Episode 1000615681010

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

0:57 Voiceover The listener discretion is advised.

1:05 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew. Board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, and he cares about the kids. And speaking of the kids, tonight, this show we dedicate to the kids, we have Pedro. Now, did I screw this up last time? Is it Muñiz? Muñiz? Muñiz. Muñiz?

1:28 Caller That's a disaster.

1:30 Adam Yes?

1:31 It's like the moon and knees you just combined.

1:33 Adam Muñiz?

1:34 Yes.

1:34 Adam And Luis Hernandez. Not Luis?

1:39 Pretty much Luis, Luis, Luis.

1:41 Adam Yeah. All right, we'll call you Luis. We'll call you Sweet Luis. We were talking, well, the guys were in here about a year ago. From LAPD, and they're talking about this sober graduation. And what they're trying to do is give kids not to drive drunk and ramp the cars around other kids and light posts and things like that. Because every year, that's what happens. These lightweights, they go out celebrating. They drink some Mickey's in the park. We were there. Coke was Drew's drug of choice. But for me, it was a couple of beers in the park, very innocent, and you go out driving and you could get into trouble.

2:22 Drew Always take an issue with the lightweights.

2:23 Adam That's right. That's right.

2:25 Well, those are the ones that actually get in trouble because they're not used to the alcohol reaction.

2:32 Drew Don't encourage them.

2:33 Adam Right. They're not heavyweights.

2:34 Drew Don't encourage them.

2:34 Adam They're not heavyweights.

2:35 Drew He's going to end up saying that people, if they deem themselves heavyweights, should be drinking and driving. Lightweights, neither.

2:42 Adam No. I just want the sticker on my license that can designate a guy who can hold a couple of Vicodin and a few shots of Jaeger. Whereas my mom, she sniffs some champagne cork. She's out of her mind. You see what I'm saying? Why should we have the same number? That's all. It's not fair. Believe me, what I can do loaded, Drew. Drew, I've done radio shows, built buildings, made love to a sofa pillow.

3:13 Yeah.

3:13 Adam It's certainly driven. Oh, well, it happens. It happens, but never been in an accident and never got a 502 or a DUI or a DWI. Can't we just call it, is it DUI or DWI and it depends where you are.

3:29 DUI out here.

3:30 It's becoming the national gold-lettered.

3:34 Drew Something has been nationalized, Adam. You should be delighted. Finally.

3:37 Adam Driving under the influence of DUI, one thing that hasn't really been nationalized is.08.

3:44 Not quite yet. There are some states that are still fighting it. Actually not compliant, but.

3:48 Adam Fighting a good fight.

3:49 Mothers Against Drunk Driving, they were the driving force of the.08.

3:56 Adam Right. There used to be, well, let's do a little history on this because I'm going to get jealous, but there used to be just.1, right? That's right..1, and probably wasn't anything for the first 50 years, was there?

4:09 Well, not really, because no one actually pay attention to it.

4:13 Adam Just check you out, take a sleep it off. I mean, if you're a loaded officer, just take in and don't drive, you go to the drunk tank, right?

4:21 Yeah. And it was not a big deal until actually it stopped being a quote unquote accident and it became actually somewhat of a premeditated homicide. Yeah, and that's the level that is being taken care of here in California.

4:34 Adam So if you're over, well, you don't have to be over.08, right? You could just be intoxicated, be.04 into an accident.

4:43 And not being able to actually even walk. I've seen people, adults.

4:48 Adam Wait, oh, can't hang with them.

4:50 No, no, no, seriously, adults. Let's say a person that weighs 120 pounds and they drink one cup of wine after a stressful day at work, hardly any food, hardly anything. They take that drink and next thing, they're all over the table or they're flat on the floor. They just cannot handle it.

5:09 Adam All right, so they can't come to the party.

5:12 Drew LW.

5:12 Adam That's it. They have the lightweight designation.

5:15 Drew It should be like this.

5:17 Adam You're doing like a gang sign?

5:18 Drew The square sign.

5:20 Adam All I want is right next to the donor sticker. I want the I want the heavyweight designation. It puts me at point one eight.

5:26 Drew Yeah, there is a bit.

5:27 There's a point. One eight.

5:28 Drew The square sign. Usually two boxing gloves coming together.

5:31 Adam Yeah. That's a lot. Two heavy two heavyweight boxing gloves coming together. And let me just say this once in a while, you hear about the guy who got pulled over and he was nine or ten times the legal limit and everyone's like, oh, my God, that's got a that guy's got a problem. To me. That means the limits a little hot, a little low. If you can go ten times, if you're still driving a car ten times, we need to raise it up.

5:51 Drew No, no.

5:52 Adam You see what I'm saying?

5:53 Drew People become tolerant to it over time. All right.

5:56 Adam Every way.

5:56 That is true. I agree with that.

5:57 Drew And so they can have much higher levels and seem not even as intoxicated as the guy that Louis is talking about. I mean, do you think they're impaired?

6:04 Adam I bet you could win this case in court, which is basically to say you'd come in, Drew. You'd have to you'd have to be expert testimony here. But you would say, look, this guy, I've seen this guy on an airplane, demolish off five Bloody Marys and a couple of Vicodin and get out of the captain's chair and came back and talk to everybody. He's having a conversation. He's looking good. Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, you've traveled with me.

6:25 Drew Oh, you.

6:26 Adam Yeah, me. Talk about me.

6:29 Drew Oh, yeah. Yeah.

6:33 Adam It's a you make the argument that.08 little light for me.

6:36 Drew Your motor intoxication, your your thought process is completely derailed.

6:40 Adam But your motor intoxication and that I have such an exquisite level of coordination that even even when it's it's hampered by the booze, still not as low as half the guys on the road.

6:51 You really one of these people who drink a lot and you think you're OK because sometimes when you drink a lot, you think, oh, yeah, I'm so OK. And everyone looks at you thinking, oh, this guy is Pedro.

6:58 Drew Please don't get on this path. I'm you have no idea what I mean.

7:03 Adam I'm blitzed right now.

7:04 Drew I got to be honest.

7:05 If you were to take an alcoholic and denial and attack their denial, there's a people talking philosophy and everything, realizing that they're at their peak and you realize all these guys are gone.

7:15 Adam No, they're not. Yeah. My friends, they don't do the philosophy. They start working dude in a lot.

7:20 Drew I love you, man.

7:21 And I love it, man.

7:22 Adam Yeah. And then they get into that thing where they go to you pretend like, you know, cool, but you know what's going on.

7:31 You got it. You know your old friends, Hollywood fags, tell you that right now, tell you everything you want to hear, blow it smoke up. Yeah. I'll tell you what I feel.

7:41 Adam It's like, all right, I like a little smoke once in a while. But here's my point. The kids, they go out celebrating for for graduation and they get drunk and then they get into trouble. And by the way, and you know, you can hurt somebody, you can hurt yourself, you can kill somebody, you can kill yourself. But you ruin your life these days with the DUI. I mean, because let's just talk to our our stupid listeners. They don't think they're going to get drunk and kill somebody. They think they're going to get drunk and they might get pulled over. And you get pulled over. It's it's suspended license. It's thousands of dollars. Next thing you're going, you're going into classes. You're going to like rehab and stuff, whether you have a problem or not. Yes.

8:24 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

8:26 Drew What are the laws now? So you get your first violation.

8:28 Caller What happens after the first violation? Of course, you go through the probation time. It could be one year. It could be up to five years. It depends to the judge. It depends the actual level of intoxication.

8:38 Adam Well, these are good questions because, you know, especially back in the day, I would work with a lot of the Latino labor guys when I was swinging a hammer. Some of these guys had like six DUIs and nothing really happened to them in those days. Yeah, they had tons of DUIs. It was no big deal. And then I had a buddy, Alex, who got popped in his driveway, by the way, which to me, that's all the only option for your home base. Now you make it on your own property.

9:05 Drew Just genetic inferiority. That's Darwin.

9:07 Adam Poor guy was like a guy was like point away. And this guy's riding his bike. He was an attorney, which was funny. Right. He's riding his bike to work for the next six months because they took away his license. And he was going to AA meetings and stuff. And this guy, that's probably the only time ever drunk in his life. So the point is, is why does it vary so much? Can't they just standardize it? Why should it vary from judge to judge? You know, if it's if it's.08 or over and you know, you didn't kill anybody, shouldn't it just be automatic year suspension, automatic rehab or whatever it is? You know what I'm saying?

9:43 Caller Well, for some reason, the judges look at the entire picture of what actually happened. What were the the incident prior to the arrest?

9:51 Drew And how would you be likely to take your first offense and heat it up to a incarceration? It to strike the officer or something?

9:59 Caller Well, not necessarily. If the person is so completely intoxicated and he or she cannot take care of himself and be a danger to others, not only will be a rest, but that person is going to be staying inside for a while until he or she sleep it off.

10:11 Drew No, I mean prison.

10:13 Caller Oh, well, a prison is when you actually hurt somebody after you have to hurt somebody. Oh, yeah. You kill somebody or what?

10:19 Drew But the second offense, you're going to do some time, too.

10:22 Adam Actually, well, not too true. You don't do time the first time.

10:25 Caller Well, it will be.

10:26 Adam It's your invention.

10:27 Caller It will be. Let's say then the first four are misdemeanors, the first three are misdemeanors, the fourth one becomes a felony automatically.

10:35 Drew I have patients. I never know whether to believe my patients, of course, but they go, oh, yeah, first DUI. Man, I did three days and I can't.

10:42 Adam No.

10:42 Caller It's part of the sentence.

10:45 Drew I would assume they attacked the officer or something. They did something, or they tried to kill somebody while they were loaded.

10:49 Adam Well, it's all over the place, is the point, and it varies from judge to judge. But normally, your first DUI, if you don't hurt anybody, you have to go through all the fines and all the rehab stuff and the classes and all that stuff and the probation with the license being taken away and everything, but you don't actually go in the joint.

11:08 Drew I have patients that do that. I'm wondering what it is. Or what it is they had to do to get to that point. What else did they do?

11:14 Adam Because everything is like, well, they had to have some like outstanding warrants or something like that.

11:19 Drew That's what I'm saying. I think they tried to attack somebody and that's what happened.

11:22 Caller Well, besides attacking somebody, let's say then they did not attack the officer, they did not hit the wife or one of those common known felonies. Pretty much it has to do with injuries if there is a traffic accident in some particular case. Yes.

11:38 Adam Got it.

11:39 Caller And believe me, the judges are pretty stiff right now. Not to mention the fact that Mothers Against Drunk Driving nowadays, in a positive way, are actually making the fines a lot stronger, a lot tougher to these people. So hopefully they will get the picture.

11:56 Adam I'll tell you what, let's take some of that money and fill some potholes instead of buying more right hand drive chevettes for the god damn meter mates. Let me just say this. You know, you know, guess which city has the worst roads in the United States or is at least top ten of the worst roads?

12:13 Caller Besides LA?

12:14 Adam Los Angeles. Los Angeles. Yeah. And what, what, what city has the three most congested freeway intersections in the world?

12:21 Caller Los Angeles.

12:22 Adam Los Angeles. What freeway leads the whole god damn free world in traffic tickets and, and the parking tickets? It's got to be Los Angeles. How about we take some of that money, funnel it into our horrible roads? Can we do that? What, what's wrong with that?

12:37 Caller Nothing wrong with it.

12:38 Adam Nothing.

12:39 Caller That's right.

12:40 Adam And let me say this. Here's what I got. We talked about this a year ago. You've done nothing for me, Luis. Nothing.

12:46 Caller Thank you.

12:47 Adam The arrow situation in this godforsaken town of ours.

12:50 Drew Remember this conversation?

12:51 Adam The arrows that turn red while the signal's green. And I just sit there like a retard waiting, waiting to get T-boned by one of your trunk drivers.

13:01 Drew That almost happened to me.

