Episode 1000612284873

1:10 Voiceover Listen, discretion is advised. Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:11 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam.

1:11 That's Dr. Drew.

1:11 Drew Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

1:11 Dr. Drew, board certified physician.

1:12 Drew Dish, meds, bed, relationships. Yeah, baby. All right, now, Drew, the lost profits were supposed to be in here tonight. What's wrong with the...

1:21 Adam We're getting feedback. You guys hear that?

1:22 Drew Yeah.

1:23 Adam Engineer Chris hears it, so he's on it. He's on it.

1:26 Drew He's on it.

1:26 Adam All right.

1:27 Drew Uh-oh, he's picked up the phone. That means he's ordering a pizza so he can focus because his blood sugar is low. All right, can you hear me?

1:35 Adam Yeah, we're fine. Just ignore it. There, Anderson got it.

1:37 Drew Anderson got it.

1:38 Adam It's done. Chris, it's over.

1:40 Caller That's all right.

1:40 Adam Thanks, though.

1:41 Caller Thanks.

1:43 Adam Good hustle.

1:43 Drew Good hustle. Lost profits, supposed to come in tonight, going to come in tomorrow night.

1:49 Adam Oh, there it's back.

1:49 Drew Now we're back. Stand up again and hold the phone. There's really, I don't know why, but sort of snafus seem to know when you're Moving. Moving on them. They become like roaches. They see the light flick on in the kitchen. They scurry. You know what I'm saying?

2:05 Adam They become like the superstitious pigeon.

2:07 Drew Yeah.

2:08 Adam Which is a famous skin area experiment. We just had random food being sent to the pigeon. The pigeon started going through all these random, bizarre rituals in order to get the food, when in fact it's being reinforced randomly.

2:16 Drew It's random. Right. But you think you're controlling it somehow.

2:19 Adam So you start going through increasingly bizarre and elaborate rituals. Look, Chris, now. Chris got one elbow up, phone hand on the phone.

2:25 Drew Pull one nut out and turn counterclockwise. And, wait, is it working again? All right.

2:32 Adam I wonder if there's a phone line on or something. It's kind of sounding like that. Let me try this. Okay. Let's see what happens.

2:38 Drew All right. We're good. You ready to rock?

2:39 Adam Let's go.

2:40 Drew Yeah. Anyway, lost profits. Supposed to. Uh-oh.

2:45 Adam Just keep talking.

2:46 Drew Okay. Supposed to come in. You never know how truly annoying your voice is until it comes back at you a second and a half later. Lost profits supposed to be in here tonight are going to be in tomorrow night.

2:56 Adam Right.

2:57 Drew And then we've got Steve-O and Chris Panias coming in here from Wild Boys, of course. You ready? Looking good? Here we go. Brandy.

3:08 Hello?

3:08 Drew You're 17? What's up? Yeah.

3:15 Caller Well, I discharge every day and I didn't know if that was normal.

3:19 Drew Mm-hmm. Well, I fart at least.

3:22 Adam Do you have a discharge with it?

3:23 Drew Oh. What is that? Are you telling me that's not farting?

3:28 Adam That's not farting.

3:28 Drew Oh, my God.

3:29 Adam Discharge implies sort of a liquid.

3:31 Drew Oh, my God. All these years.

3:33 Adam Yeah.

3:34 Drew I was wondering why people were talking about it so overly.

3:36 Adam Why it sustains so nicely, too.

3:37 Drew With the doctors and... Why what?

3:39 Adam Why it sustains so nicely. But, Brandy, it's a common thing, and it doesn't necessarily mean a darn thing. Are you sexually active?

3:46 Caller No, I'm not.

3:47 Adam There can be vaginal infections in the... Well, there can be vaginal infections that can add to increased discharge and funny smells and things. It's definitely nothing to be worried about.

3:57 Drew Well, every day?

3:59 Caller Yeah.

3:59 Adam Daily discharge. Are you heavy or overweight? Are you overweight at all?

4:04 Caller No. I'm not. I'm actually really thin.

4:09 Drew Isn't that gonna... It's like a nose that never stops running. You know what I mean?

4:15 Adam You would know what that is.

4:15 Drew Is that kind of a problem?

4:17 Adam Not necessarily. What color is the discharge?

4:23 Drew Yeah. What do you do down there? What do you do? Put a bar rag down there?

4:29 Adam Just change the underwear.

4:30 Drew That's it, huh? Just at the end of a good day, that they're hamper bound, you can't turn them inside out and wear them the next day like me. It's my whole thing with underpants is, if they're dry, they're good. You know?

4:47 Adam By the time they dry, they're good.

4:48 Drew By the time they dry, they're back to good. Although I gotta tell you, and Drew, as you know, I'm not a funky guy at all. I just, I'm not a funky guy, but that area...

4:58 Adam Got the funk?

4:59 Drew The sack.

5:00 Adam Oh, the sack's got the funk.

5:02 Drew The sack has the funk.

5:03 Adam Could it be the paper mache casing you've built around it with the italic that you...

5:08 Drew That's my problem. I haven't used enough towel.

5:10 There could be some funky smell coming from your job.

5:13 Adam I'm not kidding you. Who is that?

5:15 Drew That's Perry Farrell. Alex?

5:19 Yeah.

5:20 Drew Who has a combination of, you know, sounding crazy, sounding gay, and sounding like a genius all at the same time? And maybe not being any of those things, by the way, but still sounding more like those three things than almost anybody. Alex?

5:34 Yeah.

5:34 Drew Twenty-three, what's up?

5:36 Well, for the past couple of years, I've had a pretty mean painkiller addiction. And I've tried to quit, like, a couple different times. All of it ends up just, you know, me going back. Give me the pills, Skipper.

5:52 Adam What do you mean, you've been treated a couple of times?

5:55 Pardon?

5:56 Adam You've been treated a couple of times?

5:58 No, I've tried doing it on my own.

5:59 Adam Okay, without treatment, impossible that you would stay off it. It just does not exist in nature. It just doesn't exist in nature. That's the way it is. You could switch to something else. Okay, now we're talking. Switching over to pot or alcohol. But there's no way you can stay abstinent without treatment.

6:15 Yeah, every time I've tried, every time in the past that I've tried, I end up, you know, just getting extremely sick, you know.

6:22 Adam Even if you could get through the withdrawal, which no one ever does as an outpatient, in my experience, even if you get through that, you still would go back 100% of the time.

6:31 So what is there that I can do to...

6:32 Adam You have to go to a hospital and get treated. It's a serious condition. They will treat your addiction. It's going to take a few weeks, and you're going to have to make this a priority in your life for the next six months or so. It's a big deal. It's a hard disease. It's the worst form of addiction. It's opiate addiction. And it takes many months to treat effectively. Not that you can't work or anything during this time, but you have to have the treatment as the priority or the focus in your life for a while.

6:56 Drew Now, what's the worst addiction to try to beat? Opiates, painkillers. Easiest to get going on, too, right?

7:03 Adam Yeah, it's so simple, isn't it?

7:05 Drew And unknowingly, all of it.

7:07 Adam There's a couple things that happen. There's the unknowing version, which is, I just had knee pain, or I broke my knee, and all of a sudden, three weeks later, I seemed to be taking more than I was supposed to, and I was bugging my doctor for more, but I had pain. What are you going to do?

7:18 Drew You can get going with these things in a week, right?

7:21 Adam Two weeks really is what it takes to really get going. Unless you're an opiate addict already, then you can get going in a couple of days. But if you had never been an opiate addict before, and you get going with it, and it's just, after all, I'm just trying to control my pain. But most opiate addicts will tell you that even when they were focused on the pain, they had a sense that, boy, man, that just made things feel just okay. Everything was okay now.

7:42 Drew Well, even non-addicts seem to, except for me, get their kicks out of the Vicodin and stuff.

7:50 Adam If you get kicks, you've got to be careful.

7:52 Drew Well, I don't mean kicks. I just mean, A, well, here's the thing. You're in pain. This puts you out of your pain. You're going to like whatever that is. More than just putting it out of your pain. It's going to be a friend to you. I mean, it will soothe you in a sense. I mean, it's not just erasing the pain. Think of what it means symbolically. You were hurting before you took this magic pill, now you're not. I mean, psychologically, that's got to have an effect. More, moreover, I mean, moreover than just the pain killing.

8:24 Adam It's interesting you put that all together because there is a an activation of the soothing nurturing part of the brain by the drug, too. In the addict. So the fact that you put it all together that way kind of scares me.

8:35 Drew No, no, non-addicts. Everybody who tries Vicodin seems to really like it.

8:41 Adam No, I hate it.

8:41 Drew Well, I don't like it either.

8:43 Adam The pain made me feel like just ass.

8:45 Drew Well, I didn't get high.

8:46 Adam I'm a little pissed off about it too. I am too.

8:48 Drew I didn't get a good buzz at all.

8:49 Adam Well, not only that, my thing is, what if I had to get cancer and need this stuff? Makes me feel like, just, holy hell.

8:54 Drew I'm going to give you some morphine. Same thing? First off, why do you say everything's the same thing?

9:00 Adam Because they're all...

9:03 Drew Morphine would probably work on you better than...

9:05 Adam The difference is the side effects and the duration of action.

9:08 Drew Get on that. I bet you I get you a nice jabby with a nice morphine cactus pow right in the ass. You'd love it. No morphine, no good either.

9:16 Adam It feels like vomiting.

9:17 Drew Well, you're kind of a lightweight.

9:20 Adam I'm a lightweight, so I just feel like S. I have what's called the Epsilon receptor, which is the one that makes me nausea and like S from these drugs, which makes me mad.

9:27 Drew Wish I could feel good too for these things. I don't know. Just suck on a rag that's been dipped in scotch or something like a newborn. Vicodin is just no fun for me. It makes you feel a little, a little speedy or something. But other than that, it's not a good high. I'll just drink a, go to the park and drink a Mickey's Big Mouth. I'm just angry after the hype. Now you get me, give me some Valium or something. Maybe we can talk. Now I'm feeling good. Of course, like the Kickstarter was just a little bit of scotch. But here's my point. My step sister is out in Seattle. She had a little she's 17.

10:08 Adam Step sister.

10:08 Drew Step sister. Oh, sorry. Step niece. Step sister's kids. Seventeen. Just got some kind of mysterious illness. I don't even know what it is. But had to take Vicodin for two weeks. Now they got to get her off it. And not, they're not saying it's not in the rehab or something. But you take this Vicodin for a couple weeks. Everyone I know. Everyone I know who takes it, likes it. And doesn't, you know, when it's, when it's done. And I know, Drew, you love to roll your eyes and say, oh, everyone's, everyone's an addict. I don't know anyone who's had it for a period of time that doesn't miss it when it's time, when it's time to go away.

10:46 Adam That's me. You hang out, you hang out with anyone who's not an addict?

10:49 Caller Shut up, Drew.

10:51 Drew But everyone I know, you jackass. Everyone. Everyone.

10:56 Adam Not me.

10:56 Drew Everyone. You don't like anything because you're a control freak.

10:59 Adam Not everyone.

11:00 Drew And you can't handle being out of control. So you go nuts. You can't be altered.

11:03 Adam Not at all.

11:04 Drew You freak out.

11:05 Adam Because the vales, the addicts.

11:06 Drew I'm not talking to you about this.

11:07 Adam Wait a minute.

11:08 Drew Jesus Christ, we can't have a normal exchange on this because everyone's an addict.

