Episode 1000611101986

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:04 Voiceover I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, and strong front runner for the Oscar this year.

1:15 Drew Oh, yeah, oh, no.

1:16 Adam That's what I hear.

1:17 Drew Yeah, well, actually, it probably is gonna be the Screen Actors Guild Awards. My peers are gonna select me.

1:21 Adam Well, yeah, but that's a stepping stone. All right, so Drew, Drew and I got together over the weekend, had a little dinner. It was Friday night.

1:30 Drew A really great dinner, by the way.

1:31 Adam Delightful.

1:31 Drew Yeah.

1:33 Adam Friday night, let me tell you something. I'll tell you the part, let me tell you the part that sucks. I paid for the dinner. Drew always offers to pay. And you know what? I'm kind of with him on this. Like, yeah, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Jimmy, Jimmy won't ever do this.

1:49 Drew Won't split.

1:50 Adam No, Jimmy won't split. Jimmy will pay.

1:52 Drew So he got you into that.

1:53 Adam He'll pay. And then after, eventually he'll get angry at you for not paying, but he'll constantly. It's considered low rent to split, to whack it up. Once everyone makes a few bucks, it's low rent. But the thing is, is like, for nine people, the meal is free. And for one guy, it costs $1,100. Like for one guy, it's a big screen TV. For everyone else, it's free. To me, it's better just have it be a clock alarm for everybody instead of a big screen TV for one guy.

2:20 Drew I totally agree, it's economies of scale.

2:23 Adam I never, I don't have, I would rather just whack it up every time, but it's considered sort of low, low rent.

2:28 Drew All right, well, but now we're starting that pendulum action.

2:31 Adam It's what you do. I went out to breakfast yesterday with my buddy, the We's, an old place, we used to go to when we were like in, and we just moved out, we live in our apartment stuff, and our waitress said, this is a diner, you know, it's, the total comes to like $14. And I said, you guys separate check, and I thought, who would do a separate, and then I thought, oh yeah, we used to do a separate, we used to do a separate check, like, yeah, we both ordered the special, but you got the small orange juice, so we get separate check, because it can be confusion, we try to cut this in half, because you got 85 cents, you know, more on your ledger. But it's considered low rent just to, just to whack it up. So I, I paid for it, because I invited Drew out. Now here's the part that's tough, it's expensive. It was like, I don't know, 200 change, or maybe 250 or something like that. But then you gotta leave the tip. And the problem is, is that I know the guy owns the restaurant.

3:25 Drew Right.

3:26 Adam And you see, if you leave, if you, if you leave a crappy tip or anything under than a great tip, it immediately, see, there's a trail. It's, it's like you stinking up a bathroom where the person, you know, the person lives in a house. And suppose you just at a campsite, just, just crapping up some anonymous stall. You see what I'm saying?

3:43 Drew We need to do, here's what we need to do. We need to go back to that restaurant again next time I pay.

3:47 Adam Yeah, that's fine. I don't mind the paying part. It's the tip. No, I know.

3:53 Drew But I will, cause it's with you and I met the guy.

3:55 Adam You don't have to. You don't have to. See, I did because I was working with this guy in this TV show and he owns this restaurant. Then immediately, you know, the waitress gonna, you know what I'm saying? All right, it's good times. So you want, Drew went to the premiere of his movie.

4:10 Drew My film with.

4:11 Adam You and the Olsen Twins.

4:13 Drew Oh yeah, with Mary-Kate and Ashley.

4:14 Adam Saturday, last night? Where at?

4:17 Drew At the surface of the sun, actually. I think that's where we had it. It's so hot.

4:22 Adam Oh, the surface.

4:23 Drew So hot.

4:23 Adam They said the surface. Surface of the sun.

4:26 Drew No, it was the Gramas Chinese.

4:27 Adam Yeah, it was, oh yeah. And I don't know, okay, Drew, because you and I have done a handful of these.

4:32 Drew Yeah, yeah.

4:34 Adam And it's everything I do is hot, by the way, that involves a camera. But I don't know, something with these red carpets where it's always, they shoot them about 4.30 or 5 o'clock at noontime in your eyes, son. And the camera's backs, the cameraman's back is to the sun, but the sun's hitting you like someone's reflecting it in your eyes, and then they're hitting you in the face with the microphone. And you're always wearing a black suit, you can feel it sort of radiating, just soaking up through the sleeves, and you're wearing the tie that's pulled up. For me, it's always just copious amounts of sweat just pouring down my forehead while I'm, it's looking like I just did a 30 foot long rail of coke before I came in there.

5:14 Drew Well, two things about that event for me. One was they wanted to have my family on the red carpet too. They wanted pictures of the family. They had the whole full house cast there. So they wanted me and Bob Saget, Bob Saget and the girl, me and the girls. Yeah, so they-

5:26 Adam Hey everybody, here's the unsuccessful cast members.

5:31 Drew And Bob, by the way, great guy. Spent a fair amount of time with them.

5:34 Adam Saget?

5:34 Drew Yeah, really.

5:35 Adam Good guy.

5:36 Drew Super nice guy.

5:37 Adam Yes, yeah.

5:38 Drew Super nice.

5:38 Adam I gotta, well. Just let me tell you something about Bob Saget. I called Bob Saget at his house once because I was trying to get him to do something with the man show. We have a relationship, me and, well, I call him Bobby. I'm not gonna call him Robert. I call him whatever, you guys don't know him as. Like if you know him as Robert De Niro, I'll call him Bob. And if you know him as Bob Saget, I'll call him Robert. No, just go, go the opposite. I called him at home and I said, hey, Bob, listen, Sam, can you hear me? He said, where'd you get my home number? I said, I just, I called up what's her name over Comedy Central, she gave it to me. No, she didn't. Yeah, sure she did. No, no, where'd you get it? He made a huge deal over where I got his home phone number and I was like, I just called up, you know, Marsha over at Comedy Central, she gave it to me. He was like, what a big deal. I had to explain to him that at this point in our careers, you shouldn't be worried about where I got your phone number.

6:33 Drew What do you say to that?

6:34 Adam Well, it was uncomfortable. The point is, he made a big deal about where I got his phone number. I told you eight times, this guy from someone at Comedy Central. So anyway, I was saying, if Saget called you at home, you wouldn't be like, hey, who would you?

6:51 Drew And then so my family out in the red car, right? And I think a little overstimulating for the kids, a little-

6:56 Adam Did they throw up? No, it would have been funny if one of them threw up.

6:59 Drew Two into it.

7:00 Adam Two into it. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Someone's gonna get eating disorder.

7:07 Drew No, not-

7:08 Adam Yeah, your wife's gonna get those kids all fired up, they're gonna get headshots.

7:12 Drew No, no. But I get it this morning, Doug is one of my sons is playing at the computer, he goes like this, he's got his hand on his cheek and he goes, and dad, I'm obsessing about the red carpet. I can't stop thinking about it. Oh, no. Really, what was so fun about it? Oh, it was just so fun and meeting everybody. Bad idea.

7:32 Adam Bad thing. Yeah.

7:33 Drew All right, so that was bad. Number, good thing, I spent a good 10 minutes with Uncle Frank.

7:38 Adam Oh, yeah.

7:39 Drew Yeah.

7:39 Adam He's good people.

7:40 Drew Yeah, Uncle Frank from the Kimmel Show and learned a ton about that guy. 500 women. 500 women, many prostitutes, currently using Viagra with great success.

7:54 Adam Yes, phenomenal.

7:56 Drew 500 women.

7:57 Adam So he said.

7:58 Drew And he went up, he insisted, and he went on to tell me a little detail about it and how it was the 60s and free love and we wouldn't know anything about that.

8:05 Adam He was a cop. Yeah. All right, so that was good. How was the movie?

8:09 Drew Good, it's good. Yeah, it's for kids. No, it's a kid film, it's a fun family film.

8:14 Adam Family film. It's good, how were you? We okay?

8:17 Drew That was all right. It's hard to watch yourself. It's hard, very difficult. I thought Andy Richter was, Andy Richter for me was sort of the standout.

8:23 Adam Andy Richter's coming in here tomorrow night, everybody.

8:25 Drew And I think Jack and I, I think about equally hit the cutting room floor.

8:29 Adam Jack Osborne.

8:30 Drew We're in there by an equal, I think we filmed about equal, and we weren't in there all that we shot, that's for sure.

8:35 Adam Yeah, yeah, that's the way it goes. Well, look, I've made like five movies and I've been in one of them yet. So at least some of you got left in.

8:46 Drew It's amazing. All right.

8:46 Adam So, how much were you in the film, do you think?

8:48 Drew How many minutes?

8:49 Adam Yeah, I know it's unfair, cause if you're in the movie for like eight minutes, it's a pretty good chunk, you know?

8:56 Drew I was in the opening scenes, set it all up. I was in one quick scene in the middle and one in the epilogue. All right.

9:02 All right, that's all.

9:04 Drew Speaking of art.

9:04 Adam Well, it's better than being in for like 12 minutes and then just getting cut out like a cancerous tumor.

9:10 Drew Oh yeah. And the girls did a really good job. I was moved by some of them.

9:15 Adam Have they acted before, those two?

9:16 Drew I think they have. I think they probably have. But anyway, I did not expect to be moved. I thought it was gonna be all sort of action and funny. But there was some cute movie, yeah it was.

9:23 Adam All right, so you did number two. And the boys, they like, did they like the girls?

9:29 Drew Yeah.

9:29 Adam They're into them?

9:31 Drew They're into the whole thing.

9:33 Adam All right, just remember Drew, you're a man of exquisite passion.

9:37 Drew I know it's coming.

9:37 Adam And your sons will inherit your passion. If they get a tenth of your passion, they'll be serial rapists. So I'm just saying, you know, look out. Faith? You're 27?

9:51 Caller Yes, I am.

9:52 Adam What's up?

9:54 Caller I'm just freakishly obsessed with a guy and I can't stop calling him. And I've talked to everybody about it and it's driving me crazy. And so that is what compelled me to call you. I met him and we were like kind of dating and then kind of just like friends, but he would spend the night at my house and snuggle me all night long and then get drunk and come over to my house and tell me he wanted to marry me. And then a week later, tell me he's not attracted to me and stop calling me and-

10:20 Drew Oh, perfect relationship. Very healthy, perfectly normal.

10:23 Adam He would tell you he's not attracted to you when he was sober.

10:27 Caller Right. I'm not that, I don't think I'm that bad looking. I don't know. I mean, but he would hang out with me when he was sober too.

10:35 Drew Faith, how you look has nothing to do with his behavior right now. Where did you meet this guy?

10:41 Caller No, I think I have bad, I'm bad at picking.

10:46 Drew How old is he?

10:47 Caller He's 33 or 34.

10:50 Drew What does he do for a living now?

10:53 Caller I don't even know what job he has right now. He's living in a halfway house.

10:58 Drew Halfway house. For what? For psychiatric problems or?

11:04 Caller Well, he's a heroin addict.

11:07 Drew And he's getting drunk. So he's in his disease and he's sucking you into his vortex.

11:12 But that's what he did.

11:14 Caller This was like six months ago. And then like, so I kept some space from him, but I just like really miss him. And I know I should stop calling him, but I can't seem to stop calling him every once in a while.

11:23 Drew Faith, you are behaving like a drug addict.

