Episode 1000604352560

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Hey everybody, it's Loveline.

1:05 Voiceover That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-DROUW, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Tell you, Loveline, well-oiled machine. It's like a Swiss timepiece. Here's the whole thing. Let me tell you a couple of quick things. Greg Proops is going to be in here tonight. You know him from Whose Line Is It Anyway, and many, many, many comedy specials.

1:31 Drew Somebody asked me to describe him. I couldn't describe him.

1:34 Adam Describe what he looks like physically? White guy, early 40s, could be English, but he's not. He just seems English because he's smart and he's eloquent.

1:45 Drew Yes.

1:46 Adam Did a little cranky anchor work for us and very funny. Stand up and a super high IQ guy. Anyway, here's the thing. There is a, here's what I love about that. Well, there's a couple of things. Let me just say this. K-Rock, the mother station we're at right now, has this thing out front that's an intercom thing and says, at night, press this intercom button, which really is hooked up to a garage somewhere in the Lake Placido area or something. It is not hooked up to the building. So people just sit there for days pushing on it, thinking they're going to talk to someone who never ends up coming on the intercom, and then I end up pulling up behind these people. I can get in, but of course, I can't because they're talking into an imaginary intercom. I think it's made of Styrofoam.

2:36 Drew Every night. Every night I go through this virtually.

2:38 Adam Yeah. Well, every other night. Come on.

2:41 Drew Every other night.

2:42 Adam Because you're going through it every other night.

2:43 Drew No, I do go through every night.

2:45 Adam Yeah. Now, here's the whole thing. Someone needs to take a Sharpie and rub out the part where it says at night press this because there's nobody on the other end of that intercom. I'm not even sure that it's hooked up. So poor producer Ann has to go outside and stand out like a homeless person waiting for the for the guests to come because the intercom is not hooked up to anything. It's not going to alarm anyone to go out there and open the gate. Right. So Greg Proops, our guest tonight, had called and he's going to be just a little bit late. And well, 10 or 15 minutes late. So producer Ann comes running in. Her hair's messed up. She's out of breath, pokes her head in with about 30 seconds of the show to go and goes, Did anyone call? Did the publicist call? And everyone just sort of looks at her and then she slides her head back out and goes out. And engineer Chris says, Oh, yeah, someone called about 15 minutes ago. And then we said, Well, why didn't you tell Ann? And he goes, I did. And I thought, Well, either Ann didn't hear engineer Chris or perhaps she has a tumor growing in her head. But here's the thing, engineer Chris, when, uh-oh, Ann's You never said a word to me. Why would I be standing out there?

3:56 Drew He said it when you slipped out as you ran away. I was on the phone with Anderson.

4:01 So it doesn't count as actually telling me.

4:04 Adam But what about the call you got 15 minutes ago?

4:07 Yeah.

4:08 Adam I told I told Dr. Drew, he told Drew, he told you 15 minutes ago.

4:14 Drew And I was the one yelling at you at the door when you stuck your head in here, getting the coffee and playing security guard 15 minutes ago.

4:22 Adam Why didn't you tell Ann?

4:23 Drew I didn't.

4:25 We don't have any of those problems over here.

4:28 Adam Yeah. It's all about.

4:29 I think we'd all get together and try to get a security guard like we had before.

4:34 Adam Yeah, I think we shouldn't announce we don't have a security guard on there. We should get another security guard. Yeah, because Pig Lou is just a little too trigger happy for me. I mean, he loves us, but he treats us like we're his kids. I mean, I've seen him snap some necks and break some hearts out there. Yeah, he's too big. Too big a target, this guy. Sure, he could probably take a couple of bullets, but again, too big a man. We got to get a smaller guy to miss the bullets. I agree with producer Ann. Yeah, it'd be nice to get some $4 an hour guy to stand out there and not screw things up. Yeah. All right. So anyway, Greg Proops. Proops coming on tonight and then tomorrow night, Ethan, the heartthrob from Survivor. Survivor, my favorite show. Drew will not get on board with Survivor. I'm telling you.

5:22 I do for short periods.

5:24 Adam How dare you? Let's turn the clock back.

5:29 Drew You're always right. I'm not questioning your judgment.

5:31 Adam Back to the family guy. Four or five years ago, I'm in here talking about the family guy. Everyone's giving me this lukewarm thing.

5:38 Drew By the way, you were supposed to talk with him on Saturday night and get him on the show, Seth, and get me as a voice on that cartoon.

5:45 Adam Yeah. Guess how many of those things were done Saturday night?

5:48 Drew Zero and zero.

5:49 Adam That's right. I think just zero would accomplish our goal. I went over to Seth MacFarlane's house for his party on Saturday night. It's a nice home, but not a large home. Maybe 2,800, 3,000 square feet in the fashionable Hollywood Hills. I hung out at the party drinking for about four hours, spoke to every single person, never saw Seth. Circled three times, a couple of Seth spottings. People said, I think he's in the bedroom, and then an hour later, someone said, I just walked past here, and just sort of went around the circle, wasn't looking the whole time, just figured eventually our paths will cross. Never happened. Never did see the man. Talked to every single person from The Simpsons, not talent wise, but the producer types, but no Seth McFarland. So I'll call him, though. We'll get him in here. We'll get you as the voice of the show. Maybe they'll do a character this year. It'll be a totem pole.

6:49 Drew Yeah. Are you Mr. Yanni?

6:52 Adam Yeah, the guy. Yeah, the guy bores people dead.

6:54 Drew Yeah.

6:55 Adam Yeah. That'd be a great superhero for you.

6:58 Drew I like the totem pole idea, too. That's good.

7:00 Adam Yeah.

7:00 Drew That's nice.

7:01 Adam Yeah. Mr. Personality, Mr. Totem pole.

7:03 Drew I just be the cigar story Indian.

7:05 Adam Yeah. The wooden Indian. Yeah.

7:07 Drew After all, finally.

7:08 Adam Yeah.

7:08 Drew My life's work realized.

7:09 Adam Come to life. Yeah. But Drew, I could see you as more of a Spider-Man villain like Mr. The Sandman.

7:17 Drew Yes.

7:18 Adam So it's like, here's what it is.

7:19 Drew The Iceman.

7:22 Adam No, not the Iceman.

7:23 Drew The ones that freeze you put you to sleep, that you're talking about, right?

7:26 Adam Yeah, but not the Iceman. The Iceman freezes you, does not put you to sleep. The Sandman, he puts you to sleep.

7:34 Drew The Sandman puts you to sleep.

7:34 Adam Yeah, not the Iceman. Now, see what you do, Drew. You slide in, do a little undermine, screw up the jaw. All right, Sandman. Here's how it's going to go. Spider-Man traps the Sandman, and then you just start talking about venereal disease or some very specific eye problem. And eventually it goes like this. Ha ha! I finally, I've cornered you! The Sandman, you're going in, Sandman! Do you have any last words? See, now, now Drew's, Drew.

8:09 Drew Yes.

8:10 Adam All right, Drew. All right, see? See, Drew, you see what he does to Anderson? Did you hear that? I heard nothing. Thank you. Come on. Come on, buddy. Stop being so passive aggressive.

8:23 Drew Being afraid is not being passive aggressive. Being fearful of not wanting to...

8:28 Adam What are you talking about? I just explained to you how the game goes.

8:32 Drew Don't say anything.

8:33 Adam Listen. I should just rerun that whole goddamn thing on the air.

8:39 Drew Why does it want you to do that?

8:41 Adam Do it. Rerun.

8:42 Drew That's a lot of work. Yes, sir, Miss Grohl. Speaking of the Sandman.

8:46 Adam All right. You didn't know what I wanted out of you the second time?

8:49 Wanting to just redo it.

8:51 Drew What is it?

8:52 Just do what just happened again. It was good.

8:55 Adam You want to redo it?

8:56 Yeah, Drew, you got nothing to worry about. You can do it.

8:59 Adam Do nothing, you mean?

9:00 Yeah, he's good at it.

9:00 Adam Remember what I was saying, the Sandman bores him with some talk about an eye problem or venereal disease. Got it. Anderson, please just give me that piece of tape so I can bring it in to work.

9:16 Caller I mean, I can do that at the end of the night.

9:18 Adam At the end of the night. It's just that'll just be for me. So people know what I have when I'm up against here. All right.

9:27 Caller Yeah, you know what? I'll do the extra work and you'll get it.

9:29 Drew Yeah.

9:30 Adam Thank you, buddy.

9:31 Caller All right.

9:32 Drew Hey, before we take any calls, ice man, we have to do what what do you call it when when people put into a deep sleep like when they freeze them, the deep they put them in a deep sleep and they froze them. That's what it's talked like.

9:47 Adam Hyrogenic freezing.

9:48 Drew I've talked about a deep sleep.

9:50 Adam First off, there's a Mr. Freeze already.

9:52 Drew I know. I understand that.

9:53 Adam There's nothing to a sleep.

9:54 Drew I understand that.

9:55 Adam That's that's number one. He's already superhero villain, Mr. Freeze.

9:59 Drew Right.

9:59 Adam He's portrayed in the Batman movies and has nothing to do with somnambulism. Yeah. Someone can't go to sleep or someone can't go to sleep. Thank you. Has nothing to do with that. The Sandman, however, is that guy. Yes. He's the sleep guy.

10:17 Drew Sandman is that guy for sure.

10:18 Adam So all I'm saying is why add on with a crappy add on that's sort of confusing?

10:23 Drew Bad idea.

10:24 Adam Bad idea.

10:25 Drew No problem with that.

10:26 Adam All right. Anderson, you hear that? You see what I'm up against over here? All right.

10:33 Caller Actually, I was in the room working on something for you.

10:37 Adam It's a tough night tonight.

10:39 Drew It is really tough.

10:40 Adam But then here's what you do, Drew.

10:41 Drew Yeah.

10:42 Adam Here's what I. Here's my claim against you. You do your bad add-ons, which is really. Look, I don't mind a bad idea. It's just that you're not listening and you feel like you got to stick something in at the end. You're not listening. You're not listening. You're not listening. You're not listening. You're not listening. You're not listening. All right. Greg Proops is here. Good to see you, buddy. Sit down. Put your headphones on. We're having an argument, Greg.

11:12 Greg Proops Yeah, I've been listening.

11:13 Adam I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

11:15 Greg Proops I've been listening on the way over. I think Dr. Morpheus, right?

11:19 Drew Here you go.

11:20 Greg Proops Because he was the one who invoked sleep.

11:22 Drew Sleep and dreams.

11:23 Greg Proops As I was pulling in over here, I was just about falling asleep because of the whole explanation of the superhero thing.

11:30 Adam He didn't. Thank you. See, here's what. Here's what. Put your cans on. That's what we call the headphones.

11:36 Greg Proops I'm down with the industry lingo. I went to the Columbia School of…

11:39 Adam Broadcasting?

11:40 Greg Proops Yeah. No, actually. I went to the Betty Ford School of…

11:45 Adam Greg, speaking of school, I think Greg is a highly intelligent guy. It may have no real application, but he's super smart.

11:53 Drew It translated into lots of women when he was growing up.

11:58 Greg Proops Chicks did the rain.

11:59 Adam Boon Tang.

12:00 Drew Oh, yeah.

12:02 Adam Yeah, they like a guy who's hip smart.

12:04 Greg Proops Oh, I don't want to reinforce those stereotypes. Golly.

12:09 Adam Where did you go to college?

12:11 Greg Proops I never graduated college, so my advice to the kids out there is skip it because you don't need it. I went to College of San Mateo and then I matriculated at San Francisco State for a couple of years. Wow. Three years, four. I have like four and a half years of school.

12:26 Adam Right.

12:26 Greg Proops But I never. Yeah, converted. You know what I mean?

12:29 Adam Yeah. It's like exercise.

12:31 Greg Proops I got a gig, you know, and I started booking and doing comedy and acting.

12:37 Adam You start getting stand up work when you're in your early twenties.

12:40 Greg Proops Yeah, exactly. And then I went, I hate the school part, but I like going to the clubs and telling jokes. And then I starved for, you know, I didn't have, I had jobs. I had what we would call Joe jobs.

