Episode 1000635218791

0:57 Voiceover Online is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:20 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. How horrible is that new opening? I feel sorry for the poor guy. I hear him say that every night. But how Max Headroom 1988 is that?

1:36 Drew You're just not hip. You're not cool.

1:37 Adam Is that what it is? It's back? Is everything pass me by and then come around and bit me in the ass? Really? Or does it just sound like everyone's got to do bad radio?

1:45 Drew It's hard to tell.

1:48 Adam All right. Ron Livingston is here tonight. Dear, dear friend of the show. Little Black Book, name of the new movie. Ron is one of these guys that's just, and I see where the, how the appeal works as far as the movie career goes. You just, you want to like him. You'd like to like him. There's something sort of inviting about him.

2:07 Ron Livingston Thanks, Adam.

2:08 Adam Yeah. No, I don't know if you get that a lot.

2:11 Ron Livingston Yeah. Well, it's the, you know, it's affected, but it works.

2:16 Adam Well, it's kind of an interesting thing because we've talked about this a lot, which is, well, people are sort of like dogs in that when one's coming at you, you pretty much, I don't know how you know.

2:28 Drew You suss it out.

2:29 Adam It's the animal part of you that really tunes in to is this thing coming to play or is it coming to mall? And you know, you just know. And it's like if someone says, how do you know? I don't know. You just know. Ron's coming to play. I'm here to play. At least once in a while a dog will fool you, and if he does, so be it. But Ron has that. It's just something seems at ease in his own skin. I like to hang out with him.

2:57 Drew And he keeps coming back, which we like.

2:58 Adam Yeah, keeps coming back. More punishment. Yeah. Ron, of course, you know.

3:05 Ron Livingston I'm not here to bite anybody.

3:06 Adam You fell in love with Swingers. Swingers is nice because it's the good movie that wouldn't go away. And I don't mean that in a bad way, but I mean, it's now been what? 10 years? 11 years?

3:20 Ron Livingston Yeah.

3:21 Adam Nine years? What is it since Swingers?

3:24 Ron Livingston A lot of years. Eight, I think. Seven. Nine.

3:27 Adam Only seven?

3:28 Ron Livingston Since it came out, yeah.

3:29 Adam What's that?

3:30 Drew I always said eight or ten.

3:31 Ron Livingston I think we shot it nine. Nine again.

3:33 Adam Shot it nine years ago. And did it, I know there was buzz and everything when it came out, but was it bigger four years later or, you know what I'm saying?

3:44 Ron Livingston It picked up a little bit. I think the big buzz about it was that Miramax bought it for five million bucks and it was made for about a quarter of a million.

3:52 Adam Right.

3:53 Ron Livingston So it was like, it was right in the thick of that independent film thing back when people actually were making independent films.

4:00 Adam Right.

4:00 Ron Livingston You know, it wasn't like studios making seven million dollar independent films.

4:04 Adam Drew has a negative and visceral reaction to Jon Favreau, by the way. I don't know if you guys have sorted that out.

4:11 Drew We worked it out.

4:11 How did that, what did that happen?

4:13 Adam I don't know what happened, but Jon Favreau came on the TV show, and every once in a while I see the hair on Drew's neck, which he doesn't have. He doesn't have a neck or hair, actually.

4:25 Drew But you saw the goose flesh.

4:26 Adam The proverbial hair on the neck stand up and the goose flesh, and that only happened with Issei Morales when he was explaining to you about how AIDS was cooked up by the mainstream media and how HIV doesn't turn in AIDS. By the way, where's the apology, kids?

4:44 Drew I want that apology. I want that from Spin Magazine when I apologize.

4:47 Adam We'll get into Favreau in a second. But listen, here's the deal. All you blowhard actors who have retarded opinions based on a BJ you got from an underage chick the night before and a little too much crevasse before you hit the stage, fine. Go ahead. Spout them out. But then when you're wrong five years later, a little press conference. Sorry, fellas.

5:07 Drew I was wrong.

5:08 Adam I was drunk. I was cocky. I was wrong. I was wrong. No, because all, and by the way, or here's the thing. The next time you get one of your ego-driven celebrity jags that has nothing, no basis in reality, shut up. Because now you owe us one. Yeah, yeah. Remember we listened to you when you were talking about AIDS and HIV and I wasn't connected about that? Now shut up. I know you got some ideas about the Sandinistas. Shut up. I know you got some ideas about, a little date of myself, the Sandinistas there. I know you got some ideas about the Middle East. Shut up. We listened to you about, we're very respectful during the whole HIV thing. Now shut up. Now wait till one comes around and then you can do another one.

5:44 Drew Bob Guccione Jr. in here kind of spouting that crap. Remember that?

5:47 Adam What a shock.

5:47 Drew Well, you know.

5:48 Adam What a shock that the son of Bob Guccione, a man of science, a man with eight medallions and affected British accent wouldn't know anything about the science of disease.

5:59 Drew Fabrile started going down that path, too, encouraging a guy that was very sick not to take his medicines and don't let anybody tell you.

6:05 Adam Drew got mad.

6:05 Drew And I was like, this guy's going to kill somebody.

6:07 Ron Livingston John's married to a doctor.

6:10 Adam Is he now or was he then?

6:11 Ron Livingston No, he is.

6:12 Drew That wasn't then. That was like eight years ago or something.

6:14 Adam This is way before Swingers. Fabrile was actually a grip on the show. We didn't have a guest. And our producers insisted we have a guest on each show, so we grabbed a tack out.

6:26 Ron Livingston So it was the doctor in you that you was a scientist.

6:28 Drew It was the same thing you say more often when people espouse things that are dangerous or in flat-out nonsense.

6:34 Ron Livingston Well, people ask us the wrong things all the time.

6:36 Adam They do.

6:36 Ron Livingston They're asking me about red carpet and they're asking me about, you know, politics or...

6:39 Drew I admire every actor that goes, I'm an actor. You shouldn't be asking. Here's my opinion, but I truly have not studied government and political philosophy.

6:51 Adam Yeah. Everyone's got an opinion, Drew.

6:53 Drew But when they give medical opinions, what is that?

6:55 Adam All right. Settle down. Settle down. What is that? I'm a carpenter, and when they talk about home improvement, I don't freak out.

7:01 Drew They're going to tell you how to do it, though.

7:04 Adam I get angry.

7:04 Drew I get angry.

7:04 Adam Who's telling me what to do? That's right. I'll kill them.

7:07 Drew What's her name? Gets cupping now? She's having coranderos.

7:10 Adam Who's cupping? What's cupping, Drew?

7:12 Drew It's where they take a hot glass and put it on you. Yeah. To take the evil humors out.

7:17 Adam Well, you got all those toxins built up.

7:19 Drew Toxins got to suck out with the vacuum created by the glass.

7:23 Adam I got some toxins for you to suck out, baby. Now get busy while I watch Sports Center.

7:27 Drew My consistent message about all that sort of monkey business is, well, it's this. It's if those things were so great, why did we need to develop Western medicine? We should have done it. Let's leave it behind.

7:38 Adam Let's leave it all behind.

7:39 Drew Forget antibiotics, forget therapeutic inventions, forget angioplasties. Let's leave it all behind and just go take the herbs.

7:45 Ron Livingston There's a placebo effect.

7:46 Drew I'm just saying.

7:47 Adam That's right.

7:48 Ron Livingston You run out of things to believe in, you know what I mean?

7:50 Drew That's what I'm talking about.

7:51 Adam Yeah. So look, let's all just get an enema and a seaweed wrap and check our biorhythm chart to see if we're having a critical day as we move forward here. Yeah. So look, here's the thing. Let me explain something, Drew. This is what a, okay, I'm an atheist.

8:05 Drew A lot of this stuff, by the way, settled down after the war broke out.

8:09 Adam It does settle everyone's hash with all the pie in the sky hippie stuff. But let me just explain something. You got your sort of right winger types over here. They have Jesus Christ. That helps them sleep at night. There's a guy up there, he's looking down, I'm one of his kids, I'm going to reside in his mansion. Fine. Then you got your left wing types. Your left wing types got, well, I got my enema, I got my little yarn bracelet, my little Madonna bracelet around my thing, I'm into the Kabbalah, I practice yoga and tantric sex. That's their, I'm an atheist.

8:44 Drew That's their religious right.

8:46 Adam This is the way I can control things and not freak out because the idea of being a human being and realizing, hey, you turn on the news every night and see people just randomly snuffed out around the world, good people, by the way, not all bad. Seems like the lion's share of them are good. Maybe my day is tomorrow. That's a lot to deal with and that's why I got to rub my yarn.

9:08 Drew First of all, use the old intellect and study things a little bit.

9:11 Adam You'll freak out.

9:12 Drew Do something systematic.

9:12 Adam People will freak out.

9:14 Drew Build relationships.

9:14 Adam The right wing's got Jesus, the left wing's got an enema, and the Jews, they just hang back and tell them.

9:21 Ron Livingston Robert Mapplethorpe has both.

9:23 Drew That's right. An enema and Jesus, I saw the greatest South Park.

9:26 Adam That's a joke there, buddy. Little Mapplethorpe joke. He's got the enema and Jesus. That's right.

9:33 Drew Greatest South Park.

9:34 Ron Livingston Greatest South Park.

9:36 Drew What about the Mormons?

9:37 Adam All right, Drew. Very funny.

9:38 Drew Come on.

9:39 Adam Let's move forward. We gotta move forward.

9:41 Drew Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum.

9:42 Adam We gotta move forward. Little Black Book, name of the new movie Ron is starring in, by the way, which I saw when I was in, I started seeing ads in New York about two weeks ago when I was there and every single corner is first off, is Brittany Murphy, is she nutty? And I don't mean that in a bad way. That's not going to be a con... Oh, sure. In a happy nutty, eccentric kind of way, not dark.

10:10 Ron Livingston You know, I found her to be fine. I found her to be really cool. You know, there's, it's a, first of all...

10:18 Adam Animals are Jesus.

10:19 Drew It's an artificial environment.

10:20 Adam Which is it? I'm going in on my...

10:21 Ron Livingston She wasn't...

10:22 Adam No.

10:23 Ron Livingston I think if anything, maybe Jesus, but on the, probably on the quiet side about it. First of all, you know, she's been, she's making, what's she making now? She's making like 4 million or 5 million of pics or something like that?

10:34 Adam I know. You know, you get so caught up in the Julia Roberts at the 20 million bucks of pop or whatever.

10:40 Ron Livingston Well, 4 million is a lot of money. That's more than they're paying me.

10:43 Adam You forget about the 4 million and the chicks 23.

10:46 Ron Livingston Right, exactly.

10:46 Adam You know what I mean? I mean, that's the whole thing, too, yes. Oh, you know, Julia Roberts is knocking on 40 and has been around this business for a while. You know, when you hear about some of these people, you know, you think about chicks like, hey, she's 21, she's 22, she's 25, she's 4 million or 6 million.

11:05 Ron Livingston Yeah, so I mean, if she were crazy, I think she'd have every right to be. You know, that said, I find her to be great. Some of them are nuts, you know. Yeah, some of them are just nuts.

11:15 Drew Talk.

11:16 Adam Yeah.

11:17 Ron Livingston You know, see, I give you names, I get in trouble. But I will say that I didn't find her to be nuts, though.

11:23 Drew We'll talk about it here.

11:26 Ron Livingston Just look at my... Go through my resume, you'll figure it out.

11:29 Adam Yeah, I can...

11:30 Drew I think we had this conversation last time.

11:33 Adam We can go... Oh, I'll tell you who's nutty. What's her name from? Heather Graham. Sweet nutty.

11:39 Ron Livingston I like her.

11:39 Adam Nutty sweet.

11:40 Ron Livingston I think I... You know what? We did the show... Did we do the show together?

11:43 Drew Were you in here with her that one time?

11:45 Ron Livingston We did the show together.

11:46 Drew He was the one in here.

11:46 Ron Livingston And I think I kind of half-ass hit her on the way home.

11:49 Drew No, wait, this was a famous night when Adam...

11:51 Adam No, Heather was in Alone the night I made fun of her with Boogie Nights. No, no.

