Episode 1000633692223

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:02 Drew Hey, a buddy. It's Loveline, madam. That is not Dr. Drew, that is Dr. Ben. Dr. Ben is a OBGYN. He's a gynecologist. He's a friend of the show. He's been on way more than once. And Drew, once again, is nowhere to be found. Where's Drew? Drew is in New York because somebody dropped a nickel and he want to run it. And he's going to be on Good Morning America tomorrow morning. And I don't know what the hell else he's doing. I'm going to New York at six in the morning tomorrow. And I'm already sort of pre-tired. See, I'm going to say, this is, I'm a, I can be sort of a miserable person. And if I know I got to get up at 5.45, I'm pre-miserable the day before, which is really not a great way to go through life, but that's how I choose to do it. I really have no choice.

1:50 Adam Do you sleep on the plane, though, when you're?

1:53 Drew I don't care. I've done it a thousand times. No big deal. But I just, I can't go to bed. Everyone does that thing where they go, well, you got to go to bed right when you get home. And it's like, look, I can't go to bed right when I get home. I just got off of work. You go to bed, people are stupid that way. Like, if you tell them you have to get up at 3.30 in the morning because you got to do Howard Sterling, you got to go to bed at 6.45. No, no, 7 o'clock that night. And listen, Jack, I can't go to bed at 7 o'clock at night. It's light outside. You got to go. You got to go bed. I was supposed to go to bed 11 hours before I normally go to bed, you idiot. Go to bed the second you get. I can't. I just got off work. I just got done screaming at teenagers for two hours. I can't go home and go right to bed.

2:37 How do you wind down?

2:38 Adam How do you wind down?

2:39 Drew Booze. Simple.

2:42 Booze, whatever.

2:43 Drew Red wine. Red wine is nice. I go home and I make love to my TiVo.

2:50 I love TiVo.

2:52 Drew I open a bottle of red wine and I sit there and I watch TiVo. Sometimes if I get really juiced up, I'll go to stuff I've done on TiVo like some celebrity Toyota car race. You know, I robbed a home run at the celebrity all-star game a year ago. The softball all-star game. Just pulled one from over the fence. If I get good and drunk, that's where I'll go to. I'll watch myself rob some guy, Brian McKnight of a home run, that's what I'll do. Or I'll watch me from the in-car camera from the Toyota Celebrity Grand Prix. Only if I get good and juiced.

3:26 Adam You know what you can do is you can press that instant replay button like that one that takes you eight seconds back and you can do it again and again.

3:34 Drew It's dangerous. You think TiVo is dangerous for everyone else and already. Wait till you get on TV and you get TiVo. You just watch yourself.

3:44 Adam Sweet.

3:45 Drew Just stare at me. That's all I do. I get drunk and I just stare at me. I make love to my 55 inch screen. That's what I do. Good for you. I do that until about 2.30. Sometimes I'm going to bed like 2.33 in the morning and then I usually get up pretty early. But tomorrow is going to be 5.45. But here's the whole thing. If I got to get up at 10 a.m., I'll go to bed at 1.30. If I got to get up at 5.45, I'll go to bed at 3. See it screws me up.

4:10 Adam Totally.

4:10 Drew I don't want to, but it screws me up. You see what I'm saying?

4:13 Adam That's screwed up.

4:14 Drew I get a little anxiety about it. It's like, I wretch about it. Like, I don't want to get up. And it keeps me up for another. Ironically, it makes it worse. It's like playing with something and getting it infected. You know, it's like scratching. You know, it's like you got to cut and it's bad enough, but you've got a monkey with it. Now it's infected. Now it's worse. That's what is vicious cycle, Dr. Ben.

4:38 Adam Thanks for making it medical. Thank you. I appreciate that analogy.

4:41 Drew See how I turned that?

4:42 Adam Yes.

4:42 Drew Dr. Ben is a gynecologist. He is he is tired of boon tang. He he if he never sees another tired out another vagina, as long as he lives, he'll be happy. He has he has he just a baby girl.

4:56 Adam Yeah, she's four months old.

4:57 Drew Keeping you up all night.

4:58 Adam Oh, my God. But I love her for it.

5:00 Drew Yeah. I know this sounds like horrible parenting, but do you have to get up like people are doing all the time, like I understand you have to feed the child. But when the baby's just crying away, do you have to get up? And if you do get up each and every time, is it is it set a dangerous precedent? And does the kid just sort of blow itself out and fall asleep anyway? And thirdly, what do they remember? You know, they're seven weeks old. What are they going to do? Kill themselves at 15 because you didn't get up at 430 in the morning?

5:30 Adam God only knows. You know what?

5:31 Drew Cry it out.

5:31 Adam If my name was Dr. Spock instead of Dr. Ben, I might be able to answer that question. But all I can tell you is that I'm lucky enough to have a little girl that cries when she's hungry. So the guesswork comes out of it. She cries.

5:43 Drew You get up.

5:43 Adam Yeah, it's easy.

5:44 Drew Off comes your blouse.

5:47 Adam Basically.

5:48 Drew And it's suckling time. Oh, yeah. Dr. Ben, a gynecologist, has practiced all around the world, which I find interesting. I never saw this. I just saw it at the mine. You did some work in Costa Rica.

5:59 Adam Yeah, that was good times. That was great.

6:04 Drew The traveling doctor thing sounds good, but the traveling gynecologist thing has a sort of edge to it that I'm not sure. I can understand there's certain Scandinavian countries I wouldn't mind going to and bringing the Hymen split or whatever you guys travel with. I don't know what it is, the dilator, the rib spreader, the speculum, whatever it is. But Costa Rica, Jamaica, and Israel, which are the three places he's done his practicing, will be toward the bottom of my list.

6:35 Adam Right. Yeah, I can imagine you'd be looking forward to that triad.

6:38 Drew Haiti might be on there. There's a few. I imagine Jamaica probably pushed through on Costa Rica. These are tough countries to work the gynecology trade in. Why these countries?

6:49 Adam Well interestingly enough, it was, Costa Rica was, there was an established program through UCLA's medical school, so that one was easy, plus I wanted to just kind of nail my Spanish down a little bit more, so that was an easy one. Jamaica was...

7:03 Drew How long in Costa Rica?

7:04 Adam Costa Rica was actually only about three months.

7:07 Drew Three months. And how many women would you, I mean, you got them going through, right, I mean you're looking at a lot.

7:14 Adam Well, at that time, I wasn't...

7:15 Drew You lined them up. And what is the average vagina? I mean, just the crease part, is it four, four and a half inches? Somewhere, I'm showing my hands, I'm showing you four and a half inches right here.

7:27 What do you think? You know, Adam, I'm not sure.

7:29 Adam I actually took statistical analysis of these things.

7:32 Drew Close your eyes. You know what I'm saying? Three would make a foot. How many miles did you look at in Costa Rica?

7:38 Adam Oh my God.

7:39 Drew Thousands of lineal feet?

7:40 Adam I'm not sure. A lot though, right?

7:43 Drew Costa Rica, how was...

7:44 Adam I brought the wrong notebook today, apparently.

7:46 Drew How did the Costa Rican vagina stack up to the Israel vagina stack up to the Jamaican vagina? Big differences?

7:55 Adam I'd say it's one world. Really?

7:58 Drew One world? Interesting. Interesting. No sets of problems from region to region?

8:04 Adam You see a little bit more of something, see a little bit less somewhere else, but I'd say in general, you run into pretty much the same things all over the place.

8:11 Drew How is Israel doing? Were you scared over there?

8:14 Adam No, you know, at the time that I went, things certainly weren't like what they are, you know, more recently. So it was mostly about the medicine. It wasn't really all about, you know, going around the Gaza Strip and taking names.

8:27 Drew How is Israel? Is it good? It's one, you know, people always try to, you know, people, you know, you got to go.

8:32 Adam I have to tell you, you got to go.

8:33 Drew Really?

8:33 Adam Doesn't matter what your background is. You should go once before you kick off.

8:37 Drew What am I missing? Here's my problem with Israel. People overcompensate. They push a little too hard like you're doing right now. No, you got to go. You got to go.

8:45 Adam Well, let me tell you.

8:46 Drew Can I tell you why? No, you should go. And I started thinking to myself, I know you're pushing too hard because people don't do this with Hawaii.

8:52 Adam You shouldn't go. I can only tell you. I can only tell you.

8:55 Drew No way are you going to stop me from going to Israel.

8:57 Adam I can only tell you that.

8:58 Drew Forget New York tomorrow. I'm going to Israel.

9:00 Adam All right.

9:01 Drew Go ahead.

9:01 Adam It's just not that much further. You just got to keep going.

9:03 Drew Keep going? You said further?

9:04 Adam Yeah, a little further.

9:05 Drew All right. What is good about Israel?

9:07 Adam It's just, you know, I guess if you just want to look at it from a purely spiritual kind of a thing, if you want to walk where Jesus walked, if you want to, you know, look at places that are so holy to, you know, the world's major religions, right, even if you don't believe in any of it. And I don't, I don't know. I look at all the people is nut jobs, like crazy, it still makes you think twice when you walk around places where people, you know, just have a belief in them. And this is the place that they go, just there's something very spiritual about it. And even if you don't, you're not buying into it, it's an incredible experience.

9:40 Drew No, I believe they believe it.

9:42 Adam Exactly.

9:43 Drew And God bless them. It's just I would like the religious fanaticism to start being looked at as a mental disorder, which it clearly is, and people should stop respecting it and start looking at it as, you know, the same guy who thinks he's talking to Jesus Christ. Why isn't he as crazy as the guy thinks he's Napoleon? That's all I'm saying. It's a mental disorder. And it's something that all human beings have. It's built into all human beings. And as soon as you see one guy die, you got to cook up a religion. That's all. All right. I know. No one wants everyone.

10:14 Adam Sorry.

10:14 Drew It's all it's all fantastic. It's all this. Everyone, they can all just kill each other for another thousand years. And by the way, the Middle East, they'll have that settled by this weekend.

10:23 Adam Sure.

10:23 Drew No problem. No problems over there. Listen, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Israel, they're the same ones over there, but they're still stupid for staying. They should just go. They should go to Baja. That's my plan.

10:34 Adam Should all go to Baja.

10:38 Drew Oh, the Jews could get Mexico on its feet in a number of weeks. Just head on out. It really would work. Let's get the Jews out of there. Let the Arabs just take over the whole place. They just end up killing themselves. Once they don't have the Jews to blow up anymore, they'll just start blowing each other up. It's in their blood. They like going at it. They're eager for the fray. That's all. They want to fight.

10:59 Adam You know what? Me and you, tomorrow we got to buy six million plane tickets for all those Jews to go to Baja.

11:04 Drew I'll put them on a barge. We'll go around the horn and we'll get them right over to Baja and set up their settlements there. They get Mexico's economy back on its feet, stop the illegal trafficking of the drugs and the humans, the coyotes bringing the Mexicans over the border here. It's all going to take care of itself. People will be fleeing Los Angeles to get into Mexico after a couple of months of the Jews over there getting things on its feet. You know what I'm saying?

11:31 Adam What do we do? Anything about John Kerry and Bush? Where is the Corolla for President banner? I want that on my lawn.

11:36 Drew The barge of Jews going to Mexico, making a pilgrimage to Mexico.

11:41 Adam These are groundbreaking ideas.

11:42 Drew I'll tell you, speaking of groundbreaking, I've done a little work too. The problem that Jews have is the soil in Baja is not holy land. But I've discovered that holy soil only goes about six to eight inches. So we just got to scrape off the top layer of Israel and we'll put that on a barge right behind the Jews. There's your holy, there, get busy. There you go, Izzy.

