Episode 1000628954672

4:37 Caller I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew.

4:38 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. It's just me and the good doctor tonight.

4:48 Drew And the love that sits between us.

4:51 Adam Not had a lot of time, a lot of us time in. Drew's been traveling a little bit, we've had some guests on the show. We always enjoy it when we have a little less time.

5:00 Drew And then you're going to abandon me again as of tomorrow?

5:02 Adam I might be in. I might be in.

5:05 Drew If you, there's no way you're going to be in.

5:07 Adam I have to get hernia. Yeah, hernia operation. I'm getting, actually I'm doing the double hernia surgery, which Drew got done some months back.

5:18 Drew Oh yeah.

5:18 Adam Cried like a school girl, by the way. Drew cannot wait for me to be.

5:24 Drew Just, I'm curious to see how you, no, no, no, no.

5:26 Adam You can't wait, you can't wait for the pain. I don't care.

5:30 Drew I'm more curious how you're going to react to it than anything. I really am.

5:33 Adam You know, here's the whole thing about me. I'm not like, I'm not a lot of man, I just don't care. I just, they gave me the, they gave me the MRI thing today. The nurse came back, she looked at me and she said- Not the MRI, the EKG. They gave me the EKG, hooked the things up to your heart, and the feet and stuff too. And the nurse came back, she said, do you exercise excessive amounts? And I said, no, not really. You have like almost no heart, your heart rate's 44. I said, nah, I just don't care.

6:06 Drew You're just not alive.

6:07 Adam I'm not really alive, that's as serious. I don't exercise, I'm not living. You understand? I'm like an Indian who's going up to the mountain to die. I'm starting to, I'm ratcheting it down.

6:19 Drew Doesn't that fit with things I've said before about your parasympathetic tone, which is what closed your heart rate. My heart rate's too high, my sympathetic tone's up.

6:27 Adam Yeah, I don't know what it's supposed to be, but 44 is low, I guess.

6:32 Drew My engines runs, yours barely, not even idle.

6:35 Adam And also, I think they figure, you know, this is the day before surgery, you're in a hospital, it's supposed to be ratcheted.

6:41 Drew No, 44 is crazy.

6:42 Adam We're supposed to ratchet it up. Yeah, I know, but part of it is, is they think it should even be ratcheted up a little. There should be some anxiety here, because you're gonna go through a procedure. And by the way, I just had a procedure done about a week and a half ago. I'm starting to feel like one of the Gabor sisters, you know, I'm just going in and having procedures. But here's the thing too. If you're not nervous, they'll do their damndest to make sure you're nervous. It happens every time. It's like, you're pretty nervous about tomorrow? No, not really, I'm fine. Good, because a lot of people are nervous and with good reason. Well, I'm not that nervous. Well, don't you wanna know? No, just listen, tell me where to sign and put me under, I'll be fine. And if I'm not, then I'm not, I'll be complaining a lot. So went to the hospital today, got all the, got the blood test. First off, I know there's not a lot of nurses that speak real good English left in the city of Calif, of Los Angeles, California. But it's now to the point where I'm not sure what they're saying. But I sort of understand what they're doing because a nurse, half of it is language and the other half is sort of shuffling you around. Like, you know, they're like, you'll sit here and take, I can give me, and they're starting to pull up your sleeve, you know, and they're putting their finger in your butt, they're swabbing you down, and you take it out, and you hold it, and it's like, I realize, she could be a SUNY Indian. I have no idea really what she's saying. I can see what she's doing. We've both been through the dance enough. I'm just gonna sit here. She's gonna draw a little blood. She's gonna swab me down with a little cotton. But I really have no idea what she's saying. And she's picking me up and saying, you know, here, and I'm just sort of moving in the direction she's pushing me. But it's really a dance. It's not dinner and a conversation.

8:38 Drew We're out on the floor. This is the chest x-ray part.

8:41 Adam No, this is not the, this is the drawing of the blood and the EKG. I really realize I have no idea what the woman is saying. She, and it's hard to tell, is it Filipino? Is it sort of a, is there an Eastern Indian mixed in? I don't know what the nationality is. All I know is I have no idea what the woman is saying. She seems nice. I'm sure if we're in her country, I would be, we'd be thick as thieves. Right now, I have no idea what I'm doing. But because she's just sort of leading me around.

9:13 Drew You don't care anymore. Your heart rate's 44.

9:15 Adam I'm a heart rate 44. I'm ready to die. I'm just gonna sit here, take your blood. Take all of it, by the way. Take all of it. I don't need it. But I just, I just thought to myself, what is it about nurses and pharmacists where you don't have to speak a goddamn lick of English? And of all the professions, you know, I got guys in my house working at the house. The English isn't so great. That's fine. They're putting down irrigation. They're, you know, they're doing, they're putting soaker hoses in the ground and sweating copper pipe. That's fine. You're drawing blood. You're filling out paperwork. You're doing workups on people. You're giving them medication. Shouldn't there be some English involved with that process?

9:56 Drew Where it's scarier, the pokes, given the orders, don't speak the tongue that they speak. And that's where I get scared. Because you're only as sort of effective as your weakest link. You're trying to express yourself in the middle of the night and it's not being heard.

10:10 It's really scary.

10:13 Adam Forget about it. Forget about it. Then I went to the, I went to the waiting room to go wait for the nurse and sent me down. Well, here's the other thing too. It's like somehow they figure out what it is you dislike. What does Adam, what wouldn't you like the most and that's what that, okay. What's on TV? Zoom. The show Zoom, which made for, you know, retarded four-year-olds, just the kid in a, by the way, the one of every nation, the Asian kid, the black kid, the white kid, they're all holding hands and they're talking about the color yellow for 20 minutes. And I'm just sort of sitting there staring at programming that's made for four-year-olds, you know? And I pick up the remote, I'm doing my best, nothing with the remote. And I thought, couldn't put it on CNN. There's nothing, how about just some Fox News or something? Now, I gotta watch Zoom. I have to be tortured.

11:09 Drew Do they put you in a gown yet? No.

11:11 Adam With Zoom, no gown yet. Watching Zoom with a overflowing basket of saltines, right next to me, just saltines. And I thought, oh, this is great. I get to watch programming that's made for four-year-olds and eat crackers that are made for three-year-olds. This is great. And by the way, do we have to cater to the lowest common denominator at the hospital?

11:35 It's like, well, there may.

11:37 Adam Now, mind you, the average age of the person that was around me, 62. But we got programming that's made for four-year-old just in case on the off chance a five-year-old may stumble into the, how about, screw the five-year-old. Let's put the Spice Channel on. I mean, everybody around there, there's not, I was the youngest guy. Here was it, age 40 to age 63. That was every single person. We're all sitting there watching Zoom and eating saltine.

12:08 Drew You may have the captain of industry in the hospital with you.

12:11 Adam Yeah, where's the jello?

12:11 Drew The hospital's designed for the homeless people.

12:14 Adam I know. I got Lee Iacocca next to me. He's having some green jello. We're watching Zoom and he's enjoying some saltines. Through a crazy straw and a spill-less pouch with some orange drink in it. Like, yeah, is everyone retarded? Who goes out? Is there no adults? Hey, what about the English-speaking adults with money? We don't want to watch something? That's what it is. It's like, you never know when a five-year-old's gonna come through. Yeah, yeah, okay, there's one for every 545-year-olds with a degree. Yeah, but a homeless guy could come in here and he may enjoy mindless television that's really made up of just colorful objects moving in random. Yeah, how about the people that are paying?

13:07 Drew And by the way, those guys don't mind, those people that don't speak English and they don't mind whatever.

13:11 Adam Yeah, who decided that hospitals should be geared toward retards, five-year-olds and indigent homeless people who are really just so coked out of their brain they don't even know where they've been. They've been huffing copier toner for the last 20 years and eating out of a dumpster, I have no idea. What about the 40-year-old guy who actually has two brain cells are rubbed together, an insurance card and he's wearing a pair of dockers? How about him? Maybe he wants to watch a little CNN. Maybe he'd like a Triskin, crazy. And like, if you get juice, it's in a box and it's like, it's got the word drink on it, you know? Juice, juice, juice in a box.

13:55 Drew Juice in a box?

13:56 Juice, juice, if you get juice, if you get juice, juice.

14:02 Adam If you get juice, it's in a box.

14:05 Drew Yeah, yeah.

14:06 Adam There's nothing that comes in a glass. You're sucking out of everything. I was like, you know what it is? It's nutrition slash nap time.

14:15 Drew It's kindergarten.

14:16 At the kindergarten.

14:17 Drew Yeah, yeah, nursery school.

14:18 Sit down.

14:18 Drew You're supposed to revert to that kind of thing.

14:21 Adam Here's a little pouch.

14:22 Drew Don't you revert a little bit too?

14:23 Adam Here's a pouch.

14:24 Drew You become sort of passive.

14:25 Adam Here's a pouch of purple liquid. Here's some purple liquidy pouch stuff. Here's some, shh, watch some Zoom. Here, put this sheet on that ties in. Relax. How about a little something for the people over 20? Nothing? Okay, fine. Yeah, you're right. We will cater to the lowest common denominator. So I'm sitting there watching Zoom and eating saltines and drinking Sunny D, like a retard.

14:53 Drew Nice.

14:54 Adam Yeah, nothing in the back. By the way, what's the procedure gonna cause? What is it, eight grand, 10 grand? How about you pop out a little OJ? Have a little fresh squeeze. And maybe a finger sandwich. Have a little delish, have a little platter. It'll be nice.

15:10 Drew Some bagels.

15:11 Adam Have a little bagel, get some lox. Why don't you slice up some melon and some kiwi? That sounds good. That would be good.

15:17 Drew Get some calls, how about that?

15:18 No, here's a little sack.

15:20 Adam Hey, here's a sack of purple liquid. You suck it out of the straw like you're a retarded guy. Don't let your nightgown fall off. Here's your crackers. Watch your Zoom. Look, they're spelling the word box. Watch, look, B-O-A, you watching?

15:38 Drew Just like what we serve you in.

15:40 Adam Yeah, here's some jello. Okay, just, what, is there an adult hospital? Drew, what's going on with the hospital? They not serve adults? Like, you want me to fill the paper out with a crayon? And then there's pictures of everything all the time. Screw the kids. Don't worry about the kids. Put the kids in the kids' wing. Have the adult wing with the actual food and the non-jello and the regular stuff.

16:04 Drew No, that's gonna be the homeless stuff. All right, all right.

16:07 Adam Yeah, the saltines and the pouch of grape.

16:10 Drew There we go.

16:11 Adam It's purple fluid. It's got a lot of sugar in it. Oh, but believe me, when I saw that bundle of saltines and then had to talk to the nurse, oh no, don't think there wasn't a trip where I actually got up, got the saltine, turned it over. It's like, back of the saltine cracker, by the way, triphyseride, sodium, glucose, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, it's everything. I mean, really, rat poison is the only thing that's not listed on there.

16:42 Drew Nicole? There we go.