11:55 Ron Livingston I swear there was a boogie night.

11:57 Adam You were there for the boogie nights?

11:58 Ron Livingston Yeah, I think I was.

11:59 Adam Funny. It's like a picture where you put your thumb over the guy.

12:06 Drew Tell the story.

12:07 Adam Well, it's not like I whited your eyes out with an eraser.

12:12 Ron Livingston No, it's all right. Heather's in the room. You're not looking at me.

12:15 Adam That's a good point.

12:15 Ron Livingston I wasn't looking at me either.

12:16 Adam I'm not even going to remember tonight.

12:17 Drew I could but.

12:18 I forgot about it.

12:19 Adam There's no guest.

12:20 Drew Here's my thing. I kept thinking. I know that somebody else said, I can't remember who it was.

12:23 Adam Oh, really? Well, this is good.

12:25 Drew That's a tell a story.

12:26 Adam All right. Heather Graham is in here, I guess, with Ron.

12:30 Drew Do you remember what you were promoting?

12:31 Adam Yeah. What were you promoting? Swingers. No, no, no.

12:34 Drew It was before that. It was a long time ago.

12:36 Adam No, it wasn't before swingers. Hold on a second. Drew, Nassim, I'm supposed to listen to you now, but then you come around with a-

12:42 Drew When did Boogie Nights come out?

12:43 Adam Boogie Nights came out a couple years after swingers.

12:48 Ron Livingston Yeah, how do you figure that?

12:52 Drew Anderson, Anderson, get those numbers.

12:54 Adam No, Swingers came out and then Boogie Nights came out. No?

12:57 Ron Livingston No, no, Boogie Nights was after, but I think maybe we-

13:01 Drew Not long after.

13:01 I think we just happened to be-

13:03 Adam 96, 97. 96 and 97.

13:05 Drew Which is which?

13:06 Ron Livingston Boogie Nights is definitely after. It's definitely after.

13:08 Adam Boogie Nights is 97.

13:10 Ron Livingston But I think we did it together. I don't know why we didn't do it.

13:12 Adam All right, maybe you came on here for-

13:14 Drew We said there was some bathroom, bathtub scene or something you kept talking about. Do you remember this?

13:20 Adam All right, Anderson will figure it out. But maybe-

13:24 Drew No, 96 is Swingers, 97 is Boogie Nights.

13:26 Swingers was around for about a year.

13:28 Adam Yeah, that's the thing too. They could have came over for a sort of second promotion or- DVDs or something.

13:37 Drew I would have been on the show. I would have been on the show.

13:43 Adam I would have been on the show. I would have been on the show. Now, Heather was here with What's His Nose.

13:48 Drew With somebody.

13:49 Adam And some dude. I think he was gay. Anyway, we were talking about other projects as we will do later on tonight. I will say, so what else has Ron got on the dock and what can we expect coming down the pike? And Heather said, well, I worked on a little movie called Boogie Nights and I said, Drew, what?

14:09 Drew This is when the mics were off. You kind of lean back.

14:11 Adam No, this is while the mics are on. All right. All right. Drew, please stop remembering stuff that didn't happen or remember me with like huge genitalia and her not being able to stay away from me. Mic's off. Did this on the air. She said, someone has just produced a picture, by the way.

14:26 Drew Of Ron and me and Heather and Adam.

14:29 Ron Livingston And what does it say on the back?

14:30 Adam I look stoned. It says, Heather Graham and what's his name? Swingers. Thanks, Ann. All right. Drew, was I stoned or what? What's this picture?

14:43 Drew Whatever it is, your memory is clearly impaired because you were in an altered state there.

14:46 Adam Yeah, look at that. What a crazed look on my face. All right. So anyway, I had a lot of brow back then. Yes, I got it. All right. Now, Drew, would you shut up and stop trying to take the wind out of my story sail here on the air? I'm just going to turn the mic away from you in its natural position, away from wherever you are. On the air, I said, what else you got going, Heather? She said, I got a little something called Boogie Nights. And I thought, now, you know, when you hear the title Boogie Nights and you've never heard, you don't know what Boogie Nights is, it's kind of like, okay. And well, what about it? Well, I play roller girl. I'm on roller skates. I'm an ex-porn star. Burt Reynolds is in it. Burt Reynolds is a fresh off of like Cop and a Half and a Mako Body Shop commercial. Like Burt Reynolds, I mean, the guy, really, the guy's become a joke now. Dying his eyebrows. Is that Burt Reynolds? Like crazy Burt Reynolds or, yeah. And he had made a good movie since Gator. Like aren't all his movies outtakes now, by the way, with Dom DeLuis laughing? And so Burt Reynolds, and here's the other one, Marky Mark. You mean Mark, Mark Wahlberg, yeah, Mark from the Funky Bunch, the guy from the Underpants commercial, the guy, the Underpants model? Yeah, yeah, him. All right, all right. So let me get this straight. Call Boogie Nights. You got the roller skates with the dried up Burt Reynolds and the guy from the Underpants. This is going to be great.

16:11 Drew It's about the porn industry in the 70s.

16:13 Adam You're like, what? I remember, I got to talk to your agent. I've got to get, I've got to speak to the guy. He's driving your career right in the ground. You're coming off of swingers. That's a substantial piece of work there. And then boom, right? It was Burt Reynolds and Marky Mark.

16:25 Drew Laughing out.

16:25 Adam Laughing.

16:26 Ron Livingston Yeah, where's that going to go?

16:27 Adam Oh, man. And it was easily my favorite film of the year. Really enjoyed the hell out of that thing five months later when it came out. It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, Drew, and I'm that man. A huge, huge mammoth man.

16:41 Drew I remember you carrying on quite a bit about it. Oh my God. Who is your, you have to get new representation. This is weird. You're a nice looking young girl. You're a good act. You're ruining your career. What are you doing? You were roller skates the entire, poured industry on the stage. Burt Reynolds and Marky Mark, please. What are you talking about?

16:58 Adam Yeah. And that was not so long ago, by the way, we're dating ourselves. But you know, Mark Wahlberg was Marky Mark and was considered, I think, the underpants guy is going to try to do a movie. You sure it's not a music video we're talking about? Yeah.

17:15 Ron Livingston Not that long ago.

17:16 Adam All right. Well, we should all ruin our careers that way. Movies out Friday.

17:21 Ron Livingston Yeah.

17:22 Adam Yeah. All right. Just want to get that in. Liz?

17:26 Yes.

17:26 Adam 23?

17:28 Yeah.

17:29 Adam What's up?

17:31 I'm kind of starting to get into a serious relationship with a guy, but I was wondering if it was too soon after my divorce, which was in April.

17:42 Drew How long were you married for?

17:44 Two years.

17:45 Drew So you were 23, married at 21. Why did you get married so early, so young?

17:50 Because I thought I was in love with the guy. We were in a relationship for five years prior to that.

17:56 Adam She's calling from Minnesota.

17:57 Drew All right. And why did it break up? I'm sorry.

17:59 Adam Places that are really cold are really hot. You can just go ahead and lop eight years off the average marriage. There's ice fishing or people are just spraying themselves with hoses on their front yard and their underpants. It's winter.

18:12 Drew It's like a heat thing. Why did you break up?

18:14 Adam You got to have a partner or throw a dog in your bed.

18:18 I filed for divorce because he was rather abusive.

18:23 Drew Physically abusive?

18:25 Yeah.

18:26 Drew So here you are jumping from one to the next. You've been in a relationship since you were 16. Why don't you give yourself a little break here? It's all right to date. It's all right even to have a relationship to be dating somebody, but four months out of a marriage that you've had, the relationship you had since you were 16, you need a little bit of Liz time, a little time to grow up a bit.

18:45 Adam Well, where did you meet this new guy? All right. Are you in love with him?

18:53 I don't know.

18:54 Adam Oh, that's a yes if I've ever heard one. The one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, and then the, I don't know. That's a resounding yes.

19:05 Drew Date a bunch of guys.

19:05 Adam I know love when I hear it.

19:06 Drew Be alone for a little while. See what comes up.

19:09 Adam Is this a guy you'd been working with while you were married?

19:14 Drew Bullpen.

19:14 Adam Bullpen. Chicks do that. They start lining guys up. They got their next, what they do is, yeah, they got their next meal. Guys are so oblivious. We don't do that. If there's someone hot at work, we'd like to hump them, but we don't like lining them up. Yeah. This is like the lease is coming up on the current ride they're in. I'm just going to keep my eye in the paper here and see what's coming up in the next few months. This is what Liz does. I don't even think they know it. It's just...

19:46 Drew I think if they stopped and thought for one second, they know it.

19:48 Adam Liz?

19:50 This guy is so different. He treats me like I'm on this pedestal and I can't fall off.

19:57 Drew That's going to drive you crazy.

19:58 Adam Yeah.

19:59 Drew By the way, it's the same guy that will become abusive later.

20:01 Adam No, it won't.

20:02 Drew Could be.

20:02 Adam You'll just dump him later when he doesn't become abusive.

20:05 Drew Or it's that. Yeah. So you're really going from one extreme to the next.

20:07 Adam It's going to drive you nuts if he treats you too good for too long. Yeah?

20:14 Ron Livingston I always heard two years in, two years out, five years in, five years out. Is there any truth to that?

20:19 Drew It's a little tough. What are you married 20 years? I think six months minimum. And I think in her case, since she's never had any time in her life where she's been alone, time to become an adult.

20:30 Adam Very good, Drew. Time to become an adult. That's right. All right. Let's break it down. Let's break it down. Gentlemen, grab a knee. I use that term loosely. One day, I'm just going to do a whole thing on the Pop Warner football coach who has that captive audience. You know, it's so easy to get a nine year old to laugh, by the way. All you got to do is all you got to do is you call them ladies once every once every two weeks, big laughs, big laughs. You start throwing around these, you start doing the now look, when you assume you make an ass out of, you know, see, the thing is, when you're nine, you never heard of anything. So it's all brilliant. And whoever says it, well, that's that's the man. I mean, that's that came out that came out of his mouth. That's Will Rogers himself up there in a in a windbreaker. That's right. Drew, what are you looking at?

21:26 Drew I'm trying to figure out if that's a hat that you still wear, which I believe it is. Secondly, you're groping Heather Graham here. Well, that funky face is about is that what that is? Really?

21:36 Adam Oh, yeah. No, it's not. Now, see, it's not a hat that I still drew looks like guys from Duran Duran, by the way. What's up with the hair? Look at the crazy hair on Drew. Ron looks marginally younger, but about the same. And Heather's got that look that every like every prom date I've ever had that when can I get out of here? Look at that, there's a weight on my shoulder and I feel a clutch, holy Christ, is that his arm?

22:05 Ron Livingston That's a pretty big smile you got on your face.

22:07 Drew I look stoned. It's more than a smile, though. It's like, oh, watch out. Look what I got, Ma.

22:15 Adam Very sad, very telling and sad, Drew.

22:17 Drew It really is.

22:18 Adam Sad and telling or telling and sad? Okay, very good.

22:21 Drew And she really has this some, there's a painting that looks like this. What the hell is it?

22:26 Adam It's bad.

22:27 Drew It's bad.

22:27 Adam Whatever it is, we should have that.

22:28 Ron Livingston The American Gothic, the farmer and the...

22:31 Drew Yeah, it's a little bit of that.

22:32 Ron Livingston It does look a little American Gothic.

22:33 Yeah, it's exactly what it is.

22:35 Ron Livingston She's like the girl that's standing there.

22:37 Drew But she's looking off the stage left there. She's like, help.

22:40 Adam She's looking to get out. All right, and it's like, uh-oh, radio guy's touching me. I'm going to have to go home and take one of those rape baths. Sitting there with the music and the loofah that can't get clean and then breaking down and crying in the middle of it. Coming out this Friday. We'll take a quick break. Let's take a really bad picture with Ron right now, get it out of the way. And we'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Ron Livingston is here tonight. One of the more likable guys you'll meet in this business, although we could not crack him and get any dirt on the crazy actresses during the commercial break.

23:55 Ron Livingston They're out there, though. They know who they are.