12:03 Adam It's so perfect and so easy. I should have thought of it myself.

12:06 Drew Izzy, have a churro. There you go.

12:10 Adam Izzy's good.

12:11 Drew Yeah, that's my Jewish name.

12:12 Adam I like it.

12:14 Drew Beth? You're 22?

12:17 Caller Yes, I am.

12:18 Drew What's up?

12:19 Caller Oh, I'm on. Longtime listener, guys.

12:23 Drew Thank you. And what we're doing tonight is we're spinning it a little toward gynecology because that is Dr. Ben's field of expertise.

12:33 Caller Okay, great.

12:34 Drew Not that you have to have one of those questions and not that he doesn't know more than that. But if you have a gynecological question, tonight is the night to ask it.

12:45 Adam Or a question about Costa Rica. We'll take all comments. That's right. Beth, you're on.

12:53 Caller I've been able to have vaginal orgasms since a very early age. Like three or four years old, I've been able to have them.

13:03 Drew We hear that once in a while. It's kind of... I don't know what to call it. It feels weird to call it an orgasm in a three-year-old, but it feels creepy. But on the other hand, what you're saying is you would stimulate yourself and it felt good.

13:20 Caller Right.

13:20 Drew But, did it really feel the same as an orgasm that you have now at 22?

13:25 Caller Exactly the same, yeah.

13:27 Drew Really? And you would do this to yourself or you had some weird uncle?

13:32 Caller No, just me.

13:34 Drew Well, that's you.

13:36 Caller And it runs in my family, apparently.

13:38 Drew How do you know?

13:40 Adam Yeah, exactly. What is that dinner conversation like, Beth?

13:43 Drew Yeah, did your mom... Did you talk to your mom about this?

13:45 Caller No, my cousin. She's about my age.

13:50 Drew All right. So what's the question?

13:52 Adam Yeah.

13:53 Caller I was just wondering if it was normal, because most of my friends cannot relate to that.

13:57 Drew No. Well, look. Do the math. Most of your friends can't relate to it, right?

14:01 Caller Uh-huh.

14:02 Drew So it's a little abnormal, but it's like being abnormal, like, well, I got green eyes and black hair and I'm six foot three. It's that kind of abnormal. Well, it's good abnormal. Yeah, it's not bad abnormal. You're head of the game. I don't know what percentage of 22-year-old girls can have vaginal orgasm, according to a little data I've collected on my travels, zero, little less than zero. But I would probably say from doing this show at 22, now it's a little different at 37, but at 22 vaginal orgasms, somewhere in the like 15 to 18 percent range.

14:40 Adam It's probably less than half.

14:42 Drew Well, according to doing this show, it is way less than half. Now, it might be somewhere around half with the oral sex.

14:51 Adam Right. You're splitting it between, let's say, clitoral orgasm and vaginal orgasm. So yeah, I would definitely say she's in the minority.

14:59 Drew What percentage of women have their hymen broken? Will your hymen stay with you in some shape or form if it's never penetrated or will eventually sort of slough off?

15:14 Adam Well, I can tell you that it's somewhat rare to get what's called an imperforate hymen. So I think when people kind of think of their cherry bearing broken or that traditional thought of what a hymen would be like, that's a fairly unusual situation. And most women's hymen is actually open. It's not containing, let's say, a thin film. Think about it this way, Adam. You know, in the beginning of football games when the football team runs through the paper. That is a very, very unusual situation.

15:51 Drew When people say cherry broken, they picture like almost a little balloon filled with blood.

15:55 Adam That's an extremely rare situation.

15:58 Drew But what you do normally see is some remnant of it or some part of it.

16:04 Adam Everybody's got a remnant of it. So that part is true.

16:07 Drew And once it gets pierced and once a woman, you know, gets into her sexual or whatever and she's in her thirties, is there any remnants of the hymen in there?

16:15 Adam There's a little ridge.

16:16 Drew There's a ridge where it was.

16:17 Adam Yes. In fact, that's what we use.

16:18 Drew The skin will sort of slough off.

16:20 Adam Well, you can always see it. You can still always see it. And in fact, that's what we use gynecologically to differentiate between the outside and the inside.

16:27 Drew Oh, really?

16:28 Adam Yeah. The hymen is the geographical division. That's the line, if you will, between the outside world and the inside world.

16:35 Drew Right. So you're looking at a vagina and that ring, even though the hymen is gone, but you can see, you can see the curb almost where it used to be.

16:44 Adam Road bump, if you will, something like that. You see it. Yes.

16:48 Drew And that goes, it goes, makes full circle. And there used to be, it used to be like a little trampoline in there, right?

16:53 Adam Uh, you know, developmentally and, um, you know, as far as embryologically, absolutely. Yes.

16:59 Drew Good.

16:59 Adam If you go back far enough, yes, but by the time that, by the time women are born, overwhelmingly, that's gone.

17:06 Drew Oh, really?

17:06 Adam Yes. It's more an embryological remnant than an actual remnant of, let's say, their preteens.

17:11 Drew So your, your average, we're spending a little time on this.

17:14 Adam Yeah, this is fascinating.

17:16 Drew I am interested in this and I think our listeners are too because there's this sort of, first off, a lot of idiot guys call the show and say, you know, her hymen wasn't there. She said she was a virgin. I don't believe her. You know, she didn't bleed. You know, that kind of stuff. We got a lot of that.

17:33 Adam So you can imagine why.

17:34 Drew So the thing about it is, is, is, okay, so you're born or in, in the, in, before you're born, you have a hymen.

17:43 Adam Absolutely.

17:44 Drew And, and that hymen is a, is a membrane, correct, that essentially is, you know, like when you buy vitamins, you unscrew the cap, take it off, and then there's that foil, you can jam in it with the spoon handle like a maniac.

17:55 Adam Correct.

17:55 Drew By the way, do we need, do we need all that? Like, I'd be like a retard, like stabbing things and grabbing and, okay, okay. You know, let me say this too about packaging for a second. Everyone wants to be so safe with the packaging. Like, hey, we got to triple seal this because people can get contaminated. I bet you more people stab themselves every year trying to get the goddamn package open because you guys have hermetically sealed every goddamn thing that's in the store. I'm going at it with like scissors and butcher knives and stuff. I start getting angry and I start swinging it around and like stabbing at it. You know, you buy like a stapler and it comes in that plastic that gets stuck in on both sides. You start trying to peel it apart, but you can't do it. So you take a knife and you start sawing it. I bet thousands of people go to the emergency room each year trying to get crap open.

18:42 Adam But plus when you actually go at it and you open it up, the edges are so sharp, you can kill yourself.

18:50 Drew They got a shoe! That's all I'm saying! This is, and we're going to get back to the hymen, but this is what this country has become. Everything is so sealed. Everything is so purified for our safety. We can't get at it. We end up doing more damage trying to get to it than we would have. So I swear to Christ, I'm like a chimp, like a cray. I mean, you know what I am? I'm like a crazed gorilla with some like the Samsonite luggage going at those things. I start tugging at them. Yes, you cut them open. Then you put, you start wrestling. It becomes like, who's better? You are the package. I'm going to show this package who's boss. You start yelling at it. You're struggling. It's very visceral. Right. And a hair on your neck, standing up, adrenaline is pumping. I get a little semi-racked.

19:40 Adam You had me like 90% there, then you lost me.

19:43 Drew I'm sorry.

19:44 I always go too far.

19:46 Drew I didn't say full blown erection, but not flaccid. Don't kid yourself. But the point is, I have to wrestle. Does everything have to be child proof? Do I have to wrestle to get everything open? And all the aspirin can taste. You start squeezing stuff and you have to go to the cough medicine, like your third lap. You know what I want? I'll tell you what I want. I want a store called the Adult Store. And here's the deal. We sell stuff that is not sealed up very well at all. Our aspirin, it pops right open. You want to get the cough medicine open, you don't have to squeeze the thing and turn the thing counterclockwise and then click it into position. You don't have to crack it like a safe. I'm seeing it. We sell lighters. You can just go ahead and light them. You don't have to hold the thing. Hey, Larry, come here and hold the side of the lighter. Take story hands and get the goddamn thing lit. None of that. None of it. It's called the adult store. And here's the thing. I post a sign out front that says, look, when you enter this store, we absolve ourselves of all liability. If you buy a lighter that doesn't have three forms of safety catches on it and your retarded goddamn kid burns down your trailer, you can't sue us. And we sell aspirin that you can actually get to. Our staplers, they're loose. We sell them loose. We sell them in bulk, but we pass along. That's the point. And adults get to go in like human beings and like buy stuff that doesn't take a degree. You don't have to get out a roto hammer to get the goddamn lid off of everything. How about the adult store?

21:18 Adam Right. That is number 261 on the Adam Carolla Promises as a candidate for president.

21:24 Drew That's right.

21:25 Adam That should be on the platform and I'll vote for you.

21:27 Drew Yes. Come on in adults. Hey, come on in kids. Whatever you enter. We can't take it. If you're under 12, you can't come in here. But hey, you know, it's like trying to light a lighter and it's like on my third try and someone say, you got to push the thing in. And it's like because some retard in Kentucky burned his trailer down. I got to fight this lighter every time. Really? That's what we want our society to be like. We had what it's come to.

21:50 Adam I'll tell you what I can tell me.

21:52 Drew Go.

21:52 Adam We had a barbecue at our house.

21:54 Drew Yes.

21:54 Adam We, you know, the truth, we didn't have any matches. Somebody had a lighter and I could not get the thing going. I felt like an idiot.

22:02 Drew I know.

22:03 Adam It takes like three hands, like you said. It was so frustrating.

22:05 Drew And it erodes the self-esteem of an adult when it says, this is childproof. And it's like, I'm 39. I can't get the goddamn thing open.

22:14 Like it's not childproof.

22:15 Drew It's people proof. All right. The adult store.

22:18 Adam With you.

22:18 Drew Come on in.

22:19 Adam With you.

22:19 Drew Here's your staplers. Go ahead. Go ahead. Buy them loose.

22:22 Adam Take it.

22:22 Drew Buy a sack of staplers. Yes. All right. Where are we? I'm winded. Okay. I'm winded too. I'm fired up though. Dr. Ben is here tonight. Gynecologist. Yeah.

22:32 Adam What?

22:33 Drew Do we take half a call?

22:34 Yeah.

22:34 Adam I mean, jeez, we're almost done.

22:36 Drew Well, you're long winded, brother.

22:37 Adam I can go home now.

22:38 Drew Drew doesn't talk.

22:39 Are we done?

22:40 Drew You never shut up. You're like an auctioneer with a speculum. Now, let me just ask you one more thing about the Hymen. So, the Hymen is, you got to be going on the staplers, but we'll go to break, relax, relax. Don't worry. You're not going anywhere. The Hymen is, when the child is in the uterus, the Hymen is formed. That's when it's formed. And then they come out, but they're not usually fully formed when they come out. Or are they?

23:08 Adam Yeah, they're just kind of eaten away from starting from the middle and then going towards the side. And then the sides, the stuff that we're actually seeing is just what's left over.

23:16 Drew So your average 15 year old who is a virgin average would have about what in there?

23:22 Adam When you say have about what in there?

23:24 Drew Well, I mean, how much what percentage of the hymen is intact?

