Episode 1000617289014

1:06 Voiceover Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:08 Adam Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, and angry, angry man. He's got his ticket. He got a ticket yesterday, everybody. Moving violation, Dr. Drew, and Drew gets himself a couple of moving violations a year.

1:26 Drew No, no, I haven't had one in years.

1:27 Adam You see, I got pulled over in Pasadena the other day.

1:30 Drew This year. Just now, I was doing like a two-week period.

1:32 Well, that's obviously someone. Drew, when I tell you I don't have a problem with alcohol.

1:36 Drew I know, it's exactly what I had, Adam.

1:38 Adam Just a couple of drinks every night.

1:41 Drew Yes, absolutely.

1:42 Adam No problems, huh?

1:42 Drew I understand.

1:43 Adam I understand.

1:44 Drew Listen, that's actually what I've been wrestling with. Do I have a problem?

1:48 Adam No, you don't.

1:48 Drew Or did I just get dinged ridiculously?

1:50 Adam Well, here's the thing. You live in Los Angeles. And they gotta make a buck off you. But nothing you do is inherently dangerous because you don't get into accidents.

2:02 Drew No.

2:02 Adam By the way, that's how they ought to do it.

2:04 Drew But, yeah, Drew's angry. This wasn't speeding, this wasn't anything.

2:07 Adam Drew's nothing, just trying to make a little time. Here's what goes on in Los Angeles, too. Drew and I were, it's kind of funny. You know, it's interesting. You guys listening around the country and even around the state, probably got your eye on American Idol tonight. Everyone curious to see what's going to go on.

2:26 Caller Yeah.

2:27 Adam You got everything going on at the Kodak Theater, and it's right across the street from Jimmy Kimmel Live, and it looks all very glamorous. To us, huge pain in the sack.

2:37 Drew Total, complete.

2:38 Adam I work across the street, literally across the street from where it is, where I sit up on my sixth floor and look out the window and look at all the lemmings lining up to get a glimpse at Chiffon and whatever the hell, Fantasia, and wherever the hell their name is. And we, and Ryan, what's the name? Sechrist, we all work in there, and what ends up happening is when they have these big events, such as the Academy Awards and the American Idol finale and all that, for us translates into huge pain in the ass because they close off Hollywood Boulevard, and Hollywood Boulevard's a major artery, and here's how this city works. This city is working like an old man's heart that's just been, where the guy's been living on a steady diet of ass on a shingle and a chip beef and a pudding, and everything's, the arteries are clogged already. Now we're cutting one off, and there's gonna be a stroke. That's what happens. Like we're already at full capacity, and now you cut off a main artery.

3:47 Caller And so what ends up happening is everyone starts scrambling.

3:50 Adam You start, like your house is one direction, you turn your back on it. You start heading the other direction.

3:55 Drew Yeah, you have to. You start, you just sit.

3:57 Adam Right, and what happens when you live in Los Angeles too, is every drive's a fishing expedition. It's like your house is up and to the right, you're going down and to the left.

4:09 Drew Just in case.

4:09 Caller You're just fishing, turning, trying to keep moving, working your way around, looping around. Uh-oh, street's been closed off. Who's getting out? One of the guys, Shatner's getting another star in the Walk of Fame that blocked the street off. Got to cut down and go back around again.

4:25 Adam That's all this. So Drew was trying to, what?

4:29 Drew I was locked in the American Isle of Stout. Gridlock.

4:32 Adam Yes.

4:32 Drew And I just said, all right, got to get off this street. Got to start moving. That's right. Move up. And then there was very confusing signs.

4:39 Adam They pounce. So again, create an environment.

4:43 Drew I'm going to take pictures of all this.

4:45 Caller No, you're not. Yeah, yeah.

4:46 No, no.

4:46 Adam Create an environment that compels you to take an action and then pounce on you.

4:53 Drew How about my getting back to the hospital too? I mean, it doesn't matter.

4:57 Caller I don't know.

4:58 Come on, you'll get paid.

4:59 Adam Are you worried about the patients? Yeah, Drew, as a doctor, by the way, that's why I tell you, keep that cooler with the organ transplant sticker on it in your back seat. You know, the little Coleman cooler, organs, and by the way, I got to just take some calves' liver and throw it in there every once in a while. They think that the average guy's walking the beat's gonna, you open that up.

5:20 Drew He's not gonna open it.

5:22 Adam Even if he did, I see some calves' liver and some dried ice in there.

5:24 Caller No, no, no, don't do it.

5:25 Adam He'll give you an escort.

5:27 Drew That's right.

5:28 Adam All the way to the Starbucks.

5:31 Caller Try to get 80 cents worth of coffee.

5:33 Adam No, I think you should fight it.

5:34 Drew Because it seemed, and I thought about it.

5:37 Caller Give it a try.

5:37 Drew I wondered about this business too but them waving me up the street and into their little web.

5:43 Adam Yeah, well, here's the thing. Fight it, there's a chance a cop may not show up.

5:47 Caller Hey, Drew, you can fight it through the mail too.

5:50 Caller I've done that.

5:50 Drew Ooh, how do you do that?

5:52 Caller You got to ask for a form. I don't remember how I did it. It was a long time ago, but I was guilty as hell and I won through the mail. Ooh.

5:57 Adam Really, through the mail?

5:58 Caller Through the mail.

5:59 Adam All right.

6:00 Drew Correct the violation. What does that mean? Is that what that mean? Correct the violation.

6:03 Adam Do it through the mail, Drew. Fight the man through the mail.

6:06 Drew Request a trial by written declaration.

6:09 Adam Yeah.

6:09 Drew Then you have to go to court to do that.

6:11 Adam You do have to show up.

6:13 Drew No, I just dropped it in the mail and never went to court. Why not? You don't help me, Anderson. You don't tell me how to do it.

6:19 Adam Wait a minute.

6:20 Drew Now you're just tantalizing me with this.

6:21 Adam Wait a minute, Anderson.

6:22 Caller You might have to pay first.

6:24 Adam You got a moving violation, right?

6:26 Caller Well, it was for things being thrown out of my car. Okay.

6:31 Drew We find out more about Anderson every night.

6:33 Adam And when he says things, he means dead hookers.

6:34 Drew The dad are like a bomb or something, right?

6:36 Caller It was a dead hooker. All right.

6:39 Adam So you throw something out of your car. What'd you throw out of your car, by the way?

6:43 Caller I think it was just a cigarette or something. All right.

6:45 Adam I don't mind tossing the cigarette out of the car. I don't like the McDonald Rappers.

6:49 Caller Give that guy a ticket.

6:51 Caller But then what you have to do is you have to pay for the ticket.

6:53 You don't have to show up to court to pay for the ticket.

6:55 Caller You pay for the ticket and then you send in your written declaration. All right.

6:58 Adam So you do have to show up at court one day.

7:01 You don't have to show up court to pay, do you?

7:03 Drew You pay, it's over. They don't send you something back.

7:07 Caller They make sure that you pay first.

7:09 Drew Yeah, but the ones that...

7:10 Caller I know, but okay. No, no, you pay first.

7:12 Caller You have to pay first.

7:13 Drew And then they decide... But once you pay, it's over.

7:14 Caller No, they sent me a check.

7:15 Caller It was from the court.

7:16 Caller I framed it and I made a photocopy and I framed it because it was unbelievable to me.

7:19 Adam They sent you a reimbursement for the amount you paid?

7:22 Caller Exactly.

7:23 Adam That's another great one. You're gonna fight the ticket, but just pay the ticket first and then we'll decide whether you should get your money back or not. All right, well, good times and how'd you beat it Anderson?

7:34 Caller It was really half ass on my part.

7:36 Drew I just wrote up a little thing while I was at the post office and sent it in.

7:39 Caller That was back in my drug days and I didn't know what the hell was going on, but I couldn't afford the ticket. So I sent out, it was a mistake.

7:45 Drew It slipped out of my hand. I didn't try to, I was actually trying to buy more cigarettes right then.

7:49 Caller And they just wrote me like about a month and a half later. I got a check.

7:54 Adam Well, here's my take on finding the tickets by the way, Drew. It doesn't really matter what the merits of your case are. Probably about one out every 10 is gonna make it past. The cops not gonna show up or they're just gonna randomly send it back just to say they do every once in a while.

8:09 Caller I think Anderson got lucky with that one.

8:12 Adam I'm sure you won't be so lucky, but give it a try anyway.

8:14 Drew Hey, by the way, I want you to know something about, I'm reading this ticket right now. Look at my approximate speed. What does that tell you about how screwed up I was looking around trying to figure what the hell was going on?

8:24 Adam 10 miles an hour.

8:25 Drew 10 miles an hour.

8:26 Adam Which means seven.

8:28 Drew But on a 35 mile an hour street, I was completely confused.

8:32 Adam Disoriented, Drew. All right, buddy. I'm telling you, if you got that cooler with the calves liver in it and it said, Oregon Transplant.

8:41 Drew 10 miles an hour. Going to go 10 miles an hour.

8:45 Caller All right. Let it go, buddy.

8:46 Caller You got to breathe.

8:49 Drew 10 miles an hour.

8:51 Caller Jamie? Huh? You're 16?

8:54 Fight the power.

8:55 Adam Yeah. Yeah, smoke the weed.

9:00 I'm all about against authority.

9:02 Adam It's going to serve you well, too.

9:05 Caller That's a very great strategy.

9:06 Caller It's going to serve you well.

9:07 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah.

9:09 Adam Listen, Jamie. Don't let anyone ever tell you what to do, all right?

9:14 Caller Oh, I don't.

9:15 Adam Ever, ever.

9:17 Caller If your parents tell you to do your homework, you don't do it. And if your boss tells you to show up early the next day, don't ever do anything anyone ever tells you to do.

9:31 Caller I'm doing on that path. I once got in trouble for saluting a cop with the middle finger.

9:36 Adam Yeah. Like I said, it's going to serve you well.

9:40 Caller It's all about lack of authority.

9:42 Caller I whack off quite a bit. And I can't, like, get off. Like, I can get off of things.

9:49 Drew You're a girl?

9:50 Caller Yeah.

9:51 Drew Girls don't.

9:52 Caller Okay, I masturbate quite a bit, sorry.

9:56 Drew Just curious, that's all. I'm not here to suggest anything by this. All right, yeah.

10:00 Caller I was, anyway. But I do it quite a bit and, like, I can't get off if I just use my hand, like, regularly. I have to use, like, this back massager-like thing.

10:13 Caller Sure.

10:13 Caller It's like, if I do it regularly, it took, one time it took me, like, an hour and a half.

10:18 Caller Oh, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

10:20 Caller So, like, I want to know, like, why would that happen?

10:26 Caller Mm, it's a chick, right? Still confusing me.

10:30 Drew 16.

10:31 Adam Uh, that's what happens for women at 16.

10:34 Drew Yeah, it's not all poppin.

10:37 Adam No, it ain't happening. It is for guys, but it ain't for gals. We use it-

10:41 Drew Well, it can, but it doesn't tickle.

10:43 Adam You use that back massager. Drew, what percentage, and Drew, put the ticket down now. You're starting to obsess now. Turn into Lenny Bruce. You're not funny anymore. Now listen. What percentage of 16-year-old girls can diddle themselves just using a digit or two and have an orgasm within 15 minutes?

11:06 Drew Less than 10%.

11:08 Adam Less than 10%.

11:09 Drew Within how long?

11:10 Adam It's at 15 minutes, which is a fair amount of diddling.

11:13 Drew Less than 20%. 25%.

11:14 Caller Yeah.

11:15 Adam 20%.

11:16 Caller Okay. All right.

11:18 Adam And then you start working in the back massage, you're in the tub.

11:21 Drew You're up around 27, 28%.

11:24 Adam Maybe getting more, maybe in the 40% range.

11:27 Drew Yeah, because now you're, now you're, if you're 20, if 18 to 20, I'd say yes.

11:31 Adam Yeah, 60, but you're still talking about 60% who aren't having an orgasm through any, any masturbation at all.

11:37 Yeah, all right.

11:39 Drew Not bad.

11:39 Caller All right. All right, so she's right.

