Episode 1000611166660

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

0:57 Voiceover The listener discretion is advised.

1:00 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:03 Voiceover Hey everybody, it's Love Line with Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction, medicine, best, best, best. Jack Osbourne here tonight.

1:16 Jack Osbourne Howdy.

1:16 Drew Nope, no applause. Who's this?

1:22 Adam Let's try it again. Jack Osbourne, join us on the show tonight. Welcome, Jack.

1:31 Caller That's the one, two, three, everybody.

1:36 Adam Always good to see Jack Osbourne and Andy Richter theoretically is coming in tonight, but we're not so sure about that because he's not here yet. But you know Andy, he's probably doing like a line off a hooker's ass, he's probably out of control. Maybe he's in some drunk tank somewhere. That guy's out of control, Drew. And I know his publicist asked us not to speak about that and I know he has a prom and I know it's private. And but Drew, the kid's out of control. And this kind of the nature of this show, is it not, Drew?

2:08 Drew How's that?

2:08 Adam Well, we speak openly and truthfully about people.

2:12 Drew Anything.

2:12 Adam Yeah, I mean, if you're, you know, an Osbourne, that's cool because whatever, you found Jesus early, you stuck to the straight and narrow, you carved a life out for yourself. That's it's beyond reproach. But we're not supposed to talk about the Andy Richter's of the world. And the kid's got a problem. And I suspect-

2:32 Drew What do you mean, he's a wild man?

2:33 Adam Well, you said he was out of control on a Saturday night. I suspect tonight is just more of his hijinks, probably a heroin fueled hijinks, yeah?

2:44 Drew No doubt. We're not broadcasting it, are we? We start the show?

2:49 Adam I just think we should talk about it. That's all I'm saying.

2:51 Jack Osbourne Andy, is there something you need to tell us?

2:53 Adam Jack, I know you've never dabbled yourself, but surely you have empathy for those who are sort of a slave to substances, yes?

3:00 Jack Osbourne Of course.

3:00 Adam I mean, you can empathize.

3:03 Jack Osbourne Yeah, there's a bit of empathy.

3:05 Adam Yeah, you don't have to be one yourself to understand that pain in others. It's like I've never given birth, but when I see the look on a woman's face when she's trying to squeeze out those triplets, I have empathy.

3:15 Jack Osbourne I can feel it.

3:16 Drew You usually start laughing. What are you talking about?

3:17 Adam No, I feel it. I can feel it. It's just confusing because there's a vagina and it's like a feel like it should be masturbating. Oh, wow. It's very confusing.

3:26 Jack Osbourne I think at that point it doesn't look too friendly.

3:29 Adam I know, that's a confusing part. Jack stars opposite Dr. Drew.

3:35 Drew No, he doesn't star opposite me. We both have similar roles.

3:39 Adam He stars opposite Dr. Drew in New York Minute, which is of course the new Olsen Twins movie, which is coming out this Friday, everybody. And I don't know if it's a good omen, but I think the Mean Girls movie did pretty well.

3:53 Drew I saw the movie tonight.

3:54 Adam We saw it.

3:55 Drew And Tina Fey is a little bit of a genius. So well written.

3:59 Adam Yeah, Tina Fey's smart. Tina Fey was on here on the show a week or so ago.

4:03 Drew And she has a substantial role.

4:06 Adam And Tim Meadows, by the way.

4:07 Drew And he does, too, by the way, a substantial role, which they do an excellent job in. And then just a genius writing job in this. And she's so, and it's so humble.

4:17 Adam Well, she was in my presence.

4:19 Drew But it was-

4:19 Adam There is that. She did a great job of writing it. And the point is, is I think that the movie may have been number one last week.

4:26 Drew It's a good sign.

4:27 Adam Yeah, it's geared at girls. It's geared at teens. This is a movie, the New York Minute, Oles and Twins, a lot of buzz. The same, could be the same type of audience. Good sign. Yeah, Drew's giving his fingers crossed. Why, you're not getting, what, I don't want to interview Drew. Jack, you guys don't get paid anymore if it does well, do you?

4:47 Jack Osbourne I don't think so.

4:48 Drew It's nice to be part of something that's successful you've been supporting. Yeah.

4:51 Adam Yeah, all right. But if that was true, when you've gotten out of here years ago, Drew?

4:55 Drew If I were part of something.

4:57 Adam If it was nice to be part of something successful.

4:59 Drew Oh, I see, yeah, so there is that point.

5:01 Adam So, Jack, Osbourne, oh yes, Osbournes, Tuesday nights, 9.30 on MTV and still scouting bands. How's the label doing? Not scouting bands.

5:11 Jack Osbourne No, not anymore.

5:11 Adam All right, well, cross that out. So what does occupy the lion's share of your time beside the Osbournes? Do you need anything else?

5:21 Jack Osbourne I do a TV show I do in England. That's my main thing I do now. I feel like two months out of the year, though, so.

5:30 Adam You go over there for two months straight?

5:31 Jack Osbourne No, we film it here. But I think.

5:33 Adam We film it here.

5:34 Jack Osbourne Hopefully, if all goes to plan, I'm gonna be just traveling through Europe for two months and doing it.

5:39 Adam And what is it?

5:40 Jack Osbourne It's kind of like off the wall. The only thing I can really compare it to is some kind of variety show. It's nothing like the Nick and Jessica Variety Hour or whatever that is. Right. It's more like we interview celebrities, there's red carpet things, we do skits. Right. It's really just up in the air.

5:57 Adam Is it an hour long?

5:59 Jack Osbourne Half hour.

6:00 Adam Do you find, well, a couple of things. Are they a little more flexible over there in terms of format? Like can do things a little more experimentally?

6:10 Jack Osbourne Yeah, definitely.

6:12 Adam And also does the Osborne, not that Osborne name is big enough here, but do you have even more cache in England?

6:19 Jack Osbourne It's pretty big in England.

6:20 Drew You say he was on his huge in Germany.

6:22 Jack Osbourne In Germany, it's like.

6:24 Adam Oh really?

6:24 Jack Osbourne The second coming of Christ. It's like Jim Caviezel.

6:27 Adam Do they, do they, do they, do they dub it? Do they translate it? Do they use subtitles?

6:32 Jack Osbourne I think sometimes they dub it. And then sometimes they just, it's in English and they just have subtitles.

6:37 Adam Have you, it'd be nice to meet your, your dubbing guy. You know what I mean?

6:42 Drew Who your voice is?

6:43 Adam Yeah, your voice. Yeah. Cause I always think Germans are so smart. They all speak English. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

6:49 Drew Yeah, they all do.

6:50 Jack Osbourne I think they do it just out of guilt.

6:51 Adam Yeah. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Learn it. Yeah, I got my brother-in-law's German, his English is fine. I'm not a proud man. He borrows my tennis shoes when he plays basketball. Yeah.

7:02 Drew And your house when he has a place to flop.

7:03 Adam Yeah. Someone explained to him that that's, we don't do that here. We don't crap in another man's shoes. You know what I mean? It's kind of weird too. Cause it's not like trying on a guy's sunglasses. You're playing six, seven games of hoop out in the valley in the man's high tops. They're yours after that. You know what I mean? They're no longer his. They're yours.

7:23 Jack Osbourne They're yours. I have a real weird foot thing. So, you do? If anyone wears my shoes, I'm like, mm-mm. Oh, no.

7:30 Adam Yeah. It's one thing if they're running out to grab the newspaper. It's another thing they're playing six, eight games of hard three on three out on the blue top of North Hollywood there. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm going to do much.

7:42 Caller Brutal.

7:44 Drew It's punishing.

7:45 Adam It's punishing. It's like God is punishing us somehow. What did we do wrong?

7:50 Jack Osbourne I love it. You love it?

7:51 Drew Do you like this?

7:52 Jack Osbourne Oh, I can't get enough of it.

7:54 Adam Really?

7:55 Jack Osbourne Well, England, think England, you know?

7:57 Drew Wet and cold.

7:58 Jack Osbourne Wet and cold. And I grew up with most of that in the rest of my life. This is just like-

8:01 Drew You like the desert stuff.

8:02 Jack Osbourne Yeah.

8:03 Adam Do you get in the pool? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've come to decide. I figured out if you got a pool nearby, it's all right.

8:10 Drew It's better.

8:11 Adam You jump in and jump out of there a lot. Let's plus, what do you live in it? You like the Bat Cave. I imagine it doesn't get light in your room until like four in the afternoon. The air is just blowing the whole time.

8:24 Jack Osbourne My air condition is broken right now.

8:26 Adam Oh.

8:27 Jack Osbourne So it's pretty painful, but I have, I just, the shades are drawn. The lights are off.

8:32 Adam Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. Not that the, well, not that Jack's, Jack's room is, I wouldn't call it gothy, but it does have a, not goth, like as you know it from Columbine, but it has this sort of gothic architecture to it. Dark, lots of dark colors.

8:49 Drew And crosses.

8:49 Adam And crosses and things. It's not, it doesn't look like a douche commercial should be filmed in there. It's not breezy and light and airy. It's sleeping. It's a, you know, that's one thing. Yeah, I'm not into the goth thing, but one thing those people know is they know how to make a domicile to sleep in. And everything's dark and black and-

9:09 Drew It's actually supposed to be a tomb. And the domicile's a die-in.

9:12 Jack Osbourne I call it the black hole.

9:14 Adam Yeah, that's your room, right? It's black.

9:17 Jack Osbourne Black.

9:17 Adam It looks like maybe you should, like maybe you'd film a snuff film there or something, like, and then take a huge nap. And you don't know, you wouldn't know if it was eight in the morning or four in the afternoon or high noon.

9:31 Drew Would that be great?

9:32 Adam Yeah, just cold and dark.

9:34 Jack Osbourne I sleep in there. Sometimes I'm surprised at how deep I sleep in that room. I'm like, oh wow, it's five in the afternoon.

9:43 Adam Yeah, you know, yeah, some of that could have been the drugs, but-

9:46 Jack Osbourne Probably.

9:47 Adam You know, here's the thing, too, Drew. I'll tell you, I don't have kids. But when I do, see, let me tell you something. Jack was too comfortable. I was never comfortable in my room. I had a crappy bed, the washing machine was in there, the hot water heater was in there, there was no curtains on the thing, it was like hot, it was noisy. You'd wake up at seven and try to sleep a little more, but you're uncomfortable enough to get out, get up and get out. We got like the down comforter with the 2400 thread count and the air conditioning and all the whole thing and the soundproofing. It's easy just to keep going. It's like when you stayed a really nice four star hotel and they put the blackout drapes on and you're very comfortable in the do not disturb thing. You can go all day. See Drew, here's what I'm saying, with your kids, Jack missed out on high school because he was too goddamn comfortable. He just slept until noon every day. He couldn't get up. Your kids, put him on like an army cot.

10:43 Drew Make him sleep on nails.

10:44 Adam Well, I just said, don't overdo it. But have that black guy with the trash can and a wooden spoon like come through there. Come on, maggots! Start screaming, throwing a trash can around. You need a DI like just a black drill instructor just comes in there every morning at 6.45 and starts calling everyone maggot and yelling their last easy day was yesterday. Getting up, getting right in the kid's face. What you done?

11:08 Don't you eyeball me, bitch!

11:10 Adam You know, just nose pressed right up against your son's.

11:13 Are you eyeballing me, boy?

11:15 Adam Just go, just freaking on your kid. He'd be so freaked out he'd probably get up at like five because he didn't want that guy, the strange black guy with the weird hat with the crease in his grill at 6 a.m.

11:26 Give me your mother effing shoe!

11:30 Adam Yeah?

11:31 Where's that homework?

11:33 Adam Don't eyeball me, son! Yeah, she's gonna have to keep looking down at that. I could do it. Put a little shoe polish on my face. Well, it's important. It's important to work the ethnic thing.

11:42 Drew Is it?

11:43 Adam Give me your shoes! Anne?

11:49 Yes?

11:49 Adam You're 19?

11:51 Caller Yes.

11:52 Adam What's happening, baby doll? What's doing?

11:57 Caller Right now, I'm talking to you guys. I'm sitting in my car in a park just rattling my brain.

12:03 Adam Well, I guess she could have included the very last three words of that sentence, technically. So she didn't-

12:10 Drew Just rattling my brain?

12:12 Adam Well, yeah, could have repeated that. Annie, or Anne?

