Episode 1000631340522

1:08 Drew Dr. Drew, board certified physician, takes best, bad, bad. Jeremy Piven's gonna be in here tonight.

1:13 Adam I'm betting he's at the old studio. That is my bet.

1:17 Drew Well, he did Kimmel tonight.

1:19 Adam Oh, okay, so it'll be a few more minutes.

1:20 Drew Yeah, yeah, Kimmel, I believe, tapes at like 8 o'clock now. Ends at 9. He could get here, but, you know, when you do Kimmel, let me tell you something about Kimmel. That's a party going on over there.

1:36 Adam I know.

1:36 Drew That's not a TV show.

1:38 Adam It's the-

1:38 Drew That's a party.

1:39 Adam It's the hang of the hotspot to be in Hollywood, that rain room.

1:41 Drew Anyone who's seen the show knows it's no TV show. It's a part- no, oh no. No, Drew, please, you know the way I meant that.

1:49 Adam I know, of course.

1:49 Drew You know what I'm saying. It sucks. Now, it is a party going on over there.

1:56 Adam It takes a while to get out and extract yourself.

1:58 Drew When you're done, you got to have a couple of boozies and you got to kiss the ring. You know what I'm saying? Let me tell you something about Jimmy. Anybody who goes to the show who-

2:10 Adam This time I punched the mic into me.

2:13 Drew Let me explain-

2:14 Adam Punched me with the mic.

2:15 Drew What Drew just did there. First, Drew, what Drew does with the microphone, Drew actually hurt himself with the microphone at that. Drew, first, like a good Mexican fighter, he softens up the body. He goes down low. He works the liver, he works the kidney. Then once the body's been softened and the hands start sliding down and the elbows start going low to protect the midsection, pow! He turns the uppercut and it's devastating. That time he jammed the mic right into his face with an uppercut. I've seen Drew hit the mic with his glasses. I've seen him hit the, actually, I would say bump or make contact with a mug. It's not the right word. I've seen him attack it with a mug.

2:57 Adam Yeah, it's this one. Now, of course, when I try to do it, I can't quite do it.

3:02 Drew I've seen him use the mug against the mic the way a black mother uses a slipper against the cops when they're arresting her baby. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. I've seen him go at the mic. Yes, but this, I've never seen an uppercut, Drew. You've really-

3:19 Adam I've improved. I've moved on.

3:20 Drew And here's the thing about Drew. Just when you think there's not another way for him to make contact with the microphone, he turns around and surprises you. It's like a great relationship. You know what I mean?

3:31 Adam Speaking of making contact, I was taking my son to a tutoring session today.

3:34 Drew I was not done with Kimmel, by the way.

3:36 Adam But listen, you can get back. You'll like this, too. And I'm at a Starbucks in the San Marino area, and I walk in, and just waiting for my son to finish his tutoring thing.

3:45 Drew You're waiting to get a freebie coffee from engineer Chris' brother?

3:48 Adam No, this wasn't his place. This is somewhere way miles away from there. But there's Chris sitting there.

3:53 Drew Engineer Chris?

3:54 Adam Engineer Chris.

3:55 I know. I hope my brother's not listening.

3:57 Adam In an intense discussion with the... Was he an Asian gentleman? Yes.

4:01 He's my friend.

4:03 Adam They seem to be going over like a college...

4:05 Drew Well, they don't have books in junior college.

4:09 Adam Like a course selection book. Getting some career advice, it seemed like.

4:16 Drew Let's see. Loser 101, Loser 102, Hatcher 103, Living at Home 104.

4:21 Adam I was talking about watching a pro at work, and he mentioned your name a couple of times, and I thought, oh, how interesting.

4:27 Drew Watching a pro at work, please.

4:31 Adam Was that what you were looking at?

4:32 What were you looking at?

4:33 Adam What were you looking at?

4:34 Drew More junior colleges.

4:35 Adam I couldn't interrupt, and they were very intense.

4:38 Drew More junior college?

4:39 We're trying to figure out, yeah.

4:40 Drew Yeah. I just want to let you know that I got a buddy who's working at my house. He's going to be there tomorrow morning. That's going on 22 years of junior college.

4:51 Adam How did I know that was course selection? I must have seen you for four seconds. I knew he was giving you career advice.

4:57 Drew Good call. Junior college.

4:59 Adam Why did you come to us for career advice? No, we're... All right.

5:04 Drew Close your mic. That's my career advice. Shut your mic off. Junior college is to young students what quicksand is to natives chasing Tarzan. They just hit it and that's it. And the more they struggle, the deeper they get.

5:24 Adam Everyone knows that about quicksand...

5:25 Drew .it's just their hat. Just a pith helmet sitting there. You never get out of junior college.

5:29 Adam They wouldn't know what he's going to take.

5:30 Drew What?

5:31 Adam The courses? What are you taking? What are you going to take?

5:33 Drew It doesn't matter.

5:34 Adam Well, I want to know what they're worth. It's quite a discussion. What? What was he advising you to take? Math or biology?

5:40 Drew Let me explain something.

5:41 Adam Those are the last two I have to take.

5:42 Drew When I'm in charge, I go through junior college every seven and a half years in clean house. Which is, I just start walking around. No, I don't know people's names. Hey, hey, Nike shirt, yeah, porkchop sideburns. Come here. I've seen you here. I've seen you here since like 89. Have I not? Yeah. You're out. Get out.

6:03 Get out.

6:04 Drew Get out of here. I'm faculty. I don't care. You're gone. Gone. You pack up your sport coat with the patches on the sleeves, throw it in the Nova, your folks cosigned for, and get the F out. Everybody, any student I'd seen wandering around, I would have kicked my mom out 30 years ago. My mom's still wandering the halls of, my mom's ghost will haunt the halls of LA Valley College.

6:29 Adam But what are you trying to get?

6:31 Drew I'm gonna know, I'm interested.

6:33 Adam I know you're not, Adam, but I am.

6:35 Drew What's he trying to get? He's trying not to get a job.

6:37 Adam I'm trying to get out.

6:38 Drew He'll never get out.

6:39 Adam With an associate degree?

6:41 Well, yeah, your first AA degree and then you transfer.

6:43 Adam To where?

6:45 Drew Another junior college. Let's go to Santa Monica Junior College. They've got a better program over there.

6:50 Adam Telecommunications. Telecommunications.

6:52 Drew It's not gonna happen.

6:54 Adam Why not? Get a job.

6:56 Drew What am I doing? Fight to keep it. How old? You're 27. See, here's the whole thing. Look at it.

7:04 Adam I would give you totally different advice, by the way. Go ahead.

7:06 Drew Okay, but here's what I'm saying. Why don't we start talking about the NBA or the NHL? Why don't we talk about playing arena football? Something realistic. I'm saying, you're 27, it would have happened. You're on the cusp. Okay, here's what I'm gonna say about you, Chris. You're on the cusp. You can look that word up later. If you. Know what that means. They have that place where they keep the books. I'm on the verge. It's on the verge.

7:29 Adam Excuse the internet, forget that place.

7:30 Drew Okay, here's what I'm saying. Here's what I'm saying. You're 27. By the time you're 28 and a half to 29, the window is painted and nailed shut. You can no longer get out of junior college. You can't get out of junior college. You can't get out. And when you hit your 30s, that's it.

7:48 Adam So he's gonna get out by 30. No, no, no, get out by next, as fast as possible.

7:51 Drew What I'm saying is, I'm giving you about, I'm giving you 18 to 24 months to get out. To get out. If you don't get your S together, get your associate degree and get the, or AA, or whatever the hell you get, and get the S out of there, that's it.

8:05 No, I agree with you.

8:06 Drew Then no more.

8:06 I agree.

8:07 Drew Because you'll be in your 50s, and then you don't even go home between classes.

8:12 Adam What should he study when he gets, yeah.

8:13 Drew No, Drew, you don't understand.

8:14 Adam No, no, I don't.

8:14 Drew You don't leave at night. Yeah, you just stay there and You sit there and you live off granola bars from the Snack Shack and you try to score weed.

8:21 Adam Yeah.

8:22 Drew That's it. I'm telling you, if I ran the junior college just now, I would walk through, I would clean house every seven years.

8:27 Adam You start dropping people.

8:28 Drew You out, you out, you gone. Yeah, four eyes.

8:30 Adam But what should he study?

8:31 Drew Yeah, you over there, hacky sack. You're out.

8:32 Adam What should he study?

8:33 Drew You're doing nothing.

8:34 Adam I should change my major? Tell it to the education.

8:36 Drew What do you got out of that? Just get your general stuff as fast as you can and go to a real school.

8:41 Adam Yeah, and then study what though? What should he study when he gets it?

8:43 Drew Look, that's eight years away. We'll have to figure that out now.

8:47 Adam All right.

8:49 Drew Jeremy's left Jimmy Kimmel who will be here soon. Yeah, no ass, Sherlock. My sister once said, no ass, Dick Tracy, when I was smart the Corollas are.

9:00 Adam Nice.

9:01 Drew Nice. Yeah. She knew enough not to go to junior college.

9:04 Adam Well, do you think anybody should study telecommunications? Unless you're going to do the technical side of it.

9:08 Drew Okay, look, I don't care what he studies. What I need, what I need engineer Chris to do besides not talk and you know, he needs to pot things up and he needs to freshen up my coffee. When I need engineer Chris to do, because I've taken him under my wing. He's like a little brother, even very helpful. He's like a little brother to me that I've never actually seen outside the studio. I'm going to need him to take his required classes, to focus on those, to knock those out as fast as he can and to transfer to it.

9:36 Adam Yeah, yeah, he's on that. He's on it. I'm waiting on what comes next.

9:41 Drew Everybody who's wandering the halls, like the cult of the damned aimlessly wandering the halls of a junior college is on that drill. Believe me, my mom's still on it. My buddy John, he's still on it. They're on it. Do not skip past that. This is what everyone does. Everyone's like, a couple of years over here, then pow, I transfer. And then you see the calendar page is blowing by, an old man time and beards growing and volcanoes.

10:10 Adam New islands forming.

10:12 Drew New islands forming, our crust cooling, our earth's core cooling and stars and new galaxies forming and more calendars and they're still roaming the halls of the junior college. You take all the classes you have to, you hustle your ass out of there. And then when it's time to go to a real school, then you come talk to the ace man. We'll work one out for you. And I'm gonna get you a sweater. With, you know, kind of has the pockets like that. And put it like a Letterman sweater. Chicks dig that, chicks dig that. All right, now, what was I saying? Oh, Kimmel. Yeah, Jeremy Piven, man who's been in, uh...

10:48 Adam Everything.

10:50 Drew Yeah, more movies than any actor.

10:51 Adam He must be promoting Entourage, though, because I read about him in the paper this morning. He's playing basically Artie Emanuel from Endeavor.

10:59 Drew He, I don't know what any of the things you just said was.

11:02 Adam And Entourage is a...

11:04 Drew No, I don't know who Artie Emanuel from Endeavor is.

11:06 Adam It's the head of a agency in Hollywood.

11:08 Drew Okay, well, I'm supposed to know?

11:10 Adam Yeah, yeah, I'd get to it, relax.

11:14 Drew Artie Emanuel?

11:15 Adam Artie Emanuel, yeah. It was in the paper this morning, this whole big thing about it.

11:18 Drew Papers that thing with the words on it? They keep in the place with the books sometimes?

11:22 Adam They keep in the place with the coffee usually.

11:24 Drew Oh, that's, I know, that's the coffee house. But what's the name of the place where they lend you the books?

11:29 Adam The library.

11:30 Drew It doesn't have the word book in it.

11:31 Adam I know.

