Episode 1000616787579

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:06 Voiceover Yeah, I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, but forget about the Hippocratic Oath for just one moment. He's PO'd, this man. Drew got himself another moving violation today. Here's the thing, Drew's gotten a couple of tickets. And here's the deal with Drew. I know what the deal is with Drew. Drew has a plate that's two sizes smaller than what's on it. And it's a constant, your guy doesn't say no to things, your guy's very driven, he's very motivated, and that means you're literally on the run.

1:47 Drew You're right, all the time. You start, you're moving your ass.

1:50 Adam You start your day 20 minutes in the hole and you never make it up. And the only way you can make it up is in between gigs, the travel stuff, appointments, whatever.

2:00 Drew And then I got a fast car that sort of calls me to that.

2:04 Adam It beckons.

2:05 Drew It beckons, that requires that. Right.

2:07 Adam It's not, if you shift under five grand, it doesn't feel like you're, it feels like you wasted 60 of the 80 grand.

2:15 Drew That's right.

2:16 Adam That's right. You got to peg that red line a little bit.

2:18 Drew But this had nothing to do with speeding.

2:20 Adam Drew was driving. You were in Hollywood.

2:22 Drew Hollywood on Franklin. Is it Franklin? Going to Highland. And you know those little surface streets there you can maybe get up to and go around and maybe come down over on Highland or Franklin. It was just, Franklin was stopped for blocks.

2:34 Adam Franklin, I don't know what they were doing. It's right around. Hollywood in Highland is where they do the Kimmel Show. Where they do the Ryan Seacrest Show. There's always a party going on. And they'll close Hollywood Boulevard at the drop of a hat to premiere Shrek 5 or whatever's going on at the time. And you'll never know about it until you're in a parking lot known as Highland. So, you-

2:57 Drew So, I turn left, I figure, what the hell? I got to one of these map things in the car. It'll help me through. I just, better just sit in here.

3:03 Adam Right.

3:03 Drew So I go up and I'm going down, and Swing's Rampage brings you back down to Franklin. And I thought, oh hell, now I gotta turn left. And as I'm turning left, I'm seeing no left turn between four and seven. I'm thinking, really? These people are gonna prevent you from going through their neighborhood when there's a total shutdown of the city. It's 415, and it's a one-way street. And I saw it and I thought, am I gonna back up? Am I gonna kill myself? I'd make the turn. And then I see up ahead, a troop of cops just waiting. They just sit there and wait.

3:31 Ticket-riding, party-waiting.

3:33 Drew Waiting. And I thought, and still I'm thinking, should I back up? I know I've done something kind of wrong, but now I'll go on and explain to them, I'm lost, I'm dying, oh no, no.

3:43 Adam Now you're getting a ticket. And by the way, how much more does that slow things down? By the way, when they're pulling the car over and everyone's rubber-necking and they're using up a line oftentimes.

3:52 Drew Oh, I beg your pardon, there's nobody except people getting tickets. This is an empty road. They're just sitting on just everybody that comes on and gets called over because no one's supposed to go up between four and seven.

4:02 Adam Right.

4:03 Drew So everyone that goes up gets a ticket. And by the way, you have to know exactly what time it is.

4:09 Adam LA is basically, here's how LA works.

4:13 Drew Chicken S. Here's your Hollywood has joined Burbank.

4:16 Adam Oh, no. Yes, oh yes. I don't know the name Burbank anymore. I only respond to Rape Bank because that's the official name of Burbank now. Here's what goes on in Los Angeles and the Valley. There's zero public transportation. There was many years ago, but the oil companies and the tire companies and GM, they all conspired to get rid of all these rail systems we had in the 30s and 40s. They got rid of it all. They made everyone a slave to their automobile. And then they went in for the kill. Now they realize there's a huge population in Los Angeles that has no choice but to use their automobile to go everywhere every time with no alternatives, no public transportation alternatives, nothing viable. There's no way a guy with your schedule and your stops could do anything but have your own vehicle. 99% of Los Angelenos are this way. And now the cornholing party begins.

5:17 Drew Oh yeah. But multiple participants, we've got the DMV, they're gonna do the cornhole.

5:23 Adam The registration, everything from the registration to the licensing, to the taxes.

5:28 Drew Then every city gets involved.

5:30 Adam Oh, magically, oh, gas. Most expensive of any city in the United States. What a shock. They got you by the nut sack and they just keep twisting it. And here's all I'm saying.

5:41 Drew But why the police? Really?

5:43 Adam Oh, well, hey, we don't have enough guys on the street to stop the crime. By the way, there's a troop of guys standing there just parking people and handing out tickets. Yes, and that's the constant refrain from the mayor and the governor, it's always, we don't have enough officers on the street.

6:00 Drew I wanna go get the ticket and yell at the guy who gave me the ticket. It's just so ridiculous.

6:04 Adam Yeah, and listen, we have plenty of officers. They're busy giving doctors chicken ass tickets. And then there's meter mains. And these guys are criminals. And this whole town has turned into one just cluster F trying to get money off the backs of the motorists who have no other choice but to drive their vehicles. Okay, now here's what I propose. Obviously you pussies need money. Obviously, although I do suspect it's just a self-feeding machine.

6:35 Drew They may be in cahoots with the insurance companies.

6:39 Adam Whatever it is.

6:39 I'd rather just pay the...

6:41 Adam Here's a deal. Just have everyone cut you... It's gonna cost 500 bucks a month. That's, I mean, sorry, a year. Every, when you get your license, when you renew your registration, whatever it is. Here's 500 bucks. It's F you money, it's hush money. It's leave me alone money. Here's your 500 bucks. Go raise your, go ahead and bust gang bangers and let me drive, let me drive. That's it. Just bring back the Policeman's Ball, would you?

7:10 Drew I mean, can you make some money in New York City?

7:12 Adam Sell tickets, don't give them. In LA, LA's just- Chicago, I mean, here's what, here's what.

7:20 Drew On what plan?

7:20 Adam It's a cacophony of bizarre nationalities or illegal and undocumented who don't have proper lives. Everyone's just driving, everyone's scared and no one says anything.

7:29 Drew The summer terrorist attack may come here and it may do the great favor.

7:32 Adam I suspect it will, I suspect it will come to Los Angeles. And I'm always curious about the part where we announced that we heard something as far as the terrorists.

7:43 Drew That's because people are saying, why didn't you tell us before the 9-11? You never told us, you should have told us.

7:48 Adam What are you gonna do? Are you gonna just, when you walk down the sidewalk, you're doing a serpentine fashion now?

7:53 Drew I'm gonna, anytime I see a guy with a knapsack, I'm gonna tackle them.

7:55 Adam Smart, just start punching them.

7:57 Drew Head spear them with my head.

7:59 Adam Right, head butt, tackle them and then pull the beanie babies out of the neck.

8:02 Drew And I'm gonna scream the name of this officer as I do all these things.

8:05 Adam Yes.

8:05 Drew Chicken ass.

8:06 Adam Of course, of course, of course. Listen, Los Angeles, please, and Burbank, of course.

8:13 Drew Kill yourself.

8:13 Adam Stop raping your citizens on the road. Stop it, have some dignity. Where's the dignity factor? You know, in other cities, they don't write jaywalking tickets. They have dignity. The officers look at themselves as guys who stop crime, not bus doctors who are going eight miles an hour over the speed limit. It's chicken ass. Where's your dignity? Where is your dignity, Los Angeles officers? Where is it?

8:39 Drew And it's really, it's not the LAPD. It's not the LAPD, because I think those guys are fighting crime. It's all the other cities. People don't understand, LA is about 4,000 little cities, and each one has to get the hand in the corn-holing pie.

8:51 Adam Yes, they need their quota, and nothing worse than rape pay.

8:54 Drew So if you're going through multiple cities, literally, it's a liability each time you go in a new city.

8:58 Adam Of course, and they have their sheriff department, and it's a disaster.

9:02 Drew Because it's not LAPD. Think about it, it's not LAPD.

9:05 Adam They do their share, but-

9:06 Drew I'm sure they do, but-

9:07 Adam Well, who gave you the ticket?

9:09 Drew Hollywood, is that LAPD?

9:10 Adam Yeah, you got LAPD, come on, buddy.

9:12 Drew That's LAPD on their own-

9:14 Adam Well, this is Hollywood, and then it's sheriff, there's a sheriff department, and it's LAPD. Oh, same uniform, same cars, right?

9:20 Drew I don't know what you're talking about.

9:22 Adam Come on, you asked for the guy's badge number next time.

9:25 Drew Sure, it's on the ticket, I'm gonna go get it.

9:27 Adam All right, well, Drew, fight it. You might be able to do it.

9:29 Drew He's like, I have time to do that.

9:30 Adam Yeah, take a day off, yeah, all right.

9:32 Drew That's what kills me, and he's sort of dangling over me, like, hey, this insurance firm, it's not right. I'm driving that car without insurance. Are you, are you?

9:39 Adam I know.

9:40 Drew Oh, yeah, it'll just take you an afternoon to go in there and get it signed off. Take me an afternoon?

9:44 Adam Uh-huh. Just listen, let me say something very clearly, very clearly to anyone who's listening in the law enforcement personnel and the sheriffs that, LAPD, Rape Bank, any of you guys, here's who you work for, us. And we don't want you doing the chicken-ass stuff anymore. So get busy. Get down, get, start busting gang bangers, start checking containers coming in in the LA ports. Start doing all that good terrorist stuff and stop with the chicken-ass.

10:14 Drew To protect.

10:15 Adam Yes. And serve. Protect and serve, serve your tickets. Stop, it's not, you guys, you don't work for the March of Dimes. You understand, it's not a fundraising competition. You want to sell tickets to Policeman's Ball? You want to sell candy? Fine. Do not rape the citizens. Stop ringing everyone who has to drive a car. Or, and I'm pointing this toward the city officials, give us an option. Give us some public transportation. Give us something, give us an option to putting away the car so we don't have to get raped every time we get by in the wheel. And have some dignity. All you guys that are cops now, I'm sure you grew up watching Beretta, Starsky and Hodge. You ever see them write a ticket? There was ever an episode of Starsky and Hodge where they wrote a ticket for jaywalking? No! What about Mannix, Drew?

11:01 Drew No!

11:02 Adam It was a PI actually. What about TJ Hooker?

11:05 Drew Never.

11:06 Adam Did you ever see Shatner and Adrian Zmed writing a pedestrian violation? No, no. They didn't do it.

11:15 Drew I did see her head a lock there once. Yeah, one time.

11:18 Adam In between episodes where she poses, she had to go undercover as a stripper.

11:22 Drew Yes, yes.

11:23 Adam A stripper, by the way, never took her top off. And everyone seemed okay with that. Any of those shows that you watched growing up that inspired you to become a peace officer, did you ever see him handing out a moving violation?

11:36 Drew What you did do is it saw them educating, could you watch out here, are you aware of that?

11:44 Adam That's right, Drew, you should have said, look, I got bigger fish to fry than you, doctor. But I'll tell you what, first off, what about a little greasing of the palm? I don't mind giving a guy 20 bucks so I can keep driving. It's really going to save some time. Number one, at least bring that back. At least bring the pride part back. Number two, how about he does you this one, like I'm going to let you off, but if you hear about any more people turning left between four and seven, I want you to call me. You know what I mean? Now you're like a rat out on the street.

12:16 Drew Or I hope you'll, I hope you'll pay attention to this. Drop a dime on a motorist every once in a while.

12:20 Adam No, no, I'm saying you should use an informant.

12:22 Drew I want to drive up and down that street every, up and down, revving my engine all other hours in four and seven. I suggest everyone drive off Franklin and head on up into that neighborhood and honk your horn. I'm so angry.

