Episode 1000611972031

1:08 Adam Oh, I thought this show would never start, Drew.

1:10 Drew Yeah, you were waiting around here for quite some time.

1:12 Adam He-he-he-he-he. Yeah, Jay Mohr here, everybody.

1:17 How did I, how did you beat me here?

1:21 Adam You know, I was good to see you, Jay. It was just moments ago I was on the freeway, so I don't know how I beat you here.

1:28 Coming in from the Inland Empire? No. In your estate?

1:31 Adam No, I was coming in from, yes, one of my homes, but not in the Inland Empire. Julianne Nicholson is also here. She stars opposite Jay in seeing other people.

1:43 I'm not a bad looking girl.

1:44 Adam Not at all.

1:45 I'm going to be honest with you.

1:46 Adam And it says here, by the way, that Julianne won the Best Actress Award at the US. Comedy Arts Festival for a role in this movie, Drew. So here's the thing. The movie has to be at least good. Because if the movie sucks, they don't give you the best awards. Once in a while, you can be an MVP type player on a sub 500 team, but not very often.

2:13 Caller But we were up against like home movies from Toronto. Yeah. It was like people's home movie. Some guy videotaped like ants. Some like, you know, John Fashante shooting up with ants.

2:23 Oh, stop it.

2:24 Adam It is. It is.

2:27 Caller Drew is judging me.

2:28 Adam I'm just wondering, it's a scary time that if everyone has a three chip camera these days, it just seems like I don't know how many movies are being made now, as opposed to how many movies were being made 30 years ago, but it has to just be tenfold, right?

2:43 Caller We're on E right now.

2:45 Adam We don't even know it. True.

2:48 Drew Yeah.

2:49 Adam We never knew it before either.

2:50 Drew We were on E?

2:50 Adam Are we only here on E when Jay Mohr is here?

2:53 Drew No, it was a constant documentary.

2:55 Adam Jesus Christ. I've been scratching my ass like a madman during the play.

2:59 Caller It's a good career move. Get on the radio. Don't say anything.

3:04 There's no air there for me yet. I'm waiting for my big moment. I'm diving in.

3:09 Adam She's picking her spot.

3:10 I just like to listen to Jay.

3:11 Adam All right, so does the movie hits the theaters that would be this Friday? I'm sorry. There's going to be some competition at the box office because Dr. Drew has a movie where he plays the father of the Olsen twins called The New York Minute, which is also hitting the theaters this Friday. So it's a tough choice.

3:32 Caller Nice job, Drew. Did you have to go in and audition and everything? They just offered it to you? Those little who has got some real power, huh?

3:41 Adam Yeah, they got juice.

3:43 Drew Juice, juice.

3:44 Adam I was like, who doesn't? I saw, I don't know why I saw them in the back of a magazine doing a milk ad, and I always find it disturbing with that milky upper lip. It's bizarre when it's on Patrick Ewing, but it becomes deviant and sexual when it's on the Olsen twins.

4:02 Caller How about the chocolate milk one?

4:04 Adam Yeah, that one's a little freaky too.

4:06 Caller I haven't seen that one. Well, you can imagine it. It's like a dirty Sanchez. I don't know what you just said. Yeah, I should listen more and talk once.

4:15 Adam Drew, help me out with the dirty Sanchez singer.

4:19 Caller All right, we'll get to it.

4:20 Drew OK, from Jay, start to sound more and more like Christopher Walken all the time.

4:24 Caller He's from Queens and from Jersey. So it's like, I think I changed that name to Jasper.

4:32 Adam Jasper Giles, that's you.

4:34 Caller I know about a big pig woman with the jug. That's that's me doing Christopher Walken at Chuck E. Cheese. Jasper Giles is the name of the dog.

4:43 Adam That's that was from his show, right?

4:46 Caller The big pig woman with the jug. Julianne Nicholson in your ass.

4:54 Adam Oh, I'm looking I'm looking down the line of credits on this movie here. Jonathan Davis, our dear friend from Korn is in this movie.

5:02 Drew Really? No kidding.

5:04 Adam And Lauren Graham. Drew, you're not shocked by that.

5:07 Caller You're stunned. We just talked about it in Stryker Studio five minutes ago.

5:12 Drew Stryker was talking.

5:13 Caller I was returning all my IMs.

5:15 Adam So true. Yeah.

5:16 Drew So I know Jonathan did film.

5:18 Adam Well, you didn't.

5:19 Drew He's going to freak out when he sees me in a film.

5:22 Adam Lauren Graham, who's the hottie from Gilmore Girls, right, is also in this.

5:28 Drew Julianne's sister and Andy Richter, who blew us off last week and we'll be seeing on Sunday.

5:35 Adam That's right. Who's in Drew's movie. It's a strange little, little incestuous circle here. Yes, Drew.

5:43 Drew Then I'm seeing Lisa Durgan is coming up. Isn't she was she on one of your shows, sports shows?

5:49 Caller That's not she's on best in sports.

5:50 Adam OK, Drew, wait, wait to kill it. Wait to kill it.

5:53 Drew We need to go take some calls.

5:54 Adam We had a nice thing going.

5:55 Caller I was like, what is he looking at? I was like, she's in the other room.

5:58 Adam That nice little we had a nice little roll going. We had a nice little flow going. And then you just killed it.

6:02 Caller What award did you win? I'll do this. What award did you win, Julianne? What was it called?

6:07 Guest I think it was the best actress award.

6:11 Caller Really?

6:11 Guest Yeah.

6:11 Caller And where was that?

6:12 Guest That was at the Aspen Comedy Festival.

6:14 Caller So you must be really funny in this film, seeing other people that opens tomorrow on 14 screens and on three Viewmasters.

6:20 Adam Oh, a few masters. When is that? Oh, last comic standing, by the way, second season.

6:25 Caller Do you have a website, Julianne?

6:27 Guest Not that I'm aware of.

6:28 Caller No, you don't.

6:28 Adam You don't? Where can we find you? Where else can we see you?

6:32 Guest I just did a movie called Little Black Book with Brittany Murphy and Holly Hunter and Kathy Bates. It will be out in the fall.

6:38 Caller I read for that and they told me I was too old. And then they gave it to that prick who's older than me. Who?

6:44 Guest Ron Livingston.

6:46 Caller Ron Livingston.

6:47 Adam That prick.

6:48 Caller They're like, you know what? She's like a 22 year old kid and you're 33. And I'm like, Ron Livingston is 35. Just tell me I stink. I can handle it. I'm a big boy.

6:57 Adam Yes.

6:58 Caller Jasper Jowles. Andy Richter is retarded. It's a stupid thing to do.

7:08 Adam Let's let's get to the phones. Now, where's the movie going? Is it wide release or is it an LA. New York thing?

7:15 Caller It's literally like LA. New York, Chicago and down. It's 14 screens.

7:18 Drew Great reviews.

7:19 Caller Like 12 of them are here.

7:20 Adam Great reviews. And Drew, what about this Olsen twins thing? So yeah, that's kind of an art house thing.

7:28 Drew Going wide.

7:28 Adam Wide release. OK.

7:30 Caller Are they normal?

7:31 Adam Taking a chance on the kids.

7:33 Caller Be honest, Drew. They don't listen to this.

7:35 Guest There's a picture of her like the Inquirer today where she's skin and bones. That's the quote. Is this true?

7:41 Drew Mary Kate's skinny, but I but he knew which one you meant. But I didn't know what you're talking about. But listen, I saw no evidence of problems. They were I I'm kidding. Not kidding you guys. They were delightful to deal with.

7:52 Guest I saw one of them in the restroom at Barney's and I couldn't take my eyes off in the restroom. Yeah.

7:56 Drew I beg your pardon.

7:58 Guest Oh, no.

7:59 Adam Barney's.

8:00 Guest I don't want to talk.

8:01 Adam Barney the dinosaur Barney at the New York.

8:07 Caller She had a party at Barney's and she went into his bathroom to do blow with Baby Bop.

8:12 Adam Julianne, you shop at Barney's of New York?

8:15 Guest I've been there once and it just so happened that Mary Kate was there. It was a fantastic day for me.

8:20 Caller Julianne's real earthy. She lives in Venice, gets around on her bicycle. She's totally...

8:24 Adam What's she doing at Barney's?

8:26 Caller That to her was like...

8:28 Drew She has to keep up.

8:29 Caller I'm telling you, she probably went in to look at some kind of belt.

8:33 Adam I went to Barney's.

8:34 Caller She's the coolest gal you've ever met.

8:36 Adam We used to get a gift certificate to Barney's each year from the producers of Loveline, the TV show.

8:40 Caller Self-absorbed.

8:41 Adam I'm listening. I'm listening.

8:42 Caller I know.

8:44 Adam Yeah, both. I knew both. This year, self-absorbed. This one's illicit. Now, the middle one's a speaker. Yeah, yeah. We'll work that out later. But the point is, I went in there to hit a $1000 gift certificate. The guy's wearing a bomber jacket. The guy, I need a bomber, like a nice leather jacket. Oh, yeah. It's $4,700. They have jackets that are well into the fives over there. They have, yeah, it's nutty cuckoo prices. Do you just look around or what do you do?

9:15 Guest I buy my skincare products there.

9:18 Caller Why?

9:18 Guest Thank you for asking.

9:19 Caller Why there?

9:20 Guest Because it's one of the only places they sell them.

9:22 Caller And what product is that? You might get a nice commercial out of this.

9:26 Guest Sundari.

9:26 Caller Sundari?

9:28 Adam Does it have any placenta or semen or anything weird in it?

9:34 Guest I don't know.

9:34 Caller You hope so?

9:35 Guest I hope so.

9:36 Drew I'm feeling very bad for Julianne all of a sudden. I got it.

9:41 Guest I'm all.

9:42 Caller This is this. What's this? Like De Niro said in the Dear Hunter. What's this? This is this.

9:48 Adam It's great radio. Lena?

9:53 Guest Let your minds wander.

9:55 Adam What's happening?

9:55 Drew Lena's 22.

9:58 I was calling because I had sex the first time when I was 16 and then with my boyfriend and then I decided to not have sex again because I just wasn't ready for that.

10:09 Caller So I didn't have sex until I was 22.

10:11 Drew And let me share a follow this. You had it once when you were 16, once again and then nothing until 22.

10:16 No, no. I had sex like a few times with my boyfriend when I was 16 and then I stopped and then I met somebody and we got along really well and so like I had sex with him and this was last time we had sex was six weeks ago and since then I haven't been able to masturbate at all, at all.

10:36 Caller Like you can't reach, you're not able to or?

10:38 I can't.

10:39 Adam Vagina slid down her leg.

10:40 Drew You mean you can't orgasm with masturbation. And before having had sex you were able to.

10:45 Yeah, I had a great self-pleasuring time.

10:49 Adam Well, I mean, you had six years of you time until this penis came in and ruined your world.

10:56 Drew Broke all the furniture.

10:57 Adam You had six years of going at yourself, right?

11:01 Yeah, but now I can't do it at all.

11:04 Drew You had sex for the first time with this guy?

11:07 What do you mean?

11:07 Adam No, no, she had sex.

11:09 Caller Drew, get a glove and get in the game.

11:11 Drew I'm going to follow in that.

11:12 Caller She had sex at 16, then stopped until she was 22.

11:15 Drew She met this guy.

11:16 Caller Now this guy, she had sex with him when she was 22 years old.

11:19 Drew One time?

11:19 Adam No.

11:20 Guest No, she's just, she's having sex with this guy and then she goes to flick the bean and it's not working out.

11:28 Drew How often are you having sex with him?

11:30 It wasn't for that long. It was like three weeks, like two, three times a week.

11:35 Drew The way she talks, I can't follow her. You did it for three weeks, two or three times a week? And when did that stop? And since then, and why haven't you been with him across that six-week interval?

11:55 Caller The way it didn't work out between you is exactly the emotional block in your frontal lobe that's keeping you from letting go and having an orgasm with your own fingers. Did he make you feel dirty or something? What happened? Right, Drew?

12:07 Drew Close.

12:08 Caller Close, right? I'm not a doctor, but I'm a hypochondriac.

12:12 Drew It's close. I didn't know that about you until this visit, the hypochondriac, the hypochondriac.

12:15 Caller I'm nuts.

12:16 Adam Something's definitely up with Liam, though.

12:18 Caller You're leaving something out. He did something dirty. Did he dirty you up?

12:21 Drew No, here's the deal. Do you miss the guy?

12:23 Adam Remember that chocolate milk commercial we were talking about?

12:25 Drew Are you glad it didn't work out?

12:28 I'm the one who broke it off because we were going in different places.

12:33 Guest Did you have orgasms with him?

12:37 Adam Well, that's promising.

12:38 Caller Do you know who just said that?

12:39 Drew Do you know what she's starring in this weekend?

12:45 Guest I was just curious about that.

12:46 Caller I would really like to examine what do you mean by different directions?

12:51 Yeah.

12:53 Different directions what?

12:55 Caller Be honest.

12:55 Drew What's the deal? What happened?

12:56 Caller You're anonymous on the radio. Just come on. Break it down now.

12:59 Well, I mean, it was mainly just talk to that. It wasn't really about anything else. I mean, we liked each other.

13:07 Caller Why? What was it? You're not telling us.

13:10 He was living and he was living somewhere else, so.

13:13 Caller So it was literally logistically, you're going in different directions.

13:16 Yeah. No, we were.

