Episode 1000638277002

1:06 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:19 Voiceover With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:22 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOV-E-191, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. John Hensley's here tonight from NipTuck. Good to see you, John.

1:33 John Hensley Thank you. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me.

1:35 Adam Oh, it is our pleasure. 10 o'clock on FX. I saw a season finale tomorrow, by the way. I saw a little NipTuck tonight before I came in. And I'd only been watching for about 22 seconds when I heard the S-bomb drop.

1:54 Drew Oh, nice.

1:55 Adam S.

1:55 Drew You were impressed.

1:55 Adam Pow. S. It's cable.

1:58 Drew Not airways. Cable.

1:59 Adam I've been on cable since I was 11 and never got to drop the S-bomb.

2:04 Drew I know, but you were on a tightly controlled network that is careful with the standards of practice.

2:10 Adam Sure.

2:11 Drew Comedy Central.

2:12 Adam And MTV.

2:13 Drew You can call somebody a hoe bag, but you can't say S.

2:19 Adam MTV, they get a cameraman to get on Mechanics Creeper and slide between the legs of a 14-year-old to get a nice crotch shot.

2:27 Drew Can't say S.

2:27 Adam But I bring up Hitler. We got trouble. Yeah. All right, John. Well, God bless you for being on a network and a program that gets to drop the S-bomb.

2:36 John Hensley Yeah, we're pretty lucky for that.

2:38 Adam But no F-bomb, am I right?

2:39 John Hensley No, no F-bomb that I'm aware of.

2:41 Drew I could be wrong. It's a slippery slope.

2:44 Adam Yes, yes, the S rolls downhill into the F-bomb. That's what they say. It's great being an adult and going, I don't give an S and F you, dude. Did you F him in the A? S, yes. What? Really? Oh, what's that short for?

3:07 Drew Just speaking of which, I was thinking to myself, I'm doing a Family Guy voice tomorrow.

3:11 Adam Oh, who cares? Oh, come on. All right, I'm going to give you your props, but you know what? We need to interview John. All right.

3:17 John Hensley Oh, God.

3:17 Adam Hey, John, what's happening?

3:18 John Hensley Not much. Not much at all. What's happening with you?

3:20 Adam Drew is very impressed because-

3:22 Drew I'm excited.

3:23 Adam Excited? Oh, no, no, not about the Family Guy. Quiet down. I got a guest tonight.

3:28 John Hensley You should be excited about the Family Guy by the way.

3:30 Adam Yeah, absolutely. I love the Family Guy, too. I got to believe that I'm responsible for getting you in on it.

3:35 Drew I have that in my begging Mila Kunis.

3:37 Adam Yeah, she's a heavy hitter over there.

3:40 Drew And Alex.

3:40 Adam Okay, here's the point. Alex Borstein is probably the one to hit up more on Mila. All right, where are we?

3:46 Drew Talking to John.

3:47 Adam John, love the show. It's getting great reviews, great accolades and all that good stuff. Seems like the first season was, maybe I just think it's about every show, but it was good and people, it couldn't be ignored. I mean, it didn't get out of the shoots like Gangbusters, but it started to sort of, there was a buzz.

4:10 John Hensley Yeah, it got a little thing behind it as the season went onshore.

4:13 Adam And I think it was sort of just, once in a while, something reinstills my faith in humanity and Nip Tuck is one of them. No, I just mean, I like it when a show is just good and it's good and it hangs out sort of like the family guy. It's good, so it deserves to be seen by more people and it comes back and people tell other people that it's good and all the advertising in the world, by the way, when something sucks, speaking of that, by the way, New York Minute out on DVD tomorrow, I got a note here, Drew.

4:44 Drew Thank you.

4:44 Adam But all the advertising in the world is not going to make something a hit if it's not hit worthy. I know we like to think it will, but it doesn't seem to do that. Nip Tuck seems to be the opposite of that.

4:54 John Hensley Yeah, no, I mean, it's something that I could be wrong, but it seems like the audience kind of discovered it and made it, it kind of got that word of mouth thing going.

5:02 Adam Organic.

5:03 John Hensley Yeah. Why not?

5:04 Adam It's nice. Instead of someone throwing a bunch of money at it and buying a bunch of billboards and making everyone know what the show is, people see it, people talk about it. So anyway, the finale airs tomorrow at 10 o'clock on FX.

5:20 John Hensley Actually, I don't think it's the finale. I could be wrong about that, but no, I think it's... No.

5:26 Adam That is shocking, by the way. I cannot believe there's a erroneous piece of information on this piece of paper.

5:31 Drew That's never happened. Oh no, wait a minute.

5:34 Adam It never doesn't happen.

5:35 John Hensley Oh yeah, did I just get somebody in trouble? I really hope I didn't.

5:38 Adam Oh, it's too late. We would fire people here, but we can't because we don't pay them. Know what I mean? It's really like firing a... It's like if you fired the hedge in front of your house, this looks at you and goes, yeah, well, I'm not going anywhere. What do I care? You can't fire shrubs, Drew. Do you understand?

5:56 Drew See, John's a nice guy.

5:57 Adam You have to drag them out.

5:58 Drew All this negativity is freaking him out.

6:00 Adam That's not negativity.

6:01 Drew He's a nice guy.

6:01 Adam It seems too early for the season finale, though, as I was looking at this thing. But I'll read what they put in front of me.

6:08 John Hensley So the finale's tomorrow?

6:10 Adam No. I tend to believe you, John. Lauren, you look it up on the website there and see what it is. Now, there's usually some confusion, and it's usually somewhere in between a total F-up and maybe just a little slip. Anyway, that's tomorrow night on FX, and then you switch over to Comedy Central. You watch Crank Yankers at 10.30. Yeah. That's my show. Yeah.

6:35 John Hensley I watch it regularly.

6:37 Adam That's right, John. A genius. So you watch that, and then you switch over, and you go watch Kimmel and go to bed.

6:42 Good times.

6:43 Adam All right, Drew. Oh, and you go out and buy yourself a New York Minute.

6:45 Drew There you go.

6:46 Adam Drew's in that movie.

6:46 For your kids.

6:47 Adam Olsen twins, everybody. All right, so Drew.

6:49 Drew Yeah.

6:50 Adam Going to be on The Family Guy.

6:51 Yeah.

6:51 Adam What's up?

6:52 Drew I'm playing a dermatologist.

6:53 Adam Tomorrow.

6:54 Drew I'm going to record it tomorrow.

6:56 Adam Yeah. I know it doesn't air. I'll bring my animation and take up to three days.

7:00 Drew I'll bring my best stiff attitude.

7:02 Adam Yeah. And who are you playing?

7:04 Drew Are you playing a dermatologist?

7:05 Adam I know, but is Dr. so-and-so? You're not Dr. Drew? Oh, it's going to be a disaster. Do you have your script?

7:11 Drew Yeah. Very funny.

7:12 Adam Want to work out some of the beats with you?

7:15 Drew Not right now.

7:16 Adam We're going to hop on the phones. We'll get to the bottom of it. John, what else? What else? Oh, by the way, I was looking at this, John's bio, by the way, a horse wrangler in Wyoming for attending college.

7:27 Drew This is a part of the country you've probably never really been to is Wyoming. You gotta go.

7:30 Adam No, I don't think so.

7:31 Drew William Jackson.

7:32 John Hensley No, it was actually in Cody. It was right between Cody, Wyoming and the East entrance to Yellowstone.

7:38 Drew It's so beautiful and it's like time has stood still.

7:41 Adam What, because people drive old cars or...

7:44 Drew Horses. Everything's about the horse.

7:46 Adam Right?

7:46 Drew Everything's about the horse.

7:49 John Hensley And it's, well, no, I shouldn't say this over there, but I will. It's one of those places where people will straight up leave the keys in their ignition for fear of losing them. It's still got that...

7:58 Adam Must be nice.

7:59 John Hensley That thing going for it.

8:00 Drew It's beautiful.

8:01 Adam It would be nice. Think about how much time you spend just sort of battening down the hatches. Is the alarm on? Is this thing zipped up that we got this taken care of? Go ahead and pull this, turn it, chirp the thing, get locked out of stuff. Wouldn't it be nice just to leave the keys in the car? It'd be nice to be one of those Mayberry type-type neighborhoods.

8:16 John Hensley It would be, but now everybody's gonna roll to Wyoming to steal a new car.

8:20 Adam But all they're gonna get is trucks with gun racks and a lot of rust in the quarter pound.

8:24 John Hensley And sheep dogs.

8:25 Adam Did they, now, would you wrangle a horse? How do you wrangle a horse?

8:29 John Hensley Well, you kind of get behind them on a horse of your own and push them in one direction or the other.

8:34 Drew You herd a group of them?

8:36 John Hensley Yeah, yeah, I mean, pretty much. I mean, what it was, I worked on a ranch in Wyoming that was a dude ranch slash ranch ranch, you know, so it was sort of in the day. You did everything from push a herd to take tourists on rides up in the mountains.

8:50 Drew Make omelets in Flambe.

8:51 John Hensley Yeah. Wow.

8:53 Adam That sounds romantic.

8:55 John Hensley It was.

8:55 Drew You need to go to the part of the country.

8:57 Adam I'm going.

8:58 Drew It's different.

8:59 Adam Settle up and go after the show. John, show me the ropes. Do you do anything with the Lariat?

9:04 John Hensley I did, actually. I was for a very, very, very brief moment a budding team roper, but I can't. Really? Well, I wasn't that good. Team roper?

9:12 Adam Let yourself think about roping. You may not have been very good, but you're better at anybody's listening show or anyone you know. You know what I mean?

9:20 Drew Right, right.

9:21 Adam Let me explain something.

9:22 Drew Except out there. That is rodeo territory.

9:25 Adam Oh, yeah.

9:26 Drew You go to rodeos every couple of days?

9:28 John Hensley Rodeo is the biggest sport in Wyoming.

9:29 Adam That's why you move. You don't go out there. Here's the whole thing. I look back on my childhood and I figured it out, which is you should, in truth, do this with your kids. I know you're doing it with your daughter in the skating, but it's a little mainstream. But here's the thing, pick a sport for your kids that other kids can't really ever get involved with. For me, there was one, there was always two kids in the school that played hockey. They had the duffel bag, the stick hanging out of it. This is North Hollywood.

10:00 Drew It's huge.

10:01 Adam They don't have, first off, we don't have access to skating rinks.

10:04 Drew Panorama City Rink, huge.

10:06 Adam No one will ever call you out on it. There's no school rink. The school can't show up there. You never get your bluff called. One guy, and you have to wear all the garb. One guy rode motocross. I'm sure the guy who raced XR75s up in Indian Dues didn't do anything. The point is he'd show up with a jersey with his name on it. That's it. He's a hero.

10:27 Drew He's that guy.

10:28 Adam He's the best motocross guy you've ever met in your life. He's the only motocross guy.

10:31 Drew I had a guy circa 1968 that was a ski racer. No one ever seen that before.

10:36 Adam But it's huge, right?

10:37 Drew He was like a freak.

10:39 Adam He was 12. He didn't do anything.

10:40 John Hensley I was in my high school. We had a ski racer. And you're absolutely right. He was the only one.

10:45 Adam And he's the best.

10:46 Drew Yeah. But he lived this parallel life, this life of intrigue. Right. He was like, Austin Powers.

10:51 Adam And plus, he can embellish his ass off. Now, meanwhile, he's probably doing the intermediate level, the junior something, something, and getting a participation ribbon. And coming back like he's Jacques Le Fleur. No, wait a minute. Who is he?

11:08 Drew Jean-Claude Kiede.

11:09 Adam Jean-Claude Kiede.

11:10 Drew That's right. Think about all the hardware and paraphernalia he knew about. My canisal silver stars, my look.

11:17 Adam Oh, I've got to get my bindings recalibrated and you're just like, I got to rent bowling shoes. Oh, I mean, listen, in junior high, if you had your own gear, that was it.

11:31 Drew If anything.

11:31 Adam The guy showed up with a bowling ball. He was on the tour. He was on the tour. If a Corolla showed up with a ping pong paddle, you're ahead of the household. Yeah, okay, here's the point. You get your kid into baseball or football, everyone knows he sucks. He plays at that. They get called out every day. We know, everyone knows exactly where he is. Every day at PE when he gets picked, that's the rankings. They take your kid third, that's where he is.

11:56 Drew All right.

11:57 Adam You pick a crazy sport, roping. That may be my kid's sport. I may get him into roping, Drew.

12:03 Drew Just keep him out of Wyoming.

12:04 Adam Yeah, but keep him out of Wyoming. You can't do the sport that's indigenous to your school.

12:09 John Hensley No, absolutely. You can only own it outside of where it belongs.

12:12 Drew You only be the man of mystery outside of that culture.

12:15 Adam Yeah, if you're living in Canada or Buffalo, you can't do hockey. You'll get called on it. You live in North Hollywood and there's nothing frozen for a million miles. You can do hockey. Get the kid loaded up with the gear. You know what it'd be? I'm just gonna give him a duffel bag, fill it with those packing styrofoam peanuts and hang a hockey stick out of it. Just keep walking around with it the whole time. Just a jersey with your name on it's enough. You know what I mean? And then just start lying your ass off about international travel and tours. Oh, is this close to making the Olympics or whatever, junior Olympics? Blew out of knees. Always a good thing to work in there. No one can ever do it. And once in a while you just pick the rope up and do something that a five-year-old Wyoming can do. We're all impressed.