23:58 Adam I don't think they do, and that's part of the problem. All right, Drew, stop looking at the past. Drew's looking at an old picture of us.

24:05 Drew I'm trying to remember that night. I can't, except for that one moment.

24:09 Adam Yeah, really. And, Drew, I don't wear that hat anymore because I wear my hats out.

24:16 Drew What does it say, reds or something? You got that now.

24:20 Adam What hat do I have on now?

24:21 Drew It says reds.

24:22 Adam Oh, okay. Well, here's the thing. You give me a hat, I wear it. And then I sweat through it and I got to throw them out. Little Black Book, name of the movie, coming out this Friday. Brittany Murphy is in it, Kathy Bates, Holly Hunter. And let's get back to the phones and speak to coincidentally Holly, who's 18. Holly.

24:44 Caller Hi.

24:45 Adam What's happening?

24:46 Caller Okay. I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year. And I really want to let him come in my mouth, but I can't. Like, it's so disgusting. Like, I'm going to throw up.

24:57 Drew Then you don't have to do that.

24:58 Adam You get used to it, by the way.

24:59 Drew You don't have to do that. Well.

25:01 Caller But I want to, though.

25:03 Drew Why?

25:05 Caller Because he wants to.

25:08 Adam I would train myself with rancid tartar sauce. That's how I got over it. I'll sleep with it in my mouth.

25:14 Drew In the turkey base, too?

25:16 Adam No. It would come out of a guy's penis. It took a little doing. We'd use what I called the Carolla front loader system. I probably said enough. It's like cannon fodder. Probably said enough. The point is, you can get past it. Hey, Holly? Are you talking about... We haven't talked about this in a long time, Drew.

25:44 Drew I was hoping you'd describe your preferences.

25:47 Adam No. I think that goes without saying.

25:51 Drew You're a world-class receiver, and even you...

25:54 Adam Nobody receives oral like me. That's what I want to say to the ladies, Ron. A lot of guys brag about their prowess in the sack. Like, hey, man, I'll go all night, baby, and rock your world. A lot of guys talk about what they can do to a woman orally. I know there are guys who are better than me in all these departments. Most of North America.

26:13 Drew But no one needs you.

26:13 Adam Nobody receives. Nobody receives like the Ace man. Nobody. Ron, I know you got that look. Don't even think about it. I know. You're an actor. You've been around. You've seen the cast and couch. Spent some time in your trailer with some actress. I know, Ron, you're thinking, oh, no, I can receive. And Favreau's not no slouch either when it comes to the receiving department. Believe you me. Believe you me. But let me tell you something. No one receives like the Ace man. What makes you so good? A lot of it is touched by the hand of God. A lot of it is just God given.

26:44 Drew It's not me.

26:44 Adam It's the man upstairs.

26:45 Drew But even you. But even you. Even you don't have to have the whole swallowing thing.

26:50 Adam No.

26:51 Drew Tell Holly what she can do.

26:52 Adam That's part of what makes me a world class receiver for.

26:56 Drew But even the world class receptive system.

26:59 Adam Yeah. And here's the thing about me. A lot of guys, some guys are stronger in a, let's say, reclining position than I am. Other guys are stronger in a horizontal position. A lot of other guys are maybe marginally better standing up. Nobody covers the three bases like I do. No one covers the sofa BJ, the bed BJ, and the shower BJ like the Ace man. Nobody.

27:22 Drew Okay.

27:22 Adam Do you hear me?

27:23 Drew I hear you.

27:24 Ron Livingston I got a question for the caller. Is this an issue about swallowing or just?

27:29 Drew Just the swallowing.

27:30 Ron Livingston No, because she said in the mouth though.

27:32 Adam Yeah.

27:32 Ron Livingston Is this no spitting?

27:35 Caller Yeah, even that like if any comes in my mouth, it's just like I just start gagging like instantly.

27:44 Adam Right.

27:44 Drew So no way you could sort of dispose of it.

27:48 Adam How about a liner for the mouth like a trash can?

27:51 Drew Yeah.

27:53 Caller Are you serious?

27:55 Adam I think I may have stumbled on to something.

27:56 Drew I think he's on to something.

27:57 Adam Get the glad people on the phone now. And I'm not talking about that band of gays. I'm talking about the people that make the trash bags.

28:05 Caller Like when I point it.

28:06 Ron Livingston Like with a tequila shot, you do the lime and salt first.

28:12 Caller I thought about like what if I eat something or, you know what I mean, like honey or something?

28:18 Adam Well, I would go the opposite way. I'd eat some fecal matter and then this would be a welcome relief. You know what I mean? It's a relative thing. It's a chaser. Want another bite off the brownie, maybe? Or do you want a little sweet nectar? Yeah. See, it's all relative, Drew.

28:33 Drew I'm not sure there's any magical way to overcome this other than to say find something that works for both of you and don't be so focused on having to do this when it's something you can't tolerate.

28:42 Adam Also, let's say that I mentioned no one receives like the Ace man.

28:46 Drew Watch the show, right? I know you're dying to be asked. You want him to ask. There he goes. There he is.

28:55 Adam That's it?

28:56 Drew He can't expose you to too much.

28:57 Adam I was a Hickory Farm sampler, just the guy out front. Just a little toothpick. It was a toothpick with a little yellow cellophane on it of me receiving, but that wasn't the full kibbutzah. All right. We're having a good time today. So here's the thing. If you say to yourself, and I know this just sounds sort of Pollyanna-ish, but if you say to yourself, I gag every time I take a bite of this or every time I see this, you will do that.

29:25 Drew And for the record, if I were in Holly's position, I would gag every time too.

29:29 Adam Me too.

29:30 Drew Saying it or not.

29:32 Adam I know. But yet, most of the women, and God bless them, have managed to overcome this hurdle.

29:38 Ron Livingston Yeah, Drew, don't blow the deal here.

29:40 Drew It's another mystery of the women for me.

29:41 Adam They don't need it out. You know what I mean? They got enough excuses. Don't give them another one.

29:46 Drew Take a call. Danny is 17. Danny?

29:50 Hello?

29:51 Adam What's happening?

29:52 Hey, what's going on?

29:53 It's actually a Danny Boy Rosa Parks from Kansas City.

29:57 Oh.

29:57 Adam Danny, baby.

29:58 Caller And it makes a left on red.

29:59 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

30:01 Caller I fought the ticket, Adam. I won.

30:04 Adam What?

30:04 Drew How do you do that so fast?

30:05 Adam Well, it's Kansas City.

30:07 It's Kansas City, baby.

30:08 Adam Yeah. In LA, you get a ticket. Your kids have to fight it.

30:11 Drew I've been fighting since May.

30:12 Adam No, I'm saying your kids are going to have to pick up the cause. Later on. You'll be gone. You'll be long gone.

30:17 Drew Supposedly.

30:18 Adam Just trying to clear your name is what it'll be about. Wait a minute. So, okay. So Danny is now Danny. We met, right?

30:28 Caller Yeah, we met at the Axe Body Spray Party. Thank you, Axe.

30:30 Adam That's right. And in New York. And you gave me a nice ass kissing, as I recall.

30:35 Caller Well, I do believe in kissing the ass of Carolla.

30:38 Adam No. And listen, you want Carolla's ear, you start from the ass and then work your way to the ear because I was all ears with Danny. You're great. I want you to know you're a genius. Hey, buddy. What's going on? Well, later on, he got tired of me talking to him and left, but the point is, I remember talking to Danny and I, okay, now here's the thing. Hold on a second, Danny. All right. I am, you live in Los Angeles, do you not, Ron? And I live in Los Angeles. It is, oh, by the way, today set a new honking record for myself in terms of I don't honk at the person in front of me. I will honk three or four cars ahead of me oftentimes like, hey, and then the person turns around and they're like, what do you want me to do? This guy won't turn right. It's like honk at him, you puss. That's what I want you to do. Hey, you know what I'm doing to you? Yeah. See how I got your attention? Pass it on. Little Uncundral, honk one on to him. Hey, if you can skip one over this guy, I honk eight cars forward today. Poor chick was in a Miata. She just turned around and was like, what the hell do you want me to do? There's six cars. I was like, give him the horn. Let's go. We're not turning. We can turn right here. Our lives are going by. Okay, I got stuff. We're getting with Danny. No, no. All I'm saying is, what is it in Los Angeles that we have so much time that we can just spend our entire lives sitting in our automobiles when the coast is clear kind of things? It's legal to turn right on the red. There's no traffic coming. There's one puss up front who's out of it and doesn't know what's going on. By the way, is it rude for us to honk or is it rude for him to hold up eight people?

32:19 Drew I think our freeways have become so effed up that we're not taking them anymore. We're all now all on the service streets all the time. These things really add up, they really get to us.

32:29 Adam Are people in LA that beaten down, is it that downtrodden, like, hey, we live in LA, that sucks?

32:36 Ron Livingston One guy can hold up nine or ten guys.

32:38 Drew And a lot of people from other countries and things here.

32:40 Adam Okay, Drew, don't start playing the race card. I'm just saying. No, I know, you're right. And there is, oftentimes, one guy holding up, yes.

32:49 Drew Where they don't know they can turn right on red? I keep thinking that you must be.

32:52 Adam Okay, that's what I keep thinking, and then I keep thinking to myself, where is the educational campaign? Where is, yes, there's somebody who is from Idaho who doesn't think it's right to turn right or it's not legal. They grew up, they got 37 years behind the wheel in Idaho, and now they're out here for two years and they haven't figured out that it's okay to turn right on a goddamn red, and we ain't helping by not honking, we're enabling. And everyone in LA is just sort of sitting back. I think what it is is we're not nice, we're just scared we're going to get shot. But it's like, look, listen, the person that's not turning right on the red is bad, but maybe they know not what they do. Those of you who are behind them, who do know honking, you are aiding and abetting.

33:39 Ron Livingston Or a gentle push out into the end.

33:41 Adam Just a little shot.

33:42 Drew By the way, I had that experience and I kept thinking, oh, here she goes. Okay, she's going. In the meantime, I should have been honking and honking, but I kept thinking, she goes and now the light turns red.

33:51 Adam And here's my thing. I literally sit nine cars back on the freeway off-ramp when there's no cars coming the other way and we're not turning red, the light's red, no one's turning and we're in the right turn lane. And I'm thinking to myself, am I the only guy who's going out of my bean here? Like, why aren't we moving? What's going on? I don't see any traffic. How come I'm on the horn? I give the toot eight cars back. It doesn't translate. The poor chick in the Miata is like an escaped mental patient is honking, whatever they want to do, pick up the car like Fred Flintstone and carry it over. She's looking at me like, what? I'm doing this sort of retarded point thing that makes, it's like talking to a dog about what he's done to your slipper. It's like he has no idea and I realize it's nothing. Here's all I'm saying. How about a little campaign? How about the Shake Your Ass campaign? Let's go. Let's get it moving. Mocks now. Let's go. You can turn right on the red. Let's go. You're holding up the whole god damn city. Let's move. And shouldn't this person get a ticket? Where's this person's ticket? Really? I get the ticket for coasting through the four way at 4 a.m. up at a halfway up Beachwood. That's the ticket I get. No ticket for the guy who won't turn is holding up. The freeway off ramp is backed all the way up because this post ain't turning right. No ticket there. Never got a ticket for that one. Doesn't exist. Why not? Why not the ticket to get us moving? Don't we want to get the town moving? Nobody interested in that. Cops are pussies. All the pussy politicians could talk about is safety and by, we're going to get this town moving but we're going to do it safely. No such thing. Speed it up. Get people moving. Crack the whip.

35:23 Drew We want to talk to Danny about the ticket.

35:25 Adam Oh, Danny. What about me?

35:26 Drew How did he fight a ticket?

35:27 Adam Oh. So anyway, Ron.

35:28 Drew Maybe he may have brought your name up in court. That's what I want to hear.

35:30 Adam Hold on. He wouldn't have done that.

35:31 Drew I want to hear.

35:32 Adam I said, I've been begging people in Los Angeles to turn left through the red arrow when the light was green because it's another thing. They're popping up all over the place and we're just sitting there like tards waiting to be t-boned. Just sitting at these red arrows at the intersection that the light is green, there's no cars coming. Just turn. And that's what I do every day and I've been encouraging people to do it. Poor Danny got two tickets. How did you get two tickets, by the way?