13:03 That almost happened to me.

13:04 Adam Here's what I would like to do. Okay, here's a lawsuit. Are you ready? You're out here. It's Culver Boulevard. It's the middle of the night. It's 12 at night. It's after show. You can see so far down Culver Boulevard, it's so straight that you see the curvature of the earth. You actually see the horizon start bending before you see any headlights coming your way. Right. Now, the light is green. It's not getting any greener. It's been green for a long time. And you're just sitting there rotting in your car, waiting to get carjacked because why? Because the arrow is red. That's why. Now, here's what happens. You get t-boned by a drunk driver. You get made into a quad. You got a moped that you got with the four wheel and the wheelchair and you got to use your mouth to blow on the thing to get around. Don't you think you can sue the city and win? That you shouldn't have been sitting there all night when there's no traffic, that they should have timed those things? Where's the timers on the things? What do we want to do in this city? We want to move traffic? We should. Do we want to or do we just want to harass people that have automobiles? Because all it seems to me is we want to F with people that F cars. Is there anybody that wants to get it moving? Let's get it going. Oh, everybody. Oh, guess what? Highway Patrol is doing a sweep. We're cracking down on speeders.

14:22 Caller What speeders? We can't move. Nobody's speeding. Crack down on speeders. Why don't you crack down on A-holes and don't turn right on the red?

14:32 Adam They hold up the old goddamn street.

14:33 Drew Old town.

14:34 Caller The old town. How come there's nobody in this town getting anybody to move? Where's the mach now? Where's the pick it up? Why can't we move?

14:43 Adam Why can't they time the signals? If there's a nickel in it for them, they would put those things on those godforsaken arrows. A nickel, a red nickel for any of those A-holes over there. They would do it, but what do they care? Let everyone rock. Well, let me tell you this, I drive through every single one of those, everyone, every time, no questions asked, day and night, every red arrow where the light's green, pow, I'm gone. I made it through like 1500 of them and I'm so far ahead of the game, Drew. I feel like Superman. I ignore it.

15:13 Drew You've saved eight years of your life.

15:15 Adam I pray that everyone within the sound of my voice drives through those needless red arrows.

15:19 Drew Let me make it clear, you don't drive heedlessly into oncoming traffic.

15:24 Adam No, you know what I do, Drew? I pretend I'm at the signal that was before the one that didn't have the thing and I turn like a human being.

15:31 Drew Yeah, it's like a responsible driver.

15:33 Adam Yeah, because here it is. 85% of the signals don't have the arrow, 15% do. Why can't I just use the same judgment I used on the other 85 when I turned left? Oh, what's wrong with this town? What can you do? Go yell at your superiors. Isn't there anybody over there you can yell at? No. I got to talk to one of these guys. Can't they do the time? Why don't they time things? What's wrong with this city?

15:55 Caller How come we can't pick it up?

15:57 Adam How come everybody doesn't know you can turn right? And by the way, let me say one thing. I'm fired up, Drew.

16:02 Caller I can see that right away.

16:04 Adam We got a PSA for everything in this city. Everything. There's public service announcements. Everyone whining all the time.

16:12 Caller Secondhand smoke. Anyone know anyone who's died of secondhand smoke? Whose life has been impacted by secondhand smoke?

16:20 Adam Oh, boy, we all have a loved one that was taken by the hand of secondhand smoke. Or do we? Or have we never heard of it? Or does it not exist? I don't want to hear another thing about secondhand smoke. I want something that says, hey, people, let's get it moving.

16:34 Caller Let's go now. Shake your ass.

16:36 Adam Let's focus now. And let me tell you something else, LAPD, sheriff, highway patrol, meter maids, we ain't just handing out tickets to people that break the speed limit anymore, run through a, or God forbid, coast through a four way stop sign. Well, no, no, if we catch you napping, we catch you napping when that light turns, pow, you're getting a nuisance.

16:56 Drew Defiling the speed limit.

16:57 Caller Yeah.

16:58 Drew Defiling it.

16:58 Adam You're going 45 in a 65.

17:00 Caller You're getting a ticket.

17:03 Adam You didn't turn right when you could have turned right. Yes, the signal's red, but it's legal in California.

17:08 Drew You cost Adam 20 minutes of his life.

17:10 Adam You cost me 20 seconds of my price. I'm very literally millionaire. Literally, literally, very important, man. You're getting a ticket. You're getting a ticket. Everybody who ain't shaking their asses getting a ticket. We catch you daydreaming, napping on a green light, you're getting a ticket. How about that?

17:26 Caller Where's the PSA?

17:28 Adam Where's the PSA that says we could get this godforsaken city moving 30% faster, people would wake up and start shaking their ass just a little bit? Nobody. You know what we hear? Slow down, slow down, slow down. Hey, hey, what's the rush? Slow down, everyone, slow down, speed kill, slow down.

17:45 Caller First off, if we slow down any more, we'll be moving backwards.

17:48 Adam I'll be back in high school with a bad haircut if we slow down any more. How about something that says, let's go, let's pick it up. Let's speed it up. Where's that? Tell me where that PSA is.

17:57 I think that would be a great PSA there, Louie.

18:00 Drew I would like to do that.

18:02 Adam Pedro, I could cut, let's go, let's go.

18:06 Drew Well, metronome going in the background.

18:08 Adam Yeah, let's go, let's pick it up. Uh-oh, uh-oh, and don't get me going on those million-dollar freeway signs that say nothing. Oh, yes, who runs those?

18:16 Caller Who runs those? Who runs that? Who runs those freeway signs that say nothing, ever?

18:22 Adam Even though the whole 101 is closed on South Pole, you're not going southbound on the 101, you'll be detoured. Nope, not on the sign.

18:29 Drew Oh, but the DeVore Pass.

18:31 Adam DeVore Pass, look out. 70 miles down the road, a place you'll never be, there's a ramp that may be partially closed. What is that? Who runs those things? Who's in charge of those things?

18:42 Caller What's going on in this city?

18:44 Adam What's wrong with everybody?

18:46 Caller There's nobody in charge of anything?

18:48 Adam Who does the signs? Find me the sign guy.

18:50 Caller I want to talk to that a-hole. He does nothing. We have million dollar signs there, they don't work.

18:56 Adam What are we interested in in this city?

18:58 You know, he's been waiting 20 months to say this.

19:01 Drew He didn't know.

19:01 Caller I can see that. That's why I'm keeping quiet.

19:04 He's yelling at me about this stuff for 20 miles.

19:06 Adam All right, let's not booze and drive.

19:09 Drew Okay, let's start with that.

19:11 All right, let's talk to Kim.

19:12 Adam I'm a mess now, Drew, I'm all fired.

19:13 Where's my bourbon?

19:14 Drew Kim, that's the problem tonight. It's coming.

19:17 Caller Yeah?

19:17 Drew Kim, what's up?

19:20 Adam What's happening?

19:22 Caller Well, I have a question about like my relationships that I have now about, cause I had like a lot of bad stuff happen to me when I was younger. Like my parents, they always fought and it got violent because my dad was drinking and he had problems with drugs. And so I got put into foster homes and then my mom took me back. And now my relationships with guys have gotten kind of messed up.

19:50 Drew Well, Markim, I got to tell you something. It, I find it almost astonishing that we're finally at the point, which is one of the first callers that really calls in with clarity and says, I had a messed up childhood and because of that, my relationships are messed up too.

20:04 Adam That's right.

20:04 Drew So God bless you. You understand that connection. We will rarely get that clear sort of understanding of that.

20:10 Adam Well, have you been through some therapy or something?

20:13 Caller Yeah, like a couple of years ago.

20:15 Drew Very, so.

20:16 Adam It kind of sounds like it.

20:17 Drew Yeah, so we also sound pretty sane given what you've been through and it's tough to, it's tough to form attachments. It's tough to trust when you've been through this sort of thing and it's also trust. It's also difficult to sort of undo the wiring that's in your brain, the wiring that makes chaos and abusive guys seem attractive to you. That's really the hardest part about this is that the motivational systems in the brain get set. They get focused on the wrong guy. And so the best thing we can do, tell you to do other than, first of all, learning to trust people and just trying that off for size a little bit. And secondly, keeping your treatment going. Finally, don't go out with guys that are super interesting to you. The guys you really have to get to be with, that's not the guy for you. That's the guy that's going to appeal to you.

20:58 Adam Yeah, and it's horrible advice. That's like saying, go on a vacation, a place you don't want to be.

21:03 Drew No, I've heard.

21:04 Adam No one's going, no one's making those plans.

21:05 Drew It depends on what the therapist will say, things like that.

21:07 Adam Well, they're right, but no one's going to do it.

21:09 Drew You can have an exciting life, a misery, or you can have a little less sighting and find some happiness and something more nourishing there.

21:14 Adam That's an interesting way to put it. All right, all right, Kim. You know, well, good times. Yeah, and listen, you're going to turn 16 soon. Are you boozing? Are you drinking yet? No. No. Good. No, don't do that. And you have, we don't have people, you know, we want to have a sober graduation, but most of our folks who listen to the show don't graduate. They take the GED. So a lot of you are going to be home, popping a six pack, maybe in your parents' basement, celebrating that GED. Do not get on the road. Thankfully, most of you don't have automobiles, but if you take that moped out, you're really trying to stay on the side. Be careful. Careful on the bike. Be careful on that 10 speed you ripped off earlier in the week. Yes, sober GED. Very sad. We all know, Drew, do you know anybody who's died in a traffic fatality?

22:08 Drew Current presently.

22:11 Adam No high school?

22:13 Drew I'm sure. Nothing comes to mind.

22:15 Adam Sure, you went to school with five kids.

22:17 Drew Yeah, but I was with somebody in high school who got a horrible drunk drive-by.

22:22 Adam Really?

22:22 Drew You know, pit and run.

22:24 Adam Yeah, are they okay? Never quite right again, right? See, it keeps going. Was it a girl?

22:34 You married her?

22:35 Adam What happened, Drew? Right, buddy. Drew did nothing happen to anybody. Drew went to high school with.

22:43 David?

22:45 Drew Oh, actually, I think of another one, too.

22:47 Another one?

22:48 Adam What happened?

22:49 Drew A friend of Susan's wife got killed in a drunk driving accident.

22:52 Adam There you go. Very tragic. David, hold on a second. David, all right, all right, hold on. It's good, it's always a good sign. It's time to take a break when the callers quit talking.

23:05 Yes?

23:07 Drew Oh, they're gone.

23:08 Adam Louis Hernandez is here tonight, otherwise known as the man. Oh, yes.

23:14 Oh, oh.

23:15 Adam He'll take you down to Chinatown. He pulls you over. By the way, they're driving the, they're driving the, they're not driving a unit, they're driving the van. It's one of those extendo vans. They're driving an LAPD van.

23:26 That's how you come in, Louis.

23:27 Adam Yeah, that's bad times, Louis. You need the Starsky and Hutch mobile. That's your, that's the kind of wheels you should have.

23:33 Caller That would be interesting, I tell you, that much.

23:36 Drew You drove, you drove, you drove a...

23:38 Adam When they give you the extendo Econoline van, that mean that's a bad thing. Which you want, you want the Ferrari that they took from the drug kingpin. You know what I'm saying?

23:47 Caller The one, the, oh, Miami Vice.

23:49 Adam Yeah, that one.

23:49 Caller That was a beautiful one.

23:50 Adam Yeah, that's a Daytona, yeah. Yeah, it's a nice ride for you. Yeah.

23:53 Caller 19, what was that, 87?

23:55 Adam Yeah, ironically, you got an 87 van.

23:58 Caller Actually, yeah, we can change the numbers around, too. Maybe we'll make it to 2003.

24:03 Adam We can do about that van.

24:07 Caller Tell you one thing, when it comes to safety, those things are pretty decent.

24:10 Adam Oh, yeah.