12:15 Caller Yes.

12:16 Adam All right, what's your question?

12:19 Caller I just want to know why girls do so many stupid things, just to get a guy's attention. Why do women have to feel like they need a man standing by them holding their hand constantly to feel like they exist?

12:34 Drew Well, you're asking three men to answer that question, or there's even four of us in the room here.

12:39 Adam Well, three and a half with Chris, yeah.

12:41 Drew And I wonder that all the time, and women don't seem to be able to answer that because it does not make any sense to men that you should be that way.

12:47 Jack Osbourne Doesn't it go back to genetics, like pre-man?

12:49 Drew It must be some sort of early evolutionary impulse.

12:52 Jack Osbourne Because this is what I was told, is the fact that once we came out of the trees, like the young, the mother had to hold it all the time, so there need to be a man or like some males to protect them from any outside things.

13:07 Drew There is some of that, but it seems like there should be some ability to override that with intellect and cognitive function, and people should be able to go, all right, I have that priority, I have that impulse, but I don't have to do that. I can choose other things.

13:20 Adam Well, there's certainly some women need it more than others. In a way, I hate to say this, but we've talked about this a few times, you kinda, if you had a daughter, you'd kinda like her to be borderline homely so she could get on with her life. You know, at 19, she'd be going to college and just thinking about whatever major was gonna be and getting into grad school or something and that sort of preoccupation. Like if you're just, if you're a seven or better, it's just gonna consume your, make it a five or better, it's just gonna consume your life. There's too much out there. And by the way, it keeps getting younger and it keeps getting worse. I blame those Olsen twins, you two insist on working with Ann?

14:00 Drew Yes. So what happened? What'd you do?

14:05 Caller Well, it's like this, okay? I have been screwed over by men so many times, so many bad, too many, just two really bad experiences. And then the guy I'm dating now just seems really, really perfect, like a really great guy. And I seem really clingy, and he's telling me, hey, I want to see you, but I don't want to be around you every single day, but I don't listen. It's usually my way. I'm spoiled. I'm a brat, and I always want to be around him. Well, he got kind of mad because I was being like that. So I was mad right back, and my ex-boyfriend came into town. And so I went up to Reno on Saturday and married him. What?

14:51 Adam It's your ex-boyfriend.

14:53 Caller Yes. And my boyfriend now, not my husband, my boyfriend doesn't know this. And I don't want to be married to my husband. All I want is to...

15:03 Drew Does your husband know you don't want to be married? He finds you with...

15:08 Caller We just got married on Saturday.

15:09 Drew If he finds you with your, quote, boyfriend, he will probably kill your boyfriend. What?

15:14 Adam Wait a minute. You got married on Saturday and he did what the next day?

15:17 Caller He is on deployment today. He had to go back to San Diego for deployment for two weeks. He is in the military, so...

15:25 Adam Yeah, I am hit.

15:27 Drew Yeah, it is interesting how the abused becomes the abuser. You know, she feels abused and now she is going to abuse some men right back.

15:34 Adam This guy is probably back at Camp Pendleton showing pictures of you to his bunk buddies going, oh, look at her, yep, that is my girl. We just got married. She is waiting for me.

15:43 Jack Osbourne Meanwhile, you know, he might go down to hail a gunfire because, you know, he is going to go break his heart.

15:49 Drew Well, forget break his heart if he finds out what is going on, he is going to kill the boyfriend.

15:53 Jack Osbourne All right. And he is going to use a gun too.

15:55 Adam And here is the deal, you need to have the marriage annulled with this guy, just say number one, because you don't care about him.

16:04 Drew Right.

16:06 Caller I mean, I care about him as a friend, but that is it. I have known him for like seven years.

16:11 Adam Okay. And number two, you need to get some therapy and work out a few of your problems before you. You know, you're moving forward at breakneck speed into these relationships. Meanwhile, you have the mentality of an 11-year-old with a set of jugs, right? And that's going to get you into trouble and get people around you into trouble.

16:32 Drew It's interesting you would say 11-year-old, it feels like an 11-year-old without parents, like nobody can contain her, her guy is completely acting out.

16:39 Adam What's up? Where's your dad?

16:42 Caller My dad is, he lives here.

16:45 Drew What happened with that relationship? Where and how did that go bad? Your son?

16:55 Adam Your son.

16:56 Caller Both my parents are alcoholics and divorced.

16:58 Give me your mother f'n shoot!

17:00 Adam You see? You see what would have happened? Right in the face. Here's the other one, I'm going to yell at your kid, after I yell, don't eyeball, and I keep yelling, don't eyeball me boy, don't eyeball me son, don't eyeball me boy, all I call him is boy and son. And then I yell, you got English homework? And he's like, yes, sir.

17:19 Caller And I'm like, don't eyeball me son.

17:21 Adam And then he goes, yes, sir. And then I yell this one, I go, you will address me in a clear and present tone. Not to force you to use the kind of drug money off your liberal parents. And I just start screaming at him. And I hit him with my hat. I don't actually ever hit him with a fist, I hit him with my hat.

17:38 Jack Osbourne You got to like make him choke himself like in a.

17:40 Yeah, choke yourself.

17:42 Jack Osbourne Get on your knees, choke yourself in my hand.

17:44 Adam That's right. Fall forward. Yeah, I hold my hand out and the kid just falls for it. That way I didn't do anything.

17:50 Jack Osbourne There we go.

17:53 Drew I had this a total mess, but this is almost like criminal behavior.

17:56 Adam I can you give the kid up for adoption so they have some chance at some life?

18:02 Oh, my God.

18:08 Drew You're right.

18:08 Adam Yeah, I know.

18:09 Caller But I take care of him really well.

18:12 Adam I'm sure, Anne. I'm sure. I can see you as being a model parent.

18:16 Jack Osbourne Where's his dad?

18:17 Adam President.

18:18 Drew Where is his dad? Great question.

18:20 Caller His father?

18:25 Drew Whoa. So you were 15 when you got raped?

18:28 Caller I got raped the day after my 15th birthday.

18:32 Drew Well, rape at 15 usually means sexual abuse in childhood.

18:36 Adam Who raped you? And by the way, what kind of present is that? I mean, I don't know if it was connected to the birthday, but if this is your idea of a, you know what I'm saying?

18:45 Drew Yeah, it's not not to.

18:47 Adam Yeah, like you want to go out and wax the car. Give me a back rub. That's something else.

18:51 Drew What was that, and you're saying?

18:54 Caller Oh, I was just saying, you know, I take good care of my son and his father isn't around, of course. And, you know, they never talked to me.

19:03 Adam Listen, Andrew, we can't look, baby. Please stop acting out on behalf of your child. And let me tell you something, all you imbeciles out there with the, you know, oh, yeah, I smoke a little crack and I turn a trick or two, but I'm the world's greatest, fill in the blank. Mom, dad, uncle, whatever, stop it. No, you're not, you're not leading this crazy, effed up, chaotic life. Oh, and I take great, as a matter of fact, you know, it's ironic, is the parents that actually do do a good job are the ones that are constantly worried that they're not doing a good enough job. And the ones that are horrible parents are the ones that, you know, shout from the highest mountain that, oh no, I'm a great, no, my kid doesn't. No, man, I'll always close the door.

19:48 Drew Imagine having a kid at 15. Just imagine, what would you have done to that child?

19:53 Jack Osbourne Add a blunt part in his face, like if I hit my dog.

19:56 Adam Yeah, get him stoned. Yeah, get your cat stoned, yeah.

20:01 Jack Osbourne Wait, do you think, it sounds like this girl might need some ACA or something.

20:04 Drew She does. Certainly, going to Alateen, she's a teenager, or an adult children of alcoholics. Al-Anon, that would be a great place to start, but boy, this is quite a project.

20:13 Adam All right, but listen, and start there. Just go to-

20:16 Drew Get a sponsor, work the steps. If you can find some sort of spiritual solution to your problems, maybe you'll let go of what you're dealing with. Otherwise, really, it's, you know, I really refer her to the church.

20:29 Adam Larry?

20:30 Yes.

20:30 Adam Yeah.

20:31 Yeah.

20:32 Adam You're 21.

20:33 Caller Yep.

20:35 Adam All right. Let's see.

20:37 Drew He's an auctioneer.

20:38 Adam Let's see, I was gonna guess what you did. Auctioneer, maybe, oh no, no, mobile DJ.

20:45 Drew Yeah, yeah.

20:48 Caller What?

20:49 Drew Weddings and environments was on.

20:50 Adam What do you do for a living?

20:53 Caller Kind of a housewife right now. All right.

20:56 Jack Osbourne Housewife?

20:57 Drew Housewife.

20:57 Adam What's up?

20:59 Caller My girlfriend works. I stay home and take care of the kids. All right.

21:03 Adam What's up?

21:05 Caller First off, bam, Ryan, huge fans of CKY and everything before Jackass and all that. All right.

21:11 Adam Then we're on last week, Thursday. Yeah, well, I think you're hearing the show on a delay. But that's all right. You know, we got Jack Osbourne here tonight. All right.

21:25 Caller I'm completely on the wrong day.

21:27 Adam Well, that's all right. We got Jack Osbourne here tonight.

21:30 Caller All right, Jack.

21:34 Adam There you go. Drew, what are we like, oh, for 3500 on that day? Hey, who's on the show tonight? Jack, uh, all right. Just go like, oh, cool. Yeah, I like the Osbournes. Anyway, that show.

21:48 Drew No, never. Never.

21:51 Adam They'll never, they never give it up.

21:53 Drew Either it's outrage, disappointment or blank.

21:56 Adam Well, you either get blank or you get, well, I don't particularly care for, I don't know, I'm not a big fan. I've never heard of. It's a weird thing. It's like, you know, that part of life, like where people introduce you to somebody you swear you've never met before, and then the person goes to you, oh yeah, we met before. Remember, we met over at Sheila's party. And you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's good. How you doing there, Mark? You don't go. You go, no, who are you? I have never met you. You, please, why are you touching my hand? Ha, ha, stop touching my hand. No, you just go like, hey buddy, how you doing? Yeah, it's good to see you again. Looking good. Yeah, I might even toss in any skins cleared up.

22:37 Caller Or you might toss on me.

22:38 Adam You lost, you dropped a couple pounds, didn't you? You're looking good. What do you work? You must be working out. You look good. Whatever it is, you look great. You had like a crack lift or something. Something better about your ass. I don't know what it is. But no, our archfiles are like, no, huh? All right, but Larry's back on board, right Larry?

23:01 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

23:02 Adam Jack Osbourne in the studio tonight. Yeah, Jack. What's your question?

23:11 Caller All right, well, I've been dating this girl for about three years and I'm getting ready to propose to her and everything. And we have a son, he's two months old. And well, just recently within the past couple of weeks, she's just become this big freak in bed.

23:27 Drew What does that mean?

23:29 Caller Like before it was like, she was, she's always been like the good girl kind of, you know, blonde hair, blue eyes kind of thing. And suddenly it's like, she wants me to be real rough and like spank her and just yell out stuff during sex. And I just have no idea where it came from and whether I-

23:46 Jack Osbourne Why are you complaining?

23:48 Caller I'm not really, I'm not complaining, but-

23:50 Drew It was always there. It's just finally she's showing it to you.

23:53 Jack Osbourne Well, you got to figure too. She's had a baby inside of her for nine months and probably she was like, okay, must get crazy now.

24:00 Adam Maybe, yeah, maybe she's doing a little celebrating. But are you thinking that there's a problem? Are you thinking, because you've listened to this show before, that maybe there's some issues that are unresolved from the past?

24:15 Caller I don't think there's any issues or anything.

24:17 Adam Yeah, all right. No, here's the deal.

24:19 Drew Let me just put it for other college, for other people, that it may be that she's had some physical abuse or some things that whereby she has difficulty feeling sexual or feeling aroused unless she feels naughty or bad or highly, highly aroused with sort of physical stimulation. That's fine if she can show that to you. It's actually kind of good because it allows her to take those parts of herself that she considers bad and sort of integrate them with a good person and a good relationship. On the other hand, if it becomes a focus of your sexual relationship where it sort of detracts from any other intimacy, you can sort of overwhelm it and become a fetish and be a problem.

24:51 Jack Osbourne I know what it is. She was a porn star. That's what it is.

24:53 Drew All porn stars like that?