13:18 Adam He was going North East and she was heading.

13:20 Drew Southwest.

13:20 I just wasn't, you know, I didn't want to just have sex for him.

13:26 Adam All right. Listen, Lena, we're almost out of time. You have serious issues.

13:30 Drew No, I don't know that.

13:31 Adam Yes. She took six years off of sex. She diddled herself constantly for six years.

13:36 Drew Might be a sane thing to do.

13:38 Adam There's issues.

13:39 Caller No, I don't have issues.

13:40 I just decided that I saw a lot of things with my friends. I saw a lot of things.

13:44 Drew Yeah, I'm defending this one.

13:45 Adam I'm not the one who's defending it because you have a young daughter who you're scared to death is going on a sexual rampage in mere moments.

13:53 Drew No.

13:53 Adam And you're freaked out and you think, okay, as a dad, you're loving the sound of your daughter closing up shop and not coming back for six whole years. But shutting down sexually at 16 and not picking it up again until you've graduated from college theoretically is a long dormant period and it does suggest there's an underlying emotional problem. Thank you. And not a hypochondriac. As a matter of fact, a little of that would be good for me.

14:17 Caller Why don't you talk about Absinthe for 45 minutes and put me to sleep again?

14:21 Drew Marilyn Manson.

14:22 Caller Oh my God. It was the worst show I ever heard.

14:24 Adam Well, the guy was high.

14:26 Caller Who cares?

14:27 Adam You know, he showed up and he said, he said, Adam, I bought you a gift. I said, what? And he said, Absinthe. I said, well, what is this stuff? So that's this beautiful wine. Well, thank you. He said, here, let me show you how you drink. I drank the whole. He drank my gift. I should have got him like a corndog and took like three big bites and handed them. There you go. There you go. Marilyn. That's my gift to you.

14:47 Caller Is this girl off the air now? She was dull.

14:52 Drew Tough.

14:52 Adam Don't worry. We're going to edit this whole thing down to like a tight 17 minutes. It's going to clean up real nice sports.

15:00 Drew At least he needs to know Jay suffers way more than he makes you suffer.

15:03 Adam He thinks everything's the last comic stand. He's going to fault me off at the end of the show. Ralphie Mae is going to take over Sunday.

15:10 Caller Ralphie Mae just had the surgery.

15:12 Adam Oh, he did.

15:12 Caller And his lip staples shut.

15:15 Adam He's a big boy. That's all.

15:17 Caller No, he lost a lot of weight. I know. He lost like a hundred pounds.

15:21 Adam He doesn't want to be known as the fat comic, but isn't that sort of his essence?

15:25 Caller How do you know that?

15:26 Adam Listen, I make the scene too, buddy. I don't just sit. I don't tunnel out of the station. I got connections. I know people. I can get in over at Kimmel. Everyone want to see a show over at Kimmel? I'll get you in.

15:37 Drew I'm doing it tomorrow, as a matter of fact.

15:39 Adam You want to see it, though?

15:40 Drew I'm doing it. I'd love to see it. Can I see it too?

15:42 Adam I can get you in. You can see it. Staple his stomach?

15:45 Drew But here's the deal. Listen, I've been doing some research lately. I'm preparing for... Jay's got a good book coming out about his experiences at Saturday Night Live having panic attacks. There was a show on Loveline one time when I had a panic attack. Oh, TV show. You need a partner like this. I go, excuse me, I got to take a break. I walked off the set and walked into my dressing room and Adam burst in the door and goes, God damn it. If I have to spend one more second here, then I absolutely have to. I'm going to kick your ass. Don't get out there and finish that show.

16:14 Adam And what happened?

16:15 Drew I...

16:16 Adam You got back out there and you finished that show.

16:19 Drew I broke it down.

16:19 Caller Are you hurt or injured?

16:21 Adam That's right. Rub some dirt on it.

16:24 You will negotiate my obstacle.

16:26 Adam That's right. But Drew, sometimes isn't that a good thing?

16:30 Drew I was sat there staring like a deer in the headlights.

16:32 Caller Panic is irrational.

16:33 Drew Yeah, they can't function.

16:35 Caller It's like telling somebody with bronchitis not to cough.

16:37 Adam Yeah, but here's what I'm saying.

16:39 Caller Julianne Nicholson, by the way, best actress at the US. Comedy Festival for Seeing Other People that opens tomorrow.

16:44 Adam There's a buzz around this studio. If I came in and said, look, take all the time you need. Can I get you anything? It would have gone on for another hour.

16:54 Drew No, no. I needed another good 15, 20 minutes.

16:56 Adam You felt like hell.

16:57 Caller You needed to crap.

16:58 Adam You felt like hell inside.

16:59 Drew That's what I was thinking.

17:00 Caller You did, mate.

17:01 Drew I needed to catch my breath, basically.

17:02 Adam You felt like hell inside, but on stage, could not tell.

17:05 Drew You were fine. I felt like I couldn't talk. I couldn't get my thoughts together.

17:09 Adam Well, that's a better show.

17:10 Drew As a matter of fact, Drew.

17:14 Caller Which female guest host was on the show that two days ago?

17:20 Drew It was Diane Farrow, but it was Jon Favreau. I almost had a fight with him.

17:23 Adam Yeah. Jon? Let me tell you something about that.

17:26 Drew Jon Favreau?

17:27 Adam Yeah. Oh, no. That was Rocky Marciano. Oh, you're right. But close. The thing is, Jon Favreau is one of these guys that you think is a cool guy, but he's not as great as everyone thinks.

17:41 Drew Well, he likes to mix it up a little bit.

17:42 Adam He likes to mix it up. But let me tell you something, Drew is like the dog in a movie, the hot chick's dog, where the guy comes over from work, the s'marmy guy, and he says, yeah, I'll help you start up your new computer. And the dog starts growling, and she's like, Chipper, what are you doing? Stop that. What do you know? Leave him alone. I'm sorry. He never does that to anybody. But the dog knows. You know what I mean? Later on, this guy's going to try to drug her and rape her. The dog knows. Listen to me.

18:12 Drew I'm the dog. I'm the dog.

18:14 Adam Drew's the dog.

18:15 Guest Are you the dog?

18:16 Caller He's the dog. What you got to do with almost fighting John Favreau?

18:23 Adam I was saying, I eat it now, smart guy. I said, everyone says, Drew, leave John Favreau alone. He's a good guy. I can't believe you have a problem with the guy. He's a great guy. But later on, turns out maybe the dog was right.

18:36 Caller What was your problem with Favreau?

18:38 Drew He was telling some, we had one call that really shouldn't have been on the air. And he was a very, very mentally ill person. And I was like saying, look, just take your meds, talk to our doctor. Let's get this. Favreau goes, hey, you don't do anything you don't want to do. And the guy's like contemplating hurting people and himself. And he's psychotic. I'm like, hey, hey, you don't know who you're talking about. He's like, you doctors, you think you know. I'm like, this is really dangerous.

19:00 Adam I wrote swingers. I can do whatever I want.

19:03 Caller Chopped him in the Adam's apple, brother. That's the move.

19:06 Drew This is from Jay Mohr.

19:08 Adam Hi, this is John Favreau.

19:11 Caller He sounded really gay. Play that again.

19:13 Drew Kissed and made up.

19:14 Caller Play that again. Perfect. Hold on to the CD. Was that me?

19:20 Adam He's got to re-cue.

19:21 Caller Julianne does it with her mind. It's features on the others.

19:23 Adam Hi, this is John Favreau and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

19:28 Caller Now give me a milk mustache. Give me my own snowball back.

19:33 Adam We got a question for Jay.

19:35 We got a question for Jay.

19:36 Caller Julianne Nicholson, best actress.

19:38 Drew Duncan, 17 for Jay. How's it going? Adam?

19:40 Caller What's up, brother?

19:41 You're a funny man, Drew. You're awesome. Anderson, you're truly a genius. Jay, we got a question for you.

19:48 What comics did you look up to at a young age?

19:52 Caller Richard Pryor, George Carlin and Dennis Miller.

19:56 I bet you get asked that a lot.

19:57 Caller For very different reasons. Yeah. You got any sexual problems? Not really. Talk to you later.

20:05 Nothing going on that far.

20:07 Caller That's the problem. Nothing's going on. You got to get out there and hustle, brother. Where do you live? Olympia, Washington?

20:13 Adam Yeah. He's 17.

20:17 Caller Just walk around. Tell Trix you got sunshine.

20:19 Adam You know what? You know what I, you know what I like about comics is.

20:25 Caller See, Julianne's laughing. I don't care what happens.

20:27 Guest I have sunshine. I'm in.

20:29 Caller Yeah. Hey, I got sunshine, girl.

20:31 Adam I like comics. You know, if you ask, if you ask guys in bands who their influences were, they're always so pretentious and they pick a bunch of names you've never heard of.

20:40 Caller I'll be in a band. This is my impression of every guy in a band. Ask me the question. This is, this is the first syllable every time.

20:46 Adam Who were some of your influences musically? Right.

20:50 Caller It's always that like self-masturbatory. Yeah. Let me get my reading glasses.

20:55 Drew Let's get you more, more. How'd you come up with the name? Well.

20:59 Caller Right?

21:00 Adam Next question. No, but here's, here's what they, here's what they do. Whenever you ask a band member, like who your influences were, they give you a bunch of names and they're always old black blues guys, peek-a-boo Jackson, peek-a-boo Jackson. And you're always like, oh, yeah, he's cool because you don't want to sound like an idiot because you never heard of, they'll never go like, you know, rush and sticks.

21:21 Caller Yeah.

21:22 Adam It's always like a bunch of old blues guys, they particularly pick guys you haven't heard of, so they sound much smarter than you are.

21:29 Caller The coolest one I ever heard was on that Jane's Addiction Soul Kiss. It's pretty bad, but there's a great scene where some old lady asked Perry Farrell, like, what kind of music do you do? And he said, we're kind of a cross between Duke Ellington and Bad Brains.

21:43 You got to love a kid for trying.

21:45 Caller I thought, yeah.

21:45 Drew That's good.

21:47 Caller It's perfect, too. And the guy, and then the old man goes, what the hell is a bad brain? But Perry Farrell is not in seeing other people that opens tomorrow on 16 screens.

21:55 Adam That's right.

21:56 Caller With Julianne Nicholson, the star of the movie.

21:59 Best ad person award.

22:00 Caller I do full frontal nudity in this movie.

22:01 Adam Do you?

22:02 No.

22:03 Caller I did, and I cut it out.

22:04 Adam Really?

22:04 Drew It was too disturbing.

22:05 Guest It's there. It's implied.

22:07 Caller It is implied.

22:07 Guest And you get a lot of butt.

22:09 Caller You saw it.

22:09 Guest I saw it.

22:10 Caller All right.

22:11 Guest I averted my eyes.

22:12 Caller Poor Julianne.

22:14 Drew Method acting. She was into it.

22:15 Caller There's a lot of my butt in this movie.

22:17 Adam But Jay is considered one of the better looking comedians working.

22:21 Caller It's between Louie Anderson and me.

22:23 Little Louie?

22:25 Adam Little Louie.

22:26 Caller He says hi.

22:27 Adam I mean, not a lot of competition in the looks department.

22:30 I like to consider myself a looker. Oh, to be a Nogasaki way, the women shoot a bucky and the men say, whoa, wacky, whoa. Dr. Drew.

22:42 Adam Buddy Hackett on Golden Pond. Let's take a break.

22:49 Oh.

22:49 Adam Jay Mohr here tonight. Julianne Nicholson also here tonight. Seeing other people. Old name of the movie coming out this weekend tomorrow. That is tomorrow, Friday.

22:58 Caller Also, Drew doesn't need any help with those two chicks, those two automatron bots walking around.

23:03 Adam That's right. All right. One of them.

23:06 Caller But right now, everyone, seriously, on amazon.com, preorder gasping for airtime.

23:12 Adam Oh, you can preorder your.

23:13 Caller Oh, hell, this is big leagues, brother. Hyperion.

23:16 Adam When's it out?

23:17 Caller June 9th.

23:18 Adam All right.

23:18 Drew A month. It's good.

23:19 Caller Julianne Nicholson's hot and fantastic and sexy. So while during the break, go to IMDb.

23:26 Adam Yeah, look, she doesn't have a website. Right.

23:28 Caller And I fell in love with her.

23:30 Adam We're going to take a little break. True. Drew's going to IMDb right now, and we'll be right back after this.

23:44 Caller As many as one in three Americans with HIV don't know it, to find a testing location near you, call toll free, 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

23:56 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, it's Dr. Drew, phone number, 1-800-L-B-E-1-9-1, Julianne Nicholson is here tonight, Jay Mohr, seeing other people, is the name of the movie. Jay Mohr is like some 50s character, he sees everyone in the hall. Hey, kid, looking good. What's your name again, kid?

24:12 Caller Hi, baby.

24:12 Adam Yeah, here's a quarter, looking good, keep up the good work. Chris, hey buddy, nice job on the board, looking good, looking sharp. Alright.

24:19 Caller That's how it goes, man.

24:20 Adam Can you get these shoes polished for me?

24:22 Caller Hey, now go get your shine box, Chris, huh?

24:24 Adam You want a nip? You want a nip? Yeah, you're good, okay.

24:27 Caller Hey, hey, hey, hey, Lauren, cute kid, you're adorable, keep it up. But that's what, I'm nice to people?