16:44 Adam No food worse for man than a saltine. That's the only thing they have to eat.

16:49 Drew In the hospital, yeah?

16:49 Adam Yeah, or you could get the grape. You could get the corn syrup with the purple corn syrup. Here you go. Take the goofy straw. Take the retard straw. Jesus Christ. Where's the adult hospital?

17:01 Nicole.

17:03 Guest Hello?

17:04 Drew Hi there.

17:07 Guest I'm calling because I wanted to know about liproscopy. I have a bent fallopian tube that's stuck behind my-

17:16 Selfie, wow, ticker bell.

17:19 Guest Hello? And my doctor, she wants to do a liproscopy to find out if, to fix it and to find out that it might be caused by endometriosis and I was just wondering about it. And my boyfriend, he's really scared. He thinks that it's really bad. He looked up stuff on the internet and he's really scared.

17:40 Drew Leproscopies are routine procedures, okay? Very, very common. It's just a way of looking in and seeing what's going on. If you, by an ultrasound, actually have an anatomic deformity, then you gotta go in to figure out why. There's lots of reasons, infections, endometriosis, even tumors sometimes.

17:56 Adam You go in, you get the Highlights magazine, you look for, where's Waldo, you get the crayon coloring. It's great.

18:06 Drew That procedure is not a big deal at all.

18:08 Guest Okay, so it's safe and I don't have anything to worry about, really?

18:13 Drew It's a surgery, but they're done a very common procedure.

18:17 Adam Let me say this.

18:18 Drew More common than the procedure, Adam's gonna get much more common than the procedure Adam's gonna get tomorrow.

18:21 Adam Let me say this, too. I give a rat's ass about this procedure. I'm asleep, I don't care if I die on the table.

18:27 Drew You know what's interesting? Let me tell you, you'll feel great afterwards and then the ass will hit the fan about middle of the night.

18:33 Adam Yeah, I'll be in pain. I'm ready for it. Here's the other thing, too. Let me say this. Here's the thing that dentist's office and doctor's office and most offices don't have. No car magazines. There were 300 magazines on photography. And by the way, this is another one of those things. One of the doctors was into digital photography. So there's 26 publications on digital photography. And by the way, there's guys in their 80s that just were actually eating the magazine. They thought it, they actually thought it was a matzah cracker. Like digital photography, the 83-year-old, he thinks that you need flash powder. And you're like, yeah, take a guy, you need that bar that holds a guy's head steady and then you take pictures of guys in stove top hats, stove pipe hats with the flash powder. So digital photography uses tons of digital photography magazines, tons of these like home and, you know, no, not one, not one car magazine. But what is it about the hospital, by the way? Is it considered low brow or something? And look, I'm not saying, you don't need low rider magazine. I don't need some, you know, Vato on there with a tat and some chick with boobs hanging out, but just get the car and driver. Shouldn't there be, just put one car magazine out there. Why, what is it with hospitals that they don't, there's never a car magazine. And there's 70 magazines. There's just not a car one. There's four on photography and three on laptop computers. No car, isn't, aren't car magazines popular? I mean, shouldn't there be one?

20:10 Drew Not for reading. People don't think about that as reading material. You put the Newsweek, The Time, you got six on photography.

20:18 Adam How about you go five on photography and put a road and track out there.

20:21 Drew But they don't mind the pictures of or the sort of interior design books.

20:25 Adam Tons, tons, tons of the red. Oh, and it's the crappy one. It's like how to build a gingerbread house in seven years. It's like, oh, cake decorating on a budget. Give me another saltine, put the zoom on. Give me the book on cake decorating. I'm gonna kill myself. Do we have a good anesthesiologist? Good, I want him to kill me.

20:57 Caller Stupid, yeah, you're right.

20:58 Adam It's not even a stupid, it's not this old house book. It's not something that's got anything to do with building or tools or anything. It's about cake decorating and building gingerbread houses.

21:09 Adam What's going on in these hospitals, Drew?

21:12 Drew Adam's nervous about his surgery, can you tell? He's nervous about his surgery. What's up, Nick?

21:17 Well, I was just wondering, my girlfriend, when she orgasms, just has like this insane amount of fluid that comes out. Almost abnormal.

21:29 Drew What do you mean by abnormal?

21:31 Well, like she could fill my swimming pool with it or something.

21:34 Adam Wow. What do you think it is? You think it's urine?

21:41 Well, no, like at first I thought it was. It felt like it was, but I mean, I could tell after like paying attention that it wasn't. And I mean, she has multiple orgasms, not a lot once, but like every 20 seconds, pretty much. And every time it's just this like massive amount of fluid.

21:58 Drew And this is a problem? It's a problem.

22:03 Adam All right, his connection's too bad. All right, it is what it is.

22:07 Drew It's yeah, this is her, you're not gonna change it. I made a progesterone agent will sort of dry up a little bit. Sometimes taking a birth control pill with extra high potency progesterone will dry things up a bit.

22:18 Adam Really?

22:18 Drew But why do you wanna do that to her? She's functioning and not just normal, a bit extra normally. It's good, it's a good thing, relax.

22:24 Adam Well, I know Drew, you as a man of extreme exquisite unbridled passion say it's a good thing.

22:32 Drew It's a good thing. I'm a little outlander.

22:34 Adam As a man with a 44 heartbeat who's waiting to die.

22:37 Drew In a vagal tone that's unsurpassed.

22:39 Adam Yes. It's a hassle.

22:41 Drew I'm sure it's a hassle, right?

22:43 Adam Month number eight of the relationship gets to be a hassle.

22:46 Drew I could see the hassle part, but I'm a little outraged at the sort of eww part that I kind of get from these guys. Come on, are you male or are you female? I feel like he's bragging a little bit. Are you male or are you some sort of a He's bragging. Munich, you know what I mean?

22:58 Adam Yeah, I think he's bragging a little bit too.

23:01 Drew That's what I thought, but there's no question.

23:05 Adam I didn't know women were capable of Yeah, but you He says, yeah, but look, here's the point. Here's why we're not wasting our time with Nick. There's a bogus part of it. There's a braggart part of it. And also really there's nothing we can do about it. That's her.

23:22 Drew But by the way, if you want to know the essence of bogus call, I didn't know women were capable of this.

23:27 Caller Well, right.

23:29 Drew You didn't know and yet your girlfriend has been doing this for six months. How much convincing did you need?

23:34 Adam The day after she did it the first time, he was on the internet and found out what it was called. And he's probably heard it on this show 3,000 times. Jackie? 26? What's happening?

23:48 I just came up with my seven year anniversary of being put in the hospital for overdosing on acid. And they told me then that I was supposedly bipolar. And I just wondered if the acid could have just made me have like a false reading, like then die with me wrong.

24:05 Drew Yeah, it's possible. It's very common for drug addicts to be misdiagnosed as other psychiatric conditions. Drug use can masquerade as any psychiatric condition known. Now, LSD doesn't typically cause bipolar features, but then if you were completely psychotic, you'd taken a large dose, it's almost no telling how you might have manifested.

24:26 Yeah, I did a whole bunch and I went on a trip for like almost two weeks and I landed in the hospital and they had to give me like high doses of tranquilizers to get me out of it. And then when I was discharged, cause I only stayed for 72 hours cause that's the mandatory, they diagnosed me with Depakote and Haldol. No, I just, see, I stopped taking it. I did it for like 30 days just to like kind of get normal cause my dad wanted me to be on it. And then I stopped and I haven't done it.

24:54 Drew And you've been okay since?

24:56 Well, I've had moments and episodes where I've had to go to the doctor and got put back on Depakote again, but.

25:02 Drew So which is the other side to this, which is that not only can drug addiction masquerade as another condition, it can cause other conditions. And it can precipitate. So in other words, you may have a predisposition that these drugs bring out or it can actually injure the brain and cause things like bipolar or manic depression. So in either case, sounds like you need to be on meds.

25:22 Do you think so? So, well, I just, because I've been, I mean, ever since I've gotten out of the hospital, I've done quite well. I have a job. I mean, I work.

25:29 Drew Yeah, but you've needed to be on Depakote's Intermittently and probably ought to be on something chronically.

25:32 Adam Was that your kid in the background?

25:34 Yeah, it's my nephew. He's trying to go to sleep. I was just wondering, because sometimes when I go through like the peak period of up and down, I feel like I can do it myself. Is that a normal thing for a person who's-

25:49 Drew That's a normal thing for bipolar patients to think. And it usually causes them a good deal more trouble than it's worth. Yeah. People are much more effective, much happier, and have less consequence when they're properly under control.

26:03 Adam I, a nurse told me no liquids after midnight.

26:07 Drew Yeah.

26:08 Adam I thought, wait a minute. I gotta do some boozing when I get home.

26:11 Drew Oh, how are you gonna deal with that?

26:13 Adam Well, here's my problem.

26:14 Drew We can't have you in alcohol withdrawal by tomorrow morning, can we?

26:17 Adam Let me explain my problem with these-

26:18 Drew You can't sleep without it.

26:20 Adam Yeah, but let me explain my problem with all the pussy lawyers out there basically destroying this planet. I now don't believe anything that anyone says to me about anything. So when they say no drinking past whatever, I take everything with like five grains of salt. I'm always like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

26:37 Drew Let's put it this way. Here you go.

26:38 Adam Well, no, here's what I said to her. I said, look, no drinking, no fluid, no food past midnight.

26:45 Drew That's if you're gonna be operated at eight in the morning.

26:48 Adam I'm the Perry Mason of patience. I said, yeah, if you're going at eight, I'm going at two. So therefore it needs to be prorated. We need to add. Now, if there's no, you need basically what you guys need is a good 10 hours of no whatever. So if I'm going at two, I got till 4 a.m. And then it was funny. She said, okay, clear liquids. And I started thinking, let's see, vodka, gin, vermouth. Is vermouth clear? I could do vermouth.

27:18 Drew Your heart rate goes to 52 now.

27:19 Adam No, it's jumped up to 52. Yeah.

27:22 Caller But yeah.

27:23 Adam So now this is, thank you all, all you horrible vermin lawyers out there, by the way, for now making us ignore everything. Now, now it's like, you know, like I said, oh, well, you know, second hand smoke, first rate killer. Now it means nothing to me. Like I know, no eating after whatever.

27:41 Caller All the rules. Left hand turn.

27:43 Adam All the things, left hand turn. There'll be no, yeah. Those are narrow. All this stuff, all your retarded pussy rules now, now I don't believe any of them. Eventually it's going to get me into trouble because there'll be one I should have followed. But now it's like all the warning labels, all the waivers, all the sign this, all that. It's like, it doesn't even mean anything to me anymore.

28:01 Drew How come that slippery slope isn't one they ever talk about?

28:04 Adam They never talk about that.

28:05 Drew When all your privileges, your ability to move through life is being rescinded.

28:12 Adam No, they're worried about the slippery slope where...

28:16 Drew Where you have rights, where you can act like an adult.

28:18 Adam Yeah, yeah.

28:18 Drew That's a slippery slope.