12:57 John Hensley Absolutely.

12:58 Adam Let's work on that. Let's focus on that.

13:02 Drew Let's take some calls.

13:03 Adam Dirt bike's good. Stuff that has junk. All right.

13:06 Drew Stuff that has junk.

13:09 Adam Listen, I knew a guy.

13:09 Drew Very well said.

13:10 Adam I knew a guy.

13:11 Drew Stuff that has junk.

13:12 Adam He had like an enduro motorcycle. His dad, I almost dropped the F word there. His dad would take him up to Gorman to do a few laps in the desert once in a while.

13:21 Drew With his bull taco.

13:22 Adam Yeah, bull taco. He was telling me about running the track at dawn to find every nuance in it, nailing pit girls and stuff like that. This whole crazy.

13:30 Drew He was 11?

13:31 Adam He was like 13. It took us 20 years to figure out he was just lying the whole time. But because he had a Yamaha jersey with his name on the back, well, he was it. I'm going to kill my parents, Drew. That's enough. Linda?

13:44 Yes.

13:44 Adam You're 18?

13:46 Caller Yes.

13:46 Adam What's happening? What are you doing, baby?

13:51 Drew What's your question, Linda?

13:53 Adam I'm done with you. James? See what happens when we talk to people, Drew? You may interrupt my flow, man.

14:01 No, I'm sorry. It's my first time calling.

14:02 Adam Not you.

14:03 Drew No, no, James, you're good.

14:04 Adam What's up?

14:04 All right. I have a problem. I have anxiety and I'm bipolar. And I'm taking lithium and Cypraxa.

14:13 Drew Yeah.

14:14 And I have ADD, so I was on Concerta for a while.

14:17 Drew Great.

14:18 Caller But I was like, before I had anxiety, I was able to reach, like, you know, I'd have pleasure. When I orgasm.

14:27 Drew Before you were on medicine.

14:29 Caller No, actually, I was on the medication, like ADD medication, like an antidepressant.

14:34 Drew I understand, but you weren't on the Cypraxa.

14:36 Caller Right, correct.

14:37 Drew So Cypraxa can knock you down pretty good.

14:38 Caller Oh, it can?

14:40 Drew Yeah.

14:40 Caller He took me off of it for, like, three weeks.

14:43 Drew Yeah.

14:44 Caller I was on the lithium.

14:45 Drew Yeah.

14:46 Caller And still, I still had the same problem.

14:48 Drew Maybe it's the lithium. I've not heard that from lithium, but it's possible.

14:52 Adam You know what the best is? Martial arts.

14:54 Drew He's saying he can't have, when he has an organ, he doesn't feel anything.

14:57 Adam Right, but I'm saying you show up in, like, a red, white, and blue gi, just one day, nobody Fs with you. Yeah, you start talking about your sensei.

15:05 John Hensley I was actually thinking archery. That's another going, because you got the gear.

15:09 Adam Archery is good, but if we catch you without your gear, you're in trouble. You know what I mean? Where's kung fu your weapon? You know what I'm saying? All you gotta do is show up with all this crazy bamboo sword stick things that makes all the noise just hanging out of your thing every once in a while, and maybe one of those crazy masks with the bamboo, a wicker, whatever. You're in.

15:28 Drew Dump trucks.

15:28 Adam You're scary. You're Scary Sky, anyone knows. Am I right?

15:31 Drew Right.

15:32 Adam That's a good one. That's a good one. What was he talking about?

15:36 Drew He can't feel anything when he orgasms.

15:38 Adam James?

15:40 Caller So, like, now, you know, I'm off the lithium, and I'm still, like, having the same problem, and I, you know.

15:47 Drew And you're still.

15:49 Caller I think I might have a sexual disorder or something, because I'm off the medication. Like, I'll, my body will function, right? Like, it will orgasm and everything. But, you know, I won't feel any pleasure.

16:00 Adam Yeah. It's just a mess.

16:01 Drew You're off everything? You're off everything?

16:04 Caller Um, yeah.

16:05 Drew You ought to see a urologist. Something's up. Now, there are thyroid conditions. There were endocrine problems that can come up from lithium, too. So maybe something is off you. You sort of need a medical evaluation to see why this is happening. But you should, you have every reason to expect that you'll be back to normal.

16:21 Adam All right. And listen, once in a while, I squeeze one off with nothing.

16:27 Drew And don't feel anything?

16:28 Adam Yeah, don't feel much.

16:29 Drew Yeah.

16:30 Adam That's right. I feel like I've been raped by myself.

16:33 Drew You at least get like that sort of Cremora powder comes out, right?

16:36 Adam I get a little shot of powder, yeah. Yeah, but nothing.

16:39 Drew But don't feel anything.

16:40 Adam You know, that's frustrating.

16:41 Drew You know, if you cut back, cut back, like held off one extra time.

16:45 Adam Hour? Oh, day.

16:46 Drew Yeah, yeah, a couple. No, it's just a few. Yeah, just knock it down by one per day.

16:50 Adam I could, but I'm very superstitious. You know what I mean? I'm like a baseball player.

16:54 Drew The world will come up with Axis or something.

16:55 Adam Yeah. I don't want planes to start falling out of the sky.

16:57 Drew No, I know, yeah.

16:58 Adam See what I'm saying?

16:59 Drew Yeah. So you got to take one for the team.

17:02 Adam I beat off for the people.

17:03 Drew Yeah.

17:04 Adam Yeah.

17:05 Drew Uh-huh. I appreciate that.

17:06 Adam But I know, I was thinking, I know, like that you beat off and don't feel like anything. And I was thinking, there's a couple of those life things that feel like gyps. And one of them, we talked about this a while, but once in a while, you're digging into a piece of dessert, a nice piece of cheesecake on there, and the phone rings. And so you pick up the phone, yeah, hello, and meanwhile, you pick away at the cheesecake, but you do it quietly because you don't want to eat in the phone, you're just like, you know, do anything. And then you hang up and you look down and the plate's empty, you think, I just ate a piece of cheesecake.

17:34 Drew Didn't feel it.

17:34 Adam Didn't feel it. Uh, rape. That sucked. Was that horrible?

17:38 Drew Yeah.

17:39 Adam As a matter of fact, there should be dessert-eating rooms in your house. They're like sensory deprivation tanks. Like, it just gets all black. You don't get distracted. There's nothing worse than taking a few bites and not realizing that you did it. You're talking. You're doing. You're right. How about just a dessert-eating room?

17:53 Drew You're right.

17:54 Adam It's dark. You just sit there and stare at the doughnut.

17:56 Drew I think if you apply the same focus that you do to your masturbatory rituals, you wouldn't miss a thing.

18:03 Adam No, I wouldn't. No. Put a little glaze on the doughnut. What are you saying? You're saying I should do something onto the doughnut? I don't understand.

18:12 Drew Let's talk to Linda.

18:13 Adam Let's move forward, Drew. You're freaking me out, man. I don't like where this is going. Linda?

18:19 Yes.

18:20 Adam All right. What's up? You're 18.

18:22 Caller Yes.

18:23 Adam What's up?

18:25 What are the chances of someone getting pregnant after they've been on a pill for four months?

18:31 Drew Remote. Remote. Remote.

18:34 Adam What are you saying?

18:34 Drew No matter what, whatever follows remote, provided you've been taking the pill properly, you haven't been on any of the medications or antibiotics, the possibility of getting pregnant on the pill used properly is remote.

18:46 So that's very low.

18:49 Drew Very unlikely.

18:50 Adam Are you on the pill?

18:51 Drew Exceedingly unlikely.

18:52 Adam You on the pill? What happened?

18:55 My boyfriend and I weren't using protection.

18:59 Drew You're on the pill, but you're on the pill.

19:01 Adam That's a form of protection.

19:02 Drew That's your contraception.

19:02 Adam That's all you need, but keep going.

19:09 Drew Linda? That was weird.

19:11 Adam Did some man miss her phone line? Did she hang up? She got tired of you yelling, remote!

19:18 Drew That's weird.

19:18 Remote!

19:20 Drew She kind of like...

19:22 Adam She got pissed at you.

19:23 Drew No, no. She didn't seem pissed.

19:25 Adam You can only scream remote at an 18-year-old so long. Before they throw it at you. You know what happened? She probably had some drunken stepdad. She'd be sitting on the remote and he'd just start yelling, give me the remote. You'd see a belt coming out of his pants, a bottle of Jack Day. Snapping the, baiting her up, you know, and all that stuff. When he heard you, it was like a damn flashback. That had to be it, right?

19:51 Drew That had to be. Let's keep going. Move forward, break it down.

19:54 Adam Just break it down. Trying to think of another good sport for the kids. Yeah. They can't get called on. Something in the Olympics is good. Gymnastics is good.

20:03 Drew I think curling is the way to go.

20:05 Adam Curling is a pussy sport, though.

20:07 John Hensley There's something about bobsledding.

20:09 Drew Bobsledding is good. Oh, the skeleton, those little one-man things.

20:14 Adam Oh, the luge.

20:14 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

20:15 Adam Yeah, one-man-er.

20:16 Drew Skeleton, what do they call this thing?

20:18 Adam I don't know what they call them, but it's the luge. Yeah. It's strong, but it doesn't scare the other kids.

20:24 John Hensley Yeah, but it's daring.

20:26 Adam It's daring, that's true. That's true, and it's got the same sort of motocross thing, and it's a little daring.

20:31 John Hensley Yeah, you strap your helmet on your bag. Yeah.

20:33 Drew He's a skill, baton twirling.

20:36 John Hensley No.

20:37 Adam Sword play would be nice, though. That's nice.

20:40 That's fair people, yeah.

20:41 Adam Christina? You're 16? What's up, baby doll?

20:47 Caller Well, my boyfriend just broke up with me a couple days ago.

20:51 Drew How dare he?

20:53 Caller Yeah, and I wouldn't have sex with him, and that's the only reason why he broke up with me.

20:58 Drew What a jerk. I am so sure.

21:01 Caller I know, and now, like, I don't know if I should get back together with him or what.

21:05 Drew No, he's a jerk. Let him go.

21:07 Adam How old is he?

21:08 Caller I'm so confused, but I really like him, though.

21:10 Drew I know, but he's an idiot.

21:11 Adam How old is he? And how long had you been going with him?

21:18 Caller About six and a half months.

21:19 Adam Six and a half months. And you want to save your virginity until you get married?

21:25 Caller Well, like, it's not that I want to save it until I get married, but, like, I don't know. He's all into having sex and stuff, and I just, I guess I just want it to be special.

21:35 Drew And you're, listen, you're just not ready. That's fine. That's fantastic that you know that and you stand up for yourself. Couple things about men, males, by the time they hit 17, 18, 19, they are under the influence of a drug. And that's all they're thinking about is sex, and it's not their fault, they're just under the influence. And just come to terms with that, realize that's where they're at, and if a guy can't have a relationship because of the delirium caused by the testosterone, let him go.

22:00 Adam Oh, hold on a second, let's talk amongst ourselves here. The guy, she's 16, they've been together for six and a half months.

22:07 Drew Which is the other thing, that's a lifetime relationship for a 16-year-old. That's long enough.

22:12 Adam Yeah. No, no, it's long enough.

22:14 Drew That's what I'm saying. Oh, for this next...

22:15 Adam No, I'm saying it's long enough.

22:16 Drew No, no, I'm saying it's long enough, get on to the next one. She sounds like she's ready to have sex. No way.

22:22 Adam No, she sounds like she's making... She sounds like the only decision she should be making is a waffle cone or the...

22:31 More jello please.

22:33 Adam By the way, what kind of sadist gets the old dried up stale waffle cone when it can have the other nice cone, the sugar cone?

22:42 John Hensley I'm all about the sugar cone.

22:43 Drew But those waffle cones, they make them right there in front of you now.

22:45 Adam Yeah, but no, no, no. The waffle cone.

22:48 Drew You mean the big waffle cone is the big?

22:51 Adam No, no, here's the confusion. Chris, get on the computer.

22:54 Drew There's a sugar cone, a waffle cone, and a cup cone.

22:58 Adam Cup cone?

22:59 Drew Yeah. That's the little cup and little dried up cup.

23:01 Adam Now, the cup cone used to be the waffle because it had the waffle stamping.

23:05 John Hensley There's the sugar cone. The sugar cone, which is the waffle cone. That's like the small waffle cone, and then there's the waffle cone.

23:11 Drew Waffle cones are huge things they make right in front of you.

23:13 Adam Back in the day.

23:14 Drew Back in the day. Total waste.

23:16 Caller Total waste.

23:16 Adam The cup cone was called the waffle cone, and the sugar cone was just a sugar cone.

23:21 Drew That may be true.

23:22 Adam Yeah. I got to check into that. Chris, check into that, buddy. Yeah, please. Yeah, waffle cone. The waffle cone. Now, but here's the point.

23:30 Drew What history of the waffle cone is looking for?