24:32 Adam No, it's good.

24:33 Caller Everyone thinks I'm a jerk.

24:34 Adam No, no, it just comes across as... It's sincere. Yeah, now how does the panic...

24:39 Caller It does not come across. Ask Lauren right now and ask Chris if they think I'll be... I pat him on the back and he's just walking by for no reason.

24:44 Adam He gave him a cracker, he'd pat him on the head like Benny Hill would do the little...

24:47 Drew What are you, Mexican?

24:48 Caller Yeah, you gotta be nice to them.

24:50 Drew They'll rise up.

24:50 Caller You gotta be nice to the Mexicans.

24:53 They'll rise up.

24:55 Caller Yo, dude, that's messed up.

24:56 Adam Scratch themselves and be back for another nap, don't worry. Now tell me... Yeah, they'll rise up. All right, now look, hold on, Jay. I want to talk about your panic disorder because Drew... Yeah, I want to let people know that if the Dr. Drews of the world and the Jay Mohrs of the world can have panic disorder...

25:14 Caller Then they should buy my book.

25:15 Adam Then they should buy Drew's book.

25:16 Caller And I'll come back before the book comes out and we can do a whole thing about it. As opposed to taking away from the Julianne Nicholson times.

25:23 Adam Give us a panic disorder story. Saturday Night Live.

25:27 Drew You're on SNL.

25:28 Caller It's irrational.

25:28 Drew Camera's rolling.

25:30 Caller I was not in any sketches for like the fifth week in a row and I sat in my dressing room and Roseanne was the host and I sat and I positioned my chair in my dressing room so that it was directly under the TV that hangs from the ceiling so that if it fell, I would be killed.

25:42 Drew And why was he panicking?

25:45 Caller No, it's just most depressed ever. And then as I just after sketch after sketch and like the sketches suck, you know, sometimes. And then I just sat there and I thought, I can't catch my breath. And then all of a sudden I thought, oh my God, I can't catch my breath. And I have to crap and throw up and everything on the inside of me has to be on the inside of me. And then I have I'm leaving like I'm dying. And I ran all the way to the hospital on Second Avenue.

26:10 Adam Now, the thing I find interesting about it is you didn't have a sketch that night.

26:15 Drew He's depressed.

26:16 Adam I understand. But my instinct would be he's doing a sketch at the end of the night and the panic attack kicks in.

26:23 Caller No, but see, that's I'm in show business, I'm a comic. So that's when everything's working out. That's stimulus response. The stimulus is you hand in a sketch, you write it, he doesn't have the stuff to focus on. He gets the panic. For me, it was all lack of structure.

26:35 Adam It feels like depression. It seems a weird place for the panic to come in.

26:39 Drew Well, depression, mine was all depression.

26:41 Adam It was.

26:41 Drew Oh, depression is a good cause for panic and generalized anxiety, both.

26:45 Adam Really?

26:46 Caller But panic isn't as bad as panic is the worst thing in the world because it's so irrational, like nothing causes it.

26:51 Adam Right. So your heart just starts.

26:53 Drew No, you're dying.

26:54 Caller You are absolutely dying. Someone's pushing it. You ever like if you push in on your Adam's apple, it's like that feeling all the time and you have to crap.

27:03 Drew And then every person somatically feels it differently. But in the brain, it's a discharge that's completely dysregulated.

27:10 Caller I've been doing an adrenaline.

27:12 Drew Imagine you just jumped off the Titanic, middle of the ocean, you're starting to get sucked down.

27:16 Adam Right. That's that's it.

27:17 Caller That like I have to fight to get out of this world.

27:18 Drew You're just sitting there.

27:19 Adam Right.

27:20 Drew And so you can't if you at least you could be physically active.

27:22 Caller You just had a movie watching the screen and all of a sudden, pow, the car's on fire and your seatbelt won't come loose.

27:27 Adam Well, I I've never had one. But I picture it like kind of like Fred Sanford when he would say he's coming with us.

27:33 Drew But some people it's that way for me. I for me, it felt like I was either having a seizure or going crazy because your mind races out of control.

27:39 Adam You feel like it's completely what is the best move? Let's say you can't get to a hospital. Did you actually went to a hospital?

27:44 Caller I ran to the hospital and I always thought I was going to pass out, too, which is weird because you don't pass out in your heart races. You pass when it drops.

27:50 Drew People get the feeling they're going to pass out. Well, you can hyperventilate till you pass out.

27:54 Caller I ran home and I my roommate had Valium and I never taken Valium before. I called my dad and mom because my mom's a nurse and my dad doesn't know it all. I said, if I take this Valium, what will happen? My dad's like, let me look it up in the PED. What is it called? The PDR. It says here it cures anxiety.

28:12 Adam Go ahead.

28:12 Caller I was like, cope. I just sat in the bathtub for a little while in water that unfortunately was not deep enough to drown me.

28:20 Adam I can't believe you called your dad to do some drugs though.

28:25 Caller No, because I'm a bit of a pillow-phobe so I didn't want to take something in case I was allergic to it.

28:29 Adam All right, all right. So you called your dad, he said, cool. So you took the valium.

28:31 Caller And I took it and then feeling normal became absolutely euphoric. Oh, yeah. And one of the chapters of the book is nothing is as beautiful as having things the way they were. Yeah. And just being normal and having normal fear and pissed off-ness, pestivity. And then I went back to the show and I was just absolutely euphoric and I was just telling everyone I had a panic attack.

28:51 Adam You went back the next day or then?

28:53 Caller No, that night. It was like in the middle of a show. And then Sarah Silverman said, oh, that's a panic attack. You have to go see my doctor, Noelle Taylor. She saved my life. Go ahead. And then I left a message and the doctor called me back and said she could see me first thing Monday. So then I only had to get through Sunday. And then she said, you just have a real basic panic disorder. It's how many panic attacks have you had? I said I had about three.

29:16 Drew But you were depressed, too. Did you treat the depression?

29:17 Caller No, I didn't. I never had depression, really.

29:20 Drew You sat on TV waiting for it to fall on your head.

29:22 Caller It's this place, but that's that's appropriate depression. That's I'm not working at the place. I'm supposed situational depression. That's not like I wake up depressed. I'm happy all the time. Julianne Nicholson, best actress of Piper, the people.

29:35 Adam Yeah.

29:35 Caller Well, I'm so not.

29:36 Adam Let me ask this. Do people who have more brain cells to rub together, do they have panic attack more so than I believe?

29:44 Drew So I think it's that that's we've talked about.

29:47 Adam That's convenient.

29:49 Drew But we've talked about that the motivate the autonomic tone. You and I have talked about the engines running high, engines running low.

29:55 Adam Right. Yeah. He's got a Cox 049 engine buzzing in his brain. So yeah, you too. You thought good for anything. You like I got the engine from the African queen. Just kind of chugging and smoke bellowing out.

30:12 Caller Nice. Julianne Nicholson. Why?

30:16 Guest I have not had a panic attack.

30:18 Adam You haven't.

30:19 Drew You're one of those people.

30:20 Guest Throw it in there.

30:21 Caller You've had anxiety attacks though.

30:23 Guest Big anxiety. But never that like pressure. My heart is going to stop thing.

30:27 Caller I'm sorry sweetheart.

30:28 Guest No, I'm done for another ten minutes.

30:31 Adam Now what's the anxiety attack?

30:33 Caller Anxiety, the synonym is fear. No, anxiety, the synonym in Webster's is care. And in panic, the synonym is fear. So they're like complete opposites by definition. Anxiety is stimulus response. Your boss is yelling at you. And then eventually if he keeps yelling at you and yelling at you, then one day you're driving to work and you get anxiety attack. That's the building where you get yelled at.

30:54 Guest Like right now?

30:55 Caller Right. Is it really?

30:59 Guest No.

30:59 Caller Just a little. You could be like the Rolando Blackman on like the Mavericks and just sit back in the cut. You get a pass, drain your three every once in a while, and you jog back up the court.

31:10 Guest If I knew who he was, I would try to be like him.

31:12 Adam Kyle?

31:13 Caller Colored guy.

31:16 Adam You're 19?

31:19 Caller You're 19.

31:22 Adam He's not prone to panic attacks.

31:24 Caller Julianne Nicholson.

31:26 Adam Kyle?

31:26 Drew African Queen.

31:27 Adam What's your question? Yeah.

31:30 Caller Funky father.

31:31 Adam All right. I'm done with Kyle. All right. I said many years ago we should stop talking to guys on the show.

31:36 Drew You have said that and been right. You've been right.

31:38 Adam Tiffany? Tiffany? They got a double clutch in that. First one message has been for air.

31:50 Drew Tiffany's 21. What's going on?

31:52 Oh, I have a problem. I'm going out on the limb calling y'all.

31:56 Drew All right. Go ahead.

31:57 Around a year and a half ago, they said I had cervical cancer.

32:01 Drew They said it. Did they treat it?

32:03 Yeah. They froze my cervix and they removed all the cancer cells and they said that everything was fine, that it shouldn't recur.

32:10 Drew Let me just let me just stop you for a second. Did you have a conization also or just for the cryotherapy?

32:17 I don't remember.

32:18 Drew A study just came out this week that showed that something I've we've kind of talked about a little bit, but most of the cervical cancers, the ones at least that are really meaningful, occurred just at the mouth of the cervix. The cervix is like a donut with a hole in the middle of it. And the most of it occurs right in the hole in the middle. And the colonization is where they cut that out, they cut the middle out. And the study just came out that showed that women that had that procedure have a much, much higher incidence of miscarriage.

32:44 Okay, well, I've been engaged-

32:46 Caller Whatever, Drew, let me keep going. That's very Buddhist to cut out the hole.

32:49 Adam Yeah, I was just thinking about adding my creamy filling.

32:52 Caller That's all I can think about when you talk about donuts.

32:58 But my problem is, is I've been engaged for a year and a half and I love my fiancé and I want to pleasure him and I want to be with him and all the emotional attachments that come with it, but my problem is, is ever since I've had that surgery, it hurts and I don't want to talk to him about it. I've gone to doctors and they said there's no scar tissue, there's nothing and I'm just don't know what to do anymore.

33:20 Drew Hold on a second. Hold on now. So you've had recent pap smears, right?

33:24 Yes.

33:25 Drew And recently there's no recurrence, there's no wart virus, there's nothing like that?

33:28 There's nothing.

33:29 Drew And have you had an ultrasound to see if there's some other problem that might be causing the pain like endometriosis?

33:34 Yes, I've been in the hospital for a month and a half, I tried everything.

33:38 Drew You were in the hospital for a month and a half?

33:40 Yeah, because they were running tests, I was in and out for a month and a half.

33:43 Adam She even called Jay's dad at one point when she broke down.

33:46 Drew He doesn't know it all.

33:47 Adam He knows.

33:48 Drew You weren't in the hospital for a month and a half.

33:50 Adam She's at her wits end, Jay.

33:51 Drew You were in the hospital for a month and a half? Hold on.

34:01 Caller I'm gonna sit through a tunnel. Wait, wait.

34:03 Adam The phone's gone all funky. Now you think something's up with you.

34:05 Drew Now we gotta get to the next stuff. Yeah. Now we do? Yeah, yeah.

34:08 Adam We can't just label our nuts and move forward?

34:11 Drew No? You can but we're not going.

34:12 Adam Tiffany?

34:15 Drew Just give me a yes or no. Were you sexually abused growing up?

34:20 Adam No.

34:21 Drew That was a no?

34:21 Guest That was a faint no.

34:22 Adam That was a faint no.

34:23 Caller No, but the whole thing is, what's going on with this show?

34:25 Drew It's the phone. Her phone is messed up.

34:26 Caller It's the world's famous K-Rock. I mean, if Stryker.

34:28 Drew Our phone is hers.

34:29 Caller Stryker, you can put a chimp behind the board and do what he does.

34:33 Adam Stryker's a pro. There's no doubt about it.

34:35 Caller And that's his real name.

34:37 Drew So she's had extensive evaluation. She's got somatic preoccupations, much like Jay Mohr. And they can't explain it. It has to, it's something called dyspheronia, which is pain within our chorus. It could be a hundred different things. All you can, she can really do is keep going back and try to look for an explanation. I will tell you, though, that when the nine times out of ten, plus when women have unexplained pelvic pain, it ends up being a sexual abuse history.

34:59 Adam Nate?

35:00 Caller In the meantime, keep going down on him like you're drowning and his nuts have oxygen.

35:05 Adam Right. Yeah.

35:06 Drew Yeah. Thank you, Jay Mohr.

35:08 Caller Well, look, she said she wants to pleasure him.

35:10 Drew Coming out of the movie this week?

35:10 Caller No, she said, I really want to pleasure him, but it hurts.

35:14 Adam No, and it's true. Like women are always like, I don't know what to do.

35:18 Caller Just put the tip in.

35:19 Adam Yeah. Get in. Get going.

35:21 Caller Doesn't he know how to be gentle? He's got to be like a savage and like, you know, do the whole thing every time you get through the whole doughnut.

35:26 Drew But it takes all kinds.

35:27 Adam It does. Nate? Savage. You're 17.

35:33 Caller Yeah.

35:34 Drew Hey, guys, what's up?

35:35 Adam What's happening?

35:35 Drew What's happening?

35:37 Caller Look, I was calling to ask Drew what the dangers are with an irregular bowel movement is.