24:55 Jack Osbourne I don't know. She was a porn star, right?

24:57 Adam Jack, what are you doing? Are you dating somebody?

25:00 Jack Osbourne No.

25:00 Adam No?

25:01 Jack Osbourne No, I have a problem with commitment.

25:04 Adam You do? What are you now? 18, 19? 18.

25:08 Jack Osbourne I'm like ADD boy. I'm like, ooh, shiny.

25:10 Adam Oh, really? So I guess you could do that. You can just announce that, actually, it's probably smart. So you can screw around with chicks, have a good time, but you kind of announce up front, hey, I'm Jack Osbourne. I don't do this.

25:24 Jack Osbourne You know what it is? It's like, I'm really, about any endeavor, whether it's like, hey, I'm going out, let's go get coffee or hey, whatever comes of it. I'm always completely honest. Hey, you know what? I'm not looking for a relationship. Let's have fun regardless of what happens.

25:40 Adam Sucks a man. Smart. All right.

25:43 Caller That's what I do. I'll change him.

25:44 Adam I'm not looking for a BJ and possibly an index finger in the took eye. I want to be up front with you. No woman has ever been able to do this to me. Not on the first date. So don't even think about it. We'll take a quick break. Jack Osbourne here today. Not looking for a relationship, girls. Start lining up. We'll be back after this. Hey yo, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Jack Osbourne in studio tonight. Dear, dear friend of the show, Jack Osbourne, and acting partner of Dr. Drew, they- They star opposite each other on New York Minute.

26:35 Drew People are gonna be so disappointed when they see our starring roles.

26:39 Adam Well, you're in it, and they'll get a kick out of that. And here's the thing, and Jack, I don't know what Jack's part is. What's Jack's part? Drew plays the Olsen twins. Dad, which even if you're in the movie for a millisecond, you're still playing their dad.

26:51 Drew That's a cool thing, yeah.

26:51 Adam So that's a cool thing. And Jack?

26:53 Jack Osbourne I play Justin, who is the manager of Mary Kate's band.

27:01 Drew The whole story is in there. Yes, and mine was a stretch, too, you'll note.

27:06 Adam Mary Kate is the...

27:08 Drew She's the bad twin.

27:09 Adam She's the bad twin. She wants to rock and roll. You know what you find out, though, with the bad twins? They ain't that bad. I could tell you bad.

27:17 Drew They're Andy.

27:18 Adam Yeah, I hear a guy out there, too, who don't know what happened to Andy Richter, but maybe he's here. Here's the thing. Drew, over here, buddy. Show us over here, buddy.

27:27 Drew You're over here, I hear the show of my ears.

27:28 Adam Yeah, I'm over here. Over here, eyes, baby, eyes. Jack?

27:31 Drew Are you eyeballing me, boy?

27:33 Adam Same thing, boy. Eyeball? Okay, right here, right here. They do this all the time where there's the naughty twin and then there's the studious one, and the studious one, so it's very studious, and then the naughty twin smoked part of a cigarette at a party and actually made out with a guy. Of course, he didn't go up her top or anything like that. Now, the reality is, show me a naughty 19-year-old girl. I'll show you one pulling a train. You know what I mean?

28:01 Jack Osbourne I was just gonna revert it back to a porno. Like, there's the twins, you know?

28:04 Adam There's a couple guys going at them and they're videotaping it and she's pretty coked up.

28:08 Drew I mean, that's the bad, you know what I mean? This is about an obsessive-compulsive academic hyperachiever versus a truant twin.

28:17 Right, right, yeah.

28:18 Adam The bad only gets so bad.

28:20 Jack Osbourne They're both extremes.

28:22 Adam Yeah, it's like every once in a while in the sitcom world, when there's a very special episode, oh yeah, somebody gets strung out on something, but it's diet pills. You know what I mean? The bad one gets hooked on diet pills. All I know is it made me feel better and I could study longer. All right, come on, the guts are really getting some drugs here. Can someone just huff a little copier toner or something?

28:44 Jack Osbourne Can you be shooting up in your eye?

28:45 Adam Diet pills, yeah, and then they immediately, as soon as they find out it was bad, that's it. They're done.

28:51 Jack Osbourne They're cured.

28:53 Adam There's no relapses. It's never the second very special episode where they picked up the diet pills again.

28:58 Drew Never. Well, it's really just they've seen the light. They realize it's a bad thing.

29:03 Adam Yeah, and once in a while, there's a little eating disorder thing too, but it never really, it never flourishes. And they never, they once, here's the thing, and it's a horrible message. And I don't have to say this to Jack and Drew and Drew and Jack, but somehow once people realize something is bad, okay, well, that's it. That's enough of that.

29:20 Drew Unfortunately, that's what people believe about all kinds of behavioral disturbances. So therefore my job in terms of treating addiction should just be to convince people that they're doing the wrong thing.

29:30 Adam Right.

29:30 Drew That'd be so easy. They know they're doing the wrong thing. They're begging for help. They can't stop.

29:36 Adam Well, the other thing too is by inference, it makes the person a bad person because, well, you realize you're doing something wrong. You keep doing it. I saw the episode of Step by Step. She realized she was doing something wrong. She stopped. You didn't stop. You kept going.

29:51 Drew Because you're bad. You're bad.

29:53 Adam Yeah. Right.

29:53 Drew A week.

29:54 Adam Speaking of bad week, we have a question for Jam. Who's that? You eyeballing me, son? I am. Uh-oh. You're 17. What's up?

30:05 Caller I just really wanted to tell Jack how much I respect him for his integrity with putting drugs and all that. I just have so much respect for you. I can't honestly say that I love you because I've never met you, but you seem like a really awesome guy.

30:25 And I wish you did live near me, cause I'd ask you out.

30:28 Adam Oh. Well, let me tell you something. You can borrow Jack, but you can't keep it. You know what I'm saying? Because he's got to ramble. He's a rambling man. He's got to ramble back to the mansion.

30:44 Drew Wherever he lays his hat.

30:45 Adam That's his home. That's right.

30:47 Caller I have so much respect for you. And I have to say this. You are so incredibly hot. I love your look because you know, you're original.

31:00 Adam Exactly. Go see him in New York. She loves your look because you don't care.

31:04 Jack Osbourne Exactly.

31:05 Adam Diet, exercise, you don't care.

31:08 Jack Osbourne You're lazy.

31:09 Drew There'll be 80 feet of Jack in this film.

31:11 Adam Yeah. All right there, Katie. You go see him.

31:15 Jack Osbourne Thank you very much, Katie.

31:16 Adam Bigger than life, Jack. And remember, he's a rambling man. He can't stay. He wishes he could stay, but he said come noon, 12, 31 o'clock, he's gotta put his boots on and ramble again. He doesn't ramble at first light, like a lot of guys who ramble. He likes to sleep in and ramble.

31:33 Drew Sleep in.

31:34 Adam His thing is, is I'll be sleeping. Rambling time, about 2 p.m.

31:39 Drew When I wake up, it's time for that.

31:40 Adam I'm gonna wake up.

31:41 Drew How do you feel when people say they, what do you say, respect what you've done, this kind of thing?

31:46 Jack Osbourne It's weird, it's like, I'm very weird with confluence. It's like, I'm like, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, it's, and it's kind of.

31:52 Drew What do you feel is admirable about?

31:54 Jack Osbourne I don't know, it's just, I mean, I, I don't, I didn't, I look at it to get admiration from people.

32:02 Drew But if somebody were to look at you for, do you wish, hope people would admire about what you've been able to accomplish?

32:10 Jack Osbourne I've never really looked at it like that. I mean, yeah, you know.

32:14 Drew Well, do it right now, Jack, for one minute.

32:21 Jack Osbourne It's a really weird thing that, you know, to have people come up, you know, like I got lots of letters when I got out, you know. You inspired me to, you know, change something in my life. You, you know, I admire what you've done with, you know, you know, how you've taken care of yourself. And it's moving. It is, because it's like, you know, people actually kind of, you know, do care and they do pay attention, they do follow you. And it's kind of, it's moving, you know, more than anything.

32:43 Drew It does set a precedent, right, for people who already know you in the media and here they watch what you go through and they appreciate it.

32:49 Adam You know, and I always think it's nice, you know, here's the thing, and we're keeping our fingers crossed that you can stay at the program for a very long time. Yes, Drew? I am.

33:03 Drew Did you stay with the program?

33:04 Adam No, I'm Jack. No, I don't have a problem. I take a little medicine to help me get to sleep at night, that's all.

33:10 Drew A bottle of wine.

33:11 Adam That's all.

33:11 Jack Osbourne A little Southern sipping whiskey?

33:13 Adam I like the little sipping whiskey, I call it my medicine. But here's my point.

33:16 Drew Red wine medicine.

33:16 Adam Here's my point. You know, so many people waste so many years with this stuff. Tons of money takes its toll on your health, obviously. But you know, some people have 20 years of this and some people never get out of it. But I mean, what I mean is a lot of people get started with stuff 15, 16 years old. And now 20 years later, they're 35, couple divorces. They got a kid, teenage kid is not talking to them. Their liver looks like hell. They've shot their wad financially and now they're ready to get some help. Meanwhile, the last 20 years has just been a blur of sort of flying pans of blowouts with the old lady and getting canned from jobs. It's kind of nice that Jack has taken that 20 years, condensed it into high school essentially. He's now 18, sober and ready to face the world.

34:05 Jack Osbourne I was actually talking about this with some buddies of mine. They got sober when they were 17. They're now in their 30s, you know, they've got.

34:11 Drew They've stayed sober.

34:12 Jack Osbourne Stayed sober the whole time.

34:13 Drew Nice.

34:14 Jack Osbourne And I was talking about it and they were like, you know, you may not appreciate it now, but they're like, they're so grateful and thankful that they got sober when they did. It's because they're not gonna wake up when they're 35 and not know who they are.

34:26 Adam Right. And listen, if you're getting effed up every day for 20 years, that 20 years goes down in your memory is just you getting effed up a handful of times. You don't remember half the, you know, you're effed up every occasion, weddings and funerals and whatever.

34:43 Drew You're not growing.

34:44 Adam Right.

34:44 Drew You're not progressing. Is there anything, you don't have to answer stuff you don't want to, but anything about that you have to offer other people of your peer age that can help them get it, be willing?

34:57 Jack Osbourne It comes down to if you really want it and if you want it bad enough.

35:02 Drew But how do people, is there any way to get people to that point?

35:05 Jack Osbourne You just kind of, you have to go to that place. And it's all, that's the only thing I've really picked up is that people that don't go to that place where that dark, just horrible, they hate who they are as people. If it's a kid having fun going to parties, taking acid, all that, and everything's great, but his mom and dad are worried and you're out of hand. No, he's not gonna stop because he hasn't presented itself as a problem yet.

35:32 Adam Well, it's good that you were able to get to that so fast. And I mean, not exactly a mitzvah, as the Jews would say, but the fact is, as the problem came on, you handled it in a relative, relative short period of time. And now you're 18 and you can get on with your life. Sydney? You're 15? Yeah. You see, your mom wants to send you to a shrink.

35:56 Caller Yeah.

35:57 Adam Why?

35:57 Caller Um, like, she just thinks that I'm not living up to my potential, Sydney.

36:06 Drew That's it? That you're not cutting or?

36:09 Adam All right, so no eating disorders, no cutting, no drugs.

36:15 Caller Right.

36:16 Drew Your grades are okay, you're not dropping out of school.

36:18 Caller I'm not, I'm like, I usually, I used to get straight A's and now I'm not getting the straight A's.

36:25 Drew That's a sign. That's a sign that you should see somebody.

36:28 Adam Yeah?

36:28 Drew Yeah. That is one of the strongest signs.

36:30 Adam Really? Grades dropping?

36:31 Drew Sudden grade drops, particularly a kid that was doing well suddenly is not doing well.

36:35 Adam Really?

36:35 Drew Yeah.

36:36 Adam What happened? Why aren't you doing well?

36:39 Caller I just, I don't know, I don't feel compelled to. I don't.

36:46 Adam Well, listen, why don't you do it? Who cares?

36:48 Jack Osbourne It's fun. I've been going to therapy since I was 12. No, seriously, it's awesome. You just can sit there and just let it all out to someone and they give you solutions to your problem in it, you know, and it's.

36:59 Caller Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

37:03 Drew Do you think that's part of the reason you were able to make change?

