Episode 1000617408706

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 I'm Adam.

1:07 Adam Phone number 1-800-LLV-E-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, Dixon medicine, blah, blah. Eating some almonds here, buddy.

1:17 Drew Yeah, for a birthday celebration for Adam Carolla.

1:21 Adam I got sent some smoked almonds today.

1:23 Drew No, fantastic.

1:25 Adam Laid all them almonds up. Nothing better than a smoked almond, yes, Drew?

1:31 Drew Yeah, pie.

1:33 Adam Mm, mm, I ate some pie today, too. Man, and listen, okay, wait for, okay, hold on, I wanna get angry. On my birthday, no, no, no. No, because here's the thing, Drew, it doesn't affect your game because you don't play. I gotta talk on this goddamn show.

1:50 Drew I'm gonna eat them then.

1:50 Adam Now, I gotta talk and watch you eat, rub it in my face, both get paid the same, how dare you? Chris, can you believe we both get paid the same? And outraged.

1:59 Drew Chris, how dare you? How dare you?

2:01 Adam Outraged.

2:01 Drew How long are you gonna stay in this room with that kind of attitude?

2:04 Adam All right, here's, we can't really fire him because he doesn't get paid.

2:10 Drew It's a typical radio strategy.

2:12 Adam Let me say a couple of things. Jenny McCarthy was supposed to come in here tonight. Jenny McCarthy went to the studio that was last inhabited by K-Rock, the mother station here, in 1989.

2:25 Drew Certainly last inhabited by Loveline.

2:28 Adam It's been a while.

2:28 Drew About 1994.

2:30 Adam Oh yeah. It's been 10 years. I've never done the show from that studio. So she went to Burbank and- Yeah, oh, I mean Rape Bank, yes, because all the chickenists, pedestrian violations, the citations they hand out over there. Yes, thank you, Drew. Thanks for correcting me. Of course. And let me explain. It's like when you change the name of Exposition Boulevard to Martin Luther King Boulevard, at the beginning, when you make the transition, you need a little correcting, exposition. Excuse me, it's Martin Luther King. And I appreciate it. If I ever refer to Burbank as anything but Rape Bank- I'd like you to pipe up and do that for me. Like I said, have you been to the Ikea over there in Burbank?

3:18 Drew Adam, Rape Bank.

3:19 Adam Rape Bank, that's right. Thank you, thank you very much. All right, so Jenny McCarthy not here, rescheduled, who cares? Now let's talk about pie for a second. I gotta say this, it's been a while, Drew. And you know my feelings about cake and all these crappy sheet cakes that they give. And it's not redundant to say crappy sheet cakes. The white lard frosting, that all you white trashers have on your birthday. When the ace man has a birthday, he serves up the pie and the kids go crazy. I was sitting over at Kimmel, they went down to the Apple Pan, great place. Banana cream pie, two banana creams from that. And by the way, you put these things up, it's like picking up a cinder block. I mean, it's like you lift this pie box, like a five gallon bucket filled with concrete. It's rich. Then you get the apple pie. Then you get the pecan pie. And here's the problem. And there's another tip that came up. You don't wanna eat too much pie, get five of the same pies. Cause you get the pecan, the apple and the banana cream, you gotta put your finger in all of them. I went sick. I thought it was gonna explode. Then we did the ribs. Dr. Hoggly Woggly.

4:36 Drew He went insane.

4:37 Adam Oh, the ribs. I believe they're trying to kill me. But excellent, excellent. And again, everybody, forget the cake. That's for the kids. The men enjoy pie just a thousand times better. There's everyone going nuts, attacking it. And as I've said, don't believe me and listen. And I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna hear the, oh yeah, well, have you ever tried the no flour, German, triple fudge? If we're in France and we're sitting at a sidewalk cafe, yeah, yeah, there's some good cake. You don't see it at a party. That's what I'm saying. Why does everyone come back with me? You know?

5:18 Drew They wanna argue about the ultimate cake versus the average pie.

5:21 Adam Versus the one that gets pushed in front of your puss at the birthday party. Which is a crappy one, which is what 99% of people serve. Yes, there are cakes out there that are enjoyable. I would never say that. It's just you can send somebody to the house of pies or the DuPars or the corn, even the supermarket, spend six bucks on an apple pie and come back with something that's pretty damn edible. As opposed to the cake version of that, which sucks. And it's the frosting and it's the plastic football players and the edible roses and all. And then the notion of all the candles with the blowing. And like I said, okay, seven years old, make a wish, fine. You got guys in their 30s and early 40s just blowing hepatitis C all over the goddamn thing. And then there's those purists, they're like, well, you're 37 years old, that's 37. Think of the strategy of having a guy spitting off. Oftentimes a guy, a little sloppy drunk by that point of the party.

6:24 Drew And probably the way IV drug exposure.

6:28 Adam He's like, I mean, oyster flying out of his chute and snot rockets on it. It's like, two of those candles went out with your mucus. Wasn't even the air. All right, then the candles, oh, they've melted all over the cake. Now there's more handling. Okay, the chick, the same chick that put the 55 candles in there by hand, touching, smearing and smudging, she's gotta then gather them all. And now there's various people reaching in, grabbing a candle, licking the front. How much handling can this piece of confection take before it goes into our mouths and kills all of us? That's all I'm saying. Pie, clean, dignified, no candles. And let me tell you something, with a pie, don't need any candles, you got your wish. You got your wish, you got pie. You understand?

7:13 Drew Yes, sir.

7:14 Adam And when you serve up pie, people line up to get it. That's where they come, they come with the plates.

7:21 Drew Messy with the serving stuff. It doesn't serve as well as the multi-hands coming in.

7:25 Adam Okay, touché. Okay, yes. Now, Drew, and listen, Drew makes a very valid point. And if I'm gonna speak about pie and travel and speak to young people, I'm gonna be hit with it.

7:37 Drew You'll have to bring this up.

7:38 Adam I'm gonna have to handle the tough question.

7:40 Drew Some obnoxious youth will bring this up, no doubt.

7:43 Adam This is a very, and Drew, it's a valid point. I would suggest that you take the pie out of the box first. Don't try to work it from inside the box. It's hard to do. It kicks it up an extra four or five inches on the edge.

7:55 Drew Don't you think really, if you were gonna do proper pie etiquette, somebody should be a pie server. And that person should work fast.

8:01 Adam Fast pie server, yes. Because people want the pie.

8:04 Drew That's why people make such a mess. Cause they're like, oh, I can be them by the end of the day. Excuse me, let me cut you. They're trying to cut the person out.

8:11 Adam Look, I think a pie knife, the broad kind, that also can cut it and serve it. I think everyone should wear one on their key chain. They should have it on their person.

8:22 Drew Here, look right here. Oh, Drew.

8:25 Adam Wow. Let's get your initials in it and everything. The point is, the pie, yes, a little messy, but worth the wait. Cake, what happens? Cake the hand out, pie you go get. Really think about that. Engineer Chris, really think about that concept. It's the difference between cake and pie. Cake, you got some pork rinds, here you go. Yeah, you got a hawk cake. Here's how the cake works. Poor chick, usually the fat one's got to walk around hand the stuff out. Here you go, here's some cake. And now the debate. Oh, I'm not having it. It come on. Yeah, I got a low carb thing going on. Well, I'll just set it down on the arm of the chair you're sitting on and okay. And then the same chick's got to come back. It's got one finger full of frosting out of it and a cigarette put out on it at the end of the night. Cake, half eaten, strewn about all over the party. When you clean up after a big party, a birthday party, you use cake, half eaten, half bite, one bite, finger full of frosting.

9:24 Drew Pie, strewn about, but strewn about the way a group of hyenas would leave a carcass strewn about.

9:28 Adam That's right, half eaten plates, blood, bloody stump, just see a hand clinging, clinging to a piece of pie on the floor. Yeah, I mean, it gets attacked, but pie, you don't hand out. People come get it. They line up, they're around that thing. What's going on? They're staying around, a little elbowing. You know, it was my birthday, dad, to throw an elbow.

9:47 Drew I saw it.

9:48 Adam Had to throw an elbow to get into that pie.

9:50 Drew Caught it, by the way.

9:51 Adam And people like pushing and shoving. Uh-uh, cake's like, here you go, take it, I'm cool. And there's one, here, pass it down, but you just keep passing it, so it comes all the way back to the first person because everyone passed on it.

10:03 Drew Pie does not pass.

10:03 Adam Pie does not pass. You try to pass the pie.

10:07 There's a fist fight.

10:09 Adam First guy you hand to sets it down, puts his face in it. Then the guy next to him is like, what the F? I don't know. There's no passing of the pie. Only the cake. And the cake makes a full circle and comes right back to where it started.

10:20 Well, there you go.

10:22 Adam All right, so everybody, please, please.

10:23 Drew Nice birthday discussion.

10:25 Adam The best present you could get me is to start serving pie at your parties. And there's nothing in it for me because obviously it's gonna drive up the price of pie, Drew, and then I'm gonna be buying it from the back alleys. I'm gonna be walking around, it's gonna be that shady gangbanger type guy and it overcoats, goes smoking an unfiltered cigarette. You looking for some pie? You looking for some mouth candy? Yeah, what do you got? Peaches in season, come over to the van. Next thing you know, it's like 75 bucks for something that costs four bucks just a few years back.

11:01 Drew Black market pie.

11:02 Adam Oh yeah, oh, Drew, I hope you're not kidding. Hey, buddy. Betty?

11:09 Hey, how old are you now?

11:11 Adam 40.

11:11 Happy birthday, buddy.

11:13 Adam Thanks, buddy.

11:14 Drew That's pretty funny, Adam. What's up, buddy?

11:19 Hello?

11:21 Drew Hi there.

11:25 My question is, the first time you lose your virginity, do you have to bleed?

11:30 Drew No, absolutely not.

11:35 Adam Why?

11:37 Me and my boyfriend did it like two months ago and I didn't bleed, and now he's doubting if I was a virgin to begin with.

11:43 Drew Were you a virgin?

11:44 Yes, I was.

11:45 Drew Okay, so see how possible it is?

11:47 Adam Yeah, but the retard boyfriend is questioning her.

11:52 Drew How old is this guy?

11:53 17.

11:54 Drew Fantastic.

11:55 Adam Was he a virgin?

11:58 Drew What an idiot he is.

11:59 Adam I know. I don't like this guy, Betty.

12:01 Drew Yeah, neither of us do. And by the way, You could tell when we talked to us and we said there's no, there's absolutely no reason women must bleed at Oh, okay.

12:12 Adam Yeah, you know, I always, I even wonder if it's worth dancing with those guys.

12:17 Drew No, it isn't, but I feel like it's a lost cause to talk Betty out of it.

12:21 Adam Yeah, because don't those kinds of guys just move on to other things? Oh, sure. Like, okay, you're a virgin, but you ever made out with a guy? No, I didn't. They just move on to whatever's next? Mm-hmm. And Betty, by the way. Uh-huh. What, you have a, is that a family name, Betty? Oh, Bertha. Is Betty short?

12:44 Drew They're like three generations back.

12:48 Adam Yeah.

12:48 Drew Betty eventually will be Brianna.

12:50 Adam Oh, yeah.