11:12 Adam That's not what I'm saying.

11:13 Drew It's all you say. It's all you ever say about this.

11:16 Adam Hey, you have always said that you hang out with addicts. That's all you've always said.

11:20 Drew I've never said that. I've never said that. I've never said that.

11:26 Adam Then you've never said that. That's fine.

11:28 Drew All I ever hang out is with addicts.

11:30 Adam What do you say about you, the guys?

11:31 Drew I have one friend who got in trouble with drugs. That's it. The rest were just jackasses. Everyone's an addict to you, Drew. These guys drank, they smoked weed, whatever. They're not addicts.

11:44 Adam However you describe it.

11:45 Drew Your criteria for this is so slim. Your margin is so paper thin that everyone who comes in, you see everyone you know, everyone you deal with, addict, addict, addict, you don't leave yourself open to anything. It's unrealistic, your criteria.

11:59 Adam Let's stay focused. It's not true. Criteria, it affects 10% of people. So it's 1 out of 10.

12:04 Drew That's very true with you.

12:05 Adam It's 1 out of 10. It's very common. It has, and your comment was that everybody loves it. My point was no, no, it's unique to the biology of the drug. Some people feel, I had a woman come in sobbing when she takes Vita. She feels so dysphoric when she takes it. It's a profoundly negative feeling.

12:21 Drew Of course, I don't mean every person who's ever tried it. Everyone who I talk to has a good experience with it, seems to want it, seems to want more. That's it. Everybody. Why do we have such a huge problem with it? Because nobody likes it? Everyone's an addict? Which is it? I mean, is everybody an addict?

12:41 Adam Where is the problem with it? With non-addicts?

12:46 Drew who comes across this drug seems to take to it.

12:49 Adam If we have a huge problem with it, we have a huge problem with it. Who is manifesting the huge problem?

12:55 Drew People who ingest the drug. And become, and become, And become addicted to it.

13:01 Adam That's all I'm saying.

13:01 Drew So they're all addicts?

13:03 Adam Everyone that becomes addicted is an addict.

13:06 Drew Drew, you're, yeah, okay, but somebody who's had no history of, you see now people haven't had a history of anything for 45 years who break, bruise a tailbone, snowboarding are addicts. Everyone's an addict now.

13:21 Adam No, no, no.

13:21 Drew That's your, that's, that is. Drew, you know you do this. It's ridiculous to have an exchange about it.

13:28 Hey, guys.

13:29 Adam Yeah.

13:29 I was taking 18 a day for a while.

13:31 Adam Yeah, yeah.

13:32 And I was a speed act before that. I did speed every day.

13:35 Adam For about two years.

13:36 And I hate Vicodin now.

13:37 Drew Hold on, who is this?

13:38 This is Anderson Jack.

13:40 Drew Oh.

13:40 Adam You hate Vicodin. But you always talked about how you switch from one to the other, which is what I was telling the other kid he could do. You could switch.

13:47 No, I never switched anything, except for like switching drugs.

13:50 Adam Speed to Vicodin.

13:52 No, I was taking Vicodin for my back pain because I had a broken back, shattered back.

13:57 Adam Right, right.

13:59 And then I hated it and I stopped taking it and I stopped taking any kind of drugs after that because I just hated it.

14:04 Adam And then you're not an addict.

14:05 That sucks. I always tell people I'm an addict and I feel good about my...

14:07 Drew But you're a speed addict. What about the speed?

14:09 Adam The addicts can't stop.

14:10 Drew Well, maybe he didn't like Vicodin, but he liked speed.

14:15 Adam Well, he stopped speed, though.

14:16 Drew Well, here is... It's always a catch-22, because unless you're in the grave, then you're still an addict, according to Drew, or you weren't one in the first place, because you stopped.

14:26 Adam The thing is, it's an incipient process, and once it crosses the threshold, the biology is such that you really can't stop it. If you can't stop, you either didn't fully trigger it or you're not an addict.

14:36 Drew I'm saying everybody I know who comes across Vicodin loves it. Doesn't mean they can't stop it. Doesn't mean they get strung out on it. They like it though. They do it for a few weeks and at the end of a few weeks when it's time to stop because the impact of Molar has gone away, they miss it. I'm not saying they go out and score at the park, but I can see why so many people get so much momentum going with this drug.

15:01 Adam But only addicts get addicted. That's the definition.

15:06 Drew Alright. But there's certain substances that are much more easily that you can become addicted to much more easily. Can't you agree with that?

15:18 Adam Like, what are you thinking of?

15:19 Drew Well, everybody who tries this thing is into it. That's what I'm saying.

15:25 Adam That's what I'm saying.

15:27 Drew Well, people don't have that same, they don't have that same thing with heroin.

15:31 Next caller, please.

15:33 Drew That's what I'm saying. I'm saying you take a 14 year old girl, you give her Vicodin, she wants more Vicodin a week later. It's very easy that way.

15:44 Adam And heroin wouldn't do that?

15:46 Drew No, I don't think it would. I think she'd vomit when one anymore of it. Why do you got to do that? What do you want the puss on? I don't understand. I know you're an addiction medicine specialist. On the other hand, I'm always right about everything we argue about every time. Why do you do that? Because I yell at you and then you get all weird and you do that mousy thing with your hands.

16:07 Adam There's no point in arguing. You've decided. You're judge and jury and that's all.

16:12 Drew Drew's mad because I was yelling at him because every time well, if you turn everyone into an addict, they just stop listening to you. That's all. You do that. You decide everyone who comes into your clinic as a history of abuse and in order to keep that theory correct, then you just turn them all into abuse victims. They're not all necessarily abuse victims or whatever it is. So you got to stay open, man. All right. Drew's mad.

16:39 Adam I'm not mad.

16:40 Drew I know.

16:40 Adam We're not having a discussion.

16:42 Drew Let's have a discussion. Let's have a discussion. No, let's do it on the air.

16:46 Adam All right.

16:47 Drew What's your thing? All I'm saying. You know what I'm saying.

16:51 Adam Yeah, that's fine.

16:52 Drew All right.

16:56 Adam You're entitled to your opinion. That's fine.

16:57 Drew All right.

16:58 Adam I study this. I deal with it every day.

17:00 Drew You get super angry.

17:02 Adam Not angry.

17:03 Drew No, I know you're not angry. It's worse than angry. If we were angry, we'd do some decent radio. You're just going to pout about the whole thing. You study this all day long.

17:11 All right. Okay.

17:13 Drew All right. Now, now look, we got to have a discussion about it. You got, but you can't pout. You got to discuss.

17:22 Adam What would you like?

17:23 Drew What should I do? What would you like me to do?

17:24 Adam What would you like me to say?

17:28 Drew I want to discuss Vicodin. My point is, is it's easier to get addicted to this stuff, or people seem to take to it more easily than they do other forms of drugs. Your thing is then they're addicts. Then they're addicts.

17:40 Adam Absolutely not. Heroin is one of the few drugs where people...

17:45 Drew I'm not comparing it to heroin. I'm just saying than other drugs.

17:48 Adam Than other drugs. It's easy to get addicted to opiates in general. Vicodin is no different than Oxycontin. It's no different than Lortab. These are all the same chemicals.

17:56 Drew I'm not drawing the distinction between those, but they don't give those out as readily as they give out the Vicodin.

18:01 Adam That's true. And the Vicodin makes people feel good and it has a propensity to cause euphoria. But the profound euphoria, as it turns out, really only in people that are wired as addicts are wired. They have a density of something called the mu receptor in their brain as opposed to the epsilon that I've got.

18:15 Drew They don't need to be the profound euphoria. They just seem to enjoy it.

18:19 Adam Yeah, they enjoy it, but that sense of needing more, wanting more, missing it, feeling that intense loss is actually mediated by part of the brain called the anterior cingulate, which is where your nurturance occurs, where you actually feel nurturance from your mother. And if people haven't been traumatized or abandoned or neglected, that part of the brain will be suboptimally developed and for the first time when people take something like Vicodin, they will feel nurtured, they will feel loved, literally. And when that's taken away, it is a very profoundly empty feeling. And that is a setup for addiction. If they also then have the gene, it's game on at that point.

18:52 Drew Right. But my argument is that people that have not led a life of addiction become addicted to this, your argument is then they're addicts, maybe technically they're addicts because they become addicted to something, but they've seen all the other drugs, or many of the other drugs, lived long lives and not had anything take, all of a sudden they've grabbed hold of them, therefore it's more easily more powerful, more easily addicted.

19:25 Adam It is a threshold disease, until you can't stop, you're still in sort of incipient phases, then when you can't stop, there are signs like loving it, like being driven to use it again, like feeling the emptiness, like switching over to other things, and by the way, like our caller, which started this whole thing, he couldn't stop, and that defines addiction, you can't stop in the spite of consequences.

19:44 Drew I wasn't arguing that he wasn't an addict. Now I'm bored. Mina? Hey. You're 20? What's up?

19:53 Caller I've been dating my girlfriend for about four years coming up in August, and in the beginning of the relationship we had like sex everywhere, you know, anytime, and lately it's been pretty much this whole year. I mean, I still get some, obviously, but I don't really get it that much, and she's always like, oh, I'm too tired, or I'm just not horny, I'm not a horny person, and every time I bring it up to her she's like, well, go find someone else who...

20:18 Adam You know, Mina, one of the secrets about lesbian relationships that I've often heard about is that it's very, very common for lesbian couples to stop having sex after about six months. Very common, yeah.

20:31 Drew Not for the dude in the relationship. And that's you.

20:35 Caller No, no. In that way, like, I'm more like, you know, I kind of control that. Like, I make the first move and all.

20:42 Adam But it's just like... And then the fact that she's a lesbian sort of triggers our spidey sense about there possibly being some abuse and stuff. And so her whole feeling about being sexual is going to be all... Yeah, that's even worse. That definitely means abuse.

20:59 Drew Okay, hold on a second. Here's an interesting question. If somebody's just sort of lesbian from the womb and not created by some weird uncle that touched him in the pool house, and that's not a euphemism for vagina. That's actual... The place behind the pool. If some weird uncle touched them and made them, then they're confused, they're effed up, they're hypersexual, then they become dormant, then they hook up with someone, and then all bets are off. If they just came out of the womb lesbian, maybe they just have a regular libido as if they were heterosexual.

21:34 Adam Right. Oh, you're saying maybe that's where the thing dies out.

21:37 Drew No, I'm saying the one that dies out may have been the one with the uncle. And the one that was born a lesbian just has a normal sexual libido regardless of what her proclivity is. Mina?

21:50 Caller Yeah.

21:51 Drew Alright, so did she have some abuse?

21:53 Caller No, I mean, not that I know of. I mean, she... No, I don't think she has. Neither have I. It's just like we can have sex but then she's not horny.

22:05 Adam She keeps repeating this over and over again. I think you might want to ask your girlfriend what her upbringing was like.

22:11 Caller What her what?

22:12 Adam Upringing was like. I think you'll find an awful lot of chaos there.

22:16 Caller I don't know. Hopefully something gets fixed. Yeah. Alright.

22:21 Drew Hey, Mina. We're not helping you at all.

22:25 Caller Well, I just wanted to know what should I do?

22:28 Drew Because I mean, I'm well, there's nothing.

22:30 Caller There's nothing.

22:31 Drew You ain't into it. You guys have been together for four years. What's wrong with you? You're bisexual. That's got to mean something.

