Episode 1000629008587

3:00 Drew It is Loveline. The phone number here is LOVE191. This is Dr. Drew. Adam Corolla had an operation today, and I know you all heard him say that he'd be in tonight, but no effing way. I went to visit him at the hospital today, and he was pale, pasty, whiny, doing okay, but sick as hell having just had a surgery. And so I have the great good fortune of having with me tonight, filling in for him, Nicole Alvarez from Kroq here in Los Angeles, and Nicole will be a breath of fresh air. In fact, do you box?

3:31 Adam Do you want to?

3:32 Drew Because if you box, maybe when he comes in here, you can just.

3:33 Adam I do, actually. My father was a boxing promoter, so growing up, he would take me to the gyms, and I can throw a hella mean right.

3:39 Drew Would you take care of that man if he decides to come back in here?

3:41 Adam I've asked you several times if you are opposed to my ever, I don't know, one day meeting him in the hallway and just knocking him the hell out for the sake of us all.

3:48 Drew See, Nicole has to cross Adam. See, and Nicole in Los Angeles does the show just ahead of ours oftentimes, and Adam sort of mistreats her. We shouldn't disparage him. Yeah, you're right.

3:58 Adam Which is even worse.

3:59 Drew Yeah, those of you who have ever met Adam can understand exactly what I'm talking about, but we shouldn't disparage him tonight. He's not, he's defenseless, he's on his back, he's had both hernias operated on. He actually had a very funny experience with my neighbor and a friend of mine who's an anesthesiologist was there doing his anesthesia and he's actually a Jamaican, but he looks African American. And the guy ran and grabbed me in the hall and he goes, hey, your friend Corolla here just says you moved out of our neighborhood because there are black people living there. I was like, what? And Adam now medicated. I go in there, I go, what are you doing? And he goes, well, it's uncomfortable. I said, you didn't like how the neighborhood was going. And so while you had to move out.

4:38 Adam You know what, though, unfortunately, he's an ass of Olympic size proportions, but he's talented and I enjoy his rants and raves. So with that said, I would like to introduce our guest today, Melissa Auf Der Maur. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to give her a round of applause.

4:53 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Hello, good evening.

4:53 Adam How are you doing, Melissa?

4:57 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Where's my laugh track?

4:58 Adam It's in there somewhere.

4:59 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I'm pretty good.

5:00 Adam Well, thank you for joining us, first of all, because you did your in-store at Amoeba today.

5:04 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I did, it was wonderful. And I just now on the way here, I realized that's a free show. People can come see free shows, how fun. It was really good. Lots of really, really good smiley people who like rock music.

5:16 Adam You know, another thing you have to guess, congratulations on the fact that you're free. And you're free, you're finally, she's finally on her own, Dr. Drew.

5:23 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I'm an independent agent, yes.

5:24 Adam Here's the thing, she spent five years, was it, with Hole?

5:27 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez That's right.

5:28 Adam And then she played with the Smashing Pumpkins, both of which are bands that were led by very...

5:34 Drew Strong personalities.

5:35 Adam Strong personalities, thank you for the safety net. I appreciate it. So you were just there, cause you love to play music, get the roller coaster ride. It's safe to say, kept you on your toes.

5:45 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Absolutely, yeah, defined me entirely. Those are my big training formative years. Instead of going to college, I went to Hole.

5:58 Adam Now, going branching out on your own, is it a breath of fresh air or are you still kind of looking around for that strong, are you waiting for somebody to come in and just be a fruitcake?

6:07 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Whoa, what? Okay, fruitcake, music, independence, which way I'm trying to understand. But good question, I know it is a big relief. I feel like I officially graduated. Like I feel like I literally did my studies and now I am the captain of my own ship. I am the master of my destiny. I am very relieved.

6:25 Drew Nicole knew a lot about you. She was anxious to be with you.

6:29 Adam You've got a lot of history. And the cool thing is when I was reading about your album, one thing that you said is no matter who you played with, even in this album, you've always been present in your music. So that's always been the driving force. And then you got to choose a lot of them. I'll show it to you if you want.

6:43 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I talk a lot, so I'm trying to.

6:45 Adam Your record label actually gave me that little bit of info. And then you got to choose your friends or people that you musically respect for this album.

6:51 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Right, well, the actual overall spirit of the album was that I was self-financing it and I literally wanted to make my dream record, meaning with whoever, wherever, however, and I'm only answering to my heart. I'm not answering to anything. I'm not answering to money or musical goals, even just who I love, what I love, and when I want. Do you live in Los Angeles? No, do I live here? No, I'm back up in Canada. I'm from the East Coast anyhow, but no, I did make the majority of the record here though, because this is where the studios and where the people are, it's, yeah. So I could record here.

7:22 Adam Was self-financing a huge deal for you as far as this? It's just, it's part of the point that you-

7:27 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez It was a horrible business move.

7:28 Adam Yeah, really?

7:29 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez It was really good for the music though.

7:31 Adam Then that's what it's all about.

7:32 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yeah, absolutely, creative freedom all the way, and that's what I wanted, yeah.

7:37 Adam Well, congratulations on your freedom. I'm very excited for you, because A, it's getting rave reviews, and B, I've always been a big fan of yours. Any, just, you've always been just very kind of in the background, but the music, you're a badass. Did you know that?

7:50 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I just love my bass. I realize, like, every day when I meet people, I'm like, I love bass, I love bass. I realize that bass is my best friend. It has brought me all over the world. It's like my magic carpet that I get to go everywhere, anywhere, all because of this relationship I have with this instrument, which is really just the channeling of this bigger thing, this infinite universe of music that we're all so lucky, whether you're playing bass or working in a radio station to have in our lives. I mean, music is absolutely a gift from above.

8:18 Drew Well, we're going to take some calls. And I just realized that this show is usually overburdened by testosterone, but tonight we have four X chromosomes.

8:25 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I guess my one Y. Explain to me what the usual scenario is here.

8:29 Adam Adam Carolla has a hernia, had a hernia because it is no longer a problem. Is it Dr. Drew?

8:33 Drew He had a hernia operation.

8:34 Adam Yes, so it's usually male infused in here. And so now, not only do they have myself.

8:39 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez So are you replacing or are you revisiting?

8:41 Adam I work at Kroq, so I'm just sitting in for Adam. And then we have you, so Dr. Drew gets the pleasure of working with us.

8:46 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez And you're the mellow one anyhow, right?

8:48 Drew Normally, he accused me of having excessive estrogen in my veins anyway.

8:51 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Okay, right, so you're like the sensible, sensitive one and the other one's the meanie.

8:55 My balls hurt, they'll never heal.

8:59 Drew That's what he sings tonight. This is now, we'll go to calls. Brittany, you're 17, Brittany.

9:03 Caller Hello.

9:04 Adam Hey there.

9:06 Caller I've been with my boyfriend for about a month and a half.

9:09 Caller And from a relationship he was in previously, he got done with a war.

9:14 Drew Brittany, Brittany, we can't really hear you. Speak up, speak right into the phone too.

9:17 Adam Project, my dear, project.

9:19 Drew Here we go.

9:20 Caller I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a month and a half. And he was in a relationship and he had got done with a war. And we've had sex a couple of times and protected. I was wondering if there was a possibility that I could get it.

9:33 Drew Guaranteed.

9:35 Adam Yeah, I'm not even board certified in life like Dr. Drew, but that was just a stupid move.

9:39 Drew Yeah, it's on his skin. And when his skin contacts the vaginal lining, you get it instantaneously.

9:45 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Oh yeah, safe sex for everybody, please. Yeah.

9:49 Does that mean I have it?

9:50 Drew That means you have it. That means you might be able to infect other people with it. You have to be careful because the kinds of wart virus that tend to persist, the ones that cause the warts and the ones you have visible warts that don't seem to go away are the ones that are also associated with cervical cancer. So here's the important message for you. You are sexually active now. You probably and all likely would have the wart virus. Time to get pelvic exams at least every year so you can make sure this doesn't convert into a cancer. This is John 21. John.

10:20 Adam Hey baby, John. Are you there?

10:23 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez He's gone, John.

10:24 Drew You know, he seems to be gone, but you know we have a phone problem where the phone kind of blanks out so we gotta be a little bit, he's gone, okay.

10:30 Adam Bye John.

10:31 Drew Bye John. This is Natalie. Natalie. Go right ahead. Hello.

10:37 Adam Hello, we got the hello part. Hi Natalie, how you doing? What's the problem? All right, what's up, dear?

10:43 Caller I have a question about spotting and stuff because-

10:49 Drew You've come tonight, you've come to the right place.

10:52 Caller Good, I'm glad there's a couple of chicks and even though I do miss Adam, I'm glad there's some chicks for reference. The last three or four periods I've had, there were only a couple of weeks in between them. And sometimes, and I think even once, there was only like one week in between.

11:11 Drew So you're having frequent and irregular periods, yeah. And are you on the pill?

11:15 Caller No, I'm not on the pill or the patch or anything.

11:18 Drew Are you on any medication?

11:19 Caller No.

11:20 Drew Well, that can be a lot of different things. That's not spotting, that's mid-cycle bleeding, and that's irregular periods, and spotting is when you have a normal cycle, but in somewhere in the middle there, you kind of have a few dots here and there that you don't expect. But this is really very irregular periods, and they can be, pregnancy can do that, believe it or not.

11:36 Caller That's what I was calling about because I don't know if it might be that I'm pregnant and I'm getting...

11:42 Drew Yeah, you should check it out because bleeding when you think you might be pregnant is considered a tubal pregnancy until proven otherwise.

11:48 Adam Yeah, and have you had relations without a condom? I mean, is there a reason to believe you're pregnant first? Let's just knock that out of the way.

11:54 Caller I'm in a very monogamous relationship right now, so we aren't really...

12:00 Drew The answer to your question is yes.

12:01 Adam Yes, basically you're having the boom boom, okay, with no little Jimmy hat. Okay, gotcha.

12:06 Drew Go get checked out now, it's very important. There's a real probability this could be a pregnancy and a possibly a tuable pregnancy, and that's kind of a serious thing. So this is Nicole, 23.

12:15 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Everybody's getting scared, I hate it.

12:18 Adam We'll make it easier for them.

12:20 Drew Nicole. Yes. Yes.

12:23 I'm 23 and since when I was 42.

12:28 Drew And who's 42?

12:31 Adam Can we just start over from the beginning in English?

12:34 Drew You're 23.

12:35 Adam You're 23. Your lover is 42? Uh-huh. Okay, we got it.

12:38 Drew My lover. Ladies, ladies, think now, just dig into your souls.

12:42 Adam Are you gonna ask the lover question?

12:44 Drew Yeah, what makes someone, what does it mean? So we started in love, we're trying to interpret people's behaviors and voices and how they make us feel. When a woman starts out with, well, my lover is 42, what the hell is she saying? What motivates her to say that?

12:56 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez The relationship is based on the romantic versus my partner or my husband, she's emphasizing the romance part.

13:05 Adam She's got the romantic chromosome, probably in overabundance of it.

13:09 Drew Let's not step back and stay in the wishful world that she's in and look at the real world and say, what does that mean about that relationship?

13:15 Adam I don't think it's ever...

13:16 Drew That means the guy is just using her or he's married or something?

13:19 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I don't think lover is good.

13:20 Drew And she's trying to make it into something more than it is?

