Episode 1000612033803

0:52 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:06 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Andy Richter is here tonight. I'm retarded. We're all big fans.

1:21 Drew That's a nice drop-in. People should know that that applause was fake.

1:26 Adam No, it was... Huge studio here. It was not done in real time, but at the time it was done, the people were sincere. For me? Not for you per se, but for all performers.

1:38 Drew There was an autograph hound really outside the studio today.

1:45 Adam Wow. I don't know though. He was going after you.

1:53 Drew No, he had stills from the movie.

1:57 Adam That's good, Felt. I'm sure you sign a lot of autographs in your day.

2:01 Drew Well, cumulatively, yeah, but I mean not like on a daily basis. It's not like they're hanging out at Whole Foods.

2:08 Adam I'm curious, are you hanging out at Whole Foods by the way?

2:12 Drew I spend way too much time at Whole Foods.

2:15 Adam Really?

2:17 Drew Yeah, you don't get a body like this without eating or drinking.

2:19 Adam Yeah, I was going to go shaky, but you're going Whole Foods.

2:21 Drew Yeah, Whole Foods, you know it.

2:23 Adam Alright, let me tell you one of the great losers, stoner, got nothing better to do, kind of white trash afternoons that I used to have back when I was in my late 20s and even early 30s is the, we don't got a gig, it's Wednesday, it's noon, we're hitting a bunch of lunch. True, you don't know that feeling. Andy, I don't know if you've ever been there either.

2:45 Drew I don't know what the bunch of lunch is.

2:46 Adam The shaky's bunch of lunch.

2:48 Drew Oh, like the, it's like a buffet sort of thing?

2:52 Adam It is, it is just that.

2:53 Drew I've been to similar things.

2:54 Adam It is all the mojos and pizza and chicken you can eat and there's something about being an adult and hitting it on a weekday when there's nothing else going on. It's a sort of form of playing hooky, like you know, you know that feeling of when you skip out on school, that weird little sort of adrenaline surge you get, like I'm being naughty. You can have that all over again in your 30s if you go to Shakey's on Wednesday at about noon.

3:21 Drew See, because my connection with any sort of like buffet was poverty.

3:26 Caller Really?

3:27 Drew Yeah, so I mean it wouldn't be, it wasn't like, I'm skipping out, I mean it was sort of like, I've been shut out of life.

3:34 Adam Right, well this basically, this is both, yeah, where you sort of eat like the camel drinks. You just go, you know, it's four bucks, you load up. The humiliating part is when one guy pays and you show up and you just sort of, you know, peck at his food like crows on a dumpster and then the manager comes around and tells you to put that mojo potato back. It's true, you never did that?

3:55 Andy Richter That I did not do.

3:56 Adam You've done the shaky stuff, right?

3:57 Andy Richter Sure, but not eating my buddies.

3:59 Drew See, when I first came to LA. I went to, I thought Sizzler, I thought, that's a good deal, you know, all you can eat and, you know, I'll just load up and, you know, like do one big meal and just load up. And it was absolutely impossible to load up on, like, you know, shoe leather and I hope they're not a sponsor.

4:23 Adam No, not that we're aware of.

4:25 Andy Richter Yeah, but no.

4:27 Drew I grew up in Illinois.

4:28 Andy Richter Whereabouts?

4:29 Drew A town called Yorkville, Illinois, which is about 70 miles west of Chicago. Sort of when things stop being suburbs and start being bean fields.

4:41 Adam I got a lot of questions for Andy because I'm curious about his career.

4:47 Drew My whole thing.

4:48 Adam I'm curious about your whole thing. I do have to say that I watched Ebert and Roper today. And, Drew, you are 0 for 2. And, Andy, you are 1 for 4 in the thumbs department.

5:01 Drew Oh, really?

5:02 Adam Yeah. Drew, you got two thumbs down. Andy reviewed two movies, Andy. Andy was in. And there's a thumb up in those two movies.

5:10 Drew There was.

5:11 Adam Yeah, so you're averaging.

5:12 Drew Was it Ebert or Roper?

5:14 Adam I was trying to concentrate. I think seeing other people, I think Ebert gave a thumbs up too. And, generally, gave the movie a strong review. Drew, however, your film and Andy's second film, which he looks at as a paycheck, where Drew looks at it as his rocket to stardom. It was scathing at best. It was a powerful criticism.

5:49 Drew That's weird because on set, we actually had pictures of Ebert and Roper up in the make-up trailer, and we had bullseyes around them. They were like our target. Target reviewers.

5:59 Target audience.

6:03 Drew Yeah, just targets the zeitgeist we were aiming for.

6:06 Adam Well, they have their finger on the pulse of the 13-year-old audience.

6:10 Drew Which actually could get him in trouble.

6:12 Adam How did New York Minute do, by the way? And Drew, don't pretend like you didn't check on the internet.

6:17 Andy Richter I just checked. I got fourth.

6:19 Adam Fourth? Okay, so Van Helsing. Van Helsing killed. All right.

6:23 Andy Richter And then it was like Mean Girls and...

6:26 Adam Mean Girls hanging around.

6:28 Something else was the other one.

6:30 Adam 13 going on 30.

6:31 Andy Richter I don't think that was it. It was something else like Kill Bill or something still in there.

6:34 Adam All right. Let me have our crack computer technician, Chris Hopp on that. We should have an answer for you by Wednesday. So Hopp on that internet. Wednesday or Thursday, we should get back to you on...

6:46 Andy Richter It was fourth. Fourth.

6:47 Adam Is that disappointing?

6:48 Drew That's not good.

6:49 It could be disappointing to anybody.

6:51 Drew It's disappointing to me because I have a financial interest in the movie. I absolutely do. It's not a big interest.

6:58 Adam No.

6:59 Drew But it was just like a way to pad out my paycheck.

7:02 Adam Right.

7:02 Drew You know, and to say like it gets to a certain point and I make a little bit, you know, like I make a cookie and then I get to another point and I make like another cookie.

7:13 Adam Now, Drew doesn't have any such luck. But yeah, you got a couple of points there. They give you a taste. But it's got to do really well in order for you to...

7:23 Drew I don't have points or anything. I just have... There's just bonuses.

7:26 Adam There's a mark.

7:27 Drew Yeah.

7:27 Adam It gets over a hundred million Andy Richter.

7:30 I'm not even sure of the number.

7:32 Adam No.

7:32 Drew I'm not even... No, I get like, you know... No, yeah. I get like one of those new Scions.

7:39 Adam Yeah.

7:39 Drew You know.

7:41 Adam He's got it. Chris has it. Must have been already on the computer.

7:44 Drew It's Van Helsing, Mean Girls, Man on Fire, American...

7:49 Adam Man on Fire. Wow. A documentary about the gay lifestyle circus.

7:55 Andy Richter I'm surprised that they would be upset by something being even in the...

7:58 Adam Who's upset?

7:58 Andy Richter They had to be number one?

7:59 Adam Who's upset?

8:00 Andy Richter I guess you're upset because you're not kidding me.

8:02 Adam Andy's upset. But don't worry. They may, you know, you may come back next week. And then there's video releases and, you know, the whole DVD thing. So, anyway, overall, how much should it make, Chris? Does it say? Doesn't say.

8:15 Andy Richter I think it's around $8 or $10.

8:17 Adam $8 or $10. Disappointing.

8:19 Andy Richter I don't know.

8:20 Adam Disappointing. I'm disappointed in you, Drew. I feel like you let me down.

8:24 Andy Richter I'm sorry.

8:25 All right.

8:25 Adam But good job on Kimmel on Friday. Enjoyed that. Andy, okay, so questions for Andy.

8:32 Caller Yes.

8:32 Adam And then we're going right to the phones.

8:33 Caller Right.

8:35 Adam So, Conan for seven years. Right. How long had you known Conan or had you known Conan before Conan became Conan?

8:44 Drew I, well, I mean, I knew it. I only met him in conjunction for doing the show.

8:50 Adam Oh, you did?

8:51 Drew Yeah, yeah, I was, I mean, I ultimately would have gotten to know him because we knew so many people in common. And actually, we'd been working together for a couple years and we just were talking about going to, like, he said, oh, I was at this party a few years ago and this thing happened and I was like, hey, I was at that party. So, a couple months before we met, we were at a party at Bob Odenkirk's house, you know, Bob Odenkirk? Oh, yeah. And sort of, I was in the front yard and he was in the backyard and we just didn't meet.

9:20 Adam But, but you guys, when you were asked to do Conan, did you audition to do Conan? Did somebody have you in mind?

9:29 Drew He got the job, because I think he and Lorne Michaels were having sex.

9:35 Adam Oh, yeah. No, we've confirmed that.

9:39 They told us about that.

9:40 Drew No, he got the job and then he said when he got these, like, well, I want Roberts Meigel to be my head writer and Roberts Meigel, I had become friendly with through a friend of mine that was working on Saturday Night Live and Robert was a writer there.

9:57 Adam Right. And Robert, for all the uninitiated, who was on the show, does Triumph the Insult, Wonder Dog.

10:03 Drew Yeah, Triumph the Insult, Comic Dog and he does all the lips and what we call the clutch cargos.

10:09 Adam Yes.

10:10 Drew And he also does the cartoons on Saturday Night Live.

10:13 Adam Yeah, very talented. And he knows it.

10:18 Drew Interesting.

10:18 Adam He is aware of his talent. He is a genius.

10:21 Drew And you are not?

10:22 Adam I am not aware that he is a genius.

10:24 Drew No, of your own.

10:25 Adam No, I don't know. See, let me tell you something about me.

10:28 Drew Alright.

10:29 Adam You may not know. This should be good.

10:32 Drew People should know. It was like he was going to stab me with a pen when he started this.

10:35 Adam One of the reasons I am hot to the ladies is because I don't know I am hot. That is number one. And then number two, one of the reasons the men adore me is I don't recognize my own talent. I am not a comedic genius or overall genius.

10:47 Andy Richter See, it is not that he is not hot, not a genius, not a comedic genius, is that he does not know it.

10:53 Adam I don't know it. And when a woman finds out, a woman is surprised when she finds out I don't know I am hot. In fact, that is when they fall.

11:04 Drew It is when they come in after the lovemaking and you are standing before the mirror crying down. One single solitary tear.

11:11 Adam That is right.

11:11 Drew Dripping. And they are like, darling, don't you know?

11:14 Adam That is right. I am talking about asymmetry in my nipples. Yeah. And they are like, oh no, shh. And they do that thing where they put their hand over my mouth because I am saying bad things about myself. No, no.

11:25 Drew You can't even see the scars.

11:27 I just want to crawl up inside a bucket of hog and dogs.

11:34 Adam So now, Smigel.

11:35 Drew So he hires Robert.

11:36 Adam Right.

11:36 Drew Smigel calls me and says, as most of the times when you are doing a show like that, everybody says, ask all the people they know, do you have any funny, unemployed friends? Which is what I was. And Robert called me and said, hey, would you like to come write on this guy Conan's show? And I said, sure. And I submitted some stuff. And then I flew out there and I was the first writer hired on the show. And it was what the understanding that they would be performing. Because all the writers on that show. Almost all of them end up performing in some way or another.

12:09 Adam Right. They're being in sketches and things like that.

12:13 Drew And I was the only, there was no other sidekick. It wasn't like there was a contest.

12:18 Adam How long was Conan on before you were his sidekick?

12:21 Drew No, no. I was there from the very beginning.

