Episode 1000611703973

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:02 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, that's Dr. Drew. I don't know what that was.

1:07 Drew Was that us in here tonight?

1:10 Voiceover Music stopped. 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, digital med specialist, yeah?

1:16 Drew Yada yada yada.

1:17 Adam Yada yada yada. Oh, thank Christ, I can do this job in my sleep.

1:23 Drew Why, what's happening? What happened today?

1:24 Adam Nah, I've just been...

1:25 Drew Come on, what happened?

1:26 Adam Nothing, I've just been running around all day today.

1:28 Drew Well, it's been a nice, cool day. You know, I was in Santa Monica today, and it's almost bizarre how much nicer it is over there. You must wonder what the hell we're complaining about.

1:41 Adam I know, I know, here's the thing, and Drew and I never stop complaining about local weather. I complain so much about local weather. I'm angry at weathermen. I don't like them. It really works this way. I mean, you hear the weather report, it's like, well, it's gonna be 74 in Santa Monica, Marina Del Rey, getting up around 90, and then the valley's about 170 degrees. And it's always, and here's the one I wish it would do, don't start at the ocean. It seems good. You know, they go, well, we're looking for highs today for 73 in Santa Monica. You'll be experiencing 170 degrees. You know, they start, it sounds good. Oh, I like you here in the morning. 74 degrees in Santa Monica, oh. 87 in Whittier, 99 downtown, 114 at Adam's house. Yeah, that's how it goes each time.

2:35 Drew I have a patient whose daughter was in Wisconsin this week and it's snowing. Yeah, yeah. Oh. Yeah.

2:41 Adam You know, all I want, here's all I want. I'm sure everyone in Wisconsin is miserable. And then there's a people like Jack Osborne who was, you know, he spent so much time in England where it's, you know, gloomy and foggy and rainy all the time. He loves this super heat. You know what I'm saying? Weird. And by the way, Jack Osborne to me seems like a big dog. You know, he's got a lot of hair. He's got an extra layer of skin on him.

3:04 Drew He just stretches out.

3:05 Adam Seems like he's got to, it seemed like he should be playing with an empty keg in the pool all summer like the polar bears. I like the idea that the keg becomes the toy for the polar bears at the zoo. Who decided that? It's such a good message to the kids. Daddy, what's he playing? He's playing with that thing you drink out of in the pickup truck. Yes, that's his, that's his toy. And that's daddy's medicine. You see nature has a way, son. Yeah, the polar bear plays it. Polar bear never, never stops amusing itself trying to sink the unsinkable keg. Yeah, really. They should just go ahead and stencil soda or fresca on there. It sends a dangerous message. Yeah, one day, how can you tell a youngster many years later in college that a keger is bad when he grew up watching the polar bear play with the keg at the zoo? You're right. Yeah, so here's, what was I saying? Oh, here's what I'm saying. I wish there was just, here's all I wanna do. I want to sit in the sun and then run out and do a snow angel out in the snow and then jump into the jacuzzi and then it's back into the steam bath and it's over the sun and it's back in the snow again. That's what I want.

4:14 Drew You don't have to relentlessness.

4:15 Adam Yeah, my brain starts cooking. I just, I get high. I get miserable.

4:19 Drew I get irritable.

4:20 Adam And I just start wilting and I walk around and I look like a grilled cheese sandwich that got left on the hood of a car. I just, I start sweating. I start oozing, you know? But everyone in Wisconsin is probably miserable too.

4:33 Drew Cause it's cold.

4:34 Adam All I want is for 10 minutes, everyone from Wisconsin just come over here and hang out. We'll go dive in the snow of Wisconsin and then switch back. We could go back and forth enough, would be cool.

4:43 Drew So many things about life aren't perfect.

4:45 Adam We gotta work, we gotta work the weather wheel out. Yeah.

4:50 Drew All we need is a transporter.

4:52 Adam Yeah. Yeah. That transporter.

4:54 Drew That's coming.

4:55 Adam Well, looking at it this way, all that other crazy sci-fi stuff sort of came to fruition. You know what I mean?

5:02 Guest Well, not all of it, but- They still have doors.

5:05 Adam Well, they have doors with hinges instead of the apertures and the sliding ones that are powered by compressed air. But here's someone decided the hinge is going to go away in nine years after it's been around for 100,000 years. But here's the thing. They got, you know, if you start thinking about it, like, you know what I was thinking about? I was thinking about, remember all those movies like Blade Runner and all those futuristic movies you would watch? And one thing that struck you was like the advertisements in downtown, like the hovercrafts would be going down the street and there'd be these huge Pepsi holograms and stuff would be everywhere. Go down to Times Square.

5:45 Drew Or listen, Japan.

5:46 Adam Or go to Japan.

5:47 Drew That's where that's happening.

5:48 Adam I've never been in Japan, but go to Japan. Go to Japan, go to Times Square. Just watch, look at Los In Translation. And start looking at the size of these displays and what they're doing. And then go back and look at Blade Runner and some of these other things. And you start to realize some of this stuff seems like it's coming around a little bit. And then like, you know, you got a telephone that can take a movie now. You know what I mean? The communication stuff is kind of getting there. Telephone with pictures in it. You know, remember, that was a big deal. Because I see that it was somehow, it was a staple of all sci-fi movies where the person's head, usually the Imperial leader would be wearing something with a, never a collar. There's no big collars in space. It's a short Nehru-type collar that stands straight up. Yes, you're Inquisitor. You know, the guy would come in and be wearing sort of a half robe, half gi, half smock, and he'd have a message. People have to stand in front of the phone.

6:40 Drew Right.

6:42 Adam That to me always sounded like a bad idea. Look, I don't want to have to stand up and salute a box. But anyway, all that stuff's coming. So maybe the transporter, Drew.

6:51 Drew I'm up for it.

6:52 Adam We go to Wisconsin for 20 minutes.

6:54 Drew We'd go during the commercial breaks.

6:56 Adam Just dive in the snow. Yeah. Us, we'd probably land right in the middle of like a liquor store robbery. Or right in the middle of a frozen lake or something. Help, Mr. Wizard. All right. Chris, you know who Mr. Wizard is?

7:11 Drew Never heard of Tudor Turtle? No. Odie Colony? King Leonardo?

7:16 Adam Is that Odie Colony?

7:18 Guest No, I forgot about that. Yeah.

7:21 Adam Well, that's all right. I couldn't have ever heard of Clutch Cargo or any of those older ones. Palmer? You're 19?

7:30 Caller Yes, I am.

7:32 Adam What's up?

7:33 Caller Okay, today me and my girlfriend has sex in her pool.

7:36 Guest Yeah.

7:38 Caller What's that?

7:40 Drew Adam's into that.

7:42 Caller Oh, and I went inside of her.

7:44 Drew You went?

7:45 Caller And I was wondering if-

7:46 Adam Number one or number two?

7:48 Caller Both.

7:50 Adam Oh, yeah.

7:50 Caller I was wondering if the chlorine would kill the sperm.

7:55 Drew Or if I- Nothing will do nothing. She'll get pregnant in the pool just the way she got pregnant on land.

7:59 Adam Judging from your IQ, she's probably already given birth to the child, to the children. I mean, you had triplets. Where's Clovis?

8:12 Drew Why don't you get yourself the morning, gotta get the morning after pill for her, okay? Yeah, call 1-800-not-too-late, never too late. Take the pills today, take them again tomorrow, provide this half this evening, you reduce the risk of pregnancy by about 85, 90% if you do it next 24 hours.

8:30 Adam Paige.

8:31 Yes.

8:32 Adam You're 19?

8:33 Caller Yes, I am.

8:34 Adam What's up?

8:39 Caller What do you consider men who are into transsexuals?

8:46 Drew Female to male or male to female? And what is it about it that he likes?

8:56 Caller I don't know. I don't know.

8:58 Adam He likes a lot of keloids scarring around the vagina. That's my thing too.

9:07 Drew Okay.

9:08 Adam Here's the thing.

9:08 Drew That's very funny.

9:09 Adam I know we can't judge, but this guy's a nut job. I don't trust this guy.

9:15 Drew Well, but here's the thing. But think about it this way. That there are unique qualities to the people.

9:22 Caller Is there some sort of a psychological?

9:25 Drew Yeah, just listen to what I'm saying, Paige.

9:26 Adam Hey, shut up. You idiot.

9:29 Drew Ready?

9:30 Caller Ready.

9:31 Drew Okay. There are unique qualities to people that have-

9:37 Adam What goes on? Just shut your brain for a second, baby. We're done. Listen up. Go ahead, Drew. Yeah. All right, baby.

9:46 Drew There are unique qualities to people that have sexual identity and gender identity problems or disorders, okay? And whatever the circumstances are and the qualities that somebody brings to that circumstance, that problem can be attractive to people that have sort of complimentary issues. For instance, there are women that are very attracted to gay men. There are men that are very attracted to gay women. And this is a similar but certainly less common issue here that something about the pain of that syndrome triggers something in your boyfriend. He was traumatized in some way, a similar manner, and it results in as traction now that he's an adult.

10:20 Caller It's more of an attraction.

10:25 Drew I'm just saying. That could be considered an attraction.

10:27 Guest An attraction.

10:28 Drew I'm saying that's the point. It's a drive, it's a motivational priority built into something in him that is triggered within him by these people's issues.

10:37 Adam Whatever it is, Paige, this is probably more than you're How old is this guy?

10:43 Guest Ready to handle.

10:44 Caller 31 years old.

10:45 Adam 31.

10:46 Drew And you're 19.

10:47 Caller Yes.

10:48 Adam Why do you want this project? Yeah.

10:55 Caller I, he was my first love. I've been with him ever since I was 16.

10:59 Drew Yeah, he was a criminal. He was 28, you were 16. Yeah. He's a criminal.

11:05 Adam This guy's a piece of ass.

11:06 Drew Yeah, he's a piece of ass. He's a criminal. And whatever it is, think about what in you attracts you to him. That's the same kind of phenomenon in him that's going on towards these transsexuals. You, like a criminal, a whole abuser.

11:20 Adam You're nobody to him either. You just, you just chunk up chum.

11:25 Yeah.

11:25 Adam He's just 16. This guy, and he's cheating on you.

11:29 Drew With transsexuals.

11:30 Yeah. He, he, yes, he had, we, we, um, we're not really together.

11:37 Caller We're still involved, but, um.

11:40 Drew Hey, cut it out.

11:41 Adam What, what are you doing? What's wrong with you?

11:43 Caller I don't know what I'm doing. I'm, I don't know.

11:46 Adam I know. Something's wrong. What's up?

11:48 Drew Horribly, horribly. Do you guys share drugs together or something?

11:51 This guy's a piece of junk.

11:52 Adam Yeah. What are you doing?

11:54 No, we don't.

11:55 We don't.

11:56 We both don't use any drugs. We never have.

11:58 Adam Wow. You sure act high. So what's around? Are you big and fat? Did you get burned in a refinery fire? Did your dad just stand over you and beat you with a belt and yell at you how ugly you were your whole life or what something was wrong with you? All right, well, then stop it. Just go find a normal guy.

12:20 Caller I don't know how to move on from it.