11:25 Adam By the way, when you call, I'm picturing a payphone in the hallway ringing of the flop house he's currently squatting.

11:32 Caller He has a cell phone.

11:33 Adam All right, listen, Faith, what is up, baby? What happened to your self-esteem?

11:38 Drew No, no, Faith, you're addicted to this guy. You were behaving like an addict who is early in recovery looking for a life preserver. Is that you? Yeah. Okay, that's what addicts do early in the game. Uh-huh. They look for something to distract them, something to give them arousal and excitement. Listen, your recovery is in trouble. You need to get with your sponsor, listen to what she says, get more structure in your life and get going. This is a bad, bad move on your part. And the fact that you're obsessing about it means that you are in some sort of sense of desperation and that means your recovery is falling apart.

12:12 Adam So just calling from Northridge, by the way, which had to be 113 degrees today.

12:20 Drew So brutally hot.

12:21 Adam Crazy, bizarre, crazy India hot.

12:26 Drew It's 88 outside now, my car is.

12:29 Adam I got into my car and started driving to work, it said 92, it was 936 in the evening. I got on the freeway, it said 89, I was on the 10, I'm on the west side.

12:43 Drew Weird.

12:44 Adam I'm not, for those of you who are listening, different parts, the valley, that's hot, and then the west side, that's cooler.

12:53 Drew The ocean.

12:53 Adam It's the ocean side, yeah, 10 miles from the ocean, but it's the ocean side. It's 89 degrees at almost 10 o'clock at night on the ocean side. I'm waiting for it to start raining.

13:12 Drew Meteors or something.

13:13 Adam No, I was thinking like a vermin.

13:15 Drew Oh yeah, yeah.

13:15 Adam You know, like Lenin's or something start falling. It's just weird acts of God, the sort of biblical proportions type stuff.

13:23 Drew It has an apocalyptic quality to it. The heat is so brutal.

13:27 Adam Yeah, but on top of being uncomfortable, it's disconcerting. It's weird to walk outside your house at 10 o'clock at night and have it be 90 degrees in May. It's weird. All right. I'm just driving down the street with the air conditioning blasting.

13:44 Drew Full blast and it won't get cold.

13:46 Adam It's crazy. Mike?

13:48 Yeah.

13:49 Adam You're 22?

13:50 Caller Yeah, I have a question. I like to worship my girlfriend for me while we're making out, but she doesn't like it.

13:58 Drew Worship them.

14:00 Caller Worship as in kissing her feet and sucking her toes.

14:05 Adam Okay, good because we thought you meant beating off on and you know, it's not a, well, technically it could be worship, but you know, from a textbook standpoint, not really worship.

14:18 Caller Worship as in kissing her feet, sucking in, licking in.

14:22 Drew She thinks it's weird. Which it is.

14:26 Caller It is and my question is like if Dr. Drew does know like, why do I have it?

14:32 Drew And well, there's all kinds of reasons or at least theories about how people get fetishes. And basically they are a way to focus your attention. We really don't know specifically or precisely what they are, but they serve a function. The function is basically to distract you so you can have intimacy, so you can function sexually. Way to focus your sort of, put your focus. So anxiety and unpleasant people theorize in fact that the sort of a castration fear that men have, this is a way to focus oneself on something else you don't think about.

15:07 Caller I think I was born with it. Cause you know, I do remember way back, you know, it's not like some that I just had.

15:14 Drew Yeah, it's somewhere, it starts in the first year or two of life and it's not because you're born with it.

15:19 Adam Yeah, but doesn't it seem, all right, but doesn't it seem like, hold on, doesn't it seem like there's always a certain percentage of society that's gonna be foot fetishists and-

15:30 Drew So you're saying it's just genetically in us.

15:33 Adam Well, here's what I'm saying. I don't know where it came from, but there's always been a certain percentage of society that was gay and there's always been a certain percentage of society that were killers. And there's always been a certain percentage of society that worshiped feet. And you just, you know, there's a certain percent that gets cancer and there's a certain percent that has blue eyes.

15:54 Drew But there's a certain percent that gets sexually abused, certain percent that has depression, certain percent has certain personality disorders. And some of that is genetic determinism. Yeah, and some of that is the environmental, some environmental factors that come to bear. Some of it's both. Yeah, it's something along those same kinds of lines. And again, I misspoke. It says in the first two years of life, people actually think it's around each four or five that this stuff gets wired in. And that's it. They're probably critical periods of development when if you make it through without getting traumatized, you don't get one of these things. But if the brain's getting set at a certain, sort of evolving at a certain period of development and something funky happens that makes you sort of feel uncomfortable about your sexuality power, you get one of these things.

16:32 Adam Aren't we sort of feeling with the fetishes that people need to sort of not indulge themselves because they tend to have their own momentum?

16:40 Drew Yes, they tend to take you further and further away from the actual intimacy.

16:43 Adam And we can treat it like, I mean, let's, it's not as bad, but liken it to a pedophilia.

16:51 Drew Let's think of some other just bad habit, like, you know.

16:53 Adam Well, I'm thinking of pedophilia because there's a sexual nature to it, which is you can't just label yourself a pedophile and then move forward. You have to go, look, I'm not gonna do this and I'm gonna try to stick with my wife and not bang any of my nephews for a while.

17:10 Drew And lo and behold, by actually having, building intimacy, these need for the fetishes tend to die out.

17:16 Adam Yeah, and also you do learn to control whatever it is. I mean, eventually. We'll see what you can do, especially if your girlfriend, because girlfriends are freaky about this stuff because they don't like a guy, they want a guy in charge. They don't want a guy kissing their feet. They say they do, but I think it freaks them out. I mean, it's almost like a kid when the parent says, you know, when a parent stops being a parent and starts being their friend and starts saying like, look, if you want to not go to school or try cigarettes or something, I guess that's cool. I can't tell you what to do. I think that would freak out a 12 year old. As much as he or she might say she wants it that way, it would freak them out. And I think women, they're constantly attempting to kick your ass, just like the kid is attempting to gain control over the parent. But if you just gave up, I think they'd freak out.

18:11 Drew They wouldn't like that, yeah.

18:12 Adam That's why you gotta stand up, Drew. Jack?

18:16 Caller Yeah.

18:16 Adam You're 16? You have a Germany or Florida for us?

18:21 Caller I got a Germany or Florida for ya.

18:24 Adam That's right.

18:24 All right, ready?

18:26 Adam Yeah.

18:26 Caller Things are sick and twisted from too much sun and Nazis, sex, meth and death fetishes, both of them have got these. Guaranteed not to bore ya, Germany or Florida.

18:35 Drew Hold on, Jack. Jack, Jack, Jack.

18:38 Caller What? Yeah? Hold on.

18:42 Drew Is he talking to himself or is there somebody responding to this?

18:44 Adam It's unclear. Jack?

18:46 Caller Yeah.

18:47 Adam Are you aware that you're on the radio?

18:49 Caller What? No.

18:53 Adam Is he talking?

18:55 Drew I saw there are two voices.

18:57 Adam Yeah, the one that's in his head and the one that's coming out of his mouth.

18:59 Drew Maybe three and the one that was on the other phone with him.

19:03 Adam There's also a slightly belligerent side to Jack that transcends confusion.

19:08 Drew Well, he's not listening. He's marching on.

19:12 Adam Could be bogus. Jack?

19:14 Caller Yeah. I got it, Germany or Florida.

19:17 Drew All right, go.

19:18 Caller Okay. In March, a 62 year old man was ejected from the retirement community he lived in after he punched one 86 year old resident and bit another 78 year old resident in a brawl over the apparent habit of foraging a communal salad bar for his favorite kind of lettuce.

19:38 Drew That kind of stuff happens all the time, Jack.

19:40 Adam Yeah.

19:40 Drew People in nursing homes have impaired neurologic function and they will hit and bite and do things. That's part of the, some homes specialize in caring for behavioral problems.

19:49 Adam Oh really? When a guy's 75 and he's beating up other elderly folks, don't you just take him out behind the wood shed and just put a bullet in it?

19:57 Drew No, they don't know what they're doing. That's the point.

19:59 Adam That's my point. They're not going to know what hit them. Let's just put them down. You know what I'm saying? Like an old dog that bit the mailman too many times. See what I'm saying?

20:09 Drew I see what you're saying, but it's not something to say.

20:10 Adam Thank you.

20:11 Drew Thank you. But so that could be anything. So old people in nursing homes Florida.

20:14 Adam Florida. It's Florida. Thanks buddy. Hey, listen phone screeners. A couple of the Germany or Florida's are really ones that could have, we could have started calling it Indianapolis or Riverside. Like just wherever.

20:33 Drew They're not, yeah, they're not the unique, unique stories we're used to hearing from Germany or Florida.

20:38 Adam That's right. That's what we're looking for. Although I may have stumbled onto a new game.

20:42 Drew I think there is a new game there.

20:44 Adam So old people will punch each other.

20:47 Drew In nursing homes, yeah, the aggressive behaviors are very common and because they don't know what, imagine you're in like some sort of bizarre room you've never seen before. And there are people you don't know as far as you know coming up to you and asking you things you can't understand. And they start, they just start going, just defending themselves. They start going crazy. Really? I'll do that all the time.

21:06 Adam Good, good.

21:07 Drew They're old.

21:08 Adam It's bad when you're like, you know, 19.

21:11 Drew That's bad, yeah.

21:12 Adam Yeah.

21:13 Drew Those are a problem.

21:13 Adam You hurt somebody. Max? You're 15?

21:19 Caller First off, I love the show. Drew, my girlfriend wants to do like no other.

21:26 Adam Yeah.

21:28 Caller Okay, anyway.

21:30 Drew When did she see this movie?

21:32 Adam Yeah, she's really gonna love Drew.

21:34 Caller Yeah.

21:36 Drew By the way, the film was very good. It really was very cute and very good.

21:39 Adam Not very good.

21:40 Drew No, very good. It wasn't something I would go see, but my kids loved it.

21:44 Adam They did.

21:44 Drew I mean, seriously, loved it.

21:45 Adam Oh my God. Could you imagine going, when your kid's 11?

21:49 Drew Yeah.

21:50 Adam Imagine going to a movie with your dad in it when you were 11.

21:53 Drew Be weird, wasn't it? And how about that red carpet thing? That was my mistake.

21:59 Adam What, dragging the kids down the red carpet?

22:00 Drew They wanted to do it, but allowing them to do it, bringing them down that thing.

22:09 Adam My dad got a Sears card when he was like 44, and that was too much for me to comprehend. Oh, what a loser. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. All right, go ahead, Max.

22:23 Caller So my question is, my mom, when I was born, had an outbreak of herpes, and she had to have a C-section. And me and my girlfriend are starting to get intimate, and I don't know if I could have been affected by that in any way. Like, I haven't had an outbreak or anything.

22:42 Drew No, you're fine. That's why they did the C-section, to prevent you from being exposed to it. But pray tell, how did the conversation come up where you learned this little medical factoid?

22:56 Caller Well, I don't know, like, cause we talked about it a couple of times, actually, like coming over from the doctors and like just things. I don't know how it came up.

23:10 Drew You made up a good bogus call, but it's good.

23:13 Adam No, I believe it.

23:14 Caller I believe it.