12:53 Adam And right in the comedy world.

12:56 Greg Proops Yeah. And then then finally, after several million years, quit those and then just did comedy permanently. Well, so did you go into UCLA? Did you know?

13:05 Adam No, I didn't go anywhere.

13:07 Greg Proops Didn't you go to school down here?

13:09 Adam No, I went to high school down here.

13:11 Greg Proops Oh, that's right.

13:11 Adam Yeah. And then I got in a carpet cleaning.

13:13 Greg Proops See, well, there again, I can say no, Adam's a very intelligent person. You have your own whatever this is. And I'm not sure what it is. And you're a successful television personality, stroke producer, and you didn't graduate college. In fact, you were a common day laborer, the kind of which I don't let use my bathroom.

13:32 Drew Absolutely that kind.

13:33 Adam My stepmom didn't let me use her bathroom either.

13:36 Greg Proops Did she not?

13:37 Adam Well, she didn't have an exact policy against using the bathroom. I got locked out of the house when the streetlights came on.

13:45 Drew Locked out and then issued a decorative popcorn tin, Greg.

13:48 Greg Proops Oh, no.

13:49 Drew Yes. Standard issue, mind you.

13:51 Adam I was not issued that. That was a very considered a lavish gift by Corolla standards from my aunt and uncle for my graduation present. And all you need to know about the Corollas and what kind of shape they're in is that was considered a very acceptable, if not generous, high school graduation gift was a decorative can of popcorn. Had the cheese, the regular butter, and then the caramel corn. Yeah. And at the time, I remember thinking, wow, score, 18 years old, got myself $3 worth of popcorn, everybody, and 50 cents worth of can. This is huge. By the way, you're sending... Don't... You know what I mean? Like, don't bother. But these are the same people who used to send me a nickel for every year. I think it was a dime for every year. What did you grow up in?

14:47 Greg Proops The Depression? These gifts are terrifying. Would you get a block of ice on your birthday or something? The fruit wagon would come by and get a strawberry or something?

14:58 Adam They're really made more to humiliate than they are to reward. But let's not talk about me. Anyway, the popcorn was not initially made to defecate in.

15:09 Greg Proops You didn't have to defecate in it. No, I didn't have to.

15:12 Drew They didn't call it a can for nothing.

15:14 Greg Proops I'm just saying.

15:15 Drew I'm just saying.

15:16 Adam What are you going to do?

15:18 Greg Proops Well, hey, what nature tells you to do.

15:20 Adam That's right. That's exactly right.

15:22 Greg Proops He's locked out of there.

15:23 Adam That's exactly right.

15:25 Drew Hey, we got a promotion tonight.

15:26 Adam Well, we got a promotion. I've had enough of you. Shut off Drew's mic. That's it for him. He's done. I'm done with Drew.

15:34 Drew The reason I said that is that in order to take one call this segment, we're going to need to mention that promotion.

15:40 Adam We are? Why? We have to say it before the call?

15:43 Drew Because all callers, 17 years and older, who get on the air automatically win a pair of tickets to see The Girl Next Door.

15:51 Ah ha!

15:53 Drew Starring Alicia Cuthbert.

15:55 Adam I don't know if that's how you say her name. Is that how you say her name? I think you don't do the thud. I think it's like Cuthbert.

16:03 Drew Oh really? Just touches?

16:04 Adam I don't know. I don't know if the H is silent.

16:07 Greg Proops Is she the Canadian girl or is that Erika, the one I was on, 21 or whatever?

16:11 Adam I don't know. She's got a nice size clef in her chin and some blonde hair and she's hot.

16:16 Greg Proops Oh she's got loads of cookie. There's no question. And the plot of the movie is she was a porn star but she's moved next door and now you get to date her and so hey, what could happen?

16:23 Adam Yeah. I saw the movie.

16:25 Greg Proops Oh did you?

16:26 Adam Yes. Excellent.

16:27 Greg Proops Okay.

16:29 Drew So if you're living in LA email us, Mantinal, right now. girlnextstorticketsatearthlink.net Can we speak French? At Earth, si vous voudriez. And get your passes for the Arclight in Hollywood. The Girl Next Door opens on April 9th.

16:45 Adam Do you have to live in LA or could you just fly out here if you want? Hmm? Anne's got something going on. What did you do?

16:52 Drew I don't know.

16:53 Adam You don't have to live out here, do you?

16:55 Drew Well if you want to make your way out to LA.

16:57 Fly out.

17:00 Adam Are we going to be at this thing?

17:02 Drew No.

17:02 Adam No we're not. Well I probably shouldn't have said anything.

17:06 Greg Proops By the way, there's tickets worth a lot because if you've been to the Arclight, you know tickets are like 14 clams there. This is no $6.50 matinee theater. This is expensive.

17:15 Adam Let me tell you, let me tell you what.

17:17 Greg Proops Do they have popcorn tins there?

17:19 Adam That's my theater. Oh man. I could fill one. Barry Lyndon I think. I'd take a long movie like Barry Lyndon. I'd probably fill one of those. We did Mexican and then saw Barry Lyndon and I maybe had like a Mountain Dew or something really good. I think I could top one off.

17:36 Drew Let's go to this thing. Well, you want to go?

17:40 Adam I'll swing by.

17:41 Greg Proops How did you see it already? It hasn't come out yet.

17:43 Adam They gave me the Show Me Premiere.

17:45 Greg Proops Were you there at the Red Carpet premiere with Alicia Cuthbert?

17:48 Adam Oh no, I shouldn't call it that. It was a screen. A private screening.

17:52 Greg Proops So like you were there with the critics, the unhappy white guys.

17:55 Adam No, I was just alone.

17:56 Greg Proops Oh, yeah, you saw it by yourself.

17:59 Adam Yeah.

17:59 Greg Proops What would you get under like the studio's office or something? Oh, OK, I've done that. Yeah.

18:06 Adam It was a very provocative movie. I reached for myself on more than one occasion. All right. And yeah, this did you achieve this?

18:15 Greg Proops That's funny. That's what I was like during the passion. I just couldn't leave it alone.

18:18 Adam You know what I mean?

18:20 Greg Proops Little Caesar had to get to render under him. What was his?

18:24 Adam Did you have to? Did you see that movie?

18:27 Greg Proops No, I don't like NASCAR. So I wasn't into that version.

18:31 Adam My old thing is my old thing with the passion is, is I got this policy about subtitles and no nudity. Yeah, that to me is what you call lose lose. First off, no nudity. That's almost a deal breaker. And then subtitles. The only thing that's good about subtitles, a little nudity at the end of the reading rainbow. Like, OK, I have to read.

18:52 Drew Follow the bouncing ball.

18:53 Adam But eventually, I'm going to get to some boobs. This, no thanks. Maybe a little sack up on the up on the X there.

19:00 Drew The girl next door.

19:01 Adam Girl next door. Now that's got some T&A.

19:05 Greg Proops See, I don't want to see Jesus get his lunch headed to him for three hours. I like the other Jesus, the philosopher Jesus. I don't want Jesus to be Rodney King. I don't want him to be reduced to can't we all get along and Centurions are just kicking on him.

19:17 Adam Yeah, I don't. I'm not into that either. It's like the whole the brutal violence. And by the way, I'd rather see a guy get taken a chainsaw to him by the undead than some depiction of an actual event. It becomes too cruel for me. Maya?

19:35 Yes.

19:36 Adam You're 20?

19:37 Caller I'm 22.

19:38 Adam You're 22. What's up?

19:40 Caller I'm in a relationship. Well, actually, I'll be 23, but I'm in a relationship with someone who is 10 years my senior. And we've been dating, living together for about a year, but we've been dating for three. And the first year and a half, we had great sex. But now, you know, the latter time, I'm feeling kind of jaded. I've been having these feelings of, I want to experiment.

20:15 Drew You need to end this relationship, basically. You're done with this guy.

20:19 Adam You want to experiment with a chick?

20:21 Caller Yes, but I want him to be a part of it.

20:23 Drew No, listen, you want this relationship to end. You just don't know how to do it. This is a good way to put a nail in the coffin.

20:29 Caller Oh, no, you didn't.

20:31 Greg Proops Oh, yes, you did.

20:33 Drew You will explode with all sorts of feelings if you get involved in this kind of a situation. And that will then be the end of the relationship.

20:40 Adam You want him to be a part of it so you don't feel like a dyke, right?

20:43 Caller No, no, it's not that. It's just that we used to have, I mean, we're in the exhibitionism and we do it in public. It's more like the thrill of it, you know, not so much that I want to get involved.

20:59 Greg Proops Did I see you outside of Cuban Versailles a couple of weeks ago? Because I hosed them down.

21:09 Caller We'll have sex like in the car, off the side of the road, on the highway, you know, just like fun stuff. And now he's not, you know, fun. You know, he's not doing, I mean, he's doing love making.

21:22 Adam Yeah, look, he never wanted to do that crap in the first place. It's just one of those things where you go along with stuff and you pretend you like everything when you're in the honeymoon phase so you don't piss the other person off, but eventually settle in your own rhythm. And 30 year old guys who have condominiums don't want to go out and do it on a little field.

21:39 Drew Absolutely.

21:41 Adam I mean, you got to look. Here's the thing. As a guy, you work hard to have a place to hump. That's what it's all about. That's why we get jobs. That's why Drew went to college. You want a humping roof over your humping head. That's all it is. And so the idea of banging away in your friend's parents' pool house is just not that attractive at once you have your own hump spot. Your hump dent. Your hump dug out.

22:06 Caller Well, I was just wondering if we could bring a partner. I mean, he said no, but I think...

22:11 Drew I'm just saying, Maya, this will be the end of your relationship. Mark my words.

22:16 Adam Don't get pregnant, all right?

22:20 Caller don't men usually want to have threesomes?

22:23 Drew They do, except when they...

22:24 Adam He may be into you. Right. And that's why you got to get this third person involved.

22:29 Drew That's right. Here's the equation. Here's the arithmetic here. He actually really cares about you. Thereby bringing another person in, he has an instinct, will threaten the relationship, and he's not really interested in anybody else. He's interested in you.

22:42 Adam Right.

22:43 Drew You, because he's so into you, feel bored, constrained, unhappy, uncomfortable, because you can't tolerate intimacy.

22:49 Adam You need the chaos.

22:50 Drew So you got to bring some chaos in to sabotage this thing, and man, you will. You bring that other person in, and this whole thing will erupt.

22:56 Adam Where's your dad? Did he split early?

22:59 Caller No. Well, my mother and my father kind of like co-raised me. It's like, it's weird. They were divorced, but I always had him in my life, and he's always been in my life.

23:10 Adam Do you feel like you have a little trouble with intimacy?

23:13 Caller No, I love being intimate.

23:16 Drew That doesn't matter. She doesn't know what that means.

23:19 Adam All right. Just don't get pregnant. Do whatever you want. She's 20. Maybe he's 30 and he's ready to sort of focus in on a relationship.

23:27 Greg Proops Are we just using intimacy with exhibitionist sex here?

23:30 Drew Yes, we absolutely are.

23:31 Greg Proops Because intimacy to me means you actually love someone?

23:35 Drew You actually connect with somebody. Yeah, her thing is, oh, I love being physical. Intimacy is great. No, no, no, that's not what we're saying. It's the actual connected relationship that you can't tolerate. The closeness, the proximity of another person. Not physical proximity, but emotional proximity.

23:49 Adam I don't know how many women at age, you know, we always talk about guys and what kind of, you know, how they want to date around and play the field in their early 20s. I don't know how many women at age 20 are really ready to settle in. Of course.

24:01 Drew Oh, but most of them are still going through that bad boy thing.

24:03 Adam Yeah, that's right. That's why Greg got all the tail.

24:08 Drew Because, yeah, they were turned on by his use of vocabulary.

24:11 Greg Proops Don't make me defend myself, fellas, because it's going to get pathetic over here in a minute. I promise you that.

24:16 Adam Crazy Thunderbird character, rims on his glasses.