11:42 Drew Where she's supposed to be.

11:43 Adam Where she needs to be. That's right.

11:45 Drew Where she needs to be.

11:46 Adam Jessica? You're 21?

11:50 Caller What's up?

11:51 Okay, so my boyfriend just got back from the golf and well, we just started going out when he came back from the golf and we started having sex and he kept on going limp while he was inside of me, like when he started going really fast and he could stay hard when I give him a blow job and he could stay hard when I give him a hand job but he can't get off. So we took him to the urologist and they have no idea what's wrong with him.

12:14 Drew He must love that. Fix him.

12:17 Caller Fix him. Fix it.

12:18 Adam Throws the penis on the counter. Puts it in his shop vise.

12:22 Caller Starts running away.

12:24 Drew Does he think that this is something new and unusual? In other words, what I'm getting at is, does he speculate that either he was traumatized in the golf or maybe he was given some vaccines that he's reacted to poorly?

12:37 He thinks it has to do something with like loss of sensitivity down there because while he was in like the Navy, like when he was stationed in San Diego, he did a lot of drugs like PCP and acid and ecstasy and a lot of stuff like that.

12:51 Drew I'm delighted to hear that. That's very reassuring by the way. Yeah, we do hear this one spot from PC, from ecstasy.

13:00 Caller Really? Well, wait a minute.

13:02 Adam He can only have an orgasm through intercourse.

13:06 He can only have an orgasm when he masturbates himself. So he does that like on me randomly when he can't get off.

13:12 Drew Randomly.

13:12 Otherwise.

13:14 Adam And it could be anytime you could be at school or driving or with your parents.

13:20 Drew They said random.

13:22 Whatever.

13:23 Caller Okay, but on me.

13:27 Why, why?

13:29 Adam Chivalry is not dead.

13:31 Drew Why, sir Walter?

13:32 Adam It's like, I could just see her. She's working on like a crossword puzzle. She's got her reading glasses on. She's in the den trying to watch TV. He's standing over her.

13:46 Caller Oh, Jesus Christ.

13:49 Adam All right. Here's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm trying to figure out that the hand job and the BJ doesn't work. But what I'm trying to figure out is, did intercourse work for him in the orgasm back when? But the BJ and the handy never did?

14:10 Caller The blow job did, but the hand job, it's never real. I mean, for most guys, it doesn't work that well.

14:17 Drew So he's done a bunch of drugs and he's injured himself. That's not all that uncommon.

14:21 Adam All right, because something changed, yeah.

14:23 Drew Now, you also had sensitivity down there. Does he have trouble actually feeling his penis? He says it stops having like feeling when he starts going really hard like he's not, he doesn't have to sit on like a turbine or something that could have injured the nerve, the pudendal nerve.

14:38 Caller Maybe, I have no idea what it could be like. We tried like everything possible.

14:44 Caller She doesn't know what you're saying.

14:45 Adam Okay, what's he do in the Navy besides the drugs?

14:49 Caller What he did, he was like special warfare or something. Like he did a lot of things on like boats and he went to Afghanistan and-

14:57 Drew He did a lot of things on boats, Adam, you got that?

15:00 Adam Hold on, Navy guy.

15:01 Drew Did warfare things, a lot of things on boats.

15:03 Adam Navy, doing stuff on boats now. All right, that's how God's, God love women. They don't sweat the details.

15:11 Caller He flew a thing into a meagre alley or somewhere at the planet.

15:17 Adam They just never, never know. Their dad, we talk to women all the time, dad could be a colonel, they could be an ace with, could have shot down 28 megs in Vietnam and could have flew an F4 Phantom and been shot down and been in the Hanoi Hilton for four years.

15:34 Caller What you do? He did something with the, off the, with the plane.

15:40 Drew The army people, army guys, he's an army guy, army man.

15:42 Caller He's in the Navy. What's he do? Something with the boat.

15:45 Drew Lot of things with boats.

15:46 Caller Lot of things with boats.

15:47 Adam Okay, again, let me write that down. That's all right, he's a farmer, what's he farm?

15:54 Caller He does stuff with dirt. All right, I don't blame him.

16:00 Adam Now, I don't think my sister knows what my dad does, but my dad didn't do anything.

16:04 Drew She had it out.

16:05 Adam She had it out, because it really was nothing. I'd be pissed though if I was like a fighter pilot or a professional high-light player or something interesting and cool and a secret agent or something. My daughter was like, eh, eh, eh.

16:23 Yes.

16:24 Adam You're 23?

16:25 Caller Yep.

16:26 Adam What's up?

16:28 Caller I'm calling about a year ago. It was a year ago, April 27th. My father passed away. He was in a motorcycle accident. I'm, huh? Sheesh. Yeah, I've been to counselor after counselor after counselor, and they all tell me the same thing. You know, you have a fear of loss, blah. But the thing is, is I'm taking it out on everybody around me. My best friend, my boyfriend, my daughter. I mean, I'm downright mean now, and-

16:58 Adam Were you that close with your dad?

17:02 Caller No, I hated the bastards. Sorry, I shouldn't say that on the radio.

17:05 Drew So this was just merely an excuse for you to start acting at your hostility.

17:10 Caller It was more of, my dad was bad to me when I was growing up.

17:15 Drew Wait, wait, wait, wait, you hate the bastard. You wish he had died, and now he doesn't.

17:20 Caller No, no, no, we had started to work through all that, and the lady killed him before we ever had a chance to get any closure, I should say.

17:30 Adam You mean the lady in the car?

17:32 Caller The lady in the car that hit him, yeah, she hit him head on and killed him.

17:37 Adam Well, let me ask a couple of good questions. Quite, what did he do to you that made you hate him?

17:46 Caller My mom gave me up to him when I was four, and I grew up in crack parties and orgies, and I knew how to cut his stuff and sell it for him. I mean, by the time I was five-

17:59 Drew You're an addict too, Val? You're an addict also?

18:02 Caller No, I've never touched the stuff. You've never done it? I had my moment with it when I was about 17, and realized I was going to be my father, and said, I've never touched the stuff again, and then I got my-

18:13 Adam Speed.

18:14 Drew Speed, and so you don't drink now?

18:16 Caller Oh no, my mom's the alcoholic. I leave that to her.

18:19 Adam All right, so Val, God bless you for having kids, by the way, being the world's angriest mom. Okay, here's this, you know, all right, now I'm not going to dig in on Val, because you've been through enough in her relatively short life, and by the way, she's 23, sounds like a Vietnam nurse in her 50s.

18:38 Drew You're gonna let me loosen this one.

18:40 Adam No, here's the dealio, your dad's a horrible guy, and your mom may be worse, and a lot of the anger you have toward your dad should also be heading toward your mom, who was the one who dumped you off with the drug addict biker, and went and chased her booze dreams and never dealt with you. I don't know, your dad probably was lucky to make it as far as he did in life. I mean, if he died at 45, that was probably old for him, considering the kind of life he was living.

19:10 Caller You know what I'm saying?

19:11 Adam And I don't know what kind of progress you're trying to make with him, but this is more about therapy for you. And go ahead, Drew.

19:19 Drew Drew's got about 10 things to say. One is Adam is absolutely right. He outlived his disease that has nothing to do with you. Number two, your dad was an absolute asshole. You wished him dead and he died. That must feel horrible. You wanted him dead and he died. Here's the reality about that relationship you were forming with him. It would not have gone anywhere. There is no way that would have gone anywhere but to more misery for you.

19:45 Adam How do you know?

19:46 Drew I know it because I'm talking to Val. I can tell what's going on with Val.

19:48 Adam Maybe he got sober and found Jesus Christ.

19:50 Drew It's not going anywhere because Val didn't do any work. She would have done a lot of work herself also to make that relationship work. That relationship was going nowhere. You wished him dead and he died and now you're guilty.

19:59 Adam She didn't wish him dead.

20:01 Drew Val, when you were a kid, you didn't wish your dad dead.

20:03 Caller Oh, I wished him dead to have him.

20:06 Drew And he died and you feel guilty and you feel as though somehow you had a responsibility in that regard. It has nothing to do with you. He died of his disease of addiction. That relationship you thought you were going to have with him was never going to be real, never going to be realized, never going anywhere. This has nothing to do with you. It's his disease. Take care of yourself. You've got a ton of crap you got to deal with. Let go of all this. You're just using it as an excuse to act out and the people you love.

20:29 Adam Cut it out, cut it out.

20:30 Drew It's not okay, Val.

20:32 Adam High horse, out of the barn.

20:33 Drew No, I know what this is. I've seen this a million times.

20:36 Caller And what happened?

20:37 Adam Was your dad sober?

20:39 Caller He had sobered up, but-

20:41 Drew No, I know what this is. He was just using a little less at this time. Val, cut it out. If you want some help, go to an Al Anon meeting, get a sponsor. But I suspect you're an addict yourself. You're acting like one.

20:54 Adam Who's the woman who hit him? What happened?

20:57 Caller The lady, her name was...

20:58 Adam I don't need her name.

21:00 Drew Just the lady driving by.

21:01 Adam I don't need her name, you idiot.

21:02 Drew Val, cut it out, cut it out.

21:03 Adam What was he, how come he hit her? Or she hit him?

21:07 Caller She hit him, she turned into him. She turned straight into him.

21:10 Drew Was she driving up above Franklin? Was there a no left turn sign there?

21:13 Adam All right, Val.

21:14 Caller It was just an open road.

21:16 Adam All right, so there you go.

21:19 Drew Listen, go to some meetings.

21:20 Adam All right, serve folks on your kid and go to Al Anon.

21:21 Drew Val, you're using this as an excuse to act out on your family and you cut it out. Come on, cut it out.

21:26 Adam All right, Drew, don't have any more kids.

21:28 Drew Okay, you can do better than this. His death had nothing to do with you, nothing. And that relationship you thought you were gonna have, you weren't gonna have anymore.

21:36 Adam No, well, with what, by the way?

21:39 Drew And between what?

21:41 Adam Yes, I'm sure he was a world class able, and this woman killed him.

21:46 Drew No.

21:46 Adam He killed himself. Yes, yes. All right, here's the thing too, everybody, listen.

21:51 Drew Val's an addict too, by the way.

21:53 Adam When all you have, when the only history you have with somebody is being part of their horrible lifestyle, where they're hedonistic lifestyle, where they're having orgies and doing speed and using you to step on their speed and sell it to their buddies. And God knows what his fellow biker buddies did with you when you were 13 and all this stuff. When this is your only relationship, no need to go back and patch it up. It's really like looking for a crap you took 20 years ago and seeing if you can make it, see if you can make it into a log cabin.

22:30 Caller What, what?

22:31 Adam It's nothing there. And then it's like, well, it's my dad.

22:34 Caller Okay, it's your dad. But what if the guy had just given you up for adoption?

22:38 Adam You know what I mean? When you're two weeks old, this is worse.

22:42 Caller Like here's what I'm saying.

22:43 Adam If your dad just cuts you, let's just say, all right, here's what I'm saying. Okay, listen to me, Drew. Let's just say the dad knocks up the mom and has never seen again. And the mom just raises the kid. Okay, the kid doesn't need to find the sperm donor. He knocked her up and left town. This is worse than that. He hung out and abused you for 15 years. You actually have less reason. At least the guy who left, at least that was his only screw up.

23:10 Drew And we're not saying don't give a guy in recovery a second chance, but he had two years of solid recovery under his belt and you would have to do a little work there. So he'd ask you to do some work yourself before he'd want you back in his life.

23:21 Adam But even then there isn't that much to uncover.

23:25 Drew Of the past is none.

23:27 Adam The past, it's all bad.

23:29 Drew Yeah, it's nothing. All right.

23:30 Adam People can go a little crazy with this blood thing. And the blood thing is good if the person acts like it.

23:37 Drew There's a fantasy, the child is so full of fantasy about who the parent is. The reality comes to bear, they want to recapture that fantasy. Well, that fantasy was just a fantasy. It wasn't really there in the first place.

23:47 Caller Drew's still angry about the ticket.

23:48 Drew Oh man, am I?

23:49 Adam Yeah.

