Episode 1000618439111

0:54 Voiceover A love line may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:03 Adam Hey buddy, it's Love Line with Adam Corolla, that's Dr. Drew. Forget about that phone number. It's the best of Loveline. I can't tell you this, Dr. Drew, even though he's probably on vacation right now, having his nuts kicked around like a soccer ball by his domineering wife, he's still a board-certified physician, an addiction medicine specialist. So now, without any further ado, let's hear the best of Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Disney Concert Hall out here in Los Angeles. Went to the symphony last night with the old lady and saying how a nice usher girl gave me the green light on number one, gave me the green light on the yellow, and then we got locked out. Roxy? Was that you, baby doll?

2:01 Caller I am so, so sorry. But usually they start at least about three more minutes, like, after the time, so they'll start at, like, 808 instead of 805.

2:13 Because I really thought you were going to have a chance to go.

2:19 Adam It's just my wife blamed me. That was the part.

2:22 Caller She did.

2:22 She totally did.

2:23 Caller When I went up and said, oh my god, I'm so sorry, are you mad at me? She said, oh yeah, he's mad at you. He was just talking about how much he hated you. What?

2:31 Adam No, she didn't.

2:33 Caller That's what she said. That's what she said.

2:36 Drew She was kidding.

2:37 Adam I was a delight to you.

2:39 Drew Roxy, what?

2:39 Caller You were such a sweetheart.

2:43 Drew Roxy, he doesn't know what he heard. What were the pieces that were actually, who were the composers?

2:46 Adam She doesn't know either.

2:51 Drew Who were they last night?

2:55 Adam Angie or Chris over here doesn't know both our names. He knows me, I'm not sure you are.

3:00 Drew Roxy, you have no idea what the composers were last night?

3:03 Caller No, I don't. I don't. I'm so sorry.

3:07 Drew Poor Roxy apologizing all the way around.

3:09 Caller I know, I apologize for all kinds of things all the time.

3:12 Drew Let's get to that.

3:13 Adam Oh, come on, baby doll. How did you get the gig as the usherette over there at the Disney Music Hall?

3:20 Caller Okay, well, I started working there only because Bjork was going to perform at the Pavilion across the street. So that's how I got that job. And then when the Disney Hall opened up, they just moved most of us over there.

3:33 So I work at all the theaters there, not just at one of those two.

3:38 Adam All right. And how many theaters do they have there?

3:40 Drew Oh, the Amundsen's, the Mark Taper, the Hustler's, the Chandler's.

3:43 Caller The Amundsen, the Mark Taper, the Pavilion, and then the new Disney Hall.

3:46 Adam That's a decent gig.

3:48 Drew It's a great gig.

3:49 Adam I could see it.

3:49 Yeah, I mean, yeah, you get to listen to great music all the time.

3:52 Adam Yeah, that you never heard of and don't know what its origins are.

3:56 Drew These shows are paid for. She's smart.

3:58 Adam She's wearing that blazer.

4:00 It's looking good.

4:01 Yeah, that thing is kind of heavy sometimes, but...

4:04 Adam You look good in the blazer. Gray slacks. It's a smart look.

4:09 Drew Little tie.

4:10 Well, they were black, but yeah.

4:12 Adam Oh, black slacks. I had a nip of wine, you know. Well, I had to drink. I had to numb myself. Do you understand?

4:24 Caller He had two drinks before he went inside. One that he put down right before he went inside.

4:32 Drew When was he actually able to sneak him in?

4:34 Caller I got him in five minutes after it started.

4:38 Adam Wasn't bad. I didn't have two drinks. I had the one drink.

4:44 Drew She doesn't know you had a bottle of wine before you got there with us.

4:50 Adam What are you going to do? All right, Travis.

4:53 Hey, how are you doing?

4:55 Adam You're 20. What's up?

4:57 Caller Well, fun stuff.

4:58 First, I just want to say you guys are great. I think you guys probably have about the most balanced outlook on life of anyone. Oh, thanks, Travis.

5:07 Adam Well, here, let me explain something about our, what you call a balanced outlook on life, which is other people on the radio would have a balanced outlook on life if they didn't lie. They just lie about stuff because they can't. Here's the whole thing about radio.

5:24 Drew It's not just radio, it's our culture, right?

5:27 Adam The people you see on TV and especially the people you hear on the radio have a persona that they have to keep up, so you don't really get who they are. Like, here's the whole thing. I shouldn't be talking about going to the symphony. Do you understand? Because it doesn't bode well with my, you know, young, stupid, misogynistic, whatever persona I should have to do this half of the radio. You understand? And Drew shouldn't say he's in favor of legalizing marijuana because it wouldn't work well with his persona that radio dictates he should have. Our problem is we don't really have that, so it seems like we're sort of sensible, and other people don't seem sensible. If you heard them off the radio, they would sound sensible, but they're cowards. They have to pick a strong angle. I don't really call it cowardly. What did you call it, Drew? They're insecure. They don't think they can be entertaining and sort of ride effects. Be real, be real. Yeah, they've got to be black or white about something. If they're a Republican, they have to agree with everything Bush does. They're a Democrat, they have to agree with everything Kerry does, and that's it. They don't actually think that way. That's just the way they have to sound on the radio. Thanks, Travis.

6:43 Caller I guess there's actually two questions. The first one's a little more serious, but first, I actually had a condom broke last night. I'm not really normally concerned because my girlfriend's on birth control as well, but I guess she was about maybe like 12 hours off, two days in a row with her pills, and we're worried, how serious is that? Should we go to a doctor? Should we get a morning after pill?

7:06 Drew So earlier in the month, she was 12 hours off twice?

7:11 Caller She was late, two days in a row.

7:15 Drew There's not much you can do about that, really. It's going to be what it's going to be. She's probably fine.

7:20 Adam What about morning after, Steph?

7:22 Drew So have her double down? Basically, talk about her doubling up on her pills. She's already on her pills. Where is she on the cycle, do you know? I'm not sure. I just think it's going to work nearly as well as it's supposed to, just not exactly as well as it's supposed to, missing it by a few hours like that. I don't think doubling down is going to add anything, I really don't.

7:47 Caller My other thing, I guess this is kind of a little history. I've been basically smoking heroin, opium, whatever you want to call it, for about six months. That's become a pretty serious problem. I've tried a lot of times to quit. I quit for a few weeks, and I kind of get drawn back, because the withdrawals get pretty intense.

8:10 Drew Well, it's not just the withdrawals. Once you get through the withdrawals, you're still going to go back, unless you get treatment. That is an absolute guarantee. Opiate addiction is the most serious form of addiction, and it does not remit by itself. Everyone has a fantasy belief that if I could just get through the withdrawal, then I'll be fine. The fact is, it alters permanently the motivational priorities of your brain, and that requires treatment. So go to NA.

8:40 Caller Go to NA.,

8:41 Drew and see if you can get some referrals.

8:45 Caller How much can they do? I know there's a lot of drugs they can give you, because it is an opiate thing. Is there stuff they can do to kind of ease the withdrawals at all?

8:52 Drew Yeah, I treat it every day, but I don't treat opiate addiction outside a hospital. I just don't believe it's...

8:58 You don't do it out in the parking lot?

9:00 Drew I require people to come in the hospital for it, because it never works.

9:03 Adam You mean stay in the hospital?

9:04 Drew Stay in the hospital for five to seven days, and yes, it can make it very easy. Five to seven days? Much easier, yeah.

9:10 Adam Five to seven days? That's it?

9:12 Drew That's it.

9:14 Adam For what?

9:14 Drew For opiate withdrawal.

9:15 Adam Oh, really?

9:16 Drew Yeah. It's no big deal. It's no big deal. That's the thing that kills me. People have to go get general anesthesia and all that stuff. Opiate withdrawal, no problem. Get you through it.

9:25 Adam But is there some sort of sober living or something they should go to after that?

9:29 Drew That's not treatment.

9:31 Adam They go hang with you for a week and then it's off to the loony bin. A bunch of guys chain smoking, putting stuff out in coffee cans. What is it, by the way, that these guys can't invest in ashtrays? You always see these guys. They're always sitting on the picnic tables. They got the trash. They got the coffee can. They got some sand in it and stuff. They never just have regular ashtrays. I don't know what that is.

9:52 Drew Ashtrays are not cool anymore. Those are from the fifties.

9:55 Adam It's such a volume of smoking that goes on.

9:57 Drew I think that's part of it, that the sheer magnitude overwhelm any ashtray.

10:02 Adam You can't have the holiday in ashtray. You got to have just like a huge five-gallon Senka can there, a Hills Brothers can, or some of these guys. They always seem to be sitting out on the picnic table just smoking.

10:16 Drew It's good times.

10:17 Adam You know, the thing that's funny about when you see people go out and smoke, sometimes it's a social thing, but most of the time the people, the only thing they have in common is the smoking. So it's like five people sitting at a picnic table with their backs all turned to each other, smoking.

10:31 Drew My favorite place is the little bins at the airport they'll have to go into.

10:36 Adam They should have, you know, they're constantly beating on kids not to smoke, you know. They really need to arrange field trips to the airport.

10:46 Drew Yeah, to see it.

10:47 Adam Take them to the Vegas airport there. Look at it. They have it. It's really like a terrarium for smokers. Like kids could come up like, don't feed them, Johnny. Well, I got some extra honey roasted nuts. No, no, no, no.

11:04 Drew Have you seen that 60s gate terminal at the United where they've got the outdoor bin?

11:09 Oh, yeah. That's great.

11:11 Adam But at least that's outdoors.

11:12 Drew Yeah, but it's got high fences around it. It looks like a whole new thing.

11:16 Adam I like the box.

11:18 Yeah, the glass box.

11:19 Adam The glass box. You can just go in and observe the smoker and his natural habitat. It's great. Like they really should just throw like a tire swing in there, be like a monkey cage. Yeah. And they're all, everyone just sitting there smoking. Everyone's walking by looking at them like loser. You're so chained to your addiction, you can't even make it out to the curb, you know, or you're getting on to the plane and you got to suck a butt up, you know. And of course, now, however, however much smoke you're taking in when you're smoking a cigarette, it's got to be 70 times as much as you. I mean, it's like firemen don't go into that kind of environment.

11:56 Drew How do you have to light up in there?

11:59 Adam That's a good point. That's a good point. Like if you're running low on butts, as a matter of fact, you just.

12:04 Drew Save some money.

12:05 Adam Break a filter off and just put it in your mouth and put like a funnel on the end of the, on the end of it. Two filters in your nose and then one with a funnel on the end of it, like a Dr. Seuss horn. You just sit there just smoking, smoking everyone else's smoke. That's great. I love, I really, I just love the glass thing and I just, you know, I just, you should, there should just be a field trip. Kids should come up. They should line up. Take a look at the smokers, everybody. This could be you.

12:36 Caller Yeah. All right.

12:36 Caller All right.

12:37 Adam And by the way, whatever's going around on that plane, I guarantee is worse, worse than a couple of cigarettes from a respiratory standpoint at the six, you know, you're flying 18 hours into Taiwan, but some guys on the plane's got SARS, but believe me, there's something weird going through that, but whatever's going through that plan, every patient that I have, that I see that, that in my practice, that ends up going to the Orient, to Asia, comes back with a respiratory infection every time they go. So they smoke. They're all smokers. Corey?