37:06 Jack Osbourne Just getting a solution to my problem?

37:07 Drew Well, no, no, having trusted a process or being connected to a process.

37:11 Adam You had a little foundation of therapy. Hey, here's the thing, Sydney. Maybe it has a little stigma, probably shouldn't these days. Certainly out in California, there's a stigma of not going to therapy.

37:24 Drew I find it bizarre that people would consider it outlandish not to see a heart doctor if you have a heart problem, not to see a lung doctor if you have a lung problem. But when you have a brain issue, well, we're not going to talk about that. That we don't deal with.

37:36 Adam Well, there's a perceived weakness. And let's face it, that's in that people become stigmatized and people think they're going to get on medications that they don't want to take and so on and so forth. And then a lot of it is just, they don't like the idea of somebody telling them to go. When it's your idea, it seems much easier. But Sydney, go ahead and let your parents pay for it. What the hell? It makes them happy and you can get something out of it.

37:59 Jack Osbourne It's a mis-fuzz out there, you know?

38:02 Adam It's what we call win-win.

38:05 Caller Oh, like, I mean, I'll go. I don't mind going, but it's-

38:10 Adam All right, thank you. She don't mind going, she's gonna go. We gotta go too. I know she had more to say, but that seemed like enough. Just go. All right. Oh, Andy Richter's on the phone. Now we gotta go to break, but- You forgot. Andy, Andy, you there?

38:28 Caller Yeah. I'm here and I'm retarded.

38:32 Adam What happened, buddy?

38:33 Caller Um, get this. I forgot.

38:37 Adam Wow. I'm glad we mean that much to you, Andy.

38:42 Caller Oh, I'm-

38:43 Adam Let me say this, son.

38:44 Drew We can't be that far away.

38:45 Caller No, you're not that far away. And here's the thing. This is, I'm like such a retard and need to be led around so much that I should never have said, cause they said, do we need to send a car for you? Why couldn't you drive yourself? An old humble me, I say, oh no, I'll drive myself. Don't worry about it. And then I'm home and my wife, my wife's been sick. So she went to bed earlier. She might've been, she might've reminded me.

39:09 Adam Yeah, I do blame her.

39:12 Caller No, no, no. And that's not what I'm saying. But anyway.

39:15 Adam Well, but listen, Andy, you live in town, right?

39:17 Caller I do.

39:18 Adam Now you don't have to come tonight because it's late. And by the time, you know, you get out of your pajamas under ruse and into your street clothes and everything. We'll be wrapping it up.

39:30 Drew We're having a good time with Jack.

39:31 Adam We're having a good time with Jack. Jack's really. What, another hour? He's two guests, quite frankly. But how about you come in? Yeah, we're on for another hour. But honestly, we start packing in in about 11 on the show. I mean, we start winding down.

39:45 Right.

39:46 Adam Yeah, because I don't want to get home and be too whipped up.

39:48 You know what I mean?

39:50 Adam True, and I like to go to bed when we get home. So we start sort of internally winding the show down about 11, about an hour before we go off the air. How about you just...

39:59 Caller So this is sort of like you're almost, you're in the pre... This is the climax, really.

40:03 Adam Yeah, we're gonna hit the crescendo in about eight minutes and then the last hour against what we call refractory or cool down period.

40:11 Drew It's a refractory period.

40:12 Caller Sort of a thanks for the memory for an hour.

40:15 Adam So what you can do is you can come in here next Sunday, for instance.

40:21 Drew And we can talk about the big release and how the film is done over the weekend.

40:25 Adam That's right.

40:26 Caller All right. No, I mean, I would say absolutely, but the only thing is that's Mother's Day.

40:33 Adam Oh yeah, but you're not swinging with your mom till 10 o'clock at night, are you?

40:38 Caller Yeah, but what about the mother of my child?

40:40 Adam Yeah, you see, here's my point. I don't think a guy can celebrate with five broads. You know, you got her, you got her, you got her. No, everyone picks their mom and goes their separate ways. That's the way I like to play it.

40:51 Drew You got one mom.

40:52 Adam You got one mom. Now, where's your mom? Is she out here?

40:55 Caller She's in Illinois.

40:58 Adam For a second, I thought she was going to be dead and that would have been weird.

41:00 Jack Osbourne Yeah, I was like, I was like.

41:01 Adam She's in Illinois. You can't celebrate with her, but you take your lovely wife out to a nice brunch, right?

41:06 Caller Right.

41:07 Adam You cut her loose about noon. She's out, you get her one of those Vermont teddy bears. She's on her own after two o'clock.

41:13 Caller Wow.

41:15 Adam You come in here.

41:15 Caller This is one of the foremost advice shows on the radio.

41:18 Adam Yeah, you tell her, Drew said if she can't handle a little self-reflection and introspection somewhere about nine o'clock, she's no woman for you.

41:29 Caller No, I'll probably be in there.

41:32 Adam Yeah, you'll be freed up. You'll be freed up by nine.

41:34 Caller I'll probably be in there. Yeah, but the reason that you're so hard up is because it's Mother's Day, so I'm not like the only one in town who's like, no, no. You know, go on the radio or honor the, you know.

41:47 Caller What about Tuesday or Wednesday?

41:48 Drew What's it up for, is it a night? You're going to New York.

41:51 Caller Wait, again?

41:51 Adam Yeah, we can, we can, well, listen, just honestly, is your wife there? Can I speak to her?

41:57 Caller No, she's upstairs.

41:58 Adam She's upstairs, okay. The phone won't make it or upstairs. All right, well, she's upstairs. All right, she went to bed. The point is, she goes to bed early, Andy.

42:12 Caller Well, she's been, I'm telling you, she's been sick.

42:14 Adam She's been sick. I'm saying, Sunday night, you guys, you guys will be wrapped up by five in the evening. Latest.

42:20 Caller Right.

42:21 Adam Latest, okay?

42:22 Caller And we love each other so much that it-

42:25 Adam Right, right.

42:25 Caller We'll be sick of each other from all the loving.

42:27 Adam Yeah, and then you leave here at 9.30. You'll be glad to get out of the house by then.

42:31 Caller All right.

42:31 Adam All right, we're gonna put you on hold. You can talk to producer Ann. We're all settled up.

42:35 Caller I hope this was fascinating for all the listeners.

42:39 Adam It was, and let me-

42:40 Caller Just a little bit of scheduling.

42:42 Adam Let me say this. Be prepared for two hours of this Sunday night. Talk about Mother's Day, what floor your wife is on. It's gonna be huge. All right, so that's what happened to Andy Richter. There we go. But that's all right, because we got Jack Osbourne here. And again, we start winding down about six minutes anyway. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

43:06 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

43:22 Adam I'm Adam and Dr. Drew over there. Fun of 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Jack Osbourne. A real celebrity, the man of his word. He honors his commitments as Jack. Well, like I said earlier, Jack is not a guy that's... Don't stop me, by the way. I'll exaggerate here, but I'm guessing he's not so much as tasted a beer in his day.

43:47 Jack Osbourne Oh, never.

43:48 Adam And not so much as had a teaspoon of Robitussin.

43:51 Jack Osbourne I'm a Mormon.

43:52 Adam In his life. He's very clean. And I don't know what your religion is, but I know, I've seen your family, and I know you're from a very, very tight, very strong, very spiritual upbringing. Anyone who knows Richter knows this kid's got a problem. He is out of control. I saw it as early as Conan. I saw it on the Andy Richter controls the universe. I heard problems, him showing up, him pretty coked up, him pretty loaded, out of control of the women, the violence that then came with the drug abuse. And I don't think I'm telling anyone here anything they haven't already heard or read about in the tabloids. Richter's out of control. And this was just another case of that. I'm guessing the guy has not put down the crack pipe since, well, probably picked it up Thursday and has not put it down yet. He's on a bender. He's probably picking at himself right now. Drew, you know about the paranoid psychotic delusions that goes on with this drug.

44:51 Drew Well, just the inability to manage his life. That he's out of control.

44:53 Adam He's looking out the window. He sees armed uniform officers everywhere. The black helicopters. The guy's paranoid.

45:00 Jack Osbourne Well, I drove past his house and he was putting tin foil on the windows.

45:04 Adam Tin foil on the windows. And probably is gonna use some of those to fashion into a crack pipe later on. It's sad. It's sad because a guy has talent and he has ability. It's just sad. And let's hope when he comes in here, it'll be a little bit of an intervention. If in fact he puts in a crack pipe.

45:22 Drew You know, troll him, pick him up.

45:23 Jack Osbourne I pray for him.

45:24 Adam I do. I do too. And there's a lot of hosts would be angry, but I have pity for the man. I really do because it's a disease. It's quite frankly a disease. And Jack, I don't expect you know anything about this. You're 18. Like I said, you grew up in a Christian environment, but Drew, we've seen him come, we've seen him go. Yeah.

45:42 Drew It's common.

45:43 Adam Very sad.

45:43 Drew All right, go to break.

45:45 Adam We're going to break?

45:46 Drew You want to take the last question on the bottom, maybe, very bottom.

45:48 Adam All right, it'll be fast.

45:51 Hi, Adam.

45:52 Adam You're 16.

45:53 Caller Yeah, I just want to say you're a god.

45:55 Adam Thank you.

45:55 Drew And your question.

45:58 Caller I just got a Datsun 510, and I know you have a couple of those, or a 510. I just wondered maybe your opinion on how I can get some power out of it.

46:14 Adam I like a car question, everyone. So you already got an 1800 CC engine in there?

46:18 Caller It's a 1600. It's a 70.

46:23 Adam Yeah, I got tons of parts. You can put a little header on there, and maybe a cam and set a side draft, a McHoonie 44s or Webbers or Solex carbs, something like that. But ultimately, you're gonna need to raise the compression a little bit. You wanna get some real horsepower out of that.

46:40 Caller That's where I go about that.

46:42 Adam And you gotta mill the head a little bit, or just different pistons. You get pistons with that. All right, now we gotta go right. Yeah, you gotta get the dome type pistons. You raise the compression, yes, Drew? The flat tops, you don't get any compression, but you put a little bump on the top. Yeah, you get in the bottom end and do a little O-ring. All right, we'll be back.

47:00 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal. Looking to hook up?

47:03 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:04 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:05 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:06 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:08 Caller Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

47:13 Caller You know what I'm saying, I'm dead!

47:49 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Jack Osbourne is in studio tonight. Jack's got new movies doing, Drew.

47:57 Drew What's it called?

47:58 Adam It's called New York Minute.

48:00 Drew Nice.

48:01 Adam Now, not only is Jack in this movie, but Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen. Yeah? The Olsen twins. This is their movie. And Eugene Levy's in this movie. And also, that's Jack punching the mic. And also, you're in this movie.

48:22 Drew Yeah, it's true. And the out of control guy, Richter.

48:25 Adam Andy Richter. The Flake. Sad, yeah. He's got to, I don't know if he's been talking to a sponsor or what the deal is, but it's really, he's got to reconnect. And let me just say this. Andy, if you're listening, there's people out there care about you a great deal, okay, man? And if you could just pick up the phone and talk to one of them, I just think it'd be important.

48:48 Jack Osbourne Reach out, Andy, there's people like that.

48:50 Adam Right, but you got to make that move and you got to want it, you all right?

48:53 Jack Osbourne We can't walk his program from now, we really, you know.

48:56 Adam Right, yeah.

48:58 Drew Oh, Adam, I try.

48:59 Adam Mm-hmm, all right. Ready to roll? Let's talk to Lauren.

49:04 Drew Adam has a long history of rescuing people. I do? That's his thing. Yeah, yeah, it's your thing.

49:09 Adam Oh yeah, that's me.

49:10 Drew Lauren?

49:11 Caller Yeah.

49:12 Adam You're 19?

49:13 Caller Yes, I am.

49:14 Adam What's up?

49:16 Caller Okay, just wanted to let you know, I am getting off of all of my drugs and alcohol from a certain situation. So this is kind of just a question for the future, I guess.

49:30 Jack Osbourne What drugs?

49:32 Caller What's that?

49:33 Jack Osbourne What drugs?

49:37 Caller Mostly marijuana. But I've also snorted some drugs and done a little bit of opium. Just like, not been really hard, just kind of those kinds of things. But the problem is that if you set any kind of drug in front of me, I'd be willing to try it.