11:32 Drew It's so confusing. I didn't even know they should put the word book in it. Okay, here's my point. You don't get out of Kimmel without a little glad hand and a little elbow rubbin and everybody can make it into Kimmel's dressing room. That's the whole thing. It doesn't matter if you're on the show, in the show, near the show, around the show, you just walk in. His dressing room was packed full of people people you've never seen before and they're not dressed that nice either. Really, it's just like hobos and people just lounging about and getting drunk on Kimmel's dime.

12:05 Adam It's very much of a real life entourage scene.

12:09 Drew Except for Jimmy doesn't know any of them. It's not a posse. Jimmy's in the next room hoping everyone leaves. I would, Jimmy's much more gracious about this than I would be. I would be walking around, who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Out. You're all out of here. And there's literally 18 people packed into a room that would comfortably hold five at the end of every show. I went there, when I did the show last week, I had like 14 people, I knew, to just pack in there. Jimmy's no better guy at that than Jimmy, by the way. And no worse than me. There you go. And you remember that caller, Kitten, who called last night?

12:49 Adam To show up?

12:50 Drew She showed up.

12:51 Adam Oh my God.

12:51 Drew I saw her at the Starbucks in Hollywood.

12:54 Adam Was she cute?

12:56 Drew Cute, but not more porn star cute, not high. Remember she said high fashion model, and I said that meant she was high. Nothing wrong with her. Pretty, you know, skinny, all that stuff. But we call her fashion model material, just attractive female material. And, you know, could do a little light porn, a little Cinemax porn.

13:20 Adam Good times.

13:20 Drew A little something when the detective.

13:22 Adam Did you get the weird trauma feel from her? Detective porn.

13:25 Drew Yeah. Now, just just a little deer in the headlines. It's always a little weird, too, because, hey, how you doing? Hey, great. Well, there you go. Tell you what, this is Hollywood. Sure is. All right. So let's come out. Not fishing for BJ. So that great. OK, fantastic then. Right. Good.

13:49 Adam Then she was relieved, of course.

13:51 Drew So we'll see you soon. Yeah. Got to go. All right.

13:55 Adam That's that's first, your entourage behind you was like, what about us?

14:00 Drew I had I had one husky writer who looked confused. Like, what do you do? Just hook up with people from the radio. Herner, stripper friend.

14:08 Adam I was a stripper friend there.

14:09 Drew Oh, yeah.

14:10 Adam Oh, my.

14:11 Drew It's really you know, you're in Hollywood when you when you end the conversation with. Well, Ryan Seacrest over. He's over that way. So if you want to check that out there, it's over there. We got to head back to the Kimmel show. And there they went.

14:34 Adam And I just should be calling it tonight. Yeah, it was good. I appreciate that. She made me feel welcomed.

14:38 Drew Yeah. Nothing wrong with it.

14:39 Adam She'll call it tonight and talk about her experience. I'm sure.

14:41 Drew All right.

14:41 Well, welcome.

14:43 Drew Kitten's call. Rachel, you're 16.

14:47 Caller Hello. Yeah.

14:49 Drew What's happening?

14:51 Caller Well, my boyfriend wants to have sex and I've never ever had sex before. And I've never even gotten a tampon in. So I really don't know what to do.

15:02 Adam You don't want to have sex, I suspect, then, right?

15:05 Caller I do, but I'm just a little nervous.

15:07 Adam Well, I imagine it's going to be something kind of painful for you. Why would you want to do that?

15:12 Caller I'm not sure. I really don't know what to do. I mean, I love him and everything, and I really want to do it.

15:18 Adam Why do you want to do it?

15:20 Caller Because I care about him, and he's just... He told me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and everything.

15:26 Adam Yeah, how old is he?

15:27 Drew He's 11.

15:30 Adam The rest of my life with you is nonsense. Do not listen to that. Okay. He may even feel it, he may even believe it when he says it, but no, no, no, no. Now you sound like you're just completely unprepared to do this and may have some sort of some vaginismus or some problem there that prevent you from doing it. So until you can really relax and you're really sure it's something you want to do, I would suggest you not even consider it. And it sounds also that the only reason you're even considering it is he is just pounding on you about it and you think somehow it's important to him, therefore you should want to do it. You don't want to do that. Yeah. Be honest with yourself. That's fine. And if indeed he is the man that wants to spend the rest of his life with you, he will hang around. Take your time.

16:20 Drew All right. I found that depressing for some reason. I can't figure out why. What do you want?

16:26 Adam Because we actually helped somebody probably.

16:27 Drew Is that what that was? I was reading Jeremy Piven's biography here.

16:32 Adam That depresses you too because it's so extensive and he works hard. Remember how he works for his jobs?

16:38 Drew I remember that. I remember him flaunting that. I remember throwing that in my face. Oh, by the way, he's a year younger than me and he's done 750,000 movies.

16:49 Adam I think what you could do if you actually hustle a little bit.

16:51 Drew It's crazy.

16:52 Adam I didn't hustle. I just woke up and I moved.

16:55 Drew Let me explain something and you know my policy regarding myself, which is I'm good. Everyone else or most other people aren't that good. Therefore, why should I be great? I could bust my hump and be great, but instead, I could show up too much before the show starts and I don't really work that hard and still be better than ever.

17:16 Adam I don't mean you should necessarily try to, you should work at the jobs you actually get. How about just getting out and getting some jobs?

17:23 Drew I know, but I can't audition.

17:25 Adam I know.

17:26 Drew Because it involves going places and getting in line.

17:30 Adam Hey, speaking of which, you know what?

17:32 Drew You don't always get the gig.

17:33 Adam Right. That's how it works. It's amazing, huh? Hey, listen, that's how the world works, or the rest of us, yeoman. Hey, but listen.

17:40 Drew Suckers, because I'm literally a millionaire.

17:42 Adam Here's the deal. I was driving today and I realized I've started driving a little bit wildly.

17:49 Drew Yeah.

17:49 Adam And I thought, what is this? And in my head is this mantra, move your ass, move your ass.

17:55 Drew Shake your ass.

17:56 Adam Shake your ass. And I'm angry at everybody, and I'm thinking, my God, I wonder if you're having an effect on people.

18:01 Drew No.

18:02 Adam I mean, if you are, you could be getting, well, I'm trying to get, I'm verging on dangerous driving.

18:07 Drew Good.

18:07 Adam Hey, that's not okay.

18:08 Drew That's all right, a little stunt driving. Let me tell you something about cars. Your car has like 30 airbags and 15 crumple zones. You're fine. You're driving basically is like one of those barrels they take down Niagara Falls. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's a capsule.

18:24 Adam You're fine. You've got curtain airbags and stuff.

18:26 Drew Do whatever you want.

18:27 Adam Wait, wait, wait. Do you know if your body goes from 50 miles an hour to stop, your heart is going to tear.

18:33 That's all right.

18:34 Adam Yeah.

18:35 Drew But let me tell you, you don't go. That's why you have a passive restraint system. You don't just have a seatbelt that just belts you in. Your seatbelt will actually give a little, let you go a little and then you hit the airbag and all is forgiven.

18:51 Adam And I've got those braking systems.

18:54 Drew You're fine.

18:57 Adam Shake my ass.

18:58 Drew Your car rolls, it'll probably ride itself.

19:00 Adam Yeah.

19:01 Drew Yeah. So go sick. That's all I'm telling everybody. Look, I understand when you got four bald tires on a VW Squareback and the steering wheel essentially is a spear and all you got between you and the bumper of the car, the T-Bones is a sixteenth of an inch of galvanized sheet metal, you're screwed. But, Drew, anyone drives a new car, you got sidebar protection and crumple zones and skirt airbags and stuff, go out there, get sick, go nuts, you're fine.

19:36 Adam Just wondering if you've influenced the driving in Los Angeles, things have not become perhaps a slight bit less safe.

19:42 Drew No, I'll tell you why. A, no one listens to the show. B, the people I'm talking to definitely don't listen to the show.

19:49 Adam Yeah, but the point is the ones you do are already scooting around pretty good.

19:54 Drew Yeah, well, I'm just I would encourage people to drive recklessly. Tracy?

20:00 Yeah?

20:00 Drew You're 23?

20:04 Caller How's it going? I called tonight because I'm kind of confused about like some, I guess some choices I've made with my relationships with the guys that I'm intimate with. I was dating a guy for like about two years and we were engaged and I found out he was doing heroin and so I left him. He's since over the past like six, seven months has like, like I had to call the cops and like he got put in jail and then he went to like rehab and now he's in like a halfway house and I talk to him and I see him and I realize like I still really care about him and I'd really love to be with him. I want to like believe that people can change because I care about him so much.

20:57 Adam They can, but if you're going to be with him, you have to change too. You must be in a program, you must be either a therapist and or Alan on with a 12-step sponsor otherwise this relationship will bring him back to heroin. I guarantee it.

21:10 Caller Wow, really?

21:12 Adam It's a good thing they fixed the calls last night.

21:13 Drew Yeah.

21:15 Adam We have the same problem tonight as we had last night.

21:17 Drew Oh, who cares?

21:18 Caller Oh, really?

21:19 Drew All right. All right. So here's the thing. If he's in a program and you're in a program and everyone's in a program.

21:26 Adam She's not in a program.

21:27 Drew Well, I know he is though, right?

21:29 Caller Right.

21:30 Drew How long has he been in?

21:31 Caller Since like the beginning of February.

21:37 Adam How's he doing in the program?

21:39 Caller He's been sober since February.

21:42 Adam Yeah. But is he doing the work?

21:47 Caller He is. He was in like a rehab place and now he's in like a halfway house.

21:51 Adam That's all a good sign. But listen, the fit that you had when he was using will still be there if he allows himself to slide back into this relationship. And if he does, it will undo some of the work he does unless you grow to meet him where he's at in his recovery. Because it's a hard concept to understand, but people fit like a hand in glove. And the state he was in when he was using is the state you were in love with and that he might even want to get back to. And you certainly will unconsciously draw him back to unless you yourself change so that hand glove fit is altered in his new, more sort of evolved state.

22:28 Drew All right. I don't know what that means, but I'm sure it was eloquent meant something to her. And it was well said.

22:36 Adam Thank you.

22:36 Drew I just wasn't paying attention.

22:37 Adam Cheers, mate.

22:38 Drew I'm just I'm going through Jeremy Piven's resume here.

22:42 Adam Head exploded three times.

22:43 Drew It's crazy. It's Lucas, One Crazy Summer, Say Anything, The Grifters, The Player, Rugrats, Bob Roberts. There's a lot of good movie singles.

22:57 Adam He was on Ellen Forever.

22:58 Drew He was on Ellen Forever, which wouldn't be a bad name for a show. You know, it just keeps going and going and going and going. It's crazy. There's like 60 movies here. OK, let's take ourselves a little break. Yeah. Ready? Yeah. All right. Engineer Chris is here.

23:17 Caller That's right.

23:21 Drew It's going to Pasadena City College. Drew's going to help pick up, pick out a new fall program for him. Yes. Nobody loves college more than Drew. That's true. Except for, Junior College shouldn't have the word college. We will, but the word junior, I'm okay with that part. It should just be called junior. Yeah, let's move on. We'll, we'll take ourselves a quick break and we'll be right back after this.

23:56 Caller YJ Stinger Extreme Energy Drink, made by the manufacturers of Stacker II, the world's strongest fat burner.

24:32 Drew I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Jeremy Piven, actor, will be in here, and just a couple of few. I'll tell you what, Drew, I had people have been listening, you know, about a week ago, I had this hernia surgery. I peeled like some of the junk off of me, like, you know, bandage-wise. But then, then there's other stuff doesn't seem to be coming off.

24:58 Adam That stuff that's taped down there? Yeah, let it come off by itself.

25:01 Drew Really?

25:01 Adam Yeah, with steris strips.

25:03 Drew They're what?

25:04 Adam Steris strips.

25:05 Drew Sterilizing strips?

25:07 Adam They're just called steris strips, just leave them on.

25:08 Drew But they're not like butterfly bandages?