13:09 Caller Yes?

13:10 Adam You're 16?

13:11 Caller Yes.

13:12 Adam At least in Vegas, they have slot machines in the smokers thing. So you can sit there and sort of double down on two addictions.

13:19 Drew Is there a smokers thing in Vegas? Is it a smoking airport?

13:21 Adam No. There's no smoking airports in it. I don't think there's any smoking airports in the United States, but there is, Vegas has the cage.

13:29 Drew Well, their cage is elsewhere too. There's some really obtuse ones.

13:33 Adam Yeah, there's some great ones. All right, go ahead, Corey.

13:36 Caller Hi, I'm here for Dr. Drew. Yeah. And I was wondering if you knew of any weight support groups in Maryland?

13:46 Adam What do you do? You mean overeating? What are you coming in at?

13:52 Caller About 250 and about 511.

13:58 Adam And you're 16?

13:59 Caller Yes.

13:59 Adam Are your parents big?

14:01 Caller No.

14:02 Adam They're not?

14:03 Caller Well, my mom is, but my dad, he was in the Navy, so he's not like huge, but I mean he's average.

14:10 Drew You're overthinking everything. You've got everything all figured out.

14:15 Adam Listen, remember Gilligan's Island, the skipper, the fattest guy on the island?

14:18 Drew He was in the Navy, too.

14:19 Adam He was in the Navy. That's right.

14:21 Drew He was the captain of the Navy.

14:23 Adam I don't know what the hell he was. He was drummed out for hitting a guy with his hat. True. What happened to people hitting people with their hat?

14:35 Not so popular anymore.

14:36 Adam I didn't wear hats. All right. So, Corey. Let's talk about your diet. Are you eating a lot?

14:44 Caller Well, actually, me and my dad are starting up this Body for Life program. Hopefully, that will help me lose some weight.

14:52 Drew That's a good program.

14:55 Adam I play football and all.

14:56 Drew You do play football?

14:57 Caller Yes, I do.

14:58 Adam How does that program go?

15:02 Caller You eat six meals a day and it's basically you're trying to even out your protein and carbs. So, you're trying to just turn out your protein and carbs.

15:12 Drew This is a pretty reasonable diet, a lot of exercise, a lot of cardio. The other options are get a dietitian and have them follow with you or go to OA if you wish. It doesn't look like you need that kind of thing. You just see you're a big guy.

15:27 Adam What are you doing? What position are you playing football? Tackle.

15:32 Drew How small do you need to get? This is all going to take care of itself. This is what you call baby fat, I bet you.

15:50 Adam Yeah. And listen, they'll take whoever rolls into that recruiter's office, like we have a very stringent test. It's like the smoker's pen at the Vegas airport. Like here's what you need to get in, feet. That's how you get in. The initiation is you walking into the recruiter's office. Actually, yeah. We'll take you. Yeah. I would imagine.

16:12 Caller For the brains?

16:13 Adam Well, I would imagine now, especially, that everyone being recruited, I mean, all these guys that are in, you know, these guys are all being called up, you know. Yeah. The guys, they thought they're putting in a weekend a month for a couple of years, and next thing you know, you're in Iraq. Now, by the way, that's gotta be just bad timing. Because you go into the reserve and you figure, look, medical, dental, I put a couple of weekends in every once in a while.

16:41 Drew You figure most of them are going to be called up for public, for National Guard type duty, you know.

16:45 Adam Yeah. Yeah, there's a little looting going on. I gotta hop on the back of a jeep to drive down Beverly Boulevard. But now you're in Iraq.

16:55 Get on your knees, scumbag!

16:57 Adam Oh, that's gotta suck. All right, let's talk to Carly, who's 24, Carly?

17:03 Caller Yes?

17:04 Adam What's up, baby doll?

17:06 Caller Oh my gosh, I love you guys both.

17:08 Adam Yeah, thanks.

17:11 Caller It's funny, because the call you took is kind of on the same lines as mine. I wanted to ask Dr. Drew some questions about therapists and confidentiality. I wanted to talk to one about, I guess, an eating disorder, and I just didn't know if they thought something was life-threatening. Could they get outside help and commit me to a hospital?

17:32 Drew Yes. If they thought your behavior was going to kill you, or that you were actively trying to kill yourself, yes, eventually you get help as a product.

17:42 Adam Well, what are the rules with that?

17:44 Drew There's three basic conditions where people can take over. One is where you plan to harm yourself. Two is where you plan to harm somebody else. And three is where you're what's called gravely disabled, which means you basically can't take care of yourself.

17:57 Adam I think that's me.

17:58 Drew Yeah.

17:59 Caller The way you border on that, you know.

18:02 Adam Yeah. So what? What do you got? Eating disorder, Carly? I think so. I don't know.

18:07 Drew Yeah, but think how many people have eating disorders and are not committed. Really, it's a very hard call to say somebody is imminently going to die or have been planning to kill themselves because of eating disorder.

18:16 Adam You'll be up front with your therapist and take care of your eating disorder.

18:20 Drew Here's what this is all about, Carly. You don't want to get well. What? And that's the bottom line. That's the bottom line because... Carly, they're going to make you get well and you don't want to do that.

18:29 Adam 33 pounds. How much do you weigh now? Mm-hmm. And you want to get down to 90?

18:37 Yeah, well, I'm short.

18:39 Caller I'm like 5'4. 5'4? Once I do that, then I'll stop, but I just want to talk to somebody because I think I'm going about it the wrong way.

18:49 Drew Mm-hmm. 5'4. Start with the dietician.

18:53 Adam 90 pounds is a little bit light for 5'4.

18:55 Drew Yeah. It's ridiculous.

18:57 Yeah.

18:58 Caller Dieticians are like 15 bucks a minute.

19:01 Drew All right, Carly, here we go. You just don't want to do this. That's the bottom line here. You don't want to. You don't want anybody to tell you what to do. You know you're doing something dangerous, but you don't really want to change. That's the bottom line. That's the bottom line. There's a piece of you that's healthy and it wants to do what's right. You can either do it or not.

19:21 Caller It's starting to scare me a little bit about how I'm doing things.

19:25 Drew That's right. And you're going to harm yourself and you know you are, but you ain't about to stop. So it means there's a lot more going on here you don't want to deal with than just the eating.

19:34 Adam Well, let me explain this to those who have this eating disorder. And I know Drew always yells at me for trying to talk a little sense into people that have a disorder. But here goes anyway for Carly and anyone else who's trying to do it. In your mind, when you look in the mirror, you always see a fat person. Even at 90 pounds, you're going to see someone who's fat. As a society, and this is what you really need to be focusing on, pleasing society.

20:03 Drew Well.

20:04 Adam Thank you. 90 pounds is abnormally skinny and grotesque in its own way.

20:11 Drew Unattractive.

20:12 Adam And as, I'll put it this way, most guys I know would take a chick that had 10 extra pounds on her, maybe 20, rather than one that was sort of emaciated.

20:25 Drew Oh, absolutely.

20:26 Adam Yeah, especially when you're a man like Drew of extreme passion, where you could physically physically hurt somebody of that size. Weakened bones, smaller pelvis areas, less muscle and flesh on them, Drew literally snapped them like kindling with his passion. Understand? So, as screwed up as you are and as bad as you feel about yourself, and as you looking in the mirror seeing a fat chick staring back.

20:53 Drew That's going to solve everything.

20:55 Adam There's got to be, there's a part of your mind that can throw out some numbers, can dial the phone, can talk to us, and I am telling that part of your mind that 90 pounds and 5'4 is grotesque looking, okay?

21:11 Drew That's right. But that this decision to make things good and to manage your feelings by correcting all your problems with weight loss, that's the bigger issue here. There's something really going on there.

21:27 Adam But good times, good times, good times, yeah.

21:29 Drew Of course.

21:30 Adam All right. Should she just start with OA or something, or what should she do?

21:35 Drew She needs a professional in her life, whether it's a dietician or a therapist, whatever. No one's going to force her into a hospital with the way she's thinking at this stage of the game. And start taking direction. It's all very simple. No one can force you to do things you don't want to do, but there's a lot more going on out here than you realize.

21:54 Adam Speaking of eating, by the way, and oh my god, I swear to... I've been F'd in the A by this. Literally the last two times I went out to eat, which is... We went out to eat. I went out with Drew last night. Was that last night? Wanted the prime rib. The reason I wanted the prime rib is because the last time I went out to dinner, to a different place, a week earlier, ordered the prime rib and was told it was a mistake, it was not on the menu, it shouldn't be on there. Now, here's the whole thing about ordering, everybody. Man, when you see something, it is a visceral, primal reaction. When you think about ordering food, and especially when you're hungry, and especially when you're not at the falafel joint, you're at a place that has 40 different types of meat.

22:47 Drew You've been looking forward to all day.

22:48 Adam You've been looking forward to it, but even if... It doesn't matter if it's fish, if it's pasta, if it's chicken, whatever it is, you taste it. In your mind, you taste it, you want it, and you sort of lock into it a little bit. When you have the discussion with the waiter slash waitress about it, and then make your decision, even if it was between this one and that one, it's between the T-bone and the prime rib, once you establish one, when they come back and tell you we're out of it, it's like you're ready to just pick up and go home. It's devastating.

23:25 Drew The train has left the station at that point.

23:27 Caller It just has.

23:27 Drew It's just gone.

23:28 Adam Whatever comes after that is fine, but it's the night.

23:33 Caller Not what you wanted.

23:34 Adam I'm not going to be a drama queen and say the night has been ruined by that.

23:39 Drew But you did say that. You said that last night. Maybe not for radio, but you actually said it in person.

23:44 Adam That may have been the wine talking, but the point is, it is substantially cut into the evening.

23:49 Drew And the waitress sold it to you with all kinds of extra sort of descriptions about the cut.

23:54 You want the end cut.

23:56 Adam That's usually horse radish. And cut. And cut's a little, it lives a little well-done.

24:01 Caller And it goes well with the cream mushroom.

24:03 Adam I said, well, I don't like the end cut because it would be a little dry, but I don't want the pink center. She said, well, we'll give you a center cut and we'll toss it on the grill for a minute. You know, we'll cook it up, we'll heat it up, we'll toss it on the grill for a minute. And I'm picturing that horseradish sauce. And then she, you know, they come back and here's the thing.

24:20 Drew Timing on that's key too.

24:21 Adam When you come back and you don't got that prime rib, you need to come back, you need to have an offering. First off, you can't have that, oh, hey, FYI, out of the prime rib, get over it and let's pick something else. No, here's what you need. I need like, listen, Adam, can we talk? Yeah, what's up?

24:40 Drew An emergency.

24:40 Adam Not here. Not here.

24:42 Drew It's coming to our debriefing room.

24:44 Adam We go out to the car, smoke cigarettes. What's on your mind, baby? Out of the prime rib. Oh, hold on. Easy, easy. No, I start climbing out of the car. Adam, no, don't do anything stupid. You take it out on yourself, man. Okay. We talked about other meat options and I brought this in. Yeah, that's what I need. I need to be debriefed. You know what I need? The counselors that were waiting at the school after Columbine. I need that group. I need that team to come out.

25:18 Drew Then you need some compensation, too.