12:23 Adam So how did you make it from writer to sidekick? You know, it would seem like that would evolve.

12:29 Drew It's because I didn't let them on, let on that I'm a genius. And then they, like what you were saying...

12:36 Adam They didn't know how high you were?

12:37 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

12:37 They made them want to know.

12:39 Drew No, I started there in like June and the show debuted in September. So it was a lot of time of... I wasn't writing much and I was just cracking wise with him and it was just getting something out of me.

12:55 Adam Was it his idea or was it one of the students' ideas?

12:58 Drew I don't know. I think, no, it was like smiegling him. It was like smiegling him and, you know, Conan didn't talk to me much about it in the beginning of like, I want you to be, he let Robert do it because it's weird, you know, it would be weird because it's sort of like actors giving each other notes, kind of, you know.

13:14 Adam Yeah.

13:15 Drew So, smiegel would say like, why don't you go sit with him? Like we started in test shows, like the first time he ever went on set and interviewed somebody, he interviewed me.

13:23 Adam Right.

13:24 Drew And then, and then the next time they did like a test show, which was just like to see him in front of lights and stuff and then they said, well, why don't you just, you go sit out there with him. And I was kind of like, well, why? You know, just cause he likes you.

13:36 Andy Richter When was that? So we can understand when that was.

13:37 Drew There was June of 93, July, no, that was probably more like August of 93. And then, and then when we started doing test shows in front of an audience in the studio, I was out there, they bought me like one sport coat and, and I would go, and I went out there a couple of nights and I thought I had the job. And then there was one night where it was like, they were like, keep the sport coat on afterwards, you're going to dinner with Lauren. And Conan and I got in Lauren's limo and they took us to dinner. And there, it was Lauren and Steve Martin. And I had dinner with Lauren and Steve Martin and then afterwards people told me, well I guess you got the job. And I was like, I thought, I already thought I did, you know.

14:20 Adam What, was it, was the first uh... years or so touch and go with Conan?

14:27 Drew I mean, beyond touch and go.

14:29 Adam Yeah, I mean, I remember just from an outsider's standpoint. Well, ratings aren't through the roof and he looks a little shaky, but I didn't know if there was a close to Paul and the plug or what.

14:37 Drew There were trap doors built into the set. And it was a... Executives would hold on to big levers. Which weren't really connected to the trap door. No, they uh... I guess it was a point Conan in and Jeff Ross and Robert Smigel that, you know, that they did a good job of parenting us, which is like not letting the children know that you're going to be evicted. Right. You know, they just let the kids be blissfully ignorant and, you know, all the writers and everybody else in the show. We just kept working. But actually there was... there was a point within the first year of the show being on, it wasn't like right away, it was, you know, eight months into it, where we were actually canceled on a Friday. They told him, like, now you're not coming back. And then he came in Monday and they didn't have a replacement. You know, they didn't have any...

15:25 Adam They're planning on getting...

15:27 Drew Yeah, they were like...

15:28 Adam Rick Deese to fly out for that day?

15:30 Drew I had no idea. Well, they were grooming Kenear and Kenear just didn't work out. Like, they kept testing him in like a larger format and people just weren't buying it. Right. And I don't know why or anything.

15:42 Adam So that was about month... the eighth month?

15:45 Drew Which I would estimate, yeah, somewhere in there.

15:48 Adam And so, you know, when do you feel that the show was, you know, sort of out of the woods? Was it two years?

15:56 Drew Probably two years was like really for sure out of the woods, but there was a point... Letterman came on the show and really was completely complimentary about the show in like a way... like a guy who knows that kind of show better than him. Not in just like a glad-handing, I'm getting back at the guys that didn't give me The Tonight Show. In a real genuine way, he was... and I think that was... and there was a lot of press about that and that really felt to us like the tide turning. And I don't know if that really made a difference. Also too, one thing that made a difference is there were a lot of... it's hard to find a word... Coke? There were a lot of people at NBC, a lot of executive types, it's hard to find a word to describe them on the radio. Oh, because they were not nice people and they were not nice. To me, I was nothing to them. They didn't even talk to me. They were really awful to him and when those people got fired, then that was sort of a sigh of relief.

17:03 Adam It's an interesting uh... Well, we're going to phones, but I want to say this, they're quite down, Drew, trying to conduct an interview. There's an interesting thing which is if you're the network executive or executives and some guy just you know uh... crawls out of the uh... mire known as the groundlings, and you give him a shot and you know he has no business being on TV and all this kind of stuff, you're always above him. And eventually when the guard changes, the new ones come in and the up here. A very wise man named Jimmy Kimmel once told me when uh... I wanted to drive the vans or answer the phones or something here about ten years ago. He said that don't do it because you'll just become the van driver and even if you work your way up to uh... president of the station whoever was there while you're driving a van is going to look at you as a van driver. Aha! And now look at me Drew. Hot and I don't know it. That's huge.

18:02 Drew Right.

18:03 Adam Alright.

18:03 Drew And you still want to drive a van don't you?

18:05 Adam Secretly, yeah.

18:06 Drew When you finally make enough money you're going to buy yourself a van.

18:09 Adam Not the station van.

18:10 Andy Richter No, he wants one with the big tiger woman driving a car.

18:13 Adam It says Love Tron in rainbow tape and it's got the captain's chair.

18:18 Drew And a bubble window shaped like a spade.

18:20 Adam The bubble window.

18:21 Caller Yeah.

18:21 Adam That's right. That's right.

18:23 Andy Richter You're not talking about the woman with the white tiger?

18:25 Adam And a plow pump.

18:26 Caller Yeah.

18:26 Adam Yeah, the snow leopard.

18:27 Andy Richter The Zeen of the Warrior of the Snow Leopard.

18:28 Adam The snow leopard, yeah.

18:29 Caller Right.

18:30 Adam Wearing the pewter bra.

18:31 Andy Richter There you go.

18:31 Drew And the jame gum fake arm cast. Somebody out there knows what I'm talking about.

18:39 Andy Richter Lisa 25, blah, blah, blah. Lisa.

18:41 Drew Hello.

18:42 Andy Richter What's happening?

18:45 Andy Richter Good. Good.

18:46 Drew Enough about me. Let's hear your problems.

18:50 Caller Yeah, I was in Iraq for over a year. And I'm just, I'm pretty sure it's anxiety. But, you know, I've never been to therapist or anything like that. But I like having like a really hard time. Just like living in general.

19:13 Andy Richter Are you having like, are you having like...

19:14 Caller With the people I used to know and...

19:16 Adam Well, what were you doing in Iraq?

19:19 Caller I'm in the Army. I'm a reservist in the Army. Reserved. And I was just a paralegal.

19:26 Andy Richter You're not having a post-traumatic stress disorder? Did you see some awful things?

19:30 Caller Kind of. I mean, they did tell us that a lot of people experience kind of like it. Anxiety with going back.

19:39 Andy Richter Right.

19:40 Caller And what not, which is all fine and dandy, but they're like, that's normal. And I'm like, well, that's great. That's normal, but it doesn't make me feel better.

19:51 Adam She's dropped the F-bomb there.

19:56 Andy Richter It's interesting that the, what they call the pre-morbid condition, how you go when you leave for Iraq or war tends to determine your risk for post-traumatic stress disorder.

20:06 Adam Really? So you should go with bells on?

20:09 Andy Richter You should go. The more pristine you are, the better you're going to be.

20:12 Adam Oh, you mean the better shape you're in emotionally?

20:14 Andy Richter The less likely you're already get post-traumatic stress disorder. At least it dropped in the F-bomb.

20:17 Adam It's like when you, it's like when they talk to these people and the guy had the snowboarding accident where he flew off a cliff and the doctor says if he wasn't in such phenomenal shape, he would have died there on the mountain.

20:28 Andy Richter This is a converse of that.

20:30 Adam Yeah, because to me, being in great shape and then dying, then who's to joke on? You know what I mean? That's why I'm not going to risk it. I think Andy, I know Andy, I know Andy Spear, is subscribed to that too.

20:41 Andy Richter You're sounding depressed. You should get treated. You're having a post-traumatic stress disorder.

20:46 Adam And do it through the military, right?

20:48 Andy Richter The military is the people that are used to dealing with these kinds of conditions and although they say it's normal, they're not telling you not to treat it or to ignore it. They're telling you to anticipate it and to take action when it occurs, especially if it's impairing your functioning.

21:00 Adam Do they, do you think the military psychologists are in like fatigues and stuff and yell like, on your knees, scumbag, you're worthless and weak, getting up in your face, your last easy day was yesterday?

21:11 Andy Richter I'll be watching you!

21:13 Andy Richter Did you get a little glimmer of her hostility and stuff though?

21:16 Adam Yeah, just a little.

21:18 Andy Richter The listener may not have heard that, but she let a few things fly.

21:24 Drew Somebody like that, I've never been to therapy, that's like, well, yeah, you should go. That's like, I don't know, I'm always amazed by people that are obviously in that much pain, and they're sort of like, well, I mean, it'd be like if you broke your leg and you had a bone sticking out of it, you wouldn't go like, well, I guess I could go to the hospital, but I mean, come on.

21:46 Andy Richter The way people want to argue with medical care whether mental health or general physical health providers, because it's their body and their brain, therefore it's different. No, in fact, more so. Doctors don't take care of themselves. They go to other people to be taken care of. You have to.

22:04 Adam Let's speak to Brittany. Brittany? You're 17?

22:08 Caller Yeah, I have two questions. One of them is, what are the odds of getting pregnant when you're on the shot?

22:16 Andy Richter Almost zero.

22:18 Caller If you take on the shot before the flu shot.

22:20 Caller I know two people that are pregnant.

22:22 Andy Richter On the shot. And were they taking it on time? Huh? They getting the shots on time? Mom just walked in.

22:30 Adam Somebody walked in.

22:31 Andy Richter Brittany?

22:35 Adam Yeah, hello? I miss those days where you had to go to the house to talk on the phone. Oh, Brittany. Brittany is there. Hello?

22:45 Caller Hello? Oh, nobody walked in.

22:46 Andy Richter Okay, Brittany.

22:47 Drew What's happening?

22:48 Andy Richter Here's the deal, Brittany. Unless they were taking medication or not getting the shot on time, it is a very effective means of birth control. What's your other question?

22:57 Caller My other question is, when me and my boyfriend have sex, like without a condom, unless he finishes inside of me, there'd be like no smell, but whenever he does, it would kind of smell weird.

23:09 Andy Richter What are you using for birth control when he does finish inside you?

23:12 Caller What did you say?

23:14 Adam What? By the way, we got to get out of Los Angeles. Brittany, okay, it doesn't smell when he finishes.

23:26 Andy Richter It does when he finishes in her bathroom.

23:31 Adam We can blame him because it's his trash. It's only your garbage can.

23:35 Andy Richter There you go. That's what I'm talking about.

23:36 Adam Yeah. But my question is, I'm romantic that way.

23:39 Andy Richter What are you doing for birth control on those times when he is finished?

23:43 Adam On the shot. All right.

23:46 Drew I would say start sneaking Glade Erwick into his food.

23:53 Andy Richter Some guys can have a little fun with that.

23:55 Well, yeah.

23:57 Andy Richter And, you know, it's the mixing of chemistries there.

24:00 Adam Yeah. He's got a lot of flora and fauna down there.

24:02 Andy Richter He's eating quite an alchemy.

24:03 Drew It could be his diet. It could be his diet.