24:10 Caller In comparison to the smaller cars.

24:12 Adam Sure, yeah, they run right over you.

24:15 Caller Trans-efficient.

24:15 Adam Killed plenty of high schoolers for that, baby. It's heavy. I agree. Yeah, we're gonna, yeah, you destroy the ozone, but you're in one piece. We're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Luis Hernandez, Officer Luis Hernandez is here tonight talking about, along with Pedro. Muñiz. Muñiz, I don't know how to write that down. Muñiz, now Pedro's just a, he's just a mouthpiece for the man. He just works for the LAPD. And we've been busting everyone's shops, trying to figure out what's going on in Scotch for Second City. We are getting to the bottom of this.

25:18 Caller Oh, definitely, slowly.

25:20 Adam Yeah, let me tell you. Sober graduation, that's what it is. Where everyone's, a lot of people listen to the show, be graduating in the next four weeks, three weeks, somewhere in here. And please, people, can we keep the dads and grads thing down to a minimum this year? It just drives me insane. When somebody invented that dads and grads thing, I wanna sock them in the stomach. Gotta hear that every goddamn year this time. But when you graduate, you tend to go out and party, you get drunk, and then you get into trouble. And yeah, you're probably not gonna kill anybody or kill yourself, but if you do, it's over one way or the other, even if you're alive. And then secondly, you get popped, and you will get popped. You're ruined. I mean, you're getting licensed, suspended, in the fines, by the way, or just, I mean, when the dust settles, it's somewhere between five and 10 grand. I mean, by the time you're done with an attorney, and if your time's worth, you know, a nickel an hour, a couple of trips back and forth to court, you're paying for rehab and stuff, whether you have a problem or not, by the way. You're just, you're going to alcohol aversion classes, and you're paying for these things. Sitting around with a bunch of, just guys who roll into your hospital, Drew, you know, like five time losers, you're just sitting there. Yeah, it's a mess. All right, I'm saying, don't do it. Stay home, you drink mom's peppermint schnapps, you get loaded, watch a little Tivo. Celebrate with some of that Cinemax porn.

26:53 Yes? You still bother with that?

26:58 Adam Made the mistake of Tivo-ing a porn the other night. Lady wanted to know, what's rac-um? What are you doing Tivo-ing it? I said, I got a research paper coming up. I'm beating off. I mean, let's be honest.

27:16 Drew You told her that?

27:16 Adam I said, I'm tired of paying for porn.

27:21 What did she say?

27:23 Adam You know, when you have this conversation, you have to kind of lie to your wife, but not really where you just kind of go, I don't know about that. You know, you just, the answer's like that.

27:33 Drew Rack-um.

27:37 Adam She's getting it on a pool table.

27:39 Caller Are you beating off to this? I don't know about that.

27:42 Adam You know, that stupid like mid-ground answer. I don't really, I'm not gonna lie, but I guess I'm kind of lying. I don't know about that. Then you pretend to get busy with something. Putting your head in the refrigerator is nice. You know what I mean? Beating what? I don't know about that. I'm gonna probably put my head in the oven, turn the gas on.

28:03 Caller How do you blow the pilot out?

28:05 Drew All right, it just sounds like a Jackie Gleason film about fat stomato or something.

28:11 Adam I'll tell you why I couldn't chance to lie because I was coming down from a nap and she could have been watching. She could have been watching. In which case now, she goes, really? Now you care, you're in deeper. You know what I mean? Better to be casual.

28:24 You fell asleep watching it?

28:25 Adam No, I went upstairs, it took a nap. She found it on the TiVo. And so I didn't know if she actually saw it or just saw the title.

28:34 Caller You're not allowed to watch that?

28:37 Adam Here's the thing, I can watch it, I just can't care about it. You know what I mean? So that's why I have to be casual. I don't know about anybody.

28:44 Caller Like you give it a rating or?

28:45 Adam No, I just like, I gotta be pretend like stuff like, huh, what, oh, yeah, oh, that, yeah, I don't know.

28:51 Caller Oh, I thought your wife caught you watching it and she got upset or?

28:55 Adam No, no, no, it's just, it's the sort of implication.

28:58 Drew Yes, but he talked his way out of it.

29:00 Adam Well, no, but that's the point.

29:01 Caller Oh, I can tell he's the ex-brother-in-law. Yeah, he's the way out of it.

29:04 Adam You don't over, you see, if you talk too much, as you know, officer, you pull some guy over and he puts you hammering. He starts auctioning off livestock. He's out of the car, buddy. Now to the baton right upside of the head. You want a guy to be casual, right? He's like, huh, what did I do wrong? He doesn't seem too flustered by the thing. You see the guy talking a mile a minute. You know he's got some felony warrants, right? He's trying to bust him down now, yeah? Down to Chinatown, yes, Drew? All right, that's where Drew used to buy condoms in high school, by the way. So down to Chinatown. Yeah, they didn't sell him. They didn't sell him everywhere. And he was a passionate man. Heather?

29:40 Yes. Hello.

29:43 Adam You're 22.

29:44 Caller Yes.

29:45 Adam What's up?

29:47 Caller I can't have an orgasm off vaginal sex. And it bothers me very bad. Why does it bother me?

29:57 Drew Yeah, most women can't.

29:59 Caller And there's nothing you can do for that? I mean.

30:02 Drew Not that's been discovered so far. Why does it bother you so much?

30:05 Caller Well, because I just feel like I'm missing out on something. I mean, sometimes I get bored during sex and I know there's some things you can do, but.

30:12 Drew That's a different issue. How long does this go on before you get bored?

30:17 Caller Oh, I don't know. It just depends on the situation.

30:21 Drew Give me an example.

30:22 Caller It depends on how into it I am.

30:24 Drew Are you bored in two minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes?

30:27 Caller If I didn't want to have sex in the first place, sure. Yeah.

30:31 Drew Which of those?

30:31 Adam Now, all right, look, what's your problem? Where's your dad? Why are you angry at men?

30:37 Caller Oh, I have a great relationship with my dad now.

30:39 Adam Yeah, what happened when it counted, when you were developing? Yeah.

30:44 Caller Doesn't dramatic happen to my childhood.

30:46 Adam Drew and I rarely high five. Actually, the only time we high five is when I fake high five with Drew. Drew, yeah, Drew got laid a lot in high school. Right here, buddy, yeah, up high.

31:03 Drew We actually did a high five this time.

31:05 Adam We actually did a high five, yeah. So, look, no wholesale abuse, but what happened? Was he not present, boozing too much? What happened?

31:13 Caller No, I don't have a drinking problem.

31:16 Drew No, your dad wasn't present with the death.

31:19 Adam No, when you were, why do you get along now? Why didn't you get along in the past?

31:24 Caller Because I did suffer from depression for a very long time and I'm over it, I'm better now.

31:30 Drew What did that have to do with your dad?

31:33 Caller No, because I just, they had to do with him because I could probably count when I was younger, when I was growing up, till I was like 17 and I moved out, I could count on one hand how many times he ever told me he loved me. And he raised us with an iron fist, which was...

31:52 Adam Oh, Drew gave me an iron fist high five.

31:54 Drew Yeah, do you understand? This is what Adam's asking, why you're so angry with men and this is why, you had this...

32:00 Caller But I'm not.

32:01 Adam No, no, he just...

32:03 Caller But I'm not, I'm serious.

32:04 Adam Raised by a Rommel.

32:06 Drew Yeah. How could you not be?

32:09 Caller Because he did what he thought best whenever I was growing up and actually he did a very good job of raising me.

32:16 Drew Yeah.

32:18 Adam The part where you're angry at me.

32:19 Caller No, I mean, looking at my life now, I'm very glad he did the things that he did. No, he never hit me.

32:26 Adam I don't even... I don't like my dad at all. He never did anything bad. He's just kind of a puss, you know? I don't know why everyone defends their parents when they weren't great, you know? I mean, here's the thing. You don't have to hang the guy out to dry completely, but you said you could count on one hand the number of times they ever said he loved you. He raised you with an iron fist.

32:46 Drew You described very disparaging, negative things about him. And then you flipped into, hey, it's great, it's wonderful. The fact is the reason people do that is they blame themselves for getting out of their parents what they're served. In other words, what your brain does is go, well, I'm Heather, I'm a bad person. I need the iron fist. Without that, I'd run amok. So what he did was a good thing, as opposed to saying, hey, this guy was out of control. He made me feel like crap about myself, makes me feel ambivalent and crappy about men. Hey, he was doing the best thing he could, that's fine. But hey, this left me with some feelings.

33:21 Adam Heather.

33:22 Caller Yes.

33:23 Adam All right, so now you get along with the guy fine.

33:25 Caller Yeah, because we've talked about those feelings and I've talked, me and my dad can finally sit down and talk about those issues and talk about those feelings. So now we have a very, very good relationship.

33:34 Drew But Heather, that's great for the relationship, but it doesn't make that imprint go away on your brain.

33:39 Caller I realize that's there, I know that's there.

33:41 Drew That's what we're saying.

33:42 Adam Well, that's probably, the whole orgasm part is really something you can't address. There's really nothing you can do. You just try to get your head right with the fellas and whether it happens or it doesn't, you got a good relationship out of the deal.

34:00 Caller Well, I've been in a steady relationship for almost four years now.

34:04 Drew We're thinking you may be done with it. That'd be my bet.

34:06 Adam Could be it.

34:06 Drew That's what the frustration, the resentment's all about.

34:08 Caller Do what?

34:09 Drew And then be careful. You need a guy. I suspect, Heather, you need a guy that's a little tougher.

34:15 Adam Oh, Drew, high five with the rough trade.

34:18 Drew No, I don't mean, I mean just tougher. She's gonna be risking an abusive guy. She may be all right.

34:25 Adam The guy, first off, she can't have a guy that's too terribly available. That's too easy. She can't have one of these penny for your thoughts kind of guys. She's got to have the brooding type, you know?

34:37 Caller That guy's like, I can't talk right now. Yeah, man.

34:41 Adam I can't hear that song. Why?

34:43 Caller It reminds me of something bad.

34:45 Adam You know that guy, he's a loner, never know what he's thinking. He's tough. Once in a while, he seemed to freak out on a trash can. Just beating the crap out of a can. That guy.

34:57 Baseball bat.

34:59 Adam Takes a baseball bat to a neighbor's trash can. Yeah, that guy. All right, Heather, we think you're done with this relationship. Four years.

35:07 Caller Four years.

35:07 Drew I hope not.

35:08 Adam All right. By the way, you're together at, I can tell when a broad's angry anyway, by the way. I could feel it. Do you feel like oozing out of her in the first 30 seconds?

35:17 Drew I actually didn't, but I know you react exquisitely quickly to that.

35:19 Caller I always know when chicks are angry. Oh, woo, it's a gift.

35:22 Caller It's definitely a gift.

35:23 Adam It's a gift, yeah. I'm like a divining rod for evil coos.

35:27 Drew Usually it takes me a little more, it's a more hostile before I pick it up.

35:31 Adam Yeah, Drew doesn't know it. I have to explain to him when people are mistreating him.

35:34 Drew It's true.

35:35 Adam Except for when I do it. Then I tell him he deserves it. Oh, unexpected high five out of Drew for the abuse.

35:44 Yeah, what's up?

35:45 Adam You're 27?

35:46 Caller Yeah, how you guys doing?

35:47 Adam Good, what's up?

35:48 Caller Well, I called to comment on your DUI stories that you guys got going. I'm actually living one right now. Kind of a nightmare.

35:55 Adam All right, now we got Pedro and Luis in here tonight from the LAPD, by the way, like we do every year. And this is LA, but the story goes, the same story everywhere around the country, which is, you know, you drink, you drive, and then tragedy occurs.

36:08 Caller Yeah, it's a nationwide problem.

36:10 Adam That's right. What happened, Pete?