28:19 Adam Slippery slope, yeah. Yeah, if you have advanced, if you're in the advanced stages of Lou Gehrig's disease, you're scared you're going to suffocate on your own saliva in the middle of the night and die a horrible death, you can't go humanely and with dignity by flipping the switch on some device that Dr. Kevorkian invented because that's a slippery slope. That's a slippery slope? You having control of your own destiny is a slippery slope? Well, if Kevorkian, who's by the way in prison right now in Michigan and costing us millions and millions of dollars for all the court things, that 85 year old guy's rotting away as a doctor is spending us for this last days in prison. And by the way, and I know we got to go to break, but nobody gives a rat's ass about this. We just sit around and talk about slippery slope. People can't die with a little goddamn dignity in this country. And yeah, oh yeah, slippery slope. Well, first off, Kevorkian's playing God. Oh yeah, he's playing God. What about the guy's hooked up the a thousand different machines to keep him alive 10 years longer than he needed to? That's not God, keeping people alive?

29:26 Drew That's playing God. That used to be doing anything medically used to be considered interfering with God's will. Like giving vaccines, interfering with God.

29:35 Adam More religious retardism.

29:36 Drew But the point is, at one time, that was a way of thinking about these things. How about we just come back to reality?

29:43 Adam Look, I'm saying, the slippery slope. If Kevorkian lets the guy commit suicide, let him flip the switch to commit suicide who's dying of Lou Gehrig's disease and could no longer communicate and craps himself, is confined to a wheelchair that he powers with the straw they gave me to drink the purple crap out of it, the thing like I'm a retard. If that happens, next thing you know, Drew, your 11-year-old goes in for physical for Pee-wee football. The doctor puts a pillow over his head and smothers him right on the gurney.

30:12 Drew What's the brand of?

30:13 Adam Nothing, nothing, nothing.

30:14 Caller Nothing we could do, nothing.

30:15 Drew Camps with that.

30:16 Adam Good, he walks, scot-free, total impunity, slippery slope. Yeah, they got a real good point. I'm fired up, I'm fired up now, man.

30:25 Caller Well, you're anxious.

30:26 Adam All right, I'm anxious, I'm angry. My heart rate, it's up to 45. 45, I see. All right, we'll take a break, we'll be right back.

30:34 Loveline, we'll be right back.

30:44 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. We're both just sitting here getting outraged at Jack Kovorkian, the doctor who assisted people in their suicides. Terminally ill people, by the way, is rotting away in jail. And that if you wanna die, you can't really die if you're in a hospital in America. And what's wrong with that simple dignity, by the way? Shouldn't you be able to do that? In my world, you could be completely healthy and wanna die, I got no problem with that. It's your decision. I don't understand why the ultra religious people are the ones that are vehemently against this. When, and first off, how, I'm looking for the right word here, but talk about the height of arrogance. There's somebody who's in exquisite pain, they're being tortured every day, every hour, every breath, every step, getting out of bed, their life is torture for them. How arrogant is it of you, you were healthy, sound of mind, sound body, telling that person they can't end their life, forcing them to go on with their daily miserable ritual of defecating on themselves, of having fluid drained out of them, of, you know, do you know what I'm saying?

32:12 Drew But life is sacred.

32:13 Adam Oh, it's sacred. Yeah, yeah. I gotta go windsurfing. You rot in your, in your craftmatic bed over there in a pile of your own fecal matter.

32:22 Drew I think it's because people do not.

32:24 Adam And by the way, I'm a very religious guy. I'm exquisitely religious.

32:28 Drew A, people don't believe that they are biological and have no empathy for what that experience is and have never seen it. A, B, lost track of the fact that religion has been very ambivalent about this whole process forever. As I said, it used to be, don't interfere with God's will at all. Let all disease take its course, because that's God's will.

32:48 Adam Right.

32:48 Drew That's God's will.

32:49 Adam Right.

32:49 Drew Now, now we're going to intervene and keep things going eternally because life is, Yeah, the guy's hooked up to an oxygen machine.

32:58 Adam He's hooked up to every apparatus known to man. But if you unplug it, you're playing God. Really? Think about the retarded logic involving that. All right. Let's keep going here. I'm going into the joint tomorrow myself. I told the nurse I'm bringing my own crackers.

33:15 Drew Oh, okay.

33:15 Adam I'm going to shame them.

33:17 Drew Bring some Nilla Wafers. Bring an array of crackers.

33:20 Adam I'm going to shame them. Yeah, I might bring one of those like assortment boxes. Go to Trader Joe's, maybe bring in a little cheese. And you know, they do this one too. They go like, I go, so anyway, I go, what do we need the saltines for? What are the world's crappiest cracker? Really, aren't we in enough pain? Do we need to be punished? And they're like, well, the saltines are very easy on people's, yeah, okay. So if I ate a triscuit, what would I do? Just projectile vomit all over the place? If I ate something that tasted good, what is it? It has to taste crappy in order to, and really, use that logic. Why don't I just eat some dog feces? That tastes bad. Is it the worse it tastes, the better it is for you?

34:05 Drew That's easier to digest.

34:06 Adam Easy, easy, yeah, and a wheat then. Wheat then, that's like what? Eating a diatomaceous earth that's mixed with carpenter's glue? Is that what that is? I think I can handle a wheat then. I didn't have my bowel pulled out, by the way. I had it stuffed in. All right, what's going on? What happened with Gabor Kizor?

34:25 Drew I'm just reading that he's 82 now. No, he's 79 now.

34:28 Adam 79.

34:28 Drew No big parties, he's a 681.

34:32 Adam He's 81 and he's rotting in jail in Michigan. Fantastic and nobody cares but us.

34:39 Drew Supreme Court.

34:40 Adam All right. Jillian. You have a Germany or Florida for us?

34:47 Oh yeah.

34:48 What do you got babe?

34:48 It's a good one too.

34:49 Adam Oh really? All right, looking forward to that. Let's hear our theme song Anderson, please.

34:59 Here we go.

35:04 Adam Hold on Anderson. I think that's one of my least favored ones. Do you have any of the like Tori Amis ones or Pink or any of that other stuff? That's Pink. Do we have a Tori Amis? Let's see every coup. All right. Yeah, Michelle Branch. All right, all right, go ahead, Jillian.

35:44 Drew He's at the thumb correctional facility.

35:46 Adam What's that?

35:47 Drew He's at the thumb correctional facility for murdering a man with end stage Lou Gehrig's disease.

35:51 Adam Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He murdered him.

35:54 Drew He didn't, maybe he murdered him.

35:56 Adam Yeah, maybe the Lou Gehrig's disease is really what slowed him down. Wouldn't you say?

36:01 Drew No, how dare you?

36:02 Adam Yeah, yeah, that guy, what would that guy be doing, yadding right now if it wasn't for Kvorkin? That's right. It's important to get them locked up. Them and the guys who smoke the weed, we gotta get them locked up too. All right, Jillian. 25.

36:16 Man tries to sell girlfriend's daughter on eBay.

36:19 Drew Oh boy.

36:20 A get rich quick scheme backfired on a couple when a man put his girlfriend's daughter up for auction on eBay. He posted a picture of the girl along a description saying, you can play with her. A line adding a level of creepiness excessive even for a child selling situation. A concerned eBay user saw the auction presumably while in the market for little girls and contacted local police.

36:41 Drew Well now.

36:42 The auction would shut down after a few hours as the policies of eBay forbid the selling of children or children parts.

36:47 Drew And as I remember, it only got up to like $150, right? Does that say that?

36:56 Adam Yeah.

36:56 Drew I guess so.

36:58 Adam Well, hold on a second. There's an interesting part of that story where it said the guy who ratted him out was presumably sort of shopping for young kids. Well, read that part again. That part I found interesting.

37:12 A concerned eBay user saw the auction presumably while in the market for little girls and contacted local police.

37:19 Drew We call that journalistic excess. Yeah, yeah.

37:21 Adam And by the way.

37:22 It's not a real newspaper. It's like a magazine.

37:25 Adam Okay, but let me just say this. If you're in the market, if you're in the market and you're on eBay and you're in the market to pick yourself up like a nice nine-year-old chick, why do you report it?

37:39 Yeah, I can't figure out how the person found it.

37:43 Adam No, the person, somebody was just cruising eBay, found it and did it. It's just the evil newspaper or magazine that decided that this guy was looking, oh, he wanted a blonde.

37:56 Drew Yeah.

37:56 Adam This was his outrage. This was a Korean kid, so he went ahead and ratted him out.

38:00 Drew I'm sure. So anyway, it's Florida. It's Florida.

38:03 Adam Drew says Florida?

38:04 Drew That's what I remember.

38:06 Adam Feels Floridian. We're Florida. Jillian?

38:11 Yes.

38:12 Drew Florida?

38:13 Germany.

38:14 Adam Germany?

38:14 Drew I thought this one was in Florida.

38:15 Adam Drew, why do I listen to you?

38:17 Drew I could have sworn this one was in Florida.

38:19 Adam No, it was not. Jillian?

38:22 No, it's Germany.

38:23 Adam I know, we're gonna send you out a windbreaker.

38:26 Good time. Long time listener, first time caller, by the way.

38:29 Adam Thanks for calling, baby doll. What are you doing up there in Santa Cruz?

38:32 Hanging out, trying to get a decent job.

38:35 Adam Did you go to college then?

38:37 Yeah, I graduated. Theater arts.

38:39 Drew How many years ago?

38:40 Working in retail.

38:41 Adam Hard to leave, huh?

38:42 Drew Four years ago, though, right?

38:47 I could never leave.

38:48 Adam Okay, okay, see, let me explain.

38:50 Drew That's why my kids are not going to Santa Cruz or Santa Barbara or San Diego.

38:53 Adam None of that starts with San.

38:54 Drew Yeah, San Francisco, San.

38:56 Adam No, no, no, San. San's all bad.

38:58 Drew Yeah, well, it's all good. It's too good.

38:59 Adam It's too good.

39:00 Drew They can retire in San.

39:01 Adam No, no, they-

39:02 Drew You retire in San, whatever.

39:04 Adam Right, they need to go to like Wyoming. Wyoming, yeah, I mean, here's-

39:09 Drew Seattle.

39:09 Adam Here's-

39:10 Drew Indian names, even Seattle's too nice. Indian names, but not Spanish names.

39:13 Adam Here's the thing, right? You need to go. Okay, let me explain something. I have a lot of friends who went to school in Santa Barbara. And-

39:23 Drew Have you heard from them since they left?

39:24 Adam They never got out.

39:25 Drew No.

39:25 Adam They graduated with like engineering degrees and they opened head shops. And that's it, like burrito kiosk.

39:33 Drew And you hear from Jillian here, Santa Cruz is the same thing.

39:36 Adam You don't-

39:36 Drew Sometimes this goes similar. At least you live in a city.

39:39 Adam At least there's a city.

39:39 Drew San Diego, oh yeah, same thing.

39:41 Adam Forget about Santa Cruz. Forget about Santa Barbara. San Diego, at least you'll probably get out of there. It's not that great.