13:23 Adam I think my lover means somebody else's husband, the guy that I sleep with, but that's I'm a little cynical.

13:29 Drew She's trying to put a spin on it.

13:31 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Or it's just to help the casual, intimate relationship.

13:35 Drew How old is your lover?

13:37 42.

13:38 Drew 42, twice her age, 42, he's 23. And so, are any of the things we're surmising about him accurate?

13:45 Um, yeah.

13:48 Adam Okay, now the question of the moment would be?

13:51 Drew Takes all kinds.

13:53 Well, actually, I am in love with him, but I didn't know his age until eight months after we started dating.

13:58 Drew Well, let's call him the A-hole that I date instead of my lover.

14:01 Adam I like that.

14:02 Drew The A-hole, I see. I like, that's a little more realistic.

14:05 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez But wait, are you saying he is married?

14:08 No, he's not. His fiancee that he was engaged to passed away.

14:13 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Oh.

14:15 Adam God, I'm going straight to hell.

14:16 Drew Are you dating Scott Peterson? Nothing.

14:18 Adam Nevermind. Soft-colored humor, courtesy of Kroq.

14:23 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Okay, but so are you asking if the age is a problem?

14:26 Well, it wasn't a problem to me until he had a newborn son, all of a sudden, rides up.

14:33 Drew Okay, so the eight hole I'm dating, the question is, the eight hole I see and sleep with, and the question is? No.

14:45 Adam No.

14:45 Drew Let's be real clear. Vote, ladies, Chris, vote, yes or no?

14:49 Adam Perez, Perez.

14:49 Drew No, Perez, Chris Perez.

14:51 Adam He of little words. Engineer Chris of little words.

14:54 Drew Says, I was drinking my coffee.

14:58 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I would have to hear more details and I know we don't have time for it. So, but I, first of all, I don't think the age is a problem. And if this is a child from a very serious other relationship that he's having parallel to yours, obviously. Okay, well, no, that's, but that's a little odd that he has a child that came out of nowhere.

15:17 Adam Really quickly, because he had a fiance who passed away and then all of a sudden he has a newborn child and he's, I'm just confused.

15:22 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Right.

15:22 Adam So no.

15:23 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yeah. Okay. There might be a problem. A hole. And also if you have patterns, usual patterns of A holes, then probably this could be another.

15:31 Drew So there you go.

15:32 Adam One more time in unison, no.

15:34 Drew A hole. Melissa, this is exactly the point. If you are a trauma survivor and you have a history of reenacting disruptive or dysfunctional relationships, and this is yet another one, just take a good look at it. And the one thing, the one variable but all of this that can be changed is Nicole. Not Nicole Alvarez, Nicole DeColin. Laurel 13.

15:55 Caller Hi.

15:56 Drew Hey Laurel.

15:57 Caller Hey.

15:57 Caller Oh my God, I love you guys just like, you know. I'm like every night and you guys are awesome. But yeah, I was diagnosed with like bipolar.

16:06 Drew Hey Laurel, Laurel, I'm gonna stop you for a second. Wouldn't you, don't you think it's probably a good thing that Adam's in here tonight, given you've got like a television blaring in the background?

16:14 Adam Yeah, and yeah, yeah, yeah.

16:16 Drew If you listen every night. What is it?

16:19 Adam Is it the radio?

16:20 Drew Radio, what is it?

16:22 Adam I'm just trying to tell you, the voices in my head tend to be a little loud.

16:27 Drew Laurel, if Adam had been here, he would have hung up on you instantly just for that transgression. You know that about him. You listen every night.

16:32 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Don't listen to music, it's bad.

16:34 Drew He's not here, I'm gonna give you a second. Unacceptable.

16:38 Adam All right, because he's not here, this is your free get out of jail card, so shoot, Laurel.

16:42 Caller Okay, thank you. Okay, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, like a while ago, I don't really remember when, but like the symptoms have been there since like two years ago when I was like 11, and I also like cut myself, and I just wanted to know like, are the two things related?

17:00 Drew They're related, but they're not necessarily caused, in other words, being a cutter is not necessarily caused by the bipolarity. Being bipolar, being a cutter does suggest sometimes when they're manic, become cutting, usually both together suggest a pretty heavy trauma history. What happened to you?

17:20 Caller Well, I don't know. I don't really think that there's any like trauma. There was this one thing, but it just, I don't know.

17:27 Drew There wasn't, there wasn't?

17:30 Caller My, okay, I was my best friend's brother, who's four years older than me. I was like 12 at the time and he was 16. And we were at his, we were at his house because I was like spending the night at my friend's house. And he was like sitting and moving and watching TV and her parents were home. So it was just like the three of us that were there. Me and him were watching TV because my friend was taking a shower. And like he was just seeing a jag ass. So I went up in his face and flipped him off and he got my finger and bent it like all the way back. Pushed my head down and he's like, give me head bitch. And then, yeah.

18:10 Adam But nothing happened. You actually have to follow, I mean, were you able to get away from that situation?

18:15 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez So I don't think, I mean, isn't it also possibly then just a chemical possibility?

18:20 Drew Absolutely. And maybe the cutting is related to her bipolarity. When she gets manic, she gets, you know, can't manage the feeling of mania and just starts cutting and acting impulsively. So it may all be bipolar.

18:29 Adam Yeah, and as far as your friend's brother, next time just kick him in the balls and leave. Simple as that.

18:33 Drew Thank you, Nicole. Chelsea 18.

18:38 Caller I am freaking out.

18:39 Caller I've been listening to you guys since I was 13.

18:43 Drew You sound depressed tonight, though.

18:46 Caller Just don't want my family to hear me.

18:48 Drew Okay, by the way, let's see. We are 15 minutes into the show and we've already taken more calls than the average Corolla episode. It's two hours.

18:55 Adam Fascinating.

18:55 Drew Yes, it is. Okay, Chelsea, what's up?

18:58 Caller I've been going out with a kid for eight months and recently I got back on birth control and every time after we have sex, I start to bleed.

19:08 Drew That's very common, especially on birth control pills. The lining of the uterus is a little-

19:13 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez The pill is the worst.

19:14 Drew Well, lining of the uterus is a little unstable on the pill sometimes and intercourse can stimulate that. Do you smoke a lot of pot?

19:20 Caller No.

19:21 Drew Don't. You do not?

19:22 Caller I used to, but I don't anymore.

19:25 Drew I could still hear the laugh. She's still got the pot laugh. You only stopped like six months ago though, right?

19:31 Caller No, actually over a year ago.

19:32 Drew A year ago, huh?

19:33 Adam It's freaky how you're just, you're a freak of nature, Dr. Drew.

19:36 Drew They can pick that up off the voice.

19:38 Adam Wow.

19:39 Drew So Chelsea, it's no big deal. It's a common side effect and just let it be that, okay? All right. Bye. This is now CJ 25. We're gonna hear Melissa's song after the break, okay? Yes, we are. Guest tonight is Melissa Auf Der Maur. Filling in Fred and Corolla is Nicole Alvarez. And you are 25.

20:05 Hey, by the way, I love listening to you guys. You guys keep me awake at work at night and you guys make my day.

20:11 Drew You're not like a truck driver and airline pilot or something, are you?

20:15 No, I'm a repo man.

20:15 Adam Oh, repo man.

20:19 Oh yeah. My question is, I've been dating my wife for probably about three years. And before we got married, we were having sex three, four times a day. And it wasn't even that I had to prompt her to do it. It was that she wanted it. And now all of a sudden that we've been married a year and I can't count how many times we've had sex on one hand. I mean, it's just like pulling teeth anymore to get it done.

20:45 Adam Ladies, what does that mean? You're not having sex at all?

20:50 Drew Barely.

20:51 Caller No, barely at all.

20:53 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez It's common for things to slow down.

20:55 Adam Yeah, very common.

20:56 Drew But this is coming to a grinding halt. A two year relationship, marriage, and it really stopped immediately after the wedding?

21:03 Caller Yeah, and I mean, I love the girl to death, but it's really making me question my relationship, and I don't want to go-

21:10 Drew The last time I had almost exactly this call, the woman had been put on antidepressants immediately after the wedding, and that shut her down. Anything like that happen? Or a birth control pill?

21:20 Caller I'm on Prozac.

21:21 Adam Oh, you are?

21:22 Drew No, what about her?

21:23 Caller No, she's not on anything. Her mom is manic-depressant, but her mom used to pop a lot of downers and stuff.

21:30 Adam Well, let me ask you a question. Has your behavior towards her changed at all after marriage? In the sense, you know, usually when you're dating or you're in that process, you tend to court a lot more or be a little more, you know, make her feel more like a woman. When you get in a relationship long-term, you get into this comfort zone and the comfort zone prevents people from, you know, you still need to date when you're married and you still need to court. Do you still treat her the way you used to? Or has any of that dwindled off?

21:56 Caller Oh yeah, I mean, I still take her out on dates, you know. I send her flowers all the time for absolutely no reason. Buy her cards, you know, I'll...

22:04 Drew Oh, so here's the problem is CJ's gay. You're gay.

22:08 Adam No, but in these days, he may be a metrosexual.

22:11 Drew A metr- whatever.

22:12 Adam Something or other.

22:13 Drew No, CJ, so we don't know what's going on with her. You're gonna have to talk to her.

22:17 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez But are you communicating? That's the big question. Are you communicating with her? That's probably the only way to answer.

22:22 Drew But you guys, this is such a massive change. Is this a woman who's having sex four times a day? Now, there's a couple things here that happens. One is sometimes when people have been sexually abused, they have what's called a bipolar reaction. They're sexual. They go from hypersexual to shut down frigid. And things like a marriage and things that change the quality of the relationship or the meaning of the relationship can induce that kind of a change. So A, she could be a trauma survivor. B, her mom, she just said her mom was a drug addict. Makes me worry this girl might be doing some substances that were sexually addictive and switch from sex not a drug.

22:54 Caller She had a bad coke problem back in the day, but she...

22:57 Drew All right, drugs are back. I guarantee it. Just go with my spidey sense. I've dealt with too many addicts every day. I know, I smell it when it's around.

23:05 Adam Yeah, trust him on this one.

23:07 Drew It's phenomenal. She's using something. So just check it out. I'm not wrong on that one. Well, Melissa Auf Der Maur, who's now depressed.

23:16 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yes, everything is so traumatizing.

23:19 Drew What is the name of the CD?

23:20 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez It's just my, it's just the name, the unpronounceable family name I was born with.

23:27 Adam It's Auf Der Maur, and I think it's a great-

23:29 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Is it Dutch or is it German? It's Swiss German.

23:30 Adam And it means on the wall?

23:32 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez On the wall.

23:33 Drew The Swiss German is a separate language. A lot of people don't appreciate that.

23:38 Adam What did you just say?

23:39 Drew Swiss Deutsch.

23:40 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yeah, Swiss German.

23:42 Drew It sounded like a chocolate bar.

23:44 Adam Do you want to listen to the song now? Should we go to break and come back and listen?

23:46 Drew We'll come back, we'll take a call, and we'll go immediately to the song. All right, so this is Loveline. Sitting in tonight for Adam Carolla is Nicole Alvarez. Adam had his bilateral herniography today. He was-

23:57 Adam Our thoughts and prayers are with him.

23:59 Drew No, he was not a big baby. He was, he took it well, but he was pale and pasty and disorganized when I saw him after the operation. Talked to his wife about two hours ago, said, he's so pale. He just told me he didn't think he should go into work. I'm like, no, can't he go into work?

