Episode 1000631393254

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:03 Voiceover Hey everybody, it's Love Line. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, physician, physician, bed, all that, all that.

1:14 Drew Good times.

1:15 Adam Let's go, buddy. I gotta break it down.

1:17 Drew Did you see Snoop on the way out?

1:18 Adam Drew got, I heard my main man, Snoop.

1:21 Drew He was in here, in the studio just ahead of ours, the show ahead of ours, on the local station here at K-Rock in Los Angeles.

1:28 Adam The mother station, the flagship.

1:30 Drew He's good, he's doing great.

1:32 Adam Snoop?

1:32 Drew Yeah.

1:33 Adam He's my main man. That's my main mayonnaise.

1:36 Drew His of a chisel, my bizzel.

1:38 Adam No, he doesn't want that anymore.

1:39 Drew He said that.

1:40 Adam He said it.

1:41 Drew I heard him say that.

1:42 Adam I heard two weeks ago over at Kimmel, there was, that he put a-

1:47 Drew Moratorium? A ky-bizzle.

1:51 Adam A ky-bizzel on the shibizzle.

1:54 Drew Well, he was shibizzling and shnizzling all over the place.

1:58 Adam Yeah. Well, isn't that interesting?

2:01 Drew What are you gonna do? Maybe they're just on Kimmel's show.

2:04 Adam No, no, I just mean, I mean, we got the news. You know, we have, we sit around.

2:08 Drew I didn't see Bishop Don Juan here either. Which I was shocked.

2:11 Adam Bishop Don Magic Juan?

2:12 Drew However.

2:13 Adam You know, well, here's the funny about Bishop Don Magic Juan. When Snoop goes to Baltimore to open a liquor store, Bishop Don Juan stands behind him. When Snoop comes out to this radio station, a Bishop Don Juan lives half a block from the radio station. Couldn't make it out.

2:29 Drew Oh, maybe that's the problem. It's interesting.

2:31 Adam Too close.

2:32 Drew Yeah. Not happening. But he brought two gentlemen with him, which really, to me, tested the limits of the potential of human size.

2:43 Adam Oh, really?

2:44 Drew Oh, yes.

2:45 Adam Yeah.

2:46 Drew Oh, yes.

2:47 Adam Jewish guys? Jewish guys, right?

2:52 Drew I think so. It's hard to tell.

2:53 All right, so, let's see it again.

2:54 Adam Big, sort of hairy-armed Jewish guys.

2:56 Drew Heads the size of the biggest watermelon you've ever seen in your life. 350 to 400 pounds and 6'8.

3:03 Adam Black guys can get big.

3:04 Drew Yeah, I mean, in...

3:04 Adam They can get that, and they get that neck roll. They get that triple toilet seat roll down the back of the side, back of their head, too. I'm telling you, a black man does not wear a mullet. That wouldn't be a bad hairdo for a fat black guy to mullet.

3:18 Drew But these guys, they're not fat. So much as huge.

3:22 Adam Well, listen, when you're black and you're fat, you're huge. When you're white and you're fat, you're fat. It's a better thing. It's a better, yeah, yeah. You look better.

3:32 Drew Yeah, you don't look fat.

3:34 Adam Well, you look...

3:35 Drew It sort of looks like all up above the waist.

3:37 Adam Here's sort of what it is. You tell him he's fat. That's really what... That's how it gets with black guys when they're like 400 pounds. I'll be over here. You go, go tell a guy with the multiple speed bumps running down the back of his neck that he's fat. Go ahead. See how that works. Yeah. They should sport a black mullet.

4:01 Drew But he was, Snoop was as good spirited as always.

4:03 Adam Always in a good mood.

4:04 Drew Yeah, a really good guy. But, and then I have another thing I want to talk about. I did the Dennis Miller Show today, you know, and also another amazingly positive group of people, pros running a little bit of a place. And I was talking to one of the producers, who is a crack producer, you know, they're on top of everything. And they go, and Corolla's always going off about not hearing the phone calls. He's got to be kidding, right? I mean, it's a national radio show. You could hear the phone calls, right?

4:27 Adam Yeah, that's all theater of the mind we do here.

4:29 Drew Yeah. And so last night we would have the chief engineer here tonight. Poor engineer. And the first thing she gets here is, where's Justin?

4:37 Adam Oh, see the engineer? No, he's not here. Radio engineers are a, well, here's the way it works. First off, engineers in general are a certain breed of cat. My stepdad's a electronics engineer.

4:51 Drew That's a, this is, that's an engineer, this is a tech guy.

4:55 Adam No, no, my stepdad for 31 years, we've exchanged at many syllables. Pants keep coming up, pants keep getting higher each year, belt keeps getting tighter. What is that obsession, by the way, is the pants get higher, the belt gets in, keeps, you know, now he's at the point where he's augering new holes in the belt so he can cinch it up.

5:18 Drew I think it feels like they're coming down and so we just want to comfortably wear them because the hips are kind of moving up towards the, there's no, there's no waist anymore.

5:25 Adam Is it your sack is moving toward the grave?

5:28 Drew There's no waist, there's no distance between the hip and the chest and the rib cage. So you gotta have something, there's nothing to rest the pant on.

5:35 Adam The pant keeps getting higher, belt, belt is getting cinched up now. Yeah. Yeah. It's looking, he's looking like when I did the, I did the episode of the Family Guy where I was a death and I was out on the beach having to wear some slacks and they put a belt on me. Look like a skeleton wearing, wearing dockers with a belt trying to keep them up.

5:57 Drew Yes, my friend Adam Carolla was supposed to set that up.

6:00 Adam Yeah, don't worry about it, it's coming. What about the engineer? The engineer never made it out here.

6:04 Drew He must be here now, because he promised he'd be here before the show.

6:08 Adam All right, well the radio, radio, so engineers are their own breed, their own breed, and the radio engineers, radio engineer are sort of like regular engineers with a wandering eye and an antisocial attitude and always funky hair. And here's the thing I like about radio engineers. They believe in their heart of hearts, they could do your job better than you could. They could be on the air, they're funnier, they're more clever, they're more interesting, and really should have been on the air. So there's always a slight air of resentment mixed with, there's a sort of, there's a smug, I know this equipment that you, you know, without me, buddy, your nasally drone wouldn't make it to one crappy teenager's car. That's right, all right. All right, you're right. Now what else are we talking about? Snoop, good guy, engineer, Dennis Miller. I'd like to do his show.

7:03 Drew Yeah, I'm sure they will ask him positive. Cause you've already been up, right? You've done it.

7:08 Adam No, I've never done Dennis Miller's show. No, I did Dennis Miller's show when it was on HBO or Showtime or whatever it was. It was one of the most enjoyable experiences I've had as Mark's TV showgoer.

7:20 Drew He knows how to do an interview, like nobody.

7:23 Adam Yes, here's the thing about Dennis Miller. There's a rap that he's a a-hole, basically, in the business. Oh well, I believe him. I believe every bad thing about everybody but me, but.

7:35 Drew That's right, you have the same rap.

7:36 Adam No, I don't have an a-hole rap. I have a, he doesn't care or know where he is rap. Leave him alone. Right. Yeah, he doesn't know who to hate. He hates himself more than he hates you. He doesn't like publicists, he's not sure who you are. He can't remember you. Right. He doesn't know what business, he thinks he's a contractor. That's my rap. He doesn't know what business he's in, leave him alone. All right, he wants to know why he can afford such a nice car. All right, so Dennis Miller's rap is a little bit of a pain in the ass.

8:10 Drew Oh really?

8:11 Adam Oh yeah, yeah, but although with age, you do mellow. Guys who are, you know, what is, I don't know what the prime a-hole age for a guy is.

8:21 Drew Gotta be in the 20s.

8:23 Adam Later 20s.

8:24 Drew Yeah, later, I'm thinking 29.

8:25 Adam Especially when some success is starting to happen. A little money in the pocket, you know what I mean? Some success. Yeah. Working, you know, anchoring the news desk at Saturday Night Live. And by the way, Dennis Miller, in his prime, or if he cares to do it, or when he does do it, one of the funniest stand-up comics that I've ever seen. I mean, he's really, really good at stand-up comedy. And.

8:49 Drew He's good, well, I'm saying he's good at.

8:50 Adam Whatever he does.

8:51 Drew He interviews, he listens, and he makes eye contact, and he doesn't just listen, but he's driving. He's driving the interview, not just reloading.

8:58 Adam Yes. Immensely talented guy, too smart for the business. Here's the point. Say what you will about him, and Drew won't say anything about him. When I did his show, when it was on HBR or whatever it was, there was about a five-minute pre-interview. Got to go out there and drop the F-bomb a couple of times. Fast, loose, easy, nobody crawling up your ass.

9:21 Drew Right, same way.

9:21 Adam And he's total pro. And he's not reading off, he's not looking down at cue cards and fumbling for his next question. He's looking you in the eye. You're going off on tangents. He's not scared to go places with you. If the conversation takes a little zig and a little zag, all right, that's the way we're gonna keep going.

9:37 Drew Keeps going, yeah, keeps driving.

9:38 Adam Yeah, there's no road that we need to stay on. We need to stay on the road called the interesting road, and that's not paid.

9:44 Drew Do you know, you know.

9:46 Adam Hold on, buddy.

9:47 Drew What?

9:48 Adam Let's really just drink that in again.

9:50 Drew It was well said.

9:51 Adam We need to stay on the road called the interesting road, and that's not paid. You know what I'm saying?

9:58 Drew Yes.

9:58 Adam What I just did there was the interesting road that wasn't paid.

10:03 Drew Yeah, brilliant, genius.

10:06 Adam Really, we're paying you to sit here, you should be paying me. The interesting road that's not paid. Okay, quiet down. All right, now what's up, girl?

10:15 Drew We good? I forgot, yeah, we're good. He never reminded me of you a little bit though, because they had some technical problems. He's like, yeah, but just keep going, let's go, let's go.

10:23 Adam Yeah, he wants to get paid.

10:25 Drew No, no, he wants to do work there. He's ever real, he's ever happy.

10:28 Adam That's me, that's what I'm saying. So, I'm keeping it real.

10:31 Drew That's right. As you go down that interesting road.

10:34 Adam I go down the road, it's the road, which is not the paved one. It's being under the paved road. Let me just say, just real quick, and then we're hopping right on to these phones that may or may not work. I was at the place, at the Senior Crime today, by the way. I work over at Kimmel. Every other day, they close down Hollywood Boulevard.

10:57 Drew Oh, yes.

10:58 Adam Every other day.

10:59 Drew Well, this was when I got off of Franklin Boulevard and Hollywood Boulevard was because of the American Idol finals.

11:07 Adam Yes.

11:07 Drew So there was a gridlock around there.

11:10 Adam Yeah, but here's the whole thing. One of the Olsen twins makes a solid duty and they close Hollywood Boulevard. Anything's caused enough to close Hollywood Boulevard. Rick Dees, he's gonna get his fifth Walk of Fame star. We're closing Hollywood Boulevard. They do nothing but close Hollywood Boulevard and they'll do it at the drop of a eyelash. Boom, close Hollywood Boulevard. When they close Hollywood Boulevard and everyone thinks, look, you people listening in Idaho think it's all great. Ah, you get to, you work right there. You're there. You're there at the historic theater. You're right across the street from where they do the Academy Awards, the American Idol, a Ryan Seacrest, blah. That nothing but pain in the ass tourists and traffic. And by the way, the part where you're working, you know, you're working at the part where the, you know, the clampets we're coming to from the Black Hills of North Dakota, you're over that in the first 10 minutes. Then it's just a bunch of a-hole tourists wearing fanny packs.