23:16 Adam Listen, I believe Max. The only part of the story is where him and his girlfriend are becoming intimate because Max, I can hear, but no, I can hear by the tone of your voice. You got a good three years to, I was going to say two and a half years before you do any wick dipping. You're a little ways off. What do you got? You're a virgin. What are you talking about?

23:41 Caller I am a virgin, but we've had oral sex, so.

23:45 Adam Really?

23:46 Caller Yeah, we have.

23:47 Adam Son of a gun. Well, let me tell you, hang on to this girl with both hands, Max, because if she slips through your fingers, it's going to be a long, long, long dry spell for you.

24:01 Drew That's not Max, a lovable guy.

24:03 Adam I like Max. I like Max. He's got a good name. All right there, Max.

24:08 Drew I still want to know how his mom happened to tell him this little bit of history.

24:14 Adam First, look at it this way. He's got Herpes' mom. So he's got a mom who's been around the block a few times.

24:20 Drew Yeah, he's 15, so she's probably about, okay.

24:23 Adam She might do a little boozing. Mom is promiscuous, probably.

24:28 Drew At one time.

24:29 Adam At one time. But mom, she's cool. Mom's free love.

24:33 Drew She's cool.

24:33 Adam Yeah. Kids need to know the truth. You don't want this to happen. Oh, I can't, you know, they get into that, you know, they always talk about, you know, talk to your kids. But I don't know. Don't talk to them. Just give them stuff and show them you like them.

24:49 Drew Well, answer their questions. Just let them know they can ask you the questions. The main thing. Yeah. That is the main thing. Just let them know you're there to ask anything they want. Yeah.

24:58 Adam I was just thinking about that. You know, it's what I'm going to miss most when Friends goes off the air. David Schwimmer and those heartfelt PSAs about talking to your kids.

25:07 Drew You need to know.

25:08 Adam Yeah. Talk to them. Really, Schwimmer? How many kids you got? By the way, do you play the father of a brood of nine on some long running sitcom? Or are you a single dorky dude on TV and have no children in real life? Could there be a candidate who knew less about children than Schwimmer? Schwimmer, you don't have your own kids and you don't even play anybody. Here's the rules. The TV, by the way, you either have to have the people in real life. You got to have a bunch of kids or you got to do whatever, or you got to play the coach or play the whoever. There's got to be the connection.

25:47 Drew Yeah.

25:47 Adam You got to be the cop if you're going to be doing the PSA about crime.

25:50 Drew Yeah.

25:51 Adam See what I'm saying? Yeah.

25:53 Drew That's the rule of TV.

25:54 Adam That's the rule of TV.

25:55 Drew Universal law.

25:56 Adam It doesn't make sense, but we all agreed on it a long time ago.

25:59 Drew I signed my agreement.

26:01 Adam I just find it exquisitely condescending when Schwimmer's telling you to talk to your kids. He's doing a little work on his laptop. Hey, what? Oh, hi. Hey. Yeah. I thought you need to know. What were you working on, Schwimmer? Children's book? Uh-huh. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back.

26:21 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

26:51 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Andy Richter coming in here tomorrow night.

27:01 Drew Andy Richter speaks Chinese in this movie.

27:03 Adam Oh, he does?

27:05 Drew He's an adopted Chinese son.

27:07 Adam He's a very talented actor, Andy Richter is. He is. No, I'm not BSing. He's a good actor. I mean, you could hear engineer Chris Grunt in the background. That means he likes him. Right? He gave one like Chewbacca up.

27:28 Drew I loved him on Conan. He was cool.

27:31 Adam All right. Shut your mic.

27:32 Drew I always heard he was a huge guy, though, because Conan was so tall, too, because I thought they were both like big tall guys.

27:39 Adam Well, see, I thought it was just the opposite, which is Conan is so tall. Conan's like 6'6. And so Richter always looked like this guy was like a, you know, fat midget next to him because Conan is so tall and thin. And everyone was surprised that Richter was 6 or whatever he was. And by the way, that's something you don't want to do. If any of you take a TV gig, don't take it next to a guy who's 6'6 and super skinny, because you could be 6'3 and have a medium build and you're going to look short and fat.

28:12 Drew Yeah.

28:13 Adam Yes.

28:13 Drew Yep.

28:14 Adam All right.

28:14 Drew Unless you can be sitting the whole time.

28:16 Adam Yes.

28:17 Drew Then you both be considered short.

28:18 Adam But Richter looked like, you know, humpty-dumpty on that show. And well, you just worked with him. He's 6'5.

28:24 Drew I mean, 5'10, 11'11 is what he is.

28:25 Adam He's a regular sized guy.

28:26 Drew He's not small. He's not small. Not small.

28:30 Adam Eating disorder?

28:31 Caller No, no, no, no, no, no.

28:33 Adam Not at all. So, by the way, driving in tonight saw something that just I don't think in terms of vigilante justice very often, but every once in a while I do think about running over a guy on a motorcycle. And I'll tell you who the guy is. It's the guy with the bought the cop bike at the police auction. Fine. All right. Buy the cop back at the police auction. Fine. But the cop helmet? At what point? What do you want to do? You want to get the badge, too? What else do you need?

29:04 Drew And they wear the black leathers.

29:06 Adam You wear the black leather jacket, the two toned black and white LAPD cop helmet, and you ride the cop bike. I knew you weren't a cop. Look, I got to get up. I have to actually sniff you to find out you're not a cop. You've been in my goddamn rearview mirror for the last 28 off ramps. Going 53? You pussies. Kill yourselves, you spineless pussies. Oh, and by the way, should they sell the helmet and the bike and the whole package?

29:38 Drew Well, here's the question. At what point is impersonating an officer that? Yeah, that's what he's doing.

29:46 Adam They're not a human being. It's not driving a car that doesn't you come up on them in their rear view and freak out?

29:51 Drew Do you actually have to say I'm an officer to impersonate an officer? Or can we just assume that you spot a cop every night on the way home?

29:58 Adam You freak out. I saw one of these a-holes on the freeway once just doing 53 and holding everyone up. Everyone was scared to move. It was at night. No one could tell he was sort of holding back about 80 feet. You could tell everyone saw him in their rear view. No one to do anything because like I'm pretty sure. And by the way, if you think it's a cop, you know, what's the way? What's why you get one of those funeral cops back there? Or even the weird school cops or whatever. There's a whole myriad of bizarre things that look close to cop cars. Yeah, you're not going to move. You're going to wait. You're going to wait and be absolutely sure it's not an actual cop. You guys, you pussies, something's wrong with you. That's a serious personality disorder. You should just kill yourself. Just please put a bullet in your head. I know you're already close to it because you're driving a cop bike that you got at the auction. You got the helmet. There's something wrong with you already. There's already a steep personality disorder. Please just finish the job and put a bullet in your mouth. As a matter of fact, go get that cop gun and put it in your mouth. Get that at the auction, would you, you pussies? Oh my God, I know they know what they're doing, Drew, and why would you go 53? I hate you, idiots. Oh, what kind of horrible demon would do this? I tell you, if I had a friend who pulled up at one of those cop bikes with that helmet, take a bat to his ass.

31:22 Drew You would run to get the bat, but you just tackle him right there, just lay him out.

31:26 Adam Oh my God.

31:27 Drew Scarlett?

31:28 Caller Hello?

31:29 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

31:31 Caller Hey. Okay, I have a problem.

31:34 Germany or Florida?

31:35 Caller I have a cold shower fetish. You guys have been talking about fetishes a lot, so I decided to call in and it's affecting my relationship with my boyfriend because he's totally disgusted by it.

31:51 Adam Well, now, what do you want him to do?

31:53 Caller Well, I mean, we've talked about it before and-

31:56 Adam No, no, no. I don't care what you talked about. What do you want him to do?

31:59 Drew What do you want to do to him or what do you want him to do to you?

32:02 Caller He could urinate on me or I could do it on him. It doesn't matter, but he-

32:07 Adam What do you mean it doesn't matter?

32:09 Drew Well, let's step one step further back. Scarlett, this is not a fetish we know much about or understand, so we're going to want to sort of thump you a little bit like a melon here. I try to understand how this works for you and what this is.

32:20 Adam Right?

32:20 Drew Wouldn't you agree?

32:22 Adam Quiet. Scarlett.

32:24 Caller Yes.

32:25 Adam Just answer my questions. If you could do anything you wanted or have anything you wanted done to you, what would it be?

32:35 Caller Well, I mean, I like to be urinated on.

32:38 Adam So that's your thing.

32:40 Drew And do you know where this came from?

32:42 Adam We could hang, by the way, Scarlett.

32:44 Caller No, I really don't know where this came from. It started when I was 14. I always had a weird fascination with urination.

32:51 Adam Uh-huh. And so when you say urinated on in the shower or you could be?

32:59 Caller No, in the shower.

33:00 Adam In the shower. Now, in the shower, because it'd be too gross or cross the line or something if you were in bed.

33:09 Caller It's just, you know, the bed, then you'd have to change the sheets and everything.

33:13 Drew Just convenience.

33:14 Adam Yeah, it's pragmatic.

33:15 Drew Right.

33:15 Adam You're pragmatic. You're bizarre, deviant, but you're pragmatic.

33:19 Drew I like that. Now, what is the feeling associated with this? What does it do for you?

33:22 Adam It's warm and it'll sting your eyes.

33:23 Drew What does it evoke? Does it evoke anything specific?

33:26 Caller Well, I get aroused when, you know.

33:29 Drew Can you, what kind of images come to mind with it? What does it make you feel or think of?

33:32 Caller It's really hard to explain. It's just something that comes naturally for me.

33:38 Adam I'd say we, Scarlett, first off, no one knows more about this than me. Cause I have been whizzed on, I'll give you a conservative number. I'll give you a conservative number. I've been whizzed on 85 times. That's conservative.

33:57 Drew Scarlett, watch this. How many times by a woman?

34:00 Adam Oh, never by a woman. At least we're all dudes. Yeah. Scarlett, whoa. Whoa.

34:09 Drew That's impressive, Adam.

34:11 Adam Yeah.

34:11 Drew Why don't you explain how that happened?

34:14 Adam Nice to get in urine fights with my buddies in high school.

34:17 Drew And you wouldn't be like in the bathroom when you'd have these fights.

34:21 Adam Sometimes we would, depending on-

34:22 Drew But generally-

34:23 Adam Between third and fourth period. We could be at a diner. We could be at a party.

34:28 Drew In the car.

34:29 Adam We could be in the car.

34:30 Drew Yeah.

34:30 Adam Yeah, wherever the whiz was- We was. Where the whiz was, we was. We had silk jackets that said that on the back in old English lettering.

34:43 Drew Wherever, wherever whiz there was.

34:46 Adam Yeah, it was good times. Yeah. So anyway, I did some whizzing myself, Scarlett. I'm not, you know, I'm not going to lie to you.

34:55 Drew Scarlett, they had a fancy name for it too back in high school, these gentlemen.

34:59 Adam It was called Bruin. Yeah, and I had buddies that could get you from up to 18 to 20 feet away.

35:09 Drew But it's not as though it was a stream that they then pointed your direction.

35:13 Adam It kind of was.

35:14 Drew No, they had, they would.

35:15 Adam Well, you get a salvo.

35:16 Drew Yeah.