24:15 Adam Yeah, you should have told him that way before.

24:17 Drew It's questionable whether he should have gone home for God's sakes. And the guest tonight is Melissa Auf Der Maur. We're gonna hear something from her new album after we return.

24:30 Now you and a guest could enjoy three nights at Chicago's House of Blues experiencing a series of amazing live concerts. And we'll get you there. Go to www.bluejamsessions.com to enter to win and to see complete rules brought to you by Blue from American Express.

24:54 Adam I am a strange voice. I am Nicole Alvarez, sitting in for Adam Carolla. I work at Kroq. I just came over and did the thing. Dr. Drew is here. Thanks for having me, by the way.

25:01 Drew God bless you. Thank you for filling in. I don't know quite what it's like to do a radio show without somebody sitting there farting. The phone number here is 1-800-LOVE-191-ALVAREZ. I mean, Chris can fill in for you, Chris Perez.

25:12 Adam Perez, my dear. We have Melissa Auf Der Maur here with us tonight, who just released her solo album, Auf Der Maur. She is free from others and doing this on her own. So we're gonna play a song, it's the single right now, it's called Follow the Waves.

25:23 Drew But we usually take one call first.

25:25 Adam Do we really?

25:25 Drew That's sort of our thing, yeah.

25:26 Adam But that's Adam's thing or your thing, or together?

25:29 Drew Listen, I will, no, it's sort of the rhythm of the show, but I will refer to you tonight.

25:34 Next caller, please.

25:35 Next caller, please.

25:36 Adam Okay, there you go.

25:37 Drew We'll do a real quick one. Fine, no problem. Except if we only had some calls from worth, come here's a weird one. This is George 22. George, dude, what's happening?

25:49 Caller Hey, man, I made up my question, but actually I didn't really, I sort of made it up, but I just called in to talk.

25:57 Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore.

25:59 Drew You want to hear Melissa Auf Der Maur's song. So what is it?

26:04 Caller I just want to know where Adam is, for one.

26:07 Drew He had his, he had a spermatic cord pushed back in his abdomen. He had a hernia repair.

26:16 Caller Really? That's kind of like the penis question. We might have had relations.

26:24 Drew Nicole, what was that?

26:27 Adam See, I knew, I knew that was coming and that's why.

26:30 Drew Your intuition is far stronger than mine. Alexis, 20.

26:32 Caller Hi, how are you?

26:34 Drew We're good, what's up?

26:36 Okay, I've been on Zoloft for like four years now, which I think might be kind of a problem anyway. But so I've like steadily increased my dosage over the last four years and I've been on the same dosage now for like the last couple of months. And in this last week, I haven't, I've been feeling like the withdrawal symptoms that I would feel if I had like skipped a day of pills or something, but I've been taking the recommended dosage and I don't know what to do.

27:05 Drew First of all, how much are you taking?

27:08 Right now I'm on 200 milligrams a day.

27:11 Drew And you've increased this yourself or with supervision?

27:13 With my psychiatrist.

27:15 Drew And the withdrawal symptoms are like a dizziness or something?

27:18 Kind of, it's weird. It's just like this little shock, maybe a couple of times a day. Sometimes it comes in like intervals of, I don't know, like five or six just at a time, but it's like this half second really uncomfortable feeling. It's like a little bit of dizziness. I don't really know.

27:33 Drew Are you on any other medication?

27:35 No.

27:36 Drew You know, I'm not sure anyone can answer that with great accuracy, exactly what that is. For instance, Paxil and Effexor can cause, or the ones that usually are thought to cause, withdrawal symptoms of what, very similar to what you're describing. I've never seen a withdrawal syndrome from Zoloft, but people do get some strange symptoms when they come off a high dose rapidly.

27:54 Well, but my point is that I haven't done anything in the last.

27:56 Drew No, I understand, but I just, one of the conundrums about being on high doses of any medication though, is it starts to induce a withdrawal earlier and earlier in the interval between the doses of the medication. Like if you were taking Xanax, say, and you started on a half milligram twice a day, all of a sudden you'll start having withdrawal symptoms and you start to increase to one milligram, then the withdrawal comes in again, you increase to two milligrams, all of a sudden you're having a withdrawal an hour after you take your Xanax. It's something about withdrawal, which is also not a well understood biology that causes, you really need to talk to a psychiatrist. Maybe it's time to kind of taper down and get through this and get on to something else.

28:31 Adam Well, if I may ask, are you mixing it with drugs or alcohol or anything of that sort?

28:40 Drew Nothing's changed. Yeah, but that's it for sure. A high dose of Zoloft, you can get something called a serotonin syndrome that can actually be kind of dangerous. And so if you're taking a stimulant with Zoloft, that is a big deal. Are you taking cocaine or speed?

28:53 No, I smoke a lot of pot.

28:54 Drew It's hard to smoke.

28:56 Which I know I shouldn't be dealing with the Zoloft, but it's not like I've started smoking more weed in the last week than I usually do.

29:02 Drew Here's the deal. You're being treated for the wrong diagnosis. You're a marijuana addict. All marijuana addicts are depressed. Get that treated. Don't take a bunch of medication or just cover something that's really missing the primary issue here. Now we can hear a song.

29:15 Adam All right, here we go. Some tunes.

29:16 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Smoke that pot and listen to this.

29:18 Adam Yeah, this is where there would be a good time for that. And this is actually a breath of fresh air. It's Melissa Auf Der Maur's Followed the Waves on Loveline, cute.

34:11 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I'm gonna shuffle his deck clean.

34:14 Adam Very nice, very nice. That is Melissa Auf Der Maur's first solo CD called Auf Der Maur in stores now. You want to say a little something about the CD really quick, about the musical journey, if you will?

34:24 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez The musical journey of my dream album. I made it in 2002. I took an entire year to make it, self-financed it like I said before so that I could completely protect the creative decision-making. And I had no one to answer to but myself and my love of music. And I invited all my favorite musicians on board to play. So every song has a different line up. So I have, you know, I had my list of favorite musicians, people I've played with before like Eric from Hole or James from the Pumpkins or my old band members from Canada.

34:55 Adam From Tinker?

34:56 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yeah, exactly.

34:57 Adam Josh Home is on there?

34:58 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Right, then we got the Queens guys. So I had my other short list of musicians. I had never had the opportunity to play with but I had toured with or had been a big influence on me one way or the other. So I got to invite those I wish to play with and those that I wanted to play with again. And I had like this utopia of this family of musicians that do it for the love. And it was the best year of my life.

35:19 Adam You can see it in your face, like just talking about it, you get the good.

35:21 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez It was really the best year of my life. I got to live it. I'm a huge just music fan and being able to live out for all the music fans of the world, my dream of being honest and in love with music was so good.

35:35 Drew Have you toured with any of these people?

35:38 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Even for this project? No, I mean, making a record is kind of like living out a fantasy. You can do whatever you want in the studio, but then I've been on tour for the last six months actually already, and I had to put a band together for the touring thing, because a touring thing is a commitment you need. Really, really committed, available people.

35:57 Drew Are there dates coming up we need to promote here?

36:00 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I played last night. I won't be back on the West Coast for a while.

36:04 Drew This show goes all over the country.

36:05 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez This show goes all over the country. At the end of this month, I start on the Curiosa Tour, which is the Cure Tour, but I'm fortunate I'm missing the West Coast. I know I'll be all over the rest of the country, but then we head back to Europe for the big summer festivals.

36:18 Drew Tonight's show is broadcast in 100 cities.

36:20 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Oh yeah, everywhere, the Curiosa Tour.

36:22 Drew Do you want us to talk, can we get those dates out?

36:24 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yeah, absolutely.

36:25 Adam Well, you can go to aufdermaur.com, and for those of you that need the spelling, it's aufdemar.com.

36:31 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Wait a second, A is in Apple, U-F is in Frank, D is in David, E-R-M is in Melissa, aur.com.

36:38 Caller AufDerMaur.

36:40 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Or capitalrecords.com might be easier for you.

36:43 Adam Yeah, I have a feeling you do that a lot, the spelling of the name. Oh my goodness, my whole life. Yeah, so go there and that will help you find Melissa Auf Der Maur.

36:50 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I'm all over the place all year.

36:52 Adam It's call time, Melissa.

36:53 Drew This is Mike, who's 20.

36:55 Hi.

36:56 Drew Hi, Mike, what's up?

36:58 Nothing much, I had kind of an opinion question for you guys. I'm in the military right now and my fiance is at home, but I wanted to find out either way I do this, it's gonna hurt her. You know, I've been up here, I haven't been home. I'm on my way back up there right now. But I don't know how to go about telling her that I have been.

37:27 Adam You don't know how to go about telling us, come on.

37:29 Drew Just say it.

37:30 Adam Just say it.

37:32 How to go about telling her that I've been sleeping with other people on post and off post in Washington.

37:38 Adam There, yeah.

37:39 Drew On post? I mean, while you're on guard?

37:41 Adam While you're on call or whatever.

37:46 Drew I wanna hear about this. What are you doing? Are you having sex while you're in, what?

37:52 Adam On the clock, basically.

37:53 Drew But what are you doing?

37:55 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez When he's not home.

37:56 Drew But what is the job you're supposed to be doing while you're having sex?

38:00 Well, it depends. I mean, sometimes I'm doing CQ, which is watching the front doors and stuff like that.

38:08 Adam Can we get the main job title really quick?

38:10 Drew Wait a minute. So you're a Marine with the white cat standing there at attention at the entrance to the White House?

38:15 No.

38:16 Drew No, what are you doing?

38:18 Basically, I deal with just the pay and everything for all the soldiers and everything.

38:25 Drew And so what, so somebody in the office you have sex with?

38:28 Well, there was at one point and then got rid of her because she was a bitch.

38:33 Drew You are a delight.

38:34 Adam Yeah, you're not far from your feelings for her.

38:37 Drew Yeah, this girl, she's gonna really miss a great catch.

38:40 Adam Yeah, you know what? If you have problems telling her, give me her phone number, I'll do it.

38:44 Drew So Mike, here's the bottom line. Bottom line is perhaps you wanna spare her feelings and just break up and just tell her this isn't working. If you do tell her it's obviously gonna hurt her, hopefully she will terminate the relationship. The most humane thing you can do for her is just end things. You're not ready to have a committed relationship. That's fine, you're 20. But don't pretend that you could or that it's not gonna hurt this other person who's investing so much in you when you're screwing around so much. All right, so Melissa Auf Der Maur is our guest. Nicole Alvarez is filling in for Adam Carolla. It is Loveline, the phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. And we'll return after this.

39:25 Adam Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

39:29 The complete Olympics this August from Athens on the Networks of NBC.

39:39 Drew Hey, it's Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm Dr. Drew, Adam Carolla is out, flat on his back, pale and pasty, and in pain, as I predicted, he's not quite as tough a guy as he thought he was. You know, here's the reason I've been sort of busting his nuts the last few days about this, is that it bothers me people won't submit to being a biological being. You know, this is what we are, you know what I mean? It's okay that you recuperate. It's okay to get old. It's those things are all good.

40:14 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez We're not superheroes, unfortunately.

40:16 Drew So I get a little offended when people deny their biological realities.

40:19 Caller I know, I know I sound like a prick.

40:21 Adam Yeah, yeah.