23:32 Adam What kind of sadist gets the waffle cone?

23:34 Drew The old waffle cones. Nobody anymore.

23:36 Adam Yeah. How low does your self-esteem have to be?

23:39 Drew They're good for one thing. They're good for kids that can't balance the ice cream, you know, too young, and they are going to eat the thing anyway.

23:46 Adam You might as well just dump it and put a doil in your hand and just put the scoop on your hand.

23:49 Drew Yeah, absolutely.

23:50 Adam Yeah, it'll dry it up. What were we talking about? Christina?

23:54 Drew Break.

23:54 Adam Oh, yeah. No, wait a minute. Christina?

23:57 Drew Yeah. Okay. So Adam thinks you should go ahead and have sex with the guy. I don't.

24:01 Adam I don't say that, but I'm just saying if you were saying you were going to save your virginity until marriage, that's one thing, but you're saying you want it to be special.

24:09 Drew She's saying she's not ready.

24:10 Adam You're not into this guy that much.

24:11 Drew She's not ready.

24:12 Adam You're not that much. It would be special if he was special, but he's not that special. Everything means a lot when you're 16.

24:25 Caller He's more into having sex than it being special, and I guess I just want to be special.

24:31 Drew Good luck. Chris is taking notes, like, make it seem like I'm special.

24:39 Adam Yeah, Chris has special sex in the sort of Special Olympics kind of special. What? Yeah.

24:44 Drew Nice dinner. Yeah, that's special. Yeah, special, yeah.

24:46 Caller You know, special, I don't know.

24:48 Drew Christina, you're great. You are the greatest. Hang in there.

24:50 Adam You're fine. I'm just saying.

24:52 Drew She live in Old Lyme, too. She's from Connecticut.

24:55 Adam All I'm saying is get ready for special not to be that special.

25:00 Drew But at least at 18, you can deal with it.

25:02 Adam Be prepared for special.

25:03 Drew That's fine. 18, there'll be no shattering of any illusions at that point.

25:07 Adam Okay. Like I said, think special at, you know what I mean?

25:11 Drew Not emotionally special.

25:13 Adam That's right.

25:13 Drew Think Timmy.

25:14 Adam John Hensley is here tonight from Nip Talk on, we're gonna find out if that season finale is at tomorrow night, Tuesday night on FX. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

25:26 Loveline. We'll be right back.

25:32 John Hensley Loveline is brought to you by YJ.

25:33 Caller Stinger Extreme Energy Drink.

25:43 Drew I hate employees that cannot think.

25:48 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline. Engineer Anderson, where is he?

25:52 Drew He's been gone for weeks.

25:53 Adam He quit, didn't he?

25:55 Drew Did he? This guy did a good job.

26:02 Adam It is a weird thing where no one says anything. He splits and it's been a couple of weeks.

26:09 Drew Two weeks ago we heard, oh, he's at the Ronald McDonald camp. Okay.

26:14 Adam Come on, secure the kiddies.

26:15 John Hensley I got to say something. It actually wasn't Lorne who is even remotely wrong about this thing. We just got hot off the press as the FX website says that the season finale is tomorrow. For New Talk. But the thing is, the thing they have listed is from season one.

26:33 Drew So it's a season one finale.

26:34 John Hensley So it's a season one finale.

26:35 Drew I see.

26:35 Adam Is tomorrow.

26:37 John Hensley Apparently, but it would have to be some sort of rerun. So how do you know?

26:42 Adam Does it say season one finale?

26:43 John Hensley Yeah, well, it's got the title of the episode right here that I remember being from.

26:47 Adam Ah, but it doesn't say season one.

26:48 Drew Or maybe the website.

26:50 John Hensley It doesn't say season one.

26:51 Drew It says season finale in one day, but the episode is listed as this one from last year.

26:56 John Hensley And I just recognize the title.

26:58 Drew If this website is anything like the K-Rock website, maybe it hasn't been changed since last year, one day before the season finale.

27:04 Adam Well, also, K-Rock website, I've heard if you punch it up, you get AIDS. I'd have to take it a step further than not only having erroneous information, you're actually- You're actually, ah, that was last year. We haven't updated that.

27:18 Drew Well, they were planning AIDS for this year.

27:20 Adam Oh, I thought they were going to Hep C, HIV, that's next year.

27:24 Drew But they're still with the Anthrax, they're still with the Anthrax.

27:28 Adam Just be careful. If you wear one of those respirators and one of those dry suits, you'll be fine. Put some duct tape around it. By the way, can we design anything that doesn't need a little help from some duct tape?

27:40 Drew Anything in life?

27:41 Adam It's like, you see the guys going in, they're going to get the Anthrax spores, they got the suit on, and say, oh, let's put the duct tape around the wrist before we head in. Guys boxing, they lace up the gloves, on goes the duct tape around it.

27:54 Drew Really?

27:54 Adam It's nothing. Could design a suit that just worked? Got a little help from duct tape?

27:59 Drew Yeah, it's interesting. Same thing with athletic tape, you know, the white tape.

28:02 Adam Yeah, got to go around everything. John Hensley here tonight from NipTuck. Not the season finale.

28:08 John Hensley Not the season finale.

28:09 Adam Tomorrow.

28:10 John Hensley Although the website says-

28:11 Drew Not this season finale, maybe last season.

28:13 John Hensley Maybe last season.

28:14 Adam Right. Tomorrow at 10 o'clock, FX. And then it's over to Comedy Central for Cranking. Cranking, that's right. Kimmy. You're 19?

28:24 Caller Yep. How are you guys doing?

28:25 Adam What's up?

28:27 Caller I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a couple of months, and at first sex and everything was normal, and I found out that he's kind of into the whole rape thing, like he wants me to rape him.

28:39 Drew He wants you to rape him. That's an unusual one.

28:42 Adam That's not being into the whole rape thing.

28:43 Drew Yeah, that's just some interesting, weird thing he does, all right?

28:47 Caller So, anyway, I did stuff like that for him, and the whole bondage dress up in leather type thing.

28:52 Drew Now, is there some sort of story you have to act out?

28:56 Caller Not necessarily. He just likes the whole being kind of used kind of thing.

29:00 Drew Being used.

29:01 Adam Uh-huh.

29:03 Caller Anyway, lately, during sex, he used to be a cutter when he was younger, and he wants me to cut him during sex.

29:12 Drew Oh, boy. You guys are going down a slippery slope.

29:16 Caller Yeah.

29:16 Adam Just start off by cutting a fart and ease into the actual cutting. That's what I'll do. I'll start with cutting a fart, and then we'll get into a little thigh cutting.

29:24 Drew Wait, wait. You never get past the fart.

29:26 Adam I've been on it for about 14 years now.

29:28 Drew How old are you?

29:30 Adam Oh, no. Oh, myself. Many, many years. I was talking about with the ladies. Yeah, Kimmy?

29:36 Caller Yep.

29:37 Adam Yeah. He's deeply troubled.

29:39 Caller Yeah, I know that. I mean, everything else besides that, he's totally normal.

29:44 Drew No, no.

29:45 Adam Give it time.

29:46 Drew It doesn't exist.

29:47 Caller Maybe not to you guys, yeah, but.

29:49 Adam Well, we are the judgers of society and normality. And so if it's not normal to us, then it's not normal. You're saying it's like yelling at a ruler. Well, that might not be three feet to you.

30:01 Caller Yeah.

30:01 Adam No, no, no. That's three feet. It's a yardstick. It decides. We are that yardstick. Yes, Drew?

30:07 Drew We are that yardstick.

30:08 Adam They just say yes. Yes. We are that yardstick.

30:10 Drew We are that yardstick. They just want to repeat things.

30:14 Adam We'll clean that up and edit.

30:16 Caller I was kind of wondering what I should do to kind of get, like tell him I'm uncomfortable with it. I told him, but he keeps like asking for it.

30:25 Adam That's part of what makes you effed up. What does he do? Work at a video store or computers?

30:32 Caller Me?

30:32 Adam Him.

30:33 Caller Oh, him. Yeah, he works with computers.

30:35 Adam Yeah. It's one or the other.

30:37 Caller Yeah, he does advertising.

30:39 Adam I don't trust him.

30:40 Drew Well, you can say no, it's fine. It disrupts the intimacy. It takes things away. Something happened to him. He was beaten or something as a child. So he needs to have these high levels of arousal in order to feel sexual. He can learn to feel sexual and intimate with you in a much more direct fashion.

30:54 Caller Well, we can normally, and he's totally fine with it, but it's just a fantasy for him.

31:00 Drew No, no, no. You're going into a room that he's going to stay in is what's happening.

31:05 Adam Fantasy you get on your birthday.

31:06 Drew Yeah. The fantasy you don't complain about every day. When are we going to do this? When are we going to do this? That's a preoccupation.

31:12 Adam Yeah. John, you ever get the rope out?

31:17 John Hensley I've got a rope in my house. And chase? And run after? I haven't pulled it out yet.

31:21 Adam Yeah. That roping will work.

31:23 John Hensley But that's a room I have yet to go into.

31:24 Adam Were you getting into calf roping where you do the...

31:28 John Hensley No, I never got into that too much.

31:31 Drew What is the team roping?

31:32 John Hensley Team roping is where you basically have two... Yeah, a steer in between two riders. One guy ropes the head and the other one ropes the hinds. That's the one you lay them down and... Yeah, no, that's calf roping where you lay them down in time. Team roping, two guys go out to work...

31:47 Drew That's right, one gets the legs and one gets the head, and you pull them over.

31:50 John Hensley And then as soon as the rope goes tight...

31:51 Adam You gotta jump off the horse, though, right?

31:53 John Hensley No, that's calf roping.

31:54 Adam You still stay on the horse.

31:55 John Hensley You still stay on the horse. Basically. You just stretch it out.

31:59 Drew One guy gets the legs, the back leg gets...

32:01 Adam How do you rope the legs when the thing's running?

32:02 John Hensley You set a trap, when you throw a rope on the hills you don't actually try to catch the hills on the throw.

32:09 Adam You give them a step into it.

32:10 John Hensley Exactly. The rope kind of lays across the front of the...

32:13 Adam See, you think it lays on you and you're high. You'd have to wear like a Stetson hat and that'd be it. You'd be the cowboy guy.

32:22 John Hensley You'd be the roper guy. But if you're in the wrong town...

32:25 Adam Like I said, you don't do that. You bring hockey to Wyoming and you do the roping out here in North Highland. It's going to be perfect. Yes?

32:32 Drew It's perfect.

32:33 Adam There you go. Now just go perfect. Yes?

32:36 Drew Perfect.

32:37 Adam A little less animated. Yes?

32:39 Drew Yes.

32:39 Adam Perfect?

32:40 Drew Perfect. Okay.

32:41 Adam Robin?

32:42 Drew No.

32:42 Adam That's enough. Stop.

32:44 Drew Stop.

32:44 Adam Not kidding. Chris. Just say Chris.

32:47 Drew Chris. Robin.

32:50 Adam You're 25.

32:52 Caller Yeah.

32:53 Drew What's up?

32:55 Caller I actually have had two trips to the psychiatric ward within the last couple of years. The second time that I went in, I had really strange bruises all over my body that were I didn't bang into anything. I have no idea where they came from, and they were odd places like inside of my legs, inside of my arms, and then, you know, within a week of seeing them, I ended up in the psych ward, and I'm starting to notice those same kind of bruises again. Last time I was there was a year ago, last July, and I'm kind of wondering if some sort of deficiency in my body could not only come from the bruises but be causing me to kind of freak out.

33:33 Drew I think it's actually a great question. There are various kinds of conditions that can affect your brain and thereby affect your emotional state, and some things like inflammation of blood vessels can do that, and things that may look like bruises may actually be something a little different. Now there also are, there's been observed, people actually do get something called a painful bruise syndrome, unexplained bruises on their lower extremities typically when they go into, when they have psychiatric conditions, and no one really knows what that is. Then medicines can do that, and then are you drinking? Are you drinking?

34:05 Caller Not excessively, I mean, not getting drunk, nothing like that, you know.

34:10 Adam Why bother? And what, why, what sent you into the psych ward?

34:22 Drew Yeah, absolutely, this, you deserve a very careful medical workup, Robin.

34:25 Adam Well, but is she saying that maybe she inflicted this upon herself?

34:29 Drew No, she's saying these things appear, and then she freaks out and ends up in the psych ward, and she's asking, could this be a medical condition that precipitates the psychiatric syndrome? And absolutely, that could happen.

34:38 Adam But also, she could be loony in doing it to herself, and not knowing it.

34:41 Drew Yeah, there's such a thing, it usually happens, ask her if it occur overnight, do they develop overnight? Robin, do they develop overnight, the bruises?

34:49 Caller Very quickly, within like two days.

34:51 Drew But you go to sleep and you wake up and you have them?

34:55 Caller Yeah, yeah, I mean, I just love the same thing.

34:58 Drew The very rare condition, it's called like the Snyder Diamond Syndrome, or I forget the name of it even, the Gardner Diamond, Gardner Diamond. Yeah, I know, I know, Gardner Diamond, it's called the Gardner Diamond Syndrome. And those are typically appearing overnight and they are more associated with psychiatric stuff per se. But yeah, you'd still deserve a very, it's a very interesting question, Robin, you deserve a careful, careful evaluation.