35:17 Adam It was like a burst, like a machine gun. Yeah, it was tough. Here's the point.

35:22 Drew Chris is impressed. He never heard about this. He's in it.

35:25 Adam Oh yeah, Bruin.

35:26 Drew Oh boy. Never.

35:27 Adam So it was good times.

35:29 Drew My favorite is when Chris, driving a car, got you in the back seat.

35:34 Adam Well, he whizzed on me while I was driving.

35:38 Drew Oh, you were driving. And he was in the back seat or what?

35:40 Adam No, he was in the passenger seat. He started whizzing on me.

35:43 Drew Just from without moving or just while in the seated position.

35:47 Adam In the seated position.

35:48 Drew Just pow right up at you.

35:49 Adam Yeah, he could shoot it. Thank God we were driving my dad's car. Not an ounce of carpet or fabric in the car. It was all vinyl seats and vinyl floor mats, vinyl headliner, vinyl door panels.

36:02 Drew You guys were kind of a genius.

36:03 Adam No, it was good because I was holding a large root beer, which I threw on him to defend myself because he was whizzing on me. And then he took his large root beer too, which I didn't think was fair and threw it all over me. So in the course of about three quarters of a mile, we had emptied two large root beers in his bladder in the interior of my dad's car. Thank God we just hosed it out. Took a hose to it.

36:29 Drew Okay, so you really can't evoke any images or any feelings. We can't understand this anymore. It's just something that's in the midst of rousing.

36:36 Adam But did anything happen to you? Like a, I don't know, cat take a whiz on you when you're a kid or something?

36:42 I don't think so.

36:43 Caller It's just one day, when I was 14, I had this weird idea. I'm like, well, would I puke if I drank my urine and I tried it and I liked it?

36:56 Adam I rarely, hold on a second.

36:58 Drew We have two Chewbacca's from Chris.

37:00 Adam I rarely say this regarding matters of urine, but yuck. And by the way, when I say yuck and the man has been urinating on.

37:10 Drew That's a big deal.

37:11 Adam Almost a hundred times.

37:13 Drew That's a big deal. Wow.

37:16 Adam Yeah, and look, I've been bored too.

37:21 Drew Not thought about drinking my urine.

37:23 Adam No, I thought about it, but.

37:24 Drew You thought about it?

37:24 Adam No.

37:25 Drew No, I've never thought about it. No, so Scarlett, what was your upbringing like?

37:32 Caller Well, my mom's really cool, so she's really, really cool.

37:37 Drew What does that mean?

37:41 Caller Well, like she doesn't, I've told her about it, so.

37:46 Drew Yeah, that to me doesn't speak cool. If she didn't sweep you up and take you to a doctor immediately, that's not being cool.

37:52 Caller No, I think she understands that she just, I mean, it's not something she's into herself, but she can understand it.

38:01 Adam Yeah, that's mean.

38:02 Drew That's stupid, not cool.

38:03 Caller That's like, I don't have.

38:05 Drew You don't have a father? I'm just, I can't believe it.

38:09 Adam What happened to your father?

38:11 Caller He got out of the picture as soon as my mom got pregnant.

38:16 Drew All right. Have you had any other men around and have they ever done anything funky with you?

38:20 Caller Not really, no.

38:20 Drew What do you mean, not really?

38:23 Caller Well, I mean, my mom's dated, but nothing really. And no, I wasn't abused by any of her boyfriends if you're thinking that.

38:30 Adam How much of your own urine did you consume?

38:34 Caller Well, I just put a little bit in a cup. Not that much actually.

38:39 Drew Do you ever get into sucking, do you ever get into vampire stuff, anything like that?

38:43 Caller No.

38:44 Drew No, just the urine.

38:45 Caller Oh, how dare I?

38:47 Drew Madam, Madam, don't figure it out.

38:48 Adam That'd be a step up. It'd be a step in the right direction, you start sucking blood.

38:52 Caller Yeah, I only did that once though, and then I started doing it, you know, sexually.

38:57 Adam Okay, and-

39:00 Drew Try to figure this all out. Just not all, the map is not, are you getting kind of chaotic relationships with guys?

39:07 Caller Well, I mean, I'm dating someone and I really, really like him a lot, and I would hate for this to ruin our relationship.

39:15 Adam All right, why don't you try to keep it under wraps then?

39:19 Caller I know, it's just really hard.

39:23 Adam I know, but there's a lot of things that are difficult when you're 16, and this is just gonna be one of them.

39:28 Drew If it's going to destroy this relationship or break it apart, it shouldn't be that hard. If the relationship in reality, if you truly value it that much, if on the other hand you need to sabotage the relationship, well, you've got the ready-made solution right there.

39:41 Adam Yeah.

39:42 Drew PH is a little funky, but.

39:45 Adam Hmm.

39:46 Yeah.

39:47 Adam Whiz in the sink. Whiz out the window of my house too a lot.

39:52 Drew Yeah, you sort of screwed up that whole air in your backyard there.

39:55 Adam Gardner start complaining.

39:56 What do I got to do?

39:58 Adam I'm watching TV.

39:59 Drew Did he know why the plants were dying?

40:02 He figured it out.

40:05 Drew How did that conversation go?

40:06 Adam It's uncomfortable. Been drinking a glass of wine and watching a little Tevo. Take a leak out the window.

40:12 Drew No, I want to hear about the Gardner conversation.

40:14 Adam His English is bad.

40:15 Drew So he goes, Hefe?

40:18 Adam Yes. Yes. Senior brew meister. Look, we got to take a break, Drew. Enough about my urine problems. Yes?

40:29 Drew I'm not sure.

40:30 Adam Okay.

40:31 Drew Enough for now.

40:31 Adam I'm done. All right, we'll be right back after this. Loveline, thank you. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Oh, number 1-800-LV-1-1-1. Yeah. All right, Drew.

41:06 Drew Yeah.

41:06 Adam You ready to rock? Yeah. All right, sex hurts because of endometriosis. Yeah?

41:13 Drew Yeah.

41:16 Adam Stephanie? You're 20?

41:18 Caller Yeah.

41:20 Adam No, nothing wrong with her.

41:21 Caller Okay, I have endometriosis, and I just had surgery for it on the 19th of March, and sex is really, really painful. I was wondering if there was anything that I could do to make it less painful.

41:37 Drew All right, did you have a laparoscopy? What kind of surgery did you have?

41:43 Caller The lap.

41:44 Drew Laparoscope.

41:45 Caller Yeah.

41:46 Drew And was sex painful before the surgery?

41:48 Caller Yeah, I'd actually, like I just moved here like two years ago.

41:55 Drew Stay with me, stay with me. Was the sex painful before the surgery?

41:59 Caller Yes, very.

42:00 Drew Has it changed any since the surgery?

42:02 Caller No.

42:03 Drew And is the pain at deep penetration or at the time of penetration, what point is there pain? Or from the moment things start?

42:11 Caller Well, it started when I was 18 and I was diagnosed with PID twice and that didn't help it.

42:19 Drew Stephanie, at what point in an intercourse is it painful? At the point of penetration or when it's deeper inside or once it gets going, what point does it start to hurt?

42:29 Caller As soon as my husband gets like halfway in me.

42:32 Drew Okay, so that's probably not the endometriosis causing the pain, frankly. Were you sexually abused growing up?

42:39 Caller Excuse me?

42:40 Drew Did you have any sexual abuse, anything like that growing up?

42:43 Caller I can't hear you, my phone's messing up.

42:47 Adam Hmm, were you, Stephanie?

42:49 Caller Yes.

42:50 Adam Were you sexually abused?

42:52 Caller Yes.

42:53 Drew Growing up?

42:54 Caller Yes.

42:55 Drew Yeah, that's where this pain is coming from. Chronic pelvic pain of unexplained origin, particularly the quality you're describing is very common at women that have sexual abuse history. All right, she's gone now.

43:09 Adam Phone's all over the place, but Dr. Drew sees endometriosis.

43:14 Drew Endometriosis is a very discreet condition that is treatable, but that doesn't cause... What do you mean discreet? Meaning it has a specific presentation, it has a specific appearance and a specific response to treatment. It's not some vague thing that seems to always be affecting me. As soon as people start going down that path, it becomes pelvic pain with intercourse of sort of unexplained origin, of which endometriosis is part of it. Sexual abuse smells... And I could smell sexual abuse the moment she started talking.

43:46 Adam Well, no. You could smell sexual abuse, A, because I farted.

43:49 Drew No, no, no. Remember I went, uh-oh, as soon as you talked?

43:52 Adam No, I know you said, uh-oh, because you saw endometriosis, which gives you the pre-existing uh-oh. I mean, it gives you a little pre-uh-oh momentum, that's all. And, because she really, her voice, she didn't have the little girl voice. She did have sort of the different kind of, um-

44:12 Drew She had that, it makes me feel uncomfortable.

44:14 Adam No, she had the hostile, sort of calculated. It's a weird thing. I don't know how, you know, from doing the show and just hearing people over and over, that's about the only way we can figure it out. But sexual abuse presents itself in the sort of little girl stripper voice.

44:32 Drew One way.

44:32 Adam Which is when it's not treated, usually.

44:34 Drew And profound, too.

44:36 Adam And profound. And then eventually evolves into a sort of controlling, slightly calculated, a little bit angry, and never giving you what you want. You can be as concise and clear as you want. The answer will always be just a little bit. Everything is unsatisfying. Every exchange you walk away with feeling like, that's not exactly.

45:02 Drew You heard me say to her, she wasn't tracking. Remember I said that she wasn't tracking. It was not that she wasn't tracking. It was that she was giving me the wrong.

45:08 Adam Yeah.

45:08 Drew Just wouldn't answer my questions.

45:10 Adam Yeah. Well, but she was upfront about the sexual abuse. I don't know if she's there or not anymore. Stephanie? All right. So have you got any therapy for the abuse?

45:22 Drew That's good. And you may want to talk to her about this or him about this.

45:27 Caller Well, my doctor suggested that I go see one. He noticed it whenever I had my appointment with him to get a pelvic exam. He said I nearly jumped off the table. I didn't even remember that.

45:39 Drew So you're dissociating too and stuff. So that's bad. That's made serious trouble.

45:44 Adam But your husband's a decent guy?

45:46 Caller Oh, yes.

45:47 Adam Yes. All right. I had the phone dropped off.

45:51 Drew Yeah. We can't hear him.

45:52 Adam All right. Stick with the therapy. Should they do the operation for the endometriosis?

45:58 Drew The doctors obviously going on the right path. They did what they could. And then he said, okay, we've done the endometriosis thing. You're still having pain. Now you got to go see a therapist. Stop blaming the endometriosis, Stephanie. That's the point. Stop it.

46:09 Adam I'm asking, should the doctors even do the procedure?

46:12 Drew If there's endometriosis. Yeah. You see, the hard thing about people with mental health issues is you don't want to ignore the health, the physical problems, because it's hard to interpret them. They don't present them the way normal people do. But you don't want to ignore them just because they're also mental. In fact, you want to be fastidious about making sure those things aren't there so you can't miss anything. You can't blame their symptoms on that.

46:32 Adam Yes. You're 25?

46:34 Caller Mm-hmm.

46:35 Adam Your baby was given methadone and Valium?

46:39 Caller Okay.