40:22 Drew And Nicole Alvarez sitting in for him tonight. She never sounds like a prick. And our guest is Melissa Auf Der Maur, who's Anderson just asked to have her CD, which in all the years I worked with Anderson, never requested.

40:34 Adam That's what I hear. That's a huge compliment.

40:37 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez It might be for his girlfriend.

40:41 Adam I could hear it in his voice and it's solely for him.

40:44 Drew I could hear it in his voice. That was for him. So we will continue to take calls here. This is Megan, who is 20. Megan? Hi, Megan. What's up? Hi.

40:52 I'm just calling because I've been dating this guy for a while and it's kind of embarrassing. But I really was wondering if you guys could help me because I kind of like I think about sex all the time and I really don't know what's wrong because it's only been recently. But I'm just wondering if it's something that because I care about my boyfriend a lot, but he's like I really need to be comfortable.

41:27 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Are you looking at other people or?

41:28 Drew Megan, poor Megan. You're having trouble with this. You've said a lot of things that were sort of disconnected.

41:33 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez You're embarrassed about something.

41:34 Drew Let's try to tie this together. You've recently become preoccupied about sex, correct? Yeah. Does it have to do with your feelings about this guy in this relationship?

41:43 No, no, not at all.

41:44 Drew Are you into this guy or do you want sex with other guys?

41:48 Well, no, I would be happy. I don't like that.

41:51 Adam You don't know.

41:52 Drew Megan, it's all good. You are fine. Don't be ashamed. It's all good. It's healthy. You're a healthy biological being just like we've been talking about.

41:59 Caller No, but that's the thing. It's like, I don't feel like, because I go to school. I'm in college right now. And like sometimes even when I'm in class, like I want to.

42:09 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Oh yeah, that's normal.

42:10 Adam Yeah, that's absolutely normal.

42:12 Drew So, males sit around like that from the age of 15. They think about it on average of six times a minute. And they're just sitting there thinking about that thing. It's hard for them to concentrate. They're getting erections. It's that's how a male has to deal. Now we're trying to figure out for you why it suddenly changed at the age of 20. Are you on any medication?

42:30 Caller No, I've been on birth control for a while.

42:32 Drew How long?

42:33 Caller Like, I don't know. I've always kind of been really horny, I guess.

42:39 Drew All right, that's fine, it's just got worse lately.

42:42 Caller Yeah, I don't know, it's like maybe. And I'm just wondering, because I love my boyfriend a lot, but I mean more.

42:50 Caller And I'm wondering if like...

42:51 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Definitely, if you're 20 years old, you should be experimenting.

42:54 Drew You need more with him? He's not keeping up, right? He's not... I don't know.

43:00 Adam Is he not satisfying you in the bedroom, my dear?

43:02 Drew Ladies talk to this one.

43:02 Adam Yeah, is he not satisfying you in the bedroom? Because if so, you should try talking him through it first. Although, you're a little uncomfortable talking about the situation, I can tell. But when you guys are having sex, try talking him through it. Kind of instruct him. Tell him what you like. If after that, he's not, let's say, you know, doesn't step up to the plate, then maybe you should... You're young. Cut it off.

43:22 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez However, though, if you're 20, I believe that what you should be doing is discovering what you do like. And I don't think you can do that without experimenting, obviously, with safe sex. But you must try it with other people.

43:34 Drew Megan, are you afraid?

43:35 Caller I don't want to cheat on him, but he's really quick and I don't really get...

43:42 Drew This isn't working.

43:42 Caller Quick?

43:43 Drew Yeah.

43:46 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I know. If you're a woman who is really into sex, which believe it or not, I believe not all women either are in tune with that. But if you're someone who's really openly excited about it and looking for it all the time, I really think you should go out and experiment with other people. It's really the best way. Because unfortunately, unlike men who are raised watching movies, reading books, told, given all these options of what it is that your desire is, women are at it. We have to find out for ourselves because there aren't any books and movies directed to us.

44:16 Drew Well, listen, I gotta interrupt you. Men, you can beat them to try to get them to stop putting their hands in their junk. Listen, I've raised a couple of males. You have to roll up newspapers and smack them at funerals to keep them from doing this. Men, their biology is so profound and they're under the influence of this hormone.

44:32 Adam Even the way you just said it is profound.

44:34 Drew It is unbelievable that we have to have these discussions about this. Some women have very high androgenic levels in their blood. This is actually well shown. You're a high androgen, what they call, tumescent female, Megan, that's fine.

44:46 Caller I don't want to have sex with a whole bunch of guys.

44:49 Drew I know, Megan. Here's the deal. You gotta find a guy that can keep up with your rhythm. You obviously need more than this guy to provide it. You can certainly give him the opportunity to just step up, as Nicole said, but if he can't, maybe this relationship isn't working, it is fine that you need more than he's able to deliver.

45:03 Adam One opportunity.

45:04 Drew Then tell him exactly what, you could barely express, here's where the problem is, Melissa. She felt so uncomfortable being this kind of woman. Women have a huge spectrum of their responsiveness. You're supposed to be the kind that's in Oprah magazine or in Cosmo. Men come in sort of one flavor. Women, it's like it's 31 flavors. It's just all over the place. And to sort of try to fit yourself into one box is shaming and it narrows the possibilities. It's ridiculous. You don't feel bad for how you are. You're fine.

45:35 Adam You're absolutely fine. And at the end of the day, you can just be true to how you feel emotionally and physically because when it's all said and done, you're going to be kind of, you've got your back for the rest of your life to do what makes you happy there.

45:46 Drew West 26.

45:48 Caller Oh, oh, whoa. Hey, hey, what's up, Mike?

45:52 Well, basically, I'm 26 years old. I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 19. I've done some research on it and I think I suffer from being overly shy.

46:08 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Antisocial too.

46:09 Drew Social phobia. Social phobia, you think?

46:13 Not sure.

46:14 Adam Is it with females only or in social gatherings? Are you also extremely shy?

46:19 Extremely shy. I mean, you put me into a group of people that I don't know and I shut up. I do my best to remain invisible.

46:27 Drew Well, so that's not a good thing, right?

46:30 Adam That's not a good thing at all.

46:32 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Do you work in a social place or can you join a club in the neighborhood?

46:36 I have no problem actually talking to like, I mean, talking to coworkers, that kind of stuff.

46:42 Adam It's a safe zone though, right? Because you're talking about something, you're talking about work most of the time. It's when you have to be stripped of your work in just a social setting where you're just, you have to converse that you're not comfortable. Do you have any friends? I don't mean to sound rude.

46:57 Oh, well, they're all down in San Diego, but not up here, no.

47:03 Drew What are you doing up there in Idaho?

47:05 I moved up here because I couldn't afford it down there in San Diego.

47:08 Drew How long ago?

47:12 I moved up here in 2000, so four years.

47:14 Drew And you've not been able to find any friends in four years?

47:18 No, not that I hang out with regularly, no.

47:22 Adam Have you tried going out with a coworker, like maybe happy hour or something like that, or you know, do you go to company functions?

47:28 No, I don't.

47:29 Adam Start baby steps.

47:30 Drew Yeah, I would look into this. That is not normal. It's not normal to be to be paralyzed in social situations. It's not normal to move into a new community and not form any relationship. Humans need other people.

47:42 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez You need friends.

47:43 Drew You need them. And you certainly aren't going to find any women to date if you don't have any relationships and meeting other people. Guys are fine. And that will build upon itself. You'll meet other people. But as Woody Allen would say, you know, it goes more than six months. I'd definitely look into it. And if you can't overcome these things, certainly there are therapists who can help you with that. And believe it or not, Medication Paxil has been an advocate for social folio. We talk a lot about medicines tonight. I'm not necessarily in favor of that, but that has been advocated. So it's Loveline. I'm Dr. Drew and Nicole Alvarez filling in for the herniorified Adam Carolla. Is that a real word? Herniorophy is. He went under the knife today. He was a model patient. He was, as you might imagine, pain in the ass, complaining about, oh, wait a minute. I had nurses running out there and going, this guy has a character in here. I see you guys are complaining about the gown.

48:28 Adam Oh my, I didn't even think about the nurses.

48:31 Drew Oh, the poor women. And Melissa Auf Der Maur is our guest tonight. We'll hear some more songs for her new CD after we return.

48:37 Caller Here it is, bottom line, it sucks being single today.

48:41 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

48:43 Caller Call the Dateline, call the Dateline, call the Dateline.

48:45 Caller 1-877-889-DATE.

48:52 Caller So get your problems ready, ready, ready. This hour brought to you in part by AXE, experience the AXE effect.

49:26 Adam We're back, I'm Nicole Alvarez, and for Adam Carolla tonight. He is herniated, and Dr. Drew is here. That is my own generic mutt word, but I think we're just having good fun. Melissa Auf Der Maur is our guest.

49:38 Caller Her first, hello, that's very nice.

49:40 Adam Her first CD, her first solo CD is just out. It's called Auf Der Maur, and we'll hear another track in a little bit, but I have learned, first, we take a call, right?

49:51 Hi, this is Brian.

49:55 Drew And this is where you asked the question, right?

49:57 Okay, my question is, I have a problem where, when I have sex with my wife, when I get to the end and I ejaculate, I don't feel like I have a satisfying orgasm. I get some pleasure, and it feels like it's leading up to some place, but it doesn't actually get me anywhere.

50:19 Drew You're 20. That's a little young to be having. Older men can experience that kind of thing in their 50s, 60s, and 70s.

50:24 Adam And a lot of women, from what I understand.

50:27 Drew You don't know personally about this?

50:29 Adam No, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, I do know from personal experience. Men tend to take women to a certain level and sometimes don't follow through.

50:36 Caller It's a little harder.

50:37 Drew Women, in fact, do complain about this. Again, there's a much greater range of, even within a given woman, her sexual experience.

50:46 Adam Absolutely.

50:46 Drew And certainly, woman to woman, things are very, very different. But men at 20, again, come, it's vanilla, one flavor. And unless there's something biological or pharmacologic going on or something really significant emotionally going on.

51:00 Well, I've talked to my doctor about it. I heard you guys talking to another gentleman about a possible thyroid problem.

51:07 Drew Thyroid or prolactin secreting tumor, something that affects the testosterone levels in your blood.

51:12 I had that checked out and it didn't lead anywhere.

51:14 Drew Thyroid, what checked out? Thyroid checked out? That's, no, no, no, you need a lot more than that. You need to see an endocrinologist.

51:23 Caller Okay.

51:23 Drew Okay, thyroid is a relatively unusual cause of this.

51:28 Caller The other problem I had is my wife and I were both virgins when we got together and so I keep thinking that, that, you know, that sex could be better with somebody else and I could have a satisfying orgasm with somebody else.

51:40 Drew Anderson, isn't there a question I want to ask him? From Salt Lake City? You're a Mormon?

51:46 Caller I'm not. But it's just something that's starting to become all consuming in my head. I start thinking about it.

51:54 Drew Are you Mormon? You're obsessing about whether or not this relationship is appropriate for you. Why did you marry the first woman that you sort of got together with?

52:03 Caller Well, I'm not Mormon, but it was a religious conviction to begin with. I'd wanted to only be with one person and, you know, as I've gotten older and sex hasn't been what I expected it, I start thinking about everything else. I mean, when we first started doing it, we were doing it, you know, every day, couple times a day. The whole experience was new and I enjoyed it more, you know, just because of the newness of the whole thing. And then as it's gotten more routine, I found it less and less enjoyable.