12:52 Drew It's Bertha, Betty. This is 1962.

12:54 Adam The kids, grandkids. Did you use protection? All right, it's all right. Are you into this guy? That sounds like you're that into the guy.

13:07 Drew The guy you lost your virginity to though at 15. That's pretty heavy.

13:12 Adam Why? Now look, you don't have to bleed. What percentage of the time do you bleed, do you think?

13:25 Drew I don't know.

13:25 Adam You have no idea.

13:26 Drew It's a majority, I would think, but not a big majority.

13:32 Adam And I don't know, to me, maybe the guy's just curious, but that's sort of a man at his worst, that did you bleed thing. That's sort of a Middle Eastern mentality. It's really sort of reptilian man.

13:45 Drew It's primitive man, absolutely.

13:46 Adam I mean, it's really-

13:47 Drew It's medieval man. Yeah, medieval man.

13:49 Adam Going back several hundred, maybe thousand years.

13:51 Drew It's the vizier coming in and checking the sheets. Yes, she has been de-virginized, yes.

13:57 Adam Yeah, you get the feeling that certain cultures are hanging around that time.

14:02 Drew Can't judge. How dare you?

14:03 Adam But we can't judge.

14:04 Drew How dare you?

14:04 Adam No, we cannot judge, because we're all the same. And everything's either good or everything's really bad. But there's no-

14:09 Drew No judging.

14:09 Adam No difference.

14:10 Drew No judging.

14:11 Adam No, I mean, if it says that you should mutilate women's genitalia by-

14:18 Drew Can't judge, how dare you? Who are you?

14:20 Adam I can't, I can't, I can't, because everyone's the same. Carly, but even, Drew, even if you mutilate the genitalia of the women, like some cultures do, or beat the women, or force them to wear sacks on their head, and that's not worse?

14:41 Drew You are not allowed to judge it.

14:42 Adam Oh, I can't say it's worse. I can't say.

14:44 Drew But if they bring the topic up and you go along with it, watch out.

14:48 Adam I see.

14:48 Drew You see what I'm saying?

14:49 Adam I can't say it's worse.

14:49 Drew You can't say it's bad.

14:50 Adam Right.

14:51 Drew But if you bring it up as something that is a viable option, those same people would just trash you. You see that?

14:59 Adam No. What are you saying?

15:00 Drew If you were to say to one of those types of people, hey, these cultures, they've sliced out the catorus of their women. That is just, that is awful.

15:10 Adam Right.

15:11 Drew How dare you? Who do you think you are? That is their culture. It's a beautiful thing. It's something they've done to adapt.

15:16 Adam I'm hip to that.

15:18 Drew Now fast forward a week, you come back and you go, geez, I was reading about something in the paper. I think it'd be a good thing for this country. How about we just sew up the vagina of women? That would take care of the problem with teen pregnancy.

15:27 Right.

15:27 Adam Oh, then it would be bad.

15:29 Drew Then, then you would be absolutely crucified.

15:32 I see.

15:33 Adam Well, all I know is we can't judge.

15:35 Drew Can't judge. Well, you've got that part right.

15:36 Right.

15:37 Adam Carly?

15:38 Yes.

15:39 Adam You're 16?

15:39 Caller Mm-hmm.

15:40 Adam What's happening?

15:42 I was wondering about abortion. Yeah.

15:45 Caller I mean, where exactly do they do when you go in there? Do they give you a pill and you have to follow up or what?

15:52 Drew Yes, you have to follow up. Yes, there's one way to do it with a pill and a shot and there's another way to do it with a vacuum abortion, another way to do it with they go in and sort of actually scrape it out. There's different ways to do it. The vacuum abortion is pretty.

16:06 Adam Yeah, popular. Yeah. Hey, Carly, how far along are you?

16:11 Well, I don't know.

16:12 Caller It was just sort of, I don't know yet because I'm just sort of scared at this point, you know?

16:18 Drew What's your situation? Let's figure out where you're at. When should you hide your period?

16:24 Caller Well, it hasn't come yet. I should have it in about a week.

16:29 Adam Oh, my finger was already moving.

16:31 Drew Let's finish it. And when was your last period?

16:37 It's regular. I guess it was-

16:39 Drew Three weeks ago.

16:40 Caller 28 days ago.

16:43 Drew And when did you have sex?

16:46 About four weeks ago.

16:48 Drew Before your last period?

16:51 Oh, no, no, no.

16:55 Caller It was about three.

16:56 Drew Were you menstruating at the time? Just after you stopped your period?

17:01 Caller Yeah.

17:03 Drew Okay, you'll have your period again soon.

17:07 Adam That's enough. Takes long enough to get through that part. Should be fine.

17:11 Drew Yeah, yeah.

17:12 Adam The cop partner was killed in front of him. Now has sex problems with wife. Wow, this is heavy. Josh?

17:20 Hello.

17:21 Adam You're 26?

17:23 Caller Yeah.

17:24 Adam You're a cop?

17:25 Caller Yes, I am.

17:26 Adam You're calling from Iowa.

17:28 Caller Yep.

17:28 Adam Let me ask you a couple of questions about police enforcement in Iowa. You guys hand out jaywalking tickets?

17:37 Caller I guess if you're kind of a tight cop, yeah, but most of us don't.

17:42 Drew Mm-hmm.

17:43 Adam Never fit in over in the rate bank, by the way.

17:46 Caller That's not exactly a well-enforced type law.

17:50 Drew Hmm. In Iowa. Mind you, in Los Angeles, it's exquisitely attended to.

17:55 Adam And how about the...

17:57 Caller Yeah. I guess it would depend on the habitualness of it.

18:00 Adam How about the chicken-ass moving violations? We got a lot of those out here.

18:04 Drew Don't start me.

18:06 Adam Drew's angry. You wouldn't do that, would you, Josh? You wouldn't hand one of those out.

18:11 Caller No, I wouldn't, I guess. Depends. Everybody has their days, I guess, in law enforcement, cops and offenders. What the...

18:19 Adam Yeah, except we don't get to write tickets. What the... So what happened? Your partner was killed in front of you?

18:28 Caller Earlier this last year, while on duty, one of my... Actually, one of my partners in the forest who was a very good friend of mine was shot and killed on the line of duty as I worked and actually died at my feet. What's that?

18:45 Drew What was happening?

18:46 Caller He was responding... To get into the details would kind of divulge, I guess, a whole lot, but basically he was responding to a known, I guess, kind of an argument in progress where it went downhill really quick.

19:03 Adam Like a domestic dispute?

19:05 Caller Yep, something like that, yep. And as a result of it, he was shot and killed. I actually am on a SWAT team and am our medic. And as a result of it, obviously he was brought to me. I find it very cathartic to talk about it as far as getting on with it and getting over it and getting through it.

19:33 Adam How long was the guy your partner?

19:35 Caller For almost two years.

19:38 Adam Wow, was he your first partner?

19:41 Caller So there was a good amount of time there to build a good bond and a working relationship.

19:45 Adam Was he older than you?

19:47 Caller Yeah.

19:48 Adam So is that how they do it? They take the rookies and they hook them up with the guys that have some experience?

19:55 Caller Yeah, no, it kind of depends on the way in which you come in as far as who they set you up with, your, I guess, mindset and your ability to do the job and everything like that.

20:07 Adam All right, so this guy got shot. He died in your arms. And that was, is it about six months ago?

20:15 Caller It was a while ago, yeah.

20:18 Adam And so now you're having problems with your wife?

20:23 Caller Well, my wife has been very supportive throughout this entire ordeal as far as, you know, from the night that it happened, you know, giving me permission basically to be a cop for the rest of my life, even though that she found it very hard and that I found it very hard obviously to go to work the next day.

20:39 Drew She has been very supportive or she has not been? Has been.

20:42 Caller Okay. She has been extremely supportive.

20:45 Drew Okay.

20:45 Caller It hasn't been a day that she hasn't wanted me to do what I want to do. Even though that, you know, we both understand that someday, you know, it could end bad or, you know, more than likely, you know, 99% of the time it won't. My issue is I can, I talk with my wife about, you know, how I feel. Like I said, I find it very cathartic to talk about it. I talk with, you know, my coworkers who were there and weren't there. I've since left where I was working. The importance of family kind of came into effect and I've now moved closer back home. And I'm working with different coworkers now who, you know, don't understand what it is that I went through. So I guess my wife is taking more of the burden as far as my feelings, my thoughts, and just my overall well-being.

21:31 Drew Why aren't you taking advantage of some of the therapeutic options that the force gives you?

21:35 Caller I have, as far as, see, you have to remember, too, now I've left the department in which I was working for and a lot of that goes, you know, bye-bye when you leave. As far as critical influence, stress debriefing, you know, I've been a member of that. I've been on the other end. I've got training, I guess, all over the board and as far as how you're supposed to deal with it. Right, well, okay. Of course.

22:01 Adam So now, what's the specific problem we can help you with?

22:06 Caller You know, I guess I don't know. As far as what I'm having troubles is, my wife understands what I'm going through, but at the same time, we're both, I guess, extremely, you know, we've been pushed out in the limelight and we know what could happen and as a result of it, you know, we talk a lot about this, but we're not able to be as intimate as what we used to or once were and I find myself kind of sometimes drawing back, kind of trying to not create, you know.

22:32 Drew Are you using alcohol or anything like that to try to deal with this?

22:36 Caller Not at all, not at all.

22:38 Adam All right, putting them on hold because we got to take a break. We can spit our answer out and then go to break. All right, let's say, hold on. Maybe we're thinking the same thing, which is not that much, which is, I mean, he's been through a very traumatic experience. This is gonna shake you up. It's been about six months. It's getting close to that time where you try to move on. Although when you remain in that line of work, how far and how fast can you move on from something like this?

23:14 Drew Here's the deal. When you get locked into these sorts of traumas, it's a post-traumatic stress disorder. And what has fairly clearly been shown is that people that get locked in like that have something going on coming in. Then you may not have known it, it may not have been serious, but there's some psychological problems there already. And this really caused it all to sort of emerge or unravel, whatever, however you want to look at it. And you're locked. I mean, I can hear it. You're just, you're not willing, you can't move on, you don't know how to. And instead of reaching out and connecting with other people, which is really what's required to get over this process, you're pushing away and you're sort of locked in this dance of pushing away and pushing away and pushing away and reaching out and pushing away rather than actually attuning and connecting. I don't see any alternative but intensive individual therapy for this. There is EMDR and other things, other sort of managements that are available to you, but it's not your wife. That is going to ruin your relationship with your wife. You keep dumping this on her.

24:08 Adam Right, you gotta get there. And listen, if you're a cop, that should be part of your ritual too. I mean, if you think about it, if you're a cop, if you're a fireman, you gotta stay in good physical shape.

24:20 And good emotional health.

24:22 Adam And you should, part of that job requirement should be hitting the shrink once a week.

24:26 Drew It should be enough to you to, you knew what you needed to do, you've done what you're supposed to, and you're still locked in. That says you need more.

24:32 Adam Okay, we're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Drew, I got a big thing of assorted almonds over here, and Drew's eating them all. Drew is a man of exquisite passion who takes that passion and injects it into everything he does.

25:09 Drew I beg your pardon.