12:23 Adam Well, you know what it is? Here's why you're stuck. Here's where everyone gets stuck. People that have lives don't get stuck nearly as easily. And even if they do get a little emotionally stuck, they end up moving forward anyway because their life is moving forward. It's such a rapid pace that they can't help but move away from the train wreck that was their last relationship. Something's not right. Going to junior college, you got some crappy job. What's not going right with your life?

12:50 Drew Well, you're 19. Why don't you move out?

12:52 Adam Move out. Do you work? Yes.

12:58 Drew You shouldn't be trying to save money. You should be trying to find somebody to go share an apartment with. Right. I don't know who she'd find to do that with.

13:02 Adam And by the way, you don't need any money. You need a couple hundred bucks and a roommate. You get right out of there. Get out. Wait, do you go to junior college?

13:12 Caller No, I just graduated high school actually.

13:14 Drew Kind of work to do.

13:16 Caller I'm a dancer.

13:17 Drew Uh-oh.

13:18 Adam Uh-oh. Now tap, modern, ballet, jazz, what?

13:22 Caller Exotic dancer.

13:23 Adam Exotic. Exotic. Totally naked? Where do you work? I know, but that's just what you guys like. I'm a fat Mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache and a mustache Some people were lightweights, and some people were lightweights, couldn't handle it, they were weak or something. They had all that sort of junky stigma stuff, which is the guy that was sweating profusely in the music was around him, and he was walking like a zombie.

19:23 Drew Right, it was all sort of a drag net world. People that did too many drugs were just criminals. They were just something wrong with them.

19:30 Adam Just bikers and delinquents and homicidal and suicidal.

19:34 Drew Yeah, the addiction was not even a concept.

19:38 Adam No, you were just, you just had a problem with morality and nothing to do with addiction. Well, not even weakness, like you chose this life like you choose a life of crime. It was like you choose to rob banks, you choose to do drugs, you're on the lam, you should be treated the same way.

19:56 Drew That's right.

19:56 Adam And by the way, you kind of were, you just, you know, lock you up. Go track you down and lock you up. So, I mean, if you're some 15 year old that had a problem with something back then.

20:05 Drew You would never come to light, never be discussed.

20:07 Adam No. On the other hand, they didn't have all that yummy Oxycontin and all that kind of stuff in the Vicodin. We just had ludes, dude.

20:15 Drew I wrote another book, by the way, it's called, When Pain-

20:17 Adam You wrote a book?

20:18 Drew Yeah, I wrote a book called When Pain Killers Become Dangerous. And it's with the Hazelton people, it's coming out in about a month.

20:23 Adam Hold on, he just wrote a third. Is there a third one you just wrote?

20:26 Drew No, I'm about to crap one out.

20:30 Adam It's like a dog having a litter with you.

20:33 Drew What's it gonna go on? Yeah. I'm working on my third.

20:35 Adam Here's the ceiling, five books a year. That's Max. Steve Allen didn't write as many books as you. Chris, you ever heard of Steve Allen?

20:46 Drew That's right.

20:49 Adam That's all right, close enough.

20:50 Drew That's really funny. Yeah. You gotta tell him who Steve Allen is, please. I can't, we can't go through life with Chris Dutton.

20:56 Adam The grandfather of talk shows.

20:58 Drew He was the original tonight. He was the second tonight show host.

21:00 Adam Remember the Mocha Mix commercial?

21:02 Drew Mr. Coffee?

21:04 Guest No, that's Joe DiMaggio.

21:06 Drew I think Steve Allen, they went to.

21:07 Guest He did Mocha Mix.

21:08 Drew Yeah, the Mocha Mix, you're right.

21:09 Adam Are you listening to me? Start listening. All right, now we're, look, what about this check?

21:15 Drew That's the next segment.

21:16 Adam Really? It's got a brain tumor?

21:18 Drew Next segment.

21:21 Adam Jeff?

21:22 Yeah, here I am.

21:23 Adam You're 21?

21:24 Caller Yeah.

21:25 Adam What's up?

21:26 Caller Well, basically, I mean, I've been diagnosed with OCD and like, I'm just known to be like a paranoid guy, but I think I have like a legitimate argument because my girlfriend's sister, she's been with a lot of guys and like, I heard like 35 at least. And I'm afraid that like-

21:48 Drew Uncle Frank's been with 500 women.

21:50 Adam And no one knows who Uncle Frank is. Do you know who Uncle Frank is, Jeff?

21:55 Caller No.

21:57 Adam Drew's never, ever, even, you know, here's the thing that I like about Drew, by the way. I'm sure plenty of people listening to this show know that Jimmy Kimmel's show and anyone who knows Jimmy Kimmel's show knows Uncle Frank. Or if you heard this show, you heard Drew talking about Uncle Frank the other night. And so there's a one in five chance or four chance the person on the airline would know what Drew's talking about.

22:18 Drew I'll never hit that person.

22:22 Guest Never, ever.

22:24 Drew Feels good.

22:25 Adam It's nice to be good at something, or at least consistent.

22:28 Drew Reliable, yeah, consistent.

22:30 Adam This guy's like a Swiss timepiece.

22:33 Guest He was never right.

22:35 Adam All right, go ahead. Hey Jeff.

22:37 Caller What's up?

22:37 Adam You know, I think we're gonna start playing tonight, by the way, and I'm hearing your question. We're gonna start playing Veal or Venison.

22:43 Drew Yes.

22:43 Adam Yes.

22:44 Caller Veal or Venison.

22:45 Adam Yes, do you know what Veal is?

22:48 Caller I know it's a type of meat, like a delicacy kind of, right?

22:52 Adam Right, type of meat.

22:53 Drew Uh-huh, where does meat come from?

22:54 Adam Is it deer?

22:56 Drew Deer, Veal is deer.

22:58 Adam And Venison?

23:00 Caller Venison, isn't it like a baby calf, or something like a baby calf?

23:06 Drew Fascinating.

23:06 Adam Wow.

23:07 Drew Fascinating. It's the first time we've got those.

23:09 Adam Yeah, you just, yeah, and well, Chris, you know, Veal or Venison?

23:15 Caller Nope. Not at all? The Veal is that, I don't know.

23:21 Drew Lord.

23:22 Adam I'm retarded.

23:23 Drew How about Venison? Give us a guess. You have to guess, it's the game.

23:27 Adam You don't know Veal. Oh yeah, you gotta guess.

23:29 Caller Wait, okay, the Veal is kind of like a fish.

23:31 And Venison, I'm never gonna guess.

23:33 Adam You gotta put a guess.

23:35 Drew Venison.

23:36 Caller Deer.

23:38 Adam There you go. Solid. Hey, maybe he's just calling us by our pet names.

23:44 Caller What's up?

23:45 Adam I'm sorry, let's figure out your proms. So you got OCD, your girlfriend.

23:50 Drew Girlfriend, sister. What is your question?

23:53 Caller All right, my question is like, is it probable that just by my girlfriend living with her, you know, sharing the same restroom, accidentally the same hygiene products by chance, I'm afraid that I might, you know, contract something because she might contract something.

24:12 Adam No, no, no, well, look, it's, it's, I don't want to tell you it's mathematically possible for her sister if in fact she had something like vaginal herpes to do the old wet towel belt drive action through the cooch and then throw it immediately to her girlfriend or sister to do the exact same.

24:34 Drew I mean, it's all essentially unheard of. You don't get it from, it's possible to get it from wet towels, possibly get crabs from, vegetables and things. But look, if she has these things, no way. Listen, think about how frequent and common sexually transmitted diseases are. Have you ever met anyone who's gotten it through anything other than sexual contact? No. There you go.

24:55 Adam We're gonna take a break. When we come back, we can continue the veal and venison. Yeah. I can't remember what the third one we did was, but it always interests me to find out who knows what veal is and who knows what venison is. We're gonna speak to Ashley as a brain tumor. All right?

25:13 Guest All that after this.

25:16 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

25:38 Adam It's a good party over there, Dr. Drew. Good engineer Chris over here. We got junior. Junior, producer, Lauren Mann in the helm tonight. Got the engineer Anderson over there back at the home station, Westwood too. It looks like a picture, a horribly built 70s ski chalet that a guy took a crap on.

26:20 Drew Made of scrap, scraps lying around somebody's torn down old outhouse.

26:25 Adam Built by a drunken old hack.

26:27 Drew Yeah, that would be about it.

26:28 Adam Some of the worst carpentry I've ever seen in an actually standing building. Now I've seen worse in buildings that actually were in time.

26:35 Drew Well, you remember none of the wall, none of the stuff you used to come in about, it supported any weight.

26:39 Adam Junk.

26:39 Drew You just sort of threw it through the wall.

26:41 Adam It was freestanding junk. Yes, Anderson, do me a favor. Spit on the ground right now where you stand. Thank you. All right. So thank God we're out of that hell hole. Ashley?

26:55 Hey.

26:55 Adam You're 18? What's up?

26:59 I was just going to ask Dr. Drew about a pituitary tumor I have. Back in last March of 2003, I was getting like these really, really horrible headaches and they're just happening all the time. So I had to go to the neurologist and I've gotten CT scans, MRIs, and anything you can pretty much name. And so last November, they found a tumor about four or three millimeters big and it grew a millimeter, but they think that has nothing to do with my headache.

27:31 Drew Right. Those are, those are incidental. They're pretty common in the pituitary.

27:34 Adam They are.

27:35 That's what they're saying that they found it just because they're looking for my headaches.

27:39 Drew Yeah.

27:42 Adam They call microadnomas and they're using non-functional.

27:45 Yeah. Yeah. It was getting bigger, but then I just had another one and it stayed about the same, but I tried like so many different medicines that it's ridiculous and some of them are just starting to not even work for me anymore.

27:58 Drew For your headaches?

27:59 Yeah. Just, well, cause I get them every day and the only thing that works for me is Fiorina with coding.

28:05 Adam No?

28:05 I know. Yeah. I know that's bad, but that's the only one that actually works for me. Why?

28:09 Adam What's wrong with that one, Drew?

28:10 Drew That's profoundly addictive.

28:12 Yes, it is.

28:14 Adam Mm-hmm.

28:16 Drew Thumbs up, Ashley. Something more here.

28:18 Adam What?

28:18 Drew What's up? How's your sleep?

28:21 Actually, I can fall asleep pretty well, and only sometimes I wake up during the night.

28:26 Drew From the headache?

28:27 From the headache, yeah.

28:28 Drew And do you have a lot of tension in your life, a lot of stress?

28:31 I don't think so, but I guess it has a little bit of it. Like, I don't really realize it.

28:38 Drew Are you a trauma survivor at any time? Anything happen growing up? No.

28:49 Adam Hey, Ashley?

28:50 Yeah.

28:51 Adam You know that, what's, oh yeah, we forgot about one. You know, there's between Veal and Venison?

28:59 Isn't Veal meat or something?

29:01 Drew Meat, yeah, right.

29:05 Adam Yeah.

29:06 Isn't that like baby cow, cab?

29:10 Adam Venison?

29:11 No idea. All right.

29:12 Drew You have to, you have to, That's not bad. You have to pause it and answer, though.

29:15 Adam You have to, you have to give an, yeah, you have to give an answer on Venison.

29:20 Baby deer.

29:22 Drew Baby deer.

29:23 Adam What's coming around? What about calamari?

29:26 Drew Fish egg.