35:58 Caller Well, Ace, man, I made the first one per your advice and I got it and then I heard you talking about it a couple nights ago and I thought, you know, I'm just going to do it again. And lo and behold, a motorcycle cop was there yet again.

36:11 Adam You also, by the way, got to look for the fuzz.

36:13 Drew That was one of his big recommendations is to look around.

36:18 Adam Oh, I look around like a linebacker dropping back into pass coverage. So I'm like Ray Lewis in that car, head going all the way around.

36:26 Drew How did you get out of it?

36:27 Caller The guy didn't show up.

36:28 Adam Oh, the cop didn't show up.

36:30 Caller The cop didn't show up.

36:31 Adam Probably at a barbecue or something.

36:33 Caller I have another one and I was wondering if Adam would represent me on that one.

36:37 Adam I'll do it via speakerphone.

36:39 Via speakerphone.

36:40 Adam Yeah. No, I'm not going. We were out in Kansas City some years ago, not a great experience restroom, you know what I mean?

36:48 Caller No, we were the first state in the country to ban gays from getting married today. Oh, really?

36:52 More importantly, oh yeah.

36:53 Drew Missouri, yeah.

36:54 Adam Oh, interesting.

36:55 Caller And we passed a law that there's actually no right on red in certain places now.

37:01 Adam Oh, okay. That's a lot of states. Listen, thanks Danny, but I can't hang in KC now.

37:07 Drew You're never going back.

37:08 Adam Never going back.

37:09 Drew We brought barbecue experience.

37:11 Adam Drew and I, we did a college in Kansas City.

37:13 Drew University of Kansas.

37:14 Adam Chick picked us up at the airport and said, you fellas know how to get to the hotel? I was like, yeah, yeah, hold on. Yeah, just go down the old mill road. Go down the old mill road. Now there's a tree block in it if memory serves. We'll just get out. We'll go on foot for a while. I've never been here. I don't even know. First off, I'm drunk. I've been flying for six hours. I don't even know where I am. Where are we? Who are you? How dare you?

37:41 Drew There's one thing we wanted.

37:44 Adam Drew, what wasn't wrong about that trip to KC?

37:47 Drew Well, the event wasn't wrong. That was good.

37:50 Adam Ron Livingston is here tonight. We'll take a little break. Black book. Little black book, I should say, name of the new movie out this Friday, and we'll be right back after this.

38:10 Drew Anderson, leave him alone.

38:25 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Ron Livingston is here tonight from Little Black Book, out in theaters as we speak. Friday. Yeah, oh, sorry. As we speak, if you put this on tape and listen to it in two days, it would be Friday. Yeah, Drew, you all right?

38:46 Drew What's it rated? R, I think.

38:50 Adam Who was it, R?

38:51 Ron Livingston PG-13, I don't know.

38:52 Drew I don't know when we take my kids.

38:53 Adam That's cool. It's PG-13.

38:56 Ron Livingston I was supposed to know that.

38:57 Adam It's cool not to know. Yeah. I like that. It's like when I asked Tommy Lee what year his Ferrari was and he was like, huh? What year is that Pestrosa? Oh, I couldn't tell you. Like, wow, that's rich. That's great. It's no idea what year it is. I don't know, it's just a grocery getter. Yeah, that's the old lady. All right, let's hop to the phones and speak to Jubilee.

39:24 Yeah.

39:24 Adam You better be black.

39:26 No.

39:27 Adam How do you get a name like Jubilee?

39:30 My parents are X-Men freaks.

39:33 Drew X-Men?

39:34 Yeah.

39:34 Adam Oh, there's a character in X-Men named Jubilee?

39:38 Yeah.

39:40 Adam You should be removed.

39:43 Drew Something's wrong, it does not compute.

39:48 Adam Well, the men part does, like X-Berg or X-Men. These are Jewish names, Drew. But, laugh it up, buddy.

39:55 Drew But, comic's true.

39:56 Adam It's too good to interrupt, though, can't you mean? Yeah, it's too good to be true, but Jews aren't, they're a different kind of nerd, but they're not the comic book nerd. They're not the Trekkie nerd. That's the domain of the Gentop.

40:07 Drew Oh, it's Jubilee.

40:09 Caller Ah, Jubilee.

40:10 Adam I get it now, okay. Look, I think I saw the first X-Men movie, I don't remember Jubilee.

40:18 Well, okay, first of all, there is more out there than just the movies, it's called the comic books. And in the cartoon.

40:28 Adam Oh, there's X-Men in the cartoon?

40:32 Drew There's a superhero Jewish person, Jubilee.

40:35 Ron Livingston What are Jubilee's powers?

40:37 She can shoot fireworks out of her wrist or something, I don't know.

40:42 Adam Swear she was gonna say ass. All right, she shoots fireworks out of her wrist. All right, so you're Jubilee, and do you have a brother like Aquaman or the Silver Surfer or something like that? Do you have any other crazy names in the family?

40:57 Well, we have a lot of crazy names, but they're none like that, though.

41:04 Adam All right, Jubilee, and that's Jeff, named him after Papi. All right, so here's the whole thing, too. I may be at risk of angering some of our listeners, but I've never read a comic book, obviously. I've always decided that this is super nerdville here, and I might use this thing for like a belly rag, but that's about it. I can't understand those who get into it, those who trade it, those who argue over it, those who get a boner two years in advance when their favorite comic book is coming to the big screen. It just seems incredible to me. Yes, Ron, am I offending you?

41:44 Ron Livingston You know, I think I've seen, I wasn't really a comic book guy, but I've seen some that I like, and they're graphic novels now, they're calling them graphic novels.

41:52 Adam Oh, really?

41:53 Ron Livingston And some of them, they look like storyboards.

41:55 Adam The cover looks great, and then they're all black and white.

41:59 Ron Livingston You need a couple million dollars to make a movie, but if you have a pen, you can do a comic book.

42:03 Adam Yeah, and no girlfriend. Jubilee? Go ahead, baby doll.

42:09 Okay, first of all, I don't know. My parents just grew up with that, and they just wanted us to grow up with that. I love the Ninja Turtles now, and I'm 15, so I don't know.

42:20 Adam All right, well, that's fantastic. All right, so...

42:23 Okay, you want my question?

42:24 Adam Sure, go ahead.

42:25 Okay, and you can't think I'm a total slut or a whore if I tell you, okay?

42:29 Adam Too late, but go ahead.

42:31 Okay, well, I had this boyfriend, and he told me that I was like, love his life, and I fell in with it, and then he screwed me, and then dumped me.

42:42 Drew So he coerced you into having sex with him by telling you how much he loved you?

42:47 Adam You stinkin whore! Then, yeah, this happens.

42:50 Drew Keep going. Yeah, guys will say whatever.

42:54 And then ever since then, I can't get an orgasm.

42:56 Drew Were you actually able to have an orgasm on your first time with him? Yeah.

43:01 Adam Really?

43:02 Drew No way.

43:02 Adam No way. Well, she's a superhero. She has a stuff shoot out of her. Hoo-ha. All right, so Jubilee, listen to me, sweetie pie. You're 15. Slow it down a little bit.

43:14 Caller I know, I'm sorry.

43:14 Drew All right, that's all right. How long ago did you leave this guy, or did he leave you?

43:18 Caller He left, he totally dumped me afterwards.

43:20 Drew How long ago?

43:22 Caller Like about a year and a year and a half.

43:26 Caller And I was dating him for a really long time, too. I was dating him for like a year and a half.

43:31 Drew So you were 14 when you had sex with him?

43:33 Caller Yeah.

43:34 Drew Ouch. All right, just slow it down, relax. If you were able to orgasm at 14 with a male, that you are indeed a superhero.

43:45 Adam Yes.

43:45 Drew Indeed, and those powers will return.

43:48 Adam Yeah, you'll be fine.

43:50 Drew But just slow it down, slow it down.

43:52 Adam All right, ah, parents, really? Really, I would hate.

43:57 Ron Livingston Fortunately, she's anonymous, you know, Jubilee.

44:00 Adam Yeah, no one, everyone knows, there's so many of them at school, you wouldn't know which one was calling in. Tabby? There's a million Tabby's, too. You're 18? You're named Tabby?

44:12 Caller Yes, I am.

44:13 Adam All right, I like that, too.

44:16 Drew What's up?

44:16 Adam Sweet, what's up?

44:19 Caller Well, I've known my boyfriend for about a year, and we've been dating officially for about five months, and he goes to school far away.

44:29 Drew You're in Chicago, where does he go to school?

44:32 Caller University of Puget Sound.

44:33 Adam Mm-hmm, all right. And so what do you want him to know?

44:37 Well, um.

44:39 Drew Party school.

44:40 Caller He is gonna go back to school at the end of this month, and I don't know how I'm gonna handle myself. I don't know, I just.

44:49 Adam You gonna cheat?

44:50 Caller No, no, I love him. I've been with these real bad, bad guys.

44:56 Adam Right, so you say you don't know how you're gonna handle yourself. You mean you don't know what you're gonna do?

45:01 Caller I'm really depressed.

45:03 Drew This is a stalking material.

45:05 Adam Oh, really? Well, it is her boyfriend after all.

45:11 Drew But I know, but she's known all along. He was going back to college. She's gonna show up at his doorstep.

45:15 Adam You gonna show up? Are you scared? Are you accusing him of cheating or anything like that? Some hot chicks down at the University of Puget Sound. I'm picturing like the Gordon's Fisherman out there, like a bearded woman smoking a pipe with no mustache and a slicker. Going like, argh! And saying like, baby, and stuff like that. Really?

45:37 Ron Livingston Fisherman's friend on her breath.

45:39 Adam How many colleges do we need, by the way? Do we need one over at the Puget Sound? Don't we have enough colleges? We gotta run into one every eight feet? All right, listen, he's going and when's he coming back?

45:52 Caller He'll be back for...

45:54 Adam When the tides are right?

45:56 Caller Christmas.

45:58 Drew Christmas break. Listen, you gotta get a grip on this. It's great that you have a close relationship. It's suspicious that your previous relationships have been so dysfunctional. All of a sudden you pour everything into this one. Neither is a healthy way to go. You have to be a little more flexible and realize that at your age, people go different directions. They go to college. The relationships aren't supposed to be forever. And yes, you can try to sustain it across these circumstances, but I would pour everything.

46:24 Adam How much money would someone have to pay you to go back to that place emotionally, Drew? That weird clingy, I'll freak out, I'll die. I can't breathe when you leave. How much, Drew? How much? I'm gonna kill him now. Name your price, write it down.

46:36 Drew No price, no price.

46:38 Caller I'm not really that clingy, though.

46:39 Adam Oh, that was Drew, actually. All right, well, look, then he'll, if you're not that clingy, he'll be back in the mid.

46:46 Drew Enjoy, have a life. It's meant to be, it'll have a life. Focus on your life. It's meant to be, it'll be.

46:49 Adam That's right, you gotta let it go. It's like a bird. And then if the bird comes back, the birds ever come back, by the way? Everyone I know has lost a parakeet, it flew off, and then it come back four months later. I just need to clear my beak, man, I'm back.

47:01 Drew Everyone knows that, butterflies come back.

47:03 Adam He let it sit free, man, and if it comes back, what, this the anima group, right? Ron Livingston is here. Ron was just staying for the first hour, but now he's gotta say just one more break. Just one more, just one more break, because you gotta come back, we gotta say bye, we gotta plug Little Black Book. All right, we'll be right back after this.

47:37 Drew Just a classic parable, you know what I mean? They tied it all together at the end where they made......even though they made fun of the woman all the way through, by the end you were like...

47:56 Adam Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. One more break with Ron Livingston, who's in Little Black Book, which is coming out this Friday. And I'm assuming it's a very large release. Yes? Do you have any idea how many screens it's gonna hit?

48:17 Ron Livingston I don't know, but if it's as many as the buses, the bus posters, then it'll be a lot.

48:24 Adam And there's not much out in the romantic comedy department right now. Is there or am I missing something?