23:28 Adam That's a tough one. I would say for like 95 plus percent, it would be the same ridge that you're thinking about. The only the only difference is and this is where I think some of these questions might come from is that the ridge is all connected. Usually after intercourse, the ridge is somewhat perforated on the sides. The ridge still exists. It's just that it's not all connected.

23:55 Drew Interesting. Interesting. So it's that's that's really more the way that's more what we get intercourse.

24:02 Adam It may not necessarily cause bleeding, but it usually causes some kind of pain. And I think that's where most people get that whole idea.

24:08 Drew So it's almost the band that is the base of the hymen or the ridge of the hymen gets gets broken up.

24:14 Adam Yes. All right.

24:15 Let's take ourselves a little break.

24:17 Drew Very solid. Dr. Ben filling in tonight for Dr. Drew. Dr. Ben, gynecologist, LGDYN. He'll tell you everything you need to know about your parts down there. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

24:36 Loveline is brought to you by Harold and Kamar. Go to White Castle in theaters this Friday, July 23rd for a special advance sneak preview.

25:03 Drew Dr. Ben, filling in for Dr. Drew. Actually, I don't know if I can do that. We're just talking off the air about how anything ever gets done around here, which is like if we move or get a security guard or do almost anything, which is I ask for a year and then eventually after a year, I just I set a date where I won't come in to work unless whatever happens. And then they always do it. And that's how it always works. Dr. Ben said, that's nice that you can do that. I'm saying I'm not sure if I can. But I have a bunch of jobs, so I don't really care if I get fired. That's what you got to have.

25:36 Adam That's you know what? That's also a good thing.

25:38 Drew Yeah.

25:38 Adam So that's either way you win.

25:40 Drew Got to have what it's called the FU money, kids. You see, you got to have a little FU money in the bank. So you know what I'm saying? I got more money in the bank, more people get to tell to F off. There you go. Dr. Ben is an OBGYN. He is a gynecologist and also just do you do any other kind of medicine? Not that you have to, but you ever work in an emergency room or something like that?

26:05 Adam Well, I mean, anything that essentially can happen with gynecologic organs, you end up seeing first. So whether it's ovarian cancer, whether it's menopause, whether it's adolescents seeking birth control or talking about sexually transmitted diseases, whether it's somebody with a high risk pregnancy, diabetes and pregnancy, seizures. I mean, you end up taking care of anybody who's got issues with their gynecologic organs.

26:29 Drew Have you ever seen any dudes?

26:31 Adam No. But you know what? There are transsexuals who go to gynecologists. I just never taken care of one.

26:37 Drew Smart. Yeah.

26:39 Adam So, but it is possible.

26:40 Drew When you get that call like, Dr. Ben, my name's Sal.

26:43 Caller I'd like to come in for a pap smear.

26:46 Adam Never.

26:46 Drew Yeah, we're closed on Wednesdays.

26:51 Adam It would make, I'll tell you this much, it would make for an interesting, let's say waiting room. So that would be very interesting. But you know what, there are people, I'm sure, who do that practice. Yeah. I'm sure it's out there.

27:01 Drew Let me tell you, I got no problem with those guys charging just a little bit extra. But by the same token, you know, Jessica Simpson slides in and she's got a concert in town and she needs a quick, needs to throw up on the rack real quick. That's a freebie.

27:18 Adam On the rack.

27:19 Drew Pass it along. That's all I'm saying. If you're going to charge a little more for this one, you got to charge a little less for that one.

27:24 Adam You know, women think of going to a gynecologist is torture enough. And now you're referring to, you know, an exam table as a rack.

27:31 Drew Yeah. Well, I don't know what they do. An exam table.

27:33 Adam I'm so happy about going to my job. That would make me the executioner. I mean, what would I be? The torture guy?

27:40 Drew If it's the rack, yeah, you'd be the guy with the leather hood.

27:44 Adam Perfect. That's why I went to medical school.

27:46 By the way, that wouldn't be a bad idea.

27:51 Drew Like, I think a lot of women, young women, are nervous about going to the gynecologist. And it's strange for them. And I think a lot of women either want a woman or want a wacky nationality that they cannot connect with in any way.

28:07 Adam I'm that wacky nationality.

28:11 Drew You're close to it, but not really enough. Your eyes are a little too round. It's not going to work. That's why you need the hood.

28:18 Adam Oh, boy.

28:19 Drew Just the leather hood. It's anonymous. You don't know if it's your gym coach or Charles Manson in there. The point is, is no real eye contact. It's a totally anonymous experience. Business in business. Do you know what I'm saying?

28:32 I should.

28:33 Drew How about the gynecological hood?

28:35 Right.

28:36 Adam Or I should just do it over the radio like I am today. That's completely faceless and completely impersonal.

28:40 Drew Obviously, you got to get in there. They got to get up on the stirrups. You got to get your hands dirty. I'm just saying, looking them in the eyes a little uncomfortable. You put the hood on. They do that to horses when horses have to travel. They take animals and they try to capture them in a while. They put an alligator, they put a pillowcase on its head so it doesn't get spooked. You know what I'm saying? I'm saying put the hood on.

29:02 Adam Right.

29:02 Drew It's just for the young girls, just so they're not freaked out. You pop up with the hood. I think the Klansman is going down on them.

29:09 Adam That's good for business, Adam. Thank you. You want to be my office manager?

29:12 Come into the office tomorrow.

29:14 Drew Here's all I want to know. You got someone who's nervous. Okay, they're coming in there for the first time. The panties are off. They're up on the stirrups. You're doing a little pap smear. Where are you looking? You're looking at the vagina. You're looking them in the eye. It's a little creepy. Sometimes people can type and they look at you when they type. It always gets a little creepy because it takes me like 10 minutes to find the Y on the keyboard. But they're like, and they're looking at you and I'm getting a little free. It'd be weird if someone's working on my vagina and looking at me. Do you look at them?

29:47 Caller Do you look at the vagina?

29:48 Drew Let me ask you this.

29:49 Adam When you change your oil, I mean, do you look at the hood or do you look at what you're doing? You just look at what you're doing.

29:56 Caller You look at what you're doing.

29:57 Adam You always look at what you're doing.

29:58 Drew Yeah, but there's a human being there who might be a little nervous.

30:00 Adam Sure. So you talk to them first. I mean, listen.

30:02 Drew But you're down. You're looking down. It's weird. It's creepy if you're looking them in the eyes and your hands are down.

30:07 Adam Let's put it this way, Adam. When you first meet a patient, I mean, I don't know what everybody else does, but when they first come into the office, especially, you know, their first time around, it's always with their clothes on in my office taking history.

30:21 Drew You're talking.

30:21 Adam Just talking. So, you know, at least it's not.

30:24 Drew You have fat hands, by the way. I mean, big hands. Let me see those. Let's see those mitts. They're not long, but they're wide. Yeah, that's no good. Yeah, they're not slick. They're not waif-like.

30:36 Adam You should be a gynecologist.

30:38 Drew I really should, because my hand cheats the wind, long and graceful. So you look down at where you're working.

30:46 Adam You always look where you're working.

30:47 Drew And if you got someone who's a little nervous, what do you tell them? First time.

30:51 Adam Well, you talk to them long enough and you explain what you're going to do enough where they know exactly what's coming. You never sneak up on anybody. Everybody knows exactly what's going on. So as long as they know what's going on, usually they're not scared.

31:02 Drew OK, how long how long does a Papsmear take?

31:05 Adam I mean, if you're talking about just doing it, just like if you get if you cut to the chase and just do it, it's a minute and a half. Yeah, if that.

31:13 Drew What about my venereal sniffing dogs? Do you remember?

31:16 Adam We talked about that. I think it was more HPV, though. We think they could have done both HPV or STDs.

31:22 Drew Yeah.

31:23 Adam Yeah.

31:23 Drew You in line with that?

31:24 Adam I'm waiting for the first test dog to come out. I'm working on it.

31:28 Drew Robert, I got to work on my attack crows. That's why I got some other ideas.

31:32 Adam I want to hear about them. Maybe we should take a call.

31:34 Drew Robert? What's happening? You're 16. You got to Germany or Florida? Yeah, I do. All right. Go ahead. Hold on. By the way, let me just tell Dr. Ben.

31:46 Adam What is that?

31:47 Drew Germany or Florida. All bizarre stories emanate from either Germany or Florida. Whenever you hear some crazy, ghoulish, macabre story or some bizarre thing, it's mostly out of Florida. By the way, almost everything is out of Florida in this country. Whenever you hear something weird, it's always Florida. And then abroad, it's almost always Germany.

32:05 Adam OK.

32:05 Drew So, you tell us the bizarre story, we tell you. Is it Germany or Florida? You see what I'm saying? We make the call.

32:13 Adam Can we bet on it?

32:14 Drew We can bet.

32:14 Caller OK.

32:15 Drew Go ahead, Robert.

32:17 Caller Before I start, can I tell you that my radio station stopped airing Loveline because Jeremy Piven dropped the S-bomb?

32:27 Drew Yeah, Jeremy. Yeah, Anderson, I'm not sure if anyone made you aware of this, Anderson, Engineer Anderson. You were out of town, I believe.

32:39 Caller Yeah, I know all about it.

32:41 Drew Jeremy Piven was on this show and, oh, he's been about a thousand movies, you know him, if you saw him. And he yelled, F-face. I mean, he didn't say the F. Right. He said the whole word.

32:55 Adam Really, yeah.

32:56 Drew Yeah, F-face, he yelled. And it was good. I like it. You laughed. It was funny. Yeah, it was funny. We have an 18-second delay. And, of course, soon as Piven yelled the F-face, Drew and I, you know, leaned into the mic and said, listen, Engineer Ken, you may want to grab that one. And evidently, he didn't.

33:15 Adam He didn't.

33:16 Drew Yeah. So it got out.

33:19 Adam Who gets fined under those circumstances?

33:21 Drew I have no I don't. I have no idea. All I know is that, you know, people have been fired for much less than F-face. So the point is, is Robert's calling from Tennessee. So they didn't they didn't get the they didn't drop the F-face and it got out over the air. And so then he station dropped the show. Is that what happened, Robert?

33:46 Caller I didn't hear you. Oh, they just won't play it anymore where they're playing music now where Loveline is.

33:55 Adam This kind of music.

33:56 Drew Well, here's the thing, everybody. I don't care. We got plenty of stations. I have no idea how many exactly. I don't know where they are. And I don't know when they're picked up. And I don't know when they're dropped.

34:06 Adam That's the F-u money talking now.

34:08 Drew There you go. F all you. There you go. That's right. And let me explain something. Don't think we have discussions about any of this stuff. It's not like someone and runs in and goes, we got dropped from our Tennessee affiliate. It's the first I've heard of it, by the way. How long has it been off, Robert?

34:25 Caller Probably about a couple days now.

34:26 Drew Couple days. All right. Well, I'm devastated, but now I'm over it. So what, what now? How do you hear the show?

34:34 Caller I have to get on the Internet and I'm streaming it in from San Diego.

34:39 Drew Oh, all right.

34:40 Caller 91X.

34:41 Drew 91X. There's a hell of a radio station. And we've been on that one since day one. So go ahead. Germany or Florida, Robert? And thank you for going through all the hard work to find the show.

34:53 Caller A supermarket checkout worker stashed the day's taking into her shoes and hit herself over the head, pretending she'd been held up and attacked by a robber police said on Thursday. The 26 year old woman told police she was alone in the store when a masked man forced her at gunpoint to fill his pockets and several bags of money from the shop's cash box before knocking her unconscious with a blow to the head. Police became suspicious after medical examinations revealed the woman's head injury didn't match up to her description of the attack. The woman then confessed that she had hit herself on the head with a blunt object and stolen the money to pay off debt.

