sitting next to you, you're messing with ego, so that's a start. But then I'm still trying to find out, do you scream yay when the shots to the face come?

28:05 Adam Yes. There we go. There we go.

28:07 Aries Spears We have gotten to the root of your problem.

28:10 Adam That's right.

28:11 Aries Spears You got it.

28:12 Adam Now, Brittany, we're going to let you go, but any abuse or anything in the past, another thing is when a chick starts getting a little freaky, guys respond in a certain negative way because they realize, uh oh, this is what her step-dad did to her 14 years ago. Now it's coming home to root. And guys get a little freaked out about it.

28:31 Drew I'm not going to encourage that so much.

28:32 Adam Sometimes guys will start resisting. When a girl says, hey, how about we tie each other up? The guy starts thinking, uh uh.

28:39 Drew I also agree with you. I think the high drive female with a low drive male could be a little overwhelming to the guy.

28:44 Adam Anything weird from the past we need to know about?

28:47 Aries Spears No, nothing.

28:53 Adam You're motivated and your guy isn't.

28:54 Aries Spears I never meet these sexually motivated women. Every woman I meet is a born again virgin.

29:00 Adam They're all in Minnesota, by the way. Alright, let's uh, Drew is a man of passion, you know her plight. Samantha? Yeah. You're 15?

29:13 Aries Spears We shouldn't even take this call.

29:14 Adam You're a virgin? She's a virgin. That's alright.

29:18 Drew Go ahead, real quick, Samantha.

29:19 Caller Okay, my question is, when I grow older or whatever and I start having sex, will it affect my blood sugar?

29:25 Caller Because I'm a diabetic.

29:28 Aries Spears Well, that depends. Do you plan to uh...

29:31 Drew No, it has no effect on blood sugar.

29:32 Aries Spears Do you plan to uh...

29:33 Drew How's your glycemic control now?

29:35 Adam Oh, come on.

29:36 Aries Spears Do you swallow that?

29:37 Drew How's your sugar control now?

29:38 Caller It's pretty good.

29:40 Drew It's tight?

29:41 Caller Yeah.

29:41 Drew You have good control, everything's fine, you have no complications, you ever had DKA? Diabetic Ketoacidosis.

29:48 Aries Spears How would anyone know that?

29:49 Drew It's just for her. Alright, so we'll have to know if there's about 8 calories, maybe 6 calories in sperm.

29:58 Aries Spears As a man, you shouldn't even quote that.

30:00 Drew When I talk to my daughter, I'm going to say there's 4000 calories.

30:04 Adam Yeah, better to be low-cal.

30:06 Aries Spears When do you break out that news? Just before she gets ready to do it, do you know that there's 4000 calories in my juice?

30:13 Adam You want to slow her down. That's all. No, here's what you do. You want to let them know that it's high carb and high calorie.

30:23 Drew High fat.

30:24 Adam And it's going right to your hips.

30:27 Drew To all the children.

30:29 Adam Right. Yeah. Alright, where are we? We're taking a break? Alright, Erica has random spontaneous orgasms every so often. Let's know if that's normal. Who else? Aries Spears is here tonight. You know him from Mad TV seasons? Eight seasons? Going on eight. Eight seasons of Mad TV. 11 o'clock Saturday night. Also, new CD. I Ain't Scared. It is out. You can get it via his website.

31:00 Aries Spears ariesspears.com.

31:02 Adam Yeah.

31:02 Aries Spears 866- 528-3619 is the number you can call to have your life change forever.

31:11 Adam Perfect. In a good way though, right?

31:12 Aries Spears Very much so.

31:14 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

31:23 Loveline is brought to you by the Sony Network Walkman Player with up to 30 hours battery life. Sony like no other.

31:36 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Aries Spears is here tonight.

31:44 Aries Spears Yes, yes, yes.

31:45 Adam You know him from Mad TV since going into its eighth season and also 11 o'clock on Fox Saturday nights. And you see him quite a bit on Best Damn Sports Show.

31:58 Aries Spears Yes.

31:59 Adam Have himself a CD out called I Ain't Scared. And then we're gonna hear something from Aries very soon, although it is not off of that CD. It is another CD.

32:10 Aries Spears It is actually a bonus CD that's gonna be coming out The bonus CD. Within a couple of months, which will inspire people to get the double CD, I Ain't Scared, available at my website, ariesspears.com, at 866-528-3619. Was that a smooth enough plug?

32:26 Drew That was good.

32:26 Adam That was silky.

32:27 Drew I didn't notice it was a plug.

32:28 Adam No, didn't feel it.

32:30 Aries Spears No?

32:30 Adam No, that's what you heard.

32:31 Drew No, I heard it, heard it, perfect.

32:33 Aries Spears Thank you. As they're lying to me. Thank you.

32:36 Adam You're like a great proctologist. Is the finger in, Doc? We're done.

32:40 Aries Spears Oh my God.

32:41 Adam We're done. We hear that glove coming off, like what? Was it in? We did it? That's nice. Really, that's the best part of life when you really don't know stuff was done to you. Know what I mean? No, I mean there's certain-

32:54 Aries Spears That's a deep conversation.

32:56 Adam Think about it, think about it, man. That's heavy. Speaking of doing stuff, I caught myself a 50-pound Dorado in Mexico about a day ago. That's a big fish. You know what a Dorado looks like?

33:08 Aries Spears No, I actually thought it was a kind of Cadillac.

33:10 Drew It's like a big triangle.

33:12 Adam Yeah, big crazy-headed fight. Jumping out of the water. Wow. Jumping out of the water. Rigging my drag line, fighting chair.

33:21 Aries Spears Brothers don't-

33:22 Adam They don't fish.

33:23 Aries Spears We don't mess with fish till it's fried.

33:24 Adam Let me explain something about the brothers in fishing. Uh-oh. Brothers do a ton of lake fishing, but they ain't into the ocean fishing. True.

33:33 Aries Spears No, it's something about that big boat trip.

33:36 Adam Yeah.

33:36 Aries Spears 400 years ago.

33:37 Adam No, they don't like to get back. The sea, first off, it's a fickle mistress, as I've learned. But yeah, it brings up bad memories, Drew. Why'd you bring that up? But the lake, there's no negative association with the lake. That's nothing but catfish.

33:54 Aries Spears It's easy.

33:55 Adam Yeah.

33:55 Aries Spears It's easy.

33:56 Adam Yeah, I went fishing with the fridge once.

33:59 Aries Spears William Perry?

34:00 Adam William Perry. And my god, all that. Fridge, by the way, you know how dumb white guys get into surfing and it becomes like a drug? Dumb black guys get into fishing and it becomes like a drug. It's like all they can talk about is fridges.

34:14 Aries Spears Listen, that is a misconception. That is a misconception. The only reason why brothers don't do a lot of the things that white boys do that is considered extreme is because they ain't no money in it.

34:24 Adam That's right.

34:25 Aries Spears Believe me, if they paid brothers to surf, would they pay them to play NBA?

34:29 Adam No, they would learn.

34:30 Aries Spears We would master that too.

34:31 Adam No, I'm just saying, yeah, you can't. And also the fridge is now eating, you know, his bounty that comes from the lake. But I mean, all he wanted to talk about is fishing. And that's why we were fishing. He wanted to talk about fishing. It was nonstop, obsessed with fishing. Wow.

34:48 Aries Spears Yeah.

34:49 Adam When you become obsessed with fishing, it's really what you're saying is, is I'm now done doing anything. Like I'm obsessed with drinking beer and relaxing. That's what you're saying. And fishing is a good title for really this is it.

35:01 Aries Spears But that's a good place to be in your life.

35:04 Adam Oh, it is, yeah.

35:04 Aries Spears Because usually people that fish are not worried about the rent.

35:08 Adam No.

35:08 Aries Spears So I would love to be able to fish someday.

35:10 Adam No, usually because they don't have any. They live at the dock in a refrigerator box. Yeah, best thing about the fridge is hands the size of baseball mitts and a huge ring. I don't think it was a Super Bowl ring, it was just a massive ring. And you know, we drank 300 beers while we were fishing for nine hours. And every one, he just opens with the one paw and the huge ring. You hand him the beer, he just popped. It's like, you know that thing on the Coke, the old Coke machine, you just do that? That's the fridge's hand. Fridge, give me your hand. Just put his hand, pop. Thing goes down into. I think actually, there's actually a flap of skin in his forearm that collects the caps. He's actually grown one. Nice. Yeah, nice, good people. And I'll tell you, when that guy gets into the boat, you notice a little 12 foot aluminum sided little dinghy. He climbs into that thing. It moves just a little bit. Erica? You're 14? You have random spontaneous orgasms? True. Yeah, it can be normal.

36:12 Drew Well, you know who gave us the talk about that was Nicole Richie, remember she had the same thing.

36:16 Adam Yeah.

36:17 Drew She said she couldn't sit on a cold bathroom floor, pow.

36:19 Adam She's a woman of extreme passion.

36:21 Drew And this is, and Erica, women have a broad range of response. Some women have multiple orgasms really easily and some can never have them. It's just, each one is kind of different biologically.

36:32 Aries Spears At 14, how are you able to have orgasms like that?

36:35 I don't know.

36:37 Drew How is it, you don't know? Describe one when you have it. What circumstance is it?