35:45 Drew What do you mean by that?

35:46 Caller All right.

35:48 Caller Julianne Nicholson?

35:50 Caller Yeah.

35:50 Adam Comes out.

35:51 Drew See other people? Comes out.

35:53 Adam The movie comes out. I see. His comes out like a topiary.

36:00 Caller From, like, when I was in the sixth grade up until about a year ago, I used to, like, I wouldn't take a dump very much at all, like...

36:08 Adam Hold on. Hold on. I'm writing. Slow down. Go ahead. All right, Nate.

36:11 Caller All right. So, like, once a month.

36:13 Adam Once a month. Once a month.

36:15 Caller Oh, my God, Elvis.

36:16 Adam Once a month.

36:17 Caller Yeah.

36:18 Drew Not once a month.

36:19 Caller No. It really was. I mean, it was really bad. But over the past year, it's gotten a whole lot better to where, like, I do it, like, once every...

36:28 Drew Were you holding your stool intentionally?

36:30 Caller Well, I mean, like, at first, like, I never had the movement or whatever, but then when I did, like, it hurt too much, so I would just stop and be like, screw it, I'll do it later. And it just kind of built up each time.

36:45 Drew You had hurt. Do you have hemorrhoids or something?

36:48 Caller What? Oh, well, actually, it's weird because only until this past year when it's actually been getting better, has it started, have I started getting, like, a hemorrhoid there and stuff.

36:58 Drew Well, why did it hurt, is my question.

37:00 Caller What do you mean? Because...

37:01 Adam All right, listen, he's...

37:03 Caller Are you retarded? What do you mean, why does it hurt?

37:05 Adam He doesn't try.

37:05 Drew That's not his wife.

37:06 Caller No, not you, him.

37:07 Drew Yeah.

37:07 Adam No.

37:07 Caller I thought you said, I'm a right spider.

37:09 Adam I think when he says holding his bow, too, I mean, I think he actually...

37:13 Drew In his hands.

37:14 Adam Man, he was actually... Go see a doctor.

37:16 Drew Here's the deal. You need to take bulk, you need to take stools. He could be some sort of... It's actually pretty unusual. I mean, really, the first thing to do is to look at his bow function.

37:28 Caller See my girl in the cut?

37:29 Drew To look at his bow function.

37:31 Adam Another great old blues singer.

37:34 Drew He needs to go to school, school soccer. He may have some rectal pathology that he needs to be dealing with.

37:40 Caller Julianne Nicholson, Baseline 3, boy, go! That's how you do it, girl. Who needs Sharon Osborne when you got Drew?

37:50 All right.

37:50 Caller Is that a real thing?

37:51 Yes.

37:52 Guest I've seen x-rays of it. It's not true. Why? A friend. No.

37:58 Drew The x-ray is usually what you see from people that are laxative abusers that their bow becomes atonic and nothing moves and just fills up. That's the x-ray usually you see. I wrestled and we all abused and there are lots of descriptions of little kids holding their bow and hoarding.

38:12 Guest It was a young girl. It was like 12, 13 years old.

38:16 Drew A 7-year-old male to do this is pretty wild so that's why you got to go to the medical lab.

38:19 Caller Does she have a cousin named Susie? What are the records?

38:23 Caller I don't know.

38:24 Adam Maybe a month. A month seems like a pretty good run.

38:26 Drew It's a pretty good run. The problem is the bow again can become atonic and stop functioning. Then they have to remove it, it can be a big mess.

38:33 Adam And by the way, here's something I've been interested in. I'm very regular. Drew is good for every other day. Everyone leads you to believe that the more you go, the healthier you are.

38:50 Drew No, no, it's ridiculous.

38:51 Guest Should be once a day, no?

38:52 Drew Once a day approximately.

38:53 Caller But I go like three times in the morning just because I drink so much coffee. And if I have fruit and stuff.

38:59 Adam I just made.

39:00 Caller You did?

39:02 Adam Yeah.

39:02 Drew Mr. Hankey?

39:03 Adam Chris, we're going to need you to... We got a little clean up aisle three here.

39:07 All right, let's take a break.

39:09 Caller You people are good with your hands, right?

39:10 Adam Let's take a break. Jay Mohr is here, Julianne... Is it Julianne?

39:15 Guest Julianne. Go, I...

39:18 Adam I almost said Julianne, that's why.

39:19 Guest No, thank you.

39:20 Adam That's right, Julianne. Nicholson is here tonight. We will take ourselves a quick break. When we come back... No. Really?

39:27 Caller No. Will it make it more interesting?

39:28 Drew Yes.

39:29 Adam It could, yeah.

39:30 Caller Yes.

39:30 Drew We'll come back.

39:32 Adam We'll have a great call after this.

39:34 Hello, this is your radio.

39:40 Adam Drew. Guess how many terrific sense acts, deodorant, body spray comes in?

39:46 Drew I've got six.

39:47 Adam No, it's more.

39:48 Drew Eight.

39:48 Adam No, more.

39:49 Drew Nine.

39:50 Adam No, seven. I think I screwed that up. Anyway, seven's enough, right?

39:54 Drew Seven's great.

39:55 Caller Yeah.

40:08 Adam Jay Mohr here tonight, seeing other people, name of their movie. It is coming out this Friday. That's tomorrow, everybody, May 7th. It is coming out this Friday.

40:26 Caller And Vail.

40:27 Adam And there's only one, they only give one out, the best actress.

40:32 Guest I think they gave two, actually.

40:35 Adam Really? But you got both of them, right?

40:37 Guest Yes, all of them. No, jury and audience.

40:40 Adam Oh, I see. See, which ones you get? You got the all-important jury.

40:44 Caller See, I think I want audience. Who cares about the jury? I want the people, the people they know.

40:51 Adam Who got the audience then?

40:53 Guest Drew Barrymore.

40:54 Adam Oh, screw her.

40:56 Caller I know.

40:56 Guest I wasn't there, so I don't know what movie it was for or anything.

40:59 Caller Rochelle?

41:00 Guest I'm sure she was fantastic.

41:01 Caller Remember when she was in Playboy and she didn't shave?

41:03 Adam Hello? Oh, you know what?

41:05 Drew Hold on, Rochelle.

41:06 Adam I didn't notice that.

41:08 Caller I was coming out the sides like the flames out of the Batmobile.

41:11 Adam Wow. You really didn't? No, I'm not that into her.

41:15 Caller It was like shredded lettuce on a taco. It was everywhere.

41:18 Adam Really?

41:19 Caller And she didn't have a G-string. She had regular almost granny panties.

41:23 Adam Yeah.

41:24 Caller It was horrible. It was like, sweetheart, you had this in your calendar months ago.

41:28 Adam But on the other side, I don't know.

41:30 Caller But you can totally tell like her mindset was like, I'm very natural. Look how cool and groovy and granola I am. And Tom Green has one ball.

41:39 Adam I don't like the polar opposite, which is the very, you know, light looking just sort of landing strip.

41:44 Caller I think when they're completely bald and guys that love that have some kind of weird thing.

41:47 Guest Yeah.

41:47 Adam That's a weird thing.

41:48 Caller I don't like that at all. The wood floor?

41:50 Adam Yeah. No, that's bad. I think what you should be looking for is... I'm talking groove. The way... The mohawk. Here's what you should be looking for. The way you would draw it if you were sketching on a peachy folder. You know what I mean? Like, it's groomed. Here's what I'm saying.

42:05 Guest Like you do in the movie.

42:07 Caller That's right. I draw a big booby and I draw a nice thing like that.

42:12 Adam On a folder?

42:15 Caller I draw the triangle.

42:16 Adam Right. Devil's triangle.

42:18 Caller It shouldn't look like, you know, somebody dropped a pork chop on the barbershop floor. You have to take care of it.

42:23 Drew Your dog's name again?

42:25 Adam Huh?

42:26 Caller My dog's name is Shirley. Shirley.

42:27 Adam Here's what it should look like. It should look like you didn't trim it, but it still looks good.

42:32 Caller No, I think it should look like you trim it. I think it's very sexy if you trim it.

42:35 Adam Yep. But the idea. Well, here's the thing.

42:39 Caller Who are you?

42:41 Drew It should be no design.

42:42 Caller I'm not saying lightning bolts and thunder and, you know, the freaking kiss. No, I'm saying. I'm saying Mohawk or triangle.

42:49 Adam I'm saying, remember, I think Jimmy Page was Zozo or whatever.

42:53 Caller Yeah.

42:54 Adam Yeah, the Zeppelin signs. No, here's what I'm saying. Here's what we want out of a woman. We want them. We don't want to know they've had plastic surgery, for instance. It's the same with the vaginal hair. What I'm saying is, is woman can get a little collagen injection in her lips and it can look nice. If we don't notice, it looks like she just has beautiful full lips. It's the same with the hair downstairs. We don't want to go, oh, she did.

43:16 Caller No, no, I'm saying we.

43:17 Drew Yeah, great strategy.

43:19 Adam I'm saying we.

43:19 Caller It's great.

43:20 Adam You would be with me on this. If you would just. If you could.

43:24 Caller I think a woman getting waxed is incredibly sexy.

43:27 Adam But do you want to see and know that she's been waxed or you just want to say that she pulled it together, man.

43:33 Caller We were rolling out that night. She said, let me keep the moving parts clean. Somebody's going to be down there doing some work. Let me get the Mohawk rocking and keep the backside, you know, svelte.

43:44 Drew You guys can still hang. You can hang.

43:46 Caller I'm not like you, like Fidel Castro eating a London broil. Like, you know, keep it really bushy, but don't let me know that you didn't really do it on purpose. Stop.

43:55 Adam No, I didn't say really.

43:56 Caller Did I say really bushy at any point, you said, make it look like you haven't groomed it, but groom it.

44:03 Adam Yes. Make it look natural. But we all know, just like a nice makeup job, just like when they bend over, we don't want to know. It's you. When they bend over, it should look like you're dusted by the sun. I've got it all.

44:15 Caller When they bend over.

44:17 Caller Do you want to see hair? So then what are you talking about? That's a wax.

44:21 Adam If they do a good job, we don't know. You see, that's what I'm saying.

44:24 Caller You're retarded.

44:25 Caller It's a fade.

44:27 Adam I'm not saying don't wax.

44:28 Drew Remember the Abyssinian Call show?

44:30 Caller This is worse.

44:31 Drew This is worse.

44:32 Caller No way.

44:33 Caller Bite your tongue.

44:33 Drew Way worse. Rochelle, go ahead. We're becoming worse.

44:36 Adam Yeah. And by the way, we can bounce back Sunday. You'll not ask to be back on the show, Jay.

44:41 Caller You know what? That would be the death knell of my career.

44:43 Adam That's what I'm saying.

44:44 Caller What Pluto and Ash couldn't do, you'll do.

44:47 Drew You're coming back to talk about your book.

44:51 Caller You know what? I agree with you.

44:52 Adam Rochelle?

44:54 Yeah?

44:54 Adam What's happening?

44:56 Oh, you can hear me.

44:58 I'm wondering, I can't orgasm during sex through penetration.

45:02 Drew Yeah, that's most women.

45:04 What's that?

45:05 Drew That's most women, Rochelle.

45:07 Adam What?

45:08 Well, it's irritating because I can come from oral sex and by myself, but I want to come with my boyfriend and I can't.

45:16 Drew It's not going to happen.

45:18 Adam I like the recap, though.

45:20 Drew Yeah. I'll tell you again. Yeah. You can masturbate during the act.

45:26 Adam Doesn't work for women.

45:27 Yeah, well, we do that. We do do that.

45:29 Caller The thing's overwhelming.

45:30 Adam The clit has a panic attack.

45:32 Caller And then it calls my father.

45:33 Adam And then it calls Jay's dad. When the pink phone starts ringing at the Mohr household, Jay's dad's like, uh-oh.

45:41 Caller The little man in the boat hotline.

45:44 Adam Yeah.

45:45 Caller What's wrong with self-manipulation during intercourse?

45:47 Adam Yeah, what's wrong? Oh, you're asking me? Women become overwhelmed.

45:51 Caller No, I'm asking her.

45:52 Adam I'm asking you. Wait till she tells you the same. I become overwhelmed.

45:55 Drew No, no.

45:56 Caller I gotta wait that out?

45:57 Drew Here's the deal. We were reviewing this an awful lot. Women have a spectrum of sexual response. The significant majority will never have orgasm during intercourse. There's about 23% will have it generally within a course one time or with oral sex, the other one married me with oral sex, and there's about 10% that will have multiple orgasms. Wow. Stuff falls out all the time. Yeah.

46:20 Adam You better learn how to fake it with that guy on top of you because you'll go nuts on you.

46:24 Caller I'll fave-ro my ass.

46:27 Drew All right.

46:28 Adam So you're still ahead of the game at 19 that you're having it orally with your boyfriend.

46:35 Caller And with masturbation, too.

46:36 Drew Many women 18 to 22 don't orgasm at all.

46:38 Caller Can you masturbate now?

46:40 Drew You better go to break. Not right now, Jay. Relax.

46:44 Adam But Rochelle, let me ask.

46:45 Caller What, do you work or something?

46:46 Drew You heard this FCC thing that's going on? We got to watch it.

46:49 Caller She said come five times.

46:51 Adam Let me ask you real quick, Rochelle. If you helped yourself out when your boyfriend was giving you intercourse, do you think you could have an orgasm?