52:32 Drew Do you have kids?

52:34 Caller I have one and a second one on the way.

52:35 Drew All right, well listen, I just, this is one man's opinion here, that once you are a parent, you sort of relinquish the opportunity to experiment. You signed up, signed on the bottom line, you got married, now you have kids, now you're dead, that's priority one. Nothing else is more important than, I'm sorry, your happiness comes second. The child, what the children need is number one. So what you have to do is find a way to make this relationship work. And I suggest you consider some couples counseling because the fact is that there'll probably something that you can work out together that will be satisfying for you. The reality is going out and screwing around is not quite as fun as you might think it is.

53:09 Adam Have you considered therapy, have you considered couples counseling?

53:13 Caller Well, we had a little bit of marriage counseling when we had a problem, but it wasn't related to the sexual stuff.

53:17 Drew What was the problem?

53:21 Caller I just barely told her about it, about how I feel about the whole thing.

53:24 Drew What was the problem that you needed therapy for?

53:25 Caller I got a little too close to one of her best friends.

53:32 Drew Yeah, boy. All right, you gotta get some couples there. You got two kids, two kids. It's dad, dad, that's the moniker you wear now, okay? That's your job in life.

53:43 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez However, I'm gonna throw it out there that I don't think that unhappy marriages are necessarily the best thing for family upbringing. That's just the way I come from, but.

53:52 Drew Miserable, abusive families, I'll grant you, but something, Brian, kind of hold it together.

53:56 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez All I know is that there are children who I think turn out very well, such as myself, that come from divorced parents, who I had an amazing relationship with both of them separately, and I realized my life would have been hell had they been together and tortured me, and I would have adopted all this pain. So I personally, I believe in the doing what's best for yourself will be what's best for other people, but I'm not a parent. I don't know how I would feel if it was relating to my own family, but.

54:28 Adam Is there a happy medium, do you think?

54:30 Drew Well, certainly a relationship that is, again, that is truly painful, that is disruptive, chaotic, or abusive, that must end. But it's, Ryan's not really describing it. It's a crying situation. We're like, well, I wish I want to screw around.

54:44 Adam He might regret it, too, if he just breaks everything off just for a sexual reason. Yeah, at the very least, my friend, give it a fighting chance, because you do have kids, so just give it a fighting chance.

54:54 Drew Sarah is 20, Sarah. Sarah, caller who goes by Sarah.

55:00 Adam The artist formerly known as Sarah. Hey.

55:04 Hold on just a second.

55:06 Adam Oh yeah, we have all time in the world.

55:07 Drew It's a national radio show. Don't worry, it's no big deal. Don't take your time, Sarah. Are you ready now?

55:12 Caller Yeah, I'm ready.

55:13 Drew Okay.

55:14 Caller Okay, this is what happened to me last weekend. Okay, I went to, with my sister and her friends, to this place last weekend, and I've liked one of her friends for a really long time. Like since I was young. I've known him for years and years and years. And I ended up telling him that I liked him or whatever, and I was really, really drunk. And we ended up making out or whatever.

55:44 Drew Explain this, did you hook up?

55:46 Adam Yeah, what does whatever mean?

55:47 Drew Yeah, the whatever, you gotta fill us in.

55:49 Caller Yeah, yeah, we did.

55:51 Drew You what?

55:52 Caller Yes, we made out.

55:53 Drew Just made out.

55:54 Adam Oh, do you just kiss?

55:55 Caller Yes, yes.

55:55 Adam Okay.

55:56 Drew No, no, come on.

55:57 Adam Tell us the truth here.

55:59 Caller I am, I promise I am.

56:01 Adam Okay, well, so, okay.

56:02 Drew You made out.

56:03 Caller Yes, that's it.

56:05 Caller But the thing is, he has been in this relationship with this girl for a really long time. And they were supposed to get married or something. And they ended up calling off the wedding. But they've been trying to work things out.

56:24 Adam And okay, just really creates a focus. You made out with a guy who's engaged or getting back with his girlfriend.

56:32 Caller Yeah.

56:33 Adam Or involved in another relationship, basically. And the question is what? Do you just regret doing it? Or do you wanna know what to do from here?

56:42 Caller I regret it.

56:44 Caller And I really like, I guess I'm friends with her.

56:48 Caller And she talks to me about stuff.

56:50 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Oh, you're friends with his girlfriend?

56:53 Adam And you give her advice on him?

56:57 Drew Well, what do you want from us?

56:59 Caller Well, I feel really uncomfortable around both of them now.

57:03 Drew Well, maybe you oughta just kind of-

57:04 Adam Take yourself out of the situation, period. End of sentence.

57:07 Drew For both relationships, right? Oh, this connection is driving me insane. Sarah, speak up, okay?

57:16 Adam Don't be, yeah, there's no reason to be. This is a safe, happy place. We don't know you, we can't see you.

57:22 Drew Of course, this guy and his girlfriend are listening right now, but it's no big deal.

57:25 Adam Let's just pretend they're not.

57:27 Drew Wait, go ahead. So what is it you want us to help you with? We're telling you to get away from these two and you're sort of resisting that, so how can we help? All right, Sarah, I'm gonna read through. I'm gonna flip over all the cards, and here's the deal, Sarah. You really like this guy. You're kind of angry and resentful with your girlfriend. Not a good situation. You're gonna screw this up in some way, right? You're very ambivalent about this. So the only way you can really be sort of honest is by getting away from these two, because you really are into this guy, and you're mad at this girl, because she's got him. How kind of friend is that? You can't really be her friend right now. It's not, you've got all these crazy feelings. They aren't gonna work. And if you're gonna try to get this guy away from her, gosh.

58:16 Adam And it sounds like you might be hurt by this whole situation.

58:19 Drew But you see with this, she really wants to get this guy away from her. And that's just, and of course, okay, that's okay to have those kinds of feelings. But to hang around these people and to sort of try to make that happen, not okay. And or try to sort of pretend you're not having these feelings, also not okay. So maybe a little distance from both these people for a little while. I need a Melissa Auf Der Maur song.

58:38 Adam I think I do too. Did you say you wanna hear number seven?

58:41 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yeah, yeah, yeah, that might be it.

58:42 Adam Okay, we are going to listen to, I'll Be Anything You Want. We're gonna take a little break and listen to some very good music. And we will return on Loveline. That was my little rap version into your song. We will return on Loveline. Oh, love is fun. Get it on? Let's see. The song is called I'll Be Anything You Want, and it's Melissa Auf Der Maur's first solo CD. Congratulations, it's awesome. And if Anderson likes it, it's gotta be awesome. It's just simply titled Auf Der Maur. Am I saying it right?

1:02:01 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Oh yes.

1:02:02 Adam Auf Der Maur.

1:02:03 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Auf Der Maur is a little better, but that's fine.

1:02:06 Adam All right, well.

1:02:08 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez No, in Canada.

1:02:09 Drew Canada, but you speak Swiss.

1:02:10 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez No, not at all. Just Auf Der Maur and Dankeschön.

1:02:13 Drew And Schwyzdeutsche.

1:02:15 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Schwyzdeutsche, yes.

1:02:16 Adam I don't know that language. I can speak French. I can do Spanish, Portuguese.

1:02:23 Drew Wow, Portuguese.

1:02:24 Adam Yeah, I can do Loveline.

1:02:26 Drew In Portuguese?

1:02:27 Caller Yeah.

1:02:28 Adam Give me some time. I don't know yet. Maybe some time to make something up.

1:02:31 Drew Till is 24.

1:02:33 Caller Hello?

1:02:34 Adam Till?

1:02:38 Drew That's good.

1:02:39 Okay, I'm on Zoloft now. Well, before I was on Zoloft, I've been depressed for a really, really long time. And I got married when I was 22. That solves everything. And I had a baby six months ago. And they blamed my depression on postpartum.

1:02:58 Drew But you were depressed before that. You were depressed before that though?

1:03:03 Well, I went goth, so the brooding and the black hair and the piercings all kind of went hand in hand.

1:03:11 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Have you always been goth?

1:03:13 I just did it, you know, just to do it. I went to my first obstetrician appointment and I was looking for the idiot. And then you went goth? And so I dyed my hair back to blonde and sick out all the eyebrow and nose piercings. So I fit in with the other moms. But now, here's my problem is, now that I'm on Zoloft, I can't have an art calcum.

1:03:36 Drew That's a very, very common complication.

1:03:38 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez That's a tough price to pay for those medicines.

1:03:41 Drew And in fact, for many of the serotonin ramp-take inhibitors, not only do you stop having orgasms, but sex is just unappealing.

1:03:48 No, it is, I don't.

1:03:50 Drew Yeah, particularly for women, they get sort of what's been coined the term sexlessness. They, the sex, even looking at pictures of people kissing and just like, ew, why are they doing that?

1:03:57 It's horrible.

1:03:58 Drew Yeah, it's a weird shutdown.

1:04:00 Here's my problem is, I can go back to feeling like crap and having really bizarre thoughts, or I can enjoy sex.

1:04:09 Drew No, you can choose an anti-depressant that doesn't cause this kind of- Yeah.

1:04:15 And that had the exact same thing.

1:04:18 Drew How about Sarazone?

1:04:20 No, never tried it.

1:04:21 Drew Sarazone and Remerline, those are two that may not cause the same side effects. Continue. The trick is to go back and work with the doctor. You shouldn't have to sacrifice intimacy. The fact is when you're depressed, you need other people. You need the connection with the people you care about in your life. You can't have your relationships falling apart. It's important. Pay attention to that. Don't assume you have to have that.

1:04:43 Adam Dr. Drew, if they give you, if they diagnose you with something, they give you a medication that's not working for you, is it, should you go get a second opinion from another doctor if...

1:04:51 Drew Well, if you're getting no satisfaction from the doctor you're working with, but definitely go back and say, this is not right, it's not right. Make sure you get things properly treated.

1:04:58 Adam Because yeah, that is just not right. You shouldn't have to sacrifice that pleasure.

1:05:02 Drew Think about it. Not only the pleasure, but if the relationship starts to suffer as a result, your depression is coming back anyway. Samantha 23.

1:05:10 Caller Hello. This is like a really long story.

1:05:15 Drew Sorry, Samantha. Sorry we disturbed you this evening, but go ahead.

1:05:19 Caller Hello. Okay, go ahead. Well, what happened is that my mom separated from my dad when I was like 10. He had a boyfriend, whatever. She's been with him forever, and when I was 12, he molested me. He didn't like, he sexually molested me. I never told my mom, I don't know, I really honestly to God don't know why I never told her because I think that he did it in a way that I wouldn't think that it was wrong. You know?

1:05:54 Drew What was it?

1:05:55 Caller Like he would like, oh, let's go to the park, you know, and he would like run around with me in the swings and then he would tickle me like to me now that I'm 23 years old. I think he like tried to get comfortable with my body so that when he did try to touch me, I wouldn't be like surprised about it.

1:06:13 Drew What did he do?

1:06:17 Caller He touched me. He touched my breast, my legs, my, I mean, everything the way that you were not, he wouldn't he was, he shouldn't touch me.

1:06:28 Adam Did you know at the time that it was wrong or is this something that is in retrospect?

1:06:32 Caller In retrospect.

1:06:34 Adam In retrospect.

1:06:35 Caller Yeah.