35:31 Drew And it was her own shoe she hit herself on the head with?

35:34 Caller Yeah, just a blunt object.

35:36 Drew Oh, okay. There's nothing about a shoe. I don't know where I weave that in. All right. Now, here's the thing. Everything, everything, this feels very white trashy and everything white trash feels Florida.

35:48 Caller It could be Germany, too.

35:50 Drew This, yeah, well, see, now there you go. This is sort of diabolical. It's almost too smart for Florida.

35:58 Adam I'll go, I'll tell you why I'll go with Germany.

35:59 Drew Why are you going with Germany?

36:00 Adam I think in this country, there are cameras everywhere. I think nobody trusts employees or I think this is more likely to go over in Europe. So I'm going to go to Germany. Because they would have just pulled up the tape, seen that she was full of it, and then you're right. They would have called her on it.

36:12 Drew There couldn't be a convenience store or supermarket.

36:14 Adam Everything has got cameras. Everything's got a camera. Very astute.

36:17 Caller This is Germany.

36:18 Drew This is Germany. God love you. Robert?

36:21 Caller Yeah.

36:22 Drew We're going Germany because of Dr. Ben's camera theory.

36:26 Caller All right. Well, he's smart because it's Germany. Yeah.

36:30 Adam Met school, baby.

36:31 Drew Very smart.

36:32 Adam Met school.

36:33 Drew That's right.

36:33 Caller I had to edit a whole lot of things out before I read it.

36:37 Drew Because once in a while, though, last night, somebody used, you know, washed up on a sandbar and things like that.

36:46 Adam Come on.

36:46 Drew Come on.

36:47 Caller Yeah.

36:48 Drew You see what I'm saying?

36:48 Adam Sandbar.

36:49 Drew Right. All right. Let's take ourselves another call here. What do you like here, Dr. Ben?

36:56 Adam I like that. Where's that Band-Aid at?

36:58 Drew I'm sorry, buddy. I'm sorry.

37:00 Adam Let's take some of the UI and stuff.

37:03 Drew You're 19. What's up?

37:06 Caller My mom read an article in a magazine that said that birth control was not as effective in women over 150 pounds. I was wondering if you'd heard anything about that.

37:20 Drew Well, it's actually more effective because guys don't want to get with them. So it actually slows it down a little bit. Yes, Dr. Ben?

37:30 Adam I would say that there is something to that. 150 pounds is a little on the light side. There are several things that I read about 85 kilos being kicked around. When you convert that to pounds, that's closer to 180, 190 pounds. But it's not a huge swing. You know, I mean, if birth control pills are 99 percent effective overall, we're talking in that population, they are around 98 percent effective. So it's just there is a difference barely measurable. It's yeah, there is a difference. There is something to what she said.

38:05 Drew And there is something interesting in general, which is our society is getting so goddamn fat. I mean, all the kids, I mean, kids are huge, they're behemoths now. And women, men as well, the things that used to be considered doses for, you know, I mean, you know, one beer will screw up 110 pound chick. But if the guy's 300 pounds, one beer is nothing. You know what I mean? And I know this is not quite the same, but I'm just wondering if we're going to need to start ratcheting up our doses for almost everything.

38:33 Adam Well, the other thing about, you know, what we're talking about with Elizabeth is also that the trend in birth control pills and the trend in general with hormonal contraception has been to go lower and lower and lower doses because we're trying to give the same effect as far as not getting pregnant and give less side effects by decreasing the amount of medication. So the trend is going in the opposite direction than the weight.

38:55 Drew Right. So do you think that soon, if you had a patient come in and she was over 200 pounds and wanted to get on the pill, would you advise her to take?

39:06 Adam Yes.

39:07 Drew Now, how do you do it? Do you start breaking them in half?

39:09 Adam No, you just prescribe her a higher dose pill. There are over 100 different types of birth control pills out there. You can certainly find, you would stay away from the lower dose ones. That's basically the point. Right.

39:19 Drew So you go higher dose. All right. And by the same token, you get a little Asian broad in there going to 98 pounds, she goes low dose.

39:25 Adam That's correct.

39:26 Drew Smart. Very smart. Dr. Ben is here tonight. He's a friend of the show and filling in his Dr. Drew, as he's known to do from time to time. So anything about that part of the body is tonight's a good time to ask it. We'll take a quick break. Yeah. Chasing a nickel in New York City, everybody. And actually, I'll be leaving in about seven hours.

39:51 Chasing a nickel.

39:52 Drew No, I'm forced to go to New York. I don't want to go. That's the whole thing about me. I don't want to go anywhere. I like to stay here. Be easier. I love helping the kids.

40:01 Adam That's why you're here during the show?

40:02 Drew That's why I'm here. Because I'm here. I don't need to be here. I got a few money up the wazoo. Do you think I need to be here?

40:06 Adam Ten o'clock, eleven o'clock at night? What are you doing here?

40:09 Drew I don't need to be here. You know why I'm here? Because I love the kids and I love the sound of my own voice.

40:13 Caller And there's nothing good on TVO.

40:16 Drew And my baby will be full, her belly will be pregnant. She'll be like at nine months when I get back and I'll be watching everything on TVO. Alright, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. It's Adam.

40:33 Caller And I'm Dr. Drew.

40:34 Drew Here to talk about Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

40:37 Caller Yes, sir.

40:38 Drew You spray that on, you give stink the Axe. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Ben. Dr. Ben filling in for Dr. Drew. Doing a wonderful job, as per usual. Who knows what goes on in the old vagina, the old vagina, the old vagina.

41:10 Caller Who sang this?

41:11 Drew That's me.

41:11 Caller That's you?

41:12 Drew I'm singing the old vagina song.

41:13 Adam It sounded like Homer Simpson.

41:14 Drew Who knows what goes on in the old vagina, the old vagina, the old vagina.

41:21 Caller You're laughing through it.

41:22 Drew I don't know why.

41:23 Adam It's a good ad-lib.

41:24 Drew It cracks me up. Yeah, yeah, that's genius.

41:28 Adam I can see why this show is on at 11 o'clock at night.

41:31 Drew That's why I get the big bucks. That and Jeremy Piven likes to yell F face every once in a while. Well, people are pretty freaked out in today's climate. You know, FCC coming down and cracking the whip and all. And of course, you know, we don't have any real problems in this country. So we got to focus on things like boobs and the F word. Very important. Emily. You're 19?

41:58 Caller Yeah. Is the gynecologist there?

42:00 Drew Yes, he is.

42:03 Caller I took the Depo Provera birth control shot probably like two and a half months ago. And almost immediately it made me like impossible to lubricate. And that was like really, really, really bad, obviously. So I was wondering, you know, like I'm due to get another shot in about two weeks and it's kind of gotten a little bit better, but I'm still, I never got back to normal. You know, it used to be like really, really, like not a problem ever. And so I was wondering if there was another kind of birth control method like maybe the ring or something, but not pills. That wouldn't do that to me.

42:45 Adam Okay. So basically, Emily, you're on, the difference between birth control pills, the ring, the patch and depo is that depo contains only one hormone. It contains progesterone. Right. Whereas all the other kind of the other hormonal methods of contraception, which we mentioned, contain both estrogen and progesterone. When you get dry, it's because the vagina does not get enough estrogen.

43:14 Drew Why does the depo shot just have the one hormone in it, not estrogen?

43:20 Adam Because...

43:21 Drew You said that was progesterone?

43:23 Adam Yeah, because the depo progesterone basically acts on the brain. To fool the brain, it does that well enough on its own to fool the brain into thinking that Emily is essentially pregnant. That's how all birth control pills work. The hormones that the ovaries make are essentially given in high doses. The body can't tell where those doses are coming from. The brain assumes that they're coming from the ovaries.

43:50 Drew Why does the brain talk to the mouth?

43:52 Adam Well, the brain basically talks to the bloodstream. And as soon as you get hormones into the bloodstream, the brain says, you know what, wherever this is coming from, the ovaries need to stop working, because I'm getting plenty of hormones into this bloodstream. So ovaries quit it. And that's basically how women don't get pregnant. Their ovaries aren't working. Exactly.

44:09 Drew You can't get pregnant again when you're pregnant.

44:11 Adam That's correct. So the ovaries are now not stimulated. Now, the problem with doing it with DepoProvera is that when there's no estrogenics, when the ovaries get shut down, that's the only other place where estrogen is going to come from. If it ain't coming from the injection, and it isn't, because progesterone is the only hormone that she's getting, you've got now zero estrogenic stimulation. So lubrication out the window. By the way, some women even get hot flashes on occasion on DepoProvera, just like when they go through menopause, they don't make any more estrogen, so no vaginal lubrication, some hot flashing on Depo.

44:43 Drew So what do you think of the ring?

44:44 Adam Well, the ring is great. Let me just ask Emily one thing. How did you get to DepoProvera? Obviously there's something about birth control pills that either didn't work for you, or you didn't want to try, or you tried and had a problem with it.

45:00 Caller I didn't want to bother. I'm not really good at taking pills the same time every day. I don't want to deal with it. So I was considering the NuvaRing, definitely, if that would help.

45:09 Adam So let me describe the NuvaRing for people who haven't heard about it. It's a relatively new birth control option now. NuvaRing, if you guys remember those kind of the bangle things that people used to wear on their arms, the little plastic black bands that people like Madonna bands.

45:26 Drew Black rubber bracelets.

45:28 Adam Okay, imagine a black rubber bracelet like that, about four inches in diameter, completely elastic. In the middle of that plastic, there are estrogen and progesterone hormones.

45:42 Drew So it's a hoop.

45:43 Adam It's a ring.

45:43 Drew It's four inches around. That's four inches.

45:46 Adam It's not very big. That's big. Well, here's my four inches.

45:50 Drew Oh, I see.

45:51 Adam Okay, so it's something like that.

45:52 Drew I like your four inches. That means my penis is five and a half.

45:58 Adam That's an inch and a quarter.

46:00 Drew Doctors with your metric crap, you lose touch.

46:02 Adam So let me tell you what's easy about the new ring and where you might go with this. First of all, it'll definitely help as far as the vaginal dryness. It contains estrogen and it goes right into the vagina. So immediately, the vagina gets stimulated with estrogen. Immediately, your lubrication is going to be where you're going to be more comfortable.

46:20 Drew How long are they good for?

46:21 Adam They're good for three weeks at a time. They're essentially, you know how in a birth control pill pack, most women, most birth control pill packs, when you open it up, you get three weeks of hormone pills, and then you get one week of placebo.

46:32 Caller You get the sugar pill.

46:34 Adam Exactly.

46:35 Drew So do you put it in yourself? One put in. Should you buy the rings in a set to buy a year's worth?

46:42 Adam You can buy a year's worth if your pharmacist will let you. But basically, they dispense one month at a time, much the way that, let's say, birth control pills are dispensed one month at a time through most insurance programs.

46:49 Drew Do you have to go to the pharmacy once a month to get a new ring?

46:53 Adam No, but most people go to the pharmacy once a month to get birth control pills. All right.

46:56 Drew But OK.

46:57 Adam So it's the same kind of thing.

46:58 Drew We've got to take a break. The guy can't trust you with six. What are you going to do, shove one up your ass or something?

47:02 Adam You know what? Insurance companies rarely dispense more than one month of medication at a time, and that's the deal.