47:01 That's the way we normally do it or I just while.

47:04 Caller Welcome to the big leagues, honey. That's how it goes.

47:07 Adam He's Indian. You're having an orgasm, right?

47:09 Caller Ten seconds. Do you squirt?

47:11 Adam Relax.

47:12 Caller What? We can't fake that.

47:14 Adam We got to take a break.

47:15 Drew No, you can't.

47:15 Adam We got to take a break. We got to talk to Jay and we'll be right.

47:18 Caller Oh, Julianne Nicholson.

47:19 Adam Yeah, but we don't need to talk to her. We'll be right back after this.

47:23 Here's the deal. Looking to hook up?

47:25 Drew Call the Dateline.

47:26 Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:28 Drew Call the Dateline.

47:28 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:30 Caller Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

47:37 Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

47:42 Caller This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

47:44 Experience the Axe Effect.

48:13 Adam I'm going to go ahead and show you some of the songs I've been playing for a while now. I'm going to go ahead and show you some of the songs I've been playing for a while now. Yes, Drew? You got a call work down? I'm looking at them. Oh, you can feel it. Also, you can find Drew with the Olsen twins coming out tomorrow as well. All right. Drew, how many screens do you think that movie you're in is going to be released in? Like 3,000 or something?

48:40 Caller 2,000.

48:41 Adam It's crazy, right? We're going to kill him.

48:43 Caller We're in 14 screens. Gavin Pallone's got two of them in his house.

48:48 Adam There are 14 screens. They're all back to back. They're all behind each other. Yeah, they're stacked. Stacked like a French pastry.

48:55 Drew Hey, before I forget, I wanted to bring up a topic, but it's going to be a little boring, but not too bad. I was, Jay's got a book coming out.

49:02 Adam Sure.

49:03 Drew What's it called?

49:03 Caller Gasping for Air Time.

49:05 Drew Gasping for Air Time. About panic disorder.

49:07 Caller Get it.

49:08 Drew Very self-indulgent. And I was preparing for another book, too, and I was talking to, what I'm doing is doing lots and lots of interviews with people that have made major, major changes in their life. The people that have lost 300 pounds or gotten off drugs.

49:20 Caller Julianne.

49:22 Guest You should have seen me before.

49:23 Drew Before seeing other people. She's huge. She's huge, yeah. And what's really interesting to me, that every single person I've talked to, and so far I've only done a bunch of interviews with women. I'm sure, I suspect it'll be the same with men, but when you get right down to it, they will say, well, I had this moment of clarity or I had some moment where I could really see myself. Every single person has said, I saw myself and I was disgusted. And when I felt disgust, then I could make change.

49:48 Adam Not only by their physical appearance, but just by their life.

49:51 Drew Just where they were. Because I say to them, you know, it's one woman saying, I was on an IV, I was trying out drugs and it was just the bottom. It was awful, it was horrible, I was so tired. And I said, well, what did you feel? Well, I was disgusted. I thought, every single person has said that to me. We don't really think about the power of disgust. If we can be, if we need to change, if we can really feel how we are. What about the power?

50:13 Caller That just reinforces how self-obsessed we are. Like your health, you don't care what you do.

50:18 Drew It's money denial, though, isn't it?

50:19 Caller And then when you personally are disgusted, well, now we're gonna make changes.

50:22 Drew Right. Well, it's all denial before then. You'd be, you would have been disgusted before then if you would have let it in. But when you actually see it, then you feel the disgust.

50:29 Adam So how do we get to that level?

50:30 Drew That's the question.

50:31 Adam Where we're disgusted with ourselves.

50:32 Drew That's the question. So I was hoping you, Adam, could help me with that.

50:34 Adam Well, it's once.

50:35 Drew You seem pretty disgusted all the time.

50:37 Adam Sometimes I'll tuck my junk between my legs.

50:40 Drew And that's disgusting.

50:41 Adam Yeah, that's sick.

50:42 Drew So you'll sort of do sort of a, before it's a survival, when you do that dance, that's kind of disgusting.

50:47 Adam Yeah, so we should get to the disgust level faster?

50:50 Drew Well, that's what I'm wondering.

50:52 Caller You guys want some donuts?

50:54 Drew That's disgusting.

50:55 Adam All right, let's get to the phones here and speak to Tara or Tara.

51:00 Tara.

51:01 Adam Tara, what's happening? You're 18.

51:03 Caller Yes, I have a comfort problem that I really don't understand too much.

51:08 Drew What kind of problem?

51:10 Caller Okay, it's like I've been with just like the biggest problem in general is like the diet for three years. He's a psycho, basically. And I know exactly what I want, which is to not be with him. And I know I want to move away from here. And I know exactly what I want, but it's like every time I even try to do it, I just can't go. I just get too scared. I just go right back.

51:30 Adam You got to get disgusted with yourself.

51:32 Drew What are you afraid of?

51:33 Caller I have no idea. It's like the man I think about, like, he's really good at breaking me down, tells me I can never have anybody but him and I'm not good enough for anybody.

51:41 Caller I know what you should be afraid of, the fact that you are going to repeat this cycle for the rest of your life.

51:46 Drew Your children are going to repeat it, too.

51:48 Caller And your daughters are going to do it. And your whole life, you're going to be with guys that tear you down They don't have to be. and tell you you're not worth anything. No, but she will be. Unless she makes a change.

51:57 Drew That's the point.

51:58 Caller Of course. But women that are abused are.

52:01 Caller Well, that's what I understand.

52:02 Drew Your dad or some of your parents set up this cycle. They set up the wiring that sort of puts...

52:08 Caller I don't always agree with that. Why can't she just be a psycho?

52:10 Drew Well, you can be. You can be. Her mom was psycho. Yeah.

52:14 Adam Don't pull a Favreau on Drew. He'll freak on you, man.

52:17 Drew There's various theories.

52:18 Adam And then have a panic attack. We're going to poke him back in here.

52:20 Drew He's got a good little short of breath.

52:22 Adam I have to call Jay's dad.

52:23 Caller Oh, I love it.

52:26 Drew What's his name? John. John. I got to call John.

52:29 Adam Call John.

52:30 Drew Or we can call Carlos. Oh, that's Chris's dad.

52:33 Adam Chris's dad. Go ahead.

52:36 Caller He knows what a brawl is.

52:37 Drew What day is it? That the fact is that people don't really know exactly why this biological wiring gets put in place. What people talk about in terms of there being these love maps, these maps of what it is to feel intimate with somebody. And the only way you can feel that caring connection is through reenacting things that were representative of those things you knew as nurturing and caring your parents. And if they were abusive, you find those people and reenact it over and over.

52:58 Caller How old is your boyfriend? Yeah. So there's no coincidence that he's got someone younger and manipulat- moldable like you that will, you know, heed his beck and call. You already know the answer to this. It drives me crazy.

53:14 Drew And here's the thing, Tara, I was talking a few minutes ago about people that make big change in their life and they see themselves for what they are in a clear moment. It disgusts them. And then the way they get out is by forming a relationship with people, actually appreciate them and care about them. So you need other relationships with people that are not in this cycle of abuse, okay?

53:34 Guest And doing stuff that makes you feel good outside of the relationship.

53:38 Drew But you've got to have these relationships. You've got a stable, intimate relationship with peers, preferably women, who support you when you make this move.

53:46 Adam What about that sort of constant refrain where they go, I keep trying, but I can't, they keep putting me down, and I don't know what to do.

53:54 Caller They like it.

53:55 Drew Well, they love it.

53:56 Caller They love it.

53:56 Drew It's even more.

53:57 Adam They at least know it.

53:57 Caller Can they read Conversations with God? They love it. That's why they keep doing it.

54:01 Adam Should you be constantly reading?

54:03 Caller Can they read House of God? By Shem?

54:06 Drew House of God about the residents, the doctors? Wow.

54:08 Adam One of the three studios.

54:10 Caller The publisher asked me, they said, by Shemp. Shemp? No, Shemp.

54:13 Drew He said, which three studios?

54:16 Caller The publisher said, put two books together so we could say your book is a cross between A and B. And I handed it in and I mailed it to them. I said it's a cross between Bukowski, Post Office and House of God by Shemp. And they emailed me, could you pick two other books?

54:30 Drew Nobody knew them.

54:31 Caller Nobody knew who they were, but that's exactly what it is.

54:33 Adam I thought it would be Guy Lombardo and Bad Brains.

54:35 Caller You know what? That's enough.

54:36 Drew All right.

54:37 Adam Sorry.

54:37 Caller That is enough.

54:38 Adam All right. There's a little callback. OK, so should people keep repeating to themselves, I can't do this or it never works? You know what I mean?

54:45 Drew Obviously, you got to get that thinking changed. But really honestly, she loves it. Drew, let me propose to you my brain in the jar question. This is for Jay.

54:54 Adam Yeah.

54:54 Drew Should I propose a time?

54:55 Adam I if I can.

54:56 Caller Yeah, I like it. I like it. I like it already.

54:59 Adam Propose my, you know, give your dad a hand or go down in your mom scenario.

55:03 Caller We don't. I'd go all dad all the way.

55:07 Drew OK, if you could.

55:08 Adam Sure. You got the shell answer man at home.

55:11 Drew If you could.

55:14 Caller Son, that's not how you do it.

55:16 Adam Son, it says here in the DSM4 that you shouldn't use your forefinger and thumb to correct yourself.

55:21 Caller What's with the ring? Grip it. Not pink, purple. Wait a minute. I shouldn't open up like this. Julianne Nicholson, best actress, damn it.

55:31 Drew Let's move again.

55:32 Caller Who cares?

55:33 Drew 14 screens. Like this is going to help.

55:36 Caller People are calling up because they can't masturbate.

55:38 Drew If you could sign up to be a brain in a jar, we're going to take your brain out, put it in a jar and it's just a hypothetical completely. We could dial into your experience. Listen to this.

55:47 Caller I'm listening.

55:48 Adam It's not a true story. We're not going to take Jay's brain out, put it in a mason jar, put it in a mason jar.

55:52 Caller But I get it back.

55:53 Drew The point is it's not even a real scenario, but it's a philosophical question.

55:57 Caller I'm with you.

55:58 Drew If you could get a brain in a jar, and we could dial into that brain's experience the perfect life, and as the brain in the jar, you would have no difference in your experience, say from what you're experiencing right now. You would think you were living your life. You wouldn't know you were a brain in a jar. And even if that perfect life didn't suit you perfectly, you could change it in time to make it perfect. Okay, you could make it absolutely the perfect life, and you wouldn't know you were a brain in a jar. Would you sign up for that?

56:22 Caller No. Because I wouldn't trade anything. This is going to sound like I'm full of s, but I'm not. I wouldn't trade a single moment of my journey thus far, good or bad.

56:35 Drew So hang on. I didn't know that. No, but, okay. So you, you like-

56:43 Guest What?

56:43 We can hear you.

56:44 Drew What did you say? You like life the way it is. But think about-

56:47 Caller I wouldn't trade places.

56:48 Drew What is it about this life that is so, you cherish so much that you wouldn't want to be the brain in a jar?

56:53 Caller Because if I give you the right answers, you're going to, it's going to be, it's going to surprise you so much that you're going to think I'm full of it, I'm high, or I'm lying to you.

57:00 Drew I believe you so far.

57:01 Caller Because I am here, God is living experientially through me.

57:04 Drew But you would have the same experience in the brain in the jar.

57:07 Caller But you already told me it's not the same experience, so I know that going in.

57:11 Drew You know it going in, but once you were in, you wouldn't know it.

57:14 Caller But I know it going in.

57:15 Drew You know it going in, correct.

57:16 Caller And I know it's a simulated great life.

57:19 Drew And what do you lose by bringing the brain in the jar?

57:23 Caller Pestamonger. Can I have that lighter hands? You know Bruce Lee was very bad, man.

57:30 Adam He could... Yeah. Who the hell are you, Donald Sutherland?

57:37 Caller My friend did a movie with Donald Sutherland and he shows up on set with Henry Thomas and he goes, hey, what do you got there? And he goes, coffee. He goes, coffee? Do you want pancreatic cancer? The first day he met him, he's like, no. So what's the point?

57:52 Drew Well, my point is that even you would experience other people, but the one thing you would not be able to do is other people experience you. That's the only thing you wouldn't have as a brain in the jar is other people experiencing you.

58:05 Caller The Alice in Chains song? Who's the brain in the jar?

58:12 Drew Right? That's the only thing. As the brain in the jar, you would experience others, but they wouldn't experience you. And my point is that the other is so critical to our life, to meaning in our life. Not only do we have to experience others, but we must be experienced by.

58:26 Caller How do you do this every night, Adam?

58:28 Adam I tuned out a long time ago.

58:30 Caller Boring! Me more funny! Don't you hate pants?

58:33 Adam Now listen.

58:34 Drew Yeah, I'm listening.

58:35 Adam Drew.

58:35 Drew Yeah, Adam.

58:36 Adam Who's the card in the hamper that came up with that scenario?

58:40 Drew That's old.

58:41 Adam Was that you?

58:41 Drew No, it was a philosopher.

58:43 Adam Drew tried to float this a month ago. I didn't know what he was talking about. OK, what he's saying is, is you can have a euphoric life except for you would know that it was going in.

58:52 Drew You would know that it wasn't real.

58:53 Adam You would know going in that it wouldn't actually be your life.

58:56 Caller Would you die?

58:58 Drew Whatever you want.