49:55 Caller Marijuana is the flame, heroin is the fuse, LSD is the bomb.

49:58 Drew By the way, you're saying marijuana addicted, using alcohol, snorting stimulants, smoking opium. What would the hard drugs be?

50:07 Adam Let's just try a few.

50:09 Caller I mean, like coke or heroin.

50:12 Caller I don't do anything.

50:13 Drew Opium and heroin, the same thing. Same thing.

50:16 Jack Osbourne Hate to inform you.

50:17 Adam All right, so look, Lauren, here's the thing. We won't, I won't label you a addict just yet. Are you able not to do drugs?

50:29 Caller Well, right now I'm going to like AA and- I'm just starting out there and I'm gonna kind of take it as it comes. It's not easy right now.

50:39 Adam I think you need, by the way, you say you have difficulty not doing drugs that are put before you. You need to maybe start hanging out with a different group.

50:48 Jack Osbourne Well, what's inspired you to stop all of a sudden? Did something happen?

50:53 Caller I was fired from my last job due to a pleasant circumstance, and my parents kind of went ape-s.

51:06 Adam We can't say the S word on there. Ever since the FCC cracked down, we can't say the F word and the S bomb. Parents went ape-s. That should be acceptable if it's done in a sort of colorful, colorful colloquialism, you know what I mean?

51:22 Jack Osbourne Yeah. Is the animals involved?

51:24 Adam Yeah. It's like, look, I took a big steaming ass, fine, but if you say, look, listen, don't this guy look like he was going to ass a cue ball or something, you know what I mean?

51:38 Drew If it's possible, you ass.

51:42 Adam My point is, is if it can be sort of creatively displayed, I would let it slide.

51:47 Drew It needs to be colorful.

51:48 Adam Yeah, like ass on a shingle.

51:50 Caller If you're talking about this army food.

51:51 Jack Osbourne Did you guys get the full sit down and like, guys, you know, you can't be doing this anymore. You can't be doing that.

51:55 Drew We first got, you can't do anything.

51:58 Adam Right.

51:59 Drew First got, you got to think.

52:00 Adam Well, that's how Drew interpreted it.

52:02 Drew No, no, we got that.

52:02 Adam No, we got, we got the talking to when all the ass hit the fan. See, to me, that would be usable.

52:08 Jack Osbourne Do you mean when the nipple hit the camera? Right.

52:11 Drew That was that.

52:11 Adam When the nipple hit the camera and then Clear Channel started firing everybody and all Howard Stern stuff crept up and we knew a lot of guys in the industry that got fired. Then we got the call that said, look, I don't know what it is, but be careful. And Drew took that as not not speaking for the first 20 minutes of that show. I remember Drew started the show like, how are you, Dr. Drew excited about tonight's show? What line do you want to go to? He had to start tapping his foot, one hoof on it, like I said, what line do you want to go to? And he goes, okay, three, that's three, I couldn't say, is it two or three taps? So I'm going to go through. That meant no.

52:53 Drew I was much more expressive with my brush.

52:55 Adam Drew literally did not talk for the first 20 minutes. And then the thing about it is, is we were ironically, this thing is comical. We were told, don't talk about this on the air. And I came in here with every intention not to talk about, or talking to on the air. It's just when Drew refused to talk, about minute 23 of the show, I got angry and started screaming at him. And I said, I know you were told not to talk. And I know we were told that didn't mean, you know, we got to do a radio show at a certain point. So my feeling is, is I'll just do the radio show. And if we get thrown off, we get thrown off. Shut up, everyone, talk. That's right. That's what I was yelling. But, yeah, it was it was bad times. And there's no there's no no guidelines, clearly defined guidelines.

53:39 Drew No guidelines. Whoa. That's really, really makes it really hard. That's we follow the guidelines if we had some.

53:45 Jack Osbourne But then that's just like the FCC is doing it to himself at that point, though, right?

53:49 Drew No.

53:50 Adam Well, what do you mean doing it to themselves?

53:51 Jack Osbourne I mean, they're making that job a lot harder if they simply map out. You can't do this. You can't do that. Now, here, go do your job, right? It would make it a job much easier because they wouldn't be calling and doing investigating, right?

54:04 Adam Yeah. And by the way, when Jack says can't, it's borderline.

54:08 Drew It's nearly an FCC violation.

54:10 Adam Yeah. Sound a little like the C word there. But the point is, yeah, I have no idea. They don't have any idea either. And it's just that kind of ominous, we'll know it when we hear it. So everyone just freaks out and has no idea what to do. And then, of course, for Drew, if you want to save my job, I won't talk. Ultimately, Drew, I got to believe that strategy would come back to bite you in the ass just a little bit. That might. Like, probably like month number seven, if you're not talking on your radio show, eventually, probably not a lot to negotiate with when the contracts came up. You're right.

54:43 Jack Osbourne All right.

54:44 Adam Drew's back, though. He's over it.

54:46 Drew Yeah, I think so.

54:47 Jack Osbourne All right.

54:47 Adam And Lauren over here needs to stick with her sobriety, stick with her program, stick with the sponsors and not hang out and run with the same old crowd if they're putting drugs in front of them.

55:00 Drew She has to do more than just go to me and she has to get a sponsor and has to work the steps. That is the critical piece of recovery.

55:05 Jack Osbourne Yeah, but you really got to be, you know, ready, ready, ready to work, ready, ready for a big change.

55:11 Drew Tell us, speak to that a little more. What do you mean?

55:13 Jack Osbourne Well, I mean, it's the most unnatural thing for a drug addict or alcoholic to be without drugs or alcohol. You're like, whoa, you know, you don't know who you are as a person. You don't know what's going to set you off, what's not. And it's a hard thing to deal with it just at first and it's something you have to kind of grow with and understand and it's like basically you're reborn again over however many months it takes you to really feel comfortable.

55:40 Adam How long for you into your sobriety before, I don't know, the cravings went away or you felt like you weren't fighting it?

55:48 Jack Osbourne I still get cravings, but I just know what to do now. You know, I know I need to take a minute and just kind of, you know, all right, just relax and take a breath. But it's just it took about five months to be comfortable enough to start to start going to see bands play again and going out and being a more social kind of gathering. But it's like I'll never go out unless I know that, in fact, I'm meeting people from the program somewhere or, you know, or unless I have people with me. I never go solo.

56:15 Adam Yeah, that's the other thing, too. And that's smart not to put yourself into that position. I'm the same way with the Playboy channel.

56:22 Drew Would most people?

56:23 Adam I'm like, no, I'm not going to watch that tonight.

56:25 Drew You'll notice.

56:26 Adam I always do.

56:27 Drew Yeah, it was a perfect example. If you expose yourself, It calls me. You're thinking.

56:32 Adam I'm watching Discovery and it's like, I hear it. Oh, Adam, stay away. This is me, the playboy. We're feeling lonely. No, I'm watching. I'm watching World at War. Leave me alone. You're already paid for us. Come look at me. Some Jenna Jameson retrospective is on. You know, Jenna was a she was a genie. The other night was Jenna the Genie. Come on, Adam.

56:57 Jack Osbourne I saw that one.

56:58 Caller Yeah, I saw that.

56:59 Adam It was the last night. I was like, no, I'm watching. I'm like, oh, please, you're going to watch Germany invade Poland for the 500th time this week.

57:07 Jack Osbourne You watch those too?

57:07 Adam Yeah, that's all I watch too. Yeah.

57:09 Jack Osbourne You and my dad.

57:11 Adam My dad does is watch.

57:12 Drew I know your mom told us is we had to go. We want to go watch History Channel with them.

57:15 Jack Osbourne Yeah, you and my dad should all sit down, have a good man bonding session.

57:19 Drew I love the History Channel too.

57:20 Adam Drew could go too.

57:22 Drew I like some of the more ancient stuff too. You guys aren't quite into that.

57:25 Jack Osbourne No, I mean, I'm into like, I was watching the barbarians, the barbarian wheat.

57:29 Adam Yeah.

57:37 Caller It's gonna be up in a minute, fellas.

57:39 Drew I'll be the check, I'll be the check.

57:40 Adam And then we do that thing where you bring the nachos and you're in your apron and stuff, and you're set it down, but you've blocked the TV level. And you feel bad.

57:48 Caller I'm throwing chips at me.

57:49 Adam Yeah, but you go back.

57:50 Jack Osbourne This is when the nukes gonna drop and you're in the way.

57:52 Adam Yeah, and I'd be like, hello, Jack's on the wagon, but the Ace fans' daiquiri is dried up. How about a top off, princess?

58:00 Drew And you know that they're gonna have a great, big flat screen there.

58:03 Adam Oh, they got like at least a 50 inch plasma sitting in there.

58:08 Jack Osbourne I just want to, I have my own place, me and a buddy.

58:10 Adam Oh, you got to get your own place.

58:11 Jack Osbourne Yeah, me and buddies have it, and I just want to, I just want about a 42 inch plasma.

58:15 Adam Smart.

58:17 Jack Osbourne Panasonic, it's nice.

58:18 Adam Yeah, we could watch that. We'll go over to Jack's place. Get Ozzy on his speakerphone.

58:22 Drew All right, let's, what? I don't know what we're talking about.

58:26 Adam Well, here's my point. Yeah, what's your point, Drew?

58:30 Drew I don't remember.

58:30 Adam All right, must not have been very important.

58:31 Drew Who are we talking to?

58:32 Jack Osbourne We're all in drugs.

58:34 Adam We're done, everyone, stop doing drugs. Unless you can handle it like me. Katie?

58:40 Caller Hello.

58:41 Adam You're 16?

58:42 Caller Correct.

58:43 Adam You got a bi boyfriend?

58:45 Caller No, no, no, no, no. I'm bi.

58:48 Jack Osbourne She's bi.

58:51 Caller I'm not really attracted to guys that much, but when I am, they're older, like five years older, so like I'm into the guys in their 20s, you know, and like, you know, every, everyone I've been attracted to, regardless of their gender, their gender, like, Their gender?

59:11 Caller Some of the genitals and gender and genitals.

59:13 Jack Osbourne Yeah. All right. What's horribly like they smack you around or?

59:17 Caller One of them used to.

59:18 Adam One of your boyfriends?

59:21 Caller Girlfriend, actually.

59:22 Adam Girlfriend.

59:23 Drew Nice twist.

59:24 Adam Now I'm being beckoned again, Adam.

59:29 Drew I know what I was going to say is that the impulse is somebody who's trying not to do something is to think to themselves, well, I can withstand that Playboy channel. I can go into that bar. I can control it. No problem. Watch it. Here I go. And you can only do that for so long. Eventually the Jenna Jameson, Jeannie.

59:47 Adam That's right. That's right. How about your impulse not to cut off our precious call?

59:51 Drew It was so exciting.

59:52 Adam Once you control that one. Katie? Sorry, baby doll. I'm sorry for my partner. So you've, you're chaotic. You're bisexual. You're with guys that are too old. They're oftentimes abusive. We would predict that you had a little trouble at home.

1:00:08 Caller Yeah. My parents are kind of angry, but you know, they love me. They, they try to raise me to be, you know, a respectable member of society and stuff like that. And I really admire them for that. But, you know, sometimes things can get a little chaotic at home.

1:00:25 Adam Were we ever physically abused? No. Sexually abused? Yes. When?

1:00:30 Caller I was 14.

1:00:32 Adam Who did this?

1:00:33 Caller A couple of guys, one of, like, they went to my school, but one of them got expelled for truancy reasons, and the other still goes to my school.

1:00:41 Adam And what about before this?

1:00:46 Caller Before, no sexual abuse, but I was beat up a lot by, like, other kids in my elementary school.

1:00:53 Drew Really? That's a new twist.

1:00:55 Adam Why?

1:00:55 Caller I don't know. Like, I was pretty much not, you know, I was like a social outcast and stuff.

1:01:04 Drew Kids are so mean. Yeah, but usually the pre-pubertal kids don't do that kind of thing.

1:01:09 Adam Yeah, they're cruel, but they don't beat you up.

1:01:11 Jack Osbourne Well, where do you live?

1:01:12 Caller I live in Minnesota. Uh-huh.

1:01:14 Jack Osbourne Do you live in, like, a sh-tty part of town?

1:01:17 Caller What?

1:01:17 Jack Osbourne Do you live in, like, kind of a rough neighborhood?