29:28 Adam It's really like a big, big national mad lib. Now listen, Anderson, I'm not going to read the whole goddamn menu to them. Anderson's screaming stuff in my ear.

29:38 Drew Mine too. Actually, this is a-

29:40 Adam A pork fried rice.

29:42 Drew You had a question about Nuva Ring also? Caviar.

29:44 Oh, yeah. How effective is that? Because the only reason I can't get on the pill is because I'm taking Depakote also, and that just, I guess, does something to your liver. And if I take the pill, then it will eat it faster through my liver. And so I would give it a-

30:01 Drew You could probably still- Well, first of all, it is the same thing as the birth control pill. It's just absorbed through your vagina. It's a ring you stick in there once a month. You know, people don't have to remember. And they- I was just reading online, they have a computer system that will remind you every month when it's time to change your ring.

30:16 Adam By what, on your computer?

30:18 Drew Yeah. On mine. It'll notify me when everyone needs to, each woman needs to change their ring.

30:22 Adam Well, there's a computer system, you said. To me, it sounds, I don't know, like something comes up and they-

30:28 Drew It's a soft ring.

30:28 Adam People start calling people. What happens to it? Does it dissolve?

30:35 Drew I think it just gets replaced. I've not prescribed it.

30:38 Adam Do you pull the bones of the old one out?

30:40 Drew Yeah.

30:41 Adam You do? Oh, really? But it's coated with hormones?

30:45 Drew Yeah.

30:45 Adam And how, what about the new IUD?

30:50 Drew What about it?

30:51 Adam That's coming back, right?

30:52 Drew Yeah, coming back. It still scare me because I had such horrible experiences in the 80s with them.

30:55 Adam I know, but think about how much they had to do with those things in order to have the way those to bring those back onto the market.

31:02 Drew How safe they have to be. Yeah, people weren't around on the day of the Dalcon Shield when huge companies were destroyed by lawsuits.

31:10 Guest Giant companies.

31:11 Adam Well, I add that to our list. Venison Veal and the Dalcon Shield.

31:15 Drew Dalcon Shield.

31:16 Adam So, I don't know. What's her deal, Drew? She's cool, right? It's all cool. Diana?

31:22 Drew Well, the headaches need to be dealt with. I'm hoping the death code is for the headaches.

31:27 Adam Deanna?

31:28 Uh-huh.

31:29 Adam No, who cares?

31:30 Drew What's up?

31:31 Well, okay, I've been hearing around school more than one friend, actually. Told me if you don't have sex for a long time, which is like a month, it feels better. It's like worth the wait.

31:44 Adam Is there, do you spell Deanna and Diana differently?

31:48 Guest One's D-E-A-N-N-A.

31:50 Yeah, my name is spelled D-E-A-N-N-A.

31:52 Drew Okay, here's the thing, Deanna. For a guy, it's all the same no matter what. He'll just be more desperate to get it done.

32:01 Caller Yeah.

32:01 Drew It's not that you can make it feel better. But the fact that you're looking for something to feel better suggests that this is not an enjoyable experience for you and maybe you shouldn't be doing it. And in fact, most 16, 17, 18 year olds don't enjoy having intercourse, women. It's not, some, about less than 5% will orgasm. And the rest just kind of don't feel much of anything. Wonder what the big deal is.

32:27 Guest Deanna, do you have a boyfriend?

32:31 Adam You guys having sex on a regular basis?

32:35 Caller Well, the longest we haven't had sex was like for like two weeks probably.

32:41 Adam You sound like a young 17 year old.

32:44 Caller Yeah, I get that a lot.

32:46 Adam Yeah, sounds sort of naive or something.

32:49 Drew Why is that?

32:52 Adam Well, why does she, why would she know? You know what I mean? Yeah, it's like asking a dog why it can't talk. Can it answer?

33:01 Drew No.

33:02 Adam Deanna, you a senior in high school now?

33:05 Caller Yeah.

33:06 Adam You're going to graduate?

33:07 Caller Mm-hmm.

33:07 Guest What are you going to do after you graduate?

33:10 Caller Go to college.

33:12 Guest Which one?

33:13 Caller The sucky one that's here.

33:17 Adam Don't waste your time with that. You're not a good student, are you? You are?

33:22 Caller Uh-huh.

33:23 Adam Why aren't you going to a good college then?

33:24 Caller Well, because my mom wants me to stay here.

33:28 Adam So, uh... Where's your dad?

33:30 Caller My dad's here, but my mom and dad are divorced.

33:33 Adam Oh, okay.

33:34 Drew Why are you so dependent on your mom?

33:36 Caller Oh, I don't know. I've always been a mommy's girl.

33:40 Adam Okay. And you're a good student.

33:42 Caller Yeah.

33:44 Drew Maybe it's time to sort of liberate a little bit, mature and differentiate from your mom. You sound like you're still, like, seven. Did something happen to you when you were seven? Did something happen bad when you were seven?

33:57 Caller Nope. No, not really.

33:58 Adam You didn't get attacked by a Kodiak bear or anything like that?

34:02 Caller No?

34:03 Adam Well, she's just naive. All right, but don't you want to go to a good college somewhere instead of staying in town and going to the sucky college?

34:11 Caller I actually want to go to San Antonio.

34:13 Adam All right. Well, maybe you should think about that.

34:15 Caller Yeah.

34:16 Adam Did you take the SATs?

34:18 Caller Yeah.

34:19 Adam What'd you get?

34:23 Caller A pretty low grade, actually.

34:25 Drew Thought you were a good student.

34:26 Caller Yeah, I like I've done all my work, but then I got kind of slacked off at the end.

34:31 Drew And what did you get in the SAT?

34:35 Caller A bad grade.

34:37 Drew But how could you be a good student and get a horrible grade?

34:40 Adam Some people have a bad, bad adding.

34:42 Drew No, not a horrible SAT.

34:43 Adam Did you get in the eights?

34:45 Caller Mm-hmm.

34:46 Drew 800?

34:48 Caller Total?

34:49 Drew Total?

34:50 Adam Well, yeah. Total. Come on, don't make her feel bad. That's not bad. Well, Chris got a 537 over here. That was the third time he took it. All right, buddy? What'd you get? Sure. What? She's a good student. I told you she was a good student. I knew she. All right, Drew, what do you want? Drew, what'd you get on the SATs? Didn't keep score back then, did they?

35:14 Drew No, no, still didn't have numbers yet.

35:15 Adam You got a piece of bark with a Roman numeral carved into it?

35:18 Drew No, no, just scratches.

35:19 Adam Scratches.

35:20 Drew No numbers.

35:22 Adam Then invented numbers that had Roman numerals, surely.

35:24 Drew No, not yet.

35:25 Adam You had like a few Xs and a V or something?

35:27 Drew No, they just show these apples.

35:29 Adam I show pictures.

35:29 Drew They have loads of bread and stuff.

35:31 Adam Carved into a tablet.

35:33 Drew They're like Moses. Picture me by it like that.

35:36 Adam I'm a glyphic Drew? All right. He was walking like an Egyptian a second ago, everybody. You missed it. All right, I tell Deanna, that's a good stunt.

35:46 Drew Excellent. You did, you got that right out of her.

35:49 Adam She slacked off a little at the end. That's all.

35:51 Drew It got in the...

35:52 Adam That's right, her mom wanted her to stay home.

35:54 Drew Wow.

35:55 Adam Okay, she's going...

35:56 Drew You know what? I get incensed slash frustrated by distorted self-concepts. You want to shake people and go, hey, how could you get people to change if their self-concept is so distorted? That's not who you are. If you want to be that great, be that.

36:12 Adam Deanna's not, Deanna, you're not going to a good college, not because your mom wants you to stay behind in Texas, but because you got like an 8'11.

36:20 Drew You have a zero chance of going anywhere else because you're not living up to what you want to be.

36:25 Adam Only if you're like 110% Iroquois Indian or something, maybe you could get into a state school with that. But even that, you'd have to go in a full ceremonial headdress and like actually play, hey, you'd have to actually produce rain in the dean's office.

36:41 Drew I think you have to claim you're a Creek and actually have to make issue with the Creek Massacre.

36:58 Adam And then like you'd have your translator there. His men have lived in this area and farmed these fields for many months.

37:08 Drew You built the school on his sacred territory.

37:17 Adam He wants to try out for the softball team. He wants to know where the cafeteria is.

37:31 Drew Go ahead and take a break here. Yeah.

37:34 Adam We'll be right back after this. Hey, yo, Loveline. I'm Adam Nats, Dr. Drew. Oh, number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1-er. Jay Moore coming in here later on in the week. And-

38:05 Drew He stars in this movie, seeing other people.

38:07 Adam Oh, yeah. Jay's done quite a few movies. Yeah? Well, Drew, now that you're starring in your-

38:16 Drew Star, yeah. My own, yeah.

38:17 Adam Yeah, I mean, you must make the scene.

38:19 Drew Oh, yeah, yeah, it'll be me.

38:21 Adam Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All right, so you probably see Jay at all the parties and everything.

38:26 Guest Mm-hmm.

38:26 Drew Oh, me and Jay, just like that.

38:28 Guest Mm-hmm.

38:29 Drew Partying, that's me.

38:30 Adam Mm-hmm.

38:31 Guest Jessica?

38:32 Yeah?

38:33 Adam You're 17?

38:34 Caller 19.

38:35 Guest That's right.

38:37 Adam What's up?

38:39 Caller I came home from work early the other day, and I caught my boyfriend wearing my underwear, and I'm just, I was kind of freaked out about it. Like, I didn't know why he would do that, and it just kind of creeped me out, and I was wondering if you guys like, because I know everybody talks about this, and I didn't know what to do.

38:58 Adam Now, how does that work where you pop him for something like this?

39:03 Caller What?

39:04 Adam How does it work? You actually come in through the front door of the apartment?

39:08 Drew He's mincing about in front of the television?

39:10 Caller Where is he? He was upstairs in the back bedroom.

39:14 Drew Sleeping?

39:15 Caller And I came home. No, he was awake.

39:17 Drew Masturbating, what was he doing?

39:18 Caller No, he was just looking in the mirror and just trying on different things. There was three or four different panties on the counter and he had on one pair and it was just, he was just sleeping there.

39:32 Adam Here's what I'm saying. When a man is doing this kind of stuff, he has to be like a cat when it's walking on a fence over a yard that has dogs in it. One pow, pow. You know what I mean? Hear a door unlock. I could hear the tumblers in a deadbolt. You know what I mean?

39:51 Guest I'd hear the key going in before it even turned.

39:54 Drew Each tumbler's, boom, boom, boom, boom.

39:57 Adam And then when he flipped the light on, it sounds like stadium lights, everything.

40:04 Drew But here's the deal. Whatever he said, Jessica, it doesn't matter. Because the reality is he-

40:10 Caller He wasn't freaked out about it. He wasn't really upset and like, oh baby, I'm so sorry or anything like that. He was just like, oh hey, acted like nothing was wrong.

40:19 Adam Interesting ploy, interesting ploy. But I still can't figure out the part where he doesn't hear the front door open and close.

40:27 Drew He doesn't care. It's hard to believe, but be that as it may, that he's doing things, his central nervous system is forcing him to do stuff which is not rational. So for him to start to come up with explanations are his more rational parts of his brain trying to come to terms with what the more primitive parts are driving him to do. So whatever he said is the reason for it, it's just nonsense.