12:08 Caller Hey, where are the chuggies? Hey, where's the trees, the doctor?

12:12 Adam And traffic, nonstop traffic. They close Hollywood Boulevard every other day. And the only way to escape from the Kimmel, again, I do leave a little earlier with some of the other writers. The only way to escape is to, you know, go backside, basically, fish your way through these things. I ended up right in the intersection.

12:31 Drew That's where I got my ticket.

12:32 Adam Where you got your-

12:33 Drew Were the cops waiting for you?

12:34 Adam No, cops weren't waiting for me there, but I was trying to cross over Franklin. And here's the whole deal. When everything gets gridlocky, there's only one way to make your way. That is slowly start pushing forward. When the intersection locks up and there's a little space, you got to take your car and you got to start pushing forward. If you just sort of wait until things clear up and the, you know, the heavens part and Moses comes and spreads it, it's never going to happen. It's gridlocked. And no one's moving. There's no space, there's no rhyme, there's no reason. So I was driving up one of the streets and I was crossing Franklin heading toward the other side where you got your ticket. And there's a little opening in the gridlock and I started peeking forward, peeking, peeking slowly because I couldn't see if the track was coming the other way. Sure enough, here comes a minivan with a chick, a couple of people. She does that, there's no other traffic by her. She does that move where she stops and then she stops in front of me and then she looks sort of cross between wounded and insulted that I would attempt to venture, you know, try to get home. Wild man. And then gave me the look like, yeah, what are you doing? And oh, I'm the worst guy to give that look to because out comes the C word, out comes the bird and shake your ass, you fat C. Get going. And by the way, I don't need to be admonished. I don't need to be punished. Shake your ass.

13:52 Drew Get going.

13:53 Adam I'm making my way, it always frightens them, yes. Yes, but here's the thing. Get going, lard ass. I'm trying to go, you're trying to go too. I stop, there's no danger. I was creeping out. Yes, I'm trying to get to the other side. No, I can't see around the other cars. That's why I'm creeping. Yes, I saw you coming. Yes, I stopped.

14:12 Caller Now shake your fat ass. And get going.

14:16 Adam And don't give me your stink eye, you fat ho.

14:18 Caller Get going.

14:19 Adam I don't know where you're going.

14:21 Caller I don't know why you don't want to get there, but I want to get to where I'm going.

14:25 Adam So shake your fat ass and don't punish me with your look of, oh, somebody was trying to shut up.

14:33 Drew And could she get by without you even moving?

14:35 Adam There were two.

14:35 Drew No problem.

14:36 Adam She didn't have to swerve. There was no, no anything. It was just, I'm creeping, I'm creeping up. There she is. I stop immediately. She has to then sort of stop. That's the other one too. Yeah, stop. Oh, oh, I'm so wounded. Listen, all you seas and pussies out there, they're so wounded, so insulted that someone would dare drive on the streets that you drive on or somehow impede upon you.

14:58 Caller Just shake your fat ass.

15:00 Adam Get your fat ass out of the way.

15:02 Caller Just get going.

15:04 Adam 10 and two, get your ass moving.

15:06 Caller Go.

15:07 Adam Forget about the stink eye, forget about the horn. Mach now.

15:11 Caller Let's go. Get your ass going.

15:14 Adam I don't need your stink eye. Just drive, pussy. All you pussies, just get moving. Jesus Christ, her and her bunch of fat ass family in their minivan, but they're, oh, I swear to Christ, Drew. What the, what the, is this town, it's just packed full of just pussies that would never happen in New York. New York's like, go, go. Here's just a bunch of just, I don't know if it's nothing but illegals without insurance. Are just pure pussies behind the wheel that it's just like, huh, he tried to drive when I was, it's like, get the F out of the way, you see.

15:52 Drew We have so many GED trauma survivors in this town that every interaction is in a potential opportunity to reenact the trauma. Everyone's trying to traumatize me. Everyone's trying to exploit me, take advantage of me. So you creeping your headlights three inches into the intersection, you traumatize me now.

16:09 Adam Yes, yeah.

16:10 Drew And if you didn't notice, I'm gonna stop and let you know that you've exploited me.

16:13 Adam Write a letter, put it on the grave of your junkie uncle and leave me the hell alone, you fat C. Remember the one that molested you 19 years ago? Write the letter, put it on his grave and leave me alone. Let me drive my car. Jesus Christ. That's all I'm saying. All I'm saying is, all I'm saying in this town of Los Angeles, let's shake our ass. Can there be a policy? Can there be a campaign? Let's just get it going. Let's pick it up. Let's pick up the pace. Let's pick it up. Nobody, I'm the first guy to think of pick up the pace. Everyone wants to put a second level on the freeway and dig a hole through downtown. Or can we just pick it up a little bit? Can people just pick it up? Do you need to leave the 30 foot gap between your bumper and the rear bumper of the other car when we're in gridlocker? Could you scoot your ass up and tighten it up just a little bit? Make a little more room in the intersection.

17:08 Drew Do you need that bumper zone? Wasn't that intersection confusing? Did you come upon it and know what the signs meant?

17:12 Adam No, no, I, yes, no, yes, no, no, yes. Drew, fight that ticket and win.

17:17 Drew Right, the intersection is co-wildering when you've dropped off to it.

17:21 Adam Correct, correct. Don't say right when you're talking about driving, Drew. It's confusing. Correct.

17:26 Drew Kitty, 18.

17:27 Hi, I actually had a question for Snoop Dogg.

17:30 Drew Oh, he ain't here. Oh, oh, oh, oh, hold on, hold on, hold on.

17:36 Adam We gotta start tracking. Where are we?

17:37 Drew There, 14.

17:38 Adam Thing went, no, the thing.

17:39 Drew The smoke alarm went off.

17:41 Adam The smoke alarm chirped off, probably about 11.

17:44 Drew So we have 42 or so.

17:45 Adam Yeah.

17:46 Drew 46.

17:47 Adam Yeah, no, because they go off between 30 and 35. Yeah, yeah, so we should be, we should be about 43, 44.

17:54 Drew There we go, hold on.

17:54 Adam All right, Kitty, we're gonna need you not to move and just stay where you are, okay? All right, hold on, hold on. Just stay where you are.

18:06 Let's see, the phones are out, the phone went blank. All right, now I'm going insane.

18:14 Adam Now Drew's going insane.

18:15 Now I'm going insane.

18:15 Adam Do we hear a chirp?

18:16 Drew No, because the phone, did anybody else hear the chirp?

18:18 Adam I know.

18:19 Drew Thank you.

18:20 Adam I know we didn't hear the chirp, Drew.

18:24 Drew Justin just fixed those phones right up, didn't he? National radio show where the hosts take phone calls that they can't hear.

18:33 Adam I just like the part where it goes out during the three seconds where we need to hear the chirp for the smoke. All right, now hold on, Kitty. We need you to stand under the smoke detector, please.

18:48 Drew Oh, there it is. There it goes.

18:50 Adam Can I see it?

18:51 Caller All right.

18:53 Adam Oh, Kitty. 126. Okay, I need to pace it. You see, that's my session.

19:00 Drew It's almost exactly 30, I think.

19:01 Adam It's always, no, it's like 33. It's between 30 and 35. Now, the Coleman First Alert Series, that's 30. But if you're talking about the Smokeman Series.

19:13 Drew The generic one.

19:14 Adam Yeah, the one at Home Depot most. That's the more than 35.

19:17 Drew Oh, the phone's out again. Did it go again? Not yet. Oh, it's right. It was 03.

19:30 Adam 03. All right.

19:32 Drew 30 seconds, right?

19:34 Adam It's more. It's like 35. Maybe even 37. Now, is this smoke detector? By the way, this is gonna be the bulk of the call.

19:43 Drew And the show.

19:44 Adam And the show. Is this smoke detector in your room? It's in your bedroom. And approximately how long has the battery been low?

19:57 Drew She may not know the battery low.

19:58 Adam Wait, here it comes, shh.

20:04 Drew We caught the end of it.

20:05 Adam We caught the end of it, all right.

20:06 How long have we had the battery in it?

20:08 Adam 42.

20:08 Drew No, no, not how long have we had the battery in it? Adam, I told you, she's... How long has it been chirping at you?

20:19 Adam Two weeks.

20:21 Drew Yeah, we got that part.

20:23 Adam Two weeks.

20:23 Drew Because if you could, you'd be jumping out the window.

20:25 Adam Two weeks in the world.

20:27 It's got a really high ceiling.

20:28 Adam That you sleep in.

20:30 Drew And live in, basically.

20:31 Adam That both of you sleep in.

20:34 Yeah.

20:35 Adam Yes?

20:37 Drew Do you go to Cal State Northridge or something?

20:39 No, I go to S&C, and my roommate's a stripper.

20:45 Adam Okay, I'm gonna try it now. I'm gonna try to guess where she strips, all right?

20:50 Okay, they're gonna guess you're close.

20:51 Adam All right, all right, Kit Kat?

20:55 No.

20:57 Adam The Classy Lady?

21:00 No.

21:03 Adam Bob's Classy Lady?

21:04 No, it's new, I'll give you a hint.

21:06 Adam Oh, it's new? An experiment rhino? Licorice zebra? I don't know. What is it? Oh, score? Oh, they got scores out here? Uh-huh.

21:22 Drew Yeah, now, man, let's give her a little break. And if she has to sit and listen to that music and dribble coming from the DJ.

21:27 Adam Hey, blah, fat fanny pack ponytail guy.

21:32 Drew You might lose all awareness, auditory awareness of your surroundings, you know?

21:39 Adam Where is the scores? Is it in the Valley? Where is it? Oh, it's downtown LA. By Staples. By Staples? What the hell?

21:52 Drew You didn't know about that, I guess?

21:58 Adam Oh, it's the score? Oh, it's not scores of New York? Still gotta get out there. All right, so what's the problem, besides you guys being so brain dead, that you don't know that there's a chirp going off every eight and a half seconds? Oh, that's right.

22:21 Drew She's got that abused voice.

22:22 Adam Were you guys, were you a kiddie? Were you ever sexually abused? Never.

22:27 Caller What was that?

22:32 Drew We can't hear the calls. We can't hear the calls.

22:35 Adam All right, here's the situation, everybody. I know we cannot overstate this enough. We, meaning Drew, myself, and I think engineer Chris, although I don't believe many of the things that come out of that kid's mouth.

22:48 Caller No, I can't hear him either.

22:49 Adam I don't even know if your name is Chris. We are the only people who can't hear the incoming calls.

22:58 Caller Only the studio.

23:00 Adam You at home can hear. That's why we're constantly saying things like, how old were you? How old were you? How old? Tell us again, repeat it, repeat it. Now it's intermittent. It pops in, it pops out. And it usually works, it usually works like this. How old were you when your grandfather molested you? We hear three seconds of dead air and then we hear, and that's why I'm the way I am. Then we, like idiots, have to say, how old again? And then oftentimes, ironically, more-

23:35 Drew It goes out again.