25:10 Adam Every orifice he comes across, he injects his passion into. If there's an opening, he will fill it with his passion, and he doesn't care which opening. All he needs is a crack of daylight, and he will stuff his passion into it.

25:28 Drew Is it daylight, actually, I'm looking for?

25:31 Actually, just pink.

25:33 Adam All he needs is... I'm speaking metaphorically, Drew. He just needs an opening, and he will fill it with passion. And it can be his mouth, it can be someone else's mouth. It doesn't matter. The passion's going in. He has the passion for my food, he has the passion for his food. He's a passionate man.

25:57 Drew Food is good.

25:58 Adam Food is good, and he eats with the kind of verb that only a man of great passion...

26:04 Drew I prefer to call it gusto.

26:05 Adam Gusto, that only a man of exquisite passion could eat with. Yes, Drew?

26:09 Drew Yes.

26:11 Adam Katie?

26:12 Caller Yes.

26:13 Adam You're 24?

26:14 Caller I'm pretty good in my call.

26:15 Drew All right.

26:16 Adam What's up?

26:17 Caller Well, I think I'm a pretty normal person. I think I act fine in social situations, but I've never had a long-term relationship and I've never had sex with anyone. I've only had hookups, one-night things.

26:34 Adam You're a virgin, huh?

26:36 Caller Mm-hmm.

26:37 Adam Yes. 24.

26:38 Caller Happy birthday, by the way.

26:40 Adam Thanks, kitten. 24-year-old virgin.

26:43 Mm-hmm.

26:45 Caller I don't think it's that rare nowadays, either.

26:47 Adam Oh, yeah, it is.

26:49 Drew Okay, fine. But it's becoming popular. It's becoming the thing to do, which is good.

26:52 Adam It's not really frowned on.

26:54 It's not by choice, for me at least.

26:56 Adam Hold on a second.

26:58 Drew No, that's the thing about women. It's like, there's no drive. So the reason it wasn't her choice is because the opportunity never presented itself. So it's not she's out looking for the opportunity, but the opportunity never came to her. Therefore, it's not her choice. That's how a woman's brain works.

27:13 Adam She went from 155 to 185 when the Not My Choice line dropped. Katie, a big gal?

27:21 Caller No. No?

27:23 Adam No? Where do you go? How tall are you?

27:30 Caller 5'4.

27:31 Adam 5'4.

27:32 Caller Is that big?

27:33 Adam No. That's fine. I could do the radio math, but I'm going to spare you that.

27:38 Caller That's true. I weighed myself this morning.

27:42 Adam Let's see. Virgin, 24. And do you work?

27:49 Caller Yeah. And I don't have any close... I mean, I've got like a couple close friends, but I just don't think... I wonder if there's something wrong with me socially, that I can't create these long-term relationships, even with girls as friends.

28:04 Adam There's some...

28:04 Drew It's suspicious.

28:06 Adam It is. There's some people that just are sort of socially maldeveloped or something. I mean, it doesn't mean they have any serious problem, and a lot of it is just not having enough victory socially, whether it's with members of the opposite sex or just girlfriends earlier in life, junior high and that kind of stuff, and then you just get off to a bad start and never really corrects itself.

28:29 Drew That's how the parents aren't really super social or encouraging that kind of thing.

28:33 Adam Yeah, some of it is to parents, like Drew wasn't allowed to have friends.

28:37 Caller Well, this is one of my theories about it. When I was about 10 years old, I found a sack of Playboy under my dad's bed, and it really, really upset me. And I cried for days, and I didn't want to talk to him for a really long time.

28:50 Drew Was it Playboy, or was it hardcore pornography?

28:52 Adam It was Playboy. Oh, Penhouse. I had the same reaction when I didn't find any goddamn pornography under my dad's bed. Cried for days, Drew.

29:01 Drew No.

29:01 Adam Inconsolable.

29:02 Drew Katie, actually, that reaction suggests something was already going on with you.

29:06 Adam Okay. Something's going on.

29:08 Drew That wasn't what did it. The fact that you reacted that way speaks volumes about what was already going on.

29:15 Adam Something's up. Oh, my God. What you, oh, you, what you kids with your Internet today. You don't know from pain. You don't know from scrotal pain. 15. Oh, man, I used to go babysit Reeve and Ronnie, my Israeli neighbor's friend. Just go over there, tear that house apart. And I knew that I had two playboys underneath that dad had one.

29:36 Drew What'd you found?

29:37 Izzy.

29:38 Drew Izzy the dad.

29:39 Harry man.

29:41 Drew Shocking.

29:42 Adam Izzy had himself a couple of playboys, like from the 70s.

29:45 Drew And by the way, it was the 70s at the time, by the way.

29:48 Adam Now it was, yeah, could have been 80. But yeah, could have been 79, 80. Point is, back then, guys just had a playboy. And it's like, yeah, this one's 70 years old. That's still good. I mean, still beat off to it. There's no turnover. You know, like nowadays, that guy looks up a little porn on the Internet. The next day looks at something else. Right. It's like somebody had a playboy and that was what you had. It was like a it was like a baseball net. You didn't go get a new one every weekend. It was like that. There's your mitt. There's your playboy.

30:23 Drew The Ark of the Covenant. Oh, I mean, yeah, I mean, put a cement lid on it and bury it in the backyard.

30:30 Adam Well, it is. Well, it is. Yeah. You don't want anything to happen to it.

30:34 Drew And you don't want anybody to find it. You don't want to share it with anybody. It was your folks to find it.

30:37 Adam Well, yeah, you had to hide it for me. I didn't have one. But my name, the guy's babysat had one. I knew where they were. I didn't know what to do with it. I wasn't beaten off. I'm just stare at staring at it and I just just mashing it into my face.

30:52 Drew You know, it's looking busy like like somebody taking a magnifying glass and shine the sun's light right now.

30:58 It's just melting, just staring and staring.

31:01 Adam And then once in a while, they venture out with a with a finger.

31:05 You know, it's just sort of primate, some sort of just staring. Yeah, sort of.

31:11 Adam You know, your fan, you know, like your fantasies would be like, wouldn't it be great if she could appear in this room and then fall asleep and I could touch her boobies? No, it's like that. That's I'm sure kids. I'm sure like 13 or 14 year olds are well past that now with the Internet. Yes, true.

31:32 Drew Yes.

31:33 Adam But you know what I'm talking about?

31:34 Drew Yes.

31:35 Adam Just staring at it. I wonder if kids' imaginations are going to be effed up.

31:40 Drew I've actually wondered that.

31:41 Adam I don't mean imaginations, but creativity in general. I mean, I mean, the idea that there's a constant bombardment of entertainment, just the video games or the computers and everything's just streaming in at a million miles an hour into the brain.

31:57 Drew Here's what's interesting is that those brains will be entering a realm which all the other brains have been similarly affected. So they will react to a different kind of creativity.

32:07 Adam That's a good point. Nate? You're 27?

32:11 Caller I am, sir.

32:12 Adam What's up?

32:13 Caller All right. This might sound kind of funny, but to start off, just let you know what most people would call a chubby chaser when it comes to video.

32:23 Adam Smart. And it's a great strategy.

32:27 Caller Oh, it is. It is, people don't realize the advantages to being that way.

32:32 Adam Oh my God.

32:33 Drew No, it's you.

32:34 Adam I think they do.

32:35 Drew I think they would.

32:35 Adam No, I mean, you can go out and go into a bar and find yourself a husky chick and take her home for the most part.

32:43 Caller Exactly. Well, that's exactly how I find mine because I'm a bartender. Like I help out the main bartender.

32:51 Adam Bar back.

32:52 Caller Yeah, exactly.

32:53 Adam Yeah. Are you a big guy?

32:54 Caller About 6'2, 200. So you're not overly big, but you know, radio math, right? What I would want to do.

33:03 Drew Radio math on him.

33:04 Adam No, you don't do that. Guys don't lie about their weight. Guys lie about their weight when they start getting close to 300 and under. Guys that are 6'2, we're 6'2, and 200, you don't have to lie about that part. If you do, you shave off four, you round up or you round, he's 204, so he goes down to two, they don't even know a guy that's weighing himself.

33:24 Caller How about 203 and a quarter, maybe? Anyways, what I was wondering, though, how dare you. This last Friday night when I got off work, there was a couple of husky chicks that stayed for after hours.

33:39 Adam Sure, they went to get a chump on the buffet. It opens at four the next day.

33:43 Caller What happened was after everything was, the night was coming to an end and everything, we ended up all three going home together and we had a little three-way with me and the two of them. And after like the next morning, my back was really, really hurting me and for the most part of the night before, I was mainly kind of on bottom and everything. You were what?

34:03 Adam He was on the bottom.

34:04 Caller Yeah, like during the sexual acts, I was mainly on the bottom.

34:08 Adam Yeah, let me just, because I want to picture this in my mind.

34:12 Drew No, no, please don't.

34:13 Adam You were on the bottom. One of them was on top having intercourse.

34:17 Caller Yeah.

34:17 Adam And where was the other one?

34:19 Caller She was, they both kind of switched back and forth and the other would kind of play with the other one while she was doing her thing.

34:25 Adam Okay, so there's nothing around the face area.

34:28 Caller Oh, I don't even know if I could handle that part of it. I don't know if I'm that brave.

34:33 Adam No, that's tough, yeah.

34:35 Caller But like I said, my back was really killing me the next morning and it still really does bugging me still. And what I was wondering is I'm on Depakote for epilepsy.

34:46 Drew For epilepsy or for bipolar?

34:48 Caller Just epilepsy.

34:50 Adam Really? Depakote for epilepsy?

34:52 Drew Originally, it was.

34:52 Caller Oh, really? I've been on Depakote since I was diagnosed with epilepsy about age 13.

34:59 Drew I'd say it's primary seizure disorders, absolved seizures, that kind of thing.

35:04 Adam What's your doctor say about making it with the tons of funds in the threesome? You know what I mean? You got six, seven hundred pound worth of women, worth a woman on that bed. Drew is his physician. You know what I'm saying?

35:20 Drew You have to speak up a little bit about safety issues.

35:24 Caller About what? The weight issues?

35:26 Drew Safety issues.

35:29 Caller I take a lot of heat from all my buddies at work and everything. As soon as one of them walks in the front door, they're like, hey, there's some new meat for you.

35:37 Drew Did you wear a condom?

35:39 Caller Oh, yeah.

35:41 Adam By the way, getting the word out that you're the man to see for the big gals is not going to slow down business at all.

35:49 Drew It's a good strategy. All the way around.

35:51 Yeah.

35:55 Caller I can't even think straight.

35:56 Adam Now, what about marrying a big gal?

36:00 Caller I wouldn't mind, you know, when it comes to something like that. I haven't even really thought about something like that.

36:05 Adam I'm going to try to get my kid into fat checks. If I have a son, I'm going to try to train him. Son, this would be a real good thing.

36:16 Drew Why don't you ask what Ed's training was?

36:19 Adam I just, I don't know. I'm guessing his dad's blood. Wait a minute, is this a different Ed?

36:26 Drew Yeah, it's a different one.

36:28 Adam Oh, you just said Ed. Nate? What's your training with the chubby chicks?

36:35 Caller What do you mean training?