35:20 Adam All right, let me just get this straight. Everything's normal and hunky dory, you see these bruises and within two days you're having a psychiatric condition or a psychiatric reaction to this that requires hospitalization.

35:31 Caller The first time I went, the first doctor I went to when I had the bruises before I ended up in the psych ward, he was, oh, you're absolutely bipolar. You know, he put me on lithium and I went to get a second opinion from a psychiatrist and he was like, I'm not so sure. So I was just kind of confused. I didn't know if it was a physical thing or a mental thing.

35:50 Drew You need to see a, you need to see a hematologist and maybe a rheumatologist. What's that? I know, but you may need some more sophisticated testing, so, all right?

36:01 Adam All right, baby doll. Good luck.

36:04 John Hensley Have you ever been stumped? Honestly, have you ever gotten a call where you thought, I have no idea?

36:10 Adam No, he's never stumped. He's wrong most of the time.

36:12 Drew Wrong.

36:12 Adam Never stumped. Gives out erroneous information, but he never says he's being stumped.

36:17 John Hensley Because that's really fascinating.

36:20 Drew People only, you know what I mean, when you practice medicine, they only come in so many varieties, you've seen it all a million times.

36:26 John Hensley So you've pretty much seen it all.

36:29 Drew Pretty much.

36:30 Adam Yeah. All right. John? Well, he's seen it. He's seen a thousand faiths.

36:36 Drew But we've never had that call, by the way.

36:38 Adam No, we've never had that call.

36:40 Drew And actually, I'm calling upon something I saw in medical school.

36:43 Adam Really?

36:44 Drew That's when I saw that syndrome.

36:45 Adam Medical school.

36:46 Drew Interestingly, somebody just brought it up about two weeks ago, a patient of mine who had this syndrome but was a severe alcoholic, and clearly the bruises were from his liver dysfunction. But it made me reminded, strangely enough reminded me of this medical school case I saw, and now here we have a question about it.

37:03 Adam Yeah, it is.

37:03 Drew We haven't had, in 20 years, never had that question.

37:05 Adam Now, when you were in medical school, back then, they believed the heart was really the mind, right? That the thinking, that control.

37:12 Drew Yeah, the heart was the seat of the soul.

37:14 Adam Seat of the soul.

37:15 Drew And basically, the brain was sort of like a refrigerator, just to control the temperature.

37:19 Adam Mm-hmm.

37:19 Drew Yeah.

37:20 Adam Mm-hmm. Like the thing that sits on top of an old freezer.

37:22 Drew Right, right. The ice box. The coil, yeah.

37:25 Adam Yeah, and the heart would do that. And they believed people were hollow, I believe. You say it for the first two years?

37:30 Drew No, no, no. You're filled with bile.

37:32 Adam Oh, bile.

37:33 Drew With the humors. Humors.

37:34 Adam You're right. That was the first couple of years.

37:37 Drew Four years, yeah.

37:38 Adam Oh, of medical school. I'm just saying, there was a change at a certain point. Oh, yeah, yeah.

37:42 Drew Well, that's later.

37:43 Adam One from candles to incandescent lighting at a certain point, yes? Guys would read from scrolls.

37:49 Drew Well, Galen was actually one of my teachers.

37:52 Adam Really?

37:54 Drew After he finished up with the Roman Senate, he started teaching medical school.

37:58 Adam Really? Did you actually met Hippocrates? Is that true?

38:03 Drew He was ancient. Ancient. He'd been dead for many hundreds of years at that point.

38:06 Adam Hundreds of years.

38:07 Drew Hundreds of years, yeah.

38:07 Adam Interesting. I just thought it'd be, if you could meet the guy who actually came up with the oath.

38:12 Caller I know.

38:12 Drew But he'd been gone three, four hundred years.

38:13 Adam How about the guy who invented the snake on the cave?

38:17 Drew That was Hermetic, Hermes.

38:19 Adam Hermes. We've got the herpes. Hermes. Hermes. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Who invented the serpent on the stick.

38:25 Drew It actually, actually it's the...

38:27 Adam Couldn't you guys do better than that, by the way?

38:29 Drew The guys that turned salt to gold, the...

38:32 Adam Alchemist?

38:33 Drew Alchemist.

38:34 Adam There was an alchemist.

38:34 Drew You used some of that stuff.

38:35 Adam You had an alchemist as a professor? And what is the serpent on the stick going up that cane?

38:42 Drew There's a lot of different theories of where it came from.

38:44 Adam What's it called?

38:46 Drew A scapula... I can't pronounce it. I'll look it up for you if you want me to pronounce it.

38:51 Adam You told it to me many years ago. By the way, if you're gonna do... That scares people, everybody.

38:57 Drew That staff?

38:58 Adam The snake on the old man's cane. That's two things we don't need to see. We don't need to see the feeble cane and we don't need the snake going up it.

39:06 Drew The original one was actually in Egypt. There was one snake around a staff.

39:09 Adam Yeah.

39:10 Drew And the Egyptian... Chris is standing up saying, Let's get out.

39:13 Adam Let's go frisbee. That's all I'm saying.

39:15 Drew I'll go look it up.

39:16 Adam Go look it up. Let's take a little break. John Hensley's here tonight from NipTuck. Tuesday night. It's 10 o'clock on FX. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

39:30 So get your problems ready.

39:35 Adam Drew, how much money do guys spend trying to get chicks? Into the billions? Yes. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LEV-E-191. John Hensley here tonight from Nip-Tuck on FX, 10 o'clock, Tuesday nights. Before we left, Drew was, we were talking about the staff or the cane that had the snake, the serpent winding up it. Yes, Drew?

40:15 Drew The sort of medical symbol? The two snakes with the wings was something arbitrarily picked up by the, no, that's the magic wand of Hermes, which would become the Caduceus, which was associated with the alchemist, and it was arbitrarily picked up in 1902 by the army in the United States. Before that, it had been the staff of Asclepius.

40:36 Adam Asclepius?

40:37 Drew Asclepius.

40:38 Adam Asclepius.

40:38 Drew Asclepius, which was a single snake around a staff, a naughty staff, and that came from the Greek stuff.

40:44 Adam What about the Caduceus?

40:46 Drew Caduceus is the two snakes with the wings. That's Hermes' things.

40:50 Adam Oh, come on, buddy. Well, what's a Caduceus, then?

40:53 Drew Caduceus is what was arbitrarily picked up by the United States.

40:56 Adam Doesn't mean anything.

40:58 Drew It's just, yeah, it's just a staff of Hermes.

41:01 Adam A Hermes staff is a Caduceus? All right, get over here.

41:05 Drew If you wanna know, it's described in the story of Tiresias of Poulenc.

41:10 Adam All right, that's enough. Brad Pitt's gonna star as a Caduceus. Let's go.

41:15 Drew I wanted to be Hepatitis in the upcoming series.

41:18 Adam You're Crapolius is what you are. Let's go. Here we go. Let's break it down now. Let's get it together. Let's get a hand in it. Let's do a show. Can we do a show?

41:26 Drew Without information? Yeah, of course.

41:27 Adam Let's help the teens. All right. John?

41:33 Yes.

41:33 Adam You're 23? Yes, I am.

41:35 Caller Can you remember anything that Drew just said? Like what?

41:43 Drew Good times.

41:44 Adam Go ahead, buddy.

41:48 Caller Basically, I was dating Bill for about three and a half years.

41:52 Adam To what for three and a half years?

41:53 Drew Seeing a girl for three and a half years.

41:55 Adam All right.

41:57 Caller Well, I was dating her for three and a half years. I mean, I kinda did something stupid. I mean, things were going good. We had gone to high school together, but at the end of the relationship, she caught me taping her.

42:13 Adam At the end of the relationship.

42:15 Caller Well, I should say that's kind of a good reason why it ended.

42:20 Drew The taping ended it. The discovery of the taping caused the end.

42:23 Adam Was it on the way out anyway?

42:28 Caller No, she found it and she...

42:30 Drew What do you mean she found it? What were the circumstances?

42:35 Caller Like what was on it?

42:37 Drew No, is she fishing, she found a tape?

42:39 Adam This is either bogus or John is just colossally stupid and has trouble tracking.

42:43 Drew Well, let's see if we can get something out of it.

42:45 Adam I don't know.

42:45 Drew Give me a minute.

42:46 Adam It's the handball against the drapes thing. And I can't stand talking to people.

42:51 Drew John?

42:52 Caller Yes.

42:52 Drew You're saying she found a cassette?

42:56 Caller Well, it was on a web, it wasn't on a website, it was on a web camera.

43:02 Drew A web camera that you recorded onto your computer?

43:04 Adam Did she find the camera?

43:06 Caller No, she found it on my computer in the file in the computer.

43:12 Drew Oh, quaint, it's a new twist on an old theme. Like a Sklepius and a Caduceus.

43:17 Adam Drew once had one of those amusement park sketch artists hidden in the closet, got a shot of him having sex with a chick. So the problem is she was on a skateboard and their hearts coming out of her head. Drew wasn't in the picture. It really turned out to be a huge waste of money for you, Drew, but that's what we had back then.

43:37 Drew But it was a great likeness.

43:38 Adam That's all we had. Yeah, but huge teeth. Yeah, but that's all we had. We didn't have this webcam, you understand? That's all we had. All right, John. How did, I barely believe you, John, but how did you let her find it on your computer?

43:53 Caller Oh, I didn't let her find it. She basically went through my files and found it herself.

44:00 Adam Why was she going through? I know, you didn't present, you idiot. What are people so god damn stupid at calling her?

44:08 Drew Well, at least he proved what the problem was.

44:10 Adam She went on to my computer, went through everything, and then she found it. All right.

44:16 Drew He showed himself. Here we go.

44:17 Adam I know she found it, but look, when you've done the webcam and got the picture of the old lady on the computer, you don't let her near the computer. I know. Now how?

44:26 Caller Right, I understand that, but she, I had it in a file, which was in the file, in the file, which I thought no way she would be able to find it, but.

44:34 Adam What was it marked? Was it marked something good? Do you mark files?

44:37 Caller I just marked it like 001 something, something stupid, but basically the fact is that, you know, it's like when she found it, and I think she was trying to find an excuse.

44:48 Adam All right, here's what you mark it. World War II trivia. They run out, they run out of the room with their eyes bleeding.

44:57 Drew Korean War.

44:58 Adam You're a chicken pie. Right, just like Korean War, friend or foe. It just, yeah.

45:04 Drew The Pueblo Crisis.

45:05 Adam That's right. Yeah, just put something that has war, the Korean War is even more boring. Yeah, that's good. They'll never look at that. Never, never, because it's impossible, because otherwise they would know something. John, all right, so she found it, yeah.

45:21 Caller Yeah, she found it, but she had this like hate towards men because of her dad, and I think she was trying to find an excuse to find something against me, and it's like.

45:32 Adam All right, then that's enough. All right, that's enough. You guys are broken up. You're an idiot for taping her or filming her. She's got issues with men. It's been three and a half years. That's enough. Fine, you're broken up. Break up with her.

45:47 Drew Before the bogus comes on, let's get rid of it. I don't believe it. It didn't seem right to me. Something's wrong with that.

45:56 Adam But anyway, look, the point is you guys have been dating since high school. He says high school, but he's 23.

46:02 Drew They knew each other in high school, then they dated.

46:04 Adam Okay, that's enough. You're broken up.

46:06 Drew And she hates men, for god's sakes.

46:08 Adam And you have a penis. Christopher?

46:11 Drew Maybe.

46:12 Hello?

46:13 Adam You're 23?

46:15 Caller Yes.

46:15 Adam What's the question?

46:16 Caller My question is for Dr. Drew. I explored anal sex with my girlfriend just a couple of days ago, but I talked to one of my buddies and he says you can get hepatitis from anal sex.

46:32 Adam What about it, Drew?

46:33 Drew We'll address that after the break.

46:34 Caller All right, well, look.

46:35 Drew Christopher can wait three more minutes before he gets to answer that question.

46:38 Adam Yeah, if you can get it from sharing an hors d'oeuvre toothpick with somebody, the cornholing, I would say. By the way, you can get stuff that hasn't been invented from anal sex. If you can get it, I think you can pass lung cancer. Actually, creative. Yeah, God just sort of looks at it and goes, give me a little tumor. All right, let's take a little break. John Hensley here tonight from Nip Tuck, Tuesday nights on FX. We'll take a quick break, we'll be right back.

47:12 Alright guys, here's the deal.

47:13 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:17 Adam One call is all you need to make. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. John Hensley's here tonight from Nip Tuck on FX. Thank you very much, Tuesday nights. Yestra.

47:37 Drew Yes, Adam.

47:38 Adam What's going on? You're on the computer? Seeing something you like?

47:40 Drew I'm still trying to find the Egyptian connection with Asclepius, I know it's there.

47:45 Adam Stop striving for excellence, Drew. Kick back, spark up a bowl, let life pass you by.

47:52 Drew Somebody asked me, I was talking to someone last night, and they go, is Adam a pot guy or an alcohol guy? And I go, oh please, red wine. How dare you?