47:07 Drew It's demand. Yeah. All right. We'll take ourselves a break. Dr. Ben, OGBYN, filling in for Dr. Drew, who's chasing nickel in New York. Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:20 Caller All right, guys. Here's the deal. Look in the hookup.

47:22 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:23 Caller Stick a waste in time with the wrong person.

47:25 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:26 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:27 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:28 Caller 1-877-889-DATE.

47:35 Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

47:41 Drew Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That is Dr. Ben. Dr. Ben, filling in for Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Ben, board certified, OG.

48:06 Adam In two more weeks when she's due for her depo injection, she should definitely...

48:10 Drew Ask for the Nuvo ring?

48:11 Adam Yeah, talk to them about either Nuvo ring. From what I understand from the reason that she got on depo is that she can't remember taking pills every day. She doesn't want to bother with it. So, she really doesn't have a whole bunch of options. Now, she's got one, which is the Nuvo ring. You put it in for three weeks at a time, you leave it in, you can even leave it in for intercourse. 90% of guys won't even know that it's there when they have sex.

48:32 Drew I don't go that deep.

48:32 Adam And then, the other option that she has is...

48:35 Drew What do you do? Do you split the Nuvo? You go right between the Nuvo ring?

48:38 Adam You just don't feel it that it's there. You can squash it. It's so malleable that most guys wouldn't even know.

48:44 Drew Well, why not put a little speed bump on it, let the fellas know there's a little something in there waiting for them.

48:49 Adam And if they do feel it, she can just take it out. As long as she takes it out for less than an hour.

48:53 Drew I wouldn't mind feeling it, to tell you the truth.

48:55 Adam It's up to you.

48:56 Drew I like that feeling.

48:57 Adam It's up to you.

48:57 Drew Yeah, it's nice. It's not like there's a bear trap in there. It's just a little extra grab.

49:02 Adam Maybe for you, maybe that'll work.

49:04 Drew Yeah, I need that.

49:05 Adam I don't know.

49:05 Drew Yeah, I like that.

49:06 Adam We talked about the inches before, right?

49:07 Drew Yeah. Well, I like the idea that four inches to use an inch and an eight. I like that. But you know how I measure the penis. Oh, yes, I've worked out my own way of measuring the penis.

49:20 Caller This is the Corolla metric system.

49:24 Drew This is not a unit of measurement, but it's a technique of measurement that I've worked out. Because there's confusion about a way to do it.

49:32 Caller Here it is.

49:33 Drew From the center of the anus to just past the tip. Okay? And that, when I'm in charge, we've talked about many of my other things. That will be the official way to measure the penis. Center the anus, just past the tip.

49:50 Adam We got to ask Dr. Alter about that because I'm sure he's measured the penis before. We got to talk to him.

49:55 Drew Oh yeah. He always measures them before he cuts them off.

49:58 Adam Let me just finish up with Emily real quick because the other one that is a good option for her is the patch. The patch, instead of the daily thing, like with birth control pills, the patch is once a week. So the only thing she would have to remember is the day of the week that she last put the patch on because that's when she would take the old one off and put a new patch on.

50:16 Drew Should there be a place on the patch for like a date or stamp or something?

50:20 Adam There is in the patch box. So just like a birth control pill box, there's a box that you can put your patches in and instead you just basically have a dial to the day of the week. So every time you open it, it'll just say Wednesday or Thursday. So you remember, okay, Thursday, I change my patch.

50:35 Drew Take a Sharpie, right? Like 724 on it.

50:38 Adam You could do, you know what? You could do that.

50:40 Drew Why not?

50:40 Adam Why not?

50:41 Drew I like that.

50:42 Adam As long as you remember. So anyway, Emily has multiple options and hopefully Emily's lubrication issues will get settled down.

50:47 Drew If you were to see some 18 year old who said, you know, I'm healthy, I have no problems, I'm non-smoker and I don't take any drugs, I want birth control, I just want effective birth control, what would you put them on?

51:01 Adam I would say 90% of the time you're going to start with the pill.

51:06 Drew You would. You would start. Absolutely. Why not the NuvaRing?

51:09 Adam Well, you know, NuvaRing is great. I can tell you that in general, patients like taking birth control pills better, just as a first option. It's just most women, if you start talking to them about putting something internally and then having it there during sex, they're going to feel a little weird about it. If they can take a pill, they'd rather try that first.

51:30 Drew Fine. Nicole? You're 19? What's up?

51:37 Caller I have this issue where I only attract quite significantly older men to the point where I think they need Medicare. I'm 19 and I work in a bar, so I'm constantly in an environment where there's older men around me, but never the 21 or 25 or 26 year olds like me. It's always the 35 year olds that I attract.

52:00 Drew What can you do at a bar at 19?

52:03 Caller Oh, I do their validations until 2 o'clock in the morning.

52:08 Drew You do what?

52:09 Caller And I make sure the restaurant's clean.

52:14 Drew You're like a greeter or something like that?

52:16 Caller Yeah, a greeter, and I just say hello and goodbye, make sure people are being safe and stuff like that.

52:20 Drew Yeah, all right. So you got 30 year old guys sitting on you. Older guys sitting on you.

52:26 Caller Yeah.

52:28 Drew Is anything wrong with you?

52:30 Adam Well, I guess, you know what, I have a question for Nicole. Are you attracted back? I mean, is this just going towards you or do you want to get, do you feel like that would be an appropriate relationship for you to pursue?

52:42 Caller Well, I have relationships that are quite a bit older, but it doesn't fit in them. All my friends are my age. And so for me to take one of my boyfriends or someone I'm dating who's 32 years old, it just doesn't work.

52:58 Drew Right. So what about, what about we set you up with the engineer Chris who's 27. He's a little bit old, but he lives at home. So I think that kind of youngens him up a little bit. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, buddy. Yeah, that'll work. He's a good guy. He's practically a celebrity. He's on the show almost every night when we make fun of him for going there and taking one class. By the way, hold on. Dr. Ben.

53:23 Caller Dude, I'm popular, man.

53:24 Adam Are you?

53:24 Drew Do people know who you are?

53:27 Adam No.

53:28 Drew Shut your mouth. Your parents would have killed themselves if they found out you were taking one class at junior college, right, Dr. Ben?

53:35 Adam That's good. As long as I was happy.

53:38 Caller That's a good one.

53:41 Drew That's funny. Your parents should have killed themselves.

53:44 Caller Dude, I'm used to it.

53:45 Drew You're busy. You're busy. Nicole. All right. Here's the thing. If you're an attractive girl and you work at a bar, there's going to be guys that are going to hit on you. And here's the dealio, guys that are, shut up, Drew, guys that are 30, 32 are a little more together than 22 year olds in the sense that they have more confidence. They don't mind walking up to a woman. They'll look them in the eye. They'll ask for a phone number. They're more forward. They got their own condo. They got their own car. When you're 22 as a guy, 20, 19, you're squirrely. You are. And you don't go up to- No, they're- Yes. Here's what they are. Here's what they are. Here's the reality of it. 32-year-old guy who hangs out at a bar in Huntington Beach is an experienced hunter. It's almost like a look at a hunter. And when you're at 19 and 20, you're sort of a fumbling hunter. You're not very good at it. And there's some guys that are better at it than others. But the 32-year-old guys will come up. They got the lines, they got the play. They do their thing. The other guy's 22. He's living at home. He's driving his brother's car that he's borrowed. He's much, much squirrelier. You see what I'm saying? So maybe it's the confidence level and the experience level of the 30-year-old guy that makes them come up to you. There's probably a bunch of 22-year-old guys at the bar who think you're hot and they're just too squirrely to do anything about it.

55:16 Adam Okay, I'll buy that, but I also wanted to... I just was wondering...

55:19 Drew Chris agrees to.

55:20 Adam Okay, so that's...

55:21 Caller That's...

55:22 Drew All right, here's the whole thing. I don't want to get into it, Nicole, because it's not a real problem.

55:25 Caller Here's the deal.

55:26 Drew If the guy's 32, don't give him your phone number. And don't worry. You work in a nice place.

55:30 Caller You're cute.

55:31 Drew You're a greeter, server, whatever. Enough 23-year-olds will come up and ask you for your number.

55:36 Adam Eventually a confident 23-year-old will come up to you.

55:38 Caller That's right. Right.

55:39 Drew No. And there's nothing that you're doing that's preventing that from happening. Joel?

55:45 Yeah.

55:45 Drew You're 18?

55:46 Caller Yes, sir.

55:47 Drew What's your question?

55:49 Caller All right, dude. I got a pretty hotty girlfriend. I mean, she's damn hot. And everything's fine except for when I'll be driving her somewhere and a little roadhead will pop up and it's just not working. Like I've never gotten off to an oral and I don't know why. Yeah.

56:04 Drew You're 18. You got to work it out. Some guys aren't into that. And by the way, you may just be a very passionate man like Dr. Drew. They just enjoy intercourse so much that oral sex just seems like it's a distant second.

56:17 Caller It's like an appetizer, man.

56:19 Drew Yeah.

56:19 Caller Eat before you eat to make you more hungry.

56:21 Drew Yeah, that's right. So, Joel, what a delight.

56:24 Adam Joel's got the good line. Joel should go to Nicole at the bar because he's got the lines.

56:28 Drew Yeah. And by the way, you want an 18 year old? Yeah. Nicole, this is what you get. That's what you get. Yeah. You've got to wind up beanie in an attitude. There's nothing worse than an 18 year old guy who's getting copious amounts of sex and just that testosterone oozing out of their eyes. Okay, here's the deal. A, who cares? B, that's just you. C, you'll probably settle into some sort of rhythm. But then D, that's not your thing. Like look, if you were a little more into it, you'd probably have an orgasm. I mean, it's hard to argue with not having an orgasm. You're into it. You're just not that into it. Not into it to the degree that you're into intercourse. Drew and I worked this out. You know, Drew and I, first off, pardon the pun, almost came to blows in the studio. Almost came to blows.

57:19 Adam Over this issue.

57:19 Drew Physically almost got into it.

57:21 Adam Right.

57:22 Drew And you know, Drew's a passive man.

57:24 Adam He's a very passionate man.

57:26 Drew He's a passive and passionate man.

57:28 Adam Oh, okay. Was he more passionate or passive that night?

57:31 Drew He was more passionate that night. I'm a kitten. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a kitten. We almost took each other out right here because I enjoy a nice BJ. That's my thing. Spread the word. And by the way, nobody receives oral sex as good as I do. A lot of guys brag about, oh, I give great oral sex. Fine. You guys are diamond dozen. I don't even want to compete with you guys. I'm saying, ladies, no one receives like the ace man. I mean, the posture, I mean, first, I mean, it's great. I don't do anything. I don't like hit you with a shoe on your head or nothing. I'm great. No sudden movements. Nobody receives better. Spread the word. Nobody receives better than the ace man. But I'm not here to brag. What I'm saying is, is Drew, my partner, I thought was my friend, does not like oral sex. And as it turns out, the reason Drew doesn't like oral sex is not because he doesn't like oral sex, is that he loves intercourse, that he's such an exquisitely passionate man that the oral is just, it's no good for him. And it's not intercourse. And if it's not intercourse and there's intercourse to be had, then he wants to get to the intercourse. And there are plenty of guys that are like that. Possibly yourself, Dr. Ben. Player's choice. Look at your face. Yeah. All right. All right, so I'm starting to think that the Joles of the world just maybe are they're so so into getting it on that this just ain't it. That ain't ain't it for them. And the fact that you can't have an orgasm again, you will you'll work that out. You're young. You're 18. Besides, by the way, Cry Me A River. You're getting BJs on the road at 18. Dr. Ben, you weren't getting any of that stuff, were you?