48:31 Ron Livingston I don't think so, I don't think so.

48:33 Adam I saw The Village, by the way. Village was good, not great, just good. You know, it had a twist and a turn. It was slow.

48:43 It was awful.

48:44 Adam Well, here's the thing.

48:45 Caller The twist was so bad, Adam.

48:47 Adam Here's the thing, I didn't see it coming, so if I didn't see it coming, I'll accept it as a decent twist.

48:54 Caller But you go from small to big, not big to small.

48:57 That was terrible.

48:58 Adam I felt swindled.

48:59 Caller I was swindled on the cash.

49:00 Adam Swindled? I felt bamboozled. How do you think I felt? I bought the guy, I went with the ticket, you know?

49:05 I bought the girl, I went with the ticket.

49:07 Caller I was pissed.

49:07 Adam Yeah, but you gotta beat ya. I just got a handy.

49:12 Caller Don't go see the village.

49:14 Adam All right, don't go see it. The most, it was, here's the thing. It was sort of plotting and slow, and you had to sort of stay with it, and it's not a fast, if you have ADD, don't go see the village. I didn't think it was that bad. M. Night's done better work. Seems like he's getting a little full of himself, by the way. Always the most distracting part of an M. Night Shyamalan film is him. When he insists on putting himself in the movie, and somebody said to me, well, Hitchcock would put himself in the movie. Hitchcock would be standing on the corner as they ran past him. This guy gives himself big, fat, meaty dialogue roles, and it's like, huh, who is this guy? What? What's this, what's the Taliban guy doing in the middle of Amish country, huh? What's he doing here, what? Very distracting, very distracting. This time, it wasn't distracting because of his ethnicity. He was too young for the, he was playing like some guy's supervisor or something, and he's like 29 and just didn't see him.

50:09 Caller He was in the reflection, though. You didn't even see him.

50:11 Adam You didn't really, you didn't even see him, but I remember, here's how I know the guy is a bad actor.

50:17 Caller Because you know it's him, right, when he starts to talk.

50:19 Caller When he starts to talk.

50:19 Adam No, better, better yet. I think to myself, boy, the guy who played that part seemed miscast. And then later on, when I look at the credits, like I remember the first time I ever, I ever saw, what the hell is that? Quentin Tarantino, not Reservoir Dogs, but.

50:37 Caller Pulp Fiction.

50:37 Adam Pulp Fiction. I remember, I remember Jimmy and I saw a surprise, a screening of that early screening. We're like, hey, everything was good, except for that one dude. Wonder who he knew. Oh, that's the guy who wrote and directed the film. All right, but listen, I'm gonna do that too one day. Write and direct, put myself in, half of the film. Too late. All right, so you didn't like the village at all then Anderson. It's not on any.

51:01 I was swindled.

51:02 Adam You were swindled. You had to know, you had to know. I mean, circles sucked, or signs or whatever the hell it was.

51:09 Siggins was good, I didn't mind it.

51:12 Adam He stuck with it, there was creatures. There was no creatures. Yeah, there was an advanced alien civilization that couldn't get their way into a barn after nine hours.

51:20 Drew Yeah, I read the same review.

51:21 Adam All right. Oh, hold on a second. I'm a dick, I know. All right, quiet down, because anyone, one time it's like, whenever I get accused of reading a review, Drew, please jump in.

51:30 Drew Adams never read anything.

51:31 Adam Thanks.

51:32 Drew You heard somebody talking that had read the same review.

51:35 Adam All right, would you please shut your own mic off? And then ram it through the tray, kid, please.

51:40 Drew Talking to Lance Linnett.

51:41 Adam Where are we?

51:41 Drew Gotta love Livingston, let's go. Ron, stay here an extra 20 minutes, make it a good 20 minutes.

51:45 Adam Let's go, let's get, let's be positive. Yeah, I remember one time there was a producer over on the X show that was accusing a guy of sending him negative emails by Adam Carolla. And it's like, that Adam Corolla is sending me these emails filled with hate and vitriol. And I was like, no, Adam Corolla can't type.

52:03 Drew Can't type, can't read.

52:05 Adam Thank you. You would defend me in court, right? If anyone said I was sending them negative emails or reading reviews.

52:10 Drew I would say to your honor, it's simply impossible. It's just impossible.

52:15 Adam It's like accusing a walleye of sending a bad email, right? Like it's just impossible. A fish cannot send an email.

52:21 Drew Or some, yeah, some guy without legs running down the street.

52:26 Adam Can't happen.

52:26 Drew Can't run.

52:27 Adam Okay, buddy, I get it. I get it, I'm dumb. Linda? You're 18?

52:34 Drew A dumb genius, though.

52:35 Adam A diabolical, dumb like a fox. Go ahead, Linda.

52:40 Well, I was just wondering, is it bad that I don't get orgasms after a whole year of having a sexual relationship with my boyfriend?

52:55 Drew You're 18. Many women don't start having orgasms till well into their 20s. And most, you've heard me say this a million times, most never have orgasm with intercourse. They'll have it only with some sort of a direct stimulation like oral sex.

53:10 Adam When you say most, you mean all.

53:14 Drew All that should come in contact with Adam Carolla.

53:17 Adam Yeah, but boy can he receive pleasure. Linda, does he give you oral sex?

53:29 No.

53:31 Adam All right, that's a no. And it says here he's 15? Why you, I mean, an 18 year old chick with a 15 year old guy, that's a pretty big chasm there. How come?

53:48 Oh, I don't know.

53:49 Adam Well, who's, okay, here's.

53:52 Ron Livingston Where was that when I was 15?

53:54 Drew Who's life is Linda leading by the way? It's like everything's like, huh? I don't know, how would I know?

54:00 Adam How did you meet this guy?

54:07 Drew Trick question, too tough.

54:09 Adam Listen, listen, please, hold on. Attention Tards who call this show, please speed up. You know, it's like, what is a picture? It's like they're reading a ticker tape or something, trying to get their next thing. It's like the crawl on the bottom of the CNN. Like, where did I meet him? It's like someone's typing it into a computer. It's on the crawl underneath the screen. Just give the goddamn answer. What are you staring at? Something shiny? What is so distracting, Linda? Answer the questions. What's up? Let's go, baby dog. Get on your feet now. Where'd you meet him?

54:45 He's my brother's friend.

54:48 Drew All right, brother's friend.

54:50 Adam Watch, Drew, ask me.

54:52 Drew Where'd you meet him? Okay, yeah.

54:55 Adam That's how you do it. All right.

54:58 Ron Livingston How about on your own?

55:00 Adam What's that?

55:00 Ron Livingston Can she have an orgasm by herself?

55:03 Drew How dare you ask that question, Ron?

55:05 Ron Livingston I'm just curious.

55:07 Adam Linda, go ahead. Can you have an orgasm on your own? Ron needs to know for later.

55:11 Caller I don't know.

55:15 Drew See, like I said, whose life is Linda leading?

55:17 Adam I don't know.

55:18 Drew It's certainly not Linda's.

55:19 Adam Yeah, but I wish someone who was more entertaining had inhabited her body. I really do.

55:25 Drew That would be a no. She doesn't.

55:26 Adam So no.

55:27 Drew And most women don't.

55:28 Ron Livingston But you gotta, don't you crawl before you walk?

55:30 Drew Most women, it doesn't work. It's not like the male. It's a totally different system. And so, men, you can't keep hands off that area. Women, it sort of doesn't do anything unless there's a relationship.

55:41 Adam A lot of women.

55:41 Drew A lot. Some are fine with it and some become fine with it.

55:44 Adam Right, most become more comfortable in their own vulva later on in life.

55:50 Drew It's with their own vulva, not in their own vulva.

55:52 Adam Oh, with their own vulva, sorry. Linda? All right. Oh, mercifully the phone has cut out. Linda?

56:00 Yeah?

56:01 Adam Okay, baby. Now, he's 15, you're 18. What grade is he in?

56:09 Caller He's going to be a junior.

56:11 Drew He's a couple years ahead? Oh, he's almost 16.

56:20 Adam I don't know what it is. I'd rather just hear my own naïve way of home. Okay, here's the thing. Who cares? I'm done talking to you.

56:28 Caller Don't ever call Shaka.

56:29 Drew Well, there was sort of no question.

56:31 Adam Sort of no question, but boy, did she make rock soup out of that question. She fed the whole goddamn town with that one non-question. Melissa?

56:41 Caller Yeah?

56:41 Adam You're 18?

56:42 Caller Yep.

56:43 Adam All right, what's going on, baby? Here we go now.

56:46 Caller Well, okay, my friend Kim introduced me to her boyfriend, James.

56:51 Caller Uh-oh.

56:52 Adam Uh-oh, and that you named two people 10 seconds into the call, which always sets our boguosity meter to red, yeah.

57:01 Caller Liar, liar whore, liar whore, and you know it.

57:04 Adam Drew, please, let her finish. Go ahead.

57:08 Caller Okay, and like me and James get along really well.

57:13 Adam Smart to use the name again.

57:15 Caller Yeah, we like...

57:17 Caller What?

57:18 Adam What? Go ahead.

57:19 Caller Okay, and like we talk about like everything, like political subjects and everything.

57:27 Adam I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that one.

57:29 Drew I wanna see the thought bubble over his head while he's talking about John Kerry.

57:32 Adam Giant vagina, giant vagina, and then there's like trains going through tunnels, and the Washington Monument, you know, it never, it never, it's just all some rockets taking off on the launch, man. Yeah, yeah, John Kerry, yeah, all right.

57:54 Caller And like, she keeps telling me things like, that she notices that he pays more attention to me when I'm around.

58:03 Drew Than her.

58:05 Caller Yeah, and he like said he wants to break up with her so he could be with me.

58:10 Drew He's told you that. He has told you that?

58:13 Caller Yeah, but.

58:17 Adam Hey, Melissa.

58:18 Caller Yeah?

58:19 Adam You're gonna need to turn your radio down, goof-tard.

58:22 Drew So James and, what was it, on the cam? So they can't listen.

58:25 Adam Right, turn the radio down or tell them to shut the door.

58:28 Drew Turn your radio off.

58:29 Adam Goof-tard, by the way, I like that. It's a good name, it's a good German name, too. That's Gouff-tard Schultz. Good German name, Gouff-tard. All right, so Melissa, let's just say we believe Melissa. So all right, she has the hots for her girlfriend's boyfriend.

58:48 Drew What is your question? He has the hots for you. What do you want to do? What's the question?

58:52 Caller Well, I would like to go for them, but I don't know how I should, how should I tell her?

58:58 Caller Well, that's his job.

58:59 Adam That's his job.

59:00 Drew No, no, by the way, Melissa, your plan is to destroy your friend so you can take her out of the way as an object of affection for this guy. I mean, you think about what you're planning here. You're planning, this is your good friend, you're planning on ruining her relationship so you can be with some a-hole. And your desire to tell her or to deal with her is purely so you can sweep her out of the way.

59:24 Adam Well, is this truly a good friend of yours or just an acquaintance?

59:30 Caller We've been friends for a while, but I wouldn't say she's a true, true friend.

59:34 Drew Yeah, not since this guy showed up.

59:37 Adam Do whatever you want, just don't get pregnant, all right?

59:41 Caller Yeah.

59:42 Adam You strike me as someone who might not want to use birth control.

59:46 Caller Well, that's not true because I'm still a virgin.

59:48 Adam Oh, you are? Oh, are you planning on having sex with this guy? You pansy?

59:55 Caller No.

59:56 Adam No?

59:56 Caller No, I don't plan because I'm waiting till I get married. You pansy?

1:00:02 Adam Put the ring on my finger. You may want to float that one before he dumps on a friend.

1:00:07 Ron Livingston Don't tell him. Don't tell him that will serve him right. You're right.

1:00:10 Drew You're right.

1:00:11 Adam See if the political discourse stays the course. So rich.

1:00:15 Drew Such rich political energy. It'd be like, I will get on with the thought bubble.

1:00:23 Adam No, the same rocket on the pad just sliding down and blowing up like some bad Soviet, some Soviet rocket that never made it in 1971.

1:00:31 Ron Livingston He's voting for Bush.