23:50 Caller No, I'm just saying, your blood's your blood, great. But if your blood is-

23:53 Drew You think that's funny, Chris?

23:54 Adam Is, Chris is laughing. Are you high, son?

23:59 Drew Get officer, what's this guy's name?

24:00 Adam Drew's angry. He's just doing his job.

24:04 Caller Seal.

24:04 Adam These guys are out doing their best to stop another 9-11 from happening.

24:08 Caller Don't you worry, Drew.

24:09 Adam And don't question their techniques. If that means handing out tickets to doctors for chicken-esque violations, so be it. We don't know, we're not law enforcement personnel. We don't know how the techniques work.

24:18 Caller We cannot judge.

24:19 Adam I'm sure there's a method to their madness, Drew. Okay.

24:25 Drew All right.

24:25 Adam Oh, I think I said last night that Alanis Morissette may be in here tonight.

24:30 Drew I said it 20 minutes ago on the Strikers show.

24:31 Adam Oh, she's not in here.

24:32 Drew No, no.

24:33 Adam She's not under the desk?

24:34 Drew She's not coming?

24:37 Adam I don't think so. She's coming in, I think later on, maybe a couple of weeks from now. So we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

24:45 Hello, this is your radio.

24:51 Caller As many as one in three Americans with HIV don't know it. To find a testing location near you, call toll free 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

25:16 Adam That's Dr. Drew, consumer advocate, Dr. Drew. He's in your corner, everybody, he's fighting for you. Got himself a moving violation yesterday. He's got a chip on his shoulder. Yeah, he's angry, Drew is. He's reading about how to contest it. He's gonna write a letter. It's gonna be big, Drew. I'll tell you, you're gonna win. And you know what you're gonna win?

25:38 Drew Am I gonna win?

25:39 Adam Nothing. Okay, Drew, stop reading the tickets.

25:45 Drew I'm gonna judge Compton.

25:46 Adam That's not gonna do anything for you.

25:48 Drew Nothing.

25:49 Caller No.

25:49 Caller All right, you ready to move forward?

25:51 Caller Let's talk to Echo, who's 15. Echo?

25:56 Caller Yep.

25:57 Caller What's happening?

25:59 Caller I would like to say first that I love you guys, listen to you guys every night.

26:04 Caller Thanks.

26:06 Caller I met this guy at a bar and I'm 15 years old and I went to a bar and I met him and he's 24 and my ride dumped me there. So we went over to his house and had sort of a kissing thing and he was supposed to call me today and he didn't call. And I was wondering if I should go to his house and see what's up.

26:30 Drew Wait, wait, wait.

26:31 Adam Wait a minute, does he know how old you are?

26:33 Caller Yeah.

26:34 Adam He does.

26:35 Drew And how old was he again?

26:36 Adam 24.

26:37 Drew And you didn't have sex with him?

26:39 Caller No.

26:40 Adam What did you do with him?

26:41 Caller Just kissed him.

26:43 Caller All right.

26:44 Adam You went to his apartment?

26:46 Caller Yeah.

26:47 Drew Echo, here's the deal.

26:48 Adam You dodged your bullet.

26:49 Drew Oh, you should count your blessing that you weren't raped and dismembered.

26:53 Adam Yeah.

26:54 Drew That's what was gonna happen that night, but he had a weak moment. Do not go anywhere near this guy.

26:59 Adam At what point did he know you were 15?

27:02 Drew At the bar.

27:03 Adam At the bar. Wow, what a gentleman.

27:05 Drew Yeah.

27:06 Caller Well, he locked me home.

27:07 Drew Echo, what do you think this guy's about? He's a rapist.

27:11 Adam Well, he didn't do anything.

27:12 Caller He just made out a little.

27:13 Drew A 15-year-old.

27:15 Caller Hey, baby, take your retainer out.

27:16 Caller Make some room for my tongue.

27:20 Drew Echo, you don't even understand.

27:21 Adam What's going on with you, by the way? Boy, I'll tell you, your dad needs a nice iron boot to the sack.

27:30 Caller Shock.

27:30 Drew Never had one?

27:32 Caller I've never known him.

27:34 Adam Well, this is what happens.

27:35 Caller What about your mom?

27:38 Caller I have two moms.

27:39 Adam Oh, Lesbos?

27:41 Caller No, I was adopted by my grandmother.

27:44 Caller Yeesh. That's bad times.

27:47 Drew Your mom a drug addict?

27:48 Caller No. Well, she used to be, but she's not anymore.

27:52 Adam Listen, you're angry, you're acting out, and I don't know who's supposed to be supervising you. My grandma. You got two moms.

28:01 Drew Where's your mom now? Your real mom?

28:03 Caller She's watching TV.

28:05 Drew Why is the grandma watching you and not her?

28:09 Caller Huh?

28:10 Adam Why is your grandmother watching you and not your real mom?

28:13 Caller Because she adopted me. Because my mom couldn't take care of me.

28:17 Drew Why?

28:17 Adam I know, but now your mom's okay, right?

28:20 Caller I've tried to live with her, and she's just not.

28:23 Adam All right, so, Echo, here's the situation. You're angry, and rightfully so, and you're acting out, and you're gonna screw yourself up. I mean, you're gonna get pregnant, you're gonna get a venereal disease.

28:35 Drew You're getting into behavior, you're gonna get killed.

28:38 Adam You're gonna, or worse, you could become a publicist. You understand? Do you know what a publicist is, Sweet Pea? That that's an a-hole, mostly gay, who worked with celebrities and aren't celebrities, but think they're celebrities. It's horrible. They're horrible, horrible, wretched, horrible, awful people who, if they had a shred of dignity, would put a shotgun in their mouths. You could end up one of them. You understand? Okay, I don't want that to happen to you, or anyone. Really, for my sake, too, because they're so horrible. So Echo, get some therapy or something. I know you're angry, and I know you have to be angry all the time, and even when you call radio shows to talk to people, you have to pretend like we called you, because she's angry.

29:23 Drew How when people have a certain experience of life, when you ask a question about why things are so out of line, they're sort of bewildered.

29:30 Adam Yeah.

29:30 Drew Why did, you know, where's your real mom, huh? Why can't she take care of you?

29:34 Adam Your dad abandoned the family, your mom's an alcoholic or a drug addict, and you're raised by grandmother, probably trying to do the best she can, but let's not forget whose mom she is. She's either your dad's mom or your mom's mom. Mom's mom, and take a good look at mom. Yeah, maybe didn't do a spectacular job with mom.

29:54 Drew And yet strangely enough, no grandpa. Strangely enough.

29:59 Adam All right, now everyone's daddy, got the 24 year old guy. At least the guy didn't have sex with you, Echo. Why didn't the guy have sex with you?

30:08 Caller Well, we got to that point, but I said no.

30:10 Caller Oh, you didn't?

30:11 Drew And he didn't pull out a weapon or something?

30:13 Caller No, he respected it.

30:15 Drew Oh, yeah, it sounds very respectful. 24 year old with a 15 year old.

30:18 Caller Hey, you know, times are changing.

30:20 Drew Where's your grandpa?

30:21 Caller My grandpa? I don't have a grandpa.

30:24 Caller You got a crystal ball, buddy.

30:27 Adam I thought you just kissed the guy.

30:30 Caller Well, it was making out. We didn't go further than clothes taken off. Nothing like that.

30:38 Drew You didn't take clothes off or you didn't go further than clothes taken off?

30:41 Caller We didn't take clothes off.

30:42 Adam He's not going to call you A, because he probably sobered up and realized he doesn't want to go to jail. And B, you're in the ninth grade.

30:53 Drew C, again, he had a weak mama and you've been spared.

30:56 Adam All right. So you dodged a bullet. I know you're going to get into trouble. I don't know what to tell you. Just don't get pregnant. Can you go lesbian or something?

31:03 Caller No, I wouldn't do that.

31:05 Adam All right. Well, can you not get pregnant?

31:07 Caller I'm on the shot.

31:08 Adam Good. And how about you go to Allateen?

31:12 Caller What's that?

31:14 Adam Yeah.

31:14 Drew Go ahead.

31:15 Adam Go to Allateen.

31:16 Caller Can you do that?

31:17 Caller I have no clue what it is.

31:19 Drew Just call AA locally.

31:20 Adam Call AA.

31:21 Drew Referral to Allateen.

31:22 Caller Can you do that?

31:23 Caller I can.

31:24 Adam Do that, baby doll.

31:25 Caller All right.

31:26 Caller All right.

31:27 Adam That's gonna do it for you. That'll work.

31:30 Caller Thank you.

31:31 Caller Take care. Uh-uh.

31:33 Adam And look, this is why these parents need to be prosecuted because they create a mess. And our society is so goddamn stupid when it comes to this stuff that we, you know, we have, first off, we have all these platitudes. Like, why don't you just, you know, pick yourself up our bootstraps and get busy. Start focusing on our studies.

31:54 Drew Listen, I'm hearing stuff lately. We've gone so far backwards, like the last three months. I argue stuff on some of these cable news channels. They're just kids being kids. They're just kids being kids. Oh, kids have always done stuff like this.

32:05 Adam No, the difference between a 15 year old that has been properly taken care of, loved and nurtured by two heterosexual parents.

32:15 Drew Jumping off a roof into a swimming pool.

32:18 Adam And I'm not even talking, I don't care what the act is. Just that 15 year old and the 15 year old that had the abandoning father and the drug addict mom that was raised by the aunt or the grandma who was also the horrible crappy mom of the now junkie. Totally different person.

32:34 Drew Yeah.

32:34 Adam Totally different person. And telling that person, hey, let's go. Buckle down, focus on your studies and let's see if we can get you to college and then have a nice stable relationship.

32:45 Caller And don't have any kids before you're 25.

32:47 Adam It's like trying to get your dog to crap in the toilet.

32:50 Caller Come on, you're smart. Now you don't want to see your Duke on the nice Afghan rug there, do you, Bucky? Come on, use the bathroom, you see me?

32:57 Drew And you know what? What was our glass color's name?

33:00 Adam Echo.

33:01 Drew Echo, when you come at Echo with that kind of stuff, she hears exactly what the dog would hear when you're trying to get him not to crap on the floor, which is wah, wah.

33:08 Adam Right.

33:09 Drew That's all she hears.

33:10 Adam Charlie Brown's teacher. Now, it's not to say that Echo's a lost cause. It's just she's gonna require some therapy. She's gonna require some more.

33:21 Drew Well, but Adam, how dare you? She could just choose to get better. She should choose to not have these horrible people that choose to stay in school.

33:29 Caller Of course, of course.

33:31 Adam Well, you know, listen, if Nancy Reagan says, just say no, then Echo can just say, just say whatever she wants.

33:40 Caller Mom's a junkie.

33:41 Drew Everything in life is just a choice, choice.

33:43 Caller Don't do drugs.

33:44 Caller Yeah, that's right. Just don't do it. Come on, everybody.

33:48 Adam And as a society, I don't know why we have zero interest in this because these are the pregnant teens, these are the welfare moms, these are the physically abused battered wives, these are the horrible parents of the future, these are the criminals, these are the prostitutes. This is it, this is all of them.

34:06 Caller This is all the people that don't pay taxes, fill the prisons and fill the women's shelters. This is all of them. We don't want to focus on them or they're just the same as everyone else.

34:17 Adam Fantastic, all right, good.

34:21 Caller Anna?

34:22 Yeah, hi.

34:23 Caller Yeah, Bush will pray it away, he'll be fine.

34:27 Adam Go ahead, Anna, sorry.

34:28 Okay, I'm sorry, I just want to say thanks for, I don't know, I've grown up on you guys, I just feel like I've gotten through my adolescence like listening to you guys. I don't know, I just want to say thanks, anyway.

34:36 Adam Thanks, baby.

34:37 Drew Are you okay?

34:38 Yeah, yeah, I'm just kind of nervous, sorry. I just have a question about birth control. I've been on birth control or tertiary cyclone, actually now I'm taking a generic form of it for about four years, like kind of on and off, but more on and off, I guess. And I was just wondering, is it really bad if you take, if you sort of don't take it on the exact time that you did, like, I don't know, like sometimes I wait a couple hours because I get really sick when I first start taking like my new, like the first pills on the new pack.