24:05 Andy Richter Not so much.

24:06 Drew He's eating a lot of cheese.

24:07 Andy Richter A lot of asparagus might add a little something. But generally, that actually is more an issue of bacterial growth.

24:13 Drew Oh, really? Maybe. There we go.

24:16 Andy Richter Cheese.

24:17 Drew Is he French?

24:18 Adam Well, um.

24:19 Drew Call me Bree.

24:20 Andy Richter May we with Brittany. I guarantee you the guy speaks little English, mostly French.

24:24 Adam Yes. I'm picturing an ascot and a tweed jacket.

24:27 Andy Richter I think a little guy with a beret.

24:28 Adam Oh, you're thinking that kind of like Frenchy. I'm thinking more sort of inner. I'm thinking.

24:32 Andy Richter International man of mystery.

24:34 Adam I'm thinking French Riviera.

24:37 Drew I was thinking like leather jacket and sort of like long greasy hair.

24:41 Adam Oh, that?

24:42 Drew Motorcycle.

24:44 Adam French?

24:44 Drew Yeah.

24:46 Adam The dangerous Frenchman.

24:47 Andy Richter May with Brittany.

24:49 Adam Yeah, I'm still thinking.

24:51 Drew I mean, it's my fantasy. Get off my back.

24:53 Adam So, it's interesting. We've all decided that Brittany is with a Frenchman. You have picked sort of the comical striped shirt.

25:01 Drew The cartoon Frenchman.

25:02 Andy Richter Almost for an artist.

25:04 Adam Yeah, the pencil and mustache. Under the Eiffel Tower, whereas Andy went this sort of nouveau, long, you know, shizzle features.

25:14 Drew A young Depardieu.

25:16 Adam Smoking unfiltered cigarettes and I want the tweed jacket with the suede elbow patches and the scarf.

25:24 Drew The kerchief.

25:25 Andy Richter Any of those guys would be a likely candidate.

25:28 Drew Alright. To have stinky, you know.

25:32 Andy Richter With Brittany.

25:33 Caller Specifically with Brittany.

25:35 Adam A little brie in her baguette. Andy Richter is here tonight. We're going to take yourselves just a little break, and we'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LLVE-191. Andy Richter is here tonight.

26:05 Caller Hello.

26:06 Adam Andy and Drew's new joint is called New York Minute. It is out in theaters as we speak. Andy is also in Seeing Other People, which was reviewed quite favorably on Ebert and Roper today.

26:20 Caller And although Ebert is, I guess, 50% favorably.

26:24 Andy Richter He gave us somewhat negative review.

26:25 Adam Reluctant thumb down, by the way, on Seeing Other People.

26:29 Andy Richter He has written a review called Cinematic Tricks. Which I thought was...

26:33 Drew Seeing Other People?

26:34 Andy Richter No, no, New York Minute.

26:35 Caller Oh.

26:36 Andy Richter Which I thought was actually...

26:37 Drew Oh, TRIX.

26:39 Caller Oh, okay.

26:39 Andy Richter Tricks for kids. That's what it is.

26:42 Drew Cinematic Tricks, like they were... We're fooling people. Sure.

26:48 Adam We're not reading it, you screwball. Come on out there. Come on, buddy.

26:53 Drew No.

26:54 Adam No. It was a long process.

26:57 Drew It's all right. But now it's even more time we'll never have back.

27:01 Adam That's true.

27:02 Andy Richter Thank you.

27:02 Adam True. World's dumbest genius. Stacey?

27:08 Drew Stacey.

27:09 Andy Richter Take five. I can't get her.

27:13 Adam Amanda?

27:13 Drew I really wanted to help her, too.

27:15 Andy Richter Amanda? Hello?

27:18 Adam Hold on. What is it? It's like Quaalude Stutter Night. Why is everything like just humping a curtain? It just can't... No one's...

27:28 Drew It's too much Mother's Day.

27:31 Adam Amanda?

27:32 Caller Yeah.

27:33 Adam All right. 27. What's up?

27:35 Oh my God.

27:37 Caller You guys are like the best ever.

27:41 Adam Thanks, baby dog.

27:42 Caller You guys are really educational also.

27:46 Caller And entertaining.

27:48 Caller I had a question about my husband.

27:50 Andy Richter By the way, just one quick second, Adam, I hate to put you off. Help me with this sticker. Adam just tore this sticker off because I asked him to reach it for me. How dare you?

27:58 Caller I'm putting you out.

27:59 Adam I'm very sorry. With your stupid tricks.

28:00 Andy Richter Very sorry. Okay, go ahead, Amanda.

28:04 Caller My husband and my husband only last like two minutes at the moment.

28:08 Adam All right.

28:10 Caller And we've been married for like years.

28:14 Andy Richter This is a problem for you.

28:17 Adam Yeah.

28:18 Andy Richter And have you brought this up with him? Have you brought this up with him? Does he know it's a problem? Oh, yeah. Fantastic.

28:28 Adam I can't deal with it. And by the way, two minutes seems like a long time, but like I said to my wife, hold your breath and punch yourself in the face nonstop for two minutes. And then tell me. It is. It's long. It's long.

28:39 Drew Put a knife in your leg.

28:40 Adam Put a knife in your leg.

28:41 Drew Yeah, for two minutes.

28:42 Adam And yoke it out for two minutes straight.

28:43 Drew Right. That's a long time.

28:45 Adam Put the point of the buck knife on your femur. Right. Have it stop there. And then just yoke it out in a long circular motion for two minutes. Two minutes straight. And you tell me. You tell me if that's a short period of time, ladies. I don't think so.

28:57 Andy Richter Reality is because those sorts of behaviors do feel so long. The man is probably talking more about 20 seconds or so. In reality. Be that as it may, certainly him doing things like masturbating beforehand, trying other things other than, of course, with you maybe. It's kind of working it out as a couple. Usually couples can figure this out.

29:16 Drew Three condoms at once.

29:17 Adam Yeah.

29:17 Drew Would that be so hard to do?

29:19 Adam And a little girth, taking away a little feeling with Andy. I see, I'm picturing Andy's a girthy man downstairs, by the way. Andy probably has one of those.

29:30 Drew Are you just doing it now or is it something you've done in the previous thought of you?

29:35 Adam No, I haven't thought of it, but I'm picturing Andy could be one of those sleeper guys in the junk drawer, you know what I mean? Yeah, just like who's, oh my god, yeah, like.

29:46 Drew I'm like Ron Jeremy, but without the nodules and left turns.

29:54 Adam Yeah. Yeah, all right, so now, okay, I just, you know, a guy like Andy, once in a while, you know what I'm saying, really surprised you.

30:02 Andy Richter He's got to be.

30:05 Adam See, one of the reasons that I'm hot is because I don't know I'm hot.

30:09 Drew Right.

30:09 Andy Richter I think that's just for him.

30:10 Adam That's the thing with Andy's penis, it's huge because he thinks it's small. Joanna?

30:17 Caller Yeah, I have a question for Dr. Drew. I'm wondering, what are the biological influences, particularly of childhood trauma on the development of addiction, and if there are any differences between generalized trauma of adults or if early childhood trauma exhibits a sort of specific effect on addiction.

30:35 Andy Richter Alright, hold on. I'm going to try to answer this very quickly because Adam gets bored with this kind of thing.

30:39 Caller Sorry, Adam.

30:41 Andy Richter As quickly as I can, understand that everything that happens-

30:44 Adam Chris, get my melatonin and fluff my pillow, turn my bed down, and stay away from the goddamn mint. That's mine.

30:50 Drew His long cap for sleeping.

30:53 Adam Light my candle so I can find the pot in the middle of the chamber pot. Yeah, go ahead, Drew.

30:59 Andy Richter One of the extraordinary things about the humans is that things that happen during childhood have a disproportionate effect on everything else that is to follow. And the fact that trauma, particularly interpersonal trauma, affects the way the brain becomes wired is being worked out in great detail. I can tell you that essentially 100% of my inpatient addicts have a childhood trauma history. Interpersonal trauma, abuse, neglect, these sorts of things, physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect. And so there is a link there and I can tell you the basic, the thumbnail of what happens as a result of abuse is an incapacity or disruption of emotional regulatory systems. People don't integrate their brain normally in development and as a result they need help with emotional regulation when they hit adolescence and young adulthood. They look for solutions, the solutions our culture offers are things like drugs and sex, they work, but then they trigger this disease.

31:49 Adam But Drew, if you say that it's, you got a 50-50 chance of inheriting the gene for addiction, alcoholism, if your parents come from that, all those people that inherit the gene were abused?

32:03 Andy Richter No, not everyone ends up in an inpatient program. Some people have milder forms of the disease.

32:08 Adam But you'll pretty much get someone to admit they're abused about almost anything, I mean...

32:15 Andy Richter People could theorize that having a parent who's an addict is abandoning a neglectful parent. It's a form of abuse. It's a form of abuse. So that ups the risk right there. People then argue, well, is this a gene or not? Or is it just the environment of the addict? The fact is, when they're raised even outside of the addicted home, addiction rears its head. But now is that the factor of the issues of adoption and whatnot? The fact is that the environmental hit seems to be the abuse. The biological basis seems to be the genetic mechanism. And the more serious the abuse, the more serious the disease, typically.

32:45 Drew Are you saying that crappy childhoods make people drunks and drug addicts?

32:50 Andy Richter Not necessarily.

32:51 Drew Stop the presses. Good Lord. This is really some new ground we're breaking. You knew that, didn't you, caller? I'm sorry, I forgot your name.

33:02 Caller I'm just trying to figure out if it's abuse is later on in life, or like combat trauma like your first caller.

33:07 Andy Richter No, no, totally different. No, it's not totally different in that what that last caller had a good evidence of is post-traumatic stress disorder and usually in every case I've ever seen, there was a childhood trauma first, the results of which become reactivated as a result of an adulthood trauma and those traumas can include other than interpersonal trauma, things like battle fatigue.

33:32 Drew So somebody that had a really well-adjusted, totally healthy childhood goes to war, sees the most horrifying atrocities ever, they're probably going to be kind of okay.

33:43 Andy Richter There's probably even a threshold for them too, with the threshold being much higher than somebody who has a problem.

33:48 Drew Well that makes sense.

33:50 Caller It all makes sense.

33:52 Drew It makes sense with me about my cutting.

33:59 Adam Can we make those jokes on the show?

34:01 Drew Andy said, I'm over here with a compass shoving it in my hand, my appearance here is a cry for help. Why do you think I got in that Olsen Twins movie?

34:12 Andy Richter To meet up with me?

34:13 Drew Just to get here!

34:15 Adam Shoving a compass in his hand.

34:17 Drew And by the way, I don't know what a compass is, a protractor. You know, like cinematic tricks, a protractor, the kind that you draw circles with.

34:27 Adam In carpentry, we would call that a scribe, we use that as a scribe, a scriber.

34:33 Drew Okay, I should use something better. A nail file.

34:37 Adam Here's the deal, compass was a 10 to the 5 people that got it. You see what I'm saying?

34:48 Drew I was actually referencing an episode of Degrassi, where there was a girl that cut herself and that's what she used.

34:53 Andy Richter You watched Degrassi? I'm very scared.

34:56 Caller Oh, it's fantastic.

34:58 Adam I don't even know what that is.

34:59 Andy Richter Something my daughter watches religiously.

35:01 Drew It's a Canadian teen show. It's like an ongoing after school special.