23:36 Adam More just static sound, more white noise. Yeah, it would seem like a problem. It would seem like the kind of thing that you would need to fix in the first couple of-

23:45 Drew For a national radio show.

23:46 Adam National radio show. Where people talk to- But again, this show's a little different than most.

23:50 Drew Well, at least we don't have to climb over chicken bones and hills of dirt and construction like we used to at Western.

23:56 Adam Right, you got me, you have me yammering.

23:58 Drew But we could go back there and climb over all the debris.

24:02 Adam No, we will get this problem sorted out. It's only been nine or 10 months. And-

24:08 Drew But you've been complaining about it.

24:09 Adam I've been complaining about it. Right, so let's let the engineers, let's give them a little time, is what I'm saying, to work this out. Now, the problem has gotten worse in the last couple of nights, I think. And we'll try-

24:20 Drew I think we've become a little less tolerant of it, too.

24:24 Adam Maybe, but it doesn't, it seems like we're not getting through any calls, Jenna. And I know a lot of that is my tirades against the man. Jenna?

24:32 Hello?

24:33 Adam You're 16?

24:34 Caller How are you?

24:36 Adam Doing good, except for the technical difficulties.

24:39 Drew Notice line four does not have this problem. Oh, except right now.

24:44 Adam Okay, hold on a second. Drew, do you ever get tired of being wrong? And let me tell you something. When Drew's wrong, it isn't like five minutes. He didn't prove wrong five minutes later. It's not five seconds later.

24:57 Drew The words are coming still out of my mouth.

24:58 Adam It's not even full seconds. Like if Drew said, I gotta tell you, people complain about earthquakes in Southern California, but I don't see- Start running, get under the desk. The point is this, there's not gonna be an earthquake later that night.

25:13 Drew It's while I'm speaking.

25:14 Adam It's while he's talking about it. You need to actually put your head in your groin and get under the desk before he finishes his sentence about earthquakes. You understand?

25:24 Drew Yes, I understand.

25:26 Adam All right. Drew seems to think that the problem is limited to certain call lines, but that's just him and his superstitious pigeons. What are they called, Drew?

25:37 Drew Superstitious pigeon.

25:38 Adam Thank you.

25:38 Drew Scenarian pigeons.

25:39 Adam That's what he is, because every line does it. You used to think it was line five, then it sort of moved over to one and two, and now everyone does it. All right, we'll do what we can do. Don't worry about it. Like I said, we never needed calls on this show. We got the ace man. I'll do the driving. You guys just sit back and relax. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

25:59 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline. Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

26:04 Call 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1.

26:16 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Jeremy Piven in here tomorrow night, a man who has been, well, his first role was as a child. He was in the movie Wings, which won the first Academy Award in 1923.

26:33 Drew What was he, he was in something as a zygote, I heard. Yo, that little art film with a guy floating on a bed with the moon over, I believe he made a character.

26:41 Adam Jeremy Piven has been in every movie ever made. Producer Anne, by the way, is under the console having a quiet conversation with the engineer right now on the hotline trying to figure out what's going on with our phone lines. I just don't, I don't know what to say. This guy's been the dean in every college movie. He's been the dean and the student. He's been the cool teacher, the uncool teacher. These are all the same, in the same movie. He's the dean, he's the teacher, he's the rowdy frat boy and the janitor at the college, all in the same movie. So he's coming in here tomorrow night to brag about all the parts he's been in. Let me tell you how many things Jeremy Piven has been in. The Man Show originally was going to be on ABC about four, five, six years ago, whenever, was originally a pilot, believe it or not, for ABC. And by the way, they passed on it, and that's when they began their slide. Think about it. They, and here's what it was. It was on the schedule. They were going to go with it, but they had sales guys where...

27:50 Drew Remember, Loveline was on Fox's schedule.

27:52 Adam Yes, but that does not tie into Jeremy Piven.

27:55 Drew I know, I'm just saying.

27:55 Adam The show that replaced The Man Show on the fall schedule on ABC in 1997 was a show called Cupid.

28:08 Drew Long-running show.

28:10 Adam Yeah, if you call it four and a half episodes long-running. What a shock that The Man Show went on to such great success and the show that replaced it didn't make it a season. Hmm, does that ever happen?

28:24 Drew Well, I'm sure all those guys lost their jobs and made that decision.

28:26 Adam Yeah, well, here's the point. Actually, probably they did. The point is, Jeremy Piven has been in so much crap that he's actually starring in the show that replaced the show, my only network show. So how many stuff has he been? And that's TV. He doesn't even do TV. Right.

28:42 Drew I actually heard Cuba was a good show, by the way.

28:44 Adam That's a great show.

28:45 Drew No, no, I heard it was great. Oh, shut up. Not popular, but well done.

28:50 Adam Fantastic. All right, quiet down over there. Then Mimi Rogers in here Thursday night, who's been in more movies than Jeremy Piven. So here's my only problem with Jeremy Piven. I said to him when he was on...

29:07 Drew Adam, just your voice immediately induces yawning.

29:10 Adam I said to him when he was on this show last time, look, how do you get every other role? Every, every, every... Three or four movies in production, you're in all of them. How does this work? How do you do it?

29:23 Drew You assumed he was going to say, yeah, somebody picks you.

29:25 Adam Who do you blow? What's going on? And he said, I get the material, I study the material, I get off book, I get off script, I commit it to memory, I go in there, prepare, and I thought, you're making me sick. Really? Hard work, preparation.

29:46 Drew That's the answer.

29:46 Adam There's no luck, there's nothing. They don't know you, you don't just say, you remember me and my other 375 movies?

29:54 Drew It runs contrary to what you think about the produces hitting before you, Mr. Corolla. I know you think you needn't check the internet, needn't prepare, but Piven prepares.

30:03 Adam That's where me and Piven went our separate ways. We parted, respectfully, but we parted. I heard the P word, and I said, I'm sorry, I'm not down with that. We have to agree to disagree.

30:19 Drew I believe he even used the W word in your presence.

30:22 Adam Was that wang? Work. Work, oh yeah. He said study.

30:30 Drew I'm surprised you kept it together.

30:32 Adam He said prepare, he said study, he said rehearse. It was like, oh, my head was going to explode. I almost leapt over the console and started physically attacking him at that point.

30:43 Drew He said you took it out on me.

30:45 Adam That's when I knew we could never be friends. Yeah.

30:48 Drew And lo behold, you weren't.

30:49 Adam Yeah, but it's been a couple of years. I think I've cooled down a little. We're going to bring him in here. But if he starts up with that prepare and work BS again, I will lose it. Yeah, yeah. I'm in no mood, Drew. No mood. Not a mood. Not going to be in a mood. Not moodless.

31:10 Drew Got it.

31:10 Adam Got no mood.

31:11 Drew Guess what?

31:12 Adam Minus a mood. If I was in space, that's the kind of mood I'm in. It's out of vacuum.

31:17 Drew Vacuum space.

31:17 Adam Yes. Vacuum mood. Minus mood. No mood.

31:20 Drew Jenna, 16.

31:21 Caller Hello?

31:25 Adam Good.

31:25 Drew You're good.

31:27 Caller I have a main question. I just had a question about the show. But my question is, I just called like two weeks ago when the Dr. Drew placement was there. And I was calling because when I used to masturbate, or I started before I turned 15 and I was able to get an orgasm. And sometime, can you hear me?

31:48 Drew Yep, we got you. For the moment anyway.

31:50 Caller I hear an echo when I talk, so it's weird.

31:54 Drew An engineer, maybe that's a clue if something's going on here. But go ahead.

31:57 Caller So then eventually it started to feel like urination, it was just a very strange feeling for what the orgasm was. And I just couldn't keep on going after that. And it's been like that since I turned 15.

32:13 Drew That every time you try, you have that irritation feeling.

32:16 Caller It wasn't necessarily irritation, it was maybe a little sore feeling, but I wouldn't try for that long to get it. So it wasn't like it was used out. And so...

32:25 Drew Like it was what? Used out?

32:27 Adam I remember this call, this is when you were in Bean Town, something over there. Yeah, you used to have an orgasm and now your orgasm just sort of felt like you had to whiz. But what's your question?

32:39 Caller Well, I wonder, he said to relax, and I realized I can't get it back, and also like, fine if I can never get it now, okay, but when I have sex, when I'm married and suffer, well, I don't know, whatever, whatever, will this affect it?

32:55 Drew Okay, all right, hold on a second. Are you on a medication?

32:57 Caller Yeah, but it's...

32:58 Drew What are you taking?

32:59 Caller Well, putrin, stratera, and...

33:02 Drew That's the whole... Jenna, that's why you're having this problem.

33:05 Caller No, no, no, but I try to take that after I have a problem.

33:08 Drew Well, that's fine. It may have gone away by itself, but the medicine, I guarantee you, is sustaining...

33:12 Adam She's taking a bunch of stuff.

33:14 Drew Well, putrin, stratera, and what?

33:16 Caller Clindamycin and a couple other things.

33:19 Drew What are you taking antibiotics for?

33:20 Caller I had a bad burn.

33:24 Adam Where?

33:25 Caller On my chest.

33:27 Adam What happened?

33:28 Caller I was really stupid. I went to the beach and it was cloudy and I got a little burn and then I was at my friend's beach house the next day and I was like, Oh, I'll get a tan.

33:38 Caller I'll get more burned.

33:39 Caller And then I got really, really burned. And then I went, this is really gross, and my friend's little sister peeled the skin off because she thought it was fun and she peeled too much and it just got really...

33:50 Drew Affected. You're on Clinda and what else? Two antibiotics or just one?

33:55 Caller Two, Clinda, my son and I...

33:58 All right, that's heavy duty antibiotics.

34:03 Adam She's on a bunch of antibiotics and she's on...

34:05 Drew It's Wilbutrin and Stratera, the other things. There's this, you know, Weish and that.

34:08 Adam What's a Stratera?

34:09 Drew It's a stimulant-like drug. It's for ADD basically.

34:13 Adam And is that to counteract the Wilbutrin effects?

34:15 Drew No, they're both stimulants. They're both stimulants. They're both ADD-type drugs.

34:18 Adam Well, I thought the Wilbutrin was one of those serotonin-raptate inhibitor things.

34:22 Drew No, it's an adrenergic agent.

34:23 Adam No, it's not.

34:24 Drew It's an adrenergic agonist, different things. It's one that usually doesn't have sexual side effects, but the two together might be doing something here.

34:30 Adam Oh, yeah, because you'll tell them to take the Wilbutrin along with it.

34:35 Drew Along with or in place of the serotonin drugs, right. The serotonin drugs, right.

34:37 Adam All right, so you take the Wilbutrin if, and what's the other one she's saying?

34:42 Drew Stratera.

34:43 Adam Stratera. Stratera.

34:46 Drew I know.

34:46 Adam Stratera sounds like two things. A car, it's either four door Japanese car, it's got a peppy V6 or board game in it. Involves cunning and strategy.

35:00 Caller Stratera.

35:04 Adam Oh, you got my bishop. Oh, my king.

35:05 Caller Yeah. Oh, look out.

35:09 Adam It really is. It's a car meets a board game from the 70s. Yes. Here's the whole thing. And it means nothing.