59:14 Adam God, no, I didn't go to my prom in high school. I got nothing.

59:19 Drew Sad.

59:20 Adam You know, us nerdy guys with the 40-pound backpack, the guys in high school you all made fun of. That was me.

59:25 Drew So what was it? Now, where did you go to high school?

59:27 Adam Beverly.

59:28 Drew You went to Beverly, huh? Yeah. And is your dad a doctor?

59:32 Adam No, my dad's an accountant. I'm the only doctor in the family.

59:35 Drew So you went to Beverly High. Then you went to UCLA? Mm-hmm.

59:39 Adam Well, I went to UC Riverside Undergraduate and then UCLA Medical School.

59:43 Drew So you were a good student in high school. Took the SATs. Yeah. Took some like advanced placements and AP classes and stuff like that.

59:50 Adam You know how good for the ladies. You know how good that goes for the ladies.

59:54 Drew Let me tell you something about smart high school and its relation to ass, zero.

1:00:00 Adam Inverse relation. Inverse.

1:00:01 Drew You're actually punished for knowing things.

1:00:03 Adam Yes.

1:00:04 Drew I don't know what it is. Hot chicks are always a little bit stupid, and the more you know, the less you can communicate with them because you just become like an alien. Because what ends up happening is you're smart, you have a large vocabulary, you have a large knowledge base, you make jokes that are clever. It's like you're talking to a raccoon, though, because they're stupid, they're hot, but they're stupid. They think you're dumb because they don't understand what you're saying, and they don't understand any of your references or any of this, and you end up being punished for being smart. The guys of average intelligence do better in high school with chicks than the smart guys do. But that's all right. You have your day, because here's what happens. This is what Drew did. You're punished, and you're almost punished for being smart, but then you go to high school, and then you graduate, and then you get into med school, and then now it's payback time. Oh, yes.

1:00:56 Adam How is it payback time again?

1:00:58 Drew I don't know. You better talk to Drew about this.

1:00:59 Caller I got to take some nuts from Drew.

1:01:03 Drew He left a trail of candy stripers behind him, like a weight of candy stripers, like Sherman going through Atlanta. It just burned everything in sight. He took on all commerce. He's a passionate man, and it's payback. And what it is too is you save up your passion. You have a lot of passion built up, that passion damn overflowing from all the passion you had to turn in on yourself in high school. You didn't have anyone to release your passion on. You had to release the passion in your own hamper. Do you see what I'm saying? And now it's payback time in the passion department. So, Ben went to Beverly High, which is nice. Beverly High has a swim gym, it has a retractable gym floor with a swimming pool under it, right? I have a Busby Berkeley musical from, I mean, that's crazy stuff.

1:02:02 Adam Have you ever seen it actually retractable?

1:02:03 Caller I've probably seen it on TV or something like that.

1:02:06 Adam Yeah, it's awesome. It is cool. That's the coolest thing about Beverly.

1:02:10 Caller The point is...

1:02:10 Adam That and the oil well.

1:02:12 Drew This thing was built, this retractable swim gym thing must have been built in the 30s or something.

1:02:19 Adam Yeah, it was built as part of FDR's plan to, you know, hand out paychecks during the Great Depression. It was actually a public sport club.

1:02:27 Drew Where the hell was it when they built North Hollywood High? You know, we didn't have a goddamn pool. We had to go to the North Hollywood Y that was like four miles away if you wanted to swim and then there was this cesspool over there. Jesus Christ.

1:02:40 Adam A lot of good things happen when you're when you're camped out on top of a lot of oil.

1:02:44 Drew Yes.

1:02:44 Adam The school creates a lot of extra revenue for the government.

1:02:47 Drew Beverly Hills High has an oil derrick in the back of it, really, like next to the football field. That's correct. As a matter of fact, there's a whole lawsuit going on now because somebody and it's one of these, you know, nutty broad attorneys who goes by.

1:03:03 Adam Aaron Brockovich.

1:03:04 Drew Aaron Brockovich.

1:03:05 Adam Who's kind of gotten involved in that.

1:03:06 Drew Yes. Aaron Brockovich of movie fame, the real one, though, not Julia Roberts. Be nice to see her getting involved, but said you got the real one. She thinks that there's caused some cancer because of this oil derrick and she's suing I don't know who. What about you, Ben? How do you feel? You all right?

1:03:25 Adam I've always felt fine.

1:03:27 Drew Yeah. Listen, everyone in Los Angeles, the airborne particles.

1:03:30 Adam Yeah. Living in the city, I'm sure you're just like a setup for a whole bunch of stuff.

1:03:34 Drew Yeah.

1:03:34 Adam We all live shorter than if we had lived in the country.

1:03:36 Drew And here's the thing. Say you die a few years earlier, but you got that swim gym where you actually have a retractable floor with an Olympic-sized swimming pool under it and a wooden gymnasium floor under it. You hit a button and it's like something out of the Batcave. It just starts parting like the Red Sea.

1:03:53 Adam I'll give you a quick story about it. Please. Because it's incredible. Oingo Boingo played in our school gym when I was 16 years old. It was amazing. Oingo Boingo played in our high school and they played at the swim gym. They sold like, you know, 1400 tickets. It was insane. And they had their whole band set up on one end of the gym, like where, let's say, when the gym comes over the, when the hardwood comes over the pool, where let's say one of the baskets would be, if you were thinking of it as a basketball court. So they're set up on one end of the gym. The floor fills up with people dancing. And if you recall, you know, with Oingo Boingo, it was all about, you know, jumping up and down and jumping in rhythm with the band. And before you know it, because it's kind of like one flat piece of wood that's suspended over water, the middle of the gym is literally going up and down.

1:04:40 Drew It's bouncing.

1:04:41 Adam It's bouncing because everybody's jumping in rhythm. We've got a thousand kids jumping up and down on the same piece of wood at the same time. Oingo Boingo has got like two stories worth of amps about to topple over and kill like 200 kids.

1:04:54 Drew Really?

1:04:56 Adam They had to literally stop in the middle because they were afraid that the amps were going to get toppled over.

1:05:01 Drew What song were they rocking out to?

1:05:02 Caller I don't even remember.

1:05:04 Adam But it was just one of those things you remember. Possibly.

1:05:06 Drew Oh, man. Dr. Ben.

1:05:08 Adam It was awesome. That was my one fond memory of high school.

1:05:12 Drew I remember. Let me tell you what we had at North Hollywood High. All right. You ready?

1:05:18 Caller Go.

1:05:18 Drew Close your eyes so you can compare and contrast the Oingo Boingo playing at the swim jam at Beverly Hills High to what went on at North Hollywood High. The guy who played LeBeau from Hogan's Heroes, the little guy who played the Frenchman from Hogan's Heroes, came and spoke on the Holocaust. That's what we had.

1:05:37 Adam That was fun.

1:05:38 Caller That was our.

1:05:39 Drew Yeah. That was our idea. Hey, everybody. Yeah, we're having an assembly. See this guy? He was in a show that's about 20 years old. Yeah. Yeah. He's going to talk about the Holocaust. Wow. Everyone enjoy. Have a fun life.

1:05:53 Adam No wonder you're so bitter.

1:05:54 Drew Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Goddamn. Oh my God. I want to go boy ride LeBeau talking about the Holocaust. Yeah, you got to. And by the way, understand you weren't in World War II. You weren't a prisoner of war in World War II. That was a sitcom that was filmed on a soundstage in 1968. You idiot. Why don't those guys become spokespeople for stuff? You were in a sitcom about World War II. You weren't actually a prisoner of war in World War II.

1:06:21 Adam That makes no sense.

1:06:22 Drew All right. There's no justice. You get on and go boingo. I get LeBeau. Let's take ourselves a little break. I got to, I'm thinking about killing myself. I got a plan. I got to kick my dad in the nuts.

1:06:33 Adam We shouldn't talk about high school, Adam. It's putting you in a bad way.

1:06:35 Drew It's clearly upsetting.

1:06:36 Caller Yeah.

1:06:37 Drew What'd you get on the SATs? Yeah, you know.

1:06:39 Caller I don't even want to talk about it.

1:06:41 Adam Something that didn't get me a date.

1:06:43 Drew But it was into the, were you into the 14s?

1:06:47 Adam I was just shy of 14. I was 1380.

1:06:50 Drew 1380?

1:06:51 Caller Wow.

1:06:51 Drew That's a smart man. That's a smart man. I didn't take the SATs. Why bother?

1:06:57 Caller Where was I going?

1:06:58 Drew In junior college. It only hurts you. By the way, once I had the knowledge of the Holocaust that LeBeau gave me, I was ready to take on the world.

1:07:06 Caller Sure.

1:07:06 Drew Who needs testing? Got LeBeau telling me about the doc out. All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:07:16 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:07:25 Drew Hey, everybody. Are we on, Anderson? Hey, everybody. Love Line. That's Dr. Ben filling in for Dr. Drew in doing a spectacular job.

1:07:38 Adam Thank you. Can I ask Anderson for a quick favor before? Because I used to be able to just kind of say something through the glass. Now I can't do that. I have to actually say it to everybody. Can I get that mayonnaise drop somewhere in there? Can I get Snoop's drop? Missed that. A special request.

1:07:54 Caller That's my main mayonnaise.

1:07:56 Adam Thank you. That's my favorite drop ever.

1:08:00 Drew Yeah, really?

1:08:01 Adam Love that.

1:08:01 Drew Mayonnaise my rap man.

1:08:02 Caller Snoop Doggy Dog and Dr. Drew was at your door.

1:08:06 Caller Issel for chisel, Dissel.

1:08:11 Adam That must have been such a great show.

1:08:13 Drew Yes, always a good guest. Hey Anderson.

1:08:18 Caller I know what you're going to ask for.

1:08:20 Drew I know. I haven't heard in a long time. I want to hear, new season of Crank Yankers, by the way, on Comedy Central. And Dr. Drew and I did a Crank Anchor call where Dr. Drew had to get a little more urban. I explained to one of the callers that MTV was thinking about putting Loveline back on the air, but they wanted Drew to sort of be a little more urban to talk to the kids a little more.

1:08:46 Adam Got it.

1:08:46 Drew And Drew was going to practice with some of the kids.

1:08:49 Adam With Crank Yankers? Do you have that?

1:08:51 Drew Got it, Anderson. Let's hear that. All right. Should I be quiet?

1:08:59 Caller No, it's on disc, so I had to go get it and put it in a cue it and now we're good to go.

1:09:03 Adam It's incredible that Anderson can actually pull these things up that quickly because he figured there's been what? 10,000 shows and he can just kind of find it.

1:09:10 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:09:11 Adam That's unbelievable.

1:09:12 Caller This is one of Adam's favorites, so I keep it close.

1:09:14 Adam Oh, you keep it.

1:09:14 Drew I haven't heard it in a long time. Bow, this is Adam Carolla. You know the show Loveline, right?

1:09:30 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:09:31 Drew Yeah, good. Are you in a room that's quiet where we can talk a little bit?

1:09:36 Caller Why don't you wear a Jack-Off?

1:09:38 Drew Yeah, go wear a Jack-Off. Yeah, go wear a Jack-Off. Classy.

1:09:43 Caller You there? We're in the barn. That's good.

1:09:44 Caller OK.

1:09:47 Drew I'd like to go to the bar. What we're going to do here is we're putting together a tape for MTV because we're trying to get the show back on the air.