35:06 Andy Richter For 20 years. Oh, really?

35:08 It's fantastic.

35:09 Drew There's a new one now. And because it's Canadian, like the kids.

35:13 Andy Richter They say a boot.

35:14 They say a boot.

35:15 Drew And also, too, if they did a similar thing here, everyone would be gorgeous. Yeah. And in Canada, they're not. So they're like really like real kids and all the drama.

35:26 Andy Richter It reminds me of what was that one that, oh, gosh.

35:29 Adam Say by the Bell? No. Let's keep moving, Drew.

35:35 Andy Richter Jared, what's the name?

35:36 Adam I can't live in the past.

35:37 Drew Oh, My So-Called Life.

35:38 Andy Richter My So-Called Life, yeah.

35:39 Adam Olivia?

35:39 Andy Richter Does it remind you that a little bit?

35:42 Drew I didn't like that one. That one's too, you know, too pretty. Yeah.

35:45 Adam You understand this, Ned, your own personal intercoms.

35:47 Andy Richter Where'd you go to high school?

35:48 Adam This is actually broadcast.

35:49 Drew In Illinois, Yorkville High School.

35:50 Adam All right, Jared, that's enough. Olivia?

35:53 Andy Richter Hi, Olivia. Sorry.

35:55 Drew Do you watch Degrassi?

35:56 No, but I've heard of it.

35:58 Andy Richter Yeah.

35:58 Drew You should watch it.

35:59 Andy Richter My daughter watches it religiously.

36:01 It's fantastic.

36:02 Adam I tell her, I don't watch Degrassi, but I smoke Degrassi. Andy Richter in the studio today, Andy Funny, Funny, Funny Cat. Funny Cat. I used to catch him on Canon. Andy has got a new show coming up called New York Minutes. He's also got something coming out. It's coming out, sitcom coming out.

36:28 Drew It's coming out right now.

36:30 Caller Oh, there it goes.

36:32 Andy Richter Don't drop towel. I'll drop towel. Don't do it. Don't do it. Tell Andy who will drop towel. He will drop towel.

36:39 Adam I will drop towel. Andy. 723.23 after 7 o'clock. Andy Richter in here. Funny, funny man. Olivia.

36:46 Caller Yes.

36:48 Hello.

36:50 Caller Sorry.

36:51 Adam Too bad. You're 21. What's up?

37:03 Caller And I ended up passing out in one of my friend's beds. And he was the guy. And I woke up sometime early in the morning. He had been somewhere else. And I guess he made his way to his bed and he passed out too. We had both been pretty drunk. And I woke up early in the morning and he was kind of, he was just like playing with my clit. He wasn't like on top of me or anything.

37:26 Adam It was attached to you, right?

37:28 Caller Oh, yes. It was still attached to me.

37:30 Adam It was not in the driveway kicking it around or something.

37:33 Caller No.

37:33 Adam That happened to my sister.

37:37 Caller But then...

37:37 Adam And then my dad backed over. It was a disaster.

37:41 Caller All right.

37:42 Adam He was diddling you when you woke up or when you came around. And that was the following morning.

37:49 Caller That was pretty early. It was about four or five. All right.

37:55 Adam Hold on a second. Andy Richter is a funny, funny guy.

38:01 Drew Can the audience hear what she said about playing? You can say that?

38:06 Adam Yeah.

38:06 Andy Richter You just can't say the F for the S word. You can't even say the F for the S word. You can't even say...

38:12 Caller Oh, wow.

38:13 Andy Richter It's crazy.

38:14 Adam Caught Andy's act that Caroline's a few months back got a really funny rape bit.

38:19 Caller I think...

38:19 Adam I call it non-consensual.

38:25 Drew Rape is an ugly word.

38:26 Adam That's far... Okay, don't do the whole act just yet. Andy Richter here. New York Minute. Drew's in that film, too. 724, 24, 725.

38:35 We'll take a quick break.

38:37 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Andy Richter is in studio tonight.

38:53 Andy Richter We ended that last second with a bunch of this quite a discourse on rape. I thought maybe you want to share your thoughts about rape with Andy.

39:00 Adam Oh, okay. Well, I should.

39:04 Drew I could just check your website.

39:05 Andy Richter No, no, no. It's important that he describe the connotation of all this.

39:10 Adam Rape is not a sexual crime. It's a violent crime. It's a violent assault. It has nothing to do with sex. It's a violent assault where you come at the end. You know, but it is no different than any other crime of violence. For instance, if I held up a liquor store, threatened a Korean owner, took all the money, and then came, it would be no different than me physically attacking a coach on another team. Sure. It was a little league, and I disagreed with the call, and you know, I orgasm, but it is an act of violence. Do not mistake it for a sexual act. It is a violent, brutal, violent act where, you know, you ejaculate. No different, Drew, than, for instance, a vehicular manslaughter. If I chased you down and ran your car, and, you know, came, it would be no different than that. Do you understand?

40:15 Andy Richter Got it. Eddie, you're on board with that? I get it. Nothing sexual at all.

40:22 Adam It's not sex.

40:24 Andy Richter Pure violence. It's violence only.

40:26 Drew It's pedophilia, then, I guess. They say it is sex.

40:30 Adam Oh, yeah, interesting.

40:30 Drew That's what they say, yeah. They, and by they, I mean, I mean, I don't know. All right.

40:43 Adam So, there we go. You got drunk. You fell asleep or passed out. You woke up. A guy was diddling you. And this was in the morning, but the early morning. And now, what were you, had you gone to sleep in the same bed with him?

41:05 Andy Richter Let me ask you a strange question.

41:07 Adam He crawled into bed.

41:08 Andy Richter It might seem a question. Have you had therapy before? Psychotherapy? Yeah. And were you, because that's where that trust is coming from that we're feeling. First you get the abuse thing and then, but I'm looking to you for help. You gave us a real specific feeling, Olivia, when you opened this call.

41:25 Caller Yeah. I've had my share of sexual abuse in the past.

41:29 Andy Richter Got it. We got it loud and clear. We also got loud and clear that you've had effective, really somewhat effective therapy.

41:34 Caller Yeah.

41:35 Andy Richter And so what we heard, what we felt, and this is going to sound kind of hocus-pocus.

41:39 Adam Well, that's just my own idea, Drew. You made me and Andy feel like we needed more coffee.

41:43 Andy Richter Did you agree with me when I brought it up?

41:45 Adam I did. You felt like somebody who had been abused and then someone had gotten help.

41:51 Andy Richter Right. What I felt was I felt the hostility and the setup and the victimization, but that you were coming to us with an open, trusting attitude to a certain degree in terms of trusting another person for help, and that was where the therapy has worked in the past. Unfortunately, you have once again found yourself into a victimized situation.

42:10 Caller I found this happen. I mean, I'm not sure. I had a question, but I'm not sure because I have had a lot of therapy before. And I mean, I want whatever I'm doing wrong, I want it to stop.

42:23 Andy Richter I think it's time to get back in therapy is what I'm going to say. Because I think you somehow decided to be a victim again, because the whole thing about getting drunk and getting down the guy's room and picking that guy to be asleep with, that was not an accident. I hate to put it on you. And not that the guy is not an a-hole and shouldn't be completely held accountable for what he did. The only way that you can change things, knowing what you've been through in the past, is to take care of those things that are going on eternally.

42:50 Adam And not to say that this guy is not an a-hole.

42:53 Andy Richter Absolutely. He is accountable for what he did. He is an a-hole. But she knows she's a victim. She sets these victimizing roles up. And here we are.

43:01 Adam Alright. So, Olivia.

43:04 Andy Richter And you trust that you have the ability to trust somebody. You have the ability. You've gotten effective help from people who wanted to help you. You've let that happen. You need to go to the next level with it. It's time to go back.

43:16 Caller I just wondered, should I, would it do any good at all to even bring this up to him?

43:23 Andy Richter To him? No.

43:24 Adam The guy who did it?

43:25 Andy Richter No, stay away from this guy. But if you want to tell authorities that you were sort of had a sexual assault, that would be hard to prove and hard to get anything out of that. But I certainly would have no problem with that.

43:36 Adam The guy, yeah, other than legal action, you should not spend time with him.

43:41 Andy Richter Just get away from him.

43:42 Adam Here's my other rape joke that Dr. Drew doesn't get or he doesn't like, but it always cracks me up.

43:50 Andy Richter This should be good.

43:51 Adam I got a thousand rape jokes.

43:55 Drew When you're done with yours, my wife has a good one. That she springs on mommy groups.

43:59 Adam I hope it's not one of my, you know, it's frustrating sometimes when someone says, yeah, my wife's got a good rape joke and then you hear it and it's like, hey, that was my rape joke. She must have, she stole my rape joke.

44:09 Drew Yeah, we all know that one.

44:10 Andy Richter Sure, she stole it from you.

44:12 Adam Alright, so here, it's not even a joke, but it's no good since hack went off the air. But I used to, I...

44:21 Drew That is so true about so much.

44:24 Adam I know, I used to, I would always amuse all the writers at Kimmel by saying, this week on hack, in order to catch an arsonist, hack is going to have to become a rapist. See, he always becomes a rapist, no matter where he is this week, it's embezzlement, it's fraud, it's everything. Hack always has to become a rapist in order to catch. That's the twist. I call it the rape twist. Drew, you want to speak to Pat? Alright, let's talk to Pat, who's 18. Pat? You're a big fan of Andy's?

45:00 Caller Yes.

45:00 Adam Alright, hurry, we're short on time. Hi, Pat.

45:03 Caller Alright, I also want to say that I saw the movie with Dr. Drew and Dolphine Twain and Andy, and I loved it. I gotta say.

45:15 Adam Andy's speaking Chinese.

45:17 Caller Yeah, yeah.

45:17 Andy Richter Chinese accent. Chinese accent. Who does speak Chinese?

45:20 Drew I do speak a little bit of Mandarin, yeah. So they tell me.

45:23 Adam What's up, Pat?

45:25 Caller Well, yeah, I just want to say my buddy Will and I went to see it, and we both drew a standing in ovation. Wow. There you go. See you, Adam. Yeah. And I want to ask Andy what we're from Future Project, Future Project, excuse me, that you're working on.

45:43 Drew Well, I did a show. I'm going to be doing a show. It's a show on Fox, another sitcom called, well, you know what? It'll either be called Quints or Quintuplets. I play the father of 15-year-old Quintuplets. I'm in a whole multiple birth thing, yeah, twins on the Quintuplets.

46:05 Adam That's a good idea.

46:06 Drew It debuts June 16th. It's part of the Fox summer launch that all of America is talking about. And that, you know, just the mention of is bringing people out of comas. And yeah, and it'll be on June 16th, Wednesdays at 830. It's a very funny show and I'm now officially old enough to be the father of teenagers in casting terms, which last year I wasn't. We have one year made all the difference.

46:33 Adam Hold on a second. We got to take ourselves a little break here.

46:36 Drew Oh, we do?

46:36 Adam Andy Richter's here and we'll talk and I'll heap a little praise on you for Andy Richter controls the universe too, by the way, which I really enjoy. We'll take a quick break. Andy Richter's here. We'll be right back after this. I'm Adam Carolla. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dear, dear, new friend, dear, friend, new friend, dear friend, Andy Richter, dear, dear. He's a dear friend of mine.

47:05 Drew Dear, dear, dear.

47:06 Adam Andy Richter in the studio tonight. And he's got a couple movies, a couple things. Got Seeing Other People, which is out in limited release, but got a good review. Then he's in Drew's movie, New York Minute, out in a wide release.