24:19 Greg Proops I had more scooch than you had hot meals, Corolla.

24:22 Drew There's no doubt about that. Well, you had neither, actually.

24:26 Adam What do you mean, Top Ramen is not a hot meal?

24:29 Greg Proops Knowing that he ate from a grandma's tin sort of limits the... Can I ask a generalized question in regard to the Maya situation, as I like to call it? This whole idea of introducing a third partner, and I think we've all entertained the notion, if not acted on it...

24:46 Drew I beg you.

24:47 Greg Proops Isn't it good? It's a good idea on paper.

24:49 Drew Yes.

24:50 Greg Proops But then anyone who's ever been to the Trois knows that there's always someone either sitting on the side or that something happens awful afterward. Am I wrong in this regard? It's a very penthouse letters kind of thing.

25:03 Drew We occasionally get a call from a 19-year-old college student, they did something and they had fun and it was fine and they enjoyed it. But if a couple tries this, it's always a disaster.

25:14 Adam Yeah.

25:15 Greg Proops If there's no attachment to begin with, I could see it just boom, wing, wang, let's go.

25:20 Drew Exactly.

25:20 Adam But let me say this quickly because it's a chicken or the egg kind of question, which is it always does destabilize what was a stable relationship. But the question is, is the fact that one of them wanted to bring in a third person means it may have been time to end anyway. So this is almost an excuse to go out with a bang for the buck.

25:40 Drew Which is the Maya syndrome. Great situation.

25:41 Adam Yes.

25:42 Greg Proops Oh, I'm sorry. There's the whole women. Usually it's the guy, isn't it? Or am I just old fashioned? Hey, wouldn't it be great if there were two women here?

25:51 Adam Guy does the threesome because he's got a boner. Girl does it because she's ready to get out.

25:57 Drew She's ready for chaos.

25:59 Adam All things we can masturbate to. We'll be right back. Greg Proops here tonight. We'll give him a quick plug for 50 when we come back after this. Call number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Ethan Zahn is coming in here tomorrow night from Survivor, Greg Proops in here tonight. Greg, you know from all the seasons on whose line is it anyway, and you can find him out here at Largo in Los Angeles, April 5th, doing the Greg Proops chat show, and also on Killborne tomorrow night with your boy, Ethan. Oh, he's on Killborne tomorrow night.

26:55 Greg Proops It's me, Roseanne and Ethan, not in that order.

26:58 Adam Drew, socks to Mike a full 30 minutes into the show.

27:03 Caller Speaking of Drew, I got that thing, guys.

27:04 Adam Oh, you do?

27:05 Drew No.

27:05 Caller Yeah, I'm sorry, Drew, but I did the work.

27:08 Drew Yeah, you said end of the show, dude. Let me before you go to this, let me just do something. I got to clarify something about the promotion we mentioned the last time because I didn't really understand this is that for all callers 17 years and older, we were to send out tickets for them to go see the movie near them. Oh, then for anyone who wants to go see it in the Los Angeles area, you log on to Girl Next Door Tickets. One word Girl Next Door Tickets at earthling.net. And they download on your computer a pass that you print out, bring to the arc light. It doesn't say what night. Probably will say it at that website.

27:44 Adam Not a date?

27:45 Drew It'll say on that. It says it opens April 9th, but it doesn't say when the pass is at the arc light.

27:51 Adam One gets a feeling about when one should attend an arc premiere, an arc light premiere, yes.

27:57 Drew And anyway, you get as many people as you want. Just show up and you go.

28:01 Adam Well, good times.

28:02 Drew Yeah.

28:02 Adam Now, what do you have, Anderson?

28:04 Caller I got the whole exchange from the beginning.

28:07 Drew Dude, we're getting no calls today?

28:08 Adam I don't care. I want to hear it. Look, I'm going to sound like an idiot, too, but let's let's listen to you. See what you do, Drew. You slide in, do a little undermine, screw up the job. All right. Sandman. Here's how it's going to go. Spider-Man traps the Sandman. And then you just start talking about venereal disease or some very specific eye problem. And eventually it goes like this. Ha ha. I finally I've cornered you, the Sandman. You're going in, Sandman. Do you have any last words?

28:40 Greg Proops At the B level of this industry, or D level of this industry.

28:44 Adam C minus. C plus. Yeah. Hi, Anderson, do you have that?

28:49 Caller Oh, Jesus. It's so confusing with you guys. OK, everyone heard it except for you guys just now.

28:55 Greg Proops You mean we were talking over it?

28:56 Caller Well, no, I cut you guys off because, yeah.

28:59 Greg Proops Oh, so now I even heard the whole thing over because we were saying really funny stuff while that was playing.

29:03 Adam Yeah.

29:03 Drew But we weren't hearing it, though.

29:05 Greg Proops Yeah.

29:05 Caller I'm sure it was funny.

29:06 Greg Proops Great tech you got here.

29:07 Drew I get it, that Swiss watch function of the system here.

29:11 Adam Oh, look, we do five shows a night.

29:12 Greg Proops Don't you think you should feed the armadillos in the wheel? He looks a little peaked.

29:18 Adam All right, Anderson, what did you gather from hearing that?

29:22 Caller I'm sorry, it's very confusing and upsetting because you guys are like a mile away, but here we go. You ready to hear it?

29:28 Drew No, no, no.

29:29 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up? How about Greg? You want to hear it?

29:32 Adam Yeah, let's hear it. See what you do, Drew. You slide in.

29:36 Drew We're not hearing it.

29:37 Adam Do a little undermine. Screw up the job. Alright, Sandman.

29:40 Drew Sandman.

29:41 Adam Here's how it's going to go. Spider-Man traps the Sandman and then you just start talking about venereal disease or some very specific eye problem. And eventually it goes like this. Ha ha! I finally, I've cornered you, the Sandman! You're going in, Sandman! Do you have any last words? See, now, now Drew is, Drew.

30:06 Drew Yes.

30:08 Adam You see? You see what happens, Drew?

30:10 Drew What you don't understand and what's missing is the few, the few missing out to it. You scared the hell out of me. I stopped listening. I have no idea what you were doing at that point. I just thought I got to shut up and not.

30:19 Adam Stopped listening.

30:20 Drew Completely at that point.

30:21 Adam Stopped listening.

30:21 Drew Listened poorly before that. But when you scare somebody and tell them to shut up, they stop listening. And I have no idea. I'm not going to say anything. I got to shut up.

30:31 Greg Proops Well, I was about three blocks away when I heard that.

30:33 Drew And so I have no idea what you had said.

30:35 Adam Stopped listening or became very passive aggressive because you were dressed down.

30:39 Greg Proops Yeah, but no decision is a decision, too.

30:43 Adam That's interesting. Look at you. You two over here with the IQs.

30:52 Greg Proops Look a bubble level. Oh, he's all distracted now. All right. Oh, how dare you.

30:58 Adam Bubble level. They're all bubble levels. Heather? Thank you, Anderson. I'm going to need that to play for the kids at the office.

31:07 Drew You know what's actually kind of amazing to me is your build up to that was, could not have been clearer. I didn't hear any of it.

31:15 Adam I know.

31:15 Drew When it actually happened. I mean, it's like, that was the surprising part for me. It wasn't.

31:21 Greg Proops You were sitting there, though.

31:22 Drew Yeah, but he'd scared the hell out of me. You missed the part where he yells at me. I just thought, OK, oh, I heard it. Yeah.

31:28 Adam And and he was angry and he was rebelling.

31:31 Drew Yeah. No, I didn't even get to the point where I could do that. That would have been nice.

31:37 Adam A very silent lashing out.

31:39 Greg Proops Isn't there a Sandman character for real?

31:41 Adam I don't know. There should be.

31:42 Drew I thought there was.

31:44 Greg Proops Or is it the Metallica song? I'm confusing.

31:47 Adam It could be the Metallica song. If there is not a Sandman. And let me say this. The Sandman has gone the way the dodo.

31:52 Drew Yes.

31:53 Adam Because the Sandman, people used to know what the Sandman went. I would argue that most of our callers under 25 are not going to know who the Sandman is or what he represents.

32:04 Drew We established that last time.

32:05 Greg Proops We have Tooth Fairy, though, right? Still in Mr. Bunny. Those are still extant.

32:09 Adam Yes. Heather?

32:10 Yes.

32:11 Adam Do you know who the Sandman is?

32:12 No, I don't.

32:13 Drew Yeah, 26.

32:14 Adam Never heard of Sandman. Well, but we have exceptionally stupid callers.

32:17 Greg Proops With lots of wavy hair like Liberace.

32:23 Adam Who's the Sandman?

32:26 He brings you dreams.

32:28 Adam All right, baby doll, what's up?

32:30 Greg Proops That's funny. That's my job, too.

32:35 I just gave birth to my third child, I'm 26. My kids are three and a half, two and three months and I'm going crazy.

32:43 Drew No kidding.

32:45 Yeah, I want to know what I can do without taking like drugs.

32:52 Drew Well what's the issue?

32:53 Adam Are you stressed out?

32:56 I guess I have an anger problem right now. I snap at my three and a half year old, it doesn't seem like he's doing anything but I'm just going crazy like everything just drives me nuts.

33:08 Drew Well that irritability is a hallmark sign of depression, so maybe this is sort of post part of depression, if it is, it's a biological event. You can't wish yourself out of it or behave yourself out of it. Maybe if on the other hand you're just sort of blowing a fuse because you're so stressed from trying to deal with three kids, you've got to find ways to structure your life in such a way that you get adequate help and you get adequate time to take care of yourself. Because being like that around your kids is exceedingly destructive.

33:38 Oh yeah, I know. I can tell his whole temperament and his attitude has just changed about everything.

33:44 Drew And if you then now want to help yourself and indeed you have an evaluation to see if there's a biological component, yeah, there's ways to treat this. You understand these are the women that drown their kids in the bathtub and that kind of stuff when it gets bad enough. So I suggest you take care of this Heather and treat it very seriously.

34:01 Adam Well, those folks are usually pretty religious too. You're a religious gal, Heather?

34:06 Greg Proops No.

34:07 Adam Okay, good. You'll be fine. You'll just mentally torture your child.

34:10 Greg Proops Can I ask a question? How come you've had three in rapid succession like this? Was this a plan or a...?

34:17 No, I don't know why.

34:19 Adam I don't know why.

34:20 Not doing anything to prevent it.

34:22 Adam Well, look, you're one of these dumb people who's aware you're dumb, so how dumb can you be? Well, marginally dumb, I think is the answer to that.

34:31 Drew Dumb with insight.

34:31 Adam But, you know what? You're climbing out of the dumb mire and on to dumb dry land.

34:39 Drew But get a check. Whoever delivered the babies, please call them and talk to them about this.

34:44 I'm just afraid that all they're going to do is just prescribe me drugs.

34:46 Drew That may be what you need and it may save your kids from serious harm.

34:50 Adam That's right.

34:51 So even though I'm breastfeeding this child, is it okay to...?

34:54 Drew May not be. It may not be. It's a good question.

34:58 Adam Are you married?

34:59 Yeah.

34:59 Adam And how are you doing with your husband?

35:02 I'm probably driving him crazy, too.

35:04 Adam All right. Is he's working and everything?

35:06 Yeah, he works.

35:09 Drew You don't sound that depressed, by the way. You might want to really just focus on getting adequate help and time. Yeah. All right, baby. You sound overwhelmed.

35:17 Adam Start listening to some classical music, would you? Makes you smarter. Yeah.

35:23 Drew And your kids, too.

35:23 Adam And listen, speaking of that, by the way, and at the risk of sounding mildly racist, who decided that the white people in their late 30s and early 40s had to listen to just super boombox, beatbox, gangster rap? It's like, here's all I'm saying. I was, I did this Comedy Central special last week and I was in New York and we went to the after party and it was, you know, basically the room was 96% white with the exception of DL. Hughley, who I count as three quarters white anyway. But it was just a bunch of comedians and Comedy Central executives and it was a long show. It was like four hours and everyone put in, you know, 12 hour a day and now it's time to unwind and hoist a glass of wine. And it's just just pounding, just boom, boom, boom, boom, in the room. Guys just yelling about the MFers and shooting the cops and smacking them.