1:01:19 Caller Um, not too rough. I mean, like, I live, like, real close to Minneapolis.

1:01:26 Adam South side of St. Paul.

1:01:27 Caller Wrong side of the tracks. There's a lot of violent crimes in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area.

1:01:32 Adam All right, but look, you were in the fourth grade. You worked on a school with gang bangers, were you?

1:01:39 Caller No, of course not.

1:01:40 Adam All right, and I don't understand why no one put a stop to you being beat up constantly.

1:01:47 Caller I don't know. I don't know. The school district around here is kind of weird.

1:01:53 Drew It just doesn't all fit together.

1:01:54 Adam No, it doesn't. But anyway, Katie. I don't know. You're living at home. Correct. You're doing, are you in school? Mm-hmm. Okay, you're...

1:02:06 Drew What's your question?

1:02:07 Adam Yeah.

1:02:07 Caller Well, my question is, you know, like, I don't really understand why exactly I'm attracted to the people that I am. Like, if it's the sexual abuse, which doesn't really make much sense because, like, you know, I was, like, attracted to these people before it actually happened, so...

1:02:27 Drew But we suspect that some form of sexual abuse happened before the rape at 14. And as a result of that, there's some sort of real serious chaos or inappropriate sexual exposure. Do you see a lot of pornography when you're growing up or something?

1:02:40 Caller No.

1:02:41 Drew Or is your dad inappropriate with that?

1:02:43 Adam No, not enough pornography. That's what happened to me. My dad wanted to see porn. I was denied.

1:02:49 Drew But something happened.

1:02:50 Adam Well, maybe just a bad apple, Katie.

1:02:54 Drew See, when something sort of sets your template, somebody sets the... Basically, what people do is they're traumatizing childhood and they go into their adult life and that becomes the source of attraction. Things that were traumatizing you in childhood are sources of attraction in young adults and adolescents and you sort of basically end up re-enacting your traumas.

1:03:10 Adam All right.

1:03:10 Drew But what about... Because you're attracted to those things.

1:03:11 Adam What about this? I don't want to be Pollyanna over here, but I don't know. When I was young, I didn't think about drinking coffee because it's just something older people did. I'm sure I would have liked it, put enough cream and sugar in it, but it just wasn't on the menu. There's a lot of stuff that's not on the menu. Year 16, the whole bisexuality, dating guys in their 20s shouldn't be on your menu. All right, your parents love you, come from a decent environment, there was no wholesale of beers, then stop it. Focus on your grades a little bit.

1:03:42 Drew It is possible this is still a post-traumatic stress reaction from the rape because people will do strange things like that. They will reenact traumas after a rape.

1:03:49 Adam But also, I think everyone would like to do a lot of things. They just sort of realize, look, I'm too young, I need to finish my education and go off to college or do whatever. I'm not. I was watching the barbarians. Here's what I'm saying. We've been running into this, like, look, if you feel like doing something, well, there must be a reason you feel like doing it. A, where no one is going to condemn you for doing it. And then B, well, society or family or whatever, the powers that be, television have made you do this. And then no one's ever really jumping in and saying, hey, stop it. Yeah, stop doing, even if you're compulsed or compelled to do something, don't do it.

1:04:31 Drew But the difficult thing, what's also never spoken of, though, is once you have a motivational priority, that is to say, just the way you want to eat or survive, that kind of a priority is set in your brain. It's very difficult to change it.

1:04:43 Adam That's true.

1:04:44 Drew And no one really gives any advice on how to do that. It's just a bunch of platitudes about making change. Yeah, well, they'll just tell you to decide to change. Just make a decision. Yeah. Jack, did you make a decision? Is that how that worked? Just decide not to use, I've yet to find that patient that can just decide not to use.

1:05:06 Jack Osbourne Yeah, I have a buddy who just decided not to use anymore.

1:05:10 Drew Not a drug addict then?

1:05:11 Jack Osbourne He still drinks though. You think?

1:05:14 Drew Doing something else, taking some prescription stuff probably too. That's usually how people decide not to use. They decide with a little help of their doctor or somebody to help them with their anxiety or their mood. And they keep stringing things along with that for a while.

1:05:28 Adam You keep an eye on that one, Jeff. I want you to hang with him. As soon as the street lights come on, you guys go separate ways. You understand?

1:05:35 Drew And by the way, earlier-

1:05:36 Adam I want you to hang out with him at night. You hear me?

1:05:39 Drew The street lights.

1:05:40 Adam Street lights, fire up, you head home, he heads home.

1:05:44 Drew But early in people's disease, they can use their volition, they can use will. I mean, before things spiral up, before the motivational systems get going, people can kind of see a trouble emerging, go, okay, I'm gonna cut back, I'm not gonna use. And then it will sort of pick back up again eventually.

1:05:58 Adam Let's talk to Brian who has a Germany or Florida.

1:06:02 Yeah, hi.

1:06:03 Adam Yeah, hey, what's up?

1:06:04 Caller Okay, got a good Germany or Florida for ya.

1:06:07 Lyridians are crazy, it seems Germans are too.

1:06:10 Caller When it comes to FBS there's nothing they won't do.

1:06:13 Caller So ask away, it's time to play, don't say I didn't mourn ya. It's Adam Corolla's favorite game, Germany or Florida.

1:06:19 Caller All right, very important.

1:06:21 Adam I believe this is Jack's first round if I determine you're Florida. Just listen closely, Jack. Go ahead, Brian.

1:06:28 Caller Okay, a woman drove around for days with her mother's decomposing body in the passenger seat of her car. Police found the woman's body in the car, parked outside a department store after shoppers complained about an odor in the parking lot.

1:06:46 Adam Some people do anything to capitalize on that diamond line.

1:06:49 Jack Osbourne That's definitely Florida.

1:06:50 Adam It looks like Florida.

1:06:52 Jack Osbourne That's Florida.

1:06:53 Adam Well now, let's hear it out because maybe she's under an oppression now.

1:06:56 Caller The medical examiner ruled that a 65-year-old woman had died of natural causes at least five days earlier. The woman's daughter in her mid-30s was shopping inside the store. She was incoherent and unable to give a clear account of what happened. Germany or Florida.

1:07:18 Drew Incoherent because she should be shopping.

1:07:20 Adam Well, a woman can shop a couple hours after they're dead. Many women. You know, a chicken can run around with its head cut off.

1:07:27 Jack Osbourne When you die, your hand grows, your fingernail grows.

1:07:29 Adam Yeah, one can continue shopping.

1:07:31 Jack Osbourne Well, I know my mom at least could.

1:07:33 Adam She could. And I suspect I'm gonna squeeze one off after I'm dead.

1:07:36 Drew Yeah, there's no doubt about that. Yeah, yeah.

1:07:39 Adam Because I'm not gonna lie, my back that long without something happening.

1:07:41 Drew Yeah, even dead, yeah.

1:07:42 Adam All right, Germany or Florida.

1:07:45 Drew Why do you say not Germany?

1:07:46 Jack Osbourne I just, I feel like that's a very, very American thing to do.

1:07:50 Drew Really?

1:07:51 Jack Osbourne A really insane. That seems like a very Florida thing to do.

1:07:56 Adam It does, it does.

1:07:57 Drew Because of the level of denial and stuff.

1:07:59 Jack Osbourne And plus they said mall, shopping center.

1:08:03 Caller Also, also driving.

1:08:05 Adam And decomposing.

1:08:06 Jack Osbourne Yeah, the heat.

1:08:07 Adam I believe a body would last longer.

1:08:09 Drew In Germany.

1:08:09 Adam On the Autobahn than it would out in the African.

1:08:12 Jack Osbourne Think about how cold it is. It's still pretty cold over in Germany right now.

1:08:15 Adam It is.

1:08:15 Drew It would have not stunk.

1:08:17 Adam Yeah.

1:08:17 Drew All right, Florida.

1:08:18 Adam Yeah, cause for me it was about the-

1:08:19 Drew I was thinking Germany, but I'm going, I've been persuaded.

1:08:23 Adam Okay, well Drew, you wanna go Germany?

1:08:24 Drew No, I'm going Florida.

1:08:25 Adam You know, it's a better game if one of us picks the other one instead of you agreeing with everyone all the time. I'm thinking Florida too.

1:08:31 Drew You're always right.

1:08:32 Adam Go Germany.

1:08:33 Drew All right, Germany.

1:08:33 Adam Drew goes Germany. Jack goes Florida. The Ace man goes for Florida. And the answer is, Brian.

1:08:40 Caller And the answer is Florida.

1:08:43 Caller Yeah, Drew, you idiot.

1:08:45 Adam Oh man, you suck at this game. Thanks, Brian.

1:08:50 Caller You're welcome.

1:08:51 Adam That was a wonderful Germany or Florida.

1:08:53 Drew That was a good one.

1:08:55 Jack Osbourne You ever read the Darwin Awards?

1:08:57 Adam Yeah. Well, no, I've never read it because I believe reading poisons to mind, but I have heard of the Darwin Awards.

1:09:03 Jack Osbourne They're the greatest books ever. You would love it.

1:09:05 Adam Are they books?

1:09:06 Jack Osbourne They're books. You can go to the bookstore and you can go get the Darwin Awards. There's four of them now.

1:09:10 Adam Have you ever seen that, Drew?

1:09:11 Drew I've heard of it. I've not seen it.

1:09:12 Jack Osbourne Oh, that's so, that's so cool.

1:09:14 Adam What's your best one? I like it when the guys go out to the salt flats and try to set land speed records by, you know, taking sparrows or sinewinder missiles and like hooking them up to radio flyer wagons and stuff and actually, you know, not figuring out a way to slow down and that kind of stuff.

1:09:32 Jack Osbourne There was one that was really, really interesting to me. A guy decided to commit suicide and he wanted to do it right because he read things about people shooting themselves in the head, surviving people hanging themselves with their necks just break and they're crippled and just all these really morbid things. So he goes to a cliff, ties a rope to the end of his car and he is gonna jump, swallow poison and shoot himself in the head.

1:09:56 Adam And the ropes around his neck.

1:09:58 Jack Osbourne Around his neck. So he jumps, shoots the bullet, slices the rope.

1:10:06 Adam Sure.

1:10:06 Jack Osbourne He bites down the poison, falls down to the ocean, swallows a whole bunch of water, which apparently flushes the poison through him. And he later died of hypothermia like 14 hours later.

1:10:20 Adam Really?

1:10:20 Jack Osbourne Just floating around.

1:10:21 Adam Just floating around in the ocean.

1:10:22 Jack Osbourne Yeah.

1:10:23 Adam Oh, that's a bad slow death. Yeah, but you know, ultimately he's dead. He wasn't able to achieve that.

1:10:29 Jack Osbourne I wonder at what point was he like, I just can't do this anymore.

1:10:32 Drew I made a bad idea.

1:10:33 Jack Osbourne Yeah, I made a real bad idea.

1:10:35 Adam Well, that's the whole thing. Whenever they interview these guys, and I saw a show where the guys that jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and lived, a lot of people commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. Very small percentage of them actually live for one reason or another.

1:10:51 Jack Osbourne That was on Discovery. Well, History, one of them.

1:10:53 Drew History must be history.

1:10:54 Adam Yeah, that's when the Playboy's like, come on, Adam, I'm so lonely.

1:10:58 Drew I miss you. And what did they say?

1:11:02 Adam You're hot when you're watching those Nazis and those people killing themselves, but I miss you. It was beckoning me.

1:11:09 Drew I know that.

1:11:10 Adam What it is is everybody evidently who lived, who jumps off the bridge, their first thought is, what am I doing? Like, as soon as they get airborne, it's like, why did I do this? And it makes me think that it's not just a coincidence. They didn't do anything to live. They just happened to.

1:11:26 Drew Well, you know what it is? In the face of that kind of an extreme situation, your neurochemicals start firing up and your depression lifts. And all of a sudden, it's like, whoa, whoa.

1:11:34 Adam Burst of adrenaline.

1:11:35 Drew I don't feel so bad anymore. What am I doing?

1:11:37 Adam Yeah, well, the unfortunate part of killing yourself by jumping off something is when you're three and a half feet away from whatever you jumped off of, you still have the full 30 stories to think about it. Your first thought is, this was a bad idea, which to me makes your final seconds on the planet that much worse.