36:36 Adam Well, I mean, what happened? Did anything happen to you as a young person?

36:40 Drew Nothing happened.

36:42 Adam No, I just...

36:43 Caller Well, like I was about to say is I've kind of like thought about it really hard before. Like, you know, is there something about them or something that turns me on or something? And I think when I think about it, it's more... I think I like them more for their personality more than... Like, I obviously like, you know, the petite...

36:59 Drew Oh, Nate's gay.

37:01 Adam Big gals do have better personalities.

37:04 Caller Yeah, well, that's how I figured is that, you know, if they look as big as they do, and most guys wouldn't even give them the time of day when it comes to stuff, you know, I kind of step in and take my turn and realize...

37:20 Drew That's not how a guy's brain works.

37:23 Adam No, you're like a fat ass, or you're like an areola man, and the big gals have the big coaster size areolas. That's how a guy thinks.

37:32 Drew Yeah, ask him, that's weird that he's...

37:35 Adam I don't know, do you want to talk?

37:37 Drew Yeah, that's curious.

37:39 Adam Really, that's it? Just the personality?

37:42 Caller Well, obviously, when it comes to the sexual part of it, that part turns me on too, but...

37:47 Adam You're a big areola man?

37:50 Caller Well, not really.

37:52 Adam Okay, now we got nothing to talk about. Because here's the only thing, let me explain, Drew. There's one good part of a husky chick, that's that areola. That's that big coaster-sized areola.

38:04 Drew I see.

38:05 Adam You see what I'm saying? I'm listening. That's the one good thing that comes with the package. That and, I mean, you know, the attitude, good layback attitude, but physically that big nipple areola.

38:20 Drew It is kind of a fetish, right? Because it's a physical feature that he needs to function sexually.

38:27 Adam Mm-hmm.

38:27 Drew Whatever. It's, you know, something about mom.

38:30 Mm-hmm.

38:32 Adam Have a good time. Let's take ourselves a break here, Drew.

38:34 Drew Yeah.

38:34 Adam We'll be right back after this.

38:36 Loveline.

38:39 Adam You know, Drew, smelling good is more than a smell. It's an attitude.

38:44 Drew That's true, Adam.

38:45 Adam It is? How? Break down.

38:49 Axe deodorant body spray.

38:51 Drew Can't lose.

38:58 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Just heard phone screener Brian telling someone never to call again. That's a good thing. I like that. That's hoots, my son. All right, phone number. I give that 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. over there, Adam Carolla over here. And it's time to go back to the phones. We'll speak to Elizabeth.

39:25 Caller Hello?

39:25 Adam 22? 22? What's up?

39:33 Caller When I'm about to orgasm, I feel like I can't breathe, like I'm suffocating.

39:41 Adam Drew?

39:41 Drew Yeah.

39:42 Adam I think maybe Chief Thunder Bear.

39:47 He's very good with this sort of thing.

39:50 Adam He's a pulmonary specialist.

39:52 Drew Well, he's a gynecologist.

39:55 Adam Gynecologist, he's a psychologist.

39:57 Drew Ear, nose, and throat experience too.

39:58 Adam He does do ear, nose, and throat.

40:00 Drew He's a shaman, he's a man of great wisdom.

40:04 Adam Yeah, well, he has some specialties too. And I think the ear, nose, and throat may come in here also as a sleep specialist as well.

40:12 Drew Oh, good, good, good. I didn't know about that training, but it's excellent. He's an amazing gentleman, amazing.

40:16 Adam Yeah, so I'm gonna bring-

40:18 Drew His command of language is fabulous.

40:20 Adam I'm gonna bring him in, I'm gonna need you, because you speak Iroquois, right?

40:24 Drew Didn't know his name was Choctaw?

40:27 Adam Choctaw, yeah. Well, Drew speaks a few of the Native American languages and he's gonna go ahead and translate for Chief Thunder Bear, ear, nose, and throat doctor.

40:38 Drew Gynecologist.

40:39 Adam And gynecologist. Psychologist.

40:41 Drew Shaman.

40:42 Adam And shaman, or shaman. All right, Elizabeth? All right, so go ahead and ask your question.

40:48 Drew Get him in here. Chief, come on, have a seat here, Chief. It's okay. Shhh, it's okay, it's all right. Thank you very much for joining us this evening.

41:01 Adam We have Elizabeth. Chris.

41:05 Drew Chris, Chris, he's still mad at you from last night. He wants more coffee. Come on, this time, please, Chris, don't embarrass us. Not tonight, okay? Okay, and Jeff, Chris, please.

41:17 Adam Chief, chief. Live at home many years. Jack, Jack, Jack. Many moon. Ah, Jack, Jack. Don't make one of them. Ah, yeah, hey.

41:27 Drew He wants to fire, but he can't fire you because they're not paying you enough. Okay, Elizabeth, go ahead and ask your question.

41:33 Caller When I'm about to orgasm, I feel like I can't get enough oxygen. Like I'm suffocating.

41:55 Drew The chief says, Elizabeth, that you should continue breathing right on through the orgasm, that there's no reason you should have to stop breathing. What prevents you from breathing?

42:11 Caller I don't know. I feel like I can't get enough oxygen.

42:16 Drew Are you hyperventilating? Why?

42:21 Caller I don't know.

42:22 Drew Easy, chief, easy, easy. More coffee. Chris, Chris, Chris, go. Come on, Chris, come on. Look, this guy carries on every night. This guy's graced us with his presence. He's been good enough to come in here with his wide-ranging expertise. Yes, yes. Please don't embarrass us like this, okay? Don't worry. I know. I know. I know. I know. He'll get coffee. He wants, he wants rum and the coffee, too.

42:52 Adam Yeah, I know.

42:54 Drew Yeah, fire water. Yes, yes, yes, fire water. Fire water. Yes, I understand.

43:07 Adam Elizabeth, he's saying a prayer for you.

43:11 Drew Okay, he's also, he's gathering the spirits of the, it's sort of like a Dao spirit that he breathes in and connects with to try to answer your question. Okay, he's ready now. Yeah. So, you're... You have one boyfriend.

43:31 Caller Yes.

43:32 Drew And how long have you been having sex with him?

43:35 Caller Just like a month or so.

43:39 Adam Are you nervous?

43:41 Drew Are you nervous?

43:43 Caller No, I'm not. I've had other long-term relationships and it always happens. And I can't, like, I get so worn out that I can't, like, I want them to stop because I feel like I can't get enough oxygen and I get, like, dehydrated.

44:06 Drew He understands that. Chief understands about the oxygen. Are you having sex or is it during oral sex?

44:12 Caller It's during oral sex.

44:20 Drew No, no, he's confusing, I understand, he's confusing you giving oral sex with you receiving oral sex and he wants to be sure that it's not that you can't breathe because you have something, yeah, you got something occluding your airway. Just receiving. Yeah, who doesn't have shortness of breath when they receive it?

44:47 Adam No, listen.

44:49 Drew He's confused, the chief is confused. He's basically saying who doesn't get a little short of breath when you're, especially early on when you're in your sexual relationship, when you're not sort of used to being sexualized, you can get nervous and get uptight and you got to learn to literally breathe. And breathe and attune to the spirits of the world, the circle of life.

45:12 Adam Where's the coffee, Chris?

45:18 Drew And the fire water. He wants a bottle of fire. Yeah. Yeah. Brandy. Brandy. Well, chief, thank you very much. I think you've helped Elizabeth. I may have to talk to you a little bit more off the earth. Elizabeth, hang on, please. Would you like to take another call?

45:39 Adam I'm back.

45:41 Drew Oh, whoa, Adam. Where did the chief go?

45:43 Adam Chief just says, well, first off, chief, you know, you just hear the wind chimes and the dream chase are blowing, dream catcher blowing around and he's gone.

45:53 Drew I see. He sees a spirit himself.

45:55 Adam Oh, as much like a spirit, as elusive as a spirit. Who are we going to talk to? How'd that go? How was the chief?

46:02 Drew Uh, he was good. Didn't help Elizabeth very much, but he was good. I'm going to talk to her off the air.

46:06 Adam Hurt commercial.

46:08 Drew No, we're going to break.

46:10 Adam To do a report on class, hold on a second, Sasha? You're doing a report in class?

46:18 Caller It's a block. The question is, what is love?

46:22 Adam All right, baby, hold on. We're going to tell you what it is.

46:26 Drew Or the chief might, if not Adam and I.

46:29 Adam When we come back after this. Here it is, bottom line, it sucks being single today.

46:35 Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline, call the Dateline, call the Dateline.

46:40 1-877-889-DATE.

46:46 So get your problems ready, ready, ready. This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

46:53 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

47:07 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. All right, let's speak to Sasha, who's 14. Sounds a little depressed.

47:23 Drew Well, she has to write a paper. Yeah, she wrote a paper tonight, and she's waiting for us to get to her. Yeesh.

47:29 Caller Well, it's not really a paper, it's an oral report, and the question is, what is love?

47:34 Adam What do you have to do with those oral reports? Do you get to bring up like three by five cards?

47:39 Caller Well, no, we just have to report to the class what we found out about the topic.

47:45 Drew Have you checked it out on the web?

47:47 Caller Yeah, I tried, but it's like not applicable to the topic that we're doing right now.

47:52 Drew That's a very complex question.

47:53 Adam I know you have to report to the class, but do you get to bring up three by five cards?

47:59 Caller No.

48:00 Adam No cheat sheet, no nothing?

48:01 Caller Well, we can bring like research, but we have to just talk to the class about it.

48:06 Drew Extemporaneously, without notes, without written material.

48:11 Adam No, I know you got to, yeah, all right, anyway. I don't know why, but I don't know why by talking to people.

48:16 Drew So what have you discovered so far?

48:18 Caller Well, just the general dictionary definition of love, but not like applicable to reading.

48:24 Drew Sasha, this is actually-

48:25 Adam Why isn't it applicable?

48:26 Drew There's a book called A General Theory of Love that's about 200 pages that goes through a systematic discussion of what the brain mechanisms are, possibly, probably, related to this phenomenon, a general theory of love. And there are-

48:42 Adam Mm-hmm.

48:44 Drew Yes, it's a terribly- Listen, first of all, all the world's literature is packed with discussions about, at least the sort of romantic literature, about what this thing is, an exploration, the philosophical explorations. The reality is now they're zeroing in on certain brain mechanisms.

48:58 Adam Really?

48:58 Drew And there are functional MRI scans, there's differences in terms of how men and women experience these things, experiences at different phases of life, different, the different kinds of relationships, different depending on your history of your close relationships and whether you've been traumatized. So it's a terribly, terribly complex topic. But I would think the web would be a source for this, at least for the MRI, sort of, you know, look up the cingulate gyrus in the brain. That's one of the areas where these, what's it called? The cingulate gyrus and the orbital frontal system.

49:27 Adam I don't think I got either one of those.

49:27 Drew These are where these sort of attachment phenomenon occur. And attachment is thought to be a critical issue in the love experience. Yeah, it's actually very, it can be very boring if you really break it down to what the brain is.

49:37 Adam Oh, no, it already is boring. Hey, uh, Sasha. Yeah, Sasha, I bet she's cute, because she's already becoming a pain in the ass.