35:09 Adam Hold on, Drew, hold on, Drew. It's time for an installment.

35:12 Caller It's a new show, a new installment.

35:14 Adam Chief Thunderbear.

35:16 Drew Oh, is he gonna answer this?

35:17 Adam American Indian gynecologist.

35:19 Drew Oh, wow.

35:20 Caller Yeah.

35:21 Drew I've been wanting to talk to him for a long time.

35:23 Adam Yeah, well, you're gonna-

35:23 Drew What a treat.

35:24 Adam He doesn't speak a word of English.

35:26 Drew No, I'll translate, it's fine.

35:27 Adam You speak Choctaw, yes?

35:29 Drew Choctaw, yeah.

35:30 Adam Yeah, okay, because that's the only language he speaks. So-

35:34 Drew I thought he spoke Quack-Hoodle, but okay, okay.

35:36 Adam Or maybe a little.

35:37 Caller I'm actually a little confused because I just, let me just stand back.

35:41 Caller Danna-che.

35:43 Drew Anna?

35:43 Yeah.

35:45 Caller Danna?

35:46 Drew Okay. About that birth control pill.

35:48 Yeah.

35:50 Caller Danna-wa-ha-che-ke-ya.

35:52 Drew First, I want to commend you for taking contraception. Thank you for not having kids.

35:55 Adam Nanna-ne-he-ke-ke-ke-cha-na-wa-ha-ya.

35:57 Drew Okay, I will, yes, I will, I will. He wants me to get right on with it.

36:00 Caller Danna.

36:01 Drew Yeah, Anna. Okay. The fact that you take the pill every day.

36:07 Caller Che-che, ma-ne-he-ke-he-ya-na-he-ke-ke-cha-na-wa.

36:11 Drew Chris, Chris, get, get, get to you some coffee.

36:14 Caller Tena-che.

36:15 Drew Right now. Tena-che. Right this second. Right now.

36:20 Nanna-he.

36:21 Drew Okay. The, the, you're concerned about taking the pill at the same time every day.

36:26 Caller Yeah.

36:36 Drew This doesn't translate directly to English, but he's sort of wondering who it is you're using the pill with.

36:43 Caller My boyfriend. I've been going out with him for about like two and a half years.

36:46 Drew He wants to know if he's a good guy.

36:47 Caller Nanna-he.

36:50 Drew And that relationship's going okay?

36:52 Caller Yeah. I mean, we have our problems, but I mean, overall, probably the best-

36:55 Drew What kind of problems?

36:56 Caller What kind of problems?

36:58 Caller Well, his family is kind of wacko. What do you mean? He's just kind of, he's had like a bad childhood and his family, as a consequence, obviously has had one, too.

37:11 Drew Listen to me, listen to me. More coffee, Chris, more coffee, quick. I know, I know, she can't make the coffee right now. Yeah I think Fantasia won. Okay, a few hours here or there is not going to make any difference. You don't have to worry about that. Really, if it's a different time of day, if one's in the morning, one's in the evening, it could make a difference. All the research is done on people doing it exactly at the same time. But the reality is a couple hours more or another doesn't make any difference. So say it to the chief.

38:12 Adam Yeah.

38:14 Drew And he blesses you and your family.

38:15 Caller And your boyfriend's family.

38:18 Drew And we'll watch out for that boyfriend with the abuse of the troubled past. He could be a little bit chaotic. Chris, you heard him.

38:38 Adam Well, he's out of the tree. Chief Thunderbear, gynecologist.

38:45 Caller Yeah.

38:46 Adam Yeah. He's got wears many hats, many headdresses.

38:49 Drew He had that huge bear head with the pelt going down his back.

38:54 Caller Maybe we'll come by.

38:55 Drew I love that heritage. I love that culture.

38:57 Adam Yeah.

38:58 Drew Very strong. Very spiritual people. Very spiritual people.

39:01 Adam We're going to take ourselves a little break. I'm going to get Chief Thunderbear some coffee, and we'll be right back after this. Guess how many terrific sense acts, deodorant, body spray comes in. No, it's more.

39:21 Caller No, more.

39:22 Drew Nine.

39:36 Caller Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

39:41 Drew The chief sure was sort of hostile at the coffee machine.

39:45 Adam Chief?

39:46 Drew Yeah.

39:46 Adam Well, Thunderbear?

39:48 Drew Yes.

39:49 Adam Yeah, he, well, first off, he's a very proud man.

39:53 Drew I guess that's it. He felt like he kind of, or Chris, I guess, really would put it back.

39:57 Adam Well, he clearly asked Chris to go get him a warm up on a number of occasions, and Chris sort of just...

40:02 Drew Just looked at him, scared. He probably was thought he was being insulted by that.

40:07 Adam It's a totally different culture. And yeah, Chris was scared and didn't know what to do. And I think Chief Thunderbear took that as a slight.

40:18 Caller Yeah, that's a true insult.

40:18 Caller All right, he seemed all right, though.

40:21 Adam We wish him well. He's mounted his Pinto Bearback, and he's now heading for the reservation.

40:29 Caller So, well, we may have a talk to him tomorrow night.

40:32 Adam And who knows?

40:33 Drew He may be a regular on the show.

40:34 Caller He may be a regular.

40:35 Adam And, you know, last night, he was a psychologist. He was a therapist.

40:38 Drew That was a different guy.

40:40 Caller Different guy.

40:41 Drew That was not the same guy.

40:42 Adam American Indian therapist. I mean, the guy, the kind of college.

40:44 Drew Was that the same guy?

40:46 Adam Who knows this guy? How many hats this guy wears?

40:49 Drew I guess the shaman job is a little more protein.

40:53 Adam More protein.

40:55 Caller Yvonne?

40:57 Adam Year 23?

40:59 Caller What's up, baby doll?

41:01 Caller I have a kind of a weird question. I was molested by my dad when I was 11.

41:14 Adam Started at 11? And he was around you for the 11 years before that?

41:19 Drew Yes. Quaint.

41:21 Adam This just seems like, maybe there could have been some thoughts when he had a girl like, okay, I'm going to get her one day. But by the time her seventh birthday passed, he meant that sort of gets thrown on.

41:33 Drew Here's where my head goes with that. A, there was another one that he was working on before. Or B, his alcoholism got to the point where it started happening.

41:42 Adam Do you have another sister or brother?

41:44 Caller No, I have a brother, but I don't think anything happened to him ever.

41:49 Adam And was he an alcoholic your dad?

41:53 Drew No, I don't know what happened.

41:54 Adam A drug addict?

41:55 Caller No, at least not that I know of.

42:01 Adam Okay, so at age 11, what did he start doing?

42:06 Caller Just, you know, just random touching. I mean, and never went past like sex or anything.

42:11 Drew Past like sex.

42:13 Adam I mean, never turned into sex.

42:14 Caller No.

42:15 Adam No intercourse, but some grabbing and goosing. And he was sober when he did this.

42:21 Drew Yeah.

42:21 Caller Hold on a second. Maybe you're right. Line five, maybe the left up line.

42:27 Drew Yeah.

42:27 Caller Maybe that's it.

42:29 Drew The other ones do it a little bit, but five doesn't look crazy.

42:31 Adam Are you sure you're not just one of those test pigeons who's trying to pick some sort of rhythm to something that's.

42:37 Drew Could be. Listen, trust me.

42:38 Caller All right, keep an eye, though.

42:40 Adam You did mention five before.

42:41 Caller She said yes, by the way, by the sober.

42:44 Caller All right.

42:45 Adam We can't hear her. Line five's a little screwy. She's in and out. So anyway, Yvonne.

42:49 Caller Yep.

42:50 Adam OK, so he did this for how long?

42:54 Caller About till I was 14.

42:56 Drew What is your question?

42:57 Caller My question is this. It's not really a question. I'm kind of freaking out about this because my brother and his fiance, she's pregnant. And they're planning on moving into the house. And in about two weeks, they're going to find out the sex of the baby. And I'm kind of freaking out that it might be a girl, and the same thing might happen to her.

43:17 Drew Why don't you tell your sister-in-law?

43:20 Adam Brother's gonna get weird.

43:21 Drew Your brother will get weird, but tell the sister-in-law because she will not let this happen. Well, how about, unless your brother was abused and this woman was abused.

43:28 Adam They're moving into the house. So you got that white trash thing going on. What's up with your brother? They just got a wife and he's a kid and they're moving home?

43:36 Caller They're trying to finish school. And they're gonna live at home for a while with the baby.

43:47 Adam And where's your mom?

43:48 Caller Is she around?

43:49 Caller Yes.

43:50 Caller What if...

43:51 Adam Have you ever told your mom about this?

43:53 Caller No. Well, I wrote her a letter once, but... Mom won't put it in the project. I never gave it to her.

44:01 Adam You never gave it to her?

44:03 Caller No.

44:04 Adam You think your mom's in denial or do you think she knows anything?

44:07 Caller I don't think she knows anything.

44:09 Caller Why don't you tell your mom?

44:11 Caller I couldn't do that.

44:13 Caller I'm not going to try talking to that.

44:16 Adam How about your brother? Can you tell him or do you think he'd freak?

44:19 Caller No, he would freak.

44:22 Drew Sister-in-law. Because the mom will protect the child. Unless your brother...

44:28 Caller I still live at home also.

44:30 Drew Yvonne, tell your sister-in-law.

44:31 Caller Here's what's going to happen, though.

44:33 Adam She's going to tell the sister-in-law. Sister-in-law is going to tell the brother. The brother is going to freak on Yvonne and it's going to turn into a cluster act. Are you out of the house?

44:44 Caller No, I'm still at home.

44:48 Caller What 23?

44:50 Adam Sorry, Chris. Sorry. That must have hurt. That's uncomfortable.

44:56 Caller What are you doing?

44:57 Adam And by the way, why is it the average girl that wasn't molested moves out at 19 and a half and the average person that was molested stays till 28?

45:06 Drew Yeah, isn't that the craziness?

45:08 Adam Yeah, that's the molester you're living with.

45:10 Caller Uh-oh.

45:12 Adam Uh-oh, maybe Chris was molested.

45:15 Caller All right.

45:16 Adam Yvonne, can you move out of the house?

45:19 Caller I actually tried, but it never kind of worked out before. I really can't afford it right now.

45:25 Adam Who cares? Oh, hold on. You can't afford not to.

45:29 Caller No, I know.

45:30 Caller Do you have any friends?

45:33 Caller Okay, doesn't one of them want an apartment?

45:35 Caller Get a job. What are you doing?

45:37 Adam Junior college?

45:39 Caller Full time.

45:41 Caller Full time.

45:41 Caller Get a friend. Get an apartment.

45:43 Adam Get out of there.

45:43 Caller All right.

45:46 Adam Look, look, everybody, here's the deal. You cannot open up this can under the same roof you're living in.

45:55 Drew So the point Adam's making is you need to tell the sister-in-law, but first, get out of the house.

45:59 Adam Yeah. And by the way, you really want to live in the house at 23 with a brother, with the diddler on the roof.

46:06 Drew You've been with the perpetrator. You've been.

46:11 Adam If I was, ironically, not Jews. No way. Here's the deal, though. You don't want to be. Yeah. You got a crappy mom. You got a crappy dad. Now you've got a loser brother and his white trash girlfriend.

46:23 Drew Where is the little girl I did all?

46:26 Adam You're going to have these. The kid's going to be crying all night.

46:29 Drew You just don't stay in a house with the perpetrator. It's horrible for you, Yvonne, psychologically. Get out of there.

46:34 All right.

46:34 Adam Then tell your brother or tell your sister-in-law. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

46:40 Here it is. Bottom line, it sucks being single today. Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

46:46 Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

46:54 Love Line will be right back.

46:55 Caller So get your problems ready. Ready. This hour brought to you in part by Axe. Experience the Axe Effect.

47:29 Adam Hey everybody, it's Love Line, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

47:33 Caller Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

47:36 Adam So I had my girl call Drew today, try to score some drugs from him.

47:41 Drew I gave you what you needed for the trip.

47:43 Adam Some sleeping pills.