40:51 Caller See, is that like a transvestite?

40:55 Caller Like is he a transvestite or is he a transdresser?

40:58 Drew No, he's a crossdresser.

40:59 Yeah, yeah.

41:00 Drew It's kind of a fetish. It's something that gives him a sense of sexual arousal and it's something.

41:04 Adam What kind of porn does he look at?

41:08 Caller Regular straight porn or women on women.

41:10 Adam All right, and how are you guys doing in the sack?

41:14 Caller We've been great. Like there's nothing, yeah, nothing lacking there.

41:19 Adam All right, and how old is he?

41:21 Caller He's 21.

41:23 Adam Is he doing all right?

41:25 Caller Yeah, I guess. All right as anybody could be.

41:28 Drew What does that mean?

41:29 Adam What's he doing at home all day?

41:31 Caller At home? No, he just had the day off from work.

41:34 Drew What kind of work does he do?

41:35 Caller He works construction.

41:39 Guest Oh man, if the guys on the site could see that.

41:41 Drew If you ever get mad at him, Jessica.

41:42 Adam Oh, you just go right on down to that site.

41:45 Drew You may take pictures. That's how you should have that. If his behavior gets out of line. She's got it.

41:50 Adam Really?

41:52 Caller So is it like an acceptable thing? Should I bring it up again and ask him what's going on?

41:58 Adam I think it is perfectly, if he seems comfortable with it and you can do it in a way. He's not going to have an answer, but what I mean is.

42:05 Drew It means something.

42:05 Adam It means something. If you can present it in a way that doesn't feel like an attack.

42:11 Drew What can he explain? He can't explain.

42:12 Adam And you can say like, yeah, but you know, what's it feel like to you?

42:16 Drew What are we going to say? Are we going to reserve this for Valentine's Day and my birthday? What are you going to do?

42:21 Adam I don't, I don't know.

42:24 Drew He's going to start wearing it under clothes and stuff. It could get spiral out of it, the stuff.

42:28 Adam I do know it does mean something. And can you control it? Should you try to control it?

42:36 Drew I think the important thing is to try to keep your relationship stable and genuinely intimate. If you, not I mean physically intimate, I mean emotionally intimate. If you can be close and be appreciative and you know, there can be an exchange of emotions that is genuine, well then this will kind of settle down, I suspect.

42:51 Adam Yeah, right.

42:51 Drew But I don't think that's really possible.

42:53 Adam I just hope he starts wearing it into work. Dakota?

42:59 Drew Yeah?

43:00 Adam Yep, you're 23.

43:01 Caller Yes.

43:02 Adam What's up?

43:03 Caller I was wondering, I have this habit, well it's kind of hard to talk about. When I'm nervous, I tend to dig at my skin, but I wanted to know, I was on Xanax for a long, long, long time, but not on it anymore. Sort of just continued off of it. And went through the withdrawal and everything, so that was one thing that stopped it, but now I, you know, I told my psychologist that I did this after like months of therapy, and all he could say was, well, don't do it. I wanted to know if there's anything out there that I could take the-

43:36 Drew Medication-wise?

43:38 Caller Yeah, medication-wise.

43:39 Adam To stop picking at yourself?

43:40 Drew There actually are a number of different things. Do you pull your hair, that sort of thing too?

43:43 Caller No.

43:43 Drew You don't pluck your eyebrows.

43:45 Adam Do you start with something when you pick at your skin?

43:49 Caller I don't know, it's like a control issue with me. I don't know, it clears up, and then it's superficial, and then-

43:54 Adam I know, but are you going at a zit, or are you just going at-

43:57 Caller No, I don't have to act me like that.

44:00 Drew You don't believe you're picking something out of your skin?

44:02 Caller Yeah, just that, and then I would get like, they'd put me on Percocet, and then I'd be off Percocet, and then I was on Percocet for three, four years, and then-

44:10 Drew So you're a drug addict.

44:12 Caller But I mean, it's like, now, I'll do it, and then it'd be so painful.

44:16 Drew Well, here's the deal. All kinds of symptoms. If you're a drug addict, and you're off drugs, and you haven't replaced that with something, amazing symptoms can occur. A whole array of symptoms.

44:26 Adam Why would they put her on Percocet?

44:27 Drew Mm-hmm, pain. But she's a drug addict, and she also has, this is a-

44:32 Adam You pick when you're on drugs?

44:34 Drew Well, this is somebody who's got lots of psychiatric problems. This is more than the usual Loveline caller.

44:41 Adam I'm telling you, I went at that thing I thought with my eye, I thought it was an ingrown hair.

44:44 Drew Yeah.

44:45 Adam Yeah, turned out it wasn't.

44:46 Drew Yeah, no kidding.

44:47 Guest Yeah, I went at it.

44:49 Adam Somebody had looked like-

44:50 Drew Like you're gonna get a brain abscess, right?

44:51 Adam Larry Holmes after 15 rounder.

44:53 Drew I saw it and said, look at it all night.

44:55 Adam Yeah, it's awesome. But look at me, I'm all back together again.

44:58 Drew Yeah, amazing.

44:58 Adam Looking good, huh? Feeling good. Let me tell you guys, look, I don't know, what should she do about her picking?

45:04 Drew Well, again, she's a complicated situation. I don't know what, you know, she obviously needs to talk to her doctors about what the issues are that she's contending with. She has some significant psychiatric problems. She may have some obsessive-compulsive issues. And it sounds like she has addiction sort of woven in here. She may have what we call a dual diagnosis problem, but getting some specific treatment for your addiction may be important in decreasing this tendency to pick.

45:27 Adam All right, let me tell you guys what to do with the zit now that we're talking about.

45:30 Guest Well, you got a little time to kill before we go to break.

45:36 Drew Dakota?

45:37 Caller Yes.

45:38 Adam All right, Veal and Venison, what's the difference?

45:42 Caller I've eaten a Veal, I think it's baby calf, and I think Venison is deer meat.

45:47 Adam That's right, baby doll. We're gonna send you out a pair of Loveline tweezers. All right, take care of yourself. Drug acts are smarter than the non-chunkies in society. You notice that?

46:02 Drew People with addiction tend to be smarter. That's true.

46:05 Adam Oh, they are. It's definitely, a more advanced mind is a more tortured one. I mean, it's like the higher, it's like the higher horsepower your brain is, also the more horsepower you have to turn it on yourself. You don't see lizards effing with themselves. Reptiles don't sit there and just think they're fat and pick and blame their parents and worry about a cruel universe. They just worry about eating their next dragonfly. But when you get smart, that's when you get tortured. That's why I'm so tortured, Drew.

46:41 Drew I know, I knew that was coming.

46:42 Adam That's why you're happy. That's why you're happy.

46:44 Drew I'm happy, yeah.

46:45 Adam That's why you're happy because you don't know. You're just like a lizard sunning itself on a rock. Whereas I'm like one of these guys with the huge foreheads with the veins pulsing out of it who has the weight of the world on my shoulders. Yes?

46:57 Drew Yes, that's it.

46:58 Adam All right, you wanna go number one?

47:00 Drew No, I just did. I wanna sit here for a minute. No, well, we're going number one. We're going number one.

47:04 Adam We're going number one. All right, we'll be back.

47:06 Caller All right, guys, bottom line, here's the deal. Looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person, one call is all you need to make. Call the dateline. 877-889-DATE. Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

47:22 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:42 Adam Love Line Fast Growing Outlaw, right out of North America. This close to dropping trowel.

48:02 Drew You say you're going to do that.

48:07 Adam I'll drop trowel right now. I got to tell you, thank you for listening right now. I tell you, I got Jay Moore coming in. Funny, funny, funny man coming in a little bit later in the week. I'm Ace Corolla's good partner over there, Dr. Drew, 722-22-77. I tell you, we got news, travel, and weather coming up at the top of the hour. A little breakdown, temperature in the Southland, 74 in Norwalk, 74 in Marina Del Way, 74 in Van Nuys, Sherman Oaks area coming in to 74, Burbank 74, Van Nuys, I mentioned Van Nuys. Still checking in, came back again. Sometimes they check in every four or five seconds. What's that? Hold on, this just in, 74 again in Van Nuys. All right, Cerritos, Montclair area coming in at 74 degrees, Pasadena, Drew's hometown. Let me check that one up. Coming in 99 degrees, no correction, 74 degrees, 74 degrees all around the Southland, 722-275-725. Let's hop back to the phones. Let me say that, Drew's scared.

49:02 Drew It's May and we're running the air conditioning 24-7 in our house. That is ridiculous. That is ridiculous.

49:09 Adam Oh, it is so MF'ing hot. It's crazy weirdo hot out there. Just get in your car, you know, it's a nice sensation when you've had that bottled water sitting on the passenger seat and you jump into the car and you grab the bottled water, take a swig out of it, burn your hand on it, you open it, a little cloud of steam comes out of it. It's crazy. It's like, yeah, we're barely out of April and the stuff's boiling inside the bottle. As a matter of fact, you know, I should save some money just to start using seawater and just put it there and just have it just boil off.

49:45 Drew Evaporate.

49:47 Adam Start a little desalination plant. Yeah.

49:49 Drew That's good.

49:50 Adam It'd be great. Where are we, Drew?

49:52 Drew There we go. Listen.

49:54 Adam Did I get the time out? The weather and traffic?

49:56 Drew Yeah. By the way, just for those of you.

49:59 Adam Show and go on the 405.

50:00 Drew Adam, during the break, let out a huge fart, walked right into the cloud from hell, this skanky ass, horrible smelling thing. I screamed in horror, and he said it was the microwave, denied it. What's the matter with you?

50:16 Adam The microwave in the kitchen here smells like someone put a hobo in there and blew him up. What's worse than a radio station microwave, smells like hell in there.

50:29 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Always.

50:31 Adam What is that?

50:32 Drew It's ancient Lipton soup caked into the wall.

50:35 Adam Yeah. It just smells like.

50:37 Drew And with popcorn.

50:40 Adam It's a cup of noodle meets top rum and meets popcorn meets Lipton meets something rancid and it's rancid in there. Yeah.

50:48 Drew But this was not that. This was Corolla fart. And it repelled me and you didn't take credit for it.

50:54 Adam I was smelling the microwave at that point. By the way, it kind of sucks when you're trying to heat up your coffee and something smells like ass. Like, here's a container that smells like ass. I'm going to put my coffee in there and put an open coffee mug in there and put it in there for about three minutes.

51:09 Guest It could have been my ass.

51:10 Adam It could have been. Oh my God. 722-22. Melissa? You're 28?

51:18 Caller Yes, I am.

51:19 Adam What's up, baby doll?

51:20 Caller Hi. I'm concerned because I was giving Fallaccio tonight to my lover and he ejaculated in my eye.

51:31 Drew Well, said individual under said circumstances.

51:35 Adam How did he do that? He didn't give you a heads up.

51:40 Caller We do penis worship and so like he let me know like, yes, can he come on my face? And I said, sure. Hold on.

51:50 Adam Hold on. And by the way, we do penis worship. Whatever you guys do, it was long after we began it. You know what I'm saying?

52:04 Drew What is that? What are you talking about?