49:48 Drew Well, here's the deal. Did you look on the web? No, not applicable. What have you got so far? Well, open the dictionary.

49:54 Adam Hey, Sasha. I don't like your attitude.

49:58 Drew Why?

49:58 Adam It just bothers me. I don't think I'm going to answer this question. All right.

50:05 Drew How dare you? Maybe the chief would answer it.

50:08 Adam No, she's just naughty. Everything was sort of like, you get, she was one of these, there's these people out there. You get halfway into your thing, and they start shutting it down. Like, you know, you start going, well, are you, and they just start, they have two modes. Either they misunderstand, or they just sort of don't listen, or they just sort of dismiss all the time. Yeah. And all your ideas are stupid.

50:35 Drew Yeah.

50:36 Adam Well, have you tried, have you tried that? Well, did you, they don't have anything.

50:40 Drew Not applicable.

50:41 Adam Yeah. Well, good luck. But here's the thing. Sasha called the show looking for answers about love. Instead, I think she learned very important answers about attitude. Ah. That's what she needed. All right. And we don't have a good answer anyway.

50:58 Drew I gave her several references.

50:59 Adam Yeah, but I don't know what she's supposed to do with that.

51:04 Drew What are we supposed to do with the question?

51:05 Adam What is she supposed to do in front of her class?

51:09 Drew She's got to go to the web and actually do some research. Actually do it. And start with the general theory of love. Maybe there's a synopsis of the book online.

51:17 Caller Wait, hold on a second.

51:18 I'm going to ask a question.

51:20 Adam Sasha, are you still there?

51:21 Caller Yeah.

51:22 Adam What's your family situation like?

51:25 Caller Just a regular family.

51:28 Adam Everything cool?

51:29 Caller Yeah.

51:30 Adam Dad's home, he loves you?

51:32 Caller Mm-hmm.

51:34 Adam And mom's good too?

51:36 Caller Yeah.

51:37 Adam What's your dad do for a living?

51:39 Caller He's a computer program person for Microsoft.

51:43 Adam Aha! And your mom, what's she do?

51:47 Caller Oh, she's a computer person too, but she doesn't work.

51:50 Adam Nice.

51:50 Caller Well, she can't really work. We're illegal. Well, it's illegal for her to work.

51:55 Drew Why?

51:56 Caller Well, we're from Russia, so we just moved here like three years ago, so she doesn't have a right visa to have a right to work.

52:03 Adam How was Russia?

52:05 Caller What?

52:06 Adam How was Russia?

52:07 Caller It was cold. It was cold. It was good.

52:10 Caller It's good?

52:11 Adam Russia's good?

52:12 Caller Yeah.

52:13 Adam Why'd you move?

52:14 Caller Because my dad got a job here and it was better than the job there.

52:18 Drew Are you upset that you had to leave?

52:20 Caller Well, I guess. I guess, but it was like three years ago, so I don't really remember much.

52:26 Drew But you were 11 then. Most of your childhood was there. You should remember a ton.

52:30 Caller Well, I remember a lot of stuff, but not really enough to have a very big emotional attachment to it.

52:38 Drew Wait, wait, whoa, whoa. You couldn't have a bigger emotional attachment. Those are when emotional attachments are very terribly intense.

52:46 Adam At 11.

52:47 Drew 11 and under, of course. Those are the most powerful imprints on your brain during those years.

52:54 Caller Well, I was like a lonely kid when I was in Russia, but when I moved here, I got lots of friends.

53:01 Adam Well, why do you like Russia better, though?

53:04 Caller Well, because that's just like my homeland, just like it better than the one you have now, I guess.

53:11 Adam I know, but you didn't have any friends over there, and your dad had a crappy job.

53:14 Caller Well, not crappy, and not, like, no friends at all. I had friends, but I have more friends here because people are friendlier.

53:25 Adam Are they? And by the way, she doesn't really have any accent. Shouldn't you have some accent?

53:31 Drew If you picked up English three years ago.

53:32 Caller Well, I was learning English since I was looking first grade in Russia.

53:36 Adam That's smart.

53:37 Caller And here it just got more fluent.

53:39 Adam I see. And you think people are friendlier here than they are in Russia?

53:45 Caller Well, it's like you walk down the street and people are smiling at you. I don't see a reason for people to smile. And in Russia, people don't smile at you randomly.

53:54 Drew What part of Russia were you living in?

53:56 Caller What?

53:57 Drew What part of Russia were you living in?

53:59 Caller It's like right in the middle where Europe and Asia meet. It's like the city is called Yekaterinburg.

54:06 Adam Oh, now Drew's been there. He went there on a sex story he was telling me about during the prank. Hold on a second, Sasha. Sasha's smart, but she's angry. That's what I think I sensed the first time around.

54:25 Drew But it's almost like something out of a Woody Allen film or something. She's some sort of character out of it. People should not smile. What's the smile for? Why are you smiling?

54:35 Adam She's going to vent a ray that stops people from smiling. Alright, let's see. Sasha? You sound angry.

54:45 Caller No, I don't. I'm just tired. I have to wake up at 5.30 to get to work.

54:49 Adam And there's not many 14-year-olds that talk about, you know, why people are smiling and how they don't smile.

54:55 Caller Well, it's just scary when you're walking down the street and people just look, randomly smile at you. It's not something you'd expect, usually.

55:02 Adam Well, I mean, you've been here for long enough to probably get used to it, right?

55:06 Caller Well, I guess, but it's still fun. Well, I went back during the summer and I kind of got reacquainted with everything.

55:15 Adam So if you had it your way, would you be living in Russia?

55:18 Caller Actually, I would be living in Amsterdam.

55:21 Adam Really?

55:24 Drew Have you ever been there?

55:27 Caller Like, if we had to.

55:29 Drew Have you ever been there?

55:31 Caller What?

55:32 Where's the phone cut off?

55:36 Adam All right, listen, let me give you some sage advice and forget about this. By the way, in this country, I'm looked at as a deity. I'm a bit of a god. So maybe you hadn't heard of me in Russia, but I'm huge over here stateside.

55:50 Drew Adam Nostrovya.

55:51 Adam That's right.

55:52 Caller I've listened to this radio station for two years now.

55:56 Adam So you know.

55:57 Caller Yeah.

55:58 Adam So listen, here's the thing, Sasha. You're super smart. I bet you're cute. You got a lot going for you. But sometimes being smart doesn't mean being happy. As a matter of fact, smart is not the friend of happiness oftentimes. It turns on happy and beats the crap out of it. Because smart looks at happy and says, do you think you're happy? Where'd you get that haircut? And look at you. You're 10 pounds overweight. And you know, you got some friends, but you don't got that many. And they ain't that smart. And they ain't that happy. And actually, you know, happy don't feel too good about himself. That's what smart does to happy. You know, let me tell you.

56:37 Drew That's why that was not the eighth dwarf. Or they kicked him off the set.

56:41 Adam Smart and happy.

56:42 Drew Because he would have kicked happy's ass and would have upset the balance of the whole thing.

56:46 Adam Sasha is real long on smart and kind of short on happy. And ultimately, whereas the smart people walk around passing judgment and letting everyone know how much smarter they are than everyone, ultimately jokes on them because they went through a life without any happiness.

57:04 Drew So I think you're giving a very, very important message to the American youth, which is don't be smart.

57:11 Adam That's right. And don't crack, don't crack wise. No, there's, it's, it's one thing to accumulate knowledge. That's fine. That's an important thing. You should go out and experience and learn as much as you can. But when you put the, when you put a bigger emphasis on smart than you do on happy, people need to focus on happy. If people are smiling, you should smile back. It's a better, it's a better life.

57:37 Drew It's quite interesting that the whole notion of love for Sasha is something terribly mysterious and confusing. It's like, what could they possibly mean? Well, I looked at the dictionary.

57:48 Adam Sasha's smart and a little bit angry.

57:51 Drew Icy cold.

57:51 Adam And it's, and it's an icy cold, colder than the Russian front that they used to threaten to send Colonel Klink to all the time. Colder than a Siberian winter, I was going to say a Siberian parking block. All right, so here's the point. Oh, you can't tell or not. It's never going to work.

58:13 Drew I know.

58:13 Adam I just don't know what to do. What do you do with Sasha? Center space camp?

58:17 Drew Get more friends.

58:19 Adam More friends. Get some friends and get some goofy friends.

58:23 Caller Hey, you know, like, I just wanted to see how things were going. You know, he was writing the music for that new band or whatever. And that they said pretty good.

58:30 Drew No, no, I knew I knew an S or an F was going to fly out of there. I just know it.

58:35 Adam God forbid we put one of the Loveline callers on the air for more than four words without them knowing it. The S the S bomb gets dropped.

58:46 Drew I thought be the bomb first. I was convinced that was coming any second.

58:50 Adam Well, I'm sure we missed out on six F bombs and three S's in the time and maybe an N word in the, in the time we put her on hold. But that's not her fault. So we're not going to punish her. We're going to go back to her, Drew.

59:04 Drew Why is it not her fault?

59:05 Adam It's not her fault.

59:06 Drew She didn't know she was on the air.

59:07 Adam She didn't know she was on the air.

59:10 Drew Paige?

59:12 Caller I don't even know.

59:13 Drew It's going to happen again. Paige. I don't want her to talk.

59:17 Adam Come on.

59:19 Caller When do you think that you'll get to talk to him next or? Yeah, I guess I just wouldn't. I wouldn't push it. If he wants to, he's totally disregarding you and you guys have had this really...

59:42 Adam I feel another F for an S coming.

59:45 Drew I got it.

59:45 Adam Are you cool?

59:46 Drew I'm cool.

59:46 Adam You got it? What's the over under on the S or the F?

59:51 Drew It's just giving love advice. That was good. How many minutes?

59:56 Adam No, minutes.

59:57 Drew How many seconds, I mean? 30 seconds.

59:59 Adam 30? I'm going under. You're going over. Are you ready? No F or F.

1:00:04 Caller I still have to do all the paperwork and all the...

1:00:11 Adam Four seconds into it. Are you... Let me explain something, Drew. Thirty seconds, a lifetime to someone who has profanity flying from their mouth.

1:00:24 Drew Well, I didn't know that S and F were commas and periods for her.

1:00:28 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:00:29 Drew Just, yeah.

1:00:30 Adam Man, when you said 30, I immediately, I mean, Chris, your witness, I went under. I said go under.

1:00:35 Drew Fast.

1:00:36 Adam Oh, no. And then that was, I would have put it more at about 16, 17 seconds, but that was literally four and a half seconds. Now Anderson, did you double down?

1:00:49 Drew Did you get that? I got it.

1:00:50 Adam We're cool.

1:00:50 Drew Yeah.

1:00:51 Adam All right.

1:00:51 Drew Now this time we'll go 20 seconds. Twenty seconds to F.

1:00:54 Unless she does two in a row, then give me a break.

1:00:57 Adam Okay. Well, I'll nipper on the first one. So I don't know.

1:01:03 Drew You still haven't got a single F out, Tim. I'm gambling on F.

1:01:05 Adam I'm just going profanity that we got a cut. What's your over under?

1:01:09 Drew Fifteen.

1:01:10 Adam Fifteen?