39:49 Drew You go to Santa Barbara.

39:50 Adam Imagine you're going to school in Santa Barbara. It's a picturesque- Sleepy, you know, waterfront, Spanish architecture. It's the sun is shining 350 days out of the year. I mean, people come from Japan to visit that place.

40:10 Drew And you're there with a bunch of young college kids.

40:12 Adam You're living there. Your time is split up between margaritas and great Mexican food in the city, watching bands, and then it's out longboarding out on the famous-

40:26 Drew And then trolling states.

40:28 Adam California surf out there.

40:29 Drew Yeah, yeah.

40:29 Adam Where are you going? Now, by the way, what are you supposed to do? Then get out of there and go to work for your cousin's print shop in downtown LA or Hawaiian Gardens or something. Are you kidding me? You're not leaving. But you know what? Maybe it's not such a horrible things. Maybe the joke's on us. They've been in Utopia. I got friends, they should have graduated in 86. Some of them did. They're still there.

40:59 Drew It doesn't matter whether they graduated or not. Who can tell?

41:01 Adam They're enjoying themselves. Yeah, I don't know why they bothered going. But yeah, Santa Cruz, San Clemente, stay away from the Sands. I don't even know if there's a college there. Just stay away from stuff. You go to a place, you need to go to a place where it's couched. First off, has to be bitter winter.

41:17 Drew Yeah, let's be clear.

41:17 Adam Bitter winter.

41:18 Drew The things you absolutely must avoid are the Santa. Santa Cruz, Santa Barbara. Sands come next. San Diego, San Francisco, San whatever. But Santa, no. Right.

41:30 Adam And you need, you wanna send your kids to a college that's-

41:34 Drew Where it gets cold.

41:35 Adam Where it is miserable, like bitter, bitter winters, and they just can't get out of there fast enough. They're dying to go back to the city.

41:43 Drew Or everything else, not just going back, but everything else seems great.

41:46 Adam That's a lot of work. Imagine you're in Santa Barbara for four or five years. Would you ever get out? Would you ever go anywhere? Why would you? All right. We're gonna take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Courtney. Wants to get a 34 year old boyfriend into domination and submission. Courtney? Yeah. You're into domination and submission?

42:14 Drew You're fat. It's an interesting thing.

42:16 What do you think her heart rate is?

42:18 Adam I don't know.

42:18 Drew Like 108.

42:19 Adam Which one are you into? Are you into the domination or the submit?

42:25 I'm a sub.

42:26 Adam Submission?

42:28 Caller Yes.

42:28 Adam You're big now?

42:30 Caller Yes.

42:31 Adam You got a little extra weight on you?

42:36 Caller No, no, it's just something that I feel that it kind of completes me.

42:42 Adam How tall are you?

42:43 Caller I am about, let's see, five, six.

42:47 Adam Five, six, and how much you weigh?

42:52 Drew Courtney?

42:53 Caller I think I'm beginning to lose you guys.

42:56 Adam How much you weigh, Courtney?

42:58 Caller I weigh, I am about 135 pounds.

43:02 Drew About.

43:02 Adam All right. Oh, that's, hold on, let me do a little radio math. Five, six took a while, and then the about, the 135. What's two times three, Drew?

43:15 Drew Six.

43:16 Adam Six, okay, and then six and four is. 24. Six and four.

43:22 Drew Six plus four, 10.

43:23 Adam Oh, oh, that's 10, right. Okay, I got five, four, and seven sixteens. So just a little under five, four and a half, 151.

43:39 Drew Who?

43:40 Adam Okay, yeah, we're, hold on a second though there, Courtney. We'll talk about the submission and domination, all that good stuff after this.

43:51 Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191.

43:55 Now you and the guests can enjoy three nights in Chicago's House of Blues, experiencing a series of amazing outcomes. And we'll get you there. Go to www.bluejamsessions.com to enter, to win, and to see complete rules. Brought to you by Blue from American Express.

44:31 Adam Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1-ER. All right, you ready? Ready to get back to the phones, Drew? Yeah, here we go. Let's see what we can do.

44:39 Drew Well, Courtney, what is it?

44:40 Adam Let's break it down.

44:41 Drew Have a Courtney now.

44:42 Adam Courtney?

44:43 Caller Yeah.

44:43 Adam You're 21.

44:44 Drew Have you asked your boyfriend about this?

44:48 Adam Oh, hold on, Drew, you gotta reset, buddy.

44:49 Drew She'll set it, she'll set it, why?

44:52 Caller I've hinted towards it and mentioned a couple pieces of literature, like Story of O, and he kind of joked about it, like, oh, ha ha ha ha, very, you know, that sounds very cute, and it's like, well, okay, I still don't know how he'd take it. I've had a couple guys just plain walk out.

45:12 Adam Well, Drew, reset, what'd you goof on?

45:14 Drew Courtney has a boyfriend, and she's into submission, dominate, tricks and submissions. She wants to be a sub, and she's trying to figure out how to bring it up with the boyfriend. What exactly happened with the guys that left? What did you say to them?

45:26 Caller Basically, I was very honest with them. I said, hey, this is what I'm looking for.

45:31 Drew What? What did you say?

45:34 Caller I said, hi, I've basically come to decide that I am a submissive. I am looking for somebody to be in a dominating, have a submissive relationship with me.

45:46 Adam How about, let me ask you this, Courtney. Courtney, quiet down. Yeah, does this have to only take place in the bedroom or can this bleed in all facets of our life?

45:59 Caller The whole, I'm looking for whole facets.

46:01 Adam Oh, okay, because I could, I mean, but what would it, you know, if I said like, hey, yeah, crack me a coal one and then I want you to put a coat of a carnauba wax on the Z and let's go. Let's get moving now.

46:17 Caller How'd that go?

46:18 Adam Would that work? Because I could get down with that.

46:20 Caller Yeah, I don't actually, in the right situation, you know, with somebody who treats a submissive properly and shows them the care, ask what submissive nice enough or not even nice enough.

46:35 Adam That's not being submissive. I don't say please before I crack the whip on your ass. I tell you-

46:41 Caller I thought that if you find the right submissive, they'd do it. I probably would for somebody I'd care about enough.

46:47 Adam You would. Here's why guys, okay, there's two reasons why guys get out of this, these kinds of relationships. Okay. Well, the third's to wait usually. The first one is, guys want sex. They're not so interested in the sort of masquerade part of it. Yeah, they just did like to get laid. That's number one. They do go along with things, but usually they just go along because it means they're getting laid.

47:15 Drew Absolutely.

47:16 Adam And sometimes they even pretend like they like it.

47:17 Drew But some guys probably do kind of like it.

47:19 Adam Once in a while, there's guys that are into it to a certain point. The other thing is, is it freaks them out because it smacks of some larger issue that they're not getting into, but don't worry, it'll rear its ugly head at some point.

47:32 Drew Yeah, it just gives them an instinct that they need to get out.

47:35 Adam Our spidey sense starts tingling when chicks start talking about that kind of stuff. Makes us think you're a little bit batty, and you always are. And then number three, they're always hefty chicks.

47:47 Drew Well, that makes it easier to walk. Let me put a little modifier in number three. It's an excuse to get out.

47:51 Adam And it's an excuse to get out.

47:53 Drew It's an, I'm done.

47:54 Adam Right. So, all you can do is bring it up to him. If he goes for it, fine. I got a better plan. Hopefully he doesn't go for it, and you try to find a way to have an intimate relationship without it.

48:08 Caller Yeah, and I have had a lot of intimate relationships.

48:11 Adam All right, good. That's it. Just get some therapy. Here's the thing. All you idiots that are into weird stuff, instead of trying to find another weirdo, so that, by the way, God forbid you two crank out a weirdo kid, and look, it's like this. If you're an alcoholic, instead of trying to find someone to drink with, find someone to get you sober.

48:36 Drew Thank you.

48:38 Adam Stop looking for more effed up people who don't know what they're doing and are spinning around like dreidels. Find somebody who's got a map and use that person. This is everyone's plan. And they don't really look at it that way.

48:51 Drew You're judging.

48:52 Adam Yeah, I'm judging because you guys are idiots.

48:54 Drew How dare you?

48:55 Adam I know, everything's the same.

48:56 Drew Culture's the same. Just different.

48:57 Adam Perfect. Nothing's different. Perfect. We can't judge. No culture. It's all perfect.

49:04 Drew But the point is, Feminist in every relation is beautiful.

49:06 Adam It's the same. Cannot judge. All religions are beautiful. Every one of them. Everything, every culture. None is, no, no, no, no one's culture superior to other.

49:15 Drew You cannot judge.

49:17 Adam We can't judge. I mean, some certain cultures put a man on the moon 40 years ago. Others are smacking their heads against a wall until they become bloody.

49:30 Drew Let's buy that to all human history. Human sacrifice, can't judge.

49:34 Adam Can't judge.

49:34 Drew Can't judge because it was a beautiful culture and human sacrifice is part of it. What are you going to say?

49:38 Adam Cannot judge. And, you know, Roman civilization with the, you know, Vitality and it's, yeah.

49:46 Drew Eating Christians up and they can't judge.

49:49 Adam Cannot, cannot judge. There's no difference between cannibals and the Renaissance.

49:57 Drew Can't judge. How could I know I couldn't judge? It's impossible.

49:59 Caller It's impossible to judge.

50:00 Adam It's all just different. No, because we're all humans.

50:02 Drew It's just different.

50:03 Adam And everything's the same.

50:04 Drew Okay.

50:05 Adam Here's the problem. People do judge when you want them to beat you on the ass. They judge you to be a weirdo and they go the other way. So stop trying to find another weirdo and just find a therapist. Thank you. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

50:19 Caller Here it is.

50:19 Adam Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

50:22 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

50:25 Caller Call the Dateline.

50:27 Caller 1-877-889-DATE. So get your problems ready.

50:38 Caller This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

50:40 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

51:05 Adam Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er. All right, let's get to the phones here, buddy. What do you say now? Yeah, hold on a second. Let's break it down. Let's get a hand down, huh? Let's go, hey, Chris. Clap it up, come on, break it down now. Come on now, break it down. Get a hand in, gentlemen. Grab a knee. And remember, the helmet, not a chair. Come on, take a knee now.

51:34 Drew What would they say about the dive? Remember the dive and rolls? They'd always have some funky thing to say about you not to.

51:39 Adam There's a lot of-

51:40 Drew Laying out of.

51:41 Adam Pop, there's a, well, first off, if I played seven years of Pop Warner football, which people think is impossible, not high school and Pop Warner. I got seven years of Pop Warner on my belt, before high school, so there's a couple things they do. This isn't leisure world, gentlemen. Leisure world, that's always a good one. I've never been to leisure world. I'm sure it was a newer development back then. I don't know. I wasn't sure. By the way, leisure world doesn't mean a lot to a nine-year-old, or an eight-year-old. Leisure, the word leisure, I didn't know until I was 24. It's not leisure world. It's like you're doing push-ups. There's a guy yelling at you. So that was one of the things. The other one they used to do is, you go half speed, it's when you get hurt. That was the other one too. So let me see. If I was in my car and I was going to 25 miles an hour, it would be worse than going 50?