47:18 Drew Which is how people are referring to it as Drew's movie.

47:22 Andy Richter Of course.

47:23 Adam And then, middle of the summer, June 16th, got another chance on Fox, which is good, because Andy, you know, Andy had a sitcom that only lasted a season or two.

47:37 Drew It was two seasons, but it was mid-season, both seasons, which is sort of like a pat on the back and a punch in the gut at the same time.

47:44 Adam How many episodes of Andy Richter control?

47:46 Drew There are 19, but I think only 15 or 14 aired.

47:52 Andy Richter All right.

47:52 Adam So it felt to me like a season's worth of shows.

47:55 Drew Oh yeah, it's less than a season's worth.

47:58 Andy Richter Everybody I ever spoke to liked that show.

48:02 Adam Well, it's one of those, you know, here's what it would be the equivalent to. It'd be equivalent to you going up to the plate against Pedro Astacio or some fastballer, hit one that just missed a foul pole, went into the bleachers, would have been a grand slam, fouling a few off, taking a few and eventually striking out after very courageous at bat. You can hold your head up, walk back to the dugout, and as a matter of fact, probably score some points. I mean, it was almost too ambitious. It was almost too good for the public. Too good.

48:38 Drew No, it was, I don't see, I personally, I mean, if the show had been on and had been left on in a fair way, I would be more than willing to go, you know what, people just didn't really want to see it, but it was constantly being dicked around and like, you know, moved from one spot to another and taken off the air for a month and then put back on for three weeks, showing twice, twice a week and then taken off for two weeks and then put back on another night.

49:09 Adam Right.

49:09 Drew And it just, there's no way to build any kind of viewership like that and, you know, and I had, I mean, to me, what was evidence of the show being mishandled was, like you said, everybody seemed to really like it. I mean, I'm not saying like it was the greatest thing ever, but it was a pretty good show.

49:26 Adam What are they going to tell you?

49:27 Drew I know, that's true, because a lot of people, when they meet me, they think I'm retarded, and so they, just from the way I look, that's it, and they, I'm retarded, see? But I know that, but while it was on in the second season, I had people, a number of people say, when's your show coming back on? And it had been on for like two months. And then I had not as many, but yet, a few people say, while the show was still in the air in the second season, man, I'm so mad that your show got cancelled.

50:01 Adam Yeah.

50:02 Drew Oh, that's like a hot knife in your guts, you know?

50:06 Adam Right.

50:07 Drew It's not cancelled. So, but now I'm back with Fox.

50:11 Adam Well, you saw...

50:12 Drew Because there's been some management changes.

50:14 Adam You're not bitter. That's the important thing.

50:16 Drew I am a little bitter. I'm mad.

50:18 Adam That's right.

50:18 Drew No, I am a little bitter. Wouldn't you be bitter?

50:20 Adam Come on.

50:21 Drew Yes. Yes, I would be.

50:23 Adam No, you know what? I would be outraged. I would be outraged.

50:26 Andy Richter I'm just finding it ironic that the people that are as mad as Hell and Arc and Take anymore, the people are actually on TV. They're not yelling at the television hierarchy.

50:34 Drew Right.

50:34 Andy Richter Not at the public. It's like, okay.

50:37 Drew Well, the public, what can you do? You know.

50:40 Adam Very fickle.

50:41 Drew Yeah. I'll throw my pearls before those swine as long as I can till the day I die.

50:46 Adam The point is, is Andy Richter's a survivor and he lands on his feet, this kid.

50:50 Drew That's right.

50:51 Adam He's got another shot on Fox that cleaned the little house over there. And he's back in smell.

50:56 Drew That's right. And I've been to rehab, so they're letting me back on.

51:01 Adam That's right.

51:01 He's got more pills.

51:05 Adam I don't believe Andy's ever. Andy, have you ever thrown up because of alcohol? All right. Now we can hang.

51:12 Andy Richter I was thinking it was still a little bit of the yummy phase, weren't you? Yeah.

51:17 Adam I was thinking. I got this theory. They're adults. Here's it. I worked with many of them over here at the mother station for a number of years, the morning show, namely Kevin and Bean. And then their old producer, Frank, and a whole bunch of guys. And for instance, at 5.30 in the morning, I was the only one drinking a cup of coffee. They were drinking hot chocolate or Mountain Dew or something like that. And then one time we all went to Seattle and we went out to a nice fish joint. We're in, you know, the micro brew capital of the world. And they're ordering, you know, Fresca's and Sprites. And I'm the only one getting the micro brew kind of thing.

51:57 Drew And probably ordering like burgers at the awesome fish place too, you know.

52:02 Andy Richter Real cheese.

52:02 Adam Right, real cheese. And then I realized, okay, everybody, every child is born into the yummy phase. I mean, every kid, kids don't like beer. They don't like cigars. They don't like whiskey. They don't like Poon Tang. They don't. Although, we're not sure. Because I'm going to figure, I'm going to get the bottom of it, like my kid. But the point is, is they don't like these things because they don't really taste good. I mean, a beer does not taste good. It tastes like a beer. And so if they have their choice, well, they're not going to eat a smoked salmon and caviar and a cigar. They're going to, you're going to eat a grilled cheese with a lot of ketchup on it, Lucky Charms, and Mr. Pibb. And once in a while, you meet an adult who still seems to be trapped in the yummy phase. Absolutely. Now, somewhere along the line, like in your teens, peer pressure sets in, you're forced to drink the Mickey's Big Mouth in the park until you puke with your buddies, or suck up a Winston cigarette or something. You learn this sort of, you learn these things. Now, I don't think they ever really taste good, like whiskey, and even like red wine and stuff. It doesn't taste good. It just tastes like red wine. It tastes like whiskey. A woman tastes like a woman. And these, these are, you learn to appreciate them. The guys in the yummy phase, they get trapped in it. They take it to the grave.

53:20 Drew But I also think... Is that not you? No, that is not me at all. No. I have very grown up taste. He's gone, he's gone.

53:28 Caller The other way.

53:29 Drew They're sort of like, so grown up, it's kind of creepy.

53:31 Caller Really?

53:33 Drew The muskier the better. You know what I'm saying?

53:36 Adam Your baby don't shower. You just got back... Wait a minute. Go to spinning class, then die, and then we'll talk.

53:49 Drew And then we'll talk, and then we're not. Yeah. You get my trunk, and then we'll talk. Oh, come on. You started it. That's how you're the guys. Let's, you know, let's walk down here. All right. You want to walk down here? Let's walk down here. Damn it.

54:07 Andy Richter No.

54:08 Drew But I actually do think, though, that the taste buds evolve.

54:11 Caller I agree with you. I think that's neurological.

54:13 Andy Richter Yeah.

54:13 Drew I think that the taste buds evolve.

54:15 Andy Richter I think they actually kind of burn out a little bit. I think we are programmed to want fatty and sweet food because we need the calories to grow. And as we mature, those mechanisms, deteriorate, go away, change, alter, configure to something more discriminating.

54:28 Drew Yeah. And that or just something like you appreciate sour and bitter and, you know, like there's something sort of chemical and structural that goes on.

54:36 Andy Richter I don't, I actually don't think you learn that so much as it's sort of part of maturing biologically.

54:40 Drew Because I think if you raised people to adulthood on an island and only gave them kid food and then brought them back to society, those adults would like coffee pretty quickly.

54:51 Andy Richter I agree.

54:52 Drew Most of those, and there was ones that liked that yummy crap, would like that yummy crap. You know what I mean?

54:57 Adam So you're saying, but from, so you crave the fats, you crave the starches, you crave the sugars when you're young, you crave it, and then later on, it shuts off, you start turning on whiskey and hooker nipple.

55:10 Drew My older brother is a total, my older brother, because he's had health problems, he's three years older than me, and he just had gallbladder issues and stuff, and so the way he's. Adjusted himself, like his diet, he's overweight, but he's also a gigantic person, he's like six foot five and he's a really big man, but the way he's adjusted is that he'll only get three candy bars a day, you know, and honestly I cannot remember the last time, it's been probably twenty years since I bought a candy bar. But I mean, like, after Halloween, there will be the minis around, and I might have one. It's not like I would be above it, but. Never would I go to the gas station and get a candy. I go to the gas station, I hang out at the gas station all the time. I have to? Now? All right.

56:18 Adam Well, wait for the break.

56:19 Drew No, no, I've, I, yeah.

56:22 Adam Sure.

56:22 Drew Sure.

56:23 Adam No.

56:23 Andy Richter I come all the way around Andy. Andy's, every fraternity house has an Andy.

56:27 Adam Yeah.

56:29 Drew See, that people think they put me in the frat thing, but.

56:32 Adam No.

56:32 Drew Oh, no. No, no, no. No, no, no.

56:34 Adam What'd you do?

56:35 Drew The frat houses are loaded with.

56:38 Adam What?

56:38 Drew Can I say dicks?

56:40 Adam Yeah.

56:40 Drew Okay.

56:41 Adam I think.

56:41 Drew Dicks. Yeah.

56:42 Adam You don't like that.

56:43 Drew I do not like that. I do not like, uh.

56:46 Andy Richter Would you, could you?

56:47 Adam Yeah.

56:47 Drew I actually was, I, it's actually sort of like what, probably my darkest secret, you know, there's the, the homo stuff, but then the other darkest secret is, uh, no, is, is I was a member of a fraternity.

56:59 Caller You were.

56:59 Andy Richter Yeah.

57:00 Drew Uh, at, uh, I started out at University of Illinois in Champaign or Banna, yeah, and I went and I, I joined a fraternity because I was from a small town and I thought, well, if I want to have a social life and U of I is like, chokingly Greek, you know, like UK, yeah, it's like one of the, at the time it was like, a fairly academic school, too. It's a pretty good school. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's, I went there because it was cheap and I had pretty good grades and I couldn't afford Northwestern.

57:28 Caller And, and I, so I thought, I'll join if we've seen Northern Illinois State.

57:32 Adam Yeah.

57:32 Drew Northern Illinois, it's just, no, Northern Illinois, and DeKalb. Yes. Yeah.

57:36 Adam We've been there twice.

57:37 Drew That's part of this. Yeah. That's part of the, why'd you go, you had to go back? Was it Cindy Crawford days? You know, she's from there.

57:43 Andy Richter Cindy Barbwire and Cindy Crawford.

57:45 Adam Yeah. I had to, I had to point out much of the dismay of the large crowd that, yes, Cindy Crawford may have been born here, but she got her ass out as soon as she could walk. I mean, she, she took off immediately. I think that's all you have to know, because-

58:00 Andy Richter The town sort of ejected her.

58:01 Adam Yeah, well, the thing is, is it shouldn't be where you're born. Anyone can be born anyway. It's where you end up, and she was smart enough at 13 to hit Milan and get the hell out of there. Yeah.

58:23 Drew Because there were- it was very much like what I feel like is happening in this country. Because I sort of ended up hanging with the Stoners, and the Stoners were really kind of cool, but they couldn't be bothered to like- Have a life? No, to hold offices of power within the house. So it was all these other guys that when you made fun of the fact that it was like some sort of- all the rituals and stuff were just like crypto-fascist BS from some goofy Baptist from 112 years ago, and said like, no this is really- that's stupid, all that stuff. And they get really mad at you. That's- that's- you know, it was sort of like- but those guys were the only ones who would run for office, so they would set the rules, I know, and now they're all- they're all, you know, apologizing for photos and videos.