35:17 Caller Nothing.

35:17 Nothing.

35:19 Adam What does this stuff do? It's for people that can't focus.

35:22 Caller Yeah.

35:22 Drew It's a novel stimulus. I know.

35:24 Adam Who can focus? Here's the thing. Let me ask you this, Drew. You know, everyone walking around talking on a cell phone, listening to an iPod simultaneously.

35:37 Drew I'm not done with Jenna, by the way. Don't let her go. Yeah.

35:39 Adam I am, though.

35:40 Drew I'm not.

35:41 Adam I was actually done with the callers about four years ago.

35:45 Yes.

35:45 Drew Yes.

35:47 Adam Constant stream of information. Slash stimulation.

35:52 Drew Absolutely.

35:53 Adam Coming in. It's all pouring in. You walk down the street, signs are lit up, billboards moving, everything's happening. You're listening and stuff. Is everyone going to get ADD? What is ADD? How can anyone focus? And are we killing ourselves? Do we need?

36:09 Caller I don't know.

36:12 Adam Do kids, do teenagers or like 12 year olds, adolescents, do they need to stand on grass every once in a while and play catch and not talk?

36:21 Drew I suspect so. To help with sensory processing is what you're saying. And here's the deal. I always like to answer questions about...

36:28 Adam How can you form thoughts when thoughts are being stuffed up your ass constantly?

36:32 Drew When anything's being stuffed up your ass, it is very difficult to form a thought other than don't stop.

36:37 Adam I'm serious though. So how can one form an imagination when one is being bombarded with information?

36:45 Drew Your question is rhetorical and it's well put. However, whenever I try to understand things about humans, I sort of stand back and go, well, now, what if I were sort of an anthropologist from Mars and these weren't humans, these were other primates? And if we took these primates and put them in a room and stimulated the hell out of them and they changed their behaviors, would we be surprised? No. No, of course not. So, yeah, there's something, there's going to be some consequences. I mean, is it going to be medically relevant? I don't know.

37:12 Adam I'm wondering if the imagination part and the creativity part will just be replaced for a quest and a thirst for stimulation.

37:24 Drew Well, that seems to be what's happening by the way.

37:26 Adam Yeah, which is, look, we don't need, I don't need a coloring book. I don't need a sketch pad. I need a ticket to a movie and I need a new iPod. Well, but I need to put stuff in. I don't need to spill stuff out.

37:38 Drew Well, I think where that really becomes fascinating is what is the impact of all this pornography and stuff? What is that?

37:43 Adam I mean, no.

37:43 Drew But what is that on a 14 or 18 year old? What is that? Has that, has that even, humans have never been exposed? I mean, they've been exposed to intense stimulation of all types.

37:52 Adam And I'll tell you how it's impacted my maid.

37:56 Drew Oh, she's a lot more worked to do. She vomits regularly.

37:59 Adam She's in counseling.

38:01 Drew No doubt.

38:01 Adam She's actually had to call a crisis team.

38:03 Drew She's gotten good at cracking things over her knee.

38:06 Adam That's right. She's become a brown belt.

38:09 Drew In karate.

38:09 Adam Yeah, but it's a certain, it's a certain discipline that involves breaking, involves breaking cinder blocks. I'm dropping.

38:17 Drew She could do cinder blocks, but she works it out on your laundry.

38:22 Adam Remember that used to be entertainment, halftime in a football game. Guy's going to break a block of ice with his forehead or his elbow. Again, again, would kids stand for that? Nah, can't have that.

38:33 Drew So anyway, here's the deal, Jenny, here's the deal. You were on a couple of medications. I understand they were started after these symptoms developed, but they may be perpetuating things. You're describing urethral irritation. It may be that how you're stimulating or how your bladder is emptying from the medication you're taking.

38:50 Adam From Milton Bradley.

38:51 Drew Try stimulating yourself without getting into the area where the urethra is and realize that some of them, when they have orgasm, do urinate and maybe just that symptom is sort of bothering to you and you're not willing to do that. A lot of possibilities here. It's not as simple as just, hey, just relax, that's common, but it's complicated and confounded by these medications and the fact that something is going on in your urethra and bladder and you may want to have that evaluated.

39:14 Adam And also, don't get all up in your head, you're 16. Relax a little bit. Don't worry.

39:18 Drew Don't start projecting.

39:19 Adam When I get married, the orgasm will return.

39:23 Drew There's nothing you describe. When she said I'm going to get an orgasm, I just imagined somebody like one of those video arcades with the big claw going to have to get like a drop down and get a stuff game.

39:33 Adam Yeah, drops on the thing you want. Drops on the plastic iPad. Comes in the round thing. You never get the bear or the Rubik's Cube, you get the iPad. Let's keep going, Drew. We got to rock. Should we take a break? Yes. Let's do that. We'll be right back after this. Loveline.

39:51 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

40:01 Adam I'm Adam and this is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOV-101. Jeremy Piven coming in here tomorrow night. Most familiar face in cinematic history. Yes, yes, I would argue that. Yes, I would. You know, it's funny. Watched, some of them got home last night, watched a little of that Die Hard movie, the first one, the first Willis movie. Couple things you don't realize. The first movie was probably 17 years old.

40:31 Drew That's the only one I ever saw of Die Hard.

40:33 Adam Couple things, seen when he's on an airplane, he's getting his overhead baggage and as he lifts his hands up to open overhead bag, jacket comes open and the passenger spots his shoulder holster, spots his piece with his gun in it and gives him a look and he says, I'm a cop. And they just sort of go back, realize how crazy that sounds now on airlines, this guy traveling with his piece. Next thing you know, while he's waiting at the baggage carousel at the LAX, lights up a butt and not as part of a movie thing where someone's gonna come by and say, this is Los Angeles, put it out. He just smoke it, waiting for his bag to arrive. And it's like, I'm watching a movie like it took place 2000 years ago. Like I'm watching-

41:18 Drew It's an Egyptian temple.

41:19 Caller He's smoking, he's smoking, he's smoking by the, there's other, there's people's luggage, they're safe tonight, he lit his head.

41:28 Adam Could you imagine lighting a cigarette by the baggage carousel now? You would be tackled.

41:33 Drew Yes.

41:34 Adam Rob Reiner would physically assault you with his 30 gallon bald head. Like, could you imagine? And I just thought, yes, he's just smoking by the baggage carousel. And I'm sure, nowadays, by the way, if you wanted to film that scene, you would have to erect a full-scale baggage carousel.

41:52 Drew Because you couldn't actually even do it.

41:54 Adam You could not actually light a cigarette inside.

41:57 Drew Let alone, let it be Los Angeles that you were enacting.

42:02 Adam I thought to myself, this movie's 1987. Maybe 1988. I don't know, maybe it's 86. I don't know what year the first I Hard was. But as I saw him smoking, it's sort of, hey, he just took a, he flew in from New York. He just, as a New Yorker, he took a six-hour plane flight. He's now waiting for his bag. And like all smokers, you're gonna light up a butt. By the way, smoking, a good guy used to be able to smoke in movies, by the way, too. He was a cop, he was from New York, he smoked cigarettes.

42:30 Drew By the way, it's the 60s and 70s film, they'd be smoking on the plane.

42:33 Adam That, now if I saw that, my head would explode.

42:36 Drew In the special smoking area of the plane, which is comical.

42:39 Adam I would rush the TV set and smash it. I would start running in circles and screaming, pulling my hair out. It was, and then it made me realize, oh my God, I wanted to tattle on Bruce Willis. I got to call Rob Reiner and tell him someone's smoking.

42:54 Drew The gun part's pretty wild, though, too.

42:55 Adam The gun part's crazy, too. Yeah, it's just packing his heat. And not factoring in, not, you know, neither one, the smoking in the baggage carousel or the packing the piece on the plane, wasn't part of the movie plot. That's what nobody said, hey, but how did you get, or anything? Is a cop just got a gun? You travel, he bring your gun with you. You bring your smokes, you bring your gun. That's what you do. All right, let's talk to Tara. Tara?

43:25 Yeah.

43:25 Adam You're 21? Yeah. You like sex, but unsure if you have an orgasm.

43:34 Caller Yeah, basically everything is fine. I enjoy everything up until it, but in place of what I would think, like where I would think I should have an orgasm, like it's kind of like how when the guy goes, you get really, really sensitive.

43:50 Adam She gets a windmill salt shaker.

43:55 Caller No, but like I just get really, really sensitive to the touch, so I don't know if it's that.

44:00 Drew Yeah, you're not having an orgasm.

44:02 Adam No. You know it if you were.

44:03 Drew Yeah, you're not having one.

44:06 Caller So I don't know if it's like a mental thing where I'm just not letting myself.

44:20 Drew All right, so here's the reality. It is not gonna happen during intercourse.

44:23 Caller Yeah.

44:24 Drew All right, you got that, not gonna happen.

44:26 Adam Right.

44:27 Drew It will happen with oral sex if you're able to sort of coach your partner along, if he kind of knows what he's doing. But at 21, it's not unusual for women to have real difficulty having an orgasm at 21. Somewhere in those early 20s, you will start to have them. The wiring sort of hooks up.

44:41 Adam Yeah, yeah, you'll be fine.

44:43 Drew But you gotta kind of...

44:46 Adam Don't push.

44:47 Drew Don't push, pay attention. Don't be afraid to instruct your partner.

44:51 Adam Really, really, I'll tell you, orgasm for a woman, it's like a golf swing. You cannot try to crush the ball. You just have to sort of...

44:59 Drew It's a great analogy.

45:00 Adam Relax, smooth, fluid, emotion, natural. Don't try to kill it.

45:07 Drew And it also highlights the difference between men and women that she still likes sex and has a receptive experience of sex without an orgasm, which the male cannot...

45:17 Adam Guy can push through a tough orgasm night.

45:21 Drew But the deal is...

45:22 Adam A woman can't.

45:23 Drew But forget that, how about just enjoying without an orgasm?

45:27 Adam Yeah.

45:27 Drew A guy like, no, no.

45:30 Adam Well, enjoying up until the point where you realize you're not gonna have the orgasm. That he's frustrated, angry, but I'm just saying as a guy can actually will himself like once in a while, had a few too many like Mickey's Big Mouths, you're a little coked up, somebody cut the coke with too much speed, you're a little jittery, you're going for the trifecta jack, and your penis is not cooperating, even your own reflection, your sweaty reflection, the mirror's not doing it for you, and it's like you're going like, come on, I got a calf cramp, I'm pushing through, we're pushing, we're going, we're making a run, boys. Let's do it now. You focus, you hunker down, you dig in just a little bit more. It's like you're trying to squat 400, 500 pounds, let's do it!

46:15 Drew But again, the point is-

46:17 Adam You can actually do it.

46:19 Drew But the point is that it would not be a pleasurable experience without it.

46:23 Adam No. Even this and that question, and I'm always for your death, and, but to me it's like I will not be beat by your biology. By my own balls.

46:33 Drew You'll beat your biology.

46:35 Adam That's right. Take yourselves a quick break, we'll be right back. Here it is, Bottom Line, it sucks being single today.

46:42 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

46:45 Caller Call the Dateline, call the Dateline, call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

46:53 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

47:01 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

47:25 Caller Hello, everybody.