52:43 Drew Worse than going 80.

52:45 Adam Oh, 80.

52:46 Drew Because that's full speed.

52:47 Adam Oh, well, I'm just going half, you know, half.

52:49 Drew That's worse.

52:50 Adam Well, half of 50 would be 25. So I'm saying, half speed. An accident at 25 miles an hour, much worse than an accident at 50. Yes. So half speed. All those guys in the NFL with the torn ACLs and the horrible compound. Going too slow. Going too slow. Half speed, okay. Yeah, no dog in it. And there was always a lot of stuff that was going to take place in the fourth quarter. It's the fourth quarter, gentlemen. We gotta really pick it up. And then the trick question, one, two. Who's tired? We're, I'm tired.

53:24 Are you tired?

53:25 Adam All right, you're not in good enough shape.

53:27 There we go.

53:27 Adam There's that one. And then there's, he'll know we're not that good because we're going to do more jiggle jangles. There's no good answer to the football coach for are you tired? It's a trick question. Best thing to do, vomit and collapse. Don't say a word. Just heave and fall over. Yeah, and then a lot of also comparisons to girls. That's a big thing when you're a nine, 10 year old guy.

53:53 Drew I'm not sure it's OPC anymore.

53:56 Adam My daughter's got a gymnastics class. They work harder than this, gentlemen. Okay, those girls bust their fanny and you guys is that one too. That's a bad thing when I compare the chicks. When you're nine, that drives you nuts. Those are all the things I learned in Pop Warner. Army, I mean Amy.

54:21 Drew Hi, Amy.

54:23 Adam What's happening? And then they do ones like this too. You guys getting blown out of there like ass through a goose.

54:32 Drew Oh, I never heard that one.

54:33 Adam Oh yes, I say the word ass, but yeah. Yeah, they say ass to it. Yeah, they say it.

54:38 Drew Yeah, they say stuff like that.

54:39 Adam Yeah, and they do well. You guys getting blown out of there like ass through a tin horn. That's another good one. Like, huh? You're nine. Like what? Times like kissing your sister, gentlemen. And all I could remember thinking is Kelly Gallagher, who was the sister of Dan Gallagher, who was on the team. Smoking hot. Smoking hot. And I was like, wow. This is why you shouldn't waste your breath on kids. The coach is like, this gentleman dying, she's like kissing your sister. We gave 80% but we didn't. Meanwhile, Adam Corolla's like, Kelly Gallagher. Yeah, she's a good girl.

55:21 Drew What if she were my sister?

55:21 Adam I'd definitely be making out with her. Dan, you think he's kissing her when he gets home? If he is, that can't be a bad thing, isn't it? She's so hot.

55:31 Drew When your sister's face appeared.

55:32 Adam Oh. And then you went, oh, yeah, now I know what he means. All right, Amy? Sorry, you're 26. What's up?

55:42 Drew Oh, she's from Santa Barbara.

55:44 Adam Santa Barbara. Yeah.

55:47 Drew And we're talking to somebody from a parallel universe.

55:49 Adam Yeah, that school, it's the Roach Hotel. It's the Roach Motel of schools. They, students get in, but they don't get out.

55:58 Drew Where did you leave from before you entered University of California, Santa Barbara, or do you remember?

56:05 From Ventura, which is about 30 minutes south.

56:07 Drew Ventura, have you been back? Have you seen that? Have you seen Ventura since you went to UCSB?

56:13 Caller I grew up in Ventura and then I went to UCSB and then I got a job in Santa Barbara and I've been there ever since.

56:22 Adam She works at a, She works.

56:25 Drew That's not gonna stick.

56:26 Adam Well, no, that's lofty. She probably does like beach rentals, the three wheel bikes.

56:33 Caller No, no, I will have a real job.

56:36 Adam But the point is, is if you send your kid to Santa Barbara to go to college, you'll never leave.

56:41 Caller Yeah, and my sister, actually, I'll never guess where she went.

56:44 Drew Santa Cruz.

56:45 Caller Yep.

56:46 Drew Have you seen her since?

56:48 Caller Well, she just graduated and right now she's in an MCAT prep class. So I think she will eventually go away.

56:55 Drew Well, she's gonna go to medical school. She has to leave Santa Cruz.

56:57 Caller They don't have it.

57:00 Adam Well, here's the thing. All you parents who are thinking about either sending your kid to UC Santa Barbara or Santa Cruz, if you save yourself some time and money, just give them some reefer and a long board and tell them you don't have to pay rent. You just stay here. Here, smoke some reefer, do a little surfing and we'll blow, we'll turn a fan on. It'd be great. All right. So, Amy, are we right about once you go to Santa Barbara, you never go back? Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. But on the other hand, who's the joke on? We're in here breathing airborne particles the size of hubcaps. And by the way, I mean, it's no secondhand smoke, but we still are in the... It's ironic, by the way, too, I know I bring this up every night, they just had a study that basically said that Los Angeles is one of the worst places in the world for the breathable particles in the air. And so we're about as bad as you can get. It's funny that we're obsessed with secondhand smoke.

58:13 Drew Are they talking about pollutants or about stuff coming off the desert?

58:17 Adam No, they're talking about pollutants. They're talking about just sort of airborne particle pollutants. Pollutants. Yeah, no place worse than Los Angeles.

58:26 Drew They've been taking care of the secondhand smoke problem.

58:28 Adam Well, there'll be no smoking on the beach. So we're all going to live forever.

58:32 Drew We're going to have particles and smoke in them.

58:34 Adam Right. Yeah, no particle discussion, just secondhand smoke discussion. I don't know when that happened. By the way, didn't smoking used to be cool? When did it become evil? Do you know what I mean? When did everyone who smoked become bad?

58:53 Drew Well, you signed on with the man. You signed on with the man's stuff if you believe the tobacco company's rhetoric and commercial. They coerced you into getting this addictive substance into your system. And then you're the same way. You're one with the man. You are the man because you're using the man's product.

59:12 Adam So there will be no advertising that on television or sporting events or anything. Meanwhile, there's lotto commercials running out the wazoo. That's a much better message to send to the kids. Spend your extra welfare money. Yeah, the money you were going to be spending on the government subsidized cheese. You buy yourself a lotto ticket. See if you can get lucky and get out of the hell that you've created for yourself. That's fantastic. Terry?

59:40 Yeah.

59:41 Adam You're 21?

59:42 Caller Yes.

59:43 Adam What's up?

59:45 Caller When I have intercourse with my girlfriend, I can't seem to come and she's getting worried about it.

59:52 Drew Are you on medication?

59:53 Caller No.

59:54 Drew Is there any way you have orgasm?

59:56 Caller The only way orgasm is if I masturbate or if she gives me a blowjob.

1:00:01 Adam Yeah. I mean, oh.

1:00:04 Drew It's frequently commonly called the Carolla syndrome.

1:00:07 Adam Yeah. I mean, oh.

1:00:10 Drew Can't judge?

1:00:11 Adam But we can't judge. Let's see. Is she exceptionally lubricated?

1:00:19 Caller She's not very lubricated.

1:00:20 Drew Does she finish easily and sort of doesn't want to go on?

1:00:24 Caller Oh, she's willing to go on. It's just, I mean, I've gone, we've gone for about an hour and a half before and I wasn't able to orgasm.

1:00:36 Drew No medicine for you, huh? Nothing. Terry, no medical problems, no medication.

1:00:42 Caller No medical problems, no medication.

1:00:44 Adam Well, let's, let me, let me get on a few things. What position are you in when you masturbate? Thank you.

1:00:52 Caller Usually sitting down.

1:00:55 Adam Sitting?

1:00:56 Caller Yeah.

1:00:56 Adam Like where?

1:00:56 Drew Quaint.

1:00:57 Adam You're on the pot? Where are you sitting?

1:01:01 Drew How dare you?

1:01:02 Adam Yeah. Who beats off sitting down? Where? We are on the what?

1:01:06 Drew On my couch.

1:01:07 Adam On the couch. You don't have to sort of rock it back a little.

1:01:11 Drew Adam, when you scrub things, you don't actually have to act them out.

1:01:16 Adam I mean, you're actually just sitting there on the sofa, knees bent?

1:01:21 Drew Your heart rate's 44.

1:01:22 Adam Yeah, I see. I got a little surge happening. But anyway, here's the thing. When then you have sex, you get on top of her, right?

1:01:31 Caller Yeah.

1:01:32 Drew How about if she sort of you take that seated position and she...

1:01:38 Adam Terry, let me explain to you how to have an orgasm during intercourse. Are you ready?

1:01:43 Caller Yeah.

1:01:44 Adam Are you sitting down and not beating off for a change? You need to get used to masturbating. Instead of sitting down, lie down on your bed and straighten your legs out. Do it that way.

1:01:59 Drew What if she just brings her into the position?

1:02:02 Adam You could do it that way, right? Yeah. Thank you. Do it that way. Do it that way a few times. The next time you have sex, get her on top, get into that same position, and you'll have an orgasm. That's what it is. But there could be nothing further away from missionary than sitting on a sofa. You have a gyro in your sack and it's all thrown off. It's like a plane that's flying upside down. See what I'm saying, Drew? Let's... Let's talk to Michaela. Michaela? Yeah. If you want to... What? Right? Yeah. If you want to die, you should be able to die.

1:03:06 Drew Right to die.

1:03:06 Adam If you're sick. And the idea that Jack Kevorkian, Dr. Kevorkian's in jail from 10 to 25 years when he's, like, 81 years old, is a ridiculous waste of taxpayer money.

1:03:21 Caller His life.

1:03:22 Adam Thank you. And his life, by the way. And by the way, the guy's a doctor, after all. He's got a little education.

1:03:28 Caller He's got a little bit more respect.

1:03:30 Drew What's up, Makayla?

1:03:32 Caller Makayla. Okay. My question is, if you get a blood test for STDs and you have herpes, would it show up if you're not on a breakout, or do you have to be on a breakout for it to show up?

1:03:44 Drew The blood tests for herpes are fairly worthless. And they are, and they have no relationship to the breakout.

1:03:52 Adam Are they going to do a little, are they getting better with that? Are they going to figure something out?

1:03:55 Drew They're better, but they're really only better as corroborative. Still, you have to see evidence of it, and the best test is a culture.

1:04:03 Adam Corroborative means that plus something else.

1:04:04 Drew Right. It supports it, yeah, but it doesn't prove that you have herpes by any stretch.

1:04:12 Adam So you got to wait for the breakout, and then you get the culture.

1:04:14 Drew Right.

1:04:14 Adam Where they actually take the cotton swab and put it in there?

1:04:18 Drew Put it on a lesion.

1:04:19 Adam Nice. Yeah. All right.

1:04:23 Drew Well, you got herpes?

1:04:26 Caller I do, but I'm not sure if my boyfriend does. He did the blood test, but it didn't show up, and I'm just asking for that reason.