59:15 Adam those guys haven't had shows canceled on Fox. No way.

59:18 Drew What does that mean?

59:19 Adam I'm just-

59:20 Drew You're just fishing. You're just fishing. You don't even know what that is.

59:24 Adam No, it was- it was- it was a subtle dig. It was bad. I'm lashing out.

59:30 Andy Richter I'm sorry. He's never had a show on Fox alone canceled.

59:33 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

59:35 Adam All right. Now, let's get back to the phones. But let me say this. You feel this way sort of about politicians like this sort of Dan Quayles and even the George Bushes and many others in office. You get the feeling, you know, when they were 19, they were that stupid fraternity guy who was, you know, making everyone go by the pledge book and all that kind of stuff. Didn't seem to be very creative, didn't seem to be very smart, but yet seemed to sort of power forward despite their own inadequacies, emotionally and intellectually. All right. Amanda?

1:00:06 Andy Richter Amanda feels much better now.

1:00:08 Adam Thank you. Oh, you know what I wanted to mention before Drew coming off is DeKalb also invented a barbed wire.

1:00:13 Andy Richter Yeah.

1:00:13 Adam That's a big claim to fame. Which, again.

1:00:16 Andy Richter They have a museum there.

1:00:16 Adam I had to point it out to them that that was no big, big kicks either. Wire and barbs both existed. You guys just, you know, put them together.

1:00:24 Andy Richter Barbs.

1:00:25 Drew Yeah, but the barb industry was really struggling until they finally put it with wire. Oh, there's barbs all over the place here.

1:00:34 Adam Yeah, but the people that got in on the ground floor of the barb industry are laughing pretty good now, Andy.

1:00:40 Andy Richter Where do you think barbie came from?

1:00:42 Drew Yeah. Oh.

1:00:43 Andy Richter Now Mr. Smart.

1:00:44 Adam Amanda?

1:00:45 Uh-huh.

1:00:46 Adam You're 22?

1:00:47 Caller Yep.

1:00:48 Caller What's up?

1:00:50 Caller Okay, so I have a little bit of a problem. I kind of have gotten in trouble sleeping around with different people. I had a boyfriend for about three years, a while ago. More recently, I dated a guy for a couple of months and we were still friends. We still talk. We kind of broke it off while he's getting divorced. And his problem is that he thinks that because that was my past, that if we were to get back together, he thinks I'll keep, you know...

1:01:23 Andy Richter Let me get this straight. He was somebody you were cheating with?

1:01:28 Caller No, well, he was already getting... He was in the process of getting a divorce when I met him.

1:01:33 Andy Richter No, I understand that he was cheating, but were you also cheating?

1:01:37 Adam You never cheated on him?

1:01:39 Caller Not on him.

1:01:40 Andy Richter Or you never used him to cheat on someone else?

1:01:43 Caller Yeah, when we met, he asked me all kinds of questions about my past and had a really big interest in everyone that I had been with. He wanted to know, which is understandable. I mean, I think it goes both ways.

1:01:54 Andy Richter It is, but it isn't. We generally believe that people shouldn't freak each other out with that. On the other hand, from your standpoint, you should understand, unless you do some significant work on yourself, history does predict future.

1:02:06 Caller Oh, absolutely. Well, and then the thing is, this is what happened. Like he knew that, like when I was first talking to him, before we were officially dating, I was kind of seeing someone else at the same time. And it bothered him.

1:02:18 Andy Richter That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. He expects that you will do to him what you have done to other boyfriends.

1:02:24 Adam Yeah, and what he did to you.

1:02:26 Andy Richter And what he did. And you should expect the same thing because he cheated on somebody too.

1:02:29 Adam Sort of.

1:02:30 Caller Yeah, well, I think with his wife, like, he never loved her.

1:02:33 Andy Richter Now, I don't want to say that. They all say that when they're divorced.

1:02:37 Adam Yeah.

1:02:37 Caller I don't know. I mean, and that's what he tells me now. But it was really his suggestion. He told me, well, you need to call Dr. Drew and figure out what the heck's wrong with you.

1:02:44 Adam OK, well, hold on, hold on. How many times have you done this?

1:02:48 Caller Well, OK, so I dated a guy for three years and he was the first person I slept with. Since then, I've slept with seven other people.

1:02:55 Andy Richter And that was the only one.

1:02:56 Adam I know, but I'm asking how many times you cheated on one of them.

1:03:00 Caller I haven't. Like, I cheated on my boyfriend of three years once. All right.

1:03:05 Drew These guys are making you feel bad.

1:03:08 Andy Richter Hold on, let's clarify even further. Is that cheating episode, was that at the end of that relationship?

1:03:14 Caller Um, it was already complicated than that. Like, I knew he was going to be leaving. He had to do like this church religious mission thing. And so I knew a long time before he was going to be leaving. And I think that was hard for me to handle. I don't know for sure, but it was towards the end of the three years.

1:03:33 Adam All right, all right. So here's what's going on. The guy is an older guy. He's, she's 22. He's doing a little mind control thing on her. I don't like this guy that much. I like the idea that he said to talk to Dr. Drew.

1:03:46 Andy Richter You like that, huh?

1:03:47 Adam For some reason. That's the best thing.

1:03:48 Andy Richter That's what you like about him best.

1:03:50 Drew That's the only thing he's got going for.

1:03:52 Andy Richter Even that's kind of manipulative. Because he knows you that you'd respond possibly to that.

1:03:56 Adam Maybe I'm playing into his hand.

1:03:57 Andy Richter Exactly.

1:03:58 Adam Amanda, how old is this guy?

1:04:00 Caller He's actually going to be 23.

1:04:02 Adam So he's a young guy and his marriage didn't last very long.

1:04:06 Caller Well, yeah. And like I said, he married the woman he married. It was because of like...

1:04:13 Andy Richter I don't care.

1:04:14 Adam Here's what it is. This guy's 23. When you're 23, you ask all those horrible questions. You become some sort of some sort of bizarre stenographer of this person's past. And they want to know everything. And then as soon as you collect all that information, you then start using it against them. And you end up confusing the person because it's like it's done in a way where I just want that to happen to me. And it's all BS.

1:04:37 Andy Richter It's not even that. It's really just that male bravado. It's just the testosterone is making them angry that this is territory where other males have been.

1:04:45 Drew You were cheating on him before you even knew it.

1:04:48 Andy Richter Exactly. That is the effective... It's this affect state therein. It's all BS.

1:04:53 Adam Right. So here's what I think women, by the way, because this happens to almost every young woman when she hooks up with a 19 or 22-year-old guy or something. Here's the tack they should take, not only for them but for the guys. Because you have to treat guys like you're treating a pet or a child. They need boundaries. They need to be contained. The pet needs to go in the crate. Otherwise, it's going to run all over the house. Crap everywhere. Crap everywhere. Same with the kid, by the way. Do they have crates for them? Oh, yeah. Because otherwise you can't transport them, can you?

1:05:21 Andy Richter They have to be in a box.

1:05:22 Adam Okay.

1:05:22 Andy Richter They're called boxes for kids.

1:05:24 Adam So, here's the thing. I go and punch holes in the top of the mason jar. Oh, okay. So, here's the thing. You need to say to them, look, I'm not a virgin, neither are you, I love you, you love me, let's move forward. I have no diseases and I have no problem.

1:05:40 Andy Richter Right. Even clear in this, look, I haven't done anything unusual for somebody my age.

1:05:43 Adam Right.

1:05:44 Andy Richter I've had other relationships. You can count on me to be monogamous. This one, that's my intention. Nobody's perfect. Let's get on with it.

1:05:50 Drew Yeah, but first, you need to tell yourself you haven't done anything wrong.

1:05:55 Caller Because I think he's happened.

1:05:57 Drew Yeah, but no. But I mean, yeah, but you know what? Life is, you know, people do a lot of stuff and, you know, you probably, I'm assuming you never killed anybody or that, you know, that you were never cruel to anybody. Right. But, you know, stuff happens and if this guy is making you feel bad, and first of all, I don't like the fact that he's snooping around preemptively. We're more worried about him.

1:06:21 Andy Richter Yeah, we're more worried about him than we are about her.

1:06:23 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:06:23 Andy Richter Although, we're completely capitulating to the fact that he referred her to us.

1:06:28 Drew No, but I do think too that, like, if he's making you feel bad about, what does not sound to me, like from the little bit of information, does not sound like an unusual... Like you have anything to feel bad about whatsoever. We agree. That you should, next time this happens, say, get out.

1:06:50 Adam Andy just showed a coast into a stop.

1:06:54 Drew I don't know. I realize it tires me out. It's late.

1:06:58 Adam It's Sunday night.

1:06:59 Drew Come on.

1:06:59 Andy Richter Father's Day.

1:07:00 Adam Let's go.

1:07:00 Andy Richter New York Minute.

1:07:01 Adam Let me jump in.

1:07:02 Andy Richter Everybody go see it.

1:07:03 Adam Let me get a little time. It's 722.22 every 7 o'clock. Andy Richter in studio tonight, coasting to a stop, New York Minute coming out. Coasting to a stop, not a bad name for a sitcom.

1:07:13 Drew Coasting to a stop. That really sounds like something.

1:07:17 Andy Richter Yeah.

1:07:18 Adam You want to see that? Check it out.

1:07:22 Andy Richter Amanda, I hope that helped out. But it's not, it's, your boyfriend is right. You are freaking out a little bit. But we are also concerned about him.

1:07:27 Adam We're too much talking about him.

1:07:28 Andy Richter He's being a jerk.

1:07:29 Adam All right. Let me just check in with Anthony before we go to break. Anthony? Hey, how are you guys doing?

1:07:34 Andy Richter How's the weather in Arcadia, Anthony?

1:08:38 Adam Year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before the year before And in the 7-Eleven Bean Burrito business.

1:08:59 Andy Richter And as we've been hearing since our childhood, Adam, 60 million children go to bed hungry in our country every night.

1:09:07 Adam That's right.

1:09:07 Andy Richter And hunger is a huge problem. We've been hearing nothing but that and second-hand smoke since we were 12.

1:09:11 Adam Right. Yeah, which is it? Yeah. Well, they're hungry and morbidly obese at the same time.

1:09:15 Drew And smoking.

1:09:16 Adam And smoking. Actually, there's a smoker blowing second-hand smoke at that. We're going to take a quick break. Andy Richter here tonight.

1:09:23 Drew Well, maybe.

1:09:24 Adam Talk to you. No, he's got a second win. He was close in a little bit.

1:09:29 Drew He's back.

1:09:29 Adam He's a dear friend.

1:09:30 Drew I didn't have anything more to say.

1:09:32 Andy Richter No, it's all right.

1:09:33 Drew I just realized I don't care about anyone's problems but my own. I know it's a problem when a show like this, but you had me come back.

1:09:41 Adam No, we did.

1:09:41 Drew We did.

1:09:43 Adam Andy clearly didn't want to come tonight. I was surprised to see him here, quite honestly. I really was. When I came through the door at 9.58 and a half.

1:09:53 Drew I do what I say, except when I forget.

1:09:55 Adam That's right. All right.

1:09:56 Drew Dear, dear friend, Andy, you there?

1:09:58 Adam No, and you know what? We got to go break. I'd like to at least attempt to hang out with you a little bit. Just not now, not for a few years, but just because you're on my short list of cool people to hang out with. You know, like I was saying, yeah, me and Richter, we bowl a little bit. We should play some cards. Yeah, yeah.