47:27 Adam It's Loveline, phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. That's Dr. Drew, I'm Adam Carolla. And we're gonna get back to a call that we had a little bit earlier in the night. Kitty and her horny roommate were, I believe her roommate was a stripper.

47:44 Drew From The Score.

47:45 Adam From The Score, downtown LA. Gotta get by that place. And the phone was cutting out a lot. We weren't getting the full story. And I became so consumed with her smoke alarm, which it was going off every 30 seconds. In the room, her and her roommate sleep in. And it's been going off for two weeks, by the way. I became obsessed with that. That we never really got to her question.

48:07 Drew But we did get the smoke alarm timed out.

48:09 Adam 39 seconds.

48:11 Drew 37, I believe it was.

48:12 Adam I think it's 39, but we can settle it. Kitty?

48:21 Drew Yeah, actually now we hear you a little better than last time, you've all heard so.

48:25 Caller Well, my question, I actually wanted to ask Snoop, but maybe you guys can help me.

48:30 Adam Yeah, Snoop Dogg was in a little bit earlier, and Kitty was calling to talk to him. Kitty, please stand in the room where the smoke detector was going off.

48:42 Caller Yeah, I'm in here.

48:43 Drew Yeah, what's that? You're in there now. It should go off again at 34.

48:54 Caller Is that I notice whenever I smoke pot, my sex drive increases a lot, and I know it's becoming a problem because I'm not really able to get off unless I'm high.

49:07 Drew It's interesting, is it with the same guy or with your boyfriend now?

49:12 Adam No wonder she wants to talk to Snoop Dogg, by the way.

49:15 Caller Oh, because it was a bed-related question, and I'm a Snoopy groupie.

49:21 Adam I'm not sure what Snoopy does with people named Kitty. I'm not sure if he kills them or humps them. Drew, you're right, it's 37, it's not 32. That's what I'm talking about. Not 39, it's just pace, the smoke detector. And by the way, let me explain one problem with women in general. Out of reach, out of mind, can't be fixed. If you took a chick and you just took a grenade, a live grenade and you put on a stick, that was just out of range and put it over their bed, it'd be there for six years. That's like, they don't understand the concept. By the way, chimp understands the concept of sliding a block over and getting a banana that's hanging from the ceiling. Women, they'll stare at a light bulb that's like on a fixture that they can't reach. It'll be out for 28 years. They'll just stare at it. It's like, what can we possibly do? There's no device that could actually elevate me. I guess I'll need some taller shoes. It's interesting that a woman understands the concept of a six-inch heel, but doesn't understand the concept of a stepladder.

50:24 Drew Yeah, what is that?

50:27 Adam I don't know. All right, Kitty, so when you get high, you have your orgasm. That's what you get used to. Yeah. And that feels good. And if you're not high, you're not gonna have an orgasm. All right, well, people do have certain senses heightened when they're high, although later, after a few years, it turns a dull out a little bit. Switches speed and fix all that. Why, I mean, here's the other thing, too. If your mantra is, I can't have an orgasm without weed, you're gonna have a hard time having an orgasm without weed.

51:05 Caller Also, if you're a trauma survivor, I keep an open mind.

51:07 Drew If you're a trauma survivor, as we've sort of decided you are, sex can have a lot of difficult feelings associated with it and the pot can sort of medicate that away.

51:17 Caller Really?

51:18 Adam How about, yeah, were you sexually abused? Did you say that before?

51:23 Caller No.

51:24 Adam No? No. Physically abused?

51:27 Caller No.

51:27 Adam Did your dad work with metal?

51:30 Caller No.

51:31 Adam What does he do?

51:33 Caller Well, he's actually, he writes books.

51:37 Adam On working with metal?

51:39 Caller No, nothing with working with metal.

51:41 Adam Your dad is an author. Drew and I are gonna have to either kill ourselves or convene in the corner.

51:47 Caller He writes political books.

51:49 Adam And did he abandon the family early? He's still with your mother?

51:54 Caller No, I don't live with her. I live with my roommate.

51:59 Adam By the way, that is her smoke detector, which goes off every 37 seconds in the room that she sleeps in. Let me explain. A turtle would go insane if it was in that room. Do you understand that? I'm trying to think of a life form. A jellyfish would kill itself, would eat one of its own tentacles.

52:17 Drew Yes, a cilantro would lose its mind.

52:19 Adam That's right. There's things that have less than one cell that would kill the- A planaria would kill itself. Do you understand what that thing chirping?

52:29 Drew Well, listen, what is up with Kitty? That's not all fitting for me at all.

52:32 Adam All right, why are you out of the house so young? You're only 18 years old.

52:37 Caller Because I make a lot of money.

52:39 Drew What do you do?

52:41 Adam What kind of modeling? High fashion?

52:46 Drew Northridge?

52:46 Adam Hold on, no, let me explain that. She's doing porn and she's really high when she's doing-

52:53 Drew Ah, high fashion.

52:54 Adam Yeah, she's getting reamed and she's high. That's it. Yeah, what do you mean high fashion?

53:02 Caller Well, like I'm aspiring. I do like projects, just print work for catalogs and some magazine work. I've been in a couple of ads, but I'm trying to work my way up to go to Europe to model.

53:14 Adam You wanna go to Europe? And I've screened this many times. All they ever boast about in Europe is how beautiful the women are over there. Did I have to take our hotties? You know what I mean? She's calling from the San Fernando Valley. She's a hot chick from the San Fernando Valley. That's my hometown. Do you know what I'm saying? I could use her, but no. I gotta pack her up and ship her off to France because they don't got hot chicks. And where are their hot chicks? I don't see them in Northridge. That's for goddamn sure. Why do we gotta take all our hot 15 year olds and ship them off to Europe? They don't have hot chicks in Europe? They got plenty of hot chicks in Europe.

53:52 Drew You goddamn Europeans. You should be an exchange, right?

53:54 Adam Okay, that's a point. For every good looking hot teen, we send your ass from Kentucky or Iowa or Northridge, you send us a hot chick from Sweden or France or Germany. How about it? One for one, like they do with terrorists. You know what I mean? Or hostages or prisoners. We exchange. Why should you take all our hotties? And again, you're Europe. Everything's better there, right? Don't you have more hotties than we have? What do you need our hotties? I never understand that. Whenever you talk to any of the models, half of them, they grew up in Alabama or Georgia or something, what happened? Well, at 14, I went to Milan to begin my modeling. What do they need your 14-year-old ass over there for? Well, I was skinny, yeah. I had nice eyes and nice hair. Yeah, they don't have a billion of them? Really? They don't have a chick over 5'8? That they can use? How does that work, by the way? Well, really, I know it sounds like this is just the rantings of a madman, but do they need our 15-year-olds from Kentucky to fly over there to Europe to get raped by their coked-up balding? Wranglers. Wranglers, yes, yes, they're artisans. Do they need that? Do they have to go to Paris? I've been to Paris twice. There's hot chicks all over the place. Just use your own. How many 14-year-olds do you need, by the way? What are you doing? How much print work? What's going on?

55:33 Caller Is there that much work?

55:35 Adam Am I insane? What goes on?

55:37 Caller Why don't you just use it?

55:39 Adam Jeremy Piven does 5,000 movies. That's all. He doesn't, he's coming in tomorrow night, by the way.

55:45 Drew And by the way, with the computer stuff, what it is-

55:48 Caller Just use the same chick.

55:49 Drew Do you have to go there for the environment?

55:51 Adam Find 20 hot Parisian chicks and use them. And that'll be enough. Why do we need a new one? And why do we have to deplete our- Our vital resources. Vital resources of hotties. And here's the thing too, they go over there, they start smoking, they get coked up, they get hooked up with an Arab guy, and that's the last we see of them. Gone for good. Who gets left behind? The trolls. And we have to have ugly sex with them. And then produce ugly offspring, therefore further depleting. Do you understand this is a national crisis? We're so worried about the wetlands disappearing, we're not focusing on the hot 14 year olds that are going abroad and never coming back.

56:35 Drew This is the new campaign to replace the rainforest.

56:38 Adam Roman Polanski is raping them, they're married, they never come back, they're gone. And meanwhile, we got the thick, cankled chicks over here, we're reproducing, we're having ugly offspring, slowly, slowly, the population of young hotties is shrinking and shrinking until eventually there's nothing left for us. And then what happens? We gotta move over to Europe and start taking our hotties back.

57:03 Drew That could be okay too.

57:03 Adam That's why I wanna implement a tagging process where if we tag and track our young hotties.

57:12 Drew Okay, okay, all right, good. Got a plan.

57:15 Adam All right, you really gotta go to Europe. No, no hot chicks in Europe.

57:19 Caller No, no, no, nothing hot, no.

57:23 Adam Katie? How much money do you make a month modeling?

57:28 Caller How much money? You know, actually, I think that you saw me. I was at Starbucks yesterday in Hollywood and I saw you walk by. It's like, were you there? I think it was you, Adam.

57:42 Adam Yeah, yeah, start, well, let's see.

57:45 Drew In a Starbucks? He walked into a Starbucks?

57:46 Caller No, no, no, I was sitting outside right by the Ryan Seacrest Show.

57:49 Drew Oh, you probably were there.

57:51 Adam Yeah, we did go to Starbucks yesterday afternoon.

57:53 Caller Did you see a blonde girl in an off-the-shoulder, like loose, kind of sheer white shirt and blonde? That was me. And I saw you and I tried to say hi, but I didn't want to bother you. You were talking to some guys.

58:06 Adam Yeah, I was more yammering, right? Unshaven and looked like I was complaining about something. Yeah, you should have stopped me.

58:16 Drew Really? Or before, yeah, before you killed again.

58:19 Adam I'll tell you what, let's do it tomorrow. Yeah, go down there again.

58:26 Drew What time? Should I sit there all day?

58:27 Adam No, no, because here's what happens. Every day after the writers' meeting, we go-

58:32 Drew Yeah, so she should go there at one o'clock.

58:33 Adam Go there at one o'clock.

58:34 Drew All right, one o'clock, I'll see you there. Really? He won't remember that he made this day, but he'll be there when he does.

58:40 Adam We'll go there, we'll go across the street. We'll do it, yeah. All right, and this time stop me. All right, well, you stay here. You stay here stateside. We don't export hotties anymore. By the way, this is worse than giving nuclear technology to the Koreans. Do you understand? This is dangerous.

59:03 Drew More serious.

59:04 Adam More serious, a more pressing issue in my mind. And believe me, when I'm in charge, this is one of my platforms I take a stand on.

59:11 Drew So you get elected on this one.

59:12 Adam Yeah, you'll not be going to Europe to model. None of you. You model right here, or there'll be no modeling at all.

59:20 Drew That's my policy, by the way.

59:22 Adam You model stateside, or you don't model at all.

59:25 Drew Now, you interview Kitty, and you find out what the hell's the matter with her. Something's wrong.

59:28 Adam Tomorrow? I gotta remember to go to that Starbucks.

59:31 Drew Underdeveloped somewhere.

59:34 Adam Well, let's hope it's not in any visible way. All right, and no, I don't, I don't know how hot she can be. I didn't see her.

59:40 Drew When you're complaining, are you kidding?

59:42 Adam Although, yeah, when I walk, I look at my feet.

59:44 Drew Not walking, when you're complaining.