47:44 Drew I did.

47:44 Adam Want a little Valium, too. Yeah, what's up?

47:47 Drew What's up, what's up, what's up? You want Valium on Valium?

47:51 Adam What about some Valium?

47:52 Caller You got sleeping medicine.

47:54 Drew You use the sleeping pills, you'll be fine.

47:55 Adam And they're not sleeping medicine, they're downers.

47:58 Caller What's the worst thing that could happen?

48:00 Adam Yeah, what am I gonna do?

48:01 Caller Drew, you know I'm a heavyweight.

48:03 Adam You've seen me on a ambient in Four Bloody Marys doing fine.

48:06 Drew And I've seen your wife on a speck of advantage, like, holding court.

48:11 Adam I know.

48:11 Drew So I don't want her getting into it.

48:13 Caller Don't worry about her.

48:14 Drew I want you feeding it to her.

48:15 Adam I can handle her.

48:16 Drew You got what you need.

48:17 Adam Come on, how about some Valium? Listen, I'll just go to Dr. Marcel.

48:20 Caller He's the candy man.

48:21 Drew That's fine, that's good.

48:22 Caller He's the candy man.

48:23 Drew That's good times.

48:24 Caller Don't make me score with Marcel.

48:25 Drew You're welcome, too. I have no problem with that.

48:27 Caller Come on, just give it to me, buddy. I come over to your house, you know, I look at your closet.

48:32 Drew Hesitate, yacha.

48:33 Caller Jesus Christ, I can't get, he doesn't give me refills on my drugs or anything.

48:38 Adam Come on, Drew. If I was gonna have a problem, I would have had it by now. Oh yeah.

48:44 Caller Come on, I wanna try some Valium.

48:48 Drew So you want it for a recreation while you're in Europe?

48:53 Adam No, I'm taking a trip. I got a 14-hour plane ride.

48:57 Caller Yeah, but I don't wanna go to sleep. I just wanna mellow out. What do you mean?

49:00 Drew Take the Ambient, fine. Seriously, I've seen you on Ambient. It just mellows you out.

49:03 Caller What about the Valium, though?

49:05 Caller That could be different.

49:05 Adam That's different. See, the Ambient will put you to sleep.

49:08 Caller The Valium, that mellow you're seeing.

49:11 Drew Aside from that, the Ambient has lesser addictive potential, though some. Ooh, ooh, you can do worse at being in the Valium. It's great for flight, for travel, because it makes it amnestic. Time goes very fast on that medicine.

49:22 Adam Valium.

49:23 Drew No.

49:23 Adam That'll mellow your head.

49:28 Drew Whatever, whatever. Call myself.

49:28 Adam How dare you? How dare you? How dare you?

49:32 Drew Yeah, how dare me?

49:32 Adam How dare you? I was, I put my neck out by having my assistant call you. And I got-

49:42 Drew You should have heard the order too, it was bizarre.

49:44 Caller Well, I never-

49:45 Drew Adam Corolla's calling. He wants Ambien and Valium or Ativan.

49:51 Caller Yeah.

49:51 Drew It's like, would he like some heroin too while he's at it?

49:54 Caller They don't have pharmaceutical heroin, do they?

49:56 Drew You're right, I could stay with the Oxycontin, I'm sorry.

49:59 Caller But they have pharmaceutical Coke?

50:00 Caller You have a liquid version of Coke that you could score me?

50:03 Adam All right, look, I want a Valium, is that insanity?

50:07 Caller I want a, here's why I want one.

50:09 Drew Call myself-

50:09 Adam I want a Quaalude too.

50:10 Caller Yeah. Do they do Quaaludes?

50:12 Caller Are they still doing Quaaludes?

50:13 Adam I never did a Quaalude.

50:14 Drew You're gonna be in Europe, you can get stuff off the shelf there.

50:16 Adam All right, listen, here's what, I got a 14 hour plane ride.

50:20 Drew Why so long, by the way? It's not that long to Italy. You gotta fly somewhere.

50:25 Adam Wait, you gotta fly LA to Paris or something. That's a good 12 hours, right there. Well, here's the math. No, no, here's what I know. It takes about six hours to get from LA to New York. It takes about six hours to get from New York to Paris.

50:48 Caller Yeah.

50:48 Caller I don't think it's the same.

50:49 Caller I did it a year and a half ago.

50:51 Adam I know you fly the Concorde from New York to Paris. You get there in three hours. But.

50:57 Drew Really?

50:58 Adam Yeah, it's like six hours LA to the East Coast, and then it's another six hours East Coast to Europe. And then, so anyway, you go.

51:06 Drew I thought it was about 10 hours to Paris.

51:08 Adam Well, I don't know, depending on the Gulf Stream or whatever, but it's about, pull up the map there. Let's find out how far it is. Anyway, you go LA to Paris. I guess it matters what direction you're flying. And it might be faster on the way back, like LA., like New York is faster back from LA. That's probably about 11, 12 hours on the way there. And then it's two hours from there to Italy.

51:31 Caller I'm gonna catch a buzz, you know what I'm saying? Put my feet up.

51:36 Adam Watch the same DVD on the way there and on the way back.

51:39 Caller You know what I'm saying? And then watch it again when I get home.

51:42 Adam I have no idea.

51:42 Drew You're gonna be able to do that, boy.

51:45 Caller I just wanted to try a little Valium.

51:46 Adam You never know. Some stuff works.

51:48 Caller Some stuff doesn't work. Or Ativan.

51:51 Adam Now what's the difference between Ativan and Valium?

51:53 Drew Same family of medicine.

51:55 Caller Ativan is kinda, I've tried them.

51:57 Drew It's like, Valium's the same.

51:59 Adam Yeah, but it's got a little more punch.

52:02 Drew Little more of, some people describe a little more of a euphoric quality, perhaps.

52:07 Adam Perhaps?

52:08 Drew A lot of people like that Ativan.

52:09 Adam Here's all I'm saying. A lot of people like the Oxycontin stuff and the painkillers and that kind of stuff. I tried them, don't do anything. It's important to find out what works on you. Is it not? Is it not?

52:21 Drew For what?

52:22 Adam What works on you?

52:23 Drew For what purpose?

52:24 Adam Yeah, I got 12 hour plane flight.

52:27 Caller You want to mellow out.

52:28 Caller See what I'm saying?

52:30 Caller Valium could be my drug.

52:33 Adam Listen, Drew, if I had a problem, I would have had it by now.

52:35 Caller You see what I'm saying?

52:37 Adam When's the last time I bugged you for some, for some downers?

52:40 Caller Today, Thursday.

52:42 Caller I'm sorry. Please.

52:43 Adam I'll go to Dr. Marcello.

52:45 Caller I've got a candy man.

52:47 Adam He's probably in a tanning booth right now. Let's call him.

52:51 Caller Don't do drugs.

53:03 Adam Chris, how many miles from New York to Paris? Yeah, I know you don't know.

53:10 Caller That's what I'm telling you.

53:10 Adam Look it up on the computer. Parker.

53:14 Caller Yes.

53:14 Adam What's up?

53:16 Caller All right.

53:18 Adam What's up?

53:21 Drew You've been waiting a long time for this.

53:23 Adam I know, that's it. 87 minutes.

53:25 Caller Well, wait a little longer.

53:28 Adam Miranda? You're 18? What's up, baby doll?

53:34 Caller I was molested and raped and abused my whole childhood.

53:39 Adam You were molested and raped your whole childhood?

53:42 Caller Yeah, and I was abused by my dad and my mom. Well, she didn't do nothing, but she didn't stop my dad. She was a drug addict and my dad was an alcoholic.

53:54 Adam And your dad sexually abused you?

53:56 Caller Yeah. All right, and I have, well, I got adopted. My dad killed my mom and then he had an overdose on heroin.

54:05 Drew They both died?

54:06 Caller So I was adopted when I was 14.

54:09 Drew They both died?

54:10 Caller Yeah.

54:10 Drew How old were you when they were both gone?

54:12 Adam 14.

54:12 Caller I was 14. And I was in the house and like they would always like lock me in a room, you know, and stuff, so.

54:20 Adam And your dad, did you, were you there when your dad killed your mom?

54:25 Caller How'd he kill her? He was protecting me because he wanted to come in and he just wanted to kill everybody. And like she more or less protected me because I was her baby, you know?

54:36 Adam Yeah.

54:37 Caller So I was.

54:38 Adam And then he killed your mom in front of you?

54:41 Caller Yeah.

54:43 Adam Really?

54:44 Caller Well, more or less like the door was kind of open and then I saw her in the hallway and yeah, it just all.

54:51 Adam Did the police come?

54:53 Caller Yeah, and then they got me out of the house and I got adopted.

54:56 Drew And did he immediately shoot himself with heroin?

54:59 Caller Well, he was on heroin when it happened and then the police came and he was already dead in the hallway. So I just stayed in the room and I was like on my bed, you know, and I don't know. And then I got adopted.

55:09 Caller Hold on, hold on.

55:10 Caller I don't understand.

55:11 Adam The cops came, he killed there, then the cops came soon shortly thereafter, then how do you OD on heroin and maybe he's already high on heroin?

55:20 Caller Did he die? Did he die?

55:22 Caller Who are we just talking to? Miranda. Oh, man, I screwed that up.

55:29 Adam Miranda, did he die that day?

55:30 Caller Yeah, he died before the cops got here.

55:33 Caller Oh, before the cops.

55:34 Caller Yeah, and then the cops came and they got me out of the house.

55:37 Drew How long were you on your bed by yourself?

55:39 Caller For about an hour. And well, I got adopted when I was 14 and I mean, my life is great now. I wouldn't change it, but me and my boyfriend, I've been going out with him for about a year and I just, I like put up a wall where I just won't, like we have sex and I just cry afterwards.

55:57 Caller Of course.

55:59 Caller So and I was just wondering how I can-

56:00 Caller I gotta finish.

56:02 Drew What kind of guy, first of all, what kind of guy is this guy? Your current boyfriend?

56:05 Caller Yeah, he's my boyfriend.

56:06 Drew What kind of guy is he?

56:08 Caller He's really sweet. He's, I don't know, like he hasn't done anything wrong to me.

56:12 Drew He's not a drug addict, he doesn't abuse you.

56:14 Caller No, he's a pretty good boy.

56:16 Drew And you don't cheat on him?

56:17 Caller No, I'm, I don't know. I just barely had sex with him not long ago.

56:22 Drew I consider this a miracle.

56:24 Caller Yeah, me too.

56:24 Drew A miracle. Miranda, God bless you that you can have a relationship with a good guy, not sabotage it, not choose a guy who's abusive or an addict himself. So what if you have a little bit of emotional outburst and you push him away physically? You've been through more than, I think almost anyone I've ever spoken to. And you're talking to somebody.

56:44 Adam Other than me, because my dad misses Pop Warner football games.

56:47 Drew Yeah, that was tough.

56:47 Adam It still haunts me.

56:48 Drew But Miranda, this is, and you know, you're talking to here people that listen to stuff all night long and you've really gone through something.

56:55 Adam You must've gotten some therapy though, right?

57:00 Drew Well, you're taking advantage of it. You're doing what, using what's available there.

57:04 Adam That's right.

57:05 Drew That, ladies and gentlemen, that's what, even in the most extraordinary, extraordinarily traumatizing circumstances, actually taking advantage of therapy, using the tools, doing the work, you get a Miranda.

57:19 Adam Yeah, I got to believe Miranda had a genetic superiority. I don't know what you want to call it, but some people are genetically more even keeled.

57:30 Drew Well, some people talk about a resiliency factor that has partly genetic and then partly the first couple of years of life are so healthy in terms of their attachment relationships.

57:39 Adam Chris, how many miles?

57:41 Drew Use the mic, please.

57:43 Caller Still on it?

57:45 Adam I could have paced it off by now. And it's an ocean.

57:49 Caller Come on, buddy.

57:50 Adam How many miles?

57:51 Drew Concentrate.

57:52 Adam Focus now.

57:54 Drew Let's talk to the mic. We can't hear you.

57:56 Adam I don't want to talk.