12:34 Adam Drew is angry.

12:35 This is how criminals become, see?

12:37 Adam Yeah, this is what happens.

12:38 You're like, I'm criminal hitting.

12:40 Drew Jesus Christ, Anderson.

12:42 Adam All right, everybody.

12:43 No, but you can feel the rage though, right? Because of a traffic ticket, I got thrown in jail all weekend, actually. So I understand your pain.

12:52 Drew What?

12:52 It's a long story, I don't want to get into it. But yeah, I was in LA County all weekend because of a traffic ticket.

12:57 Drew Not last week. You had heroin on you, though. It's different.

12:59 Adam Yeah, you actually had a needle hang out of your arm.

13:02 Drew Did you start giving the officer lip?

13:04 No, no, it's just, I got it like a year ago. My lawyer sucked really badly, didn't tell me I went out to be in court, and finally showed up and threw me in jail.

13:12 Adam Warts. Yeah. Oh, and let me tell you this, by the way. And again, let me just say this, Coppers, and administrators, it's not a money raising campaign. Stop raising money.

13:26 Drew That's what you're so problematic for me about.

13:27 Adam Stop it. We'll give you money if you need money. Ask for more money, but stop raising it. Stop bilking the citizens of your fine city. As you know, when I got my car totaled out by some drunk driver, it was parked in front of my apartment. Went to the judge, went to the court, got awarded four grand. Guy was supposed to send payments into the court. Never did. Never did. And I went in there and I said, why don't you go after the guy? He's not paying. He owes me four grand. What's their answer? Nothing we can do. Really? Nothing you can do. How about my buddy Ray? You tore him out of his mom's apartment, his underpants, because he owed you guys 10 bucks. How about that? You guys do that all the time. Uh-huh, nothing you can do because they owe me money. When they owe you money, there's plenty you can do. Right, imagine if they adopted that attitude toward people that owed them money. Oh, there's nothing we can do. Really? That's all you do is collect money. You just, you just, why don't we give cops those change makers that the ice cream man wears? Stop it, stop raising money. Sell money, sell tickets to the policeman's ball if you need money. Go out and bust perps and have some goddamn dignity. Stop it.

14:37 Drew Let me be clear.

14:38 Adam Jesus Christ, and listen, everyone does this too. They go, they go, well, it's not the guy on the street. You know, it's the captain back and the whatever. Let me tell you something else I learned from watching a lot of Starsky and Hutch and a lot of TJ Hooker. Those guys never did what their captain said. The captain told them, I want you off this case. This is too personal for you. And what, what TJ Hooker say, and don't worry about it, I got a score to settle. And he'd storm out of the thing. And then later the guy'd yell, I'm gonna lift your shield for that Hooker. I got the mayor, the DA, the city council crawling up my ass.

15:09 Drew He played by his own rules.

15:10 Adam But he played by his own rules. And listen, you guys don't have quotas, right? So don't write me tickets then.

15:15 Drew But let me be clear, Anderson, I'm not actually suggesting people who drive off rank. I'm kidding. That is, be very clear.

15:22 No, but I'm saying that your anger is like, that's where it all starts. When the cops are against you and then you go against the cops. And it's like, you feel the rage.

15:29 Adam You know, you're on the roof of the studio with a hunting rifle, yelling top of the world, mom.

15:36 Drew And by the way, I've never felt that way, ever about peruse, ever, ever, ever.

15:40 Adam All right, listen, we all respect you guys, but we respect you more if you didn't hand out the chicken ass tickets all day long and you got to work. And by the way, leave the prostitutes alone too. We don't care about them. I'm gonna make a list one day. Look, I spoke to the citizens of the city. We don't care about the prostitution. We don't care about the guys gambling on a football and we don't care about the Jaywalkers. Here's what we care about. Holdups at the 7-Eleven, Gangbangers and ATM, ATM holdups. That's what you go after, all right?

16:09 Drew Body armor, banana clips, you're aware of that.

16:11 Adam Yeah, and by the way, if some guy tries to flee in his car, don't chase him around for four and a half hours until you hopefully run out of gas. And by the way, I think of, I'm gonna invent like a, like a tanker truck that can pull up next to these guys and refill them so we can keep these car chases going on in perpetuity. That would just, it would never end. It could circle the globe.

16:33 Drew Great entertainment value.

16:34 Adam Yeah, look, feel free to bump these guys and spin them around or throw the spike strip out. As a matter of fact, free rein on the guys. Hey, if you try to flee, do what you want to. Put a few bullets in the back of his head.

16:47 Drew Here we go.

16:48 Adam Jeremy? You're 23?

16:52 Caller Yes.

16:52 Adam What's up?

16:54 Oh, not much. How you guys doing tonight?

16:56 Adam Drew's fired up because you got a chicken-ass ticket.

16:59 Yeah, I'd say fight that. That's entrapment, definite entrapment.

17:04 Drew Oh, hey, Jeremy, I like your thinking.

17:07 Adam I guarantee that's the only legal word Jeremy knows.

17:09 Hey, it's a legal word that's threatened in court, and it works. Trust me. All right. They do it over here, too, in Wisconsin.

17:18 Adam Yeah. And let me say this real quick because I have beaten a ticket in my life. Here's what you win. First, you got to take a day off work to go down and sign up for your court date to beat the ticket, sit around for that. Then they give you your court date, and you show up three weeks later, and you waste another day. And if all goes well and the stars align, which really means the cop doesn't show up because he's out riding other chicken-ass tickets, the judge says, you don't have to pay. You've now won. So there's a time for you getting pulled over and getting a ticket written for you. Then there's a time you actually have to show up all in person, by the way. The time you have to show up and go register to fight the ticket. And then there's the third time you have to show up to spend half a day sitting in court next to junkie degenerates to fight the ticket. And guess what? You win. You see what's between my thumb and forefinger? You win nothing. How about this? How about we get something from you? Hey, we won. They want you to pay 125 bucks for this ticket or 150 bucks or whatever it is. Fine. You win. Guess who owes you 150 bucks? How about that?

18:27 Drew Because how about my time?

18:29 Adam How about just the money they would have wanted you to pay? Isn't that fair? You lost.

18:35 Drew Lost what?

18:37 Adam You lost nothing. Lost the opportunity to rape another citizen. Listen, thank you. I'm on a jag tonight. I can tell. I don't like Jeremy. Let's talk to Karen. Drew's PO'd. Look out. And you know the beauty of me? And why I want you to listen to me, Drew, because you come in PO'd about something. I'm PO'd for you. I come in PO'd about something. You just sit back like a cigar store idiot with the arms folded. I don't know what he's talking about. You just sit there.

19:07 Look at me.

19:08 Adam I'm more angry than you are.

19:09 Drew That's true.

19:09 Adam About your ticket.

19:10 Yeah.

19:10 Adam I don't even get tickets anymore.

19:14 Drew Yeah, that makes me feel even better. Hey, The Man Show. Hey, drive on.

19:19 Adam Karen?

19:20 Yeah.

19:21 Adam You're 20?

19:22 Caller Yes.

19:23 Adam What's up?

19:26 Caller My friend thinks that I'm a pathological flirt. And yesterday-

19:30 Drew Karen, why don't you attend to that child, please?

19:32 Caller Okay.

19:33 Drew No, it's the kid one. Please, no, please. Put it on hold. Should the kid child needs his mom.

19:37 Adam How old's the kid?

19:39 Caller He'll be three in October.

19:40 Adam He'll be three in October?

19:42 Caller Yeah.

19:42 Adam All right, it's old enough. Thinning on his own two feet. What's he needs?

19:47 Caller Yeah, he's fine.

19:48 Adam All right.

19:49 Drew What was he crying about?

19:50 Caller He was watching Spider-Man and a bad guy came on the TV.

19:55 Adam Oh, okay.

19:56 Drew And you're ignoring him.

19:57 Adam No, it's just fine. What do you want? She can't run in every time the octopus-iest comes on to the- What the hell's that octopus, man? Doctor octopus? Doctor octopus, yeah. What the hell about that one? Okay, here's the point. Is your kid be asleep, by the way? It's 10, 20.

20:13 Caller Yeah, he took a long nap earlier. My sister was watching him and she let him take a two and a half hour long nap.

20:20 Adam Oh, okay.

20:21 Caller At about five o'clock, so.

20:23 Adam I thought I'd just stop breathing. Okay, so he's gonna stay up for a little while. Is his dad around?

20:29 Caller No.

20:30 Drew Oh, how dare you.

20:31 Adam All right. Do you have a boyfriend?

20:33 Caller No.

20:34 Drew Oh, good.

20:35 Adam Are you having sex with anybody?

20:38 Caller No, not at the moment.

20:40 Drew Not at this actual second, while we're speaking to her. Other kids?

20:46 Caller Do what?

20:47 Adam Do you have any other children? Can you please not get pregnant again?

20:52 Caller Yeah. I'm working on it.

20:54 Adam All right, so what's the question?

20:57 Caller My friend thinks, yesterday she got real mad at me and she told me that I was a pathological flirt and that I flirt with everybody all the time. And we have another friend, he's a guy friend of ours, and she has a crush on him and she thinks that I flirt with him all the time.

21:14 Drew Have you ever been raped?

21:16 Caller No.

21:16 Drew Have you ever been sexually abused?

21:18 Caller Yeah.

21:20 Adam Who sexually abused you?

21:23 Caller A man in Oklahoma where I used to live.

21:26 Drew How old were you?

21:28 Caller I was 16.

21:29 Drew 16, so you were raped, really?

21:30 Adam Oh, that's right. Nothing before that, though, huh?

21:33 Caller No.

21:34 Drew Nothing when you were a kid? No weird touching or anything by somebody?

21:44 Caller I moved in with some friends of mine and he was a guy that lived in the trailer outside.

21:48 Drew Trailer.

21:49 Adam Oh, that's always nice.

21:50 Drew Anyway, let's look. Be that as it may, it's all those sorts of, let's call them pathological relations with men at a time when you were growing up that makes you sort of reenact those victimizer roles or victimizing roles where you, without even being aware of it, sort of present yourself sexually to men. And then probably you're surprised when they kind of come on to you like a freight train. But that's, that's that trauma that you sort of reenact that over and over and over again. So why don't you listen to what the environment's telling you?

22:18 Adam No, environments are a stupid friend.

22:20 Drew Yeah, I know, but that's a, it fits for the fact that she would be doing that.

22:24 Adam Hey, Karen.

22:25 Caller Yeah.

22:26 Adam What are you doing now? Are you able to work or go to school or anything?

22:30 Caller Yeah, I work at, well, I work at a nursing home in here in Porterville. All right.

22:36 Adam All right, baby doll. So don't get pregnant. Stay away from junior college.

22:41 Drew And then look carefully, look realistically at how you relate to men. Maybe you don't have to be that way. Maybe it will be better if you're not.

22:49 Caller All right, I think I have disastrous relationships.

22:55 Adam I'm sure we know you do.

22:57 Drew Yeah, that's the point. But part of it starts with the beginning there with the guys you attract.

23:01 Adam Yeah, I really do. Here's all I want to do in this show.

23:07 Drew Talk about the police.

23:07 Adam Besides get pulled on my car and beat club to death by a Burbank PD. All I would like to accomplish is there's no way you guys aren't going to have horribly F'd up relationships. You almost have to. You guys, meaning you people listening to this show. If, here's the deal. If you had a good normal childhood that had no sexual abuse, no physical abuse, you're still going to have crappy F'd up relationships.

23:37 Drew You're going to have a tough enough time, yeah.

23:38 Adam Tough enough time. From 15 to 27, things are going to be most likely a mess. Now, you start sprinkling in the abuse, the abandonment, sexual abuse, all that stuff, and now you have a disaster.