1:09:52 Caller Oh, hell yeah, man.

1:09:54 Drew And we're going to have Drew kind of hip it up a little, be a little more urban, OK?

1:09:58 Caller Dr. Drew in the hissy.

1:10:01 Drew So, let's just take it like a regular Loveline call and we'll just start at the beginning. Bow, 18, you're on Loveline. What's your problem?

1:10:09 Caller Well, the problem is I have no sex life.

1:10:12 Caller But why don't you got no play, player?

1:10:14 Caller I don't know.

1:10:15 Caller So, you ain't hitting the skins? Motherfucker. Mm-hmm. You undoubtedly are looking to get the throbbing guzzle, you see what I'm saying? In the meantime, you're sitting in the hissy by yourself, thinking about a little palooza action. In the meantime, your dong ain't doing s**t. Hey, look, we heard when the call picked up, you got all those shorties running around there. You got to get out there and get your bitch spunk drunk. Church, you feeling me? If you had a hissy, you'd be out of the house. I'm telling you, n***a, that it would put you into the mode where you would have no problem to get that freaky s**t going 24-7, flowing semen here in your house, in your hissy, for chizzy.

1:10:56 Caller Go with the flow. Don't talk about it.

1:10:59 Caller So I don't have to use all that freaky, tore up the a**, areola, pelusa, mafiotang, throbbing, guzzle-crapping the a** s**t, right?

1:11:06 Caller F**k them, be yourself.

1:11:08 Caller Look, m*****, I'm telling you, don't be a player hater. Because when you tap her in the a**, you ain't going to be interested in pistol rubbing no more. And the digit is Dizzle, and in the hissy for chizzy is going to be great on the QT for real.

1:11:21 Caller All right. All right.

1:11:25 Adam What did you have to give him to say that?

1:11:27 Caller Was that really him?

1:11:28 Drew Yeah, that was him.

1:11:29 Adam That's unbelievable.

1:11:31 Drew Well, he didn't see, look, that was like for him, it was like swearing in a different language because we were just holding up dry erase boards that had all this crazy talk on Areola Palooza and all this crazy junk and throb and guzzle and all that. It's so funny. And spunk drunk and all this stuff. He was just reading it as fast as we could write it on the thing. And then we got into a colossal argument when he wouldn't read one of the boards and I started yelling at him. It was very uncomfortable for everyone else.

1:11:59 Adam That's funny. That's a great draw. That's wonderful.

1:12:02 Drew Yeah.

1:12:02 Adam I want to copy that.

1:12:03 Caller If you had a hizzy, you'd be out of the house.

1:12:08 Drew That's how you knew he didn't know what he was talking about. If you want to essentially say, it's like if it was Spanish, it'd be like, if you had a casa, you'd be out of the house. If you had a house, you'd be out of the house. All right. Hey, Amy. You, it says here, you're dead wrong about LeBeau from Hogan's Heroes. You are.

1:12:33 Wow.

1:12:33 Drew She can prove it.

1:12:34 Adam She's 37.

1:12:35 Drew She can prove it. Now, what do you mean, I'm dead wrong about LeBeau?

1:12:40 Caller I'm telling you that he was on Hogan's Heroes. He was an actor, but he was also in a concentration camp during World War II as a child.

1:12:51 Drew Dour. That's good enough.

1:12:55 Caller You know, you're slipping. I know you're a genius.

1:12:57 Adam You're slipping.

1:12:58 Caller But that was the second time in like a week or so.

1:13:01 Drew Who cares? Second time in a week or so. Second time in a week or so.

1:13:06 Caller I know you can't care, so I'm caring for you.

1:13:09 Drew Quiet, junkie. Now, let me ask you this. It's obviously the work of a big woman. Second time. What are you talking about the second time?

1:13:17 Caller Roberto Duran came up, I think, last week.

1:13:21 Drew Oh, yeah. I said he wasn't from... Well, he's from Panama, isn't he?

1:13:26 Caller I knew you knew that.

1:13:27 Drew I did know Roberto Duran was from Panama.

1:13:29 Caller But you said he was Colombian, and he was such a fierce, you know...

1:13:35 Drew Warrior?

1:13:37 Caller I guess.

1:13:38 Drew Panama, Colombia, by the way. Totally different places if you've ever been to Panama, night and day, right?

1:13:44 Caller Well, they are. All right, Amy, listen.

1:13:48 Drew You got to get on that treadmill and get some dates going. You know what I'm saying? I appreciate you listening to the show, but you're a big gal, yes?

1:13:57 Caller Yes.

1:13:58 Drew This is the work of a big gal. And what I'm going to need you to do, and I know you're obsessed with the show and probably more.

1:14:04 Caller It's my relaxation. It's my relaxation.

1:14:08 Drew That's all right. I know what you're saying. See, when you have to speak for a couple of hours, once in a while something comes out the wrong way. Are you a Mormon? It's not going to work because Drew's not in the hizzy tonight. But yeah, you say Roberto Duran is from, where did I say he was from?

1:14:25 Adam He said it was Panama.

1:14:26 Drew He's from Panama, but I said the other night he was from Colombia. Right. See, these things happen when you talk for two hours a night. But I'm glad you're listening. I'm glad you're fact checking. And how did you know where Roberto Duran was from, by the way?

1:14:42 Caller My boyfriend is a big fan of boxing, and he makes me watch these Rocky movies. He had like a cameo in one of them.

1:14:50 Drew All right. Good enough. And what do you do? You do something in the nursing world? You work with kids?

1:14:58 Caller Oh, my God.

1:15:00 Drew What do you do?

1:15:01 Caller I knew you guys were a team.

1:15:03 Caller What do you do?

1:15:05 Caller I work in the NICU care.

1:15:08 Adam The neonatal intensive care unit.

1:15:10 Drew So you're a nurse who works with kids? All right.

1:15:12 Caller Unbelievable.

1:15:13 Adam Adam, that was... How did you do that?

1:15:16 Drew Amy, have we ever spoke before? No. Does it say anything on the screen? Kids and nurse?

1:15:26 Adam I am in shock.

1:15:27 Drew Thanks. Wow. I know the sound of people.

1:15:31 Adam Unbelievable. You've done this show way too long. From the show, just experienced talking to like a thousand callers. After a while.

1:15:38 Drew They had a little bit of it before the show.

1:15:40 Adam Unbelievable. Claire Voyance. You could be like that guy who has a show about the dead. Edwards. Talking to the dead. You could be that guy.

1:15:48 Drew Yeah. Yeah, that was like, you know, I hate to kiss my own ass here, but that was nursing and kids and she's a kid's nurse.

1:15:58 Adam I got it. I was here to see that.

1:16:00 Drew Thank you. Good. Glad you brought that up.

1:16:02 Adam Unbelievable.

1:16:03 Drew Yeah. Just intuition. I got the big ass. I got the nurse. I got the kid's part. No, I know. I know my fans.

1:16:10 Adam Can't argue with that.

1:16:11 Drew All right. Here we go. We're moving on with the show, and yes, LeBeau probably was talking to us at North Hollywood High because as a very young boy, he was in some camp somewhere in Germany or Poland. Jessica? Yeah. You're 15? 16. And by the way, made the presentation all that much more depressing while you were rocking to Oingo Boingo.

1:16:38 Caller We were, we had a trail of tears to listen to LeBeau talking about it.

1:16:43 Adam I cannot complain about high school ever again. I didn't go to North Hollywood High.

1:16:46 Drew Thank God.

1:16:46 Caller Thank you.

1:16:47 Drew Jessica, go ahead.

1:16:49 My question is, when I went out with my friends a couple of times, and I noticed when I get high, I get like more attracted to girls than I do guys, like I push guys away, and I don't know why.

1:17:04 Drew You ever do anything with a girl?

1:17:07 Not unless I'm high.

1:17:08 Drew Yeah, I know, but, okay, you ever do anything with a girl when you're high?

1:17:13 Well, sometimes.

1:17:15 Drew What have you done? I mean, you ever had sex with a girl?

1:17:18 No, all I've done is I've met out with a girl and we got topless, but that's it.

1:17:23 Drew Yeah, do you do it to get attention from guys, though, or the guys around?

1:17:27 I've done it with just my best friend.

1:17:29 Drew And you just get topless?

1:17:33 Well, yeah, because I'm...

1:17:36 Drew Here's my question. I know women don't really have that sort of finishing deal closing killer instinct that guys have because there's really just not so much place for them to go. But do they, you know, why is it that you just got topless? You know, you're with your best friend, you're high, your shirts are off, you're making out. How come the pants stay on?

1:17:57 Caller Because, I don't know, because, I don't know, I just, that's all we really get to.

1:18:04 Drew Was that her idea? Or both?

1:18:06 Caller I don't.

1:18:07 Drew Does she want to move further and you want to slow it down? So that was enough. That was enough fooling around with your friend.

1:18:17 Caller Yeah.

1:18:18 Drew Okay. And now you want to know if that makes you what, a lesbian?

1:18:23 Caller Yeah.

1:18:23 Drew Or bisexual? Do you have a boyfriend?

1:18:27 Caller Yeah. He, he gets turned on. I don't know. He likes it.

1:18:31 Drew Yeah.

1:18:32 Caller And I don't.

1:18:33 Adam So put it together.

1:18:34 Drew When you're in high school, can you imagine this going on?

1:18:38 Adam This is, there's something going on, but it's not what, you know, if she's 16 years old, she's getting high, she's being experimental and her boyfriend likes it. So I mean, obviously I think the first thing to talk about is, you know, what's going on on her end as far as relationships and who is her dad or what's happened to her as a kid.

1:18:57 Drew How old is your boyfriend? 17. And you're not doing any of this just to please him, you're just doing it because you're smoking weed and getting into it. He got you into weed. How often do you smoke?

1:19:15 Caller Maybe once every two days.

1:19:17 Drew It's kind of a lot for a 16 year old chick.

1:19:20 Adam Something happened.

1:19:21 Caller Well, less than him.

1:19:24 Drew Well, listen, you know, most of North America smokes less than he does. He smokes every day.

1:19:28 Caller Well, because he brings it to me. I don't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't know where to get it.

1:19:32 Drew Here's the thing, Jessica, I ain't up tight, you know, I'm not your daddy, but I can't tell you that weed, it slows you down a little bit. And it's all right for us adults. We need to slow down a little bit, but your kids, you don't need to slow down. And what you need to do is absorb as much stuff as you can absorb in high school and then in college, and then you'd see if you can regurgitate it later on in life. That's basically how it works. And when you, when you absorb the THC, you don't really absorb that much else when you're, when you're 16. And that's why when you talk to guys who have been smoking steadily since 16, I got, I see them at 37 and they seem like they're 16. They look like they're 37, actually look like they're 40, but they seem like they're 16 because nothing else really gets in. They've just been, been high the whole time. You don't want to turn in that. And I, I worry about this guy. I don't think he's so good for you, Jessica. I don't like this guy. What's that? You both get straight A's?

1:20:31 Caller Yeah.

1:20:32 Drew All right. Well, that's a good thing, but that'll probably stop one of these days too. Especially for him if he's smoking out every day.

1:20:39 Caller Well, I'm trying to get him to quit, but he won't, he doesn't want to.

1:20:44 Drew Well, one of the ways to slow him down is not to smoke out with him every other day. Yeah, you don't have to do it.

1:20:53 Adam He's got no choice.