36:42 I don't know.

36:46 Drew Will you be like stretching your legs or something? That's pretty vague. She does nothing. Well usually they're talking to the stomach muscles. Multiple orgasm women can have orgasms from minimal stimulation. Even just muscle contract.

36:58 Aries Spears What is it that you're doing that's causing you to, you don't know?

37:01 Adam They're not doing anything.

37:03 Drew No, they just happen.

37:03 Adam They just happen.

37:04 Drew She's probably in fact contractual muscle injury. Yeah.

37:07 Aries Spears Oh, well.

37:08 Adam Yeah.

37:08 Drew They're not even associated with sexual thoughts necessarily.

37:10 Aries Spears So you could just be anywhere, it's like sitting on a bus and you'll break out with moans?

37:14 Drew No, they don't. you will start respond ickurely to you'll start verbalizing things. We got the thing with ickure going out again.

37:24 Adam Yes, that's right. And it's like i said, it's a combination like not only that we have problems with ickure but our listeners are ickure say a six second tax. Usually ickure say, how old are it?

38:11 Aries Spears That's always funny.

38:12 Adam You ruined it for Aries.

38:14 Drew We can just pick that up. We just know it when we feel it.

38:17 Adam Yeah, well, you got that little girl voice. What happened, baby doll?

38:20 Caller All right, when my boyfriend and I have sex, I used to be able to have multiple orgasms in any different position. But now, I can only have an orgasm when I'm on top of him, And he's doing the reach around.

38:36 Adam Uh-huh.

38:38 Aries Spears Are any of these kids having sex at 21 anymore?

38:41 Adam No.

38:41 Aries Spears I got a five-year-old.

38:42 Adam No.

38:43 Aries Spears This is scary to me.

38:44 Adam No, your kid's got a good three years before they become active.

38:48 Drew Yeah, it should be scary.

38:49 Aries Spears Fathers, you gotta be there. You gotta read to them.

38:54 Adam What's the reach around part when you're on top? Are you facing the other way?

38:58 Caller No, he's putting his finger in my butt.

39:02 Adam Oh, in your butt?

39:04 Aries Spears 19.

39:05 Drew How quaint, how quaint.

39:06 Adam I don't know. And so you need the stimulation in order to have the orgasm. Yeah?

39:17 Aries Spears Evidently, that's true.

39:19 Adam You used to be able to have it in other positions.

39:22 Caller Yeah.

39:22 Drew Well, one of the things about sexual abuse is that you can go from being hypersexual to hyposexual. You can sort of have a bipolar quality.

39:29 Aries Spears I want to know what age were you when the finger got in the butt? When did you first experience finger in the butt?

39:38 Caller 18?

39:41 Drew 18.

39:42 Aries Spears Does your father play an active role in your life?

39:45 Caller I don't know my dad. Go on.

39:47 Aries Spears There we go.

39:47 Drew Of course. Of course.

39:48 Aries Spears There we go.

39:48 Adam There we go.

39:49 Drew No, that's the requisite history.

39:51 Aries Spears That's horrible.

39:52 Adam Yeah. I know. By the way, all right, let's talk about this. As a society, we're not so interested in the dad's hanging out and okay, okay, let's talk about this. Here's my take on life. We don't have to worry as a society. I don't have to worry about your kid. I don't have to worry about Drew's kids. I don't really have to worry about kids whose parents stay together or whose fathers stay around or there's no physical violence or sexual abuse. There's no verbal abuse. Kids that are cared for, in other words. I'm not saying they can't go south. Some white collar crime or they get strung out on drugs or something.

40:29 Drew Or there's a neurological problem with drugs. Yeah, right.

40:31 Adam I'm not going to get stabbed at the ATM by one of these kids. Do you see what I'm saying?

40:36 Drew Most probably.

40:37 Adam These kids aren't filling up our prisons.

40:39 Drew Let's start with the stripper. That's an easier...

40:43 Adam They're not stripping. They're not doing porn movies. They're not filling up the prisons. They're not unemployed. They're not whatever. I don't have to worry about your kid and I don't have to worry about Drew's kid. But we do have to worry about the tons of kids that come from these horrible environments where the dad's absent and the mother's 19 and on her third kid and all that. That's the farm leak for all that is wrong in this society. All the people in prison, all the people on unemployment, all the people who drop out of high school, all the teen pregnancies. This is the farm leak, the broken, screwed up family. And look, everyone turns this thing into some sort of racial thing or socioeconomic thing. I'm not talking about what religion you are, what color you are, how much money you make. I'm just talking about a family raising a child. I don't care if it's an apartment or a palace. Just staying together, being there and taking care of the child. And somehow as a society, we've lost sight of this and we're just focused on well, what kind of programs do we have for the prisoners? What kind of programs do we have for the unemployed? What kind of programs do we have for the kids that are dropping out of high school? How about taking it back a couple of notches and trying to get people to stop cranking out the kids with the F'd up families, with the abuse, with the abandonment? Don't you think we could solve many of the problems that we have today if we just take a look at that? And why are we unwilling to take a look at that? And how do we not draw the correlation between that?

42:18 Drew How about just gently support that? Because it's axiomatic, it's well known in medical and psychological circles. It's not debated. It is. And you know if you listen to this show, it's all we talk about. How about we just support the notion or educate about that or create taxes that push people to do the right thing?

42:39 Adam I don't know.

42:39 Aries Spears I think he said it. You gotta be there from day one and you gotta take care of your kid and tell him you love him.

42:45 Drew But how do we as a society put forces in place that encourage people to do that? Or even have public discussions about what we're talking about tonight. Right. No one talks about it.

42:54 Aries Spears No.

42:55 Adam We got a big campaign coming up and everyone wants to talk about pharmaceuticals and you know buying prescription drugs from Canada and saving 35 percent.

43:06 Drew Tax structure.

43:06 Adam Tax structures. And it's never, it's like look, I wish a guy would stand up and go look, there's things we care about as a society, we want to get rid of crime, you know, we want to get rid of overpopulation, we want to get rid of unemployment, we want to get rid of the prisons being filled up, we want to get rid of violence and gang violence and all this stuff. Here's a way to do it. Everybody have a small brood, no more than you can take care of, two, three kids, mom and dad stay together, love the kids, nurture the kid, read to the kid, boom. All of a sudden nobody's in prison. There's nobody there. Because people act like it's some sort of random thing, like, well Drew's kids or Aries kids could end up in prison just as easily as one of these kids whose dad took off and beat the crap out of them before he left and were basically raised on the front porch of their aunt's house. No way, there's no way Drew's kids go into the joint, there's no way your kids go into the joint.

44:05 Aries Spears You got to bring back family beatings. Yeah. Got to bring back family beatings.

44:09 Adam You got to start being, dads have to.

44:11 Aries Spears I got to beat Drew's kids if Drew's kids is messing up.

44:14 Adam That's what we got to do.

44:15 Drew But then I got to go after his, you see it's totally fair.

44:17 Aries Spears If they mess up, you're supposed to knock them out. Right. We got to beat each other's kids up.

44:21 Adam That's a good point. And dads, you need to stay around long enough to beat the crap out of your kids. You're missing out on one of the greatest parts of parenthood which is really like dropping an elbow on your kid.

44:33 Aries Spears They call it abuse but it really is tough love and at the end of the day your kids will respect you for it.

44:40 Adam Yeah they do. They do and nothing gets their attention like the belt. I remember my dad. He would take that belt off and his pants would fall down and I would laugh.

44:51 Drew And boy was that a good time.

44:52 Adam That was it. That was the end. Yeah. My dad spanked me one time and that's because I basically told him to.

44:59 Drew I need a spanking.

45:00 Adam No. He said, you want to stay in your room for two hours? Do you want to spank it? And I was like, I took my dad's a puss, you know, I size that guy up when I was nine. I was like, what do you weigh? Buck 35, Buck 10. Come on, old man. Good. Give it your best shot. Anything but sit in that crappy room for two hours. No TV or, you know, no computer in the room back then, you know, so get busy. And then he gave me one of those beatings that was like, I got it now. I've been taunted. I got to do it because he told me to do it. I got to make sure. Show you. So he went nuts. That's good times. I don't hold it against him. That's beauty. No. No hard feelings. No hard feelings. All right. So what have we learned? Aries Spears is on ManTV and everyone should beat their kids and should log on to his website and get a CD. That's right. And we're going to hear something off the bonus CD when we come back after this, dude, you got issues. One nine one.

46:00 Aries Spears Don't worry about it.

46:04 Drew I just know how to do it.

46:05 Adam That's good.

46:08 Drew That's what your wife is.

46:09 Adam That's true.

46:09 Drew That's healthy. The way I am?

46:11 Adam Yeah.

46:12 Drew I'm not that way. I freak about it. I can tell her.

46:14 Adam You're uptight, but she ends up doing it anyway.

46:17 Drew My wife?

46:17 Adam Yeah. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Aries Spears here tonight from ManTV. 11 o'clock Saturday night on Fox. And I ain't scared. Name of the CD. Yeah. Now, do we have a cut off of the bonus CD?

46:37 Aries Spears Sure we do.

46:38 Adam Is it queued up?

46:39 Aries Spears Want me to set it up?

46:40 Adam Yeah, set it up.