23:52 Drew You just go from lame retard to victim.

23:54 Adam That's right. Okay, here's all I want. And so you're going to have a succession of those horrible relationships. Hopefully you get a little therapy, you work things out, and by the time you're in your later 20s, you settle down a little bit. Here's all I want. Don't spit out a bunch of kids along the way. That's it. That's all you gotta do. Have your crazy relationships. Have your threesomes. Have your 4 a.m. beer-fueled fist fights with your maid out on the lawn or the apartment building or the trailer home, whichever it may be. Just don't have a kid standing there looking through the window crying. That's all. That's all you gotta do. Okay. Let's take a little break. Drew's gonna kick the crap out of the vending machine out in the hall. And we'll be right back after this.

24:40 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

25:01 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

25:07 All right.

25:09 Adam Let's speak to Annie, who's 17. Annie?

25:14 Caller Hello?

25:15 Adam What's up, baby doll?

25:17 Caller Well, I'm 17 years old. I've been dating this guy for three months. All of a sudden, he started to make comments about my breasts that make me really uncomfortable.

25:27 Drew What's he saying? Is she gone?

25:32 Caller And I want to know what I should do.

25:35 Caller That was everyone. I didn't hear anything either.

25:37 Drew OK. What is he saying?

25:39 Caller Things like, you have the biggest boobs I've ever seen.

25:42 Drew Is he saying that in a good way?

25:45 Caller Well, he kind of smiles when he says it, like he's joking around.

25:48 Drew Like he's demeaning you.

25:50 Caller I'm sorry?

25:50 Adam No, he's joking around, but he's meaning it too.

25:54 Drew He's not demeaning her.

25:55 Adam No, he's not demeaning her.

25:57 Caller He also says some sexual things too.

26:00 Drew Like what?

26:01 Caller Like, oh, I just want to bury my head in there and...

26:06 Adam Did she say this was her boyfriend?

26:08 Caller Yeah.

26:09 Drew Is this your first boyfriend?

26:10 Adam Let's get used to it, baby.

26:12 Drew That's what boyfriends say sometimes.

26:15 Caller That's how boyfriends are, are you saying?

26:17 Drew What's that?

26:18 Caller Are you just saying that's how boyfriends are?

26:19 Drew Well, some guys, those are terms of endearment for me.

26:24 Adam Yeah, well, what, because it's important, what size are the boobs?

26:27 Caller 38 D.

26:29 Caller 38 D.

26:31 Adam And how's the rest of you doing size-wise?

26:35 Caller I could stand to lose some weight.

26:38 Adam Well, so he's accentuating the positive.

26:42 Caller I guess you could say that.

26:43 Adam He's focusing on the...

26:45 I haven't thought of it that way, but...

26:46 Adam Well, you got to look at it this way. I mean, let's just be blunt here. The one good thing, or one of the only benefits that getting a big ass is a big set of jugs. And he's focusing on the positive part of the weight. And he's picking the part of the year, the part that you got that seems to be the best. And he's looking to straighten the eyes, saying, how to do? He's introducing himself to your boobs.

27:15 Drew How do you do?

27:16 Adam How old is he? Have you guys had sex?

27:22 Caller No.

27:23 Adam Has he seen your boobs?

27:25 Caller No.

27:26 Adam Are you sure he's your boyfriend?

27:30 Caller Well, yeah. I mean, we've talked about it.

27:32 About being boyfriend?

27:34 Caller We had the talk about girlfriend, boyfriend.

27:37 Adam And are you a virgin?

27:38 Caller Yeah.

27:39 Adam OK. Is everything OK?

27:43 Caller Right now, as far as at home?

27:45 Adam Yeah, weird history, anything that's weird to you?

27:47 Caller My mom passed away when I was nine.

27:49 Drew Yeesh.

27:50 Adam Yeesh.

27:51 Drew Is he all right from that?

27:52 Caller That's about the only hard thing in my past.

27:54 Drew Are you OK from that?

27:56 Caller I'm sorry?

27:57 Drew Are you all right from that? Do you still have problems?

27:59 Caller I have a history of depression.

28:01 Caller I've struggled with it.

28:04 Adam And you've never had a boyfriend?

28:06 Caller No, this is my first boyfriend.

28:07 Adam Why do you think that is?

28:11 Caller Well, I don't know.

28:12 Caller I have a lot of people tell me, like, oh, you should have a boyfriend, and you're so friendly, and nice, and things like that. And I've just never felt that way, that I could, that a guy would like me. So I don't really pursue guys actively. So this guy kind of was pursuing me. So I kind of just went for it.

28:31 Drew Well, you like him?

28:31 Adam Is it chugging?

28:32 Caller Yeah, I like him.

28:33 Adam All right. Well, he's your age. You like him? You haven't had a boyfriend?

28:36 Drew That's all good. You're coming out of your depression.

28:39 Adam Don't look for excuses. Let me tell him, you know, you can have that weird conversation where you go, hey, I find that disrespectful.

28:49 Drew Demeans me and feel comfortable.

28:50 Adam Yeah. On the other hand, if he's screwing around, leave him alone. All right. That's it, everyone. Look, I don't know where everyone gets this. I imagine having decent parents would do it. But I don't think I've ever told anyone in my life, like, hey, don't go there, or take that back, or don't talk about that.

29:11 Drew Well, by the way, that's a very aggressive thing to do.

29:14 Adam It is?

29:14 Drew Profoundly aggressive.

29:15 Adam What is? To have that conversation, that talk with people about how you need to be spoken to.

29:21 Drew Yeah, you'd bust the chops of your friend if they were doing something like, hey, go out.

29:25 Adam Here's my normal thing. I hang around people that don't say hurtful things. And when they do, they do it in a kidding fashion.

29:32 Drew They pee on you. They throw poo at you.

29:34 Adam Since when is smearing fecal matter in your ear in high school a throwing poo?

29:40 Drew I beg your pardon. But again, you don't, you don't go, no, that you've offended my sense of, I can imagine. You offended my sense of we need to talk about that.

29:50 Adam No, you fire a shot back at them and move ahead. And here's the thing. Figure out why they're doing what they're doing. If you're with someone who's trying to be hurtful and put you down, don't talk to them. Don't hang out with them. Why do you want to straighten somebody out? You know what I mean?

30:07 Drew Who's supposed to be your friend? By the way, who's a hurtful bad person? You shouldn't, that's not gonna straighten them out.

30:11 Adam On the other hand, if they're just making a passing comment and having a little good-natured fun and some ribbing, let it roll off you.

30:19 Drew Or just, hey, cut out, really bothers me.

30:21 Adam Even that's weird. Kristy? Ooh, 15.

30:29 Drew Here we go. Is that her?

30:34 Adam I don't know. No, but is that her? Is that you?

30:38 Drew I don't think that's her, no.

30:39 Adam Kristy?

30:41 Drew Are you gone, Kristy?

30:44 Adam Wow, great voice. Kristy. Yeah, Kristy. Kristy, hot name, by the way.

30:50 Drew Oh, you like that?

30:51 Adam Kristy? Yeah. Kristy's a hot name. Yeah. I like Christine, too. You know, my mom's name is Kristy.

31:00 Drew Oh.

31:00 Adam Yeah.

31:00 Drew Something about your mom you like.

31:02 Adam Yeah, that's the thing. No, but that's kind of weird, because normally I'm not into my mom, you know.

31:09 Drew Maybe all this is kind of a compensation.

31:12 Adam No, but, you know, physically.

31:14 Drew Take line six.

31:15 Adam Not my type, you know what I'm saying? Now, Drew's mom, totally different vibe over there. Couple of belts, tell you some stories about Vaudeville. Have a good time. I don't know what the hell's going on on line six. Drew, there's no call on line six. Theo?

31:30 Yeah.

31:31 Adam You're 21?

31:32 Caller Yes.

31:33 Adam What's up?

31:34 Caller Hey guys, first of all, I wanna say, I really like what you do. You do a great job, help a lot of people out.

31:39 Adam Thanks, Theo.

31:40 Caller All right, well, my question is for Dr. Drew tonight. I am 21, I've been with this girl for about four years and everything's been pretty good with our relationship. It's just recently, I've started feeling like really irritable around her and I'm feeling like I kind of emotionally shut down when I come around her. When we're apart, I'm at work and stuff. I miss her a lot, I think about her, but...

32:06 Drew What kind of work do you do? What kind of work do you do?

32:10 Caller I'm an interpreter. I work for the Oregon State Court. I'm a legal interpreter.

32:17 Adam What legal interpreter? Was Spanish your language?

32:22 Caller Russian.

32:23 Drew Russian, wow, interesting.

32:25 Adam How many Ruskies you got in there getting popped?

32:28 Caller Also, quite a bit.

32:29 Adam Really? I think they're troublemakers over there.

32:32 Caller Yeah, we got a huge community over here.

32:34 Drew In Portland, of Russian-only speaking American citizens?

32:42 Caller Yeah, immigrants and don't speak English.

32:44 Drew Again, who are the terrorists going after when they go after me?

32:49 Adam Listen, this is a fruit salad. I mean, it's like blowing up a fruit salad and you only want to get oranges, but you're getting everything. I mean, listen, here's all I got to say. Please, Terris, if you're listening, you want to get blue-eyed white people. And if you blow up LA, you get about four of them. And the rest, you're never going to know what nationality they are. You're probably, yeah, I'm just talking about Los Angeles, especially though, you're going to get more of your own, by the way. Yeah. You drop a dirty bomb in Los Angeles, you'll get more people from the Middle East than you would if you dropped it in Baghdad. Yeah. Absolutely. Thank you. So just let that. Now, Orange County, that's a different situation. Just a heads up to the Terris. A lot of whitey's out there. All right, and that's your target, right? I mean, seriously, you blow up Los Angeles, you're gonna get a bunch of gardeners who snuck under the border. And then a bunch of like tie short order cooks and stuff. You're not gonna get anybody. You want whitey. You want whitey, you go to Orange County. That's all I'm saying, Drew. Or you hit a nice town like Arizona. You go to Phoenix, maybe, is Flagstaff? Yeah, Flagstaff's nice, right? Now, where am I thinking of? What's a nice town in Arizona?

34:13 Drew Damn, I know exactly what you're talking about.

34:16 Adam Yeah, we'll get to it.

34:19 Drew So what's the question?

34:20 Caller So, basically, I just wanted to ask you how I can help myself get over that and start connecting with her again, or what do you think might be causing this?

34:29 Drew Theo, you're 21, you've been with this girl since you were 17. Those relationships normally don't last a lifetime. And it may just be you're kind of wrapping it up and kind of packing it in. And when you do emotionally, you, of course, grieve that it's a real loss. It's a major part of your life. It's almost a fifth of your life was spent with this girl. And so when you think about actually leaving and being a part, of course, it really, you react to it, you recoil, you run back. But I think you're in a sort of a phase where the reality is you're kind of packing it in. And it's a very painful thing when you've been with somebody since you're an adolescent. So, yeah, I don't want to tell you to do that, but I suspect that's what's happening here.

35:09 Adam Hey, do you like Yakov Smirnov?

35:13 Caller Oh, you betcha.

35:14 Adam Yeah, funny, funny Russian guy.

35:16 Drew Yeah, he talks, Theo talks just like him.

35:18 Adam I'll bet he does. And no accent, where'd you learn to speak Russian?

35:21 Caller Well, I'm actually from there and I've been living here for about 12 years now, so. That's why no accent.

35:29 Adam It's gotta be a cushy gig, that interpreter gig. I'd like to do that.

35:33 Drew But this is a big Russian immigrant population in Portland, interesting.