1:20:54 Drew Here's the thing, Jessica. Look, you get high and you get a little amorous with one of your buddies, fine. Here's what you got to focus on. Don't get pregnant. Don't let this guy knock you out. That's going to screw things up. You get straight A's, fine. Go off to college somewhere. Do not get this guy to get you pregnant and don't smoke out with him if you want to get him to quit. And see if you can, because it's just really, like I said, here's the thing about weed. What we did is we overreacted to weed. We made a big deal about weed. And by the way, as a society, we made a big deal about weed back when it wasn't even one tenth of what it is now. I mean, if you think about it, the weed that we were talking about and all that reefer madness stuff was just a bunch of shaken leaves, had to smoke a novelty size Cuban cigar sized joint like a Cheech and Chong sized joint to catch half a buzz. Now this stuff, it's got like crystals and red hairs on it and stuff. You open up a bag of weed and smell it, you get high. I mean, I could smell weed that's been wrapped in a baggy shoved in foil and crammed up someone's butt walking down the street, like on the other side of the street. It's crazy. Chris, back me up here. Weed, it's crazy now, it's crazy, science has gotten into it, it's all this hydroponic stuff. Stuff's like, people pull out weed now, it's like sticky and it's got hairs and crystals and like elves and red stars and blue diamonds. It's crazy. Definitely. And you get high out of your brain, by the way. You get too high. So, here's the thing, we went nuts early with the weed. We said it was going to kill you and you're going to go mental and jump off buildings and stab your mom and stuff. None of that happened. And then everyone started to ignore it. And now everyone's smoking this super chronic weed. And it is a little bit of a problem, especially when you're in high school, and especially, you know, you're 16 years old, it's shutting you down. Take it easy on the weed. I'm not saying you can't smoke. Here's the deal. Smoke it when you get a little bit older. That's all.

1:22:51 Adam Drew would talk probably about, you know, this is more Drew's area of expertise, but he would probably talk about the developing brain and how it gets affected in relationship to THC. As opposed to, let's say, somebody who's kind of mostly done with neural development.

1:23:04 Drew That's right.

1:23:04 Adam The long-term effect.

1:23:05 Drew Here's the thing. Your brain is wet until you're like 18, and it's like a sidewalk that's been freshly poured with concrete. You don't want someone to come along with a stick and put their initials in it because it'll be there for a hundred years. Once the concrete dries, have at it. Go at it with a jackhammer. It doesn't matter. That's what I do with my brain.

1:23:25 Caller You know what I'm noticing, Adam?

1:23:26 Adam Other than this telepathic stuff that you get through those microphones, you're also making very good concrete, if you don't mind the pun, analogies to medical issues. You've learned that.

1:23:40 Drew God bless you, Ben. Drew, if you're listening, don't come home. You have no job here. As a matter of fact, you're dead to me. Do not come home. Dr. Ben, new sheriff in town. We give him one-tenth the price, everybody. Thank you.

1:23:52 Adam We'll be back on in Tennessee in two weeks.

1:23:54 Caller So why don't you get no play, playa?

1:23:58 Caller We'll take a quick break.

1:23:59 Drew We'll be right back.

1:24:02 Caller 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1 Drew.

1:24:06 Drew Guess how many Terrific Sense Ants deodorant body spray comes in? No, more. Anyway, seven's a nut, right? I'm Adam. That is Dr. Ben. Dr. Ben is an OGBYN who's filling in for Dr. Drew, so we will take calls of that nature. And here's one of them now. Adrienne?

1:24:48 Caller Yeah, hi.

1:24:50 Drew You're 19?

1:24:50 Caller Yeah.

1:24:51 Drew What's up?

1:24:52 Caller I was just wondering about my period because I noticed the last two times the amount of blood was decreasing a lot, and it was reduced to five days instead of seven. And I was just wondering what could have caused it.

1:25:07 Adam So a couple of things, Adrienne. First of all, are you on any medications?

1:25:13 Caller Well, I just started birth control, but that was the second period. It was like right before that, right before I started the pills.

1:25:21 Adam Okay, because you realize one of the things that the pills will do for you is they'll make your periods lighter. So I understand that this was before the pill, though. Why did you get… Are you just recently sexually active? Why did you get on the pill, I guess I'm asking?

1:25:37 Caller What's that?

1:25:37 Adam Why did you get on the pill?

1:25:39 Caller Well, we weren't all that careful at first, and I accidentally got pregnant. So I decided to get more serious about it.

1:25:49 Adam Okay, well great, you made the right decision. And that would be another reason why somebody would have, let's just call it abnormal periods, is if they're pregnant and the pregnancy is not a normal pregnancy. Like, a miscarriage would result in some abnormal bleeding and a period that's all of a sudden very, very light. So as long as you're not pregnant and you can do a simple year-end pregnancy test, and as long as you weren't on birth control pills before, there are some other things that can cause it. A couple of other things would be what's going on with your weight. How much do you weigh and how tall are you?

1:26:23 Caller I'm 5'5 and I weigh about 135.

1:26:26 Adam Okay, there hasn't been a huge shift in weight lately.

1:26:29 Caller No, about 10 pounds.

1:26:31 Adam In what direction? Up, okay. Because it's usually, you know, the other reason to go along this line of reasoning is that, you know, anorexia, eating disorders, sudden loss of weight, you need a certain amount of fat to make enough estrogen in order to have regular periods. And sometimes if, especially if this is going in the other direction, you're losing weight, you can end up with lighter periods. So basically, what I can tell you is that...

1:26:54 Drew Does your body, if you're becoming anorexic, does your body say, we're not losing any blood, like we need to hang... Is it trying to do... Because I know your body will sort of compensate when you try to screw with it. Is it saying we're going to try to hang on to all the nutrients, all the iron, all the whatever, all the fluid we possibly can?

1:27:12 Adam You can look at it in a hundred ways, but it's basically, it's a stress response. So anytime you stress people out, like, you know, even... And you have to realize that the gland that controls regular menses is actually at the base of the brain. The pituitary gland controls menses. So even though it's our ovaries that are responding to pituitary hormones, it's our uterus that's actually where the where the menses is coming from. It's really the brain.

1:27:34 Drew My uterus is where?

1:27:36 Adam It's really the brain. And so stress actually causes people to miss periods all the time. You frequently see it around September, October. I see it when, you know, girls who go away to college for the first time, all of a sudden, they're leaving the house, they're taking, you know, college courses, they're totally getting freaked out and they stop having periods. That's very common. The stress responds to all that stuff. So, you know, I can tell you in general, Adrienne is not going to run into this problem much longer because now that she's on birth control, first of all, she won't have to worry about pregnancy. Second of all, her periods will become completely predictable and will all be just about the same from one cycle to the next because she's always going to be exposing herself as long as she doesn't forget her pills. To the same amount of hormones and her periods are going to become beautifully regular and the same with every cycle.

1:28:20 Drew Well, it's going to be a great day for all of us. I'm going to take some calls where people have been on hold for 131 minutes. For instance, Caitlin over here. 131 minutes. Caitlin, you're 15. Are you still awake?

1:28:35 Caller Oh, yes. Wow.

1:28:37 Drew Sorry. Sorry, Dr. Ben put you on hold for all that time.

1:28:39 Adam You stuck with us. You are awesome.

1:28:41 Drew What's going on, sweetie pea?

1:28:44 Caller I just, I mean, terrible.

1:28:48 Drew You get your head together. I will read the screen. It says falls hard for older guys in love with a 17-year-old boyfriend. Really? Is it love or isn't it? Is he your boyfriend that's 17 or is it just a guy you have a crush on?

1:29:03 Caller He's my boyfriend. We got together a few months ago.

1:29:09 Drew Do you have sex?

1:29:10 Caller We've been friends since kindergarten.

1:29:13 Drew Have you had sex with him?

1:29:16 Caller No. I've never had sex, but I have had really lengthy relationships with older guys.

1:29:24 Drew What is the problem? You have a boyfriend, he's a couple of years older, you're not having sex with him.

1:29:30 Caller The thing is, he's going to college next year and I'm just going to be a sophomore.

1:29:34 Drew And he's going away to college?

1:29:36 Caller Yeah, and we both know that it's not going to last because we don't...

1:29:40 Drew I know, and you both know it's not going to last, so that's pretty good. It means you're both smart. Okay, here's the thing. You should have a number of relationships, if you want to call failed relationships a so be it, but just a number of relationships before you end up in that eight-year marriage, before you get divorced ultimately with a three-year-old like Dr. Ben is going to. That's the point. You need to have a number. This is natural. This is what happens. They get together and then they grow apart or they go to college or whatever. Trying to keep something going while he's halfway across the country is going to be a road paved with heartache. So, you're mature about it. Fine. But here's the thing. Don't have sex with him because then that's setting the hook.

1:30:24 Caller It's like making me too attached.

1:30:27 Drew Yeah. You'll get too emotionally attached and then it'll be like, well, he was my first and now he's going and you'll try to keep it going and he'll start having sex with some sorority chick and your heart will be broken. That's it. He's going away. He's going away to college. Fine. But he gets no nookie before he leaves.

1:30:46 Caller Why is it that do you think that I'm getting so attached to like every guy that I will be with, but especially this guy, like I can't let go, you know?

1:31:00 Drew This is what 15 year old girls do. This is what 15 year old guys do.

1:31:04 Adam This is Romeo and Juliet. This is like young love.

1:31:07 Drew Young love. So you're fine. And the fact that he's going off to college and you know that this thing is going to end means you're emotionally and intellectually way ahead of the game. And it's going to hurt. And that's fine. You should. You need a certain amount of that. All right. Someone else been on hold for 120 minutes.

1:31:23 Adam Unbelievable.

1:31:24 Drew Ashley.

1:31:25 Adam Ashley.

1:31:26 Drew You're 16. And you get real close to an orgasm during sex, but you can't have one. Now that's during intercourse. And what about oral sex?

1:31:36 Caller I don't really get off of that.

1:31:40 Drew You don't experiment with oral sex, but you have intercourse. Are you using protection? What are you using?

1:31:48 Caller Condoms. And I'm trying to get on birth control. But my dad, like, never lets me out of the house.

1:31:56 Drew How do you have so much sex with your boyfriend, if your dad knows what he's doing?

1:32:01 Caller Well, my mom is good friends with his mom, and so I'm allowed to go over to his house a lot.

1:32:05 Drew I see some pimpy over there. That's good parenting.

1:32:08 Adam Can I mention something to Ashley?

1:32:09 Drew You got ten seconds.

1:32:11 Adam You need good birth control, and I can tell you this is a recipe for disaster. You guys are going to mess around, and you're eventually going to get pregnant, and at your age, I'm not sure that that's something that you really want to do. In the state of California, I'll just mention this real quick, now we can get emergency contraception without a prescription through a pharmacy, and she's calling from Maryland. I know, but this is for everybody that's here and can get to one of these pharmacies. People who aren't on hormonal contraception, people who are, let's say, on condoms, you can go to a pharmacy today before there's an accident, get emergency contraception, have it in their back pocket, remember 20 minutes ago when I said 10 seconds? and just in case, they can use it. So you can play with fire, but you can still have the fire... Get out of jail free.

1:32:57 Drew And that's what the religious right can stand. But they say they hate abortions. I wonder which one it is.

1:33:04 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

1:33:10 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

1:33:19 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:31 Drew Well, that's the show everybody. I want to thank Dr. Ben for coming in here and doing a fantastic job as usual.

1:33:39 Caller Oh, it's a good time.

1:33:42 Drew And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Ben. Saying, mahalo.

1:33:50 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, July 21, 2004