46:41 Adam Yeah, hold on. We got to take a break. But is this true?

46:44 Caller Yeah.

46:45 Caller Well, it's because she was hospitalized.

46:48 Drew Hold on.

46:48 Adam All right. Sound like someone who needs a little methadone and Valium her own self. I like it's for that Valium myself.

46:55 Drew Yeah, no chance.

46:56 Adam Let's do that.

46:56 Drew No.

46:56 Adam We'll take a quick break. Yeah, during the break. Let's score. We'll be right back after this.

47:03 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:08 Adam One call is all you need to make.

47:09 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:10 877-889-DATE.

47:13 Caller Call the Dateline. This hour brought to you in part by Axe. Experience the Axe Effect.

47:52 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline! I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Trying to get my drawstring through my sweatpants.

48:02 Drew What are you doing there?

48:02 Adam It's gonna take a while. It's gonna take a while. It's slow going.

48:07 Drew Gotta get the hanger out and push it through.

48:09 Adam Oh, I thought you did it with a safety pin or something. But can't you inch it a little bit at a time?

48:15 Drew Yeah, I think about three weeks.

48:17 Adam And I'm gonna work on this. So forgive me, I'm gonna be distracted for the next show and a half while I attempt to get my drawstring through my sweatpants here. All right, Drew, let's go now. We're at the halfway point. Let's break it down now. Let's get a hand in. Break it down. Come on, gather around now. Grab a knee. Your helmet's not a chair, gentlemen. Brian. Oh yeah. Phone screener Brian does a little JV football coaching. He knows how to break it down. All right, let's go. Let's get started now. No, it's not a chair. The helmet is not a chair, gentlemen. They use that term loosely. Come on, ladies. That's right.

49:02 Drew I don't think people are hearing that.

49:03 Adam Oh, people are not hearing. Brian reminds me that if the helmet hits the ground, your head better be in it because it's not a chair. And by the way, that chair, not a helmet. No one ever tells you that. It's not like you're sitting around in science class and the teacher's like, hey, son, that chair.

49:24 Drew Not a helmet.

49:25 Adam It's not a helmet. No. I mean, it only stands to reason. If they're gonna tell you the helmet's not a chair. All right, let's go. Let's talk to Lynn. Yeah, what's going on?

49:38 Caller Break it down now.

49:39 Adam Let's go.

49:42 Caller So what happened?

49:44 Drew You had a young child. How old was the child?

49:46 How old was she when she was sick?

49:48 Caller 24 months now.

49:49 Drew Let's go. How old was she when she was sick? And what was the problem?

49:54 Adam Nine months, beginning of life.

49:56 Hospitalized for MRSA pneumonia, intubated. And while she was on the respirator, she was given fentanyl and Versed.

50:04 Drew She had Versed in what?

50:05 Adam She was given some drugs. She should be intubated now.

50:08 Drew Methadone and Versed? Fentanyl and Versed.

50:11 Adam Fentanyl, nine months age. As many months out as she was in. Let's go now.

50:16 Drew She should be fine. I don't know of any evidence that suggests, in fact even when babies are exposed to methadone in utero, like when they're still in the uterus or even opiates, I know of no evidence that they're at a risk of opiate addiction later on.

50:29 Okay, so my question is, is there something we're gonna have to worry about later on in life?

50:32 Drew I mean, it's a reasonable thing that people are trying to study these sorts of things because one of the things that happens from opiates and benzodiazepines like Versed is that addict's brains change in response to these drugs. They change in ways that are permanent.

50:45 Adam Incubator's not a chair, gentlemen. It's kind of a bed with a bubble on it.

50:51 Drew But I don't know of any evidence that it changes that early in life after living periods of exposure, so I think you're all right, okay?

50:58 Adam And by the way, break it down.

50:59 Drew And by the way, is someone, is you or your husband an addict or an alcoholic?

51:02 No.

51:03 Drew Okay, so you have to have the gene there anyway, so.

51:05 Well, there's genetic history, but I think we'll be.

51:10 Drew Who's got the history?

51:10 Family members have been alcoholics.

51:15 Drew Yours.

51:16 Adam Dad's a junkie. All right now.

51:18 Drew And you're not an alcoholic? If you don't have the gene, you can't pass. Yeah.

51:23 Adam All right, all right. Break it down. Get a hand in. Hey, Drew. Why would they give the kid the methadone?

51:33 Drew They didn't, fentanyl.

51:34 Adam Fentanyl.

51:35 Drew It's a synthetic opiate.

51:36 Adam What for?

51:37 Drew For the pain of being intubated.

51:39 Adam Now, is that what they put the tube down your nose?

51:41 Drew Yeah, or in your mouth.

51:42 Adam In your lung?

51:43 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

51:43 Adam Try to get the water out of there? Try to get the fluid out of your lung?

51:47 Drew No, no, breathe. That's a mechanical, you know, respirator.

51:50 Adam It's painful.

51:50 Drew It's breathing on behalf. The child can't, will be dead without a respirator. It supports their breathing.

51:55 Caller Yeah, plain God.

51:58 Drew So, As I said, puts you asleep, basically.

52:01 Adam No, this kid had pneumonia.

52:02 Drew MRSA, methicillin-resistant staph aureus. Bad times.

52:05 Adam Real doctor, just a love doctor. Good orgasm with all 75 previous partners. 75.

52:17 Drew Yes. Uncle Frank, 500 women.

52:19 Adam So he says.

52:20 Drew 500.

52:20 Adam I think it's more than 600.

52:23 Drew 600.

52:24 Adam Anne?

52:25 Yes.

52:25 Adam You're 25?

52:27 Caller Yes, I am.

52:28 Adam What's up, baby doll?

52:30 Caller Well, I'm having a problem with my current relationship. I've been with this guy for three months and I absolutely love him. I think he's the most wonderful thing in the world. And I'm having a problem. Everything is great except for our sex life. I've had more than my fair share, I should say, of sexual partners.

53:00 Adam 75, it says here.

53:04 Caller Yeah, yeah, well, they already told you that.

53:08 Drew Were you sexually addicted or compulsed or something?

53:11 Caller Yeah, I was in therapy for a while for sexual addiction.

53:17 Drew So let me just, I were to put the puzzle together here, okay? One of the things that starts to happen when people are sexually compulsed is that they, particularly women, in my experience, will have a piece of themselves sort of split off, a piece of themselves they feel sort of bad and sort of dirty. And they can only experience that part of themselves when they're with bad guys in these sort of sexual encounters, and they can function well sexually in those circumstances. But when they're with a good guy, they feel split off from that bad self and are ambivalent and can't really function sexually, can't be sexual with a good guy.

53:51 Caller Is that sort of how you're feeling? My father was just astounded that he didn't have any tattoos or piercings or anything.

54:03 Drew Right, so he's not a bad guy. The bad guy is the one you can find. You've got to withhold from a good guy. And then you'll eventually start feeling resentful because that bad self won't have a chance to emerge. So you have to find a way to integrate these things and experience the total and with this person. And it also suggests some pretty heavy trauma growing up. So if something happened to you, what happened?

54:27 Caller I mean, I kind of already knew that when I was young, my dad left and pretty much didn't know how to be a father or know or didn't want to be a father basically. But my mom married a man who had his own idea of perfection.

54:53 Drew How does that mean?

54:55 Caller Meaning sort of that my mom is very beautiful as is my sister and myself. You know, we're all a very attractive family and he was very concerned with sort of having the trophy wife and the trophy daughters. And about a year ago, he decided that he didn't, he sat my mom down and said, you know, I love you, but I don't want to be married anymore. Went out and got himself a 30 year old girlfriend. Mind you, I'm 25. My sister's 27. And and sort of has now become this executive playboy, if you will.

55:34 Drew That's not about. Yeah. That is not even perfection. That is the fact that he does not have relationships with women. They are merely objects for him to sort of act out upon.

55:44 Adam Hold on.

55:50 Drew Yes, he's narcissistic for sure. For sure he's narcissistic.

55:54 Adam I want to get the current story about stepdad running off with his secretary when she's 25. She's already been through 75 patsies at this point. We want to know something about when she was nine. All right. Well, get some therapy.

56:13 Drew She's doing that.

56:14 Adam And stick it out with this guy.

56:16 Drew And understand that that bad self needs to be integrated. You need to present the bad self to your present partner. He will accept it. He'll be fine with it. That bad part of her that feels bad and dirty, she needs to share with her new partner. He'll love it. He'll be fine with it.

56:29 Adam To the tune of Seventy Five Guys?

56:32 Drew Not the history, but that part of herself.

56:35 Adam Okay.

56:35 Drew But the history, not necessarily.

56:37 Adam Yeah. But you're just one more skin of the onion away from the Seventy Five dudes.

56:44 Drew No, no.

56:45 Adam Once we start.

56:46 Drew No, no. Just that self needs to emerge.

56:49 Adam It'll be good.

56:50 Drew It's the self that orgasms. The guy will be happy.

56:52 Adam Does the guy know about all the other guys?

56:55 Caller No. I don't think that's something that he would want to or should know.

56:59 Adam Fine.

56:59 Drew That's fine.

57:00 Adam Good. You always lie about that.

57:03 Drew But maybe a little bit of a mystery.

57:04 Caller What do I do about our current sex life, though? I mean, when we were together, he would last longer, and now he doesn't. He used to perform oral sex more often, and now he just wants to have sex, and I don't really know sort of how to...

57:19 Adam He's just sliding into his comfort zone.

57:21 Drew No, I think it's also his head spinning. He doesn't know what to think here. He's all over the place. Look, and work hard in your therapy. Think about that part of yourself that you feel is dirty and will be rejected by him, presenting that to him. Present that to him and see what happens. He'll be fine. He'll stop being so confused. So it's his problem. He's like, oral sex, something happens, I have sex, hell with it, let's just have sex. You know what I mean? He can't seem to get his groove here.

57:48 Caller Mm-hmm.

57:51 Adam We just, actually, we just talked.

57:53 Drew Six is good.

57:54 Adam Six? James?

57:57 Hello?

57:58 Adam You're 18?

57:59 Caller Yes, I am.

58:01 Adam What's up?

58:02 Caller Basically, my girlfriend and I, I have two other roommates, and whenever she and I have sex, we like them to watch, or we like somebody to watch. And we generally only have sex if there's somebody watching.

58:16 Adam Mm-hmm. And whose idea was this initially?

58:21 Caller Initially, it was my idea, because my ex and I sort of like to do it in public places where people could see, and I've kind of always wanted to do it where people did see.

58:32 Adam Yeah, well now, hold on a second. What, first off, when you say see, you mean just sitting on the sofa with their legs crossed, or do you want them sort of peeking around the corner?

58:43 Caller No, basically just sitting like on a chair or anything where we're at the display and they're watching.

58:48 Adam Are they allowed to talk?

58:51 Caller No, generally we just, I'd like them to sit there and shut up basically.

58:55 Adam Because my thing would be like, come on, get a dork in, let's go now, break it down. The face is not a chair, gentlemen.

59:04 Caller Alright.

59:07 Adam Yeah, so what's the question?

59:09 Caller Well, I was wondering why, like that's the only time we ever really have sex is when someone's watching. Otherwise, it's kind of, you know, boring or...

59:18 Adam And your girlfriend is okay with this, by the way?