22:37 Caller I've never been with a guy all the way, though. But I know maybe that's what I need to do. I don't know.

22:41 Drew Why do you call yourself bisexual?

22:43 Caller Because I still like guys. I mean, I know in the relationship that I'm in right now, the lesbian relationship. But I mean, there's no I don't know if I'm going to want to be with her for the rest of my life because I could want to be with a guy.

22:54 Drew Well, first off, isn't it weird just being in a relationship and, you know, sort of making the proclamation that you're also into another gender? I mean, you know, you got a four year long relationship. You've never actually even had sex with a guy, but you keep announcing that you're bisexual.

23:08 Adam Holding a sort of damocles over her head. But listen, right? It's like one day this is going to happen.

23:12 Drew No, it's like me talking about my uncle's opal mine in Australia and every other month I'm going, yeah, you know, I think I'm going to be heading out there. I'm heading out there. I'm picking up stakes.

23:23 Adam That's your wife.

23:25 Drew Yeah. Or just no, no, I'm saying like if I'm in a heterosexual relationship, it's like, oh yeah, to your wife. I think I'm heading over there to your wife.

23:33 Adam How often do you actually have sex with her?

23:36 Caller Um, we have sex today, but I mean, it's like, Write that down Adam.

23:39 Adam Got that? That's how often today.

23:41 Drew Alright, so that's every day.

23:43 Caller The receiver. That's if we do, I'm always the giver.

23:47 Drew You don't receive at all?

23:49 Caller I mean, it's rare. She's always like I'm too tired or I mean, I mean, I admit I do. You do get kind of like somewhat off doing it to someone else or whatever, but it's just Adam.

24:01 Drew Maybe she should loosen the strap up on the No, no, this is this or OK. Geez, I'm confused. Sometimes the belt needs to be adjusted. How it's like it's like a diving mask, you know, when it gets you put like your cousin's head and then they put it on your rips off. Yeah, doesn't fit right.

24:17 Adam How often do you do actually have sex?

24:20 Caller Um, I can say maybe twice a month if I'm lucky.

24:24 Adam And how often is she giving to you?

24:26 Caller Um, maybe one time every three months or something.

24:34 Drew She shut down. You guys have been together for four years. That's enough. You've been together since you're 16. That's enough. If they were heterosexual, you'd be telling them, are you kidding me? This is done. You've been together since the 10th grade. Now you're, you know, two years into college. Let's go. Go your separate ways. Fine. Break it off. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

24:53 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

24:58 Caller As many as one in three Americans with HIV don't know it. To find a testing location near you, call toll-free 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

25:24 Drew Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Carly is on the phone. She's 18. She lost her virginity to a random guy. Lost Profit's going to be in here tomorrow night, by the way, and then Thursday night, Steve O and Chris Pontius are going to be here, though Drew won't be here because he's decided this is Wednesday.

25:46 Hey, Drew, why is it that when you rub your balls while you're jerking off, that it feels so much better?

25:52 Adam Steve O.

25:53 Drew Steve O.

25:54 Adam The intellectual Harry edition.

25:57 Drew He's nice. He's a rack on tour. Crank Yanker's on tonight. There's about 40 seconds left in the show.

26:06 Adam I heard they put the CD out with the DVD out with the one we did.

26:11 Drew Oh, they did? Now we got to take a look at that. All right.

26:15 Adam Dr. Drew in the hissy.

26:19 Drew Carly?

26:20 Caller Yes.

26:21 Drew You're 18?

26:22 Caller Yes, I am.

26:22 Drew What's up?

26:24 Caller About a week and a half ago, I had sex with a random boy. I just realized tonight I have a blister-like thing on my vagina, and I was wondering what it is.

26:36 Drew Either I'm in love or there's wind chimes in the background. Oh. Please tell me you heard that, otherwise I'm in love.

26:42 Caller It's really windy out here, sorry. So yeah.

26:48 Adam Well, stop talking Corolla, hold on a second. Let's hear those wind chimes.

26:52 Caller I don't have the wind chimes. Wow.

26:57 Adam It sounds like Mr. Wizard is out there.

27:01 Drew Why don't you head back? Are you smoking?

27:04 Caller Yeah. You want me to go inside?

27:06 Drew Yeah. Well, you can finish your butt.

27:10 Caller I'll go inside right now.

27:11 Drew Head inside if it's windy. Okay. So you lost your virginity a week ago and now you have a blister on your vagina?

27:18 Caller Yeah.

27:19 Adam Blisters are herpes if they burn.

27:21 Caller It doesn't burn.

27:24 Adam It might yet open up ulcerate when it does start hurting.

27:27 Drew Well, did you guys... Who is the guy?

27:31 Caller I met him at my work. I kind of knew of him. He works at a local tattoo parlor.

27:40 Drew Sure.

28:05 Adam Oh, my God.

28:06 Drew What kind of piercings?

28:07 Caller I have 14 different piercings.

28:09 Drew Yeesh. You're 18.

28:11 Caller Yeah. Well, most of them are on my ears. I have my nipples done and stuff like that.

28:19 Drew And your virgin with pierced nipples. With pierced nipples?

28:25 Caller Yes.

28:27 Drew I just mean it puts you in very rarefied air.

28:30 Adam Do you have pierced tongue?

28:32 Drew No. No. All right. So maybe you have herpes. You didn't use protection, right?

28:40 Caller No, we did not.

28:42 Drew What are you worried about getting pregnant?

28:44 Caller I actually went to Planned Parenthood a couple of days after since he did not pull out. And I also had another question. I took it. You know how you're supposed to take it 73 hours later? I took it about 78 hours later.

28:59 Adam Yeah, it's not obviously as effective as if you take it within the 72-hour window that it's designed for.

29:04 Drew She gives an hour buffer.

29:06 Adam But it has been shown to show some effect up to five days, believe it or not.

29:10 Drew Drew, wait a minute. Let me do the math. Every day is 24 hours and 33 minutes long, right?

29:17 Adam Of course.

29:18 Drew Times three days. 73.

29:20 Adam But Carly, get back to Planned Parenthood. You really want to go now while there's a lesion there because herpes is primarily a diagnosis made by inspection or clinical appearance. And so get somebody to look at that thing and see if that's what they think it is.

29:34 Drew But, you know, good time. And by the way, let me, it's been a while. Was he told to pull out or is that an unspoken? He was. He was told.

29:45 Caller Yeah.

29:45 Adam Wouldn't that be a rape at that point?

29:46 Drew He was told before.

29:48 Caller During.

29:50 Drew He was told during.

29:51 Caller Yes.

29:51 Drew Oh, to pull out.

29:52 Adam He was all clapped.

29:53 Drew And he never did. And he didn't even. You know, sometimes you make that sort of feeble attempt to pull out where it's really nothing but, you know, the caboose comes out of the train tunnel. You know what I mean? The engine and the dining car.

30:11 Caller It's all going through.

30:12 Drew It's all going through. And then at the very end, you pull out and there's just the caboose of the Jizz train comes out the tunnel. So that's what I call poor form, you know, because they had a verbal agreement.

30:28 Caller Absolutely.

30:28 Drew You know, a verbal contract.

30:30 Caller I think it's this.

30:31 Drew Will you pull out? Yeah. Well, also, by the way, I know the guy's in Nimrod and he's working at a piercing place and stuff, but what's your plan? Like, yes, hey, she gets pregnant. She says her parents found out. There's no way they're going for the abortion. You just got a kid. Now you're 21.

30:53 Adam You just got a kid floating around like that crazy f'ed up thinking that people have. It's like no consequence. Yeah.

31:00 Drew Yeah.

31:01 Adam It's whatever.

31:03 Drew Kaleeb.

31:04 Adam Caleb.

31:05 Drew Caleb.

31:07 Caller You guys have totally messed me up over the past few years because I realized that you're gay. The crazier the girls are, the better they are in bed, the more drama they've had in the past.

31:20 Drew Yeah. That's true.

31:21 Adam And the more drama they'll produce for you in the present.

31:24 Caller Right. But they're the best in bed, so.

31:29 Drew Once in a while, you can find yourself just a good straight gal who doesn't have a whole bunch of baggage, who just sort of got a little guy in her, who likes to get it on.

31:40 Caller Well, that's my problem. I just moved out to Los Angeles from upstate New York, and I need to know how to meet these West Coast chicks.

31:47 Drew What's your advice, Adam? Well, you can't sound so gay.

31:53 Caller No.

31:55 Drew What did you come out here for, to act?

31:59 Caller No, just for fun, got a job.

32:01 Drew He's gay. True, please. Getting people coffee. So you just uprooted and moved out here? You're PA or you work at a coffee shop?

32:18 Caller No, I'm a PA but one of the wonderful duties is getting coffee.

32:22 Drew Oh, I see. You work in the movie industry. Right. And what are you working on?

32:30 I don't know if I'm at Liberty.

32:35 Drew He didn't want to say.

32:36 Adam That's fine.

32:37 Drew Listen, everybody, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to tell me. I'm going to hang up immediately. And I know people get into that like, well, I really don't want to say how much I work. Here's the deal. If I ask, that means I want to know. If you don't want to say, that's your prerogative. I now will hang up before you get into not saying what it is.

32:54 Adam I think you would give people a beat if they said, No, Adam, please don't make me tell you.

32:57 Drew You'd give them that beat. Maybe.

32:58 Adam But that's it.

32:59 Drew Maybe. Nothing in it for me and Caleb, though. And by the way, L.A.'s crowd enough and packed full of a-holes. We don't need any more troublemakers out here. We got jackasses coming from all directions. And here's my thing. You know what I want to treat LA like? I want to treat it like a club. You know the big black bald guy in the front who's wearing the black blazers, got the clicker? Got the clicker. Because the fire marshal's going to come by. Right, right.

33:24 Caller Click, click, click, click, click.

33:25 Drew Then you start coming in. Ho, ho, ho. Where are you going? Yeah. Hey, where are you going? I'm going in the club. Yeah. Maximum capacity for this club is, well, we're at it. So here's what we're going to have to do. Hold up. We got to wait till somebody leaves. Now if you're a guy like Caleb and you're living in upstate New York, you want to come over here? You got to find another 23-year-old a-hole to go to upstate New York. Well, you could kill him, or I would recommend just sending him to upstate New York. It's sort of a prisoner exchange program. Perfect. You got to get out of here. We got to make room in a club. Fire marshal's got to close the place down. And by the way, the city is no different than any other space, if you really think about it. It's like, look, this thing was built to hold this many people, and we got this many. There's trouble. Let's look at those prisons. They build those prisons. Oh, they hold them to hold 2,500 inmates. Oh, it seems huge. The problem is we got 4,000, and they're all on top of each other now. And now there's trouble. They're fine.

34:23 Adam Of course. Of course.

34:24 Drew Yeah. All right. That's all I want LA to be. Really, just every A-hole from every part of the country is to just come here, nail our chicks, and sit on our beaches and clog our freeways. Our women.

34:38 Adam I think the freeway is really the problem.

34:39 Drew Rape our women and rape our diamond line.

34:41 Adam Yeah. Rape your left-turn lanes.

34:44 Drew But look, why can't we, I know it's a political thing, but when one city becomes more crowded than other cities, and has all the troubles with the infrastructure and things like that, can we sort of say, look, we're going to have to give some incentives to...

35:01 Adam How about giving people some sort of entrance fee to move here?

35:06 Drew Or at least an exam or something.