48:01 Adam I'm potical, I'll take them both. Now here's the thing, I don't really smoke weed anymore. You can't get into it. If I'm at a party and there's a joint going around, absolutely. But I don't really, it's just around a smoke pot anymore. It's too much thinking. Give me a little red wine. I gotta wind it down a little bit. Know what I mean? Gotta reel it in just a little bit.

48:25 Drew You say give you some red wine once in a while?

48:27 Adam No, no, no, all the time.

48:28 Drew Every night.

48:29 Adam Every night, every night. It's my medicine.

48:31 John Hensley It's good for the heart.

48:32 Adam It's good for the heart.

48:33 Drew My medicine.

48:34 Adam Well, a little weed at a party's nice, you know, the joint. Know what I mean? Weed's too good now, though. I don't think I could take a bong load. Get too loose, you know? Freak out. Freak out, man. Know what I'm saying?

48:48 Drew Freak out.

48:50 Adam John, you like booze? You like weed? You like weed?

48:52 John Hensley I like neither.

48:53 Adam Really?

48:54 John Hensley Yeah.

48:54 Adam That's right. Me neither. It's my thing. I'm high on life, buddy. You don't like booze?

49:00 John Hensley No, not too much.

49:01 Adam You'll get into it. How old are you?

49:03 John Hensley God, I'll be 27 this month.

49:04 Adam You'll get it. You know what? I wasn't into it when I was 27. Really? Now, it's a problem. Yeah.

49:11 Drew Progressive condition.

49:12 Adam It's progressive. It's spinning out of control. I'm drunk now.

49:15 John Hensley Any day now.

49:16 Adam Drew, get me some booze. Go, I don't care what it is, kerosene, whatever it is, rubbing alcohol, break into me. Whatever, Sterino.

49:23 Drew Mouthwash.

49:23 Adam Yeah.

49:24 John Hensley Vanilla extract.

49:25 Adam Here's the thing. I didn't think I started drinking red wine until I was like 31, 32, something like that. You know, let's just say leave the window open for booze.

49:36 John Hensley It always is.

49:37 Adam Okay, all right, good. Christopher?

49:40 Drew Always is.

49:41 Adam Yep. You're 23?

49:45 Drew This is the anal sex thing.

49:46 Adam Oh yeah, yeah, that's right. Had unprotected anal sex with the girlfriend.

49:51 Caller Yes.

49:51 Adam Anyone know if Hep C can be passed that way? Did I make that up?

49:56 Caller I heard from my buddy that it's possible.

49:59 Drew Well, if she has it, does she have hepatitis?

50:01 Caller I don't know. We actually, during the two years, we have not been tested.

50:05 Drew Is she an IV drug user?

50:06 Caller She used to blow lots of coke, but that's about it.

50:11 Drew But never shot it?

50:12 Caller No, never.

50:13 Drew So it's unlikely she has Hep C. But yes, Hep C, she'd be more likely to get it from you than you from she, but yeah, you can get it that way. You also can get hepatitis B, though there is a vaccine for that out there, and if you're gonna be engaging in anal sex, I would certainly encourage you to get that vaccine. And then there's rectal fistulas and fissures and abscess, all kinds of wonderful things that women can get around the anus that, for some reason, I guess there will be cumulative pathology, things that the area's gonna break down. I showed you the vaginal prolapse the other day, that freaked you out. You have rectal prolapse too.

50:48 Adam You mean if that area gets used and abused too much as a youngin?

50:53 Drew Yeah.

50:54 Adam Really?

50:55 Drew Yeah.

50:55 Adam I say youngin, I mean younger person, not nine, not nine, but 11.

51:02 Drew All kinds of lovely things can happen.

51:04 Adam Really?

51:04 Drew Yeah.

51:06 Adam Yeah. To me, you're asking for trouble if you put too many miles on that area. Once in a while, you go out and take a first spin. But then a nice sitz bath and some red wine and a little reefer, something to take the edge off.

51:20 Drew Don't you need that to sort of relax that area?

51:23 Adam I do at the beginning to dilate it. Yeah, to dilate it, he's a hairdryer.

51:28 Drew A hairdryer?

51:29 Adam Yeah, dilates it. Don't ask me, it becomes like a camera aperture, it's like a Bond door or something, it just opens up. James Bond movies, that's what happened. You hit it with the-

51:41 Drew I mean, the beginning of the James Bond movie.

51:43 Adam Yeah, you hit it with the Lady Remington, the 2000 series.

51:48 Drew Do you go actually in with the wand there?

51:51 Adam Eventually, I can't get it in there.

51:54 Drew Eventually, eventually. Graduated acrylic cylinders are leading up to that though.

51:58 Adam No, I just hit it with the dryer and it just starts to open up.

52:01 Drew What was it we decided a used anal plug was called? Remember we had a term for that a couple nights ago?

52:08 Adam I can't remember what a used butt plug is called. I do know there's certain things where you get a discount and this is definitely one of them, you know what I mean?

52:18 Drew Yeah, why not?

52:19 Adam Drew, new first, scraping the glasses on the microphone. Usually just punch it.

52:24 Drew No, we're getting creative.

52:26 Adam All right, let's keep rocking. What do you say, John? Let's go, let's focus now. Let's break it down, get a hand.

52:32 Drew John Hensley, nip-tuck.

52:34 Adam Yeah, nip-tuck, nip-tuck. Had a horrible gym coach in junior high named Hensley.

52:40 Drew Oh really?

52:40 Adam Really. A nasty guy. Getting kids in headlocks, screaming at everybody. Had that weird Marine haircut. Yeah, it was back in the day, too, where everyone else had long hair. Mean, scary. It was like tobacco chores. Yeah, just back when it was okay for, like here's how the rules went in my junior high. There was no corporal punishment of a child, but a gym coach could whack you around a little, and that was kind of understood.

53:09 Drew I remember in fourth grade watching a gym coach bend a child, a bend over, and the kid was like, what, bend over, screaming bend over, and then came running at him and just kicked him, and kicked him as hard as he could in the rear. Nine years old.

53:22 Adam I know, nine?

53:23 John Hensley That's insane.

53:24 Drew That's insane.

53:24 John Hensley Yeah.

53:25 Adam Yeah.

53:26 Drew That's how things were, huh?

53:29 Adam Oh, here's what, here were the rules, basically. Regular teacher could not really physically hit you, but they could grab your collar and kind of, you know, it could straighten you out a little bit. Gym coach couldn't make a fist and punch you, but if they needed to strong-arm you a little bit, get you in a little.

53:48 Drew They had a paddle, too, remember that?

53:50 Adam Yeah.

53:50 Drew They could bring out a bat, basically.

53:52 Adam Gym coaches were essentially the dad of the teacher family. Like, like.

53:57 Drew No, they're the abusive grandfather.

53:59 John Hensley Yeah, they're the imposter.

54:00 Drew Yeah, the crazy.

54:01 Adam Yeah, but I mean, it's like, sort of wait till your father gets home, then we'll see how smart you are, you know, that kind of thing. That was the gym coach. Yeah, Mr. Hensley one time. This kid was like, monkey around, it was raining, and he was standing by the downspout, and he was screwing around in the water or something, and like Hensley did one of those things, like, hey, get off the field there, it's raining, bring it in. The guy kind of looked at Hensley, and like in a psh, kept screwing around. Oh no, had big headlock, and throwing him, you know the crazy talk while they're inflicting all that. I told you. And it's like, it's as if the kid's struggling, but the kid ain't struggling. It's sort of like what a cat does when it kills a lizard, it whacks it one time, it slides and then it pounces on it again, like it's trying to escape. It's like, no, it's dead. You just knocked it across the linoleum, that's all. It's not going under its own power, you did it. They do it in a headlock, pull the kid, don't fight with me. The kid's a rag doll, by the way.

54:56 Drew That's great. And three feet tall.

54:58 Adam And there's nothing. And by the way, kid didn't want to tell his parents back then because dad found out, might give him another shot. What are you disrespecting Mr. Hensley for? You know what I'm saying?

55:09 Drew Crazy.

55:09 Adam That's all right. That kid had it coming. And look, better than how it is now, right?

55:15 Drew No.

55:16 Adam Calling him by his first name and telling him he's gonna sue him.

55:19 Drew No, that's not good.

55:20 Adam You know what I'm saying?

55:20 Drew That's not good, but all the kids I saw on the street did not turn out right.

55:23 Adam Oh, please. Please.

55:26 Drew I mean, they were already going down a path, but.

55:28 Adam They're fine. How about that kid where the guy got a running start, kicked him in the ass?

55:31 Drew Did not turn out good.

55:31 Adam Where is he? Is he all right? Kick them right in the face.

55:36 John Hensley And tell me if I'm wrong, but it seems like kids like that, it's not just at school where they get it. It sort of surrounds them.

55:42 Drew Of course, they bring it on. Yes, they recreate that kind of abuse everywhere they go.

55:47 John Hensley Absolutely, and it's sort of something they bring to school with them from home.

55:51 Adam They get in everyone's crosshairs. They get on everyone's last nerve, and then later on it goes from teachers and PE coaches to cops, really, and gang members and things like that. They just get the girlfriends and boyfriends of, ex-boyfriends of girlfriends, everyone just starts beating the crap out of them.

56:07 Drew Right, bar rooms problems.

56:09 Adam Yeah, Crystal?

56:12 Hello?

56:12 Adam You're 20?

56:14 Caller Yes.

56:14 Adam What's happening?

56:17 Caller My boyfriend's penis is really small, and when we have sex, I can't feel him at all. And I wanted to know if there's any positions other than me on top that would work.

56:32 Adam How big is he?

56:34 Caller Like height-wise and everything?

56:38 Drew Yeah, Crystal, yeah.

56:40 Adam What's he coming in in kilos?

56:43 Drew Volume, displacement.

56:45 Adam How big's his penis, goofball?

56:48 Caller No, four, maybe five inches.

56:50 Drew Five and a half is normal.

56:53 Caller No, probably four. I haven't measured it, I don't know. I don't know.

56:58 Adam And women, this is why they can't parallel park, have no idea. Look at this pen, how long is it? Nine feet, an inch, I don't know. 26 feet, two miles, an acre. I don't know, stump. That's why they can't, that's why they can't do it.

57:13 Drew What is it like, that's like seven inches?

57:15 Adam Yeah. Six and a half, seven.

57:17 Drew Let me check and see what.

57:18 Adam Yeah, you're good, you're calibrated. John?

57:21 John Hensley I give it six, six and a half maybe. Something like that.

57:24 Adam Yeah, the guys can do this. The chicks, you can't do it. I tell you, my wife wanted to cover the pool up once for make a dance floor on it. It's like, so what's it?

57:35 Drew Make a dance floor in the pool? Oh, that's your part, yeah.

57:37 Adam We got a piece, yeah. We put a pretty piece of plywood on it. Piece of plywood, that's four by eight. That's not gonna do it? Think it's like Olympic size swimming pool probably. Yeah, yeah. What are you, two pieces? What the hell's wrong? What's going on? Drew, check her for a tumor.

57:53 Drew I think we need to, yes.

57:55 Adam Let's do the flashlight and put it, do that thing where you track with the eyes and see if they get too wiggly to some point, like the cops do on the side of the road.

58:02 Drew The optic disc, line two.

58:03 Adam Piece of plywood. Crystal. Yeah. All right, so a small penis.

58:09 Drew And I understand, which I have no, I can't understand what your question's coming from. Why haven't you tried different positions if you're interested in finding different positions?

58:18 Adam She's angry and she just wants to talk about it on the radio. Thank you.

58:22 Caller No, it's missionary, like regular, doesn't work. He's always coming out.

58:29 Adam All right, but hold on a second. How many of us have been banged by a guy with an extraordinarily small penis? Okay, John, yeah. Okay. Actually, what I'm saying is we're not really qualified to tell you which, you know, well, when I was a reverse cowgirl on top of my dude.

58:47 Drew Wait, wait, wait, really, let's think about this. Actually, interesting thing I'm just thinking here. Really, the base.

58:53 Adam What's the deepest penetration?

58:55 Drew But there are three basic positions, right?

58:58 Adam That's right.

58:59 Drew I mean, that's it. Everything else is just sort of variations, you know, sort of on that theme, right?

59:05 Adam Well, what's the deepest, okay. What position do you tell them not to get in when the guy has a huge penis? Aha.

59:14 Drew Probably a doggy.

59:15 Adam Probably a doggy. John, going doggy?

59:18 John Hensley Sure. Yeah, I concur.

59:20 Adam I concur. Flip over the cars. Yes, doggy! Where's the bell? Where's that stupid bell? All right, wait a minute. Wait a minute, we're talking to Crystal?

59:30 Drew What were the contestants in those days in the old?

59:33 Adam Arlene Francis.

59:33 Drew Arlene Francis. Who's the guy that ended up in being John Malkovich?

59:38 Adam Ah, oh, Roddy. I'm gonna think of it. All right, here's the thing. I gotta look it up. I'll figure it out for you. Crystal.

59:49 Caller Yeah.

59:49 Adam Okay, does he give you oral sex?

59:53 Caller Yes.

59:54 Adam He does. Is he good at it? Is he good at it?

59:56 Caller Yeah.