59:20 Caller Oh yeah, she's really okay with it. She's actually pretty cool about it.

59:24 Drew Well, here's what it means to me. And again, this can mean a lot of different things, but more often than not, this means that you need high levels of arousal in order to feel sexual. So opiate addicts, or marijuana addicts even sometimes, when they're off their drug but not in recovery, will do this kind of thing. Physical abuse survivors will do this kind of thing, because the arousal standards get kind of burned out. They get sort of diminished by physical abuse and by drugs. And so in order to feel the arousal, you have to have to create these extra situations. This is one of those two things.

1:00:00 Adam Yeah, I don't know. To me, I had roommates who got laid every once in a while.

1:00:04 Drew Yeah, you'd be the watching one. Yeah, yeah.

1:00:07 Adam But, you know.

1:00:08 Drew Would you pee on them?

1:00:11 Adam You know, only if they didn't perform up to my level of satisfaction.

1:00:14 Drew And by the way, people who haven't been listening for an hour would wonder where that came from.

1:00:19 Adam Yeah, they would. Well, that's why you got to listen to the whole show. Yeah, I'd hear them going at it in the living room every once in a while and just come down the hall and peek my head around the corner. But I'd be uncomfortable. I think they'd ask me to sit down and just, you know, take notes. It'd be weird. You know, I don't mind the fly on the wall kind of thing. But when you just, you know, hunker down in between the two of them, they're going at it.

1:00:45 Drew Well, the hunker would be the critical problem in all this.

1:00:50 Adam Yeah. I had a roommate that got a lot of action, you know. What am I going to do? Let's one bedroom apartment, you know, 20 years old. We had the Murphy bed where it was a sofa that folded out. And by the way, let me say this to anyone who manufactures sofas that fold out into beds because I happened to purchase one a few years back and the only problem with it is the giant steel arched bar that goes through the center of it. It's not enough that it just technically folds out into bed. You have to be able to sleep on the goddamn thing. I mean, some of those fold out sofas really is like pieces of metal and stuff that are going going through going through the thing. Plus, the sofa is ways like ways, ways as much as like iron side and the battle mattress is always the size of a wafer. We like someone put a tortilla on a bear trap and told you to go to bed. But anyway, the one at my house is comical because it literally has a bowed bar that just goes down the center of the thing with the tortilla thickness mattress over the top. But anyway, yeah, what you end up doing is just pull the mattress, put on the floor and then OK. But but it took you 45 minutes to full unfold the thing. Here's what I'm saying. One of the legs on the fold out sofa that fold down those two legs sort of fold out, go down.

1:02:16 Drew Yes.

1:02:17 Adam We didn't sit right.

1:02:18 Drew It was like three inches above.

1:02:20 Adam Yeah. So this guy get a little head of steam going. And it was like somebody was taking a mop handle and banging it on the floor.

1:02:26 Drew Wake you up. Let you know it's time.

1:02:28 Adam The guy underneath us. Al. He always knew what was happening in there. He. Anyway, he. We. So, you know, you'd hear that. It's a dinner bell was ringing. Me and the wheeze head out in the hall. See what was going on. Sure. Why not? Yeah, one time old Al who lived beneath us, it was just one of these creepy weird dudes that, you know, you seem to run into when you're young. And now if you saw him, you just go to the other side of the street. But you're stuck with the weird guy with the weird dog and the windbreaker sat out there with the beer koozie and the Coors watering the lawn every day. And I had the I like the guy, by the way, who has the 50 cent Coors foam beer koozie that he's had for 22 years. I mean, you could see the guy's fingerprints carved out of the sink. You know, you could barely read what kind of beer it was. It was like 50 cent item that he ain't parting with. That's a class move. Yeah. This guy, weird dude, weird dude. Anyway, he once showed up one day at the door with a box filled of filled with dildos and butt plugs and crazy stuff. I mean, big novelty stuff with cranks on it. Big spade, butt shaped, butt plugs and big boxes, a bounty of butt plugs. And and we're like, what's up, Al? And he's like, yeah, neighbor from down the hole moved out and turned out it left all this stuff behind. So I thought you kids might. Yeah. And he's also one of these dudes, too, would always do this one. Hey, let's say you got a lot of girls, pretty young girls going up the apartment. Send one down my way. I was like that one. Send one down. Yeah. Like some super smoking hot 19 year old from Encino. Hey, Tammy. Yeah. Yeah. And our 62 year old chain smoking weirdo underneath us just wearing the pomade. Yeah. Yeah. The blue windbreaker and the mangy dog. That should go down there and F him. Yeah. I told him I'd send you down. Give him some oral, maybe. Weirdo dude. What's everyone a weirdo for? Kept the hose. He was the manager. He got to be managed, you know, so he probably had his rent cut in half, but he policed the place, you know, and he would just sit around with his skipper and his dog, his dog's skipper, and he had his prized possession was the hundred foot hose on the PVC rack that rolled up. You know, he kept that inside of his house, kept it. I want to borrow it one day to hose off the porch. You wouldn't lend it to me. I've been living above the guy for three years, like, no, I'll do it. I'll just just go ahead and I'll take it. I don't think so. Then one day Skipper died.

1:05:21 Caller His dog.

1:05:22 Adam Oh, yeah. And Al had to have a little heart to heart with me. Oh, yeah.

1:05:28 Drew About Skipper.

1:05:28 Adam About.

1:05:29 Drew Did you kill him?

1:05:30 Adam I didn't kill Skipper. I want to kill myself. Ten minutes into Al's, you know, beer fueled. You know, the guy doesn't talk to you for three years and then he's got to open up. Carried a gun. I should I should borrow that kind of kill myself.

1:05:47 Drew You should. A long time ago.

1:05:48 Adam Weirdo. Oh, my God. He was carrying tucked into his pants all the time. Yeah. So was his patrolling. He'd show it to me. It's really weird, old weird loner dudes, you know, and his son used to come over and his son like wore the windbreaker and had the same glasses like an SNL sketch. You know, like the junior version of him. Yeah. Yeah. Maureen. I'm having a flashback. Maureen.

1:06:15 Mm-hmm.

1:06:16 Adam You're 21?

1:06:17 Caller Yeah.

1:06:18 Adam What's up?

1:06:20 Caller Well, you know, in the morning I wake up, I, you know, I say hi to my husband and my kids and stuff. And all throughout the day I give him subtle hints, you know, I want to make love to him that night and then, you know, all throughout the day. And then all of a sudden at nine o'clock he's out.

1:06:39 Drew Is he getting up early in the morning? Is he getting up very early in the morning?

1:06:44 Caller I do, but he doesn't.

1:06:45 Adam What time does he get up?

1:06:49 Drew What time does he get up?

1:06:50 Caller Oh, seven, seven-thirty, sometimes eight o'clock.

1:06:52 Drew So why is he so tired at nine?

1:06:55 Caller I don't know.

1:06:56 Drew No reason. He's not getting drunk or something or?

1:06:59 Adam Hold on, hold on. Newsflash, seven, seven-thirty? That's getting up in the morning, by the way. I mean, you may not be milking the cows at sunrise, but getting up at seven, seven-thirty, I don't consider that's not really sleeping in, is it?

1:07:15 Drew No, but it's also not, you know, you still could hang out till ten, eleven o'clock at night. And if I took four naps, Maureen?

1:07:23 Adam Yeah. So what's wrong with you? You're 21, you're calling from Bakersfield. There's trouble. He's a radio DJ. How old's your husband?

1:07:34 Caller That had to be asked. 42.

1:07:36 Adam 42. He's twice your age. And how often does he want sex?

1:07:42 Caller The thing is, he never asked me.

1:07:44 Drew Well, because you're always Adam about it, but how often do you think he'd want it? Oh, well, that gives me a very clear answer what's going on.

1:07:55 Adam Maureen just sounds like albino trash. Just super white trash. Here's the thing, too, by the way, husbands and wives, one person becomes the chicken and the other becomes the chicken hawk, and that's just how it is. Don't expect the chicken to ask. The chicken just sort of on the run from the chicken hawk. It's a strange thing, but this is what happens.

1:08:19 Drew Because the one is always good to go, and the other one is stepping up beyond their comfort zone to try to meet up with the chicken hawk.

1:08:28 Adam But even that, even just sort of emotionally, psychologically, or dynamically, it's just one person becomes the person that wants sex, and the other person is the person that sort of puts them off, and then they both get into the role. And the person that wants sex probably wants sex more than they normally would have wanted sex, because they're sort of, that's their role, and the person that's sort of not wanting sex, at a certain point is turning them away, and they don't even know why. It's just like, oh, here you come again. So it's almost like they take that role, and I think certainly when the woman becomes the aggressor, this is one thing that happens, but I think it happens with women, too. So this guy's probably, plus he's 42, he's starting to slow it down a little. A man of Drew's exquisite passion couldn't understand that, but at age 42, he's whining in a little, whining it up. And Maureen sounds nutty. Maureen?

1:09:25 Caller What?

1:09:26 Drew He's not drinking at night and going to bed drunk or something like that? And why don't you go to bed with him, since you know he's going to go to bed around 9 o'clock, why don't you get the kids in bed early and plan for that?

1:09:36 Caller Because I have a lot of work to do after the kids go to bed.

1:09:40 Adam How many kids do you have?

1:09:41 Caller Two.

1:09:43 Drew Why don't you plan for him going to bed early, you plan with him, you get up extra early and do your work in the morning?

1:09:52 Adam I'd hate to have you do whatever you want.

1:09:55 Caller It sounds impossible because I have a very strange life.

1:10:00 Adam What's your life?

1:10:03 Caller I wake up at about 4.35 o'clock in the morning.

1:10:07 Drew Why?

1:10:07 Caller Because if the kids are asleep I can clean the house and get things done.

1:10:13 Drew I thought you had to get stuff done at night.

1:10:16 Caller Well, that's the thing. After the kids go to sleep, that's when I try to get my work done. But if it's not done then I have to get up early.

1:10:22 Drew Okay, why don't you not do it at night and do it in the morning?

1:10:25 Adam Listen, idiot, you just said you got up at 4.30 it's the only time you could get your stuff done and then you just went ahead and said well you got to get the kids to bed because the only time you can get anything done is at night. So which is it?

1:10:38 Caller It depends on how early they wake up. See, one is only a year old and he wakes up about well 5 o'clock.

1:10:46 Adam And how much cleaning you got to do? Because I ain't picturing more than 1400 square feet.

1:10:53 Caller It's smaller than that and we have a lot of stuff.

1:10:57 Adam Yeah, hold on a second.

1:10:58 Caller The thing is I'm very disorganized. I'm having a real hard time getting organized because every second I got to take care of the kids or something is going on.

1:11:06 Drew Right, and you also sound depressed.

1:11:08 Adam Yeah, you really sound depressed.

1:11:10 Drew So you're depressed, you're overwhelmed.

1:11:11 Caller I'm very depressed. I haven't, yeah.

1:11:13 Drew It's not about the sex. No, it's not about the sex. It's not about the sex.

1:11:19 Caller It's not about the sex.

1:11:22 Drew What?

1:11:23 Caller I now know that you guessed that.

1:11:29 Adam I don't know. Well, Maureen, how about, can you get some therapy or something?

1:11:32 Drew Get your depression treated.