1:01:11 Drew I think that was a lucky move, that last one.

1:01:14 Adam Fifteen. I'm going over.

1:01:16 Drew Well, that's what I want to do, too.

1:01:20 Caller And he's like, yeah, there are things that I always want to do for you.

1:01:27 Caller And before you did it.

1:01:28 Caller Yeah, like what?

1:01:50 Adam The F word came about 21 seconds into it, although it was only her third word. Her friend was doing most of the talking. Yeah. So it was hard to figure out where to start the clock there because, you know, her friend was talking the whole time.

1:02:07 Drew That's tough.

1:02:08 Adam Yeah, that's tough. All right, Anderson, did you get that?

1:02:12 Caller Yeah, we're good. Let's do more.

1:02:13 Adam And what is the now what are the people at home hearing?

1:02:16 Caller They're just hearing like a second of dead.

1:02:19 Drew They hear this thing, but they know what they said. They miss the word.

1:02:22 Adam Okay.

1:02:22 Drew Do you make a sound or something?

1:02:24 I've been asking for a sound over here for a long time, but I just have dead air.

1:02:28 Adam Well, that sound would be that's that's extravagant, right? For a radio show.

1:02:34 Drew I wanted this. Let's let's get that sound. Let's make another bed. All right.

1:02:42 Adam Now this is any kind of profanity, any kind of profanity.

1:02:46 Drew I think we go for a duel, a duel.

1:02:49 Adam We can't.

1:02:50 Caller If her friend is talking, as soon as she starts talking, I'll play the clock ticking and we'll know.

1:02:56 Adam Here. Look, here's my point, Drew.

1:02:57 Drew Dual juxtaposed profanity. Now 30 seconds.

1:03:00 Adam Now I got to put them on hold the second I hear the first one. And Anderson's got to dump it.

1:03:07 Caller I can put them on hold.

1:03:09 Adam Here's the point. It's getting confusing, Drew. I say S-word in 12 seconds. You going under or over?

1:03:21 Caller Over.

1:03:21 Drew You're going over. Of her talking.

1:03:23 Adam Of her talking.

1:03:25 Drew Yes.

1:03:25 Adam 12 seconds. Over. Going over. I'm going, so 12's a push. Wrong button.

1:03:33 Caller All right.

1:03:33 Adam I'm going to push the button when the clock gets to straight up at 11, 17, all right?

1:03:40 Drew That's a, yeah, 23, 24 at the top of the hour.

1:03:43 Adam Here we go.

1:03:44 Drew Four, two minutes.

1:03:49 Caller My friend's not there anymore.

1:03:53 Adam Oh, you guys stopped talking.

1:03:54 Caller Oh, no, you heard that.

1:03:57 Adam Oh, we had a great thing going with you two.

1:03:59 Caller Oh, wow.

1:04:01 Adam That was huge.

1:04:01 Drew But Paige, we noticed a certain meter and quality to your speech, and we'd ask you to refrain from using some of the great embellishment of speech that colors your language every about fifth word while you're on the air. Oh, that's all right.

1:04:18 Adam Where'd you go to finishing school? Jerusalem.

1:04:21 Drew A place to send my daughter.

1:04:22 Adam A nice prep place to send the kids, yeah.

1:04:23 Caller I didn't know you guys were there.

1:04:27 Adam That's all right. Now how did it happen that we could hear you but you couldn't hear us?

1:04:31 Caller You know, that's really bizarre. I was kind of thinking the same thing. I'm totally embarrassed right now.

1:04:38 Drew She was lost in conversation.

1:04:41 Adam We heard you first giving out some very sage advice.

1:04:45 Drew F-ing advice.

1:04:46 Adam F-ing advice and a little S-ing advice to your friend too.

1:04:49 Drew S-ing advice.

1:04:50 Caller That was the most random thing. Like I just had an old friend like stop by and it was absolutely crazy and I was like, you know, I finally got through. Hi boys. By the way, sorry.

1:05:03 Drew We found out how guys are. We actually thought you were right.

1:05:06 Caller Oh, really?

1:05:07 Adam Mm-hmm.

1:05:09 Caller Oh, thank you. Maybe I'll change my major.

1:05:12 Adam What is your major now, Paige? Swearing?

1:05:15 Caller Elocution. It's fashion. You know, we're allowed to smoke cigarettes and do other fun stuff.

1:05:23 Adam When I hear fashion, I think skinny chick, big nose.

1:05:26 Caller Yeah?

1:05:27 Adam Yeah. That's what I think.

1:05:30 Caller I don't know. I don't think I'm really skinny, but that's probably just a girl thing to say. You know, thank you, Adam. I do have a big nose.

1:05:38 Adam Yeah. Well, how tall are you?

1:05:42 Caller I'm five.

1:05:43 Drew Oh, dude, Paige. Didn't we just ask for the, to hold the color down? Rhetoric, not elocution, rhetoric. That's what she majors in. Yeah.

1:05:56 Adam Now, wait a minute, Drew. Now I'm confused. Now, I'm not, was she insulted by the question, by the question or she was just using a comma.

1:06:06 Drew Yeah.

1:06:06 Adam But the effing, I said, how much, how tall are you? And she said, I'm effing.

1:06:12 Drew I'm, I'm let's see, comma.

1:06:15 Adam Yeah. What did that, but she, she sound like an articulate, I know, no, I know, I know you're laughing, but I mean, once she was aware she was on the air, she, she could only hold together for so long.

1:06:27 Drew Please come on.

1:06:27 Adam Well, it's true. It had been a whole 36 seconds. We could have dropped the f-bomb.

1:06:32 Drew Wow.

1:06:32 Adam All right. Paige, you got to hang on a second because we're going to have to, I'm enticed. Really?

1:06:38 Drew Let's just finish it up.

1:06:39 Adam All right. Paige.

1:06:42 Drew How tall are you?

1:06:43 Caller Oh, please do.

1:06:46 Adam What's she talking about now? Paige, how tall are you?

1:06:49 Caller I'm five 10.

1:06:50 Drew Five 10. And how much do you weigh? All right.

1:06:57 Adam And you got a big schnoz, right?

1:07:00 Caller All right.

1:07:02 Adam I'm scared whenever she starts talking that she's going to let the F-bomb fly. All I said was, chicks that are designers, I got skinny. I didn't say tall. Just skinny with a big schnoz.

1:07:13 Drew Five 10, 130 is pretty thin.

1:07:15 Adam Is 137. Yeah. No, no. It's thin. She's got a big schnoz. That's all I'm saying. That's what I picture.

1:07:24 Drew So, Paige, what's your question?

1:07:27 Caller Well, I was basically, I'm curious to see if I masturbate a lot. Well, you know, like some days I do, like every other day, I probably don't, but when I do, I do it like four or five times. I don't touch myself, though I use a vibrator. I've never had an orgasm during sex. I want to know basically, ever since I lost my virginity at a very young age, and it wasn't the best experience, of course.

1:08:02 Drew How old were you?

1:08:03 Caller I was 13. 15.

1:08:08 Adam How did that, were you just one of these girls that grew up too fast?

1:08:12 Caller It was my brother's best friend, you know, he's been a friend of the family for, you know, several years. We've grown up together. He was really cool and always made my brother be nice to me.

1:08:23 Adam Are your parents professionals, like attorneys or doctors or something?

1:08:28 Caller No comments on that.

1:08:30 Drew Why not?

1:08:31 Caller Because, I have, no.

1:08:36 Drew Are your parents drug addicts or something to be ashamed of?

1:08:39 Caller No, but regardless, I don't know.

1:08:43 Adam Hold on, what's she so flighty for? What's with their no comment line?

1:08:49 Drew You have a rule about that, don't you?

1:08:51 Adam Oh, yeah. My rule is, when I hear no comment from one of the callers, later on that night, I go home, I beat off and I drink red wine.

1:09:03 Drew Thus. Well, wait a minute, that happens every night.

1:09:06 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

1:09:07 Drew But we don't hear no comment every night.

1:09:08 Adam Oh, yeah. All right, but I'm just playing it safe. You understand?

1:09:14 Drew Okay.

1:09:15 Adam Because I'll get home and I'll be like, wait a minute. Did I hear no comment? I'm going to pour some wine and pull my junk out. You're going to cover myself. You don't know. You could get burned.

1:09:25 Drew Don't cover yourself.

1:09:26 Adam Paige?

1:09:28 Caller All right.

1:09:28 Adam So here's the thing. What did your parents do?

1:09:33 Drew What kind of people were they?

1:09:35 Caller I don't like my dad. What?

1:09:39 Adam Was he a professional?

1:09:41 Caller He has like ADHD, so he had like seven jobs a year.

1:09:46 Drew Well, I just hear bipolar when you say that.

1:09:49 Caller Yeah. That too. I don't know who he is, so I don't speak with him.

1:09:55 Adam So did he not make any money?

1:09:58 Caller No. He made good money. He just like lived a whole life that we never knew about.

1:10:05 Adam Any doctors or lawyers in your family?

1:10:08 Caller One doctor.

1:10:09 Adam Who?

1:10:09 Caller My mom.

1:10:12 Adam I ask if your mom and dad are doctors or lawyers. All right, who cares? I don't know. I know what's going on. I know her. I mean, I know. I can feel her.

1:10:21 Drew Tell me.

1:10:22 Adam Just got the money, got the attitude, angry, smart again. Not happy.

1:10:28 Drew Was she angry by just being abandoned?

1:10:33 Adam And grown up early.

1:10:35 Drew Did she have to raise herself kind of thing?

1:10:38 Adam Yeah. That's right. I would say that too. Money, but you can't buy the love kind of thing. Dad all over the place, mom, professional, out a lot.

1:10:47 Drew So very, very cold family life, very distant.

1:10:49 Adam Cold. Yeah. And so you grow up smart, you kind of grow up fast and a little angry. So she's like smart, a little angry.

1:10:57 Drew Was that less than zero? Wasn't that what you think about that?

1:10:59 Adam That's her. All right. All right. We're taking a break. Paige, I don't care.

1:11:03 Drew It's been a very interesting night, hasn't it?

1:11:04 Adam You got your vibrator. God bless you.

1:11:06 Drew For Adam's birthday, it's been an interesting night. Adam's going to Europe tomorrow?

1:11:10 Adam No.

1:11:12 Drew Yeah.

1:11:12 Adam Next day. Yeah. All right.

1:11:15 Drew Good times.

1:11:15 Adam Yeah, good times. We'll be back after this. Call Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191. Hey, buddy. It's Adam.

1:11:25 Drew And I'm Dr. Drew.

1:11:26 Adam Here to talk about Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

1:11:28 Drew Yes, sir.

1:11:29 Adam You spray that on, you give stink the Axe. Loveline.

1:11:39 Caller 1-100-5-ALTERNATIVE.

1:11:46 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. All right. I feel bad for being mean to Paige, but she got something wrong with her.

1:12:00 Drew You know, you just don't like women that are angry and high strung. You really, really, you just don't like it.

1:12:06 Adam Tap into it. I don't know what it is.

1:12:09 Drew You identify it very clearly.

1:12:10 Adam My fur starts staying in it.

1:12:11 Drew Yeah, I know. I don't have the same reaction. I don't get counter-transference.