59:46 Adam When I'm complaining, I have a single focus, which is, it's a sidewalk in front of me.

59:50 Drew Which is, no, which is everyone listen to me.

59:52 Adam Right, but I can't be noticing hot chicks.

59:55 Drew Aliyah?

59:56 Caller Yes?

59:57 Adam Year 17?

59:58 Caller Yes, I am.

59:59 Adam What's up?

1:00:01 Caller Me and my friends have all, like, gone through this question. If, okay, if a guy is having sex and he penetrates his first time but he doesn't finish, does it count as him losing his virginity even though he doesn't finish?

1:00:13 Drew Yes, because if the orgasm was a necessary requirement of losing one's virginity, half the female population would not lose their virginity until they were 30.

1:00:24 Adam 70.

1:00:27 Caller He lost all my faith in my husband.

1:00:30 Drew What?

1:00:31 Adam You married?

1:00:31 Caller Yes, I'm married. And that's how the question first came to me is because he was with a girl but he never, he always told me, well, I didn't finish so it didn't count, you're my first.

1:00:41 Drew Yeah, and you believe that BS.

1:00:43 Adam Well, hold on a second. Hold on.

1:00:45 Drew I didn't orgasm so it didn't count? Adam.

1:00:50 Adam Hold on a second.

1:00:51 Drew You're going to try to convince her of something else?

1:00:52 Adam No, but I will say that there are shades of gray here, and now just listen.

1:01:00 Drew Are you high?

1:01:01 Adam Now, first off, the woman orgasming part is completely out of the window. Can I use the same criteria to measure the man versus the female? Virgin. Okay, so let's set that aside for a second. Secondly, no, if a guy has intercourse with no orgasm, he is no virgin. But I would say that the fact that he had his first orgasm with you Sets you apart. Sets you apart.

1:01:29 Drew I'll give you that.

1:01:30 Adam Makes you a little more special. And if it's possible to be seven-eighths not a virgin or three-quarters not a virgin, this is it.

1:01:40 Drew Let me put it in different contexts. The whole thing about virginity has gotten so blurred anyway. This is just another technicality. But it is a gradation of some type.

1:01:50 Adam Yes. Yes, yes. And it could mean that it didn't go on very long. It was uncomfortable. He wasn't enjoying it. All things that bode nicely for you.

1:02:02 Drew Or she was so hot that he freaked out, couldn't handle it.

1:02:07 Adam Yeah. Or he finished in her head.

1:02:11 Caller He was really like bag over the head ugly.

1:02:14 Adam Drew is taking a walk here. Drew likes to finish in the hair. That's his thing. It's a passion. Aliyah.

1:02:21 Caller Yes.

1:02:21 Adam Yeah, you're 17 and you're married already.

1:02:24 Caller I've been married since I was 16 for a year now.

1:02:27 Adam Oh, okay. So it's been many years. Well, that's better.

1:02:30 Drew Why 16?

1:02:30 Caller My dad was very abusive.

1:02:33 Drew You're taking rest.

1:02:34 Caller I kind of like ran off and got married.

1:02:37 Drew You know that's what you did. How's your husband?

1:02:40 Caller He's great. He's in the military. He's in Korea right now. He's coming home on Monday.

1:02:46 Drew Adam has a...

1:02:47 Adam Adam brought up Korea 33 seconds ago.

1:02:50 Drew Adam has something he needs to sort of bring up with the military and your husband, interestingly, as particular as it pertains to Korea. They need to really adjust their priorities.

1:02:58 Adam Yeah. Oh, shut up. What's your husband do over there?

1:03:03 Caller He's in calm communications. He sits on his butt in a comfortable chair and works on a computer all day.

1:03:09 Adam All right. Well, that's good. And then at least he has something that might translate into some sort of civilian work too, by the way, working for a communications company, computer company, phone company. Some of these guys that get into the military, it's like, what do you do? I do artillery ranging. It's like, I'm an artillery ranging specialist. What is that? Well, I actually go ahead and put the detonation caps in the army artillery shells. We used a 55 millimeter howitzer, and then it's like, what do you think you're going to do? Transition into into working for the school board, working on artillery? Like, listen, Nimrod, when you're in the military, you're supposed to be in there for like four years. You're supposed to learn something. Then you're supposed to get out. You're supposed to use a GI Bill, buy a house and translate it into something. Don't be putting primers into 55 millimeter howitzers. You know what I'm saying?

1:04:04 Drew Yep, you're right.

1:04:07 Adam Thank you. You know what I'm saying? Why do that part?

1:04:13 Drew That's what their passion is.

1:04:14 Adam I know. But be a diesel mechanic. Learn to work on jet engines. Do the communications thing. Don't be the artillery ranging guy. Unless you get a job at the circus and the human cannonball or something, maybe here's where we put the net. I don't know. By the way, that guy does not get enough credit.

1:04:35 Drew The human cannonball guy?

1:04:36 Adam Does not get enough credit.

1:04:38 Drew The guy that sets up the...

1:04:39 Adam No, the human cannonball. Big... Imagine you're climbing in to a cylinder that's about 20 feet long and someone is setting a net up on the other end of the parking lot.

1:04:50 Drew It's like a big trapeze act, basically.

1:04:53 Adam In between you and the net is 200 foot of asphalt. Think about it. You're going to be about nine stories in the air and you'll be covering essentially a parking lot, a couple of vans, a couple of mobile homes. You overshoot it, you're in a more parking lot. You come up short. You understand, it's not a whole long strip of net.

1:05:19 Drew So again, really it's the artillery adjustment guy, the guy that's setting the artillery range that really deserves a credit, the human cannonball deserves a medal.

1:05:29 Adam Think about it. I mean, imagine you just stand at the end of the barrel, just pretend you're standing on the ground out in the parking lot, you're in the barrel walking 200 feet over to where the net is on the other side of the thing. Just stepping over curbs, parking blocks, park cars, what have it. Yes, you'll be covering this terrain in the air. If something should happen, by the way, you come up a little shorter, you get hit by seagull or something, you'll be about eight stories in the air too. Something happens, a strong wind knocks you off, whatever. You're not going to be landing anywhere on this net. We just assume, just assume throwing you over an eight story building and just go sailing into the parking lot.

1:06:09 Caller It's hairy.

1:06:10 Drew Yes, yes, you're right.

1:06:12 Caller Forget the whole cannon part. The flying part is hairy enough.

1:06:17 Adam You're being launched out of a cannon. Okay, Drew, give them their deal, give them their deal, give them their deal.

1:06:23 Drew Done. Give it to them. You guys are great. Amazing.

1:06:29 Adam Aliyah? All right. Here's all I want you to do. This is why you shouldn't get married at 16 because you get caught up and they sort of like who is a virgin and all this kind of stuff. But just remember, this is a good guy. It's not your daddy. Don't act out on him. Don't sabotage this relationship. He's going to come back from Korea. There's going to be some growing pains. You guys are going to be living on top of each other for the first time in a few months. You're going to be getting on each other's nerves. You're going to start acting out. You're going to need, you're going to want to get him to abuse you like your abusive dad.

1:07:12 Drew Or you're going to want to do something to get something out of him, a rise out of him.

1:07:16 Adam Don't do it.

1:07:19 Caller I do that a lot too.

1:07:21 Caller I know you do.

1:07:22 Adam Don't rattle his cage.

1:07:24 Caller Be thankful.

1:07:26 Caller You guys knew that because I do. I like pick at him about stuff and I can't, I don't know why I do it, but I do.

1:07:31 Drew Because you need to evoke dad from this guy.

1:07:35 Adam Yes.

1:07:36 Drew You need to evoke that experience. I know, but you're going to work at him until you get him to behave like you do.

1:07:41 Adam Until he shows you the bag of his hand one day.

1:07:43 Drew Yeah, don't do that.

1:07:45 Adam Don't do it.

1:07:46 Drew Just be thankful for what you got.

1:07:49 Adam This is your issue and you need to work on it.

1:07:53 Drew People that have been traumatized, reenact, find ways to reenact the trauma. You'll find somebody that's the same person or that evokes something from.

1:08:02 Adam Or they get the person to become that person.

1:08:04 Drew Right, or evoke something like that. Yeah.

1:08:06 Adam And God bless you, Liam, for understanding and agreeing with us.

1:08:10 Drew Yeah, she's open to it.

1:08:11 Adam She knows she tugs on him. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to… Huh? Took a melatonin once. Jenny. Related lower sex. Took nine melatonin. Made a bottle of those things. Ever since Dr. Bruce told me to eat them by the handful, I'm going nuts. Jenny over here, doesn't want to have sex with boyfriend anymore. Gets mad when he does. All right, beautiful. We'll talk to her after this. Is Drew going? Why isn't?

1:09:15 Drew I'll be there, I'll be there.

1:09:17 Adam You will?

1:09:18 Drew I'll be in New York that day.

1:09:19 Adam You will?

1:09:20 Caller You go to New York? Yeah.

1:09:22 Drew I'm leaving that afternoon, but I'll be there that day. All right, and I'll be doing something for Axe that day.

1:09:29 Adam Phone number.

1:09:30 Drew What the hell are you doing? Some sort of discussion, leading some sort of roundtable.

1:09:35 Adam What the hell kind of separate life, man?

1:09:37 Drew I know, dude.

1:09:37 Adam I don't even know you anymore.

1:09:38 Drew What are you doing, man? You heard me, man.

1:09:41 Adam When are you going to New York?

1:09:43 Drew Next Wednesday.

1:09:44 Adam And Wednesday?

1:09:46 Drew Yeah, I gotta do Good Morning America in the morning. For something else, something else. Okay, all right.

1:09:52 Adam And so you'll be in New York on Wednesday.

1:09:55 Drew Yeah, I'm leaving again. I think Thursday night, maybe Friday morning.

1:09:59 Adam Work that out, buddy.

1:10:00 Drew Yeah, yeah, you know what? Maybe Friday morning, I think.

1:10:02 Adam Maybe Friday morning.

1:10:03 Drew So, all right.

1:10:06 Adam All right, everybody, let's get to the phones and speak to Jenny. Sorry, once in a while, Drew and I, we have a conversation.

1:10:17 Drew Is this thing on? Is this on?

1:10:18 Adam We have a conversation over some urination and a cup of coffee. We go to the bathroom every break because every commercial is a bathroom break for us.

1:10:29 Drew Everyone.

1:10:30 Adam And if they were spaced out three minutes apart, I would go in there and float a number two. And over the course of the show, how many battle moments did you have, Adam? 26? If it was a four hour show, it would be 50, 58. 52 battle moments. I go in there and urinate, actually, actually urinate, produce urine every single commercial break. And Drew does too. And whether we like it or not, that's what we do. By the way, I wonder why I get up eight times in the middle of the night to take a leak because according to my bladder, I should be urinating 11.

1:11:08 Drew We do the worst combination of things. We pee every 11 minutes and we're drinking six pots of coffee.

1:11:13 Adam Copious amounts of coffee.

1:11:16 Drew Well, I do. You add on a bottle of wine, then you go to bed.

1:11:20 Adam Yeah. Yeah, and I have an IV in me when I go to sleep of Kamchatka. But no, here's the whole thing. Here's the whole thing. I just realized this, Drew. I pee, you know, 13 times during the course of this show. My bladder.

1:11:36 Drew Oh, there you go again.