25:20 Adam Now, this is what we're talking. We're talking, look, we're knocking 10 bucks off the T-bone or the filet.

25:29 Drew And then you need to be debriefed. That's just the intro. That's to get you on board.

25:34 Adam Here's how it has to go. Hey, Adam, good news and bad news. First off, good news. You're getting $20 off.

25:42 Caller Anything you want.

25:44 Adam Anything you want.

25:44 Caller Except, except the prime rib.

25:47 Adam But you know, I swear to Christ, all you got to tell me is we're going to throw in one more stock of asparagus and I'd probably be happy to give an extra dollop of sour cream on the potatoes. That whole, we're out. Get over it. What's next? There should be lawsuits against restaurants. They should have to just give you the, and it's not even a, here's the whole thing. And we got to go to breakthrough. But here's what I'm saying. It's got nothing to do with money. It's it's it's it's being let down.

26:15 Caller It's easing you out of the letdown.

26:17 Adam Yeah, like, yes, yes. If you said, look, we're out of the prime rib, we're going to comp all the sides tonight.

26:22 Caller You go, you go, huh?

26:24 Drew Huh? Huh? The reality is they can say, Adam, this is Rita. She's a massage therapist.

26:30 Adam Yes.

26:31 Drew She's going to give you a rub down. Now, during the rub down, I've got to have a conversation with you.

26:35 Adam I was, you know, the food was great, but the whole, I just feel warm. The whole time I'm eating, it's like, this could have been prime rib. And I would argue, you know, being out of the prime rib is not like being out of the salmon.

26:47 Drew No, no.

26:48 Adam This is a visceral, this is fat and horseradish and like burnt flesh. Yeah.

26:54 Drew It's a ritual, too.

26:56 Adam All right, we got to take a break. We'll be right back. Guess how many terrific sense acts deodorant body spray comes in? No, more. I think I screwed that up. Anyway, seven's a nut, right?

27:17 Drew Seven's great.

27:32 Caller That's my partner, and on again, off again, lover.

27:36 Adam Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-

27:37 Drew Are we off again?

27:39 Adam No, no.

27:40 Drew We only say that when we're freaking out.

27:42 Adam Okay, off again, on again. How about that? The ass is half full. Dr. Drew, fresh off his triumphant trip to New York City. All right, now, when were you frowning? No. Chris, you? Yeah, it was a hi-hat. When we left off, we're speaking to...

28:01 Drew Becca.

28:02 Adam Becca, Becca is 14. Becca met a guy when she was in Los Angeles. She lives in Minnesota.

28:11 Drew And he's 16, they met out here, and he's since flown twice to Minnesota. How does that work? How does a 16-year-old manage that?

28:19 Caller Well, I think his dad pays for it, or he might like, I think sometimes he works and he like earns his money and he comes out here.

28:26 Drew But don't you think, well hold on a second, don't you think his parents might have sort of issues with that?

28:31 Caller Well, he was with his dad, and he's not like in touch with his mom at all.

28:36 Drew Who, is he very, is dad real wealthy or something?

28:40 Caller He's not, I mean they're well off, I don't know like how wealthy they are, you know? And-

28:45 Drew How about your parents with this guy coming out? Are they okay with that?

28:49 Caller Well, like my dad isn't as much, but they really like him and they trust him, and I guess they respect him, so he stays at my house and I think they feel as long as they have the control under their roof, you know?

29:02 Drew And so they let you stay there, they feel his unaccountability, they trust him, and so what's the question?

29:06 Caller Okay, well, there's kind of two points I wanted to get across, but-

29:10 Caller What's the question?

29:11 Caller Okay, when he was here, well, this is like my first time doing anything like sexual, well, not my first time, but this is the only guy I've done stuff with this far.

29:22 Drew What's the question? What's the question?

29:23 Adam Drew thought he was gonna ride a little ironic momentum into parents trusting, so he thought, let's try some decent radio, we'll do a segue because she's one breath saying, my dad trusted him, and the second one is-

29:36 Caller You're gonna go around sex.

29:37 Adam One has to do with getting semen out of fabric because they already flipped the sofa pillow once.

29:44 Drew But no.

29:45 Adam Drew thought for a second, thought for a second, he was gonna get one of our callers to go along with him, and he made a valiant attempt after the third time she didn't want to, you know, he said one more time, nah, Drew.

29:58 Drew You understand?

29:59 Adam Get our callers to do anything. It's really, it's like trying to get your cat to do something.

30:03 Drew You're right.

30:04 Adam They do zero. And the more you want them to hop up on your lap-

30:07 Drew I gotta get a laser pointer.

30:09 Adam The less you get at them. You need a squirt gun. All right, Becca, what is the question?

30:14 Caller Okay, well, I gave him oral sex, and he did the same for me. And recently, he told me that he had a cut on his femintalia, and he told me that it really hurts. So the next day, he goes and he gets it tested at the hospital he's at or something. And they did blood tests and everything, and he has 80% chance of having herpes.

30:37 Drew Yeah, it sounds like herpes.

30:39 Caller Yeah, and he, like that day, he called me up and he's like, this isn't going to change or anything between us and blah, blah, blah. And he's like, I love you. That's nice. He's like, but I think I got it from you. And then I'm like, because there was a whole other part of him lying and like cheating, and then I like forgave him. And he, I guess he like did some stuff like that with some other girls too, but didn't tell me about it.

31:06 Drew Have you had any, do you get cold sores in your mouth?

31:09 Caller Yeah, when I gave him, I had a cold sore and he like, I didn't really think of anything of it. And then like when we were like making out, I guess he got one too on his mouth.

31:21 Drew Yeah, but your cold sore on your mouth is also what gave it to his penis.

31:25 Caller Yeah, that's what he thinks.

31:27 Drew No, no. No, no, Becca, that's what did it for sure.

31:30 Adam That's what he thinks.

31:31 Drew For sure.

31:31 Adam Well, let God decide.

31:33 Caller What if it was from any other girl that he could have done it?

31:36 Drew It'd be too wild a coincidence that you should have a cold sore, transmit it to his mouth, him having no previous knowledge of that, you know, not understanding when he sort of thought he had a cut on himself. He wouldn't have, he wouldn't have announced it, you know, if he had tried to hide herpes or, you know, or no one had outbreaks before.

31:52 Adam I'm just picturing dad down at the kitchen. Kid comes out, oh, somebody slept late. Really?

31:59 Drew Can I make you some omelets?

32:01 Adam I'm doing a lumberjack stack. What are you in for? You like the pure maple or you like the boys and Barry? I got to tell you what, son. I'll give you both. You got a pubic hair on you. Nope, other side. Got it. All right, son, sit on down. Can I do you for some fresh squeeze? What the hell you think is going on? Drew, that's it.

32:21 Drew What?

32:21 Adam You can't build a wall around your house.

32:23 Drew I really need bars. Just take a jail.

32:27 Adam Listen, oh my God.

32:28 Drew With lasers, with lasers.

32:29 Adam You got that daughter, you got that crazy wife. She's gonna be dressing her like she's on Sex and the City when she's 13 years old. She's gonna be wearing like a bolos and stiletto heels. You watch that wife of yours. Watch out. You watch out. You watch out. Let me tell you where you keep that daughter of yours. You keep, don't go down, go up. You put her on a weather balloon. Moon, moon. No, just tether her to like a weather balloon.

32:56 Drew No tether, no tether.

32:57 Adam No, no, she'll get away. She'll get away.

32:59 Drew These crazy guys will show me.

33:00 Adam You tether at the top of the house. In World War II.

33:04 Drew Dirigible pole.

33:05 Adam They used to have.

33:06 Drew Dirigible poles.

33:07 Adam They'd have, you know, they had the cables. They had a whole netting and stuff. They would hang, they would just hang those balloons up there for dive bombers and get tangled up in them. You just get one of those, a couple hundred feet of cable, one of those, you know, size of a camper, strapper up there. Give her some trail mix. You gotta pull the thing down. You know, during the winter, it's up to three times a month. You gotta bring it down. Meanwhile, she gets an education up there. You send her up for your greater work and send her back up. And she just hovers above the house.

33:37 Drew Is it wireless internet?

33:38 Caller Yeah, send her up there, yeah.

33:40 Adam She has a wireless internet, she gets a laptop, she's up there. You know, when she wants to come down, she signals you by throwing a shoe onto the roof. That's how you know. And that's when you reel her. You reel her back down, yay, let her get out of the harness a little, move around and, you know, crap her and right back up. That's how you got to raise her. Raise her like a dirigible.

34:11 Drew All right, back up. Let's get her back up. Yeah, back up.

34:15 Caller So I was just wondering, like, what are the risks for me? Would I have it for the rest of my life if I have it oral, herpes, or how?

34:23 Drew Yes, you have it, you have it in your mouth and you will have it for the rest of your life. So whenever you have an outbreak, if you give somebody oral sex, you will transmit that virus. Now, you could also do it, even when you don't have an outbreak, so you obviously have to be very, very careful. My concern also is, did you get genital herpes since this guy did the same for you, as you said? Do you have any symptoms?

34:44 Caller I don't see anything, I don't feel anything.

34:46 Drew Okay, all right, so you're probably okay that way.

34:48 Adam Are you living with your dad and your mom?

34:51 Caller What?

34:51 Adam You're living with your dad and your mom?

34:54 Caller Yeah.

34:55 Adam How big is your house, by the way, that-

34:58 Drew You pulled this off.

35:00 Caller I don't know, we have like a guest, he stays in the guest room and like, then we have a basement and sometimes they leave cause they're not always home, you know?

35:11 Drew Oh my God. Oh my God, what is up with the parents?

35:14 Adam Now what do you want? What's this, this guy's flowing in. Oh Christ, when I was 16, I was begging one of my friends to let me try his moped.

35:27 Drew Begging.

35:27 Adam Begging, that was it. Just, I'll go around the block. You can hold my ceramics project.

35:34 Caller No.

35:40 Adam I was probably begging my parents to get me a yearbook or something at school. I was flying from LA to Minnesota banging around with a 14 year old flying back multiple times at 16. Holy Christ.

35:52 Drew Well, let's make sure we answered all her questions in one last swipe with Becca. Becca, was there anything else?

35:58 Caller Yeah, so then, if I ever have any more activity with other people, I shouldn't, I should tell them.

36:07 Drew I think you should.

36:08 Adam Yeah, especially, you know, your dad may not, he may start flying in people internationally to screw around with you. I mean, he may not limit himself to the contiguous United States. He may be going into Canada, into Europe, even the Middle East.

36:23 Drew In a way, it's sort of quaint. This guy's telling you he loves you and he keeps coming out. He's interested in you, he's into you. But at your age, this isn't likely to last, you know, at the distance at all involved. Even though he seems to have the resources to kind of overcome some of those things.

36:37 Caller Yeah, this is 14.

36:39 Drew And there's the internet, yeah, 14.

36:43 Adam Oh, okay.

36:45 Drew Oh, but almost 15.

36:46 Adam No, she'll be 15. Yeah. Not really almost, she'll be.

36:49 Drew When? Just for, just for kicks.

36:52 Adam 12 and a half months from now.

36:55 Drew Last, last, last brush.

36:56 Adam Becca, when are you going to be?

36:57 Drew When's your birthday? What month? May?

37:01 Adam May what?

37:02 Drew May. May.