36:11 Caller Okay, basically what's going on was those gentlemen doing probably the guesstimate about 100 miles per hour down the road. He collided with another car, put that individual into the center divide, and that person bounced off the center divide in front of me. They don't know if that individual died on the impact or when I impacted with them. The bad part is that the first gentleman, he took off, did a hit and run, I pulled over right away, was pretty in bad shape.

36:38 Adam The first gentleman, you mean the drunk driver?

36:40 Drew 100 mile an hour ago.

36:41 Caller Well, they suspect he was under the influence. They don't know because they didn't catch him until three months later. They didn't even know he existed. They pinned everything on me. The only good thing I had going for me was at the time I had one drink, I was a blood level.05, which is legal, but in their eyes, there's a fatality. It was not good. I went straight into jail.

37:01 Adam Oh my God, so you were just coming home on a weekend.

37:05 Drew That's a glass of wine, basically.

37:06 Adam So you're hanging out, you had a beer, you're driving home, this guy bonks into somebody, they hit you, you blow a.05, there's still some alcohol in your blood, there's a fatality, and now you're going to the joint?

37:22 Caller Yeah, well, at first I was already in and I was looking at they were telling me to kill a manslaughter, 15 to life, you know, so basically, I got a lawyer, one of the best around in my area, at least, and got me out, got me into residential treatment. I did a two months residential treatment, I did six months in a secondary program. I've been living since then.

37:44 Adam What kind of residential, do you mean for alcohol?

37:47 Caller Yes, correct, rehab.

37:49 Adam How do they, by the way, do they have to establish some pattern of alcoholism or just the fact that you drove with a beer in you makes you an alcoholic?

37:58 Caller Well, no, the bad part is six years before I had a prior.

38:01 Caller Oh, but that was six years ago.

38:05 Caller Yeah, so they were looking for that.

38:06 Caller Whatever happened to this guy, then they cut up three months later.

38:09 Caller They caught him three months later. Eyewitnesses luckily came forward, the cops really had no clue, and then they got the guy, his car was actually at a body shop, getting ready to be fixed, so he had to file a police report through his insurance, and that's when everything caught up with him.

38:26 Adam That guy's cheap.

38:28 Caller Yeah.

38:28 Adam I call it Pennywise and Pound Foolish, where I'm from.

38:31 Caller Yeah, yeah, well, it saved me a lot. I was looking at 15 Alive, and now the deal that they're trying to give me, they still want me to do two years in prison.

38:39 Caller Why?

38:41 Caller I don't know, good question.

38:43 Caller What state is this in?

38:44 Drew Oh, California.

38:45 Caller California?

38:46 Drew Yes, I think it's just vehicular manslaughter.

38:48 Caller Well, somebody died, and he had some alcohol in his system. Correct, in the prior. Well, not so much the prior at the moment, and the person that died. That's the issue right there. What about the guy that hit you? Were they able to establish him?

39:05 Caller Well, no, he hit the individual that died. He put that person into the center dividing wall, and they hit that head on, and they went from like 70 miles per hour to zero, and they don't know if that person died on the impact, or when they rebounded off. Well, they don't know.

39:20 Adam Well, and by the way, can't they use the magnetic car and the board and the thing to figure that one out? I mean, can't they see where the lacerations on the person's head is and stuff, by what they hit and what direction the inertia was?

39:33 Caller They have looked into it. They have many medical experts. They can only say, because my impact was so severe, it was a little car, and I was driving a big suburban type vehicle.

39:47 Adam Well, look, first off, good luck. And secondly, you're gonna need an attorney.

39:51 Drew He's going, he's going.

39:52 Caller Yeah, good one.

39:52 Adam And then I'm sorry for this, but there you go. First off.

39:56 Drew I have to tell you though, I've never seen DUIs, two DUIs and a non-alcoholic.

40:01 Adam Oh, really?

40:01 Drew Never seen that.

40:02 Adam And Drew, you always say that, but it's easily done.

40:05 Drew It's easily done, but strange enough, when you really examine those people, they may not be well on there to be.

40:09 Adam Well, when you really examine them.

40:11 Drew I mean, you'll see his dad.

40:12 Adam Yeah, you talk to the Pope, you think he's got a problem. Please.

40:15 Caller I'm kinda curious as to the record of this guy that did the hit-and-run and tried to cover up.

40:22 Adam If he had priors?

40:23 Caller Yeah, what kind of record he had. That would be something to actually look at.

40:26 Adam Did you find out about this guy's prior record?

40:30 Caller As far as his prior record, he only had like some juvie experience, nothing drinking and driving-wise.

40:36 Adam I see, not an alcoholic then, Drew. All right, we gotta take a break. I'd like a campaign that said, look, don't drink and drive, but look, if you have to, don't drive like an a-hole. You know what I mean? I drive a couple of miles, a couple of belts in me every once in a while. You know what, I drive like, oh, I drive like I'm gonna get pulled over.

40:55 Drew But this guy was just cruising along.

40:57 Adam No, I'm talking to the guy who went 100. I'm just saying, listen, everybody, you drink a beer, maybe you're at the level, maybe you're not, why don't you just drive like you got a cop behind you, because you get pulled over your life's over. All right, trying to be realistic here, Drew. Safe and sober graduation, everybody. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

41:25 You're listening to Live on the Five.

41:40 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. Pedro Muñiz is here tonight. He is basically a mouthpiece for LAPD. Louis Hernandez is here. He's the man.

41:51 Drew He's the puppet for the man?

41:52 Adam He's, yeah, well, Pedro's puppet for the man. The man sitting next to him is Luis. You got a tin? You got a shield you could flash?

41:59 Caller Not on me, no. No? But I have my identification.

42:03 Adam Well, if you get pulled over, though, I mean, you gotta flash something, right? You gotta get out of that ticket.

42:09 Caller No, we didn't do that, but since you mentioned it, we have to identify ourselves to the police officer or the officer that is stopping us so they know that they're talking to a police officer.

42:18 Adam Highway Patrol just give you a ticket because they don't like you guys. It's like the Army and the Marines.

42:22 Caller They're pretty decent people. Now, come on. You know, we are having a city-wide sober graduation program.

42:30 Adam How's that work?

42:32 Caller The way this one works is we take a card that has been involved in a traffic collision, generally where alcohol or drugs or combination of both actually have been the cause for this accident. Some cases there's been a fatality, some cases not. So we take that car to a particular high school in our areas for the nutrition time and for the lunchtime and we distribute pamphlets by mothers against drug driving that tells no one under 21 should drink alcohol. And of course we try to pass the message of, yes, this can happen to you, that could have been you. Some of the cars is just a basic traffic collision which the cars are pretty mungled up.

43:21 Adam Let me tell you one of the problems in this city, particularly, I was, I worked next to Hollywood High.

43:26 Caller Hollywood High.

43:26 Adam I took a good look at the student bodies they were waiting to get on the bus and didn't recognize any of the people there. I didn't know what country I was in. And I realized most of folks who go to, who go to, no, it's not a bad thing. It's a wonderful melting pot we're in here.

43:41 Caller It's a positive note.

43:42 Adam It's a great thing, but there's two big grounds. One is most of these people come from countries where they don't drive. That's a number one. So it makes them horrible drivers. And then number two, drinking age, 13. Most average age of the country, the people that know more high schools out here. I mean, first off, they're done with school at 12 and they're picking up the bottle at 13. And that's everywhere that everyone is from except for here. So it's hard to tell not the booze before 21, yes?

44:08 Caller They've been doing it most of their life in Europe. I've seen during dinner or lunchtime, there is the bottle of wine.

44:16 Adam That's right.

44:16 Caller And then there is a little glass for the kid and for mama and for papa. So everybody has their own glass.

44:22 Adam It's hard.

44:23 Caller It's a costume and it's permitted and it's allowed within that country. But when they come to this country and all of a sudden, we have a problem because what are you talking about? I've been drinking like you won't believe. As a matter of fact, when we were talking about tolerance, .42..42, where's that?

44:39 Adam I'm going.

44:40 Caller No, wait a minute. Well, it actually was a gentleman that I stopped here. He was about 40 years old.

44:46 Adam 40?

44:47 Caller German.

44:48 Adam Sure.

44:48 Caller And this man is drinking every time.

44:51 Adam Sure.

44:51 Caller I happen to be by luck for me and real bad luck for him, the one that happened to stop him. And the only reason why I stopped him is because he went through a stop sign.

45:01 Adam More than once? You stopped the same guy more than once?

45:02 Caller Once. No, I didn't say that. Just the one time. So, I stopped him and he went through a stop sign. He said he never saw it. And when he started talking to me, man, he was having a brewery right in front of me. I said, man, you've been drinking. Why don't you come outside? You know what? He actually passed all the tests.

45:22 Adam The field sobriety.

45:23 Caller Field sobriety test. He passed them all. That was a very heavyweight. This guy was about six foot, masturbated at least 300 pounds, solid muscle. Sure. There was no fat in this guy. And I said, you've been drinking, I can tell. And he says, oh yeah, I had this, this, this, this, this, and that of my partner is taking notes like crazy. That was the only way we got him into court and he lost. He had a terrific attorney. Apparently he's been around the system more than one time. But this guy could actually, the statement, you can hold your liquor, this guy was definitely the example. I was the first one that broke and busted up his record, so to speak.

46:02 Adam And what did he blow, did he, did he?

46:04 Caller Point four two.

46:05 Adam Point four two.

46:06 Caller That man should have been dead.

46:07 Adam That's why we got to raise the limit because it's too low, Drew. We got Krauts driving around at five times the limit. We got to bring it up just a little bit.

46:16 Drew At least just give up the international standards.

46:18 Adam Give him the international and the heavyweight. And that's got the beer stein and the two boxing gloves hitting in the middle. It's like having diplomatic plates on your car.

46:30 Caller Can't touch them.

46:31 Adam We got to work this out. We got to take a break. You guys got to stay one more break. That's what we'll do. We'll make fun of kids. We'll talk about that. I got thoughts about driving drunk, by the way.

46:40 Caller No doubt.

46:42 Adam We'll be back after this.

46:43 Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me.

46:45 Caller So what's up?

47:30 Adam I'm Adam. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Tomorrow night, Nellie Furtado is gonna be in here. Very hot, sassy little Canadian lassie, yeah? I think she's Canadian. Anyway, I like her. She's good.

47:45 She's Portuguese, yeah.

47:46 Adam They got a nice mix, nice mix. But she's from Canada, but she's got a crazy mix, but it works on her, boy. Cute. Cute as a dick as a little.

47:54 All right, relax.

47:56 Caller She's a mother now, isn't she?

47:58 Drew Go back to your rack.

47:59 Come on now. Come on now.

48:01 Drew A rack?

48:02 Adam Pedro Muñiz.

48:03 Drew Is that a circus big top horn? Is that what? A rack.

48:07 Adam Come on, buddy. Louis Hernandez is here tonight. They're LAPD guys, but they're not uptight. They're cool. They're cool. They may be working for the man, but they're not the man.

48:20 Caller You want to be pulled over by Louis?

48:22 Adam Yeah, you want Louis to pull you over. You don't play by the book. He's got his own set of rules. You know what I'm saying? They're his rules. Yeah. You know, and you know, his motto is no time for backup.

48:36 Caller Let's handle it now.

48:38 Adam No, he's going home now. He's not going to wait for another car show. Yeah, let's handle it now. Let's settle it now. It's just no time for backup.

48:44 Caller Forget Swatt. I'll do it myself.

48:45 Adam Yeah, that's right.

48:47 Caller Yeah, let's start skinhushes to do.

48:49 Adam That's right. Once in a while, he's got a huge overweight, black commanding officer to start screaming at him when he walks by, Hernandez, where's that paperwork at?

48:59 Caller Hey man, I got my work done on the street. I got the mayor, the DA, the city council crawling up my ass, Hernandez. I get results.