1:11:33 Adam The kids don't want to be around depressed.

1:11:36 Drew Yeah, that will affect your kids. You being depressed and angry all the time.

1:11:40 Caller I can't afford therapy.

1:11:41 Drew No, not therapy. You may be a medication candidate. I mean, it's something pretty simple here.

1:11:47 Adam What's your husband do?

1:11:49 Caller Well, mostly nothing. I mean, he does little things here and there.

1:11:54 Adam I don't know what to say. Look, all you idiots, stop cranking out kids with old guys.

1:12:01 Drew Mostly nothing. Who supports the family?

1:12:04 Adam He's got to get up. But listen.

1:12:08 Drew It's like social services need to get involved here.

1:12:10 Adam But people are like, they're almost hell bent on their life not working out. All right, we got to take a break. But, OK, look, what? I don't know what to do. Then do nothing. Do nothing. All right, I'm going to yell it more.

1:12:24 Drew We'll get back.

1:12:34 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:12:35 Caller Hey, everybody, it's Adam.

1:12:37 Adam We're here to talk about an axe. You spray that on, you give stink the axe. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, man. That's Doc G over there, yeah. Andy Richter in here tonight, along with Jack Black. I mean, Jack Osborne. Just thinking about Jack Black, because I saw his latest movie review, and I thought, that guy makes like seven and a half movies a year.

1:13:10 Drew How would the latest one get reviewed?

1:13:12 Adam They didn't like it, but where he stars in them.

1:13:15 Drew I know.

1:13:15 Adam I mean, Jeremy Piven makes 13 movies a year, but he plays the evil Dean.

1:13:20 Drew Jack Black's been doing a lot.

1:13:24 Adam We met Jack back when he was just an everyday slob.

1:13:28 Drew And we treated him just like that.

1:13:31 Adam Jack Black was like what you would think Jack Black would really be like.

1:13:37 Drew He's changed a lot. When he was up here the other day, he was much more social.

1:13:41 Adam Yeah, he was much more antisocial when he wasn't a celebrity. Hadn't shaved in a couple of weeks, and was wearing like a cutoff sweatshirt at a nice restaurant. And we were like, who is this weird dude? We had dinner with him.

1:13:55 Drew Didn't speak to him.

1:13:56 Adam No. See?

1:13:59 Drew You gotta treat everybody with compassion and respect.

1:14:03 Adam Jack Black lives six houses from me.

1:14:06 Drew That's weird.

1:14:08 Adam Keep saying, I'm gonna swing by.

1:14:11 Drew Finish with Maureen, will you?

1:14:12 Adam Oh yeah, Maureen. All right, I'm gonna be fast. Maureen? All right, stop having kids, and number one, no more god damn kids. Okay, number two, forget about your husband for now. Stop focusing on sex, focus on your depression. Stop listening to that crappy country music, start listening to some classical music, start going for some walks.

1:14:30 Caller I don't listen to country music.

1:14:32 Adam What do you listen to?

1:14:34 Caller I listen to rock music.

1:14:35 Adam What kind?

1:14:38 Caller Usually alternative rock.

1:14:40 Adam All right, that's gonna screw your head up too. Now here's the thing, you're 21, so you should be listening to alternative rock. On the other hand, you got two kids, so you shouldn't be. You see what I'm saying? You're chronologically the right age for the alternative, but you've popped out the two kids. Listen to some classical music, it'll make you smarter.

1:14:57 Drew And do get the depression treated. You can't afford it, it does not make sense at all. This county facility is to go get it taken care of. It's very simple. And then mixing with these other issues may not meet me so important. You're very focused on the sex being the solution now. And certainly the intimacy is really what you're missing, and your husband's not available for that for some reason. You may be telling him with your anger and your anger.

1:15:16 Adam She's angry and depressed, and he's like, I don't want to deal with this.

1:15:20 Drew Yeah, it could be.

1:15:21 Adam Yeah, all right, let's talk to Sunny. What's happening, girl? You're 15.

1:15:29 Yeah, I just wanted to say I love you both. Adam, you're so funny, and Dr. Drew, you're brilliant.

1:15:36 Adam Thank you.

1:15:38 My question is, do cigarettes help you lose weight?

1:15:42 Drew Mm-hmm. At 15, you're contemplating smoking in order to lose weight, right?

1:15:49 Well, a year ago, I was diagnosed with anorexia.

1:15:53 Drew Yeah, that's what I would say, that if somebody was going to take up a life-shortening habit in order to control weight is an eating disorder.

1:16:03 Adam I'll tell you, I don't know if cigarette smoking per se is bad for you, but I do know that second-hand smoke is a first-rate killer, because, Drew.

1:16:14 Drew It's worse than smoking.

1:16:15 Adam It's worse than smoking, yeah, because you take in two or 300 different kinds of carcinogens every time you take in a cigarette.

1:16:21 Well, I don't smoke them now.

1:16:26 Drew I refuse to answer your question. You've got to get your eating disorder dealt with. How much do you weigh now?

1:16:31 Um, like 103.

1:16:33 Drew How tall are you? Yeah, I mean, you're underweight now, right?

1:16:39 Underweight?

1:16:40 Adam Underweight.

1:16:41 Caller Uh-uh.

1:16:42 Yeah.

1:16:43 Caller I don't think so, but...

1:16:44 Drew Yeah, I know. You have an eating disorder.

1:16:45 Adam That's the problem.

1:16:46 Drew You have a perceptual problem. You see yourself as overweight even when you're underweight.

1:16:50 Adam You can't listen to you.

1:16:51 Drew That's exactly right. You cannot listen to you. You need this eating disorder treated, but people die of eating disorder, Sonny. It's very common. Mm-hmm. I'm not gonna answer that. That's ridiculous.

1:17:05 Adam Well, and listen, here's the whole thing about cigarettes. First off, there's plenty of fat guys who smoke, by the way. Plenty of fat guys who smoke. And by the way, you'll figure out, cigarettes themselves don't make you skinny. It's just they occupy you a little bit and you tend to do less noshing and more inhaling. But eventually it'll even out. You'll just eat more. So not a good plan. But you work on that eating disorder, yes? All right, baby doll. Let me tell you, I got a theory. I got a theory about the eating disorder, Drew.

1:17:41 Drew I'm listening.

1:17:42 Adam I may have floated it before. People with big heads, more susceptible to eating disorder.

1:17:49 Drew They just look at that big heads because they're so depleted. They're all eating their bodies.

1:17:53 Adam No, no, I mean, some people, you don't have this. I have this. And a lot of people have this. Some people, they put on 10 pounds, their head gets big. They get double chin. It shows in their face. And there's some people that have sort of a naturally robust head. Lot of folks in the Latino culture will have a full head. Lot of neck. Lot of neck, lot of chin, full cheeks. Now, if you're that person and you want a nice skinny looking sort of photogenic face, you have to be abnormally skinny to keep the face looking right. If you, I'll tell you something. I think, I was thinking about this when I was watching. I've seen like Tracy Gold from Facts of Life, step by step, growing pains. Little fast with that, Chris. Little fast. Now, here's what I'm saying. She had an eating disorder. Yeah, now you feel bad masturbating to her, don't you? She had an eating disorder, okay? She had one of those sort of heads that when she put on 10 pounds and then the camera got on her, looked like a chip chipmunk. See what I'm saying? In order to keep her puss looking good for the camera, her body had to be emaciated.

1:19:08 Drew Well, let me tell you what I've noticed.

1:19:09 Adam Thank you. Let me say something else. The people who have the skinny faces, once in a while you see that dude whose head can't put on an ounce, a big fat ass on him and stuff. It's kind of weird. It's like you see the dude, it's weird when you see him at the gym because he's got that face that's like, he's got the cuts and the dimples and the lines and the clefts and stuff and he pulls his shirt off, big gut comes slopping out, stretch marks on the hips and stuff. It's like, where'd you get that head? Whose head is that? That that head should be on a washboard ab body and it's on big sloppy guy body. Well, that's the dude whose head doesn't put any weight on. That guy's free to eat by the way because all he's got to do is put a tie on and a jacket and he always looks great. Just tuck the shirt in, pull the jacket. I mean, till the point when he starts becoming obese, no one knows about the extra 20 pounds. Thank you. Go ahead.

1:19:58 Drew I have noticed that I rarely see eating disorders, although I have, but rarely see eating disorders in women particularly that have that sort of what's on the magazine shapes.

1:20:11 Adam Yes.

1:20:11 Drew You know, some women, and that shape, that bone structure or shape, that symmetry can be kind of big or kind of small, but it still is that shape. It all fits together even when it's 10 pounds up or 10 pounds, you know what I mean?

1:20:22 Adam Yes.

1:20:22 Drew The ones that I see getting eating disorders are trying to force their body into that form and it ain't ever gonna happen.

1:20:29 Adam Yeah, but it's also the, yeah, you know what I'm saying? No, yeah, Uma Thurman doesn't have an eating disorder because she's cut in that shape. And if she put on 20 pounds-

1:20:41 Drew She'd still be that shape.

1:20:42 Adam She'd be that shape 20 pounds heavier.

1:20:44 Drew It'd still look fine.

1:20:45 Adam Tracy Gold puts on 20 pounds, her head balloons up. Yeah, everything.

1:20:50 Drew But already it was kind of-

1:20:52 Adam Right, right. So it starts, it's like when they- Some people put 10 pounds on and it's like you add an eighth of an inch all the way around. Other people, it's like you take a big club of mud and stick it on the middle of their back.

1:21:05 Drew Yeah.

1:21:05 Adam And then, you know, hey, let's take a, take, well, we got 15 pounds of clay. We'll take four of it, mash it onto their face. And then we'll take the other and mash it onto their ass. And then we'll put a little upfront. Yeah, those people can't afford to put on eight pounds.

1:21:18 Drew But they also, even when they get real skinny, still aren't the shape they're looking for. And I still think that's what they're, the part of the problem.

1:21:24 Adam I say it's the cabasa.

1:21:26 Drew Part of it is that, I agree with you.

1:21:28 Adam You see the skinny, you see the guy with the skinny head or the chick with the skinny head. Never gets eating disorder. Yeah? Think about it. Drew's drawing a picture. Drawing a chick now. All right, I know what you're saying. All right, we got to take ourselves a break. The jowly thing.

1:21:46 Drew Yeah, I get the cabasa part.

1:21:47 Adam Yeah. And by the way, when you got the skinny head, no one ever says anything. I mean, unless you hit the beach.

1:21:55 Drew Well, but the women, for men, but see the women still start worrying about it.

1:21:59 Adam Yeah.

1:22:00 Caller Yeah, that's true.

1:22:01 Adam It shows a little more, a little more.

1:22:03 Drew It's a little bit different, yeah.

1:22:05 Adam Passionate man, passionate man. We'll take ourselves a little break.

1:22:09 Caller We'll be right back, Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:22:20 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Don't worry about the phone number, kitty. Tomorrow night, we have Andy Richter and Jack Osborne coming in here from New York Minute.

1:22:33 Caller Yeah.

1:22:34 Adam That's Drew's latest joint.

1:22:35 Drew That's right. That's what I'm talking about, a cinematic triumph. A lot of fun. If you're also in TwinFacts, you'll like this. I'll tell you what.

1:22:43 Adam Has it been reviewed at all yet? Drew's gonna get angry.