37:03 Adam All right.

37:05 Caller March, April, May.

37:06 Adam Not, not, not close enough to be, oh. Yeah, three months away from, from your birthday. All right. That ain't almost anything. Chris?

37:16 Hi.

37:19 Adam Oh, thank God for Chris. What's up, baby doll? You're 23.

37:25 Caller My question is, I've been married to my husband for almost two years now.

37:29 Drew It's funny how married to a husband.

37:32 Adam Mm-hmm.

37:33 Caller Good. Yeah, for about two and a half years. And I haven't been able to have an orgasm with him. But the guy I dated before him, I had orgasms with him. So I'm curious why I'm not able to have one with my husband.

37:47 Adam And does your husband know this?

37:50 Caller Yeah. We finally decided to call because, yeah, he knows that.

37:55 Drew And he knows that you're not having them? Or he knows you used to have them with somebody else?

37:59 Caller He knows that I have had them in the past. He knows both. And that I'm not having them with him.

38:03 Drew All right. Let's take a little break here and then tackle this, shall we? Yeah, we have some more questions, and we hopefully have some answers here.

38:12 Adam Well, I mean, the last guy, I mean, it could be anything. He was hung like a black rhino. He was a black rhino. Actually, and just the crazy positions, and the toys, and the added partners. I mean, you know.

38:25 Drew I really loved him.

38:26 Adam And we were in love, and I was attracted to him.

38:28 Drew He was a great look, and big shoulders, and muscular.

38:31 Adam Broad at the shoulder, narrow at the hip. All right, everyone knows you don't give no lip to Big John. They should write songs like that now, Drew. All right, we're going to take a break. We'll get back with Chris, 23. I like the sort of progressive nature of their relationship. The husband wants to give her an orgasm. He's a secure enough guy. He's not taking it personally. We're going to work this out. Figure out. We'll figure it out after this.

38:57 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

39:07 Caller Every hour, two Americans under the age of 25 are infected with HIV. Protect yourself. Call toll-free 1-866-344-KNOW.

39:42 Adam Who is this, Anderson?

39:44 Caller This is the Strokes, Adam.

39:52 Adam This is a song that's playing when I enter the bar.

39:54 Drew You've changed your song.

39:56 Adam You may have changed the bar. Now picture me walking in slow motion.

40:02 Drew Air blowing back.

40:03 Adam Hair blowing, leather jacket. Slung.

40:06 Drew Oh, your hair doesn't blow.

40:06 Adam Slung, no, but I'm moving in slow motion. Chicks, ladies, checking me out, sliding their glasses down, looking at me. Guys in fear, guys getting ready to rack up a cube, you know, getting down, ready to break, looking up, looking in fear. Bartender, everyone, everyone knows. Everyone knows.

40:23 Drew And here's what they notice. Here's what they see when they look at you. When they notice.

40:27 Adam It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's what they hear, Drew. Ah, Drew, forget it. Here's what they notice.

40:41 Drew I'm too tired.

40:42 Caller Hey, you guys realize that I'm the one who came up with that a little bit that we've done numerous times?

40:46 Adam Yeah.

40:46 Caller Yeah, this little pat, pat, pat myself in the back a little.

40:49 Adam Yeah, no, that's fine. Yeah. As soon as you're gone, I'm going to take credit for it. And then people will tell me it's a lame idea. And I'll say, well, Anderson thought of it. That was, that was, that was Anderson. He started playing the goofy music. What was the original, what was the original, my original theme song?

41:09 Caller That was Jimmy Eats World, who's another band that we should talk about as our friends of the show that we're...

41:13 Adam Oh yeah, nice guys.

41:15 Caller Yeah, get them back.

41:18 Adam Anyway, Chris. All right, so we're going to work your stuff out. I like you guys. Chris, this is my song. Picture me entering the bar. All hits turning, all hits turning. Oh yeah. Walking in slow motion, guy scared, chick swooning as I pass by. Again, that stride, that confidence, slow motion stride. Just see my boots.

41:42 Drew My very expensive boots.

41:44 Adam Yeah, moving along the floor, jacket slung over.

41:47 Drew Chris, here's this.

41:51 Adam That's right. All right, now we got the joke right. Okay, last boyfriend gave you an orgasm. Through intercourse, through oral sex, or through both? Through intercourse. Tall order. And now, your current man, husband, can he give you one through oral sex? No.

42:14 Caller In oral sex, I never had one because I get to like a certain point.

42:18 Adam Yeah, it gets overwhelming.

42:21 Caller It's uncomfortable.

42:22 Adam I'm that way too, except for then I come. Other than that, we are the same.

42:27 Caller Good for you.

42:30 Adam I bet your man could get me there.

42:33 Caller Oh, I don't think he'd want to get you there.

42:36 Adam Well, we'll have to ask him. All right. Okay, so, now what-

42:44 Drew We're sort of, we're-

42:46 Adam We're pea-footing around the issue. What is so different about what the new guy's doing versus what the old guy's doing? And if the answer's nothing, then tell us.

42:57 Caller Nothing, nothing, if I talk, nothing that I can think of. I mean, I even think there-

43:02 Adam How about you get on top and grind away a little bit? Give yourself a little stimulation.

43:09 Caller We've tried that and I really don't like it.

43:12 Adam How about the vibrator? You ever try the vibrator?

43:14 Caller I don't like both. I've tried them and I don't know, they just don't do anything for me.

43:19 Drew Okay, are you on any medication or birth control pills now? Is that a new thing for you?

43:24 Caller No.

43:25 Drew You were on that with the previous boyfriend?

43:27 Caller Yeah.

43:28 Drew Same exact pill? Are you on any other medication?

43:31 Caller No.

43:33 Drew Have you had children since then?

43:35 Caller No. No, how dare you?

43:37 Adam Was there something about the old guy, like, I don't know, you know, was he, I'm not talking about penis size here, but I just mean his attitude. Was he a bad boy or something?

43:51 Caller No. The only thing I can really think of that was a difference is he weighed a lot more than my husband. So I'm thinking maybe if he was on top of me with all that additional weight, was he fat? Maybe that was doing something.

44:03 Drew Was he fat?

44:05 Caller Yeah, he weighs a good 50 to 100 pounds more than my husband.

44:09 Adam Right, well, he doesn't need to be fat, though. Your husband could be, you know, Ichabod Crane in this case, could be a linebacker.

44:16 Caller Yeah, well, yeah, my husband's very, very thin.

44:18 Drew Well, interestingly, the guy was telling us, a sociologist, a guy who studied some sociology was telling me that there was a study that tried to control for everything, every variable. And the only thing that they could associate with the probability of women having orgasm with intercourse was the size of the guy, the width of their shoulders.

44:38 Adam Really?

44:41 Well, maybe.

44:43 Drew I don't know what that has to do with anything, but that is out there some day.

44:46 Adam Well, I mean, the orgasm is a sort of primitive wiring.

44:49 Drew Yeah, yeah.

44:50 Adam Maybe it's just wired into a very visceral primitive thing that wants to be taken by a larger species, or the species.

44:57 Drew Wants to keep those genes perpetuated.

45:00 Adam The bigger genes. Yeah, you don't want to crap out any dwarfs. Interesting.

45:06 Drew Does that sound at all plausible for you?

45:09 Adam Can you? She doesn't know.

45:10 Drew You can't connect.

45:12 Caller I guess it's a possibility.

45:13 Drew But it's not something consciously you have any awareness of.

45:16 Caller No.

45:16 Adam All right, okay, so here's the whole thing. What about Viagra for someone like Chris? How about you try it?

45:23 Drew Yeah, it's not a bad idea. The things like Levitra, Silas, now are being Viagra.

45:27 Adam Give one of those a try. See if it kick-starts you. Another thing is, you don't head into the bedroom with an agenda or a mission. You don't have to reach the moon every time. Just see if you can fire up the number one and number two rockets. And then if you're going good, you get to the moon. If you go in with that sort of agenda, let's see if I can outdo it.

45:49 Drew The guys are also the ones that get screwed up about that. They got to fix things. It's a science experiment.

45:53 Adam They do, but women screw themselves up by the expectations too. Orion?

46:00 Yeah.

46:02 Adam You're 24?

46:03 Caller Yeah, 24 years old.

46:06 Adam What's up? What's up?

46:09 Caller I have these sores on the bottom of my feet. It's been about, probably about four weeks now. I was running a whole bunch too, but I showered at the gym, and then I started putting anti-fungal cream on them. I have really sensitive skin.

46:30 Drew What's your question exactly?

46:32 Caller I'm trying to get rid of this stuff, and I can't react.

46:35 Drew Well, listen, Orion, you're not a dermatologist.

46:38 Adam You know he's not a dermatologist.

46:40 Drew You can't quite describe these things to me. Are you addicted to any drugs or anything?

46:49 Caller I started taking something called Grizz Pig.

46:55 Drew That's for fungus.

46:57 Adam Right.

46:57 Caller I had that for... I picked up some fungus from...

47:01 Drew Well, the doctor... actually, Grizziofulvin, which is what that is...

47:04 Adam Grizz Pig?

47:05 Drew Grizziofulvin.

47:06 It's actually...

47:10 Drew Holy Christ. What is going on? I wonder if it's almost related to the medication, because that's an unusual medication to prescribe for me.

47:18 Adam Back to the doctor.

47:19 Drew Anyway, go to a podiatrist or a dermatologist.

47:22 Adam Mario.

47:23 Yeah, what's up?

47:25 Adam You're 19. You have a split stream of urine.

47:28 Caller That's pretty much it, yeah.

47:29 Adam Only in the morning?

47:31 Caller Well, not necessarily in the morning. Sometimes, if after having gone for a while, like when I start to urinate, it'll go up in two streams.

47:39 Drew Have you ever had any sexually transmitted infections?

47:42 Caller No.

47:43 Drew And are you sexually active now?

47:45 Caller Are you wearing a condom?

47:47 Caller This happened before that also.

47:49 Drew It means there's a urethral inflammation, the tip of the penis is basically kind of inflamed. And that can be, some people get that just from wearing a condom, some people get it from STDs. It's just something you ought to have investigated just to make sure it's not something funky going on.

48:02 Adam You were telling me off here.

48:03 Drew It's usually nothing, it's usually nothing.

48:04 Adam I think you said off here. Alright. You had that and it turned out just to be a piece of duke that was stuck in there.

48:10 Drew Yeah, but it was yours so it made it, it was very touching.

48:13 Adam Right, I remember I was thinking, I'm missing some dukes. Where is it? And I was like, Drew's like, oh, I got your duke.

48:19 Caller Right here. Alright.

48:22 Adam We'll take a quick break, we'll be right back.

48:35 Caller This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

48:38 Adam Experience the Axe Effect. I'm Adam, and that's Disgusted Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Let's get back to Lorenzo. Listen, Lorenzo. So anyway, Lorenzo took exception to my, we were talking at the beginning of the show where Michael Jackson, his young boy, seems to be a young Hispanic kid. And I was saying, I think it's a little easier to get away with that in the culture. You got a better victim over there than you do a young Japanese kid or a young-

49:23 Drew More likely to have a victim with a darker skin.

49:27 Adam You're playing your odds. Like, here's my point. Here's what I'm saying. If I'm gonna molest the 10-year-old, I pass by the Jew and the Japanese kid, the black kid, I go to the Mexican kid. I think I can pull it off with that kid. That's what I'm thinking.