25:10 Adam They're relative, yeah, they'll fall off on their own.

25:12 Drew So instead of putting a stitch in an incision.

25:15 Adam They may just put a steris strip on there, yeah.

25:17 Drew I think they put a stitch on the inside that dissolves, and then the strip hangs out for a couple of weeks and then falls off. You know, crazy, that's how crazy glue is invented, by the way.

25:28 Adam How?

25:29 Drew To close wounds. They have Vietnam.

25:32 Adam They have a bunch of wounds, glues now too, in addition.

25:34 Drew I mean, if you think about it, take a little crazy glue, put it between your thumb and your forefinger, put them together, you don't get it apart. Now, picture some guy out in the battlefield, just stepped on a bouncing Betty, got a big flap of skin flying all over the place. You're trying to medivac them out of there. A little crazy glue. Yeah, goes from that to the guy with the hard hat stuck to the I-beam.

25:55 Adam Yes.

25:55 Drew Remember him?

25:56 Adam Nice, yeah, the 70s.

25:58 Drew Yeah, it was a good time. All right, so I should let whatever's on me fall off.

26:04 Adam On its own, yes.

26:05 Drew Okay, and let me tell you, look at the belly here, Drew.

26:09 Adam Yeah.

26:09 Drew They could have done a better job.

26:11 Adam With the shaving?

26:11 Drew Yeah.

26:12 Adam They should have just done the whole thing, right? If you're gonna do it, you're gonna do the whole thing. The landing strip there looks a little weird.

26:17 Drew Yeah, it's weird and it goes down and it's very...

26:19 Adam That's enough.

26:20 Drew All right, very catchy.

26:22 Caller Well, part of it's coming.

26:24 Drew Yes, you do have to see my penis. Yes, engineer Chris, come here.

26:29 Adam I can't stand it.

26:31 Drew It's black and blue. It's crazy.

26:34 Adam The penis is black and blue too?

26:35 Drew Yeah. My penis looked like Tyson used it for a speed bag.

26:40 Adam Like a barbershop, polo shop.

26:43 Drew Bumbled, yeah. And the sack, blue. Ashley? Yeah, you know, it looks like it's like a big, big set of purple figs just hanging between my legs.

26:59 Adam Yeah.

27:00 Drew Yeah, it's great. Ashley? Yeah, oh, let me say this too, Drew. How about a little heads up, by the way, when you go in and get your surgery, next day when you're examining your junk, it's gonna be a mess. I mean, you can have a blue sack.

27:18 Adam Well, no, the blue sack, it's not necessarily the case, but yeah.

27:21 Drew Oh, really? Yeah.

27:22 Adam You got one, though.

27:22 Drew That'll go ahead and give you the option, though. You know what I mean?

27:25 Adam Well, they figured you'd know they've been mucking around down there.

27:28 Drew I can do the math, but it's still disconcerting.

27:33 Adam You might say to them some phone calls. You might say to them a couple phone calls, huh?

27:35 Drew That's what I'm saying, yeah. All right, Ashley, go ahead.

27:38 Caller Okay, my boyfriend and I have been going out for three months, and I'm a virgin, and he's not, and he really is pressuring me to have sex with him.

27:47 Adam How old is he? Yeah, you will regret it the rest of your life.

27:52 Drew That's right.

27:53 Adam Yes, you will.

27:54 Drew That's right, and the rest of your life won't be long because he could give you AIDS, and probably will, because let me explain something. I don't care for your white virgin living in Arizona who's 14 years old. You have just as much chance of getting AIDS as if you're manning a glory hole in Tanzania. But there's no difference. There's no difference. I've seen the commercials, Drew. Everyone can get AIDS, and it's all the same. And it's straight, gay, we can't judge. It doesn't matter where you are. It doesn't matter what your culture is. It doesn't matter what kind of bizarre gross activity you're engaging in. It doesn't matter. We could all get AIDS tomorrow. You're heterosexual. You think you're in a monogamous relationship. You better use a condom, mister. You could get yourself AIDS tonight. Do you understand? It's all of us. It's all the same. There's no difference.

28:46 Adam There's this international AIDS conference they're having right now. They're deciding whether or not to allow people to talk about condoms as a way of helping prevent AIDS. It's unbelievable.

28:54 Drew Let me just say something. Here's my international AIDS conference. Hey, all you whackball countries over there, if you want to call yourself countries such as Africa, stop porking and raping everybody. Put the goddamn Jimmy on and shut up. You're not going to get any money from us, you retards. I would just like, here's my AIDS conference. Listen, listen all you screwball countries. Look, see the calendar? 2004, you idiots. I don't know where you guys are. Somewhere in the 50s, 1850s, you're beating the drum, you're looking at the sky. Put the stupid condom on. Stop effing everybody. Let's go. I don't know, somehow AIDS cannot be controlled in Africa, and somehow that's our fault. We did it to them. We're not doing enough for them. How about someone goes over there and yells at them? Attention, attention tards. Knock it off. Oh, no, we've got to figure out a way to convey. Why do we got to figure out a way? What the hell do we do? Why do we invent everything that's bad? And why does every effed up culture around the country and around the world that's doing their own crazy thing, killing themselves, why is that laying in our to-do basket? Why is that in our in-basket? You screwballs want to kill yourselves? Fine. You're not getting any money from us. Why are we bad people for not stopping idiots from doing idiotic things who pray to retarded gods and have bizarre ritualistic things that are millions of years old in a culture that's like, oh, this is Stone Age. Why is that our fault? We have to figure out a way to convince these people. Let them figure it out. Let somebody else figure it out. And by the way, when we figure it out, everyone just gets pissed off at us anyway. Screw you. Here's some condoms. Start using them, you idiots. I don't know what you're doing over there. I don't know. And by the way, we can't judge. We can't judge. Everyone's raping everybody. No one's using protection. Everyone's passing this disease around because they joined at the Doobie Brothers concert. But there's going to be no judging. No, no, it's impossible to judge. I'm judging. You're idiots. Can we start judging? Maybe we should judge. Here's the judgment. Jackoffs. Stop it. You're retards. All right. Are we giving you no money? Jeremy Piven is here, by the way. Yeah, we cannot judge. We can't judge. Everything's the same. All the cultures are the same. It's all great. So Ashley. Yeah, you could get AIDS.

31:29 Adam But, Ashley, AIDS or not, you will.

31:31 Drew Probably going to get AIDS.

31:32 Adam The rest of your life, wish you waited longer. I've never met a woman who had sex at 14 that was glad she had done that. That woman does not exist. Yeah.

31:42 Drew This is a big two years, by the way, the 16 to 14.

31:46 Caller Yeah.

31:47 Adam What's up? What's your other question?

31:48 Caller He says that, because I'm also worried about getting pregnant, and he says that a couple days after my period, there's practically no chance of me getting pregnant.

31:59 Adam Yeah, he's not right. It's less chance, but relax.

32:02 Drew No, he's kind of right. I mean, look, give the guys props.

32:05 Adam We might as well have sex during the period then.

32:08 Drew Yeah.

32:10 Adam All right, just don't do it.

32:11 Drew Please don't do it. Please, everyone stop having sex with me. And the people who I want to watch have sex. Yes, Jeremy Piven here, everybody. How was Kimmel? Did you have a good time?

32:21 Jeremy Piven Kimmel was fantastic.

32:22 Drew Oh, that's good.

32:23 Jeremy Piven Yeah, it is a show. I was listening to your show, and you were saying that it wasn't a show. It's more of a party, but it is a party and a show.

32:29 Drew Yeah.

32:29 Jeremy Piven Together.

32:31 Drew It's a shardy.

32:33 Jeremy Piven Right, it is a shardy. It's a shardy. Yeah.

32:35 Drew I'm enjoying the shardy.

32:36 Jeremy Piven You're going to party like it's a shardy.

32:39 Drew Here's the thing about the Kimmel Show. Lots of people, nobody wants to go home, everyone likes to have a little booze afterward, and after the show, it's like 9 o'clock, everyone's been there since 9.30 in the morning, and no one's going anywhere. They're just hanging around the green room, eating something.

32:56 Adam I've noticed a lot of the guests start hammering before they go on.

33:00 Caller I have noticed that.

33:02 Jeremy Piven The adult beverages are flowing like mud around that place.

33:04 Drew Yeah, it really is. I understand the booze, the weed part. That's the part.

33:11 Adam Let's just snoop.

33:13 Drew No, no, there are guys. There are stand-up comics who blow a spleef and then go out and do an hour and 20 minutes. I'd just go out there, there'd be like 10 seconds of silence, then you'd just see a wet stain in my crotch, and then I would start weeping and I would run. Not go over something.

33:30 Jeremy Piven Everyone reacts differently to THC, which is fascinating to me.

33:35 Drew Yeah, I don't mind getting stoned and going on a road trip or something, but I'm not going to stand in front of 1,300 people and try to do an hour's worth of comedy.

33:43 Adam That's the marijuana addict thing, which is that they feel more effective, and they feel quite focused and less anxious, and that's why they use that drug, because it works for them.

33:52 Drew I'm always amazed that they do that.

33:57 Jeremy Piven I've never taken an herbal medication, but I have a friend who, when they take it, instead of getting hungry, they don't get hungry. Yeah, and it actually increases their energy instead of dulls it.

34:12 Adam That's common.

34:13 Jeremy Piven Really?

34:13 Drew It is? Well, like, black guys don't get hungry when they get stoned.

34:18 Jeremy Piven What does that mean?

34:19 Drew I'm telling you.

34:20 Jeremy Piven Strange comment.

34:21 Drew Well, here's what I'm saying. No, I figured this out. White guys get the munchies. Black guys, you don't see, you don't see, first off, Snoop Dogg smokes two kilos of weed a day. He's 130 pounds, he's 6'4.

34:35 Adam And you've never seen him with a brown...

34:36 Drew You don't see black guys getting stoned like...

34:38 Jeremy Piven He's like 48% whippet. He's not an African American, by the way.

34:41 Drew You may be right, but the point is, black guys don't get stoned and go, we gotta go on a run. We gotta go on a burger run. They don't. They just get stoned and they hang out. They don't eat.

34:54 Jeremy Piven I see a lot of the brothers at In-N-Out Burger.

34:56 Drew But they're eating... I'm not saying a black man can't eat when he's stoned. I'm saying white guys get stoned and get the munchies. White guys go like, we're going now. We're stoned, we're going to eat. Black guys like, we're stoned. If it's lunch, we're eating. If it's not, we're just gonna keep smoking more weed. But they don't get the munchie thing that the white man gets. We're weaker. I'm saying we're inferior race that way. We're slave to the drug.

35:21 Adam We're slave to the monkey.

35:22 Jeremy Piven And you're a show or not a grower. Is that what you're saying?

35:24 Drew That's what I'm saying.

35:25 Jeremy Piven Wait a minute, what?

35:26 Drew I don't know what that is. But I will smoke some weed on stage.

35:30 Adam By the way, Jeremy, Adam is still ruminating about the last time you were here when you announced how hard you work for every audition. I was heartbroken. He's not gotten over that. The idea of work, Adam, is a very touchy subject.

35:42 Drew Last time Jeremy Piven was on this program, I said to him, how is it that you've made 50 films in the last 17 years? He said, I work very hard at the audition process.

35:58 Adam Everyone.

35:58 Drew I get off copy, I get the script, I memorize it, I work it. I work it with my coach sometimes. I go in there and I hit it out of the ballpark. I impress people and I was sickened by that.

36:10 Adam He barfed that night. He threw up later on that same night.

36:12 Drew I was hoping.

36:13 Jeremy Piven Was it a turning point in your life or you don't care?

36:15 Adam I rebelled.

36:15 Drew I turn against you. It works less. Yeah, I work less. I thought you were going to say your dad was the king of show business. Or something like that. That would be easier for you. It would be so much easier if you just said your dad was the mayor of show business.