1:11:59 Jack Osbourne Okay, but speaking of jumping, it says we're on a morbid thing. When the people were jumping off the towers, do you think they thought that though?

1:12:06 Adam Well, no, because they weren't trying to kill them. So you mean the Twin Towers, 9-Eleven, no, no. They were thinking of this, they knew this sucked all the way down. Yeah, this was just, that's another one of those things, like I don't want to burn, I'll jump. Yeah, somebody could, somebody start burning, you jump off anything. Yeah, very sad, but thanks for bringing that up, Jack. All right, everybody. Hey, New York Minute's the name of the movie. It's got the Olsen twins, Jack's gonna recreate his old 9-Eleven, Salome Queen, it's fantastic. We'll take a quick break, we'll be right back.

1:12:38 Caller Hello, this is your radio idiot, Loveline will be ready.

1:13:00 Adam Dr. Drew, check out this foreign rambling man. He's like a, he's a video over Blockbuster. You can rent, but you can't own. You gotta return. You know what I'm saying, ladies? You drop Jack in the overnight deposit box. That's right, he's Rambling Man. He rambles at, well, like we're talking about, between noon and two, rambling time. Yeah, about the time you'll be eating lunch, you'll be rolling out of bed and getting into his rambling boots and rambling.

1:13:31 Jack Osbourne I'll leave a rose on the pillow with a note.

1:13:33 Adam That's right, it's rambling time.

1:13:36 Drew I hope you understand.

1:13:37 Adam Yeah, he's born a rambling man. His dad was a rambler. I'm guessing his grandfather did some rambling before that.

1:13:43 Jack Osbourne Actually, I don't know, I really...

1:13:45 Adam Do you think you're Grant? No, no.

1:13:48 Drew Grant dad was a working stiff, right?

1:13:49 Jack Osbourne Yeah, my granddad was a laboring man.

1:13:52 Adam Yeah, but so he didn't, it's hard to ramble. Here's where you got to ramble, you got to have a truck, you got to have some boots, and you got to have a little bit of pocket change.

1:14:00 Jack Osbourne Yeah, that's the thing, he didn't have a truck. He think he had some boots with some holes in it.

1:14:04 Drew What did he do, is your grandpa still around?

1:14:06 Jack Osbourne No, my grandpa died in like, maybe 81.

1:14:09 Adam And he was like a miner or something, what'd he do?

1:14:12 Jack Osbourne He worked in a steel factory, I believe.

1:14:16 Adam In England?

1:14:16 Jack Osbourne Yeah, I think they made, and during the war he made weapons and shells and stuff. And I think after the war he made like tools.

1:14:25 Adam Wow. And that's your dad's dad. And then your mom's dad was a record guy, right?

1:14:32 Jack Osbourne Yeah, he was like a big record.

1:14:34 Adam Well, what did he do before that?

1:14:36 Jack Osbourne Before that, he was the Jewish Elvis.

1:14:38 Adam Oh, he was?

1:14:39 Jack Osbourne He was considered the Jewish Elvis.

1:14:42 Adam In England again?

1:14:44 Jack Osbourne No, well, what happened was after the war, he was in his early 20s, he started traveling to all the hospitals where all the victims of the Holocaust were at and doing a lot of USO things and he became known in Europe as the Jewish Elvis. He was huge.

1:15:05 Adam Wow. And did he do like a blue suede yarmulke?

1:15:15 Jack Osbourne To be honest with you, I think it was kind of a mix of things, like he sang a whole bunch of old Yiddish songs.

1:15:20 Adam And he was the Jewish Elvis before Elvis was Elvis then, right?

1:15:25 Jack Osbourne I think.

1:15:25 Drew Boys they rock.

1:15:28 Adam Well, I mean, because he had to be.

1:15:30 Jack Osbourne Elvis was around the 50s. This was like, this was in the 50s.

1:15:35 Adam So Elvis was known as the Jewish Elvis. All right, it's a good time, it's nothing Holocaust survivors love more than the guy showing up in a, you know, crush velvet jumpsuit, doing a little hound dog for a mother, you know, trying to get their emaciated bodies back in shape, you know, it's a good time.

1:15:54 Drew If you don't think there were complaints about the incidental reference to the Holocaust, this one should upset people duly. Yeah, we apologize for Adam's cruel illusions.

1:16:07 Adam No, I'm just saying, it's not the top of your list. I mean, plate spinner, that's something else, you know, that's the guy's moving. Yeah, yeah, it'll be weird to do a plate spinner with some really slow music because that's a taller order. You know what I mean?

1:16:30 Jack Osbourne It's something like Swan Lake or something, right?

1:16:32 Adam Yeah, just something very long and maybe sobering and sort of drawn out, you know, and then spinning plates. Someone's got to bring that back to him. Let's talk to Terry, who's 26. Terry? What's up? Jack has a problem too.

1:16:59 Drew Why is that a problem?

1:17:01 I heard that when a woman does that, that it's urine and it scares me and I try to hold it back now.

1:17:09 Drew Well, there can be urinary incontinence with orgasm, but most women it's not. It's more sort of an ejaculate.

1:17:15 Really?

1:17:16 Drew Yeah.

1:17:16 Because I smelled it and it doesn't smell like urine at all. It's like a clear fluid.

1:17:21 Drew Yeah, it probably isn't. Probably isn't.

1:17:23 Adam You would kind of know, right?

1:17:24 Drew Yeah, you could always take some asparagus and test yourself out.

1:17:27 Adam Yeah. You ever do the asparagus thing? Boy, Drew, I'm really amazed at the people that haven't done the urine math with the asparagus, which is you eat some asparagus in your urine. Drew, please.

1:17:42 Drew Quickly. Very quickly, it turns to hell.

1:17:44 Adam Yeah, Drew.

1:17:45 Drew Old strong ammonia.

1:17:46 Adam Drew knows.

1:17:47 Jack Osbourne Wait, what's the statistics of women who have that?

1:17:50 Drew The squirting? It's pretty unusual, but some women just do it all the time and some women do it some of the time. It's probably less than 10 percent, wouldn't you say, Adam?

1:17:57 Adam Yeah. But Jack, I'm sure if you haven't run into it yet, being a rambling man, you'll find it on your travels at some point. That's part of being a rambling man. You sampled the buffet of life. Yeah, Terry. So listen, I'm telling you, do you like asparagus? Not really. I got to shut up, by the way, asparagus is one of the best vegetables, it really is.

1:18:28 Jack Osbourne I had a great asparagus dish last night.

1:18:30 Adam Really? How was the urine?

1:18:31 Jack Osbourne You know what? This morning, because I'm really dehydrated in my room because the air conditioning is off.

1:18:35 Adam Sure.

1:18:36 Jack Osbourne It was fine.

1:18:37 Adam Good urine?

1:18:38 Jack Osbourne Yeah, it was pretty crystal-y.

1:18:39 Adam Okay, because I got to tell you, Drew, I do the urine.

1:18:43 Drew Adam knocks about it. Adam had two surprise attacks on me because he's always farting and doing stuff that, of course, is old fashioned.

1:18:49 Adam We go to the bathroom together.

1:18:50 Drew Yeah, old fashioned ways upset me, but the two surprise attacks are, one is the garlic burp.

1:18:55 Adam I let a lamby, garlicky belch go in the hole.

1:19:00 Drew I crapped himself. I'm convinced.

1:19:02 Adam Drew said, what did you do, ass in your pants? I was walking in front of the hole. I don't know why, and I've had this happen to me a few times, there's something more egregious about a bad belch than there is about a fart.

1:19:13 Jack Osbourne You know what?

1:19:14 Drew It's vomit and fart together.

1:19:15 Jack Osbourne You know what? Because last night I was hanging out with my friend and we were watching Sopranos and I was talking to her and didn't realize, I burped and I just kept going and she's like, did you just burp? And I was like, yeah, she's like, don't do that again and I was like, I just totally didn't realize.

1:19:34 Adam Well, it's a stripper friend. But how about me and Jack being separated at birth? I eat asparagus, he eats asparagus, I let the belch fly. Probably about the same time last night we let the belch fly, you know?

1:19:45 Drew There's a synergy here.

1:19:46 Adam About 10, 20, yeah.

1:19:47 Jack Osbourne But you watch Nazis get shot? I do.

1:19:50 Drew But then the other way again is at the urinal, he'll just blow me out of the bathroom with the old strong ammonia pee.

1:19:56 Adam Yeah, now, seriously, you eat the asparagus and the rarer, the more raw you eat it.

1:20:01 Drew And it meets a bushel.

1:20:02 Adam Yeah, and if you eat it raw, forget it, but if you just sort of poach it.

1:20:07 Jack Osbourne Steam it a little bit.

1:20:08 Adam Steam it a little bit, still fine. Eat a few stalks of that, about a half hour, 45 minutes later, the urine is pungent and it's pretty fast. It's pretty crazy smelling.

1:20:16 Jack Osbourne Yeah, Adam, have you gone into any of the Second World War video games? Have you delved into that yet?

1:20:23 Adam I'll tell you why, because...

1:20:24 Drew They'll never emerge.

1:20:26 Adam No, no, I bought... I'll tell you why. I bought that one, that one where the Pearl Harbor one. And Drew, have you seen this? They're running a great commercial. The guy was... The commercial was like about six months old. The guy was swimming in like beautiful Caribbean waters and he's looking at fish and everything. Yeah. All of a sudden, he pops his head out of the water. There's bullets flying everywhere. Well, the guy jumped off a burning ship at the Pearl Harbor. But the point is, okay, here's what I understand. I've got one of those video games and the guy said, my buddy said, get a memory card. And I said, what do we do with the memory card? And he's like, well, that way you can keep playing from this point. And I was like, well, I don't need a memory card. And I got the game. Now the game doesn't start with you shooting jabs. This game starts with you sleeping in a bunk and then a bomb hits your ship. And then I can't get out. And then it keeps starting over. Don't watch that word. Watch that word, Jack. He said the C word, I think.

1:21:20 Drew I said cunt.

1:21:21 Adam He just made fun of me.

1:21:22 Drew Emmanuel cunt.

1:21:23 Adam That's what they say when they make fun of you.

1:21:25 Drew The critique of pure reason. Emmanuel cunt.

1:21:27 Adam The point is, yeah. Nobody got that right. Here's the point. I can't get out of the bottom of the damn ship and I can't move forward with the game. And they don't tell you, like, look, I want to just man a 50 caliber and start shooting some zeros. You can't, I can't get to it.

1:21:40 Jack Osbourne But once you get out, you got to follow your little map thing.

1:21:42 Adam I can't get out.

1:21:43 Jack Osbourne Well, once you get out, the first thing you do is you mount at 50 caliber and just go to town.

1:21:47 Adam You start shooting zeros.

1:21:49 Jack Osbourne Yeah, you do.

1:21:50 Adam I can't get out of the ship and then my friend who's sitting there could be yelling at me. See, I totally get the memory card and start yelling at him, but I can't get out of the bottom of the ship and I keep running around and I can't get out.

1:21:59 Jack Osbourne I just got this one.

1:22:00 Drew You need to get the cheat book, the cheat book.

1:22:02 Adam The cheat book.

1:22:03 Jack Osbourne What?

1:22:04 Adam They can't make anything when you just get up to the deck of the damn ship. The commercials, the guys outside. I'm locked in my bunk. I played it for two hours. I got frustrated. I put it away. That was a year ago. I haven't touched it since. I'll never get out of the ship. This is my life.

1:22:17 Drew Is this a computer game or a PlayStation?

1:22:19 Adam It's like PlayStation. Where's the wuss button that just gets you out? I just want the thing where I'm shooting. I want to shoot. All right. Everything's such a challenge. I just want to shoot some zeros. Is that too much to ask?

1:22:30 Jack Osbourne I'll give you my memory card so you can just put it in and play. Right.

1:22:33 Adam That's what I got to do. I got to get the 50 caliber and I got to shoot those zeros. They're coming in trying to try to bomb a torpedo bomber. She has to. Jack Osbourne here. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:22:49 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:23:06 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline. Jack Osbourne in the studio tonight. Got himself a joint coming out. It's with the Olsen twins. Drew's in that one, too. Jack plays like the band manager. Drew plays the dad. I've just been informed engineer Chris actually has a small role in the film as well. I'm feeling pretty bad about now, Drew. The only one in the room has not been in the Olsen film, the Olsen twin film. That's Sequel. Yeah, I'll catch that. That is the prequel. The movie's called New York Minute and it's coming out on Friday. And Drew, this poor guy's been on hold for 110 minutes because he wants to give us a compliment. We've been ignoring him. Richard?