1:10:19 Drew We went to Splash, got a tub, got a tub, you know.

1:10:20 Adam You're very, you're very high, you're regarded very highly in the industry.

1:10:24 Andy Richter Oh, thank you for the hangout.

1:10:26 Adam Yeah, for the hangout factor. Alright, we'll take a quick break, and can you introduce me to Odenkirk too, by the way? Do you want to meet him? He's on my list. Oh, I've got to. I've seen him with Richter and Odenkirk, me and him, we're just kicking around some ideas.

1:10:39 Drew Wow, I didn't realize there'd be drop-ins.

1:10:41 Adam Take a quick break, we'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LEVE-191. Dear friend, I like to hang out with Andy Richter is here tonight.

1:11:08 Drew Thank you.

1:11:10 Adam Me and Richter and Odenkirk and Chappelle were hanging out this weekend.

1:11:16 Andy Richter You are cool, Adam. You are so cool.

1:11:19 Drew Sure.

1:11:19 Adam We don't talk about the business. We don't like to talk about the business.

1:11:24 Drew And Hitler's clone was there too.

1:11:27 Adam He apologized. He did. A lot. He didn't say as many words, but you could tell by his posture.

1:11:34 Drew Right. By the heel clicking, it didn't have the snap that it should have.

1:11:39 Adam No. Yeah. You know, like once in a while, you see a dog's tail wagging, but it's a please don't hit me wag. I'm happy to see it. Yeah, the click, not as Chris. And harder to do with a clog, by the way, than the boots.

1:11:58 Drew Yeah, that's why there's no hippie Hitlers.

1:12:01 Adam That's right, because you take Birkenstocks and you try to do the click, and it's just swayed on suede. It doesn't work.

1:12:07 Andy Richter What do you do about those high boots?

1:12:09 Adam Yeah, up to the knee. Anthony?

1:12:13 Andy Richter Anthony's the secret binger. So you want to know how to stop this?

1:12:17 Andy Richter Yeah, because it's a terrible cycle.

1:12:21 Andy Richter Are you overweight now?

1:12:23 Andy Richter Actually, I've lost 120 pounds. I'm about at 200, but I can tell that... You're coming back. I had the willpower. I was walking during the days, exercising and all that.

1:12:36 Andy Richter All right, got it. There's two things, a couple things. First of all, not everything is known about this kind of syndrome. It's not as though we can give you real discreet answers for why you do the things you do. But there are things like the way you eat sort of sets up some of this biology of compulsive eating, that you take these high-fat, high-carbohydrate foods late in the day, raises your insulin levels, drops your sugar, so you have more hunger. You can even get kind of an addictive syndrome with carbohydrates. Some people get that, and then when they stop, they have to actually go through a withdrawal and put their diet into a much more balanced routine. And so part of what you could do is see a dietitian. Secondly, they're probably some sort of motivational priority of your brain set up by your emotional problems that's causing you to seek solutions through food. Seeking some therapy. It's something you can do.

1:13:28 Adam What about them being a bad person?

1:13:30 Andy Richter And them being a bad person, too. And then thirdly, the other thing, Anthony, do you remember when you lost 120 pounds, how you got to that point where you finally were willing to make the change and lose the weight?

1:13:38 Andy Richter Yeah, it was like, um, one of the motivational things were like, I was watching at a, um, I was at a wild-on thing, on D.

1:13:47 Adam They say Dr. Phil, because Drew got through the roof. Yeah.

1:13:51 Andy Richter And wild-on, yeah?

1:13:52 Adam Yeah.

1:13:52 Andy Richter Yeah, and I was like, man, I want to go to one of those beaches, you know.

1:13:55 Andy Richter And how did you feel about yourself at that moment not being able to go to the beach?

1:13:59 Andy Richter Well, I was depressed, you know. I was like, man, you know.

1:14:02 Andy Richter Did you have any other stronger feelings about yourself at that time? Did you have any stronger feelings than just depression about yourself that you sort of when you saw yourself as you were?

1:14:10 Andy Richter Well, yeah, but I've actually thought about taking my life, you know, a few times.

1:14:13 Andy Richter I'm not really sufficient for that.

1:14:16 Adam I saw that Wild On thing last night actually just reminded me to beat off. I couldn't actually beat off to it, but it was like a heads up. It was like, oh, yeah.

1:14:26 Drew That's right.

1:14:28 Adam Don't forget, it's really like a beat off post-it Wild On. It's just stuck, you know, like a refrigerator magnet. You know, like, this isn't exactly the whole message, but this is going to remind me not to forget.

1:14:40 Drew See, the meat department at Ralph's is like that for me.

1:14:42 Adam For you, you see that chub pack of ground beef and you think, oh, yeah. Especially when they form it in that circle. You know, they do the doughnut shape.

1:14:52 Drew Why, of course, why else would they?

1:14:54 Adam Reminds you of the dead hooker.

1:14:57 Andy Richter So here's the idea. One of the things I've been doing some interviews lately on people who are able to make change, and the one thing that every single person has said to me, they talked about this last week, was that when they get to the point where they can see themselves as they really are, they will feel disgust. At the point at which they feel disgust, they have no problem making change. So really it becomes about getting to the point where you can see yourself as you really are and staying with that. And if you can't, then that's time for therapy.

1:15:24 Adam I can't figure this whole thing out. Like I was talking to a friend of mine who was just explaining to me that when he grew up, there was a drawer in the kitchen just filled with candy bars. And his mom said, you know, eat as much as you want. I guess the theory was to get rid of the little taboo around it. And the kid ends up not having much of a sweet tooth. On the other hand, that might backfire too. And on the other hand, me being deprived of that, being fed oat mush my whole life, that crappy, I should sue both my parents. If I thought they had a penny, I would sue both of them, by the way. The only thing my dad's got is that car I lease him, by the way. It's the only thing that guy's worth. But the point is, I eat all that crappy brand and everything, all that health food crap, just made me crave the other stuff more. So that's not a good route to go. So what's the route? Balance? Moderation?

1:16:15 Drew I bet you got an awesome colon note, dude.

1:16:19 Adam Oh, it's great.

1:16:19 Drew You gotta give him credit for that.

1:16:21 Andy Richter His bowel movements are great.

1:16:23 Adam They come out, they're like spun sugar. They just and they're cubed.

1:16:28 Caller Check it out.

1:16:30 Drew Check it out.

1:16:30 Adam Yeah.

1:16:31 Drew corollabm.com.

1:16:32 Adam Yeah. I let like an Aztec pyramid go in the toilet the other day. You're climbing it using a rope. Step pyramid.

1:16:39 Drew Kapunk.

1:16:40 Caller Step pyramid.

1:16:44 Adam I did have a messy session the other day and my wife walked in the bathroom rather than like two days. I've been about a day later, looked down the toilet. She's like, Oh my God, what happened here? And it's like, what do you mean, what happened? I went around the neighborhood and collected crap. I took a dump. What do you mean, what happened?

1:17:07 Drew I don't need that. My wife will walk in sometimes too. And she's like, Oh my God, it's horrible. What did you think would happen?

1:17:16 Adam My asshole is open and fecal matter is extruding through it.

1:17:22 Drew If it smelled like warm, fresh baked apple pie, wouldn't that be more alarming?

1:17:28 Andy Richter It would.

1:17:30 Adam Who's baking Bialy's? Wow. That would be alarming?

1:17:35 Drew That smells homey.

1:17:37 Adam It's not like they step down in your basement lab where you're trying to create a new fragrance. They went like, oh, no, this is not an all over body splash. Andy, no.

1:17:47 Caller No, they walked into the head.

1:17:49 Drew Right.

1:17:49 Andy Richter Exactly.

1:17:50 Adam What do they think is going on? And then the toilet's a disaster too. And it's like, well, what went on?

1:17:56 Caller Wait, what went on?

1:17:59 Andy Richter Take a look.

1:18:00 Adam The whole fact that we're talking about it means you know what went on. If it was nothing, we couldn't see anything.

1:18:05 Drew Sure.

1:18:05 Adam It's not clown makeup on. If there's clown makeup inside the bowl, that's a what went on.

1:18:11 Caller A CJ clown, a lesson.

1:18:12 Drew Yeah, a bunch of sequins.

1:18:14 Caller Yeah, a bunch of sequins in like grease paint.

1:18:17 Drew Sequins and feathers? What?

1:18:18 Caller What went on here?

1:18:19 Drew Did you eat a drag queen?

1:18:21 Adam Right, but just the circle of Duke that involved the toy. I think we know what went on. Alright. Alright, just everybody with the questions. Yeah. Wives got to come in. They act like they don't... Look. Here's the thing. We don't want to know what's going on with them in the bathroom. And imagine, by the way, their version of our big dumps is their tampons in their periods. And you don't see us like going through the trash can. Hey, what's this? What's going on here? What happened here?

1:18:52 Caller I'm just going to opt out of this one because...

1:18:56 Adam No, no.

1:18:57 Caller No, I'm fine.

1:18:59 Drew No, I'm fine.

1:19:00 Caller No, I...

1:19:01 Drew All of that stuff. Actually, my wife and I had a... We actually had a point in which our... in the development of our child, where my wife... There has always... there's never been closed doors at our house. And my wife decided all of a sudden, like, she got prudish for the kids' sake. You know, like...

1:19:18 Andy Richter Boundaries are poor.

1:19:19 Drew Yeah, like, you know, like, the door should be shut. And I was like, oh, come on. If we were in Sweden, you know...

1:19:25 Andy Richter I know, even in Sweden.

1:19:26 Drew Yeah, we'd be nude around the dinner table, you know. But no, I mean, we still kind of... You know, when he... there are boundaries, but I still feel like it's... I'm not going to all of a sudden change everything, because that feels pretentious and fake anyway.

1:19:39 Adam Right. He masturbates while running in place in the living room at noon. And if we got damn few minutes, change that schedule.

1:19:47 Drew I've got, yeah, my workouts stay the same. You know?

1:19:51 Adam That's right. That's right. Maniac playing in the background, Andy and leg warmers.

1:19:57 Drew Yeah, a burlap mitten.

1:19:59 Adam And going at it. That's right.

1:20:01 Andy Richter That's good for children to see, by the way.

1:20:03 Adam Let's see.

1:20:05 Drew Try and prove it's bad.

1:20:06 Andy Richter You're trying to.

1:20:07 Adam We're going to see it eventually, Drew. Why not see it now?

1:20:09 Caller That's right.

1:20:11 Adam Emily? Yeah. What's happening, baby doll?

1:20:17 Caller Well, I'm on the phone.

1:20:21 Adam Special Ed.

1:20:34 Caller I want to go to Hawaii!

1:20:39 Andy Richter Emily, I'm confused by your question. She said you take a pregnancy test. That's how you know you're pregnant.

1:20:45 Caller But then, otherwise, because I don't know if the pill didn't work or something.

1:20:49 Andy Richter You won't bleed. You shouldn't bleed if you're continuing to take the pill and you're pregnant.

1:20:56 Caller You know, I don't get my period when I'm on the pill.

1:20:59 Andy Richter But you normally don't get your period on the pill.

1:21:01 Adam Well, she says on a continuous.

1:21:03 Andy Richter I see. I beg your pardon.

1:21:04 Adam I take the sugar pill.