59:57 Adam He is. Okay, do you have an orgasm? Yeah. Okay. How do you, do you like your dad? You do. And you like him. You like men and you like your boyfriend.

1:00:10 Caller Yeah, I love him.

1:00:11 Drew Are you worried that it's not satisfying him when he pops out like that?

1:00:14 Adam No, it's not satisfying her.

1:00:15 Caller Yeah. Because he always apologizes and.

1:00:20 Drew So you do want to find someone that doesn't embarrass him, a little smoother action.

1:00:25 Adam Doggie.

1:00:25 Drew Yeah.

1:00:27 Caller No, we can't.

1:00:28 Drew Why?

1:00:29 Caller Because it doesn't work. He can't.

1:00:31 Adam Can't make it? He got some ass on you?

1:00:36 Caller No.

1:00:37 Adam He can't make it to, he can't make it from the rough to the green, you know what I'm saying? To the brown.

1:00:42 Caller Well, I don't know if he's a, he's a bigger guy.

1:00:45 Drew Well, he's got the big.

1:00:46 Adam He's got a gut on him. Hold on a second. I'll tell you, that is, that is bad times at the gym. That's bad times at the gym.

1:00:55 Drew That's the turtle penis.

1:00:57 Adam Yeah, when you got that, and by the way, I believe this is why fat guys don't, you know, everyone's like, hey, you gotta work out. You gotta hit the gym. It's like, not with this thing. I got a, I got a purple thimble, basically super glued to my, to my ponch. You know what I'm saying?

1:01:17 Drew Yeah.

1:01:17 Adam No one needs that.

1:01:18 Drew Well, you know, that comes from-

1:01:20 Adam The testes start to shrink up too.

1:01:21 Drew Forget the fact that the panus, the gut starts to overtake the penis.

1:01:27 Adam You never want that.

1:01:28 Drew Yeah, there's that, but there's also the elevated estrogen levels from all the fat. The adipose tissue, the estrogen goes up, penis goes down. Tests go down.

1:01:35 Adam This guy's all areola and panus. Yeah, that's bad times.

1:01:40 Drew There's always that double panus, too.

1:01:42 That's a nice look.

1:01:43 Adam All right, wait a minute.

1:01:44 John Hensley What a nice place for a belt.

1:01:46 Adam Crystal?

1:01:47 Caller Yes.

1:01:49 Adam How overweight is he?

1:01:52 Caller He's probably 6'3 and probably 280.

1:01:56 Drew Ooh, got some brains there.

1:02:00 Adam How about he works on the weight?

1:02:03 Caller Yeah, I was wondering if maybe that would help.

1:02:07 Adam It helps, it helps. You rarely, you rarely, okay, so he's got the big gut on him. He can't go doggy. He's got to work on his weight. He's a young man.

1:02:14 Drew By the way, he could do the doggy thing, too. He could.

1:02:17 Adam Yeah, just wake the gut up. Set it on your back.

1:02:20 Drew Yeah, use your back.

1:02:21 Adam Crystal, how old is he? He's 23. All right, he's got to work on the weight.

1:02:27 Drew For his own well-being.

1:02:28 Adam God bless you for being with him, though.

1:02:31 Drew He does get to work.

1:02:32 Adam Yeah, that's true. Here's the old dillio, we haven't really talked about this, but you rarely see a really bony, skinny guy with a small penis. At worst, it looks media.

1:02:43 Drew Or at least not that you notice.

1:02:45 Adam You don't notice it. You don't notice it. Oh, you know it's a combination, once I've seen it in porn films. The black dude with no waist, just, I mean, his waist is, from one hip to the other, I love it. From one hip to the other, nine inches, really, literally nine inches, and then 11 inches worth of dog is hanging in between. Like, if you broke his penis off, he could use it like a belt. Like, you know the brothers that just don't have hips? Like, it just heads in. It just, I don't know how the pants stay up, but it just heads in. There's no lump. There's no bump. You don't know where the belt goes. It just heads in. And then the big dork on top of that. Little outy belly button in the veins and the washboard abs and all that. You got that. Here's the thing. I've talked about this before, but it's been a while. The picture, the mailbox on the post.

1:03:37 Drew You're kind of scaring me a little bit. That's become your preoccupation, your porn view. You've gotten away from the chicks with the big boobs, the skinny black guys with the big dorks.

1:03:46 Adam Yeah, that's my thing.

1:03:48 Drew That's your thing.

1:03:48 Adam I think that's a red wine talking too.

1:03:50 Drew Yeah, could be.

1:03:51 Adam Yeah.

1:03:51 Drew God knows.

1:03:52 Adam That's my thing.

1:03:53 Drew Yeah.

1:03:53 Adam Yeah.

1:03:54 Drew You're scaring me.

1:03:57 Adam No. Come on, I'm a big boob guy, Drew.

1:03:59 Drew Yeah, I know. Maybe it's a ruse for the extra male hiding behind the sensitive male.

1:04:06 Adam No. Here's all I'm saying. You got the... Picture this, John. I'm with you. You're with me?

1:04:11 Caller Yeah.

1:04:11 Adam Mailbox.

1:04:12 Drew John Hensley, Nip Talk.

1:04:13 Caller Yeah.

1:04:14 Drew Hopefully, we'll have a job next year soon. It'll be on the show. It'll be on the show.

1:04:19 Adam I heard the S word on the show tonight. It's a filthy show. You have the mailbox. It's on the lawn. It's on the post, on that four by four post that's sucking the lawn. You let all the grass around the post get high and the post is gonna look short. You trim it up.

1:04:35 Drew You trim it up.

1:04:36 Adam I do. You trim it up.

1:04:37 Drew It looks longer.

1:04:39 Adam Get that area around the joint. Push it, get it down and trim some of the pubes too.

1:04:44 Drew Keep it down.

1:04:45 Adam Looks bigger.

1:04:45 Drew Cut the grass.

1:04:46 Adam Cut the grass. And take those big mounds of dirt. Now what this guy has is a mailbox post with three big mounds of dirt all the way around.

1:04:56 Drew There's been a mudslide.

1:04:57 Adam Mudslide.

1:04:57 Drew Just overtaking the thing.

1:04:58 Adam Overtaking it. And now there's just a tip sticking out. Get rid of that. That's right.

1:05:06 Drew All right.

1:05:07 Adam The panics. Elizabeth.

1:05:10 Drew Wow. What a discussion.

1:05:12 Adam Important.

1:05:12 Drew So proud.

1:05:13 Caller I'm so proud.

1:05:14 Drew Yeah. Thanks, Elizabeth.

1:05:15 Adam Drew preening over here from that discussion we just had.

1:05:18 Drew What's up?

1:05:19 Caller I know.

1:05:19 Caller I was listening to that. Powerful.

1:05:21 Adam Powerful stuff. Go ahead, baby doll. You're 18.

1:05:25 Caller Yeah.

1:05:26 Caller So I've been with this guy for like three years. I was 15 and he was 16, but I mean, it's been three years and he still doesn't want to have sex with me. Ooh.

1:05:37 Drew What's the reason?

1:05:38 Caller Normally, you'd think that since he's a guy that that's what he would want.

1:05:41 Drew Well, we kind of, we kind of, I go to, yeah, here's your girlfriend's listening to you or you're the guy friends who put you up to this listening to the other line.

1:05:48 Adam But got a little bogus. But it's not just the pickup. But when her goes, normally you think he's the guy, you think that's what he would want. Anyway, she's selling it to her.

1:05:57 Drew Yeah. Two ways to go with it. Uh, there's some reason with him for he's a keeper. You know what I mean?

1:06:04 Caller Just like, like he could either be a keeper because he's waiting or, or I could just leave him.

1:06:11 Adam Yeah.

1:06:13 John Hensley No, I mean, I, I, yeah, I don't think it's one or the other necessarily.

1:06:17 Drew No, that wasn't what I was referring to at all, in fact. That's what your bogus call mind.

1:06:20 Adam This feels bogus to us, Elizabeth. Is there a guy? Who's the guy in the room? Yeah. Somebody put you up to this.

1:06:28 Caller Put me up to this?

1:06:34 Adam Yes. Put you up to this. I am calling you nothing more than a puppet in the hands of a man who's interested in bogus calls. Who's on the other line?

1:06:47 Drew Elizabeth? Are you there? Gone.

1:06:52 Adam Did she hang up?

1:06:53 Drew Seems like it.

1:06:54 Adam All right.

1:06:55 Drew Elizabeth?

1:07:01 Adam But did she actually hang up?

1:07:03 Drew I don't know.

1:07:04 Adam It sounded like it.

1:07:05 Drew Get back on the floor with her. We like to talk to her.

1:07:07 Adam People have many different reactions when we call them out as bogus. Usually they make some sort of half-hearted, semi-retarded defense of themselves, oftentimes by repeating the last word I said. I think this is a bogus phone call. Bogus phone call? Yeah.

1:07:24 Drew Who's the guy that put you up to this? Put me up to this?

1:07:27 Adam Then there's a lot of silence.

1:07:28 Caller Yeah.

1:07:28 Adam A lot of just deer in the headlights. I can smell wood burning, a lot of processing going on. People don't think on the fly too quickly on this show, it's like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Probably exchanging looks from down the hall with the guy who put them up.

1:07:45 John Hensley Yeah, they're doing the thing where they hold the phone away and they go, oh my God.

1:07:49 Adam Oh no, what do I do now? He's doing the stretch thing and sometimes the wrap it up and the stretch thing. And then they just pass out and hang up. That's good.

1:07:59 Caller That's good.

1:07:59 Adam What is it? How come chicks don't have the bogus call gene?

1:08:05 Drew It's an aggressive thing. It's an aggression.

1:08:08 Adam Yeah, it's like they're not good with crime until a guy drags them into it. Once in a while they can be an accomplice, but it's not their idea to do it.

1:08:15 Drew You know what it is? Women are not into senseless things. You know what I mean? What's the sense of calling a radio show and saying something bogus? I mean, it's senseless. Or calling somebody out of the blue and doing a bogus call. It's like, huh? Women are like, wait a minute.

1:08:30 Adam I know, but on the other hand, they'll spend 1800 bucks for a handbag.

1:08:36 Drew Different kind of senseless.

1:08:37 Adam I know, it's worse. It's a scare. Guys like to torture other guys.

1:08:43 Drew Yeah, even if they never see them or meet them.

1:08:46 Adam Absolutely.

1:08:47 Drew Just at a distance, yeah.

1:08:48 Adam Yeah. No, I mean, guys, we like to provoke people.

1:08:51 Drew Yeah. It's an aggressive thing.

1:08:52 Adam We like to tug people's chains.

1:08:54 Drew Yeah, aggression. Yeah. Senseless aggressive acts.

1:08:56 Adam Right.

1:08:57 Drew For women, aggressive acts.

1:08:58 Adam This makes sense.

1:08:58 Drew Revolve around diamonds and leather.

1:09:01 Adam Yeah, and they gotta want, they'll, I mean, the clause will come out, but they gotta have a reason. Try to get rid of a chick.

1:09:07 Drew It's not senseless. At least they see it.

1:09:09 Adam All right. Let's take a little break. John Hensley here tonight from NipTuck, Tuesday Nights.

1:09:14 Drew When we return.

1:09:15 Adam When we return, who are we gonna talk to? Oh, Germany or Florida. This is huge.

1:09:19 Drew Oh, wow.

1:09:19 Adam All right, after this. Hey everybody, it's Loveline, man. That's Dr. Drew. Matthew Lillard in here a little bit later in the week. John Hensley here tonight from NipTuck, Tuesday Nights at 10 o'clock on FX. Heard the S word on, so it's gotta be good. Drew, get over here. Come on, buddy.

1:09:51 John Hensley The S word. We're on its way to the F word.

1:09:54 Adam Speaking of our, yeah, soon, on our website. Yeah, it was Matthew Lillard. I pulled up last night, I pulled up to the studio last night about, let's see, about 9.50. Well, I'm still in my car about 9.54. No, about 9.54 I pulled in, that was early. And there's a guy standing out front with, I could tell he was one of my spazs out there. What do I call him, Drew?

1:10:24 Drew Sploozers.

1:10:25 Adam Sploozers. Part spaz, part loser. Actually, part spaz, all loser. When I get the picture of Matthew Lillard, although I naturally didn't know who was on the show that night.

1:10:34 Drew Sure.

1:10:35 Adam Tell you what the sploozers are good for, I get to find out who's on the show.

1:10:37 Drew Yeah, as you drive in.

1:10:39 Adam So I rolled my window, I saw him standing there waiting to get an autograph and I said, well, it's not for me.

1:10:42 Drew Well, first you think, oh good, it's going to be a hot girl.

1:10:45 Adam Yeah.

1:10:45 Drew Because that's what those guys stand for.

1:10:47 Adam Spaz, spazzy internet guy. And then, hey, what are you waiting for? I'm going to get a, who are you getting, who, who, who? Matthew Lillard. Oh, he's on tonight. All right. Good enough. I got three minutes to figure it out. So I come in here expecting to see Matthew Lillard and it turns out not until Thursday.

1:11:04 Drew Because the website hasn't been changed yet.

1:11:06 Adam Right.