36:33 Jeremy Piven But if you also challenged yourself, you would probably go to the next level. That's what happens with everyone.

36:37 Drew I know, but I don't want to challenge myself. That's what I'm saying. I'm looking for ways to not challenge myself.

36:46 Adam Adam's idea is about efficiency, not about work. Efficiency of movement, of breath, of thought.

36:53 Drew I would go on an audition. If they would guarantee me, I would get the part before I did the audition.

36:58 Adam Then you would say, why do I need to go?

36:59 Drew That's right.

37:00 Adam You would not go.

37:01 Jeremy Piven It's a festival of humiliation to walk in those rooms and dance for YD.

37:05 Adam No, that's not the issue. The issue is just getting off his tush and going.

37:10 Jeremy Piven Do you know what it is?

37:11 Drew Yes.

37:12 Jeremy Piven If you did do it, put the work in and then...

37:16 Adam He's already lost you. He's gone.

37:17 Jeremy Piven Okay. But what I'm saying is, just for the hell of it, just step out there and do it, you would ultimately be so gratifying, you might kind of almost get addicted to it.

37:26 Drew But do you still, and I know the answer is yes, you still go out on auditions, but after your resume reading, I mean, there's not a casting agent alive that isn't incredibly familiar with your work. At a certain point, they just go, Jeremy Piven will work nicely here, and let's just go get him.

37:47 Jeremy Piven Yeah, and this is going to make you, I'm sorry, but more sick. Okay, here it comes.

37:52 Adam He insists on the audition.

37:54 Jeremy Piven No, you imagine. I insist on working. I will not take the job. I need to prove it, my good man. No, here's what happens. I'm not kidding now.

38:05 Adam He doesn't take charity, Adam. He has to work for his life.

38:08 Drew I'm going to have some water.

38:10 Jeremy Piven Okay. I didn't get a job one time, went in there and busted my ass, and then I was really confused about it, and someone showed me the breakdown, and it said Jeremy Piven type is what they were looking for. Yes, so I have not gotten the job when it said Jeremy Piven type. So it happens. Okay, this will make you feel better. Entourage, I did not have to audition for. But here's what happened, which is interesting. They said come in and read for it, and initially it was ensemble piece, and it would be maybe a couple scenes a week, and really like kind of a sixth lead kind of a vibe. And I did Larry Sanders, a regular on Larry Sanders, ten years ago doing, and I loved that show, and I figured, you know what, I'd love to meet these guys and talk about it, but I don't want to go on audition. That's where I put my foot down. And my agency at the time, William Moore said, no, you got to go in and dance for Whitey. You got to do it. And I said, you guys, let's play hardball with them. Finally they did. I went in and met with them for a while. And you auditioned? No, no, we just went, met, kicked it around, talked about the role, and then I got a call from my agent saying, well, two things. I said, what? They go, number one, they want to offer you the role. Number two, they want to make the show about you. Which is really interesting, because, but eight minutes ago they were like, you got to come in and dance for Whitey. That's it. And so I finally put my foot down, and at a certain point, and I think maybe I'm kind of almost at that point now, where I've got to stand up for myself and say, yeah, I've put some work out there, and here's my reel, take a look at it, and let's sit down and kick around ideas about the show.

39:41 Drew And there's a difference between doing TV and doing movies, too.

39:45 Adam Now, you're not actually playing the partner of a Endeavor talent agency.

39:51 Jeremy Piven No, it's so interesting.

39:52 Adam The paper was explicit about it today.

39:55 Jeremy Piven No, she duped me. Here's what they said to me. We're doing an article about entourage, and we're skewing it more towards you. We really dig some of the stuff you did in the show. I said, great. We sit down, all of a sudden, I pick up the paper, and it's the stuff about Ari Emanuel. I mean, they duped us. Look, Mark Wahlberg's agent is Ari Emanuel, right? If you see this character, you know, and if you know Ari, you know, this isn't, I'm not stealing all of Ari's stuff. The thing is, you can get an inspiration for an agent any way, if the three of us went out tonight, we can run into 14 agents, you know, in the next hour, and all of them can, you know, be inspiring in terms of grabbing different things. This is, you write about the truth as you know, and you play it through.

40:35 Adam Adam has always been inspired by agents. Those are the words that go together.

40:38 Jeremy Piven I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Not inspired by them, but if you indeed were playing one, you know, you spend a few minutes with them, you know, and they say things like, you know, let's put a pin in that idea, you know, I hope we're on the same page. You know, listen, let's put you on a short list. I like that. They say things like that and they twitch a lot.

40:54 Drew Piven.

40:54 Jeremy Piven Right, at the end of the day, I want to wear a buttery sweater and be in the Jeremy Piven business, you know.

40:59 Drew Piven will roll over in bed for under $50K, all right?

41:02 Jeremy Piven They cross their arms, they twitch a lot, and they don't care about you, and it's an interesting, you know.

41:07 Drew Listen, I make my agent call me Babydoll. I like it. James Babydoll Dixon, he calls me Babydoll. That's what I insist on. All right, we got to take a break.

41:18 Jeremy Piven Is your agency Epsilon Bar? What's the name of your agency?

41:23 Drew I like that. We'll take ourselves a little break. Jeremy Piven is here. Entourage, name of the show. Sunday, July 18th. That is this Sunday, HBO. Ten o'clock, going to be the next big HBO hit. We will take ourselves a break and we'll be right back.

41:38 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

41:40 Drew Thanks. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1, Jeremy Piven here tonight. Entourage, name of the new show, 10 o'clock on HBO Sunday night, coming up this Sunday, premiering this Sunday. And I don't, you know, it's like, I don't know if anyone's gonna catch HBO anymore. I mean, like, they won, like, you know, nominated for like 100 Emmys last year, like ABC, got four, and they were in the technical categories and stuff. Like, is it, it-

42:42 Adam This is a smart idea, this show.

42:44 Drew It is, well, most of their ideas, most of the things they do are smart, or at least, if they're not smart, they're so well executed that they're incredibly watchable. It doesn't matter whether it's, you know, 10 feet under or sopranos or whatever, six feet under, sorry, or sopranos or whatever. But the point is, is, you know, I wonder if... Here's what I think about when I think about HBO versus, you know, Networx, ABC and stuff like that. It's sort of like what the Japanese were doing to the car market in the early 70s. It's like these little fuel-efficient little things started creeping in, and the Americans were very cocky about like, oh, we'll just keep making big gas-guzzling ugly pieces of, and these things started trickling in, and it was like, eh, don't worry. Before, you know, they had 80% of the market because nobody made a move, and then they started to make a move, and by then, they were a day late and a dollar short, and now, 20 years later, they're sort of catching back up. I wonder what the Networx need to do, and if they're seeing this, and what they're doing about it.

43:52 Jeremy Piven Well, what's fascinating to me is the Networx don't even seem to look at their own history, to learn kind of like what works and what doesn't. They don't even study like their own evolution. I mean, if you look at the shows that are the most successful, Seinfeld, all these shows out of the gate were not hits. None of them. They stayed with it. They had some faith in them, but unfortunately, now the turnover rate is so fast with these executives that are running the network. They've got to make moves fast, so they can't kind of stick their necks out as they think of it and get behind a show and move it around until it catches on. Cable can, and what HBO does, and I almost feel like I manifested this job just because I'm such a fan of the HBO shows right now.

44:46 Drew Everything's good.

44:47 Jeremy Piven It really is so unbelievably watchable, and I follow them all. I mean, I remember being at the premiere of Six Feet Under, and Alan Ball was saying he got one note from HBO, and that was to make it edgier. Can you imagine a network saying that? It just doesn't happen. They celebrate the creators, and also I will say that they, because being on Larry Sanders 10 years ago, they get out.

45:12 Adam You've been on for 10 years now?

45:13 Jeremy Piven Yeah.

45:14 Adam Done 10 years?

45:15 Jeremy Piven No, no, no, no. I was on it, it started 10 years ago.

45:18 Drew Right, it didn't finish 10 years ago.

45:19 Jeremy Piven And I did the first few years, yeah.

45:21 Drew It finished 13 years ago, don't ask me. It's weird, it's weird not to move backwards.

45:27 Jeremy Piven It's TV math, TV math is crazy.

45:29 Drew Did Larry Sanders start on, was it HBO or Showtime?

45:33 Jeremy Piven It started on HBO, it was, you know, it was, you know, correct me if I'm wrong, but it was kind of the show that kind of kicked off original programming on HBO. And in the beginning, we couldn't book anyone. And it was just tough because it was like, what's that show? We were trying to, you know, book people from the behind the scenes stuff. You couldn't get anyone to do it. And it caught on and then it was great. But not a lot of people had HBO back in the day. And now, you know, I've been on a bunch of shows before, but I've never, ever in all the shows I've done, ever had a lead in like this. You know, Six Feet Under, this is a great celebrated show. Yeah, so it's kind of amazing. And they do get out of your way. I think the variable with HBO is they, you know, They're ashamed to let them run. They do. They're choosy. You know, I mean, there's one show they picked up for the season and it's entourage. And they kind of like, let us do our thing. And they definitely had notes, but they're not there on the set all the time, breathing down your neck. You feel like you have, you know, room to breathe.

46:30 Drew Right. And one of those suits is, Drew and I call them, ever really added anything to any project. All right. Let's talk to Lacey for like 10 seconds and then we'll go to break. Lacey? You're 15?

46:47 Caller Uh-huh.

46:48 Drew You hate your controlling dad.

46:50 Caller Eh, kind of. Yeah, I've got to give you a bit of more coverage on that.

46:57 Adam Yeah, we'll have to talk after the break.

47:01 Drew We run late and then we get up to the end of the hour.

47:04 Adam And then you take a call, wisely.

47:05 Drew Oh, because you know why? Because when the program director yells at me, I can technically say we did take a call this break, even if it was us telling Lacey to hang on because we didn't have time for her. So hang on, Lacey. All right? Uh-huh. All right, Jeremy Piven here tonight from Entourage HBO on Sunday nights, 10 o'clock. Take a quick break and we'll be right back.

47:30 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal. Looking to hook up? Call the Dateline. Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:35 Drew Call the Dateline.

47:36 Caller One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline. One eight seven seven eight eight nine.

47:42 Caller You know what I'm saying, I'm there.

47:44 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline. This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

47:51 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

48:29 Hey, everybody.

48:31 Drew It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Jeremy Piven is here tonight, the busiest man in show business, and nice transition back to television. I mean, I would say a guy's done as many features as Jeremy has done, and then as many television shows as Jeremy has done. Going back to television and doing it on HBO, and doing it Sunday night, the coveted Sunday night slot, 10 o'clock. Entourage is a good way to get back into television, and Jeremy, I think I brought this up last time we were here. We worked on a project together called the Judgement Night. Jeremy was in that.

49:13 Jeremy Piven Natalie, it's now getting a big push on DVD.

49:17 Drew I should go get that. Yeah, because Jeremy was actually in the movie, and I was next to the movie as one of the stand-ins for one of the bad guys in Judgement Night.

49:31 Adam This was what, 19?

49:32 Drew I would say 93.

49:34 Adam 93.

49:35 Drew Could have been 92, could have been 93. Jeremy was in it.

49:38 Adam You take a note, Chris? He was 29 at the time.

49:41 Drew Dennis Leary was in it. Cuba Gooding Jr. was in it. Emilio Estevez was in it. And Everlast from House of Pain, one of the bad guys. I was one of the bad guys, stand-in. Stand-in, kush gig, by the way. If you're lazy, you just stand there. You literally, it's got the word stand in it.

50:03 Adam Then you go to the cart, the food.

50:05 Drew Then you just go eat. And if you're smart, you get one of the other stand-ins to work the watch, which is, I'm gonna take a nap over here by the catering truck, come get me, if they come screaming. Because if you don't show up, they get PO'd.