1:06:35 Adam I'm going to let Dr. Drew handle this one, but I don't ever think it's too late to talk to, I would say, your mother about this now. It's something that's going to weigh on you, she's still with him.

1:06:42 Caller See, that's the thing. That's the thing. I recently found out that my younger sister, it might be his daughter. So we had a big, huge family fight and I told my mom, it just came out, I just told her, you know, I said, how would you feel if, if I told you this? And she told me, is that true? And I said, yes, it is, you know, and when I was like 13, I tried to tell her, but I couldn't get myself to tell her. So I told her, oh, well, you know, he put his hand on my butt. So she asked him. And when I came home from school, she said, you know what? I talked to him and he said that he did do it, but he didn't do it on purpose. And he started.

1:07:22 Drew What did he do?

1:07:25 Caller He would touch my breast, touch me down there.

1:07:29 Drew While he was tickling you?

1:07:31 Caller While I was, sometimes, well, sometimes I would be sleeping and he would come in and touch me while I was sleeping.

1:07:39 Drew And touch your genitalia?

1:07:40 Caller Yes.

1:07:48 Drew Samantha, she's still with him. I bet something happened to you earlier, too. What else happened to you when you were like 6?

1:07:55 Caller Nothing, that's it.

1:07:56 Drew Come on. Nothing?

1:07:58 Caller No, nothing.

1:07:59 Drew He was the only one.

1:08:03 Adam That's it, huh? Dr. Drew, could something have happened in her not remember, maybe?

1:08:07 Drew Yeah, but I don't want to put too much emphasis on that kind of thing. All right, so what can we do to help? What would you like?

1:08:13 Caller Well, my question is, I told my mom, and my mom wants to know why I waited so long to tell her. My mom does not understand why I couldn't just tell her at that moment.

1:08:24 Drew It's very common for children to feel responsible when they are the victims of abuse, and particularly when it's a kind of a sexual act, they feel like there's going to be some sort of retribution from mom or that they're not going to be believed, which lo and behold, in your case is in fact what happens. She doesn't believe you and she does blame you. So, the fact is that there's so much shame in having been the object of this kind of behavior that very often children don't talk about, don't ever tell their parents.

1:08:49 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez And sweet innocent children don't want to disrupt and don't want to hurt people and scare people so you don't say it when you're young.

1:08:56 Drew They know it's going to be hurtful to the parents.

1:08:58 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez You can tell your mother that now too, which is of course when I was young I didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

1:09:04 Drew Bonnie is 23. Bonnie? What's up? Hey.

1:09:13 Adam She comes out of the box with all this energy and then where are you?

1:09:16 Drew It's Quaylor night for our college. So what's going on?

1:09:18 Caller I have a problem that's hard to explain and hard to talk about.

1:09:21 Drew Well, it's all right.

1:09:21 Caller We're here. Yeah.

1:09:22 Drew I'm not sure. I'm sort of surprised by people having that sort of feeling about Loveline tonight. I've never known that anything is hard to talk about on Loveline.

1:09:32 Adam No, yeah. And you're taking the step in the right direction you called. So let's just see it through. Come on.

1:09:39 Caller But it's a little easier to talk about with Adam not being there.

1:09:42 Drew Oh, good. Maybe that's it. Maybe we're going to call her tonight that would not have otherwise called and there's feeling like, oh, good.

1:09:48 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Adam's gone.

1:09:49 Drew Yeah, I can call.

1:09:50 Adam Finally. Here we go.

1:09:53 Caller So I have this problem that I'm not, I'm not a virgin. I haven't been for about five years now. But when I have sex, I'm very tight. Yeah, and I've had guys actually be in physical pain.

1:10:07 Drew You become, you're in physical pain. The guys are in physical pain.

1:10:10 Caller No, the guys are in pain. I'm not. I actually think it feels pretty good.

1:10:16 Adam An honest woman. That's great.

1:10:17 Drew How many times is this actually?

1:10:18 Caller The guys are in pain because I'm so tight.

1:10:21 Drew How many times has this happened?

1:10:24 Caller At least five or six times. My last boyfriend actually broke up with me because he said the sex wasn't good because I was so tight.

1:10:34 Drew What does he mean by that? Does he mean that he had trouble penetrating or once he was in, it was somehow suffocating? It was pulling on him. What does he mean?

1:10:41 Caller Once he was in, it was painful.

1:10:45 Adam Did he describe it all? I'm just curious. Was it like a suffocating, like the walls were literally closing in on him or sharp pain or what did he say? I've never heard this before.

1:10:54 Caller He said that it hurt, like penetrating hurt. I mean, it hurts both of us.

1:11:00 Adam Did he try lubrication?

1:11:01 Caller I don't really know. Like he said, the penetrating hurt once he got in, like once he gets in, I'm fine. But then it hurt him.

1:11:12 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I thought the guys liked tightness.

1:11:13 Adam I thought, yeah, I thought there was a lack of tightness in the world.

1:11:16 Drew No, yeah, they generally do like that. I mean, it can be overdone.

1:11:19 Caller That's what I thought, but I'm having issues because of that.

1:11:23 Drew This doesn't sound right to me. The guys have trouble, they don't like it when they can't penetrate. They feel sort of, they don't know how to deal with that. They're overwhelmed by it. The fact is, that's usually a sort of a muscular anxiety problem. You get anxious and the muscles constrict and that can be uncomfortable for guys and it can be sort of a pain for them. They don't like dealing with it. They don't understand it. They can't imagine what's going on. For that problem, you just need somebody who cares about you. You need a boyfriend you feel comfortable with. Use a lot of lubricant and that will work itself out.

1:11:50 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Lubricant, I think is the answer.

1:11:52 Adam And you definitely need one on hand all the time. That's one thing.

1:11:55 Drew And usually, once things are going, it's fine, guys are fine. Sometimes the guys aren't able to sort of set the rhythm themselves, it can be uncomfortable for them.

1:12:07 Caller I have had issues where I've been a little nervous about it, so I think that's part to do with it. But other times, I mean, there have been times where I'm with my boyfriend and I've heard if you drink a lot, then you loosen up. But I've drank a lot. I don't think in that way.

1:12:25 Drew I think, you know, you're sort of you're overthinking this. You need somebody that you're comfortable with who cares about you with lube on hand. You need to be able to talk to each other and kind of sort it out. These kinds of things usually work themselves out. I mean, there can be anatomical mismatches. That's really not what we're talking about here. Just kind of relax. Get somebody who's patient and cares about you. This will work itself out. This is not a big deal.

1:12:50 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Definitely nothing to worry about.

1:12:52 Drew You're fine.

1:12:52 You're fine.

1:12:52 Drew And by the way, the guy that you're working out will be very happy. You'll be fine. The guys are so happy. Just when the girl has sex, they're so happy.

1:12:59 Adam They are so happy. I've never heard a situation where it's too tight. It's usually, I hear guys complaining a lot.

1:13:06 Drew No, they don't. They think that they like to sort of make them feel better if it's, you know what I'm saying? If they can say it's too bad, whatever. Yeah.

1:13:14 Adam Well, now we're going to get into the graphic.

1:13:17 Drew So anyway, listen, it is Loveline. Melissa Auf Der Maur is our guest. We have Nicole Alvarez sitting in front of Corolla, who's on his hairy ass because of the operation today, which I had to look at his hairy ass today, hanging out of a hospital gown.

1:13:32 Adam Though he got up and showed it for you.

1:13:35 Drew He was, you know, he was in a hospital room preparing for the operation that had a John in it. I've never seen that in our pre-op rooms. And he was standing there with the door open, peeing, his ass hanging out.

1:13:46 Adam His pasty, hairy ass hanging out. Because you keep saying pasty.

1:13:50 Drew The pasty came later after the operation. That's when he really looked like hell and insisted he was fine and in no pain, but then managed to not be able to communicate with his wife. Let's give another taste of that My Balls Hurt song.

1:14:06 Caller My Balls Hurt, they'll never hear.

1:14:11 Drew That's sort of the basic vibe.

1:14:13 Adam The general mood of today.

1:14:15 Drew That's where he's at right now. So again, it's Loveline, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9. We'll take more of your calls when we return.

1:14:20 Caller The sun is gay. Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1.

1:14:27 Stinger Extreme Energy Drink made by the manufacturers of Stacker II, the world's strongest fat burner.

1:14:42 Adam Hello, we are back with Loveline. I am Nicole Alvarez, in for Adam Carolla. Dr. Drew, always here. Thank you for having me, by the way. I'm having a great time. It's a totally different level of thinking, but I really-

1:14:55 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez A higher level of radio.

1:14:56 Adam It's the higher level of thinking. You have to be serious, and I remember you telling me, two hours of just talking, it could be exhausting.

1:15:04 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez But I think we have these questionnaires to fill out between-

1:15:07 Caller These questionnaires are good.

1:15:08 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez How to be honest with yourself is answer a Dr. Drew questionnaire.

1:15:13 Drew This is what they're talking about, these questionnaires I'm doing. I'm studying celebrities.

1:15:16 Caller Unacceptable.

1:15:17 Drew I know, it drives Adam cool.

1:15:19 Adam I know, I've seen him throw one of his little temper tantrums because of it.

1:15:22 Drew But we're collecting data on people that are guests on this show, and we're trying to understand what makes a celebrity, why people- What makes celebrity different? What makes somebody be a celebrity, want to be a celebrity, or need to be a celebrity, and that kind of thing.

1:15:33 Adam And I can't wait to see the results.

1:15:35 Drew It's gonna be interesting.

1:15:36 Adam Our guest tonight, Melissa Auf Der Maur, she's here with us. She was at Amoeba earlier today, and she's here just hanging out.

1:15:41 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yes, the nice people of Los Angeles came out to the greatest record store in the world, and they sent me a free show. It was great. Thank you to everybody that came out. If you're out there, thank you.

1:15:51 Adam We just played two tracks from our album, Auf Der Maur. It's simply Auf Der Maur, and it's out in stores now. Really quick, we were talking when we were at break about the musical, basically the vision that you had for the album, and you pretty much knew what you wanted to sound like, who you wanted to work with. It was all kind of there. You just needed the outlet, and you got it.

1:16:08 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I just needed the confidence and the decision in my head to do it, and I did it exactly as it is.

1:16:13 Adam The first time you heard it the whole way through, was it exactly what you thought it would come, was it what you wanted, or did it not supersede it?

1:16:19 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yeah, I mean, of course, it's more about the process. I'm definitely a process person, and not an end result person, so it was just every step upon every step, just it is what I wanted it to be 100%, yes.

1:16:31 Drew This is now Norma, who's 28, Norma?

1:16:33 Yeah, I have a question. I'm with a woman, and she's 36, and I'm having a lot of sexual issues with her. I told her when I met her that I like having a lot of sex. I'm a sex addict.

1:16:49 Drew Were you sexually abused growing up?

1:16:52 What was that?

1:16:52 Drew Were you sexually abused growing up?

1:16:54 Yeah, I was messed with by a lot of guys and stuff.

1:16:58 Drew That's a real common cause of sexual addiction. Well, in fact, it's a necessary cause. If somebody's really gonna be sexually addicted, there's always a sexual trauma history back there. And then another thing that sort of clued me into that is that you have sort of a sexual identity question. Are you definitely lesbian or are you bisexual?

1:17:16 I was married to a man for 11 years.

1:17:18 Drew Right, and that again is the other thing that comes from sexual traumas. All right, so, and you're a lesbian girlfriend. What's happening with her?