1:11:06 Drew Which is shocking.

1:11:07 Adam But you can still get it, is it HIV from the KREC website?

1:11:12 Drew No, they didn't change it to that.

1:11:15 Adam Oh, that's right. We're still on Anthrax?

1:11:16 Drew Anthrax, yeah.

1:11:17 Adam All right, so tune in, get Anthrax. All right, it's time to play Germany or Florida, everybody. Now this game is just sweeping the country. Here's how it works, John. Every bizarre story emanates from either Germany or Florida. And I just mean if something royally effed up has gone on, somebody cut their toes off and fried them up and ate them, it happened in either Germany or Florida. Okay. Germany really is the Florida of Europe. And Florida is the Germany of the States. Yes? Yes. All right. Yes, John.

1:11:50 John Hensley Me? Yeah. I was gonna say I actually met a guy from Germany once who would open beer bottles with his eye.

1:11:58 Drew That's Germany.

1:11:58 Adam Yeah. That's Germany.

1:11:59 Drew Could have been Florida.

1:12:00 John Hensley Very German of him.

1:12:03 Drew See, we'd go Germany just because the beer reference.

1:12:06 John Hensley It was actually in Wyoming and we'd make him do it over and over again. We couldn't figure out how he wasn't cutting himself. He would just wedge it up in his skull and pop bottle tops.

1:12:15 Adam I like that. I appreciate the guy who's handy with a lighter, too, opening a bottle. You know, just uses the lighter, just uses the edge of the light, but he's fast, he's painless. You know the best guy, the fridge, William Refrigerator Perry, he has a, I think it was like a Super Bowl ring. He's got a huge ring. First off, he's got a hand to mitt, to catcher's mitt. It's like a bear claw, you know, it's just a huge paw. And you give him your beer, and he just does this with it. Just takes his wedding ring, catches it on the lip, and just with one hand, it's like a big mitt. It's like sliding it into the Coke machine, and they just pop, as long as it went fishing with them. So I drank like 30 beers. Fridge! Boom! Hands are right back. That's nice. That means it's a little, it's a sort of alcoholic James Bond kind of move. It just means, there's a guy you want to go camping with. Takes care of business, this guy. That's his hands to his talking. All right.

1:13:16 Drew So, Germany or Florida? Mike, line one.

1:13:18 Adam Chris, you know what the fridge is?

1:13:20 Drew What do you play for? How could you miss?

1:13:25 Adam All right. Let's, yeah, line one. Here we go. Mike?

1:13:29 Caller Hey, what's up, guys?

1:13:30 Adam Twenty-six. Here we go. Germany or Florida?

1:13:32 Caller All right. I actually got a few of them for you. I'll give you the first one. If you think it's good, maybe I'll give you another one.

1:13:37 Adam All right.

1:13:38 Caller First one. A woman has been charged with helping her two daughters murder their father amid suspicions the family fed his body to their pet dogs, police said yesterday. Police confirmed press reports that the fiance of one of the dead man's daughters had already confessed to bludgeoning him with a wooden board, slicing the man's body into pieces and feeding it to the family's seven dogs.

1:14:05 Drew Seven dogs. Lots of little clues there.

1:14:09 Adam Really? Wooden board?

1:14:10 Drew Wooden board.

1:14:11 Adam Do you have to say wooden? Can you just say board? It's not going to be a five glass board. Alright, you got lots of clues. I didn't get many clues, it felt like Germany to me.

1:14:23 Drew I was served first thing in Florida and then I just flipped over to Germany.

1:14:27 John Hensley Well, honestly I was feeling Florida.

1:14:29 Drew Seven dogs. Seven dogs.

1:14:30 John Hensley Well, and that's honestly...

1:14:31 Adam We don't have to agree.

1:14:33 Drew It's good if we don't.

1:14:34 Adam It's better. Go Florida. That's your gut? Your gut says Florida.

1:14:38 Drew Something says Germany to me.

1:14:41 Adam I'm going Germany too. Mike? Germany or Florida?

1:14:45 Caller You guys are geniuses. It's Germany.

1:14:49 Adam Thanks, buddy.

1:14:50 Drew Wait, wait. Here's another one. Another one. One more.

1:14:53 Caller Alright, this one is going to be pretty easy but it's too good to pass up. A man hit his girlfriend with a three-foot alligator during an argument in the couple's mobile home.

1:15:06 Drew Oh, there you go.

1:15:07 John Hensley Oh, it's clearly Germany.

1:15:10 Adam This is my new segment.

1:15:11 Drew During a hurricane.

1:15:12 Caller Yeah.

1:15:12 Adam A new segment called Definitely Not a Jew. Going to work that out. I'm just, no, that guy hit the girlfriend with the alligator. Come on, buddy. I'm putting the finishing touches on it.

1:15:26 Drew Mike's not, definitely not.

1:15:27 Adam Well, Mike's definitely not a Jew, too, but this activity. Just definitely not a Jew. When you hit somebody with a reptile in a mobile home.

1:15:36 Drew No, definitely not.

1:15:37 Adam Let me tell you my plan with these mobile homes. Because again, a picture of the hurricanes.

1:15:42 Drew New York times, yeah.

1:15:43 Adam Blowing through the trailer cars.

1:15:44 Drew Sure.

1:15:45 Adam Couple things. The president always has to tour the devastation. Do we really need him to tour the devastation?

1:15:52 Drew That's nice.

1:15:54 Adam I know it's nice. But here, okay, let me say this.

1:15:57 Drew Because that started back with Reagan. Really, it did.

1:15:58 Adam No, no, no. Look, it's nice. We get it. The refrigerator is now outside of the house. The roof's been torn off the chicken coop. Stuff's strewn about. Yes, see this slab here with the outline of the footprint of the house? That's where the house used to be. Fantastic. Everything's wet and strewn about. All I'm saying is, how about you hit the White House, get a little work done? You're on the campaign trail, you're touring things. I don't need a guy who's constantly trying to get re-elected and just sort of an ambassador. By the way, your brother Jeb's over there. Doesn't tour. You got a computer, right? One of those digital cameras. I flip it on CNN and see what's going on. You don't have to tour everything. And it's the same thing. I wish a guy had the way of us to go, not as bad as I thought. I'd give it a four. I've seen worse. What, is it category two? Oh no, four? Wow, doesn't look that bad.

1:16:49 Drew You should have been here during Andrew.

1:16:51 Adam Those are the days. Yeah, we have twisters over in Texas, you know, those are bad. This is nothing. I'm not going to give you any money. And then he delivered it. It's always the same sort of return. We're going to pledge to help the people of Florida help themselves through funding. They always declare it a disaster area. They never not do it. Show up and go, I wouldn't call it a disaster, not good, not a disaster. This does not a disaster make. The Jewish president would say it that way. I'm just saying, between the campaigning and getting the office, by the way, does it? I'm not a big fan of Bush or Orkut really, but the idea that these guys start campaigning two years into the first term for the second term, does it bother anybody? Like I got hit the road. Hey, we got papers signed here.

1:17:42 Drew Clinton was one giant campaign, like an eight year campaign.

1:17:45 Adam They're just sort of rolling around, glad handing people, kissing babies, going to factory workers and kissing their ass. I just want them to get busy.

1:17:58 John Hensley There's something to it, and I'll say that about Clinton. The thing is that he worked it smoothly. It all kind of went towards the same thing, and one was sort of disguised as the other, but no, I get what you're saying about the campaigning halfway in.

1:18:11 Adam You've got to show up at the home office every once in a while.

1:18:15 John Hensley You would think so.

1:18:16 Adam I'd like that. I'd like one president to go, look, I wish I could go out and do this thing, take these photo ops and do all this, but I'm busy.

1:18:25 John Hensley I've got a stack of papers.

1:18:26 Adam I've got the inbox. Have you seen my inbox?

1:18:28 John Hensley It's huge.

1:18:29 Adam It's huge. Pink slips. Those countries you never even heard of, I got a-holes calling me from those places. So here was my plan, Drew. The trailer park was surprised that the hurricane took a turn and got to that trailer park. Big surprise. Got to the trailer park. I think they seeked them out. And I had this idea.

1:19:02 John Hensley No, I was just going to say it's the same thing about the kid who attracts the beatings.

1:19:05 Drew Yes, trailer parks attract hurricanes.

1:19:07 John Hensley It's the same thing.

1:19:08 Adam When you put wheels on your house and lift it four feet off the ground and put a swamp cooler on there and make it out of corrugated tin, you're asking for 200 mile an hour wind to kill you.

1:19:19 Drew Lifting is the opera word there. Got to get lifted.

1:19:24 Adam You might as well just put a wing on top of it. It really should.

1:19:29 Caller Yeah.

1:19:31 Adam Here's the whole thing. I had this great plan where we take a fake trailer park. Trailer parks. Yeah, thanks, Joe. I know I was stumbling there. You know, when we were getting ready to invade Normandy, we had a bunch of fake tanks and stuff like this. Not real.

1:19:48 Drew Oh, that's interesting.

1:19:48 Adam Oh, I had inflatable stuff. Yeah, we had to make them think we were assembling a whole army at some other point of Calais or something, Bay of Calais or whatever it was. The point is we had German reconnaissance, they had to think we were putting all our troops over here when they were coming over there. So the army has a bunch of inflatable tanks and all that stuff, right? So we do that with mobile homes and we lead it back out to sea.

1:20:12 Drew Lead the storm, yeah.

1:20:13 Adam Lead the storm. A storm is blowing by. Hey, I'm going to North Carolina. Uh-oh, wait a minute, what is this? I see trailer homes. I'm going to get in on some of this. More bang for your buck is a storm, you know what I mean? Don't blow yourself out on a skyscraper. You just devastate a trailer home. We lead them into a trap.

1:20:29 Drew Yeah, you gotta have a sort of a path for hurricanes, but you also have to dot the sort of Texas, Oklahoma corridor for the tornadoes to stay within those dotted areas.

1:20:41 Adam Yeah.

1:20:43 John Hensley You should just dedicate an island to it. To the island of nothing but mobile homes.

1:20:47 Drew Yeah, but then leave it and move on. See, we need to be able to leave it.

1:20:49 Adam Yeah, we need to go to the mainland. But that's not a bad idea, John.

1:20:53 John Hensley I'm just trying to contribute.

1:20:54 Adam It's not a bad idea. No? It's not.

1:20:55 John Hensley Because I think it's pretty genius, actually.

1:20:57 Adam It is.

1:20:57 Drew Yeah, you're right.

1:20:58 Adam It's much worse on this show.

1:21:00 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:21:00 Adam Much worse.

1:21:01 Drew Oh, yes.

1:21:02 Adam Claire? You're 17? Maybe we should tell John about my ethnicity sniffing dogs.

1:21:11 Drew Now's the time.

1:21:12 Adam Let me tell you this. Hearing these stories about illegals coming over the Mexican border, but these guys are al-Qaeda members, all right, we're worried that some of these radical fundamentalists are going to come over with the paperwork of the Spanish and Mexican surnames and they pose as illegal Mexicans, in which case we leave them alone basically, they come into the country and they try to blow us up. This is going to be a problem for us coming in through Arizona and California, Texas, all that stuff. So I thought to myself while I was driving the other day, how could we tell the difference? You know what I mean, if you got the paperwork, if you're a dark skinned man, you grow a mustache, you put on the outfit, who the hell is going to know? You got the paperwork, the dog would know. The dog could smell the difference. Dog could do it. I could train a dog. A dog could smell out, could go to the airport, could smell out the difference between cocaine and gunpowder. Dog can smell anything out. You could take a joint, you could put it in a packet full of coffee grounds and weld it into the fender of a car. Dog would smell that thing out. I could train a dog. I could train a dog on the sense that people have. And I bet each person from around the world, and it's not a bad thing, but they got their own thing going.

1:22:28 Drew Sure.

1:22:29 Adam You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I do. I train dogs to tell the difference and then we get the Al Qaeda guys. And it's right to Guantanamo Bay, where the training of the dogs goes on, by the way.

1:22:39 Drew Perfect.

1:22:39 Adam Yes?

1:22:40 Drew Yes.

1:22:41 John Hensley It's a good theory.

1:22:43 Adam I take one, I take 12 dogs down to Guantanamo Bay, I take the other down to Alvera Street. And we do the testing.

1:22:48 Drew Don't encourage him, Frank. Don't encourage him.

1:22:50 Adam Do you understand?

1:22:51 Drew Yes, we understand.

1:22:52 John Hensley I do, I do, actually.

1:22:53 Adam It's good, right?

1:22:54 John Hensley It's pretty good.

1:22:55 Adam It could work, yes? It could. It just might work.

1:22:58 John Hensley It could.

1:22:58 Adam Is it crazy enough to work or not quite crazy enough to work?

1:23:01 John Hensley I think it's crazy enough to work. Can it, do I think it can be subverted? Yes.

1:23:05 Adam How do they get around it?

1:23:06 John Hensley I think that if you spend enough time in Mexico, you can maybe adopt the... Sure, why not? Whatever. Whatever, the air. You know?

1:23:17 Adam Like a guy rubs himself down with a churro before he goes in to see the dog?