49:07 Drew We're suspenders.

49:08 Caller Suspenders. Can the coffee mugs.

49:12 Adam Screaming at him all the time. Yeah, through the blinds, open supplies.

49:16 Caller Hernandez, where are you going? I'm on to you, you destroyed 14 cruisers in as many days.

49:26 Adam So? I get results, Cappy. Yeah, that's Hernandez. That was a good one, wasn't it? Yeah, he gets his own, he gets a job done. That's the point, he's no pencil pusher.

49:37 Caller No.

49:37 Adam He's got his ear in the street.

49:38 Caller I hear report writing.

49:40 Adam And let me tell you, he doesn't, you know, once in a while you pull over junkie, you shake him down, you don't bring him in. You know you got information coming from this cat. You leave him out on the street. Cause these guys, they know you got cred. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You make the rounds, get the information.

49:54 Caller Adam's ready to join the force.

49:56 Adam Yeah, I know how it works.

49:57 Caller You can become his reserve officer.

49:59 Adam I could easily do that. Yeah. Walking the beat, going in the bars, talking to the pimps, you know, getting the information.

50:06 Caller Do some vice work.

50:06 Adam Greasing their palms a little bit. Here's 20 bucks, what do you know? Memory's not so good. I pulled out 40. Oh, it's 40 now. People aren't that cheap. Get my information.

50:16 Caller It's two 20s from the ATM, remember?

50:18 Adam Big black captain screaming at me. Corolla! Yeah, that's right.

50:22 Caller Adam, lift your shield for that one, Corolla!

50:26 Adam Yeah, played by my own rules.

50:29 Drew Then they team you up with Kowalski.

50:30 Adam Yeah, he wears a bow tie and he's always looking. He's also looking through the manual.

50:36 Caller And we have those too.

50:38 Adam And he's, I'm eating a corn dog. He's like, you know what? He's screaming at me, but he's a poindexter type, you know?

50:46 Drew Do you know how much fat cholesterol's in those?

50:47 Adam Right, right, right, right.

50:48 Drew Oh, Jesus.

50:49 Adam Right, and I'm peeling out the whole time, yeah. I gotta get him laid, that's the whole thing. I think he needs to blow off a little steam with the legs. That's right.

51:00 Drew Hey, Kevin's got a quick suggestion for how you can improve the LA traffic. Come on. Oh, really? Let's hear it.

51:04 Caller Are we gonna go into that?

51:05 Adam Let me just say one thing about this sober graduation. Here's the message I'd like to send out. And I don't know if anyone would be bold enough to send this message out, but here's the God's honest truth, everyone. And as you know, I'm a genius.

51:18 Caller According to Adam.

51:19 Adam You should not be driving drunk.

51:21 Caller Yes.

51:22 Adam You should not be graduating, celebrating, getting loaded and really throwing away your future. You kill yourself, you kill somebody else, or more likely, you just get this, you know, oh, eight grand, you get your license suspended, you get this thing on your, you know, this is on your record now, your insurance. Through the roof. I mean, it ruins. But here's the tip I'd like to give you.

51:42 Caller Yeah.

51:43 Adam Let's face it. Everyone's going to get in a situation where they tilt a few and get behind the wheel. I got to be honest with you. This is just, it's going to happen.

51:48 Drew You have to do it at 17.

51:49 Adam Don't drive like an a-hole.

51:50 Drew 17.

51:51 Adam No, don't do it at 17. Do it at 16 and get it out of the way. I agree with Drew. Drew's a genius. Always one step ahead of the game. No, here's what I want to say. And it's not a popular position, but here's the deal. If you are in a situation where you've had a couple of beers and for one reason or another, it's unavoidable, you're behind the wheel of an automobile. Drive like you know you're drunk, not like you're drunk. You know what I'm saying?

52:17 Caller Put your hands in a 10 and two and mellow out.

52:22 Adam Drive like there's a cop behind you. Because in this city, there probably is. Drive safe, drive slow, mellow out. Don't make cell phones. Don't do donuts in the parking lot of the 7-Eleven. Don't get in and don't race with your buddies. Drive like you're drunk. The time to drive like an A-hole is when you're sober. That's what I do. I drive like an A-hole. If I'm sober, oh, good, 50% of the time on the road trip.

52:48 Drew So basically, if any of you all out there see Adam at a red light and the red arrow is red and he's sitting there, pull him over.

52:55 Adam Add a couple of belts.

52:57 Drew He is loaded.

52:58 Adam Right, yes, Drew, you're exactly right. Because I've not ignored the arrow and driven through it like I do all other times when driving. No, but I know this sounds bizarre, but really what I'm saying is, people get drunk and they get behind the wheel and they think they're Superman. And they start racing and they start speeding and they start getting out of control.

53:16 Caller Most people do that sober.

53:17 Drew No, but people that really do that are alcoholics and that's their denial kicking in. They cannot process what they're doing.

53:24 Adam Right.

53:25 Drew So they don't have that kind of thought and judgment that would allow them to say, I gotta watch it. They get a little grandiose.

53:31 Adam And that's an alcoholic, because this is the same guy that makes the horribly inappropriate speech at the wedding. This is the same guy gets in the fist fight at the funeral over a couple of belts, you know what I mean? These are the people who are drunk and don't know they're drunk and get out of control. And is that an alcoholic, Drew?

53:50 Drew Yeah, there are consequences. Yeah, the alcoholic is affected slightly different than non-alcoholic.

53:54 Adam I mean, you could break everyone who drinks and everyone I know who drinks into like two sets. One is the person who's drunk and knows they're drunk.

54:02 Drew Like I have doctors all the time who say, well, they finally caught me, but I never hurt anybody. I never had a problem functioning at work. All my surgeries were great. It's like, yeah, that's your perception of it. You operate somebody's femur with a blood alcohol level of four or three. Is that right? Yes, happens all the time.

54:21 Caller Four or three, and they're on a plane.

54:24 Drew No, I've got patients.

54:26 Caller I have known pilots that are actually flying commercial airlines and their way load addition even began to be.

54:35 Drew But that's the point, that's alcoholism. It's like we recoil in horror, but there are things like, what's the big deal? I never, any problem.

54:43 Adam All right, let's get to the bottom of what we're gonna do to speed up the city. All I'm saying is, is speed up the city. God forbid you have a beer and get behind the wheel. Take it easy. Don't drag race. Don't do the stupid stuff you do when you're drunk.

54:57 Caller That is if you absolutely have to, but. I mean, that's a dying emergency. You're transporting your grandmother after a heart attack, right? The one thing that we try to tell the parents is, if it comes to that, give the kids $50 for a taxi, try to teach them, try to, like for instance, there is a situation where the couple, the girl goes with the guy to the prom or to whatever party besides over graduation. And guess what? He gets loaded with his booze combination with alcohol or whatever. And then she knows that and she's about to get into that car with this guy.

55:34 Adam Don't get in, you say?

55:35 Caller Do not, do not. I mean, love him to death, try to get the keys away from him if you can, but if he comes really stubborn and really maybe violent because he's drunk or loaded, don't get in the car with that guy. I mean, one thing is to love him and another thing is to sign your death certificate right there and then before you get into that car. So don't do that.

55:55 Adam Kevin, Kevin.

55:59 Caller Hey now.

56:00 Adam What's happening?

56:01 Caller What's going on? What's going on? So you guys want to know how to fix the traffic in LA, right?

56:04 Adam Hold on. Let me get into my best underwhelmed posture. Go ahead.

56:09 Caller It's nothing, you know, extravagant. And it's already being done in certain places. Certain parts of the 405, 101, any freeway you want to pick certain times of the day, the northbound side will be flowing. Southbound side will be jammed up.

56:23 Adam I know this idea. I know the idea. Slide the divider over.

56:27 Caller Exactly.

56:28 It's not a big deal.

56:29 Caller It's not gonna cost that much money to make it work.

56:31 Adam No.

56:32 Drew Compared to putting a, compared to making a multi-level highway, it's not a big deal.

56:38 Adam 100th of the cost, not even.

56:40 Caller San Francisco has that.

56:41 Adam It's not a bad idea.

56:42 Caller They actually do that.

56:43 Drew And they collapsed. Well, they moved the barrier over?

56:46 Caller Well, I don't know what they did, but they have one way. No, it didn't collapse. That was during the earthquake. That thing collapsed. Keep going. But they actually have both ways in and both ways out. How do they do that? Or how do they work it? I don't know how they do that. But I've been on both of them where it's just continuous. And it works. But again, the problem is when you get to the other side and land, this is on the bridge.

57:14 Adam Here's my point. I think that's what we're talking about here, which is this is like a factory. We can't expand it. We can't get any more square feet in it. But here's what we need. We need more productivity. We want to speed up the conveyor belt a little bit. So if we work a little smarter and we lay it out a little better, we can get 30% more productivity out of the same size factory. And that's what I'm saying. I think this is what Drew's saying, which is we don't need to build any more freeways. We don't need any more rails. I mean, we need all that eventually. But for now, we don't need that. We could make this city 25, 30% more efficient just by doing a handful of things, such as getting a-holes to realize they could turn right. Turn right, you idiots. Okay, here's the problem. The problem is Los Angeles, and I guess California, is one of the few states where you can turn right when the signal's red. If it's clear, makes sense, no other cars are coming. Might as well just turn right, signal's red, right? Everyone in this godforsaken city's from somewhere else. So they've been driving in New Jersey for 35 years and they don't know this law. And nobody tells them about it. There's no interest at all by anybody in this whole city to get people moving. All they want is money. That's all they want. That's all it is. It's a big shakedown. Nothing worse than Burbank, by the way. That city of Burbank.

58:40 Caller Burbank, I knew I was waiting.

58:41 Adam I was just talking to a group of people that, handful of people all sitting around. I've sit around with eight people the other day. They all got jaywalking tickets in Burbank. All of them. Pussies over there, pure 100% pussies. Rape bank, we like to call that dump. Stop raping your public, you pussies. Stop it and start busting perps like I would do over there. I wouldn't listen to my big black captain. He's yelling, he's waving a coffee around. I'm down the hall. I got perps to take care of. I'm just saying, leave everyone alone. Stop shaking everyone down. Let's get that city moving. And by the way, hold on Drew, no clapping yet. When they pull the guys over on the side of the freeway for going four miles an hour faster and the posted speed limit, everyone slows down too. Oh, what's that? CHP. When does CHP get off the freeway with these guys?

59:28 Caller People should be off of the freeway.

59:30 Adam Well, they, yeah, but the people who get pulled over don't know they should get off the freeway. They just pull over. And let me say this to everybody. Every time you get in there, you trade a little paint, there's a little fender banner. That's not a crime scene. Get your ass off the road.

59:43 Caller Pull over, get out of there.

59:45 Adam Some people getting out of their car. I see this every three days. Everyone's out of their car. Two old broads, they trade a little paint. There's a nickel's worth of damage to the license plate frame. They've stopped, they've taken up a whole lane and they're out of the car having a conversation about it. Meanwhile, this entire bottleneck on Franklin, it's like, get pulling to the parking lot, get off the street. And here's what I'm saying.

1:00:07 Caller Where's the cops?

1:00:09 Adam Here's what I want the cops to do. You have a mechanical malfunction, you had four bald tires, you blow one of them out, you pull, you're fined, you're out of here. Huge fines, not turning right. Where's the public service announcements?

1:00:22 Caller Where's the voice?

1:00:22 Adam How come no one says anything?

1:00:24 Caller But you know what you're forgetting?

1:00:25 Caller What?

1:00:25 Caller When the little old ladies get into their nickel accident, everybody stops to look. And then when you get there, you realize no one was stopping there. No one, you know, no one's, is it my lane stop? Everybody could have gone, it's like a group consensus.