52:07 Adam How do you do penis worship?

52:09 Caller Like, like basically, like I just drop to my knees and just enjoy his manhood because it's so fabulous. Yeah.

52:19 Adam I think I'm turning the corner on this one. You got a big ass?

52:24 Caller Well, no, I'm not fat.

52:25 Adam But big ass. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I hear, got popped in the eye, I put on ten pounds right there. Why? Yeah, it's just, skinny gal won't put up with that. And then I hear penis worship, pow, put on thirty.

52:46 Caller Guys, she said phalumptuous and she said, what was the first one she said?

52:50 Adam Phalatio. I, I'm ignoring her with the phalumptuous and the phalatio just because.

52:57 Drew It's so bizarre. It's so like, what are we going to do with that?

53:01 Adam And I thought she was talking about Vegas Hotel.

53:04 Guest Well, okay.

53:06 Adam I, anyway.

53:07 Guest I like the words I use.

53:08 Caller I, I, I call it the d-word, but.

53:10 Drew She reminds me, she reminds me of the character that like, uh, Damon Waynes would play on the.

53:15 Guest In Living Colors.

53:15 Drew Living Colors, a criminal that was using big words and didn't understand what they meant.

53:19 Caller Are you going to have like a detached retina or what?

53:22 Drew Yeah, retina.

53:23 Adam You'll be fine.

53:24 Drew You'll be fine. Yeah, Melissa, just a word of advice. Really understand vocabulary before you attempt to use.

53:29 Adam Yeah, I think she's screwing around. I think she's having fun.

53:32 Drew Retina.

53:32 Yeah.

53:34 Adam What does she do with retina?

53:35 Drew Here's the deal. Uh, you actually can get infectious diseases of the eye from what you've done. Uh, chlamydia of the eye is a relatively common thing. Gonorrhea. Gonorrhea of the eye. You're telling me. Herpes of the eye. You're telling me. Herpes of the eye.

53:49 Adam Herpes of the eye.

53:50 Drew Herpes of the eye. Herpes of the eye. Herpes of the eye.

54:05 Adam You do penis worship, though, but that's just giving a guy a hellacious BJ, right?

54:10 Caller Well, it's kind of a twisted thing, because where I work, he's one of the top people, and I'm one of the lowest people, so we kind of role play, you know?

54:19 Adam Yeah. Oh, I like that. It's sexy. What kind of place do you work at?

54:25 Caller At a hospital.

54:28 Drew That's not necessarily good.

54:29 Adam That's not bad.

54:30 Drew People, if he's in a position of authority over you, there will be rules against this.

54:35 Caller Well, no, because I work for the hospital. He's an independent contractor.

54:39 Adam Yeah. He's one of the top guys who changes the vending machines out. Well, the good news is he can put that retina back on. Trauma surgeon. Now, trauma surgeon is farmed out.

54:56 Drew They don't work for the hospital.

54:58 Adam No, you're not. So how does that work? Then you have your independent contractor?

55:01 Drew No, he just works there. He does his business there more ways than one.

55:06 Adam And a trauma surgeon. You see, I never thought about it. I just assumed that if you have a hospital that the trauma surgeons were employees of the hospital. Huh? No? Seems confusing.

55:21 Drew The hospitals don't employ doctors typically.

55:23 Adam They don't.

55:23 Drew They've got it, they've got it.

55:24 Okay.

56:54 Adam The hospital, who employs the nurses?

56:57 Drew Hospital.

56:58 Adam And then all the, what about the tech guys?

57:01 Drew Everything else, hospital.

57:02 Adam All, everybody. All the clean up guys, the, what about the anesthesiologist? No? Well, that's not all the guys then.

57:10 Drew That's the doctors again.

57:12 Adam The doctors?

57:13 Drew Doctors just work, they just use the hospital. It's a facility.

57:16 Adam And the anesthesiologist is a doctor who?

57:18 Drew That doesn't smell. Is that the microwave? That's a microwave.

57:22 Adam Oh my God. That's a microwave. Anesthesiologist, doctor, who else? Like, what about, what about?

57:31 Drew The anesthesiologist is a doctor, especially.

57:33 Adam I know, but he just stands around with the laughing gas. What about, you don't see, you don't see any movies made about the anesthesiologist. Or, you know what I mean? It's not exciting. Yeah, I don't look at that guy as a doctor. Most people don't look at those guys as doctors. They're just looking at those guys like specialized and they're going to computer tax or something. What about to be an anesthesiologist? Need the same amount of training as a doctor? Same amount?

57:56 Drew Plus those eight, nine years I've had.

57:57 Adam Ah, so you don't get half the leg.

58:00 Guest Not half.

58:01 Drew Half the what?

58:01 Guest The leg.

58:03 Adam Tail.

58:03 Guest Oh.

58:04 Adam You know what I'm saying?

58:05 Guest Skirt.

58:05 Adam Really?

58:07 Guest No.

58:07 Adam No, people. I'm going to talk to engineer Chris for a second. First off, you didn't smell that fart, did you? No, no.

58:14 Guest No.

58:15 Drew You were very fortunate.

58:15 Adam Secondly, an anesthesiologist, I think of it's just sort of the specialty guy who works, you know, helps the doctor out, but I don't think of him as trained as the doctor.

58:28 Drew Well, listen, where surgical complications are going to occur, it's anesthetic complications.

58:32 Caller He's putting you to sleep, you know?

58:34 Guest It's got to, you know. All right, shut your mic.

58:37 Drew He's the one responsible to keep you alive while the surgeon is working on you.

58:41 Adam He's putting you to sleep.

58:42 Drew Thanks for clarifying that.

58:44 Guest Shut the mic.

58:44 Adam As a matter of fact, put a towel or something over the end. I don't want to see the end of it.

58:49 Guest It's done.

58:50 Adam Okay, good. He just spoke into it. All right. Well, let's see. I'm learning, Drew.

58:54 Drew That's good.

58:55 Adam Here's what I pictured. I know that maybe it's boring, everyone. I pictured that guy's having like, I pictured him as being like a pharmacist. Lots of schooling, but, and maybe pharmacist is as good as a doctor too, but not the training of the doctor. Specialty training and more like a tech guy.

59:14 Drew The anesthesiologist.

59:15 Adam Yeah, like, like the guy who runs the MRI machine or something. He's not a doctor, right?

59:20 Drew Right, but the radiologists are, and see, the radiologists are, they make something from the hospital to run the operation, but they get paid for, they bill the insurance companies for reading the x-rays.

59:29 Adam Anesthesiologist gets paid same as a doctor, make a lot of money? Lot of money. Lot of money. Chris says they put guys to sleep. Steve?

59:44 Yes.

59:45 Adam Sometimes they don't put you all the way to sleep. Sometimes they just make you a little out of it. Steve?

59:51 Yeah.

59:51 Adam You're 19, what's up?

59:53 Caller Well, first of all, Adam, I want to be mayor of Boopville. Wow.

59:58 Adam That's a crappy idea. That's a good eight years old.

1:00:01 Hey, I'm a long time listener, first of all.

1:00:03 Adam Great. Thanks, buddy.

1:00:05 Caller Hey, well, anyway, I actually lied to the screener. I...

1:00:09 Guest All right.

1:00:11 Drew There you go.

1:00:12 Adam I didn't even hang up on you. That was probably Anderson. Anderson is... he's like the den mother of the show. He's the...

1:00:23 Drew He's the spoiler.

1:00:24 Adam Yeah. What do you guys have in colleges in the dorms? The RN?

1:00:26 Caller RA.

1:00:26 Adam RA? What are those guys? That's the...

1:00:30 Drew Resident advisor.

1:00:32 Guest Yeah.

1:00:32 Adam That's Anderson.

1:00:33 Guest I just hate the callers. He doesn't like the callers. Who do you think hates the callers more?

1:00:37 Adam Me or you?

1:00:38 Caller I think I do.

1:00:39 Guest Okay.

1:00:39 Caller Because I can't yell at them.

1:00:41 Adam Oh, that's true. Tina?

1:00:44 Guest You're 21?

1:00:45 Guest No. I'm 18.

1:00:47 Adam All righty.

1:00:47 Guest There we go.

1:00:48 Adam What's up?

1:00:50 Guest Well, about... I'm going to say maybe a month ago. I was smoking pot with my friends, and I was pretty much kind of out of it. We smoked a lot, and I blacked out, and they said I was shaking a lot, and I was just wondering if I was like a seizure or something, and this could pot do that.

1:01:12 Adam All right. Well, you passed out, right?

1:01:16 Guest They said I didn't pass out, but I blacked out.

1:01:19 Drew So you were up and awake. You just have no recollection of what you did. Were you drinking also?

1:01:24 Guest No.

1:01:25 Drew Just smoking pot?

1:01:27 Adam So your eyes are open.

1:01:29 Guest They said they were, but they were messed up, too, so I don't know.

1:01:32 Drew And then you fell to the floor and started shaking violently and lost your urine and a lot of stuff. Oh, urine?

1:01:40 Guest I don't think I lost any urine, but they said I was shaking on the floor.

1:01:44 Adam Do you usually lose a little urine when you have a seizure?

1:01:47 Drew Many times. Many times.

1:01:49 Adam I lost a little gas a few moments ago.

1:01:51 Guest No kidding.

1:01:51 Adam I don't know if you caught that.

1:01:52 Drew It wasn't lost on me. Any...

1:01:55 Guest I'd like it back.

1:01:56 Drew I'm not... I can't tell what you're describing. All you can tell me is you shook a lot. Well, does that mean you were...

1:02:00 Guest Well, they said like for a little bit before that I had like a blank stare or whatever. And then I kind of fell over and started shaking.

1:02:09 Guest We call that a light weight.

1:02:10 Drew That might be a seizure activity. And you can't... Absolutely. You take a drug of any type, you can increase the risk of seizure. The problem is that while it has been reported to do this, doesn't typically do this. You want to make sure there's not something else going on with you that has put you at risk for seizure, that the pot sort of exposed.

1:02:28 Guest Well, I think maybe, sorry, I think it's like a complex partial seizure thing.

1:02:34 Drew No, that no, complex partial. No, that's not a complex. It's a generalized seizure you're describing. The complex partial seizure, yes, when you were staring off into space, that could have started as a complex partial that's secondarily generalized. Be that as it may. Listen to what I'm saying. Marijuana has been reported to cause seizure, not typically. The important thing here is to rule out the possibility that you were predisposed to seizure because of something else, a brain tumor, a neurologic condition that the marijuana now brought to the surface. You need to see a neurologist, okay? Well, my... Tani, you're not a neurologist, you're not a doctor. What is she? She wants to argue with me about this. She says it's bizarre. That's what I'm saying. You have some underlying neurologic disorder that has been now... has now come to the surface or been brought out because of the pod, and that's what needs evaluation, all right? And it could be a lot of things. Just because your sister has seizure disorder doesn't mean that's necessarily why you're having your seizures.

1:03:44 Guest You know what our callers are like?

1:03:45 Adam It's like, if this was a... this one of those car shows, they'd be going like, front end shimmies at like 55, and you'd go, well, you got to take it in and have the front end realign. And they'd be, no, no, no, but it's got 400,000 miles on it. Yeah, well, got to have the front end realign. Well, it was also hit pretty good from behind.