1:23:20 John Hensley No, no, no, no. Because I think that can be seen through. That's like the coffee grounds in the cocaine. But I'm saying if you spend enough time there, you know, whatever is in the air, whatever contributes to that.

1:23:30 Adam Interesting.

1:23:31 John Hensley It could.

1:23:32 Adam It might.

1:23:33 John Hensley But I do think it's crazy enough to work.

1:23:35 Adam I'm going to do, it's just crazy enough to work. Not too crazy. Too crazy? Crazy. Not crazy enough to work.

1:23:41 Drew Just crazy enough.

1:23:42 Adam That's just an outlandish idea. But just crazy enough to work. I'm going to need you, John, because I'm going to start doing some testing soon.

1:23:50 Drew Claire. All right.

1:23:51 Caller Yeah.

1:23:54 Drew Yeah, go.

1:23:56 Caller I got the Depo shot about five months ago, and it's when I was sexually active, which I'm not anymore. So I didn't go get my other shot after three months. But ever since I was supposed to get my shot, so say about two months ago, I've been bleeding irregular, off and on for about two months and not on a normal basis.

1:24:16 Drew You didn't bleed the whole first three months?

1:24:18 Caller No, not at all. Just a few spot bleedings, but not that much at all.

1:24:22 Drew Most women bleed the first three months continuously and then have nothing after that. They stop bleeding after that. That's the way. So definitely the Depo completely changes your period. So that's undoubtedly what it is. And you may need to get on some estrogen-containing pill to get things cycling again.

1:24:44 Adam Dogs can tell when chicks are on their period, right?

1:24:46 Drew Can they?

1:24:47 Adam They can.

1:24:47 Drew Yeah, sure.

1:24:49 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:24:50 Drew That's not a hard one for them.

1:24:52 Adam That's a layup. Yeah. That's easy, right? That ain't no big thing.

1:24:55 Caller No.

1:24:55 Adam All right, Drew, where are you going by?

1:24:58 Drew Sticking up.

1:25:00 Adam Drew's falling asleep. What did you do? Did you go get up early?

1:25:02 Drew No, I was awake all night.

1:25:04 Adam Really?

1:25:05 Drew You know, I told him every last night, I was saying I had slept for 10 days, had slept in years. I'd been getting up early, going to hospitals and stuff, then I proceeded to sit up all night last night.

1:25:15 Adam Really?

1:25:16 Drew Yeah.

1:25:16 Adam Yeah. Drew was in a bad way last night. He was in a funk. What were you thinking about? Life?

1:25:20 Drew Yeah.

1:25:21 Adam A little depressing.

1:25:22 Drew Yeah.

1:25:23 Adam Yeah.

1:25:23 Drew But it was a strange kind of...

1:25:25 Adam What did you do? Did you just lay in bed or did you get up?

1:25:27 Drew I was thinking about... I'm doing a thing for Discovery Health and I was thinking about that. I was like, oh my God.

1:25:32 Adam You got to shut down, Drew. You got to wind down.

1:25:34 Drew Red wine.

1:25:35 Adam Red wine.

1:25:35 Drew Yeah.

1:25:36 Adam You hear me?

1:25:37 Drew I hear you.

1:25:38 Adam Okay, brother. Hey, that's one friend to another friend.

1:25:40 Drew Yeah, I know. I appreciate that.

1:25:42 Adam You need? Are you holding? You got something? You need something?

1:25:46 Drew Are you cool? No, I'm cool.

1:25:47 Adam You got something at home?

1:25:49 Drew No.

1:25:49 Adam You got a bottle in the car.

1:25:50 Drew Oh, good.

1:25:51 Adam I got two bottles. One for the ride home.

1:25:54 Drew And one for me.

1:25:54 Adam And one for you. You're holding? I'll give it to you in the French kiss. What? So we transfer. Hey, John Hensley here tonight, everyone. Nip-duck. Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:26:09 Dude, you got issues. 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:26:14 Adam Hey, buddy. It's Adam.

1:26:15 Drew And I'm Dr. Drew.

1:26:16 Adam Here to talk about Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

1:26:19 Drew Yes, sir.

1:26:20 Adam You spray that on. You get... Hey, everybody, Loveline, I'm Adam. Yeah, pop me up, brother. That's Dr. Drew, of course. 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Yeah, Matthew Lillard in here at the end of the week, John Hensley from Nip Tuck, in tonight, 10 o'clock on FX. FX coming around, by the way. Yeah, got the shield. What else they got brewing out there?

1:26:56 John Hensley Little bit, they got that, and they got this new show, Rescue Me.

1:27:00 Adam Yeah.

1:27:02 John Hensley No, I think that's on, could be wrong, but I think USA, I think.

1:27:08 Adam These little sort of cable stations that used to just run like Iron Eagle 5 at four in the morning, all of a sudden, doing their own shows, got some budgets, got a little profanity. Yeah, everyone loves the shield, by the way. I've not seen it, but people say amazing things about it.

1:27:27 John Hensley It's a good show.

1:27:28 Adam Bill?

1:27:28 Caller Yeah, hi.

1:27:29 Adam You're 26?

1:27:31 Caller Yeah.

1:27:32 Adam All right, sex is great with girlfriend at first, then learns about emotional problems, huh?

1:27:38 Drew What do you mean?

1:27:39 Caller Well, not just this girlfriend, I mean, this is the latest one, but this has been like a pattern, man, I don't know.

1:27:48 Drew You keep going for women that have been abused.

1:27:50 Caller Yeah, God almighty, I don't know, I wonder what a normal woman's like, but, you know, I have great sex and then later on I might.

1:27:57 Adam Yeah, well, you don't get the great sex.

1:27:59 Drew You gotta remember, this is the only variable you have any control over is you, and you keep becoming attracted to, or at least responding to the attraction to the emotional problems.

1:28:12 Caller Yeah, but I don't know about the emotional problems.

1:28:14 Drew I know, but it's what forms the attraction.

1:28:16 Adam If you're attracted to them, there's gonna be trouble.

1:28:18 Drew Yeah, you don't go for women that you're so terribly attracted to. Go for someone not quite so exciting.

1:28:22 Adam Find someone you can't get an erection with. That's love.

1:28:25 Caller I'm afraid of, man. I'm afraid that they're not gonna be exciting to me.

1:28:29 Adam Well, that's the whole thing. Okay, here's the whole thing. Exciting is an interesting word, which is you should obviously be physically attracted to anybody you're with, but the exciting part, the sort of danger part, that's the part that burns you. That gets you in the ass down the road. Absolutely. I like John. We could hang.

1:28:48 Drew You could team up with some steers.

1:28:51 Adam No, me and John would just be driving, I'm feeling like Mexican for lunch. What do you think, bro? 100% correct.

1:28:57 John Hensley 100%, I'm with you.

1:28:59 Adam You're reading my mind.

1:29:00 John Hensley You really are. But no, I think there's a lot of truth to that about being drawn to people and not knowing why and always finding out very similar things about them.

1:29:10 Drew Attraction is the least healthy part of one person being responding to the most screwed up part of another person. It's what attraction is, it's powerful as hell, it's a source of passion and renewal and for some people it can be, if it's kind of contained, it can be okay, but if you keep having messed up relationships or you know you've had major abuse in your past, you're gonna have to be very careful.

1:29:32 Adam Let me tell you about containing Drew's passion because he's a passionate, passionate man. And Drew had his passion in check. Remember when they captured King Kong and they chained him up and they put him on the boat and they brought him over?

1:29:43 Drew Yeah, but you know what happened?

1:29:44 Adam When the photographers, the Flashball set him off and pow! Chains started breaking out. Now, passion on the loose, running wild. Climbing buildings, grabbing chicks. Like that big ape was into a chick that would have been really the equivalent to the size of a tongue depressor. Drew was like, I feel some boobies. I was in that skirt. But really, is there any part of that giant ape that could have got up that chick?

1:30:13 Drew But it must be some sort of arousing sort of fantasy for women?

1:30:19 Adam I think it was just fantasy for guys. Like, he's getting raped by a giant ape.

1:30:22 Drew It's great. I know.

1:30:24 Adam This is great. Brian? 25? You're gay and you're HIV positive. And you had cancer.

1:30:34 Drew What kind of cancer?

1:30:37 Yeesh. I was spread to the lower lymph nodes and into my lung.

1:30:39 Drew This was before you had HIV or as part of the HIV syndrome?

1:30:42 Three months after I found out I had HIV.

1:30:43 Caller Wow.

1:30:43 Drew Do you know what kind of cell type it was?

1:30:46 Pardon?

1:30:47 Drew Do you know what kind of cell type it was? Was it cured?

1:30:52 I'm in remission, almost three years. Three years.

1:30:55 Adam And how's it connected to the HIV? How could it be?

1:30:59 That's not.

1:31:00 Drew It's probably not, just bad times.

1:31:02 I'm just in the testicle one.

1:31:03 Drew But let's say that to the extent that cancer is perhaps able to break out as a result of impaired immune surveillance, maybe it has something to do with that, but that's better.

1:31:12 Adam Surveillance.

1:31:13 Drew Yeah, your immune system theoretically keeps cancer, if it ever develops, kills it before it breaks out.

1:31:19 Adam It's on patrol. But you get HIV and the patrol breaks out.

1:31:25 Drew That's, hmm. It's not really a T-cell media thing.

1:31:27 Adam So now you got HIV.

1:31:30 Right.

1:31:30 Adam And how long have you had that?

1:31:33 April 2001.

1:31:35 Adam And how's the T-cell count? That's it, Drew.

1:31:41 Virals undetectable.

1:31:42 Drew Good, that's good.

1:31:43 Adam That's good. T-cell count not great, though.

1:31:45 Drew That's right.

1:31:46 I'm very healthy, you know. I just live my life normally, but I have like no sex drive.

1:31:52 Drew Are you on a cocktail?

1:31:54 Tresivir and Sustiva.

1:31:55 Drew So that may be screwing with your sex drive, right?

1:31:58 Right, I mean testosterone level's fine. I mean, I have my doctor check, all that, but it's just, you know, here I am on a Saturday night, and it's like I'd rather just go to a movie than, you know, I've been on dates, and on dates I've had, you know.

1:32:11 Adam Now, let me ask this, do you date other HIV guys, or do you just have regular guys and you just tell them you got HIV?

1:32:19 Both, I mean, I won't have sex with someone without telling them.

1:32:22 Drew No, zero viral load, so it's hard to be, you're really essentially not contagious.

1:32:26 Adam You're not contagious?

1:32:27 Drew Well, not contagious, but, you know, limited contagion.

1:32:30 Adam What are you on, you're on Festiva? What do you got there? It's like a party on there.

1:32:35 Drew These are antiviral.

1:32:36 Adam What's the other one called?

1:32:37 Trisivir, that's a three in one.

1:32:38 Adam What's the other one?

1:32:39 What do you mean?

1:32:42 Adam Well, there's, you said you're on a couple.

1:32:45 Trisivir is a three in one drug and the other one's Festiva, or Trisivir, I'm sorry.

1:32:49 Adam I keep saying the one that doesn't sound like the one I'm saying.

1:32:52 Drew The one that sounds like Festiva?

1:32:53 Adam Yeah, what's that called?

1:32:55 Trisivir.

1:32:56 Adam Don't say, okay, now I'm hanging up.

1:32:57 Drew All right, anyway, listen, Brian, these medicines can definitely affect your sex drive without affecting testosterone, as really any medication can. You may want to talk to a doctor, sometimes antidepressants, particularly adrenergic antidepressants like Wellbutrin might be of use, Viagra, because with men, if you get them aroused, their desire goes with arousal. That's why it doesn't work in women. Arousal and desire are disconnected. So Viagra doesn't do anything for women.

1:33:22 Adam All right, good times.

1:33:24 Drew I'm glad you keep it up, Brian, you're doing great.

1:33:26 Adam Fantastic. I'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. There's never a part where you go, hey thanks, man.

1:33:46 Drew You know, the man that they're always talking about.

1:33:56 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. That's the end of the show. We're just talking a little about AIDS drugs and stuff. And the next time some of you left-wingers start belly-aching about these big pharmaceutical companies and how they're raping everybody and the prices and the man and all that kind of stuff, AIDS. Guys got it? Guys are living, huh?

1:34:16 Drew When I was in training, it was a death sentence.

1:34:17 Adam Who figured that one out?

1:34:18 Drew Three months death sentence.

1:34:19 Adam Bunch of guys in your Birkenstocks, huh? Rubbing a piece of driftwood up against a rock.

1:34:24 John Hensley Hugging your trees.

1:34:25 Adam Hugging your trees with your dream catchers or was it the man, the man with his chemicals and his microscopes and his white jackets? Yes, everybody, the man figured it out. Don't forget to thank the man every once in a while. Know what I'm saying?

1:34:42 Drew Mm-hmm.

1:34:42 Adam All right, John, thank you.

1:34:45 John Hensley Thank you.

1:34:46 Drew Pleasure.

1:34:46 John Hensley It was an honor to be here with you guys. I've been a big fan of your show for a long time.

1:34:50 Adam Thank you. Glad we could end that for you. Nip Talk, everyone, Tuesday nights on FX, until next time. It's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:35:02 This has been Lovelind. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Monday, August 16, 2004