36:16 Greg Proops Was this live or recorded music?

36:19 Adam They had a DJ and it's just pounding the crap out of it. And then here's what ends up happening. I realize it's a large room and there's, you know, three, four hundred people there. But a white guy, average age, forty three. And people are wanting to sort of unwind. And and it's what it is. They got the black DJ and we want him to DJ and he's DJing, although no one's dancing. And so what ends up happening is the music is just pounding. So you have drunk people having to yell at you with food and booze on them, you know? And so it's like everybody's in your ear.

36:52 Caller That's a good show last night.

36:56 Adam And everyone's at you again. And then they're drunk. So they're sort of spitting on your neck and stuff. And then you're sitting at the table. I finally sit down. I've been working for four hours. I eat and the chick across the table says something, but it just looks like her mouth is moving. I can't hear. And I have to like lean forward and she's like spitting food at me. And I thought to myself, hey, we're a bunch of adults. Can we just just put on put on something, put on a little jazz or something. Let's just unwind while we're eating here. Can we can we actually have a goddamn conversation like I don't know if this this happens at clubs and stuff sometimes. It's not it's not a rave. I understand if you're doing a rave and everyone's acting and tripping and having a good time, knock yourself out. But you got a bunch of white people in their 40s who just want to have a little discussion over some finger food and a couple of cocktails. Why do I have to get the crap beat out with of us with the thong song? Do you know what I'm saying?

37:43 Drew Totally agree.

37:44 Adam And couldn't somebody, just one white guy with some way most just stand up and go like I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore.

37:51 Greg Proops Put on some Steely Dan right now.

37:52 Adam I want some goddamn Steely Dan.

37:54 Drew This guy really is old and uncool.

37:57 Adam Yeah, that's what it is. Okay, you're racist, you're old, you're uncool. No, I just want to have a goddamn conversation without being spat on by the drunken chick. And by the way, you're smelling everyone's breath and they have to get right up in your ear and it's like everyone's like, oh, it's like everything's just blurs, boom, boom, boom. You're just being beat over the head with it.

38:16 Greg Proops Whose executive decision was this?

38:18 Adam Everybody who throws an after party says, we need a DJ. The DJ needs to be an urban guy and he needs to play the dance music, so we have to hear the thong song.

38:32 Drew It needs to be a happening play.

38:33 Adam It's got to be happening.

38:38 Greg Proops What's wrong with some enny in a canapé?

38:40 Adam Even if we don't want it to happen, it's got to be happening.

38:43 Drew They're taking pictures.

38:44 Adam Right. It's got to feel like a scene and then what everyone's got to do is if you want to talk, you've got to go outside now and say, hey buddy, where are you going with that drink? Put it down. There's this other thing too. They can't bring your drink outside.

38:56 Greg Proops Where was this in New York?

38:58 Adam This is at Gotham Club or some big club over there. At a certain point, I realized that everyone in the room was white and over 40 and everyone was screaming and Jeff Ross was like, I'm going to go away. Spitting a pimento loaf and a Cape Cod in my ear while I got hepatitis and I just thought, what are we doing? We're adults. Can we just have a talk? How about some goddamn classical music, make all you idiots a little bit smarter. Really, put a little nice jazz on, enlighten the room a little bit. I swear to Christ that if I hear that goddamn fit, it's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes. I am so hot, I got to take my clothes. Bunch of 45 year olds with Ivy League degrees sitting around, listen, it's getting hot in here, I got to take my clothes off. Jesus Christ. Come on white people, stand up for yourselves. You like jazz? You like a little steely Dan? Admit it.

39:55 Drew It's not wrong.

39:57 Adam It's okay. You're a little bit older. You're a little bit smarter. It's all right.

40:00 Drew A little bit less cool.

40:02 Adam A little bit less cool.

40:03 Drew Yeah.

40:05 Adam When did being stupid become cool in this country?

40:08 Greg Proops Oh honey, don't even.

40:10 Adam All right, don't get Greg started.

40:11 Greg Proops Don't start.

40:12 Adam Do that, get Greg. Greg Proops here.

40:13 Greg Proops It's not stupid, it's like a passion.

40:16 Adam Yeah, I know. We used to go through it with Tara, our stupid phone screener, the three years we were here. He'd go like, hey, make some reference and she'd go like, like, I know that. And you'd go like, well, haven't you heard of the, you know, Alice from, from the Brady Bunch? Please. And it's like, you walk away feeling like, geez, I should have shut my mouth. And he realized, wait a minute, I knew the answer. She didn't. Why am I the asshole? There's something that makes you stupid about somehow knowing information makes you. I'm cool. He's Squaresville. Yeah. What's he doing? He's watching the news. Oh, man. All right.

40:52 Drew Hey, I'm taking two calls tonight. It's awesome.

40:54 Adam It's getting hot in here. I am getting so hot. I'm going to take my clothes off. Yeah. We love that crap. Oh, that song blow anus. I'm done.

41:08 Drew I don't like to do this anymore.

41:10 Adam Come on, Drew.

41:11 Caller When we come back.

41:12 Adam When we come back, Drew, bust a rhyme. Greg Proops here and I will take a break. We'll be right back.

41:20 Caller Loveline.

42:13 Adam He's going to be at Largo, which is no longer Club Largo, just Largo.

42:17 Greg Proops I'm having my own chat show there.

42:19 Adam Yeah. It's called the Greg Proops chat show. Yeah.

42:23 Greg Proops I spent ages on that, agonizing.

42:27 Adam The title.

42:27 Greg Proops Oh, yeah.

42:28 Adam Obviously. Yeah. So he's going to be there on the 5th. And you want to go see that. It's also going to be in San Francisco at Cobb's Comedy Club.

42:36 Greg Proops Thank you for that.

42:36 Adam That's April 15th through the 18th and going to be on Killborne tomorrow night. So you can catch him there. And Ethan from Survivor is going to be on Killborne tomorrow night. And then he's coming out here. That's what we hear. All right.

42:49 Greg Proops Which one?

42:50 Adam See, he would be the very attractive Jewish soccer player.

42:55 Greg Proops So he's not Susan Hawke. No, because I always she's blocked. All right.

42:59 Adam That's right.

43:00 Greg Proops OK. That's right.

43:01 Adam He's here.

43:01 Greg Proops Go. My confusion.

43:02 Adam Curly haired swarthy third year.

43:06 Greg Proops He he won the third one.

43:08 Adam Yeah, I think he won. I think he won Africa, which is a very dusty, dirty one. Made me want to shower afterward. Amy.

43:17 Yes.

43:18 Adam You're 19.

43:19 Caller Yes, I am.

43:20 Adam What's up?

43:21 Caller Well, my husband and I have been married since May of 2002. Before that, we were high school sweethearts. He became a sex addict when he was around the age of 15. I guess the question I'm having is since we've been married and we were dating in high school, he has cheated on me a couple of times. After the anger has set in and after, you know, bitching him out for a few weeks. After that, I am almost finding myself taking a pride in having other women want to be with my husband, and I don't know why.

44:00 Drew So we're primitive biological.

44:05 Adam Yeah. I think everybody has a monocle of that. Not that much, but a little bit. What do you think about the opposite, which is no one would F your partner with a pole, with a dildo duct tape to the end of it. That's actually worse if you break it down.

44:24 Greg Proops Can you do that?

44:26 Adam Yeah, actually the worst is really acting out the second one, which is I actually did a tour with the pool pool, with the dildo on the end of it.

44:34 Greg Proops Is there a length?

44:36 Adam It's telescopes, 10 to 12.

44:38 Drew Amy, what do you define as sex addict? Were you coming up with that diagnosis?

44:45 Caller Well, around the age of 15, he started calling phone sex lines. He ran up his mother's phone bill, almost $1,000 worth, so she put him in counseling. And he's had numerous, numerous amounts of sexual partners. And he's been going through counseling since the time he was 16. And now that we are married, we go together.

45:07 Adam Well, I can see why you didn't want to let this gem out of your sight.

45:11 Drew Was he sexually abused? Was he a trauma survivor? Was he sexually abused?

45:15 Caller Yes, he was as a child.

45:17 Adam Who sexually abused him?

45:19 Caller It was a neighbor.

45:21 Drew Why isn't he going into some kind of 12-step program?

45:23 Caller I have no idea.

45:25 Adam What should he go? Where should he go?

45:27 Drew SA.

45:28 Adam Really?

45:29 Drew Really, it's...

45:30 Adam Oh, well, SA for his...

45:31 Drew His sexual addiction.

45:32 Adam His sexual addiction, but what about... He needs some private therapy, not couples therapy.

45:37 Drew No, no, yeah, but he had since he was 15.

45:40 Caller Well...

45:41 Drew May not be the right focus.

45:43 Adam Yeah, maybe... Is this guy going to see a therapist alone?

45:47 Caller Yes, he does half with me and half by himself.

45:51 Adam I see, but he F'd his first five therapists, so... All right, so Amy, look, we don't have enough time to figure out what's wrong with you that you would be attracted to this guy.

46:01 Drew A simple thing, did your dad cheat?

46:03 Caller No.

46:03 Drew Okay, was he sort of an idiot, your dad?

46:07 Caller No, my dad is actually a very good guy.

46:11 Drew Not an alcoholic, your dad?

46:13 Adam Wow, does he got to be disappointed, that good guy, he does not deserve you. And I mean that in a very bad way.

46:18 Greg Proops Where does the pride come from? Is it just a simple, like, some people are attracted to my husband, so that makes me feel good?

46:24 Drew I think it's primitive, primate stuff. It's like, I've got the alpha male, this is his harem, I'm part of the harem.

46:33 Adam She's turning semen into lemonade. That's basically what's going on. Hey, Amy, don't have any kids.

46:40 Caller Well, we already have one.

46:42 Adam Well, we're very disappointed in that.

46:44 Drew Well, at least you're getting treatment. 12-step.

46:47 Adam Alright.

46:47 Caller Okay, thank you.

46:51 Adam Give the kid a family of, like, beaver and let them raise the child.

46:55 Drew She's calling from Texas, armadillo.

46:57 Caller Armadillo.

47:00 Adam They're good to their own, the armadillos. They don't like the man, but they're good to their own. Greg Proops here tonight. We're going to take a quick break. And then we'll be right back.

47:10 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

47:11 Caller Look in the hookup, call the Dateline.

47:13 Caller Stick a waist in time with the wrong person, call the Dateline. One call is all you need to make.

47:17 Caller Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

47:25 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

47:49 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Ethan is in here tomorrow night from Survivor, Greg Proops in here tonight. You remember Greg from Whose Line Is It Anyway? And also you can find him coming up on April 5th at Largo out here in Los Angeles, doing the Greg Proops, well, Greg's, it is Greg Proops, but it's not the Greg Proops, Greg Proops Chat Show. All right, Drew, now you got something to plug.

48:20 Drew That's right. Well, our show does. We are getting behind the Girl Next Door.

48:24 Adam I've seen the film. Yeah. Excellent.

48:27 Drew If you want to see it for free, you can get a pass at girlnextstorticketsatearthlink.net. Print out your ticket, bring it to the Arclight in Hollywood. I'm assuming the night and time will be on the website.

48:38 Adam Fantastic, like airplane seats.

48:40 Drew And for all other callers 17 years and older who get on the air tonight, they will automatically be sent a pair of tickets to go see the show near them.

48:47 Adam Let me tell you something about that Arclight. You pay an extra couple of dollars, but let me tell you kiddies, you're worth it.

48:53 Drew Hey, you're going for free with this.

48:55 Adam This talking about in general, maybe a nice little popcorn guy walks you right to your seat. You have some a-hole sitting, sitting where you want to sit.

49:03 Greg Proops Oh, you know, I saw Master and Commander there. And I went with my wife and a buddy and his wife. And women didn't care for that.

49:13 Drew The movie or the theater?

49:14 Greg Proops No, they love the theater because there's no screaming or yelling or any kind of activities. It's just people sit quietly and watch the bloody movie.