1:00:33 Adam Everybody down. Yeah, yeah. Maria?

1:00:37 Yes.

1:00:38 Adam You're 25? What's up, baby doll?

1:00:42 Caller I just have a question. I have a problem with anger and I was just wondering how can I overcome that anger?

1:00:51 Drew Get more specific. What's the...

1:00:53 Adam What do you do?

1:00:54 Drew What happens?

1:00:55 Caller To me, it seems like I'm psychotic when I get to that stage. It's usually triggered by my boyfriend. He had a not really bad past, but since... How can I say this in a very nice way? He had girlfriends before me, right?

1:01:13 Caller How dare you?

1:01:15 Caller Yeah, no kidding. But I was a virgin when I met him and he was a really nice guy, blah, blah, blah. And I thought he was, he wasn't, he hadn't had so many girlfriends before him. And he kind of brought up his past and I started getting jealous. And now whenever he brings up something from the past, he had said, I'm sorry, by the way.

1:01:38 Adam Well now, do you get mad at him or do you get mad at the girls?

1:01:42 Caller At him.

1:01:44 Adam The ones who get mad at the chicks, those are the ones that end up on Springer.

1:01:48 Ron Livingston Do you work for Sony? This is the plot of my movie.

1:01:53 Adam Yeah, well it gets hold of the little black book.

1:01:59 Drew So by psychotic you mean you get so you can't control your behavior, you get enraged. Did you see a lot of this in your family growing up? People hitting and throwing things?

1:02:10 Caller No, actually no. Maybe I had when I was a kid or something, but I don't remember. My father wasn't really there. He was here and I was back in El Salvador with my mommy and things like that.

1:02:23 Drew You saw violence?

1:02:27 Caller A lot of it. Yes, in a way I'm very desensitized.

1:02:30 Adam Right, because of growing up in El Salvador?

1:02:33 Caller Yes.

1:02:33 Drew Did anybody hit you?

1:02:37 Caller Teachers?

1:02:40 Drew How about parents?

1:02:42 Caller No, actually my mother was very protective of us and my dad couldn't hit us or anything like that.

1:02:47 Drew Is there any manic depression in your family?

1:02:49 Caller I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.

1:02:52 Drew Is there manic depression in your family?

1:02:58 Adam Hold on a second, they don't have that in El Salvador, they are too busy stepping on land mines and thwarting, kidnapping attempts and violent coups and overthrows to be worried about the chemical imbalances, that's just like, are you kidding, go out and slaughter a goat, I don't know what you are talking about. And by the way, the teachers got to beat the kids in El Salvador, otherwise the kids wouldn't grow up and beat their kids, you see what I'm saying?

1:03:25 Drew Yeah, you got to have that.

1:03:26 Adam Yeah, it's a cultural thing. We cannot judge, all cultures are all the same, they are all beautiful, everything is the same. And if something is wrong with another culture, by the way, well it's not wrong, but if there is something, you know, genital mutilation or AIDS or something like that, it's different. If it is wrong, it's our fault.

1:03:45 Drew Of course.

1:03:45 Adam We must have done something.

1:03:46 Drew Yes. Well, you just soiled their culture.

1:03:48 Adam We did something. Whatever it is. All right. So now that we know that, we cannot judge. So you're zesty.

1:03:58 Drew No, no, she's not.

1:03:58 Adam She's zesty.

1:03:59 Drew She's nuts.

1:04:00 Adam Okay.

1:04:00 Drew That's how people kill each other. They go to these sort of fugue states where they're enraged and they dissociate and they kill.

1:04:05 Adam All right. So what should she do? Go back to El Salvador where she can fit right in. She actually work as a counselor.

1:04:11 Drew School teacher.

1:04:12 Adam School teacher, counselor.

1:04:14 Drew Maria, you might want to see something about this because whatever you've got to find, if not some sort of technique to deescalate yourself, maybe sort of develop relationships where you can regulate your feelings a little better. We really realize that your behaviors have impact and you can sort of take action before you spin into one of these fugue states.

1:04:33 Adam Now, where are the Sandinistas from? Nicaragua or El Salvador? Who do you have in El Salvador?

1:04:39 Drew They had a civil war.

1:04:44 Adam What did you have over there, Maria?

1:04:47 Caller What did I get?

1:04:48 Adam What did you have over there about 15, 20 years ago?

1:04:51 Drew Who were the feuding parties in El Salvador?

1:04:55 Caller They had the leftists and the guerrilla or whatever.

1:04:58 Caller We got that one.

1:05:00 Drew And the right.

1:05:02 Adam The left, right, and the middle. Discinellating. Did they have any good names?

1:05:07 Ron Livingston Did they wear bow ties on the right there, too?

1:05:10 Adam Did they have any good names?

1:05:12 Caller It was really, I don't know, to be honest with you. I'm glad I'm out of there, though. Yeah, good.

1:05:18 Adam Yeah, everybody is. But again, beautiful country, beautiful people. Can't judge. Government not made up of the people.

1:05:23 Caller Love the papooses.

1:05:24 Adam That's fantastic. All right, baby doll. Well, look, get some counseling. Gotta get some counseling, right?

1:05:28 Drew Yeah, you do, Maria.

1:05:29 Adam All right. You know what you're doing. You're okay. I mean, you're asking the right questions.

1:05:34 Drew She may be bipolar, too. I mean, that kind of irritability and that kind of manic... And she's a little pressured with her speech and all that stuff. Sometimes it will chemical help, those containment, prevent people from hurting each other.

1:05:46 Adam Again, if it's a cultural thing, we can't judge.

1:05:48 Drew What about the guy that killed his wife and hit her in a mattress?

1:05:51 Adam Oh, really? What happened? I didn't hear about that.

1:05:55 Drew By the way, he reminded me of your buddy from Windy City Heat. He had a head injury. He pretended to be a doctor because he was part of a family with doctors. He had sort of pathological low self-esteem. Really hung out at a convenience store all day. Wife started looking into, you know, he was supposed to be going away to have his national merit, do national board tests and things.

1:06:15 Adam Oh, he wasn't really a doctor.

1:06:16 Drew He wasn't anybody. He had a head injury and was sort of unable to function. And she was with him.

1:06:21 Adam How'd she marry that guy? I didn't think he was a doctor.

1:06:24 Drew Crazy, isn't it?

1:06:25 Adam Yeah.

1:06:27 Drew And it just kills him in a rage when she starts realizing that the guy's been lying.

1:06:30 Adam So he kills her. He kills her. Oh, really? And then puts her in a mattress?

1:06:36 Drew Hides her in a mattress.

1:06:37 Adam That's the crazy part. And then they find, is it the landfill one or is that something else?

1:06:43 Drew I think it's the landfill one.

1:06:44 Adam Oh. Same one. They said that was in Utah or something?

1:06:46 Drew Yeah.

1:06:46 Adam Oh, I thought it was out here.

1:06:47 Drew No, it's Utah. But it reminded me of your buddy. What's the guy's name for Windy City Heat?

1:06:52 Adam I don't know, Drew. Why?

1:06:54 Drew Because it reminded me of that, the kind of not reading social cues and having trouble with empathy. That's when they guys spin out. That's where they go.

1:07:01 Adam Okay, Drew. We'll keep that in mind. All right. Where are we, Drew?

1:07:06 Drew Line four.

1:07:07 Adam Line four? All right. Ron, you're this close to out of here. Alyssa?

1:07:11 Caller Hi.

1:07:12 Adam You're 16? Yeah, hold on a second. Forget it. Go ahead.

1:07:20 Caller I just want to say, Dr. Drew, your opera voice is amazing, and I really like opera, so...

1:07:25 Drew Thank you.

1:07:26 Caller I thought yours was good. But anyways, my problem is only older guys hit on me and want to ask me out and stuff. I know that doesn't really sound like a problem, but no younger guys at all when I go out with me. I haven't even held a guy's hand, and I'm 16, so I don't dress like a slut or anything, but what did you say?

1:07:45 Adam How old are the guys that hit on you?

1:07:48 Caller Anywhere from college age all the way up to 40.

1:07:51 Drew Do you look a lot older?

1:07:54 Caller I don't think I look that old, but-

1:07:55 Drew Do you dress provocatively?

1:07:57 Caller No. Actually, I go to a private school, so I dress-

1:08:00 Drew Are you in situations frequently where you're around older people?

1:08:04 Caller Well, I mean just around the mall and when I'm hanging out with my friends-

1:08:09 Drew Is it possible you're just dealing with the normal chaos?

1:08:14 Adam Every hottie 16-year-old gets hit on. Did she give us an age?

1:08:18 Caller I'm sorry, what?

1:08:19 Drew She gives college to 40.

1:08:21 Adam College to 40. Well, 40 is getting a little up there, but every-

1:08:25 Caller More 40 than college, though. More the older ones than the younger ones.

1:08:28 Drew Isn't that interesting?

1:08:29 Adam What are you doing Friday? Yeah.

1:08:31 Drew Were you victimized growing up?

1:08:33 Caller No, not at all.

1:08:35 Adam So you're healthy. You're hot. Whatever.

1:08:37 Caller I never had a boyfriend, ever.

1:08:39 Drew Are you very sophisticated looking? You know what I mean? Yeah, maybe some dude-able guys.

1:08:46 Adam Well, you say sophisticated looking means... Older. Affable.

1:08:50 Ron Livingston Do you go to an all-girls school?

1:08:51 Drew No, but you know, a guy in his 30s might misread some of the cues, might think, oh, it's a sophisticated college age.

1:08:57 Caller So should I try and like look younger or...

1:09:01 Adam Yeah, go with the pigtails and the huge lollipop. You'll attract a real quality breed of cat.

1:09:08 Drew Just keep your...

1:09:09 Adam I like that novelty lollipop.

1:09:11 Caller I feel like I've got a lot to offer and I don't know, I just would really like to experience like a relationship like that.

1:09:16 Adam Well...

1:09:16 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:09:19 Adam You're fine, by the way. But I want to get back to Ron's question. Is it all girl school?

1:09:24 Caller No. Like there's really hot guys there and I don't know. I don't even think I'm attractive. I don't know. Like I don't know if it's like if I'm...

1:09:31 Adam All right. Hold on. Hold on a second. Now, they got dudes. Like I don't want to burst any bubbles here, but if you're going to high school and you're a 16 year old chick and you're just sort of eager for the frame, good to go and nobody's asking you out. Yeah. Well, something's up and it's probably not a good thing. I don't know what it is, but...

1:09:53 Drew Then why would the 34 year old guys be coming after?

1:09:57 Adam Because they're willing to trade certain things for youth. Remember we had that conversation, Drew? Yeah. Yeah, a little fresh meat. Doesn't matter if it's good meat, just fresh, you know what I mean? We've been living off a pemmican. We've been living off stuff that's been salted and dried out on the line, you know, salmon, dried salmon and stuff, just a little fresh, even if it's just some wild game, just it's fresh, you know what I mean?

1:10:24 Drew Why would she though be getting squirrel meat, but it's fresh? It's fresh. Why more than her peers?

1:10:28 Adam Just got hit by an SUV.

1:10:30 Drew Why more than her peers? You know what I mean, if she's hanging out with a bunch of girls, why would she be the one that gets the...

1:10:36 Caller Melissa?

1:10:38 Caller Being around my younger friends, like my friends that are my age and stuff. It doesn't happen to them.

1:10:42 Drew Do you look like the nanny or something hanging out with the younger kids?

1:10:47 Adam Are you attractive? Let's just cut to the chase.

1:10:49 Caller Well, a gay guy, I thought I was a model, so I don't know if that... I guess I am.

1:10:54 Adam Confusing.

1:10:55 Drew This whole thing, the score isn't that up.

1:10:57 Adam Let's try to figure this out. How tall are you?

1:11:01 Caller I'm 5'7 and 3'4.

1:11:03 Adam 5'7 and 3'4? I heard you were 5'7 and 13'16, so you're selling yourself short.

1:11:10 Caller My weight is 131, so I'm a little overweight.

1:11:15 Adam Almost 5'8, 131.

1:11:16 Caller I'm trying to cut back, so I'm not eating as much, so...