49:42 Drew Maybe, I'm gonna put a dull turn of spin on it. Maybe you're just looking for a victim.

49:47 Adam No, I like the milky brown skin.

49:49 Drew And you're more likely to come across one of those first, just playing the numbers.

49:52 Adam Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm doing.

49:53 Caller All right.

49:54 Adam That's what I'm doing.

49:55 Caller But yeah, okay.

49:56 Drew In Southern California, by the way.

49:58 Caller Okay.

49:58 Drew In Southern California.

49:59 Caller Listen to me just one second, okay? The way that you put it, okay, I remember this. I was telling you, just now, interviewing Stuart Copeland. And he asked me where I'm from, and I said from Peru. And before that, he was saying that you guys can recognize whether a person was abused or has something going on on her childhood through her voice.

50:29 Caller I don't know if you remember that.

50:30 Drew Well, we can, we can, though.

50:31 Caller Okay, okay. But now, when Stuart Copeland, he asked me, ah, where you from? I said, I'm from Peru. And he started talking to me in Spanish, and just a good time. And then he said, oh, you can tell by his voice that, you know, he was, you know, abused as a child. And then, Adam, you said, well, you know, he's from Peru, you know, on that country, it's normal. Okay, so. Who cares? What I'm saying is, you know, I mean.

51:01 Drew It's normal for there to be sexual abuse in Peru.

51:03 Caller Adam, you are not an a-hole, okay? You are my guy. You know, I really like you.

51:07 Drew Well, there's a way you got that part wrong. You got that part very, very wrong.

51:10 Adam All right, let's hear it. David, I made your point, and as I make my living off of stereotyping, please don't get in the way, because one day I will stereotype against a group other than yours, and you'll be happy that I stereotype. You see what I'm saying?

51:25 Drew But you do. You don't leave anybody out.

51:27 Adam No. Including my own family, for Christ's sake. You know, so I got ideas. I don't have time to research everything.

51:33 Drew Well, you were going to tell some research you've done with the Garden Grove Police.

51:39 Adam Well, I went out with the Garden Grove Police once, and the guy told me he worked on, I'm not going to mention the officer's name, but he worked in the child services, whatever, with the molestation and the juvenile, whatever, and he said every single case he goes on is Latino. And that's probably most of the population of that group, so that's about 80 percent of it. It's not like he's working the Beverly Hills beat, but I had a talk with him, and he said it's a little more popular in that culture, and it's stuck. That's all.

52:09 Drew I think, I really think it's rural poor Mexico.

52:13 Adam Doesn't, yeah.

52:14 Drew And a couple generations ago where that got going.

52:17 Adam Listen, you're going to live at home until you're 25. You're going to get nailed by grandpa eventually. I mean, that's the long and the short of it. Diana? You're 14? You're, let's see, what does S&M stand for?

52:34 Caller That's what it means. What?

52:38 Caller My name is Brianna.

52:40 Drew Brianna. Okay.

52:42 Adam Oh, oh, oh, it's, it's not Brianna.

52:45 Drew It's not Diana like it says there.

52:47 Adam Right.

52:48 Drew Brianna.

52:49 Adam Yeah. Which is like Brianna, but it's Brianna.

52:53 Drew Probably, what, one N instead of two Ns. Right? Whatever.

52:59 Adam Well, no, I'm curious, do you spell your name the same as Brianna and pronounce it differently?

53:04 Caller Um, I spell it B-R-I-M-A.

53:09 Drew M-A? Bremma?

53:12 Caller No. B-R-I-N, B-R-I-A-N-A.

53:16 Drew Hey, like I said, one N instead of two.

53:19 Adam Oh, that's Brianna's two Ns. What the hell, what kind of name is Brianna? Uh-oh. All right. B-R-I-A-N-A.

53:29 Drew Now we didn't hear it. It must be about a...

53:31 Adam I need you to move a little closer to the smoke detector. Don't tell me you don't have one, because I heard it.

53:37 Caller I don't have a smoke detector.

53:39 Adam Move closer to the one you don't have then.

53:41 Drew There's something, look in the ceiling on the walls. You'll see a little round disc.

53:45 Caller I do not have a smoke detector.

53:47 Adam Okay, do me a favor.

53:48 Drew Be quiet for a second.

53:49 Adam Just be quiet. Hold the phone away from your mouth. Just hold it up into the air.

53:55 Drew Hold it up there for a second.

53:56 Caller Okay.

54:02 Drew We're usually at 38, aren't we?

54:03 Adam Yeah.

54:04 Drew This one, I think, must be around 50, because we didn't need. What's she doing?

54:10 Adam I don't know.

54:11 Drew Brianna?

54:14 Adam You there? Yeah.

54:16 Drew Hold on, hold on a second.

54:17 Adam I heard a smoke, I heard a thing.

54:18 Drew Oh, I definitely heard it.

54:20 Adam Well, how come we can't hear it?

54:21 Drew Because it's gonna be, it's not gonna be a normal periodicity, isn't it?

54:25 Adam No, they're all between 30 and 40 seconds.

54:28 Drew Did you just shut a door, Brianna? Did you just shut a door or something?

54:37 Adam It sounded like the door closed. Are you standing where you were standing when you started talking to us?

54:43 Drew Go back to where you were when you were, just began the conversation. Are you there now?

54:49 Caller All right, what part of the house are you in?

54:52 Caller In my room.

54:53 Adam You're in the room.

54:54 Drew Mm-hmm.

54:55 Adam Is this where you were when you were talking to us, when we were talking about the smoke alarm?

54:59 Caller Yes.

55:00 Drew Okay.

55:01 Caller But the TV was on then. It's off now.

55:04 Adam Maybe something came from the TV. Do you live in an apartment?

55:08 Caller No, a house.

55:09 Adam You live in a house? Is it a newer house?

55:13 Caller No.

55:15 Adam Yeah, but that could be 1993, right? How old do you think the house is? Mm-hmm. And no smoke detector in the house, huh?

55:29 Caller Nope. Well, in the house, yeah, of course, but not in my room.

55:34 Drew Well, go to the nearest one.

55:37 Caller I cannot leave my room at this. It's like 1 a.m. right here.

55:43 Caller Mm-hmm.

55:44 Adam Where's the nearest one?

55:45 Caller In the hallway?

55:47 Caller I have no clue.

55:49 Adam Your parents not putting one in your room means they don't love you, you know.

55:54 Caller Yeah.

55:55 Caller Yeah, I'll make sure to tell them that.

55:57 Adam My parents not only didn't have a smoke detector in my room, they kept oily rags and they let a hobo play with a Zippo lighter while I slice.

56:05 Caller Nice.

56:06 Caller Yeah.

56:06 Caller What a coincidence.

56:07 Drew Back porch made of toothpicks. Brianna Anderson, it was at a minute four. Let's see if you can find a tape of that for us.

56:14 Adam Now it wasn't at a minute four. Was it like 59?

56:17 Caller I'm not going to stop the whole show for that.

56:19 Adam He's not going to stop the show.

56:20 Caller Come on.

56:21 Drew I thought he'd go on your wall.

56:22 Caller I'll play one for you if you want to hear one. I mean, if it's that important to you.

56:25 Adam No, it's just driving.

56:26 Caller It drives us.

56:27 Adam Well, listen, we're like prisoners in the studio. I have to figure out ways to occupy ourselves. That's Anderson playing it. So listen, Brianna.

56:34 Caller Mm-hmm.

56:36 Drew You want to question?

56:37 Adam She wants to know what the S and the M stand for.

56:40 Drew Right? Sadism and masochism. Sadism and masochism. That's what S and M stands for.

56:53 Adam So sadism means you like to do stuff to people. And the masochism part is like doing stuff to you, right?

56:58 Caller Right. Oh. And I just want to say, I was listening and before when you were talking about the whole religion and stuff, you know what I'm talking about? About forgiveness and all that.

57:14 Drew Mm-hmm. Whatever. Okay.

57:17 Adam She ran out of steam there. I wish you could go back. You know what I like about, you know what I love about our callers is like you go, listen, I want you to go toward the smoke detector in the house. We don't have one. I know you, please, you have to have one and then we heard one. No, we don't. You don't, there's no smoke detector in the house? No. Because then five minutes later, I know we heard a smoke there. Yeah, it's not my room. That's it. What is it, what is that, was I that stupid at 14 or is it stupid meets combative?

57:52 Drew Yes.

57:53 Adam Stubative?

57:54 Drew Stubative.

57:55 Adam It's just stubative?

57:56 Drew Stubative, yes.

57:57 Adam Like I didn't say the smoke detector in your bedroom. I just said your house has no smoke, no, no smoke detector.

58:05 Drew Speaking of disgust, I got to talk about the newscast I'm afraid and I saw this 2020 episode about a guy getting amnesia and he was so clearly a trauma survivor with bipolar mania and they presented this story about this guy forgetting who his wife is as though it's just like on a soap, like a Gilligan's Island episode where a guy hits with a coconut and now he's ginger. It's like, oh, oh, forget, people want to believe, you know, no one consults about what, you know, I sit down thinking to myself, you know what reminded me of is that song, We'll Be Tuesday. Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind, you know, you don't have to lose your dreams Adam. You lose your mind. Yeah. Everyone knows somebody that's lost their mind because they stopped having dreams.

58:45 Adam Sure.

58:46 Drew Everybody.

58:46 Adam Sure.

58:47 Drew Never happened. Never happened.

58:48 Adam Well, that's an ad. Lucky. Lucky. Here's the whole thing. Whenever you watch a news, whenever you read an article, whenever you read the news, if it's ever about you, you know it's totally wrong. Yes. If you know anything about it, anything you ever read about yourself is just off. Right.

59:05 Drew In other words, if someone is quoting you or giving a report about you, their story.

59:09 Adam If someone did a story on you, it would be wrong. So, now everything you see on TV that isn't you.

59:14 Drew Worse.

59:15 Adam Assume that it's wrong. Assume that if that was you, it wouldn't be accurate.

59:19 Drew Right.

59:19 Adam And therefore, it isn't.

59:21 Drew Stupid. Then we've done the Jay McGraw thing, followed that, and that just was a...

59:25 Adam Drew doesn't like Jay McGraw selling more books than him.

59:28 Drew No, I don't like that.

59:29 Adam Because his dad's Dr. Phil.

59:30 Drew I don't like that.

59:31 Adam He's going to write a book for teens on how to lose weight.

59:35 Drew I don't like that the press doesn't ask questions.

59:38 Adam Ah, they're just a bunch of ass-kissers. Listen, this is the publicist. The publicist, if they hardball them, then they don't get them next time. It's just more publicist being. The publicists are just, they're leeches on society. They're really, they're pariahs. I'd like to kick all the publicists and all the attorneys and just pack them into one cannon and then pack it with ass and fire it into the ocean and just be done with it. It's a much better society. No publicists, no attorneys. What a utopia we'd be living in, Drew. This is just publicist crap. Screw them.

1:00:17 David?

1:00:20 Adam What's up?

1:00:21 Well, I had Florida or Germany for you, Adam.

1:00:25 Adam All right.

1:00:26 Drew Raise our spirits.

1:00:28 Adam It's Germany or Florida, by the way.