58:59 Adam I'd take the euphoric life. Who knows? Who cares? But here's.

59:02 Caller But this is, this is a visit, though.

59:04 Adam This life?

59:05 Caller Absolutely.

59:06 Adam Where are we going after this?

59:07 Caller That's, that's the whole thing.

59:09 Adam We don't know.

59:10 Caller You can't have fear and faith at the same time. You got to extend. You got to extend the faith celestially, you know. So if you go in and you're the brain in the jar and you don't know, you know.

59:21 Adam And what if there's an earthquake and it falls off?

59:24 Caller Yes.

59:24 Adam Your brain is jumping around like a cold fish on the jellyfish.

59:28 Caller Kimmel's holding you back, dude.

59:32 Adam Steve? What's up?

59:35 Caller How you doing, Adam? Good. I have a question regarding drugs and during pregnancy, use, drug use during pregnancy.

59:43 Adam Yeah, first off, we could put your dork in some tupperware. All right, go ahead.

59:50 Drew It will be a dork in a jar.

59:52 Adam Dork in a jar.

59:53 Drew Go ahead, Steve.

59:54 Caller Swing and a mess, that's two.

59:57 Caller My ex used drugs during her pregnancy, I've just found this out. My son is 18 months old, I have no custody, she's no longer in the picture.

1:00:04 Drew What kind of drugs?

1:00:05 Caller She was using coke, crystal meth and crack.

1:00:11 Caller How did you not know? Anyway, I'm sorry, go ahead.

1:00:14 Drew Well the good news is, the sort of literature on this is...

1:00:18 Caller But he didn't ask his question.

1:00:19 Drew So he wants to know what the effects on the kid are going to be.

1:00:21 Caller Well do you see any effects on the kid now?

1:00:23 Caller As of now, no.

1:00:25 Caller My son's the same age.

1:00:27 Drew Most? You have an 18 month old?

1:00:28 Caller 19, yeah.

1:00:30 Drew Oh, good times.

1:00:31 Caller 6'4, 220.

1:00:32 Adam He's already got a scholarship, he's got a free ride to Clemson.

1:00:35 Caller Word. S-E-C.

1:00:37 Drew All right, here's the deal, Steve, is that there's still some controversy about this. For a long time, we thought particularly amphetamines were going to cause significant developmental and intellectual problems in kids, and indeed, a lot of them do have trouble up until about the age of first grade, and around first grade, they seem to all kind of, it sorts itself out a bit, that they kind of catch up with their peers. So the probability is things are going to be okay, yet we really don't fully know the long term effects of this. There's great concern about it, but it's looking to be less than we at one time thought, okay? So nothing you can do about it. Nothing you can do anyway, so just do the best you can to raise this kid, and the brain is very plastic at a very young age.

1:01:19 Caller So did you put your foot in her ass?

1:01:21 Caller I put my foot in her ass.

1:01:24 Caller That's what I like to hear, brother.

1:01:26 Adam All right, what do you do for a living, Steve?

1:01:28 Caller Believe it or not, Adam, I drive a truck.

1:01:30 Caller I sell crystal meth.

1:01:31 Adam I started to write, I wrote the TR of my truck I was about to ride. Here's my point, I knew he drove a truck, I started to write a truck. He drives a truck, his old lady is a stripper meth head. The kid was not going to be on the Supreme Court anyway. You know what I'm saying? So how could you tell?

1:01:47 Caller But what if he was?

1:01:48 Adam I don't want to be cruel, but what I mean is you also, you do a nature nurture thing here. I know this sounds horrible, but what I'm saying is mom was a meth head, so the kid's not coming from primo stock in the first place. So if he's toward the bottom of the class in his second grade, he could have been heading around there anyway. That might not have been the meth. That's all I'm saying.

1:02:10 Drew Good times.

1:02:10 Adam Yeah. It's my Aryan view of the world.

1:02:13 Caller Higher attuned.

1:02:14 Drew No, no. It's that very Hitlerian view of the world.

1:02:16 Adam Yeah. Hitlerian.

1:02:18 Caller Hitlerian?

1:02:19 Adam The movie was Hitlerius. Who are we talking to, Drew?

1:02:25 Caller Each other.

1:02:26 Adam Jeff? You're 25?

1:02:29 Caller I got a question for Jeff, for Jay. Jay, you were one of the greatest TV shows in the history of television, which was Action with Buddy Hackett and Ileana Decker.

1:02:37 Drew That was supposed to be good.

1:02:38 Caller That was an amazing show. And I wondered if there was any chance of that coming out on DVD.

1:02:43 Caller Sony is going to release it on DVD. They had a... It was hard for a long time because it was owned by three companies, Fox, Columbia TriStar and Silver Picture. So to get all three companies to agree on anything would be impossible. But then Sony had like a random search over the internet, like what's the number one show that you want on DVD? And it was like something with like 10,000 votes and it was something ridiculous. Like 9,000 of them was action.

1:03:08 Caller Really?

1:03:08 Caller So they're going to get it together.

1:03:10 Caller What was it like working with Buddy? Were you pretty shocked when he passed away?

1:03:13 Caller Yeah, I was pretty shocked. But old people die, as awful as that sounds. And he lived and if you or I had spent four days in his body and his life, we'd need like a weekend to recover. So my man lived, man. You can live your life in a way where you live forever and he certainly did that.

1:03:30 Caller Last question, is there going to be an uncensored audio track on this?

1:03:34 Caller Is there what?

1:03:34 Adam Uncensored audio track?

1:03:36 Caller Uncensored audio track. It was heavily censored because you cursed a lot during the show. Will the DVD have a complete uncensored audio track?

1:03:42 Caller I would hope so.

1:03:43 Caller Yeah, all of us would.

1:03:44 Caller I don't know. Where do you live?

1:03:45 Caller San Luis Obispo.

1:03:46 Caller Oh yeah, in San Luis Obispo, definitely.

1:03:48 Drew I think we first met you was with Buddy on Loveline the TV show.

1:03:52 Well, you never know.

1:03:54 Adam Really?

1:03:54 Caller The first day he was...

1:03:56 Drew Buddy started crying. He was like, when I was a kid, remember that? When I was a kid, we didn't have forums like this and we didn't talk about...

1:04:02 This is wonderful.

1:04:03 Drew This is wonderful.

1:04:04 Caller He went up to the wardrobe lady and he goes, could I call you in six weeks? And she goes, why six weeks?

1:04:09 He goes, well, I've applied for a hard-on.

1:04:14 Caller But the girl came up to him exactly six weeks later and goes, how'd it go? And that's all she said. He goes, they turned me down. Oh, like remembering a joke six weeks later at 80 years old. Come on.

1:04:24 Adam How about Jay Mohr's moving eulogy? Oh, old people die.

1:04:28 Caller That's the way it goes. I'll remember it all. Let me ask you. Ready? A king says to a monk, it's an old Buddhist poem, paint me happiness. And the monk just writes down father dies, son dies. And the king says, I could have you killed for this. I should paint me happiness. Do it again. And the monk takes the paper and he writes down next to it, son dies, father dies. And he says, would you rather be in this order? My cousin got killed by a drunk driver when he was 20. I've seen parents straighten ties of a kid in a casket. That goes against the world universe. You're over, you know, you're seven years old. You die. It's like you're free. Go get home.

1:05:04 Adam Jay's going to be down to deli smoke this weekend.

1:05:10 Caller Deli Smoker.

1:05:11 Drew I'm theater at the Knott's Berry Farm.

1:05:12 Adam Yeah, he's got two shows on Sunday.

1:05:15 Caller I walk three shows. I don't do three shows. Three shows. I walk a movie. You're not in a position to walk.

1:05:21 Drew Let's see if you're bringing the jar. You could dial in.

1:05:26 Adam I could dial in Merrill. Forget it.

1:05:29 Caller I can't talk anymore. Julianne Nicholson. Give out your number or something. Do something. Jay. I know.

1:05:37 Adam Maria.

1:05:38 Caller I just met a boy named Maria.

1:05:41 Adam Is that Maria? You're 20?

1:05:47 Caller Hello? Yeah. It's because I'm calling from my cell phone. I'm sorry.

1:05:52 Drew Why?

1:05:52 Adam Do you have a landline you can talk on?

1:05:55 Caller It's because I was coming from my boyfriend's house and I was on the freeway, so I called through my cell phone. Well, I was molested when I was young, but this is my first boyfriend, and I can't seem to open up to him. Whenever he tries to go in, I push him away.

1:06:14 Drew Absolutely, absolutely. Naturally enough.

1:06:18 Caller Or is there anything I could do about it?

1:06:21 Drew Yeah, there are treatments for this, but you need to talk to someone about it.

1:06:24 Caller Oh, like who?

1:06:26 Drew A therapist, a psychologist. I'll just start with just a general psychologist, somebody you can talk to about the feelings associated with this and maybe get to the point where you could have a, be able to be open to intimacy. It's a tough thing.

1:06:40 Adam Who did this to you?

1:06:42 Caller It was actually to one of my dad's friends and then it was my uncle on my dad's side.

1:06:48 Drew Dad's brother.

1:06:50 Adam Yes. To me. I know Drew never sees it this way. I always look at it as sort of the ultimate F you to your brother or sister. Like you're F-ing their kid. Could there be a bigger slap in the face to your own sibling? And Drew, you think it's mostly like, well, they're just pedophiles and what do you know, that's what they do.

1:07:09 Caller I don't think it's got anything to do with that.

1:07:11 Adam I understand, but let me say this. I mean, they're guys that are thieves who won't steal from their own brother. You know what I mean? They're guys who rob banks and kill people.

1:07:19 Caller But stealing isn't a primal urge.

1:07:21 Adam Well, no, but deviant behavior oftentimes is sort of a way of life that people participate in.

1:07:28 Drew I don't disagree with you, by the way. I don't disagree. I just don't make as much of it as you do.

1:07:31 Adam You wouldn't call it an homage to the brother or sister.

1:07:34 Drew It's definitely a hateful act.

1:07:36 Adam It's a push, at least. But so much of this goes on with the nieces and the nephews. And it's like, I mean, not that I understand pedophilia anyway, but the idea of taking a pass at one of my sister's kids just seems like beyond the realm.

1:07:52 Drew I know. I think I'm mad you're your sister all the time. And even then.

1:07:55 Adam Well, she wants to borrow money. She says borrow. She says borrow. She really means half. She says borrow. I take offense to the borrow. You're not borrowing. I'm literal. Yeah, but I like to stay literally a million.

1:08:08 Drew And what does she say when you say you're taking money?

1:08:10 Adam What she say?

1:08:11 Drew Yeah, what does she say?

1:08:12 Adam She gives you this bizarre brain in a jar scenario. I get confused, demoralized and bored and go home. All right. Carrie? You're 26? You quit smoking something?

1:08:26 Caller Yeah. The reason I'm calling is actually just a vote of support for Drew with regard to the comment that he was making earlier about disgust being the pivotal point in people stopping any sort of addiction.

1:08:38 Caller Uh-huh. It is.

1:08:40 Caller Speaking from personal experience, I unfortunately started smoking again three and a half years later. Smoking what?

1:08:48 Drew Cigarettes?

1:08:49 Caller Yeah, yeah. We're not talking about anything crazy here, just cigarettes. But yeah, that's how I quit and I did start again. But playing to look into, I mean, if you talk about it, someone's going to look into it and figure out there's got to be some way to capture that.

1:09:02 Drew Yeah, that's the question. How do you get people to experience that, to see themselves and be disgusted in that moment?

1:09:08 Adam This is a horrible call. Carrie?

1:09:10 Caller Yeah, I know that I had it myself and I still can't bring it back.

1:09:13 Drew Take it back.

1:09:14 Caller But anyway, Drew, keep up the philosophical stuff. You're doing good.

1:09:18 Drew Wow.

1:09:19 Adam Thank you. All right. Go blow away another butt, Nichi. We got to take ourselves a little break here. I don't trust that, Carrie.

1:09:28 Caller Do you guys ever say to yourselves, like, what did we really do in the last break?

1:09:33 Adam Well, no. We don't.

1:09:34 Drew Usually we don't have to do that. We know.

1:09:36 Adam Yeah, we don't do anything.

1:09:36 Caller Take another call real quick.

1:09:37 Drew We got a break.

1:09:38 Caller For what? To play commercials?

1:09:40 Drew They're in our ear.

1:09:41 Caller They got to sell Budweiser in San Luis Obispo?

1:09:44 Adam We got to sell Crack to Retarder Kids. We'll be right back, sir. We'll take a quick break.

1:09:50 Caller Julianne Nicholson.

1:09:51 Adam Jay Mohr.

1:09:52 Caller Julianne Nicholson.

1:09:53 Adam Jay Mohr.

1:09:54 Caller Don't, don't, don't.

1:09:54 Adam Jay Nicholson. And we'll be right back after this. Drew, how much money do guys spend trying to get chicks? Um, uh, into the billion?

1:10:11 Caller Cars, everything.

1:10:13 Adam Everything. Hair plugs. All they need is some axe, deodorant, body spray. And a million dollars. Julianne Nicholson is here tonight. Yeah. Propone the Oscar for seeing other people. Jay Mohr in studio tonight as well.

1:10:42 Caller Boom, homo.

1:10:44 Adam Phonomer, $1,800 VE, 191.

1:10:51 Caller Gorgeous, definitely like a pro wrestler.