1:11:19 Adam Cup size? That's fine. That's fine. Anything we need to know about, like wandering eye, cleft palate, hook nose?

1:11:32 Caller I've got dark brown hair and dark eyes.

1:11:34 Adam Dark eyes. Everything cool?

1:11:35 Caller No acne.

1:11:36 Adam Everything good? Skin's good?

1:11:37 Caller Yeah.

1:11:38 Adam All right. Well, no reason why some guys aren't going to start hitting on you any second at school.

1:11:46 Drew Is it super academically inclined, full of nerds that don't know how to...

1:11:49 Adam A lot of Asian kids play the harp and stuff?

1:11:52 Caller No, there's a lot of people at my school.

1:11:56 Ron Livingston What about on the girls' choice thing at the skating rink or the Sadie Hawkins dance? When you ask the guys out, do you get a lot of nos?

1:12:02 Caller Well, I don't know. It's really hard for me to ask guys out. I'd rather...

1:12:06 Drew Well, get good at that. Get used to that. Take control of things. Yeah, jump in. Break it down.

1:12:09 Adam Yeah, let's go.

1:12:10 Caller No, but then I feel like this gets bored. At first it'll be flatter, then it'll be boring.

1:12:13 Drew No, no, no.

1:12:15 Ron Livingston Start with the shy kids. Here's the shy kids in the corner. They'll love you.

1:12:18 Drew Here's what you got to know about men. They are lazy. And if you do their work for them, they're extra super happy.

1:12:23 Adam Watch. Yeah. Watch how lazy guys are. Well, we got to say bye to Ron.

1:12:29 Drew Bye, guys.

1:12:30 Adam Uh, Ron Live, uh, little, I'm just going to call it LBB. His name of his book coming out. I mean, uh, movies coming out.

1:12:40 Drew Movies to make a word. Just stay with book.

1:12:43 Adam Think like fry. The, the fry.

1:12:46 Drew Yeah.

1:12:47 Adam The, er, near, in, your, own. Sometimes I don't use the beginning letters. I get the end one like town. I always say own. All right. Ron, God bless you. Thanks for coming by. Always a delight. Come back anytime. We got some new movies coming up here. I see. Please come out and plug away when those hit the theaters. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Ron Livingston has left the building. Little black book, name of the movie, coming out this Friday. Always good to see Ron. All right, back to the phones we go, and we'll speak to Nigel, who's 23. Nigel?

1:13:50 Caller Yes, sir?

1:13:51 Adam What's up?

1:13:52 Caller Hey, I'm married and away from my wife a lot. I was wondering if there's something that would slow down the male libido.

1:14:00 Drew Male libido.

1:14:01 Adam Bullet in the head?

1:14:02 Drew Yeah, that's the only thing that would really slow it down.

1:14:05 Adam What about saltpeter, Drew?

1:14:06 Drew Yeah, I don't really know what, remember we had Tony Bennett on here who was saying that's what they used to give routinely?

1:14:12 Adam In the service. In the service.

1:14:13 Drew I didn't know what he was talking about. I don't know what that is even. But what do you mean?

1:14:15 Adam First off, I brought it up, and-

1:14:17 Drew And he started talking about it, right?

1:14:19 Adam Right, right.

1:14:20 Drew Yeah, I don't know what it is. I don't know what they're referring to in this. It could be anything. I don't know what the hell they're talking about.

1:14:25 Adam It's a substance.

1:14:26 Drew I just don't know what it is. I don't know what the name refers to. I look up the web, I have the virtual break.

1:14:32 Adam Chris.

1:14:33 Drew Saltpeter.

1:14:34 Adam Sorry, look up Saltpeter.

1:14:36 Caller Saltpeter?

1:14:37 Adam Have you heard of Saltpeter?

1:14:39 Caller Yes, I have.

1:14:40 Adam No, I know you have.

1:14:41 Drew Well, anyway, what occurs to me.

1:14:43 Adam I know you have. I just like. Saltpeter? No. Hold on a second. No, that's a junior college education.

1:14:49 Drew I know it. You're worrying about your course load for next year? I think I know what we gotta focus on here.

1:14:54 Adam Yeah, I rented course load over the weekend, by the way. It's a strong film.

1:15:00 Drew C-O-A-R-S-E.

1:15:01 Adam Course load.

1:15:06 Caller Course.

1:15:10 Adam Little dermabrasion. Course load.

1:15:14 Caller All right.

1:15:15 Adam That'd be a good name. A good college porn. Course load. All right, so listen, Nigel. By the way, it says you're in the Army.

1:15:24 Caller Yes, sir.

1:15:25 Adam You gotta be the only guy in the United States Army named Nigel.

1:15:30 Caller Probably, yeah.

1:15:31 Adam Yeah.

1:15:31 Caller Get on your knees, Scott Badge.

1:15:32 Adam There's probably more cess than there is Nigels.

1:15:35 Drew Must be a corporal or something. I mean, I gotta go.

1:15:38 Adam What are you? What do you do in the Army?

1:15:40 Caller I'm infantry.

1:15:41 Adam Infantry. And how come you're not in Iraq?

1:15:45 Caller I'm going in two months.

1:15:46 Adam Oh, you are?

1:15:48 Drew Oh, good news, Adam. That's good, thankfully. Thankfully, it's going over.

1:15:51 Adam The smell of a burning flesh will probably kill a little of the wood. But what about it, Engineer Chris? Is it any salt, Peter?

1:15:59 Is it a place to exchange ideas, recipes?

1:16:04 Drew No, that's not what we're thinking of.

1:16:12 Adam He never disappoints his kid.

1:16:15 Drew But Nigel, here's the deal. I think of things like serotonin reuptake inhibitors, Prozac, Zoloft, those kinds of drugs will kill your libido pretty good. So that's one thing. And can they masturbate when they're in the hole?

1:16:29 Adam If you've got to break off a piece of that fine Iraqi tale for yourself, I mean, so be it.

1:16:35 Caller I would never cheat on my wife.

1:16:37 Adam Beautiful, beautiful women running around there. Drew's getting on the, I'm telling you, I'm going to look into this Saltpeter over here. Dr. Drew claims to be a doctor.

1:16:46 Drew Sodium nitrate, a natural white crystal compound used in rocket propellants and the manufacture of explosive.

1:16:56 Adam Oh, they do use Saltpeter in that.

1:16:58 Drew Listen to this, in the past it was put in military rations to keep soldiers from, you can't, turn this up.

1:17:06 Adam Wait a minute, what's that have to do with the recipe exchange?

1:17:09 Drew In the past, Saltpeter was put in military rations to keep soldiers from being interested in sex. To ensure celibacy, what could it, sodium nitrate, what could it possibly do?

1:17:23 Adam Well, maybe it's a wives' tale, they used to use it in prisons too, I think.

1:17:27 Drew Really?

1:17:28 Adam Put some Saltpeter in the food. Funny, it's got the word Peter in it, maybe that's where Peter, maybe that's where Peter got used.

1:17:34 Drew Desperate women have been known to feed their husbands Saltpeter to keep them from straying. However, this practice is not recommended.

1:17:40 Adam Oh.

1:17:40 Drew That's nice.

1:17:41 Adam Underline that. What about the gazpacho recipe that's down a couple of boxes? Chris was interested in.

1:17:47 Drew Oh, let me get to that back again.

1:17:48 Adam All right.

1:17:49 Drew Hold this up.

1:17:49 Adam So where do you get the Saltpeter?

1:17:51 Drew Here we go. I'm going to the gazpacho recipe.

1:17:54 Adam Oh, please. Where do you get the Saltpeter? Is there any way you can get that? And when do you think the military stopped putting that in the food? Because I don't think it was something from the Civil War times.

1:18:04 Drew It says you can find it in large drugstores, patent medicine sections, along with glycerin, calamine.

1:18:08 Adam All right.

1:18:09 Drew Get it at meat markets or chemistry supply shops.

1:18:11 Adam Nigel.

1:18:13 Drew But I wouldn't, I don't, I don't know what this is. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, a million years of what I recommend doing.

1:18:17 Adam It's like salt, come on. Yeah, but how do you know what's the, what's the, Hey, do you give yourself, you just mix it in with your rations. Try this. All right, Nigel, I'm telling you, look into the saltpeter. Yeah, that'll, that'll keep you on the straight and narrow. And by the way, well, so what are you gonna do over there in Iraq? I mean, there's nothing to do, how can you cheat?

1:18:39 Caller Well, it's not bad. It's like, I don't see her, I see her on the weekends. Sometimes she's not in the mood and, you know, I don't want to push her because.

1:18:47 Adam She's not in the mood, but you only see her on the weekends?

1:18:51 Caller Yeah.

1:18:52 Drew How's your relationship going?

1:18:52 Adam Yeah, what's up with that?

1:18:56 Caller She lives in Oregon and I live in Washington.

1:18:59 Drew But how's the relationship going when you are home?

1:19:02 Caller It's great. We talk every night for a couple hours at least.

1:19:06 Adam Couple hours?

1:19:07 Drew You guys have kids?

1:19:08 Caller No, we don't have kids yet.

1:19:09 Drew How come she can't sort of help you out? You know what I mean? I've always find that kind of peculiar. Is she young?

1:19:18 Caller Yeah, she is.

1:19:19 Drew Because sometimes women don't really appreciate how men's biology works.

1:19:22 Adam No, but what do you mean help them out?

1:19:25 Drew Be empathic of how...

1:19:26 Adam Well, women don't do that.

1:19:28 Drew Eventually, they do break them down. Eventually.

1:19:30 Adam As a society, Drew, as a man of exquisite passion, probably just has like a glory hole in this bedroom. His wife had hooked up to shop vac many years ago. There. Yeah, you just drop your pants and dance. I'll hook myself into the mechanized glory hole. Oh, don't worry. This'll all be a memory in just a few minutes.

1:19:52 Drew By the way, thank you.

1:19:53 Adam Let me, keep dancing. No talking. That's too creepy. All right, so let me say this, Drew. We, as a society, have gone from, here, you wanna run back to this microphone, or you still wanna look up Saltpeter? We, as a society, have gone from the 50s and before, where we said, ladies, you have to please your man.

1:20:21 Drew Yeah, you have to, what are they used to call it? Take care of your husband.

1:20:24 Adam Take care of your husband. He's a man, he has needs.

1:20:27 Drew Wifely duties, yeah.

1:20:28 Adam Yeah, it's not just about getting in the kitchen and rattling a few pots and pans, he's a man, he has urges, you don't want him to stray, you have to take care of his urges.

1:20:37 Drew I wasn't sure it was about straying so much, it's just part of the whole relationship.

1:20:41 Adam All right, part of the whole thing. Now, that went to this sort of effed up 60s and 70s where you don't owe him anything. You're not an object, you're not there to please him, you're not a sex toy, you don't, well, here's the reality. Somewhere in between, which is a guy's cadence might be once a night. Your cadence may be three times a month. Once you blow a little steam off the pressure cooker every few days so the pot doesn't explode and you don't get the beans on the ceiling. Yes?

1:21:15 Drew Yes, but I think the fact is though, it's more that just appreciating what, you know, sort of like what he needs in a relationship and a guy needs that in a relationship. And one of the myths, not myths, one of the things people don't know about, say, lesbian relationships is after about six months, often the sex dies out.

1:21:33 Adam Oh yeah.

1:21:33 Drew Because women don't need that so much. They need the cuddling and stuff. And guys need to be appreciative of that too. They need to be very careful to, I mean that's-

1:21:40 Adam With the lesbos?

1:21:41 Drew No, no, they don't need lesbians. They need to be appreciative of women's needs in their relationship. And I think that's the bottom line. It's about what is real for the two individuals in their relationship. What do they need? And to be able to appreciate one another's needs and to deliver that and want to deliver that for them because you want them to be happy.

1:21:58 Adam Right, we have beaten into women's heads over the last few years that if you ever have sex with your guy in a situation where it's less than optimal for you, like maybe you're not really in the mood but you're just gonna do it anyway, then somehow you just become an object to him. You're receptive. Now meanwhile, it's okay to have sex with a guy at a party when you're loaded and you've never met him before. That part we haven't done a very good job of educating women with. Somehow that's okay. You can take on him and three of his buddies when you've had a few wine coolers at the frat party. No big deal with that. But once you marry the guy, you only have sex when you're good and ready and don't ever let anybody ever tell you. It's like, now listen, you're married. Marriage is all about doing crap you don't wanna do three quarters of the time.