35:38 Caller Yeah, there's about 150,000 altogether.

35:41 Drew What attracts Russians to Portland?

35:44 Caller I don't know. I think in conjunction with the big population, immigrant population in Vancouver, Washington, which is right over the Columbia here, I think a lot of people just come where their families are, you know?

35:56 Drew And I guess, strange enough, it's a little like the sort of environment up in Northern Russia, too.

36:02 Adam A lot of those reds get into trouble with the boos, right?

36:05 Caller That's right.

36:06 Adam A lot of DUIs and that kind of stuff.

36:08 Caller A lot of DUIs, you called it.

36:10 Adam Yeah, cause listen, how are you supposed to tell people who've been driving, you know, well, first off, we're.08. Here's the whole thing about this country. We have rules.

36:20 Drew Well, no, this country is really thought of as a country with more laws than any other country, and laws that intrude in every aspect of our life.

36:26 Adam We have billions of laws, everybody.

36:28 Drew Other countries don't have that.

36:29 Adam No, how are you supposed to tell some guy who for 50 years-

36:33 Drew No, since the advent of the automobile.

36:35 Adam Since the advent, no, I just mean his own personal life.

36:37 Drew Personal, yeah.

36:38 Adam He's been living in Mother Russia for 50 years. He's driving around with a bottle of Smirnoff between his legs and no seatbelt on, doing God knows what to a hooker in the passenger seat, probably 13 year old hooker, you know? And all of a sudden, well, that's how they do it. I'm not judging, that's what they do.

36:55 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't judge.

36:56 Adam You got guys, first off, in Russia- By the way, .08, that don't mean ass. Those guys are.08 at lunch on a Tuesday.

37:06 Drew When they drank on Monday.

37:08 Adam Right. Yes, yes.

37:10 Drew The drinking went down a day and a half before.

37:12 Adam If you couldn't drive drunk in Russia, you couldn't, there'd be no, the highways would be empty. No cars. There'd be no cars on the road.

37:18 Drew No walking either, probably.

37:19 Adam Yeah, so, and then these guys land here and you tell them, listen, yeah, hey, Ivan, because that's their names. No, Ivan, that's the name of the Russian guy.

37:31 Drew Dmitry.

37:31 Adam Yeah, Dmitry. Yeah, those two beers you drank, that's illegal. You guys are like, two beers? I was just cleansing my palate for the fifth of Vodgubs about to drink. I'm not drunk. Tell that guy not to get behind the wheel. Are you kidding me? All right, let's take ourselves a little break, Drew. We'll be right back after this. Hey buddy, it's Adam.

37:59 Drew And I'm Dr. Drew.

38:00 Adam Here to talk about Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

38:03 Drew Yes sir.

38:03 Adam You spray that on, you give stink the axe. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. All right, we did a little research, and the place is down. If you're listening, Terrace, if you wanna blow up, and like I said, I don't wanna break it up into a racial thing. You know that's not my style, Drew. That's not what I'm about. But you guys want whitey. So let's face it. And I know you think I'm exaggerating when I'm saying, look, walk down a street in Los Angeles, see if you can find a guy who speaks good English. I mean, Drew, seriously. Am I exaggerating?

38:50 Drew No.

38:50 Adam If you just drove through Hollywood or Los Angeles, stopped at a random gas station, went in and asked for directions.

38:56 Drew And then just started walking.

38:58 Adam Let's just talk to the guys behind the counter.

39:01 Drew That's stacking the deck. Just start walking down the street.

39:03 Adam Okay, just start walking down the street. So this is my point. You guys don't know. You think Los Angeles is a bunch of blue eyed Aryan types. No, no, there's nothing. And we got stuff you don't even want to, we don't even know what they are.

39:15 Drew So we're thinking.

39:16 Adam We got Ethiopian, we got Filipino, we got everything, everything but white. Me and Drew, only two white guys in Los Angeles. Yeah, so all I'm saying is, is Terris, you want whitey, you go Scottsdale, Arizona.

39:30 Drew North County, San Diego.

39:31 Adam San Diego, yeah, that's good. It's a little close. I know I suggested Orange County earlier.

39:36 Drew Oh yeah, you're special via.

39:39 Adam Yeah, the winds could carry stuff. You go Prescott or Scottsdale, Arizona. Those are your, that's ground zero for you guys, all right? Sleepy towns, here we got cops all over the place. Sure, the riding tickets, but we don't know.

39:56 Drew There'd be a huge relief if you exploded something here.

39:59 Adam Yeah, yeah, it would. There'd be more people to be happy about it, there really would. You hit Prescott or Scottsdale. It's Arizona, it's nice. And by the way, it's good, if you have any kind of sinus condition or anything, it's a good, it's a good climate. Christy? Weren't we just talking to a 15-year-old online one named Christy?

40:18 Drew Different Christy, though.

40:19 Adam On the same line.

40:20 Drew Yeah.

40:21 Adam What's up, baby doll, you're 18.

40:23 Caller Yeah, I've been going out with my boyfriend for about two years, and I told him that I wanted to be a stripper. And when we first got together, he was like, yeah, that's cool, you know? But lately he's been telling me that I'm like really fat and all that, so I was just wondering why he's doing it.

40:39 Drew That's what you call keeping them down. Mm-hmm, smart. So you won't become a stripper.

40:43 Adam Yeah, steady diet of verbal abuse, their self-esteem is lowered sufficiently, so they want to take their plans on.

40:50 Drew Because he gets jealous, he doesn't want you to be a stripper. Are you a Mormon? No.

40:55 Adam Okay, and 100% with that. How do you look in the nude?

41:04 Caller Yeah, do you look good?

41:06 Drew Yeah.

41:07 Adam And what kind of stripping do you want to do, topless or totally nude? I love when the guy gets his, he's out there, he's barking like a carnival barker, he's trying to get money out of it. Hey, gentlemen, show me, appreciate a little part of money now. In the midst of pimping and trying to get you to part with a couple of dollars, a little business to take care of the strip club too. Uh, uh, Johanna gonna need you to uh, champagne room, champagne room, fat air, guys waiting for you.

41:56 Caller Blah, blah.

41:58 Adam That's all you're gonna hear by the way.

42:00 Drew Christy, that's, that, you don't really want to go down that path, do you? Or why do you? Maybe that's a better question.

42:07 Adam You don't know, Drew. And why, uh, why, you know, the bottomless thing, and by the way, if you're, uh, if you're doing the bottomless thing at 18, you're about four months away from porn.

42:20 Caller I don't think I'd go that far because they're...

42:22 Adam Oh, yeah. Where do you get hooked on the booger sugar? You know what I'm saying? You can take that to the bank. Thinking about bread a lot tonight, Drew.

42:31 Drew Indeed.

42:31 Adam Yeah. You get strung out on some coke. Next thing you know, you do anything for a bump. Yeah.

42:39 Drew It's just... That is truly a slippery slope. Adam, I generally don't believe in that whole concept of a slippery slope, but it's really more of a boundary that you crossed into a world and a behavior and a realm of possibilities that there's nothing to hold you back from. And you're sort of acting something out here that you really are not aware of. There's something that's gripped the motivational systems in your brain that's causing you to be intrigued and find it necessary to do this.

43:06 Adam You don't know all these big words. Christy.

43:08 Caller Yeah.

43:09 Adam Do you love your boyfriend?

43:13 Caller I'm falling for girls more now.

43:15 Drew Oh, bisexual abuse, baby. Right? All right. Forget it. I'm a lesbian.

43:20 Adam Any sexual abuse in your past?

43:22 Caller I was raped when I was 14 and my dad, well, not my dad, but my mom's boyfriend.

43:32 Drew That's fantastic.

43:33 Adam What a delight.

43:34 Drew But that's a recipe for a stripper. You look in the recipe book and, oh, bring in a predator to the house and this mom's recipe for step dads, for step dads.

43:45 Adam One-part pedophile.

43:46 Drew One-part pedophile, abuser.

43:47 Adam Physical abuse. That's good.

43:50 Drew Sexual abuse in the house.

43:52 Adam When did your step dad or mom's boyfriend start in on this stuff?

43:57 Caller When I was about seven.

43:59 Adam And did they get married, your mom and he?

44:02 Caller They were married and then my mom found out about it and he's in prison now.

44:06 Drew Oh, that's good. God bless it.

44:08 Adam That's great. Hope he's getting cornholed violently.

44:11 Drew But he's left a legacy here in terms of how your brain functions. You need to fight against that, Kirsten.

44:17 Adam How about some therapy?

44:22 Drew Acting is staying in the place of motivations created from that trauma is going to keep you stuck in this problem.

44:31 Adam Yeah. And we know the answers, but how bad does your radar antenna have to be bent as a mom to bring home the fella who thinks it's a good idea to hook up with your seven-year-old?

44:42 Drew You have to have been sexually abused yourself? Strangely enough. Strangely enough.

44:45 Adam That's right. Hold on a second. Christy?

44:48 Caller Yeah?

44:49 Adam Did you ever get into your mom's sexual abuse?

44:52 Caller No.

44:53 Drew Did you never find out about that?

44:54 Caller Uh-uh.

44:55 Adam All right. Well, don't think about it.

45:01 Drew No, no, but when she was a child, maybe somebody sexually abused her.

45:05 Caller I don't know.

45:06 Drew She never talked about that.

45:07 Adam Uh-uh. Does she get along with her dad?

45:09 Caller Yeah.

45:11 Adam She does.

45:12 Caller And I just want to tell you guys that you guys are cold as hell. I listen to you every night.

45:16 Adam Thanks, baby doll. I can't take, I can't take too much praise. All right. Therapy, therapy, and more therapy. The sexual abuse survivor, Drew.

45:24 Drew Yeah, yes. Oh, yes.

45:26 Adam And it just got hot.

45:27 Drew And by the way, her becoming a lesbian. Not such a bad thing.

45:30 Adam No, not really. Steve?

45:34 Caller Yeah, what's up, boss?

45:35 Adam You're 21. All right. You got a 17-year-old girlfriend who used pre-sex spermicide foam spray.

45:46 Caller It's basically, she's been on the pill for 25 days. You also, there's this, like, I saw it. It's like this little tube thing. It's like, you know, probably six inches long, five inches long. It's white and it has, like, two pieces. And she sprays the foam in there and then puts it up there.

46:05 Drew And then... It's not terribly effective, Steve. But the fact she's on the pill, you're a pretty good chick.

46:11 Caller Okay, but my question was, last night, I told her, I was like, you know, I think that'd be kind of neat if, like, I went inside of you.

46:19 Caller I don't know if that was the right thing to say or not.

46:23 Drew That's what they taught you at finishing school, yes?

46:24 Adam She already is not dead. Yes.

46:27 Caller Okay.

46:27 Adam Serenode de Bergerac or the velvety toe.

46:30 Caller On the pill 25 days.

46:31 Caller And then she also put that foam stuff up there. Yeah.

46:36 Drew I would check a pregnancy test. I would still check a pregnancy test in about two weeks. But you should be fine.

46:40 Adam I like that. I want to finish up in you. All right then.

46:47 Drew And let's go back to reading Shakespeare.

46:49 Adam And then when I'm done, you know, now I could finish on you. But I like to finish in you. Or possibly near you.

46:57 Drew What do you think, honey? A winter's tale or midsummer night's dream?

47:01 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:04 Drew Alright guys, here's the deal.

47:06 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:09 One call is all you need to make.

47:30 Adam Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. All right, let's hop back to the phones, Drew. Alanis Morissette.

47:40 Drew Possibly.

47:42 Adam Tomorrow night. She's been in here before, right?

47:44 Drew Yeah, it's been a long time.

47:46 Adam Not that long. She's good people.