57:57 Caller Don't talk into the mic. Okay, talk into the mic, but have the mic.

58:00 Drew I'm on it.

58:00 Adam All right, talk to the mic, but have the mic shut off.

58:03 Drew No, no, I gotta hear you. Okay.

58:05 Caller He's on it.

58:08 Adam It's 3000 miles, I think.

58:10 Caller Yeah.

58:11 Drew Pull up a map. I have a 2700 or something.

58:15 Caller Violet. Yeah.

58:17 Adam And what's, is New York 3000 miles from LA or is it?

58:19 Drew 3700, yeah.

58:20 Adam Oh, it's above 3000.

58:22 Drew I think, yeah.

58:23 Adam What's up, Violet?

58:26 Caller Well, I guess my question is for Dr. Drew. I'm anorexic bulimic, and I've been in treatment before, and I've been out for about two months or so.

58:36 Drew How long were you in treatment for?

58:38 Caller I was only there for a month.

58:41 Drew It was an inpatient treatment?

58:42 Caller Yeah.

58:43 Drew Did they advise you to have some outpatient treatment afterwards? Why did you do that? Yeah.

58:51 Caller No, no, I have been, and mainly I've been using my outpatient therapy as just for some trauma therapy with EMDR.

58:59 Drew You're doing EMDR, but that's the eye movement thing where they try to...

59:03 Caller Oh, really?

59:04 Caller Oh, that one.

59:06 Caller How does that one work?

59:07 Adam Hold on.

59:08 Drew Nobody really knows. I'm just theory.

59:10 Caller But how do they do it?

59:11 Adam And it's new, right? It's a new therapy.

59:13 Drew Yeah, it's a technique. It's a specific technique.

59:15 Adam What does it look like?

59:16 Drew I think they sort of have you look at a particular spot and they have a certain way of telling you to move your eyes.

59:21 Adam Is it room dark?

59:23 Drew Ask Violet. No, she did it. And then they evoke feelings while you're talking about things.

59:29 Adam Violet? How's that EMDR thing work?

59:32 Drew EMDR.

59:33 Adam EMDR.

59:36 Caller You can put headphones on and listen to bilateral beeping and it stimulates nerves in your brain to shoot out neurons to special places in your brain. It can process traumatic and stressful memories. So you can sort of get over them. But they also do tapping. They tap you on your knees, left, right, left, right.

59:58 Drew And you look, do you move your eyes to where they're tapping?

1:00:02 Caller That will, you do the eye movement. If you put on the headphones and you look at a screen in front of you and you follow the dots.

1:00:10 Adam Is it dark? Do they put you under a hood?

1:00:12 Caller They dim the lights. They dim the lights.

1:00:14 Caller They dim the lights. And did it work?

1:00:16 Caller Yeah, it works. It really does work. A woman found out, she invented it by, she would walk every day and talk with her friends and she noticed by walking.

1:00:26 Adam How'd she invent it? She would walk every day?

1:00:28 Caller She was walking left and right and looking down on her feet. She noticed as she was walking and watching her feet walk left and right, she could process traumatic thoughts and she started to actually get better.

1:00:40 Adam Interesting. So.

1:00:43 Drew It's something, we don't know what it is.

1:00:45 Adam And it didn't work or did, and this could be used, this could be used for drugs, for eating disorders.

1:00:50 Caller It's trauma.

1:00:51 Adam It's all trauma. But what about the cause of some of these, you know, drugs or eating disorders?

1:00:56 Drew Oh, listen, they all have trauma history, so this could be very important.

1:00:59 Adam Could be applied to a lot of things. So Violet, you did the EMDR thing. It seemed to work.

1:01:06 Caller I mean, but that wasn't directly for my eating disorder.

1:01:09 Drew Right, eating disorder is a separate treatment. Now again, my point though was, didn't they recommend an outpatient program for you?

1:01:15 Caller Yeah.

1:01:16 Drew And why didn't you do that?

1:01:18 Caller Well, I haven't been going back to my psychiatrist because she's been threatening me with hospitalization again. And basically my parents don't want to pay for it.

1:01:29 Drew Violet, I'm going to ask you now for about the fourth time. They recommended an outpatient program. Well, that's what you needed. If you don't get the adequate dose of treatment for your severe eating disorder, it's going to relapse. That's just the way things are. So it's a medical model. It needs a certain amount.

1:01:46 Adam How about OA?

1:01:48 Drew Yeah, OA, the 12-step would be helpful for her. And the EMDR is good and she's seeing her psychiatrist and you need to follow directions, Violet. These people are not making casual recommendations. This is the dose you need to get better.

1:01:59 Adam Well, what's up with their parents? And that's the reason she has eating disorder in the first place.

1:02:01 Drew Of course, of course, yes.

1:02:03 Adam Chris.

1:02:05 Drew Microphone.

1:02:06 Adam Yeah, shut the mic off and then talk into it.

1:02:09 I checked MapQuest and doesn't have it yet.

1:02:12 Drew MapQuest? I'm not sure if MapQuest is intercontinental travel.

1:02:15 Caller I'm driving to Paris.

1:02:17 No, no, no, I know, but it'll check, you know, Paris too.

1:02:21 Drew Really?

1:02:21 Adam No. By the way, I'd like to see the MapQuest. From here to Paris.

1:02:25 They only have United States and Canada as well.

1:02:29 Drew Do LA New York, so you can at least find the miles.

1:02:31 Adam Get on to Venice, on to Venice, .2 miles, right to 10, on to 10, westbound, 7,500 miles. Overbridge has not yet been built. All right, come on, buddy. Let's go now. Let's go, let's break it down.

1:02:52 Caller Let's go, buddy, focus now.

1:02:54 Adam Hey, hey, Chris, that helmet, it's not a chair. All right, gentlemen, I use that term loosely when I say gentlemen, because you're not gentlemen.

1:03:03 Caller Yeah, all right.

1:03:05 Adam You know, the other good thing to do when you're a coach and you gotta deal with like 11-year-old boys, compare them to women all the time. Okay, ladies, all right. And this is a good one too. I used to have my coach, Mr. Gallagher, used to do this where they do... My daughter Kelly's nine-year-old gymnastics team does more push-ups than you guys. And I was always like, oh. I remember that was a fire that was put under you when you were 11.

1:03:34 Drew That's a nice sort of value to stick in those young males' hair. Like anything female is demeaning.

1:03:40 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:03:41 Drew In fact, it's the lowest comment we can make about you.

1:03:44 Adam Really, if you wanna get a 11-year-old boy motivated, just tell him about the ladies. And by the way, not a whole lot of difference between the 11-year-old boy and the 11-year-old girl.

1:03:55 Drew Except the girls run faster.

1:03:56 Adam Yeah, they run a little faster, and now the guys might be able to do two more push-ups. But other than that, it's a dead heat. Yeah. All right, let's hop back to the phones. Brandy? You're 21?

1:04:11 Drew I think I need to go over to the computer screen.

1:04:13 Adam Go over to the computer, because there's smoke coming out of Chris's ears. Drew's gonna go over there.

1:04:18 Caller Brandy?

1:04:19 Adam I want you to know, you have the number two white trash name of all time.

1:04:26 Caller Number one is Cammie. Cammie is number one.

1:04:30 Adam Brandy number two.

1:04:32 Caller Tammy number three.

1:04:34 Is that a compliment?

1:04:37 Caller No.

1:04:37 Okay, great.

1:04:38 Caller And it depends.

1:04:39 Adam It moves around a little. Sometimes Brandy overtakes Cammie. Other times, Tammy replaces Brandy.

1:04:47 Caller Does it matter how it's spelled?

1:04:50 Adam No.

1:04:51 Not at all.

1:04:51 Adam No, because it evokes the same feelings. We don't see the spelling. We just hear it.

1:04:57 What are those feelings like?

1:04:58 Adam We just, I think El Camino up on blocks, chick drinking, wine coolers down by the quarry.

1:05:07 Car farming, you know?

1:05:09 Adam Yeah, white trash. What's up?

1:05:13 I just had a question about oral sex and canker sores as opposed to like herpes simplex.

1:05:21 Drew That is a herpes virus.

1:05:23 Adam Everything's herpes according to Drew. Look, here's the deal.

1:05:26 Drew Typically.

1:05:26 Adam If I burnt you with my cigarette on your chin, it's herpes, according to Drew.

1:05:32 Well, I've read that actually canker sores is actually like an ulcer, as in like an ulcer that you would have in your stomach.

1:05:38 Drew No, ulcer is exactly what a herpes is.

1:05:42 Right.

1:05:42 Drew Yeah, that's what herpes causes, ulcers.

1:05:45 Adam Canker sores are herpes, and herpes are ulcers.

1:05:48 Drew Ulcers means a crater-like erosion in the mucosal surface, and it can be caused by an erosion of the bicarbonate protective layer in the stomach, so acids come in, cause an ulcer, or they can be caused by a virus. There you go. You got a viral ulcer.

1:06:04 Okay, so canker sores are actually a viral ulcer.

1:06:07 Drew Absolutely.

1:06:07 And they're viral, which means they can be spread.

1:06:10 Drew Correct, and you can't really tell what kind you've got. But if you have an outbreak, you shouldn't be giving oral sex.

1:06:16 Caller Right. That's what I figured as much. Now, I have to admit that I have probably on occasion given oral sex when I've had canker sores.

1:06:26 Drew That's how herpes gets transmitted.

1:06:28 Caller Okay, so then because of that, if I had my boyfriend go down on me when he had a canker sore, there's a chance that I could have herpes.

1:06:36 Adam Yes, yeah, let me say this. When you guys have the sores, best not to be giving each other oral pleasure.

1:06:45 Caller Right.

1:06:45 Drew That's it, period.

1:06:48 Caller I just wanted to make sure I wasn't sure.

1:06:50 Adam Use the hand and a copious amount of water soluble lube and he'll be happy. All right, baby doll. All right, good times.

1:06:59 Drew This is not easy to find this. Really?

1:07:01 Caller 3,635 miles.

1:07:03 Drew To New York. I'm trying to get it straight to Paris. From, yeah, Paris to New York.

1:07:07 Caller From Paris, 3,635 miles.

1:07:11 Adam Thank you, Anderson.

1:07:11 Drew And how about to LA, New York? Okay, well, we know that's, I'll get that, I'll get that.

1:07:17 Adam 3,200. All right, thank you, Anderson. I told you it was smart, Drew.

1:07:23 Drew Yeah.

1:07:23 Adam You wouldn't listen, so he's arguing.

1:07:25 Drew Hey, listen, he just told me I had to write in to get my ticket taken care of.

1:07:28 Caller Yeah. I'm very happy.

1:07:29 Adam All right, let's take a break.

1:07:31 Caller All right.

1:07:32 Adam Drew's buried in the computer. Look, first off, you're telling me a second ago when I was telling you it was a 12-hour flight. Yeah. No, you said it was more like eight or nine hours. Here's the thing. It's further from New York to Paris than it is from Los Angeles.

1:07:53 Caller That's 2,462 hours.

1:07:56 Caller That's 2,462.

1:08:00 Drew It seems too little.

1:08:01 Adam It seems a little short, but is it really over 1,000 miles further?

1:08:07 Drew That's what the site says.

1:08:08 Adam All right, I'll buy it.

1:08:09 Drew What site do you want?

1:08:10 Adam Thanks Anderson. I'm smarterthanyou.com. Let's take ourselves a little break. Drew, that's enough of the computer.

1:08:18 Caller We'll be right back after this.

1:08:25 Adam Drew, what are women most attracted to?

1:08:27 Caller Confident guys.

1:08:29 Adam That's right. You can't buy that confidence.

1:08:31 Caller At least you couldn't until now.

1:08:32 Drew What do we got?

1:08:33 Adam You got Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

1:08:35 Drew Oh my God.

1:08:36 Adam Spray that on. It's like slathering on the confidence. Hey y'all, it's The Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Well, 10 hours and 40 minutes from Los Angeles to De Gaulle in France and 3,600 miles from New York to Paris.

1:09:03 Caller And 2,400 from LA to New York. Seems short, but I buy it. All right.

1:09:10 Adam Now we settled that.