50:20 Jeremy Piven See, but is it, answer me truthfully, would it be more fun just to be a piece of veal? You know what I mean? Because that's what it seems like. And I know that you break into a sweat when you start talking about work, but ultimately the highs are really high, but standing in and just standing around like cattle then going and grazing, the payoffs aren't so great.

50:44 Drew I'll tell you the rush of standing in and if you haven't experienced the sheer, it's a pure adrenaline, it's a pure shot of adrenaline. When that director yells, hey, what's your face over here? Come here. And then you stand there. And for me, it was funny because I was-

51:01 Adam Isn't there a youth, don't they go second team?

51:03 Drew Second team, second team. Yeah, they should just call you JV. I was standing, I only got the gig because my buddy, Robbie Levine, was the like second AD on the movie. Jewish guy in the industry, Drew. Point is, is he got me the gig out of the goodness of his own heart. And I was standing in for a guy who was four inches taller than and who had hair down to the back of his, middle of his back. And I had a short haircut. And I just remember the lighting director the first day I showed up just sort of slowly scanning the group. If you remember, like the guy who stood in for Dennis Leary looked exactly like Dennis Leary. You kind of have to look like the guy so they can light you. Yeah. Your height, your build, your hairstyle, whatever. I looked here. He like, he did that move where he, he panned across, he passed me and then went back to me and gave me like a, who are, and then somebody like yelled something and he gave me like a, listen, whatever. I could just stand there.

52:02 Jeremy Piven You've been freaking that guy out ever since.

52:04 Drew I'm sure like, how did the guy with the short hair who's 6'2 get the stand-in job for the guy who's 5'8 and no long hair?

52:12 Jeremy Piven And now why is he talking about sexual disorders and he's, and he's a celebrity, he's living the dream and I'm lighting a tampon commercial. See what happens?

52:21 Drew That's right, he's lighting a tampon commercial.

52:23 Jeremy Piven Wait, but by the way, speaking of that, I just bought a house.

52:26 Drew You did?

52:27 Jeremy Piven Yeah, and I was talking with your buddy about this on national television this evening. A lot of terrible mishaps happened. One of them being that direct TV keeps threatening to actually come to my home and install something for me, and I want to give them US currency, but they refuse to actually show up. So I'll wait five, six hours, and they just don't show up, and the joke's on me. And I just want to have some channels so that I can watch my show, or maybe have some friends over. But apparently that's not right for them, and I can't figure it out.

52:55 Adam Here's the, unfortunately, the worst news. If you instead invite a cable company over, you'll be like a skeleton with your clothes hanging. You'll be gone.

53:05 Drew You'll be dead by the time they show up.

53:06 Adam You'll look like Grim Reaper by the time they show up.

53:08 Drew Here's the thing. The cable, okay, don't get me started, but the cable, first off, years ago, before there was satellite, there was only cable. And the window, like you would call the cable company, and they'd literally say 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. You sit there and wait. Is the window. And it'd be like, I gotta go to work. And they'd be like, yeah, no, we got like a 14-hour window. And I said, that's not a window. That's a sliding door. That's a huge opening. That's not a window. But a window is a small opening in the side of something. That's a gaping hole. That's what the iceberg did, that the Titanic-sized mammoth hole, by the way. And they're like, yeah, well, that's it. And by the way, this wasn't for tomorrow. This was two weeks. And I was like, don't you guys have, do you have ledgers and books and things where you can put like dates and times? Do you have anything that you could write stuff down? I mean, what a job where you just tell people, look, I'll have a guy somewhere between a sunup and sundown two weeks from now, maybe, Fiv, everything lines up.

54:14 Jeremy Piven I've been waiting around. And when you continue, because although I'm on a show called Entourage, I don't have an entourage. I don't have an assistant. I don't have a heretic consultant or a blazer consultant or integrity consultant. So I sit at my own home waiting and the joke has been on me repeatedly. And so the second day after waiting for that six hour gaping wound, gash hole, the jokes on you situation, I decided to take a little bit of a run. So I started running down my street and every van that would pass me, I started screaming at thinking that they would possibly be direct TV. So they actually made me insane. Now I'm a guy who literally just runs up and down my street.

54:51 Adam Yelling at fans.

54:54 Jeremy Piven I'm screaming Verizon, I'm not even waiting for Verizon. Anyway, so but I'm gonna loop it around here.

54:59 Drew It's heroin. They know they have you. What are you gonna do? What, watch you PN? You know what I'm saying? They know they got you by the short hairs. That's the thing. It's like, they realize they're the candy man. They're heroin, you wait for them.

55:12 Jeremy Piven I know.

55:13 Adam You finally get arrested, they come around.

55:15 Jeremy Piven They never came around. Nothing happened. I have nothing. I have no, no.

55:19 Adam Where's your home?

55:21 Jeremy Piven I bought a home. So the good news is I live in Malibu. So I'm living the dream. You know, so I have a nice house with, with no television. And they also shut, shut my water off. I can complain about a lot of stuff, but I don't care. But I will, I do celebrate indoor plumbing, but I don't have it. But here is something, I walked outside of my house and I was like, I'm doing a movie right now about the competitive world of Bar Mitzvah. Lucky 13, and it's really, really funny and great. And my father being played by Gary Marshall, left my character 15 years ago and abandoned me. And I'm very bitter and I've, I've, you know, never kind of resolved it. And, and he come, and my son who's going to have this Bar Mitzvah, you know, invites him to it, unbeknownst to me. He shows up. I haven't seen him for 15 years with his new girlfriend, Darryl Hannah, who's brilliant in this thing. Plays this kind of spiritually enlightened kind of chick who's just wandering around, sacred feather. And so I walk outside of my house and I was like, oh my God, there's Darryl right there. And I was like, hey, Darryl, and I walk up to Darryl. And it turns out this is girl named Irelie, who lives in Malibu, who is Darryl Standen. And I just, and literally she is an absolute dead ringer. And at that, in that day, they were looking for a double for Darryl because she had to be naked in a jacuzzi with Gary Marshall, which is an interesting concept. She needs the double.

56:37 Drew Yeah.

56:38 Jeremy Piven Well, no, Gary doesn't need a double. It is exactly what it is.

56:45 Drew I didn't know she was shy, by the way, Darryl, Hannah.

56:48 Jeremy Piven So the end of the story is she is not shy. She's a lovely, unbelievably talented, beautiful woman who has long luscious hair to cover her areolas. Is that the word?

56:58 Drew That's it. That's what they are. I like them big. That's me. I'm one of the few guys who's into that. That's all right. Let's keep going. I'm a fan. I like it. It's size of the satellite dish that you never got.

57:07 Jeremy Piven Wow. Well, why do men have nipples? Why do men have them? Yeah.

57:15 Adam All mammals have them. We just didn't evolve them away.

57:18 Drew We're working on it though.

57:19 Adam We're working on that.

57:20 Drew My son's going to be born with one and it's going to be on his forehead. Let's take some calls. Come on, buddy. Jeremy Piven's here. And I'll tell you. Yeah.

57:30 Jeremy Piven I'm clapping right now.

57:31 Drew Here's the problem with Jeremy Piven. He loves the sound of his own voice. I love the sound of his own voice. I love the sound of my own voice.

57:37 Jeremy Piven See, but you can say my name. No one actually knows who I am.

57:40 Drew They do. They do now.

57:41 Jeremy Piven We may have to tell them where they know me from. Cause I swear to God, when I was calling DirecTV, they kept saying, okay, here's the deal, Mr. Tiven. They kept calling Mr. Tiven and they said, Mr. Piven, we'll have a, we don't, we can't find him. Mr. Piven. It's Piven, it's Piven. It's Craig Tiven, Jeremy Piven, Francis Piven.

58:02 Drew There's a professor picked up the phone. Here's the thing. There's some sort of, there's some sort of, some sort of cosmic law that people that you need help from over the phone never know who you are. And security guys never know who you are. Like anybody standing.

58:17 Jeremy Piven And the girl who you really want to talk to, she'll never know.

58:21 Drew Right. She doesn't know either.

58:22 Jeremy Piven No, there's no way.

58:23 Drew So those are the three people. All right. Other than that, you're, you're huge. Lazy. You're a 15. So you, you have, you have a controlling dad.

58:36 Caller More manipulative, really kind of crazy.

58:39 Drew You're 15 and you sound older. You sound angry.

58:43 Caller Uh, not really. I just kind of, a lot of stuff happened and everything when I was little that kind of, yeah, kind of messed, messed me up. I'm in counseling just so you know.

58:53 Drew What happened?

58:55 Caller Basically my dad had an affair and he was giving the woman, he was saying like $500 each time they met. So it put us like $50,000 in debt. So we've kind of got a problem with that. And yeah.

59:10 Drew Well, that's, that's called seeing a prostitute. That's not having an affair.

59:14 Adam That's what I was thinking.

59:15 Caller Well, he's trying to impress her and everything. Make it, make it seem like he was rich, I guess. I don't know. But a while after he moved out and everything and they got the divorce, my parents, my sister was diagnosed autistic.

59:32 Drew So she, hold on, don't you get that label slapped on you pretty early?

59:39 Adam A couple of years old.

59:40 Drew It takes a while?

59:41 Caller She was four when they diagnosed her, but she's, really they call it, there's probably an Asperger's syndrome, really, right? No, not really. She was like a normal kid and everything until she was two. And then she just like stopped with talking. She stopped talking and she just kind of cut off eye contact and she didn't really like being around people.

1:00:02 Drew Autism kicks in that way? I thought you weren't just born with it.

1:00:06 Caller No, it kicks in.

1:00:07 Adam It sort of kicks in sometimes. People believe that it might have something to do with some environmental agent or something.

1:00:13 Caller They think it's to do with vaccinations.

1:00:15 Adam Well, that actually has been ruled out. That has been finally ruled out as a cause.

1:00:21 Drew Really? Hold on one second. I've been talking about this at the Kimmel Show with the writers. And if I ever get another gig, first thing I do is I'm going to let the boss know that I have a kid at home with special needs.

1:00:33 Adam Because you have to leave early.

1:00:34 Drew Whatever. And I'll play that card like four times a week.

1:00:37 Adam And don't have to go to auditions, then, I suspect.

1:00:39 Drew And I'm just saying, if you...

1:00:41 Jeremy Piven How does that work?

1:00:42 Drew I don't think it's a good thing. I don't think it's a good thing.

1:00:46 Adam Since when do you have to take those kinds of things into consideration?

1:00:48 Drew Huge dividends. When you do that knock on the boss's door with the back of the finger, where the door's cracked open and you lean in and, Phil, can I talk to you a second? Yeah. Marshall's not having a real good day. Say no more. Say no more. Say no more. And I just leave.

1:01:02 Adam It's sort of in the same category as women problems. Female problems.

1:01:06 Drew Yeah. Women starts talking about...

1:01:07 Adam Men's season things.

1:01:09 Drew You can leave. Yeah. I'm just saying, I agree with Jeremy. It's not great from a karma standpoint, but practically, it's huge. It's effective. It's effective. If you start a new job and you just let it be known, and you can be ambiguous, just say that you have a special needs child at home. Marshall's a strong name.

1:01:30 Jeremy Piven I have a special needs child. Maybe your inner child has special needs, which you do. You seem like you do.

1:01:35 Drew You don't have to make it clear.

1:01:37 Jeremy Piven So you're not actually lying.

1:01:39 Drew There's a child that has special needs. And by the way...

1:01:42 Jeremy Piven And then when they say you don't have a child with special needs, you say, semantics, fuckface. Oops. Is that wrong?

1:01:51 Drew The F part was, yeah. The notion was the strong one.

1:01:55 Jeremy Piven What happens when I say that?

1:01:57 Adam Somebody bleeps it out somewhere.

1:01:59 Drew And you have to leave. No, no, no.

1:02:02 Adam You get to stay.