1:10:53 Adam Andy Richter is going to be in here on Sunday night. I'm retarded. Talking about the movie he did with Drew.

1:11:01 Drew We'll get the really inside scoop by this film too.

1:11:03 Guest He was in our movie also.

1:11:04 Adam Oh, that's right. Wow. The kid gets around, he gets everywhere, but this goddamn show is supposed to be here last week and he forgot. And by the way, slap in the face. You know what I mean? Come up with something. Say you turn your ankle, head down to the car or something. I forgot. You know what I mean? I mean, like if Julianne, if a guy said, you know, he's going on a date with you and then called you, you know, supposed to pick you up at 7 and then he called you at like 930. He went, hey, I'm sorry, man. I just forgot.

1:11:32 Guest We wouldn't go out again. Yeah.

1:11:33 Adam You'd be like, yeah, you forgot.

1:11:35 Guest Yeah. I wouldn't feel that important to him.

1:11:37 Adam Right. That's right.

1:11:39 Guest Is that what you're feeling?

1:11:40 Adam Yeah. That's what we're feeling.

1:11:41 Drew That's what we're feeling.

1:11:43 Adam We're going on a second date and we may go all the way with Andy Sunday night. Andy, are you there?

1:11:51 Caller I'm here and I'm retarded.

1:11:53 Adam What happened, buddy?

1:11:57 Caller I forgot.

1:12:00 Adam Newsflash, I forgot. Get this. So you would not go out with Andy if he forgot to pick you up on a date?

1:12:10 Guest Well, Andy, yeah. I'd give him a second chance.

1:12:12 Adam He's got a little juice. He's in both films.

1:12:14 Guest Exactly.

1:12:15 Adam All right. Let's speak to Chris, who's 22. Chris?

1:12:19 Yeah.

1:12:20 Adam What's happening?

1:12:22 Oh, well, not a whole lot right now.

1:12:25 Adam Why?

1:12:26 Caller I got in a car accident last week. Actually, last weekend.

1:12:29 Caller So I was in the hospital and I was unconscious for almost three days.

1:12:35 Caller They used or put a catheter in me.

1:12:37 Caller Sure. That's worse than being unconscious.

1:12:41 Caller Yeah. And ever since then, I haven't been able to really perform in the bedroom, you know?

1:12:49 Drew Well, that may be. Are you on any medication now?

1:12:51 Caller No, no medication or anything.

1:12:53 Drew It could be the head injury. Did you have any orthopedic injury?

1:12:56 Caller Really, I'm not quite for sure.

1:12:58 Adam I mean, yes.

1:13:00 Drew Any residual problems? Any problems left over?

1:13:03 Adam Thumbs up, by the way.

1:13:04 Yeah.

1:13:04 Drew Any problems left over from the accident?

1:13:06 I'm still kind of dazed from I did hit my head on the windshield.

1:13:09 Drew Are you on any pain medication?

1:13:11 Adam Actually, yeah, they gave me some, uh, Vicodin.

1:13:15 Caller Yeah, Vicodin.

1:13:15 Drew Are you taking it?

1:13:16 Caller Yeah.

1:13:17 Drew That's why you don't get erections.

1:13:19 Oh, really? Is that why?

1:13:20 Adam Maybe the catheter is still in.

1:13:21 Drew The Vicodin. The catheter is still in.

1:13:23 Adam Well, Drew, let me ask you a quick catheter question. If I had a catheter in me and then I ejaculated, could I do it on someone that was like nine feet away, like at the other end of the hose?

1:13:34 Drew No, because the hose is going to the bladder.

1:13:37 Adam I'd pull it out just a little bit then, right? It'd be great just hitting people around corners with your semen.

1:13:42 Caller When you get gas, you top it off. Top off the tank.

1:13:46 Adam Yeah, shove a little something in there, right? Then I just actually.

1:13:50 Drew It's getting weird.

1:13:51 You ever had a catheter, Drew?

1:13:53 Drew No.

1:13:53 Caller Have you ever had a catheter?

1:13:54 Adam Just no.

1:13:55 Drew Jay has.

1:13:56 Caller No, I haven't.

1:13:57 Adam No, you haven't?

1:13:58 Caller Have you ever had a catheter?

1:13:59 Guest Sounded like a star.

1:14:01 Caller Have you ever had a catheter?

1:14:02 Adam No. It's bad times. You want one?

1:14:05 Caller You want a catheter, baby?

1:14:06 Adam How far? So it goes in past. So you couldn't ejaculate.

1:14:10 Caller Why don't they use local anesthetic? I always hear they just jam it in there.

1:14:13 Drew There's an anesthetic gel.

1:14:15 Caller Why am I so excited about this?

1:14:16 Drew I wonder myself. This is an xylocaine gel I can use sometimes, but it still doesn't help that much. It's a pretty uncomfortable procedure.

1:14:22 Caller Uncomfortable?

1:14:23 Drew Actually, I had a cystoscopy, so that's even worse.

1:14:26 Adam That's where they put a.

1:14:28 Drew That's a rigid tube that they look through.

1:14:32 Caller Ribbed for her pleasure?

1:14:33 Drew No.

1:14:34 Adam In the penis?

1:14:35 Caller Yeah.

1:14:35 Adam Oh, yeah, that's worse, right?

1:14:37 Drew Yeah, it's a bad time.

1:14:38 Adam What are they looking for?

1:14:40 Caller Mites. Did they do a local anesthetic for that?

1:14:43 Drew A little one, yeah, a little bit.

1:14:45 Caller It must be really hard. I'm being actually serious because when that thing comes out, you shrink to where you're like just ahead.

1:14:52 Drew The catheter comes out?

1:14:55 Caller Yeah, like when you know that that's going in there, you just completely shrink to just ahead.

1:14:59 Drew Then this turtle.

1:15:00 Caller Then they have to like, I'm fascinated by catheters.

1:15:04 Adam No kidding.

1:15:05 Caller I just don't know why they can't make it more comfortable.

1:15:08 Drew It's like a telescope.

1:15:09 Adam When they're looking down you. What thing you had again?

1:15:11 Drew Scistoscopy.

1:15:12 Adam A picture of my going like, what do you see Bert? I'm just looking at the hole. You're in too far. You come back a little bit. Yeah. So they just stand there and look down this thing? No corny like ahoy jokes or anything like that.

1:15:28 Caller You're about a quart low.

1:15:29 Drew They sing the SpongeBob song, but that's it.

1:15:32 Adam All right. All right. So, Chris, maybe the painkillers and not the cat. Maybe both. Maybe the accident. Maybe everything.

1:15:38 Drew It's the Vicodin. All right, buddy.

1:15:42 Adam Talking to a lot of people lately who have been hitting their heads in car accidents.

1:15:46 Caller I got knocked out last week.

1:15:48 Drew Really?

1:15:49 Caller I'm doing this movie in Montreal where they don't know it's spring. It's like five degrees up there.

1:15:53 Adam Right.

1:15:53 Caller And I play this loser who I dress as like the sandwich outside like the sandwich shop.

1:15:58 Drew Yeah.

1:15:59 Caller And I get fired because my morale is bad. And then one day I'm driving past the sandwich shop and there's a new guy dressed as the cheeseburger. And so I pull over and I run and I tackle him and I punch the crap out of him.

1:16:08 Drew The great film.

1:16:10 Caller It's hilarious. And then so they got like this 19 year old stunt kid in the hamburger costume. Right. And they go, you could really like punch the hell out of him because he's young and he's stupid. And he's got like body armor on. I go, okay. This is Canada. So like two takes I'm just wailing on this kid and like my fist would slip through like where the patty and the lettuces and I'd feel like flesh and I'd kind of lay off and I'd go to a padded part. And then the kid takes like, yeah, I'd go to the bun. And the kid would like take the cheeseburger head off. I'd be like, you all right? He's like, what? I'm like, oh, you know what? You know exactly what I said. Now I'm going to lay you out. And they go, let's do a third take. And I run and I tackle the kid and he put his head down a little bit like anticipating the hit and right between my eyes hit the top of his head. And I covered my eyes like while I was still in the air. I was like parallel to the ground. And that's how I woke up, like on the ground. Really? Yeah, I was out for like 10 seconds. And when I looked up, I opened my eyes. It was just the most beautiful blue sky. And the medic is like French-Canadian and she's going, oh mon cherie d'accord are you okay? And I thought all I saw was blue sky. All I heard was a sexy voice. You were dead. I could lay here for a half hour. And then I see this prick dressed as a cheeseburger get to his feet. Now I got to get up because he's getting up, you know, New Jersey. And I get up, I go, oh my god, I think we hit. And my other first thought was everyone's going to think I'm faking it because I crack jokes all the time. And I go, oh, we hit heads. I think we hit heads. Do we hit heads? And the kid goes, I don't know. And then I get like crazy and I go, how the F do you not know if you get hit in the F in the head? And the kid, it turns out he's just like a mouth breather. He's just dumb. But I thought he's being a wise guy. He goes, I don't feel anything. And I go, what are you, a freaking wise guy? You don't feel anything? I'm laying on the ground like clutching my skull. And we had to like be separated because I almost fought a guy dressed as a cheeseburger.

1:17:52 Drew Oh my God.

1:17:53 Caller But being knocked out really isn't bad. I'd much rather like get knocked out than like sprain my ankle.

1:17:58 Drew You'll mess with your panic disorder. That'll get worse.

1:18:02 Adam How long ago was this?

1:18:04 Caller Two weeks ago.

1:18:05 Drew Have you been okay since? You didn't have any mood disservices or?

1:18:09 Caller It was actually kind of, I felt like kind of cool because my friends that like play football, they get concussions all the time. And I'm like, wow. But I didn't have a concussion because they said I would have vomited.

1:18:16 Drew No. Concussion necessarily. You had a concussion by definition.

1:18:22 Caller Yeah. I thought concussion was when your brain moves inside the skull.

1:18:25 Drew Any altered sensorium is considered a concussion. See, that's cool. It's just a more severe form to get vomiting.

1:18:31 Adam You have one.

1:18:34 Caller It's not bad.

1:18:35 Adam I was imagining like waking up after head trauma, seeing a guy in a giant hamburger standing over you. And you're going, man, I must be hungry. Like you think you are. You're like a cartoon, like when you're on the island and it turns into a pork chop.

1:18:51 Caller We're going to have roast rabbit.

1:18:55 Adam Mandy?

1:18:57 Yeah.

1:18:57 Adam You're 23? What's up?

1:19:02 Caller I'm just, my husband and I have been married for a while, but we've been dating for five years and the past three years I'm lucky if he wants to make love like three times a week.

1:19:14 Drew Oh, three times a week.

1:19:15 Caller Not three times a week, but three times a month. I see. And so I'm just wondering if that's normal for him. He's 21.

1:19:24 Adam Let me, no, but let me pose this question. We've been hearing more and more of this. Drew is a man of exquisite passion and does not understand this and always would label these people just, well, possibly gay or maybe he's depressed or he's on medication. There's something like that. But we're hearing more and more of this. Is it heading this way or are we making too much out of it? It's like the sort of gay argument. Is, you know, four percent of society always been gay? Or are we just hearing more about it now? Or did it used to be this way a hundred years ago? It seems like we're talking to five couples every night where the guy has lost interest.

1:20:01 Caller Is she still on the line?

1:20:03 Drew Mandy.

1:20:04 Caller What does he do for a living?

1:20:06 Caller Well, we're both just college students. I work at a retail store.

1:20:10 Caller All right. So it's not like he's so tired he can't do it from work.

1:20:15 Or from school.

1:20:15 Caller My knee-jerk reaction is that he's having things on the side and he's not that attractive to you.

1:20:21 Adam My hand-jerk reaction is the same. I think he's...

1:20:25 Caller No, I don't think so.

1:20:28 Well, you're not supposed to.

1:20:30 Drew That's a common place. But that's the guy who goes from all the time to not at all. That's that guy. Did he have a much higher rhythm frequency before?

1:20:42 Caller Yeah, before we used to do quite a bit. And then we had to taper off to like three or four times a week. And then it's just been...

1:20:52 Drew What do you mean you had to taper off? Why did you have to taper off?

1:20:57 Caller The doctor said we had to...

1:20:59 Drew Why?

1:21:02 Caller Because it's not... It wasn't... We were having problems with lubrication.

1:21:13 Caller Why is every call shrouded in mystery? It's like three questions and then, oh, and my cervix got taken out. Oh, you let that part out.

1:21:22 Adam But not only is it mystery, but it's like going to a really crappy carnival and someone going, do you want to know what's behind the curtain? And you're going, no, I'm kind of looking for my car.

1:21:31 Caller So you had to have less sex because you had lubrication problems and as a result you had to see a doctor because it was just not making sense.

1:21:38 Guest Do you mean lubrication like you yourself couldn't become lubricated or because of lubrication that you were bringing in from the outside?

1:21:46 Caller No, because it was just, we were doing it like three or four times a day. And so I wasn't able to maintain enough lubrication for that.

1:21:58 Drew And what was it causing as a result?

1:22:00 Caller Just dryness and soreness and pain.

1:22:05 Drew And then you cut down to how often? I'm going to figure this one out.

1:22:09 Caller Three or four times a week.

1:22:11 Drew And then what happened from there?

1:22:13 Caller Does he have a baby arm?

1:22:15 Drew What happened from there?