1:17:26 Well, she had also an issue in her past that makes her not really want to have sex.

1:17:33 Drew Well, one of the dirty little secrets about lesbian couples that is rarely talked about is that after the first six months, most, and not all, but many, and I've come to understand most lesbian couples generally stop having sex. They start getting into the more cuddling, intimate, physical part of it.

1:17:50 Adam That's what I figured that. I don't know why I was watching. I don't know. I saw something on TV and I figured that.

1:17:55 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Because they don't have the man around who's thinking about sex every six seconds or whatever.

1:17:58 Drew Who doesn't force the issue without the penis.

1:18:01 He's always been with me as well when I was married to my ex. Is that he would complain that I wanted it all the time. And at, towards the end of our relationship, he became impotent for over a year.

1:18:14 Caller Yeah, well.

1:18:15 Which really frustrated me. I've always been interested in women. And I was very upfront and honest with her when I met her, telling her I-

1:18:23 Drew I understand you're a sex addict, but the fact is that most lesbian couples that are stable sort of taper down on the sex. So your girlfriend, you're more the abnormal one in this kind of relationship. How about dealing with the sexual addiction a little bit?

1:18:37 Mm-hmm. I mean, I even tried touching her breasts and she don't like her breasts.

1:18:42 Drew Norma.

1:18:44 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yeah, I think it's more about you than her.

1:18:46 Adam Let's focus on your sexual addiction.

1:18:48 Drew Earth to Norma.

1:18:48 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Anytime you have a problem with another, the first thing you should do is look at yourself. When you're blaming somebody else for something that's not helping, that's wrong for you means that there's something wrong in you.

1:18:59 Drew So, 12 step essay, take a good look at this. But what about women and sexuality? Cause you guys have not really showered me with your estrogen tonight. This is an opportunity for this show to go that direction. Cause normally it's a lot of testosterone.

1:19:11 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez It's my favorite topic actually to talk about the unknown desires of women.

1:19:18 Drew Why, this is the thing that bothers me most. Why don't women write about it and talk about it? Why do they pretend?

1:19:25 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Because I've been discouraged for hundreds and hundreds of years.

1:19:29 Drew Well, all they write about is how they need to be like a 17 year old male, which is not how women are.

1:19:35 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez No, I think, yeah.

1:19:36 Drew Every magazine on the cover of every women's magazine, it's how to be a 17 year old male, or that I am a 17 year old male. But why aren't you a 17 year old male?

1:19:44 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez That's a new wave of weird post-feminism.

1:19:46 Drew But that's been going on for years.

1:19:48 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Right, the last 10 years is what you mean. It's the post-feminist weird horrible sex in the city, sexuality of the, I just want to get off.

1:19:57 Drew Why can't women talk about what it really actually is to be a woman?

1:20:01 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Because it's terrifying for men. What we want is very profound and very complex. Just like you were saying. It's an emotional thing. It's a spiritual thing. It's a physical thing all wrapped in one. And people will get terrified if we talk, well, men would get terrified if we talk.

1:20:17 Drew I don't think so. Men are, we raise our men now to believe. And believe me, all men think, and I was raised with this crap too, which is women, same as men. They want the same thing, same priorities, same everything. Therefore, however my brain is working, what I want is what a woman wants. And if it's anything different, well, now I'm confused.

1:20:34 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Real smart guys know that's not true.

1:20:36 Drew But our culture has indoctrinated men to that.

1:20:39 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yes. Have you ever read Anais Nin? Any person out there, you know, she's the female counterpart to Henry Miller, who totally revolutionized.

1:20:47 Drew What's her name again?

1:20:48 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Anais Nin. Anais Nin, you know Henry Miller, of course, right?

1:20:51 Adam I will bring you literature.

1:20:52 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Spy in the House of Love, she, and this is in the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, she wrote essays for Playgirl in the 70s. You can buy books of her essays.

1:21:00 Drew Playgirl is male homosexual porn, though. That defies the reality of what women are, that women are not visual that way, that they're having, they're much more complex.

1:21:10 Adam The whole thing, yeah.

1:21:10 Drew They use both sides of their brain.

1:21:11 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez It's complex.

1:21:12 Drew And by the way, arousal and desire, disconnected in the woman. For a man, as soon as there's arousal, there's desire. They're connected biologically.

1:21:19 Adam Biologically disconnected in the woman. The way that I am, because we're all very different. Women can be different too.

1:21:26 Drew I am very different. Yeah. And you different day to day.

1:21:29 Adam Yeah, me different day to day.

1:21:30 Drew Completely different.

1:21:31 Adam Yeah, completely, completely. And that's okay.

1:21:33 Drew That's what freaks guys out more than you. So why can't you just, why can't, why don't you stop reading Cosmo and start reading a new magazine that discusses what it actually is to be a female human being.

1:21:45 Adam Yeah, yeah, we're gonna have to come up with our own. Don't touch Cosmo.

1:21:48 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Wait a second, there aren't that many out there. The whole thing is that in the last 20 years, maybe people, women have been given outlets. I mean, women had to have fake names and pretend they're men 50 years ago.

1:22:00 Drew 100 years ago.

1:22:01 Adam It's all done.

1:22:02 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Okay, the point is, is that there aren't that many good examples. And then the extreme feminism of the 60s and 70s got everyone all confused and, you know, go.

1:22:10 Drew Okay, let's, we all agree. Now let's get on with it.

1:22:12 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Now we're doing it.

1:22:13 Drew Well, where?

1:22:15 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez On my record. My favorite conversations I have with the women are about this record. A 19 year old girl asking me about the sexual content of that record.

1:22:25 Drew Well, let's create a magazine around that next.

1:22:28 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Absolutely.

1:22:28 Caller Because women have nowhere to go.

1:22:30 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I'm here to help.

1:22:30 Drew That empowers women to be sexual.

1:22:32 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez sexual.

1:22:33 Drew A woman.

1:22:34 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yes, and to be unashamed of the fact that there's this very complex, very intense sexual desire aspect to us that we don't know how to ask for. Here's the thing.

1:22:44 Drew Here's the thing about Freaks Man Out, is that the whole experience of receptivity, we don't understand what that means.

1:22:51 Caller We don't really, yeah.

1:22:53 Drew So you can have sex and not have an orgasm and that's okay?

1:22:56 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yeah. There's one too.

1:22:59 Drew Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop. I'm confused already. Impossible.

1:23:02 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez No, no, no, you're not. It's like the unknown. It's like imagining infinity, outer space. You don't understand it. You can't understand it.

1:23:09 Drew I can't, okay.

1:23:09 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez You can't use your linear brain. It is very abstract and big.

1:23:13 Drew And why can't we raise men to be, cherish that and to be completely in all of it?

1:23:18 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez The new generations of men, I think.

1:23:20 Caller Maybe it's our responsibility.

1:23:21 Drew You're talking to Jackoffs. We're talking to our Lov-Line. I don't know that you're going to be convinced we're raising that new generation of men, please.

1:23:25 Adam Can I say for the record, Doc, I am extremely comfortable with talking about sex, with my sexuality. I love it. I crave it all the time, all kinds.

1:23:33 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Crave talking about it.

1:23:34 Adam I crave talking. I love talking about it, but the only place that I found that I've been able to talk about it would be, let's say, here at work with the guys.

1:23:42 Drew That's my point.

1:23:43 Adam I know, I understand.

1:23:44 Drew Why don't women empower one another?

1:23:46 Adam They're so competitive with each other.

1:23:48 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez No, no, it's not that.

1:23:51 Drew The double standard that people complain about, you know when that's studied sociologically? Initiated by men, sustained by women. If you don't like the double standard, ladies, drop it.

1:24:03 Adam We need your help a little bit, too, on that one.

1:24:05 Drew Men are happy to date women that like sex and have sex with lots of guys. They're happy, but the guys, girls who are friends will not hear that.

1:24:13 Adam Gentlemen, hey, hey, stay away from her.

1:24:15 Drew She's a ho, stay away, stay away. Dana, while I'm at it, I'll lose. Be careful.

1:24:19 Adam Yeah, but men are not that comfortable going out with or sleeping with a girl that has had.

1:24:24 Drew Yes, they are.

1:24:25 Adam Really?

1:24:25 Drew Yes. They may not want to marry. They may have some issues. Some guys, most drop it immediately. They make note of it, and then they're over it. That's it.

1:24:37 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez But what about the double standing of the virgin-whore complex thing, and the man that is terrified, is excited about the sexual possibilities of the woman who's had adventures and who knows what she likes and who knows what she can offer, but then at the same time is very intimidated by her sexual history. That is very.

1:24:54 Drew That guy's rather rare.

1:24:56 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez What?

1:24:57 Drew That guy's rather rare. What?

1:24:59 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez That, I don't know how many guys you've dated, but I don't agree. Men are very, oh, maybe, yeah, what happens?

1:25:06 Drew All right, let's ask this. Let's ask Robert from Chino. Robert.

1:25:10 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yes.

1:25:10 Drew We're gonna ask you a question. Go ahead, go ahead, Melissa, ask her. Yes, I was wondering. Hold on, we have a question for you. We're gonna get back to your question in a second. How old are you? He's 22. Do you ever date women that have had a more extensive sexual history than your own?

1:25:23 No, I've not.

1:25:25 Drew You've not done that. Would you avoid that?

1:25:26 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Would you be intimidated by that?

1:25:28 Not that I'm intimidated, it's just.

1:25:31 Adam Would it be a turnoff at all? Would it be a turnoff to know that the girl you're dating or the woman you're dating, I'm sorry, has had very many partners or just considerably. More than you.

1:25:42 I wouldn't really be bugged by it.

1:25:44 Drew Okay, hold on. This is now, let's go to Alan. Alan.

1:25:46 Adam There was an um. Did you hear the um?

1:25:48 Drew He wouldn't be bugged by it. Alan. Hello. 20. Hey Alan, have you ever dated a girl that's sort of more extensive sexual history than your own?

1:25:55 Yes, I have.

1:25:56 Drew Does that bother you?

1:25:58 Not really.

1:25:59 Drew Okay, thank you. Okay, that's 100%.

1:26:01 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Not really and don't be bothered by it.

1:26:04 Drew The point is guys go, ooh, ooh, they make note and whatever. You're having sex with me, it's fine. You say you love me, you're just with me, fantastic.

1:26:11 Adam Maybe that part doesn't bother them, but then it gets more complicated. Let's say that when you get into the marriage part and the serious relationships, men have a problem.

1:26:20 Drew Some men do.

1:26:21 Adam Yeah, some men have a problem with accepting that.

1:26:23 Drew Yeah, some men do, some men don't. Men.

1:26:26 Adam Oh, he's standing up now.

1:26:28 Drew But the reality is, here's the thing about men. I will come to their defense on this one area. They aim to please. We're not bad, we're just lame, lame as hell. But if we understood things more, if you would help us sort of understand, be more honest.

1:26:43 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Oh, I try.

1:26:44 Drew Well, I bet the guys appreciate that.

1:26:46 Adam I think we need to both meet halfway. I really do.

1:26:49 Drew Well, we're gonna meet halfway in the hall here during the break. It's Loveline 1-800-LOVE-191, Adam Carolla is on his hairy ass after a hernia operation, Nicole Alvarez is here and we are being estrogenized this evening. We're gonna really get into more discussions about women, women's sexuality and how women experience themselves. This is something we don't have a chance to do when Adam's here spraying his testosterone all over the room. So we'll be back with Loveline after this.