1:22:52 Drew On behalf of the other person.

1:22:54 Adam Yes, yeah. And I agree that sexuality, Drew, stop that. Sexuality is different than breaking down the chores of the house, but it falls on a heading of doing something you might not necessarily wanna do because your partner would like you to do it at this time. And in certain ways, it's not much different than letting him pick the movie every once in a while.

1:23:17 Drew And you could be creative and enthusiastic about it, and then thus you have the shop vac and things like that.

1:23:24 Adam Finish him off, yeah, that's right. Jamie, Drew got bored halfway into the conversation and just started playing like a kitten with the marks a lot. Go ahead.

1:23:35 Caller Okay, I was calling because I'm 22. I've been married for four years. I have two children. And me and my husband have been trying to kind of spice up our sex life a little bit. And he has this thing about anal sex.

1:23:48 Adam Now for Drew, that's a smaller glory hole. Same piece of plywood, slightly smaller circumference on the hole. Yes, Drew?

1:23:56 Drew Superfluous. It's just a knot hole in a good piece of wood.

1:24:00 Adam Drew, I've been trying to penetrate it for years now. That's right. It's the kind of, it's the hole, what to Wile E. Coyote, what the train tunnel is to Wile E. Paint it on. Paint it on. Glory hole. Go ahead, Jamie. But then the next guy blows right through it.

1:24:18 Drew Right for him, it's a tunnel.

1:24:20 Adam That's right. All right, Jamie, so you guys want some anal. He wants some anal.

1:24:25 Caller Well, we've done it before, okay? Well, lately we've been doing it a little more often, but it seems like every time, like we're like in the middle of having just, you know, straight intercourse, all of a sudden I get this urge to want to do it that way.

1:24:38 Adam The anal, so.

1:24:38 Caller And then afterward.

1:24:39 Drew Why don't you ask to switch?

1:24:41 Caller Huh?

1:24:41 Drew Why don't you ask him to?

1:24:42 Caller Well, we do. And then after we're done doing it like that, just all of a sudden I get this feeling like I'm dirty. You know what I mean? Like slutty feeling.

1:24:50 Drew But that must be what you're looking for. You're looking for that feeling.

1:24:54 Adam Yeah.

1:24:55 Drew Some people, well, you gotta understand that people, some people, the way they're put together psychologically, they kind of keep a piece of themselves separated from their day in, day out self, let's say. They kind of have a bad self or a dirty self. And that's what makes, one of the things that makes people cheat is they want to feel whole. And so in order to connect with the bad self, they got to go be a bad person with a bad person. And just by engaging in this sort of bad activity with your husband, it's your husband, right? Boyfriend, husband. You sort of connect with all that. Now, it's not particularly healthy because you're still not totally integrated. But on the other hand, at least you're doing it with him and not with somebody else and you can trust him and you can sort of experience that part yourself and examine it a little bit. There you go.

1:25:35 Adam Well.

1:25:36 Caller Is it like a natural thing?

1:25:38 Adam Listen, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.

1:25:40 Caller When you look at him and you think to yourself, I can't believe I just let you do that. That is, you know, just wrong.

1:25:45 Drew Well, Jamie was looking for a reason to be disgusted with him, which is different. That's a different thing than being disgusted with yourself.

1:25:50 Adam She is calling from Bakersfield. What's he do? Drive a truck or is he?

1:25:54 Drew He is a roofer. Mopper?

1:25:58 Adam What's he doing? Is he shingling? Is he hot mopping? What's he doing?

1:26:02 Caller No, he does like wood shake shingles. He does complete reroof.

1:26:07 Adam His business.

1:26:08 Caller He's a boxer. He does like California's toughest competitions.

1:26:12 Adam So he's anal rape, roofing, boxing. These guys are a renaissance, man. All right. All right. Well, at least he's working with a wood shingle, which, by the way, outlawed out here. You gotta worry about them fires out in this part of the country.

1:26:29 Caller If you need your roof re-done, I know someone who can do that.

1:26:30 Adam All right, we'll bring them out. Bakersfield, they're actually hoping the place burns down. The town father's been praying the place burns down for the last 70 years.

1:26:40 Drew Well, it's so hot there, sometimes the buskers just turn and catch on fire.

1:26:44 Adam You'll be roofing in Bakersfield, is by the way the threat that your high school counselor yells when you tell them to blow you in the 11th grade.

1:26:52 Drew You'll see, you'll be roofing in Bakersfield.

1:26:57 Adam Yeah, we are.

1:26:58 Caller I mean, I know this place sucks really bad.

1:26:59 Drew It's horrible.

1:27:00 Adam By the way, by the way, all right, well, listen, Jamie, what you're doing is fine. You sound OK. You're having a good relationship. God bless you. You're married. You have two kids. You're staying together. Fantastic.

1:27:12 Drew Just don't.

1:27:13 Adam No, it's all normal. It's all normal.

1:27:15 Drew Well, that's you. It's OK.

1:27:16 Adam And listen, most women have a component of their sexuality that's sort of naughty, dirty. Wonder if dad knew what I was doing, he would disapprove. That's fine. Whatever floats your boat, baby doll. You're doing good. Don't worry about it.

1:27:31 Drew Good times.

1:27:32 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Loveline. You know, Drew, smelling good is more than a smell. It's an attitude.

1:27:42 Drew That's true, Adam.

1:27:43 Adam It is?

1:27:43 Drew Yeah, yeah. I know how to get that attitude, too.

1:27:45 Adam How? Hey, everybody, Loveline. Let's get back to the phones. Let's get it on, Drew. You ready to get it on?

1:28:10 Drew Yeah, dude.

1:28:11 Adam Drew must clap.

1:28:11 Drew Nah, don't have that too lazy.

1:28:13 Adam Let's get it on. You ready to get it on? Yeah. Let's get it on. Kat. You're 20, welcome to the show.

1:28:21 Caller Thank you.

1:28:23 Drew What's up?

1:28:24 Adam What can we do for you tonight?

1:28:27 Caller Just seeking your opinion on something.

1:28:29 Adam All right.

1:28:29 Caller Shoot.

1:28:30 Drew Watch out for brake lights.

1:28:33 Caller My boyfriend and I, we go to two different schools in two different cities. And we've been doing this long distance relationship for two years.

1:28:41 Drew Just to put it in focus, where do you live and where does he live?

1:28:44 Caller He lives in LA, he goes to UCLA, and I go to UC Santa Cruz. Six hours apart.

1:28:51 Drew How long you guys been going out? All right, what's the question?

1:28:57 Caller And I'm thinking that next year it would be really, really ideal if we would live together. Because he's about to be finished.

1:29:05 Drew You want to get married, right?

1:29:07 Caller We want to get married, yeah.

1:29:08 Drew No, no, no, you want to get married?

1:29:10 Caller Yes.

1:29:10 Drew Okay, have you been, are you sure what his plans are, what he wants to do?

1:29:15 Caller Yes, we talked about it so much.

1:29:17 Drew Well, stop, stop with we. What does he want to do?

1:29:20 Caller He wants to get married, too.

1:29:22 Drew His life plan is to get married in his early 20s.

1:29:24 Adam Oh, Drew, he wants to get married.

1:29:25 Drew No, it's not his plan.

1:29:26 Caller Actually, we're planning on getting married when our careers have developed.

1:29:30 Drew Right, yeah, that's his plan.

1:29:32 Adam Well, look, hold on, hold on a second, Drew. This guy goes to UCLA. He's not some fresh buck from the valley who's looking to dip his wick in every piece of warm wax he runs into. He's like a studious guy, right?

1:29:50 Drew This is a guy who's been deferring gratification for many years and is going to want to see who he is when he gets into his career status.

1:29:58 Adam He's getting cathartic now. No, okay. First off, what's his nationality? What's his field of study?

1:30:08 Caller Well, he's Salvadorian-American.

1:30:15 Adam Senior nerd.

1:30:16 Drew So, Kat, you would want to...

1:30:17 Adam No, hold on a second.

1:30:18 Drew She wants to get married now.

1:30:20 Adam You decided he didn't want to get married or live with her eight seconds into the call. No, no, no. She keeps telling you, no, no, no. He wants to do it, but you don't want to be wrong because you decided very early into the call this is not going to work.

1:30:31 Drew No, no. She keeps saying, we, we, we. And I keep saying, well, yeah, that's fine.

1:30:34 Adam Well, yeah, she's saying, yeah. She's saying, well, you're saying what's his opinion. And she's saying, well, we spoke about this, the other. And you're, oh, what is this we stuff? He's a college student. Well, I know you're angry now, but he seems to be in love with Kat. He, he does want to live with you or not?

1:30:54 Caller He does. He really does.

1:30:57 Adam Then what's the problem? If any.

1:30:59 Caller The thing is, I'm Thai and my mother.

1:31:03 Adam You're Thai.

1:31:04 Caller Yes.

1:31:04 Adam Kid's going to come out looking like a Rubik's Cube. Nine different colors. Kid's going to come out looking like a parrot. All right. All right. So you're Thai, right?

1:31:17 Caller Right.

1:31:18 Adam By the way, the only Thai you see in Santa Cruz is Thai Stick. That's their only association with Thailand. But go ahead.

1:31:28 Caller Yeah, that's pretty much it. But Thai girls, we're not supposed to live with our boyfriends. We're just supposed to be with them and then get married.

1:31:37 Adam Yeah.

1:31:37 Caller Let's listen together before we get married to ask a question.

1:31:40 Adam Well, let me…

1:31:40 Caller How do you talk to my dad? And he says no, like absolutely no.

1:31:43 Adam Yeah.

1:31:44 Caller But I feel like he's offending me.

1:31:45 Caller He's underestimating me.

1:31:47 Caller But then I understand he's also being a father.

1:31:50 Adam Let me explain something to all the crazy nationalities moving to this great country of ours. And I haven't given this speech in a while. I know you want to have your days, you want to wave your flags, you want to have your marches, you want the DMV pamphlets printed in your native tongue. Let me just say something. You are here because, at least in your estimation, your country had room for improvement. Some might go as far as to say a dump. But most of you are in this country because in your country you have oppression, you don't have freedom of the press, you don't have safe streets, politicians and police are corrupt, women are oppressed, your vote counts for nothing, sewage runs raw in the river. Do I need to go on? Do you see what I'm saying? Months worth of work is equivalent to a day's pay over here. That's your country. You come to our country because we ain't that. We may not be great, but we ain't the asshole that you came from. So, adopt our policies, and when it comes to shacking up, we're number one in the world. So go ahead and shack up and do it because you're living in the greatest country in the world. All right. Quiet down. What do you care? He's into hers. They want to live together. Drew's wrong. Here's what you get when Drew's wrong. We'll see. We'll see. We'll see.

1:33:18 Drew We'll see. We will indeed.

1:33:20 Adam What's wrong with you, Drew? What's wrong with this? What's wrong? Don't give me, we'll see.

1:33:27 Drew She has hell-bent on marrying this guy. There's not a marriage at 20 in this situation that lasts.

1:33:33 Adam He's graduating. They want to live together. They don't want to get married for a while.

1:33:36 Caller Dr. Drew is right.

1:33:38 Adam All right. There's no anything. All right. Good night. All right, guys.

1:33:43 Caller Here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:46 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:49 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:57 Adam All right, that's the show. Drew's got under my skin tonight, clearly. He's trying it, but you know what? He starts up, and then he wants, he's eager for the fray. All right, my mic has come off. It's drafting.

1:34:12 Caller My arm here.

1:34:13 Adam So we'll take a little extended break. I want to thank Ron Livingston for coming out, Little Bike Book, name and everything. X-Books, X-Bikes, X-Games athletes coming in here tomorrow night in Los Angeles this year. So until next time, I'm Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. Whatever.

1:34:31 Caller This has been Loveline. Loveline. Opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, August 4, 2004