1:22:18 Caller Oh, we just, it just went from three to four times a week to like once, twice a week.

1:22:25 Drew It just faded out?

1:22:27 Caller Yeah.

1:22:28 Drew And did you say you're married or is your boyfriend?

1:22:30 Caller We're married now.

1:22:32 Drew He married how long ago?

1:22:33 Caller We got married in January.

1:22:36 Drew So relatively recent marriage. Anything you need to tell me about him? Has he been a history of drug addiction? Any trauma history in his past? He's a drug addict. He didn't used to be?

1:22:56 Adam Does he do anything?

1:22:58 Caller You're being very cryptic.

1:22:59 Adam What's up? He doesn't do any drugs? He doesn't drink?

1:23:02 Caller No, he doesn't do drugs. He doesn't drink.

1:23:04 Adam All right, then shut up. I'm punishing you. No, because I'm tired of that well-guessed kind of thing and then there's nothing behind the curtain. Maybe this guy just punched himself out like a Clitch Goat. Get Jay back.

1:23:19 Drew There's this going from hypersexuality to shutdown.

1:23:23 Caller He's bored with it.

1:23:24 Drew Either. It's no either.

1:23:26 Caller He's like, you know, one Vagina for the rest of my life, I can't believe I signed up for this, so I'm going to go and look around and when I come home, leave me alone. I'm sleeping. It's my house.

1:23:33 Drew That guy's got a history of behavioral behavior and usually the female calling is calling with more complaints about him. This is just about the sexual.

1:23:43 Caller It's crippling vagueness these calls.

1:23:46 Drew To me, it's just smacks of somebody who used to get their arousal from sex and now is getting from drugs and alcohol and that's why the sex shuts down.

1:23:53 Caller But why wouldn't she say it then?

1:23:55 Drew Maybe she doesn't know it. We're asking if he smokes a lot of pot. She may not count that. Man, does he smoke a lot of pot?

1:24:02 Caller No.

1:24:03 Caller Has he ever done drugs or alcohol? Is he out of your sight for extended periods of time?

1:24:10 Drew There was a what?

1:24:11 Caller There was a short period where in high school we both experimented with pot.

1:24:17 Adam That's nothing.

1:24:18 Caller I didn't seem to make much of an addiction.

1:24:21 Caller Do you notice he's gone for periods of time when he says like I'm going to a friend's house and that's like routine in your house where he comes home after like a three hour thing and you're like how was Tony's house? And he's like good and he just goes downstairs.

1:24:35 Caller No. We just moved to Seattle and we don't have any friends here so.

1:24:40 Adam He's not attracted to you.

1:24:43 Caller I'm gonna create my own curtain.

1:24:45 Adam I don't care anymore.

1:24:46 Caller Pull back the curtain. You got fat. He's not into it.

1:24:49 Adam That's right. Mandy.

1:24:51 Caller Did you gain a lot of weight?

1:24:55 Drew He's 21. It wouldn't matter.

1:24:57 Caller It wouldn't matter.

1:24:58 Drew The guy's got a baby arm.

1:25:00 Caller He can bang anything in Seattle.

1:25:02 Adam Jay, you dubbed him one with the baby arm.

1:25:05 Caller I know the guy. He's my friend. He's got a baby arm. You should lay off the pork chops and maybe jog and take care. When was the last time you put on a nice pair of panties? The silence is deafening. You've got to change that name to Jasper. Clean his junkyard once in a while.

1:25:30 Adam Let's take a break. I'm sure these kids will work it out.

1:25:35 Caller Someone with like real dysfunction, call.

1:25:38 Adam We're looking for troublemakers today.

1:25:40 Caller I'm in a bad mood being on your show.

1:25:42 Adam That's alright. You need some weed or something. Like a pot brownie or something.

1:25:47 Caller No, I don't eat it. I never did it before and I won't start. Like a 33-ounce panel.

1:25:52 Adam Of course.

1:25:53 Caller But you can't regulate how much you do and there's no sleeping it off. I'm done with every drug there is. I've been sober in like 10 years. But I had to go to AA to get off night quill.

1:26:07 Adam Not sober with weed. See, Drew doesn't count that as sober.

1:26:10 Caller I don't care what anybody thinks. I know I'm sober and I smoke weed. And when you go to AA, the hardliners are like, well, then you're not sober. I'm like, well, then you and I are from different trains of thought because I don't drink and I don't think of drinking and I don't want to drink.

1:26:22 Adam Let's take a break, Drew. You first, Chase Bobble, during the break?

1:26:27 Drew After the break.

1:26:28 Adam We'll be back after this.

1:26:29 Caller Loveline.

1:26:30 Caller Wait, wait, wait. My hair.

1:26:34 Caller We'll be right back.

1:26:44 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Julianne Nicholson is here tonight, Jay Mohr here tonight, seeing other people. Name of their new movie. Andy Richter, who's going to be in here on Sunday night, is also in that new film.

1:26:57 Caller Jonathan Davis, Amy Rogers, Liz Fair.

1:27:00 Adam Wow, Liz Fair getting into acting. Hi, Drew, wipe the puss off. Sanctimonious puss, and let's move forward and help the kids, yes?

1:27:08 Drew Yep, you pick a call.

1:27:09 Adam All right, I'm going with Marina over here. Marina? You're 21?

1:27:16 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:27:16 Adam What's up?

1:27:18 Caller Okay, I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and a half, and over like the past four months, he's been having like sexual problems. He has no desire and it doesn't really work at all. And we figured out like three possible medical causes of why this could be, and I just wanted to know if any of these could contribute to this.

1:27:40 Drew All right, let's hear your three, your theory.

1:27:44 Caller One is that he's clean now. He's been clean for about four years, but for 10 years, he seriously abused like a lot of really bad drugs.

1:27:54 Drew Yep, that can affect.

1:27:54 Adam 10 years. How old is he now?

1:27:56 Caller He is nearly 28.

1:27:58 Drew That can affect his mood, his sexual performance. It can affect lots of different aspects of the brain.

1:28:03 Caller After he stopped abusing these drugs, he had like no metabolism whatsoever. So, he went from about 150 pounds to 350 pounds in four or five years.

1:28:14 Drew Think about being somebody that should be 150 that's now 350 will be producing a lot of excess circulating estrogen.

1:28:20 Caller Did he lose to Dad Fan on television?

1:28:23 Drew And so, all that estrogen, lower testosterone, high testosterone may affect his sexual performance. Those are two good reasons.

1:28:29 Adam Last comic stand and come back to NBC, by the way.

1:28:33 Drew Got a third option?

1:28:34 Caller Yeah, he's kind of been having heart problems lately and he was thinking that he might have bad circulation.

1:28:42 Drew What heart problems do you have?

1:28:44 Caller It beats really fast and really hard and it's-

1:28:48 Drew Well, Maria, that needs to be checked out. That may not even be a heart problem. Maybe it's a thyroid problem.

1:28:52 Adam Gets that opening a jar of pickles.

1:28:55 Caller Is he still fat?

1:28:58 Drew If you can say 350 fat.

1:28:59 Adam That's why it's on the list.

1:29:00 Caller That wasn't paid attention on the list.

1:29:02 Adam Okay.

1:29:04 Drew He may have a medical problem here. I mean, he needs to see a doctor.

1:29:06 Caller He's 350 pounds.

1:29:07 Drew He's got a medical-

1:29:08 Caller Of course, he's got a medical problem.

1:29:10 Drew He's got rhythm disturbances and it can be a lot of different things. He could be diabetic now from obesity.

1:29:18 Adam I'm going to say a couple of things. First off, she's calling from Mississippi, so he's considered medium. If you want a box in Mississippi, be like a junior welterweight. Number two, it can be all of these things. It could be the obesity, it could be a heart problem, it could be the drug abuse of the past. It could be all these things.

1:29:37 Drew No way I can sort it out on the radio. He needs some blood work. He needs to examine him. Maybe he's now diabetic because of the obesity. There's a lot of different things.

1:29:46 Caller What markets are you guys in?

1:29:50 Adam Viagra?

1:29:50 Caller Get to the doctor.

1:29:51 Drew You could have a life-threatening condition here.

1:29:53 Adam If you bring a mortisil setting, you'll get one good pump out of it.

1:29:56 Caller If you bring it to the side, work your thing out and send it to the doctor already, honey.

1:29:59 Caller Next caller.

1:30:00 Adam Next caller. Go to the doctor.

1:30:02 Caller I'm throwing these people.

1:30:03 Adam That's the problem.

1:30:05 Caller Should maybe, I mean, you can't have an erection, but you know.

1:30:09 Adam What if we took two popsicle sticks and some duct tape and made a splint for his dork?

1:30:13 Caller Enos, you dipstick. Hoes, slash.

1:30:17 Caller Cooter.

1:30:18 Caller Everybody burning the dog, slash.

1:30:19 Adam Yeah.

1:30:20 Drew Where's the banjo now?

1:30:21 Adam There's a guy named Cooter on this show.

1:30:23 Caller I like that.

1:30:24 Adam Worked on the tram.

1:30:25 Caller Who's next?

1:30:25 Adam Who's next, Drew? Gets constipated when working out. Dallas, female.

1:30:32 Caller It's called Creighton. She's on Creighton.

1:30:34 Adam Dallas.

1:30:35 Caller Do you take Creighton?

1:30:36 Caller No.

1:30:37 Caller All right. Next caller.

1:30:37 Drew Do you constipate around the time of your period?

1:30:40 Caller Well, no. I'm sorry what you say.

1:30:43 Drew Does the constipation come on around the time of your period?

1:30:46 Caller No. It doesn't. It's just whenever I run on the treadmill or even run around the neighborhood, like 10 minutes into running, I will just get this unbearable pain in my stomach and in my back and it feels like I'm constipated and I have menstrual cramps and someone kicks me really hard and it's just constant for 10 or 15 minutes and then it just goes away.

1:31:11 Adam Well, is it getting a stitch in your side when you run?

1:31:13 Guest It's like you eat right before you go running or something?

1:31:16 Drew It's called a mass movement.

1:31:17 Caller It only happens like three or four days before, like I've noticed like the past three months, it's only happened when I, because I run every day and it's only happened like three or four days before my period.

1:31:28 Drew Didn't I just ask her that?

1:31:29 Caller You people are retards. Next caller. He just asked you if it was before your period and you said no and then he goes it's a mass movement like he knows what it is, he's about to answer what it is and you just keep going and then when I run and I run and I run, he just told you what it was.

1:31:45 Drew I love Jay because he shares my pain.

1:31:47 Adam Yeah, he does.

1:31:47 Caller But you have to be like politically correct. But you have to be cool about it.

1:31:52 Drew Yeah, I do because I can't express my outrage but you can do it for me.

1:31:55 Caller These people are morons. Not all of them, just of one. Like the guy that complimented me was cool.

1:31:59 Drew The one we talk about is that if Adam were going to give them instruction on how to hang a door, they would go, oh no, wait a minute, you don't understand, it's like, hey.

1:32:08 Adam They never, well listen, I wonder if society in general, I got a couple ideas. One is, maybe there's just too much goddamn PlayStation and too many channels on TV. Maybe people cannot sit still and absorb information anymore. Like the longer, you show me someone who can sit down and read a book for two hours, I'll show you someone who can listen to Dr. Drew. You show me a guy who's got to talk on his cell phone while playing PlayStation while masturbating to a split vision porn on the same TV, with a Q-tip in his ear, I'm going to show you one of our callers.

1:32:41 Drew Again, if you were to give him some plumbing advice, he'd listen to that.

1:32:44 Adam The other thing...

1:32:45 Caller If I was a psychologist, you give me four patients, I could string them for 20 years. It's amazing.

1:32:51 Drew So what's the other thing?

1:32:52 Adam I want to hear the other three. The other thing is this constant denial, like you go, do you drink? No, no, but I do drink a lot. It's just sort of no.

1:33:02 Drew Yeah, no to everything.

1:33:03 Adam Yeah, like it's like a cop has pulled you over or something and is asking you...

1:33:07 Drew Confuse authority.

1:33:09 Caller Two and a half. It's the half that puts the cuffs on you.

1:33:12 Drew All right, we're going to break.

1:33:13 Adam All right, we're going to break. We're discussing with all of you, especially Jay.

1:33:16 Caller Discussing with the toys and we'll be right back.

1:33:19 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:24 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:26 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

1:33:29 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:46 Guest Thank you.

1:33:47 Adam You were a delight in meeting it.

1:33:49 Caller You know, she comes off the bench.

1:33:51 Caller She's three for three from the 3.1.

1:33:53 Guest Yeah.

1:33:53 Caller She went to the line twice.

1:33:54 Guest You guys are a lot, I have to say, to come into.

1:33:57 Adam Well, Jay really tends to stir things up. We're like a snow globe that's settled and Jay comes in and gives us a good shake.

1:34:05 Drew We don't talk.

1:34:07 Adam Normally, it's a lot of hand gestures and grunts. Go out and see the movie, seeing other people. It is coming out tomorrow. And look for Drew's movie, New York Minute, which has a couple gals called the Olsen Twins. Fantastic. I want to thank producer Anne. I want to thank producer Lauren. I want to thank engineer Chris. I want to thank engineer Anderson and I want to thank phone screener Brian. Until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:31 Caller Oh, to be a niggas hockey where the women shoot a bucky and the men say, whoa, wacky, whoa. Dr. Drew.

1:34:43 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, May 6, 2004