1:12:15 Adam You better hope you don't. If you're in a marriage company, for a tough marriage, that's right.

1:12:20 We'll throw a tough, angry woman a fine.

1:12:25 Adam All right, so anyway, Paige over here is having a bunch of... She's having a lot of vibrator orgasms, but nothing with a man.

1:12:36 Drew No surprise.

1:12:37 Adam Kind of common, but I'm guessing doesn't want to give it up with a guy.

1:12:42 Drew And she goes bring the vibrator in with her.

1:12:44 Adam Doesn't work for chicks.

1:12:46 Drew Yeah.

1:12:46 Adam Don't know why that is. There's no such thing as that with guys. You know, I mean, if some device that makes you orgasm very quickly and efficiently, if you did that, if you brought that in to your love making, you just go off that much faster for a guy.

1:13:05 Drew Right.

1:13:05 Adam For women? No. Women can sit there, put the vibrator on them, have a thousand orgasms. Guy walks into the house, no, no more. That's the end of that. Really? Couldn't just... Guy could do it. You know, film crew did nothing, it wouldn't matter, just if the actual sensation was going on, that's it.

1:13:25 Drew If the proper stimulation was there, that's it.

1:13:27 Adam That's right. Christine? You're 21? What's up?

1:13:36 Caller I was actually wondering if there's anything I can do to prevent urinating before coming. During oral sex and handjobs, I tend to urinate a lot.

1:13:50 Adam Call them handjobs, huh?

1:13:52 Caller It's almost pleasurable.

1:13:54 Adam The urination?

1:13:57 Caller Yeah.

1:13:57 Drew So, what's the problem with that?

1:13:59 Adam Well, she's making a mess.

1:14:01 Drew She wants people to choose what she does.

1:14:03 Caller Huge mess.

1:14:04 Adam Yeah, and then what about the poor guy giving her an oral?

1:14:06 Drew How about emptying your bladder before you get involved with stuff?

1:14:09 Caller She does that.

1:14:12 Drew Maybe it's not urine. Maybe it's just orgasm.

1:14:13 Adam Yeah, but Drew, you know, you act like emptying the bladder is like, you know, is like a dumping out your coffee in the sink. I mean, there's always something left. I mean, listen, you can take a leak, you can take a leak, you can go climb into bed, lie there for 15 minutes, stand up, go back in the bathroom and take another half a leak.

1:14:32 Drew Not to rub salt on the wounds, Monsieur, but that's for a 40-year-old man.

1:14:36 Adam No, women.

1:14:37 Drew For a 20-year-old female.

1:14:38 Adam She can squeeze something out.

1:14:40 Drew Even a 20-year-old male, it's a different thing. The residual, the post-void residual, that's called, is different in a 20-year-old female than a 40-year-old male.

1:14:47 Adam You can still, you could go empty yourself, go into the room and 10 minutes later, make enough to embarrass yourself.

1:14:56 Drew But not to make a huge mess.

1:14:59 Adam Well, but we've discussed this many times.

1:15:01 Drew I know, but she's sort of describing it as something enormous.

1:15:03 Adam Well, again, you take a couple of capfuls and throw them in a guy's face, that's humiliation enough. A couple of capfuls, I'm on board with.

1:15:10 Drew All right.

1:15:11 Adam So, Christine.

1:15:13 Caller Yes.

1:15:14 Adam What happens when you have the orgasm and then the urination when the guy's performing oral sex on you?

1:15:23 Caller What do you mean what happens when I'm having actual...

1:15:26 Adam Well, hold on a second. The phone one didn't cut out there, did it?

1:15:29 Drew No, that was her mind lock.

1:15:31 Adam Wow, is that what that is? Christine?

1:15:35 Caller Yeah.

1:15:36 Adam You ever had any brain injuries?

1:15:39 Caller Thanks for asking, though.

1:15:42 Adam Just being polite.

1:15:43 Caller But during actual sex, it doesn't happen unless he knows about...

1:15:48 Adam No, no. No, during oral sex.

1:15:50 Drew That's the one time she has this, I guess.

1:15:52 Adam That's what I am.

1:15:52 Drew Yeah. It happens during oral sex?

1:15:55 Adam Yes.

1:15:56 Drew And what happened? You asked what happened to the guy?

1:15:58 Adam Yeah. I mean, does it, do you pee on the guy? Oh, you do? Okay. And is it your boyfriend?

1:16:07 Caller Yeah. He said it was fine, but it's still uncomfortable.

1:16:10 Adam Yeah. No, I understand. Just tell him you're marking your territory. And God bless guys. You know, that's cool. You just take a whizz in my face. That's all right.

1:16:21 Caller But I mean, I wouldn't even be able to have spontaneous sex because I'm afraid I'm just going to make a mess.

1:16:28 Adam No, listen, I understand and let me.

1:16:30 Drew I don't understand.

1:16:31 Adam No, I do.

1:16:31 Drew I'm not going to have intercourse, but I will pee in his face.

1:16:35 Adam She's not going to have intercourse?

1:16:37 Drew She said I can't have spontaneous. Oh, does she just mean?

1:16:40 Adam I think she said sex. She means.

1:16:42 Drew Without setting down a tarp. Yeah.

1:16:44 Adam Christine?

1:16:45 Caller Yeah.

1:16:45 Adam You don't have this problem during intercourse.

1:16:49 Caller Only if he pulls out or it slips or whatever, then I'll urinate. But if he's in, then no, nothing.

1:16:56 Drew Nothing.

1:16:57 Adam You'll, but do you have an orgasm through intercourse?

1:17:02 Caller Sometimes. Not usually.

1:17:05 Drew So the peeing has nothing to do with orgasm?

1:17:11 Caller That's kind of my question to you, because it's almost pleasurable. I feel like it might have been one, but.

1:17:17 Adam Right. So you're not sure, but if he has intercourse with you for a while and then pulls out, you'll urinate.

1:17:23 Caller Yeah.

1:17:24 Drew So you just you re-thrill the irritation. Man, took some some working.

1:17:30 Adam Got to be rough for the guy who's manning the drive through at the Jack in the Box when Christine pulls up. Yeah. How can I help you? Welcome to Jack in the Box. What would you like to order? Fries. Hamburger. Would you like something to drink with that? I'm getting to it.

1:17:56 Caller Wow. All right.

1:17:58 Adam Maybe it's the phone line. She's calling from Ontario, California, though. Is that Ontario? If this Ontario Canada, we're cool, if it's Ontario, California, it explains, there's an explanation here. Christine? You're calling from Ontario, California? Correct. All right. It all now just came together, it was funny, I was looking at Ontario and I thought, Canadian, not moving too quick for a Canadian. And then I heard, then I thought, oh, no, wait a minute, that's Ontario, California, and snapped into focus. Now she's a reactionary.

1:18:36 Drew For Ontario, yes.

1:18:37 Adam Slow for Canada, fast for Ontario.

1:18:40 All right.

1:18:43 Adam Not much now. Okay, so let's talk about this real fast. Drew, your attitude of, hey, the guy doesn't mind and, hey, you're having your orgasm, not going to work. Twenty-one year old women don't want to wet the bed every time they have intercourse or oral sex. Unfortunately, from doing this show for a long time, I know there's really not a whole lot you can do about it. You can...

1:19:05 Drew Kegel exercises, that's about it.

1:19:07 Adam Yeah. You know, let me tell you how that gets translated into Ontario, California. Drew said, drink a keg. There are exercises you can do called kegel exercises to strengthen the muscles in that region of the body. Right. Therefore, being able to control. Or hopefully have more control, potentially, over these...

1:19:32 Drew Emissions.

1:19:32 Adam Thank you. So, that's it. And then later on, I guess there are some medications and things. But you're 21. You don't want to monkey with that and try all up and everything. You got a guy who doesn't mind. Do the kegels. See what it gets you.

1:19:48 Drew Good time.

1:19:48 Adam And good times. Let's not forget about that. Alexis? You're 14?

1:19:54 Caller Uh-huh.

1:19:55 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

1:19:57 Caller Well, like last year, I had a fight with a friend and I ended up overdosing on pills and a suicide attempt.

1:20:04 Adam Wow, because a fight with a friend.

1:20:06 Caller Yeah, it was horrible.

1:20:07 Adam Not even a boyfriend.

1:20:09 Caller No.

1:20:11 Adam I mean, I can understand having close friendships and stuff, but the idea that without the love part of it, it just seems like, wow. It seems like you're...

1:20:20 Caller I was just really dependent on her and stuff.

1:20:23 Adam Oh, yeah, but you must have been sort of depressed and close to suicide anyway.

1:20:28 Drew Except for that.

1:20:29 Caller All right.

1:20:30 Adam So, you took some pills. What pills?

1:20:32 Caller Some diet pills that were in her mom's cupboard or something.

1:20:38 Adam Don't that just speed you up?

1:20:40 Caller I have no idea.

1:20:41 Caller I just started puking and it was bad.

1:20:44 Adam How many did you take?

1:20:46 Caller I have no clue.

1:20:48 Adam Okay.

1:20:49 Caller Maybe like 10.

1:20:51 Adam Okay.

1:20:52 Caller And 11, I don't know.

1:20:54 Adam So, you tried to kill yourself with 10 diet pills and it made you puke. And now what?

1:21:00 Caller And now I can't take pills without getting really nauseous and throwing up or just feeling horrible.

1:21:05 Drew How long ago did this happen?

1:21:07 Caller Maybe a year ago.

1:21:09 Drew And do you have an eating disorder? Have you been bulimic ever? Adam, have you ever been bulimic?

1:21:19 Caller I've...

1:21:21 Drew Yeah. Well, bulimia can predispose to this kind of thing.

1:21:24 Adam It can.

1:21:24 Drew Yep.

1:21:25 Adam Why? How?

1:21:26 Drew Because people have sort of more readily to the vomit. Oh, really? There's not that much.

1:21:32 Adam It loosens up that reflex?

1:21:33 Drew In a way. Yeah, that's a good way to think. For some people. The other thing is, what pills are these you're trying to take now that make you vomit?

1:21:40 Caller Just normal, like Tylenol and stuff.

1:21:43 Drew Well, Tylenol or Advil?

1:21:46 Caller Advil, Tylenol.

1:21:47 Drew Yeah, well, Advil and the Aleve and the Nuprenol and stuff can cause gastritis, and by themselves can cause nausea and vomiting.

1:21:53 Adam Really?

1:21:54 Caller Yeah.

1:21:54 Adam Lightweight.

1:21:56 Drew And if you had vomiting, maybe you've had gastritis sort of all along here, was never properly treated, that could be the case.

1:22:02 Adam You talking about trying to get it down, or are you talking about once it sits in your stomach for a few minutes?

1:22:07 Drew Yeah, that's a simple question.

1:22:08 Adam Well, wait a minute, I'm asking Alexis.

1:22:10 Drew Which is it?

1:22:11 Caller Well, just right after I take it, it just kind of makes me feel bad.

1:22:15 Adam I know.

1:22:17 Drew Well, what she's getting at, which in fact may be the case, is some sort of conditioned response. That she has a conditioned reaction to swallowing pills, which it triggers. And nausea is one of those experiences that can be highly conditionable.