1:00:38 Adam People rubber neck, but when you're actually blocking a lane off, you have no choice but to stop and look and whatever. I'm saying you trade a little paint in an intersection. Fine. Don't just get out of your car and block the whole intersection off. Go pull off, get out of there. The car is fine. As I'm saying is let's get people moving in this city. Let's start yelling at people. Let's start humiliating people. Let's start giving tickets for driving too slow and not turning right on the reds and all that stuff. Let's start talking about it. Nobody wants to talk about it. And hold on, I got other things to say about this too. They'd lead you to believe that driving fast doesn't get you anywhere any faster than driving slow. BS, it gets you there a thousand times faster. You drive fast, you idiots.

1:01:23 Caller Who are you guys kidding?

1:01:24 Adam You drive slow, you drive safe. You get there the same time and big kiss my ass, you math tards. What you do?

1:01:30 Caller Listen, Copernicus, what the hell you know?

1:01:34 Adam Why don't I take a donkey to New York instead of a jet next time?

1:01:37 Caller I get there the same time, right? Same thing. Oh, one goes 600 miles an hour, there goes four miles an hour.

1:01:42 Adam Same logic, same speed, doesn't matter.

1:01:44 Caller Speed, not a factor?

1:01:45 Adam Are you kidding me? I drive my ass off, I get to LAX in 22 minutes. I listen to UA Holes, I get there in 50 minutes. Of course it makes a difference, makes a huge difference. Time's a huge difference. And let me tell you this, cars are a thousand times safer than they were before. Let's put the speed limit up. I got airbags, I got anti-lock brakes, I got suspension that's adjusting itself every 30th of a second. Let's go. I got side impact things, I got curtains.

1:02:13 Drew I got to speed it up for a car that's safe for particular speeds.

1:02:16 Adam Safer for particular speed. Why not? Speed rated. Guys driving a car, he's got speed rated tires, 150 miles an hour in a side impact curtain, a head bag, everything. Why not? Why not give him a higher speed limit? How come there's zero focus on getting this town moving? Why is everything dangerous? Why is every time someone moving, it's dangerous? You guys going 75, this is dangerous.

1:02:38 Caller No, it's not!

1:02:40 Drew What if you drive your Impala?

1:02:41 Adam You'd be driving that old piece of ass. Driving that 68 Dodge Dart with the four ball tires on and the drum brakes, it's dangerous. Got leaf springs dragging on the ground.

1:02:49 Caller I don't got that car.

1:02:50 Adam I got a car that's safe, it goes 170 miles an hour. 70's nothing for me. What about it? Why is my speed limit the same as every other a-holes in this city? How come no one wants to get this town moving? No one talks about it. It's nothing, it's like, here's your, slow down. Slow down, what's the rush? Slow down, what's the rush?

1:03:08 Caller We're trying to get to work! We've got a plane to catch! What do you mean, what's the rush? Let's get us moving! It said, tell us to slow down!

1:03:15 Adam Oh, it's so dangerous, so dangerous. How come there's less fatalities per a million miles on the Autobahn than we have out here? If it's so dangerous when you drive fast.

1:03:25 Caller Oh, look out, everyone's moving!

1:03:27 Adam Highway Patrol, kiss my ass! Coming out, we're gonna launch a campaign against speeders.

1:03:33 Caller Look what happened.

1:03:34 Adam Great, thanks.

1:03:34 Caller You ever seen the accidents on the Autobahn?

1:03:36 Caller Those are really crunchy, those are fatalities. Those are not accidents.

1:03:41 Adam Less fatalities, how? How do you explain it? The crazy Germans are driving fast, oh no! Listen, you Highway Patrol guys, get people off the freeway and get people moving. That's it. We're cracked down on speeders. As soon as you go home and crack down on your head with a frying pan.

1:03:58 Caller That would hurt.

1:03:59 Adam Please, and by the way, let me just say something. All you guys out there, all the Burbank PD, all these posies over there giving tickets, everyone for jaywalking, everyone.

1:04:10 Caller You guys work for us. You're not doing your own thing. You do what we tell you to do. You don't just start getting in and interrupt everything, go raise money, go have a policeman's ball. Would you have a policeman's ball?

1:04:22 Adam Can't the city of Burbank raise money through having a policeman's ball? Just to have some dignity, we'll give you some money. You go to the ball, you don't have to shake down everyone in the goddamn city.

1:04:31 Caller How about it?

1:04:33 Adam Have some dignity, you can hold your head up, do something worthwhile instead of shaking down everyone who's crossing the street. If people wanna cross the street, let them cross the street.

1:04:42 Caller How about it?

1:04:42 Adam How about you just decide, hey, if we don't get hit by the car and we make to their side, that's fine. Not allowed to do that?

1:04:48 Caller Makes it simple.

1:04:49 Adam Oh, you guys know Burbank's dump, right?

1:04:52 Caller Well, I just hear what you're telling me.

1:04:54 Adam Yeah, you know I'm right, you know everyone knows. Just have a policeman's ball and save some face. Please, you people, stop antagonizing everyone who drives to your crappy city. All right, and no more chicken ass tickets. No more, just no more. You guys need some money? What do you need?

1:05:12 Caller Stop bugging us.

1:05:13 Adam You want money? We'll give you money, just stop bugging us.

1:05:16 Caller Let us drive the goddamn cars. That's all.

1:05:19 Adam Listen, I drove my car in New Orleans. I was driving in New Orleans in a van. I told you this, Drew. I was driving in a van and there was a cop that was driving next to us in the van and the guy, the guy, we were driving 42 miles an hour and the cop was next to us and I was, I was like panicking. I was like a school girl in the back of the van.

1:05:35 Caller I said, I said, oh, a driver.

1:05:36 Adam It said the posted is 35.

1:05:38 Caller We're going 41.

1:05:39 Adam He said, who cares?

1:05:40 Caller I said, but this is a cop, it's a cop.

1:05:44 Adam He said, we're not doing anything. I said, oh my God, that's right. He's not breaking any laws. He's not doing anything bad. He's not endangering anybody. He's just driving his vehicle. Oh, what a utopia it must be to live in a town like that. We gotta freak out because we're going four miles an hour faster speed limit because they can't do anything but can't find a way to raise any other money in this God forsaken city. Just everyone, let's just tell them, you need money? What is it? What do you guys need? Do you need 40 bucks from everyone? Let's just give it to them so we can drive through. Once you do that, it just, here, everybody cut them a check. Give Burbank an extra 50 bucks. For some reason, they need more money over there. Yeah, you give them the money and then we can just drive like adults. How about it?

1:06:26 Caller Burbank, PDA, I invite you to another event.

1:06:28 Adam Please, screw that dump. Screw them. I should sue them. I beat you. I beat you in your pussy chicken ass jaywalking ticket, you pussies. And what about, what do I get? You owe me. No, no, I beat it. Oh boy. I got, all I had to do was take it out. What the law? Party time. Yeah. Took two days off of work and, well, what do I get out of it? I don't owe them $44.

1:06:52 Caller Satisfaction, then you beat them.

1:06:53 Caller I'd like to sue them.

1:06:54 Adam Where's my money, you pussies? Please, what a dump that fur bank is.

1:06:59 Caller Go back to sober graduation.

1:07:00 Adam Don't drive drunk.

1:07:02 Caller Don't drive drunk.

1:07:04 Adam Proms are going on.

1:07:05 Caller Let's go now. All right.

1:07:07 Adam All right, Drew, let's get.

1:07:08 Caller Plan, let's plan ahead.

1:07:10 Adam Let's go now.

1:07:11 Caller We need to plan ahead when we're going to go on to sober graduation. Yeah, let's not do that. Let's plan how we're going to get back and make sure then that happens. Sometimes.

1:07:21 Adam Designated drivers.

1:07:23 Caller Yes, number one, number two. Yeah, designated would be a good thing.

1:07:27 Adam In Burbank, get a designated walker. Get someone to cross the street for you.

1:07:31 Caller Before you get on a JT.

1:07:32 Adam I'm keeping in the line.

1:07:35 Drew How about no drinking for an hour?

1:07:37 Caller That's what I was going to say.

1:07:38 Adam How about that, Drew?

1:07:39 Caller You're under 21, you have no business drinking.

1:07:40 Adam No, you do a Quaalude, you do a Line, you shot a Robituss and you stay away from the booze. Yes, Drew? I agree.

1:07:46 Caller Now, not to mention the fact that under 21 is illegal. You cannot drink and you know very well that the brain of a youngster is not fully developed until about 21, 22, 25 sometimes. And what's happening in alcohol is destroying their cell brains, brain cells that is. And guess what? The ones that are gone, they're gone. They do not reproduce. So consequently, the person or the individual, the youngster that is drinking is actually destroying themselves.

1:08:16 Adam That's right. Turning into mush and then becoming tomorrow's junior college students.

1:08:21 Drew Or radio.

1:08:23 Adam Or you end up here at the radio station like engineer Chris. 27, still living at home.

1:08:28 Caller We can't forget that. That's the problem with the man is saving money now. Come on, he's gonna buy his own home.

1:08:33 Adam Ten bucks an hour, he's not saving any money.

1:08:35 Caller Well, saving maybe $1.50, but that would help. An hour.

1:08:39 Adam He's not saving money just because he's not spending money. You gotta make money to save money. He's just not losing money. His mom buying him all that, didn't he, more stew? He's good people, he's good people. Drew, let's take a call, come on now. Mary? You're 22? What's happening?

1:08:56 Caller Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm talking to you.

1:08:59 Adam Oh, I'm all sweaty, I'm all fired up here.

1:09:01 Caller You should see him.

1:09:02 Adam Drew should have never brought up the Butterbank PD.

1:09:04 Caller We gotta take a picture of this guy.

1:09:05 Adam Oh, what a pit.

1:09:07 Caller Adam, I didn't call to say this, but I love Crank Yankers and I have just corrupted so many people to listen and watch this show.

1:09:15 Adam It's a fabulous show.

1:09:17 Caller What's Crank Yankers?

1:09:18 Adam Thank you, how dare you?

1:09:22 Drew Crank Yankers, I like the way she says that.

1:09:26 Adam You're calling from Atlanta, sweetie?

1:09:28 Caller I am, baby.

1:09:32 Adam I'm gonna go way out in a limb and guess you never got a jaywalking ticket in your life in Atlanta.

1:09:39 Caller Redneck cops are off doing something else, you know.

1:09:42 Drew Tell me what?

1:09:43 Adam Stopping crime.

1:09:44 Drew Watching Crank Yankers.

1:09:47 Caller No, I called, seriously, I really called because I read Crank, Cracked, Cranked. I read Drew's book and it helped me so much with all the crazy stuff that happened between me and my dad and now I volunteer through Emory University and I've bought like 12 of your books, Drew, and given them to family members.

1:10:12 Drew Thank you, Mary. Did it help them?

1:10:14 Caller People that have come to us with, have kids or, mostly kids for treatment and every single one of them have come back to me and thanked me for this book and I've said, you don't thank me. I had nothing to do with the book.

1:10:27 Adam Thank Adam Carolla, he inspired Drew to write it.

1:10:29 Drew I appreciate it, right?

1:10:31 Adam 50% of the profits.

1:10:33 Drew I was thinking about the book and I thought to myself, I really put a lot into that book and it's a pretty good book.

1:10:38 Adam It's an important book. It's a great piece of literature.

1:10:42 Caller It really is and it helped me so much and like I said, it's helped all these family members so much that have struggled to put their children.

1:10:52 Adam All right, that's breaking my heart. But listen, read that book, buy the book, buy 20 of those books, read them and watch that Crank Yankers, as she says.

1:11:03 Drew Not to be confused with Cracked, which is the book we're talking about.

1:11:06 Adam Yeah, Drew's books, right? My show is Crank Yankers, Comedy Central, everybody, Tuesday nights. All right, we're kicking these guys, Pedro and Luis, out of here.

1:11:14 Drew To the curb, as it were.