46:41 Aries Spears Okay, so basically I'm on the road and I'm touring and stuff. And I'm in Jacksonville, Florida. So I'm at this urban hip hop station. And I'm basically telling the listeners that we've got Jay-Z and DMX in the building because I do a lot of impressions. And a la American Idol, if you can rap and you're good, I'm going to sign you to a record deal and make you a star. So being that people are desperate to be somebody, I exploit them and see how far I can get them to go and how low.

47:14 Adam And as Jay-Z. Here we go.

47:21 Aries Spears Did he cue it up right?

47:22 Aries Spears Yo, the beat, what's up, who this? Alias, you trying to get down with my man, Jay Hova? He's in the building. What's up? Yeah, man.

47:29 Aries Spears What's up, man? It's your boy, Young Hova in the building.

47:31 Aries Spears What up? What up?

47:32 Aries Spears What's going on, man?

47:33 Aries Spears Yeah, man. I'm the hottest in Jacksonville, guaranteed.

47:37 Aries Spears Is that right?

47:38 Aries Spears That's right. All right.

47:39 Aries Spears Well, you know, we trying to change the rockaway up a little bit. You know what I mean? We trying to bring a little bit of versatility to our game and our style. So I mean, we're not just looking for rappers. We're looking for cats that could just do something special with the rap. Uh-huh. Like if we signed you to a contract, you'd be willing to rap on stage in front of like thousands of people?

47:57 Aries Spears No problem.

47:58 Aries Spears Would you be willing to do it in a banana skirt?

48:00 Aries Spears No problem. Anything. I love music, man.

48:03 Aries Spears You know what I mean? I mean, that's the challenge, though. We wanted you to be as lyrically dope as you could be, but we want to offer something different to the audience. So, you know, we got these new line of rockaway banana skirts and it basically it's like, you know, underwear but in a skirt and you got to rhyme in just a banana skirt and flip-flops.

48:20 Aries Spears I don't care, man. Music is my life.

48:22 Aries Spears You be with that?

48:23 Aries Spears Music is my life. All right.

48:25 Aries Spears That's what's up. That's what's up. Let me hear you spit something.

48:27 Aries Spears I'm moving my people in the game like a moving shield. Size 13, S-Dots. I have some big shoes to fill. It's kind of sickening to see equipment. Put the numbers up.

48:37 Aries Spears All right. All right.

48:38 Aries Spears Yo.

48:38 Aries Spears Here's what I want you to do. Like, spit a little bit, but in between every, like, couple bars, like, say something like real crazy, like, you know what I mean? Like a, like a, you know, like a dog noise or a bark.

48:50 Aries Spears Yeah. We in the game now. We tearing the game out. You see it. You can't with us. We something. We shooting niggas down with the game. And y'all gonna hear us because we moving through and y'all gonna see how we y'all gonna see how we take this down. Even everybody here. You didn't like us now.

49:13 Aries Spears Throw it. Throw it. Can you throw in a horse sound?

49:15 Aries Spears All right. Live and direct. We moving here to set. Jersey place at best. J moved to set.

49:29 Aries Spears Yo, that's what's up in the building. See you a different artist. You who we looking for. We looking for versatility.

49:36 Aries Spears All right, man. Yo, tell them what station holding it down. 92 points.

49:40 Adam Yeah. Well, what station was holding it down? Aries Spears. Without you.

50:14 Aries Spears Right, exactly. Looking and imitating a horse.

50:17 Adam Yeah, he did take direction, though. So that is gonna be on the bonus.

50:22 Aries Spears Bonus CD, which will be out nd a couple of months.

50:24 Adam That's right. Megan.

50:25 Caller Yes?

50:26 Adam You're 18?

50:27 Caller Yes. I just have a question. Like, I don't know, ever since I was like 14, I've always been like super horny and everything towards, like... Aries Spears. Yeah, he did take direction though. So that is going to be on the bonus. That's right. I don't know, ever since I was 14, I've always been super horny and everything towards masturbating and with guys or whatnot. I lost it after I got out of high school and everything. And then about not too long ago, I just seriously stopped being horny and stuff and I have no reason that I can even think of why I would stop being horny and it just bugs me.

51:05 Aries Spears Because you eventually want to get to heaven.

51:08 Drew Are you in a relationship?

51:10 Caller No, that one that I was in just recently ended not too long ago.

51:14 Drew Was it a bad ending?

51:16 Caller No, not too bad.

51:17 Drew Have you been depressed? Are you on any medication?

51:21 Caller No.

51:22 Drew You don't take pro-depro shot or anything like that?

51:25 Caller No.

51:26 Adam She said he was living with you?

51:27 Drew Yeah.

51:28 Caller Like my mom took him in.

51:30 Caller He was my swim coach and my mom took him in.

51:33 Adam Swim coach.

51:34 Caller Yeah, just like our swim coaches out here are like high school students and then like as soon as they graduate then they start being our swim coaches.

51:43 Aries Spears You know, Adam, I know that you said earlier that you didn't want to make it seem like it was a racial thing, but I got to tell you, first of all, I'm listening to all these kids, it's late at night, they're on the phone and they're talking about being whores.

51:59 Adam That's right.

51:59 Aries Spears There's no way I could be on the phone this late at night, first of all, and then talking about this kind of stuff, we're not waking up in a coma. What is going on in these houses?

52:09 Adam Yeah. Your dad would have a specially made belt that weighed 30 pounds, like a bucket, a buckle on it the size of a dumpster, just to drop on you. You have to use like a cherry picker to raise it up and then you drop it on your ass. Now, here's the thing. By the way, just on the sexual.

52:31 Drew But Megan only has had one boyfriend and she loses her virginity at 14.

52:37 Adam But just from a guy's standpoint, being the swim coach, watching somebody turn thousands of laps in that little one-piece Speedo the chicks wear and then getting to them one day, that's a payday. You know what I mean? It's one thing you go out drunk, you're drunk, you're clubbing.

52:53 Drew What's with the mom bringing the guy in though?

52:55 Adam I'm just saying, sexually, as a guy, watching a chick turn a few thousand laps in a swimming pool and then getting her, big payday. Yes?

53:04 Drew Yes.

53:05 Adam Yes? Better than the drunken floozies you normally pick up on the road, Drew.

53:09 Aries Spears But the coach is obviously an adult.

53:12 Drew No, he's 18. He's a high school kid.

53:14 Adam Same age.

53:14 Aries Spears But she's 14.

53:15 Drew No, she's 18.

53:16 Adam She's been horny since 14. She's 18 now.

53:20 Drew Reasonably.

53:21 Adam Megan?

53:21 Yeah?

53:22 Adam He was the same age as you are?

53:24 Caller He was only a year and a half older. He and I went to the same high school for a long time before I left you.

53:29 Adam And your mom took him in.

53:30 Yeah.

53:31 Drew That's kind of weird, isn't it?

53:33 Yeah.

53:33 Aries Spears Did he bang moms?

53:35 Caller What?

53:36 Drew Nothing.

53:36 Adam Then then sex at the house? Was your mom aware of that?

53:42 Caller We were pretty good. We tried not to do it at the house just because like...

53:46 Aries Spears Did you succeed?

53:47 Drew Not actually in front of mom.

53:48 Caller Yeah.

53:49 Drew Right.

53:49 Caller We tried to keep it secret. We didn't offend her or anything.

53:53 Adam All right. Hold on a second, Megan. All right. And I don't know what happened to you, by the way, and sometimes people just have little peaks and valleys.

54:01 Drew Or she's one of these bipolar types.

54:03 Adam Well, hold on a second. Aries Spears here tonight, Mad TV, 11 o'clock, Saturday nights on Fox. I Ain't Scared, name of the CD, we'll take a quick break. We'll get back with Megan and then we'll talk to Annie. Five months pregnant, can't quit smoking. I like that. Talk to her after this.

54:21 Here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

54:25 Adam One call is all you need to make.

54:27 Call the Dateline.

54:28 Drew 877-889-DATE. Call the Dateline.

54:53 Aries Spears That would be the Jay-Z portion of the show, right?

54:56 Adam It's for you, my friend.

54:57 Aries Spears Thank you.

54:58 Aries Spears Two, one, and go.

55:00 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Aries Spears here tonight. You know, I'm from MAD-TV. Also, sometimes, Best Damn Sports Show. I Ain't Scared, name of the new CD. You can go to www.ariespears.com and pick it up. Yes. Yeah. By the way, Best Damn Sports Show is going to be showing the James Toney fight, who you remind me of.

55:33 Aries Spears Don't say that. That's not a compliment.

55:35 Adam No, it's not. But, well, he's a fantastic athlete. You got that going.

55:39 Aries Spears That's a horrible con. James Toney looks like a gorilla. From the movie Congo.

55:47 Adam You look like a nice James Toney.

55:49 Aries Spears Thank you. I'm a nice ape. I appreciate that. Have you ever heard him speak?

55:54 Adam Well, yes, I have. But he was drunk, so I'm not...

55:57 Aries Spears No, that's... Yeah, well, you get hit in the head enough.

56:05 Adam It slows you down.

56:06 Aries Spears The man called me James Toney.

56:09 Drew Not from the standpoint of how he expresses himself or who he is as a person.