1:22:28 Adam Right. So, I mean, what I mean is it's not what she's taking, it's that she's taking it.

1:22:33 Drew And she's associated that, her brain associated that with that experience she had. Right. So it re-evokes all those feelings. All right. And that can happen.

1:22:42 Adam How about you get over it?

1:22:43 Drew That's right.

1:22:47 Adam And what else? You okay?

1:22:49 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

1:22:50 Adam You sound depressed. How about you get some therapy? I'm very depressed. No reason to be depressed.

1:22:57 Caller Yeah.

1:22:59 Adam Your life's not so bad. You live in Oregon, for Christ's sake. That's nice.

1:23:02 Drew What part of Oregon, Portland?

1:23:04 Caller Yeah, close to Portland.

1:23:06 Adam Close to Portland. Are your parents together?

1:23:08 Drew Are you Russian?

1:23:09 Caller No, my parents aren't together. My dad's in Iraq or something.

1:23:15 Adam What's he doing? Is he in the military?

1:23:18 Caller Okay.

1:23:18 Adam Well, you don't care about him. Is your mom keeping it together?

1:23:22 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:23:23 Adam She loves you, right?

1:23:24 Caller Yeah.

1:23:25 Adam All right. Don't give her such a hard time.

1:23:28 Caller I try not to.

1:23:29 Adam Try harder.

1:23:31 Caller All right.

1:23:33 Adam Have some friends, some good friends. Listen, everybody. Have some friends. Abundance. That just means abundance. You're going to be happy.

1:23:43 Drew That's your solution.

1:23:45 Adam Yes. An abundance of friends, abundance of food. Have your friends. I got to tell you, I had a birthday. My birthday, because of my friends, had been great. My family's worthless. I don't get a present from any of those deadbeats. They do, they'll put a phone call in. But in years past and whatever. My sister's birthday was in the beginning of May. Mine was the end of May. We just combined them to make one crappy party in June. But friends. Oh, boy. I mean, the gifts. I mean, I don't even get gifts. I mean, my family doesn't give gifts. I get my gifts from my, well, not true. But I get my, not partners. I get gifts from my friends, but we had agreement, Drew. I mean, that's cool. But the stuff you get, the food, the parties. I mean, it's amazing. Hang out with some good people. Get with some good people.

1:24:40 Drew Adam's making a case for making sure all your friends are wealthy.

1:24:46 Adam I hope I didn't sound like it was anything else.

1:24:48 Drew I know it didn't. Don't worry. All right.

1:24:49 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:24:53 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready, ready, ready.

1:25:19 Adam I'm Adam, that's my partner, Dr. Drew. 722-22, after 7 o'clock. You're listening to Loveline, and I'll tell you, we're gonna do our darndest to give out some sage advice over the next 13 minutes or so. What do you say, Drew?

1:25:35 Drew Sounds good, Ace.

1:25:35 Adam You ready to hop back on the phone? Remember, two for Tuesday. September's coming up, we're in Rocktober. And we should have the party van making a stop by you, I think they're out there with the prize patrols we speak. We should check in with those guys. Say, give yourself some swag, you know what I'm saying? We got some tickets coming up, giving away up there, 723.23 after seven o'clock. Giving away some Mario Speedwagon tickets. They're gonna be at the Amphitheater coming up. So if you see the party van, well, make sure you got your bumper sticker on. You got that bumper sticker on. And party vans spots you out there. You're gonna get Speedwagon tickets, all right? All right, so let's review 722-22 after seven o'clock. Rocktober, September's coming up. We got a rock block coming up at the end of the hour. It's two for Tuesday. And if the party patrol spots you with the bumper sticker, you're getting wagon tickets. Yes, Drew? All right, we got weather and sports coming up. We got a high back on the phones right now as we're gonna help those kids, right?

1:26:35 Drew Fair enough.

1:26:36 Adam Erica? You're 20? Hey, what's happening?

1:26:44 Caller Well, basically, like, I don't know, for me, I've always had a very sexual, very good sexual appetite. You know, and I'm with my fiance now, we've been together for about-

1:26:57 Adam Your passionate woman.

1:26:59 Caller Exactly, you know, and we've been together for about a year. And you know, at first it was awesome, you know, he could keep up with me and it was great. And you know, now, it's kind of, you know, it's not fizzling, but you know, it's kind of, you know, we're not as passionate as we were. And, and I'm just, I'm just kind of wondering, you know, is it normal? Like, I mean, I, I, I, I'm horny all the time, you know, I'm, I masturbate while he's sleeping next to me. And it's- Really? Yeah, and I don't, I don't know.

1:27:29 Adam Now, by the way, do you do it? Do you do it to sort of send a message to him?

1:27:35 Caller Sometimes, but, but not all the time.

1:27:37 Adam Because guy, a guy would not do it unless he was trying to send a message. Otherwise, he's worried about getting busted.

1:27:45 Drew Getting caught, yeah.

1:27:46 Adam And right, he doesn't wake up during this?

1:27:48 Caller Sometimes, but anymore it's like, he's so used to it now that he's just like, sometimes he wakes up and he's like, knock it off, or sometimes he wakes up and he's like, all right, you know?

1:27:59 Adam Drew almost took a swing. Drew took a swing in the air. He's that passionate. Yet, no, this would not fly at the Pinsky House at all, I'll tell you that right now. How often do you guys do it?

1:28:12 Caller It's probably, you know, five, six times a week. You know, it's pretty healthy, but, you know, I can orgasm probably two, three times during sex, and then sometimes after sex when he's sleeping, I get horny again. I mean, I don't know, I don't.

1:28:29 Adam Quiet, quiet. Any abuse in your past? Any abuse in your past?

1:28:35 Caller No, none at all.

1:28:36 Adam Everything's good?

1:28:37 Caller Just good? Uh-huh. I mean, I didn't lose my Virginia until I was like 17. All right.

1:28:42 Drew Any manic depression in your family?

1:28:44 Caller No, none at all. I have a very happy, happy family.

1:28:49 Drew The relationship is good with your boyfriend?

1:28:51 Caller Oh, it's wonderful. You know, we're planning on getting married and everything.

1:28:55 Adam And you're, are you a student?

1:28:58 Caller Yeah, I'm a student. I'm taking a year off right now. I'm traveling the country with him.

1:29:04 Adam Looking for vibrators?

1:29:07 Drew Pitching up an orgasm.

1:29:08 Adam You two are traveling the country?

1:29:10 Caller Yeah, we're in Utah right now and we're going back. I'm from Alaska. We're heading up there tomorrow, actually.

1:29:18 Adam And what do you got? Just a SUV or just driving around and camping and stuff?

1:29:22 Caller Yeah, basically, yep. We were here in Utah for a while and then we're just on our way back tomorrow.

1:29:29 Adam All right, baby doll.

1:29:30 Drew Well, look, what do you go from Alaska to Utah?

1:29:34 Caller Well, first we went to San Francisco and it was just, we followed his work wherever there was work.

1:29:39 Drew What kind of work does he do?

1:29:40 Adam Cell strikes.

1:29:41 Caller He's a union iron worker.

1:29:43 Adam Oh.

1:29:43 Caller So he just kind of follows the work.

1:29:45 Adam Alcoholic.

1:29:46 Drew Iron worker.

1:29:47 Adam India.

1:29:47 Drew Metal.

1:29:49 Adam Is he an alcoholic, this guy?

1:29:51 Caller No, uh-uh, no.

1:29:54 Adam And I understand the part, you go, so he gets work, I had some hotel, they're building for four months, and you stay in a motel, or how does that work?

1:30:08 Caller Well, we've been here in Utah since December, and we got an apartment for, I guess, a few months. And then we just kind of do that. When we were in San Francisco, the company he was working for put him up in a house.

1:30:24 Adam It's good money, right? He's getting like $40 an hour, right?

1:30:28 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:30:29 Drew You a Mormon? 1,000%.

1:30:32 Adam All right. So he's getting about $30 an hour?

1:30:35 Caller Yeah.

1:30:36 Adam That's good money. All right. So here's the thing. You're fine. You're happy. You got a motor. You got a fast motor. You can get a little compulsive with everything. You can get out.

1:30:49 Drew You can get momentum.

1:30:50 Adam You get momentum with food, with exercise, even like good things and stuff. You kind of they things. Things have their own momentum sometimes. And when you think of some kinds of people and when you sit around and your mantra is like, I'm horny, I'm horny or I'm hungry, I'm hungry. Things can spin out.

1:31:08 Drew It's like trying not to diet when you're trying to lose weight.

1:31:10 Adam Yeah. Or not to smoke or whatever. The point is to stop thinking about it. You got a guy who's got a pretty good motor in him too, maybe you should stop trying to figure out ways to get him to do it ten times a week and see about picking up a hobby. Yeah. Gina?

1:31:30 Caller Yeah?

1:31:31 Adam You're 18? What's happening?

1:31:34 Caller I'm having a major problem and well, yeah, that's right. Thing is, I turn into like a flipping slide completely before it even gets in me, which makes it really hard being that, you know, the feeling, not so much friction, you know?

1:31:47 Adam Right.

1:31:48 Caller I was wondering if there was anything I could do. I heard like I could take like, what's that, whenever you have a rain nose medication.

1:31:56 Adam Uh-huh. Dry up a little bit. You know what I do? I take the Vaseline, I spread it all over the dork and then I roll it in kitty litter. So it becomes sort of a pecan log. And that will hang on for a few strokes and get some real good friction going on with that stuff. Gina? Uh-huh? Yeah, what about it, Drew? What can, well you know, you can...

1:32:20 Drew Wear a condom?

1:32:21 Adam Who's wearing a condom? And who wants to wear a condom? You know what you could do too is you could just physically have like a little dish towel down there to, you know, every fourth or fifth stroke, you know, just wipe it down. Well, what about something to dry it? What about... There are...

1:32:40 Drew Progesterone. Progesterone. Certain kinds of birth control pills would dry it out a bit.

1:32:43 Adam What about those pills I take so I stop sweating?

1:32:45 Drew I don't think that would do it. Progesterone, for some women, dries them out so you could talk to your doctor about that.

1:32:50 Caller Okay. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:32:53 Adam Here it is, Bottom Line, it sucks being single today.

1:32:57 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

1:32:59 Call the Dateline.

1:33:00 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:01 1-877-889-DATE.

1:33:08 Caller So get your problems ready. Ready. This hour brought to you in part by AXE.

1:33:15 Caller Experience the AXE Effect.

1:33:34 Adam All right, well, God bless you for tuning in. And-

1:33:38 Drew The chief thanks you.

1:33:40 Adam Yeah, hey, I wanna thank engineer Anderson, I wanna thank producer Ann, junior, producer Lauren, I'm gonna thank engineer Chris, phone screener Brian, and I'm not sure who else was over there.

1:33:56 For, I don't know, nobody.

1:33:59 Adam Oh, nobody? Thought I heard a chick, but maybe that was just Tara, don't call me.

1:34:01 Caller There's always chicks in here. Oh, cool.

1:34:04 Adam So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:10 Drew More coffee.

1:34:11 Adam Can that take it?

1:34:11 Drew Chris, Chris, Chris, go, come on, Chris, come on.

1:34:20 Caller The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, May 27, 2004