1:02:02 Drew I know because you want to leave. It's like a date with a fat chick. We're going to have to cut a shirt. Great, Lord. You hear the car peeling out. That's like a threatening people. I'd like to get the hell home and cuss and peace.

1:02:18 Jeremy Piven We've got to go wait for the duty guy. Do you ultimately get punished for that kind of stuff?

1:02:22 Drew For profanity?

1:02:23 Jeremy Piven Yeah.

1:02:24 Drew No, because we have we will we will the engineer will drop that out.

1:02:28 Adam And also there's like a 17 second delay on the show.

1:02:30 Drew Also, we're we're we're in what we call Safe Harbor, which is 10 o'clock at night, which is we only we exclusively have 13 year olds listening to the show. But somehow we can say whatever we want at this time. And, you know, Howard Stern can't say what he wants at eight thirty in the morning when they're all heading to school.

1:02:48 Jeremy Piven Wasn't it 11 seconds before Janet Jackson?

1:02:50 Adam It was seven seconds before that.

1:02:52 Drew Oh, we it was like six or seven. We keep getting them. We are ours is up to two days. This show actually airs actually airs Friday.

1:03:01 Adam It's spring.

1:03:01 Jeremy Piven Is it funny? Do they make it funny?

1:03:04 Drew We clean it up, but it's only 11 minutes long. Yeah, we tighten it up.

1:03:08 Jeremy Piven That's fantastic.

1:03:09 Drew Yeah.

1:03:09 Jeremy Piven Is it? Do we still have a caller?

1:03:11 Drew Yes, we do. So all I'm saying is, is if you got if you got a new job, let let the boss know you have someone at home.

1:03:19 Adam What we're talking to Lacey.

1:03:20 Drew That's that's all I'm saying.

1:03:21 Adam We forgot.

1:03:22 Drew All right, Lacey.

1:03:22 Adam So she's mad at her dad, the cheating dad.

1:03:25 Caller Yeah. And so basically when we got my sister, her name Sammy, when we got her all figured out for that. Good.

1:03:35 Adam She was autistic, right?

1:03:37 Caller Yeah. Well, so my dad put us in a lot of debt and everything. So my mom kind of had to work a lot so that she could keep us pretty much off the street. Yeah. We have, we had like a really wealthy, like my great grandfather and he kind of helped us out here and there. But my mom didn't really like write it. Like, you know, like it was.

1:03:59 Drew All right, hold on. I can't take any more, Lacey. I'll tell you what I'm hearing with Lacey. Someone is really angry. And, you know, we talk to people all day who are physically abused, sexually abused, ritualistically abused. Lacey stuff like her dad, not a great guy. Lacey didn't have it as bad as Lacey has it in her. She's really angry. Yeah. And I don't know what it, I don't know why she's going this route.

1:04:22 Adam Let's just, what is the, let's get to the question here.

1:04:25 Drew Go ahead, Lacey.

1:04:27 Caller Well, so my mom was working and everything, and I was kind of helping out with my sister. And I know, I know, I know, I know. I'm not going to say that yet.

1:04:42 Drew Is that your mom?

1:04:43 Caller Yeah. She wanted to come in and everything. And I thought she was going to say that, you see, you see, they're saying you're angry, huh? Because she says that a lot.

1:04:51 Drew Yeah, we are. Put her on the phone. Let me talk to her.

1:04:54 Adam Come on, Lacey, please.

1:04:58 Caller Just a moment.

1:04:59 Adam Mom?

1:04:59 Drew I want to give you tips on the special needs thing.

1:05:01 Adam Yeah, I know.

1:05:02 Caller Come here.

1:05:03 Drew Mom left.

1:05:05 Adam Ran out screaming.

1:05:10 Drew First off, that's letting your kid call this show is I consider abuse, by the way. Hello, Lacey's mom?

1:05:17 Caller Yeah, this is her mom.

1:05:17 Adam All right.

1:05:18 Drew And you've been saying Lacey's angry as well, right?

1:05:22 Caller One of our issues is I've been trying to have her have a relationship with her dad because I think it's for the best interest in her well-being to have a father figure.

1:05:35 Adam She's carrying resentments, very heavy. She strikes us as somebody who's been a little bit parentalized, you know, that she sort of had to carry a burden early, didn't get maybe what the childhood needs met.

1:05:46 Drew Well, she has a Sammy, her sister.

1:05:48 Adam Yeah, she had to take care of her and carry a burden that was undoubtedly difficult and traumatizing. But at some point, the resentments will eat her up alive.

1:05:56 Caller Oh, that's what I try to tell her that regardless of the one thing that she wants to share with Adam is her dad. Yes, she doesn't want me to because she says Adam will not stop ranting. Her dad is a cable guy in LA.

1:06:12 Adam Well, no, no, he'll just want to try to set Jeremy up. Jeremy hooked up here.

1:06:18 Caller He just didn't want me to say it because he was kind of ranting about it before she got on.

1:06:23 Drew I'll love my daughter between 6 a.m. and when the streetlights come on.

1:06:28 Adam Two weeks from Friday.

1:06:29 Drew Two weeks from Friday.

1:06:30 Caller Exactly. Exactly.

1:06:33 Drew So look, here's the thing. When your daughter called, she's 15, she sounded like she was 35.

1:06:40 Adam It's that parentalization.

1:06:41 Drew That's that grew up too early, too fast, whatever. Yeah, that anger, she's going to carry that into a relationship with men and she's going to hook up with a philanderer.

1:06:49 Adam You may not be able to identify as anger. It's hard to focus on it as a resentment for her. Resentments are things you can let go.

1:06:55 Caller Right.

1:06:55 Adam And she should find a way to do that, to make her life narrative her own and something that she can live with.

1:07:00 Drew And was this guy, was your, hold on a second, was your husband really spending 500 bucks a pop on his girlfriend?

1:07:07 Caller Yes. He was trying. Well, she was the smartest girl in the world because he drove a Toyota to herself and she believed that he had money because he was giving her money.

1:07:16 Drew How day did he get 500 bucks to give her?

1:07:19 Caller He put us in debt, a lot of debt. We had good credit at the time and he basically borrowed it to get us into a bad situation.

1:07:27 Drew All right.

1:07:28 Adam Is he an alcoholic or drug addict or something? Yeah, that's addict behavior, that kind of stuff.

1:07:33 Caller Yeah, she was, it's basically a lot of pornography and stuff that he got into.

1:07:38 Drew Imagine what this guy was doing to the panty drawers of every house he went into to install the cable. Just rifling through there like a raccoon in a dumpster.

1:07:49 Jeremy Piven I'll put a panty sale in front of my house if they come and fix my cable. I don't care. Tell them to come to my house, man.

1:07:54 Drew Are you kidding, man? Imagine that guy just like a couple of chick roommates living in an apartment. He's going to put some cable in.

1:08:03 Adam You guys go take care of things.

1:08:04 Drew You guys go to the market? You run down the line of room? I'll just be putting in some coaxial. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, coaxial, probably just diving into the bedroom, just taking everything, just burying his head in the hamper, dancing with soiled panties on his head. Actually, I would do that.

1:08:24 Adam I know. I think you're sort of acting like a fantasy of your own out here.

1:08:29 Drew Maybe that was becoming too cathartic. But listen, Lacey's mom?

1:08:33 Caller Yeah.

1:08:35 Drew You got yourself out of this bad situation. Yeah, Lacey should repair her relationship with her father, but maybe her father should be going to SA or something like that.

1:08:43 Adam And maybe she should go to a little Al-Anon or something, something where she can sort of come to terms with it.

1:08:46 Caller He doesn't feel like he has a problem. And my question for you and her issue with me is, I want her to try and have a relationship with him, and she doesn't want to. And I want to know, should that be something that I should try to have her have with him, or should I let it be?

1:09:04 Adam Let it gently keep the pressure up. Teach her about sexual addictions and where those come from. If she can see him as an injured human being who is acting something out, the fact that he doesn't want to get better, or on your all behalf get better, that's something certainly she could feel bad about. But to let the resentment eat her up and then becomes a focus of how she deals with men, yeah, it's going to be bad times.

1:09:26 Drew Look, my sister hated my dad from 7 to 37. I mean, she really hated him for maybe 25 years. I'm exaggerating. Really nothing you can do. Once they get that resentment going, they just build the case and then they keep the case alive and it never ends. I don't think you can push her toward it. What you can push her toward is acting like a 15-year-old, enjoying other guys, realizing that everyone with a penis isn't like daddy, and having normal relationships and smiling once in a while. And watch Entourage, by the way.

1:10:05 Jeremy Piven It's a genius segue. I love it.

1:10:09 Drew Ten o'clock.

1:10:11 Jeremy Piven One thing I have learned, and I'm still single, so I guess listen to nothing that I say, is that one of the first questions I ask if I go out with a woman is, what is your relationship like with your father? Yeah, because otherwise, I mean, I know what you're in for. Yeah.

1:10:30 Drew That's it. And it's true. And for a guy, what's your relationship like with your mom is a decent question, but it's not the end all and be all. For women, what was your relationship like with your dad, or what is your relationship like with your dad? That's about all you need.

1:10:48 Adam Man, what was your upbringing like with your parents? How do you feel about them? Have your previous girlfriends been where they've been live? Have your relationships gone?

1:10:57 Drew What's dad like? How's your relationship with him? Do you do anal? Those are my two. I just go right, I do those two. I do the anal one and I do the dad one.

1:11:07 Adam That's all you need.

1:11:08 Drew Yeah. And by the way, if surf and turf is on the menu, it's not. Do you know what I'm saying? It's not an option. You get to surf or the turf, but the surf and the turf, not both. No, not both. I don't need both.

1:11:21 Adam So it's anal, just anal is fine, but...

1:11:23 Drew Just anal. Okay, here's what. If you like your dad and you do anal, you can get surf and turf. That's the triangle. I call it the pyramid.

1:11:32 Adam Yeah, Corolla's pyramid of hierarchies, hierarchy of needs. It's the first day pyramid.

1:11:37 Drew I call it the first day pyramid.

1:11:38 Adam Nutritional pyramid.

1:11:40 Drew Jeremy Piven is here tonight. He subscribes to the Corolla pyramid theory as it comes to dating. I think the anal is at the top, or it might be at the bottom. Actually, it's at the bottom right corner.

1:11:51 Jeremy Piven Well, actually, it's become the Bermuda Triangle now.

1:11:53 Drew That's right. I call it the Devil's Triangle.

1:11:55 Adam Self-actualization at the top.

1:11:56 Drew That's right. Jeremy, here tonight we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:12:03 Caller Loveline.

1:12:04 Adam Wait, wait, wait.

1:12:07 Drew We'll be right back.

1:12:08 Caller Check.

1:12:22 Drew Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. It was Loveline until Piven got us tossed off the air. When Jeremy Piven screamed F face into the microphone, and we told him not to worry about it because we had a 17 second delay, apparently that wasn't long enough for our engineer. Now, don't worry about it. It's cool. We'll land on our feet. I'm a carpenter, dude, so I mean, I always got work. I mean, that's cool. Drew's a doctor.

1:12:51 Jeremy Piven I've got nothing. I mean, literally, I mean, you're cool.

1:12:54 Drew You got a gig. You're on HBO.

1:12:56 Jeremy Piven I know, but if you take that away from me, then what am I going to do? I can't fix anything.

1:13:00 Drew You're fine. I'm saying you got a gig.

1:13:03 Jeremy Piven Right.

1:13:03 Drew You don't need the show. Drew's a doctor. Like I said, I'm a carpenter. I think Kim will toss me a bone. Let me punch up some of the monologues or something. I think we're going to land on our feet.

1:13:18 Jeremy Piven I might have single-handedly taken down Loveline. Oh, wait.

1:13:24 Adam Now, let's see if they can handle that one.

1:13:28 Drew Engineer Ken.