35:08 Adam To support the infrastructure.

35:09 Drew Yeah, here's the deal. If this was an apartment, we don't need any more of your stoner friends flopping on our futon. This is what LA is, and because of the weather, it's like, people come down here with 50 cents in their pocket driving a moped thinking, I'll just crash out of my buddies for a few weeks and I'll catch on somewhere, and then next thing you know, I'm behind the A-hole on the freeway. All right, let's work this out, Drew. Too many people in the club. Where's my big bald black guy with the clicker?

35:36 Adam With you.

35:36 Drew That clicker thing.

35:37 Adam With you.

35:38 Drew And by the way, if I was doing a clicker thing in front of some club, how long would it take for me to screw that up?

35:43 Adam Three, three people.

35:44 Drew Three people. They're like, hold on, wait a minute. I, it says three.

35:47 Adam Which one did I push?

35:48 Drew 3,333 people. I can't, there's only, there's only three people in there. I have to recalibrate this thing. Sarah? Yeah. The umpires use something like that for balls and strikes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But it's always like, hey, listen, Pops, you can't keep track of this. The guy in center field 350 feet away knows what the count is. You figure it out, can't you? It's not, it's not that fast a game. It's oftentimes like 20 minutes in between pitches. One ball, one strike. Ah, it's confusing. Now there's two balls.

36:18 Adam I don't know what I'm doing. You can point at it and go, see, yeah, that's what it says.

36:21 Drew People let you know if you screw it up. There'll be enough people.

36:24 Adam That's true.

36:24 Drew Sarah? You're 24?

36:31 Caller So, I have hemorrhoids and I'm having them treated with infrared coagulation or something like that.

36:42 Drew Yeah, why? No. No.

36:45 Caller Because I can't have bowel movements. It's ridiculous how long, well, not that I always sit on the pot long, but nothing comes out and I am like gaining weight because I eat food, like breakfast, lunch, dinner, not excessively or anything.

37:03 Drew Hold on. Hold on. What were those meals again?

37:05 Caller Breakfast, lunch, dinner.

37:08 Drew In that order?

37:09 Caller Generally.

37:11 Drew Who's doing that? And from some crazy country, you eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and you don't have a bowel movement.

37:21 Caller Well, no. I go, but I don't go enough. I don't think that I go regularly and not definitely not healthy. Like I'm not not enough is coming out for what is going in.

37:36 Drew How many? Well, first off, do you weigh it? Go in each direction?

37:40 Caller No, but I know I can I can feel it.

37:48 Drew Anderson hates Duke talk, but I love it. And so does Drew. And how often do you have a bowel movement?

37:55 Caller A good one.

37:56 Drew Like, well, give me anything above a five.

38:00 Caller God, maybe every three days.

38:05 Drew What's that?

38:05 Adam How often? Forget the good one. How often you have bowel movement?

38:10 Caller Um, not a trick question, but hopefully, hopefully.

38:15 Adam Hopefully, Sarah is a mess.

38:17 Drew Oh, my God.

38:18 Caller We'll get back to Sarah.

38:20 Drew Here's the first half. How many goddamn minutes do I have to spend trying to figure out how often she has a bowel movement? It's like, I have a bowel movement.

38:27 Caller Well, a good one.

38:29 Drew I mean, there's fourth of July and then there's just, you know, Monday, some time in August. You know what I'm saying? You want you to be in a good way, colossal, because I've had some doozies in my day. No, just, just a bowel movement. How often? I'll tell you how often I like to have a bowel movement.

38:48 Adam Yeah.

38:48 Yeah.

38:48 Drew And by the way, the, the answer of like whether it's how often you have a bowel movement or how often you have in your wife or how when's the last time you got a raise shouldn't be met with what you would like it to be.

39:01 Adam It shouldn't also be what depends what you mean. Let me think about it. It's just like, what is it?

39:05 Right.

39:06 Drew And, and by the way, nobody spends more time thinking about their anus than Sarah. You should have these kinds of numbers at the tip of your tongue. Now, Drew's thinking what I'm thinking, which is there's problems down here, but there's also some obsession going on in that area.

39:20 Adam There's also disorganization and fragmentation. That's why she can't answer simple questions. Right. Because she sounds like a stalker, Drew.

39:28 Drew Oh, I forgot about Drew's stalker. Let's take ourselves a little break. I'm going to come back with Sarah because I'm intrigued. I like a woman with an unsure bow, you know? Mm-hmm. Possibly irritable.

39:42 Adam And hemorrhoids.

39:42 Drew And hemorrhoids. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Guess how many terrific sense acts deodorant body spray comes in?

40:01 Adam I've got six.

40:02 Drew No, it's more.

40:03 Adam Eight.

40:04 Drew No, more.

40:05 Adam Nine.

40:05 Drew No, seven. I think I screwed that up. Anyway, seven's enough, right?

40:09 Adam Seven's great.

40:10 Drew Yeah.

40:22 Hey, buddy, it's Loveline.

40:27 Drew This is my song. Ladies hear this song when I'm heading into the bar, walking in slow motion, boots, moving, looking like John Travolta and Saturday Night Fever, you know?

40:41 Adam That's the image you have in your head.

40:43 Drew Slicker, yeah.

40:44 Adam In your mind.

40:44 Drew It's a slicker look than that. I agree. But as I look down, I look over my sunglasses, hot chick, bartender gives me one of these, you know, gives me the fist, you know. She knows what I'm drinking because I got to drink, you know what I'm saying?

40:57 Caller And I'm moving in slow motion.

40:59 Drew And everyone knows, I mean, guys looking up from the pool table, hot chick, men fear me, women lust after me.

41:06 Adam And the bartender, the guys at the pool table, and the women who lust, see this. That's what What ever happened to them? Remember those two?

41:46 Caller Those two twins?

41:46 Adam Didn't I get in a huge fight with those two twins? Yeah.

41:47 Drew Does that recall?

41:47 Adam Yeah. Anderson is yelling something at me.

41:47 Caller The two twins?

41:47 Adam No. I know. We are talking about the two twins who laughed.

41:48 Drew Who laughed like that.

41:48 Adam It used to be what's his name's girlfriend.

41:48 Caller That was before I was even here.

41:49 Adam Yes.

41:49 Caller Long before you were there.

41:49 Drew That was Nelson.

41:50 Adam The Nelson twins.

41:51 Oh Nelson.

41:52 Drew Nelson twins.

41:54 Adam But it was also, they had a tape of.

41:58 Drew Wait a minute. Was that before you were there Anderson?

42:00 Actually they were on after that. But that's not the girl that laughed. That has nothing to do with it.

42:04 Drew But they are the ones. I know Anderson was there because I was making fun of those girls for dating Nelson when Anderson played the tape. And I thought, no, that engineer Mike would have never done that kind of backstabbing.

42:16 Oh, you're a dick.

42:17 Drew I had to be Anderson.

42:20 Nelson is the one that used to babysit me and they gave me acid when I was like 11 years old.

42:24 Drew Really?

42:24 Yes. Yes.

42:25 Adam That explains a lot.

42:28 Drew How dare you, Drew. How come you never told us about that, Nelson?

42:32 I did.

42:33 Drew Giving you acid?

42:34 They gave me acid when I was 11, yes.

42:36 Adam You never told us that piece.

42:37 It's all over the Internet, so I know I did.

42:40 What about?

42:41 Adam It's all over the Internet.

42:42 That story, because I was asked about it on the street by a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. They were like, you never told me about that. I read about that on the Internet. I'm like, oh, wow, I guess I talked about it.

42:52 Drew Maybe this is Paul's part of the acid trip. Maybe me saying this is part of the acid trip is part of the acid trip.

43:00 It's triggered.

43:02 Drew Yeah. You could be at home right now. I wish I was.

43:05 Adam Charlie Sheen used to date that. I don't remember.

43:07 Drew Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen dated everybody.

43:11 Adam Remember they had tapes of him or something.

43:14 Drew I do remember, but there were two hot twins that were so obnoxious I was going to toss them out. I was yelling at them to get out of the studio. I can't remember why they were so obnoxious. One of them kept yelling at me or interrupting or something. I can't remember why it is we didn't get along very well, but at a certain point I was actually screaming at her to leave and I don't think she ever did. It was uncomfortable. It was good times. And then yes, the following night Nelson came in and then Anderson played the tape of me saying, who are you dating? And she said, I'm going out with Gunnar Nelson or one of the Nelsons and I started laughing going, those two washed up guys, what are you doing wasting your time with them? That's two Barbie twins? Yeah, they're not even doing, what are they doing, working at Arby's or something? And then played the tape. Very uncomfortable by the way when they're sitting in front of you.

44:11 It was something, you're so screwed up, dude.

44:13 Adam Very uncomfortable.

44:13 You're the one who did the ass. No, that's not what happened. No, I didn't do that. I don't remember this couple you're talking about, these twins.

44:19 Adam Is it Mike? Did Mike do it?

44:21 What? Yeah, it must have been Mike.

44:22 Drew It could have been Mike.

44:24 Adam It could have been, because I remember that happening. That's definitely what happened.

44:27 Yeah, it was one nut.

44:28 Adam Or maybe Ann?

44:32 Drew Yeah, it could have been Ann. It always could have been Ann. Alright, that's enough of you. Eugene?

44:38 Adam Yeah, whatever.

44:38 Drew And by the way, Bow, a chick, dropped off in the middle of our Nelson conversation. We never did get to the bottom of her record.

44:47 Adam So to speak.

44:49 Drew Eugene? Yeah. You're 25. Yeah. You masturbate 15 times a week. 10? Alright. Not a big problem. Uh, 10 times a week for a 25 year old?

45:06 Adam One and a half times a day basically. Yeah. Basically.

45:08 Drew It's a little light of that. But then nothing wrong with that. I don't know how he works to half out. I just go ahead and do a hole and then maybe take the next one off. You're right.

45:15 Adam He has a three day air.

45:17 Drew Right. Right. But are you having some irritation? Yeah.

45:22 Caller It looks like I'm getting like a blood burn. You know when a guy gets circumcised and there's all that fleshy tissue right below the head and it's not as smooth as the rest of the shaft but that fleshy tissue. Now all that seems to be getting all reddened and spots and stuff now. It's just not herpes or anything. I've checked into that. But it seems like it always seems to hurt after I masturbate. It starts getting red again and I wonder if I'm squeezing too hard, if I'm not using the right stuff. You know, I don't know what it is.

45:53 Drew By the way, people talking like if they stop moving their mouth, a spike is going to hit them in the ear or something. You know that fleshy skin you have at the end of your hand? I'm not going to stop and talk with it because I use the KY. But I checked into the herpes, and it's like, hold on.

46:19 Adam So he has some irritation.

46:20 Drew He has irritation. He's beating off quite a bit.

46:24 Adam Maybe it checked into the herpes, but that's a very hard thing to diagnose sometimes.

46:28 Drew Here's the thing. Once you give your penis half a day off, I was going to say a day off, but half a day off would be a 50% improvement.

46:36 Adam Don't use whatever lubricants you've been using. Use something else.

46:40 Drew Use something else, and don't use PRL. Try dry. Do not use PRL. Let me tell you something about you dry guys. Smart. The lube guys, you'll be a slave to the lube. You will become a slave to the lube.

46:54 Adam So basically, you get dry, you're good to go anywhere.

46:57 Drew It becomes like you're a smoker, and everything's great, then you've got to get a 14-hour flight to Taipei, and all of a sudden you're going nuts because you've got to have a cigarette in your hand. That's what the lube is. You become a slave to the lube.