56:16 Adam What in the world? I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. Yeah, you have some similar features. No, listen, first off, you are the Denzel Washington of James Toney. First off, you are the best looking James Toney.

56:33 Aries Spears What about James Toney physically?

56:37 Adam You both have a strong, stout, physique. First off, I'm going here because it's in my head that he's fighting his next fight is going to be on the Best Am Sports Show. I know last time I was on that show, I sat across from you. I associate you with that. I don't know, how tall are you, Aries?

57:02 Aries Spears About 5'10, 5'11, depending on the script.

57:06 Adam And what do you go, weight-wise?

57:08 Aries Spears I'm about 2'15.

57:11 Adam That's Tony when he's in shape. He's walking around about 2'50. He's got a little extra weight on him right now, but he's getting it off. Same basic physique and high cheekbones. Pull that on the internet. Find a nice shot of James.

57:30 Aries Spears I'm a fight fanatic. I already know what James Tony. He looks like Congo in the mist.

57:37 Adam Maybe before he has 70-something fights. You can look like somebody without looking as bad as they do.

57:47 Aries Spears You are so in the trenches right now.

57:51 Adam I don't think of him as a bad-looking man.

57:53 Aries Spears James Tony?

57:55 Adam He looked like he raped somebody. That's his game face. He's a warrior. You're a warrior. That's what I'm saying. You're a comedic warrior. That's all I'm saying.

58:07 Aries Spears I like you, man.

58:09 Adam Same muscular physique. That's what I'm saying. Strong, intimidating presence.

58:14 Drew Megan was having an orgasm problem.

58:15 Adam Men fear him. Women desire him. Do you understand?

58:20 Aries Spears Digging himself into the hole.

58:22 Drew Megan, so all of a sudden you weren't interested in sex anymore. Yeah. I mentioned a couple of calls ago that sometimes when people have been sexually abused, they can kind of go from very high levels to very low levels of sexual desire. Is that you? Okay. Wait, wait. Do you have any history of bipolar depression?

58:44 Caller Not me, no.

58:45 Drew Some of your family have that?

58:46 Caller I'm not sure about my mom.

58:49 Caller Sometimes I think maybe, but I don't know.

58:51 Drew And you've not been in drugs, you're on no medication, you have no medical problems? No. You're just going through a phase.

58:58 Caller I was just wondering, is there anything that you can do like any...

59:02 Drew No, exercise. Exercise and build your relationships. You'll be surprised.

59:10 Adam Good times. Let me tell you something else the black man can do that the white man can't.

59:14 Aries Spears Oh man, I got a feeling there's going to be an assault in this room pretty soon.

59:18 Adam James Tony. Great fighter. Gotta be, I don't know, probably...

59:24 Drew You got his picture up there?

59:24 Adam 57 and 6 or something.

59:27 Drew This is unbelievable.

59:28 Adam Maybe 61 and 3 or something like that. Drew, take a look. Be fair now. Be fair. The point is...

59:37 Aries Spears He already made the face.

59:38 Adam Let me see. Hold on a second.

59:39 Aries Spears Drew, give it to me straight.

59:42 Adam Oh, that's tough. That's a profile. You gotta look... Drew. You gotta look straight on. You gotta see straight on. You gotta see straight on, Drew. Get a nice head shot there. Alright, here's what I want. I want to pay the black man a compliment and say this. James Atoni, when I saw him fight at the Olympic Auditorium about 10 years ago, started off campaigning as like a middleweight. I mean, like one... Probably fighting like 158, 164. He's now 250 and fighting as a heavyweight. And fine. Now, he probably will fight more like 225, 230. White guy couldn't do that. White guy couldn't be 155 pounds. If he got to 255, he would be a blob. He'd go into the ring, he'd vomit, he'd defecate, he'd have a heart attack, he'd fall over. He couldn't go 12 good rounds. You know what I'm saying? We can't do that.

1:00:36 Aries Spears To hell with all that. What's your verdict?

1:00:39 Drew I don't see it yet.

1:00:40 Adam Find a nice headshot.

1:00:42 Aries Spears James Atoni.

1:00:43 Drew Is that him?

1:00:46 Adam No, that's not him. I don't think that's him. Well, find a flattering shot of the man. Alright, Drew, back over here. Find a good shot.

1:00:57 Aries Spears Find a shot of James Atoni.

1:00:58 Adam You've got to find a shot of his head. I'm just saying, here's what I'm doing. There may be a James Atoni story one day.

1:01:06 Aries Spears And I'm the guy to play it.

1:01:08 Adam I'm just saying.

1:01:10 Drew Here's what's happening guys. Atoni's got this real prominent ridge over his eyes. And I think that hat screwed Adam up.

1:01:15 Adam Maybe that's what it is. Maybe that's what it is. Thank you. He's got the raised brow. He's got the raised ridge there. It's alright. He's got a little speed bump there. It's a form of head protection. Alright. Is there a white guy that could go from 150 to 250 and still be a great fighter? Couldn't do it, right? Just go in there all pink. Start turning red. Fall over. I'm 190 pounds. And if I get to 198 and I take my shirt off, I start lactating. Like I can't carry around an extra 10 pounds. I would fall apart. You know what I'm saying? White guy can't put on 80 pounds and take his shirt off. It's a disaster. Unless he's on the juice or something. Alright. Let's talk to Mike who's 21. Mike?

1:02:13 How's it going?

1:02:13 Adam What's happening?

1:02:17 I want to ask Dr. Drew what the harmful effects of not having a strong motherly figure in my kid's life.

1:02:23 Drew What do you mean a strong motherly figure?

1:02:25 I'm a single father. His mom's been out of the picture for quite a while now.

1:02:31 Adam His mom?

1:02:34 Drew Of course it's going to affect him.

1:02:35 Adam I have issues with women.

1:02:37 Drew Absolutely.

1:02:39 And on the adverse effect of that is how do I go about dating and introducing my son to that?

1:02:47 Drew You don't bring anybody around unless you're sure she's going to stay. And in the meantime, you help him develop a relationship with some adult female. Whether it's an aunt or somebody that he can connect with over a long term. The fact that the mom is gone doesn't condemn him to mental illness and doesn't condemn him to dysfunctional relationships. But it's going to be a significant issue in his life.

1:03:14 Adam I don't know. He's got a beard. Take a picture. He's looking jovial at least.

1:03:22 Drew So Mike, what was wrong with mom? Did she die or something?

1:03:27 You know, during his pregnancy they started prescribing Vicodin to her and such. And it ended up being 70 trips to the hospital in 8 months. My son ended up born a month early and then it just kind of went on from there after she gave birth.

1:03:43 Drew So she's an opiate addict. Is she getting treatment?

1:03:47 No, not that I know of. I actually just finally got full custody of him back in June.

1:03:53 Drew Well, the best, really the best thing for him would be if she could get treatment.

1:03:57 Adam Or start working on that elaborate lie. Nurse, Desert Shield, 92. I don't know how the math works out. Let's make it desert storm, wherever the hell we're in now. The point is, nurse, grenade came into the mess hall, she threw herself on it, took herself out.

1:04:18 Drew Tell my son I love him.

1:04:20 Adam That's her last words.

1:04:21 Aries Spears So just so I understand, what exactly is the problem with the kid?

1:04:25 Drew Opioid addict.

1:04:26 Adam Wants to know what to look forward to. Well, let's talk about this for a second. The son that doesn't have the mom, you can look forward to sort of weird relationships with women usually.

1:04:37 Aries Spears Well, Kobe.

1:04:38 Adam Intimacy problems.

1:04:41 Drew But more so, intimacy problems, yes, and also problems regulating emotions sometimes. That mom provides a certain kind of reflective function in emotional development that dads sometimes can't. And unless they get an adequate dose of that, they don't build...

1:04:57 Aries Spears How old is the son?

1:04:59 Drew They don't build the regulatory machinery so the intensity and the duration of feelings get impaired as they grow up. But it puts them at risk for drug addiction.

1:05:06 Adam Better son with no mom or daughter with no mom?

1:05:11 Drew Son.

1:05:12 Adam Kids, the boys are a little more durable than the chicks.

1:05:19 Aries Spears Yeah, but the sons grow up and end up treating the women like crap.

1:05:21 Drew I was going to say that the boys take it out on other people, the women take it out on themselves.

1:05:25 Adam Yeah, yeah. Or just take their pants off.

1:05:27 Drew Then take it out on themselves. Let somebody do it for them.

1:05:30 Adam Yeah, with a vibrator.

1:05:31 Aries Spears Either way, you win.

1:05:32 Adam Yeah, the point is right, guys start beating the crap out of people and abusing women. Women just become strippers and start getting into pornography and stuff. So you see what I'm saying? He's fine. He's worried about his kids. But again, don't do mom's a junkie. Elaborate. Elaborate lie. It'll work nicely. And kid, that's all a kid needs. He'll be bragging to his friends about it. Oh, my mom? She's a wonder woman. Yeah. No, she's working.

1:06:03 Drew Is that movie Spider-Man? That was her.

1:06:04 Adam Bring guys to justice. What chick's on Spider-Man? She's Spider-Man?

1:06:11 Aries Spears That was the elaborate lie.

1:06:12 Adam You gotta think of a chick though. You gotta think chick superhero.