1:22:47 Drew Really? Oh, well, he'll get hurt.

1:22:49 Adam He'll get hurt and then protective over the girls.

1:22:51 Drew Well, I'm already protective over the girls.

1:22:53 Adam Now, it's coming out this Friday.

1:22:55 Drew Yeah.

1:22:56 Adam And what else has come? Van Helsing?

1:22:59 Drew That's really it.

1:23:00 Adam Nothing else, there's nothing out right now, really.

1:23:03 Drew I heard that a lot of the companies were sort of avoiding it because of the American National. They have such problems.

1:23:09 Adam Hmm, interesting. Well, you wouldn't want to release, well, let's put it this way. If you're releasing Van Helsing some, you know, if you're horror rated horror film, then you're not worried about it. But if you're gonna release some other, you know, teen coming of age, you know, Hilary Duff movie, I don't think you would do it.

1:23:29 Drew No way. No way, this would kill it.

1:23:32 Adam Just wait it, wait, wait a couple of weeks. Well, for them and for you, like why, you know, why can't, why split up something that you could each have? Why take the pie and cut it up when you can get a whole pie, possibly a couple of weeks later. Let's talk to Ashley, who's 21, Ashley.

1:23:52 Drew Speaking of the, Mary Kate and Ashley.

1:23:53 Adam Oh yeah, what's up, baby doll?

1:23:58 I have a question.

1:24:00 Adam You've been on hold for 116 minutes.

1:24:02 I know.

1:24:04 Adam Now here's the thing. I see your question and Drew kept wanting to get to you, but we kept talking to these chicks that were having trouble with their husbands putting out, so I didn't want to double them up, so I kept putting you off. All right, well I'm glad you can have a good attitude about it. So anyway, your husband doesn't want to have sex with you.

1:24:25 Caller No, not really. I mean, we'll have sex every once in a very, very great while.

1:24:30 Drew How often is that?

1:24:32 Caller Like, maybe once a month, sometimes longer.

1:24:35 Drew And that's because of him, not because of you.

1:24:37 Caller That's because of him.

1:24:38 Drew Is he living away from you or anything?

1:24:42 Caller Why is that?

1:24:43 Drew Does he live away from you, or is there any reason that it would be that infrequent?

1:24:47 Caller I have, I don't know. I don't know, see, a while ago, he left for about five months. He was in the military, and it took me a while to move where he was transferred. And after that, it just kind of seemed to go downhill.

1:25:05 Adam All right, and he's your age?

1:25:07 Caller Yes, we're about 21.

1:25:09 Drew Was he on any medication? Are you there?

1:25:14 Caller Yeah.

1:25:15 Drew Is he on any medication?

1:25:18 Caller I was on an antidepressant.

1:25:22 Drew Do you have baby kids?

1:25:24 Caller No, we have no children.

1:25:26 Drew All right.

1:25:26 Adam Well, look, a couple of things. First off, don't have any kids.

1:25:32 Drew Nobody have any kids.

1:25:33 Adam Nobody have any kids. No, here's the thing. Don't have any kids, A, because you're 21, B, because he's like 21 and in the military, and C, maybe this ain't a fit. I mean, I'm not saying scrap the relationship. But you guys did get married young.

1:25:48 Drew And they're hitting some skids here.

1:25:50 Adam There's no, there's, yeah, you guys are hitting, you know, you've hit a sand bunker pretty, before you left the clubhouse. I mean, normally you don't hit that thing to the 13th, 14th hole. You guys, you guys hit it. You're still in the parking lot of the club.

1:26:05 Drew Yeah, that's sort of my take too. It's like, there's nothing specific here that we can look at and go. Yeah, that needs to be fixed. Or this is a historical issue. This is on medicine or medical problems. It's, hey, this is a young marriage. And pow, there's a sign of trouble. A serious sign of trouble. And maybe a couple's counseling or something.

1:26:22 Caller See, I've tried and we were, no offense, but we were up in line for Dr. Phil's show for counseling. And he just kind of was like, no. So we decided to go for a local therapist. And then at the last minute, he backed out.

1:26:40 Adam Well, he's humiliated. And this would be humiliating to him.

1:26:45 Drew Or he's got a secret.

1:26:48 Adam Either way, he'll be humiliated. OK, so here's the thing, Ashley. You need to explain to him, look, we need to talk about this. We need to work it out. And look, if you're gay, now's the time to pipe up. If you're seeing somebody else, now's the time to pipe up. If you're depressed, if you're sexually abused, whatever it is, whatever it is, it's going to need to be addressed. Because otherwise, I'm going to be moving on.

1:27:17 Drew And it's not something that walking into a television show and someone yelling at you is going to solve. It's going to take many, many lives.

1:27:23 Adam Drew's jealous of Phil. But Phil, if anyone could do it, Phil could.

1:27:28 Caller See, he's cheated on me before we got married. And I was stupid and kind of just cheat him out and then, you know, I just kind of let it go. And I'm thinking that he's seen her again because there for a while she was calling here a lot.

1:27:48 Adam And by the way, yeah, talk about Wavos, by the way. Calling your place a lot after you busted him with this chick?

1:27:59 Caller Well, it was about, see, she didn't start calling until about a year after we moved back after that happened.

1:28:06 Adam Yeah, but.

1:28:07 Drew That's even bigger.

1:28:09 Adam And what are you doing? Are you answering the phone? How do you know it's her?

1:28:12 Caller I've answered the phone a couple times when she's called.

1:28:16 Adam And what'd she say?

1:28:17 Caller She'd ask for him and I'd tell her that, you know, of course, usually he wasn't home.

1:28:24 Drew Ashley, do not have a baby until this is sorted out.

1:28:27 Adam Please.

1:28:28 Drew Please, dear God.

1:28:30 Caller Well, I have a thyroid condition, so it'd be, we do still use protection, but it's the chances of us having children are kind of slim.

1:28:40 Drew Who told you that?

1:28:41 Caller My physician.

1:28:43 Drew That your gynecologist told you this?

1:28:45 Caller Yeah.

1:28:46 Drew Because of your thyroid problem?

1:28:48 Caller Yeah, I have a very, very underactive thyroid.

1:28:51 Drew Yeah, but you take thyroid replacement and that takes care of it. Pow, that's it. You can get pregnant just like anybody else.

1:28:58 Caller See, that's what I read that the thyroid replacement could help that, but she said that the chances were still slim, so I don't know.

1:29:06 Drew This was a physician assistant or this was a physician?

1:29:09 Caller My actual physician.

1:29:11 Drew Do you have normal periods?

1:29:13 Caller No, I don't.

1:29:15 Drew Do you have premature ovarian failure?

1:29:18 Caller Yes.

1:29:19 Adam Well, good times.

1:29:20 Drew Okay, so that's a different thing. That's not your thyroid condition, that's your multiple glands.

1:29:25 Adam I'm glad you can't have any kids, especially with this guy for now.

1:29:28 Drew Yeah, but good times.

1:29:29 Adam Have a good time. And look, this guy, doesn't mean she's a big gal.

1:29:34 Drew I don't know, I just, no, I don't think so. I don't feel that, but I just, I think she, I think he's up to something. And that's, that's...

1:29:39 Adam Well, the chick is calling in, you got popped with.

1:29:44 Drew 21, that's all you need to know.

1:29:47 Adam Listen, don't get, here's the thing everybody.

1:29:49 Drew Don't get married at 20.

1:29:51 Adam No, look, somebody needs to recalibrate this. I mean, people live till 85. They work until they're in their 70s now. They're virile and productive members of society in their 60s and 70s and 80s. Education is going on into the later 20s and early 30s. Careers are shifting and changing. It's not the society it was 30 years ago. Marriage at 21 is really, I would say, the equivalent of 16, 30, 40 years ago.

1:30:29 Drew I frankly put it about 14.

1:30:31 Adam Really?

1:30:32 Drew It's just cutting your knees off right in the middle of the race.

1:30:36 Adam I said 16.

1:30:37 Drew You said you're close. But I wanted a little more dramatic.

1:30:41 Adam Yeah, even if you got to lie. All right, let's talk to Julie who's 19.

1:30:49 Caller Hello? Hi, I have a problem that during sex, I have like after he pulls out, it's like a farting sound.

1:31:02 Drew Good time. It takes all kinds.

1:31:04 Adam It really does.

1:31:05 Caller What is it?

1:31:06 Caller Do you guys know what that is?

1:31:07 Adam Well, as you get a lot of air pushed up in there, you know?

1:31:12 Drew It's a piston action.

1:31:14 Caller I don't even hear it.

1:31:16 Drew You don't like it? You don't like it? You can try to maybe tighten your abdominal muscles during the whole act. Kind of get some counter pressure.

1:31:24 Adam You got a stuffed animal or something you can put down there? You know, baffle it a little, break it up.

1:31:30 Caller I guess.

1:31:32 Adam Yeah. Is this your boyfriend? All right.

1:31:35 Drew Try to position.

1:31:37 Adam He's cool with it though, right?

1:31:38 Drew I'm sure he's fine.

1:31:39 Caller Well, he's fine with it.

1:31:41 Drew He cracks up though, I'm sure.

1:31:44 Adam Look, I don't know why. I don't know, you know, who this happens to. I don't know if it's the guys with the mushroom shaped penises or it's the chicks that are extra moist or it's the larger scale women. I've not had a big problem with this in my day, although it's reared its ugly head from time to time. You don't see it in porn.

1:32:09 Drew Amazingly.

1:32:10 Adam Well, if you think about it, I've watched millions of hours of porn.

1:32:16 Drew They can cut that part out if they need to, you know what I'm saying?

1:32:21 Adam Yeah.

1:32:21 Drew Let me tell you about cutting things from films. I'm an expert on that now.

1:32:24 Adam Yeah.

1:32:25 Drew Everything I did.

1:32:25 Adam Drew, all on the editing room floor. Julie?

1:32:29 Caller Yeah.

1:32:30 Adam You a big gal or?

1:32:32 Caller I think I probably do get pretty wet, you know?

1:32:38 Adam Is your boyfriend got the stuffed mushroom down there?

1:32:43 Caller I guess.

1:32:46 Adam Don't think of it as an appetizer. All right. Think of it as the main course. We're going to do a quick break. We'll be right back. All right, guys.

1:32:53 Caller Here's the deal.

1:32:54 Drew Looking to hook up? Call the Dateline.

1:32:56 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:32:58 Drew Call the Dateline. One call is all you need to make.

1:33:00 Caller Call the Dateline. 1-877-889. You know what I'm saying? Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline. Well, that's it.

1:33:18 Adam That's the show. Andy Richter in here tomorrow night.

1:33:22 Caller With Jack.

1:33:22 Adam And Jack Osborne. That's a one-two punch. That is a big, what we call, a triple booking minus one.

1:33:30 Drew And you'll have three of the...

1:33:35 Adam And you'll have three of the...

1:33:37 Drew And you'll have three of the...

1:33:39 Adam And you'll have three of the... And you'll have three of the... And you'll have three of the...

1:33:55 Caller And you'll have three of the... And you'll have three of the... And you'll have three of the... And you'll have three of the... And you'll have three of the... And you'll have three of the... And you'll have three of the... And you'll have three of the...

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Sunday, May 2, 2004