49:21 Adam And you know what? It's the seating is it's such a steep rake that you don't see the person's head who's in front of you.

49:28 Greg Proops No, it's awesome. And there is there's no chitchat at that theater.

49:31 Adam No, there is not.

49:32 Greg Proops It's nice. But that I just meant Master and Commander was not a not for girls. Yeah.

49:36 Adam Yeah.

49:37 Greg Proops My wife was like Russell Crowe wasn't good looking enough. Yeah, I didn't care about their relationship with the violin and whatnot. And I could see them. Well, I know I did. My buddy was watching and he had read all the books, all the Patrick O'Brien books. He was literally gurgling with joy at one point, which I rarely, rarely seen him do.

49:54 Adam That was Seaman. Oh, he'd actually made.

49:57 Greg Proops Well, there's a lot of Seaman in the movie.

49:59 Adam That's what I meant. Yeah. No, that is an excellent movie that women don't care about because A, women aren't interested in the past. They're just not. They're interested in your past.

50:09 Greg Proops I was going to say, what about the time that you parked the car in their thing and you left the thing in the thing?

50:14 Adam The time you told them that your friends were smarter than their friends. That's the kind of history they study. They're not interested in world history. They're interested in your history as it pertains to them.

50:25 Greg Proops You looked at my cousin when we were at my other cousin's wedding. And I've never forgotten.

50:31 Adam I could tell what you were thinking.

50:32 Greg Proops Right. That was 17 years ago. I'm still hacked off.

50:35 Adam That's right. They're pissed that either you want to F their friends or you don't like their friends. That's about it. And after all, isn't that the only two modes you really have with your friend, with your old lady's friends? Is that really is the ones you want to have for the ones you never want to see again? And then there's the one who sort of straddles the fence. Like, I like to effort with my eyes closed. I'd like to put one of those terrorist transport pillowcases on my head. They have no talking.

50:59 Greg Proops I'd like to camp x ray her.

51:01 Adam Right. But but they do not want to know about the history.

51:05 Drew They're like war.

51:06 Adam They don't like war.

51:07 Greg Proops They don't like it was so boring to my. I swear to God, my wife, my I really wish I'd brought like another movie with me because I could see her and my buddy's wife just sinking into the chair. And this is the arc light. So it's comfortable. You can fall asleep.

51:20 Adam Here's a great idea. You know, in the minivans and the headrest, they got the kids movies playing out there. You got the like Mike is playing so the kid, the folks can drive the Yosemite and not have to deal with the kids screaming.

51:33 Greg Proops It's like Mike. Yeah, sure.

51:36 Adam We put the chip film in the headrest. It's the male theater. While we're watching Master and Commander, they're watching some the Diane Keaton, Jack Nicholson, Hugh Grant, Joy, or something right under a Tuscan sun in the headrest of the seat in front of you.

51:57 Greg Proops They're watching a Nora Ephron film festival.

52:00 Adam That's right. And the six by six plasma screen that's tucked into the headrest. This is ultimately where we're going. No more arguments about the chick flick versus the three hour at sea.

52:12 Greg Proops I like some chick flicks. I sit through them.

52:14 Adam Yeah.

52:15 Greg Proops But man, I wished I hadn't brought her to Master and Commander.

52:17 Adam Well, when we get the when we get the Norephron thing going in the headrest, that's going to take care of itself. They put the they discreetly put their little headphones on. And that's it.

52:28 Greg Proops I like how their little headphones because their heads are so small. Right. I was shorties.

52:34 Adam It's confusing.

52:34 Greg Proops We learn this from hip hop. They are shorties.

52:36 Adam Russell Crowe gets stabbed with a bayonet. And you see your your gal lets a chuckle out. Right. Because something delightful happened in the North.

52:46 Greg Proops Because Diane Lane, something good happened to her.

52:48 Adam Diane Lane made a funny with the paint. Yes. There you go. Now we're done. Right. I better idea. We erect an island where they can all just go. Yes. All right. Let's get to the phones. Michael. Here 21.

53:05 Caller Yes.

53:06 Adam What's up?

53:07 Caller I found out like a bump on my penis earlier today. And I was actually wondering if it's possible to get a pimple on your on your penis.

53:15 Drew It is possible. Does it look like a pimple?

53:18 Caller It does. There's there's there's no like pus or anything. It's just like a bump. And I was really worried.

53:25 Drew Are you sexually active?

53:26 Caller Yes, I am.

53:27 Drew It's not a blister.

53:29 Caller No, it's it just looks like.

53:31 Drew Well, it forms a white head. It's a pimple. If the pus comes out of it, it's a pimple. But if it if it ulcerates or if it burns or hurts, ought to be looked at.

53:39 Adam Now, what's the difference between ulcerating and getting a white head visually?

53:43 Drew Ulcerate is if a crater, if a crater forms. Red in the middle, raised edge is that kind of thing.

53:48 Adam Doesn't doesn't come to a head. It's like a volcano more than it is a Matterhorn.

53:53 Drew Yes, it's like a meteor.

53:55 Greg Proops How's that different than suppurating?

53:57 Drew Suppurative is a is a zit supper. That's the pus coming out.

54:01 Adam Michael. Yeah. So, I mean, can't you tell the difference between a venereal disease and a zit?

54:06 Caller Well, I've never had a venereal disease, so I'm I don't dare you, Adam.

54:09 Drew How dare you?

54:10 Adam What does it not look like is it?

54:13 Caller It really doesn't. It just looks like a well, it looks like a zit underneath the skin like. All right.

54:18 Greg Proops It is. Is it hard?

54:19 Caller It is. But it's just I don't know. It's like, yeah, it's hard.

54:25 Drew Is it on the penis or is it on the pubic?

54:26 Caller It's on the shaft. It's like right below the head.

54:29 Drew And well, you know, again, things that ulcer do not hurt are a problem. Things that hurt and burn are a problem.

54:35 Adam Yeah. Burning's bad. So what you do go to a doctor.

54:38 Drew You have to. We get people. Have we ever had satisfaction with people describing a skin process? No, never.

54:44 Adam No.

54:44 Drew People do not know how to describe.

54:46 Adam Except for when I was describing the carbuncle I got next to my anus at time when I was 19. That was satisfying.

54:52 Caller You got it.

54:54 Drew You were describing what was expressed from it. You weren't describing the actual.

54:57 Greg Proops Did you have it lanced or did you take care of that one on your own?

55:01 Adam I lanced it on my own, but the only way I could lance it was a series of mirrors. Much you know, you know how they think the Egyptian.

55:10 Greg Proops I think I heard this one before.

55:11 Drew Thomas Edison. I believe we had this discussion last time you were here.

55:14 Greg Proops Did you go to the hollow mirrors at like the boardwalk in Santa Cruz or something?

55:19 Adam No, but I had to use a succession of them to get to the center.

55:23 Greg Proops So it's like Lady from Shanghai, the Orson Welles film. You just kept firing and firing and mirrors kept breaking and breaking.

55:29 Adam Well, I I look at it more as like they hypothesize that this is how the Egyptians got light to the center of the pyramid. It just kept going. They just kept bouncing it until they got to the tomb. This is how I got to King Tut's tomb.

55:43 Greg Proops Yes, a series of highly polished golden surfaces.

55:46 Drew King Butts in your face.

55:47 Adam King Butts. And by the time I lanced King Butts, it was it looked like a gay porn film down there. It was not pretty.

55:56 Greg Proops That was Butthotep.

55:57 Adam Not pretty. But very, very satisfying. And let me tell you something. After walking around with a large carbuncle right next to your a hole for about a week, when that thing finally blows, you spring to your feet and the sound of music just starts bellowing in your ears. You're running down the street kissing your mailman and the old neighbor. And it's like you're just just hopping and sprinting. I mean, you never it never felt so alive.

56:27 Greg Proops What was the difference? What's the difference between a carbuncle and a boil?

56:31 Drew Same.

56:32 Greg Proops Oh, it's the same.

56:33 Adam Is it exactly the same?

56:34 Drew Exactly the same. Well, really, I think technically a carb technically, as I was trained, a faruncle is the same as a boil. And a carbuncle is something they can burrow underneath and come up in multiple spots.

56:45 Greg Proops Carbuncle seems more like the same thing. Yeah.

56:49 Drew It's all bad times.

56:50 Greg Proops Slightly not archaic, but you certainly read it in old time lit a little more than you do. If you got like a Master and Commander, they would have a carbuncle.

57:00 Adam If you got a carbuncle on your car seat, it would be a bad day. You get one on your anus, it is a nightmare. You understand? Do people hear me? Dave?

57:11 Caller Yeah.

57:12 Adam You're 20?

57:13 Greg Proops He's still hanging.

57:14 Adam Oh, it's a different guy.

57:14 Caller Yeah.

57:15 Adam What's happening?

57:17 Caller I'm trying to get with a girl that I work with, but it's kind of a mess up situation. She's engaged to be married and she just found out she's pregnant. I actually have another guy I work with, I was telling him, one of my friends, well he went and told her and I don't know, word got back anyways. She wants to be with me too, but she's kind of afraid to leave him just because of the whole situation with her being pregnant and everything.

57:50 Drew And being married? Engaged.

57:52 Caller And being engaged.

57:53 Drew Dave, what is the matter with you? What's that? What are you thinking or is it just that there's nothing going on, you're not thinking?

58:01 Caller About what?

58:02 Drew There we go, that said it all right there.

58:04 Adam I'll tell you what says it all, engaged, to be married, that's the white trash tip off there.

58:11 Drew That's what it's a target practice then?

58:13 Adam When you hear the to be married after engaged.

58:15 Greg Proops And gagged to be marred.

58:16 Drew Oh yeah, they say it that way.

58:19 Adam When you hear that.

58:20 Drew It's a little banjo playing in the background.

58:21 Adam Right. Hey Dave. Listen now baby doll, you're 20 years old. You got your whole life ahead of you. It's not a great life, but it's yours and it's ahead of you. And you don't want to get mired in this mess. This is a chaotic woman. Here's the thing. It's called Catch 22. If she leaves her fiance and engages in a relationship with you, she's chaotic.

58:49 Drew She's going to do this again.

58:50 Adam And you don't want to be with her. Really, the only way you want to be with her is if she says, I'm in love with this man and I'm two months pregnant. How dare you? So that's when it would be OK to be with her, ironically, when you can't be with her.

59:01 Drew I want everyone just to try to put themselves inside Dave's head and feel what it would feel like to be a 20 year old male with motivational priorities that drive you to do things. Think about it.

59:14 Adam Let me climb in there.

59:15 Drew Think about it. Wow.

59:15 Adam Spacious. It's like a blimp hanger.

59:18 Drew Lots of room.

59:18 Adam What's that handball in the far corner of the blimp hanger? What is that? Oh, that's a brain. Wow, so much room in here.

59:27 Greg Proops Gosh, it's got its own weather in here.

59:29 Drew Hello. Hello. Hello.

59:33 Greg Proops You can play Highly in here.

59:34 Adam Yeah, let's play some Highly.

59:36 Drew But it's good.

59:37 Adam We'll set up a half court on this side and we'll play Highly on this side and we'll have some paramutual batting over here. We have a small, small track. Maybe we'll race set up a dog track. We got a lot of room.

59:48 Drew But it's good.

59:49 Adam Oh, wait a minute, Leno called. He wants to park some of his cars in here.

59:52 Caller So I should not try to be with her or what do I do?

59:56 Drew Yeah, that's kind of what we're saying. But think about the priorities of that brain. All he can think about is his attraction to a female, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of who she is, regardless of what it implies. Just can't. He's overcome.

1:00:10 Adam Well, they work together and she's cute.

1:00:13 Greg Proops She's pregnant and she's engaged.

1:00:15 Adam And that's enough.

1:00:16 Greg Proops And she's how old?

1:00:18 Caller She's 19.

1:00:19 Drew Oh, and all he can think about is screwing her. That that's funny.

1:00:23 Caller I mean, yeah, that too, but I mean, I like her like more than I've ever looked any other girl.