1:06:14 Drew Doesn't she get, I didn't see Spider-Man 2.

1:06:16 Adam You gotta be a chick superhero. All right. Catwoman you can go with.

1:06:21 Drew There you go.

1:06:21 Aries Spears Yeah, but that sucked.

1:06:22 Adam That sucked, yeah. There's like a Lectra or Dinah girl or something, but the kid's not too, too, uh, too insignificant. The guy's not gonna get that. Erin?

1:06:32 Caller Hi.

1:06:33 Adam Yeah, you're 21? What's up?

1:06:36 Caller Um, I'm having a problem in Spider-Man.

1:06:39 Adam The word man is right in it.

1:06:41 Drew Relax.

1:06:41 Adam Your mom is Spider-Man? That makes dad gang.

1:06:43 Caller No, I was thinking.

1:06:46 Adam Yeah, got a mouthful of web. That's where you came from.

1:06:49 Caller There we go.

1:06:50 Aries Spears Shots to the face.

1:06:51 Adam That's right. Here we are.

1:06:52 Drew Theme prevails tonight. Erin, what's up?

1:06:55 Adam Spider-Man. Erin?

1:06:57 Caller Alright, um, I know guys like porn and everything, but my first boyfriend, I was living with him, and I'd asked him if he had any porn, cause I was a little bit interested in it, and he told me no, and when I was cleaning his closet, I found about 20 videos, and um, cleaning his closet? I was, it was in my room too, I mean I was living there.

1:07:21 Drew You were on an expedition?

1:07:22 Adam Yeah.

1:07:23 Aries Spears So are you shocked that he lied to you?

1:07:25 Caller Yeah, very shocked, and it just seemed like he was a different person.

1:07:29 Drew How long into the relationship did you ask him this?

1:07:32 Caller Um, about a year. You went up for two and a half years.

1:07:35 Drew And did he sort of know you had a lot of energy around porn?

1:07:37 Caller Um, no, because I didn't have it then. And then, now I'm with my present boyfriend, and he said he had I don't know.

1:07:46 Adam Like whenever chicks go fishing, it's time for you to, uh, it's like you're the guy who's they're on their way fishing, and you're the local who's been fishing that hole and doesn't want word to get out, and you just slide off and meet them in the parking lot. Nah, there's nothing going on. No fishing there. Just keep walking. You know what I mean? I think it's a guy's instinct that when women start fishing, you know, they go like did any of your other girlfriends used to, or do you ever have, have you ever fantasized about being with a, you know, you know when they go fishing, and as a guy, you just eventually learn to just nip it. You just jump into a rabbit hole. No, never, no, no, no. Have you ever fantasized about being with other women when you're no, no, no, no. I think about I actually picture me on you. And then picturing me on you. It's like a three-stager. I'm looking at my own thought bubble with you in it and me in it picturing you. It's a circle. It's like when you put two mirrors against each other.

1:08:43 Drew It just goes on for infinity. And he knows that she was spun out if he said anything.

1:08:46 Adam Yeah.

1:08:46 Drew Yeah.

1:08:46 Adam It's sort of, here's what you have to be. You don't want to lie. You end up having to be sort of casually evasive.

1:08:52 Drew Change the topic.

1:08:53 Adam Yeah, like it's like, do you have any pornography? Hey, what's that? They turn around and look and you say, oh, it's gone.

1:09:02 Aries Spears Tell the truth, man.

1:09:03 Adam Tell the truth? Now there's going to be energy now.

1:09:08 Aries Spears But that's good if you use it correctly.

1:09:10 Adam I know, but it'll get turned on you. It'll get turned on you. You know what it's like? The truth to a woman is like saying, hey, you're going into prison, you better pack a piece. Oh, no. You're going to end up getting pistol whipped with it later on. It sounds like a good idea. You got a piece, go in there. It'll be good for your safety, not once you're getting shot with it and then bludgeoned with it later on. It's not going to seem like a good idea. Check the piece. Check the piece at the door. That's what I'm saying.

1:09:36 Aries Spears That's where I pay for sex.

1:09:38 Adam All right.

1:09:39 Drew What? Six.

1:09:40 Adam What? Well, she's done. She's fine.

1:09:43 Drew Just finish it.

1:09:43 Adam Erin?

1:09:44 Caller Yeah?

1:09:45 Adam What's up?

1:09:45 Drew So do you hear what they're saying?

1:09:47 Caller Yeah, I just need to know how I can deal with it because every time it comes up mildly, I just start crying and I'm just...

1:09:54 Drew See what I'm saying?

1:09:55 Adam That's why he didn't say anything.

1:09:57 Drew Yes, he knows that energy is there.

1:09:59 Caller But he had never had a girlfriend before to prove it to.

1:10:01 Drew Yeah, Erin, but he knew.

1:10:03 Adam And don't start with the... And it's not the pornography, it's that you lied! Don't start with that crap either. He has to lie to you. You're a mess. You understand? He has no choice but to lie to you. It's like your parents being Jehovah's Witness and asking if you had unpeer thoughts today. Oh, you're lying. You know what I mean? You have to.

1:10:22 Drew All right. Why is it so disturbing to you, the pornography?

1:10:26 Caller I really don't know. Just thinking about it makes me just so upset and angry.

1:10:33 Adam Where's Daddy?

1:10:35 Caller At home.

1:10:36 Drew What happened with him?

1:10:38 Caller He, I don't know, he has job issues, but that's the only thing.

1:10:44 Drew What did he do to you?

1:10:47 Caller Nothing.

1:10:48 Adam Nothing? Good guy? Never cheated on Mom?

1:10:54 Caller Not that I know of. I don't think so.

1:10:56 Drew You didn't have a bunch of porn lying around when you were growing up?

1:10:59 Caller No, actually we were not allowed to watch rated R movies. Just kind of.

1:11:04 Adam Maybe a little energy. Is he a religious man?

1:11:10 Caller Both my mom and dad go to church every Sunday.

1:11:13 Adam Did they scare you or intimidate you with the religion? Talking about going to hell and un-pure thoughts?

1:11:19 Caller Yeah, she said that Satan was speaking through me.

1:11:22 Drew Oh, here we go. Okay, so you're sort of abusive to you. So you sort of feel that this is all evidence of that kind of feeling?

1:11:31 Caller I don't really relate it too much. It's just the whole fact of guys looking at women like that. It just disgusts me.

1:11:41 Adam Alright, alright. Well, listen. Now is that Satan talking or is that you? Alright. You gotta worry when Satan gets gassy.

1:11:51 Drew Here's the unfortunate reality about men. They all do that. I know. But we gotta figure out why. I don't know.

1:11:58 Adam You're 21 baby doll. It's time to start getting over that Satan crap, alright?

1:12:02 Caller Well, yeah. It's just I just don't know. Because my boyfriend now, he threw it away and everything and I still have a hard time even I don't know.

1:12:11 Adam Of course he lied about it. Alright. And then get some therapy. How about that?

1:12:19 Caller I can't afford it.

1:12:20 Drew You feel you need it though, huh?

1:12:23 Aries Spears So are you against porn? Totally?

1:12:26 Drew She's disgusted by it. She can't stand the idea. She can't stand the idea.

1:12:30 Aries Spears Have you ever tried making a porno with him?

1:12:34 Adam Yeah.

1:12:35 Caller No. I wouldn't want anything like that to ever be a revenge or anything.

1:12:41 Adam She hates porno.

1:12:42 Drew Could you maybe find a guy who doesn't like porn? I mean, maybe there's a guy.

1:12:47 Caller I hear about him out there. I just, I don't know.

1:12:49 Drew Maybe you're one of these people that really needs to find somebody that shares your orientation. It's going to be hard. There are very few guys out there. But there are guys that don't continue to.

1:12:58 Adam I find someone whose passion is not having passion. My passion? No passion. That's what I'm passionate about.

1:13:05 Drew Yeah, and maybe for you, Aaron, it's threatening and it's disgusting for whatever reason.

1:13:09 Adam How about you just get over it instead of trying to find the one guy with no porn. And then by the way, you find the porn eight years in a relationship and it's weird chainsaw stump porn.

1:13:18 Drew I bet her mom just beat the crap out of her about her sexuality. That's the devil lives there.

1:13:23 Aries Spears I'm curious, are y'all in the porn?

1:13:27 Adam I mean, Drew's made some films.

1:13:29 Aries Spears You mean in porn? Honestly, I've never understood the point.

1:13:34 Adam Come by the house. I'll turn you around.

1:13:40 Aries Spears That's like strip clubs. I just don't get the point.

1:13:42 Adam Give me 12 hours. I'll turn you around. Now, here's the thing. You may be a man of passion like Drew. And here's the thing about Drew. And I'm with you guys to a certain extent, although I have broken through with the strip club thing. It wasn't easy. I had to force myself. And I pushed Drew to the other side. You are a man of passion, which is you don't see the logic, and there is none, in dropping 500 bucks, sometimes more, sometimes less, looking at chicks dance around naked and walking out of the place with a boner and a headache from the bad champagne you paid too much for. That's because you're a man of action and a man of passion. Yes? Yes, who looks nothing like James Toney. I'm gonna kill you. By the way. Drew is also a man of action and a man of passion. And the idea of it's like he don't want to go to a car show. He wants to get behind the wheel of a car and drive. He don't want to sit around and look at a bunch of stuff he can't have.