1:00:30 Well, I had a quick question, like an actual Loveline legitimate question real quick. This is a really quick one. All right. I just want to know, my friends and I have been arguing over this. Is it true that like the term threesome and the term gangbang have two different meanings? Like a threesome has to be two girls and a guy and a gangbang has to be two guys and a girl?

1:00:48 Drew Whatever. Gangbang implies more men. Threesome could go either way.

1:00:54 Adam Gangbang implies multiple penises. Okay, let's break it down. We never broke this down before. Gangbang means more than one Johnson.

1:01:04 Drew Probably more than two.

1:01:05 Adam Probably more than two. Yeah. Because if you thought you were going to take on a gang of two guys, you wouldn't really worry about it. So gang means three or more with the penis.

1:01:17 Caller Let's not girls.

1:01:18 Adam One vagina.

1:01:19 Drew Right.

1:01:19 Adam That's a gangbang. If you start including more vaginas, now you've got an orgy on your hands.

1:01:25 Caller Right.

1:01:25 Drew That's right.

1:01:26 Adam And then a threesome can be of any mixture, or the same.

1:01:32 Drew But when a...

1:01:33 Adam Although three guys going at it is, technically, I guess still a threesome, but the eyes have got...

1:01:38 Drew But if a guy brings it up, when a male brings it up to a girl, he's talking about two girls. Almost to that exception.

1:01:47 Adam Right.

1:01:49 Drew Germany or Florida, make us happy.

1:01:52 Caller So, I guess I'm not supposed to say where...

1:01:54 Adam Hold on. The theme. That's Pink singing the theme. Go ahead.

1:02:01 I guess it happened actually, like, a while back. There was, I guess, some, like, political turmoil going on, and it became, like, pretty intense. Like, if one guy actually develops, like, a pretty big hatred towards, like, members of, like, the Jewish race and everything, and it actually became, like, legalizing, like, the massive genocide of, like, millions of, like, Jewish people, actually.

1:02:27 Drew Was that Florida or Germany?

1:02:33 Yeah.

1:02:35 Drew Where'd that happen? Germany or Florida?

1:02:36 Adam Most our callers are stumped. Well, wait a minute. Now, this seems too obvious to be true. They wanted to legalize, what do you want to do? You want to legalize?

1:02:48 Like, the genocide of millions of Jews.

1:02:52 Drew Did he carry it out?

1:02:53 Oh, yeah. Yeah, actually, I believe that World War started over.

1:02:58 Adam Now, you're screwing around.

1:02:59 Drew Yes, he's screwing around.

1:03:00 Adam I'm so, I'm so nubby.

1:03:02 Drew Thank you.

1:03:02 Adam Don't ever call again.

1:03:05 Drew I like that.

1:03:06 Adam Believe me, Kelly. Kelly, my husband doesn't know who we're talking about.

1:03:09 Drew Expert in World War II.

1:03:10 Adam I only bring her up because I was announcing that women don't know anything about war and she fought back feverishly explaining that, yes, we do. I do. I'm studying it in school. My father is from England. I know all about the war. Who are the good guys and who are the bad guys? Oh, please. That's not fair. It's not fair.

1:03:32 Caller You are the weakest thing.

1:03:33 Adam Goodbye. It's like saying, I know everything about cars. It's like, okay, how many wheels on a car? Oh, that's an unfair question. No, that's not. It's the world's easiest question. I didn't ask you about the cam timing. I just asked you how many wheels on a regular car. That's what that was.

1:03:51 Caller Unfair.

1:03:52 Drew How dare you?

1:03:53 Caller How dare you?

1:03:55 Adam Listen. And then she got mad at me for laughing at her. But my whole thing was just don't pipe up.

1:03:59 Drew Then we had a woman called who was an expert military expert.

1:04:02 Adam Didn't know anything either or knew something. But not that much. Here's all I'm saying. A lot of people piping up in the society about stuff they don't know. It's not like me. I know everything. I'm talking about the incest in Latino cultures. I know what I'm talking about. You see what I'm saying, Drew? I have data.

1:04:17 Caller All right.

1:04:19 Adam Let's talk to... Now, look. Is this person's name Chevelle?

1:04:23 Caller Yeah.

1:04:24 Adam Chevelle? Is that your name? That's your real name? Yeah.

1:04:32 Caller Yeah.

1:04:34 Adam That's a bad sign, boy. That's serious white trash right there.

1:04:37 Caller I know.

1:04:38 Adam Your dad was...

1:04:40 Caller Yeah.

1:04:40 Adam Your dad was in the... He's in the Chevelles?

1:04:43 Drew Collect some? Think so it was a travesty that they were discontinued?

1:04:49 Caller I really don't know.

1:04:49 Drew Those are the types of things that still complain to me.

1:04:52 Adam Oh, you don't know your dad?

1:04:54 Caller But I know I was conceived in the back of the Chevelle.

1:04:57 Adam Perfect. Yeah. And yeah, it's a good thing you worked there. You could have been in a Daihatsu charade or something. I mean, it could have been worse.

1:05:09 Drew The Chevelle at 16 doesn't end in the Chevelle at every 25 years old.

1:05:14 Adam Well, Dav, it's the Chevelle, man. And let me say this once, let me say to all you white trash idiots out there with your stupid wife beaters and your bad mustaches, I watch these crappy, all I watch is car shows when I get home and I see these jackasses, oh, there's Chevelle, all this, they love all that American muscle. Let me just tell you something about your beloved American muscle car, straight axles in the back, just, drum brakes and leaf springs, pieces of junk, junk, junk.

1:05:43 Drew GT40?

1:05:43 Adam GT40 was a barely production car, they made seven of them, they just, they didn't even make them. How dare you? All that other stuff you guys get nostalgic about though, all those Corvettes, all those Mustangs. There's about three of them that are nice, the rest are junk. All that Chevelle, all that stuff, all that big bots, put the iron blocks and iron heads and 1950s technology, just junk, just pure junk. Please, get over yourselves. Those cars suck. Thank you Chevelle, go ahead.

1:06:11 Caller Okay, well...

1:06:12 Adam I'm tired of all these idiots from Florida with their bad mustaches talking about Mustangs and coming in their pants. Cars are junk. Go get in one, go drive one, it's just junk. Thank you.

1:06:26 Caller Now that you got that out...

1:06:28 Adam So your dad, your dad named you Chevelle and then split?

1:06:30 Caller No, my mom named me Chevelle. My dad split before he even knew my mom. Well, as soon as he found out my mom was pregnant, he took off.

1:06:40 Drew What's your question?

1:06:41 Caller Okay, well, I'm 16 and my best friend, her parents know that I've been going through a lot of family troubles. And they said about, because this happened about a year ago that things started getting really bad. And so they said that they would be willing to take me in as one of their kids, because they've only got two kids in any way. But my question is, if I go with them, if I live with them, then I would have to call social services in order to get it legally, like them as my legal parents.

1:07:20 Drew Right.

1:07:21 Caller But if I do that, I would be taking chances of having my other little brothers and sisters taken away from my parents.

1:07:28 Drew Taken away to a place of safe living.

1:07:30 Caller Yeah, I don't want them split up, like, not seeing each other.

1:07:34 Adam You'd rather have them together in hell than split apart in an environment?

1:07:38 Caller Well, no, because they are not treated the same as I am.

1:07:41 Caller Yeah, they're gonna.

1:07:43 Drew Well, the social services don't rush in and take everybody away.

1:07:46 Adam How many brothers and sisters do you have?

1:07:48 Caller I have two little brothers and a little sister.

1:07:54 Adam Criminal, criminal, and stripper.

1:07:57 Drew That's what I hear. Is the stepdad the one that's mistreating you?

1:08:01 Caller Is what?

1:08:02 Drew The stepdad the one that's mistreating you?

1:08:07 Caller He's like an alcoholic and my mom just doesn't like me. We constantly fight like all the time and she's constantly saying how like she regretted having me and things like that. She found out that I, you know, because I cut myself and she found that out and she grounded me for like a month for finding out about it.

1:08:32 Adam How old is this little pinta vega? I know Pacer has a weight problem. You had to say it comment.

1:08:40 Drew Grab on the time.

1:08:43 Adam No, what do you, your other friend, your other, they named after cars or?

1:08:47 Caller No, they're named after family members.

1:08:51 Adam Oh, they're named after other places they were conceived like cot, lawn and haystack. Couch. Porch sofa. Come here and do your homework.

1:09:06 Drew Hey, here's the thing, Chabelle, get out of there. It's fine.

1:09:09 Adam Hey, lounge chair.

1:09:10 Drew Social services, we're all for it. Their job is to improve things, not to make things worse. Go ahead and do what you need to do.

1:09:16 Adam All right. And baby, don't act out now. Don't get pregnant.

1:09:19 Caller I don't want to. I'm still a virgin. I don't want to.

1:09:22 Adam Yeah. Good.

1:09:23 Caller I don't want to do that.

1:09:26 Adam Here's what you all need to do. You all need to do the exact opposite of your parents.

1:09:31 Caller Yeah.

1:09:32 Adam If you have crappy parents.

1:09:34 Caller Thank you.

1:09:35 Adam Yes. You need to remain a virgin for as long as you can, get good grades, get an education and have a fruitful and healthy life.

1:09:44 Caller Yeah.

1:09:45 Adam Yes. And do that. And then wave your money in front of your parents and taunt them. That's what I do. That's what I do. Hey, yo, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Tina?

1:11:13 Caller Yes. Hi. Okay, I'm 20 years old. My boyfriend's just about ready to turn 33 here on Sunday. And we tried having sex tonight, and he just can't keep an erection. And it's been kind of going on now for a little bit. And it just kind of hurts my feelings because-

1:11:31 Drew Hold on a second, you confused me a little bit. When did you first try to have sex?

1:11:34 Caller Been going on for a little bit?

1:11:35 Drew Yeah.

1:11:36 Caller Yeah, it's been going on for like maybe, I don't know, two, three months now.

1:11:41 Drew When did you first try to have sex with him?

1:11:43 Caller When we, when did I try first having sex with him?

1:11:45 Drew Yeah.

1:11:47 Caller Oh, God. Like, we had sex yesterday, and it was-

1:11:52 Drew Didn't she tell the story as though this was something that had just happened, and then she said it had been going on for a while now?

1:11:57 Adam Yeah.

1:11:57 Drew That's my confusion.

1:11:59 Adam Well, stop being confused, because I knew what you meant.

1:12:02 Drew What does she mean?

1:12:03 Adam Well, she just, what she's doing is she's trying to soft sell it, like, oh my goodness, this happened, and then this has been going on for some time. I mean, as you scratch beneath the surface, you realize there's a little, maybe a little more here. And she's been having some feelings about it, like she's not feeling attractive. Tina? All right.

1:12:23 Caller I mean, because I'm not unattractive. I mean, I'm not like, whoa, she's like really hot. But I'm like definitely pretty good looking for, I guess, what I am.

1:12:34 Caller But I've been going through. What am I?

1:12:38 Adam What are you?

1:12:40 Caller I'm like half Asian, half Italian.

1:12:43 Caller Yeah.