1:04:06 Drew No, they see more. They go, they go, I think I need to have the pistons replaced.

1:04:12 Adam Yeah, but often, no, I mean, they do that, yeah, but often times they just keep going. Give you another reason why you should go in and have the front end realign.

1:04:19 Drew That I don't mind because they just want to double, make sure they give me all the detail. When they give me their theory.

1:04:24 Adam No, she just did you what that was.

1:04:26 Drew No, she went, I think my sister, my twin sister has seizure. She has epilepsy. I think I, no, I don't care what you think, Tate. I don't care. It doesn't matter. Thank you.

1:04:35 Adam Yeah, but no, it's just, I'm just telling you, listen, Jackoff, what are you gonna argue with me?

1:04:42 Drew I'm just saying when they offer a theory, about the front end.

1:04:46 Adam It's not a theory though. It's one more reason why they're not offering it up like it's one more reason why it is one more reason why. But do you understand the difference between that?

1:04:57 Drew I do. But when I, my point is, just my point, listen, is when people open with, I think it's, that's when you got a problem.

1:05:05 Adam She didn't say I think it. She said my sister has, has epilepsy, which is like saying the car has 500,000 miles on. It's one more, yes. Your answer again is go get it checked. That's what I'm saying. I know she, she's just making, it's retarded. It's one more, it makes you, makes it that much more imperative that she go, go do it. Thank you, Drew.

1:05:29 Guest I don't argue with my brilliant points all the time or analogies.

1:05:34 Adam What's this guy doing?

1:05:36 Guest Drinks it.

1:05:36 Adam All right, Drew's pissed now. John?

1:05:39 Caller Hey, how's it going?

1:05:41 Adam Chris is mad over there.

1:05:43 Drew Why is Chris mad?

1:05:44 Adam He doesn't like when I make fun of him. You think anesthesiologists were doctors? They put guys to sleep.

1:05:54 Guest Yeah, thank you. It's squid.

1:05:59 Adam It's squid.

1:06:00 Guest It's squid.

1:06:03 Adam It's squid.

1:06:03 Caller It's squid.

1:06:04 Adam You're just about to get dinosaur out of Chris. This close to getting pterodactyl out of him.

1:06:09 Caller Thanks, caller.

1:06:10 Adam Oh, man. That was going to be close because he was just... I saw him. He was just... He leaned up and he was about... He was about just to name a nationality or extinct bird, dodo bird or something like that and pow. All right, John. What's up, buddy?

1:06:26 Caller Oh, you know, I've been drinking for a while and I'd say it's about a year. Almost a year. Since last summer, I've been drinking every day and friends of mine have been saying it's been a problem. Not really a problem. They just say I drink too much and...

1:06:43 Drew What would be the difference between there being a problem and them being concerned?

1:06:49 Caller You know, I don't know because...

1:06:51 Drew There's no difference.

1:06:53 Caller Well, I was just wondering... You know, I mean, I've been drinking every day and it's not like I have outbursts. I don't get violent. It doesn't concern.

1:07:01 Adam Well, how much do you drink?

1:07:03 Caller I don't know. I'll say 12 pack.

1:07:07 Drew 19.

1:07:07 Adam 12 pack every day is quite a fair amount of consumption.

1:07:12 Drew You're drinking enough to have medical problems, A. Really? Yeah. And B, alcohol is defined by the consequences and one of the areas of consequence is relationships and your relationships are being affected by this. No doubt your school performance is affected by this.

1:07:27 Adam What are you doing? You going to work?

1:07:30 Caller Yeah, I work and, Adam, you're going to make fun of me, I do go to junior college. Yeah.

1:07:36 Drew And?

1:07:37 Caller My mom made me stay home for a year before I go to UNLV and so that's the only reason I'm going to junior college right now.

1:07:44 Adam UNLV is just really a four-year junior college with a nice stadium for the basketball team.

1:07:51 Drew Going from Illinois to UNLV?

1:07:53 Caller Yeah, that's right. My grandparents live in the state of Nevada and it's free to use.

1:07:59 Adam He's going to be at slots of fun drinking those like 50 cent Heineken's all summer long. Hey, John, how is it you can go to school and have a job and polish off the 12-pack? Do you start drinking when you get home at night?

1:08:15 Drew Alcoholics are more evolutionary evolved.

1:08:17 Adam No, listen, I know them. I used to work with some of these guys. But what do you do? Do you start drinking when you get home?

1:08:24 Caller No, not so much when I get home, usually around like 11, 12 o'clock.

1:08:28 Drew In the morning?

1:08:29 Caller No, at night. So I'll get off. I'll have a couple of hours before, you know.

1:08:35 Drew You and your wine, Adam, the same thing.

1:08:36 Adam Yeah, well, that's my medicine. And when do you, when do you, where do you, who buys you the beer, by the way?

1:08:42 Caller I do. You know, it's a, it's a Nickle and Dime shop. They, you know, they don't even ask for ID. They just sell me the beer.

1:08:49 Adam And by the way, once they sell you the first 12 pack, why not sell you the next thousand?

1:08:56 Caller So yeah, that's basically how it goes.

1:08:59 Adam And, and what about your mom? Does she know you're drinking the beer?

1:09:02 Caller Oh, my mom and dad both know I've been drinking.

1:09:06 Drew Have you lived in Illinois your whole life?

1:09:08 Caller What's that?

1:09:09 Drew You lived in Illinois your whole life?

1:09:11 Caller No, actually, I was born in Scotland. My dad was in the military. We moved to San Diego, California, and then we moved to Illinois when it's about five.

1:09:18 Adam I think Drew heard the San Diego coming through.

1:09:20 Drew I think I did. Yeah.

1:09:22 Adam So, John, 12-pack at 19, even if it's not taking its toll at this point, you're on your way. You're well on your way.

1:09:34 Drew Yeah. This is again, I'm going to tell you what I think, I'm going to tell you what's going on here.

1:09:38 Adam Who cares?

1:09:39 Drew Yeah, but that's the point. That, to me, is just insulting. It is. It really is.

1:09:45 Adam You have a low threshold.

1:09:46 Drew I guess so.

1:09:47 Adam For me, I'm a man of the people. I don't, I'm not up there in my high horse, you know, looking down at all the peasants. I'm in amongst them, wallowing in the muck.

1:09:58 Drew I get insulted when you say that, too.

1:09:59 Adam I'm no different than they are, except for I'm literally a millionaire. Literally.

1:10:04 Guest Chris, you're the, literally a millionaire.

1:10:06 Drew I'm against it.

1:10:08 Adam I could buy and sell you right now. I would, you know what I would do, too? I would buy him for like a certain amount and I would sell him.

1:10:17 Drew Sell him for more?

1:10:18 Guest Yeah.

1:10:18 Drew Yeah, that's right. I knew you'd do that. That's why you're a millionaire.

1:10:21 Adam That's how I made my millions.

1:10:22 Guest He'd be your toy.

1:10:23 Drew He's your toy.

1:10:24 Adam Yeah, he'd be my toy. And I would buy that and then I would use that profit to buy other people.

1:10:28 Drew And it'd be your toy, too.

1:10:29 Adam But I would step it up. I'd buy better people.

1:10:32 Drew Better than Chris.

1:10:32 Adam Better profit. Yeah, Chris is like, it'd be like, it'd be the equivalent of buying a condo or fixer opera.

1:10:37 Drew I see.

1:10:38 Adam You know what I mean? You flip it, make a couple of grand. I use that money and then I start investing in something big, where it's actually really turn a profit.

1:10:45 Drew It's a good time.

1:10:48 Adam Should we take a break?

1:10:49 Drew Yeah.

1:10:49 Guest When we come back, can we speak to Will?

1:10:52 Adam Why not?

1:10:52 Drew Either Jamie or Joe.

1:10:55 Adam Jamie's boyfriend is afraid to do oral or fingers since she had a baby. And then Joe, 17 friends want him to tape him having sex with his girlfriend or who? Joe?

1:11:15 Drew I don't believe Joe. Jamie, yeah.

1:11:16 Guest All right. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:11:20 Caller Yes.

1:11:20 Guest One, two, three.

1:11:43 Adam That's Dr. Drew. I'm all tired from the commercial.

1:11:46 Drew I'm yelling.

1:11:49 Adam I go on these crazy tire rates during our four-minute commercial break, and then we come back to show them spent.

1:11:55 Drew Yeah. No one can tell, though.

1:11:59 Adam If this was like basketball, and they took like a TV timeout, I would be the player who would be doing pushups and running in place on the side of the court.

1:12:07 Drew Waving the towel around.

1:12:08 Guest On the court. Just, just, just, just, no, just.

1:12:11 Drew Just, just on pushups?

1:12:12 Adam No, I'm not cheering anybody on. I'm not waving the towel. There's no one to cheer. We're taking a TV timeout.

1:12:21 Drew You're just expanding energy.

1:12:22 Adam I'm just exerting myself on the sidelines so that when we come back from the commercial and the game starts, I'm tuckered out now.

1:12:28 Drew That's you.

1:12:31 Adam Drew, who would I be waving the towel at?

1:12:33 Drew The point is just running around like a maniac, just getting all excited.

1:12:36 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:12:37 Drew That's what I'm saying. I'm basically your crowd.

1:12:41 Adam Yeah.

1:12:41 Drew You're waving the towel in front of me all the time.

1:12:44 Adam Yeah, so that's not as good because it's exerting, you know, I'm exerting more of the mouth. Yeah, and this is my game. See what I'm saying? I'm wasting energy. Anyway, I don't feel like I got it four minutes out of that. You know, I don't feel like I got a break.

1:13:06 Drew Can we take another break? Or we just sit here and say nothing, just take a break?

1:13:10 Adam I'd like to kind of take it now.

1:13:12 Drew And just, yeah, I'm ready to. You take a break and I'll take a call. How about that?

1:13:21 Adam I don't know if I can trust you with the show.

1:13:25 Drew You can't. It's all right. All right? Here we go.

1:13:47 Adam Did you hear four minutes of dead air than have you take a call?

1:13:49 Drew No, I know that it's all the same to you anyway. You know what I mean? The dead air, me talking, same. You'll hear the same thing.

1:13:54 Adam I'm saying the dead air, here's my feeling with the dead air. Dead air is not great radio, but the call.

1:14:00 Drew Hi. Jamie.

1:14:13 Caller Hi, how are you doing?

1:14:15 Drew We're good. What's happening? Adam is extra good now. He's actually extra good. He's on a break.

1:14:24 Caller Okay.

1:14:25 Drew Cute?

1:14:28 Caller Well, it's been six months since I've had my baby.

1:14:33 Drew First child?

1:14:34 Caller Yes. And my fiance doesn't want to go down on me or just go near.

1:14:45 Drew Are you sure he's not just using this as an excuse to give up something that he didn't want to do in the first place? Are you sure this isn't just an excuse for him not to do something he wasn't particularly excited about in the first place? He was into it before. Has something changed down there anatomically since your delivery?

1:15:07 Caller No.

1:15:07 Drew Did you have an episiotomy?

1:15:09 Caller Well, he was there when I gave birth.

1:15:11 Drew He was there? See, that can traumatize a guy. That can really-

1:15:15 Adam All right, I'm coming back.