1:23:48 Yeah.

1:23:49 Adam You're 16.

1:23:50 Caller Yeah.

1:23:51 Adam What's up there, buddy?

1:23:52 Caller All right. First off, I want to say Adam and Drew, I think you guys are great. I've been listening to you for like the past two years. You guys are hilarious and you get some good pointers. Adam, I love your commentary on life in general. I love it when you complain about the Hollywood freeway. And Jack, I think the Osbournes are great. Got seasons one and two on DVD. You guys are gods for being able to work with the Olsen twins. I can only dream about getting within 100 feet of the Olsen.

1:24:24 Drew Isn't that interesting how that age is idolized? Now, were you in that period? Were you really into them before you met them?

1:24:30 Adam No, Jack's cool.

1:24:31 Drew No, but I just.

1:24:31 Caller I was like, yeah, they're pretty hot.

1:24:33 Jack Osbourne I mean, they're really good looking girls.

1:24:36 Adam But you would still have to ramble after being with one of them.

1:24:40 Jack Osbourne You know what? I think I'd stay for dinner.

1:24:43 Adam You'd stay.

1:24:44 Jack Osbourne I'd stay for dinner.

1:24:45 Adam But eventually, rambling time, you know what I mean? He might ramble to another one and then ramble back again.

1:24:51 Drew He's a rambling man. You just sort of. He was born that way.

1:24:54 Adam It'd be like a pong game though, where he rambled from Olsen to Olsen, just back and forth. That's right.

1:25:00 Drew Pong.

1:25:02 Adam Yeah. That's called close proximity rambling. It's inner family rambling. That's where you ramble between sisters.

1:25:11 Jack Osbourne I had a buddy of mine. His dad married this woman who was like two years older than my buddy. And my grandma was in his twenties.

1:25:23 Adam Did he ramble on her?

1:25:24 Jack Osbourne Well, she ramble on him. She did the family ramble.

1:25:28 Adam Wow. And did dad ever find out?

1:25:33 Drew Oh, good times.

1:25:34 Adam So uncomfortable.

1:25:35 Jack Osbourne And actually, I don't know what happened. He would just kind of laugh at me and my dad found out, but.

1:25:39 Drew Yeah, but it takes all kinds.

1:25:40 Adam It really does. Hey, Richard?

1:25:42 Caller Yeah.

1:25:43 Drew All right.

1:25:43 Adam You cool?

1:25:45 Caller Hold on. I actually had a question that I haven't asked yet. I was wondering about Loveline itself, if maybe Loveline ever plans to maybe release a CD about like Loveline's weirdest calls or Loveline's funniest moments. Cause I think that actually, if you were to release something like that, it might be able to sell quite a few.

1:26:03 Drew It would make perfect sense to do something like that.

1:26:05 Adam It would make sense. Here's the problem.

1:26:06 Drew We'd be interested in it, but.

1:26:08 Adam Well, here's the thing. Our self-esteem is low and we're lazy.

1:26:11 Drew No, no, no.

1:26:12 Adam Well, yeah.

1:26:12 Drew And CBS owns this and is not interested in doing it.

1:26:15 Adam Well, not now. Why, you ever checked into it?

1:26:17 Drew We, remember we even tried to write a book where we put excerpts from calls. Remember that? We were not allowed to.

1:26:22 Adam I know, but we've never checked in any Best Of or anything like that.

1:26:26 Drew I had a conversation recently with Ann about this. They don't keep tapes. It's against policy to have tapes at the show. So they can't keep tapes.

1:26:34 Adam They can't keep tapes? It's something to do with 50 cents every other week.

1:26:39 Drew No, I think it has more to do with liabilities and things like that if stuff is, if there's a record made.

1:26:45 Adam What about the time the LAPD wanted to sue me and got them out the tape lickety split? What about that time?

1:26:54 Drew That may have been where the policy changed.

1:26:57 Jack Osbourne LAPD wanted to sue you?

1:26:58 Drew Tell the story.

1:26:59 Adam Heidi Fleiss came on the show, started talking a little smack about some of the arresting officers in her case. As I'm prone to do, I got on the bandwagon and actually just said, move over, started screaming at them for Heidi. I didn't even know what the situation was. I just didn't like the idea. Here's what I don't like. And thank God I can't get sued now because I don't remember anyone's name, but here's the deal. They basically posed as Japanese businessman for six months. And here's the thing, the guys were banging the girls and doing the whole thing. Yeah, they were swinging. They were swinging with the chicks, as far as we know.

1:27:39 Drew Really?

1:27:39 Adam Well, yeah, you listen. You gotta do a little something. I don't know if they had an intercourse with that.

1:27:43 Drew I remember you talking about the lead investigator mincing around in a fistful of chiffon.

1:27:48 Adam I was speculating that he may have been gay, but here's the point. Here's what we want you cops to do. Get out there and bust the bad guys. I don't care about Heidi Fleiss throwing a party for some businessman up in her mull hole in a state. That's her business. You want to bust her for tax evasion, fine. But we don't need the task force.

1:28:06 Jack Osbourne See, she gave back. She gave back to the community.

1:28:09 Adam That's what I feel like. This is what you call consensual crime. And by the way, you guys made it illegal. God didn't. God gave man a boner and a wallet. An ATM sometimes too, although I'm not sure if God did that.

1:28:26 Jack Osbourne They were round before cops.

1:28:27 Adam Absolutely. It's probably why cops were invented. Here's my point. Well, I don't need you guys all banding together and wasting a bunch of our taxpayer money. You get out on the street and stop them gang bangers.

1:28:37 Jack Osbourne Crack dealers.

1:28:38 Adam That's right. Stop the guys from dealing the dope to the kiddies and the nuns. Yes.

1:28:43 Drew Dealing the dopes to the nuns.

1:28:44 Adam To the nuns.

1:28:45 Drew Oh. That's a common population I treat the non-populated.

1:28:48 Adam Yeah. And here's what we don't want you. We don't want you writing the chicken ass tickets for rolling through the four way stop sign or the guy who's going 67 in the 65. We don't need any of that. And as far as the guys, as far as the vice stuff goes, leave it alone. You just get busy bringing down the perps and the gang bangers.

1:29:06 Drew Good times.

1:29:07 Adam All right. So anyway, I went on a little tirade about it. Somebody was listening. They called the show, called Ann the next day and they said, listen, we're from the LAPD. We're gonna need that tape of last night's show. And Ann said, here you go. Now, we wouldn't be able to get the tape that fast, by the way. So anyway, Best Of, Drew's Lazy, I'm Lazy, and we're the only fans of the show. See, that's the point is, no one else really likes the show but us, and we're lazy. So it's a horrible combination. But yeah, it seems like somebody could make it, do a little Best Of, make a little CD, make some money.

1:29:47 Jack Osbourne I like the show.

1:29:48 Adam Thanks, you'd buy one, right?

1:29:49 Jack Osbourne Yeah, I'd buy one.

1:29:50 Drew Jack can produce for us.

1:29:51 Adam But do you want to give it to charity?

1:29:53 Jack Osbourne We can get Roxy on it too.

1:29:55 Adam How about giving the money to charity or something like that? All right, so we're not gonna have it.

1:30:00 Drew Jack produces it.

1:30:00 Adam Tiffany? Drew, why don't you do something? I've been dragging your corpse around for nine years. How about you get off your ass and do something?

1:30:09 Drew I'll do it. Yes, sir.

1:30:10 Adam All right. All right, Drew, why are we in the studio?

1:30:14 Drew Because you had a pitch to fit.

1:30:16 Adam Why do we get a security guard?

1:30:18 Drew Because you pitched to fit.

1:30:19 Adam That's right. How, okay, the only way this would ever, ever happen is if I did it. That's the only way it would ever happen.

1:30:26 Drew The record.

1:30:27 Adam That would only ever if I did it. If I did it. Only ever.

1:30:31 Drew Why don't you do it? I'll try it. We'll see what happens. Well, let's see if you're right. That's the only way you can do it.

1:30:37 Adam All right, go ahead, Tiffany.

1:30:39 My husband is really quick during sex and I'm wondering if that's normal.

1:30:45 Adam No.

1:30:46 Drew How quick is quick?

1:30:48 Well, sometimes it's two minutes, sometimes three.

1:30:51 Drew How about if he goes for another round?

1:30:54 The second time it is longer. Second time, you know, we're talking more like 10 minutes. He used to go for longer than that the first time when we were first married.

1:31:04 Adam Well, why does it matter to you which time? I mean, if he does have a second round in him, isn't that, is it all the same to you?

1:31:12 Well, the second round is usually like 45 minutes later and we work opposite schedules. I get home at about one in the morning. So, and you know, I get up with the kids at about six or seven, whenever they get up.

1:31:25 Drew He needs then to masturbate beforehand. So he timed it so that 45 minute period has gone by. And there you go.

1:31:31 Adam He needs to have his first round while he's in the dressing room, you know, before he gets out and makes it a ring.

1:31:39 Drew The green room, yeah.

1:31:39 Adam Yeah, I'm just thinking, it was all sticking with the boxy. He needs to do his first round in the training room.

1:31:46 Drew Yeah, the antidepressants will delay him a little bit, but also knock down his sex drive a bit.

1:31:51 Adam Could he pop, can you pop the, like can you use something like Zoloft is like the opposite of using Viagra? I mean, you pop it that afternoon for that evening or? You gotta have to be on, kind of be on it.

1:32:03 Drew You take it regularly, yeah.

1:32:04 Adam You gotta be on it. So if I've just had one at noon and I was gonna make whoopee, as we call it, at eight o'clock at night, it wouldn't work?

1:32:13 Drew No, I mean, it might do something, but it's not how it's designed to be used, meant to be used.

1:32:17 Jack Osbourne You know what, you know what, Tom, I'm trying to bring back? Getting weird.

1:32:21 Adam Getting weird? For sex?

1:32:23 Jack Osbourne Yeah.

1:32:24 Drew That's good.

1:32:25 Jack Osbourne Weird.

1:32:26 Caller Weird.

1:32:26 Adam Getting weird?

1:32:27 Drew Yeah, you gotta say it like that. You can't say it the other way.

1:32:29 Adam Oh, Drew, watch what you say to me. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. Jack Osbourne here tonight. We'll be right back after this.

1:32:38 Caller Here it is.

1:32:39 Caller Bottom line, it sucks being single today. Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

1:32:44 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:32:53 Caller Honey, call AIS today.

1:32:56 Caller It's almost Mother's Day, and Helzberg Diamonds knows there are men out there who are jewelry challenged. Apparently, not every shop class covered birthstones. Fortunately, there's Helzberg Diamonds' value promise. It promises expert assistance, as well as their best price, first time, every time. So quarter-carat diamond solitaire earrings are a straightforward $99. Now getting the perfect gift is as easy as spot welding, Helzberg Diamonds. Confidence comes from San Francisco.

1:33:37 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. Well, that's the show. I want to thank the guests that showed up tonight. His name, Jack Osbourne. Clean and sober, Jack Osbourne, not the perpetually effed up junkie known as Andy Richter. Yes, Drew?

1:33:54 Drew Yes, Adam.

1:33:55 Adam If he can scrape it together long enough to drag his intoxicated body in here on Sunday, we'll give him a little bit of an intervention. Yes?

1:34:04 Drew Yes, he needs it.

1:34:05 Jack Osbourne You guys need help, you know?

1:34:06 Drew Very concerned.

1:34:07 Adam We'll call you for backup. Yeah.

1:34:08 Jack Osbourne You can bring the big guns.

1:34:10 Adam Jack can be seen starting this Friday in New York Minute. Him and Drew and Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, yeah?

1:34:18 Jack Osbourne All right.

1:34:20 Adam Jack, always good to see you.

1:34:21 Jack Osbourne And you guys?

1:34:22 Adam Give our love to the family.

1:34:24 Jack Osbourne I will.

1:34:24 Adam And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Andy, Andy, you there?

1:34:30 Caller Yeah, I'm here and I'm retarded.

1:34:34 Adam What happened, buddy?

1:34:35 Caller Um, get this, I forgot.

1:34:42 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Anne Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Monday, May 3, 2004