1:14:38 Drew I don't go to a buffet and just stand there.

1:14:40 Adam You don't go to a buffet and just stand there. Right. Whereas I go to a buffet and beat off. Inside my jeans.

1:14:47 Aries Spears I guess that would give a different texture to some of the selections.

1:14:50 Adam You know how many times I've said that's not ranch? Please. Keep walking. What are you staring at? Ironically, right in front of the beats. Get it? Here's the point. Thank you. That's the way a passionate man thinks. And I would say it works that way with pornography to a certain degree too. Which is why sit and look at pictures of food when I can't be quenched? And I guess that's an interesting thing. It's like a quenching thing. Like some people like some people if they're hungry they want to talk about food. Like some people deal with their hunger by sitting around.

1:15:29 Drew They ain't that hungry.

1:15:31 Adam Well now Drew, you're passionate, ravenous, hungry, passionate, consumer of passion. And your belly is always empty. You have a hollow passion leg. A third hollow passion leg that can never be filled. But when you watch a show like Survivor and these people haven't seen anything good for like a month and they're sitting there and they're going, I would bake fresh cornbread and then I would have a brisket and a three bean salad and stuff and they start talking about food because they're hungry. That would drive you nuts, right? Just get your mouth salivating and all you got to eat is white rice with maggots the next day, right? Other people deal with it that way. Maybe the people that talk about it are the people that want to see the pornography and go to the strip club. Also, some people don't have the killer instinct. For instance, they're sort of spectators.

1:16:26 Drew They don't close.

1:16:26 Adam I learned that about myself when I pulled my 50-pound Dorado onto the Ponga boat.

1:16:32 Drew You weren't a closer or you were a closer?

1:16:33 Adam I couldn't get it with the bat. You gotta take a bat to it. I know. You gotta take a bat.

1:16:37 Drew A big, a cuter thing.

1:16:39 Adam Yeah, I mean, in Mexico, they make their own bats and they're like billy clubs from the turn of the century. They're just like fat. They're like that Simpsons where there was whacking day. I could have done it, but the guy next to me seemed to want to do it. And it was a 50 pound, it's a majestic looking fish, by the way. I said, take the bat, give it a and the fish is, you know, it's four feet long, it's 50 pounds, it's flopping around on a boat that's about eight feet long and about three feet wide, by the way. And he's just whacking away at it with this bat. And I'm thinking, I couldn't do that. That's not good at that. But also, I'm the guy who likes to watch the porn. See what I mean? Drew, Aries?

1:17:17 Drew I wouldn't go with the bat.

1:17:19 Aries Spears You couldn't beat the fish.

1:17:20 Adam No, I'm saying you would have F'd that fish. Drew would have jumped out and started making it with the Dorado.

1:17:27 Drew Maybe you guys are too passionate to tolerate these finer, refined elements in life.

1:17:35 Adam And, by the way, maybe you don't trust yourself.

1:17:37 Aries Spears I mean, that's just like what you're saying. If I can't have it all, then I don't do it. Like, I've actually talked to some of the guys over at ManTV and they constantly say things like, you know, what would you do last night? Oh, I sat home, watched a porno and I beat off. I haven't done that since I was 16. Simply because why when I can get a woman to do it for me? I just don't see the point in that. And they find it hard to believe, like, you haven't done it, you're lying.

1:18:05 Adam I can't do that. Well, it is true that a lot of guys, if they could go out and get a woman, would go out and get a woman. So part of it is just the fact that they don't have that option. That's a lot of that.

1:18:17 Drew All of it.

1:18:18 Adam That's 90% of it. But there is a guy too who just wants to sort of retreat into his own world. Yeah, Jurgens, take me away. You just want to retreat in your own fantasy world. Yes, Drew?

1:18:33 Drew Of course, Adam, of course.

1:18:35 Adam Aries Spears here. Passionate, passionate man, by the way. Passionate man. Dr. Drew, man of great passion.

1:18:41 Drew Like Tony, what's his name?

1:18:42 Adam James Tony. We got a picture of him over here. Go look at the picture over there, Drew. Take a quick look.

1:18:49 Aries Spears He is determined to sell you on this hypocrisy.

1:18:53 Adam Drew won't do it now. You got to see the physique, too.

1:18:57 Drew I get the body, I see it.

1:18:58 Adam Specimens, specimens. Aries Spears here. We'll take a quick break.

1:19:02 Aries Spears I'm dying to see this picture.

1:19:04 Adam Go take a look. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. 1-800-LOVE-191 Three. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. James Spears is here tonight. Aries Spears here tonight. Mad TV, 11 o'clock Saturday night on Fox. And also Ain't Scared, name of the new CD which is out. Show Drew a picture of a champion boxer. James lights out Tony. You can see certain angles. Certain angles, certain resemblance.

1:19:59 Drew Yeah, definitely.

1:20:01 Adam Not a bad looking man? Not at all. No. Good looking man. Oh, geez. Handsome man.

1:20:06 Aries Spears When he was 18.

1:20:07 Adam Handsome man at 18.

1:20:09 Aries Spears All right.

1:20:09 Adam That's what I'm saying. Saying the young. If they did a James-Tony story, Aries could play the young James. And then we get like Yafit Kota to play the older one.

1:20:22 Aries Spears Yeah.

1:20:22 Drew Yafit Kota.

1:20:23 Aries Spears I have never so wanted to shoot someone in the face.

1:20:27 Adam Do you know Yafit Kota?

1:20:28 Drew No, no.

1:20:29 Aries Spears The man that sounds as though his tongue is too big for his mouth.

1:20:31 Drew Who is he?

1:20:32 Adam You got to pull up a picture of Yafit Kota.

1:20:34 Drew What does he do?

1:20:35 Aries Spears Why are you pulling up ugly pictures of black people?

1:20:39 Adam It's my thing.

1:20:40 Aries Spears While we're at it, pull up a picture of Whoopi Goldberg.

1:20:42 Adam Tonight's no different than any other night, Drew. That's all I do, right?

1:20:45 Aries Spears Ugly black folks. Yafit Kota, James-Tony. What does he do? Who? Yafit Kota?

1:20:51 Adam He's an actor.

1:20:51 Aries Spears He was in James, he was the one black villain in all the James Bond movies that they've ever made. You've seen him, his eyes look very...

1:21:00 Adam He played Idi Amin in Big Daddy, Idi Amin's story.

1:21:04 Aries Spears He's on a homicide.

1:21:05 Adam Yeah. Mike, come on, Drew, hip it up now. Let's go now.

1:21:09 Drew I can't keep up with you.

1:21:10 Adam Mike?

1:21:12 Hello?

1:21:13 Adam You're 16?

1:21:14 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:21:15 Adam You got a question? You got a question for Aries? Good, Drew, go look at the picture of Yafit.

1:21:22 Caller I'm a pretty hardcore fan of MADtv. I watch all your episodes and stuff. And Aries, you're a really multi-talented guy. Thank you. Did MADtv seek out your talent, or did you send them a resume? How did you become part of the show?

1:21:41 Aries Spears I had a deal with Fox Television at the time that MADtv came around. They wanted me the first season, the very first season, and I had a deal with Aaron Spelling to do a show.

1:21:54 Caller Really?

1:21:55 Aries Spears Yeah, they went nowhere. We just shot a pilot. And then by the time that show didn't get picked up, MADtv was into its third season, and my deal with Fox was coming to an end, and it was just like, you know what? I had been in development deals for about four years prior to that, so I said, enough is enough. I made enough money. Put me on TV.

1:22:14 Adam And where did they originally find you? Was it doing stand-up?

1:22:19 Aries Spears No, not really. Like I said, I was kind of in the network circuit as far as getting deals with all the networks.

1:22:26 Adam But how do you get deals with all the networks?

1:22:28 Aries Spears Well, you know, I had originally, when I first came to town, I did like a little bit of stand-up at the warm-up for Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and Warren Littlefield was there, and he saw me, and the buzz just created.

1:22:41 Adam Let me tell you, that warm-up gig, a lot of people don't even know what this job is. It's like outside of Los Angeles and New York, a lot of people don't know what a publicist is, a guy, you know, they know what an agent and an actor is, and that's about it. Warm-up is the guy who warms up the audience. He's a comedian most of the time, or she's a comedian, and, you know, all the sitcoms and all these shows, they're there talking to the audience, getting them in a good mood, getting them ready to laugh it up, so when the show starts, they're all goosed up. These guys get a ton of exposure. There's a lot of heavy hitters in the audience, a lot of network brass and guys like that. These guys are putting on a two-hour show, often times, and it's a one-man show, and half the time, they're better than the people that are coming out doing the sitcom 10 minutes after they leave the stage. So it's great exposure, and so that's how you're originally exposed.

1:23:33 Aries Spears Yeah, and before you know it, this town goes off buzz heavy, so before I knew it, every network in town kind of heard about me, and I was auditioning for certain things, and had network deal after network deal.

1:23:47 Adam Right.

1:23:47 Aries Spears So I did the movie Jerry Maguire, and I'm still waiting for people to show me the money.

1:23:52 Adam Hey, Mike? Do you want to get into performing?

1:23:59 Caller No, no, no. I was just curious.