1:12:44 Adam Baby, you don't have to apologize for that. You're a little nutty, but I like that. That's a good combo. Let me tell you something. The Asians, they need to be cut just a little bit. Cut down. You need to step on them. They need to be stepped on. Yeah, like when you got some pure cocaine, and you step onto it with a little baby laxative. You know what I'm saying? That's when you get the mixture just right. And that's you, Tina. Yeah, that's a good combo. That's that Eurasian.

1:13:21 Caller Yeah, well, anyways, he used to smoke, I mean, he's not smoked, like snort crystal meth. And he smokes a lot of cigarettes. And he smokes pot. I don't smoke pot anymore, because I get anxiety attacks from it. So I don't know if that's probably the reason why he's not making any connections.

1:13:40 Drew That is at least some of the reason. Certainly Crystal can do it. He's probably still doing a little speed or something. The pot can do it. But cigarettes absolutely can progressively restrict the blood supply to the penis and have ultimately a profound effect on the blood supply.

1:13:54 Adam What's up with this guy? What's he do for a living?

1:13:57 Caller He is a parts runner, which basically he gets things from one company, and he has to send it to another company.

1:14:05 Adam Does he physically drive it over there?

1:14:08 Caller Yes.

1:14:09 Adam And listen, I love the way you describe things. He has to send it. Now, he doesn't send it. He schleps it.

1:14:17 Drew He's handed it, and he gets it in his car.

1:14:19 Adam He gets it on his moped, and he drives it across town like some sort of drunken mule.

1:14:28 Caller This guy's 33.

1:14:29 Adam I mean, this is serious loser behavior here.

1:14:32 Caller Yeah, he still lives at home with his parents.

1:14:34 Drew Yeah.

1:14:35 Caller Oh my god. I know.

1:14:36 Caller He's really bad. I know, but I really like him.

1:14:39 Adam Sure, what's not to love?

1:14:41 Drew And he's an untreated addict, Tina, untreated addict.

1:14:45 Adam What do you got going?

1:14:46 Drew What's wrong with you? You can't keep an erection.

1:14:50 Caller I don't know a lot, I guess.

1:14:51 Drew Evidently. Your dad was an alcoholic?

1:14:54 Caller No, he used to abuse me when I was little.

1:14:58 Adam Well, then.

1:14:58 Caller He's different now. Like, he loved you, Adam Carolla.

1:15:00 Caller He loved you, dad.

1:15:04 Drew All abusive guys like him.

1:15:05 Adam Is this the guy, the Italian one or the Asian one?

1:15:07 Caller He's Italian.

1:15:13 Drew Tina, he didn't drink when he used to be abusive to you?

1:15:16 Caller He used to drink, but I guess he would just started having, like, high blood pressure and stuff like that.

1:15:23 Drew All right, but that's what I'm talking about. He's an alcoholic. And in his disease, he was abusive to you. And so now you're very attracted to alcoholic addicts.

1:15:30 Adam All right, look, this guy, this guy is a loser.

1:15:35 Caller Oh, I know. I know.

1:15:36 Adam All right, now look, just are you so scared to be on your own that you can't be without this guy for a few short months until you glom on to some other guy?

1:15:47 Caller No, yeah, I guess I can, because I mean, I went from a relationship that was really good. And I still really like the guy that I dumped. And I kind of get it.

1:15:57 Drew You dumped him because he was available. It was a real relationship. You can't tolerate that.

1:16:01 Adam This guy is no good. You need a little therapy. What are you doing with your life?

1:16:05 Caller I work as a retail clerk at a company.

1:16:11 Adam Fine. And listen, it doesn't matter. You're 20. You got 20 years before I'm going to screw with you.

1:16:16 Drew Stop it, sir.

1:16:17 Adam Plus, you're Asian. You got potential.

1:16:21 Drew Gap, Benetton?

1:16:23 Adam Yeah, I got all those colors over there.

1:16:25 Drew What?

1:16:26 Caller I'm actually really stupid.

1:16:30 Adam No, no, no, no.

1:16:31 Drew That's not a cognitive thing, not an intellectual problem. It's an emotional problem.

1:16:34 Adam It helps, though. No, this is just... Your dad screwed you up. He screwed you up. He screwed you up. He screwed you up. It's not about being stupid.

1:16:45 Drew How come people can't get the fact that attraction comes from trauma? They just can't... They can't get it. They can't get their head around it. It's nowhere in our culture. No one teaches it.

1:16:54 Adam No. That's all right, Drew.

1:16:57 Drew Really?

1:16:57 Caller It's kind of frustrating, isn't it?

1:16:59 Adam It is, but then I... Then I, you know, then I start drinking.

1:17:03 Caller And it all goes away. Yeah.

1:17:06 Adam All the troubles. All my troubles melt away. Pour myself a nice glass of red wine.

1:17:10 Drew This will be, you're going to be like one of my...

1:17:11 Adam I got TiVo and booze.

1:17:13 Drew You're my Empire State Building. When it comes time to treat you, it's going to be...

1:17:16 Adam TiVo and booze.

1:17:18 Drew I mean, it's going to be a monumental project.

1:17:21 Adam Forget about the booze. You were working on that TiVo. It's about 70 hours of that each day. Yeah. You know, they do. I go home and I watch TV for about two hours, about an hour, 45 minutes when I come home at night. I watch about 180 hours of programming. I just watch, like, I watch Modern Marvels on the building of the Golden Gate Bridge. It's an hour long show. I watch it in 14 seconds. And then I switch on, I watch whole movies, watch everything. Then I watch movies on DVD. I watched Smoking the Bandit 2 the other night. It took about 11 minutes. Jerry Reed's singing a song. Better fast forward through that.

1:18:08 Caller It's about the entire content.

1:18:11 Adam How dare you attack my Smoking the Bandit movies. Abraham?

1:18:15 Caller Hey, hello?

1:18:16 Adam You're 18. Uh-oh, Bakersfield.

1:18:20 Drew Yeah.

1:18:21 Adam Yeah, that's trouble.

1:18:23 Drew Very much.

1:18:24 Adam You've got to think about getting out of there.

1:18:25 Caller We just played Bakersfield.

1:18:27 Drew I can't, somehow, is Abraham your real name?

1:18:30 Adam Yeah.

1:18:32 Drew Abraham and Bakersfield?

1:18:33 Adam They're going to run you out of that town real soon.

1:18:34 Drew He's just stopping by.

1:18:36 Adam Yeah. You're not long for that town.

1:18:39 Drew All right.

1:18:40 Adam So, what's up?

1:18:41 Caller I was just wondering how you and Drew get along outside of the show.

1:18:44 Drew Swimmingly.

1:18:46 Adam Yeah. Well, let's put it this way. We talk on the cell phone on the ride home every night for 22 minutes.

1:18:54 Drew Because we don't do enough talking on the radio together.

1:18:57 Adam Yeah. I mean, you want to hear gay. Let me give you gay. We leave the radio station at 12-0, what do you think it is, 12-02 and a half?

1:19:10 Drew At the latest.

1:19:11 Adam Yeah. You know it's funny if we have to take a picture with somebody and get out of here at 12-04. We're angry. So we leave here at about 12-02 and a half, maybe 12-03. Get in our cars, my phone rings, and then Drew and I speak until I get into my kitchen. Once I get in proximity of my TiVo, then of course I got my booze, my precious or my medicine as I call it, and then my TiVo and that's it. But no, Drew, I am by the way, and let this be a lesson everybody, I don't know what kind of lesson, but I got two partners. One is Jimmy and one is Drew. And I get along great with both of them and still like, I mean, you know, I go to Jimmy's every Sunday for eight hours and watch football. I really enjoy hanging out with them. I really enjoy hanging out with Drew. You don't have to hate the people that are around you. You can surround yourself with good people and enjoy yourself. Abraham, that's why you need to get out of Bakersfield. There ain't no Jimmy's or Drew's in Bakersfield.

1:20:15 Caller No, you're right, there's not. All right.

1:20:18 Drew You see, they perhaps lighten up the highway there, getting out of town.

1:20:22 Caller All right, buddy. Do you guys ever get in arguments outside, have you ever done that before?

1:20:26 Drew No, our fights are on the air, almost without exception.

1:20:30 Adam We get in arguments, we get, no, I'll tell you what we'll get in arguments about is once in a while, Drew will try to undermine my authority when we're talking. Here's the thing, the way stuff traditionally gets done around here at Loveline is I threaten not to come in at a certain point, and Drew will always try to make it nice. Like when we wanted to move studios, Anderson said, could you push back your ultimatum date where you won't come in because I'm going to be on vacation. You asshole. I can't do that. And Drew said, why can't you do that? And I said, because a date's a date, and that's when I stopped coming in, like I did with the security guard, by the way, trying to get a security guard for eight months, cheap sons of bitches wouldn't get us one, just walking out into a dark parking lot and walking out into the street every night. So eventually, I just said, I'm not coming in after this date, and lo and behold, it's really great management, by the way, where you just have every time you want something, you have to threaten not to come in, otherwise you won't get it. But anyway, Drew was saying to engineer Anderson, no, let's push the date back.

1:21:35 Caller Come on, Adam, blah, blah, blah.

1:21:38 Adam And that's what Drew does. He gets in the way.

1:21:39 Drew He doesn't like Drew, though.

1:21:41 Caller No, no, no.

1:21:41 Drew But he's right.

1:21:43 Adam Listen, every three-toed sloth around here wouldn't move for anything.

1:21:49 Caller No, the whole Loveline team was sticking up for me, except for you.

1:21:52 Adam That's the team that's going to die in that dump known as Westwood One. That's the team that couldn't move the goddamn show for a year and a half.

1:22:00 Caller What do you mean, team?

1:22:02 Drew Wait a second. Anderson, don't personalize Anderson. What he's actually getting on to is actually a serious problem, which I'm very codependent, very. I don't set limits well. I see somebody who needs something. I'm like, okay, let's help that guy. Therapy, therapy, therapy. Yes, sir. Well, I better use to be.

1:22:20 Adam Drew's too good. But in the process of being too good, he's too bad.

1:22:24 Drew It undermines. That's right. It's not right. And I don't even know I'm doing it. And that's where you... So, I think I have a sinister consciousness that's operating, like I've got Stewie inside me, operating the controls.

1:22:36 Adam Yeah. Then I just start yelling at Drew, listen, if you're not going to do anything, just shut up.

1:22:41 Drew Which is fine.

1:22:42 Adam Yeah. See, there you go.

1:22:44 Drew But you're better off with me just shutting up.

1:22:45 Adam Yeah, I am.

1:22:46 Drew To get stuff done.