47:48 Drew Yeah.

47:50 Adam I think she's good. She's a good performer. Uh-huh. Good songwriter.

47:53 Drew I want to see that movie, The Lovely.

47:55 Adam What's The Lovely?

47:56 Drew It's about Cole Porter. And she's performing in it. I think it's where a lot of the... which she's up to now. It's coming out in about a month, though.

48:03 Adam I want to see that Day After Tomorrow movie.

48:06 Drew Do you really?

48:07 Adam Anything that has to do with big floods and meteors hitting the planet. I love it. When they show... and what they're able to do now with the CGI stuff is incredible, but when they... first off, any stuff that has to do with the high seas, I love. When they show like a tidal wave hitting the Statue of Liberty, I go nuts. I love that. That doesn't beckon you?

48:29 Drew A little bit.

48:30 Adam To me...

48:31 Drew Man, we were reared on an earthquake in the towering inferno. We cut our teeth on that.

48:36 Adam Visually, there's nothing better than seeing a storm at sea in a movie theater, just 30 foot swells, waves breaking over the bow, and that kind of stuff, it's always great. It was just that high seas thing. Kate?

48:54 Caller Hello?

48:54 Adam Seventeen.

48:56 Caller Yes, I am. I had a question for Dr. Drew. Yesterday you were talking about... Well, you're talking to a woman and her mother died when she was younger, and you're talking about the psychological effects of that. Well, mine died when I was seven, actually, the 10th anniversary was just last Sunday. I've been noticing just some things, some problems with relationships, and I was wondering if there's anything that I could do just to avoid being totally screwed up for the rest of my life.

49:22 Drew Well, we told the woman last night to get therapy, right? And that's what therapy is for.

49:26 Caller Well, I actually had two counselors already, and one of them talked to my father more than she talked to me.

49:32 Adam Are you in high school?

49:33 Caller Yeah, I am.

49:34 Adam Called from Alaska? Where in Alaska?

49:38 Caller Anchorage.

49:39 Adam That seems to be about the only place people can live.

49:41 Caller Well, half the population lives in Anchorage.

49:43 Adam Yeah, so half the folks living in Alaska, and boy, you don't want to see the other half.

49:52 Drew And half of the half that lives in Anchorage have planes.

49:55 Adam Oh, really? Yeah, you got to get around. Yeah.

49:58 Oh, pictures of drunken, rummy, mushers.

50:03 Drew No, you didn't try it. You find somebody, the way you're going to overcome the problem connecting is by having a relationship that's therapeutic, and until you do that, it's not going to get better. That is really, unless you want to kind of continue to struggle on your own, and there's going to be lots and lots of issues and lots and lots of pain that way. Sure. Yeah, go ahead.

50:27 Caller Was it just the bad luck of the draw that I found to really bad therapists or what?

50:31 Drew I suspect more that you're resistant to the process. You may not intend to be, but you are. And you can make it work. What's that? But you're going to find something like that with every single one. That's called resistance.

50:46 Adam Yes.

50:46 Drew You're going to find a reason not to like, a reason not to open up because there's some very painful issues that you'd rather not get into.

50:51 Adam Yeah. I'm just picturing like... All right. Here's your Alaskan therapist, Proud Bear. Yahee. Nanaka. Yahha. Tachachana. He's just like... You say... Oh, he'd probably use an interpreter. They got a lot of Indians up there, right? That's all they are, right? Yeah. Hey, Drew, you be my interpreter. So, I'm picturing a guy like sitting on the floor.

51:19 Drew No, no, no, no, no. He'd be a guy with a...

51:21 Adam Impaled.

51:21 Drew No, with a huge bear head with a big bear skin down his back and giant rattles, a big dream catcher.

51:26 Adam He's not on a sofa, though. He's on the floor. He's on the...

51:29 Drew You're on the floor. He's dancing around you. With a big bear on your head.

51:44 Adam Yeah, he's dancing around.

51:46 Drew Desecrating the Native American.

51:47 Adam Trying to get the spirits to come out. I'm just picturing what an Alaskan therapist is like. He's probably got a guy who can translate.

51:55 Drew At the very least, he'll have brains.

51:57 Adam I'm thinking you translate. You translate. I'm going to do a little translation for you. I'm going to be the, I'm going to be your Alaskan Indian therapist. Here's my translator. Uh-oh.

52:14 Drew It's not your fault that your mom died when you were nine.

52:21 Caller What's the problem with the entire thing is when she was dying, I didn't even know it. And apparently, she told me that she was dying, but I don't even remember that.

52:29 Drew I couldn't. You didn't want to hear it.

52:33 Caller You didn't want to hear that. I know it was pretty much a defense mechanism, but I mean, one morning I woke up and I went downstairs and she wasn't there.

52:40 Drew Must be very painful.

52:42 Caller It's stuck pretty badly. And the thing is, her grave is halfway across the world, so I can't exactly.

52:48 Drew Why over there? Why half across the world?

52:50 Caller She died in Europe. She died over there, because that's where we came from.

53:00 Drew There's a chance to start a new life under the great spirit of Alaska, like he said. But here's the deal, you've been carrying around this pain for eight years. It's time. It's time. It's time.

53:30 Caller Yes, sir, yes, sir.

53:35 Drew Yeah, you need to find yourself potentially just a nice intimate friendship could help you with this. Just being able to be close to somebody, if you're willing, if somebody's available in. A real way to you. It doesn't really matter, but there was this guy named Adam Carolla, what, genius, absolute genius. You should keep listening to him or whatever he says you should do. But it could be a boy or a girl, but girl probably, woman or female probably be a little bit less confusing, cleaner in terms of motivation. But it's a lot likely, given how painful this has been for you, that you're going to be able to do this without therapy. It's time.

54:25 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why can't I remember my it's time word? Chacha what?

54:32 Drew What? How dare you?

54:36 Adam All right, see, we moved to Alaska, I put on the ceremonial headdress and the pelts. You translate. Brian?

54:47 Caller Yes.

54:47 Adam You're 25?

54:49 Caller Correct.

54:49 Adam What's up?

54:52 Caller First time listener as of tonight, first time caller, obviously.

54:55 Adam Whatever. Whatever, yeah.

54:57 Caller Okay.

54:58 Adam Never heard the show before tonight?

55:00 Caller No. But you did a good job talking to a couple of young ladies that I've heard you talking to in the last half an hour, so thought I might call and give you this question. All right. I got a problem with one of my girlfriends.

55:14 Adam Oh, one of your girlfriends?

55:15 Caller Yeah, and it's really putting me down because I'm getting less nooky because of it.

55:19 Drew But you understand, what do you mean one of your girlfriends?

55:22 Caller I have more than one.

55:24 Drew And you have a certain...

55:25 Adam Brian said jack off.

55:28 Drew No kidding.

55:28 Adam Let's call him from Reno. Most guys are idiots who live in Reno. I was explaining that yesterday. So be prepared for worse.

55:37 Drew Oh, that's right. You said people run away to Nevada. Oh, yeah. Reno was worse.

55:41 Adam Maybe worse than Vegas. So anyway, Brian.

55:45 Caller So she's been with this married guy for a while and he's run off of his wife a couple times to her.

55:53 Drew Run off with his wife?

55:55 Caller No, run from his wife to her.

55:57 Drew I see.

55:58 Caller And she's looking at her about the fourth time that he wants to move in with her and leave his wife. And I don't think it's a very good idea because I'm getting less play. And the fact that it's totally making her go out of her mind right now.

56:12 Drew Well, A, it's never going to happen.

56:15 Adam And B, you don't have a vote because you have multiple girlfriends.

56:18 Drew How many girlfriends do you have?

56:20 Caller Three.

56:21 Drew And tell us about this one.

56:22 Adam Hold on. Let me do the tonnage work here. Three girls, I'm going to figure about 260, 275 per unit. About 740 pounds worth of broad I'm looking at. Yeah, Brian?

56:41 Caller Yeah.

56:41 Adam Do you have any kids?

56:43 Caller None.

56:43 Adam Good. That's my man. What do you do? What do you do for a living?

56:48 Caller Masonry and tile.

56:49 Adam Oh, really? You got a wet saw? You have a wet saw?

56:54 Caller I have two.

56:55 Drew Oh, two?

56:57 Caller I have one for big jobs and one for small jobs.

56:59 Adam One for doing like pavers and the other for doing like bathroom tile, right?

57:03 Caller Pavers use a different type of wet saw.

57:06 Drew Well, you have a question for him, Adam?

57:11 Adam You like thinset or mastic?

57:14 Caller I use them both. Depends on the application.

57:17 Adam That's right. What size notch trowel? Like, let's say you're just putting some four-inch bathroom tile in and you're using thinset.

57:23 Caller Four-inch bathroom tile, you want to go very close to the wall. You don't need much. You used a really worn-out 3-8.

57:32 Adam Oh. Well, that's a little wider than I would have thought. All right. And what about the thinset? Do you just whip it up a little water or do you put any additive or anything in there?

57:43 Caller You always use acrylic, especially using... Well, it depends.

57:49 Adam You always use acrylic, huh?

57:50 Caller I always do, because it creates a better bond if you're not using it.

57:55 Adam Let me say something about Brian. I wouldn't want him dating my daughter, but I would like him to do my bathroom.

58:00 Caller Yeah.

58:00 Caller Well...

58:01 Adam It's quality work.

58:02 Caller I'm 25.

58:03 Caller I'm looking heavily...

58:06 Adam I'll set you up with Drew's girl. She's 11.

58:08 Drew What kind of girls are these that you're dating?

58:11 Caller At one point in my life, I was a male escort, so I like to play a lot.

58:16 Adam Nice.

58:18 Caller I like to hang around with her.

58:20 Adam I bet he works at male escort and he gets pulled over by a cop. He probably works in a conversation. I got a question about sanded grout. Hey, Brian. Yeah. What's... Non-sanded grout, what's the maximum joint?

58:36 Caller The maximum joint on non-sanded grout?

58:38 Adam Yeah.

58:40 Caller You don't really want to go water because... Yeah, wider than water.

58:44 Adam What do you think the max is?

58:47 Caller I wouldn't go more than three-eighths.

58:49 Adam Three-eighths, that's healthy.

58:52 Caller That's a wide joint.

58:53 Adam Yeah, I would have thought that more would be like an eight-third.

58:56 Caller Good half-inch mouth trail. Well, I normally use a quarter-inch.

59:01 Caller It depends on what the owner wants, really.

59:04 Adam They come in and they bet it.

59:05 Caller They bet what the owner wants. They want what they want.

59:08 Adam So, look, here's the thing. Here's my advice. Don't get anyone pregnant, because that's going to screw you up.

59:17 Drew These women are pure objects. You're exploiting them. Let them have a life, for God's sakes. They're like animals to you.

59:26 Adam People love animals.

59:28 Drew All right, then they're less than that to him. They're like some sort of-

59:32 Adam They love those tigers.

59:33 Drew It's more like his car or something.

59:35 Adam People love their cars.

59:36 Drew You're right. It's just some convenience for him that he needs every day. It's like a vibrator or something.

59:44 Adam He's got two tile saws, so I can have two women.

59:46 Drew Yeah, he's got three women, but they're not allowed to do anything but serve him. And he doesn't think of them as anything but objects. Not a great situation.

59:56 Adam A tile in. That's not bad. Okay, I saw them in Reno. What are we showing? Brian, what are you making an hour over there?

1:00:03 Caller That's not negotiable.

1:00:06 Adam You can't negotiate it, but what is it?

1:00:09 Caller On a side job, I make around $35 an hour.

1:00:12 Adam Really? That's good money. And you'll do like, you'll do the mortar bed and that kind of stuff too?