1:24:02 Drew Oh, okay, how it happened.

1:24:03 Caller I just never knew how the process worked and stuff.

1:24:06 Aries Spears Yeah, and being the bright guy that you are, that recognizes talent, I'm sure you would want to seek out more of it on that Aries Spears, I Ain't Scared album at ariesspears.com 866-528-3619.

1:24:20 Adam There you go, Mike. Thank you. All right.

1:24:22 Drew Good times.

1:24:23 Adam All right, buddy, all right. Well, I'm glad, most of the time we have guys who talk slower than that saying they want to do stand-up.

1:24:28 Drew Yeah, that's right.

1:24:29 Adam It's kind of nice for once to have a guy just realize.

1:24:31 Drew He just wants to appreciate stand-up.

1:24:33 Adam Yeah.

1:24:33 Aries Spears Hey, some of the best stand-ups in the world talk very slow. Steven Wright.

1:24:37 Adam Steven Wright is a funny stand-up.

1:24:39 Aries Spears Yes.

1:24:39 Adam He does speak slowly. And he looks like James Toney. You ever see Steven Wright?

1:24:44 Aries Spears This man looks just like James Toney. I'm loving the fact that he's running with this to the bitter end.

1:24:50 Adam Do you know what Steven Wright looks like, Drew?

1:24:52 Drew Yaffa Cotto.

1:24:53 Adam Yes.

1:24:53 Drew James Toney.

1:24:54 Adam Drew, do you know what Steven Wright looks like?

1:24:56 Drew No.

1:24:56 Adam You don't know that name?

1:24:57 Drew No.

1:24:58 Adam You don't know what he looks like? Here's what I claim. I claim you have seen him.

1:25:03 Drew You got him up there?

1:25:04 Aries Spears Steven Wright or Yaffa Cotto?

1:25:06 Drew Yaffa Cotto, I'm saying.

1:25:08 Adam Yeah, you've seen him, right?

1:25:09 Aries Spears You've seen Steven Wright?

1:25:10 Drew Steven Wright, let me see.

1:25:10 Adam All right, come on. Drew, come on, buddy.

1:25:12 Aries Spears He's got that big patch of no hair in the middle.

1:25:16 Adam Yeah, it's got a little Art Garfunkel in him.

1:25:18 Aries Spears Yeah. Oh, yeah.

1:25:19 Adam Come on, buddy. Here we go. That's all Drew needs. He just needs a little refresher. He tells you he hasn't heard the song, you got to start humming it, and then halfway into it he goes, oh, yeah, and then he makes fun of your rendition of it, and it turns into an ugly tag. You're 13.

1:25:38 Caller Yeah.

1:25:39 Adam You've been on hold for 113 minutes. 115 minutes. Yes. What's up, baby doll?

1:25:48 Caller Oh, most people think that I'm like around 18 or something, but I'm not because I look older than I actually am.

1:25:56 Adam Hold on. Let me think. Most people think you're around 18, but you're not because you look older than you are.

1:26:05 Caller Yeah.

1:26:06 Drew So you look 18. How old are you?

1:26:08 Caller I'm 13.

1:26:10 Adam 13.

1:26:11 Drew So you've been, God's given you one of those early developments.

1:26:15 Adam That's fine.

1:26:17 Drew What's the question?

1:26:20 Caller Well, it's just I wanted advice because they hit on me and then I tell them how old I really am and then they'll just keep on hitting on me and I find it really gross.

1:26:30 Drew Who keeps on hitting on you?

1:26:31 Caller Kelly. Well, like the guys that, like I tell them that I think that I'm older than what I really am.

1:26:37 Drew Oh, that explains it.

1:26:39 Adam All right. Hold on a second.

1:26:40 Drew So who keeps hitting on you?

1:26:41 Adam The guys who think I'm older than I really am.

1:26:44 Drew Those guys keep hitting on you?

1:26:45 Adam It's the guys who think I'm older.

1:26:47 Drew Who are they?

1:26:48 Adam They're those guys who think I'm older. And I keep telling them. But you know what? They keep thinking I'm older.

1:26:55 Drew All right.

1:26:57 Adam All right. All right. Sarah? Sarah, if I ever commit a crime, I want you to, you know, and we go over our story.

1:27:07 Drew We go over our story.

1:27:08 Adam It's like we were together all night, we ate dinner, and he turned in early. He couldn't have possibly been at the crime scene. You'll be perfect because they would ask you a thousand times, they'd sweat, you would just parrot it.

1:27:19 Drew Keep reading.

1:27:19 Adam The same way. Good, smooth read. Who are these guys?

1:27:26 Caller Oh, they're just like, they're friends of my friends, I guess. I skateboard, and so I go down to the skate park a lot, and then they're just there, and then I start talking to them.

1:27:38 Drew These are other 13-year-old guys?

1:27:41 Caller No, they're like 18.

1:27:42 Drew They're 18-year-old guys, that's what we're asking.

1:27:44 Adam All right, so you don't have to do anything with them, right?

1:27:49 Drew They expect you to be harsh with them in terms of pushing them away? It's gross to be harsh with them?

1:27:58 Aries Spears See, that's how Kobe got in trouble.

1:28:00 Drew Why is it gross?

1:28:02 Caller Well, I mean, it's not gross, but I mean, like, I'm 13 and they're 18.

1:28:05 Drew They expect you to be harsh with them.

1:28:06 Adam She doesn't know what the word is.

1:28:07 Drew They expect you to reject them firmly.

1:28:09 Caller Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, they, well, they don't really expect, I mean, but... I tell them no.

1:28:17 Drew The harsher, the firmer you are, the better, okay? They'll be fine. They're, they're absolutely fine.

1:28:21 Adam All right? Non question.

1:28:24 Drew Like, yeah, but she, she is I mean, it is this advice.

1:28:29 Aries Spears Like pretend I'm one of these guys and I say, yo, I want to do which you tonight, What would you say?

1:28:38 Drew No, not no. No, be like, Ay, get away. Get it out. I told you 30 times, Tony. Tony, yeah.

1:28:52 Caller Yeah, I love Mad TV, and I love crank anchors and stuff.

1:28:56 Adam Yeah, all right.

1:28:57 Caller Yeah.

1:28:57 Adam All right, baby, when you're 18, call. All right, because it'll be like she's 43 when she's 18. It'll be great, do the math. Now listen, guys are in here, fine. Do not build your life around whether guys are interested in you or not, though. Man, I mean, think about the Jews that comes. I mean, it is the Jews. Oh, no, Jews don't. No, Jews wouldn't hit on a hot box. I'm 13 year old with a skateboard. No, it would never work. Yeah, they wear the headset. They got the comb over. It's a disaster, 13 for Jews. Later, later they have their day. They rise like a nerd from the ashes. But later on, once they get that dentistry, once they get that career going. But no, let's face it, Jews don't have, let me tell you something. They're pound wise and penny foolish. They pay their dues. The Jews, they pay their dues. They give it up in junior high, in high school, and in college.

1:29:59 Drew They sacrifice.

1:30:00 Adam They sacrifice. And then later on, they get some money. They get some contacts. They get a convertible. And now it's time to score. Now it's a shiksa payday. Look out. Okay, but here's what I know how it works. Here's what I'm saying. She, women, when you imagine a woman turning 13 would be the equivalent in starting to sprout boobs and getting all this attention from guys 13, 14, 15, whatever. It would be akin to us having celebrity when we're 15. It's as if you-

1:30:37 Drew It would be somehow worse. Because even a 15 year old celebrity is still a 15 year old. You know what I mean? A male 15 year old.

1:30:43 Adam Well, yeah, I know what you're saying, but imagine you're now a guy where all of us, Drew, your Aries, Drew, your young men of passion now.

1:30:53 Drew Here's what it is. A 15 year old, a 15 year old, no, no, but it's a older male celebrity. Like a 21 year old male celebrity gets the exact same position, so to speak, as a 15 to 18 year old female.

1:31:07 Adam All right, well, Drew, yeah, but here's the thing. You put such a fine point on my analogy that it ends up killing it with your crazy point sauce. You smother my fries in your point sauce.

1:31:17 Aries Spears Are you saying that a 15 year old, like a 15 year old guy celebrity couldn't get the same attention from an older woman that a 15 year old girl could get from an older man?

1:31:26 Drew Kind of saying that.

1:31:27 Adam He's generally just diluting the point, which is, I'm not saying it's completely and directly and directly analogous. I'm just saying, when a girl, attractive girl, busty, attractive, whatever, turns 15 and starts getting the attention of all the guys at the mall and all the guys in her class, it's sort of the equivalent to a guy being a celebrity at 15, 16, it can lead to trouble. And it's easy to forget about, like if you're 15 and your celebrity is a male, forget about studying. Forget about the sports, forget about the after school, whatever, forget it. I'm going, I'm having a good time now. You chicks want to party? Who wants to take a jacuzzi? You know what I'm saying? Now you were shunned and therefore you had to study and you had to do well and you had to wait. You had no choice. It's easy. But what if someone wanted to hang with you every night? Like look, Drew, yeah, you normally study from eight to what, 10, 30? We're gonna party. We're going up to the reservoir.

1:32:27 Aries Spears He's subtle with the insults.