1:13:29 Adam Ken, Colin Ken. Are you going to take care of everybody? What's his name?

1:13:36 Drew Listen, Jeremy, what are you, high?

1:13:40 Jeremy Piven I wish I was. I'm sorry, you guys.

1:13:45 Adam If you say it now, he goes out.

1:13:47 Jeremy Piven Dr. Drew, tell me why I do that. Why do I do that? Why do you have Tourette's? No, that's not, voluntary Tourette's, is that possible? I mean, why do you, why did I do that just now?

1:13:56 Drew Hold on, let me talk to Drew.

1:13:57 Caller Don't agitate him.

1:13:59 Jeremy Piven I've always been that way.

1:14:00 Adam I know how to handle cases like this.

1:14:02 Jeremy Piven But it's literally always been that way.

1:14:05 Drew Don't agitate him.

1:14:07 Adam So it's been like, how would you describe it?

1:14:09 Drew Get him a scratch pad, let him reply.

1:14:11 Jeremy Piven I need to live in extremes. I need to figure out, I need to push the envelope.

1:14:16 Drew He's a figure. I was explaining to Jeremy that he got us tossed. Jeremy used the term F face, except for he used the entire word. And it was taken off the air here in Los Angeles, the F part, but nationally, the other 85 cities didn't quite catch it.

1:14:38 Adam Or they did catch it.

1:14:40 Drew Actually, they did catch it during the explanation of that.

1:14:43 Adam Actually, some of them will be on tomorrow night. Maybe they can fix it on the 12th or something.

1:14:46 Drew Ah, let's not do that. During that explanation, Jeremy dropped the F bomb once again, which would be funny if it didn't involve us losing our jobs. But how does this work? How does Jeremy, how does he harness this energy and use it for good?

1:15:07 Adam He does, he likes to push the envelope, but it's all right. It's all good.

1:15:11 Jeremy Piven Did you see how easy he took it on me just now? He could have crushed me.

1:15:14 Drew I know.

1:15:14 Jeremy Piven He's a good man.

1:15:15 Drew He's a good man. He's gonna physically assault you during the break.

1:15:19 Adam Well, I have somebody to do it for.

1:15:21 Drew No, I gotta say, I love profanity. It's a great way to make a point. And if we get thrown off the air, so be it. That's what I say.

1:15:32 Jeremy Piven But that was me doing it, not you guys.

1:15:34 Adam No, here's the deal. You like to push things along, which is a good instinct. And it's up to the people that run the show to decide how far to let that run. That's all.

1:15:44 Drew That's right. That's right.

1:15:45 Adam Just the people that run the show, let us down.

1:15:48 Drew Right. That's right. Everything's good. Everything's good. Just no more talking. Krista? You're 26? Let's see. Doc puts you on pain medications, even though you once were an addict.

1:16:05 Caller Yes, the same medication that I was on when I went through detox.

1:16:08 Adam Well, that's game on again.

1:16:10 Drew And he gave the doc a heads up on that?

1:16:12 Adam Krista, you know better than that, for God's sakes. It's your disease. You gotta be responsible for that.

1:16:17 Caller I know, but I went through major tummy tuck surgery down at Cedars and then I got stuck back in surgery.

1:16:24 Adam How long after your addiction was treated did you?

1:16:28 Caller I was off the Percocet and I was treated for it in August.

1:16:34 Adam Yeah, I'm sure they told you no elective procedures for a year.

1:16:39 Caller No.

1:16:39 Adam So you really set yourself up for this, really.

1:16:41 Drew Oh, do they do that?

1:16:42 Adam Of course. Krista, please, you may not have heard it, but you don't go ahead and get a procedure where you are definitely going to be given pain medicine until you've been sober a long time.

1:16:53 Drew So if that's your drug of choice.

1:16:54 Adam You do everything you can to avoid dental work or elective procedures where you're gonna need opiates. I mean, people are not into you suffering.

1:17:01 Drew Of course you need them. What about if weed is your drug of choice or booze? Would they still give you that?

1:17:07 Adam It can re-trigger the whole disease, but it's especially the opiate addicts that they must, must avoid situations where they're likely to be exposed to drugs that will just reactivate the disease. All the thinking, all the preoccupations, it's just game on again, Kristen.

1:17:20 Caller So I'm gonna have to go to this withdrawal once I'm off this Percocet.

1:17:24 Adam Forget the withdrawal. Yes, you'll have to withdraw, but your addiction is activated. And that's the problem.

1:17:30 Caller So I'll go through that whole thing over again with the shaking and the...

1:17:33 Adam Well, the withdrawal may not be so bad, but clearly you didn't get with the program. Clearly you didn't. Because first of all, your sponsor never would have let you do this. You wouldn't be so preoccupied with the withdrawal right now. You'd be more interested in your addiction, which is separate from the withdrawal. You've really not done your work. So naturally enough, your disease will reactivate one way or another. And it's time to get back in the game.

1:17:56 Drew Is it game on with the Percocet now? Are you back with it?

1:18:00 Caller I have it. Because they had to redo the surgery again because there was a saroma in there. So I just got out of Cedars and I'm kind of like back on the Percocet and they keep handing it to me. And I told them to give me something that didn't have an opiate in it.

1:18:12 Adam Well, nothing else is going to have any good pain.

1:18:15 Drew It's called the aspirin. Right.

1:18:16 Adam It's Tylenol. There's no such thing as a painkiller that doesn't have opiate in it. I mean, there's non-saros, but they won't work.

1:18:22 Jeremy Piven So you got a tummy tuck?

1:18:24 Caller Yeah, a tummy tuck done. And then I had to go back in because there was a saroma.

1:18:29 Jeremy Piven I'm sorry. I'm so ignorant. Why did you get that? Because I don't understand what that is exactly.

1:18:33 Caller I had a couple C-sections, so I had some skin hanging down.

1:18:38 Adam Cosmetic procedure. And by the way, the saroma is no big deal, too. It usually resolves on its own. So she obviously was pushing, pushing, pushing.

1:18:45 Jeremy Piven Now, are you someone, sorry to break in, I have no knowledge of anything in the world.

1:18:50 Caller Listen.

1:18:51 Jeremy Piven Would a woman like you try to, did you try to exercise and all that kind of stuff, and then it didn't work for you, and then you went for the tummy tuck, or did you just go right for that?

1:18:59 Caller I tried to exercise and stuff, but a lot of the doctors said that it wouldn't go away by itself, that I would need the tummy tuck, so.

1:19:05 Jeremy Piven But you did it, you died, and you exercised.

1:19:08 Caller Yeah, and then it looked good to me, because I thought everybody was doing it, and then I wanted it, so.

1:19:13 Adam After a pregnancy, when there is disruption of the abdominal wall musculature, and there's a basically a panacea that develops, that's not going away.

1:19:21 Caller Yeah, it's like a pancelectomy.

1:19:23 Adam It'll actually even take a triangle, just pull the whole thing off.

1:19:26 Drew Jeremy lives in the colonies and exclusively bangs models.

1:19:31 Jeremy Piven By the way, I don't live in the colony, I live in the Malibu ghetto.

1:19:33 Drew He doesn't understand the whole loose skin thing.

1:19:36 Adam All right, but Chris, the deal is you've got to get back in the program. Paul, whoever treated you before, get back in the program.

1:19:40 Drew He's banging models, he's dropping the F-bomb, he's drinking Cristal out of a silver slipper, probably playing tennis with Johnny Carson.

1:19:51 Adam Well, as a matter of fact.

1:19:52 Jeremy Piven No, not Johnny Carson, but not Johnny Carson.

1:19:54 Drew I'm just thinking of a famous Colonies guy, that's all.

1:19:57 Jeremy Piven Listen, I don't have the US currency for the Colony. I live in the Malibu ghetto, literally, but it's still Malibu.

1:20:02 Drew No, I know. We'll talk during the break, because I am a home improvement guy, and you probably have something you want to do over there, beyond just getting satellite.

1:20:12 Jeremy Piven I'm knocking down walls, I'm getting into it.

1:20:14 Drew We're going to talk, because I'm going to tell you things.

1:20:16 Jeremy Piven Oh, good.

1:20:17 Drew Yeah, it's going to be great.

1:20:18 Jeremy Piven Fantastic.

1:20:19 Drew I worry Krista over here, and Drew was getting the vibe off of her almost immediately. There's issues, there's things going on.

1:20:27 Adam She has done not one shred of work in her recovery. I'm not going to talk to her anymore, because it's going to be coming.

1:20:31 Drew I know, I'm going to yell at her, but listen, Krista. You're going to screw your kid up, you understand? All that c-sectioning and tummy tucking, and your attitude is what's going to f up this kid. Something's wrong.

1:20:43 Adam Well, the addiction.

1:20:44 Drew And the addiction, but it goes beyond that.

1:20:46 Adam Well, opiatex, you're most commonly trauma survivor, so that's part of what you're picking up.

1:20:50 Caller So you're angry and it's- You can't get any more of it anyway.

1:20:53 Drew It's weird.

1:20:54 Adam Krista, this is a disease that you have to be involved in the treatment of for many, many months. You can't just detox and expect it to end. It will always resurface.

1:21:03 Drew What about your proclamation not to talk to her? Quiet down. Krista. Yeah. You're going to screw your kid up. Hey, you're laughing because I know you think you're the world's greatest mom, but you're angry and you're going to screw your kid up, so stop it.

1:21:16 Caller All right?

1:21:16 Drew Get yourself some help.

1:21:17 Caller Listen to her.

1:21:18 Caller Oh, I go to like therapy talks.

1:21:19 Drew It's good enough. I know. These are the addicts that have the come back and the retort for everything. Yes, they call and they blame this person. They blame everybody but themselves.

1:21:30 Adam What you have to understand is that she has trouble seeing this because addiction is a disruption of the motivational priorities of the brain. Everything she feels, every thought she has is affected by this motivational system that has been distorted by the opiates. So naturally, anything that gets in the way of that is going to be pushed aside.

1:21:47 Drew Right. Let's talk to Renee who is 23. Renee? What's up?

1:21:55 Caller I'm calling because I have this problem where I bleed during sex and it's only with one particular guy. It's with four guys and it's always with this one particular guy that I bleed with during sex. And he's the smallest guy I've ever been with but he's also the only guy that I don't use production-wise. I don't know if condom versus no condom has anything to do with it or what. I mean, we're very gentle. It's not like it's rough. It's not like it hurts.

1:22:19 Drew Well, the first thing you need to do is make him acutely aware that he's the smallest one you've been with. That's the most important thing. And I ask you to do that now and we'll wait.

1:22:27 Adam We don't wear blood but he'll have lots of tears.

1:22:32 Drew Maybe he's so small, he's actually piercing the skin. Like getting humped with a number two pencil or something. You know what I'm saying, Drew? He's actually cutting.

1:22:42 Adam We can ask him that. That'll make him feel good. No, you're like a needle. Renee, you see you don't use protection with him. That means you're not using a condom. Does that mean you're on the birth control pill?

1:22:52 Caller I am on the pill.

1:22:53 Adam Okay. And you're only on the pill when you're with this guy?

1:22:56 Caller No, I've been on the pill for five years now.

1:22:59 Adam You haven't changed type of pill, dose of pill, anything like that?

1:23:02 Caller No, nothing.

1:23:03 Drew What? Now, some women bleed when they have intercourse.

1:23:07 Adam Yes, and the pill can make that even more likely to happen.

1:23:10 Drew And...

1:23:11 Jeremy Piven But is the variable an angle? Is he, maybe... Yeah. Is this particular gentleman very flexible? Yeah. Do you have a curved situation?

1:23:21 Caller No, it never hurts.

1:23:24 Adam No, is he curved?

1:23:25 Drew Yeah. The shape of his penis.

1:23:27 Caller Yeah.

1:23:27 Drew Any English on it?

1:23:29 Caller No?