1:00:19 Caller I'll do everything down the ceiling.

1:00:22 Adam And you don't do any hot mopping? You do?

1:00:27 Caller Sure.

1:00:28 Adam Oh, okay.

1:00:29 Caller You need it when it's done.

1:00:30 Adam All right.

1:00:31 Drew That's cool. Yeah, that's a can-do kind of guy.

1:00:33 Adam I like this man. You know, doing a shower pan, you got a hot mop it. They usually, they use other things now, but you just need to be that tar. You get up there and mop. Yeah, they mop it. And then they put water in it and they see, the inspector sees if it stays there for a couple days. Doesn't leak out. Because then once you put the tile down, that's it. That's where all those, all those old houses, you go into the shower, you see the bottom, the floor tile and about five tiles up is different color.

1:01:01 Drew Huh.

1:01:02 Adam As the pans go. They leak down. See what I'm saying?

1:01:05 Drew Yeah.

1:01:06 Adam You with me?

1:01:06 Drew Yeah, yeah. Not sure.

1:01:08 Adam Yeah, yeah. Chris, any idea what I'm talking about? No.

1:01:12 Drew No.

1:01:12 Adam Why do you care?

1:01:13 Drew Chris checked out an hour ago.

1:01:14 Adam Mom will take care of that. You don't care. The place burned down. He doesn't care.

1:01:20 Drew He's still thinking about that stripper that's called a while ago.

1:01:23 Adam Yeah.

1:01:23 Drew He was impressed by that call.

1:01:25 Adam Alex?

1:01:26 Drew Yeah.

1:01:27 Adam Are you 26?

1:01:28 Caller Uh-huh.

1:01:28 Drew Yeah.

1:01:29 Adam And by the way, Brian is the reason why chicks don't trust guys and don't like guys.

1:01:35 Caller Uh-huh.

1:01:37 Adam What's up, baby?

1:01:39 Caller Well, my boyfriend, we fight a lot. And he always tells me that he's going to have sex with his ex-girlfriend whenever we fight.

1:01:49 Adam I like that. I threaten to beat off and cry.

1:01:56 Caller Well, no, he doesn't do it, but it just kind of like bothers me. Like, I don't know if he, I mean, does he want to?

1:02:03 Drew How old is he?

1:02:04 Caller He is 28. And that they have a kid together.

1:02:08 Drew He sounds like an ass. He sounds like an ass.

1:02:11 Adam He really does sound like a jackass. He's a 28-year-old guy. Yeah, 28-year-old father. Threatening to run back and have sex with the old lady, the old, old lady. And what's the matter with you? Something's up with you.

1:02:27 Drew Why do you put up with that? Why would you be in a relationship with somebody that pairs with that?

1:02:30 Adam Look at that squeaky voice.

1:02:31 Drew And I love him is not an option.

1:02:34 Caller I think it's because my dad has always been kind of mean to me.

1:02:39 Caller There you go.

1:02:41 Adam And what do you mean mean to you?

1:02:44 Caller Well, just very like critical and like putting me down.

1:02:49 Drew You got to keep it going with a guy just like dad.

1:02:53 Caller I don't like this guy at all.

1:02:58 Drew Realize when is for one of the things you can do is if you accidentally get involved with a guy, you know, the two things you can do. Don't go out with the guys you're super attracted to because people you're very attracted to are going to be this guy.

1:03:08 Adam It's never going to work.

1:03:09 Drew A, B, go with somebody that's moderately attracted to and if he turns out to be like this guy, leave immediately. You've got to just not put up with this.

1:03:19 Caller It's like a weird like compulsion or like addictions.

1:03:22 Drew It's a compulsion.

1:03:23 Adam He knows it too. He knows you're like a junkie and he's holding.

1:03:29 Caller Yeah.

1:03:30 Adam What's he do for a living?

1:03:32 Caller Right now he works for his uncle like installing thermostats, stuff like that.

1:03:39 Adam Right now.

1:03:41 Drew Alex, this is the perfect opportunity for you to leave Orchard County before Adam directs the terrorist to do something horrible there.

1:03:48 Adam Alex, you're white, right? Yes. And what color is your boyfriend? He's white. There you go. There you go. There you go, Alcada. Two whities over there. Go get them.

1:03:58 Caller Yeah.

1:03:59 Adam We got no such luck here in Los Angeles. Maybe you get Drew if he stops getting a ticket or something, but that's going to be about it. All right, baby doll, break up with this guy. I don't trust him.

1:04:12 Caller All right.

1:04:13 Adam And by the way, he's got, first off, he's got baggage. He's got a kid. I'm sure he's the world's crampiest dad. Number two, he's got a gig with his uncle installing thermostats. Right now. Right now. I mean, that's a class A loser there. And let me tell you, let me explain how things work, Drew. You having a crampy job at the ripe old age of 28 is bad enough. You using nepotism to get that crappy job means you'd be in the joint if it weren't for your uncle. I mean, that just means basically you just hit the gutter and slid and it was nice enough to have your uncle grab you before he slid off the edge of the roof. Thermostats with the uncle. Got a kid threatening to go back and have sex with his old girlfriend. Just a company guy.

1:05:05 Drew And she knows he's abusing her. She knows it. Not that she's not aware of it, but she is.

1:05:09 Adam Yeah, everybody. Dump everybody, would you please?

1:05:12 Drew You have a good times.

1:05:13 Adam Have a good times. Melissa? Hi.

1:05:16 Drew Like you always say.

1:05:17 Adam Takes all kinds. Or, is my Indian therapist like to say, Yeah, hey. You're a nutjacker.

1:05:26 Drew Good times. It takes all kinds.

1:05:28 Adam That's right. See? I was wondering if you're going to get the cadence. Melissa?

1:05:33 Caller Yeah.

1:05:33 Adam What's up?

1:05:35 Caller I found a hard, sore lump in my right breast, and I'm only 18, so I'm wondering what it could be and if I need to get it checked out.

1:05:43 Drew You do need to get it checked. Usually, that's just fibrocystic breasts. Those are normal things. They can be influenced possibly by caffeine, nicotine, that sort of thing, chocolate. Oh, boy. But there can be other things, too. There can, of course, be tumors. That would be rare at your age. There can be infections, mastitis. You haven't been pregnant recently or anything like that?

1:06:03 Caller No.

1:06:06 Drew You can check that, but don't freak out about it.

1:06:07 Caller OK, yeah, I'm getting a little nervous about it.

1:06:09 Drew No, they might want to do an ultrasound on it, but that'll be it. I bet you.

1:06:15 Adam Being on my good times, right?

1:06:20 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:06:23 Drew Don't tell them.

1:06:23 Adam Alex, I didn't direct the terrorist toward San Diego. I said Orange County, and then I revised that to Prescott in Scottsdale, Arizona. Yeah. What's happening, Alex?

1:06:40 Drew Oh, that's good. Good times. It takes all kinds.

1:06:44 Adam Yeah.

1:06:44 Drew Yeah, Mr. Spirit, Mr. Wizard.

1:06:46 Adam Longtime Hesher, too, by the way. He dropped the F-bomb, so we had to hang up on him.

1:06:53 Drew Let's just try to get him back, though.

1:06:54 Adam No. The guy spit out the F-word. How long was he on the air, Drew?

1:07:00 Drew 20 seconds.

1:07:01 Adam Now, go ahead and deduct two seconds for the time it took me to put him on hold. He got the F-bomb out about 17 seconds into the call. You understand? It's true. Am I boring you, Mr. Pinsky?

1:07:15 Drew No, no. You never, never, never.

1:07:18 Adam I dare you, yawn. All right. People are screaming out in the hall. You want to take a break? Breaks out and gets over emotional when he fights with his brother. Let's collect some new calls. All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:07:33 Caller All right, guys.

1:07:55 This hour brought you apart by Axe.

1:07:57 Drew Experience the Axe Effect.

1:08:06 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Theoretically, Alanis Morissette is going to be in here tomorrow night.

1:08:15 Drew More potentially. Potentially.

1:08:17 Adam Potentially. Sorry. Yes. And then Jenny McCarthy is going to be in here on Thursday. Alright. You ready to rock here, Jim?

1:08:28 Caller Your girlfriend wants to stop.

1:08:29 Alright.

1:08:32 Adam Alex? Alex?

1:08:38 Alright.

1:08:39 Adam Michael?

1:08:40 Drew Uh-oh.

1:08:43 Adam No. I think we're having some problems. Alright. Well, hold on. Let's be fair to young Alex then. Alex?

1:08:49 Caller Yeah?

1:08:50 Adam What's up?

1:08:51 Caller What's up, dude?

1:08:52 Adam What's happening, brother?

1:08:53 Caller This is the dude that cussed, man.

1:08:54 Adam Oh, it's the cussing guy?

1:08:55 Drew Let's finish him up.

1:08:56 Adam No. He's done. I didn't know it was the cussing guy. Drew, didn't I tell you we were punishing him?

1:09:02 Drew We did.

1:09:03 Adam Punished him by what? Putting him on hold for another three minutes?

1:09:06 Drew That used to be the punishment.

1:09:07 Caller He's an effing great caller. Let's put him on.

1:09:09 Adam Come on, Drew. He dropped the F-bomb ten seconds into the call.

1:09:11 Drew Alright.

1:09:13 Adam Let's take a pause. Learn us a lesson. Secondly, he's been on hold less than almost anyone is on the screen. Michael? You're 25?

1:09:22 Caller I am.

1:09:24 Adam Hey, buddy, what's happening?

1:09:26 Caller Well, I'm a little bit concerned because, like, anytime there's, like, any sort of excitement at all, I have, like, a tremendous amount of pre-com, and the more excited the more it is, and it's, like, a lot, it's pretty gross and annoying.

1:09:42 Adam Yeah. Drew is a man of exquisite passion and unbridled passion, oftentimes.

1:09:48 Caller Oh, really?

1:09:48 Adam I would imagine.

1:09:49 Drew It leaks.

1:09:50 Adam You can sympathize with this man.

1:09:51 Drew Things just pour out.

1:09:53 Adam Cannot help it.

1:09:54 Drew Cannot help it.

1:09:54 Adam Cannot help. Cannot have. Yeah.

1:09:58 Drew All right.

1:09:59 Adam Now, what can you do about this, is the question?

1:10:02 Caller What can I do to stop it, exactly?

1:10:03 Drew I'm not sure. Maybe Kegel exercises or something, but I really don't think much else.

1:10:08 Adam The Kegel exercise, we can strengthen those muscles down there.

1:10:11 Drew But I'm not even sure that would really do much for this.

1:10:13 Caller But there's not like a chance that I have any sort of STD or anything?

1:10:17 Drew No. Well, if that's not pre-come and that's merely discharge and you have burn when you urinate, yeah, that of course can be an infection, but that's not pre-come.

1:10:26 Caller There's no burn whatsoever and it seems to only happen when there's some sort of excitement. So I'm okay?

1:10:35 Adam Yeah, you're a passionate man. That's all right.

1:10:37 Caller Well, it's gross, though.

1:10:39 Adam I know, and it's kind of freaky.

1:10:40 Drew But use your condoms very carefully.

1:10:41 Adam No, but it's...

1:10:42 Drew Judiciously.

1:10:42 Adam Yeah, it's freaky when you're just trying to get the BJ and the chicks again.

1:10:48 Caller And it like squirts out. Yes, it is freaky.

1:10:50 Caller I agree.

1:10:50 Drew Squirts out?

1:10:51 Caller Well, here's the thing.

1:10:54 Adam Oh, it squirts... It squirts out or it sort of leaks out? Leaks out.

1:11:00 Caller It leaks out, but when there's like... Like, if someone were to take it out of my underwear, it would like squirt just from touching it, basically.