47:09 Adam Yeah, it's bad.

47:10 Drew Yeah. You've got to start bringing it with you. You're going camping. You're going in for a long office meeting or something, you know, you've got a long day, finals at school, whatever. You've got to bring the lube. You've got to bring the lube. All right, we're going to take a quick break. Chris knows what I'm talking about.

47:26 Adam Bring the lube, Chris.

47:27 Drew Sure. But he has lube hidden between his car and the studio in case he has to stop. Yeah. It's only 200 feet, but he's actually stashed lube. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:39 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal.

47:41 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:42 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:44 Drew Call the Dateline.

47:45 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:46 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:47 Caller 1-877-889-DATE.

48:36 Drew Hey, yo, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Lost Profits in tomorrow night. And then Steve Ho and Chris Pontius will be in here on Thursday night. All right, Drew, let's go to the phones and speak to Holly, who's 21. Holly? What's doing?

49:04 Caller I had an abortion about three years ago when I first barely turned 18. I had kind of a few complications and basically what my question is is...

49:16 Adam What were the complications?

49:18 Caller Okay, what happened was they told me all this stuff not to do, no heavy activity. I went, I had it done, two days later I went to San Diego to visit a friend and I was totally fine. There was no bleeding, anything. And then they didn't tell me that I shouldn't be drinking, right? It was New Year's Eve and I had like one beer and the next day it was like major bleeding, okay? And my friend had just had a baby so she was really freaking out cause there was like big, huge blood clots. So I called...

49:54 Adam That wasn't the alcohol.

49:54 Drew That wasn't drinking the beer.

49:55 Adam Not a beer, you had a bottle of tequila, maybe.

49:58 Caller Yeah, no, I didn't even have the, I don't even think I drank a whole beer.

50:03 Drew It wasn't... All right.

50:04 Adam That's nothing to do with it.

50:05 Drew By the way, listen, everybody, please, please, all that stuff, you know, half a beer, you know, don't worry about it.

50:13 Adam Exactly.

50:14 Drew I mean, all the guys who can't get a boner because they smoke cigarettes and they're 19, it's not that.

50:19 Adam No, that's right.

50:20 Drew It's just not. And all that stuff is bad for you and it all takes its toll. It's all that stuff. And we, as a society, we keep doing it.

50:29 Adam You will get there.

50:30 Drew When you're 51, you will have a problem with it.

50:33 Adam That's right.

50:34 Drew You're half a beer now. I just thought of something.

50:36 Adam I want to bring up this alternative topic here for one quick second. Bill O'Reilly, tonight, was talking about Angelina Jolie and her United Nations thing. And he goes, you know, I tried to get on the show to explain to me what she does.

50:50 Drew With the United Nations?

50:51 Adam Yeah, she won't do it.

50:52 Drew She looks for landmines.

50:53 Adam And now that, what, he said, what can I do to help you in your job?

50:56 Drew Right.

50:57 Adam Won't do it.

50:57 Drew Won't come on the show.

50:58 Adam Because. Why? She doesn't do anything.

51:02 Drew Oh, Drew. She just, she just, What does this have to do with an abortion?

51:04 Adam I just want to bring this topic up. Do you remember when we had the model for Planned Parenthood who testified in front of Congress?

51:10 Drew Yes.

51:11 Adam And she couldn't tell us anything about Planned Parenthood?

51:13 Drew No. And she actually got angry when I suggested maybe she should know something about whatever the topic she was talking about.

51:19 Adam The people are beginning to see through this business of using a celebrity veil. Or a shroud to sort of use them as some sort of marketing ploy when they actually won't do anything.

51:29 Drew Yeah.

51:30 Adam It's so crazy.

51:31 Drew Yeah. She's hot.

51:33 Adam That's all I need to know.

51:34 Drew I'm into her. All right.

51:35 Adam Really? Are you really?

51:37 Drew Well, yeah. Yeah. It takes a big man to admit he wants to F Angelina Jolie, but count me amongst those men. Big old puffy lips. The only thing I don't like about her is she's got that big mouth. And you know.

51:52 Adam With the little, yeah, it might make it look a little smaller.

51:54 Drew Like I'm ringing a dinner bell, you know, the triangle. Yeah. I don't want to, I don't want to like, I don't want the oral to look like I'm playing a triangle. Do you know what I'm saying?

52:02 Adam I hear you.

52:03 Drew I want that little, uh, burn it at Peter's mouth. You know, it's like I use a shoe horn to get it around my skinny penis.

52:08 Caller Yeah.

52:09 Drew Yeah.

52:09 Adam That'd be good.

52:11 Caller Back to phones.

52:11 Adam All right. So Holly, so far, nothing you've said has anything to do with it. You're not even saying you had a complication. You just had some post-op bleeding.

52:22 Caller I called the place and they just basically told me to come in, but it stopped the next day.

52:30 Adam And so you didn't come in?

52:32 Caller Yeah. And then they had told me to go to the local place in San Diego.

52:39 Adam Holly, you're fine. So there was no other problems besides the bleeding, right? So there you go. No problem.

52:45 Caller Okay.

52:45 Adam Is that it?

52:47 Drew That's it. Well, she did. She drank half that Heineken three years ago, Drew.

52:51 Adam Heesh.

52:53 Drew I always like the idea of the self-destruct in the spaceships.

52:57 Adam Yeah.

52:57 Drew And I always like the idea of there's no putting them back.

53:00 Adam Yeah. It's always. Yeah. That's the one thing.

53:01 Drew They activated the sequence.

53:03 Adam Yeah.

53:04 Drew Can't put that back.

53:05 Adam That is the one thing you'd want to have your reversible.

53:07 Drew Seems like some crew member went wacko on you and just went over and threw a few toggle switches. You'd want to go over ships worth several billion dollars. Seems like you want to be able to go and reverse that project. I was like the verbal countdown too. And it's the hot chick who does it. One hour and it's not some guy or it's not some computers. How about just just a countdown? We need the guy talking. We need the hot sort of English chick. Chick explained to us how 30 seconds left. It makes for good movies, but I just I got to believe if I'm building a craft that's worth billions of dollars, I'm going to have a little override for the self-destruct in case something happens and it gets tripped.

53:52 Adam That's the ship talking to you. See, that's her.

53:54 Drew The ship. Oh, the ship. It's she. Oh, I see. Very symbolic. Let me say something else.

53:59 This conversation can serve no purpose anymore.

54:03 Drew The other thing I got a little less speaking of goodbye. Phones. You know, the phones, you start down, there's different area code for every number now. Everybody you know, a guy could live next door to you. He has a different area code than you have out here in Los Angeles. Again, too many a-holes pouring into this part of the country. This is just another one of those many inconveniences we have to do. You people who are listening in South Dakota, you don't have to deal with the prefix all the time.

54:35 Adam The state has a prefix.

54:36 Drew Yeah. What you don't realize is if you got to memorize someone's number, it's not seven-digit number, it's a nine-digit and ten-digit number that you got to memorize, and it gets a little confusing, and there's more and more and more of them. But anyway, I find myself, and then everyone's fax numbers right above their whatever number. So when I'm dialing someone's number, it's like, and then you get the ones we're trying to spell stuff out, and this is how I know I'm a retard. It's like 1-800 big jugs, and so it's like 1-800. Okay. Two. Okay. Then that thing comes in. You spent too much time, and I realize I've been getting burned a lot on that lately. I'm doing a lot of starting to dial someone's number and then looking at the other thing, and then looking back and it goes off. It's like, now you spent, it doesn't tell you at the time. It should tell you at the time.

55:29 Adam That's where the English chick's voice is.

55:30 Drew She should jump in and go, I'm still looking for the I in big, that's what I mean. No, you know what you got to do? You do the whole dialing, then he holds up to your ear like a retard, then it tells you. You spent, you took too much time dialing the phone. And I think to myself, yeah, they give you about, it must be about three or four seconds, maybe it's five seconds. Let's give us 10. What's going on? I can't look at the phone for a second. I'm going to take a look, a little contemplation before I continue dialing the numbers. I don't know. I've been burned by this like 20 times the last two days. Oh, you know, yeah. What it is, is I keep trying to dial. I look for numbers on my cell phone to dial on my home phone, and I'm holding it up, and I'm trying to get it in the light, and I'm dialing it, and whatever. And I always run out of time, but it doesn't tell you till you're done. Am I the only one that this happens to?

56:17 Adam Oh, no, no.

56:19 Drew Give us a couple seconds. I don't know what it is. I think it must be about five seconds, maybe four.

56:24 Adam Four, yeah.

56:24 Drew Four, give us a little more, give us a little more. And here's the other one, too. When the phone rings and we do get the disconnected number and we got that guy telling us we dialed the wrong number, don't give us the crazy facts chime in the ear before the thing. Don't punish us.

56:39 Adam We had some guy call in once and tell us what that was about, why they had to put that in.

56:42 Drew He gave us some half-assed answer about otherwise people would be able to do something.

56:48 Adam I thought it was some electronic issue.

56:49 Drew It was, it was, but some people could get away with something somehow. All I'm saying is, is you got the guy in LA, it's a brother, by the way. It's a Drew, you know the guy I'm talking about? He's definitely black.

57:00 Adam Yeah, I've talked to him many times.

57:02 Drew Yeah, I talked to him like twice a week. He's a black guy. I, I, I like to talk to this guy. He's a local celebrity. He's keeping it real. The point is, is I don't need the crazy ear piercing sound and the voice. I just need the voice. Yeah, I don't need that. I just need the guy going, and by the way, if he's telling me off dial the wrong number, I'll take his word for it. I'm going to start arguing with him.

57:26 Adam Then they also have a repetitive, crazy, busy signal sound. It's not busy signal, it's not that benign one.

57:31 Drew Yeah.

57:32 Adam It's that aggressive one.

57:33 Drew Right. Oh my God. I got a fax machine the other day. I was almost going to kill myself. I was, I had post-traumatic stress disorder the entire goddamn day. I'm just saying, do I have to be punished when we pick up the phone? Do we need that crazy? Like this is what you do if you, why don't you just get one of those boat air horns and just do it into us?

57:58 Adam Yeah.

57:59 Drew All right. And please, anyone listening that has to do with these phones, give us more than just a heartbeat to dial the phone before you go south. I find myself to dial. I start dialing and I look at it for a minute and I go, huh. And then I dial and then it's done. I got dial again. Or tell us when we do it. The second you've gone, hey, if you've gone used to much time, that's the time we need to know. Drew's with me. Chris, you with me? You have no idea what I'm talking about.

58:26 Adam Chris still thinking about that lube prob. He's trying to decide what to do next.

58:29 Drew Chris has said, told me during the break, he's moving up to a good multi-grade.

58:34 Adam Really? Some synthetic?

58:36 Drew A synthetic multi-grade like a 2050. Chris engineer Chris.

58:41 Adam Chris can't look you in the eye when you're talking about this.

58:43 Drew Well, he beats, yeah, he uses.

58:44 Adam He has trouble looking at you.

58:45 Drew Chris says he uses a good synthetic. He'll go with a good 30 weight during the summer or during the winter months. You know what I mean? When it's a little colder, it becomes a little more viscous. During the driving season or the jacking season, as he calls it, he'll go dry just in like May and then he'll step into a good multi-grade like a 2050. We're here. And like I said, he's looking at synthetics. He's also he's looking for a sponsor to step up. And he's even thinking about additives. Andrew?