1:22:47 Adam No, I mean, let's try that now. Ready, go. That's good. You know, I was thinking about the other day, someone was talking to me about... Remember when your wife gave that crazy Asian guy my cell phone number so he could try to sell me knives? Pan pan. He called me Pan pan. He called me Sunday morning at that nine o'clock. You know, once in a while, you start talking about a story that happened, and there's ones you've sort of waxing poetic about or nostalgic about or whatever, and then you start telling stories and you go, what the F was she thinking? What was that? She gave this guy who was barely a stranger to her, I mean, she knew the guy a little bit, but not too good, and this guy was the most obnoxious man ever born, and he wanted to sell Drew's wife some knives, so Drew's wife said, and he probably said, who else could I sell some knives to? And she said, how about Adam Carolla? And he said, fine. And she said, here's his cell phone number, which I now, while I was telling this story and getting outraged yesterday at the office, I was thinking, you know, I bet she went to Drew and Drew gave her that cell phone number. Which sounds about right. And then this son of a bitch called me on Sunday morning, it was like nine something, and wanted to get together, and I was like, who is this? I don't know who this is. Oh, you don't know me. I just want to sell you some knives. And then I finally agreed to buy some cleavers off this A-hole, and the guy just turned out to be a sociopath. I was going to buy some cleavers off him for like 120 bucks a piece. I was going to buy one for me and one for Jimmy, and then he got so bent out of shape about the fact that I wasn't buying the Paul Bunyan set for eight grand, I finally told him to f off, and I wasn't going to buy his crappy cleavers, and then he went nuts. What an idiot that guy is. Jesus Christ, and what the hell is your wife giving my cell phone number for? Do you realize how crazy out of bounds that is? Do you realize how far your wife has spun out into the stratosphere?

1:24:48 Drew Well, how about the fact that I probably provided the number?

1:24:50 Adam How about the fact that you gave her my number?

1:24:51 Drew You got to, Drew. Not just remember, that guy's bringing knives into your house.

1:24:55 Adam Yeah, okay. Let me say this. Let me say this, please.

1:24:59 Drew He was a high school student in my kid's high school. Going off the branch. Yes, yes.

1:25:04 Adam Oh, God.

1:25:05 Drew He's now, now comes back every year and coaches my daughter in volleyball.

1:25:10 Adam Keep an eye on him because they're going to open a knife throwing act. Your daughter's going to be on a piece of spinning plywood while a pan pan throw a steak knife at her.

1:25:18 Drew Not just a pan now.

1:25:19 Adam Not just a pan. Jesus Christ. Like, they hit him with a frying pan. That's driving me nuts. All right, but anyway, here's my point, Drew. Your wife's a little nutty. Fine. That's your thing. You dig it. Fine. That's good. I can see that. Everyone's got their own thing going on. That's fine. You, though, being the sane one of the two, have to realize, like, you need, like, a safe word for society. You know what I mean? Like, hey, my wife's a little nutty. She doesn't really have boundaries. She likes to just sort of steamroll. She does her own thing. Fine. That's her thing. You're attracted to it. And like I said, I can see that. But you're the one who has to slide in as the voice of reality when she starts wanting to give Pan Pan my cell phone numbers so you can sell me knives Sunday morning.

1:26:03 Drew But I don't have good boundaries either and that's the problem.

1:26:05 Adam But no, no, no. But that's, see, you're the sane one. You're the sane one of the group. That's where you guys start thinking.

1:26:11 Caller Both of us need to have better boundaries.

1:26:16 Adam Well, I don't blame her. Like with her, it's like if an animal escaped from the zoo, you don't blame the animal. You got to build a bigger fence. Well, I mean, she does her thing. She does her thing. Do you know what I'm saying?

1:26:28 Drew No.

1:26:29 Adam She does her thing like the animal at the zoo does her thing. They do their thing. You're not going to stop her from doing her thing.

1:26:35 Drew You know, it hurts her very much to hear you talk about her like this.

1:26:39 Adam Well, someone should say something. She should hear this. She does her thing.

1:26:43 Drew What does that mean?

1:26:44 Adam I mean, she's got energy. She's going to do her thing. I don't look. Here's what I'm saying.

1:26:51 Drew You like lap dogs?

1:26:52 Adam No, no, no. Here's what I'm saying. I don't want to launch off into too big an attack. I appreciate your wife for the kind of person she is. She's fun to hang around with. She's got her good qualities. I can see why you're attracted to her. I see all that stuff in her. I also see that she's set in her ways, for lack of a better term. Yes, we all should strive to be better, but I'm not going to put that kind of pressure on her. I look at her as she's her. That's her. She does what she does. We all know people that are this way, by the way. You love them, you hang out with them, but there's people that just do what they do. I'm putting your wife into that category.

1:27:33 Drew But that's my problem, too, because I do what I do, too.

1:27:35 Adam But I think you have more potential for lateral movement and at least should have more. I hold you to a slightly higher standard. That's what I'm saying. And for someone who's been through as much, read as much, and done as much as you, you should have a little light going off in your head when she's asking for my cell number so Pan Pan can sell me a knife knife. Yes? Cleaver cleaver. All right. We're going to take a break and we're going to take calls after this.

1:28:06 Caller Loveline.

1:28:21 Adam Hey, yo, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Alex.

1:28:26 Caller What's going on, Adam?

1:28:27 Adam 20.

1:28:28 Yeah, I have a question for Dr. Drew.

1:28:30 Caller Yeah?

1:28:31 It's concerning, yeah, I heard about this product on Sports Radio. It's called TheraPen, and supposedly it makes your penis bigger.

1:28:41 Drew Oh, it must be true, then.

1:28:43 Caller You heard it on Sports Talk, it has to be true.

1:28:44 No, actually, the reason why I'm serious about it is because, you know, they claim that it's been FDA approved, and basically you do some exercises when your penis is not erect.

1:28:56 Drew We had this guy call, we had a guy call last night about this.

1:28:59 Adam Yeah. Look, here's the thing. If you wanna dangle a weight from the end of your dork, it will make it longer eventually.

1:29:08 Caller Well, actually, it's on a weight. I mean, it's exercises that you do without.

1:29:11 Adam Yeah, I know, it's called tugging off. Now, let's, don't bother with any of this nonsense. Unless it, just please, everybody.

1:29:20 Drew The guy last night had a larger penis that wouldn't get hard, if you recall. That was the call last night. So, it's not necessarily good for you.

1:29:27 Adam Yeah.

1:29:28 Drew Wouldn't get completely too messed up anyway.

1:29:30 Adam Speaking of blowhards, let's turn on some sports radio. There you should get the ultimate bullet hard. The guys that have to start every sentence with, I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm gonna tell you the truth and I'll be honest with you. Peyton Manning is in the top five of NFL quarterbacks playing in this league right now. That's right, I said it. I'm honest with you. I'm hoping phone lines. Oh, shut up. You ever tune into these guys?

1:29:56 Drew Yeah, I know.

1:29:57 Adam What are they talking about?

1:29:59 Drew I'm not one of the guys that can listen to sports talk very much.

1:30:04 Adam I always love it when, well, first off, I love it when the guys refer to the team as we. I love it when the fans are we. And then I love the guys who call in and want to rearrange the lineup when they go, yeah, we're feeling pretty good about our victory over Cleveland Monday night. I think if we took Isaac Bruce and moved him out into the flanker position and then started Warner, we could, we, you live at your mom's. House and play with yourself most of the day and then the rest of the day spend playing electronic battleship.

1:30:46 Caller As soon as they lose, though, they always say they.

1:30:48 Adam Yeah. Well, what happened with the Rams? What happened with your Rams?

1:30:52 Caller Well, they lost.

1:30:53 Adam They didn't execute. They didn't listen to what I said. And then they win. It's we again. And they just sit around talking about bizarre hypotheticals over and over and over again. And then the sports talk starts where the baseball season ended 10 minutes ago. They're always talking about. We may get Pedro Martinez during the off season over here. It's all this off season discussion they're having. The goddamn season's not going to start for three months. Really? Can anyone care about a season that has like 160-something games in it? Really? Pivotal game 28 out of the 168? 163 or 167 or whatever? Jesus Christ. Listen, everyone, just play the sports and watch some football on the Sundays. You don't have to call in the goddamn radio shows. Jason?

1:31:44 Yeah, this is Jason. Hey, how you guys doing?

1:31:46 Adam Hey, you're 20. What's up?

1:31:47 Caller All right, let me tell you the problem, and then I'll ask you my question. The problem is it takes me anywhere from, I'd say, 30 minutes to an hour to finish when I'm having sex.

1:31:58 Adam I'm going to be totally honest with you, Drew. I'm saying Jason's taking too long to come. There, I said it, OK? I'm going to be up front with our callers tonight. All right, thanks, Jason. Line one. It's not that one, too. They got to punch everyone out and go everywhere every 10 seconds, because they don't have anything to say. Joanne. Yeah, you're with the guys. Hey, let me be honest with you. Your teacher stares at you. I'm going to be honest with you. That's out of line. Thanks, Joanne. Let's hop the line. Yeah, let's go the hotline. Emily. Yeah, line three. You and your friend began boozing at age 14. I don't condone. Let me be honest with you. I'm going to be straight out front. I'm going to say this, Drew.

1:32:37 Caller I don't care what anyone says.

1:32:39 Adam Not appropriate for 14-year-olds to be alcoholics.

1:32:42 Caller There you go. You heard it.

1:32:43 Adam I said it. We're going to stand by it. I know I'm going to get flack for it. It's the other thing, too, this imaginary flack.

1:32:49 Caller Right.

1:32:50 Adam Yeah, because...

1:32:50 Caller Because it's so important.

1:32:51 Adam Yeah.

1:32:52 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:32:55 Adam You're starting Ricky Williams in your fantasy football league. You're going to get a lot of flack.

1:33:01 Caller What the hell are you?

1:33:04 Caller How old are you guys?

1:33:05 Adam You're adult males. Are you not? Jason?

1:33:11 Drew 45 minutes.

1:33:12 Caller Half hour to 60 minutes.

1:33:15 Drew Are you on medication?

1:33:16 Caller No, no, no. This isn't even... You know, this is just the beginning. The question is, am I doing anything that could hurt the woman, like, in the long run, or like...

1:33:24 Drew Yes, it's not going to... Yes, you can.

1:33:26 Adam You could blow a hole out of the back of her lower spine, or just keep going.

1:33:29 Drew Certainly, it can irritate the heck out of things, and, I guess, could predispose to. Well, certainly, you're an attraction, Faction. And, again, I need to ask some questions. Any medical problems?

1:33:38 Caller No, not at all.

1:33:39 Drew And how long does it take you when you're by yourself?

1:33:41 Caller Probably like 10 minutes, 15 minutes. I mean, when I'm by myself, I mean, I don't just start out of nowhere, you know, I'm already pretty excited, you know what I mean?

1:33:52 Drew When you're by yourself?

1:33:53 Caller Yeah, like, I'd be, you know, watching some porn or something and getting excited till then I'd crack one off.

1:33:58 Adam Yeah, but 15 minutes ain't cracking one off. That's dragging one out.

1:34:03 Caller Yeah, that'd be long, 15 minutes. I'd say somewhere around 10. Isn't that what I...

1:34:06 Drew Okay, well, you need to apply the Corolla method.

1:34:08 Caller What?

1:34:08 Drew The time-honored Corolla method of masturbation. Sex is good, but it's not the real thing. So bring around sex to the real thing.

1:34:16 Adam See if you can shave a few minutes off that masturbation.

1:34:20 Drew And then whatever technique you use...

1:34:22 Adam Yeah, get in that position.

1:34:23 Caller All right, we'll take a break. We'll be back.

1:34:25 Caller Alright guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

1:34:29 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:34:31 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:34:32 Caller Call the dateline.

1:34:33 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:34:41 Adam 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1.

1:34:49 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

1:34:58 Adam Well, that's it. Another fantabulous show.

1:35:01 Drew Mercifully.

1:35:02 Adam Mercifully, huh? All right. Thank God for Dr. Drew. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:13 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, May 30, 2004