1:11:11 Adam Hold on, I got to make a mental note. Do not take Michael's pecker out of his underpants. Okay. All right, so...

1:11:21 Drew Michael's very good-natured about this.

1:11:23 Adam You got to have a sense of humor. Do you have a girlfriend? No. Okay. Shocking. Kegel exercises couldn't hurt. Drew, what about any of those medications that dry you up?

1:11:37 Drew Yeah, I don't think...

1:11:38 Adam Probably not going to work.

1:11:39 Drew There are medicines that change the muscle tone down there of some of the sphincters, but that might have an influence. I take medication for something that's not good.

1:11:47 Adam This is one of those things where everyone sort of chalks it up to. It's like my sweaty forehead. Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, please, it's okay. It's healthy. So no one's going to mind. Tell that to the guy that's happening to it. It really sucks. You know what I'm saying? I hear you. And I'm sure this is a distraction at least for Michael. You know, he's with a woman and they're becoming intimate. It's getting to that place. They're on their fifth date. You know, all of a sudden, it's like a stain in his pants, his dribble everywhere. I think I'll tell you something that will work nicely on women, by the way. You just do that, hey, sorry, but obviously, you turn me on.

1:12:29 Drew Right. This is more than I can handle.

1:12:30 Adam You turn it into a compliment for the ladies.

1:12:33 Drew And I imagine if you ejaculate beforehand, there would be a little less of this. Just one volume basis.

1:12:38 Adam Number two, feel free to take a little TP and shove it down the UP. That's underpants. Ah. You see what I'm saying? That's probably one word, right?

1:12:50 Drew TP and the UP, that's right.

1:12:52 Caller It'll work.

1:12:52 Adam It still works. Put some TP in the UP. And then give yourself a little dabaroonies that thing's coming out. And again, work the you're so beautiful.

1:13:01 Drew The passion, yeah.

1:13:03 Adam Not the passion.

1:13:04 Drew Well, the passion for her.

1:13:05 Adam Passion for her. I think most women would really go along with that. All right. Let's talk to Jimmy who's 17. Jimmy? What's up?

1:13:15 Caller Oh, hey. I have a question about my drinking. When I when I drink, my body gets red like my face gets red.

1:13:24 Drew Are you Asian?

1:13:25 Caller Yeah, I am.

1:13:26 Adam Asian.

1:13:26 Drew Something called the Asian flush.

1:13:28 Adam Hold on a second. I got one of those playing a pie gal poker.

1:13:31 Drew Did you? You got Asian flush?

1:13:32 Adam Yeah, I was over at the.

1:13:35 Drew Is it commerce?

1:13:35 Adam I was at the horseshoe. No, El Dorado. You're on the French review. Hold on a second, Jimmy. Hold on. You're calling from Los Angeles, right? Asian guy? Hold on. Shocking. Let me find something out here. Daryl?

1:13:50 Caller Yeah.

1:13:50 Adam You're calling from Kansas?

1:13:52 Caller Yeah.

1:13:52 Adam What's your nationality?

1:13:54 Caller American.

1:13:57 Adam White guy?

1:13:58 Caller Yeah.

1:13:59 Adam Hold on. See what I'm talking about, terrorists? We got Jimmy's Los Angeles. You ain't getting Whitey out here. Just putting it out there. Nothing against the melting pot that is Los Angeles. I'm just saying, if your mission is to kill Whitey, you've come to the wrong place.

1:14:17 Drew Well, Jimmy, it's a really common thing that Asians get that actually was somewhat protective against alcoholism throughout the years.

1:14:23 Adam It was?

1:14:24 Drew Yeah, because it was hard to drink. People, they flush and they vomit is the other thing. I think it's sick.

1:14:27 Adam Why?

1:14:28 Drew They lack an enzyme that breaks down.

1:14:30 Adam But, Drew, we're all the same.

1:14:32 Drew You're judging now.

1:14:33 Adam You can't judge.

1:14:34 Drew Because everyone's exactly the same.

1:14:36 Adam We're all exactly the same, so if Asians have this, then everyone has this.

1:14:41 Drew It must be.

1:14:41 Adam Or Asians don't have it. We're all the same, Drew. We can't judge. No one can be different. What are you talking about?

1:14:47 Drew There's no genetic differences among ethnicities.

1:14:49 Adam Nothing.

1:14:50 Drew Well, it's really not if it translates into some feature, a feature like certain capabilities or certain qualities when they drink.

1:14:59 Adam Couldn't be.

1:14:59 Drew Impossible. Impossible. So, Asian flush is very common, particularly in Japan. People have learned to drink past the flush, and alcohol has become such an endemic part of the culture now. So, now we're starting to see more alcoholism in Japan, interestingly, it's no longer protective because people drink past the flush.

1:15:17 Adam Yeah. So, maybe I'd just...

1:15:20 Drew Not drink.

1:15:21 Adam Well, yeah. And you stick with opium because that's more, that's what your people were meant to ingest. You know what I'm saying? Booze is not your thing. Opium. Now, that's your thing. See what I'm saying?

1:15:34 Caller Yeah.

1:15:36 Adam Look, this is... You're 17. You're not supposed to be drinking anyway.

1:15:39 Caller Yeah, I know, but in parties, like, it comes up.

1:15:42 Drew Yeah, well, there you go. You say you have a medical condition now.

1:15:44 Adam How are you doing? How are you doing in school?

1:15:47 Caller Pretty good.

1:15:48 Adam Really?

1:15:48 Caller Yeah, I'm about to graduate.

1:15:50 Adam Where are you going to go to college?

1:15:52 Caller Junior college.

1:15:54 Drew And then off to Irvine?

1:15:55 Caller No, I'm going to become a nurse.

1:15:57 Adam Oh, wow. Junior college? Asian?

1:16:02 Caller Yeah.

1:16:02 Adam Parents are going to kill themselves.

1:16:05 Caller My parents went to junior college themselves.

1:16:09 Adam Whoa, whoa, whoa. Which Asian are you? Oh, okay. Why didn't you say so? That's cool. All right. All right, buddy. All right, take care. And listen, you go to that junior college, you focus on nursing. That's all.

1:16:25 Drew That's not really junior college, then.

1:16:26 Adam Well, I want to see you sport. I want you to be sporting them white shoes in the next 18 months, right?

1:16:31 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:16:33 Adam And listen, male nurses with the white earth shoes. That's creepy. How about letting the male nurses just have a shred of dignity and put some high tops on? They got to wear those goofy white shoes, too? You know what I'm saying, Drew?

1:16:49 Drew I guess they don't have to wear the little origami hats.

1:16:53 Adam Oh, really? Yeah, that's a good point. All right, well, I was confused with the old junior college Asian thing with the Filipino. That straightened it out. Do they? Yes, true. And do the Filipinos have the Asian flush thing, too?

1:17:09 Drew I wasn't as aware of it from them, but it makes sense.

1:17:10 Adam I wouldn't have thought of it.

1:17:11 Drew But it's considered Asian flush, though.

1:17:15 Adam Let's talk to... It's just an enzyme. Yeah.

1:17:19 Drew A lack of an enzyme.

1:17:21 Adam Jamie? You're 24?

1:17:24 Caller Yes, I am. My boyfriend and I have an incredible relationship. We get along really well most of the time. But when we fight, I tend to get incredibly over emotional about it. Like, the fight will end if we're, like, at our perspective homes. We'll get off the phone and I get... I feel like I just overreact. We're still okay. Everything's gonna be okay. But in the moment, I get incredibly... I feel very destructive. I don't act out most of the time, but I feel that way.

1:18:01 Drew Hold on a second. Hold on a second. So it's when you end a phone call that was unpleasant?

1:18:06 Caller That was just... No, that was just an example. It's just when we fight. Which isn't...

1:18:09 Drew And what did you... Give us the example. Let's keep going to this phone call example. Okay. Well... What happened after you put the phone down?

1:18:18 Caller Well, this particular instance, which was just tonight before I called, nothing happened. Which is actually why I called you, to prevent myself from doing anything.

1:18:27 Drew Something just happened in here. What was your impulse to do?

1:18:30 Adam Always funny.

1:18:32 Drew What was your impulse?

1:18:33 Caller Nothing.

1:18:33 Adam No pop. Nothing at all.

1:18:35 Caller What?

1:18:36 Drew What was your impulse?

1:18:37 Adam I got nothing.

1:18:39 Caller Well, there were lots of urges there, but I suppose that the one that was...

1:18:41 Drew What were they, Jamie? What were they?

1:18:43 Adam A little something.

1:18:45 Caller I want to do some damage to myself. You want to cut?

1:18:49 Drew You want to cut?

1:18:54 Caller That urge is there, but I haven't done that in about a year and a half, so I have to keep that one...

1:19:00 Drew Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. Look, Jamie, you can't talk in riddles and expect us to understand what's going on with you. Adam has his finger on the hold button. He is very impatient with people that don't answer questions directly. That's right. Here's the deal. You are a cutter. Cutting is a chronic state of affairs. It suggests severe emotional difficulties. It's something you have to get treatment for. In a typical circumstance, when people feel like cutting, is when they feel overwhelmed. When they have intense feelings and they can't regulate the intensity and the duration of feelings. And so they are reaching for some way to manage these feelings and you have all these intense impulses to do these crazy things. Well, they are not crazy. They are just all your brain has and all you know to regulate. You have got to get treatment so you can overcome this and actually have internal regulatory systems so you don't feel so awful all the time.

1:19:53 Caller Hey.

1:19:53 Adam Now, we want to talk to Mike who is 24 or 25, who has had over 200 partners. Why is it whenever we talk to a guy who has had a whole bunch of partners, he is always just a colossal jack-off?

1:20:04 Drew Yeah.

1:20:04 Adam I am always sorry I spoke to him.

1:20:06 Drew Let's talk to you.

1:20:07 Adam And it ends up being a commercial. It is like, I can't stop banging chicks and I would like to stop, I would like to settle down but you know, women are really attracted to me which is sort of the subtext of the whole thing and the guy is always an idiot. Do you think Mike is going to be there?

1:20:22 Drew No, let's talk to you. Yes, I do. Really? Yeah, they are always that guy. You are right now my pal.

1:20:26 Adam No, I got to know. Mike?

1:20:28 Caller Yeah, I appreciate the comment.

1:20:29 Caller Thanks.

1:20:30 Caller That was a nice comment, idiot.

1:20:32 Adam Well, they usually are. That is okay.

1:20:34 Caller I am not really an idiot though. I have been kind of lucky and always been the lead guy with my buddies so I am usually the guy that gets lucky. I go out a lot so.

1:20:42 Adam Lucky 200 times?

1:20:44 Caller Yeah, man. I have been in some good situations I guess. But, you know, I have had two relationships for about a year and a half, two years that I have tried to keep as good as possible. I have been very loyal to both of them but.

1:20:56 Adam No fooling around on the two relationships.

1:20:59 Caller Not even, not either one of them. One of them, the first one cheated on me and the second one we had, she was very emotional. She had internal problems with her own self.

1:21:08 Caller I couldn't handle being around her anymore.

1:21:11 Caller So I, my question for you guys is.

1:21:13 Adam Hold on a second. What?

1:21:17 Drew She has, he's describing women with some serious issues and think who would they be attracted to? What kind of guy would they be attracted to?

1:21:25 Adam Well, lucky Mike, he's a lead man. Alright, Mike. What do you do?

1:21:32 Caller A bulimic.

1:21:32 Adam What do you do? Do you sell something?

1:21:34 Caller I work with concerts.

1:21:38 Adam You work with concerts?

1:21:39 Drew A motor.

1:21:40 Adam A motor.