1:11:38 Adam I just urinated. My bladder thinks it's supposed to relieve itself about every nine and a half days.

1:11:44 Drew Yeah, yeah, I listen.

1:11:45 Adam When I go to bed at 2.30 in the morning, I'm up at 3.10 like, oh my God, I'm gonna explode.

1:11:50 Drew But you.

1:11:51 Adam I should have urinated 12 times by now.

1:11:53 Drew In addition to training it, you've dumped in eight gallons of liquids. All after 10 o'clock at night, right?

1:12:01 Adam Yeah.

1:12:02 Drew Yeah, it's genius, genius. Anyway, so we have to, our conversations don't end at the train.

1:12:08 Adam Once in a while, the conversation bleeds into the air, and I'm sorry, man, take care of a little business. We use this like a intercom. Go ahead, Jenny, what's up? 26.

1:12:18 Caller Yeah, well. It's been coming on kind of gradually that I just, I don't want to have sex anymore, and the more that he would try, the worse I get mad.

1:12:34 Drew Yeah, that's a common sort of a complaint that women get, is that when they start sort of shutting down for whatever reason, men turn on the aggression or turn on the sort of what feels like exploitation and begging and demanding sex, and that shuts you down completely, right?

1:12:50 Caller Right, like for a while I would give in, even though I didn't really want to.

1:12:54 Drew So I sort of see this as two separate things. It's what caused you to shut down in the first place, and then how do we get your husband to be more empathic with things?

1:13:02 Adam Is it boyfriend or husband?

1:13:04 Caller Boyfriend. We have a baby together, he's almost two.

1:13:10 Drew Boyfriend and a baby.

1:13:11 Adam How long have you guys been together?

1:13:13 Caller Probably about four years. We were having problems before I got pregnant.

1:13:20 Drew What kind?

1:13:20 Caller We'd actually separated.

1:13:22 Drew What kind of problems?

1:13:23 Caller And I got pregnant. Well, he'd gone away to work and he'd ended up, he cheated on me, so I kicked him out.

1:13:33 Drew All right, so now is the reason you're shutting down sexually initially that the relationship just isn't satisfying to you anymore or there's something going on in the relationship that's troubling you?

1:13:41 Caller Are you asking me that?

1:13:45 Caller I'm asking you that.

1:13:47 Caller I don't know. It's like I can't-

1:13:49 Drew So it's not like-

1:13:50 Caller Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah.

1:13:52 Adam You might not know if that's the reason you're being shut down sexually, but you do know if the relationship is having difficulties.

1:14:00 Caller Yes, the relationship's definitely having difficulties.

1:14:03 Drew But before he started demanding sex from you, though?

1:14:09 Caller Yes.

1:14:09 Drew Okay. She said yes.

1:14:11 Adam Okay, here's-

1:14:12 Drew But what I was trying to get a clarification of was whether or not there's something interpersonal, psychological, or my next line of question was gonna be, do you have any medical problems, do you have any medication, or something else to shut you down, and then now he's coming on with a bunch of aggression?

1:14:25 Adam Here's what's going on. She's peoed.

1:14:30 Drew She's angry, you feel it, yeah.

1:14:31 Adam She's screwed up a little bit, and she's peoed. Whenever you hear that 26-year-old chick that sounds like she's 43 and has looked death in the eye a few times, that's a bad thing. So she's mad at men a little bit. She picked a guy, probably like their old dad, he's just some idiot who stepped out on her. She never really resolved that with him. She's angry at him. Probably would have broken up with the guy, but did what dumb people do, which is they spit out a kid. And then they end up staying together for the kid. Now the kid's got a resentful dad, an angry mom. Mom shuts down sexually to sort of pay the guy back because she's angry with him. Guy ends up cheating more, by the way, because he's not getting any at home, and therefore you have what you call your negative syndrome.

1:15:22 Drew A good times.

1:15:23 Adam Yeah. And kid hopefully is a girl so she can grow up and repopulate the stripper, the vastly fading stripper population here.

1:15:33 Drew The one that's being sent abroad.

1:15:35 Adam Sent to Europe, yeah. Oh, that's bad. Boys end up just being criminals and gang members.

1:15:44 Caller How can we think I sound like I'm 40?

1:15:46 Adam Yeah, well, you've seen a lot. You've seen a lot. Where's your dad?

1:15:52 Caller Him and my mom, they actually separated just probably like five or six years ago, at least after I graduated from high school.

1:16:01 Adam That's good. And do you get along with your dad?

1:16:03 Caller Yes, I love my dad.

1:16:05 Adam Oh, you do?

1:16:06 Caller Yeah.

1:16:06 Adam Good. Is your mom crazy?

1:16:09 Caller A little bit. I love her too, but she, my dad's like a burnout biker. He is like living in a frickin camp trailer at his parents' house alongside the garage.

1:16:23 Drew Sounds like quite a catch. Who wouldn't love that dad?

1:16:26 Adam Well, dad of the year, five years running.

1:16:28 Drew Really, that's his pet face on the top.

1:16:31 Caller There's more to, you know, there's more to a person than that.

1:16:34 Adam Yeah, there is. Hold on a second. You know what's really weird is when I said, she sounds like a 40-year-old who's seen debt, looked at death in the eye. I was, when I saw death in the eye, I didn't say it in my mind's eye, I was seeing a motorcycle crash, body on the highway, motorcycle thing. I don't know why, it was a very...

1:16:59 Drew Let's see if that's actually what she witnessed. Be interesting when it...

1:17:02 Adam I don't think she saw anything. Jenny?

1:17:05 Caller Yeah.

1:17:06 Adam You ever seen your dad get in a motorcycle accident or...

1:17:10 Caller No.

1:17:11 Drew Somebody else?

1:17:11 Adam Well, somebody else.

1:17:14 Caller I don't know of any... Well, when I was little, I had a little, like, Yamaha 40 and I wrecked it a couple times.

1:17:21 Adam Doesn't count.

1:17:23 Drew No, no, no.

1:17:23 Adam If we were doing a show where I was a psychic, it would count. I would be dead nuts on.

1:17:28 Drew He made a real serious accident sometimes.

1:17:30 Adam No. No, I'm not. I'm just saying I got biker. I got weird. I got biker dad for some reason when I was talking to you. And then when you start telling me your dad was a great guy and you loved him very much and your parents just recently broke up, I was like, what? And then it got back to him living in the dog run of his buddy's apartment.

1:17:51 Drew His parent's house.

1:17:52 Adam And being a burnt out biker. And then snap back into a focus.

1:17:58 Drew Was he a heroin addict?

1:18:00 Caller Not that I know of. I'm wondering, it seems to me like he, meth and phenamines seems to be like really big out here.

1:18:11 Drew Heroin and meth.

1:18:12 Adam Okay, so listen, I know you're a huge fan of your dad. Your dad's a piss poor dad. And probably not a great person.

1:18:22 Drew And I'm not a horrible human being, but not a great dad. Now which one for good? That one leaves a nice imprint behind.

1:18:29 Adam What does, what brand of construction or truck driving does your current boyfriend do?

1:18:39 Caller Oh my God, he's a welder.

1:18:41 Adam Oh, see, white trash biker dad equals welder dude.

1:18:45 Drew He equals metal dude.

1:18:46 Adam Metal, metal. There's something about bikers and, I'll tell you what the connection is when we're urinating. All right, okay, just, Jenny. All right, all right, the phone's cutting out too much. Don't screw the kid up, please, please. Like I said, if it's a girl, they just get in a pornography and no one's the wiser. We're better, we're better world for it.

1:19:12 Drew Just relax, you know, how can we advise her? She should stay with the guy.

1:19:16 Adam Stay with the guy.

1:19:18 Drew Go to school.

1:19:20 Adam Find Jesus Christ.

1:19:21 Drew No more kids.

1:19:22 Adam No more kids.

1:19:23 Drew Build a community so you get support.

1:19:25 Adam Start communicating with the guy.

1:19:27 Drew Eliminate your resentments.

1:19:29 Adam Say luck.

1:19:30 Drew Maybe smile anon for you.

1:19:32 Adam If we're gonna stay together, and we should, on behalf of our child, let's try to have a good relationship here. I'll try to drop some of the resentment I had toward you. You try to stop pushing on me, and let's work it out.

1:19:48 Drew I've heard you say stuff about your wife.

1:19:50 Adam But, oh my God, that is so weird. I got the, sounds like 40, saw death in the eye, white trash, biker, meth, the whole thing. It was all rolling around in my head. And then she said, love my dad very much. They, parents broke up after I graduated high school. She's calling from Washington state. And I thought, oh, son of a, I'm all wrong. I'm all wrong. And then boyfriend welding, dad biker, the whole thing, it's all bad.

1:20:19 Drew We'll all in on, Jay. It might do some good.

1:20:20 Adam All in on, be great, great. But proving once again, I'm right 1,000% of the time. Thank you. Josh?

1:20:28 Hey, what's up?

1:20:30 Adam You're 16.

1:20:30 Caller First of all, I just wanted to say that I'm a big fan of the show and I listen to you guys religiously every night. And I'm a big fan.

1:20:38 Adam Thank you, thank you.

1:20:39 Caller And I think what you guys do for everybody is great.

1:20:41 Adam Thank you, Josh. It's our pleasure.

1:20:43 Caller What's your question? My question is, my sex drive has been lowered for the last couple of days, and I was wondering if maybe melatonin can lower your sex drive, because I took like nine melatonin pills on Sunday night.

1:20:57 Drew Well, it's interesting. Almost any pharmacologic agent can affect your sex drive. It's actually a rather delicate system.

1:21:05 Adam Why did you take nine, by the way?

1:21:07 Caller Well, I was just really tired and depressed, so.

1:21:10 Drew Yeah, I think it's more likely to be the depression.

1:21:12 Caller Yeah, okay. Well, I've taken that many before, and it has never lowered my sex drive.

1:21:17 Drew Anything else, ecstasy or speed?

1:21:19 Caller No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not into any of the others.

1:21:22 Drew Good, it's just part of the depression.

1:21:24 Adam And by the way.

1:21:25 Drew Men have sort of biological rhythms. They kind of up and down. Don't they work out more? Sometimes it goes up.

1:21:31 Adam At 16, it wouldn't hurt to ratchet down the boner just a little bit.

1:21:35 Drew Yeah.

1:21:36 Adam You have a girlfriend, Josh?

1:21:37 Caller No.

1:21:38 Adam What do you need a sex drive for, then?

1:21:40 Caller Well, I mean, I usually jack off every day, but.

1:21:43 Adam Right.

1:21:44 Caller But I haven't since like Saturday night.

1:21:47 Drew He's off his rhythm, Adam, you can appreciate that.

1:21:48 Adam Wow, wow. All right, buddy. Do I need to send the team out there or are you going to be okay? Because I can kickstart you. How? I'll give you a jump. I'm like the AAA.

1:22:04 Drew Oh, I see.

1:22:04 Adam I'll come out there and jump you.

1:22:05 Drew Oh, it's just like a big.

1:22:06 Adam It's like you're broken down on the side of the road. I come out there with my alligator cables and I'll get you going again. You know what I'm saying?

1:22:14 Drew I see.

1:22:14 Adam I'll give you a jump. Yeah, it's like, yeah, your battery's went out, you're on the side of the road, I pull up, I put the jumper cables on there.