1:23:30 Drew No.

1:23:31 Adam Which side does he dress?

1:23:33 Caller More towards the right, I guess.

1:23:36 Drew More towards the right.

1:23:37 Adam Now, should Taylor...

1:23:38 Drew Republican, and he doesn't, and he's smaller than the other guys, and the sex is not vigorous either.

1:23:44 Adam Gentle.

1:23:48 Jeremy Piven Do you, is it enjoyable for you?

1:23:50 Caller It is, very much so.

1:23:52 Adam I do not have an answer for this. I think it may be just a weird coincidence. I wonder if it's just something, just coincidental.

1:23:58 Caller Is there anything I can do about it? Because I'm tired of bleeding on, you know, really cutting sheets all the time.

1:24:03 Adam You need to get a pap smear and maybe have a cervical polyp or something. There are things that a lot of different things can predispose to this. You got to get that checked out.

1:24:10 Drew There's also a way, and Drew does this himself. He was doing it on the show the other week, which is your mind attempts to find a sort of pattern. It's constantly working, looking for patterns.

1:24:23 Adam All brains, all human brains.

1:24:24 Drew All human brains are looking for patterns.

1:24:26 Adam Explanations and things, yeah.

1:24:28 Drew Yeah, it's really weird. We were getting, our phone lines were screwed up. Dr. Drew was convinced it was only line five and line two when it was all of them. And I realized he's looking for a pattern. And this is the way, this is how you go through life.

1:24:44 Adam This is why you come up with the idea that throwing sacrifices into the volcano are going to prevent the volcano from erupting because somebody fell in one time. Right, it's a human thing.

1:24:53 Drew All I'm saying is, is when you take some of these things, like I only bleed when I'm with this one guy and you start dissecting it and breaking it down a little bit, you realize there's other times she's bled with other guys. It hasn't been every time with this guy. But once your mind starts going down this path that establish a rhythm and a pattern, it's hard to talk yourself out of it.

1:25:15 Jeremy Piven Once you believe something, there are also vibrations that you can set off from that, the truth or that feeling or that belief. And so if you're focusing on the negative, which is, oh my God, I'm going to bleed every time I'm with them, you could also be manifesting it. Is that right at all?

1:25:27 Drew Sure.

1:25:27 Adam Jeremy's a Jewish guy. What's going on here?

1:25:30 Drew He's like American Indian.

1:25:31 Adam He's like the Dantic Jew? What? Oh, what?

1:25:39 Drew Yeah. I don't know what... I'm not sure what tribe he's from, but he's like part of...

1:25:45 Jeremy Piven Look, man, I'm serious. You can manifest certain things in your life when you focus on them. If you focus on the negative, you will manifest those things.

1:25:53 Drew Dances with Kreplach, I think, is what his tribe calls himself. All right, but here's the point.

1:25:59 Jeremy Piven Running with Kugel.

1:26:00 Drew I'm scared he's going to drop the F-bomb again, so...

1:26:04 Jeremy Piven I will.

1:26:04 Drew I'm so close to it. I'll use it.

1:26:06 Jeremy Piven I'm sorry to twitch.

1:26:07 Drew He'll use it. Yes, there is a thing, too, especially with the body, which is if you're sort of convinced that something's going to happen, it will... I'm going to feel pain every time this, whatever, you will start feeling that pain. But producing blood is taking it a step further, but still not out of the realm or the spectrum.

1:26:28 Jeremy Piven No, no. Before you touch anything, I'll give you an example. People with multiple personalities can literally change their body chemistry when they switch into another personality. So we're capable of doing those things. Yeah. I mean, that's kind of amazing. I don't know what her situation is, but think about that for a second that it's been documented like, you know, when someone switches into another personality and they were actually drunk, that they switched into another personality and suddenly there's no trace of, you know, alcohol. I mean, it gets completely unexplainable. My head is going to explode.

1:27:05 Adam He's going to say F something.

1:27:09 Drew Chief Yentlbear is here tonight. We'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:27:26 Adam You know how guys have trouble with confidence and going out and dating and meeting girls? We have a solution.

1:27:31 Drew Mm-hmm. Hey everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number. Oh, forget about it. We don't need your. The thing that's funny about Jeremy Piven does not cuss off the air.

1:27:55 Adam He only cusses on the air. It's a form of Tourette's of some type. I think so.

1:27:58 Drew It's interesting.

1:27:59 Adam Good.

1:27:59 Drew Jeremy Piven.

1:28:00 Jeremy Piven No, it's a form. I need attention. And you can break that down if you want to. And I don't care. I need to fill my soul because it's empty, maybe.

1:28:10 Drew If you want to satisfy that need in Jeremy Piven, you can watch him on Entourage.

1:28:16 Jeremy Piven I love the way you're, as the kids say, blowing it up.

1:28:19 Drew Silky, yeah.

1:28:21 Adam People have been talking about that for a while.

1:28:23 Drew Sunday Night, 10 o'clock, first one airs. And I've been hearing just a ton of buzz about it already.

1:28:29 Adam Is it all scripted or is it more like the Larry Sanders kind of...

1:28:33 Jeremy Piven It's all scripted, but Doug Allen and Larry Charles, who is a co-creator of Curb Your Enthusiasm and co-creator of Seinfeld, they write it all out. And I kind of beg to just have at least one free one and you just kind of go for yours. And they've been great about... They kind of got the joke with me where now it got to the point where they wouldn't even do a rehearsal with me. They would just start filming from the first take and so they would let me open it up a lot more and did some stuff with Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman.

1:29:08 Drew They're in... Are they in the first episode?

1:29:11 Jeremy Piven They're in episode number two and it's really good actually. And we did some stuff in the green room with Sarah and I wish I could do some of the scene for you right now but I would have to swear throughout most of it, which is a problem for you guys right now.

1:29:24 Drew She's excellent, by the way, and almost stand up whatever.

1:29:28 Caller She just happens to be...

1:29:30 Jeremy Piven You can't stump her and you can't shock her. No matter what I said to her, she would just kind of roll with it. It was amazing.

1:29:36 Drew She is a talent and a dear, dear friend.

1:29:39 Jeremy Piven We celebrate her.

1:29:40 Drew Andrew?

1:29:41 Caller Yes?

1:29:42 Drew You have a question for Jeremy Piven?

1:29:45 Caller Yeah, I just want to say I love him in all his movies and I really love him in PCU when they find him and he's sleeping with a cigarette in his mouth. But I really want to know what was the most fun role for you to do in all your movies?

1:29:56 Jeremy Piven You know, and I'm not just saying this, I have to say...

1:30:00 Caller Entourage.

1:30:02 Jeremy Piven No, I really do, just because...

1:30:03 Drew I was gonna say all of them.

1:30:04 Jeremy Piven No, entourage is like...

1:30:06 Drew Come on, Judgement Night, buddy. Come on, buddy, I'm right here.

1:30:10 Jeremy Piven Well, look at, you know, from the response we've been getting, I've never gotten reviews or a buzz like this character, you know, and it's not like I suddenly have kind of blossomed as a performer. I mean, the variable is the role itself is like, this guy is like this angel devil guy that can just rip your head off and, you know, tear you apart and then also just sell, you know, hug you and tell you how much he loves you in the next instant. So he's that guy that works that way and people don't know how to deal with him in this world. And really the entourage is about a group that surrounds this film star. And it's about all the guys who are from the East coast trying to navigate in Hollywood and have no reference for this town and be given everything for free because they're with, you know, their boy, their guy.

1:30:57 Drew Have there been, they've done a million movies. Have there been fun sets versus miserable sets versus ones you just don't even really remember, like don't even register?

1:31:07 Jeremy Piven Yes, I would say a miserable set, as you know, was Judgement Night. That'd be absolutely miserable. Yes, as miserable as they come. And then entourage is great because one of the things, like I said, was they really trust you. So they let you kind of do your thing. You know, they open it up. They're not precious about their words, even though they're, you know, great words and they're collaborative. So yeah, this entourage has been a blast. All right.

1:31:32 Drew So the project we collaborated on together.

1:31:35 Jeremy Piven Yes, it was a nightmare. Maybe that's why, maybe that's one of the things that contributed to your laziness or the disaster that was that program.

1:31:44 Drew Yeah. Well, I watched your movie. Thanks, Andrew. Let's talk to Hillary, who's 15. Hillary? Your virgin? Yeah.

1:31:56 Adam What's happening?

1:31:58 I'm a virgin and my boyfriend's a virgin. And we've been together for 10 months. And I just found out that we're moving to Asperia.

1:32:07 Adam Asparagus?

1:32:07 Caller Covina. Asperia.

1:32:09 Adam Asperia.

1:32:10 Drew Yeah. Somewhere up north?

1:32:12 Caller Yeah. And I live in West Covina. So it's obviously very far and he, I mean, we haven't had sex yet or anything. I've, you know, obviously don't really think that he's just with me for sex because he would have dumped me by now.

1:32:25 Adam Yeah. So, well, you're going to try to have sex to try to bond, so solidify this relationship now that it's-

1:32:31 Drew Well, who's moving? He's moving or you're moving? And you're moving, I don't know, is it like 500 miles up the coast or how far is it?

1:32:42 Adam But why would you be contemplating having sex with this guy that you're going to be away from?

1:32:46 Caller Because I think that since we've been together for a long time, things have been okay with us and I figured that if I've been with him for this long and we haven't done anything, then obviously, what are the chances of us breaking up on a long distance relationship?

1:33:04 Adam You're trying to stick this thing together by having sex, that's a bad plan.

1:33:07 Drew You're gonna-

1:33:08 Caller No, no, not exactly, because I'm not moving till like December.

1:33:11 Adam It's a bad plan. It's gonna make this whole process-

1:33:15 Drew You're not gonna use sex like glue. I did stick a slipper to a bathrobe once via sex.

1:33:21 Adam It's one of the many things that your poor nanny has to take care of. Your housekeeper. Yeah, stuff. So wait a second. I can break bricks with her head.

1:33:31 Drew Quiet down, Drew. Here's the point. You guys have decided you're gonna see each other every weekend. Neither one of you has a driver's license.

1:33:43 Adam It's not, look, just don't do it.

1:33:44 Drew I thought he was 15.

1:33:45 Adam Yeah, if he's 16, whatever. It's not, this doesn't, do not do this, Hilary. It's a bad plan to try to use sex with.

1:33:52 Drew Don't do it because he's moving.

1:33:53 Adam It's gonna make the whole thing that much more painful.

1:33:55 Drew All right, here's the deal. You can have sex with him after he moves. The fifth time you see him. We'll see if they see him every weekend, all right?

1:34:03 Jeremy Piven Do you guys ever talk about things like when you lost virginity?

1:34:06 Drew Oh.

1:34:06 Adam During the break. Okay.

1:34:07 Drew We'll be right back.

1:34:09 Jeremy Piven Here it is, bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:34:12 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

1:34:15 Jeremy Piven Call the Dateline.

1:34:17 Caller 1-877-889-DATE. So get your problems ready. Ready.

1:34:28 Caller This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

1:34:30 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

1:34:34 Drew Thanks . Well, that's it, everybody. That's the show. I want to thank the great Jeremy Piven for coming in tonight. You did it.

1:34:56 Adam Without unloading any, one more?

1:35:00 Drew SRF Bombs Entourage. The name of the show.

1:35:03 Jeremy Piven Following Six Feet Under Sunday Nights. Thank you guys for promoting it so much, and I appreciate it.

1:35:13 Drew Our pleasure. You just don't forget about us when it's a huge hit.

1:35:17 Jeremy Piven No, are you kidding?

1:35:18 Drew Tomorrow night.

1:35:18 Adam Or even if it's not.

1:35:20 Drew Yeah, don't forget about us. Mimi Rogers in here tomorrow night. Until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:35:31 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment. Yeah.

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Wednesday, July 14, 2004