1:09:12 Drew Oh, wait, let's.

1:09:14 Caller And it's.

1:09:15 Drew Double check it.

1:09:17 Adam Ah, Kelly Works for American Airlines knows exactly the mileage.

1:09:23 Caller Kelly.

1:09:25 Adam What's happening, Perky?

1:09:28 Caller No, I just got off work.

1:09:30 Caller Uh-huh.

1:09:31 Adam And what do you do for American Airlines?

1:09:33 Caller I work for reservations.

1:09:35 Caller Uh-huh.

1:09:37 Caller All right.

1:09:37 Adam So you know the mileage from Los Angeles to Paris?

1:09:42 Caller Yeah, I just called to double check it for you.

1:09:47 Caller You want the exact amount?

1:09:49 Caller Yeah.

1:09:50 Caller 3,452.

1:09:52 Caller 3,452, which is not from Los Angeles to Paris.

1:09:59 Caller Oh, no.

1:10:00 Caller I'm sorry, JFK.

1:10:02 Caller To Paris.

1:10:03 Caller I looked at the wrong thing.

1:10:05 Adam That's all right. That's from JFK to Paris.

1:10:08 Caller Yeah.

1:10:08 Adam And then what about Los Angeles to JFK? I don't know the exact number.

1:10:13 Caller All right.

1:10:14 Caller I think it's a pretty good number.

1:10:21 Adam Other than we did... We did shave almost 200 miles off the...

1:10:24 Caller Off of that one.

1:10:26 Adam Then that's actually making a little more sense. Back to the phones, we go. I'll speak to Parker, who's 23.

1:10:34 Caller Parker?

1:10:35 Hi there.

1:10:36 Adam What's up?

1:10:39 I've got a 36-year-old girlfriend that's starting to have a little stronger feelings for me. And then I'm having for her.

1:10:51 Drew How long have you been dating her?

1:10:53 A little over a month.

1:10:56 Drew Maybe it's time to call it quits. It's kind of back on out.

1:11:02 She's a good girl. I like hanging out with her.

1:11:06 Drew Then why are you calling?

1:11:07 Adam And by the way, I can't believe she got to be some kind of desperate to be in the Parker. He must be some good looking guy.

1:11:20 Drew It's funny. I would just have the voice, you don't get encumbered by any of that stuff.

1:11:22 Yeah.

1:11:23 Caller Oh my gosh. Sounds like a 10 watt bulb.

1:11:27 Drew Parker.

1:11:28 Caller Yes. All right.

1:11:29 Adam It says here she has a son.

1:11:30 Caller Daughter.

1:11:32 Adam She has a daughter and she's 36 and you're 23.

1:11:39 Caller And she's moving in.

1:11:40 Adam Is that a deal breaker for you? The age difference?

1:11:46 Caller Actually generally I've dated people, girls that have been like one or two years different for me.

1:11:51 Drew Parker, can you be quiet for one second?

1:11:54 Adam It's calling from a bird sanctuary.

1:11:55 Caller Hang on.

1:11:59 Caller That's nice.

1:11:59 Caller The birds.

1:12:00 Caller Yeah, Austin. It's calling from Texas.

1:12:02 Caller Nice.

1:12:04 Caller Yeah.

1:12:04 Caller There's some birds there.

1:12:06 Adam I don't know. Okay. So Parker. Yeah. I don't understand. She's getting serious. You're not that into her or you are into her? Well, I'm not.

1:12:17 Caller And I think that she's kind of developing feelings really fast. I don't know if it's just something I should stay away from because she's getting feelings really fast. I'm not saying that I'm not going to develop those feelings. I'm just saying.

1:12:31 Adam Here's the... It's got a bad line. So I'm putting them on hold, but you can hear us. Here's the thing. To me, 23, 36, 17-year-old daughter sounds like, I don't know. I just think when you're a 23-year-old guy, you should just be a 23-year-old guy.

1:12:50 Drew Right. He's closer to a peer age of the daughter than the mom. The daughter is six years younger. The mom's 13 years older.

1:12:58 Adam Right.

1:12:58 Drew This is going to be trouble for mom no matter what. He's kind of not into it. It's kind of like, you know, sort of exploiting her. She's really getting involved fast. He doesn't really care about what he's going to do.

1:13:08 Adam She's in a position where she's 36. She's probably feeling like the clock is ticking a little in terms of getting married a second time or doing whatever. She's, you know, 40s around the corner. And Parker just seems like he's not that into it. And here's the whole thing. When you're 23, you can dick around with a hot 19 or 20 year old. They're made of silly putty. They bounce right back. They got no problem. They don't have a care in the world, these people. When you got the mom that's been through a couple of bad relationships, has got a kid or two, and is looking a little long in the tooth, you can't screw around with that.

1:13:48 Drew And by the way, mom was pregnant by 18, so daughter's right about on course now. And Parker could be the one served up for those purposes.

1:13:56 Adam You cannot monkey with that woman. That's a long term thing. That's a permanent thing.

1:14:03 Drew They're going to be dad of a girl who's great. Right.

1:14:07 Adam Don't do it. You're only a dad of a... Look, if this woman is the woman of your dreams and you're very much in love with her...

1:14:12 Drew That's one thing.

1:14:13 Adam Mazel tov.

1:14:13 Drew That's not what he's saying.

1:14:14 Adam If you sort of got one foot in and one foot out, I'm telling you pull the other foot out and get going.

1:14:19 Drew I'm with them.

1:14:20 Adam Jim?

1:14:22 Hello?

1:14:23 Adam You're 24. Yes.

1:14:24 Caller What's up? I've been married for about a year and a half and I said we haven't had sex but actually we haven't had much sex since we've been married. Our sex life was great before we were married.

1:14:37 Drew What happened?

1:14:38 Caller I don't know. I think we just got used to each other too much. We did everything we possibly could sexually.

1:14:46 Drew Before you got married you did?

1:14:47 Caller Yeah.

1:14:48 Drew Or you tried to in order to try to get things rekindled?

1:14:51 Caller Right. So now it's just really dropped off. To the point now ever since probably January we haven't had much sex at all.

1:14:59 Adam Well, listen, Drew is a man of exquisite passion. I barely have a pulse so I should probably take this one.

1:15:07 Caller Wait a minute. I nodded off.

1:15:08 Adam Who are we talking to?

1:15:10 Drew You put your heart stuff.

1:15:11 Adam Drew, go give me some valium and quiet down. Let me handle this thing.

1:15:14 Caller All right.

1:15:16 Adam Who do you think has initiated the no sex zone? Do you think it's you or do you think it's her?

1:15:22 Caller Her.

1:15:23 Adam She has.

1:15:24 Drew That's a bad sign.

1:15:25 Adam And you're good to go but she isn't.

1:15:28 Caller Well, when she started, it kind of made me start, you know, dropping off too.

1:15:33 Adam Right. You've slowed down. It's like, here's what it's like. It's like when you start starving yourself, your metabolism slows down in order to deal with it. Because if you were just, if it was moving like it was, it would just start, you'd start eating your own bones.

1:15:47 Caller Right.

1:15:48 Adam Which by the way, if Jim could get to his own bone, he would take the edge off.

1:15:52 Caller All right.

1:15:52 Adam So she did this. And you don't have any, any, and she was hypersexual before.

1:15:58 Caller We both were.

1:16:00 Adam Well, you were, well, you, you say, you say, hold on a second, Drew, you say you both were, but that you would be that way now if she was that way again, you're just going along with it.

1:16:08 Caller No, we both just kind of fell off. And now I think we're to the point where we're okay. Not having sex.

1:16:14 Drew Okay. There's a ton here.

1:16:17 Adam But I will. But a second ago, I know he did, I know he said, she's the one that stopped having sex. And he keeps going where we've decided. This is, I don't really buy the we've decided part.

1:16:28 Drew No, I don't either. But this is, this is all the earmarks of those bipolar qualities and people are sexually compulsive.

1:16:34 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:16:34 Adam Now, does she have any history of abuse?

1:16:37 Caller Um, there are some possibilities of when she was younger, her stepfather might have molested her a little bit.

1:16:43 Drew Just a little bit, though.

1:16:44 Caller It's a sprinkling.

1:16:45 Caller From what I hear.

1:16:46 Caller Sprinkling of sodomy?

1:16:48 Caller Well, some of the stories he tells me aren't exactly molestation stories, but they're here to stay. Here and there. He touched me here. He may have touched me there.

1:16:57 Drew Word on the street.

1:16:58 Adam Creepy stepdad, to say the least. That's enough. Yeah, that's enough. And by the way, just having, we've talked about this a bunch of times, but the idea of you're getting out of the shower and making your way to the bedroom, creepy stepdad lowers the sports page and is leering at you. Just living under the same roof with that A-hole. Crazy. Imagine that kind of constant pressure. You're a 12-year-old girl, how freaky has that got to be? It's like, I know he's probably not going to try to F me, but I know if I let him, he would feel my boobs. How freaky does that have to be? And by the way, how must it shape your opinion of men?

1:17:40 Drew That's right.

1:17:42 Caller All right.

1:17:42 Adam So how about she gets some counseling and perhaps you do too?

1:17:48 Drew You have some abuse too, right?

1:17:50 Caller Not that I can recall, no. I grew up in a pretty good family.

1:17:53 Adam Well, she has something going on with her. And have you ever been with a guy?

1:18:01 Caller No, not at all.

1:18:02 Adam Never.

1:18:02 Caller All right.

1:18:04 Adam Can she get some therapy? You guys are newly married.

1:18:07 Caller Right.

1:18:08 Caller How about you're going to work on a little bit.

1:18:10 Adam Yeah. And here's the thing, everybody.

1:18:12 Drew It's not going to get better from here.

1:18:14 Adam Got to draw a metaphor here. But everything worth having takes a little upkeep and a little maintenance. You want a nice house, you got to get the gardener, you got to paint the place every so often, you got to exterminate it, you know, you got to get rid of the termites, a nice car, you got to put a coat of wax on it, you got to change the oil. There's upkeep. Everything worth having in life has a certain upkeep aspect to it.

1:18:37 Drew It's a commitment.

1:18:38 Adam A boat, whatever, whatever it is you want, boat, car, house, you name your thing. I'm going to, hobby, sport, whatever, there's going to be some work involved with keeping it running right and whatever. Relationship, no different. If you're lucky, you get a nice reliable camry that doesn't really take too much. Even the camry, you got to drop off over at the Jiffy Lube every once in a while and change the oil and rotate the tire.

1:19:05 Caller Okay?

1:19:06 Adam Little something. 20 or 4 year old new relationship or newlywed, put a little in, put a coat of paint on it. Yes?

1:19:14 Drew With you.

1:19:15 Caller All right. Let's sneak spear.

1:19:19 Adam Who's been on hold the longest, Drew?

1:19:20 Caller Mary? Yeah. Let's talk to Mary.

1:19:23 Adam Mary you're 23.

1:19:29 Drew Mary who's sleeping?

1:19:30 Caller Mary, are you sleeping?

1:19:37 Drew She needs to wake her up and get a sleep study done, because she needs a CPAP.

1:19:41 Adam What's a CPAP?

1:19:42 Drew A thing to make her breathe during the night, just sleep apnea.

1:19:44 Adam Sounds like a big gap. Sounds hot. Oh, it's a wildebeest that ate her and fell asleep on the sofa. I tell you, if I was thinking about robbing the house and I heard that coming from under the front door, I'd go to the next house. I'd be like, there's a troll or a bear or something that fell asleep in there.

1:20:11 Drew Like under the stairs of the Monsters.

1:20:13 Adam Yeah. And by the way, you know, they have all these things, these theft deterrent things, dogs barking and sirens and stuff. How about just the sound of 500 pound biker drunk and knotted off on the sofa?

1:20:36 Drew If you can really create that sound, yeah.

1:20:37 Adam Picture a guy in a leather vest with a sawed off shotgun in his lap and a beer in his hand and he just dozed off. You'd go to the next house, right?

1:20:45 Drew Yeah, of course.

1:20:47 Caller All right, let's check with Mary one more time.