1:04:35 Adam All right, well, don't worry about that blood test.

1:04:37 Drew He's got to work on them. That's the bottom line.

1:04:40 Adam And listen, if we watch the commercials, you see the chick now.

1:04:43 Drew You want to have herpes, right? Yeah.

1:04:45 Adam Oh, it's a better life than a chick that doesn't have the herpes, because a chick that has herpes...

1:04:50 Drew Doesn't get to kickbox.

1:04:52 Adam She's a reporter. She's on the steps of the Capitol building.

1:04:56 Drew The one with the herpes?

1:04:58 Adam Yeah, she's kickboxing. Now there's a new one where the chick's on some sort of tropical vacation. She's on a bicycle. She's with her man. There's a lot of almost every commercial now, some sort of prelude to intercourse, like the chick's sitting there and she's doing some some potting. She's got some potting soil out. The guy she's out on the porch and the guy kind of comes up behind her and puts his arms around her. Like, listen, Drew, I don't know about you, but if I need some nookie, it's like, hey, break it down. Yeah, I got a boner. What's going on? Can we get upstairs and get nude or? Head out.

1:05:39 Drew Oh, that's got to work great.

1:05:40 Adam Head out and do some potting. I'll come up behind you. A lot of coming up behind.

1:05:45 Drew Remember, the commercials are for women.

1:05:47 Adam Yeah, right. It's somehow the chick is in the middle of doing something and it's usually out in the yard. And by the way, I don't know how much yard work your old lady does, Drew. My old lady? Not a lot.

1:06:01 Drew Women like to watch, look at magazines and watch commercials where they can imagine themselves doing these very highly idealized behaviors. You're on a desert island, you're potting, you're doing kickboxing.

1:06:13 Adam Let me explain something.

1:06:14 Drew Men don't like that.

1:06:15 Adam If I looked out the window and saw my wife doing something in the yard, I would not have a boner, I would have a heart attack. That's the first thing I'd do. I would clutch my heart like Fred Sanford, like, what's going on?

1:06:27 Drew Yeah, but again, that's the point.

1:06:28 Adam I can't believe she's actually doing something.

1:06:30 Drew Seeing a woman working in a potter's wheel, the last thing you're going to be thinking about is sex.

1:06:34 Adam You're literally finished. If I saw my wife out in the yard, no, not on a potter's wheel, they're like potting, they got soil, they got soil, they're cutting things back. If I saw my wife doing some yard work, my first impulse, like I said, first impulse heart attack, second impulse, you know, invasion of body snatch, you're looking for a cocoon underneath, in the underpinning of the house with her in it, and then number one, that's two. Number three, look, whatever she's doing, maybe she's got a brain, yeah, a cat scan, a pet scan, there's got to be some sort of tumor putting pressure on her brain. Fourth impulse, okay, I'm horny, let's let her finish with the pruning of the bougainvillea. Like I don't want to interrupt anything. She may not be in the yard for another year. Let her finish. That's my whole thing. I'll be waiting inside the house as soon as she comes in. When she's done, that's when the section begins.

1:07:31 Drew What do you think about all this direct of consumer marketing of medication? You know, allergy medicine, herpes medicine.

1:07:39 Adam I'm not sure what the commercial is. You see, because it's a chick and she's on a porch and she's putting some bulbs in a terracotta pot and the guy comes up behind her. No, this is for the boner medication, like the guy's got himself a boner, she's potting. She always seems to be pretty excited that he has a boner. He doesn't, here's the thing too, he doesn't walk out of the house with a boner.

1:08:06 Drew The boner's waiting inside.

1:08:08 Adam Boner's somehow inside. He's got that on the nightstand.

1:08:11 Drew Where's the boner? Isn't the proper wifely experience like, oh, jeez. Come on. I'm so stressed. I have a headache.

1:08:20 Adam I'll tell you what I'm going to do, I'll leave the gardening glove on, I'll give you a handy. That's okay, that's what you're getting. It's all right. No, no, it's, it's, the glove's made out of cotton, but it's got a little rubber liner you like to grab.

1:08:33 Drew But since when is it?

1:08:37 Adam Sucks with my balding fat husband. It's going to be huge. It's great. And you know he's going to want anals because it's been 10 years.

1:08:44 Drew My God.

1:08:45 Adam Yeah. Why does the guy have the boner? That's the question.

1:08:48 Drew It's waiting inside.

1:08:49 Adam Did he take the Cialis or the Nuvales or the Neutralis or the Bonales or the Levitra? Did he pop the pill and then go outside to hump his wife? Or is the pill waiting inside?

1:09:02 Drew In a more global sense, whatever the commercial is for, whether it's for stomach acid, I'm going to give you diarrhea, grease, diarrhea, malnutrition, diarrhea.

1:09:09 Adam I love that. I love the disclaimer.

1:09:11 Drew Or if it's boner medicine or if it's herpes medicine or if it's allergy medicine, how the hell do you know what it is? And this is what I find interesting about it when I'm dealing with patients. They just know the name. Oh, I'm with the purple pill. They have no idea what it's for, but they've heard about it. That must be good. I've heard about it. I heard about it on Oprah.

1:09:27 Adam Yeah. Well, are you talking to me? I was on birth control for four years before I realized.

1:09:32 Drew What it was.

1:09:33 Adam I just saw the commercial. I saw the patch, actually. I thought it seemed these people were living their lives.

1:09:37 Drew I wore it by my McKinney line. What does it actually do for people that they have a name and a color of a pill?

1:09:45 Adam I don't know, it's the chicks. If you're under 30, you got the herpes and you're living your life.

1:09:52 Drew What does that direct, I'm just curious, that direct consumer marketing does for people? What does it really do? Except make money for a drug company without people really realizing that's what they're doing.

1:10:03 Adam It's just a product like anything else. It has no different than potato chips. I guess you're just trying to show people enjoying your product. And actually, they don't enjoy the product. They enjoy the life they get to have by using the product.

1:10:15 Drew But the reality is that people have no idea. They can't put it in a context. And secondly, they have an aversion to using much less expensive generics because, well, that's not as good as the purple pill.

1:10:25 Adam Oh, I see. Well, that's interesting.

1:10:28 Drew And so it's really like, ba-ba.

1:10:30 Adam And once and for all, generics, no difference. There's an active ingredient and that's, if the drug doesn't have that active ingredient, that it's not that drug. And if it does, it's the same.

1:10:40 Drew That's right.

1:10:41 Adam All right, and see, I think people look at the generic as the difference between, you know, Oreos and Hydrox or something like, well, I like Frosted Flakes. I don't like the generic brand of Frosted Flakes. But this is different.

1:10:55 Drew It's different.

1:10:56 Adam Okay.

1:10:57 Drew Yeah. All right.

1:10:58 Adam Let's take a break.

1:10:59 Drew Yeah.

1:10:59 Adam We'll get back. We'll speak to Brittany, 17. She's got a 21-year-old boyfriend, wants to hang out with his ex-girlfriend. And she doesn't trust him. What about this guy with white stuff coming out during sex? Oh, let's do that one.

1:11:15 Drew Let's do that one second.

1:11:16 Caller It's a Creech white stuff.

1:11:17 Drew It's marge. Because I want Chief Running Bear to deal with that.

1:11:20 Adam Well, you'll translate.

1:11:22 Drew I will translate.

1:11:24 Adam Chief, I thought it was Thunder Cloud.

1:11:26 Drew Thunder Cloud.

1:11:27 Adam Thunder Bear.

1:11:27 Drew Well, Running Bear might visit too.

1:11:30 Adam All that after this.

1:11:39 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:11:41 Caller Now you and a guest could enjoy three nights at Chicago's House of Blues, experiencing a series of amazing live concerts. And we'll get you there. Go to www.bluejamsessions.com to enter to win and to see complete rules brought to you by Blue American Loveline.

1:12:03 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Chief Thunder Cloud, uh-oh.

1:12:17 Drew Oh, no, we lost that call.

1:12:19 Adam Chief Thunder Cloud was gonna come in, and do, you know, because gynecology is really one of his stronger, What's that? Stronger suits.

1:12:29 Drew Wait, he's a shaman, Shawnee gynecologist, Navajo.

1:12:35 Adam That's right. That's right. Now, did we wanna bring him in?

1:12:40 Drew Now, come on. No, we're gonna talk to Brittany first.

1:12:41 Adam Drew, uh, Drew translates. Because he doesn't, you know, Thunder Cloud doesn't, or Thunder Bear, whatever his name is, has to speak a lick of English.

1:12:54 Drew No, no.

1:12:55 Adam No, but thank God Drew speaks.

1:12:59 Drew Fluence. Shawnee Navajo.

1:13:01 Adam Shawnee Navajo. So should we talk to Brittany over here?

1:13:06 Drew Brittany first, and then the running cloud will come in. Thunder Cloud.

1:13:09 Adam Yeah, Brittany?

1:13:10 Guest Yeah?

1:13:12 Drew I think it's one.

1:13:13 Adam Thunder Bear.

1:13:14 Thunder Bear. Thunder Cloud.

1:13:16 Adam Cloud Proud Bear.

1:13:17 Cloud Bear.

1:13:18 Adam Proud Cloud. Hey, Brittany? Yeah, 17, what's up?

1:13:26 Guest Yeah, I've been going out with my boyfriend for like two and a half months now, and he's been liking to hang out with his ex-girlfriend for a while now. And I told him I really didn't like it in the beginning.

1:13:39 Adam All right, well, let's couple a big couple of beats here. First off, how long did they go out?

1:13:45 Guest They went out for a little over a year, I guess.

1:13:47 Drew How long ago did they break up?

1:13:50 Guest Um, like five, six months ago.

1:13:53 Drew Who broke up with whom?

1:13:55 Guest He broke up with him, I believe.

1:13:58 Adam Yeah, that's bad. And, yeah, because here's the thing. When you dump a chick and you move on as a guy.

1:14:08 Drew You know what, you're not looking back.

1:14:10 Adam 90% of the time.

1:14:11 Drew Most guys are sort of embarrassed slash ashamed.

1:14:14 Adam They don't want to be around, you know, let's break this down and talk about it for a second. You've dumped a few chicks in your day. You've usually dumped them because A, you're done. You're just done with them. And I don't mean that in a horrible way. It's just, you had your sex, you had your fun, you did whatever, you were done. Oftentimes somebody better came along. Sometimes you were just finished with them. And then there's a third part of, they got weird. They did something stupid. They screwed one of your buddies. There's that kind of stuff. And then there's this one. And there's the one where you're with them for eight months, you don't even know why. Like somehow you hooked up, you had sex, you felt bad, you had nothing going on at the time, whatever. But when you move on as a guy, you're pretty much done.

1:15:08 Drew It's hard to ramble.

1:15:10 Adam But well, it's rambling time.

1:15:11 Drew It is rambling.

1:15:12 Adam Well, if you're a rambling man.

1:15:13 Drew Even if you're not, you're rambling.

1:15:14 Adam I'm a rambling man.

1:15:15 Drew That's what all men become rambling.