59:21 Guest Yeah.

59:22 Drew You're 16?

59:23 Guest Yeah. I had a question. I heard somewhere from a friend that you guys have like said something about vitamin that you can take to like help straighten out your penis.

59:37 Adam Yeah. If you've got a little curvature, well Peyronie's type syndrome, which is a scarring on one side or the other or top or bottom that pulls the penis in that direction.

59:44 Drew Which way is yours go?

59:46 Guest To the right.

59:47 Adam You can take about 800 units of vitamin E a day. That's thought to be helpful at least.

59:52 Vitamin E?

59:53 Adam 800 units. Yeah.

59:55 Well, it kind of twists. It doesn't really curve.

59:58 Adam Twist.

1:00:00 Drew Like a corkscrew.

1:00:02 Adam What do you mean twist? Is that what you mean?

1:00:07 Guest What?

1:00:08 Adam What do you mean?

1:00:08 Drew Yeah, it means twist.

1:00:10 Adam But you mean it's straight and it's just like a candy cane?

1:00:12 Guest A little bit, yeah.

1:00:15 Adam Or it twists like a pig's tail.

1:00:16 Guest Not extremely.

1:00:18 Drew Well, the head of the penis.

1:00:20 Caller This is going to be a little bit cockeyed.

1:00:22 Guest Yeah.

1:00:23 Caller Yeah.

1:00:24 Drew If it was... Well, you got both words in there, really, because I'm picturing looking at it, you know, in close.

1:00:30 Adam It's cockeyed.

1:00:31 Drew If you... If it was a... Let's just say it was a clock. I'm going to try this one. Let's just say it was a clock.

1:00:39 Adam And the face of the clock is you looking down the face of the...

1:00:42 Drew Yeah. Well, let's just say most penises that went straight out just... It was just 12 noon. Yes? Yeah. What time would it be on your penis?

1:00:52 Guest Probably the 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock.

1:00:56 Drew 2 or 3.

1:00:56 Adam The urethra's twisted.

1:00:57 Drew So, that means it would twist to the left. Well, 3 o'clock would be a quarter turn.

1:01:06 Adam Yeah? But there's no directionality.

1:01:09 Drew No. It's like somebody grabbed it and started twisting it.

1:01:13 Adam Basically, yeah. We have good times.

1:01:15 Drew All right. How's the urine stream treating you?

1:01:22 Adam That's everybody.

1:01:25 Drew All right. Do you have a gal. I can see with that person now. All right. Let's speak to Joe. I've never heard the twisted penis in my life.

1:01:43 Adam It's an interesting one.

1:01:45 Drew Joe.

1:01:46 Guest Hello.

1:01:47 Drew You're 17.

1:01:48 Guest Yeah.

1:01:48 Drew What's up, Joe?

1:01:50 Caller Well, the thing is I'm about six foot seven and 340 pounds. I was wondering, because I've listened to you guys before, and you've been saying stuff about genetic predisposition before.

1:02:03 Drew True, please.

1:02:05 Adam And?

1:02:06 Caller And I was wondering what that could have to do with me, or is that what I have, or is just because I have a weight problem?

1:02:14 Drew Well, look, if you're 17 and you're six foot seven and you're coming close to 350.

1:02:20 Adam That's not your diet.

1:02:21 Drew That's you.

1:02:22 Adam That's you.

1:02:22 Drew That's you.

1:02:23 Adam Yeah. But now what do you want to get to?

1:02:26 Caller Yeah, something like that. Just, you know, not have man boobs.

1:02:28 Adam And what happens when you try to lose weight?

1:02:31 Caller It just doesn't work out. I mean, I went to the gym for about two months before and I didn't notice any difference. I mean, I think I dropped about five pounds and that was it.

1:02:39 Adam No, you have to change your diet. You have to dramatically reduce.

1:02:42 Drew You clip your toenails, you lose five pounds.

1:02:45 Adam I've been doing some interviewing with people that lose dramatic amounts of weight, and I have found something terribly interesting that I didn't expect, which is they each get to a point.

1:02:54 Drew Where they start doing crack?

1:02:55 Adam No, where they get disgusted. They experience disgust at themselves or how they look or the struggles they've had. They just get disgusted. And the point at which they actually experience disgust, they can make change. They go ahead and tolerate the hunger and they really reduce the calories rather substantially. Yeah. And things take care of themselves, but you've got to, you're going to be hungry for a few months.

1:03:16 Drew Well, what about that Dr. Phil? He's got a book. He's a genius that boy.

1:03:21 Caller He's a jackass.

1:03:22 Drew Oh, he only tells you, you've got to stop eating so much. He's exercising.

1:03:27 Caller Well, look at him. He's not real tone either.

1:03:29 Drew So he goes 255, 260. What a, but he's got such a huge brain, you know, you have to have, let me tell you something. When you've got a brain the size of a vase, you have to have a pedestal that's sturdy enough to hold it up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Hey Joe, are your parents big?

1:03:47 Caller No, not really. Oh yeah, well my dad's 6'5, my mom's 5'11, but they're not overweight.

1:03:56 Drew Do you play, you don't play football?

1:03:58 Caller I'm going to next year, yeah.

1:04:00 Drew You'll lose some weight there, but you got to, you know, by the way, you're going to next year. You're 17. You're going to play football? You're, you're, you're 6'7? Never played before?

1:04:10 Caller I played it once in middle school and I just didn't like it that much, but everybody's saying I need to because they have nobody on the team, I guess, so they just take one look at me and everybody's like, hey, you should play.

1:04:20 Adam What do you mean you didn't like it so much? It's hard for me to imagine that.

1:04:23 Caller I played it and it wasn't really fun, but, you know, I need to, you know, I can process that.

1:04:28 Drew Well, football's not really fun. It's just sort of challenging and rewarding and whatever visceral or something. You like it. Well, but it's like, I don't know, effing isn't fun, per se. Well, Drew is a man of exquisite passion, but, well, I don't mean, I don't mean fun, you know, I'm saying like even paintball is not fun. Yes, it is. Yeah, but it's, it's, it's.

1:04:53 Caller It's not fun to get shot, Dr. Drew.

1:04:56 Drew Yeah.

1:04:56 Adam No, even then, it's fun. That's fun. It's an interesting thing. We differ on this. What is fun to you then?

1:05:02 Drew Football is, is intense, but it's sort of rewarding.

1:05:06 Adam It is intense.

1:05:07 Drew But first off, football practice is nothing but running in the hot sun in pads and doing, you know, pushing a sled and dragging a truck.

1:05:15 Adam Although sometimes I found that fun, too, good scrimmages and the tackling drills, get some good stick.

1:05:20 Drew Yeah, once in a while, but 90% of football is just dragging a tire around.

1:05:24 Adam That's him. Yeah. So what, to me, you've named the most fun things I know of.

1:05:30 Drew I did that intentionally.

1:05:31 Adam What is fun for you?

1:05:33 Drew Let's see, what's fun? Well, to me, if it's going to be fun, it can't-there's got to be-there's too much involved with, with like, let's say, football, maybe even effing, maybe even paintball for fun. Like, oh, I would have fun.

1:05:50 Adam If you have to get off your ass, no fun.

1:05:52 Caller That's, but no.

1:05:54 Drew It's not that. It's also, yeah, I mean, you can't-first off, you get injured, you get-there's the possibility of severe injury.

1:06:01 Adam That's part of the fun.

1:06:02 Drew Well, but see, that's part- Part of the thrill. That's what I'm saying. That's why I'm not calling it fun. I'm calling it exciting and adrenaline and, you know, visceral or whatever, and necessary, and more powerful and important than many other things. But it's something I never thought of a football game as fun, even though I really enjoyed it. As a matter of fact, I liked it more than I did anything else, ever did anything else, because it wasn't that fun.

1:06:28 Get on your knees, scum bag!

1:06:30 Adam It's hard for me to differentiate things I enjoy in fun.

1:06:33 Drew Well, that's a good thing, I guess.

1:06:36 Adam What is fun to you, then? What would be fun? Masturbating?

1:06:38 Drew Masturbating? Yeah, I'm going to borrow some of that dirty weight. Let's see. Fun. Okay, fun to me is a bunch of guys, some cards, a fight, some food, the interaction, the conversation, some laughs, that kind of stuff, a big dinner with a bunch of people, I really enjoy some nice wine, that kind of stuff. And then there's fun, there's like, hey, we're going to wakeboarding or water skiing or something. There's that kind of fun. That does involve some movement, some calorie burning, but football was too intense to be fun. Got it. But better. Better than any of that other stuff. Far better. All right. All right. Anyway, Joe. Yeah.

1:07:26 Adam All right. You got to reach out. Either you have to get some sort of structured plan in place, like see a dietician and get some sort of program going. Or you have to get to a point where you find the motivation. And I'm finding through interviewing lots and lots of people about this that disgust, interestingly, is the thing that gets them going. A moment of clarity, a moment where they see themselves as they really are and they go yuck and I like that and they're able to change it then.

1:07:51 Drew Well, Joe, I mean, here's the deal, too. You're going to have to work harder than most people.

1:07:57 Adam For a while.

1:07:58 Drew Yeah. Well, they may even have to make a life out of it.

1:08:02 Adam Go see a dietician.

1:08:03 Drew Thanks, guys. Good times. And let me just say this about this dieting. We get into it from time to time. Some people are fat. Some people aren't. It's pretty much their genetics. Pretty much at 17, it's pretty much their genetics. I mean, you look back and see these kids at age five and they're fat.

1:08:23 Adam But guys like this that sort of have lots of play in the body because he's so huge. You find that when they drop like 80, 90 pounds, particularly around 17, 18, it's sort of the baby fat thing. They can sort of learn to manage their bodies a little differently. He's used to having the kid body. Now he's got the man body that's huge. And he just kept eating the way somebody who was growing from four feet to six foot ten. And he just didn't manage it properly. Now he has a chance to lose it and start managing it properly.

1:08:56 Drew Let me bring up another thing that might be interesting. When he referred to football as not being fun. So it wasn't down with it. Well, I grew up playing football, loving football, and Drew's the same way. He called it not fun. I called it not fun too, but more better than fun for me. More important than fun. He's the kind of guy, but here's the thing. You've got to be able to take some guy yelling at you and you're doing some pushups out in the sun kind of thing if you're going to play football. If Joe is wanting to lose 100 pounds and he can't...

1:09:29 Adam What does that reason to do mean?

1:09:31 Drew No, I'm just saying he doesn't look at these things as a challenge. He looks at them as no fun and therefore he doesn't want to participate in them. It's going to be hard to lose weight if you look at, well, you know, eating a salad, no fun, going to the gym, no fun, running on a treadmill, no fun. Yeah, it's not fun. And if you're only just doing stuff that's not fun or you have difficulty doing stuff that's not fun, you're going to have a hard time losing a hundred pounds. You're going to start getting used to that. Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:10:11 Caller Drew, how much money do guys spend trying to get to get......into the billion?

1:10:16 Adam Cars, everything.

1:10:18 Caller Condos.

1:10:18 Adam Everything.

1:10:19 Caller Hair plugs.

1:10:20 Drew All they need is a Max deodorant body spray.

1:10:35 Adam Hey everybody.

1:10:39 Drew That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. All right. Angel? Uh-oh. That's always trouble. The angels?

1:10:52 Yeah. It's trouble.