1:00:29 Drew How many words have passed between you and her, Dave?

1:00:34 Caller We talk a lot now because we both kind of feel the same way, but I think right now the biggest thing they've, they just signed a lease on their house and she's worried that if she leaves him, she's still going to have to pay all this money and this and that and he...

1:00:49 Drew Dave's not been doing too good with the girls.

1:00:51 Adam She could be out $188. Hey, Dave.

1:00:54 Caller Yeah.

1:00:55 Adam Where do you do work? What kind of place?

1:00:57 Caller At a retail place.

1:01:00 Adam All right. And is there anything wrong with you that you couldn't meet other young women who are free and clear of babies and boyfriends?

1:01:09 Caller I guess. It just kind of happened. It's not like I was really...

1:01:12 Drew Is there a reason you haven't had girlfriends in the past?

1:01:14 Caller No. No.

1:01:17 Adam Let me talk to a man of man, Drew. Dave.

1:01:20 Caller Yeah.

1:01:20 Adam You realize I'm a genius, right? Yeah.

1:01:23 Caller You guys are pretty cool.

1:01:24 Adam Pretty smart. Pretty smart. Now, here's all I have to say to all you dumb people out there. You do not have to be smart yourself. You only have to be smart enough to listen to smart people. You don't have to be smart. Just take the advice. It's like reading the instructions. You don't have to invent the TiVo or the VCR. Just look at the goddamn picture and plug the cord in in the right place. Now, if you're going to be so smug as you're going to throw the directions away, now you're screwed.

1:01:46 Drew Or try to build the box from scratch.

1:01:48 Adam Right. Right. You listen to me who are smarter than thee.

1:01:52 Drew Yes.

1:01:52 Adam I mean ye.

1:01:53 Drew Yes.

1:01:54 Adam All right. Now, I get excited. I break into old English.

1:01:57 Drew I was going to say. Yeah.

1:01:59 Greg Proops Show me thou jest.

1:02:00 Adam So here's the deal, Dave. Do not get involved with her. This will be chaotic. And many, many a guy, smarter and many, well, many more smarter and a handful dumber than you have been brought down by this very situation. We talk to them every night. You get in, you get pregnant, you get hooked up. She starts buffing one of your friends and the next thing you know, you're twenty two and a half and your life has hit the skids completely.

1:02:24 Drew And you've got somebody else's kid and now your own kid coming along.

1:02:26 Greg Proops And the ex-husband stroke boyfriend who may be violent and or yes, there's some other horrible situation.

1:02:33 Drew Yes. Thank you.

1:02:34 Adam It is now. Now, let's talk about this because it's essentially impulse control is what gets people into trouble in this country and in life. You know what I mean? Which is I am going for a very quick, short, small payday that I could be paying for for the rest of my life, but I don't care.

1:02:53 Drew That is that 20 year old male mind. Can't get past any of these things. But you can't think past, fresh.

1:02:59 Adam It's not all of them.

1:03:01 Drew No, no, I know. Yeah, they have to be able to strive.

1:03:04 Adam And that is the whole thing. And if you want to know what success is about, it's about delayed gratification. It's about putting that off. I mean, that's college.

1:03:13 Drew There's another way. That's everything.

1:03:15 Adam That's internships.

1:03:16 Drew It's about taking a dominant impulse and then choosing to behave in the manner of a subdominant desire impulse.

1:03:22 Adam Right. Now, the question is, is being able to control that dominant impulse, is that the essence of intelligence in many ways or do do did you for instance, the Jewish kids I grew up with are all successful now. Were they able to control their dominant impulse or do they not really have one? They seem like both my goyum friends that had a little difficulty controlling their dominant impulse had a dominant impulse that was bigger than both of us and could not be controlled with a whip and a chair.

1:03:53 Drew There is that. Yeah, I believe that happens.

1:03:55 Adam Yes. And Drew is a man of exquisite passion.

1:03:58 Drew With a chair.

1:03:59 Adam Surely, you've been at the mercy of your dominant impulse.

1:04:03 Drew Mercy.

1:04:05 Adam That's right. That's what the chicks were begging for.

1:04:07 Drew Mercy.

1:04:10 Greg Proops No, they were saying thank you in French.

1:04:11 Adam Mercy. Yeah. Passionate, passionate. Greg, you speak some French, yes? That means a ton. Yes, Drew? Yes. Nicole?

1:04:26 Yes.

1:04:27 Adam You're 24?

1:04:28 Caller Yes.

1:04:29 Adam What's going on?

1:04:29 Caller I have been working with this girl for about three years now and she's got a lot of chaos. She's got a lot of trouble and she's always talking about going home and leaving her car in the garage running and nobody would ever find me because nobody cares about me and I'm going to go jump off a bridge. She's driving me insane. I can't take it anymore. She calls me at home before we go to work and she talks to me at work all night long about her crappy life and she calls me on her way home from work. I can't take it anymore. I'm pregnant. I don't need this extra stress from her and I'm wondering what can I do to kind of get away from her without really setting her off.

1:05:11 Adam Very interesting point. Something we talk about on this show quite a bit. And it's a sort of finesse thing but it really doesn't take, you don't have to burn a lot of calories.

1:05:22 Drew Yeah.

1:05:23 Adam Now here's the deal. First off, if you suspect she's serious or she even really makes threats about killing herself, you're sort of obliged to alert the proper authority.

1:05:33 Drew A, it's terribly unfair to you and abusive to you for her to dump that on you. B, so you don't have to have any remorse in taking action. And then B, because these are very, very serious issues, she needs to get to somebody who is actually able to manage these things and care for her. Not you. Well, then call her therapist.

1:05:56 Adam What does she call her therapist?

1:05:58 Drew Because then it's off of your hands.

1:05:59 Adam How does she get the therapist's number?

1:06:00 Drew Do you tell her, listen, yes.

1:06:02 Adam No.

1:06:02 Drew You call the therapist. This woman is getting a suicide. I need your Shrink's number? Constantly.

1:06:08 Adam How does she get the Shrink's number?

1:06:10 Drew Ask her.

1:06:11 Adam Are you just not going to ask her for the Shrink's phone number?

1:06:14 Caller Kind of fantasy snow globe where you live in it.

1:06:17 Drew What is Shrink's name? All you need is the name. You go look up the number.

1:06:21 Adam You know what you could do? Ah, Nicole. Here's what you do. I agree with Drew, but only if you do it my way. You tell, you tell.

1:06:28 Greg Proops Do you have a series of mirrors in your possession, Nicole?

1:06:32 Adam And a sharp number two pin. It's your step mom that would let you use now here's, here's what you need to do. You need to talk to her and say, hey, I'm looking to get some therapy myself. Could you give me your Shrinks number? You think your Shrinks? Good. She gives you the number. Yeah, you say you and your lesbian partner are having some difficulties.

1:06:56 Caller My lesbian partner.

1:06:58 Adam That one's for me. And you want to get a little therapy. How about it? How about your Shrinks number? Then call the Shrink and tell them about the suicide.

1:07:06 Drew Now, Nicole, why do you have such poor boundaries that you felt you have to rescue this person and then once you're sucked into her chaos, you can't set appropriate boundaries. You can't keep a sort of a healthy distance from this person.

1:07:21 Caller I feel bad for her.

1:07:23 Drew Yeah, I understand you feel bad for her. Why can't you set boundaries?

1:07:26 Caller None of us at work can stand her. I feel guilty she's had this crappy life and I hate to be one more person who kind of, you know, has leave me alone.

1:07:36 Adam Well here's the problem and something these people need to know. When people don't want to hang out with you, it's not some sort of cosmic spin of the social wheel. It's that you are putting something forward that is unattractive. And while you don't deserve to be beat up for it, you shouldn't have it reinforced by having people returning your phone calls either. You should be changing. So, get the Shrinks number under my plan. I call it Plan Falcon. Yes, Drew? I give it a codename.

1:08:09 Drew Of course.

1:08:10 Greg Proops My God, you're a criminal deviant. I adore your genius. You could take over this city with a crew of guys if we had striped t-shirts and bowler hats. We lived in a hideout in the flatlands.

1:08:21 Adam And like blackjacks and those like mini clubs, sort of a club with a weird sort of leather handle on it that was good for only hitting people with lead, knocking people out.

1:08:35 Greg Proops Brace people with them and whack them in the knuckles.

1:08:37 Adam Yeah, do that. And then look, and I'm sure we all go through it. Actually, Drew doesn't because he's a pattern man.

1:08:44 Greg Proops Let me ask you, you're an intelligent person.

1:08:46 Drew Read my book, Nicole. That's what I wrote the book about. The book, Cracked, was about needing to be a rescuer and how unhealthy that is for not just you, but also the person you're trying to help.

1:08:54 Greg Proops What's your book called?

1:08:54 Drew Cracked.

1:08:56 Greg Proops Because I find myself in that situation.

1:08:58 Drew Being a rescuer.

1:08:59 Greg Proops Well, the thing is, you know, you go through a lifetime pattern of indulging people who are at once abusive and, of course, needy, and then you find yourself feeling guilty and then angry with yourself because you.

1:09:13 Drew Then you feel resentful for them for violating your boundaries.

1:09:16 Greg Proops Precisely.

1:09:17 Drew Yeah. It's and then and then they'll get angry with you for letting them down the slightest bit and then you're angry with them for not being more grateful for you. You're laying yourself out on their behalf. Yeah. So it's.

1:09:29 Greg Proops How does one break that then?

1:09:31 Drew Read my book. You're on. It's not an easy thing to do. And then some people could say you have to have therapy because it's about having real relationships with more appropriate kinds of boundaries. So you learn and practice thousands of ways.

1:09:41 Greg Proops It's not everybody, though. It's a it's single.

1:09:43 Drew It's codependency. It's a codependency.

1:09:45 Adam Hey, but Drew. And Greg, don't you think? Adam, right? Yes. Friends call me Ace. OK. The and maybe it's because of the therapy is the only way you can achieve this. But ultimately. And maybe this is a little Pollyanna ish. But ultimately, you have to have your own sort of yardstick that you measure yourself by. Are you being fair? Are you being unfair in terms of?

1:10:07 Drew Yes.

1:10:07 Adam In terms of do you owe this person? Do they owe you? And then make your calls or don't make your calls accordingly. I mean, there are plenty of times when people get angry at you and it's really you should be angry at them or it certainly should. It's at least a push. Now, just because they're angry at you doesn't mean you have to apologize. If you check your yardstick and your yardstick is fair and well calibrated, you might then not call them back and apologize just because they demand one. But you have to then go to bed that night and be okay with it because you trust your yardstick.

1:10:42 Drew Well, it's not just the yardstick, though, but what happens in a situation like this is that their pain triggers something in you. You feel responsible for rescuing them from their pain and leaving them in pain because of some remnant experience of your own leaves you with an intolerable feeling state that you can't let go of. It's almost like a tooth you want to wiggle. You've got to go do something. You've got to make it okay.

1:11:03 Adam That's getting pretty cathartic.

1:11:06 Greg Proops It's one matter for a workmate. This woman doesn't sound like she's really intimate with this person. It's just someone who bitches at her all the time and she feels bad for her because no one likes her and she's the run to the litter. It's another thing when it's a mate or a friend.

1:11:21 Adam Like I said, you just calibrate your scale every other week and then make the things.

1:11:26 Greg Proops You're right about that. People will come at you with anger when you're the one who should be angry.

1:11:31 Adam Greg Proops is here with a quick break. I'm going to have a good crying hug with Drew in the girls bathroom. Yes, I said the girls. I find it makes it easier for Drew to let go in there.

1:11:42 Greg Proops And I'll be in the master and commander's room.

1:11:46 Adam We'll be right back after this.

1:11:48 Greg Proops Love Line.

1:11:49 Adam Love Line.

1:11:51 Greg Proops Greg.

1:12:06 Adam Greg Proops here tonight. Always a good time. Smart, knows what you're talking about. That's what I love about Greg.

1:12:13 Greg Proops And I derive some insight from your nocturnal perambulations here.