1:20:52 Adam She's been on hold for 76 minutes. Probably fell asleep about the time I started with Chief Thunderbear.

1:21:01 Drew Chief Thunderbear, yeah, about right.

1:21:05 Adam She saw him long. So you don't hear the ladies snore too often.

1:21:08 Drew Not with that kind of nice, deep, rich sound.

1:21:11 Adam Yeah, it doesn't suggest petite. Now, if she has the phone up around her face, it probably means that the receiver, the ear part is somewhere near her ear, right?

1:21:26 Drew I think, yeah. So you wanna try to wake her up?

1:21:29 Caller Let me try.

1:21:30 Drew Why are we not hearing her now?

1:21:32 Caller That's a good question.

1:21:34 Caller All right, let's run out of ideas.

1:21:54 Caller She stops snoring.

1:21:55 Adam It seems like it caused a little movement.

1:22:02 Caller Let's take a break.

1:22:03 Adam We'll get back with Mary. It sort of, it shut her up. I'm, as somebody who's the world's lightest sleeper, I'm constantly amazed at those who can not often in the upright position, like phones are theirs and stuff. She must have heard her, obviously heard her name on some level. She heard something or she wouldn't have stopped, right?

1:22:23 Drew Possibly.

1:22:24 Adam Thanks for that commitment, Tripp. We'll get back with Mary, and then you and me and us all after this. Thank Hey, y'all, it's Loveline.

1:22:54 Caller Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

1:22:57 Adam Jenny McCarthy will be in here tomorrow night. Belly laughs, Drew's read the book. He's enjoyed it immensely.

1:23:03 Drew New York best seller.

1:23:04 Adam New York best seller.

1:23:05 Drew People say that usually, they're like, they're talking about some sort of ancillary list. No, it's just number seven.

1:23:10 Adam Number seven.

1:23:11 Drew New York best seller, Hardback.

1:23:13 Caller Oh, it's Hardback.

1:23:14 Drew Yeah.

1:23:17 Adam Yeah, I don't like, you know, I have this bad habit of sort of pre-insulting the guests' work before they come on to the show the following night. I should really save it for the night after.

1:23:25 Drew Sure. Anne read it and liked it.

1:23:28 Caller Anne read it and liked it.

1:23:29 Drew A natural reading.

1:23:30 Caller Producer Anne. Yeah.

1:23:31 Adam Okay, I've not read it. I find Jenny McCarthy to be sort of fun and energetic and pretty.

1:23:37 Caller I don't know about her, but.

1:23:39 Caller It's for a pregnant woman.

1:23:41 Caller Is it for a pregnant woman?

1:23:42 Adam Drew's pissed because he wrote what he considers a substantial piece of literature and no one gives a flying ass.

1:23:48 Drew It's coming out of the paperback in the fall.

1:23:51 Caller But I understand her background. She was a bikini model.

1:23:55 Adam Drew's angry.

1:23:56 Drew No, God bless her for getting the book. Please, take my book and paperback. It'd be worth like three bucks.

1:24:01 Adam Three dollars.

1:24:02 Drew Let's put it on the New York Times list next fall.

1:24:03 Adam Let's go. Let's get it on that.

1:24:05 Drew Let's break it down.

1:24:06 Adam Hey, let's get a hand in. And let me say this about Drew. He comes in here night after night and busts his hump for you.

1:24:15 Caller And what's he want?

1:24:16 Adam What is this?

1:24:17 Caller Pay-per-view?

1:24:18 Adam You guys subscribe to the show? Is it buck 25 a day? No, it's not up on the satellite. He does it for free. Well, actually he gets paid, but free for you. That's my point. So Drew's book's gonna come out and paperback. What's it gonna be? $9.95?

1:24:35 Drew Oh no, I think it'll be a lot less, I think. A lot less? Are paperbacks like six bucks?

1:24:39 Adam No, you're thinking of those crappy novels you buy at the car wash or something. They first come out, so they can be $12, $13. That's what I hear. Now I won't buy a book. I'll go to that big house where they lend them to you. The... Don't tell me, because I always get... Because I was confusing, because it doesn't have the word book place in it. It's a big place where they keep the books. They keep them all in this place, and then you could go borrow.

1:25:08 Drew And in the olden days, they borrowed them.

1:25:10 Adam You could borrow them?

1:25:11 Drew Yeah.

1:25:11 Adam Yeah, I think you could still borrow them. And if you gotta bring them back, I don't know what you'd want with a book. What's it called?

1:25:20 Drew Library.

1:25:20 Adam Library.

1:25:21 Drew Library.

1:25:24 Caller It doesn't have the word book in it.

1:25:26 Adam All right, here's the point. Okay, let's just call it 10 bucks. Drew gives you tons of top-notch entertainment, two hours of top-notch entertainment. If you would just pay him pennies a week, and don't pay him, save it. Save that 35 cents a week, put that together. No, I'm gonna do some math here. Let's just say your book's gonna be 10 bucks. It'd be like 17 and a half, 18 cents a week. You got like 80 cents, 75, 80 cents at the end of the month, times 12. You write about 9.95.

1:26:05 Drew It's called Cracked in October on paperback.

1:26:08 Adam Please, everybody.

1:26:09 Drew Please, I'll be begging you to.

1:26:10 Adam All right, and somebody score me some value. Because I bust my hump here, too, every night. Zach?

1:26:18 Yeah.

1:26:19 Adam You're 19?

1:26:21 Caller I live in LA. I was, just a while ago tonight, actually, I was with my girlfriend, and we were pulling around in the car, and I ended up coming in my pants. We were both on top of the chair. We both still had to close on, and we still continued to grind against each other. And when we were done, I looked down, and I saw that she had a spot on the inside of her leg where, you know, the semen had come through my pants and had gone on hers. She was on the rag at the time, and she had, but she was wearing two pairs of underwear and a pad, and she did show me. And-

1:27:00 Drew Why was she wearing two pairs of underwear?

1:27:02 Adam Why'd she have to produce evidence of the double underpants too?

1:27:09 Drew Don't worry about it, Zach, relax, dude, relax. You're fine, you're fine.

1:27:13 Adam Also, her vagina was locked in an Iron Maiden, which was then placed inside a steamer trunk, put inside a straight jacket, and lowered to the bottom of Lake Huron. It smells like a Houdini trick. She was wearing, I was wearing three pairs of toughskins and some 501s.

1:27:37 Caller She had six pair of Geranimals on, two pair of panties and three tennis skirts, and oh, and some gauchos.

1:27:46 Adam My semen was able to penetrate the six layers of denim between the head of said penis and the outside of said wranglers, and I noticed a small spot, probably half-dollar size spot on the outside of her gauchos. She was on the rag and had been deceased for six months. What are the chances of her getting pregnant?

1:28:09 Caller Overconceiving.

1:28:10 Adam And Anderson, what did you yell at me?

1:28:12 Caller Don't forget about Mary before the show is over.

1:28:15 Drew Oh, Mary. That's got to do.

1:28:17 Adam Hold on a second.

1:28:18 Caller Anderson, don't yell at someone's name.

1:28:19 Adam I thought you were finished with your way.

1:28:22 Drew We have a way to communicate on the computer screen here. Give us messages on there.

1:28:25 Caller You guys don't look at that.

1:28:27 Adam I do. I don't mind you saying I get back to call one who was just sleeping, but you can't.

1:28:31 Caller I thought you were out of breath.

1:28:32 Caller I thought you were done with the...

1:28:34 Caller No, I was never out of breath.

1:28:36 Adam You'll know it because you'll hear a gap of something.

1:28:39 Drew Do you have gills? No, he's got a clogged deviated septum. So when he breathes, you know it.

1:28:45 Caller Oh, shut up.

1:28:47 Caller Mary?

1:28:49 Drew Oh my God.

1:28:49 Adam Wow, she's up.

1:28:50 Caller I am so sorry. I completely passed out.

1:28:53 Caller That's cool, baby.

1:28:55 Adam All right. How tall are you?

1:29:00 Caller Five, six. How much do you weigh? All right, let me, hold on. Let me do a quick radiomath.

1:29:09 Adam Five, six, 200 pounds. And now I actually have to add 5% for the. Oh, and then, yeah.

1:29:20 Caller See, five, six, 200 pounds. Sorry, I'm just doing the radiomath, give me the five.

1:29:24 Adam Okay, I got five, four, and 13, 16, 200 and 21 pounds, four ounces.

1:29:38 Caller Mary.

1:29:39 Caller Okay, I'd say that's about right.

1:29:45 Drew Hey, Mary, your sleep is disordered because of your weight. We could hear it. And you really should take care of that because sleep apnea and sleep disturbances can really cause a lot of health problems.

1:29:56 Adam What should she do?

1:29:57 Drew Go to your doctor, your general doctor, and ask about a sleep study. And actually look at how many arousals you have during the night and how your air moves with your oxygen levels are normal.

1:30:07 Caller I don't know how many times I've been listening to Loveline and heard people snoring and you sit there for like 15 minutes and just listen to the snore to interpret what they're thinking.

1:30:17 Adam Well, you were not only snoring, you were talking.

1:30:20 Caller Really? What did I say?

1:30:24 Adam If you want me to say it, I can say it.

1:30:27 Caller You said something about my cat. I know that.

1:30:29 Adam Well, you did talk about your cat pleasuring you on more than one occasion and you putting a little pate downstairs and feeling the...

1:30:37 Caller But I know, my cat is turning 18 this year, so. I'm very happy about that.

1:30:41 Adam All right, so listen, shock, did you have a cat? Mary. So here's the thing, we'll get to your question in a second, but you should probably lose some weight because it's probably the cause, the culprit with the sleep apnea, yes, right?

1:30:57 Drew Yes, absolutely.

1:30:58 Caller Oh, I'm attending by a treadmill on eBay right now, so.

1:31:01 Drew All right.

1:31:02 Adam But let me ask this, I'm not picking on you, but I'm just saying the people that sort of look to try to make working out easy are the ones that just seems like they're gonna stop. How about you just start walking?

1:31:17 Drew Even heavy duty working out won't make, you'll just, appetite will just compensate. You'll, your body will fight to keep its weight where it is, even if you're exercising hard.

1:31:24 Adam You know what you need? You need a nice iPod. Put your favorite songs on there, put some shoes on and do a little road work.

1:31:31 Caller I hate that whole copyright infringement, you know, restriction of turning your MP3s into actual, like, regular.

1:31:38 Drew Perfect reason not to protect your health. Perfect reason. You've done it, you've solved the code. All right. How to find a way not to take care of myself.

1:31:45 Adam Well, listen, we care about all our listeners, so I just want you to get some exercise.

1:31:50 Drew Here you go, what's up?

1:31:51 Adam You got a question about cold sores?

1:31:54 Caller Yeah, I mean, I've been getting them since I was about maybe 13.

1:31:58 Drew Where'd you get them?

1:31:59 Caller I have no idea where I got the original one from, but basically when I got them at 13, I figured they were just some kind of apnea. I had no idea what they were. No one ever talked to me about them before.

1:32:11 Adam Are they on your lip?

1:32:13 Caller Well, they started around the edge of my mouth, and then all of a sudden they showed up on my nose, and now they're around my lips, and around my nose, and on my chin. And yeah, I'm under a lot of stress, but I get them basically during the winter. I can get like maybe two, maybe even three at a time.

1:32:33 Drew All right, there are antiviral medications out there for this, something called Valtrex, or Famvir, or Zofrax that are really quite good for these recurrent facial oral ulcers.

1:32:43 Adam Yeah, all right, so go talk to your doctor, talk to them about getting the sleep work up, and talk about losing the weight, and then talk about the antiviral medication. As they got medication, just avail yourself of it. We'll take a quick break, we'll be right back.

1:32:58 Drew All right, guys, here's the deal.

1:33:00 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:04 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:05 Caller Call the Dateline, 877-889-DATE.

1:33:08 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:33:19 Caller This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

1:33:22 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

1:33:31 Adam Jenny McCarthy, the great Jenny McCarthy is gonna be in here. She's gonna hawk that book, sell just a few more than Drew. That's tomorrow night. So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew, saying, mahalo.

1:33:46 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, May 26, 2004