1:10:54 Drew You're 21?

1:11:11 Caller Is that what you said?

1:11:13 Drew Business man's lunch.

1:11:14 Caller Come on in. Come for the burger, stay for the puttack. Wow.

1:11:21 Drew Yeah.

1:11:22 Adam Bottomless taco bar?

1:11:24 Caller Yeah.

1:11:26 Drew What's happening, Angel?

1:11:28 Caller Well, before me and my boyfriend have sex, I give him a little oral and that seems to make it go better, but then he pops before I can get any pleasure myself.

1:11:41 Adam What do you mean it makes it go better?

1:11:42 Caller Well, I mean it. It feels better. I can actually feel it. You know what I mean?

1:11:53 Adam You can't feel his penis unless you give him oral sex?

1:11:58 Caller Well, you got to do it a little bit. Otherwise, you can't feel it at all. And then once you get going.

1:12:05 Adam Hold on.

1:12:06 Drew Now, you mean you can't feel it because his erection isn't firm enough?

1:12:11 Caller Yes.

1:12:14 Adam Yeah, but still that's still kind of weird too.

1:12:16 Drew Well, as a man of colossal passion, you cannot understand needing help getting an erection.

1:12:23 Adam At young man's age?

1:12:25 Caller He's 35.

1:12:27 Drew 35. Drew was once 35 and filled with passion and other things that came out of his penis. Now, not so much. But the point is, is, yeah, 30, 35. He'll, he shouldn't need a fluffing before the fold.

1:12:45 Caller Just a little bit, but then...

1:12:48 Drew And then it starts to drop off during the intercourse?

1:12:51 Caller Well, no, he goes so fast, it's hard to keep him going, you know?

1:12:54 Drew Right. But if you don't give him a little fluff before, then he doesn't get fully erect.

1:12:59 Caller Right.

1:13:02 Drew This is sort of getting it from both directions a little bit.

1:13:05 Adam What if he ejaculates once with the fluffing and then re-fluff?

1:13:11 Drew It's tough to re-fluff on the 35-year-old guy. They don't have that, they don't snap back from the fluffing fold.

1:13:17 Caller That's pretty much what he's got to do, though.

1:13:20 Drew Maybe he has to go downy on him and then fluff him.

1:13:25 Adam Maybe he has to do his own thing beforehand.

1:13:30 Drew I don't know. Is this guy, are you guys going okay? I don't trust this guy.

1:13:34 Caller Well, I've only met him, but well, I've been with him for two months.

1:13:39 Adam You like him?

1:13:40 Caller Well, he's okay, but I've...

1:13:42 Adam All right, so maybe this isn't the guy for you.

1:13:44 Caller He's the first guy I've ever done anything with.

1:13:48 Caller He is?

1:13:48 Caller Uh-huh.

1:13:49 Drew Outside of the family?

1:13:51 Caller No. I've never done it with anybody in my family.

1:13:54 Caller Really?

1:13:54 Drew Uh-huh. You know, because I...

1:14:05 Adam Grandpa, let's face it.

1:14:07 Drew So nothing, huh?

1:14:08 Caller I want to say one thing. I was daddy's little girl, but I never was any... Like I wasn't intimate with him or anything.

1:14:20 Adam It may just be that this guy, you sound a little frustrated and resentful with the guy and it's sort of not clicking. It's just... Maybe it's just...

1:14:26 Drew Maybe he's 35 and you're 21.

1:14:29 Adam He's a lot older than you are.

1:14:30 Drew You find a nice 23 year old guy that likes to go at it.

1:14:32 Adam By the way, he should be the one paying attention to this stuff, not you worrying about it. You should be like asking him, hey, can this is what I need? And see what he can do to measure up, you know, meet you.

1:14:43 Drew Also, I wonder, Drew, and you've probably been in this situation, we all have. You know, when you're, you're sort of, you're with that chick, and by the way, he's 35, she's 21, and he's probably not taking her all that seriously. They've only been together for a few months. But you know, when you're not attempting to put your best nut forward sexually, it's just sort of, hey, listen, it's almost...

1:15:06 Adam That's what I think this is.

1:15:07 Drew It's like being with a hooker or something. It's like, I'm not going to go down on you and impress you with, you know, just come on, give me some. I need to get some. I think that's what's going on. And it's not quite the mentality you have with a hooker, but it's like, I don't need to impress. Here's the thing. You're with some supermodel that's really hot, and you're really into it, and you're, oh my God, this woman, oh my, I don't want to screw... You know, if you're in that, I don't want to screw this up mode, that goes into the bathroom, into the bedroom, too. It's not just about opening doors and picking up checks and telling me how beautiful they look. That's, that's some extra effort in the sack. Right. And you show me a guy, new in a relationship, that's not putting forth that effort, let's show you guys not particularly into it.

1:15:45 Adam That's right. Or not available for a relationship the way you should be, one way or the other. Josh?

1:15:53 Drew You're 20?

1:15:55 Guest Yep.

1:15:55 Drew What's up?

1:15:57 Guest I recently had anal sex with my girlfriend, like for the first time, but we've, before that we've been having like regular intercourse. And after that, like a couple of days after that, I got like these bumps. Calling from Bakersfield.

1:16:10 Drew Hello? Yes?

1:16:12 Guest I got like these bumps on the end of my penis and like it burns when I urinate.

1:16:15 Drew No.

1:16:16 Guest And I don't know what it is. I haven't gotten in to get any kind of testing or anything.

1:16:19 Caller Why haven't you?

1:16:21 Guest Because it's just like come up like in the last few days, I've really had time to schedule any appointments or anything.

1:16:29 Adam Adam, Adam, something shows up in your penis at her CMP, are you getting airlifted or you go to the medevac? Medevac.

1:16:34 Drew I go with the Huey Chopper, like man, pull me out of there. Josh, we're going bogus with this call.

1:16:43 Guest Bogus?

1:16:44 Drew Bogus.

1:16:45 Guest Why?

1:16:46 Drew You ain't selling it, brother. It just you got that bogus that toned your voice. It's not working.

1:16:53 Guest My voice?

1:16:56 Drew Now we went from bogus. Now we went to super bogus. You want to go to mega bogus?

1:17:02 Guest Go.

1:17:02 Drew Because we're heading for the bogus round. All right, buddy, we don't believe you. Sorry. It was a nice try, though. All right. Thank you.

1:17:11 Adam All right. I like that. He sort of respectfully bowed out. That's good.

1:17:16 Drew And look, I like that. I like. I like when a guy, he gets tagged out at home plate. It's not that close. But it was close enough. But he's not going to argue.

1:17:27 Adam He's jogging.

1:17:28 Drew He's out. He's jogging to the dugout. You don't have to argue everything. And by the way, I want to say, you know, I rarely take my hat off to our callers.

1:17:37 Adam But I can't wait to hear what you're going to say.

1:17:41 Drew The bogus callers have been copying to it.

1:17:44 Adam Yes. The last couple of many months, many months.

1:17:47 Drew And here's the thing, everybody. This is part of a sort of sacred alliance that we have with you, the bogus caller. And we can't reach out and, you know, become blood brothers with all of you or have you sign some sort of contract. It's an unspoken. It's no attorneys involved. This is just an unspoken agreement that we have that you go ahead and try to make your bogus call. If we bust you, you got a cop to it. Otherwise, it ruins the whole the whole bogus thing. Yeah, it's really it's like a Marco Polo game. We're counting on you keeping your eyes closed.

1:18:24 Adam There's no game when you cheat.

1:18:26 Drew If you keep your eyes open, you never get caught, but you never get part of the game.

1:18:31 Adam No game.

1:18:31 Drew And people really you got to understand that everybody Marco Polo. There you go. That's how it works.

1:18:39 Adam Fish out of water.

1:18:40 Drew Yeah. That's the other thing, too. If you if you get caught, if you're out of the pool with the fish out of water, you can't just jump right in and be quiet about it. All right. All right. So that's fine. And you guys, for the most part, will honor that. But if you're going to call us and say, look, you got a rusty piece of rebar sticking in one ear and coming out the other and you say, no, I'm serious. And we keep saying this is bogus. You go, no, absolutely. You know, the rebar was covered with AIDS. We got to take it seriously.

1:19:07 Adam Yeah. And it screws everything up if it's that's right.

1:19:11 Drew That's right. April.

1:19:13 Yeah.

1:19:14 Drew Bogus.

1:19:16 Adam What's up?

1:19:17 Hi.

1:19:18 Adam Yeah.

1:19:20 Well, I have a problem. I've always had one dress that is larger than the other one. And like...

1:19:28 Adam This is Bogus.

1:19:30 Drew Yeah. What are the sizes?

1:19:33 Well, it started off like one would always be like just like a 32B and the other one would be just like a 36.

1:19:42 Drew Wait a minute. Wait a minute. It's really the cup that should be different.

1:19:47 Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, I guess the way you would measure it, the cups were the same size, I guess, because the cup is the width around. But what basically what it is is that one is just a lot like more full than the other. And it used to like not be much of a difference at all. But just recently, like one, one breast, my right breast has just got so much bigger than the other one, like bigger than the other one.

1:20:17 Adam Have you gained some weight?

1:20:19 No, I haven't really gained much weight at all.

1:20:22 Adam What what are you on the birth control pill?

1:20:27 Drew What size? OK, it's like one a D cup and the other a B cup.

1:20:32 One is one is like almost a D cup and the other is about a B, yeah.

1:20:37 Drew OK, just say yes. I'm putting on a hole because things are screwed up and by the way, when you go to a plastic surgeon in your B cup, they make you a C cup. They don't make you 36.

1:20:48 Adam That's right.

1:20:48 Drew They never involve that number.

1:20:50 Adam And I like the way you say what is it? One is like a D cup and one is a B cup. No, one is like a B and the other is like a D. No, no, the answer is no.

1:20:59 Drew All right, so you got what we call asymmetry, yes Drew?

1:21:04 Adam BD syndrome.

1:21:05 Drew BD syndrome and a lot of people, a lot of women have this or so we hear.

1:21:09 Adam Yes, and directionality changes.

1:21:11 Drew Yeah, guys never really know or really care. But when I guess when you start getting into a D and a B.

1:21:17 Adam That's pretty substantial. We look funny in clothing and stuff.

1:21:21 Drew Right. So then you got to consult a plastic surgeon, April.

1:21:26 Adam How about a cosmetic surgeon?

1:21:28 Going to see one? I thought about that.

1:21:32 Drew No killing one.

1:21:33 Adam You thought about that, but what?

1:21:34 Well, I thought about going to see a plastic surgeon, but I was still concerned that maybe there was something wrong. I mean, I don't understand why one breast would completely grow so much larger than the other one.

1:21:44 Adam It's very common.

1:21:46 It's very common? Really?

1:21:47 Adam It just happens. And there can be changes in the sort of the direction and position of the nipple and this kind of thing, too. And plastic surgeons are used to correcting those things.

1:21:56 I thought it was like a freak or something.

1:21:58 Adam No. But here's a piece of wisdom for all listeners. There's nothing that hasn't happened to other humans that you're experiencing.

1:22:07 Drew A lot of them died six months later. That's what they're worried about.

1:22:11 Adam Just whatever it is, though.

1:22:12 Drew They're dead. No, no, no. They're in the ground, Drew.

1:22:15 Adam Yeah. But even if it's a serious thing, the point is it's never happened before. It's happened before. People don't handle it. You can be helped.