1:27:13 Caller What?

1:27:14 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

1:27:19 Caller What are women most attracted to?

1:27:21 Caller Confident guys.

1:27:22 Caller That's right.

1:27:23 Caller You can't buy that confidence.

1:27:25 Caller At least you couldn't until now.

1:27:26 Drew What do we got?

1:27:27 Caller You got Axe deodorant body spray.

1:27:29 Drew Oh my God.

1:27:29 Caller Spray that on, it's like slathering on the confidence.

1:27:49 Adam We are back to Loveline. You just pointed out, I'm so excited looking at Dr. Drew, like lead me, but you know what? I could do this too, can I? I do this every day. Not Loveline, but as far as-

1:27:57 Drew You do this.

1:27:58 Adam Yeah, I was a little nervous. I didn't know what to expect, but this is a pleasant surprise, especially now that we are indulging with Melissa Auf Der Maur, and you, Dr. Drew, and myself. I'm Nicole Alvarez, and for Adam, who's, well, you know what he is. He's laid up on his hairy ass, but we're talking about, we're infusing estrogen into the room. So Dr. Drew wanted us to kind of discuss. I'm gonna let you take it from here.

1:28:19 Drew I'm just very interested in this. I don't think this talked about in the honest way.

1:28:21 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Does Adam know that he's missing out on these sorts of things?

1:28:24 Adam Oh, this is his worst nightmare.

1:28:26 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez But is it not exciting to him to think about talking about female sexuality?

1:28:31 Drew He's dismissive of it, yeah. He may be threatened by it or something. I'm fascinated by that, and I'm angered by things like, as you say, sex in the city sort of flying as the stamp of what it is to be sexually female.

1:28:43 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez To be sexually female.

1:28:44 Drew No.

1:28:45 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez No, I mean, but that is also just a result of that weird feminist thing that happened in the 60s and 70s. But then back then, hate men because of, it's all too extreme, too black and white, and the woman thinking.

1:28:59 Drew I am very interested in what's real.

1:29:01 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yes.

1:29:01 Drew And I'm offended by things that aren't.

1:29:04 Adam So ask us some questions.

1:29:05 Drew Well, let's have the callers ask. Robert is 22.

1:29:10 Yes, I was wondering, every time I'm with my fiance and we have, we engage in sexual encounters and stuff, I'm always having premature ejaculation. And the-

1:29:20 Drew What's premature? What's premature? What do you mean by premature?

1:29:25 Every time I have sex, like within the matter of a minute or two, I go.

1:29:29 Drew Any way you can prolong it at all?

1:29:31 Well, I've gone to a urologist. And the thing is, they, my urologist prescribed me Zoloft and Cialis.

1:29:38 Drew Did it work?

1:29:39 And well, I tried the Zoloft and then I tried the Cialis. They told me to take it within an hour of each other. And like the first time I did it, I was able to last a while, but that was it. Like after that, it went back to like a minute or two. And the thing is that my fiance, she tells me that, you know what, she has no problem with it. You know, as long as she gets to orgasm, that's all matter.

1:29:59 Drew You know, something very often, and she orgasms in two minutes? Or you mean you give her oral sex?

1:30:03 Well, we do a lot of foreplay before that, but the thing is, I don't want to be able to.

1:30:07 Drew Yeah, I know you want to, but reality is that sexual dysfunction of this sort is really defined by the couple, not by what you want necessarily. And the fact that you're not satisfied is one thing, but she is, and she's not complaining.

1:30:21 And so it really... Well, the thing is that, I mean, I'm happy that she's happy. I want to be able to try new things besides that. By the time I want to, I'm already gone.

1:30:31 Drew What does that mean?

1:30:32 Like, I just want to try different, like sexual positions and stuff.

1:30:36 Drew And with Cialis, you're unable to sustain an erection even after orgasm? How much Cialis are you taking?

1:30:42 Caller What dose?

1:30:44 The doctor gave me 50 milligrams.

1:30:45 Drew 50?

1:30:46 Yeah.

1:30:47 Drew That's not Cialis. You mean Zoloft is 50. What's your Cialis dose?

1:30:51 Oh, I'm sorry. The Cialis is 20.

1:30:55 Drew Well, you might try Levitra, which is shorter acting. You might be able to boost the dose up a little bit. And Cialis can take a while to get going. But you just want to have an erection around to kind of do stuff with and do your girlfriend. She's not really interested in doing that. See, I know Melissa needs a guy that goes a while. She just, no, because every time a guy goes, the man, she looks up like, ooh.

1:31:19 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez No, I was actually feeling for them. I was more feeling for the guy.

1:31:22 Drew Well, I saw the pain on your face. Anyway, either way.

1:31:24 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez But premature ejaculation is just a physical.

1:31:27 Drew It's just him, yeah. It's just his clock.

1:31:28 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez And you can't cure those, you can't do anything.

1:31:31 Drew The treatment he got is actually a pretty good effort at treating him. But the other thing you can do is you can masturbate a couple of times beforehand and sort of just get everything out of his pipes.

1:31:38 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez That's a good idea.

1:31:39 Drew And the point is, it's something that needs to be worked out as a couple. I think it's too much looked at as something that is the problem. Yeah, and this isn't a couple problem here because she's fine. She's like, hey, she's probably angry that he's so anxious about this. Just like, cut it out, dude, just relax. It's fine.

1:31:54 Adam Just talk to each other.

1:31:55 Drew Right now, this is not the time to talk about the female thing because guys are like, well, wait a minute, wait a minute, this can't be good.

1:32:00 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Right, just like the length and the size or even though that sounds like the same thing. But yeah, but it really isn't important to the girl. Well, some women it is.

1:32:08 Drew Some women it is, sometimes. Occasionally, I don't know. Occasionally, I hear women that do it. It is an issue. Then I can't figure out who they are.

1:32:14 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez The length thing?

1:32:14 Drew Just the feeling more filled up, I think is what they want. They want to feel sort of uncomfortably.

1:32:20 Adam There's a lot more that can be done.

1:32:22 Drew What is that?

1:32:23 Adam There's a lot.

1:32:23 Drew What is that size thing?

1:32:25 Adam What do you mean, what is the size thing?

1:32:27 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Like what's the problem?

1:32:28 Drew Yeah, when women do have a size thing, what does that mean about them?

1:32:31 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez No, I think what it is, is it's more reverse, is that you want your man to be very, very confident and the insecurity that can come from a man's shame, small thing.

1:32:40 Drew That's what I'm saying. With this Robert, she's probably pissed off at him for being anxious about, he's freaking out about not losing.

1:32:46 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez I'm not being confident. That's the only time that it's not attractive. The size, I swear it doesn't matter unless it comes along with an insecurity.

1:32:54 Adam No, but if you stand behind it with conviction, however small it is, it could be the most attractive thing. It's this confidence thing. Really, no, no, no, the size, the size, I know women whose size. Get behind your penis with conviction, however small it is, no, and she's right.

1:33:09 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez And the intercourse is really not the main and end goal to most women.

1:33:14 Drew But about 10% of women, though, have orgasm only with intercourse.

1:33:18 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Only?

1:33:19 Drew They tend to be multi-orgasmic.

1:33:20 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez But the majority are non-intercourse.

1:33:24 Drew Right, they have oral sex direct stimulation, that kind of thing. Well, I'm sorry to say we're running out of time.

1:33:30 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez More women in sex stuff.

1:33:31 Drew A real quick one here is Alan is 20. Alan?

1:33:34 Caller Hello. Hey.

1:33:36 Caller I started dating a girl.

1:33:38 Caller She was the first girl I've ever gotten a relationship into. I started dating her around last October. And I was a virgin. And I lost my virginity to her around December. And from then, we started having sex about twice a week. And it went like that for about two months.

1:33:56 Drew The question is?

1:33:58 Caller Well, after that, she started talking about kids and marriage and all that kind of stuff. And now it's just pretty much found out that I was just physically involved and I didn't really care about any of that.

1:34:10 Drew And the question is?

1:34:12 Caller Well, every time I think about sex or any time a woman shows a romantic interest in me, I'm really, really, really turned off by it. I don't know, I'm just trying to apologize. I was just wondering if that might mandate therapy or...

1:34:26 Drew Well, it wouldn't be a bad idea. There's all kinds of reasons that guys get that way. They sort of, it's ultimately underlying all of it is castration anxiety. They're fearful that your woman's gonna abscond with something and she's gonna force, I'm gonna be swept in or consumed by something out of her desire. And the one thing she's gonna certainly abscond with is my genitalia. And that's sort of underneath all that.

1:34:48 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez But do you think you're opposed by the emotional, wanting, needing things?

1:34:52 Drew It's ultimately just whatever he loses control and doesn't like that. But that's not a healthy thing because the reality is you can maintain a healthy distance from another person, not be subsumed or consumed by them and still be intimate and still know who you are and still have a separate self. And so, yeah, if you can't maintain a healthy relationship and healthy boundaries, yes, that is time for therapy. Loveline, we'll be back in just a second.

1:35:13 Adam Alright guys, here's the deal.

1:35:15 Caller You're looking to hook up?

1:35:16 Adam Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:35:19 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:35:20 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:35:21 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:35:24 Caller Call the Dateline. This hour brought to you in part by Axe. Experience the Axe Effect.

1:35:51 Drew It has been an enlightening, enriching, and interesting, exciting experience.

1:35:56 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Thank you, Dr. Drew, for opening your mind and your interest to the question.

1:36:00 Drew My mind is always open. I love that there's a billion more questions.

1:36:04 Adam So thank you for the curiosity. I think you really wanna get to know what it is that-

1:36:07 Drew I'm angry that women are not understood more realistically.

1:36:11 Adam Well, so are we, so we have that in common.

1:36:12 Drew And we kinda started talking about this earlier and where I was saying that I get sort of outraged when people don't accept their reality. And I don't like not reality. Real, I'm offended by unreal.

1:36:23 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yeah, not being honest with yourself is the most disgusting quality.

1:36:27 Drew But being a human and what it is to be a human, whether it be male or female. So Nicole, thank you for making it possible. Melissa, Ms. Auf Der Maur.

1:36:34 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Thank you very much for having me.

1:36:35 Drew The album by the same name, yes, Auf Der Maur.

1:36:37 Melissa Auf Der Maur with Nicole Alvarez Yeah, absolutely.

1:36:38 Drew It's phenomenal. Anderson, Engineer Anderson has requested, had Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior-

1:36:44 Adam Junior, Junior, Junior, at Loveline producer, Lauren.

1:36:46 Drew Lauren, run in here and make sure that we got him a CD, which is a remarkable endorsement. And I believe, allegedly, Adam's gonna try to come back in here tomorrow night, which I think would be ridiculous.

1:36:58 Adam I think it's gonna be fun as hell to listen to him.

1:37:01 Drew No way will he be here. And we do not have a guest, so whoever's in here with me, it'll be the love that evolves between us. Hopefully, Nicole, you'll be here with me.

1:37:08 Adam Yeah, we can discuss some more female stuff.

1:37:10 Drew And until that time, this is Dr. Drew, on behalf of Adam Carolla saying, who's not here, and Melissa saying, Mahalo.

1:37:28 Caller The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Wednesday, July 7, 2004