1:22:21 Drew I haven't heard about your team in a long time. You used to send out your team to sort of, to select targets for, for, for a, for a, strategical strikes. And now you're using, deploying the team for good. They wore the, they wore the banana leaf hats, remember?

1:22:36 Adam Yeah, we had a leaf hat.

1:22:38 Drew They used straw hats.

1:22:40 Adam Yeah, straw hats and the Hawaiian shirts and Ray Bans and they used silencers.

1:22:45 Drew Oh, well, but now you don't need the guns, no weapons.

1:22:48 Adam A lot of them are ex-Cuban patriots, actually, recruited. No, what we do now is we come into the home, we tarp it off, we get the guys in the gear, we tell the usually teenager subject, as we call them, just to lie down and we basically, let me explain. As a doctor, the heart, when it gets out of rhythm, that can be very dangerous. And you have to hit it with a shot of electricity, sometimes to get it back onto its cadence. I do that for kids who don't beat off.

1:23:28 Drew I see. Are you shocking the Johnson or shocking the spine or the brain or all three areas?

1:23:35 Adam I cannot really divulge.

1:23:37 Drew What's the trade secret? I say, well, that's good. You will publish some paper on it.

1:23:42 Adam There's some patents pending and I don't really want to talk about that on the air.

1:23:45 Drew You've got to put the science out first before you make it.

1:23:46 Adam Suffice it to say, we get the hard back on rhythm. Guys like Josh that were-

1:23:51 Drew The hard back on rhythm.

1:23:53 Adam Two guys that were once twice a day, all of a sudden it's been four or five days. Look, you're beating off twice a day and you miss a Tuesday because you went to your granny's funeral. I'm not gonna send the team out.

1:24:06 Drew You might, but you're gonna have an assessment first.

1:24:08 Adam I'm not gonna send the team out. Come Thursday, yeah, the van's gonna be pulled up in front of the house.

1:24:15 Drew Because at that point Apache.

1:24:18 Adam Apache and they repel. We don't need to, we could drive up to the house. I insist that they repel from Apache helicopter. Down in the house, it's been three, four days now. I call it code white and something's gotta be done because this kid's as close to finding Jesus Christ. And I can't have that on my watch. All right, let's take yourselves a little break. We'll be, I wish you guys could just see the look on engineer Chris's post.

1:24:49 Drew Yeah, I just saw that look. He was very entertained, wasn't he?

1:24:53 Caller He'd say, he's got a look. It's got a look, it's got that look.

1:24:57 Adam You know, engineer Chris, here's a look engineer Chris has. He has that look you give after you take a slug out of the milk container that's in the refrigerator. But the milk hasn't gone bad yet, or at least overtly bad.

1:25:13 Drew But it's not right.

1:25:15 Adam Something's different. Something's different. He's got that look you give when you're trying to read the date on the top of it, after you've taken a swig that seems, again, not putrid, just not quite right.

1:25:29 Drew It also reminds me of the sort of the cashier, the checkout woman at the counter when you're pulling up after a big long line and she's sort of greeting you, but sort of like, let's get on with it, let's get on with it.

1:25:39 Adam When I'm done with you and your 30 pieces of cans of cat food, I'm gonna be taking a break.

1:25:45 Drew It's a smile, but it...

1:25:47 Adam Let's get through this. Yeah. Then I pay me enough. Yeah. That's right. Let's go to break. Let's go to break. We'll be back after this.

1:26:00 Drew Yeah.

1:26:01 Adam What are women most attracted to? That's right. You can't buy that confidence. At least you couldn't until now.

1:26:08 Drew What do we got?

1:26:08 Adam You got Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

1:26:10 Drew Oh my God.

1:26:11 Adam Spray that on. It's like slathering on the confidence. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1.

1:26:29 Caller Yep.

1:26:29 Adam Yeah.

1:26:30 Drew Mercifully.

1:26:30 Adam Who do you want to talk to? Brett?

1:26:32 Caller Yep.

1:26:32 Adam All right. Brett?

1:26:35 Caller Hey guys, what's going on?

1:26:37 Adam What's happening, my man?

1:26:38 Caller I'm doing pretty good.

1:26:39 Adam Fantastic.

1:26:40 Caller I'm really excited to be on with you guys.

1:26:42 Adam We're excited to have you on the show. And as you know, the callers are the show.

1:26:48 Caller Oh, well, when the ace man isn't the show.

1:26:51 Adam Well, that's true.

1:26:52 Drew What's up, Brett?

1:26:53 Caller Hey, I just, first of all, wanted to say, Dr. Drew, I've been trying really hard to get ahold of your book, but every time I get to the bookstore, it's sold out. So congratulations, you're selling really well here.

1:27:04 Drew Anybody who read it and likes it, please put some positive reviews up on the Amazon website. Stop reading those things you're waiting in. I had it for a long time, and I went out tonight, I went, there's some wonderful ones, but there were some hideous ones.

1:27:19 Caller Drew has the torture.

1:27:20 Drew There's 200 reviews up there, so it's bound to be some bad ones. But the ones that are so-

1:27:24 Adam Drew, stop torturing yourself.

1:27:26 Drew I'm empty and mindless and acting out. I can't stand that.

1:27:29 Adam I've never, I've never gone on the computer and put my name into it before. It would be torture.

1:27:35 Drew It is torture.

1:27:35 Adam Don't do it.

1:27:36 Caller All right, go ahead, Brett.

1:27:39 Caller Oh, yeah, so, yeah, I've been with my girlfriend for a little bit over a year, and we have a really wonderful relationship, and we both love each other entirely, and we've come up upon this little issue recently where, I mean, we've been doing what couples do sexually, but she seems to be afraid to have sex, and everything up to oral, we both are very comfortable with and enjoy entirely, but it seems that she is afraid. She's voiced that she's afraid and doesn't know what.

1:28:21 Drew You're 18, how old is she?

1:28:22 Caller She is 16. Yeah, I know, and I knew you guys would have an issue with that.

1:28:27 Drew Well, it's not so much an issue, is that a 16-year-old really might not be ready for this. It's an overwhelming experience.

1:28:33 Adam And you've never had, is she a virgin?

1:28:36 Caller Yes, we both are.

1:28:38 Adam Both are, she, Brett. What? Quiet down. Okay. Brett's 18, but he's one of the good ones.

1:28:45 Drew Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely. And that's why I don't have an issue with him seeing her and just the way he's treating her and whatnot. Yeah. And it is within the law in California.

1:28:53 Adam And you guys have been together for how long?

1:28:55 Caller For a year, over a year.

1:28:57 Drew She was, he was 17, she was 15.

1:28:59 Adam Over a year. Yeah.

1:29:00 Drew It works.

1:29:00 Adam Okay. And you'd like to lose your virginity.

1:29:05 Caller Yeah, I plan on being with her for quite a while, yeah.

1:29:08 Drew I would still really urge you not to push her.

1:29:11 Caller Oh, no, I don't. In fact, I've been speaking with her a little bit, actually just with your inspiration, listening to what you have to say on the radio all the time.

1:29:21 Adam You rant about traffic for 20 minutes at a time?

1:29:25 Caller That too. But with what Dr. Drew often discusses about sexual abuse histories and...

1:29:33 Drew Has she got some history?

1:29:35 Caller Well, we started talking about that just maybe a month ago. And I mean, I have my own history, which isn't so filled with sexual abuse as it is with a little bit of physical and psychological. But she is unsure, which is interesting, but she has never said no or yes. She's unsure as to whether there's been abuse. And I think she says she can clearly remember her childhood, but that there are some...

1:30:06 Adam Well, how is her relationship with her family?

1:30:09 Caller Her relationship with her mother and sister is excellent. And with her father, it's very distant. But the parents are together.

1:30:17 Drew Why is it so distant with dad?

1:30:18 Adam Dad's an attorney or something?

1:30:20 Caller No, no, actually her dad, I mean, he did work full-time until two months ago that he got laid off. But no, it's nothing like an attorney or anything like that. It's clerical work, but-

1:30:34 Drew Why distant from him, why?

1:30:36 Caller Why distant? Just because, what she has voiced to me is that she saw something happen between her parents about four years ago. All right, so they can freak out a little bit.

1:30:52 Drew The voice, she's a little freaked out. Brad's a good guy. Yeah, the fact that she's with him says something good. She's not really behaving like a trauma survivor. She's got some issues, some phobic preoccupation. She's still young, can't process all this. She'll get through this. Yes, she'll get through. Give her some time.

1:31:08 Adam You trying to sort of rush her sexual encounter with you, the intercourse part is like you trying to get a shrub to grow by standing next to it and like yelling at it. It's just put a little water on it, hit it with a little manure.

1:31:24 Drew Give it some time.

1:31:25 Adam Hope God, the clouds part and God smiles on it, a little sunshine and don't worry, it'll happen. You standing yelling at it, it's just not gonna really do anything and that's fine. And Brad's a good guy and you may screw it up. So fine, but.

1:31:41 Drew But here's where the 16, 18 thing does get in the way. At 18, you're sort of in a different place and it's gonna be hard to wait the two or three years it takes her to come around.

1:31:49 Adam Right, and they're having oral sex. So I'm gonna give it six months.

1:31:55 Drew At least.

1:31:56 Adam If you don't get it in six months, you can call us back and I'll send the van over. Or the Cherokee.

1:32:02 Drew Let's quickly take five real quick. Christina, 19.

1:32:05 Adam You've never been to the gyno?

1:32:08 Caller Never.

1:32:08 Adam You're having sex.

1:32:10 Caller Yes.

1:32:10 Drew Then you have to go.

1:32:11 Caller Yeah, my question was, how confidential is it in regards to my parents?

1:32:18 Drew You are an adult, you are an adult. The doctor cannot share any information with anybody other than under your explicit direction.

1:32:25 Adam Yeah, they have the HIPAA laws and they have the narco.

1:32:30 Caller So it wouldn't accidentally come out.

1:32:33 Caller I don't know, I don't know.

1:32:35 Drew There's no accident against the law.

1:32:36 Adam You're gonna publish it in JAMA?

1:32:38 Caller Well, no, I just have this whole picture of going into the office and they're like, oh, yeah, since your daughter is sexually active and her-

1:32:46 Drew Well, if you have discovered the boundary problems in the relationship with this particular doctor, go to another doctor, it's fine.

1:32:53 Adam That's right.

1:32:54 Drew Plan Parenthood.

1:32:55 Adam Go to Plan Parenthood.

1:32:55 Drew If you're at a school, the school has tons of health services for you.

1:32:58 Adam College, that is. We'll take a quick break, we'll be right back.

1:33:01 Caller Alright guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

1:33:05 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:33:07 Caller One call is all you need to make. Call the dateline.

1:33:10 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:16 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:33:18 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:21 Drew Bow wow wow.

1:33:23 Caller This hour brought you apart by Axe.

1:33:26 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

1:33:27 Drew The Axe Effect.

1:33:41 Adam So, tomorrow night, the man who has been in not every movie ever made, but every third movie ever made.

1:33:51 Drew Since the beginning of time.

1:33:52 Adam That's right, Jeremy Piven, tomorrow night. And God bless you. Until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew, saying Mahala.

1:34:05 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, July 13, 2004