1:21:05 Andy Richter Got it. And so you wouldn't know if you were pregnant or not. If you're taking the pill properly, the probability of pregnancy is remote. Very unlikely. And if you have a question about you feel pregnant, you worry about it, take a pregnancy test.

1:21:18 Caller I mean, I'm not really worried.

1:21:22 Andy Richter That's the file we're talking about. She doesn't bleed every month. She doesn't skip that week of pills.

1:21:27 Adam And you know what? Her boyfriend doesn't bust her chops on that.

1:21:30 Andy Richter He's okay with that?

1:21:32 Adam I'm just saying. You know what I'm saying?

1:21:34 Andy Richter I know what you're saying.

1:21:34 Adam I know when things are sacred. I want to get out of there.

1:21:37 Andy Richter And that's a very reasonable way to take your birth control pill. There are packets now sold three, four, six months at a time where women can go on without having a menstrual period. There's no reason you have to have a menstrual period from a health standpoint.

1:21:47 Drew It's your blood.

1:21:48 Andy Richter You keep it. And that being the case, it makes it more difficult to sort of alert you to whether or not there's a pregnancy and you have to take a pregnancy test, which are widely available now.

1:22:02 Drew Or you could always check with a psychic. That's right.

1:22:06 Adam Yeah, I don't know. Is it just me? Maybe after things like 9-11 and major earthquakes and things when psychics don't really pipe up, they lose a little credibility or something.

1:22:17 Andy Richter People are not as interested, I find, during real disasters and war.

1:22:21 Adam Yeah.

1:22:22 Andy Richter When we have things to focus our attention on.

1:22:27 Adam I haven't heard about psychics too much.

1:22:29 Drew I have a problem with psychics all the time and it would be because they're hucksters and liars. That would be pretty much my...

1:22:40 Adam I'm the same way. The way the... Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. We had psychics on the show. I used to get in huge arguments with them all the time. They would... Here's... I won't tell you how they work. I'll tell Andy off the air. He knows how they work. Remember my cat Norman? Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay. We're gonna... No. I can't leave the audience hanging that way. Here's how psychics work. I told them my cat Norman died and she said yeah...

1:23:10 Andy Richter Ten minutes later then.

1:23:11 Adam Norman. Ten minutes later she said there was somebody named Norman that was important in your life. Grandfather or whatever. I said no. She was fishing. And the point is she did the math which is who has a cat named Norman that's not named after an uncle? Norman. Right. Sure. Who randomly names their cat Norman? I knew no one named Norman. There was no one in my family named Norman. And she kept... You know, here's what they do. And this is where we got in that huge uncomfortable argument where she would say just think about it. And I would say no. I'm done thinking about it. I don't have anyone named Norman. Okay, but give it some thought because I'll bet you...

1:23:45 Drew A Norman Fell, maybe?

1:23:47 Adam Mr. Roper, perhaps? We'll take a... But it's a smart move. Who the hell names her cat Norman? I'll tell you, someone with an idiot sister like that.

1:23:56 Andy Richter Well, by the way, you leave it... Psychologically, you leave it with he's going to figure out who I'm talking about. And so the audience can figure out... His resistance right now is such a...

1:24:06 Adam He's got his guard up. He's got a sanity guard up. We'll take a quick break. Andy Richter here tonight. We'll be right back after this. That's Dr. Drew. Andy Richter's here.

1:24:22 Drew Yes, I am.

1:24:23 Adam What's happening, brother, man?

1:24:25 Drew Oh, you know, radio, advice, sorting a lot of stuff out for people.

1:24:31 Andy Richter What are you guys going to be hanging?

1:24:33 Adam Well, me, Andy, Odenkirk, Chappelle and Bruce. Bruce? Lenny Bruce. Yeah. Good people.

1:24:47 Drew Brucie, that's what they call him.

1:24:49 Adam Yeah, we'll be chilling. We'll probably be down at like Luna Park or something. Don't ask us to perform.

1:24:57 Drew I thought we'd go ride the train in Griffith Park.

1:25:00 Adam We'll be doing our own thing, whatever it is.

1:25:02 Drew And just laughing.

1:25:03 Adam And we won't be talking about the industry, but we'll be laughing. You know what I mean? We're going to hang out.

1:25:10 Drew We'll hold hands and then run around in a circle. Pull really hard on the hands and do that whole spinning around thing.

1:25:17 Adam And then I'll become that annoying guy who knows everyone's routine so that every time somebody says something like I was at a four-way stop sign, why do they... Odenkirk does that same. Does it great. Have you seen Odenkirk's four-way stop sign bit? It's like, all right. Every idea you have, everything you bring up, they're like, yeah, yeah. Have you seen Chappelle do that bit? It's great. It's a lot funnier than yours. You think this is your idea? No. No, it's not. Do you know any of those guys?

1:25:51 Drew That's like a stand-up comedy disease. Like the guys that like every... Like you can't have conversations and say something funny without it being sort of quantified and made into some kind of product.

1:26:04 Adam Yeah, Schimmel does that. Yeah, that Schimmel's bit. That part where you bang your wife. Schimmel does a good bit on that.

1:26:12 Drew I was really just sharing.

1:26:15 Andy Richter Amber? 23?

1:26:18 Caller Andy, I love you.

1:26:21 Drew Thank you. Oh, thanks very much.

1:26:25 Andy Richter Did she just let the F-bomb go there?

1:26:27 Adam She said freaking. That bit where you're driving and being silent, that Schimmel's bit, too. We're not talking. Yeah, he does that bit. Amber?

1:26:38 Andy Richter Here we go.

1:26:40 Caller I was wondering if my boyfriend ejaculated. He had a condom on and then the erection didn't go down. So we just waited a while and then he was able to get going again and he ejaculated again and I was just wondering what the chances are of sperm getting out of the condom.

1:27:00 Andy Richter I like the way the erection is sort of out there. The erection was sort of some other concept from the boyfriend. Well, the erection didn't go down. Here's the deal, Amber. That is typically how a condom fails, in fact. That's how you get a condom to slip off. People pull on that kind of thing. And also there can be some leakage around the base. It's hard to keep a condom on through all that, especially when there's extra...

1:27:25 Adam That's a passionate man, too, by the way.

1:27:28 Andy Richter It's a good move.

1:27:29 Adam And by the way, the condom, after your orgasm...

1:27:31 Drew He sounds to me like he's young.

1:27:33 Caller That's what he sounds like.

1:27:36 Adam Because to me, the condom coming off after you have the orgasm, it's like you were diving, you were underwater for an hour and you pop up, you just want to rip off that mask. You're now wearing the mask into the hotel. It's like up the beach, into your room.

1:27:54 Caller Flippers still on.

1:27:57 Drew All the way through the lobby.

1:27:59 Adam But yet, the idea of stewing in your own juices feels a little weird to me.

1:28:06 Andy Richter A passionate man cannot be bothered when he's on a mission.

1:28:11 Adam Isn't the reservoir sort of have the turkey gobbler effect?

1:28:15 Andy Richter No, because he's not ever soft.

1:28:18 He's always filming it out.

1:28:19 Andy Richter He doesn't care.

1:28:21 Adam All right.

1:28:24 Drew All I can say is he's a weak ejaculator because all I know is those things shoot right off of me.

1:28:29 Andy Richter There's no way it could... It's going to slip off.

1:28:34 Adam You know in the movies where they hit the gas depot and the 55-gallon drums of jet fuel they just go rocket into the air in slow motion? That's what it looks like when Richter has an orgasm. No doubt about it.

1:28:51 Andy Richter So what's that Amber?

1:28:52 Caller I was just wondering how we'd be able to keep the erection and like if we did take off the condom and put a new one on you know what I mean?

1:29:05 Adam Well, here's the thing.

1:29:06 Andy Richter He'll keep the erection. This is the kind of guy that will not have a problem keeping the erection.

1:29:10 Adam And don't look at it as sort of one erection and look at it as there might you know even if this one goes away there'll be another one soon to follow. You won't be able to tell the difference.

1:29:20 Drew For the next few years.

1:29:21 Adam Yeah, I mean I've lost a few of my favorites over the years.

1:29:23 Andy Richter Did you call it the same bone or different jizz?

1:29:25 Adam Yeah, that is really the same, yeah. Yeah, well that is what he did. Yeah, that is the male multiple orgasm. Same bone or new jizz. Right. Right, thank you.

1:29:41 Andy Richter Got anything to note?

1:29:43 Adam We are going to talk about that for the fifth part. Alright, let's talk to Joshua's 26. Joshua?

1:29:52 Caller Yes.

1:29:53 Adam What's happening?

1:29:54 Caller Alright, here it is. This is actually for Andy.

1:30:01 Adam Go.

1:30:01 Drew I'm listening. Go.

1:30:02 Andy Richter We have 40 seconds.

1:30:06 Caller I'm a very habitual pot smoker.

1:30:08 Drew Right.

1:30:08 Caller And not too long ago, I was at a company party where a few of my friends who I see sort of outside of work and myself engaged in some pot smoking.

1:30:19 Drew Right.

1:30:20 Caller And people who were kind of higher up saw what we were doing.

1:30:24 Caller Right.

1:30:25 Caller They didn't have a real bad reaction at the time. It was just kind of like, okay, we know what you're doing over there.

1:30:30 Caller Right.

1:30:30 Caller Every time I go to work now, I'm kind of faced with that. And it really scares me. I don't know really if it's going to be something brought up.

1:30:38 Andy Richter What kind of work do you do?

1:30:40 Adam Works at Arby's.

1:30:40 Caller 26.

1:30:42 Drew No, what kind of work do you do?

1:30:43 Caller I'm in a software company.

1:30:45 Drew Right. Come on, there's other stoners in a software company.

1:30:48 Adam Everyone is a software stoner.

1:30:50 Caller Well, absolutely. I mean, I know there's other people that do it, but we just haven't, you know, had the...

1:30:56 Adam What's the issue? Here's the situation with work. Be good at what you do. Show up on time. Don't be disheveled and it will go away. And by the way, here's the thing. All you good employees, you really got nothing to worry about. You can do whatever you want. You just show up and be productive and start creating and take care of business. You'll have a job. Right. Thank you. All right. We'll take a break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline, and that's the show. I want to thank Andy Richter for coming out here tonight. I really did not expect to see Andy tonight.

1:31:35 Andy Richter Really?

1:31:36 Adam Why?

1:31:36 Andy Richter He said he'd be here?

1:31:37 Drew Well, how dare you? Because I forgot.

1:31:40 Adam Because he's a liar.

1:31:41 Andy Richter He's retarded.

1:31:42 Adam He's a backstabber. I forgot I'm retarded. He's mentally challenged. Andy Richter, everyone. Seeing other people. And New York Minute, all in theaters as we speak.

1:31:52 Andy Richter Cinematic Trials.

1:31:53 Adam Both of them.

1:31:54 Drew And Quintuplets, June 16th, Wednesday.

1:31:58 Adam That's right. All right.

1:32:00 Drew Check it out.

1:32:00 Adam God bless you, Andy. We'll be hanging out. All right.

1:32:04 Drew Absolutely. We're going right now. Going to the clubs.

1:32:08 Adam Yeah, we're going to do some clubbing, Drew, yeah?

1:32:09 Andy Richter Yeah, I'll come with you guys.

1:32:11 Adam So until next time.

1:32:12 Andy Richter I'd be cool, too, then, huh? No.

1:32:13 Adam Until next time. Is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo?

1:32:17 I'm retarded. This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, May 9, 2004