1:32:28 Adam You know what I'm saying? We're gonna smoke a little dupe, party, I'm paying for everything. It's gonna be great. I mean, just be easy just to start going along with it. Women, they have to resist the hot ones. The trolls, they're fine. They're going to college. Ain't no doubt about it. No, it's a certain blessing. Let's face it. Mitzvah. Let's be honest. It's a Mitzvah, as the Jews would say. If you're, you know, you don't want your daughter to be smoking hot. You don't want her to have a horn grown out of her forehead. You just say, you want her to be, you know, decent. There should be a guy out for her. But you don't want her to be smoking hot. They start dropping out. Next thing you know, OJ's coming by and stuff. You know what I'm saying? Boom, you get snatched up. Yeah. Okay. Aries Spears here. Drew doesn't even like to think about it. It's tough.

1:33:12 Drew Go on a break. All right.

1:33:13 Adam We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, yo, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Aries Spears. He's here tonight representing Aries Spears, by the way.

1:33:38 Aries Spears James Toney.

1:33:39 Adam James Toney and also Dr. Drew here tonight. Aries, of course, on MAD-TV all those seasons, 11 o'clock on Fox Saturday nights. Also has himself a CD out, I Ain't Scared, which is out as we speak. You can just go to www.ariespears.com and pick one up. All right. Ready to keep going here? Let's talk to Chris, who's 18. Chris? What's happening? All right. What's your question?

1:34:16 Caller Well, I'm addicted to porn and I just want some advice, like a detox program or something. Like what's a good way to get out of it?

1:34:27 Drew What's happening? What's going on?

1:34:29 Aries Spears Loosen up your grip.

1:34:31 Drew What's going on? You're unable to work, or you're doing it all the time?

1:34:35 Caller I don't know. I just find that I can't like, it's like a cup of coffee, like I have to have it in the morning before I go off or whatever. And then, my girlfriend kind of got me involved with it a lot more than I was.

1:34:47 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:34:49 Caller And that kind of got me in trouble because like she started looking at it on my computer. And like we look at it together, right? And then my girlfriend would look at it like when I wasn't with her too. And then my mom found it and we kind of aren't together anymore. And it's kind of hard to explain to my mom. Yeah, mom, my girlfriend was looking at it all. And so she thinks I have a bigger problem than I actually do. And I think I have a big problem already.

1:35:13 Drew Still not hearing about addiction.

1:35:14 Adam Oh, who cares? Look, let me just, are you a man of passion, though? We've decided that Aries and Drew were too passionate for porn, that after 15 minutes of watching porn would just go out on a spree, breaking into the neighbor's rumpus room, having their way with the slumber party. You know what I'm saying?

1:35:38 Caller I like it. And I guess the problem that is, I guess I'm what they would call a change stroker, like I'll, you know, I watch many porn at a time.

1:35:49 Adam I see. I see.

1:35:51 Caller I mean, I seriously, though, want to stop.

1:35:53 Adam Well, stop. How about you start by stopping?

1:35:56 Drew You say you do it in the morning before you go to work, right?

1:35:59 Caller Yeah.

1:35:59 Adam What do you do for a living?

1:36:02 Caller Construction.

1:36:04 Adam Wait a minute. What part? Framing?

1:36:06 Caller Yeah, I work with rebar.

1:36:09 Adam Well, that ain't framing.

1:36:11 Caller No, like rebar and like on bridges and stuff, concrete.

1:36:15 Adam Oh, really? You do like form work?

1:36:18 Caller Pretty much. Yeah.

1:36:19 Adam What size is number four rebar?

1:36:23 Drew He just humps stuff around.

1:36:26 Adam I've never spoken to anyone who do anything. Has anyone who's called this show that's announced they've done anything has known anything?

1:36:31 Drew No, but I was with you on the careers. I could tell he didn't know anything for sure.

1:36:34 Adam Well, that kid's 18. Number four rebar, anybody? Half inch, eighth inch of number. Number six?

1:36:41 Aries Spears What the hell are they talking about?

1:36:43 Adam Number six?

1:36:43 Drew I'll tell you during the break. Twelve?

1:36:45 Adam Three quarters. Eighth inch per number, you know what I'm saying? Eighth inch. All right. Where the hell was he? Is it impossible for somebody to call this show that knows anything? Chris? All right, buddy. So you just got to get, who got you that gig? Your dad?

1:37:02 Caller My what?

1:37:04 Adam Who got you the rebar humping gig? You saw an ad?

1:37:11 Caller Yeah.

1:37:11 Drew Pretty good.

1:37:12 Adam All right.

1:37:13 Drew Chris, addiction means a progressive quality.

1:37:15 Adam Most 18 year olds squeeze one off if they know they're going to be out of the house 10 hours.

1:37:19 Drew Yeah, really, that's right.

1:37:20 Adam That's fine.

1:37:21 Drew And if it's troubling you, you should be able to stop it. If you don't have a family history of alcoholism, if you don't have a history of sexual abuse, and it's not having real consequences in your relationships, your work or legal problems, then go ahead and stop.

1:37:32 Aries Spears You should be able to. When you're beaten off, do you feel bad in the middle of it or something? Do you get guilty?

1:37:37 Adam Hold on a second. Chris, do you have beater's remorse?

1:37:41 Caller When I'm done, yeah.

1:37:42 Adam When you're done, yeah. In the middle, you don't feel bad. Yeah.

1:37:45 Drew It's afterwards.

1:37:45 Adam You feel bad about everything when you're done.

1:37:47 Drew Adam announces every time he's never going to do it again.

1:37:49 Adam Last one.

1:37:49 Drew This is it.

1:37:50 Adam This is it. Throwing away my pornography. That's it. I bequeath it to the poor people of the world. And then pow, half hour later, I'm fishing out of the dumpster again. You know what I like about Rebar? Now Rebar is the metal. It's the stuff you see poking out of the bridges. They're building the cement overpasses, the fences, and the foundation stuff.

1:38:15 Drew What did they do before Rebar?

1:38:17 Adam They didn't reinforce it with steel.

1:38:21 Drew They just formed cement into wood forms or something?

1:38:25 Adam Rebar has nothing to do with the form. It's only got to do with the structure and the strength of it. The forming is always the same. Come on, Drew, the Rebar is inside of them.

1:38:34 Drew It always seems like there's that structure formed of Rebar first.

1:38:38 Adam Well, they build like a cage or whatever Rebar, but then the form is around it. The Rebar is not going to hold any concrete in or on it. Come on, buddy, here we go now. Here's my point. The stuff would just, you know, when they're framing stuff or they're building a house, they would just have the Rebar would just be sticking up all the time. They're doing like a retaining wall. You just see that Rebar sticking up three feet out of the thing. People would impale themselves on this thing inevitably because they fall off of something. They'd land on this rusty piece of Rebar. About two years ago, they started putting these rubber sort of mushroom caps on them. People have been impaled for about 100 years. It took about 89 years before somebody decided, hey, I'm going to take 50 cents worth of rubber ball, put a tennis ball on top of that thing. Too many guys. Eight Mexicans all put together like a shish kebab. Here's what I'm saying. It's one of these weird things in life where it's like you just stare at the Rebar sticking up out of the thing going, boy, someone lands on that. Meanwhile, guys are working above it on scaffolding all the time. Inevitably, each door you find that guy, you see the x-ray, the guy thing going through his head or through his thing, they have to cut it off. By the way, bad sign when they have to cut something off and bring you into the hospital with the sign post or whatever it is that's in you, cut off. You're not supposed to pull it out.

1:39:57 Drew No, whatever goes in, don't come out.

1:39:58 Adam I know. It's just bad when they're actually cutting. That's got to be a long five minutes. And then I'm like, hold on, Bert, let me just finish cutting off whatever's going through you right now. And then we'll walk into the hospital. By the way, this isn't the bad part. We're just getting you freed up. We're trying to free you up here. So anyway, they've vented these rubber balls that go on top of it. Like I said, 95 years after people have been getting impaled. All right. Well, Aries, you learn anything about rebuy now?

1:40:29 Aries Spears Listen, man, I need something to drink.

1:40:33 Adam Drew, number eight.

1:40:35 Aries Spears Y'all lost me with the rebuy.

1:40:36 Adam How thick?

1:40:37 Drew I didn't hear what you said the rule was.

1:40:38 Adam Number eight. Come on.

1:40:40 Drew The rule is what?

1:40:41 Adam Number four, half inch.

1:40:43 Drew Four is half inch, so it's twice.

1:40:44 Adam Number six, three-quarter inch.

1:40:47 Aries Spears Didn't this man was talking about an addiction to beating off? And y'all talking about construction.

1:40:53 Adam One inch.

1:40:54 Drew One inch.

1:40:55 Adam Number four, half inch. Got to roll. A quick break. We'll be right back.

1:41:00 Aries Spears Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

1:41:34 Drew One and a half?

1:41:35 Adam Inch and a half. Yeah, buddy. Yeah. All right. All right. I want to thank everyone associated with the show tonight for making it all happen. We're running late, so we got to take a break. But you all know who we are. And don't worry. If you're around this time next week, you'll get a proper thanking. So until next time, Sam Kroll for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:41:54 Aries Spears Why are you pulling up ugly pictures of black people?

1:42:02 Adam The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, September 2, 2004