1:15:16 Adam Engineer Chris, rambling man, like he's got to ramble to his mom's house.

1:15:20 Drew That's where he rambles.

1:15:21 Adam He rambles to his mom's house.

1:15:24 Drew And then he doesn't say where you ramble, he just rambles.

1:15:26 Adam Yeah, and then tomorrow comes, I was gonna say not sun up, but somewhere around noon.

1:15:32 Drew Rambles back to his mom's house.

1:15:33 Adam No, he's rambling to Junior College.

1:15:35 That's all right, I'm used to it, whatever.

1:15:37 Adam He's ramble, rambles, and then he rambles over to Starbucks and he gets some coffee from his brother and then he rambles back home again to watch Jenny Jones.

1:15:45 That's all right, I'm used to it, whatever.

1:15:47 Adam Yeah, he's a rambling man. The point is, when it's time to ramble, it's time to ramble, can't argue. Myself, rambling, gambling man.

1:15:57 Drew I gamble while I ramble. I think guys have a little bit of shame, they're ducking out, they feel bad, they might have hurt somebody because they're really not interested in a relationship of any type at that point, right?

1:16:06 Adam When a girl, yes, but when a girl dumps a guy, there's unfinished business. There is, this is, you become like a champion who lost a fight, you want to go back and clean, you know that's what happens, great, but the guy's 43 and one, he wants that guy who beat him. His case, vindication.

1:16:30 Caller It's for his, it's so history.

1:16:33 Drew Unless the guy was just being an a-hole to try to get out of it kind of thing, you should knock it off, didn't you?

1:16:40 Adam Brittany?

1:16:41 Guest Yeah.

1:16:42 Adam He may be a rambling man.

1:16:44 Guest Great, well, according to whoever I talked to when I first called, I guess I have trusting issues, but the only thing that started that was we started talking like a year ago and we used to have phone sex like every night and I didn't even know he had a girlfriend.

1:17:01 Adam Oh, and he was with, oh, so he was having phone sex. He was having-

1:17:06 Guest I was trying to confront him about it, but he's like, well, that's not the same thing. We weren't really doing anything.

1:17:11 Drew Guys that cheat cheat.

1:17:12 Adam This guy's not to be trusted.

1:17:15 Guest Okay, good. So I'm not completely paranoid or anything.

1:17:21 Adam You're having phone sex with the guy while he was in the midst of another relationship. That's a form of cheating.

1:17:27 Drew And by the way, the guy that acts out in such a way as to get dumped by a girlfriend is a guy that has to go back. Can't believe he was dumped.

1:17:35 Adam Yeah.

1:17:36 Drew Oh, come on.

1:17:36 Adam And why does he need to hang out with her?

1:17:39 Guest Well, he said that they were friends for a long time before they started going out. And she was like his best friend.

1:17:45 Drew Is that true?

1:17:47 Guest And it all started because she wanted him to help her move. And you know, she supposedly had nobody else to help. And he knows their whole family. And they're like, oh, could you help her? And I told him I didn't like it, but he still did it.

1:18:01 Adam Okay, here's the thing. If a guy is really into a girl, and the girl says, look, maybe you guys are friends. Maybe you're old friends. Maybe you're going over there moving some boxes. Maybe there's nothing going on. But you know what? It makes me really uncomfortable. And if you wanna keep things copacetic with me, you'll stop doing that.

1:18:25 Drew I understand you're roped into once, but that's it.

1:18:27 Adam The guy who's really into the chick knocks it off.

1:18:31 Drew Right away.

1:18:31 Adam Right away. Whatever her request is short of no exhaling, only inhale. He'll try that, though. Any normal request for a guy who's really into a chick, any reasonable requests, and especially involves like seeing other girls or other girls, it's like, okay, they won't do it. If he says, listen, baby, don't worry about it, then he ain't that into the relationship and it's time to move on anyway.

1:18:58 Drew I think so.

1:18:59 Adam All right. So Chief Thundercloud, Thundercloud Bear, Brambling Bear. Should I bring him in?

1:19:05 Drew Bring him in, please. I think I got a couple of calls for him, maybe. Chief, Chief, please come on in.

1:19:09 Adam Let me go. Drew, you work as a translator?

1:19:11 Drew Yeah, I'll get him.

1:19:15 Adam Yeah, hey.

1:19:18 Drew Come right in here. Chris, you know what to do. You know what to do. He's not gonna repeat himself this time. Why are you smiling like that? He wants to know why you're smiling. You better give him an explanation. Stop, knock it off. Chief, we have a call.

1:19:40 Adam He's blessing the studio.

1:19:44 Drew Even you, Chris. And this now chief is Margie who's 18. Hi Margie.

1:19:51 Adam Yeah, hey, I wanna hit you, love line.

1:19:55 Drew Welcome to Love Line, what can I do for you? I'm translating for the chief, you understand.

1:19:59 Guest Okay, when I have sex with my boyfriend, sometimes it'll like flip out and there's white stuff around his penis.

1:20:10 Adam Yeah, check him.

1:20:12 Drew White stuff on the penis, have you ever tasted it?

1:20:14 Guest No.

1:20:16 Drew Yeah. Why would you?

1:20:28 I'll be a part of you.

1:20:34 Drew So, does the white stuff come out without his penis being in? You have ever noticed that discharge before?

1:20:40 Guest No, I don't think it's from him because it's like kind of around the base of his penis.

1:20:49 Adam Hold on, hold on, stop, stop.

1:20:51 Drew Have you had a pelvic exam?

1:20:53 Guest No, I have not.

1:20:54 Adam How come?

1:20:56 Drew You're sexually active. For goodness sakes, you can get cancer. It's infectious diseases.

1:21:01 Guest Right, well, I actually, I just started having sex with him like about three weeks ago and he was my first partner.

1:21:10 Drew That's good.

1:21:12 Guest Yeah, he was my first sexual partner.

1:21:16 Drew Of course, you said that.

1:21:17 Guest I had never done anything with anyone before and he's never done anything with anyone before.

1:21:30 Drew Well, that's just in this country, chief. Yeah, so that could be yeast, right? Variety yeast infection?

1:21:41 Guest No, I don't know what would be like other symptoms because I don't like, there's no smell or anything.

1:21:50 Adam What makes you think yeast smells? No, no.

1:21:53 Drew Just a little vaginal irritation, usually. Vaginal irritation. A little vaginal irritation, usually. A little vaginal irritation, usually. Okay, it may also be normal discharge, but, chief.

1:22:09 Adam Yeah, what? You're 18 years old, you're sexually active. It's time to get regular pelvic exam.

1:22:17 Drew To find out exactly what this is, probably normal.

1:22:19 Adam But of course, now that you're sexually active, it's very important to take care of your reproductive health.

1:22:27 And coffee, please.

1:22:28 Drew Coffee, please. Right now. Don't, stop filing.

1:22:31 Chris, Chris, Chris, thank you, thank you.

1:22:36 Drew Okay, thanks, Margie. And this now is, chief, this is Jennifer. Loveline, welcome to, Loveline, chief. Thunder Cloud welcomes you and blesses you.

1:22:51 I think I weirded out the guy that answered the phone with this question, but I started dating someone about a couple months, oh, four or five months ago. And about two months ago, we just finished having sex. Everything was great, fine. He started getting all, I don't know, he started wanting to fool around again. And I decided to go down on him for the first time. I mean, I know it sounds weird, but we were taking it really slow.

1:23:15 Drew Oh, not the, it was just the first time for him. I see.

1:23:20 So I went down on him, and when he came, it was really, really liquidy. I mean, almost like water, and it was so much.

1:23:29 Drew Excuse me, excuse me, she's finding bears. Hey, thunder cloud, relax. He almost, he almost, do you care? Hey, hey, what's this world coming to? He says, he has to say some prayers.

1:23:56 Drew And he's praying for your vagina too, it sounds like.

1:24:11 Drew Keep praying for your stomach.

1:24:13 This is a general, this is a real concern because actually I haven't gone back over to see him much since because I wasn't sure if maybe he peed on me or if he actually came.

1:24:24 Adam What? Can it be in your mouth? Yeah, can it be in your mouth?

1:24:30 It was everywhere. I've never experienced anything like this in my entire life. It didn't smell, it didn't taste. It just, it was so liquidy and there's so much. I was like in shock. I don't know. I don't know what it, that's why I'm calling you.

1:24:43 I don't know what it is or what it was.

1:24:49 Drew And you've had lots of experience with many male in the past.

1:24:54 I've had three boyfriends, but I've seen enough. I mean, I've never, that's why I'm asking. I've never experienced anything like this. And no, I haven't been with a lot of people, but that, I mean, you don't even see that in the movies. I've never, I was literally, I was, I was now, I was like taken back for a second. I was like, whoa.

1:25:11 Adam No, no, well, hey, hey, check it.

1:25:14 Drew What do you mean you've never seen the movie before?

1:25:16 Next to me. And then like, another big squirt came out. I was like, what was that? And I was like.

1:25:21 Caller Well, hey, hey, hey, no, no, check it, check it.

1:25:29 Drew Chief does not believe that. He wonders, first of all, he wonders with you talking so much how it is that this was impossible, but. And also.

1:25:43 I can't hear anything because he's talking right now.

1:25:46 Drew Why? You can't understand anything because of the chief? Oh, he's outraged. Didn't he?

1:25:52 I'm sorry.

1:25:52 Adam No, what?

1:25:53 Drew Jennifer, relax.

1:25:55 Adam Hey, hey, hey. You're not here. I'm sorry. Hey, hey, hey.

1:26:08 Drew After all the white men has put your people through. Don't curse the studio. Please. Just Chris. Yes, Chris is okay. You can curse him, but please don't curse the studio. I beg your pardon. I know. It's very disrespectful. Very disrespectful. Okay. So, Jennifer. Yeah. Guys can't urinate when they have an erection. No. That's not urine, chief. That's semen. You're a gynecologist, not a urologist. No kidding. What's that? It can be that thin. Yeah, it can be very thin. It can be very voluminous for some guys. And it's not about you being good or bad. It's just, that's just him that chiefs concur.

1:26:56 Adam Yes, you can. And why check out one?

1:27:00 Drew Hold on. Chief says, it takes all kinds. It takes all kinds.

1:27:04 Adam You can one.

1:27:05 Drew It takes all kinds.

1:27:06 Hey Drew, not to confuse things anymore, but I pee with a boner every morning.

1:27:10 Drew Yeah, but not with the high levels of arousal like that when they're about to orgasm and then all of a sudden you urinate.

1:27:15 Adam Don't know.

1:27:16 Drew That was chief, that was industry. No, no, it's not a spirit. It's not a spirit.

1:27:20 Adam Oh, hey.

1:27:21 Drew That was engineer. No, those things are. No, no, nope, no, he's not in the sky. Engineer Anderson is at another studio.

1:27:27 Adam No, no, what?

1:27:29 Drew No, that's not the. Oh.

1:27:32 Adam Hey.