1:15:17 Drew Yeah, the guys can freak out about stuff. When he sees a child come out of that, he's got that emblazoned in his memory now. And especially if you tear and rip and stuff and rip through the rectum. Something to contend with. Guards were all freaked out by that anatomy. They are already. And then you add to that the sort of the.

1:15:39 Adam Who decided by, who decided this is the most important thing in the world that the guy be standing there? And not only that.

1:15:48 Drew Just like, you know, listen.

1:15:49 Adam No, but that not only, yes, it's, I, look, I think it would, it is traumatizing to many guys.

1:15:54 Drew But as we've, you said before that, you know, why are things the way they are? You know, why, why is this and this way in society? They are the way they are because they come from us. We created things this way. And the natural tendency to put guys somewhere else during the delivery was an impulse created by a guy to protect them from this trauma. Not at all, guys.

1:16:12 Adam Faggotry about having everyone stand and have a throw a party by your old lady spread legs. It's just ridiculous. Video and everybody with the, you know, people do that thing where they're like, I got a video, you want to see the video? And I'm like, no, I don't want to see it.

1:16:27 Drew So intrusive, I can imagine.

1:16:28 Adam And then, even once in a while, people do that thing where they go, oh, no, no, we don't, you know, it's none of the, it's just a kid all covered with goo and the whole of them, wife crying, you know, it's like.

1:16:38 Drew Why don't we videotape other huge traumatic life events?

1:16:43 Adam Hey, yeah, my cousin, remember he got in a motorcycle accident?

1:16:46 Drew Here's the video, got the video right here. Yeah, he gets down on the ventilator here. This is cool. No, no, it's just, it's just.

1:16:50 Adam Yeah, you see the guy? Yeah, he's got the ribs spread around.

1:16:53 Drew No, we won't show the actual, the actual heart exposed. We'll just show you the width spread or the crack of the chest, that's all.

1:17:01 Adam Yeah, I know, listen, listen. Yeah.

1:17:07 Drew Maybe, yeah, Jamie, you're onto something here. Maybe you're gonna de-condition him.

1:17:11 Adam Here's the other thing, too. Who the hell wants to be standing with a large group and a video camera by the wives' Kimbo legs, you know?

1:17:20 Drew And by the way, how do you enjoy the moment when you're a camera man, bye-bye? What's gone wrong in this world?

1:17:27 Adam I just, give me the goddamn cigars and put me out.

1:17:30 Drew And by the way, by the way, those moments are so intense, you're not forgetting it.

1:17:35 Adam You know what I mean?

1:17:35 Drew Not like you need to review it with the video camera. It is emblazoned in your mind.

1:17:39 Adam Let me say this too, with the video camera. It's like, it's the same, people do that the same with the wedding dress, you know? My daughter's gonna wear this, now she's not. And this video, oh, you're gonna look at this thing one day? No, you're not. And by the way, I wouldn't wanna see a videotape of me being born. First off, I don't like the idea of my parents being in the same room. That alone freaks me out. Ever. Secondly, my mom being naked and the legs spread and everything flying out of her and stuff. I would be completely freaked out to see video of me being born. I really would. A couple of black and white baby pictures I'm fine with, but covered with placenta and all over my sweaty mom. I don't need that.

1:18:17 Drew Yeah, really?

1:18:20 Adam Yeah, I don't need it.

1:18:22 Guest You meant to watch that?

1:18:24 Adam No, I didn't.

1:18:24 Drew God intended?

1:18:25 Adam I'm not sure he had that in mind. What? What? Hey, Jamie?

1:18:31 Caller Yeah, so what do I do?

1:18:34 Drew No, well, first of all, you break him in slowly. And are you sure? Has everything gone back to normal down there? And maybe, maybe, maybe taking a porno and that kind of thing. Maybe actually deconditioning him, you know what I mean?

1:18:49 Adam Yeah, you might be able to talk to him about it too.

1:18:51 Drew That's what I was gonna say. And also by the way, you hold the cards, Jamie. No intercourse if he doesn't do his business.

1:18:57 Adam Yeah.

1:18:57 Drew Yeah, it's easy. He'll do it. He'll be fine.

1:18:59 Adam Let me give you ladies a heads up too by the way. Chicks hell bent on dragging guys everywhere they don't wanna go. Everyone from their stupid friends' weddings that they barely even like from work to standing in the waiting room with the kids and the cranking out and the whole thing. Leave us alone. We do enough. We go to enough. Everywhere we go, we don't wanna go. I don't know what that gene is with chicks. You know what I mean? Like when I find out my wife doesn't wanna do something, I usually don't even want her there.

1:19:30 Drew Well, you certainly don't force it.

1:19:32 Adam Yeah, like that's like, come on, baby. We're going fishing. I don't wanna go. It leaves San Pedro at 4 a.m. Me and some sweaty guys and you, we're all gonna get on the boat. Come on, we're going. No, does a guy do that? Guys like hell no. He gets one of his buddies to go.

1:19:49 Drew And by the way, hey, come on, we're going as sort of a pushing to go. You get pulled.

1:19:54 Adam Yeah.

1:19:54 Drew You don't get encouraged to go. You get dragged.

1:19:58 Adam Who decided, I mean, by the way, just in general, who do you, do you really want people to go with you to things they don't wanna go to? Is that enjoyable for you?

1:20:07 Drew I don't know, my wife does not do much of that.

1:20:10 Adam She doesn't?

1:20:11 Drew I know, but I know it happens. I surely see it happening, guys.

1:20:14 Adam Yeah. And they're friends. And they're friends that they don't even like. I'll send them love with them though, by the way, when they find out you don't really like them either. All you gotta do is echo what they've been saying. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not a big fan of that cammy. What's wrong with her? You don't like any of my friends. You called her a whore 10 seconds ago. All right. All right, leave us alone. We don't wanna go into the delivery room. Leave us alone. Joe?

1:20:42 Caller Yeah?

1:20:43 Adam You're 17?

1:20:44 Caller Yeah.

1:20:45 Adam That's right. What's up, buddy?

1:20:47 Caller Okay, so my friend called me tonight and he's just kinda out of the blue asked me if I would videotape him and his girlfriend having sex. Out of the blue.

1:20:57 Adam What's he need you for?

1:20:59 Caller Well, I don't know. I was just talking to him because I hadn't talked to him for about a week and a half. And I was just saying, you know, what's up? And he called and he said, yeah, I was wondering if you would tape me and my girlfriend having sex. And it kinda weirded me out. And I didn't know, cause I mean, I'd like to do it.

1:21:17 Drew Once again, Joe, why does somebody do when they've got tons of like, you know, remote controls and tripods and then no one ever, there's no such thing as a counterman for.

1:21:25 Caller Well, that's what I said. I said, I don't know if I want to do this. I mean, why can't you just get like a camera stand? And he was saying something like, well, we're kind of thinking we want somebody to walk around and zoom in. And I was like, what the hell?

1:21:35 Adam No, bogus. Sorry, Joe, bogus.

1:21:40 Caller What are you reading the bogus on?

1:21:41 Adam I'm just, it's just bad. It's just bad acting.

1:21:45 Caller I'm just nervous, man. I can't believe I'm talking to you guys. I love you guys. I listen to you all the time. Well, that's good.

1:21:50 Guest Thanks, buddy. And I turn the corner on you.

1:21:54 Adam First off, what chick is going to agree to this? I don't know.

1:21:58 Caller I mean, she's kind of got a screwed up family life. I know a little bit about it. I mean, she doesn't really like her aunt and I don't know what's where her parents are, but.

1:22:07 Drew She's raised by her aunt?

1:22:09 Adam What?

1:22:09 Drew She's been raised by her aunt?

1:22:11 Caller Yeah, I think she's being raised by her aunt right now. She's living with her aunt. And then my friend, he never met his dad and he has a stepdad right now. So they both kind of got weird family lives, but they get along really well. And I know both of them and they're great. Yeah. I know both of them and he's a really good friend and she's nice. I've met her and I've.

1:22:32 Drew Here's the bottom line.

1:22:33 Adam Well, is she hot for her? Is she good looking?

1:22:35 Caller Yeah, she's okay.

1:22:37 Drew Not that enthusiastic. Here's the deal.

1:22:38 Adam You're not that into her though, right?

1:22:40 Caller Not really. I don't want to mess up his history.

1:22:43 Drew These guys have no boundaries, these two. And the part of that boundarylessness is sort of sucking other people into their vortex. Just.

1:22:49 Adam It's going to backfire. Nothing in it for you. Oh boy. Unless you've really been dying to see her naked.

1:22:54 Drew Even then, bad time.

1:22:55 Adam Nothing in it for you.

1:22:56 Guest No, nothing.

1:22:58 Adam Plus, you could get the rogue shin load. You know what I'm saying?

1:23:06 Guest Yeah.

1:23:06 Adam Guy could pop on your shin. Yeah.

1:23:08 Guest That could happen.

1:23:09 Adam You're leaned in. You're getting that shot. The guy's getting close. Next thing you know, he comes flying out and you just feel something warm on your shin. Shouldn't have worn the cargo shorts. See what I'm saying?

1:23:22 Drew Yeah, it's where a wetsuit would be, right?

1:23:24 Adam Wow, what I would do when I would film porn is I would grease myself up with Vaseline and then wrap myself a saran wrap.

1:23:32 Drew No, that's not enough.

1:23:33 Adam That's what I would do.

1:23:34 Drew No.

1:23:34 Adam No, it works. It works. Unless it sits on you.

1:23:37 Drew No, I think I'm diving Belle.

1:23:39 Adam Do it from a Belle?

1:23:41 Drew No, no, the helmet.

1:23:42 Adam Oh, the helmet. The Belle's the thing you actually climb into.

1:23:45 Drew You're right.

1:23:46 Adam Yeah, that's what Johnny Quest got it. Yeah. Chris, you know what a diving Belle is? That's the guy who puts people to sleep. All right, buddy. Come on, focus now. I need you to pay attention to the show.

1:24:01 Drew Somebody talking to me.

1:24:02 Adam You're focused? Chris, you want to be in radio, right?

1:24:06 Guest You want to be on the air, right?

1:24:08 Drew Yeah.

1:24:09 Guest Okay.

1:24:09 Adam I didn't say you could turn your mic on.

1:24:11 Drew Yeah, you can.

1:24:12 Guest All right, but you can talk in your mic.

1:24:14 Adam But you can't have it on.

1:24:15 Drew Sweet.

1:24:16 Guest You're like Barney Fife. You get the gun with no bullets. Oh, he doesn't know Barney Fife.

1:24:20 Adam All right, Drew, we're dating ourselves.

1:24:23 Guest We got to take a break.

1:24:24 Drew How dare you?

1:24:25 Adam Diving Belle and Barney Fife.

1:24:27 Guest Hey, what do you want to do?

1:24:29 Adam You want to send us to break or something?

1:24:34 Guest Well, you want to be on the air, right?

1:24:36 Adam Sure.

1:24:37 Guest Yeah, you want to be on the air.

1:24:38 Adam You want to give the call letters out for K-Rock or something like that?

1:24:42 Guest All right, do that.

1:24:44 Adam Do the time.

1:24:45 Guest Say your name. Save it? No.

1:24:48 Adam That's my time, 722. Say the time.