1:21:42 Drew That's selling.

1:21:43 Adam Yeah, I'll tell you, guys who do sort of sales, essentially, do have a little advantage out there with the chicks is really just trying to sell your genitalia to them. You think about it. Alright, so anyway, you've had sex with 200 women.

1:21:59 Caller What I'm actually asking you guys is...

1:22:01 Adam Over 200, yeah.

1:22:02 Caller I go out with a girl I'm very attracted to and I definitely would like to get no more and I purposely try not to have sex with them and I try not to do anything forward as far as sexually wise and I just go out to a nice dinner and do the whole deal and they usually give me a kiss goodbye and not even me trying to give them a kiss and they never call me again. Am I not trying hard enough?

1:22:25 Adam Well, hold on a second. Is there someone specifically you're speaking about or just this is something that happens over and over again?

1:22:31 Caller The sixth time, now when I date an older woman, like in her 30s, 32, 33, it usually turns different. They usually are stuck to me and I have to kind of release them but when I try to date a girl my own age, I'm trying to stay.

1:22:45 Drew What do you mean they never call you? Why don't you call them?

1:22:47 Caller Well, it's not, no, no, no, I call them but they never call me back. I'm really puzzled by this.

1:22:54 Adam Hold on. You go out with the girl, she's agreed to go out with you. You go out on a date, she knows it's a date. You go out, you have a nice dinner, maybe you see a movie. At the end of the night, she gives you a kiss and then when you call her back, she doesn't want to talk, she doesn't want to go out again.

1:23:15 Drew You leave a message on her machine or something.

1:23:17 Caller Yeah, I mean, I call her, but Max, I'll call her twice because you don't ever want to, you know, women today think that you're harassing them now.

1:23:25 Adam Now, hold on a second, let me talk to Drew. What's the part where they give him a kiss? That seems, look, here's the deal. When you go out with a chick, she knows about, let's just say 20 minutes into the date if she's going out on a second date with you. And what she'll do is she'll hang with it through the meal. Because what are you going to do? You picked her up. What you won't do is go out after the meal. All right, let's work this out, Drew.

1:23:53 Drew Yeah, I think I've got it.

1:23:54 Adam I don't care about Mike. I'm just talking in general now. If you're going out, well hold it, hold it to yourself.

1:24:01 Drew Forever.

1:24:03 Adam All right. If you're going out with a chick, she will decide by the time you put her in the car back out of the driveway and start down the street, whether she's pretty much into the second date or not, unless you really screw up, get drunk during dinner. Now here's how you know if you're going on a second date or not. It's not by what she says, it's by what you do after you do whatever your initial thing is. If you go out and eat dinner and then you say, hey, it's a nice night, how about we take a walk on the beach or we get a bottle of wine and we go up to the, yeah, if they go, I got an early morning, there's not going to be a second date.

1:24:38 Drew And then by the way, that girl is taking control of the situation. She will also, but lest you lay a sloppy one on, when it comes time to say good night, she'll grab you and go and run off. Right, because she doesn't want to get in any kind of make out sessions.

1:24:52 Adam That's right. That, very good point, Drew. She will initiate a kiss, but it will be on her terms. Her terms.

1:24:59 Drew It's just a quick one or rather.

1:25:00 Adam Yeah. She'll get a quick one that she gave, gives her grandpa rather than have to deal with that sloppy tongue of yours. And there will be no, there'll be talk about the second date. Oh no, great. No, fine. No, I got an early morning call me, call me, call me anything just to get home. Quick kiss. Yes, she initiates no second date. That's how that goes. Now, why Mike, who's been able to get over 200 women in the sack is having trouble with women that already agreed to go out with them.

1:25:33 Drew No, he's having trouble with some women, not all of them, six times. He's trying to have relationship with the kind of women he's supposed to be with. He's a perfect gentleman. I wouldn't dare anything sexual with them. They see through them. They see through them.

1:25:45 Adam Interesting. Yeah, they're a little too smart.

1:25:47 Caller Yeah. Take a...

1:25:51 Adam We'll get back with Mike. I bet he gets late during the commercial break. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:25:59 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:26:04 Adam Guess how many terrific sense ants deodorant body spray comes in? No, it's more. No, more. Anyway. Love. That's my part over there, Dr. Drew. Hey, good to see you, buddy. Looking good today. 7-20, 20th, 7 o'clock. I got traffic weather coming up. What is it? It's a twofer. What day is it? We hump day yet?

1:26:37 Drew Hump day, twofer, yeah.

1:26:38 Adam When we're in September? What month are we in? September?

1:26:40 Drew September, June.

1:26:41 Adam Sure it's not October yet? You know, it's great when you travel, and you're driving through Colorado, it's like, hey, we got a twofer Tuesday.

1:26:52 Caller Twofer Tuesday, that's ours.

1:26:55 Adam Radio has like six lame ideas, and ideas that should have been squashed immediately, like hey, how about Rocktober? How about you kill yourself, Bert? How about you're fired? How about September? How about no severance pay now? Get the F out of here. These are the kind of ideas where the people that floated them should have been punched.

1:27:17 Drew Instead.

1:27:17 Adam Instead, they spread all over.

1:27:19 Drew The radio dynasty.

1:27:20 Adam Yeah, like some really crappy, like a bad franchise that's made it all over the country. The world's crappiest burgers and somehow they're in every city. Hey, we got a hump day. It's Wednesday coming up. We got Superstition coming up. We got a Rocktober and a Led Zeppelin coming up. It's two for Tuesday, everybody. That's what radio is. It's horrible ideas being driven into the ground. All right. Great rock here, Drew.

1:27:48 Drew Yeah, it's Rocktober.

1:27:49 Adam Oh, Drew was just saying during the break, he wants to go to that California amusement center park there, the Disneyland.

1:27:55 Drew The Tower of Terror.

1:27:57 Adam No, I don't want to do that Tower of Terror.

1:27:59 Drew We went to the one in Florida. It's fantastic.

1:28:01 Adam I did that one in Florida.

1:28:02 Drew Yeah.

1:28:03 Adam I'll go for that.

1:28:04 Drew You don't like the fall.

1:28:05 Adam I don't like being dropped.

1:28:05 Drew You don't like the negative, they pull you down. It's not just dropping. I think they're accelerating you.

1:28:10 Adam Are they accelerating you?

1:28:10 Drew I think they are, yeah. That's why it's so uncomfortable.

1:28:13 Adam Well, dropping's bad enough. I mean, Magic Mountain has the one that just drops.

1:28:20 Drew Yeah.

1:28:21 Adam Oh, I almost S'd myself on that one because I'll tell you the worst part about the free fall one at Magic Mountain. What is it called? Is it just free fall? You go up, I don't know. Realistically, it's 11 stories, maybe 12 stories. High enough, by the way. And you're in a rat cage, essentially. It just climbs up to your own little elevator, pushes you out on the end. And once it pushes you out, it's just like, whoo, you see hawks soaring by and stuff. And there's a moment of bizarre serenity. And it makes it like a click. And you sit there for like one Mississippi pill. And then pop, you hear a pow. And you just drop. And you have a visceral reaction. You can't help it, you just scream.

1:29:06 Drew You nearly urinate yourself.

1:29:07 Adam I did it, I was with my Catholic little brother way back in the day, Nate. And they would send you, it was two for day. You did two for Tuesday, you have it? Everything, you do everything twice. Unless you're right, it wasn't crowded. So I was like, now, when I went out there, they had a problem. So they slid us out to the end. And it was that part where it's like, okay, one, 1000. But I get to three Mississippi, they're gonna drop. No, they stopped it. Because the person down at the bottom was in their cart, stopped.

1:29:37 Drew Oh my God.

1:29:38 Adam And it's like, I was just sitting there going, they're gonna drop this. I come sliding down at 200 miles an hour, ram right into this person. That's underneath me. And so I was just sort of sitting there, not in the prone position, waiting to get dropped. But the person was underneath us. And I'm sure they had it under control. But how about getting on the bullhorn there?

1:29:58 Drew Yeah.

1:29:59 Adam Cause they're trying to get the guy moving because if they dropped us, we would have just collided into him.

1:30:04 Caller Yeah.

1:30:04 Drew So now you've got a post-traumatic stress reaction, can't do anything.

1:30:07 Adam But the ride up. I don't like being dropped.

1:30:08 Drew The ride up until that. I don't like being dropped that way. The drop is very cool, you know?

1:30:11 Adam I don't like being, okay, the ride up. Very cool. Up until, but the drop part, I don't like. All right, and I, no, I don't think it's necessary to pull you down, and I don't think they really. They don't, negative Gs. Just dropping you is, that's enough. All right, so Drew, you'll not be doing that. Tower of Terror, it's got the word terror right in it. Tia? All right, and oh, what do you know, our stud that's slept with over 200 women is hungover. What's up, baby doll?

1:30:43 Caller I have a question for Dr. Drew.

1:30:44 Adam Yep.

1:30:46 Caller I have three nipples and I just had a baby like three months ago.

1:30:49 Drew Fantastic.

1:30:50 Caller And like there's milk coming out of all three of them.

1:30:53 Drew Wow, that's very efficient.

1:30:55 Caller Yeah, and it's, I don't know, like I've always been depressed because of it, you know, cause I'm not normal. I don't feel normal because of it.

1:31:02 Drew It sits down below the one of them?

1:31:04 Caller It's right on the side of my right one.

1:31:06 Drew On the side?

1:31:07 Adam So, let's try again, cause it is one of our calls. It's to the right side or the left side?

1:31:16 Caller It's on the right side, like right next to where the normal one is supposed to be.

1:31:20 Drew So it's almost like a split nipple kind of.

1:31:22 Caller Yeah, and I was wondering if it was, if it can be harmful or something.

1:31:28 Drew No, no. It's good times. Yeah.

1:31:30 Caller And I want it removed, but.

1:31:32 Adam Well, it's warming itself up.

1:31:33 Drew Yeah, it sounds like it's just, you have sort of the split nipple there. It's not really an extra nipple. It's just.

1:31:38 Caller No, it is an extra one, though. Like there's a normal one and then there's one like right next to it.

1:31:42 Drew Yeah, it's really kind of part of the same one. Is that the point? Yeah. So it's just one of them things.

1:31:49 Adam Look at times, though. And you're 18, you already got a kid, huh?

1:31:53 Caller Yeah, unfortunately.

1:31:55 Adam Are you married?

1:31:56 Caller No, my boyfriend or the baby's dad is in prison.

1:32:00 Drew Oh, that's great. Takes a while.

1:32:01 Adam What's he in prison for?

1:32:02 Caller Attempted murder.

1:32:03 Caller Attempted murder?

1:32:08 Adam Kid's gonna be president. All right. All right, no more kids, right?

1:32:13 Drew Are you a Mormon? All right, all right.

1:32:17 Adam I rarely say this, but get into it.

1:32:20 Drew She needs to become a Mormon.

1:32:21 Adam Become a Mormon, please. All right, yes, good times. Ah, the kid's, the kid's gonna win the Hillbell Peace Prize.

1:32:28 Drew I hope she dedicates herself to it.

1:32:29 Adam Please, no more pregnancies, take care of that kid.

1:32:31 Drew Here we go.

1:32:31 Adam All right, we'll be back. What's the matter, Drew?

1:32:45 Drew No, nothing.

1:32:47 Adam Don't get defensive, dude.

1:32:49 Drew No, no, dude.

1:32:50 Adam You okay, brother? Hey, are we cool?

1:32:52 Drew Not a chair.

1:32:53 Adam Yeah, hey? All right. Yes, we are cool. Alanis Morissette, possibly, tomorrow night. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:33:10 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Tuesday, May 25, 2004