1:12:16 Adam Thank you.

1:12:19 Greg Proops I was thinking about a situation in my own life.

1:12:21 Adam You were?

1:12:22 Greg Proops I was.

1:12:22 Adam Yeah, well listen, there's nothing, no rule that says you can't learn a little something listening to some talk radio, yes, Drew?

1:12:29 Greg Proops Yes, sir.

1:12:30 Adam All right. Ethan Zahn, let's go back on autopilot.

1:12:35 Greg Proops Yeah, squash.

1:12:36 Adam Even Zahn is going to be in here tomorrow night from Survivor, one of my favorite shows. Greg is going to be at Largo on Club Largo as we used to call it back in the day. April 5th, am I boring you, Drew? No, not at all.

1:12:49 Greg Proops May I say who my guests are?

1:12:50 Adam Yes, I'd like to know.

1:12:52 Greg Proops Louis Black, top of the Saturus.

1:12:54 Adam Very funny, I saw him in New York last week.

1:12:56 Greg Proops Actress and writer and director Ileana Douglas.

1:12:59 Adam Not funny, don't like the woman.

1:13:01 Greg Proops Okay.

1:13:02 Drew So is it sort of a talk show format kind of thing?

1:13:05 Greg Proops It is exactly a talk show format, except that we avoid the golly, you were making a movie that must have been really difficult to learn Kung Fu and go to Fiji for eight weeks. I refuse to play that at all. I don't care at all what you had to do to get ready for your role.

1:13:19 Drew Where's Largo?

1:13:20 Greg Proops Good. Largo's on. Thank you for asking. 432 North Fairfax, right across the street from Cantor's Delicatessen.

1:13:26 Adam Oh, yes.

1:13:27 Greg Proops Directly across from there. And John Bryan is my orchestra, who is an esteemed musical mad hatter and a scorer. That's the really awkward way of putting it. Right? Composer. Right. Can we say composer? What's the Jim Carrey picture, the new one? It has a very baroque name. Turn of the Sun Sign. There we are. Whatever that one is. He wrote the score for that. And he wrote the score for Magnolia. He's like a genius. And the guy comes and does my show, which is nice.

1:13:56 Adam Speaking of scoring, that is a score.

1:13:58 Greg Proops It makes me cry.

1:13:59 Adam Ileana Douglas is an actress who you would recognize in a heartbeat. If you saw her, she has a sort of crazy deep eyes.

1:14:07 Greg Proops Yes, she does. She's in Pluto Nash. Sorry, it was on cable tonight.

1:14:13 Adam She was the sort of next big thing about three years ago. And in every interesting movie that came out between 98 and 2001. But then haven't seen her, I guess, started writing.

1:14:28 Greg Proops Yes, she made a picture that was at Aspen. Remember that show Action with Jay Moore that was on for like half a season?

1:14:34 Adam That's right.

1:14:35 Greg Proops She was in that as well. To die for, she's the sister who knocks off Nicole Kidman.

1:14:39 Adam Well, you know, the thing I like about me is 750 movies are released theatrically each year. I see two and announce if I don't see an actress or an actor in the two movies that I saw. And by the way, I saw on any Sunday three twice. Those are the two movies I saw documentary about extreme snow snowmobiling. I then announced the person has fallen off the edge of their right. Right.

1:15:08 Greg Proops That's because they weren't in the movie. Honey, you didn't know.

1:15:12 Adam They were not in. They were not in. Emmanuel goes to ancient Rome.

1:15:17 Greg Proops Oh, I love that one.

1:15:18 Adam Yeah.

1:15:18 Greg Proops It's so much better than the ancient Rome. Can I get one more plug-in?

1:15:21 Adam He built a time machine and banged a mirror.

1:15:24 Greg Proops And it's wonderful. And Pompeii goes off in more ways. I'm at Boston. I'm in Boston next week at the Comedy Connection Easter weekend.

1:15:31 Adam Do not want to miss that. Are they done with that big dig? I'm going out.

1:15:34 Drew The big dig is over, yeah.

1:15:35 Adam Is the big dig over?

1:15:36 Drew I believe so.

1:15:37 Greg Proops What's the big dig?

1:15:39 Drew Yeah, by the Bay. They've been building this multi-level.

1:15:41 Greg Proops Oh, my God. I was there last summer.

1:15:42 Drew By Faneuil Hall kind of.

1:15:44 Greg Proops That's where the club is in Faneuil Hall.

1:15:47 Adam Yeah, 500-capillion dollars.

1:15:50 Greg Proops There's a produce market outside Faneuil Hall, too.

1:15:52 Drew The Haymarket.

1:15:52 Greg Proops Yeah, the Haymarket. Are you from Boston?

1:15:54 Drew I went to college out there.

1:15:55 Greg Proops Of course you did. Which school? There's like 7,000.

1:15:57 Drew No, at Amherst.

1:15:58 Greg Proops Amherst. Lovely. You and Emily Dickinson.

1:16:00 Adam Let me ask how this works, everybody. I'm no politician, but for the second year in a row, and maybe we've got 10, 15 years of this put together, the most congested intersections in the entire world were laid out, and we have like four of the top ten in a three-mile radius, by the way.

1:16:23 Drew And Adam and I crossed three of them twice a night.

1:16:25 Adam Yeah, not over the breadth and scope of the entire city of Los Angeles, but really within like a four-mile square radius, three of the most congested intersections on the planet, by the way.

1:16:40 Greg Proops More than Bombay.

1:16:41 Adam Right, are here. The Big Dig cost $700 billion to build a tunnel from JFK's old house to Boston International. We can't get 50 cents to fill in a pot hole on the 10 freeway. How's this work over here? Where's it? We got to get some Paola, some Coke money?

1:17:04 Drew What's up?

1:17:05 Adam When are we going to finish that bullet train that's going to Vegas, by the way? Why don't we get a couple of bucks over here in the good old Los Angeles area to get traffic moving?

1:17:13 Drew We're not going to see any for a long time.

1:17:14 Greg Proops We're not seeing any bucks, man. All right. The good thing about that construction in Boston is I had 20 minutes to open the show with, because believe you me, they find that funny.

1:17:24 Drew Oh, yeah, yeah.

1:17:25 Greg Proops The whole city is covered with orange webbing. I mean, the whole city is covered with orange webbing, except for Beacon Hill and the nice areas.

1:17:30 Adam What they did there from a construction standpoint is bigger than the pyramids. I mean, they went underneath that. They tunneled underneath the entire town and had to go through an existing sewer and rail lines and it's crazy.

1:17:45 Drew Basically at the ocean's edge, too, at the whole back of the sea.

1:17:49 Greg Proops Absolutely.

1:17:49 Adam Amazing. Natalie. Yeah. And listen, hold on a second.

1:17:55 Drew We can't hear Natalie Anderson.

1:17:56 Adam We've been trying to get the Terrace off of Los Angeles. Terrace, that's the place. Boston. Now, I'm not suggesting the Terrace hit the United States, but if they do, they got to hit somewhere. Let's make it somewhere other than Los Angeles. We got a lot of poor Mexicans and bad freeways out here. We got nothing. You want.

1:18:12 Greg Proops Which is the most congested intersection in Los Angeles?

1:18:16 Adam Well, they got the four level. They got the ten. We got the ten where it meets the four or five.

1:18:21 Greg Proops Oh, the four or five.

1:18:22 Adam They got the four or five where it meets the one or one, and then they got the one ten where it meets the ten.

1:18:27 Drew Right. The one ten, one ten, ten.

1:18:29 Adam Yeah.

1:18:30 Drew One ten, one oh one.

1:18:31 Adam The point is, is we are a city that has three of the most in the world. Can we get a little help over here?

1:18:36 Caller Four or five one oh one said was the worst.

1:18:38 Adam Yeah, four or five one oh one.

1:18:40 Greg Proops No one ever wants to take the four or five.

1:18:42 Adam No.

1:18:42 Greg Proops The four or five is like world famous for being the most horrible, horrible.

1:18:45 Adam Well, it's called the four or five because it takes four hours and five minutes to get over the goddamn hill.

1:18:50 Greg Proops Travel six miles. It is ridiculous.

1:18:51 Adam All right. How about a little federal help here? That's all I'm saying. A little bingo.

1:18:54 Greg Proops This town was never ready for this many cars.

1:18:57 Adam Natalie? You're 18? What's up, baby doll?

1:19:02 Caller Well, I'm pregnant and my boyfriend's 30 and my parents don't let us get married.

1:19:07 Adam Sounds like everything's on track for you.

1:19:10 Caller Yeah.

1:19:11 Drew You're 18, right?

1:19:13 Adam So your parents don't really have much of a say in that, do they?

1:19:17 Caller Well, I still live at home because they won't let me out.

1:19:21 Drew Yeah. But if you were to get married, you wouldn't be living at home. I'm not suggesting you should, by the way. This guy sounds like an idiot, but it's just we're wondering why an 18-year-old would have to get married.

1:19:30 Caller I just turned 18.

1:19:32 Drew Yeah, well, at that point, you don't need anybody's permission to do anything. Yeah, see, that's the fact. But, you know, I'm glad you're listening to your parents, though.

1:19:40 Adam The 30-year-old guy wants to marry you? He does.

1:19:44 Drew And you're pregnant with his child? Do your parents know that? Do your parents know that you're pregnant?

1:19:52 Adam What does the guy do for work?

1:19:54 Caller He's in construction.

1:19:58 Adam That's bad. That's bad. What field of the construction? What trade?

1:20:04 Drew Crane operator. Framing or crane? Framing.

1:20:09 Adam Framing. Uh-oh. He went from albino to translucent trash. It's just a word framing. Alright, that's bad times. He's a horrible guy. He's a racist. He's got a fifth grade education. And be prepared, by the way, after you have the child, for him to refer to the child as the kid. I used to work with these guys. Yeah, the kid wants braces, but I'm getting a new kirk or pipe for the jet ski. That's uh, that's, that's how it works. Yes. Well, then Natalie, you're pregnant. He wants to get married. You want to get married. And uh, you're 18, so there's no law that uh, can keep you in your home anymore. So you're going to have to move in with him, get married and uh, set up house.

1:20:59 Drew Were you not pregnant and planning to get married? What was your life going to be like?

1:21:03 Caller A living hell.

1:21:05 Drew A living hell?

1:21:06 Caller Yeah.

1:21:06 Drew So you're running away from your parents?

1:21:08 Caller Yeah.

1:21:09 Adam Okay. Is your dad bad? Did he abuse you?

1:21:12 Caller No, my dad's great, but.

1:21:14 Drew What's the living hell? Well, your dad's great. How much hell understand? I'm confused.

1:21:22 Caller Well, it's nothing about that. It's just that I don't want my family to like disown me and I love them so much.

1:21:29 Drew No, if you were not pregnant and not going to marry this guy, what were you going to do? Going to go to school?

1:21:35 Caller Yeah.

1:21:37 Drew And were you going to have a career?

1:21:39 Adam All right. Here's the deal. Please, no homeschooling for the child.

1:21:44 Drew Oh, I'll tell you what. I beg of you. Yeah, Natalie's got that planned right now. I can tell. All right.

1:21:50 Adam Go marry the guy and move out. You're pregnant. I don't know what to say. So if it's 30, you're 18. That's not unthinkable. She wants to get married. Her phone line has somehow cut out. Let me say this. I was looking at a Penthouse magazine today.

1:22:05 Drew Great.

1:22:05 Adam Have you seen a Penthouse magazine in a while, Greg?

1:22:10 Greg Proops I've certainly noticed it as I've driven by the newsstand.

1:22:13 Adam They've really upped the ante, you know, complete with urination and full penetration and everything.

1:22:19 Greg Proops They've been backed off on that?

1:22:21 Adam No, they have not.

1:22:21 Greg Proops Because I noticed a couple of years ago it was getting wet in there.

1:22:24 Adam Yeah, it is. So we've got to take off all your clothes.

1:22:28 Greg Proops And I was like...