1:24:51 Guest Say your name.

1:24:52 Drew Got to have a radio name, though. Cool radio name.

1:24:57 Guest Yeah, I don't know what your last name.

1:24:58 Adam What's Chris' last name?

1:24:59 Drew Perez.

1:25:00 Guest Perez?

1:25:01 Adam Chris Perez. Oh, why don't you call yourself Christopher.

1:25:03 Drew Yeah, Christopher Perez. Yeah, that's cool.

1:25:05 Guest That sounds good.

1:25:06 Adam That's good. And it's also going to help the EEOC requirements.

1:25:10 Caller All right, this is Loveline.

1:25:11 Adam Oh, no, no, no, no. Let me cue you.

1:25:13 Guest Let me cue you.

1:25:14 Adam I want your name. I want the time.

1:25:17 Guest And I want the, we'll be back with more Loveline. And, you know, make it, you know, make it feel like.

1:25:24 Drew No, no, no, no.

1:25:25 Adam Yeah, well, you know, okay, don't give the call letters out. The mother station out here. All right, but do your name, do the time, and do the thing and make people want to come back.

1:25:35 Caller All right.

1:25:36 Adam All right, ready?

1:25:37 Drew Tease. Hold on, hold on.

1:25:38 Adam Tease.

1:25:38 Caller All right.

1:25:39 Adam You want to find your place?

1:25:42 Drew You're through line.

1:25:43 Adam Are you ready?

1:25:44 Caller I'm good.

1:25:44 Guest You're ready? And action.

1:25:47 Caller All right, this is Chris Perez on Loveline.

1:25:49 Drew Christopher Perez.

1:25:50 Guest It's Christopher Perez. All right, let's try again. Ready and action.

1:25:54 Caller This is Christopher Perez.

1:25:56 Adam He stumbled on your first name just a little bit. He knows, he calls, you call yourself Chris. You call yourself Chris. All right, but this is Christopher. You're out. All right.

1:26:06 Guest You're ready?

1:26:06 Caller Thanks, Anderson.

1:26:08 Guest And action.

1:26:09 Caller This is Chris Perez on Loveline.

1:26:10 Guest No, no, no.

1:26:11 Caller We have some great calls.

1:26:12 Adam We're going Christopher.

1:26:14 Caller You are, the Wiggies did, goodbye.

1:26:16 Adam Christopher's gonna be your radio now.

1:26:18 Guest All right, just take a beat, take a beat. And action. This is Christopher Perez on Loveline.

1:26:24 Caller We got some great calls. So come on back.

1:26:28 Adam That was good.

1:26:29 Drew That was good.

1:26:30 Adam Loveline was, he sort of.

1:26:31 Drew Sorry, it was cool.

1:26:32 Adam He didn't hit it. So it was understated.

1:26:35 Caller Yeah.

1:26:37 Adam Thanks. So now say, we'll be back and then push whatever button you want to push.

1:26:40 Caller We'll be back after this.

1:26:49 Adam How you doing out there? I'm doing fine, thank you. I'm Adam Carolla. It's my good partner over there, Dr. Drew. 1-800-LOVE-191, 722-22 after 738 away from the top of the hour. Really appreciate you tuning in tonight. Drew?

1:27:05 Drew You've changed personalities.

1:27:07 Adam What?

1:27:07 Drew By the way, farting up that hole. I run away like a scared hare or something.

1:27:15 Adam I let a nice one go in the kitchen.

1:27:17 Drew First of all, there was nothing. And then walked into the bathroom and I dutifully trailed behind and just got completely blown away. I just knocked over. Couldn't go to the bathroom. I was about to start running.

1:27:27 Adam See, I think that's what you call psychosomatic. I believe you heard the fart.

1:27:32 Guest Therefore, you smelled the fart.

1:27:33 Drew Are you kidding?

1:27:34 Adam No.

1:27:35 Drew No, no, no.

1:27:36 Guest That was...

1:27:38 Adam Okay.

1:27:38 Drew Yeah.

1:27:39 Adam Well listen, I'm not calling you a liar.

1:27:41 Guest You know.

1:27:42 Drew Yeah.

1:27:43 Adam Carrie?

1:27:45 Guest You're 21?

1:27:47 Yes sir.

1:27:47 Adam What's up?

1:27:49 I got a question. I really want my wife to perform oral, but she complains that it's salty tasting. Is there anything I can do to help that?

1:27:56 Adam Eat a lot of jerky or mix nuts?

1:28:01 I eat a lot of meat. Like red meat, you know, steaks and stuff.

1:28:06 Drew Carrie, here's the deal. It's not that it's salty.

1:28:12 Adam It's bad.

1:28:12 Drew It's bad. You'd be interested in doing that? No, okay. Empathize with her a little bit.

1:28:20 Adam But what do you want her to do? You want her to swallow it or you want her to spit it out?

1:28:25 No, it's, you know, kind of like the pre...

1:28:30 Drew Oh, the pre-stuff gets her?

1:28:31 I don't want her to do it like all the way.

1:28:35 Adam No, yeah, you just want to get something and you got a bad valve.

1:28:40 Drew What about putting a condom on?

1:28:42 Yeah, we've tried that, that helps.

1:28:44 Adam Yeah, it's kind of weird with your wife, though.

1:28:46 Yeah.

1:28:48 Drew Gets through the condom, it helps?

1:28:49 Well, I mean... It helps her, it doesn't help me a whole lot.

1:28:53 Adam He's not that nuts about it. And, you know, for her, it's like going down on a pool toy. You know what I mean, what the hell? I mean, look, I...

1:29:05 Drew The Trojan people are trying to come up with something. They're trying to come up with the oral sex condom.

1:29:11 Adam Oh, really?

1:29:11 Drew Yeah, they really are.

1:29:14 Adam I gotta say, I'm not into giving dudes BJs, but...

1:29:17 Drew When you were.

1:29:18 Adam Back, you know, back in the day. Well, you gotta do what you gotta do, you know? You wanna get in this business, you know?

1:29:24 Drew Take notes, Chris.

1:29:25 Adam Yeah, it's not exactly knowing somebody, but it rhymes with no. Yeah, you wanna get on the air? You wanna get on the air? You get under the console. See what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying, Drew? You know the game.

1:29:40 Drew You said it before.

1:29:43 Adam I'd rather just give a guy BJ on the flesh and do it on a condom.

1:29:49 Drew You said that too.

1:29:50 Adam Seems weird, right? Kind of. Are you picturing a condom?

1:29:53 Drew Yeah, but again, they're working it. Hey, we're the same guys at the moment. Can't we figure that one out?

1:29:57 Guest Hey.

1:29:57 Drew We'll get it. Yeah. We'll get it.

1:30:00 Guest Nicole?

1:30:03 Drew Nicole? Sleeping. There we are.

1:30:06 Adam What's up?

1:30:08 Caller Well, I've been going out with my boyfriend for four months and he's calling out my best friend's name in bed.

1:30:16 Adam More than once he called it out?

1:30:18 Guest It's been twice.

1:30:20 Adam I don't believe it.

1:30:22 Guest Yeah.

1:30:22 Adam I don't think people actually do that. I kind of believe it in their sleep. Like sometimes you can say something in your sleep and I don't think you call it out when you're having sex.

1:30:32 Drew You don't ever communicate with your partner when you're having sex.

1:30:35 Guest Yeah, and I don't want to say anything because it's really like, like the sex is amazing.

1:30:41 Guest No.

1:30:42 Drew We don't buy your call, Nicole. It doesn't ring true.

1:30:45 Adam We'll put the guy on the phone.

1:30:47 Drew That's putting you up to this.

1:30:48 Guest Yeah.

1:30:49 Drew Nicole.

1:30:51 Adam No. Hand him the phone. Hand him the phone.

1:30:54 Guest There's no guy here.

1:30:55 Adam Hand the dude the phone. There's gotta be a set of wave-offs behind these brains.

1:31:01 Guest No, there's.

1:31:02 Adam The nards are always the brains of the operation, Drew.

1:31:04 Drew The what?

1:31:05 Adam The nards.

1:31:07 Drew Okay. Well, here's the deal.

1:31:09 Adam What's your friend's name?

1:31:11 Caller Brittany.

1:31:12 Adam And he's shouting it out.

1:31:14 Caller Well, he's not shouting. He's like, kind of moaning it, but like soft. And so like, I try to ignore it, just.

1:31:20 Adam No, what do you mean you try to ignore it? Why don't you call him on it?

1:31:24 Drew Yeah, right there. Say, hey, what are you talking about?

1:31:25 Caller I don't want to scare.

1:31:26 Caller I mean, I don't know.

1:31:27 Caller I don't want to scare him off.

1:31:29 Adam I mean, he's doing it during orgasm or just when he's having sex?

1:31:34 Caller I think it's the orgasm.

1:31:37 Adam It's, I don't know if this is bogus.

1:31:39 Drew It sounds bogus, but is this your boyfriend?

1:31:41 Caller Yeah. It's only been four months, but.

1:31:44 Drew Yeah, well, how are you going to scare off your boyfriend? What does that mean? Maybe this is the way we are.

1:31:50 Adam And by the way, it could be Britney Murphy or Britney Spears.

1:31:54 Drew Right.

1:31:54 Guest Now go ahead and call him on it.

1:31:56 Adam I don't buy it.

1:31:58 Drew But if it is true, just stop right then. Just, hey, hey, just pout a little bit. Just say, hey, wake up.

1:32:04 Yeah.

1:32:05 Adam You're 13?

1:32:06 Caller Yeah.

1:32:07 Adam You're six foot, 275 pounds?

1:32:10 Caller Yep.

1:32:11 Guest All right.

1:32:13 Drew Long career ahead of you.

1:32:14 Adam Yeah, let me do a little math. By the time you're 17, you're gonna be nine foot, 822 pounds.

1:32:20 Drew It's good times.

1:32:21 Guest Yeah, you like sports?

1:32:23 Caller Uh, sort of, um, I...

1:32:26 Drew That's puberty, I didn't hear it between his voice. Yeah, he's gonna be huge.

1:32:29 Adam Uh, 275, you should probably watch your weight there, buddy.

1:32:33 Caller Yeah, I'm trying to lose weight, actually. I'm doing a lot of cardio activity.

1:32:40 Guest Good, all right.

1:32:41 Adam I'm sorry, Will, but we gotta go to break. All right, this easy on the carbs, do a lot of exercise, no need a lot of crap before you go to bed.

1:32:49 Drew Watch the calories, just eat less.

1:32:52 Caller Okay, thanks.

1:32:52 Guest All right, and heroin, heroin, heroin. We'll be back.

1:32:56 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up? But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

1:33:09 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:33:11 Caller 877-889, date.

1:33:15 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:31 Adam What a nice blast going here.

1:33:35 Caller Woo, Lord.

1:33:36 Drew So proud of yourself.

1:33:37 Adam Yeah, it's nice. All right, we're gonna take a little extendo break.

1:33:43 Drew No, no, no. Oh my God. I hope you cry.

1:33:49 Adam Almost no. All right, so until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:33:54 Caller I was giving fallatio tonight to my lover.

1:33:58 Adam You got a big ass?

1:33:59 Caller But it's so lumpshawess, yeah.

1:34:05 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, May 4, 2004