1:22:21 Drew Yeah. You can go. You will not stump the plastic surgeon. Absolutely not. All right. I saw that swan show yesterday. For some reason.

1:22:31 Adam Me too.

1:22:32 Drew There must have been nothing on.

1:22:34 Adam Which my daughter was watching. My wife and daughter were watching. What would you watch? Which one? It was like back to back. We must have seen the same one. I think it was when we came up here afterwards.

1:22:40 Drew Well, the one chick, they made the one chick was skinny, wanted a nose job.

1:22:46 Adam Well, the one with the brown hair.

1:22:47 Drew Except for they gave her, they dyed her eyebrows and her hair that sort of orange color. So she looked like some Middle Eastern chick selling jewelry on QVC.

1:22:55 Adam That was the other one.

1:22:56 Drew Yeah, yeah, I didn't like that. Yeah, listen. Look, I keep these fags away from this chick's hair. Look, I'm sitting at home. I'm a carpenter for Christ's sake. I got to sit around and go, look, the orange brown, the orange hair, not good.

1:23:10 Adam Is the reason you thought of the swan just because of the plastic surgeon?

1:23:13 Drew Yeah, the plastic surgeon made me think of the swan.

1:23:15 Adam Well, the other thing was the girl that they redid before the one you're talking about had breast asymmetry.

1:23:19 Drew Oh, she did. She did. And what did they do? They bring one up for something.

1:23:24 Adam My wife was very bothered by that. Really? They didn't seem to correct that part.

1:23:28 Drew I like the part where they don't get to see a mirror. My whole thing is I'll get a white head every third or fourth day that if I don't get to a mirror, I'm going to walk around looking like an idiot. You know what I mean?

1:23:40 Adam Yeah.

1:23:40 Drew Like, my deal would be, look, I don't need a mirror, but you got to tell me if there's some broccoli in my teeth or I got a nice big white head or something.

1:23:46 Adam Someone's got to work on you every day.

1:23:47 Drew Yeah. I need like a little spider monkey with a sharpened stick. You know, look at the piece of bamboo that's been carved to a razor sharp point just sort of going at me. Because I'll get like an ingrown hair in my beard or something, a white head, I'll be walking around like an idiot.

1:24:01 Adam That's a weird show.

1:24:02 Drew That's why I can't go on Survivor. I get crazy white and walk around like, I'd go home and watch it and be like, oh my God, 22 episodes, big white head on my forehead, no one said anything? All right.

1:24:15 Adam It's a good time.

1:24:16 Drew Yeah, that swan is a weird show because the people are effed up.

1:24:21 Adam They're the contestants. Yeah, that's one of the bottom is you're going to see a therapist for three months and we're going to correct a personality disorder? No. Yeah. How about their interpersonal stuff?

1:24:30 Drew Yeah.

1:24:30 Adam The one girl that kept going after her philandering husband?

1:24:34 Drew Yeah.

1:24:34 Caller Yeah.

1:24:35 Drew Yeah.

1:24:35 Adam Guy's a sociopath. I'm in love with him.

1:24:37 Caller Yeah.

1:24:37 Adam What?

1:24:38 Drew Oh, yeah. Yeah, the brother man. Yeah, he'll be back now. Believe you me when he sees her. I like my favorite part of this one last night is when he was, they were talking to the plastic surgeon who are a little bit nutty. And again, here's the plastic surgeon, not versus the guys who do the gender reassignment and that kind of stuff. It's not easy difference between the chicks who do porn and the ones who dance at the topless bar, you know, like Marcel, a little bit nutty. The ones that do gender assignment, these ones doing the hardcore porn. You see what I'm saying? There's degrees of nuttiness in the doctor world. The guy said he's going to use his his plastic surgery to unlock her natural beauty. And I thought to myself, what do you mean? You don't unlock someone's natural beauty by taking a saw to their nose. That's not natural beauty. You're giving them collagen injections. We're going to we're going to unlock her natural beauty. What? That's that whole sort of it's inside. It's inside. We're just going to we're going to get to it.

1:25:43 Adam I always like the way it's often they're very, very difficult, you know, emotionally disturbed patients. They're like, you know, they're kind of emotional and we're going to make them happy. You know, we're going to we're going to hold them, make them feel confident. It's like someone's acting out here.

1:25:58 Drew We're going to unlock their natural beauty by cutting several yards of flesh away from their abdomen and sowing that gaping tracheal shot they're born with as that's their natural beauty. We'll unlock it. Take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey everybody, it's the Loveline. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1- Lost Profits in Here Tomorrow Night. And then Steve Vaughn, Chris Pontius from Wild Boys, MTV. I guess that's on MTV, right?

1:26:50 Adam I think so.

1:26:51 Drew I think I get hip to the scene, Drew.

1:26:53 Hey, Drew, why is it that when you rub your balls while you're jerking off, that it feels so much better?

1:26:58 Adam I haven't noticed that. Okay. Can't wait to have him back again.

1:27:03 Drew Well, just 48 short hours, closer to 46. Let's speak to Jeff, who's 15. Jeff?

1:27:12 Guest Hey, Adam.

1:27:13 Drew What's happening, buddy?

1:27:15 Guest My girlfriend, she goes to my mom's church. My mom's Mormon. Well, we met and I asked her out, but her parents don't like me because I'm kind of into the punk stuff.

1:27:25 Adam You a Mormon?

1:27:26 Guest No, God, no.

1:27:28 Adam But your mom's a Mormon?

1:27:29 Guest My mom's Mormon. She makes me go.

1:27:31 Adam 1,000% batting average on that. She makes you go, is that what you said?

1:27:36 Guest Yeah, like she threatens to take my computer and stuff out of my room if I don't go with her.

1:27:39 Adam What about your dad?

1:27:41 Guest My dad works in the oil field, so he's never home, really.

1:27:44 Drew Is he Mormon? You, well, was that you?

1:27:48 Adam That was me. Is he Mormon?

1:27:51 Guest No.

1:27:52 Adam Dad is not. Are you a Mormon?

1:27:54 Guest No.

1:27:56 Drew You, first off, tell your mom, if she takes that computer out of your room, you're just gonna be beating off in the entry hall. Yeah, let me just say something real quick with that, all you people moving out and roommates and parents threatening and stuff like that. I remember that, you know, it was a big deal, like, hey, the VCR is going to my room.

1:28:17 Caller No, it's going to my room. No, the DVD player is going over here.

1:28:20 Drew No, it's going over there. Let your roommate take it, because your room will become Jack Central.

1:28:27 Adam Put it in the bathroom.

1:28:28 Drew If you put it in the bathroom.

1:28:29 Adam Come on, let's get with it.

1:28:30 Drew Let's call a spade a spade. When, look.

1:28:33 Adam What's the four?

1:28:34 Drew When is Sony just going to come out with a yellow DVD player? You know, I mean, they've done it with the portable phone, the cameras.

1:28:42 Adam Call it Jack, the waterproof DVD player.

1:28:46 Drew It's actually a pack that you can wear on your back. It's battery operated, takes six D cell batteries. You actually have you have a fold down 13 inch flat screen that also doubles as a blast shield, blast shield. You go anywhere now you walk around. That's totally self contained over your shoulders, over the shoulder spot. It's like a parachute pack, but on the front, about the size of a good knapsack for ways, weighs 72 pounds. It's a little it's a little beefy and you hang it over your shoulders and you take the 13 inch plasma screen or LCD and you flip it down. And it's got a it's got a it's got a carousel back there.

1:29:34 Adam It holds 400 over with your tongue.

1:29:37 Drew Yeah, you blow into it. It's like a Christopher Reeves wheelchair. You just and it knows the difference. You like you blow it one way. That's that's a fast forward and so on and so forth. And it's bright yellow. You take it to the pool, take it to the beach, into the shower, wherever you beat off, that's completely. I'm just saying they do they do the phones, they do the cameras, they do the video cameras, they do everything now. We can just do the yellow one.

1:30:05 Adam The jacksack.

1:30:06 Drew The jacksack. It goes with you. Yeah, stand out in the sprinklers and beat off during a hot summer day. Jeff?

1:30:15 Guest Yeah.

1:30:16 Drew I hope you're writing this down.

1:30:18 Guest I am. I am. I take every word you say as truth.

1:30:22 Drew Thanks, buddy. Thanks, buddy. Okay, so now girlfriend Mormon.

1:30:28 Adam Can't date you.

1:30:29 Guest Girlfriend Mormon. Her parents don't like me because I'm kind of a scary-looking guy.

1:30:33 Adam You're Mormon. Why don't you tone it down a little bit?

1:30:36 Guest Oh, I did. I mean, I quit wearing my jacket and my boots and stuff and I tried to tone it down for her. But we'd talk over the Internet a lot. And Drew, you know you can print the stuff up after you're done talking with them.

1:30:49 Adam You print the kids' stuff up, you mean? What'd you just say?

1:30:51 Guest Yeah, like you print up your kids' stuff when they're done talking to their friends and their friends.

1:30:53 Adam Oh, that's what we do.

1:30:54 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:30:55 Guest Well, her parents got ahold of it and it's a message me and her were having. I mean, it wasn't anything bad, but it was like, her parents won't let her talk to me on the phone or anything.

1:31:05 Drew How bad was it? Was it anything?

1:31:07 Guest No, it was just like an alibi for her, like what to call me on the phone, like if her parents had to talk to me.

1:31:13 Drew All right. Yeah. Well, how about this? Do you have a good relationship with your mom?

1:31:21 Adam Could you send her in on your behalf?

1:31:24 Drew This sounds a little sitcom-y, but how about saying your mom, and look, by the way, that whole punky thing, not a great way to go as a 15-year-old. Here's the thing, it does get the chicks, because it gets the chicks that are angry at their dad, and whatever, rebellious, and trying to piss their parents off. Ironically, you succeed in pissing their parents off. Now it's catch 22, because the reason you got the chick is because the chicks, parents are Mormons, they're oppressive, they're dragging her to church. She's going to pay them back by going out with a guy who's going to anger them, and therefore, mission accomplished. It's interesting. Now here's the thing, Drew, though, still better from just a sort of, how much Tang are you drawing in high school quotient? Still better to go the punk route and sneak off and meet the chicks than to put on the bow tie and not meet any chicks. Ironically, the parents would love it. Listen, I wasn't a nerd in high school, but parents liked me more than their daughters did. You don't want to be in that position. Do you know what I mean?

1:32:33 Adam That's why all your parents blamed you for the trouble they got in?

1:32:38 Drew Well, there was an element of that. I actually did have during parent-teacher meetings. My parents never attended those, which is a good thing. I never told them. But other people's parents would go and they've actually told other people's parents that I was in too close a proximity to their child. And that's what's happened to them. Listen, all you teachers I had, kiss my hairy rich ass, go back to your crappy one bedroom apartments and your Chevy citations, and contemplate suicide just one more time over that frozen Salisbury steak, Hungry Man Dinner, whatever you can afford with that crappy salary years. I'll be going back to one of my homes and one of my cars. I haven't decided which one yet. Yes, Drew?

1:33:31 Adam Yes, Adam. Let's go to break.

1:33:33 Drew Let's take a break.

1:33:35 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:40 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:41 Adam Call the Dateline.

1:33:43 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:45 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:04 Drew Well, that's the show, everybody. Lost Profits are going to be in here tomorrow night. We will take a little extendo break. Until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:20 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, May 11, 2004