1:27:33 Drew No, it's not Chris. It's not Chris. It is another gentleman who runs a board like this. It's not the great one. The great spirit. That was not. I know you may have, yes, you may have to appeal to the great spirit to get coffee in this studio. That's true.

1:27:48 Adam Yeah, no.

1:27:48 Drew Yes, I understand that.

1:27:49 Adam Yeah. Okay, now what?

1:27:52 Drew Chief, it's time for us to do something called Take a Break. I apologize for the impertinence of our callers and the engineer that should interfere and then frighten you like that.

1:28:03 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:28:03 Drew Check it out. We appreciate your wisdom. We appreciate it and we'll see you again soon. Thank you. Let's get the coffee.

1:28:16 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:28:17 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Adam.

1:28:18 Drew And I'm Dr. Drew.

1:28:19 Adam Here to talk about Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

1:28:22 Drew Yes, sir.

1:28:22 Adam You spray that on, you give stink the axe. Gotta get back to the phones because, Drew, that, let me tell you the star of the show is.

1:28:43 Caller The collars.

1:28:44 Adam The collars. No, it's me.

1:28:45 Caller Oh, oh.

1:28:46 Drew Okay, well, we gotta hear you talk some more.

1:28:48 Adam Everyone listen to me. Yeah, well.

1:28:50 Drew You missed that whole thing with the Thunder Club chief.

1:28:52 Adam I was out taking a leak, how was he?

1:28:54 Drew He was good.

1:28:55 Adam He, I saw him in the hole, he seemed angry.

1:28:57 Drew He got pissed off, yeah.

1:28:58 Adam He wanted coffee.

1:28:59 Drew He got angry, he wanted coffee and he, the collars made him angry. The kind of way you react to the collars.

1:29:04 Adam He wanted me to water and brush his horse. I told him, that's intern, actually.

1:29:11 Drew It's Chris, he wanted Chris.

1:29:12 Adam Well, I said get a van driver to do it, I'm not doing that. He told me he wanted it watered, saddled, you know. He rides bareback, I think, actually. It's just one of those.

1:29:22 Drew Pinto.

1:29:22 Adam Rides out of Pinto with a towel on it. Well, it's not a towel.

1:29:27 Drew Blanket.

1:29:28 Adam It's a blanket. Bree?

1:29:31 Caller Yes.

1:29:32 Adam 19?

1:29:33 Caller Yes.

1:29:34 Adam You have a Germany or Florida for us?

1:29:37 Yes, I do.

1:29:38 Adam Let's hear it.

1:29:38 Okay, here we go. A sex therapist who enjoys jogging naked lost a legal challenge against a fine for his hobby on Friday.

1:29:46 Caller A regional court of appeal-

1:29:48 Adam Lost a legal challenge.

1:29:50 Drew For what? For his hobby, I see.

1:29:53 His hobby's jogging naked. Okay, a regional court of appeal upheld a lower court conviction for public indecency against the doctor, a 55-year-old psychology who police have reportedly arrested near his home for jogging in the nude. The doctor who wears only running shoes and socks has argued in the court, there is no law specifically banning his hobby, but to no avail. The court does not support the defendant's view that running naked in public is one of his civil rights, the court said in its ruling on Friday.

1:30:25 Adam I was initially thinking Germany. Then they have like a lower court and civil rights and court of appeal.

1:30:36 Drew Here's the deal though, in this country, there are indecent laws and it would be indecent, A. B, evidence of impairment by a medical caretaker is immediate grounds for action.

1:30:49 Adam Psychologist.

1:30:50 Drew Still, they would be scrutinized.

1:30:52 Adam My dad's a psychologist, anybody could be a psychologist.

1:30:54 Drew He would be scrutinized though, if he went running naked. So in this country, I can't imagine anyone would get away with that in this country, can't imagine it.

1:31:02 Adam All the court talk sounded very American.

1:31:05 Drew Yeah, the court talk sounded American.

1:31:06 Adam But the activity sounded German, and my initial thought was German, so I'm going Germany.

1:31:12 Caller All right, Germany.

1:31:16 Adam Brie?

1:31:17 Caller Yeah, I'm sorry, can I hear you?

1:31:19 Adam We're going Germany.

1:31:21 Caller Germany? It's Germany.

1:31:23 Adam Yeah.

1:31:24 Drew Yes, all right, all right. Physicians, are there any kind of caretakers? Thank you, Brie, that was a good one.

1:31:30 Adam I think we lost the first round with the Germany or Florida, do we not? Because you thought, no, it was earlier today.

1:31:38 Drew I thought I'd heard about it in Florida.

1:31:39 Adam You had heard this story. And by the way, here's how the human brain works, unfortunately. You going, oh, I heard this story three weeks ago, actually screws you up more.

1:31:51 Drew Yeah.

1:31:52 Adam Because then it's like, yeah, I did hear the story, which was it, Germany or Florida? Then you start out thinking yourself, and you actually have a lesser chance than the coin toss.

1:32:01 Drew Right, because you're right.

1:32:02 Adam Right. Okay, let's talk to-

1:32:04 Drew You don't think it's there as objectively.

1:32:05 Adam Let's talk to Nikki. Nikki?

1:32:08 Caller Yes.

1:32:09 Adam Seventeen?

1:32:10 Caller Yes.

1:32:11 Adam What's up, baby doll?

1:32:12 Well, all right, I'm dating a 20 year old. We've been together for about six months, and he's pretty much got a fairly large penis, and I'm a very, very small girl, and it's very painful, and pretty much we do it every day and just try to see what else we can do to just get it to just be enjoyable, and nothing seems to work. Lubricant, it just, my body rejects it, and I don't know what I can do.

1:32:39 Drew What do you mean your body rejects it? What does that mean?

1:32:42 Well, I don't know what it is. It's almost like it doesn't like it. I get like a stinging. My body doesn't like it.

1:32:49 Caller It doesn't agree with it.

1:32:50 Drew Lubricant.

1:32:51 Caller Yes.

1:32:52 Drew Have you tried different lubricants?

1:32:53 What's that?

1:32:54 Drew Have you tried different ones?

1:32:56 Yes, we've tried different ones. We've tried KY warming liquid. We've tried like Aqualuve. We've tried a bunch of different ones.

1:33:04 Drew And it stings.

1:33:04 Adam So how big is your boyfriend?

1:33:07 Well, he's probably about nine long and then he's pretty thick.

1:33:11 Adam He's girthy.

1:33:13 Girthy, definitely girthy.

1:33:14 Adam Can you get your hand around it?

1:33:17 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can get my hand around it. He's not like freakishly large to like probably a normal size person. And I've, I've had a decent amount of sex and so I don't understand. I just can't, I don't seem to ever widen, you know, or know what it is.

1:33:35 Adam Well, let's figure this out. Do you guys wear a condom?

1:33:40 Yeah, we've tried it without a condom. We tried with the condom. It just, it doesn't matter with the condom.

1:33:45 Drew And the pain is sort of after penetration, right?

1:33:49 Well, it's hard to get it in there. First of all, with lube, it goes in, but it feels, it's not even like a pain. Sometimes it's a pain, but it's just like, it feels like it shouldn't be in there. And it feels like it's almost ripping me.

1:34:01 Caller It just doesn't feel right.

1:34:02 Drew You can rip. I mean, that happens.

1:34:04 I know. But it would be nice if I just would, you know? Cause maybe it would be better after that, but nothing.

1:34:11 Drew This is, this may be just one of those anatomical mismatches.

1:34:17 Adam Now the lube, beside your body not really being into it, and it's inert. I don't know.

1:34:23 Drew Well, maybe she's so irritated from all the action already.

1:34:26 Adam Maybe that is. The lube's certainly gotta be a help. Also, the condom is really gonna add more friction and marginal width to the whole thing.

1:34:38 Drew I mean, maybe you wanna give things a little rest for a week or so and then try again with lubricant.

1:34:43 See, we've tried that too. Honestly, I think we've tried everything in the book.

1:34:47 Drew Yeah, that's maybe one of those things.

1:34:49 Adam Well, you're gonna have to, yeah, you can.

1:34:53 Drew Have you tried?

1:34:53 Adam No, what I do is put the penis in and then inflate it. That's my move, Drew.

1:34:58 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:34:59 Caller Stuff it in there.

1:35:00 Adam I stuff it in there. I use a back scratch. I use one of those. Actually, remember the shoe horns, the extendo shoe horns with the horse's head on it and the bamboo? I use that.

1:35:10 Drew To shove it in.

1:35:11 Adam Yeah, somebody invented it. Somebody invented a shoe horn in like, 1955, that was a shoe horn that had about 18 inches of bamboo and then a horse's head on top of it.

1:35:26 Drew That became the universal shoe horn.

1:35:27 Adam It sold 700 billion units of it.

1:35:32 Drew All other shoe horns on a stick were outlawed. That was the universal shoe horn.

1:35:36 Adam That's the only one I ever saw that had a stick on it. It had a horse's head on it. And I'm not sure what the horse and the shoe.

1:35:43 Drew And why bamboo? Why not the smooth wood?

1:35:45 Adam That didn't exist. There was one of them. That was it. All right. So Nikki, this could be a problem. So here's what you need to do, we think. You need to find a position that's most suitable for you where you can really control the action.

1:36:02 Drew Don't go for deep penetration. Don't go for partial penetration.

1:36:05 Adam Right.

1:36:06 Drew Lubricants.

1:36:07 Adam I would keep experimenting with lubricants.

1:36:10 Drew After some pelvic rest.

1:36:11 Adam After, right. And understand that this may be a hurdle that you kids may not be able to overcome.

1:36:20 Drew Not for what you're looking for, a deal breaker, as they say.

1:36:24 Adam Right, all right. We're live.

1:36:26 Drew But as Chief Running Thunder Cloud says, it takes all kinds.

1:36:29 Adam It absolutely does. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:36:32 Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up? Why can't I meet anybody?

1:36:39 Caller But I tried everything else in thought. Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:36:47 877-889-DATE.

1:37:07 Drew I . All right, y'all.

1:37:08 Adam We'll take ourselves a little extendo break.

1:37:11 Drew You're gonna make extendo extendo break.

1:37:13 Adam Well, with any luck, I'll be in...

1:37:15 Drew We'll have some fillers in here for you tomorrow.

1:37:17 Adam Well, here's the thing. Yeah, oh, who knows? I gotta get surgery tomorrow. If I was getting surgery at 8 a.m., I'd have better chance of making it in here. I'm not gonna make it home from surgery until six in the evening, so that might be tough. But if I can get in, I'll get in. You know what, I got a little something called grit. A little something called grit. And you know what?

1:37:40 Drew Criss your ass in the bed.

1:37:42 Adam I love the listeners to this show.

1:37:44 Drew I know.

1:37:45 Adam And I'd do anything for them. We'll take a little break.

1:37:50 Caller Maybe I'll talk to you tomorrow night.

1:37:51 Adam Maybe I won't. And so until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Didn't he?

1:37:58 Caller Ooh.

1:37:58 Caller Yeah, hey.

1:38:03 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, July 6, 2004