1:11:15 Adam Yeah, but listen, your point, first off, about Burbank Petey and the Jay Walken BS is well taken. Secondly, your number two point about the-

1:11:24 Drew Solo graduation.

1:11:26 Caller Solo graduation.

1:11:26 Adam No drunk driving, kids.

1:11:27 Drew And no drinking if you're under 20.

1:11:29 Adam Don't do it, but-

1:11:30 Caller Proms and graduates.

1:11:32 Adam It will ruin you. It will ruin you.

1:11:34 Caller And one more thing.

1:11:35 Adam Yes.

1:11:35 Caller If you're tired, do not get behind the wheel.

1:11:38 Adam Don't get behind the wheel.

1:11:39 Caller Last year, unfortunately, we had a fatality where a kid went to his prom. He had a wonderful time. He's straight arrow, wonderful human being, good student, good son, all together.

1:11:50 Adam Fell asleep.

1:11:50 Caller Fell asleep at the wheel and lost his life.

1:11:52 Adam People, it happens. Everyone knows somebody's fallen asleep. Well, not all of them died, but you fall asleep behind the wheel. I don't know how it works, but it got to us.

1:12:01 Caller Everyone, they can do it. You just gotta be tired.

1:12:03 Adam All right.

1:12:04 Caller You just gotta be tired.

1:12:05 Adam All right, guys. We'll see you here in a little bit.

1:12:07 Drew That's why I talk to you. That's why I talk to you.

1:12:08 Caller Thank you. I greatly appreciate the chance to be here again.

1:12:11 Adam No drinking and driving, and we'll be right back after this. Here, buddy, it's Loveline and Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-L-E-E-1-9-1. All right, don't drink and drive. That's the point. Nelly Furtado is coming in here tomorrow night. Sweet thing, that Nelly. And we got the voice of an angel. So, looking forward to that Nelly Furtado in here tomorrow night. And Drew, what do you say we get to the phones, see what we can do?

1:13:06 Drew Yeah, how about talking to our listeners? That'd be great.

1:13:08 Caller I'd love that.

1:13:09 Drew Come on, man, let's go. Break it down.

1:13:11 Adam Yeah, let's go now.

1:13:12 Drew Come on, break it down.

1:13:13 Caller Talk to our callers.

1:13:13 Adam Hey, Chris, break it down now, buddy. Let's go now. Yeah, all right, all right, all right. Hey, let me tell you something, gentlemen. I use that term loosely. Helmet? Not a chair. It's not a chair. It's not one. Not one, not a chair. Sarah?

1:13:28 Yep.

1:13:29 Adam You're 17?

1:13:31 Caller Yep.

1:13:32 Adam What's up, baby doll?

1:13:34 Caller I'm just like having issues with this guy right now.

1:13:37 Drew What's here about it? What happened?

1:13:42 Caller Well, we were like best friends for like almost a year and we ended up messing around and things got really awkward and now he pretty much hates me.

1:13:52 Drew Why'd they get awkward?

1:13:54 Caller I don't really know.

1:13:58 Adam She's into him and he's not into her.

1:14:00 Drew No, no, no. Other way around. Sarah, here's the deal. This friend, are you, with this year of friendship, was he just your friend?

1:14:09 Caller Yeah, like pretty much. We were like best friends. I mean, he pretty much lived at my house.

1:14:14 Drew All right, Sarah, but the whole time he was there. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

1:14:17 Adam Let's just quiet down.

1:14:18 Drew Hold the camera, gender.

1:14:19 Adam Oh, quiet. Okay, but things got awkward. What does that mean?

1:14:23 Caller Well, I mean, like, you know, when you mess around, you're best friend. A lot of sex, like, Messed around.

1:14:28 Drew She had sex with him and then she wanted to go on and have a boyfriend.

1:14:31 Caller I'm a virgin.

1:14:32 Adam Hold on, Drew, quiet down.

1:14:33 Drew You're always wrong.

1:14:39 Adam You did everything else and whose idea was it to stop doing things?

1:14:45 Caller I guess it was kind of mutual.

1:14:47 Drew No, it was her. It's her.

1:14:50 Adam No, no, no, no, hold on a second.

1:14:52 Caller He worked with me and we were together all the time.

1:14:55 Adam Drew, I know you have a sort of preconceived answer to this. It's not as obvious to me. I'm trying to figure out which one of them pulled out.

1:15:03 Drew Sarah, why did you, you kind of wanted to let this thing wind down. Is that it right? Yes or no?

1:15:13 Caller I didn't really want it to stop.

1:15:15 Drew Well, you didn't want it to stop.

1:15:16 Caller I wanted to do-

1:15:17 Adam Hold on a second.

1:15:18 Caller Drew, let's hear.

1:15:20 Adam My point is, is if you stuff words in their mouth and then they try to sort of work around them, it gets confusing. Don't say, well, who really wanted this to stop? You wanted it to stop, didn't you? It doesn't work right that way. Just let them answer. And by the way, she's dizzy enough not to get- That's why I'm trying to get a yes or a no. It's gonna take 20 minutes anyway. Yeah, but don't steer them. You guys were great friends. You fooled around. You got physical. You didn't go all the way. You did everything but. This went on for what period of time? Your physical relationship.

1:15:58 Caller A month.

1:15:59 Adam A month. And it.

1:16:00 Caller Wasn't that long.

1:16:01 Adam It wasn't that long. And it stopped because of what?

1:16:06 Caller Because things got awkward and I was getting jealous because he was hanging out with other girls and he'd bring them to my house. But I didn't have the right to say anything because he, whatever. Like, we're not going out or whatever.

1:16:19 Adam Okay, Drew's 180% 180 degrees off his usual. All right, so quiet down. Okay, so now the problem is what?

1:16:31 Caller The problem is now I still care about him. I want to be with him, but he actually like hates me right now.

1:16:36 Adam Please, you owe me now.

1:16:37 Drew Why does he hate you?

1:16:38 Caller Because we worked together and all this stuff happened with my boss and I told on him for something.

1:16:47 Adam What do you do, by the way, that you're at an amount for?

1:16:50 Caller Um, he pretty much cussed me out from work. He called me and started cussing me out for no reason. So, it was just little things like that. He'd like be at work and he'd be like, yeah, I had sex last night. And he'd just say things to piss me off.

1:17:03 Adam All right, all right. Here's what's going on and it happens every time.

1:17:08 Drew I still don't know if this was a little bit of both going on.

1:17:10 Adam No.

1:17:11 Drew When they were friends, who was it that took it from friendship to physical?

1:17:16 Well, I don't know.

1:17:17 Caller We both wanted to be physical.

1:17:19 Drew Well, during the time that you were being friends, did you secretly have a real crush on him?

1:17:24 Caller Oh yeah.

1:17:26 Drew All right, there you go.

1:17:28 Adam Here's the thing. You were what we call a target of opportunity or convenience like the military does. Once in a while they're flying home from a bombing raid and they see something that looks suspicious, they drop a 2,000 pounder on it. You know, easy to do. And not a primary target, but why not? This happens. Drew is a man of exquisite passion, surely you've been there. The point is, is her heart is broken because for him, it was just, you know, casual fun. And for her, it was serious with the potential of something.

1:17:59 Drew She's been waiting for this for a long time.

1:18:00 Adam Right. And you're hurt and it's turning an anger. It's coming out anger. And you guys aren't gonna be able to hang out anymore because there's way too many feelings.

1:18:12 Drew No way. You should be as far away from this guy as possible.

1:18:14 Adam And when there's one person that has a ton of feelings and the other person that doesn't really care, it just can't hang.

1:18:20 Drew Sometimes though people get into this sort of envy mode where they got to destroy somebody. No one else can have him if I can't. That is a bad place to be, Sarah. That is about as far down the path of into evil that there's a human gets. It's a bad thing. It's gonna make you do things you shouldn't be doing a little bad for you, bad for him. Don't do it.

1:18:41 Adam Okay, so here's the whole thing. Extricate yourself from the situation and don't give any of that BS. Oh, we were such great friends. No, you were just into him and he got horny a couple of nights. He's not your friend. You learned a lesson, move on and, oh, Drew, we don't talk about it that much anymore, but everyone's gonna make mistakes. Everyone's gonna screw up. The ones of you that can cut your losses and move on, whether it's a horrible job, horrible relationship, horrible whatever situation.

1:19:09 Drew No matter how long much time you have spent.

1:19:12 Adam That's right, that's right. Here's the thing. Here's what a winner is, Drew. It's not somebody who doesn't get themselves into trouble. Because anybody goes out and experiences life is gonna get something. They're gonna have a bad boss, they're gonna have a bad landlord, they're gonna have a bad boyfriend or girlfriend. They're gonna get in a bad situation. The ones that pick up and move on, those are the winners. They recognize this isn't working.

1:19:32 Drew Resiliency, flexibility, adaptability, that's all they need.

1:19:36 Adam The ones that like, well, I knew he was slamming junk when I married him, but I married him anyway. You know that kind of thing? Then you get in the white trash. Veronica? You're 18, baby doll.

1:19:53 Drew Oh my goodness.

1:19:54 Adam Oh my goodness, when is your birthday? I'm gonna send you out something. Whoa, man. June 21st, first day of summer.

1:20:06 Caller I talked to you guys like for the first time ever, like last year around Father's Day, and I talked to you guys, and then I was telling you that I was starting to drink a lot while I had been doing drugs and drinking a lot, and then I hurt myself because I recorded it, and I listened to it back, and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm so stupid, and then that trapped kept saying, oh, well, you gotta stop, you know, no one's gonna help you except for yourself, and I haven't drank or nothing for like a year.

1:20:29 Adam Fantastic. Hold on, you did what?

1:20:33 Caller But, what?

1:20:35 Adam Well, do me a favor and repeat the phrase, more jello, please, and say it with enthusiasm if you would. Yeah, say, when I cue you, you say, more jello, please. All right, you ready? And action. Wow, that's great. 19.

1:21:00 Caller Why do you want me to say that?

1:21:02 Adam Get a training bra in there, buddy.

1:21:05 Drew Because a four-year-old couldn't have done it with the greater...

1:21:09 Adam Yeah, you sound young.

1:21:10 Caller C-D-C-D.

1:21:12 Drew That's her. That's her.

1:21:13 Caller H-I-J-K-R-M-I-O-P.

1:21:14 Drew That's her.

1:21:14 Adam That's you, isn't it? Is that you?

1:21:18 Drew Say the alphabet. That's her.

1:21:22 Adam Say the alphabet and say it's sing-song-y or I will hang up on you. Sing-song-y and alphabetic-y. Ready? Action.

1:21:38 Drew That's her.

1:21:40 Adam Are you sure that wasn't you saying the alphabet before?

1:21:43 Caller Maybe though.

1:21:44 Drew Of course it was her.

1:21:45 Caller It wasn't her because she wouldn't know what you guys are getting at.

1:21:47 Drew No, no, no, no.

1:21:49 Adam She said maybe though.

1:21:59 Drew You know how I am with the voices? That is her. That is her.

1:22:02 Adam Drew is always wrong, but he is never wrong with the voices. Hold on a second. Our callers are so whacked out most of the time that I can't even figure out.

1:22:18 Drew What line of thinking they are going down?

1:22:21 Adam Now, is that the girl who is doing the ABC voice or not? Drew says absolutely.

1:22:26 Drew Category.

1:22:27 Adam 100%.

1:22:28 Drew You're convinced.

1:22:28 Adam Okay. Now, Veronica doesn't seem to be the kind of person who would deny it if we could get her to understand what the question was.

1:22:36 Drew Right. Okay.

1:22:37 Adam Let me try this again. Veronica. Just rest your mind for a second. Okay.

1:22:45 Drew Deep cleansing breath.

1:22:46 Adam All right. Take a breath in. Breath in.

1:22:48 Caller Okay.