1:22:29 Adam Yeah. So I was noticing the full penetration in oral sex pictorial and I thought I could handle that. Like I thought I wouldn't be down with the porn film because I would feel that'd be too much pressure. I mean, actually physically having sex. What age are you talking about? I'm talking about now.

1:22:47 Drew Oh, right now.

1:22:48 Adam Yeah, but a pictorial where I had sex.

1:22:51 Drew You in it? You in it?

1:22:53 Adam Yeah.

1:22:53 Greg Proops How is it different to be in still photographs versus a motion picture?

1:23:00 Adam It's unclear. It's unclear whether they have sex or someone just takes pictures because a lot of them seem posed. You know what I mean?

1:23:09 Greg Proops Honey, they're being photographed so they're aware of that.

1:23:12 Adam I know they're aware of it but what I mean is are they having intercourse when the man's penis is inside of her or are they?

1:23:18 Greg Proops Well, technically, yes.

1:23:19 Adam Yes, technically. But I mean, are they just taking…

1:23:21 Drew Are they just posed that way?

1:23:22 Adam Yes.

1:23:22 Greg Proops You can't just pose that way.

1:23:24 Adam I think I might. I think I could. Drew, please, help me out.

1:23:29 Drew Could you? Yes, you have the ninja.

1:23:32 Adam Undo the drawstring and don't ask and let your mind free. Free up your mind for a second. Loosen the drawstring, loosen your mind and just help me show Greg something. All I'm saying is, there's poses where the guy standing there with an erection, the girl is giving him oral sex, but she's not really giving it to him. She's sort of posing with his penis. And I just thought to myself, I think I could do that. That could be my thing.

1:23:57 Drew I'm very proud of you.

1:23:58 Adam The actual porn movie, I'm not so sure it's too much pressure, feels a little intimate. This could be good.

1:24:03 Greg Proops Adam, I don't want to burst your pretty balloon, as it were. But even if you were just doing the still photographs and just posing and you weren't actually doing the deed, there will still be a crew of people and lights everywhere and makeup artists. So it's pretty much the same atmosphere.

1:24:21 Drew His thing is, he won't be having sex. He'll just be posing.

1:24:24 Adam It doesn't involve so much movement. But then it's got to get a little weird because they do have a money shot, you know what I mean?

1:24:33 Greg Proops Yeah. That's what I mean about it.

1:24:35 Adam They do have a money shot. So there's got to be a point where the guy's, you know, putting more film in the camera, the guy is sort of staying there helping himself. You don't think about that?

1:24:45 Drew No.

1:24:46 Adam Let me tell you something I thought about. I thought about a pictorial where, see, they always build into it. It's by page nine, you get to the money shot. The first thing is they're shooting pool at the biker bar and the chick walks in. You know, that's the first thing. And then eventually her top comes off and it leads by page nine.

1:25:03 Greg Proops Yeah, there's a scenario.

1:25:04 Adam Yeah, I would like the one. Here's my here's my penthouse pictorial. First page, me and the chick at the biker bar. Second page, money shot. Third page, I'm watching TV and she's talking and I'm kind of tuning her out. Fourth page, I'm eating. She's talking again. Again, I have a sort of 10,000 yard stare tuning out.

1:25:24 Drew Fourth one, you have the lovey shades on.

1:25:27 Adam I'm uncomfortable. Again, she's gesticulating with her arms. I have the eyeshades on.

1:25:31 Greg Proops There's an overflowing garbage can in the background that you're ignoring.

1:25:34 Adam That's right. I'm nabbing. All the things you would realistically do after the money shot. That's the rest of the pictorial.

1:25:40 Caller Don't look at me.

1:25:42 Adam This is David Alan Greer having sex. Greg Proops here tonight. We're going to take a quick break.

1:26:07 Greg Proops Thank you.

1:26:07 Adam And we'll be right back. 1-800-LOVE-191 Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. Ethan is going to be in here from Survivor, and Greg Proops is in here tonight. Ethan's one of those names, by the way, from Survivor, where his last name is then confusing. Like if you go, you know, Ethan's on? You go, no, you know, Ethan. Oh, Ethan.

1:26:48 Drew Ethan from Survivor. Oh, yeah.

1:26:49 Adam Survivor's coming in.

1:26:50 Greg Proops I miss Kelly Wigglesworth. I just missed her name.

1:26:53 Drew Kelly. Kelly was on this show.

1:26:55 Adam Yeah, I think she was.

1:26:56 Greg Proops Her last name's Wigglesworth.

1:26:57 Adam Really?

1:26:58 Greg Proops Fantastic.

1:26:59 Adam This is Wigglesworth. Greg.

1:27:02 Greg Proops Fantastic syrup.

1:27:03 Adam Can be found, by the way, at Largo on April 5th, doing Greg Proops chat show. And it's not the Greg Proops chat show, it's Greg Proops chat show.

1:27:14 Greg Proops Well, there's so many.

1:27:15 Adam Right. This is this original, though, and Eliana Duncan and who else? Oh, Douglas. All right. That wasn't that far off. And Lewis Black, Lewis Black spoke to him in New York about a week ago. Robert.

1:27:31 Caller Yes.

1:27:31 Adam You're 22. Turn your radio down, please. Yes.

1:27:34 Caller Yes, sir.

1:27:35 Adam All right. What's up? This is the show that you called.

1:27:40 Caller Oh, yes. Yes, I was talking about this fetish that my girlfriend has. With this anal fetish. Well, she wants me to tongue her anus.

1:27:51 Adam No, she doesn't.

1:27:52 Caller Yes, she does.

1:27:53 Adam Now you're making this up.

1:27:55 Caller No.

1:27:56 Adam Yes.

1:27:57 Drew And what's the question?

1:27:58 Caller Look, I want to know if it's physically, if it's, if it's healthy, unhealthy, like, well, health-wise, for one thing, but also, is it, is it leading to other things in our relationship?

1:28:11 Drew Like what?

1:28:11 Adam Yeah. Where are you going from here, by the way? You're already tonguing your rectum. You can only go over. You cannot go down.

1:28:19 Caller I haven't done it. I haven't done it. It's getting to the point where she's really, at first it was just kind of like start off slow and then she would ask me to do it more and more. Now she's like constantly, every time, you know, I make love to this, this girl, she's always asking me to do different, you know, go farther and farther.

1:28:34 Greg Proops And I'm wondering how far anybody buying this.

1:28:36 Drew This is going to be a messenger.

1:28:38 Adam No, we don't buy it, Robert.

1:28:40 Caller What do you mean?

1:28:41 Adam Uh, now we really don't buy it. This is bogus. It's bogus. There, there, there are women out there wouldn't mind a little rim action. They don't, they don't ask for it.

1:28:51 Drew But also there's no question.

1:28:52 Adam And there's no question. I'm trying to figure out what the question is. Is it dirty? Blaze, you're full of crap.

1:28:58 Greg Proops In fact, I think you'll find that women ask for it by name.

1:29:00 Adam That's right.

1:29:01 Greg Proops Like cats ask for.

1:29:02 Adam That's right.

1:29:02 Greg Proops Friskies or whatever.

1:29:03 Adam It's a, it hung up.

1:29:05 Greg Proops Meow mix. That's what they ask for by name.

1:29:07 Adam Did he hang up?

1:29:08 Drew Yeah. I heard it click off.

1:29:10 Adam I understand the meow mix part. I understand the meow asking by name, but the mix.

1:29:15 Greg Proops You'll find that cats don't often get the word mix in.

1:29:17 Drew No, they don't need to. They know what you mean.

1:29:19 Greg Proops That's it. It's inferred.

1:29:20 Drew Yeah. And anyway, so, but I mean, I think obviously there are potential exposures to oral fecal infectious diseases and things. And so I'm just going to kind of answer the question. It's not something that typically leads to anything because as Adam says, where are you going from there? And people don't, well, the same one wishes. Get preoccupied with this and ask for repeated visits.

1:29:42 Adam And I think I rarely bust out the bottle brush in the bedroom, but this is the time. I mean, you take a nice sitz bath with your old lady before you get down to business in the rim job world. My grandmother, by the way, and I've had many.

1:29:58 Greg Proops Thank goodness that sentence included both those words.

1:30:02 Adam My grandmother and I had.

1:30:03 Drew Did she jump right out of the grandmother thing?

1:30:04 Adam Many, many an uncomfortable conversation.

1:30:06 Drew You'll see why.

1:30:07 Adam Many, many, many an uncomfortable conversation in our day. My grandmother actually enjoyed sport, enjoyed having uncomfortable conversations with me once asked at the dinner table if I knew what a rim job was.

1:30:23 Greg Proops No, she did not.

1:30:24 Adam Yes, she did.

1:30:25 Greg Proops Is this the one who gave you the popcorn container for your high school graduation?

1:30:28 Adam No, that was the stepmom.

1:30:29 Greg Proops Oh, I'm sorry.

1:30:29 Drew This is at the time, 84 year old grandmother.

1:30:31 Adam That was my aunt.

1:30:33 Greg Proops Where had she read about rim jobs? Had you been to the mall or something?

1:30:37 Adam There's a Reader's Digest or it could have been a rim job.

1:30:41 Greg Proops My most memorable rim job.

1:30:43 Adam No, it came up in a meeting. She used to work at the Veterans Administration and used to counsel a group of veterans and one of them brought up rim job and granny had never heard of it.

1:30:58 Greg Proops Very popular during World War I, by the way. The Vietnam vets and probably wake up in a cold sweat and she wanted to know.

1:31:08 Adam You know, it's like one of those things where everyone had heard of it, but you haven't heard of it. So you then have to ask, have you heard of this to the rest of the group? So she asked me, now, here's an interesting predicament you're in. Normally, when someone says, have you heard of this X, Y or Z and you have, you're very quick to jump on it. My first impulse when she said, has anyone heard of it? A rim job? I've never heard of one. The first impulse was to have the hand come flying up. Second impulse was, wait a minute, maybe, A, I don't want her to know I know it.

1:31:38 Greg Proops Was this at dinner?

1:31:39 Adam This was at dinner.

1:31:40 Greg Proops With the folks?

1:31:41 Adam There were, yes, my mom was there. And the second was, do I really want to engage in a discussion of rim jobs over some brisket with the 84 year old? So I gave.

1:31:52 Greg Proops I'm glad you guys ate brisket together.

1:31:54 Adam But my, my, my, my, my self, my ego got the best of me and I had to say that I did it, but I did it in a very non-committal way. Like, yeah, I think I've, you know, never, you know, give, you know, I've not been on the winning or losing, but I have must say that I must have heard of it, probably from some troubled kids at school. Yes. One would not run.

1:32:22 Greg Proops The boys on the corner who pitch pennies.

1:32:23 Adam That's right. Who wear those striped turtleneck sweaters with the cabbie hats that Greg had just spoke of earlier. That's right. With the black jacks. All right. Let's take a little break.

1:32:37 Greg Proops That's embarrassing.

1:32:38 Adam They mumble.

1:32:39 Caller We'll take a little break.

1:32:41 Adam Greg Proops here. We'll be right back.

1:32:43 Caller So I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up? Why can't I meet anybody? 877-889-DATE.

1:33:02 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:26 Adam Well, that's the show, everybody. Greg Proops, always a joy.

1:33:30 Greg Proops Thanks, fellas.

1:33:31 Adam Always a pleasure, Greg. You can find Greg April 5th at Club Larga. He's doing a show, Eliana Douglas, and Black is going to be there, Lewis Black.

1:33:44 Greg Proops We just call him Black sometimes.

1:33:46 Adam By the way, the Kimmel Show's on TV. He can't book guests that good.

1:33:49 Greg Proops I was going to say, I actually had better booking than some of the talk.

1:33:53 Adam Yeah, better booking, for there's 98 people out there.

1:33:56 Greg Proops I have a better booking than the show I'm on tomorrow.

1:33:58 Adam I know, it's great.

1:34:01 Greg Proops And I'm on that show.

1:34:02 Adam Ethan is coming on tomorrow night from Survivor. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:34:08 Greg Proops I had more scooch than you had hot meals, Corolla.

1:34:14 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, March 30, 2004