1:22:49 Adam All right. The tape we played you, the girl doing the alphabet. Was that you?

1:23:02 Caller No, no, no. That's not me.

1:23:05 Drew How do you know that's not you?

1:23:06 Caller Because I would have remembered me saying that.

1:23:09 Adam I mean, how does she know it's her?

1:23:10 Drew I'm wondering if that's what she's saying. I don't sound like that.

1:23:17 Adam Do you got a package?

1:23:22 Drew Well then say the alphabet to prove that it's not you. Here we go.

1:23:36 Adam Kind of a boner when you did that.

1:23:38 Caller Is that wrong?

1:23:39 Adam Is that so wrong?

1:23:40 Drew No, that's the victim stuff.

1:23:42 Adam All right, baby doll, what happened? Were you sexually abused?

1:23:45 Caller No.

1:23:46 Adam No?

1:23:46 Caller No.

1:23:47 Adam Okay. You love your dad? All right. He's around? Uh-huh. Oh, and you're calling from Tucson, so he probably works one of those things at this... You know when you're driving along the freeway and there's like a backyard fruit check? Does he do that one? Doesn't check for backyard fruit? I'm always curious about that. I wonder what kind of pomegranates are in the car.

1:24:15 Drew What is your question, Veronica?

1:24:17 Caller Well, I've been doing good. I've been going to school and I have a job full time, but I've been also working out and stuff. But now I've been like once I start eating and stuff, I'm like there goes my workout. So then I've lately been throwing up my food and I was wondering is that like people that do that a lot, are they born with that or?

1:24:37 Drew No, it's called bulimia and people die of that.

1:24:40 Caller So yeah, I know that. But I'm asking like can I die of that or is it just you have to be born with that?

1:24:46 Adam Or are you people? Alright, then you can die of it.

1:24:51 Caller And I can die of it and it feels like cigarettes, the more you do it, the more addictive you come to it or?

1:24:56 Drew In some respects, but the more serious the consequences and again, it's trauma that tends to cause people to do that and that's what we were getting at with you and your sort of our sense of you as an underdeveloped person.

1:25:08 Adam Well, let's just play it safe and not throw up anymore after we eat.

1:25:13 Drew Well, she won't. She has bulimia and that's something that needs treatment. And so you need to get treatment regularly.

1:25:19 Adam Oh, she won't stop.

1:25:20 Drew The crazy, the little girl voice we're hearing, the drug and alcohol use and the bulimia suggest very serious mental health issues.

1:25:34 Adam She says no. I picture living off of strawberry quick and pixie sticks.

1:25:40 Drew And Kool-Aid.

1:25:41 Adam Yeah, maybe like a camp, a Kool-Aid, like a hummingbird size camp. All right, baby doll, come on now. That's enough.

1:25:48 Drew Break it down.

1:25:49 Adam Break it down.

1:25:49 Drew But you listen, seriously, these are very serious symptoms you're having. It doesn't get more serious than that. Eating disorder, substance and trauma. That's it.

1:26:00 Adam Let's take a break. We'll be right back.

1:26:06 Caller A-B-C-B-E-F-E-E-T-I-G-E.

1:26:09 Adam What are women most attracted to?

1:26:11 Drew Confident guys.

1:26:12 Adam That's right. You can't buy that confidence. At least you couldn't until now.

1:26:16 Drew What do we got?

1:26:16 Adam You got Axe deodorant, body spray.

1:26:19 Caller Live on O5, Alternative, San Francisco.

1:26:31 Adam Hey, everybody. You're listening to 93.9 and 101.7, rock.

1:26:37 Caller Oh, wait, wait, whoa, whoa.

1:26:38 Adam Oh, we're doing some linings now.

1:26:42 Drew Explain what that was.

1:26:43 Adam People were just, well, we have to read, we have to read what we call station liners, I think, for fillings.

1:26:50 Drew Station identifications and things like that, and promos.

1:26:53 Adam Yeah, do one. I bet you screw it up. I bet, and sell it. Sell it, let people do your broadcasting voice.

1:27:00 Drew It's Loveline, 92.9 WBUF, Buffalo's Rock Station. Nice.

1:27:05 Adam There you go, that's nice. All right, let's hop on to the phones, Drew. We gotta really help these people out. Let's go, let's break it down. Nellie Furtado coming in here tomorrow night. Really into her. Nate, have I mentioned that?

1:27:17 Caller Yeah, you mentioned it.

1:27:18 Adam What's going on, guys? Nate, 24.

1:27:20 Caller Yeah, I got kind of a problem. I was in a pretty bad motorcycle accident last month.

1:27:27 Adam Street bike or dirt bike?

1:27:28 Caller Dirt bike, it was a Ducati.

1:27:31 Adam Oh, nice bike. Which one?

1:27:33 Caller It was the Monster. So it wasn't like the bull bike. It was kind of the street bike.

1:27:39 Uh-huh, okay.

1:27:40 Caller But I was in a pretty bad accident and I got pretty mangled up but I got these external fixators in my hip.

1:27:50 Adam External fixer means it's wearing like outside pins going in through the skin.

1:27:54 Drew From the outside, big metal.

1:27:56 Adam Oh, in the pelvis area.

1:28:00 Caller We've been on my back for a month. But when I first got in the accident, I noticed that my, can I say balls on the radio?

1:28:08 Drew Yeah.

1:28:09 Caller I guess it's too late. But I noticed that they were really, really purple and bruised up pretty bad. And it's been about a month later and I tried to masturbate. And I tried it twice and the first time I tried it.

1:28:26 Adam Smoke came out the first time. Doctors missed it.

1:28:29 Caller Well, the first time I tried it, nothing happened.

1:28:33 Drew Are you on pain meds?

1:28:34 Caller Yeah, I'm on Lord Tabs.

1:28:36 Drew Yeah, that's probably what's holding you back more than anything.

1:28:38 Caller And so I tried it tonight and I had the sensation of finishing but nothing came out. I'm wondering if it's maybe the accident or the catheter that I had to wear for the first three weeks.

1:28:52 Drew Yeah, it's all that, all that. Do you want any of the medication besides the Lord Tab?

1:28:57 Caller I'm taking my weight and pills every day.

1:28:59 Drew Yeah, you may be getting retrograde ejaculation from your pills. And sometimes a catheter will do that too.

1:29:05 Adam But here's the thing, all bets are off for now. I mean, you got a horrible accident.

1:29:12 Drew It's not like you have to go into a lengthy workup to figure out what might have done this. You know what I mean? You had a bad accident.

1:29:18 Adam Yeah, you got a clip on 50 and a Ducati.

1:29:20 Drew You're on meds, you had a catheter, all these things are contributing.

1:29:23 Adam But here's the thing too, by the way, which is, man, 24 and on your back for two months and no beating off. Ooh. Yeah. I put a bullet in my mouth, you know what I'm saying?

1:29:40 Drew Yeah, we have to keep sharp objects away from you.

1:29:42 Adam Yeah, I got to be on suicide alert. You know what I mean?

1:29:45 Drew Yeah.

1:29:45 Adam I got to be on my watch. All right, who are we talking to, Drew? Let's talk to Josh, who's 15. 15, Josh?

1:29:51 Yeah.

1:29:52 Adam You had unprotected sex with your girlfriend?

1:29:54 Yeah.

1:29:56 Adam And did it four times in a week?

1:29:58 Yeah.

1:29:59 Drew And he's depressed.

1:30:01 Adam And she just got started? Well, cry me a river, buddy. 15, getting laid four times a week. And she just started the birth control pill?

1:30:11 Caller Well, she started it about a month and a half ago, but she doesn't take it every, well, she takes it every day, but some days she doesn't take it at the same time. Some days she's about two to three hours late taking it.

1:30:23 Drew That's fine. Relax. But if you're that anxious about being sexually active, maybe you shouldn't be sexually active. You know, you're freaked out about everything. And oh my gosh, just an hour off in her pillow. Is she gonna get pregnant? Come on.

1:30:38 Adam Really, at 15, I hate to sound like grandpa Corolla here, but at 15, it's just a little much.

1:30:46 Drew Yeah.

1:30:46 Adam It's a little much. I don't know what he's supposed to do now.

1:30:50 Drew Can't go back.

1:30:52 Adam Drew is a man of exquisite passion. You know, once that boner ship sails, it's hard to get it back in the port, yes? Yeah. All right. Well, listen, keep her on the pill and wear a condom.

1:31:06 Drew I'm trying to put that boner ship in port.

1:31:08 Adam Patrick? Your fiance was raped. You've not had sex yet with her?

1:31:15 No.

1:31:16 Adam Yet she's your fiance?

1:31:19 Yeah.

1:31:20 Adam And how old is she?

1:31:21 She's 17 off the board, soon to be 18.

1:31:25 Drew How long ago was she raped?

1:31:27 A couple months ago. I have to apologize ahead of time. I'm trying my best to keep control of myself, not lose, get angry and whatnot. All right.

1:31:40 Adam It's very emotional.

1:31:42 Yes.

1:31:43 Drew OK. Well, and who raped her?

1:31:49 Actually, people that used to be her friends. It was a gang rape, really.

1:31:59 Drew And after that, you decided to get engaged or before that?

1:32:04 We were planning to ahead of time. We were going to, you know.

1:32:07 Drew Do you live with your parents?

1:32:09 Yes.

1:32:10 Drew Does she live with her parents?

1:32:11 Yes.

1:32:12 Drew And they support this idea of you getting married so young?

1:32:16 Well, she's actually, she's moving. So it really has to be now.

1:32:22 Drew Where's she moving to?

1:32:24 Out of the country.

1:32:26 Adam Now, by the way, this is one of those calls. We don't, Jordan and I don't look at each other too much when we do the show, but this is one of our weird look calls. We both look at each other and go, huh, huh, all right.

1:32:35 I believe.

1:32:36 Adam What country is she moving to?

1:32:38 Canada.

1:32:40 Drew And you're going to go with her?

1:32:42 I was planning to, but we decided it's best to stay here.

1:32:47 Adam Okay. Did you ever see the movie Brian Song?

1:32:51 No.

1:32:51 Adam All right, let's see if I can get him to start crying again. All right, here's the thing, Patrick. She needs to get therapy for what happened to her.

1:33:00 Drew This is a way more complex situation than you realize.

1:33:02 Adam Way more, way more. No, try not to fixate on it, right? It's not your problem, it's her problem, but it will become your problem. She needs therapy and you guys need to not get married. It doesn't mean you don't love each other. It doesn't mean you're not gonna get married one day.

1:33:18 Caller Just this is not right now.

1:33:19 Adam Toot, this is you building Noah's Ark with a nail file. Forget it. Wait, floods not for another 30 years. Slow down. We'll take a break, we'll be back.

1:33:33 Caller Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:33:36 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

1:33:38 Caller Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE. So get your problems ready.

1:34:08 Adam Well that's the show everybody. I wanna thank the boys from LAPD, Pedro and Luis, for coming out here and tell everyone.

1:34:18 Caller And sitting through your tirade, by the way.

1:34:19 Drew That was nice of them.

1:34:20 Adam They started by talking about Burbank off the air that way.

1:34:24 Drew Disparaging them the way they did, yeah.

1:34:26 Adam Sure. Here's the point, no drinking and driving. Or at least don't drive like an a-hole if you're drunk.

1:34:31 Drew No drinking.

1:34:32 Adam No, sober graduation, everybody. That's right, leave the drinking to the pros. We'll take ourselves a quick break, 22 hours. Nellie Furtado in here tomorrow night. Now, I'm gonna wait here for her. I'm waiting, I'm not going home, I'm gonna wait.

1:34:44 Drew Not even to get the racked going?

1:34:46 Adam Nope.

1:34:47 Drew Racked up, what's it called?

1:34:49 Caller Racked up.

1:34:50 Adam So until next time, come on, Drew. This is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:35:00 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, May 19, 2004